#this was made with blood sweat and tears
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For how little I talk about Orange I actually think about him a lot, which means I have so many fun concepts for him, so I present to you,
Headcanons/Theories/Concepts about Orange that don’t all make sense but are fun to think about anyway (aka, me rambling about Orange):
(also short disclaimer please don’t take this too seriously I am not any sort of expert in media analysis or anything this is just for silliness)
- I’m mainly going into this with the theory that Orange is some kind of form of externalization, whether that be wrath or just forbidden emotions in general. Honestly my opinion of what he represents is still kinda nebulous but like. Please don’t leave I promise I have good ideas.
- From what we saw with Logan, I think Orange’s abilities might be some form of enhancing the others’ emotions— forcibly externalizing them in some way. There’s so much tension between the other sides, what with Logan wanting to be listened to, Patton never sharing how he feels, Roman still clinging on to Thomas’s selflessness, and idek how this is all affecting Virgil. Not to mention Nico is in the mix. Orange is gonna somehow force the others to actually talk about their feelings. Basically, Janus can force the others to shut up, so what if Orange can do the opposite? (trust me this can only go well and nothing bad will happen)
- We already know Thomas’s perception of the dark sides tends to be what he thinks is “bad” or the opposite of good, like Janus being portrayed as a snake because of snakes’ reputation in Catholicism. I think it would be fun if Orange also leaned into the religious imagery. What I’m saying is that I think Orange should have goat motifs. Please. Goats are animals also associated with the devil and sin and if Thomas believes that whatever Orange represents is “evil” in the same way he initially thought Janus and Remus were evil, then it makes sense he may subconsciously see him that way. But like, this is mainly because I want orange to be a silly goat. Give that man rectangular pupils please it’s beneficial to my mental health.
- We still know next to nothing about Orange’s personality so this is where it really gets fun! I want to believe Orange is cold. Cold, calculated, a completely icy demeanor. More on his relationship with Logan here, idk if this is an unpopular opinion but I don’t think Orange has much to do with Logan at all. I don’t think they’re as connected as we think, actually. I think the only reason we see orange manifest with Logan is just because Logan happened to be the first person he got to. If anything, Logan now knows to avoid whatever brought him on, which we see in the gift exchange episode when he shuts down Remus after he said “Kinda makes you wanna scream, huh?”
- Adding on from the last part ☝️ I think it would be really funny if Orange got to Roman next. It would be completely unpredicted and with how vulnerable Roman is, he’d be forced to come to terms with the fact that not everything is black and white. Let him have ugly emotions and put a mirror in front of him, if you will.
- ok this is so unorganized but back to Orange’s personality, I think he should be completely devoid of emotions. Analytical in every way Logan wants to be. Idk how to explain this part but his emotions are outside of him, externalization in the way his emotions are external and forced out of the others. This isn’t saying he’s possessing them, but more like he’s an empath. An empath if he was evil but not really. I sound insane but I swear it makes sense.
- also as a bonus, there’s this fun hc that I have (I promise this has to do with Orange) but we know Virgil’s name is a sensitive subject for him. We also know the dark sides like to take advantage of that. And it’s so deliberate in a way that makes me think there’s more to it. SO HEAR ME OUT. You know how Virgil’s name was taken from the Roman poet Vergilius? What if that was his actual full name. What if when he separated himself from the dark sides, he cut off the “ius” because he felt it associated him with them. He told the others they can call him “Virge” as a nickname so they had no reason to assume Virgil was already a nickname. Now imagine that when we meet Orange, because he needs to sides to externalize everything, he refers to Virgil as Vergilius. Yippee more tension for everyone!! Another thing the sides have to discuss as a way to fully come to terms with the fact that they have to communicate and let Thomas breathe!!!
If you made it to the end of this post!!! What !!!! Ty for reading my silly rambles, reminder that none of this is serious, this is entirely for fun and also probably doesn’t entirely make sense. (I tried to make this as coherent as I could). I doubt that any of this is going to end up canon, but the concepts are fun to think about !!
#half of this post got deleted while I was typing this#this was made with blood sweat and tears#sanders sides#logan sanders#patton sanders#roman sanders#virgil sanders#janus sanders#remus sanders#orange sanders#constellama talks
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finished version of the industrial jacket
it doesn't look like it but there are over 700 spikes on this thing. all by hand. and it is so fucking heavy
#i put my blood sweat and tears into this quite literally i hope this is good#not many changes made since last time tbh but still !#battle jacket#patch jacket#diy#diy or die#alt fashion#industrial music
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ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ The Boys x Rogue!Reader (2)
ᯓ★ angst, fluff, typical the boys content, Butcher is an asshole?!?! (what a surprise) 😲. Reader is fem!! Here's part 1 if you missed it. (Didn't proof read because im sick again 🤒)
Sounds of muffled talking... needles poking through your skin... your mind fogged from the effects of the drugs... the heavy feeling of helplessness as you were tied down. Nothing you could do. You were hopeless. You didn't stand a chance.... Slowly you squint your eyes open as the vision of your friend's corpse comes to view. The horrifying sight jerking your body awake.
"Oh...oh..." You breath heavily with your body covered in cold sweat. The adrenaline coursing through your veins. You looked around to make sure you weren't inside your cage, but rather inside the room your brother had given to you.
When you were sure you were safe, you let out a relieved sigh as you rub your eyes, giving yourself a moment to settle down. Something tells you this won't be the last nightmare you'll have. Once you were sure you were in a stable condition, you got out of bed and decided to head downstairs to what seemed to be their office.
After last night when you were taken to their headquarters, Butcher offered you some clothes to change into and also making sure you were well fed. From how exhausted you were at the time, you could only remember talking about something to Butcher before passing out on his bed.
As you descend from the stairs, you couldn't help but peek your head to look at who were present. Even though they were told to be his friends. You yourself weren't that 100% willing to trust a bunch of strangers just because he said they were 'not the worst people he's met'. To your surprise it was just three people inside and they were each doing their things.
Butcher wasn't anywhere in sight.
This sucks.
Since you aren't planning to stand and wait at the stairway, you entered the office, it only took a few steps for your presence to be noticed. You sat on the sofa just a few feet from the girl who appeared to be busy writing in her book. She shoots you a warm smile which you hesitantly smiled back.
"I'm (Y/N)... what's your name?" You asked but she suddenly shifts her eyes from you to someone else. Curious, you looked over the sofa to see someone already approaching you.
"Her name's Kimiko..." He said as he takes a seat beside you.
"You still remember my name yes? I was the one who snuck you out" You thought for a second before finally recognising him.
"Frenchie right?" You asked and judging from the smile on his face. You must be right.
"I didn't get to say but thanks for rescuing me" You said to which he laughs.
"Ahh...! Don't thank me! Your brother would have skinned me alive if I refused. If you had seen his outrage when he found out Homelander had you involved, you'd think twice before pissing him off by saying no" He recalled, emphasising everything he says through his hand gestures and facial expressions.
"He does have a temper..." You uttered.
Just then the door opens and all four of you turned to see Butcher walking in with another guy. You got to your feet and went over to your brother who after taking off his coat, hands you the takeaway he had bought.
"Here ya go sis. I figured durin' your days as a lab rat you probably ate like one" He said as you realise he had bought you your favourite food.
The simple gesture somehow making you feel like a kid again. The simpler times where you felt stress free. Just sleep and eat. Though you didn't dwell too much into the feeling as the feeling of hunger soon made you quickly sit down and started eating. Butcher eyes you for a second before walking off to talk to his friend about something that you could care less about.
Mm... good food...
You were too focused gobbling down the food in front of you that you failed to notice the guy sitting on the chair before you. He watches you consciously as you ate like you never eaten in ages. It was when you began to choke that he panicked and quickly pushed the cup of water towards you. His hands retreating back to his lap to avoid any contact with your skin.
As you gulp down the water and finally waited for the burn in your chest to vanish was when you realised you had been eating like a wolf. Months of being locked up by Homelander felt like a physiological torture that you seemed to have lost all your self control. You really lost touch with humanity. It makes you hate him even more for what he did.
"Hey um... you holding up alright? We haven't properly met. I'm Hughie" He said once he sees you zoning out. You look at him with your brows slightly raised.
His voice was somehow soothing. Like the feeling of a fever dream.
"I'm (Y/N)"
"I know" He smiles slightly at you, almost like he's fascinated by your presence.
"So you're his sister. I didn't even think he had any family. He was always private about his life"
"So am I. I guess it runs in the family..."
Your harmless joke making him chuckle softly. As you go back to eating in a more slower pace, he couldn't help but watch your every movement. It was like watching a kid eating for the first time. When they had saved you, you were almost all bones. Your hands are trembling even now just from holding the spoon.
Just even thinking of that night, what still intrigued him was even after those months of torture you still had the energy to argue with your brother. It was there where he finally understood how you were both related. You were just as much as a fighter as your brother is.
"Ahh motherfucker" You cursed as you fan at the fly to get away from your food though the second it touches your skin, it instantly drops dead on the table.
The two of you stared at it as it twitches slightly before going limp.
Problem... solved?
"I assume that you did that on demand?"
"I... think so?"
Just when you thought things were ever gonna be back to normal, your powers always had to remind you of the true reality. The reality that you are NOT normal. Since you were curious of your new abilities, you reached out and touched the flower pot just placed in the center of the table.
Just one touch of your finger on the leaves. The plant slowly devolves from a lively colour to a rotting brown. The flower withers as the stem grows weak. Due to the lack of stability, it collapses completely. Somehow the sight of the dead plant made your throat dry. Images of your friend's corpse flashing in your mind.
Hughie took notice of your dilated eyes and decided to take the plant off the table, placing it carefully on the ground to make sure it's out of your sight. You could only take long breaths as you tried to get rid of the terrible image. Gosh... you can't even imagine how her family is dealing with this... or if they even know she's... sigh..
"Oi!" The sound of Butcher's call causing you two to look at him. When he waves at you to head over to him, you shoot Hughie an apologetic look as you got up to see what he's calling you for.
"You know you don't have to call me over like a dog, I have a name"
"Oh really? Your character hardly screams 'man's best friend', especially with that pissy look" He teases you with a slight smirk which you simply ignored.
"What is it?"
He stares at you, taking note of your expressionless face before nodding to himself. His whole demeanour becoming serious within seconds.
"It's about your powers" He said, his words catching your full focus in an instant.
"From what we've known... the only possibility for a non-supe person to have powers is to dose themselves with a modified version of compound v. But that's only temporary, and yours... are permanent" Butcher said, his eyes avoiding yours.
"Whatever they did to you, we're gonna figure it out... so, while I do that, M.M will be supervisin' you, won't ya M?" Butcher said, looking over his friend who's hunched over his table and writing something down.
"Well if it ain't me then who else is gonna"
"I can!" Frenchie spoke up, his forwardness catching everyone's attention. Once he realises the looks he was getting, he awkwardly smiles.
"You know, for research" He adds. You sigh as you close your eyes, turning your head to face your brother.
What are you getting yourself into at this point...
"Nothing you say quite makes sense to me. The fuck is a compound v??"
"It's what gives the supes their powers"
"What??" You narrow your brows.
"You're saying they weren't gifted?? Like, God didn't bless them and made them our saviours?? They're just a bunch of normal people high off of superpower drugs??" He grins widely at your conclusion.
"Congratulations sis, you're finally catchin' up" He said, giving you a pat on the back before walking away. You stand there, still a bit confused before going after him.
"Waitwaitwait, where are you going? You just got back a few minutes ago" You asked as he puts on his coat.
"I'm going to meet someone. Hopefully they can help me with your situation, or at least provide some insight on what Homelander did to you"
Homelander.
Just the mention of his name being said by someone made your blood boil.
You wanted to tear him apart.
"Alright... but don't take too long... okay?" You look at him, almost like you were trying to beg him to stay with your eyes. You could tell it was working when you saw how his face started to relax a bit.
"Yeah..." He reaches for your head but stops midway when he realises he can't.
The sad reality of wanting to hold his own sister could cost him his own life was completely breaking him.
All the more reason to meet up with this contact to figure out a solution.
He doesn't say anything after letting his hand fall to his side. You could only stand there and watch him leave. Somehow, some part inside of you was fearful of the speech Homelander gave you was becoming true. That his goal of striking fear in Butcher by using you was slowly working.
"Hey, (Y/N). I'm gonna need you to come here" M.M said. You didn't say anything but sat on the chair he instructed you to sit on. You watch as he scribbles something on his book before eventually turning to face you.
"Alright so I wrote down some theories and I need you to work with me" He said, his instructions pretty clear. Your eyes however couldn't help but peek at what he had written down.
Does it only work when it's in contact with skin?
Is it like poision? Or does it disintegrate everything it touches?
Can it be controlled?
If it's dangerous then how dangerous can it be?
"Here, put these on" He then handed you a pair of leather gloves.
You took it and did just as he said. You couldn't help but clench your hands a couple of times to adgust to the fabric of the gloves. Somehow you felt hopeful of this plan. Just then you see him pick up a small plant and placing it on the table in front of you. He nods his head towards it, telling you to touch it.
Though you hesitated... before finally obliging.
You let your fingertips touch the leaves just as you did only a few minutes ago to the other plant. To your surprise, it didn't change colour nor grow weak. It was perfectly fine. This discovery caused you to be overjoyed to the fact you were struggling to form words. M.M simply nodded as he wrote something in his book.
"Holy shit it worked" You exclaimed and couldn't help but stare down at your gloved hands.
"Guess the only thing that can stop you from hurting someone is those gloves..." He turns to face you once again. The smile on your face slightly drops at the mention of hurting someone.
"Guess so..." You uttered, a wave of sadness washing over the joy you were experiencing just now. This will have to be the new normal now...
"Hey, at least it's better than nothing" He said, giving you a comforting pat on the arm. You look at him with a grateful smile, acknowledging his optimistic view of the outcome.
For the next few days you were able to conduct several experiments with the boys. Ranging from testing out your strength to trying to read minds. There were definitely some very odd ideas they've come up with but neither of them wanted to leave out anything so they had to think of all the possibilities of what you could do. Although you were still uneasy about this new change, you felt reassured after knowing more about your powers. In a way you like to think that you had more control over yourself.
It was now Sunday, you were in their office resting on the sofa. Compared to your first day here, you could tell by your own body language that you were beginning to grow comfortable around the group. As you watched whatever was on the TV, you overheard a conversation going on between Butcher and M.M nearby. However judging by their tone it seemed to be about something serious.
"Seriously Butcher? You want to get him involved?" M.M said, displeased with something.
"Nobody knows this better than he does and I'm runnin' out of options"
"Options or patience Butcher, do you have any idea what he's done? If you ever so blink, he will put a bullet right between your eyes"
"Well then, you can rest assure that I'll keep my eyes wide open for any bullets" Butcher's stubbornness earning an annoyed grunt out of M.M.
"Relax mate... I've got this. When have I ever let you and the others down, huh?" He said, placing his hand on his shoulder.
"You actually want me to answer that?"
Without saying another word, Butcher simply walked away and you, who've been secretly hearing their conversation couldn't help but take a peek of your brother. Once you see him heading to the other part of the room far from the rest, you decided to get up and approach him.
"Are you having a fun time staring at the wall?" You said, pointing out how he has his arms folded as his hand is stroking his chin. His brows perked at your words.
"You're talkin' about me?" He scoffs.
"Honestly it's better than starin at your face... what do you want?" He looks at you, a playful look on his face.
"What were you talking about with M.M just now? Sounds like it was tough"
"Oh it's nothin', he's just being dodgy about the guy I strucked a deal with"
"If I heard it right, he also said he's slick enough to put a bullet through your head" You lift your gloved hand up to point at his forehead which he simply brush your hand away from his face.
"I've got my share of bullet wounds, I'll survive"
"Not through the skull though"
"How ironic, you've always did call me hard-headed sis" Just as he said that, he started to walk off like he always does when he feels himself being lectured by you, or anyone. That's why you stood in his way when he was just a few feet from the door.
"Where are you going?"
"What makes you think I'd tell you?"
"Okay, fine, don't tell me, just take me with you" He stares at you, unsure of what you were trying to do.
"No way in hell am I bringing you outside"
"If that's your concern then I can wear a disguise. Nobody will know it's me"
"Nobody is not my concern, my concern is you. What if you accidentally let a bit of your skin show and you, oh I don't know, turn a pedestrian into a fucking mummified corpse"
"What the fuck are you crying about? I can wear layers! C'mon, anything to get out of this cooped up place for once"
"You're complaining about this being cooped up? Tell me, would you rather spend a year here or that lab?"
"Hey fuck you! That is not what I meant! I just wanted to go outside!"
"Alright alright! Would you two quit it before you tear my ears off" M.M said, having to be the one to end the bickering.
"I was just about to leave anyways" Butcher didn't even look you in the eye and walked past you. His attitude was making you angrier than ever.
You just wanted to shout and throw things around. This is just like your argument with him regarding his path of going down a life of committing crimes against supes. He always never chooses to take you seriously. Yet even after years where you'd think the consequences of his actions would shape his character a bit, it sure as hell didn't, instead it just gave him a sloppy kiss on the face. You went upstairs into your bedroom and just as you open the door, you found Hughie inside. Awkward, he quickly stands from where he was crouching.
"What are you doing in my room?"
"Oh uh sorry I was looking for the tools Frenchie asked for, he said it was in Butcher's room... which... is... your room now..." He clears his throat as he avoids your gaze.
"Is it the yellow box with the 'Do not touch' note on it?"
"Y-Yeah how do you—?" Without even letting him finish, you were already heading over to your bed to get it out from underneath it. You hand it to him and he takes it with a surprised look. The heavy weight causing his body to drop a bit but he quickly recovers from it.
"I guess I'll go... thanks" He said but you had your back turned to him as you went to sit down on your bed, clearly indicating you weren't in the best mood. He walks to the door, though he doesn't leave. After hesitating, he turns around to face your back once again.
"You okay?" He calls out. His question leaving you feeling even more conflicted.
"Just Butcher" You replied.
Oh.
Somehow that simple answer clears it up. He may not have worked with him the longest but he's worked long enough to know that the man can be such a pain in the ass. Pretty much a day with the man is enough to get a clear picture of his personality. What didn't make it any better was the difference in their beliefs about the supes.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Hughie asks. You stared down at your hands that are scratching at your nails. You do wanna talk about it but you're not sure anyone would listen to you, like actually understand how you felt.
"Are you gonna judge me?" You asked.
"Judge you? Why would I do that?"
"Well... would you be concern if I told you I'm debating whether or not if I should punch him the next time I see him?" You looked at him, searching for his reaction.
"... would it make you feel better if I told you I once had?" He said and the image of someone like Hughie punching Butcher made you chuckle a bit to yourself.
"I find that very hard to believe... but did it at least feel good?" You look at him and you could see him slowly inviting himself into the room as the conversation continued on.
"It did. For a while..." Soon he sat himself beside you on the bed.
"I don’t wanna seem like I'm intruding but why is it that you guys are always at each other's throats... I mean, he really seems to care about you so shouldn't you two get along well?"
"Psssh... he doesn't care about me"
"Errr, if he didn't he wouldn't have gone out of his way to save you from Homelander. He even sent me to spy on you when you were at work once. It was kinda—"
"Huh?" You interrupt him and your reaction had him hold his tongue.
"Spy on me? When was that?" He stares at you, batting his lashes at you blankly a few times.
"Uh I thought Butcher told you... I was the customer who asked to go to the restroom. Remember? The one with the jacket on?" He said but you were having a hard time recalling the exact memory. Your mind still a bit fuzzy from everything that happened before the kidnapping.
"I don't know... but I can't believe he would do that. Spying on me?" You said and once again the anger that was slowly dying down was now going back up.
"He was worried about you"
"If he was worried about me then he would talk to me face to face, not send one of his friends while he hid away like a coward"
"Maybe he was trying to find the right time?" You suddenly turn your head to look at him.
"Why are you making so much excuses for him??" You called him out since you figured from some of the things he told you, he probably hated him just as much as you did.
"I don't know... maybe it was that night when you guys hugged that... kinda changed my mind about him a bit... it's hard to explain but a different side of him showed. After you went to sleep, he stayed up the entire night in the office figuring out how to help you. I did try to get him to sleep but he just started cursing at me to fuck off" He said, recalling the night.
Just thinking of your brother going through computers and documents trying to find the reason behind your manifestation of powers made your heart melt a bit. You can only imagine the hours of sleep he missed, not that he even gets enough sleep but all that hours he could be using to rest and instead using it to solve your issue was nice yet sad to know. Too bad it lead him to doing business with some shady person you don't even know about. All because he wanted to help you.
"So I'm pretty sure that yeah, he does cares about you..." You stare at him, somehow amused at his way of talking things out with you.
"You really went all out trying to prove a point huh?" You said to which he laughed.
"Force of habit maybe? Anyways, I better go, Frenchie needs his tools and you look like you need some rest" He got up and began heading towards the door again but before leaving, he stops to look at you.
"Hopefully you guys work it out. He's been through a lot and I think having his family close by might keep him... human" He added. You take his words into consideration as he finally goes.
....
"Why'd you let that happen to me?" She yelled through her tears, grabbing at your shoulders as if she needed support from her limping body.
......
"You dragged me into this mess!!" Her nails were so sharp you felt like it was digging through your skin.
.............
"You killed me!! You were my friend!! You fucking bitch!!!" You couldn't breath. You felt like you were floating in an endless void.
...................
"Rot with me" She uttered. You scream as thousands of hands began grabbing at every corner of your body. The countless amount of nails on your skin sent shivers down your body. You try to scream for help but its as though your voice was stuck in your throat as no sound comes out.
........................
"NO!! STOP!!" You shout as you awake on your bed. Your screams were loud enough that it caused the door to swing open.
Your brother quickly sat himself on the bed, being careful to wrap you in the blanket before holding you close in his arms. Though your mind was too focused on the nightmare to even know who it was that was holding you. Her whisper like voice, her skeleton face, and fuck... the feeling of the thousand of nails poking your skin haunted you even more. It was so real.
"Sis... hey...! You're safe. You're here with me. No one's goin' to hurt you" He said, his voice being the thing to bring you back to the present. Your breathing somehow steadies after scanning the room to double take.
You really are safe.
"Shit.. sorry..." You could only say as your brother rubs his hand behind your back. The sight of your pale face grew concern.
"You wanna talk about what's got you screamin' in your sleep?" He asks and you let out a half embarrassed sigh. Hopefully you weren't that loud.
"I don't think I'm ready for that..." You said since what you wanted to do now was forget it.
"Aight..." He nods and continues on rubbing your back to provide some comfort. He's not big with words so this is the most he can do...
The room remained silent while you enjoyed the peace you got from his presence. When you felt yourself finally able to think rationally, you can't help but think of what Hughie told you. Working things out... To be clear, talking about your feelings with your family, let alone your sibling ain't easy as it seemed. But seeing the things you and him have gone through, that seems like the best option right now.
"Can I ask you something?" You look up at him and he looks down at you, you could tell he was worried about what you might say, yet he nods.
"Go ahead"
"... what happened after I left... like how did it lead to this? To... how you are now...?" You asked and it caused him to look away with a defeated grunt. As though he saw the question coming from a mile away.
"Theres not much to say... I fought... and I did what I had to do to survive... I wish I could tell you I was a good person for it but... I'd be lying, you wouldn't look at me now if I told you half the things I've done" He answers with his hand placed on your arm. You frown.
"It feels as though you're treating me that way already. You're my brother but sometimes you treat me like I'm just a package to you. That's what your job is about right? Whatever this job is..."
"That's not true sis..."
"Then why does your face tell another story?" You said and your words made him furrowed his brows even more. He stares at you, as if he's considering something in his mind.
"... you won't understand it"
"What don't I understand? We're family right? Blood is thicker than water. That sort of bullshit. We've been through hell together as kids. Having to take abuse from our shitty parents... then losing Lenny..." The mention of his deceased brother pained him even more that he was struggling to maintain eye contact at this point.
"Don't push me away... not again..." You pleaded while placing your other hand on top of his arm. He stayed quiet... almost too long that you were beginning to think he was gonna choose the quiet route out of the conversation until he finally opened his mouth to speak.
"How do I even start... I was furious when I found out Homelander got you involved in our fued.. but then through that rage, I also thought... what if I never went on pissing off a bunch of supes for my selfish reasons? It could have prevented how it led to this. To how he found you" Butcher began to say and you could just hear the guilt in his voice as he began confessing to you about his feelings.
"I regret some choices and some not so much... sometimes I wonder if I should've listen to you and visited that therapist you suggested. I still have the card in my wallet... but I also thought the road was too blurry to head back. I've already got too much blood on my hands, enough to fill a whole sea..." He pauses, then letting out a shaky breath.
"But if I'm being honest with you, my biggest regret would be puttin' you in any danger. Now I can't even look at you without being reminded of my mistakes... that's why it was better that you hated me instead, because it's not fair for you to forgive me after all that"
All his talking about himself was painful to even hear. Let alone the sad and defeated expression on his face. This was the most vulnerable he has ever shown himself to you. The big brother you always thought to be this indestructible force was now bawling out his emotions to you. Oddly enough, you felt glad to see him open himself up to you. This was a new start... when he became quiet, you decided to speak.
"I get why you'd think that but... didn't you tell me it was useless to dwell on things you know is irreversible? Yeah sure, I did have bad stuffs happen to me but you also helped me out of it"
"Bad things which you wouldn't be in if it weren't for me" He was quick to add when you paused but you were fast to respond.
"I know I know but... my point is... some good came out of it... and we can't change the past so we might as well control what comes next. You know... shape our destiny..." You said, feeling awkward as he stares at you a bit too hard but suddenly out of nowhere he snorts into laughter.
"What! Why are you laughing about?" You were confused at his reaction because you weren't sure if he was genuinely humoured or losing his sanity.
"I didn't know you were into that cheesy Shakespeare shit. Where'd you read that one from? The library?" He wheezes and you roll your eyes from his teasing. He can never take you seriously.
"Did you even hear what I said?" You said and from his body shifting a bit was when you realise your feet has been pressed against his leg the entire time you've both spoken. The heavy weight of the blanket must have made it harder to feel.
Even though your skin is touching his, he doesn't seem to be rotting or anything. Rather, he's still laughing at your talk just now. When he finally stops is when you point out your discovery to him. By the time he sees it, he's fast to pull his leg from contact of your skin as to not play with his luck.
"Well shit... what do you make of that?" Butcher looks at you after pretty much leaping up to his feet.
"Then it means that my powers could be controlled?? How is the question..." You said but Butcher seemed to have lose interest on that as another thing is already on his mind.
"So you don't blame me... after everything?" He asked and you look at him, your body frozen with your hand was in the process of lifting up your feet just now to get a close inspection.
"No... but if you keep pissing me off with your attitude I might start hating you" You said after finally leaving your feet alone. He chuckles lowly.
"You're not the brightest person I know" He said but there was a smile on his face. A happy one to be precise.
"That's because I'm related to you, fucker" You joked back.
Eventually after you two seemed to resolve the tension between you both, you manage to go back to sleep with Butcher willing to watch over you by sitting beside you on the bed, but it didn't take long for him to fall asleep, which trying to be as discreet as possible, you were able to catch a peek of. Since you didn't want him to freeze, you place the extra blanket onto him. After all, maybe he's not that much of an asshole.
TAGS
@demodemo909 @naniky @1infp1
#THIS WAS MADE FROM BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS#WRITERS BLOCK IS ASS#the boys frenchie#the boys butcher#the boys mothers milk#the boys billy butcher#the boys fanfic#the boys hughie#the boys kimiko#the boys x female reader#the boys x you#the boys x y/n#the boys x reader#butcher x reader#billy butcher#the boys amazon#x reader#fluff#angst#the boys
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In Motogp there’s so much money involved, performance anxiety dominates and builds up barriers. Everyone retreats into their own pack, nothing is done together anymore. And I just adapt to it, according to the theory that it’s better to be alone than to be in a group full of fake smiles. But relationships among athletes aren’t only the ones made via some direct, classic form of communication. In sport you can actually enter into communication with someone through other ways that are more mediated but, in some cases, even more profound. With Márquez, for example, we aren’t technically friends. We think highly of each other, we respect each other, we smile to each other when one sees the other one, over the past year he’s been very fair to me, often defining me as an ideal opponent. I think it’s because he knows that I can race him very hard, but always within the rules. Which is, even if for many may not seem like it, exactly the same thing he always did while racing against me. Marc may look crazy, but he actually stands out from clichés and defies physics laws in good conscience. Unlike other riders — those reckless ones with no sense of limit, who after a crash often say “I don’t know why I crashed” — Márquez knows very well why he crashes. He often precisely crashes on purpose, just to explore that limit. He does some experiments first, then goes on to elaborate his theory. In a way, he’s an empiricist exactly like my dad was, when he purposely kept taking more and more steps forward on the track to teach me how and where to brake. It’s just that in this case, it’s the rider that does it. I like Marc. And I interpreted our famous duels in 2017 as a means to get to know each other better. In Austria and Japan we indeed were extreme, but not crazy. Adventures-seekers who like to push themselves to the limit, but not insane and neither unfair to each other […] Deep down, he isn’t irresponsible, even if he often looks for some maneuvers that have no rhyme or reason. Theoretically, and practically, they don’t make any sense. Yet I never get angry about it, not even that time in Zeltweg when it looked like I told him to fuck off. It surprises me, instead, to see what he tried to do to get a win, something like “I can’t believe it”, an amazed curiosity to see how he tried to move into this uncharted territory, the same one where, thanks to him, I consequently went into as the well. And it’s so cool. As if we both dug together a whole new vein of gold: we won’t share the prize, of course, because to keep the gold is my goal, but we still dug through it together as if we were pioneers. And this indeed does create a bond, whatever is it.
And it’s even more incredible because I exactly know what Marc is going to do in that last turn in Zeltweg. Theoretically, he doesn’t have any more weapons to attack me: at this point his Honda has less traction, worn-out tyres, less power; generally speaking, Honda is less suited to this track than Ducati. And yet he got this far, in the end […] I well know that to have Marc right behind you while going through the last corner is way too much of a problem, the worst thing it could happen to you: he’s going to try it anyway anywhere. So I’ll be there, waiting for him […] Even if we’re going at 200 km/h, I can feel upon my skin how meters get marked bit by bit. One after another. I force myself to focus on his engine’s sound to understand when and where he will attack. And when the noise is there, almost unbearable, I brake hard and leave him a bit of space on the inside line, to force him to exaggerate a bit and then overtake him in acceleration. It’s almost as if I just accepted his invite, just to deceive him later. It might look like it’s just a technical challenge, or a stunt one, but it’s actually about mind games, an hand in glove tied relationship in which our minds get connected. As in bull and bullfighter kind of way. Or, in a I know that you know that I know kind of way. To get a win in this way is a much more difficult thing to achieve, but it is much more cooler as well. When Marc gets on the inside Iine I just know that I made it, because he’s a champion, but he cannot overcome the laws of psychic. My plan gets fulfilled and the dissolving noise of his bike as he goes wide resonates with liberation. That’s when I make that gesture, automatically. Fuck off, you just got played! Real subtitle is: what did you make me do, you bastard? It’s my third win this year. It’s now clear that I am the one challenging Márquez for the title. But to me this doesn’t matter. Like it doesn’t matter that much how I just won against the one who is recognized as the hand-to-hand duels master […] What matters most is that this race has been a way to get to know each other better. Márquez, with his usual Joker smile, confesses that if he hadn’t tried to surpass me he wouldn’t have slept at all that night. That’s what perfectly defines what he is: as long as he is breathing, he will try to pass you even if he had to go through a wall.
In Motegi it isn’t that different. Here, as well, Márquez is struggling a bit more than me, but I am sure he is going to try it in the last corner. Why shouldn’t he? We’ve been “beating” each other as if there was no tomorrow for the last six laps, in some apocalyptic conditions: heavy rain, curling-like grip, no visibility at all […] Ten minutes ago I wouldn’t have thought we’d get to this point, but as soon as Márquez did a little mistake I got back on track and now we’re here, us again. Ehi, Marc, how are you doing? Our connection in Zeltweg has been restored on the other side of the world. It’s now clear that everything that is going to happen now would not be possible without the other’s collaboration. Like two alpinists in a rope team, we will get ‘till the last meter together. We overtake and we get overtaken. We give and we take. We sting like bees, fly like butterflies, and more than anything we hit like blacksmiths. At Turn 10, I change my trajectory: I’ve been studying Marc for quite a lot from behind and now I imitate him, going a bit wider. This allows me to get into Turn 11 very fast, ready for my strong suit: braking. That’s how I easily overtake him. The Ducati is very stable, everything is under control. I’d be sure to get a win at that point but an alarm goes off in my mind: I won’t give it to you this easily. Exactly. Last corner is on the right. Giving my position it’s obvious that there isn’t any physical space to get on the inside, but imagine if he does really give a damn. When I’m about to lean into the Turn, Marc abruptly arrives out of nowhere as gracefully as Hulk in a china shop. It’s not even a dirty try, more like a circus number: his engine’s noise getting closer echoes into my helmet like the drum rolls that comes just before a trapeze artist jumps. Ladies and gentlemen, Marc Márquez! Where the fuck do you want to go? You’re still sitting straight, I’m already leaning: don’t you see that we’re touching? I don’t know how, but I keep the bike in control. I suspend my maneuver for a millisecond, just enough to let him slide on the outside as I go on riding through the apex. At that point he’s way too wide, he pulls half of a miracle by leaning all on the right to keep his bike on track but has no margin for anything else. Farewell, bye, goodbye. I win today. Again. After the finish line, we stop near the track side by side. Our gloves touch. Contact. Knowledge of the other has deepened. Relationship was preserved. Despite everything, no one cut the rope and we got to the mountaintop together. It’s an awesome feeling. That’s exactly the sport that I would always like. Especially because I won. On TV I eventually admit that to win against Márquez in what he does best really excites me: this is the boost that I need for the climb to the championship, at only 11 points from the lead. Marc showers me with compliments and says that it’s awesome to battle with me for the title, the living proof that professionalism and hard work pay off. He calls me a good guy as well, and I forgive him. Actually, no. Why should I be ashamed [of being a good guy]? To pretend to be a bad guy is something that everybody can do. To actually be one when it’s needed, and to do it with a certain style, it’s something for the few.
— andrea dovizioso talking about his relationship and his duels with marc márquez in asfalto (2018)
#THIS TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG i gave away my sweat tears and blood#andrea made my life SO difficult in just three pages#this is a very (un)serious dovquez masterpost#still speechless. wish i could translate it better. he’s insane#andrea dovizioso#marc marquez#dovquez#asfalto
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Man :( My uncle kinda bummed me out about my fantasy series.
He's like "well you need humans or elves or something that readers can already relate to" and I'm like
the 10+ species I made was for nothing? The species I made to replace the human population is just,,, irrelevant? Like damn :( I really broke my back making this fantasy realm for 8 years, and I have to change it entirely now because humans need to be there for 'relatability'?
My wee little heart is shattered,, Would literally anyone read a fantasy series that doesn't have humans or elves?
#Like dawg :( I worked so hard on this shit only to be told it wont appeal to a wider audience bc I dont have humans#Surely theres gotta be someone who would read it... right?#I dont know... man#He even told me that making a whole pantheon wasn't a good move and Im like :( are u ffr rn... I made 5 fucking holy books FOR NOTHING???#It doesn't help that I see him as a father figure#currently sobbing#writer posting#writer problems#writing problems#writers on tumblr#original writing#creative writing#writing#writers#<- Really just including those bc.. like.. will people not read something like this? Do i really need humans or elves? dwarves?#I can't believe I poured my blood sweat and tears into this for nothing#the bug speaks
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had an assignment based on Gatsby where we have to pick a quote we feel has the most emotional weight and make a drawing or collage to reflect it and sadly it is now the most gorgeous piece of art I’ve made in 10,000 years. shoutout to them 1920s queers❓❓
#if you’re wondering no I did not have to put NEARLY this much effort in#fitzgerald you don’t deserve my blood sweat and tears#seriously though i’m gonna toot my own horn so hard this looks fuckin SLANGIN#made too much work for myself but DAMN. DAMN!! THAT THANG (hand) BE DRAWIN!!!#anyway. gay people real ? crazy#gatsby#the great gatsby#jay gatsby#nick carraway#natsby#nick x gatsby#f scott fitzgerald#is the leyendecker + mucha influence quite obvious#fanart#toastytag
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President Coriolanus Snow and his First Lady
#i should really start an art tag#the hunger games#coriolanus snow#lucy gray baird#snowbaird#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#tbosas#guys i put my blood sweat and tears into this#there are so many details#not necessarily easter eggs#but like deliberate artistic choices i made#cant wait to see who notices them!
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yeah, erm, spelling - not their strong point.
#good omens#good omens 2#goodomensedit#goodomensgifs#shax#s2e5 'the ball'#gifs#i made this#i just love shax's costumes and hair#i've had this idea for a gif of this scene for a while#someone else has probably already done it haha#i wish i were faster and had more time T_T#this was a real blood sweat and tears editing experience (k maybe not blood)#i learned some tricks for my poor girl's freeware-only gifmaking process tho!#rip the quality of the third gif :'( but i wanted to include the whole thing#(rip the quality in general sorry obvs still need to work on sharpening)
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nour
Nour/Lamb design is from @runningwithscizzorz
fanart be upon ye 🫵💥
#art#drawing#zah’s files#anyways#cotl#do I know anything about this game#No but my pal made a design#And I hate em#So here ya go#Put all my blood sweat and tears into this bitchass#Literally wanted to sacrifice this lamb#I hate the background but it is what it is#Lisey isn’t Van Goh#I’m not here gonna spend hours for this have fun!!#Kill my fingers#doodles#sketch#I did spend hours on this- days even
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I made a thing…
The craft saga
#Rottmnt#rottmnt donnie#tmnt#I made this at school today :3#arts and crafts#?#made him with my own blood sweat and tears#and pipe cleaners
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Omg there's such a small amount of hoffman and adam friendship dynamics in this fandom it's SO nice to see some from you ‼️ Love when adam gets to be included as an apprentice and how he'd interact w everyone
Sosososososo sorry for dropping off the face of the earth right after you sent me this lmfao heres a lil thing so everyone knows im not dead
#made this while sick as hell. its my blood and sweat and tears and other gross bodily fluids i hope you enjoy it#saw#saw fanart#saw movies#detective mark hoffman#mark hoffman#saw hoffman#adam faulkner stanheight#adam faulkner#adam stanheight#saw adam#pipeshipping#if you wanna see it that way#latenightsundayblues art tag#latenightsundayblues ask tag
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i was tweaking out because theres close to NO merch of my boy flam so i decided to take matters into my own hooves
i literally love him so much im his number one fan real ..
#aand into the jar he goes !!#joke#maybe#ugh the camera made him look 10x more yellow than he is in real life#two days of blood sweat and tears poured into this#100% worth it tho#i dont do much 3d clay stuff .. hopefully thats not too obvious#mlp#flam mlp#mlp flam#custom mlp#flim flam brothers#my little pony#rave art
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THE WELL AND THE LIGHTHOUSE PMV/ANIMATIC
youtube
very very jean valjean centric because i love him and he deserves the world <3 im not sure if pmv or animatic would apply better to this, but either way, i hope you enjoy it!
#about the events i didnt include in this: i know their significance they were just cut out because i couldnt find a way to apply it#to the lyrics or there were other moments i wanted to include more#ok with that out of the way every tag past this one will be me talking about the process of making this etc etc#basically a yap fest and fandom tags#45+ hours of work wow#never made anything like this before!#im very happy with how it turned out though :3#blood sweat and tears went into this#at points i didnt think id be able to finish this but! its here! i finished it! aah!!!!!#file size was too big to post straight to tumblr had to upload it to youtube first </3#UGH IM SO PROUD OF THIS#i did a lot of vaguely talking about it but ITS HEEREEEE!!!!!! ITS DONE! FINALLY!!!!#not sure what else to say other than wow this took me a long time and it drove me half insane#les miserables#les mis#jean valjean#valjean#inspector javert#javert#fanart#les amis de l'abc#< tagging them as a group because theyre there for one frame so it counts </3 and for some reason half the fandom is on that tag. why.#sorry les amis fans youve been deceived#art#marius pontmercy#cosette fauchelevent#pmv#animatic#dont you dare let this flop. please.#i spent 2 months on this please please please please dont let it flop.
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#painter pressure#roblox pressure#dare i say..#objectum#yeah im not sorry#made with my own blood#sweat and tears#selfshipping#terrorarttag
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Really tired of constantly seeing posts declaring that everyone in MXTX novels is complicated and 'morally grey' and that's what makes her works wonderfully written, and that everyone else who doesn't see that is stupid, or is 'demonising' characters and bashing them for rightfully criticising their shitty, very much unjustified actions.
And ironically it seems so simplistic to just declare that, because yes her stories are wonderfully written and complex, but not for that reason. You're clearly not reading her works and only spouting what you think her stories say. There are many morally grey characters in morally complex stories out there, but MDZS IS NOT ONE OF THEM.
NONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS (i.e protagonists and their male leads except for LBH maybe) ARE MORALLY GREY OR MORALLY COMPLEX.
THEY ARE ALL MORALLY RIGHTEOUS.
Just take a closer look at their actions compared to the actions of literally everyone else around them, it's not that hard to see.
Not to mention that MXTX herself literally says that WWX and LWJ are both morally ideal and that ahe hopes her readers can be like them, but people seem to have no respect for the word of authors in the name of their self projection onto the characters being contradicted nowadays 😒
(also saw someone dismissively say that HC may think that the world revolves around XL or whatever, but others don't and they're right??
First of all, did you even read the novel? HC made his judgement based on how others treated him versus how XL did when he was a CHILD. And how XL continues to treat others to this day. He is well within his rights to think the world of XL, especially since XL suffered more than every other person and still doesn't succumb to evil, despite having every right to do so, miles more than others. He all but regards XL as his moral compass, because he's proof that truly good people do exist in this world, and not ONE other person in the novel is shown to be as good as him.)
One of the reasons why I really don't like the Xianle Trio is this; neither FX nor MQ seem to regard XL as his own person with his own agency, who is capable of making his own decisions initially as HC does, and only near the end of the novel do they let up a bit when their asses had to be saved by XL multiple times. (especially considering what fools they made of themselves in that spiderweb cave lmao)
Both of them try to enforce XL ALL THE TIME ("Your Highness don't do this or don't do that or don't say this or don't go there or don't talk to him"), as if XL has not survived perfectly well on his own without them FOR 800 YEARS.
The difference between them and HC is clearly spelled out when FC asks HC about why he is not stopping XL, and HC replies that while he may not agree with some of XL's decisions, he would never force him to do what he thinks is correct, something both MQ and FX are CONSTANTLY shown to try to do.
Like please. Xianle Trio who? More like suffering XL and his pair of nuisances who think themselves to be his babysitters. And most of the time he's the one babysitting them.
Another thing that irks me is that their frequent arguments are often played off for laughs, but XL is truly a saint, because if my friends were constantly bickering over petty things all throughout our dangerous journey and giving me nothing but headaches, especially in survival situations, I'd given them the boot a long time ago.
#mdzs#I know a lot of the new people's understanding of the novel is warped by fandom misconceptions#which is tragic#because mdzs is NOT a morally complex story with everyone doing messed up things because they were justified!#it's a story about a morally righteous person struggling to do the right thing by going against the status quo#and fighting the corrupt shackles of a power hungry society#it's about the dangers of mob mentality!#it's about how you do the right thing#even when it's hard#even when it takes your blood sweat and tears#even if you get villianised for it#even if you're standing alone#even if it kills you#even when you don't get anything for it in return especially then#that's the true story#it's about the struggles of classism and the privileges of the elite#ironically enough you're missing the entire point of the novel if you just declare it as morally complex like no#the ones whose morals are right and was justified in their actions made pretty clear#the ones who are not is also made pretty clear that their actions were NOT justified#tgcf#xie lian#feng xin#mu qing#hua cheng#this turned into a rant#this was supposed to be short sigh#lan wangji#svsss
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