#this was in my drafts from earlier today
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Facebook memories are the fucking opps b/c I used to be so skinny pretty in college, what happened? 😭
#this was in my drafts from earlier today#bc i wasnt sure about posting it or not#and then i saw that last post#bc yeah wtf happened to me?#😭#it me#circa like 2016#i was so skinny 😭 id kill to look like that again rip#and of course back then i hated the way i looked too#just can't win 😭
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i just opened youtube man
#draft from earlier today#ive had the thumbnail flashing in my brain like that scene in akira for the past several hours#Deserves Torture?#ace attorney#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#gyakuten saiban
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just read the interview with jake lloyd's mother, lisa lloyd, about his experiences with schizophrenia since being in the phantom menace. i'm glad to hear that he's finally getting help and is reportedly improving, but i can't help but feel absolutely furious about the fact that he was jailed for TEN MONTHS for traffic violations and resisting arrest while in a psychotic episode. the cops wouldn't give him his meds, and denied him hospitalization because "the beds were full". ten fucking months of that. my god.
#jake lloyd#anakin skywalker#the phantom menace#tpm#star wars#posting this both bc it's important as a sw fan but ALSO bc the stigma against psychotic ppl is so absolutely horrendous. i'm sick of it#i was gonna go to bed but i found this in my drafts from earlier today and realized i hadn't posted it yet#also the fact that he was so heavily impacted by his younger sister's death is absolutely heartbreaking. i'm truly rooting for him at this#point. i understand his pain to a degree as someone with bipolar. psychosis is a heavy heavy burden
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I was seriously going to make a strong push and post something for Inklings Challenge tonight. But I had Zoom writing group after getting home (less useful for getting things posted if the thing isn't written yet xP), and then paperwork. Which I procrastinated on. And now I think I legitimately gotta go to bed soon, which is very sad for me.
TOMORROW. Tomorrow I'll make something postable, by hook or by crook.
#i failed the challenge this year :(#MAY have just overbooked myself this month (was full-booked last weekend and will be again this weekend. which meant juggling things around#but late is still good!!!#(the one piece fic i posted today didn't take up any time because it was lurking in my drafts from an earlier date)
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Im doing a lot of thinking abt why roleplaying feels different/less natural for me in beastlife s4 in comparison to s3, and i think it’s because there’s ways i know i should be feeling (based on the perception of my character— when i was fresh out of s2 nobody knew enough about my guy to have opinions) vs how i am feeling. I’m catching myself thinking, “it wouldn’t make sense for my character to [blank],” and it’s like… what do i mean by that. what do i mean that this feeling im having in-session “wouldnt make sense for my character” to feel? It might be surprising to other beasts who know me for one thing and expect consistency, i guess?? but in s3 i just acted on feelings and then shit happened. what. why am i trying to enforce a character that does not exist when the strength of mcrp lies in its improvisational nature. I didn’t write this guy on purpose, why am i trying to write him now
#i suppose its both the perception + higher investment from myself#I care about this story greatly now#and want it to be “good”. But there’s only so much control i have over that#Its not my job to break down the themes of the narrative and try my best to make it cohesive im here to play games and dramatics#My favorite mcrp narratives werent written on purpose. they literally just happened naturally#Imagine if i went into elysium after death thinking “how do i properly conclude my character arc”#And not “This will probably land us a conclusion. lets ball”#I think there’s also more pressure because my character is universally seen as a bad guy now so im like. ohh#What if i make him too sympathetic on accident and everyone thinks im weird irl about it#Bitch youre roleplaying with cubes. who give a fuck……#sorry for posting like you people know what im talking about btw#But i also just think mcrp is rlly interesting#beastlife#<- i guess. I use it as an organizational tag but its funny that there’s a “maintag” now#Still using it for organization though idgaf#Unrelated but I got a good scott ask earlier today in my drafts that i just remembered#The forgetter#Ftr i think its good to be somewhat narratively aware but the way i typically do it is in an entertainer sense#and not a serious serious mode writing sense. i am much more comfortable with one of these over the other#which would be why playing s4 feels a bit unnatural for me at times#not to say people who do go into mcrp with this mindset are like. wrong. it just does not work for me i think
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....why are women at the grocery store so hot 😭
#help lol#(from my drafts earlier today w/e I'm SAYING IT many people are saying this!!!)#minors dni /
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hii mutuals i love you .even if we have never talked ^_^
#wil talks#found this in my drafts .from earlier today i think .yeah i can post it now ok#iam .gonna try to sleep it is 4am .augh
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the mobile app does NOT want to let me to post from my drafts wtf
#trying to reblog a musing post I stashed earlier today & it is not having it#it did this to me last night too like what the hell#like it's not a big deal but it sure is annoying lmao#anyway. I....... am exhausted after a day of appointments & shit so. still no writing from me tonight#but I am eyeing my drafts more and more ok I am willing myself to have the energy & mental capacity to do some stuff in the next few days#I'm hoping my brain will cooperate 🤞#in the meantime..... love y'all 💜#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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So I think with the new Ancients, people aren’t having that same mentality of “CRK’s gonna end soon with this update” that people were yesterday, but if I’m being honest…why were we all thinking that??
Granted I’m not sure if this was so much of a problem on here, I think this may have been a CRK Twitter thing more, but screw it, I don’t have a character limit here and I feel like questioning this. So this may come off as an unnecessary rant (because it probably is, but I just have to get this off my chest)
Now I mean yes, this update has the group going to Beast Yeast, but reminder that as the Episode 18 epilogue tells us, this is not the full attack on Beast Yeast, this is a preliminary scouting mission to Beast Yeast before the attack, and the traveling party only consists of Gingerbrave’s group and Pure Vanilla, not anyone else. The final battle comes later
Another reason people were saying we’re near the end of CRK is because this is the release of the final Ancient in White Lily. I mean yes, the Ancients are central to the story, so having them all released would mean we’re probably moving into a turning point in the story, similar to when they started to be released, but I really don’t think all the Ancients being released would signify the end of it. If anything, I’d assume Dark Enchantress being released would be a better signifier of the end, since she’s the big bad of the main story and hasn’t yet been released, unlike the other villains. Also they were probably going to release her this year anyways, just because any other time would be far too long (I know Golden Cheese was a year and a half wait, but I’m willing to take that as being due to the writers having to rewrite her and her story)
And also, I’ve brought this up before, but there’s also the fact that there’s the Dragon rarity, which was just introduced and currently only has one member. If they were ending it soon, they wouldn’t introduce a whole new rarity, they’d just make Pitaya a Legendary like in Ovenbreak, it’d be pointless to have a new one just for one or two characters
I think I had other points, but I’ve forgotten what they are by this point. Bottom line, I don’t see why people thought we’d be ending the story soon with this next update
#sorry this was sitting in my drafts from earlier today#thought I should still post it today so that I don’t have to change things too much#this is just me ranting I suppose#anyways#cookie run#cookie run kingdom#new update#3rd anniversary update#rant#random stuff
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born to read fanfics and binge watch my favorite shows all day, forced to work a minimum wage job in this economy
#I saved this in my drafts from earlier today when work was killing me and I was second guessing my life but ao3 is back so live laugh love#also been applying to jobs and haven’t heard anything back but hopefully soon I’ll hear something back#more of steph’s random thoughts#ao3
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chat i’m cooked
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(Ms. Marvel (2014) #7)
Ms. Marvel: I don't like hurting stuff. Even giant sewer alligators. I mean.. is it possible to help people without hurting other people? Or, you know... reptiles? Wolverine: No. It ain't. It all circles around. The hurt I mean. Sometimes you can avoid hurting other people but it usually means you get hurt pretty bad instead. The pain's gotta go somewhere. Ms. Marvel: I don't want to believe that. Wolverine: You're young.
I know lots of people say that Ms Marvel is good, but also, Ms Marvel is good.
#going through my drafts and posting all my live blog thoughts from earlier today when I was too lazy to type up transcriptions#marvel#marvel comics#ms marvel#havendance reads comics#comic panel hoard#carthago delenda est
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what kind of exam puts the big essay question in the middle??? what kind of hell world am I living in
#quil’s unholy underworld#found this in my drafts from earlier today#took a very shitty exam this was only one problem with it#it was 13 questions. 1 essay question#and it was question 5 out of 13???#and we weren't allowed to go back once we'd answered a question#i already complained to my mom about it but maybe i'll do so here again#the questions weren't. weren't even about the content of what we've been reading the past 5 weeks??#it was about a bunch of fucking tiny details#like 'which of these four authors was part of the english depart at this school?'#which like. yes we did mention that. but ONCE. and yes knowing author's backgrounds and accomplishments#especially from marginalized communities is also good#but thats??? not at all what we've been mainly focusing on???#we've been focusing on and analyzing their WRITING#for 95% of class every single class#WHY are we not drawing from that on the exam#I don't fucking know that one singular detail mentioned once in the documentary we watched once and can't access on our own!!#i didn't know I needed to memorize the smallest shit!!#the teacher is nice and the class is enjoyable but my professional (i've been a student for years) opinion is that that's not a good#exam structure
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I barely got an hour of sleep and I can’t tell anyone since they all think I was sleeping bc I didn’t wanna talk 💀
I might not be a tight sleeper, but I am a good pretender
#they are just people who are in my room while i’m in a hostel; i only know one (1) of them better#but they were drinking and fairly intent on smoking and spilling every secret possible#my tired ass wasn’t having it (legs hurt; tired; slept bad; light still on bc they’re talking; everything was LOUD)#then when they drank their part and all blissfully fell asleep my state got Worse#because the draft from the window was cold and i was sleeping above a radiator#worst possible combination#I changed 3 beds because I couldn’t close the window (it was stuck)#so today I will hopefully go to sleep earlier#I also found out some interesting rumours about my eminence#I was one small teeny tiny step away from just sitting straight up in bed and saying “that’s not true”#but i didn’t want to encourage them; i just wanted to sleep#I actually pondered getting a coffee today#shows just how dire the situation is (i do not drink cofffee)#anyway#lol#it talks#Thoughts
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I was doing so well today (feeling not necessarily always positive, but neutral at least, which is better than usual for me), and suddenly I've just been hit by this. wave of sadness and feeling of uselessness. bleh
#text post#i should probably get ready for bed but i don't feel like ive done enough today to earn it#so im gonna sit up and pop on the job boards again#maybe get another video up from my last round of filming#already did more surveys earlier while i was trying to write#and i did save the drafts i made even if they all feel crap to me rn#what the fuck switch did i accidentally trip in my brain within the last couple hours like fr
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jJudas
There is a strange duality in the guilt that comes from religion
It compounds on itself.
It is going to confession for the crime of loving another
feeling like a traitor.
Not just to yourself... your God... but to the other
You are judas.
The love you shared is like that forsaken kiss in the garden.
In that confessional, you realize that your lover is Jesus
and You are Judas
It shatters me: to know you is sin but to renounce you is hell.
#MyLife#Yeah#love#CreativEndeavors#written wordss#this is a rework of a draft that I had sitting in my notes app#I thought of many of the lines to this while crying and driving my car LMAO#I think it was after something to do with that one church group i won't shut up about#in the rework here I tried to be intentional with the formatting but I'm no poet#every so often i'll just drop a beyond shitty poem and then reblog a gazillion things to try and cover it from my feed#like this poem is started a couple months old and i was feeling just melancholy enough today to finish it#i've never been in love nor have i had a lover but I have been Judas all the same#Been Judas acted as a judas#tbh i think my melancholy today may have started earlier than i thought#two connected things#i thought it was the later thing that caused it but tbh i think the later thing was just the match on the kindling of the earlier thing#not that deep but for the first time in Several Months I actively pretended to be straight#i volunteer with the elderly so when i'm talking with the lady and she asks if im married i reply a lot but in it i say#no ma'am i haven't found the right man yet#like even though i interact with people who i'm closeted around regularly enough i don't usually ever deflect so hard#makes me feel fake; phony; not me#but c'est la vie baby#like by deflect so hard i usually am slick with changing convo directions or any number of things i don't ever say im attracted to men
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