#this was actually kind of hard because all of them men are somewhat decent in some light

[cheesecakeislazy]

Hey, I hope you have a nice day. I also hope you enjoy MORE FUCKIN HEADCANONS WOOOOOOO

Sally Headcanons

1. While yes, Sally loves the color pink, it isn’t actually her favorite color. She doesn’t have one. She loves blue, green, purple, all colors.

2. The only color Sally dislikes is orange, due to this, she hates oranges and tangerines

3. Sally has the body of a 7-10 year old, yet she is mentally older.

4. Despite the fact Sally is mentally 16, she still has childlike characteristics within her mindscape

5. Sally has a hard time trusting adult men; females and younger males are more trustworthy to Sally

6. Mr. D (Sally’s teddy bear) is a normal teddy bear

7. Every single person inside the mansion has seen Mr. D move on his own; nobody knows how or why as Slender has confirmed it has no supernatural tendencies within it

8. Sally likes to watch Bluey

9. Sally likes to hang out with BeN, Jeff, and Toby; viewing all three of them as older brothers

10. Jeff and Sally hang out the most

11. Sally used to have a little kid crush on Ben; Sally no longer views BeN that way because she thinks that dating is gross

12. Sally is AroAce in my AU, because despite physically being 7, she’s mentally around 16

13. Sally constantly asks Slender for a puppy

14. Sally hates wearing socks

15. Sally also hates wearing shoes of any kind

16. Sally doesn’t leave footprints anywhere, not in snow, mud, anything.

17. When Sally has tantrums Jeff calls them her “poltergeist attacks”

18. When upset, Sally can make objects levitate.

19. Sally usually throws the objects she levitates, due to the fact the objects are usually plates, vases, cups, and Toby- Damage is always present after a Sally tantrum

20. Sally cannot levitate objects on command.

21. Sally calls Slender “Mr. Slenderman”

22. Sally gave Slender a white mug that had “#1 Mr.Slenderdad” written with black sharpie on it

23. Sally isn’t an innocent little girl, she also loves to commit war crimes

24. Sally usually kills creeps, molesters, perverts, etc.

25. Sally has constant bruises and cuts on her from her death

26. The wound on Sally’s head eternally bleeds forever, it’s annoying but she’s gotten used to it

27. Slender puts bandages around her head to somewhat stop the bleeding

28. Sally and Jane argue a lot

29. Jeff managed to convince Sally that Jane is a bitch

30. Sally is a Princess Peach main in MarioKart

31. Sally is one of the few people that Ben likes to play board games with because she doesn’t destroy the game board/pieces

32. Sally likes to play house and dress up

33. Sally serves real tea and desserts at her tea parties

34. Sally doesn’t really know how to defend herself, so she can’t go on intense missions or go on missions alone

35. Sally is 4’5

36. Sally needs to be babysat whenever a majority of the mansion is on an expedition

37. Babysitting duty is rotated around the mansion

38. Jane hates babysitting duty because Sally never listens to her

39. Jeff is rarely on it but when he is, he loves it

40. Most of the proxies see Sally extremely often but don’t really know her

41. If given the chance, Sally will cling onto Slenderman all day

42. Sally loves Ben’s brownies (the not weed ones)

43. Sally loves chocolate chip cookies

44. Sally and Lulu are decent friends

45. Sally and Lazari have play dates together

46. Sally and Lazari share a room in the mansion

47. Sally and Smile dog have a complicated relationship

48. Sally loves Smile Dog because he’s a dog and constantly tries to play with him

49. Smile dog.. is an intelligent dog that usually wants to be left alone; he doesn’t hate Sally he just finds her a lot to deal with

50. Sally used to be really bad at painting nails, now she’s actually quite good at it due to BEN teaching her

51. Sally likes to draw and finger paint

52. Sally’s art skills are the same of a preschooler (aka fucking awesome)

53. Sally has a bad habit of randomly falling asleep; Slenders arms, Slenders tentacles, tea parties, while standing up, taking a bath, etc.

54. Sally likes fruit punch and grape juice

55. Sally likes to say Fuck (Jeff taught her)

[glacieracrobat]

You trying to do a “reverse breakdown/satire” in your fics is rather interesting. You seem to have consumed a lot of the kinda smut you don’t enjoy. Just in order to write your fics?

Or maybe it isn’t that deep and you just feel ashamed about getting off to all those things you mention in your fics. Why else would you know them so well. Only someone who has read hundreds of such fics can recreate them. So due to shame you try “reverse” it under the facade of satire.

I just wanna know how does it feel knowing it’s ultimately futile. Fellow women who disagree are all stupid to you, but they drive the popular discourse. So it doesn’t really matter. You see it around everyday the “normalisation” of something awful (according to you) but can’t stop it. And the world won’t ever truly move towards the direction you want. I winner hope it feels.

Maybe women who don’t agree with you know it’s never that deep and just want to get off sexually. Whereas you feel shame for the same.

You could satirise this message as well to mask your actual feelings about it, you are decent at it. Or pretend you didn’t read it.

Anyways I hope your villain era ends, cause villains’ don’t have happy endings.

Eh you’re close but not exactly.

Of course I consumed lots of fics like that. I’ve been online since middle school, being exposed to that kind of thing is somewhat inevitable. I wouldn’t say I ever got off to women being abused; arguably I get off to men being abused but it’s hard to pinpoint the exact feelings there. I don’t really feel ashamed of it tho because all I have to do is look at the front page of any porn site to see what men are up to. Nothing I could do compares to that.

Also yah I’m pretty self aware about the whole idea of futility. Like yah misogyny has existed since the dawn of humanity, it’s permeated every culture in existence, so there’s really no reason to expect anything will change, especially not with my crack fanfics lmao. But that’s not the point. Even if the world won’t change I’m still having fun with it. That’s what fiction is for right? Exploring the impossible? Perfect for acting out my revenge fantasies and whatever else I feel like. And guess what I’m not the only one who digs it, so maybe the world is healing

[lightyaoigami]

begging for more behind-the-scenes kompromat lore!! i need to know their wines of choice or i'll die

omg ilysm thank you for asking this. they are drinking hard alcohol in kompromat because i needed them to be Drunk. light is drinking macallan rare cask because it's scotch with a recognizable name and he needs to perform his masculinity appropriately and one easy way to do that is to drink brown liquor neat. he picked rare cask so he looks rich in front of any men he may or may not want to hit on. L is drinking toki because it's a decent whisky which tastes somewhat sweet, and he's just kind of bored and depressed so he needs a boring drink. light sends him an old fashioned because i knew it had to be a drink with a cherry in it; initially before i had the cherry divine vision i was going to have it be a gimlet, which is the drink that i would want to receive from a hot stranger. but L is not me, so i had to do a change-up. also, old fashioneds are made with a sugar cube so i thought that was a nice little nod to canon. originally i was going to have it be a manhattan but that didn't feel right. when L switches to gin, i picked that because it supposedly makes you weepy, and hendrick's because it's kind of like toki, it's decent but not fancy and L despite being a gazillionaire has "just some guy" energy sometimes.

also if i were to retcon all of this and have them drink wine, light would drink beaujolais for red because he's a baby and doesn't like burgundy; i think his spirit wine is actually riesling because he's sour and tart as a person and riesling is dry and krispy. L drinks any red described as 'glouglou' or malbec because it tastes like chocolate.

ok this was a lot longer than i expected it to be lmao. also, the bar is the fumoir and the hotel is claridge's. very fancy. very sexy. it has nice room service. you can go on a little stroll the next morning instead of a grungey walk of shame (yes L stayed the night hope that helps xo)

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: The Counterfeit Scoundrel by Lorraine Heath

4/5. Releases 2/21/2023.

For when you're vibing with... Cat and mouse, historical romance with a feminist streak, heroes who deeply appreciate women, and a bit of food... play?

Here's where we get a fake rake. But like, it's all for a good cause. David Blackwood, AKA Bishop (because the guys in this series call themselves THE CHESSMEN, which I find DELIGHTFUL) is called upon by women of high society--not for real affairs, but for fake ones. A woman simply has to be seen giving him some well-timed visits, and his reputation (and ability to seem like the rogue) will do the rest. Accused of adultery by their husbands--with Bishop named in the divorce cases--these women are able to end their marriages as they like. He doesn't ask why, he doesn't charge a fee, he just does it because it's fucking hard to get a divorce in the Victorian era, and Bishop LIVES on Respect Women Juice. Also, tragic past. Naturally.

One of the supposed cucks has actually taken the initiative to hire a detective--and who is it, but Daisy, Bishop's apparent new maid. Bishop knows something is up with Daisy right off the bat, but he is somewhat distracted by how much he wants to fuck her (a strange thing for a man who is so in control, you know the type). And Daisy, while a very good detective, is somewhat distracted by how much she wants to fuck Bishop. So, a cat and mouse between two people who really wanna bone ensues, and don't we love that? We do.

Something about this book was really cozy and comforting to me, and I have no idea why. But that bodes well for a February release, and I'm glad I waited for it to cool down before I read it. Honestly, the comfort may just be in the fact that I love Lorraine Heath's writing, and her prose is so lovely, and it's just like... nice to read something by someone who clearly knows exactly what she's doing every step of the way. There was even a point where I kind of worried that Lorraine was going to do something that would come off as bad, but then nope, she addressed that shit.

I don't know if this is my favorite book of hers, but it's very good, and it's just a well done romance novel about two people who have their flaws but are fundamentally decent. And as someone who often likes to read about the trash-est of trash men, that can be a bit of challenge. But somehow, she just sells it. Lorraine can take fundamentally good people and put them in a situation where no one is really a true bad guy, and sell how much it sucks that circumstances are like this without making them come off as victims. That's talent.

Standout Points:

--Bishop really is a very feminist hero without the concept of "feminist hero" beating anyone over the head. He just likes women, wants to protect them, and has some good, old-fashioned mommy issues in the back of his head. He just seems like a really chill guy who can fuck hard, without necessarily losing his edge or his ability to do a Dumb Thing due to trauma.

--Daisy's journey with her family was really lovely. I think you'll see one plot point coming pretty much as soon as it's introduced, but that really isn't like... why it's there.

--Lorraine Heath keeps highlighting independence and why marriage isn't something you should need but something you should want, and she also keeps giving late in life love stories their due. I love it.

--The grovel in this book (there is a grovel) isn't dramatic, per se, but it was very emotionally authentic to Bishop and Daisy and their story, and I loved that.

--There's a subplot for one of Bishop's lady friends that I loved.

--Daisy being a lady detective was super fun, but wasn't overdone, when it so often is in lady detective books.

--We love the seeds being planted with chocolate and the harvest being collected in turn.

The Sex Stuff:

Lorraine Heath books are never the most explicit--but she builds the sexual tension so well, and writes the sex scenes so beautifully that it's always great. And they're still hot, and in some ways have been getting hotter. This one, I would say, scales back from The Return of the Duke (which was probably the most explicit Heath book I've read). There's sex, it's good, the heroine is a virgin and understandably isn't doing acrobatic moves, and I think this book has one of the most refined and classy and romantic descriptions of cunnilingus I've ever read. Also, there is some fun usage of melted chocolate.

This is just a really solid Lorraine Heath, and I had fun with it. I love seeing old characters show up (King and Penelope, James Swindler: detective of dubious renown, among others), and I love getting hints at the next Chessmen stories. I am so excited to start a new series by Lorraine, and I can't wait for the next book.

Thanks to Netgalley and Avon for providing me with a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[animezinglife]

If you’re referring to American football, then no. In a high school setting, it really doesn’t exist as an official school sport. There are occasionally club sport options for females or co-ed flag football opportunities.

Hypothetically, if you were going to have a female on the [American] football team (which would be all boys or men), it’d be best to have her be the kicker since it’s a less-contact role and she’d be less likely to take hard hits from much bigger, stronger, male players. Plus, she could potentially make a decent one if she were a pretty good soccer player or something.

Football is one of the few sports that really doesn’t have a female equivalent in schools. Both boys’ and girls’ teams exist for soccer, baseball and softball coexist, boys’ and girls’ tennis, track, etc. Girls’ wrestling teams have started to become more of a norm, but they wisely wrestle other female opponents instead of males.

The problem with football is that it’s a heavy-contact sport. It’d be one thing for young kids to play together on a co-ed team, but that’s starting to be an extremely unwise decision once biology really starts kicking in. 

I was a female martial artist and lifted a lot of weights back at that time, and I would’ve never wanted to truly compete against my male peers. Training with them was fine--it genuinely makes girls and women stronger and tougher. I think it’s absolutely necessary for girls and women to train with boys and men in that kind of sport so they can actually understand how to defend themselves, and you'll see a MASSIVE difference in the women who do train with men and those who don't. But sports are gender-segregated for a reason, and a very good one at that. Female athletes are able to shine through their own physical prowess on an even playing field. Physically, we’re generally at massive disadvantages compared to male athletes.

It could happen that a girl ends up on a boys’ team in high school, and people who don’t know or understand the physicality of sports will celebrate it. Everyone else will be biting their nails. Even having her as a kicker would be a little controversial not because female athletes aren’t recognized for their hard work and prowess, but because nobody wants to watch a teenage girl get bulldozed by a 210 lb. lineman (even if he’s being somewhat of a gentleman and massively dialing back his power).

I worked with a lot of athletes at the collegiate level, and sometimes, I would talk with incoming freshmen (prospective first-years who were in their senior years of high school). Not only did a lot of those teenage boys--still technically kids or so barely legally adults that they might as well still be considered kids--tower over me while being about two of me wide, but looked closer to twenty-five.

It would be disturbing to most to watch a girl their same age on the field with them. Especially in regions like the South and Midwest where [American] football is a huge part of American high school and college culture, you won’t find many parents or administrators who would be onboard with a female playing on a male team. There are, however, plenty of other wonderful roles she could take on if she wanted to specifically be involved in football.

If you’re referring to soccer and not American football, then that’s easy: girls’ teams are everywhere in American high schools and they do great! 

An all-female American football team wouldn't really have any competition at the high school level yet. They might be able to find it in a club sport option.

If you have any more questions, I'm happy to help however I can.

For anyone who grew up in the USA, I was posed a question by one of my fellow, non-American irl writing friends that had me thinking. For high school sports, is football truly the most common option and furthermore, is there never any girl's teams as well? Would it be realistic to write a teenage girl who was a football player and that was not controversial or would an all female football team turn heads? For context, where we grew up the main sport was rugby and there was always women's and men's teams, especially in high school.

[loosesodamarble]

Hi Erika♡ for your ask game: 003 with William, Licht, Nozel, Fuegoleon, and Julius if u can

Oh, yay! I finally get to rank some characters! Thank goodness. I do like the other options just fine. But there are three options for a reason, to be used.

Sorry that it took a while to address this ask. It came in later than the others and I tend to answer asks in the order they appear in my inbox.

Now, time to rank some men.

..........

Licht: Big surprise. Licht is my favorite from this group. I may have a gigantic bias because I simp for him. I am weak for men who can and will beat me in a fight and possibly threaten me with a blade to my throat (not saying Licht specifically would but you get the idea). What else can I say? Aside from being handsome, he's also one of most reasonable people in the group. In the past, he was one of a few people who believed that elves and humans could live alongside each other. His optimism and kindness makes me soft. And then, in the present, he shows off why he led the elves. He is kind and understanding towards Patry, quickly recognizes his new allies in the mages of the present, and gives his all in the fight against Zagred. I wish he could've stuck around but the afterlife with Tetia called to him I guess. My biggest complaint (which isn't even because of him) is that whenever I try to look him up, I also end up with pictures of Patry because Patry posed at him for a long time. Long story short, I love Licht.

Nozel Silva: I think he only gets this high on the list because I simped for him. Also me and a very good friend of mine (@/cringeyvanillamilk) have ocs we ship with him so there's some fondness built on that. Nozel is a stern and distant person, to be sure, but he still uses his power for the greater good and acknowledges people's strength (given enough time). He is one of those people that you probably wouldn't like working with but would be glad to have on your side. His relationship with Noelle needs so much work and I'm glad that Tabata has finally made it possible for a greater reconciliation to be made.

Fuegoleon Vermillion: I will attribute my fondness for Fuegoleon to Steph and @/thoughtfullyrainynightmare. He's an admirable man in many regards. He shows a great passion while still showing discipline. In some alternate universe, I might've simped for him. But in this universe, I simply see him as a very cool leader and older brother figure. His relationships with Mereoleona and Leopold are entertaining too, especially Mereo since she is guaranteed person to bring out Fuego's petty side. Overall, a good guy.

Julius Novachrono: The Wizard King himself. I think my opinion of him is a bit lower in this ranking because of how he got nerfed by the story and then the nerf reveal in-universe. Why couldn't he stay awesome and older forever. sigh Still, his presence in the world is so influential. William and Yami, some of the strongest mages in series, really look up to him. Yuno and Asta want to surpass him. Spade held off on invading because of the threat of Julius' power. While I don't find myself attracted to Julius, to all the people who self-ship or have ocs to ship with Julius, you have good taste.

William Vangeance: Uh... the guy is an instrument to terrorism? I get why lots of people like him. He has an interesting magic attribute, a calm nature, and a tender heart. He's also handsome and I'm not even put off by the scar because I already saw something similar in Demon Slayer. But he betrayed an entire nation of people as well as the first man to see past his appearance to find a brave and kind magic knight. All that betrayal just for Patry's sake. Maybe if I grew up with Patry's soul in my body I would think differently but as it stands, I just can't abide by William's choice. That is something that I won't let go of easily. At least he wants to right his wrong but he should've been punished more. William lovers, you are free to love William. Just don't expect me to join easily.

[spook-central]

So you know how I said I was gonna write a short Ray fic based on that garage kiss in Some Kind of Wonderful?

GUESS WHAT I DID IT

I’ll be posting it here and on archive of our own! Find me there at egonspenglersnose and give it some love!)

It’s based on this scene and this song if you need a little more context! Enjoy!

•••

She Loves Me

Word Count: 2939

Warnings: none it’s fluffy!

The day had started off normally enough, aside from the usual craziness that often occurred around the firehouse. Spring was in the air, and after what had felt like a bleak and oppressive winter, it was finally time to open up the doors and air the place out.

It felt good, letting the spring air in, and it made your overtime far more bearable.

You often stayed late a few times a week to make sure everything was caught up on for the next day when things got busy during the work week, something which Janine always appreciated greatly. Tonight was no exception, but the sun staying out for a longer time in the evenings definitely made it more enjoyable.

It also helped that Ray had lingered behind this evening to work on the Ecto. You had always been incredibly fond of him, and it was obvious to just about everyone that a crush had blossomed on your part.

You recalled the day you had met him; they had hired you on the spot mainly because they needed the help but also because you had a fairly impressive resume, and Ray was one of the first of the guys you had been introduced to.

He was quite honestly one of the best looking men you had ever met, and so incredibly sweet. You immediately liked him and got a good feeling about him.

You loved how passionate he was about the Ecto, and his overall knowledge of cars had always impressed you. Even if you didn’t know much about them, you loved his enthusiasm for them and it easily rubbed off on you.

Now, as you finished up the last of your paperwork for the evening, you could hear him tinkering away not far from you. Ecto had her fair share of problems, but there was nothing Ray wouldn’t do for that car. It was like another member of the team, and you couldn’t imagine the guys doing anything without it.

Ray would occasionally come in from where he was working for something he needed, and your eyes would meet on occasion. You had never had the guts to tell him of your feelings. Ray was just so cute and enthusiastic about what he did that it was hard NOT to give him heart eyes 24/7.

From time to time, you would hear him shuffle in for a drink of water or a missing wrench that he had left in the lab, smiling at him as you took in the sight of his wild brown hair and big, sweet eyes. How was it fair for one human to be that cute? You felt like you were sixteen again with the way you wanted to fawn over him.

However, restraint was a quality you possessed as well, and you hoped that you had been able to be somewhat subtle around him.

Oh well, maybe someday you would have enough courage. Sighing as you finished up your paperwork for the night, you stood to stretch your back, adjusting your jeans, purse and blouse as you made your way towards the door.

“She still down and out?” You asked Ray as you came to stand carefully beside the lovely car he had so caringly constructed and repaired. It really was his baby, in a funny way, and you respected the work that had gone into it a great deal. Ecto kept the guys in one piece, and you gave the vehicle a sweet little pat on the roof as if to say thank you.

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” he said, his voice echoing off of the metal interior before attempting to stand up too quickly and bumping his head on it. “Ow!”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, it always gets me like that,” he chuckled, rubbing the spot on the back of his head that had been bumped and smiling that sweet, bright smile of his at you that always made you melt. “Are you headed out for the day?”

“Yup, unless you need anything else from me that is,” truth be told, you would’ve gladly stayed all night just to hang around with him. Ray seemed hesitant to fully say Goodnight, and you couldn’t help wondering if he was thinking the same thing.

“Well, uh...hand me the socket wrench?” You had gotten a fairly decent rundown of which tools were which upon receiving your first car as a teenager thanks to your father, so luckily you knew exactly what he needed. “Thanks.”

“Sure thing,” adjusting your purse on your shoulder, you couldn’t help asking about a case that had piqued your interest. “How did that class 5 turn out?”

“The one from yesterday?”

“Yeah, that one sounded nuts!”

“It was,” he laughed, “Venkman’s aim is getting better, he didn’t make any chandeliers explode this time.”

“I thought that one was Egon?”

You both laughed, and part of you was thrilled at how naturally conversation came for the both of you.

Needing a socket wrench turned into needing pliers, but soon enough Ray ran out of tools to need and it was clear that he really just wanted to spend time with you. You weren’t about to object in the slightest, comfortably sitting on a nearby stool and watching as he worked.

Truth be told, he had liked you ever since meeting you on that first day. You were always kind to him, and listened to anything he had to say no matter how out there it was.

He also couldn’t help thinking that you were incredibly pretty and very smart, but his own shy nature prevented him from saying so the way he wanted to.

A long time passed with you talking to Ray as he worked, and it was quite nice. The sun was setting now, the light golden as it streamed in from the open door beside the Ecto, but you didn’t mind.

“So Venkman seriously busted up this woman’s entire China cabinet?” The conversation had strayed back to Venkman now, and you couldn’t help laughing. He was such an odd duck, and you always got a kick out of him and his wild antics.

“We were able to blame it on the ghost being rowdy, but my god, it was a mess!” Ray tried to smooth back his messy hair as he laughed again, his hands covered in engine grease and not helping the situation much.

“He seems like he can be a real peach when he’s not causing trouble,” you rolled your eyes, smiling as Ray closed up the Ecto’s hood.

“He teases me plenty, that’s for sure, but I love him. He’s one of my best friends,” Ray was clearly fond of Venkman, and you didn’t doubt that their bond was a special one.

“What on earth does he tease you about?”

“Mostly my luck with women. Not that his is anything to go by,” this got a gut laugh out of you, and you were surprised by how witty Ray could be at times.

“No kidding. What, does he think you haven’t got game or something?”

“He tells me women won’t want to kiss me since I smoke so much.” Ray rolled his eyes, and you couldn’t help thinking about how far from the truth that actually was. “Or he acts like I don’t know how to do it at all. I mean, sure, I spend a lot of time at work but I’m not a complete hermit.”

You both laughed again, and you sat your purse on the ground as you got a rather cheeky idea. Was it even smart to try and approach things like this? Would he go for it? God, you hoped so.

“I’m sure you know how. I mean, everybody has a general idea of how to lay a proper smooch on someone if they want to.”

He raised an eyebrow at this, thinking the phrasing was humorous and wanting to hear more from you on this subject in particular.

“A ‘proper smooch’?”

“Yeah, you know. The kiss that kills. Butterflies and rainbows and all that stuff.”

He watched you as you took a few causal steps toward the Ecto now, the gears visibly turning in his head. Was this some subtle attempt at flirting?

The nearby radio, which had been playing softly in the background the whole time, played a song that perfectly fit the mood, the lyrics softly ringing out as you contemplated what to say next.

‘Who made the rule

that I should always play the fool?

All the nights I suffered

when I need not have bothered…’

“I don’t think I’ve ever had one of those, now that I think about it,” he admitted with a half smile.

“I uh...I think I’ve gotten close, but never all the way there,” you tucked a bit of hair behind your ear, watching as Ray adjusted his uniform, which he still had on. It had smudges of engine grease on it now, and you found it endearing.

He realized that this chance was now or never, gauging by the look in your eyes that you wanted what he wanted and deciding to go for it.

“How would it work? I mean...you seem like you know more about it than me,” he took a step closer, and you knew your eyes were shining in an undeniably flirty way.

“Oh you—you want me to show you?”

“I mean...if you feel up to it. I’m no expert and I could use the help.” Cheeky man, you thought. You could certainly show him if that was what he wanted.

“Do you have your eye on somebody, Ray?”

He wiped his hands on a nearby rag, the tension heightening as you watched them and then met his eyes again. You had always had a thing for those wonderful hands of his.

“I guess you could say that, yeah,” he nodded, his big brown eyes warm and sincere and you knew what he wanted to say but didn’t right then.

Instead of pressing further, you nodded, thinking this might be the most fun lesson you ever had the pleasure of teaching anyone as you got right into it.

“Well...I mean, first you have to start off in a stationary position. That helps,” he was closer now, and your cheeks flashed a soft tinge of pink as the space between you lessened. You didn’t usually have it in you to be playful, but decided to gently hop up on the hood of the Ecto in an attempt to bring him closer. “Come a little closer than that. Can’t do a thing from that far away.”

You moved to scoot nearer to the edge of the hood, willing Ray closer and practically beaming as he closed the space between you both more and more with each step.

Had anyone else sat on the hood like this, Ray might have gotten finicky, but the sight of you so close to the car he loved so much actually only ended up getting him going even more.

“It definitely helps,” he rubbed the back of his neck now, seeing that this had clearly turned into something beyond just a lesson in kissing techniques. You could smell his cologne now that he was so close, which only seemed to set your senses on overdrive even further.

“Now, uh...do you know where your hands go?”

His eyebrows raised in what seemed like a mix of curiosity and confusion, and you couldn’t help the way your breath hitched now that he stood directly in front of you.

“My hands?”

“Yeah. They go on the hips of whoever you’re kissing,” the mood had certainly shifted now, and you felt more daring than you ever had before. A timid smile crossed your face as Ray allowed you to guide his hands to the appropriate place, and the realization that this was definitely about to happen made your stomach do leaps.

“Hips, got it.” God, his hands were so strong and steady and you didn’t even care if this got engine grease on your jeans, it was just thrilling to have him this close.

“Okay, now look into my eyes. Eye contact is important.” The both of you gave a shy, breathy chuckle as your eyes met, and you playfully shoved Ray’s chest. “Come on, we’ve gotta take this seriously if you want to learn anything.”

“Sorry, I get a little skittish with these things,” he admitted, and you shook your head with a smile.

“It’s okay, but the lesson isn’t quite over yet,” you said, your cheeks noticeably warmer. The tension was enough to make your heart race.

“Alright, and uh...after that?”

“Well, uh...my hands go here,” you reached up to loop your arms around his neck, inevitably bringing him directly between your legs and causing Ray to clear his throat.

“How do you, uh...I mean, how do you know that that happens every time?”

“I watch a lot of TV, I guess,” you managed a soft laugh with this, “now, uh...close your eyes.”

Ray’s heart was pounding. Was this seriously about to happen?

“Close my—? Oh, yeah, okay.” He nodded a bit, doing as you said and knowing he had wanted this for what felt like forever. He was so handsome up close, and you couldn’t believe your luck.

It was time to go in for the kill, and you didn’t waste a second.

Leaning in, the first contact was soft and exploratory, and it took Ray a moment to figure out exactly how to respond. But once he got the angle right, it was everything you had described and more.

The music swelled on the radio nearby, and you thought you could’ve melted right then and there.

‘The minutes that we missed

idle lips that should’ve kissed

and now gently together

The first kiss lasts forever

She loves me, she loves me

Oh and she loves me, all the time…’

Tilting his head a bit, Ray found just the right angle, and one kiss turned into what felt like a million. Your hands made their way into his hair, that hair you loved so much that often seemed to fly out in all directions.

His lips were soft and very pleasant to kiss, and it occurred to you that he must use lip balm of some kind. Ray himself couldn’t believe this was happening. He honestly couldn’t fathom how he had been lucky enough to end up kissing you like this, but he was, and he was putting everything he had into it.

Ray’s mind moved at a million miles a minute. All he could think about was how it felt when you moved in a rhythm with him, how soft your lips were, your soft body, and how GOOD you smelled—

He nearly sighed as he felt your leg brace around him to bring him in as close as possible, gripping your jeans to pull you close by your hips in return.

You nearly melted into a puddle on the floor at the feeling of his grip, so strong and firm on you like he couldn’t bear to leave any space between the two of you at all.

He must have shaved that morning, you thought, having expected him to have at least a little stubble and feeling surprised that there was none. Where on earth had Ray learned to kiss so well? Boy would Venkman have egg on his face if he knew about THIS.

Unfortunately for you both, you had to break away and breathe at some point, just looking at each other until you finally managed to speak.

“Well, uh...Venkman was wrong. Way wrong. Wow.”

“It was...I mean, was it like you said? Butterflies and—and all that for you too?”

“Are you kidding?” You laughed, “sheesh, I didn’t know you had that in you. You wouldn’t have any trouble hooking any woman you wanted if you kissed her like that.”

He seemed surprised and incredibly flattered, looking down and then back up at you with a grin and eager brown eyes.

“Was it obvious at all that I was referring to you?”

“I kind of hoped that was the case,” both of you grinned then, the final chorus of the song fading out in the background as the spring breeze blew in once more.

‘She loves me, she loves me

Oh and she loves me all the time…’

You couldn’t resist leaving a sweet peck on Ray’s cheek just because you could, earning a bright smile from him as he got a somewhat playful gleam in his eye.

“The guys are gonna be gone for the rest of the evening, and I don’t have anything else planned...would you want to grab some dinner with me?”

“Sure, but only if we can do more of this afterwards,” you giggled, and Ray helped you off the hood of the Ecto to stand you up and kiss you so that he could press you flush against him now. You were sure you looked like a cartoon character with birds chirping around your head as he pulled away.

“You drive a hard bargain,” Ray said, unable to keep from grinning as he took your hand, “but you’ve got yourself a deal.”

What a lesson to teach with anyone, you thought. He was a fast learner, that was for sure.

Picking up your purse, the two of you headed out, and you couldn’t help humming that lovely chorus to yourself one last time.

‘She loves me, she loves me

Oh and she loves me all the time…’

[the-hopeless-haze]

Oh, My Precious Whore

A/N: didn’t really think I’d ever be posting fic on here again… but I am tired and need a distraction so… have this as a treat

Pairing: Claire Underwood x f!reader, implied Duncan Shepherd x f!reader

CW: derogatory pet names, implied smut (will not occur in full until the next part)

Description: idk this is just pure filth bc there’s a severe lack of f!reader fic and… Robin Wright is hot af. Also had to throw in some Duncan in there bc I love Cody Fern

Maybe you should feel worse right now about what you’re doing, but you don’t.

You, at the very least, should feel scared. The Underwoods, or well, Underwood... she was a powerful woman and if you stepped a millimeter out of place your life was likely in danger. Or so they said. Your in-laws were wary of her, you know, but she was wary of them, too. You think. She’s a difficult woman to read.

The rumors concerning the crimes her late husband supposedly committed are lengthy and convoluted, but you suspect they hold some truth to them. Most rumors usually aren’t based totally in fiction. Her husband was truly a ruthless motherfucker. Claire... Claire doesn’t seem to be ruthless. Nor does she seem to be what you would describe as a motherfucker.

No, she’s a cold hearted bitch. A bitter, sociopathic cunt.

But you never wanted what was good for you.

Sometimes, you swear you love Duncan and you wish it was easier to convince yourself. He a good husband, all things considered. Perhaps a little too focused on work, but... he treats you well to make up for it. He is loyal to a fault, if anyone ever was. You met him through a friend, and though it makes you feel guilty you used him in a vain attempt to get closer to Annette.

But Annette didn’t swing your way, as she told you in not so many words. Or, rather, she said, “Just be a good pet and marry my son. You on his arm will do well for everyone all around. Your dalliances on the side are no one’s business as long as you keep them secret enough that not even Duncan finds out.”

So you agreed, and accepted his proposal you figured she no doubt hounded him into. It’s not so much that you don’t like men, you do, and Duncan is such an attractive man, and he’s a thorough lover... it’s just you suppose you have a preference for women. Older women. You used to joke in high school that you wanted to be a high-end escort for rich older women getting away from their CEO husbands for the weekend.

But your parents would have never approved of that plan. So you went to law school instead. Which was fine. You make decent money without Duncan, but with him you’re somewhat of a young, hot power couple. You’re not really interested in policy the way his family is - you just like ingratiating yourself amongst these people with influence. You get off on brushing shoulders with the powerful. Parties don’t mean much to you. Everyone is truly an evil son of a bitch, no matter what they say when the cameras are on. No one cares about progress, not unless it’s self-serving.

The first time you met Claire, you thought you might die. She barely gave Duncan a second glance but you? She stood and chatted with you about your latest case your firm had taken - how she knew about it among all the other things on her mind, you don’t know - but it was a pleasant conversation, all things considered. You know her and Annette used to be close. You wonder how much Claire does know about you.

You know you can’t trust her. At all.

But after that incident, Duncan grinned and shook his head. “Wouldn’t want to give credence to those rumors. She might have it out for you.”

“Rumors?” You asked, panicking already. Did he know?

“That Claire is a lesbian. It’s been floating around some circles, that that’s why she wasn’t truly upset at her husband’s death, that that’s why she’s pushing so hard for female rights. It’s interesting. It is the first time I met her, but having done so it wouldn’t entirely surprise me.”

You can tell. That woman probably isn’t a lesbian, or if she is, she’s very good at utilizing her charm to make it seem as though she’s not. If anything, you’d peg her as asexual. She uses sex as a weapon. Fair enough. You’ve seen even weaker women feel the need to use it.

You wonder if she’s ever had sex purely for herself and not for manipulation purposes.

You wonder if she could even do that. You reckon you don’t really care if you found out the hard way.

It’s a few weeks later that you receive a message stating the President required your audience. And you know you should tell Annette, or Duncan at the very least, but you don’t. You know you shouldn’t show up at all. But Annette said to keep your dalliances secret. So secret they will stay.

“How loyal are you to the Shepherds?” Claire asks when you arrive. Straight to the point. Good.

“As loyal as I have to appear,” you tell her.

Claire smiles a little. “Why did you marry Duncan? He doesn’t seem quite your type.”

“And what do you presume my type is?”

“Perhaps more feminine. Older.”

“Mm. And what is your type, Ms President?”

“Why did you marry him? Did Annette threaten to out you?” she repeats.

“Not in so many words,” you say.

“Hmm. Interesting. He has no idea, I presume?”

“Why did you call me here?” you ask, your anxiety getting the better of you.

“I need information on the Shepherds. And I believe I have something you’d want in return.”

Your head starts spinning, but no, spinning is an understatement. It’s fucking doing somersaults. You cannot believe what she’s proposing.

“You want to prostitute yourself to me for information?”

And Claire does the last thing you ever expected the bitch to do. She walks across the room and slaps you across the face. Hard enough to sting, but not as hard as you bet she could. You feel the cold metal of her wedding ring press against your cheek as she grabs your chin, her cold blue eyes piercing through to your soul. “Don’t you dare fucking accuse the president of the United States of debasement, and don’t ever assume you have the upper hand.”

“Claire—“

“Are we on first name basis, slut?” she asks, her hand slithering down to your throat. Holy shit, you think. This bitch might actually fucking kill me. You think you’d care more if this wasn’t possibly the hottest thing that ever happened to you. “I didn’t think so. Now. What are your loyalties? Who are you closest to?”

“Duncan, obviously. Annette lets her guard down around me because she likes that I think she’s hot, but she still doesn’t like me. Bill and I don’t get along.”

“Interesting. How much does Duncan know?”

“I know more than Duncan.”

“Really, now? Are you just saying that? Because if you don’t prove to be useful...”

“What? You’ll kill me?”

Claire laughs. “No, you’re much more fun to me alive. But tell me… do you know where Duncan came from?”

“I mean, I truly don’t know how Annette’s cunt could birth anything, given how much of a bitch she is, but…”

Claire smiles. “Yes. Much more fun alive. Duncan is not her child.”

“Well, that’s a relief I don’t have any chance of keeping the Shepherd bloodline alive,” you snicker. “Where did he come from, then?”

“I’ll tell you… in time. But you have to tell him, too. In front of Annette and Bill. I want them all to know.”

“They’ll skin me alive if they knew I was here.”

“Do you want to fuck me or not? These are my terms.”

“So that is why I’m here?”

She only smirks at you, the wrinkles around her blue eyes crinkling as she does. “Your attraction to me is far more interesting than... well, men are pigs, right? I’m sure you are well aware. But you, you look at me like you want to fuck me, sure, but you also know your place. You respect me, even if you try to talk back. Men don’t know any better.”

“Have you ever slept with a woman before?”

She only smiles. “Does it matter?”

“Just wanted to know if there was credence to the rumors.”

“Rumors? You’re quite bold. I’m the one with my hand...wrapped around your throat.”

“It’d be pretty messy for you if you killed me right now,” you retort, wincing and rubbing your legs together as she increases the pressure on your neck.

“You’ll learn not to talk back, whore. To think you’re a married woman...”

“Yeah? Did you hold your marriage sacrosanct?”

There’s that smile again. She’s beautiful, ethereal, but there’s something so inhumane about the way her lips move upward to smirk at you. Maybe you should learn to shut your mouth, but you always were a brat. Besides, it’s more fun this way.

“I did.”

“Liar,” you accuse, smirking at her as you do, and she lets go of your throat and before you can miss the feeling too much she slaps your face again, the right cheek this time, much harder than the first time. You let out a startled, strangled moan on impulse, stumbling back a little against the wall.

“Oh, did that hurt?” she coos at you condescendingly, fixing a piece of your hair that fell out of place as you stand back up, pressing your back flat against the wall for stability. Claire crosses her arms and stands directly in front of you.

“I can take it. I can take more than that,” you say boldly.

“Oh? What else do you like, slut?”

“You name it, I’m game.”

“Anything? Handcuffs? Whips? Knives?”

You nod at everything she comes up with. Jesus, you would let this woman carve out your heart if she wanted it.

“If I make you bleed?”

“Better.”

“Interesting. Does Duncan play these little games with you?”

You laugh. “No.”

“You only want a woman to do these things to you?”

“Precisely. Are you kinky, Madam President?”

“Whatever my partner requires... I make certain I provide.”

“But what do you want?”

“I’m a hard woman to please.”

“Oh. Is that the kind way of saying Frank wasn’t good in bed?” you ask, feigning sympathy. She only smirks again. “I’m surprised you didn’t slap me for that. He must have really been awful.”

“You think you could do better?”

“Women do everything better,” you laugh, earning perhaps the only genuine smile you’ve gotten from this woman the whole time. “That’s why I wanted to know if you’ve been with a woman...”

“No. But I’ve thought about it. Never had a woman as interested as you.”

“I find that very hard to believe. Maybe you just never noticed. What gave it away?” You’re aching for her to touch you again, give you anything, even pain, but she stands still in front of you.

“I can just tell. Besides, I was interested to meet you. You’re the Shepherd’s weak link. I knew Annette didn’t vet you carefully enough.”

“Are you saying me being gay is an issue?”

“Are you so naive to think it wouldn’t be, given the state of this country?” she retorts. “But that’s not all. I can tell you don’t like them. I could tell you were easy... on more than one account.”

You roll your eyes. “I fucking hate Bill. I mean it’s awful to say, he’s not doing well physically, but he’s just made life a living hell for me.”

“Why?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

“I don’t know. Maybe he hates gay people. Maybe he hates women. Both. Don’t know.”

“So everyone knows but Duncan? Funny how he’s kept out of all the good family secrets that concern him.”

You sigh. “See, sexuality’s a funny thing. I like Duncan. I do. And sometimes sex with him is good if not great. He’s a good partner. But I just prefer women.”

“Must be nice to have it figured out. Your generation did have it easier.”

You look at her questioningly. You never thought someone like her was human enough to struggle with such a thing, but perhaps that’s an unfair assessment.

Or she’s playing you.

Still. She’d have to be quite a good player - not that you should underestimate her skill - to talk about something as personal as her struggles with sexuality. Straight people just don’t get it. Would she really be this easily well versed if it was a game?

“There’s still a long ways to go,” you say.

“I intend to rectify that.”

“Of course you do.”

Her eyes narrow at you and she tilts her head. “Do you think I should be doing better?”

“Yeah. Come out, for starters.”

“Says the woman in a sham marriage.”

“It’s not a sham. I love Duncan,” you protest.

“Then why are you here, selling out his family just for a chance to fuck me? You’re not much better than I am.”

“I don’t think I’ve told you anything yet. Besides. It’s not his real family… as you say.”

“No. You haven’t told me anything I didn’t already know. But I haven’t fucked you yet either, have I?”

“Touché.”

“Come over here,” she beckons, leaning against the desk and once again it strikes you where you are - the fucking Oval Office. Are you seriously going to have sex in the Oval Office? Conservatives would be disgusted by this (although it wouldn’t be the first time this office was defiled). “Don’t look so scared now. You can’t back out at this point.”

You nod, trying not to look as nervous as you feel and walk the few steps over to her, your legs inches from hers. God, you’re practically dying from the anticipation alone.

“Does Duncan ever tell you how beautiful you are?” She asks. You’re absolutely shellshocked. There’s no trace of sarcasm in her voice.

“Sometimes,” you murmur.

“Just like men to not appreciate what they have.”

“Mm. Frank didn’t appreciate you, Claire? Didn’t make you feel good? I would. If you were my wife I’d make you come every fucking day,” you say, and boldly you decide to punctuate that statement by pressing your lips to hers.

Mistake. Or maybe not, you don’t know.

Her hands tangle in your hair and you feel her stand up, press against you firmly before backing you into the desk, pushing you onto it until your back is flat on the wood, and she’s hovering over you, her lips ghosting yours.

“I’m a hard woman to please,” she reiterates and you realize she never fucking lost her breath while you feel like the wind was knocked out of you. “I’m ambivalent about attention in general. But look at you, whore. You crave it, don’t you? Just want someone to tell you that you’re a good girl... oh, look at you squeeze your thighs together. Are you wet for me, slut?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” You ask, spreading your legs slightly for her.

She shakes her head, her straight platinum locks shifting as she does so, brushing against your face. “See? You’re not a good girl. You’re a dirty filthy whore and you just don’t know when to shut that whore mouth or close your fucking legs.”

You stay silent - you’re not sure what to do now. Do you antagonize her, push her further, see if it will rile her up again? Or do you try and kiss her again?

Claire has other ideas. “Beg,” she hisses in your ear. “Get down on your knees and beg for me.”

—- and I am evil and ending it there! Plz let me know if I should continue this!

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

bao | myg | 1

pairing(s): yoongi x reader

summary: Min Yoongi is always late to start work. He’s late in starting a lot of things. Like telling you he loves you.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; mentions of parental injury/surgery; it’s actually SO MUCH fluff; non-idol!AU; (slightly) jealous deliveryboy!Yoongi x hardworking chef!reader ft. bao fiend, next-door neighbor, model!Taehyung; Yoongi gets injured T_T

it’s Weverse magazine Yoongi; can’t be helped he looked too good and yes it’s another fic revolving around food like mango | jjk (less dark this time lmao), guess that’s my schtick now

-

Men in leather jackets?

Yes.

Men who liked to wear silver rings?

Double yes.

Men whose name was Min Yoongi?

Fuck, no.

But, unfortunately, Min Yoongi was both of the first two things, when annoyed you to no end. You could hate Min Yoongi, easy, if he wasn’t attractive, but the truth was that he was very attractive, with his dark hair, cat-like eyes that were the color of black coffee, large pale hands, silver earrings, silver bracelets, and raspy deep voice.

The infuriating thing was, he was always late.

“Sorry,” he apologized for the billionth time. “I had to do something.”

You always have to do something, you thought, pursing your lips as you pushed the paper bags towards him. Each one was stapled with a small piece of paper, indicating the address and complete order of the patron.

“I’m going to fire you if you’re late again,” you warned.

Yoongi grinned as he gathered the bags. He had pretty white teeth too. Fuck. You even liked seeing his stupid teeth. The fuck was wrong with you?

“Nah, you won’t fire me. I’m your favorite delivery boy.”

“You’re my only delivery boy,” you shot back as he retreated.

“Thus, being your favorite,” he chuckled, out the back door once again.

You sighed deeply as you watched the black leather depart. He was wearing black jeans today that showed off his long legs, with a tear in the right knee. Why did he have to look so good? And why was he always late? It was very annoying. You checked your phone, texting your father, asking how he was today.

-

You spent all day taking orders and prepping them for Yoongi to deliver. In between, you continued making buns of all kinds, from savory pork buns to sweet red bean buns. You father owned a small Chinese-style bao shop, but since his back surgery, he hadn’t been able to work for a while. Your mother was taking care of him and complaining quite a bit about having another baby, except this one was bigger and more demanding and sounded way too much like your father.

You just laughed through the phone as your dad asked for more water and a foot massage.

Being their only daughter, you naturally had some experience making bao, but actually running the business was much harder. You weren’t sure how your dad did it all these years to be honest. There used to be a counter where people could drop by and pick up a bun for their lunch break, but the person who worked at that counter used to be your mother or you, and that wasn’t happening if you were making them all day. You weren’t as fast making them as your father either.

Therefore, the small shop ended up being converted to delivery only, and your only delivery boy was late to arrive all the damn time.

Okay, he wasn’t a delivery boy per se, because he was definitely an adult man, but he might as well have been a boy with how often you scolded him about being late. At least he was good at delivering the actual orders on time.

You heard a knock at the back door and scooped up two steaming roast pork buns, brushing the excess flour off your hands before opening the door.

A bright, jovial, boxy smile greeted you.

“Hey!”

Your only exception to delivery only. Kim Taehyung, your next-door neighbor.

You handed him the pork buns and he handed you some bills.

“Keep the change,” he grinned, biting into the bun and gasping a little at the heat. “Mmm, delicious as always.”

You chuckled. “You need to learn how to cook for yourself.”

He pouted, chewing noisily. “Ugh, it’s so hard. Teach me.”

You rolled your eyes. “I tried. You burned it somehow. I don’t even know how that’s possible.”

He shrugged. “I’m better at watching anyway.”

You looked over his attire. A brown suit with a cream t-shirt, green silk scarf around his neck. His hair was dark brown again. “What are you advertising today?” Taehyung was a model. Sometimes you saw him on billboards or ads in the supermarket.

Taehyung shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m going to the agency right now.” He held up the buns. “But I gotta eat first because it’s gonna be long day.”

You chuckled. “Better go before your manager calls.”

As if on cue, a colorful tune erupted from Taehyung’s pants, chirping loudly. Taehyung shoved one of the buns entirely into his mouth and spoke around it, words muffled.

“Ugh, thanks again. Let’s hang out when I can!” he called as he ran off, snatching his phone from his pocket, mumbling into it as he chewed.

You smiled ruefully, watching him hurry away. “Yeah, like that will ever happen.”

Taehyung was far too busy to hang out with you. You were surprised he still lived in the same apartment complex you did, because he made decent money now, but he said it was because his dog Yeontan didn’t like change and his parents lived nearby so he could drop him off there when he was working.

“Your boyfriend or something?”

You suddenly noticed Yoongi standing next to the door. You jumped back, staring at him. He raised an eyebrow.

“How long have you been there?”

Yoongi shrugged. “As long as you’ve been making googly eyes at him.”

You frowned. “I’m not making googly eyes at Taehyung.”

Yoongi smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. “Ah, he has a name. And no honorifics. Very suspicious, if you ask me.”

Nobody asked you! You wondered if he needed both arms to deliver food, because you were pretty close to breaking at least one of them. Surely, he could drive one-handed? You were a bit disturbed on how imagining that seemed somewhat attractive to you.

“He’s my next-door neighbor,” you huffed, turning on your heel and going back into the shop to pack more orders for Yoongi.

“Next door to you puss–”

You spun around and shoved a pork bun into Yoongi’s mouth. He nearly choked, grabbing it as you let go, his fingertips brushing against yours for a moment. A strange tingle travelled through your palm, going up your arm. You ignored it, purposefully slipping buns into paper packages for an order for a local office nearby.

“It’s your lunchtime anyway,” you said impassively, not looking at him.

If you did, you would have noticed the pink tinge on Yoongi’s cheeks, the furrow in his brows as he chewed on the bun, watching you. You would have noticed the way his jaw seemed to be tense, thinking about what he just saw, holding tightly to the pork bun.

-

Yoongi knew you were the one who made it. It tasted great, almost as good as your father’s. He knew your father well, having been the on-and-off delivery boy through the years, from high school to university to now. Being an underground music producer didn’t make him a ton of money, but he didn’t care too much. If he was more popular, he would have to quit.

And he really didn’t want to quit, because he was staring at your back, hoping one day you’d notice he was watching you.

He knew who Kim Taehyung was. Taehyung came every day. Maybe even for the same reason as him. He never interrupted your interactions with Taehyung before, because it seemed rude. They were always short anyway. But, of course, Taehyung noticed you were alone now, and Taehyung had been dressing nicer, looking cuter, flirting more and more. Yoongi doubted you noticed, but it still bothered him all the same.

Yoongi sighed inwardly as he picked up another bun. You shot him a glare but he shrugged.

“Might make me taller,” was his response.

You raised your eyebrows. “You want to be a fucking skyscraper or something?”

He bit into it. Fucking delicious. “Maybe.”

Truth was, he just didn’t want to stop eating them because you made them.

Yoongi wanted to pretend you made them just for him.

-

"What's this?"

"Pork and leek bao. Tell me what you think."

Yoongi took a small bite, chewing thoughtfully. "Light flavor, but nice."

"Too greasy?" you pried.

"Mm, little bit."

You sighed. "Hm, okay, won't sell them then. I'll have to eat them myself."

Yoongi looked at the huge tray of freshly streamed buns.

"I can help."

"Wait for them to cool and then you can pack however much you want," you said absentmindedly, off to wash the pots. "You have a steamer at home?"

"Mhm."

He looked good today too, still in his black leather jacket and black jeans, different loose gray shirt. Almost cute with the way he was chomping on the steamed bun, his cheeks filling and becoming round. 

Too bad he couldn't be punctual to save his life, you thought, violently scrubbing the metal clean. 

-

Yoongi sat in his studio, holding one of the pork and leek bao you had given him. He stored them in his freezer and streamed them periodically when he was at his desk. Easy, quick meal that had very little mess. 

He chewed on it. 

He should have told you to sell them. 

But he also liked having his freezer full of bao that you had made. You probably would have given him some of he asked, but Yoongi felt bad asking because he knew how hard you worked. They should be for customers, not him. 

He sat back in his chair, taking bites slowly, savoring them. Salty pork with the mild flavor of fresh leek, a little black bean to add a hint of nuttiness, grounding the greasy nature of the meat. Made by your own two hands, your hard work, day in and day out, trying to make up for the absence of your father.

He really should stop being late.

Then again.

Yoongi was always late because he was always working on music and when he wasn't working on music, he was oversleeping his work alarms.

It wasn't until you had gone to university that he realized how much he missed you and your presence at the bao shop. You were smart. Had a Biochemistry degree and everything. Yoongi couldn't make heads or tails of science, so that alone was impressive to him. But you hadn't been able to get a job in your field because your father’s back pain got worse and worse, until he had to get surgery. Now it meant you did everything and, while it pained him to watch you working so hard, secretly he was a little glad that he could see you every day. 

He felt ashamed for thinking that way, because your father had surgery for a misaligned disc and Yoongi didn't wish that on anyone.

His eyes shifted to his computer. 

He hasn't dropped his mixtape for a lot of reasons. One, what if no one liked it? All of his hard work, ignored? Or, what if everyone liked it? What if he made it big? 

Could he handle that?

He didn't know. He wasn't very good with people.

Who was he? A nobody. Yoongi doubted your parents would be happy if the fucking delivery boy wanted to marry you. They were nice people, but of course they wanted better for you. That's why they worked so hard to put you through school to the point of your father's back literally breaking. 

Maybe it would be better if you dated Taehyung. It seemed like he made a reasonable amount of money considering his clothes. He was handsome too. Yoongi saw Taehyung's face at the local supermarket sometimes. His own face would never be in supermarkets. No one would pick up a coffee with his face on it over Taehyung's. 

Yoongi ate the last bite of bao bitterly and returned to his music. 

-

"You're even later than usual today!"

"I'm sorry. I'll grab the orders right away."

"And why are you wearing this stupid hat? It's unprofessional–"

You attempted to grab the black baseball cap off of Yoongi's head, but he dodged you. He seemed more aloof than usual today, but you barely noticed in your irritation as you clicked your tongue and grabbed his leather jacket, yanking him towards you and pulling the cap off.

Three things happened at once. 

Yoongi's body collided into yours. 

He painfully gasped into your neck, turning your skin burning hot with his breath. 

And third, your eyes widened as you realized Yoongi had a black eye.

You barely even noticed the first two things because you were staring at the fair skin around his right eye tinged with rings of purple-red. You released him and he backed up away from you, wincing. 

"What happened?" you asked in a stunned voice. 

Yoongi narrowed his eyes and tried to grab his hat, but you moved it behind your back, eyes glued to his bruise.

"Yoongi, tell me what happened."

You saw him pause. If you weren't so fixated on the actual black eye, you would have noticed his expression change from annoyance, to bitterness, to realization. Your tone was not angry. You were genuinely worried, to the point you felt strangely emotional, like you were going to cry. 

"It's nothing," Yoongi mumbled. "I'm fine. It only looks bad."

Your eyes locked with his. Those dark orbs did not want to say anything. They wanted you to treat it like no big deal, or yell at him some more for being late, anything but address his black eye. 

"Please tell me what happened," you said quietly. 

Yoongi sighed, rubbing the back of his head. Usually his black hair was styled, but it was messy and flat from being under the cap. 

"I did something stupid," he finally replied. "I trusted people. And I got scammed."

You waited. Yoongi shuffled his feet and continued. 

"I produce and make music. I mixed a guy's entire album and when I asked for payment, they told me I was getting paid with exposure," he spat, as if the word itself was disgusting. "I was already in a shitty mood. So I punched him."

"You did what?" 

"I punched him," Yoongi repeated coolly. He shrugged. "There were three other guys so I punched them too."

"Y... Yoongi!"

"What?" he snapped. "They fucking deserved it."

"You can't go around punching people!"

"Yeah." He pointed to his black eye. "Sometimes they punch back."

You stared at him before you held out his cap. He took it from you and crammed it back on his head. 

"Yoongi, go home."

He paused. Then he chuckled, straightening. "What are you taking about?" He changed his tone, making to more lighthearted and teasing. He gestured behind you, to the brown paper bags waiting. "I have deliveries to make."

"I'll do them."

You stood in front of the bags, blocking him. Yoongi frowned. 

"You have food to make."

"Yoongi," you said softly. "Go home and recover. You probably didn't get much sleep last night. I can see your dark circles."

He chuckled, the noise dying in his throat as he looked at your serious expression. 

"I always have dark circles."

"I don't want you to get in an accident because of sleep deprivation."

"I won't get into an accident," Yoongi said impatiently. He tried to move around you, but you and your flour-covered apron blocked him. 

"I don't want you to get hurt."

The way you said it stopped him. You thought of your father, laying in the hospital, doctors and nurses trying to make sure he was okay after the surgery. Yoongi could see it in your eyes. He sighed. 

"Look, it's just a couple bruises. I did this to myself," he mumbled. His eyes shifted from side to side before they came back to you. "I need to make money. I'm short on rent because of this."

"Then I'll pay you," you insisted. "You need to rest."

You suddenly realized Yoongi was very close to you now, looking down at you from under his black baseball cap. His chest was almost touching your chest. The scent of leather and pine cologne filled your nose, vastly different from your dusty flour-covered self. His cat-like eyes were on you, expression unreadable.

"This is my rest," Yoongi said quietly. "Helping you deliver orders is the least stressful part of my day."

For a long moment, you didn't move. You weren't sure if it was because you were still worried or because Yoongi was so close and it felt weird all of a sudden, as if you recalled the way his body hit yours earlier and the way his breath tickled your skin. 

You moved away and Yoongi collected the bags, careful not to drop them. You always ordered them so they were from first to last delivery, maximizing efficiency and order number. He made his way to the back door, using his back to open it. 

You spoke again, voice nearly cracking.

"Please don't get hurt."

Yoongi looked up from under his black cap, expressionless. You expected him to give you a snarky remark as usual. 

"I won't."

He headed out. 

-

2.

--

masterpost

[generallypo]

in all sincerity, kim dokja makes me happy and he deserves to be so too :^(

incoherent yelling and sobbing under the cut. these fEELINGS will not be contained aaauuunnghhh. 

------

anyway i binge-read all 500+ chapters of ORV this week and i honest to god feel bad for this -- completely! fictional! aghhhh -- guy. in case you haven’t figured it out, the following is some spoilerly shit

i went in expecting a fun, brainless power trip fantasy for dudes with an isekai addiction. instead, it turns out ORV is actually a gigantic, self-deprecating prank on the entire genre itself. kdj plays more into the sad -- if high-functioning-- clown trope than the sexy, edgy, chuuni bastard type i was prepared to laugh at. there were -- gasp! -- female characters with personalities! parents (aka ADULTS who act like ADULTS) who actually survive and feature prominently! adorable children! a real sexy, edgy bastard! a power trio with amazing fashion! sexual tension and bickering! friendship! life and death bonding! 

*breathes in deeply* fouND FAMILYYYYYYY.

like, yeah, the plot around the first few arcs seems a little aimless, but the buildup is worth. the world-building is pretty decent. there’s discernible effort put into the fight scenes, and i can appreciate that. but -- but! what i stayed for were the characters -- namely, the fantastic OT3 of KDJ, HSY, and YJH -- who come together despite their initial rivalries and end up saving each other’s asses, like, every other day. granted, the other characters don’t get as much focus, and they do fall into certain character tropes.. 

but a trope done well is nothing i would gripe about. every significant character in ORV has a coherent, and more importantly, respectful take on their respective trope. maybe it’s because sing-shong is actually a married couple, but all the interactions between even minor characters are a convincing blend of awkward rambling, suggestive humor, sharp remarks, and casual banter. in other words, this cast of mostly working adults (plus a teen and two kids) talks like working adults. the relationships built throughout the story are, frankly, some of most realistic of its genre. sing-shong has managed to craft a dynamic that undoubtedly brims with fluffy fondness all around, but also drips with sarcastic tension, with unspoken urgency, with a wariness that softens into sincerity over the course of many, many chapters. it’s the kind of progression that makes even stock characters read like more than just the 2-bit villain or comrade or love interest. here, we have relationships both straightforward and not, strained or otherwise, romantically-oriented as well as decidedly the opposite -- and then numerous others scattered along the spectrum with the freedom to shift either way. 

it’s also an interesting point of note that our MC kdj actually does not end up with a stated romantic partner, much less a conventional heteroromantic harem. he gets teased about that fact from time to time, but it’s with less of the sleazy shonen locker room humor one would expect and more of the good-natured ribbing you’d find among friends or that one especially nosy auntie at the yearly family reunion. kdj is a grown ass man. in the background, i applaud his maturity, and he handles all the prodding like a champ. 

so instead of finding and fulfilling his horny, he builds himself a wealth of loving family. yeah, there are beautiful men and women around him. yeah, they unequivocally adore him. but they’re also adults, and they have priorities, too -- which are not so much finding a way to bang kdj’s brains out and more so simply keeping the damn guy alive. this is truly not ‘oblivious mc with his thirsty, sex kitten harem’. it just so happens that a guy proves himself to be unflinchingly gentle and capable in an apocalyptic setting despite his broken self-esteem, and lots of people find that attractive, romantically and platonically. 

it.. kinda makes sense? he’s a hard worker, thoughtful, and good with kids. kdj is the kind of guy you know would make a reliable partner, and anybody with eyes can plainly see and appreciate that. 

and it’s not that our MC’s a total brick wall. in fact, it’s likely the opposite, and he’s just too darned repressed to admit it. from what has been implied, kdj does indeed recognize and accept love, or at least a primitive concept of it. i like to imagine that the kind of love that he ends up seeking out simply manifests itself more easily as acceptance and safety, as warmth and a home of people to return to every day. even better, the people who surround him know this, and they give him exactly that. it’s refreshing, and honestly, really sweet.

(as a side note, i really, really do appreciate the cosmic bi energy radiating off of kdj, who canonically earns the title of being loved by all and is all but in name married to yjh and hsy. he also respects women and small children and honestly anyone who isn’t total scum to him or his family. i respect that.)

but the happy stuff aside, you know it it just ain’t ORV without the generous screaming dollop of angst. admittedly, there’s self-sacrifice, injury, lonesome wandering, more sacrifice, some epic fighting, reunion and confrontation. all of it is a lot to digest, sure, but never does it feel entirely hopeless, or truly, truly heart-clenching. ORV, up until the final act, is a mostly light read. you relax in your chair, thinking that nothing beyond this point can disturb you. 

yeah fucking right.

------

and then the beginning of the end arrives. when the squad finally break through to their ‘ending’, the scene that kind of breaks me is the reveal of the Most Ancient Dream. it ties so much thematically into the little tidbits that we get of kdj’s past, and it though it feels like almost a joke that the source of the goddamn apocalypse is a kid with bruises smeared across his skinny ass body -- it’s such a pathetic picture that it’s kinda poetic, actually. you’re left mystified but somewhat convinced, like a math problem explained halfway through. this.. child.. is a villain somehow, isn’t he?

and then 999th turn uriel speaks up, and she. just. hugs him. 

[[You are this universe’s most powerless existence, aren’t you.]] 

that. that gets me. kdj’s reaction immediately upon this revelation? absolute murder. seeing him essentially self-destruct upon realizing that all these people he’s surrounded himself with -- some who continuously proclaim their loyalty and affection for him throughout their journey, some who suffered eons of war and loss and trauma because of his existence -- not only forgive his younger self but smother him with unconditional acceptance and love is stifling, is too vulnerable and exposed and he simply can’t cope -- it’s so telling of his true mentality, of his crippling insecurity and crumpled sense of self-worth. kim dokja is a liar, through and through, so much that he fails, or perhaps refuses, to comprehend the veracity of others’ kindness and love towards himself. 

by some miracle, the events at the end of the world somehow resolve.. or so it seems. there is a departing train, a liberated team of ex-gods, and a child rousing from his slumber. in the aftermath, i am left shaking. somehow, despite the ending having been (happily?) reached, there’s still another chapter ahead. what is this witchcraft?

------

and then ah, yes -- the epilogue arc. i teetered on the edge of being critical for a little bit there -- is that display of deus ex machina, of sad, self-sacrificing nobility a bit too egregious to be acceptable? is this some wild last let-me-yank-this-outta-my-ass plot twist to drag out the chapter count? i sincerely thought that the arc before it would have been the finale. i was wrong. thank god.

anyways, as an answer to the above: no, and no. i stake my firm claim on the belief that the epilogue arc was meticulously planned out well in advance of its release, confusing and time-warpy as it is. i liked it. tremendously. even if it entirely invalidates all of kdj’s supposed development (”haha lol yeah sure i won’t sacrifice myself or anything anymore guys don’t worry about me” -- KDJ, at some point because he’s a lying rat bastard). actually, our beloved MC disappears for a large chunk of this arc, and i think it’s great. in his absence, the other characters not only go absolutely fucking nuts, but they have to figure out this new problem on their own, even if the lure of peaceful complacency in the newly saved Korea might convince them otherwise. 

and then the whole time paradox thing comes around. yjh goes to space, hsy saves the only life she can, and kdj grows up. the crew waits, holding onto their hope even if it bleeds them dry. sing-shong does a damn good job of illustrating their fraying calm, their lurking madness, the unseen but pervasive depression that seeps in from kdj’s absence. the kids lose their father, lhs and jhw lose their reliable leader figure, ysa loses a best friend and confidant, lsk -- as distant as she pretends to be from her son -- loses her only child. and then there’s hsy and yjh , who are essentially bereft of the other half of their existences. their pain is palpable, is grounded in the hopeless, gnawing frustration of an utterly meaningless victory. emotionally, ORV hits all the right -- if agonizing -- beats.

however, a story can’t sustain itself just through its pathos. i’m happy to say that ORV doesn’t drop the ball after the first milestone, and after all the hurt, the characters do leap straight back into action. even better, the plot holes actually do get patches, and the poetic cycle of writer, protagonist, and reader comes full circle by making use of all those supposedly throwaway characters from the myriad world lines. 

at the end of the road, there is a distinct sense of unity, of a delicate but undeniable cohesion to the world lines and their origins. sing-shong lets us guess a little here at the finish, but there’s just enough information to feel hopeful. maybe there never had been a definite start -- or finish -- to the story of kdj company, and... that’s okay. everybody ends up where they were meant to be, where they fought and struggled to reach. it’s.. almost like a happily ever after, if we’re allowed to dream of that.

------

now, i realize, this was all an orchestrated maneuver.

i’ll take it.

to me, all of this work sounds like someone put some serious thought into this behemoth of a plot. it cements the entire original premise of the story. it suggests -- but never explicitly confirms! -- the possibility that breaking free of the cycle is possible through the exact same system that sustains it. it’s terribly interesting -- and inspirational! with all the dramatic revelations and life-threatening scenarios  and the cast’s resigned acceptance of them that essentially make up ORV’s entire mood, there’s still that last hint of rebellious and righteous anger that lights up the whole damn nebula. it’s like the kdj company blasting away at the heavens just to yell into the nether: we’re not looking for the happy end, but the free one. stay alive.

it’s subtle, and yet it’s such an emotional gut punch. i came away with the most ruinous, frustrating, bittersweet sense of longing in ages. i pined. for these fictional darlings. god, i am weak.

so. yeah. ORV is pretty good. flawed, but ambitious and impressively thought out.  i’m stoked that the webtoon is making pretty good progress, even if it’ll take an eternity and a half to meet that monstrous chapter count. i’m still gonna follow it. hell yeah. 

------

(by the way the idea that secretive plotter and co are literally gonna take care of and raise baby kdj and spoil him and be the best friggin family a kid could ever want does things to me. protect him. he’s suffered too much. let at least one worldline’s version of him know happiness. and actually, aLL OF THEM DESERVE DOMESTIC BLISS TOGETHER IN A BIG OL MANSION WITH SUN AND FRESH AIR AND TENDER FAMILY MOMENTS UGH)

------

and there you have it, folks. you made it to the end. in the far, far distance, i’m cheering you on and crying my eyes out in gratitude. thanks for tuning in!

[meant-to-be-a-hero]

Ranger Rankings - Power Rangers Dino Charge/Dino Super Charge

Spoiler alert - these two were really great.

Premise - 4.5

The Energems give the team a reason to come together, and to stay together until everything's sorted. We've already had multiple dinosaur themed seasons, but this one really uses dinosaurs as a backdrop even moreso than Dino Thunder did, right up to the very end.

The mythology around the Energems evolves nicely, and it feels like something that's constantly important rather than just relevant when the plot demands it.

The museum setting works really well (although how many people need to work in a café at once?) and the idea of an intergalactic bounty hunter has been played with before, but these seasons really go in on that a bit more.

The only problem I have is that they could have been a little more serialised in the search for the Energems they didn't have, a la Operation Overdrive.

Character Dynamics - 4.5

This season's characters are all so good, I don't even know where to start. Everyone's totally different, and they take a little while to get to know one another and grow into their own. But they're all totally formed characters rather than just bullet point character traits, and they're all believable too.

Everyone has an arc, even people like Kendall who only really comes out of the cave when she needs to yell at people initially, and it doesn't feel like the story's weighted in anyone's favour particularly. Even Tyler, whose quest for his dad feels super-important, doesn't override everyone else's stories.

I just really love these idiots. They're all so good.

Sixth Ranger Arc - 4.5

If we just limit this to Ivan, then it's probably a 3.5 or something. He's great, but he does fade into the background a little every now and then after his initial arc. He gets some fun spotlights though, and I liked the relationship between him and Koda as men out of time.

But this season had the most Rangers ever on a team, so the entire series basically becomes a Sixth Ranger arc, because after Ivan and Phillip (who turn up in quick succession) there's James, Kendall, and Zenowing to take into account, and with each successive Ranger the team grows stronger and has even more interactions to balance.

Phillip's probably the least developed of them all - he has his initial arc of learning not to throw money and things and not to be a pompous ass, but after that he kind of just shows up as needed for Sentai footage. He's a good guy, but he does become a little faceless.

James' plotline takes its time to get going, but I liked his interplay with Tyler a lot. They actually had plausible reasons for him to go off and do his own thing too, I'm glad they took the time to explain his absences.

And Zenowing, who I thought would be daft, was actually a decent addition to the team. He's again totally different to everyone else, and he does have a role to play rather than just standing in the background.

Oh, and Kendall becoming a Ranger and just taking it in her stride and no one questioning her on it at all? Yeah, we like that.

Plot Development - 4

I'm proud of these seasons for having plots that thread through both Dino Charge and Super Dino Charge rather than just closing everything down at the end of one to start something new. Samurai did it too to an extent, whereas Megaforce you could basically cut down the middle. Dino Charge and Super Dino Charge really do feel like evolutions of one another.

The search for the Energems is a good impetus to keep everything going, and it presents good reasons for the villains to keep going after the Rangers specifically so they can take them back, rather than just attacking the Rangers because they're in the way.

If anything, there can sometimes be a few too many one-and-done episodes where the villains JUST go after the Rangers, which stalls the momentum somewhat, but you can't say that the threat doesn't escalate as the plot goes on. Compare where we start with where we end and it's such a huge difference.

Villains - 4.5

I don't think I've had as much fun with villains in a season since Lothor or Dai Shi.

Sledge could easily have become one-dimensional, but his relationships with everyone else on the ship kept him interesting. I never knew whether he was going to yell at Poisandra or kiss her.

Speaking of, Poisandra was hilarious. Again, she could have been far too one note, but they made her interesting in her own right by giving her her own plans, and Curio, while a tad bland, was a good straight man for her plots.

I did get a little bored of Fury by the end, but at least they kept him relevant by having him face off with other generals. It's nice when the good guys get along, but it's better when the bad guys don't. I also really liked Wrench, who wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty even though he was the tech guy.

I do think Dino Super Charge has the better villains though; Heckyl and Snide were a good pair, and Heckyl's eventual face turn was actually a nice surprise. The idea that he wasn't evil at all until the Dark Energem was well handled, and while his redemption arc came right at the last minute, it did feel complete and earned.

I also really liked Lord Arcanon and Singe; they ran the risk of being too little, too late, coming in with only like 8 episodes of a season left, but they had history with the other villains that made them relevant, and Arcanon's overblown sense of self-importance made him fun too.

Overall - 4.40

Hottest Ranger - Oh god, this one's far too hard. It's like a four-way tie between Tyler, Chase, Riley, and Koda, all for different reasons. Stick them in a blender and give me the perfect Ranger.

Notable Episodes:

When Logic Fails - A crystal maze-esque episode which shows off Riley's unique talents.

Wishing For A Hero - The Rangers make wishes that all go terribly, terribly wrong.

Love At First Fight - Mostly for Beauticruel's terrible accent.

Freaky Fightday - Body swap episode? Body swap episode.

Edge Of Extinction/End Of Extinction - World-wide Zord fights! Time travel! A black hole! A happy ending!

I'd also like to mention how good all four holiday specials were. They're all clip shows, but they have such good, fun set-ups that they're not a chore to watch like the holiday specials usually are. Trick Or Trial was especially good.

[hellsbellschime]

Could you make a meta about jonerys storyline in s7?

LOL okay so fun story! I thought this would be a fun idea for a video and figured I’d do a scene by scene analysis except by the time I was done with 7x03 I already had FIFTEEN MINUTES of material, so I stopped there. It was interesting so I might dive more into it at another point, but I do feel like at the very least the subtext and narrative material from 7x03 is the most rich anyway.

Most fans of Game of Thrones were looking forward to the shows main leads, Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen, meeting each other for years. But unfortunately once "ice and fire" finally came face to face, their chemistry and relationship was tragically lacking. However, given that the show was trying to sell an epic love story between them in half a dozen episodes, what was it about Jon and Dany that went so wrong? And in retrospect, did it even go wrong at all? One of the most interesting bricks in the foundation of Jon and Daenerys's relationship actually gets set in stone before Jon and Dany even meet, and it's set in stone by Tyrion. There is an significant miscommunication caused by him in the second episode of the season, because Daenerys commands him to invite Jon to Dragonstone specifically to bend the knee, but the message he actually sends to Jon doesn't include that vital tidbit. But the question is, why is that?

It's possible to chalk it up to just an error in writing or editing, however it's something that would have to be overlooked by everyone, and given the way the season progresses it seems unlikely that that's the case. It could have easily been edited out of the episode itself, so the fact that it wasn't means that it had to have been left in for a reason. And the fact that this miscommunication is never clarified or brought up by Tyrion afterwards seemingly indicates that it's an intentional moment too. But what matters more about this intentional confusion is not the confusion itself, but what it's supposed to tell the audience. 

This disconnect between perspectives and understanding between Jon and Dany seems to repeat itself from the literal moment that they're introduced to each other as well. Obviously Missandei listing off all of Dany's many titles while Jon Snow is introduced with such little fanfare is a moment that plays very well comedically, but despite the fact that up until this point Jon and Dany have been portrayed as two of the most heroic characters in the series, the audience is immediately meant to see them as total opposites of each other. Obviously the disparity between them will become clearer later, but given the way they've both been presented as individuals thus far, it's quite odd that the literal second they meet they're portrayed in direct contrast to one another.

Jon and Daenerys's interactions are really weird right off the bat. Not only is Jon completely thrown for a loop when he arrives on Dragonstone and is immediately commanded to bend the knee and taken prisoner, but Daenerys is her worst, least appealing self as soon as she meets him. It's not entirely out of her wheel house to play hardball with another person in power that she's just met, but from what Tyrion has said about Jon she has no reason to negotiate so aggressively with him, and yet she does anyway. 

What really sticks out in this initial conversation more than anything though, is that immediately after Daenerys meets Jon, she does quite a few things that are going to be incredibly unappealing to Jon as a character. Firstly, she disregards Robb's quest for independence, something he literally died in service of, in order to defer to the supposed last King in the North, Torrhen Stark. That might make sense from Dany's perspective given that she has very little love lost for Viserys, but to Jon, overlooking his deceased brother who was legitimately chosen to be King in the North is not something that is going to win any points with him. 

Then Dany points out that Torrhen Stark swore fealty to House Targaryen in perpetuity in exchange for his life and the life of the Northmen. Now, given what Dany has done up until this point, no one would have expected her to kill all of the Northmen if Jon hadn't bent the knee, but Jon doesn't have the benefit of narrative omniscience, so this statement after his frosty welcome to Dragonstone seems like a pretty clear threat that if Jon doesn't submit to her, he and the Northmen will die. 

She also makes it clear that she sees Torrhen's vow (if a vow can even be considered legitimate when it's given under threat of death) as still valid despite the fact that this is centuries old history that she nor Jon had any choice in. When he refuses, she levies the accusation that he is somehow breaking faith with House Targaryen, despite the fact that according to feudal law, the Mad King very clearly broke faith with House Stark by nearly executing all of the men in the family. 

This is the first moment where Jon actually pushes back against Dany's claims and points out that it was clearly House Targaryen that broke faith, and Daenerys admits some guilt on her father's behalf but asks that he forgive this crime and not judge a daughter by the sins of her father. That would be a halfway decent concession for her to make, were it not for the fact that it's buffered by two implications that Jon is responsible for an oath that his ancestor swore as well as responsible for the fact that his father was best friends with someone who attempted to kill her. 

Her next attempt at winning Jon's allegiance is even stranger. She claims that House Targaryen and House Stark were allies for centuries, when the obvious reality is that they were unwillingly subjugated by House Targaryen and the Iron Throne for the entire time. She also calls them centuries of peace and prosperity, which they very clearly and objectively were not. Westeros has never been particularly peaceful, but it's also never been as chaotic as it was during the reign of the Targaryens. She also somewhat hilariously presents him with the offer of Warden of the North, as if that were a prize to be won for him and not an obvious downgrade in terms of his status among his people and in Westeros in general. 

Jon refuses in a pretty fair retort, explaining that he isn't beholden to his ancestors vows and Daenerys isn't guilty of her father's crimes. It's interesting though, because Daenerys is frustrated by this. It's somewhat understandable that she'd be frustrated by the fact that Jon isn't bending the knee, but it's also intersting that she is frustrated by something that is an objectively fair propisition that puts both she and Jon on equal footing with one another. Throughout their conversation it's been clear that she does not see things that way, she expects Jon to bend the knee because someone who isn't him made a vow, but she doesn't expect to be held guilty for her father's crimes because it wasn't her doing. 

When Jon says that he needs Dany's help and she needs his, her response here is very telling as well. Clearly she's flexing because she wants to be perceived as intimidating by everyone she meets, but what's curious is that she automatically disbelieves that she could need Jon's help when he hasn't even explained what she needs his help for. It's extremely telling because she is already in a mental position where she believes that nothing and no one could possibly pose any kind of threat to her. 

Jon's engagement with the conversation takes an interesting turn here, because even after everything that has been said and done so far, he tells Daenerys that she is at least better than Cersei because she hasn't attacked King's Landing yet. While that is technically true and feels slightly more on par with the heroic Dany that everyone has seen so far, what the audience does already know is that she hasn't just decided not to attack King's Landing, she's been convinced not to attack King's Landing. Thus far, this is the only positive thing that Jon has said about her, and the viewers already know that it's false. 

Jon, ever the wordsmith, tries to immediately apprise Daenerys of the gravity of the situation in the worst way possible by likening the game of thrones to children playing a game screaming that the rules aren't fair. But again, it's interesting that, even though Tyrion corrects her afterwards, Daenerys is offended that Jon is calling HER a child. And it seems that honestly, Dany has no interest in what Jon is saying to her so long as it's not about her and her right to rule Westeros. 

What's also really bizarre here about Daenerys and Tyrion's behavior is that when he starts explaining what's going on with the army of the dead, they are both apathetic and disbelieving, despite the fact that Melisandre told them to summon Jon Snow because something big was coming and Jon knew more about it than almost anyone. It's possible that they were suspicious that it was some kind of trap or ruse, but it's strange that they both act so clueless and uncaring when they've both already been told that Jon was going to show up and tell them some wild shit. 

The dialog exchange gets really bizarre at this point, because instead of actually responding to anything that Jon said, Dany goes off on a tangent that essentially sums up to the idea that she believes in nothing but herself and it's her destiny to rule Westeros. It seems so off topic that it's hard to even understand what the writers were trying to convey here, but the only thing that I can possibly comprehend is that they're essentially trying to make it clear that after everything Jon has said and done, Daenerys is still thinking of nothing more than her destined birthright. 

And once again, we're all meant to see a contrast here because Davos intercedes and counters with the idea that if it's Dany's destiny to be queen, then all of Jon's accomplishments were his destiny too. This is interesting for two reasons though. The first is obvious, that Jon isn't the type to talk himself up or behave in a remotely entitled way, and that he doesn't command respect but earns it.

However, this points out something else interesting that is easy to overlook throughout this exchange. Daenerys is extremely forthcoming about herself, her accomplishments, and what she believes is her right, but Jon hasn't offered up any information about himself willingly. It's an understandable strategic tactic, there is no reason to offer up information to a potential enemy, but the fact is that this conversation clearly has confirmed in his mind that Daenerys is still a very possible enemy. 

And unfortunately for both of them, as Jon and Dany's first ever conversation concludes, Daenerys actually confirms that Jon is her enemy, claims that he is in open rebellion against her, and takes him prisoner while refusing to admit that she's actually taking him prisoner. 

Jon's conversation with Tyrion later is even more interesting. Because Jon directly calls out the fact that he's a prisoner, and Tyrion tries to claim the exact same thing that Dany did, that he's not a prisoner based on the incredibly frail technicality that Dany did not directly tell him that he was a prisoner. But even more importantly, this is an obvious instance where Tyrion could have told Jon that his message to him was intentionally misleading and Daenerys's aggression towards him may have been partially his fault, but he doesn't, nor does he explain this at any point later. 

Another interesting element to their conversation is that Tyrion tells Jon that he actually does believe him about the army of the dead. It's interesting because, if that were the case, why did he so clearly tag-team Jon in his first meeting with Daenerys? Perhaps it took him a moment of thought to actually understand what Jon was saying and come around to believing him, but it's interesting that the writers had a character who was familiar with Daenerys and Jon who could easily have mediated between them and didn't have him mediate. 

Tyrion also makes mention of the fact that children are not their fathers, luckily for all of us. While this is just a one off line and potentially means nothing, it's also a potentially very telling one because, honestly, Jon and Tyrion are very much like their fathers. Jon has idolized Ned for his entire life and desperately wants to be his father, and despite all of his attempts to distance himself from Tywin, Tyrion is clearly the Lannister child who is the most similar to his own father. So the subtext there about none of them being their fathers when even at this point two out of three of them are incredibly similar to their fathers specifically, seems like it could be very obvious foreshadowing.

But probably the most intriguing and noticeably strange aspect of Jon's conversation with Tyrion is that Tyrion explains to him that asking for Daenerys's help against an enemy she doesn't even believe is real is not a reasonable thing to ask. However, literally everything that Tyrion and Daenerys have asked of Jon so far has been wildly unreasonable to ask. Daenerys has asked a complete stranger to bend the knee to someone he's never met or even seen before, and she has essentially taken him hostage when he refused instead of just trying to convince him to do so. Jon even offers her an incredibly easy way in, he asks for her help, and if she provides it it's obvious that he and the rest of the Northmen would be much more open to the idea of her as their queen, but rather than even hearing Jon out she takes a seemingly desperate person as her prisoner with the clear intent of holding him there until he bends the knee. 

When Tyrion convinces Daenerys to give Jon the dragonglass he requires, Daenerys makes her first attempt to actually relate to Jon on a personal level. It's once again interesting that Daenerys brings up the loss of her two brothers and relates it to Jon's loss of his brothers, because Jon offers literally nothing in return. 

But what seems to be more relevant is Dany's position that everyone enjoys what they're good at and Jon saying that he doesn't. Once again, because the audience has the luxury of seeing Jon's entire journey thus far, it's easy to see why he feels this way. However, this seems to be another opportunity to point out the way in which Jon and Dany contrast each other, not to point out the ways in which they're similar to one another. 

It's interesting that Melisandre claims that she has brought ice and fire together at the beginning of the episode. Aside from being a nice nod to the original text, it also positions Jon and Daenerys as opposing forces instead of united ones. And these constant contrasts that are being brought up from the instant that they meet seem extremely relevant to their relationship to one another, but the fact that Dany enjoys what she's good at while Jon doesn't seems to be the most vital bit of information that the show conveys about Jon and Dany right off the bat. Because there really are so many parallels between what they're good at. Much of Jon and Dany's journeys thus far have been about fighting from the bottom to get to the top, winning people over, and trying to kill their enemies before their enemies can kill them. However, many of the things that Jon seems to dislike about leadership the most seem to be things that Daenerys actually does genuinely enjoy. 

It's safe to say that their very first meeting wasn't all that many fans were hoping for, however it seems like in the brutally short timeline of the final two seasons of Game of Thrones, the writers felt that the most important thing to establish between Jon and Daenerys right off the bat was not some sort of chemistry or romantic interest, but was the idea that these two people are diametrically opposed to one another in every way that matters. Despite the fact that their character arcs have had so many parallels thus far, the first episode where Jon and Daenerys actually meet seems to be designed to establish that everything about their personalities, dispositions, and overall ideals are on opposite ends of the spectrum, which was truly just the first gigantic step in establishing a romantic relationship that seems muddled, disjointed, and generally hard to follow and comprehend.

[lesbiansandgayssupporttheminers]

A rather tongue in cheek look at the British class system.

This post started life as an answer to an ask “how do you know which class you are?”- which is an interesting ask to receive, as I always thought most people in the UK had a strong sense of the class system and their place within it.

In the UK, class extends beyond economic factors and each social class tends to have their own, identifiable culture. This culture is, or can be inherited, and it means that people can sometimes identify as a class that doesn't match up with their current apparent economic circumstances.

Apart from the fact I find this personally very interesting, I do think it’s important to examine the class system in the UK. Classism is a very real phenomenon, which exists, for starters. class definitions are difficult and vary with culture and historical moment, but I'll attempt to lay out some key characteristics from my cultural perspective.

The aim of this analysis is not to offend (although it is, at times, to amuse), nor to present one class as “better” than the others.

 Lower- Working class: Your family have traditionally working in non-professional jobs, such as manufacturing, service/hospitality roles, other “unskilled” jobs. Work was likely insecure (especially post Thatcher) and there were periods of being out of work and relying on benefits. Historically, working class people would have lived in council houses or “tied accommodation” but increasingly, they live in insecure rentals. At times, outgoings will have exceeded the money coming in, and there may have been periods where your family needed to rely reselling goods or unconventional sources of credit in order to make ends meet. Increasingly, even in work families are sometimes relying on foodbanks. You/ your family are less likely to drive and own a car. When you were young, it’s likely that you were informally cared for by relatives, or your parents worked opposite shifts to cover childcare.

You speak with a regional accent- it might be pretty strong and you use regional dialect. You eat “tea” in the evening and “dinner” at around midday. A lot of the men in your family follow a local football team, and likely attend games. They might have a bet on the horses, but are unlikely to actually go to the races. Growing up, you might have gone to the park for a kick about with your mates, but you are less likely to have been part of an official team or organised hobby.

You may well care about your appearance, but you’re likely to do things like dye your hair at home, rather than go to a salon. Your clothes are sometimes second hand, but this isn’t through choice. It’s likely you have some clothes or outfits you consider “best”. You may have piercings or tattoos and care less about appearing “conventional”. When you go out, you probably go to a local pub which some people might consider “rough”, but you also sometimes go out clubbing.

You might be close to your family, and the community you grew up in, but it’s also very possible that these relationships are somewhat strained for various reasons. Celebrations such as Christmas (if you celebrate it) and birthdays were important to your family and your parents might have gone a bit overboard with this, even (especially) if they couldn’t afford it.

 At some point in your life, you’ve used the word “scab” as an insult- even if you didn’t know what it meant.

  Upper-Working class: Your family have traditionally worked in skilled trades, or regular “non-professional” employment such as manufacturing. You might also have relatives in the army or in the police force. These days, they might be self employed, but they would be less likely to employ someone else. There are varying degrees of financial comfort, and these days, your family may own their own home but you’re not “wealthy”. It’s unlikely your family have assets or investments beyond one property and cars. If you’re younger than about 35, you or your siblings might have gone to university, but no-one in your parents’ generation has. Your parents probably have a degree of debt beyond a mortgage (if they have one). You probably spent time in childcare when you were young because your parents had to work. If your parents have a mortgage, they are potentially overstretched by it and concerned about how they will pay it off before retirement.

You probably speak with a regional accent and use dialect words. You also use words like serviette, dessert, pardon etc. Someone in your family is really into football but they are more likely to support a team in the premiership and watch games on TV rather than going to matches- if they are into rugby then it’s rugby league unless you’re from Wales or Cornwall. You probably learned to ride a bike as a child, and it may have been your main mode of transport as a teenager. You’re more likely to do a hobby as part of some kind of formal group or club, but it’s unlikely to be one that requires a lot of expensive equipment.

You/your female relatives are probably quite house-proud and take a lot of care over their appearances. There’s probably time spent fake tanning and getting nails done. You’ve probably got a feature wall somewhere in your house. You might have your own distinct sense of style and belong to a “sub-culture” but if you have tattoos, they’re likely to be well planned and/or relatively easily hidden. When you go out, you probably go out clubbing, but you probably have a “local” too.

Family and community are important to you- it’s likely you haven’t moved that far from where you grew up (unless you were really desperate for work). It’s possible the area where you grew up is pretty deprived, although it may be increasingly a victim of gentrification, depending on where you are from.

You know someone who bought their house via “right-to-buy” and thinks this makes them middle class.

 Middle Class: Your family have traditionally worked in more professional jobs. These may not require a degree (especially historically), but we are talking things like accountant, lawyer, doctor, teacher, civil servant etc. They earned a salary rather than being paid by the hour. Some degree of their assets were probably inherited, and they may have some investments e.g. shares or a buy to let property, but this isn’t the whole of their income (unless they are retired and have a decent pension too).

Your parents owned their own home, and are/will be mortgage free by the time they retire. You probably had regular foreign holidays growing up. Your parents are likely to save up for big ticket items, rather than get into debt. You’re not the first generation in your family where people went to university. It’s very likely you had a stay at home parent for part of your childhood.

If you speak with a regional accent, it’s probably not very strong, and it’s likely you don’t use a lot of regional dialect words. You call your midday meal lunch, and your evening meal dinner. If you go to the pub to watch a sports match, it’s more likely to be the six nations than a football game. But it’s equally likely you aren’t into sport at all. Your parents probably made you get swimming and music lessons growing up, and you may well have a hobby- possibly one that requires a bit of financial investment on your part.

You like to think you have a sense of style, but you don’t like to look like you are “trying too hard”. You might be especially into a certain genre of music or films. You may make a nod to subculture in the way you dress, but if you’re older than a teenager, you probably dress in a relatively “conventional” way. You go out to bars, or chain/mid-priced restaurants, although you might also go to a pub for a meal or if there was music on.

Your family probably don’t all live in the same place, and you may only see them relatively rarely. It’s likely your parents have friends from uni or NCT classes who to some extent take the place of family in your life. You may not have a strong sense of community and it’s very possible that if your parents live rurally, you might have moved to the city for work. You’re probably not very religious.

At some point in your life, you have sneered at someone for being a “chav”.

 Upper-middle Class: Your parents are pretty wealthy and almost definitely went to university. You went to a well known university. They likely went to private school and you probably did too (although not a super famous one). If you didn’t go to private school, you went to a grammar school, church school or the most sought after “comp” in the county (your parents probably moved house to get you in). Someone in your extended family owns a second home, or at least a really nice house in the country. You/your parents almost definitely have inherited wealth and assets, as well. You/your parents may just work in a well paid job, but they may also own a medium to large size company. You probably had multiple holidays abroad each year (and it’s very likely you went skiing). If one of your parents’ cars broke down, it would have been very easy for them to replace it, without needing to save up or get into debt, but you don’t have any fear of debt, either. It’s very likely you can get a job through “connections”. It’s likely they employed a cleaner and possibly a gardener, and maybe au-pair or nanny as well.

You speak with an RP accent, and you might have “pudding” after your “supper”. It’s very likely you play a team sport of some kind, probably rugby, cricket, hockey or maybe lacrosse. You might row, or ride horses, or sail. You’ve always been able to do whatever expensive hobby you like, and money has never been a barrier to progressing. You may well shop in charity shops, and brag about the bargains you find there. You may drive an “old” car, but it’s probably a 4x4, genuinely vintage, or quirky in some other way. You have inherited jewellery and possibly some home furnishings. If you’re talented in some way, (sport or artistic) you were probably given every opportunity to persue this.

Networking is important to you and you feel part of a community. You’re probably quite socially confident. It’s likely you know some of the people you work with socially as well. You probably expect to live a reasonably traditional lifestyle, and you’re less likely to be part of a “sub-culture” (unless you’re making a career as an actor or a musician). You probably observe religious festivals, but you don’t go regularly to a place of worship. You avoid chain restaurants, but you like to go to the village pub.

On some level, you probably think “poor” people bring it on themselves through poor decision making.

Upper Class: Historically, your family were rich enough not to have to work for a living, and someone in your extended family owns a very large amount of land. You’re related to someone with a title. You went to a well known private school and you may have boarded. It’s likely your family own multiple properties- some are rented out and some you live in. Some or all of these were inherited, rather than bought. You may have a “private income” of some kind. Your family may have had to “diversify” in recent years, and you may actually be working more than your ancestors did. You might have gone to a well known university, or you might have gone to somewhere like RAU. Your family own multiple cars, and one of them is probably a 4x4. It’s likely your family employed “staff”. At some point since the second world war, your family may well have had to sell off property etc- but your money worries are “how do we avoid selling off land” not “how do we afford to replace the washing machine”.

You talk like you are from the 1940s, and everyone you know has a stupid sounding nickname. You use your own form of impenetrable slang- probably specific to whatever school you went to. You’ve probably been hunting and you know someone who plays polo. You go to events like Royal Ascot, Henley Regatta, the Boat Race and Goodwood etc. You ski. You’ve been on multiple long haul holidays, and you probably went on a “Gap Yah”.

Everyone you know knows everyone else you know and you’re suspicious of people who you don’t have acquaintances in common with. You’ll get married, in a church (you are CofE and white) and having children is fairly important to you. You’re probably involved with some kind of charity work.

You pride yourself on not being a snob, because you got on well with the people you met in Africa, but you’ve never actually spoken to someone who grew up in a council house.

[ibijau]

Epilogue of the Nomad Nie AU // On AO3

The Lan family comes through the Nie's domain again

After what happened during their last commercial expedition, it took Lan Wangji great effort to be allowed on this one. His uncle, plagued with guilt over being forced to leave Lan Xichen among blood-thirsty barbarians, hadn't wanted to risk his other nephew. Lan Wangji, stubbornly, had insisted for weeks, arguing about experience, about precedence, about simply wanting to, until finally his uncle gave in, as he’d always known he would.

The journey hadn’t been easy. They’d had to hire a new guide after the old one tried to double cross them. That new man, that Wei Wuxian, was extremely irritating at times, but even Lan Qiren admitted that he understood the nomads’ languages better than old Su She had, and that he knew safer passages as well. It wasn’t unlikely that if they’d worked with Wei Wuxian that last time, Lan Xichen wouldn’t have been lost to them.

It was because of Lan Xichen that Lan Wangji had been so insistent on accompanying his uncle on this expedition. He had always been close to his brother, and until he knew for sure that Lan Xichen was fine, that he was treated decently, he would know no rest.

After some weeks of journey, their group finally arrived at the spot where the Nie had demanded they should meet them next time they travelled in this region. Lan Wangji prepared himself to wait a long time, but barely a shichen and a half had passed before they spotted a group of riders coming their way. There was some nervousness at first, in case the nomads’ situation had changed since last time, but as the riders came closer Wei Wuxian confirmed those were indeed Nie, and Lan Qiren soon recognised the Khan who had stolen his nephew.

Not long after, two dozen riders came to stop before their camp, led by the tallest man Lan Wangji had ever seen in his life. Next to that giant Lan Wangji guessed to be the Khan, there were two slimmer silhouettes dressed as richly as could be among nomads, as if they were treating this encounter as a great event. Lan Wangji barely looked at them, searching through the group of nomads for a sign of his brother, finding none. Fear seized him at the idea that Lan Xichen was unallowed or unable to be present, and a glance at his uncle told him that fear was shared.

They watched the Nie dismount, the Khan and those two companions coming closer while the rest stayed back, watching the merchants warily. Stopping in front of Lan Qiren, the Khan said a few stern words at him. Before Wei Wuxian could start translating, one of the two Nie with the Khan did it, in a voice that made Lan Wangji shiver with emotion.

“Khan Mingjue is pleased to find you well again, master Lan,” the man said. “He hopes your travel was pleasant so far, and that it will be peaceful in the future. We have brought provisions to share with you as a gift, as well as some precious items you might be interested to purchase. There’s some really beautiful furs,” the man added in a warmer inflection. “They’ll be easy to trade along the way, and even if you have to take them home I think they’ll fetch a good price.”

“Xichen?” Lan Qiren gasped.

The man smiled and laughed softly, a hint of surprise on his face at the idea he might not have been recognised.

Now that he knew, Lan Wangji couldn’t doubt that this was his brother. It certain was his face, and his too rare laugh. But the rest of him just looked so different that the confusion was natural, surely. After all, Lan Xichen was dressed in the exact same manner as the other Nie around him, and had even done his hair in the same manner as them, decorated with braids instead of tied in a respectable bun. Not only that, but his skin was nowhere as pale as it used to be, as if he’d been working outside in the sun. Lan Wangji might have been outraged on his behalf, if only Lan Xichen hadn’t been smiling so brightly.

“Uncle, it’s good to see you again,” Lan Xichen said, bowing before Lan Qiren. He then noticed that his brother was there as well, and his face illuminated. “Wangji, you came too! I’m really glad. Uncle, brother, I must introduce you to my husband, Huaisang. Huaisang, these men are my family.”

Lan Qiren went pale upon hearing the word husband. Before he could say anything, the smaller man next to Lan Xichen bowed before them as elegantly as if he’d been raised in the imperial palace (he’d trained for this, Lan Xichen later said, eager to make a good impression) and spoke to them in perfect Hanyu.

“I am honoured to meet my husband’s family,” Huaisang said. “I hope we can all get along for many years to come.”

Lan Qiren gaped at his nephew’s spouse, opening and closing his mouth a few times. Then, realising that a mere barbarian was showing better manners than him, he regained control of himself and nodded at the young man.

“I am pleased to meet you as well,” Lan Qiren said in a voice that could hardly have been more displeased. “Although it was my understanding he would be marrying a woman, a Nie princess?”

“Su She wasn’t nearly as good as he thought he was,” Lan Xichen explained, while his husband tried to contain a giggle. “I’m glad you hired someone else this time. I told you back then that it was the Khan’s brother who wanted to marry.”

Lan Qiren looked devastated by the news.

“Xichen, we’ll buy you back. No matter the price…”

“What for?” Lan Xichen asked with sincere surprise, taking his husband’s hand. Huaisang’s expression, which had hardened for a moment, relaxed again. “Uncle, don’t you worry about me, I’m really fine. Though I have a list of things I’d like you to bring, next time you come here. It’s so hard to get paper here, you see, and I’m teaching Huaisang to paint… he’s really quite good, you know.”

Huaisang preened at the compliment. Lan Qiren, too stunned to say anything, just nodded. He hadn’t expected to find Lan Xichen in such high spirits, and neither had Lan Wangji who, in the privacy of his mind, had imagined three dozens scenarios in which he would have to rescue his unfortunate brother from the cruel villains who kept him from his family. He had prepared himself to find Lan Xichen desperate at worst, resigned at best, but instead he found him… happy.

The idea was odd to Lan Wangji.

His brother, in his mind, was a serious person, a kind one, hard-working, dedicated to the family business, caring also when it came to Lan Wangji himself, but he wasn’t sure happy was a word he’d ever have used to describe Lan Xichen. At best, his brother had seemed satisfied with his lot in life, and aware that others weren’t as lucky at him. Since he hadn’t been miserable it had been enough for him, and Lan Wangji hadn’t paid it any mind.

So it was odd to see the way Lan Xichen’s face illuminated every time he looked at his husband, or when he explained he had his own horse. His countenance was more animated than it used to be, his smiles came more easily, he spoke with more spontaneity.

He really was happy, and Lan Wangji wasn’t sure how to feel about it, when that happiness had only been found once far from home.

“Lan Zhan, your brother is not at all what I expected!” Wei Wuxian told him later and they inspected some of the merchandise the Nie wanted to trade. He was standing far too close to Lan Wangji, as he tended to do. “Since you said he’s the oldest I thought he’d be even more stern and boring than you, but he’s actually quite fun!”

Early on, Lan Wangji would have asked their guide why he insisted on pestering him, if he found him so boring. He’d learned the hard way that it was impossible to get a straight answer out of Wei Wuxian. Unless he was working, that man just never took anything seriously at all.

That night, Lan Wangji found that he didn’t mind. Maybe being serious wasn’t such a virtue after all. If letting go of restraint was doing such good to his brother, then surely relaxing a little couldn’t be bad.

“He’s really nice to chat with,” Wei Wuxian insisted, looking at Lan Xichen who was now talking with Lan Qiren, probably still discussing business, Huaisang nodding here and there at their side. “His husband isn’t half bad either, I guess.”

Lan Wangji nodded. That Huaisang stood out like a sore thumb among the Nie, but he seemed decently clever and not too ugly in spite of a somewhat nasty scar on his neck. He wouldn’t have been Lan Wangji’s type if he’d had one, but Lan Xichen seemed immensely fond of him, and that was what mattered.

“How awful though,” Wei Wuxian whined, poking at Lan Wangji’s ribs as if they were friends. “I’ll be out of a job if those nomads start learning Hanyu. Hey, Lan Zhan, you’ll continue hiring me even if you don’t need a translator, right?”

“Hm,” Lan Wangji replied. “I will.”

Wei Wuxian cackled at that promise. Lan Wangji didn’t bother reminding Wei Wuxian that he did far more than just translate and was the best man they could have hired for the job. All his attention was on his brother and that husband of his.

It was good to see Lan Xichen this happy.

[secretpeachtea]

Onigiri Miya Tidbits Ch 6

Title: the eagle, the seagull, the crow, and the Brazilians

Genre: gen fic, reader insert

Word Count: 5.3k (whoops)

Summary: Onigiri Miya is now hiring and you just happen to be the right person for the job. The business has been gaining popularity since its grand opening, and many customers travel from different cities just to have a bite of Miya Osamu’s delicious recipes. You did expect some craziness from working in food services, but what you didn’t expect was to be bombarded with frequent tomfoolery from a bunch of attractive volleyball players during your shifts.

disclaimer: manga spoilers

A/N: this one’s a bit of a slow burn (more so than the usual hehe), but I promise it gets better near the 2nd half! There’s not much drama in this chapter, but I think y/n deserves a bit of a break ya feel? Enjoy, my dudes

Previous///Next

Tonight is a special night because it’s ‘Create Your Own Onigiri’ night! Your boss decided to hold this small event to try something new and allow his customers to have some fun in the process. There are laminated onigiri instruction sheets on each of the tables as well as a small customized menu created for this event specifically. You helped him post a couple announcements on social media about the event a week prior to inform the public, and so far, things have been going smoothly.

Osamu is mainly in the kitchen prepping any ingredients for the customers and you’ve been standing at the register as usual. You are pleasantly surprised at how much everyone was enjoying making their own onigiris, and it seems like people of all ages were having fun.

“Welcome to Onigiri Miya!” You greet automatically with a bright smile as the front entrance slides open. A group of very physically fit men walk into the shop with large sports duffel bags slung across their shoulders. Despite the slightly intimidating aura the group gave off, one of the males walked inside with a young child hugging his arm. You scan over all of them briefly and your eyes widen as you make eye contact with Ushijima whom you just met a little over a week ago when the Shiratorizawa alumni visited.

You gave the tall volleyball player a small smile. “Hey, Ushijima-san! What brings you back so soon?”

“You assured me that I should bring my team, and we all wanted to participate in the event today,” Ushijima responded back. “My teammate, Romero-san, is not from Japan, so we wanted to find a restaurant with traditional food.”

“R-right…” You didn’t expect him to actually bring his team any time soon, but you’re still amused at how seriously he took your words from before. You can assume that the only foreigner in the group is the ‘Romero-san’ that Ushijima spoke of. There are probably hundreds of other restaurants the group could’ve gone to for a more cultural experience, so you’re a little giddy that he chose to come here. “Well, it’s good to see you again! I’d be more than happy to help your team have a good time here.”

To Ushijima’s left, another tall figure stood with a resting scowl. His gaze made its way to the kitchen where Osamu was and immediately lit up in recognition. Although, there might’ve been some confusion. “Miya-san, I didn’t know you worked here. Don’t you have practice right now?”

Your boss lets out a short laugh as he looks over his shoulder to look directly at the boy who spoke to him. “Wrong twin, Kageyama-san.”

“Ah.”

Kageyama looks down and glares at the floor mildly distressed at his mistake. There’s a part of you that wants to laugh at his reaction, so you do so internally. Suddenly, you feel someone staring at you, so your eyes shift over in that direction to a male with white hair and round eyes. His stature and overall mannerisms reminded you of a certain orange haired ball of sunshine, so you couldn’t help but stare back a bit longer than you intended. There was a sudden shift in his demeanor and his eyes narrowed at you.

“Why you staring? Is it ‘cause you’ve never seen a volleyball player my height? You’re impressed by the Hoshiumi Korai, right?” The boyish male lifted up his hands as if trying to intimidate you, but in your eyes, he seemed completely harmless.

With a sweet smile, you calmly reply back to his accusations. “Sorry about that. You just remind me of a good friend of mine. He also plays volleyball, and you’re both around the same height. I haven’t seen you play before, but I’m sure you’ve worked hard to get to where you are now regardless of your height, Hoshiumi-san.”

You know you’ve startled him with your kind and composed response when he freezes in place for a couple seconds before dropping his arms back to his sides abruptly and looking away to hide a small grin.

The last two people in the group, whom you assume are father and son, seem to be in their own worlds as they converse quietly. Now seems like a good time to let everyone get settled in, so you step away from the register and gesture for them to follow you. “ My name is (Surname) (Name). You guys can follow me! There’s a table over there that can fit all five of you. Then, I can explain how things are gonna work for today.”

Once the guys all settle in, you stand at the end of the table and point at one of the instruction sheets as well as the menu. “You can pick 2-3 ingredients for your onigiri! One of the ingredients will include meat or seafood and anything else can be a vegetable, seasoning, or both. All of the prices are written down on the menu and there are written instructions on how to make your own onigiri with pictures as guides. Feel free to call me over if you need clarifications. Any questions?”

Multiple heads shake at the same time. You pull out a tiny notepad and pen from your pocket and prepare to take orders. “Great! Then, what can I get for you guys?”

Romero lifts one of his arms to get everyone’s attention and begins to speak somewhat broken Japanese, “Order whatever! I will pay!”

After that declaration, you jot down all of the ingredients that the group orders including some refreshments. “Alrighty! We’ll set up all your ingredients soon on the counter. Once everything’s ready, there’ll be trays for you to take back to your table.”

You bow your head and stroll back behind the counter to relay the order to Osamu. As you’re helping set up some ingredients that don’t require any cooking, you notice that your boss frequently steals glances at the volleyball team with starstruck eyes and curiosity pokes at your mind. “What’s got you looking excited like a kid on Christmas?”

Osamu quickly turns around to face you while holding a spatula in one hand and tongs in the other. Leaning down to keep the conversation between the two of you, he unconsciously lifts both kitchen utensils up in the air with enthusiasm and flashes a childlike grin. “That’s Nicolas Romero! He’s a really famous world class volleyball player from Brazil. My brother and I used to watch him on TV all the time when we were younger, so it’s kind of crazy to see him in person!”

There’s a slight leap in your heart as you watch Osamu’s eyes brighten in joy but choose to ignore that strange feeling for the time being. “Now that you mention it, I think I saw a couple posters and billboards with his face on them when I was in Brazil.”

“I was really surprised when ‘Tsumu told me he was coming to Japan to play for the Schweiden Adlers. I never thought he’d come to my restaurant though!” Your boss is quite awestruck at the idea that such an important figure from his childhood was about to eat food that he cooks himself and it’s enough to elicit a giggle from you.

It’s not long before all the ingredients are set up on four large trays along with a couple beverages. You face the group of males and raise a hand next to your mouth. “Order’s ready for Romero-san!”

Romero stands up from his seat and pats his son on the head to stay put before gesturing at Kageyama to follow him. “Tobio, help me bring the food?”

“Of course, Romero-san!” The setter shoots up from his spot with a zealous expression and immediately follows behind his teammate like a baby duckling. When the two arrive in front of the counter, they give you a short thanks and take their trays back to their table. Osamu subtly glimpses at his childhood idol but quickly looks back down with a flustered expression when he notices you sending him a smirk of your own.

With everyone pretty much settled in, you decide to walk around to the other tables to see if anyone needs any assistance or if they have any questions. You return back to the register after a couple of minutes ready to sit down and take a quick break, but you notice a couple drinks sitting on the counter. The volleyball team must have forgotten to take them when they took their food. Since you didn’t have much to do at the moment, you decide to take the drinks to their table yourself.

With arms full of beverages, you walk up to the Adlers. “Hello, sorry to interrupt, but you left your drinks on the counter. I just thought I’d bring them for you.”

Romero takes the drinks from you and then distributes all of them to each person after sporting a grateful smile. “Ah, thank you!”

You’re about to walk away, but the sight before is almost too ridiculous for you to look elsewhere. All of the men are in the process of creating their onigiris, but each creation looks quite...interesting.

Ushijima’s onigiri is one very large globular rice ball, which distinctively resembles a volleyball, with a few sesame seeds sprinkled at the top. Hoshiumi’s onigiri almost looks like it’s about to explode with how much meat was piled inside the rice and probably would’ve fallen apart if he didn’t have it enclosed around both of his hands. Kageyama’s onigiri is of a decent size, but he must’ve put too much pressure when shaping the rice because it just looks like mush with obvious handprints. Romero is the only person at the table who was able to make a normal onigiri, but everyone seems to be enjoying their time so you don’t think Osamu needs to come over and help.

You finally look at the young child sitting next to his father and tilt your head in confusion when you notice that he’s not participating or eating anything his father made for him. With slight concern, you turn towards Romero. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but is your son not fond of the food? I could offer some other ingredient options?”

“Oh, that’s okay. Everything is perfect!” Romero replies with a knowing look. “Rubens is just a little grumpy since he misses his mother. She met new friends at an onsen and they invited her out to go shopping today. Thank you for asking, though.”

After living in Brazil for a couple months, you were able to pick up on some Portuguese. You’re not in any way fluent yet, so when the older man briefly speaks to his son, you can only make out Romero asking Rubens if he wanted a different onigiri and that he needed to eat to be healthy. The boy’s pout deepens and just simply states that he was bored. Romero sends you an apologetic smile, and you just wave your hand to let him know that you understood.

A sudden idea pops into your head. “Romero-san, is your son allergic to anything? I have an idea to help Rubens enjoy himself more. Would you mind if I try to make your son something?”

“Go for it! My son does not have any allergies, but he does love pork!” Romero nods his head in approval.

You quickly make your way back behind the counter and peek over Osamu’s shoulder as he stands in front of the stove. “Hey boss, do you mind if I try to make something for Romero’s son?”

“Sure. I don’t think anyone needs any help or anything at the moment, so you’re free to do whatever you’d like,” Osamu replies nonchalantly and you tap his arm gratefully.

Situating yourself in front of the counter surrounded by ingredients, you momentarily think about what you want to do. You make the final decision to create two designs for the onigiris that you think Rubens might like. After washing your hands, you gather up all the ingredients you need and even snatch some extra pork from Osamu’s pan. After a couple minutes of putting together the onigiris, you place them on a plate and examine your creations.

The first onigiri resembles a simplified stegosaurus with meat substituting the spines of the dinosaur and some sesame seeds throughout the body for texture. The second onigiri is just a regular rice ball with pork and vegetables, but a couple irregularly shaped pieces of nori are scattered across the surface to resemble a dinosaur egg. Both onigiris lie on top of a small pile of bonito flakes to act as a nest.

You take the plate of food to where Rubens is sitting, a bit nervous since you aren’t sure how he’s going to react. Everyone else at the table just watches curiously as you place the onigiris in front of the young child and his eyes widen. He’s practically mesmerized by his dinosaur themed meal and even some of the other guys are impressed.

Rubens quickly turns towards his father and whispers into his ear. Romero chuckles and pats his son’s head lovingly before facing you. “My son wants to know how you did that. He absolutely loves it.”

A sigh of relief leaves your lips at your successful attempt at making the child happy. The only problem was that you were still in the middle of work, so you didn’t know if you could spend any more time here. Coincidentally, Osamu seemed to have overheard everything for the last couple minutes from his spot in the kitchen. “Hey, (Name)-san. If you wanna take a quick break and spend some time with the kid, I don’t think there would be any problem with it.”

You’re really grateful for Osamu’s leniency, but a part of you still feels bad as you turn to look at him. “Are you sure? I don’t want to skip out on my job so suddenly.”

“Don’t worry about it. The boss said it’s all good.” Osamu gives you a reassuring smile and you take it as your cue to grab an extra chair off to the side and sit beside Rubens. You’re about to grab some rice to begin teaching the boy, but a slight tug on your sleeve makes you freeze in place. As you look to your side, you see Kageyama’s hand near your shoulder and there’s an intense look in his eyes.

“K-Kageyama-san, would you like to learn too?” You ask a bit surprised. Your bewilderment is replaced with amusement when he nods at you furiously and you almost laugh out loud at his excitement.

“Oh! Me too! Me too!” Hoshiumi intervenes enthusiastically and even Ushijima seems to be interested. These guys sure were something else.

In the end, everyone in the group was watching as you demonstrated how to make different designs with the onigiri rice. Rubens finally succumbed to his hunger and began to eat his dinosaur meal, so you were left to attend to the grown up men who listened to you eagerly like school children, aside from Romero who needed to step outside to answer a call from his wife.

“Alright! Now that you have some of the basics down, why don’t you each try to make your own? Just to keep it simple, we’ll all choose a single design. Any ideas as to what you guys want to make?” There’s a brief silence as everyone tries to think of something doable. Suddenly, Ushijima lifts up his phone and an image of what you recognize to be Japan’s adorable volleyball mascot* is shown. You sweatdrop as Hoshiumi and Kageyama clap in agreement at the volleyball player’s obvious, yet adorable selection.

Other than having to give a few pointers to Hoshiumi and Ushijima, it seems like they were doing a pretty decent job at making the character. The one who was truly struggling was Kageyama. He was still putting too much pressure when molding the rice. As he continues to squeeze the rice excessively, you gently place your hands on top of his slender fingers.

“You’re putting too much force in your hands, Kageyama-san. Here, loosen your grip a bit and I can show you.” With that said, Kageyama lets go of his vice grip and allows you to guide his hands over the rice. The two of you stay like that for a couple more seconds until you successfully make a circular rice ball. As the male opens his palms upward with your hands still wrapped around his, his eyes sparkle in amazement.

Kageyama bows his head gratefully and when he looks back up at you, you’re taken aback by the amount of admiration flooding his expression. Your body stiffens when he quickly puts down the onigiri and clasps your hands between his. “Thank you, (Surname)-san!”

“N-No problem.” You feel a bit of heat creep up your cheeks with the way Kageyama was holding your hands so delicately.

The moment doesn’t last long, however, when you suddenly feel someone’s fingers graze the side of your face and a sticky feeling is left on your skin. When you look to see who the culprit is, your eyes fall on the youngest person at the table with one of the most terrified expressions you’ve ever witnessed. Almost immediately, Rubens starts apologizing in broken Japanese similar to the way his father has been speaking, “S-sorry! Sorry! Sorry!”

While you were busy working with Kageyama, Rubens had finished eating and wanted to make his own onigiri since he was still a bit hungry. He wanted to grab more rice from the bowl next to you but misjudged his movements and accidently touched your cheek with his sauce covered fingers. The child felt absolutely horrified and was afraid that you’d hate him for this.

Using a napkin, you wipe off as much as you can from your cheek and then proceed to lower yourself onto the ground to get to the child’s eye level. Mustering up your brightest smile, you try your best to reassure Rubens who looks like he’s about to cry. “Hey, hey! It’s okay, Rubens! I’m not mad.”

You spend the next couple minutes cooing at the sniffling young boy, and once you’re sure that Rubens is no longer going to cry, you sit back down on your chair. You lift up a ball of rice to gesture that you want to help him make an onigiri and he nods his head. You make a traditional triangular onigiri but place two rolled up bonito flakes for eyes and a piece of curved rice on top of the nori to make it look like a bearded face. There’s an almost immediate shift in the child’s mood when you point at the design and then to the empty chair next to him because you had made an onigiri that resembled his father.

Both of your laughs fill the air and the whole situation resembles a heartwarming scene from an anime. You were too distracted to notice the multiple pairs of eyes watching the scene in captivation. Once Rubens starts to eat again, you look up to see some lingering stares. “Is everything alright?”

Two stoic faces avoid your eyes by looking down, while Hoshiumi snaps out of his trance. The white haired male sits up a little straighter before addressing you. “Hey, you’re pretty good with kids, (Surname)-san!”

“I’ve had a couple babysitting jobs in the past. I’m not perfect with kids, but I did pick up a few things here and there,” you respond back shyly.

At this moment, Romero walks back into the shop while pocketing his phone. “Sorry to cut our time short, but I think my wife is coming back home soon. I should start heading out with Rubens. You guys can stay longer if you’d like.”

“That’s okay, Romero-san. I think we’re all ready to leave as well.” Kageyama lifted up his tray which spurred the rest of the other guys to do the same. As everyone helps out in cleaning up their area, you head back to the register to receive the payments for the meal from Romero.

The guys were now all ready to leave, but your boss quickly grabs their attention after taking a glance at a certain framed object on the shop’s wall. “Do you guys mind signing some autographs to put up in the shop?”

“Of course!” Romero exclaims. The rest of the team complies as well and they each sign a piece of paper that will most likely be displayed by tomorrow. Once that’s done, the team stands in front of the exit with their belongings. Rubens tugs at his father’s arms to get his attention and Romero bends down to listen to what the boy wants to say.

“What’s up?....Name?....Onigiri Miya…”

You can’t make out anything other than a few words, so you’re thrown completely off guard when Rubens suddenly jumps up from his spot and waves his arms wildly at you. “Bye-bye, Mrs. Miya!”

You don’t even hear any of the other males voice their goodbyes and leave the shop as blood rushes through your ears and your face flushes into deep crimson color. It seems like Osamu wasn’t spared either as his cheeks explode with heat at the implication. Both of you stand in awkward silence for a few seconds to calm your hearts until Osamu musters up the courage to glance at you first.

His expression shifts a little as he stares at your face. Osamu then points at your cheek. “Oh, (Name)-san. You still got a little something on your face.”

Momentarily forgetting about feeling flustered, you realize that you might not have gotten rid of all the sauce from when Ruben accidentally touched your cheek. “What? I thought I got it all off. Why didn’t anyone say anything?”

You attempt to wipe off the sauce remnants, but fail to do so each time because you don’t know where it is exactly. Osamu grabs a clean towel from the top shelf and slightly dampens it under the sink before standing in front of you again. “I got you.”

Osamu lifts up the towel and starts to wipe at your cheek softly. When your head starts moving too much, he brings up his other hand and places it gently on your neck to support it. There must have been a lot more sauce left than you expected because Osamu continues to hold you in place for a couple more seconds, his eyes never leaving your face. Unconsciously, your own eyes drift around his features and you can’t help but admit how handsome he looked at the moment.

“Oh, young love~”

Both you and Osamu flinch back when you hear one of the customers that are still in the room say their thoughts. When you glance at the table where the voice came from, you see an elderly couple smiling at you while holding hands with one another in a loving manner. The previous blush you had comes back in full force as you remember that the two of you were not alone and in a somewhat intimate position together.

“T-t-thanks, Osamu-san!” You stutter and almost trip over your own feet as you start walking towards the bathroom with hurried steps. “I’m j-just gonna...um...go to the bathroom really quick!”

As you rush away from Osamu, he just watches your back disappear behind the bathroom door. He stands in place quietly as he processes what had just happened and there’s a foreign feeling in his stomach that he can’t explain. He simply turns his back to the bathroom and rubs a hand to his cheek to hide the smile that threatens to creep onto his lips.

Leftovers

You’re currently laying on your couch comfortably surrounded by pillows and blankets while watching a movie on your laptop. Today was your day off from work, so you planned to stay in for the whole day and catch up on some alone time. As much as you want to focus on your movie, your mind starts to wander off.

About two days have passed since you met the Schweiden Adlers volleyball team at Onigiri Miya, but they were still on your mind. Based on the tidbits of information you’ve gathered from Osamu, Adlers and MSBY were rival teams. It almost makes you want to laugh at how different the two teams were in terms of their dynamics and personalities, so you hope to see them play against each other one day.

Suddenly, the ringing of your doorbell interrupts your thoughts and you pause your movie. You stand up and walk towards your door in confusion. You weren’t expecting anyone to visit, so you’re a bit weary as you look through the peephole.

As if the universe knew what you were thinking about before, you’re surprised to see Sakusa standing outside your door with his usual face mask. Swiftly unlocking the door, you pull it open and greet your curly haired acquaintance.

“Hey, Sakusa-san! What’s-” You stop speaking abruptly when you notice two large bags in the volleyball players arms and they look fairly heavy too. “Oh, wow. Are those...for me?”

Sakusa just nods his head and you quickly open your door wider to let him inside to place the bags down. You’re extremely curious as to what the contents were since both bags were covered by tissue paper, even more so because Sakusa was the one to bring them to you. He places both bags onto your coffee table and you’re about to ask what they were for, but he beats you to it.

“Congrats,” Sakusa states with his usual impassive expression but there’s a hint of softness to his tone.

At this time, you’re completely perplexed. “Congrats for what?”

“For graduating.” Sakusa’s reply causes your eyebrows to shoot up. “This is from the team.”

“Oh...” You’re left speechless for a moment as you try to understand the situation and once everything finally clicks, a warm feeling encompasses your heart. “Um...thank you.”

You gaze at the gifts bags for a bit longer with various emotions swirling through your eyes before talking again. “...did the team send you because we live in the same apartment building?”

“Yeah.” Sakusa let out a sigh which made you laugh a bit, but it didn’t sound like he was necessarily bothered by the task.

The male briefly checks his phone and gestures that he needs to leave soon. As Sakusa starts to make his way back to the front door, you follow with light steps to see him out. “Let everyone know that I really appreciate this when you see them again for practice!”

He nods in acknowledgement and the two of you exchange goodbyes before you finally lock the door as he walks away. Without a moment to lose, you rush over to the large bags sitting on your coffee table with anticipation. Just from the first glance, you can tell that there are multiple things piled up, so you’ll just have to take things out one by one.

After removing the tissue paper from the bag on the left first, you pull out something large and fluffy. In your hands is a huge teddy bear that’s wearing an MSBY jersey while holding a small note card that says “Congratulations on Graduation!”. You immediately know who it’s from because the bear’s multicolored fur resembles the colors of Bokuto’s hair. You give the bear a tight hug before placing it next to you on the couch.

The next thing you take out is a miniature set of hand lotions with a small bottle of pepper spray taped onto it. There’s a small note on the bottle that says “It’s dangerous walking home alone at night”. There’s no indication of who the gift giver is, but you know that Sakusa would be the only one to pick out these specific gifts. As you move the package to the side, another small piece of paper falls to the ground. It must have been stuck to the bottom of the hand lotion set. When you pick it up, there’s another note that says “Thanks for the soup”. Your smile widens. It seems like you had guessed correctly.

The last gift from the first bag is a beautiful mug with a sunrise design printed onto it. There’s a Brazilian flag sticking out of the mug, which makes it even more obvious that the gift was from your dear friend Hinata. When you push aside the flag, there’s a limited edition Bouncing Ball keychain inside the mug as well with a cute handwritten card that says “Congratulations, (Name)-san! We should hang out one day to play some beach volleyball like we did in Brazil!”. Your cheeks were starting to ache at how much you were smiling as you reread the note several more times.

You reach out to the remaining bag and pull away the tissue paper. Your nose is immediately assaulted by a pleasing floral fragrance and when you look inside, a large bouquet of flowers comes into your vision. Once the flowers are in your arms, you notice the note sticking out between the petals. Placing the flowers on your lap, you open the small folded piece of paper which says “Hey there, sweetheart. You should’ve let me know you were having such a big moment in your life! I would’ve done so much more, but for now, enjoy these flowers. The irises mean accomplishment and admiration. The peonies mean good luck. The daffodils mean new beginnings. Congrats on your win against school!” You’re quite touched by the amount of thought that went into this gift and based on the nickname, you can safely assume that this is Atsumu’s gift. You didn’t take him as a flower type of guy, but he’s always full of surprises. Nonetheless, you mentally note that you need to buy a nice vase to place these wonderful beauties in.

You thought that would be the last gift since you’ve already opened everything from the four MSBY players, but when you glance into the bag one more time, there are still two remaining boxes. They have the same wrapping, so you assume that they are from the same person. Taking both of them out carefully, you notice that the larger of the two boxes has a note that reads “I know you said you don’t normally eat sweets, so I tried my best not to add too much sugar”. Wondering what the card meant about sweets, you slowly open the lid and see two small cakes positioned next to each other with icing that spells out ‘Tiramisu’ and ‘Dark Chocolate’ on the respective cakes. Your mouth waters at the sight of the homemade desserts, but you restrain yourself because you were even more curious as to what might be in the other mystery box.

When you finally open the last remaining gift, there’s another note inside that says “It’s never too late to celebrate. Congrats, (Name)-san”. When you look underneath the note, your jaw drops as you let out a gasp. Inside was a gorgeous silver charm bracelet that was minimalistic enough for you to wear wherever you went. If the note wasn’t a big giveaway, the tiny onigiri charm attached to the bracelet convinced you that Osamu was the one who had given you these gifts.

The next couple of hours are spent finishing your movie with all of your gifts surrounding you. The inside of your room now smells like a mix of flowers and peachy lotion. The MSBY teddy bear is secured between your arms as you drink warm tea from your new mug while taking a bite out of each cake.

You’re not sure whether or not you want to jump up in happiness or simply cry from the overwhelming emotions, but either way, you’re glad to have met such amazing people the past couple months.

You couldn’t wait to get back to work.

Japan’s volleyball mascot: y’all know that volleyball mascot right? The one Ushijima loves to draw and the one that Hinata has shirt of

A/N: oof you made it! Can we all just give a moment of silence for Rubens for being the best boi? also another moment for the nice old lady at the end ;)

taglist: @kiyoo-omi​​

[butwhatifidothis]

So @nilsh13​ decided that I was in need of torture today and sent me a take about Claude that quite frankly blew my ass out with how absolutely wack it is.

The take in full (two comments, under the cut):

“From what I've gathered of Claude's motivation, it's to prove himself to his Almyran family by entering Fodlan and destabilizing it from the inside. That's why he was trying to look into the Church's secrets and why he talked about possibly learning to harness the power of the sword of the creator for himself. I also think that's why he tries to stay "neutral" in routes not his own. I think he's just trying to hold out until he feels like he can make his move and overwhelm who's left. In VW with Byleth he feels like he can take initiative, and so hijacks the work of Edelgard's Revolution right from under her by killing her in Enbarr. This led to some of the fandom claiming that Claude took Fodlan bloodlessly, when really he just let others do the hard work then swooped in. I also think the reason he doesn't want to work with anyone is that he wants to claim that taking Fodlan was completely on him, no allies. That's why he lets Byleth become the new Archbishop, they're an ambitionless puppet that can be easily be manipulated by him, unlike Edelgard, or even Dimitri.

I don't think Claude really cares about Fodlan or it's well-being, he's there for himself. He just comes off as a completely disingenuous ass, yet because eof Joe Zieja and poor narrative focus, he's tricked the fandom into thinking he's actually a decent person.

(for context) A reply says:  Although I don't really agree, you see in both AM and CF that he trusts Dimitri and Edelgard respectively to achieve some of his dreams. I never felt that he was in it for himself; just like Edelgard, he's motivated by a better future for Fodlan, it's just that he uses more sneaky methods rather than Edelgard's more direct approach.

“Nah, I don't buy it. One of the flaws of the writing I think is that we never never see Claude pushed to the absolute edge like the other characters. It's almost like he doesn't care about his goals. But then you find out that's just an Almyran thing. They're warmongerers, but they value their lives more than winning in the end.

So yeah, for Claude, this doesn't mean as much to him as it does to Edelgard, who lives in Fodlan and wants to see it bettered for it's people. If Claude genuinely wanted that, I think he would've allied with Edelgard, since her overthrowing the Church would lead to the kinds of societal changes he claims to want. But he doesn't, because he's selfish and wants the win for himself if he can take it. He doesn't understand that war is people fighting for their home, which is why he's so shocked Hilda was willing to die for his bs claims. I sincerely don't believe Claude cares about Fodlan. He might care about a handful of folks he met, but they're mostly just a means to an end.

Claude is in Fodlan for his own gain in Almyra. Not for Fodlan's sake. He's just fortunate Edelgard started and became the face of war so he didn't have to do it himself.

Very frankly, fuck Claude. I agree with Edelgard. I understand Seiros. I pity Dimitri. No nuance with Claude, fuck him with a rusty lance.

Sooooo there’s a whole lot to unpack here.

“ From what I've gathered of Claude's motivation, it's to prove himself to his Almyran family by entering Fodlan and destabilizing it from the inside. That's why he was trying to look into the Church's secrets and why he talked about possibly learning to harness the power of the sword of the creator for himself. “

And he does this by... stabilizing the Alliance, that was going to fall apart with its head Major House falling to ruin without a proper heir. By being the literal, as-stated-by-Edelgard-herself reason that the Alliance is still stable. Right, okay, makes perfect sense actually. And like..... how do you get something so backwards? Claude isn’t looking into the Church’s secrets because he wants to destabilize Fodlan, it’s because he thinks the Church is the reason for Fodlan’s reluctance to have deep interactions with foreigners/outsiders. He thinks the Church is hiding involvement in big events like the Lance of Ruin and wants to “expose” them for their wrong-doings. And him wanting the SotC is because he thinks it would give him clout, like him wanting to wield Failnaught. Him being able to wield the literal most famous, renown relic in Fodlan’s history would give him so much sway in way more than just oonga boonga physical strength - Byleth being able to is the entire reason people look to them as a religious savior, since it’s physical proof that they have connections to one of the greatest “Heroes” of Fodlan’s history.

“ I also think that's why he tries to stay "neutral" in routes not his own. I think he's just trying to hold out until he feels like he can make his move and overwhelm who's left. In VW with Byleth he feels like he can take initiative, and so hijacks the work of Edelgard's Revolution right from under her by killing her in Enbarr. This led to some of the fandom claiming that Claude took Fodlan bloodlessly, when really he just let others do the hard work then swooped in. “

Or maybe he tries to stay neutral in the war because he doesn’t want his people embroiled in it?? Which fits with how he orders his men to fall back whenever it looks like it’s getting too dangerous?? Like, you do realize that it’s entirely possible to realize you don’t have the power to fight back and also want to keep your men safe because you care about them, right? That those aren’t inherently contradictory statements?

And what are you actually talking about “he just let others do the hard work then swooped in” you mean the “hard work” of Edelgard’s that he explicitly says destroys his dreams? Specifically mentioning how it was her excessive force that was fucking him over? Edelgard instigating war isn’t “hard work” for Claude, it’s something that is actively holding back his ambitions and something that he must get over. He has to improvise his plans around Edelgard’s war because it goes against his wants. The war is not something inherently positive for Claude, it’s something that he worked into his plans because otherwise he’d be fucked.

“ I also think the reason he doesn't want to work with anyone is that he wants to claim that taking Fodlan was completely on him, no allies. That's why he lets Byleth become the new Archbishop, they're an ambitionless puppet that can be easily be manipulated by him, unlike Edelgard, or even Dimitri. “

Which is why a majority of his endings state that he’s leaving Fodlan to his friends, plural, and why none of them state him having influence over Fodlan’s ruling (hence the “entrusting Fodlan” part of the majority of his endings), and why his Lorenz one actually states he’s leaving it to Lorenz specifically, and why literally none of his endings say anything about him taking full credit for shit all, and why in AM he literally leaves the Alliance and the future of Fodlan to Dimitri, and also why he literally, factually, actually works with Dimitri in AM and wants to in VW. This is. So fucking stupid.

“ I don't think Claude really cares about Fodlan or it's well-being, he's there for himself. He just comes off as a completely disingenuous ass, yet because eof Joe Zieja and poor narrative focus, he's tricked the fandom into thinking he's actually a decent person.“

I might actually have a stroke. 

like damn lmao like they don’t think it’s good writing but everything else is pretty close

Second comment 

Reminder for context, this reply:  Although I don't really agree, you see in both AM and CF that he trusts Dimitri and Edelgard respectively to achieve some of his dreams. I never felt that he was in it for himself; just like Edelgard, he's motivated by a better future for Fodlan, it's just that he uses more sneaky methods rather than Edelgard's more direct approach.

“ Nah, I don't buy it. One of the flaws of the writing I think is that we never never see Claude pushed to the absolute edge like the other characters. It's almost like he doesn't care about his goals. But then you find out that's just an Almyran thing. They're warmongerers, but they value their lives more than winning in the end.

This just in folks, if you aren’t pushed to your mental limits then you don’t care about your goals. Being able to keep a cool head despite the circumstances obviously means that you don’t care about what’s happening. 

And the thing is I even agree somewhat to the idea of Claude having a moment of weakness, but that he doesn’t isn’t indicative of his lack of care, like, at all, no matter where he’s from. He still very fuckin’ clearly cares, given that he stayed in Fodlan to help the Alliance. 

And imma take that “just an Almyran thing” for later

Oh but wait, of course, I forgot:

“ So yeah, for Claude, this doesn't mean as much to him as it does to Edelgard, who lives in Fodlan and wants to see it bettered for it's people. If Claude genuinely wanted that, I think he would've allied with Edelgard, since her overthrowing the Church would lead to the kinds of societal changes he claims to want.”

He doesn’t want to see Fodlan get better because he doesn’t live there, which is the only way for one to care about something. Nevermind that he’s been living there for seven years by post ts, nevermind that he’s actually trying to find the truth to help Fodlan unlike Edelgard who just assumes she does without any further investigation, nevermind that the changes he wants to implement get fucking implemented without the dismantling of the Church, no that’s completely irrelevant. He didn’t side with Edelgard so of course he doesn’t want the best for Fodlan, because he’s not brown-nosing the imperialist he can’t actually give a shit. Sure, alright.

And oh yeah, so much societal change Edelgard does, she gets rid of the need for Crests (maybe) and boots a church that isn’t directly tied to the state... and that’s it! Literally nothing else changes with Edelgard, save for one noble house - that has a history of providing magical innovations - getting its noble status back. Commoners rising to power, political or military, without having to marry into it? Never mentioned! Inheritance based strictly on birth? Still very much present! Nobles getting things they haven’t earned? Caspar has your back, Linhardt would but he’s too busy sleeping in his cozy new institute that was made specifically for him and no one else that he abandons in most of his endings anyway so it’s a complete waste, and Bernadetta too busy being forced to take up her family’s work by Edelgard to do anything she might, you know, want to do or anything. One source having all of the power to rule over the whole of Fodlan? Literally Edelgard’s whole plan! Censorship of things the higher ups don’t want the people knowing about? Hey now Dorothea better consult Edelgard before you go just playing any performance you want. Violent quelling of opposition (that’s only levied towards Rhea because she killed people literally caught in the act of trying to kill her)? Well, that’s literally all she has Hubert around for! Not like she cares for his ass otherwise, Miss “I walk my path alone despite having someone who will do literally anything for me” Miss “I have nothing to say about my retainer of like 20 years dying for my cause in any route he dies for me in”. 

Note how none of that has shit all to do with what Claude wants, which is better foreign relations. All of those pertain to endings in CF and the only place that mentions foreign affairs at all is Petra... where she is forced to marry Imperial nobles in some of her endings to gain Brigid’s independence, as per Edelgard’s demands. Yeah, no, this shit wouldn’t fly with Claude’s dreams.

“ But he doesn't, because he's selfish and wants the win for himself if he can take it. He doesn't understand that war is people fighting for their home, which is why he's so shocked Hilda was willing to die for his bs claims. I sincerely don't believe Claude cares about Fodlan. He might care about a handful of folks he met, but they're mostly just a means to an end. “

.....Um.... yes he wants to win the war.... like fuckin’ hello who’d want to lose it? Honest to fuckin’ god, who is going to be on the winning side of a war they didn’t want and go “and I will do nothing with my victory whatsoever” I’m going to stop you ahead of time and say fucking no one. The victor of war is always going to use their victory to do something with it. This isn’t indicative of Claude, Edelgard, Dimitri, Rhea, fuckin’ Billy-Joe down the road, it’s just a fact. 

And hey!!! Maybe he was shocked that people would die for him because like you fucking said in this comment In Almyra - that place that kinda sorta influenced Claude just a tad - you value your life more than your cause! And he valued the lives of his friends more than the cause and that’s why he tells them to retreat in every fucking route! And that him wanting his friends to live and not die for him is not, in fact, him seeing them as a means to an end! 

“ Claude is in Fodlan for his own gain in Almyra. Not for Fodlan's sake. He's just fortunate Edelgard started and became the face of war so he didn't have to do it himself.”

Okay, so fuckin’ riddle me this, if he really wanted to just fuck over Fodlan and claim it for his own and was using Edelgard to spearhead everything, why doesn’t he bust out the full-force Almyran army in CF? Or hell, anywhere? If the goal was really, truly, “100% for his throne in Almyra, fuck Fodlan idgaf” then why does he not just fucking take it over with the infinitely stronger Almyran army? Why does he go out of his way to protect the Alliance people? Why does he evacuate the people in AM and act as a fucking shield for them in CF? Why is he putting himself in this much danger to protect something he apparently doesn’t give a shit about? Why doesn’t he turn to the ol’ King Daddy’o and say “yo pops gimme more men I’ll give ya THE FUCKING ENTIRETY OF FODLAN, OUR CENTURIES OLD ENEMY WHOM IS HATED BY THE MAJORITY OF OUR PEOPLE”?

The Claude you’re describing sounds like a real fuckin’ stupid asshole, good thing he don’t real