#this was actually a little hard to do bc i’ve removed a lot of my older works (from when i was much more active) from my masterlists

[jemmo]

i can’t tell you how much i usually hate these ignoring, distancing plots in shows and how much i absolutely adore everything about these 2 episodes of the eighth sense. like im not having a good time, and it’s fantastic.

bc the thing is, in all of this, i can’t see the right way to go, i can’t find the person to blame, i can’t find the way to make it better. I can’t single out a single moment or a thing someone did and say “this is why everything went wrong”. it’s just this coming together and rise and swell of things happening and people feeling things that has us ending up here and it feels beautifully and horribly organic bc we can’t find that point where it all went wrong. was it on that rooftop? was it at the beach? was it when they first met? was it when his brother died? was it when he was born into this family? there is no single point. it’s all of them and it’s none of them. there is truly nothing and no one to blame. and there are bad characters in the show, people you can hate, eunji and taehyung, but neither of them are to blame for any of the bad stuff that happens in the show. you’re not waiting for them to be taken down bc that doesn’t solve anything. instead, it’s just two people hurting, and not knowing how to make it better.

bc you take jaewon, and after what he says at the end of ep 8, you want to hate him, you want to be so angry at him for what he says, for how he acts, how dismissive and hurtful he is, and yet you’ve been made to understand 100% why, and not just in a “i get it but that wasn’t the right thing to do” way, in a “that was horrible and yet i know he doesn’t see any other way to handle this” way. like you don’t see this as a misstep, or a step to far, bc you know for him, in his state of mind, it is completely justified, it’s necessary. bc it not only punishes the person he blames for all of this, himself, but he sees it as a way to protect jihyun. and not even in a cliche “bad things happen when people around me, the people I love always get hurt” kinda way, but more so in that he sees that he is a scared, messy, struggling person that doesn’t know how to handle himself, and doesn’t want to inflict that on anyone, let alone the person he cares about. so what’s worse, a quick, swift blow that hurts but cuts everything off cleanly, or this prolonged relationship where he inevitably continues to weigh jihyun down with the weight of his trauma, and take it out on him. what’s the point of having a place of refuge when you ruin it more and more every time you depend on it, until it eventually can’t offer you comfort. it’s a lesser of two evils, jaewon’s choice is obvious to him.

but then you take jihyun. and we talk about masks and fronts but we never once question whether jihyun wears a mask bc he appears so sweet and innocent and naive, what can this boy possibly be putting up a front for. but i see it, this almost fake it till you make it confidence front that yes is becoming more natural. but my god just think about what he’s gone through for a second. think about it. left home for the first time in his life, moved to an unfamiliar and intimidating city with only one other person he knows, started a new job, started university, tried to build relationships, met a man that intrigues him, and perused him only to be kissed and then ignored, then maybe establish something tentative, only to then see him spiral, go on a trip where he shared his trauma, you have an intimate night together only to almost die, and then be not only ignored, but plain and simple rejected and pushed away. like… you can say all you want about jihyun growing as a person and having more courage, but no amount of growth for however many months this has been going on for can prepare you for that. for the mixed messages on steroids. for the back and forth, not knowing. to give yourself to someone like that and go through something traumatic and then be abandoned by that person. we get it, bc we see all of jaewon’s story. but apart from what jaewon shared at the beach, jihyun doesn’t know any more than that. he doesn’t know about therapy, about how his father acts towards him, about the extent of his trauma and how it manifests and affects his mental health, and how he is struggling every single day. and you can’t expect him to know the depths of that no matter how empathetic and connected he is, how much he cares about jaewon, he can’t be superhuman. and so you get why he pushes and fights for jaewon. like… he is in love. it’s clear. he’s fallen in love with him. he is this wide-eyed, open kid that fell in love with a senior. and jaewon has just messed with his head, he’s never been clear, and you can’t expect jihyun to just get past that bc he knows something is up with jaewon. he can’t know the full story, but even if he did, that can’t be a reason or a justification to be treated the way jaewon treats him. bc we’re all about jaewon putting himself first and doing what he wants and respecting himself like that, but jihyun deserves that too. and it’s such a fine line to tread when you know someone is going through something, bc again you understand why, but you’re still the one being treated that way. like we talk about jaewon’s trauma, but here jihyun was part of it, he went through that traumatic experience. he’s the one that nearly lost his life. and yes, he appears to handle it well, and no matter to what extent that’s true or not, you can’t not look at jaewon struggling and understand it and then not look at jihyun with that same understanding. it’s not about comparing trauma and pain and deciding who is suffering more, it’s seeing that there are two people in this, and they’ve both been affected, so we should give them the same level of understanding.

and that’s something jaewon has to see. that his self-preservation is selfish. that his destructive behavior doesn’t just affect jihyun, instead it feels pointed and directed, bc every way jaewon hurts himself hurts jihyun. and it comes bc jihyun was so much of what was good about jaewon’s life for a second, so attacking that is his only form of self-sabotage. he can’t mess up his relationship with his friends or parents bc they were broken in the first place, and he can’t sabotage his future bc it’s already been ruined the moment he didn’t pursue his photography major. him nearly getting kicked out of school affected him so little not just bc he wanted that punishment, but bc even that punishment meant so little to him. all these things are established and they already contribute to his suffering. removing jihyun from his life is the only active thing he can do to make himself feel worse, and he can veil it in an act of protection, and even feel like he’s doing the right thing, but that deceives them both into believing this is done from a good place, when no good can actually come of it. in trying to protect jihyun, you hurt him more. in trying to hurt yourself, you hurt him too. and when someone is in a headspace like jaewon is, you look for that thing that’ll break through. bc he is so distant, he’s trying to remove himself from reality, and jihyun needs to act as this person that can anchor him to it. when you’re trying to isolate and separate yourself, sometimes seeing that you still affect things, that there’s a persons that exists that is affected and hurt by your actions, and no matter how you try to cut yourself off, you cannot stop that, separating yourself still hurts them, maybe that’s a thing that can get through. but that’s something that depends on jaewon. ultimately, he’s the only one that can get himself out of this place, and that’s what makes it so hard, that no matter how much jihyun cares and how much he fights for him, nothing can come of that effort is jaewon doesn’t meet him there. and it’d be so easy for jihyun to give in, to take the hurt, but over the course of this show we’ve seen the strength jihyun has developed, which has only seemed to increase more so after the accident, call it a renewed vigor for life or something. he has the strength that jaewon doesn’t, to not let his pain consume him. and in a beautiful full-circle moment, it’s because of jaewon, bc when they first spoke he sparked in jihyun a want to be stronger, to be more than the country mouse, and he’s done it. and it’s that courage that means he can fight for jaewon, even in the face of rejection. he trusts himself and that he knows jaewon, the real jaewon, to see past words that are intended to hurt them both, and go after the person that’s still inside jaewon somewhere. no, he can’t do it for him, and no them being together is not some magical cure for jaewon, but it’s what can put him on a path of caring for himself again, and sometimes that has to start with caring about someone else (and suddenly I’m reminded of my beautiful man 2 and how kiyoi tries to break hira out of his worthless mindset by making him care about him, and how ultimately that can’t be enough, and that hira has to take those first steps of seeing his self worth by himself). what jihyun can do by fighting is again act as that tether to reality and try to be this representation of the good jaewon can be and do. bc look at jihyun, look at how confident and strong he has become, and look at how he got there, bc you saw that country mouse and gave him the time of day and helped him grow and gave him new experiences. you jaewon, you. and that shift in mindset, from jihyun representing hurt and the accident and the trauma of his brother and everything he can’t do, to being that light and refuge and everything he can do is again something that might breaks through. and the fact it has such narrative strength and satisfaction makes me hopeful that that’s what we might actually get.

[cr4yolaas]

fic authors self rec! ♡ when you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. let’s spread the self-love ♡

(I LOVE YOU RYE!! I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL <3 YOU ARE ACTUALLY THE COOLEST PERSON EVER OMG I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH I LITERALLY CANNOT TELL YOU ENOUGH HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOU AND I THINK YOU'RE SO COOL!! HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK I'M SENDING YOU SO SO MUCH LOVE <3)

HI NESS !! I LOVE U SO SO SO MUCH MORE !!!! ty for sending me this <3

melody of the moon — viktor (arcane)

this is suuuper old but this is my magnum opus. took me ~1 month to finish it and get it to a state that i wanted it at, but even now i’m still kinda iffy about it (as always). i remember rewriting the entire thing like 3 times and ranting about it to my friends who were very much not into viktor as much as i was at the time LOL. such a strenuous process but my favorite concept and storyline ever, even if i still cringe at it today

for lovers who hesitate — tsukishima kei

this one had all my favorite tropes (meeting each other again by chance/fate, academic rivals, and coworkers) and was a spur of the moment idea that i worked on over a super long and dreadful trip. it was so fun to work on though !! i’d definitely want to go more in depth on their story (imo it’d be soo good as an smau) but i have too many other things to work on 😖

blue spring — kageyama tobio

who would i be if blue spring wasn’t on here. my literal baby. the loml. i love blue spring sm and i loved working on it. i definitely wish i had as much inspiration as i did while making this bc literally nothinf was scripted — the tutoring was a last minute part (hence why i barely went into depth on it LOL) and so many of the scenes were random decisions that thankfully worked out !! (i hope). i love blue spring with all my heart and im so glad it received the love it did

the weight of words — alhaitham

another one that still kinda makes me cringe to look at, but i’m still proud of it. this was a very very rushed fic but i loved the idea of having alhaitham interact with someone who shares an affinity for quietude, but in a sense that they have to enjoy quietude (i hope that made sense). i’m probably not writing for genshin anymore, but this fic is seriously one of my favorites that i produced during that time <3

mezzo forte — iwaizumi hajime

this one is very very begrudgingly placed on here. i have a very very strained relationship with mezzo forte, mostly because i just lost inspiration for the story after i got to the plot point that motivated me to write the entire thing. however, i will say i love the vibes of mezzo forte more than anything <3 i’ll get to writing the ending sometime soon LOL

[vanishingstarrs]

pancakes for dinner

katsuki bakugo x nurse reader, pro hero era, established relationship, just soft and pure vibes, down bad bakugo aka my boyfie fr, slight smut at the end, NSFW, minors DNI

( guysss i’ve been so sick and i’ve been suffering having to work still bc #hispanic we ain’t eva allowed to call out :(( i’ve been wanting to write please please please x bakugo but haven’t had the energy, meantime hope y’all enjoy this little ficlet <3 just wholesome mushy stuff for y’all but then it turned smutty at the end because why not lol also i’m pretty new to writing explicitly so pls lmk how it came out !! )

You were exhausted.

Mentally and physically.

Work had been a tad overwhelming lately, with extra things being piled onto your already heavy workload after a big merger between two of Japan’s biggest hospitals, which in turn caused a lot of people to be let go. Not only had it been stressful wondering whether you’d make the cut or not after a “re-interview”, but when you learned that you had been accepted you’d also been asked if you could take on a few extra duties.

You had never been one to back down from work, always taking initiative and being happy to help any one of your coworkers that might need it.

Lately though, it seemed every single person needed help. Your coworkers, your patients, and if it wasn’t those two then it was your boss asking if you could help her with management duties that had nothing to do with the extra work you’d been assigned to do on top of everything else.

You were sick and tired.

Your muscles cried out as you pushed your apartment door open and immediately kicked off your shoes, groaning as you bent down in order to place them onto the shoe stand. You were sure you heard your back crack as you stood straight once more to hang your purse and keys.

You didn’t bother unpacking the lunch you never got time to eat, leaving the bag you packed it in tied up and in the fridge before heading into your bedroom and immediately shedding your scrubs. You hated doing skincare, but thought about how dirty your face must be after dealing with so many patients and dragged yourself into the bathroom to get it over with.

By the time you were finished doing everything, your body was begging you to lay down for just a minute.

A little power nap never hurt, you told yourself as you fell onto your bed face first and sighed. You hugged your pillow to your aching body and allowed yourself to relax for just a little while.

Though “a minute” quickly turned into three hours as the sun went down and the night sky pulled you further into dreamland.

You didn’t hear the front door open or close, you didn’t stir when your boyfriend started removing his hero equipment, much less wake when those heavy gauntlets he somehow wore all day hit the floor or when his pounding footsteps carried across the hardwood as he made his way to your shared bedroom to check on you.

You missed the brief smirk on his face as he found you lying on his side of the bed, on your right side with a leg propped up for comfort.

Katsuki knew how hard you’d been working lately with the merger between the two hospitals and how stressed it made you. With him working as a hero, he encountered many people that wound up needing to go to the hospital. On top of that, you also had all the other sick people that hadn’t been involved in some villain attack. You likely dealt and saved more people in a single day than he did in a month, he knew this, he was proud of the fact, actually, and incredibly proud of you.

He was damn lucky to have you.

And for all these reasons, he was happy to see you rest for a bit.

He’d often come home late and find that you’d already done all the cleaning around the house, as well as meal prep for both you and him, and still found the time to bake desert on top of making him dinner. You went above and beyond in all aspects of your life, often even calling and checking up on his parents when he hadn’t done so in too long. He’d receive texts from his mother scolding him and making sure he was taking good care of you the way she knew you did him, he swore you were the favorite and he understood why you were.

Everyone loved you.

He adored you.

Except he hadn’t been doing his part as well as he should be lately.

And so, while you slept, he quietly changed into some loungewear before carefully shutting the bedroom door closed behind him.

He tried his hardest to be quiet as he went around cleaning up throughout the house, he swept, he steam mopped the floors (and prayed he didn’t miss a spot), he did your laundry, took your work shoes and scrubbed them clean for your next workday, he took your old lunch and tossed it out before setting to work on preparing you something delicious for tomorrow.

Being in the kitchen was actually soothing for him, he liked being able to experiment with recipes and different things for you to try. He hated that he hadn’t made the time to recently. He cooked enough dinner to pack lunch for both you and him, then last minutely decided that you’d definitely want something sweet when you woke up and pulled out the ingredients to make pancakes from scratch.

You liked it best when you had pancakes for dinner, not breakfast.

He was extremely pleased when they turned out light and fluffy just the way you liked them and he set out to cut up some fruit for you to put on top, making sure everything was ready before heading back to your shared room.

Katsuki was less quiet this time around, as he slid into bed next to you. He propped himself up on his elbow as he buried his fingers into your hair and gently scratched your scalp.

You were exhausted, and likely wouldn’t have woken up if not for him leaning over and placing kisses from your neck all the way up to your ear. You felt his hot breath as he whispered for you to please wake up, which made you groan softly.

You’d yet to open your eyes, but who else would it be? You asked,“Katsuki?”

“Made you food, baby, c’mon, I saw you didn’t eat your lunch, you gotta put somethin’ in your belly.” He explained as he removed his hand from your hair and lifted the material of your shirt to rub up and down your stomach, you felt him inch closer to your chest before stopping himself and tugging your tank top back down to your waist.

You turned toward him, quickly finding the divet in between his shoulder and neck to plant your face in. You were barely awake, not really comprehending what he was trying to say.

“Missed you.” You relaxed further into him.

“Missed you so much, sweets.” You felt him kiss your forehead,“Hate to pull you from bed, but you really gotta open your eyes for me.”

You did as he asked, smiling as his face came into view, lit up by the soft light streaming in from the hallway. “Hi, honey.” You managed to get out as he smushed your cheeks (cuteness aggression) and placed three kisses onto your nose.

You grinned as he said hi back and repeated that he’d cooked for you.

You beamed, you hadn’t had his cooking in a while, but didn’t exactly make a move to get up from bed. It wasn’t until he revealed that he’d made you pancakes, that had you up in seconds.

He chuckled as he followed you down the hall, lightly smacking your butt as you happily made your way through the apartment. You turned to him with surprise,“You cleaned too?”

“Course.” He scoffed as he tugged on your hand and sat you down at your small table that sat four people max. “I’d do it more if you didn’t always beat me to everything, I was thinking I should be doing a bit more around here anyway.”

“I can handle it.” You said, like always.

He rolled his eyes as he brought over the plate he’d prepared for you.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t, I’m just saying you don’t have to give a hundred percent every day, you know? You could give me thirty and I’d be more than happy to give the remaining seventy.” He began to explain,“I wanna take care of you too, and that starts by you not doing everything.”

You silently watched him cut up your pancakes before placing some fruit onto them and drizzling maple syrup all over, he gave you tea to drink and pulled his chair closer to you while you ate.

He ran his fingers through your hair again as you told him all about your day before asking about his and what time he’d gotten home. He let you feed him a couple bites of food and you snagged a few extra kisses each time you lied and told him he had syrup on his face.

When you finished, he asked if you’d like a bit of real food, claiming he wanted you nice and full. You agreed, happy to eat what he’d prepared.

You were less tired now, satisfied with your belly full and sitting with your lover as he recalled a story about retrieving someone’s lost kitten in a tree. You laughed at the classic save and felt your mental load becoming lighter the more the minutes went on.

After eating, the pampering continued.

Katsuki demanded you allow him to run you a bath, and he quickly made the bathroom up with a few candles. He set up a movie for you to watch on your laptop as he came into the room with you and offered to wash your hair. You requested he get in with you then, and he obliged quickly, taking his time when it came to massaging his hands through your hair and pressing kisses against your back at every opportunity. He held you against his chest as you relaxed into him.

You honestly started to get sleepy again.

And then it was ripped away from you once more as Katsuki led you to bed, not to sleep, but to have you spread out against the mattress for him to plaster his tongue against you and demand he get his dinner now.

“Wanna take care of you.” He’d said.

He quickly had you squirming and writhing underneath his touch and the feel of his fingers inside as he worked you until completion. He sung you praises about how hard you’d been working lately, telling you how you deserved this and more, as well as making sure you knew how good you always did for him.

“One more, baby.” He begged.

One more turned into two then three, and by the time he finally lined himself up to your entrance you were spent. He worshipped your body, kneading your breasts and holding one of your hands back so you couldn’t hide how flushed your face had become from not just his compliments, but from the way he fucked you.

“Katsuki,” You moaned,“Close.” Again.

“Cum with me, baby, please.”

The movement of his hips was starting to get sloppy, but neither of you noticed through the haze. He whined in your ear as you latched onto his back with your hands and wrapped your legs around his waist, your walls squeezed him and he moaned one last time as he got lost in euphoria. He didn’t make a move to remove himself as he pressed his sweaty forehead against your own and kissed your cheek and then your neck and then your collarbone, making a line all the way down to your bellybutton.

He occupied himself with making sure you stayed awake despite your eyes being closed as you attempted to catch your breath, he sucked hard enough to leave a few marks along your chest and before you knew it you started to feel him become hard inside of you again.

Your eyes snapped open as you gave him a look.

Katsuki smirked as he rubbed your hip and stole your mouth briefly,“Gotta make sure you’re nice and full, baby, one more time f’me, please?”

“You’re insatiable.” You told him.

And yet, how could you say no to him when he looked at you that way?

It was a good thing you’d taken that nap earlier, especially now that your body would soon be aching for a different reason.

[illusioninfnty]

day 20 ; cock worship

↠ rafe cameron x reader

fandom: outer banks word count: 1.5k warnings: nsfw 18+, lots of dirty talk, mean!rafe, degradation, intoxicated sex, blowjob, possessiveness, maybe ooc rafe bc i have not actually seen the show

kinktober m.list || read on ao3

It was no secret to your closest friends that whenever you drank at parties, you got really horny. Go figure that out of all of your insanely wild friends, you would be the one who gets utterly humiliated by grinding up on random people. It was why you always volunteered to be the designated driver. Yet you couldn’t help but admit that the payoff was sometimes worth it.

But of course, one can never say no to Rafe Cameron. Your boyfriend had yet to see what you were like when you were drunk, and that only happened once he convinced one of your friends to steal your keys and give you more than a single drink.

“You taste so good, baby,” you whisper in Rafe’s ear, craning your neck to reach. The party at Topper’s house was probably at its peak, people from all over the island swarming the house in droves. But you don’t care about anyone else right now. You press sloppy kisses on your boyfriend’s neck, sucking hickeys in certain spots. Your hands run down his sides, stopping at his ass to give it a squeeze.

It was clear that your boyfriend also had quite a bit to drink, his cheeks were flushed and his always tense body had relaxed ever so slightly.

As your kisses get more heated and you begin to grind on him, Rafe raises an eyebrow and looks down at you, removing your wandering hands from his bottom and placing them higher on his waist. 

“What’s gotten into you?”

Your hands turn their focus to his chest, caressing it, and you look up at him with slow blinks as a sly smirk crosses your face.

“Hopefully you, later.”

Rafe’s eyes narrow at your comment, and he lets out a faint laugh. He pushes against you until your body is up against a kitchen cabinet away from most of the other party guests.

“You're acting like a little slut today, aren’t you?” He grasps you by the chin, forcing your gaze onto him. With his other hand he presses into your hip bone, forcing them to still. You whine at the loss of contact.

Perceptive as ever, Rafe notices your problem and sighs mockingly. “Guess I’m gonna have to treat you like one too.”

He pulls you out of the kitchen and up the staircase, ignoring the hoots and hollers of those who notice you two leaving.

He tugs you into the first room you come across—a bedroom, no surprise. It’s definitely not Topper's; the setup and color scheme is a simple pale beige, much too classy for a guy like him.

Rafe shuts the door behind you as you go to grab his neck and pull him down for a kiss. He stops you, grasping the back of your head to restrain you. 

“Baby,” you draw out as you lock your fingers behind his neck. “Let me make you feel good.” He shakes his head at your failed attempt to appease him.

“If you really want to make me feel good, then get on your knees.”

You eagerly comply.

Now eye level with his crotch, you can see the tent that was straining against his shorts. Without being prompted to, you push him down onto the bed as you begin to undo the button and zip on his cargo shorts and tear down his boxers. His hard cock bounces from its confines and you grasp it, practically drooling at the sight. Precum is already beading at the head, and you press a finger to it, pulling away to see it follow you in a long strand. Rafe moves his hand to the back of your head, guiding your motions.

“I’ve missed your cock,” you moan out. You trail kisses up and down the length, mimicking what you were doing to your boyfriend’s neck just minutes ago. Rafe hisses above you with the sudden contact, and you squeeze him ever so slightly. Your other hand trails to his balls, fondling them. “I’ve been missing these, too.”

Rafe’s hips jerk involuntarily. “Fuck baby, you’re always so good to me. You love my cock, don’t you?” As you glance up at him, you see that his eyes are already on you. They darken as they meet your own, and you could feel your cheeks heating up with the intensity of his stare. The sight of your boyfriend’s enjoyment makes you only want to pleasure him harder.

“I do,” you coo, giving the head of his cock a single, long lick, flattening your tongue on the surface. He groans and the grip he has on your hair tightens.

The sensation has your heart racing, and you moan loudly against Rafe’s cock, catching his attention. He sneers at you from above.

“I bet you’re fucking soaked down there, huh? Am I gonna feel your pussy all wet if I stick my fingers in it?”

Your pussy throbs at his demeaning words, begging for attention. But all that matters to you right now is Rafe, so you hum in agreement at his words and focus on his length.

“Don’t care about that right now.” Your words begin to slur, practically cock drunk as you nuzzle into him. “Only care about you.”

That sends him into a spiral. His nostrils flare and he slaps his cock against your cheek, keeping your head in place. 

You chase his warmth, hands touching whatever they can with your limited sight. His balls feel heavy in your hand, and you so desperately wished that Rafe would let you do more than just touch.

He pulls you away from his cock and tilts your head up. He’s panting as much as you are, the red in his cheeks harsher than before. His arousal practically mirrors your own, and the thought of how much he wanted you in that moment makes your body ache all over.

“Get to sucking, slut.”

Your wish is finally granted and you enthusiastically swallow his cock, gagging on the long shaft in the process. Your throat burns and your eyes water, but all you can think about is the heaviness of it on your tongue, the salty precum coating the inside of your mouth. Your vision goes blurry from the tears that leave your eyes yet you can only moan at the feeling of it.

“Feel so good, babe.” Rafe’s praise is surprising and it causes you to suck him harder, taking him deeper into your throat. He hisses at the sensation. “This mouth was made for me. It’s all mine, right?”

You release him with a pop to answer him. “Only yours, Rafe.” 

His eyes narrow and a dark chuckle leaves his lips. “Say it again.”

Your heart is racing in your chest and your pussy aches with need. You thrust in the air against nothing, silently begging for some sort of release. Rafe’s words stir up carnal need within you.

“Only yours!”

“Better fucking be.”

He jerks his hips back up and you take him in your mouth again. You bob up and down his shaft furiously, desperate to give him some pleasure. The remaining length that doesn’t fit in your mouth is taken into your hands, fondled and stroked as your full attention remains on his cock.

There isn’t a single part of Rafe that isn’t being worshiped by you. Drool leaves your mouth as you hum against his cock, refusing to let it go. It feels hot in your mouth and you try to take it even deeper, your gag reflex mildly suppressed by the amount of times you’ve already tried this with him.

“Fuck yeah,” he jeered. “My little cock whore has to get her whole fill, ain’t that right?”

You whimper instinctually, the possessive growl in his voice practically making a puddle form beneath you. Rafe’s words egg you on and you take him all the way to the base, nose hitting his pubic hair. You can feel him twitching, nearing his end and that only makes you work harder. You move your head even faster, swirling your tongue all along his length.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Rafe pulls you off of his cock as his cum releases all over you, the sticky liquid splashing onto your face and dripping down your chest. You sweep a finger across some that landed on your cheek and put it in your mouth, swirling it around. The taste is so familiar, so him. You moan at it, smiling up at him. You relish in the sensation of him all over you.

Rafe leans back panting with a matching grin. His pupils are dilated and his cheeks are flushed; if he looks like that, you don’t even want to imagine the shape that you’re in right now. He caresses the back of your head and you nuzzle into his thigh, mumbling an I love you that you’re not quite sure he hears.

Rafe’s eyes gleam as he smirks down at you.

“God damn, babe. You gotta start drinking more at parties.”

[electric-friend]

listen i know the whole “ed did nothing wrong”/“killing and maiming his his coping mechanism uwu” thing is a super silly joke lol and even i found it funny but it’s kinda just pissing me off.

i just hate that they never really properly resolved ed resorting to violence when he’s upset and that he never really takes accountability for his actions onscreen. and when the side of the fandom that takes no issue at all with the way seeason two was presented makes jokes that show they’re like aware of the vibes they just don’t care bc they hold characters they don’t like and characters they do like to entirely different standards. it’s just annoying lol.

like listen. yeah. ed’s my special little babygirl princess haha i love him. but like. i feel like it’s also ignoring the fact that the violence is actually bad for ed’s mental health and we know this and it’s canonically established.

the same people who make “ed did nothing wrong” jokes literally call people who do the same to izzy bad people. not all of them but like the people aligned with that Side of the fandom.

like first of all we know that canonically though ed’s capable of violence it’s not good for him. that’s a huge part of his character, that he doesn’t want to be Blackbeard. so the jokes ur making leave your favourite character unhappy anyway? and if you’re going to talk like that about ed then why is it a CRIME to do the same about izzy?

i think i’m just kinda annoyed bc people act like if you’re critical of the way the writing failed to give ed a great redemption arc it’s because you’re a racist idiot blind with love for izzy, but in fact, you can remove izzy from the equation entirely and it still sucks because it sucks for ed’s character that his arc was so confusing and we left him in such an uncertain place as a character.

listen, i don’t exactly advertise this bc i feel like people won’t understand, but i’ve been through a lot of trauma, and at times in my life when that’s been a lot fresher for me, i’ve had really serious issues with anger and aggression and lashing out. i think that’s why i connected with izzy and i think it’s why i connected with ed so strongly but also found it so hard to watch the first couple episodes of the second season.

and coming from that place, with that perspective, when i talk about ed being abusive towards izzy and the narrative not being resolved, i am NOT hating on ed and cancelling ed and saying ed is an evil person. what i’m saying is that ofmd s2 took on a really, really complex and serious and intense subject matter, and then the writing failed to carry the weight of that. i love ed, and i feel like his character was let down by us not seeing him clearly express that he’s holding himself accountable for his actions on-screen, or even seeing him healing in relation to his violent impulses that come from his trauma. his killing spree in the finale was really odd in terms of his overall arc and is honestly what threw it all off the most for me. like it’s obvious that scenes regarding ed’s apologies and forgiveness from the crew are supposed to have happened and we maybe just didn’t see all of it, because the season was rushed due to the screen time. but a lot of it is also just poor decisions in the writing and the way ed’s storyline is laid out in the final cut.

to me, saying that ed’s arc was beautiful and perfect and it’s wrong to criticise it or to acknowledge the severity of his mistakes and actions isn’t a form of loving ed. it’s a way of saying you’d rather ed actually not take steps towards healing, just because you want to pretend he didn’t do anything wrong in the first place so you can feel like the better person in the conversation. to me, the people who say ed did no wrong are expressing that they actually don’t love ed.

i mean it’s not that deep, it’s all fictional, but i wish people would look beyond their predisposition to condemning criticism of something they like, and see that there’s a lot of heart, and a lot of really personal experience and real-world context behind the arguments people are making, and that other opinions about the writing in s2 are worth listening to even if they make you uncomfortable at first.

[monkeytrick]

ausuweiueuiwqiu12

Sorry I pretty much only make posts like this rn and thnaks to everyone who reads them this is like. So much. But I’ve been freaking out so much lately bc I’m in a much better albeit temporary living situation than I’ve ever been in but I feel like I’m like. Genuinely way too depressed and scared to actually do anything since getting here. Which like I guess I can sorta defend bc I’m recovering from previous situation but I also kinda just feel like it’s how I’d be behaving regardless ☹️I got hired for a job at least but I’ve spent like every day I’ve been here essentially jsut pacing around and then getting really drunk and/or high to avoid thinking about any of the shit I actually need to do and then going to sleep at like 5 am. And I feel so much worse about it bc everyone here actually has been really kind and helpful about trying to help me get things on track but I feel like I’m just unable to do anything I need to do unless I have someone watching and helping me the entire time and I don’t want to put anyone in that position. I am basically like not speaking to anyone at all rn except for the people I live with and a select few internet friends and I have so much shit piling up on here and from people I knew irl in Wisconsin that I just haven’t answered at all. Ptsd symptoms have been getting worse since I first got kicked out and a little before I left for here I was regularly having days where I’d get like genuinely triggered in the most clinical sense from things I can’t really remove from my life and it would lead to me freaking the fuck out and fear vomiting and beyond that I’ve been so stressed that I just can’t eat anything at all without throwing up a lot of the time. I tried looking up if that particularly could be related to ptsd and I found so many people being like ‘yeah that’s a symptom I get it just never went away ever and I lost 80 pounds’ which scared me so fucking bad — I have some solace bc I don’t think it’ll be like that for me, since I got here it’s been like. Ebbing and flowing and I’ve had some days like that but some days where I’m like insanely fucking ravenous for no reason. Which makes me hope so fucking bad it’ll eventually go away but vomiting or getting nauseous being my response to so many things is making me so upset bc i already have really fucked up teeth and I know it’s damaging them so much more I am incredibly close to reaching the point where my upper teeth are just straight up all going to be actively rotting which I feel so disgusting and ashamed of talking about but I don’t know what I can even do to prevent it at this point unless I just full on get dentures or something. I know they’re like. Very obviously snd visibly fucked and I think people are generally polite about it but I feel like it impacts every interaction I have with people irl and all this happening is making me so much more insane and insecure about it. I had multiple really awful ptsd scary days consecutively like immediately after getting here which like, I kind of was prepared for bc I know it can actually get worse when you’re in a safer place but I didn’t expect it to hit so hard so fast and I’m afraid of it continuing to get worse. I’m literally like. In a better place than I have been since I was a small child basically and a MUCH better place than I was immediately before coming here and I’m trying really hard to remind myself of that but it’s so hard to like register anything at all other than being like fuck I need to die they need to kill me etc. I hope so bad I can take the steps to just like get my life together and hopefully get medicated for shit but it just feels so hard for now to exist and be alive at all I wish they could put me in a tube that would give me nutrients or something man

[dappledpaintbrush]

wow, looks like you can do an essay about Dimentio.

What do you think of the other characters?

For me in "short"

Tippi: The protagonist of the story and got her happy ending, I came to miss her presence after the end.

Count Bleck: Definitely one of Mario's best written villains. I cry.

Nastasia: I was in her place, I empathized a lot with her and sometimes I wish she would return in other stories.

O'chunks: I was surprised by her story, I didn't expect that background, for me he is a himbo in a good way. A good guy.

Mimi: I can't say the same with Mimi, a little disappointed, but at least there are headcanons.

Mr. L: Definitely wasted potential, I would have liked to see more with the other minions. It's weird if I got a penny for every time Luigi is hypnotized into being an enemy I'd have two cents, which isn't much but it's weird that it happens twice.

Dimentio: It's thanks to him that I have an obsession with Jesters, he managed to do what Bowser couldn't with just a snap of his fingers. Terrifying, I hope one day we see it again.

OMG YAYAYAYAYAY IVE BEEN WANTING THIS ASK

Okay so. I’ll try not to make this unbearably long. But this game is my special interest so. I apologize in advance. (I turned off reblogs bc reblogging asks removes the read more) (and it’s gonna clog people’s feed) (this IS unbearably long) (I Failed)

Tippi:

Omg I miss Tippi too :( it feels so weird playing the game without her.

Tippi is so . so interesting. All of the characters are interesting, but I especially love the way she’s written. I love how they were able to nail that she’s gentle and caring, but also firm and not about to put up with anybody’s bullshit. To me, that’s hard to write without it feeling disengenuine, and they pulled it off with Tippi VERY well. A particular line of hers I really like is, “Perhaps...my life would have been more carefree without you, that is true,” in response to Blumiere’s, “But I have caused you so much suffering..." She didn’t immediately console him. She told him the truth, as harsh as it was. Idk, that scene had just always stuck out to me. It’s not a line I expected to be written.

I wish her unexplained teleportation powers were. Explained. But that doesn’t really mess up her character so it’s okay. However. I hate how she developed a crush on Mario. I’ve always hated it. I like to pretend it’s not real LMAO. But then again, it can be interpreted in a deeper way- that she didn’t actually have a crush on Mario and she was merely projecting onto him. Her memory was flooding back to her and she was in a very vulnerable situation after all. Projecting those feelings for an, at the time, unknown individual onto Mario makes sense.

I love Tippi dude she rocks she’s my favorite forever and ever and ever

-

Count Bleck:

where do I even begin on Count Bleck good lord. One of Nintendo’s best villains even outside of the Mario franchise. God he’s so fucking good.

I wish it was more clear whether or not he was planning on erasing Team Bleck from existence as well. Whether or not he was going to do that that impacts his character HEAVILY. Him wanting all worlds to end but sparing the people who cared about him really helps his “redemption” and helps us have more sympathy for him. Unfortunately it’s not directly touched on outside of that one thing Dimentio said, but. It’s Dimentio LMFAOOO we can’t trust him. I personally lean more towards Bleck was going to betray the team just given the evidence about it. I yapped a lot about my reasoning IN A POST I CANT FIND. It had a bunch of screenshots and stuff and I can’t. Fucking. Find it. Oh well I guess that’s just GONE ❤️

Despite this I feel like it’s important to address Bleck with nuance. I don’t think he intentionally planned on betraying his team. I think he genuinely loved them. But he was so caught up in the Dark Prognosticus and the Void and Timpani and ultimately BEING this Count Bleck character the book spoke of that he felt like there was no way out of it anymore. This is supported by the fact he tried to fight Mario in the final battle despite knowing Timpani was still alive. It’s clear Blumiere had completely lost himself, as if he forgot why he was doing this in the first place and let Count Bleck take over (note: I mean this in a symbolic/psychological sense; I don’t believe the book was controlling him). It’s only when he’s on his death bed that he realizes he does not have to do this.

I put redemption in quotation marks because. I don’t think he was redeemed. Granted he didn’t have enough time to do anything, but to be honest, I don’t think he or any other member of Team Bleck is redeemable (before anybody comes at me with the lament au/ajl, THE POINT IS THAT DIMENTIO IS NOT REDEEMABLE NO MATTER HOW HARD HE TRIES!! YOU CANNOT REDEEM THE EXTERMINATION OF LIFE ITSELF!!!)

Also he’s a goofy guy. He’s just a dad

Thoughts thoughts THOUGHTS THOUGHTS THOUGHTS

-

Nastasia:

NASTASIA COME BACK TO ME. God I wish they kept her emo hair strand.

Her character is so. so sad (I feel like I’ve said that sentence forty seven times, this game is MISERABLE). I love her so much. I love her confidence, I love how she doesn’t take bullshit from anyone, I love how much she loves. It makes me so fucking sad how depressed she remains long after Blumiere’s sacrifice. Like, we don’t know how much time passed between the ending of the game and Mario returning (when you boot up the save file again, Merlon states that it has been a while since he’s seen Mario). It explains why Mimi and O’Chunks seem fine (I’m sure they’re not fine, but I mean it explains why they were able to have a “normal” conversation with Mario and co.), but Nastasia is still so heartbroken.

Of course that is to be expected, and I’m glad Nintendo didn’t make everything all sunshine and rainbows ooo we’re all happy now etc, even IF a long time has passed. It makes total sense that there are repercussions to experiencing a traumatic event and Nastasia portrays it well (for a Mario game). In her epilogue dialogue, her hope for better days is shallow. It’s fake. She shows how she truly feels and immediately backtracks (“I guess I should be happy... I mean, I am, but, um...”). She still wants to put on that confident and secure exterior, but it’s not working. She will always love Blumiere, and she will always miss him. I hope she finds happiness one day, too. She deserves to live her own life.

-

O’Chunks:

O’CHUNKS IS SO UNDERRATED. FUCK

I know I’m contributing to this I barely post about him but lord he’s so interesting. I know the Japanese and English translation tell different versions of his backstory, but I really like the English version where Blumiere manipulated him in his extremely depressed state to join him. It gives more layers to Blumiere’s character- the lengths he was willing to go to get this job done, lengths that he would have never gone to before losing Timpani (and himself).

O’Chunks has one of the most unforgiving backstories in the whole games and it’s rarely talked about. He was a fucking COMMANDER OF AN ARMY and the whole game he’s just played off as some dumb brute/comic relief. I actually believe he suffered some kind of brain damage from that final battle, explaining his eyes, his struggle to speak properly, and his overall behavior. Also, the fact one of his most trusted advisors betrayed him mirrors his relationship with Dimentio. JUST. GOD . RIPS HAIR OUT. I wouldn’t blame him if he never trusted anybody again after the events of the game. But he clearly has a heart of gold beneath that rough exterior, so I doubt that mindset would come to pass

Also I know it’s not this deep like at All but . Regarding O’Chunks and his backstory, the last war fought in Scotland was the Battle of Culloden in 1746. The Scots lost that battle too, so it fits O’Chunks backstory. It’s funny to imagine he’s hundreds of years old and he just Stopped Aging once he joined the “Mario Dimension” for lack of a better term LMAO. Side note, I also believe Blumiere lost Timpani centuries ago- especially considering the Ancients are extinct by the time the game takes place (although I’ve heard it’s possible Blumiere murdered the entire Tribe of Darkness? but that’s ambiguous) (and my feelings on it would be another yapping session so I’ll shut up for now). It just took THAT long to get the criteria for the Void met. So it’s interesting to think of the concept that O’Chunks and Blumiere have known each other for THAT long. Probably why he sent O’Chunks out to fight the heroes first. He trusted him the most. But then again, I know the game did not intend for O’Chunks to be born in the 1700s lol. Like I said it’s just interesting for me :3

-

Mimi:

MIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMI!!!! MY GIRL!!!!

I agree with you- her backstory is disappointing compared to characters like O’Chunks and Dimentio. But at the same time I enjoy the unknown. After all, she is the embodiment of mystery. Her whole shtick is mimicking. You never know if a character is truly themselves or it’s a copy (I mean, you do- her mannerisms are obvious- but still lmao)- hell, even SHE canonically loses herself sometimes in her mimics. But even then, I wish we knew more about her. AND I WISH THE CONCEPT OF HER BEING A FAILED PIXL WAS TALKED ABOUT MORE? WHAT??????? HELLO????? REMINDERRRR that you can’t just go about making Pixls. That was a practice for the Ancients, and the ONLY reason Merlon could do it is because he is a descendant of the Ancients with a shit ton of their books. How old is Mimi? How much has she seen? If she’s centuries or even thousands of years old- depending on how long ago you think the Ancients died out- what was she doing this whole time??? LIKE HELLO!!! MIMI!! SPEAK TO ME!!!!

I love love LOVE LOVE LOVE how she can be used as a parallel to the Pixl Queen in regards to Dimentio. Dimentio and Mimi have a sibling dynamic to me, and the story potential considering Dimentio’s biological sister got turned into a Pixl and. Yk. Mimi could possibly be a failed Pixl. Is INSANE and I WISH it was used more because holy shit it has so much potential.

I like to believe the Pixl Creator (aka Dimentio’s father imo) created Mimi even if there’s no evidence JUST LET ME HAVE THIS but I also made a post maybe a year ago that theorized Francis’ ancestors created Mimi. I don’t think it’s really recognized that Francis CREATED A PIXL WITHOUT MAGIC. Yk that spell that requires the magic of the Dark Prognosticus? Yeah just forget that shit I said earlier about Non-Ancients not being able to just go out and make a Pixl, because apparently this fuckass Redditor did it. Anyways. Tipton is a robot. Mimi is a robot. I rest my case (loud applause) (people throw roses at me)

-

I already made posts about Mr. L and Dimentio, so I won’t ramble anymore here :3 But in regards to what you said YEAH . Mr. L could’ve been so much more it’s genuinely painful. And Dimentio is fucking terrifying. I honestly like to believe he did genuinely nuke the protagonists and the game only said he merely teleported them because saying “Mario’s dead like for real” is probably something Nintendo didn’t want to put in their game. I mean come on- he used the explosion attack that causes actual damage in battle. They died LMOAOOAOA. I hope we see both of them again. I was hoping so BADLY for even a glimmer of Mr. L in the Mario movie-like a mask/bandana hanging out of a drawer cameo or something. BUT ITS OKAY GUYS 😁😁😁😁😁😁 (visibly shaking) (teeth chattering) (is missing patches of hair on my head) (rocking back and forth)

[monobmp]

No I completely understand… there’s a lot that could be done with canon that could be really interesting… and I know exactly what ur talking about when it comes to the awkward social interaction margarita LIKE ITS SO PAINFUL IN A GOOD WAY sinks my teeth into them and shakes them around. I think why Bill is so out of pocket with the kids is that they don’t have as much uhh how do u say it.. like they’re kids and no one outside of the know would believe them.. but also like they don’t have the adult brains that go “I’m just gonna ditch this and run as far away as possible” if that makes sense??? Like an adult typically has much more resources. I think Bill was also just genuinely invested in keeping up appearances at first and see how far he could sink his claws into Ford… I always thought that Bill would have a very far removed POV on human socialization and use it like a reference guide on how and what buttons to push, which is really fun bc my major uses a similar perspective to examine human social behaviors

Also I understand the Ford dislike bc I’ve been down bad for him since middle school but dear god he’s an asshole basically for the entirety of the show. Legitimately the only person he’s consistently nice to is Mabel, which to me is interesting when you put that next to his interactions w/ Dipper before weirdmageddon. I suppose it clarifies that he doesn’t really have any disdain for people who aren’t like him, just some really outdated beliefs. But it’s ok I can fix him

There is!!! It's just I'm not really much of a writer though, unfortunately, I love consuming the content, but it's hard to think of suitable content yourself 😔 it's tough 😭😭😭

And YEAH that honestly makes sense. It's giving "I'm the creature your parents warn you about if you don't brush your teeth before going to bed" but no physical harm, maybe just trauma though.

And Bill keeping up the "muse" appearance 💕💕💕💕💕 I still find it crazy Ford calls him "My Muse" and had all that Bill memorabilia 😭 ALSO I really like the idea of him using memories as a reference guide for human socialization, even if he doesn't fully get it. I love it a lot actually, I love learning an outsiders perspective on understanding human mannerisms and dissecting the deeper meaning of it. Like sure he's a little freak in a human POV that aligns dead rats into Ford's name for his birthday, but that means a lot to Bill in his own way, right? Smiles

I DON'T HATE FORD ANYMORE, I'm no longer a young idiot that didn't have the concept of media literacy and can understand more on why Ford was so mean </3 but also he was like, gone from human civilization for 30+ years and was being chased by a triangle for that entire time. Just give grandpa some time to get adjusted again 😊

[just-patchy]

C for the alphabet soup ask ? :)

Thanks for the ask! :3c for my sanity sake I’ll be sticking with my twst ocs, though I’ve also included my wip babies (and breaking my own rules of reserving my wna girls for my wna blog bc i don’t talk about them enough www)

Cetus Larimar

3rd year in Octavinelle and I made him only bc i wanted a whale shark merfolk oc. He’s a big boi and a little pookie. I’m not sure if I ever posted his UM but he does have one according to my drafts, it’s just nameless bc I couldn’t think of a name yet.

Shi Canlong

3rd year of my WIP fandorm Qilin, was the former dorm head until Yanque (2nd year, current dorm head) fought him for the position and won. He’s adopted and raised in a strict family so he’s actually pretty hard-working, he’s just also an arrogant lil shit (lol). I like to think of him as a bit of an honest guy

Calla Megrez

2nd year in Monarchia WNA (Az’s fanschool). I ended up developing her quite a bit in terms of trivia because it was really fun to do a “wild child” character. I also did a Black Clover AU for her because of it (the “wild child” aspect) since hierarchy and social class is a major theme in Black Clover, I thought it would be interesting to see how someone who’s generally rather removed from such social classes (due to being a bit of a societal outcast) would function.

Celestia Vikare

1st year WIP in Kriegskald and based off of Icarus! She’s a child genius who got into WNA early (13) and is basically a lil shit www a very typical ore-sama type character who gets super defensive when criticised but if you praise her it’ll go straight to her head (lol). She just does whatever she wants so she’s always getting in trouble

Clair Moreau

Vice dorm head of Lyrania (my fanschool WOA) and based off of the violin princess from Music Land. He’s canonically shipped with Lula (dorm head and based off of the alto saxophone prince) and is gnc. He’s generally pretty reserved but also a bit of a violin/strings instrument freak (specifically the actual strings. He likes pressing on those). I think I named him after the Clair de Lune?

Calixto Fynderne

2nd year based off of Narcissus, originally for Key’s fanschool PSU but like idk what to do with him lol, he’s neighbours with Lauren (WNA girl based off of Echo) and was her first crush but didn’t work out. Since most of his parasocial fans are girls his age, he’s not very good with women. His favourite food is also not disclosed for related reasons. He’s an awkward kid who loves himself much more than others, but you just need a lot of patience and maybe a bit of masochism to get him to open up www

Cosmo Dorado

1st year for Lizz’s fanschool DIE and based off of the Grizzly Gulch in HK Disneyland. He’s a very happy-go-lucky (emphasis on lucky) kid and honestly I almost had Komaeda in mind while I was making him because his talent is luck (except he doesn’t have the luck cycle that Komaeda does, he’s more like Naegi, though I also based him off of Uno from Nanbaka and unintentionally Orias from Iruma). Another problematic kid that does whatever tf he wants, but he looks up to the dorm head :3c

Claude Avenant

Music teacher and residential manipulative hag of NRC based off of Maestro Forte. Formerly a bigshot in classical music but retired and currently teaching as a bit of a hobby. I think I gave him a cane because Maestro Forte as an organ is bolted to the wall, so a human twisted from him would probably have mobility issues? It probably would have made more sense to make him paralysed to some extent but Maestro Forte is basically part of the room he was in because of all the stuff that’s connected so like???? The only thing that moves is his face and keys???? I don’t know man

Callista Lebeau

Librarian/Teacher at WNA and based off of Belle/Beauty (both Disney and original version). I think I had something I wanted to plan between her and Vargas due to their inspos but it’s been so long I forgor. According to age-old discord messages her sisters are like, guest teachers at WNA from time to time because ✨plot devices✨

[seattlekrakenyaoi]

ok plotbuilding question you mentioned that matty got really close to asking for help and ultimately didn’t. was there a specific teammate he was trying to ask?? or was it more like a person of opportunity where there was an opening in conversation and he was like i could say something rn but i think i will not actually. bc both are devastating to me like on one hand being like “okay i can do this i can DO THIS i trust this one person 100% and i can absolutely ohhhhhhh actually i can’t do this” is sad but also being like “i could really just . say it. ask for help rn. the opportunity is there i just can’t make myself say it” is sad version 2

honestly i’ve written it as him trying to ask yanni and then eberle and he can’t make himself do either . but i think the idea of like… both of them giving him lots of opportunities to ask and nudging him and like . going . wink wink nudge nudge saying you know we have a TEAM NESTING SESSION SOON we need to plan that . very loudly . and matty is just like . haha cool guys 👍 wish that was me a little bit. have fun and then later at home he’s like …. oh my god i fucked it up forever . he’s just so far removed that when it comes up he just doesn’t even know when he’s being offered or how to respond . it’s not like an instinctual response it’s something he has to think about hard so he misses all the cues :(

[letthemusicmoveyou28]

hi brittney!

re: your post about getting stuck at certain parts while you’re trying to write, it’s actually crazy timing bc i was genuinely just thinking about this!! i struggle so much with the “transitional” parts of fics that get you from one scene to the next. my mind wants to write from start to finish, too, but i’ve found it helpful to sometimes throw that ‘rule’ out the window and just write what you can, where you can, when you can.

sometimes you just need to say ‘screw it. that’s a problem for future me.’ & add a little ‘come back to later’ note at the part you feel stuck at and move on. (honestly, one of my current wips has zero connection from scene to scene rn but i know that if i let myself get too hung up on the parts i feel stuck at, i’ll never finish it.) i’ve found it a lot easier to work thru the tricky parts after you’ve gotten all the main ideas that are floating around in your head out and on paper. it’s not always going to flow the way we want it to, but the beauty of writing is that you can always change/remove/add to it. what’s important is getting it out of your head while the inspiration is there— that’s how you get the most authentic, natural story, i find!

i really dont know if this was helpful in the slightest (and i mean. take this all with a grain of salt bc i struggle with this a lot so clearly i dont have a perfect solution lmao) but if it wasn’t, maybe just knowing you’re not the only one is comforting??

just dont give up! you can do it!! <33

Hi June!

First of all, it is so nice to hear I’m not the only one struggling with this! At least we’re in it together 😊

I have tried to just write what’s in my head out of order, but I still usually have a hard time with it. I’m going to try adding the ‘come back to it’ note. I think that might help my brain feel more organized!

I think I’m also just going to try to word vomit and edit later. We’ll see how that goes haha!

THANK YOU for the inspiration and encouragement! I appreciate you 🫂 🥰

Sending you good writing vibes too! ✨😊

[xiaq]

Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

[sleeping-on-cracking-ice]

Hello, my request is for Niragi ✨ Y/N was popular in high school and always protect him when he was bully. When they saw each other in Bordeland, she saw how much he changed and keep her distance from him (which he hates), and she have an attitude that make one of the militants wants to attack her but Niragi protect her like she did with him bc he would never admit her but she's his only weakness

Yessss I’ve actually been wanting to write something for Niragi that sounds very similar so I’m glad you requested this! Thanks so much! 💕

You’re Everything You Once Hated | Suguru Niragi

PART 1 | PART 2

{Alice In Borderland Masterlist}

Character(s): Niragi (ft. The guys that bullied Niragi, Ann, Hatter, OC’s)

Summary: You and Niragi were best friends in high school. When you arrive in the Borderlands, you notice he’s not the person he used to be, causing you to avoid him. But unfortunately, he’s not happy about it.

Warnings: swearing, bullying, smoking, drinking, violence, threatening, bullet wounds, implications of sexual assault

Word Count: 7.1k

*reader is female

Niragi gif credit

4 Years Earlier…

The young boy grunted out in pain, having been hit with another rock right between his eyes. This one managed to crack his glasses, making his vision go all distorted.

His classmates around him roared with laughter. His heart filled with both anger and sorrow, wanting nothing more than to dissolve into the wind and out of his current situation.

“Aww, little Niragi has become quiet. Where’s those sarcastic remarks from earlier, they seemed to have left you,” his attacker mocked, adding a mean tone to his voice.

Just the usual. ‘Maybe they might end their target practice with me earlier today,’ he hoped.

He had grown used to it. He now expected to be dragged under the bridge each day on his way home from high school, being pushed around and roughed up. It’s not like he could’ve defended himself anyway. It was six guys against one, he never had a chance.

A short jab to the back of his neck broke him out of his thoughts. He groaned and doubled over, feeling as he was going to throw up. “Come on Niragi, fight back! It’s no fun when you just stand there,” the blonde student complained, striding over to the weakened boy. He gave him a quick kick to his side, making him fall on his hip harshly.

“Fuck off,” Niragi groaned under his breath, half hoping his tormentor didn’t hear it. But unfortunately, the small remark reached his ears.

“What was that? Did you just try to defend yourself? You’re going to have to use a lot more than just a few words you fucking loner,” the boy poked, giving Niragi another harsh kick to his stomach, making him become winded and choke on air.

He laid there taking their harsh words and hearing their mocking laughter ring in his ears. What did he ever do to deserve that?

“Hey Haru!”

The blonde turned his attention from his target to the direction of the voice that called his name. There you stood, by yourself with no one else. You obviously didn’t think the situation through before throwing yourself into it. You remained near the stairs that led down to below the bridge, holding something behind your back, but Haru seemed to not notice it.

Your heart skipped a beat when the group of high school boys all locked eyes with you, confused about what you were doing interrupting them.

“The fuck do you want Y/N?” the blonde, Haru, asked you in an annoyed tone.

You gulped before answering him, trying to sound as threatening as you could without your voice cracking. “Let him go! He’s done nothing to you, why are you giving him a hard time?” you spat at him, taking a few brave steps closer to the scene in front of you.

Niragi slightly lifted himself off the ground to look over at you. He recognized you from his social studies class. You both sat together at the back, and he always thought you were too nice for your own good.

Niragi sat up and shook his head, trying to warn you to stop what you were doing. He didn’t want to drag you into his own problems. He would’ve felt awful if you happened to get hurt while trying to help him.

Haru rolled his eyes and groaned at you. “Why are you getting involved? This is none of your business,” he retorted, walking closer to you with the baseball bat in hand. You watched with fearful eyes as he swung the bat around, obviously to threaten you.

Your heart quickened and you felt it pound against your ribcage dramatically. As Haru got closer and closer, you stood your ground bravely, still holding your hand behind your back to hide your weapon from him. You weren’t stupid enough to get yourself involved without having some kind of way to defend yourself.

“Well? Are you going to answer me or just stand and shake like the pathetic girl you are?” Haru tormented, a confident smirk growing across his face.

His comment made your blood boil. “Do you have a saviour complex or something? Why did you think you could help this son of a bitch?” he pressed, gesturing towards Niragi who was slowly rising to his feet with a worried expression on his face.

That was it. He was getting far too close to you for your own liking, so you decided that comment was the final straw. You rushed towards him and pulled out the large can of pepper spray from behind your back, aiming directly at his smug face.

He cried out in pain the moment the spray hit his eyes, dropping the baseball bat and covering his face with his hands. He tried desperately to rub the stinging liquid out of his eye with his school blazer sleeves, but it wasn’t worth the effort as it only made it worse.

You moved quickly and picked up the bat that he dropped, running past him towards the other boys that were still gathered around Niragi. They all held shocked expressions on their faces.

“You want some too?” you bluntly asked, thrusting the pepper spray towards them. They all flinched and stumbled to get away. You smiled, feeling empowered.

Haru and the others ran, thinking that beating up Niragi wasn’t worth being blinded for.

You turned towards the bloodied boy standing against the wall looking at you in shock. You glanced at him, giving him a friendly smile. He returned it.

After that, you two became inseparable for the rest of your high school days, spending every waking moment together. With your tough attitude and Niragi’s shy demeanour, you were a strange friendship to have been made. You thought you would always stay together, until one day Niragi went missing.

You never guessed where he may have ended up, until you were sent there yourself a few years later.

*************

You breathed in a huge gulp of oxygen as the black bag was harshly pulled off your head. You tried to wiggle your hands to shield your eyes from the blinding sunlight seeping through the windows but struggled as you saw that your hands were tied to the armrests on either side of you. You groaned in frustration.

As the curtains closed so you could see probably, you saw a young woman with short black hair dressed in blue shorts and a white button up that was tied at the waist. “Sorry,” she began. “I forgot to close that before removing the bag.”

You looked around at your surroundings. You noticed that there were several more people in the room. The room was large, stretching down further until it came to a stop at the end where a large wall stood, conveying a huge spray painting across it that consisted of every card from a deck of cards. Some were crossed out, while a few number cards and all face cards remained untouched.

You whipped your head around, feeling restless from the number of eyes staring at you. You don’t remember how you got into this situation. All you remember is walking to a large light in the distance from your position on a bridge, being curious as to how it seemed to be the only building with electricity. Before you knew it, someone had grabbed you by the shoulders and shoved something over your head, making your vision go black and suddenly passing out.

You moaned in pain as you felt the back of your head throbbed, probably from when they punched you to knock you out.

“What’s going on?” you asked, struggling in your restraints more, trying to break free. An older man with glasses scolded you. “Stay still, Hatter will be here soon.”

Just as he promised, two large doors on your left burst open, revealing a man with a long decorative robe and dark glasses on. He had two other men beside him, both holding revolver guns.

“Ah! A newcomer!” he exclaimed excitedly, taking a big sip from his drink.

You froze, watching as he strides into the room further, making himself comfortable on a table in the centre of the room.

“A few of my militants tell me they found you sneaking around nearby The Beach,” he accused, pointing his finger at you.

You stared at him; confusion written all over your face. Militants? The Beach? What was he talking about?

After you didn’t answer him for a moment, he let out a big sigh and jumped off the table onto his feet, beginning to talk himself.

He explained the current situation to you. About how the dynamic at The Beach worked, and that considering the number of high-level cards you had on your person, you seemed to be the perfect candidate to add to the ranks of everyone there.

“And remember, death to the traitors,” he said, spite filling his tone. He had listed off the three main rules to you, each one adding more dread for you.

“Okay, all good. But I just want to say. If you want people to help you collect cards, kidnapping them isn’t the best idea. If it hasn’t hit you yet, that would make people want to help you less,” you smartly said, trying to stop your lips pulling up into a smirk.

All the heads in the room turned to Hatter. No one has ever questioned his motives to his face before, especially a newcomer.

Except, he didn’t get angry like everyone expected. Instead, he chuckled and held his drink out towards you. “Cheers to that, I guess. Have fun!”

************

The Beach was a lot more crowded than you expected. Your eyes almost popped out of your head when you walked down to the bottom floor to the pool. People were everywhere; dancing, swimming, drinking, talking, smoking. It honestly couldn’t have been more chaotic than it already was.

You spent most of the remainder of the day becoming familiar with the layout of the hotel. You found the room that you had been assigned to. You managed to score a room that was a little above average. Hatter decided to give you the benefit of the doubt and gift you a higher number due to your high number cards. He thought it was only fair.

You were sitting at a table nearby the bar. The sun had gone down but the party continued on through the chilly night air. You shivered, not being used to being dressed in a bathing suit twenty-four seven. You were annoyed that you weren’t even allowed to wear some sweatpants to bring you some kind of warmth. You guessed you would just have to grow used to feeling the cold on your skin.

The warm beverage slipped down your throat, bringing you at least a little bit of comfort. You had made yourself a coffee inside, not in the mood for alcohol just yet. You honestly didn’t like drinking without having anyone you trusted around you, just in case something was to happen.

You looked around the area, taking in everyone’s faces to see if anyone appeared friendly enough to be nice to you. You needed to make some allies before the next game, otherwise you would be the first they would sacrifice.

As you scanned the crowd, your gaze landed on a particular male, who was sitting in a more done up booth nearby the pool. He was wearing a black and white checkered shirt with black skinny jeans. He had several piercings in his face, making him seem more threatening.

You squinted your eyes. Why did he look so familiar? You swore you’ve seen him before.

You kept your gaze locked on him, watching as he communicated with the people sitting near him. You noticed that a huge sniper rifle was tucked behind him. He must have been a high-ranking militant, being able to carry a weapon like that around.

He suddenly flung his head back and let out a roar of laughter at something the guy next to him had said. You froze in your spot.

You could recognize that laugh anywhere. That loud, obnoxious laugh that used to come from your old friend Niragi from high school. Your best friend that randomly disappeared.

You blinked a few times before looking back at him. His facial features did match and the way he smiled seemed way too familiar to not be him.

How could he be here? Is this where he disappeared to a couple of years ago?

Your heart filled with joy and a wide grinned grew on your face. That had to be Niragi! Who else would it be?

You quickly stood to your feet, almost tripping on your chair in the process and began making your way towards his position.

Although, as you did so, another man approached him from behind, leaning over the seat and tapping his shoulder. Niragi turned with an angered scowl on his face, but it turned to a smirk once he heard what the man had to tell him.

You stopped in your tracks and watched as he leaped over the backrest of the couch suddenly, following the man with his rifle slung over his shoulders. They were headed to the door that led inside, so you quickly followed, wanting to reunite with your old friend from so long ago.

“Niragi!” you yelled out happily, trying to get his attention. A few heads turned at your voice around you, but he didn’t manage to hear you over the sound of the music blaring through the speakers.

“Niragi!” you tried again, but this time you were blocked by a few people in your way. A small crowd gathered in front of you, not noticing you trying to get past.

Niragi turned his head at the mention of his name but couldn’t see anyone calling his attention. He shrugged it off and kept following the man. He had told him that a young guy was causing some trouble inside one of the halls, so he was going to take care of it.

As you finally managed to force yourself through the small crowd that interrupted your path, you saw the Niragi and the man had already made it inside. You ran straight after them. You were feeling ecstatic, ready to throw your arms around him and give him the biggest hug ever to make up for all the days you’ve been apart.

As you quickly made your way inside, you caught a glance of his checkered shirt turning the corner a bit ahead of you. You moved your legs as quick as you could, trying to catch up.

You turned the corner, about to yell out to him again, but your voice got caught in your throat when the sight in front of you met your eyes.

“You really thought you could get away with this?!”

Niragi had a young boy pinned to the ground, pressing his boot against his upper back and shoving the barrel of his rifle against his skull violently. The boy below him was crying and begging for his mercy.

You had a small flashback to high school, when you saw Niragi’s main bully Haru shoving a baseball bat against the back of his head, him lying on the ground battered and bloodied.

It was the exact same scene. Only this time, Niragi was the tormentor himself.

“Niragi, I’m sorry! It won’t happen again!” he cried desperately, clawing at the floor trying to get away.

Niragi lifted his other boot and stamped it down roughly onto the boy’s hand. You covered your mouth as you heard a few bones crack.

He leaned down closer to the boy’s face and lifted his head up his hair, making him whimper in pain. “If I ever see you stealing from one of the executives again, this rifle will go down your throat and I won’t hesitate to blow the back of your skull out,” he hissed, sticking out his tongue and revealing the ball piercing he had.

The boy nodded, leaning away from Niragi as best as he could.

The man who led Niragi to the scene tapped him on the shoulder. “Alright that’s enough. You don’t want to give him PTSD,” he said calmly.

Niragi let out an annoyed groan. “But I was just getting started with him!” he whined, letting the boy out from under his boot and watching as he scuttled away like a bug.

You couldn’t move. You stayed put as the boy pushed past you, accidentally smacking into your shoulder in the process. Your eyes remained wide, staring at the tall man with fear written across your face.

This was not the Niragi you knew. It was not the Niragi you defended from those bullies. This was not the Niragi that used to be your closest friend, possessing a shy and timid personality. No, that Niragi was dead now. This was a devil standing in front of you. Nothing but a violent jerk that struck fear in anyone that he came across. What happened to him?

Unfortunately, you took a little too long to gather your thoughts and before you knew it, a rough grip was on your shoulders shaking you out of your daydream. You flinched in a panic as you saw Niragi’s angered face appear in front of yours.

“What are you looking at? You want some too?” he growled, shoving the barrel of his gun against your temple. You froze, staring into his dark, evil eyes, not knowing what to do.

You watched in confusion as his hard and angry facial features softened, rage turning into surprise, and even concern.

“Oh my god,” he whispered, taking his hands off your shoulders and backing a way a bit in shock. You kept your eyes on him. You wanted nothing but for him to recognize you a few minutes before, but now you weren’t so sure.

“Y/N?!” he exclaimed suddenly, causing you to jump as his tone. A large smile grew on his face, only you viewed it as nothing but sinister and evil.

“Oh my god Y/N! Since when did you get here?!” he asked excitedly. He quickly moved towards you again and held his arms out to give you a hug, but you backed away and shook your head, making him frown.

“What’s wrong? Don’t you recognize me? It’s me! Niragi! Your best friend!”

You shook your head again, trying to get the message across that you didn’t want him near you. “Sorry Niragi,” you mumbled, trying hard to keep your tears in.

You quickly darted around the corner, making your way to the staircase to run to your room. You felt overwhelmed. After everything that happened today, finding out that your closest friend was now a murderer was the last thing you needed.

Your stomach dropped as you heard heavy footsteps following closely behind you.

“Wait Y/N! Please let me explain!” he tried to stop you, but you weren’t going to give him any time after that performance with the young boy.

“Piss off Niragi!” you yelled, climbing the stairs as fast as you could, trying to get away from him.

You turned onto the floor that your room was located on, sprinting down the hallway. You glanced back over your shoulder to see that Niragi wasn’t that far behind you. He had dropped his rifle, now trying to catch up to you empty handed.

You quickly busted through your door and immediately pressed your entire body weight on it. You silently cursed Hatter for not letting you have locks.

You heard him arrive in front of it, immediately trying to open it, but you stood your ground. He may have been tall, but there was nothing but skin and bones on him. He had no muscles to help him push through.

You held the door shut with your leg and reached for a chair to put against the handle so we wouldn’t be able to open it. You managed to secure it underneath the handle and stood back, watching as Niragi tried to open it again, but failing.

“Y/N please just let me in! Let me explain! I didn’t mean for you to see that!” he cried. You almost felt guilty, hearing as he started tearing up behind the door while still attempting to let himself in.

“Please Y/N! Let me in! I missed you!”

You covered your ears with your hands. You didn’t want to listen to his pleas, it would do nothing but make you feel bad for him.

That wasn’t Niragi outside your door, that was a cold-blooded killer that you wanted nothing to do with.

**************

The next few days you spend on alert around The Beach, looking around every corner for Niragi. As much as you’ve missed him the past few years, that event that occurred with the young boy obviously showed that he was no longer the nice and caring friend that you used to have. If anything, he now has become what he hated most in his high school days, a selfish and careless bully.

Who wants to be associated with someone like that? Not you.

Although even though you managed to avoid him in person, his name was brought up wherever you went. A few people would approach you during the day and warn you that Niragi was looking for you. It only would make your anxiety spike, causing you to scatter off to a more secluded place somewhere at The Beach. Most of the time you would hide in your room, but on the few occasions you climbed to the roof or hung around Alice and Usagi (who you had befriended), you managed to keep away from the psychopath.

One day, you were sitting out on one of the tables out by the pool. It was still quite early in the morning, so there wasn’t a lot of people around. The air was quite nippy, making you shiver against the cold breeze. You rubbed your arms up and down, trying to warm yourself up. Unfortunately, you hadn’t grown used to the ‘always wear bathers’ policy yet.

You felt a gentle hand lay itself on your shoulder, making your eyes widen and your head whip around to yell at whoever had dared to touch you, but you held in your harsh remark when your eyes met with Niragi’s.

“Finally! I found you!” he exclaimed, a sickening smile spreading across his face. You leant away from his touch, scooting your butt along the seat of the table, trying to make distance between the two of you.

Niragi obviously didn’t like this.

“Why are you avoiding me like I’m some kind of disease? I just want to talk to you! I haven’t seen you in years!” he said annoyed, taking a seat at the table.

You eyed his sniper rifle closely, watching as he placed it down on the table in front of him. You felt somewhat relieved that the barrel was pointing away from you. Who knew when he would decide to use that vicious weapon against you?

You blinked, not daring to say anything. You wanted to get out of the situation as soon as possible. It was unbearably uncomfortable.

“Sorry Niragi, I have to go,” you stated, standing up out of your seat and moving to turn away.

Niragi gripped the back of your hoodie and pulled you so you sat down again, making you yelp in surprise. “No, you don’t. Stop avoiding me,” he growled, placing an arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer to him.

You closed your eyes tightly in discomfort. You swore you were so close you could hear his heart beating. With a short shove to the side, you got out of his grip and stood up again.

“No, I do. I’m sorry but I really don’t want to talk to you,” you bluntly said, becoming agitated from his insistent behaviour. Why did he think he could just tell you what to do?

He frowned, standing up as well. “Fine then, I’ll just come too. I don’t care if you don’t want to talk to me. You don’t get a choice.”

You rolled your eyes and quickly started walking away from him, hoping to at least get a head-start to stay away from him. You heard him jog up to you as you kept walking, seeing his shadow appear right next to you.

You became more and more anxious the longer he followed you. He started to get a little too comfortable in his movements, even having the audacity to touch your hair and comment on how much it’s grown.

It got to a point where you had walked all the way to the lobby about three times, realizing that he wasn’t even focusing on where you were going. You turned around just as he was reaching to grab your hand, looking him in the eye with anger written all over your face.

“Can you not take a hint?! Leave me the fuck alone!” you yelled, watching as his face contorted into shock at your tone.

“I don’t want to have anything to do with you Niragi! You’re fucking insane and sadistic! Has it not occurred to you that you’ve literally become the soul thing that you hated in high school?!” you sassed, anger ripping from your words and smacking him in the face.

The few people in the lobby turned their heads at the sound of your arguing, being curious due to not seeing anyone ever dare to yell such vulgar words towards Niragi.

He tucked his hand into his jeans pocket and readjusted the rifle on his shoulder, almost looking bored. “Yeah? And what would that be?” he asked, licking his bottom lip while staring at your menacingly.

You cringed as his movements. “A fucking asshole! A little bitch that preys on those weaker than him just so he can project his own hatred for himself onto them! You’re pathetic Niragi, and it’s a real shame that no one has in this shithole has told you so. Because no one knows you like I know you, and I know that on the inside, you hate yourself more than anyone could ever hate you.”

You took in a deep breath, regaining your strength. You suddenly saw the irony in your words. You accused Niragi of projecting his anger onto others when you just did it yourself.

Niragi rolled his eyes, bringing his rifle down off his shoulder and fiddling with the bullet canister. You felt your heart stop from his actions, being afraid that he was going to use it on you.

“Don’t act like you don’t miss me Y/N,” he laughed, glancing his eyes back up to you.

You grunted in annoyance. “Just leave me alone, please,” you begged, turning around and leaving Niragi to the peeping eyes still staring at you both.

He turned his head to everyone in the lobby. As he did so, everyone turned back to what they were doing, being afraid of being caught staring and yelled at by him.

“That’s right. Mind your own business,” he shouted out across the lobby to make sure everyone heard.

He watched you as you walked away, eventually turning the corner to go search for Alice and Usagi. At least they would give you some kind of security after what just happened.

He chuckled to himself, sticking his pierced tongue out and running it across his lips once again. “Just you wait Y/N, you’ll come running back to me soon enough. You can only keep that tough façade up for so long. Just wait until people find out that you’re all bark and no bite.”

************

You stumbled your way to the entrance of the hotel, head throbbing in pain and legs aching from the muscle strain you’ve put on them. You had arrived back from your game, being the only one that managed to survive. You didn’t feel well, both physically and emotionally, so you were planning on slipping into a coma for a few days to sleep off the pain that you were feeling at that moment.

It felt like a huge effort to even lift your feet. You didn’t feel like talking to anyone, so you weren’t even thinking of checking in on Alice or Usagi. You said to yourself you would look for them tomorrow. You were in too much of a bad mood to engage in conversation. You’d probably end up snapping at them, which wouldn’t be fair on them since they just completed a harsh game themselves.

As you were just about to enter through the large glass doors before a young militant woman with short blonde hair pushed through before you even had the chance. She managed to even knock your shoulder during the process, making you hiss in pain.

She looked you up and down with a disgusted expression on her face. “Watch where you’re going,” she spat before continuing walking inside.

You rolled your eyes. “Bitch,” you mumbled under your breath.

Her head quickly whipped around to meet your eye, an angered scowl on her face. “Excuse me?” she said in disbelief.

Your words got stuck in your throat. She wasn’t meant to have heard that. “I-I…”

“I-I..” she mocked you. You felt your adrenaline skyrocket. You’ve heard of this girl; she doesn’t take things lightly.

“Look I’m sorry, it just slipped out I promise,” you stammered out, putting your hands up in a surrender. You weren’t in the mood for dealing with her shit, you were grumpy and tired. You hoped she would let you off with just a warning.

But she had different plans.

She grabbed you by the back of your hoodie, dragging you outside again and brought you over to a small alleyway that ran along the side of the hotel. You struggled in her grip and protested the whole way.

Although, you stopped fighting against her when she shoved you against a brick wall and pulled a revolver out of her jacket pocket, pushing it underneath your chin. You froze and looked at her with pleading eyes, begging for her to have mercy.

“You’ve messed with the wrong person you bitch,” she growled, giving you a quick jab to the ribs. You yelped in pain, clutching your side. It hurt ten times more, considering you’ve already faced a horrific game that same night.

“I’m sorry!” you cried, feeling tears welling up in your eye sockets.

She scoffed and smirked at you. “Wow, all bark and no bite huh?” she teased, throwing a kick to your shin, making you cry harder.

Her words angered you, making you see red for a short moment. You forgot about the revolver against your chin and gave her a quick punch to the jaw, making her head whip sideways.

She groaned, clutching her face and slowly turned back to you. You felt yourself fill with regret when you saw the look on her face. She looked like she was ready to kill you.

“Is that how you want it? Fine, have a hole in your foot. Maybe it’ll manage to get you and your attitude killed off in the next game,” she snarled.

Your stomach dropped at her words. Before you could even protest, she pulled away and aimed the gun towards the ground and blew a quick bullet in the top of your foot.

You cried out, kneeling and grasping your foot in your hands in pain, biting your tongue so you didn’t scream too loud. The pain of the bullet seeped from your foot and up your leg, spreading across your body.

The militant girl stood above you, laughing at your pathetic body lying on the ground. Your screams of pain brought her pleasure.

“Didn’t think this would happen when you bad mouthed me, didn’t you?!” she laughed, leaning down and pushing the gun against your head to threaten you more.

Another gunshot rang in your ears. For a moment you thought it was her and that she had put a bullet through your head, killing you. But then you heard a cry and saw the girl fall in the ground holding your shin with her head thrown back in a silent scream.

You were about to attempt to stand up to take this opportunity to run, but quickly jumped back down to the ground when another loud gunshot filled the air. You heard the bullet colliding with flesh as the girl flinched violently and cried out again.

You heard a menacing male laugh fill the air, and you glanced down the alleyway to see where it came from.

There stood Niragi, holding his sniper rifle out towards you both with smoke protruding from the barrel of it. A psychotic grin was painted across his face and you swore you saw his eyes shine red.

“Why are you giving my poor love a hard time?! Maybe think twice before you put a bullet through my property,” he exclaimed, chucking and walking up to the girl giving her a harsh kick to the ribs.

You felt like you were about to throw up and hearing some of her ribs crack from the collision of her chest to his boot did not help your nausea.

You rubbed your eyes and pressed your forehead against the ground. You wanted to wake up, like this was all some bad dream. Before you knew it, you were silently sobbing on the floor, tears rolling out of your eyes and down your cheeks.

You felt two arms wrap around you, lifting you off the cold stone floor and into a warm chest. You winced and whined as the bullet wound in your foot shot a searing pain through your leg. Niragi shushed you quietly.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you,” he whispered, placing his cheek on top of your head.

His behaviour was giving you whiplash. One second ago he was acting like a maniac, shooting holes through a young girl, but now he was carrying you by under your knees and your shoulders, your head tucked into his neck.

You were exhausted, your body not even listening to you. You tried to move your leg to force yourself out of his grip but didn’t even have the strength to lift it. Your head was throbbing, and you could’ve passed out easily in his arms, but forced yourself to stay awake.

As Niragi walked past the lobby to get to the medical room, he attracted a few worried faces. Some even stood up to walk over and ask if you were okay. Everyone was terrified he had bad intentions with you, knowing how he was.

He ignored the few that approached both of you, rushing down the hall to escape them. He had to get there quickly so Ann could treat your bullet wound.

When he arrived, he pushed through the door harshly and called out to Ann with a worried tone. She stopped what she was doing and turned to the door to see Niragi holding you close to him protectively, blood dripping into the ground from your shoe.

“Shit, bring her here.” She gestured towards an empty table in the middle of the room. Niragi rushed over and placed you gently on the metal table, letting you lean your upper body against him.

Ann brought over some large tweezers, a cloth, disinfectant and a bandage. You flinched at the sight of the tweezers, moving to get away from her. “No, no!” you begged, trying to crawl up the table to get away, but Niragi grabbed your waist and pinned you against his chest.

“We have to get the bullet out Y/N, we can’t just leave it in there!” he argued, brushing your hair out of your face to calm you down.

You struggled against his grip as Ann held down your foot and carefully removed your shoe and sock. You looked down and saw a small hole in the top of your foot. How could such a small injury cause so much pain?

“Alright Niragi, keep her still. This is going to hurt,” Ann said shallowly, picking up the tweezers to try and remove the bullet.

“Yep.” You felt his grip on you tighten and he tucked his chin on your head. “Please just keep still Y/N, I’m here. It’s okay,” he cooed. His reassuring words didn’t do much to ease your anxiety.

Niragi turned your face so you were nuzzled into his chest. He knew that making you watch Ann take the bullet would do nothing but freak you out more, so he wanted to protect you from the sight.

You felt fine until the pain in your foot suddenly skyrocketed, making you let out a piercing scream. You bit your tongue to try and quieten yourself, but it didn’t do much.

Niragi frowned as he suddenly felt you go limp against him. He looked down at your face to see you had passed out, eyes shut tight and letting out soft breaths.

He smiled and brushed his fingers across your face. “So cute,” he mumbled.

“Well, that’s better. Maybe if we just knocked her out with a quick jab to the head, it would’ve saved us the headache of trying to keep her down,” Ann stated bluntly, causing Niragi to laugh.

“You know how this happened?” she asked him, raising her eyebrows.

“A bitch shot her just outside the hotel,” he said with an angry tone.

Ann didn’t seem surprised. Events like that occurred a lot. She had removed a lot of bullets the time she had been there.

“What happened to the girl? Did she run when she saw you?”

“I didn’t give her the chance to. She copped two bullets into her body for doing that to Y/N.”

“Did you think maybe Y/N was the one giving her a hard time?”

“Doesn’t matter. I only saw her shoot the bullet, nothing else.”

“Fair enough.”

***********

You cracked your eyes open to a room that most definitely wasn’t your own. You groaned and sat up, wincing when the pain in your foot shot through your leg. Memories of yesterday filled your head. “I must have passed out in the medical room,” you said to yourself.

You scanned the room. It was much bigger than yours. The bed you were in was three times the size of yours, and this room even had a huge balcony. As you looked around more, you noticed that a bag of your stuff was placed near the closet.

You frowned. Why was your stuff from your room here?

Suddenly the door opened to reveal Niragi, walking in with a plate of a bread roll and a bottle of water. He saw you awake and smiled.

“Aw little mouse is awake. How’s your foot?” he purred.

You cringed at the pet name. “What’s it to you, dickhead,” you growled, getting out of the bed and standing up. You were wearing the same clothes that you wore to the game yesterday, minus the shoes and the jacket.

Niragi smirked and placed the food on a small table in the centre of the room. “Have you forgotten who saved your pathetic ass yesterday?” he asked, approaching you. “And also, don’t stand on that foot. It’s injured, you have to rest it.” He pushed on your shoulder lightly to make you sit on the bed again. He sat himself next to you and leaned towards your face.

You moved away from his face, hating how close he was to you. “Yeah, but how did you know I even needed help? And don’t tell me you were just going on a short stroll through the alleyway at eleven at night,” you said, scooting up the bed and leaning your back against the wooden bedhead.

Niragi chuckled. “What if I was? Are you accusing me of stalking?” he suggested.

You shook your head. “Why is my stuff here,” you asked, changing the subject.

Niragi glanced over at the bag full of your stuff on the ground near the closet. He turned back to you with a smile on his face. “Oh yeah! I forgot to say, you’re moving in with me,” he said excitedly.

You felt your stomach drop. “What? I didn’t agree to this.” You swung your legs over the side of the bed and attempted to stand again. You could only place pressure on one foot, so you stood on one leg.

“Oh, baby. I don’t care if you don’t want to. You’re in here with me now, whether you like it or not,” he growled, reaching out towards you waiting for you to place your hand in his.

You stared at him, trying to see if he was joking or not. But from the serious look on his face, you didn’t think he was.

“I’m not staying in here with you. You’re a fucking psycho.”

You attempted to limp over to the door, wanting to escape Niragi as soon as possible. But you didn’t expect him to be so insistent on you staying.

A sudden arm around your waist spun your around and Niragi pinned you against the door, his face far too close to yours for it to be comfortable. “Did you not just hear me? You don’t get a choice love. You’re stuck with me,” he rasped into your face with a scary smile across his.

Your breath hitched and you turned your head away as he moved his face closer, trying to force his lips against yours. You felt helpless.

“Niragi please. Let me go, I’m sorry if I ever angered you,” you begged, pushing on his chest, but he wouldn’t budge. “I promise if you let me go, we can go back to how we were in high school.” You were trying to do anything that would get him off you. Your heart was racing, and you were becoming more frightened by the second.

Niragi licked a long and slow stripe from your collar bone to the back of your ear. You cringed and sobbed at the feeling of his tongue and saliva on your skin. “Maybe I don’t want it like it was back then. Maybe I want more Y/N,” he whispered.

He tucked his face into your neck and nipped at your skin. He had your arms pinned either side of you and his leg was holding your good foot against the door. You couldn’t do anything to defend yourself.

“What have you become Niragi,” you sobbed after a short moment.

Niragi removed himself from your neck, leaning back to look at you. You stared into his eyes, seeing the same dark and beautiful orbs that used to make your heart race with love in high school, only now, they made your heart race with fear.

“I’ve become the real me Y/N, and you’re going to love me, whether you want to or not.”

[memryse]

i wanna expand on my tags a little actually <3 loveposting for the mcyt fandom at the end but under a cut bc this is pretty heavy Backstory (tw for suicidal ideation) and i’ve never spoken about it publicly before but i think i would like to get it off my chest after all this time. bc i never really opened up about it and i don’t think i could say it directly to anyone

ok so. pandemic bad. we all get that right

i handled the first part of the pandemic p well. it was summer, as an introvert (and, as i have recently realised, an undiagnosed autistic who was REALLY struggling in sixth form) i enjoyed the freedom from other people. i ended a shit relationship (don’t edate, kids), got super into twisted wonderland, made some lovely friends in my twst server who i still adore to this day. i thought the pandemic would be great for me!

but as it turns out, i actually do need a little bit of contact with people my own age in order to not go insane. and to put my social situation into perspective, i had a friend group at sixth form who i never talked to outside of school and intended to drop the minute i had an excuse to do so because they were transphobic, and two friends from pre-sixth form who went elsewhere for sixth form who i Also barely talked to anymore because. again. undiagnosed autistic. reaching out to people just to say “hi” and make small talk is not my thing no matter how well i know a person.

so september rolls around, we start university. i my friends move to their unis, i move to mine for a bit, make friends with one of my flatmates, but then we go back into lockdown at halloween and both of us go home. again, i struggle to keep contact with her, and i’ve made no real friends in my online classes either - i talk in the group chats a lot, met my classmates once while i was still at uni, but don’t click with anyone. and it’s also november. so all of these things considered, the seasonal depression hits really hard.

i realise i wasted my entire time in school being a terminally online kid who can’t maintain friendships with people in real life (narrator voice: this is, again, because of the undiagnosed autism and wanting to share your obscure hyperfixations but nobody irl caring). and i also realise how little i ever have private conversations with people even online, that barely anyone ever even bothers reaching out to me personally despite me having several close online friend groups. and i just… get it into my head that i’m fundamentally unlikeable and broken as a person, that i’m not worth getting to know outside of a group setting. i start noticing everything about other people’s friendships to the point that i either have to remove myself from conversations where my twst friends would mention other people or i would just outright take out my misery on them because i had no other outlet other than this twst server that i ran. by the end of december, i was idly contemplating suicide pretty much every day. it’s without a doubt the most mentally unhealthy i’ve ever been - i’m normally very self aware/analytical of myself but i was so absorbed in how utterly miserable i was that i couldn’t see how much of a dick i was actually being. the worst part is that my friends did reach out, but at the time it didn’t help, because it just made it feel like people only cared because i was acting so obviously concerning.

i think around mid january i realised it was not healthy for me to be around those people, but even then i hadn’t realised i was treating them like shit, it was very much from a self absorbed place of “i will feel worse if i keep hanging out in this server”. so i just… cut myself off from people. deactivate my twitter. try to stop talking in the server as much as possible. focus on uni work. still utterly alone in real life - my two school friends would message me every once in a while, but i never know how to properly respond, which continues the cycle of me feeling isolated and broken. yknow what’s funny is that in hindsight we had a minecraft server with the three of us in december and my brain erased all connection between “your friends want to play minecraft with you” and “your friends like you and want to hang out with you”. and i knew they were talking and hanging out with each other too and that they knew each other’s personal lives, but i was comparatively out of the loop. what i’m trying to say here is that i used to not think jealousy was a genuine thing until i became the human embodiment of it

except for one thing. one of those friends is a wilbur/dsmp fan. and they keep messaging me dsmp references, which i absolutely do not get, but am sort of aware of the existence of the dream smp. i watch a couple of the videos they send me, but generally understand none of it. all i know from twitter is “dream is bad”

it gets to the end of february/beginning of march, and i say fuck it. i start watching wilbur’s dsmp videos, and then tommy’s. by the time i get to the exile vods, it’s become such a hyperfixation that i physically can’t concentrate in class anymore because all i can think about is watching the next vod. which, yknow, not great for my academics especially when i’m already struggling because of the Mental Illness. but what it does give me is an excuse to talk to my friend! and our other friend sees me getting into it and decides to check it out too (hi mint if you’re reading this. i’d put a heart but it feels a bit awkward after the paragraphs about suicidal depression) in total it takes me like. two or three weeks to catch up with the general gist of lore, with my first live streams being the prison streams. for related reasons i don’t remember most of that period. it was a BLUR

i reactivate my twitter because i’m unable to keep myself from gushing about the hypfx. at first i only use a 0 follower side acc because i think everyone will hate me for liking mcyt. then i decide to post it on main, predictably lose followers so i do end up making a diff account. BUT hog hunt comes out, which convinces sin, my twitter mutual since 2017 or 2018 to go from “will maybe watch dsmp one day” to “has to find out about this thing immediately”. we’d been mutuals for so long and are basically the same person but had never properly become close bc we were always into different things

and well. all of that somehow ends up in me getting into 3l and hermitcraft despite having awful associations with hc because of the shitty relationship from the start of the post. me, irl friend mint, sin and some other New friends manage to all become a friend group because of a minecraft server. long story short in april i travelled to london to meet up with them because they’re my dearest friends and i have photos of us on my wall all together wearing minecraft youtuber merch.

i talk to both of those irl friends nearly every day now. which all started with mcyt yes but we’re just overall so much closer now, we all live in different places but make efforts to hang out a lot - often for mcc <3

starting in december i allowed myself to properly start talking in that twst server again. for most of 2021 i’d been too hyperfixated on mcyt to even really want to, but i was also so disgusted by how badly i’d treated them that i figured they were better off without me. but… they welcomed me back with open arms, i’ve never felt an ounce of anger from them even though they definitely deserve to be mad at me for all of that. i talk to them most days even if it’s just to check in or share an outfit. they’re like my family and i love them so dearly

and finally! i moved back to uni in march and worked up the courage to join a society - i became such fast friends with them, we hang out so much and i met multiple hc fans in the society! one of them is coming over to watch double life with me tomorrow <3 i thought i was incapable of making new friends but i’ve clicked so well with all of them. the mcyt thing is just one part of that, but well. domino effect. if all of the above hadn’t happened i would have been too depressed to consider even trying making new friends. and i’m so glad i did.

i’ve made so many cool friends from tumblr too, and never in my life did i see myself returning to tumblr until i found out that there were more inniters on tumblr <3 in general my life has just done a complete 180 from early 2021 and i truly owe all of it to the video of crimeboys trying to gaslight phil into thinking he doesn’t have a wife, and the video of tubbo trying to pronounce “diamantspitzhacke”. this fandom is hell sometimes but it’s definitely the reason i’m alive today, so that’s generally a good thing i think

yeah this got. really long but okay. the one part of my life that i have still not improved is that i have no clue how to open up to people, i don’t really do direct emotional closeness. nor would i necessarily want to dump all of this directly on anyone, because it’d almost feel like i’m blaming them for that dark point in my life, like i’m saying “you should have been there for me”. but i’m done being angry about it, i could have done more to reach out for help. so writing this out and sending it off to the void of tumblr is cathartic enough for me, and whoever happens to read it, i don’t really care. i’m just happy now. amazing what minecraft youtubers and a community of gay minecraft youtuber fans can do for a person

[watercolorfreckles]

The Villain and His Therapist - Part 4

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

"You know, that shade of pink looks lovely on you," Villain purred, descending the stairs to lean against the kitchen counter.

Juliet paused where she was scrambling eggs in a skillet and glanced down at her attire of soft blue pajama pants and oversized grey sweater. "I'm not wearing any pink," she said slowly, lifting her gaze to look at the Villain.

He'd just come down from a shower, dark locks of hair curling over his forehead. He smelled of her green apple shampoo. It made her insides swoop all funny.

Villain's lips tugged into an easy grin as he took one step closer, two. He paused directly in front of her to lift a hand, brushing his knuckles feather-light against her burning cheek.

"I was referring to your blush. It suits you quite beautifully." His voice was liquid gold. Her skin tingled beneath his touch.

Remembering herself, Juliet swatted his hand away and covered her cheeks with her palms. "I'm not blushing."

He didn't try to hide the amusement on his face.

"Mm, whatever were you thinking about, Doctor Meadows?" Villain took Juliet's hands to gently pry them away from her face, using the hold on her wrists to pull her closer.

Juliet sucked in a soft breath, looking up at him. The sun streaming through the window caught the highlights of his handsome face and illuminated his dark irises, turning them to molten amber.

"I...was...thinking about how gentle you can be. When you calmed me down that night, you were patient and sensitive; you displayed a lot of empathy and care. I'm really proud of you. You've come a long way."

Villain's grin grew a little softer as he tilted his head to the side, studying her face. The way he looked at her used to make her feel like prey being stalked by a lion. Now...it made her feel like she was the only thing in his universe.

Her stomach fluttered.

Juliet swallowed, continuing. "I imagine it isn't easy for you to be so vulnerable. I'm glad that you feel safe enough with me to be soft."

Villain brushed her fringe away from her face, tapping the side of her head. "That psychologist brain of yours never turns off, does it?"

She smiled sheepishly, gaze dipping down to the floor.

Villain's finger hooked under her chin, lifting it gently. "I never said I didn't like it. You are my therapist, after all."

Villain leaned in closer, eliciting the slightest hitch in her breath. He smiled, relishing her response.

His breath ghosted over her lips, leaving them tingling in anticipation.

"Yours?" she asked softly. Her mouth had gone dry.

"Would you like to be?"

Juliet's thoughts were rarely clear on her face. She was difficult to read under the years of training keeping her steady and prepared. Villain wanted to unpick that artificial calm from her; to map her every reaction. He wanted to watch her sigh and blush and smile...

"The eggs are going to burn," Juliet whispered, watching him.

Without taking his eyes off of her, Villain reached over her shoulder, turning off the stove. In one fluid movement, he turned with her, pressing her back against the counter.

If her cheeks were warm before, they were blazing now. Villain smiled again, this time something so fond it dazzled her senses. The world narrowed to just the two of them, flush together.

Juliet's hands fell against Villain's chest, lightly resting against the soft cotton of his shirt.

She breathed in his scent.

"Villain?"

"Mm?" he murmured, the hum of his voice vibrating against her palms.

"When your brother- What he said about how you feel...about me... Is it true?" She held his gaze, holding her breath.

"My sweet Juliet Meadows." His voice alone was enough to melt her. He took one of her hands with deliberate gentleness and placed a kiss against her fingers. "If only I were brave enough to say it out loud."

"You can say it in other ways," Juliet breathed.

His eyes gleamed.

"Oh I intend to," Villain said softly.

Villain's gaze flicked down to Juliet's lips. He kept one hand on her waist, slotting the other into her hair. He leaned in until their lips brushed. Pausing, he seemed to catch himself, probably remembering Juliet's comments in therapy about the importance of healthy communication.

He smiled again, sharp and beautiful. His warm breath grazed her skin while his thumb traced lazy circles against her jaw. "May I?" he whispered, his lips hovering just barely above hers.

Juliet opened her mouth to answer, and-

The door burst open.

Juliet jolted in surprise, panic shooting through her as she gripped Villain's arms before she caught sight of who was really at the door.

The figure was fitted in a deep red super-suit, a black mask concealing his identity.

She relaxed, releasing a breath through gritted teeth. "Hero?"

"Doctor Meadows," Hero said, relief flooding his expression. "I heard what happened to you on the news and with Supervillain's escape, I knew you were in danger so I-"

His eyes narrowed as he seemed to notice Villain for the first time. "You get away from her," he hissed marching closer, crimson beams of tech-powered energy sparking to life in his palms. "Let her go and get out."

Villain hardened at the sight of him in turn, straightening and pulling out an advanced weapon. "Now that's insulting, at least I was invited inside." His voice was smooth and dangerous. Chilling.

A far cry from the man who had held her close and smiled fondly only moments ago.

Juliet stepped between them, holding up a hand in each direction. "Stop."

"You invited him in? Doctor Meadows, he's Supervillain's brother! He's probably here to finish the job for him!"

"Oh that's rich," Villain interjected. "For all your self-righteous monologues begging me to change, to be better, when I actually try, you can't accept it."

"I'm not willing to bet Doctor Meadow's life on your 'moral awakening,'" Hero spat.

"Hero," Juliet said in the no-nonsense voice her job often required her to use. "Take a deep breath. Villain would never hurt me, you don't need to worry about that."

"He-"

"-is in rehabilitation," Juliet finished for him. "He is my patient, just as you are. He has made tremendous progress, you are in no position to discredit his reformation. I promise you that I am safe with him."

Hero stared, studying the pair. Villain's jaw was clenched, glaring hard at the hero. Juliet touched his shoulder and some of the tension immediately dissolved from him.

Hero extinguished the energy beams in his palms, shifting into a less guarded stance. He regarded them for a second longer.

"Alright."

"Alright?"

"You want to prove you have good intentions? Help me find Supervillain and bring him in, for good this time," Hero said. "I can't do it alone."

Villain turned to look at Juliet. She stepped closer, taking his hand as she spoke.

"No. I don't want you to put yourself in a position where your recovery might be compromised again. You're too close to the situation to act rationally, and it would be too much of a trigger for you."

Villain's gaze softened as it landed on her, any hostility in his demeanor vanishing like it had never been there. He brushed her hair back with gentle fingers, leaning in. His thumb dipped down to graze her lips.

Villain kissed her cheek, her chin, the corner of her mouth. He straightened, eyes intent, looking like he wanted to kiss her properly--but not until they were alone.

When time would suspend like frost in the air and the moment would belong solely to the two of them, in the quiet and safety of each other.

Juliet's skin felt cold at the loss of his touch. Dread swirled in the pit of her stomach.

Villain turned to Hero, observing him for a moment before extending a hand to shake. "Deal."

Sorry I haven't posted in so loooong. I kept putting off writing this bc I was worried id mess it up lol. This is officially the longest series I've posted so far (the rest of my snippets have 3 parts or less) so wooo! Let me know if you want to see more :)

General Taglist: @writing-on-the-wahl , @valiantlytransparentwhispers , @distance-does-not-matter , @redbircl , @lilaccatholic , @crazytwentythrees , @thelazywitchphotographer , @deadlygemuwu, @chibicelloking , @lolafaiy , @thinkwrite5 , @putridghost , @tobeornottobeateacher , @sunflower1000 , @bouncyartist , @thanatoastie , @feyriddle , @yet-another-heathen , @silverwhisperer1 , (@distractedlydistracted i think forgot to tag you in the last part, oops)

You're on this list if you've asked to be tagged in any of my stories. Please let me know if you want to be added or removed. :)

Edit: the tags weren't working so I redid them through mobile, let me know if it worked!

[bibliosophist]

You may take this as a prompt request if you want to or just me thirsting to you (again)

Picture this:

MC is sitting next to one of the brothers on their bed wearing a top and some shorts, watching a movie together when MC leans into the brother's side and whispers into his ear: "I only want to let you know that I'm not wearing panties right now."

(AND THEN THEY FUCKED)

Sorry it took me a while to get to, I haven't had time to get on tumblr lately. Bc I made you wait I'll do all the brothers. Heads up I’m writing these while I’m pretty tipsy so I hope they all make sense lol

Movie Night + “I’m not wearing any panties” ft. GN MC (NSFW/18+)

Lucifer

You’re watching a documentary that he had imported from the human world. It’s drier than dust- something about politics that would make even The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire seem riveting.

Doesn’t visibly react at all.

Demands you remove your shorts, not taking his eyes off the television.

Once your lower half is bared, orders you to sit in his lap so that your back is against his chest and you have a leg on either side of his body.

Continues to watch the documentary as he fucks you with one hand, the other pressed against your abdomen, keeping your body close to his.

“Be quiet. You don’t want me to have to rewind this, do you?”

Moves his hand from your abdomen to your throat when you continue to moan.

Doesn’t stop until you’ve cum so hard your legs are shaking.

You’re nearing tears from overstimulation by the time the documentary is over. “Have you had enough?” he asks. You can only whimper in response.

“Too bad,” he chuckles as he lowers you on to your back. “You wanted my attention, and now you’ve got it.”

Mammon

Poor boy nearly has a heart attack.

“O-oi! You can’t just go around sayin’ stuff like that!”

You ask him what the problem is with the most innocent look you can muster.

“Waddaya mean what’s the problem?! I have a hard enough time controllin’ myself around ya as it is!”

Once you’ve assured him that you do not, in fact, want him to control himself, it’s like you’re a casino and it’s payday. He can’t seem to decide what he wants to do first. His mouth is on yours but his hands are everywhere.

He just can’t get enough of you and is perfectly content to do everything in his power to give you pleasure- his own is an afterthought.

When you finally manage to get a hand down his pants, you think his head may actually explode.

Once you start begging for his cock he drags you to the edge of the bed, slinging your ankles over his shoulders as he fucks you. He loves watching the faces you make.

Leviathan

You’re laying side by side in his tub watching a movie when you tell him.

He may have momentarily died. You aren’t quite sure.

Is he breathing?

“Levi? Levi!”

“W-why are you telling me that?!”

He absolutely, unequivocally does not believe that you could possibly have any interest in him.

You’re just teasing him, aren’t you? Who would want an icky ot-

Oh my God, what are you doing?

“Levi,” you say as you wrap him up in a hug. “It’s okay. Nothing has to happen unless you want it to.”

He stammers something into your hair. When you lift your head to ask him what he says, he catches your lips with his.

At first it’s a bit sloppy, but the longer you kiss the more confident he becomes.

He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you close. You shiver when you feel his erection pressed against your stomach.

You can actually feel his hands shaking as he holds you against him, so you decide to give him a little encouragement.

“Can I show you how much I want you?” you ask, reaching for the ties of his pants.

He’s an actual human tomato, but he nods vigorously, lifting his hips so you can slide his pants and underwear down his thighs.

He bites on his hand to quiet the sounds he makes as you suck him off.

He slips his fingers in the leg of your shorts and soon you’re the one moaning.

You don’t fuck tonight, but if Levi’s reaction is anything to go by, you’ll have many opportunities in the future.

Satan

In the glow of the TV you can make out the smirk on his face.

Pauses the movie- an adaptation of one of his favourite books- pulling you into his lap before crushing his lips against yours.

Satan has beautiful hands, and he knows how to use them. He quickly has you undressed and begging for him.

He obliges, letting you unzip his trousers and pull his cock free.

One of the best things about Satan? He has a spell for everything. He speaks a few words and instant lubrication.

You shudder as he slides into you, the stretch is mind numbing. He guides you as you bounce on him, moving faster as that sweet fire begins to build.

Digs his fingers into your hips and slams you down the moment he feels you begin to clench around him. Holds you still with his cock deep inside you.

“Satan” you whine, trying desperately to move against him.

“I’m sorry,” he says as he unpauses the movie. “Do you not like being interrupted?”

Makes you warm his cock while he finishes watching. Every time you move, he backs the film up, adding to the length of your punishment.

When it’s over, though? Oh boy. You won’t be walking tomorrow, that’s for sure.

Asmodeus

“Neither am I!”

The movie is promptly forgotten.

He wastes absolutely no time in getting the both of you naked.

Asmo is nothing if not a tease. He spends an eternity kissing, licking, and sucking bruises into every inch of your skin. He’s got you begging by the time he makes it back up to your lips.

But as much as Asmo loves to tease, he loves to be worshipped even more. You aren’t getting anything until he feels properly appreciated.

You tell him how beautiful he is over and over again as you roll your thumb over the head of his cock, spreading precum over his flushed skin.

“Ah, one more time. Say it one more time,” he whines as you suck gently at each of his balls in turn.

It isn’t until you’ve got him biting his lip, a flush spreading up his chest, that he pulls away from you, pushing you onto your back in the middle of the bed.

“I’m so glad you’re here with me,” he whispers as he kneels between your thighs.

You’d better not expect to get any sleep tonight, because the Avatar of Lust wants to make you feel just as beautiful and loved as you make him.

Beelzebub

Beel has a thing for human world cooking competitions, and you brought home a whole collection of them.

Honestly, you’re not sure how much more Chopped you can watch. Food is not at the forefront of your mind when you’ve got Beel in your bed.

When you lean into him and whisper that you aren’t wearing any panties, the focused demon takes a whole thirty seconds to react.

“Wh-what, (Y/N)? I thought you said...” he trails off, turning scarlet.

You look up at him through your lashes, nodding.

Sweet baby stares down at his hands clutched in his lap.

“Can... Would it be okay if I kissed you... there?”

There’s no sidestepping what this boy wants, even if it takes all his courage to ask for it.

Like you’d say no?

Lets you sit on his face while he demonstrates exactly what gluttony means.

Doesn’t stop, even when you nearly pull his hair out as a second orgasm crashes over you. He might be enjoying this just as much as you are.

You grip the headboard with one hand, reaching behind you with the other, wanting to feel his cock, to give him an ounce of the pleasure he’s giving you. You fumble- a lot- but eventually you do manage to get his fly open.

You spit into your hand before pumping it up and down the length of his shaft. He rocks his hips as you move, and even though together the motion is erratic it seems to work just fine for him, because before you know it he’s shuddering under you as he cums all over his chest and your bare ass.

Belphegor

“So?”

Glances over at you with a single raised eyebrow before returning his attention to the movie you’ve been watching.

You know he’s going to make you work for his attention, and you’ve come prepared.

“I just thought I’d let you know,” you say as you recline on your pillows.

He maintains a solid poker face, even as you begin stroking yourself through your shorts.

You catch him sneaking peeks at you out of the corner of his eye.

But you know you have his full attention when you bring lubricant and a vibrator out of your bedside table.

This demon is an absolute slut for toys. Lots of pleasure with very little work? Now you’re speaking his language.

Is happy to sit back and enjoy the show-- until he isn’t.

“That’s enough of that,” he says, snatching the vibrator out of your hand and tossing it out of your reach. “If you’re so desperate to cum, I’ve got something to get you off.”

Now it’s his turn to lay on the pillows as you fuck yourself on his cock.

Waits until you’re mid-orgasm to take over, grabbing handfuls of your ass and bouncing you up and down until you’re seeing stars.

You’ll definitely have bruises tomorrow, but it’s totally worth it.