#this was a pain in my existence to do
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Old looping animation I banged out in like 2 days last year that I never had a place to post it but now I do so here it is
#hand drawn animation#digital art#the band ghost#the smoke was a pain but also really fun to do#maybe I should post the better version bc that is a thing that also exists#but it is 1:30 am and I cannot be bothered to get out of bed to go get that version off my ipad
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So.
Act 5, huh?

Oh, and that.
"You can start breakdown now."
Finished the game couple of days ago and had some thoughts I needed to process a little. Like. Yes.
So anyway I actually didn't plan this and just wanted to redraw some sprites to just make sure I understand how to draw Siffrin correctly (still working on that!)

What did I learn from this? How fun it it to draw on a canvas that literally doesn't let you draw with colors without some layer cheating when necessary. Never tried it.

The beans. Sleeping beans.
Basically what happens when you want to sleep AND draw. Draw characters sleeping on your behalf.
Doesn't help, but at least it's cute.

I have no idea what was going on in my mind as I drew this. Feels like a fever dream of 'I want to sleep' at 4 am and 'Hm...' of thinking random things
Also that phone craft sign. Still too funny to imagine. I had to.
#fanart#sketch#my art#isat spoilers#isat#siffrin#siffrin isat#isat loop#in stars and time#I also tried to draw the Party too! But that one sketch is too rough yet!#And I'll probably never post it it was fun to draw them tho#Anyway I had /thoughts/ playing Act 5#Not great ones too! I would rather they stayed where I would never even know they exist#But I had to while playing so I did#So it took some time to just sit with everything also I spend a lot of time just doing achievements#One left! The annoying one.#NG+ is fun too#I'm still surprised by how much I enjoyed it#Like 'staying until 6 am playing 10 hours straight' kind of enjoyed#From 'hm I wonder what's it about' to 'yeah I cried multiple times so I think it's allowed to live in my head too'#I got sick multiple times on related and unrelated reasons while playing and planning to play that wasn't fun#Anyway it's cool have some sketches because I couldn't stop drawing last night#I love drawing characters being emotionally in pain but that requires specific mood and music to go with#And not overdoing it#Like when drawing first one 'Aishite' was on loop the whole time#It's b&w too! Red layers are added with 'paste' magic love that
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Right on top of those notes
#dragon age#neve gallus#veilguard#dav#datv#myart#its a wisp free day for once#(I definitely didn't just forget they exist)#yes hello I'm still here I love them I can't leave#I'm a Neve has a streak of grey hair truther now#you ever spend an insane amount of time on something and afterwards go whaa why did I do that ??#I need to step up my painting game that was a painful process and I don't think its supposed to be that hard
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hope you feel better soon!
I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
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Unfortunately my Rook does hold a grudge and announces “Oh look, it’s Dellamorte the lesser.” Everytime Illario enters a room 😔😔
#my girl said ‘Illario Lucanis may like you But That Doesn’t Mean I Do’#she will be making Illario’s existance pain for all his days#dragon age veilguard#dragon age#rook#datv#rook dragon age#illario dellamorte#illario dragon age#personally I LOVE Illario as a character but my rook……… does not#rookanis#lucanis x rook#lucanis dellamorte#lucanis dragon age
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been thinking about pok a lot again and that moment when riz told him sklonda was dating gorthalax (in some capacity or another) and pok just went quiet for a bit before he wished her well and like. he's riz's father to such a degree that it hurts. he died young, got to paradise and then said, ok time to go back to work, chop chop. and he does take breaks to listen to riz at his grave and he works in a beautiful meadow when he's not down in hell and -literally speaking- he does sit down but metaphorically he keeps on going and going.
and i'm just imagining that- obviously he knows that he's dead, right? but the human* brain is weird in that way where you'll know things, and you might even sit with them and think you've processed them, but then something will hit you out of left field and you'll realize there are so many aspects of the situation you hadn't internalized yet, and i think that one of those aspects for pok was sklonda, or rather all the dimensions in which her life branched off after he died. because with riz he'd always been painfully aware that his kid was growing up and changing, but with sklonda it's a bit more complicated, it's a bit easier to process the grief of being apart from her, purely on an unconscious level, as being away for work. he's working, she's working, she probably tells him about her work and about riz and riz includes his mom in his stories and it's like, oh this is horribly painful, that i can't be there, but in a way he and sklonda share a lot of what they used to when he was working abroad, no matter how far apart- they're always connected by their love for each other and the quiet but omnipresent nuptial tie and the state of being riz's parents.
and then he's suddenly hit with the reality of an area of sklonda's life that hadn't been on his mind before, considering they were happily and monogamously married. truly just a matter of like, this is not a space you occupy anymore, you're fucking dead, until death do us part and all that, and she might still love you but she loves you like a dead husband like a source of grief like the man she once knew not a living partner. and it's neither of their faults, it's purely a tragedy, and he genuinely wishes her the best because he loves her, he doesn't want her to be alone nor does he expect her to be faithful past reason and the vow they made to each other. but the grief of it still really fucking stings, doesn't it?
#pok gukgak#sklonda gukgak#riz gukgak#the gukgaks#fantasy high#fhsy#fantasy high sophomore year#i have no idea if this makes sense it's an attempt at articulating mush and they exist as multitudes in my brain#and the tenses are all over the place but rly if u get it u get it#im just incredibly abnormal about pok and sklonda ok its so fucking sad#i do hope that at least i articulated that i dont think pok was jealous or anything so benign and unimportant#i do gen see it as him being grief stricken. keep moving keep moving so u dont have to think abt the pain of others moving#and then GAH riz is so much like him. he rly is so much like his dad. help me#dan talks
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have compassion for yourself and for others. it seems hopeless but any small amount of good you can do is just that much more love in the world
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So i remember an ask mentioning your mortal enemy, Felis Atra and their cats, and i thought it'd be fun to draw what Felis Atra's version of your italian dogs would be.
I think they would be called Butter Knife and Flamengo! Butter Knife is not his real name, it's an nickname given by his peers because of how harmless he is. I choose Flamengo because that's the name of Vasco's rival football team here in Brazil, so i thought that was the perfect name :)
Cat Machete was slightly inspired by the Oriental Shorthair cat because of their long noses and thin head shape.


Cat Vasco was inspired by the Scottish Fold cat, because FLOPPY EARS. I gave Flamengo longer ears and orange fur to make him more like his look-alike.


The last doodle is a reference to this ask (https://canisalbus.tumblr.com/post/728923918314946560/me-i-am-machete-ear-fan-number-1-those-ears) and contains the tumblr ask stand-in dog, whose cat version was inspired by the American Curl cat! They have round ears that are slightly floppy outwards.


Final notes: I know cardinal clothes don't come in vibrant blue, but i was ADAMANT on switching Machete's and Vasco's clothing color patterns. I would draw the rest of Butter Knife's and Flamengo's clothes, but i suck at designing cool outfits.
Speaking of outfits, for Machete's iconic void outfit, i figured it would be fun to make it more baggy for Butter Knife, in contrast to Machete's, that looks very tight-fitted. I think it's cute, it kinda looks like a sweater. Also i can't imagine a Machete doppelganger without high heels boots, so those HAD to stay.
Oh, and just to be clear, i'm not like, claiming ownership of these guys or anything. I just thought it would be a fun exercise. Hope you like them!! I love your art and your characters.
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#imagine if Vaschete but CATS and REVERSED -> Butter knife ;_; and Flamengo <3#this ask is from last year and I'm sorry I've allowed it sit in my inbox for so long ´m`#but I've been thinking about it intermittedly#the context was that someone said that somewhere out there existed my mortal enemy (felis atra = black/dark cat)#and they had frenzied cat ocs instead of melancholic dogs#first of all they both look so darling I'm getting radiation poisoning just from looking at them aaaaaa#and the fact you put so much thought and effort into this concept is making me go absolutely rabid#extremely strange seeing Machete with big pupils and Vasco with tiny pinpoints#Butter knife purring like a fluffy jackhammer is instant serotonin I love him#and yes if you turned Machete to a cat he'd probably be something resembling an oriental shorthair#especially one of those really exaggerated ones with giant bat ears and roman nose#and I keep visualizing Vasco as a scottish fold as well but it's kind of giving me sad bad feels personally#I can't look past their painful and debilitating health issues#the same mutation that causes the floppy ears also destroys the cartilage in their joints#it's such a shame because they're a terribly cute and charming breed#and in this case they really do have those similar rounded friendly shapes that Vasco does#if I ever draw them as cats myself I'll probably have to think of some other breed for him even though it would be such a perfect fit#also I think it's funny how you can swap everything else but Machete's heels have to stay :'> don't separate the crinkle and his boots#thank you so much! this was such a cool ask to receive I love how you designed their cat forms#gift art#dingergum#Machete#Vasco#own characters#Vaschete scenarios
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If I see one more post painting Batman as the violent one that beat up poor people and Red Hood as the one stopping him, I'm going to lose it, I swear. Like, Jason kills people, he is the most violent one of the two just for doing that, but also, CANONICALLY, Bruce gives second chances to people, giving jobs in his company to ex-felons, will take off the mask if he recognizes people who are doing crimes as people WE is financially helping to go ask them as Bruce if they need more money, helps people who did crimes because they needed money to survive... I'm tired of y'all erasing Bruce's character to uplift Jason.
#batman#bruce wayne#jason todd#red hood#batfam#dc comics#my ramblings#the clowns that love to point out Batman's violence to argue as if Red Hood doesn’t do the same thing + kill people tire me out#Bruce *adopts the kid that stole from him* the fandom: Bruce beats up poor people that steal to survive!#You are inventing shit to make your boy look better and I hate it so much#let me be clear I do not dislike Jason#l dislike how y'all are diminishing other characters' good deeds or pain to make him look better#Bruce pays for the college tuition of the majority of students there student debts don't exist in Gotham he's doing more than the president
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just rewatched avengers endgame with my mother and i cried because of steve's ending (not in the way the writers intended) and my mother just looked at me with knowing in her eyes bc she knew i'd go nuclear. now in our house we call him the bad writing boogeyman.
#avengers endgame#anti endgame#steve rogers#captain america#stucky#i do really love steve though just not in endgame definitely not#i love the way he passes the shield to sam#but everything else was baaaad#the look in bucky's eyes the entire time... so painful#my poor son he deserved a happy ending with cap but actually he deserves better than a man who would ditch him for the 40s#i love peggy too she's awesome but steve's mischaracterization takes away her character's agency too#i pretend endgame doesn't exist#marvel#mcu#avengers
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trying to exist while my body is just constantly fighting my internal organs is exhausting i wish i could just teleport into a body that works
#bit of a sad post but i wish my body just worked the way it should#i shouldn’t have to do a million and one things just to exist without so much pain you know#gonna just try my best to look after myself as much as i can#i advise you all to look after yourselves also
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Im bad at writing coherent things but I need to get this concept out of my head so it stops haunting me.
I had this idea for another fic called The Undine Colony.
The setting would be the second colony by the sea- started when Sol is in their forties- the story taking place an unknown time after that.
It starts with the alarm that the original Stratospheric colony has gone silent. Collapsed all its networks, killed every signal, spirited away every colonist. As it still houses much of humanity's most advanced tech, like the servers for their holonet, essential parts of the power grid, this is an issue of extreme urgency.
And who better to turn to in their moment of need than Sol? So here they are suddenly jolted into wakefulness.
Their first thought is that they cannot feel their body. They quickly learn they are not in fact the real Sol, but only an AI copy made of their brain-scan from many decades ago. Though they cannot access the future vision as an ephemeral bit of software, they have superior computing on their side.
The gist of it being that AI Sol is now in charge of the 2nd colony to replace the hole left by Congruence, all while being tasked to figure out whats happening to the og colony & trying to reestablish contact. Aaand trying to piece together their own existence on top of it. Trying to find out what even happened to the original Sol. If they have something to do with this blackout.
So yeah, itd be slowly unfurling that mystery, piecing together the gap in their memory & issues of personhood.
#texted post#why yes I have played SOMA and it did irrevocable damage to my psychology#true pain is still being unsure if I should just spill the twists and resolutions or not#on the off chance I do end up attempting to write it after all...#bcus yes I do know whats happening uwu#and if sol is alive n what they have been up to#theres some very very fun revelations abt that in particular#also very much based on my fave greg egan stories#aka making a fucking digital copy of yourself to inhabit your smart tech#severence also has good shit like that...#torture yourself until you finally agree to live this subpar existence#one big downside to it is that itd p much be an all new cast#much of the og cast would be dead or very old and most likely stayed w the original colony#like I could maaybe get away w a middle aged nougat or smthn but thats not much to go on. n maybe some gardener contact...#getting a small dose of good feedback(even when its on an unrelated fic) sure does awful things 2 my brain like suddenly inspire me to want#to do more of it#i was a teenage exocolonist#if somebody wants to adopt this idea we can talk uwu
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Your post about art vs content got me thinking about the differences between the two. To me there is no difference besides the mindsets. One is of creator and the enjoyer, the other is content and consumer it removes the personhood, the joy/emotion, from the equation. Like a writer or video creator may not see their work as art so content creator maybe a way to refer to themselves comfortably but it sounds so machine, emotionless and lifeless, like a cookie cutter recipe mass producing something verses people lovingly crafting something...then again Disney uses a cookie cutter recipe for the most part and it brings out bangers cause people lovingly make it their own so maybe I'm thinking too hard on this
Does my long-winded rant make sense?
see, I get what you mean, but I still feel like the willingness to entertain calling art of any kind "content" reduces it to the facet of consumption where in reality, the experience of consuming art is not the sole defining trait of it.
Reducing arts like music, writing, painting, dance, voice acting, theater, etc. to the role of "content"- a thing created to be consumed, measured and valued by how pleasant or easy it is to digest- I feel that it was our biggest red flag to herald the incoming tide of AI "art".
Because if art is "content", if arts are nothing but consumable matter, then obviously the key to success is to produce as much soft, tasty, edible paste as we possibly can at the lowest possible expense.
It's the same issue I have with "meal replacements", diet culture, nutrient slurries, twenty-step skincare routines, 24/7 body padding and shapewear and laxative teas and "grind culture". It's not a cause, but a symptom, of the disease that is late-stage capitalism.
Things must be produced at low cost and remain in high demand forever. Things must be perfect and palatable and the new hit trend forever. People must pay hand over fist to consume without asking anything in return, and if they start dropping like flies at the unending unrewarded thankless demand of it all, then that must be treated as a weakness. We should all take pride in how much we can spend, pay, give, produce, and think as little as possible about what we ask for ourselves.
So, who cares if, of two identical paintings, one was made by a person and one was made by a computer program? It's the same work, so what does it matter? What does it matter?
I am an artist. I make art. I ask a question, make a statement, declare something horrific or challenging or upsetting or wrong or grotesque, and when you respond, we are together experiencing a conversation. We are existing, two people living one life and reaching out and touching across time and space. No matter the work, you're at the barest minimum saying, "I'm alive, and you're alive, and at one time or another we shared this same world, and at the end of the day we aren't too terribly different. My heart is worth sharing, and your heart is worth the struggle of understanding."
An AI-generated piece, a computer-generated voice, a CGI puppet of someone long since dead and gone, they cannot speak. They have no voice. Ay best, they are the most chewable, consumable, landlord-beige common denominator possible that you can sit and listen to like the lone survivor of a shipwreck listening to the same three songs on a broken record, and at worst, they're the uncaring vomit of an empty, unloving, value-addled hack wearing the skin of someone I know over their own.
When you abandon art to say that you make content, that should not be a point of pride. That's an embarrassment. That's not sitting down for an intelligent discussion with an equal, that's kneeling at the feet of the crowd and saying, "what do you want to see me do? I can be anyone you've ever loved. I can be them, I can be anyone, as long as you love me."
I can make content. I can be consumed. What do you want to consume? I'll make myself consumable. I'll make myself just like anything you like. And I'll make so much of it that you'll never have to go anywhere else, because it'll all be right here, and under all the cut-and-paste schlock you've seen before I will sit alone in the dark and the silence and I will know that I am safe, because I am valued, because I am desired, and I need to be desired or else I am worthless like a factory that no longer churns out steel or a hen that no longer lays eggs or a cow that is too old to make milk.
Content, the most literal meaning, is something which is contained inside a container. What it is doesn't really matter, and the best it can hope to be is something worthy of being scooped out and used.
Art is an experience that transcends value. Art is something you can eat without paying for. You can make it out of anything and anyone can do it. It can be crude and vulgar and bad, and that's a strength because it means something. It always, always means something, and it doesn't matter if you like it or not. It's not content because it doesn't fill anything. It's a living, breathing thing, and whether you want to birth it or eat it, then you're going to have to be willing to put the fucking work in
#I want to apologize but I'm not going to#This is important to me#I do not want to create content#I do not want to be universally loved#I do not want my existence to revolve around being used#I'm not a machine I'm a person and I'll do what makes me happy#Even if that isn't good or useful#I don't want to be pretty I want to be alive#Don't look at me#I'm breathing#I'm screaming#I'm ugly and sharp and painful to hold#And that is not a bad thing#To come back to
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Every single scene that includes fake Blixa and Nick from the 2015 movie Punk Berlin 1982 ♡
#for people who just want the kiss scene it's at like 1:07 🙄#this film exists nowhere subbed i had to download a dodgy subtitle pack and sync it up MYSELF#too much commitment for like a 4/10 film but like...#anyway enjoy my pain for you guys <3#nick cave#blixa bargeld#also there's a neubauten performance!#einsturzende neubauten#einstürzende neubauten#industrial#punk#nick cave and the bad seeds#the birthday party#alexander scheer#did you know Alexander has played bowie blixa and keith Richards#tom schilling#he made the rest of the film worth it tbh#nixa#ig i have to tag that too 🙄#timelines do NOT exist in this film fyi don't question it#anyway...#hi nick cave tumblr..#do you remember me#I'm the Anita lane fan who posted about nick caves fumbling tendencies
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for various rl and depression reasons I haven't actually gotten to play da:tv for quite a few days now, and I cannot adequately convey to you the sheer hilarity of the effect hearing lucanis' voice again just had on me. I was fully in the deepest trough of a depressive slump, still breathing but by no means what I would describe as 'alive', heard him Say Something (as he does), and immediately something in my soul went 'oh yeah no this changes everything actually I just forgot for a moment there sorry for the inconvenience'. like my depression is not healed or anything (it never is :') ) but it did lift its crushing weight from my entire being by a significant amount and let discernible light in where there had been pitch dark unshifting misery before. this is so funny. no real life human contact or warmth, no high ideals, no wise words encouraging hope, no awe nor curiosity over the infinite complexity and wonder of the universe has managed to do what lucanis dellamorte breezily coming to terms with the grand necropolis by grasping its role in nevarra's financial system just did in an instant, 'what like it's hard' style. no one is more baffled than me to find that it's not even a bit he just does that to me. that literally just happened. mary kirby I unironically kind of owe you my life
#emotional support lucanis dellamorte Saying (Insane) Things like they're the most obvious thing in the world saves lives apparently#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#lucanis dellamorte#listen. i feel so much shame all the time about how the things that seem to help other people... don't really seem to help me much#all the 'this is good for everyone' stuff fails to bring me relief pretty much 100% of the time and all it does#is add alienation and shame to the mix. this is a twenty year long pattern. I don't think there's much getting away from it#so when something does actually kind of work even if it's not replicable or under my control and it somehow is also FUNNY...#we must take those#perhaps I am a strange grotesquery of inconsolable pain untouchable by and implacable to human warmth and comfort#but at least I am soul-level committed to the bit and I suppose that is something#social connection meditation and healthy excercise? GOD how i've tried and over decades it has not cumulatively helped#even as much as this one blorbo moment did. i'm not ok but I am living in a universe suddenly where I understand the state#of ok at least conceptually. like oh yeah. it is a thing. it's not what I am but it is a state that exists. do you see what I'm saying#also why I frankly just don't care what anyone else thinks or feels about this game. to me it's been this and that'll still be true#no matter what. which is another kind of relief as well.
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I… was tricked. Everything he said was a lie. Kolbe is a wicked man. If only… that were true. Things would be much easier. But it's not so. He's a good man. He really is looking out for me. This must be the best I can hope for. This is my reality.
#orb on the movements of the earth#chi chikyuu no undou ni tsuite#jolenta#count piast#kolbe#myedit#mygif#orbedit#shit this scene is painful to watch#centuries later there has been a lot of progress but#the discrimination of women in professional fields still exist#cases in my place women tend to be looked down at than men#when clearly they are at least equally expert#and idk if its the worst part or not#but most who do the look down dont even realize its wrong
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