#this was a fun mental exercise
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BL/QL Ask game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst
Thank you for the game, @clara-maybe-ontheroad! And thanks for tagging me @clara-maybe-ontheroad and @lurkingshan! I started out by saying to myself that I'm going to do my best to ignore my urges and just answer the first thing that comes to me rather than treating this like a quiz. And then I went into a fugue and worked on this for >5 hours. WHOOPS.
Original version here for anyone else who wants to play!
Also quick warning, this is asking about the worsts, so TW for mentions of horrific plot points below.
Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL
Ohhhhh man, ok so the first thought that came to mind was Never Let Me Go, which mostly had fantastic background music, and that's maybe why when it didn't hit it stood out so badly (sorry to my man Pond, not all BL actors should be singers! And having his OST play over their kiss in Part 7 4/4 was just mean). For the record I love this show (actually maybe it should go in one of the below categories because so many tumblr folks dislike it) but this was rough.
Most cringe-inducing line (cute)
These don't tend to stick with me...there are so many, and I am allergic to sincerity so everything earnest is various levels of cringe to me. So with that in mind, basically everything Gavreel ever said in Gameboys counts.
Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad)
Anytime someone said "Once I start I won't be able to stop" or some variation.
Most stupid decision made by a character
Jun Ho deciding to die rather than bite Min Hyun in Kissable Lips. Min Hyun was offering. it would have made Jun Ho human. He could have had his friends around to make sure he didn't go too far and kill him. Instead he decides to fade away in his arms like a dick. WHY.
Special mention to NuengDiao going back to his hotel where his murderous uncle is waiting with no plan other than to walk in wearing a suit and a cocky expression in Never Let Me Go.
[@bengiyo and @wen-kexing-apologist are correct about Teh giving up his spot to Oh Aew in I Told Sunset About You as the actual correct answer, btw]
Worst plot line
Every penultimate episode crises resulting in the leads splitting up so that they can reunite in the finale that are not earned and significantly detract from my enjoyment of a series [this list is not comprehensive]: 2Gether, Minato's Laundromat S2, Enchanté, Love Class, Plus & Minus.
The most problematic show you've watched
I've seen literally all of them so this feels like an unfair question lol there are layers of problematic; like, is it even worth considering all of the problems with A Round Trip to Love, or The Shortest Distance is Round, or What the Duck s2? I wrote out summaries for these and then decided no thanks. If anyone wants to know they can DM me.
In terms of series that are problematic but not often considered problematic, I'm calling out Love Area the series. It hits two of my pet peeves: shitty treatment of a poor character by an oblivious rich love interest that directly affects their sources of income, and an ableist subplot. I think it also has an unearned separation in the penultimate episode but honestly I remember thinking they should stay split up so maybe it was earned.
A show people love but you find bad
Vice Versa. Sorry to all who love that show. I wanted to like it; the colouring and cinematography are beautiful and the alternate universe was neat worldbuilding. But the plot makes me so, so angry.
Ditto Cutie Pie the series. I just can't enjoy it.
A show people find bad but you will defend
Honestly there are several, but the one that is most disliked that I will ride hardest for is probably Secret Crush On You (which I argued ended with one of the most healthy relationships in a BL here LMAO). I get why people find this show hard to watch, the cringe is real. But the gender expression! The found family! The "he's a weirdo and that's why I love him" dynamic! The mutual lusting! The body dysphoria! The fact that both start by playing into BL tropes and it's only by throwing those out that they can actually have a meaningful relationship! The way both characters have real growth! And like yes Toh is a fanboy stalker but that is problematized in the show! It gave us the growth from fanboy to faen that Be Mine Superstar didn't. I have a lot of emotions about this show.
ALSO because I cannot stop, I will forever to my dying breath defend Color Rush. I don't care what you say about dead fish kisses I can't hear you over the incredibly powerful metaphor about the queer experience!
A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it
Bahahhaha. Um. So many, my friends. OH I'm going to take this chance to shout out the lesser-known webseries Discipline Z: Vampire (Korean, YouTube, 2020). It's ostensibly a sequel to Discipline, but the only thing they share is a single character so you don't need to watch it to understand what's happening in Discipline Z (they are entirely different shows in every way; Discipline is more youth slice of life with a queer story as part of the ensemble). Listen, I'm talking about this show in this category for a reason; it's about a vampire who falls for a street dancer, whose motley crew of hacker friends help rescue the vampire from an evil corporation that wants to experiment on him to understand his immortality. It is BAD.
But. BUT! I love it. Everyone is so pretty. There is a cute hacker girlie. There is scifi nonsense to explain immortality. There is a good kiss. There are characters willing to sacrifice to do the right thing. I am a simple woman. [Fair warning to my happy ending only pals: this ending is ambiguous at best; there was supposed to be a follow-up epilogue for the couple, but it never got filmed.]
Bonus, En of Love was absolutely trash and it has a very special place in my heart. It's not good (like, at all), but it's great.
A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated
Let's go with Physical Therapy the series. At some point I just kept watching like a car wreck to see how bad it could get. Also shout-out to Dinosaur Love, which was...similarly bewildering.
A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny
@lurkingshan already stole my first answer for this, but oh man I stay a Why R U apologist for the Fighter/Tutor chemistry. I actually think somewhere in there is a really interesting show, if the pandemic hadn't made it impossible for them to film the ending that they wanted to, but based on the Korean version and the parts that we were told had to be cut, maybe it would have actually made it worse. But just to get on my soapbox for half a sec, Tutor was in debt, working himself to exhaustion, and Fighter (after he got over himself) protected him at his one job, joined him to help him meet his sales targets at another, hired him for a third, paid off his debt collector to take the pressure off, and then took him on vacation to help him relax--twice. I have issues with depictions of poverty in BL but at least my man secured the bag while also pursuing love or whatever. Also he whispers "get inside me" while they're making out, sorry, Tutor will forever be a fave of mine.
Since that's taken, I'm going to use this as an excuse to shout out the hotness of My Day the Series. It was predominantly not great but the heat moments....
A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character
I'm giving this to Noey Watplu from I Will Knock You. I was obsessed with him. I want his confidence so badly. I love how he's essentially a dork in cosplay but gets away with it because of his rizz. Truly iconic. This man decided he was being seduced and said "bet". I really enjoyed this show because of him and him alone.
A bad show that you would still recommend
I'm going to put Ghost Host Ghost House here. It's "bad" in the sense that it had low production values (like, really bad, so bad the time of day changes at random because they lost the light while filming). But the romance was cute, the story around the romance was interesting, the worldbuilding around the merit credits was fascinating, the side mystery was so heartbreaking, the various characters actually had a lot of difficult emotions to portray, and overall I think this show is underrated.
I also already have and will again recommend YYY as a fun and fascinating watch to anyone who asks about it, @waitmyturtles is correct on that call.
The character that ruined a show the most
There are several annoying sides in BL, but I'm giving this to the side hets in My Oxygen. A fujoshi who records people without their consent for online clout is bad. A doctor using his role as a doctor to get closer to his patient is really bad. Pretending to be interested in his friend because the girl he likes is a fujoshi is worse; then using her brother as his friend's stand-in when his friend won't put up with it anymore is the WORST.
Most awful character that you hated
I mean, Lhong in TharnType takes it for not only arranging the gang rape of Tar, but being forgiven for it in the series. Neung in Tonhon Chonlatee comes a close second for attempting to rape Chonlatee and then claiming the moral high ground against his homophobic "friend". Tony in History 5: Love in the Future doesn't get enough hate for trying to murder someone just because he was his love rival. Namning in La Cuisine had her love rival bullied, beaten and who knows what she was going to do with that gun. Also shoutout to @wen-kexing-apologist's answer of Korn, in KinnPorsche, he was so insidiously evil, it was so well done.
Most awful character that you loved
I'm going with "awful" as not necessarily (just) morally bad but that people didn't like: Jaime from Win Jaime's Heart. Objectively he's a fuckboi of the worst calibre. He agrees to go on a webshow in which he dates Heart so that he can seduce the creator of the show Winston. And Jaime is so charming that I don't care about his bi wrongs (partially, to be fair, because the premise is ridiculous so it's hard to take too seriously).
Special mention (because it's not a series) to Wine in Red Wine in the Dark Night. I love a murder twink (speaking of, things are looking really good for me to stay in love with Ai Di from Kiseki if it keeps on this track).
If we're interpreting "awful" as characters that other people don't like, it'll probably go to Toh from Secret Crush on You or Gus in Diary of Tootsies. They're flawed, they're femme, they're fantastic.
A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like
Can in Love By Chance and the sequels. Tinn is an asshole and knows it; Can is an asshole but is also self-righteous, but in all honesty his biggest flaw for me is that he's not competent and I have little patience for that.
A hero that should have been a villain
Tempted to give this to Ko from Love Poison for essentially trying to love spell date rape his love interest--this is only not that bad because magic isn't real so of course it doesn't do anything.
Possibly Athit (Boun's character) from Even Sun? I put a question mark there because this was so convoluted and hard to follow I'm not even 100% sure I remember it right, but from what I remember, this was not a romantic story at all.
Taking a totally different approach to the question, Joke from Hidden Agenda should have been a secret villain (in the sense that he should have been scheming and sociopathic but hiding it, ineffectually, from Zo) in order to make the series make sense, but apparently I can't have nice things.
And finally, special mention to Phu in The Promise for being the villain for so many of us already.
A morally bad character you're into
Zhu Zi Shu, canon war criminal and child murderer from Word of Honor. He thought he was doing bad things for good reasons (protecting the people he loves), realized he was just doing bad things and the people he loves were all dead anyway, and crafted a convoluted plot to get out of the secret society rules that he created to prevent anyone from leaving. And then he wanders aimless until he meets Wen Ke Xing and becomes as loyal to this equally morally dubious man as he was to his secret society. I love him (and them) so much.
Same type of deal, different scale of crime: Akk from The Eclipse. I have a soft spot for this trope.
A morally bad character you're not into and you wish people would stop being into
Xue Yang from The Untamed. Also a mass murderer, but doing it just for the vibes/to avenge his finger, so he gets zero love from me. People woobify him just because he's sassy it's...rough.
The show that disappointed you the most
From hype to execution? So Much in Love / Ni Yam Ruk. I slogged through such awful subs TWICE (because they claimed they redid them, but they are still terrible) to try to give this show a chance, because the premise sounded right up my alley. I still think there's a show in there that I would have liked, but it is literally unwatchable.
Most disappointed from what the show seemed like it was doing at the start to what it delivered in full is a tie between The Shipper and Step By Step.
The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons
That's My Candy. I've only ever dropped/not finished I think 3 or so shows? And this was the most painful and the one I am least likely to ever finish. The pairing was overplayed, the comedy was heavy handed, and the plot was absolutely cringe inducing. It was literally torture trying to watch this.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading!
Tagging @visualtaehyun @nothingsbetterthancoffee @lurkingteapot @snidgetwrites @formayhem @slayerkitty @respectthepetty @ginnymoonbeam no pressure as always! And if you play and I didn't tag you but you're reading this, tag me anyway! I love reading everyone's answers.
#worst bl shows the ask game#ask game#tag game#thanks for the tag!#this was a fun mental exercise#multi bl
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If anyone's wondering how the new VN for the Monstrous Desires jam is going,,
#idek if MO players would be into the game im working on rn but!!!#its a creative exercise and im having fun! i cant do much mentally these days but write#im a little out of my depth so im just gonna make stuff up aaaaaa#they call it science FICTION for a reason baybee!!!!#cant wait to start designing this new gremlin#cheea chatter#bts
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hope you feel better soon!
I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
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I... have a confession to make, of sorts. There won't ever be a good time to admit this, unfortunately, so it's best I get this off my chest now, and ask for forgiveness rather than permission.
It has not been easy speaking with all of the flashclones who have made themselves known in the wake of Union's latest raids; both for myself, and the squadron at large. I must commend my squadmates for handling themselves with the utmost professionalism - while my own correspondences with these newest members of the Omninet have been what I would consider adequately polite, I've been biting my tongue the entire time, and I fear that my personal discomfort with the issue is starting to slip through the cracks.
To this end, I wish to share my thoughts publicly, that I might better express my own emotions towards this complicated, frustrating, and highly nuanced issue. I only ask that you hear me out in full before you render judgement, and pronounce your sentence carefully.
First: an observation.
MSMC policy requires that all pilots dictate an end-of-life plan at the time of their recruitment, that their final wishes may be carried out by the company in the event of their death under MSMC's employ. The options provided for this are effectively unlimited, allowing the pilot a great deal of choice and freedom in planning their postmortem arrangements. These plans may also be altered in the future should circumstances change, provided the pilot is of sound body and mind.
Under MSMC policy, in compliance with the policies set forth by Union, one of the available postmortem options is flashcloning.
In my fifteen-odd years serving under MSMC, I have only heard of three pilots who have willingly chosen to be flashcloned after death (thus prolonging not only their life, but their term of service under MSMC as well). Of these, I have only personally met one, affiliated with MSMC-808 "5Q8R3 L00P3RZ" - I believe their current iteration goes by callsign Lemniscate. While I do not know how many times they have been cloned during their term of service, their current iteration seems happy enough, and their squadmates reassure me that they've maintained a consistent identity (plus or minus the odd quirk, as is typical of flashclones) throughout their life (lives?).
Second: a digression.
I purchased my Dusk Wing, And The Voice of Apollo Spoke From On High (Apollo for short), from an SSC showroom on a planet whose name I no longer recall. The curated atmosphere called to mind the high marble pillars and lush green-blue waters of some distant Cradle mythology where gods roamed the earth and mortals strove to emulate them, punished and rewarded for their folly in equal measure with gifts and curses beyond name. Each frame was posed as the statues of old on Cradle, too-human limbs arrayed in too-human poses, each a machine of war turned living art piece.
Apollo, true to its future name, was arrayed in flight; hover-jets draped with sunlight-yellow gossamer, veil rifle aimed in its middle tier of manipulators with the same care and precision as an archer would take with their bow. To see it lowered to the floor after its purchase was to see Icarus fall; to climb inside its cockpit for the first time, to don wax-and-feather wings of my own and fly.
The old tales caution that divinity has a cost, and I too paid the price. A vial of blood, drawn with silver needle and spirited away into an unseen cooler before my pen ever touched paper. Apollo was mine, but SSC had received a far greater gift in its place: a sample of my DNA, unwillingly donated as the price for my divine armament.
Even now, this price weighs heavy on my head like the sword which hung above Damocles, poised to drop without a moment's notice with each new Union raid on yet another forgotten cloning facility. Who can say on what distant planet the children I did not birth sleep in stasis - children with my eyes, my hair, my nose, my smile; sons and daughters who will never be called as such because, to their creators, they are slaves, weapons, property - anything but human.
Third: an explanation.
I believe that flashcloning, in its current state as of 5016u, as approved by Union's Third Committee (and exploited by the likes of SSC, HA, and several countless others across the stars) is an inherently unethical practice; both for those who donate their DNA (willingly or otherwise), as well as for those persons produced by it.
To see countless lives created, manipulated, slaughtered, and recycled in the name of so-called "progress"; to see inherently human beings stripped of every vestige of humanity but the body in which they reside and then forcibly brainwashed and molded into soldiers, medics, mechanics, weapons, machines, slaves, property - it is an abominable and inhumane practice that should have died a slow and painful death in the darkness from whence it was birthed.
This being said: I cannot stand idly by as the products of this inhumane practice continue to suffer. No matter whether it is beneath the apathetic gaze of Union, the dehumanizing bootheel of HA, or the eugenicist scalpel of SSC, I will not allow my fellow persons to endure another day of abuse at the hands of those who would abandon their own creations as little more than imperfect failures for daring to remind their creators of their sentience.
Alone, I can do nothing. I too am but a cog in this great uncaring machine humanity has built, one which prospers on suffering and bloodshed and the work of hands which have forgotten the body to which they are attached. Even if I were to risk life and limb and reputation to make my position known, it is a battle which lies dead in the water - it is impossible to halt the wheels of progress without irreparably damaging the future which relies on their turning.
And so I fight. I fight for those who have forgotten their humanity, both willingly and unwillingly, that they might find something of their own - identity, purpose, desires, connection, life - that reminds them of what they were and are and always have been: human.
-- Angel
#lancer rpg#lancer ttrpg#lancerrpg#// my squadmates do not know I am posting this - I could never hope to even begin to explain myself to them#// I only hope that when this post is inevitably discovered it will be forgiven; just as I have forgiven theirs in the past#OOC: jokes on all of you - you get a big fat lore(?) post as well as art this time around#holy shit this was so much fun to write - P has some COMPLEX feelings on this particular issue and do I ever enjoy writing ethical dilemmas#marrying “maybe nobody deserves to suffer actually” and “holy fuck flashcloning is unethical as sin” was a fun mental exercise#can you tell I'm an old hand in the SCP fandom? because this basically felt like writing a piece for the Ethics Committee#(not that I've ever published anything on the SCP wiki - that shit stays firmly in my Google Docs and the Discord messages of my friends)#I'm looking forward to seeing the feedback to this one; both in and out of character - I suspect this one's gonna be controversial#(also - addressing the elephant in the room: Phoenix is older than I draw her; both she and Slipshod have been with MSMC for about 15 years#(as has been stated in prior tales Kennedi has only been here for 12 years - she may be less experienced but she sure knows how to lead)
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brothers, i will need your thots and prayers my cat's not doing good
#having your mental health hinging on your lil guys is all fun and games#until they're at the vet and you don't know if they can get treatment#doing fucken breathing exercises to NOT think about the worst case scenario yall#but like.. did i cry multiple times? yep
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i would actually love to hear your thoughts on when layton would emote the ways you've drawn him! if you want! no pressure if not!
OH B OY HERE WE GO!!!!! again take everything with a grain of salt bc i Forgor bits of the series
BLANKET SPOILER FOR UNWOUND FUTURE/MIRACLE MASK MAYBE??/AZRAN LEGACY
(for reference we are talking abt this post)
SURPRISE: As we know in the PL series, it's very very hard to catch the professor off-guard in any way. Most of the things you would think would surprise him, he's already known for a long time and was just keeping quiet about it so that he could use that information at the right time.
With that being said, the times where he does seem to get somewhat surprised (or taken aback. he's so goddamn emotionally constipated) seem to be when the shocker in question has personal relation to him. Though in the series proper, none of the shocking personal factoids are ever presented in a way to make him jump. So theoretically, if any twists like Claire or Descole's reveal were presented much more aggressively, he might emote like how I've drawn him (though I kinda doubt it). Or just jumpscare him lmao
SADNESS: Obviously we know that Layton can feel sadness and cry, though even at the end of Unwound Future it's clear that he's still holding back with his crying. I'd wager that it's because he's out in public and around an impressionable individual (Luke) that he's not letting himself fully express his grief. After all, a true gentleman never makes a scene in public.
I'd say, if he were to cry like the way I've drawn him (that is, bawling his eyes out), it'd probably be at the end of UF when Luke leaves for America, and he'd have to be alone. And I mean completely alone. He'd be very careful about having anyone even remotely near him before he breaks down sobbing; he'd wait for Luke to go home, and wait a while to make sure that he hears no other footsteps around who could potentially walk in on him, before crying. And even then, he'd still repress it - trying to choke back sobs to make sure he isn't heard, pulling the brim of his hat over his eyes and covering his eyes with his hand, the works. Because sadness/crying is weakness to him, and a true gentleman can never show weakness.
ANGER: Frankly, I feel like this is one of the emotions I've drawn that I actually could see him showing in the series proper. We've seen him in Unwound Future just barely holding back his anger at Clive when he endangered Flora/started wrecking havoc on London (obviously still restrained- yadda yadda yadda "true gentleman" blah blah blah).
To get him to unrestrain it, I'd say you would have to put a lot of people he cares about (particularly his wards - Luke and Flora would likely be excellent choices) in direct danger, as well as taunt him to a personal degree enough times. Because even the Professor has limits to how much mental strain he can take, and all limits can be broken. It's just a matter of pushing the right (or wrong!) buttons on him.
FEAR: This one's tough I think. As an adult who's seen a lot (including his own death), it's pretty hard to find something that would really scare him to that degree. Throughout the series the most he seems to show in terms of fear is either: a) surprise that he quickly recovers from, or b) the end of Unwound Future when he realizes that Claire can't stay with him.
I say that theoretically (and REALLY emphasize on the "theoretically"), you might be able to get him to emote the way I've drawn him... if you subject him to anything akin to his recently unrepressed memories of his childhood, and he's rendered helpless to do anything to help but watch. But like I said, only theoretically. I'd wager that he'd probably just be angry too.
LAUGHTER: ...I honestly have no good clue to how or when he'd emote like this. For him to laugh so heartily, he'd have to be in a state of extreme emotional vulnerability, which isn't often.
I'd say it'd be at a time where he's feeling very relieved, or elated (and they'd both have to be situations that connect to him personally too; outside events won't phase him). How he'd laugh to such an extent I'm not actually sure, BUT I could paint a bit of a scenario: It's the end of UF, but Claire could actually stay without dying, and she makes a sort of lighthearted joke in light of the events. Would he laugh wholeheartedly? I dunno. But judging on what we've seen of him, it's a maybe.
It's a shame we never get to see him emote so colourfully in the hexalogy proper, but as I've stated before in another long-winded half-legible ramble character analysis, he's SEVERELY repressing his emotions due to Claire's last words/"gentleman" values/positive reinforcements from his peers and environments for successfully hiding his emotions. Poor guy.
#mak talks smack#mak talks back#professor layton#hershel layton#character analysis#i guess.?#mostly just me yapping eternally while trying to make sure i'm actually understood#i was waiting until i had enough mental capacity to type this on my laptop so sorry for the wait anon#but this is the gist of what i think#ALSO I FEEL THE NEED TO ADD#I DO NOT HATE CLAIRE IN ANY WAY AT ALL!!!#she's just made some very unfortunate wording choices which have exacerbated his repression issues further :(#but like i said in the art post the laughing one i put in bc i felt bad. lmao#most of the emotions i've drawn were just fun exercises for me#realistically would he show half of them? probably not#but oh well#still it's fun to draw him feeling extremes#especially when his face is just :-) or :-|#limitations are the key to progress!!
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Doodles: Miles vs Mark
#vorkosigan saga#miles vorkosigan#mark vorkosigan#it’s so fun to draw these two together#their body types and personalities are so different and yet it’s the same face what a good challenge#especially in the mental exercise of how does mark try to distinguish himself from miles aside from the obvious? answer: become orb#hair? orb. body? orb.#rocking the business casual turtleneck and blazer#Chell sea art
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THE BARD OF RAGE IS ON THE LOOSE
#Gamzee Makara#Kurloz Makara#The Grand Highblood#Homestuck#Splickedydoodles#blood tw#some warmups with a real large brush to loosen my hand up#skewing as ever to the direction of my fav character(s) OOPS#I have the utmost respect for beefy GHB headcanons but I will continue to stretch this man out like the world's meanest piece of taffy#i should try drawing some beefy makaras sometime I think the mental strain would be immense but it could be a fun exercise lol
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bapple append ap lfggggg
#such a fun append chart. was a lot of fun to dissect it and figure out how to do each part reliably#append is a fun mental exercise#me.txt#project sekai
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quick note - this blog is gonna be sparse again for at least this week. trying new medications and tbh initial side effects are not super pleasant + actual effects build up. as a result: currently as if unmedicated for mental health, with anxiety+ side effect, extra fatigue, dizziness, and fatigue. it's uh, sure something.
totally recognize that most of y'all know we're absent at times due to health things, just wanted to give a heads up that this one is at least anticipated.
#fun fact sometimes condensing meds just means poorer treatment of some conditions#this is a re-expansion + new thing#so that instead of poorly treating my mental health and using an unusually high dose SNRI for another (physical) condition#i will hopefully both be in less pain AND not depressed af AND also have an appetite again#i doubt i will be lucky and not have a fucked stomach due to meds but one can hope that an appetite will allow me to eat foods that upset#my stomach a lot less#my health is forever a massive balancing act#every time a medical thing is like 'so what meds do u take' i'm like here i wrote it down for u#and they're like 'oh. ooookay. let me just...' *five minutes of typing and clicking later*#'so! what did you come in for again? uhuh. you said you experience pain daily? with your chronic pain thing? hm. have you tried yoga?'#/gen#like. straight up every time i say 'i am in pain all the time due to fibromyalgia' they are like 'ooh studies say regular exercise helps'#and like. theoretically yes! but also. i would be lying if i said the fibromyalgia studies i've skimmed don't set off general 'bad science'#alarm bells in my brain#like... cool you performed a fibromyalgia study with... all male lab rats? mhmm? so are you aware fibromyalgia appears to occur#overwhelmingly in women? like. data seems to suggest between 70-85%?#(not that the data can't still indicate things but it certainly makes male rats a poor choice of model for tests on it)#also just... idk i've looked at some metaanalysis and been like 'okay cool theory and for all i know about human bio or bio in general that#sounds more or less correct BUT. you never discussed that one study on this subject that did NOT support your conclusion.#and that's 1) interesting when it was the most diverse group of subjects and the exceptions often teach just as much as the 'rule'#2) just shitty science. tell me how your theory is still credible when some evidence doesn't fit the model.#like... 'given that all other studies were primarily conducted on white american women in their 30s to 40s it is possible that this model#only explains (the early effects of fibro since that's a typical onset period) / (a possible genetic link primarily found in white women) /#(a possible sign of bias in diagnosis that demonstrates the possibility that there are different causes) / combinations of all of those#like... idk a paper that just throws out things that don't support it is a pretty big red flag#it doesn't mean the conclusion is entirely incorrect but it is often important to understand the context in which it applies#like... it's very easy to jump to an incorrect conclusion if you used something in the wrong context#ie: thumbs up is a good job / positive thing in a lot of western civilizations. teenage kee once went to china and discovered it to be#neutral to offensive in many areas outside of major tourist locations that were used to it#anyways i gotta sleep
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i thought it was a cold. it's not. it's the flu.
it's not even flu season!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#im suffering#i love living alone up until im sick#mostly because my poor dog who is used to nice long walks and fun mental exercises goes#perhaps a little crazy after 2 days of not as much stimulation#and those 2 days only works because i ensured to train her in being Bored#never forget guys if you get a dog one of the most important things is to train it to be BORED and CHILL at the same time#this is how we avoid dog destruction
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A shirt that says “I write fanfiction when I’m stoned” on it
#honestly it’s a pretty fun mental exercise if you want to get a lil silly#doing any kind of art while high is good
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Lost my mind thinking about the Vyer Estate (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#Max Vyer#Dexter Favin#So while I'm not usually one to draw backgrounds I am actually Really into architecture and a little into decor and room design haha#Do I know much more than the basics? Nope! But I'm still fascinated by it :)#Some of these rooms have a very strong image in my head and some are fuzzier - it's been a bit since I reread#And I also haven't read with the layout in mind I don't think so there's that as well haha#I'll also freely admit to being very influenced by The Sims 2's build limitations when working these lol - spacing and density of items#Trying to map all these pieces of scenes into a continuous singular building is difficult! There are windows that butt up into other rooms!#It's a fun exercise tho :3#Update: I have now reread with the layout in mind lol#My mental ears pricked every time there was a mention of furniture or layout lol#Like Max's couch! And a carpet in the foyer >:3c#And Dex's room also being upstairs :0 To think I almost made my first floorplan a single-story!#Silly me#I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've doodled Max's mom also :0 From memory - again - oops lol#I have always imagined that final scene with her as having this large-room/small in the frame kind of energy to it#All natural lighting and kind of dim and hazy - coming down from the high vibes#Actually pinning down a back wall is a whole other thing lol - sometimes the stairs are right there and sometimes they're in an alcove#It's always those tricky windows! And then actually populating a mansion with rooms that are useful lol#Dexter mentions that Max could've asked the cook but Max says he's asleep - how many people live on-site I wonder!#I'm also deeply enamoured with Max padding around in the middle of the night - a house he grew up in and feels safe wandering around in <3#In his element ♥ Comfortable ♪♫
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vote now on your phones!!!
*"gundam" refers to any gundam and not any model from a specific series
#i came across a reddit thread arguing about this and it's a fun mental exercise i think#please feel free to throw several paragraphs at me debating this
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Company tbh has a v dumb ending because Bobby spends the entire show telling everyone that he doesn't know what love is, hasn't experienced it in a meaningful impactful way, and can't recognize it when those around him are experiencing it in non-stereotypical ways
so after 2hrs 25min of that, Bobby says being in love = being alive. Which tbh is a reasonable conclusion for a popular broadway show, famously full of heterosexual+allocentric idears about love, but also is completely undermined by the entire rest of the show
If I tell you, for the equivalent amount of time as 2001: A Space Odyssey, that I don't know anything about fluid dynamics and then I said "fluid dynamics is just like the franco-prussian war of 1870" then it would be a massive error for you to conclude that fluid dynamics is just like the franco-prussian war of 1870. The only correct conclusion is that I don't know anything about the franco-prussian war of 1870, just like I don't know anything about fluid dynamics
so this is another contrast to Falsettos. Company ends with a guy who doesn't know what love is, and has never experienced it, making a statement about what love is and Falsettos ends with the moral of loss makes you grow up, and has multiple characters who have experienced loss and grew up
#company#falsettos#a more charitable description of the end of company is that bobby has seen a variety of loves and knows the love that he wants#which tbh i do subscribe to more but the more surface level/less charitable reading of he wants two things he's never experienced#is v crunchy to me#it's a fun mental exercise thinking about 'what if the character didn't actually change at all'#especially with company because it's not strictly linear. the vignettes could happen in many different orders#hell the couples aren't even necessarily different couples
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times I feel more in my body:
- exercise (swimming)
- doing homework (writing paper)
- doing activity (painting)
- showering (during shower)
- talking with people (enjoyable)
times I have historically felt less in my body:
- exercise (not swimming)
- doing homework (stressful)
- doing activities (lots of them, can’t leave)
- showering (after)
- talking with people (too much)
- directly after any of the above sometimes (even if I liked them)
I wish my stress response was more adaptable.
#I’m learning that the difference is how far I push it#if I surpass an emotional or physical stress threshold then the dissociation starts running#the exercise thing is a physical stress issue. because being in pain makes being in my body hard.#doing homework or fun activities for too long means I ignore body signals or overextend myself and get tired#which is also a kind of physical distress#the showering is probably also physical distress bc my heart rate tends to spike weirdly high in the shower/bath#talking to ppl is good and keeps me grounded sometimes bc I have to focus on the conversation and the body language#it forces me to engage my brain in multiple tasks in a way that isn’t inherently unrewarding#but if I do too much of it or talk about emotional things I will crash bc of the mental strain#emotional distress baybee
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