#this was 14 pages in word i give up editing it to make it more cohesive I TRIED

[lassieposting]

God okay so, as a movie/show fan who’s never actually read the vast extended universe of books, this meta explains so much about Sauron’s characterisation in ROP.

Like. He is absolutely riddled with red flags for someone with serious complex trauma. I picked up on it the very first time I watched the show; it’s what got me Begrudgingly Invested, even though I hate Amazon and I really wanted to hate their take on Middle Earth. But what I didn’t understand was why, because at no point in the movies or the show do we ever see Sauron involved in a situation or a dynamic that would create those red flags. But if Morgoth inflicted such a horrific punishment on him that he was either imprisoned or in no state to fight for the entire War of Wrath? Yeah, that starts to makes sense.

(Long and rambling dissection of the trauma markers and how they could relate back to this meta under the cut)

Doormat Tendencies

This is a recurring theme throughout the season: Sauron is an immensely powerful divine being – arguably the most powerful divine being outside of Valinor – but he consistently defers to Galadriel on basically everything, even to the point of giving up on his own plans, and he does it with very little fuss.

1x02: He asks her for a heading for the raft, even though he’ll later claim that he had his own plans.

1x03 – 1x06: He wants to stay in Númenor. She wants him to return to Middle Earth. He returns to Middle Earth.

1x03 – 1x06: He just wants to find work as a smith. She wants him to claim the crown of the Southlands. He ends up taking the crown.

1x08: He wants redemption. She tells him it’s too late, he’s already an irredeemable monster. He believes her, and becomes an irredeemable monster, rather than continuing to try for redemption on his own.

Now, I’ve seen a few different takes on why he acts like this – manipulation, fondness, boredom – but to me, the implication here is that this is someone who is used to being dominated and having his wants trampled over by a stronger, more forceful personality: Melkor.

“It would seem I am not the only elf alive who has been transformed by darkness. Perhaps your search for Morgoth’s successor should have ended in your own mirror.” – Adar, 1x08

It seems that, at least in the ROP universe, Galadriel and Melkor have similar personalities. Specifically, they’re both driven, stubborn, mercurial, tempestuous, fiercely independent, highly ambitious, and assertive to the point of…well, bulldozing people to get their own way or achieve their own goals. This is a personality type Sauron has always been drawn to and gelled well with – Halbrand more or less becomes Galadriel’s devoted sidekick throughout the season, just as Sauron was Morgoth’s. He’s someone who is drawn to impose order on chaos, and that means he’s drawn to chaotic people.     

And so, with Galadriel, Sauron quickly falls back into comfortable, familiar patterns of behaviour, because to his fucked-up Normal Meter, they actually read as safe – this is a dynamic he understands. He’s learned, over many long millennia with Melkor, that it’s better to adapt around chaotic behaviour and erratic demands than to try and push back against them. And we can see echoes of this even thousands of years after Melkor is defeated: the few times Halbrand does challenge her plans for him, Galadriel talks over him or brushes him off, and he lets her. It’s a token resistance – he wants to show he’s not a complete pushover, but he doesn’t actually expect her to care what he wants, or to factor his wishes into her longterm plans.

Halbrand: “As a matter of fact, my intention was –”

Galadriel, interrupting: “My companion is simply feeling the weight of his task. Come time, I am sure he will do his part.” – 1x05

Basically, S1!Galadriel is benefitting from the fact that Melkor has spent thousands upon thousands of years conditioning Sauron to do as he’s told. And how do you teach someone as stubborn and headstrong as Sauron to do as he's told? Well, if you're Morgoth - prideful, cruel, impatient, increasingly twisted and insane - probably with violence. Which brings me to -

2) Fighting Style

For this, I’m gonna focus on that one scene with the Númenorean smiths.

This scene has me absolutely vibrating because for all that it serves to showcase how much damage “Halbrand” can do, it’s actually not wanton violence. He tries to deescalate this situation three times once he realises he’s been caught out – first with humour, then with a warning, and then by trying to physically leave.

We know they’ve already triggered his temper – we see his homicidal thousand yard stare when they’re mocking his apparent relationship with Galadriel. And while the smiths are under the impression they’re picking on a Man, Sauron is obviously well aware that they’re starting shit with a Maia, and that he can take the lot of them. But even knowing he’d win the fight, he doesn’t throw the first punch. He’s willing – he wants – to walk away.

And if he’s genuinely repentant here, that tracks. He’s sick of all the violence. He doesn’t want to fight anymore. But his line, “Please don’t do this,” is not please don’t hurt me. It’s please don’t make me hurt you.

And the second he realises they're not going to let him go? The second they start beating on him? He erupts like Orodruin. He goes feral.

Like…look at the fighting style here. It’s vicious, absolutely, but first and foremost it’s highly effective self-defence. He targets vulnerable, immediately disabling spots; eyes, noses, windpipes, knee joints. He relies on speed and agility to dodge blows and give himself space to manoeuvre. He doesn’t get caught up in focusing on one opponent; he’s tracking all their movements around him and prioritising targets accordingly. He takes each of them out of the fight as quickly as possible, and once an opponent is downed, he drops them and moves on to the next one. The only time we see him linger over hurting someone, letting himself take a moment to gloat or savour it, is right at the very end, with Call me Halbrand, once all his opponents are already on the floor.

The energy in this scene is weird. The first time you watch it, it makes sense for it to be so visceral, because Halbrand would be in major danger here - he's seriously outnumbered. But rewatching it, knowing that he’s Sauron, there’s no subtle sign that this is actually an immensely powerful low-level deity toying with a few unwary Mannish thugs. It still feels like he’s fighting for his life. And the feeling that gave me was that...well, part of him thinks that he is. I think that being cornered, and smacked around, and laughed at while he’s sprawled out on the floor, actually triggered him.

In other words, he fights like someone who’s used to getting cornered into fighting either a group* or an opponent who’s bigger and stronger than he is. Sauron is, apparently, accustomed to fights where his best chance of surviving – or, at least, coming out with minimum injuries – is to down his opponent as quickly as possible and scarper before they get back up again.

*(Which, let’s face it. Morgoth’s mines were full of enslaved POWs who hated his guts and would’ve hated Sauron’s too. If he found himself chained up down there with them – a very obvious indicator that he’s lost Morgoth’s favour – the chances that those prisoners would band together to try and lynch him are, let’s face it, very high. And while there would undoubtedly be orcs on guard to keep the prisoners in line, Sauron hasn’t exactly been a good boss to them, and there are probably plenty who’d turn a blind eye unless explicitly ordered to break it up by a superior.)

Now obviously, Sauron is a Maia. He's strong, and he’s absolutely pulling his punches in the Númenor street fight – if he wasn’t, those smiths would probably be dead. Galadriel is aiming to kill when she tries to stab him, so she'd be putting a fair amount of force and weight behind that blow, and he stops her hand like it's nothing. Effortless. And he's powerful, in so many ways. There are very, very few things in Arda he would need to fear.

But he would be no match for Melkor.

As in the quote used somewhere up above:

“Though of immensely smaller native power than his Master, he remained less corrupt, cooler and more capable of calcultion.”

Melkor is bigger, stronger, tougher and more powerful than he is. Melkor is fully capable of hurting him. And if Melkor is the kind of person who’s not against using violence or humiliation to control his generals, he probably has hurt Sauron plenty in the past. 

3) Fawn Response

Most English speakers will be familiar with the term “fight or flight” – a creature’s ingrained response to a situation they perceive as stressful, dangerous or frightening. In psychology, these are called acute stress responses, and there are actually four of them, with the other two being freeze and fawn. Every living thing has an acute stress response.

Of the four responses, three are purely instinctive: honey badgers will fight a curious lion; gazelles will flee from a hunting cheetah; rabbits freeze when caught in the headlights of an approaching car. The fourth response, fawn, is unique to people and a few other highly social species.

In people, each response can manifest as a variety of different behaviours.

Fight: Verbal or physical aggression, explosive outbursts, controlling or domineering behaviour, impulsivity, bullying, picking fights for no obvious reason, teeth grinding, urge to lash out

Flight: Workaholism, overthinking, obsessive or compulsive behaviours, feelings of anxiety or panic, fidgeting, feeling trapped

Freeze: Dissociation, self-isolation, emotional numbness, depressive episodes, numbing behaviours (i.e. self-medication via substance misuse), indecisiveness

Fawn: Codependency, conflict avoidance, approval-seeking, submissive or people-pleasing personality, emotional manipulation, weak or no sense of personal identity, lying to avoid confrontation

Most trauma survivors are hybrids, and will show aspects of more than one acute stress response, and this is true of Sauron. But one of the things I find really interesting about him in ROP is that he’s predominantly a fawner.

Unlike the three instinctive responses, fawning is learned – it’s one way the complex human brain adapts to long-term threatening situations where the fight, flight and freeze responses don’t work for us. The fawn response is very common in people who’ve suffered abuse – a violent marriage, a malignant narcissist parent, severe bullying – where their best chance of survival was to placate and appease a more powerful abuser they could not escape.

E03 - When Elendil presents Halbrand & Galadriel to Tar-Míriel, we see Halbrand quietly urge Galadriel not to antagonize the Númenoreans and prompt her to show proper courtly manners by kneeling. When she immediately antagonizes the Queen, he starts showing subtle signs of agitation, and he intervenes as soon as Míriel suggests she's losing her temper with Galadriel's impudence. When Galadriel tries to interrupt him again, he does a very clear leave this to me hand gesture. He flatters the Queen to settle her ruffled feathers, and subtly diffuses the situation by addressing Pharazon when he suggests taking time to consider "their" request. He's taken a hostile confrontation between Elf royalty and Mannish royalty (Galadriel & Míriel) and turned it into a diplomatic discussion between advisors (himself & Pharazon).

And we see, several times, that this is actually Sauron’s first reaction to stress and conflict.

E08 - When Galadriel confronts Halbrand about the broken Southlands royal line, he drops the act immediately, but his first inclination is to try and reason with her. As he approaches her, his body language is open and conciliatory - the big innocent eyes, the low-calm-and-soothing voice, the slow and telegraphed movement. He's trying to make himself seem like less of a threat. When she tries to stab him, all he does is stop her - there's no counter, no move to incapacitate or harm. This interaction goes south in the end, devolving into “fight” when he invades her mind, but his first instinct is to appease. To convince.

E03 - In the same episode, we see Halbrand plying the Númenorean smiths with drink and camaraderie after they start antagonizing him, because he thinks that’s going to give him the best shot of stealing a guild crest unnoticed. While he certainly considers multiple homicide - we can see it on his face - it's actually only after they start hitting him that he flares up in return.

While he’s certainly capable of immense violence, and he does go that route sometimes, it’s usually his backup option – force is what he relies on when fawning doesn’t work.

This makes so much more sense in the context of Melkor as someone who is not only infinitely stronger and more powerful than Sauron, but who also becomes increasingly temperamental and unpredictable over time, more likely to be cruel to his own loyal followers as retaliation for their failures.

For their relationship to begin with Mairon adores Melkor and end with Sauron is afraid of Morgoth, there would have been a deterioration in their relationship, and in Morgoth’s treatment of Sauron, at some point. The fact that the relationship never devolves to the point of Sauron abandoning Morgoth of his own free will suggests that this downturn in their relationship was a slow and crumbling thing, taking place over a long period of time. That tracks: abusers often present themselves as perfectly likeable at the start of a relationship, and reveal their true colours slowly, escalating as their victim adapts to their increasingly unacceptable behaviour.

As the second-in-command of what’s essentially a dictatorship, Sauron would be right in Morgoth’s inner circle, dependent on Morgoth’s favour for his status and authority, and isolated by rank from the rest of Morgoth’s forces. He’s not Melkor’s equal, even if Melkor listens to his advice, but nor is he One Of The Men, and he outranks even high-ranking Úmaiar like Gothmog. He has no equals, no one he can lean on or share camaraderie with, nobody who can side with him against Morgoth if necessary. This power structure actually leaves him really vulnerable to abuse from above. In Valinor or Aman, if a Vala was ever cruel to their Maiar, they could at least be kept in check by other Valar. In Arda, Melkor has no oversight. There’s no one Sauron can go to if he feels mistreated. So when Melkor begins to turn on him, Sauron would quickly find that he has limited means of protecting himself thanks to his actually-quite-precarious position in Melkor’s court. He can’t fight back, because Melkor is stronger than him. He can’t flee – where would he go? They’d hunt him down, and he can’t exactly turn to Aule for protection anymore. He can’t afford to freeze and go to pieces, because the safety he does have is reliant on the benefits of his place in the hierarchy, and to keep that place he needs to be capable and competent. In this situation, his best defence is keeping Morgoth happy – attuning himself to Morgoth’s moods and learning to manipulate them, stroking his ego, currying favour, giving Morgoth as little reason as possible to be displeased with him.

And so, he becomes a fawner.

4) Treatment Of Subordinates

“For my part…I had sacrificed enough of my children for his aspirations. I split him open. I killed Sauron.” – Adar, 1x06

The main exception to Sauron’s fawning tendencies is Adar, who provokes an immediate violent response.

This makes sense – Adar’s betrayal in Forodwaith, and his brutal murder of Sauron’s last fana, was a devastating blow to Sauron’s self-confidence, and he’s out for revenge. But his treatment of Adar, and the orcs Adar considers himself responsible for, does draw attention to the way Sauron has learned – or been taught – to treat his underlings in general.

Our very first look at Sauron, before we even see him in person, is through Galadriel’s eyes during her excursion into his Forodwaith fortress. And what we see is pretty monstrous. Sauron thinks nothing of torturing, mutilating and killing the orcs who follow him – his own soldiers – if he thinks it will advance his goals. According to Adar, Sauron killed many, many orcs in the course of his experiments with the Unseen World. Adar seems to have been his second-in-command at that point, and while they may not have been friends, there was some degree of trust between them – Adar was able to take Sauron by surprise, which means Sauron was comfortable enough with him to drop his guard. And yet, it never occurs to him that Adar cares about the welfare of the orcs. It never occurs to him that Adar might take issue with the orcs being used as test subjects. It never occurs to him that eventually, given enough dead loved ones, Adar might turn on him. 

Now, we’ve established that Sauron is someone who claims he wants to be his own man, but actually tends to follow the example he’s been set by his current role model. And since this doesn’t seem like the kind of leadership he’d have learned from Aulë, it’s far more likely that his first foray into Dark Lord-ship saw him imitating Morgoth’s treatment of those who served him – placing a certain degree of trust and authority in his lieutenants, but simultaneously keeping his underlings in line through pain and humiliation. If he himself was cowed by harsh punishment, and emerged too afraid of Morgoth to have considered rebellion, why wouldn’t he assume Adar to be similarly afraid of him? Adar is, after all, an infinitely inferior being. A mutilated elf-orc against a Maia has to be a similar power differential to a Maia against a Vala: Adar should have had no hope in hell of ever taking on Sauron and winning.

Elendil’s pull in Armenelos is limited – at this point in his life, he’s just a sea captain whose family is known for causing trouble. There’s no reason for Sauron to think that Elendil would be a useful ally in the Númenorean court – he saves him purely because they’re on the same side. Quite a change, from the man who has, up to this point, thought nothing of throwing allied lives away for his own ends. Unfortunately, because the first season is so condensed, Halbrand is only the King of the Southlands for about five minutes, so we don’t get to see whether, given more time with Galadriel as his reference point, he would increasingly follow her example rather than Morgoth’s.

Later, we see him exposed to a different example. He stops working to watch Galadriel training her volunteers, leading with positive reinforcement and camaraderie. He would also have watched her interact with them on the ship during the journey to Middle Earth. She is a stubborn, demanding and unyielding commander, but she does care about her people, and she knows how to win loyalty. And what does Sauron do in their very first battle together? He saves Elendil, despite having absolutely no selfish reason to do so.

5) Dysfunctional Attachment & Sense Of Identity

Galadriel’s backstory is full of loving, positive relationships: in 1x01 we meet her brother Finrod, her friend Elrond, her long-suffering second-in-command Thondir, and (in a one-line mention by Finrod) her mother and father. In 1x07, she also mentions her long-lost husband, Celeborn. In contrast, the only relationships mentioned for Sauron are Morgoth and Adar, neither of which were positive or loving. Aulë, interestingly, isn’t mentioned at all.

One of the first things ROP establishes about Sauron as a character (once we actually meet him in person) is that hes a self-serving survivor with low empathy. He stops Galadriel climbing onto the raft while the humans bicker about whether to leave her adrift, and he doesn’t hesitate to sacrifice everyone else on the raft to cover his own escape.

The rest of the season reinforces that he is not someone who bonds easily with others:  

Galadriel then goes on to form a number of new relationships over the course of the season: her mutual antagonism with Míriel becomes mutual respect, she befriends Elendil, she briefly serves as a mentor figure for Theo, she makes an enemy of Adar. But Halbrand doesn’t. We see him interact with other characters – the Númenorean smith who gives him a job, Míriel, Bronwyn briefly – but he doesn’t build anything with them. The interactions are very surface-level, very shallow – a means to an end.

So, while Sauron is clearly a charismatic charmer, someone who knows how to present himself as likeable, there doesn’t seem to be much drive in him to actually bond with others.

But he’s not a complete sociopath, and he's not completely devoid of empathy either. We know this from the one relationship he does build in S1, which is with Galadriel.

In 1x02, both characters are quite literally adrift, and for the same reason – their lives have fallen apart. Galadriel has been betrayed by her company, let down by her closest friend, exiled back to Valinor by her king – she’s lost all the resources and allies she’s relied upon to carry out her quest for vengeance. Sauron has lost a war, his master, his allies, and his life after Adar’s betrayal. They’re both floundering, desperate for something to give back some of the stability and purpose that they’ve lost.

And up until the identity reveal, they do find it. This is a relationship characterised, above all else, by understanding of and confidence in each other. They snark and bicker and annoy each other, but they also support and guide each other, challenge each other's worldviews, and restrain one another’s worst impulses.

But they react to the loss of this relationship differently.

So really, it’s no wonder that Sauron gets attached very quickly: this is probably the most positive relationship he’s had in thousands of years. And as we’ve already established, he’s a follower by nature – he’s drawn to strong, domineering personalities who give him purpose (ordering their chaos). Galadriel is exactly what he feels he needs at that point.

Galadriel is, if not an emotionally healthy individual, at least healthier than Sauron. She has been through some shit, but she has always had the support of people who love her, and as a result, she is self-assured and confident in her place in the world. While the loss of their friendship – and of “Halbrand” - will grieve her, it won't change her fundamental understanding of who she is and what purpose she serves.

But Sauron has been rewired over millennia to be incredibly dysfunctional. He doesn't bond easily with others, but when he does, he throws himself wholeheartedly into that relationship - and only that relationship. He invests his entire identity in that other person and how they see him, what he thinks they want him to be. He makes them the centre of his universe, and adjusts his values and identity to complement theirs.

But the problem with making other people your guiding light is that once they're no longer there to direct you, you lose your way. When Morgoth is vanquished, Sauron struggles (and ultimately fails) to keep what's left of his forces together – Adar implies that while a lot of the orcs did decide to follow Sauron, a lot of them also deserted and didn't come north at all.

With Morgoth as his guiding light, he turns to evil. What may have started out as low empathy in Mairon becomes active cruelty in Sauron. Desire for order becomes obsessive need for control. Intelligence and creativity becomes lust for power and sovereignty. With Galadriel at the helm, Halbrand veers back in the other direction, with his positive traits beginning to reassert themselves - bravery, humour, charm. He shows mercy to both the Numenorean smiths (of his own accord) and Adar (as a concession to Galadriel).

He's even selfless a few times - bringing the raft back for her even though he doesn't know who she is or what value she could have to him, and then saving her from drowning even though he does know who she is and how determined she is to see him dead.

“He bid as many as he could follow him north…” – Adar, 1x06

The ones that did go with him, as we know, ultimately turned on him in favour of Adar. Without Morgoth to keep pushing him to conquer and destroy, he can't keep up the momentum, because he doesn't actually want the same things as Morgoth. He wants to rule the world, not corrupt it.

The same thing happens when Galadriel casts him out. Without her prompting him to do good things - and his own desire to live up to her image of him leading him to do good things on his own - he stops doing them altogether, because it's hard to claw your way out of being a terrible person, and it's harder still if nobody notices or cares that you're doing it. He's realised he doesn't want what Morgoth gave him, but he also doesn't really want to be the hero. He’s got no bloody idea who he really is and he's torn about what he truly wants - and an underdeveloped, fragile or non-existent sense of self is very common in people who’ve spent their entire lives being controlled by someone else.  

So, why play along with her in the first place?

"You've done far more than that for me. I'd all but given up, but you...you believed in me. You saw strength in me. You pushed me to heights that no one else could have. I will never forget that. And I'll see to it that no one else does either." – Halbrand, 1x08

On its most basic level: she's kind to him.

Victims of longterm abuse have a very skewed idea of what interpersonal relationships should look like, and what they can expect from other people. He's had his confidence badly knocked by Morgoth's mistreatment and Adar's betrayal; she gets him back in the saddle as a leader, and she does it with faith and encouragement rather than with cruelty. Of course he's a little bit obsessed with her. She's probably the first person to act as though she cares about him in millennia - it's overwhelming, it's addictive. And because she's making him feel good about himself, he's more inclined to play the part she's assigned him, because doing so is a shortcut to getting her approval, which, again, makes him feel good about himself, and so the cycle continues. Right up until it doesn't, and he loses that positive emotional feedback loop he's so eager for.

6) Rejection Sensitivity & Abandonment Issues

“You don’t know what I did before I ended up on that raft. You don’t know how I survived. How we all survived. And when these people discover it, they will cast me out. So will you.” – Halbrand, 1x05

Sauron’s fear of rejection comes up a few times throughout the first season of ROP. It’s the focus of one of his most openly vulnerable moments, when Galadriel confronts him in the forge – they’re both on the verge of tears in that scene, and when he’s staring into the fire he looks positively haunted.   

1x08’s confrontation scene then shows us that not only does Sauron fear rejection, he also reacts to it really badly. Of course, this could be because he’s an entitled manchild who throws temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his own way, but we’re looking at him from a trauma perspective, and severe rejection sensitivity is a common aspect of CPTSD. For real people, it tends to be rooted in one of two things:

You’ve been taught that you are unworthy of love. Perhaps your abuser has taught you that they are the only one who will ever care about you, and their abuse is all you will ever deserve. Perhaps they’ve told you that nobody will ever care for you at all. Perhaps you’ve been taught that your true self is pathetic, shameful or not good enough. Over time, you internalise the belief that others are inherently disappointed or disgusted by you. In later life, when you try to bond with others and they reject you, it feels like they are confirming that belief, which is devastating, and you lash out instinctively.

You were loved conditionally. Your abuser was loving and affectionate to you sometimes, but when you displeased them, they would take their love away to punish you, leaving you perpetually insecure in the stability of your most vital relationships. You end up constantly anticipating the next time your closest bonds will be yanked out from underneath you, and as a result, you never learn how to feel safe and secure in another person's love or friendship. So when you feel like someone has taken their love away, all the old feelings of panic and abandonment come rushing back, and you lash out.

For Sauron, there's a distinct vibe of #2. We see Galadriel grant Halbrand absolution for the evil he claims to have done, and we see how much that seems to affect Sauron; that's a very emotionally raw scene for him. He's spent a very long time believing himself completely beyond redemption, and then his most bitter enemy tells him (albeit unwittingly) that he can be forgiven. That she, specifically, can forgive him. And he seems to bind her specific forgiveness up with the concept of redemption in general - he doesn't believe he can do it without her support, he thinks he needs her to show him how to be good. So when Galadriel takes back that forgiveness in the raft vision, because she didn't know who she was pardoning, it doesn't seem to occur to Sauron that he could, technically, keep trying to find his way back to the light without her. In his mind, she's not just taking away some words she said when she didn't really know who she was talking to - she's taking away the very possibility of redemption altogether.

So Sauron flips his shit. He goes, "Oh, you want me to be evil? Fine. Fine! I'll show you evil."

And honestly...this kind of self-sabotage is actually really common in traumatized people with serious rejection sensitivity issues. I have rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD), an especially severe kind of rejection sensitivity, and RSD support communities are littered with people who have destroyed their relationships, explosively quit their jobs on the spot, dropped out of classes, cut off friendships forever...all because they felt rejected and their own brain went nuclear on them. Hell, I’ve done some of those things myself. It’s like a red mist in the moment – half the time you don’t even realise what you’ve done until you’ve calmed down, and at that point, you’ve got no choice but to walk whatever stupid path you’ve built for yourself, whether that’s “find a new job before rent is due, you moron” or “take over the world because you’ve got nothing and no one else left”.   

Anyway this got really long and disjointed because I’m pulling from so many different aspects of trauma here and it all ties in together so tightly but tl;dr, ROP!Sauron practically has CPTSD stamped on his forehead, and this meta explains why. What do you know of darkness, indeed.

(From Morgoth’s perspective, I’d imagine that starting out so much more powerful than even the greatest of his underlings would lend him a carelessness in his treatment of his servants that, for someone so proud and superior, would prove difficult to let go of even as he grew weaker over eons.

So like, while it’s true that certain forms of punishment – enslavement, torture, etc – would run the risk of alienating Sauron completely, why should Melkor care? He was, is, has always been, the greatest of the Valar. Even if Sauron does start hating him, what's a puny Maia going to do? He's not powerful enough to overthrow Melkor on his own, and while there are undoubtedly those among Morgoth's forces who think things would be better with Sauron in charge, the chances of that minority being brave and foolhardy enough to risk Morgoth's wrath by allying with him openly (or of Sauron being brave enough to call on them to do so) are very slim. Sauron won't turn to another high-ranking Úmaia with the suggestion of overthrowing Melkor together, because what if they promptly turn him in for treason? The first punishment would've instilled the fear of god Morgoth in him, so he's not going to risk another, worse one. No - alienated or no, he'll have virtually no choice but to keep his head down and just? Deal with it. Especially if Melkor keeps his punishments behind closed doors, as Sauron would have every reason to want to keep it that way - the rank-and-file gossiping about his humiliation could lose him the fear and respect of his subordinates, and that could make his life way more difficult. I can definitely see Morgoth as someone who’d stubbornly refuse to admit that, past a certain point, he’s disseminated so much of his power into corrupting Arda that he actually should be worried about alienating Sauron now, because Sauron could probably best him. I think he’d want to cling to his own image of himself as the most powerful Ainu beneath Ilúvatar – he wouldn’t want to see how far he’s fallen. And accepting that any of his underlings could threaten him would mean having to face that.)   

Sauron Unchained

Remember when Sauron mentioned "THAT first sunrise," on the raft in the Vision? (Not THE first sunrise. The sun already existed. He's talking about THAT first sunrise, after Morgoth was defeated.)

"When Morgoth was defeated, it was as if a great, clenched fist had released its grasp from my neck. And in the stillness of that first sunrise, at last! I felt the light of The One again. And I knew, if ever I was to be forgiven, then I had to heal everything that I had helped ruin" (1x08).

That sunrise was a pretty big deal.

Let's review this moment Sauron describes from The Silmarillion.

(Of the Voyage of Eärendil and the War of Wrath.)

Before the rising of the sun Eärendil slew Ancalagon the Black, the mightiest of the dragon-host, and cast him from the sky; and he fell upon the towers of Thangorodrim, and they were broken in his ruin. Then the sun rose, and the host of the Valar prevailed, and well-nigh all the dragons were destroyed; and all the pits of Morgoth were broken and unroofed, and the might of the Valar descended into the deeps of the earth. [...]

Then Morgoth was bound.

[...] Thus an end was made of the power of Angband in the North, and the evil realm was brought to naught; and out of the deep prisons a multitude of slaves came forth beyond all hope into the light of day, and they looked upon a world that was changed.

Those slaves who emerged were not the servants of Morgoth (like Orcs, Balrogs, etc.), but rather Elves, the likes of Gwindor, who were captured, imprisoned and enslaved, sent deep into the mines to dig.

But Sauron described his experience from their perspective.

Sooo... why?

"When Morgoth was defeated, it was as if a great, clenched fist had released its grasp from my neck. And in the stillness of THAT first sunrise, at last! I felt the light of The One again."

Some complain:

Why did the writers make it seem like Morgoth made Sauron evil, against his will?

-----They didn't.-----

Why did they change Sauron's character from liking Morgoth because of efficiency, to loathing him?

-----They didn't.-----

Why did they make it so Sauron only allied himself with Morgoth in order to survive?

-----They didn't.-----

They didn't change anything. They didn't even have to add anything. None of this came out of the clear blue just for fun. It's not even just for the sake of making the show.

Sauron manipulated Galadriel, but he did so with the TRUTH, making it easier for her to pity him than if he flat-out lied.

["And in the stillness of that first sunrise..."]

(Meanwhile, he talks about forgiveness.)

Galadriel: "No penance could ever erase the evil you have done."

Sauron: "That is not what you believe." [...] After our victory, you said that whatever I'd done before, I could be free of it now. [...] I told you the truth! I told you that I had done evil, and you did not care! Because you knew that our past meant nothing, weighed against our future. :D"

What is this 'trauma' he allegedly experienced? Sure, he was wary of the consequences of crossing Morgoth, but I mean ... he was the guy--Morgoth's #1--his right hand Maia--his most devoted servant. He would never do anything in disobedience or rebellion. Else how would he achieve such a status?

The implication of his tale is not that he was FORCED to Morgoth's allegiance, giving him this general fear that was finally lifted when Morgoth fell.

Something happened.

He made ONE mistake.

(And since Patrick said they're not in the business of pure Easter eggs, there's a REASON they showed this.)

In Sauron's most humiliating moment, being in the jaws of Huan, Lúthien told him "that he should be stripped of his raiment of flesh, and his ghost be sent quaking back to Morgoth; and she said: 'There everlastingly thy naked self shall endure the torment of his scorn, pierced by his eyes, unless thou yield to me the mastery of thy tower.' (The Silmarillion: Of Beren and Lúthien).

Before that, Sauron had it all. Unbeknownst to him at the time, he already had Beren (who had a price put on his head by Morgoth) IN HIS PRISON. But hearing Lúthien sing to Beren in the hour of Finrod's death, he sought great reward for bringing her to Morgoth. When his dying servant told him that Huan was there, he was like, Oh. I got this.

Things went sideways, and he had no choice but to yield to Huan, or face Morgoth's wrath... so he let them go.

As a result, Beren and Lúthien waltzed their way into Angband, stole a Silmaril and escaped.

So, um...?

Charlie referenced what Lúthien told Sauron, when speaking about the 'clenched fist' line. His paraphrasing is quite unnerving, given that he knows what backstory we are going to see next season... and I don't know... but I would like to... and it makes me wonder.

"You can go whimpering back to your master and tell him that you've let me in. You've failed. You haven’t defended your kingdom." [...] I read from that this thing that Morgoth is so powerful and so scary, that it would've meant consequences for Sauron. - Charlie Vickers

Where exactly was Sauron after his failure? He dwelt in Taur-nu-Fuin for a while, but a lot of time passed between then and the end of the War. So...WHERE DID HE GO? Wouldn't the most devoted and powerful of all the servants of Morgoth be actively involved in the defense against the host of the Valar?? One might say things were trending upward for him...

...until Finrod, Beren, Lúthien, and Huan came along.

How long would it have taken Morgoth to find out that everything was Sauron's fault? How long would it have taken to hunt Sauron down, as he fled?

Not very long, I reckon.

[...] there must have been an element to their relationship where Morgoth was someone he feared at times, or someone that would punish him when he failed. [...] there must have been some truth in [the clenched fist] line. - Charlie Vickers

No wonder he described the end of the War as if he had been among the slaves who emerged from the deep prisons..."beyond all hope into the light of day"...reminiscing the first sunrise after the overthrow of Thangorodrim, and the great, clenched fist that released its grasp from his neck as a result.

In the Great War, he wasn't just sitting in a tree, or even in a back-up tower, watching from the side-lines.

He failed Morgoth.

Miserably.

And was punished for it.

No wonder he was missing during the War of Wrath.

"What do you know of darkness?"

[catcze]

#CATCZE — Writing and Edit Commissions !!

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[fandomgirlz01]

The Most Perfect Christmas Ever

JJ Maybank X Routledge Reader

Imagine on fandom instagram?: No

Prompt or Request or Requested Prompt?: Yes: (1) "Cute Christmas socks." (2) "Are you going to stay out there in the cold all night?" (3) "Come here. I bet you can fit in my coat with me and it’ll warm you up." (4) "Is that my scarf?" (5) "Be careful you’re clumsy and it’s really slippery out here." (6) "Ah. The ground is so slippy.!” (7) "Call me elf one more time!" (8) "Chaos has come again." (9) "Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone." (10) "Come here. I bet you can fit in my coat with me and it’ll warm you up." (11) "Everything I want I can’t have." (12) "Here. Let me pick you up so you can reach the top of the Christmas tree." (13) "How long ago did (Character) fall asleep?" (14) "I believe the Abominable Snowman may be real. I think there may be something in that." (15) "I can bring you in warm, or I can bring you in cold."

Style of Writing: Single Fic 

Rating: PG ~ For all the fluff and cuteness, but a few adult comments…

Edited: Yes

Word count: 6,648  

Post Date & Time: Originally posted: December 25th 2024 at 1:45 AM Reposted: January 23rd 2025 at 10:57 PM

Ko-fi

Masterlist

Warnings Here 

Listen to the story be read out loud here {coming soon}.

Summary: You, your brother John B and JJ (Jackson Jessy "Maybank" Groff) spend another Christmas together, your first Christmas without your father after he’d gone missing. This Christmas however is different than all the others that the three of you have spent together. 

Authors Note: I got these amazing prompts from a fellow writers page @bonniebird Bonnie is an inspiration to me as well as an amazing writer and artist. I did change some of them up so they fit the story better, but I did try to keep them pretty close to the original prompts. Anyway, Bonnie’s work never fails to make me smile and feel all the feelings that I should when reading. I WISH I could write as amazingly as she does, but I’m nowhere near her level yet, I hope and pray that one day I will be. Ladies and gentlemen please go give her love and support because she really deserves it. She’s one of my many inspirations and I’m so so happy to use her prompts because they really pushed me to write this fic even though I was blocked for all of my other works. I feel like it helped me break out of it, so THANK YOU Bonnie for everything 🩵🩵🩵

Also this is our first JJ Maybank fic. We have so much coming out for JJ he will eventually be added into our main people we write for so be on the look out for when we add that in. We both hope you guys enjoy this one. 🩵

You hum softly to yourself along with the Christmas music you have playing as you lay out the decorations. Every Christmas, you, John B, your dad, and JJ would enjoy Christmas together. When you were growing up and found out what JJ’s dad did to him (you didn’t tell them of course, because that’s JJ’s place to tell people about it), you begged for JJ to start spending the holidays with you. Ever since that very first time they agreed, he’s always come over. It’s always been your absolute favorite time of year. How could it not be? When you have JJ and John B around you, your two favorite people? This year is different though, because it’s the first Christmas without your father since he had disappeared only a few months ago now. 

“Hey. Wow. You’ve really got everything ready,” John B comments in shock as he looks at everything you’ve laid out so far. 

“It’s Christmas, JB, of course I’ve got everything ready. Don’t I always?” You ask, raising an eyebrow at him and shrugging. 

“I can’t believe it’s Christmas Eve and we’re only now decorating…” you shake your head and he chuckles. 

“I know normally you have it all started the last week of November,” he comments, amusement clear in his tone. 

“I know right! I’m so behind. This year has been a lot… it’s been one stressful year…” you mutter out with a roll of your eyes and he again hums in amusement as you bite your lip. 

“Hey. I get it. It definitely has been wild,” John B agrees and you sigh. 

“It’s just… it’s the first one without dad. We should still celebrate, be happy to still all be together right?” You ask, unsure of your own words. 

“Of course, bug. I’m sure we’ll enjoy it,” he tells you as he stops you for a moment to pull you into a hug. 

“Plus, I’ll have my two favorite guys with me. I’m happy and I refuse to not be happy during my favorite time of year,” you push away from the hug as you ramble while continuing to lay stuff out, not bothering to spare a look at your brother. 

“Hey. I get it. I do. No need to preach it to me, bug,” he reverently tells you, giving you a small shrug. 

You continue to lay ornaments and many other decorations out on the table. You step back to look at your handiwork, proud of how it looks. You get pulled out of your thoughts when your brother laughs, making you look at him instead. 

“What?” You ask him, eyebrow propped and he points down at your feet. 

"Cute Christmas socks," he tells you though chuckles and you look down at them, pushing up onto your toes. 

“Oh, really? Good, I got both you and JJ a pair of your own,” you inform him with a giant grin and his face falls. 

“There’s no way JJ will be wearing those…” he tells you and you giggle. 

“Who says! They’re cute!” You cry out and he chuckles, shaking his head. 

“Sorry to tell ya, bee, JJ doesn’t do cute,” he tells you with humor lacing his tone. 

“Fine. You’ll wear them though, right?” You ask, giving him puppy dog eyes. 

“Not a chance. Puppy eyes don’t work on me anymore, bee,” he tells you and you smirk even though he’s not looking at you. 

“Really? Then why won’t you look at me, huh?” You teasingly ask and he huffs. 

“No reason. No reason at all. Speaking of your two favorite people, where's the other?” John B asks with a hint of humor, changing the subject as he picks up an ornament to look at before carefully setting it back down. 

“Actually, he was supposed to be here about thirty minutes ago…” you comment as you finally look up at the clock. 

“Don’t worry, bug. It’s JJ, I’m sure he’s just running late,” John B tries to comfort you, but you shake your head, rushing over to start putting your jacket on. 

“Exactly. It’s JJ. He’s never late this time of year. He loves having Christmas with us,” you comment as you shove your feet into your shoes. 

“Bug? What are you doing?” John B rushes over to you and you shrug as you stand while zipping up your jacket. 

“I’m going to look for him. What if he needs us?” You counter as you wrap a scarf around your neck and John B sighs. 

“I’m coming with you then,” he informs you as he grabs his own jacket. 

You give him a look of exasperation before shaking your head once more. You pull the door open before starting down the porch, but John B pulls you to a stop. You go to yell at him, but he raises his hands in surrender before pointing over at something and you turn to look where he's pointing. You see JJ sitting curled up on the dock and you sigh in relief. 

“You go talk to him. I’ll finish setting up, okay?” John B offers and you smile softly at him. 

“Don’t you wanna go over?” You ask, popping an eyebrow at him and he pauses with lips pursed in thought. 

“No. It looks more like a you and him moment,” John B answers with a small soft smile. 

“Okay. If you’re sure, birdy,” you tell him, giving a side eye to see if he changes his mind. 

When he doesn’t show any signs of changing his mind, you firmly nod at him before starting to walk over to JJ as John B heads back inside. It’s a cold night so you bring your cupped hands up to your mouth and breathe into them, hoping to warm yourself up a little. Once your hands have warmed up, you move them under your armpits, trying to keep them that way as you move closer and closer to JJ. 

“Jayj…” you call out softly and you can see your breath in the air. 

“Hi, cupcake…” he mutters, not looking at you which makes you frown. 

“Wanna tell me what’s wrong?” You ask as you sit next to him, your feet dangling over the side of the dock. 

“JJ, talk to me…” you mutter out when he doesn’t answer. You move to cuddle into his side, but he uses his shoulder to shove you off, still keeping his face out of view. 

“JJ. Seriously, what’s wrong?” You ask as you grab his shoulder, trying to pull him to look at you even though you already have an idea about what’s going on. 

“Just leave me alone, cupcake. Please?” he practically begs, still turned away from you and you frown even harder. 

“Jayj, please…” you whisper out to him once again and he sighs, finally turning to you, not liking the hurt in your voice. 

“Oh, JJ…” you gasp when you see his face full of black and blue bruises. You had a feeling that it’d be about his dad, but you had no clue it’d be this bad. 

“See, that’s why…” he mutters, looking away from you once more. 

“I don’t want you pitying me again… you do it far too often,” he mutters after you haven’t said anything.

“I don’t pity you, JJ. If anything I think it makes you incredibly strong…” you tell him with a firmness to your tone and he feels himself getting choked up. 

“Yeah… whatever…” he responds, not believing you as he shoves you off again. 

“I’m really sorry, JJ…” you mutter softly, not knowing what else to say to get him to believe you. You frown with a shake of your head as tears well up in your eyes.  

“What do you have to be sorry for? You didn’t do this…” JJ asks as he still refuses to look at you and you reach out for him again. 

“I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’m sorry you got dealt such a bad hand in life. I wish… I wish I could force Luke to see you. To actually see you,” you explain as you're finally able to pull him to look at you. He wishes he could wipe your frown off but only smiles softly at you. 

“It’s not so bad. I’ve got you and John B. It could be worse I guess,” he tells you with a shrug as he looks away again and out to the water. 

“I mean, you are right. Having us is pretty awesome,” you agree playfully, bouncing your eyebrows and he chuckles to himself, shaking his head. You smile, seeing his tough exterior finally starting to break down.

“It really is,” he softly agrees as he still looks out over the water and you hold back a sigh. 

“Well, are you going to stay out here in the cold all night and stew in what happened? Or are you going to come in and have fun with your favorite person?” You goad him while nudging him with your shoulder. 

“Oh, John B’s my favorite person now, huh?” he playfully asks, his own lips forming a bit bigger of a smirk now and you gasp. 

“Umm, no. I was actually talking about myself,” you respond with a deadpan look that makes him smile even more as he laughs, shaking his head. 

“What makes you think you’re my favorite person?” he asks you, all smiles now and you can’t help but smile alongside him. 

“It made you smile, didn’t it?” You answer him with a shrug and he’s shaking his head in disbelief again. 

“Yeah… yeah. It did,�� he chuckles, continuing to smile softly at you.

"Well come on, then, let's get inside. We have a tree to decorate still and many other Christmas festivities,” you tell him with a beaming smile as you go to get up, but he reaches out and stops you. 

“Can we maybe just stay here for a moment more?” he mutters out and you blink at him for a moment.

“Yeah, of course, Jayj…” you softly tell him and he smiles a small smile at you. 

The two of you sit in silence for a little while before JJ, who's not wearing a coat, starts to shake a little bit."Come here. I bet you can fit in my coat with me and it’ll warm you up," You tell him as you hold your coat open to him. 

“Thanks, cupcake,” he mutters as he slides in under your arm and you smile warmly at him. 

“Of course, Jayj. It’s us against the world,” you whisper to him as you bring your pinky up and he smiles again before bringing his up as well, wrapping it around yours. 

“Us against the world, cupcake,” he agrees and you sigh, laying your head against his that now lays on your shoulder. 

“Hey, is this my scarf?” he asks after a while of silence as he lifts one of the sides of the scarf up. 

“Umm. Yeah, I think it’s the one you left here last year. I found it in my winter clothes. You can have it back if you want,” you answer with your cheeks burning hot and you try to hide your face. 

“Nah. Keep it. It’s a better fit on you than me,” he tells you softly and again you can’t help but blush. 

He says nothing else after that, just cuddles back into your shoulder and you squeeze his shoulder. The two of you stay sitting there, cuddling while looking out over the water in silence and just enjoying each other’s presence. 

“Hey, tweedledee and tweedledum, are you two going to stay out there all night and make me decorate alone? Or are you going to come be of some help?”John B calls out for the two of you from the edge of the dock and you both roll your eyes. 

“Well, you ready to go in?” You ask him and he smiles at you before nodding. 

“Yeah, let’s go,” he agrees before pulling away and the two of you start to stand. 

"Be careful cupcake, you’re clumsy and it’s really slippery out here,” JJ tells you as he stands up and you cross your arms. 

“I’m not that clumsy!” You fight back and he hums in amusement. 

“Okay. I’ll believe that when you're not tripping over thin air,” he jokes back with a smirk and you scowl at him. 

“Whatever…” you tell him as you roll your eyes before turning and taking a step to head back to the house. 

You let out a small gasp as you start to fall back, but JJ, knowing you well, was already reacting and quickly pulling you back up. You stare at him in shock for a moment before you slowly start to smile, making him smile too. 

"You were right. The ground really is so slippery,” You joke, eyes wide in shock and he playfully rolls his eyes at you. 

“Never change, cupcake. You’re truly one of a kind,” JJ tells you with a grin that’s utterly infectious. 

“Only if you promise never to change yourself, Jayj. You’re one of a kind too,” you request and he nods in agreement. 

You both stare at one another for a moment, your eyes staring into the blue pools that are his eyes that you’ve come to love so much over the years and you have a burning need to kiss him. You can feel his heart going what seems to be a mile a minute as he watches your eyes flicker down to his lips and back up to his eyes, his eyes doing the same. He squeezes your waist gently with a million thoughts of how your lips might taste flying though his mind. He wishes he could just kiss the adorable frown off your face, but he knows he can’t, making him frown too. You frown even deeper before opening your mouth to ask him why he’s frowning, but before you get the chance, you get cut off. 

“Hey! Would you two stop making eyes at each other and come help me decorate!” John B calls out again, interrupting the moment and you almost groan. 

“Thanks for catching me, Jayj,” you whisper out and something flashes through his eyes for a moment, an emotion you can’t quite decipher before he grins again, letting you go. 

“I’ll always catch you, cupcake,” he promises with a light smile before the two of you start to walk over to John B. 

You slip a little bit more, but you reach out and grab onto JJ’s arm. He looks down at you and chuckles as you cling to him like a koala bear, making him chuckle. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll get you to the end of the dock safely,” he promises with a laugh as he laces his fingers through yours and continues to walk over to John B. 

"Chaos has come again, man!” JJ announces as you and he walk into the château before he’s letting go of you to walk over to John B. 

“Don’t think that’s a good thing, man,” John B deadpans and you fight back a giggle as JJ pulls back from the guy hug they share, looking offended. 

“Fine then, I take it back. You’re definitely not my favorite person. It’s cupcake,” JJ says as he pulls you into him from behind. 

“Oh, so now I’m your favorite,” you ask, crossing your arms and giving a faux annoyed look. 

“Let’s be completely honest, bee, I think you always have been even when he lies outta his butt and says you aren't,” John B comments with a roll of his eyes as he picks up an ornament and hangs it on the tree. 

“It’s disgusting sometimes, really,” John B continues with a fake gag as he hangs the ornament up on the tree. 

“Ohh, I wanna do the angel!” You happily call out, clapping your hands and John B chuckles. 

“Don’t you always do it? This year’s no different, Bee. It’s your one job,” John B comments in amusement, making you pout. 

“It’s not my only job! I have others,” you fight back and JJ chuckles, slinging his arm around your shoulder. 

“Yeah, JB, her other job is lookin pretty,” JJ comments as he hugs you into his side and you fight a blush as you groan, pushing him away. 

“I extremely dislike both of you,” you comment, crossing your arms with a look of dismay falling on your face and they both grin. 

“That’s not true. You LOVE us,” both of them singsong to you and you uncross your arms, shaking your head. 

“Okay, maybe I do, but let’s get this show on the road,” you finally cave and agree with them before walking over to start decorating the tree some more. 

“Okay, miss head elf,” JJ jokes with a roll of his eyes and John B laughs. 

“Oh, that’s a good one, Jayj. She really is a snappy head elf this time of year, isn’t she?” John B agrees before pushing the joke a little further and you pause, crossing your arms again. 

"Call me elf one more time!" You seeth out through clenched teeth and they share a look. 

“Awe, come on, elfie. It’s a cute Christmas nickname, that’s all. Plus you're the perfect height for it,” JJ tells you again, wrapping an arm around your shoulder as he squeezes you affectionately and you huff, shaking your head. 

“Yeah, yeah. Come on, let’s get decorating already…” you tell them in annoyance and JJ snickers along with John B. 

Together you, JJ and John B all dance around and decorate, making you completely forget about everything that’s been going on the past few months. For a moment it’s just you and your two favorite people living happily with nothing and nobody to take it away from you. You’d give anything to live every single day like this. You walk away, still laughing at something JJ had said and walk back in with the scissors. You stop and fondly watch as John B and JJ fight over who gets to put an ornament on a certain branch. Blue Christmas by Elvis starts to play and without realizing it, you start to cry. 

“You okay there cupcake?” JJ asks as he turns around to see you crying and worry flows through him. 

“I’m okay, Jayj…” you tell him softly with a gentle smile on your face as you set the scissors on the table. 

“Then why the tears?” John B asks and you giggle, wiping at your eyes. 

“I just wish we could all live like this everyday. Just us three having the times of our lives with nothing to worry about,” you start, pausing to catch your breath a little and sniffle. 

“Both Kie and Pope have their parents. I’m happy to just have you two,” you explain, more tears welling up in your eyes and JJ clicks his tongue, coming over to give you a hug. 

“I’m happy we have each other too, Bee, but unfortunately we can’t have it everyday. There’s always going to be good and bad days,” John B agrees with you as he too comes over to hug you. 

“I know, I just wish it could be that way,” you sigh out and JJ squeezes you once more. 

“I think we all do, cupcake. Let’s just try to live in this moment then, yeah? Enjoy the time we have,” he asks and you grin up at him. 

“Yeah, okay,” you agree and he smiles, happy to see you back to your happy-go-lucky self. 

You gasp as the song’s lyrics perfectly fit the moment. “But I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas without you,” you sing along to Elvis as you sway and JJ shakes his head, but smiles as he watches you enjoy the music. 

“Perfect timing, much?” he jokes, propping an eyebrow and making both you and John B burst out laughing. 

“Yeah… definitely don’t quit your day job, bug,” John B jokes and you shrug, seemingly unfazed by his playful insult. 

“And what day job would that be, birdy? Hunting for gold?” You playfully ask back, sticking your tongue out at him. 

“Okay. Okay… you win,” he chuckles, holding his hands up in surrender. 

“I always win,” you say in a devious tone with an equally devious look. 

“Don’t I always win, Jay?” You ask, turning to JJ who looks between you and John B in a panic for a moment. 

“Sorry, JB. I have to say she is definitely a winner in my book,” JJ tells both of you and you let out a cheer, pumping your fist in the air. 

“Eat it, birdy!” You cheer out as you do a little dance. 

“So not fair! JJ’s only on your side because he’s crushing hard. Let’s bring Sarah in as a tie breaker,” John B complains and you pause your dance, crossing your arms as you prop an eyebrow at him. 

“How would that break the tie? One, Sarah would choose me too, and second, that’d only make it tied even more if she did choose you,” you comment very pointedly and he shrugs, sticking his tongue out. 

“At least it’d be more fair. Again, JJ only chose you because he’s crushing on you,” John B repeats and you shake your head. 

“And Sarah is so crushing on you,” you point out and JJ lets out an “ooooohhh”, making you laugh. 

“She got you there, JB,” JJ comments with an infectious smirk.

“Okay birdy, you win. I take it as a compliment that my favorite person is crushing on me though,” you happily reply, leaving a kiss on JJ’s cheek and he blushes before awkwardly clearing his throat. 

“Okay. Okay. Enough fighting, you two. I think it’s time to put the angel up, right?” JJ cuts in, only wanting to change the subject as he holds the angel up for you.

“Yeah, okay.” You agree as you take the angel from him. 

You look down at the angel in your hands, the angel you and your mom had picked out together when you were five. You don’t remember much of her, John B does because he’d been a little older (he’d been seven) when she left, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt when you think about how she just left the three of you behind. John B and your dad had told you so much about her that sometimes she felt like a phantom to you, like someone that was there for a second, someone you knew so well, then gone the very next. Tears well up in your eyes and you look up at John B. He immediately knows what you’re thinking and lets out a sigh, sad for you as always; he always felt sad you couldn’t fully remember her like he could. 

“I know, bug. I miss mom too,” John B sympathizes with you and you wipe under your eyes as JJ squeezes your shoulder. 

“I just wish I’d gotten to actually know her a little more,” you mutter and JJ pulls you into a hug, knowing that’s the only sure way to comfort you. 

“Here, cupcake. Let me pick you up so you can reach the top of the Christmas tree.” JJ tells you after pulling away from the hug and he bends down before slipping his head between your legs lifting you as he stands. 

“You better not drop me, Jayj!” You squeak out before giggling hysterically as you’re now sitting on his shoulders, one hand in his hair, the other holding the angel and he stands straight. 

“I would never dream of it, cupcake,” he sweetly tells you as he holds you a little tighter to make it known he definitely won’t drop you. 

You grin as you put the angel on the tree before looking down to see JJ looking up at you. You nod at him and he bends to let you down slowly. Once you have both feet on the ground, he stands up straight next to you. You smile at him before suddenly you're letting out a gasp, pushing JJ away just the slightest but in your excitement. 

“What? What’s wrong?” JJ asks with immediate worry as he looks at John B for help, but John B just shrugs. 

“It’s If Everyday Was Like Christmas, my favorite Elvis Christmas song,” you happily explain and JJ lets out a sigh of relief, shaking his head. 

“We should have known,” John B playfully rolls his eyes. 

“Oh, we really should have, dude. She is an old soul,” JJ agrees and he chuckles as you start to sway again just as you had with Blue Christmas and JJ shakes his head again as you hold a hand out for him. 

“What?” JJ asks with an arched eyebrow and you grin, making his heart melt at seeing you so happy. 

"I want to dance with you. Come on. Dance with me, Jayj,” you beg, holding your hand out to him more insistently. 

“Okay, but you should know I’m not a good slow dancer, sweetheart,” he informs you as he takes your hand in his and you smile as you help him get into position. 

“It’s okay, J. Just sway with me. We don’t have to be all that fancy, we’re Pogues, remember? Not kooks,” you remind him and he laughs as he sways with you. 

“P4L. Never a kook,” JJ happily agrees, proud that you feel the same way he does. 

You lay your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes and his leans against yours. He looks at John B for a moment over your shoulder, who seems to be watching the two of you fondly. John B then surprises him by putting his hands up in surrender before leaving the room and JJ melts against you a little more. 

When If Everyday Was Like Christmas ends, both of you slowly come to a stop and you lift your head from his shoulder to look at him. You smile softly and again there’s a moment where you lock eyes. His bright brilliant blue eyes shining with happiness and another emotion that makes you think you might just kiss, but just like all the other moments over the years where you’d been close, John B walks back into the room. 

“And what’s going on here?” John B asks, ever the overprotective brother that he is and you roll your eyes. 

“Nothing, birdy. Are we watching Die Hard or not?” You change the subject as you push away from JJ and he tries not to frown at the missing feeling of your body heat. 

“Not. I thought we could open a gift or two,” John B tells you and you arch an eyebrow at him. 

“I thought we all agreed on no gifts this year?” You ask and John B shrugs. 

"I’d be down. I know we said no presents this year, but I wanted to get you both something special to show you how much I appreciate you, so I did…" JJ admits with a shrug and John B grins.

“My gifts really aren't much. Just one to open tonight and tomorrow for each of us. All have super special meanings, that’s all,” John B informs you and you grin, shaking your head. 

“Well, I really can’t say much. I did the same thing,” you admit with a giggle when they both give you a shocked look. 

“Bee! It was your idea!” John B cries out and you smile sheepishly. 

“Oops,” you shrug, feigning innocence. "Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone else, right?” You ask with a lopsided grin and John B lets out a chortle, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“I mean, she’s not wrong, dude,” JJ happily chirps out and you smirk, bouncing your eyebrows. 

“I’m never wrong, Jayj,” you joke, poking his side and he scoffs. 

“Okay. Yeah, whatever you want to believe, cupcake,” he humors you as he rubs at the spot where you’d poked him. 

After opening gifts, you’d all decided to watch the movie so you cuddle up next to JJ and John B sits in a chair off to the side. As the movie plays, JJ lays behind you with his strong arm wrapped around your waist like normal, and anytime he laughs you feel the warm air from his mouth over your neck, making goosebumps rise on your arms. You fight the whole movie not to fall even more in love with him and the way he holds you, but just like any other time the two of you cuddle, you do. 

“Well, I’m beat. I’m going to bed,” John B announces as he slaps his hands down on the arms of the chair and pushes himself up. 

“Goodnight, JB,” you call out as he walks toward his room and he turns around. 

“Goodnight, bumblebee. Sleep tight,” he replies with a soft smile your way. 

“So cupcake, you heading to bed, too?” JJ asks and you look up at him. 

“I’m not really tired. I might go lay in the hammock for a little while,” you inform him and he nods, letting go of your waist. 

“You could come join me if you want, but you definitely don’t have to,” you tell him, biting at your lip, nervous he might say no and he chuckles. 

“And skip out on our special hammock time?” he asks like he is offended and he smiles when you perk up. 

“Really?” You ask in excitement and he smiles even more. 

“Really, cupcake. I love our hammock time. Let’s go,” he promises softly as he pushes up off the couch and grabs the blanket the two of you always use. 

He then turns to you and looks down at you sitting up before reaching a hand out to you. You smile almost shyly as you slip your hand into his and he pulls you up from the couch. He wraps his arm around your shoulders and together you walk out of the château. You both walk down the stairs and over to the hammocks. 

“After you, princess,” JJ tells you as he bows like a butler would and you giggle.

“Why, thank you. You're a very kind Prince, you know that?” You ask him as he lays down with you now and he holds his arm up for you to cuddle up to his side. 

“Well it’s easy to be kind to a princess like you,” he tells you and you roll your eyes at his flirtiness as he uses his other hand to put the blanket over the two of you. 

You giggle as he struggles to lay the blanket out evenly over the two of you and you reach out to grab the other side, pulling it over yourself. You both finally relax and he squeezes you softly as the two of you look up to watch the very prominent stars in the sky. 

“Can I tell you a secret, cupcake?” he whispers out to you after a few minutes as he uses his fingers to rub your arm. 

“Of course, Jayj… you can tell me anything. You know that,” you promise as you cuddle into his side even more. 

"I believe the Abominable Snowman may be real... I think there may be something in that," he whispers and you slowly grin, turning to smile at him. 

“You might actually be right… I mean, who’s to say he’s not real?” You ask and he chuckles, loving the fact that you just agree with him. 

“I think I may have everything I want right here right now,” you whisper out as you cuddle back down into him with a hum of contentment. 

"Everything I want I can’t have,” he admits and you frown, pushing up to look at him again. 

“What do you mean? You don’t have everything you want? What else could you want?” You ask with a frown, sad that he could possibly not be as happy as you thought he was. 

He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before letting them open once more. His blue eyes stare into yours and you almost lose yourself in them. 

“You,” he whispers almost nervously and you’ve never seen JJ at his nervous before as you raise an eyebrow at him. 

“Jayj. You have me. I’m not sure why you think you don’t,” you tell him in confusion and he huffs in anger, but not in anger at you. No, he’d never be angry at you, but he is angry you're not getting it. 

“No, princess. You don’t get it… I want us to be… uggh,” he groans out, reaching up to rub at his chest and your eyebrow furrows even more as you reach up, moving his hand before rubbing his chest for him. 

“Jay. Just calm down and tell me. It’s okay… you want us to be…” you prompt him to continue on as he seems to calm a little more. 

“Okay… uhh… I want us to be more than friends, and I know Pogues don’t Mack on Pogues, but I’ve wanted to be so much more with you for years…” he admits, hesitation clear as he refuses to look at you for the second time that night and you just smile.  

“Jayj… look at me, please…” you whisper out and it takes him a moment, but soon he does.

"It was always you, through everything it was always you, Jayj. Nobody else,” you whisper again with a grin growing on your face as you watch him slowly realize exactly what you’d said. 

“Wait… really? But wait… what?” he asks in confusion and you giggle. 

"I'd always choose you, Jayj.” You softly promise and nuzzle into his chest bashfully and he chuckles, bringing his hand up to your head to massage at your scalp. 

“I’d always choose you too, Princess,” JJ promises just as softly as he leaves a kiss to your forehead. 

“You missed…” you tell him with a confident grin as you sit up to look at him and he chuckles again, shaking his head. 

“Oh, my bad. Let’s see if I can fix my mistake then,” he jokes right back with his own smile growing. 

Before you know it, his hand trails from your hair and to your neck, lightly pulling you to him while tilting your head ever so slightly. He moves slowly and treats you so gently, making the butterflies erupt even more in your stomach. There’s a thick anticipation that falls over you with how slowly you move closer together, but it’s the kind of anticipation you really don’t want to end. Finally his lips meet yours in a firm yet delicate and maybe a little desperate kiss. You are a little surprised, thinking it would have been a little more heated with knowing how JJ is, but the delicacy of which he kisses you proves to you just how much he’s wanted this. 

He worries if he makes it any more heated like he normally does with other girls, he’d ruin this whole moment and he really doesn’t want to lose you. You're the most important girl out of all the ones he’s ever been with, so if he messes it up he’s scared he might lose you all together. You take a leap and kiss him a little harder, surprising him for the smallest of moments, but he smirks into the kiss before reciprocating it even more. You smile into the now heated kiss as you reach up and wrap your arms around his neck and play with the hair at the nip of his neck, making him groan. You then maneuver a little more so now instead of laying side by side you lay on top of him and he squeezes your waist after his hands move from your neck. 

Slowly you pull away, breaking the kiss almost unwillingly and he chases your lips, giving them another peck and you giggle. He then leans his forehead against yours and you grin wide as both of your heavy breaths mingle together. 

“Wow…” you whisper, biting your lip and he grins at you. 

“Definitely wow. I’ve wanted to do that for a very long time,” he admits and you grin as you use your thumb to trace his lips. 

“I know it may be early, but I love you, Jayj. You’re my favorite Christmas gift,” you tell him as you scoot down and lay your head on his chest. 

“It’s not early at all, princess. I think we’ve loved each other for a while now. We’ve just been too scared to tell each other,” he tells you as he kisses your head and pulls you even closer then before. 

“Oh, and you're my favorite gift too, sweet girl. I love you,” JJ adds on and you sigh happily. 

“Merry Christmas, Jayj…” you mutter out as tiredness takes over your body. 

“Merry Christmas, cupcake,” JJ parrots you again, squeezing you a little closer. 

It’s a little while later and JJ smiles when he realizes your breathing has evened out, meaning you’re happily asleep in his arms. He yawns, but refuses to fall asleep quite yet, just wanting to enjoy having what he thought he never could. 

"How long ago did bug fall asleep?" he hears a whisper, making him look up at John B. 

“Only a little while ago. She’ll probably sleep in a lot more than the last few years. I thought you went to bed?” JJ whispers, not wanting to wake you as you sleep soundly on his chest. 

“I did, but I knew you two would come out here and I wanted to check to make sure you're all good before I actually fall asleep,” John B whispers back and JJ smiles a thankful smile at him. 

“Thanks, man. We’re good,” JJ tells him and John B nods, pausing to watch your sleeping face. 

“You take care of her, you hear me, JJ? You break her and best friends or not, I will break you,” John B says in a serious whisper and JJ’s eyes widen for a moment. 

“Don’t worry, dude. I don’t plan to and if it ever does happen, I’d break myself before you even get the chance,” JJ whispers honestly and John B smiles at his best friend. 

“I know, but now that the two of you got wise and got together, I still need to make it known. I’m her big brother first and foremost,” John B informs him with a shrug and a happy smile at seeing his sister happy, as well as safe and sound in his best friend's arms. 

“Goodnight, JJ. Sleep well, buddy,” John B tells him before turning and starting back to the château. 

“Night, man. You sleep well too,” JJ tells him in a happy whisper as he nuzzles into your hair. 

John B knows without a doubt that JJ is good for his little sister and you are for JJ too. He’s so happy the two of you have finally confessed and made it official. He’s had to watch the two of you pine for one another for years and it was painful sometimes because he cares for both of you so much. First and foremost though, as he’d told JJ, you are and will always be his first thought. It’s just a big brother thing to protect his little sister. 

JJ watches until John B makes it into the château before deciding to hold you close for a little while longer. Before he knows it, your soft, even breathing lulls him into his own slumber and his eyes close, but even in his sleep he holds you close, never ever wanting this Christmas to end; the most perfect Christmas ever for the both of you. 

The End…

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[the-nosy-neighbor]

4 Eddies

So, as a commenter pointed out, there ARE 4 Eddie videos in Commercials, does that translate to 4 separate Eddies running around on Homewarming?

1. Decorating Poppy's tree. Eddie is happy to be helping her with the tree. The focus of the video is Eddie pouring gravy on the red ornament, which is referenced later in The Bad Time. Poppy asks Eddie when he is going to rest and enjoy the holiday. This really reminds me of something (a horror movie? People around them telling them they need rest and something is actually happening? They live? Soultaker? None of them are quite fitting but I know this is a trope.)

A line of Poppy's that sticks out to me is "when are you going to give yourself some time (pause) to enjoy the holidays?" It is a weird way to say that. “Give yourself some time.” Eddie has the only timepiece in the place. Edit: that is what i thought but now there is a cuckoo clock.

But. "What’s a Homewarmin’s eve without a Homewarmin’ Ham in the tree, after all!" So it is Homewarming Eve.

[Puppet]

2. Bored, but have Homewarming gifts to deal with. (He also notably has intrusive thoughts during this bit, which he talks himself down from.) He wraps an apple for Wally, which is slapping a bow on it. You know, he never gives people their gifts. We had him wrapping them, but they said later it was all done. He had his mail bag but he didn't say anything about distributing them, despite Sally saying they distributed all their presents. We have zero proof there are presents.

[Puppet]

3. Super bored, has played tic-tac-toe against himself at least 18 times, but it could be more with the 2nd page. The score is 4 to 14. It should be the other way, if we are reading left to right, as the 1st player to move has a much higher chance of winning. Or ties, since that is probably how playing yourself goes.  

He gets mad and shoves things around in this bit, and I have always found it odd that he says "how is anyone supposed to get some recognition around here if they don't have anything to do?" Acting primarily for recognition is weird--especially for a puppet. He seems kind of desperate, too, like the consequences of not having recognition are dire.  

He also has a shopping list: envelopes, pencil, construction paper, paper (lined), egg, milk. (I would say eggs, but he has a weird swoop at the end of all of his words.)

[Puppet]

4. Eddie goes for his walk, and immediately is spotted/called to by Sally, who says that everyone has already delivered their gifts without him so he could rest and enjoy the holiday and that he should walk her to the party.

[Cartoon/puppet mix]

Ok, what about this? Eddie is stashed away in the post office because the other Eddies are around and we can't have 2 at the same time? I really had this thought because we didn't get any info on the present delivery, and an alternate Eddie could have delivered it. Along the same lines, what if the Eddie that encounters Sally is not the same Eddie as was in the post office? He does decide to go for a walk in the end of 3. This could be one of those sitcom i have 3 dates and i can't let them know type deals.

But 1 happens on Homewarming Eve. 2 is on the holiday, "I ain’t never had so little to do on a holiday before." 3 says "all day," so we can assume the same day, but that isn't stated. Could we be seeing multiple years' Homewarmings? But Sally says he was there all day. 4 says Homewarming party, so maybe the same day.

Maybe we should consider the split between the Eve vs the Day?

What if Eddie knows there are 4 of him? Or at least 2 of him? Eddie 2 is wrapping presents. Then Eddie 2 and 3 are playing tic tac toe, with OG Eddie smoking Eddie 2, since copies tend to degrade in media. Then, finally, Eddie 4 is meeting up with Sally, because despite the fact that Eddie said he was going to go for a walk, we have no proof that he did so. Besides, this Eddie is a cartoon.

Eddie 1 could have delivered his presents? No, for this to make sense, Eddie 1, the highest functioning (and OG) Eddie does the Homewarming Eve, then we see Eddie 2 putting presents together. Then Eddie 2 goes and delivers his presents, while Eddie 1 and Eddie 3 play endless Tic-Tac-Toe. Maybe Eddie 1 goes shopping at that point, since we have a shopping list. Eddie 3, being a copy, is breaking down, getting mad about being useful, because that's all he is for, to be of use to Eddie 1, and by extension, the others. Eddie 4 gets scooped up by Sally, who may never realize that she is watching different iterations of Eddie throughout the day.

I wonder if through the other bits of Eddie there are any indications that he might be more than 1? We have that one concept drawing that sparked the idea--

Another concept drawing that fits:

There are multiple letters, multiple hearts, multiple versions of the word mail, and Eddie has a ? He has doki doki cheeks. Also, behind this drawing, we see a version of Eddie in some kind of distress. I can only really see the red face and pained look, as well as it looks like some movement of his arm. We can see the pocket of his shirt vaguely, but not sure what else is going on there.

In "commercials," we have layered sound and layered visuals. What if that layering represents multiple Eddies experiencing different things? Like the single pea and then saying 4, all the things he experienced as each version of himself played simultaneously. In this, I can see a wreath, Home's eye from this part, the Welcome home logo, all with Frank on top.

In line with the toy Eddie looking at his price, this Eddie sees himself dwarfed by toys. The realism involved in this presentation during a cartoon version of Eddie segment is jarring. Could he be having a realization about the degrees of realities his different personas have?

And as we can see it the detailed screens at the bottom of that image, we go pea on a plate, nightmare home, real/puppet version of pea on a plate, surrounded by giant toys, the clock, ornament, and gravy, which puts me in mind of Poppy:

And this--

this is definitely part of Eddie's realization, or derealization, I guess, depends on how you look at it. Under "Having a Get-Together?" it says "Consider inviting more peas to the party!" and "Add additional peas according to how many guests there are!" What if Eddie looks down and his thought is "that isn't enough peas for all of me." Especially possible considering that Eddie flashes back to this pea on a plate multiple times throughout his Bad Time.

I have considered before that the pea on a plate is important because it leads to Eddie considering being in two places, but what if it is important because he is think about how he's been in multiple places at the same time?

Puppet Eddie is at Home, and Cartoon Eddie is at the Post Office? Obviously, it would be backwards, because we know Cartoon Eddie is at Home. Maybe it is time to reconsider this idea?

We're hanging a lantern on this new monolith in the neighborhood? And/or, the letters mean something? F with the bug, that for sure references Frank. Also, kind of makes us think of Bug-A-Bye, and we've considered that is a representation of a kind of death for Eddie. In addition, that thumb is right on "J" and a present, so it could be Julie, or it could be presents, since they have figured in so strongly. The code we used this for does not include a J, so there isn't a present to be found on the website? (I have to go and check now.) I didn't see any.

I went off and got distracted, as usual, but nothing else to report. This is an interesting idea. Next, I will either be doing mythology or mentions of "time," especially in reference to Eddie.

[siobhanbooks]

2024 Fic Writer End of Year Roundup

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going! Thank you to @yanny_77 for the tag! If you're tagged her, feel free to answer!! <333

How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

187,571 with 176,948 in Empyrean fics

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

21 - that's more than a whole page on ao3!

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

5! (with a lot of fics still solely hanging out in my google docs lol)

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

'tis the damn season. I spent so much time researching all the American parts of it, it was so heavily beta'd and edited to make sure that side all made sense. It wasn't supposed to be that long but somehow it ended up as my longest oneshot. I started and finished it at a time when I was feeling a lot like Imogen does in the fic and it really helped to get my feelings out that way. special thank you for @essjaywrites for giving me the word homestuckness. it's the fic that shows my writing off the best in my opinion and shows just how much I've changed as a writer since May alone.

I put my whole heart into this fic. If you only read one thing I wrote this year, let it be this.

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

nothing really sticks out beside everything because this is my first year posting omg

'tis the damn season because it was my first 1st person smut

Nakey & Bakey because it was my most out there smut (in my opinion) - thank you @yanny-77 for that prompt and @greeneyedwildthing for everything you did to help me with it including giving it to me!

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

Amari save me got pretty dark and 'tis the damn season got pretty long but I don't think anything else to be honest

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

Amari save me - this is the saddest thing I wrote ever and not enough people have read it!!! please go read it!!!

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

@essjaywrites internet mum and all round amazing person (also her writing is so inspiring as well)

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

there literally so many people that I can't tag you all so to cover, literally everyone over on the RQ discord server, you're all amazing!!

special mentions to @alexandia03 my other internet mum who is just so amazing and wonderful and talented, @yanny_77 who introduced me to bodoc, @ubiquitously_me who introduced me to bodhiam, @hockeyspiral23 who introduced me to bodociam, as well as my beta's: alex, sarah, @TeganTales, @saracasticmothwrites, and @copperfirebird.

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

everyone? I only read FW and IF this year (in April omg) so I actually don't know who to put here people I haven't mentioned yet - @softodettes love you loads

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start?

not posted…I have one in the drafts with @TeganTales which started from idea bouncing and my WIP ban meaning I couldn't start it on my own lol

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

like daylight having over 50k words is pretty damn impressive, but to be honest it's not about the numbers, it's more about the people I've met and the friendships I've formed this year

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

that I can do it and i'm actually good at it!!

14. What is your advice?

Go for it!! Someone out there will read it and you never know…maybe someone adopts you - looking at @alexandia03 and @essjaywrites lol

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

finish all of my WIPs apart from LD because that's got a lot to go lol

write some of my imrrick ideas

write that fic with Tegan

but mostly keep going!!

(yes technically it's 2025 for me but who cares - love you all)

[beanarie]

Hey! I hope you don't mind but I'm putting in 4 picks from the writing ask meme! Obviously do with it as you will! 3 - how you feel about your current WIP 4 - a story idea you haven’t written yet 12 - a trope you’re really into right now 18 - if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

putting all of these together. thank you everyone for letting me yap 😘

(3) how you feel about your current WIP

panickinggg lmao. i have 2 weeks-ish to make it make sense and i decided all the angst week prompts are the same story (because 1 accidentally dovetailed right into 2) which, given that i've purposely not looked at the last four prompts, is, um, idk. i always panic. 🔥it'll be fine🔥

(4) a story idea you haven’t written yet

like a plot bunny? i don't really have any at the moment. lately all my creative energy gets shot in one direction, i finish the fic, take a day or two off, then i come up with another idea.

(12) a trope you’re really into right now

is mpreg a trope? because the love it of it was kinda drained out of me a decade plus ago by everyone around me's lack of interest. but bt nation watered the fuck out of my crops

(18) if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

from (not) everyone has a light switch:

"I don't know if I'd want that. At least not taking part myself. And if you told me about it, I'd probably want to shoot myself. But-"

from @geddyqueer

(28) your least favorite part of the writing process

when all the parts i like are on the page and i have to figure out the connective tissue and give the whole deal a good edit, even though my lizard brain is SCREAMING at me to post it and move on and i no longer know how to read

(17) talk about your writing and editing process

usually starts with one big scene. overthink all the words. get that down. step back. lean forward. squint until some bigger picture develops. write some other bit, preferably right after or soon after the bit that's already written. keep going until it's story-shaped, then circle back to add in any missing tendons.

(16) favorite place to write

the subway. i have a long-ish commute and nothing makes it go quicker than throwing words together

(5) first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

Buck finds his breath and he hurries over to the patch of street where Chim and Hen are crouched over Tommy.

from @nzchance

(19) the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

oh hey. did you know that when surgeons drill a hole in your skull, it doesn't heal and they often don't fill it in?

(4) a story idea you haven’t written yet

i'd kinda like to do soulmates, but i've never found a concept to sink into

from @bidisasterevankinard

(11) a WIP you’d like to finish someday

season five missing scene where chimney and buck resolve their whole you punched me-i hid your infant daughter's ER visit from you differences

(14) where do you get your inspiration?

fandom, more often than not. pretty much all my fics from the last couple of years came from prompts, text posts, or were remixes of other people's fics. off the top of my head, the only exception seems to be the parent trap fic, but even then it's in conversation with how fandom portrays the extended firefam. i'm very into the collaboration aspect.

writer asks

[wisteria-lodge]

2, 3, 4, 7, 11, 12, 14, 16, 26, 27, and 28 for the ask game?

for the ask game~

2 ~ Which of my fics is my pride and joy?

I suppose I do have a soft spot for my rarepair stuff. I wrote some Sam Winchester/Balthazar, which never got all that many hits - but it is still the only one with 'inspired by' fics written about it, so like... there's something there. For me it was very rewarding, both in a cathartic way as a person and a stretching-my-muscles way as a writer, to write viewpoint characters who are allowed to be so unpleasant.

3~ What are my 3 most commonly used tags on A03?

Anal sex. Emotional hurt/comfort. Smut. I mean... yeah. that's fair.

4~ What are some words or phrases I feel like I overuse.

I start way too many sentences with 'And.' Oh it's so glaring. I'm literally going back over old fics and combing out some of the 'Ands' because it bugs me so much.

7~ Coffee or tea while I write?

Tea while I write, coffee while I edit. I love editing in coffeeshops.

11 ~ What makes a fic 'successful' in your opinion?

If it attracts regular commentators, and then inspires regular commenters to keep coming back. Also I DEFINITELY feel my fics are successful if they inspire any kind of outside work - fan art, bookbindings, inspired-by fics, interesting asks or questions. That counts for SO much I can't even express it.

12 ~ What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The very first? Frankenstein. I wrote an alternate ending where the Creature got to have a short interaction with Victor before he died, then picked the body in a wedding carry and took it with him, as he walked off into the Artic wasteland.

I then wrote a second alternate ending where they went on a book tour, promoting Victor's book My God Complex, and the Creature's poetry collection Under Patchwork Skin. You got a discount if you bought both at the same time.

16 ~ What do I struggle with most while writing?

The nature of posting on A03 means I'm focusing on one chapter at a time, which is fine if you're *reading* it one chapter at a time, but one of my goals it to make sure the stories *also* hold up to more binge-style reading. Which does mean going back after the fact and removing the sort of duplicated beats/overly long beats that don't really ping if you're editing chapters a week apart from each other.

26 ~ Do I ever 'prep' my fics with outlines or warmups, or do I just dive right in?

More and more, I've actually stepped away from outlines. @Niche-pastiche and I talk about where we see it going, what the main conflicts are, what the main tensions are, but it is SO fun when the characters surprise us. Mostly I'll watch clips of the characters I'm writing to get their specific voice in my head, and/or I'll have specific songs or musical artists associated with different characters.

(the malfoys are do not have music. the malfoys have a pinterest board. I absolutely will get in character by looking at the malfoy pinterest board.)

27 ~ Are any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

I think stories are portraits (but not autobiographies!) So of course the things we're picking through and processing at the time of writing make it onto the page. I've absolutely pulled in a real interaction I've had with someone, or a very specific thing I've felt. That kind of thing can be a good grounding agent.

Probably the majority of 'visible' personal experience comes with pulling in the specific vibes of people I know, and ESPECIALLY the specific ways people I know talk. This is even more the case if I'm fleshing out a character who was tiny or static in the source material, or a character (like Clark Kent or Bruce Wayne) who has had so *many* interpretations that you need to pick and choose your influences, and give them a little outside grounding.

[detectivestucks2]

Escape with the Cursed King XII

Pairing: Sukuna x F!Reader

Warnings: NSFW, Rough Oral Male Receiving, Bondage, Rough Penetration

Summary: You're meeting with the possible vessel doesn't go well but when you return home, you find Sukuna in the dungeons all too happy to see you.

Art Credit: @akirasukuna

Word Count: 4.8k

Chapter 1 I Chapter 2 I Chapter 3 I Chapter 4 I Chapter 5 I Chapter 6 I Chapter 7 I Chapter 8 I Chapter 9 I Chapter 10 I Chapter 11 I Chapter 13 I Chapter 14

a/n: not edited yet, but wanted to be on time posting*

Approaching the table at the far end of the cafe, your vessel prospect stands up and pulls out the chair next to him. You hesitate, having anticipated sitting across from the man. He is a stranger after all. Part of you thinks about just pulling out your own chair across from him, but you don’t want to start off on the wrong foot. Surrendering, you take the seat but instead of scooting in close to him, you angle your chair towards him while sliding back to the opposite corner of his side of the table.  

The man stares at you, drinking you in the way Ainu was absorbing her surroundings on the train moments ago. The difference is that she had a look of awe while this man has something more …sinister.

As you stare at him your mind starts to spiral. You’ll admit that in spite of his predatory stare he’s much more handsome in person than on his profile. If his gaze didn’t make you feel uneasy, you could picture yourself being attracted to him. Though you guess it’s not that important because it won’t be him staring back at you, it will be Sukuna and technically, Sukuna’s personality will replace his so if he turns out to be a terrible person, you’d be taking a bad guy off the streets…right? Or would his negativity fuel something dangerous in Ryomen? After the binding ceremony, will the guy’s consciousness linger in Sukuna at all? Will his thoughts linger in the back of Sukuna’s mind? There is so much unknown about what you’re trying to accomplish and now is not the time to be asking yourself these questions. 

Focus girlie, you only have an hour to feel this guy out.

Your eyes pan up and down, giving him a once over when suddenly you realize he is asking you a question. “W-what?”

“I said, what brought you to message me?”

“I-I-umm, well, if I’m being honest, I was interested in your heavenly pact.” you say, unable to wholeheartedly lie. You had a plan but you’re no good at dishonesty and now that you’re in the moment, the entire thing flew out the window. Hopefully some half truths will help you muscle through this practice round, now that you’ve already gone rogue. 

Good thing you started with this guy. While he isn’t out of the running, you intentionally didn’t pick your favorite to meet right away, you needed a pancake date. Someone that it’s okay to mess up with so that you’d get better with each meetup.

He quirks a brow. “My heavenly pact, eh?”

“Yes, I wanted to know what it is.”

“Do you believe in demons, miss?” 

Your eyes bug at the question, a million thoughts racing through your mind. “Not exactly.”

“Well I assure you, they’re out there. I can feel them, they’re like parasites, feeding off of the sadness and pain of humans.”

It occurs to you that maybe this man can’t see curses or cursed energy. Maybe he’s not actually talking about demons. Maybe he’s referring to what you know best.

You smile, “In my world, we call them cursed spirits and I can see them.”

“Ah, in your world. Guess that means we’re a part of the same world then. Well, I might not be able to see them like you, but I can sense them with pinpoint precision. If I feel one, I can grab it and crush it with a squeeze of my fist. My restriction brings me extra strength but at the cost of fighting an invisible enemy.”

“So if you hate curses, then why are you on a Sukuna fan page?”

“Cause he was the king of them. He’s the ultimate demon and I aspire to be the ultimate eradicator. I guess you could kinda say he’s my motivation.”

“Was the king of them?”

“Well he’s not around anymore. But what I'd give to have that kind of power.” he says dreamily. 

“What if he were still around?”

“Ha! He’s been gone for hundreds of years.”

“But if he were to resurface one day, what would you do?” you ask, feeling a need to know what kind of threat this man could be, for Sukuna’s sake.

“Well I can’t fight him head on, so I’d need to find a way to seal him. But first I’d need to find him. Once I do, I’ll draw him out by obtaining whatever is most precious to him and destroy it.”

You gulp knowing that you’re the ‘whatever that is most precious to him.’

”So your plan is to take him down?”

“Precisely.”

“Doesn’t that seem a bit…unattainable? He’s insanely strong and you can’t see him after all.”

“I can’t, but we need to band together if such evil ever returns to this earth.”

“I guess I wasn’t expecting this to be your attitude considering that you’re on his fanpage.” you muse aloud. “You going to use the X page as your kill list if he ever comes back?”

“You’re asking a lot of questions about Sukuna. I thought this was to ask about my Heavenly Pact. You lying to me, Sugar? Hmm?”

You feel panicked about his flirty suspicion but before your face can give away your emotions, the waitress comes over and hands him a coffee that he must have ordered prior to your arrival. He sets down the mug the waitress hands him. Then the young girl turns to you and asks what you’d like to drink. 

You decide to order for two, anticipating Saturo’s arrival. The guy lifts a questioning brow. 

“It’s for my fiance” you explain like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Your fiance is meeting up with you while you're out on a date with a guy from the internet?”

“This isn’t a date!”

“Then what is this?” “I just wanted to meet someone with a heavenly pact. I wanted to know more about them. I’m a sorcerer. I need to know as much about this stuff as possible.”

“Why do I get the feeling there's more to this?”

You stammer, searching for a reasonable lie when you’re saved by an eavesdropping Gojo who walks up to you casually and kisses your cheek. “Hey babe! This the guy you were telling me about?”

You contain your surprise at the kiss and maintain your poker face even though you wanna smack Saturo for his audacity.

“Yes, babe, it is.”

“Kenneth, nice to meet you.” Gojo lies while extending his hand.

“Pleasure.” your ‘date’ responds curtly barely masking his annoyance that you’re not actually on a date. 

Just then the waitress returns with two macchiatos. You pass one to Gojo who gladly takes the free drink, thoroughly enjoying the situation as he smiles over the rim of his mug. 

“He was just telling me how he can’t see curses but he can sense them.”

“Reeeally. What does it feel like when you sense them?” Gogo leans forward, resting both elbows on the table in interest.

“There’s this kind of static in the air. It feels thick. Almost tangible. When I squeeze it, the static disappears.”

“Fascinating.”

“I’d love to see it in action!” you exclaim, trying to sell your story.

“Babe, leave the man alone. He was nice enough to meet up with you. You don’t need to keep bothering him. I’m sorry sir.” he apologizes to the stranger as if he were taking responsibility for a child.

“But, I…”

“It’s fine, really. If you’ll excuse me, I was just about to meet up with some friends. Mind if I leave my share of the bill here?” You can tell the man is lying and just looking for a reason to go and it bothers you.

Gojo casually waives his hand. “No problem. Thanks for humoring her. I appreciate it.” Then he hugs your shoulders and gives you a little shake like you’re the most ridiculous and adorable woman alive, the movement leaving you to feel like a small child. 

You watch your pancake vessel leave before you turn on your best friend. “Saturo, was that really necessary?”

“Yes, you needed him to lose interest.”

“But now he thinks I’m some weirdo. What if I end up wanting him to be the candidate?”

“Don’t worry, I have my ways” he says with a casual check of his nail beds. 

You blow a raspberry at him before propping your head up with your elbows at the table. Your eyes are downcast until you remember Ainu is sitting by herself. Your chair practically falls over with how fast you stand up and turn around looking for her. “Ainu?!”

“Geez Sweetheart. She’s fine!”

“What did I say about calling me Sweetheart?”

“What, I thought you got used to it by now.”

“Not after you kiss my cheek, no.”

You shove his shoulder and then turn to flag down the waitress to pay for your drinks before leaving to catch the bus out of here. 

The bus sways as it winds its way through the city. You sit side by side and your shoulders knock into each other in time with the motions of the vehicle.

“Well that was a complete waste of time.”

“Not necessarily. We learned some things.” Gojo assesses

“Like what?”

“Not every person on Sukuna’s fan pages are allies, some of them are enemies.”

“That’s true, I was gonna tell him I was there to revive Sukuna. But he may have eliminated me on the spot had I not learned about his opinions first.”

“Exactly. Your original plan would’ve been a disaster. Good thing you choke under pressure.”

“Do not! I just suck at lying.” you say with indignation. “But I’m worried about his suspicion.”

“What about it?”

“I don’t know, something’s not sitting right.”

“It’s probably nothing, babe” he says with a nudge of your shoulder with his own. You body check him in retaliation, annoyed that he’s taking this fake fiance thing too far. 

“Whatever, at least I got the worst of it out of the way. Let’s message the next one and see if we can meet him sometime this coming week.”

“I take it I’m gonna be traveling a lot these next few months.”

“Hopefully not that long.”

“Psh, yeah, okay. I know how picky you can be. You’re gonna want to meet as many men as possible before making your decision, even if you love the second one, you’re gonna drag me across the country to meet 20 more before you’re sure of your choice.”

He didn’t have to call you out so accurately but he wasn’t wrong. You probably would want to meet them all before you make your decision. “Well then, let's get started so we can be finished by the end of next month.”

Gojo rolls his eyes but agrees, knowing it’d be good to get this tedious business out of the way even though kissing your cheek and calling you babe felt like heaven. He wants to drag out the charade but he also knows he needs to be tactful about all these requests off work. If the University thinks he has a lead on your whereabouts, they might invite themselves along. 

“Don’t forget we both need to be lowkey during all of this Sunshine. Please be discreet when you’re messaging these men.”

You nod, surprised by his sudden concern. “I will.”

Gojo grabs your hand and kisses the back of it before covering it with both of his hands. “I will always have your back but I can’t save you from everything.”

“I know.”

He looks into your eyes, searching them to verify you’re being serious. Once he verifies that you mean what you’re saying, he relinquishes control of your hand. 

You whip out your phone and start sending messages to two of the other vessels, looking for possible meeting times next week. Their cities are not far from where you met this guy, so the commute will look similar. Gojo agrees to meet you at the same stop and after some light hearted chatting, Gojo wishes you goodbye at the train station, promising to see you on Tuesday.

It’s a long trip home but you and Ainu finally cross into the veil. As you walk into the mansion she thanks you for the outing then heads to her home on the East side of the estate property completely exhausted from her first travel experience. 

Extremely tired, yourself, you feel hunger like you haven’t felt in forever. In the nerves of it all, you forgot you haven’t eaten anything since breakfast and now it is nearly supper time.

As much as you want to go say hi to Ryo, your stomach is calling the kitchen and you wander down the East side of the estate to see if there are any rice balls to snack on. 

As you pass various staff members, you see they have concerned looks on their face and a few whisper to each other. It makes you feel uneasy, wondering what they could possibly be talking about. Do you have something in your hair? Maybe you grew a blemish?

Just as you near the kitchen, you see Sheila in a skimpy kimono with her ‘assets’ hanging out. She looks triumphant, as if her dreams are on the cusp of coming true. She’s always sure of herself but what could possibly have her gloating like this?

“Evening Sheila” you say shyly but only out of respect as you pass her to push open the kitchen door.

In response, she scoffs.Haughty and dismissive. She really doesn’t seem to understand her place, acting like she runs things when really it’s your fiance who has the final say. You roll your eyes and shake your head, annoyed and frustrated by her attitude, but you don’t say anything, not wishing to engage. 

However, Sheila has something different in mind. She catches your wrist and yanks you out of the kitchen doorway. “How dare you roll your eyes at me, you disrespectful slut.”

“I’m the disrespectful slut?!” You respond incredulously. 

You leave for one afternoon and somehow this girl thinks she’s in charge. 

“I know what game you’re running. My ancestors and I created the playbook. We know how this goes and you’re little charade doesn’t fool me.”

“There is no charade, Sheila! I love Ryo and he loves me. Just accept that and move on.”

She laughs hard, too hard, and the sound makes your stomach twist, “A man in love doesn’t get hard for another woman. Don’t act like you know Lord Sukuna. I have the knowledge of generations of women who’ve served under him. I am part of a lineage of prized women, bred to pleasure him. You will never compare.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose, “You sound like a super villain. Just leave me alone and you won’t create trouble for yourself.”

You don’t miss her comment but you’re not about to give into her games. It’s as if this woman’s forgotten that Sukuna will murder to protect you and that you’re a special grade sorcerer who can level this estate at any moment if you wanted to. Plus what is she talking about, him getting hard for another woman?

Her snake eyes leer at you and just as your ripping your wrist from her grasp, another maiden who works in the kitchen walks through the door and gasps,

“Sheila! How dare you lay a finger on the lady of the house!” The small girl slaps Sheila across the face with surprising strength. “Did your mother never teach you about respect and honor? Or did she only teach you about how to be a whore?!”

You couldn’t believe the amount of fight coming from this tiny woman. Ainu is right, the rest of the staff are getting tired of Sheila. You heard the concubines are having trouble adjusting to a more labor intensive role but this is absurd. No wonder the rest of the staff hate them. The girl turns towards you once she’s done chastising Sheila. 

“My Lady, I’m so sorry.” she bows. “How may I assist you?”

She lifts head, an expectant look keeping her brows raised as she waits for your answer. 

“I-uh-I was hoping for a snack.” you admit, even though the confrontation with Sheila has stolen your appetite. Sheila scoffs and walks off, you glare at her retreating figure, frustrated by her continued theatrics. One of these days she’ll be put in her place, but you’re not looking forward to the cat fight that will precede it. 

“Of course, my lady. Right this way.” She guides you into the kitchen and towards the food pantry. “What would you like?”

“I was craving some rice balls, actually”

“No problem, we always have some on hand. Do you need a dish for sauce?”

“Yes please. And do you know where I can find Lord Sukuna?”

“He’s down in the dungeons ma’am.”

You nod, knowing he’s doing something unsavory that you typically don’t like to see. Good thing your appetite is already ruined. 

The girl gives you a glass container filled with your snack and a small dish of eel sauce with a lid that’s tucked into the corner. “Thank you” you say as both of you bow at each other and you glide off to the basements in the West end of the estate.

On the long walk, you munch on your rice balls, trying to get some nutrients before you lose all willingness to eat from whatever nonsense is happening in the dungeon.

The door to the basement in the West wing is a heavy wood and metal door. Most doors in Sukuna’s home are either paper or bamboo, however, this one is a thick cherry with an iron handle and stone steps that lay just opposite of its entrance.

Balancing the food in one hand, the other pulls on the handle to find it unlocked. You figured it would be since Sukuna never locks the door behind him. You walk down the steps to a dark hallway and only hear an intermittent grinding noise. No screams, no cries, no shouting. He must be disposing of a body…gross.

Your steps echo against the stone as you travel towards the sound. “Ryo?”

All noise ceases and for a moment the silence frightens you. “Ryo? Is that you?”

“Princess?” Warmth blossoms all over your body. You’re so happy to see him that you bound up to him and give him a one armed hug before offering him a rice ball.

“Thank you, Doll, but I’ll wait till it’s supper time. I’m not hungry right now.” Yet as soon as you go to lower the rice ball and place it back in your dish, his mouth swipes it out of your hand and snatches it in one bite.

“Not hungry my butt” you scoff, playfully.

“Wanna say that again?”

“Hmm?” you say, feigning ignorance

“Something about your butt?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you say but that smile on his face is an unfair mix of sultry and evil and you know he’s egging you on.

It’s not wise to mess with Sukuna when he’s just done something brutal for his work. He’s always rough with you when he returns from the dungeons and now here you are, provoking him within their walls. At one time you would be afraid that he’d actually hurt you, but now you trust him and know he’d never do that. 

Your king crowds you, taking the entire dish from your hands and finishes the food inside before dipping his finger in the eel sauce and demanding you lick it clean. 

You do as he says, holding eye contact with him as your tongue rolls over the digit.

“Do you remember my promise to you this morning, Princess?”

“Mhm” you nod with his finger in your mouth.

“Then if you wanna save those shorts, you better take them off now before I rip them from every seam.”

Quickly, you kick off your boots and begin to disrobe, trying to preserve your shorts, tights, and sweatshirt before he grows impatient.

“Boots back on.” he husks. You quirk your brow and quickly pull your knee-high boots back over your feet before he’s spinning you around and pushing you against the wall.

A sound of surprise slips out as your body thuds against the cold stone. The change in temperature is felt through your thin undershirt and perks your peaks. 

“Originally I had something else planned for tonight, but I think I’ll save that for another time.” he breathes as his hand snakes between your legs. You gasp when he cups your center and strokes your clit, petting the nub in a most tantalizing way. 

You hear the glass container that harbored your snack clatter to the ground as his other hand circles you to grab the base of your neck. Pressure is applied as his opposite hand increases it’s speed before allowing his fingers to dip into your folds. A gasp cuts though the silence. Your back arches so that your chest pushes into the stone wall, freezing your nipples till they are hard enough to slice through your shirt.

He strokes in and out of you, first casually, but as your body begins to squirm, his ferocity increases. The more you moan and grind into his fist, the tighter his grip becomes on your neck.

He rips away his fingers from your slit and feeds them to you, fisting your mouth and making you gag.

“Come,” he directs as he yanks you down the hall by your elbow. You wonder where you’re going but it doesn’t take long to see he’s bringing you to an open cell. Fear buzzes through you as you realize one of his games could be misery for you but he moves quickly closing the shackles around your wrists before you can say no. You look down and realize the chains are secured to the floor behind you. Then you hear him leave. “Wait!!” 

He closes the door, locking you inside with that crazy smile on his face. “Please don’t leave me here Kuna!” you beg, feeling tears well up in your eyes. He stands on the other side of the bars and motions you over. You walk towards him but the chains don’t reach that far. Your arms are outstretched behind your back as you try to push your body forward.

“If you’re a good girl, then I’ll consider letting you out of here.”

The tears begin to flow from your eyes out of panic as you nod your head yes. Sukuna’s corner lip tugs up and he silently uses his finger to ask you to come closer. The painted black nail on that same finger grows into a sharp point and he grabs the top of your shirt, cutting into the fabric to create holes so your chest falls out. 

“Up against the bars, doll.”

You strain to push your chest up to the cold metal columns and the sight of you struggling has his dick straining in his pants. Gods he wishes he had a whip on him right now. Instead he’ll have to settle for his hands. He slaps his palm hard against your mound and you shriek in pain. You cower away from the edge of the cell, not wanting him to do it again. 

“Ah, ah, ah. You have to be a good girl if you don’t want to spend the night here.” Your jaw drops in disbelief. “Again.”

You pull up to the bars again and once more he brings his heavy palm down on your chest. You can’t help but yell from the pain, but this time you stayed. He raises his hand but pauses to see if you’ll pull away but you don’t. You stare at him like a helpless little deer and he feels his manhood pulse with desire. 

You can tell he’s set ablaze. His red eyes glow in the dark. He’s drunk on the power he has over you and he loves tearing down a strong woman. He continues to assault your front, grabbing your breast by the nipple and pulling it towards him so he can slap it with his other hand, then repeat the process on your other side. Your chest is bright red and starting to bruise before he finally stops and instead grabs both peaks with his fingers and pulls down till you collapse onto your knees. 

“Gooood little slut. Now eat your next meal.”

He stands back up and finally frees his throbbing length. The weight of it falls on your face, making you flinch.

“Open up. Tongue out.” he directs, slapping his meat against your flattened muscle. “Now swallow”

He grabs behind your head and shoves himself down your windpipe without any regard to if you’ll need to speak tomorrow or not. You cough around him, your body seizing as it strains against his brutality.

“Oh come now princess, surely you can do better than this.”

Arms still stretched behind you, Sukuna reaches through the bars of the cage and threads his fingers into your hair, getting a better grip. You cough again, the vibration turning him feral and triggering a selfish frenzy of thrusts down the back of your mouth.

It isn’t the first time Ryomen’s been rough with you but there is something dangerous about him this time. You thought he’d never hurt you but you keep forgetting who you’re dealing with. Is he in a bad mood or just a dangerous one? Whatever it is, it’s leaving your body wrecked.

“Good fucking girl.” he pants as your slobber trails out of your mouth and falls down onto your knees. You feel the strain on your shoulders and fear you’ll tear a rotator cuff from how he keeps yanking your body into the cell bars. 

His tip quivers in the back of your throat and you believe he’s going to finish when he rips himself out of your mouth, leaving you panting and gasping for air. 

“Stand up and turn around.” You comply, afraid to disobey him. 

He reaches through the bars and yanks your hips flush with the metal, piercing your core with his dick. As he starts to slam into you, he pulls your rear up against the bars at a bruising pace. He’s consumed by his lust for you. He’s completely forgotten that you’re a person and all he can think about is how to use your flesh to satisfy himself. 

Longing for a different angle, he picks you up at the hips and you fall forward face first towards the ground. You catch your weight with your hands but your feet are off the ground and your boots are sticking through the bars. One of the hands holding you up, bites your skin with his extra mouth, surprising you and causing you to shriek once more. 

The sounds of your surprise, your pain, your whimpering, they do something unexplainable to him. He can’t help the way these noises fuel his depravity. He wants nothing more than to absolutely destroy you just so he can come back to build you up again before ruining you once more for his own pleasure.

He beats into you so hard that your entire body shakes and your hands can barely support your weight. You lose your balance and collapse but he holds you firm and keeps going. Once again, your arms are jerked rhythmically, making you fear for your shoulders. His pounding increases in tempo and you know it’s coming. He finishes with loud groans that echo around the forsaken space, his cum filling you up before he drops you and lets you clatter to the ground. 

His tip weeps with the remnants of his ejaculant and he beckons for you to come forward and suck it clean. 

Hoping to earn your freedom,you rush to your knees and strain against the metal cuffs to do as he asks. When you're done you open your mouth and he spits in it before slapping your tongue.

“Filthy whore.” he says with a proud smile. “When I come back, I expect you to be ready again. And next time, I won’t be so nice.”

“When you come back?!” you scream. “Ryo, where are you going! No no no no no no no, don’t leave me!” But he ignores your panicked cries and walks away and up the stone stairs. You’re left nearly naked in the dark, waiting for him, both furious and scared. He hears your screams up stairs and smirks to himself. Don’t worry Princess, you won’t be waiting long…

Chapter 1 I Chapter 2 I Chapter 3 I Chapter 4 I Chapter 5 I Chapter 6 I Chapter 7 I Chapter 8 I Chapter 9 I Chapter 10 I Chapter 11 I Chapter 13 I Chapter 14

Masterlist

[needlesandnilbogs]

To Show Patience With: The Character of Overse in Martha Wells's Murderbot

Overse is not a name. As it's spelled, it's a Norwegian or Danish verb that means "overlook," or it can be spelled "överse" and be a Swedish word meaning "overlook" as well. My friend, a fluent Swedish speaker, said she'd understand the meaning if she saw the word "överse" used, but she wouldn't pick that word to translate from English to Swedish.

However, the language authority for Sweden, the Swedish Academy, gives an alternate meaning to the verb "överse"; it can mean to overlook, to critically go through/to review, or to show patience with. Their example of that last meaning is "han över­såg med barnens slarv," which my friend and Google Translate both say means something along the lines of "he overlooked the carelessness of the children."

I feel at this point I should quote this friend: "The funky thing about Swedish is that it's a very word-poor language, so one word can mean a lot of different things depending on context."

Martha Wells is a pantser, she's admitted to it. I'm sure she didn't intend that last meaning. But what if she did?

Our first introduction to Overse is on page 14 of All Systems Red (all page numbers are from hardback editions), where we get "I carried Bharadwaj up the ramp into the cabin, where Overse and Ratthi were frantically unclipping seats [...] their horrified expressions when they took in what was left of my upper body through my torn suit" (All Systems Red 14). Not very patient yet, given the description that the words "frantically" and "horrified" imply. But a few pages later, Overse and Arada have stabilized Bharadwaj by the end of the ride, and in the end of the chapter she's presumably among the group worrying in the mess. Soon after, when MB announces that there's a deleted part of the hazard report, it notes that "The reaction to that in general was pretty pissed off. There were some loud complaints from Pin-Lee and Overse and dramatic throwing-hands-in-the-air from Ratthi" (ASR 29). In a traumatic situation, it's understandable that everyone is a little panicked and nobody's being patient, but Overse seems to be able to work, even when she's upset by the situation.

By the time they're thinking about going to DeltFall, we have a little more info about Overse. Arada asks about recharging at DeltFall and "Overse put an arm around her and squeezed her shoulder" before explaining (ASR 47). MB even notes that "As a couple, they were always so nice to each other" (ASR 47). Arada is a little naive about the Corporate Rim, as evidenced by her questions here, the "terminal optimist" line in Network Effect, and just everything else. Overse, however, knows what's going on, and moreover, the combination of action and words, plus MB's statement that they are "nice" to each other, combines to create a patient tone when she's explaining.

During the rest of the book, Overse mostly shows up in the group scenes, in which she's a voice for reason, if just as worried as the rest of them. She appears briefly at the end of Exit Strategy, but not for long. When she really becomes a force of patience is in Network Effect.

In the first chapter, she "would be upset if I let her marital partner get killed" and "had shouted" at MB on the comm before that (Network Effect 11-12). However, she remains calm enough to warn Ratthi to get off the comm with the raiders and prepare the facility for launch, even through her worry. Shortly after, she notes to MB that it's been really supportive of Arada and how helpful that's been, and it notes that "[Arada] and Overse had always been firmly in the 'least likely to abandon a SecUnit to a lonely horrible fate' category, which was always the category I was most interested in" (NE 40). From it, that's an impressive compliment and a sign of Overse's ability to remain calm enough to make kind decisions while under immense stress.

This is born out a few pages later when Overse and Ratthi are in the control deck during the attack on the baseship and facility. "Both looked frantic," MB says, but it also notes that "frantic was the right reaction" and that there's no comm or feed (NE 43). Immediately afterward, Arada arrives, and "Overse's face twisted with relief and she bit her lip hard" (NE 44). After knowing that her wife is safe, Overse is more able to handle the situation. She gets comm partially active another page later, handles evacuation and separation well (though she and Arada both let their protectiveness for each other and the rest of the crew override their self-preservation instincts), and comes up with the idea of getting MB and Amena into EVAC suits as well as helping "cannibalize four of the EVAC suits aboard" to stabilize the safepod (NE 135).

Once removed from the immediate stress of almost dying, Overse demonstrates the ability to control her initial reactions (she "grimaced and rubbed her eyes" at ART's declaration that it won't leave till it gets what it wants, then communicates silently with Arada) and handles ART's demands with patience (NE 140). For instance, ART says it didn't plan to attack the facility, and she responds, "But it was your idea," with narrowed eyes (NE 141). I hate to make a personal anecdote in an analytical essay, but this is exactly the attitude my mother takes when I do something and she's trying to be patient but also communicate that I did a stupid. Same thing with their next group conversation with ART, where MB notes that she has a "'let's get this over with' expression," and when they first discuss the colony, where "Her expression had that grimly frustrated quality that was common when my humans talked about the corporates" (NE 149, 155). (What I'm saying is Overse is the mom friend lol)

There are two scenes later in NE that are especially telling. The first is in chapter 10, when Overse and Arada are on the way to check out engineering.

Arada and Overse had stopped in the corridor that went toward the engineering module. Arada hugged Overse, and Overse kissed her and said into her ear, "You can do this, babe. You're a bulkhead." "I'm a wibbly bulkhead," Arada muttered. (The wibbliness was why I trusted Arada. Overconfident humans who don't listen to anybody else scare the hell out of me.) Arada stepped back and smiled at Overse. "Got to get to work." (NE 164)

In this scene, Arada is worried; she's finally letting down the mask of command and letting Overse see how worried she is in a situation that is close to private. Overse responds in a manner consistent with the mention in ASR that they were always nice to each other, but she's more than just nice. Arada is upset in a way that's likely troubling to Overse, and Overse is able to calm her, be patient with her, and make sure that she's okay despite being worried about her.

The other scene in question is the infamous bunkroom scene, which deserves a whole separate meta about what's been told and what's left missing, but the simple summary is thus: in chapter 11, Arada agrees to go over to the Barish-Estranza ship, without consulting anyone else or making an informed decision. From then on, Overse is upset. Her initial response to the idea is "Fuck no," then "there was a big human argument" and "Overse said through gritted teeth, 'Rescuing you–or trying to recover your body–will not save us time'"(NE 202-03). A few minutes later, "Overse was still mad," and apparently needs "a chance to vent and calm down," which she gets by venting to Ratthi (NE 204). MB paraphrases, so we'll never know her exact words, but she apparently ends up "being angry at herself for getting angry at Arada during a crisis" (NE 205). She's able to calm herself down and be patient long enough to work with Arada, but it takes until the next chapter for MB to notice their relationship improving. The infamous bunkroom scene is really only a few lines:

Arada and Overse were back to getting along after spending time together in an unused bunkroom while we were traveling to the dock. I hadn't bothered to monitor them on ART's cameras or try to slip a drone in; the chances that they were having sex and/or a relationship discussion (either of which I would prefer to stab myself in the face than see) were far higher than the chance that they were saying anything I needed to know about. (I mean they might have been plotting against me, but you know, probably not.) (NE 230)

What's amazing is how much is communicated in the absence of any detail on what actually happened. Overse isn't mad anymore, not necessarily because there's a way to go back or to make it better (though they do seem to have negotiated a compromise about the next stressful situation), but because she's able to look past the situation and recognize that the best way to get back to a normal relationship with her marital partner is to overlook what happened.

To overlook. It can be a very easy thing to do, to overlook and ignore someone with a smaller role, such as Overse. To oversee something, to manage a whole bunch of things and ensure all of it goes correctly. But "överse" is also to be patient with, or to overlook flaws. And that is the core of Overse's character: she is the Patient One.

Not to say that I believe in nominative determinism, the idea that people gravitate towards work that match their name (Wikipedia). Martha Wells is a known pantser, and I doubt that this was a deliberate choice on her part. But she had to have a reason to choose the name Overse, even if that was just that it was on a list of words she liked. I want to imagine that the reason is that she knew she'd made a patient character and picked a name that secretly describes a patient person.

Sources:

"Nominative Determinism." Wikipedia, 25 Apr. 2024. Wikipedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Nominative_determinism&oldid=1220754650. Accessed May 31, 2024.

överse | SAOL | svenska.se. https://svenska.se/saol/?hv=lnr114060. Accessed May 14, 2024.

Wells, Martha, and Martha Wells. All Systems Red. First edition, Tom Doherty Associates, 2017.

---. Network Effect. First edition, Tom Doherty Associates, 2020.

[thisweekingundamwing]

This Week in Gundam Wing 7-19 October 2024

Here’s the roundup for October 7th - October 19th, 2024!

Remember to give your content creators some love! Be sure to join in on the events at the bottom! And remember to send in any new works you see or make this next week!

~Mod Hel

Fanfiction/Ideas/Snippets:

@bryony-rebb

https://www.tumblr.com/bryony-rebb/764587335635599360/dragging-myself-kicking-and-screaming-back-to-my

*dragging myself kicking and screaming back to my word document after one million years*

"Maybe we should try to delay our departure by a few days? With the right shuttle we could still catch up with the main fleet."

@duointherain

Apex Predators https://www.tumblr.com/duointherain/763789949468278784/fic-apex-predators-11

Note: Smelting temp for aluminum is 800 degrees. My roommates will not let me do this in the kitchen.

Quatre arched an eyebrow, looked down at the little individual hand blender next to his plate, then back up at Duo. “You made these mixers from aluminum you found on the beach, the streets?”

@miyurinq

3 x 4 Drabbles https://archiveofourown.org/works/59356291/chapters/151381402?hide_banner=true

M/M, Trowa Barton/Quatre Raberba Winner

Not Rated, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Torokatober2024, Trowa x Quatre - Freeform, Melancholy, Fluff, cute stuff, little drama here and there, English

a collection of drabbles for the Torokatober 2024 (Tumblr)

@ms-miserable-misery

https://www.tumblr.com/ms-miserable-misery/763607680110706689/day-6-im-not-giving-up

Day 6 - “I’m not giving up”

https://www.tumblr.com/ms-miserable-misery/763714563950690304/day-7-follow-me-if-you-want-to-live

Day 7 - “follow me if you want to live”

https://www.tumblr.com/ms-miserable-misery/763796881996398592/day-8-are-we-happy

Day 8 - “are we happy?”

https://www.tumblr.com/ms-miserable-misery/764091894482468864/day-11-well-that-worked-out-great

Day 11 - “well, that worked out great”

https://www.tumblr.com/ms-miserable-misery/764155181613170688/day-12-did-you-hear-that

Day 12 - “did you hear that?”

https://www.tumblr.com/ms-miserable-misery/764316843572969472/day-14-did-you-stick-to-the-plan

Day 14 - “did you stick to the plan?”

https://www.tumblr.com/ms-miserable-misery/764404078871773184/day-15-lets-try-this

Day 15 - “let’s try this”

https://www.tumblr.com/ms-miserable-misery/764497112231788544/day-16-no-im-not-okay

Day 16 - “no, I’m not okay”

https://www.tumblr.com/ms-miserable-misery/764589228684460032/day-17-strangest-thing-i-ever-heard

Day 17 - “strangest thing I ever heard”

Arts/Crafts/Photo Manips:

@alphamecha-mkii

https://www.tumblr.com/alphamecha-mkii/763722028479119360/deathscythe-hell-custom-by-amasaki-yusuke

Deathscythe Hell Custom by Amasaki Yusuke, fanart

@hyper-girlcrush

https://www.tumblr.com/hyper-girlcrush/764107565058719744/trowa-based-on-endless-waltz

Trowa Barton, fanart

@siodam

https://www.tumblr.com/siodam/764586285623066624

Heero/Relena, fanart

Photosets/Gifsets/Screenshots/Manga Pages:

@janaverse

https://www.tumblr.com/janaverse/763820192832815104/more-sheepish-duo-i-have-never-seen-heero-do

Duo/Heero, Sims, screenshot

https://www.tumblr.com/janaverse/764185464732303360/duo-in-spandex

Duo Maxwell, Sims, screenshot

https://www.tumblr.com/janaverse/764688856747524096/there-is-no-universe-where-wolf-nap-will-not-be

Heero, Duo, Sims, screenshot

https://www.tumblr.com/janaverse/764742385918001152/sneaky-i-am-sure-duo-would-let-him-play-with

Heero/Duo, Sims, screenshot

@therosecrest

https://www.tumblr.com/therosecrest/763872322771894272

Iria Winner, gif

Head Canons/Meta:

@a-river-of-stars

https://a-river-of-stars.tumblr.com/post/763718344427847680/

Gundam Wing supports your right to leave behind your deadname

https://a-river-of-stars.tumblr.com/post/763721062511984640/

Live-action Gundam Wing characters as headcanoned by a-river-of-stars (AI images generated through text prompts and edited in GIMP)

Fandom Discourse:

@emiliabeville

https://www.tumblr.com/emiliabeville/764006239523028993/seriously-struggling-to-get-through-gundam

Relena, official art

I hope you can get through it! It’s a wild ride. ^_^

Calendar Events:

@gwcocktailfriday

Cocktail Fridays!

Post responses on Friday, during Happy Hour between 3 & 5 pm in your own timezone.

Here’s the prompts for Friday, October 25th: https://gwcocktailfriday.tumblr.com/post/764767710938808320/cocktail-friday-post-responses-on-friday-october

In need of prompts!

@gwoc-october

Prompt List 2024: https://www.tumblr.com/gwoc-october/763150907755134976/gw-oc-october-is-back-going-a-bit-more-generic

@thisweekingundamevents

Events Calendar https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/730188053636841472/updated-events-calendar

If you are hosting an event currently, or are planning on one, hit us up with links and dates! We’ll add them to the Calendar and reblog your notices to get the word out!

GW Holiday Gift Exchange 2024

Assignments Sent out! Check your emails: https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/763976851818512384/all-gw-holiday-gift-exchange-assignments-have-been

GW Hallows 2024

https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/763151583438618625/gw-hallows-2024

[amelias-calamity-quintet]

More Writing Advice - MoaH Edition

I got an message (thank you @doubtfulloser) asking for more writing advice, and I figured I'd try to get some more thoughts on the page. Right now I'm not entirely sure what else to add to my current list as more tangible advice, so I'm going to try instead to summarize the energy I try to get with Mark of a Hero, my current ongoing writing project. This is honestly going to be a little funky to word, so bear with me as I try to capture a vibe. This is also mostly about fanfic, but I've applied similar processes to my original works as well. Again, this is what works for me, but I hope it helps.

MoaH is very roughly outlined for the whole series. I know where the books need to go on three different levels: act arc, book arc, and series arc. Some of these are like. Three bullet points long, but it helps give me a trajectory. It helps too that in writing this specific type of fic (Legend of Zelda original legend/AU/there's no fandom name for this yet), I can benchmark the books by dungeons. Each book of MoaH has an introduction arc, at least three "shrine" arcs, a bonus dungeon arc, and a full dungeon arc. Those can be moved around, mostly, into the order they need to be to keep the books a little more varied. That's also a very pulled back way to look at it, but it definitely can help imagine a five act structure that way.

Also, don't worry as much about stories seeming formulaic. If someone knows there's a formula in storytelling, they'll find it. And in telling a story, you're going to see behind the curtains the most. Of course you will see a formula. But if MoaH is an example of anything, it's that playing with that formula can be part of the story itself too. The story sets up very clearly that Link in MoaH is in fact the Hero. But to everyone in the story, they don't know that. And MoaH plays a lot with expectation. Because the reader has expectations from the series, the characters have expectations from living in the world, and there's still the story being told because the premise of the characters being adults at the start of the story already skews expectation (this is why outfits have a huge role narratively as much as mechanically too).

And, if my other major fic, Goddess of Secrecy, taught me anything, it's that as long as the formula is fun (there were 14 dungeons in that one and people stuck through it), who cares? Sometimes a routine can be comfortable. And there's plenty of storytelling out there. You can be the comfort part of it and let other people write the mindblowing formula breaking stuff. (This will also get me into a tangent on accessibility in fantasy but we need more base expectation media too, particularly for adults to get them back into reading.)

But that was a lot more actual writing advice than I thought I'd get so I need to get back to what I said I'd actually talk about and that's vibes. Generally in writing MoaH, I'm trying to capture the energy of Zelda as close to Nintendo as I can. It's the biggest compliments I've gotten that have told me I've managed that in my stories. It's also the hardest to describe, so I'll try to outline the thought process my story beats go through to make sure they reach that vibe:

First, would Nintendo do it? In general, in any of their franchises, would they tell this kind of story? Usually this forces curbing the level of "maturity" of the story (Nintendo has never gone passed rated M), but it means relying on environmental storytelling and implication in exchange. This is the biggest cutoff of them all, but it also means figuring out ways to be more original with the ideas, and usually leads to better stories. To that point, Nintendo has also been a company that has used ever last bit of their tech to make good games, despite limitations. This moderation strives to do the same.

Second, is it fun? If we want to capture the energy of Zelda, even if it's going to include timeline junk, the core of Nintendo's philosophy has always been "make good game first, good story second." Writing an original Zelda novel then needs to have a similar approach. Is the plot focused on the spirit of exploration first and the enjoyment from exploring that world that the games have or on the larger narrative stuff I'm trying to do? How do we balance that better?

Third, how would it play out in a game? This is harder for MoaH because I don't think it could be a game ever. Not because the mechanics aren't there but because of scale (there are 9 countries). Still, in general application, how would the mechanics of MoaH play out. Using RPGs (western and Japanese) as well as TTRPGs like D&D to track power scaling helps a lot with this. The abilities should never be one to one, but as a reference point, this can help. It can also double back into the previous point, would this be a fun section of a game to play? If not, how do I fix that? It's also important on this point to remember how game plots and book plots are differently driven. Game plots can be paced by the player, book plots have to be paced by the author.

Fourth, honestly, can I picture this happening in an anime? Not to be an absolute massive weeb, but genuinely. Having not read Journey to the West (yet), capturing the energy of Zelda storytelling requires looking at Japanese storytelling. And my closest point of entry on that is anime. On what those stories focus on. And the basis of storytelling in Japan, like the Odyssey is in the west, is Journey to the West. From the Sparksnotes version of that I have, that's a higher emphasis on character(s) and interpersonal growth over the journey itself. There are still obstacles (dungeons) that will result in a journey, but the interactions on your three-to-five-man-band are way more central. This is, again, where RPGs can be good reference points. And it's why MoaH always has multiple named characters in the scene as often as it can.

Finally, maybe surprisingly to be last, does it fit Zelda? I mean lorewise generally with this, mostly because, Nintendo does not care about the lore connections between their games. While the timeline is fun to mess with, it should always be secondary to the narrative being built so that the games can be standalone. MoaH can be standalone, even though it has lore connecting it to my other big fic, GoS, and the timeline. The legends have always been loosely strung together. If it can incorporate the lore of another game, fantastic. But it is always the last concern because lore connections have never been the goal between Zelda games. And it's not the goal with MoaH. And to that point, as a narrative element within MoaH, there is reason to believe that in canon, that lore loss is due to time. How stories change over it, how they get recorded, how they get retold, how they become legends over history.

As a last half point to the previous but that paragraph was massive already, is this relying on a Zelda trope as a crutch or does it add to the story? It's very easy to namedrop a character. It's another thing to make them feel like that character in game. I can call my main duo Link and Zelda all I want. Do they feel like them? How are they still original to their plots? I think with MoaH a lot of folks will get thrown off on this one because it starts rivals to lovers. Zelda hates Link (he did also break into a temple and she currently sees him as a criminal). That's kinda antithetical to their whole eternal love story though. So why? Spoilers, mostly. But a huge part of Zelda's personality is following through with how Nintendo characterized her and how I see her growing up as an adult. Personally, I don't know a spirited, politically conscious, highly empathic femme who didn't grow up to be an angry (justified), politically active, still highly empathic adult. Of course she would be mad at Link for a flagrant disregard for the law and disrespect to a holy cultural site for self-imposed vigilantism. There are laws that need to be fixed, but there are systems to fix them (this is also a chaotic good x lawful good relationship).

There is probably a lot more I could break down on MoaH and its structure but it would inevitably give away the entire books and all the major themes. For now, I think that's all I can say (and this is already a lot), but I'll try to circle back on these points after one of the books is all the way out.

I guess, if anything else, read everything. Genres you like, genres you don't, traditional publications, self publications, fanfic, the gambit. If the goal of art studies is to improve your art, then reading is the closest comparison we have for writing. And also, it's ok to be kinda bad at something. That's where we all start. It's ok to be pop fiction, there's a reason it's popular. The more hoops you add to yourself about how original or stylized a story should be or the kind of reputation it's going to have, the more you're going to get in your own head about whether or not you can tell the story. Someone will always find a way to be judgemental. Don't let that someone be you.

[romanarose]

WHAT DO?!?

1. Rule number 14 of the internet. Don’t feed the trolls

I have just caught up on all 85 episodes of the Chris Chan documentary and my biggest take away was DONT!!! FEED!!! TROLLS!!! I struggle with this one. When I get rude asks I always want to respond especially if they say something fucking stupid… The ones I respond to are probably only 1/3 of the shit that I get. A lot of times they just want a rise out of us to not give them that. Sending to people or to certain confession pages even if they are nice just feed those trolls and give them fuel to the fire..

2. Does the person attacked want you to say something?

When I was attacked in April, I absolutely appreciated the people coming to my defense, especially sharing alternate viewpoint, especially in the beginning. However, after a day or two, I just wanted it to stop. Relogging post about a person in arguing just serves to give everything traction and arguing, just means we get to read more mean stuff about ourselves. Consider the author first. I am guilty of this where I want to publicly jump to my friend defenses when they are hurting but I have to consider is this being done for them, or to quell my own feelings.

3. Is the person saying the thing your friend or mutual?

Consider dming them. Especially if it’s a mater if something being factually incorrect. we all have been victims of misinformation at one point in time and I have believed things that were false about others so I appreciate a private correction. If it is a matter of opinion, it may be harder, like debate on if dark fiction is valid. However, keeping it private is best .

4. Consider the size of the issue.

Are dozens and dozens of blogs talking about it? If so, maybe your voice isn’t needed and you could reblog posts or dm support. Maybe you have a viewpoint that is helpful. Is it one small blog with 2 notes saying it? It’s probably best to move on and let it die.

Again, consider the person being victimized.

For me, the outpouring of love and public posts meant the world to me. Especially seeing blogs I followed but weren’t mutuals with or blogs I didn’t know at all come to my defense, but that’s me as a person. And that was just at the start. When I realized the fucking scale of what was happening I just wanted to stop.

I’m learning other people don’t always want support the way we want, kinda like love languages.

So, what can you do?

DO

Dm or send an ask depending how well you know them.

DONT

Be upset they don’t respond. They are likely receiving a lot of messages and although they certainly appreciate kind words, these sorts of things can be very draining and they might not have the mental energy to respond.

DO

Continue to support their works with comments reblogs, fanart or fiction or funny edits. Something not related to drama that shows you love them and publically support them.

DONT

Make the comment or whatever related ti the drama or mention it in anyway the Creator does not want to look back on the nice things overtime and be reminded of the bad things

DONT tell people every little thing being said!

I 💯 appreciated those who notified me something was said and it was BAD bc it’s a blog I never would have seen and it warranted being notified. However, if someone was sending me screenshots of every reblog and comment I’d be upset. Once the person is aware of an issue, unless asked to get info please don’t.

Feel free to add more to this! This is just what I’ve learned from my own experience and from listening to others.

I know this is a very trying time for the fandom if you need to leave or step back 100% support you. This is not fun for you anymore then you gotta do what’s best for yourself



[many-gay-magpies]

Hi it's Quill! ❤️ You said you love to talk about writing, I'd love to hear some of it, so here it is: can you please answer 13, 14, 27, 63 and 64? AND as a bonus (if you want), answer the question you really wanted someone to ask you when you saw the list 😜

hi hi @shadowquill17, thank you sm for asking!! I am glad you would love to hear because I have written. A Lot. thank you for giving me license to yap lmao

13. what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

more and more lately, I've been following the advice of "write the scenes in the order you want to write them, you can connect the dots later"- it just makes for such an easy flow as opposed to trying to write everything in perfect chronological order to get to the scenes you really want to write, because often by the time you GET to those scenes you're worn out by trudging through the writing in-between, or the words have fled from your brain. and oftentimes I end up majorly rewriting those scenes I wrote early on to make them fit with the stuff I wrote after, but like, it's such a relief to just. get the words on the page (or screen, technically). and now im realising that this tip may not exactly be COMMON but it's one I follow a lot kshdfkhsdfkh

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

I mean, I don't know that the writing of emotional scenes is something I really consciously think about? like. any scene that has characters in it is going to have emotions in it. because I am writing people, and people are feeling emotions. pretty much all the time. but I get that this question more means, like, big breakdowns or emotional climaxes or cathartic moments, so- I don't know? I don't know that I feel what the characters feel (although sometimes yeah probably); it's more that I just imagine how THEY would feel and act in the situation, based on how they've acted in the canon material and whatnot. for some things I have drawn on personal experience, like the description of Edwin's touch starvation in to a grave dug for fear is VERY drawn from my own physical feelings in similar situations, especially the "grip around his heart like a scream about to burst" description of the hug at the end. but mostly yeah I just, like, envision the scene in my head as if I was watching it as a scene on TV and then write it. writing emotion and emotional scenes is very well-practiced/comes very naturally to me, so it's not really something I think about anymore skhdfkshdfkh

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

ooooh lemme think. I think most favorite: right when you have a fresh new idea and you're just on a ROLL writing it, everything's coming out so smooth and perfect and you feel so INSPIRED and so happy with how good it is/is gonna be. that's my favorite and then my LEAST favorite is that stage of editing where you've been looking at a piece so long that you start to hate it, and now phrasings and bits of dialogue you started out loving look weird and clunky, and oh lord why has no one ever told you you use this many semicolons??? that's too many semicolons. cool it with the semicolons. and the em dashes as well. coming back with an edit because I remembered another least favorite part (which really pertains more to the ABSENCE of writing): that specific mood where you have an idea that you know would be really really cool to write, you have the plot and character dynamics and arc and everything perfectly envisioned and you know it would be SO SO GOOD... but the actual spark of motivation that makes you want to write the thing just is not there. it's always like UGHHHHH IM SO SORRY I CANT DO YOU JUSTICE, YOU WOULD BE SO GOOD IF I ACTUALLY WANTED TO WRITE YOU TT. but instead it sits there and rots. I despise this

63. Something you hate to see in smut.

I don't know if it's an outright HATE, and I can push through it sometimes if the rest of the smut is more or less enjoyable, but like. I strongly dislike when there is not clear, explicit, enthusiastic consent established throughout the scene- like, if a character just DOES SOMETHING without asking first, or just saying like "can I try something?", and waiting to get their partner's agreement before proceeding. oftentimes I see this happen in fics with a dom/sub dynamic where the just-going-for-it-without-asking is written into the general commanding-ness of the dominant person in the relationship, which is just. eugh, no thanks. I think DBDA fic in particular has diminished my tolerance for lack of explicit verbal consent because so many DBDA smut fics have SUCH prominent and fantastic consent established. also when characters in a d/s dynamic are made to do or say things that are just completely out of character (imo) in the name of pushing that dynamic further

64. Something you love to see in smut.

Conversely, of course, I love seeing explicit and enthusiastic consent in smut, ESPECIALLY when someone asking "can I try something" "can I touch you" "is this okay" "do you want to stop" etc etc is answered with "anything" "do NOT stop" or just straight-up begging. like. such a lovely lovely way of confirming consent while maintaining the mood >> (although consent doesn't BREAK the mood anyway). or like, when a character does something on accident, the other character reacts with a gasp or a loud noise or whatever, and the first character is like "oh no did I hurt you??" and the second character (who was really into it) is like "FUCK NO DO THAT AGAIN" In the interest of giving a different answer tho, some other stuff I love in smut is dynamics where a character that hasn't gotten to let go or be vulnerable in this way really ever is given the space to do that, and even ENCOURAGED to... where someone who thinks they aren't good enough or don't deserve this gets assured irrevocably that they ARE and they DO through sex... cough cough sub Charles fics cough cough-- yeah generally just. some good home-grown life-affirming smut. thumbs up emoji also desperation/lack of composure/greed/intense unrestrained desire/want bordering on hunger is hot. especially characters that have been composed/trying to hold back before just fucking losing it. but I think that's kinda the name of the game with a lot of smut

hope you enjoyed this essay lmao

[hergrandplan]

Hey Nina 💜,

1,4,5, 14 and 17 for the writers ask thingie

Gladly!!

The last sentence you wrote

Simon wishes he could do more for W., help him somehow. Refer him to another publisher, one who would see what he sees. But Simon doesn’t have those kind of connections.

Okay technically these are three sentences but otherwise it wouldn't make sense i hope you don't mind lol

4. A story idea you haven't written yet

Oh, I have many (too many, some would say) but I once had an idea where Party Prince Wille gets into big big trouble one night. He gets way too drunk at a club, and even gets photographed leaving with someone. The next morning, his mother shows him images of him leaving with none other than Simon Eriksson, Sweden's Sweetheart, hand fully on his ass in a definitely-not-friendly way. His mother is done with him ruining the image of the monarchy with all his fooling around. In order to straighten out his image, Wille and Simon have to pretend they're actually dating...

I'm not explaining this well but it's fun and messy I promise

5. First sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

"Plus, what right did they have to be there?"

14. Where do you get your inspiration?

I want to give the poetic answer and say shit like. All around me, the world, people on the train, but that's bullshit.

I get my inspiration from songs, a good 99% of the time (I stan very lyrical artists and that makes it so so easy)

17. Talk about your writing and editing process

Ooooh okay. Love this question!

Once I have an idea, like when that first flash hits me, I start writing immediately. Doesn't matter where I am; at home or at work or, once, literally walking the streets of New York. Cause once I have that idea, I usually at least have one or two fully fleshed out scenes in my head that I have to get out before I lose them.

After that, I usually let the stories marinate and sit and focus on other projects that are in a further stage of development. It's rare that I immediately write a whole story; editorial au really is the exception to anything really.

After that, I just pick up the story whenever I feel like it, but the beginning of writing is very much snippets in my notes, little random thoughts that hit me throughout the day.

When I sit down to write, depending on how fueled I am, I either write like 5k words in one go or 5. I try not to be too hard to myself during the writing stage; it doens't need to be good then (it really doesn't need to be good ever, but hey) it just needs to be Something. Words on a page. Any thoughts I have about the scene. Any time I get stuck, I write in a bracket what I want to do and move on. If I think about what I'm stuck on for too long I get stuck in writing and lose all motivation. It happens once or twice that I also don't have any ideas on what's supposed to happen after the scene I'm stuck on, but yeah, usually brackets.

I also talk to myself in the comments. If I'm hit with an idea about something I wrote earlier, the most I'll do is put a comment there about that idea, and go back to where I left off.

Sometimes I'll ask friends on opinions; discuss scenes or whether something a character does is actually in character. Talking really helps in working through hurdles, more so than I initially thought it would.

Often times when writing I think of my writing as too flat, but that's okay, because: editing is where I shine.

Now, given my profession this shouldn't have surprised me but I mean it that my best work is done in editing. That's where I get the sentences to flow, the pacing to work. I'll rewrite whole sections, and maybe it can seem like a waste of time, but those rewritings wouldn't be as good if there wasn't something that came before them. I take my time editing, making sure everything works, and then I send it off to my beta reader who reads it, works out those final kinks with me and then it's off to ao3!

(this all means it does take me ages to publish a story so thank you to everyone who's so patient with me lol)

Send me fic writer asks!

[dadfuckerfest]

Look what we found in Dad’s journal!

Weird.

Anyway, the Man writes like Yoda, but here is what we figured out:

1. What the fuck is a “Dadfucker Fest”?

It’s a weekend dedicated to the “fucking” part of Dadfucking.

2. How can someone contribute to this most wonderful and noble cause?

Give us porn! Remember, Dad wasn’t exactly a monk, and Dean gave him everything he’s ever had. All you have to do is write (or draw or edit) some dadsex and mention @dadfuckerfest and/or tag #dadfuckerfest (mentions are preferred, for consistency and notifications). We’ll reblog it to this page to share with your fellow dadfuckers and to save for posterity!

3. Wait, is it just John/Dean? What about [other canon/original character]?

Characters and ships other than John/Dean are most welcome! However, your work still has to be about J/D to some degree. This means threesomes, gangbangs, third-party POVs, role-play, J/D by-proxy, unrequited fantasies are a-okay. You can find some examples here. If you’re still unsure if something is allowed, feel free to ask for clarification. (Though to be honest, we’re not very picky over here.)

4.When is this dadsex going down?

When is it not going down?! Feel free to start working on your daddycestuous fic/art and sharing it as soon as you like. However, works will be reblogged to this blog on Friday, July 28th through Sunday, July 30th.

5. What’s with the day-by-day break-down?

Think of the day-by-day break-down as our reblog calendar, to help us categorize your works. Or if you like, think of them as very optional, not-at-all-serious “themes.” They are as follows: * Friday July 28th: (Pre-)Canon — i.e. the m/m J/D of our main timeline. * Saturday July 29th: Alternate Universe/Curses/Other Weird Shit— incl. genderswaps, John survives AUs, no-supernatural AUs, fuck-or-die, possession, Huntercorp, time-travel, monsterfucking, omega!verse, prequel AU, whatever your sicko heart desires! * Sunday July 30th: Kink — what it says on the tin: give us some kinky shit. As you can tell, the line between canon and AU is very blurry, and J/D can be kinky in any world. So don’t worry too much about sticking to themes – chances are, your work will fit in at least one of these days.

6. What about prompts?

Flip over to pg. 10 for instruction, and pg.11 for the list.

7. I don’t like any of the prompts and I want to freeball and/or rawdog it.

We see what you did there! Submissions need not be in response to a prompt. This is your chance to finish (or start!) some wips, to distill a story idea to its sexy essence without worrying about plot or worldbuilding, to turn a DFF ask into a little scene, etc. etc. Once again, as long as it’s J/D and porny we will take it!

More lore under the cut!

8. What is the desired porn-to-plot ratio?

As long as there is (a little, a hint of) fucking, we’ll take it! If you feel like you need plot to make your story work better/more enjoyable for *you*, please inject as much as you’d like.

9. How long should a fic submission be?

As long as tickles your pickle! You probably won’t get a lot of fucking done under 500 words, but feel free to prove us wrong.

10. I want you to reblog my stuff but this event name is very cringe and I don’t want to mention it.

A. Fuck you! B. You can notify us in other ways of your desire to share your filthy disgusting porn (e.g. dms, mention us in a reply, carrier pigeon, etc.)

11. John/Dean is so very sexy, but I’m shy and I don’t want to post on main. (This is NOT Jensen Ackles, by the way.)

They are the sexiest! You can post your work anonymously on ao3 and send us a link. You can also create a new tumblr account using a new email address and use that to share your wonderful daddycestuous creations. (If need be, we can also discuss email submissions).

12. Can my fic/art be used for another event?

Sure! As long as it hasn’t been published before.

13. Is non-con allowed?

Yes, but please give some heads-up in the tags or in the beginning of the fic.

14. Is under-age allowed?

See above.

15. I really want to participate but the timing doesn’t work for me.

No worries! a) Remember, you have two weeks from today to post whatever your heart desires. b) The point of this event is that it’s low stakes and there isn’t a lot of prep work required, which means theoretically we can have more than one round! If enough people want to participate again, we can definitely have a repeat later this summer/in the fall, etc. (Also, we always take late submissions!)

16. Who is the fucker behind the curtain?

Hi, it’s @egipci! Please feel free to send me any questions here or on my main blog!

17. We haven’t talked before/we don’t follow each other/I don’t like you. Can I still participate?

(Un)lucky for you, I love J/D about 1000x more than you don’t like me. As long as I can reblog your work to this blog, I will!

18. Your graphics suck! Our eyes are bleeding! Are you making this shit on a toaster?

Actually, I’m making it on an DIY busted-up Walkman-cum-toaster. If you got some better nerd instruments and you want to put them to good use, hit me up!

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

smirks hehehee

If I counted correctly, that is 98 roses! Holy jalapeños!

Okay. Y’know what. This is what I think I’ll do.

I probably have at least 100 WIPs, so I’ll see if I can find a line from each of them to share :D I’ve lost inspiration for most of them aksgaksgajsg but still!!

Edit: I gave up XD You get 42 snippets lol

~~~

1

Wilbur blinks, lifting his head—away from the bottom of the bridge, that's good, that's what Tommy wanted—to blink at his brother. "Hey."

~~~

2

Wilbur scowls. He wishes that he hadn't cried. Now all the doctors and nurses remember him as the crying kid. So embarrassing.

~~~

3

Crawling close to his brother, Wilbur gently places his hands on the baby's side, rolling Tommy over until he's flat on his back. Tommy squints up at him, arms sprawled out so he looks like a capital T. Wilbur stifles back a giggle.

~~~

4

Wilbur smiles really, really big. "Now we're a family."

~~~

5

Wilbur watches him evenly. "I just want you to know that I'll like you forever. Even when you stop being a baby and everything. Even when you get big. I'll always be bigger than you, so that means... that means my love will get bigger, too!"

~~~

6

Mum doesn't seem to hear him. She always has trouble hearing him when she has the bottles.

~~~

7

The train continues to barrel towards him, and Wilbur doesn't blink.

~~~

8

"Hm?" Tommy looks up, staring at Tubbo for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, yeah, of course. Obviously. They don't call me Tommy 'The Listener' for nothing."

"No one calls you that."

"They do! They talk about me in the streets, Tubbo!"

"The streets?"

"Yeah." Tommy flicks his spoon with a finger, watching it slide around the bowl. A few drops splatter onto the table. "You're just not listening hard enough."

"Alright then; what was I talking about just now?"

"Uhh... a game- mods! You mentioned mods!"

Tubbo nods slowly. "Alright. I stand corrected."

"Get corrected, idiot." Tommy smirks.

~~~

9

Softly said by an old friend as they sat together on the front porch, chatting amiably as crows flew overhead.

~~~

10

He'd give anything to hear that laugh, even just once more.

~~~

11

Phil doesn't swoop in to save him.

~~~

12

Ghostbur stares at the notebook in front of him, feeling his heart begin to quicken. It's empty. Pages and pages of blank paper. Senseless, meaningless.

Is that how my brain looks inside? Miles and miles of nothingness?

~~~

13

The last word comes out in a sob, and then Tommy's arms are wrapped around him, and Tubbo's face is buried into Tommy's chest, and they're both holding on for dear life.

~~~

14

Storm. Wilbur feels his heart skip a beat. His first storm in thirteen years.

~~~

15

But in the off-chance you don't throw this letter in the bin, hello! I thought I should update you on what's been going on recently, so you don't freak out (because we all know that you tend to freak out from time to time. You're quite clingy).

~~~

16

Wilbur squeals, excitedly kicking out with his legs. Phil grins down at him, making sure his grip is secure. It's not hard to hang onto a five year old, but he doesn't want to risk dropping him.

~~~

17

Wilbur slides his jacket off his shoulder, exposing his dirt streaked bandage, already soaked with blood. Tommy doesn't hesitate.

~~~

18

"Hello, Phil." A soft voice rang out, cutting through the lazy chatter of bugs and the gentle swishing of leaves. It was a voice Phil knew by heart, one that he could pinpoint in the middle of a raging battle, the fiercest storm, at the end of the world, even.

~~~

19

“Not, um, nothing! Nothing, Wilbur, really! Come to think of it, do I hear Eret? Oh yes, I almost forgot; I need to go see him, so bye-"

~~~

20

The first time Tommy says it, Wilbur is picking berries.

~~~

21

The silence is uncomfortable. Wilbur’s skin crawls, and the air seems to crackle with tension.

At least for him. The ghost seems perfectly happy, walking strangely in order to stomp on fallen leaves. He bends down at multiple points, admiring a caterpillar or picking up a rock.

Wilbur doesn’t stop to wait for him, but Ghostbur doesn’t seem to mind. It’s annoyingly infuriating.

~~~

22

And then Quackity had stopped by, smirking behind the glass walls. Wilbur had glared at him, failing to notice the smoking grill in the kitchen. Quackity noticed though, and his already large grin grew even wider, especially when Wilbur began smelling smoke and had cursed loudly, racing into the back room.

When he'd returned to the counter, he'd found a lovely message spray-painted onto the glass walls:

Your burgers suck.

~~~

23

There's a man that plays music on the surface.

~~~

24

"Phil." Techno clapped his hands together, speaking in the same tone that a parent would use as they're trying to explain something to a child. "These people know who we are. They know who we are, and they want to get rid of us."

"'Get rid of' is a pretty strong choice of-"

"The posters literally say 'wanted dead or alive', Philza!"

~~~

25

He'll then grab a baked potato and a cup of water, gazing at himself in the reflection and swirling it around, distorting his features. He has bags under his eyes now. Streaks of dirt across his cheeks. A crack in his lip.

~~~

26

"Wha- but I am a grown, I'm a big man, I'm the biggest man there ever was!" Tommy stutters, puffing out his chest. "See? I'm asserting dominance!"

~~~

27

The shower handle rests towards the ceiling, the long, attached cord snaking down and burrowing itself into the wall. It's intimidating. He remembers being scared of shower handles as a kid; he thought they looked like water monsters.

~~~

28

Phil has fallen into a routine. Or perhaps fallen is the wrong word for it; it's more like settling. The routine has always been there, it's just taken him a while to discover it.

That's poetic as crap. Isn't it.

~~~

29

Wil smiles a bit wider. The skin around his eyes crinkles, just like his father's. "Yes. But now- now we can do it, right? And it's not even illegal!"

~~~

30

"I mean that it won't pacify them. Chat's crazy, Wilbur. They don't listen to anything I have to say. They just say E."

Phil laughs louder, and a little bit of tea spills out the side of his mug.

ANGRYBLADE

NOOOOOOO

E

BAD TECHNO

That Wilbur dude is funny he should do lore

PHIL IS LUAGHING HE'S GONNA CHOKE AND DIE HELP

E

BOREDDDDD

E

E

silly little wilblur he will undertsadn soon

E

~~~

31

"I mean," Tubbo tilts his head, squinting into the sunset. "Tommy... he's a little startling, I admit. And loud."

"Very loud."

"And definitely a bit much, at times. I agree that he can be a little intimidating. But trust me, he wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Oh. That's- that's reassuring."

"I mean, he'd definitely hurt Dream."

"O- oh."

"And Sapnap. And Bad. And a couple other people, now that I think about it."

"Oh."

"He'd break their knees."

Ranboo pulls his legs to his chest, wrapping his tail around them. "Oh."

~~~

32

"Alright." Tubbo shifts, clapping his hands together. Ranboo jumps. "Alright Michael. We'll tell you, uh... we'll tell you a story."

"We will?"

Tubbo forces himself to take a deep breath, turning to Ranboo with wide eyes. "Yes, Ranboo. We will. It will make him happy, won't it?"

"Uh..." Ranboo's eyes lighten with realization. "Oh, yeah. Defin- yeah, totally. Looks like we're, uh, doing a story. Story-time. Time for a story. Yep."

~~~

33

Wil claps his hands together, making her jump. "Then that's what we'll do! Teach me to cook, Niki Nihachu!"

"Well to start, we are baking, not cooking."

"Oh." Wilbur tilts his head. "I thought they were the same thing?"

"Um... no."

"Oh." Wilbur furrows his brow, as if struggling to comprehend this.

~~~

34

Wilbur's eyes flutter open, and he turns his head to the side as Sally climbs into the van. She's holding a bag of onion rings, along with a can of soda. "I got your snacks."

~~~

35

"Phil, please, just-!" Wilbur turns, slamming his fist onto the table and making himself jump with the loudness of it. "I don't- I don't really need... I don't-"

~~~

36

Wilbur shuts his eyes tight. "I don't want to be broken. I really don't want to be broken, but I am, and I don't... want to, Phil."

~~~

37

Phil sits at the dining room table, sipping tea that Techno had made earlier. It's hot, but Phil doesn't mind. He's content to blow the steam from the top, putting a little into his mouth before swallowing and setting down the mug. His favorite mug too, the one he'd bought from a far-away village in a far-away land in a far-away time. Or perhaps he'd stolen it.

~~~

38

Wilbur is all curled up like a wood louse.

~~~

39

Tubbo tries to get his shower. He really does! But he doesn't quite know how to work it; it's set up differently, and the water goes from boiling hot to ice cold with the slightest adjustment. He also can't figure out how to change it from pouring out of the faucet to spraying out of the shower head, and after several minutes of trying, he resorts to taking a bath instead.

~~~

40

"I know, Tommy. I'm getting a plaster for you, okay? That'll make it better."

~~~

41

"I am yours," Wilbur says, never once taking his eyes off her.

~~~

42

He likes chamomile, though. It's a good tea. It makes him feel sort of like a marshmallow is burning inside him, or like a tiny little campfire; like the big fireplace Techno has, but smaller. A small fire.