#this turned into a lot of rambling lmao okay
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whumpy-wyrms · 2 days ago
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cannot stop thinking about how whumpy it must’ve been when i was given the anesthesia and passed out earlier. like even before the laughing gas i was SHAKING and TREMBLING in fear i fucking HATE needles. but i was also smiling the whole time because my fear response isn’t fight flight fawn or freeze it’s just. to laugh. for some reason. anyway after i got the laughing gas i was smiling and giggling even more and also shaking a lot more in both fear of what was gonna happen and also probably the laughing gas. they told me to take deep breaths which i did, still freaking out though. i started panicking even more when they put the IV in my arm, like wow that was horrifying i must’ve looked sooooo scared wooow.. so much fear.. (whumpers you know where to find me). anyway i eventually followed their advice and took deep breaths, knowing that it would make the laughing gas effect me quicker, but i did it anyway because its all i could do.
(more under the cut because i couldn’t shut up and this got long)
and guys. guys. THEN. then i started thinking about Anton and imagining i was his test subject and he was just doing an experiment on me and let me tell you. the way pure CALMNESS just WASHED over my entire body. like before i walked into the room i was like “anton save mee save me anton haha lol”. and then anton DID save me. in a way. but yeah i mean i KNEW that would happen because thinking about anton literally always calms me down anyway but i just thought that was funny lmao. woow
okay so then they injected me with the anesthesia. i don’t think i really felt it. then they put a rubber thing in my mouth to keep it wide open, and i was just thinking “haha wow they gagged me that’s gotta be one of my favorite whump tropes.” i just stared straight ahead (i couldn’t really turn my head anyway with the way the chair was set up), struggling hard to keep my eyes open, breathing really deeply, barely able to form a coherent thought.
i do NOT remember falling asleep. like one moment i was sitting there eyes wide and breathing heavily, staring at the doctors on either side of me, and the next i was like all woozy flopping around in the chair, head lolling to the side as the doctors were telling me to wake up. it was sort of a blur, i had NO idea what was going on at ALL. i remember slurring as i talked, telling the doctors i wanted to keep my wisdom teeth. they laughed and asked why and i just kept repeating that i wanted them to let me keep them (they did let me keep them! i’m gonna put them in a little jar like a mad scientist). then i kept asking for my phone and they gave it to me. they put me in a wheelchair to take me to the car because i could NOT walk, i was stumbling around, completely unable to stand or sit up straight, and when we got to the car i just flopped into the passenger seat like i was DIZZY. and i was also a bit nauseous. blood in my mouth and all that. oh i also had gauze in my mouth which definitely made talking a lot more difficult
so i really barely talked, i don’t think i said much else which i’m kinda happy for because i was high as FUCK and did not wanna ramble about a bunch of weird oc lore to my mom. i KNOW i would’ve talked about anton and/or silas nonstop. but i just went on my phone instead which is when i made all those posts from earlier LOL. those typos were genuinely not on purpose at all. i could not type. i’m being fully serious.
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here’s a screenshot from my discord server of me attempting to type “holy shit i can’t type.” and as you can see, it was, well, TRUE
anyway yeah i just curled up in my seat on the car ride home, i wasn’t on my phone much because i was still really tired and it was hard to keep my eyes open and stay awake. the car seat was leaned back really far so i was laying down and could not see out of the car windows (but my eyes were closed so it didn’t really matter). but i just remember feeling every turn of the car and trying to guess where we were driving as if i was a whumpee who’d just been kidnapped and was trying to memorize the directions. as you can tell i knew this situation would be whumpy as fuck and didn’t hesitate to make a bunch of silly connections.
so then we got home and there’s not much else that happened. i just took a lot of pills and washed out my mouth and put more gauze in and then went to sleep. it didn’t hurt that much at all because of. the drugs and stuff. i slept for a long time and woke up feeling back to normal, in the way i wasn’t high af anymore. yeah so now my mouth kinda hurts but i have painkillers so it’s fine. i ate lasagna like 20 minutes ago. i’m probably not supposed to eat lasagna. i did it anyway (i took very very teeny tiny nibbles it was very basil core).
anyway that’s it i think! dunno why i wanted to share this whole experience but i thought it was kinda funny the way i kept finding whump in everything hahaha (like i said, my actual fear response is literally to LAUGH and GIGGLE at everything in fear. this needs to be used more in this community imo. and i think… i have a new oc for that actually…. teehee….. ominous.. very ominous dot dot dots…..)
but really this isn’t as bad as i thought it’d be. it’s gonna suck to eat a bunch of soft food and stuff but overall it’s not bad. at least for me. obviously this was only my experience and everyone’s will be different. i do kinda see the humor in everything whenever i’m in a bad or painful situation so that might also be why this is easier for me, idk! hope u all found this at least a little entertaining because i know i did haha
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suckishima · 10 months ago
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okay this is so small but makes me really happy. taketora just got done talking about how much he admires tanaka and how cool and "manly" he is, which like makes sense right, both tanaka and taketora are always being shown as these like loud "boy's boys" archetypes who do everything with power, talk about girls, and emphasize "guts" and "manliness," so obviously taketora would respect tanaka
but then he immediately turns to also think about how much he admires fukunaga in the same way—fukunaga who doesn't display any of those same qualities that taketora was just admiring about tanaka. fukunaga is quiet, fairly low-key and doesn't flaunt anything ever. dude just goes around making weird puns that 1 people often barely even hear and 2 apparently seem to baffle everyone. but taketora sees all of that and sees how fukunaga still shows up and gets the job done more than successfully—he's one of the top point getters on the team—and taketora respects him for all of that, still calls him a "man's man" and tbh more than respects him, he admires him and sees him as a rival
and idk that just makes me happy, like 1 it's a nice small way of furudate saying that yeah "manly" is a thing that's important to taketora but it doesn't just mean one stereotypical thing—like it's showing that taketora isn't as one dimensional as we would have thought and that he sees things from multiple perspectives (we also saw this from him back during the whole "guts" thing with kenma and how he respects him too)—and it's also an example of seeing fukunaga from another perspective too. it's because he's so low-key that even we as readers have probably barely noticed how much of a rock he is for the team, but if you got back through their matches you can see how often he does score—he's quiet but he's always there. and i just like that furudate takes a moment to not only acknowledge fukunaga but to do it from taketora's pov in order to really hit it home to us how true it must be
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livethrushit · 2 months ago
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that last scene in the qaf finale was painful. we get a voiceover of michael talking about how some things should never change and the show decided that very much included brian. we then get him dancing in babylon to beat us over the head with the idea that nothing has changed at its core. but everything has in that moment. everything had changed for seasons. with everyone dancing "the way it should be" brian was the only one who didn't fit in that scene, yet there he was smack in the middle of it all
this wasn't growth, it wasn't poetic, it was a poorly written ending
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james-spooky · 1 month ago
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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reineyday · 2 years ago
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alex is so real for not realizing he was bi despite the amount of times he was clearly checking out and appreciating other men. it really do be like that.
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buttercup-barf · 6 months ago
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Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
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Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
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That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
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The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.
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Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.
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Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
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engagemythrusters · 1 year ago
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Here's some angst, because sometimes bodies just feel like a mess. plus a bad background xoxo
#NOTES ARE IN THE TAGS LOOK DOWN HERE I was too lazy to put them on the post#cause then I’d have to be coherent and why do that when I could just ramble wordvomit about it instead#ANYWAY... healing isnt linear!#especially since like. lmao he's not done being surgeried xoxo#turns out if a lot of your body is made up of tech. taking said tech out. may shut it down a bit...#anyway so yea that's whats happening.#waking up in the night bc his body is on fire bc sure yeah its healing but theres still screws and bolts in places that hurt.#and he didnt feel so bad before they pulled everything out because things held themselves in place...#but now everything is loose and things need to be replaced ASAP and thats just possible because the body needs time between#exerimental surgeries (who the hell has reversed this bad of techno union augmentation before?)#and...#and sometimes. sometimes fives lives in a world where it feels like he could lose echo again at any moment. and he's so scared#he almost lost everyone and everything and now... he has echo.#he has kix and jesse and tup and dogma... and he has echo.#YEAH okay#And. to make things clear: echo's skin tone IS based off photos of temuera morrison#when he had probably not seen much sun in a while.#AND the white patches are chemical-induced vitiligo (skin pigment cells died)#*BUT*#that being said. i clearly have room to grow in my art and if it's wrong to have portrayed him this way#please let me know.#thanks <3#saleucami au#arc trooper echo#arc trooper fives#star wars: the clone wars#star wars#my art#mimse art
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malachitezmeyka · 2 months ago
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I love my auntie dearly, I really do, but good god is being around her nowadays pretty much akin to being in Alien...
And I feel so mean for saying that because I know she loves her kids and wants to have them, and it's rude in general, but watching her constantly groaning in discomfort and complaining and almost doubling over when one of them kicks, which happens at least once every five minutes... it's fucking body horror to me. The actual outline of a foot showing through her skin has burned itself into my memory and I wish I could forget it
In my defense she's very clearly reaching the end of her rope as well, always swearing and cursing out both her husband and herself for getting into this, repeating "10 more weeks" over and over again like a mantra, and just generally looking extremely exhausted, especially since she's got a hyperactive six year old on her hands too
And to think that this is technically the easy part, they're not even born yet... may whatever higher power there is give her strength, that's all I can really say
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the real struggle when befriending a whole bunch of trans folks and being trans yourself is "who is he out to", "is he out as a guy but not as this name", "guys PLEASE i'm out to my parents but i am NOT ready to tell them i have a second name yet HEY SHUT UP", "oh fuck oh fuck this person referred to them as their chosen name but this one right besides used the agab pronouns and name GUESS I JUST WON'T REFER TO THEM AT ALL IN THIRD PERSON"
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v-tired-queer · 9 months ago
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Hi!! I'm a Christian, and while I've encountered people who combine witchcraft with their Christian faith, I've never understood it. I saw in your pinned post that this is something you do. If you're willing/interested/have the energy, would you be willing to share more about that? Or point me in the direction of some more information on it?
I know really little about this, and I really want to understand more. I'm not coming here to be critical, just super curious. :D Hope you're well!
Hello there! 😃👋 I hope that you're doing well, too, and sure, I'd love to share a little more about combining witchcraft with my Christian faith!
I think, for starters, that it's important to remember that, like for everything else in life, how I've experienced this might not be how another Christian witch experiences it, views it, or even came about it. But I think that as Christians we can also understand that fairly easily, as that's just how a lot of us experience Christianity in and of itself. How one person came to Christ won't always be the same way that another person has come to Christ, and how we worship won't always look the same, either. It's just like that for Christian witches, too.
In an attempt to make a very long story short (spoiler alert: I failed), I feel like I am very lucky and blessed to have grown up with a Methodist mom, Southern Baptist father, aunts who were Catholic, cousins who became atheist and agnostic and friends at school who were Muslim and Jewish. I was surrounded by all sorts of different paths to take, and my mom had always encouraged my brother and I to choose our faiths for ourselves when we were old enough to understand what having faith really means, which is why we weren't baptized when we were babies, but raised in church nonetheless. I grew up very faithful. Sunday School was my favorite part of the week, and I loved to learn more about God and Jesus and say my prayers at meals and at night. God always made me feel loved. Still does ��
When I was in middle school, I was very, very traditional. I was open minded to others, but I was always hesitant to let myself explore more things for myself. I think I was afraid that exploring meant that I was a bad Christian, that I was questioning God, and I didn't want to make Him angry or upset with me. But I eventually met a friend who was a Wiccan, worshiping a god and goddess, living by the cycles of the moon and seasons, doing spells and rituals and worshiping at home or in nature. I loved things like that growing up, but always thought that it was just something from Hollywood or the mideavel period at best. I didn't think people actually did it, though I had always wished that they did. Little middle schooler me thought that maybe this was God's way of giving me permission to explore more, so I asked questions, watched spells and rituals, learned correspondences, and eventually asked, "Is there a Christian faith that's like this, too?"
Turns out there wasn't really one specific faith in Christianity that I could find, but rather, a practice instead. Google led me down so many different paths of people who were both Christians and witches and I decided I wanted to give it a try, too. And honestly? It felt like my faith was renewed. I felt like by choosing how I specifically worship and "do Christianity", I was making a relationship with God and Jesus and even the Holy Spirit that was closer than ever before because I was letting myself actually feel my faith instead of just going through motions at church, which was a rut than even middle school me was stuck in. I wasn't just doing what I thought I had to, I was doing what I wanted to do to show God my love and faith, and it really empowered me to form my own path in life, one that was and still is Christ centered, even if not in a way that tends to be expected for Christians.
So, the witchcraft itself: personally, I don't know if I view my spells an rituals the same way that other witches do. I don't really do a spell and think of it as me bending the wills that be to my desire, but rather, I view it as a really intense prayer. I see it as me using visual representations of my goals, needs and wants as a way to show God what it is I feel like I need (or just really, really want lol), but I always still leave it up to Him and His plans at the end of the day. I can do a thousand spells for the same thing over and over again, but if God says no, than the answer is no, ya know? My rituals are just ways to show my love, devotion, and gratitude. I pay special attention to seasons because the world God made is beautiful in all of its many ways, and personally, when I take the time to rest in the winter or come alive in the summer, I feel like I'm using the natural patterns of the Earth to further build my relationship with God, and Jesus, too. I feel like God made so many things in a natural rhythm and pattern--I just try to live by those things to strengthen the relationship between us.
I'm sure you can tell by how many times I've said it, but at the end of the day, it's all about my relationship with God and our Savior, just like for other Christians. I'm just doing things a bit differently. I'm 1000% that there are people who don't believe that this is a "valid" thing to do or that I'm sinning or that I'm going to Hell for all of this, but their opinions don't matter to me. My relationship with the Lord, His Son, and His Spirit matters to me, and when I do the things that make me feel the closest to Him, that make me feel His love and grace, then I feel like I'm doing fine.
Allllllll of that being said, there's lot of different ways that other Christian witches worship or practice witchcraft, which I think is really cool! There are some that have Mother Mary as a huge focus in their worship, or the Saints, or even the Disciples! I especially like witchcraft that involves the angels (Gabriel, my beloved 🤍). Personally, I steer clear of anything that involves demons or dark spirits and the like, but I'm always on the lookout for signs that angels are near or that the Lord is with me (which He always is, like he's always with you).
Unfortunately, I can't think of any sources or materials off the top of my head that would be good for further research. But maybe there are some other blogs on here that would have some good starting points, or would share their own views, too! You could search by denomination and then put witch after, like "Catholic witch" or Methodist witch", things like that. There are some books about Christian witchcraft, too, but personally I haven't read any of them. I think there might be come Christian witches on YouTube, too.
I hope this post made sense! If you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to ask! 😊
God bless! 🕊
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smol-bean-of-the-smols · 10 months ago
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AHA IVE FINALLY GOTTEN THAT NEBULAS DRAWING WORKED ON
hes "out-of-character" because its a second version of a drawing of my self-insert because im lazy but it was also on purpose BUT it means that the way they're standing only really works for my s/i, nebulas wouldnt fucking stand like that
its not completely finished, i need to figure a few more things out but once im done!! i'll post them!!
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mieczyhale · 11 months ago
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one of the guys that runs a reaction channel i've been watching for ages just announced that they're ending the channel next year bc he got a job offer and he's getting married and he's thinking about his family and his future and like...
my son in christ you are 21
i literally want to fucking die
#dont get me wrong! good for him! i'm happy for him#but he really said he started the channel when he was younger (turns out that was 18) and it felt like time to move on#i am 31 and only got the job i love a year and a half ago#i have been dating and living with the same person for... 10 years in 11 days and all i've ever wanted is to get married#(and be a mom but i dont think im ever getting that one but im gonna go ahead and focus on that one zero percent or i'll cry)#i say. like all of this doesnt make me want to cry lmao#i am so incredibly blessed to have what i have. like truly i ended up with the perfect sort of life for my awkward mentally ill ass#but i cannot NOT spiral just a little when people younger than me have the things i want so so bad and then also talk as if their young age#is older than it is. i know you feel mature and older but you are still so fucking young. and okay honestly - now that im rambling - thats#just part of it huh?? i mean a lot of the spiral is actually Wow. I really lost so much of my life (so much time. so many opportunities) to#mental illness and other shit i couldn't control and there are people who didn't fucking have that. there are people who didn't have to#deal with any of that!!! honestly!!! and you just.. dont do anything to prepare for the future when you do not expect there to be one for#so long and then you can't stop fucking everything up and then oh look! you're in your 30s and-#god i cannot fucking do this#it is 1:35 in the morning and im tired but now i feel really stubborn about going to bed. i should. i want to. but also i dont.#actually going to bed is where The Horrors are so#this really was the dumbest fucking shit i think im gonna go to bed & play p.m on my phone and try to be a little less pathetic#maison speaks
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phagodyke · 5 months ago
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woke up feeling ruffff but took my meds and went back to bed for a while n I feel a bit better
#only slept 4 hrs yesterday so was rly hoping to get a solid nights sleep today bc i probably won't tonight....#but i didnt sigh. but my options are either to plough thru w today and make myself do this even tho i dont rly feel like it#or cancel plans and stay in and mope which will inevitably turn into self harm so rly the latter is a non option lmao#its all okay ill get into the swing of things n have a good time once im thereee#and i always knew i was gonna feel a bit like this like its an open wound for me i just need to be careful not to touch it#bc how i feel isnt based in reality its just insecurity n vulnerability n ik it can take months to fully recover from a previous episode#and part of the recovery process needs to involve facing potentially triggering situations instead of avoiding them#bc otherwise ill get increasingly worse bc its not possible to always avoid and ill be defenceless again when it does happen again etc#like its part of rebuilding my sense of self n confidence n hopefully i can eventually start to trust other ppl again n lower my guard#bc it sucks being contorted into this defensive pose all the time and i would like to allow myself to feel genuine connection w others !!#and to stop instinctively flinching and waiting for the hit im tired of my mind telling me ppl r lying + trying to hurt me when theyre not#im being a bit dramatic like i am doing a LOT better than i was a few weeks ago. n i def can handle this one#and the risk of triggering myself is much much lower anyway in this specific situation. so long as theyre not hiding shit from me again#i can think of several ways that risk could skyrocket n unexpectedly spiral out of my control n it makes it hard to breathe just imagining#but i need to believe that it wont. so if-no WHEN it doesnt then next time ill have proof that i can navigate it n i wont feel so anxious#it makes me laugh how stupid this is from an outside perspective. my brain causes me so much weird n 100% unnecessary distress#but its the only brain ive got n will always have so i need to work with it!!#anyway all that aside i genuinely am rly looking forward to this afternoon!! ive rly wanted to start doing more nice things for myself#n the fact it coincides w missing smth that could incite my rsd is kind of for the best even if it is making me anxious#i cant let my life revolve around anticipating how ppl might upset me n basing my decisions off minimising that damage#n while it would be nice to have company.. well ik its just as fun going alone bc ive done it before! n i need a reminder of that#ah im gonna turn myself in circles if i think much more. i dont need to justify anything#i hope they have a nice time and i hope i have a nice time and i hope that eventually someday we can have a nice time together instead#of separately. and i hope that someday ill feel included and wanted by other ppl and wont be posting on tumblr every time this happens LOL#this comes across like im saying i need to learn how to enjoy my own company or whatever but i prommy i already do..#what i actually need to learn is how to trust n enjoy the company of ppl i care abt without constantly being scared theyll hurt me....#but thats not happening today cuz i got other plans woooo OKAYY im gonna stop ruminating and get some chores done sjdkfh#.vent#<- well not rly a vent bc its not like im channelling feelings here im just rambling bc i have a lot on my mind. but still#this is prolly incoherent i keep putting my phone down and doing other things and then adding another thought LOL
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macabre-discotheque · 9 months ago
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every now and then i will have a thought about the 70s and then spontaneously combust into a thousand fla[gets dragged away by security]
#chicano was originally a slur towards mexican americans but was reclaimed during the 60s-70s during the california strikes#back then students were also mostly just taught about white history (or black if they were lucky) but never their own#so protests and calls to learn their own history was made which also resulted in heavy pride within themselves#you'll also see a lot of indigenous pride when it comes to the chicano movement back in the day#especially if you look at the murals which have a lot of inspiration derived from mexican catholicism and indigenous imagery#(which is a little ironic to me considering mexico doesn't exactly treat their indigenous population well but i digress 🫠🫠)#then we also have chicano park which is also one of the biggest icons of chicano history#it was built back in the 60s but split up a neighorhood-- the government promised to build a park to compensate but eventually the folks li#-ing there found out they were going to turn it into a patrol station instead and protested in 1970#eventually chicano park was built and after it opened a shit ton of murals came up because at the time there was the chicano mural movement#and a muralist proposed letting others paint on the walls since a lot of the structures built happened to be pretty good canvases#this is all kinda basic history and you could easily look most of this up lmao#i just like rambling#anyways thats my time folks security is eyeing me like they're about to ban me okay b[Electric Taser SFX]#pyro screams to the abyss
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hannnsh · 1 month ago
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*insert very deep line here*
very long ramblings ⤵️
okay so first off, i have no idea what this is about but this was intentionally gonna be for an ask (sorry anon) but it didnt really turn out how i wanted so i will be doing another drawing for said anon’s request 🥲
secondly, i have no idea how to do lighting so this was me experimenting ig idk if it is good or not LMAO 😭 thirdly, idk what i was doing w the blood .. very weird but i did tgat at like 3 am so idk what my brain thought but it stayed i guess lol ..
and lastly, to explain the drawing it’s joel, holding a feather that represents jimmy bc yknow he died and joel wanted to sacrifice himself and stuff but couldn’t and so he has the guilt and sadness idk, emotions, but yeah thats basically it, joel mourning that is all that is the drawing
oh yea another thing is, i finished my exams finally wooo who cheered ??!! but after this i will focus more on studies bc i flopped the test a bit ngl and i need that academic validation so ya girl’s gotta grind harder 💪💪 but im sure i’ll still draw a lot still bc i need to draw to live /hj but yea im sorry for ramblinf on this post, i feel like i havent been active in a while and i felt the need to update yall (no one asked���)
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clean version idk
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marvelstan0905 · 5 months ago
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"What do you mean a real baby?!"
Kenji Sato X [afab]reader [Oneshot]
TW : spouse reader/petnames/implied sex/pregnancy/Emi mention/panic/mixed POV
Hi guys so I made this on a whim, lmao. Just came to my head lmao. I haven't properly proofread it yet but I hope you like it😫🥺
©all rights reserved. the modification, translation, and plagiarism of my work is strictly prohibited.
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He didn't know what to do. Kenji found it. The thing that turned his world into a total 180 once again. As Kenji stared down at the positive pregnancy test he found in trash, Kenji's mind was racing a million miles per house. He had just started adjusting to life without Emi, he would visit the kaiju infant from time to time but now this...was something else.
"How the hell did this happen?! I mean..I know how it happened but how?!" Kenji murmured to himself. His wife was at the store and he was taking the time to properly process everything. "Ken Sato..y-you can do it...no you can't! Oh my God!"
Kenji started panicking a little. Mina tried to calm him down. "Ken, you need to calm down. Your heart is racing. You'll be fine. A human child is almost the same as Emi" Mina reported. The robot assistant hovered next to Kenji as he clawed at his hair panicked.
"MINA! What do I do? That's an actual baby! Something my size! No...even smaller" Kenji gulped whiles hugging his knees. Kenji didn't even notice that the door had opened and his wife had returned from the store.
"Baby? You okay? What's going on?" I asked deeply worried as I sat down on my knees on the bed. I gently pet my husband's head. I looked around to find anything to give me a clue as to what made my husband panic so much. My eyes stopped as I found the positive test, I had taken a few hours ago. I hadnt been feeling well for a few weeks, before then Kenji I had been going at it like rabbits so it was kinda..expected. With widened eyes, I took a deep breath and gently hugged him. "Talk to me. Whats going on your head? And yes, I am pregnant"
Kenji's world turned upside once again. He felt alot of things now with this confirmation. Worry, happiness, panic, joy, fear. It was all over the place. "I mean..wow...I'm worried about taking care of a human baby this time.. they're much smaller" Kenji started and exhaled deeply. I hummed listening to him. "Don't get me wrong I'm happy..I'm j-just worried I'm not up to it. This baby is different from a Kaiju. W-What if i end up like my dad? Or my kids end up hating me later because of Ultraman"
"Kenji..breath. Deep breathes, okay? Shhh.."I soothed my husband as I listened to him. I put my hands on his shoulder and gently massaged him to ease his tension. "Honey..I know you're worried but trust me, you've got this. You're gonna be an excellent father. Think about it..remember how you took care of Emi. You're her dad too" I started whiles kissing his face softly.
"You're gonna be a better father than you're dad. You know firsthand how it felt with your dad and I know you wouldn't want our baby to feel how you did. You're gonna be fine. One day at a time. Plus we took care of Emi so well and look her..she's the most beautiful and friendly Kaiju" I reassured him. Kenji took deep breathes and listened to me. His stress and worries were eased but not completely.
"You're right. You're right.." Kenji murmured.
"I'm always right" I joked playfully whiles nuzzling into his nose. Kenji rolled his eyes playfully and kissed my cheek.
"See, baby. You're gonna be fine, okay? The best father ever. Look at our baby Emi. You have some daddy experience" I smiled whiles kissing his face. Kenji chuckled and returned the affection. Kenji began rambling about his excitement. I cupped his face as I listened to him.
"Bet you wanna go and tell Emi right?" I giggled whiles tilting my head with shake of my head. Kenji bit his lip in pure excitement and nodded. I pecked his lips. "Go on. Tell her I said hi, okay? Don't be too late ,okay? We have a lot to talk about"
"I won't. I love you, sweetheart" Kenji laughed and stood up as he opened the doors to the balcony before jumping out and transforming into the giant of light he was.
"I love you too, baby"
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