#this took. fucking forever. hhhh

[gravitysoupbowl]

stanley pines my beloved

[mara-xx217]

"I'll take care of it this time..." (A Mouthwashing Fic)

Anya was a failure in every regard, she knew this. A failure of a nurse, of a crewmember, as a woman...

But this is her decision and hers alone to make, and no one, not even *he*, can take that away from her or change the outcome of her fate.

"I'm sorry, captain... It's my fault and I'll take care of it this time."

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Past Sexual Assault, Hurt/No Comfort, Suicide, Graphic Description, Non-Romantic "Kiss", Drug Use/Overdose, Canonical Character Death

BANG! 

BANG!

BANG!  

“OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR, ANYA!” 

She covered her ears, ducking her head in between her shoulders as she paced back and forth between the space between her desk and the countertops and cabinets that lined one of Medical’s walls. Every hit the thick, metal door received reverberated through her teeth, causing them to chatter uncontrollably as her vision blurred around the edges. 

‘Take care of it.’

She has to take care of it this time.

There’s no waiting for someone else to make it better for her. 

Not this time…  

Never again… 

She has to be the one to 

[TAKE

RESPONSIBILITY]

 Anya could hear Daisuke and him talking outside, the younger man’s voice trembling in genuine concern and fear while his was raised, angry… on edge. Spiraling out of control into outright dangerous desperation. Her eyes keep drifting between the drawer underneath Curly’s cot, then to her desk, covered in mountains of discarded paperwork, filthy, purulent bandages and mostly empty bottles of painkillers. Anya tripped over her own feet, heart throbbing behind her dry eyes as she heard two pairs of footsteps rush away from Medical’s locked door. 

God, why didn’t she just stay in here… 

Forever-

“....h-hhhh-”  

She could barely hear Curly’s pained wheezes over the sound of her own laboured breathing. R-Right… Right. He needs her… The captain still needs her… Anya dragged her feet as she shuffled over towards her desk, picking up one of the bottles with a violently trembling hand. 

Oxycodone

10 mg

[THERE ISN’T 

NEARLY ENOUGH…]  

The little pills clattered in the mostly empty container as it shook in her hand. Anya clumsily reached for another bottle, knocking over the rest of them in the process. 

Empty…  

“...haaa…”

One or two…

“-n-n-”

Empty…  

“...a-ahhh… n-naaah…”  

Nothing outside of this room existed. The rest of the Tulpar, Daisuke, Swansea, him, all of space, Earth, the goddamn Pony Express… Nothing existed except her, the captain, and the pills that she struggled to consolidate into a single bottle. Anya cursed under a heavy breath as several oxycodone tablets went scattering across the floor. She instantly dropped to her knees and began to scour for them carefully, struggling not to hyperventilate as tears simply refused to fill her aching eyes.

“-o-okay… I-I-It’s going t-t-to be okay, C-C-Curly…” Her tongue was too heavy, too sticky to articulate the words correctly. In spite of how fucking upset she was, Anya has never felt so clear headed or alive before. She felt it in every little action that she took, in how her entire body shook from stress, how her stomach cramped from hunger pains, how her throat clenched from dehydration… Anya wondered if Curly felt the same, or if he could feel anything at all, anymore. 

No, he did. She knew he did. He was staring at her, unblinking, wheezing and sighing her name over and over again, trying, and failing, to reach out to her with his shrunken, handless limbs like he could possibly stop the chain of events that had already been unfolding months, no, years, before the crash. 

Anya’s fingers lacked the dexterity needed to pick the pills up off the textured metal panels, but she forced herself to steady her hands. She sucked in a deep breath, holding it as she dropped her nose to the floor as she focused on an oxycodone tablet. Her fingernails had grown to be unruly, just as everyone’s on board had, and she accidentally crushed one of the pills in between her nail and finger, leaving a dry, white powder underneath her nail bed. 

Such a waste… Anya brought her fingers to her mouth without thinking, sucking them clean in spite of the foul taste that flooded her mouth. It caused her to salivate involuntarily, coating her mouth in a blissful amount of sticky saliva. 

“H-Ha… Got it… I got it all… I’ll make the most of what we have and use the bare minimum, I promise…” Anya gripped onto bloody, crusty bedsheets, digging her fingers into the shitty, plastic mattress as she pulled herself up off the floor. Curly’s bloodshot eye stared back at her, his teeth chattering as he hissed air in her direction. 

“-a-aahhh… n-nnahh… A-Ahhh… n-naaahhh…” Seeing him so closely made her stomach churn. Anya can’t even remember the last time she ate, or what the last thing she even ate was, but bile burned the back of her throat as she began to feel a hot, drowsy tingle prickle through the hairs on her arms. 

“S-Shhh… Shh, Curly… Don’t worry, I’m giving you your medicine this time. I’m going to be a better nurse for you, even if it’s too late…” Anya got up and stumbled over to one of the counters, grabbing a bottle of water that was only a quarter full.

A quarter full…  

“Do you… Do you really believe that our worst moments don’t make us who we are, captain?” The taste in her mouth was foul, but she didn’t dare wash it out with the little water that remained. Curly needed it more than she did. He’s hardly eaten or drank anything in the months after the crash. Anya can’t really blame him, and wonders if he would rather she smother him with his pillow before things go any further. 

No, she can’t make that decision for him. She can’t…

She won’t-

“I don’t think… this is my worst moment. It’s not. I know it isn’t.” It’s the same conversation she had with him, only it felt far less one sided with Curly, even though he couldn’t even reply back. She looked up at him with a tired expression, shaking the pills around in her unsteady hand absentmindedly as she sat on the edge of his bed. Curly wheezed again, noticeably stiffening but Anya didn't move. 

He doesn’t want her to, anyway…  

“...I wish… I wish I didn’t tell you… it. Maybe-” Curly began to squirm. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t reach out to her or say anything at all, but Anya already knew everything he wanted to say to her.

‘No, don’t say that…’

‘The blame isn’t yours to bear.’

‘It’s mine, as a captain, crewmate and friend.’

‘I’m sorry, Anya…’  

“Maybe, this wouldn’t have happened if I had j-just-” Her voice abruptly died in her throat. The little oxycodone power she had ingested moments earlier was already affecting her, making her feel… tired. So very tired… But it didn’t cloud her judgement. Anya felt as though she was of sound mind, hyper aware of her situation in ways that she had forced herself to ignore for too long. The trembling in her hands and her chest didn’t stop, nor did the aching of her eyes, but she found herself able to smile down at her captain, at her friend as thick, gooey tears welled in his unprotected eye. 

She sighed heavily as she placed the bottle of water in between her knees. Anya opened the pill container with her thumb and dumped three oxycodone tablets into her dirty palm. She stared at a particular floor panel as she popped them into her mouth, ignoring how Curly writhed and gasped behind her. 

Anya quickly chewed up the pills and swallowed them, ignoring how her stomach immediately tried to reject the strange, overly sanitized and chemical taste. For a few seconds, she waited, forcing herself to swallow any bile that rose into the back of her throat and using it to wash the rest of the powdery substance down. Anya jerkily poured out more- two more- pills and quickly threw them into her mouth and ground them down to a sharp, lumpy powder as well. 

Already, she was woozy, struggling to focus as she forced another tablet into her mouth. She chewed, or really just gritted her teeth, hardly finding the strength to swallow it at all and merely letting it sit in her mouth. It didn’t matter, it would probably enter her bloodstream through her mucosal lining… Was that right…? She only ever had the privilege of pouring over medical books and reading and rereading prescription do’s and don’ts, so it’s likely she’s just wasting the precious little supplies the others had left. Anya was leaning heavily on her elbows, her thighs falling asleep from the weight of her body against just a small surface area. 

“C-Cuh-urly… C-Cap’n…” Anya slurs and she flings her body around. She tried to look at him, but the ship was spinning on its axis and Curly's skinless face was warping and twisting into a forced grimace. 

“‘m s-sooorrryyy…  C-Cap… I-Issss my fault ‘n I- I’ll taaaake -of it -t-time…” Anya clumsily shifts her weight onto her knees, kneeling on the crappy medical padding and causing the bed to dip under the change. 

“-n’t f-for- forge-et… M-Medi-” Her breath was catching in her chest. Anya had to put in conscious effort into breathing, made difficult thanks to her reeling head and eyes that refused to remain open for more than a fraction of a second. Anya balanced herself with her palm flat against the bed, body hovering over Curly’s blood, raw, bandaged one and steadied herself for one final task as the Tulpar’s acting nurse. 

One final pill was slipped into her mouth, the mostly empty pill bottle shoved inside of her jumpsuit pocket with a blind hand. Anya fumbled with the water bottle and poured the entirety of its contents into her mouth, careful not to swallow anything other than a few precious drops. The pill swam in her mouth as she leaned over Curly’s squirming face with pursed lips and unfocused eyes. 

He struggled to take in the water. It hurts! It’s painful to the touch, it’s impossible to swallow without choking on the burns in his mouth and gullet, but thanks to a subtle tilt of his head, the water flushes the oxycodone pill down his throat even if he chokes on it and the water. It’s painful but it's also relieving. Needed. He was in agony and dehydrated and Anya kept her promise that she would take care of him properly this time.

For the last time…  

Artificial gravity pulls her body down off the bed and onto the floor. Involuntary tremors wracked Anya’s body as she tried to take the pill bottle out of her pocket. Did… Did she take enough…? Anya didn’t want it to be slow. She couldn’t open it again, and her arms fell limply to her sides as she leaned her head against the cool metal of Curly’s cot. 

“-a-ahhh… n-naahh…”

“-a-ahh… n-n-naaahh…”

Seconds seem to drag on for an eternity when you are unable to blink. Curly couldn’t turn to face her, he could only make out her dark blob of hair out of the corner of his badly damaged eye as she shook and shuddered. He heard her vomit, coughing and choking on it as her tremors turned into a violent seizure. Did she know he was still here? Did she know that nothing else existed to him other than her? The life was leeching from her fast, and the disturbing gurgling that originated from deep within her throat soon died down into an uneasy silence. 

“...”  

Nothing broke the deafening quiet in Medical, not even a scream of pain and the crashing and grinding of metal against metal broke the stillness in the stagnant air. Curly couldn’t look away as the young intern bled all over the floor, shaking a motionless Anya and crying out her name before ultimately collapsing after he unlocked the door from the inside. On the other side, Jimmy stood, looking surprised at the culmination of actions years, no, decades, in the making. 

“F-Fuck-” Jimmy covered his mouth before his hand trailed to the back of his head.

“FUCK-!”

BANG!

BANG!  

“-it… I was going to fucking fix it… Why- Fuck- I was going to-

[TAKE

RESPONSIBILITY]

@prettycutebunny, @infinitewhore, @kennbb, @cherrysodalite, @space-arsonist, @pink-soft-shadow, @sinlessdesire, @hoemine, @memoryofheather @horny-3

[carica-ficus]

“Nona the Ninth”

20/07/2024

Reading progress: 477/477 (100%) Read through since last update: 203

The final stretch! Since I've had a free day yesterday, so I decided to binge the rest of the book and it was so worth it.

Alas, the final notes:

YEESSSS!!! RAGE!! TIME FOR VIOLENCE!!!!!

Hhhh Nona's meltdown is so freeing. There was SO much tension that has built up these last few days and she took it like a champ.

Ngl, I read that part as the frustration that comes out when you're finally done masking for so long. And I mean, Nona literally mentions it in the text too. That she's wearing a mask that looks like her face. Love to see it. It's comforting in a strange way. Mostly because I get it.

Fuck. Yeah, we learn about Earth's demise. We learn about the ways humans try to escape it. We learn about the consequences. But hearing John say that they needed to get the second wave of ships ready before the next round of climate starvation really hit. Humanity really is fucked. And not just in this book.

Not the fucking cows again.

Dying of curiosity. I mean... Is she wrong? (We'll see.)

Oh, fuck. It's not Ianthe's body.

This changes everything.

It changed nothing. Except that it might have made some things worse.

Of course it's Harrow's body. I did think that to myself somewhere in the middle of the book. Like - wouldn't it be SO funny if Harrow, who was always forced to calculate everything and be 3 steps ahead of everyone else, is replaced by Nona who depends on others to survive and has no idea what the fuck's happening? And there we all have it.

ALSO.

The storyline of Harrow working so much and trying to recover after all that grief and anger and sadness becoming a person that is going through recovery, who is loved and loves others, who is struggling so much to find herself, but doesn't know how to function on her own... It's such a powerful take on mental health and everything that comes along with trauma and recovery. This is such a good book.

Is it Gideon AGAIN???

That would be so fucking funny HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay. She's not. But it's so much worse! Hahahahaha 🙃🙃🙃

HSJDNDNJSKSKSKSKS PALAMEDES AND CAMILLA MY BELOVED ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

No pain meds. - Every pain medication you have, please.

AAAAAAA they're so ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Oh, yeah. There it goes again. Is Nona hard of hearing? I didn't really think about this element that much, but it does appear several times. She can understand others and multiple languages only if she sees them speak.

Ok. That John chapter was something.

And I know he's a shitty guy. I do. But I get it.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA not the Sixths doing math ALOUD in the Convoy to entertain themselves

Paul?

Sure, ok. Why not.

This kinda reminds me of that scene where Lapis (from Steven Universe) calls herself Bob during the baseball episode. Can't believe I remember that since I haven't watched the show in ages.

SUSS?????

THEN PERISH???

Okay, so much happened at the end that I just didn't want to put the book away in order to comment, so here's some thoughts at the end.

JOHN YOU DICKHEAD AAAAAAAAAAAAA

On the other hand, I am in LOVE with the way his character is written - from a perfect being to a selfish, deceitful and greedy man. I loved the way he captured Alecto. I love how he brought her into the tomb like a child, and she was in awe of everything he showed her. It's so raw. It's so sickening and repulsive and violating.

AND I LOVE that Alecto is basically the soul of the Earth. And I love that she is just a girl. That she just wants to live and love and be loved.

And that ending. AAAAA So cool. So so so so so cool. Love it.

I'm so happy I finally finished Nona. It is such a gorgeous book and I loved every bit of it. With each book I just fall more in love with the world and the characters, and I'm in awe of Muir's capability to make me appreciate every single character, no matter their background, morality or goals. Man, this story will stay with me for a long time, if not forever.

[fictionallyattractive]

dhfbsdhfsdhj this took me way too long, and I was tagged by @ailonwy and I love her so I did it :'D

I'll Tag: @trixibebe @tricksters-kiss @romancedeldiablo @oathwings @jenorca

I Hate: Listen, He just ain't that cute for me lmao I'm not a fan of his RE games where he is the protagonist, and I just think making someone be sarcastic and a simp isn't a personality. I would know- that's who I am. Lmao

I Find Funny: You can't dislike Majima- he's so funny and charming. I can't help it.

IDBTDKI: He's, like, my identity lmao. He can mori me in dbd, he can spare me, he's literally my baby. Forever that man's slut lmao If you haven't seen my steam page dedicated to him then you are missing out.

Deserved Better: HE NEEDS HELP. I LOVE HIM. No spoilers, but, please, someone give this guy some help.

I Kin: Okay, I don't kin anyone. I don't actually do / comprehend the whole kin thing but this was as close as I get seeing as I loved this guy because he had my older personality lmao nerdy and tired.

Radiates Comfort: He'd be such an awful boyfriend but he'd try LMAO and I respect that. Plus he's cute and seems like he'd protect the fuck out of you. And the parkour is hhhh

[xx-psych0-rabbit-xx]

thoughts on doctor who . favorite episode or monster or character or w/e 🎤

OH MANNN i watched all of the ninth tenth and eleventh doctor series+twelfth up until the episode where clara takes his keys or something? on public TV here!! they showed them just a bit after the kids programming and i was HOOKED despite catching episodes when younger giving me literally three different psychotic episodes that i was in and out of for atleast a month each (it also gave me two more when i was older LOL).anyways omg omg i ADORED the eleventh doctor matt smith is one of the only live action characters i learnt the actors name of.i also looooved missy even if her arc went a bit over my head bc i was falling out during twelfths run (I STILL LISTEN TO THE MISSY YOURE SO FINE PARODY ON YOUTUBE) anyways goddd i loved so many of the episodes??? its so hard to pick a favorite i just genuinely loved nearly all of them (also i keep having to go back to readjust the amount of episodes it gave me because i keep remembering more LMAO awesome show scares my existential crises too much though) god a favoriteee hhhh the van gogh one definitely the weeping angel ones OH definitely the ones w the skin lady who took roses body once cant forget those.god im sorry every episode i remember has me going FUCK YEAH I LOVE THAT ONE im SORRY for liking one of superwholock shows this genuinely doctor who was just a major highlight of my miserable middle school days.and id be lying if i said i dont wanna rewatch it and all the series i havent yet

(also nobody get concerned abt the amount of episodes it gave me i have paranoid pd which presents a higher frequency of psychotic episodes for the exchange they last way less.uh.usually.also i genuinely like creepy shit i willingly put myself through stuff thatll give me paranoia as long as it's not a major trigger.i am literally completely fine this way of living does not harm me long term i laugh about it when its over.the episodes that gave me my own episodes are literally my top favorites nowadays)

also "together forever or not at all" from when amy and rory jump off that building is one of the osts ever and i fucking adore that name

[blizzardinferno]

Yeah started watching Armada and I'd kill for all the bots so far

[valentinesparda]

aaaa hello im sorry if this has been asked before but!! what's your favorite thing about vergil? what's his favorite thing about you? :000

hellO!! shit man i’ve never….actually been asked this question before for vergil, and it’s makin’ me a little embarrassed. mainly because i never know how to answer properly. also i’m not in the right headspace to think about myself positively but i will try to

my favourite thing about vergil: i have a lot, but in my opinion it’s his ambition–eeeeven if it comes at the price of being more than just a little grating. he doesn’t let anything get in his way, he holds an unwavering loyalty to himself and his ideals and it’s admirable. but he also still has a bit of humanity (and humility) beneath it all and still has the ability to care. maybe some small part of him believes that if he isn’t the one to harness the power he’s after, it’d fall into the wrong hands and hurt things that don’t need to be hurt. i mean he’s also really pretty and i hate him for it but w/e

vergil’s favourite thing about me: it’s a little more tricky, because he would probably never tell anyone, but i like to think that he would admire the fact that despite everything i do and say, i have this unshakeable compassion that keeps me from completely losing myself to my own inner darkness, past the point of no return. it’s….dumb to think about, and i hate to put it that way, but i have a line that i won’t cross, and i care about my friends and other things more than i like to let on. vergil sees this, but he can’t take it as weakness because it’s something that keeps me grounded to like, my own inner strength

there’s….some sort of beautiful irony in it all i guess

anyways im gonna go die now

[bushmonsterr]

i dont really do requests but i got this ask few days ago and i thought it was super cute to do it, so i did a full piece of this guy wearing ford’s turtleneck ~★

i also forgot you said ‘young rick’ in the ask so i did an old rick instead im so sorry ;W;

btw, he’s sleepy

@l4chrymose0m3lancholy (thanks for the idea!) 

[levi-my-beloved]

Hello love, I was wondering that since your requests are open, could you maybe write some Levi smut with gender neutral reader? But can everything be focused on Levi. Reader just has to explain to him just how absolutely perfect he is whole. From the shape of his body to his steel eyes, then reader explains how much they love him and Levi gets all soft and flustered? Sorry if that was way too specific 😭

Perfect Imperfections

Pairing: Postwar!Levi x GN!Reader

Word Count: 5.2K (pls someone stop me)

Warnings: Spoilers for the end of AOT, anxiety attack, oral (m receiving), face fucking, slight overstim, dacryphilia if you squint, might have to wade through the softest fluff ever... 18+ MINORS DNI ISTG

A/N: pls idk why this one took me forever hhhh im sorry this took so long. It was such a cute ask tho pls i love it so much, thank you for sending in another request hehehe. i hope this is what you had in mind ^-^

@peace-for-levi here you are bb :3

If Levi would hazard a guess, it could have been anywhere between 3-4am right now. No light illuminated his surprisingly cosy bedroom at the Scout HQ, and though he’d been trying to get to sleep for the best part of five hours, his mind and stomach wouldn’t let him. Unease coiling in his gut, writhing and twisting until it was almost physically painful. Tendrils of doubt curled and slithered about in his brain, suffocating until all he could think about was his new reality.

The war was over. Eren was dead. The rumbling had been stopped. This was his last night in Paradis before he moved to Marley. He should be happy. He should be relieved. But all he could worry about was what the fuck he was supposed to do now? What was he good at? What other skills did he have other than fighting and killing? How the fuck was he supposed to survive in this new world that didn’t need newly crippled veteran soldiers. The thought had his eyes sliding to his leg beneath the covers, a heavy sigh breezing from his lips as he brought his hand up in front of his face, fingertips tracing over the new imperfections, cringing at the heavily scarred area where his ring and middle fingers used to be. He brought that same hand to the scars on his face, delicately swiping over his eye. Disgust replaced the unease in his gut, travelling up to and constricting around his heart until he felt it’s rapid beats in his ears, it’s pulses in his chest. He tried to take a deep breath but found his lungs tight and unable to take in the oxygen he needed.

Levi closed his eyes, hoping that the darkness behind his eyelids would appear more friendly than the suddenly less cosy room, but he just made it infinitely worse. Breaths quickening, heart thundering, brain fogging, he knew exactly what was happening and yet it still felt like he was going to die here and now.

The slightest shuffle to his right had him freezing almost instantly. In his loss of control, he’d forgotten what, or rather who, was now sleeping beside him. Slowly turning his head, he was relieved to see you were still asleep, though your slight stir had been enough to bring him from his downward spiral. You’d shifted over, blanket tightening around your shoulder as you now faced him, still completely lost in your dreamworld, your face scrunching slightly before relaxing once again. You looked so peaceful, and yet here he was on the cusp of a panic attack whilst you slept so soundly beside him. He couldn’t help but feel selfish.

You would usually sleep on the left side before Levi sustained his injury, but had since swapped due to the fact it was less far to walk from the bed to the bathroom from the left side. You’d been so good to him, despite recovering from injuries yourself. Three long, jagged scars now marred your chest and stomach, a wound from one of the Jaw Titans you sustained during The Battle Between Heaven and Earth. A stupid fucking name for it, in his opinion. They weren’t deep, deep enough to scar, but not deep enough to endanger your life.

Gently detangling your body from the tightened covers, Levi lifted them from your sleeping form, just enough to see the top of the highest scars peaking above the collar of your nightshirt, indented in your skin starting from the dip between your left collarbone and shoulder. He knew where it led. Knew that this specific one ended just above your right pectoral, and knew the second one started at the top of the left side of your ribcage, just under your pectoral, and ended just below your ribcage on the right side. He knew the last one had sliced down from beneath your left ribcage and down to your right hip bone. He knew these scars. He’d held you close to him whilst clinging onto the back of Falco’s titan. He’d felt your slick blood soak through his shirt as he begged you to stay with him. That you’d nearly made it. He’d watched as they carted you away, stitched you up and laid you down to rest. And he hadn’t left your side since then, not that he could get very far anyway. He could barely make it to the bathroom by himself.

Speaking of which…

Levi sighed again, swinging one of his legs over the side of the bed, before shifting the other with the utmost caution and care. It had been over a month since the battle. Over a month since the injury, and he still hadn’t recovered properly. It was a fucking joke.

As silently as he could, Levi left you alone in the bed, limping his way to the bathroom like some wounded animal and it repulsed him. Gone were the days where he could walk smoothly, and gone were the days where he could leave his bed without waking anybody else up, unbeknownst to him.

Levi shut the door before lighting the candles, not wanting the gentle glow to stir you from your sleep, before turning to the mirror and immediately cringing upon his appearance. He wondered how you could still look at him without averting your gaze. He wondered how you were still able to maintain eye contact even though one of his was now clouded milk. He hadn’t seen any looks of pity on your face, but he couldn’t believe you didn’t feel like that. He couldn’t believe you could look at him and genuinely love him the same way you did before. Did you feel sorry for him? Were you only staying with him out of that pity he feared so much? Were you just waiting until tomorrow, where the two of you were finally going to escape this island, to tell him it was over, and you were moving on?

“Fuck…” he hated thinking like this. You weren’t that shallow, and even entertaining the fact that you were still with him out of some sort of charity you felt would make you go crazy. He could already picture your face, thunderclouds in your eyes as you asked him how the fuck he could think that after staying with him through thick and thin.

Little did he know the door had been opened behind him. So busy scrutinising his own face, he hadn’t noticed you in the reflection, leaning against the door frame, arms folded over your chest. He didn’t notice you until two arms wrapped around his waist, and your chin came to rest on his shoulder. You could feel his body jump slightly, though no shock showed on his face. Forever hiding his emotions. You looked into his reflected eyes, and though one window to his heart was now shut, the other still remained wide open for you.

“If you’re grumpy tomorrow because you didn’t get enough sleep I’m going to kick your ass.” you murmured into his neck, breathing in his freshly showered, clean smell. A smell that was distinctly him.

Levi huffed in gentle amusement, his hand encompassing your arm around his waist, before his eyes dropped to realise it was the wounded hand, and he promptly dropped it back down to his side. He avoided your gaze in the mirror, knowing you would have picked up on that little movement and knowing you would understand exactly what it meant. Exactly what he was thinking. He often found himself cursing you for knowing him so well.

“Do you find me–”

“If the end to that question is anything other than ‘gorgeous’ or ‘a pain in my ass’ then I really am going to kick you.” you interrupted, your arms tightening around him as your tone hardened. You were not about to let him think any different about himself just because of a few scars. “Do you find me hideous?” Levi whirled at the question, eyes searching your face in utter indignant shock at what you’d just asked.

“Stupid fucking question, no I don’t. Of course I don’t.” Even though you wanted nothing more than to be close to him right now, you pulled away, immediately missing his body warmth as you took a couple steps back, once again folding your arms over your chest.

“Why not? I’ve got scars. New and old. Physical and mental. How come you don’t find me hideous and yet you find it so easy to hate yourself.” Levi almost flinched. He was not expecting you to be quite that blunt, if he was being honest. He too took a step back, leaning against the sink basin as he mulled over your words. You’d trapped him in a box, knowing it was hypocritical of him to think the way he does about himself, and then think a completely different way about you. He knew how ridiculous that was, and yet…

“That’s not the same thing.” he muttered quietly, already anticipating your scoff of disbelief. And he wasn’t disappointed. Your loud huff almost made him smile, and he would have done, had he not been in the process of trying to prove a pointless point.

The soft padding of your feet had him raise his eyes, skin prickling with goosebumps as you hands trailed over his bare chest and up until your arms circled around his neck and you were once again resting your chin on his shoulder, only now the reflection in the mirror was your own.

“Levi, you had scars before I met you. We continued to gain scars together. Do you really believe I would all of a sudden find you grotesque to look at just because we gained a few more?”

“I think grotesque is a bit strong…”

“Answer the damn question.” placing your hands on his shoulders, you leant back to properly look at him, raising a brow at his continued silence. A thumb beneath his chin steered his gaze back to you, something he’d been desperately trying to avoid once again. With a heavy sigh, Levi admitted what you’d been waiting for.

“No…” though the quiet admission wasn’t enough for you.

“Sorry? I didn’t quite catch that? Could you speak a little louder for me?” Levi’s gaze narrowed, though he tried unsuccessfully to hide his little smirk at your antics.

“Fucking brat… No, I don’t think that.” he silently relished in your grin of triumph, adoring the way it lit up your eyes even in the low light. Your cheeky smile faded into something a little more genuine, something full of utter awe and adoration for the man in front of you. Something Levi recognised, causing him to look away a little awkwardly, still not knowing what to do when you look at him like that, with eyes so brimming with love.

When you brushed your lips against his, Levi instantly melted. And insecurities about his hand faded away as he placed them both on your waist, standing upright so you didn’t have to awkwardly lean on him anymore, though he kept most of his weight still on his uninjured knee. Your tongue swiped against his lower lip, silently asking for permission to enter, and it was less than a second before you were tasting the slight mint flavour of his mouth.

A low groan escaped his lungs when your fingers drifted up the back of his neck, gently scratching the coarse hairs of his undercut before firmly lodging themselves in his locks. You used that leverage to gingerly tilt his head up and to the side as you left his mouth, suckling and biting along his jaw and down the side of his neck, delivering a sharp nip to his pulse point and feeling it quicken beneath your tongue. A breath of your name urged you on, trusting him to keep his head tilted for easier access, your hands once again travelled the plains of his chest, nails gently dragging down his ribs as you felt him shiver beneath your touch.

Levi’s mind was blissfully blank, simply content to enjoy the feeling of your lips and teeth against his skin. He noticed how you always lingered on his scars, taking your time to run your tongue along the raised or dented skin, his breath hitching as you rambled about how beautiful he is against his collarbone, before your teeth sunk into his soft flesh and you sucked a blossoming bruise to the surface, and a grunted whine from his throat. He could feel his arousal stirring, his flannel bottoms doing nothing to conceal his steadily growing erection. You had this effect on him, you’d always had this effect on him, and ever since the war ended, he’d found a new appreciation for it.

You resurfaced to his face, a wicked smirk pulling at your lips. Clearly you’d also felt his stirring, your hand intertwining with his as you slowly and sensually pulled him from the bathroom. Levi raised a brow at the way you bit your lip in subdued excitement, though he tried to feign indifference, you could tell he wasn’t by the way his clothed cock continued to harden.

Stopping your movements, you let him catch up to you, his hands once again falling to your waist, his head dipping with the intention of delivering the same treatment to you as you just did to him, but you stopped him before he could. He hadn’t registered the fact you’d managed to slowly spin the two of you around, only realising when the back of his legs touched the bed behind him and you pushed, sending him falling onto the surprisingly plush mattress.

Pushing himself up onto his elbows, Levi raised a brow of aroused intrigue as you crawled up his body, immediately returning your teeth home to his neck, suckling like a hungry kitten against his soft skin. You heard his breath hitch, unable to contain your smile against his pulse point as you once again sucked.

Levi allowed his eyes to close, basking in your adoration as his hands landed on your waist with the intention of flipping you over. But in a moment of remarkable strength, you shoved those hands up above his head, pinning his wrists amongst the multitude of pillows you swore you needed to sleep properly. Confusion replaced arousal as he peered at you quizzically.

“Are we not–”

“No, we’re not. Just let me show you. Will you do that? Will you let me show you?” there was so much conviction in your voice, he was finding it hard to say no to. Not only that, but he was a little curious as to what you had planned. With his wrists still pinned with one hand, you brought the other down to gently caress the scar over his eye, the pads of your fingers ever so delicately soothing the healed wound, showing no hesitation in your touch.

“Show me what?” His voice was nothing more than a rasped whisper as he leaned into your hand down the side of his face, pressing a small kiss to your palm, his eyes never leaving your as he searched for your answer. But it came not in words, but rather in actions. Another one of you coy little smirks pulled at your lips as you let go of his wrists, trusting him to keep them there for now, before your head dipped back down to the side of his neck, your breath ghosting up his skin. You paused by his ear, gently tugging on his lobe with your teeth just to hear the sweet gasp he drew.

“Let me show you how beautiful you are.” your tone was deliberately breathy, enjoying the way he shivered beneath you. You had to show him. It had become your personal mission now. To make him feel every pulse of you aching admiration for him. Your lips fell back against his jugular, nipping at his Adam’s apple before dragging your touch down his chest. Electricity sparked at your fingertips as you rolled one of his nipples in between your thumb and forefinger, the other now enveloped in your mouth, encouraging the softest whimpers from the back of his throat with your tongue, flicking and playing with the pebbled sensitivity.

You failed to stifle a chuckle at his heated choke when you both bit and pinched with your mouth and hand, feeling the result of your attention where you straddled his hips jolt in anticipation. Removing your mouth from his chest, you admired the string of saliva connecting the two of you as you brought your thumb to smear your spit across his pecs, glancing up to his pleasure contorted features. Brows pulled up into a pinched arch, his lips sandwiched between his teeth when he wasn’t gasping or whining. The slightest flush had just started to creep across his cheeks and down his neck when he cracked his eyes open, partly curious to see why you’d stopped, and partly to convey just how much he wanted you to keep going.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous, Levi. So pretty. My pretty boy.” you murmured as you slunk down his body, his hips bucked slightly in response to your words, desperate for you to keep up your ministrations, but you weren’t done worshipping him yet. Your fingers skirted around the hem of his bottoms, snapping the elastic against his hips before dipping your thumbs inside the flannel fabric. Not to provide any stimulation, but rather to massage and sooth his already tensing muscles. You wanted him to relax and enjoy this.

You dragged the clothing down with you the further you crawled, guiding the elasticated hem over his thighs, smirking at his hitch of breath as his cock sprung free, before removing them completely. But you didn’t head straight for the main event, instead you turned your attention to his calves, your hands kneading the muscles either side of your hips as you knelt between his legs. Bending down, you placed the gentlest of kisses against the scars on his knee. A wound you knew hurt so much more than any of the others simply for what it had done to him. You knew he hated those scars more than the ones on his hand, or his face. Because this one made him slower, made him less reactive, less dangerous. Less capable of protecting you. And he hated it.

You whispered soft affirmations against the mangled joint, each one going straight to his heart, reassurance deftly unwrapping the constrictions of doubt he’d had suffocating his thoughts as you moved up his leg, biting into the soft flesh of his inner thigh. Levi’s eyes flew open at the tender hurt, another sharp gasp flying from his disobedient lips. He could have sworn he shut them earlier, but as you closed in on where he needed you most, he didn’t have the capacity to mull it over. That was, until you bypassed his aching length all together, and started on his other thigh.

Rising up on his elbows and peering down at you, Levi just managed to stifle a whimper long enough to ask;

“Wh-what are you doing?”

A question that earned himself a quiet chuckle in response, followed by another graze of your teeth against his supple flesh. It wasn’t until he looked down did he realise what you were actually doing. You were following the marks left by his ODM gear. Now he’d noticed, he couldn’t help but think that should have been obvious beforehand, however that was just another effect you had on him. He lost all perception of the obvious whenever you knelt between his thighs.

“Just… feel.” you instructed, resurfacing to gently push against his slick chest, nestling him back against the mattress before you resubmerged yourself beneath his pleading wants. “Everything about you is so fucking perfect. Everything. Your face, your body, your scars, your heart. There’s not a single thing I would change about you Levi. Not a single thing.” Levi found himself returning his gaze to the ceiling, not quite knowing how to respond. A deeper blush darkened across his already cherry-blossom cheeks, closing his eyes to simply do as you instructed. To simply feel.

Although his lasted all of two seconds before your fingertips grazed the underside of his length, and Levi’s hips bucked once again, a soft curse falling from his untamed mouth as your palm encased the base of his cock, though you still hadn’t moved, content to just let him stew in his arousal and the precum that was now leaking from his tip.

Back in the Scouts, Levi Ackerman was known for his restraint. He was known for his patience and stoicism, but with you finally giving him what he’d craved all evening, all that was left of this reputation was thrown out of your private window. The bed below him dipped as he tried to manually apply some friction, attempting to move your hand up his shaft by withdrawing his hips as much as he could, but this only resulted in you gripping his harder, a soft moan drawn from his lungs along with the rest of his breath. He was getting needy.

“Please? Please. I need you. Show me… show me, please.” you knew exactly what he was asking for, and though your instinct was to make him beg further, you ignored that in favour of your original objective. You knew exactly what he was asking for.

Show me how good you can make me feel.

With a steady, confident hand, you began to pump his shaft, forcefully dragging out those erotic, airy groans with little mercy, his hips moving in time with your hand. Though your grip was firm, the palm of your hand was remarkably soft for somebody who’d spent the best part of their life fighting. With the lubrication of his own slick, you relished in the slight squelch of your movements dancing and mingling with his lewd whimpers of your name, that same expression from before returning only this time, his mouth hung open. A gateway for all those sinful noises you adored to pull from him.

For example, the pitiful, desperate mewl he made as you pulled your hand from his length, tapping his thigh slightly to get as much attention as you could from a man who was already losing his mind.

“Need you at the edge of the bed, make it easier for me, yeah?” you knew he would comply anyway, but you made sure to always ask. Levi nodded vaguely, sitting up and letting you pull him down until his feet touched the cold floor, either side of your knees as you sat on your heels. You were careful to avoid his injured joint, happily planting one more kiss against the scarred flesh before returning your attention back to his throbbing cock. You settled your hand back around the base, allowing your thumb to trace and apply pressure to the most prominent vein underside his shaft. Levi fell back once again with a low moan, one hand fisting his hair as subtle ecstasy started to replace the borderline painful ache of his pulsing length.

Your supple palm rested atop his tip, drawing soft circles with your entire hand, before your grip tightened and you massaged in those same circular motions, your middle fingers gathering the precum at his slit before spreading it around his sensitive head.

“Fuck…” his curse was almost inaudible, hips rising to grind against your touch. There was something carnal about not being able to see what you were doing. Not knowing where or how you would touch him next. He made a scribbled mental note to bring up blindfolds with you later, before it was hastily shoved aside by yet another thrum of pleasure through his veins, his heartbeat quickening with every slight movement.

Levi’s chest inflated as your tongue came in contact with his shaft, his tip now a fountain, leaking with every intense pulse of his arousal. You dragged your pointed muscle along that very same vein your thumb was teasing earlier, listening to the pitchy whines of his lust before circling his head, your hand replacing what you’d left behind, smearing your saliva along his cock.

A gentle groan left your own lips as his fingers threaded into your hair, anchoring himself to the dock of your scalp, lest he be carried above the clouds by your malleable tongue. You grinned against him, lapping the precum from his tip before sloppily kissing the head of his cock like you would his lips, your attention leaving him cross-eyed and bursting with need.

Levi’s other hand scrunched the sheets below him as you finally wrapped your mouth around his bulging tip, a flurry of broken moans spurring you on as you firmly pumped what you refused to put in your mouth. For now, at least. All your teasing and building had left him stupid, able to think of nothing else but his torturous need for release. His hips thrust gently, rhythmically into your mouth and you held your tongue out for him, helping him on his way. Before you took that away from him as well. Pushing against his hip bone, you refused to let him move as you once again enveloped his cockhead in your mouth, and sucked. Hard.

“Sh-shit! Fuh-fuck, oh fuck keep– nngh, keep going. Pl’please, keep going.” there was nothing quite as arousing as listening to him beg. You weren’t even trying and yet your good boy was pleading with you. A savage smirk spread across your glistening lips as you pulled off him, emptying his chest of another pitiful mewl.

“Only if you acknowledge how fucking perfect you are.” you mused, idly circling the now shining tip of his cock with your middle finger, watching in amusement as he tried to get you to continue by thrusting into your touch. Glancing up his sweat slickened chest, you watch his brows furrowed in concentrated heat, clearly debating whether the admission was worth the mind-shattering orgasm he knew you were going to give him. As if to sway his decision, you poked your tongue back out, delivering a few kitten licks up his shaft.

“O-okay, okay fuckin’... fine! …mperfect…” you quirked a brow, sitting up on your knees to really take in the visual before you. Your partner, all splayed out on the best, chest heaving, sweat beading, muscles shaking. But his face, oh his face; brows pinched up, eyelids fluttering, his cheeks all flushed and rosy for you. That muscle in his jaw quivering in a battle between his defiance and need. One you wouldn’t mind interfering in. Leaning across his chest, you pulled at his shoulder to get him to sit up, giggling slightly as his head got left behind a little, before he was faced with the picture of you kneeling between his thighs once again, looking up at him. His hand left your hair to cup your face, thumb running across your bottom lip as you smiled softly, leaning into his touch. A hiss left his teeth as you dipped to lick his cock, before quirking your brow again.

“You’re what?” you asked, smirking like the brat you both knew you were. Levi huffed a sigh, a hand threading through his own hair as he rolled his eyes in acceptance. You always got your way.

“I’m perfe– oh fuck! Fuck…!” he couldn’t even finish his sentence before you’d completely devoured his length, his head brushing the back of your throat as you swallowed around him, provoking cries of your name to fly from his pretty lips.

Hands on his hips, you kept him upright as you bobbed your head along his length, hollowing your cheeks, flicking your tongue, pulling out every trick in the book you knew would get him there. One of your palms snaked down his hip bone, kneading and massaging his balls just to hear another one of those whimpered groans you couldn’t get enough of. Sex saturated the air, thickening the steady breaths you took through your nose as you held him in your throat, doing nothing but swallowing around him.

“S-stop… you’re gonna make me fucking– h’haa’ah, make me fucking cum if you d-do that… gonna make me cum…!” so, naturally, you continued. Your tongue massaging circles along the underside of his length as you continued to just swallow, your teary eyes drinking in his fucked out appearance above you, his own wide and unblinking as he watched you. Until your pace increased tenfold.

Levi threw his head back, eyes rolling into his skull as you furiously fucked his length into your mouth, your hand still fondling and massaging his balls until all he could think about, all he could feel, was you. And the tightening coil in his stomach snapping so forcefully he didn’t know if you could take it.

“C-cumming…! Cumming! Sh-shit oh f’fuck! Fuck! I’m cumming i’m cu’a-haah, haaa’ah, shit!” you relished in the way his voice broke alongside his cries, pitchy and breathy as you felt his length pulse against his tongue, ropes of his cum coating your muscle as you drank his release as he came hard, his thighs quivering beneath your grip, one of his hands braced behind him so he wouldn’t fall, the other clenching and unclenching against your scalp as you sucked him through the throes of pleasure, draining his heavy balls of all he had to give.

Warmth spread throughout his chest as his high clouded his mind, hips stuttering against your face as you blew him into overstimulation, jolts of pain-laced pleasure shocked his system as he begged for you to come away, to let him recover.

You didn’t listen.

Not for a few more seconds anyway, content to listen to him cry as you continued to flick your tongue over his weeping slit. Content to feel him squirm in your grasp, hands desperate to pull you off his length. Content to watch the few tears leave his clenched eyes, broken pleas falling so easily from his mouth anyone would have thought you hadn’t let him cum.

But, you had been merciful tonight, giving him what he wanted for minimal return. You chuckled at his gasp of relief when you removed yourself from his length with a pop, making sure to leave him as clean as you found him before grinning up at your exhausted partner as he fell back against the mattress.

“Levi? You okay…?” you asked, clambering up over his body to rest your chin on his chest, peering up at his through concerned, curious eyes, wondering whether you’d fucked him to death or not. But when he slowly returned your gaze, dragging the back of his hand down the side of your cheek and smiling imperceptibly at you, you knew he was alright.

“Sleep…” he murmured to your quiet amusement, grunting non-commitantly as you brushed his bangs back to gently press a kiss to his forehead before attempting to drag him back up the bed and to the clouded sky of pillows you shared. Levi curled in on you, instantly finding his place nestled into your neck as your arms wrapped around him, securing him against your body.

His groan held no heat as you threaded your hands through his locks, not to stir him but rather to soothe him, and he was content to simply fall asleep there, safe in your loving embrace.

“I love you, my perfect boy,” you whispered into his hair, smiling as you heard another hum that sounded suspiciously like ‘I love you too…’ before you too were enveloped in the comfort of sleep.

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

night

[nightshade-minho]

-Nightmare- (12)

Warnings: mentions of domestic abuse, alcohol, violence is alluded to.

Wc: 3.8k

(Note: The song Y/n plays on her guitar is Sweet Night by V. I highly recommend listening to it for added ~feels~)

(Also- I can’t English hhhh. I apologize for the grammatical mistakes I make sometimes~)

Minho was woken up by your squirming. He looked down at you, eyes scrunched and frowning as you clutched his shirt tightly, and realized you were having another nightmare.

“Y/n...” He hesitated, kissing the top of your head and stroking it. “Shh, it’s okay...” He hugged you tighter, gently squeezing your shoulder. You opened your eyes as he did so, sweating and blinking rapidly, looking up at him with a confused expression.

“How did we...Where’s J-” You squinted, sitting up and slightly pulling away from Minho as you heard the doorbell ring.

“Fuck, it’s Juyeon...” You glanced at Minho, making a sound of frustration as you stood up.

“Oh. Why’s he here now...? Oh wait, never mind, I forgot.” He grimaced, sitting up a little and moving the blanket to the side. 

“Maybe you should go hide or something...”

“Why the fuck should I hide? It’s not like you cheated on him with me or anything. Besides, need I remind you that this is my apartment as well?”

“So...you’re staying here?”

“Yup. I’ll get my things from Chan’s again. I obviously wasn’t planning on staying at Chan’s forever.”

You sighed. “Right.” You walked over to the door, running your hands through your hair and opening it.

“Baby!” He grinned widely, quickly pulling you in his arms.

“J-juyeon...can’t breathe-”

You giggled as he let you go, hesitating before kissing your cheek and walking in.

“Told you I’d be back early morn-” He stopped, frowning as he saw Minho on the couch, scrolling through his phone lazily. 

“Why’s he here?” He asked, his voice calm.

“Dude. I live here.” Minho rolled his eyes, not looking up from his phone.

“Yeah, but I thought...”

“Y/n and I made up yesterday. Congratulations, by the way! Treat her well, or else.”

Juyeon rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath. “That’s rich, coming from you.”

You looked between the two, stuttering as you excused yourself, going to your room to brush your teeth.

Minho waited for you to leave before glaring at the man. “I heard that.” He sneered.

“Good.”

There was a silence for a while as Minho sighed, remembering what he’d promised himself yesterday. He set his phone down. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Juyeon raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

“I don’t know, everything. I’m trying to make myself a better person...and I wanna acknowledge that I’ve hurt people.”

“That’s...nice of you. Why, though?”

“Well...” he trailed off, groaning as he gripped his thigh tighter. “I just want to...I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Yeah well, I just want to tell you something. Apologies are nice and all, but Y/n’s mine now, okay? You living here again is fine, but...I didn’t spend all this time pining after her to lose her to an asshole like you. So don’t even try taking her from me.” He snapped.

Minho scoffed, laughing. “What makes you think I would want to do that?”

“Chan told me you’re in love with her.”

Fuck. 

“He did? Huh. Well it’s a lie. I don’t have feelings for her, she’s just my best friend and roommate.”

“Okay. If you say so. I saw the way you ran after her that night, though. I mean, if you didn’t care, or had zero feelings, you wouldn’t have done that.”

“Are you dumb? Of course I....care about her. You can’t be best friends with someone for sixteen years and not care about them.”

“Yeah okay, whatever.”

He groaned. “Look, Juyeon, I don’t want to have any tension between us. For real, I’m not trying to steal your girl.” God, that hurt to say. “Look, if you’re going to be my best friend’s boyfriend, we should get along. I assume you’re going to come over a lot, so...we need to be civil to each other, okay? For her.”

He nodded. “Yeah, sure. For her.” He said, just as you finished getting ready, returning to the living room.

Juyeon’s frown quickly melted into a smile as he turned from Minho to you, standing up and holding his hand out. You took his hand, glancing at Minho’s neutral expression.

“Hey, if you wanted to walk with us, we don’t mind...”

He rolled his eyes. “Nah, it’s okay. You go ahead. My classes don’t start until later, anyway.”

“Okay.” You gave him a smile which he reciprocated, waving to him as you left.

Minho sighed, smile dropping instantly as the door closed, getting up to go to his room. God, he missed it. He pulled off his shirt, hating the way your scent was still clinging to it. Collapsing onto his bed, he clutched at the bed sheets tightly, trying to control and retain all the burning anger and dejection he was feeling. His heart had been twisting when he’d seen Juyeon hold your hand...and you laughing as he kissed your cheek. 

It had barely been a day, and the green-eyed monster inside him was already on a rampage, making him breathe shakily as he tried to banish the thoughts. 

He didn’t know if he could do this for much longer.

***

Minho was envious and possessive. He couldn’t deny that he had those traits in abundance.

He’d been possessive ever since the two of you were young. Seeing you talk and get friendly with people who weren’t him always made him queasy...sometimes, he’d even go to the extent of purposely sabotaging your other friendships. He stopped doing that when middle school started, but try as hard as he could, he never did get rid of that feeling of ardent jealousy.

He was afraid that one day, you would finally realize that he wasn’t good enough for you. For anyone. His father constantly reminded him of that fact, after all.

He really didn’t want you to leave him.

When he first met you, he was entranced with your wide, innocent eyes and the way you looked so happy and pure. Despite being so young, Minho didn’t have an ounce of innocence left in him. He’d been forced to grow up all too fast...

Minho saw in you the kind of person he wanted himself to be. He liked coming over to your house, too. Your family was always so sweet and accommodating...the complete opposite of his. The more time he spent with you, the less he dwelled on his own fucked up life.

He liked all the sleepovers, especially. He would sleep at the foot of your bed in a sleeping bag, the two of you still talking late into the night. The first time he’d stayed the night at your house, he’d fallen asleep quickly for the first time in his life. Your soft snoring had calmed him, a welcome change from the sounds of glass breaking, the angry shouts that he’d gotten used to back home. 

Sometimes, you’d dangle your arm off the side of the bed and he’d hold it, the feeling of your warm hand in his making him even calmer. 

Your bedroom was where you hung out until middle school started. After that, the two of you found another place to call your own, a place that was special to the two of you.

You were the one who’d discovered it, one day before school as you waited for Minho to come pick you up from your house, so the two of you could walk together to school. He’d been taking slightly longer than usual this time, so you decided to take a walk to the lake near your house. There had been a few water poppies you’d spotted last time you were there, and you wanted to pick some.

You squinted at the grass near the lake, frowning as you couldn’t find any that weren’t smushed- a dog must have trampled all over them. You walked along the length of the lake, trying to find ones that were intact, when you noticed the big willow tree that was right across the bend. 

You were surprised, because you hadn’t seen such a big tree before- but then neither had you walked this far.

When you walked back, Minho had a worried expression on your face as he saw you.

“There you are! Oh god, i was going to call your mom-”

“Come on, I wanna show you something!” You grabbed his hand, not caring that you were late as you tugged him along, taking you to the grassy area, and pointing at the big tree.

“Wow, it’s so beautiful...”

“It really is, isn’t it?”

Since then, you met there every day after school, under the shade of the tree. It became your little haven, a place where you told each other secrets, and laughed at things your fellow students would do.

One day though, as you laid your head on Minho’s thigh, your hands occupied with making a daisy chain, he sighed, voice shaky as he spoke.

“Sometimes, I feel like I’m going to end up like my father.”

You looked up at that, frowning at him.

“You won’t. You’re a good person, Minho.”

“I don’t know. It’s in my genes after all, isn’t it?”

“People aren’t always exactly like their parents. Don’t put yourself down. You, Lee Minho, are amazeballs.”

He giggled, pinching your nose and cringing at the 13 year old lingo. 

“Amazeballs?”

You laughed. “Shut up. You know what I mean. Kind, cool, strong, funny...”

His gaze softened as he looked down at you. “You think so?”

“Yeah.” You sat up, facing him and taking his hand in yours. “I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through. I won’t pretend to understand. From what you’ve told me though, I know you’re nothing like him. You’ve always been there for me, Minho, always been someone I can lean on.”

He sighed, nodding. “Yeah. But that’s only because you’re my best friend. I’m not this nice to others. You know that.”

“Not everyone can be nice all the time, you know? That sounds tiring. And to be honest, not every one deserves people being nice to them.”

“That’s true...how do you do this? Manage to cheer me up, always? You’re so...perfect.”

“Me? Perfect? Shut up. You know I’m far from it, Minho.”

“To me, you are.”

You stuck your tongue out at the cheesy comment, erupting into a fit of giggles as Minho pulled you close, his hands tickling your sides.

He finally stopped after multiple protests from you, smiling down at your breathless form. 

You hummed. “I know you can’t really call the place you live home...so can we be each other’s home?”

His smile grew wider.

“Yes, we can.”

You made him feel special, worthwhile. You saw the good in him that he couldn’t see, no matter how hard he tried. 

A while after he graduated from high school though, he came home one day to an empty house. A few minutes later, he received a call from the hospital that his mother had been admitted under critical care and that his father was being detained by the police.

He realized you were wrong. He definitely wasn’t any of those fucking things you said he was. He wasn’t there for his mother when she needed him. He’d let that monster act according to his wishes. 

He slowly decided to stop caring. His college life would be different from the one he’d led so far. After all, what was the point in trying? People don’t change. Being vulnerable never ended up getting you anywhere, and his own home life was evidence enough. You wouldn’t have wanted him to give up, but he always knew he’d let you down sooner or later.

***

When Minho woke up, he noticed it was already dark. It was about 6:00. He’d missed his classes, but he didn’t really care.

He sighed and slipped off the bed, rubbing his eyes as he pushed open his door.

You were sitting on the sofa, humming as you mindlessly strummed your guitar like you usually did, whenever you were nervous or sad.

He came forward, sitting on the couch with some distance between you. You looked up as you saw him, giving him a small smile. “I thought you still weren’t back.”

“I slept all day...missed my classes.”

You nodded, turning back to your guitar.

“Where is he?”

“Juyeon? He left a while ago. He had plans.” 

“Ah.”

There was more silence as Minho thought of what to say next, leaning back and watching you as you slowly started playing a small tune that sounded familiar, but one which he couldn’t quite place. Your humming slowly turned into singing, softly pronouncing each word.

Minho felt his heart pounding as he closed his eyes like he always did when you sang, preferring to focus on your voice without any distractions. As the song came to a close, he realized he head tears pricking his eyes. The lyrics hit too close to home.

He opened his eyes, staring at you. “Did...did you write that song?” He asked slowly.

“No...I really like it, though...”

“Yeah, m-me too.” He gulped.

He couldn’t take it anymore. Every part of him was screaming, telling him to man up and confess already. You’d confirmed that you didn’t reciprocate his feelings, but he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. If he didn’t say anything, he would burst.

“Y/n, I...”

You looked up at him. “Hm?”

“I...”

It was so hard. Why was it so hard to just spit out those words? He felt so frustrated with himself.

He shifted closer to you. Maybe if he couldn’t say it...he could show it instead.

Your eyes widened as he came closer, his eyes wet as he gently touched your cheek, leaning in further.

“W-what are you doing?”

“Shh...”

His lips brushed against yours. You felt sparks shooting through you despite the minimal touch, warning signals going off in your brain.

You pushed him away before he could deepen the kiss any further, feeling so utterly heartbroken that you could barely breathe.

“Stop- just s-stop.” You cried, rubbing at your eyes and standing up, glaring down at him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

He frowned, confused. “I...I was just trying to-”

“Shut up. I’m so sick of you. Why are you doing this to me? Why do you keep trying to kiss me, why do you look at me like....like that sometimes? I don’t understand how you feel about me, I don’t know if you even think before doing shit like this-”

“Y/n, it’s not-”

“No. Please. Stop talking. Stop the excuses. Do you care about me? What do you feel? Cause I don’t understand.” You scoffed shakily, running a hand through your hair and staring at the ceiling. 

“We had sex. Was there really nothing behind it? Was I just another girl for your fucking bed? Or do you...do you feel anything for me?” 

You swallowed, looking at his dumbstruck face and panting.

He stayed silent, his face passive as he took in your words. 

You raised an eyebrow. “Answer me...please, Minho. I’m...I’m begging you.” 

He swallowed, his hands folded in his lap.

Come on Minho. This is your chance.

“Well?”

I’m in love with you.

I think I always have been.

Please don’t leave me.

He stayed silent. 

You scoffed. “That’s what I thought.”

Glaring at him, you left for your room and slammed the door behind you. 

***

You lay in your bed, fingers playing with your hair-tie as you lost yourself in your thoughts. God, love was a shitty feeling. All the movies and books described it as something beautiful, tender and soft.

In reality, love was painful. It felt like needles were poking your heart every time you saw his face, remembering all the happy memories you’d made with him. Memories that were now tainted. 

You picked up your phone as it rang, sighing as you realized who it was.

“Hi.”

“Hello, baby! I’m so sorry I couldn’t call earlier. I have a night shift so I’ll be late, but I hope today I can finally stay over?”

“Um, yeah, sure.”

“Yay! We can have our own little sleepover.”

You laughed softly, rubbing the remaining tears away and sitting up a little. “Okay. I’m looking forward to it!”

“Hehe, see you later, sweetheart.”

You sighed and let the phone fall from your hands as you slipped further down the bed, smushing your face in the pillow and trying to get a moment’s peace. You got rid of all the thoughts in your head, choosing to replace them with emptiness for a while.

***

A few hours later you were woken up with a gentle shove. You opened your eyes sleepily, turning around and smiling. 

“Ah. You’re here.”

“Uh huh. You okay?” Juyeon frowned, taking note of the dried tear stains on your face. You nodded, blinking as you sat up. “I’m fine.”

“Good.” He held up his laptop, smiling widely and getting into the bed next to you.

“I’ve downloaded a bunch of movies for us to watch together.”

“Ah.” You mumbled, smiling slowly and yawning. “That’s nice.”

He sighed, seeing your expression and putting the laptop aside. “You seem sleepy. I’m fine with cuddling. Scoot~”

He moved you to the side a little bit and pulled you against him, stroking your hair and smiling.

You felt a feeling of profound guilt, his face so innocent and caring that the disdain you felt for yourself grew. Why were you so caught up on the emotionally tone-deaf asshole in the other room when you had someone right here who actually cared about you?

Because you and Minho have been through so much together. You were there for each other when no one else was. No matter how hard you try, you would never get over him, would never get rid of the fact that all the two of you really knew was each other.

Juyeon watched as your expression darkened, his fingers pausing, drifting down from your hair and cupping your cheek, just like Minho had done a few hours ago. 

He leaned in, his lips slightly open.

No. You couldn’t do it. This was wrong.

You stopped him, your hand over his mouth as you closed your eyes, not wanting to see his hurt expression. 

“I’m...s-sorry.” You whispered, sniffing. 

“I can’t string you along like this anymore. I’ve never really been a good person...and I’m still not. But I can’t do this to you. Can’t stay with you when I know I can’t return the love you give me. I don’t deserve it.”

“Open your eyes, Y/n.”

You slowly peeled them open, breath hitching as you looked at him.

“I knew.” He pulled away, sighing and sitting up on the bed. “I know you don’t like me. I know you only got together with me to prove something. I guess I fooled myself into thinking one day you might actually fall for me, if I could prove to you what a nice boyfriend I could be...” He glanced at your distressed expression.

“Look, it’s okay. Don’t put yourself down like that. I just...I wanna know why.”

“Well,-”

“Is it because you love him?”

Your eyes widened as you sat up, facing him. “Um, who-”

He shook his head, chuckling. “I should have seen it coming. You know who I’m talking about. Now, tell me. It’s the least you can do.”

You gulped, nodding after a moment’s thought.

“Hmm. Knew it.” He stood up, grabbing his laptop and glancing back at you. 

“I’ll leave, then. I don’t mind staying friends, though.”

“Yeah, I don’t, either.”

He smiled, walking out of your room and to the front door. He passed Minho sprawled out on the couch, glassy stare directed at the Tv that was playing a random infomercial on repeat.

“Hey, bro?”

Minho ignored him.

Juyeon let out a wry laugh. “You don’t know what you’re doing.”

Minho sighed, tearing his eyes away from the screen. “What do you want?” He snapped.

“Nothing, I just wanted to say you’re an idiot.”

“Ah well, I kinda knew that.”

“No, seriously. You don’t know how lucky you are.”

Minho frowned up at him. “What do you mean?”

He shook his head, making his way to the front door, turning around as he opened it. 

“I’m just saying...seize the opportunity when you have it. You never know when you might lose it.”

“What the fuck are you going on about, dude?”

Juyeon rolled his eyes, flipping him off before leaving.

Minho watched him go, frowning as he glanced at your still shut door. Why’d he leave as soon as he came in?

He wondered if he should check on you. It was probably a bad idea, considering the way you’d blown up at him earlier...

He stood up, going to your door and raising his hand to knock, hesitating. He could hear soft sniffling sounds coming from inside that made his heart break. But seeing him might just hurt you even more...

He sighed, dropping his hand. At the end of the day, he was just a coward. 

He went to his room, sitting down at the table and grabbing a piece of paper. If it was so hard to say those words, maybe he could just write them?

He wrote a small paragraph, before shaking his head and crumpling it up into a ball, throwing it on the floor. About half an hour passed by, and he’d made no progress except for increasing the pile of paper balls on the floor.

He threw his head back, groaning. How do people even do this...

You’ve never had problems like this before. Why are you being such a pussy now, when it really matters?

He chuckled, rubbing his forehead and sneering at the voice in his head.

It isn’t that easy. What if I lose her when I do confess? What if she freaks out, pushes me away completely? I can’t afford to lose her.

Well, if you continue being an asshole like this, you truly will lose her.

He made a sound of frustration, slapping his head as he got out of his chair, thinking about what Juyeon had told him. 

Did it mean what he think he did?

He didn’t want to get his hopes up. He paced the room, running his hands through his hair and trying to figure out what to do. 

If he confessed to you now, it would definitely fall flat. He needed to do something that made it clear that he meant what he said. That he wasn’t joking around, that he was serious. He’d never been so serious in his life, in fact.

There was a possibility he would lose you after this...and the existence of it frightened him. But if being away from him was best for you...he’d gladly stay away.

He opened the door to his room, making sure your door was still closed before dialling Chan for help to set his plan up, leaving the apartment. 

[angelrunners]

THIS TOOK FUCKING FOREVER. Oh my god ive been swooning over him so much and after grinding so much and suffering migraine hell. I HAVE HIMMMMM!!!

Had to suffer so much. Then fight to rack milage points to get him. The biggest chest selector is useless lately. Hhhh. I love him.

[hideur-pickle-jars]

Bonfires for the fall asks!

 Tell us your favorite story:

 (it’s a bit of a mouthful, so I chunked it up to make it a bit easier to read for some)

Hmm okay so there’s this book I have called We Are The Ants. It’s a story where this boy (Henry) has a deadline to save the world from being destroyed by who knows what (he’s never told what could destroy it, he just knows that the world is gonna die). And he’s conflicted over what to do because he’s jaded about his own life as it is. Like, his boyfriend took his life, his died left when he was young and he feels like it’s his fault, and his family is just a bit dysfunctional. So he’s sort of just like “why the fuck not? might as well let the world rot”

 But would you believe he meets a boy that’s new in town who’s all about living life to the fullest? His name’s Diego and he’s the type of artist that throws up both middle fingers to morality and screams “I’m gonna live forever” into the wind. Eventually Henry develops some feelings for him, and he’s considering to save the world, but there’s still a lot of internal conflict that’s going on with him, along with dealing with problems at school and at home.

 And throughout the book there’s different (and pretty realistic) scenarios of how the world is obliterated. It’s all pretty emotional and, in my opinion, a huge “oh my god, I’m moved, but what the fuck?” (especially the ending like hhhh it still upsets me to this day)  It’s a lot, and even from the beginning the book lets you know, “Hey...you better buckle in, ‘cause you’ve got yourself on a serious roller coaster.” 

I know this isn’t really the best way to “tell a story” but it’s the best I can do! I don’t really wanna tell it bit by bit (not just because it’s a lot) but because I don’t wanna spoil it for anybody who might actually decide to give it a read. And for anyone who does, I just wanna remind you that there’s mentions of suicide and sexual assault, so readers discretion! All in all it’s an amazing book by a swag author, I’d recommend it to anyone who has a lil’ ~thing~ for space 

[cyro-starfire]

HHHH PISS-

This took me forever oh my fucking god -

But yeah

my friend @msangelsblog has an epic idea for a FNAF mafia AU and it's called tainted society, it's inspired off of "sooner or later your gonna be mine" but what happens in this AU is completely different, so please don't get that mixed up, I thought this Au would be interesting so I decided to make Refs for the main gang of the Au: The Madtimes! I'll do more refs in the future don't worry, and me and her will post ALOT more info on the Au soon!

[tobythetrashytrash]

anyways. been talking to an IRL today, sort of catching up, and we remembered a bunch of dumb shit we used to do like:

when studying for a disection for a biology class we met up at a panera to work on our biomed final so we decided to watch the video instructions for the disection,, in a restruant,, with people obviously being able to see our screen-

we made a shared wattpad account that was supposed to be purely cursed content,, we also favorited a few cursed fics,, for example one of the fics we made as a "spongebob x mr. clean" fic titled "Clean Floors" --- the fic has been deleted but i still have the cover art (acc also is still up to):

for biomedical we had to make a children's book explaining the role of blood for our final, and i designed the characters so here's Luke who is a leukocyte (aka a white blood cell) + prototype designs:

was working on some fanart (still and forever a wip) in class and she took over my phone and made it uh,, questionable,,, to put it simply because she didn't know the characters and their relationship so hhhh,,, still kinda funny tho cuz she purposely made the art bad lol

we planned out a bunch of comics and stuff that we were gonna publish but never did on here, the acc was @dumbpigcomics-blog or @/dpcsplashofink on other socials. "Morgan" and i no longer have the comics and/or they are lost-

there are over 500+ texts between us that were just us talking shit about a couple at school because the girl was toxic af (the shit talk was mostly on her and ngl sje really fucking sucked) and ofc the drama afterwards (its a hella long and dumb story oki-)

we still currently have a deal in regards to memes; she gets memes about the black death/plague from me and i get history memes in return

me being a third wheel most of the time in physics and legit any class I shared with her-

[gaming-thoughts-by-an-idiot]

Fallout 3: DLC The pitt

• Werner: " we have to keep moving, there's no time!" Also Werner: *moves slower than a slug*

• "If u dress up as a slave" sure, sounds like some weird foreplay but ok

• Wait wait wait, was I supposed to leave my weapons?????

• I swear to god, if they take my weapons...

• Ok dude, where am I supposed to go?

• Dude what the fuxk??? Where am I going????

• Am I supposed to go over the bridge??

• Ok srly, if they take my weapons...

• Hhhh should I go back and just dump my weapons off????

• Ok ok, taking out mines... dogs... NOT NICE DOGS

• AUGH THEY TOOK MY SHIT NONO WE'RE GOING BACK

• OK LETS GO, FUCK YOU

• Ok dump off all my stuff.... get a haircut....

• Ok he looks cool now

• Let's get this shit back on the road!

• Yay... here we go again

• HE FUCKING STOPPED, I WAS AT THE GATE ARE YOU FUCKING you know what it's fine its whatever

• Why does he have a eye patch, is it like Gage? Decoration?

• ... I miss Gage ;-; my baby, my raider baby, ;;-;;

• I wish I could run in this game, that would be swell

• Save statiooonsss, gotta love mah stationnnns

• Like... does these dogs belong to the Pitt slavers or?

• God, I'm collecting the mines

• Omnomnom human

• Helloooo daddy

• Oh nevermind, he was prettier on a distance

• Trogs?

• I feel so naked

• But I see now I wouldnt have lost them forever, they're just in a safe

• Also, have I played this before???? Achievements say yes, memory no...

• The more I talk to the slavers, the more I miss my nukaworld raiders... I'm having Gage withdrawal

• Deleted like... 20 levels worth of saves...

• Pfff, a slaver was like "talk you piece of shit" and kicked a slave as if he was a toddler... and then he shot all three, but lol

• Here we are, many slavers around... watching and what do I do? Steal, I loot, I'm in rags but nono let me loot

• Ooooh trogs r food.. ok ok

• ... oh wait... no... is trogs like.. ghouls????

• I'm playing on very easy so yeah, it's fine I guess

• "I hope you said goodbye YAGAGAHAGAHAH" - raider slaver

• Me, smiling at the laughter: lol

• Raider slaver: wtf are you smiling about?

• Me: *sweating gif meme*

• Midea: lately the boss have been bringing slaves from all over...

• Me, knowing it's me who enslaved the new slaves: *sweats in stress*

• Man, it would be so funny if I could meet everyone I enslaved

• Wonder if I can do like a "bad" choice here

• Marco: hey not so loud

• Also marco: IM MAKING WEAPONS DONT TELL ANYONE

• Me: ... ok

• Everett? Had a boyfriend in XoXo droplets called that

• Well it's time

• AAAA I REMEMBER THIS PLACE NOW OMG I HATE THIS PLACE AHAHA

• FUCK

• Fuck, I almost pissed myself, fucking weird gollum fuck

• Omg the wild men people are just raiders... I keep thinking "oh god it must be horrible", and it probably is... but I'm playing on very easy cuz I'm here to chill, I've already played on normal twice maybe three times.

• Oh my god, gave me such a fright

• Fucking gollums

• I'm just grabbing as much as I can, cuz I like exploring

• Ehehe lockpicking and computer at 100, nothing can stop me

• Game: bring us 10 ingnots

• Me, a dumb bich: did you say "all of them"?

• Wow, he just ignored my skills

• I can just keep giving him ignots lol

• I found wild billy, but I told milly hes alive and well, oh well, 100 in speech bro

• I WANNA BETRAY THEM ALL AHAHAHHAHAHHA

• he better be pretty

• .... I miss Gage

• Like, what do they even do with all the steel?

• He sounds like hes worshipping steel

• Asur: blahblahblah

• Me: whatever

• Omg the song butcher Pete, would be perfect here

• Radio doesnt work here ;-;

• Some of them are like born here. Do they make the kids work too?

• Let's do this!!!

• AAAAAAA

• That was easy

• I love this weird ripper, I walk up to them and woosh dead

• I've won :)

• I got lost, but I found like five nuka colas so im ok

• I'm so daft.... the door was there all along

• I accidentally stole something fuck

• It's so funny cuz like, they're talking like they're soooo badass... but I know they would cry if they met the disciples, my precious psychopaths ♡

• Woooow that's a biiig house, omgggg a big statueeee, I wonder if hes like, insecure about something

• I slapped a raider in the face with a book

• I'm here to be evil, not to be nice

• It's a crib in here??? Awwww

• ;w; this is precious

• BABIES

• hes legit, Moriarty

• IT SAID I COULD BASICALLY SAY "YOINK" AND STEAL THE BABY OMG

• It's a baby

• Its making baby noises

• ... not stealing it

• Her, the baby

• Bye baby

• Let's talk with mindea

• Gheez, shes like angry cuz I betrayed her heh

• HAHA

• "WE JUST NEEDED TO KIDDNAP HER FOR OUR FREEDOM" OK

• Fuck, I'm lost again

• Oh... I... I can fast travel...

• Yay, steelyard woo

• I have the feeling I'm going the wrong way

• Ok I found the way

• How the fuck do i get up there

• !!ahh??? Theres a door!!! Have there always been a door????

• It's the final count down Wabababaa wbababababaaa

• You shit man

• "Leave now, and never come back" I getting some lion king flashbacks

• Me: you can go

• Him: fine asshole

• Me, pulling up my weapon, vats locked: :)

• Ehehehe murder

• Fast travel eyy

• Are we done yet

• Why dont they know who I ammmmmm

• Jesus, he scared me, ran up to me, jesus christ

• Pfff "you got some cure, just dont think about what it may have cost others" lol are you trying to guilt trip me?

• He was in the brotherhood and hes angy

• Cool, I can give toys to the baby, that's cute!

• The baby is ugly

• Finally I can leave