#this took two months while working 11 hours everyday

[waterrywaterryy]

Mayflies

:3

[crushedsweets]

Do you have any headcanons of Lyra and Toby’s relationship?

this has been in my inbox for like over a week by now because this is a big task in my head. i will focus more on the family itself, but obviously the siblings r there.

ROGERS FAMILY HCS UNDER THE CUT... tw for abuse and addiction, of course

ok. WE'RE GETTING PERSONAL HERE. im the eldest daughter of 3 so the way in which i project into older siblings is insane. ive also had an addict father(no where near like frank though let me clarify) so in general . . the story.. makes me feel very...... basically their relationship is very personal to me.

lyra is about 2-3 years older than toby.

frank's dad was in the vietnam war, his grandparents were in wwii, his grandparents in wwi, etc. so he went into military service right after marrying connie. for a long while, he was SUPER military strict. those kids were up, made their bed, and down for chores by 6am everyday. he made them do military time rather than civilian time. he was incredibly traditional, expected a perfectly clean household, a polite soft daughter, a strong bold son, perfect wife. he wanted the 1950s nuclear family model. so toby and lyra grew up in a very clean, strict, traditional household.

in my au, frank wasnt outright abusive until the kids were around 8-11. it was after he developed his addictions and lost his job. the kids really didnt understand what was changing at first, and legitimately were like 'omg dad isnt making us wake up at 5am everyday..... this is so cool'.

theyd start having sleepovers in eachothers room, slacking a bit on chores, going to sleep late, sleeping in. toby didnt develop his tourettes until he was around 7, so lyra and toby would walk home from their elementary school together. sometimes, theyd walk another friend home first, stop at convenience stores to get candy, pet a cat, etc. frank didnt say a thing for the first few months, just drunken grumbles along connies worried 'WHERE HAVE U BEEN'. if they weren't walking around the area, they were in the backyard playing soccer.

eventually the abuse began, and all of those little freedoms were quickly stripped from the kids.

toby developing tourrettes around this time was a painful coincidence, because not only did he experience abuse at home, but awful bullying at school. he was promptly pulled out after completing 3rd grade. he was only 8.

lyra would practically run home from school everyday, as fast as a 12 year old girl with a backpack could manage, just because she spent all 7 hours in school worrying about toby at home. connie had to start working to pay bills, so..

when toby was around 11 and lyra was around 13, toby started kinda just. being more distant. he was kind of a dick to lyra for a period of time, half because of everything he was going through, half because puberty is rough. his room started getting messy, lyra had to start picking up chores he was slacking on , etc. lyra isnt perfect and began to resent toby for this, and eventually, the two were kinda at eachothers throats for like 6 months. which isnt a lot, but for kids, its an eternity.

when franks abuse evolved from ''just'' verbal abuse, to shoves, to slaps, to full on beatings, toby started egging frank on. just to get him off of lyra and connie. obviously he couldnt feel it, and while it sure took a fucking mental toll, it was so much easier to just wait it out rather than listen to the girls cry.

lyra didnt even realize toby was doing this for a while, she just thought it was all part of him going through his little hormonal asshole phase, until one day frank made a fucked up comment about 'youre lucky that boy is always causing trouble. was supposed to be you'. then it kinda clicked and she very quickly tried to fix their relationship back to what it was.

frank eventually scared connie so badly that there'd be periods of time where she'd take the kids in the middle of the night, and run off to either her parents place, or even a random hotel in another city. she'd use cash, force the kids to keep their phones at home, leave literally everything behind and often make the kids pick out new toothbrushes at a random walmart. etc. it would only last a few days each time, and lyra fought so hard to stay strong while her mom cried and toby closed himself off.

she'd try to get toby to come to the hotel pools with her, try to get him to watch tv with her, try to get him to just fucking talk to her. he was often catatonic during these little runaways, once the confusion adrenaline and fear wore off

it wasnt until they went around a month without seeing their father, and frank had some weird fucking. 'those are MY kids too' thing and went to connie's parents house while all the adults were out, and forced the kids back home. this was the first time lyra was full on sobbing and begging and pleading in years. that was what shifted something in toby, too.

now tobys 13, lyras 15, and theyre on better footing. theyre starting to understand eachother. tobys back on keeping up with chores, knowing that either him lyra or connie was going to get beat if they were missed. sometimes he'd just silently come into lyras room and lay down and watch tv with her. they'd talk about books, about school, their trust was built right back up and toby ended up being the first to know about lyras school drama, gossip, boys, etc.

toby wasn't really socialized properly, since he's been homeschooled for 6 years by now. all the time, he'd hear lyras stories, and wish he could go to school. his mom would be horrified anytime toby asked, because all she could remember was her sweet boy coming home and crying into her arms after a day of being mocked and pushed around by peers.

so he began to live through lyra, in a sense ? he almost became a diary for lyra, and he kinda loved it. she was like a sitcom to him.

frank wasnt a good father by any means during this period, he was still awful, but he wasn't constantly looking for trouble. the kids kept to themselves, connie did everything she was expected to, he didnt give a shit about their grades or social lives. he couldn't even recgonize when lyra was coming home late.

lyra got her license the second she turned 16. the house had two cars, and its not like frank was ever going anywhere, so she was always going everywhere. she adored the freedom, and took toby wherever he'd let her. he only really left the house if he was going grocery shopping with his mom or something, so it was kinda weird now that he was just. going to malls. going to restaurants. going to parks. just Hanging Out. every now and again he'd stick around when Lyra was with her friends, but he didn't like them so it was rare.

sometimes theyd just drive together for a long time. at night, she was the one to take him to every hospital visit, she even got him to volunteer at a pet shelter she worked at for a bit. 3 years and they become so close again, and lyra is tobys best friend. she's his entire world because who else does he have ? he loves his mom, but she's married to the man he hates more than anything

toby was 16 and lyra was 18 when frank strangled toby till he passed out. thats finally when connie kicked frank out, forcing frank to go live on his moms couch. lyra was mortified and started spending an absurd amount of time with toby. she took online community college courses just so she could spend even more time with toby, and it didnt hurt to do so since frank wasnt there anymore. things were getting better for the family, frank was gone, lyra was in college, connie was working, toby was volunteering at shelters and even had a few acquaintances he'd talk to now and again.

lyra picked toby up from the shelter he volunteered at when the accident happened.

lyra and connie had matching silver necklaces with a circle pendant that had their initials. toby didnt cuz frank would get pissed if toby tried wearing jewelry, but when lyra died, toby immediately clung to it. he wears it religiously. the only time he takes it off is if he knows he's going to kill someone that day. otherwise, its always on him.

lyra died and was buried in colorado. toby lives in alabama now. so he really doesnt visit her grave often. only on her birthday, he'll scramble together some money and get brian, tim, and kate to agree to cover his uh. 'shifts' with slenderman, and take a few loooonnnggg train rides over to colorado.

he'll leave two bouquets of flowers. one for lyra, one for connie.

connie just feels in her heart that its toby. she has no reason to believe it, they've never bumped into eachother (toby's visiting at like 2am and falls asleep near the grave for a few hours), but she knows nobody else whos visiting lyras grave and leaving two sets of the same flowers.

toby and lyras childhood home was put on sale shortly after it was reconstructed from the fire, and connie moved in with her sister. lyras bedroom door was the only one that was shut and left unscathed after the fire (legitimately keep your doors shut if you ever have a housefire it can save entire bedrooms and even lives). the rest of the house was ruined, but not lyras room. connie kept every single one of her belongings, but she's put some photos out on the grave. tobys taken them, and connie believes it was him. again, she has no reason to believe it other than the flowers and 'why would someone take a photo of my dead daughter.'

anyway hi. in tears. i love them. sorry. i just retell their story over and over and get sad everytime

[starsandink13]

The White Crow Game Chapter 1

It was another regular and awful day in your life. Your feet ached to the point where you could barely feel them from another grueling 11-hour shift at a 24/7 diner. It was located in a sketchy part of town that was infamous for its high crime rates. During your shift, you had to put up with loud drunkards as they slurred their orders, leers from the regulars as they try to 'subtly' implied for 'other services' when you were off the clock, and constantly on edge for a fight to break out at any moment.

You groaned as you opened the door to your dingy apartment. It was far from what anyone would consider 'home sweet home', with only cheap furniture that broke down even under the slightest of weights, the permanent and faint smell of mildew and mothballs in the air, and a few flimsy posters to cover up the cracks that spiderwebbed up the walls. No matter how much you tried to clean it up, the place would almost immediately revert to a filthy hellhole followed by a rat or mold infestation a few days later. You winced as you heard your neighbors, a couple that was made up two junkies, above you screamed over who would get the last of their heroin.

You shook your head as you took off your leather jacket and ran a hand through your straggled hair. You glanced at the microwave's clock that read 12:45 AM in a bright sickly green and flipped the light switch next to you.  The light bulb flickered for a moment before it illuminated the living room in a harsh, bland cool white: making the space look all the more depressing and lifeless. Sitting on your scratched table, was a large pile of half-finished schoolwork that seemed to sneer at you, reminding you that they were due within only a few days.

Suppressing the groan in your throat, you dropped your bag and rushed to finish your assignments. The textbooks' words swam in your tired eyes and through your exhaustion, you could barely focus on the paper in front of you. Your hand shook as you wrote notes, making your handwriting illegible to even yourself. Throughout the long early morning hours, you fought against your exhaustion as you tried to finish the last of your workload, knowing that at best you would get a barely passing grade when you turned them in to your professors.

As you finished your final assignment, you noticed a black journal with gold stars on the cover sitting in the corner of the table. It was your writing journal, one that you haven't touched in well over a month and left all alone to be forgotten. The ideas, plotting, and excerpts of stories that will never be told. 

With a cry, you threw your head in your hands and groaned. Tears started to roll down your face as you violently trembled.

It was like this almost everyday for the last several months. You sacrificed your hobbies social life just to work long hours at your dead-end job with no other source of income. You had to up with seedy customers, horrible co-workers, your witch of a boss, and the occasional fight. All while trying to keep a neutral face only to barely make enough money to afford this hellhole that was also populated with the same kinds of people you put up at work and constantly staring down dropping out of college in the eye. But worst of all, you had to put aside your dreams of becoming published just to scarcely keep your head above. Month after month, more of your mental fortitude was starting to wear down and you wondered if all of your effort was worth it if all you could do was barely get by in every aspect of your life.

"I don't want to put up with this anymore!" You choked out. "I'll give up anything just so my life to be a little bit better!"

You slumped down into the table, barely registering the impact. Your eyes blurred from tears and exhaustion, turning the world around you in a swirling fog of colors and shapes. You succumbed to your fatigue and closed your eyes as you slowly drifted away into a dreamless sleep.

---

A year later....

Your fortune has completely reversed. Instead of being barely scraping by no matter how hard you've struggled, you were now enjoying the complete opposite. Now you were living in a decent apartment in a nice part of town that was within walking distance of college, your grades only consisted of strong As and Bs, and you had landed the paid internship of your dreams at a major publishing house as you learned the ins-and-outs of the trade. It was as if you were living in a fairytale.

At first, you didn't think too much of it. After all, anything was better than barely getting by and living in a mold and rat infested apartment that you could barely afford and struggling to keep up with class while working long hours for less than minimum wage. But as the initial shock and joy wore off, you were starting to get the inkling that something wasn't quite right about this sudden change. You don't remember doing anything to improve your living conditions. You didn't fill out any applications to the internship, you didn't find more time to dedicate for studying, nor made a payment towards the new apartment.

It was just that one day you got a phone call with an editor at the publishing house, asking if you would like an internship with them and you accepted. The next day, you turned in your two-week notice to your former boss and quickly scrounged up enough money to move out into a better apartment despite working shorter hours now. 

Oh well, life has its random chances like that. You shrugged it off, yet that feeling of unease still remained in the back of your mind.

Yellow sunlight streamed through the gaps in your blinds and into your eyes. With a groan, you turned on your side and felt paper underneath your fingertips. You jolted upwards to a strange note on your nightstand that read: Your debt is due by the end of today.

You ripped the note off of the nightstand, flipping it both sides to see if there was anything else on it. Be it a signature or anything else, but after reading it all over again on both sides, you found nothing else.

You looked at the calendar hanging on your wall to see that in bright red marker, you had circled today with the words: RENT DUE written in red ink as well.

"Guess I wrote this last night as a reminder," you shook your head as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes before starting your day.

---

The day flew by in a blur without anymore notes regarding debts nor any other unusual activity. As you were going editing the document your boss assigned you, Anya, a fellow intern gently knocked on your cubicle wall.

"Hey what's up?" You turned around.

"I'm gonna head out, can you close up the office when you leave?"  She asked and undid the tight bun in her hair.

"Yeah. I'm gonna be here for like one or two more hours," you nodded.

"Great. Have a good one."

"You too."

When she was out of view, you leaned out of your chair to see the window on the far end of the hall. The sun was beginning to sink into the horizon: turning the sky into shades of purples, oranges, and pinks as elongated shadows were cast across the ground.

"It's starting to get late. I better finish this up soon," you muttered to yourself and brushed a strand of (H/C) behind your ear. As you typed in your notes regarding an awkward phrasing in the document, you heard a muffled bang! coming from the end of the hallway.

"Anya?" You called out, "I thought you clocked out already."

Silence.

It's probably the custodial staff then. You disregarded and sat back down, trying to get back to your train of thought. Just as you were about finish up another comment regarding your edit, another and louder bang! echoed outside. Annoyed, you got out of your seat and stepped out of your cubicle.

"Some of us are still here working, can you please try to keep it down?" You asked, trying keep the  growing annoyance out of your voice.

Once again, silence.

"I hope they heard me this time," you grumbled and went back to editing.

Not a minute has passed when a third bang! startled you out of your seat. You clenched your eyes in annoyance and shot out of your seat.

"I swear I'm going to flip," you growled and stormed over a few more feet into the hallway.

"Listen! Some of us are trying to get some work done! Can you please keep it down?"

You were replied with an overwhelming deafening silence. For several seconds you stood there, before turning around. Before you could get five steps in, the florescent light above you went off, plunging the office space into darkness for a few seconds followed by a quiet laughter coming from somewhere in the distance. 

W-what the hell? 

You swallowed thickly and called out again: "Listen Anya, or whoever is out there, this little prank of yours isn't funny. I'm trying to get my work done, so stop distracting me and leave me alone!"

Once more you were met again with an uncomfortable silence, the only thing you could hear was the slow and steady pounding of your heart. You shook your head and went back to your desk. As you finished the last of your edits the sound of someone whispering came from the end of the hallway.

Sucking in a deep breath, you saved your work, emailed it to your boss, and logged off. You put on your leather jacket and grabbed your weathered leather messenger bag. You stormed over to the end of the hallway and looked out to see nothing. However, you rolled your eyes and took a step out into the main corridor.

"The gig's up already," your voice was heavy with annoyance. "Your stupid prank to scare me isn't working. Now leave me alone."

The whispering laughter became louder and distorted. High-pitched and mechanical yet childish as well. The lights above you flickered violently and you yelped as they went out, leaving you in an abyss of black.

You stood still in shock at what had happened. Your pounding heart drummed in your ears as you looked at the black outlines of cubicles and desks that surrounded you, looking for who or what was the source of this. You stiffened as you heard the distant sound of footsteps heading towards your direction.

Panic took over and you ran towards the exit. In the darkness, the hallways seemed longer and twisted violently. Sweat rolled down your face as the footsteps came closer.

Just gotta find an exit! Come on! Where is it!?

You screamed as something crashed in front of you-- blocking your path. Nearly tripping over yourself, you took a sharp right. The hallways stretched on for far longer than you remembered. Each second felt like an eternity as you ran faster through the dark and narrow corridors. Your lungs felt like you had swallowed pins and your knees threatened to give out from exhaustion.

God no! Come on! Where's that exit!?

The footsteps drew near in all directions alongside that horrible, chittering laughter. You spun around wildly like a marionette. In a split second, you rushed down the hall and into the nearest room. You slammed the door shut. Even in the darkness, you knew that you were in the bathroom due to the glinting coming from the mirror on the left. As quietly as possible, you went over to the last stall and locked it. You huddled yourself in the corner and held your breath.

The footsteps came towards the bathroom. You heard the door groan open as your stalker walked inside, their shoes clacking against the tiles like bones. You dared not to breathe as they came closer and opened each stall slowly. You felt tears starting to form in your eyes, realizing that had sealed your doom.

No, no, no! Please no!

As they opened the last stall before yours, they turned around and left the bathroom. You stood still for several minutes in shock.

D-did they not see this stall? Is this an ambush?

You slowly got out of your position and quietly approached the stall's door. You stood still for several seconds, waiting and listening for any more footsteps. You unlocked the door and quietly walked towards the bathroom door. As your hand reached for the handle, you felt a hand on your shoulder.

The world around you started to twist and fracture. The dark bathroom turned into a blur of blacks as the laughter surrounded you. You collapsed onto the ground as your vision started to slowly fade.

The last thing you heard before you blacked out was:

"It's time to repay your debt."

[sturnstvs]

eras tour - matt sturniolo

summary: matt takes his best friend to the eras tour but maybe a specific song will bring out their true feelings for each other

warnings: use of y/n

requested: no

note: this is part 2 to birthday surprise

after waiting some long months, it was finally may meaning that it was also finally eras tour month. matt was glad that it was finally here so y/n would stop talking about it. he loved his best friend however hearing her talk about a concert 24/7 can be exhausting. it also didn't help that y/n lived with them to, so he couldn't escape it.

y/n decided she wanted to go all out, I mean everyone was. she started making friendship bracelets and planning her and matt's outfits as soon as she got those tickets. she was making bracelets almost everyday, she probably had almost 100, which matt thought was ridiculous but she kept saying that this was important as she was doing it for the "girlhood" part of it. so matt let her. he didn't want to ruin the girls happiness.

it was now may 4th and matt and y/n were on their way to the airport after saying their goodbyes to nick and chris, which took longer then y/n would like. (matt loves his brothers what did you expect?) once they got to the airport they put their bags and such through luggage claim and about a half an hour later they got onto the plane.

(I'm kinda making this up Idk how airports irl work)

the plane ride wasn't too long which matt and y/n were grateful for. they got off the plane quickly grabbing their luggage before getting an uber. after their uber came they got to the hotel not long after.

it was around 7:30 when they finally got to the hotel, so the two were quite hungry as they haven't eaten yet, but y/n and matt thought it would be a good idea to get some dinner and enjoy being in nashville for more then just a concert.

after dinner y/n and matt got back into their hotel laughing at a funny story they heard on the way back from dinner.

"we are so going to have to tell nick that story" y/n giggled

"oh trust me he will definitely want to here that" matt agreed.

"I'm a bit tired I'm going to go get ready for bed" y/n told matt shortly after their laughter had died down

"already? but its only like 10" matt voiced

"yes, I'm very much aware but we have a long day tomorrow" y/n reminded him coming out of the bathroom for a moment still washing her face

"were just going sight seeing and to a concert" matt told her confused

"yeah, a three and a half hour concert, plus we need to wake up early enough to go sight seeing then get back to the hotel to get ready. and we need to leave at like 4:30 to get an uber to get to the venue, and hopefully get merch and watch the openers, which I love gracie by the way so we are not missing that, then her actual concert starts at 8 and we will leave around midnight, so yes matthew we will have a busy day tomorrow, so get some sleep" y/n exclaimed while finishing washing her face, while matt just stood there with a shocked face

"wow, I didn't realize this is going to be literally a whole day" matt voiced

"yeah it is, now let me finish getting ready" y/n finished before shutting the bathroom door

by the time both matt and y/n were done getting ready for bed and in bed it was around 11:30. the two were sharing a bed because they thought it would be better sense there's only two of them, and they slept in each other's bed's all the time anyway.

the next day they woke up at around 7 in the morning to get breakfast. it was wired for matt, he was so used to not sleeping until like 4 or 5 and walking up at like two, but unfortunately they had things to do.

the two ate their breakfast quickly before getting dressed for sight seeing. they toured nashville and the good tourist attractions and had quite a lot of fun. they took pictures and videos to show chris and nick later.

around 2 y/n told them they should leave which matt agreed with. for y/n 2 was already pushing it. the got back to the hotel around 2:30 and y/n was quick to start getting ready.

the girl was in the middle of curling her hair when she threw matt's outfits at him

"what the fuck is this?" matt asked

"your outfit for the concert" y/n shrugged

matt just rolled his eyes in response going to put on his outfit.

y/n finished curling her hair and putting it in a ponytail with a purple bow in it. after her hair was done she did her makeup. which was her simple base with false eyelashes and glitter eye shadow. after her makeup, she quickly went to grab her purple dress in her suitcase before seeing matt sitting on the bed on his phone waiting for her.

"well don't you look handsome" y/n teased slightly meaning it

matt froze hearing y/n's beautiful voice.

"oh thank you" matt responded with a smile

matt was wearing a purple button up with some khaki pants. y/n thought it was simple but good enough for matt.

grabbing her purple dress she put it on quickly as it was already nearing 4. after that she only had a few more things for her and matt.

grabbing nail polish and eyeliner she wrote a thirteen on her and matt's hand. after, she grabbed her sharpie and wrote some lyrics on her arm. if you couldn't already tell speak now was the album y/n was going for.

grabbing her bag of friendship bracelets and her and matt's clear bag to take into the arena they were headed out of the door.

matt and y/n took an uber to the stadium (which took a little longer because of traffic) getting out of the uber they started walking to get in line, well matt waited in line while y/n went to go get some merch from the stand. matt got into the stadium quite quickly and he couldn't help but be impressed by first, the amount of people that were already there and by how big the stage actually was.

y/n got to matt soon after holding merch and having bracelets now all over her arms. y/n had gotten stopped a few times to trade bracelet's with some people that knew her from the internet.

they went through the openers quicky and matt could tell y/n was already having so much fun. once it hit 8 taylor came on stage and the concert started. y/n tried explaining to matt a little bit about everything in the car and showed him a little bit during the concert as well, but she was having too much fun to really show him.

once the end notes to bad blood played y/n started screaming louder knowing that the next set was the surprise songs.

taylor got to the microphone and the whole stadium was cheating excited for what song she was going to play.

"um so I've been planning something for a while, and um you know how I love to plan things, and then you know how I love to surprise you with the things I've been planing, its like, its just something, its my love language with you, you know, I plot, I scheme, I plan and then I get to tell you about it. so, I think rather than me like speaking about it um..." the crowd cheered louder thinking about what she might do while taylor just stood there and let them scream, giggling every once and a while.

y/n started tearing up. if this was what she thought it was, then she couldn't be happier. some people would say she was overreacting but this meant more to her then anyone could imagine.

"I thought I would just show you, so if you would direct your attention to the back big screen, that we have" and with that the words speak now taylor's version available july 7th showed up on the scream and y/n started shouting and bursting into tears. matt was a bit confused but cheered anyway considering this was important. he also filmed y/n's reaction the whole time, going to tease her about it later and probably post it to tiktok to, with y/n's permission of course.

everyone continued cheering, once the cheering slowed down taylor stared singing her first surprise song of the night but not before saying

"speak now comes out July 7th"

as the first words to sparks fly came out of her mouth y/n and matt looked at each other in shock.

this was their song.

"oh my fucking god! this is our song" y/n screamed at matt trying to slow down her tears of joy.

as the song continued matt couldn't help but think maybe this was his chance. his chance to tell y/n how he feels.

"y/n I think this might be the perfect time to say this and If I don't say this right now I might not ever get the courage again. I like you a lot y/n...no scratch that I love you like really love you as more then a friend, and I know you probably don't feel the same way but I needed you to know that" matt confessed while y/n had more tears in her eyes. her makeup was definitely off for the night

putting her arms around matt's neck as the song came to a close y/n smiled.

"I love you as more then a friend to matt" y/n muttered and sealed their lips together with a kiss. a kiss that spoke more words then actual words ever could.

matt and y/n enjoyed the rest of their night together, with a newfound sense of comfort in both of their hearts. man did they have a lot to tell nick and chris about

as they were leaving the stadium once the lights were turned on y/n was checking her phone and saw that someone air dropped a video to her. curiously y/n clicked on the video confused at what it could be.

it was a video of her and matt's whole reaction to sparks fly and their confession. soon after y/n felt a tap on her shoulder.

"you guys are so cute! you 100% deserved that tonight and congratulations" the stranger who took the video said.

y/n thanked the girl before she asked for a picture of her and herself to commemorate the night which she agreed to.

matt never thought that some silly tickets he thought would be a nice gesture for y/n would turn into a full on love confession between them and he couldn't be happier

note: this is not always going to be this taylor swift heavy but I thought it was cute 😊

if you want to be on my taglist comment on that post. you can find it on my pinned post

[transitioningpirate]

today - 03/11 - dates exactly one month since i've started t!!!!! i'm so happy and honestly so pleased with everything. i had a bit of a bad month (got sick, had a bit of a falling out with someone and then i got sick again) but seeing the effects it's had on me already makes me honestly so happy. and thinking about what's to come makes me so much happier!! it's been a while since i realized i actually was feeling excited for the long term future. it's amazing.

here's some of the changes i noticed:

same as the last list - hunger and thirst have increased a lot. the doctor says it's because of my metabolism, it's much faster now. this is good but also bad because i keep forgetting to drink water. this is something that i've always struggled with. before this week, i've already ended up in a hospital because of dehydration like three times. anyways, i used to live in an island, very used to humidity, and this year, for college, i moved to a town that's, like, over an hour away from the nearest beach. it's very very dry. and like i said before, in november we were hit by a terrible heat wave, and it all piled up: fast metabolism, heat wave, dry place, me forgetting to drink water frequently, and you guessed it: i ended up at the hospital yesterday :(. had to take some pain meds and some saline, but im totally fine now, and ill make sure it doesn't happen again!

so much more energy. i know i said this already, but it's crazy, seriously, i have so much more energy just in general, for everything. it's amazing. ive been sleeping better, eating better, working harder, studying more, it's crazy. my mood has increased a lot, too, actually, especially after my second t shot.

irritability, but i think this has more to do with my personal life. a bit of tmi here: i was seeing someone until not long ago but some not-very-nice stuff happened, and i asked for a break (with no intention of returning, mind you, despite what he so confidently claimed) and immediately after realized i very likely had an sdt for the first time in my whole life. for the record, this is the only person ive slept with this whole year, basically. so. yeah, i was stressed, you can say that. spent a bit of money on meds, and im already feeling much much better, but it definitely took me down for a couple days, emotionally and physically, and i honestly think my irritability came from that, but maybe t had a hand on it too? who knows

two friends of mine claimed im growing a moustache, but i dont think so yet. i already had a very thin very small moustache before, and maybe it's getting a bit thicker? i haven't noticed it personally except in one (01) picture i took with a weird lightning. im not sure... but i like to think so! maybe it's just starting to get thicker and it'll actually grow eventually!

acne. i bought a soap for my face specifically, and i use it everyday, sometimes twice a day, so it's not as bad as it could be, but it's definitely present. mostly in my forehead and my chin. it's easily taken care of, though, and doesn't hurt and barely shows, so it's whatever

my voice has definitely gotten deeper! not significantly so, but it definitely has, it's noticeable, and i love it so much. i love listening my own voice. i love listening to myself talk. i love it, love it love it love it so much. i record so much more audios on wpp now, i like hearing them back, i like hearing myself!!!!! it's the best. ive never felt this way about my voice before. im so happyyyy <3<3

it's so hooooot god i feel hot almost all of the time, everywhere it's warm and i sweat sooooo much. doubled my deodorant use and i have no regrets. it's not a bad thing, but it is mildly inconvenient sometimes, ngl. living in this hot as all hell town definitely doesn't help. ive wore more light and freeing clothes and it actually helps a lot, though. plus, my baby cousin's birthday this month will be a pool party, so im hella excited for that!!!!!!

if i can think of anything else, ill add onto this. thank you so much :3

[survey--s]

520.

1 - When you wake up, do you get up straight away or do you lie around in bed for a while? It depends - on work days I get up when my alarm goes off, but at weekends I can easily lie there for 2-3 hours drinking coffee and messing about on my phone lol.

2 - Who was the last person you video-called with? Have you done this more often since COVID hit? My mum and yes, I suppose so. She’s the only person I ever really video call though. 

3 - How many times a week do you go out for food or drink? We get takeaway every week or so on average, but we don’t tend to go for meals much anymore as prices have skyrocketed recently.

4 - Do you prefer getting takeaway or actually sitting in a restaurant and eating your meal there? It depends on my mood. Sometimes I love a relaxing meal out with friends/family but other days it’s nice to just have food delivered lol.

5 - Where’s your favourite place to get takeaway coffee (or whatever your drink of choice is)? Starbucks in general, but we don’t have one near here so our local coffee place by the beach is really good. It’s expensive though.

6 - Do you tend to keep your phone on silent, vibrate or loud? Silent at night, loud during the day or I’d never hear it at work.

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them annoyed you? What happened? Archie earlier - we can’t break the habit of him barking for his meals and sometimes I wish he would just shut the hell up lol. I know it’s just excitement but he can be SO loud ha.

8 - When was the last time you went into a bookshop? Uh, about five months ago.

9 - What was the last thing you ordered off Amazon? A new dog-walking bag, some more candles for my wax burner and a replacement body spray as my current one is about to run out.

10 - When was the last time you took a dog out for a walk? Is this your own dog or did you borrow someone else’s? Friday - I walked my dog with a clients’ two dogs. 

11 - What jewellery do you have on at the moment? My wedding and engagement rings, as well as all my piercing jewellery - seven earrings and a nose stud.

12 - Do you have any products in your hair right now? What are they? Nope.

13 - Have you ever used a VPN to access foreign content online? Yeah, a few times. Only the free ones though.

14 - Who was the last artist you listened to? Is this someone you’re a fan of? Reba McIntyre and yeah, I like the vast majority of her songs.

15 - What was the last thing you had to drink? Pepsi Max.

16 - When was the last time you cooked something for the first time? Did it work out the way it was supposed to? I don’t remember, I’m not really a big cook as it feels like a lot of effort for not a huge amount of reward.

17 - Black cats are considered to be bad luck - is this a superstition that you’ve ever believed in? Ha no. We have three black cats and they’re the best - black or ginger cats are my favourites. I love them.

18 - Would you ever eat blue cheese or do you find the idea of eating mould to be pretty repulsive? I love blue cheese - it’s one of my favourites. 

19 - Do you visit the dentist every six months like you should? Normally I go once a year.

20 - How old were you when you first used the internet? Was it dial-up or did you have access to proper broadband? Uh, I was about 11 when we first got home internet - it was dial up and it was so, so painfully slow.

21 - Are you old enough to remember using floppy discs? Yeah, for sure.

22 - When was the last time you purchased an actual DVD or CD? I bought the Lord of the Rings extended edition DVD’s off eBay a couple of months ago. They were a bargain too.

23 - Do you shave? Which body parts and how often? Yeah, legs, pits and bits - generally everyday but less in winter sometimes.

24 - What’s your favourite season, and what are some of your favourite things about that season? Autumn - the changing colours, the frosty mornings and the cosy outfits.

25 - When was the last time you burned yourself? I can’t remember.

26 - Have you ever been the victim of a theft or robbery? What was stolen? Did the police ever catch the person who did it? Not personally, but my parents house was broken into once and the car stolen off their drive, as well as my mum’s handbag and her wallet. They found the car crashed into a wall after tracking the contactless payments made from the cards - the people involved were arrested and I think jailed.

27 - What was the last TV show you discovered that you really liked? What was it that got you to watch it in the first place? I can’t remember.

28 - Have you seen any of the live-action Disney remakes? Which one is your favourite? What about your least favourite? Yeah, I’ve seen all of them but I don’t think any of them were particularly great to be honest. I saw Peter Pan and Wendy on Friday and it was just a bit meh. Maleficent is probably the best and The Lion King is the worst.

29 - Do you have any exciting plans for tomorrow? If not, how are you planning to spend your day? I’m working tomorrow - I have a cat visit first thing, then three dog walks, then another cat visit in the evening. Otherwise I have no plans, just chilling at home I suppose.

30 - Would you ever keep a working dog as a pet? Do you think it’s fair to keep dogs like huskies in flats when it’s so different to their natural environments? I mean, we own a working breed (beagle) but he’s a show-strain and incredibly lazy. We didn’t walk him yesterday and all he did was sleep. I don’t think the home environment matters as much as how much exercise and stimulation you can give them. As long as dogs get enough exercise I don’t think they care whether they live in a flat or a mansion lol.

[purplesurveys]

1657

Most hated childhood nickname: I was fine with the handful of nicknames my family gave me. What I hate is being called Rob which for some reason many people I speak to for work have automatically decided to call me. I never even introduced myself as Rob???? I hate it so much :((

Age you were when you hit your current height: I was either 10 or 11. I had a massive growth spurt that also stopped nearly as soon as it started.

Speaking of height, how tall is your crush/sig other? I don’t have either.

Your first favorite color, and how old you were when you liked it: Purple. I was around 7; I liked it because it was my great-grandmother’s favorite and she had a lot of purple elements in her home.

Favorites

Favorite kind of cheese: Feta, brie, mozzarella.

Favorite TV show you love to hate: Glee, Game of Thrones, the last few seasons of The Big Bang Theory.

Favorite kind of hot beverage: Ooh I dislike hot beverages. I find it soooo uncomfortable to the throat and I don’t like how hot it’d feel in the stomach too. When I order hot chocolate or am stuck with hot coffee, I always wait for them to get lukewarm first hahaha.

Favorite chord (I’m a music major, I had to put this one in): I’m not, and have no idea what to name.

Favorite musical instrument: To listen to – piano, violin, saxophone.

Favorite brand of toothpaste: Eh, just Colgate is fine.

Favorite kind of sandwich: Monte Cristo will always be my favorite.

Favorite method of travel/transportation: By airplane, just because I don’t get to experience it often and it always makes me excited to travel :) 

Favorite means of expression: “No way” and the many spin-offs I use for it hahaha. Like “stop it,” “shut up,” “shut the door,” “you’re kidding” etc.

Favorite Broadway musical: I’m not a fan of musicals but I do hold a soft spot for Miss Saigon. I was virtually raised listening to the soundtrack on cassette.

When’s the last time you…?

Ate something you hate? Well I don’t really...make myself eat things I already know I hate. A month ago I had empanadas that annoyingly had raisins in them, but I took each piece out in between bites so I didn’t have to deal with the taste.

Did someone a favor? Last night; I just bumped Angela’s tweet offering a trade for our Yoongi ticket so that a new wave of people can see it.

Felt like you’d really accomplished something big? It’s been a while. I guess when my friends and I booked our Airbnb and plane tickets to Thailand; it helped give me a sense of purpose and reward especially after working as hard as I’ve had over the last two years.

Missed your parents? Well, I miss my dad everyday.

Spent longer than two hours talking to the same person? Wednesday when my friends and I went through a third wave of ticket selling (and still ended up unsuccessful, lol). We were on Messenger updating each other in real-time for like an hour straight, then spent the next hour crafting our game plan going forward.

Wrote/recieved an actual letter (not a bill, not an email)? Christmas 2020.

Felt like everything was going really really well? Hm. Maybe my birthday trip to Zambales last year? That was a great time where I allowed myself to just let go of work entirely and stay in the moment and focus on me and my friends.

Felt like you’d failed? Sometime in mid-Feb when I handled a commercial shoot for one of my clients’ upcoming product launches and a bunch of miscommunication that I couldn’t control between the client and the prod house happened, forcing the shoot to go overtime by nine hours. We ended at 3 AM and the output ended up being fantastic, but it didn’t feel like an accomplishment at all. It was something I just wanted to laid to rest as soon as it finished; I never even ordered the damn thing during the entire period of its availability. Just so traumatic.

Stopped to smell the roses– literally? Nope. 

Spent way too much money on something totally dumb? That hasn’t happened since the time I used to spend on my ex.

Enjoyed doing homework? 2020, I guess? It was my final semester in college and I was taking a course on social history which I was genuinely enjoying, and I had lots of fun every time we had essay homework.

[felixsxfreckles]

Just had a difficult realization…

When I was a kid, my parents had addiction issues. I knew this at the time, it’s never been a secret. Issues as bad as theirs aren’t concealable. Especially not to me, because my parents had another kid when I was 7. He was so cute and such a quiet baby- never cried until he was like six months old. He had a lot of medical issues, but after a few surgeries and medications he was a relatively healthy baby. He was my whole world and I did my best to raise him.

See, the thing is- our parents had plenty of money. We were never destitute. But I was still a child, raising a baby, while my parents did everything they could to be anywhere but at home. When they were home, they were abusive. Violent and cruel. They provided us with food in the cabinets and fridge, made sure we had lights on and our school fees paid, but that was it. They were rarely around while sober.

And so I raised my little brother with whatever I had. I did what I could to make a little bit of pocket money so he could have extra things our parents hadn’t considered. Our parents would have probably given me the money, if I was able to ask, but they would have had to been around for me to ask. I made sure that my brother had things that he wanted. I found rides for him when he needed to get somewhere. I did what I could. And every year, he brought home more misfits. And I took care of each one as they arrived. At one point, he and two of his friends were with me nearly everyday. Then they brought more home with them.

See, I went to school a significant distance from our house for high school. So I had to leave the kids alone a couple of hours a day. Which meant that they got into trouble sometimes. And at the time, I thought it reflected badly on me. I felt so stupid and guilty everytime one of them would get into trouble or get hurt being wild and young. Being free the way I never had been.

Because I never got to be like that. I inherited a child at seven years old and was on my own taking care of him by the time I was 11 until I was 14 and met my husband. I never learned to ride a bike or skate or do any sports. So I made sure my brother and his friends could. I did whatever I had to- even if it wasn’t good or safe or smart- to make sure they had what they needed, AND what they wanted. They did BMX, skateboarding, hockey, instruments… they took language classes and learned to cook and bake for fun… they even had crappy used cars when they started to learn to drive.

I met my husband when I was young, just 14 and he was 16. He quickly became important to us. He worked his ass off to help me raise those kids. He’s the best thing that could have happened to me back then. I could not have done it without him.

I’m proud of us. I am so, so proud of those two kids, two teenagers, who managed to help raise a bunch of forgotten kids and who did their best. Who gave up everything to make sure those kids didn’t go without.

But, today, I realized something.

I never learned to ride a bike. I never learned to skate. I didn’t do sports or theatre or play an instrument. I never learned to drive. I didn’t have any of the things I worked my ass off to make sure my kids, the ones I hadn’t even created, did. I gave up everything to make sure they had everything. I was home early everyday to make sure the kids had good, balanced meals. I scheduled their doctor appointments and took them to them. I kept track of their medications. I memorized their allergies and likes and dislikes and I adapted. But no one did that for me.

I’m not saying that my parents are bad people- they’re more sober, now, sticking to the less addictive substances, and they did teach me a lot of things that many people never learn. I’m just saying they weren’t good parents.

Today, I realized that I had really, really bad parents.

And that’s a weird thing to realize at work on a Tuesday in your late twenties.

[notesforstephen]

January 10, 2023

Dear love,

Hello! It's actually 1:40am on January 11, but I'll take this as my January 10 entry because I cannot sleep! haha Since I still have two hours before going to the gym, I'll take this time to share my story, to share my vulnerabilities so that you know what you're getting into.

People who are not close to me would see me as someone confident, driven, and strong. Someone who would always gets things done, no matter how difficult things are; someone who rarely asks for help. Only those who are close to me would know what I went through, and later on, you'd realize why they tend to be protective of me.

Though I told you that I grew up with a loving family, with my mom and my sister, I also have my fair share of drama and trauma. Since my sister had ADHD, and she was not doing well in school, it was her who was always the priority. I had to learn to do things by myself, which initially I thought was just normal. Don't get me wrong, I love them both, and I do not have resentment towards them, I know that my mom loved me in a way that she thought was right back then. With my dad working abroad, I learned how to be independent, and did my best to excel in school, to prove that I can be chosen and loved too.

Later on, I started having relationships. My relationship of more than eight years with Paul, helped me grow as a person. Since we were apart for almost half of the relationship, I enjoyed being by myself, and later on got used to being alone. Though he lives three hours away from Manila, we would see each other once a month, or once in six weeks. Back then, I thought that there was nothing wrong with our setup. I thought that it was fine, because we talk everyday, and we are able to achieve our goals. During the last few years of our relationship, the effort that he exerted was even below the bare minimum, and I took that and appreciated whatever it is that he can give. I was so afraid of demanding or asking for more, because I did not want to be rejected. We would see each other when he has errands here in Manila, or I would visit him in Tarlac when there are special occasions. With everyone around me settling down, and me being stuck in a long term relationship, I always justified why we were not headed towards that direction. I always said that we were saving up, when in reality, I still did not know what our set up will be. We slowly grew apart, and phone calls which usually lasted for hours would now last for less than 20 minutes, with mundane topics. Our nightly conversations later on became a chore, and our breakup was like a ticking time bomb. He ended things with me, and he told me that he had this friend (who was a girl) whom he ended contact with, in respect to our relationship. He shared that he felt sad when that happened, and after our conversation, I cried (again) because I was not chosen.

After healing from my relationship with Paul, I started seeing Martin, who initially treated me right. There was effort and time poured into the relationship. For the first time, I met someone who was willing to spend his time on me. Since we were both corporate people, I thought that our goals were aligned, and that he was supportive of my growth. He gave me the usual setup of an adult relationship- dates, constant communication even though he was at work, and his free time during holidays. Despite the seemingly normal relationship with him, I was walking on egg shells when I was with him. He had bad temper, and is very scary when he gets mad. He was not comfortable with me being expressive, and emotional. I compromised a lot of things to make the relationship work, while losing a part of myself. When I moved to SM, and there were a lot of things going on, I didn't notice that he was slowly withdrawing from the relationship. On our last day together, he was being his usual self, quiet because of stress from work, which I didn't take against him. The following day, he sent me a long message breaking up with me because he needed to focus on work. I was lost during that time, I didn't know that people can be so cruel. How can you go from treating someone so nicely, to discarding them like trash, in just a snap of a finger. I was crying and emotional for two weeks, I couldn't eat or sleep. I couldn't work too, and would end up crying in the bathroom, because I just couldn't understand what happened.

When I started making mistakes at work, that's when I realized that I've had enough of being sad, that I need to pick myself up, because at the end of the day, I only have myself. I learned that I always have to choose myself, choose self-respect, and my own happiness. I started working on myself, loving myself, and being comfortable with my own skin. I am thankful for my friends, as they were patient and loving all throughout. They would listen to me, comfort me, and were supportive of my healing. It's like they have this hidden radar, that they know when I'm feeling sad, and they'd reach out to me. I started doing other hobbies, I realized that I can cook, I find fulfillment in hiking, and solo traveling. My journey of self-love helped me rediscover myself, and made me feel that I am capable of going through even the toughest situations in my life.

After more than two months, I felt that I was ready to meet people. I initially thought that it will be exhausting again to start a conversation, and later on go out on dates. But then, how will I meet that person if I don't open myself up, and again, take risks. I matched with you, and we started this incredible conversation. Love, it was never my plan to fall for you, and even be in a relationship with you. But, I ended up doing so, because you make me happy, and I've never felt like this before.

When you come from traumatic and abusive relationships, being in a loving and healthy relationship triggers a lot of anxiety. There's always a ton of what if questions in my head. Questions such as "what if he leaves me?" or "what if he's like the others?" But then, I always have to be mindful and ground myself that you are different from the people I am with. I am thankful that you are very affectionate, and you do the best you can to make me feel loved. I know that we will be apart (for now), but love, I will never stop being grateful that our paths crossed. I am happy to have met someone who sees and appreciates me for who I am. Someone who is supportive of me, and does not see me as competition, or would think that I am too much. I know that we'll be able to make us work, because that's how much we value each other in our lives. Love, thank you for choosing me, and now I know how it feels like.

If there's anything that I would ask from you, I hope that you are patient. I know I've healed from what has happened in my past, but there may be times that I can get triggered or anxious. I hope that you would assure me that things will always be okay, and that we're in this together; that giving up is not an option in our relationship.

Love, this is to close this longgg message hahaha It's 2:30am, and I still have two hours before heading out to the gym. I love you, and I can't wait to see you! <3

[happy4562]

Voyeuristic Boss

His stomach throbbed. His hands were clammy. His body was having hot flashes. Nick knew that meant he had to find a toilet soon or he would be in trouble. Unfortunately, Nick was someone who never took a shit anywhere but home. He was ashamed to be seen or heard on the toilet and had only ever used a public bathroom a handful of times in his 28 years.

Nick had only been working as an accountant at his new job for a month. He hadn’t even met everyone who worked in the office yet. He sat at his desk, clenching his cheeks tightly in the hopes that the need to shit would pass. He looked at the clock: 11:19am. There was at least another 6 hours of work before he could even leave. And then he would have to make the 35 minute commute home.

Another 20 minutes passed and Nick knew he wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer. He had no choice but to use the men’s room at work. He made his way into the restroom and was relieved to see that all 3 stalls were vacant. He took the stall farthest from the door, hoping to maintain a modicum of privacy.

As he latched the door shut, the men’s room door swung open. Fear flooded Nick’s body. He told himself that whoever came in just had to piss and would be gone in a minute. Instead he saw two feet enter the stall next to him and latch it shut. He contemplated leaving his stall and pretending he had already shit but his body told him that he needed a toilet right now!

Looking at the shoes in the next stall, Nick realized that it was the office manager, Grady. Grady dropped his pants to his ankles and got right to business. A few plops hit the water and Grady sighed in relief. Nick stood in front of his toilet and unbuckled his dress pants. He slowly mounted the seat.

The men’s room was in complete silence at this point. Grady had already finished his shit and was now on his phone. Nick sat there, still clenching tightly. He didn’t want to let go feet away from someone he barely knew, someone he worked with, someone who was his superior.

Nick pissed quietly against the bowl and got a small amount of relief. A fart squeaked out and echoed into the bowl. Nick turned bright red. He couldn’t hold it any longer. He gently unclenched and released a small wave of liquid shit that splashed below him.

Unfortunately, that small wave did nothing to help his stomach ache. Nick sat in pain, trying desperately to let his diarrhea out in small spurts. When he unclenched the second time, an explosion of gas and shit erupted from his ass. His body could no longer hold it and gave in completely. The sound of loud wet gas filled the room as another wave of watering shit rushed out of Nick.

“Damn”, exclaimed Grady from the second stall, “is everything alright over there?”

“It’s fine”, Nick practically whispered, hoping this nightmare would end.

“Is that you Nick?”, Grady asked.

“Yeah”, Nick answered as some more slop fell into the bowl.

Grady sat, intently listening to every sound that Nick’s ass made. He couldn’t help but imagine how Nick looked, sitting there on the porcelain throne is the throes of a large, embarrassing dump. He enjoyed hearing the other guys in the office blow up the toilets everyday. He had seen Nick quickly leave his desk and head towards the men’s room. He had purposely followed him there.

Nick’s stomach was still rolling as he sat there releasing waves of shit. He couldn’t believe that this was happening. He hadn’t eaten anything out of the ordinary. Just his morning coffee at his desk.

Grady snickered to himself, thinking about the laxative he slipped into Nick’s coffee at 7am that morning when Nick stepped away to make some copies. Nick loudly sighed as some gas thundered out of him.

“Having a real loose one aren’t you?”, Grady said to Nick. He enjoyed talking to the guys while they shit. It gave him a sense of power. They were at his mercy while stuck on the bowl.

“Yeah”, Nick again replied sheepishly. Grady could hear the fear in Nick’s voice.

10 more minutes passed and Nick was finally cleared out. Now came the paperwork. Nick pulled on the roll and quickly learned that the toilet paper was basically gone. Now he had to ask Grady for paper.

“Hey Grady, I’m out of tp over here. Do you have any extra?”, Nick said as he nearly died of embarrassment.

“Sure I do”, Grady replied and passed a large handful of paper under that stall divider.

Nick grabbed it and wiped up as fast as he could. Grady also wiped up but only needed a single pass of tp. Nick flushed and Grady responded with a flush of his own. Both men met at the sinks. Nick couldn’t even look towards Grady’s direction.

Grady stood there washing his hands while enjoying every moment of Nick’s shame. He could barely hide his excitement. Nick dashed out of the room and went back to his desk. Grady went into Nick’s stall and jacked off, thinking of the explosive shit that Nick had endured.

When he finally finished, he made sure to walk by Nick’s desk and make eye contact. Nick’s face was still red. Grady went into his office and relaxed in his chair, knowing that he had pulled off his plan.

[darkh3llscap3]

Eventually

Peter Parker x Stark! Reader

A/n: This isn't my best work but I did have fun making it. Loosely based off of good for u by Olivia Rodrigo. Except to see more based off of her songs.

Warnings: Depressed reader, cheating, greaving, mention of character death, break up, angst

Summary: While dealing with the death of her father she also has to deal with the fact that Peter has been cheating on her with Mj.

General Masterlist

Marvel Masterlist

I feel like I've been staring at my reflection for hours. I just can't stop staring at the redness that's underneath my eyes. I splash water on my face and as a tear runs down my cheek. I take a shaky deep breath as my eyes shut trying to push away the unwanted thoughts from my mind. A knock comes from the other side of the door making me notice how tight my hold is on the counter. I let go to dry my face with the towel, that's hanging by the sink. My shaky hands open the door, only to see Peter with a backpack on his shoulders. 

He lets out a almost silent "Ill be back." When he notices me on his way out.

"Where are you going?" I ask him, I could see that he has bags under his eyes probably from the nightmares he gets when he tries to sleep. 

"I'm going to hang out with Ned for a while." He started walking out of the room. My brows furrowed as I remembered that Neds not even here this week cause he's at some camp. 

A sigh left my lips as I realized he's not even trying to hide the fact he's cheating on me anymore. Ever since my dad died he's been really distant. Anytime I try to comfort him he pushes me away and leaves. All I want is to be good for him and help him get through this but he keeps going to her.

I don't think I can take much more of this anymore. Does he not know this is hurting me too? I thought we would help each other get through this but I guess she's going to be the one to fill in that spot.

Peter comes back around 11 his shoulders are high and he comes in and puts his backpack down and starts to take off his sweater. Before he can sit down I say what's been on my mind. "I think we should break up." As soon as the words left my mouth he stopped moving. He turned to face me and nodded. He picked his backpack up again and started to leave the room. 

Then he stopped "I'll get the rest of my stuff tomorrow." After that he left. 

A deep breath helps the knotting in my stomach as I ignore how it sounded like he's been practicing that for a while.

It's been a month since the break up and I feel like I've gotten worse since then. My mom started putting me in therapy after I lost control during training. After me and Peter broke up it only took him about two weeks to make things with MJ official. I stopped going to school so I didn't have to go see them. She makes me learn from home since she knew I couldn't deal with seeing them. 

Lately I've noticed Peter has been getting more recognition and praise from the media. Apparently he's not the only one going to therapy either. On my last session the therapist got our sessions mixed up somehow and tried to do us together. I walked out and refused to do it. I stopped going to her sessions after that. I remember how he didn't even acknowledge me. How happy he looked when he was in the hallway talking to Ned and Mj.

How can he be fine now, why can't I be fine too? Everyday seems like another day in hell, another day where my loved ones leave me. When someone else is going to exit out of my life and never come back. I take a deep breath as I hear somebody come in. I look and see my mom with a frown on her perfect features. She sits next to me and starts rubbing my back.

"Happy told me you didn't come down for breakfast." I lay my head on her shoulder and bask in comfort. Her head leans back on mine as she continues to run my back in soothing circles. 

"I'm sorry." I say to her in a low voice. She picks up my head and makes me face her.

"It's okay, I just want you to eat something." I nod and get up ready to get out of my room.

When I get down there I get a bowl of cereal and start eating it. I see that the news is on next thing I know a picture of Spider-Man comes on. The news reporters start praising him for his work. I feel a bubble of rage well up inside me. 

It's been about 2 months since we broke up and my mom made me go back to school. She thinks it will be better for me to get out there and move on. I don't blame her, she's just worried about me. I guess this is healthier than being inside all day learning about math.

For my first day back I threw on a sweater I had in my closet that my dad gave me on my birthday. I put on some jeans and slipped on my backpack over my shoulder. 

The second I walk in it feels like all eyes are on me. People taking pity on the girl whose dad died to save the universe. I go to my locker that they didn't give to anyone. They kept everything the same as when I was here before. I just don't have any classes with Peter now. 

I take out everything I don't need and start to head to class. While I'm on my way I make eye contact with Peter while he's walking the opposite way. We pass by each other and it's like we never dated to begin with. Like we don't know each other, like we never did. I ignore the sting in my chest and continue on with my day.

About a week later I walked into the training room cause I forgot my charger when I was with Nat last time. I pause when I walk in cause I see Peter practicing. I start to leave when he turns around and looks at me. He takes out his headphones and stares at me. I signal to my charger on the floor. My hand shakes it lightly to show I was here for it and start to walk out.. He ignores me and continues to work out.

Then I stop and turn back around "Why didn't you care." I say as he looks at me again and furrows his brows.

"What?" He says as he walks a little closer to me, taking out his headphones.

"Why didn't you care when we broke up?" I try to keep my cool posture while I wait for his reply.

"We were not going to make it, I was going through something that you couldnt help with. It was bound to happen sooner or later." I can't help the scoff that leaves my mouth. 

"I couldn't help? I going through the same as you." I say and his eyebrows raised a little.

"You weren't as bad. I couldn't sleep because of it you could." He says back like it changes anything

"I couldn't sleep either. Why else was I awake whenever you woke up from a nightmare." He stared at me for a second looking at my features before he came up with his next response.

"I didn't know you were going through the same." I shook my head and felt the rage come back up.

"My dad died the same day your mentor did, Peter. Of course I was going through something. I was just trying to be strong to comfort you, to be there for you. I loved you so I tried to be the one who you would come to for emotional support but it wasn't enough because you went to her for that comfort and support." I let out already feeling tired from this conversation. "Not once did you ask why I broke up with you or even asked if I was doing okay." I tear fell from my eye as I was talking.

His hand came up to my face to wipe away my tears. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath enjoying the feeling of his hand in my face. Then I backed away from him and noticed small streams of tears on his rosey cheeks.

"I'm so sorry y/n I was just so wrapped up in my own head about Tony's death. I felt like I had nobody even though I had you." I nodded understanding where he was coming from.

"I get it I just wish you hadn't went straight for Mj instead if talking to me about it." I felt like I finally had closure. It didn't close the wound I had from our relationship but it helped. It turned around ready to leave when his hand caught my arm.

"That's it?" He asked, confused, his thumb rubbing the skin of my wrist. I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my sweater. 

"Well I mean yeah, what else did you think was going to happen?" I asked him as I pulled my wrist from his hand.

"I thought since we've worked through our problems we might get back together." I shook my head, backing away a little from him. I could tell he didn't miss it judging from how he frowned a bit.

"No, you have Mj now and I don't think I could trust that you won't go running back to her the second our relationship gets rocky." I said he came closer to me but stopped again when I backed away.

"I wouldn't, I love you y/n, I was just confused and messed up from the blurb." My face went to pity as I went closer to him.

"I know it must have been tough but you have to understand where I'm coming from Peter. When we broke up you acted like I didn't even exist. If you want to we can be friends and see where that takes us but I don't think I could handle a relationship with someone right now." He nods and turns to leave, this time him letting me go.

[ihatelettuce]

Irresistible

Art Creds: medusa_149 on insta

Eren X Reader Pairing

Afab reader, she/her pronouns

TW: Step-cest, bullying, death, dubcon (?)

Y/N can't tell what kind of relationship her and her step-brother Eren have, but she knows that it for sure is anything but normal.

-------------------------------------------------------There was always an incredulous look in those sharpened gem-cut eyes that never evaded you.

You were only 11, barely on the brink of puberty and right at the edge of your glistening childhood when you first caught sight of them. Hatred burried deep beneath those eyes escaped swiftly, engulfing your tiny, fragile, frame in its charcoaly flames at the dinner your mother set up with her new husband and his son.

It started off as just that, disgusted gazes hastily sent towards your direction everytime you crossed paths, and your mother never seemed to care too much;

"Oh sweety he's just hurt and doesn't understand yet, he'll outgrow it and you'll be two peas in a pod!"

And then she would run off to do some chore in the house after you would voice your confusion and, albeit slight, concern.

But you did know that she was correct. Well, at least some of her reasonings were. After his mother's untimely death just two years prior, Eren's childhood took an abrupt and sickly end. It was as if the same tumor that slowly took his mother's life persisted in taking his radiance and joy with it. The chirpy, energetic boy that once led his small posse of friends with a tenacity that was unable to be ignored was long gone, replaced by a husk that overran the circuits in his brain.

He now opted with holing himself up in his, or his now widowed-father's room, instead of going out to see Armin and Mikasa; both of which practically spent hours out in the Jaeger lawn trying to subtly coax him out. He would always see them. Catching glimpses of their little silhouettes reading and eating snacks on the grass while he snuggled all the more closer to the dresses his dear mother left behind. He would take in whatever scent was left of her like a drug, desperately hoping that her clothing would smell like her forever, leaving him a lifetime supply of fixes.

Soon enough, as tragic as it may be, the little kids who used to be known as his best friends quit stopping by. Not because they didn't miss him, not because they didn't feel bad anymore or because they were angry at him. Simply because he would no longer let them in. In both a figurative and literal sense. They spent months waiting for the boy's return but he never came out. Sitting out on the hot summer grass or attempting to stand out despite the chilly breeze of fall and winter. Even in school he would rarely spend a glance over their direction.

So naturally so, they gave up. And no one could blame them. Even Grisha himself wouldn't blame their now seeming indifference towards his son. But despite his lack of showing, this hurt Eren even more. In his eyes, it was just the confirmation he needed to know that he was alone, to- to PROVE that he was alone.

But he has his dad right? You could say that, but only for so long.

As one of Paradis's most esteemed physicians, Dr. Jaeger wasn't around the house very much. He woke up at the crack of dawn everyday to make it to the hospital where he would spend virtually all day working. He would try and see Eren as much as he could, dropping by during his lunch time sometimes when Eren returned from school, kissing him goodnight when he tucked him in, slipping a 20 in his lunchbox to maybe feel like he was apologizing for his absence. The closest they were since Carla's demise was Eren's 10th birthday, though not much celebration truly took place.

Grisha's measly, yet earnest attempts at reconciliation with his son didn't take much effect, but Eren never took it personally. He was young but, he understood the importance of his father's career and how much everyone relied on him. Moreover, the main reason why he refused to lash out on him was because he knew how he secretly blamed himself for Carla's death. He couldn't do enough. He didn't know enough. With all of his wisdom and medical insight he still couldn't save her from the tumor embedded deep in her brain.

If anything, it was almost as if his extended time at work was like some sort of plead to whatever god or anything else that ruled the universe to forgive him, to give him the experience and knowledge to save people. Whoever, or whatever, rules the universe didn't abide by that wish. However, they gave him something else instead.

Ms. Y/M/N L/N.

Young, energetic, eager to work and learn. Beautiful. Almost a spirit kindred to that of his lost lover. Now he's had his fair share of miscalculated relationships and affairs in his past, but never has he ever believed in love at first sight. That is until he met your mother.

The newest nurse staff in the hospital. Fresh out of college and with a positivity so vibrant around her she was like a breath of fresh air in his suffocating reality. As in love as he was, god did he feel guilty. Too guilty. Miserably guilty. But who the hell was he to let the guilt forbid him from seeking her out?

And that is why a year later, you both were officially a part of the Jaeger residence, sporting the Jaeger last name and reaping the benefits that came with it. Your mom eagerly changed from a full time nurse to part time. Grisha had an undeniable abundance of money so its not like it was necessary for her to work. She just did it because she enjoyed time out of the house.

Despite Mrs. Jaeger working and offering her utmost support and whatever love she could dish out without it being completely denied, Eren despised her. He hated the way she walked. That stupid fucking shuffle she would do whenever dad was around. He hated the way she cleaned the house, smiling ear to ear even though it was physical labor. Everything she did in his eyes reeked gold-digging, good for nothing, thieving whore. And you, oh you... You were the worst fucking thing he ever lied his eyes on.

The princess of the house. The new light of the family. The over-achiever, the one that everyone fawned over. Even his grandparents seemed to foster a stronger attachment to you than they did him. You stole whatever was left in his life right out from underneath him.

Now none of this was ever intended of course. Hell, you didn't even WANT any of this. You never met your father, and although you had short moments of fantasizing of who he was, your mother was more than enough for you. She made sure to teach you that she and you were all you ever needed in your family. You were actually surprised to see her in a relationship, let alone when she told you they were getting married just over a year later.

You never held any hatred towards Eren either. When you found out about his mother you were heartbroken for him. You cried for days. Just thinking about how much pain that could inflict on a child was torturing. He never knew, and you never had a chance to tell him, but you mourned with him. Even if it was in silence.

Truth be told, and this was something that you knew, the only reason why it seemed as though you were the poster child was because you just weren't so withdrawn from society and the family. But that wasn't Eren's fault either. How dare they ignore a child who was in need after his own mother died? Just because he was a tad bit irritable? Because he was angry? Because he couldn't truly decipher his emotions and trauma? None of that was the little brunette's fault. But that didn't stop him from terrorizing the little thing that was "keeping" him in the shadows.

Remember those spitting looks that started it all? Well, they quickly grew into much more throughout the years.

The first time you realized things wouldn't change between the two of you were when you and him had to stand next to each other for the family photos. With Grisha and your mom at each of your sides and eyes glued to the camera, how would they ever notice Eren digging the nails of his pointer and thumb fingers into the skin of the back of your arm. He stuck them in so hard that they bled, a small puncture but the telling sign of the worse that was to come.

In middle school, Eren looked to be just another loser. Some hostile, short-temperred idiot who was quick to get into fights and who completely ignored your presence in school.

He left all the tormenting to be done at home, where he could hurt you when you were supposed to be the most comfortable. Everyday there would always be something. A pinch. A rough kick under the table. A rough yank after he would forcefully ball his fist in between the soft strands of your hair.

As you would expect, at some point you got sick of this. With knicks and little bruises already littering your body, Eren persisted in repeatedly pinching the back of your arm through your all too thin long sleeve shirt, hoping to put yet another cut on the abused limb. You were both called down for dinner by your mother and just happened to be side by side headed towards the stairs. Something inside you just snapped, and your body reacted quicker than your mind, your brain short circuiting and sending your palm flat against his right cheek. Eren almost did a double take, lashes clumping together with unshed tears from the stinging pain and cheek flushed a deep, deep red. You regretted this choice immediately, seeing the fury flash in his eyes not even a second later. The slap was so hard your mom heard it, sending out a quick, "is everything ok up there? You kids are so weird I swear." But before anything could even be said in response, Eren pushed you so hard down those rugged stairs. Your mom could only gasp before running to your aid, tending to your now unconscious body after you hit your head particularly hard at the end of your tumble.

The next day after a trip to the doctor's, you came home with a concussion, and Eren could've sworn your mother would've torn him apart the second she set foot back in the house. There was no way you wouldn't snitch on him, not after everything that he's done to you. Right?

He was only 12, so of course he was scared. He didn't want to be punished in any way and feel even more like a burden than he already did, but he also felt bad. For the first time in a long time, bad. Not for himself, not in a selfish, angry way.

And this almost made him feel good, feeling sympathy for someone again, even if it was you. So when your mother only came up to him to ruffle his hair a bit and ask him about his day, he was perplexed. He had sat down on the couch in silence and everything, waiting for the inevitable ass whooping he thought he was going to receive, but instead came affection.

And thats when he realized something. Something dangerous. Something that rang bells in his brain but also in his heart, though he couldn't quite put two and two together at the time.

You would never tell on him. No matter what he did. No matter how he hurt you. You wouldn't tell.

He knew that this was simply out of pity, and that he hated. But it simultaneously gave him the biggest advantage in your toxic, step-sibling relationship. Maybe the big, bad, shitty poster girl in the family wasn't such bad news after all. Maybe, just maybe, you were his gift in all of his suffering. Someone who he could freely infringe misery upon so you could share even a fragment of the hurt he truly felt inside. But the question that he deliberately pushed inside and forbade from answering was why you. The real reason why. Because he knew that you weren't actually stealing anything from him. He knew that you never attempted to take any limelight from his life. So why you? He was young but he was still nimble enough to maybe bully someone else. Anyone else. But you, were his special little interest. He pushed this question away for as long as he could. Tried to shift his mind's attention to anything else so that he wouldn't ponder on it, until he couldn't any longer. And the reality of his feelings finally set in, and he took his sweet time finally accepting them.

So once you were fully healed, he stopped hitting you. Your arms were healed of all of their little crescent shaped indents and random bruises weren't scattered around your skin any longer. He even apologized to you for hurting you so badly and for all of the prior abuse. It was a brief apology, his eyes never connecting with yours out of sheer embarrassment, but it was sincere nonetheless. And this gave you hope, hope that he had finally realized that he messed up and that your relationship with him could now soften up and turn into something wholesome.

Yet it never really did. The physical pain ceased but the daggers that he made sure to shoot at you remained. Time passed by with relative silence between the two of you. Middle school graduation happening with you both in completely different cliques. Freshmen year of high school spent with you two ignoring each other feverishly. Sophomore year almost identical, except with him always managing to ruin your chances of pursuing any suitors that came your way. Obnoxious music and strange shaking noises coming from his room on blast; even from the living room where you and that cute boy Colt from your algebra class were attempting to mingle. Him somehow finding out about your secret official date with a sweet boy from your history class at the local diner, so he brought all of his friends from the football team and sat on the booth directly behind him, loudly bantering and grabbing him during their celebration over their win from yesterday's game. The list... truly goes on. It irritated you. Never being able to try to date in peace while he gets to bring any girl home and up to the sanctuary of his room.

And then.... things got weird. The summer after sophomore year. Those tantalizing crescent pinches turned into little whispers. Taunts. Condescendingly sweet remarks and requests. Walking into your room with arrogance seeping through every pore on his body, his dashing little smile etched on his face as he leaned his body against the doorway.

"Hey sweets, won't you be a doll and clean my car for me?"

You'd just look up at him from your phone on your bed, eyebrows cocked in disgust.

"Oh c'mon, don't be such a bitch Y/N! You know you owe it to me. Creeping into my house all those years ago. I can always go back to... the alternative you know."

And then he would give you the look. The daggers. The one's that he's managed to suppress over his time spent refusing to acknowledge your presence.

You liked to think that he was just joking whenever he threatened you like that. But if he wasn't.... he was bigger, taller, stronger. All of that growing and the sports and exercise he did... those pinches would feel like stabs now.

So you would always roll your eyes, drolly get up from bed and let out a dry "fine" before grabbing the keys out from his fingers, making subtle contact with his calloused finger tips and doing as he asked. Internally groaning at the "Thank you sugar" that echoed it's way to your ears from upstairs.

And these little remarks and requests only grew more frequent, more odd in nature, and he seemed to be around you and closer to you than you would've liked.

"Well you look kind of whory in that tiny ass skirt. Take after your mom I guess."

"You doing laundry? Great? Do mines too, dolly." With a wink and a smile, as he takes off his shirt and throws it at you with the rest of his hamper.

"Clean my room sweets, pleaaaase. You're just so good at it and I have such a mess in there after last night. You know how Historia is. Don't you forget that you owe me."

He would accompany these with little touches to your side, fingers grazing over the meat of your waist, an intimate caress to the cheek, brushing your hair behind your ear or petting the top of your head like a good little pet.

You couldn't pinpoint why this was all happening, what you did to make him turn his attention towards you again. And sometimes you thought maybe it was just a different way for him to get under your skin. Something less forceful, less heavy on the body but easily as effective.

This behavior carried on past that scorching summer. In school halls he'd give you nothing more than a teasing glance and a quick smirk while brushing his broader shoulder over you. But in the walls of your home, things only escalated.

By the time senior year came along, with those chirps that would come from his cherry lips, also came more noticeable touches. Lingering touches, ones that made you cower under him and ease into his demands easier. It was because you were just scared right.... right?

His legs would tangle with yours under the blankets on movie night and he'd brush the very tip of his thumb just over the nipple that rested on the supple fat of your breast as he reached for the tortilla chips on the coffee table. His long, slender fingers would slowly run up your thighs and squeeze the center of your waist when he would ask for something from behind you. The same hand that would teasingly stroke your head or push the hair away from your face now gently balled into your locks, scrunching them up and leaving them messy because of him once he released.

You'd catch his emerald hues staring at you now, as you'd clean his room like he asked. Instead of running off to play video games or hang out with Reiner and the rest of the team, he would sit comfortably on his bed with nothing but some grey Nike shorts on that hung dangerously low. Coos of "You're such a good little maid" and little compliments after every section that you finished followed you around. And you did your best to ignore him, but it would be difficult to ignore something as beautiful as Eren's smile and the bite of his lower lip when you would bend down to pick something up from his floor.

This wasn't the only chore that he would supervise you on. He'd do it all the time. As you'd clean his car every Sunday, religiously sticking to the routine. Your laundry times were practically scheduled together with how you washed, dried and folded his clothes for him. You did some of his homework, even cooked some of his lunches. Every. Time. He asked.

And the look of pure, utter satisfaction on his face never faded. You hated him. He was so full of himself, running you around like his personal slave. You'd fall for the same empty threats, the same sweet nothings and sensual touches that he constantly sent your way. You couldn't figure out why. Why the fuck were you so eager to please him. He was so taunting and aggravating but oh did it feel so good to make him happy. You couldn't admit it but the reality was that you would do anything to see that little look of approval when he deemed you did your job good enough. The way he'd say "thank you" and brush a thumb against your bottom lip or let out a low, vibrated "good girl" once you finished the days tasks. You even started to crave it. Crave that little validation you got from him now. It was everything that he refused to give you all those years ago.

You must've looked more desperate and eager for him than you thought you did because fuck did he notice your change in attitude. Whether you even noticed it or not, you would give him these puppy doe eyes everytime you looked at him as he asked for something. Your lashes would bat at him and your eyes would gloss over with a hazy tint, as if he was casting a spell on you. The way your muscles would instinctively flinch from your years of caution of him disappeared, becoming a new reflex, one that would make you soften for his palms and fingers wherever they decided to land on your soft, decadent skin. That bratty attitude you had and the defiance you sent towards him when he would demand something turned it's back on you, he had you in the palm of his hand, slowly but surely, he had you there.

In Eren's mind this started off as an innocent way to tease you since he couldn't bring himself to hurt you any longer. He knew he had a little, teeny tiny crush on you, ever since the incident with the stairs; but he knew he could never act on it, so he decided to play around instead, get it out of his system. But he wasn't expecting you to actually agree and obey to whatever he wanted. How you wanted his validation. And after only looking at you through pictures and what little glances he sent over you when he had to, this made him stop in his tracks and actually look at his step-sister. How much she's grown. How fruitful and plush she became. How her breasts perked and bounced with every step and her fat, squishy ass was so lovingly hugged by her pants and mini skirts. Those eyes that he once saw nothing in were now bright and stunning, and her lips plump and they accentuated every word and smile she produced. This little crush, that teeny tiny crush.... turned into full blown infatuation.

Eren waited everyday for those moments where he would come pester you. They were the highlight of his day. The starlights that put him to sleep at night. There was one slight problem with how things were going; Eren was beginning to want more.

He was tired of just dancing his fingers around your ass and avoiding the juiciest parts of you. Your thighs were fluffy and exciting to touch, but he knew that the rest of you would feel so much better. It was getting harder and harder for him not to full on grope you during movie nights, desperately wanting to forget about the TV screen and dive his fingers into the pearl that lies between your legs, desperately wanting to fuck you, not just fuck with you.

The worst part of it all, the worst part for him, was that he knew that you were horny too. For him, he wasn't sure, but it was all too obvious that you were hungry for some sexual attention.

You thought you were so quiet whenever you would stuff yourself or hump into your pillow when you wanted to get off, but god he always heard everything. Your stifled, sultry moans accompanied by the faint sounds of the wetness that you played with as he sat silently outside of your door made him want to scream.

Maybe you were toying with him, purposefully driving him crazy. I mean, how could you not notice what you were really doing to him? Were you just some bimbo who was dense with social cues? Or maybe it was his fault, I mean, he did stop you from letting some asswipe from school get to you before he can.

Eren pondered to himself about this more times than he'd be able to count. What he could do. What he should do. With graduation just round the corner it wasn't like he was going to see you much anyways. You cared more about your studies than he did and was going to a better college than he was. A little farther from home, so you were moving into a dorm.

His feelings for you finally reached a summit.

He was in despair, he didn't want you to go so far from him. You were his special little Interest. His good, obedient girl. His. He trained you these past almost 2 years all for himself! And now you were just going to go? Leave him?

There was nothing that he could do about it. You had already gotten your acceptance letter and he wouldn't have been able to find it within himself to commit such an atrocity such as to stop you from going to your dream college.

His acceptance to your upcoming absence didn't mean much else to him, despite knowing what it meant. For the life of him he still couldn't shake you off of his mind. He couldn't have you. He shouldn't be able to have you. But he made up his mind. He was going to have you.

To be continued...

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[survey--s]

682.

1 - When you wake up, do you get up straight away or do you lie around in bed for a while?  I remember making this survey years ago, lol. Anyway, it depends. I set my alarm for when I need to be up but if I wake up before then I'll lay around and doze or read my phone. At weekends I often get up, feed the animals, make a coffee and go back to bed for an hour.

2 - Who was the last person you video-called with? Have you done this more often since COVID hit?  My mum, and yes, most definitely.

3 - How many times a week do you go out for food or drink?  Less than once a week as eating out is just so expensive and is often really disappointing imo. We tend to go maybe every 6-8 weeks but we do get takeaway more often.

4 - Do you prefer getting takeaway or actually sitting in a restaurant and eating your meal there?  I prefer going out for lunch or breakfast and then getting a takeaway for an evening meal.

5 - Where’s your favourite place to get takeaway coffee (or whatever your drink of choice is)?  If I had one nearby then I'd go to Starbucks but the nearest is like, a half hour drive and I'm not that desperate. I tend to go to the local coffee/ice-cream place near the beach.

6 - Do you tend to keep your phone on silent, vibrate or loud?  Silent at night or at home, loud at work.

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them annoyed you? What happened?  Archie when he came home from his walk and straight to the litter trays - yes, he is gross and yes, they'd been emptied, he was just being an opportunist lol.

8 - When was the last time you went into a bookshop?  Uh, about August I think? We don't have one anywhere near us.

9 - What was the last thing you ordered off Amazon?  Cat food and dog treats.

10 - When was the last time you took a dog out for a walk? Is this your own dog or did you borrow someone else’s?  Friday and they were someone else's dogs. Oakley and Ollie are my last walk of the week and they're so great to take out. Super obedient, excellent recall and very friendly.

11 - What jewellery do you have on at the moment?  My piercings and my wedding and engagement rings.

12 - Do you have any products in your hair right now? What are they?  No.

13 - Have you ever used a VPN to access foreign content online?  Yeah, mostly just to watch US TV shows for free.

14 - Who was the last artist you listened to? Is this someone you’re a fan of? Bishop Gunn and yeah, they're okay.

15 - What was the last thing you had to drink?  Tea, which is really unusual for me.

16 - When was the last time you cooked something for the first time? Did it work out the way it was supposed to?  I honestly have no idea. I never really cook anything.

17 - Black cats are considered to be bad luck - is this a superstition that you’ve ever believed in?  Nope. Two of our cats are black cats.

18 - Would you ever eat blue cheese or do you find the idea of eating mould to be pretty repulsive?  I love blue cheese. We have loads in the fridge right now, lol.

19 - Do you visit the dentist every six months like you should? I go once a year as it's covered for free under my dental plan.

20 - How old were you when you first used the internet? Was it dial-up or did you have access to proper broadband?  I think I was about ten or so. Broadband didn't exist in homes back then so it was dial-up or nothing.

21 - Are you old enough to remember using floppy discs? Yeah, I had loads of games that ran off floppy discs lol.

22 - When was the last time you purchased an actual DVD or CD?  I bought some DVD's a few months ago but I haven't bought a CD for years - probably over a decade tbh.

23 - Do you shave? Which body parts and how often?  Yeah, legs, pits and bits, and everyday.

24 - What’s your favourite season, and what are some of your favourite things about that season?  Autumn - the colours, the weather, the atmosphere.

25 - When was the last time you burned yourself?  Yesterday, I think?

26 - Have you ever been the victim of a theft or robbery? What was stolen? Did the police ever catch the person who did it? Yeah, I was pick-pocketed in France (luckily they didn't take much and I never reported it). My parents have had their car/house broken in to a couple of times - my rollerblades were stolen once. The second time they stole my mum's handbag and the car off the drive.

27 - What was the last TV show you discovered that you really liked? What was it that got you to watch it in the first place? I haven't started a new TV show in months. I did like Young Sheldon for a bit but I got bored after the first few seasons.

28 - Have you seen any of the live-action Disney remakes? Which one is your favourite? What about your least favourite?  Yeah, all of them. I like Mulan and Alice in Wonderland and I LOVED the first Maleficent. Hated The Lion King and Aladdin. Little Mermaid and Jungle Book were good too. Lady and the Tramp was meh, so was Cruella.

29 - Do you have any exciting plans for tomorrow? If not, how are you planning to spend your day?  Just work. I'll be up at half seven to feed the animals, then it's breakfast and get myself ready. I leave at half eight - then it's off to my final visit with Charley (cat) before I walk Sparky. Then it's two group walks before I pick Archie up and take him out with Ollie for the last walk of the day. Then back home, feed the animals again, shower and chill.

30 - Would you ever keep a working dog as a pet? Do you think it’s fair to keep dogs like huskies in flats when it’s so different to their natural environments? I have a beagle in a small house - I don't think your home environment really matters as long as you have the time and energy to give them the exercise and enrichment they need.

[justkending]

A Little Party Never Killed Nobody...

                              1700 Follower Drabble!

A/N: Oh goodness gracious!! I’ve hit 1700 beautiful and loving followers. Everyone of you bringing more and more light into my world:’) In honor of you all helping me fulfill my dream as a writer and supporting me along the way, here is a little drabble for all you sweet humans. I can’t thank you enough, and I can’t express my love for each of you enough as well... 

-So, I stole from my prompt list on an old challenge I did and created a drabble of my own with them! Hope you enjoy my lovelies<3

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 5000+

Prompts:

“I actually did my hair for the first time in 3 months. I think I deserve a medal for this. “

“Dude, it’s 3 in the morning.”

____________

The banging was loud and profusely consistent as Y/N sat up from sleep with a groan. She sent a death glare to the door as if it was the culprit to waking her, but she knew it was one of her teammates that would soon be dead...

“What?!” she said bitterly, quickly tearing open the door. 

Bucky was on the other side with a slick grin showing his amusement to the situation. Her hair disheveled from sleep and eyes filled with hatred, but the sports bra and tight sleep shorts were doing something for her in her annoyed state.

“Mission. Be in the helicarrier in bay 3 in 20 minutes,” he said with a smirk before turning in his step to walk away.

“Dude, it’s 3 in the morning!” she shouted after him.

“Evil doesn’t sleep,” he responded without looking back.

All he heard from behind him was a strangled groan mixed with a muffled scream as she went back in her room and slammed the door. 

____________

The last to board the helicarrier, Y/N walked in throwing her things to the side, and sat in a seat immediately falling to her side to fall asleep again.

“Wake up, Y/N. We have to do a briefing,” Bucky said, slapping her boot. 

“I swear to God. Do you have a deathwish?” she growled, begrudgingly sitting up and rubbing her eyes. 

“Really not a morning person this one,” Nat laughed coming around the corner. Y/N sending her a glare as well, but not nearly as deadly as the one she saved specifically for Bucky. “Come on. We’ll make it quick, and then we have a 4 hour flight. You can sleep then,” she nodded toward the briefing area of the giant plane. 

Taking a deep breath she stood up following the rest of the team with Bucky behind her. 

“Cicely Rosmarie DeLuca. Daughter of Ramone DeLuca who is a well known crime boss in Italy. Seems to run in the family as Cicely has taken over the control of her family's business within the last 2 years,” Steve explained pulling up pictures on the screen as everyone sat with informational packets on the group in front of them.

“Since when did we start handling crime bosses?” Sam spoke up.

Everyone who had been on this particular mission included; Nat, Sam, Bucky, Steve, Y/N, and Wanda. So if this many Avengers were needed, clearly something much bigger than just crime bosses were involved. 

“Because the DeLuca’s are working with a division group of Hydra. We think they aren’t really in it for what Hydra wants, but more so gaining the alli and making some money on the side,” Steve sighed. “It looks like they have a means to steal plans that could wreak havoc on confidential equipment that we have in the works. Stuff that could easily be modified to become world wide dangers.”

“I have an idea,” Y/N spoke up. The whole crew turned to her. “Let’s just stop creating things that can destroy planet Earth. I feel like that’s a healthy start to creating the safe environment we’ve been fighting so hard to preserve over all these years.” The grin on her face was big and sarcastic and quickly dropped to a bitch face. 

“You can’t help but be a smartass all hours of the day, can you sweetheart?” Bucky groaned a few seats ahead of her. The pet name only there because he knew how much it annoyed her.

“And you can’t help but be a nuisance to my life all hours of the day, can you jackass?” she retorted. 

“You guys. Focus,” Steve interrupted, sending the two his Captain look. “You’re going to have to get along for this mission because we’re going undercover, and we only have one night to get this right.”

“Undercover how?” Wanda asked. 

“There’s a gala in Venice. From what we’ve gathered, the information will be swapped there. We need to hunt it down discreetly and capture the agents working with Hydra. From there, we’ll bring them in for questioning and figure out where exactly they are getting their information from. We believe we have a spy within our facility that’s leaking all the confidential knowledge.”

“And if these Hydra agents happen to do what Hydra does best and kill themselves before we can get anything out of them, then what?” Y/N asked. 

“Ever the optimist,” Bucky mumbled. No one else paid mind to it, but Y/N kicked the back of his chair making him turn and send yet another glare at her.

“We’ve prepared for that,” Steve said, nodding to Nat to go to the next slide. “We have devices, drugs, and antidotes in case cyanide becomes involved. The capsules of drug and equipment being used incapacitates them long enough to get them back to our base and keep in holding. From there, we will take other precautions to keep them from doing anything stupid that involves cyanide. Again, we don’t know if that will be the case, but with our history with Hydra, they have yet to prove us wrong.”

“So basically, you’re bringing us to go to a party to roofie Hydra agents. I gotta say, not what I was expecting from our high tech division,” Y/N nodded with a small laugh.

“It’s the best way to keep discrete and not cause a scene or hopefully any fatalities at the gala. They are using a charity for cover, and I rather not actual good people get hurt in the end,” Steve sighed. “Now, we land in 3 and a half hours. Once landed get your gear ready, look over your profiles, and get prepared for the gala. Like I said we are going undercover, so look your best.”

“This doesn’t happen to be a black tie gala, does it?” Bucky asked. 

“What gala isn’t?” Sam retorted. 

“Suits are already ready to go in the other room. Ladies, our dresses are in section 11 of the ship,” Nat explained, standing and gathering her things. “Y/N, that means you're going to figure out how to walk in heels,” she smirked. 

“I think we’ll need more time than you’re giving us for that to ever be convincing,” Bucky snickered. Sam laughed too. 

“Oh, shut the fuck up. I’ve done missions like this before. Just because I don’t wear an evening gown everyday, doesn’t mean I can’t pull one off,” she stood, walking by and flicking the back of Bucky’s head. 

Her, Nat, and Wanda leaving the room while Bucky held the crown of his head in vexation. 

“Son of a-” he started going to stand and retaliate. 

“Buck, I’m going to need you to pull it together for one night,” Steve said, cutting him off from his path to harass Y/N. “You and Y/N are teammates. So either put on a face or suck it up for the night.”

“I’m not the one you need to be telling that too. The she-witch in there is going to be the one to mess it up if any of us,” Bucky argued.

“Y/N is a well trained spy and the best marksman on the team as of right now. She will do her job and you’ll do yours. You have to let the petty fighting go for one night, ok?”

“Come on Cap. You know it’s more than just petty arguments. Bucks gotta crush,” Sam said singing the last words.

With wide eyes, Bucky turned to Sam. “I do not! She’s nothing but an annoying headache added to my life... Scratch that. Migraine.”

“That’s what someone with a crush would say,” Sam said with a grin and squinted eyes. 

“I don’t have a-” Bucky started.

“Hey Cap. Nat needs you real quick,” Y/N said poking her head back in. Everyone turned to her as if they just got caught doing an illegal act and stayed silent. “Did I walk in on something?”

“No,” Steve shook his head. “I’ll be there in a second.” 

She nodded before giving everyone a furrowed eyebrow in confusion as she left. “Weirdos,” she mumbled walking away.

Steve let out a deep sigh. “Just behave yourself tonight. If you do, Y/N will too.” He walked to leave the room. 

“Yeah, right,” Bucky scoffed. 

“Yeah, your 100% smitten,” Sam laughed walking past him out of the room.

“No, I’m not!”

__________________

The time had come. Everyone was prepared. Lookouts were in their designated spots, any tech that was being used was up and live, and everyone was about to meet at the Gala. 

“Ok, Nat, you’re with me tonight. Sam and Wanda you two will be with each other. And Bucky and Y/N, you two will be partners as well,” Steve explained over the coms. 

All the women had arrived just a few minutes later and the men were already scoping out the place.

“Wait, what?” Bucky responded back. Sam standing next to him.

“Oh, he definitely did that on purpose,” Sam chuckled. 

“Why the hell would he? We don’t work well together,” Bucky groaned, looking around for her. 

“Well, you better figure it out. At least for tonight,” Sam patted his back, taking a champagne glass from the passing waiter and moving to find his chosen partner. 

Bucky rolled his eyes into another dimension thinking about the all annoying arguments that he was sure would be apart of the night.

“Fine, Y/N what are you wearing?” Bucky asked in the comms.

“James, I’m flattered, but I don’t really like you in that way,” her sass came back through the ear piece. 

“Steve,” Bucky groaned. 

“Guy’s stop it. Y/N tell Bucky what you're wearing so we can start this mission. We don’t have all night,” Steve instructed with irritation. 

“A black dress,” she sighed. 

“Wow, real descriptive. Let me just search through all 500 of them I see,” Bucky said sarcastically. 

“I’m by the rip off Vincent van Gogh painting on the east side. Next to the waterfall,” she explained. 

Bucky took a deep breath walking over in her direction. It was a really crowded place, so maneuvering through people to find her became difficult. That was until he reached the fountain she was talking about, and the people had thinned out some. 

Glancing all around, he couldn’t pick her out from all the black dresses he’d seen. 

“Y/N, where the hell are you?” he whisper shouted in the comms. No answer. “Of fucking course no answer,” he said to himself. 

But upon sharper inspection, he noticed her face in the distance. 

And holy shit. 

That did not look like the Y/N he was used to. I mean it did, but she was usually a natural beauty. Not that she wasn’t right now, but done up the way she was was a whole different kind of beauty. 

Her dress was a black off the shoulder evening gown. The middle section of it was a see through mesh, and the top part of it looked as if it she had a bra on full display. Only bringing more attention to her perfectly modeled torso. Her hair was done in an elegant, but messy, kind of braid. The whole ensemble flowing together and creating an refined and formal Y/N that Bucky had never got the chance before tonight to see. 

Having looking that stunning, Bucky wasn’t surprised to see the men around her glance her way. However, the man that was only a few feet into her space and talking up a storm looked to be making Y/N uncomfortable. She had on a fake smile trying not to bring attention to herself, but disgust to the older and space invading man, was showing in her eyes.

Quickly, Bucky maneuvered to her.

“There you are, doll,” he smiled widely at her, putting his arm out and wrapping it around her waist as he pulled her side into him. “I must have gone to the wrong fountain looking for you,” he winked. 

As if in instinct, she leaned into his side and brought her hand to his chest lightly patting it. 

“Oh dear, you and your directionally challenged self. I can’t take you anywhere,” she laughed in a surprisingly domestic way. 

“Oh, is this your-?” the older, and now looking at him closer, creepy man started looking Bucky up and down. 

“My date, yes,” she answered. “If you’ll excuse us, we have some other friends that we were supposed to be meeting with,” she patted Bucky’s chest. “Right, honey?”

Lost while staring down at Y/N, he didn’t answer right away, but when he looked back at the old man who had a suspicious look on his face, he snapped out of it. 

“Uh, yes. If you’ll excuse us,” he said offering his arm, which she took and intertwined herself into him. 

They walked away quickly before the man could say anything else and once a good distance away, Y/N let out a deep sigh. 

“Take it you weren’t the one that approached him?” Bucky chuckled. 

“99% of the time it’s not the woman doing the approaching. It’s the sexually frustrated, overcompensating, and egotistic assholes that do,” she shook her head. 

Ok that made him chuckle a little.

“Well, glad I could be of service,” Bucky nodded looking around them. If he was going to stay focused on the mission, he couldn’t be looking at her. She had proven herself to be a distraction for the night while looking like that. 

“Yes, thank you. I would have done something about it, but I don’t think throat punching someone in the middle of a gala would have been normal entertainment for these people,” she said almost in disgust at the crowd around them. All prissy and rich, donating only a 164th of their wealth to try and not come off as greedy. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard that right. Did you just say… Thank you?” Bucky teased. 

“Don’t push your luck, Barnes,” she countered, but when she looked up at him there was a small smile on her dark maroon lips. A look Bucky had never really been on the receiving end of. 

He returned it in surprise and noticed just how devastatingly gorgeous she looked up close. Had she always been this stunning and Bucky never noticed. Ok, well he had noticed, but with the constant fighting and bickering they did, it was hard to focus on it. 

Without thinking, his thoughts spilled out. “You look very nice tonight,” he said to her. Instantly blushing and looking away.

“A compliment? I didn’t know you knew how to use those,” she gasped teasingly. 

“Don’t push your luck, Y/L/N,” he retorted back. The smile still stuck on his face. 

“Time out. Are we being civil right now?” she asked, halting her steps. Bucky stopped and looked back at her. 

“It’s possible if you just learn how to be less aggravating,” he smirked. 

“There it is. Whew, I was worried we were getting along for a second,” she laughed, continuing their walk.

Bucky hadn’t heard that laugh ever. At least not directed to something he had said. And damn, he liked it. Why the hell did he have to like it?

 “You know? I actually did my hair for the first time in 3 months. I think I deserve a medal for this,” she added. 

“I don’t think they give out medals for that,” Bucky couldn’t help himself, but laugh with her. 

“Well, they should. It took quite a bit of effort. Doing hair could be an olympic spot in itself,” she shrugged. 

“Ok, everyone in their sections?” Steve’s voice came through the comms.

“Good here,” Sam spoke up. 

“We’re set here,” Y/N checked in.

“Great. Keep an eye out for the individuals we’re here for. Y/N, Bucky, you guys keep an eye on the DeLuca’s. If they venture off from the party, it could be the meeting we’re here for. So follow and keep us updated,” Steve instructed. 

“Got it, Cap,” Bucky voiced in. “Alright, shall we mingle?” he asked, looking down at Y/N.

“I mean, if we must,” she deflated some on his arm, but quickly put on a mask straightening and acting as if she went to an event like this every weekend. 

______________

They conversed, they faked life stories with the rich, they drank, and they easily convinced everyone around them they were just another pair of investors. The mission was doing fine other than the fact, nothing suspicious had happened yet. 

The was until, Y/N was getting her 4th drink and Bucky noticed Cicely DeLuca was conversing with someone they had kept an eye on all night. And now, was headed off to another room with them. 

“Y/N,” Bucky said coming up behind her. “They're moving.”

Y/N took a long sip of the wine in her hand. She squinted toward the group and nodded. 

“Ok, let’s get to business,” she nodded, walking straight to them.

“Y/N!” Bucky shouted quickly, grabbing her arm before she got to far, and she fell into him some. 

“Oops,” she giggled, stumbling on her feet. 

“Wait a second. Are you drunk?” he asked in a concerned voice. 

“No, no,” she brushed off. Clearing her throat. “No… Ok, a little tipsy, but not drunk,” she waved off. “I lost count of the champagne, and I’m pretty sure they have a high proof brand.”

“Dear God. We're on a mission, Y/N. What were you thinking?!” 

“I was thinking, free alcohol,” she smirked before standing straighter. “No time to talk about it. We need to go.”

She turned and quietly marched to follow. Bucky close behind caught up to her and wrapped a hand her arm.

“You’re a mess. Just let me lead,” he groaned pulling her arm through his and keeping her close.

“You smell good,” she noted. 

He looked down at her and saw she was giving him a soft sincere smile. Really? Out of all times, this is when she decided to make Bucky’s head all fuzzy. 

“Come on,” he sighed, pulling her gently to the corridor the suspicious group disappeared into. 

Discreetly they stayed around the corner and watched the DeLuca’s and guests go into a secluded room. No one else was in the halls but them and a few guards posted at the doors. 

“Shit,” Bucky whispered. 

“What?” Y/N asked peeking her head around to see what Bucky saw, but she peeked out a little too much and the guard heard them. He quickly pulled her back from view.

“Damn it, Y/N,” Bucky whispered to her in a frustrated way. 

He was going to pull her away down another hallway to try and keep from being fully caught, but he wasn’t fast enough, and the guard started to come around the corner. 

Without getting a second to prepare, Y/N crashed her lips into Bucky’s and wrapped her arms around his shoulders behind his neck. A little stunned at first, Bucky froze, but it didn’t take him long to fall into the action with her. He slowly brought his hands around her waist and pulled her flush to him. The kiss hard and frenzied.

“Hey, you two aren’t supposed to be here!” The guard shouted. 

Y/N pulled away and faked shock. 

“Oh, goodness! I’m so sorry,” she blushed, adding a fake british accent and pushing herself into Bucky in embarrassment. “We were just trying to find a quiet place to… Well, I won’t get too graphic,” she giggled. 

The man who at first had a hard glare on his face eased up and sighed. 

“It’s fine. I’m just going to need you two go back to the party. This section is closed off,” he instructed coming closer. 

“Of course, of course. You’re only doing your job. I get it,” she smiled a captivating and warm smile untangling herself from Bucky who had yet to be able to form a coherent thought since her surprise make out session. “Let me just grab my clutch real fast- Oop!” She dropped the purse that had opened and the contents of it spilling out. “Oh God. I’m such a clutz,” she laughed. The alcohol created a tint of red in her cheeks only making her little act more convincing. 

“Here, let me help,” the large guard offered, bending to help her grap the loose items. 

“Ever the gentleman,” she beamed up at him. Before he knew it though, the tiny bottle of perfume she had in the clutch let out a spritz in his face. 

He coughed at first, but in seconds fell over asleep. Before he could hit the floor with a thud, Bucky moved to ease him down. 

“What the fuck?” Bucky said with wide eyes as he looked back at her. 

“What? I’m doing my job,” she answered, calmly and collectively putting her things back in her clutch and smoothing out her dress. Her behavior was completely different from 2 seconds ago. “Tipsy doesn’t mean I’m completely incompetent.”

The footsteps of the second guard coming around the corner were getting closer. 

“Move him,” Y/N directed before walking toward the other threat. 

By the time Bucky had placed the other man in a closet nearby and turned the corner where Y/N had gone, he saw her dragging the second guard back his way.

“A little help, muscles?” she groaned at the heavy set guy in her hands. 

Bucky quickly did the same with the second guard placing them in closets and blocking the door with a heavy decorative table. 

“Cap, we’re at the meeting room. Both guards taken care of and about to put the listening device on. You ready?”

“Nat?” Steve asked.

“On it”, Nat replied. “Y/N, if you can’t get into the room, stick it to the door. I can get feedback that way too,” she instructed. 

Bucky looked at Y/N. “Where’s the device?” he asked.

“One second,” she exhaled. She placed her hand on his shoulder for support as she lifted her foot and dug out a small mechanism from her heel. “For once, heels are useful in my life,” she sighed, putting her foot back down and activating it. “Keep watch.” She moved to the double doors the suspects were in and placed it on the outside as Bucky kept an eye down the hallway. 

“Why do I feel like a sidekick in this and not an actual agent?” Bucky mumbled. 

“Because you're Robin and I’m the Batman in this scenario, didn’t you know?” she said with a wink and her sarcasm coming back. 

He rolled his eyes before looking back down the hall. 

“Ok, we’re in,” Nat explained. “Sam and Wanda head to their location for stand by in case they need backup.”

“Copy that,” Wanda spoke up. 

They all listened in on the conversation but so far it had just been exchanging casualties and nothing having to do with evil plans. 

“God, talk about a boring party,” Y/N sighed next to Bucky as they waited for something to happen. 

“Wasn’t boring 5 minutes ago,” Bucky thought to himself. 

He couldn’t help but look over to her and study her again. She was focused on the view from the balcony off to the side. You could see the party happening down there, but it was a private spot where the people below couldn’t really see them up where they were.

She fidgeted with the small mesh strap that wrapped around her arms creating the off the shoulder look. Her eyes darting around as if some form of danger was down there and not behind her.

“What are you seeing?” he asked. 

“Don’t know. But something about this seems off,” she said softly. 

“Off how?” he went on. 

“It’s been 5 minutes of small talk and nothing about what we came here for. It’s usually straight to dirty business with these things.” She looked back at him, but the look in his eye wasn’t showing interest in the mission. He looked like he was thinking about something else. Turning back to the balcony she spoke up. “What’s going on in that head of yours Barnes? You catching something I’m not?”

“Why’d you kiss me?” he said bluntly. 

She stiffened and turned back to him. “What?”

“You could of easily just acted drunk and done something with that to throw him off, but you kissed me. And not just a fake, ‘I’m trying to act kiss’ That was a full on kiss,” he said taking a step to her. 

“We’re on a job Bucky. I have to make it as convincing as possible,” she said, but there was a weird hesitancy in her voice. “That or we would have been caught and dealing with two highly trained security guards, possibly causing a ruckus that would have brought attention to us.”

He paused. He was looking too far into it, wasn’t he? He just made an awkward situation out of nothing. 

“Though, I can’t not say you in that suit had something to do with it,” she mumbled to herself, but the super soldier hearing beat out her quiet confession.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Bucky grinned shocked and stood behind her. 

“You look good in a suit, ok? It made it a little easier kissing you,” she huffed not making eye contact with him. “Don’t get too big an ego there, bud.”

Though he could come up with about 30 different things to say and push her buttons with that confession, that’s not where his mind went. 

When she turned, not hearing a witty response for the co-worker, she didn’t expect to see him right behind her and almost chest to chest at the movement. 

“What are you-” she started, but looking up into his eyes, she didn’t see irritation this time. No, she saw lust. His eyes dilated to where the blues of his eyes just covered the rims. “Bucky,” she said in a hushed whisper not being able to break her gaze from his lips.

But before she could question him, he lowered himself to her level and connected their lips once again that evening. His hand going from her cheek to behind her neck pulling her in. Her hands at first on his chest nervous at the closeness, but now grabbing the lapels of his coat and pulling him closer. 

Frantic and starved was the best way to describe that kiss. As if it had been a long time coming, and tasted oh so much sweeter after marinating all this time. 

They eventually pulled away from the intoxicating and dizzying action. Both of their eyes practically black looking at the other. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” Bucky confessed. 

“Could’ve fooled me,” she said, still trying to catch her breath. 

Breaking the moment up, they heard a crash come from the other side of the doors they were monitoring. 

“Shit,” Y/N said, quickly making haste to the room. Bucky two steps behind her. 

Bucky kicked open the doors and saw Hydra agents pointing their gun at the DeLuca’s. Though their job wasn’t to take care of the crime boss family, no one needed to get hurt. 

The gun quickly turned on Bucky, but before the shot could be made, a knife flew into the man's shoulder causing him to grasp it and fall to the ground in agony.

“Nice shot,” Bucky smirked. 

“Thanks, now focus!” She smiled back before the two went in and a whole fight scene evolved. 

Sam and Wanda were there seconds later, and as if the easiest task in the world, all the bad guys were in the hands of the Avengers.

No one died, and everyone that was needed for questioning was put to sleep somehow and brought back to the helicarrier. 

________________

“Nice work, Y/L/N,” Steve patted her shoulder that hadn’t been injured. 

At some point in the fight, the sleeves she had been fiddling with on her shoulders had restricted her to defend herself from a knife. In the act of cutting her though, it also cut the sash off and Y/N used it to her advantage. She had used the fabric as a way to tie up the man who assaulted her and render him defenseless after some light manipulation with the sash made his weaponless. Crazy the things you can make dangerous when your a trained spy. 

“Thanks Cap,” she smiled, hissing as the nurse on board put a disinfectant on the wounds. 

“Hey, coming out with just one injury is a win when you use a ribbon as your weapon,” Bucky chuckled walking over. Hands in his pockets and a smile taking over his features. 

“You’re not wrong,” she laughed before hissing again at another round of alcohol to the open cut.

“I don’t think you’ll need stitches, but we are going to wrap this up to keep from infection. Let me go grab the gauze,” the nurse informed her, heading to the medical bay. 

“Nice work tonight,” Bucky said, sitting next to her. “I guess working side by side isn’t as horrible as I suspected.”

“Eh, it wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t great,” she said shrugging. Bucky sent her a blank stare and slowly blinked, not amused. “Oh, lighten up. I’m just pulling your leg,” she laughed, shoving his shoulder lightly. “You’re not that bad of a partner.”

He eased up and a soft smile formed on his lips before he looked back down. 

“Listen,” he started. 

“How do you feel about getting coffee when we get back?” she cut him off. 

“What?” Bucky said sitting straighter. 

“Coffee. You know that drink that gives people energy. It’s usually served around breakfast time, but in Europe they actually-”

“I know what coffee is,” he shook his head with a chuckle. “I’m just a little shocked.”

The nurse came back around the corner and motioned for Y/N to come with her. She got up and turned back to Bucky before she followed. 

“You shouldn’t be, considering what happened on that balcony,” she winked, making him blush as she disappeared around the corner. 

“Damn,” Bucky eventually said to himself when he could form a thought. “She’s going to be the death of me…”

Marvel Tags:

@thejourneyneverendsx @death-unbecomes-you @heyiamthatbitch @lizzymacy555 @iheartsebastianstan @srrymydood @xa-dia @redhairedfeistynerd @morganclaire4 @connie326 @captain-asguard @mollygetssherlockcoffee

Bucky Barnes Tags:

@morganclaire4

My Lovelies forever:

@natura1phenomenon @lauravicente @traceyaudette @kakakatey @notyourtypicalrose @laneygthememequeen @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sandlee44 @thorne93 @snffbeebee @thefaithfulwriter @marvelfansworld @essie1876 @greyeyedsmile14 @capsiclehan  @xostephanie @averyrogers83 @awesomenursingstudent @gh0stgurl @cs-please @carls1022 @jjlevin @rainbowkisses31 @carls1022 @anise-d-castle6 @deannotmoose @their-bibliophile @kitkatd7 @willowbleedsonpaper @mariaenchanted​

[meimae]

Language Learning Through Immersion: One Year Japanese Update

11/03/2021

I did it, you guys! I’ve successfully reached my very first year of Japanese language immersion! I honestly thought that I would have given up by now, but this really has been a fun and ultimately rewarding endeavor.

Studying the language has been at the back of my mind for years since elementary school, I just never really knew how to go about it before, and I always thought that I could learn it in a classroom setting someday. That someday for me was in two elective courses in university, and while those were fun as well, it did not give me the same gains that I have achieved in this past year.

It’s probably easier to quantify learning a language in a classroom setting, especially when going through a program to earn a language degree. Learning through immersion, however, I had to really consider what my goals should be on my own. Eventually, I stumbled upon an article saying that for an English speaker, Japanese was exceptionally difficult to learn and that at least 2,200 hours must be spent with the language to reach a certain level of proficiency. So I said to myself, “well okay internet, if you say so!”, and set that as my long term goal going forward.

Spoiler Alert: I did not hit that goal in my first year. I am not crazy and will never listen to Japanese in my sleep regardless of what Khatzumoto (the creator of All Japanese All the Time) says. 

I did, however, hit a total 1,226.65 active immersion hours in my first year, so I guess I’m still a bit nuts. That is 874.96 hours of active listening and 351.69 reading hours. I also did 270.59 hours of passive listening, also known as the time in the very beginning of my immersion where I was using Japanese subtitles (therefore not really concentrating on listening alone). That’s a cumulative 1,497.24 hours spent with Japanese. That’s more than halfway towards my goal! 

To further break that down for curious animanga fans out there, that’s 973 episodes from 109 anime, 765 episodes from 33 dramas, 7 movies, and 967 chapters from 107 volumes of manga (21 series). Here’s my anilist and mydramalist to see what I’ve read/watched.

During all this, I was also doing my daily Anki reps and now I have a 530 day SRS streak (includes the time prior starting immersion and only doing RTK and some vocabulary cards) and a total 8,857 sentence cards. I’ve been averaging 406 cards daily (because I’m trying to cure my leeches) and I spend about an hour per day doing reps and learning new cards. I don’t really track my time on Anki, but I do have a set timer that goes off after 1-1:30 hours.

What I haven’t touched upon at all is output. I have not gone out of my way to find a tutor or a language partner. There’s still plenty of input out there to immerse in before I even consider outputting.

Graphs, stats, and more thoughts:

Here's my current card count in my main deck (minus the cards in my new/learning queue and leeches I've been relearning which are in separate decks):

That one day in 2019 where I did not do my cards because I was seriously doubting whether I can actually stick with language learning this time around will forever haunt and inspire me to keep going everyday.

Workflow and Tips

You might be wondering, how do I have a lot of time? I started this whole endeavor in the middle of a pandemic, which eliminated the option of me going to a language school, and a slew of other things I were considering doing last year became impossible (and if anything, very scary to do in a pandemic). All I can say is that, things work out eventually if it is His will, and if I can learn a skill before everything properly settles back down again, then why not? 

I wake up at 5 in the morning everyday to either do my Anki reps or read until the time when I need to get up and I listen to compressed audio throughout the day. The biggest tip is to switch the time you spend watching/reading in your native language to your target language instead. Listen to a podcast during your commute, watch an episode during lunch break, read before going to bed, do your Anki reps in the bathroom if you have to. 

But, if you’re feeling burnt out, there is no reason for you to not take a break! I have been watching a lot of Among Us streams before bed, and I chat with my friends from time to time. Language learning is not a race.

More Stats

Here are a couple of grids of the kanji characters that I have encountered at least once in my immersion and how well I have answered them in my vocabulary/sentence cards.

It's interesting that after almost 9000 words, I have yet to encounter every single character from the Remembering the Kanji 1 (RTK 1) book by James Heisig, which teaches you the most common use characters that are part of the 常用漢字. Which brings me to the question, was writing down every single character being taught in RTK worth it every time it came up in my reviews for the first 3-ish months I was reviewing them? Maybe, maybe not. It certainly removed my anxiety whenever looking at blocks of text in Japanese, but the longer I think about it, the more I feel I should have switched to Recognition RTK earlier. Still, being able to write in proper stroke order is cool I guess, and it also helps me when looking things up in the dictionary.

Here’s the same grid but in JLPT order:

I clearly need to grind those N2 and N1 level cards! Speaking of which, I have apparently almost covered every single character that could possibly appear in the JLPT (except for the N1 which I have only covered half of) in just a year's time. If the JLPT word frequency lists I’m using are accurate, I have about 2,000 words more to go to to cover most vocabulary that could appear in the test. This makes the "10,000 sentences/words to fluency" argument a reasonable milestone to aim for for Japanese learners if said aim is only to pass the test. That said, 10,000 words is just that, a milestone. It's more akin to a comfortable level of comprehension, but not my own concept of fluency which is being able to read with ease, speak articulately, and write comfortably.

READING IMMERSION GRAPHS

My biggest motivation for tracking my stats is for the purpose of seeing whether my reading speed is improving over time. Reading speed is also easier to measure than listening comprehension which is kind of subjective, so I had a lot of fun making these. What I found is that for the first volume or chapter of whatever it is I’m reading, I always take the time to get used to the writing style of the author. My speed really improves whenever I keep reading the same topic over and over again. On the other hand and quite obviously, looking up many new words in a row and trying to parse sentences slows me down.

Manga: Reading Speed Progression per Volume

I clearly love ちはやふる and I am not ashamed to admit it.

I need to start reading longer manga. When I do, I’ll probably split this graph into less than and greater than 20 volumes. Imagine if I start reading something ridiculously long as 名探偵コナン or ワンピース, these graphs will start breaching the bounds of time and space.

Novels: Time Spent Reading per Chapter

#neverforget the time I read chapter six of Norwegian Wood for 9 hours when it took me less than half that time in English RIP. Also, my interest in Kitchen plummeted LOL. Still planning to finish it don’t worry. 

I also need to start branching away from manga and start reading more novels and light novels, too just so I can make more pretty graphs.

Visual Novels: Time Spent Reading and Daily Word Count

Also known as images that clearly show that I’ve already spent several days only reading the prologue of Island. I’m not sweating. 切那 needs to stop using words I don’t know in succession. More thoughts on this VN far into the future.

Thoughts on Immersion

I can’t really say anything else other that that it works for me, and needless to say if you’re considering this method, remember that the SRS is your friend but immersion should be your one true love.

Prior to all this, I couldn’t even read a sample paragraph from Genki without being confused to my very soul. Yes, I know, it’s embarrassing, but that’s the truth. I was way more scared of failing my Japanese classes than my actual thesis for my bachelors degree, I kid you not. I would quite literally spend all my free time in university trying to understand grammar, memorize vocabulary, and answer my workbook exercises with little to no success. 

I tried so hard to get all the grammar “formulas” into my head for 1.5 years and it only brought me more confusion. I’m never going back to traditional classroom study for language learning, but I will still refer to grammar books when I need to, and not because I feel like I need to answer 4783342 different workbook exercises like my life depended on it.

I still can’t believe it, but with immersion this statement is actually true to a point, don’t try shadowing anime/or calling your boss anime language slurs, use your common sense:

study anime to understand Japanese > study Japanese to understand anime 

Future Goals/Plans

2,200 immersion hours was my initial goal, but honestly I feel like that number could be much higher. There’s still a lot of stuff I don’t understand (news, politics, sciences, etc.), so I’ll make attempts to cover more of those things in my immersion. 

I’ll continue reading more, because that’s a natural SRS in itself. Try to read longer manga, more novels, visual novels, and light novels, and maybe news articles. 

I’ll try to mine as much “JLPT vocab” as I can before making any attempts at taking the JLPT. I noticed that a lot of the words I know don’t appear in the JLPT word lists as much, even though they appear a lot in media/daily conversation. 

Continue mining all words I don’t know because all words are useful anyway. There is no such thing as useless words. I never really understood mining only “interesting words” or words that “pop up” in your immersion. As I said in my previous blog post, 美人局 is an interesting word and I certainly caught it being said in my immersion, but in the three languages I know, I wouldn’t know when I would be able to use such a word, as compared to something like ジャガイモ which is a significantly less interesting word, but is certainly useful to know. 

_

I have managed to talk up a storm, but if you have any questions regarding my process or recommendations for new immersion material, please feel free to send an ask/reply to this post. I love hearing about other people’s language learning/immersion journeys. 

See you on my next post!

[innocent-chris-evans-slut]

The Assistant - Part One

My Masterlist ✨

Series: Personal Assistant - Part One

Summary: Y/N is Ransom Dysdale’s assistant. She’s the closest person to him and spends everyday with him at his house. Usually she gets in at nine o’clock and makes sure everything is perfect. One day he doesn’t want to get up and Y/N goes in his room. She finds a surprise.

Type (in this part): smut, soft anger

Words count: 2,5k

Warning(s): male masturbation, fingering, denied orgasm

“Ransom…fuck” and then a long scream.

A fake scream lead only to faking an orgasm.

Ransom’s house was an open-space and, even though his bedroom’s door was closed, everyone in there could hear -and imagine- what was going on in that room.

Another normal morning in Hugh Ransom Drysdale’s mansion. You drove there from your little apartment in the city center at nine o’clock, once there, you opened the door with the key he gave you and waited for him, and his company, comfortably sat on the couch in the living room.

You openly laughed, careful enough not to let them hear you. When the door opened, you took the papers from the coffee table in front of you and handed then to the girl, without even looking at her.

“What’s this?”

You rolled your eyes, even though she couldn’t see you doing it, and stand up turning around the counter. Once in front of her you took a moment to look at her: blondish, blue eyes, perfect white-teeth smile and perfectly tall.

Yet she faked an orgasm.

“A non-disclosure contract”, you motioned her to sit down at the table and gave her a pen, then you pointed at her where she had to sign, “Thank you”.

“I’ll have bacon and scrambled eggs.”

You had to let a couple seconds pass before answering to her: “I’m not the maid”, then you had to recollect all your killing instincts and put on a fake smile, “Mr. Drysdale won’t be happy to find you here”.

“Why on Earth?” she rested her chin on her fist, “Tonight I rode his cock three time. I made he cum three times. I think I earned the right to have breakfast”.

Once again you had to breathe in and out, “Don’t do that”.

“What?”

“Don’t think you’re the best. ‘Cause you clearly aren’t”, every girl would have left, without even saying goodbye, yet she was there and she clearly didn’t want to leave. “Stay here if you want. Anyway, I’m not the maid, you gotta ask her for your breakfast”, you left the room and entered Ransom’s office. You sat down to your desk and switched on the computer, starting working.

Two hours later you still hadn’t seen Ransom, so you decided to head upstairs and check on your boss.

You hated him since the first moment; his being bossy and sloppy bothered you in every possible way. The way he treated his employees, as well as his family and his friends, and you, it was unbearable. Yet you needed that job, otherwise you didn’t know how to pay your studies. Every morning, in front of the mirror you repeated to yourself: another couple of months. By the end of April, you would have finished your studies at University and, after paying all the tuition fees, you would have been free from the Thrombeys, and Ransom Drysdale. You kept telling yourself that working for them was temporary and sooner or later -preferably soon- you would have dropped the job and not seen them for a long time -hopefully forever.

While making your way to Ransom’s bedroom, you kept texting to your best friend -the only one who knew where you were working- and she had been asking you to join her, and your other friends, to that night’s bonfire.

Y/N 11:26 – I’ll do my best. No promises.

You smiled at the possibility of hanging out with your friends after a long time; with that thought in your head you locked your phone and shoved it in the back pocket of your jeans once you had reached the door of Ransom’s bedroom. Your hand already felt the cold of the grip, when you heard a groan coming from inside.

Was there another woman with him?

You waited before announcing yourself, not understanding what was going on in-there. You knew you could just bend down and peek from the keyhole -being his bed clearly visible from the door.

And you did it.

Yet you weren’t ready for what expected you.

Ransom was laying on his bed -his back against the mattress- and he was naked. Completely naked. You let your eyes wander on his toned chest. As much as you could hate him, there was a little part of you that was inevitably attracted by Ransom Drysdale. Maybe it was his being always self-sure and self-centered that charmed you. As much as you kept saying he was an horrible human being, you just couldn’t ignore the fact that every time he lowered his voice, every time he looked at you, anger on his face, every single part of your body trembled, your heart increased its pace and your brain pulsated in your skull.

You couldn’t.

And it all became bigger when, that morning, you saw him holding his cock in one of his hands, and his phone in the other hand. His fingers were softly, yet firmly, wrapped up all over his long and thick member and they moved slowly, gradually increasing their speed, until his cum spurt out. It was everywhere; on his fingers, on his wrist, on his abdomen and a few drops fell on his toned legs too.

You were frozen in your place. You didn’t know what to do. Should you have entered the room and scold him? For what then? For sexually please himself in his own bedroom? In his house?

You shouldn’t have been there. You should have been in the office, replying to the working e-mails he got and the thousands of texts the many girls he had slept with were sending him -some of those were very inappropriate.

You felt hot and sweaty, your heart-pace had increased, and your hands were slightly shaking. Your legs were about to give up and you could have collapsed from one moment to another, yet you made it downstairs -after having taken off your heels. Once in the office you put them one again. For the rest of the day you tried not to think about what you had seen, but you failed miserably. Every time you closed your eyes, you saw him. Every time you breathe in and out, pretending it never happened. Indeed, it did, and you knew that image would persecute you forever.

“Where’s my sandwich?” Ransom shouted from the couch in the living room. The Patriots’ game was almost done, and he still hadn’t eaten. He snapped his fingers insistently and his personal chef entered the room with a dish and a beer in his hands.

“Here it is, Sir”, he placed the Monte Cristo sandwich on the coffee table in front of the huge plasma-screen TV and handed the beer to him.

Ransom didn’t bother to thank him as he made his way back into the kitchen. He neither took his eyes off of the screen. He was so focused on the game that he didn’t heard your footsteps coming closer.

After a whole day in the office, you finally managed to get all the work done and, pleased with yourself and the job you did, you approached Ransom in the living room. You glanced at the score on the bottom of the screen and saw that the Patriots were losing the game. It certainly had an implication on your boss’s mood, yet you hoped he wasn’t on a bad mood.

“Where are you going?”

You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn’t realized the second quarter had ended and Ransom’s attention was now all on you. You didn’t know when he got up and approached you; he was now a few inches from you -closer than usual.

“Ehm…I wanted to ask if I can go home before, today. I’ll hang out wi-“

“I don’t care what you do”, he said taking one last drink from his beer, “The work is done?” he watched you as you silently nodded in his direction and he caught you lowering your eyes, as if you didn’t want to meet his gaze, “Then, you can go”.

You mumbled a “thank you” very quickly and tied your fingers over the shoulder strap of your white leather bag. You hurried your way to the front door and, as you put your hand on its grip, you heard Ransom’s voice again.

“You liked it?”

You looked around you, confused by his words and asked: “What?”

The smirk you hated showed up on his face and he folded his arms over his chest, coming closer to you, “I asked if you liked what you saw before”.

“And my question is: what have I seen?” you tried to avoid his gaze, yet it was impossible. Ransom cupped your chin and forced your eyes into his. Your mouth dried out seeing his blue eyes becoming darker as they laid on your body. His hand reached your hips and laid there longer than you’d expected.

“Come with me”, he suddenly took a step back and motioned you to follow him upstairs. Then, you realized what was he talking about.

Did he see you that morning? You had been careful enough not to let him see you. Again, you didn’t understand why he wanted you upstairs.

“I-I should go-“

“Last time I checked you get off at nine”, he paused and gave a quick glance at the clock on the wall. Then he put his eyes on you again, “And it is a quarter to nine now”.

You knew he wouldn’t let you go before thirty minutes; so, you placed your bag and took off your coat, before following with him.

Your loud snort made Ransom turn his head towards you and send you one if his angry looks. You apologized and kept yourself a few inches behind from him. You eventually stopped when he stopped, in front of the door of his room, -avoiding banging onto his built body.

He turned to you again and you swallowed hard at the glimmer in his eyes. The situation, the silence and the glance Ransom’s was throwing at you were stressing you out.

“Get in”, he gestured you to enter the room.

You didn’t know if you should it or not? What he even wanted from you?

“I really shouldn’t be her-“ you tried to say, but Ransoms, being a complete dick, pushed you inside and tells you to lay down on his bed, “Hugh, I’m not your personal whore”.

“Can you shut up and do as I say?” he saw you close your mouth and slowly walk up to the bed; you took off your shoes and climbed on, resting your head on the pillows.

As you moved, you smelt his strong scent -a mix of whiskey and musk. You breathed in as much as you can, it swarmed you nose and your head, too.

“Y/N, are you still with me?” As he heard you groaning on his bed, he half-closed the door, “Look at me. What do you see?”

You turned your head towards him and answered: “You?” It came out as a question, though you weren’t asking. You were stating the obvious: you could clearly see him, even if the door was almost closed. You could see his hateful smirk on his pink lips, his eyes fixed on you and his arms crossed over his chest. He was oddly silent, as if he was waiting for you to tell smoothing else.

The you realized.

You could see him.

Perfectly.

“Oh”, you sat up and kept your eyes on him, as he kicked the door open and he was now walking to you.

“Yes, oh”, he stayed there, at the edge of the bed, looking at you -motionless in front of him, “I didn’t know you were a voyeur?”

“What- I’m not a voyeur!” you tried to slip away, but you couldn’t.

Ransom was shamelessly staring at you, wanting to make you uncomfortable with his smirk -which had never left his face since he had brought you in his room- and his inquiring eyes, his hands at his hips and his gold family ring around his little finger.

“Indeed”, Ransom came closer to you, his knee sinking into the soft mattress, “You were so watching me. Your eyes were glued at me. At my cock. You liked it. You liked watching me jerking off”, he touched slightly your cheek as you tried not to let him understand how you were feeling. His touch was so gentle and soft against your skin and his hot breath crushed against your neck, “I gues- no, I know you were hot. You could have gone away, but you didn’t want to. I know what your thought are. I know your pussy was soaked”, without you realizing it, his index and middle finger had undone the buttons of your jeans, unzipped the zip and they were making their way to your panties.

“Wha-“ a moan escaped your lips as his hand cupped your clothed sex. You couldn’t talk anymore; the only thing you could do was moaning as he skillfully touched you through your panties.

“You’re already so wet”, Ransom whispered really close to your ear. He slipped two fingers under the thin piece of cloth and didn’t stop there, “Do you come to work wearing lace?” he let go of the elastic band of your underwear and it hit your skin, “How many times do you dream of riding me? Riding my cock?” Ransom started leaving a trail of wet kisses at the base of your neck, slowly going up, “Did you like what you’d seen?”

You weren’t able to answer his question, guilty the pleasure he was giving to you. His fingers were caressing your folds -more than wet at that point- and his main purposed seemed to be making you admit you’d liked it.

He quickly moved all his weight to his knees and grabbed you by your throat; he chocked you pleasantly, “I want an answer, baby girl”, and he pushed two fingers into your pussy.

Feeling his long and thick fingers inside you, you couldn’t help but shut your eyes and let your mouth fall open. You felt them against your walls, moving around and finding your g-spot -then, you wide-opened your eyes and let out one long moan, “Y-yes”.

“’Yes’ who?”

“Yes, d-daddy.”

Hearing you calling him in that way did nothing by made his cock twitching in his pants, “Good girl”, he didn’t stop. His fingers still in the most intimate parts of your body, now his thumb was rubbing your clit.

You felt the knot in your stomach grow more and more as his fingers worked faster on you. In a matter of seconds, you were about to explode, you would have reached your climax and you would have come all over his fingers. As you were about to cum, Ransom pulled out his fingers from your jeans and sat down at the edge of the bed. He twisted his hand, the two fingers, which had been inside you, were wet. Your juices drizzling from them.

You froze in your place when he brought them to his mouth and licked them -cleaning them up. “It’s nine o’clock. You should go.”

Tag List -open-: 

@sinner-as-saint​

@andreasworlsboring101​