#this too shall pass this too shall pass etc
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save me 3 hours of making a dr who edit and eating a stroopwafel
#its 'the waters of mars' set to life on mars because im really really normal about that episode and that david bowie song#im feeling emotions about dr who which is funny because im currently completely unenthusiastic about things like eating and standing up#today i ate some pasta and frozen peas tho. and a bit of dark chocolate. and ive been drinking water sometimes#yeah idk man i just threw my sleep schedule in the bin and then lit the bin on fire and idek why#i have work in six hours#i kind of hope i get hit by a car on the way there. not like actually but man#im gonna feel tired and awful and completely out of focus#maybe i should take my wellbutrin now and then try to get some sleep#if i oversleep though. god the shame might crush me#this too shall pass this too shall pass etc#thing is. this ones kinda on me#i mean theres External Factors there are always external factors but i just kind of stopped taking care of myself in the slightest#and now im spending about 20 hours a day on a couch#its fine!!! its so fine.#going to work will probably help#something something routine and getting out of the house and being around other people#its a stupid dumb job but it does help me when i get like this. as any job probably would#ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh this too shall pass!!!!!!! god damn it#echoes
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In light of the account hacking adventures, I gotta say, your life is fascinating, but in the way that "may you live in interesting times" is an threat 😂
I need to treat every bad thing that happens to me with lighthearted comedy and magnanimous amounts of It Is What It Is, otherwise I lose the will to live
#wolfy tedtalks#did i spend 3 years cultivating thousands of followers and a community i genuinely love on that account? yes#can i do anything about it? no#alas#this too shall pass etc
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You know you're cooked when you start going "okay i'll study this before i leave for school, and i'll study this on the way to school, and i'll study this during lunch break, and-"
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#i hate when i'm like doing really well & fine for a while and then out of nowhere plummet into the depths of :(#“out of nowhere” well. i have my period but i thought i was trucking along ok T__T#this too shall pass and it's like Fine i'm fine etc but i have been better
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Do any transfems need a spironolactone plug let me know Im coming off of it cause im a man
#Sucks tht i have to do the acne shit all over again#But Im thinking of the end goal over that. dammit im gonna be mad if my body still reacts like that in not even a year#I hate acneeeee good thing im a skincare nut but it drives me crazy when its hormonal and theres nothing i can do#Other than resign into detransition out of fear again. Dont think i want that this time.#Considering how bad my acne was when not on anything at all and with a great skincare routine...ugh...whatever#This too shall pass etc#I cant sit here and hate myself forever
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life's not been good lately. ive been beset by a cacophony of Ails (constant fatigue and exhaustion to the point of being bedridden for most of the day, constant nausea, headaches, shoulder (???) aches, skin rashes (why???? ;-;), irritability, did i mention the exhaustion....) but im like 99% sure it's all just caused by stress so theres rlly nothing much i can do but wait til life gets Less Stressful.
still, it's heavily debilitating. like, here is list of things overwhelming me to tears just this morning
eating breakfast (it's so hard. it's so hard to eat. i know i must, but it's so difficult)
drinking water (it makes me wanna throw up for some reason)
noises and sounds (the house phone rang awhile ago and my heart rate kicked up so panicked as if i was being chased by an axe murderer. my sister spoke to me awhile ago and i wanted to burst into tears because even verbal conversation feels like an insurmountable task rn)
notifs from Everywhere (discord, here, my work grp chats, twitter, my tumblr inbox oh god im so sorry about my inbox so many asks are piling up and im not ignoring you guys i promise im just gonna break down if i try to even read what you guys are sending in)
standing (it makes me lightheaded and dizzy and makes me wanna throw up) (sidenote: wow a lot of things make me wanna throw up these days JS;FKDNS;DKF)
sleeping (I FIGURED THIS SHOULD BE EASY, GIVEN HOW EXHAUSTED I AM, BUT IT'S NOT. IM BAD AT SLEEPING NOW, WHY????? i lay in bed and my breathing is so quick like there is Something Hunting Me Down and it takes me hours to finally sleep and when i Do sleep it's not even Good, i still feel like CRAP)
touch (nobody touch me oh god i will scream. the only exception to this is my cat because he is very soft)
in summary: world overwhelming. help. i hate this. it's been like this for over a week. i want to hide under a blanket or perhaps a burrow in the ground. i want to be like this
#im well aware im having a monumental stress breakdown n im TRYING my best to limit stimuli (working in bed. earphones in all th time. etc)#but the stimuli PERSISTS#EVERYWHEERE. IT'S EVERYWHERE. I /AM/ BEING HUNTED DOWN ACTUALLY#dootdootdoot#i'll be fine i just need this to Pass and It Shall Pass#but while it Has Not Passed i will be here shaking and crying like an abandoned chihuahua at the mall#and complaining online because thats rlly the only outlet i have#lest i start setting things on fire#does having bipolar disorder make me more susceptible to sensory overload or some shit?? is this its fault too?? gah
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I've literally had back-to-back meetings from 8 AM to 6 PM today. My "lunch break" was 10 minutes of hastily shoving sustenance into my mouth while I prepared for one of the meetings.
I've had ten meetings in one day. Ten.
...
And now, to work on my thesis...
#I'm not doing so well but this will be over soon#Hopefully tomorrow after I've sent in whatever thesis I have at that point.... I'll be able to breathe#This too shall pass etc#The shrimp help though#Nagnerd
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I am not currently living my best hank life but I stay silly
#This too shall pass#I will be maximum hank once more#Hank talks#the horrors persist but so do i#Etc etc
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augnggghghg bear with me my brain is fully imploding 👍
#not to give too much tmi but its insane how right now my brain is turning itself into a fucking saw trap#just like full joker mode trying to one bad day me from the inside#&then literally 2 days from now ill be normal. well#ill be anemic.&get all emotional like ''hgugbgbggh what if my oc and his love interest h;eld han.dds'' but#i wont feel like the walls are made of flesh#well!i was gonna call my doctor to ask about maybe i dont have enough blood anyway 👍#so now i can ask for Pill That Makes Your Brain Not The Killing Joke You Once Every 30 Days#&that would probably also fix my blood problems. get two birds stoned etc#this too shall pass#<-like it will. ill be fine. just right now im. augh. augh. augh. augh
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Recent misc pictures
#image 1 - sky of course.. beautiful clouds time. Image 2 - steak and scrambled eggs with a mushroom spinach sautee sort of thing#and an apple fritter (all cooked at home of course except for the apple fritter... still wishing I could ever get food out or have it made#for me so I don't have to do the effort of making it all myself.. it just tastes better sometimes when you're in a relaxed state eating#it rather than a 'just stood in the kitchen for 1hr' state lol). Image 3 - nice gray clouds with the sun through them.#Image 4 - 4 tiny gyoza type things with a tiny Diet Restriction Friendly size portion of iced coffee and a starshaped ice cube#Images 5 - 7 - these interesting flowers I came across whilst walking on a trail. I think the way they grow is cool. And that the buds of#them are so fluffy and such. Image 8 - 9 -- more stinky word counts... aughhh...... Trying to plan a full timeline of when#I might actually finish the game and I'm estimating currently like July 2025 as an insanely optimistic ideal and October 2025 as my very#late one. So likely somewhere in between. Or even later if something happens as things tend to do (computer explodes. etc)#Both are HOT months for oregon so I guess that's what started me off thinking and dwelling on the passage of time and the weather.. grrr#I wish I could be done with it tomorrow or something and then just relax and play sims all winter knowing my work is done lol#But I feel like the impending summer (as well as many other impending societally threatening things) give me too much urgency to be like#WAUGh i need to get this done NOWWW.. But I still wish I could relax and enjoy the winter a litttle. eugh... ANYWAY. I did finish the#discord for the game but I still don't know if I'll use that. I need to work more on the game itself and the itch.io page. But then also#I should probably talk about it or try to cultivate a small base of people (like a discord) who actually care about it and could become#future playtesters so I have that all ready well before the game actually is done so I needn't scramble at the last minute.. If I were#smart. and had social skills. and had energy (< has none of these things). So inevitably who knows if shall be able to muster any such feat#At least I'm getting like.. some words done.. some days. I am making progress. It's just never good enough considering the circumstances#(< looming instability and time passing in what feels like a very fast manner). ANYWAY.. lol... Image 10 - recent game of Price#Is Right Plinko Pegs my beloved game which I return to to play like maybe 2 rounds of once every 5 months... one day I shall win... Though#I'm incresingly uncertain if there even IS a last level. Or if its designed to go on forever/make you fail at a point to keep you playing..#Last two images - CLOUDS again. A very cloud heavy photo diary this time it seems lol#Also trying to: - post a few more costumes from drafts. - make new friend survey thing. - edit videos - make a sculpture. - set up#things to actually sell sculptures. - doctors appointments. - pack up things to possibly move before the summer to an apartment which#will still not have central AC but maybe at least is not west facing (so gets direct sun hottest part of the day and is a greenhouse)#Life is a constant revolving to do list with occasional sleep & looking at clouds in between.. (sigh)(pauses)(slightly more whimsical sigh)#photo diary
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bengals win today yes?
#manifestation post 😊🙏#RIGHT#against a team with a winning streak#🤠#We Shall See#playoffs seem very impossible i can't lie lmaoooo but honestly i just want to see them Play Their Best and idk have fun#last home game this season!! and possible Last Home Game Ever for Some People apparently or whatever#i don't want to know ok. fuck that. fuck that endlessly.#so please win <3 i believe in you bengals i love you <3#insane passing and receiving yards!! insane touchdowns!!! insane passer rating!!!! insane receptions!!!!!!!#break bengals recordssssss#defense step the fuck upppp offense you're going against a savant of a defense is what I'm hearing here apparently lmao so just idk#do your best 😭👍 have fun#to be Honest i don't expect much 😭 because again. savant of a defense. holy shit. and rain?? BUT WHATEVER WE BALLLLLLL#bengals defense 👉👈 time to prove it isn’t just a minute thing okay? okay.#defense when i tell u u need to stop a run game u need to stop a run game genuinely why can’t you tackle. how. how the fuck.#god two more games im so sad 😔#no but really i read the what to watch article and just broke down a bit i genuinely don’t know what to expect#(also look at joes tongue poking out as he reaches out a pinky to ja’marr 😀 ok.)#is it too much too ask for a 60+ td from ja’marr ehehe#like ik its supposed to rain (oh boy) and he’s going against ps2 (oh boy) but i miss it#miss him 😔#anyway did u know mims my beloved favorite child mims is going to play through a broken hand. golly 🤠 and objs back!!!!#just keep everyone healthy i beg#i hope we get a pick six too lmaooooo am i really asking for too much for the last home game of the season against a team with such good#stats and players and with the probability of rain (?) am i really am i. am i.#im so anxious im sorry 😭#anyway hope joe keeps his streak going chase and geno too lol and ja'marr gets to break the rec and td record etc etc bengals win ilu
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6, 10 & 29? :)
HELLOOO
6 - 3 nice things about myself, non-physical and physical. i'll do three each! since i'm trying to be nicer to myself!
physical:
- i got glasses the other day and i think they look adorable, i love how they look on me
- i think my eyes are my prettiest facial feature, they're blue and quite round and i like how i do my eye makeup too (rose pink eyeshadow + small black eyeliner makes them stand out nicely and that's usually what people compliment :])
- i generally like my body shape. i'm working out more too and seeing myself become more flexible and toned is actually really satisfying
non-physical:
- i always try and include everyone in conversation or ask them what they were going to say if they were cut off since i know what it feels like to be excluded/feel like youre the tag-along in a friend group, or be nervous to join in
- i'm good at a range of subjects and tasks and i'm good at picking new things up quickly: new hobby every week core
- i'm a pessimist at heart but i try and make light of situations, since i know that also picks other people up (my mum always makes the worst out of things and it drags my mood down a lot so i try and be as forgiving and optimistic as possible - honestly, a lot of bad situations can be made funny with the right people and mindset. obviously sometimes frustration is warranted and unavoidable, but there's almost always a way out! having it start raining and immediately hear someone complaining for 10 minutes is kinda unecessary imo. enjoy yourself!! its fine!!)
10 - something i'm excited for
well, my friend and i are planning to go on a road trip up to scotland or somewhere similar once we get our drivers licenses and go sight-seeing! we were thinking february next year but we're still deciding
im also gonna try and bake some bread, so im happy for that :] i already bake a lot so i figured id try. also watching stuff rise is fun
29 - morning, afternoon or night
this depends heavily, but for me i stay up at night cause i want to avoid the next day and its the one of the only times its quiet, and the afternoon is a weird spot for me. i'm not really a morning person but i appreciate the morning? the sun's rising and there's still time and everything's peaceful for a little while. so i think morning.
thank you for the ask!! <33
#also man im sorry to hear that school was really shit for you#its so draining mentally and sensory wise and also physically :[#i do hope it gets better in a way#you'll make it through!!!#it wont last forever. this too shall pass etc etc#not equipped for answering#not equipped for rambling#anna#i bought myself a new plant for finally figuring out what uni course i wanna do after a YEAR. A YEAR#i dropped it once on the way home and didnt realise and had to backtrack but its ok shes home safe and repotted#still doing a bit shit mentally i wont lie but i dont feel like dying anymore#so its okay#i have faith in you!! if i can make it through so can you!!#we got this#i now have a goal. im actually? looking forward to the future a little? for what might be the first time in my life#if i get into the london uni i want ill be able to do work in cafes and museums and the library and take trains every day#and im actually. happy at the prospect#it doesnt fill me with dread#well a levels do but thats besides the point#WE GOT THISSSS
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AUGH
#i feel bad & weird i dont like it when my friends arent doing well#it makes all off kilter !!! i need everyone to be okay forever i need to personally pluck out whatever is bothering from their life#i need to give them a HUG :((((#i have nawt been able to concentrate on much because i am simply o-(-(#well. this too shall pass etc etc etc im praying about it
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#sorry to vent post yet again the pms is pms-ing. i am ultimately in the end ok and this too shall pass etc#cw pet death#UNNA IS FINE no worries#i just. i just really miss Pulmu. my baby my sweet old lady. jesus fucking christ#i just. idk i still hold a lot of regret over her last months. i loved her so much I DID but no amount of love#and money and guilt and open mouth sobbing could make her not Old and Sick.#i just refused to see that because i wanted her to be alright so badly#i feel so bad about letting my feelings go over her comfort. i'm so sorry baby i shouldnt have hung on to you as long as i did#of i could change one thing about the whole of world's history it would be that. so you wouldnt have to die scared in a hospital#but i cant do that. i just have to live with the memory#usually i try not to be too hard on myself about it. first of all because beating myself up about it doesnt change anything#and also because i recognize that i was profoundly mentally ill about the whole thing. (not joking)#like i genuinely dont think i have ever felt and been worse than i did when Pulmu was old and sick. i wasnt thinking clearly.#i should have been but i wasnt.#it has been 1 year and about 8 months since her passing and still sometimes i dont know what the hell to do with all that grief#some days i'm completely fine and i can talk about her without problems. and some days i sob into my pillow feeling like i just got shot#ah well. nothing to it but to keep on trucking#i hope she's fine wherever she is.
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Today I've been very brave and I said no to translating a book I really really really wanted to translate, because the pay is more than terrible, and I'm a reasonable adult with bills and stuff, and also I have a minimum of respect for my 12 years of professional translation
But my heart is breaking a bit
#added to my periods and the bad cold#i'm not having an awesome day#anyway#it's not the end of the world this too shall pass etc.#blabla
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god i wish i had been born a boy
#claude's meowing#gripping the edge of the sink staring into the mirror muttering 'this too shall pass'' over and over again etc etc#you get my point
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