#this time i didn't want to say anything about cupcakes being stressful to eat because i was being given a cupcake by the person

[coquelicoq]

i ate a cupcake recently without first spending five minutes talking about how logistically stressful it is to eat a cupcake, so. i am capable of growth

[halucynator]

YOU COULD'VE DIED!

So I had this request and I totally forgot about it and I'm so so so so so so so sorry lol

Pairing: Theodore Nott x fem!reader

Warnings: mentions of weight, anxiety attacks, eating disorder, reader has adhd, not proof read and my writing lol

Request: So the reader a long time ago like when she was eighth/9ish used to be on the bigger side before her adhd meds and then got really skinny and stuff and timeskip to sixth year her meds don’t really work aswelll so she starts getting an appetite that was usually suppressed and she quit quidditch last year because of stress and her biggest fear is secretly getting fat again and she starts to have so much anxiety about it

WARNING: I am in no way shaming any one in this text. You are beautiful the way you are. I'm just adhering to the request. I do not agree with anything horrible about weight or anything else you can think of that is in this text.

I'm also really really sorry if you go through eating disorders or something similar to what's mentioned in this text x stay strong xx you're not alone 💕

Most people have nightmares about psycho killers in white masks with a knife who are really crazily into fictional movies they try to make it reality. Most people have nightmares about falling from really high cliffs with jagged edges that could rip you in half quicker than the speed of the platform 9¾'s train. Most people have nightmares about burning in fires that could kill you probably faster than the Dursleys burnt Harry's hogwarts letters.

But not you. You had nightmares about gaining weight. About being the girl that you were when you were nine. You hated your ADHD but oh those adhd meds really helped you to stop being the obese person you were. You were disgusted by your younger self even though you shouldn't have been.

You sat in the Great Hall processing your nightmare. You knew you had a normal weight, probably even lower than healthy. And yet you looked around at all those pretty girls with effortless hourglass bodies and wished you could look like them. You knew you had a normal weight and yet your dreams, or perhaps nightmares, kept on taunting you about it.

Those thoughts clouded your mind. Filled your head. Over and over. And over. Until you felt like starving yourself. And you'd do that until you fainted and realised it's really unhealthy. But then it'd be too late and this vicious cycle continued until you felt like you couldn't do it anymore. Until you were sick of being yourself. Until you wished you were anyone but yourself. Until y-

"Hey y/n!" Theo greeted you as he entered the Great Hall. He was the first one there. After you of course. He grabbed a vanilla cupcake with strawberry icing and sprinkles for himself and a chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing for you.

"here I got you a chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing. Your favourite." Theo smiled as he passed it on to you.

Even though your heart wanted to accept it, your brain knew better.

"no I'm fine, really! Thanks so much though! I'm full" you replied. as if to reprimand you, your stomach rumbled.

"your stomach disagrees" he chuckled. "go on have it it's fine it's just a cupcake"

You knew he was trying to be a good friend. You knew he was looking out for you at yet it was so hard for you to suppress the urge to scream "just a cupcake? JUST A CUPCAKE?! well, I'll have you know that cupcake contains sugar and butter which stores in your body as fat so you wouldn't even suggest it unless you hated me" you obviously didn't say it out loud. You knew you were overreacting in your head.

"erm no thanks." You politely turned the offer of the cupcake down.

"Ya sure?" He asked one last time.

"yup." You replied.

"alright suit yourself" Blaise said as he leaned across the table to get the cupcake from your side.

You didn't have dinner that night and the couple of nights after either. You knew you should've. But you were so insecure about your weight you just couldn't. So you didn't. And you should've. You really should've.

Unfortunately for you, you realised that too late.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡*:☆

You woke up on a white bed. Where were you? You glanced around. There was no way. You were in a hospital bed. After Theo explained it to you, you realised what had happened. On your way to the dorm you had fainted due to the lack of food. You had no energy left in your body and it finally gave out. Theo had realised you had fainted and had carried you to the Madam Pomfrey's. He looked strangely cross at you.

"T-thanks" you replied to him.

"for what?" He said. "I couldn't save you."

"you kinda did" you said smiling at him.

He pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to you. It was a cookie.

Before you could say no, he cut you off.

"you are eating this cookie right now or I will never forgive myself for letting you starve yourself."

You reluctantly grabbed the cookie.

"you didn't make me starve myself. I did it to myself. It's not your fault." You replied as you broke a piece off the cookie.

"but why?" He asked.

"sorry?"

"why did you starve yourself"

"erm i well i had a nightmare I was gaining weight and I thought I was I had gained half a kilogram since last year and I just thought I'd look ugly and I just didn't want to not be liked by anyone!" there it was. The word vomit. The bundle of feelings inside of you all out to the one person you thought would be disgusted by you if you ever gained weight. The one person you loved.

"Woah! Slow down. No matter how many kilograms you put in you'll never be fat or ugly! I can't believe you let a nightmare lead you on! You can't have an unhealthy relationship with food!" He exclaimed.

"you're just saying that."

"I'm not just saying that. I mean it y/n. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I fell in love with you and a couple kilograms isn't gonna change that." He replied.

"Aw- wait you what?!" You asked realising what he just said.

"I thought it was obvious? I love you y/n. I always have" Theo said. "but I'm still cross at you for not eating food."

"ok ok I'm sorry." You replied.

"YOU COULD'VE DIED!" Pansy exclaimed bursting into the room.

"Jesus Christ Pansy! You almost gave me a heart attack!" You said shocked at her entrance.

But you knew her words were right. And so were Theo's. From that moment you tried to prevent yourself from starving yourself and with the support of Theo and all your friends it was that much more easy.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡*:☆

A/n: the ending kinda sucks lol sorry for the lateness of this x hope you liked it!!

Taglist: @m3ntallyunstable34 lmk if you want to be added to my taglist (through asks or you can message me x I'll always respond ❤️)

[not-poignant]

When I found FFS last year I was in the middle of learning what foods I could tolerate while trying to address GI tract issues. It was a long and scary process. I lost a lot of weight, and it felt like any time I ate anything it would trigger symptoms. FFS was the first and only time I've seen that experience in a story, and it was such a comfort to have that while I was struggling.

Efnisien's condition is different than mine, but some things he went through were very close to my own experiences, like how eating coused symptoms and not eating just did the same thing. Him looking at a hamburger and not seeing food, but something that would hurt.

I'm doing so much better now. I can go days without being in pain. I can eat full meals without triggering symptoms, and when I do have symptoms I have a good guess as to why. I'm gaining weight back, and I'm in a position to help my Dad with his changing diet.

I ate a cupcake for the first time in over a year and it didn't hurt.

I love FFS for so many reasons and I just wanted to thank you for working so hard on it and for being so generous.

Hi hi hi anon,

Firstly, *sad high fives* and lots of solidarity for the GI issues. I have my own to deal with and they're a pain. (Literally!)

I think it's really frightening in the beginning because not only do you have the literal pain / agony to deal with, and the fatigue, and the disruption, you also have the added 'bonus' of not knowing exactly what's causing the issue/s. I remember I got screened for so much stuff, including cancer, and each time a test came back negative, eventually I was left with a diagnosis of 'idk just try not to be stressed I guess' (ironic, because I have literally a severe stress disorder - PTSD).

There's some relief in the days you can eat and it's less painful, or you have a meal, and there's no cramps. I wish more and more days like that for you anon, more days you get to look back and the pain becomes a memory, and not a constant threat.

This stuff is hard, there's very few things as foundational as eating, and disorders that mess with it are the worst. I'm both like... glad I could write someone like Efnisien for catharsis reasons, but also relieved that instead of folks telling me it's disgusting that I wrote about like, him having diarrhea, there's been people instead being like 'honestly same, this sucks, but it's good to know it's not just me.'

It's definitely not just you, anon, and it sucks that this stuff is often a lot more taboo to talk about than say, having the flu, or asthma. And that makes sense, but it still makes it isolating and lonely!

Anyway, I'm very glad you like FFS, and in the meantime, may you have more and more and more times where food is gentle to you! <3333

[stayathomesurveys]

178.

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Yes :)

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? NOOOO.

3. Have you taken someones virginity? No.

4. Is trust a big issue for you? Yeah.

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? No :(

6. What are you excited for? Nothing at the moment.

7. What happened tonight? It is 5:56 am... I'll just answer this for last night/this morning since I have been up all night. I ate dinner, watched a lot of Desperate Housewives, talked w/ Nik, looked for jobs, worked out, had yogurt, doing surveys :)

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? I don't really care. I don't really like when anyone gets really wasted unless I, too, am really wasted. I just don't like being around it!

9. Is confidence cute? It can be?

10. What is the last beverage you had? Diet Dr. Pepper.

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? I'm working on 1 :) which is a big step up from 0.

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Yeah, in storage.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Probably study.

14. What are you going to spend money on next? I need to buy some toiletries and other essentials so probably that.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? NO.

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Yes.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? No one.

18. The last time you felt broken? Hm.

19. Have you had sex today? GODDDD I WISH.

20. Are you starting to realize anything? Hm.

21. Are you in a good mood? Meh.

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? Yeah.

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? No.

24. What do you want right this second? MONEY.

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I don't even know. I probably would never talk to him again lmao.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Kinda but no.

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? No...

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Something on Twitter.

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yes :(

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? NO.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Nooooo I love him sm.

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Yesssss :)

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? PLS I WISH. I used to not drink soda at all..... and then .... I got addicted :(

34. Listening to? Desperate Housewives.

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? No.

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? NOPE. I don't fucking care about that loser.

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? No.

38. Who did you last call? Nik.

39. Who was the last person you danced with? My ex, at his mom's wedding.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I *had* to. He was my boyfriend at the time and I didn't want him to get mad at me for not wanting to kiss him lmao.

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Hmmm.

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No.

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Who hasn't?

44. Do you tan in the nude? No.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? I mean, I would like to take back that entire relationship.

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No. Until he fell asleep, yes. I don't sleep lmao.

47. Who was the last person to call you? Nik.

48. Do you sing in the shower? No.

49. Do you dance in the car? Yup.

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? I tried.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Idk.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Yeah but I like some.

53. Is Christmas stressful? Not really.

54. Ever eat a pierogi? Yes lmaooooo staple in my house.

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Not a big pie girlie unless it's those delicious ass pies from McDonald's lmao. Blueberry and cream for lifeeeee.

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Actress, singer, vet, doctor, fashion designer.

57. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes.

59. Take a vitamin daily? I need to.

60. Wear slippers? Mhmmm.

61. Wear a bath robe? Not lately.

62. What do you wear to bed? T shirt and shorts.

63. First concert? Jonas Brothers.

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target.

65. Nike or Adidas? I like both :/ Nike, I guess.

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Neither.

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Oooooh idek.

69. Ever take dance lessons? No.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? No.

71. Can you curl your tongue? Yup.

72. Ever won a spelling bee? Yes. Winning word was Mononucleosis.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yessss.

74. What is your favorite book? Idek.

75. Do you study better with or without music? Without.

76. Regularly burn incense? No.

77. Ever been in love? Yes.

78. Who would you like to see in concert? TAYLOR SWIFT :( MORGAN WALLEN :(

79. What was the last concert you saw? Jingle Ball.

80. Hot tea or cold tea? Cold :)

81. Tea or coffee? Tea (sweet).

82. Favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip :) Chocolate chip WITH M&M :)

83. Can you swim well? No.

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Not anymore :/

85. Are you patient? Not really but I try.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Probably a DJ.

87. Ever won a contest? Yeah.

88. Ever have plastic surgery? Not yet. One day.

89. Which are better black or green olives? I don't really care for olives, but black I guess because those are the only ones I'll eat and only on pizza.

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Don't really care.

91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room/family room.

92. Do you want to get married? YES.

[kim-poce]

📔 for Eri. Bonus points if its about his new responsibilities and how hard it is to find someone to help Little One

Full House 18 - Dear Diary

Previous | Next

Masterlist

CW: pet whump, death mention, disordered eating mention, fear of food mention, feeding tube, caretaker new master.

=-=

Dear diary,

  Forgive me for the lack of entries the past three days, I had been busy (even if I barely got anything done), but since I got enough time now, and principally since I'm not too anxious tonight, I'll now explain how the last days went.

   Now for context, I didn't want to call Beckett, I really didn't, the fight over the morality of owning a pet (aka A WHOLE FUKING HUMAN BEING) is too clear in memory (and I'm sure that I could find an old journal describing each detail of that fight) so believe me when I say that I wouldn't have made that call if I had another choice.

  The doctors (the "people" ones, seriously I can't stomach how fucked up this all is), anyway, the "people" doctors refused to take the youngest... fuck it, the youngest person that I fucking own in, and I tried to change their mind, be it with my parents' name or money, I tried everything, but it didn't work.

  The "pet" doctors were sick assholes, I swear, the number of times I heard them recommending that I should, and I can't stress it enough, PUT THE BOY DOWN was sticking, and I'm fairly scared of talking on the phone now.

  Beckett was my last, and only, hope. I was lucky that he agreed to come, he swore that he changed his mind about the whole pet thing, and, Dear Diary, don't blame me for my trust issues but after days of talking on the phone with those asshole doctors, I wasn’t so sure if I should believe him. ANYWAY, "people" doctors can lose their license for treating a "pet" and Beckett said he would help anyway so I called him in.

  I, as you know, have been done everything FUCKING WRONG so OF COURSE I fought him, of course he would find out about my plans of "not letting Beckett alone with the boys" and for a second I was sure he would simply go away, I was ready to fucking beg him not to, maybe watching people beg every day lately made me think that when in stress > beg.

   I didn’t need to, tho, Beckett said he wouldn’t simply leave the patient alone, although that from that moment on he treat me as Patient Companion rather than an old friend (as he was treating me before) I won’t lie and say this didn’t make me sad, but to tell the truth, I’m too exhausted to feel anything but despair lately (which proved itself to increase the more tired I am).

   Now, about the still unnamed boy (I swear I want to call him by a real name, but I don’t want to give him a name without his consent) he is… alive, and will (hopefully) stay alive. Beckett put a nasogastric feeding tube on him, which is meant to solve the worst problem (food, seriously, I know they were my parents but I just can’t- forget it, not the point).

   I don’t want to be pessimist, and much less pretend I know those people I’m living with now, but I’m sure the boy will pull it out, he doesn’t care about orders as the other do, if I had to guess it was because following rules never kept the pain away. I don’t want to restrain the boy, but if, once he wakes up, he try to pull the tube out and doesn’t stop doesn’t matter what I say I’ll have no choice, I don’t want to think about it but from the way things are I’m sure I’ll add on his traumas, and I don’t think I can handle it (not that I have a choice but to handle it all.)

   The other boys are on their own for the past days, I know, I’m horrible for not giving them the attention I should, but if I see that door of a man shivering at my feet or that poor guy begging to be hurt AGAIN I’ll fucking lose it. I’m trying to tell myself that I can do it, but do I really? I’m looking up some safe houses just in case, but after those calls I doubt I’ll ever allow other people around them.

=-=

Taglist: @cupcakes-and-pain, @whump-blog, @wolfeyedwitch, @octopus-reactivated, @sufferfictionalcharacters, @rat-father, @badluck990, @onlybadendings, @inpainandsuffering, @mazeish, @neuro-whump, @freefallingup13, @sideblogformindtrash, @extemporary-username, @jadeocean46910, @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight, @melancholy-in-the-morning, @mylifeisonthebookshelf, @neverthelass, @pumpkin-spice-whump, @whumpfessional, @sinning-shipping-trash, @batfacedliar-yetagain, @scp-1296, @dont-touch-my-soup, @endlesscyclezz, @nicolepascaline, @rose-pinkie, @latenightcupsofcoffee, @dyingisbadforyourhealth

[hotchley]

i saw your reblog of the Spencer giving Aaron a father's day card thing and i can't stop thinking about how Aaron is the father figure to the entire team now.

(yes I'm also especially thinking about that one scene of Spencer and Derek stuck in the malfunctioning lift shrieking for Aaron just because. 🥴 dad!Hotch ftw!!!!!)

i know this concept has probably been done hundreds of times already but imagine: (SORRY THIS IS GOING TO BE A REALLY LONG ASK, I deeply apologise in advance)

[tw food/eating habits, some references to murder cases because you know this is Criminal Minds, some slight spoilers for people who haven't really watched the show and also reference & mention of autism & a character on the autism spectrum -> just a heads up, a disclaimer, I'm in no way diagnosed with autism, so if i have misrepresented autism, or made any mistakes, i apologise, it wasn't my intention, and i welcome all feedback & criticism — i genuinely want to learn]

a year after Spencer joins the BAU, Aaron notices & becomes very concerned over Spencer's (super bad) eating habits aka him only drinking coffee and forgetting to eat actual proper food when he gets absorbed in cases or research or reading etc -> which results in Aaron absolutely being like "hey Spencer let's grab lunch together" almost everyday just so Spencer eats (healthy, full meals)

(also Spencer picking up on this after Aaron "casually" gets him lunch/treats him to dinner/invites him over for meals for almost every day of the week and he was initially almost irritated/offended until he realised he could use Aaron's habit to make Aaron himself eat properly too because this hypocritical bastard doesn't eat properly himself either so every alternate day you can see Spencer purposely not going for lunch breaks while sneaking glances at Aaron's office just waiting for him to notice and drag them both to lunch together 😌)

also I really think Spencer is on the autistic spectrum (high functioning, imo, but I'm not really sure how this works, and I'd have to do more research) so I'd like to imagine Aaron knows that too because he's noticed Spencer's behaviors + Spencer got an official diagnosis and told him about it maybe 6-7 months into joining the BAU so I really think Aaron lets Spencer stim (physically, his hand gestures) on their lunch break because he knows that Spencer can't really do that in front of the others, so even when they're on cases, he would take Spencer out either for a private lunch or dinner or something, just the two of them, and he'd let Spencer stim & talk about any subject of his fancy as much as he wants to (I'm pretty sure someone wrote a fic like this and I absolutely can't remember the name or the author but I really LOVED the idea too)

initially Spencer was really taken aback too, because you know, this isn't something you do with your boss, of all people, but Hotch had always meant what he says and his facial expression and body language suggested that he was being absolutely sincere and serious about this, so Spencer tentatively started talking, and as their meal progressed, he eventually got comfortable enough to just go on, and not once did Aaron cut him off rudely, until the end of their meal, when Aaron couldn't continue to pretend to drink his soup because he'd finished it somehow with those incredibly small spoonfuls, and he'd had to gently tell Spencer that they had to go back, but Spencer wasn't upset, because he'd just got over an hour to talk about this recent seminar about the connection of ancient Greek mythology to the developments of the society in ancient Greece which no one had ever done for him before and he's full, satisfied and beyond elated because Hotch really didn't have to do this, but he did anyways

at first it was just something between them but eventually Derek noticed & like in the end I think it's a kind of open secret between Aaron, Spencer & Derek and now when Derek notices Aaron doing it he gives Aaron a small nod and he wards off & deals with the questions that the others have when they inevitably notices the private meals Aaron & Spencer has

speaking of Derek, Aaron definitely has 1 on 1 time with Derek too, but doing different things. Derek's thing is sports & home renovations, and he repairs/maintains cars & bikes when he can, and I like to imagine Aaron knowing about his hobbies and casually asking Derek about the home renovation he's working on one time (before or early S1) Derek came into his office to submit a case file, and Derek being kind of shocked/caught by surprised initially (because he knows Hotch has a soft spot for the kid because he's much younger and much, much more inexperienced but Derek's older and should know better, so Hotch won't do the whole private lunch thing with him, right?) but then he grins and starts telling Aaron about how "I got that place absolutely shining right now, man" and then he invites Aaron over to take a look at the place out of courtesy/habit (his mama raised him as a good, polite young man, and no way Hotch would even say yes right?) and to his surprise once again, Aaron does accept his invitation

after that one time, Aaron begins casually asking him about his projects and even starts offering to help him do some of the painting and decorating (to be fair, it calms Aaron too, to have a getaway from Haley and initially from the crying baby, because while he absolutely loved Haley and Jack with all his heart, some days, some days he just couldn't take it, all the stress from Strauss and from trying to be a good father unlike his own, and he had to take some time off to himself, and painting walls is calming and therapeutic to him in some sense) & Derek and Aaron start bonding over hotdogs while sitting out on the front porch of some halfway remodelled house, talking about the latest sports news (they support different baseball teams but that's okay, because Derek gets to grin at Hotch and ask him to pay up when Hotch's team loses to his, and Aaron gets to raise his eyebrows with that small knowing smirk of his and ask Derek to "complete this by the next weekend, will you" when Derek's team loses to his)

when Aaron recruits Penelope, he's read her file, or what little the FBI's cyberteam got on her anyways. he knows the Black Queen's reputation, and he knows that the cyberteam really don't trust her and recommended high levels of surveillance, but the moment he saw her through the glass of the interrogation room and her resume & application on pink paper, he knew that she's not just what the file said she is. initially, she sticks to the "bureau regulated office attire" because you know, Penelope knows she's lucky, she should've been jailed for what she did, she was jailed, until this Aaron Hotchner guy decided, somehow, that she was deserving to be on his team, even after looking at her resume, which she had written on pink paper out of pure spite (because nothing in the FBI rulebooks said anything about submitting your application on specialized coloured paper anyways) but she was moody and unhappy because she's stuck in this tiny office having to answer the phone whenever agents called to ask for details on icky, gruesome murders and disgusting, vile murderers so she decides that hey, since no one ever comes in here anyways, she might as well do some re-decorating right? so she starts bringing in her own soft toys and figurines and starts amassing a whole collection of soft, plushy, and colourful toys in because it's her office and if she has to deal with all these yucky stuff on a daily basis she's going to make it at least bearable to be in here

one day, some tall, stern looking guy just comes into her office with this Tupperware in his hands saying "hey, Garcia right? my wife made some extra cupcakes for the team, you want some?" and she asks "do i know you?" and he blinks, stands there for one, two seconds before- "sorry, i forgot we haven't actually met. Special Supervisory Agent Aaron Hotchner, assistant unit chief of BAU Team 1, nice to meet you," [i like to headcannon that before Boston & all, Hotch was Gideon's assistant, some kind of assistant unit chief probably, but while he wasn't yet the unit chief he was definitely taking care of most, if not all of the administration matters i.e. hiring new agents etc already because let's be real Gideon is caring & capable but really hands off sometimes (also in S1E1 Derek referred to Gideon as their Unit Chief so I assumed Hotch took over the position full time, officially somewhere between S1E1 and S1E2 or 3)]

and then Garcia's brain kind of short-circuits because holy shit this is her BOSS, aka the guy who somehow, crazily looked at her resume and decided to HIRE her and she just asked him if she knew him OH GOD ALL THOSE FIGURINES- and she tries to explain because she really didn't mean to break any rules with them and they aren't, are they? and she can remove them but just, please, she can't go back to prison.

but then Agent Hotchner just goes "hey, hey, Penelope. it's fine. I understand. this is your office, and you have the right to decorate it. I'm not going to fire you over.... My Little Ponies? and uh, some unicorns?" and Penelope can't help but laugh because he genuinely looks baffled by her collection on her desk, and did he just call her Penelope?

and after that, once, after a bad case that Aaron knew affected Penelope (it involved murdered parents & their only child left orphaned and it just hit too close to home for Penelope), he stopped by a local toy shop and bought the brightest, most sparkly, most colourful thing he could find in there (it ended up being a small figurine of a princess on a small, detachable throne that could light up and play some really funky pop music. Aaron cringed internally as he brought it over to the counter, and awkwardly nodded as the cashier asked, "buying this for your daughter, sir? she's going to love it, it's the latest in a collectable series" and he pretended to not see the questioning eyebrow that Derek gave him after seeing the package) and when he presented it to Penelope when they got back, he got the biggest and most bone crushing hug ever from Penelope because "aw that's so sweet, thank you! and you got me the latest in the collection! it's limited edition!" and it just ended up becoming a tradition — Penelope always looks forward to the end of a case now, not only because that means her people are coming home, safe, in one piece (sometimes debatable but still, they're coming home, to her) but it also means that Hotch has brought her yet another tiny figurine or souvenir to add to her collection and she can't wait to see what it is, and Hotch always, always, finds the time after they've wrapped up the case, before the jet leaves, to pop by a local toy shop to get both Penelope and later, when he's older, Jack some toys or souvenir from wherever state he's in, because he wants both of them to know, that despite all the bad out there, there is still good in the world, and they should never forget that

OKAY this ask is SUPER LONG already i apologise skfjsk i have ideas for JJ & Emily but idk if you'd even wanna continue reading them... (maybe.... give me a sign and I'll send another ask and write it? 🥴)

anyways this was just something that came up and i had to write it out 🥺 sorry for spamming you, i hope you're having a great day/night ahead.

- 🌙

Hi so I'm putting everything below the cut for scrolling purposes x

He is!!

Oh my god, I love that scene. It came up in a TikTok about ships, because Person A and Person B are both very smart when they're alone, but put them together and it cancels out, and it made me laugh.

I also love Dad Hotch. Like I love him as much as I love "fighting to keep his emotions in check because he needs to be a leader, but you can tell from the slight change in tone, or the slight glaze of his eyes that he's seconds away from crying" Hotch. Which is saying something.

DON'T APOLOGISE FOR LONG ASKS!! That's what the keep reading on posts is for :))

Oh I love how much Hotch cares about Reid, and of course Reid uses it to his advantage to get Hotch to do the same, because they're similar in that way. Also, he would definitely start grinning when Hotch looks down at his empty plate like: oh. Platonic Hotchreid is everything to me, because it's these two people that have been caretakers their entire life trying to look after another person that wouldn't let anyone do that and it's just... the HOTCH ANGST POTENTIAL THAT IS SO UNTAPPED!!!

Also, not a criticism of you, but from what I've heard from people is that functioning labels are harmful and shouldn't be used because it misrepresents the situation!

I love that idea though!! And Derek being protective over them so he's just like: no, you won't interrupt them, and I will take control of the situation for a few hours AAH!!

OH I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT MORGAN AND HOTCH BONDING!! It's so perfect!! I love the idea of Morgan teaching Hotch to do things, and Hotch realising how relaxing he finds it to do these things.

And because we can't have nice things: he refuses to go after Foyet breaks into his apartment because he doesn't deserve peace, but then Morgan just uses his key, drags him out, takes him to a house and presses a brush into his hand because he's not going to let his friend self destruct like this.

EVERYTHING ABOUT GARCIA!! OH MY GOD!! I need to get some work done, so I'm going to finish up there, but seriously!! Amazing!! I love the idea of Hotch getting her little figurines and stuff <33

(shameless self promo, she does the same for him in "and he will come back home" hehe)

I would love to hear the Emily and JJ ones!! I hope that's the sign you need :)

Don't apologise for spamming I was having a dull day, and I hope you have a good day too!

[bumbershots]

A CERTAIN ROMANCE

CHAPTER FIVE: A SPECIAL DAY

Author’s note: Hello! We have finally reached the awaited date between Harry and Alma. I was really excited for this chapter, hopefully you will enjoy it as much as I did, forgive me in advance for any mistakes, my beta reader (my boyfriend) was unavailable, so this is a good time to say that if anyone out there has the time and willingness to beta read any future chapters send me an ask or message to let me know. Enjoy! (:

Story masterlist ** Word count: 2.6K **

Harry wakes up feeling excited, nervous and hungry. He takes care of the latter, decides to make some blueberry pancakes, turns out he can't eat more than two and a cup of coffee. Not that the pancakes weren't great, in fact they were fantastic, he even decides to brag about them on an Instagram story that is published for his close friends only. Nick quickly replies to it with a laughing emoji.

You should take a Tupperware full of them to your date ;)

The reason behind his excitement and nerves make his heart race, he decides to type in a polite 'fuck off' to his mate before heading to the shower. Under the warm spray of water he tries to sort out his thoughts. Harry doesn’t want to think about his upcoming trip to California. 

It was necessary for the album or so he thought last week, after going through a box with the very few memories he kept from his ex. He wasn’t in a right state of mind then, he feels pathetic. The only reason why he wanted to spend time in Los Angeles was because everything there —from the pavement to the sky— was tainted by her. 

Why would he want to go back to that place where the constant reminder of his pain was literally living in the same neighbourhood? Because it would provide him the cathartic release he was looking for. That’s the line he used after Sarah and Mitch tried to dissuade him from flying across the Atlantic and Harry was so proud of himself when it worked. 

That very same day, he got the first text from Alma, it was the address like she promised. ‘In case one of your talents isn’t stumbling upon my work place ;)’ the second text read and Harry had to endure Sarah’s questionnaire about the girl that made him blush with a mere wink emoji. Not that he minded talking about her, he could go on all day.

He usually preferred a shower before breakfast, usually even work out before then but well, hunger clouded his judgement earlier today. Even with that taken care of that dread still niggled him away. Just slightly. So, he decided to pick up his guitar for a moment and strummed. There was no real intention to play seriously, or to write anything down on the journal by his desk. It was more of something he enjoys too much not to do it, a way to keep his hands and mind busy, faffing around with chords. With a bit of luck he might come up with a song, a tune which just worked, that just... clicked.

Contrary to what people might believe, genius didn't strike him here and then. Not like when he'd come up with Sign of the times or Two ghosts. But finding a neat little pattern of chords a good thirty minutes later makes him smile, it's something he can work with. It needs a little polishing from Mitch and company, sure, but it has a good rhythm. He scribbled down some notes on his journal and sent the audio to his fellow musician.

Maybe he will find the words in one of the old notebooks that are somewhere in the other room, perhaps on the ones that are still on his unpacked suitcase from Japan. Silently he also hoped to find the lyrics around London. He had lived in the capital for a few years now, but he had been different then. Now he likes to think that he's a man, no longer the teenager from the boy band or the shiny new solo artist. He has new perspectives, sights, smells in this new home of his. New ideas.

Harry gazes out his bedroom window; the view is not great –mostly of the other houses in the complex. His mind focused on the cloudy sky, confused because he swore it was sunny just a few minutes ago, can bet on his life that he woke up to dazzling sunshine rays of a warm yellow colour peeking through that same window. He puts his guitar away on the bed with care and makes a beeline to his wardrobe. He needs to figure out what to wear, pronto.

Skipping her afternoon kip was not something Alma did, it was a rare occurrence which meant one thing: something special was happening.

Walking down Oxford Street, trying to decide where to get some lunch without a care in the world, that was until the calmness faded, when her schedule for the day hit her.

She had a date with Harry. A date, with Harry Styles. It was weird to go by his full name in her head, she couldn't bring herself to call or think about him as The Harry Styles.

Maybe she'd settle to call him Harry the tube guy.

The clock on her phone showed that it was no longer single figure hours, she needed to get some food now or starve until her shift was over, and then he would have to watch her feast at whatever place he chose. Alma groaned, thought how ridiculous it was to worry about him watching her eat. Harry was a grown man; of course he knows that women eat too, right?

Walking into the nearest Sainsbury's she decided to take a deep breath. He's just some guy, she concluded after paying for her chicken baguette. Nothing to stress about.

Harry showered again, while belting out some classic pop tunes. Namely Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears, something that in the past he'd swear blind you'd misheard and it was actually The Rolling Stones or Pink Floyd. But he'd come to terms that he liked what he liked.

Towel clad in the bedroom, trying to shirk off hypothermia, he was quick to put on some pants and jeans, before throwing on some simple white tee proclaiming some fading band name. He uses a dry clean towel from the closet and attempts to dry his hair, as he styles his flopped mop the thought of a haircut crosses his mind. It was getting a bit long.

One last look at the clock and he is ready to leave. "You'll be fine. Trust me." He quietly speaks to himself before closing the last few buttons of his green parka and fixing the newsboy cap on his head.

When he walks out of Colindale tube station, a little earlier than half past five, he sees the bakery from her instructions just below the large modern building Alma was kind enough to describe. She was right; the bakery is right across the street, he waits for the green man to light up to cross, shoving his hands in his pockets. The huge front windows of the establishment allow Harry to see her behind the till, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks. She looks better than she did three weeks ago. He hesitates about going in for a few minutes, but feels it ought to be better than to lurk on the street.

Alma can feel his presence the moment he sets foot into the shop, her eyes are drawn to him and a content close lipped smile is the best greeting he could ask from her. The only customer in the place can feel the shift in the atmosphere when they lock eyes. So, picking up her bag full of baked goods, she steps out and leaves them alone.

"Sorry if I'm too early." He begins while she takes off her apron and hangs it in the back wall.

"You're right on time," Alma says after checking her watch, "I'm off Carlos, see you tomorrow!" She hollers to the employee that is taking a non-allowed nap in the back. Harry holds the door open for her and follows out of the warm store. "Shall we take the tube?" At his affirmative response, she then takes out her Oyster card and leads the way.

The café was not somewhere Alma expected Harry to go, the little shop with soothing music and simple stools full of the scent of organic coffee brewing is dazzling and unique. A bit like him, she thinks. She liked it. It reminded her of the places she used to frequent when she had recently moved into the city.

Harry orders a black coffee at the counter before asking Alma what she'd like.

"A cappuccino, and remember I'm paying for our food," she hands him a tenner that he reluctantly takes from her.

"Absolutely," he iterates the order to the woman behind the counter and adds two salted caramel cupcakes handing over the cash. "If you get a seat, I'll bring it over."

Alma thanks him before scampering across the room to sit at the back two seat table tucked in the corner. It was right beside the large back window, dimly lit. Before she sat, she removed her signature burgundy coat and Harry couldn't help his eyes being drawn to certain aspects of his companion. Nice arse, he remarked with a raise of his brows before the woman behind the counter tells him for the third time that his order is ready, a look of disdain as she probably caught his gaze. Giving her a sheepish smile to appease her, he manages to balance the two plates and mugs in his hands and walk over to the table.

"They asked if you wanted whipped cream or foam and I settled for foam, hope that's not a problem." He plonks himself on the seat across from her, removing his parka in a clumsy manner before hanging it in the back of the chair.

"No problem, I actually despise–

"Whipped cream, yeah, I kind of remembered what you told me about that birthday party of yours," the green eyed lad finishes for her and scratches the back of his neck. "You know with that dare..."

Her eyes flickered down to the cupcakes laid out before them and she started picking the caramel out of one, hoping to hide the nerves his words caused.

"Right enough, yeah... I can't believe you remembered that or that I told you about it." She chuckled nervously at the anecdote she chose to share with him, it was a bit inappropriate due to the amount of vomit around it, literally. But he shrugged with a charming smile. No big deal. "Nice place," she noted.

"I know it's a bit of a strange choice. It doesn't strike me as, you know, the kind of place you put so much effort into for a first date..." Harry stops talking and now his eyes meet the cupcake in front of him. "Bollocks I must have sounded so daft, I'm sorry." Lucky for him, she doesn't laugh, instead she reaches out to stroke his hand and give it a gentle squeeze.

"Nothing to be sorry about, I can be quite daft so..."

"I doubt that Miss suave." He gets a laugh out of her then, one that is almost a snort and earns a few glances from other customers.

"I’m far from it! Honestly, I once accidentally stepped on dog shit and didn't notice until my date couldn't bear the stink anymore and checked my shoe, in a very fancy restaurant. Terrible story. Trust me, I can be daft." Alma held up her hands and the musician giggled at her.

"Promise you won't laugh?" he raised an eyebrow at her, pleading. She promised. "Well, I kind of always wanted to have a first date here. It's always one of the first places I visit when I'm back in London, the food is amazing, and service is excellent. Came here completely hung-over after my twenty-first birthday party. I guess it has a lot of good memories." Pinked cheeks gave away Harry's embarrassment, he wanted to relax and for her to be more comfortable around him.

With a sincere smile Alma placed her hand over his resting on the table. "I think that is very sweet." This reply was not what he had expected; she leant in and beckoned him closer. "For your information Harry, this is exactly a great place for a first date." Up close he swore the darkness of her eyes were about to swallow him whole and spit him out to an alternate universe. He swallowed hard and took a sip of his coffee to distract himself a bit. Perhaps caffeine was not a good choice on a day where his heart was speeding so frequently.

"Did you have a good day today at work?" he asks with a familiarity that Alma can get used to.

"Yeah, had a bit of free time to plan my next video blog. It's been ages since I uploaded one." She bashfully admits. "This cupcake was delicious, a great flavour choice." And just like that they fall into easy conversation until their cups are drained. The place is almost empty around quarter to eight and they both know it's almost closing time –the death glances from the employees behind the counter gave it away. They put on their garments again before leaving.

Harry makes his way to the door expecting Alma to follow. Instead she first gathered up their mugs and plates, to place them neatly on the counter and thanked the three workers behind it with a genuine smile. Harry looked surprised; she didn't quite have to do that. She noticed.

"Just being polite," she stated the obvious, before walking under his arm that held open the door. He chose not to comment and fought back a smile.

They stood outside, not really sure of what to do next. Usually he would suggest going back to his place. It was near, but he watched her yawn discreetly and he suddenly remembered that she had a real job, well actually jobs in plural. He broke the silence.

"It was nice to see you again Alma." He meant it and she smiled as she toyed with the buttons of her coat. British summer weather was hardly cold, but today it seemed to be punishingly windy. Harry near gave a shiver, but instead took a deep breath before speaking again. It was now or never. "It'd be quite great, if I could... I'd like to see you again. Please." He shifted on one foot, nearly drowned in the silence that followed.

"I'd quite love to see you again," Harry gave a slight gulp, very slight and got out strength from the words she spoke to take a big risk, the first of today.

He stepped closer and cradled her face in his hands before leaning down and kissing her cheek. It wasn't the full on kiss he wanted to give her. But it is something he'd been dying to do since he first saw her today, something he hoped would make clear how attracted he was to her. Harry smelled like coffee and caramel. God this man's lips are prettier up close, she thought right before he straightened up.

She stayed close to him before speaking again. A low murmur so that the passing London traffic wouldn't steal her words from him.

"This was an amazing date."

Alma walked with him the long distance of one mile to the tube station, their hands brushing against each other. He was desperate to just hold hers, kiss her soft knuckles and ask about the lightning-shaped scar on her little finger. But decided against it, he knew that West Hampstead was not a common area for paparazzi, but he didn't want to risk her. Especially after the splendid afternoon they just shared.

They said their farewells.

"I'll call you," he said again. She warned that he better, before entering the station, he took great delight in watching her walk away from him, his gaze falling once more to her bum now covered by the coat. Harry spun on his heel and walked the short distance to his home.

Surely London could help him find the lyrics for that tune, this city definitely had something.

///

Let me know if you like the story! *** Join the taglist!

///

TAG LIST: @laurxn-robinson​ @mellamolayla​ 

[steeltoss]

Pre Shippuden — Shippuden Era

Ages 16 - 22. This is a continuation of the events in Hokkaido's life.

Age 16

I left off on her six month mission in Konohagakure. Backtracking a few months before she turned sixteen, she worked directly under Tsunade Senju amd had slowly reconnected with her old friends, including Neji Hyūga, Kiba Inuzuka, Ino Yamanaka, Sakura Haruno, Shikamaru Nara, and Choji Akamichi.

That being said, her sixteenth birthday was spent in the Hidden Leaf. The party was small and planned by Ino, complete with a few cupcakes and dango. This was the first birthday she enjoyed after Emi passed away.

Speaking of Emi, Hokkaido constantly worried over Ichika and often wrote letters to the younger one. After all, next year Ichika would start the Amegakure Academy.

Aside from her mission, nothing too big happened this year. Though she found out Sasuke was missing. He had become a Rogue Ninja. Okay that's pretty big but still.

Age 17

Upon her journey towards Amegakure after the six months had passed, the Kunoichi had taken it into her own hands to search for Sasuke. She strayed off the path she should have been taking to go to the Hidden Rain Village.

From here, she runs into some nasty company.

This was the first time she met Pein and Konan. And they looked like they were ready to end her.

Upon activating her sharingan, interest was sparked in her by Pein. She was spared on one condition. Well a few, but one big one.

She was to join the Akatsuki, accept the Rogue life and abandon her old life. This would mean abandoning the Hidden Rain and Ichika.

But on the other hand, maybe she could find Sasuke. She had no clue just how wrong she was. But she agreed nonetheless.

So she was taken back to the base, fron there, she met the other members.

Okay don't kill me but here's what happens when she first meets the Akatsuki: [her opinion and relationships will change over time]

Pein: Of course when they first met, she was intimidated and activated her sharingan, but being spared and hopefully brought closer to her brother, she would do anything he asked, for now at least.

Konan: Seeing her special skills, Hokkaido was intimidated but wouldn't admit so. She seems to be the only female here.

Deidara: I'm sorry Dei, but my little angel thought you were a very beautiful lady until you spoke the first time. Needless to say, she was rather shocked but admired his hair and explosives anyway.

Kakuzu: one word. Fear. This man is huge and crazy tall, also his personality reminds her of what its like to bite into a crabapple.

Hidan: she admired his dedication, but didn't like how he greeted her with “Fuck, there's another one? At least this one has a decent rack”. She punched him. And threatened his life only to find out he's immortal.

Tobi: well, he's very hyper and welcoming at least, but she wondered why he wore that mask.

Kisame: is he a man? Shark? Man-Shark? Either way, she kept a distance and admired his strength from afar.

Sasori: puppets are completely and utterly horrifying and she wanted nothing to do with this weird puppet man. Until she saw how red his hair was and her cheeks dusted a pale pink. It reminded her of someone she met a few years ago.

Itachi: . . . Her brother. Her brother, who had killed the clan was in the Akatsuki. Upon seeing him, she wondered if it was too late to leave the Akatsuki. She rurned her nose away and sighed.

Zetsu: “are you a. . . Big, adorable plant man?” i think it's safe to say Zetsu stared at her and quite possibly closed his trap around himself to save himself the embarrassment or black Zetsu threatening to eat her.

Back to Age 17

Sasuke wasn't with them, and she felt like shutting down completely. She was now at square one again. She had hoped this was her ticket to helping her brother, but ahe didnt know he didn't want help.

And honestly, you can't help someone who doesn't want any help.

Aside from her mind overworking, she now had to face Itachi as he was staring her down.

“hey, Itachi... ”

From there, the two walked around as he explained what really happened that day. She was torn. The Leaf had ordered this massacre?

Maybe she wasn't ready to go home after all.

Age 18

On her eighteenth birthday, she had spent her very first one with Itachi in nine years, and she oncr again, was crying those sappy happy little tears.

She never really expected a group of terrorists to the villages to get her gifts, yet they had.

Konan had gotten her a pair of fingerless gloves; Hokkaido appreciated the gesture because her hands were usually cold and Konan usually got things she needed or wanted anyway as the two had become closer.

Kisame had given her her very first katana, which, she undeniably adored the gesture; and she was extremely pink cheeked, she wasn't in love with him but she really liked his caring and understanding attitude.

Tobi had gotten her a mask to match his, which she never would wear; instead, she retaliated with offering to share dango with him instead. Which results in him squealing.

Sasori had claimed he didn't give a damn about things she wanted but still placed a small wooden figure of well, GAARA, in front of her; which led to the idea he had read her diary and had fully embarrassed her. But this little figure was different. Gaara was dressed as the Kazekage.

Deidara had picked her up some paint; remembering she hsd spent endless nights she couldn't sleep to paint her ceilinv and walls, and was out of it.

Zetsu uh, well, gave her a few seeds for flowers. It was for a joke since he figured she would never use them, but she held o to them. Just wait. These gifts will be brought up later.

Kakuzu, and i can't stress this enough, didn't do shit.

Hidan, on the other hand, tried offering immortality if she converted to jashinism.

Itachi had saved his for last. He had gotten her a journal and pens, as well as her stuffed panda from Amegakure.

A part of being an official member of the Akatsuki meant missions. And she had completed several, but what made her panic would be the one where the hunt for Jinchuuriki began.

It was a silent battle with herself. She had already dedicated herself to the Akatsuki but she knew two Jinchuuriki. Gaara and Naruto.

The day Gaara's One Tail was extracted, she covered her mouth upon hearing those certain words.

“He's dead”.

As if she had been hoping her life wouldn't get worse, she had already made up her mind. She really, really despised Deidara now. And she knew she would be killed if she straight up abandoned post.

However, on her next solo mission, she managed to leave a scroll for the Hokage and wanted word passed silently between the Five Kage's. She was playing both sides as of now, but desperately wanted out.

Would they believe her?

No. Not yet at least.

Age 19

Silence. She had succumbed herself with silence, almost like a vow she had taken. Deidara, Sasori, they were dead and war was coming.

She promised herself she would hate Deidara for what he did to Gaara, but she couldn't help but feel pity. Deidara was only a teenager when he died. [I think he was nineteen?]

With the Fourth Shinobi War coming, she was scared. Having no idea what to even do, Hokkaido assumed she would die.

Because I'm a lil bitch, I'm making you wait until she turns 20 for more details.

Age 20

The Akatsuki was no more. Almost all had died, and Hokkaido felt a slight empty feeling in her heart as she sat in front of the Five Kage's.

This was judgement. Would she be allowed to repent and become a better person or be banished forever, or die? Her mind was going wild.

Though, she couldn't help the feeling of ease as she saw Gaara, the Kazekage and boy she used to know, standing and perfectly fine.

“During the time of my extraction, I could see she wanted nothing to do with the Akatsuki organization. She looked almost forced to be there”.

The words Gaara spoke made her face turn pink and look away. Why was he trying to help her when she had fallen into the wrong group of people?

As if she hadn't already felt like she had succumbed herself in a repetitive cycle of falling for Gaara each day she thought about it, him helping her only dragged her deeper into the pit.

And Kami, he was so beautiful.

“and I'd like to offer that if you don't trust her, that's fine. She can return to Suna with me and Kankurō. She can build herself from there”.

So she moves to Suna and begins working on herself as a person, much of the things she had thought about was the very questions Gaara had asked along the way.

“why help me?” she had asked, the gaze he gave her was hard but he responded with: “you aren't the only one who was in the wrong. It would be wrong of anyone to not let you change yourself. I was given a chance and was once feared and hated, so can you answer this for me, do you wamt to live? Do you want to start a new beginning? If so, keep walking with us”.

And so she walked.

Age 21

Life in Suna was much different than the Hidden Rain or Leaf. Not many people would contact her or look her way for the first few days. After all she was an outsider and reformed terrorist.

Hokkaido had grown close to Temari once more, as well as Kankurō. These two, when free, helped her with the adjustment.

Hokkaido had left Amegakure behind, the ache in her heart subsiding as she realized Ichika had grown into a decent young child and chose to not become a shinobi, considering shinobi had too many hardships and heartaches to deal with.

As for Gaara, the two often spent time gardening and cultivating cacti.

Something from the past had finally been planted. The flower seeds Zetsu had given her way back on her birthday spent with the Akatsuki.

The katana that Kisame had given her was placed on a display.

Her Traditional Japanese Sword Display

The katana which is the most recognized full sized samurai sword and is often the first piece in any collection. It sits at the bottom and has a beautiful violet ito handle wrap.

The second would be the wakizashi which is a mid-sized sword that resembles the katana and the ito handle wrap was midnight blue.

Then the third which is a tanto. The tanto is the shortest of the swords or in many examples can be as short as today's standard survival styled knife. The ito wrap is black.

This is an example of how the stand is:

Age 21

The mask Tobi had given her had brought up bitter memories and had long sense been tossed into a storage box.

Her fingerless gloves had been destroyed during the war, but since she used them for swordplay, Temari had gotten her a new pair as a gift.

The wooden figure Sasori had given her of Gaara was more or less embarassing since she lived with the sand siblings and had hidden it away in the storage box.

Her panda sat on her bed, displayed and untouched except for during the night.

Age 22

Upon the next year, Hokkaido watched as relationships blossomed between many people, marriages and children coming into the world, she began wondering if she would ever have something like this in her own life. She highly doubted it.

Having been back and forth from Konohagakure, she grew closer to Shikamaru once more from childhood as she often joined the male and Temari on days they'd spend time together.

Other times, Hokkaido would stick to Kankurō and help with making puppets, she rather enjoyed painting them.

And occasionally, when Gaara was free, the two would still garden together and had began talking more, sometimes the two would even go out to the village and walk around together.

Her feelings for Gaara seemed to only hrow stronger as she had grown older, and she imagined herself having a future with him. It always made her heart hammer and her face turn blood red.

This year, she had cut most of her hair off to her shoulders as it had grown too long. She soon admits her feelings to Gaara, unsurprisingly, he was silent.

She most definitely assumed she blew it, but nearly a week later, Gaara had shyly asked if she would allow him to court her.

This was most definitely the beginning of a new and beautiful relationship.

I'll pick up with pre boruto - boruto era soon. Though im not sure if these are even good. @temarihime @thefifthkazekage @how-troublesome @houndninja

[memesiders]

Part 2

Death x OC Office AU

(I'm so glad you guys seem to like this, thank y'all!!!)

It was only when I had gotten home and changed into pajamas that I realized my phone wasn't in my bag.

After a twenty minute search, I had decided that my phone must've fallen out when Strife pushed my bag out of the chair. I thought I'd picked up everything, but I was wrong. I didn't want to go back, so I decided that I'd call there and ask when my sisters got home. Until then, I made myself comfortable on the couch and started binging some baking competition show. It only helped a little in distracting me from my thoughts. The receptionist job had been the latest in a long line of job offers I'd been turned down for. Not even a dishwashing job had wanted me.

I didn't know why I was so unlucky with jobs, and I hated to think of how disappointed Safiya would be. She called in a few favors to get me that interview and I'd blown it. No, that asshole had done that.

Thinking about Death brought a scowl to my face, and the anger that had left me in that elevator slowly started bubbling up again.

"What's his deal," I asked myself out loud, rolling off of the couch and heading to the kitchen. "He thinks he can just treat people like that? Like they're not worth his time?" I yanked open the fridge and blew out a hard breath, shaking my head. I grabbed a blueberry yogurt and shut the fridge with a little more force than necessary. "What a prick," I grabbed a spoon out of a drawer, "and he barely even looked at my resumé.

"Like he already knew he wasn't gonna give me the job."

I slammed the drawer shut as I finished my thought and angrily shuffled back to the couch. "Who the hell does he think he is?" I plopped back down and tore the top off of my yogurt, licking it off and eating a spoonful. Why was I so bothered by this? "He probably thinks he can get away with anything because he's powerful and good looking..." I pictured his face in my mind; his strong jaw, defined cheekbones, and piercing eyes the color of fiery cinders... Not to mention the muscles hidden beneath his clothes.

Wait, what was I saying? I shook my head quickly and focused back on the show, finishing my yogurt. I just needed to get laid or something, not think about assholes. Although that was hard to do when I shared a room with a sixteen year old.

"We're home!" I jumped upright as the front door swung open, slamming into the wall as my little sister walked in. The action reminded me of Strife and I couldn't help but let out a soft snort. Neema tossed her backpack onto the couch next to me and fell into the recliner, swinging her legs over one of the armrests. "Today was absolutely terrible." I arched a brow at her and smiled.

"Oh, and why is that?" I asked, moving her bag to the floor.

"Go ahead and tell her why I had to leave work to come grab you," Safiya said grumpily, locking the front door. She had a bag of groceries in one hand.

"I told you it wasn't my fault! I didn't start it, I just finished it." I looked between the two, noticing the disapproving glance Safiya gave her. Neema rolled her eyes and looked at me. "Some girls were picking on Lyriel and calling her a half breed, so I hit them."

"Not only did you hit them, you broke one of their noses!"

"They deserved it! No one calls Lyriel a half breed and gets away with it!" I cracked a small smile at her outburst.

"Well I think it was justified," I said, reaching over to high five her. Safiya groaned and went into the kitchen, muttering something under her breath. I chuckled and propped my feet up on the coffee table. "So, was Lyriel grateful for you defending her? Maybe she gave you a little kiss on the cheek?" I laughed as Neema's light brown cheeks started to redden, her eyes narrowing in annoyance.

"Shut up," she muttered. "You know she didn't."

"She might have if you told her you liked her." Neema groaned and shifted in the chair, rolling her eyes at me.

"She's my friend; I can't just tell her I've had a huge crush on her for the last five years! What if it ruins our friendship? What if she only likes boys? Do you know how awkward that'd be?"

"Hey, you'll never know unless you take the leap!" She picked up the recliner pillow and threw it at me, a smile gracing her face. I laughed and blocked it from hitting me, clutching the pillow to my stomach. Neema's crush was so cute, but I understood her hesitation. The one time I'd confessed to my friend I'd liked him, he told me he was disgusted by the thought of dating a human, and then had slowly disappeared from my life. Not the best example for her.

"What about you? Why haven't you gone out with anyone," she asked, quick to change the subject.

"I have to focus on finding a job before I go back to dating," I answered, throwing the pillow back at her. It hit her in the face and she laughed, tucking it under her legs. "I can't focus on dating when I can't even afford to help chip in around here."

"Speaking of job," Safiya piped in, appearing from the kitchen. "How did the interview go? Did you get the job?" My smile fell and I thinned my lips, leaning back against the couch. Safiya sighed disappointedly and took a seat next to me. "Really? Again?"

"It wasn't my fault," I rushed out. "The dude made me wait an hour and he was a total asshole!"

"Was he hot," Neema asked. "The hot ones are always assholes."

"Smokin'." She 'ahh'd' and nodded, shooting a finger gun at me.

"It doesn't matter if he was an asshole or not," Safiya hissed. She rubbed her temples and leaned back. She suddenly looked very tired, and I felt even worse about my actions earlier; I might've been able to talk him into hiring me if I hadn't flipped out. "We barely have enough to pay rent this month. I don't know what we're gonna do for food until my next paycheck; I spent the rest of our money on food for this week." Neema frowned and crawled out of the chair, coming over and pulling Safiya into her arms.

"We'll be okay," she reassured her. "We're always okay, and if I need to, I can try applying at McDonalds or something." Safiya sniffled and patted her back, shaking her head. Now I was feeling even worse.

"I left my phone there on accident," I said softly. "I'll go back tomorrow and try to talk with the guy again. I'll apologize and maybe he'll give me a janitorial position or something." Safiya smiled a little and grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. "I'm sorry, Saf."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," she said, squeezing my hand again. "I've just been stressed lately. I'm trying to get as much overtime as possible and taking double shifts left and right. I guess I've just been burning myself out. I'm sorry for being so upset with you..." I gave her a small smile and crawled over, joining my sisters in a hug. Safiya laughed and wrapped one of her arms around me. "We'll just have to make it work.

"It's nothing we haven't faced before, right?" Neema and I voiced our agreement and the three of us stayed like that for a while, just hugging each other. I would definitely be going back to that place tomorrow, and I'd do everything in my power to try and get a job, even if I had to suck someone's dick; I had to do something to help my family out.

We untangled ourselves after ten minutes, Safiya excusing herself to go change out of her work clothes. Neema and I laid back on the couch, flipping through Netflix and Hulu to decide what to watch next.

"We're not watching another cupcake show," she said, trying to grab the remote from my hand.

"We're not watching another anime either," I replied, moving the remote further away from her. "You got to watch it all day yesterday!"

"I'm only halfway through Fullmetal Alchemist!" I opened my mouth to tell her too bad when there was a loud knock on the door.

"Can one of you get that?" Safiya shouted from her room. Neema and I stared at each other.

"You get it," I said, still holding the remote away from her.

"No, you get it," she said, struggling to grab the device from me. "I had a long and hard day at school."

"I had a long and emotional day being interviewed." She scoffed and crawled on top of me, grabbing for the remote. I laughed and pushed against her, stretching my arm as far out as I could.

"Gee, thanks you two," Safiya said, appearing from down the hall. She walked past us and plucked the remote from my hand, continuing to the door. Neema and I both whined and turned to see who was here. She set the remote on the side table next to the door and opened it. "Hello, what do you wa-?" She stopped suddenly, her face paling slightly. Neema and I stretched our necks, trying to see who was at the door.

"Is it another door to door salesman," Neema asked, crawling onto me again to try and see. I grunted and fell against the couch, groaning.

"Get your big butt off of me," I demanded, voice muffled by the couch cushions. I could barely see Safiya.

"Good evening," a familiar voice said. "Is Miss Banks here?"

"Depends on which one you're asking for," Safiya answered, seeming to have recovered from her momentary shock.

"I met her earlier today and it seems she forgot something." It suddenly clicked.

"What the fuck is he doing here," I whispered, shimmying out from under my sister. I climbed over the back of the couch and ran to the door to make sure I was correct. Sure enough, there was Death, looking as handsome and calm as he had when I'd first met him. His eyes met mine and I bit down on my tongue, holding back the tirade of curses I wanted to let loose on him. You have to stay calm, I reminded myself. Try and get a job.

"Nice to see you again, Miss Banks," Death said, looking me up and down slowly. I suddenly became aware of the fact I was wearing unicorn pajamas shorts and had not one ounce of makeup on. Embarrassing, to say the least. Not that I'd let him know that. I placed my hands on my hips and tipped my head up.

"Mister... Death, sir," I replied, immediately wanting to crawl into a hole afterwards. He chuckled and I felt my cheeks warm, the urge to run away starting to creep up on me.

"Sir is just fine." I snorted and Safiya smacked the back of my head, warning me to behave.

"Would you like to come in?" she asked politely.

"For a moment, if it's not too intrusive." She waved him words away and stepped aside, pulling me with her when I made no move to let him in. He entered slowly, looking around. What, was our apartment not nice enough for him? Was he going to berate the decor? "You have a lovely home."

"Thank you, can I offer you some water?"

"No, thank you, I won't be here for long. I just came to see Aziza." The way my name rolled off his tongue gave me a weird sensation, like feathers tickling my skin. He looked at me suddenly and I briefly wondered if he'd somehow noticed what his voice had done to me. "Can we speak in private?" I wanted to tell him no, to twist his arm behind his back and throw him out like he'd had Amber do to me, but I couldn't; if there was any way I could possibly get a job, I had to bite my tongue and be a good girl. I nodded at him and motioned for him to follow me, heading to mine and Neema's room.

Our room wasn't the cleanest, honestly, but it was about as private as we could get. He walked in after me and closed the door, looking over the room with a disapproving stare.

"Why did you come," I asked, knowing that both of my sisters were probably eavesdropping. Death reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a cellphone; my cellphone, to be exact.

"I heard this meowing under my desk," he said. I blushed and took the phone from him, muttering a thank you. "I'm sorry about my brother; he's always an asshole."

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree apparently," I muttered. His eyes narrowed and I sighed, my shoulders dropping. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

"Yes you did, don't apologize." His words were matter of fact but there was a kindness in his tone. "I... Regret, how I acted today. The way I treated you wasn't entirely fair." Was that an apology I was hearing? "The truth is, I hate hiring new people.

"I've been avoiding finding someone new for a while now." I cracked a small smile; I could understand that. "Amber informed me that I might have been too harsh, though I don't see how." My smile dropped slightly; he was really bad at apologizing. "I took another look at your file. I think there might be something you can offer to me after all." I perked up slightly.

"I'll see you at 9 AM sharp, Monday morning," he finished. He nodded and turned, opening the door. Neema and Safiya stumbled into the room, falling over each other. Death looked down and them and then to me, smirking. "Apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I couldn't hold back the giggle that rose in me. He said goodbye to the girls and stepped over them, heading to the door.

I ran into the hallway. "Wait, does this mean I got the job?" I called after him.

"Why else would I tell you to come?" I smiled, my lips stretching across my face. He waved without looking back and shut the door behind him as he left. I was buzzing now.

"Wait, he gave you the job?" Neema asked, sounding as shocked as I was. I turned to them and nodded.

"I have a job!" I jumped onto them, joining them on the floor. We hugged each other tightly, Safiya screaming about how happy she was. This was my golden opportunity right here and now I couldn't blow it.

I wouldn't blow it.

[hyucksoftie]

so it's a date? | johnny

genre: fluff

words: 800+

requested: yes

desc: he liked your cheesecake, but he liked you more

request me!

—

Ding. You perk up and set your phone down, eyes on the door that just now opened. When you see who walks in, you grin and wave, a small tint of pink dusted on your cheeks. "I'm assuming you want your regular order?" Johnny nods, giving you a smile of his own. You turn around to whip up his usual, french vanilla coffee and a slice of your oh so famous cheesecake.

Johnny had been coming into the cozy bakery you work at for a while, long before you were even hired. You'd only been working this job for about 2 months, always wanting to pursue in baking.

When you told a customer that you were the one making the cheesecake, you became quite known with the regulars of the bakery. They all loved your cheesecake. But despite having a few to choose from, your favorite regular was always Johnny.

Maybe it was his warm aura that you could feel since the first time you met him. Maybe it was his way of always being able to make you laugh, even on a bad day. Maybe it was his stupidly handsome face that always made you blush. Or maybe it was all of the above. It didn't take you long to realize you had a schoolgirl crush on Johnny; the way your cheeks would warm up just at the sight of him told you all. Even now, while you were getting his order you blushed.

"So how's today been for you?" You cut a slice of cheesecake, carefully plopping it onto a plate. "It's been okay. There haven't been a lot of customers today so I don't stress as much." Walking back to the counter, you set down his order and offer a smile. ”That's great. I'm glad you didn't run out of cheesecake today. I thought I wouldn’t get some because I came later than I usually do,” he says.

”Boss always makes me make at least two, knowing how popular it is among the customers. It does mean I have to wake up early to bake them but it’s worth it seeing my baking make someone's day.”

Johnny takes a bite and nods. ”It definitely makes my day.”

This was a usual occurrence, Johnny would come in, you would give him his order and you two would chat away at the counter. Before you worked there he would just sit at a table and drink his coffee & eat his cupcake.

Now that you were here, coming to the bakery was a much better experience. You were cute, fun to talk to and you just happened to make the best cheesecake. Coming here became the part of the day he most looked forward to. Being with you became the part of the day he most looked forward to.

”Oh wow, thank you-” The bell rung, indicating that another customer had entered. You excuse yourself and go over to tend to them. You'd much rather stay talking with Johnny since this time of day was the only time you got to talk to him, but you had a job to do. You also never found the courage to ask him out.

”I’m gonna get going Y/N, it was nice talking to you today. I'll see you tomorrow.” Johnny waves at you and you hesitantly wave back, your question caught in your throat.

Right as he was about to exit, you yell out. ”Wait!” He turns and you feel your face grow hot, cursing at yourself for even listening to your mind. The customer you attended to is also watching, looking at you and then looking at Johnny. ”Yeah?”

...

”I was wondering- it’s okay if you don't want to because you don't have to, of course, it's your choice but- I was wondering if maybe, I don’t know, you wanted to maybe go grab lunch or something?... I understand if you don’t, that's fine, I’m just throwing it out there.” You anxiously wait for a response, anything.

He smiled and starts laughing softly, and you having the worst mindset, feel your heart drop. Of course he doesn't want to, you're just the girl who talks to him and bakes the cheesecake. You're not special. ”You were rambling there for a sec, Y/N.”

You stay quiet and look at the ground instead of him. ”I don't get what you mean, though. Of course I’d like to have lunch with you, who wouldn’t? It’d be nice to talk to you for more than 5 minutes for once.”

”So you’re not like, weirded out at my offer?” Johnny shakes his head, that goofy smile still on his face. You smile back and let out a sigh of relief. ”Great, because I don't know what I’d do if you were.”

”So it’s a date?” Your eyes widen at Johnny’s words. ”U-Uh yeah. It’s a date.” And a date it was.

[jedimaster941]

A Declaration of Lost Independence

A Declaration of Lost Independence

As we get older, as we live life, like stone eroding under the power of crashing waves, our bodies break down. And as our bodies break down, we become more and more unable to do things. Sometimes not to the standard we once did, and sometimes we lose the ability completely. We lose things that bring us joy, and we lose things that bring us to life. Whether it be slowly or quickly, we all lose our independence. Aging is something, like it or not, we have all signed up for. We will get older, our bodies will break down, and we will lose our overall independence. It’s not ideal, but we understand it to be true.

For Chronically ill people, however, we can lose our independence rather suddenly, and it has absolutely nothing to do with natural aging. If someone aged 78 years has trouble walking, getting dressed, or going to the bathroom, very few would question it. But imagine you are 28 years old and you have the same difficulties. Think of how you would feel. In this article I will discuss the ways in which people with chronic illness lose their independence in the areas of physical, mental, social, and dietary, and the toll it takes on us when the things that we should be able to do becomes out of reach.

*This post features responses from chronically ill patients whom I asked…*

------------------------------

Physical

Loss of physical independence is the area that most people think about when illness takes over. It is at least the most public. People see wheelchairs, walkers, canes, crutches, and handicapped placards. They are also readily aware when someone takes a little longer to stand up, when they have trouble buttoning a shirt, or their handwriting becomes illegible. If someone gets to know a disabled person well enough they may also become aware of PIK lines, feeding tubes, and colostomy bags among others.

When someone is chronically ill/disabled their bodies are the primary victim of their disease. In one way or another, our bodies are malfunctioning. As my primary care physician said to me once, “We are all getting older, you're a just doing it a lot faster”. (If anyone is curious, I did not take offense, I appreciated that he acknowledged my illness and my lack of certain abilities)

Our independence is very much directly lost in these examples. We lose the ability of climb stairs, walk short distances, wash ourselves, cook food, and one I’d like to discuss a little more, exercise.

Doctors and online experts tell us we need to exercise. I can’t disagree with that. Exercise is important to keeping what we have left tip top. However, when we can’t climb stairs, walk short distances, or wash ourselves, how do you expect us to get the the gym to do some Cross Fit? I know for me, exercise of any kind hurts and has lasting effects. Some of my readers may remember how not long ago I walked a peppy poodle for half a mile and my legs hurt for three days after. This wasn't from being out of shape, this was due of my condition. Yes, exercise, but understand sometimes it's more harm than help.

I used to be a distance runner, a golfer, and could give the best piggy back rides. Now, due to Ankylosing Spondylitis, I can’t do any of that. And believe me when I tell you, that hurts me mentally as well.

Mental

With chronic illness and disability there comes a mental toll as well. Both in the areas of cognitive ability, and depression.

First, let's touch on cognitive ability which will then (as all of these sections do) we will move on to depression.

I imagine many of my readers are already well versed in the words and terminology used in the discussion of chronic illness. However, if you are new to this world, let me share a term that I, and all of us use probably on a daily basis: “Brain Fog”.

Brain Fog is exactly what it sounds like, a thick layer of fog on your brain. You know how hard it is to see through a covering of fog? Now, imagine that fog is in your head and your brain is trying to see thoughts, feelings, and ideas through it. It’s not easy and often things are lost.

Brain fog is caused by pain and the inability to actually shut down and rest. When people go to sleep their bodies and minds go into power saver mode to recharge, refresh, and do diagnostics checks. However, what happens when you drink caffeine, or you eat a big meal before bed? Well, if you can sleep, your body has now been given other things to work on. The caffeine makes your heart work harder, and your body needs to work to digest that big meal. So what happens? You don’t wake up rested because your body never actually got any rest. The same thing happens every night for people with chronic illness, but without the caffeine and steak dinner. In my case, with Ankylosing Spondylitis, my body is always working to fight off a foreign invader known as the lining between my joints. (I guess it’s actually a domestic invader) For most of us, because of constant pain, we can never get comfortable and even when we do sleep, we aren't actually resting. This lack of true sleep causes our brains to process at a diminished rate limiting our abilities to remember, problem solve, and function.

When I go to the doctor, I bring my wife. Not because I need a supportive hand, but because I need a partner and coach to help me tell the doctor what I need to say, and then remember what the doctor tells me. There have been times I have come home from an appointment solo and either forgot what treatment we discussed or, through my fogginess, made up something completely different because I could have sworn the doctor said she wanted to try bloodletting. (Or was it Methotrexate? I can’t remember) Although I love my wife, and I will always welcome her to join me at an appointment, I'm 37 years old, I shouldn't need someone to be my brain while the doctor checks out my body. While I am not depressed about this, this loss of mental and physical independence can also lead to depression.

I used to run, and I loved running. When my health got worse I took up walking long distance. However, only a few short years later, I couldn't even walk short distances without great pain and weakness. I was 34 the last time I walked with any kind of purpose. Far too young to lose so much ability. When I see people out running, or I drive past the local health club with overly large windows, I get sad longing for my glory days. When I watch American Ninja Warrior I’m sometimes heartbroken. Believe it or not, I used to be able to do stuff like that. It’s crushing to think that somebody actually has the freedom to wake up in the morning, pop up out of bed, and then think to themselves “Well, I think I will run 10 miles, shower, go to work, spend an hour at the gym, play with my kids, and then get 8 hours of restful sleep before doing it all over again.” Here I am thinking, “I hope I can get out of bed.”

Chronic illness can take a great toll on our mental state and subsequent independence.

-------------

Diet

With the chronic illness life, more often than not it seems, comes a list of dietary restrictions. 90% (not actual figures) of life comes from our gut. What we eat and drink. Other than breathing and IV treatments, it’s the only way anything gets into the factory known as our bodies. So, there is much stress put on us by our doctors, friends, family, TV, and the woman on the corner to eat right to better our condition. And not everyone is wrong. There are certain things that improve or worsen our condition. We will listen to the “experts” and try certain things. Excluding things like sugar, dairy, nightshades, and gluten. Or “fad diets” like Paleo, Keto, Vampire, or Atkins.* We might even try Kale! Many of us will try anything if it means we reduce our pain and get a little life back. But, the more foods we give up, the more independence we lose.

Personally this area has been my biggest struggle. Two years ago I went dairy free at the suggestion of a nutritionist, and one year ago I totally cut out sugar. And, I won’t lie, excluding both of those have been fantastic for me! I may not always notice the improvement, but if I happen to slip up on purpose of by accident, I certainly notice then. I am solid and confident in my sugar free/dairy free life, and for the most part I am happy.

However, this does not mean everything is butterflies and unicorns. I still struggle as I’m sure many many of my chronically ill brothers, sisters, and non-binary siblings do. Two examples: My birthday, and the ice cream aisle. On my birthday my co-workers wanted to know what to get me for my party. Typically the birthday treat is cupcakes and fudge. Hello sugar and milk! After much thought, I received the treat of peanuts and pickles. (And I didn't complain) However, it didn’t mean it didn't hurt. My co-workers needed to avoid yummy delicious treats because of my AS. They were supportive, but it didn’t mean I didn’t feel like a party pooper. As for the ice cream aisle, they have dairy free ice cream, and they have sugar free ice cream, but as a friendly store clerk told me, diary free & sugar free ice cream isn't ice cream. I'm out of luck there.

When it comes to dairy and sugar, I have lost my independence. People need to accommodate for me. Oftentimes meaning they might miss out on what they want. When my school does nacho day, frozen custard day, cookie day, etc for staff wellness days, I’m the only one not well. I could tell the people that sorry I can’t eat this, but that opens me up to feeling bad for making them feel bad.

Or when you need to find out if a restruant is accessible. Many would think that with all the handicapped parking spots all places would also be accessible. This is not always true. I have seen places where the "accessible" table is in a door way or up against a wall. The freedom to go to any restaurant one wants is never a guarantee.

When friends want to go out those of us with diet restrictions need to be “that guy/girl”. The one who has hard opinions on what we can eat. Ever stand behind the person at Starbucks who insists on soy milk and Stevia? Have you ever thought “Just take your coffee and drink it! You're holding up the line!” Yeah, that’s us, the ones holding up the line. Doesn't feel good.

We are jealous of those people who can eat whatever they want. Go to any restaurant, order anything off the menu, and even have dessert. This isn't about gaining weight, it's about being able to get out of bed in the morning.

Social

The next topic of how we lose our social independence ties into the three topics above and any others I have not mentioned. Humans are meant to be social. We aren't bears where we can just crawl into our cave and sleep for a few months. If any human crawled into a cave, nobody would be friends with them. Why? Because interacting is one of the standards of human life. We need other people! Sure, there are the mountain folk who go out, kill a deer, make clothing from it, light a fire and live their life in seclusion. (And there is nothing wrong with that) But, most humans need other people to cook our food, make our clothes, work on projects, drive us, and socialize purely for fun. The problem is, for many chronically ill people, getting out of the house and socializing sounds equal to climbing up and living in a mountain.

We are exhausted! Chronic illness takes a lot out of us! Every day can be a struggle to move, breathe, think, and complete other daily activities. Showering can be one of the most difficult activities for some. Doing laundry is pure hell! When most people hate it for the fact they have to do it, for me, folding makes me want to die! Seriously, I don't fully know why, but it hurts so much and takes so much out of me. After doing everything we have to do, we don’t have energy left for what we want to do.

I come home from work, my shoes come off, and I’m done! Very little is going to convince me to put my shoes back on and go out with friends when all I want to do is sleep. Because of this, many chronically ill people are forgotten. We bail on friends two or three times, and they just stop inviting us. But, then we have a good day, we are ready to accept an invite. Do we take it? No. Why? Because, we feel good now, we don’t know if we will feel good later.

Chronic illness symptoms can come in waves. We can have good days (or at least the start of a day) but then we drop. We don’t always know why we drop, but our feelings and mood are in no way guaranteed. So, we don’t risk it. It’s far better to be at home near our bed than 30 minutes away with a group of people you will need to apologize to for leaving early. Declining the invite or simple ghosting is far easier and less harmful to our psyche.

-----------------

Chronically ill patients lose all sorts of independence. We can not truly live free with AS, Fibro, EDS, POTS, Lyme, MS, ME or one of the many other chronic illnesses that totally sap us of life. We are not free do do as we like.

While others wake up and get to choose between running, biking, partying, fixing cars, eating amazing food, and/or playing with their kids. We wake up and.. well.. that's it.

In closing. If you know a person with a disability/chronic illness try to be understanding of their limitations. Don’t give them a hard time when they can't do everything you want them to. Our lives are hard enough dealing with all the independence we may have lost.

*I might have made up one of these diets

[beaniebaneenie]

I'm just gonna say it:

I don't give a shit what Shitty's real name is.

It has absolutely no relation to any of the half a dozen lingering plot threads, any of the on-again, off-again conflicts, the homophobia-that-is-only-present-when-it's-convenient-for-plot-reasons, or even Bitty's fucking thesis.

It's not a cool fact about one of the POC characters, or one of the female characters (we don't have any nonbinary characters or disabled characters or not-conventionally-attractive characters to give facts about, so that point is moot). Just another throwaway detail about another cishet rich white guy who hasn't been a main character for a year and a half of the comic.

Not knowing Shitty's real name is part of who he is. It's one of the very few things that make him stand out as a cishet rich white guy- he has this Thing where you don't know his actual name. It's a little mystique- it's fun. It's quirky.

And, speaking of in-verse logic? Shitty wouldn't *want* you to know his real name. There's a reason he doesn't use it. We don't have to know what the reason is, because (see above point) IT HAS NO BEARING ON THE PLOT OR STORY WHATSOEVER.

I really, really don't give a shit.

It's a totally meaningless throwaway carrot-on-a-stick, frosting-without-a-cupcake.

I want the plot back. I want to know how Bitty is handling being the first out NCAA captain when he can still apparently barely take a check, even though he's playing first line on a D1 team, and how that stress is affecting him (and his relationship). I want to know how his thesis is coming, because he is supposed to be at Samwell to get an education, not an MRS degree, and I'd love for him to be able to have something to fall back on if being a WAG doesn't work out.

I want to know why Coach is there without Suzanne. I want Bitty to address his father's casual racist microaggressions (because even if Coach is trying, and it does look like he is genuinely trying to connect here, you can still be racist when you don't mean to be).

I also want Bitty to start unlearning his own shit- because he hasn't grown as much as he thinks he has. He claims he's gotten so much more self-confidence, but he still has a pretty serious hangup on equating "People Eating My Food" = "People Love Me", and that's a problem. Especially seen in his total disregard and disrespect (that's right, I said it) for Whiskey's boundaries. Newsflash, Bitty: Whiskey has told you very plainly why your behavior bothers him, and instead of backing off, you doubled down. I'd be pretty upset too.

I want to see Bitty get called out for outing Whiskey to Jack.

Because that's what happened. And it was 5000% not okay, and Bitty had absolutely no right to do it.

I do want to see Kent show up again, but not if it's just to have Kent be the only one who apologizes and takes total blame for everything that went down. You will never hear me say that Kent didn't say some shit at Epikegster he shouldn't have, because he did. But who among us can truly say they have never *ever* said some mean shit, especially when we were hurting and angry? I know I have.

I want to see apologies from both Kent *and* Jack. Because before he started fucking Bitty, Jack said, "we both owe each other a lot of apologies." (After he started fucking Bitty, it changed to, "we hooked up a couple times and he never got over it." And that friends, is called Revisionist History To Make Me Look Better Than My Ex To My Current Boyfriend.)

Anyway, this got long. But yeah, I don't give a shit about Shitty's name. Because ultimately, focusing on Shitty's name instead of anything that could make this story as meaningful as it was (and could be again!) is a huge metaphor for the way the entire quality of the comic & story as a whole have completely tanked, and I'm just so *tired*.

look i’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. we’re all sleeping on Barrington as shitty’s name. 

is this a raven cycle reference? ofc it is. 

doesn’t mean i’m not right.

[levelfivegay]

You didn't reblog it but you've got to do the questions now it's only fair you demon

i hate u and also myself

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?  as of rn the last person i texted was my grandma so n o

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? strangely enough no but we normally talk everyday

3. Have you taken someones virginity? nice one

4. Is trust a big issue for you? if we’re being honest idk if “big” covers it

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? i dont really like anyone rn? so no

6. What are you excited for? death

7. What happened tonight? well tonight is my mom’d birthday dinner, so theres that i guess?

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? no? i mean to an extent its gross when anyone gets really really wasted but

9. Is confidence cute? dude hell fuckin yeah

10. What is the last beverage you had? some crisp ass water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? like 1 (one) person but even then its iffy

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? all i own is skinny jeans. literally nothing besides skinny jeans and sweat pants.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? today is saturday so tonight im gonna eat mexican food and cake and probably have a crisis.

14. What are you going to spend money on next? ideally, class specific D&D character sheets

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? i aint ever kissed someone so no, me and the void arent currently an item

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? yea probably

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? im never comfortable talking to anyone about anything serious. literally never. but my #squad (kayla, brittany^2, anna, this u) is the best.

18. The last time you felt broken? literally always

19. Have you had sex today? good one

20. Are you starting to realize anything? at this very moment im realizing how much i regret speaking to you literally ever

21. Are you in a good mood? relatively, yes

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? yes! either in a controlled environment to have fun or in the ocean to die

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? yes. greeny eyes.

24. What do you want right this second? death, but also like a refill on my water

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? i support the void kissing any person they like

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? yeah, ive never dyed my hair before 

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? ffff.... nah i dont think so. laughter/humor is a fundamental part of my life.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? watching u suffer and answer all these questions but also specifically “i dont sing. I perform.”

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? does my will to live count?

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? this really depends on the mistake

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? yes, joe

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? i’ve professed my love to the void so yes.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? kinda wish i was, but im always a slut for root beer

34. Listening to? that playlist of songs white people always get turnt to

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? im in high school m8 yeah

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? yes, the void

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? no

38. Who did you last call? kayla. forever ago. i dont call people.

39. Who was the last person you danced with? *chad voice* i dont dance (i white dad dance at random intervals but i dont think i’ve ever actually danced with someone)

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? the void is irresistible (why are there so many questions about kissing this is embarrassing)

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? too long ago

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? ahhahha no

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? im literally always embarassed and the void is always watching

44. Do you tan in the nude? no, i tan when i swim

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? i cant have -1 kisses

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? nah

47. Who was the last person to call you? my mom

48. Do you sing in the shower? yeah

49. Do you dance in the car? im never in the car alone so like.. no

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? nah i fucking wish tho

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? fffff september? for senior pictures

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? sometimes they are but i love em

53. Is Christmas stressful? dude yes

54. Ever eat a pierogi? cant get enough i love them

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? peach and cherry

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? strangely enough, an archaeologist still. indiana jones had a big impact on me as you can see

57. Do you believe in ghosts? ehhhh no. maybe one day.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? all the time

59. Take a vitamin daily? i should but alas

60. Wear slippers? only at the cabin

61. Wear a bath robe? nope

62. What do you wear to bed? the same shirt i wore during the day and sweatpants

63. First concert? never been to one

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? target

65. Nike or Adidas? neither

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? peanuts during winter, sunflower seeds in summer68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? dont really listen to her and i cant name one i really like off the top of my head69. Ever take dance lessons? mandatory ones for school70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? maybe theyll b a professor too and it’ll be like some bad fanfiction71. Can you curl your tongue? i can only make one sad taco72. Ever won a spelling bee? nope

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? yeah.74. What is your favorite book? what the fuck kinda question is this75. Do you study better with or without music? with, but it has to be classical music or movie soundtracks76. Regularly burn incense? no77. Ever been in love? im 17 wtf no78. Who would you like to see in concert? my chemical romance rip79. What was the last concert you saw? never been to one80. Hot tea or cold tea? no tea81. Tea or coffee? i dont like either really82. Favorite type of cookie? them real soft sugar cookies with icing u kno the ones83. Can you swim well? yeah i was on swim team for 2 years. Still my favorite sport.84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? kinda have to

85. Are you patient? depends on the thing, but mostly yes

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ, i dont want the band to have to learn the shrek soundtrack87. Ever won a contest? im too much of a loser88. Ever have plastic surgery? nope, never want to either. unless i can fix my stupid fucking fingers with it.89. Which are better black or green olives? you cant just ask a question like this i love them both90. Opinions on sex before marriage? you do u but b safe 91. Best room for a fireplace? living room92. Do you want to get married? i mean, eventually probably? if i meet someone i’d like to spend the rest of my life with. but it’d have to be a long ass time after we’ve been dating? cuz i wouldnt want to get divorced. I wanna know theyre the one u feel?

anyways fuck u @obijoekenobi