#this thing’s longer than resonance now which feels wrong

[tamamatango]

To Chase a Butterfly Chapter 9 Release

Fanfic update! Chapter 9 of To Chase a Butterfly is out now! The rest of the cast is back and Kururu is going through it ;w;

To everyone who has expressed interest and left feedback, I can’t thank you enough! I really never expected this completely out of left field fanfic to receive such glowing reviews! That being said, please don’t be afraid to leave concrit if you have any! There’s a lot going on in this fic and I’m doing a ton of types of scenes I’ve never tried to write before, so don’t be shy if anything’s leaving you scratching your head a bit or not quite hitting the way it’s supposed to. I’m an editor, I promise I can handle it :P

[shivunin]

Breath and Bone

After Rook is injured in the Crossroads, a spell gone wrong makes the injury dramatically worse. With Rook unconscious, Lucanis must help her reach the Lighthouse and safety.

(Lucanis Dellamorte/Rook Ingellvar | 6,360 Words | AO3 Link | CW: broken bones, implied past child abuse)

“It's never enough being one. Why do I hope to contain you: always undoing and undone; every place you touch me changes shape.” —Robert Fanning, “Song of the Shore to the Sea”

“Nice one, Rook!” Lucanis shouted from the other side of the clearing. 

Rook, stepping back from the fresh corpse she’d just driven her spellblade into, did not have the breath to respond. The Crossroads was a dizzy thing, ridden with a resonant hum. When she fought here, she could feel it all through her, as if the place was singing in her bones. It was easy to get lost in that rhythm. It was especially easy when she was fighting like this, Venatori swinging blades everywhere she turned, no space at all to breathe or strategize.

A missile hissed as it passed her, and Lenore summoned a barrier just as a second might have hit. Somewhere behind her, Bellara shouted something she couldn’t hear. Days like this invigorated some of the others, she knew. After battle, Taash or Davrin seemed energized, as if the adrenaline rush of combat clung to them a little longer than the act itself.

It wasn’t like that for Lenore. Death was a familiar friend; killing was an entirely different creature. She had long since accepted its necessity. That didn’t mean she loved the fight. Quite the contrary, in fact. If there had been any other path for them, she would have taken it a hundred times over by now.

She ducked nimbly, drawing a miasma of death from the ground to drive the nearest foes back. They choked and gagged at its touch, so familiar to Lenore, and staggered away from her. 

The field had been whittled down somewhat. As she watched, Bellara waved her arms to draw the attention of an assailant. When the warrior turned to fight her, Lucanis appeared behind him as if from the air itself and drove a blade neatly between his ribs. 

This! This was what she’d been working toward! It was so heartening to see that their group combat practices were paying off, that their techniques and strategies were interlocking so effectively. She would have to bring this up to both of them later, because it deserved to be pointed out. She would—

Something struck her leg, midway between her knee and her ankle. There was an ominous crack somewhere in that region and an answering swell of pain. She’d made the first, most basic mistake in combat and taken her attention from her enemies. Luckily for her—for all of them—her instincts had been honed by the constant fighting, too, and she reacted without thinking. Lightning arced from her hand and spread, striking the one who’d hit her and spreading to the two behind him. One toppled immediately, arms splayed, eyes hollow. The other shook, caught in place as the power coursed through them, and crumpled to the ground a moment later. 

“Nice try, filth,” said the one before her, and swung his blade at her again. 

Not good. She could barely put weight on her leg, which would dramatically hinder her maneuverability. The pain was getting to her already, crawling from her leg to her chest and choking her lungs. She couldn’t think straight; needed to do something to fend him off. Something—

He swung again, and her shield flickered into existence just before the blade would have connected with her forehead. Her reserves had been drained by the lightning, and they drained further as he added a second hand to the hilt of the blade to bear down on her. 

Lenore gritted her teeth. Her head felt fuzzy, her face clammy. She hadn’t the strength to hold him off now. She barely had the breath to hiss between her teeth, let alone call out to one of the others for help. Healing magic was out of the question—she’d never had the knack of it. 

None of them could heal, really; up to now, they’d mostly been working around this with potions. Not for the first time, she wished she’d formed the sort of bond with a spirit that might’ve given her this skill. Alas, her talents lay elsewhere—her hands had always been for death, never life.

Wait. There was an idea. 

In the Necropolis, inhabited skeletons often encountered the sort of damage that cracked a bone or two. There were spells to mend them when this sort of thing occurred, and materials to patch missing pieces if necessary. She’d learned those spells when she’d been an apprentice, but hadn’t needed to call upon the knowledge in years. 

Her bones were still covered in living tissue. It would be risky to try this herself, but she had little choice. In a moment, he’d break through her barrier. If she could just remember—

“Give in to me,” the Venatori demanded. “Kneel!” 

Lenore panted with effort and dragged the words from her memory. The shield dimmed around her, bright where it touched the blade and nearly insubstantial everywhere else. She had so little energy left. This would take most of it; she’d only have one shot at patching herself up. She had to make it count. 

“Rook’s hurting!” Bellara yelled somewhere beyond her. 

Rook tensed, sucked in a breath, and spoke the words of the spell. Several things happened in quick succession: 

Devoid of the power it took to sustain it, her shield faltered and the sword broke through. Lenore ducked to her right, taking her weight off her injured leg, and hammered the base of her staff into the Venatori’s throat. 

As she moved, the spell took effect. Pain swelled within her and broke like a wave, the bone in her leg mending itself over and over again until it had multiplied itself enough to break through the skin. She screamed without knowing it, without really hearing it, as if the pain itself made a tunnel from her leg to her throat and poured itself forth from there. 

Bolts laden with electricity shot from somewhere in the distance, hammering into the unbalanced Venatori’s back. He stumbled, nearly tripping over one of the many spurs of bone now projecting from Rook’s leg. 

“Rook,” Lucanis shouted from what seemed like a great distance, “hold on!” 

She’d no idea what she could possibly be holding on to when the whole world was shuddering like a freshly reanimated corpse, but she tried anyway. She must have fallen at some point in the chaos because her hands scrabbled at stone and dirt now, not thin air. If her leg hadn’t hurt so badly that it eclipsed all other feeling, her head and tailbone would no doubt be aching from the impact.

The Venatori, now bleeding profusely, staggered to his feet. Behind him, a violet blur felled first one, then another of the remaining Venatori who stood between Lucanis and Rook. There were few of them left, which was probably good. It still wouldn’t save her if she fell to this one right now. 

Her staff had fallen behind her. Rook dragged herself backward, scrambling for it. Her hands were slick with something and they moved slower than they should, as if the air itself was more viscous than it ought to be. Every time she tried to grasp the smooth wood, it slid away from her. A flash of teal and brown flickered at the corner of her eye: Bellara was running toward her from the other side of the clearing. Even as she identified her friend, another Venatori darted into Bellara’s path and blocked her from view. 

Only five left now. If she just held out—

The violet blur spread tenebrous wings and shot closer, impossibly fast. Fast enough? It was hard to say. Everything looked—felt—so very strange. Her head pulsed in time with the wound in her leg.  The Venatori lifted his sword and swung, a blow that would connect precisely with her breastbone. At last, at last, her hand wrapped around the polished wood of her staff, though it fought to slip from her grasp.

Unbidden, her mind began to recite, in clinical and removed tones, precisely what would happen to her body when the blow connected: if her sternum did not collapse, one of the sternocostal joints would. The force of the blow would penetrate her chest, likely striking her heart. If it did not, it would certainly rupture the pleural cavity and steal her breath away. The latter would not kill her immediately. She’d tended plenty of corpses that’d taken at least one more blow to die after this precise strike. If she hung on for long enough, one of the potions the others carried could still heal her. If not…

If not, she’d already shown Emmrich exactly where she wanted to be buried. 

Behind the Venatori, Lucanis—or maybe Spite—struck down two more Venatori; they fell before him like sheaves of wheat before the scythe. She might be impressed at his accuracy and speed if she weren’t possessed by mortal terror. Perhaps Emmrich would be able to coax that thought from her corpse after she—after— 

The blade whistled through the air, a silver gleam meant for her heart. At that precise moment, Lenore finally grasped her staff and summoned another barrier. It failed almost immediately, but held just long enough to arrest the sword’s motion in midair. The Venatori grunted and lifted the sword again. 

This had to be it; she had nothing left, not even a drop of magic.  Rook took the staff in both hands (it was so heavy; so heavy that she almost couldn’t lift it, though she’d been wielding it for months now) and held it over her chest. It was a poor shield, especially when she was shaking so hard she could barely see straight, but it was better than giving up entirely. 

“For Razi—” the Venatori began, but the word was cut off abruptly. 

Between one blink and the next, the air was filled with that purple glow, illuminating her attacker from behind. Even now, Rook held her staff in shaking hands, warding as best she could against whatever blow may yet come. It wasn’t necessary; already, blood trickled from her attacker’s mouth, still open to speak a syllable that would never come. 

When his body dropped, it fell to the side and away from Lenore. Lucanis stood behind him, his face like stone. Spite’s wings spread from his back. His knife dripped blood onto Rook’s boot. She looked at that instead of her—instead of the bones branching above it. 

There was no clever comment, no regards from the Crows. Instead, his eyes held hers. 

“Can you walk?” Lucanis asked, eyes gleaming with the telltale sign of Spite’s ascendance though it was undeniably his voice she heard. 

“No,” she managed through gritted teeth. 

Behind him, Bellara shouted as the last of the Venatori fell. Lucanis must have seen her leg by now; his face grew more grim, eyes pinched at the corners. She could hardly look at it herself, though she could see the jagged, pale sections from the corner of her eye. 

Lucanis stepped closer and crouched, neatly blocking her view of whatever she’d done to herself. Without meaning to, she reached for his elbow and squeezed, far harder than she would have under any other circumstances. She couldn’t have said what kind of comfort she sought then; there was nothing he could do for her and both of them knew it, though he was already reaching for the vial at his belt. 

“Bad idea,” she told him, lifting a hand to clear the sweat from her brow and realizing at the last minute that mud, blood, and something green dripped from her hand. She used her elbow instead, though it wasn’t much cleaner. When she drew her arm away, new red streaked over the fabric. 

“Why?” Lucanis asked. He pulled a cloth from his pocket and lifted it to her forehead, carefully dabbing at something there. His face was so very grim. She did not like it; did not like that she was the cause. 

“What I did—” gorge rose at the back of her throat. Lenore swallowed and tried again. “Healing is the problem. It might make it worse. Unless you’ve got something for—for pain or sleep…”

“No,” he told her, tucking the vial away. “Only this. Can you bear it until we reach the Lighthouse?” 

“Don’t have much choice,” she said. Bellara rushed into view, face already paler than usual. 

“Rook, that looks really bad,” she said. “What can I—is there anything I can do?” 

Lucanis rested his hand over Rook’s at his elbow and looked up at Bellara. 

“I am going to carry her back. Can you find something to keep her leg stable?”

“I—yeah. Yes. Give me just—give me a few minutes. I have an idea.” 

Bellara darted off again, flitting from body to body. After a moment, she perched near the collapsed pile of metal that’d once been a guardian of the crossroads. Something pulled Rook’s attention to a pile of rock floating past and she watched its slow, gentle path across the sky. It was not engrossing; it was something she had seen dozens of times by now. Nonetheless, she could not look away. For a moment, every other sound was drowned out by the rush of her blood in her ears.

“Rook?” Lucanis said. “Rook. Can you hear me?”

It took some effort to unclench her teeth. Lenore nodded instead, turning her head to look at him. He’d leaned closer while she’d been distracted. He reached for her hand now, apparently unbothered by the muck still caking her palms. 

“Hold on,” he said. “As tight as you need to. I am here. I will stay.” 

At last, she managed to part her lips. Her mouth was dry, but she didn’t dare reach for her waterskin. Any movement felt like it could upset the delicate balance she was maintaining. An ounce more pain and she would be lost. 

“I will pass out,” she told him as clearly as she could manage. 

His hand tightened around hers—surprising, since she had his hand in a vice grip and couldn’t seem to unclench her fingers. She hadn’t expected him to hold her back. Sweat dripped into her eyes, stinging as she blinked it away. 

“When you lift me,” she clarified. “It’s—going to jostle the–the wound. I won’t be awake. That’s good. You can move faster if you aren’t worrying about my comfort.”  

“I understand,” Lucanis said. “Don’t try to talk. Rest now; we will do what we can.”

“Stupid,” she told him, and took in a shaky breath. Bellara was moving toward them again, something golden in her hands. “My fault.”

“Leave it,” he told her. “You can blame yourself later.” 

“Got it,” Bellara said, skidding to a halt beside them. “This will hold your legs in place. There’s a bit that should keep anything from hitting the, um—pieces directly. I’m going to put this on now, okay?”

“Wait,” Rook said. The adrenaline was wearing off; she was thinking less and less clearly, the pain echoing and magnifying with each passing moment. “Tell—tell Emmrich—the spell is the one for—for mending bone. He’ll know—so stupid, tell him I’m sorry—”

“I’ll tell him, I promise,” Bellara said, her voice soothing. Briefly, she rested a hand on Lenore’s shoulder. “I’m putting the brace on now, alright? I’ll be as quick as I can.” 

She couldn’t help the noise she made when Bellara reached under her leg to fasten the brace. Without thinking, she turned and pressed her face against Lucanis’s knee to muffle the cries, uncomfortable as it was. All the while, his grip on her hand held steady. 

“I know, I know, I know,” Bellara chanted, her voice strained. “Almost done, just a little more—sorry!—almo—”

Between one syllable and the next, the universe blinked.

Now, the wind rushed through her hair. They were no longer in the same clearing. Instead, the Crossroads sped past on either side. The ache in her leg had intensified, though she could feel from the tight band around her thigh that the splint was still in place. 

“How close?” Lucanis asked. 

“We approach the requested destination, Dweller,” the serene voice of the Caretaker responded. 

Warm leather curled more tightly around her shoulders and the scene resolved itself into something that made sense. Lucanis held her at the prow of the rowboat, one foot braced on the bench before them. She turned her head to see him better and found him examining her already, his face solemn. 

Something about his chest looked odd, but it took her a moment to place it: he’d removed the blade and all the vials from his armor there. Why? Nothing made sense. 

“I’m sorry,” she told him, and his brow furrowed.

“For what, Rook?” 

What could she say? She turned her face into his chest instead, closing her eyes for a moment. It would be easier, she decided, if the world would just stop spinning. 

“It was a stupid mistake,” she mumbled against his chest. 

“You’ve said that,” he told her. “More than once. I will tell you again what you told me after Weisshaupt: we all make mistakes, Rook.” 

She tried to hold onto his words, but they scattered to the winds. His grip on her shifted slightly, his hand curling around her shoulder. 

“Look at me, Rook. You have to stay awake. You have a concussion. That’s why you aren’t thinking clearly.”

Staying awake was a singularly unattractive prospect. Everything hurt; the dizziness was only getting worse and she’d made the mistake of looking at her leg again. Just the sight of it, bone jutting from her leg in three directions and curling in on itself like the horns of a halla, was enough to make her stomach lurch again. 

“I’m sorry,” she told him. 

Through his armor, she could hear his heartbeat. 1, 2, 3, she counted, 1, 2, 3—like a waltz, played in double time. She couldn’t remember why she was apologizing. Had she played a waltz for him before? She’d played for him—for all of them—but she couldn’t remember—

“I’m sorry,” she told Lucanis again, and the grim lines branching from the corners of his eyes deepened. She wanted him to never let go of her; when she turned her face into him again, the world felt quieter.

“Don’t apologize to me, Rook,” he said, and the universe blinked again. 

|

It was quiet in Rook’s room, for which Lucanis was grateful. There had been far too much noise in the infirmary from when he’d carried her there to when Taash had brought her here. Neve’s sleeping spell yet held her; Rook’s face was still, though the space between her eyebrows remained faintly creased. If the spell had not failed when Taash had rebroken her leg and Davrin had set it, Lucanis did not think it would break in the face of too much noise. Even so, he was relieved that she was here, in her own space, and that the others had gone away for a time. 

“Why does she still sleep? Wake her up,” Spite said from the head of the settee she slept on, peering down at Rook’s drawn face. 

“Waking will hurt her,” Lucanis told him. “Her leg is still broken.”

“Then fix it, if it’s broken,” Spite said. 

Lucanis ignored the demon and leaned forward, glancing at Rook’s leg. The cold spell had reduced some of the swelling, though it was still visible under the second brace Bellara had brought her. The damage was clear beneath the metal and leather: her skin gone red and purple around the break, sliced to ribbons where the new growth had speared through it, dried blood still caked in the creases of her ankle where Lace hadn’t quite washed all of it away.

Like most Crows, his knowledge of healing was limited to the most basic necessities. In a fight, it was better to remove your opponent from the battle than to stop moving and patch up your fellows. He had studied certain medical writings in training, but only to better identify the weak points of his opponents. At most, he might’ve been able to bandage her wound long enough to get to safety, or perhaps offer one of the potions he kept on hand. In this—the bone jutting from her skin, the way she’d cried out when he’d lifted her from the ground, the tear tracks still visible on her cheeks now—in this, he’d been of no use at all. 

Even now, he was not entirely sure what she’d tried to do. Emmrich’s explanation had mostly been different versions of a horrified “why that spell” or “what an incredibly inadvisable course of action.” Lucanis had not disagreed with either statement, but he had not found them especially enlightening either. The necromancer had undone her spell, at least. He was glad of that.

“She smells all wrong,” Spite said, still peering at Rook. “All wrong.”

All the long way back to the Lighthouse, Spite had been uncharacteristically helpful. He had slipped beneath Lucanis’s skin seamlessly, as he once had in the early days in the Ossuary. He had done nothing but help speed them along, pushing their body faster than Lucanis might have been able to alone. It had seemed that they were, for once, of one mind, one mission: bring Rook somewhere safe and get her the help she needed. Everything else had been peripheral. 

It was…quiet now that the others were gone. This was a relief. It also meant he had far too much time to think. He might almost—almost—be grateful for the distraction Spite provided now. Whenever he turned to look at the fish, the water behind him, his stomach turned and his hands shook. As long as he faced forward, he could still pretend to ignore it. 

“Wrong,” Spite repeated. “Blood and elfroot and pain. Not like Rook.”

Lucanis sighed. He had not enjoyed carrying her back, though he would do it a hundred times over if she ever had need of such assistance again. It had been a fraught thing, willing her eyes to open again even though she would go on apologizing to him every time they did. He had a great deal of experience trying to hold still, but it had been worse to know that every involuntary shift of his body had caused hers pain. 

He had not liked carrying her, but it had been—he had felt—something to hold her pressed against him, to wrap her in his arms. She had clutched him to her, hands snarled in the belts at his chest, face pressed into his body. He had wished, on that long ride back, that he could curl himself around her and shield her from what she’d done, though it was a useless impulse. 

Useless and foreign besides; he had never felt such a thing before and did not know what to do with it now that he had. 

Now, his hand rested beside hers on the bed, close enough that he could feel the faint movements of her body when she breathed in and out. When Emmrich had finally deemed it safe, Lucanis had administered the healing potion to her himself. He’d slid a hand under her neck to tip her head back and ease its passage into her throat. Though he was no longer touching her, he could still feel the memory of the softness of her skin against his palm. 

Once, he had watched Rook tune her violin on one of the balconies outside the main tower. She’d struck a tuning fork against her knuckles and held it between two elegant fingertips, eyes closed to listen. The tone had spilled out into the air long after she’d touched it, humming until she finally set it aside to turn the small knobs at the top of her instrument. 

Lucanis supposed he did not feel so very different than that tuning fork now. The touch of her skin still hummed inside him, though he had long since let go. He could not help wondering if he should reach for her hand now, if only to still that hum. 

 “She needs to rest and heal. Then, she will smell like herself,” he told Spite.

Spite crouched, his nose an inch from Rook’s. Slowly, Lucanis’s smallest finger brushed against Rook’s.

“She should smell of incense,” Spite told her, as if to remind her. “Leaf-rot. Rosemary. The rest is wrong.” 

“She doesn’t smell like rotting leaves,” Lucanis said, as he had a dozen times before. Spite bared his teeth. “I don’t know why you always say that.”

“You’re wrong. She smells of sweet rot. Always. Only Rook ever does.” 

What use was there in arguing? It hadn’t swayed the demon yet, though they’d had this argument more than once. Lucanis shifted in his chair and found his hand resting against Rook’s. Should he let go? Leave? Work on finding a healer in Treviso they could bring her to? 

Her hand was so still, soft and cool in his.

When he had been a boy, there had been an illness (he could not recall what it had been; a fever, perhaps) and a dark room, bed hung with dark cloth. It had not been in Villa Dellamorte, but the home his parents kept. It had been—warmer, he thought. Less marble, more carved wood. One night, Lucanis had lain in the dark, ill and horribly lonely, and he had woken to find his father’s hand in his. What a comfort it had been, to know that he was not alone in the dark with his pain. 

Lucanis ignored Spite and curled his fingers around Rook’s. There were calluses on odd places near the first joints of her fingers. Musical in origin, he supposed, not caused by her staff. He had not seen them before, but now he could feel scars across her palms, across the backs of her hands. Where had she gotten them? He wondered if she would answer, should he ask.

It had seemed…foolish, potentially dangerous to hold her hand in most of the places they’d visited. What if one of them needed to draw a weapon? Precious seconds might be wasted in untangling themselves from each other. Beyond that, she would be a target if anyone knew that he wanted—that he thought—

“You will make sure she’s fixed,” Spite said, voice abruptly louder, and he leaned across the bed to put his face near Lucanis’s. “She won’t stay like this. It isn’t right.”

“Yes,” Lucanis agreed. “Neve is looking for a healer who can help. Emmrich has already undone the worst of whatever she did to her leg.”

Spite had been with Lucanis for more days than he’d been able to count, but he still had difficulty reading the demon’s expressions. He did not even know if they were facial expressions or if that was just how his mind interpreted Spite’s existence. On someone else, he might have thought the narrowed eyes and sneer meant displeasure. On Spite, it must have been approval instead because the demon winked out of existence a moment later. It was a relief when he was gone, as if some imperceptible background noise he never really heard had finally ceased.  

“Don’t worry,” Lucanis told Rook in the ensuing silence. “The others will find somebody to help. I’ll wait with you until they do. It’s not like I was sleeping anyway.”

She would have laughed at that. She liked to laugh, his—Rook liked to laugh. 

Her hand didn’t move in his. Still, he did not think he was imagining the growing warmth in her palm. Lucanis reached for the cup of coffee he’d set aside and sipped it without letting go of her. Whatever came next, he would be there. 

Even if nobody else had heard it, he’d made her a promise.

|

The first thing Lenore felt when she woke was the warmth wrapped around her hand. 

Pain followed quickly, but she’d been braced for that. She had not been braced for comfort and was less sure about what to do with it. 

“You’re awake,” Spite said, and Rook opened her eyes to look at him. 

The demon sat in a chair beside her bed, one foot propped on the seat while the other rested on the ground. He was the one holding her hand, of course. 

“I am,” she answered, studying him. “Did Lucanis fall asleep there or did you walk him here?”

Not what she was asking, really. What she meant was, which one of you decided to wait beside me while I was out? It would have been harder to ask that; harder still to admit to him how much she wanted to know. Better to sidestep it entirely. 

“Here,” Spite replied. “He promised. To stay.”

“And you didn’t want to make a run for it while everyone was distracted?” 

The ache in her leg was…significant, but better than she remembered in her awful, cluttered recollection of the moments following her injury. A cautious glance downward revealed only the usual quantity of bones. Nothing twisted past her shin, bones projecting outward and curling around each other like halla horns. She almost wished she believed in a god so she could thank them. 

“He promised,” Spite replied, as if it was the obvious answer. 

“Does Lucanis know that you keep his promises?” she asked, smiling at him. 

Spite smiled back slowly, each side of the mouth creeping up in turn, as if testing himself to see if he could. 

“No,” he said. “Are you. Fixed?” 

Mentally, she felt along her body. Her head felt better, she thought, though her leg was a miserable tangle of pain. The rest of her was stiff, as if she’d been lying still for a very long time.

“Not all the way. Something still hurts down there. But better than earlier, yes.” 

“Good. Your pain. Was wrong.” 

Wrong?

“Did it bother you to carry me around?” 

Rook thought to push herself up, try to sit, but thought better of it. She’d have to let go of his hand if she wanted to move and it hardly seemed worth it. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had held her hand. Actually—now that she was thinking about it, she couldn’t remember a time when anyone living had held her hand for longer than the time it took to lead her where she was supposed to be.

“No,” Spite replied at once, and looked as if he would go on. Abruptly, his face went blank and Lucanis blinked himself awake. 

“Rook,” he said. “You’re awake.”

“So are you,” she said. 

Now that she was awake, he would take his hand away. She was certain of it. She held very still so he wouldn’t notice that they were still holding onto each other. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked. His forehead creased as he leaned closer, shifting until both feet rested firmly on the ground. 

“I’ve been better,” she said, but he did not laugh. “Feeling a little stupid. I feel like I should apol—”

“Don’t, Rook,” Lucanis said, lifting the hand that wasn’t holding hers as if to halt the words. “I think you’ve apologized enough. If I never hear you say ‘I’m sorry’ again, it will be too soon.”

“Did I? I don’t remember that.”

“Hm,” Lucanis said, the corner of his mouth twitching. Some strong emotion suppressed; not a smile, she thought. “Emmrich called it…perseveration. He said that those with head wounds often repeat phrases or thoughts, and you’d happened to choose that one.”

“You disagree?” Lenore asked. 

His thumb traced something on the back of her hand, slow and soft. She repressed a shiver at the sensation—so comfortable, so easy. It was like they touched each other casually all the time, which they certainly did not. He had made his interest clear—clear enough for her, at least—and yet they had still remained largely hands-off until now. 

“These marks on your hands,” he said, and paused. “I have seen others like them.”

“Have you?” 

The urge to snatch hers back and hide it under the blankets was immediate, the effort to ignore it not inconsiderable. Lucanis lifted his own hand, angling it so the light shone over the scar tissue there, criss-crossing his knuckles and the back of his hand in straight, silvery lines. Thicker than the ones on the backs of her hands, yes, but mostly the same.

“You are not a Crow,” he said. “You were not trained the way I was. Emmrich’s hands are largely unscarred. Those are very old—before you left the Necropolis.”

“Correct on all counts,” Lenore told him, and turned their hands so hers was pressed against the blanket and out of sight. 

He watched her for a moment, free hand settling slowly on the cot beside her leg. She wondered what he’d read in her face. She wondered what he wasn’t saying nearly as much as she hoped he wouldn’t keep talking about it.

“You do not have to apologize to me,” he said at last. “I was glad that I was the one with you when you fell.”

“You shouldn’t have had to carry me back,” she told him firmly, shifting her weight onto her elbow. Her grip tightened on his hand. “I’m meant to look after myself better than that. I should’ve—”

“Stop,” Lucanis said, squeezing her hand in turn. “Stop. I would do it again.” 

He was so very close—she hadn’t noticed him getting closer—and she still felt so awful, so grateful, and his hand was so warm in hers—

“Lucanis,” she murmured, as if speaking too loud would ruin something precious and fragile, “I think I’m going to kiss you.”

Lenore hadn’t been touched or held in so long. She had almost—almost—convinced herself that this didn’t bother her, that she didn’t care. She’d been wrong, though; she cared a great deal. Cared like a plant cared for watering, like strings longed for a bow. Before she could change her mind or retreat from him again, she was lifting her face to his and kissing him.

|

Lucanis could count on one hand the number of times he had kissed somebody, and nearly all of them had been in the process of completing a contract or training for the same. They’d all been more or less the same to him, the experiences blurring together into the same dull sensation, all duty and never desire. 

This—Rook’s face upturned, her soft mouth pressed to his—was like none of those other times. He hardly had time to recover from the shock of it before she was pulling away again, eyes searching his face. Too fast; not enough time to understand. He needed more.

On instinct, he reached behind her and cupped the back of her neck as he had before, carefully pressing her close to him once more. Her lips were soft and surprised under his, as if she had expected him to pull away. When he kissed her, she made a surprised sound and squeezed his hand.

 Had he worried that it was Spite, not Lucanis, who wanted to kiss her? Had he somehow believed that touching her would quiet the hum of fascination under his skin? All ridiculous, all incorrect; this was something entirely different. His hand fit at the back of her neck perfectly, as if it had been shaped precisely for this. He was barely kissing her, but the faint pressure of his mouth against his was almost overwhelming. He was already touching her, already holding her to him, and yet he was hungry for exactly that—as if the touch by its very existence required more of itself, required more of him. 

Too much. He withdrew, though he didn’t let go of her yet, and found her eyes still closed, her lips softly parted. 

What was he to do with this? He wanted to press his thumb to the pulse beating at her throat, wanted to lift her from the bed and hold her again, wanted to kiss the hand he held in his until—until what? 

“You should rest,” Lucanis told her, his voice so quiet he found himself surprised he’d said it aloud at all. 

Rook nodded once, eyes still closed, and pressed her lips together. When she moved, he could feel the shift of her spine under her skin. Would it feel the same if he held her hand while she moved, while she played her music for him, when she drew magic from the Fade? Would it feel the same with his hands around her hips, or her—

The thought was strange enough, foreign enough, that he let go and climbed to his feet. For a moment, Rook held very still, face still tilted. Lucanis took a step back, lest his hands betray him and reach for her again. 

“You’re still healing,” he told her, and took another step back when her eyes fluttered open. Her eyelashes were so fine against her skin, her eyes so warm and soft in the pale light of the water. He wanted to look closer. Instead, he stepped back again and wished he had something to do with his hands. Anything that would remove the sensation of her hand in his, her mouth so sweet against his. 

“I’ll check on you later,” he went on. “Somebody needs to start dinner, and a note from Teia and Viago arrived while you slept.”

“Lucanis,” she said, her voice soft and quiet. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Thank you. For staying, I mean. Both of you.” 

“Of course, Rook. Anytime,” he said, and slipped from the room before she could take him up on the offer. 

“Coward,” Spite hissed. 

Lucanis, striding briskly away from the door so he would not turn around and open it again, found he could not disagree.

[vikkirosko]

sir pentious, fizz, stolas and Asmodeus reaction to platonic friend/future s/o who confessed their feelings for them? Thanks.

Partially platonic headcanons Confession

🐍Sir Pentious x Reader 🎩

Sir Pentious was glad that he had a friend like you. You were always ready to listen to him, you helped him with his plans and supported him when his plans went wrong. He wasn't sure if his feelings for you were purely friendly, but he didn't want to ruin your friendship, so he kept quiet. But he didn't even know that you were planning to tell him something very important that could completely change your relationship

During your next quiet evening, you were sitting together, but for some reason you looked more thoughtful than usual. When he asked you if everything was okay, you nodded thoughtfully, then said that there was something you wanted to tell him. He was looking at you, not knowing exactly what to expect, but you looked up at him, smiled a little and said that you were in love with him

It took him a few seconds to realize the meaning of the words you said, after which he asked you about it. When he finally realized exactly what you said, he blushed deeply and did not know what to do. Your confession threw him out of his mental balance and his feelings for you, which he tried so hard to hide, threatened to come out. He tried to keep quiet, but feeling your worried look, he couldn't stand it, finally telling you how he felt about you

If he had been told earlier that his friend would become more than just a friend for him, he would never have believed it. The fact that you had romantic feelings for him seemed like a miracle to him, but he wasn't going to complain. Sir Pentious felt happy next to you and the fact that you became even closer made his heart beat faster

🦉 Stolas x Reader 🎩

Stolas appreciated your friendship very much. He didn't have many real friends, people he could trust no matter what, but you were one of them. You were the one who was always there for him, you supported him despite everything that happened in his life. You knew about a lot of things that were going on in his life and didn't judge him. And the only thing Stolas couldn't let you know was that he fell in love with you. He was unlucky with romantic relationships and didn't want to lose his dear friend because of the feelings he started to have for you

Your help was especially important to him every time he quarreled with his wife. He knew you could come if he called you or just texted you. When he asked you to come again, you listened for a long time about how his wife did not let him live in peace, that he stayed with her for the sake of his daughter, and that he would like to be loved. It was only when he stopped talking that you said you could help him with something. When Stolas looked at you uncomprehendingly, you smiled a little at him and said that you had been in love with him for a long time

Stolas felt the blood rush to his face and tears came to his eyes. You opened your arms to him and he hurried to take advantage of it, hugging you. He understood that you wouldn't lie or joke about such things and that's why your words resonated so strongly in his heart. The feelings he had for you no longer needed to be hidden. He could finally tell you everything as it is, without hiding anything

He had thought about divorce before, but now this desire has only become stronger. His daughter was already an adult, and he himself had a person who loved him and whom he loved in return. Stolas understood perfectly well that if he decided to do this, he would have a lot of difficulties, but you were there, which means he would not cope with everything alone. The certainty of this gave him courage

🐓 Asmodeus x Reader 💕

Asmodeus and you have known each other for a very long time. You were his friend and along with that the object of his feelings, which he did not plan to tell you about. He understood that you wouldn't use his feelings against him, but he didn't want any awkwardness between you because of his feelings for you, so Ozzie preferred to keep quiet. You spent a lot of time with him, including helping him work at the factory. He knew that he could trust you to work with the documents and could be sure that after you he would not have to redo anything. He could trust you on this matter

You and Ozzie were relaxing together after work in his office and he was cooking dinner for the two of you. It was a common thing for you and you smiled gently as you watched him cook. At some point you called his name, after which you said that you liked him. Asmodeus laughed and told you that he liked you too, but when you clarified what you meant in a romantic sense, he froze. Your words came as a shock to him and he almost dropped the knife he was cutting vegetables with. He expected anything, but certainly not that you would admit your romantic feelings to him

He asked you if you were sure of your feelings, and when he got your affirmative answer, he grinned, feeling like a fool. He kept his feelings for you to himself for so many years, and now he finds out that it was all in vain, because his feelings for you were mutual. Now it all made no sense and he could tell you straight out that he's been in love with you for a long time. When he told you about it, he saw how a blush appeared on your cheeks and your lips stretched into a smile, after which you said that you were happy to hear it

You both knew perfectly well that you needed to hide your relationship from others, because Ozzie had a reputation, but that didn't mean that he was going to give up on a relationship with you. He was sure that this would not prevent you from being happy in your relationship. He was going to show you how strong his feelings were and how he knew how to love, because he really had a lot of feelings for you that had been accumulating for years and only now had the opportunity to come out

🎪 Fizzarolli x Reader 💟

Fizzarolli managed to lose his friend in his life, find several fake friends, but he was able to find a real friend in your face. You've known each other for several years and he didn't regret being friends with you once. He often watched you and more and more often he noticed that he couldn't take his eyes off you. It seemed to be something unusual and disturbing to him, because he did not want to destroy your friendship because of his new feelings, because he had already managed to stay alone and he had no desire to feel loneliness again

He has considered his feelings for you many times. He liked spending time with you, he told you about what was bothering him, about the difficulties he had, he knew that you would not judge him and would help him as much as possible. It was talking about his worries that he was doing when you told him that you were in love with him. Your words came to him like a bolt from the blue

Seeing his worried face, you asked him if you had put him in an awkward position with your confession. Fizz hastened to calm you down, grabbing your shoulders, and say that he is happy that you have told him, because he himself wanted to confess to you for a long time, but he was afraid of losing you if you did not have mutual feelings for him. His words made you smile affectionately. You were both happy with the realization of the reciprocity of feelings for each other

It was hard for him to contain his joy that you were together. Fizz hid his feelings for a long time, but now he could be open with you. Although you couldn't show your feelings for each other openly, he was still happy, because you were happy together and the rest was not important to him. His heart fluttered next to you and he felt as if wings had grown behind his back. He was in love and was happy with the reciprocity of his feelings

[celestialtarot11]

How to Turn Your Situation Into Something Positive 🍵💗

Hi friends! Welcome to another PAC reading where we’ll be looking at how to transform any current situations you’re in! Keep in mind there are many different groups here and there will be messages which you won’t resonate with, just leave it for someone else 😊❤️ Please like, comment and reblog to share the love ☮️

Pile 1 🌟- Hi there pile 1’s! Someone definitely did ya’ll dirty in a situation and it left you feeling sad and lonely. A loss was created because someone handled a situation unfairly, and you’ve been feeling very down. This situation felt like it was weighing on your chest, and possibly there was a misunderstanding of feelings, or someone took something the wrong way and blew up here. And I feel like you took the brunt of the situation for a long time. I feel like this is something that was happening for a long time, and you’ve been wanting justice to come to this situation, or karma to hit that person to show them where they went wrong. Its also very possible for some of you this person reached out and reignited those triggers and you’re finding it difficult to be compassionate towards them. Your anger is understandable and so are your triggers, I feel like spirit is saying it’s important to know your boundaries in this situation and have your back. Look after you first. There are/were people who benefitted from you having no boundaries because they liked the feeling of power, and that needs to change. There’s this feeling of stepping up or no longer accepting their bullshit, which I’m so proud of you pile 1! Know your worth and value. Thats how you turn this situation into a positive one. Knowing your true worth and value will help you walk away from anything that is less than what you want. This person could be bread-crumbing you and as of now you’re done with that energy! Im also hearing whilst its very understandable you’d wish someone their own karma, spend your time wishing yourself the blessings you’ve always wanted instead. Feed yourself empowerment and start thinking “how can I support myself now?” be there for yourself pile 1, and also once you heal you begin to see a lot of things that you didn’t before. Within yourself and everyone else. Happy healing pile 1 💗🌟 Wishing you the best! Please like comment and reblog to support this blog ✨

Pile 2 ☮️- Hi there pile 2! ❤️🌟 Welcome to your reading. For you I see you need to distance yourself from a community or situation here and really really focus on your self confidence. Your esteem, body, and health. There’s something about getting your life in order and no longer letting external factors or people tell you what to do. Become your own boss in this situation. Some of you need to take an active role in this situation as well and know you’re the shit! 💗 like speaking up, setting boundaries, deciding what YOU’ll do, not focusing on them. You’re everything anyone could ever want, and some of you may have forgotten that. Your true power is meant to come out in this situation. What would help as well is remaining unbothered by this person or situation. I’m hearing it’s a silly situation, for some of you. Like petty high school drama. There could be someone trying to compete with you and show they are the best, but truthfully insecurities are loud, confidence is quiet. I’m hearing from spirit let them make a fool out of themselves because they are responsible for themselves only! What they say and what they do is on them. Continue working on yourself because I feel like whoever this is, is trying to undermine your confidence or skill, and you won’t stand for it and shouldn’t! 😤 I also feel like spirit will be giving you messages in your dreams about this situation so definitely sleep with amethyst, clear quartz or lavender herb under your pillow. If not allergic, drink lavender and chamomile before you bed ✨either way I feel like your presence is truly amazing and its like royalty, and what you need to know is that don’t give those haters your attention. Focusing on yourself is literally the best outcome here. Thank you pile 2’s! Please like comment and reblog to spread the love 💗🌹

Pile 3 ⌛️- Hi there pile 3’s! First of all I just want to ask if ya’ll are okay? ����❤️ Ya’ll seem to be going through it. Either a relationship with someone got unhealthy and controlling, or there has been a loss and you’re struggling to cope with it. Spirit is offering a lot of support and healing right now, and although you may not see it or feel it, spirit is protecting you heavily now. There’s a veil around you. I also feel that this ending was necessary because it was getting toxic, controlling and brought out the worse. I think someone here had to make a decision to choose themselves over toxicity. And it’s okay to hurt by that too. Honor and acknowledge your loss without shaming yourself for making the healthy choice 💗 I received the Queen Of Cups so I feel like there’s something about focusing on your growth and healing now. “Let growth be your mission. Let healing be your reward. Let freedom be your goal.” I love this quote and I go by it. Spirit wanted me to share it with ya’ll. I feel like ya’ll have been working on your healing for a long time and revisited something of the past, and its been tough processing it. In a way, its allowing this new version of you to come through and grow every time 💗🥹 This new version of you has a lot of emotional abundance and knowledge, and is definitely patient and caring. I feel like your higher self is coming through to also say it’s important to feed yourself kind words. If harsh words worked it would’ve worked a long time ago is what I heard too. Call yourself the names you wish to be called, like nicknames, talk gently, and use respectful words to yourself the way you would with anyone else ✨💗 I feel like you guys used to give everyone your secret wisdom, or the things you’ve healed from like all of that information, and now you are being asked to remain private and selective about it. This will help you a lot in this situation to focus on yourself. Thank you for being here pile 3 and I sincerely hope this helped you ❤️🌟 Please like comment and reblog to help this blog grow 🌟😊

Thank ya’ll for stopping by! Its highly appreciated and I really hope this PAC got ya’ll the clarity you needed ❤️🥹 Thank ya’ll for being here always.

Paid Readings 💗✨

[honeybubbledivination]

What Does Your Higher Self Want You To Know? ✨🐝

[tw!!. mentions of sexual situations for a pile, mentions of trauma and possibly abusive situations. Please use your own discretion and discernment!!!]

Hey, hey!!! Thank you for your patience for this reading! Honestly, had some procrastination moments and had some things come up, so it took me a little longer than usual! I have a few disclaimers for this one because it gets a little heavy in some of the piles.

Make sure if you are leaving an abusive situation that you are doing things the safe way. I don’t know details of specific situations, but please make sure that you’re doing things in a way that keeps you as safe as you can be. There’s nuance to every situation and I’m not an expert to your life. I’m just a 22 year old young woman on the internet. Reach out to your community for help if you can. Be safe! I am not a professional nor do I offer legal or medical advice! I just interpret cards! Thank you! ✨🐝

[Sacred Light Oracle’ by Anna Stark and Selena Moon are the cards featured below to represent the piles!]

Pile one: Cathedral of Light

Forever & Always - TS TV

Snow On The Beach - TS feat Lana Del Rey

Mamushi - Megan Thee Stallion feat Yuki Chiba

Do I Make You Nervous? - Lilyisthatyou

‘The Wild Unknown: Archetypes’ by Kim Krans: The Vessel, The Self, The Orphan, The Ocean, The Queen, The Bridge, The Box, The Empty Room, The Shadow

‘White Ligh Oracle’ by Alana Fairchild and A. Andrew Gonzalez: Seraph of 963Hz, Tantra of 639

‘Tarot of The Divine’ by Yoshi Yoshitani: 2oP, KoW Rx, KnoW Rx, 6oC, 3oC, 4oS Rx, 6oP, 5oP, 1oC, The Hermit, KnoP, Temperance, The Moon, 3oW, The World, The Star Rx, 3oS, 1oP, The Fool, 4oC, QoW

Welcome to your reading, Pile One! I have an inkling you’re a returning bee! Or, if you’re just seeing this, go check out my other pac readings to see if they resonate with you! I feel light right now you’re a little in your shadow. The energy of the highest self that came to me for this section of the collective is very light and airy, but I can feel the depth under the surface. You may be a water sign or have prominent water placements (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) as well as Libra placements. Also, three, six, and nine may be significant. You’ve been struggling with letting a certain manipulative energy go. I wouldn’t say they’re masculine or feminine because I feel like they’re really just a narcissist and they aren’t aligning with anything specific because that would limit how they can utilize control. They’re manipulative, thinks with the wrong head, and drains your wallet. I see you’re still focused on what could be versus what is. Your shadow is there to protect you and help you blend into ‘darker’ energies, but I don’t feel like I’m talking to someone of ‘dark’ energy or anything like that. You’re not a bad person for being a little spiteful or petty, but your higher self is asking you to let go of this energy that’s holding you back and step into a period of color. Bridge the gap within yourself and realize while being human is complex, respecting yourself is not. One message that stood out to me was from the ‘White Light Oracle’. “This oracle brings a message straight from the Divine to you: Let me love you.” Let your higher self love you. Who cares if you’re single or have to leave friends or family behind? When you have yourself, you’re not alone. You are one person who can’t abandon you, so focus on being creative and getting your bag! I hope this brings the final confirmation that you needed! Be good to yourself and invest in YOU! No more energy vampires, no more wasting time on idiots! Be kind and patient to yourself and find ways to heal and get what you need out of this life! If I pull on this energy again, I better see improvements! (Just kidding, but I really do hope that if you resonate with this and you relate to my previous readings with these themes, I sincerely hope you find peace within yourself and your life. You deserve to be happy and not have to feel like you’re constantly defending yourself and your actions. Especially since you haven’t done anything wrong. 🫶🏻). Please stay safe as for some of you I feel like this situation is really, really toxic. Make sure you have all of your bases covered and move with caution! This isn’t for everyone, but for some of you I felt like you needed to know that you’re seen and heard by God and you’ll get through this with a little tactfulness, faith, and patience. You will get through this! Love and Light, busy bee!!!

- Bunny 💛🍯

Pile Two: Cosmic Gateway

The Prophecy - TS

Slither - Metallica

In Between - Gracie Abrams

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart - TS

‘The Wild Unknown: Archetypes’ by Kim Krans: Alethia,The Underworld, The Vision, The Mask, Kairos, The Cave, Gnosis. The Sustainer, The Pilgrim, The Self, The Queen, The King, The Lover, The Kiss, Agape, The Heart, The Flame, The Threshold

‘White Ligh Oracle’ by Alana Fairchild and A. Andrew Gonzalez: Spirit Bear of 396Hz, Dvara Patra

‘Tarot of The Divine’ by Yoshi Yoshitani: 3oS Rx, The tower Rx, the devil rx, 10oS, KoS, PgoP Rx, KnoW rx, The magician Rx, 7oP, 5oS, 8oP, 8oS, 4oP, 2oP, The Wheel of Fortune, 3oC Rx, The Moon, 4oS Rx, QoW, KoP, Judgement, KnoC, Death, The Star

Pile Two! Welcome! This collective’s higher self spoke of overcoming a lot of pain, grief and now coping with loneliness as you navigate a new chapter of your life. I see that you’ve spent a lot of your life being forced to believe that you’re less than what you truly are. You’ve had people come in and out of your life and always assumed that the only common denominator is you, so that means you’re the problem. You aren’t. I wouldn’t say that on a whim because accountability for your actions is the base of being a decent human, but it feels like everytime you mess up you take responsibility for it. You own up to what you’ve done and you try to make amends I see that recently, there was a situation with a longtime friend where you had to finally put your foot down. They were purposefully putting you down and blocking what is rightfully yours (manifestations and things that are divinely yours). Heavy on the leech energy. You may have never been in a relationship or only have had kinda halfway relationships (situationships, friendships with unclear boundaries). Or you just overly romanticize toxic situations and relationships due to your upbringing and have no real concept of a healthy relationship. You’ve spent a lot of your life believing that you’re unlovable, Pile Two. And that’s just not the case. You’ve been able to cut out the bull from people trying to siphon off of your energy and get back to what is really important, you’ll be able to focus on yourself and learn to truly love and uplift yourself. In doing this, you’ll be given what you’ve always wanted. Someone to love you as much as you love them and truly understand you. (All things take work, don’t expect perfection after the first date.) They may remind you a bit of the friend you cut off, but they aren’t here as a test so use your best judgement and work through your triggers! Now, please use discretion and discernment with anything I say about love. You aren’t here to just give love. You’re here to receive it, too. And that includes yourself. You are love, you’re made of it. Embrace the inner beauty and complexities that is your existence and realize that though the journey may have been painful to get where you are now and you may feel more alone than ever, YOU are worth fighting for and the only person that will ALWAYS fight on your team is yourself and whatever deity you follow. It’s good to be cautious and critical of your surroundings, but loosen up and remember to still relax and have fun! Princess/Prince Charming isn’t just gonna knock on your door! I mean… unless they’re a Fed-Ex worker hehe. Just kidding! Lighten up and enjoy life, Pile Two! Your higher self wants you to enjoy your journey from here on out! The storm is over, go find the rainbow! 🌈✨

- Bunny 🍯💛

Pile Three: Violet Fire

Meddle About - Chase Atlantic

Distracted - Honey Revenge

Put You Through Me - Arrows In Action

Caraphernelia - Pierce The Veil

(honorable mention: Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too - Say Anything)

‘The Wild Unknown: Archetypes’ by Kim Krans: The River, The Starborn, The Flame, The Vision, The Underworld, The Unseen, The Hunter, Thanatos, The Shaman, The Mentor, The Storm, Eros

‘White Ligh Oracle’ by Alana Fairchild and A. Andrew Gonzalez: Ivory Wish-Fulfilling Crow, Archon Barbelo

‘Tarot of The Divine’ by Yoshi Yoshitani: 4oW, 1oW, 6oS, 5oW, The Moon, 4oS Rx, 10oC, 4oC, The Sun Rx, The Empress Rx, 3oP, 9oS Rx, KnoW Rx, The World, 10oP, Death, 9oC. KnoP Rx, 8oC, QoP, 1oC, 8oS, 5oC Rx, 3oW Rx

Hey, hey, pile three! You had an emo phase and never left it, didn’t you? (Same hehe) This energy is a bit overwhelmingly sexual, but then once I started pulling more and more I realized you seem to use your sexuality as a front or overly sexualize yourself. But!! This isn’t a bad thing!! It can be really powerful as long as you are remembering that you aren’t just a sexual object. You’re a human being and worthy of respect and tenderness. It’s okay to have a darker aesthetic and be into more ‘taboo’ things (within reason, don’t do gross illegal stuff pals), but you need to remember that you’re allowed to be multifaceted and utilize that unique energy for a multitude of different things! Humans have complexities and you’re allowed to embrace that! Please, please remember to be kind to yourself and don’t use your lifestyle as a way to actively punish yourself! Plus, I hope you’re using that energy to manifest what you want out of this life! It’s potent! Use your energy for fun and I honestly believe you could be a great psychologist or maybe a sex therapist? Something of that sort! Use your knowledge and any kind of pain to help people! (If you’re comfy with that! Everyone’s journey is so vastly different, but I really did feel there was a sweetness to this collective that not very many people get the privilege of knowing because they write you off because you’re too attractive or considered too sexual or whatever. That’s stupid. Everyone has trauma and everyone is supposed to heal. I hope you find more people in your life that get to see another side of you and make you feel genuinely safe enough to ease your guard.) You’re powerful as you are, but just remember to be soft with yourself. You’re worthy of sweetness. Love and Light, little bee!

- Bunny 💛🍯

Pile Four: Light Activation

(You’re The) Devil In Disguise - Elvis Presley

Dial Drunk - Noah Kahan

Bejeweled - TS

My Own Worst Enemy - Lit

‘The Wild Unknown: Archetypes’ by Kim Krans: The Threshold, The Hunter, The Judge, The Crone, The Thread, The Destroyer, The Creator, The Shaman, Anima Mundi

‘White Ligh Oracle’ by Alana Fairchild and A. Andrew Gonzalez: Solve Polluti 741 Hz, Spirit Owl of 852 Hz

‘Tarot of The Divine’ by Yoshi Yoshitani: 1oC, 10oC, 10oW, The World, PgoS, 8oW, 3oC Rx, KoW, PgoW, 9oP, 4oP, KnoS Rx, The Moon Rx, The Emperor Rx, 7oP, KoS Rx, The High Priestess Rx

Welcome, Pile Four! I’ve never read for this collective and it was honestly a tougher one! This collective is very secretive and was kind talking in riddles a lot. I had to kinda piece things together like a puzzle! What I got from your higher self is that you’re in a crone era of your life, so you’re probably a bit older and towards the ‘end’ of your life. Meaning, you don’t have those super hard life lessons as much as you used to in the maiden or mother days! You’ve integrated all parts of yourself and you know when to utilize your shadow aspects and your light aspects! Today, I felt like I was supposed to just give you a warning about a potential false guru or prophet. Someone is pretending to be something they aren’t. It may be a group or you’ve known this person from the time they were a child to adulthood. They’re coming out as court-cards swords reversed (King, Knight, and Page as mentioned above.) They could be wishing you harm or trying to do something behind your back to drain you. I do feel like you’ve already pinpointed who this is and you’re well aware of what to do next. Otherwise, there was mention of another young person who seems similar to this swords person. They’re more creative, less vindictive, and have a passionate spark for life (King + Page of Wands), or they might be connected to this person in some way! Like a child or something like that! They’re going to be fine and won’t fall down the same path as the Swords person. This was very specific and I hope whoever’s this is for gets it! Special thanks to your higher self for allowing me to relay the message because they didn’t seem to want to tell me much at first, but I was able to gain some kind of respect from them! I hope you got what you needed for this! See ya around and good health to you! ✨

- Bunny 💛🍯

Bunny’s Note: Thanks for buzzing by for a reading! And thank you to you and your high self for allowing me to peep into your energy to offer some advice to you! I may do a divine feminine reading next! Specifically about shadow work or possibly doing a reading on some entry level shadow work. I’ll brew up some ideas and see what I can figure out! Thank you so much again for all your support and interacting with my posts! It’s means a lot to me!! I hope this post was able to give you the guidance or clarification you need! Love and light, busy bees!! If you’d like to tip me, my ko-fi is below! The minimum donation is $1! No pressure to send anything!

[thebibliosphere]

Sorry if this is an obvious question but with the impending doom stuff- how different is that to. Hm how to phrase this. I have a sort of long term foreshortened future thing going on with my illness where I'm Always certain I'm going to die soon, and sometimes I get periods of Oh it's Getting Closer. I don't really feel afraid, but I tend to seek medical help anyway just in case- and in most cases something is wrong. Usually I have a virus.

But I don't really know how to categorise that feeling seperately from depression? And people talking about calm acceptance in Sense of Impending Doom resonates with me. But I'm always worried about mentioning this certainty to doctors because they tend to already think I'm making shit up/overdramatic.

Sorry for rambling. Point is- do you know much about a longer term "sense of Impending doom" ?

Possibly. Hm, let me see if I can put this in words.

So, my near-death experience in 2019 was a slow, drawn-out process largely facilitated by medical neglect. I knew something was Wrong in my body, and no one was listening to me. I knew it was going to kill me soon, but again, no one was listening, so I just kind of... quietly got my shit together. It felt gradual but inevitable. Creeping. With hindsight, that was my organs slowly winding down. Horrible feeling.

But that was very different from what I will now categorize as Immediate Impending Doom, which sort of hits like a tidal wave. It's weird to say it's an urgent-calm feeling, but that's what it is.

It's a very now feeling. Like, death within the next twenty minutes to an hour. It's the difference between "This will happen soon, get your affairs in order," and "This is a medical emergency; pay attention. Now."

Which I also have to differentiate from the "something is wrong" feeling I get as a chronically ill person when something new pops up.

I sometimes get what I think of as "warning flashes." My immune system is overreactive thanks to my mast cells being little malfunctioning bastards, so when I get sick with something else, it kicks off my fight or flight due to adrenaline and a bunch of other hormones being thrown into the mix like a Molotov cocktail.

I've had to learn to distinguish that from anxiety/depression because of the nature of my illness (can it be remedied with my meds, does doing grounding exercises help, what are my vitals etc), and I imagine it's the same for other chronically ill people, even if they don't have my specific immune problems.

A virus or something else will absolutely stress out an already stressed nervous system, and it can send you into a feeling of fight or flight, which can feel a bit doom-y.

But the Impending Doom they talk about with heart attacks, strokes, anaphylaxis etc, etc, is a very immediate and all-consuming feeling. The "soon" you seem to be describing seems to be "it'll happen sooner than later" but the Immediate Impending Doom is "right the fuck now." Is that right? Did I pick up on that, or am I way off?

Gah. I'm still probably doing a very bad job of explaining this.

[littleglutton]

Bare with me, I never post anymore, but with the release of Caleb's trailer, I have the need to SCREAM.

I am so excited because let me tell you, I firmly believed the only way they could do it right was by bringing him back as THE villain. Not a villain, mind you, THE villain.

Now, hear me out, ok. As someone coming from both the original launch of both MLQC and LADS, I've been playing these otomes forever. Am I an expert? Absolutely not. Have I poured an obscene amount of time, energy, and even money into these games because they bring me joy? Hell yes. #noragrets

Mind you, this is just me speculating and having fun, take what resonates with you 😜

Let me ramble a bit more.

Slight spoiler ahead for mid MLQC lore, so maybe skip or come back to this later if you need to

I thought for sure that when Sylus was introduced, he was the be-all, end-all bad guy. But nope, what he got instead was a super delicious, badass mafia boss whose interests actually end up aligning with MC (because honestly, what he really wanted was YOU), therefore eliminating the truly antagonistic part of their relationship, even if it started that way. Don't get me wrong, Sylus is absolutely morally gray and suspicious, but for the most part, he's not malevolent.

Now, idk bout y'all but the entire VIBE of Caleb's trailer was dark. Stormclouds, abundant. Lighting, striking. Traumatic memories/dreams, all of the above. The best part, watching Caleb suit up into that delicious black uniform. Did that honestly look like a uniform the good guy wears? Because I say hell no, not with those eyes and smile that are suddenly less endearing and more unnerving! Also, let's take a quick peek at those handsome eyes for a second, hmm? What color are they, again?

VIOLET

In film and media history alone, purple is definitely a color associated with the more suspicious/villainous characters. And if we're going by Paper Games alone, you know who else has the dark hair/violet eyed wombo combo?

This shady bastard, right here:

My first love and the original, truly villainous LI of MLQC: Lucien, aka Ares.

When I first started LADS, being a Lulu girlie, I immediately gravitated towards Zayne, obvi. But then I realized the only thing that was really similar was their stoic personalities. While they are also similar in terms of looks and professions, they share completely different motives. In reality, Zayne's arc mirrors more of Gavin's - reunited childhood friends. And while Zayne is typically an icy person in general, throughout the story he opens up so much to MC, allowing their relationship to grow. And while he is secretive about some things, for the most part, he's honest, almost to a fault. I never got the feeling or vibe that there was always another shoe to drop, or that he was hiding one hand behind his back while distracting us with the other like a certain someone listed above. And that is Lucien's draw. As soon as you find out his alter-ego, you're never TRULY sure which Lucien you're talking to from that point on. Are you Lucien, or are you Ares? Also, much of the time, especially in the traditional-themed cards, Lucien is almost always referenced with a snake to really hit home the duality and suspicious nature of his character.

I honestly think we're heading this direction with Caleb. Caleb, whose symbol is an apple. (Original Sin, hello.)

I feel like he's been in-the-thick-of-it longer than we realize. Like...he was recruited for a reason and it's not what we think. That wasn't a rookie's uniform, guys, that was a big boi uniform 😳 if you go to his character profile, it blatantly states he's a COLONEL. WHAT THE HELL!

Why am I excited about this? Aside from the copious amounts of angst we're going to get, it means that Caleb is already established in his career just like the others and that makes him more sure of his personal motives and decisions. (And his bad decisions, I can't wait for his bad decisions 🫠) This is what's going to drive the tension and antagonistic relationship between himself and MC. Because I can tell you right now, whatever that boy is doing, HE probably firmly believes it's the "right" thing to do. There was not one ounce of insecurity or hesitance when he put that uniform on. Is he tied to Ever? I'm going to say, absolutely. The speculation before the trailer was the only thing keeping me interested. I feel like they gave us a bland start to Caleb on purpose so the reveal would hit a little harder. And now that this seems to be the route we're headed, I'm INVESTED.

Food for thought, before I wrap up this long-winded rant:

Caleb is also supposed to be a direct foil to Zayne.

We already know that personality wise, they are quite opposite, but let's check their physicality.

Physically, they are very similar: tall, pale-skin, dark shaggy hair that's cut only slightly different. So where is our visual cue to really cement this foil? Well, it looks like again, it's all in the eyes. Because, what's across the color wheel from purple?

Green

This is just my take on things. Could be right, could also be dead wrong to which I will come back to this post and say so and leave it up for posterity's sake. 😆

At the end of the day, let's all remember that it's just a silly otome game that we all enjoy and in this house we love ALL 5 of our boys, (10 if we're adding MLQC 😂) so if you're gonna say something disrespectful or mean, please scroll on. But if you're coming with fun takes and theories of your own, I'm always free to chat!

[syndrossi]

resonant ch26 dvd commentary

That's right, it's a series now!

Favorite line:

“They will return soon enough,” he told the tiny dragons, feeling a kindred dismay that his sons had gone riding with someone other than him. “Until then, you must content yourselves with me.”

It's not my favorite chapter, and doesn't have any real bangers, but this was a fun little exchange. The mental image of Qelebrys and Shadow perched on Daemon's shoulders, all three of them wearing a glum/pouting expression, is very cute.

Favorite detail:

Carrying the theme that Daemon noticed when he took Rhaegar and Jon on Caraxes to and from the Giant's Toe, where Rhaegar is drawn to the beauty of the world when he's up high on a dragon, while Jon is looking at those ships below and pondering their significance. It's just as much reflective of their life experience as personality. Jon without the burdens he carries of having been a leader, responsible for administering multiple wars, might be able to afford to look upward or forward, rather than downward at the world encroaching in.

Favorite dynamic:

We had a few barbs traded with Cole, but it was fairly tame. Rhaenys and Daemon are my favorite dynamic again, in part because I enjoy writing people giving advice that makes sense to them but isn't necessarily the most healthy. No one character is an infinite font of wisdom, existing to dispense it to our heroes. Everyone has their own faults, flaws, self-interest, etc, and their advice is colored by it.

I'm talking, of course, about Rhaenys basically telling Daemon to suck it up, give up on having a good relationship with his brother founded on mutual understanding, and resign himself to the fact that his brother prefers a version of Daemon that isn't real, with all the edges filed off. Daemon does in fact know his brother better than Rhaenys, so it's actually not the best advice in this situation!

But it doesn't mean he didn't need to hear some version of "suck it up and figure out an approach," because he's been reactive/passive so far with Viserys. (Some of that is out of fear, to be fair.) But he can't afford to be afraid/not take risks, Rhaenys believes. Not with so much at stake.

(Rhaenys is not without her own self-interest, either.)

And Rhaenys has a better grasp on Otto than Daemon. She's not wrong about what he fears. So that was also good context for Daemon, if he pays it heed. But the conversation doesn't leave Daemon in a great place at the end, sadly.

"Quick" hitters:

I mentioned this before, but there were three separate scenes written for and removed from this chapter, including one that was up in the draft I saved on AO3 and then removed this morning before I posted it.

I think I figured out my real issue with this chapter, and it comes down to using the wrong lens during the Dragonpit parts. We're focused in tightly on Daemon and Rhaenys's conversation, which is fine/fair, but we pull back too much for the kids and hatchlings interactions. It would have been nice to perhaps get the actual introduction of the dragons as dialogue rather than exposition, and focus in a bit more on Jon during the final naming.

The chapter feels very self-indulgent and filler-y, which may be while I feel guilty about writing it. Not that you can't write those things, but I always feel like they fit better in side-stories.

Jon naming Shadow was added into this chapter after the fact. I'd decided on the name a while ago and kept trying to find the perfect moment for it, only for it to not really materialize. Jon making it a game the baby cousins could join in on ended up feeling right.

I kept going back and forth between the Valyrian and Common versions of "Shadow," but at the end of the day, Jon has a theme.

I really liked Harrenkos for a name ("suitably long" in Valyrian), given that Shadow is a longer boi than most.

With Laenor and Rhaenys about to be gone, and Rhaenyra in Dragonstone, the poor Velaryon boys are about to be on their own (with their nurses) for a while, poor lambs. We'll see if Daemon invites them over for supper a few times. That's a lot of kids to wrangle by himself!

I'd been holding onto this, but I don't think it's something I'll end up doing later on in the story, so I'll go ahead and share one of the deleted, incomplete scenes. Originally, there was going to be an attack on the carriage on the way back, but Daemon being up in the air on Caraxes made it a really poor choice on the part of their attackers (and the attack itself a little too obvious not to have the place swarmed with Goldcloaks), so I scrapped it.

Apologies to Rhaegar, who was going to get a hero moment and possibly his first kill (though I didn't get that far).

x~x~x

The hatchlings were exhausted after their exciting day, each settling on their laps to nap for the carriage ride back to the Red Keep. Jace soon followed their example, nodding off against Princess Rhaenys’s side twice before she rearranged him so that he could rest his head on her lap.

Jon had enjoyed their day out, but he did feel a sting of regret at not being able to accomplish either of the things he had wanted to today: gaining an audience with King Viserys, and speaking to their father about the candle. There was always tonight for the latter—or tomorrow. But he hated the thought of it continuing its efforts to torment Rhaegar, especially since they were now separated in the afternoon.

“Did you hear anything today?” he whispered to Rhaegar.

“Not in the yard,” his brother said, which was not a no.

The bumpiness of the ride down the sloped path leading from the Dragonpit gave way to the cobblestone of the Street of the Sisters. The sun had set, and the sky was halfway to twilight, leaving the interior of the carriage dark. Jon tuned his senses to hearing to distract from the unpleasant odor of Flea Bottom, which the street passed through briefly.

It was quieter than he remembered. Even the slums of King’s Landing had their equivalent of markets, and plenty of peddlers hawking their wares. He sat up straighter in his seat as the carriage slowed, and the strong scent of burning wood wafted through the window. He could hear the low murmur of their two Kingsguard ahead of the horses.

Jon glanced at Rhaegar, who met his gaze with a tense frown as their hatchlings stirred on their laps. Princess Rhaenys meanwhile was gently shaking Jace awake, turning to glance behind at the window. A glow was visible now, lighting up the area, and calls began to ring out from further away. Jon stood on his seat to get a better view; up ahead, he could see buildings aflame on either side of the street, and what looked to have once been a wagon burning in their path.

“Can we go around?” Jon heard Ser Erryk—or Arryk—say in a low tone to the carriage driver.

“Only if you fancy going deeper into Flea Bottom,” the man said.

“Turn back,” the Kingsguard ordered. “We will return to the Dragonpit.”

Smoke was beginning to drift through the window, stinging his eyes, and the shouts were growing louder. Jon reached carefully for his knife, which was strapped against his leg beneath his pants, though he did not yet slide it free. It was possible that whatever fire had broken out along their path was entirely accidental, but if so, it was extraordinarily convenient timing.

The clack of horseshoes on cobblestone was just audible over the din as one of the Kingsguard pulled alongside them. “My princess, remain within. We will turn and head back to the Dragonpit until the fires are put out.”

The tension in the knight’s voice told Jon that he too believed it to be no coincidence. The street was still narrow at this point, which meant two very long minutes of horse and carriage maneuvering to turn back north.

Too long.

The horrible scream of a wounded horse pierced through the din, and through the haze of the smoke still spilling in through the window, Jon could make out the shaft of an arrow embedded in its flank. Two clanking noises followed, the noise familiar to Jon—the clatter arrows deflected by a shield.

“Ser Erryk,” Princess Rhaenys called out tensely, holding Jace tightly to her side. Their young cousin was wide awake now, eyes large with fear.

There came another two loud thuds, this time above them, and Jon could see the point of an arrow splitting through the wood of the roof, and another a foot away from it.

“They are trying to set the carriage aflame, princess,” the knight said. By the sounds of it, he had drawn up along the side of the carriage opposite from where the first two arrows had come. “You and the children may need to leave it, if the fire catches.”

Jon could hear the agony of indecision in his voice. The carriage afforded protection from arrows, but the longer they remained within, the longer whoever was attacking it could get into position for—whatever it was they were after.

Us? Jon wondered. So far, none of the arrows had been aimed at the body of the carriage, but even so, he dragged Rhaegar several inches further from the wall. The other Cargyll brother joined his twin on the safe side of the carriage.

“There are at least four with bows,” he said. “They do not yet approach.”

The horse’s screams were quieting, which Jon knew meant another obstruction on the road. The smoke was growing thicker, enough to make Jace cough, and a glance upward revealed a darkening of the wood of the roof.

“Jon.” Rhaegar’s voice was low but urgent, his face set with tension. He extended a hand toward Jon. “Give me the knife.”

His first instinct was to deny the request, the notion of being unarmed in the chaos nearly unthinkable, but his arm was still injured. Rhaegar might lack Jon’s experience in a real melee, but he stood a better chance of defending them.

[end scene]

[demadogs]

Why byler? Is my question what is it about them that’s so popular

ooo this is a fun one. im assuming you may be one of my newer followers who didnt follow me when i was in the byler trenches. welcome. let me explain.

i think probably the biggest reason people gravitate towards byler is that its extremely fun for people who love film analysis because most of us genuinely believe it will happen in s5. for me specifically, this is the entire reason im here. i first started liking byler when s2 came out but it was casual. i just thought they'd be cute together. once s3 came out and i saw someone point out that mike was framed perfectly in a closet, that was my turning point. thats when i got insane about them because i actually believed its where they were headed.

its always fun to ship your favorite characters and engage in fanfics and fanart, but when theres a genuine belief that this is the direction the story is actually going in, its just a completely different experience. its a whole other world. its no longer about the characters themselves anymore. its about the cinematography, the props, the color palettes, the music choices, the blocking, the lighting. all of these things and more have provided evidence for why we believe byler will be endgame. its the perfect ship for people who are really passionate about filmmaking as a whole. 

many of us, including myself, got our degrees in film or have a background in filmmaking. ive made my own films and i plan to make more. one of them was screened at a festival. ive written academic papers on shows and movies. i've taken college film classes where my professors talked about stranger things. im a professional photographer which coincides a lot with film. i have this blog to talk about my favorite fictional media online. every time i watch something new i read long analyses on the media. if they dont exist, i write them myself and post them here. i love talking about and learning about and watching cinema on a much deeper level than someone who just throws on a show when theyre bored. so watching two complex characters not only have romantic tension in their actions and dialogue alone, but also have enough depth to analyze the practical filmmaking choices that prove they are going to end up together…. well its like fucking cocaine to me.

another reason is that mike wheeler, in my opinion, has the potential to have some of the most well written internalized homophobia ever. and i think he differs greatly from a lot of other characters with internalized homophobia because the writers have had the patience to not fully confirm his sexuality until the final season. many other queer characters who struggle with their sexuality come to terms with it over the course of one season or less. or they write it with dramatic irony so the audience is always well aware they are queer from the getgo, even if the character doesnt know yet. while theres nothing inherently wrong with any of these choices, i think having a more outside perspective on internalized homophobia and having that perspective be told slowly will make for a much more authentic and powerful queer coming of age story. i think all of mikes flaws and animosity towards both will and el will pay off so much once we know what hes been going through. i believe this character actually has the potential to reach people who arent accepting of the queer community right now.

byler also just resonates with the queer community so much. a lot of queer ships, especially mlm ships, are dominated by straight women, sometimes to the point where the ship doesn't even feel like its a part of queer culture anymore. its just nice to have a gay ship that feels like its for gay people. and as much as i love a really well written tragedy, its also nice that we can see a happy ending so clearly.

in short, its just fun. the whole "will they/wont they" element is fun as hell. ive never had that with a ship before. i tend to lean towards slow burns that i know will be canon (snowbaz <3) or tragedies that are so gut wrenching i dont even WISH they got together (jackieshauna <333) byler however just speaks to my film loving soul on such a deep level. its perfect for me. its so fun to analyze and read other people's analyses. i cant wait to see how it unfolds in s5.

[sitp-recs]

hi! thanks for your blog. do you have any recs for realistic mental health fics? thanks!

Hi anon! I can share some fics that resonated with me but please keep in mind that I’m no expert on the topic and cannot attest nor validate these portrayals in a professional capacity. I hope they work for you!

Touched by @writcraft (T, 7k)

On the insistence of his parents, Draco begins to see a therapist to discuss his difficulties with physical intimacy. When he changes his appointment time, Draco discovers he’s not the only one seeking assistance as a result of events which occurred during the war and he finds comfort in the most unexpected of places.

The Body Keeps Score by amorsindolor (E, 13k)

Draco cries during sex. A story about touch, intimacy, and the healing we find through mutual trust and love.

Edificabo by @doubleappled (E, 18k)

Numb and exhausted after the war, Harry returns to the only real home he’s ever known. Hogwarts needs help, too.

All That Remains by lordhellebore (M, 21k)

In a Great Britain destroyed by war and plagued by magical epidemics, those who are left behind struggle to survive and find meaning. While Draco battles his guilt by becoming a social worker, Harry is headed down a path of self-destruction.

Come Hell or High Water, anon (M, 22k)

In his bed under Mungo's floating candles, Harry sips tea, watches reality TV, and does his best not to pay any mind to the curse which has invaded his body.

Vale Sanare by RurouniHime (M, 23k)

Draco’s world gains a new component just when he thought he’d sorted everything out.

Holly and Hawthorn, Thistle and Thyme by bryoneybrynn (E, 31k)

After the war, Harry can’t shake the feeling that something is very wrong with him and he has a terrible feeling he knows what that “something” might be. He has a terrible feeling Malfoy might know, too.

(Un)wanted by @aibidil (E, 36k)

Ginny's pregnant, then she's not and Harry's single. Harry, again with no family, doesn't know what to do with this turn of events, or how to find a new life—post-war, post-Ginny, post-abortion—in which he belongs.

He Who Must Not Be Normal by lettered (E, 41k)

Potter has fame and fortune and posh clothes and all he wants is a simple life. Draco has a flat and a cat and a steady job and all he wants is a complicated life.

A Piercing Comfort by talithan (T, 44k)

When Harry Potter hits the lowest point of his life so far, it is not his friends who keep him honest. With Draco Malfoy's patience and guidance, Harry learns to stand on his own. The thing is, after the fact—he's no longer sure he wants to.

The Four Doors by @fluxweeed (E, 49k)

It’s been four months since Harry lost his memory. Four months of dead ends and no answers. With time running out until his memories are gone for good, Harry agrees to a course of Legilimency therapy with a renowned specialist: Mind Healer Draco Malfoy.

Here's The Pencil, Make It Work by ignatiustrout (M, 49k)

Harry thinks "Why is Malfoy working in a coffee shop in muggle London?" is a much simpler question than, "Are you going to accept that auror offer and, if you don't, what will you do?"

Chocolate and Pastry by agentmoppet, anemonen (E, 50k)

When Pansy bets Draco that there is no chance he and Harry could carry out a genuine romantic relationship, he and Harry form a plan. But as their fake relationship progresses, Draco sees a side of Harry he never expected.

(We'll Call This Fixer-Upper) Home by @phdmama (E, 52k)

Draco Malfoy hasn’t set foot on English soil in ten years. After the war, he fled to America, where he found himself in a community, and healed himself through following his heart into music. He’s now the lead singer and songwriter for an internationally known band, who have come back to headline the Wiltshire Music Festival.

Meet Me at Midnight by @the-starryknight (T, 57k)

Harry was beginning to wonder if he’d ever make anything again when Malfoy stormed through the door of Harry’s furniture shop. Now Harry’s got an impossible Ministry commission to finish, and even less energy than ever to deal with his elusive muse.

The Way Down by lettered (T, 65k)

Harry is overwhelmed by his own power and fame and angst, so he's become a hermit. Draco Malfoy is tired of the melodrama.

I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di (E, 93k)

Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels. Harry has been struggling since the war and has become a recluse while trying to write his autobiography.

By the Grace by lettered (T, 140k)

Harry is an Auror instructor. Malfoy wants to be an Auror.

[preseriesdean]

for @spnficrecfest day ten 🧡

2x05 SIMON SAID

have a cigar by deadlybride 5.6k words, rated E, published 2020 What happened with Andy and Ansem unsettles Sam. Dean doesn't seem worried.

2x14 HOUSES OF THE HOLY

The real green thing will come by victoria_p 1k words, rated T, published 2007 He'd like to blame the whiskey, but he thinks it's more than that, this whatever-it-is between them that's been there for years.

2x20 WHAT IS AND WHAT SHOULD NEVER BE + 2x22 ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE

Worthless cartography by Goshen / applecrumbledore 15.6k words, rated E, published 2022 Dean didn’t know what finally made him go for it. The djinn’s dream was a catalyst, but the call was coming from inside the house, and he’d been letting it ring for a very, very long time. (They get one night together right before Sam is taken to Cold Oak. Dean has to deal with that.)

2x22 ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE

When I Fall Asleep it Is Your Eyes That Close by britomart_is 1.9k words, rated E, published 2009 Sam is alive. Dean is happy.

3x11 MYSTERY SPOT

North of Wednesday by Mollyamory 3.5k words, rated G, published 2008 Sam's behind the wheel before he realizes he doesn't have the keys. Dean does. There should be another cheesy eighties song coming on any second, because it's like he wakes up again, without ever falling asleep.

This Fortress Made of Us by mickeym 10.8k words, rated E, published 2009 Sam really didn't do very well without his brother.

What Went Wrong Yesterday by SinnamonSpider 16.2k words, rated E, published 2017 With Broward County in their rearview and a new case in their laps, Sam struggles to come to terms with the six months he spent alone after Dean’s death - and the fact that it never happened at all. And on top of it all, he now has to deal with the feelings for his brother that have been dragged to the surface.

4x17 IT'S A TERRIBLE LIFE

How Many Floors to Realize by lazy_daze 26.2k words, rated E, published 2009 In which Zachariah decides to keep stringing them along a little while longer, because damn if they aren't somewhat entertaining, right?

5x01 SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL

Lesser Evils by Dyed_Red 9.3k words, rated E, published 2020, non-con “So you’re just gonna, what – torture us for an hour while your guys hightail it to Buffalo? That’s your master plan here?” “Oh I can do a lot in an hour or two, Sammy. Like having your surrogate daddy here carve Dean a new face. Like backsliding you off your pretty bandwagon. Like…Seeing how far big brother will go for his sweet baby Sam.”

5x04 THE END

Further than a Ship, Faster Than a Bomb by queenklu 622 words, rated M, published 2010 Set during 5x04, when there was a glorious moment of two Dean Winchesters at the same time. "You left him."

5x14 MY BLOODY VALENTINE

The Heart of Life by queenklu 626 words, rated T, published 2010 A Vonnegut Valentine.

5x18 POINT OF NO RETURN

the tabernacle reconstructed by redmyeyes 2.9k words, rated M, published 2022 They pulled on clothes, afterwards.

6x18 FRONTIERLAND

You Have One Saved Message by killabeez 3.1k words, rated T, published 2011 Sam gets a new smart phone.

6x22 THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH

These Things I Know Are True by killabeez 4.6k words, rated E, published 2011 Cas is off the rails, Sam's barely keeping it together, and Dean's trying to figure out where they go from here.

8x21 THE GREAT ESCAPIST

Last Temptation by merle_p 3k words, rated M, published 2021 Sam is running a fever again, the kind of fever no Ibuprofen or cold compress will bring down, the kind of fever that is eating him up alive, eviscerating him from the inside. He is too hot and too cold and too pale, delirious and shaking, resonating with whatever divine energy the trials are subjecting him to, and Dean is not sure how much longer he can stand to see him be in this state.

10x12 ABOUT A BOY

capitulation by deadlybride 8.5k words, rated E, published 2018 When they don't manage to turn Dean back into his adult self, Sam spends a month researching how to fix it.

Betelgeuse by hellhoundsprey 2.8k words, rated E, published 2020 The hex bag never burned.

Telescope by doctor_idiot 7k words, rated E, published 2017 Sam stares at his brother in his baggie hoodie with the rolled-up up sleeves and he wants to cry.

11x17 RED MEAT

Chosen by killabeez 2.5k words, rated E, published 2016, mcd This might be their last night on earth, so Sam figures, what the hell.

[personastrologyhub]

The Journey Between What Was and What’s Next

So a little transparency post.

Right now, I’m at a transitional point in my life, and I love learning more and more about astrology because I realised how practical and fundamental it is in helping me understand myself better. I’m currently trying to really investigate and learn all there is about how each house manifests, looking into deeper interpretations of what we can learn about each part of life through the houses.

Lately, I’ve been exploring the 1st House with a lot of focus on the Ascendant. We already know that the Ascendant represents the lens through which we experience the world, so I won't get into detail about what it means assuming that we all know but nevertheless, I was looking into text and work from Howard Sasportas and I really love his perspective of the Ascendent describing it as the "maze" we navigate, which also holds clues to finding our way out. Out to greatness, and out to our sun, where we shine.

For example, as a Scorpio Ascendant, which you probably guessed, the moment I mentioned (investigate). I know there’s an association with uncovering truth. I have always been about trying to find out how things work and digging deeper, uncovering doors that people would rather leave closed.

The lens through which I see the world can sometimes be of depth, sometimes secrecy, but most importantly, it's through transformation. For me, my path involves, investigating my own inner fears and shadows, bringing them to the surface and then truly transforming by letting go of habits that no longer serve me and coming face to face with my own devil.

Doing so requires me to go deeper, to surrender and let go of control and trusting that things will work out for me, and that sometimes, things need to be destroyed so that you can rebuild.

There's a connection there, between the Ascendant and how we experience new beginnings —not just literal birth but every new phase, chapter, or transition in life will bring about or evoke the Ascendent. In the book, "The Houses" he suggests that early life experiences, particularly around birth, set the tone for how we approach these moments. For example, Capricorn/Saturn Ascendants may feel cautious or hesitant, rooted in early struggles or responsibilities tied to Saturnian energy.

Scorpio Rising on the other hand, are often marked by physical, emotional, or situational crises—a dramatic or difficult entrance into the world, may approach things with suspicion, lack of trust and the need to control everything.

I thought this was fascinating, and went to investigate and uncovered that during my birth, there was a real tussle between life and death for both my mother and me. When the doctors were delivering me, I was breached so they had to do a Emergency C section then things were going wrong and my heartbeat was raised, the process was so frantic that they accidentally dislocated my shoulder as i was being pulled out. My first baby pictures shows me in the hospital wearing a little baby sling. It’s fascinating how astrology can provide insights like this.

So for me as Scorpio is ruled by Pluto (modern) and Mars (traditional), both associated with transformation, survival, and regeneration.

Approach to New Beginnings:

Transitions for me often involve endings first—a symbolic death before rebirth.

Every new era in my life resonates with my instinct to dig deep, transform, and emerge stronger, much like the mythical phoenix rising from the ashes.

Starting this blog for me was really hard. IT WAS quite literally a tussle between my old self, thinking "will people want to read this, I'm not good enough or more knowledgeable enough than the other astrologers bloggers here and my new self that wants to rise into this new version of me where I am doing what I love to do. I snuggled immensely with cautiousness and inability to just let go and trust that it will all work out.

The Role of Intensity and Regeneration:

Scorpio Rising thrives in situations that push them to evolve. They may unconsciously attract or create circumstances that force them to confront their limits and grow.

Each new phase in life echoes the qualities of the Ascendant and the issues tied to our first house. These echoes are like subconscious patterns imprinted at birth that reawaken during transitions.

Aries Ascendant

Maze Created: Life is seen as a battleground where action, courage, and decisiveness are necessary. They interpret life as a place that rewards boldness and initiative.

Birth Symbolism: Often associated with quick or eventful births, Aries Ascendants may have entered the world energetically, perhaps as fighters, literally or figuratively.

Transitions: They approach new beginnings with enthusiasm but can rush headlong into situations without full consideration, often learning through trial and error.

Way Out: They must learn patience and strategy, realizing that not every situation requires immediate action or confrontation.

Taurus Ascendant

Maze Created: Life is seen as a place to seek security, comfort, and stability. They create patterns focused on holding onto what they have.

Birth Symbolism: Taurus Ascendants may have had slower, steadier births or situations where grounding and perseverance were required.

Transitions: They approach new phases cautiously, preferring to ensure stability before taking risks. They may resist change, needing time to feel secure in new beginnings.

Way Out: They must embrace change and let go of attachment to material and emotional security, learning that true stability comes from within.

For someone with Scorpio Rising, the story of their birth—literal or metaphorical—might hold keys to understanding their life’s themes. How do you feel about transitions? Do they mirror the intensity or struggle associated with birth? Are new beginnings met with a sense of profound transformation, or is there resistance tied to fear of change?

Understanding these patterns can offer deep insight into how we meet life and find ways to break free from the "maze" we’ve constructed.

[dawn-sunlight]

A New Way To Go Analysis

I believe A New Way To Go is the best Lion Guard song because absolutely everyone brought their A game while making it. The visuals are amazing, the tune is catchy, but I think the best thing about the song is how well it illustrates exactly what's going through Janja's head. There's so much character work you can glean from the song and that's what's so good about it.

“Why am I so confused?  It all used to be so simple.” - Jasiri has completely upset the status quo for Janja; she doesn’t fit in his worldview because she’s a strong, capable hyena who follows the Circle of Life, is friends with a lion(the leader of the Lion Guard no less), and has saved him from death twice now despite being on the opposite side as him, and he can’t ignore his growing feeling that maybe everything he’s known all his life is actually wrong. He didn’t know there was another way, he genuinely thought he had to act like this, but now that Jasiri has offered him another way, he can’t get himself to just forget about it and carry on like normal.

“What changed?  Think!” - He didn’t used to have these doubts, and he’s trying to figure out what’s different now.  He’s trying to figure out and understand what has changed significantly enough to make him question his life and his beliefs like this.

“Jasiri doesn’t fear me she’s been saving my hide!” - He wants to be seen as this tough and intimidating figure, and at first it bugs him that Jasiri isn’t intimidated by him as seen in Never Judge a Hyena by It’s Spots, but now it just confuses him.  And on top of that, she saves him, not just once but twice, despite being on the opposite side as him.

“I know she buys the whole ‘Circle of Life’” - The choice of words here(he says Jasiri “buys” the concept rather than she follows it or respects it or something like that) implies that Janja thought the concept was literally made up and not real, which I do believe is a different case than someone who knows the concept is real and still decides they want more than their fair share.

“I mean, Si Si Ni Sawa’s kinda catchy all right.” - He’s trying to justify to himself why he’s been thinking about what Jasiri said so much.  Also, this song confirms he saw at least the last verse of Si Si Ni Sawa because 1. He knows the chorus to the song despite having never having been sung it, 2. He knows Jasiri sung it to Kion, and 3. He imitates the thing Kion and Jasiri did at the end of the song in his last verse of the chorus.

“He’d never give me something a hyena couldn’t handle, would he?” - Janja's trying really hard to rationalize Scar's behavior and treatment of him and his clan, but his faith in Scar is starting to waver. In the visuals, we see Scar with his master plan, and then we see Janja, Cheezi, and Chungu holding the ground up for him because they’re doing the heavy lifting for Scar.  But when Janja asks “would he?” indicating that he no longer has complete and total faith in Scar, the whole thing crashes down.

This shot right here is beautiful, it really just sums up the whole song in one singular frame.

“‘Si si ni sawa’ means ‘we’re the same’” “Oh no!  It set something off inside my brain!” - Janja hates that Jasiri’s words make sense to him, and he hates that they’re resonating with him even more.

“She says I can trust her but I don’t know, could there really be a new way to go?” - Janja genuinely doesn’t know any better and that’s why he acts the way he does.

“It’s like I’d rather be happy then scrapping for food or respect ugh what’s happening?” - I think this is the line that gets me the most because it shows that Janja never considered his own feelings on things to be more important or even of equal importance than living up to expectations, and when he finally considers “maybe I’d be happier on the other side” he goes “this is ridiculous why am I thinking like this?”  To Janja, it didn’t matter what he actually wanted, because the way others saw him and getting food were more important than silly things like happiness.

“Maybe the stuff I thought was wrong was right! I think I like it but I’m still undecided how to choose, what to do!” - He’s torn between what he’s known all his life as the truth and what he’s “supposed” to do vs what his feelings are saying on the matter.

Since Jasiri told Kion they’re the same, if Janja accepts that what Jasiri says is true and Jasiri and him are the same, that means he also accepts that Kion and him are the same, and Janja knows this.  During the first chorus of A New Way to Go, Jasiri sings Si Si Ni Sawa to Janja, while in the second, she sings it to Kion.  While in the first instance Janja seems more worried about the fact that it resonated, in the second instance Janja seems more annoyed about this.  This and the fact that he crushes them with his paw during the second time indicates that he knows accepting what Jasiri said also means accepting that Kion and him are the same, and that’s something he really does not want to acknowledge.

One of the things the visuals of this song really show is that Janja clearly feels separated from the other side, even Jasiri, and doesn’t know if he really could switch sides because of the divide he feels.

The ending shot is very interesting because of this; while Janja still has his Outlander coloring, the Outlander spotlight is gone, making him still stick out but putting him in the same world as Jasiri and her hyenas, indicating that Janja has accepted what Jasiri is saying, even if only subconsciously.

Jasiri’s portrayal here vs The Worst Hyena We Know is pretty interesting, because in that song Jasiri is much more closed off to Janja.  She’s playful and somewhat flirty towards him, but still has a dismissive and “haha losers” attitude towards him and his hyenas.  Here however, she is a lot more sympathetic and open towards him.  She’s lost the snarky and dismissive attitude she had in The Worst Hyena We Know and is just playful now.  This is because before, Janja only had those kinds of experiences with Jasiri and probably thought Jasiri would push him off a cliff if given the chance(given the fact that he was surprised that she saved him from a horrible death via falling into lava I don’t think this is a crazy conclusion to come to), but now, he knows that’s very not true.

There's even this neat part here where you can parallel the two songs and see the difference

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: A Tropical Rebel Gets the Duke

4.75/5. Releases 2/5/2025.

The Vibes:

—dislike to FWB to lovers

—reproductive freedom

—he wants to prove society wrong; she's outside society

—the rake to stupid in love pipeline

The Basics:

Controversial duke Apollo has never gotten along with doctor (and secret women's health provider) Aurora—though this doesn't stop them from wanting each other. But when he offers to help Aurora care for her patients—a task that puts her life at risk—their attraction gives way to an emotional connection that could be the ruin of both...

The Review:

Adriana Herrera's Las Leonas series has been quite strong throughout, and she saved the best for last(?). There's been this steady build to Apollo, the (understandably) embittered, seductive heir to a dukedom and Aurora, a strident do-gooder who wants nothing and everything to do with him. And trust me when I say they don't take long to throw themselves at each other.

Which is a very, very good thing.

But Herrera gets exactly what makes my beloved "fuck first, feelings later" trope so good. Apollo and Aurora jump into bed together quickly, but then there's all the emotional melting that needs to happen—and that takes a bit longer, in a sizzling tension of words left unsaid. All in all? This is a pretty damn romantic book. He's smitten; she's resistant. (And she has her reasons, very valid.)

The emotional piece here is really a web of character development, and Herrera makes each beat heartfelt and believable. It's a feeeeeeelings book. But there's a good chunk of plot in here as well. A lot of what has Apollo going—a chip on his shoulder, as he's the son of a white, horrible duke and a Black woman who was essentially tossed aside by his father—was covered in A Caribbean Heiress in Paris, and I do recommend reading that book in particular first. (Though An Island Princess Starts a Scandal is extremely worth reading as well.) He wants to conquer English society because he hates it, wants to make them feel stupid and lesser. Again, totally valid.

But it's not as much of a centerpiece as I expected—which isn't a bad thing. Because the centerpiece, aside from the love story, is Aurora's dedication to her calling as a doctor and a women's healthcare provider. This novel deeply deals with reproductive freedom and the importance of a woman's right to a safe and legal abortion. And I won't lie—that aspect is pretty emotional, now more than ever.

One thing I loved as well was Apollo's progression. Initially, he's really just worried about Aurora's safety and the risk of her getting in legal trouble. In other words, he's a progressive man of his era, but he's still a man of his era—and he isn't vilified for that, but instead given the opportunity to grow and really come through for Aurora, providing himself.

This has all the things you want from an Adriana Herrera book—it's funny, it's scorching hot, it's smart. But it's also perhaps the most emotionally resonant book I've read by her, wherein I was just dying for these two to make it work. And that made it my favorite novel she's released so far.

The Sex:

But also, this was super hot.

There's honestly a lot of sex on the page here. Maybe 6ish full scenes, I think? And a lot of very, very well-written oral. You get no-strings sex, you get passionate hookups, you get in loooooooooooove sex. It's all deliciously written, it's all great, thank you for your service Adriana Herrera.

There was ONE thing she hinted at but didn't go into (haha) that I wish would've been expanded on a bit.... But hey, I can't complain too much.

Conclusion:

Right now, a lot of historical romances feel very safe. Very tame. They lack a punch. This not only packs a punch—it goes straight for your heart. Highly recommend.

Thanks to NetGalley and Canary Street Press for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[mistytarot0919]

★~(◠‿◕✿)Tarot observations - Delays indicators

Hello, everyone! Misty - your tarot fairy here˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚.🎀༘⋆!

©mistytarot0919 - all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, alter, or repost my work.

Please REBLOG if you find this information useful! ༄˖°🪐.ೃ࿔*

Tarot cards indeed have multiple meanings, and their interpretations can vary based on the context in which they appear and the surrounding cards.

Certain cards may suggest delays or obstacles in a situation, and when multiple such cards appear together, it can strengthen the indication of a delay. It is important to consider the overall theme of the reading and the specific cards present to understand the message they convey accurately.

For other posts like this, you can check here (ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ.ﾟ

For other tarot content you can find more over here(❁´◡`❁).

Misty ε(´｡•᎑•`)っ 💕

Judgement – Reversed

 you may be allowing fear and self-doubt to hold you back from making the decisions necessary to move forward in a positive direction

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Eight of Wands – Reversed

Tends to mean now, today or tomorrow reversed brings the idea that it will be longer

This card shown in reverse can be frustrating but know things will come around — eventually

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Two of Swords

Something is being missed, and it will cause delays.   Take the time to look carefully at the situation.

Maybe a delayed start, or now is not the time, or it might indicate that you’re on the wrong path.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Three of Wands – Reversed

Indicative that you may need to realign your plans, what you are waiting for most likely is not going to happen.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Hanged Man

This card is an opportunity to see things from a different perspective.  It reminds you to have patience and not force things.   Everything comes in its own time.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Four of Swords

Where many cards may indicate a delay from exterior sources, this one suggest that a delay from the sitter may be warranted.  Look at the card and the peaceful and relaxed man.   There is a positive in waiting.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Four of Cups

This card emphasizes the importance of taking a step back to evaluate your true desires and motivations rather than simply accepting opportunities at face value.

It encourages you to take the time you need to reflect on your options.

Reminder that sometimes, it's okay to say no to something just because it doesn’t resonate with you.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Ace of wands - Reversed

Suggests that the initial excitement and passion for a new project or venture may be hindered by obstacles or unforeseen challenges.

This card serves as a reminder that not all ideas come to fruition as we envision, and it's okay to step back and reevaluate the direction you're heading.

This downtime might also provide a chance to gather more resources, seek out advice, or gain clarity on your vision.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ☆ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

The Chariot - Reversed

It signifies a lack of control or direction in your journey.

You might feel frustrated as external factors, such as others' actions or unexpected obstacles, keep pulling you off your intended path.

This card can also suggest inner conflict, where your personal motivations are misaligned with your external circumstances.

[shallow-wordsalad]

January 31, 2004 (Night of Fate)

(Other chapters available Here! )

I rise fully to my feet and straighten my back. With Berserker before me, all fear of the enemy Servant has been cast out of me. Berserker's determination is mine, and mine is his - I knit my brow and stare fiercely ahead.

The Servant standing in my defense is a tower of a man. 203 cm in height, he looms hauntingly over most everyone I know. He's even taller than the Servant I'm fighting, even if his build isn't quite as dense. To those that know no better, they might presume the enemy is still the more powerful Servant…

But my Berserker is the strongest.

His armor creaks once again, steel grinding against steel as he turns his head just slightly towards me. He's asking for orders.

"This is your first battle for me, Berserker," I answer with expectations lending weight to my command. "Show me what you can do, and lay waste to our enemy."

"…" He doesn't answer, except to take a few deep, labored breaths. It feels like he's controlling his anger at every moment to avoid rampaging like a living storm. His armor creaks once more, and he takes a single heavy step forward. Plumes of smoke seep menacingly from the seams of his armor, and whorl around him in a vortex of the violence to come.

—The enemy Servant, meanwhile, understands completely the gravity of the foe he now faces. No longer thrashing a human mage so far from his equal, he focuses - and with his tension comes a flash of silver. Instantly, his casual clothing is replaced by gallant armor of brilliant white, encasing him in the symbols of his chivalrous past. A cape of blue forms and billows behind him, feeling the pressure of Berserker's slow approach.

A sword manifests in his right hand as well. A silver blade that radiates an undeniable purity. I'm just estimating at this distance, but it looks to be between 60 and 80 cm, making it a longsword by Western definitions. For a lesser man, it'd be a two-handed weapon, but my opponent wields it like a feather in one.

"I am the Servant Saber," He declares in a deep and powerful tone, pointing his blade in challenge at my Berserker. "Be you a knight as well, Berserker?"

…Berserker takes another heavy, belabored step. The smoke whorling around him twists and writhes in response to Saber's words.

Saber narrows his eyes and his mouth becomes tight.

"I know not from which nation you hail, brother, but any true knight is a friend of mine. So tell me…" His grip on his sword tightens. "You wear the armor of my friend, Sir Lancelot. Is that your name, Berserker?"

"—" Berserker seethes, another heavy breath leaving his helmet as yet more smoke that clouds the air around him. A hand rises with the groaning of steel, and in Berserker's right hand manifests a steel longsword charred black by his conflagrating presence.

As Berserker takes another step, I scan my surroundings for cover, and flee away from the fight to come. Saber watches me retreat, but with Berserker in his path makes no effort to follow. He has neither time nor focus to pay my way with that thing slowly marching towards him.

"Sir Lancelot, if you can hear me," Saber retreats but one step, only to square himself into a solid forward stance. He calls to Berserker with a pleading command in his tone. "If you are yet possessed of any reason…It is I! Your brother-in-arms, Gawain! Fight the maddening spell which binds you, my friend!"

"—You are wrong, Saber." The deep, seething voice that leaves Berserker is made resonant inside his hollow helmet. "I am not Sir Lancelot."

I take cover behind a sturdy, short wall in the park. Still observing, I'm at least out of range of the sparks that will fly from this battle. As if sensing that his defenseless burden has been shed, Berserker's restraints are lost and his steps become fast and powerful. I feel a pull from deep within me as he begins to supply himself with my mana, and move with the purpose for which he was called.

One step. Then two. Then three. Berserker charges. His blade rises—then falls, a perfect arc aimed for Saber's neck! Steel sings from Saber's deflection, drawing their swords into a bind at forward range. Both about one step from each other, Saber and Berserker's blades meet in testing taps and swaying changes in strength. An attempt to weave under Berserker's sword is deflected and drawn into a low bind, then a thrust from Berserker is caught and tied back into a forward. Saber's strength pushes through Berserker's guard, and he makes to strike the opening at his shoulder! But it was a lure to make Saber strike! With his gut open, Berserker turns to void Saber's strike and sweep a blade at his armored belly! Saber swiftly catches the lethal attack by twisting awkwardly from his own, and locks his sword with Berserker's - only for a gauntlet-wrapped fist to strike his jaw!

…I may have given the implication that my human eyes could fully follow what transpired. They could not. For me, all I saw was lines and arcs of black and white clashing beneath the moon, and then Saber staggering back a step. He's unharmed, but rattled.

"You're sane…" He hisses, keeping his sword steady in his familiar forward stance. "This isn’t the wild flailing of a madman—it’s the skill of a knight." "—" Berserker feels no need to confirm the obvious, resuming his own stance - low with his sword near his waist. "How? By your class's ability, you should be a rampaging warrior of fury. But…moreover," Saber swats Berserker's sword aside with his effortless strength, but the follow-up he creates is redirected by Berserker's rising blade. "Why are you in brother Lancelot's armor?!"

"You distract yourself with trivialities." Berserker's voice is the crackle of flame in response, turning his defense into an attack with a twist of his shoulders. Saber is made to fall back by repeated attacks in zwerchhau, exploiting Saber's high guard to curve slashes towards his head back and forth. Each strike is parried, kept away from making any contact, until his retreat creates enough distance to pull his sword under Berserker's and stab for his chest! The blade is caught with a turn of Berserker's wrist, drawing the blade's motion in a circle and back into an overhead bind - where Saber lunges forward not with his blade, but with his shoulder! The full weight of the massive knight crashes into Berserker. Steel clangs against steel as their armors dent, and Berserker is pushed back.

—This is too even. They're equally matched! The energy Berserker is drawing from me makes my breath come fast and ragged, like I’ve just sprinted a hundred meters. He’s pulling this much from me—so why isn’t he winning? My Berserker should be destroying him, but Saber's skill matches his strength… Although it seems Saber's losing mentally, their swordsmanship is perfectly balanced. Gawain. He said his name was Gawain. Sir Gawain, of the Round Table? A true knight of purest virtue, among the mightiest of King Arthur's court. Second only to Lancelot in skill, and unmatched by any in sheer strength. It's said that so long as the sun shines, none can contest Sir Gawain. …I suppose it's some measure of mercy we met at night. Literal things like that are the core of Servants, and why most keep their identities hidden. I suppose Saber's confidence and nobility outweigh his long-term tactical sense. Meanwhile, I’m wracking my brain for a way to tip these unfairly-even scales…