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lyra-swan · 5 months ago

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Books I've read in 2024 that I recommend:

I've read 24 books this year, which is the most I've read since I was a kid binging Warrior Cats and Enid Blyton's series, usually I'd struggle to finish one book within a year, but I got a library card this year and ended up checking out more books than I'd expected. Anyway, I wanted to make a post with my favourite reads and recommend them as a way to celebrate me being able to read so much for the first time in a long time. Big thank you to my library for all the LGBT books it keeps in stock, otherwise I would've been too bored to continue reading. The links all lead to the books' goodreads pages.

Tipping The Velvet, Sarah Waters

5/5 stars! Finished this one in December and I loved it to death! I just happened to see it on goodreads in the recommended section of another book I was looking at and I'm glad I saw it, and especially that my library had a beautiful hardcover on its shelf. It's a rags to riches, to rags to riches, then rags again story and it's a lot of fun seeing where the protagonist will end up next in a later Victorian era London. The writing is excellent, and I loved the whole cross-dressing theme in the book, especially when Nancy decides to pretend to 'be a boy' and trick gay men into believing she is one 'for a pound a suck'. The moment Kitty was introduced, on the stage as a male impersonator in a suit, I was in love with the book. I couldn't recommend this enough and if you like cross-dressing girls and tragic lesbian romances then give this a shot.

The Tin Drum, Gunter Grass

5/5 stars. This was the first book I checked out from the library this year once I updated my library card from the children's section. For a short description: it's about an insane little pervert midget who pretends to be three for the remainder of his life after turning three, and is obsessed with tin drums and nurses. It's hilarious, shocking, sometimes disgusting, and I loved the way the author wrote Oskar. My favourite aspects of his characterisation is how he chides himself for, I won't be specific for spoilers, some of the bad things he does, but as a reader I got the feeling he doesn't actually care that much, like it doesn't seem to deeply trouble him, yet somehow does, yet somehow doesn't, god he's a complicated character and I love the writing to bits. He grows up during the growth of the Nazi party and eventually, WW2, then everything afterwards, and it's such a unique perspective seeing it through this insane midget's eyes. Always the narrator (Oskar, from his bed in a mental facility) switches between first and third person, but it was done very smoothly and was just icing on the cake for me. I've spilt a full glass of wine while writing this and I'm very upset over the loss.

A Single Man, Christopher Isherwood

5/5 stars. This is my favourite novel by Christopher, having read Mr. Norris Changes Trains and Goodbye to Berlin after The Tin Drum. I watched the movie this month and while I thought it was a pretty good adaptation, I love the book more. Had I known I'd be writing this post I'd love to have written more notes for this to better put into words what exactly I loved about this book. Christopher knocked it out the park with this one, and in 1964 when E. M. Forster was still hiding Maurice, which I also read and am extremely thankful was eventually published.

Dancer from the Dance, Andrew Holleran

5/5 stars. I will need to re-read this one, I unfortunately had things going on and I was too focused on those happenings to really pay attention. But when I was able to focus on reading, I loved it a lot. It takes place in the gay scene of 1970's New York and has such a sad tone right from the first chapter, something I'm a sucker for when done right (and here it is done perfectly), but it also made me smile plenty of times. The main character's need to be liked was relatable in a way for me, and the queen Sutherland who helps him through his new life was my favourite character in the novel. (There's a Sutherland Security in my country and I always thought of the character when I saw a sign for the company while knocking on doors delivering pizza). The depiction of the setting, and the surroundings Malone finds himself in was done beautifully.

The Island of Dr. Moreau, H. G. Wells

5/5 stars. This one wasn't actually a library book, I found it by chance while I was visiting the local second-hand bookstore for a copy of any books that I wanted to read but weren't at the library. It must have been calling to me from where it sat on its shelf by the front desk, because now it's one of my favourites. If you know me then you know that I love, LOVE evil doctors who do unethical experiments, so of course I was instantly captivated by Dr. Moreau himself who was shunned by society for his own experiments, and continued to do them on an island away from society's eyes. The creatures on the island were written terrifyingly. Loved it - the tension of the protagonist exploring the island at night, even in the day, and of course I loved the doctor. Hurrah for evil doctors!

Carmilla, Sheridan Le Fanu

4/5 stars. This was the first proper vampire novel I have ever read in my life, and I'm glad for it. There was a certain eeriness to it, and though I could already guess the identity of the vampire and make out what was going on, it didn't diminish that eerie quality. I never thought a vampire novel could have that effect on me! I have to wonder what the first readers back in 1872 thought of it if this is how I felt despite all the pop culture surrounding vampires here in 2024. Also, the very reason I decided to read this: the Sapphic undertones in every interaction between Laura and Carmilla. *Chef's kiss*. It's not explicitly lesbian but it's definitely worth a mention. I suppose my one complaint would be how, many, commas, there were, in each sentence, but I got used to it.

Seducing the Sedgwicks Series, Cat Sebastian

4.5/5 stars. Again so thankful to my library for stocking a variety of LGBT books, from tragic types like Dancer from the Dance to comfiness like these. I still haven't read the third one, but I intend to and am excited to because the first two were so good! So far the second book is my favourite of this series, the main characters just being a perfect mesh for each other. I always thought those Victorian romances with their silly covers were silly, but I guess if it's gay I actually like them. (Or lesbian, in fact I ended up buying Cat's A Little Light Mischief because of how I enjoyed reading her work in this series.)

The Jasmine Throne, Tasha Suri

4/5 stars. This was the first lesbian novel I have ever read, thanks library! I have to admit that at the start I thought I might not enjoy it after all, but the world was interesting and I really wanted to see how things would go between the girls Malini and Priya, so I kept reading and ended up liking it more than I thought. I was really disappointed seeing my library didn't have the next two books - until not too long ago! My library has now acquired them and I feel very lucky and thankful.

Other books I read, loved, and recommend:

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov (beautifully written, bought and started reading last year, finished this year)

The Captive Prince series by C. S. Pacat (SO fun)

Maurice by E. M. Forster

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

Animal Farm by George Orwell (it's always relevant, isn't it? When Snowball was being blamed for everything that went wrong on the farm, it sounded eerily similar...)

Night by Elie Wiesel (should be read by everyone)

The year isn't over so I might yet finish a few more books, I have Annie on My Mind and Late Bloomer sitting on my bedside drawers. I hope I can continue reading next year though I might be busy since I'll be starting study. Either way I feel a bit proud of myself for being able to read so much for the first time in ages, all thanks to my library. I'm blessed that New Zealand can't be half-bothered 'cracking down' on LGBT books in the libraries, so that I and everyone else can have free access to these books. Of course, I could pirate when I'm out of money, but where's the fun in that? I love holding the books in my hands and smelling their pages like some kind of freak.

#books #book recommendations #library #lgbt books #reading recommendations #classic books

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lunaekalenda · 4 years ago

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sooo... can i request headcanons for papa!eren and papa!armin (separately), please?? like,, their reaction when their s/o told em she was pregnant, how were they through the pregnancy, reaction when they heard the baby's heartbeat, when they discovered that the baby was a girl, her birth, first months of the baby, first steps, first word, until she's a toddler😅 sorry if it's too much, i tried to be as specific as possible, u can also post each character in different posts if you want or feel better this way and post them at your own time♡ thanks in advance

omg here you go <3 i hope you like it !! <3 i divided them on two posts, armin here !

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papa!eren x fembodied!reader

mentions of pregnancy and all it has, husband mentions

eren:

- his expression was priceless when he discovered about the pregnancy.

- he wasn't expecting it, and he got really excited with the notice. he even kneeled near your belly, taking the shirt up.

- "are you sure here is a baby?" he says, his eyes looking at the plain belly.

- "of course, eren." you laugh. “it’s too soon to notice it.”

- eren hugged you, his cheek against your belly, your hands on his hair. he promised to take -even more- care of you and your baby.

- the first weeks were kinda troubled.

- you felt nauseas with literally anything and eren tried to avoid strong smells in home, such as cigarettes or cooked meat.

- you didn’t eat that much, and all that entered your stomach was automatically delivered outside again.

- he insisted in making all the household tasks, he doesn’t want you to move a finger.

- he cooks, he cleans, he prepares your bath and he helps you to get dressed and undressed.

- as time passes, your belly becomes bigger. it is kinda complicated for you to do common things, such as lace your sneakers, wake up from bed in the morning or sit on the car.

- eren accompanies you to every single medical revision.

- the first time you two heard his heartbeat, eren couldn’t take the tears away, knowing that his little treasure inside you sounds alive and safe.

- he took your hand between his and cried for some minutes, his hands on his forehead, covering his wet face.

- also, he discovered your little baby’s gender on a party you planned for him. he wanted to know it, but you wanted to surprise him.

- he was confused, all those people on his living room that early on a saturday, but he quickly new after remembering how much time you passed watching gender reveal parties on tik tok.

- mikasa exploded the balloon that had pink glitter inside, meaning it was a girl!

- he was so happy, that night he only had words for his little baby and kisses for her mom.

- “you and mommy are my girls. once you arrive here, i won’t let go your hand, i’ll be by your side.” he said, slowly falling asleep with his hand hugging your belly.

- the day of her birth he was so nervous, waiting on the waiting room, the minutes passing slower than ever.

- the moment he could visit you, he entered as fast as possible on your room.

- there you were, your arms holding a little girl, her breathing calm and serene, your eyes full of tears when your husband’s hand reached the little one.

- the love his eyes projected towards her, how her little fingers wrapped around his father’s index made him fell in love with his family again.

- he checks four times his daughter’s bag before leaving, making sure there’s all the necessary things for her.

- also makes sure you’re comfortable after the birth, buys you a special cushion for your stitches.

- he talks to his baby even when she doesn’t understand him, always showing her everything she can see from his dad’s tall body.

- “look, that’s a baby bird, how little, hm? then they fly, really high and they meet another birds...”

- see your husband explaining to your daughter how birds migrate is kinda funny knowing she’s only a month old.

- he was kinda upset when her first word was “bird” and not “dad” or “mom”

- “and are your surprised, eren?” you laugh. he talks to her about the birds that go to your garden every day.

- but, the day he was sleeping her, and she whispered “dad”, oh, goddess.

- “love, love, love, she said it! she called me dad!”

- he was so genuinely happy you couldn’t do another thing that hug your family.

- the baby’s first steps were from his father to you. she walked all the way alone, eren watching in case she fell, and gripped successfully to your legs.

- eren was so proud of her he had to told everybody how his little girl started to walk! took hundred of videos and sent them home, his mother happy because of his son’s happiness.

- your daughter quickly learned she was dad’s little girl, and he spoils her a lot.

- “eren, why did you bought this ketchup bottle? we had here...”

- “she wanted it because it had an astronaut drawn outside. if you could see how she moved her little hands to get it, baby...”

- “... eren, love, it’s a bottle of ketchup.”

- she loves to sleep on his dad’s chest, feeling his heartbeat and his arms wrapping her gently.

- you take a hundred pics of them sleeping like that, that’s your favorite wallpaper.

- eren also takes a lot of pics of you two. how you show her a flower, how you dress her for a familiar celebration, how you read to her.

- he didn’t knew that mom part of you, but he’s also in love with it.

- he only can see that you and your daughter, knowing that in front of his eyes, standing together and calling him, are the most important people he has.

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kalinara · 4 years ago

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On Aspec Identities

I’ve “joked” before that I know that it’s Pride Month, because as soon as June 1 comes around, I suddenly get to see a wonderful flood of aphobic bullshit on my dash.

Sometimes the people who reblog this shit aren’t themselves exclusionists. At least I’d like to think they aren’t, given that they’re mutuals who follow me, but out of ignorance, they join in on mocking what they don’t understand.

My block button gets a nice workout during Pride.

Anyway, since I do think (hope) that some of the people reblogging this nonsense do so because they are genuinely clueless, I’m inspired to write this post.

It’s very common, during Pride and otherwise, to see people mock the idea of aspec identities. For example, “fraysexual”, in which people only experience sexual attraction to people they don’t know very well, for example, celebrities.

It’s very common to see otherwise well-meaning people mock this idea. “I’m attracted to Chris Hemsworth! Does this mean I’m suddenly LGBTQ?!”

I don’t want to attack their reading comprehension, of course, but they’re missing something obvious in that definition: the word “only”.

If you are a woman and you are attracted to Chris Hemsworth, then you’re probably straight. Or bi. But if you’re ONLY attracted to Chris Hemsworth and NO OTHER MEN in the world...then maybe something else is going on.

Lesbians will often talk about compulsory heterosexuality and that’s a thing that asexual people experience too. Society has an expectation of allo-straightness and it’s very hard to define a negative, so it’s very common for a young person to express attraction to a fantasy, someone safely out of reach. Most of us will never meet Chris Hemsworth in real life, certainly we’ll never get invited to have sex with him, so we don’t really have to parse through whether this is something we really want to do. And well, if we’re not interested in the real life men that we know, it’s probably because they just don’t measure up.

Now, I think lesbians have one advantage in this case that asexual people don’t have. And that’s that they do feel attraction to women. It’s suppressed, and it may take a lot of time to realize it, but it’s there. And once you feel the real thing, I think that it makes it easier to see the “attraction” to Chris Hemsworth for what it is.

Most asexual people don’t have a “real thing” to put the fantasy and cultural programming into perspective. It’s very hard to define a negative, and often you end up doing that by defining everything else around out. That blank space is what’s left.

And that’s why aspec identities exist: because society has a really complicated relationship with sexuality in general. A physical sex drive can complicate matters too. Because that’s a thing that most people have. Hormones and gonads and all that. And if you think growing up with all those impulses is confusing already, try it when you don’t have a sexual orientation to direct it.

So that’s, I think, where a lot of these identities come from. Identities like fraysexual and lithsexual (sexual attraction ONLY if it’s not reciprocated) sound weird to an outside observer, until you understand that the end goal is not to have sex! The end goal is to process what we’re feeling and not feeling and define it for ourselves.

As a young person, I didn’t know I was asexual. I thought there was something wrong with me. I’d grasp at straws and think to myself that I must be straight, because I liked slash fanfiction. Because I liked erotica. Clearly I just never really had the opportunity to have sex. I have very specific trait preferences.

And then the invitation came! From someone who was objectively very attractive. He* was beautiful, a live action and real life version of the characters I’d read about, amazingly smart, great sense of humor. I’d fantasized about them for a long time before this moment. (More accurately, I should say “They” as later, they came out as non-binary. At the time though, I’d believed them to be male, just as I’d believed myself to be female. People are complicated.)

The fantasy was real! There was no better time! And....all I could feel was a resounding “NO.” I liked them a lot. But...no. No. (They took the refusal with good grace, they were really great!) The aftermath was rough on me though, because I no longer could fool myself.

I don’t consider myself lithsexual or fraysexual because in my case, the attraction wasn’t so much to the person as to the fantasy of being straight. But people come in all variations, and we can only really define ourselves.

Ultimately, aspec identities aren’t about you unless they apply to you. But for us, they can be a literal lifesaver. I spent a long time thinking I was broken. Why could I feel a sexual response when reading erotica but not want to have sex?! Obviously I can’t be asexual if I feel SOMETHING, right?

And then, and then, at the age of thirty or so, I stumbled across the concept of autochorissexuality. The idea of a disconnect between self and sexual desire. And I realized, wait. There I am. You can’t imagine the sense of relief.

THAT’s why these identities exist. It doesn’t MATTER if you understand them. It doesn’t MATTER if you think they’re valid. They’re for US, not you. And it costs exactly 0 dollars to shut the fuck up about something that has nothing to do with you.

#asexuality #aspec identities

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mego42 · 4 years ago

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good girls appreciation week 2021: day 2 // places and spaces: pwp in the paper porcupine

for places and spaces day, i’m going back in time to celebrate one of my fav show locations: the paper porcupine, specifically the back room.

if there is one thing above all else i am a truly desperate heaux for, it’s a good art room. what can i say? i spent my formative years haunting them and there’s something about a paint/ink/god knows what splattered work table that does it for me. add in a mechanical printing press? nirvana, truly.

so without further ado, allow me to rec some fics that use the space as god intended.

one thing that always stands out to me about this fic is how well it captures the snap, crackle and pop between beth and rio

it opens with them literally giving each other the silent treatment while still hanging out alone for hours on end in the paper porcupine while beth prints for weeks

yes that weeks includes the mutual stubborn silence

iajs that’s the kind of petty that really makes this ship shine

and then when they break, the nasty, bitter reckoning that spills out only serves as foreplay for a hookup that perfectly captures that half bitter antagonism, half desperation to reconnect dichotomy that characterized their s3 dynamic

in addition to a fantastic hook up, the back and forth banter and energy is really what makes this fic shine

1000000/10

fav quote:

“You’re a shit shot,” he says instead, so close now their chests are grazing with every intake of breath.

“I had a shit teacher. Kinda full of himself.”

Read on AO3

is it that i love pp back room hook ups or the post 213/rio’s return from the dead angsty tension? who can say, really

(both, both is good)

whatever it is, have another!!! this fic is specifically a take on the missing scene from the infamous 304 money-making promo i mean montage

what DID they do while they waited for the pulp to dry?????

the tone of this one leans a little more heavy than the previous rec as beth and rio grapple with the bitter weight of everything between them and how it’s made that much more complicated by how present the good parts of their history are as well, and how much they can’t/don’t want to escape either

idk guys, that juxtaposition is the specific flavor of angst i live for

i also love love love that in this one rio’s the one poking at the open wound of their relationship and i love that it’s the key to beth unlocking and airing some of her own grievances. communication! who knew!?

fav quote:

“I like watchin' you work.”

Me too. She wants to say. I like you watching me too. She wants to say. But her mouth is dry and her voice doesn't work so she‘s silent.

“I fuckin' hate that I like it.”

Read on AO3

how do i love this fic, let me count the ways (jk we’ll be here all day bc i love it a lot)

remember how i said my favorite flavor of angst is the kind that runs on a combo of bitter and poignant memory? well boy howdy does this fic nail that like whoa

while this fic is much more sprawling than just hooking up in the pp, that is both where it starts-ish AND a returned to feature including an A++++ negotiation for a new and better blender

points deducted for mention of the keyhole sweater (I KID!!!!!!!) (not about hating the keyhole sweater, it looks so itchy idk why, but about the points deduction)

basically, to cap it off, this is one of my fav rio pov fics, it does such an incredible job capturing this completely exasperated, vaguely pissed off about it, but also kind of desperately into it vibe that feels so exactly right for a later s3 era rio starting to realize how deep his feelings for beth may in fact go and losing his mind about it and i love it a lot

plus the anti-beth list of hook up criteria remains i think one of my favorite things in any brio fic ever, so

and this is all just ch 1, i’m still not ready to talk about ch 2 but just know i think about the bit in the shower a normal amount

fav quote:

No women between 5’7 and 5’10, ‘cause Elizabeth’s height fluctuates dependin’ on her shoes.

No women with doe eyes, doesn’t matter the color, ‘cause she’s all he sees when he looks into ‘em.

They can’t drink bourbon or tequila shots, and shit, it’s not even the things she likes, but the things she doesn’t, too—which means no women nursin’ a chard or a rosé, either.

If they’re got a flower printed or embroidered or embossed anywhere on their person, they’re out.

He’s left women in parkin’ lots for drivin’ vans, and said goodnight ‘cause they carry a large brown purse.

Read on AO3

like i was gonna leave the iconic brio try butt stuff fic off of the list

what i really love about this fic, aside from the fact that it’s hot af, is how well it captures the competitive aspect of beth and rio’s dynamic and how they’re always playing a game and trying to score points against each other

in this version it’s on the playful, almost, dare i say, affectionate end of the spectrum and the way it’s woven throughout gives the fic an extra spark that makes the story an absolute delight

this is also like, the peakest of peak beth, i.e. blurts out something she didn’t mean to and then not only will she gnaw her own arm off before admitting a mistake or defeat but she’s actually gonna flip this whole thing around and lean in as hard as she can and be the absolute best

i also love how rio immediately gets on her level and takes it just as seriously as she is but still finds ways to tease her, without like, teasing her (this makes sense shut up)

what i’m trying to say is the characterization is flawless throughout and captures all of the best things about them and their dynamic perfectly and i love it thank you and goodnight

fav quote:

It’s playful, more of a game than anything else. It’s just that he tends to be a bit more agreeable when she’s sucking him, just a bit more willing to be persuaded when he’s inside her. Usually, she’s asking for something small, like a new blender or a larger supply of singles, something she knows he won’t say no to. Beth has fun with it, daydreaming up some pretext or another while she’s printing. It’s easier this way, to pretend that what they’re doing is nothing more than a transaction.

To pretend it really is just business.

And if he lingers when they’re done—to kiss her and hold her and laugh with her—well, it means nothing if she doesn’t think about it.

Read on AO3

#i don't want to hear it about the bullets megan i told you sometimes my brain doesn't do narrative #ggaw2021 #nbc good girls #good girls nbc #beth x rio #brio fic #fic recs #my edit #i guess #i am not saying i themed this entire day's content around wanting to make a cute banner with banging porcupines #but i'm also not not saying it #i think i'm very funny and that's what matters

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tundrainafrica · 4 years ago

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[Part 1] Hi Sav! What are ur thoughts on Kamiya's (Levi's VA) words regarding Levi? Here are two translations I found on twitter. Since you know Japanese I think you're the perfect person to ask this from ^^ " Today at Anime Japan Kamiya Hiroshi said, “Levi hasn’t changed. The loss of Erwin is so huge that afterwards his life in a sense is like ‘yosei’.” Yosei (余生) means like, the rest of one’s life (after raising kids or retiring) where you have nothing left to do"++

Disclaimer: Please I have no intention of starting a ship war with this, I just wanna drop my own interpretation for my own Levihan stanning heart.

Note: I had no plans of watching the Japanese Seiyu panel for the last episode of Attack on Titan for many reasons and 90% of it is because Romi Paku didn’t show up and I’m still salty overall about how AOT and the narrative is treating Hange altogether and literally the only comfort I get about Hange this whole AOT season is that she looks great in all her scenes but anyway, enough about the rant. I’m still low key salty about not getting our Levihan reunion yet… But whatever.

I got all of these asks in succession and soon after I did some research on twitter to see what all the fuss was about and apparently, a lot of Eruri fans are likening Levi to a widow--- A WIDOW of all things.

And I dunno, I feel like this conclusion for one kinda cheapens Levi’s character altogether and just cheapens the bond of Levihan so I kinda realized I just cannot stand and watch some obviously Eruri-biased Japanese translations of that statement run rampant on twitter without my own take.

So anyway, I’m gonna drop my own take on this, my own interpretation as a Levihan stan.

Disclaimer: I am in no way trying to push any Levihan agenda on anyone. If you like Eruri and you wanna stick to your widow interpretation feel free too. I just feel like a pro Levihan take, and a more ‘non Eruri’ take on that statement should exist as well so I’ll just drop this here for Levihan fans to seek comfort and possibly for any casual reader or Eruri fan to get some other perspectives on this statement I guess?

This is the original Text

声の方「団長、エルヴィンを失ったことはとても大きかったと思うんですよ」

「だからそこから先ってある意味余生みたいな感じになってる気がする」

Isym先生「エルヴィンの最期を看取って役割を全うし、現在宙ぶらりんな状態」

リヴァイ本人「…俺達の役目は」「あそこで終わりだったのかもしれない…」

And if I were going to translate it word for word.

“For Levi, losing Erwin was a big thing. And everything after that became some sort of ‘retirement’ (Yosei) for him. Since he took it upon himself then to follow Erwin, right now it feels just dangling in space.”

Okay these are obviously Eruri crumbs at first glance and I recognize why exactly Eruris would celebrate over something like this because if we had a Levihan thing like this too, I’ll probably be celebrating too

But Let me offer my own interpretation of this as a Levihan stan

Yes, I recognize that for Levi losing Erwin was a big thing, but I’d like to paint some of the terms in a positive light for Levi. And the main key terms above were ‘Yosei’ and “Levi dangling in space’

So I’ll be focusing on those two:

余生 (Yosei)

余生 (Yosei) isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Yosei literally translates to ‘the remaining years of someone’s life” So it doesn't necessarily mean Levi’s a widow or Levi is lonely because Erwin’s not there anymore In fact, Yosei is used a lot from what I see, to mean, retirement years. So after you’re done with your job and you retire, your last few years playing golf, playing with grandchildren, those are your ‘yoseis’

And there are lots of takes I saw online to this Yosei thing

There was a meta in Japanese I found where they discussed the fact that Levi was approaching his twilight years. and the main reason he was facing ‘retirement’ wasn’t necessarily because Erwin was gone but because soon after Erwin died, the basement happened and it turned out there were enemies much stronger than titans out there.

The ‘Yosei’ meant, Levi retired from his role as ‘humanity’s strongest soldier’ because Levi was the ‘strongest soldier’ against titans, not against humans, the rapidly changing world and technology. I mean if we actually are objective about this, we could see the most capable survey corps member for handling the new enemy which is Marley and the Hizuru and just all the other countries and the impending war, was Hange since she is the best at navigating politics and she would be the quickest to adapt to technology.

So yes, if it’s obvious, I do not like the ‘Levi is a widow take’ AT ALL.

「エルヴィンの最期を看取って役割を全うし、現在宙ぶらりんな状態」

Since he took it upon himself then to follow Erwin, right now it feels just dangling in space.

But I’m not gonna discount the role of Erwin in Levi’s life. I think it is actually very important to understand why Levi feels like ‘he’s dangling in space.’

We all remember that last scene from ACWNR after Isabel and Farlan died and I’m sure we can all connect those last words from Erwin all the way until Levid decides to follow him to the role implied above.

Erwin was Levi’s compass. Erwin gave direction to Levi’s life and suddenly Erwin dies and at the same time the world opens up and Levi starts to realize he’s not as needed anymore and his role as humanity’s strongest is gone.

So obviously all those events at once would leave Levi in some sort of limbo right. And that’s why he gets this feeling that he has reached his ‘yosei’ years and he’s also dangling in some limbo

I can think of two more specific reasons he ends up ‘dangling.’

First reason is: Killing the beast titan, the last order Erwin gave Levi wasn’t so easy to do anymore given the political nuances, the environment and of course the fact that the world was already more complicated than killing titans. And to think that Levi makes a promise to do that right before Erwin died?

So I’m thinking the ‘dangling’ refers to Levi grappling with such complexities and nuances while trying to fulfill a goal which would have been so much easier if the basement thing didn’t happen and the world didn’t open up.

And my second reason is:

Warning: Before I go to this, I wanna warn you that this is my Levihan stan self reaching for pro-Levihan interpretations so feel free to ignore this if you don’t want crazy Levihan delusional interpretations.

Anyway, my second explanation which I like to play with and I like to keep close to me, being a Levihan fan is that Hange of all people, was the last veteran stuck to Levi and as we all know, according to Yams old interviews about Hange’s gender...

Hange’s a free soul. She’s like the balloon, the kite that just floats in space and just continues hanging, dangling and flying. And she’s the person who Levi ended up sticking to after Erwin’s death. And since he ended up with such a free sould, he didn’t necessarily find much direction again, the same way he found direction with Erwin.

Hange didn’t give a straightforward direction for Levi. But Hange provided comfort.

And I’d just like to introduce a pro-Levihan interpretation this.

So maybe ‘dangling in space’ and leaving the remaining years of his life like that isn’t such a bad thing? I mean I like to interpret this ‘retirement’ and ‘dangling’ as Levi finally being free of whatever ‘Ackerbond’ or whatever compass or order Erwin has set for him.

Because Hange went about her position as commander more as a parent to the cadets and more as a comrade to Levi than anything else. And with title of ‘humanity’s strongest soldier’ not so relevant anymore post season 3 with titans becoming a not so big threat compared to the impending war, I think the ‘yosei’ and the ‘dangling’ could be interpreted as freedom for Levi from his role as Erwin’s right hand man and freedom from the burden of being ‘humanity’s strongest.’

And the transition from having to report to Erwin to having to report to Hange, I think this can be interpreted as a breath of fresh air for Levi.

Yosei after all can be interpreted as freedom. When people retire, people are free right? They’re free to try out different things, they’re free to focus on other things. Even if people have to experience the pain of ‘loss’ when losing one position, the remnants of it, the ‘yosei’ isn’t inherently bad although it can be interpreted as that.

And the crumbs for this? I always believed that Levi generally acted freer under Hange than under Erwin. And I feel like I have created metas about this before about Hange’s leadership style: here and here

Anyway if you got this far, thanks for reading!

#levihan

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years ago

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30 FAVE BOOKMARKS of 2020

Happy New Year’s Eve-Eve, everyone!!

And welcome to the Last Fic Rec Wednesday of 2020! No one asked for this at all, but I enjoy making unprompted lists for everyone, and I’ve been doing this list since January 2020 :P

I’ve read some FANTASTIC fics this year, and now seems like a good time as any to share with y’all some of those amazing fics I’ve added to List of Love! I had to even whittle it down today to get it to 25 – the number I like as a “top xx” thing, so I am very disheartened that a lot of my bookmarks this year didn’t make the list :( It’s been a long time since I’ve done a “last XX bookmarked fics” list, maybe I’ll do one of those soon.

First off let’s start with 5 honourable mentions of Other Fandom fics, because I spent a lot of my summer indulging in my renewed Rimmster ship so I have a few amazing RD fics y’all should read LOL

FIVE OTHER-FANDOM HONOURABLE MENTIONS

Réveillon by Big_Edies_Sun_Hat (T, 6,431 w., 3 Ch. || GOOD OMENS || Christmas Eve, Angst, Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Relationship, Established Relationship, International Travel, Moments in Time, Historical / Biblical Interpretation) – After a gloomy history with Christmas, Aziraphale shows Crowley how he has learned to seek out the good in it by traveling around the world on Christmas Eve. Highlights include: the Annunciation; potholes; international teleportation; peace and hope; arson; Lupe gets a doll of her very own.

Out With It by Clipped_Ionian_Vowels (T, 10,255 w., 1 Ch. || RED DWARF || Post-Ace, Reclaimed Slurs, Getting Together, Sexuality, Coming Out) – Rimmer finally comes home, hangs up the wig and decides to set the crew 'straight' about one thing; he's not. And neither, it transpires, is Lister.

Standards by Kahvi & Roadsterguy (E, 11,725 w., 2 Ch. || RED DWARF || Hard Light Rimmer, Bickering, Humour, First Time, Over-Protective Kryten, Cranky Rimmer, Exploring Derelicts, Arguing Leads to Awkward Flirting, Showering Together, Intense Orgasms) – Yet another supply raid on a derelict leads Rimmer and Lister to an argument, which in turn leads to... something that's still fairly close to an argument. You get lonely in space, but you do have standards.

speed limits (and how to break them) by darcylindbergh (E, 13,750 w., 4 Ch. || GOOD OMENS || POV Crowley, UST/URT, Mutual Pining, Romance, First Kiss/Time, Crowley’s Anxiety, Gift Giving, Humour, Touching, Awkwardness, Love Confessions, Sussex, Fantasies Become Real, Marriage Proposal, Sensuality, Bottom Crowley) – There is a trick people do with a mint candy and a bottle of cola which results in a small eruption, and something very like it, for much higher stakes than a laugh in a car park, is about to take place in Aziraphale’s back room. Or: what happens when you finally unscrew the cap on a six thousand years of repression, and drop in Valentine’s Day.

Hand in Glove by lizardkid (T, 14,223 w., 1 Ch. || RED DWARF || Post-S9, Internalized Homophobia, Repression, Hurt/Comfort, Lister Whump, Worried Rimmer, Ableist Language, Cuddling) – Lister is mortally wounded in an accident. Rimmer is forced to reassess everything.

------------------

AND NOW: The reason y’all are here! Please know I love EVERYTHING I’ve read and bookmarked, just these ones have really stuck with me and I’ve already re-read a few of these, so yeah, please do enjoy.

Please note that these fics aren’t all necessarily NEW fics for 2020, more like they were new to ME, and ergo, I bookmarked and started reccing them this year! There are a few newer fics, though, so yeah, apologies if you were expecting only new things.

Hope you all have a good New Year’s Day, and I hope this list makes the long weekend a great one until my FIRST Fic Rec Sunday of 2021! I might do two on Sunday just to celebrate the new year, hahah. <3 Love you all!

TOP 25 JOHNLOCK BOOKMARKS OF 2020

SEE ALSO:

Top 20 Bookmarks of 2018

Top 25 Bookmarks of 2019

The Imminent Danger of a Tumblr-Night by Loveismyrevolution (T, 2,135 w., 1 Ch. || Tumblr Fics, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock is Out of His Depth, Humour, Fluff, Pining Sherlock, Military Kink, POV Sherlock) – Sherlock gets into trouble when he pretends to know all about John's favourite social media site - tumblr. To save face he seeks help from one of the bloggers and gains more answers than he had aimed for.

Living Musical by VeeTheRee (G, 4,149 w. 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Hobbies, Summer, Song Fic, POV Sherlock, Painting, Play Fighting, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Love Declarations, Hair Petting, Promise of Forever) – A one-shot of John and Sherlock being domestic during summer. There is paint, fluff, and music from Imagine Dragons, namely from the album 'Speak To Me', specific song in this one-shot is 'Living Musical'. Part 1 of the Happy Fluffy Johnlock Time series

Stranded by BeautifulFiction (T, 5,798 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Communication / Relationship Discussion, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, BAMF John, Doctor John, Case Fic, Drinking, Huddling For Warmth, Friends to More) – When stranded on a derelict barge at high tide, John and Sherlock reconsider their friendship.

Bridges by sussexbound (M, 6,602 w., 1 Ch || Post-TLD / S4 Fix It, Love Confessions, Mending Relationships, Moving Back In, Pining Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Past Abuse, Shaving) – The silence between them is deafening, interrupted only by the hum of the traffic outside, and the soft click-clunk of the plastic cups Rosie is playing with on the floor beside them. It is the first time they have been alone together, since Sherlock’s birthday. It’s only been two days, but it feels huge, important, like there is a precarious bridge stretched out before them both that they need to at least attempt to traverse.

To be loved by Strange_johnlock (E, 12,436 w., 8 Ch. || Post S3, Established Relationship, First Person POV Sherlock, Pet Names, Soft Sherlock, Mild ADHD, Protective John, Captain Watson, Body Appreciation, Bottomlock, Rough Sex, Travelling for Holidays, Introspection, Sherlock Loves John So Much It Hurts) – John is so deeply integrated into the work, both as my conductor of light, and as a great shot with a vicious right hook who tackles men -and women- no matter their size all in my defense. He protects me with all he can without question, and this loyalty is surely more than I deserve. Or: Sherlock is counting his blessings.

On The Fence by BeautifulFiction (T, 13,770 w., 1 Ch. || Fencing, Case Fic, First Kiss, Insecure John, Pining John, Hug, Greg Finds Out) – The murder of the King's College fencing champion leads to revelations about Sherlock's past. Will it be the point that tips them from friends to lovers, or will they remain on the fence?

The Invocation of Saint Margaret by Ewebie (E, 15,831 w., 1 Ch. || POV John, Crossing Timelines, Light Angst, Fluff, Series 3 John / Series 1 Sherlock, The Matchbox, Mushy Romance, First Time, Bisexual John, Pining John, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Sensuality, Emotional Love Making, Snippets of Time) – When Sherlock Holmes opens the matchbox from The Sign of Three and John finds himself years in the past, back to that first dinner at Angelo's with a much younger Sherlock Holmes. Is he dreaming?

Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier.

Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.

Out of the Woods by SilentAuror (E, 20,471 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Romance, Slow Burn, Flirting, Drunk Sex, Practical Jokes, POV Sherlock, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Pining Sherlock, Frustrated Wanking, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Bum Appreciation, Hanging out with the Yard) – Sherlock is fairly certain that John has taken to flirting with him of late, but can't be entirely certain of it. At least, not until a case takes them into a forest, along with Lestrade's team and something happens that will change everything about their lives...

Inscrutable to the Last by DiscordantWords (M, 48,842 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF, Alternate S3, John’s Blog/S3 is a Story By John, Divorce, Marital Difficulties, John is a Mess, Emotional Reunion, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Grief / Mourning, Pining John, First Kiss, Adorably Clueless Sherlock, Nostalgia, Love Confessions, Eventual Happy Ending) – He wasn't Sherlock, he couldn't work miracles. All he'd ever been able to do was write about them.

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

A Goose Quill Dipped in Venom by Polyphony (M, 52,748 w., 16 Ch. || Celebrity John AU || Alternate First Meeting, TV Host John, Supermodel Mary, Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Case Fic, First Kiss/Time, Meddling Mycroft, Drug Abuse, Doctor John, PDA, Deductions, POV Sherlock, Toplock, Sexual Tension, Angry/Rough Sex, Hopeful Ending, Asperger’s Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective, is called in to a very ordinary although brutal murder. Something is badly out of tune with the whole scenario and Sherlock finds himself becoming more and more obsessed with the crime - and also with the victim.

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (M, 57,046 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || S3/TAB Fix-It, Slow Burn Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Drugs, Pain, Medical, Injury, Sherlock Whump, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance, Secrets, Tragedy, Trauma, BAMF John, Doctor!John, Drug Addict Sherlock, Injured Sherlock, Grieving John, Idiots In Love, Protective John, POV John Watson, PTSD Sherlock, Sherlock is a Mess, Medical Realism) – An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater / Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Asexual Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Flashbacks, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Case Fic, Sherlock’s Past, Awkward Conversations, Anxious Sherlock) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU || BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

#johnlock fic recs #long post #my fic recs #fic rec wednesday #fave fics #red dwarf fic recs #good omens fic recs

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cryptidchronicles · 4 years ago

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Rest in Peace Scott Mardis, Champ Researcher

I was shocked and deeply saddened today by the tragic news of my friend Scott's death. According to his brother, Scott passed away late Wednesday night in a hospital in Bradenton, FL. after amputation of a severe infection in his leg.

He had made it through surgery okay but while still at the hospital on 7/28, Scott had become unresponsive and died of complications from the infection.

Scott Mardis had been my friend and colleague for years after we crossed paths in cryptozoological research related to water creatures, specifically with respect to lake monsters.

At Scott's encouragement over the years and through his generous mentorship, I was able to navigate through a balanced approach to anomalous lake creature investigations for my blog posts and personal research.

Scott was one of the most authentic and passionate cryptozoologists I have ever known who was absolutely devoted to his lake monster investigations more than any other researcher I know of and specifically to his endeared Champ, America’s Loch Ness Monster, who he believed lives in Lake Champlain. Even with his healthy dose of skepticism and perhaps even a measure of cynicism, he was still one of the most devoted advocates for the famous 1977 Sandra Mansi Photograph of “Champ”. Scott himself believed he saw "something" in Lake Champlain so many years ago that kicked off his lifelong research to prove to others that Champ and other lake monsters exist.

I feel like I can't come close to writing a good enough tribute to Scott but I wanted to share what I can muster up at this time so that he can be celebrated for all his contributions to a field of study that means so much to me. Every year he would quest to the lake with equipment and enthusiasm in search of Champ using updated scientific methods, tools and techniques and his vast and ever-expanding encyclopedic knowledge of the historical lake geography and Champ phenomenon in hopes of helping others become true believers like himself. His enthusiasm was absolutely transferable.

I will always be extremely grateful for the many late night conversations with Scott about water monster lore and latest science news that continued to open paths to solving the mysteries we chased. While he and I didn't always agree on everything, we had deep, friendly and enjoyable discussions about the great marine and lake creature mysteries of the world and his determination to find answers was beyond measure and he without a doubt illuminated my faith that one day we will have the remarkable evidence that proves what he dedicated his life to finding out; that there are surviving monsters of ancient times in our waters.

Scott was very respectful and thoughtful and always made time for me and answered every single question I ever had (and trust me there were so many) with respect to this field of study and would help me get my head around the science and theories I was often struggling with on my own. He was an excellent mentor and had really good theories, making excellent points about the series of anomalous, fragmentary plesiosaur (and other) fossils from past supposed extinction times of plesiosaurs at the K/Pgboundary, roughly 65 million years ago. While these anomalous fossils have generally been dismissed by the paleontology community, Scott had a solid understanding of the importance of fossil anamolies beyond plesiosaurs or basilosaurine whales and how studying them further could provide more answers and truths regaurding his beloved Champ and other water monster cryptids. Scott had done so much pioneering research that we simply cannot afford to lose. I had been in the middle of reformatting his book Night of the Living Dead Plesiosaurs and am so saddened that I did not get to finish the editing and formatting of it more quickly so he could see it reworked but I do pledge to honour his memory by finishing it and getting it to the right people so that many others can enjoy his collected research which offers so much insight and venerate him for the incredible teachings and knowledge he passed on to others. To see things from Scott's perspective was absolutely illuminating.

Though he was always ready to discuss my laughable obsession with a giant plesio-turtle, we always had something to talk about with our many common interests outside of lake monsters. Scott always had obscure book recs for me which I really appreciated and I have a whole bunch that I vow to get through sooner rather than later.

He was a good cat dad who adored his cats and was fascinated by their antics and we would talk about cat stuff and thangs whenever possible. I was always so honoured when Scott would come to me to pick my brain about cats, in the way I would go to him to pick his brain about water monsters. He was very supportive of my work with rescuing and caring for special needs cats. I hope that his own rescued cats will be well-cared for by his family because they did mean so much to him as well. We would chat about The Walking Dead and so many other similiar interests like classic rock and terrible horror movies. Scott was awesome and I am so sad that I didn't get to spend more time with him and meet him on the water like we had planned.

Dear Scott, thank you for your kindness, your contributions and your guidance and though you will be greatly missed, I hope wherever you are that you have the answers you were so dedicated to finding out. It was a true honour to know you. Goodbye, my friend. Rest in Peace Scott Mardis December 28, 1963-July 28, 2021 My condolences to his wife and family for their loss. He will be missed by so many.

#champ researcher #lake champlain #lake monsters #scott mardis

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gaylorlyrics · 4 years ago

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Cowboy Like Me

Howdy partner! this song is clearly a reference to Taylors roots in country music - but it goes deeper than that. It’s about Karlie, and how both girls have built their careers off of selling the idea of love, karlie through modeling and Taylor through songwriting. Both are super ambitious and focused, playing the game and driving their careers forward, but have rags (ok - not rags, but upper middle class normalcy) to riches stories, which makes them feel like the don’t quite belong in the celeb world.

And the tennis court was covered up

Several people have noticed that this could be a reference to Tennis Court by Lorde. The last time Kaylor was seen together was the below pic at Lorde’s bday. Reading the lyrics to Tennis Court, it almost seems like the same setting as CBM. Lorde’s song explores the dark side of fame, talking about not fitting in and being surrounded by superficial fame. She says “let’s go down to the tennis courts to talk it out” and then we have CBLM that starts in the middle of a sentence with “and”, and takes place at the tennis court, where the cowboys are trying to impress the rich folks, almost as if the songs are sequential.

With some tent-like thing

Here we’re already getting the theme of not belonging somewhere. Taylor doesn’t say canopy - which is what she is referring to and actually would fit both in terms of syllables and rhyme scheme - she says “tent-like thing” which is both dismissive of her surroundings and tells us that maybe she doesn’t quite know the right word for them.

And you asked me to dance

Let’s just take a moment to remember that 1) Karlie is a dancer and 2) kaylor started at vsfs2013 where they danced on stage together like this:

dancer karlie!

But I said, "Dancing is a dangerous game"

This references DWOHT - which is the ultimate Kaylor song and is all about dancing even though its dangerous, like in the lyrics “can we dance through an avalanche?”, “Swaying as the room burned down”, etc.

Oh, I thought This is gonna be one of those things

There’s a song called Just One Of Those Things by Nat Porter that you can listen to here, and it seems like Tay is referencing it here. The song lists great loves (ex. Romeo & Juliet) being cast aside and belittled as “one of those things”. This reminds me of people saying that being gay is a “phase” in order to devalue it. Specifically one line in Just One Of Those Things really makes me think about Kaylor - “If we'd thought a bit, of the end of it When we started painting the town We'd have been aware that our love affair Was too hot, not to cool down”. It expresses how they were so loud while glass closeting and had so much chemistry that they couldn't just tone it down they had to go completely dark in order to keep closeting.

Now I know I'm never gonna love again

In many ways this references the theme of “right where you left me”, Taylor can’t move on because she fell too hard for Karlie and no love will ever compare.

I've got some tricks up my sleeve Takes one to know one You're a cowboy like me

Taylor sees a lot of herself in Karlie. They know how to play the same games in terms of their careers and bearding, but because of this they understand each others vulnerabilities, etc.

Never wanted love Just a fancy car

They weren’t looking for love when they met, they were both just in the place they were because they were trying to advance their careers. However, as Tay has talked about before, the lure or riches and fancy cars isn’t enough to satisfy her. It also references this line in King Of My Heart, where Tay literally says that all the boys aren’t as good as her lover (Karlie) is.

Now I'm waiting by the phone Like I'm sitting in an airport bar You had some tricks up your sleeve Takes one to know one

You're a cowboy like me

also:

Perched in the dark Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear Like it could be love I could be the way forward Only if they pay for it

Both Karlie and Taylor have built their careers off of selling the idea of love - Taylor through her music and Karlie through her modeling, especially with Victoria’s Secret. Both of them are capitalizing and cashing in on romance. They play the game of love to be valuable to the record labels, fashion brands, and industry overall, getting the “rich people” in the industry to invest in them and their careers. However, both are caught off guard when they encounter the real thing and actually fall in love.

You're a bandit like me Eyes full of stars

Taylor talks about eyes a lot, but I think this has two meanings. 1 - both of their eyes are full of stars because they are surrounded by other celebs and so they are literally seeing stars all the time. 2 - the more conventional meaning would be that their eyes are bright and beautiful.

It also references two songs that are very much about Karlie: “Starry eyes sparkin’ up my darkest night” in Call It What You Want, and “The stars in your eyes shined brighter in Tupelo” in Dorothea.

Hustling for the good life

Again, Taylor brings attention to the fact that they are both really career focused and trying really hard to be as successful as possible. They don’t have the same type of fallbacks that celebs with famous parents and old money have.

Never thought I'd meet you here It could be love We could be the way forward And I know I'll pay for it

Here Taylor knows that she’ll pay for her relationship with karlie in two ways, 1- she’s paying for it in that by falling in love and pursuing a relationship she’s on the “treacherous” road making her life much more complicated given that she’s choosing not to come out, 2- she is literally paying for beards so she can have a public muse for her relationship songs.

[Chorus]

And the skeletons in both our closets

Plotted hard to fuck this up

Here Tay is talking about closets again. This actually makes me think of two meanings.

1- it makes me think of the “skin and bones” line in treacherous (maybe because I was just talking about that song) and how tay has used that type of language to talk about her and her lover in the past. The skeletons in the closet could be a reference to the past karlie and Taylor being in the closet, when they were both really thin and Taylor was battling her eating disorder. In the past they were plotting so hard to cover their tracks and stay in the closet, which eventually messed everything up for them.

2 - The more obvious interpretation is that the skeletons in the closet are the people who were controlling their careers, who they have now moved away from, like SB2. These people messed things up by keeping them in the closet.

And the old men that I've swindled

Both karlie and tay have had careers that were mostly controlled by men who are older than them - VS CMO Ed razek, SB2, etc. These men thought that they were controlling kaylors careers, but kaylor is individually profiting as well.

Really did believe I was the one

This references The One, the first track on folklore.

And the ladies lunching have their stories about When you passed through town

Karlie has quite the rep for making people fall in love with her quite easily (see the klossanova video that @theprologues made here).

But that was all before I locked it down

Love locked down! for more details check out this post and this one, but basically Karlie posted and image with the caption “love locked down” on March 6, 2016, on the same day Taylor posted “one year down” with the picture of a locket. This was one year after their Vogue cover came out in March 2015. Because of this, it seems like they were celebrating their anniversary some sort. Hence the line “I locked it down”.

Now you hang from my lips Like the Gardens of Babylon

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon is one of the 7 ancient wonders of the world, known as very beautiful and an incredible feat in engineering (beauty + engineering are both things that describe karlie!). However, archeologists are unable to find proof of their location - therefore it’s unclear if the gardens “were an actual construction or a poetic creation”.

With your boots beneath my bed

This is a metaphor for sleeping together and is also referencing cowboy boots.

Forever is the sweetest con

It’s impossible to be with each other forever - when we say forever we know that we will actually be separated by mortality and factors we can’t control. However, Taylor is okay being “conned” with ideas of forever, because it’s understood that they will be with each other as long as possible.

And yet, this also references Hoax - it’s a different way of saying “your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in”. Leaving us wondering if the love was real or a con.

[Chorus]

#cowboy like me #taylor swift #Karlie Kloss #kaylor #evermore

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photiniainsummer · 4 years ago

Text

Something Worth Celebrating

Rating: General Audiences (basically GenFic)

Summary: Dark admits he sort of, kind of has a birthday. And then he sort of, kind of asks you to throw him a party.

I know. Pinch me, I must be dreaming.

(Basically a purely indulgent fic where Dark gets to be happy for 0.2 seconds. Yes, it's late, please forgive me, Mr. Darkiplier sir.)

(second person POV, gender neutral reader)

Word Count: 4906

Author’s Note: No warnings. Honestly just tooth-rotting tenderness. This is a super-late birthday 'present' for our favorite spooky ego that I just couldn't get out of my head. Also posted to AO3!

The thought strikes you in the midst of your weekly scan of Mark’s content. While Dark makes sure to check his uploads and social media presence moment-to-moment, you often join his weekly wrap-up review sessions as a second, fresh set of eyes. It’s usually a silent and uneventful affair, with Dark sitting at his desk and you to one side of it, both focused on the week’s batch of content as it projects on the opposite wall. Hooking up the projector was easier than hunching over Dark’s laptop, the two of you bunched together around the screen, and it usually meant you could catch and examine any irregularities with greater accuracy. Not that there had been any for months. Mark’s content has become suspiciously unsuspicious, with no odd shot changes in the middle of playthroughs, no sideways comments in food reviews… and so your mind has started wandering during your viewings.

It’s not that his content is boring. But it’s hard to enjoy Mark’s lighthearted commentary, really, knowing the man for what he is: a manipulative, body-snatching, undead creature bent on conquering the hearts and minds of the world. That kind of imposing terror makes it hard to kick back and enjoy him goofing through a new horror game.

And, yet, despite that same terror, it’s difficult to stay fully focused on the task at hand. Maybe it’s the lack of weirdness lulling you into being unobservant - maybe that’s Mark’s goal. Regardless, he makes a jokey comment, surprised by a new onslaught of enemies so soon after receiving a new weapon - “What, is it my birthday?” - and though he proceeds to casually mow down a fresh flood of zombies, your mind is nowhere near his running monologue. No, you’re off on a tangent of wonderings - When exactly is his birthday, anyway? Is it soon? Do the egos share his, or do they have their own, if they know it? When would they celebrate it, anyway? Did Mark build in birthdays for them when he summoned them up, or was it whatever day they were formed from some strange, shadowy process you still don’t know the specifics of? It’s a strange and vaguely sad thing to ponder, your mouth turning down at the corners as you roll it around in your mind. To your side, Dark sighs softly, reaching out to pause the current video. Mark’s face freezes in an unflattering expression, and you turn to look at the entity.

“What, think of something?”

“No,” he demurs, scrubbing the video back. “But you are distracted. What do you last remember?” He doesn’t sound annoyed, which is a little surprising. Where a few months ago he would have bitten off a sharp comment about your wandering attention, he just gives you a mild look when you don’t immediately respond, hands hovering at his computer. It speaks to how routine this has become for you both, how each of you has grown accustomed to the other - the ringing of his aura barely registers for you now, although you were certain when you arrived that investing in a lifetime supply of ibuprofen was a basic requirement for working in close proximity to Dark for any extended period of time.

That’s when the thought strikes you - you meandering thoughts crystallizing around his presence, centering on him. You have to wonder how much of your thought process Dark actually heard, if your idle thoughts are loud enough for him to pick up. But seeing as he’s not making any attempt to immediately answer, nor chide you for thinking about such unimportant things, the thought, as a question, easily tumbles out between you.

“Do you have a birthday?”

He immediately furrows his brow, blinking in surprise. “What?”

“I said, do you have a birthday?” you repeat, committing to this line of questioning. You go so far as to turn slightly in your chair to look at him better, attention fully directed at him. Dark sighs and turns back to the computer, picking a spot in the video a couple of minutes ago, certainly farther back than necessary.

“I heard what you said,” he clarifies. “I am attempting to understand what could have possibly brought that up.”

“He said something about his birthday. It just got me thinking, that’s all.” Dark pauses, squinting his eyes ever so slightly at the screen. His cursor hovers over the playback bar, obviously considering his next move. You pause with him, then a smile tugs at your mouth. “You missed that, didn’t you.”

“I did not. It was merely an inane comment, so I did not take note of it.” He’s a little too indignant, too quick with that response, and it makes you laugh. He shoots you a patented glare, although it carries very little true malice. “When did he say that.”

“A couple minutes forward, it’s right after he gets that new gun.” Dark hums in response, clearly still miffed at having been successfully teased, but in a good-natured sort of way. You watch him scrub for the right spot, lulling back into a comfortable silence for a few moments before you remember what brought all this up and press on. “So, do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Don’t be obtuse, come on. Do you have a birthday?”

“They had birthdays,” he remarks. You recall them, or, at least, a picture of them, the only one you’ve seen that isn’t a staged portrait. You like it better than the stiff, properly posed photographs Dark hesitantly showed you once, when he had finally explained his origins to you. In the one you preferred to remember, a well-dressed woman and man hug each other close as they smile warmly into the camera. It’s some holiday, or just an excuse to get together - there are garlands blurred in the background - and the woman is holding a fancy-looking drink in the hand that isn’t wrapped around behind her brother, tugging him into frame. He looks a bit put-upon, smiling almost embarrassedly as if the woman has cajoled him in front of the cameraperson into taking a picture with her. But his expression, for all it implies, is still warm. His body curls close to his sister, his hold on her obviously affectionate. The woman is beaming like she’s won, squeezing her brother close as her cheeks apple, her painted lips curled in such pride. Her eyes dance, catching the light of the camera’s flash. They look comfortable, happy, beautiful. Full of life. The woman’s smile had pulled one out of you, when you saw it.

Dark’s explanation of how he had come to be makes the memory all the sadder, the melancholia curling around your throat even as you remember it now.

“I, on the other hand, was not born,” he explains, and for a moment you begin to regret bringing it up. But the shadow-bathed man doesn’t seem bothered, his tone matter-of-fact, simple. You know it pains him still, you saw the look on his face as he described how he had come to be, how his aura had raged around him like he was going to pull apart. How their faces had appeared in agonized red and blue flashes behind him - now that you knew what you were looking for, you could see them as themselves, not just as Dark.

Which makes the fact he can say something that directly referential without threatening to rip through existence sort of comforting. Is he just comfortable with you, now, knowing that you know? Whatever it is, you decide it’s a good thing, and settle back in your chair. “Well, sure, not as such, but… do you celebrate theirs?” you ask, as gently as you can.

“I do not.” Dark finds the proper place in the video, advancing to it.

“So you don’t celebrate you… coming into being, on any particular day?”

“I do not.” You squint slightly.

“You don’t,” you repeat. Dark sighs once more, bringing a hand to his brow in the way he does when Wilford is being particularly taxing.

“No. I do not. But the… fans. Do.” It’s an answer given through gritted teeth - the man finds the celebration of him and his many appearances in Mark’s work frustrating, to put it simply. Of course, he’s completely committed to his role as the villain the actor dreamed of, and won’t lie and say he doesn’t find it utterly amusing how Mark’s own fans seem to like him more than the actor himself. But all that is tinged with the truth of his conscription into this role, the indignity of being painted as the wicked mirror image of the man who took everything from him. It is particularly insulting, particularly painful. So to have some false version of him celebrated and adored, is…

Well, to use his words: Disgusting.

You would go for complicated, instead. It does feels strange to have them celebrate a fictionalized version of the entity next to you, given the reality of the situation, but it’s not like you can fault them for what they don’t know. They’re caught up in Mark’s game - it isn’t their fault. Still, you aren’t really surprised they found a whole day to put aside for the man.

“What day did they pick?”

“Hm?” Dark seems caught up in some internal brooding, set off by the memories of the fanart he’s seen. You prod again.

“What day is it? That they made your ‘birthday’?”

He pauses a moment, considering. You can tell he knows, he’s just debating whether or not to tell you. Whether or not this will have unintended consequences. “June 19th. It was the first time Mark posted something… strange enough to be counted as my first ‘appearance.’ So it is my birthday, by their reckoning.” He pauses again. “I suppose it is as good a day as any. Although I do not understand it - why would someone want to celebrate my existence?”

His tone takes this bitter, harsh edge, and you instinctively want to cringe against it. But you also know how Dark hates you trying to be delicate with him. It’s better to be honest, to know his reactions are not for you, but for his situation. For Mark. So you suppress the desire to turn away from it, instead reaching across the bit of desk between you to touch his arm. He doesn’t react, apart from flicking his eyes to rest on your hand. Touching him like this, yours fades to take on the same black-and-white cast as his own.

“For what it’s worth, I’d want to celebrate it. I’m glad you’re here.” You squeeze him very gently, as if trying to impress that more fully into his mind. “And… they don’t really know you, but, I mean. I think they’d like you even more, want to celebrate you more, if they did.”

Dark is silent, gaze falling to a whorl of wood in his polished desk as he considers your words. He doesn’t immediately reply and you take your hand away, not wanting to be overly touchy-feely about the whole thing. Or, at least, you don’t want to be if that’s not what Dark wants. You’d be the first to console him, if you could, but it’s hard to get a read on what might help the man most. He lives in his head, unaccustomed to sharing much with the other egos, let alone someone who hasn’t directly been through what they have. Your position on the outside imposes a distance that even having worked so closely with him for so long hasn’t yet bridged. Still, you leave that door open for him whenever you gracefully can, whenever it doesn’t feel like you’re opening it to force him through.

You try show him he can walk through whenever he likes. If he likes.

The man shifts slightly, reaching out to adjust a small pile of papers. He puts them to rights, even though they’re already perfectly in line with each other. When he finally speaks, his voice is almost covered by its own deep echo.

“If I am honest, I meant more… why would they celebrate the man they see, the ‘Darkiplier’ in his works? He is not a good man, by any means. He tells the truth, Mark’s confidence in himself sees to that. But they do not know it. He seems to seek to trap the audience through lies, manipulation… I simply do not understand the appeal.” You feel a little caught out, wondering if you jumped a bit too eagerly on his statement as a chance to comfort him. “However…”

He stops, realizing he’s run out of papers to arrange, things to fidget with. Folding his colorless hands in front of him, he finally and intentionally turns to look your way. It’s a slow, steady motion, heavy with purpose. When you meet his intensely contrasted eyes, they fall gently on you. His expression is open, almost bare. Devoid of any bitterness, frustration - his usual armor.

“...it is incredibly kind of you to say that. About me. I. I sincerely appreciate it.”

The hesitancy in his voice, yet how honestly he continues on, intent on telling you this… It’s enough to break your heart. You give him a tender smile.

“You’re not exactly that man in those videos, Dark. Not the way he has you play it, know you well enough to tell that… But even if you were, you have reason enough for it, I’d wager.”

That gets you a wry smile from the man. “Enough reason to pull ourselves back from the dead?”

You laugh, softly. “Yeah, something like that.” At your mirth, the lines of his body begin to relax, and he eases back into his seat somewhat. It’s a rare sight, Dark letting himself relax, be still for a moment. Even his aura, ever-roiling, merely seems to ebb and flow around him in gentle pulses. His mouth stays gently turned up as he looks at nothing in particular, gaze easy on some middle distance. You can tell he’s thinking, even at minor peace like this, but has no real intention to speak again. Sensing the Big Heart-To-Heart Moment™ has passed, you sigh and look back over your sparse notes. “Should we get back to it, though? I totally derailed us.”

Dark pauses a bit longer in the moment before he idly waves a hand and reaches out to close the lid of his computer. “There is nothing interesting this week, really. I think we can call it there, unless you are especially invested in head-exploding physics.” You pull a face.

“Not particularly. I can finish going over it later, anyway. Just in case.” You stretch and twist in your chair with a sigh. “Think I’ll make some coffee - can I get you a cup?”

“Are you going to use the cafetiere?”

“No, I thought the Mr. Coffee would be better. Really gets it nice and watery, just like you like.” Dark scrunches up his nose in the most totally undignified way, and god that makes you belly-laugh, bending slightly over the desk to support yourself. It breaks him, getting a real smile to curl over his face. He can be such a goofball, when he wants to be. “Of course I was gonna use the cafetiere. Who do you take me for?”

“I have to check, I have had many a disappointing cup after agreeing too eagerly. But yes, I will take one, if it isn’t too much trouble.”

“None at all,” you hum, coming down from your laughing fit. You make your way out of his office but before you can turn the corner, Dark calls your name, stopping you in the doorway. You look back to him, and he seems… at ease. His hands are folded across his middle, he’s resting back in his desk chair. The ghost of a smile is still on his face. You try to bottle that moment, preserve it mentally. “Yeah?”

“Thank you. Again. And…” He hesitates for a beat, making some decision. “If you or the others would like to do something. On the day. My… sort-of birthday… I would not be opposed.”

You force your jaw to stay in place and not hit the floor. Wilford will go ballistic. You don’t know if the mustachioed ego will be able to handle the thought of throwing Dark a real birthday party - he might just explode in a haze of confetti and glitter stars. Blinking, you right yourself, finding your head nodding before you even know what it’s doing.

“I. Y-Yeah! Sure, we. We could definitely do that. Do… something.” Dark just smiles a little more fully, exhaling a laugh. “I’ll. I’ll talk to them about it.”

Holy shit.

“Wonderful. It will be nice to have a reason to have a proper party. Something to celebrate. Don’t you think?” You’re nodding again, agreeing wholeheartedly, but dazedly, too. You don’t realize you’re just standing there sort of staring until Dark tilts his head thoughtfully to one side. “Is… coffee still happening?”

“Huh?” You remember. “Oh. Oh! Shi- I mean, shoot. I mean. Yes. Yeah. I. Coffee, yes. I’m… gonna do that.”

As you beat a hasty and red-faced retreat to the kitchen, bursting with ideas, you can just make out the man giving the faintest, echoing chuckle.

---

You don’t think you’ve ever felt such pure excitement in the Manor before. The air is practically buzzing with pure, unbridled energy as you approach Dark’s office door. Downstairs, you can hear the egos making final preparations underneath Wilford’s speaking in an overly dramatic tone, giving some kind of grand speech. Likely a rallying of the troops into being on their best behavior for their de facto leader. You can’t help a smile and a shake of your head - maybe he’d take his own advice tonight.

Either way, everything is ready, so you rap on the birthday boy’s outer office door. He’d graciously locked himself away after retrieving his morning coffee so you would all have the space to prepare. Of course, he hadn’t escaped early-morning birthday wishes from you and the Host, nor a fresh-cut bouquet of flowers you two had collected for him. You’d even carried them up to his office for him, just so he wouldn’t have to touch them himself and risk draining their color. The memory of how sort of bashful he’d looked, the you really shouldn’t have energy that had rolled off him as he directed you to set them on his desk - it makes you grin in anticipation for this evening as he calls for you to enter, now.

He’s sitting by the fireplace, apparently killing time with a book which he looks up from as you enter. An inquiring look pulls his brow. “All prepared?”

“Oh yes. Your party awaits you, sir.” Dark huffs a laugh and rises, setting his book aside. He’s dressed a bit differently, still in slacks and a tie but with the addition of a waistcoat closely fit over his dress shirt, which is slightly rolled up over his forearms. Then he begins to fix them, going for his jacket, and you have to interject. “Are you really going to wear a full suit to your party?”

Dark stops, looking confused. And a little concerned. “I. Was intending to, yes.”

Oops. “I mean, you always wear a suit,” you chide as gently as you can. “They look nice, but the whole point is celebrating, relaxing a little? Besides, you look nice just like that.” Dark pauses, casting a look over himself. He absently adjusts his waistcoat, and you notice a thin chain connected to one of the buttons loops into one pocket. Has he always had a pocket watch?

“You are certain it is not too… casual.” He almost sounds worried, the poor thing. You give him a reassuring smile as you approach, picking up his jacket and folding it with care before hanging it over your arm.

“I’ll bring it down, but I think you’ll be more comfortable like that. Though you aren’t totally dressed, yet.” The man gives you an utterly baffled look, and you grin in response, bringing out a brightly colored party hat. His look sours immediately.

“Absolutely not.”

“Oh, come on.”

“No. I am already being made to go down undressed, I will not go with bells on.”

Sometimes you forget he’s just a grumpy grandpa. You pull out the big guns. “Well… we’re all wearing them,” you hum, your own firmly in place. “Besides, Wilford insisted. And he’s the Decoration Czar. Self-proclaimed, but he rules with an iron fist.” Dark makes a valiant effort to hold onto his resolve, but it weakens in the face of you invoking the mustachioed man. With a soft, amorphous grumble, he pulls the elastic band of the hat under his chin.

Now that you understand a little more about how Dark and Wilford had come to be, their bond makes a lot more sense, even for all Dark’s frustrated looks shot the more light-hearted man’s way in the midst of meetings. Even before you knew the depth of their bond, Dark had always seemed surprisingly willing to go along with Wilford’s more doable requests, less inclined to irritatedly snip at him for his foolishness. As Dark adjusts his party hat in a nearby mirror (making sure his well-coiffed hair isn’t too disturbed by his headwear), you’re glad that, although Wilford may not fully be aware of it, the two of them have each other.

He drops his hands with a sigh. “I look ridiculous.” He’s positioned the cone-shaped hat directly pointing up in the middle of his head, and. Well. It looks way too proper, but very Dark all at once. You chuckle, coming close to help.

“You should see the den. It’s a wreck,” you tease, reaching for his hat, giving the man enough time to wave you off. But he doesn’t, just watching you in the mirror as you adjust it (careful of his curls) to a more jaunty angle. His aura has already absorbed the color from it, but it looks party-appropriate. More importantly, Dark seems a bit more at ease as he gets used to how it looks. You wonder if he’s ever worn a party hat in his life. “There, much better.”

“Hm. Then I suppose I am ready.”

“As you’ll ever be. C’mon, they’re all waiting.” When he turns from the mirror, you playfully offer him your arm. You think you’ll get an eyeroll, a dismissive but amused huff at best. You aren’t anticipating him looping his arm in yours and giving you this little smile that warms his eyes and has you pulling up short. He chuckles somewhat at your reaction, your lack of movement.

“I thought I was being escorted.”

“Uh. You. You are, oh, you definitely are, hold on to your socks, you’re about to experience the best escorting of your life.” Dark’s free hand comes up to help suppress the grin that threatens to split his face as you lead him from the office and down to the almost overwhelmingly decorated den. While the room is comfortably illuminated by a variety of the Manor’s most colorful lamps, the light is somewhat low and catches on the sparkling garlands heavily draped on the walls. Matching balloons bob at varying intervals and a rousing cheer goes up as you and Dark enter, a flood of grins turning your way. Music cuts on - something upbeat and jazzy - and the flock of egos quickly descends on the object of celebration, Wilford leading the charge and pressing a drink into the man’s hand after a massive bear hug. You release Dark’s arm to let the crowd of other egos at him, covering him in birthday wishes and affectionate pats on the back (their boldness inspired by Wilford, no doubt), before eagerly showing off all their preparations.

While Yancy explains the variety of possible games he’s worked up, getting a horribly wry grin out of the shadowy man at his creation of ‘pin the cravat on the Actor,’ you step back a bit to make sure Dark’s suit jacket is safely out of the way of the night’s oncoming revelry. Clearly, he’s already forgotten it, much to your pleasure. The bar is lined up with a few drink options, pre-made cocktails and bottles of wine opened to breathe, a number of elegantly arranged finger foods courtesy of resident chef Google Alpha. Carefully, you tuck Dark’s jacket under the bar in an empty shelf and before scooping up a drink of your own and tossing yourself back into the fray.

It goes a lot more smoothly than you had anticipated - everyone quickly falls into comfortable conversation, dipping into the snacks and games when it lulls. Wilford manages to keep his pants on despite threatening to provide a different kind of ‘entertainment’ at one point (and in spite of encouraging whistles from Bing and the Jims, who are quick to shove a camera in Wil’s direction). Further, Dark survives having ‘Happy Birthday’ sung to him, even blowing out the single candle in the middle of the complicated-looking tiramisu Alpha crafted.

It’s a rousing success, by all measures.

By the time you finally get a chance to sidle back up to Dark, the easy hum of the party has kicked up to a bit more of an excitable buzz as the jazz records have turned more and more swinging. Yandere and Illinois clearly know what they’re doing, beating a quick step around the open dance floor and grinning like bandits as Yancy does his best to help poor Eric get over the hurdle of not staring at your feet when you dance. The Manor feels more full than it usually does, with all of you crowded in the one room together, and you can see the warm, pure energy of it all is having a similar effect on Dark as it is on you - you don’t think you’ve ever seen him smile so much, small as they are.

Another thought hits you, even better than the one that prompted this whole affair. Grinning, you quickly gesture over the nearest Google. With the music like it is, it’s hard to speak over the ruckus, but you mime taking a picture and Green gets the idea, his glasses getting a particular sheen to them so you know he’s flipping through his interface. Once he gives you a thumbs up, you gently tug Dark down by the arm and gesture in Green’s direction. “Say ‘cheese,’” you prompt, and the shadowy man pulls a face.

“I don’t think-”

“Oh, just one, Dark, c’mon,” you poke. “He’s set up and everything.” With a sort of resigned huff, the man twists and gets his free arm around you, hand resting carefully on your back as you get yours around him, bringing him in closer.

Then, almost in your ear, you hear his very dour voice say, “Cheese...” and it breaks you. You’re busting out laughing, forcing yourself not to double over or spill your drink, and over the music and your own laughter, you can hear Dark chuckling, the subsequent snap of Green’s camera feature. The latter catches the most attention, the gathered egos coming running as soon as they realize pictures are happening.

Suddenly, everyone wants in, smushing in as close as they can get to you and Dark, bickering when elbows ‘accidentally’ find soft sides and someone worms in front of someone else, Green taking pictures all the while of the ensuing chaos. Dark’s aura is starting to rouse from its relatively peaceful state when you decide it’s gone on long enough. You quickly clap and break up the worst of the infighting, getting folks arranged as best you can. By the time you finish and most everyone is settled, Dark is wearing a very betrayed look and Wilford’s heavy arm, which is hugging him quite close to his side. With a playful shrug, you pick your way back to your spot.

“I thought you said one,” he grumps softly even as you both get your arms situated comfortably around the other.

“You believed me?” His eyes get a bit wide - you trick Dark? You trick him into photograph like the child? - but you turn away with a triumphant smile. “Green, set your glasses on the bar, get in!”

The android quickly obliges, setting the timer and sliding in among his copies as he counts you down. “Okay,” you call, “everyone say ‘Darkling!’”

The cacophony of laughter and broken-up attempts at the word is something you’ll never forget.

---

Google sends you the photos the next morning, as the Manor collectively attempts to nurse minor to severe hangovers. Flipping through and marking the best ones to print and frame, you get to see the first one of the two of you.

In it, you’re hugging each other close, smiling warmly into the camera. There are garlands blurred in the background and you’re holding a fancy drink, tugging Dark into frame. That slightly embarrassed tinge is gone from his smile, but he still looks cajoled, still smiles as affectionately as he ever has. There’s no doubt he’s changed - the photo warps to try to capture his existence, red and blue fragments breaking up the image - but his expression is still warm. And you look so pleased with yourself, so amused, eyes dancing with success and joy.

Full of life.

It pulls a smile out of you.

#markiplier fanfiction #markiplier egos #darkiplier #ego fanfiction #happy birthday mister man light of my life #sorry it is late i was a pile of mental goop after exams #mad market pliers ramblings #fanfiction

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zankie-enough · 3 years ago

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How Not Me is Helping Resolve My Complicated Love of BL

Ok I have been watching Not Me. I just started tumblr posting again and I've tried a few times to pull my thoughts together about this very special show. I just finished episode 7 which had me crying my eyes out and I figured I'd try to explain why this particular episode hit me so hard.

How I got Into BL

Ok I know this seems like a departure but it's important to why Ep 7 was so important to me. I'll try to make it short. I am older, in my 40s. I grew up in a time where there was not a lot of queer content. Although I was straight, I grew up in queer communities. Between my sister, who is lesbian, and her friends and all the gay male friends/trans friends I made along the way for most of my life I've been around more queer than straight people. When we were in our teens early 20s we would hunt for queer cinema. It was our thing and when we found a movie or a show it would be a celebration. We would all get together to watch. My other straight sis and I would fight to find queer shows that had happy endings or weren't about HIV or prostitution. It was so hard back then to find just happy queer representation. Everything was centered around trauma.

I first encountered BL with ITSAY so you know it's a little different from your typical Thai BL. I immediately told my friends that what we had been looking for years ago was happening in the Asian community. I then started watching other BLs and learning more about the genre and I had a complicated reaction to it.

On the one hand I love that light hearted stories of love where everyone is gay are being told. Like this is in some ways what we were searching for but because many were written by straight women for straight women some of the truth and validity for queer communities was left out or if someone like Mame got their hands on it it became completely misrepresented. I started to get really picky about what I watched and although I celebrate the variety I really missed the representation of real queer stories or even the support of queer communities.

If BL is going to make money off of queer characters it should at least lend it's popularity to actually trying to do good for the community. Then in comes Not Me!!

The Representation Thai BL Needs

Now not me is not the only BL to support queer stories and communities but is unique for Thai BLs specifically GMMTV BLs. I have really been enjoying the show overall. Even though I think White is TERRIBLE at impersonating Black and it makes me anxious every week, I think it's supposed to. If he was good at it we wouldn't have suspense. The fact that no one has caught on to him is wild to me though....just saying I don't think the show is perfect but it's willingness to add commentary about the political concerns in Thailand and specifically it's clear focus not just on BL stories but things the LGBTQ community is fighting for makes my heart so happy.

Episode 7 was a full on celebration of Queer Rights and guys I literally cried through all of part 2 and 3. The truth is when we look at minority groups disproportionately affected my socio-economic inequality, queer people are almost always part of this.

Not Me The Series took what could have been a storyline just focused on socio-economic inequality and has incorporated gay rights in a way that I rarely see in Thai BLs. I see it more in Filipino BLs honestly. Thai BL focuses on the fantasy which in some ways I love. In some ways I love the idea of this world where there is not stigma about sexual orientation and everyone can just like who they want but I think to completely ignore that this is not the world we live in yet is problematic.

For the BL industry to thrive it must use queer stories but to use their stories and not at least at some point fight for the people behind the stories feels gross. There needs to be some sort of balance and Not Me is bringing that to the forefront in a loud way. Sadly it's really a risk for the show. It doesn't fit into the neat little bubble that a lot of people who consume BL want. They want the fantasy. I get it. I'm not even putting them down. It's why I still watch Hallmark movies even though they lack any semblance of the real world. I watched them for years. I would be a hypocrite to pretend as though I don't have guilty pleasures that don't feed that need for a fantasy world but just like Hallmark was finally forced to address it's lack of diversity at some point Thai BL specifically GMMTV has to address it's lack of representation in the fight for gay rights.

This episode in particular gave an activist voice to so many and did not dance around the topic of marriage equality and gay rights. I have to admit when shippers scream "GET MARRIED!" to the actors that play their fav couple, I personally want to yell back "THEY CAN'T IT'S NOT LEGAL IN THEIR COUNTRY AND THAT'S A PROBLEM WE SHOULD ALL RECOGNIZE!" no but for real the ability to turn a blind eye to the fact that the queer community is still fighting for it's rights all over the World is not allyship and I don't know if I feel comfortable with individuals consuming queer media that don't intend to at least attempt allyship.

Not Me is in no means perfect and yes there are other shows out there trying to make a difference as well as actors and directors. I don't think the fantasy should disappear but I do think we need shows like Not Me to remind us that the fantasy is not real and there are real people who need support and their stories told.

I saw a lot of tropes dispelled in Bad Buddy and now Not Me showing activism in queer spaces I just hope to see BL in general moving in the right direction and supported by the masses. I hope it doesn't receive too much backlash and viewership goes up.

Between Sean/White and Dan/Yok the BL romance is there but it's just not provided in a neat package or a wildly inappropriate one. A suspense/thriller where the main couples happen to be gay is progress. It's a pretty big deal and still way ahead of queer cinema and film in other countries. I hope BL continues to move in this direction.

#not me the series #not me #yokdan #danyok #not me ep 7 #Not me the series ep 7 #offgun

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xoxo-ren-xoxo · 4 years ago

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Tommy’s (and Tubbo’s) Character /rp /dSMP

This is a bit of a rant so like be warned. I have nothing against any CCs mentioned in this, this is all roleplay, lighthearted, and just a bit of fun analysis. Mostly this is a ramble about how I see certain people analysing Tommy’s character on tumblr and twt, and why I think they’re wrong. This isn’t directed at anyone specific, just a trend I’ve been seeing that kinda irks me. I don’t dislike the fandom, just a few ‘takes’ have been really weird for me.

TW for everything below: analysing the effects of trauma, abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and lack of therapy.

I’m not really liking how victim-blamey everyone is getting currently in the dSMP, both in fandom and canon. In canon with certain characters but especially in fan analysis posts and especially about Tommy and Tubbo. People legitimately celebrating that Tommy might start ‘apologising’ for his actions more and 'growing as a person' somehow don’t realise that hes been made this way through a tonne of negative reinforcement. abuse, and gaslighting. And people blaming Tubbo for actions he had no choice in, rather than the actions he did choose.

Currently, as I see it, Tommy is so scared that anyone would find a reason to be pissed off at him that his fighting spirit has been completely crushed. He was exiled and abused when he should have been helped and given an understanding figure to guide him and teach him how to deal with things non-violently. In everyone’s eyes, the problem was that Tommy was creating violence with no real reason, acting recklessly and commiting crimes. Tubbo, having made him a part of his cabinet, knew that this would only harm the country. So instead of talking to him reasonably, he got angry, put him on trial, and punished him with the logbook (humiliating him by making him report back to Fundy, which he obviously hated). Tommy’s actions were, of course, bad, but did he deserve everyone ganging up on him? No. Especially when Tubbo was supposed to be in his corner, helping him out like he always said he would (”It’s me and you vs Dream” etc). This is the first betrayal of trust from Tommy’s POV. He doesn’t understand what he did wrong to its full extent, and no one can explain it to him.

However, Tubbo was under a lot of pressure from Dream and George, and he’s a literal child President, so his ‘safety over friendship’ actions are understandable. I don’t believe Tubbo is solely to blame for anything he’s done in season 2, but it can’t all be excused. If you are to blame Tommy for his recklessness, you have to blame Tubbo, at least partially, for his disregard for Tommy’s feelings and mental state. There were other ways to go about the entire thing, including the trial, which was just horrible to watch, and agreeing to give Dream the disc, something Tommy gave him in pure confidence that it would be safe with Tubbo. Yikes moment.

At that time, Tubbo knew a lot of things about Tommy. In fact, he probably knew the most about Tommy out of anyone on the server. He knew the discs were incredibly important and a comfort item for Tommy. He knew Tommy had trauma from being exiled in the past. He knew Tommy was abused, or at least manipulated by Wilbur, in addition to growing up in war. Wilbur once told Tommy to stop being reckless, and Tommy listened, changing his attitude because he looked up to Wilbur so much. Then Wilbur said ‘let’s be the bad guys’ and stopped trying to mentor Tommy. There’s a conflict here, because Tommy was told by Wilbur that he wasn’t good enough to be President (links to the idea of ‘not being strong enough’) but he knows that Wilbur was a bad person. But Tommy is never given the chance to reconsile his feelings surrounding Wilbur, both because of Ghostbur and because of the conflict he starts with George. So he is harbouring a mixture of emotions about his mentor and brother, not understanding how to untangle the ‘real Tommy’ from the manipulated boy he became.

What was going through his head when he stole from George and griefed him? Perhaps the thought that he needed to show he was still the same old Tommy. Maybe the need to ‘prove himself’ as a strong person? It could have just been an outlet for his trauma. He’s grown up in a world where everyone is either a friend or an enemy. George isn’t a friend. How was he supposed to know that hurting him was bad?

Tubbo was pressured into the actions he took against Tommy, but he was pressured far too easily. There is no moment where Tubbo turns to Tommy and makes sure he’s okay, he views him as ‘selfish’ and overdramatic, and sees his actions that way. This makes sense from Tubbo’s POV, he’s struggling to be President in ways that Wilbur *knew* he would, but in Tommy’s eyes this is the worst betrayal he’s ever known. The moment Tubbo (rightfully, but poorly executed) defies Tommy’s plan to hire Technoblade (ahem, seeing Techno as a weapon again) and exiles Tommy is the moment their friendship shatters. They’re two people who don’t understand each other anymore. Two people who are technically in the right, but only hurt each other.

What Tommy needed was a therapist, instead he had Dream, who put out the fire of rebellion that made him so strong, and Techno, who was trying to help but doing it in the wrong way.

People see tommy's change post-exile as a good thing because he's not as rebellious anymore and he’s thinking things through a lot before he does them, but they will soon realise that his rebellion was one of his best traits and the fact that no one saw it as anything but a problem really shows. He now second-guesses himself so much and is so scared of being wrong that everything seems too difficult and too dangerous. Every trait can have a positive and negative side. Tommy's defiant nature would have made him the perfect negotiator with a little practise. In fact, he had plenty of good ideas before he was exiled (using spirit against Dream, though it didnt work in the end, for example). The negative side of this was recklessness and the desire to cause problems on purpose, but what he needed was a friend (looking at you Tubbo) who understood that hes been through several wars, was manipulated by Wilbur, and hasnt known a time of peace where everyone who wasnt on his side was out to kill him. Now that ‘fight’ is gone he's just become easier to manipulate.

He may be getting better (see: telling Dream to go fuck himself) but there hasn't been any long-term growth because he was never told what kind of rebellion was good and what was bad. He was just told it was all bad. By Dream (and by Tubbo). Who he doesn't trust. So he's just going to revert back to his old ways because no one told him what was bad in a way that didn't make him feel like everyone was against him. Dream is the enemy (though Tommy’s feelings towards him are complicated, they make his brain go all ‘flippy floppy’) and Dream told him that rebellion was bad, so rebellion must be good always, right?

And then there's Techno. Techno did nothing wrong except for when he did. Techno is 100% right except for when he isn’t. He doesn't understand Tommy because Tommy was never fully open about what Dream had done and how it affected him. That's not Tommys fault though, because who the fuck openly talks about their trauma? So neither of them are to blame for pretty much anything up until the confrontation at the community house.

However, Techno's methods and ideology were not what Tommy needed. He was thrown from one extreme to another over and over again, from complete subservience to total rebellion. Neither of these inforce good attitudes in Tommy. One, as stated before, makes it so that he will regain his negative traits again. The other reinforces those violent traits as good, just like Wilbur did. The only difference is that Techno had good intentions, he wasnt trying to use Tommy, which is why he feels so used when Tommy 'betrays' him (Techno doesnt realise that he himself betrayed Tommy by teaming with Dream, he sees it more as a transaction than a personal thing). Techno feels so hurt by Tommy ‘viewing him as a weapon’ that he goes on with his no-mercy attack, completely dropping Tommy at his lowest point.

Tommy says he doesn't want to be like everyone he's hated. In fact, he say's he is 'worse' than all the villains. This is very obviously untrue, though he was clearly going down a dangerous path with Techno's influence (see: bullying Fundy, spawning wither, kidnapping Connor, and saying that the discs are more important than Tubbo, more on that later). He's not a villain but who exactly has said he's not a villain. Dream? Techno? Neither of them can be trusted in his eyes. They say he's a good guy, Wilbur wanted to be the bad guy, who's right? He doesn't know. He has a crisis of morality.

And? Some people want to point at that and say 'aha! Character development! He's finally realising his actions have a negative affect on others!' OH GOD NO??? He's a *child* who thinks that he is worse than his abuser. Does that sound like positive character growth to you?

Lastly, the discs. We know theyre a comfort item blahblahblah. He hates himself for valuing them more than he values Tubbo. He's literally innocent in this. He’s been horribly manipulated by Dream to believe that the discs are worth anything. Theyre really not worth anything if they are being used as tools rather than, yknow, discs. My poor boy. He doesnt trust people, so what can he trust? The discs. But then he says it out loud and realises he misses Tubbo and he wants to be with his best friend again and and and WAHHHH. This also isnt really character growth its just fucking sad leave me alone.

Anyways what the fuck guys. @ Niki and Jack what the fuck. Yeah we get it it’s miscommunication but wtf. Kinda worried that the actual lore will make Niki and Jack’s hatred of Tommy justified in some way and take on a big victim-blamey vibe, but I’m hoping that everyone is smart enough to not do that. I cannot praise Tommy enough for how he’s portrayed his character. I’m currently hoping that he himself understands the true complexity of it all. I’m sure he does.

Mostly though im actually pissed off at all the people praising tommy's character for 'maturing' when hes literally just got trauma. Nice one, tumblr and twt users. Thanks. Great job. He hasnt 'learnt his lesson', he’s traumatised. What the fuck.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk, leave your responses in the reblogs and comments.

#dreamsmp #dream smp #character analysis #dreamsmp analysis #analysis #critical #tommyinnit #tubbo #dream #technoblade #wilbur soot #tw trauma #tw abuse #tw gaslighting #tw manipulation

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maerenee930 · 4 years ago

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alright lovely friends of mine, it is now time for a wellness/mental health check in. i want to see how everyone’s doing and i’m curious as to what you all have been up to lately 😊 so talk to me, please!

(also, apologies in advance for some swearing throughout this 😅)

tell me how you’re doing.

or tell me about something you’re working on or something you have going on.

tell me about something you’re looking forward to.

tell me about something that is making you really happy.

tell me about the bad days. i’m here when you need me or just need someone to listen 💙

tell me about anything you want!

i wanna talk with you and make sure you’re doing alright 🖤 and i wanna be here for you if you need someone to lean on.

oooh also… i have to ask, have you been drinking water? going outside for even a tiny bit and getting some sun or fresh air? if you haven’t, please do! you have to take care of my friend, understand? 🖤

to quote many posts i’ve seen, “don’t forget to drink water and get some sunlight! you’re basically a house plant with more complicated emotions” 😅 so please make sure you’re taking care of yourself! you absolutely deserve that!

and now it’s time for some other reminders 😊

you are loved! specifically by me and i know you are loved by so many other people! 💙

you matter. you matter so much more than you could ever realize! you matter so much to me and to everyone who loves you!

you make the world a better place by being here. you may not think that’s the case, but honestly you do! you are a ray of sunshine that the world needs! there is no one who is completely and exactly like you and the world needs you and everything you are!

you are such a beautiful, handsome, stunning and gorgeous soul! seriously though! like not only have you seen you?!! but have you met you?! i mean, come on!! like you are truly such a wonderful person and so beautiful inside and out! 💋 don’t ever forget that you are perfect as you are! don’t compare yourself to other people! you don’t look like them and aren’t exactly like them for a reason! please remind yourself that you are so unique and you were made as you are because the world really doesn’t have anyone who is 100% like you. you bring so many things to the table!

i appreciate you. thank you for letting me be apart of your life (even if we don’t talk very much, it still means a lot to me that you let me be apart of your life in some way, shape or form) and thank you for being my friend! also, i’m really thankful you’re here ☺️

remember to show yourself some kindness, understanding, compassion, patience and lots of love. you deserve that.

you are so unbelievably strong. seriously, you are so much stronger than you realize. you’ve made it through every single tough day you’ve had and are still here! i think that deserves some celebrating!! 🥳🥰💙🎇🎉🎊

also, you don’t have to feel strong to be it. strength is knowing your faults, flaws, weaknesses and the negative things about you and wanting to grow and change so you can be the best version of yourself that you can be for you! it’s knowing that no matter what you’re feeling or going through, it’s okay to feel like it’s not going to get better. just keep reminding yourself at times that you will get through this. cause you’re a fucking warrior, love! also, being strong isn’t going through things alone. needing people to be there for you or help you isn’t wrong or being weak. it’s takes a lot of strength to ask people to be there for you and to help you. so please keep reminding yourself that you don’t have to ever go through anything alone 💙

i am proud of you. truly i am so fucking proud of who you are! you are just amazing and i’m so proud of everything you’ve pushed through and accomplished! life is tough and the fact you’re still here and fighting and being so awesome and amazing, it makes my heart so happy and makes me so proud of you!!

just please remember that you are loved, cared for and about, wanted, needed, appreciated and are amazing! you can do and be anything you want and more! you don’t have to handle the hard times alone and you have so much to offer the world!

i love you so much! 💙🖤

i am sending you the biggest and warmest of hugs 💋

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years ago

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hello! i hope you have a happy holidays!! just a question: do you know any good crossover fics? :0 thanks so much! 🥰

Hi Nonny!!

Thank you! My holiday season was great <3 Sorry for the delay on the reply, but your ask was a great one because I’ve wanted to do an update list to my “movies and books” list, so I’m updating it to just “crossovers” because I have more to add and that makes me happy!!

This list ended up getting split across two asks, so for this one, this list is all my bookmarked fics. A part 1.5 with my MFL’s is coming shortly with another ask, and I ask y’all hold off to add your own suggestions to that list instead, please :) Thank you!

CROSSOVERS and FUSIONS (Feb 2021) Pt. 1