#this sounds way worse than it is i just have anxiety lmao

[fvnnythiings]

i have a headcanon that i’ve been mulling over for a long, long while now that’s lowkey special & hard to let go of for me but im afraid it’ll make ppl less likely to want to interact FHSHSJSKS

[no-144444]

guilt tripping- o.piastri

summary: oscar asks something of you that you know you can't do. you do it anyway and it ends in you two almost breaking up. almost.

pairing: oscar piastri x fem! chronic illness! reader

a/n: hey yall, I just broke two ribs (lol) and got diagnosed with a chronic illness (lmao) so I might not be posting as frequently- just dealing with it physically and mentally so yah ���

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“I don’t know if I can go,” you sighed, feeling even worse. 

“That’s alright,” he assured you, but you could hear the way his excitement depleted and his mood lowered. 

“M-maybe I can work something out, I don’t want to leave you alone,” your guilt grew everyday, this wasn’t healthy for either of you. 

“I don’t want you over-exerting yourself,” he spoke softly into the phone. “I’ll just ask mum if she has any friends that want to go or something. She always brings a million people with her.”

“I don’t want to leave you hanging Oscar. Melbourne is a big race. I’d be happy to come over like a week before, and then come to the race once I’ve had a few days to heal,” you bargained. A 22 hour connecting flight was not something you’d ever wanted to do. You couldn’t do it. You knew the pain would be too bad, yet you still stood there, offering it anyway. “And then I’d come for the race on Sunday, or just small bits on all the days.”

“Really?” his voice picked up, excited now. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure Osc, I love seeing you race,” your smile was more of a grimace than anything, but still, the guilt in your chest lessened as you listened to Oscar speak animatedly about the race weekend, while your anxiety ran through the roof. You couldn’t do all the things he wanted you to do, you never could. This had been a problem at the beginning of your relationship, every time he’d plan a date that wasn’t dinner or a movie, you’d have to break the news that a 15 kilometre hike wasn’t something you’d be able to do on a whim. Things like that took planning, physio, and preparation. Your chronic illness was no joke, and had limited you since you were a teenager. In the past few years he’d gotten much better at everything, from helping you with your physio exercises, attending pilates classes with you, knowing what to do on bad pain days, and always looking out for you in public. You knew he was just getting away with himself, and you didn't want to disappoint, so you agreed to it all, hoping against hope that it wouldn’t be a bad week of pain or flare-ups wise. 

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You got into Melbourne and sobbed when you got in the car. Thankfully, it was Hattie picking you up, so she just held your hand as you silently cried, the joint and too much to bear. You went straight to bed as Hattie explained to the rest of the house that you were exhausted, and Oscar took it at face value. You usually get extremely tired after long days, and you’d just had a 22-hour day of travel. 

“I’ll go check on her-” he started, desperate to see you but Hattie cut him off. 

“NO!” she squeaked, trying to not sound suspicious. Oscar raised an eyebrow. “She’s really tired and she’s already gone to sleep.”

“Yeah, well I’m tired so I’m going to bed,” he explained, stretching then yawning. 

“Osc,” Hattie sighed, knowing she had to tell him. “She’s not… alright. She can’t do 22 hour travel days like you or I can. She has Lupus and she’s still trying to figure out her medication, so it hurts all the time. She cried from the airport to here, all to support you because you asked her to, and she feels guilty every single time she can’t say yes. She’s done real damage to herself by coming here. I want you to understand that, do you understand that?” 

Oscar nodded, because the other option was breaking down into tears. Yes, he’d felt guilty that he couldn’t be there to take care of you while travelling, and he knew he was asking a lot of you when he asked. The guilt settled deep in his stomach and made him nauseous, but still he continued on to his bedroom where you were sleeping peacefully. He could see the puffy eyes, the red nose, the open bottles of medication on the nightstand. He wrapped an arm around your waist, another in your hair and pulled you as close as possible, whispering teary sorrys into your ear. 

When you woke up the next morning, you knew what you had to do. This wasn’t fair on either of you, and you needed to make a change. You quickly (but silently) got up, and started to leave the room, but Oscar grabbed ahold of your hand before you could leave. 

“Please don’t sneak out on me,” he begged, sitting up. He looked wrecked, puffy eyes, red rose- had he been crying? God, had you made him cry? 

“Osc, what’s wrong?” you asked, concern clear as day on your face as you cupped his face with your hands.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I knew I was asking too much when I asked you to come here, I’m so sorry.”

Your heart tightened in your chest. “Osc, I’m alright, I was just tired last night and-”

“Hattie told me,” his voice was deep, deeper than usual, and he pressed a gentle kiss to your hand. “And I’m so sorry.”

“Osc, I could’ve said no if I didn’t think I was able for it,” you tried to reassure him but he shook his head. 

“Y/n, you did say no and I didn’t take it as an answer,” he scoffed. 

You were stunned into silence. “I think we need to have a talk about us, Osc.”

He nodded, taking your hands in his. 

“This isn’t fair on you. I know I can't control my illness, and neither can you. It sucks, but it’s a fact. I wish I could be there for every single race and cheer you on with the other girls, but I can’t. It’s not in the cards for me right now, and I don’t know when it will be. Oscar, I love you so much, and you’ve been with me through everything and I know you deserve someone who can always be there for you, and I’m not that person right now. I love you but I know it’s not enough,” You finally looked at him and he was biting his lip as tears streamed down his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head and stood up, dropping your hands as he paced his bedroom. “You know how much I love you, don’t you?” he asked and you nodded as you held back more tears. “So you know that I still feel your support even when we’re in different time zones or on different continents, right? You know that I value you being in as little pain as possible more than being at the barricade after a race, right? You know that I fucking love you more than I love racing, right? Y/n, I’ve been here the entire time, since we were 14 years old. You’re the reason I get in the car, you make me better, all the time it’s just you. I plan on being with you for my whole life, Y/n. I want to be there for everything. I plan to sit there through every appointment about medication until you find the one that actually helps you, I plan on being there for every day where you don’t feel up to it, I plan on being there for you, always. I never want to let go of you, and yeah, it is nice to be able to see you after a race, and I know that because fucking facetime exists. If you still want to break up because I fucked up by asking you to come here, go ahead, but don’t ever think that I’m without because I’m with you. I am so in love with you, Y/n. I mean it. I want to marry you one day, I want a family with you, I want to be old with you so we get to reminisce on the good ol’ days and make some more while we have time. ‘The good ol’ days’ will be the days I spend with you. More than any race win, more than any trophy, or than anything. My favourite part about a race weekend is coming home because I know no matter what my result was, you’ll be there with open arms, loving me anyways. You’re more than enough for me.”

You crossed the room and wrapped your arms around him, crying into his hoodie as he held you. “I love you too.”

After a few moments of both of you calming down, he finally spoke. “Can you forgive me for being such an asshole?” he asked, wiping his eyes. 

You nodded, a small smile on your face. “I can, can you forgive me for being such an idiot?”

He chuckled. “You’re no idiot,” he picked you up and gently placed you back on the bed lying beside you. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

[honkytonk-hangman]

How It's Done (1/2)

Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Aviator!Reader

Summary: “Like me? I didn’t even think you wanted me as a squadmate, let alone–” you stop speaking, but only because Hangman cuts his eyes sharply away from you to glare out at the ocean. “Well, I do.” He says kind of indignantly, all things considered, and eyes you almost sourly. “You can just say no if you don’t–” “–No, I do!” you quickly cut him off, because at the end of it all, you’re a little too much of a hopeless romantic to let this moment pass you by.

Warnings: erm maybe just some references to sex? jake being jake? language? minions. big warning for minions xD

Notes: This is part one of a two-parter, the next will be mostly smut lmao. Thank you for reading! I would love any feedback or comments and dont forget to reblog if you feel so inclined!!!

Masterlist

“Well, I’ll be damned…”

You pinch your eyes shut and steel yourself at the sound of the all too familiar Texan drawl, hanging on to the hope that perhaps he isn’t talking to you. You’re out of luck though, and moments later Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin slides into the open space next to you at the bar, already posed in a casual lean as he looks you up and down appraisingly.

It makes your teeth grind.

It makes your face hot.

“If it isn’t Mirage. Would have invited you to play with us if I’d known you were here earlier…” Hangman cocks his head, and his lips tip up in an infuriatingly perfect smile. “But one can never really be sure if you’re around or not… and that's before you get in a cockpit,” he grins, but when you meet his eye at last, he looks away from you, toward Penny who seems to approach in the nick of time, saving you from needing to respond.

You blink down at your drink, and finish it quickly, unnerved by what you think might have just been a compliment of sorts from Hangman. You’d been stationed together previously, though you weren’t friends, so you’d been expecting something a little more acidic in nature. You’d heard him interact with other aviators, knew he liked to push and poke them, usually got away with it too. For some reason though, he’d never really gone there with you and frankly you’ve always just chalked it up to not being worth his time. In fact, you’re pretty sure the only times you’d ever actually spoken had been in the sky. To be completely honest, you’re more than a little surprised that he remembers you at all.

You didn’t exactly go out of your way to stand out…

You were naturally quiet, which wasn’t helped by your social anxiety, resulting in most people describing you as extremely shy. They wouldn’t be wrong, you suppose, you did tend to keep to yourself, the idea of having too many eyes on you all but unbearable to you. But if you’d thought a roomful of people singing happy birthday to you was bad, somehow being under the unwavering stare of Hangman is approximately one thousand times worse.

“Penny, my dear… I’ll have,” he stops to glance pointedly down at your now finished beer, adjusts his stance to lean even more and unwittingly makes the muscles in his bicep bulge.

“Five more on the Old Timer,” Hangman says, nodding to the man who sits on the other side of the bar.

Internally you blanch, but externally, you say nothing and give even less away, feeling a little ping of satisfaction that apparently, you know something Hangman doesn’t. Before he’d come along, you’d been carefully watching the interaction between Penny and Captain Mitchell. You’d never met the man before, but you knew how to read military insignia, which at this point, was more than you could say for Hangman, who dismisses him quickly.

You wonder if Monday morning you’ll be able to work up the nerve to tease him about it.

You’re distracted from your thoughts when Penny returns with the requested drinks. You had no real intentions of going and hanging out with Hangman and the others, but before you can excuse yourself, your empty beer is smoothly plucked from your hands, replaced quickly with a brand new one.

“Help me carry these back?” Hangman asks then, jerking his head in the vague direction of the pool table. You frown when he immediately takes off walking, not actually letting you help him at all, all four beers still slotted between his fingers. You find yourself following him anyway, as if he’d placed some kind of spell over you.

Hangman stops ahead of you at the ancient jukebox, looking back over his shoulder at you, nodding in a pleased manner when he sees you trailing behind. He waits for you, gaze never leaving your form, even as he nods to the space next to him. You awkwardly step up to the spot opposite to him, and look past the glass and at the selection inside. Hangman, once more, takes up a lean, this time against the rickety machine.

“Would you be so kind as to select track number…” he trails off as he checks the list of songs, but quickly flicks his gaze back to you, and smiles bright, tauntingly, again. “Eighty-Six?” he asks, but it's barely a question. You nod, and swallow, shifting from holding your beer with two hands to holding it with just one. You carefully tap the chunky ‘eight’ and ‘six’ keys as he watches. The machine’s little analogue screen confirms that your song is next up, and nervously, you look back up at Hangman, horrified to find he’s just been staring at your face for the past however long.

“S’been a while, Mirage.” He drawls, making you blink rapidly and look away.

“Has it?” Is all you can manage meekly in reply, surprised when he lets out a genuine sounding laugh. He hums warmly, and you practically feel it in your chest.

“And yet,” he lifts hand, two beers held expertly between his fingers, but he extends it to tap your nose, almost making you almost flinch.

“You haven’t changed at all.” Hangman grins Cheshire-like down at you, before his eyes narrow ever so slightly, and he leans in even closer while flicking his eyes up and down your form again.

“I don’t bite you know,” he tells you, his voice sounding serious, but his somberness lasts mere seconds.

“Well, not unless you ask me to first, sweetheart,” he winks and his smile grows large as your eyes grow wide and you splutter, flustered.

Your face grows hot with slight embarrassment, a wave of inner resentment at his teasing washing through you.

Hangman laughs, seemingly bored with you now, and he turns to walk back toward the pool tables. Without even looking, he beckons you to follow with one finger on his still occupied hands. For a moment your pique prevents you from doing so, certain that if you were to dip into the crowd now, he’d not care enough to seek you out again, let alone notice you were missing.

You know he didn’t mean it, you know his flirting is just to get a rise, but you also know that he’d never do it to Phoenix, or Halo, and a little bit of you hates yourself for being such a marked pushover. You make the decision now that you won’t let him do it again, if you can help it.

Your eyes travel past Hangman then, towards the pool tables where you can now see another figure has joined the other gathered aviators, and for the first time all evening, you don’t feel nervous to go join them.

You follow after Hangman, but quickly diverge from his path, cutting around a gathered group of Navy personnel to get there faster. As you approach, you take a moment to shake off any lingering anxiety, before gently laying a hand on the faded Hawaiian shirt in front of you, doing your best to keep yourself from bouncing on your heels.

Rooster half looks ready to wave off whoever is trying to get his attention, but when his shaded eyes land on you, he spins his whole body to face you, grinning widely in unguarded excitement as he gathers you up in his arms.

“Miri!” he exclaims warmly, and you can’t help the laughter that bubbles out of you when he briefly lifts you off the ground.

“I was just about to ask Phoenix if she’d seen you yet.” Rooster informs you. 

“Seen who?” Phoenix steps around him, frowning as she quickly glances you over, though it disappears quickly.

“Yeah, that about tracks…” Rooster mutters mostly to himself.

“Nat, this is Mirage, you know her right?” Rooster introduces the two of you, and while neither of you make to shake hands, you only feel friendly energy radiate off the other woman, even as she openly looks you over now, nodding at Rooster’s words.

“Right, I have heard about you… I guess there's no real mystery behind your callsign… I didn’t even realise you were here… Sorry,” she tells you bluntly, but you appreciate her straightforwardness.

“They said ‘Wallflower’ was too long.” You joke lightly, and the other woman smiles. A moment passes between you, and you get the distinct feeling that Phoenix has become determined to never let you go unnoticed in her presence again.

You aren’t sure just yet if you appreciate that, but you are sure that you’ve just made a friend.

“Mirage?” Another voice joins then and you look to your left, smiling again when you see another familiar face.

“Bob!” you move to embrace him too, not seeing the look shared between Phoenix and Payback who watch you in surprise.

“Huh. Figures.”

---

Neither you or Hangman have moved since Rooster and Mav went down. The rest of Dagger had returned an hour ago, mission complete. There was no reason for either of you to be on standby.

And yet.

When the call came through that Dagger Two had been hit, both you and Hangman had separately requested to be launched, to help, but you’d been denied.

As a rule, you made yourself easy to work with, even if those around you were less compliant, and you’d experienced plenty of that, flying alongside Hangman the past few weeks. Whether it was him leaving you to get shot down in training, or refusing to fly as a team during simulations. And yet, despite his habit of ‘hanging you out to dry’ being the reason behind his callsign, deep down, you’ve never once doubted flying alongside him in the real thing like the others seemed to.

You’re glad for that lack of hesitation now, glad that it only takes a single moment of eye contact from across the tarmac for the two of you to understand one another perfectly. Glad that when you got word that somehow, Rooster was supersonic again, you already know his answer before you even ask.

“Hangman? Hondo’s cleared us for take off with the ground crew, against orders. You with me?” you ask quietly, looking over at your wingman, knowing that when you return you’ll most certainly be court marshalled, but unable to sit and do nothing any longer.

“To hell and back, Mirage,” comes his immediate reply.

You see him move in sync with you, both of your canopy’s lowering at the same time.

You ignore the panicked voices ordering you to stand down, long enough for Hondo and the others to get you on the catapult, and by then it’s too late.

In two seconds you’re propelled from zero to over a hundred and sixty, and in your ears you hear Hangman right behind you.

---

“Do you want to get a coffee with me?” The question makes you jump, your drink almost sloshing everywhere. The sudden voice, as well as the person it belonged to, takes you completely by surprise, but you’re thankful he doesn’t draw attention to your startling.

Up until moments ago, you’d been peacefully watching the ocean toss and turn, burying your feet in the damp sand and thinking about what you were going to do with your upcoming two weeks of post-mission leave.

Most of Dagger were a little further up the shore, a bonfire crackling away, although you weren’t the only one to have splintered off. Mav and Rooster were currently standing in the shallows talking, and you think Halo and Phoenix have moved to sit apart from the others as well. You had managed to sneak away easily enough, content to just sit on your own for a while, though your efforts appear to have been mostly in vain, if the man now plopped in the sand beside you is any indicator.

You blink at each other.

“What?!” you blurt out dumbly, not completely certain you really understood what he’d said. Hangman’s lips press into a thin line, and he looks away from you, linking his hands together around his knees, and staring out at the rolling waves.

“Coffee. Would you like to get one with me?” He repeats, sounding only a smidge impatient, but it still doesn't clear up much for you.

“I… No, I heard you the first time… I… I just don’t understand… why?”

Over the past three weeks you’ve been forced more out of your shell than you ever have before. It was torture. It was wonderful.

Part of you pats yourself on the back for being able to ask him so starightly, but another part of you slaps yourself in the face for questioning him.

Hangman turns to look at you apprehensively.

“Are you asking why coffee or why am I asking you?” He speaks slowly and carefully, his face blank and devoid of any hint he was teasing, though you think he might be anyway.

“Why… Why are you asking me?” You push, shuffling your feet in the sand, drawing his attention for a moment. He looks back at your face and frowns slightly, cocking his head.

“Because I like you? And that is usually what somebody does when they like someone. Ask them.” He answers, and this time you definitely get the impression he’s politely trying not to laugh, but for once, you don’t feel like you’re on the outside of the joke.

Still, you find yourself taken somewhat aback at his confession, admitted so easily and freely, as if it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you, which confuses you.

“Like me? I didn’t even think you wanted me as a squadmate, let alone–” you stop speaking, but only because Hangman cuts his eyes sharply away from you to glare out at the ocean.

“Well, I do.” He says kind of indignantly, all things considered, and eyes you almost sourly. “You can just say no if you don’t–”

“–No, I do!” you quickly cut him off, because at the end of it all, you’re a little too much of a hopeless romantic to let this moment pass you by. Especially when for the past three weeks you haven't been able to get rid of the odd heart skips you got whenever Hangman acknowledged your presence at all.

And besides, you weren’t blind.

Hangman was ridiculously pretty, and not anywhere near as much of an asshole as he wanted people to believe.

He looks at you blankly for a moment, processing your words, before his face breaks out in a smile. It isn’t one of his usual smirks or tauntingly pearly grins, though. It’s softer, sweeter, and you stare mesmerised as he looks away from you again quickly, and down at his linked hands, nodding.

Two days pass, and even when you’re sitting across from him in a small, niche little coffee shop you had no idea existed, you feel like you’re in a dream.

You’ve never seen Hangman out of uniform, you realise, and it’s a whole new experience you’re forced quickly to process when he stands to go get your drinks.

Dark jeans, white shirt, casual jacket. It’s a simple outfit, but goddamn does he make it look good. Nervously you have to wonder if your white and blue sundress, sneakers and bomber jacket were having the same effect on him, though you highly doubt it.

He returns quickly, attentively, placing both your coffees down, before folding himself into his chair once more. You both look at each other awkwardly before you distract yourself by taking a sip of your coffee. Hangman seems to do the same, but instead of drinking, he begins tearing into several little sugar packets, and emptying them into his coffee foam.

You huff out a tiny laugh before you can stop yourself, and his eyes quickly snap to you.

“What?” he asks defensively, but the corners of his mouth twitch.

“I just… I guess I never figured you for a sweet coffee kinda guy…”

“Oh, and why is that?” his twitching lips turn into a full smirk, but it isn’t his usual Hangman smirk. You chew on the inside of your lip, and sip your coffee once more before answering.

“I’m not sure. I guess you just don’t seem like the type of guy who…” you trail off, unsure of what exactly you’re trying to say and even more; how to say it.

“Listen, I may have rippling, glistening abdominals, but I have a sweet tooth,” he says, putting on the defensiveness now, leaning toward you and pointing at himself. You pinch your brows together and purse your lips, nodding vehemently.

“I know how to have fun,” he tells you, tipping a third sugar into his coffee.

“Of that I don’t really doubt, Hangman,” you say, but his gaze snaps back to you again, almost sharply this time.

“Jake.” he corrects you.

You pause.

Of course, you knew his first name, but you’re fairly certain you’ve never once used it. Hangman has just always been, well, Hangman. But you weren’t in a cockpit right now, he’d asked you out, this wasn’t the time and place for callsigns. He wasn’t Hangman, and you weren’t Mirage.

“Jake,” you say slowly, carefully, as if he’ll tell you any moment he’s just kidding around. But he doesn’t.

“Miri,” he replies, slow like you, but softer, and it’s silly, but it sounds so nice coming from him. You shake your head and swallow.

“Jake, if you don’t like coffee, why did you ask me out for one?” you ask him, watching as he blinks slowly at you, before his gaze slowly drops to the latte in front of him.

“If I asked you for a drink, you might’ve got the wrong idea,” he starts, speaking carefully. “If I asked you for dinner, it could be too formal, too awkward–”

“–It’s already awkward,” you point out, making him grimace slightly, so you shrug.

“Coffee just seemed like– I just wanted to–” he cuts himself off and drops both hands to the table.

“Look– I just didn’t want there to be any misunderstanding about what this was. I like you. I know you like coffee.” Jake admits all in a flurry, his voice quiet, and his eyes flickering around as he speaks.

For as long as you’ve known him, you’ve never seen Jake unable to maintain eye contact, actually it seemed to be something he took immense pride in, and it always made you slightly uncomfortable, but right now he appears completely incapable, and it's not a side of Hangman you’ve ever seen before. You realise you might be meeting Jake properly for the first time.

You decide to let him off easy, with all the newfound courage Dagger had been feeding into you the past few weeks, and you change the subject.

“You know, when you came up to me at the Hard Deck that first night, I was kinda surprised you remembered me at all,” you say slowly, sipping your coffee and eying him evenly. Jake frowns then, but it smooths out into a cool grin, and he leans back in his chair, cocking his head.

“Are you kidding? I’m always clocking possible threats.” he tells you, making you cough lightly.

“How am I a threat to you?!” you ask in disbelief.

“Oh, I could name a few,” Jake teases, nodding at you, but flicking his eyes away, almost making a show of clocking an incoming group of customers behind you.

You weren’t clueless, you knew you were a part of Dagger for a reason. You were damn good at your job, but still, Jake was Hangman, not only was he an aviator you respected, he was an aviator with very high personal standards, and for him to see you as comparable to him… well truthfully, you find yourself rather humbled.

And then flustered, at his clear unabashed flirting.

“I always thought you flirting was just you messing with me,” you admit, and he grins wider.

“Can’t it be both?” he asks, leaning forward again, and clasping his hands together. He seems to have no problem maintaining eye contact now, you note. When you cold-stare him, he simply shrugs.

“You’re cute when you get all flustered and nervous, what can I say?”

“Literally anything else.” You grumble back.

You finish your coffee and push the cup to the side, crossing your arms on the table and leaning forward like he was. Jake mimics you, pushing his own coffee away, clearly with no intention to start, let alone finish it. You aren’t as good as him with eye contact though, no matter how much you’d come out of your shell, so you take the opportunity to glance sideways out the window, only for your gaze to catch on something.

Your heart thumps loudly for a moment in your ears, and you wonder briefly if you should act on the thoughts popping around your brain right now, or if you should just stay put.

You lean forward even more, and flick your eyes back to Jake who is staring at you curiously.

“Hey, I have an idea…” you start, chewing on the inside of your lip, before standing up. You only hesitate a little before offering your hand.

“You with me?” you ask without thinking, the words the same as the ones you ask time and again to your wingmen while in flight manoeuvres. Jake stares up at you for a moment, before he too stands, your heart skipping when he takes your hand. With a tiny squeeze you almost don’t notice, Jake grins, and nods.

—

“Oh, hey! Stop! That’s not fair!” You elbow Jake in the side, but it’s already too late. The hand he’d shot out to block your light gun had done its job, and where you’d previously been neck in neck for score on the dual Time Crisis cabinet, Jake’s character was now cheering in victory, while your screen was asking you to insert more coins and try again.

Jake chortles and you both slot your plastic guns back into their plastic holsters at the front of the machine.

“We never agreed to no interference,” he says proudly, and you sock him in the arm only half as hard as you can.

“I didn’t think it needed to be said!” you exclaim pointedly. Jake grins down at you, and collects his tickets.

“Quit complaining, all these are gonna go towards whatever stuffed bear or whatever the hell you want anyway.” He rolls his eyes, and gestures to the shoddy ‘rewards’ counter of the arcade you’d spotted from the coffee shop.

“I want the Minion.” You state firmly after glancing at the redemption counter for three seconds, and spotting the big ugly yellow creature on the top shelf. Jake sighs in a put-upon manner and shakes his head.

“See, this is how you know I really like you. I’m willing to ignore that,” he says, and you actually think he might be serious this time. You grin up at him as he takes your elbow, and begins leading you toward the back of the room.

“What are you going to cheat me out of kicking your ass at this time?” you glance around you, goosebumps trailing up and down your arm as Jake lets his hand slide from around your elbow, down your forearm and into your hand, which he squeezes as if in warning.

“I didn’t cheat, I simply used black ops tactics,” he says, narrowing his eyes at you. You purse your lips at him and narrow your own eyes back.

“Cheat.” you say again, pronouncing each syllable deliberately.

You come to a stop then, and you look up at the old photo booth machine. Jake pulls out a fistfull of tickets, squinting his eyes at the label with instructions, before looking back over at the redemption counter. He seems to run some numbers before he looks back down at you with a grin, and waves the strings of crumpled tickets.

“My cheating means we can use the booth, and still have enough for a Kevin plush, so I don’t wanna hear no more complaining outta you,” he waggles a finger in front of your nose, and you blink up at him sheepishly.

“Jake– I don’t really want the Minion…” you say, before your voice turns suspicious. “Anyway, how do you know which one is Kevin?!” you lift an eyebrow, only for Jake to roll his eyes and push you into the curtained booth.

You orient yourself in the tiny enclosed space, looking around you as Jake takes a moment to feed several lines of win-tickets into the machine before he follows you. He’s forced to duck down real low, making the space even smaller, and you both stare for a moment at the small seat barely big enough for one person, let alone two.

“Well, either you can sit on my lap, or I can sit on yours, darlin’, but I know which one I’d prefer.” Jake intones lowly, and for the first time in an hour or so, you feel yourself get all flustered again. Honestly, you’d kind of forgotten about the explicitly romantic tone of this meeting until now, and more than that, your stomach begins to flip and flop like the first time you’d gotten in a jet when he eases past you and drops himself onto the bench before patting his thighs.

“Jake, maybe if you just move over a litt–”

“No can do, honey,” and he’s not even trying to tease you, he demonstrates the spread of his legs, and the tight fit into the booth, before looking back up at you expectantly again.

“Okay… Okay…” you say more for your own sanity than anything else, and turn, quickly perching yourself on his leg before you can really think too hard about what you're doing.

Your efforts are for naught though, because the moment you’re sat down, Jake’s hands are tugging you against him further, sitting you more comfortably on the thick expanse of his thigh, and you barely repress the noise that nearly escapes you at the feeling of his fingers digging into your hips.

“There we go, sweetheart,” he says softly, almost to himself, and moves his hands to wrap around you completely. If he notices your little noise, which by his self satisfied smirk he definitely has, he thankfully chooses not to say anything. Your face grows warm, not only at the hold he has on you but at the pet name too.

“Did you just call me ‘sweetheart’?” you ask, sounding half bewildered, half incredulous, forgetting for a moment where exactly you were and why. As you look over your shoulder at the man behind you, Jake stares back, his smirk still in place even as his eyes seem to search your face, his own expression mostly unreadable.

“Would you prefer ‘honey’?” he almost purrs, his voice distinctly amused, but you notice that he doesn’t back down, doesn’t apologise or step back.

It makes your stomach twist up in knots. It makes your heartbeat skip like a record.

You turn away from him, shake your head.

“It’s fine,” you tell him bashfully, wanting to grumble slightly when against your back you sense what you think is him puffing his chest a little. Quickly, you add: “Not at work, though…”

Jake chortles, but as you peek over your shoulder to look at him again, he’s relenting, his smirk gone and replaced with a far softer smile as he nods.

“Not at work, though.” he repeats lowly in confirmation, almost making you jump when he shifts one hand to steady you around the waist, his other reaching out to begin fiddling with the controls on the lit up screen in front of you.

“Alright, let's get this show on the road shall we?”

By the time you’re exiting the tiny cubicle, Jake’s hands still attached to your hips as he follows you out, you’re both laughing quietly to yourselves. You’re amazed to find just how much Jake can affect you, either setting you at complete ease or sending you into a tizzy, depending on what he’s said or done. Usually you wouldn’t be surprised by other people’s effects on you, you were jumpy and anxious by nature, but it was rare that somebody who put you on edge as much as Jake did, could also give you such comfort.

When he detaches his hands from your sides at last to survey the sheets of photos spat out by the booth, you marvel at how much you start to miss the contact. With all the subtlety you can muster, you inch closer to him, under the guise of getting a look at the photos as well, though really, you’re only hoping that you might prompt him into reaching out for you again.

Jake chortles and points at a set of two pictures. In one, you’re both grinning madly, pulling silly faces, and in the other, you’re wearing softer smiles, and you notice now, that Jake had pushed his face a little closer to yours. It makes heat rise in your cheeks, not just at the seeming intimacy of the photo, but truthfully, of how much you like seeing the two of you like that.

“You won’t mind if I keep these, will ya?” Jake asks, looking over at you. You simply shake your head, and he grins a little wider, carefully tearing off the two pictures before pulling out his wallet and tucking them inside, for sake keeping, you assume.

Jake lets you keep the rest, and absently, you fold them into the zipper in your purse, too distracted by the fact that he does indeed take your hand again, before quickly releasing it to instead wrap his arm over your shoulder. You can’t stop yourself from smiling a little as you blink dumbly up at him, and he grins down at you, ducking his face even closer to yours.

“Now sweetheart, I believe I was instructed to win you a minion plush.”

---

Jake’s appearance in the women’s locker room should startle you more than it does. As it stands, you barely even bat an eyelash when you spot him all of a sudden in the mirror behind you, like he was enacting some sort of horror movie jumpscare. It doesn’t really have that effect on you though, his presence nowadays is both common enough and exciting enough that he holds your rapt attention whenever he’s around.

In the mirror behind you, he stands at a casual lean against the row of locker doors, making sure to face you, but also making sure he has the opportunity to rifle through your locker, get a good look at the things you kept in there.

“What are you doing?” you ask, sounding less scolding and more genuinely curious, which is a point against you as far as you’re concerned. You turn from the mirror and move back toward your locker, replacing the small toiletries bag you kept with you inside. Jake doesn’t move a muscle, standing exactly in the same position, which meant that now he was practically leaning over you, crowding your space in that way he did sometimes just to make you flustered.

You were long past the point of it really working though, now you revelled in it just as much as he seemed to, eager for any small moment where you had an excuse to be so close to him. Especially at work.

You blink up at him doe-ishly, finding his gaze exactly where you expected it to be, which is trained on your face. His signature smirk grows slightly as he meets your eye, and your stomach explodes in a flurry of butterflies and fireworks at the way he seems to either consciously or subconsciously lean even further in toward you, completely dwarfing you now. It makes you feel small in the best way possible, and you have to actively work to put aside the thoughts of his big hands at your waist, and other such things that make your legs go all wobbly.

“Say, you don’t happen to have any plans for the fourteenth, do you?” Jake ignores your question entirely, but you’re not bothered by it, too caught up now on his own query.

“The fourteenth?” you ask, a little dumbly, racking your mind for something you may have forgotten, which you know is the correct course of action thanks to the amusement currently playing out on his very handsome features.

“Valentine’s Day?” Jake supplies for you eventually, putting you out of one misery and into another.

“You want to do something on Valentine’s Day?” you’re not sure which part of his suggestion you’re not getting, but you do know that something isn’t quite clicking. Jake’s features soften only slightly, and he bends his face even closer to yours, his eyes flickering down to your lips briefly before back to your eyes.

“Mhmm. If my girlfriend is alright with that?” Jake practically purrs the words, and they reverberate down your spine, making you blink rapidly.

You don’t think you’ll ever get over hearing him call you that, although you do note that he definitely shouldn't be doing it at work, considering none of your friends and colleagues know about the two of you yet.

“Y-yes, she is fine with that…” you reply, doing your best not to sound as lovesick as you felt. Jake lifts an eyebrow and turns his body in toward you even more, almost bringing your chests to touch now.

“Just ‘fine’? Sweetheart, I am hoping to get more of a reaction than that,” he again makes a show of trailing his eyes up and down your face, and you feel yourself swallow thickly.

“After all,” Jake continues, lifting an arm now to rest against the locker above your head, actually crowding your space now. “I believe we had a discussion about exactly how Valentine’s Day would play out, around… four weeks ago?” Jake makes a humming noise, as if he himself didn’t remember clearly, despite everything else about his delivery saying otherwise.

Your lips part ever so slightly as you recall the conversation he’s referring to, a heat crackling over your skin when you realise that, despite you not remembering it until now, this had clearly been something Jake was looking forward to.

You definitely were too, now.

“Thank you, Jake… tonight was really great,” you cringe a little at how scripted the words sound, but when you look up at where Jake stands just behind you, waiting for you to slot your key into your door, he’s only gazing down at you in a way that makes you immediately drop them. The sound makes you jump and turn away, but before you can clumsily begin apologising and scooping them up, Jake takes a slight step forward, never breaking your eye contact even as he swipes your fallen keys from your feet.

He’s right in front of you now, still slightly bowed over so that his face hovers right in front of yours as if by accident, though you know it's anything but. You can’t even bring yourself to move, as much as these dates had you a little off-kilter still, you couldn't deny the fact that your feelings for the man in front of you had been increasing exponentially, in a way that was becoming harder and harder to physically hold back from.

You don’t even mean to, but your eyes drop to his lips for several beats, transfixed until you force yourself to look away again. You part your own lips, getting ready to say something, anything, but Jake sees your wandering gaze for what it is, and doesn’t let you ruin the moment.

Instead, Jake surges forward, the hand not holding your keys moving to cup the side of your face, and at the same time, stands to his full height once more, the space previously still left between you now completely nonexistent as you find yourself pushed up against your door.

You’ve had relationships in the past, but you had never, ever, been kissed like this before, all heat and fire and what you can only describe as desire. However, as that thought sets in, you find that oddly, it doesn’t fluster you like you think it should, or would have. In fact, for the first time in a really long time, you don't feel any of your normal anxieties or nerves. Everything is replaced by the knowledge that Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin is currently pressing his body against yours, his hands carefully starting to roam a little and how much you want everything that that strong grip of his promises.

Unfortunately, that's when the one useful anxiety you have left returns to you, and just as always, you can’t bring yourself to ignore it like you so badly wish you could.

It takes only a slight push against Jake’s chest for him to pull away from you, though it's as though he can’t bring himself to go far at all. He stares down at you, lips kiss-swollen and his face so close still that you swear if he blinks, you’ll feel his lashes brush your cheek.

“What’s wrong?” Jake’s voice is incredibly gravely and rough and the sound of it alone is almost enough to push you back in toward him.

“I’m sorry– I just–” the rising panic in your voice makes Jake shift again, though he still doesn’t detach himself from you entirely, he does move his hands to rest on your shoulders.

“We– We work together, and I don’t do this often–ever, actually, and I just don’t want to get into something where we can’t come back from, because I’m actually really starting to like you, a lot, and I know this is a thing normal people totally do all the time– sleep together I mean– but you’re just so– and I’m– and I–”

“Hey, it’s alright, calm down,” Jake’s stern ‘work’ voice startles you a bit, but just like always, he seems to know exactly what it is you need. You blink up at him, realising you’re clinging tightly to his forearms, and he’s looking down at you with so much concern and care you could almost just start crying.

“It’s alright, Miri,” Jake continues after a moment, lifting one hand from your shoulder to cup your cheek again. You stare at him, your brows furrowing into a frown.

“Alright? You’re not– you don’t mind that I don’t want to sleep with you?”

Jake’s lips quirk, and he rolls his eyes a little.

“Miri, the only thing I want more than to take you inside and continue this with far less clothing, is for you to want that too. So, no, I don’t mind.”

You keep staring up at him, unsure of how to proceed now, but once again, Jake swoops in.

“You want to give it time?” he asks, earning a nod from you, but you suddenly feel the need to reassure him of your own affections.

“Just to be clear, this isn’t me not wanting to have sex with you!” you state quickly, earning a somewhat confused frown from the man still cupping your cheek. “I mean, I do, that’s not an issue, my problem is specifically just… rushing into this, when we work together. Our jobs are so high-stress as it is, I just think it would be better to… I’m not sure, ease into it I guess…”

You’re glad you made a point of explaining yourself, because Jake’s face flashes with brief understanding, and his approach seems to switch tact.

“Well…” he clears his throat. “That’s still alright, but it does make it a whole lot harder to resist, I have to tell you,” you know he’s only half serious, but the way he looks at you in the dim lighting of your porch sends your insides twisting and curling.

“So… when do you think it will stop being ‘too soon’?” Jake asks lightly, but you do think it’s an entirely fair question given that you are asking him to wait for you.

“A few weeks? I’m not sure, I just…” you trail off, but watch as Jake appears to do some mental maths, and then his face lights up, his grin pulling his lips in a rather distracting way.

“Valentine's Day?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.

Before you can verbally agree, his mood seems to shift, and he’s leaning in a little closer again, lowering his voice. “I’ll take you out, real fancy, suit and tie dress code, you’ll get to wear something slinky and I’ll pretend the way I keep touching you is an accident all night.”

Your breath catches in your throat as Jake crowds in closer to you as he speaks, looking over you as if the things he’s describing were visible to him right now.

“Then, I’ll take you back to mine, maybe I’ll be presumptuous and buy you some lacy little underthings to wear for me, and–” He seems to snap out of the intensity all of a sudden, smirking down at you and cocking his head at your dazed and almost drooling expression.

“Well, the rest is a secret, but for now, let's just pencil all that in, hmn?”

“S-so, what did you have planned?” you bite your lip a little and reach past him to grab a scrunchie from your locker, but before you can slip it onto your wrist, Jake takes it off of your and begins combing your hair back himself. You stand and watch him dumbly as he does, already blanking out when his fingers seem to tighten ever so slightly as he gathers a ponytail at the base of your neck, and tugs.

You almost let out a pitiful little sound at the feeling, but unfortunately you aren’t able to control the fluttering of your eyes the same way. Jake smirks above you as he slips the scrunchie off his wrist and secures your hair into a somewhat regulation bun, all the while still grinning down at you. You want to tell him to screw valentines day and screw you now, but you manage to keep your mouth shut long enough for him to answer your question.

“I’ve already told you too much. Just be ready by seven. Wear something slinky for me, yeah?” he murmurs, letting his hands fall from the back of your head to your waist where he pulls you in.

“Alright,” you confirm, mind already wandering to what on earth you had in your closet right now that would fit the bill of ‘slinky’ and deciding that you were probably going to have to go shopping.

“Don’t worry about the lacy things,” Jake says softly, lips now ghosting over yours as he speaks, though he hasn’t broken your eye contact once yet. “I’ve already got that covered.” He says, making you go blank again.

The thought, no, the mere idea that Jake has bought you lingerie to wear, and that he wanted to see you in it, makes you want to vibrate right out of the room, and possibly several times around the planet, but you manage to resist, and instead just swallow heavily, and nod.

Jake grins wide, no longer smirking cheekily, his smile is nothing but warmth now, and you can’t help but mirror it.

“Great,” he says, giving your waist a squeeze, and you a tiny peck on the lips before he pulls away. “Now, I gotta get outta here before I get court-martialed.”

You snort as he spins on his heel and heads toward the door, but turns back and gives you a lazy salute and wink before he leaves.

When you’re certain that he’s gone, you let out a sigh and fall back against your locker, your heart thumping wildly along in your chest as you mull over your upcoming plans. The thought of shopping enters your mind once again, and you hum to yourself. Reaching for your throne, you shoot off a text to your group chat with Phoenix and Halo, and hope they won’t ask too many questions about your Valentine’s plans.

[pseudoartistpostsstuff]

Ik you said you’re on break but that’s okay! I can wait lmao

I’m obsessed with your yandere lu writings. I would love a yandere Time x fem reader where he like extra creeps on reader? I’m talking like spying on them n shit and maybe stealing an article of clothing just bc it smells like them

Lord help me that sounds so weird

Why am I like this

Help

Thank you so much for requesting for my boy Time!

Notes: No no I like your way of thinking, give me your worst. Me, personally, I can be way worse than that lol

In fact, I may have accidentally made this creepier than I meant to, idk

By the way, when I said underpants in this I meant those white pants thing Link uses, which is probably called tights or something, but I didn't want you guys to read this and imagine reader with, like, fishnets by accident lmao

Time has anxiety and I'll not elaborate

I was gonna post this tomorrow, but ya know

TWs: Yanderism, stalking, suggestiveness, clothing stealing.

Yandere! LU! Time x Reader

In a way, Time was like a cat.

There was no way you could just ignore random articles of your clothes going missing every time you went to bath.

No matter where you went to clean yourself, it was like one part of your outfit was picked out by hand and evaporated, be it your undershirt, underpants, socks, and sometimes even your underwear!

You tried everything to prevent it, hiding your clothes, setting up traps… You only drew the line when it came to anything to do with poison, since you couldn't bear to possibly end up killing an innocent animal just for the sake of clothes.

Even if said clothes somehow always ended up randomly returning unscathed to the rest of your laundry.

Time and time again, this topic was brought up in conversations with the men you traveled alongside. Yet, for some reason, the matter was also time and time again swept under the rug. It never got solved, neither did it ever get discussed, more often than not.

Starkly different from your point of view, Time found it pretty cute how you got all fussy over some little clothes, clothes which he could easily just make you throw away and buy new ones, it's not like he was lacking the rupees for it, after all.

Yet, he couldn't find it within himself to keep pressing on that matter, not when you looked just so embarrassed protesting against the idea of throwing away your under clothes, stressing about how comfortable your clothes were and about how they were your favorite because of that exact reason.

From what he's noticed, you barely ever wore anything else, no matter how many clothes they could offer you, which was proof of just how much you adored that outfit, each part that composed it having been carefully thought out before being picked out by your hand back when they first went to the market to look for an appropriate Hyrulean attire for you.

It was more than obvious by now that you weren't planning on getting rid of it any time soon.

Still, despite all your best attempts to keep your clothes safe, you couldn't really stop them from randomly disappearing, that is, unless you stopped bathing, and that was something you obviously couldn't even consider doing.

So, you simply sighed with resolution as you took off your clothes to once again go into the river next to the camp, wanting to wash off any grime that may have rubbed on you from the last battle the Links went through before you guys left for the next village.

A little ways down in the same river, you knew the other men were washing themselves, that way, a scream would be all they needed know to come over to help you, should anything happen.

Not that anything had ever happened to you while you were bathing.

You kind of felt like you were being watched, but then again, you learned to not pay attention to that, after all, your brain always seemed to like playing tricks on you, be it making you think you saw the shadows in the corner of your eye moving, or strange noises coming from bushes, all of which always proved to be absolutely nothing at all. Especially the strangely distinctive smell of Time rubbing off on your clothes...

Besides, whenever you looked around yourself to see if your senses were correct, you'd only be able to hear the calm silence of the river waters, almost as if the fish itself held back from swimming every time you tensed up.

The regular calming ambiance noises returned when you finally stopped being paranoid, going back to washing yourself with a relieved sigh, knowing the feeling of being watched was just a product of your tricky mind.

Sound doesn't travel much underwater. Should it be sounds of heavy breathing, sounds of something much larger than the river fish swimming, or even the heavy sounds of metal boots sinking into the sandy floor of the river with every step their wearer took.

Time observed with certain amusement as you walked around the shallow part of the river, your head just above the surface, your feet dangling dangerously near the deeper part. One wrong step and you could risk drowning.  

However, you seemed to be having fun while cleaning yourself, enjoying the cool, clean water. The elder, though, was having his own fun watching you.

He had to give it to you though, no matter what you did, your movements were always so captivating to him. He had already seen a lot in his life, many races, creatures and even monsters. Yet you had such a… Human way of behaving. Even if humans were so alike hylians, you still seemed different in a way, a very good way in his eyes.

What was even more interesting to him was the fact that you were still different from the other humans he'd met through his life.

More often than not your actions were unpredictable and random, not at all serious, it was like you somehow weren't very phased after getting kicked out of whatever universe you originally belonged in and into another. An universe that was extremely dangerous and distinct from yours. His universe.

You were very, very far from your home, yet he could still see some of it in the way you spoke, behaved and reacted to the things and beings around you.

Sometimes, he'd catch himself becoming infatuated again with the stuff that he was already used to, simply because you seemed so surprised and excited by them. 

Things he saw in his everyday life and just happened to ignore. Places, people, animals, creatures, plants, you name it. You gave him a renewed view of life, the whole "enjoy the small things in life" a concept so simple that still managed to make him feel truly alive again.

When he was with you he felt like Hylia and the Golden Goddesses themselves were paying him back for all heroic deeds he performed. In his eyes, you saved him.

In no time, watching the stars with you became a new routine, you were always so interested in them, yet still didn't seem to mind when he preferred to do something else, as to avoid looking at the moon.

Therefore, counting and catching fireflies was the next best thing.

And before he even noticed, he had bought an extra satchel at the market just so he could collect and buy those things that reminded him of you, things he noticed you pointing out whenever you saw. Pretty rocks, shiny crystals, colorful shells, and even those silly little trinkets that, in his eyes were useless, yet brought happiness to yours.

You'd even managed to make him blush the other day, when you told him he was acting like a cat, placing gifts by your bedroll at night, while you were asleep.

Yes, you made him blush. Him, The elder, The Hero Of Time that was also The leader their group, a group made up of the strongest men known in the history of Hyrule.

But, in a way, you were actually correct. 

Cats are very attached to their favorite person, enough to follow them around and watch them do the most simple things, like sleeping, or bathing.

He didn't feel like admitting to those things though, especially not to stealing your clothes.

At first, he assured himself that he was doing all that watching just to make sure you were safe, after all, bathing time was the only moment of the day when you were “fully alone” or so you thought. Time would never forgive himself if you accidentally got hurt because of his lack of attention to you, even if the “hurt” in question was merely a scratch on your knee from accidentally slipping while bathing.

He knew better than anyone that too much peace meant something bad could happen at any time, and too little peace was even worse! Therefore, there was no middle ground, you needed to be protected at all times. And the fact he also got a little fun out of guarding you didn't hurt anyone. After all, what the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel.

He didn't even try lying to himself about stealing your clothes, he wasn't that delusional, after all, liking your smell didn't sound like too good of an excuse to tell you, should you find out about that little habit of his.

In a way, he wasn't even hidden right now, per say, he was just not in plain view. 

In fact, sometimes even hoped you saw him, so that he'd be able to stop just watching and join you already.

After all, you wouldn't be able to get hurt if he was right there beside you, right?

Let him keep pretending that's the only reason he wanted to join you in the bath.

[hackedmotionsensors]

this is personal so please don't reblog this bc I think its weird when I say personal stuff and people reblog it I feel like i shouldn't have to turn that setting on?? Lol

but...both of my parents are seniors. And neither one of them are doing very well health wise. My mom has nerve issues with her hand, diabetes and bad blood pressure, and has had multiple heart attacks, My dad had a fall and never really recovered and had some weird medical problems that we thought were strokes but they never confirmed it. He also got covid at the hospital for those problems so THANKS arizona hospitals

Anyway I get all that. And I wish i could help or be around more. But unfortunately my job (unless we get some cool changes in the agreement) require me to live in LA. I also LIKE living in LA (surprisingly with how much I hate traffic LOL)

But I always get SO STRESSED OUT during the holidays bc I visit them and I need to cross reference with my brother (but again he might not even CARE or be aware that this is happening bc...he just...kinda doesn't care when it happens and I DO see it). I need to ask him or his wife if this happens when I'm NOT here because I have a feeling it gets WORSE when I visit.

But each time I visit my mom finds a way to be a complete and utter bitch at my dad. And my dad IS frustrating. I totally get it. He's always been really frustrating but now its like...frustrating bc he does things that could endanger himself or chooses ways to not make things easier for himself out of pride or just being a senior and not wanting to admit stuff? Idk. I know its a fairly common thing. He also got phone scammed a few months back out of 7k$ and we all were like WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. He doesn't even like paying for COFFEE or good food for himself but LIED TO THE BANK to take out the money when they were like "This sounds like a scam sir" .....SO I GET IT. TRUST ME I GET IT.

But Thanksgiving was mostly good! Last Christmas (lol) I was stressed myself bc I was out of a job for a whole year and had to prep for a con and my car was on its last legs and like I said I just...get stressed LOL Its why i always drive. If I need to bail I absolutely will. Our family has NEVER been good during holidays. Its a lot of abused and abusive people with varying levels of addictions or mental illnesses (is it ANXIETY acting up this year? Or adhd induced RAGE from being overwhelmed! Has someone had TOO MUCH WINE and decided instead of being silly that they want to FIGHT!??! WHO CAN SAY!?!? ITS ANYONE'S GUESS!!!)

And Mom was just RELENTLESS last year. ANYTHING my dad did was a problem. ANYTHING he did...EXISTING...in a place he wasn't supposed to was like...a huge slight against her and because I had the audacity to be like "Mom relax. He's not doing anything" it meant I wasn't on her side or was insulting her or SOMETHING. And it completely blew out between me and her to the point she called my sister crying to try and be like LYDIA'S BEING HORRIBLE AND HATES ME ND SHE CALLED ME A BITCH(which I didn't but i VERYYYY nearly did because she was being a bitch) and like ...my sister is YOUNGER THAN ME LMAO. So my sister texted me like "what happened??" and I told her and she was like...AH. Okay I get it. Because my mom USED to live with her too but she pitched a fit at her and decided to basically run away from living with my sister and move in with her cousin. Then she left there (which honestly seemed the most stable?) and moved in with her sister. And she hated that too.(Running theme in this family is that my aunt is an ACTUAL bitch and I've known that since she came into the bathroom one time when I was sitting on the toilet bc I ran past her on the way into the house bc i REALLY had to pee and she came INTO the bathroom to scream at me for being rude.......but anyway) And then she ended up moving back in with my dad (They aren't married its just...basically roommates LMAO)

She hated living with my brother. My mom is like me. She's basically like a beta fish. She'll just bite the shit out of anything in her tank. I used to live with her and hated it.

LOL OKAY ANYWAY LONG STORY BUT basically....it was a fairly good holiday this time in comparison. I also left after a single day lol Bc I hate thanksgiving to begin with. Not 100% related to my family. I just think the holiday is stupid and pre-gaming christmas and a huge waste of money for someone who travels bc I'm gonna see all these maniacs in three weeks anyway.

I also had a deadline so I had a really good excuse to dip. Thank god.

But bc my parents helped me last year a lot I was like Let me do something REALLY minimal and take y'all out to breakfast. And on the way there my mom is sitting in the back seat behind my dad. My dad uses a cane but she doesn't like sitting in the front anyway. But she was sitting behind him and suddenly 'THE CAR SMELLS'.

Me genuinely thinking something was wrong like maybe I left the travel jerky i bought to eat on the way open. Or maybe I randomly smelled. Its a new car but I'm so used to my old car than anything potentially a problem is a stressor. But no. It was a not subtle way of bitching about my dad. And I was like....okay whatever let it go. Dad didn't say anything so lets just ignore it. Its only another hour or so. And then we get to the restaurant we were going to. My dad and I both get eggs and I ask if she can pass the ketchup. She hands ME the ketchup no problem. Then my dad uses it and sets it on the table. Pretty normal.

This is a thing ~I~ like to do. I like to put the condiments back in the holder thingies. Its not a deal breaker but its like...just a thing. Why have another thing in the way when we can put the ketchup back. So I can't reach it so I'm like "Mom can you tuck this back into the thing" "No. I don't want germs".

I knew exactly what she was doing and was like "Just put it back. I like to put them back." "NO. Its dirty. People touch it"

By this point the vein in my forehead is already throbbing. I go FINE. ITS FINE. I know exactly who you mean. And honestly I'm sure my dad does too and is just.....getting through it. I KNOW she's trying to rile ME up. She picks like a little fly at my dad all the time and its not to get a rile out of him bc she knows he won't really do anything about it. Unless she's hoping he'll blow up eventually and die. IDK (It might not be that drastic BUT Y'NEVER KNOW!!!)

So I let it go. And then she does that thing that bullys or abusers or idk what to even call this but she's done it to me HER WHOLE LIFE. She starts trying to act cute. "Can I have a bite of your eggs Lilly <3"

me "No. I don't want germs"

And now mom is mad. Not a total blow out but I know she's pissed at that. And I don't want this to totally melt down so i offer her the eggs if she really wants but she's already in a snit. THANKFULLY!!!!!!!!!! it blows over. Probably due it it being a massive carb bomb after yesterday's carb bomb. So before we head out I'm like Can you put the ketchup back now? I wanna put the syrup back too. SHE HUFFS. GOES "FINE" and picks it up as if it was covered in dog shit by the tip of her fingers.

AND I AM SCREAMING IN MY HEAD

THAT THIS IS WORSE THAN CHILDREN. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW. And she goes back into 1) doing NOT SO SUBTLE jabs at my dad. Using old insults she's always used but not SAYING its because my dad touched it but that PEOPLE touched it. BITCH YOU TOUCHED IT FIRST AND THEN ATE YOUR FOOD. She only washed her hands before eating bc she went to the bathroom AND she never wears a mask. You give two fucks about germs.

And then she has the audacity to say to me "THATS WHAT WAITRESSES ARE FOR"

which is A HUGE FUCKING TRIGGER FOR ME BC I USED TO WORK IN SERVICE. AND SO DOES SHE. IT DOESN'T ~MATTER~ WHAT THEIR JOB DESCRIPTION IS. IT HURTS ~NO~ ~ONE~ to pick up after yourself A LITTLE. Its just putting the ketchup BACK in the FUCKING CONTAINER. ALSO. WE VISIBLY SAW HOW SWAMPED THEY WERE. Its Black Friday they were hauling ass that day and we didn't end up waiting SO long but it was definitely a wait bc of how busy it was. So you're gonna make this lady who was ONLY NICE TO US. Didn't charge me an extra coffee bc I'm a mad lass who had a latte and a black coffee lmao AND She was Latina. Was there not some....Latina togetherness!??! HELLO!??? Very Mexican't mom. (we're not Mexican lmao)

And then on the drive home god I don't even remember exactly what it was bc the blood was in my ears and I was just trying to get them home so i could leave. She said something else that was VERY POINTEDLY about my dad and called it "PEOPLE" again. Like he's not stupid cmon man.

Like just for NO REASON. NOTHING my dad did had anything to really set her off on this. She was just being MEAN to be MEAN. And she KNOWS i hate it.

When i grew up I was always a lot closer to my dad and I can empathize with that. But...idk man we just had more in common? Even if she wasn't working super hard to make ends meet and he was middle class like I GET IT.

But there's resentment and just being a fucking bitch for no reason.

And again this is not to say like Oh my dad the poor uwu old man always getting beat up wah wah wah. Bc again he does a LOT to frustrate me on like...a blood pressure exploding way. But for him its just like...why would you DO THAT. Like we were in the middle of a walk with the family (my brothers family and me and the parents) and he goes OH YEAH LYDIA I MEANT TO SAY....You owe me money for the phone. Which was so fucking embarassing like why would you SAY THAT!?!?! Like i was so frustrated and like ugh. LOL And a thing my mom gets at my dad about is she's like "I SEE SENIORS ALL THE TIME OLDER THAN YOUR DAD THAT RUN MARATHONS" or whatever nonsense. And I'm like mom YOU can't even run a marathon or do half the thing these people say but also SOME PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT!?!?!? My dad had a pretty bad fall a while back and never really recovered from it. So its really frustrating when he CARRIES AROUND HIS CANE or chooses to not bring it with him...and he just...doesn't use it. Like literally I was like Dad you have to USE your cane to stand up and walk not just carry it around like a purse. "Its a psychological thing more than anything" *cue me bursting all the blood vessels in my brain* and my mom being like SEE!? I have to deal with this ALL THE TIME. *shakes desk* BUT YOU MAKE THINGS WORSE BY BEING A BITCH AT THE SAME TIME AGHHHHHHH

I just....genuinely wish I had normal parents and a normal holiday get together instead of dreading the end of the year that its something I HAVE to do because I genuinely love these people but the drive back my chest hurt, my head hurt, my throat hurt from ranting in my car my JAW hurt from clenching it from stress.

Like at this rate I'm gonna die before they do holy shit. And I think also because they're seniors and in bad health that I worry about them at the same time because....its not fair to either of them that they had to end up moving in together (It ends I think in march thankfully) and because they're seniors that I know...well this could be the last holiday i spend with them. So I make the effort, risk the covid and just go visit them when i can. But holy fucking shit.

lmao my mom LITERALLY just called me now like MY GODDDDDD LMAO HOW DID SHE KNOWWWWWW

[donnabenevientosimpingzone]

🔫

Can I have more Donna headcanons plz. I'm a lonely lesbian who loves fiction female Italians

Lmao I got plenty<3

- y’all probably know I interpret her pretty differently. She’s a lot stronger and independent than the normal but she’s still a super anxious and shy individual. She’s a beautiful paradox I cannot begin to describe.

- She’s high functioning depressed and autistic. On the surface she’s someone who has order and routine- who can handle being at meetings with others and talk to people as equals- but spend enough time with her and you’ll see that she will just lay in bed and not get out. That she thinks herself as smaller than others.

- Angie is a side of herself she’s stored away, the memories and personality Donna had with Claudia. In order to keep that final happiness, all those memories are stored in Angie and has influenced the doll to be the way she is.

- Donna has never experimented with her powers to know their full capabilities. Even the concept that she can cause nightmarish hallucinations to kill someone without raising a blade terrifies her.

- She has an accent that comes through when she’s tired or just not thinking about it. Sometimes it’s so heavy that even she’ll jump at the sound of her own voice.

- Cursed solely in Italian. Angie’s the one that says “fuck” and Donna can live through her.

- Donna cannot take full control of Angie, just heavily influence her- if Angie doesn’t want to do something then Donna can’t force her hand. It rarely happens though.

- On uncommon days she’ll walk through her woods around the manor with Angie. Her anxiety, esteem, and motivation must all line up but every time she doesn’t regret it and comes home with a sense of peace.

- A horrible fidget when she’s not aware of it. During meetings or talks or anything that her brain is running anxiety on- she’s still as stone. But at home, she’ll speak to Angie with her mind unable to focus on one thing. Her hands will play with her hair, tug at her dress, tap against a teacup- head swaying to watch strands of hair swish in and out of her vision- feet shuffling against the floor, picking at scabs or the peeling skin beneath her fingernails- just to name a few. You’d have to be very close to her to see any of it in action for yourself though.

- Existentially stuck in the past. Although she’s aware of the present and what the future may hold- she’s constantly thinking about the past, comparing it, using it to determine what person she is. Getting close to her is a difficult task when the past still haunts her and controls her.

- During episodes of breakdowns where she just does not want to live like this anymore, she’ll pick and pull at the Cadou infesting her eye. Cursing it for keeping her alive.

- Her anger manifests in two ways; a depressive self hatred that causes her to coil in on herself- where she feels guilty for being angry at all and tells herself over and over to just suck it up, it’s not a big deal- or an expressed destruction where she loses majority of control over her powers and dolls run rampant.

- Her sadness is a building cycle. She’ll get upset at something and cry, but absolutely hate herself for it and scold herself for being weak, which then makes her feel worse, and she’ll continue this cycle until she’s exhausted and just can’t cry anymore.

- She’s a mix of self loathing and self love. On one hand she will destroy any mirror she sees her reflection in and go days punishing herself for simply existing, but on the other hand she really does want to love herself. It manifests as a weird ball of complex feelings- she could be proud of an accomplishment but also feel shit that it isn’t the number one best accomplishment ever- and that she’s a fool for being happy about it. Yet she keeps it around, calling upon it as a comfort… even if at the same time it brings her pain.

- Simultaneously wants romance and affection but also absolutely terrified by it. She’ll read the books and let her creativity run wild, surprisingly a hopeless romantic, but if it’s even an inch close to her in reality- she’ll rather run.

- She’s on the autistic spectrum to mistake normal, platonic affection as romantic. Hell even if she doesn’t have feelings for that person- she’ll gaslight herself to “catch feelings.” In the past, she’s fucked up a relationship that way- becoming an aggressively toxic person for the attention, affection- wanting the person only for herself and herself only- and unknowingly manipulating them to fulfill that selfish, unconscious desire. She’s realized her mistake months after, and has become much more reserved and mindful because of it.

- A sponge for knowledge. She’s a big ole nerd, loves anything to do with science, has little mock research she’ll do with her own garden that’ll tickle her. While she herself is more on botany, Angie ends up soaking in more zoology, both of their knowledge combined is beyond impressive.

- She feels music very deeply in her heart. Doesn’t matter if it’s instrumentals or with lyrics, it resonates with her strongly and she has strong attachment to particular songs based on memories, feeling, and hope.

- Sleeps with some sort of noise- white noise, music, the rain- sleeping in complete silence unnerves her.

- Wakes up to Angie screaming in her face every morning. Wouldn’t have it any other way<3

- Angie eats and drinks in small amounts, the Cadou is still a parasite that needs substance, but since it’s a part of Donna’s Cadou- Donna can sometimes feel the effects of what Angie eats. Woman could be taking a stroll and suddenly taste dirt cuz Angie ate shit chasing a squirrel.

- Protective of the remaining eye. The Cadou took away the sight in the eye it infects so Donna has learned to deal with challenged depth perception. She’ll often reach for things too far right or left if she ever got full vision back.

- Silent walker without even meaning to be. She also somehow manages to silently run (if she is on the unique occasion to jog through the woods).

- Doesn’t sweat easily. Her body is already naturally pretty cold so any form of workout will need to be pretty long/intense for her to start sweating.

- She is aware her body (especially at the ends) is pretty cold. She refuses to give anyone hand shakes because she’s secretly Elsa and will freeze yo’ ass.

- Angie jokes that Donna stands in the sun to photosynthesize, rather than to warm herself up like some kinda sunbathing lizard.

- Surprisingly very warm during the winter, Donna’s an ice pack in the summer and a heat pack in the winter.

- No she doesn’t know why either wheeze.

- On the few occasions she’s free from her anxieties- Donna is quite chaotic. She used to be the prankster of the family and still has part of that alive within her- Angie especially has to be the victim of said pranks (but she loves it no matter how loudly she complains)

- Doesn’t like to have pictures of herself taken, but Donna does have a rare few in-the-moment photos she adores.

[sanemisstalker]

c-can you elaborate on giyu’s everything? and if you’d like i can add some of my own n we can compare n contrast and delve into the hashira’s kinks together

I would love to elaborate on Giyu's everything :) I love Giyu and his weird little ass, please tell me about yours!!!

original post referenced : https://www.tumblr.com/sanemisstalker/725058530729721856/gyomei?source=share

Not including CW because it's a kink/fetish list. The list is the warning lmao.

Daddy kink (Giving/Recieving)-

I think Giyu, on the once in a blue moon occasion where he likes to feel dominate, likes to also feeling caring. Likes to feel like he's capable of taking care of you, a provider, and such a title just- rings to him for that.

I also think Giyu likes to feel cared for, and above Master and Domme, I think he just prefers Daddy. It's not like a DDLG thing, I think he just- wants to hear the word because it sounds just a little taboo. Wants to be able to space out for just a moment and give you control over him in every way.

Omorashi (recieving)

I think Giyu probably had an incident when he was younger, and it formed a humiliating anxiety that made him more prone to holding his bladder. He grew out of the habit with age, but really really likes having his bladder out sourced.

Loves the feeling it gives him to hold, to have a watchful eye telling him when he can and can't go- even worse is that you're prone to this behavior in public.

Humiliation-

I think, similarly, Giyu likes being humiliated. Specifically in a display case way. Likes having his cock berated, and his body shamed for its basic needs and natural appearance.

However, similarly, I think he's a little prone to sadism in this regard. Once again, the blue moon where he does dominate, I think he's prone to some... particularly teasing and ... unpresentable requests. Like to make you cum while doing or saying really embarassing things-

Cum-

I think he likes to be bukkaked specifically. Squirt, semen- I think he likes his own cum being spewed in his own face more than anything- even better in his mouth.

Anal (Recieving)-

Giyu likes having his prostate stimulated, but he doesn't know what that's called, so he just subsides to anal as a whole. He loves the feeling of having both his cock stroked, and his ass fucked. It's borderline euphoric and dissociative for him. The feeling of something ramming into him again and again, hard, harder is just the best.

Really really stir up his insides, he was made to take- to be fucked. Remind him of his place.

Fellatio-

I think Giyu likes the way mouths feel around his dick, and I think he likes sucking dick, because it's one of the ways he can get his partner off without having to fear sex dissatisfaction from the other party.

Praise/Degradation -

I think Giyu likes being called a good boy, a sweet boy, a smart boy, any kind of boy- it makes him feel like he's lost all responsibility for everything bad ever. He likes being told how handsome he is, and how good he is at taking dick, or being fucked (Loves to hear about how that's his real purpose. How his only real role is to be a fleshlight, and how good he is at it.)

He also loves being called a whore, a slut, a urinal. Loves being reffered to as 'Dumb' and 'braindead'.

Tries his best to praise back regardless of the situation, or how fucked out he is. Will always be praising your thrusts or the weight of your hips ramming down on him.

Forced exhibitionism (recieving)-

I think Giyu likes to be put on display, but can never verbally admit to this more than once, so he prays and prays and prays you hear it the first time it comes out of his mouth because he will never have the gaul to ask for something like this again.

Feels very inhumane under other people's eyes, especially when they're on his privates. Likes getting fucked and hearing the group watching talk about how he's taking it so good, or ignoring him completely so he's forced to do something humiliating to get attention back on him. To get their 'respect' back.

Loves seeing people with pussies finger themselves to the sight of him getting fucked. It drives him absolutely wild.

Dub/non-con (recieving)-

Doesn't always like having a choice. He often conflicts on the idea, feels like he isn't good enough or doesn't deserve sex, so he really appreciates someone forcing pleasure on him. It makes him think way less and makes everything so much easier for him in the long run, because Giyu can't always muster up the ability to feel good. Can't always muster up and erection no matter how bad he wants to-

Being used in that capacity feels almost comforting, knowing he can still do things even if he doesn't always have the will to.

He also has a very short conversation about it, I think. Explaining to his partner that he does want to be coerced. Does want them to push his boundaries because he wants them, all the time, sometimes the void just wants him more. His safe word would be something very silly, to make the both of you laugh a little and raise the mood- so he won't feel bad for not being able to please.

I also think Giyu loves black out sex. Getting shit faced and not remembering what happened to him- It let's him imagine that he, in some capable world, had no inhibitions.

Also really likes thinking about what was done to him.

Forced Bisexuality-

I put this for both Sanemi and Giyu and I fullforce stand by the fact that they both really like sucking dick, but do not want to admit to it.

I wrote that polycule thing about them a while ago, and I stand firm by it. I think specifically for Giyu it's less about him being into men (he is a little bit into guys, Sanemi is very into guys) and more about being dominated on a masculine level. Giyu likes how it feels to take the sexual brunt. Having a loving partner guide his lips to the cock of another man, or finger him open for a man to take- feeling the cum drip out after he's been used.

The thought makes Giyu's stomach do flips. The thought of liking such rough treatment.

Fingering-

I think Giyu likes to watch people with pussies finger themselves. He doesn't get the same from asses- He really likes seeing a pussy contract around fingers, loves feeling it, too. I think he's really talented with his hands.

Spit-

I think he likes being treated poorly, and spitting in his mouth/at his face will get him into that headspace immediately.

Submission-

While I believe he's capable of typical vanilla sex, and occasional Domination, I believe Giyu is a submissive at heart.

Shorter than him-

I think Giyu naturally finds people shorter than him cute. Good, praisable height to be at. A good head pat height. Good cuddle height (contrary to all, he likes to be big spoon. Being little spoon makes him feel trapped- prefers if you both just hugged and cuddled with your head to his chest)

But also, Good fuck height. Great fuck height, even. You look good on his dick, and you look great in him, making him feel smaller than he is. It's a win win.

[bau-drabbles]

masterlist/faq 💗

hi, i'm lia :) i really hope you enjoy reading these!! some of these might not make sense (written mainly at 12am lmao) so i do apologise if there's any mistakes/rushed. it will constantly updated so if there are any mistakes please don't hesitate to let me know 🤍

i'm always down to make new friends, please don't be shy to say hi or message!! :") i'd love to make new cm mutuals here ✨

requests/asks/drabbles/concepts are open!

i currently write for spencer reid and aaron hotchner but i'm not opposed to writing for the others, please feel free to ask. and if you'd like to be tagged for something specific or just in general, let me know <3 :)

mdni with any smut posts!! this blog is 18+ :)

spencer reid 🧸

best friends: fluff

meeting each other for the first time but he's completely entranced by you. much to your displeasure

say it again: fluff

being sick on a plane is never fun but your boyfriend is there to comfort you every step of the way

baby steps: fluff

the stars are beautiful but so is spencer reid, you have a hard time hiding the latter

keep me in your orbit, you'll know you drag me under: angst

it's simply much safer not to feel, not to let the world touch you at all. especially him

safety net: fluff

being in love is hard but spencer makes it all worthwhile

dancing with your ghost: angst

maeve's death affected spencer relationship with you more than realised, he just didn't know the true extent of it until jj points it out

whispered promises: angst

change is never easy, especially saying goodbye

request/asks:

do you like how i look? or just how i look on you?: angst

it's not easy having having relationship problems, especially when it stems from a woman he's loved for so long

only 1: angst

break ups are hard when you know deep down, you're not his one.

are you ashamed of me?: angst

loving spencer from afar is much easier than seeing him as he is.

insecurities: angsty fluff

spencer makes a comment a little too hurtful and it takes everything in you not to break down

soft moments with spencer: fluff

you find out your boyfriend is extra prone to accidents when he's away from you

struggles after prison: angsty fluff

prison was extremely rough, especially with self love and confidence but he's so lucky to have you by his side throughout it all

aaron hotchner 🦋

haunted, part 2: angst

emily, one of your close friends in the bau, comes back and after months of crying over her death you're not sure how to feel. it hurts the most when the deception also comes from aaron, the man you've loved for so long

the night we met, part 2: angst

what if haley never died that day? but what if your love for hotchner had to?

change your mind: angst

leaving the bau was difficult but leaving the man who holds your heart is even more worse.

goodnight n go: fluff/implied smut

drunk reader with oblivious/love struck aaron, the best type of mix

love me harder: smut

jealousy look good on hotch, so you've learned

requests/asks:

too many nights: angst

hotch loosing you because he's too stubborn, only realising how much you mean when you walk out of his life

you can tell me anything: fluff

having a sugar rush before bed is never a good idea. but your darling boyfriend will always entertain you

written in the stars: angst

being unable to be with hotch because of enemies but hotch is only complete and whole when he's with you

valentines day: fluff

spoiling aaron on valentines day <3

anxiety: fluff

hotch teaching you it's okay to be anxious, you're not alone anymore. you have him and the team

greedy for love: smut

your man is very stubborn but it's not an issue, you're an equal tease

making sounds: smut

aarons many sounds he makes in bed ;)

tender kisses: nsfw/fluff

small kisses with our beloved unit chief

saying goodbye: smut/angst

angsty emotional smut with aaron, clinging on to the reader before saying goodbye

hand in hand: fluff

running on a field hand in hand with your beautiful man, carefree and happy

picnics: fluff

a sweet picnic with the hotchner boys

soft hotch picnics: fluff

another picnic date with the hotch boys :)

aftercare: smut

how would aftercare look like with aaron hotchner? ;)

soft moments with hotch: fluff

staying back at the office and spending your evening in his company is a beautiful way to end the day

sweetest oblivion: angst

maybe hotchner isn't meant for you in this life

falling apart: angst. tw: implied suicide

you feel like you're falling into pieces and hotch can't quite save you in time.

dangerous love: angst

hotch can toxic with his work and it sucks to be on the receiving end of it all the time

3 + 1: fluff

3 times hotch pines for you and the 1 time the team do something about it

choosing between you and jack: angst

the choice is hard but it's one that has to be made

break ups: angst

its hard to leave a man you love with the entirety of your heart

nightmares: angsty fluff

hotch has a nightmare and you're the one he seeks

denying orgasms: smut

it's no surprise hotch denies your orgasms ;)

hotch cuddles: fluff

sweet sweet hugs with hotch <3

hurt/comfort: fluff

having a bad mental health day but hotch makes it all better <3

other 💌

spencer reid and his awkward smiles

your insta but you're dating aaron hotchner, part 1, part 2, part 3

[chaotic-on-main]

So glad you reblogged this because I did not see your post about this event before. And I almost missed it! 😱 But now I'm here… hi, Sky! Congrats on your milestone, dear! ❤️

I would be interested in one matcha green tea ice cream with cookie crumbles on top. If it's okay, could it be something like Levi comforting the reader while they're anxious and stressed? Something with nice calming domestic vibes maybe?

Order up!! One matcha green tea with cookie crumbles for Rose!!

Sky's Summer Fall and 250 Follower Event!

☾ Pairing ➼ Levi Ackerman x cisfem!Reader

☾ Content/Warning ➼ modernAU, pregnancy, anxiety, established relationship, pregnancy reveal

☾ A/N ➼ hi rose!! again, sorry it's taken me so long to get to this. this wasn't the initial path i had planned, but i think it went better than expected!! also i know i said i wouldn't write a pregnant reader, but i was inspired and i love the idea of dadvi even though i don't see myself wanting kids. there's something to unexpectedly soft about dad levi, and i love to imagine it. i mean, he's already so dad coded considering how many kids he adopts lol. also for anyone seeing this, the rest of my requests are no longer summer themed LMAO. i'm gonna have to do something simple for my next event a;lsdkfjalj

☾ Word Count ➼ ~1.9k

The pattering of raindrops on window panes is a sound that brings comfort to you, doubly so during this time of year. Orange and red leaves lie dormant on the wet pavement only to be run over by various cars going home for the evening. With the end of the year holidays looming around the corner, excitement fills the air. But not for you. Instead, it's overwhelming anxiety, and the rain does not bring the comfort you seek.

You're so in your head that you don't hear the keys in the door and the light footsteps of your husband coming home from work. As you toss some chocolate chips into the red bowl full of light brown dough, your mind bounces from one thought to another. Some thoughts hurt worse than others and you find yourself almost choking up until you force yourself to think of something else.

Long, cold fingers wrap around your wrist as you go to pick up a silicone spatula, holding your arm up midair. You're so startled at the sudden touch that you drop it straight into the bowl – thank god it was mixed enough to not splatter. When your eyes snap to the source, the automatic relief that normally comes with seeing those beautiful gray eyes doesn't wash over you. You’ve underestimated the anxiety that courses through your veins like ice.

“What's wrong?” Your husband's low voice comes out careful.

“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about right now. Welcome home!” You force out, your lips pulling back on your teeth in a reassuring smile. Levi Ackerman has known you for far too long, and he wasn't stupid. His eyes scan the messy kitchen counters with furrowed brows.

“I count at least 4 mixing bowls, most half filled and only a few finished products. Either you've signed up for a bake sale, or something is wrong. You only get like this when something is bothering you.” Levi's eyes go back to yours.

“I- uh. It's nothing, really.” You check the clock on the stove and gasp. “I didn't realize the time, and I haven't even started on dinner yet. I'm so sorry.” You quickly push aside your mess to make room for some space.

“Go sit down.” Levi says as he puts his keys and phone in the little wicker basket that sits on the far end of the counter.

“No, it's okay! I can do this.” You don't even know what to make for dinner. You've been in a downward spiral all day and haven't thought that far ahead. The sound of glass bottles rattle as you open the fridge doors to peek at your options - only to find them extremely limited. You should have gone to the grocery store earlier today.

The fridge closes in front of you as Levi pushes his way in front of you. Suddenly his hands are cupping your face, thumbs stroking your cheeks in a way he knows is comforting to you. You just now notice his hair slicked back, stuck in place from the rain outside. Black eyebrows scrunch together in concern as he stares at you.

“Levi, I don't need help. I can do this myself.” You mutter.

“Go sit down.” He repeats, softer this time. You stare back, trying to find the energy to argue. But you have none, so you make your way over to the plush navy couch in the living room. In a means to help comfort you, you pull your knees to your chest and stare out the window. Night time has made its way home, the yellow streetlights hazily glowing through the cold rain. It takes everything within you to focus on what you see and hear, and not what races through your mind.

Either you dozed off or fell into a trance because before you know it, Levi comes over and taps your shoulder. You blink a few times as your eyes adjust to what he's holding out to you – a bowl and a glass of water.

“I bet you haven't hydrated once today, have you?” He raises a brow.

“I've been busy?” You give him a small smile, but take the glass anyway. He sets the bowl down in front of you on the coffee table. You didn't even need to see it to know what it was as the smell of it wafts from the kitchen to your nose. Spaghetti, and Levi's spaghetti at that. Well, technically Kuchel’s - Levi's mom – recipe. From the moment he had made it for you when you both first started dating, you knew this was the best recipe you have or will ever taste.

Not only was it delicious, though, it was comforting. It was home.

“Oh, Levi.” You sigh as you reach over to place your glass down so you can pick up the warm bowl in two hands. The smell of herbs and tomatoes dance in your nostrils as you breathe in deeply. You don't hesitate to poke your fork into the red pasta and slurp up the saucy noodles.

The sofa shifts as Levi sits next to you, leg crossed as he leans back with his own bowl in hand. He doesn't say anything as he digs in, eyes looking out to the darkened window. It stays silent save for the quiet smacking and the metal clinking on porcelain. For a while, you're distracted yet again as you fill your tummy but eventually your bowl is empty and the dread starts creeping back in.

“Did you want more or…?” Levi breaks you out of your thoughts and your eyes focus back to what you were looking at – the red-streaked bottom of the bowl.

“Oh, no I'm good. Thank you for making dinner. I'm sorry I couldn't have it done by the time you got home.” You smile softly at him as you hand him your bowl. His lips twitch as he regards you. He takes the bowl from you and you think he's about to get up but instead, he sets it on the coffee table and shifts so that he's facing you fully.

“There's nothing to apologize for, dummy. What's going on in that head of yours?” He reaches over and taps your forehead gently with a forefinger.

“I don't know if this is the right time.” You whisper, feeling tears prick at the corners of your eyes.

“I'm home for the night, we have plenty of time before bed.” His hand trails down your face and cups your jaw as he holds your gaze. “What's going on?”

Reaching up, you rest your hand over his and lean into his touch. Then with a shuddering breath, you gently pry his hand off and stand up. Without another word, you make your way to the master bathroom and retrieve what you're looking for. Before exiting, you bend over the sink to take a few deep breaths. You just need to rip this off like a bandaid, you keep repeating to yourself.

Making your way down the hallway back to the living room, your fingers shake. The room grows silent as you hold the little white stick up to eye level the moment you step in front of your extremely confused husband.

Levi has to squint to see the little pink plus sign. There's a range of emotions that flood his face past the initial shock. You know when the realization hits him because his wide eyes flit over to yours as he checks to see if you're kidding. You only nod your head back. There's a moment of excitement that lights up in his eyes before the same look of anxiety that no doubt mirrors your own stares back at you.

Your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach at that.

“I-" Levi chokes on his words.

“It's real.”

You hear Levi inhale loudly as he runs his fingers through his hair and step back as he processes. You’ve been with Levi for so long but even you didn't know how he would react. Children weren't off the table, but you both had agreed to start a family when the time was right. To you, this was the worst possible time with Levi starting a new job and your writing career finally taking off. His reaction is enough to confirm those thoughts. Or, at least that’s what you thought.

“I know this is awful timing. And I’m sure we're not ready. I'm so-" Your last words are cut short into a squeak as a pair of strong arms pull you into a warm chest, the sudden movement causing the pregnancy test to fall and bounce onto the rug. You can feel Levi's heart beating a mile a minute against your own.

“Don't apologize.”

“But you’re not excited.” You’ve started crying and you can feel your tears seeping into Levi's shirt. He pushes you away from him and holds you there. His dark eyes bounce between yours as he regards you.

“Who said I wasn't?"

“I- just your face-"

“I won't pretend to say I'm not nervous. You know, Kenny was the only father figure I had and he wasn't around, not when it mattered, at least. I'm scared, actually.” His eyebrows furrow to match the concern that laces his tone.

“Levi-"

“But this is exciting, and I'm thrilled. And we'll navigate through this like we always do. But, how do you feel about it?”

“Well, I guess I'm scared too. Anxious. Our jobs are just taking off, and while I'm excited for a family with you, I'm just not sure how to take this.” You pull a hand up to wipe away the salty tears that streams down your face.

“We have 9 months, give or take. That's plenty of time for us to figure things out. But is this what you want?” Levi let's go of your arms to cup your face again. That moment of hesitance that graced his features is no longer there, only replaced by love.

“Do you think we'll be ready by then?”

“Who knows. But we can try. We'll figure it out together.” Levi pulls you back in and holds you in his tight embrace. You bury your face in his shirt, once again letting it soak up any leftover tears.

“If it's any consolation, I think you'll be a great dad. I watch the way you interact with your little cousin during get-togethers.”

“Tch. If our child is anything like Mikasa, I'm sure we'll be fine. But if they're like her friend Eren, we're starting over.” You laugh at that and slap his chest playfully.

“Levi, you can't say shit like that.”

“I'm just kidding. Mostly. That Eren kid has something wrong with him, I swear.”

You hold on to him in silence for a bit, taking note of the slowing heart beat between the two of you as the news finally sinks in. You were going to be a mom. You were going to be a parent with Levi.

“Someone needs to eat this. This is way too much for just the two of us.” You hear Levi chuckle. You can't see it, but you know he's staring at the mess you've made all day. You'll be up until 3am making sure everything gets baked so it doesn't go to waste.

“Three of us.” You lean back to look at your husband, smiling at that comment.

“You're right, the three of us.” You feel as Levi gently rests the palm of his hand on your stomach and leans down to kiss you softly. Your anxiety still lingers, but now it's tinged with relief because no matter what life throws at you, Levi is here.

tagging: @humanitys-strongest-bamf @romantichomicide95 @youre-ackermine @roseofdarknessblog @missamity @levis-squishy-cheeks @icansmellsouls @dkbktk420 @elnyrae @secretmoneybearvoid @apolloshaiku @sujiroses @jadam724 @e-riellaaa @kamyru @highgoon69 @missyasma @kingkonoha @sckerman @notgoodforlife @nube55 @svftackerman @velouria17 @melodyuzumaki

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[lovejosephquinn]

Authors Note: This took me 5 hours so I hope you enjoy, I'm really hoping you all enjoy it since I've hyped it up no end lmao 💀🥰

Summary: After a bad break up, your best friend Joe is there to pick up the pieces, the best friend you could ever have hoped for. Except falling for him wasn't ever planned but it's impossible not to when he makes it feel so damn easy

Warnings: reference to cheating, mild violence and angst, fluff and smut. All the categories mixed into one, under 18's DNI. Friends to lovers trope

Word Count: 4.8k

Taglist: @eddiemunson-mylove @choke-me-eddie @quinnypixie @capricornrisingsstuff @ali-r3n @aol19 @aysheashea @wonderheartz @shawnamae87

Something in the back of your mind knew it was a bad idea taking back your ex boyfriend, you'd contemplated the idea of not doing it but you listened to your head more than your heart and instead of standing up for yourself, you'd played into his hands and found yourself heartbroken yet again. You just never seem to learn and clearly this was your own problem to deal with, he'd cheated on you the first time and as the saying goes; once a cheat always a fucking cheat.

You fell to the floor the moment you received the direct message from the random girl who'd sent you a video, him and her together, doing the dirty. She'd found out from a mutual friend of a friend that he was already in a relationship and decided to come clean to you. Not that it made the situation any better, but at least she understood the girl code of sisters before misters.

You sobbed, hugging your knees, your mind all over the place, intrusive thoughts, valid feelings that you were sure to be having; yet there in one respect was nobody to blame but yourself. He'd given you a form of anxiety since the first time he'd done this to you, but it's hard to get out of feeling for someone once you're deep in it, your walls come crashing down once you've entrusted the person you're supposed to be with and then they break you as easily as they fixed you in the beginning.

The whole time you weren't sure whether you wanted to be alone but at the same time you didn't know if you needed the company to help you escape these disgustingly real thoughts which alluded your brain. You had a comfort blanket, your best friend. You didn't want to bother him and once you'd told him you knew he was likely to kick off at you and say the dreaded words of I told you so. It was irritating to know that he was that way inclined, but you knew he'd be right, you'd of probably done the same thing if it were the other way around.

You looked a mess, tears stained your soft cheeks which felt hot to the touch, you felt like you were going to throw up, your hands were shaking, you'd thrown your phone to the other side of your bedroom after receiving the message, screaming in the space of your new found loneliness. It should surely hurt less the second time but it doesn't, it feels worse. You were stupid.

You crawled over to your phone in hope that it'd sort your problems out, you knew you had to make the call, you needed your best friend by your side even if it meant him pissing you off. You looked pathetic, making those stupid whimpering sounds whilst you moved forward, settling yourself on your knees, you pressed onto your contacts, onto Joe's name and your thumb hovered over the green phone icon.

Through blurry eyes you did it and the tone began to blast through your speaker, you heard his voice immediately after which calmed you more than you could've imagined. It was like you'd lost your voice, a simple hello was not easy to respond to when you were in the midst of an almost panic attack. You could've just pretended like you'd pocket dialled him and ended the call, but you just couldn't find it in yourself to hang up on the one person you relied on when you were in such a mess.

"Y/N? Hellooooo?"

"I- I-" You stuttered out, a sharp breath following.

"Are you ok love?"

Your tears immediately resumed on queue. Calmness disintegrating.

"I'll take that as a-"

"No. No I'm not." You interrupted quickly, finishing his sentence for him.

"What the fuck did he do to you?" Joe was quick in assuming and quite right to his guess in why you weren't sounding great.

"What makes you think-"

"Don't play dumb with me darling, I recognise that tone of your voice from the last time that dick hurt you. I swore to you last time I'd let it go, but you made a mistake in going back to him, you forgave him and I know that cry when I hear it."

You absolutely detested how he knew you so well, for the good and for the bad.

"Hit the nail on the head there Joey." You sniffled your nose followed by another hitch of your throat, you dragged yourself over to the wall, backing yourself onto it, reinstituting your previous position, knees back up to your chest.

"I knew it. Do I need to go and commit a crime?" You closed your eyes and shook your head, for all you knew Joe was being serious and would get himself into trouble just for you, he was just that involved in your friendship, cared for you like nobody ever had.

"No. Please don't." You could've sounded like you were begging for him to not, but at the same time you'd of done anything to watch Joe punch his lights out for what he'd done to you.

"And are you going to stop me?"

"Look, I just need you here with me. Are you going to get off of your high horse and do your best friend duties?"

"Are you going to take him back again?"

"No." You sighed.

"No offence, but I'll believe it when I see it." You could've heard a pin drop, way to break your heart even further Joe.

"Please just come over and give me one of those special hugs, I could really do with that shit right now, not with your sarcastic tone of voice that I know and hate."

Joe hummed a snigger, you knew he was trying to joke around with you, but you were having none of it.

"I'm on my way, stay put." Joe ended the call, not like you were going anywhere in this state, but you could only handle being alone for so much longer before you broke down into a state where in the present you weren't sure you could come back from. The best part is that you were just presupposing that Joe was as free as a bird for you, but regardless to your own knowledge; this man would end whatever he was doing at the drop of a hat to be next to you.

You felt like you'd waited a lifetime for the knock at your door and when it came you found some energy to get up off your ass and answer it, the person you'd least expected to be there stood before you.

"Well you look a state." You've got to be fucking joking.

"Get the fuck away from me, I never want to see you again." You bellowed loudly, not even feeling an ounce of quiet in you, the anger seeping out quite abruptly.

"What're you on about?" Oh so he wanted to play dumb.

"Once a cheat always a cheat, get out of my life, I gave you one more chance and you blew it."

"Have you any proof?" He chuckled and you could've swung for him there and then.

You clutched your phone, bringing it up to unlock it with your face ID, pushing the video brightly showing on the screen, the noises that made you want to barf were shattering. His eyes grew wide. Your now ex boyfriend took your phone from your grasp and launched it across the room where it hit the nearby wall, a smash of glass was apparent in it's fall to the ground.

"No proof then." What a malicious bastard.

"How dare you." You ball your fist, bringing it up to and smashing straight into his cheek, violence is never the answer as your mum has taught you through life, but god knows he deserved it.

"Touch me again bitch I fucking dare you." Before you could even step back, his hand was wrapped around your throat, pulling you up onto your tip toes and throwing you back toward the wall your phone had landed. You saw your life flashing before your eyes, not once would you have ever imagined he'd lay a finger on you, a defence mechanism maybe for you striking him? You couldn't be making excuses because there were none for his own violent behaviour, except a pure guilty conscience.

"Get- off- me!" You stuttered as his grip intensified.

"Don't think you're ending things, you won't be going anywhere, you'll come back, you proved by doing that this time." How was he that entitled? You'd took him back based on the bullshit he'd fed you that he'd changed; where as you'd learnt he had not.

"You're- a- fucking- joke." You wheezed, an evil burst of laughter breaking out from the depths of your lungs.

"Takes one to know one." Suddenly, he was launched backwards, a thunderous screech was heard from him and he lost his grip on you and fell to the floor from the force in which he was manoeuvred back.

"Get the fuck off her if you know what's good for you mate." Your ex looked up to see Joe towering over him, a quick shoot of a look to you from your best friend he saw the sorrow in your eyes as you held onto your throat, catching the oxygen that you'd solely missed for a couple of minutes.

"Oh look, your best friend who clearly fancies you to the rescue, surprised you didn't fuck him whilst you were with me." Joe bent down slightly, taking a hold of his t-shirt and bringing him up to his feet back on eye level.

"You're a waste." Joe's pupils had dilated into a state of anger in which you'd never seen before, a different side to him in which you quite enjoyed, way over protective and way over his usual adorable state he carried 99.9% of the time.

"What you gonna do you pussy?" Your ex egged him on to take action upon his words and for the first time you saw Joe strike back. His knuckles caught him square in the nose, landing him straight back down on his behind. His nose seeped with blood and you cried out for them both to stop, your ex stood back up and Joe ragged him to the other side of the room, pushing him toward him and then back again.

"Come near her again, I'll fucking end you." Joe lowly whispered. A threat now made a promise. He wasn't joking.

Your ex stumbled out of the front door and Joe hung his head around to watch him leave until he was out of sight of the hallway of your flat complex. Joe slammed the door shut, bolting the door locked and rushed over to you in a hurry. Grabbing a hold of you instantly, pushing your head onto his chest, one hand soothed your back whilst the other held onto the back of your head.

"It's really over Joe." You couldn't help the overly loud, obnoxious tears that consumed your entire being. You were shaking and so was he, both from different states of anger, stress and upset.

"I know darling, I know." He didn't want to say it, he didn't want to give you the whole talk, that could wait until you'd stopped crying at least. Joe held you in pure silence for a good 10 minutes, stood in the same position, the scent of him engulphed your nose as you wept and wet through his jumper that he wore. Homely. Beautiful. Dreamy.

"Everything will be okay, you know that right? It might not seem that way now, but maybe this needed to happen for you to realise that you can do so much better, you deserve everything above what that prick has done to you." You managed a brief smile and you could realise that he felt it from the way you felt his heart thump in his chest and in turn, his reaction reflected upon yours, your stomach feeling nauseous but in turn relieved from the butterflies which flew through your stomach. Not the first time you've felt that around him, but you never acted on it, shrugging it off; this time felt different.

"You hear me? Tell me you know it'll be alright and that you won't do anything stupid."

"I hear you."

"Tell me." Joe put his hands to your arms, bringing you back to look at you full on, his natural chocolatey gaze which warmed right through you came back to light and you couldn't deny him of his need of response.

"It'll be alright..." You paused.

Joe tried to offer you a sympathetic smile, the type you give to someone in need.

"As long as you're around." You whispered.

"Always." Joe pulled you back in for another sweet hug, not lasting as long this time, he took your hand and brought you over to a more comfier place, also known as your sofa.

You sat across from him but was immediately invited back into his arms, it was a welcoming view and you couldn't actually wait to be back in them. At this point, he wasn't your best friend, he was your hero. You'd shared a moment more intimate in the least intimate of ways and it just felt unlike any other time you'd shared an embrace.

You settled down with your head on his lap, his fingertips played with your hair, brushing through them with no tangles in sight. You were in a calmer state, less tears and less heavy breaths, the air refilling your lungs perfectly. You found your eyes heavy from the amount of anxiety you'd undertaken in the last hour, a lot for the heart to handle.

You opened your eyes in a slightly confused daze, you rolled over to see Joe take his eyes from his phone which he was just aimlessly scrolling through, his smile so much brighter than the last you'd seen it. "Hello sleeping beauty." You rubbed your hands over your face, slightly embarrassed that you'd fallen asleep under the circumstances you had.

"I'm so sorry I dozed off."

"Don't apologise, you looked cute, so was the little snores." You lifted your hand up to tap his face making him laugh out, there's the Joe you knew and loved. Loved.

"Shut up I do not snore."

"I beg to differ." Joe laughed again and it made you giggle in turn.

"Slight change of subject, but I heard a song I've not heard for years whilst you were asleep and it made me think of you. Especially relevant to times like this." Not that he had to bring up the situation of today, but it was necessary to his point.

"Oh yeah what's that?" You saw his cheeks flush and you were not sure if it was rapid regret or that he'd just made it up to bring up a different conversation; but then why would he talk about the whole ordeal?

"Don't cringe at me for this." You chortled his way, his cheeks now a crimson red, he was biting down on his bottom lip and you quickly shut up to show an ounce of respect for what he clearly wanted to show to you.

"Cross my heart and hope to-" You were cut off when he leaned up to stand in front of you, your head thumped down onto the sofa in the warm spot where he'd been pressed to it.

"Don't finish that sentence, up you get." He offered out his hand and you gladly took it, a bemused look upon your features.

He pressed play on his Spotify and threw the phone down onto the sofa, you were suddenly in a state of pure bliss when you heard the notes begin.

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea I'll sail the world to find you If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see I'll be the light to guide you Joe pulled you into him once more, but began swaying from side to side, you were astonished that this side was coming out of him, a private moment you were sharing together, closer than you'd ever felt before with your best friend. Emotions screaming loud and clear. As per, you'd really never acted on them, but there was clearly some hidden feeling toward him that you didn't want to bring to light and make exist, but with this meaningful song playing in the background, it was out of the question for you to not go down that road.

You thought your ears had deceived you when you heard Joe's voice whispering into your hair, slowly moving down towards your ear when the chorus began.

You can count on me like one, two, three I'll be there And I know when I need it, I can count on you like four, three, two And you'll be there...

You'd never believed the words of a song like you did now Joe was singing them at you. You felt alive, electricity was greedily taking over the entirety of your body. You hummed along to the sound of the music, Joe's hands wrapped further around your back, still swaying he continued to voice the lyrics right at you.

You'll always have my shoulder when you cry I'll never let go, never say goodbye You know

As the final chorus blossomed through your ear drums and the song died down, you felt yourself welling up again, though this time you were beaming, you pulled back to take a look at an even more blushed look on Joe's face.

"I hope-"

"That was beautiful, Joe."

"Don't ever let anyone think you're worth any less than that ever again. I for one won't let a soul do so." Joe cooed at you in a mild whisper.

"You're truly amazing." You fluttered your eyelashes down to the ground and you felt the touch of his thumb lifting your chin to look back at him again.

"Is this the part where I confess?" Joe sighed.

"Confess?" Your eyebrows furrowed.

"The song meant more to me than you know and I want you to be able to count on me today and every day after that." You were suddenly sinking into a hole that you didn't want to get out of, you knew exactly what he meant but you wanted to hear it for yourself.

"Nobody will never hurt you again." Joe paused, his hand coming up to your cheek which you innocently tilted to lean on.

"As long-"

"As long as I'm around." Joe smiled, his face grew ever closer. It was more a need than a want now and despite everything that had happened today, reality was coming to light and though you should of probably stopped it there, you didn't.

Your lips collided together in a soft, warm and with meaning kiss. It was like in the movies, when two friends found themselves in this situation, usually fireworks would set off behind them and it'd be a happy ever after type scenario, but this was real life and you knew there'd be hurdles, but you'd cross that bridge when you came to it. No matter how hard your brain told you to stop, your heart begged you not to, you were right in doing so; you listened to your head last time and look where that got you.

Your lips stuck together like glue, becoming more open mouthed now, no tongues but complete passion, something that should not feel so good with what felt almost disallowed, you were tasting forbidden fruit. After what felt like hours, you both let go, panting for breath, staring directly into each others souls, a sweet split second turned heated.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself."

"Do not apologise, I- I liked it." You bit down on your lip and he took full note of your body language, eyes flitting between your own and back down to your mouth again.

"That's hot." He bit down on his own lip.

"Ditto." You smirked, matching the wickedly framed smug look staring right back at you.

"For me, it's always been you." Joe's confession. There it was. Handed to you on a plate.

"Maybe I never knew truly, but I do now. Ditto." You mimicked his own version of ditto. The minute the word left your mouth he picked you up, throwing a squeak out of you from not expecting his sudden move, but excited nonetheless.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, arms wrapped around his neck as his mouth attacked to yours once more, more fiercely this time, the fireworks well and truly working their magic. You found yourself against a wall for the third time today but this time it was in good stead, you were making out with your best friend, something you never thought would happen in your wildest dreams. You suddenly could feel his erection pressed against your crotch, slightly rubbing against you which made you shudder under his touch.

"Too much?" Joe spoke through your kiss.

"Too little." You replied.

Joe carried you back to the sofa, slipping you down and climbing on top of you before returning his lips to their rightful place. Tongues fought together wildly this time, noses crushed against each other, teeth clattering, slight groans erupting from each of you as he grinded down back into the same spot he was just pressed into.

He moved down to your neck, sloppily leaving a trail of his own saliva down it which blew heat down to your core, an ache which made you thrust in time to Joe's hip movement, his own little moan giving out.

You tugged at his shirt, dying for the moment you'd start to undress.

"Too much?" You hummed a giggle.

Joe leaned up, removing his shirt and tossed it to the floor beside him.

"Too little." He wiggled his eyebrows forcing another laugh out of you. This time he made his way down, peeling down your trousers in turn.

"Can I? I'm dying to taste more of you." You shoot him a mhmm as a way of silently pleading for him to get on with it.

You shimmy off the bottom half of your clothing as Joe slips himself off the sofa to position himself better, he pulls your underwear to the side, his eyes almost bulging out of his skull.

"What a beautiful pussy you have, holy shit." Joe slides a finger in a straight line between your slit, eyes fully trained on you when he puts it into his mouth and shares a sound of pure delight.

"Fuck yes..." He widens your legs and pushes his face between your folds, instantly sucking at your clit, giving you no room to adjust, eating you out like a ravenous animal, tongue swirling around, curing the aches in which you craved to be touched. Effortlessly, he inserts a finger straight through your entrance, curling it up to feel your walls, the thickness of them makes your back arch, especially as his mouths fully latched onto you with brute force, licking every part of your slick that he can manage.

"J-Joe oooh my- god. Yes." Your hands fall onto his curls, pulling at them, urging him by pressing him down so you could feel more, you wanted more, you needed more.

"You like that, baby. Do I make you feel good?"

"Fuck, more." You can barely speak.

He pushed another finger in, joining the other to stretch you out, your walls hugged his digits as you clenched firmly, writhing your hips back and fourth, riding his fingers as well as you could manage. You could feel the inevitable waiting to happen and just before it did, he made a swap, pulling his fingers out which immediately began rubbing erratically against your clit and his tongue pressed inside your entrance.

You moaned his name countless times, pain not a problem when you were almost yanking at his hair a top his head. The little sounds he made as he darted his tongue in and out of you threw you over the edge, your soul leaving your body and joining the angels in heaven, a slight black out on your part.

Joe watched on as you squirmed about the sofa whilst your orgasm took over you. "Fuckkk, atta girl. That's what I like to see." Once you'd come back down to reality, Joe had already rid of his own trousers, you witnessed his cock for the first time and my god did you like and extremely enjoy what you saw.

"Do you want me to-"

"Joe, just fuck me already." He'd well and truly got you in the mood.

"Yes ma'am." He choked a chuckle, putting a hand up to his head to salute like a soldier.

You went back to biting down on your lip when you saw him spit down onto his shaft, quickly fisting it and tipping his head back.

"God damn it Y/N. I'll bite that lip for you if you carry on."

You resumed in biting down on it once more and you moved into laying back across the sofa, he climbed back on top of you, holding himself up with his hands and leaning down to take your lip between his teeth before tugging it back.

"Don't test me woman." You both sniggered.

"Fuck. Me." You said sternly. He slowly pushed himself inside of you, making you both let out a breathless moan, as tight as you felt to him was how big he was feeling to you, a perfect match. As Joe adjusted himself, he grabbed a hold of your legs and hoisted them over his shoulders for deeper contact, he began to move at a slow pace. You could feel every inch thrusting through you, it was already the best sex you'd ever had, purely because the meaning behind it was something words could never describe.

You made a sound which made some halt to a stop, a worried look on his face.

"Too much?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Too fucking little." You licked your lips.

That was it. He pounded into you, he understood the assignment, you liked it rough, he knew you wanted to be fucked senseless, to forget everything that had happened today and the only way that was now going to happen was if he railed you to the extent you required.

His balls slapped against your ass, your walls clenching around him once more as he hit a spot which had you crying out a noise so loud, it was borderline pornographic.

"Fuck yes, take my cock!" He went harder, rutting his hips as fast he could, you could feel the tip tapping onto your cervix, pushing an orgasm straight out of you, the best part of it all; Joe felt the moment you did. He felt like the slick drip out of you and onto his balls, some even reaching the sofa.

"Where do you want me to- y'know." He panted.

"Anywhere, just cum for me." You whined, as desperate for his release as he clearly was, he wouldn't of mentioned it so quickly if he wasn't already nearing his limit.

Joe pulled out not a moment later, grabbing a hold of your hand and pulling you off the sofa and onto your knees, you acknowledged what he wanted. Opening your mouth, Joe wrapped his fist around his cock and began pumping toward you. Breath fiery and heaving out the air he had left in his lungs, he exploded when you took him into your mouth, his tip enclosed inside of it, gushing out heaps of his warm seed, you swallowed every last drop he had to offer.

You'd of thought after an encounter like this, it could've been the most awkward moment to share between you, but it was far from that. Joe pulled you back onto your feet and you held his hand as you took him into your bedroom.

"Didn't quite make it here huh?" Ugh Joe and his charming whit.

You fell onto the bed, not even worrying about the mess you'd made back in the living room. Joe crawled up next to you, pulling you into his arms, the best embrace you'd ever felt, skin to skin, bare and satisfied.

"Did I mention?" Joe asked.

"I don't know, did you?" You replied in an almost sarcastic tone.

"That I-" Joe pressed his mouth to your hair, your head laying on his chest hearing the beautiful beat of his heart in your ear, which was thrashing.

"I love you." Joe whispered, enough for you to make it out and enough for your own cheeks to flush this time.

"I- I love you too."

There it was. The true confession. The best friend who had been before you all this time felt like he could've been the one biding his time, waiting for you, to give you everything he possibly could. He could be the one who saved you, god knows he already had.

[karai1111]

not sure how to name this thing

(Sick Jeongyeon and her caretaker y/n)

(Author's note: First time I ever post anything I write that is not emotional dumping. Wrote this when I was at my peak fan time lol. Hope it's readable and is not too bad. Also I have people who knows me irl on here so HOPEFULLY yall won't judge me lmao the girl needs some escapism sometimes.)

Jeongyeon has a habit of hiding her problems from others until everything gets too heavy for her to bear. Whether it is an injury, an illness or mental discomfort, she’s usually the one to suck it up and stick it out.

“It is hard to open up” as she always says with a guilty smile. Tears were shed, you both used to intensely fight and bicker because of this. There was a period of time when the silent treatment you both used got so loud that it’s deafening. That was a difficult journey.

Jeongyeon has gotten a lot better though, you could see it in the way she got more attached to you. Your relationship with Jeongyeon has grown deeper over the years, even though Jeongyeon has been with other people longer than you. “It's the comfortable feelings I get when I’m with you. With other people I always get the urge to take care and protect them, but with you I feel protected and cared for instead” Jeongyeon always tells you. You never really know how to respond to that, so you just smiled at her, you’re not the talkative kind afterall. Jeongyeon knows you though. She knows you’re happy to make her happy and that is more than enough. 

_______________________________________

Jeongyeon’s health usually deteriorates during the colder months. She used to self-isolate herself, as she called it “hibernation” but in reality you know well that she’s purposely trying to avoid everyone. The isolation got worse as her health kept declining; to the point that one time you drove yourself to a near panic attack episode while calling an ambulance because you found an unresponsive, feverish Jeongyeon passed out on the floor. 

That led to another round of both of you crying together. 

_______________________________________

This year is no different, even though Jeongyeon’s health has improved a lot, it still couldn’t adapt to the cold weather. Although, she has been slowly learning to lean on you more and more.

“Y/n…” Jeongyeon softly called out for you, the panic shown visibly in her shaky voice. She tried to feel for your presence but nothing was there, your side of the bed was scaringly empty. The anxiety inside her grew more and more, along with the immense loneliness and sadness, all washed over her. She needs you, why aren’t you here? You’ve been telling her to open up more, now she does but you’re just gone?

“I’m here I’m still here” a familiar soft voice suddenly spoke up, reassuring her “I didn’t go anywhere”. Your voice echoed in the dark, that seemed to sooth Jeongyeon a lot. Her face softened, her breathing calmed as she tried to crack her eyes open to look at you. Even though it’s dark and the fever is causing Jeongyeon’s eyes to blur, your silhouette is still very much visible to her. You smiled at her, gently swiping the forming tears in the corner of her eyes, confirming that you’re here with her. 

____________________________________

Jeongyeon’s fever has broken out in the middle of the night, which caused you to jolt up from the bed and scrawl to find her some medicine. When you came back, the first thing you saw was a helpless Jeongyeon trying to call for you. ‘Like a puppy trying to find its mom’ you think, then let out a sigh. 

You looked back at Jeongyeon, you can see that her half-opened brown eyes still stopped on your body. “Go back to sleep Jeongyeon” you say, which almost sounds like an order. She frowned, and seemed to be very dissatisfied with your stern tone. Jeongyeon huffed then turned away, pulling the blanket over her head, refusing to face you any longer. That made you chuckle. 

Eventually you did wake her up again to make her drink the medicine you have prepared. 

____________________________________

As you were stirring the congee slowly heating up in the pot, a pair of arms began to wrap around your waist. Jeongyeon has woken up and made her way into the kitchen to find you. You’re always in the kitchen afterall, so even when her mind is hazy, she knows to look for you in this familiar space. “Morning honey” you turn to face her red feverish face “Are you feeling any better?”, you asked as you tucked her hair behind her ears. Jeongyeon shakes her head, burying her face in the crook of your neck, you can feel her arms tightened around your body. She mumbled “...Just tired.”. 

Jeongyeon sounded like she was about to cry, her voice came out quite nasally, she cried a lot when she’s sick. She has you now though, so she won’t have to cry alone anymore. You placed your hand on the back of her neck then ran your fingers into her hair, gently massaging her pounding head. “It’s okay, I’m here with you...Let's go sit down, it’s not good for you to stand for so long” you gently coaxed her, she nodded as both of you made your way to the nearby couch. You sat her down, placing a few pillows behind to support her back. Jeongyeon sank into the pillow as you draped a thin blanket over her. “Are you not gonna sit with me..?” she asked, “I will I will, wait for me a bit” you answered. You waited for Jeongyeon’s approval before getting up to get back to your pot of congee. It's what your mother usually made when you’re sick, so naturally, you continued that tradition and made some for Jeongyeon. 

The steaming bowl of congee was placed onto the coffee table, you kneeled down next to the couch, rubbing Jeongyeon’s cheek to wake her up. “Yoo Unnie, time to wake up to eat”, Jeongyeon definitely heard you but it took a while for her to be able to get out of the sleepy state. She’s still groggy though but managed to sit up anyway. 

“Ah, smells good” Jeongyeon commented after seeing the bowl of congee. “I used the chicken stock you made last week, so that's probably why” you answered honestly, scooping a spoon full then raising it up to her lips “Time for you to finally eat”. “I can feed myself you know?” Jeongyeon playfully said with her hoarse voice but she took it anyway. The congee was a bit hot, making Jeongyeon whine and you quickly became really apologetic. It tasted good though, Jeongyeon laughed the near burn experience off and slowly finished the entire bowl. 

“That made me feel so much more comfortable” Jeongyeon sat back, leaning onto the soft cushion. Fulfilling meals always make Jeongyeon happy and contend, especially when she’s feeling terrible mentally or physically, or both. You smiled. Food is Jeongyeon’s therapy and cooking is her love language. No matter how tired she is or how busy she gets, Jeongyeon always finds the time to prepare a meal for you. Even when her schedule is tight, she still manages to whip up something for you to enjoy. “I know how good food makes you feel” you said while sitting down next to her. Jeongyeon immediately started to lean onto your body, taking your hand in her lap and gently rubbing her fingers through your knuckles, her soft skin gliding onto yours and you can feel her feverish warmth. “Ya…” she responded “I love food but I love the meaning behind it more. Maybe that's why I love home-cooked meals, because you can really tell how much your chef loves you”. That made you chuckle a lot. You didn’t say anything after that, both of you just let the atmosphere sinked into a comforting silence. Jeongyeon holding your hand while you play with her hair until another wave of tiredness washed over her, making Jeongyeon drift back to sleep. You gently lowered her back onto the couch, careful as not to wake her. You brushed her bangs onto the side while placing a cooling rack on her forehead and took a while to watch her sleep. ‘Jeongyeon is like a princess’ you think, she has always been beautiful in your eyes and that thought had never once changed. 

[frenziedslashers]

It's me (again) with another request for Ricky.

How would rick react to reader going on a run with someone he doesnt really trust yet? And they're gone longer than expected. How does he cope with the anxiety? How does he react when reader comes back with some injuries bc the other person was shitty and almost left them behind???

Safe and Sound;;

A/N: WOO, FINALLY HAVE AN EXCUSE TO USE THIS GIF LMAO hope you enjoy this homie!!

Pairing: Rick Grimes x Male!Reader

Warnings: Canon typical violence, Rick is a little unhinged, cursing, reader uses he/him pronouns

Rick couldn't believe it when Deanna told him.

"You did what?" He snapped, and the woman flinched. "They are all capable of making their own decisions, Rick. They asked for a job, and I sent them on a supply run that they all agreed to."

Rick was fuming. He couldn't believe that she had done this without going over it with the rest of the group. Glenn, Tara, Eugene, and Noah were all out there. Most importantly, you were with them. He cared for all his people, but everyone in the group knew he cared for you almost as much as he did his kids.

"You don't get to make that call for my people!" He snapped, pushing past the woman towards the gate. He was sick of listening to her and her bullshit. Claiming that her son and his friend would protect you all out there. How would they protect you when they hardly knew what was happening outside those walls? It was all one joke after another if you asked him.

He wasn't going to be doing his job for the rest of that day, either. Not until you were all back safe and sound. Truthfully, this decision made him want to get you all out of here fast. Who was to say they didn't send his people out because they were disposable? They were strangers after all. That very well could have been their plan when Eric and Aaron drug them here.

Hours went by and Rick was still anxiously pacing the streets. Michonne, Sasha, and even Maggie tried to talk to him. Get him to go and rest inside. Or at least drink some damn water, but he wasn't having it.

"He's out there alone," Rick snapped, and Maggie frowned. "Glenn is with him, Rick. So is Noah, Tara, and Eugene. They will keep him safe, and you know that." The man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Sorry," Maggie shook her head at her friends' apology. "I don't like this any more than you do, Rick. You just gotta trust them. They're our family, we know they can handle themselves." He nodded again, looking at Maggie with a smile. "Thank you," she nodded, handing the bottle of water to Rick before departing.

Another hour went by before you were home. The crew pretty beat up, and everyone was doing their best to hide that from Rick as he came stomping up to the door.

"Get out of my way," He sneered, and everyone did. These last few months had been harsh on him. It had been harsh on all of you, but he seemed to take it the worse. The longer out there in those woods, running camp to camp. The colder and meaner he got. You hardly even recognized him half the time.

"Rick," you called out, limping over to the man as he pushed through the crowd toward you. He embraced you in a hug that both of you needed. His grip was tight around you. One hand on your back, the other cradling the back of your head. Ricks eyes fell shut while he burried his face into the side of your head. Taking in your scent.

"Are you okay?" He asked when he felt you tremble in his grasp. He couldn't handle it when you cried, and hearing you just sniffle so close to his ear had him glaring at Deanna. His eyes narrowed, brows casting a shadow over his irises that made them dark as night.

His hand rubbed slowly at your back as he waited for you to calm down. He noticed that Tara and Noah weren't in the group. Aiden wasn't there, either. He hated to admit it, but he hoped that if he lost people. Then Deanna and the others at least lost one of their own. Even if it was her own son.

"Noah's gone," you muttered, and Rick kissed your temple. "If it weren't for Glenn and Eugene," you shuddered, "Nicholas would have left me back," you told him and noticed how every muscle in his body seemed to tense. You wanted to stop the man from raging out, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. Why should you stop him when Nicholas was just going to leave you to die back there? If anything, maybe this would teach Nicholas a lesson.

Rick nodded, looking down at you with such soft eyes. Such a contrast to how he looked at Deanna and the others that he considered strangers. He planted a kiss on your forehead while he muttered a soft "I'm glad you're safe," before pulling back away from you.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Nicholas backed up the closer Rick got to him. Deanna went to interfere but Glenn pulled her away. A wise thing to do with the look Rick had in his eyes. He didn't care who got in his way, he was on a war path.

Nicholas shook his head while Rick continued to get closer. "He- He's lying!" He snapped, and Rick snarled. The older male shoved the younger one against the wall. "You wanna repeat that to me, asshole?" He barked, and Nicholas cowered. "I wasn't, I was going to go back, I swear! They left Aiden behind!" Rick could hear a sob rip from Deanna, but he didn't give a damn. This was on them, not you guys.

"Glenn," Rick snapped, and Glenn cleared his throat. "Aiden shot a walker that had a grenade on its belt. It blew up, Aiden got impaled, and Tara is in the infirmary with a bag gash to her head. She's unconscious. Nicholas didn't listen and..." Glenn looked down at his feet. His heart was in his throat, tears brimming his eyes before he reached up to wipe his face with a sigh. "Noah is dead too, we lost one of our own, not just Aiden." He spoke, and Rick nodded. That was all he needed to know.

The former sheriff seemed to calm down. His expression softened and Nic thought he was free of whatever the hell Rick was thinking of doing to him. His grip loosened on his jacket, too. Maybe he was being let out free of harm? That was the understatement of the year, though.

His calm demeanor was simply the calm before the storm. His grip was quick to tighten again with one hand. The other arm winded back before his fist collided with the side of the blonde's face.

"You idiot!" Rick shouted, punch after punch to the man's face. It wasn't until someone pulled him off that he stopped, but he wasn't done there. His elbow threw back. Spencer took a blow to the jaw from the Sheriff. Nicholas took this as a chance to land a few blows on Rick. Blood smearing over your lover's face.

You stepped in, finally. You let him give Nicholas what he deserved, but you knew if you didn't stop him he would kill the man and maybe even Spencer. No matter how much you and Glenn wanted him dead, you each knew that wasn't the right thing to do.

Glenn pushed Spencer and Nicholas back with Michonne who had run over to the scene. You grabbed Rick by the shoulders while pushing him back.

"Rick, look at me, you need to stop this," you started, but Rick was still out of it. All he saw was red and he wasn't about to let you stop him. "He got our people killed," he exclaimed, and you nodded in understanding. "I know, but killing him won't bring Noah back or fix Tara," you spoke sternly, and he huffed.

"You could have died," his voice was a lot frailer than before. It sounded like what you imagined a flickering candle flame would sound like. Fragile, small, one simple blow and it would disintegrate into the night air with a string of smoke following behind.

"Rick, I'm right here," you told him, holding the sides of his face. Forcing the man to look you in your eyes, which he did. "I can't lose you," he muttered with wild and worried eyes. He looked so torn and broken. He was so tired, he couldn't rest. Not even behind these walls did he feel safe. He felt like he had to be up every waking hour to watch you, Carl, Judith, and the others. Who's to say they don't end up like Terminus? Or that they aren't worse than those freaks? No one was safe to trust anymore. Not even these people.

"I'm not going anywhere, not right now." You told him, giving his lips a quick kiss. Which he tried with desperation to deepen. He needed you close. He needed to be sure that you were here, but you'd save that for later. Right now you all still had an issue to deal with, and of course, Deanna and the others had to go and ruin your moods again.

"Oh, so your little friend there is your only worry, but my son died and you don't care?" Deanna snapped, and Rick tried to peer over your shoulder to shoot a glare at the woman, but you were quick to redirect his gaze to you.

"We lost people too," Glenn snapped back, but that only seemed to feed the flames of the fire. "If you weren't such a dick maybe you could have gone with them instead of Aiden and me," Nicholas scoffed, and Rick let out a dry laugh. The man ripped from your grasp to look at the other. Your whole group was beginning to wonder if Nicholas had a death wish.

"Me?" Rick asked while pointing to himself and fluttering his lashes. He was approaching the man again, caked in his own blood along with some of Nicholas and Spencers. He looked absolutely insane. Your eyes went wide when you noticed him reach for the pistol stuffed into the back of his belt under his jacket. "Rick," you called out, but he didn't listen.

"You mean... Me?" He asked, waving the gun around, and everyone took a step back. "I would have preferred I went out there rather than you good for nothing sons-a-bitches," Rick started in. "I don't think any of ya really know what goes on outside those goddamn walls. You all think it's all flowers and friends and sunshine, well it ain't!" He yelled, and Nicholas was looking around at everyone for help.

"You all think we're the crazy ones, but we ain't. You guys are the ones living behind a lie! A lie that everything will go back to the way it was!" He screamed with a laugh that followed, and before he could say anything more, Michonne hit him over the head and you were there to catch him.

Everyone fell silent.

You looked up at Michonne and nodded, silently thanking her for stopping Rick. You all knew he was right, but he was getting stupid. None of you wanted to deal with the retaliation of his stupidity, either. Not tonight, anyways.

"I'll get him back to the house. Michonne?" You told everyone, then looked over to your friend. Non-directly asking her to help drag your unconscious boyfriend back to the house.

"Hope I didn't give him a concussion," she spoke under her breath as you both hauled him off. You chuckled, shrugging your shoulders. "He shouldn't have pulled a gun out." You stated, the both of you falling silent once more.

---

When Rick did finally wake up he was alone in your shared bed. His eyes fluttered open while he tried to regain focus. The last thing he remembered was pointing the pistol at Nicholas, and then everything went dark.

"Carl, Jude," He called out, rushing into a sitting position on the bed. Scurrying out of the sheets as he remembered everything that happened. "Darlin'?" He called out when he heard hurried footsteps making their way down the hall to the bedroom door.

When the door opened his hands raced for the lamp on the nightstand. He only stopped his reach when he saw your figure in the door frame. Rick let out a breath he hadn't even noticed he was holding in.

"Sorry 'bout all that," he murmured, reaching up to run the back of his head. The man winced a little when he felt a particular sore spot. "Did someone...?" He went to speak, but you interrupted him as you came to sit next to him on the bed. Shutting the door behind you with a soft 'click.'

"Michonne hit you, you were being stupid," you sighed. He didn't say anything. He only nodded his head softly while dropping his hands to his lap. "I was gettin' a li'l dumb out there," he admitted with a soft chuckle. "Yeah, but we all understand why. We just wish you hadn't pulled that gun, Rick. You should have kept it hidden." You responded, and he had to admit. He was a little surprised. He expected you to tell him that he shouldn't have had the gun in the first place.

"I don' trust 'em." He told you, but you already knew that. Everyone knew that. Even the people of Alexandria knew that. "We know that, Rick. Known that since the barn, handsome," he leaned into your touch and your words when you reached up to run a hand through his hair. Kissing his shoulder before he leaned completely against you. He always felt like he was safe and sound with you. Like he was in another place, free from walkers, and bad people. With just you, the kids, and the rest of your little family.

"I was so scared I'd never see ya again," he murmured, and you shushed him. The both of you crawled onto the bed. Rick lying on top of you with a sigh. "Thought I'd never hear ya call me a dumbass again," he smiled and you rolled your eyes with a laugh. "I don't just call you a dumbass, I've called you smart, handsome, honey," you cooed, giving him a sweet kiss that he ate up like candy. He could never get enough of you, his smile wide.

"I know, I know, y'er sweeter to me than ya should be," he hummed before giving you another deep kiss. The man climbed further onto you, but you pushed his shoulders back. "Rick," you sighed, and he stared down at you with his concerned gaze. A soft and reassuring smile on your face while you reached up to stroke his cheek. "You smell."

Rick couldn't believe you, sneering while rolling his eyes. He couldn't hide the grin that broke onto his face, either. "Well, guess we better shower then," he hummed, leaning back in to press a chaste kiss to your lips.

"We?" You questioned, but he didn't give an answer. He only rolled off of you before grabbing your hand to drag you off the bed. "Rick!" You shouted, and he laughed. "Come on, Michonne hit me pretty hard, I shouldn' be standin' in that shower alone," he told you with a coy smile. His eyes danced with a mix of mischief and innocence. You couldn't say no to him, not now. Not ever.

"Fine, but just a shower. We have a meeting with Deanna," you told him, and he snickered. The man pulled you into the bathroom while shutting the door. Pressing you up against the sink with another kiss. "That's no fun, though," you shook your head, "Rick," you warned, but he could tell by your smile that he could get you to agree to a little more than a shower.

"Please?" He asked with a lip jutted out and those eyes that you just couldn't ever say no to. A sigh left your nostrils before you kissed his chin. "You're a pain in my ass, Rick Grimes." He knew he was, a soft litter of laughs leaving his and your own throat while you both got undressed. "Only yours, honey."

Tag list: (fill out the form in my bio to be added to future tags)

@catt-leya @damnthatjunkie @joelsgeetar

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hii sex witch

im 19 afab and ive never had sex before, i masturbate sometimes but ive never had an orgasm and dont know how to "get it"?.. im generally scared of sex and identified as asexual for a long time but i dont think thats really my deal, im just scared of it. im scared of it being awkward, of my partner not finding me atractive or worse. i dont like how i look naked, and dont imagine anyone ever could. i think my vagina and my boobs look ugly and alien, i preach body positivity and being natural i think all bodies are good no matter how they look but when im faced with the reality of my own body im repulsed by these parts of it. i think something may be broken inside me because i just cant Be Normal about sex, the thought of me having it always makes me stressed and uncomfortable. i want a relationship and i love meeting new people and flirting etc. but when the person i talk to makes any sexual joke or innuendo i get super tense and scared and realise that if things get further they would probably want me to do it... and maybe i could and maybe i even want to but the thought makes me sick with the pressure. this isnt even a question, so i dont know how you could even respond but i dont have anyone i could openly talk about this in my life without feeling super weird or them just brushing it off as "you'll grow up to it" or something, and i just had to say it to someone or else i will eventually explode. hope this all makes sense ❤️‍🩹

hey anon,

come in, get cozy, grab a glass of lemonade, etc. we're gonna be here a minute.

so listen: I swear to GOD this isn't me trying to pull the "you'll grow into it" thing. I am going somewhere different with this I swear. bear with me.

first and foremost, I think the main problem you're experiencing right now is that being 19. I don't mean that in a condescending or belittling way, or to imply that you just don't want to have sex because you're 19. I'm saying that being 19 (and 18, and 20, and 21, and so on) is mostly for being worried about everything and having no idea what's going on. you have to get all that insane anxiety out of your system as early as possible in your adult years so that you can get down to business actually developing a perspective and figuring out what you want to do. I'm not even, like, a LOT older than you but trust me, by the time you're 26 you're going to feel SOOOOO different about things that you don't even realize you have an opinion about right now. when I was 19 I was made pretty much exclusively of anxiety and the cheapest bagels at the grocery store. (eating badly was not helping my anxiety.)

what I'm getting at here is that you're at like a very exciting and terrible formative age when it's the most normal thing in the world to feel like there's something uniquely awful and hideous and unlovable about yourself. when I was 19 the two most important things in the world to me were losing my virginity (lmao) and making sure I never experienced actual emotional intimacy ever because I was sure that if anyone got close enough to really know me they would realize that I was the worst person who ever lived and fundamentally undeserving of human connection. TERRIBLE place to be in; I had a lot of deeply bad and uncomfortable sex because of it.

there's a really easy solution to being terrified of sex, which I wish someone had told me when I was very scared of sex, and it's if having sex sounds like a horrific ordeal you can actually just Not Have Sex. just don't do it. it's actually REALLY easy to not have sex; millions of people do it every single day.

if you like meeting people and flirting, that's awesome! you should do that, having connections and relationships with other people is important. if you don't like sexual jokes and innuendos you can just tell people they make you uncomfortable and ask them not to do that; how they respond is actually a GREAT litmus test for whether or not those are people you should keep hanging out with. if someone isn't able to not make sexual comments about you after you've asked them not to, kick 'em to the curb!

there are tons of people in all kinds of romantic relationships who aren't having sex. that's a perfectly fine and reasonable boundary to set. it can make things a little more complicated, sure, but dating and romance and love are all complicated and messy anyway. again, great way to VERY EFFICIENTLY weed out who is and isn't a suitable potential partner. (it's also fine to not want a partner, either; there's nothing wrong with being a sociable extrovert who doesn't want to have sex.)

there's nothing broken about you for being nervous about the idea of having sex. whether you identify as asexual or not, it's perfectly fine to feel that way. it's completely fine if you change your mind tomorrow or if you feel this way for the rest of your life. and you might! maybe sex will never sound awesome for you, and that's fine! again, tons of people living very good and happy lives every day without having sex! sex isn't a measure of maturity, but knowing yourself well enough to honor your own boundaries and desires is.

I hope a kinder attitude towards your own body can come with time, and I think it will. be gentle with yourself, alright? being 19 is very silly but unfortunately very necessary, and I think you'll really like what comes after if you let yourself relax a little. whatever you feel like right now, you're actually a very normal person, by which I of course mean you have a rich and brilliant mind and will do many quietly wonderful things in your life and will be deserving of every bit of love and joy that comes your way.

also, hey - have you ever seen a therapist about anxiety? I also should have done that when I was 19.

[kittyscarfredux]

FAQ about locking up / needing to pee so bad you can't pee

Q: Does this happen in real life or is it some kind of weird whump fantasy?

A: I don't know what it is about me posting situations inspired by things my body does in real life and people telling me it's unrealistic, but I assure you it happens lmao.

Q: How does it work?

A: I've seen two explanations for it that both sound plausible, 1. that you have been too tense for too long and it takes the body a minute to switch gears and figure out that it's ok to pee, and 2. that the bladder is so overstretched that it doesn't have strength to contract

Q: How does it feel?

A: It feels like you get in position with full intent to pee, you relax the voluntary part, and the autonomic part that you normally don't notice because you do it several times a day without a hitch doesn't respond. It feels like the bladder isn't even attached to the urethra and there's no way to empty it. You feel around and clench and unclench your muscles, trying to find the one that is in the way and thinking "wtf, how do I usually pee", but you cannot find it because your conscious brain does not control that action. If you're used to this, you're probably just thinking "god damn not this shit again", but if someone has never had this happen before or it's taking longer than they're used to, or they're on a time limit, they might be panicking about what will happen if they CAN'T PEE and they have to go to the HOSPITAL

Gradually things come back online and there might be at least one "false alarm" that feels like preparing to pee and then just cramps instead. When a stream eventually starts, it's weak, like it is just draining out with gravity and can't be pushed out any faster than that.

How long it lasts depends on the severity, it could be as mild as a few seconds of hesitation and then a stream that starts off weak and eventually speeds up once the worst of the pressure is let off, or it could be as bad as 3-5 minutes of nothing and then 3-5 minutes of slowly trickling out the entire volume. I have seen stories of people having even worse experiences, like someone who had to drive home and get in the bath

Q: Is it the same thing as pee shyness?

A: No, it's caused by being too full and tense, so it can happen even in a "safe" and non-anxiety-inducing place to pee, although both situations can compound each other

Q: Does pressing or massaging it help?

A: I am just one person and cannot answer this for everyone, but I cannot emphasize how much externally pressing it before the opening has relaxed enough to let anything out does not help and if my well-intentioned partner did this to me like characters do in fics I would slap or kick or bite them. You could play this for comedy if you want your desperate character to suffer a little more and your helper character to get slapped or kicked or bitten, or you could have your helping character rub their hand or shoulders instead or talk to them while they wait. Externally pressing once it is already coming out can help to keep the stream going and feel if there is still some left when it stops

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x gender neutral!reader

Tell Me You’re Okay

- Spencer is one traumatised boy we been knew

- and he opened up to you about pretty much all of it prior to asking you out. you’d already confessed your feelings towards him, but with all his baggage, he wanted to be sure you knew what you were getting yourself into

- he cried, you cried, and you ended up embracing each other in an emotional heap

- when you held Spencer’s face and kissed him, he knew that you had stayed, despite everything he’d told you and everything he believed to be wrong with him. you stayed

- you were aware of the horrors of the world, especially the one’s that Spencer’s job helped protect people from, but you arent on the team

- you’re a sweetheart, a kind soul, someone with a smile that lights up a room as soon as you walk in

- to Spencer, you’re like a ray of sunshine. a beaming person, quite literally. he’d never known such a bright person before, the only one to come close would be Penelope

- you are a being of pure joy, and Spencer feels like it is his job - more than that, the very reason he was put on this earth, was to protect you

- so when away on a case following a serial of victims who all resembled you ever so slightly, he couldnt help the fear and anxiety that built within him

- this only got worse when he looked at the crime scene of the victim murdered a few minutes after the team landed, the victim looked more like you than any of the previous ones

- the more Penelope informed the team of the habits and lifestyles of the victims, the more Spencer found himself making mental notes of all the similarities they had with you

- he couldnt just abandon the case and fly home to you, he had to figure out the case, but just having the slightest involvement of you, the mere idea of someone trying to harm his angel...Spencer found the case personally difficult, to say the least

- but he checked in with you regularly, texted every moment he could, made sure to call you every night but never for long because he didnt want you to miss out on sleep because of him

- Spencer didnt tell you that the case was bothering him, but you could tell, and since you didnt want to pester him, you found other ways to get through to him

- during the day, even if you knew he wouldnt see the texts for hours, you’d send him sweet messages cheering him on and making him smile

- anytime Spencer checked his phone, he’d seen an utterly adorable text from you

hey love! making jello cuz I miss you 🥰

- emojis arent Spencer’s vocabulary of choice, but he finds your use of them very endearing

- your messages reassured him more than he could possibly express, but he still couldnt properly relax at any point

- somehow this got worse after the team caught the killer. Spencer knew you were safe without a doubt, though he also knew you were safe from the beginning because he was states away, but you were now safe even from his paranoid thoughts

- let’s not forget that his last proper gf died horribly in front of him lmao so his paranoia is justified bless him

- sitting on the plane home, Spencer is restless, needing to get back to you more than he’d ever needed anything in his life

- he’d texted you to say he was on his way home, so of course you are sitting on the couch all cozy in your pj’s waiting for him

- as soon as you hear the door unlocking, you jump to your feet and bound over to him with the buggest grin on your face

- Spencer feels his entire body relax with the deepest sigh when he sees you

- you practically jump on him, wrapping your arms around his neck and legs around his waist, squealing with excitement, making Spencer laugh for the first time in a week, the kind of laugh that only happens around you

“Spence!! I’ve missed you so much!” You cheer, sounding almost as relieved as he feels.

“I’ve missed you too, so much, there arent even words-“ He feels himself getting choked up, and you’re quick to jump off him

- your hands cup his face, gently forcing him to look at you as you frown at him with concern

“Hey, what’s going on? Talk to me sweetheart.”

- Spencer sniffles, his own hands unable to leave your hips, his thumbs drawing circles on them

“Just...tell me you’re okay, please.”

- he sees the way your heart melts, he can tell just from looking in your eyes

- the most beautiful, soft smile overtakes your face

“Spence, anytime you’re around, ‘okay’ is the most inaccurate term I could possibly use.”

- Spencer chuckles at this

“Forgive me, what’s a more accurate term?”

- you beam, standing on your tiptoes and leaning close to his face, your lips mere centimetres away from his when you whisper your answer

“Perfect.”

[batboybisexualism]

ugggggggh today I had a surprise extra dog walk, and I'm already on a dog-sit so I had to leave sweet miss Bailey alone at home three times today, and she gets separation anxiety so that was hard 😭 also while walking Finn and Leo in the park I not only had to deal with every single one of the dozens of people I passed on the walk not moving out of the fucking way, like I swear people are allergic to sharing the path in that park and the path is like eight feet wide, so I always have to drag the dogs over to the grass next to the path which isn't as smooth and it's usually muddy and/or covered in fallen tree branches etc so it's harder to navigate without tripping especially with those insane dogs pulling me all over the place, ANYWAY not only did I have to deal with that but I also had maybe the worst asthma attack I've ever had and I didn't have my inhaler so my lungs have been sore all day and I can't fucking breathe normally 😭😭😭

ALSO I went to swap out the tip on the syringe for my t-shot from the drawing needle to the injecting needle and when I screwed it in I heard a cracking sound...didn't really think anything of it because when I aspirated the needle it seemed to be working fine, but once I jabbed myself and pushed the plunger down all the t oil just squirted out of the side of the base of the needle tip and all over my leg lmaooooooo so now I have to call my endo and be like "hey I spilled my boy juice can I have more" and idk what they're going to say because I just had to refill it early because I'd been giving myself a double dose because they didn't fucking tell me how much to inject into myself so I had to guess 😅😅😅😅😭😭😭😭😭😭

I feel like absolute shit I feel so sick and exhausted and I haven't been able to sleep lately because I'm in so much pain and can't ever find a comfortable position and my restless leg syndrome has been so insanely bad idkkkkkk it's just so stupid I honestly can't wait for my surgery next week because I'll be taking two weeks off to recover lmao............if my surgery even happens lol who fucking knows!!!! and like yeah I'll feel way better dysphoria-wise but I'll also be post-surgery lol so physically I'm probably going to feel even worse than I do now!!!!!!!!! why am I aliiiiivvvveeeeeeeeeeeee