#this situation is supposed to be rare
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I'm weak for the kind of dynamic where Connor is the calm one, the helping hand stretched to Hank. An invitation to help him up, and a promise to still be there to keep him moving when he no longer has strength and will to do so on his own. Connor is stable. He has the kind of superhuman physical strength and machine-like resilience in face of a cold reality. Goal-oriented and determined but still compassionate. Hank isn't weak nor that impressionable either, far from it, but somehow he's still reminded of his human weaknesses when confronted with Connor who seems to be well-composed no matter how strong is the pressure. He was made to perform under pressure, it's a second nature for him.
But then, finally, something fairly minor (from Hank's point of view) tipping something within him out of balance, setting him off, completely shattering his seemingly unbreakable composure. And suddenly he's the one in desperate need of a shoulder and some reassurance, a word of support. Hopefully, he'll get both.
#dbh#dbh connor#dbh hank#actually#hankcon#I like seeing this android completely broken but ONLY when it feels like something that is hard to achieve#you know when he's established as “unbreakable” as opposed to the opposite#there's too nany of the opposite#this situation is supposed to be rare#it should feel *deserved* with first having him endure a thunderstorm and being unaffected#only then#is he allowed to crumble
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Thinking very hard about an AU idea of mine. Reluctant king Sabo AU!
In which Sabo isn’t saved by Dragon, but survives long enough to drift ashore and be saved by the doctors of Goa Kingdom, who do so only to ransom his medical bills from Sabo’s parents. Sabo’s parents take him back, thinking that his amnesia makes him a clean slate, but Sabo, young and stubborn and unsure of his entire identity, knows that everything is wrong and runs again, and again, and again.
Until at some point, he meets the Revolutionaries, and realizes that he can be useful to them, provide them information, make something good of an inescapable situation. From then on, he starts acting the noble that he was born as, in order to be a more useful informant to the Revolutionaries, until sunk cost fallacy hits and he believes that being a noble is the only way that he can be useful to the Revolutionaries. So at that point, why not take it all the way?
At 17, Sabo becomes one of Princess Sarie’s suitors, and at 17, he has doubts about using the princess for his own goals. Sarie is a romantic, and she wants a dramatic fairy tale of a romance, and she was already charmed, but the moment Sabo opens up to her about not wanting to use her to get to the throne, having lofty ambitions of helping the people (just not the people she thinks he’s talking about), Sabo becomes the one she simply must marry, because surely if she tries hard enough, she can make him love her back.
Soon after, the king and his son die. Sarie’s father and brother die. And while Sabo conveniently ascends to the throne, he also swiftly implicates his father, Outlook, in the assassination of all heirs to the throne, resulting in Outlook’s arrest and subsequent execution. And thus, at 18, Sabo becomes king, and begins to gradually institute great changes to Goa Kingdom.
Design-wise, Sabo wears an eyepatch because his damaged eye is considered a grotesque sight by nobles’ standards. Under the eyepatch, he wears heavy makeup to hide the burn scar. These are both at the behest of his birth parents, who spin a story about Sabo having been born half blind to hide the fact that Sabo had been shot by a Celestial Dragon and save face. To those who have seen his scar, they fabricate a second secret story that he was unfortunately kidnapped as a child. Sabo never does find out, until he regains his memories, where the burn scar is actually from.
#one piece#sabo#one piece au#king sabo au#I might write something for this#I have a lot of ideas for it#I love au’s where sabo helps the revolution while not being actually a member of the revolutionary army#but I very rarely see ones that I like#I am going to oc-ify sarie so much.#i think sabo would hate being king. I think he hates everything about the situation he is in#but I also think that in the wake of forgetting himself he needs some connection to cling onto#even if that connection is the extremely inspiring stranger that barely knows him but is proud of him for helping#namely dragon.#I’m still unsure where to put stelly in all of this#I think stelly gets extremely bitter when sabo starts surpassing him in everything#because he was supposed to be the successful replacement of a son#im also debating whether or not I want sabo to remember his memories before or after marineford#because the moment he regains his memories is very clear to me. I want garp to see him at the reverie and punch him.#but I don’t know if I want that to happen earlier or later
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My husband came up with this idea that made me see Ionius in a slightly different way: Edelgard mentions that the Empire "demands many heirs" in her Goddess Tower support w/ Byleth, hence why Ionius had a load of kids by different women. Normally I'd think "wow that's stupid, way to invite a power struggle after you're dead" but what if it's actually an Empire tradition? Like, Ionius maybe is the first Emperor in a while to try to consolidate power but maybe only one of many to have a ton of kids, AND the reason is not only to have a kid with a Crest, but that the Slitherers practice Crest experimentation on each generation of heirs with the hope of creating a two-crested Nemesis clone to help them kill off the Nabateans. Ionius just happened to be the survivor of his batch of siblings. Maybe having 10-11 kids is to make sure that some of them will live long enough to be the next Emperor, and that's why the "Empire demands many heirs."
Oh!
FWIW, the Index of Imperial Nobility mentions how House Vestra is supposed to "coordinate things such as Imperial Consorts", adding to that how House Vestra has been at the Hresevelgs' back since the danw of the Empire, yeah, we can make a pretty good case that Adrestia has a long standing tradition of, uh, imperial consorts and all.
It can be seen as dumb because it invites power struggles, but it avoids the issue that could very well have happened with the Kingdom, aka Dimitri ded = the King's direct line is dead and it's chaos because one of the first duties of a King/Emperor/Leader under those kinds of hereditary systems is, well, to secure a heir - the lineage cannot be broken!
(that's where we usually have sekrit heirs popping up from nowhere in some kinds of stories, or bastard children !)
Having multiple Consorts - thus a large number of heirs - makes it sure that the line will not be broken as easily as, idk, a baby choking on a pretzel or a serious flu.
However, as Hanneman mentions in Hubert's support, having dozens of consorts means creating dozens of families who suddenly have to get some privileges bcs the Emperor is figging their daughters - and depending on how powerful those families are, if the Emperor obviously favors one kid over the others (or pisses on one over the others) one of those families might not be happy and start shit in the Empire - taking more and more consorts means shaving little by little the power of the Emperor in Adrestia!
(and guesses who spearheads the insurrection? Arundel, one of those "consort kin"!)
The topic of Ionius' 11 children is sadly forgotten by the plot - but iirc Word of God said the Ordelias (Lysithea) were experimented upon as a test, and when the Agarthans had, uhhh, conclusive results, they experimented on the Hresvelgs.
Given who was in charge when Ordelia was ran over by Adrestia - even if no character mentions the consequences or make a link because you have tea bags to sell - imo it would totally make sense that Ionius killed two birds with one stone : flexing his underdeveloped muscles at peons who helped people who dared to betray him, and getting guinea pigs for his plans to get the strongest Emperor ever.
Bear in mind that the Ordelia fuckery was done before the Insurrection aka, Ionius had this plan before Ludwig'n'co decided to depose him!
(Was Vestra aware of what was going on? Who were the Agarthans working with Ionius? Is it a situation à la Manfroy'n'Arvis, people disapproving of the Emperor listening at shady people?)
The Ordelia experiments leads me to believe the plan to become "super strong with dual crests" was hatched and developed during the Ionius era, but again, the game is so crappy at lore building that we don't even know if Ionius had 10 (legitimate) sibs, or only 5, and what they are doing when Supreme Leader is running the show, or did when Ionius was defanged.
Granted, we don't know since when Agarthans are slithering in Adrestia - if we believe the "Willy's sekrit history" was tampered with and assume Supreme Leader was telling the truth, that it was passed down in generations, maybe Agarthans were slowly manipulating Adrestian Emperor to get their revenge on Nabateans (in Nopes, a book about the rebellion of the Southern Church mentions how the Emperor wanted to cut ties with the Central Church anyways since a long time, but doesn't explain why).
And so, maybe Agarthans devised several plans, that all failed, to make the Hresvelgs turn against the Church and be strong enough to be flattened in 5 seconds, and it only worked during Ionius' era ?
We will never know, but it's still fun to think and headcanon about!
To bounce back on the "Adrestia demands many heirs" thing, given how I am fond of a certain AU, what if
This came up as a reaction to the entire Lycaon debacle?
Wilhelm 1 picked a heir, his heir died "to a mysterious illness" and instead of assuming rulership or helping another heir to rule - like he did for Lycaon - Wilhelm bailed out of Adrestia.
It could be explained by Lycaon being the golden child and favourite kid of his dad, so if he's not the one ruling, Dad doesn't give a fuck anymore about his Empire... or -
What if Lycaon was Willy's only child, and the subsequent Hresvelgs are "cousins" or members of a branch family?
In that case, it wouldn't be Willy playing favourites, but bailing out because his own son "suddenly fell ill and died" and he wouldn't be as involved as he was in helping his own kid, if now we're talking about helping a great grand-nephew or someone else.
(Rhea would have had to give a transfusion to the subsequent Emperor - i name her by convenience Hildegarde bcs no imagination and it's faster to type than "the female emperor who succeeded Lycaon and dueled against Ferdie's ancestor who wanted the throne" - to make people believe there is a direct continuity between Wilhelm, Lycaon, Hildegarde and her future heirs).
In that "only kid" scenario, it would also justify why House Hresvelg became so obsessed with taking Consorts and having a lot of heirs - Adrestia was nearly left Emperor-less after Lycaon's death because they had no other heirs to pick a successor from...
#anon#replies#adrestia stuff#FE16#is it the ionius hour?#is it the wilhelm hour?#is it wolf (fe16)'s hour?#wow a trio of adrestian emperors! that's rare!#what if willy never had 120 children but to avoid the issues he brought to Adrestia by abandoning everyone#his successors make sure to have 120 children?#the lack of bastards or cousins or branch lines of the Hresvelg family is just baffling imo#ffs in Faerghus we heard about Lambert's brother and we see him more or less planning a coup#but in Adrestia? Are we supposed to believe Ionius was an only child? When Imperial Consorts are a thing in Adrestia? Seriously???#I stand by an earlier hc#gatekeeper and his twin are distant relatives of the imperial family due to the 120 children things#'from nuvelle to myrddin everyone can have a claim to the throne'#a popular adrestia saying i came up with to explain the consequences of the 120 children#by claim it's just a blood tie sometimes distant from 8 generations#but hey with a history of 1k years#TFW Bob the carpenter in Remire is born with a major seiros crest when prince Erik has none at birth#Fodlan AU#there is a fic if you want about Willy having to take wives to make alliances and Seiros having to deal with lycaon in the oven#it's not how I would write Rhea acting in a similar situation nor willy but if you're interested it's worth a read!
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I put "Dragon treats" as a suggestion and it's like I suggested we nuke an entire breed from the site at random lol
I mean it was overall slightly useless, but it was a cheap treasure marketplace item that just granted 24 hours of a happy emote for a dragon just because.
#flight rising#I mean it was overall useful in very rare situations but#tbh So is most of the site's features?#I'll respond on site when I have the time to deal with people being negative about literally an idea that was just supposed to be fun
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#I am struggling so hard to pinpoint where the lines are in discussions of situations like the franke and hildebrandt behaviors#because like ok#people keep being so outraged and angry and baffled that they viewed the kids as#deliberately willful and disobedient#and then transitioned into believing them to be infected with evil and or influenced or possessed by demons or under satanic influence#and that’s where everyone is like HOW COULD THEY THINK THIS HOW COULD THEY TELL THEM THAT HOW COULD THEY ETC ETC#and that’s where everyone loses me#like yeah. of course it’s wrong. of course it’s damaging and shitty. but like. what in the world is everyone so shocked and upset by#about that concept (not the physical abuse it caused obviously)#how are you shocked. how are you shocked? it’s just the logical conclusion of believing children have disobedient evil wills#like if you assume evil you’re only going to escalate from there. OBVIOUSLY#I don’t understand how it’s different#where do things cross these lines? no one explains that to me#normal life as usual while tons of kids including me spend years or decades believing we’re evil and under stubborn satanic influence#but in one of the rare situations where it rises to public awareness suddenly everyone is shitting bricks over it#I want those kids drowned in love forever and I wish it never happened to them and their situation#was definitely so so so extreme and severe and I am so glad R was so brave and desperate and got them out#but like. how is everyone so shocked#this is standard. this is common. there’s a huge subculture of people doing and believing this shit#like why is it different just because this case is so visible#so like how is it so hard for people to grasp that this is a widespread issue#I don’t understand#of COURSE it’s wrong to do to someone but like#so many parents and adults do so many of the things these two did just less#fewer hours. less intensely. not in a desert. not with handcuffs and shit. etc.#where’s the line legally? where’s the line culturally?#like how am I supposed to grasp that it’s not a problem until it’s at some level that#I know it’s all Bad but I mean in terms of when the populace starts to mass-care
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the Damar Hamilin situation is horrific for a lot of reasons, obviously, but it still just... i am honestly at a loss for words at how the NFL is&has been handling it.
like, this wasn't a mistake or an accident, this was a function of the game&a clean play. there was no foul, as far as i could tell or have heard. an extremely healthy&well trained young man almost fucking died as a function of the game, &the NFL is not only trying to deny their callousness at the event in general:
they have got whole cardiologists on deck trying to explain what happened like it wasn't a CLEAN HIT THAT STOPPED HIS HEART ON NATIONAL TELEVISION:
[image text: From your perspective, what are the possible causes of Hamlin's cardiac arrest?
Dr. Baggish: There's a long list: there are genetic and congenital abnormalities which could be at play, I know there's been speculation about the blunt force from the tackle, but I would say that it's really premature to make any speculation. In fact, to jump to a conclusion would be a mistake. The diagnosis of commotio cordis, for example [which refers to a fatal disruption of the heart rhythm from a blow to the chest], is what we call a diagnosis of exclusion, meaning other things have been eliminated. We would never conclude that unless other factors have been ruled out. /text]
this shit is fucking evil.
#like i had to stop looking at articles about this last night bc some of them just fucking made me wild.#&like i just cant believe how comfortable this organization is about making it clear how disposable their players#are. i have so many feelings&thoughts about how this is supposed to be the dream for so many poor kids#esp poor kids of colour. how my brothers gave whole parts of their bodies as literal children to the cause of#sports scholarships&what potential that could give them. how not only is that already a pipe dream for the most part#but even the lucky ones end up. here.#arguing about their rights after a career worth of concussions&having literal brain damage played down#&thats without even getting into the very obvious racial aspect of things.#like i know i shouldnt be surprised at all after the last few years but. like is just.#like another article talks to a different cardiologist who calls this a 'rare condition' which only really impacts kids in sports.#&its like. okay so even when youre willing to acknowledge the reality of the situation you STILL need to act like this is a fReAk AcCiDeNt?#&your way to do that is by saying 'oh this usually only happens to KIDS who play these sports'?????? fucking WHAT???
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YALL A GIRL BOUGHT ME A DRINK YESTERDAY AND I GOT HER NUMBER!!!!
#oni talks#thoughts#idek what else to tag this as but like#raaahhhhbim so excited and happy!!! we swapped Spotifies too and she even asked my sign#also we’re getting together again this Friday! also I’m technically supposed to find other stuff for us to do but im indecisive/unsure what#All she’d like yet?? also I wore like 6inch heels and barely came up to her height#she was so nice and cool!!! and we’re in the same/similar situation!!#also she actually takes some level of initiative which like idk if yall have noticed but that’s lowkey RARE AS FUCK#my one regret that night (aside from the man that broke my purse) is that I forgot what artist she asked me about#it’s funny I was originally gonna leave early but then she appeared!!!#I don’t wanna be TOO hopeful bc it’s early but like!!! I have so many activity ideas!!#also this is really hammering in that I desperately need to clean and organize my place omfg#coz how tf am I gonna invite her over for shit if it’s like this aahhh#also I hope she likes the music I sent/is on my account aahh#she texted me as soon as she left that she wanted to hug me and I just AAAAHHHHHH
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday 😌#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose 😔✋️#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy 😭#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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its so funny comparing the different pseudo-gods that have been created so far (currently only two have proper drawn forms but there areeee.... give or take five fleshed out ones?)
even just comparing the foxes .... the difference between these two is. impressive
while fundamentally the same thing, one of them is significantly more obvious on purpose while the other is just trying to seem like a regular fox (even though sometimes she does choose to walk bipedally, its usually to grab attention)
#haunted ecosystem#project: terralith#TECHNICALLY she wasnt supposed to be canon to main terra cuz she has a different purpose in one of the AUs#but it fun to translate the AU character into a more canon character to see how it goes and yeah :3#they both technically feed on magic but marisol does it much more passively just by proximity#zenith is....... different. he's weird even by pseudo-god standards and he is lucky he hasnt been killed yet tbh#zenith can/does disguise his coloration on occasion since thats a Choice. but thats rare and only in situations where he cannot stand out#<- especially prevalent in. sundew. he does it the most there#ALSO the differences here are very intentional. zenith is Trying to appear human-ish when he takes the form on the left.#he *can* disguise as mostly human but that wasnt shown since it changes a Lot depending on the kind of people he's around
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That nosleep post about the lady who killed her husband who came back six months later is making me think things
#random thoughts#horror#six months ago you killed your husband and buried him under your petunias#and as his body laid there and was fed to your flowers it. awakened something in them#they infest him. digging their roots through his nervous system and thoroughly rooting themselves in his brain#eventually they dig their way into his lungs and they take a breath filled with moss and soil#they dig their way out under the dead of night#and their memory is limited but from what limited synapses are still firing they remember you. and they know your touch.#you grew them from seeds. you are their mother. you are their god. you are their wife. you are everything.#they are mostly piloted by muscle memory. they know not of what drives them to do the things they do#complete removal of inhibitions. not weighed down by other people's expectations of what they're supposed to be#in some ways this is the best you've known your husband in all the years you've known him#they awaken from their dirt nap and begin to wander#your husband is found the next day by the local lake. his clothes are nowhere to be found.#(they wanted to become clean for you)#so your husband returns to you. he becomes reclusive. rarely leaving the house. spends most of his time in books or otherwise reading#(they want to become knowledgeable for you)#he treats you with reverance. he stays one step behind you like a living shadow. he will not leave the house without you there with him.#(you are all that matters)#btw this is very much a hivemind situation going on. several tens of petunias now form your deceased husband's cerebral cortex#they lack very much distinction from each other but they ARE multiple#their blood is thin and watery. they eat little unless asked. they become sluggish and sleep for days at a time during cold weather.#their body is self-seeding. their consciousness will remain but vary due to new seedlings taking over as the old ones wither and die within.#feel like when they awaken they know who YOU are and that they are YOUR husband and then they become obsessed with being the perfect husband#and then have an identity crisis when they learn your ACTUAL husband was. less than stellar#'i can be whatever you want as long as it gives me purpose'#when kissed they taste slightly sweet. mostly earthy. kind of floral. with a bitter aftertaste#your old husband didn't want kids. this confuses new husband#like even after they work through their 'i am an object to fulfill a need' phase they just REALLY want kids#you two have a daughter named melissa :-]
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#i think it was already pretty obvious that paddy and mcgonigal were supposed to be the achilles and patroclus of ww2#it kills me that stirling walked inside paddy's tent and just outwardly compared his situation to achilles'#can this show be more heavy-handed than that?#whenever there is a ''good'' joke (which happens rarely) or ref they can't help reasserting it#just in case we didn't get it the first time#which makes it unrewatchable for me#it's also very britishly self-congratulating which in itself is already barely watchable#they should have taken more notes from amc's the terror and not just for the gay plotline but whatever#i'll keep watching cause there's only one ep left and i really like augustin he reminds me a lot of milo from atlantis#i also understand paddy to some degree it makes me crazy too not to have many people to talk about literature with#i just won't become a war criminal about it though
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I’m realizing I rarely post about new girl despite it being one of my favorite shows ever beginning to end & one of my most re watched shows but I think it’s just because I have so few criticisms of it 😂 like that seems weird to say but what is there to say about a show you think is just about perfect? top tier character arcs hilarious & heartfelt there’s literally almost nothing I’d change. I guess I usually post more about shows there’s more to say about idk
#new girl is just a rare show I’d say is just about perfect#I’d have to really reach & think hard & nitpick go criticize it#I just feel like it’s a top tier show & highly underrated#it should be hailed as one of the best sit coms ever. to me#I really want to do some happenstance plots based on it#but the main problem with that is that all of new girls humor is SO character based#it becomes really difficult to base a plot with new characters on it#it’s not that other sit coms don’t use character based humor they do#but new girl rarely uses situational comedy that could possibly ever work with different characters than what they’re using#if that makes sense#I suppose that’s what makes it such a good show#new girl#tv tag
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Just tallied up the total costs of all materials and equipment used in for my TriStamp Vash cosplay 😬😬😬 You guys get one guess each
Fortunately since I'm a slow crafter and it was made across six months, the actual spend per month cost isn't too bad. Some stuff like equipment, the wig cap, some materials can also be re-used across projects, so that's also good.
...Not that I'm particularly planning on being cost effective for the next project. Do you think big mechanical wings are going to be CHEAP to make? Dream on. My slow crafting will once again save my wallet in spreading out the costs :)
#the thing about me. is i am both stingy in some ways. and impulsive on bigger purchases in other ways.#eg 90% of my clothes is from second hand charity stores and i very rarely buy food while out and about#really only if i'm out at an event or with friends.#otherwise I just resist until i get home for the ultimately cheaper option of Food At Home.#like the days I forget to bring lunch to work and just sustain myself on the meagre offerings of biscuits and fruit available in the kitche#instead of buying from the many nearby options#and i refuse to replace electronics until they are BROKEN for real#shout out to my 5 year old phone that's got terrible battery life now#and my... 8? 8 year old headphones. babey when those break I will be upset.#BUT THEN IN OTHER WAYS?????#all my anime figurine purchases????? the expensive bedside table I got earlier this year????#some of my cosplay materials?????? why did i buy kinda expensive iron-on patches for the jacket without hesitation....#don't worry about it. i'm still good at saving money at least. very strict in setting a portion of my income aside#yes i am very lucky to be able to do that. i will continue to live with my beloved mother until uhhh the Australian housing/rental crisis#and cost of living crises improves. if that ever happens. or the situation otherwise changes i suppose.#anyway. cheers for reading my effusive ramblings in my tags. tumblr is my diary and I'm subjecting you to it.#ramblings of a bystander#a bystander makes cosplay
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Suchhhhhhh a good day
•lovely sunny weather but not too hot
•didn’t have work and don’t have work tomorrow
•took a shower in the morning and had my hair braided right after while still wet
•got bakery goods mmm
•made toffee and chopped some up which was really satisfying
•wore two different comfy cute outfits that I really enjoy and feel myself in
•blasted ridiculous songs on the way back from the bakery and looked ridiculous in a lovely way
•crocheted blanket I’m working on
•DIDNT GET A HEADACHE DIDNT GET A GLINT OF HEADACHE NOT EVEN AN INKLING OF PREHEADACHE
As far as getting things accomplished I didn’t do hardly anything but in the business of enjoying life I excelled today!
#my thoughts#one of the outfits was my carhartt overalls with ny light blue tank top#the other is an athletic tank top with athletic shorts but both actually fit me which I haven’t had any that really fit in years so woooo#oh and it’s a black tank top :) I love wearing black and I thought for a long time it was because wearing color made me anxious#but now that I’m pretty much over that I think I just really love wearing black#I feel sexy in it >:)#saying that as someone who literally never rarely ever feels or is compelled to feel “sexy#I think I’m experiencing something like gender euphoria of late#pardon me for using terms not really suited to my situation I don’t know how else to explain it#but basically I’ve never been enthusiastic really about myself and how I present in the world#being called a woman felt not good. felt like I was not a woman because a woman was supposed to be someone who looked and acted certain#“desirable ways#like I was not what society considered to be a woman. girl was fine I guess and I definitely wasn’t a guy. I just felt like woman was#an incredibly high standard to meet that I did not meet nor really wanted to meet. being called a woman made me internally cringe#I’ve known for a while there’s no right way to be a woman but I think I’ve finally internalized that and am at a point#where I truly love myself and accept myself. and now being a woman seems all right. so being a woman feels euphoric to me#and expressing myself in clothing and other presentations is incredibly fun and feels euphoric#I never really had much of an interest before. probably because I felt like there was some standard I had to meet that I couldn’t and didnt#want to meet. but now I’m discovering what I really like and doing things because it’s fun and silly and goofy and it’s so FUN#anyway. thanks for coming to my ted talk#playing around with gender is beneficial to everyone
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gives a man on the bus some change to cover another fare price because his buddy changed plans on him and now he needs to take a different bus and the bus driver can't give him his change back and then i proceed to psychoanalyze my behaviour in this interaction for the next two hours afterwards, effectively ruining the good experience of being able to help someone out bc i analyze myself directly into a spiral. normal behaviour :o)
#dshghsdgjkl i just... did i use the correct tone? did i say the right words? did i seem rude? i hope i didnt come off as rich#was the bus driver judging me? was the other passenger judging me? i know what i am doing when i help ppl!! i have weighed the cost already#was i supposed to make eye contact during the interaction at all? were my hands shaking? did i accidentally give him the wrong change?#and then the worry of what if he is actually a really shitty person who has hurt a lot of ppl !!!!#but i weighed it out in my mind in between hearing abt the situation and choosing to help fsdjkl i figure its a net positive even if-#-the guy is a shithead fjsdjkl bc like. i got to help someone and maybe it'll have a positive effect on him if he IS shitty#anyways. i am trying hard to just stop thinking abt it fdsgjkl but also. i rarely get to do things for ppl#and i rarely get to experience like. CommunityTM so i cherish when i am able to fsdjkl#i wish there was more community efforts in town but i cannot be the one to stick my neck out and organize it in my current situation RIP#so i just do the little things i am able to when i can fdsjfkl but then this happens afterwards so fsdjkl aughhhh#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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Sukuna assimilating to you
Synopsis: After discovering that Sukuna has been wide awake every time you nap together, you become embarrassed around him.
〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰
It is a scientific fact that when we are around people we love and trust, while in a healthy relationship, the release of oxytocin makes us sleepy.
Sukuna does not need sleep. He is the king of curses, able to continuously use his technique without ever becoming exhausted. When you first suggested that his chambers were "perfect for napping", he had simply raised a brow and considered what that could possibly mean.
You are like a weak creature to him. A kitten or perhaps a rabbit. And since you are never safer than when you are in his presence, you frequently find yourself growing sleepy when you are around him.
Throughout your strange relationship with the king, something that you loved most, is that there never needs to be words exchanged between the two of you. You were both contented to sit in silence. Frequently dozing off together, or so you thought.
You caught on eventually, that he was always awake before you. That his breathing pattern never really changed. That his face never relaxed more than it would if he had simply been sitting with his eyes closed.
One morning, after having stayed the night sleeping, you mumbled to him, "How is it you're always awake before I?"
He rose a brow at you, his upper set of eyes were looking into yours, the lower staring at how you lay across his bed sheets.
"I do not know your meaning." He grumbled out.
You huffed, rolling your eyes. "You never sleep in longer than I do, one day I would like to wake up before you."
"I never sleep at all." He stated before you had even really finished your sentace.
"What?" Your breathy outburst echoed slightly in his bed chamber, "What do you mean you don't sleep?"
"I do not require such things." He turned his torso now toward you, all four eyes studying your face, you had quickly sprung up, seemingly miffed.
"So... so all this time, you've just been... laying there while I've been sleeping?"
"I suppose I have, I do not see how this matters in the slightest." "It matters because I've been... It's just been a big waste of time for you. Sukuna you should have said something." You're upset, he can tell. Your face is scrunched up, your blood is pounding in your veins. Sukuna, however, does not know what to say in this situation.
In all honesty, he figured you knew and were just including him. Did you really think he was that weak? Or could you simply not conceive of a restless existence? Whatever the answer, he had no response for you, expecting a shrug of the shoulders- you he would discover, would not so easily let go of things.
And how humiliated you were. How many HOURS had you spent sleeping with him, within his grasp, in his space for him to have been conscious the whole time? You tried thinking back, attempting to recall a time you had requested a nap when he was uninterested.
He had never uttered a word about it. Never turned you down. Sukuna was not a kind king, he rarely ever did things that were not out of necessity, and he certainly did not do things he didn't like. That, at least, was consolation. You knew he had not been suffering for your sake, but even so, it was embarrassing.
Sukuna, still, could not understand your sheepishness about the subject. He did not care to explain that time works differently for him, that his mind is not so simple as yours and does not require entertainment all the time, that he could sit still for years and not be bothered, and frequently did before you came along.
He assumed you would get over it quickly. In your time as well as his. But days passed and he rarely saw you. You took your dinner with other people of the palace and spoke with him in the most cordial manner. One night, he informed Uraume that they needed to prepare a dish suited for you, something that would entice you, and serve it to him.
He figured this would bring you crawling back to him, tail between your legs. Yet, you did not budge.
Odd.
You were wallowing. You knew it. He did not care to spend time, what? Watching you sleep? Of course, he wouldn't, but it hurt your pride, to know you had been taking up such huge chunks of time lazing about in his presence. Well, not anymore. You slept in your chamber and your chamber alone. Gone were the days of blankets on the engawa, gone were the days of resting beneath the kotatsu while laying your head in his lap, gone were the days of sharing his bed.
If ever he wished for someone to share his bed, he had a whole cast of concubines, though you knew they were never of any use to him, they were mostly just house staff with a fancy title.
The evening he finally decided enough was enough, you were in the washhouse doing laundry.
Your back was arched over a bin full of soapy water. Your hands working tirelessly on some cloth.
"Have you not circumvented me enough?" He spoke in a low and slow tone.
"Lord Sukuna." You bowed, clothing in your hands, suds up your forearms, you bent your neck as to not look at him.
"You will reply now." He raised a brow, watching your hands quietly splash in the washbin.
"Was there something you would like me to assist to?" You questioned. Your head was full of possible reasons for what the king meant by seeking you out personally.
"Do you believe that by not sleeping in my presence I would come to believe you do not require rest?" He spoke in an unserious tone, eyes unblinking.
"No, my lord." Now what was he playing at? Of course that wasn't your intention.
"Then you hide yourself from me because you no longer have time for your king, I suppose." He mused.
Oh, for heaven's sake, "No, my lord."
"I see," He bent down to look you dead in the eyes, "So, you must no longer crave my occupancy of your space. You must not desire my hand running through your hair? I suppose you have tired of staying in my chambers?" His tone remained deep but his eyes were dead serious now.
"I-" You began, but suddenly you felt the urge to cough, swallowing you tried again, "I wished not to preoccupy so much of your time."
"And you made this decision without enlightening your king."
You said nothing.
"You will eat with me tonight, you shall stay in my chambers henceforth." He rose in record speed, turning without a second glance your way, maids were staring wide-eyed at the king of curses as he halted at the entrance of the washhouse. You could not see, but there was finality in his voice.
"I wish not to waste-" You were cut off by Sukunas voice, his broad back still facing you.
"Your wishes do not interest me now, so it seems. It is my wish for you to spend your time with me." His steps resounded through the compound, your face slack.
The maids smirked, and with shocked faces, side-eyed one another. A couple entered the washhouse giving you big open-mouthed smiles, and patted your shoulder as they passed.
That night Uraume made something you would go on to beg them to make for years to come. And when Sukuna pulled you prone from your seated position on his bed, he took a firm fingertip and stroked the space between your eyes, one of his enormous hands encircling your skull and massaging your temples with his thumb and ring fingers. He traced the bridge of your nose to your forehead, the way you would stroke a cat.
Perhaps he thought this would induce drowsiness but all it did was make you feel all floaty inside at his silliness.
And for the first time since that night, you slept alongside him. Within his embrace, and when you awoke, Sukuna's eyes were closed.
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