#this show was about 500% more devastating than i remembered

[sflow-er]

First attempt at GIF making

Handholding scene between Henrik and Axel in Jonas Gardell's De halvt dolda (2009).

My utmost respect for all the talented GIF artists out there! I'm a dabbler who didn't do even a tiny fraction of the editing you guys put into your work and this still took me ridiculously long.

[moviecritc]

✦ ˚ : · LONG HUGS ⋆ PATO O'WARD 🦢

pairing ☆ pato o'ward x fem! bff! reader

summary ☆ where pato and you've been bestfriends for a little too long

warnings ☆ cheating (not from pato)

masterlist | letterboxd

❛ stop checkin' your mailbox for confessions of love ❜

Y/N had lost count of how many dates she and Pato had been on. Although they weren't dates; neither had ever said to the other, "this is a date." They just met as friends to watch the sunset on the beach while eating pizza or to gaze at the stars in Pato's convertible or countless other get-togethers that always had a romantic tone, but never quite enough.

Y/N met Pato thanks to her sister; Y/N worked at a publishing house and was the one who edited and supported Elba's book project. Soon, they became friends, and Elba's starter pack included him.

Pato and she had been friends for two years, and they had been in love with each other for two years. It was almost love at first sight, although neither of them knew it yet.

In Pato's mind, Y/N only saw him as a friend, someone to have a good time with and laugh a lot, but nothing more. From Y/N's point of view, Pato was the most incredible person in the world, and she couldn't wait to confess her feelings.

At some point, Pato didn't see himself as enough for Y/N; she had a stable job, an amazing apartment, and a future that was not at all uncertain. While he was going from hotel room to hotel room and could be out of work at any moment. He saw himself as chaos for Y/N, almost like a problem.

That feeling worsened when, after returning from a race, they missed their flight, causing Y/N to almost get fired.

"Y/N, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'll talk to your publishing house, I'll tell them it was all my fault. Forgive me,"

Y/N couldn't believe how much Pato cared about her. She simply smiled at him and grabbed his hands, giving them both chills.

"It's okay, Pato. You don't have to talk to anyone, really. It's all fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely sure."

"You're not mad at me?" Pato was looking at her with the biggest puppy dog eyes imaginable.

"How could I be mad at you, silly."

Y/N let out a light laugh before hugging Pato as they waited for the next plane.

(...)

The race celebrations were the worst; hugs, kisses, touches… But everything was justified by euphoria. Y/N thought that his hugs were longer and more heartfelt than the ones he gave to others, but at the same time convinced herself that she was being delusional. Pato prolonged his hugs as much as possible to remember her when he went back home.

She had been the one by Pato's side during the Indianapolis 500.

“You go,” Elba had told her, leaving her speechless. “He needs you.”

Even now, she kept thinking about that phrase. Pato needed her. The idea of being so important to him caused all sorts of feelings. He was totally devastated, and when he saw Y/N, the sparkle in his eyes was instant. She hugged him and reassured him that there would be many more opportunities to win and that he had done an amazing race. They gathered enough courage and self-esteem to show up at the gala after the race.

It was no secret that the fans were crazy about them and that no one believed they were just friends. It was obvious for everyone except to them.

In the end, that day wasn’t so horrible for Pato, but only because Y/N was by his side.

(...)

The moment when Pato gathered enough courage to confess his feelings to Y/N was terrible. They had arranged to have dinner with their group of friends, and Pato was determined to confess to Y/N. He had spent the entire afternoon preparing his speech with his sister so he wouldn’t mess it up and was anxious for the moment to come.

But all his excitement dissipated when he saw Y/N enter with a man on her arm and introduce him to everyone as her boyfriend, Matt. She seemed to be incredibly happy with him, spending the entire dinner talking about how they had met and how amazing he was and how well he treated her. Pato gradually withdrew from the conversation, under the sympathetic gaze of his sister.

“I’m going outside to get some air,” Pato announced and waited a few moments for Y/N to make the slightest movement towards him, but she didn’t even look at him. She was distracted, laughing at one of Matt’s jokes.

“I’ll go with you,” said Elba, noticing Pato’s discomfort. Again, Y/N didn’t react.

They went outside, and Pato ran his hands over his face and hair, frustrated by it all. “I’m an idiot,” he said, with a saddened and angry expression. “I knew that sooner or later someone would beat me to it, but I didn’t think it would be right now.”

Elba pressed her lips together and put a hand on her brother’s shoulder. “I know. I had no idea she was seeing someone either. I always thought she would wait for you to make a move.”

Pato sighed. This was his fault, after all. He had taken too long to show romantic interest in her, so much so that Y/N hadn’t even noticed.

“Do you want me to talk to her?”

“No,” Pato’s response was immediate. “No, no, no. She seems happy,” he turned his head a little, seeing her through the glass with Matt’s arm around her shoulders. “If she’s happy, I’m happy.”

Elba knew he was lying; she could see it in the bittersweet expression on his face. And it was true, he was lying. If it were up to him, he would get rid of Matt right then and there and kiss her in front of all their friends.

(...)

His sister didn't listen to him and talked to Y/N anyway. They were at the former's house, preparing dinner for a movie night with Norbi when Elba brought up the topic.

“How are things with you and Matt?” she asked, while taking iced tea out of the fridge.

She noticed that as soon as she asked, Y/N broke into a wide smile. “Very well, he's on a business trip. But we're great.”

Elba also smiled, trying to conceal her true intentions a bit. “I'm glad to hear that.” She paused briefly, searching for the right words. “You know, I always thought there might be something between you and my brother.”

Y/N stopped what she was doing for a moment, as if recalling a past life. She couldn't find a way to respond to that without it sounding strange or suspicious, and by that point, Elba's comment had lingered in the air for too long.

“Oh really?” she simply said.

“Yes, I guess you two had that connection.”

“That connection.”

She repeated that phrase to herself many times over the next few days, pondering and questioning whether she and Matt had the same connection she had with Pato.

(...)

Elba's words lingered in Y/N's mind, but life went on as usual. That was until one fateful night when everything came crashing down.

Y/N sat on her couch, a half-empty bottle of wine next to her, and her eyes red from crying. Her phone, clutched tightly in her hand, showed the last message from Matt: “I’m sorry, but it’s over.”

She dialed a number she knew by heart. The phone rang, and Pato’s groggy voice answered. “Hello?”

“Pato,” Y/N slurred, her voice thick with tears and alcohol. “Can you come get me?”

Pato, instantly awake, sat up in bed. “Y/N? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Please,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “I need you.”

Without another word, Pato was out of bed, pulling on his clothes. He glanced at his suitcases for tomorrows flight, but Y/N needed him now. Racing could wait.

He found her sitting on the front steps of her apartment building, shivering in the cool night air. Her eyes lit up with a mixture of relief and despair when she saw him.

“Y/N,” he said softly, crouching down beside her. “What happened?”

She fell into his arms, sobbing. “Matt… he cheated on me. I saw him kissing with some woman.”

Pato’s heart ached as he held her close. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. You don’t deserve that.” He could feel the shivers in Y/N's body and how fast her heart was beating.

She pulled back slightly, looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. “I feel so stupid, Pato. I thought he loved me.”

“He’s an idiot,” Pato said firmly, lifting her chin. “Anyone who can’t see how amazing you are is a fool.”

She laughed bitterly. “You’ve always been too good to me, Pato.”

Pato helped her to her feet and guided her to his car. Once they were settled inside, she spoke again, her voice barely above a whisper. “You know, I always thought there was something between us.”

Pato’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “What do you mean?”

She turned to him, her eyes filled with a vulnerability he’d never seen before. “I’ve had feelings for you for so long, Pato. I just… I was too scared to say anything.”

Pato’s heart pounded in his chest. “Y/N…”

“I thought maybe you felt the same way,” she continued, her voice cracking. “But then I met Matt, and I tried to move on.”

Pato pulled the car over to the side of the road, unable to keep driving. He turned to her, his eyes searching hers. “Y/N, I’ve been in love with you since forever. I was just too afraid to mess things up between us.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “You…you love me?”

He nodded, reaching out to take her hand. “I do. I always have.”

Y/N’s breath hitched, and she leaned in, her lips brushing against his. “I love you too, Pato.”

Their kiss was soft and tentative at first, but quickly deepened, years of unspoken feelings pouring out. When they finally pulled away, they rested their foreheads together, both breathing heavily.

“I know you have a race tomorrow,” Y/N said, her voice tinged with guilt.

Pato smiled, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “Nothing is more important than you, Y/N. Not even racing.”

She smiled, a real smile this time, and snuggled closer to him. “Thank you, Pato. For everything.”

He kissed her forehead, holding her close.

☆ request by: anon

can i pls request pato o’ward and reader liking each other a lot but for one reason or another they can’t be together? you can choose the reason why they’re not together, just a lot of pining and star-crossed lovers vibes <3

a/n: i hope this is what you wanted <3 maybe it's a bit messy but i wrote this at midnight so don't expect too much

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Hiii

I remember when you were posting about your Kim/Wik Twins AU and I was so hooked! There’s so much potential for angst in this AU😩🤌 I always wondered if there was anything new going on with this WIP.

PS: I’ve been following your blog for a little while (I don’t interact bc im shyy) and I love all your Kimchay WIPS and little excerpts you’ve blessed us with (they make my day everytime I see one). So I want to personally thank your brain for all these wonderful ideas and just thank you for being you 😊

send me an ask and I'll tell you about one of these WIPs!

Oh anon, you're a darling! This was so nice to wake up to <3 I actually haven't worked much on that AU since originally posting it, but you're right, there is so much angst potential in this AU between Wik and Kim. One of the inspirations from it actually came from World of Warcraft, and how the character Varian was split into two people, the other one being Lo'Gosh. I really loved how it wasn't just "this is the good side vs. the bad/feral side." Varian was polite and charming and good at socializing, but he was also vain and easy to manipulate (which was the point of splitting him), whereas Lo'Gosh was definitely a barbarian, but he was also all of Varian's strong will and ambition/motivation, and passion. I hadn't seen that kind of character splitting before, because it's usually an easy shorthand for doing a good/evil thing.

So for the purposes of this fic, Kim isn't just all the evil mafia while Wik is the sweetheart singer. Wik is very driven and tbh a little selfish, he's kind to his fans but ultimately very cold, because he grew up in a world where anything he cared about could be used against him. Both of them are still calculating in clever, but it's Wik that begins investigating Chay, intentionally using his stardom as an in, and purposefully manipulating him to get more information. He takes it to a stronger degree than we actually see from Kim in the show.

Whereas Kim is the quieter, more contained side. They both love music but Kim prefers guitar/piano over singing because he doesn't want to draw attention to himself the way Wik does, although he does write a lot of poetry/lyrics. One of the betrayals from Wik leaving is that he stole Kim's songs. The other is that he left Kim behind. He loves his brother more than anything, and Wik leaving him without so much as a goodbye was devastating for him.

Here's your slightly less than 500 words!

“You left me!” “Would you have even come with me?” Kim’s voice breaks on a desperate, “Yes!” He wants to take it back as soon as the word leaves his mouth, too honest in the heat of his moment, chest heaving with the weight of it. The only good thing about the admission is that his brother is too stunned to reply; Kim takes satisfaction in that, in the implication of it, as Wik realizes the depth of his own selfishness.  “Kim…” “I would…” Kim swallows. Days of captivity have left his throat dry. It hurts, speaking these words aloud, tearing them out of his chest to release them after all these years. “I would have. If you asked me to, I would have.”  He would have followed his brother anywhere. They were always meant to be together. Kim and Wik, two halves of the same whole, mirror images down to their names. Until Wik decided he couldn’t bear his own reflection anymore.  “Kim, I’m sorry, I didn’t know—” “How could you? You only ever think about yourself.” Kim laughs. It’s wet. It hurts, like everything else about this damned conversation. Maybe Wik was right; they were better off alone. “I thought you knew me better than anyone, but you don’t know me at all.” Maybe Wik never did. What a horrible time to realize how truly alone he really is.  Wik doesn’t speak for a long time. Neither does Kim, keeping his head bowed and his breaths measured, cracked ribs aching with every rise and fall of his chest. What a cruel joke that the first time they’re sharing a space in years, something Kim has longed for since the day Wik left, and it’s only because someone else has forced them together.  “I don’t think you would ever leave the family,” Wik eventually says, his voice quieter than Kim has ever heard it. “You’re not like me, Kim, you never wanted to leave.” Of course he didn’t. Why would Kim ever want to leave his brothers? But at least if he had, Kinn and Tankhun would have had each other. They wouldn’t have been alone, not like Wik is now. Not like Kim is, forever missing his other half. Neither of them were meant to be alone. "It doesn't matter anymore." "Yes it does. Kim. I never meant to hurt you. I—" But there's no more time to talk because their captors are walking in, and Wik is throwing himself in front of Kim, both of them bound and unable to put of any kind of fight. Not that it would have mattered; Wik already got himself kidnapped. Too nosy to stay out of the family completely, but apparently the idealistic fool didn't bother to keep up with his martial arts. Still. Despite blaming him for the current predicament, Kim is a little bit touched that Wik is trying to protect him now. Too late to matter, maybe, but it's something.

[ltcolonelcarter]

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. you know what TIME IT IS

you do also realise I could’ve copy pasted literally any extract from any fic…. (this one is less then 500 words I think)

Last Call - Chapter 2

You were sure you’d ruined things with Connor that day in the alley. The thought was devastating and you’d used it to fuel your anger with your boss, thinking that’s all it was good for; when he came back, to check on you, it broke something deeper in you.

To care is to feel uncomfortable, and you understand that, but seeing Connor care in return despite everything was ruinous. He’d watched, unmoving, android eyes keen and all-seeing, barely speaking except to ask interrogative questions, to offer help, but he didn’t once condemn you. He never reacted to your anger with anything other than sympathy.

The entire encounter leaves you with a sick feeling of regret, a discomfort that comes from knowing you made Connor believe, for however short a time, that you dislike him, when really that couldn’t be further from the truth.

He’s patient with you. Even when you snap, even when you walk away only to return with an earnest apology and a paper-thin excuse about feeling overwhelmed. It’s the truth but you’re still surprised when he believes you every time, a soft I know on his lips, acceptance on his face. It’s alright.

If he keeps saying it like that, you’re going to start believing him.

You make your peace with the fuck up. He’s kind, he’s easy-going and respectful of your boundaries, and a part of you feels like that’s far more than you deserve. With that you decide: you’ll be his friend, you’ll make him laugh, and you’ll live quietly with the consequences of your actions, lying with a smile if necessary.

….i will be back soon with more

SIGH of course you’d pick last call. buckle up, babe. I’ll pour the drinks.

pick 500 words of one of my fanfics and I’ll give you a director’s commentary

This fic sprawled out of literal nowhere: I had a one-sentence premise and half a scene as a basis, and everything snowballed from there. It was interesting to write because it was so vivid.

Also as a fun fact: you’ve managed to pick the section of prose I literally hated throughout the drafting process. I needed a transition moment, a quiet reflection to bridge the gap left by the POV change, but it’s very different to the style I usually use and felt too forced for a long while. I didn’t realise it at first but I suspect there was a little bias on my part there: it’s fairly emotional in tone, and shows reader dwelling in a way that is atypical for her.

I disliked it because it felt v alien to me, to be so caught up in it, but it’s where she really starts to realise how attached she is to Connor and how much she regrets their misunderstanding. Author vs character attachments are… different, hence the literary heebie jeebies.

Now, I like it a lot more. On rereading it made sense, to have reader stuck a little in her head, struggling to be better and honest but wanting to be, showing her owning her fuckups and trying to be a friend first and foremost.

what a fool

You were sure you’d ruined things with Connor that day in the alley. The thought was devastating and you’d used it to fuel your anger with your boss, thinking that’s all it was good for; when he came back, to check on you, it broke something deeper in you.

Looooook at her, stuck in her mistakes! Driven by emotion when she doesn’t show much! Finding awkward and inappropriate places to put her anger! Regretting things!

Also, emotional context. Reader has some kind of life beyond Connor, concerns and interacting events that intersect with and affect her relationships. Remember that thing I said about world building? Yeah, I have a problem. Not stopping tho

To care is to feel uncomfortable, and you understand that, but seeing Connor care in return despite everything was ruinous. He’d watched, unmoving, android eyes keen and all-seeing, barely speaking except to ask interrogative questions, to offer help, but he didn’t once condemn you. He never reacted to your anger with anything other than sympathy.

The entire encounter leaves you with a sick feeling of regret, a discomfort that comes from knowing you made Connor believe, for however short a time, that you dislike him, when really that couldn’t be further from the truth.

look at this idiot, caring all over the place

so I wanted a standoffish character, as seen from Connor’s perspective—a small mystery, nothing extravagant, just a small wonder at who she is. what she’s like when she’s not at work. what kind of person she is. I wanted a tangible tone shift from ch 1 to 2, as well, to show how much she feels even if she isn’t perceived to: we jump from Connor wondering what she thinks to her detailing exactly what she thinks, and I think it gives a very clear lay of the land for the audience to see there is care there, but maybe just two people who aren’t good at emotionally navigating it yet.

He’s patient with you. Even when you snap, even when you walk away only to return with an earnest apology and a paper-thin excuse about feeling overwhelmed. It’s the truth but you’re still surprised when he believes you every time, a soft I know on his lips, acceptance on his face. It’s alright.

If he keeps saying it like that, you’re going to start believing him.

This is supposed to give a sense of time passing, so we’re building to scene transition properly. I wanted this fic to feel like a LONG term build up of friendship based on mutual respect and effort after a rocky period, to show how far they’ve come, and specifically how much reader has tried to be less of a brick wall.

Also, and perhaps more importantly, the subtext here is that Connor can read her better now. She’s a bit more free with expression, a little bit more open. Connor knows she’s trying. They’re both reaching out and feeling the other reach back. it’s just a nice moment, hm?

You make your peace with the fuck up. He’s kind, he’s easy-going and respectful of your boundaries, and a part of you feels like that’s far more than you deserve. With that you decide: you’ll be his friend, you’ll make him laugh, and you’ll live quietly with the consequences of your actions, lying with a smile if necessary.

ah, she’s back; practical and level headed, reader pushes feeling aside, once she’s done dwelling a little, to make sure her mistake doesn’t interfere with what she’s built with Connor. she’s making a false assumption here—they Connor isn’t as attached as she is—but it’s because she’s trying so very hard not to cross a line with him again. she cares, and she’s trying to put him first.

as usual, thank you ✨✨✨ this was a fun fic to write, I looooved the setting and the characters for it, and there’s something very fun about idiots to lovers realising that their silly little feelings are requited but they were just too careful to bring it up to one another.

come back whenever you like babe 😌

[newtalot]

A new chapter came out and I am eating good

This are quite a few chapters between the last image I showed you an the new ones I’m about to, I have been keeping up with the screenshots though so maybe I will show them to you sometime

I was absolutely devastated when I realized Lakrak is too tall in this first image to fit on my phone screen, just know his whole body is actually shown on this page

My boy is so sophisticated now!

Not too sophisticated though

And he’s an absolute DILF now! I am upset he’s aging though, he’s not allowed to leave me

You have no idea how feral these images made me, casually smoking after frying an entire cohort

(He’s smoking herbs either help use magic or negate the effects of using too much magic, I can’t remember which)

I am not ready for this lizard to leave me, there might be hope as far as that is concerned, there’s been teasers that there’s more to Nebula’s afterlife than typical

Oh, and I’m almost at 500 screenshots of him

No I don’t have a problem, shut up

I decided to go back through The Nebula’s Civilization and take screenshots of LakRak. I’ve already taken 200 and I’m not even halfway through the available chapters

[quillquiver]

On SPN, Burying Your Gays, and Being Heard

I am shaking, I feel sick, I feel like I’m insane. And did I run a little wild with the theories? You bet. But you know what didn’t help? The botched clusterfuck that was this entire goddamn finale debacle. How was I supposed to believe anything they said in panels when M&G dialogue would leak saying the exact opposite? How was I supposed to grieve and move on when there was nothing from the cast and crew? Nobody said anything! And any info leaked just destabilized what we already knew or directly contradicted what we’d been told. In light of that, how was I supposed to trust anything anyone said? One rogue translator reciprocated the love confession and I was practically sold, because there were so many questions surrounding the English text that this was something good, something that logically fit, and something I wanted to hold onto. 

Because they hurt me. This is about so much more than one episode or a ship; for years queer fans have seen ourselves in these characters and been told that we were crazy. That we were reading too much into it. I’m not sure how people get upset and offended when a storyline that doesn’t exist... doesn’t exist! said Guy Bee (2013). And then, after all of that, they turned around and said magnanimously, you have your version, I have mine... and that’s okay. But it’s not okay. It’s not okay, because that doesn’t erase what came before - that doesn’t erase the baiting and the gaslighting, and that invalidates everything we felt in the time leading up to that episode. It gave them an open window for all the subtext that came after. It allowed them to brush us off.

And then we got Cas’s love confession. I watched that scene about 500 times. Added to the rest of the season - to the fandom avatar being presented as successful and intelligent, to arc being the death of the author - I felt seen. Really seen, by a show that made it its mission to erase me. I had been okay with Cas dying at first because I had been sure the romance arc would carry through. I had been convinced that after everything, there was no way they would give that to us and then take it away.

But they did, because this is Supernatural. To anyone saying this is not bury your gays, I implore you to read up on the Hays Code. This link is to an amazing queer history podcast and the episode that covers it. In short, the Hays Code was a legal document that came about in 20th Century Hollywood during the puritanical war on the American entertainment industry,  and it stipulated what was not allowed on screen. Not all of it was queer - there’s a whole section about kissing - but what the Code is most remembered for is that queerness was not allowed on screen. But queer people are resilient, and so they started testing the waters... and it turned out that you could in fact code queerness into a narrative, as long as it was subtextual, or as long as the queer character died/was punished, or both. The point is that the character is not allowed to live their truth openly. They are buried, either in the ground or punished in the narrative. The former is normally what we refer to these days, because the latter just doesn’t really happen anymore.

Until Supernatural. 

Castiel is immediately punished for speaking his truth - and please don’t tell me he leveraged that punishment and so he had agency. Literally the only thing that could make him happy was confessing his feelings, and so the Empty deal was directly related to this idea of queerness-as-punishment. That being said, Bobo wrote a beautiful scene. Cas’s confession was a love letter to queerness and coming out... but everything that came after buried him. Castiel may have ended the series alive but he was effectively written out of the last two episodes, and that means that he actually never really got to live his truth. He was silenced by the narrative - that is punishment. 

Dean is a whole other can of worms. Does one rogue translator confirm canon bi!Dean? Or do we have to read our own version of the text? The fact that we even have to ask these questions firmly places us in the realm of queerbaiting. Were the writers trying to get bi!Dean approved but were unable to? I have no idea, but queerbaiting requires proof that the writers encouraged a reading they had no intent of following through on, and we certainly don’t lack in evidence of that. Not from this writers room, but from those of previous eras. Did these writers try? They might have, but the funny thing about queerbaiting discourse is that there has never been a show to bait this long, and I’m making the call that even if you tried at the end, you baited me with half the ship and all the years that came before. 

Of course, the narrative leaves open the possibility of bi!Dean so if you do read the show that way, that means Dean also falls into the bury your gays category; if you read the show this way - which many of us do - the mere suggestion that Dean Winchester was bisexual was enough to punish him. And he was punished. We’ve all written extensively on this, but he was given a random death, on a case his father never finished. All that growth, all that time spent having him accept himself, love himself, that was all taken away. He died the way he always thought he would: as a tool, in service of his father, protecting his brother. He had always believed he’d been a body to throw on the sword and in the end that’s all he was. And when he gets to Heaven? He’s also silenced. He barely speaks in the episode except to monologue during his death, and that is 100% Sam-centric. He is scared. 

It was horrific to watch. I sobbed so hard my roommate was seriously concerned. 

I had been fully prepared for Supernatural to end disappointingly. I had figured everything would end with a huge heaven reunion because white, straight, cis-male S&F writers love the idea of death as a reward, but instead of being disappointed I felt like I had witnessed a slaughter. Every single one of the queer themes intrinsic to the show: found family, resilience, speaking your truth... were gone. And I know we’ve talked about this too, but it bears repeating, because in doing this, in writing the queerness out of its narrative, Supernatural effectively looked every one of us queer folx in the eye and said: you are not important. You don’t matter. All of that stuff that came before is all good and well, but what really matters at the end of all things is blood family. It’s two brothers in a car. Life sucks but at least we get to die and go to paradise - real paradise, that your angel buddy died for and then made for you and who we never hear from again.

I felt insane. I felt cheated. I felt humiliated. I felt devastated. I still feel all those things, but listen to me. You have been heard. Not by Misha Collins, who is a great guy, but doesn’t get it. Not by Jensen Ackles, who is a similarly great guy, but also just doesn’t understand. And not by anyone else who worked on this show. 

You know who heard you? Me. The people who follow me. The people who follow you. We saw each other, and heard each other, and we gave each other a leg up. We made memes. We wrote fic. We drew fanart. We made gifs. All for ourselves and all for each other. We broke Tumblr multiple times. We donated over $60,000 USD to multiple different causes. We got multiple hashtags trending at multiple different points, and today kept it up because we demanded answers and then we got them. There were at least 5 articles written about the show today. We made that happen. We made people listen. 

Supernatural didn’t deserve me, and it didn’t deserve you. It didn’t deserve Dean. It didn’t deserve Cas. It didn’t deserve Misha and Jensen. But this show ended with a bleak, awful message and we turned around and showed them that love is loud. So what about all of this is real?

We are.

[youbloodymadgenius]

Ivarello (Modern!Ivar x reader) Chapter 4

Moodboard by @quantumlocked310

Ivarello’s masterpost here

A/N: This is my entry for @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie 500 Followers Fairy Tale Challenge. It's a retelling of Cinderella. Congrats again, darling 💖

A huge thank you to @mrsalwayswrite , who's a great beta reader and an even greater cheerleader 😂

A massive thank you to @quantumlocked310 , @vikingstrash and @serasvictoria . Thank you for agreeing to collaborate and for sharing your talent with me. Your moodboards are beyond amazing 🤩

In this story, Sigurd is alive. Ragnar and Aslaug are dead, but Lagertha didn't kill her. I took a lot of liberties with the show, I hope you won't mind.

Unlike the tale, there will be no magic involved. Not everything will be realistic, however. It's a fayritale, after all!

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Summary: Orphaned five years ago, Ivar and his brothers have been living with Lagertha ever since. Now 16 years old, he wants to attend Harald's traditional Midsummer party, but obstacles stand in his way.

Warnings: description of car crash; orphaned kids; Sigurd being Sigurd; OOC characters.

Words: 2877

Additional note: This is the final chapter. There'll be an epilogue, but you'll have to wait a bit because there are a lot of challenges I've signed up for and I'm way behind schedule.

Enjoy 🙂

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Devastated and angry at the world. That's how Ivar is feeling.

Holed up in his room since the night before, and despite Lagertha incessant requests, he doesn’t plan to come out, not now at least. Come to think of it, he might as well decide never to leave his room again.

He can't stand the idea of facing his brothers. He doesn't want to have to tell them about his failure. He doesn't want to endure Ubbe's pity and condescendence. He doesn't want to see the look of triumph on Sigurd's face. The thought makes his stomach lurch while at the same time a murderous urge creeps into his mind. No, he definitely can't see his brothers.

Surprisingly, and unlike Lagertha, his brothers have left him alone, as if sensing that entering his room would be as moving into a minefield. Only Hvitserk had taken a chance earlier, cautiously poking his head through the door. His disapproving look obvious when his eyes had taken in the scene before him, Ivar's belongings scattered on the floor, some of them smashed into pieces.

"I got you a chocolate muffin from the kitchen, baby bro," he had explained, putting it on a nearby shelf, and it had almost brought a smile to Ivar's face. To Hvitserk, there's no predicament that can't be improved with comfort food.

"Look, Ivar," scratching his neck, Hvitserk had then said, "I don't know what happened and I don't want to pressure you. You tell me when you're ready, if you are. But I'm here, okay? Whatever the time of day or night, you don't have to be alone if you don't want to. If I'm upstairs, just call me, okay?" With these words, he was gone, the door closed.

Ivar can't get the events of the previous evening out of his mind. Like a waking nightmare, they are playing over and over in his head: how he had freaked out when he heard the beeps; the confused and then so disappointed look you had given him when he sputtered his need to leave; finally, his shameful escape into the night.

What could he have done? What should he have done?

He does know the answer. He should have been more cautious. He should have checked the time, asked for your number and just walked away.

On the other hand, what difference would it have made? He would still have no future with you, right? He would still be a cripple, and you would still be... you... perfect... too good for him.

So yeah, he had run away like a coward. He lets out a bitter chuckle to himself. Run away? Who is he kidding? He hadn't run away, that would have been too easy. Cripples don't run away. Without his cane – why the fuck did he leave it behind?? – he had pathetically limped away, stumbling, his feet sinking into the sand. He had still been on the beach when the battery had died. He had had no other choice but to crawl like a worm the rest of the way, silently praying to the gods that the darkness of the night would prevent you from seeing him like this.

Tears of despair run down his cheeks for the umpteenth time. He's used to feeling humiliated, but feeling humiliated and heartbroken simultaneously is really too much to take. He feels like he's dying from the inside over and over again, cursing himself for wanting to attend the party, for wanting to see you again. He should never have let his walls down, he should never have dared to hope. What was he thinking? He may have walked, and even danced with you, but at the end of the day, he still is a pitiable cripple with stupid, crooked legs, in love with a girl way out of his league.

If he's being honest, that's what hurts the most. He now realizes how delusional he had been. Holding on to a dead dream for years, he had not forseen the painful yet unavoidable reality check. And now, it's like he's been hit by a train. Because there's no denying it, dreaming of a life with you is no longer an option, not after last night. And even though it's almost unbearable, he knows now he has to let go of you, of the idea of you and him being together. As much as this mere thought is devastating, he has no other choice. He has to stop fooling himself, for his own sanity, if nothing else.

Giving a guttural cry, much like that of a wounded animal, Ivar doesn't hear when the front doorbell rings. Not that he would have reacted even if he had heard it, too busy wallowing in self-pity.

***

"Thank you for having us here on such short notice, my dear." Your uncle states joyfully, his eyes sparkling, as Lagertha greets him with a handshake and a tight-lipped smile. Even though you don't know why, it's obvious that she's not his biggest fan.

Your uncle, who doesn't seem to notice – or doesn't care, you're not sure – keeps giving her a beaming smile. "My niece here," he turns his head toward you for a short moment, "has a weird request. She met a boy yesterday, during the party. He lost something and my sweet Y/N has been adamant since this morning that she wants to find him and personally return it to him. We were wondering," he turns his gaze in the direction of the couch, "if it could be one of your wards."

There are indeed three young men, half sprawled on the couch, who get up as one when Lagertha gives them a stern look. If you vaguely remember having seen them before, a single glance is enough for you to know that the one you're looking for is not among them.

You're on the verge of saying so but your uncle doesn't give you a chance to. "See boys," he unceremoniously grabs the cane you're holding behind your back, "here is the lost item. A cane! Fairly uncommon, if you ask me. Anyway... Does this... thing belong to any of you?"

Since you know it doesn't, you're surprised when two of the guys both take a step forward. "Actually, it's mine," they say in unison, each of them only then becoming aware that the other is speaking.

Dumbstruck, you look at one then the other successively. They've got a lot of nerve! You know they're lying, and you would have known it even if these two idiots hadn't spoken at the same time. They just look nothing like your handsome stranger – if he's a stranger.

"Sigurd, you know it's mine!"

"Don't play dumb, you never use a cane, Ubbe! Whereas me, I do sometimes. Everyone knows artists tend to be eccentric, right?"

The blondest one – Sigurd if you heard right – points his finger at a guitar leaning against the wall and then winks at you, "I'm a musician, you know?" You don't even have time to roll your eyes as the other one – Ubbe? – yells, his nostrils flaring.

"Shut up Sig, you're so full of shit! You know I've got a sprained ankle!"

"A sprained ankle, no kidding? Who did a ten-kilometer run today, huh? It's not me! So, you are the one going to shut up, you fucking douchebag!"

It's almost funny to watch them arguing back and forth. If you weren't so pissed off, you'd laugh. But right now, you're mostly mad at them. Their blatant lies make your blood boil with anger.

Are they really thinking you're a complete idiot? That you can be fooled so easily? Who do they think they are? Who do they think you are? Some stupid chick ready to fall for their good looks? If they think that, they're kidding themselves.

"You're the fucking douchebag, Sig!! Don’t forget I'm the oldest!"

"And what's the difference, huh? You can't have all the girls, Ubbe! Keep fucking Margrethe and just let me be! Stop being a controlling asshole!"

"STOP!!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!"

Lagertha's shout is deafening and if looks could kill, these two morons would be lying dead on the floor right here, right now.

"Y/N, my dear," Lagertha gives you an apologetic smile, "I'm so sorry for that. I swear they usually know how to behave, better than that at least. Guess they don't know how to handle your striking beauty. Now sweetheart, tell me, is one of these two knuckleheads the one you were with last night?"

The silence that falls on the room after her question is so complete that you could hear a pin drop. Acutely aware that all eyes are on you, you shyly lower your gaze, shaking your head slightly, as you clasp your hands over your belly. You eventually speak, your eyes meeting Lagertha's, and you can see she knows what you're going to say. "No, the guy I was with last night is not one of them."

"How can you be so sure?" Sigurd's voice is soft and tentative now, and Ubbe adds, seemingly for once in agreement with his younger brother, "yeah, how can you? It was pretty dark after all."

You give them a smile. "How can I be so sure? You mean beside the fact that you obviously don't need a cane? Neither of you?" The third brother, who still hasn't opened his mouth, chuckles, giving you a thumbs up. "Look, I appreciate your interest, I really do, but neither of you are the one I am looking for. Therefore," you look at your uncle, "we should leave, don't you think?" Checking the time on your watch, you shrug. "What about the Eyvindsson family? Didn't you tell me about three brothers? We may have time to go and see them tonight if we hurry."

Your uncle nods, handing you back the cane. "You're right, Y/N, we should leave." Taking two steps forward, he grabs Lagertha's hand. "Sorry dear, we will waste no more of your time."

You're about to thank her when one of the boys clears his throat. "Ahem..."

Turning your head, you're surprised to see the third brother, the silent one, raising his hand. "I think I might know who this cane belongs to." Frowning, he glances at his brothers. "And you both know it too."

"Shut up, Hvitserk!" Sigurd spits, clenching his hands into fists. "Don't bring the fucking cripple into the conversation."

"Sigurd! Keep your mouth shut!" Lagertha glares at him for several long seconds then her face softens as she looks at Hvitserk, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What are you trying to say, Hvitserk? Do you think this cane belongs to your baby brother?"

Hvitserk nods. "I know it does, actually."

"Come on, Hvit, you're talking nonsense. It cannot be, it just cannot. That guy was standing. It wasn't our brother. Our brother wasn't there last night." Ubbe stubbornly insists, but Hvitserk just shakes his head.

"Of course, he was. I saw him. And don't bullshit me, Ubbe, you saw him too. With Y/N." Hvitserk states. That's when you realize that your palms are sweating and your pulse is racing.

Hvitserk keeps going, now speaking to his guardian. "I know what I saw, Lagertha. It was him. I don't know how, but he was standing, Ubbe is right. He was even walking. It may sound weird but I swear, it was him."

Lagertha nods. "I believe you, Hvitserk." A beaming smile spreads across her lips and she tilts her head. "I wouldn't be surprised if Floki had something to do with such a miracle. Go get your brother, Hvitserk, please."

Your heart leaps at these words, you're barely able to contain your excitement and as you let out a nervous chuckle, you cannot help but jump for joy. Needless to say, Ubbe and Sigurd seem much less enthusiastic than you.

***

Reluctantly following his brother, Ivar mutters under his breath, "you're pissing me off, Hvit. I'm fucking not in the mood for whatever you have in mind."

Hvitserk pays him no mind though, a small smile dancing on his lips. "Trust me, baby bro, you'll be in the mood."

Ivar wants to protest, or maybe just turn around and wheel back to his room but all at once the sound of your voice reaches his ears and he stops, frozen in place, his eyes wide open. He may have stopped breathing.

Patting his shoulder reassuringly, Hvitserk whispers, "It's Y/N, baby bro, but I have a feeling you already know. She's here for you, she was looking for you, Ivar. Go..." before giving a single push to his brother's wheelchair, his right hand on the backrest.

Ivar honestly doesn't know how he manages to wheel himself into the living room. What he does know, however, is that you're suddenly standing right in front of him. The heart stopping smile you flash him blows all the air out of his lungs, his heart pounding wildly in his chest, and the outside world – Lagertha, his brothers, Harald – ceases to exist.

A little voice tells him he should be feeling self-conscious with his hair all messy and wearing worn sweatpants, but he can't bring himself to care, not when you kneel in front of him with stars in your eyes.

"Here you are, finally," you breathe, gently placing a hand on his knee. Ivar didn't know until now that one could die of happiness, but that's exactly what he's feeling and he wouldn't trade it for anything.

Swallowing, he blinks several times. When he speaks, his voice trembles, his bottom lip quivering. "Hello Y/N, you were... looking for... for me?" He has trouble getting the words out, his nervous fingers fidgeting on his lap.

Grabbing both his hands in yours, you nod, your thumbs stroking his knuckles tenderly. "I was, yes, and for a very long time."

Shyly lowering his head, Ivar, almost feeling dizzy, can't wrap his head around your words. They're just too good to be true. "But... why?"

"Why?" You giggle, your laughing eyes lighting up your face, and he's positive, you're even more beautiful like this. "Isn't it obvious? I want to know more about you, what's your favorite color, what you eat for breakfast, where you see yourself in ten years. I just want to spend time with you, Ivar."

'Ivar' You've just said his name and it's like the sweetest music to his ears. He can't believe it. Wow. "You... You recognized me?" There's so much hope and joy in his voice, he cringes.

You shrug, your smile never leaving your lips. "I wasn't sure at first. You've changed a lot." Your hand cups his cheek. The sensation on his skin is so overwhelming he has to hold back the tears threatening to gush. Yet, he can't help but think you're speaking about his legs.

He grits his teeth. "Yeah... Standing tall can change a man."

"No! no, no, no," you retort without missing a beat, "That's not what I meant. In my memory you still looked like you did when we were ten, but look at you now, all grown up! Your hair was so short back then." Reaching out, you brush a strand of hair back and tuck it behind his ear before letting your fingers run slowly down and up his bulging biceps, your hand finally lingering on his forearm, "Plus, you clearly work out a lot. So, yeah, I thought it was you, but I wasn't sure. When we were dancing last night, I thought I'd ask you right after, but then you left and... well... I didn't have a chance..."

Ivar wraps his fingers around yours, a frown creasing his forehead. "About that, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left like–"

You shush him, holding a finger to his lips. "It doesn't matter, Ivar. You don't have to explain. All that matters is that I found you." Standing up, you lean forward and gently kiss his cheek and he feels like he's floating. Intertwining his fingers with yours, you whisper in his ear, "I reckon we got some lost time to make up, you and me. Can we go stargazing now?"

Hearing this makes Ivar's insides turn to jelly. Barely able to think, he is on cloud nine and wishes with all his heart never to come back down to earth again. But despite the daze, despite the fog in his head, despite the blinding happiness, he knows one thing: no matter how many stars he sees, you'll be the brightest one.

"Yes, Y/N, you're right," bringing your hand to his mouth, he gives it a kiss, "let's go stargazing."

And as he leaves the room, you walking alongside him with your hand on his shoulder, his heart filled with joy and wonder, he doesn't miss the thumbs up Hvitserk gives him, nor the scowl on Ubbe's and Sigurd's faces.

For a fleeting second, he thinks he should – he could – taunt them. They deserve to be laughed at, don't they? But then, he realizes he doesn't have time for that. The time for happiness has come, and it's far more important.

Giving you a beaming smile, Ivar inhales deeply before releasing a sigh of satisfaction. Yeah. Happiness. Happiness sounds good.

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Ivar’s taglist: @waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @pieces-by-me @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood @jadelynlace @grimeundglow @quantumlocked310 @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom @adrille88

Ivarello's taglist: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog @hashimily @prepare4trouble @supernaturalvikingwhore @funmadnessandbadassvikings @heavenly1927 @dini73

[vanserraseris]

END OF PART I - Literally can’t believe I just sat here and posted that 500 characters at a time lol I hope you’re not too disappointed with this, I’m well aware it’s a bit of a disaster but it’s been real nice sending it to you :))

haha its unreal but i loved it sm!!! thanks for sending <3 btw if you want to send me a summary, i can add it into the masterlist!

here’s part 1 in full!

Prince of Ashes. Part I.

masterlist.

Eris could feel his heart beating as he ran through the halls of The Forest House. His breaths were unsteady and panicked, but he tried to school his features into a mask of calm in case he ran into his father. He adjusted the sword at his side, had grabbed the weapon and shoved it messily in his belt as he’d rushed out of his room. The torches he passed along the walls flared brightly, as if in warning. Eris hoped his father hadn’t done anything foolish.

The rumble of magic that had passed through the estate could only mean something horrible had happened. Eris didn’t slow down as he practically slammed through the doors of his mother’s chambers, not caring that he hadn’t bothered to put a tunic over his thin undershirt and knowing he looked ridiculous in an old pair of brown leather boots.

Eris paused at what he saw once he spotted the woman who’d raised him. He was not expecting his mother to be weeping at the healthy babe in her arms, her shoulders hunched as her breath hitched every so often.

Eris had perfected his carefully crafted image. He was the Tamer of Flames, the Heir of Autumn, the Prince of Ashes. He was calculated and hateful on his good days, cruel and horrible on his bad days. He wanted to be a son his father could be proud of, and he wanted to be a son his mother could look in the eye. As he stood in the doorway of his mother’s room, he bounced on the balls of his feet, feeling very much like a nervous child instead.

“Mother,” Eris breathed, not knowing if he should approach. Eris had been in the middle of reading through some reports when he’d felt the magic, he must have looked a mess after having run through the halls of The Forest House like some youngling.

“Eris?” His mother asked through her tears, more emotion than Eris had seen from her in centuries. “What’s happened?” Eris said as he walked towards them, his tone uncharacteristically soft. The pulse of angry magic that Eris had felt minutes before had worried him, but looking at both his mother and the seemingly healthy child had Eris very confused.

His mother merely shook her head and carefully placed the little bundle in Eris’ arms. Eris had only ever held one of his brothers when they’d been this small and fragile. It must be a girl, Eris thought, why else would his father be so angry, why else would his mother weep. He felt an odd sadness, pitying any female born into this court. “I want to name him Lucien,” his mother whispered, as if it were a secret.

Eris was only more confused, “Cauldon bless him,” he muttered, moving the blankets so that he could peer at the face of his brother. The baby’s eyes were closed, his mouth slightly parted as he huffed tiny breaths in his sleep.

“Eris, I must ask something of you,” his mother tugged on the loose sleeve of his shirt, her other hand wiping the tears from her cheeks. Eris was still looking at the child in his arms, but he nodded for her to go on. His mother never asked anything of him and Eris had never asked anything of his mother. “You must protect him.”

Eris nodded again. He thought he’d done a particularly good job at taking care of Rufus since his mother had been an empty shell when he’d been born. Not that Eris could blame her, he figured spending too much time around Beron was the cause. Eris had kept Rufus as far away from his father as he could, and while Rufus had a reputation for taking nothing seriously, all things considered, he was a good male.

“Give me your vow.” Eris furrowed his auburn brows, glancing to his mother as she gently took the child from his arms and placed him in his cradle. Strange, Eris thought, but would not question it. His mother had said it so firmly that Eris had been reminded of the female he remembered from his childhood. 

“I give you my vow, my solemn oath, to protect this child,” Eris said, unwavering eyes on his mother.

“Beron wants him dead,” she said softly, calmly.

“What?” Eris snapped, probably much harsher than he needed to be. 

“Your father wants to leave the babe to the elements,” she reached for Eris’s hand, but he jerked away from his mother. Fool, Eris thought, he was a fool. Hadn’t his father taught him since he could speak to never give anyone his oath. 

“Why?” Eris growled, and while he might have been frustrated with having agreed to his mother’s wishes, he was horrified at the thought that his father would kill an innocent child.

Even if the High Lord of the Autumn Court did not care much for his sons, he had always valued them as political pawns. Fae children were rare, his father had always known they would grow to be assets. Eris had spent much of his life fearing what his father would do to him and his brothers in anger, but he found a strange comfort in knowing Beron would never kill one of his sons. Eris looked at his mother, mouth dropping open slightly.

Eris took great pride in the fact that his emotions never openly showed on his face, not unless he wanted them to, but he couldn’t help it. Eris was a little horrified, a little concerned. His mother had gone off and had an affair, right under Beron’s nose, the runt in the cradle was his half-brother. Eris needed a strong fucking drink to swallow that realization. No. Beron would never kill one of his sons.

His mother looked at Eris with devastation, she sniffled once, ran a hand through her hair. She looked tired, but Eris couldn’t remember the last time his mother had looked so alive. “Eris, please, he… he is still your brother, please. Your father has doubts, but it is mere speculation.” She lifted her face to look up at her eldest son, “If he is under your protection …” She broke off then, looking at Eris with hopeful russett eyes.

Eris nearly flinched at her words, of course Lucien was still his brother, he thought. And not only that, but he’d vowed to keep the runt safe. Eris didn’t need to be a seer to know this vow would become a problem at some point, but he pushed those negative thoughts from his head. Eris moved to look into the crib, at the small babe inside it, “Are you sure about calling him Lucien?” 

His mother’s shoulders sagged with relief, “What’s the matter with it?”

Eris tilted his head to the side as he continued to stare at his youngest brother. “Mother, his name means sunshine in the Old Tongue, perhaps you should reconsider.” 

His mother flashed him a small smile, momentarily shocking Eris, “It means light.” 

“I hardly think that’s any better,” Eris was debating whether or not to ask who the father was when he heard the loud steps approaching the room, and he turned to face the carved doors of his mother’s chambers with a deep breath.

The doors slammed open with a loud crash, Eris was surprised the babe didn’t wake. “Give me the child,” Beron said with a frighteningly quiet voice. 

“Father,” Eris said, warning in his tone. Eris was many things, but he wasn’t an oath-breaker. 

“Do not involve yourself in matters that do not concern you,” Beron spat, “Give me the child.” 

Eris moved closer to his father, his hand moving towards the sword at his side, “Father.”

The High Lord of Autumn paused, looking at his son carefully. Eris let golden flames flare in his eyes. His father stood straighter, eyes flicking to the hand Eris had placed on the hilt of his weapon. “You would fight me, boy?” His father laughed with no amusement before he flashed a taunting smile in Eris’s direction, “You would fight me?” Eris knew that perhaps he should have reconsidered his approach to the whole situation when he felt the magic in the room swell.

The crackling magic that flowed through Eris’s veins was lethal, but not as strong as his father’s. Eris lifted his chin, “Father, leave the child.” Beron reached for his own weapon, and Eris drew his sword. His father was more experienced, and Eris knew his talents did not lie in combat, but he would fight for this. If he died, though, he worried what Beron would do to Rufus, but he wouldn’t let Beron leave Lucien to the elements. At least not without a fight.

“Eris!” His mother moved to stand between them, but Eris pushed her back with his arm. He would regret sending her crashing against the wardrobe later, but he was much too focused on his father to care too much about that now. Beron lunged at Eris with his sword, and Eris easily deflected the blow that was aimed at his chest. Eris’s amber eyes widened, but he wasn’t entirely sure why it shocked him to know that his father would strike to kill.

Eris had to lead his father away from his mother and the child, so with a small snarl Eris threw himself at his father, his sword arcing in the air. With a powerful blow, Beron stumbled out into the hall. The servants that had dutifully been attending to their business shrieked as their swords slammed together, the sound of metal against metal echoing as the servants ran away from them.

Beron was much stronger than Eris. He had been fighting for much longer, and Eris knew that if he started using his magic against his father, his father would respond with magic much stronger than his. Eris parried his father’s first series of blows, but it was an effort. High Lords were a different breed, and with each clash of their swords, Eris was reminded of that fact. “Ungrateful,” his father spat, cutting Eris on the thigh with a long swipe of his sword.

Eris heard his mother screaming at Beron to stop, and he knew that the cut along his leg was deep, but he managed to whirl out of the way of his father’s blade as it came frighteningly close to his neck. Eris put all his weight in the next swing of his sword, and Beron grinned as their swords met and they faced each other. “Why protect the little runt?” Beron’s grin merely widened, “You wish to have another brother fight you for the throne?”

Eris flashed him a crooked grin in return, ignoring the pain in his leg as he spoke to his father over the cross of their swords. “I am not afraid.” 

“Perhaps you should be.” Eris could not respond fast enough as his father stopped pushing against him, and Eris lost his balance. It was only a moment, but it was enough. Beron’s blade skidded across the edge of Eris’s sword, and Eris knew he had made a terrible mistake. Beron thrust his blade into Eris’ side.

Eris felt blank, he vaguely realized he’d cried out as his father twisted the blade before his own weapon fell from his weak fingers. He didn’t hear the sound of it as it dropped against the floor, the roaring in his ears was much too loud. “Are you happy now, Eris,” Beron said, putting a hand up to his son’s face in a strangely father-like gesture, the other still tightly gripping the sword in Eris’s side. “I have lost a son this night.”

Fingers curling in Eris’s long hair, Beron pulled his eldest son to him and placed a kiss to his temple. In his entire life, Beron had never shown any affection to Eris, and if Eris had been able to think properly, he would have been shocked. Eris groaned as his father yanked the blade back, his shaking hands going to the wound at his side as his legs faltered and he fell to his knees. Ruby red blood glimmered on the silver blade of his father’s sword.

Eris tried to take a deep breath, but found that his lungs wouldn’t let him. Eris coughed, feeling blood drip down his chin. He supposed that he should not have expected to beat his father in a duel. Eris felt like he was drowning. As a youngling he’d tripped on a rope and fallen off a dock in the Spring Court and into a lake, not knowing how to swim and in a panic, Eris had thrashed as water filled his lungs.

Each breath had burned in a way that Eris had never imagined he’d feel as the heir of the Autumn Court. Surely, Eris would have died had his mother not pulled him out of the water, sobbing as she’d told him to hold her hand next time. His mother was sobbing now as she fell to her knees in front of Beron, begging him to stop. Eris slumped forward with a gasp, the burning feeling in his chest becoming nearly unbearable.

He made a strange choked noise as more blood filled his mouth and Eris gritted his teeth as someone dropped down by his side. “You alright, Eris?” Rufus asked, his face close to Eris’s as he put his hands around Eris’s arm, trying to help him up. Eris looked at his younger brother through the curtain of his red hair, “Hello, hey, you alright?” Rufus repeated, russett eyes wide.

“Never better,” Eris rasped as more blood dripped from his mouth onto the marble floors. Eris tried to lift himself up with Rufus’s help. He couldn’t stand, Eris noticed, and put all his weight on his younger brother. Rufus laughed nervously, the sound hollow to Eris’s ears. Holding a hand to the wound on Eris’ side and abandoning his attempt to get Eris up off the floor, Rufus moved the hair from Eris’s face. With the back of his hand, Rufus wiped at the blood along Eris’s chin before he spoke. Eris wasn’t really worried, but he could tell from the tone of Rufus’s voice that he probably should be. 

Cato’s voice rang like a bell in the nearly empty hall, “What the hells happened here?” Calm and steady and definitely not worried. Cato would soon become heir, Eris thought briefly, all his brother had ever wanted and he hadn’t even lifted a finger to get it. 

“Your brother seems to have forgotten his place,” Beron replied with equal calm.

Rufus snarled softly, having been the youngest of six for thirty years, no one paid him any attention, especially not father, and Eris knew Rufus favoured him. Eris would be lying if he told anyone he didn’t favour Rufus as well. Eris could feel his eyelids drooping, but he watched as Maddox ran towards them from the other side of the hall, Priam close behind him. Eris felt heavy, so he leaned into Rufus, pain flaring through his side.

His vision was becoming blurred and he could barely hear his mother begging Beron to spare him and Lucien. The last thing Eris remembered before he lost consciousness was staring at his sword, thinking that the ruby eyes of the lion’s head on the hilt glowed with flames.

[whereflowersbloom]

Azriel’s POV

Okay I see a lot of people hating on Azriel after reading his POV. I read it twice and I still feel like there’s so much missing, I feel conflicted about it and I can’t blame you guys. As much as I love Sarah for creating such a complex and beautiful character as Az. I have the feeling this was not the appropriate way to submerge in his deeepest thoughts.

First, people see what they want to see. From the other books we saw glimpses of Az, descriptions of his mannerisms, gestures, how he is described through the eyes of other characters. Once we believe we know a character well enough to guess, or it’s pretty clear what emotions a character is experiencing. We have this idea of who we think he is. But Azriel is not only a damaged, abused male who has suffered for over 500 years, he is a flawed man too. He has faults and makes mistakes like any other person.

Still, I refuse to believe he sees Elain as a woman he wants to possess, only atttcated physically to her because she’s this immaculate beauty, because that’s how Azriel sees her, the light of dawn, the embodiment of innocence and kindness, someone he does not want to taint and yet he desires more than any other female. He’s an over give hundred years man, a soldier, a shadowsinger, who has mastered his emotions and desires and yet he’s tempted to the point he’s conflicted, fighting the,, resisiting. So as I suspected he’s in the house of wind to avoid Elain, stay away from her.

I’ve seen Az show Elain kindness, softness, their interactions are limited but there’s tenderness, something is blooming there I know. I don’t think this is only jealousy, envy of his brother, the longing for a mate.

Okay, also we have Gwyn now in the picture, and this is starting to look like a love square. I don’t think Mor is actually part of this anymore. I’, not done reading but I’ve seen some Azriel - Gwyn interactions there’s something there too but again Sarah only gave us breadcrumbs. Not nearly enough for us to figure out what’s going to happen and I’m pretty sure she did this on purpose.

Azriel is not a beast for desiring a female, he is a male, for some reason Sarah tends to write them as horny teenagers thirsting for their mates/love interest. My theory is that Az has been so wary, suppressing his feelings, for such a very long time that he hasn’t allowed himself to connect emotionally with a female, not since Mor at least. Since it was a devastating blow.

So idk man, I’m waiting for Sarah to take me on a journey through Azriel’s past, overcome his fears. I want to see a vulnerable Azriel, opening up, talking about his scars and wounds, crying. I want emotional Azriel, the man behind the shadows. I want to see him fall in love genuinely. Not because he wants a mate or a partner but he wants the person, want Elain for being Elain or Gwyn. Whichever way Sarah decides to go. Nonetheless, I will not stop rooting for Elriel. Because if you ask me nothing says I love you like I choose you over my own mate.

So do not start hating Azriel because we only got to see a side of him that we have never seen before. It’s just a piece of him. A breadcrumb. Remember how the first book we thought Taimlin was the one and then we saw his true self. Yup. If Acosf was a roller coaster. I feel like Azriel’s book is going to be even a wilder ride.

Two things:

Az, my boy, you do not regift a present you intended for your love interest to another female even if you have a crush on her.

Rhysand, ‘The mating bond chooses poorly sometimes. The mating bond can be rejected’. Man, don’t go back on your words pls bruh.

[cutenessinanutshell]

So, my family is really close and connected to each other. At least on my moms side. We all grew up together, my eldest cousin is 42, and I’m the baby, at 27. I don’t see some of them often because they’re in Chicago, New York, and Baltimore. It was either Ontario or Ohio when we were kids so we saw each other more back then but then we all grew up. I grew up with two of my cousins from Ohio, and we are all closest in age. There’s the 37-43 group, and there’s the 27-31 group that grew up, respectively. But as we got older, we meshed together. The boys are all in America, and all the girls are now in Canada.

I’ve always known that I loved my family. There’s never ever really been a doubt or anything that would make me love them less. I didn’t see some of them for years and years and years and I still knew I loved them. We are all individual, and offer unique personalities and stories and I am so proud to be a part of a family like that.

As you may know, one of my uncles suddenly passed away and I gotta say, I am heartbroken. He was the closest uncle, he was my favourite cousin’s father and my heart hurts so much for her. I am so sad. It makes me so sad to think about him not being around. To hear my mom talking to him on the phone, or just knowing he’s there. Every time I think about this past weekend it makes me so angry and confused. I’m both so angry and confused and sad.

My uncle was such an incredible human being. His patients came in crying, the doctors showed up crying, and I cannot believe how loved he was. I heard one of the nurses looking at him and she said “I love you Dr D’Silva” and every time I think about that it makes me emotional. I can’t even imagine making such an impact on people who aren’t even blood. What a beautiful sentiment.

My entire family feels exactly the way I do which is why it’s so comforting that we are close. That even though we don’t say it out loud, that we are equally devastated and in support of each other.

He was the glue that brought us together. His children are going to be those people as we grow up. They are close to all of my cousins, even the ones I wish I were closer with and they will continue to bring us together again.

But my fear is really as simple as shit happens. My mom and her brothers were close to their first cousins for a long time. Given, they moved half way across the world but they weren’t as close as they grew up in their 40s, and 50s, and so many of them have passed away or we don’t talk to. It makes me worried that one day I won’t be as close to my cousins as I am today and then I won’t have people who understand me the way I want to be understood. It is a silent understanding and love that we have. And I never want to lose it. I have to be less absent minded and selfish and I have to show up more. I want to hold strong with them until we can successfully pass on the legacy to our children and their children. My uncle was a person who had so much love for this family and fought so fiercely for them, and I have to do the same. Saying how much I love them can only go so far if I don’t show up for them. I can’t imagine losing them one day. And I suppose in that sense, my heart will hurt for more than a person who isn’t as close to their family but what a full life it would be to keep the blood thick until the very very end. I want to be remembered and loved the way my uncle was. There must’ve been at least 500 people show up for him on Friday, and then more people for the livestream mass. I want to leave something irreplaceable the way he did. I am so sad that he’s gone. I am so fucking sad about it. I’m so sad.

As I learn more about his life, and what it means to grieve as an adult, I hope to find out what life really means to me and what to do to be the person I want to be seen as.

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ THE MOUSE ❜

with Neron ‘Creeper’ Vargas.

Request: 6 and 11 from the prompt list and Creeper

Prompts:

6. "Sweetheart, what did you bury in the garden?"

11. "No! I'm tired of doing what you say."

BY @cherieann-2001

Warnings: none.

Word count: about 500.

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that! And thanks to my lovely @chibsytelford for helping me with this idea. We had a lot of fun figuring it out ❤

Gif credits: to my wonderful @sonsofeorl ✨

Masterlist. You can subscribe to my broadcast list, to be notified whenever I post a writing!

You have lost the count of how many times Creeper has told you to call him, whenever you drink a little more than allowed, and to not drive your car in that condition. But you know that he has had a long, long day close to the border. So you didn't want to bother him at four am. As you don't want to bother him with a funeral.

Using a spoon to open a hole in a corner of your garden, you put inside the small mouse you have run over some streets away, carrying him in the passenger seat while crying like a child. Caressing his smashed head one last time. It was your fault and you feel horrible, devastated. The mouse didn't deserve an end like this one. And you promise to yourself that you will never drive drunk again.

Once that the hole is covered again by soil and grass, you sit down taking your phone from the purse.

“Hey, Siri, can you fi—find me a… paragraph fo—for funerals?”

“This is what I found”.

Reading the text with your eyes blurred by tears and the effect of alcohol, your lecture is interrupted by some steps coming closer.

“Sweetheart, what did you bury in the garden?”

Creeper is looking over your shoulder at the small hole, while you turn at him pouting and showing him a pair of puppy eyes, reddened and filled with tears.

“I ju—I just ran over a mo—mouse, baby”. You hiccup sobbing.

“Did you… fucking bury a mouse in our garden…? How much you drank, mama? I have tol—”

“I'm tired of doing what you say”. You grunt, putting your eyes on the screen of your phone. “I can't fu—fucking read it”.

Crying loudly, Creeper rolls his eyes. He's pretty sure that he has done weird things too, being drunk and that he can't remember. So your boyfriend just sits down by your side, taking the phone. With a snort stuck in his throat, the half-mexican reads the text. You grab his arm with both hands, resting your cheek on his shoulder. Focused on the sound of his voice, you suddenly fall asleep.

Taking the painkiller to have it with a sip of coffee, you have a seat on the sofa. Grunting. And having some flashes about last night. Creeper doesn't say anything, but looks at you as if he is waiting for some words of yours. Licking your lips, you turn at him with an eyebrow raised. But when you're about to ask what is wrong with him, your cat spits a dead mouse on your lap. You have never screamed before this loud, kicking it and running away from the sofa. Your boyfriend is drowning in laughs, stirring and rolling over the floor.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, OTELO?”

The cat is calmed, sitting over the coffee table, cleaning his face by licking one of his paws to rub it.

“Don't blame him! He only brought you your friend”.

“THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, NERON? PUT THAT… FUCKING RAT OUTTA MY HOUSE. UGH!”

“You ran over him last night, and made me give him a funeral, after burying him”.

“I DID NOT”.

“Yeah, you did, mama. I have pictures”.

“THROW IT TO THE FUCKING TRASH AND SHUT THE FUCK UP, NERON”.

“Nah, I'm gonna put him back to his hole”.

[doof-doofblog]

"Another Time, Yeah?"

Tuesday 15th June 2021

(Part One & Part Two)

Hello again everyone, as promised I'm back with another post - 3 blog posts from me this week, that's more than I did last week!! But anyway I'm going to review everything from Tuesday's episodes in this post.  

So without further ado, I'm going to begin with mentioning Ruby. The day after her second miscarriage, Martin is surprised to learn that once again she has every intention of going to work and forgetting about the events that have occurred. Martin tries his best to convince his wife to rest for the rest of the day but as Ruby tries to explain her reasons for wanting to go to work, she notices the screen on Martin's laptop, it shows that he's been looking up options for IVF.

Understandably, Martin is trying to help in any way he can to make sure he and his wife have they family they've been longing for. However Ruby makes the valid point that it's not the getting pregnant that's the problem, it's being able to stay pregnant. Martin tries to explain that if they really want to have a family they can consider other options available, but Ruby then drops the bombshell that after everything she's gone through she really can't bring herself to go through any more trauma and loss. She informs Martin that instead of trying to fight to have a family, she's going to embrace the family she already has.

However, later Ruby is seen alone, visiting the memorial that she and Martin created for their lost baby, she gently adds another stone to commemorate the second baby she has lost. As the camera spins we see that just across the patch of grass, Jean is sat on her own but as she turns around and notices Ruby, she joins her. Jean realises exactly what's happening and speaks softly to her. Informing Jean about the decision to not try for another baby and to accept the family she has, Jean makes a very touching statement - "You know what I see? I don't see a woman who's given up, I see a woman who's grieving, and I believe there's still a lot of fight in you!" - as beautiful as those words are, it completely hits Ruby to the core and she softly begins to cry, such a moving moment.

--

The next thing I'm going to mention is Tiffany and Keegan. It's the day of their photoshoot and Tiffany is completely excited about the press and media attention. Wanting to get her name out there also, she informs Keegan that she's come up with a name for their joint business - Something along the lines of "ButcherBakerBeauty-Baps?" ... (I'm sure they'll come up with a better name eventually!) Suddenly when Tiffany sees herself in the mirror she's horrified to see that the day of their photoshoot she been graced with a spot on her chin, frantically she begins to flap, claiming that she needs to look good for their photoshoot - I have to be honest the main thought that was entering my mind at this point was "The photoshoot isn't even meant to be hers so why is she making such a fuss?" - without meaning to be mean, but I don't know I guess it just didn't sit right with me, she shouldn't be focusing on her and should be supporting her husband instead.

As Tiffany calls her friend in desperate need of some assistance, it seems that her friend manages to get someone round to do Tiffany's make-up. However when Tiffany compliments the stylist's skin, the lady informs her that she does cheat by using injections such as Botox and fillers. Realising that injecting herself with something could change her appearance to the way she wants, Tiffany urges the beautician to use the injections on her for her photoshoot - even though the beautician warns her it can be very pricey! Again, I have to be honest - as soon as I realised that Tiffany was going to ask for injections my mind just went racing - how much do you want to bet that Tiffany is going to become addicted to beauty injections?! It could be a possible new storyline for her which could end with serious consequences?

Even though she is thrilled with the end results, Tiffany is shocked to see the price she has to pay for the treatment and asks whether she can pay half now and pay the rest within in the next couple of days. Later as Keegan and Tiffany are enjoying the photoshoot - the photographer is keen on focusing on Keegan and asking him questions about his business. But when Keegan tries to turn their attention to Tiffany so she can promote her business/brand - you can see that the photographer is the least bit interested.

The next day, as everyone is gushing about the article in the newspaper about Keegan, Tiffany buys herself a newspaper hoping to see a whole page spread of herself and her husband in the newspaper. But she is visibly devastated when she realises that she hasn't even been mentioned and the whole article is about Keegan and his business. She later voices her annoyance and devastation to her friend Chloe, claiming that she has spent a fortune on injections for nothing! But worse still, how is her husband going to react when he finds out she's spending money on things she doesn't need!

Chloe then suggests that in a way to make as much money as she can so Keegan won't suspect anything is for her to flog diet pills. She claims she doesn't know how they work and has never used them but manages to sell them and get decent enough money for doing so. For a split moment I had hoped that Tiffany would know better than to sell some dodgy diet pills, but it looks as though she is very tempted. Later when she meets up with Bernie, she confides in her friend about the money she has spent on fillers to make herself look good for the photoshoot.

Of course Bernie is sympathetic towards her friends, but then suddenly Tiffany starts rummaging in her bag for something and empties out the contents of her bag, quickly Bernie notices the tubs of diet pills she's in possession of and asks where she got them from and whether they work, it's then that Bernie drops the bombshell that she needs to lose weight quickly, and Tiffany is a bit surprised by her choice of words, asking why "Quickly". It's then that finally Bernie feel able to tell someone about her plans and informs Tiffany that she's agreed to be Rainie and Stuart's surrogate, much to her best friend's shock. Tiffany warns Bernie to be careful where Rainie and Stuart are concerned because when she offered to be their surrogate she recalled that they didn't leave her alone. But Bernie is adamant that she needs the money for her family and claims that her Mum believes that she'll be getting a bonus from the call centre. Eventually she practically begs Tiff to allow her to use the diet pills, she claims she can be her guinea pig in a way and will pay her once she's made her money from the surrogacy. Tiffany looks really reluctant to do so but makes Bernie promise that she'll read the instructions before taking them.

Honestly, I fear this is going to be a massive downward spiral for the both of them. Tiffany getting hooked on beauty injections and then Bernadette getting addicted to diet pills and both making themselves ill. What do you guys think?! I'm really intrigued to hear your thoughts on this one!

--

Elsewhere on the Square, Shirley is still reeling about the news of Linda's pregnancy, she still can't understand why she wasn't told much earlier on when she arrived back in Walford. She admits to Nancy and Frankie that she feels as though her family are shutting her out. I have to say though I loved the banter between the three of them in this scene. Nancy tries to swerve the conversation from her parents sex life to Shirley's own love life and happens to point out that she hasn't been with anyone since Buster!!!

Oh my goodness, do you guys remember Buster??? It was proven that he was in fact Mick's biological Dad, which makes him Nancy and Frankie's Grandad. Hearing that Frankie has a Grandad seemed to excite the girl, but she and Nancy still continue to make fun of Shirley - claiming that for her next birthday they're going to buy her a pair of slippers and a throw as they claim it's time for her to hang up her knee-high leather boots. I do love the jip that Shirley snaps back at them, it makes the whole scene much more comical and the dynamic between them all is just brilliant!

It's then they Frankie points to Terry sat on his own and urges Shirley to ask him for a drink, at first Shirley shows no interest but after being goaded by her Granddaughters, she eventually gets the courage to approach Terry and (in not so many words) informs him that he will be buying her a drink. The one thing that completely confused me though was that Terry called himself by the name "Rocky" as he introduced himself to Shirley, can anyone explain to me why? His name is Terry right? I don't understand where the "Rocky" came from? - Unless it's similar to Callum's name - Callum "Halfway" Highway?!

Meanwhile, as Terry agrees to have a quick drink with Shirley, Sonia is at home prepping a lovely roast dinner meal for herself and her Dad to celebrate and early Father's Day. But back in the pub, as Shirley and Terry begin to chat and get to know each other, Nancy and Frankie keep showering them with drinks. As the sisters notice that they appear to be getting on, Nancy places down another drink in front of them claiming it's on the house, while Frankie sneakily changes the time on the clock.

Terry is adamant he can only stay until 1pm as he has a lunch date with Sonia, but as he looks at clock to see he still has plenty of time, he continues to drink. Unfortunately though, both Frankie and Nancy reveal to each other that instead of giving them single vodka drinks, they've been serving them triple vodka's all shift. Eventually as things get a bit loud, Nancy and Frankie realise their mistake. Shirley and Terry are both drunkenly singing along to "Come On, Eileen!" and then eventually "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)".

I have to admit, even though it was hilarious watching drunk Shirley singing along to the music and having a laugh with Terry, you do feel sorry for Sonia as you realise that Terry has accidentally stood her up for her meal. Arriving at the Vic and seeing the drunken state her Dad is in, she demands Terry to leave Walford and to never come back. Over the next day or so, Terry is desperate to make it up to his daughter and he appears to think that the only way he can do it is to roll out the red carpet in her house for her and make her a meal of her own and instead of calling it "Father's Day" makes it a "Daughter's Day".

As Sonia agrees to give him one final chance, they make it up by taking a selfie together. But when Terry leaves his phone on the table and Sonia takes a look at the picture, she begins to scroll through his phone and sees that there are other photos of houses on his phone. What could these mean? Is he planning on moving to Albert Square for good? OR is he in some kind of business where some of the local properties are going to be knocked down? Who knows?!

--

The next thing I have to mention is Kat and Phil. Kat is completely excited to learn that things are on the move where her business with Phil is concerned. Phil has confirmed that he has bought the laundrette for their business opportunity and they're just waiting for the paperwork to go through. Only her happiness doesn't seem to last for long as when she enters the café and is confronted by Sharon, it seems that Sharon warns her that anything that Phil is involved in is never legit. Although Sharon's relationship with Phil was completely different compared to Kat's relationship with him, it seems that Sharon's words fill Kat's head with doubt. Eventually she takes it upon herself to confront Phil, claiming she wants to see the paperwork to make sure everything they're doing is legit. She claims that she has already been prison once and doesn't want to end up there again, she needs to be completely certain that going into business with Phil is the right thing to do. I think people are too easy to judge Phil, they should give him a break, he informs Kat that he shouldn't listen to a word that Sharon's said and to trust him, he wants to focus on their future and having something in place for both of their children, but more importantly if she is wanting this as much as he does, then she needs to learn to trust him. I still think that if all goes well for these two, Kat and Phil could potentially be the new power couple on the Square! What do you think?!

--

Lastly, Callum is still appearing to struggle with the trauma of what happened with his partner. The one person he's been able to confide in is Whitney. After anxiously waiting to hear news about his partner's condition, he was completely relieved when Ash informs him that Fitzy's operation was a success and he should make a full recovery.

As he excitedly informs Whitney about the good news, Whitney reminds him that he should tell Ben now, considering that Fitzy is going to be okay. Callum kind of shuts that comment down and asks Whitney whether she'll accompany him to the hospital to see his partner. However, without their knowledge, Ben sees them from across the Square getting into a cab together, I have to say Ben & Callum's married life hasn't really started off well has it? They've come back from their honeymoon, Phil is still reluctant to talk to either Callum or Ben as he stills holds a grudge against Callum for going behind his back, and Callum has had to deal with the trauma of witnessing his partner being stabbed on the job.

But even though Callum maybe wants to tell Ben about his, Ben did at the start find it hard to accept Callum in the police and had the cheek to ask him to quit, but realising that he loves Callum for who he is and not is job, changes his mind and just requests that Callum never speaks about work to him. So of course, with that in mind, Callum must feel that he has no one else to talk to about recent events, which is why he has leaned on Whitney over the past couple of days. But when Ben sees them getting into that car together, you can tell he's beginning to speculate what they could be up to.

Unfortunately, after returning from seeing Fitzy in the hospital, it looks like it hasn't really helped Callum cope with it, he begins to fret and lash out claiming it was his fault that he's in hospital with wires all attached to him. Almost hurting himself on the garden gate, Whitney acknowledges that she has seen Callum this way before, and it's all down to his PTSD - (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) - we know that he went through it when he was in the army, but now it appears to be resurfacing. The one thing that crossed my mind was, is Ben aware about Callum's PTSD? Has that always been a thing that Ben has known about, I'm a bit unsure?

However, it seems that Whitney is eager for Callum to inform his husband now more so than ever that what's been happening. But when Callum arrives home and Ben asks him how his day at work was, Callum lies to him once again claiming he's had a really busy day and just wants to have a shower alone. Now Ben knows that Callum is lying about being in work, so obviously he's going to be wondering what else he's lying about or not telling him. As Callum makes his way into the shower, Ben grabs his opportunity to search his rucksack and it seems he's completely stunned to find an engagement ring - of course he's going to be completely clueless and wondering why his husband has an engagement ring, but we know that before Fitzy was rushed to hospital, Fitzy gave it to Callum to give to his girlfriend.

I think Callum really needs to talk to Ben soon before he jumps to conclusions and lashes out, accusing Callum of something he's completely innocent of. Overall a good few episodes I have to say, I've really enjoyed being able to type up a couple of blogs this week, I was getting myself a little stressed out that I was so far behind and hadn't posted in a while, but again I want to thank you all for continuing to follow me and show your interest in my blog, it really means the world. Please feel free to send me any thoughts or opinions you may have on the current storylines. Enjoy the rest of your week and I'll be back very soon! Love you all xXx

[meltalks]

my experience with addy / hiqey

i’ve contemplated posting my history with addy/hiqey for awhile now. my friends have encouraged me to do so, but due to her stance in the rpc i was always far too scared to do so. with all that is coming to light with her recently, not only is a huge weight off my shoulders as far as comfortably roleplaying as my escape, but knowing i’m not alone. my story with addy dates back to about september 2018. i do warn you this will be long, and i’ll try to include enough details to make it make sense while not dragging things on and on. this includes both my personal relationship with addy, as well as my experience with her in groups one where she she was an admin, and groups where i was an admin. as well as i believe we coadmined one together. i’ve put screenshots where i could, but some of this dates back to 2018 and i just don’t have access to those texts/rp accounts anymore.

a huge huge shout out to @bumkeyz for starting this avalanche, and for also supporting me one on one along with all my friends to feel safe enough to come forward. i’ll put all of my story under a read more. 

i’m going to start this by saying, my name is mel/melanie. you may have heard of me because back when addy was on rpslayed she wasn’t a big fan of me for awhile. predominantly my group the cape(?) the main isn’t up anymore so i can’t remember the exact @. i’m 21 years old, i will be 22 this month. i am married & i have a 3 year old daughter. this is information i don’t normally tell people i’m married / have a child, because well, i just feel a little judged. not because anything anyone has specifically done or said, but my own anxieties worried that people will think it’s weird to be married with a child and still in twitter rp. but it is important to my story with addy, which is why i’m letting everyone know right off the bat. 

i met addy in a group called producers. this group is from september 2018, so i’m not able to access anything right now, but am digging. i played (feel free to clown me) a g-eazy character named pierce. addy played a carlson young who’s name i can’t quite recall, and a gracie abrams named lolly. lolly & pierce became friends first & at some point we exchanged phone numbers. lolly & pierce flirted a lot, pierce was a player yada yada. eventually she ended up getting a different ship on lolly & pushed her carlson young onto pierce. pierce had a different love interest & didn’t end up going for her. this should’ve been the first negative sign/red flag. when pierce didn’t get with her character, she got very short & snarky ic and ooc. i believe both of her characters blocked me ic. even though pierce had made no ic promises to either to not be with someone else. we still maintained some level of friendship, but she was extremely weird about when i mentioned my ship. our friendship ended for a few months because of an incident that started ic between me and another character. the mun who played this character and i had bonded ooc over having been pregnant, we talked somewhat often about her dealings with her pregnancy. so i felt close enough/friendly enough with this mun that when something happened with her character & another character ic i dm’ed her to see if she was ok .long story short it went bad. i texted addy and told her that. i explained that i felt as if this mun & i were close and it was like dm’ing a friend. she held onto the fact that i shouldn’t have messaged her. when i didn’t immediately conform to her thought she kicked me out of the group. i was literally devastated. i loved that group, that character, my ship; all of it. she blocked me. though this story is 2 paragraphs long, it’s minor in the grand scheme of things. after this she smeared me on rpslayed for months until our paths crossed again in a group called glitches/glitch? we decided to squash our beef. this was december 2019.

in december 2019 we became friends again. honestly, i wish we never crossed paths. we got very close right away. she started telling me about a bad friendship she had, with someone we mutually knew from producers who i will not name since it’s not my place to put their name in this, and gained my sympathy. so much so that i ended a friendship with that person based solely on accusations that addy had told me. this is something that i can now realize i did wrong. i literally cussed this person out on the phone, solely based off things addy told me. i didn’t listen to someone who had been my friend for months, who defended me and picked me up when addy was tearing me down on rpslayed. i turned my back because addy convinced me to. she made this person seem awful. and again, i’m not naming them, but they know exactly who they are. and when thy do read this, i’m sorry.

now this is where things get out of hand. addy & i begun an intimate relationship. this is very personal, and i know some may pass judgment. but my husband was cool with it. addy also began talking to my husband, they texted. we had a groupchat. not to get into details about the relationship, but it was romantic. i am going to try and organize my thoughts. into themes.

money

this relationship lasted from about january ish to april romantically. i became addy’s crutch. she began going through personal issues with her family. and i started sending her money. to be frank i don’t remember how it started. i helped her with a job search, supporting her through these tough things that were going on. the money started casually i suppose. it was $10 for lunch. $25 for nails. but then it got worse. i bought her a phone. and slowly she grew more entitled to my money. asking for it. demanding it. guilting me when i didn’t give it. i lied to her and told her i lost my credit card and turned it off, but the guilt i had i told her that i could turn it on when she needed it. in screenshots i will post below she guilted me because i was sick and fell asleep before turning my card on. whether what she’s saying occured is true or not, it was just one example of how she made me feel. at one point she had my credit card on her uber, and charged nearly $400 of ubers on my credit card that i didn’t know about. she claimed it was an accident, because i let her put my card on her account under the agreement that she would turn it off. we had an agreement of what she would pay me back, some things that i got her were gifts and i didn’t want/need back. other things it was always an agreement she would pay me back. however whenever i would mention sending me a payment she had an excuse. one time even guilting me by reminding me how much better i have it than she does. all in all i spent / sent upwards of $2500/$3000 on her. only about $1500/$1800 i wanted back. i never saw a dime back, she never made good on her promises. at some point i gave up on asking.

ETA: as far as the uber situation goes, she did apologize and state that it was never on purpose when i found out that there was nearly $500 in charges. she said she thought she was charging her moms card. this shows a photo of 1 page of a 5 page statement of all the transactions put on my card by her in one month. there are only 6 of these transactions that were me. all of the ubers and venmo were her. i didn’t make her take off my card, which in hindsight was obviously a very bad decision. i just didn’t want to leave her stranded without ways to get home/where she needed to be. 

this is her demanding money. this was in the summer. at this point i was so manipulated by her/scared of her/scared of losing her that i didn’t know how to say no. in this instance i deflected with a picture of my child. screen shot.

in the screenshots here, this is where i fell asleep. i was on vacation and got extremely dehydrated in the sun. i literally felt so sick and she made me feel guilty for falling asleep. X X X 

this screenshot shows one of the times i actually asked her when she would repay me. at this point my credit card was nearly maxed out from ubers and sending her money. i was anxious about it and she made me feel bad for asking because her situation was worse than mine. this was the same day she asked me for $250 for a down payment on her car. X asking for money. X making me feel bad for asking when she’s gonna pay.

literally to this day im still in credit card debt because of this. yes i make good money, yes my husband does too. but credit card debt is hard and everyone knows it. i do fine for myself, but i don’t have hundreds extra to pay this down. 

also, i cannot locate the bank screenshot. but as recent as this february, six months since she spoke to me, she still had my card on her uber and usted it again. i can’t find the screenshot of the actual of the bank transaction because i’ve completely had to close that account for fraud and transfer my balance to a new card. but here is a screenshot from february 12 where i tell my friends i caught her doing it. X .

manipulation in groups/related to groups

orbis. i ran a group called orbis, it was a reality show group. addy was one of my friends who really wanted me to open it. all of my groups i’ve adminned i’m the lead. i just always take on that roll so i do get very busy with them on top of my real life. i work full time and i’m a mom so i spread myself thin.she made me feel really guilty for this, saying i wasn’t giving her enough time, she wasn’t anyones dog. so i posted my unfollow. then she told me i was stupid for doing that. so i deleted my unfollow. then she said that me deleting my unfollow showed that i didn’t really care how she felt. screens. X X

lumeer. very similar situation to above. only this time i left the group completely for about 3 weeks. i called my coadmin crying about what she was doing to me, sent her the psds and templates for grpahics and left fully, though i helped them out if issues arose/they needed anything. 

impulse. this was recently and this got brought to the tags. im going to copy & paste what i sent to bumkeyz as far as the story goes for what happened.

“ what happened in impulse is only one of several examples of addy being awful in groups i've adminned. this goes back to our friendship but specifically here's what happened in impulse. addy played a character named briar, the other characters involved were as mentioned in other posts loki & khalil (fai fc). one of he first days of the group khalil hooked up with both loki & briar. when the "updates" account posted about loki & khalil's hook up (we posted any and all plot drops that were sent in, it was a reality show so we consistently updated what the cameras caught), briar got upset on main. addy then messaged khalil's mun ooc and asked for the plot to be erased. essentially because she didn't like that khalil had hooked up with both her and another girl in the same day/same manor. as odd of a request as i was the khalil mun agreed to wipe it & asked that if there was anything that ever came up again that made addy uncomfortable to please not hesitate to dm. addy then softblocked khalil. which is strange. why soft block with briar's reason to dislike khalil has been wiped? that night addy posted on her personal tumblr hiqey "i forgot all fai khadra fcs are weirdos" or soemthing along that line. the khalil mun reasonably got uncomfortable with that, but was softblocked & didn't tell the main. they just ignored it since their characters weren't interacting now. for the next few days addy continued to shade khalil and loki on main, despite any ic reason for disliking them being wiped. loki then approached briar IN CHARACTER asking what was wrong/why she was shading/why they didn't like her. i don't know all the details of that conversation, but i know it ended with loki saying she was going to block briar & briar saying that was fine. bear in mind the admins had no idea any of this was happening at this point. addy then dmed the main, playing victim. after more shading of khalil, khalil's mun decided to block briar as well. addy despite wiping this plot and having 0 ic communication with khalil continued to shade the characters ic. so addy dmed the main playing innocent. asking for us to have them unblock, saying she had no idea why they blocked or what she did. as admins we had no idea why either, figured it was something ic so we dmed both muns. khalil's mun agreed after some hestiation, and asked if they had to follow her and i said no. they didn't elaborate. loki's mun however refused, & i'm glad she did because she told us what was going on. of course once we were told everyting we didn't make her unblock. up until we told addy that we were not going to make those muns unblock her, she was extremely sweet to us. she praised us on her rpt. said she loved the group. fed the main compliments. but when she didn't get her way out of us, and was essentially told on, she started causing issues on the timeline with different characters. she sent us a dm on the main telling us to "learn how to handle your group melanie" and deactivated before i could get a chance to reply. “

what i didn’t tell bumkeyz is that deejay/rpslayed played khalil. another example of addy’s manipulation is that when she saw deejay getting anons she followed deejay and texted her after several months of no communication, starting to tell her side of the story and play innocent -- not knowing that deejay was the person who was behind khalil the entire time. she made khalil out to be the bad guy, not knowing that it was deejay. after finding out deejay and i were friends, when deejay posted on rpslayed for people to follow me shortly after trying to get deejay on her side, addy blocked us both (again). 

manipulation between friends (?)

i don’t really know a great way to title this, but this is similar to the situation i mentioned with the unnamed person above -- how addy made me think that person was the worst so i would stop being friends with them. this is a few more examples of that.

the entire time i was friends with addy, she told me that deejay hated me. she told me that deejay was convinced that i was this person who tried to get her kicked out of a group. she told me that she did her very best to convince deejay that it wasn’t true, but no matter what she did deejay just hated me. nearly a year later deejay and i cross paths in a group. we started talking ooc and i mentioned this. i asked her why she thought that was me. we found out that basically, while addy was telling me she was trying to convince deejay it wasn’t me, she was telling deejay that it was me. she would also tell me personal information about deejay that i had no business knowing, whether it be real life information or just telling me the groups deejay adminned when she knew deejay didn’t want anyone knowing. 

i have found out recently that addy has recently been telling people a lie about when she came to visit me. on one evening when she visited me in june of 2019, we went to my friend’s house. we both drank, and smoked. i am someone who neither drinks nor smokes, and i got a very bad mix from it. my anxiety sky rocketed. i was crying on my friends couch practically paralyzed. i didn’t want to move. i felt sick. i felt scared. my friends were going to drive us back to my house and shortly before we were about to walk out addy said she needed to go to the hospital. my friend’s boyfriend drove her there, and when he came back they took me home. this night is very blurry for me. i remember barely being able to see straight, my friend helped me walk to and from the car. addy has told her friends that i refused to pick her up from the hospital that night, and i’ve now heard this from two of her close friends. when in reality, i was so far gone that not only was i sick and scared, but i couldn’t see straight. i had absolutely no ability to be behind a wheel. i’m not surprised she twisted this against me.

i provided a few people screenshots where addy was telling me to block them/trying to convince me that they were awful and hurting me. at the same time that addy was telling me this, she was doing the opposite to them -- to keep us apart. i believe this is some sort of power. always wanting to be everyones number one.

i don’t have a lot of screenshots for this, so i won’t go into much detail, but i can say on more than one occasion, or more than five or ten she told me who to and not to be friends with. told me to block people who had been our friends who were no longer friends with her. 

flat out manipulation.

i don’t want to go back through my texts too much honestly. it’s still a sore spot. it still sucks and it still hurts. but i think anyone and everyone involved with addy at some point or another has similar stories about the way she treats her friends. there were points where i begged. begged and begged her not to leave me. i can’t even count how many times she blocked and unblocked me. how many times she made me feel the worst and then came back. she came back because she knw i was there. and that my generosity was practically endless. i couldn’t say no to her, frankly i can’t say no to anyone. if anyone dmed me today and said hey i need $15 for a ride home. i’d probably send it. that’s just how i am. addy completely had me wrapped around her finger. to the point that i left friends who were good to me. i left my own groups i worked hard on. i nearly ended my engagement (which cannot be entirely blamed on her, but the relationship she and i had was built off lots of manipulation). i know that i could go find 100 screenshots and texts of her manipulating me but honest i just don’t want to do that to myself again. she has made me out to be the villain to anyone she can. i have had 2 different people tell me that she told them i say the n word, which is the furthest thing from the truth. i fear the things she’s said about me to people. if she can 100% make something up, what can she twist from actual arguments or issues we had? 

i know this sounds like a lot of rambling for nothing. but for nearly two years i’ve lived in fear in the rpc of addy. less so when we were friends. i’ve feared telling my side because i felt invalid. frankly even as i type this im scared. scared she’s already convinced everyone i’m awful and no one will read this or care. i just am thankful that this finally came to light. i am glad that i won’t feel scared anymore. roleplay is my one place to be free. as a mother, a full time worker, i don’t have a lot of time for hobby’s and frankly i don’t have a lot of them. i don’t draw, or read. i like to write. and i’m just thankful this can finally be lifted off me.

[star-whores-a-new-hoe]

How Long Will You Stay With Me?//Obi Wan X Reader Forever series: Part 9

Summary: You heal from the painful news of your planet. (I’m so bad at summaries.) 

Word Count: 1K

Warnings: ANGST! but fluff as well! talk of depression, healing from trauma, some ROTS spoilers, a tik tok reference, typos and bad writing! 

A/N: So thinking this was going to be about 500 words I said it was going to be an epilogue....I was wrong! I can’t believe we are at the end of the series, thanks to everyone who enjoyed it and I hope you like the ending! I did make a post going into more detail about the series finishing here.

The lazy evening sun danced across the ornate designs of the Jedi temple floor, bathing it in the soft colors of sunset as the sweet sounds of music echoed through the room, creating a sense of lazy serenity. 

You sat with your back against the cool wall, legs crossed, next to the small Twi’lek padawan you’d met so long ago, your treasured instrument placed in her small hands. Watching with the calm eyes of a mentor as she fumbled with the uke.

“Good, and if you put your finger down here,” you showed her the right fret and string. “You’ll get a G chord.”

“Like this?” She asked as she strummed. 

“Perfect! Both your faces lit up in unison in appreciation of her small triumph.

Several months had passed since the discovery of the devastating news regarding Earth. You had spent roughly four weeks of that time curled up in the apartment, reeling from the emotional blow that had shattered your heart. 

The grief of your loss had overwhelmed you, consumed you until you were nothing but a hollow shell attempting to reassemble the impossible puzzle that was your emotions. Day after day was spent in bed, trying in vain to gather yourself enough to get up and take care of things. But your grief weighted you down like an anchor, preventing you from fleeing the inner purgatory you resided in. 

Obi wan was by your side the entire time, reassuring you without judgment or pressure while also giving you the space you needed to heal. You couldn't count all the nights he had spent holding your numb  body in his arms until you the relief of sleep washed over you. His support and love meant everything to you.

But with time, you began to heal. Slowly, and with the assistance of the friends you had made in the past year, you began to put together your pieces, assembling yourself, reintroducing things you loved back into your life. You took up training again, spent time with the younglings, even let Anakin teach you how to pilot a speeder. (Something Obi Wan was not very happy about.) 

You knew in your heart and soul that the solemn weight of your tragedy would always remain with you, but you also knew that you had the strength to keep it from defining you. 

It was moments like this that helped, sitting here with someone so young and bright, taking a deep breath with the evening sun shining on you and passing on the things you knew. It was a gentle reminder that you were a part of something bigger than yourself, something beautiful and all encompassing.

As you and the padawan talked into the night, your laughter filling the almost empty temple, the sound of echoing footsteps against the marble floor reached your ears.

“Ah, thought I might find you here.” Obi Wan said as he appeared in the large door frame, a playful smile tugging at his lips. “It’s quite late you know, rather past time for all padawans to be in bed.” He teased.

“Oh, you can be such a downer Master Kenobi.” You shot back with equal teasing affection. “Besides, a little music before bed is good for the soul.”

“And so is getting enough sleep, why don’t we get you to the dormitories?” Obi suggests to the young girl. With a sleepy sort of smile, she places the uke back in your hands and gives you a quick hug.

“Thanks for teaching me some stuff Master y/n.” You were pleasantly taken aback by the title but accepted it with glee nonetheless.

“Sure thing! Now, get to bed.” 

You waited by the speeder for obi wan, hugging the uke in your arms as you watched the ships overhead, trying to count them as they flew by, an impossible task. You only gave up when you noticed a familiar figure approaching you.

“Hi there.” You said with a goofy grin as he neared the vehicle.

“Seems you’ve grown quite popular with the younglings, I’ve heard many requests to learn more of those ‘tik tok’ dances.” You laughed as he got in the driver's seat of the speeder.

“I’d like to see you try some tik tok dances.”

“Oh, I don’t think so.” He chuckled, starting up the speeder and gently soaring into the horizon. As he took off into the streaming highways of the city, the two of you sat in a comfortable silence, letting the evening breeze brush over you. 

You snuck a glance over to your partner, letting your eyes take in every feature of him. His beautiful focused eyes that you could swim in for hours, His coppery hair, gleaming in the sunlight, his soft lips that you couldn't get enough of, and the dashing beard you had grown so fond of. Your thoughts drifted to all the other things as well you. His caring compassion, the way he held himself, how he fought so hard for what he believed in. How he fought so hard for you. 

Stars, how did you get so lucky?

“Hey.” you said, Your voice drifting over him like a soothing melody. 

“Yes?”

You moved your hand over the console to gently grasp his, letting your thumb lazily draw circles on the back of his hand. “I love you.”

He turned to you with pure adoration in his gaze as he too remembered all the both of you had been through. “I love you too.” 

                                                           ***

It had all happened so fast. In the blink of an eye the war was over, Anakin had fallen, and the empire had risen. It was almost impossible to wrap you head around the shock and grief. 

You stood next to Obi Wan, cradling baby Luke in your arms as you stared out at the tatooine sunset, the glowing desert light washing over you. Moving your gaze from the sunset and to Obi Wan, you could see the tired sadness in his eyes. Yet, behind it all, there was a hint of something else, something that you were feeling too. 

Hope. 

As long as you were with him, you knew you would have hope.

He took his eyes off the horizon to glance down at you and the bundle in your arms, a soft smile gracing his face at the sight of the sleeping baby. He then brought his gaze to, reaching his hand up to brush across your face.

“How long will you stay here with me?” He asked. You grinned at him, leaning into his warm touch.

“Forever.”

[iworshipkeanureeves]

BLAMELESS - Chapter 1

“Stupid or Brave?”

Keanu Reeves x OFC (Laura Walsh)

Series summary: Two strangers are joined by the murder that they have accidentally committed together. Can they follow their plan for the sake of getting away with it, or will their feelings take over, no matter how risky that is?  

Note: This is kind of my 500 followers celebration (thank you so much!) and I’m starting my first ever longer series. I’m excited and a little scared, I hope this goes well. I have 10 chapters outlined for now but there might be a couple more. I’ll probably update it weekly, but I don’t want to promise anything and set a strict update schedule. This series is inspired by Big Little Lies and How To Get Away With Murder. Your feedback is greatly appreciated and I hope you’ll enjoy!

Warnings: abusive relationship (verbal and physical abuse), murder (mentions of blood, knife)

Words: 3.1 K

“Come home with me.” These were the most gruesome, gut-wrenching words she could ever hear from him.

Home. What did it even mean?

What did it say about her home when a crowded street felt safer than the bedroom shared with a man claiming to love her the most? When her bathroom floor was covered in salt, remaining from the soul-crushing tears she would cry until there was left no more? It was the place she was scared to come back to, so dark and so cold that even the brightest days felt like inescapable torture, filled with fear of learning what else that man was capable of.

That was not home, not for Laura at least. And one thing she knew for sure, she had to leave.

Now, weary and afraid, walking in the dark unfamiliar neighborhood, desperately trying to lose the man tailing her steps, Laura remembers how she got here in the first place.

She recalls speeding back home from her office in the middle of the business hours, cramming her suitcase with only what was the most important to her, and stuffing her pockets with bundles of cash she has been saving up for this day. Laura had it all planned, she had the perfect scheme to disappear from Robert’s life for good, leaving him no clue where to look for her.

Except that he came home early today.

This led to Laura also remembering Robert’s furious eyes, as he saw the packed luggage resting in the corner, making him very much aware of Laura’s plan. As well as his raised voice, together with his sturdy fingers violently snapping car keys out of his woman’s hand, trying to make her scared.

None of that stopped Laura though. She had one goal. To leave. It didn’t matter how or where anymore, all she knew was that it had to happen today. She’d rather die fighting than suffer another day.

Grabbing only the backpack casing her most essential stuff and leaving the house on foot, Laura prayed that Robert would stay away.

She recalls rushing outside, knowing that the public was her only way of staying safe. Laura remembers running, searching for busier streets, knowing that Robert wouldn’t dare to do anything with neighbors’ eyes set on her. She foolishly hoped that he would eventually give up, that losing her in the crowds would stop him, making Robert afraid to openly show the world what kind of cruel person he actually was.

But it didn’t work out this way.

And now she hates herself for being so stupid; or maybe, she hates herself for trying to be brave.

The sun is setting and people are getting sparser, leaving Laura feeling even less safe. Every time she walks past someone, she tries to find courage and cry for help; she knows she only needs one person to hear her. However, having received nothing but indifference for the majority of her life, Laura now is too afraid. She is certain that if her first try failed, only God knows what Robert would do to her.

Laura sees his shadow following everywhere; but she is too scared to look back. She knows that Robert will do anything in his power to stop her, to bring her back home. But she keeps walking, her tired legs barely holding the weight. Whenever she tries to make a turn leading to the city, Robert immediately steers her back towards the hills.

“Stop acting like a dumb bitch and come home with me,” he whispers, grabbing Laura’s elbow and squeezing it tightly to cause her pain. “Where are you even going? Do you think anyone needs you? Do you think anyone can ever love you?” His words are full of spite, but she ignores them. 

Her mind is operating on a survival mode. She understands that Robert is trying to corner her, to force her into the hiking trail leading up the hill. He knows that’s what Laura fears the most – having no one else around to stop him. 

Robert can already feel the woman shivering, her eyes are tearing as she is thinking about her unfortunate fate. She is isolated, vulnerable; she is the perfect prey.

Meanwhile, even though she is in panic, Laura does everything in her power to avoid going up the hill; she can’t end up alone with him. She is trying to stick to the base, take an alternative path and reach the road while it isn’t too late.

The sun is already past the horizon, leaving just Laura and Robert alone in the dusk. “This is your last chance.” Robert now speaks in his full voice, seeing no more spectators around them.

It is her last chance indeed. It is her last chance to run, to resist, to show him that she is done being his victim, pleasing him all the time just because he made her scared.

But she has gotten tired of this fear, of his abuse, years of suffering alone. To the point where she is willing to take the chance; maybe she’ll die, but at least she is going to try.

“I don’t love you, please just let me go.” Laura whines, her words fueling the fire. She snaps her elbow out of his clutch and runs. She doesn’t know where exactly she is running, but as long as it is away from him, Laura is fine with it.

She feels the fatigue abandoning her body, as a dose of adrenaline is being pumped through her veins. Laura feels free. She flees ignoring the branches hitting her face and roots sticking out of the ground in her way.

In fact, she can already hear the traffic, meaning the road is near, and it motivates her.

But Robert outruns her. 

He gets close enough to yank Laura’s hair, making her trip and fall to the ground. She feels no pain, just struggle, as he is forcing her back up, tugging aggressively on her ponytail.

And if that wasn’t enough, a sharp knife meets Laura’s eyes as she is trying to stand straight. She’s terrified, witnessing a shiny blade threatening her face. And here stands Robert, completely enraged, a glimpse of sadistic pleasure settling in his gaze; he enjoys having a reason for punishing her.

“Let go of me!” She screams. What else there’s left to do?

“Please, I’m begging.” The shrieking sound turns into a sob and tears show up on Laura’s face.

Robert has no intention to let go. In fact, it seems to agitate him even more, making him bring the knife closer to Laura’s cheek, the blade almost sinking into her soft skin.

Robert has never meant to actually cut Laura before, he has always been reluctant to leave marks, knowing people might see, start questioning her. But today Robert is furious, he seems like he is ready to strangle her with his bare hands.

Laura is petrified; she can’t stop tears streaming down her face, curving around the sharp blade. She can no longer scream, nor move, nor breathe. She can only wait, knowing that nothing depends on her anymore.

“Let her go.”

They hear a deep voice coming from behind the lush tree and a massive figure of a man in the biker gear appears. Laura begs for Robert to let go, she hopes it’s over since they are no longer alone.

Robert doesn’t care though. His pride is telling him to hold on, to show Laura how far he is willing to go. He won’t accept defeat, especially not from her. And if he has to fight, he will.

“I said let her go.” The man repeats, nearing the couple, trying to peacefully separate them both. His motion is slow, yet confident, carrying his well-built frame closer to Laura with every step. It’s hard to make out his intention in the absence of light, especially with the dark messy mane partly covering his face. But as long as he is moving close, Laura feels safe.

Anything feels safer than her and Robert alone.

Noticing the blade brushing against Laura’s cheek, the stranger slows down. He is a little lost, all of them are, but no one seems to be ready to give up just yet. They stare at each other in the dark, Robert’s eyes are moving, trying to look at both, Laura and the man. She can feel that Robert is getting increasingly scared, as the man keeps slinking, inch by inch approaching them.

Suddenly, the stranger stretches his arm, throwing the dirt he has been clenching with his glove. It lands straight into Robert’s eyes, catching him off guard, giving Laura a chance.

She fights back. She pushes Robert away, escaping the tormenting grip that was restraining her.

Now Robert feels naked, deprived of his only shield. He waves the knife trying to convince everyone he is able to protect himself, but his eyes are hurting, he can hardly see the man coming to beat the hell out of him.

It is a matter of seconds before the stranger twists Robert’s arm making the knife fall to the ground, leaving Robert to fight with his bare hands. They don’t help him much though, since the man seems to have significantly more fighting experience, rewarding Robert with a bunch of devastating hits to his face.

Laura wants to run, but she can’t. Not yet.

Seeing that knife conveniently lying on the ground wakes something up in her. It is anger, wrath, ineffable furry for everything Robert has done to her, the hell he has been making Laura go through every single day.

But there is also fear. Fear that even if Laura runs, Robert might come looking for her. That he might pull her back into the same devastating world, she has no strength left to bear.

Laura isn’t afraid of dying from his hand. No. She is terrified of existing like she has been for the past five years.

Picking the knife up from the warm ground, clenching it in her bare hand, Laura feels powerful, she feels the control that she has been deprived of for many years.

All she wants is for this nightmare to finally end.

She feels the pure rage boiling within her, the immense power forcing Laura to make her fateful move, pushing the final buttons that unleash her.

One stab.

One stab and suddenly they all go quiet; disgust is filling Laura’s eyes.

Her hand is steady.

She twists the blade.

The knife goes out.

And she repeats.

Again.

And again.

And again…

Until she sees Robert collapse, his heavy weight quivering the ground, and dust filling up the air.

It is too dark to see the crimson red, but she knows it’s there. It’s the smell of Robert’s blood running down the Laura’s hand, her jacket sleeve is getting drenched.

She collapses too, realizing what a terrible thing she has done. She isn’t sorry for him, she is sorry for herself, for everything that man is going to make her suffer even after he’s dead.

Laura has no idea what to do, how to react. She is a mess. She wants to scream, but there’s a feeling in her throat. Something heavy and tight strangling her. She cries and chokes; it’s the guilt suffocating her.

“Stop.” The stranger kneels to grab her. He is holding Laura by the shoulders, trying to make her sit straight. “Say it was self-defense. You were alone and he attacked you.” He is doing his best to remain composed and help the poor girl.

“And I managed to take over the knife? I crushed his nose all by myself? No one’s going to believe this.” It is her panic speaking, her eyes rapidly flickering while she is also gulping for air. Laura feels hot, her face is burning from shame and regret. “And I stabbed him a lot… too much. Do you realize how bad this looks?” Laura finally finds the courage to take a look at the man. She thinks he must be mad for getting involved in her mess. And he is, for sure, distressed for becoming an accessory to a murder by protecting a woman he has never even met.

But all Laura sees in the stranger’s eyes is only how terribly sorry he feels for her.

“You stabbed him until it was enough to stop him, you had to be sure he won’t hurt you anymore. It’s going to be okay.” He is trying to calm Laura down, rubbing her shoulders and making her look away.

But she doesn’t move, she can’t, Laura feels as if her whole body has turned into a block of stone. “You don’t know that. In everyone’s eyes I’m going to be a murderer,” her eyes receive a new portion of tears. Murderer, that is who she is now, that is who she is going to remain for the rest of her life. 

“He is-- he was my fiancé. We were a perfect couple,” Laura stammers. “We looked like a perfect couple,” she corrects herself. “This is over, that’s it for me.”

“A-and your face… It looks familiar; I just can’t recall the name. I know you’re famous and I’m sorry for- I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry if it ruins your life too. I just don’t know what to do.” Laura is bawling her eyes out, tears drenching her swollen face. She loathes herself. She should have never tried running away.

“Give it to me.” The man commands.

“What?”

“The knife. Give it to me.” He reaches for Laura’s hand, trying to remove the knife away from her clenched fist.

“No. Why?” Even though she sees the man is wearing gloves, she is unwilling to let go. She doesn’t want to get him farther into this. She stabbed Robert and she is going to take the blame.

“Calm down and listen.” The man moves even closer to Laura’s face, trying to make sure she understands. “It’s dark, there’s no one around. I’m going to take the knife far away, you’re going to call the police and tell you’ve been robbed.” The man can’t believe his words, but he knows that he is also involved...

“That’s insane. You’re insane.” Laura is shaking her head, she thinks this is a terrible idea.

“This is as much on me as it is on you, so listen and do as I say.” The man stands up seeing Laura still confused; she is in shock and she needs his help. The only way for them to get away with this is to cooperate; otherwise, they will both go down for this very unfortunate mistake. “We are strangers, there’s nothing to relate me to you. It should work out.”

“What if it doesn’t?” Laura allows the man to help her up, and she is finally convinced to pass the knife. She starts looking around, trying to notice silhouettes hiding in the night, any possible witnesses of the crime.

“I don’t know.” He silently admits, carefully folding the knife. “Do you have anything valuable on you?” The man tries to get Laura’s attention back, but she is lost in her mind, thinking about every possible piece of evidence they are about to leave on this trail. What if they find his DNA? How many people walk here every day, leaving their trace? Can they actually do the things she has seen on television in CSI? Laura has so many questions that it is hard for her to trust the plan.

“Hey, look at me.” The man gently taps on Laura’s backpack strap. “Do you have anything valuable if we say it was a robbery?” He repeats, allowing Laura to think for a little longer, while she tries to calm down.

Laura knows that time is not on their side, and they have to call help soon. It will look suspicious otherwise.

She remembers all the cash she is carrying and begins taking it out of her pockets in generous stacks. Luckily, she has one clean hand, which lets her avoid soaking the bills in blood.

“What the hell?” The man keeps watching her, taking more and more, first out of her jacket, then she moves on to her bag. He tries to approximate the amount in his head, realizing it must be thousands of dollars. He can’t help but wonder whether the money was part of what happened here. Has he got himself involved in something even more dirty and dangerous than he previously thought?

“This was for the road. I was leaving him today.” Laura keeps sniffing, handing him stacks of money one by one. “That’s why he got upset.” She can barely see anymore, it is dark and her eyes are shutting because of her swelling face; her cheeks are boiling hot.

“So your bag then?” The stranger asks as he moves to the body, checking Robert’s pockets to find only a five dollar bill. 

It’s scary how calm he remains; but it’s all superficial. The man is scared as hell, thinking how he should have minded his own business; maybe he should have ignored the screaming girl. But he couldn’t. That is not the person he is. And if there’s any regret that troubles him, it isn’t for stepping in and protecting her; it is for not stopping the woman while it still wasn’t too late.

In the meantime Laura doesn’t even say anything. She silently cries handing her heavy backpack to the man, keeping only the phone to herself. “Please, take it?” She begs, ashamed and full of sorrow.

“I’ll find a way to give everything back to you,” the man sighs. He feels so terrible that it hurts him to even think what Laura must be going through.

“No. You said we were strangers, let’s keep it that way.” She contradicts. “It’s a ridiculous price to pay for what I did.”

They stand in silence, only the traffic sounds can be heard from far away. He hates to leave Laura alone, but that is the plan.

“Just don’t wait too long. Make the call.” He instructs, giving Laura one last look. He hopes she can make it, he prays that she does.

Eyeing the stranger disappearing into the dark woods, Laura falls back to the ground; she feels like doing nothing but falling asleep and waiting for another day to come.

But she knows she can’t. The man is risking everything by taking the weapon away with him; Laura has no choice but to stick to the plan.

She picks up her phone.

911, what is your emergency?

Chapter 2 |  Masterlist

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[livlepretre]

So we’ve established that Klaroline was set up horribly and never made much sense—plus it totally wrecked Tyler’s storyline, but were there any other ships you thought were ooc or done very poorly? Or any ships you wanted to see or thought had good potential? I still wish the show was willing to admit what was really happening with Klefan in the 20s...

Well, first off, I agree with you about Klefan with the power of a thousand burning suns. It’s so very very very clear that Klaus and Stefan were ALSO involved, and that they were involved in a messy ménage à trois with Rebekah. That detail makes Klaus insisting on Stefan going with him that summer so much more potent-- like, of course Klaus wants Stefan there, of course it’s this bizarre messed up power dynamic where they were definitely sleeping together that summer but Stefan has no idea that he and Klaus have a history, he’s just high and angry and depressed and this force of nature has entered his life and knows just exactly how to get him off?? And the angst that would cause with his reunion with Elena-- the idea that they had true love, but probably less than a month after he leaves with Klaus, he’s sleeping with him? Devastating. The fact that Klaus is so jealous over Stefan, the way that Stefan goes after him like an angry ex in season 3? Fantastic. I love this ship. I approach TVD as though this is canon because honestly it has to be?? The subtext is basically vibrating so hard it reads as just plain text. 

This also brings up the thing about Klaus calling Stefan “brother”-- Klaus has a weird incest thing to him. I’m not sure I would call this “a ship with potential” but I do think there is a really strong implication that Klaus is sexually obsessed with his sister and I understand that TVD was never going to go there as it was a CW show, but considering they are vampires and just how WEIRD their chemistry is on the show and the whole thing where they were definitely both dating Stefan, I tend to headcanon this as well. It’s part of why things are so fucked up between them. 

I suppose on to the final hinge of this triangle, this is the ship I most regret not really getting in TVD: Stefan x Rebekah. I remember after 1x03 aired, I was convinced that we were about to launch into a sickeningly angsty (read: I lived for this) situation where Stefan would be in love with both Rebekah and Elena, through no fault of his own, and be unable to put one before the other (at least, not without a really long and epic emotional arc). I really enjoyed this idea in particular because Rebekah so embodies the parts of Stefan that Stefan most loathes about himself, the parts of him that he works so hard to suppress, but which are also very deep and intrinsic elements of his character. Elena represents a different side of himself: the person he tries to be, that he tries to change himself into, with lesser and greater success. It would have been a really fascinating ship that would have given some real tension to Stefan in season 3 and also lent Stelena its first real obstacle. 

Obviously I wish there had been some actual Elijah x Elena and some actual Klaus x Elena, because everything pointed that way and it would have been FUN, but the show seemed to think that Elena could only have so many love interests, which, shame. 

In some of my more lucid moments when I can tamp down my die hard Delena feelings, I can admit that Damon x Bonnie would have been a great ship. I don’t personally like the idea of it because I really really am all in for both Delena and Stelena, but it probably would have been utterly magnificent. 

As for what I think was handled poorly:  

Salt under the cut. 

obviously klaus x caroline 

I was never very happy with Steroline... a little surprising to me that I disliked it when I actually received it, because I shipped it pretty attentively in season 2, at the height of my interest in the show. My main issue with it was that by the time it happened, the show had pretty much convinced me that anyone other than Elena would always be #2 in Stefan’s eyes-- from what I’ve seen of the finale, it seems like the show went out of their way to reinforce Stelena again at the end, even though Stefan had married Caroline by that time. I suppose I just think what we actually got really sucked for Caroline, and it makes me sad for her. 

Elijah x Katherine-- Loved the idea that they would find a way to be together-- and even that Elijah would overlook how cruel Katherine had become (not that he should be throwing stones, or, in Elijah’s case, pebbles). HATED how quickly he left her to pursue the plot of the Originals-- I was NEVER given a satisfactory excuse for that-- the idea that they would still burn for each other 500 years later, that they would finally have a chance to be together, and what? Elijah discovers Katherine is in fact Katherine, the monster he and his brother made, so he ditches out? LAME. ALSO the fact that he didn’t come to her bedside AS SHE LAY DYING in 500 Years of Solitude?????? UNACCEPTABLE. This was WASTED. (But also. Because of this ship. I had to hear with my own ears “the sweet peasant girl you fell in love with way back when is dead”. UMM. EXCUSE ME. Nothing about the flashbacks imply Katerina was a peasant? Girl obviously had the connections to go to England? I’m so embarrassed for Elena’s wild lack of understanding of any basic history, I curl up and die every time I hear this Godforsaken line.)  

Elijah x Hayley-- OOC! I pretty much hate this ship. Mostly because if Elijah was going to pull what he did with Katherine, he ought to have been wrecked by it, not forgetting about Queen Kat and falling for random mean teenager Hayley. Maybe if it had been introduced later in The Originals, but it was like whiplash for me as a viewer and it set me against it right away 

Bonnie x Enzo-- look, I understand that people are into this ship and say it’s really well done, and I can admit that I haven’t really seen enough of the later seasons to judge fairly, but my gut feeling to encountering this has always been wtf? I just have a lot of trouble grappling with the idea of Bonnie with a vampire. The thing about Bonnie is that she’s consistently just about the only one with their head on straight. She knows vampires are THE WORST. and also, does no one remember that time that Enzo murdered Stefan? I DO. I SURE DO. I can just about buy the idea that over time Damon would get under her skin enough that I could see Damon x Bonnie, but this thing with Enzo strikes me as bizarrely out of character for her. Girl is too smart for this!! 

Anything pertaining to Silas/Amara/Quetsiyah-- kill it with fire 

OH and anything pertaining to Caroline x Alaric please smother it with a pillow-- I know a lot of people are into teacher x student as a kink and that Caroline had grown up by then, but teacher x student has and at this point probably always will squick me to no end and I hate the way that this ship brings Alaric’s character down, because Alaric is just so wonderful and has gone through so much grief, he should just get to not have this storyline tainting him