#this show is truly so dumb
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twistsandtwizzles · 1 year ago
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Stars on Mars: Episode 3
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Welcome back to the Red Planet, AKA Australia somewhere. I am assuming if you’re reading this you do not need me to write a recap of the recap that Shatner gives us of what has happened so far, so I’ll just dive into the morning of “Sol Day 5.”
We open on Ariel and Adam washing dishes. Adam asks how Ariel slept. She reports that Porsha was hallucinating about a dog being in their room in the middle of the night.
“We’ve been here in the hab for awhile,” Adam says to the camera, explaining that some people are getting cabin fever. “Is this place driving me crazy? Yeah, of course. The only good thing is that I was crazy before I got here.”
Back in the kitchen, Porsha is explaining her dog-related hallucination to the crew in great detail. She is swearing that one of the girls in the bunk room must have barked, they insist that no one did. “I’m losing my damn mind,” Porsha says.
Ronda facetimes her adorable child, and wipes away tears after hanging up. Richard is also struggling a bit, and misses his family and kids. He says he hadn’t heard of space madness before but he thinks he might be experiencing it. And I sympathize with being homesick but . . . these people do realize that they are not actually in space, right?
Lady Hab Voice alerts the crew about a new arrival: a robot dog! Most of the cast react to this arrival by screaming and running away and frankly I cannot blame them; the”dog” is four spindly robot legs with a cell phone screen for a face and it makes weird clicking noises when it walks.
Porsha gamely names it “Maresha, ‘cause we’re on Mars” and then immediately gives a talking head about how the dog was aggressive and chased her around. “I didn’t like that dog,” she says, as the footage shows her hiding behind Adam. “I’ve got you,” Adam says, laughing.
The robot dog clunks over to Tinashe who tells it to sit. It does. Tinashe grins and gives it a pat. Lady Hab Voice assigns Lance and Tinasha to go walk the dog which apparently they have to do outside?? It’s a robot?? Whatever. They put on their suits and try to get it to play fetch (which it doesn’t do), and they make small talk about who the next Base Commander will be. Lance says he’s not interested because he "likes to go outside" and that he thinks "it’s lame to sit there and read directions.”
Tinashe tells Lance she thinks she would be a pretty strong option for Base Commander; Lance says he agrees. Tinashe gives a talking head about how she thinks people underestimate her but she knows that she’s strong and could do the job. For those playing Reality TV Bingo at home, she also gives us a, “I’m a competitive person, and I didn’t come here for any reason but to win.” It’s not exactly “I’m not here to make friends” but it’s pretty darn close!
Tinashe promises Lance that if she’s Base Commander she’ll do everything she can to make sure he stays on the show. Sorry, "in the experiment." He promises her the same.
Back inside, Schwartz sits with Natasha and Adam and asks if either of them have a phobia about people making loud noises when they eat. “No,” Adam says, then asks the question everyone's thinking: “But what are you about to do?”
Schwartz holds up a piece of celery, dips it in something, and starts chewing. “Oh my god,” Adam says. “Is that just tabasco sauce?”
“Yeah,” Schwartz replies. “It’s hot.”
“Uh, yeah,” Adam says, looking appalled. “Is your ass going to be okay?”
“Yeah,” Schwartz says again, unruffled. I’m not really sure if he’s all that bright.
Tinashe and Lance return to the hab, seemingly without the dog?? Did they just leave it outside?? Lance gives a talking head where he puts his money on Tinashe making it to the end of the show: “She’s highly competitive, ambitious, and she’s very likable,” he says.
Meanwhile Tinashe has found Adam. “I want to know what your thoughts are,” she tells him, and they squirrel away for a private conversation.
“What are you thinking?” he asks her, once they are situated on the couch. Tinashe explains that the biggest problems with their missions have involved communication, and that while she thinks she has the knowledge and the leadership to be Base Commander she also feels like she struggles to get people to actually listen to her. Adam agrees with all of this, telling the camera that he thinks Tinashe would be great but is too soft spoken, and that he thinks that Ariel would actually have a voice that could cut through the chaos.
He goes to find the redhead. “You need to be the base commander on the next mission,” he tells her, point blank. “You need to step up.” 
“Okay,” Ariel replies immediately, slightly taken aback. I feel like this moment is a small taste of what having Adam as your figure skating coach would be like. 
“I’m going to be your campaign manager,” he tells Ariel, who laughs a little nervously. But you can tell she likes the idea. She gives a talking head about declining being Base Commander on Day 1 because she was scared, and says she needs to have confidence in herself.
We get a shot of the robot dog wandering around outside alone as the crew is informed it’s time to pick a new Base Commander. Tinashe throws her hat in the ring; Adam says that he wants to be base commander one day but he thinks that Ariel should have the job this time around. The group votes via secret ballot; Tinashe wins and is our new Base Commander. She’s thrilled. Ariel is a little disappointed.
After all of Marshawn’s posturing in episodes one and two about not wanting to leave the Base Commander suite, literally all Tinashe has to do is ask him to move out and he does. However the rest of the cast is amazed and impressed: “Tinashe is not fucking around!” Adam says in delight. 
After commercials, we return to footage of the robot dog pooping nuts and bolts. I wish I was kidding.
Inside, Tinashe assigns daily duties. Clean up crew: Schwartz, Ariel, and Adam. (Adam: “Yes!”) Biodome vegetable duties: Ronda and Natasha. Running the daily workout: Marshawn and Richard. 
Lady Hab Voice alerts the crew that “lower gravity on Mars can cause muscle waste” and so they must exercise. The way this show haphazardly decides what things are like space and which things aren’t makes my head hurt.
We see a short montage of Ronda, Marshawn, Richard, and Adam easily blowing through their ab series (bicycle crunches and planks) while Natasha struggles next to them. Her VO tells us that working out next to Olympians and pro athletes is pretty intimidating. 
Richard gives a talking head about how much he enjoyed running the workout, and also how much he’s enjoying spending time with Ronda and Marshawn.
Schwartz enters the workout room and attempts to do the agility drill that Marshawn and Richard have set up. Lance and Ronda heckle, but Richard takes pity on him and coaches Schwartz through the drill. I think Richard seems like a sweet dude.
Schwartz notes that Richard/Marshawn/Ronda have clearly formed an alliance. He also says he’s tired of being in the bottom three and is determined to step it up.
Elsewhere Adam is wiping down the hab. “God, I love cleaning so much,” he says, and he is not being sarcastic in any way, shape, or form. Truly do not relate.
Natasha and Ronda are in the biolab as Lady Hab Voice talks about how important fresh food is to health and morale on Mars. Ronda talks a lot about how much she loves working in the biodome and that it is keeping her sane, and I don’t want to spoil anything about where the site of the crisis might be in the back half of this episode, but you’ve watched tv before, yes? 
The crew heads to bed (we get a quick shot of Adam’s evening skincare routine, don’t worry everyone he’s still moisturizing on Mars) and then, of course . . . disaster! A spark in the biodome starts a fire! Alarms blare, and Tinashe starts waking everyone up. “You guys aren’t moving fast enough, there’s a fire!!” she says as Lance strolls slowly behind her, sipping on a canned beverage. 
“Evacuate!” Tinashe yells, as Lady Hab Voice says, “Explosion is imminent.” The group puts on their space suits and head outside - Tinashe sprinting for her life, others moving more slowly. As soon as the last one of them is out of the hab, something explodes and everyone screams.
Back from the commercial, Adam is trying to be serious but is actually laughing; Ronda and Schwartz look legitimately horrified. “It better not be the plants,” Ronda says. She has definitely watched television before.
The fire has been magically put out in .5 seconds, so they are all allowed to go back in the hab pretty much right away. Once inside the group is instructed to go to bed and await further instructions in the morning. 
Richard says he’s over this experiment: “I have had enough.”
Morning comes bright and early, with a message from Shatner. There has indeed been an explosion in the biodome, and they need to repair the structure and replant their crops “before it’s too late.” I have to say these arbitrary time restrictions make me laugh.
The mission in a nutshell: use some duct tape to repair the hole the “explosion” made on the outside of the dome, and then replant all the crops. Tinashe picks Ariel as her mission specialist because “she likes to boss people around,” but also because Tinashe is a smart cookie and knows that is a surefire way to win Ariel over.
Also, I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there has been no sign of the robot dog since the explosion. Did they blow that thing up?? Is there really no one in that hab curious about where their emotional support robot went?
Anyway, Ariel and Tinashe send Porsha, Marshawn, Richard, and Lance outside to repair the hole in the dome. This, much like the initial satellite mission, is lacking in any kind of drama. It’s not a very exciting job, to be fair - Marshawn and Richard are literally just required to hold ladders while Porsha and Lance tape up the dome.
Once the dome is fixed, everyone else is able to go into the biodome, where all the plants have been (fake) burned to a crisp. Schwartz, Adam, Ronda, and Natasha are tasked with cleaning out all the destroyed veggies and then transferring “94 cups of human biowaste” from the septic tank to the planter boxes so that they can replant. Everyone is rightfully disgusted by the solution in the septic tank that is basically muddy water with some cut-up hot dogs and corn floating in it that has also been scented to smell like an outhouse. Fun!
“I was expecting it to be a bit more solid,” Adam says when he gets a look at it. 
If you have read Adam’s book, which ends with a long poop anecdote, you will not be surprised that he is absolutely unphased by this challenge. He totally rocks it, only stopping at one point to say, “Oh god, I am splashing diarrhea on myself.” Which yes, this fake poop is gross, but also, Adam, your hazmat suit is partially unzipped and you didn’t put on gloves so who exactly are we kidding here.
Meanwhile, Natasha has started to gag, and can’t stop. She has to remove herself from the room, only returning when Adam has spread the faux-poop water into all the planter boxes by himself. The group completes the mission with 23 seconds to spare, and everyone celebrates.
Now, of course, it’s time to figure out who goes home. The crew gets sent outside while Ariel and Tinashe discuss who is mission critical and who is not. 
Ariel notes that Adam was “not afraid of anything” today. “Not only was he unafraid,” Tinashe agrees, “But he had a great attitude, he made it feel a little more lighthearted.” Go Adam!
Tinashe continues that Richard and Marshawn felt the most unessential. This is true, but to be fair to them both, they were literally assigned to stand in place and hold a ladder and that’s it. They did what they were told! This is basically what Marshawn says in his talking head.
The crew gets called inside, one by one, to get their patches. When Adam enters Ariel gets down on one knee and asks, Bachelorette-style, “Will you accept this patch?” Adam says, “I will!” and it’s cute.
Eventually it’s Schwartz, Natasha, Richard, and Marshawn left upstairs. Schwartz is relieved when he gets called inside and doesn’t have to be in the bottom three again. “I think I’m a future dark horse,” he says. I am not so convinced but I wish him the best of luck.
The crew huddles to decide who goes home. Ronda is brutally honest: she does not want to send home Richard or Marshawn. “I’d send any of you home first,” she tells them.
Natasha, Marshawn, and Richard are asked to make their case why they should stay. Natasha says that she doesn’t eat much so she’s really not a drain on the rations, and she thinks she can still contribute in new ways. Adam advocates for Nastasha down in the hab, which is nice of him considering she literally ran away gagging and made him fertilize potting soil with fake diarrhea all by himself.
Ariel says that Marshawn has consistently done the least, and Tinashe echoes this. Ronda says that Marshawn and Richard are a duo, and if one of them goes the other is likely close behind. “And then I’m going to be close behind,” she says.
But then - twist. Richard basically quits, saying, “You have a strong team with Natasha and Marshawn. I think I’ve already done my part.”
You can tell how popular Richard is, though, because even though he is quite literally asking to be kicked off, the group immediately starts trying to think of ways to keep him there. “Maybe if we can boost his morale,” Porsha says desperately. But it’s pretty obvious that you don’t keep a guy around who actively no longer wants to be there.
So Richard goes home. “I’m so mad at you,” Ronda tells him. Richard says that he feels like he set out what he wanted to accomplish, and that he’s excited to get home and see his kids.
Tinashe’s final talking head of the night says that after the elimination, things in the hab were tense. “Maybe this is becoming more of a social game,” she says, “which is a wakeup call.”
Ariel, Porsha, and Tinashe huddle in a hallway. Ariel says that she’s surprised this has become this kind of game, and that she thought it was supposed to be about the mission.
“I just didn’t know alliances were forming that hard,” Tinashe says. 
“Well, we should be careful,” Ariel replies. “Or we’ll be next.”
And with that, we’re out.
Next week: lots of running, "oxygen depletion", and Ronda behind the comms screaming that someone is going to die (I’m going to guess probably no one is actually in mortal peril). Also Marshawn with a blow torch!
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emma-d-klutz · 11 months ago
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I wish Batman would fuck with the Joker more. I know he can't. Scratch, I know an important piece of their core dynamic is that he is above it, which opens the way to great contrasts when other characters (ie icon Terry Bats) do. But come on, it would be so easy. It would be free.
During a teamup in Gotham, Bats could dreamily remark that he likes Superman because he makes him laugh. What options does the clownfucker have now? Try to jealously kill fucking Superman or simply dive backwards into the Hudson River. The whole thing would take ten seconds of work, and I don't think there'd be collateral damage. Superman's already there.
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blakbonnet · 8 months ago
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always surprised to see people who are fans of a show - that specifically preaches kindness and fighting for your love for things despite the haters and skinning racists with snail forks - be the kind of "fans" who are the exact antithesis of that like truly what are you slipping in your morning cappuccino babes
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stuckinapril · 9 months ago
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my gma told me that my mom used to wake up, eat breakfast, then study for 12 hours straight. every fuckin day. and my gpa would bring her food and tell her to take breaks bc of how immersed she was. she’s literally my role model forever
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britneyshakespeare · 2 months ago
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people who like the beatles are allowed to talk a little shit now and again about the beatles. people who don't know anything about their music and say "i hate the beatles" bc they think the coda in hey jude is too long, aren't. hope this helps
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starheirxero · 1 year ago
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I FANT FUCKONF BREATHE YALL LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME SO CLOSE RN
ITS ONE WORD.!!!!! HE CALLED SF A PISSANT NOT A PISS ANTATSYAUGAUAHSLSM
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hella1975 · 5 months ago
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i cannot stand the aot fandom this is not a new take at all they are universally intolerable but oh my dayssss u are FORBIDDEN from making ANY take about the show it's actually insane to watch. 'aot is perfect' no show is perfect. 'tell me you didnt get the show 😂🫵' people have different opinions/interpretations about things. 'eren is a good guy they could never make me hate him' i think there's actually 4 seasons and two movies explicitely using him as a tool to show that no one is 'good' or 'evil' they are only trying to survive. hello. the fandom r all so far up aot's ass that they actually discredit its writing in the process and it would be laughable if it wasn't so frustrating
#bc aot IS insanely well written but no one talks about it???#like all they do is SAY how well written it is but no one is brave enough to give examples or meta bc SOMEONE will jump on it#declaring they've misinterpreted the Single Correct Way of watching the show and are dumb and a hater for saying such a thing#i remember posting about my initial aot watch on here and i did NOT like eren i thought he was whiney and annoying (he is <3)#and i thought aot was overhyped but ive since finished it at long last and omg. it is so fucking good#one of those shows that you need to watch ALL of it to truly get what's going on#and the conclusion of eren's character i am genuinely so obsessed with ill probs make a separate post just about him#bc i have really 180'd on eren and i can see now he IS well written. but not for any reason i can see anyone else talking about???#people are just banging on about he was right and justified and a saviour and tragic etc etc and while those things are important#and should be considered that also like. was not the point imo#the irony and tragedy of eren jaeger was that after all the 'i am special simply bc i was born into this world'#concluded with the revelation that actually he was not special. the rumbling happened because a normal boy got a hold of a great power#and he mishandled it. he was immature. he acted his age. he was just some teenage boy and he responded in kind#there was selfishness and silly whims and a quick temper. he was never this godlike figure he gets painted as#and i ADORE THAT TAKE. THAT IS SUCH AN ICE COLD CONCLUSION. EREN WAS NEVER SPECIAL - THAT'S THE POINT#and like countless times through history one selfish person with their hands on an insane amount of power and a conviction#that they are doing the right thing goes on to lead to a continuation of the cycle of war#like the end credits with the tree is genuinely HAUNTING. it never ended. eren KNEW the rumbling would be unnsuccessful#and would leave enough of their enemies alive that they'd eventually retaliate HE KNEW THAT and did it anyway#why? bc he just /wanted/ it. desperately and immaturely. and so the war turned over for another generation and another and#LIKE THAT IS SUCH A POIGNANT HAUNTING TAKE. I FR STARED AT THE BLACK SCREEN ONCE I FINISHED IT FOR 5 MINS IN HORRIFIED SILENCE#yes it's not his sole motivation but ultimately the crux of his character boils down to the fact he's just some kid#to the point even when he's explaining it to armin at the very end they SHOW HIM AS A KID. THAT IS THE REAL EREN#THAT ANGRY SCRAPPY CHILD WHO THOUGHT HE COULD BEAT THE WORLD INTO SUBMISSION#NOT A HERO NOT A GOD NOT A DEVIL - JUST A KID GIVEN A POWER HE NEVER SHOULD HAVE GOT HIS HANDS ON#but if u say all that some chucklefuck tells u to kys and that u just Didnt Get The Masterpiece Of Attack On Titan#but do u know what? maybe people disagree w me! maybe this is just my interpretation! guess who's NOT gonna have a hissy fit about it?#fandom is about DISCUSSION and i have never seen a fandom as fucking allergic to it than the aot fandom#like omdddddddddd have a day off man isayama isnt gonna suck you off#aot
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essektheylyss · 1 year ago
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I wrote a whole FIVE HUNDRED WORDS. This is a miracle. Maybe tomorrow I will finally write the last fucking scene in this section so I can move the fuck on.
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fredoesque · 3 months ago
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want you all to know there is a funhouse mirror version of my crozier dies fic in my mind which goes like. noir au. little is the overworked, constantly stressed pi trying to solve the mystery of francis crozier's untimely death, a man he himself had an unresolved past with. jopson is crozier's much younger, very guarded widower who everyone suspects but who is actually innocent and genuinely loved crozier. and most importantly prominent secondary character billy gibson is jopson's best friend who is one hundred percent convinved jopson did it and one hundred percent supports his decision to off his husband. again something jopson did not in fact do
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kurikurimatsu · 2 years ago
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i truly can never get over how much i love the expressions in this show. i love how wacky they get with em and how much they exaggerate the characters, or how even with simpler expressions theyre able to convey so much emotion. like look at these
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i adore these and how amazingly the rage, confusion, despair, fear, and laughter gets across
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skywalker-swift · 5 months ago
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my 'smart' friend was making fun of so high school over the weekend because of the aristotle line (because she thinks taylor needs someone who knows aristotle and thinks this relationship is PR) ((she does not know enough about popular media to know when something is a PR relationship)), and i just want her to realize that everyone who doesn't know the depths of philosophical debate is smart in a different way
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kashisbby · 4 months ago
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I can’t wait for the days when hating on demon slayer is no longer popular… cause y’all come up with the dumbest, I repeat— DUMBEST!! Reasons not to like the show.
I just seen a bitch say she don’t like Tanjiro because he cried after coming home to find his entire family dead… like ok… let’s kill your entire family and I bet not see a fucking tear in your eyes, I bet not hear one fuckign sniffle you dumb cunt.
then it’s always ‘it relies too much on its animation, it doesn’t have a storyline’ like please choke on a fucking dick, die and go straight to hell.
Because the same way it’s popular to hate on demon slayer, it’s popular to love that other anime (I won’t say the name but y’all know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about) despite there literally being no plot, no nothing.
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i also find it very funny how people think laura actually cared about james at all when his name is only mentioned 4 times in the secret diary and they all occur in the same paragraph in which she's mentioning lying to dr. jacoby *scratches head* ... meanwhile here's just a few of the times she mentions bobby
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like idk you tell me who she was actually in love with
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creepyscritches · 9 months ago
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While she was cutting my hair I kept like 👁️👁️ analyzing my stylist's sweater trying to reverse engineer that thang mentally and I think I might have 80% of this crochet sweater pattern mentally pirated
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scarletanpan · 10 months ago
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Fully watched a 5 hr video recapping the velma show in great detail bc all the other vids went into just how cringe the first few episodes was and didn't think I'd come out with an appreciation for autistic-coded Fred in the older shows. I remember watching them as a kid and thinking how funny it was that he seemed clueless but then would get so excited when very specific things came up that he would have extensive knowledge abt and it would always help the case. And he would infodump sometimes and everyone would just stare at him for being a nerd. Intentional or not I love it
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thewinchestah · 7 months ago
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I kinda stayed gone’d myself at the show jumping ring today not gonna lie.
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