#this really is the stupidest timeline
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mayra-quijotescx · 3 months ago
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K*m*l* on IG like 'this election is going to be close' AND WHOSE FUCKING FAULT IS THAT??? This can and should be an absolute walk, your opponents are an incompetent chickenhawk sleazebag with a cartoonishly disastrous first term legacy and his evil pet couchfucker, you could have turned this into the landslide it always should have been at any point if not for your foot-shootingly baffling need to belittle and dismiss anyone who asks you to commit to not feeding all our fucking tax money directly into the war crimes machine. Is AIP*C threatening to leak your nudes or something? Stop expecting everyone to just fall in line behind you and get it the fuck together before we all end up doomed to irreversible climate apocalypse because you couldn't even campaign-promise to slow the multibillion-dollar mass murder roll
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infamousbrad · 2 years ago
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2023 me, to me seven years ago: Hey, check this out, it's the first sentence from a news story today on Vox: "The top song on iTunes' chart dot net today is 'Boycott Target' by MAGA rapper Forgiata Blow feat. Nick Natole (sp?) and Stoney Dudebro."
2016 me: MAGA rapper. That's a thing that exists in 2023?
2023 me: Yes. More than one.
2016 me: Shut the front door. No, seriously? And one of them raps under the stage name "Stoney Dudebro"?
2023 me: Apparently. And his two hit songs are called "I Hate Bud Lite ..."
2016 me: Who doesn't?
2023 me: ... and "Boycott Target." Because of corporate Pride and trans-inclusive swimwear.
2016 me: Shut the front door. Seriously? Is it pellagra? Is there another pellagra epidemic?
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bogkeep · 3 months ago
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bluesky not having private accs VS twitter letting blocked accounts read your tweets: FIGHT
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dolokhoded · 1 year ago
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what's the buzz, tell me what's a-happening ???
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seungminnnie · 30 days ago
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#okay rant time about the stupidest shit in the world aka stay twitter discourse rn#so chan puts out the railway mv. very fun very hot we all love it. and that's where things should end. but noooooooo stays are incapable#of letting a good thing lie. so what do they do? start a fanwar with engenes#so many posts like 'THIS is how you do a vampire concept' 'he's ACTUALLY leaning into the vampire concept' 'finally a GOOD vampire concept'#which is just like. clearly shading enhypen bc their whole deal is vampires#so then engenes (understandably but annoyingly) snipe back like#'now EVERYBODY wants to be a vampire' 'it's just gore how unoriginal' etc etc#so then stays go back and purposefully misunderstand and are like 'enhypen didn't invent the vampire concept idiots lots of people have#done vampire concepts before' which is like. duh. not what they're saying#but it's all so stupid bc stays were being deliberately inflammatory about enhypen#saying one mv is a better rep of vampires than like. enhypen's whole deal#which is vampire themes in almost every mv. a whole webtoon and dedicated album. multiple short films and concept videos#WHICH ARE ALL REALLY WELL DONE!!#like why can't people just appreciate they're both good and different. why can't we be like "oh fun they both did vampires!'#especially cause they're friends! jeongin and heeseung are friends! jake is chanlix's adopted aussie son! niki looks up to hyunjin so much!#but nooooo we have to be petty and have a dick measuring contest about who's been doing vampire stuff longer which is completely irrelevant#to what the actual discourse started was anyways#all this to say it's been very annoying bc it's been my whole twitter timeline for the past three days#and i just want to see appreciation for chan's mv and clips of heeseung being hot at their concert last night. is that too much to ask??#staygenes are god's strongest soldiers rn#just deliberate misinterpretations from both sides and stays starting shit again. like always#which is way every other fandom hates stays so bad#UGHHHHHH i just want to have fun but every single post on twitter is about this and i want to tear my hair out#anyways this is a very long rant about a very stupid thing but it's been annoying me so#here we are#wow i haven't done a rant post in a while. and over something so truly stupid too#hopefully by typing this out the annoyance will be released from my body#lol#k speaks
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mememan93 · 2 years ago
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footage of me scrolling though the skyward sword tag rn
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cutebunnys50 · 3 months ago
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In the end, it's about having enough love to keep going even when everything constantly challenges it and tests your patience.
...alright! I think I can draw/write again.
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chuluoyi · 1 year ago
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I'm thinking about Megumi's sister, who went to magic school with him. who was trained by Gojo. who fell in love with Gojo. who dared to confess her feelings to him. and which Satoru rejected, saying that he was too old for her
it doesn't have to be something obscene… so if you like this idea, then please write something!
belong with me
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- gojo satoru x reader
the strongest sorcerer is your savior. you know he is far from your reach... but is it so wrong to love him—after the years you spent by his side?
genre/warnings: angst to fluff, a bit slow burn, age gap, one-sided pining, mentions of injury, comfort, teacher!gojo x student!reader
notes: omg omg i actually really like this idea!! i had wanted to write this since you sent this ask but i was struggling with the setting, so i tweaked minor things so that it’ll fit the canon timeline—reader is megumi’s cousin rather than sister.
and *sigh* it somehow turned out into a 4k+ word🤧
general masterlist
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What is Gojo Satoru to you?
If asked that, Megumi would definitely say that he owed both of your lives and his sister’s to him. Following the chaos too complicated for you to understand that left the three of you orphaned at the age of six, Gojo Satoru, who were just barely an adult himself then, was the one who stepped in to take all of you in.
But to you, he was more than just that. He was many things. Your savior, mentor, friend, and... you daresay, first love.
And because of that, you would never thought that there’d come a time when your heart was really broken by him.
At first, Gojo Satoru felt like a big brother to you. Megumi was suspicious of him since the very beginning—his skepticism was funny sometimes—but you and Tsumiki weren’t as much.
He easily became your friend. You would laugh for hours to end after he cracked the stupidest or lamest of jokes. He made the fact that curses exist and that you were somehow able to keep them at bay more bearable.
And when Tsumiki fell into her curse… Gojo was there to bring you comfort.
“Why isn’t she waking up?” Your hands were shaking as you frantically poked and nudged your kind cousin from her peaceful slumber at the hospital bed. The smell was suffocating—the sight was unbearable. Tsumiki was supposed to be bouncing up and keeping both you and Megumi at bay, not lifelessly lying here like this.
Facing Gojo, who had a tight-lipped expression beside you, you pleaded, "Gojo-sensei—" your glassy eyes welled up, voice choked with tears, "—make her wake up, please..."
And that was the first time he broke your heart. Even the strongest couldn’t lift this cruel curse posed upon your kind sister.
Your throat tightened, choked with painful whimpers as tears flowed uncontrollably. Sudden grief overwhelmed you, making you sway and shake like a leaf. At first, you didn’t notice how a pair of warm hands enveloped you, drawing you close for comfort.
Gojo allowed you to cry against him while you pounded on his chest. Not a word came out of his lips, a telltale sign that he was taking the situation seriously—something you, above anyone else, understood well.
From then on—ever since the tragedy that befell Tsumiki, it seemed like Gojo became even more protective of you but stricter with Megumi. The two of you eventually pursued the path of jujutsu, driven by one wishful thinking in mind—the possibility to break Tsumiki’s curse.
Encountering Gojo became a daily routine when you lived at the dormitory as a first year at Jujutsu High. He frequently dropped by just to greet you, or give you some things he got from his missions.
"Here," Gojo handed you the package of a popular kikufuku store. With that blindfold on and a shit-eating grin split his face, he actually looked so ridiculous. "I got you all their available flavors! Trust me, you'll like them!"
Against your own will, you felt rosy blush spreading across your cheeks. "Oh, thank you... I'll give some to Megumi as well, he's been working hard lately..."
"Ehh?" he pursed his lips. "No, no, no—they're for you! Don't give them to that emo kid!"
There was absolutely nothing significant about how he worded it. You were well aware of that—only a fool wouldn't be.
So why are you so giddy? Hah, why do you feel like you're... special?
"Don't call him emo," you chided, trying to suppress your smile.
"But he is! He's always grouchy with me without reason!"
Throughout your childhood, and now as you were entering adulthood yourself, Gojo's presence in your life still felt like a comforting, warm blanket—a dependable presence you could rely on, someone you could trust completely.
And apparently, someone you had unwittingly given your heart to.
It was a gradual process. You didn't fall for him at first sight or anything of the sort—it took years of being under his protection. Even as you watched him pursue one girl after another from the sidelines, you couldn't deny it—your heart was already his since then.
He always knew what to say, how to cheer you up.
"What's got you so down, huh?" Gojo asked, tousling your hair gently as you slouched. "Is it because of earlier? Don't be so down, you're doing great."
You fidgeted with your fingers, feeling the sting of failure twisting your gut. "I held everyone back, sensei. That's not great at all."
In the last mission, you nearly put Yuji and Nobara's lives in danger. You had taken the initiative to step into the cursed room, and had it not been for Megumi who came to your rescue, any one of you could have sustained significantly more severe injuries.
Gojo offered you a lopsided smile. "You couldn't have known that. Don't beat yourself up so much. The most important thing is that all of you are safe."
"But we might not, all because of my daring ass."
"Look."
He squatted to meet your eye level, and it dawned on you that he wasn't wearing that blindfold. "The fact is that everyone is good. And no, even if Megumi wasn't there, you wouldn't have been doomed. I would have been there, I always have, yeah?"
He was truly a sight, with that sparkling eyes even more so when he smiled unabashedly, voice not as playful as his tone usually was.
"That doesn't make me feel better," you replied, forcing out the words even as you were somewhat awestruck. "It doesn't change the fact that I'm inadequate."
"You're a first year," Gojo pointed out. "Everyone is bound to make mistakes. You just have to learn from them."
"In our line of work, those mistakes can cost us lives." You chewed your lip, looking down. "I—I don't want to be responsible for someone's death."
Your words left Gojo momentarily speechless. His blue eyes blinked several times as though he was taken aback, and you felt even more small—you had just revealed your deepest fear to him.
But suddenly, he laughed right in your face, prompting you to shoot him a glare. Just as you were about to retort, he rested his palm on your head.
"Do you seriously think I will allow that to happen?" Gojo queried with a wide grin and snarky tone. "To you, out of everyone else?"
You gazed at him in a daze, feeling self-conscious with his warm hand on your head. He'd likely done this a hundred times already, but you could never get past the sensation of his gentle touch on your skin. You yearned for more—for him to cradle your face, to caress you, to draw you closer—
“The obvious answer is, I won't,” he declared so surely, exuding unwavering confidence. You blinked, marveling at how his words made your heart soar and your breath catch. “So stop thinking about scary things. I'm here, remember?”
How was there a person who was such a perfect blend of the man of your dreams—smug, but also funny, caring and strong, like Gojo Satoru was?
Was it a sin to harbor these feelings for him? He has always been kind to you, and if you daresay it, fond of you as well. Is there a possibility—
Really, you should have known your boundaries.
"I think..."
And yet your heart screamed, for whatever it's worth—
"...I love you..."
Why couldn't you see that this was doomed right from the start?
"—Gojo-sensei."
You were breathless. Your wildly thumping heart drowned out almost everything else. Your hands were sweaty, and you braved yourself to meet his eyes.
And when you did, you knew heartbreak for the second time—
The way his smile faltered a bit, yet he forced it upwards, perhaps to spare your feelings.
Just as he always has. Ever since he rescued you back then, he would do these silly things so you would feel better.
"I'm flattered, you know?" Gojo gazed at you genially. "But I think—"
"You don't understand." What am I even insisting? "I... like you so much, Gojo-sensei. All this time."
It was supposed to be your final card. Baring everything to him. How grateful you were that he took you in, the kindness he showed you, Megumi and Tsumiki, those sleepless nights after Tsumiki fell into coma that he spent with you, sharing shaved ice on the hottest, cruelest summer...
"You're almost half my age," he stated matter-of-factly, and a sinking feeling settled in your stomach. "You're mistaking love for admiration. That's it."
"No! I know how I feel—"
"You should find someone your age," Gojo added while maintaining his smile. "There are good guys out there. Toge is nice—ah, but his cursed technique might be a little troublesome. Yuji is earnest and honest..."
You have never thought that there’d come a time where your heart was really broken by him. But he just did, as he listed all your friends without any regard to your feelings.
Suddenly, a wave of resentment surged within you, prompting you to hiss and cut him off.
"You're always like this," your eyes had started to well up with tears, but you ignored it. His puzzled expression only fueled your frustration.
"I hate how you constantly treat me like a child!"
You felt ashamed, but in hindsight you should've probably expected this. You didn't have anyone else to blame but yourself. You knew it wasn't fair to lay the blame on Gojo like now—he was merely on the receiving end of the brunt of your heartbreak.
You hated this. You hated yourself. And you couldn't help but to hate him too, despite knowing that you shouldn't.
With that, you dashed away, tucking away your first love to the furthermost part of your heart, swearing that you'd never, ever revisit that chapter of your life again.
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Ain't that just the worst thing to hear?
Witnessing your tear-streaked face as you hurried past him left him stunned, rooted in place.
In no way was Gojo Satoru going to romance his own student. You were quite literally his protege and his other protege’s sister. That was simply out of the question. Not that he was the model of propriety, but even he knew that was not right.
And it didn’t have anything to do with the fact whether he did see you as a woman or not, because even if he did, it shouldn’t make a difference.
Right? It won’t change anything.
Because it was how it was supposed to be.
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It was probably one of the forms of tantrum—or whatever it was labeled—in the end, it was simply a reaction to not achieving what you wanted.
For years, Gojo had shielded you and Megumi from the Zen’in clan. They were horrible people, and you were eternally grateful that Gojo went to great lengths for you, always swatting them away before they could get close to either of you.
Now that you thought about it, who they really wanted was Megumi. Your cousin held the quintessential Zen'in talent, while your modest Projection Sorcery wasn't particularly rare among the clan. Still, they sought you as well, merely to bolster their prestige with another member.
Normally, you wouldn't think such things. But you weren't in the best state of mind, muddled by your blind heartbreak. It skewed your mindset to one of the extremes.
And then you got this terrifyingly brilliant idea—what if you turned yourself to them? Surely the Zen’in would be sated for a while and stop bugging Megumi.
And you didn’t have to see Gojo as often too.
This went against everything he had done to ensure your safety. But that was the first thing that entered your mind when Zen’in Naoya accosted you by chance.
"We're family," he stated with a smirk, sending a shiver down your spine, an unsettling feeling washing over you. "We wouldn't harm you. Why waste your time being Gojo's little errand girl, huh?"
This was easier, or at least that was the illusion you attempted to persuade yourself with.
Naoya left with you with a meaningful "Think about it."
And the more you thought about it, the more you leaned towards the scenario you had thought to be unimaginable before—leaving Gojo behind.
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Two months had passed since then, and it was time for the Kyoto Goodwill Exchange event. Gojo remembered this being one of the most exciting moments during his youth, and he sincerely wished that you would have fun too, even with all that had been going on between you.
He knew he was the one who said Yuji would be good. But he wanted to backtrack when he saw him getting punched by Todo. Nah, Yuji was too stupid, he wouldn’t want that for your match. Must be someone else… who was stronger, better.
And then he was even more beside himself when he saw you with Mechamaru.
Like really? That tin soldier? You could definitely have someone more human. He surely didn’t approve of the sight of you getting friendly with that suspicious scrap of metal!
"Hah," he grumbled to himself. Was it just him or were young boys these days simply too subpar?
Yuji is too risky, after all, he is also Sukuna's vessel. Todo... no way, he can crush you with one hand... Panda is a panda...
As if the roster wasn't bad enough, he was met with the most bewildering sight.
Never would have Gojo thought that someway or another, he would see you with that obnoxious Zen'in spawn who called himself the heir.
Before he could grasp his actions, he stomped right into the midst of where the two of you were—
. . .
You were a step away from agreeing to a whole load of new mess, until wind got knocked out of your lungs as you were harshly yanked from behind—
—and the next thing you knew, a broad back was in front of you.
“What do you want?” a low voice, almost foreign to your ears. But this man before you was Gojo Satoru himself, just way sterner than he usually was.
You were caught off guard by his tight grip on your wrist, his dark gaze fixed on the Naoya.
“Ah, don't be like that, please.” Naoya dismissed with a wave of his hand. "I'm just saying that it's been too long already for you to play the benefactor. She ought to be with the family, where she rightfully belongs."
Gojo seemed to grow more imposing, his sneer deepening. "And by family you mean you?"
The atmosphere grew tense as the exchange between them continued, each word laden with underlying tension.
"Hah, Gojo-sama, you really think you're so high and mighty, don't you? I'll have you know that she, and by extension, the Fushiguro boy, are Zen'ins. No matter how—"
Naoya's words seemed to falter as Gojo's presence intensified. There was this thick electricity in the air, and you almost shuddered when he spat, "Leave."
He couldn't possibly murder another great clan's heir, no matter how much he might have been able to. It would incite a strife that would make his eyes hurt. He just had to scare him off.
And he did. Naoya went with his tail tucked behind him, and that was one problem taken care of. Now Gojo just had one other thing to deal with—
"What were you thinking?" he asked, his tone sharp and accusing, before he even properly faced you. "Since when did you start meeting up with him?"
You hadn’t talked to him ever since your botched confession, but with the way it seemed, he was acting quite normal. It irked you.
"That's hardly your business," you retorted with a hiss.
Your responses seemed to grate him. "Oh? What do you mean it's not?"
"He is right, isn't he? I'm a Zen'in. There is no need for you to go out of your way to keep me under your wing. I can always go back to them."
"Are you—" His frustration was evident and it was quite possibly the first time you saw him direct this at you. "You can't go to them—"
"Sure," you mocked, wrenching your wrist away from his grasp. "I'm telling you, I'm not a child, Gojo-sensei. Please stop telling me what should and I should not do."
"That's not what I'm getting at. I've told you how horrible that place is, your place definitely isn't there."
"And? Where should I be?" you huffed challengingly. "Please, don't tell me that it's your cue to say that it's by your side. Because both of us know it's not."
Gojo didn't know what frustrated him more, the fact that you somehow fell into whatever it was that Naoya had whispered to your ear or how bratty you were being right now. Unwittingly, he let his own pettiness slip out, "You know what? You're being quite childish right now."
He convinced himself that, having practically raised you, he was entitled to have a say in major decisions in your life. He wouldn't let the Zen'in take Megumi away, let alone you.
Your face went scarlet with repressed anger. "So be it then."
With that, you stalked away, and just like how you went away from him the first time, Gojo could only stare at you in silence.
How had your relationship with him turned this sour? Was it the wrong thing to not acknowledge your confession before? He sincerely thought you would realize the implications behind your own words and snap out of that ideal version of him you had in mind—because he knew best that he wasn’t made for this.
Girls your age must want a taste of young love. He understood that, but it couldn’t be with him. It had to be someone else.
He resumed his musings earlier before he found you out with Naoya. And he finally came to a conclusion, that Yuta was the best match. Shame he was still away somewhere in Africa.
When Yuta got back, he would introduce him to you. Yuta was strong, kind, and he wouldn’t hurt you. And it would do him good too to have someone who cares about him.
Gojo Satoru never made flawed judgements. He knew this was the best approach, and yet why was there still this stifling feeling in his gut… at the idea of you being with someone—god forbid—who isn't him?
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Not long after, a sinking feeling gnawed at him at the chaotic mess surrounding the Kyoto Goodwill event.
At first Gojo thought it was the standard worry. He chalked it up to all of his students were trapped inside this curtain that specifically forbid him to enter. Naturally, he would worry for his students; after all, he was their teacher.
But when he saw you fell on your knees with what seemed like a stem of cursed flower perched on your chest, he knew it was something else.
You were gasping for breath, clutching your chest in pain while Panda supported your weakened form, and seeing you like that apparently was too much for him. For the first time, Gojo regretted his decision. He shouldn't have pursued the enemy first. He should have gone to you first.
His instinct took over as he swiftly tore you away from Panda’s arms, drawing you close to his chest. His mind went blank, but he forced himself to focus on you, on what was causing you pain. "Y/N, calm down—"
"It hurts—!" you whimpered, digging your nails into his arm tightly, tears streaming down your face. "It hurts so much... I-I..."
For Gojo, this was a form of torture he hadn't realized before. For him, seeing you smile should have been the default, not this sobbing, injured, vulnerable state you were in now.
"I'll take you to Shoko. You'll be fine," he murmured decisively into your ear as you slumped against him. His grip around you tightened, and he repeated, "You'll be fine, I promise."
In the midst of your foggy mind, a realization struck—this was the second time you were ever held in his arms. And much like the first time, you felt an overwhelming sense of security.
Ah, but he had rejected you. You should know your place. You really should because pining on someone who didn't want you wasn't a wise thing to do.
But just this once...
Stupid. You were stupid indeed.
Because you chose to bask in this very short fantasy, fervently wishing that the heavens would grant you this sweet dream of him holding you in his arms like just this for a little longer.
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As Gojo quietly observed you resting after being tended by Shoko, numerous thoughts swirled through his mind.
"I hate how you constantly treat me like a child!"
That was not true. He didn't mean to treat you like a child, because you were indeed not. You were a grown woman now, no longer the crying child consoled by Tsumiki and protected by Megumi as you were back then.
Once, you were this young bud he was meant to nurture into strength, but now despite himself, he saw you more as a woman rather than his protege. He wanted to see you bloom into this pretty girl he had always known you were, always innocent and protected—and a selfish part of himself would add: preferably by himself.
You were so serene. You looked so soft too as you laid there. Gojo thought this wasn't quite right and he couldn't quite get the image of you screaming in pain out of his peripheral thoughts.
Had he truly fallen? This strong urge to protect you, ensure your happiness, see you always smiling—it was as if these emotions were suddenly planted, but immediately establishing themselves like deep-rooted feelings that wouldn't fade away easily.
No, actually... who was he kidding? It was what he had kept to himself for a while now. He just refused to acknowledge these feelings out of the misguided sense of propriety.
It was all he could think of from the moment you passed out until you awakened. He pasted a smile on his face when you opened your eyes to his face.
"Ah, Gojo-sensei..." you mumbled, still disoriented. The way you looked at him was as if you were spooked, to say the least, and it bugged him. "Sorry, how long have I passed out?"
"Just a few hours. Are you okay? Do you still feel the pain?"
"Uh... a bit, but I'm okay..."
Normally, he never seemed to run out of things to talk about with you. This was too obvious. You were uncomfortable with him, and he noticed it.
You also seemed acutely aware of this immensely awkward situation. Having spent the majority of your life with him, you used to be open and at ease around him. But now, it wasn't the same. All because of your reckless confession before.
You spent the first few hours with occasional silence. Eventually, Gojo stepped away for a while, leaving behind a lingering sense of discomfort instilled within you.
You remembered the feeling of being in his arms. Once again, he saved you. The least you could do is to express your gratitude.
I don’t like this. It had been two months already. You had to put an end to this unbearable tension. You couldn't force him to return your feelings—you understood that now. And to make it to the way it used to be, you had to make it clear to Gojo too.
And so when he was back to your room, you braved yourself again. For the second and last time.
"Gojo-sensei," you breathed out, willing your shaky hands at bay. "I'm sorry to make you uncomfortable. Please forget what I said before."
What is this now? Gojo blinked, stopping right in his tracks, somehow hearing how you started with a "sorry" didn't sit well with him.
You continued. "Maybe you are right. I'm grateful for you, I look up to you... for the longest time, I might even have idolized you."
Wait...
"But it isn't love," you said with finality, looking away. "This is me admiring you, for all things you have done for me. And even if it is, I still can't force you to look at me in that way."
Gojo could only gaze at you in silence, a storm raging inside his chest. This was what he had hoped you would realize when you confessed your feelings back then, but now—
"I don't like how... we are now," you gulped. "And it's my fault. So I'm taking it back—"
“No, just—” This wasn’t right. Gojo knows it, but why is he saying this? “Just wait for a minute.”
You started as someone he wanted to protect, along with Megumi and Tsumiki. And then you grew up right in front of his eyes. Someone like you, who had gone through many horrors in life ever since young should have someone dependable and strong who could make you happy.
But then Gojo thought, he didn’t like how others looked at you. Heck, in his eyes, they were inadequate for you, if anything.
“Sensei?” you looked up to him with that doe eyes of yours, and Gojo Satoru felt like this was enough.
To hell with you finding someone your age.
He was strong—the strongest, and if it’s him, he most definitely could protect you far better than anyone.
He could make you laugh—had been for years already, and nothing would stop him now.
He would be damned should you somehow go to the grubby hands of the Zen’in.
“Keep your eyes on me,” his somber voice said then, causing your heart to skip a beat in response.
In short, he was better-suited for you more than anyone else ever could, in every possible aspect.
Apparently he was right. Your place was by his side, after all.
“…because from now, I might start looking at you too.”
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autisticexpression2 · 6 months ago
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This bullshit around Imane Khelif has to be the biggest mass delusion I've seen from the right, and that's really saying something.
Transvestigators are nothing new. People have been calling Michelle Obama a man for years. But it has mostly been a niche thing not even taken seriously by most republicans.
Qanon is unhinged but mostly deals with that which is unknown to the average person, leaving room for speculation, however wild.
But Imane Khelif's gender is a straightforward issue. She is objectively a cis woman. This isn't at all debatable by any sane standard. There is absolutely no reason to believe otherwise. She is a cis woman from a conservative Muslim country where any expression of queerness is illegal. There is no way a transgender or otherwise queer person would be selected to represent Algeria. There are even photographs of her as a little girl if you're still not convinced.
But the right has arbitrarily decided that she's a man based on absolutely nothing, and suddenly, the question of whether or not this WOMAN has a penis, an objective true or false question, has become a culture war issue. So now it doesn't matter what PROOF you bring up. Saying this woman is a woman is woke now, so they have to disagree on principle against all evidence and logic. People who have been screaming about precise biological definitions of gender for years now have decided someone's gender based on vibes alone because irony is fucking dead.
And it's not just a niche view held by the more unhinged online sections of the right. Celebrities like Elon Musk, JK Rowling, and Logan Paul are tweeting it. Politicians are tweeting it. Babylon Bee is publishing "satirical" pieces about how abusing women is now an Olympic sport.
We are living in the absolute stupidest timeline.
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pedrospatch · 1 year ago
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when i’m feeling alone, you remind me of home
Javier Peña x DEA Agent Female Reader
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summary: Spending Christmas in Bogotá, Colombia isn’t ideal. Javier knows you’re missing home a little harder than usual, so he comes up with a plan to cheer you up.
warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. minor deviation from canon timeline (had to make it work), reader is an agent for the DEA, NO AGE SPECIED, NO PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION, reader understands and speaks spanish but no mention of her race or ethnicity, friends to lovers trope, reader celebrates christmas, reader has a good relationship with her family, minor smoking and alcohol consumption (both reader and javi), reader’s a bit rough around the edges sometimes. fluff, soft javi, he’s a bit of a grinch in the beginning though. switches in pov’s and tenses.
*ENGLISH TRANSLATIONS AT THE END.
word count: 2.9k
a/n: thank you to @hellishjoel for inviting me to join in on this fun project!
12 Days of Pedro Masterlist
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Javier Peña doesn’t do Christmas.
He especially doesn’t do Christmas in Bogotá.
He doesn’t see the point even acknowledging it.
There are more important things on his mind.
Capturing Pablo Escobar.
Dismantling the dangerous Medellín Cartel.
Living long enough to tell the fucking tale.
Those were his priorities while in Colombia.
Not decking the halls with boughs of holly.
And yet, there he is, fighting with a string of bright and colorful lights, wishing these damn things would put themselves on the tree. “Puta madre,” Javi curses underneath his breath as he tries untangling them from around his waist. Somehow, he only makes it worse. He grumbles, “This is fucking ridiculous—it shouldn’t be this fucking hard throwing lights on a goddamn fucking tree—” He pauses, spins around to find where he’d gone wrong and then continues grouching to himself. “Can’t believe people do this fucking shit for fun. Stupidest thing I’ve ever—”
Javi manages to free himself and glances down at his watch to see he’s running out of time—it’s past five now, and unless Messina’s in one of those bad fucking moods of hers and decides to dump some last minute paperwork onto your desk, then you’re going to be walking through the front door soon.
He pinches the bridge of his nose, exhaling a deep and frustrated sigh.
He’d been an idiot to decline Connie’s offer to help him when she had dropped off the decorations for him earlier that afternoon.
“You sure you don’t need my help?” she had asked as she handed him the cardboard box overflowing with festive ornaments and tinsel. “I have a couple of more hours before I have to be at the clinic, you know. I can help you set it all up for her, make it all nice and pretty.”
“Thanks, but I’ve got it handled,” he’d replied. “I’m sure it won’t take me too long to put some—is this fucking fruit?” Confused, Javi shifted the box over to his hip, pulling out a string of dried oranges and red cranberries. “Um, what the hell is this for? This supposed to be a snack for me while I decorate?”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s a homemade garland.”
“It’s a homemade what now?”
“Garland, Javier. It goes on the tree.”
Amused, he’d raised an eyebrow at her.
“Fruit going back onto the tree? That’s ironic.”
Sighing, Connie rolled her eyes at him once more.
“Last chance. Do you want my help or not, Javi?”
“I appreciate it, but like I said, I’ve got it handled.”
She’d shrugged. “Alright, suit yourself, then.”
Little did he know how he’d regret his decision. It’s a bigger headache than he thought it would be, an incredible waste of valuable time he could’ve been using to hunt down new leads, do the job he came here to do and find Pablo Escobar. Then again, the more he thinks about it, the more Javi realizes this isn’t a waste of his time at all—not really.
Because he’s doing this for you.
Because he knows you love Christmas.
Because he knows you’ve been feeling homesick.
The season you normally adored was bringing you nothing but heartache this year. There is a void—a hole in your heart that only your family could fill.
“Messina denied my request for time off,” you had told him, taking a drag of his cigarette—you’re not much of a smoker, but he’d learned that tended to change on occasion when you were upset. “Said it isn’t fair to let me go home for Christmas. That I’m not the only one who wants to be with their family. And I get it. I do.” Sighing, you took a second drag and then handed the cigarette back to Javier; he’d put it between his lips, the taste of cherry flavored lip gloss that lingered on the filtered tip prompting a craving stronger than his craving for nicotine. “It was selfish of me to even think of taking time off. I just—I miss spending Christmas in my hometown, you know? Waking up to snow outside my window in the mornings. Building snowmen with my sister, hurling snowballs at my brother. I miss my mother and her cooking. I miss my father and how even at our age, he still insists on pretending to be Santa.”
Laughing, Javier leaned forward on his stool.
You’d asked him to meet you at your usual spot—a quiet lounge bar right around the corner from your apartment. When he walked in and saw the scotch in front of you on the table, he’d known something was wrong. You’re not much of a drinker, either.
“Does he eat the cookies and drink the milk too?”
You nodded, crossing your arms over your chest, a little grin tugging at the corners of your mouth. He tried not to let his gaze longer there too long—he’s just one man. There was only so much strength he could muster to keep fighting the temptation.
“Of course. He takes his role very, very seriously.”
Despite your smile, he’d noticed it right away.
The unmistakable sadness in your eyes.
You were tough as fucking nails.
In this line of work, you had no choice but to be.
But Javier knew your family was your weakness.
His weakness?
His weakness was sitting there in front of him with a crestfallen expression on her pretty face, tracing around the rim of her glass with her finger.
“It’s stupid, isn’t it?” Your voice had thickened, the emotions you’re used to bottling up threatening to boil over.
“Of course not,” he assured you. “There is nothing stupid about wanting to go back home to see your family. There’s nothing stupid about wanting to be with them for the holidays. I promise you that.”
You snorted. “Peña, we’re trying to bring down the most dangerous man in all of South America. Last thing I need to be doing right now is dreaming of a white Christmas. It’s fucking stupid, alright?”
Hesitantly, Javier lifted his hand and placed it over yours—it wasn’t the first time he’d ever held it, not the first time he had shown physical affection, but this was the most vulnerable he had ever seen you and he didn’t want to make things worse. Once he realized it was okay, he brushed the back of it with his thumb softly, soothingly.
“Yo hablaré con Messina, cariño.”
“No hay caso para eso, Javier.”
“Maybe I can convince her to let you go. She’s got me and she’s got Murphy. We’ll handle things here while you head home for a few days, spend a week with your family for Christmas. Doesn’t hurt to try, you know.” Javi squeezed your hand. Knowing just how fucking stubborn you could be, he insisted on it. “Por favor, cielo. Dejame ayudarte con esto. Yo solo quiero verte feliz. Dejame ayudarte.”
You drained the rest of your scotch and swallowed it along with the lump that had climbed it’s way up your throat. Setting the glass back down, you then pulled your hand out from under his and stood up.
“Forget it. I’m here because I have a job to do—we both have a job to do. I’ll get over it, Javier. Always do.”
Before he could say another word, you’d picked up your jacket and purse, making a quick dash for the exit before he could see the stubborn tear slipping out from the corner of your eye and down the side of your face. But he had seen it, and that’s exactly why he knew he had to do something for you.
About an hour later, Javi places a glittering star on top of the white spruce and then takes a couple of steps back, hands on his hips. Cocking his head to the side, he observes the tree and makes sure that he hasn’t left a single spot bare. He decides to add more gold tinsel until he feels oddly satisfied—and once he is, he pulls out his pocket knife, using it to open the small sized box he had brought with him; two different addresses were scribbled on the side of it in your mother’s handwriting, his apartment’s address the destination, her address the return.
“I wrapped it well,” she’d said over the phone. “It’s her most prized possession, so I really hope it gets to you in one piece or she’s going to kill us both.”
Javier slowly unwraps the object inside and feels a wave of complete and utter relief wash over him to see it made it through customs without breaking.
He squints, taking a better look at the ornament.
The little blonde ballerina is made of porcelain and holds a nutcracker soldier in her arms—the skirt of her dress is white lace embroidered with teeny red rosettes that perfectly match the blush painted on her cheeks and the color of the bow in her hair.
“It’s Clara,” your mother had explained to him.
“Who?” he’d asked, stupidly.
“Clara. You know, from The Nutcracker?”
“Oh yeah, that’s right,” he’d fibbed. “Clara. Got it.”
He had no clue what she had been talking about—but if it’s special to you, then it’s special to him.
Carefully, Javi hangs it on tree just as he hears the front door open and then slam shut so hard that it causes the paper thin walls of your unit to rattle.
“Peña!” you shout loudly. “You fucking asshole!”
Lip rolling between his teeth, he stifles a laugh.
You must have seen his Wrangler parked outside.
Grinning, Javier steps out into the hallway to greet you. “Hola, hermosa. Bienvenida a casa.”
“So, let me get this straight,” you say, tossing your purse and unit keys onto a nearby table. “You offer to give me ride to and from work but then proceed to ditch me and leave work three hours early—you leave me with no other fucking choice but to call a cab to bring me home and when he drops me off, I see your fucking car outside of my apartment?”
Rubbing his chin, he hums, “Sounds about right.”
You approach him, your hands curled into fists.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Javier?”
Javi’s quick to hold up his own hands in defense.
He won’t put it past you to knock him out—he and Murphy have seen you bring down men twice your size before without a weapon. Neither of them can decide if it’s hot as hell or downright terrifying.
“Okay, put those away and let me explain,” he tells you, shaking his head. “I’m really sorry I did that to you, but I did it for a reason.”
You scoff, “Well, if that reason was to piss me off, I have some news for you—it fucking worked.”
“That wasn’t the reason. Not this time, anyway.”
Chuckling, Javier extends a hand, holding it out to you.
You peer at it. “What are you doing, Peña?”
“Ven conmigo, cielo. Tengo una sorpresa para ti.”
Suspiciously, you ask him, “What did you do?”
He laughs again. He knew it wouldn’t make it easy for him. “You do know how surprises work, right?”
You lift your chin. “I do and I don’t like surprises.”
“I know you don’t, but I think you’ll like this one.”
Javi continues to hold out his hand and waits.
He’s just as stubborn as you are, if not more.
“We can stand here all fucking night, corazón.”
Sighing in defeat, you place your hand in his, heart skipping a beat when he smiles and laces together your fingers with his own.
“Cierra tus ojos.”
“Javier, I don’t want—”
He quickly cuts you off. “Do you trust me?”
Of course. Hell, you trusted him with your life.
And not just because it’s a job requirement.
Huffing, you do as he says and close your eyes.
“Good.” Javier places his other hand on your waist and his fingers brush against the patch of smooth, soft skin peeking out from between the waistband of your jeans and the hem of your blouse. Ignoring his burning desire to feel more of you, he leads the way into the living room and positions you in front of the tree. Without dropping your hand, he moves to stand directly behind you, chest pressed lightly against your back.“Puedes abrir tus ojos, bonita.”
“Look Peña, I don’t know what you’re up to but—”
Your own startled gasp cuts you off mid sentence.
Squeezing your hand, he leans in, his lips brushing the shell of your ear and you can feel his grin as he whispers, “Sorpresa, preciosa. Tienes un arbol de Navidad. Qué tal te parece?”
You open your mouth to speak, then clamp it shut.
His surprise had left you speechless.
Pleased with himself, Javi nudges you towards the tree and then drops his hands down at his sides as he watches you gingerly touch the needles.
Closing your eyes, you inhale deeply, the delicious, woodsy smell of pine reminding you of your family and how you’d all pile into your father’s old pickup truck and head to the Christmas Tree Farm to find the perfect white spruce to take home. Your father took great care in the picking process—he wanted the tallest, fluffiest, most fragrant tree. “Need this place to smell like the farm!” he’d boom. You smile and can’t help but to think he’d approve of Javi—if not because of what he had done for you, then the choice in tree would be enough to win him over.
“Do you like it?” he asks, softly.
You open your eyes and whirl around. “Javi, I can’t believe you did this,” you say, breathlessly. Smiling brighter than the lights on the Christmas tree, you throw your arms around him. “I love it so much!”
He savors the embrace—and wonders if you know just how perfectly you fit right in his arms.
“There’s one more surprise,” Javier informs you as he spins you around to look at the tree once again. “Do you see it?”
“See what?” Peering at the tree, you frown. “What am I supposed to be looking for—wait a second, is that—is that Clara?” Your hand flies to your mouth and you look up at him in complete shock. “That’s the ornament my grandmother made for me when I was a baby! I’ve had her since my first Christmas. How did you—?”
“Santa no cuenta sus secretos.” Javi grins, pulling you closer against his side. “But if you must know, your mom sent it to me,” he confesses. “Actually, I have to be honest—this whole thing was her idea.”
Perplexed, you ask, “This was my mom’s idea?”
“I know you’ve been having a hard time being here during the holidays instead of with your family,” he says. “I called her up a couple of weeks ago, asked her what I could do for you. We started talking and came up with this.” He shrugs and touches a hand to the back of his neck, sheepishly. “I know it’s not the same as going home. But I thought it might be nice to bring a little piece of home here to you.”
Warmth blossoms inside of your chest as you turn to face him. You place a hand on his chest. “Javi?”
Nervously, his throat bobs. “Yeah?”
“Why did you do this for me?”
Javier lifts his hand and tucks a lock of hair behind your ear. “I told you. I just want to see you happy.”
“But why?”
You know why.
But you need to hear him say it.
You need to hear it from his own mouth.
Javi’s hand moves to cup the side of your face. “Is it not obvious?” he murmurs as he grazes the silky soft skin over your cheekbone. “Tú bien sabes qué yo siento algo por ti, hermosa. Aunque no sientas igual.”
“How do you know I don’t feel the same for you?”
“Do you?” His thumb sweeps your bottom lip. “Do you feel the same for me?”
Your hand curls around his red plaid flannel.
“I shouldn’t,” you admit. “We’re work partners.”
He feigns offense. “Ouch. And here I was, thinking we were friends.” He now takes your chin between his index finger and his thumb. Licking his lips, his eyes meet yours. “Breaking my heart, baby.”
Your breath audibly catches. “We are friends—and it scares me to put our friendship on the line.”
“But?” he prompts as he tilts your head up toward his. His opposite hand finds your hip and pulls you closer to him.
“But when you do things like this—it’s hard for me not to fucking fall in love with you, Peña.” You drag your hand down his chest, your fingers relishing in the softness of his flannel. “It’s so fucking hard for me not to fall in love with somebody who feels like home.”
Javier’s chuckles softly.
“For the record, this wasn’t a ploy to get you to fall in love with me, corazón. But if it worked—” Javier pauses, dropping his hand from your face. “Then I guess it’s worth pulling this thing out.”
He reaches into the back pocket of his jeans.
“Javi, what the hell are you—?”
He grins, holding the mistletoe above your heads.
“Connie said this might come in handy.”
Your eyes flicker to his lips, then meet his gaze.
“Ven aqui, Peña.”
Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pull Javi in and crash your mouth against his. You brush his bottom lip with your tongue and he grants you the access you’re looking for. He tastes like spearmint and scotch, and something else too.
He tastes like yours.
And he feels like home.
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diver credit to @saradika-graphics ❤️
Translations
Yo hablaré con Messina, cariño. - I’ll talk to Messina, darling.
No hay caso para eso, Javier. - There’s no point, Javier.
Dejame ayudarte con esto. Yo solo quiero verte feliz. - Let me help you with this. I just want to see you happy.
Ven conmigo, cielo. Tengo una sorpresa para ti. - Come with me, I have a surprise for you.
Cierra tus ojos. - Close your eyes.
Puedes abrir tus ojos, bonita. - You can open your eyes, pretty girl.
Sorpresa, preciosa. Tienes un arbol de Navidad. Qué tal te parch? - Surprise, precious girl. You have a Christmas tree. What do you think?
Santa no cuenta sus secretos. - Santa doesn’t tell his secrets.
Tú bien sabes qué yo siento algo por ti, hermosa. Aunque no sientes igual. - You know all too well I have feelings for you. Even if you don’t feel the same.
Ven aqui, Peña. - Come here, Peña.
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bella-don-birdy · 7 months ago
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So like hear me out! Danny phantom crossover [prompt 1]
Loki looks at the dark gritty looking city in disgust, then back at his to companions. The peusdo-son of the Man of Iron, Spider-Man. Really ‘Man’ such an overused term by mortals because this is clearly a child. By mortal and definitely Asgardian standards.
The other addition is a smaller child. Newer addition in fact. Loki after his defeat by the Mad Titan was subsequently confirmed in a bubble of time, by a being a lot older then himself, and taken out to help ‘the timeline’ and save multiple realities apparently.
In the time of his unfortunate timelessness capture, the mad titan was killed. Man of Iron died, and his son almost destroyed reality as well to the point that the universe regurgitated him into the infinite realms. Where he was also bubbled shortly after and they were both released with a Child Ghost into a new reality into a depressingly lackluster, ‘cluster fuck’ as Spider-man would say of a city called Gotham.
“Can I have ice cream?” The child looked imploringly at Loki tugging at the edge of his new (illusioned) suit. Eyes watery and lip wobbling.
“Why do you want Ice to Scream?” Loki utterly confused inquired curiously. Maybe an illusion will do?
Peter sensing something stupid was about to happen. Dragged them both the an ice cream shop just down the road.
“Why is it name Ice scream? The stupidest thing I’ve ever known, mortals are good at mystifying even the gods with the intellect.”
“In a Myth you did stuff with a horse, any truth to that particular story.” Peter snapped not expecting the silence that follows thereafter the comment.
I’m entirely down to read a parental Loki, a moody Teen Peter, and toddling Toddler Danny Phantom story. Like I want a build up to Parental Loki, Peter begins classic moody teen who is still too bright for Gotham, and a menace child Danny phantom.
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miserymet · 1 month ago
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Tragedy - Reploid Bass AU
Was digging through my old WIPs and found this bad boy. It’s technically unfinished (because I didn’t know how to end it) but it gets the main point across and establishes the where the plot is at post MMX7. Thought it might be interesting to those who want more details on the AU.
(quick timeline context; Bass gets his memories back post mmx6, disappears off the face of the earth and shows back up again halfway through mmx7)
Summary: Zero and Bass talk about one of Bass’ many regrets. In the process, Zero tries to connect the brother he knew as Forte to the stranger wearing his face.
“I wasn’t supposed to be here.”
The words are quiet. Not soft, as nothing Zero’s brother does is soft anymore, but they lack the usual bite. It’s enough to draw Zero’s attention to where Bass now sits. 
The chair holding him is old, a mundane relic of the furniture that was commonplace over a hundred years ago. It’s a miracle that it hasn’t crumbled under the weight of its occupant, but Bass had mentioned that the entire base was designed around its mechanical residents. Perhaps its creator imagined one of his robots might need to use a chair. Even if there’s not much of a difference between sitting and standing for them.
Zero’s surprised to see that Bass has his back turned to him. His brother isn’t too keen on letting Zero out of his sight nowadays, but his gaze is firmly fixed upon the screen in front of him now. Another uncharacteristic behavior. Zero sets aside the spare parts he was examining, all interest gone, and approaches the screen that has his brother so transfixed. It casts a dim light even in the darkness of the base, but the image is clear enough.
It’s an old contact log. A few lines of text sit at the bottom of the screen and for some reason, Zero feels the need to read them aloud.
“Bass. I made a mistake. I created something that I can’t control. You’re the only robot strong enough to stop it. Please help me.” He furrows his brow as he speaks the final line. “I’m sorry.”
“Six lines. Twenty six words. A hundred and fifteen characters.” Bass mutters.
“What does it mean?” 
It’s a genuine question, and maybe that’s why Bass laughs as though it’s the stupidest thing he could have asked. Zero waits with bitter patience for his brother to finish. This is typical of Bass’ new personality. Brash, abrasive, rude, all of these words and more fit the new image Zero’s brother has made for himself. Even his name is new. “Bass.” It’s been a bit of an adjustment to say the least.
Eventually, Bass manages to pull himself out of his laughing fit. His next words are the last thing Zero expects to hear.
“These are the words that killed me.”
“…I thought I did that.” Is all Zero can say to that. Bass laughs, much quieter this time.
“In the end, yeah.” His brother leans back in his seat. “But fighting you wasn’t-, I didn’t…”
“You ‘weren’t supposed’ to?” Zero volunteers.
“…I shouldn’t have.”
Bass goes quiet, lost in whatever old memories are haunting him today. Zero can’t help but feel frustrated. He used to know what to do when Bass…when Forte was upset. Whether it was about his lost memories, his weakness, his outdated code, Zero could always help. It’s different now.
Everything’s different now.
“Do you remember what I told you about our creator? How we didn’t really get along?” Bass starts, gaze still stuck on that old log.
“Because of your penchant for rebellion, yes.”
“That was only half of it. Yeah, I disobeyed him whenever I felt like it, but he wasn’t some doting father.” His brother turns to glare at him. “He was the most selfish, stubborn, stupid old man I ever met. Full of himself, too. You would have hated him.”
“That sounds a lot like you.” Zero can’t help the bite to his words. Maybe X was right. Maybe all this is getting to him. “Where are you going with this?”
“I was loyal at first. The old man had a lot of expectations for me, and I was determined to meet them. I didn’t. No matter how hard I tried, how strong I was, it was never going to be good enough if I couldn’t beat-,”
He stops abruptly, almost letting something slip. Something important. Bass is always vague about his old memories. He’s hiding something, but Zero can’t tell if it’s because it’s too risky or because he’s hoarding all that’s left of his past. It could really be either one. Zero isn’t sure he knows Bass all that well anymore.
“The point is, I was a failure to him. So he tried to move on. Build something else.” Bass shakes his head. “I couldn’t accept that. We fought. First it was just arguments, but it escalated. Before I knew it we were trying to kill each other.”
“What did you do?” Zero asks, though he’s not sure he wants to hear the answer.
“I left.”
Oh. Zero wasn’t expecting that.
“It sounds obvious, right?” His brother rests his head against his hand, expression flat. “But I wasn’t a reploid. I didn’t have the programming X or Axl did. It wasn’t as simple as changing my career. I was leaving my creator.”
“Bass…”
He doesn’t let Zero get a word in. “I agonized over it for days. What was I if not his robot? What could I even do without him? I was practically one foot out the door already, but I couldn’t move the other one. I…cared about him.”
Zero tries to imagine it. Bass, in his original body, standing beside a vague figure. His gaze sweeps across the room and Zero sees Bass sitting on a table full of junk, swinging his legs as he speaks to his creator. What did his face look like? Was it flat and cold, speaking in an even tone about plans or progress or whatever a man like that saw fit to discuss with his creation? Or was he annoyed, brow furrowed with one dipping lower than the other and mouth pulled into a small pout? Maybe it was a face Zero had never seen before, a soft smile, a wry grin that so clearly spelled out his amusement. 
He can only imagine. When he turns back to his brother, Bass wears the grimace he’s grown so used to.
“That was how I convinced myself to leave, in the end.” He breathes an empty sigh. “If I stayed, I might have hurt him. Might have let my anger take me to far and…”
His hands move in front of him, digits curled tightly around an invisible enemy. They hang in the air for a moment and shake. Then they fall. Bass lets his head follow them.
“You came back.” Zero speaks softly, trying for a gentleness he’s never been good at. “Why?”
Bass doesn’t pick up his head. “Same reason. I cared.”
“He made a robot, couldn’t control it and called you for help.” It feels both more and less real when he says it aloud. “He called you to your death.”
“And I came. I came because I am a fucking idiot.”
Zero blinks at the harsh language. Bass is far from the composed brother he knew, but even he didn’t use that language regularly. It feels strange. Forte would never, but Bass…it fits him a little more.
“He didn’t even have to apologize. The moment he came to me for help, the moment he called me strong-,” Bass grips his head in his hands. “All my conviction disappeared. I walked into that lab, this lab-!” He throws out his hands, nearly hitting Zero, “and I died for the man that tried to kill me!”
Zero doesn’t know what to say. What can he say? This is something he’s just learned, a grief he can only imagine. Bass has lived with this knowledge since the day he got his memories back. How did he feel, waking up and knowing that he lost everything to a man long gone? How do you live with that burden? How do you keep fighting?
Bass shoots up from his chair, gaze now fixed on Zero. There’s so much behind his eyes that Zero can’t see. A world no one alive has any hope of understanding.
“I was so close to being happy! To having something other than a worthless creator who only tolerated me as long as he could use me!”
His brother takes a step forward, the light of the screen illuminating every tear that falls from his face.
“And he took that from me! You took that from me!”
“I’m sorry-“
Zero sees the punch coming. He almost dodges. It’s what every self-preservation program in him begs him to do. He doesn’t. He takes it. The punch is hard, snapping his head to the side quite painfully. He doesn’t flinch. Not even when Bass’ fist splits the synthetic skin of his cheek. All he does is look back at his brother.
Bass stands there, eyes wide and mouth open. His arm hangs in the air. He can see the grime left on his hands. Can see the tension in every part of his body. Then, it shifts. Bass drops his hand and closes his mouth. That glare returns, fierce as ever.
“Don’t pity me. It’s too late for that.”
Zero tries to find his words. “I don’t-,”
“That hit only landed because you let it.” Bass casts his gaze to the side. “Everything I do to you is because you let me. Even in this body, I’m not strong enough.”
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mxabankzz5 · 18 days ago
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American Dream- Chapter 1
paring: wolverine!logan howlett x f!mutant!reader
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summary: Y/n, a high level mutant and vital member of the Avengers is left bewildered when another Wade Wilson, from outside her timeline, pleads for her help in his mission to save his dying world. Even more shocked when the merc reveals their other crucial ally to be a man she thought to have left in her past.
warnings: 16+, Fem!Reader, AFAB Reader, Use of Y/N, Her Avenger name is American Dream (Inspired by the comic hero), She/her pronouns, Swearing(lots), Angst, Heavy Violence, Deadpool (he's his own warning), Fluff, Possible Smut, Slow Burn, TVA
Masterlist
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Logan is not fucking dead.
Sure his ‘death’ scene in Logan made for a perfect ending to a very very sad story. But that’s not how regenerative healing factors work.
You think I wanna be here in downtown North Dakota digging up the one and only Wolverine? No thank you. But the fate of my entire world is at stake.
He might not be living his best life right now but be sure as hell ain’t-
I gasped and squealed in excitement as my shovel hit something hard.
Dead.
Moving the rumble around I noticed something shiny like metal. Adamantium. It was his goddamn skeleton.
“Yes..yes of course…” I sighed before grabbing my shovel and yelling out in anger. Smashing the wooden makeshift X that marked his grave.
“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” Snapping the shovel in half over my knee.
“YOU SON OF A BITCH! MOTHERFUCKER UGHHH MY WORLD IS FUCKED!”
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“Look, I’m not a man in science but you seem really passed away right now…but it’s good to see ya. I’ve gotta be honest, I’ve always wanted to ride with ya Log. Can you imagine the fun, the chaos?” I sighed once more, moving my hand from his metal kneecap to his jaw.
“Gday mate, nothing that’ll bring me back to life faster than a big bag of Marvel cash.” I impersonated, laying the Australian accent on thick.
“Hoo Hoo! Me too Hugh…hah but no no no no. You had be all noble and die forreal. GODAMMIT! I could really use your help right now.” I leaned forward rubbing my head in dismay before hearing the lovely sound of TVA soldiers behind me.
“Wade Wilson. You are under arrest by the Time Variance Authority for-”
“Ugh death by day player..”
“Drop you weapons and come out peacefully!”
“I’m not gonna give you my weapons..but I promise not to use them!” I groaned before repositioning myself to look up.
“There are 206 bones in the human body, 207 if I’m watching Gossip Girl. Ugh let’s go, maximum effort.” I high-fived Logan before grabbing him and leaping out from behind the snowy logs.
“Okay peanut, looks like we’re getting that team up after all.”
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After unfortunately having to slaughter the army Paradox obviously sent after me, I decided to start my plan b mission.
Find Y/n Y/L/N. The reason why all of this started in the first place.
You see, Y/n and Logan are special, so special that apparently them dying means my whole timeline has to fucking end.
So Y/n decided that instead of letting her best bud Natasha die she sacrificed herself for the soul stone so that they could get all the infinity stones and bring everyone back blah blah blah.
I know right? Stupidest fucking thing I ever heard.
Now this obviously took a toll on wolvy here, they were sort of..a thing?
By “thing” I mean married for 12 and a half years but who the hell is counting? It’s not like anyone knew anyway, the X-men and Avengers didn’t exactly get along publicly. Once the “cure” for the mutant gene got released, things got a little political between the two bands of heros. And of course Logan didn’t take to kindly to the fact that she sacrificed herself for an Avenger.
But I digress! That’s another story for another chapter.
I pulled out the fancy remote I snagged from one of the soldiers and scrolled through.
Earth 10005- current timeline
Earth 58126
Earth 616- select timeline
“This one looks promising.” I clicked the button to select it and a large orange door appeared before me.
I stepped through it into a bar. I didn’t see Y/n anywhere but I did happen to recognize a familiar pair of hair tufts. Perfect!
“Logan! I’m gonna need you to come with me.”
He slowly turned to face me. “Who’s asking?” He slipped off the bar stool to reveal…a midget?
I gasped. “Well who’s this little ankle bitter. Did you stick the landing little guy? Yes you did, comic accurate short king!” I cooed, leaning down to his eye level.
He frowned, looking behind me. Suddenly a hand grabbed my shoulder and turned me around with a shocking about of strength.
There stood Y/n, surprisingly standing eye to eye with me.
“Holy fuck.. you are all legs!”
“Are we gonna have a problem?”
“Oh no ma’am! Wouldn’t dream of it. But we might if you and little Logan here don’t come with me back to my timeline.”
She frowned before crossing her arms over her chest.
“You were just leaving”
“Uh no..I don’t think so because-”
She suddenly sent a powerful jab to my stomach, sending me flying across the bar.
Goddamn that super serum does wonders doesn’t it?
“Que the fucking montage.”
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And that’s how Wade got here, on earth 982.
After getting his ass beat by multiple variations of You and Logan he finally decided to enter this timeline.
Walking through the orange door he stepped into what looked like an office room. It was big and sleek but what really caught his eye was the large shield hanging on the wall like a painting.
It looked like Captain America’s shield but a bit smaller. It was in a glass display case which he assumed was bulletproof.
The gold plaque below it spelt out ‘American Dream’
But before Wade could fangirl any longer the cocking of a gun caught his attention and he quickly turned around.
You were standing behind him with a pistol to his head.
“Y/n! Wait.. oh my god are you Capt-“ Wade gawked at your outfit. It was almost Identical to Steve Rodger’s suit. From the star on your chest to the red boots that adorned your feet. Even your helmet was identical, except for an open area in the back to let your long soft curls run down your back.
“No wade, I’m not Captain America”
“Omg you know me?!” Every other Y/n didn’t bother to learn who he was before sending him flying into a wall.
“Yes wade, this is your 5th time trying to audition for the team of course I know you…”
“But wait.. if you’re not Cap then where is he? Is he alive here?? And you’re an Avenger?”
You gave him a confused look.
“What do you mean, of course he’s alive. He just talked to you yesterday he told me he rejected you...what the hell are you doing here wilson?” You reached to pick up the phone on what wade assumed was your desk, possibly calling security.
“Woah Woah calm down! I’m just shocked by the preppy, all-American sweetheart look, in every other timeline you’re always some kind of ‘anti-hero’. Ugh you and Logan really are perfect for each other.”
Wade almost didn’t catch the quick falter in your stance at the mention of the Wolverine but ignored it.
“Anyways sweetpea, I didn’t come here to audition, I came here for you.”
Your eyebrows raised in amusement.
“I’m flattered wilson but-“
“No! No! Not like that! My universe is dying, and in order to save it I need to replace at least one of the anchor beings that died in to buy it some time. If I replace both.. I can probably keep my timeline alive for good. Please, you’re the only one that can help!”
“Help how?”
Wade sighed in annoyance, gosh why all the inquiries!
“See this is where it gets a bit flakey- and please just hear me the fuck out before you flip out and punch me! *Deep inhale* You have to come back with me to my timeline, meet up with Paradox and beg him to reconsider, maybe chill out there a little bit while it slows the dying process, and then come with me to replace the other anchor being and permanently save my world.” He spews out quickly before Y/n could interfere.
He was expecting you to instantly lash out, telling him it was insane of him to ask you to abandon your timeline to go live in his with his soon to be new best friend.
But you just stood there, an almost blank look on your face. It honestly scared him, before you finally gave him a confused glare.
“Wait.. so you’re not from this timeline?”
“Uhm no.. but I would really appreciate it if-“
“And you want me to go with you to your timeline to find your other.. anchor being. What the hell is that?”
“Oh! Ugh It’s kinda this thing where if someone really really important dies then your timeline just goes to shit. Ya know I’m pretty sure if I were dead my timeline would probably be gone by now but since they needed me or whatever I decided to stick around for a bit longer.” He flipped his imaginary hair before turning back to Y/n with a hand on his hip.
“So I’m dead in your universe?”
“Bingo! And I really need you to be undead in my universe by… yesterday so chop chop!” He exclaimed, looking down at his imaginary watch before pulling out some kind of remote.
“Wait! Who’s the other anchor being?”
“Ughhhh God, all these damn questions! It’s someone you know, a very very dear friend to us. Jimmy.”
You frowned. “Who?”
“Jimmy? James? The man made of metal? Any of this ringing a bell?”
Y/n stared at him in bewilderment silently.
“Oh for christ sakes James! James Howlett! The Wolverine. Yikes Y/n you need to keep up with the lore, you’ve been around since Wolverine Orgins you should know what’s was going on girl!”
“Logan?!”
“Yes! Now let’s go find that little honey badger before he fucks around and nobly sacrifices himself again in this timeline. You do have one in this world, correct? Cause it would be soo sooo much easier if you could just call him right up for me honeybun.”
“I haven’t talked to Logan in years, I don’t even know where he is, let alone if he has a phone number I can call.”
Wade recoiled at the first sentence.
“You haven’t talked to him in years?! What do you mean, aren’t you guys married?”
Y/n’s eyes almost bulged at the question.
“Married!? Hell no! We barely even dated.”
Wade was shocked and a little dissapointed. “Oh! I just thought since in every other timeline you’re both- well nevermind. No time for stories let’s go!”
“Now hold on Wade, I don’t know if I can just leave my timeline-”
And there it was..gosh you were always so fucking responsible.
“Fine, guess I’ll have to just find Logan myself and go find another you that’ll help me.”
He tapped a button on the weirdly futuristic remote and turned away slowly, about to step through an orange door before you stopped him.
"Wait!"
The merc turned around giddy, hopeful that you would come to your senses and join him.
"What happens when I leave my timeline?
Wouldn't that fuck everything up here too?"
Wade froze, he hadn't really thought about that part. Shit!
"Uhhh well as far as I know, as long as you're not dead your world should be fine. So uhhh you should be good." He said, trying to sound as convincing as he could.
You could sense he was a bit unsure of himself but you also realized how much he needed you help.
"Y'know what, I'm in wilson."
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qqueenofhades · 6 months ago
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So how about Ol' Slippin' Denture Donny on Twitter, huh? That sure was... a thing that he did! Congrats to Kamala HQ for getting the ad content they need for a next few days or so till he does something else monumentally stupid...
Jesus rollerskating Christ we live in the stupidest timeline. (Possibly slowly improving, but still.)
Also, after (to nobody's surprise) Twitter crashed when it tried to launch the interview, because firing all those engineers maybe wasn't a brilliant decision by Apartheid Elmo, YouTube really stuck the knife in:
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Goddamn, I already need a cigarette.
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pikaflute · 7 months ago
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In preparation of TDP I have organized all my Sam and Max fics into one post for your viewing entertainment
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But For Now, We Live - 8k words - TDP spoilers After the events of TDP, Max wants to move on and go back to living a normal life with Sam, but Sam doesn't, and he can't figure out why.
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You Cut Me Like A Polygon - 6k words Sam gets injured on a case and Max gets upset over the fact Sam is always getting hurt or in danger because of him. Gonna be honest I wrote this so I could see Sam get aggressive with someone. My bad.
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Can You Hear The Drums, Fernando? - 6k words - TDP spoilers Focusing on a Max from another timeline who realizes over the years that he likes Sam but never tells Sam how he feels about him until it's too late. This was for a secret santa :)
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The World We Knew (Over and Over) - 3k words - TDP spoilers Right before the events of 305, Superball has to talk with Sam. I'm sure it will go well. Think of this as a companion to @sootnuki animation of the same name. I posted this on Christmas btw :)
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The Only One My Arms Will Ever Hold - 6k words Superball and Flint Paper go skating and they get really gay on the ice rink over it. I think middle aged yaoi is beautiful by the way. Also unironically this is my favorite SnM fic I've written.
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You're My Favorite Work of Art - 5k words Sam calls Max pet names on a case accidentally and Max gets all weird about it. Sam doesn't use this to advantage whatsoever. Savor this fic y'all. This is the only time these two aren't in agony.
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Don't Fuck It Up For You and Me - 3k words - TDP spoilers Sam celebrates his 41st birthday.
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🔞Good For You (Good For Me) - 6k words - TDP spoilers - NSFW Superball is stressed during the end of the world. Flint helps him in the stupidest way possible. You may be asking why I wrote this. The reason? I don't know.
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What is the dream smp drama ?
tl;dr called all Tommyinnit fans the r slur, deleted the tweet and didn't apologise till waaaay later, before which he made multiple streams and all the shit about him started coming out again (because his streams made everything worse). Tubbo made a stream about it in a very mature way by asking to talk on stream (Dream has a history of cutting private conversations up to make other creators look bad) and eventually it just turned into Tubbo vs Dream because Tommy blocked him, and Dream started being a shit to Tubbo. Most of the dsmp, some outside ccs, and editors/twitter folk who were in the fandom got involved revealing more stuff about Dream and how shitty he was.
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Full timeline + ~16 hours worth of Tubbo stream below
BOO. This is gonna take too long so i'm posting it before it's finished and gonna edit it over time. As Tubbo himself said, this situation is a death by a 1000 cuts (small problems which kinda blew up recently)
Dream and Quackity had drama. That's a whole other thing and i'm not sure we can really go into it without this being comparable to Do you love the colour of the sky so we'll assume you know what happened there. (~April 2022)
A little after this were the first set of grooming allegations against Dream, made by Alexandria (October 2022)
This just caused the dsmp to kinda just fall out
Tommy made a video entitled "If Youtubers were Honest" which included a part on the Dream vs Quackity (5 Aug 2023)
youtube
Dream texted Tom's mum, bro literally harassed Tom's mum
fast forward to 2025:
Tommyinnit calls Mizkif the worst person he’s knows
Mizkif calls Tommy cringe and annoying which xQc also does in his reaction to Mizkif's stream
Tommy called xQc a trump supporter (true)
xQc had a public meltdown saying Trump is cool and that Tommy is dickriding Dream (but he does this by giving free promo to Tommy's show)
Dream quotes with the following meme.
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This is where our path also diverges because there are so many streamers. Everyone reacts to the tweet and Dream deletes it.
Then Dream ranted to reddit saying he didn’t understand cause he’s autistic so he should be able to reclaim it (stupidest thing i’ve ever heard). It was meant to be his "apology". He also mentioned that the public’s reaction to Nicolas Cantu doing the same was generally positive (while i do agree most of the public went overboard in terms of support for Cantu especially when he used slurs as insults - most people only focused on him calling out Dream for covering up assaults and being weird around women and children + after the initial hype died down most people did agree his use of slurs and harassment of the driver was horrible - hence why he’s literally gone. He has no upcoming roles and he's def not coming back for the tmnt sequel). The biggest issue here is how instead of taking accountability he’s pulling this whataboutism card.
Also just a note that he claims he saw the meme, but people did the reverse image search - he created it.
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id: Genuinely still confused on what the "rules" are. Honestly not trying to be obtuse, multiple people go viral calling me the r word and everyone explains that its ok because they're neurodivergent, so then I see a meme that uses it and post it and get absolutely throttled for it. Obviously it's the internet being disingenous, but that doesn't completely invalidate anyone that might be upset by it. Most of the people calling me ableist for using it are the same people that lit off fireworks when Nicolas Cantu was the slur slinging slasher (including Tommy's closest friends). it's either okay or it's not okay, the double standards are infuriating. I have my own reasons for having a problem with Tommy going around being the "internet police" and was expecting to get a lot of shit for going after poor Tommy that lies about me constantly, but obviously i had no intentions of attacking every Dream SMP fan or being ableist lmao. It was a dig at Tommy fans, because somehow the worst of the ex dream smp stans have congregated all to make up lies and shit on other creators and Tommy feeds right into it to promote his patreon, shows or wharever else he's currently promoting, because he has absolutely no backbone. Either way, my lesson from this is that twitter is somehow even less reasonable than i thought in the first place, oh and don't use the r word under any circumstances even if you see a funny meme and you're autistic. Lesson learned, hopefully i can be forgiven. Back to coding
Tubbo did a 1 hour stream on this. Technically he did a 7 hour stream he cut into bits, but for the sake of the timeline making sense, he made a 1 hour stream. He was gonna talk to Dream on stream. He agrees that his friends do shit talk more than he's comfortable with BUT
Why is Dream only getting involved and doing this much when Tommy insulted xQc and not you know when he called Dream a pedo
You can't reclaim a slur if you use it as an insult
He thought this entire thing was Dream ragebaiting to get people ready for a new song or smth, and he reminded the audience of Nicolas Cantu being drunk.
"If you don't want to be made fun of for doing shitty things just stop doing shitty things"
Tommy in this time released a video saying he blocked Dream and that it was horrible that Dream used the r slur. From this point Tubbo decided against calling Dream, instead watching Dream's 3 hour stream on the topic and reacting to it.
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