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niningtori · 24 hours ago

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the way we were before | oneshot

pairing: choi beomgyu x you

summary: you've been in love with beomgyu for as long as you've known him. deep down, you've always thought that he loved you, too; so when he tells you that he's engaged to another woman, you decide to break it all off after a nasty fight in which he shows you just how little you mean to him. a life-ending accident seems to put your feelings to rest, for good. just when you think it's all over, however, you awaken to a time before everything fell apart; and you're determined not to repeat the same mistakes. it's just that beomgyu can't seem to let you go.

genre: ANGST (literally so much angst it's not even funny), romance, second chancelau, rebirthlau, she falls first but he falls harder, possessive!beomgyu

warnings: mcd (and rebirth), somewhat graphic depictions of death/a corpse, suicidal thoughts, you can interpret a scene at the end as somewhat suggestive but not really

word count: 12.7k

notes: this work contains a lot of angst... and that's coming from ME. this might be too sad to the point of being corny but luckily i was born on the cob. don't be mean to me tho i'm going thru it rn. feedback also means the world 2 me <3

some things are a matter of course. for example, when you were initially paired with beomgyu for a project in your senior year of college, it was a matter of course to fall in love with him. supporting him morally and emotionally while he struggled throughout the rest of the year and well into his adult career? well, that was a matter of course, too. being with him every day, spending every spare second you had with the intention to make him happy, and giving up any concept of self-preservation in exchange for even a morsel of his affection? the answer doesn’t even need to be said. through it all, you’ve suspected that all of the intimacy that you’ve nurtured will inevitably end up with you two being together, of course.

you haven’t done any of it for the outcome. truly, you haven't. you make him happy simply because it makes you happy just to see him shine. he’s always been such a bright, sunny boy, and it’s always been enough just to be the one who helps maintain his true personality. it absolutely kills you to see him hurting, so it isn’t unusual to drop everything, be it work or social events, just to give him advice, give him comfort, or even just give him company. while he certainly doesn't show his affection towards you as profusely as you do to him, you know he cares about you. you can see it in the way he notices the little things about you, and in the way he listens to you with full attentiveness, even when you have nothing particularly interesting to tell him. when everyone talks over you, he tells you that he wants to hear what you have to say. and that’s enough.

with all of this in mind, you jump at his invitation to hang out at his apartment. he’s been a little distracted lately, cancelling plans together for reasons unknown. it’s been odd, to be sure, but you know he’ll tell you whatever’s been bothering him soon enough. he always does. you greet him with takeout from his favorite restaurant in tow as a surprise, and he takes it with that smile you love so damn much. he looks a little nervous, but happy, mostly, and you don’t have to wait for very long before he clears his throat and announces that he has something important to tell you.

you try not to get your hopes up, but who can blame you for feeling a hint of anticipation? maybe he’ll finally confess his feelings to you. maybe that’s why he’s been a little weird. naturally, since your mind is racing so much with romantic hypotheticals, of course it comes as a shock to you that he simply says, “i’m getting married.”

beomgyu, notorious for never even having the time nor interest to date around, is not only dating, but engaged. your jaw drops when he tells you that it all happened so quickly, he doesn’t even know how it unfolded. all he knows is that once he met her, a whirlwind romance swept him up, and just a few months have been more than enough for him to know that she’s the one. in fact, as he so fondly declares, he knew it from the very first moment he saw her at the dinner between the company you two work for and her own. the one where you were his “date”. you knew that it wasn’t a real proclamation of love or affection for him to ask you to accompany him, but you can’t say that you weren’t beaming with pride and validation at you being his natural choice. when you arrived at the dinner, you remember some of your coworkers jokingly whispering to you to just make it official already. you spent the night mostly by his side, looking up at him in admiration and love. as it turns out, the time you spent fawning over him was equally spent with him falling in love at first sight with another woman. you weren’t even apart for very long, but apparently he met her when you two broke apart to mingle.

it’s a kick in the chest, to put it bluntly. you feel the wind being knocked out of your lungs, and you’re struggling to breathe. the first time you caught a glimpse of him, you knew that any attempts to stop yourself from falling in love with him were hopeless. his smile, his charm, his playfulness immediately had you enraptured. you’ve always, always known that he didn't have a similar experience with you, but you just assumed that he simply isn’t the type to be caught up in such childish romanticism. you've always loved him outwardly and persistently, and you've shown him that in every single way you possibly know how. you dared to hope that maybe he was just the type to quietly reciprocate. obviously, with how emphatically he’s professing his love for another woman, you were very, very wrong.

“what's the matter? aren't you happy for me?” you struggle to answer, but he continues as if he doesn’t notice. “you know, i was thinking you could be, like, my best man. i've seen people do it these days—you'd pretty much be my best woman. i really want you to do it. there's no one else i can think of to—well, actually, there's soobin, but you’re my—”

“beomgyu,” you sharply interrupt, wetness pooling in your waterlines. beomgyu may be a little emotionally slow, but he’s not stupid. you know he knows that you've had feelings for him since forever ago. while it hurts, the fact of them being unrequited isn't what really gets you; it’s the fact that he doesn’t have the decency to just tell the truth. he took advantage of your love for him, always calling for you when he needed you, without ever really doing the same for you. “what… what about us?”

“what about us? you’re my best friend, and i want you to be part of my wedding,” he says smoothly, but you level him with a watery stare. as if realization finally dawns on him, he replies in a way you sincerely did not anticipate.

“c’mon, you know i don’t see you like that,” he chuckles with a wave of his hand, and you really would’ve rathered him say literally anything else. you’d prefer it if he had just punched you in the stomach, actually, because that would feel considerably better than this… this humiliation. you’re silent for a moment before you feel the tears you’ve been struggling to keep in cascade down your face. to his credit, he has the decency to look uncomfortable, and his playful smile drops. before he can reply, however, you speak again.

“you knew how i felt about you this whole fucking time, you were just too much of a coward to be honest with me,“ you declare. “if… if you had just told me, i would’ve understood. i-i would've—you didn't have to do it this way.”

“listen, i’m sorry that you’re hurt, but i really didn’t mean—”

“are you really sorry that i’m hurt, or are you sorry that i showed you i’m hurt?” you cut in. “beomgyu, you don’t care about how i feel, just as long as you don’t have to be the one to deal with it.”

“i’m—you're being unfair. i didn't want to hurt your feelings, i just wanted us to stay friends. what's so bad about that? don't you want that?” he seems genuinely puzzled, as if he can't wrap his head around why you'd ever be indignant at the fact that he stayed friends with you mainly for his own comfort.

“jesus christ, beomgyu! a real friend would never do this. you kept me around so i’d keep helping you with work, with life, with what the fuck ever. why can't you just be honest, after all this time? just don’t lie,” you spit.

“i'm not lying! you've helped me a lot, and i'm grateful for that, but you can't expect me to just owe you my feelings,” he snaps.

“that's not what this is about, and you know it,” you tremblingly reply, dignity cut right to the bone.

“seriously? that's exactly what this is about. you're the altruistic angel who does nothing wrong, and i'm just a fucking scumbag who takes advantage of you, right? well, i'm sorry, but it's not my fault that you're acting so goddamn crazy over something so stupid.” your eyes burn with an intensity so great, it feels like they're being seared out of your skull. in this moment, you realize that he will never, ever respect you enough to consider you worthy of being leveled with. he doesn't think you're even worth the time. you're his silly, lovesick best friend who's absolutely delusional to the point of being laughable for suggesting that he actually take you seriously, for once. and that revelation breaks you like nothing else.

you won’t do this anymore. you couldn’t even if you wanted to, and you don’t.

“i never want to see you again,” you sob, and while it may seem juvenile to say, you truly mean it. before you can hear beomgyu reply, you dash out of the building and to your car.

everything is a blur when you peel out of the parking lot and onto the road. your eyes are pouring out thick, hot tears, and you try your best to swipe them away as soon as they come, but it’s difficult when they’re seemingly endless. you don’t even attempt to hold in your sobs—they’re far too deep and frequent for that. if someone were to glance at you through their window, they’d think you were absolutely insane. and maybe you are, you don’t know. maybe you’re insane for thinking that things could’ve ever been any different. maybe you were just imagining everything that seemed like confirmation that he loved you back. maybe it was all a delusion because you wanted it so fucking badly. and maybe that’s your fault.

but did he really have to crush you like this? he knew you were in in love with him. he knew you were waiting for him. he knew what he meant to you. why couldn’t he have just been honest instead of stringing you along? to ask for him to return your feelings would’ve been too much, you've always understood that to be the case; but even to the bitter end, he’ll call you crazy before he tells you the truth.

you try to keep yourself focused, but everything’s a blur with your eyes bleary with a film of tears. you have half a mind to just pull over and have a meltdown on the side of the road, but before you can do that, you hear your phone ringing. you pick it up in a frenzy, silently hoping that it’s beomgyu with an apology, but the number is unknown. you don’t even have time to feel disappointed before you look up and see that you’re barrelling past a red light. in a panic, you realize that you’re about to crash headfirst into another car. you swerve your steering wheel as hard as you can, seemingly avoiding danger, but the sight of a tree coming closer and closer into your vision paralyzes you with fear. you try to brake, but you’re going too quickly for it to be of any use.

the collision is bone-shattering in the literal sense. you’d think you’d feel adrenaline alone in such a situation, but you can feel pain bursting out of every cell of your body as you still after being thrown back and forth in your seat. every organ, every bone, feels like it’s just been crushed, and not for the first time today, you’re struggling to breathe.

as you slip out of consciousness, one immovable thought resounds in your head: i wish i'd never met him.

the sound of your alarm ringing pulls you out of the darkness. your eyes shoot open and you sit straight up in pure shock. while you pant—just trying to catch your breath—you grab your chest, clutching at your shirt as you feel your heart drumming erratically. did you survive? you scramble out of your bed and look in the mirror. there’s nothing on your face. no fresh wounds, bruises, no scars from what just happened. that can’t be right. you know you were torn up from the collision, and there’s no earthly way you came out of it unscathed. was it a dream? it can’t be; you can still feel the phantom of pain on every inch of you, even when there’s no indication of any material harm. you remember every second you spent before and after wrapping yourself around that tree. does that mean you’re dead? are you in the afterlife?

that doesn’t seem right, either. you don’t know much about what the afterlife is supposed to be like, if there’s even one at all, but this feels too real and familiar. you reach for your phone, with its alarm still blaring, and as you hit snooze, you notice the date. it’s just a few months before… before everything happened. did you go back in time? is that even possible? you try to reconcile yourself with that fact for a long, long time. so long, in fact, that you don't even realize you're supposed to be heading to work until it's five minutes after you're supposed to be there.

as if on cue, your phone rings with your boss’ contact displayed on the screen.

“hello,” he says as casually as anyone ever can. this just solidifies the idea that your accident must never have happened, because if it had, he certainly wouldn’t be greeting you as if it’s just another day.

“h-hey,” you attempt to reply, and your voice is so choked and thick with emotion, he can hear how badly you’re struggling to speak at all.

“is everything alright?” he asks, concern laced in his tone. that’s enough to make you break, and before you can stop it, you’re outright sobbing into the phone.

“i’m—i just—i don’t think i can come in today.” you fumble for an excuse, but it’s difficult to think straight as you feel your mind breaking down. “i, um, i—”

“hey, it’s okay. you can take the day off, alright? don’t worry about anything, just focus on feeling better.” his words, so comforting in nature, do nothing but make you cry even harder. it feels nice to be cared for like this. if you had the coherence to think so, you’d wonder how baffled he must be at your behavior. luckily, you’re far too gone to care. you think you end up stammering out something similar to a thank you, but you’re not quite sure. either way, the call ends, and you collapse onto your bed. you curl yourself up and tuck your knees to your chest as you grip yourself as tightly as you can. this is real. you’ve gone back. thank god, you’ve gone back.

you cry and cry until no more tears will come out, and while you try to keep yourself awake as the hours pass by, the relief you feel coalesces with the enticing nature of your soft bed, so you can't help but drift off. it’s different from the way you drifted off mere hours ago. it’s a lot warmer and kinder, and you're so, so fucking tired, you don’t even want to fight it anymore.

a knock on your door wakes you from your sleep. it’s a good thing, too, because you were having a nightmare. rejection, devastation, primal fear, mind-numbing pain, then total darkness repeated incessantly in your head for hours on end. you swipe away your tears, but they continue to flow as you practically drag yourself to your door. you’re so disoriented, you don’t even think to check to see who it is before opening it. what a mistake that turns out to be.

“hey! whoa—are you okay?” he asks, and who else could it be besides beomgyu? your heart pounds in your chest, and even more tears stream down your face as you let out a sob. his mouth contorts into a frown. his face, previously so endearing to you, makes you feel absolutely repulsed. you lost everything for the figure standing before you, and he has the nerve to ask you if you’re okay. a fire is ignited in your stomach, and you feel yourself on the precipice of carnal rage. while you’re trying to suppress that feeling, he speaks again.

“i heard you called in, so i thought i’d check on you. do you have a fever?” he questions, reaching out his hand to check your forehead for abnormal warmth. without even thinking about it, you smack his hand away.

“don’t touch me,” you all but growl, but beomgyu is undeterred.

“what’s the matter? i don’t care if you get me sick; i could use the time off,” he teases with a grin, but your face remains twisted up in pure anger.

“get out,” you mumble between clenched teeth.

“what?” he asks, and it's unclear if that's because he's confused, or because he simply didn't hear you. either way, you don't care.

“get out,” you repeat, louder this time, but not lacking any of the previous anger. your erratic behavior is enough to finally irritate beomgyu.

“fine, whatever. forget i even bothered,” he scoffs as he stalks out of the door. you slam it behind him before falling to the floor. this is your chance. you came back too late to avoid ever meeting him again, but it’s still good enough for you. from now on, you two will live completely separate lives spent being nothing to each other. owing nothing to each other. again, you find yourself sobbing in relief.

when you return to work the next day, the first thing you do is head to your boss’ office. he looks relieved to see you for a moment before he notices the envelope in your hand. with the way his smile drops, you know he immediately knows what it is.

“what’s that?” he asks, though the tension in the air is more than enough confirmation that he has no doubts about what the letter reads.

“my resignation,” you tell him.

“may i ask what this is about?” he probes. no, he can’t, because even if you told him, he’d never believe you.

“i just don’t think this position is right for me,” you deadpan, and the look on his face shows that he doesn’t really buy it.

“you’ve worked so hard for so long, and you want to give up now?” he has a point. your company is on the brink of a major deal with another company, which will result in a financial breakthrough like none other, if successful. as fate would have it, said company is the one in which beomgyu’s future wife works, and the dinner where the two of them met is the celebratory party for such success. you’d laugh at the circumstances if you could. “whatever the issue is, we can work it out. just don’t leave before we do this. we need you, and even if you want to leave after we close the deal, you’ll still be rewarded for everything you’ve done. don’t you want to see that happen?” you do. you really, really do. you’ve given so much of yourself for this opportunity, and you really want to see it work out. you guess, in a way, you already have seen it; but if you leave now, that’ll never happen. this particular project needs you to get off of its feet.

but can you really stand to see beomgyu for a second longer? have his mere presence fuck with your head? is it even worth it? you’re about to declare that it most certainly is not, but you stop yourself. the money will be good for you to start a new life. maybe you’ll move buildings, maybe even to a new city, maybe across the country, who knows? you’ll be more than comfortable with this potential payout, and then you can start a new life somewhere where you know nobody, and nobody knows you.

“i want a new partner, at least,” you counter, and his face morphs into a grimace. he’s undoubtedly confused at your sudden aversion towards beomgyu, but he doesn't mention it to you.

“that’ll be difficult. i need you both for this to work.” you’re about to flatout deny him, but he continues. “if you can just make it through this, i promise that you can go wherever you want to go, and i’ll even give you a bonus for your trouble. deal?” you purse your lips as you mull it over. if you can suffer through being partners with beomgyu, your move will be considerably easier. still, you’re undecided before you have an epiphany: in just a few months, beomgyu will meet his future wife and fall head over heels in love with her. all you have to do is ignore him until then, and he’ll inevitably leave you alone once he meets her. so what if beomgyu’s here? you don’t want to care about him anymore. and once everything’s settled, you’ll pack your life away and start somewhere without the bad memories.

“okay,” you reply, and his face breaks out into a grin.

beomgyu is very visibly ruffled today, which you would immediately notice if you just spared him a glance, but you do no such thing. your lack of attention towards him serves to only rile him up even further. he wants to be stubborn—act out until you apologize to him, but once he realizes you have no intention of doing so, he finally relents and approaches you.

“hey,” he says coolly, still a little annoyed, but prepared to forgive you. you look up at him blankly, and he’s unsettled by just how empty your eyes look, so he nervously asks you, “are you… are you feeling better?” you look at him as if he just spouted the most asinine question of all time, and for the first time ever, he feels small under your gaze. he shifts awkwardly on his feet before you break the silence.

“i’m fine,” you tell him. he waits for you to ask him how he is, but the words never come. in fact, you turn away and bury your nose in your work as if he’s not standing there, waiting dumbly for you to respond as you usually would. well, whatever. you’ll have to talk to him, eventually. especially since you two are working on such a big project.

you don’t really talk to him, though, aside from what’s absolutely necessary. for most of the day, you silently slide papers over to him without even deigning to look at him while you do it. when you do have to speak to him, your words are cold and detached, as if even speaking to him is a chore. it’s like you’re looking past him, almost. like you don’t even really see him, and he’s never felt as unsettled by a gaze in his life.

at lunch, you quietly remain at your desk instead of joining beomgyu like you usually would, and you can't quite bring yourself to eat. you just feel sick by this entire situation, and while you know you need food to survive, you’re sure you’ll vomit if you try to eat anything.

beomgyu, on his part, leaves you alone, though he desperately wants to try to get you to eat with him. he won’t admit it, but he’s actually afraid that you’ll reject him again. he doesn't know why, but the thought of you doing so slashes at his heart. this is a mystery to him. he shouldn’t really care if you reject him or not, since he’s been quietly rejecting you for years, but he can’t help it. still, as he watches you space out at your desk, he tries to will himself to bear the brunt of a possible denial before a coworker he recognizes approaches you.

you don’t even notice mingi walking up to you, so you jump in surprise when he greets you. you’re pretty familiar with him, but you’re not particularly close, so you’re a bit surprised by his arrival.

“can i sit with you?” he asks, grinning as he asks it. you nod in response, and he grins even wider before he pulls up a chair and seats himself in front of you.

“are you going to eat?” he questions, and you shake your head.

“not hungry,” you reply. he frowns.

“you still need to eat. you need energy, especially since you’re working so hard.” you’re actually a little sheepish because of his words. so he’s noticed how hard you’ve been working? it feels nice to be appreciated. is he worried about you?

“i’ll eat later,” you lie. he seems a bit reluctant, but he eventually nods.

“make sure you eat, okay? i’ll—i’ll text you and make sure you have. is that alright?” you’re stunned for a few seconds before agreeing, and he ends up sliding you his phone so you can put your number in it.

beomgyu watches it all from his desk, and he feels a sense of loss. is it because you’re directing your attention elsewhere? that has to be it, right? it can't be any deeper than that, but somewhere nearly unreachable inside of him, he feels an unfamiliar sensation scratching at his heart, begging him to acknowledge it. but he shakes away the thought. you’re acting really weird, but that’s okay. you love him, and you’ll get back to normal really soon.

that’s what he tells himself, but you remain as cold as ever throughout the rest of the week. you don’t look at him with those adoring eyes, and you don’t even crack a smile at his attempted jokes. he feels like he's going insane, as if he's on the brink of understanding something really important, but he can't quite make it there.

it all comes to a head when beomgyu shows up late back from grabbing lunch. he's done this a million times before, and he's always been greeted by your insistence that his tardiness isn't a big deal. in spite of the tension between you two, he still assumes that you'll be as forgiving as ever.

“hey, sorry i'm late. i got caught up with eating and didn't realize how late it was getting,” he says casually. he searches your face for any traces of leniency, for the indulgence you used to give him, but there is none. only anger, and maybe even something like regret, though he can't quite understand the latter.

“don't be late again. we don't have time for this,” you say coldly before sticking your nose back into your computer, effectively ignoring anything else beomgyu could say to placate you.

you two work late into the night. beomgyu gets so caught up in his work, too afraid to draw your ire again, but when he realizes he hasn't heard any noise coming from you in a while, he peers over to see you staring blankly at the wall. your face seems expressionless, but your eyes are what horrifies him. dead, empty, hopeless. “a-are you okay?”

the sound of his voice does nothing to break you out of your trance, however. in fact, it seems to have triggered something in you, decimated a dam that was already leaking. your eyes still look blank as tears begin to leak out of your eyes. they fall slowly at first, then incessantly. it's hard to reconcile the steady stream with the way your face remains completely devoid of emotion.

tentatively, he places a hand on your shoulder. suddenly, you're jolted awake, eyes now looking as composed and indifferent as ever.

“are you okay? w-what's wrong?” he asks anxiously,

you hurriedly wipe away your tears before you say, “nothing. just thinking about something.” you redirect your attention to your work, just trying to fully shake the way you were just locked into the memory of you dying alone.

“what could you possibly be thinking about to make you look like that?” he asks concernedly, his voice unintentionally rising in frustration. your eyes harden before you turn to him.

“none of your business,” you say firmly. before he can say anything, you're packing up your things. “i'm going to call it a night and go home.”

“wait! talk to me! what's been bothering you so much lately? you've been weird for a while now, so just tell me what's going on with you. i'm here. i'm listening,” he says as gently as he can.

“you're here? you're listening?” you sneer. “i'm so honored that you finally give a fuck about how i'm feeling,” you say sarcastically. he frowns at your words.

“what are you talking about? i'm always here for you,” he says, and he looks so genuine, it makes you even angrier. he sincerely thinks he's telling the truth. so fucking clueless and selfish.

“are you? do you think offering up your ear once in a blue moon makes you an altruistic angel or something?” you know he can't understand that you're throwing his own words back in his face, because he can't even remember saying them, but you don't care. it just feels too damn vindicating to stop yourself. “beomgyu, you're only as available to me as is convenient to you. you'd never put yourself out of your way to comfort me. meanwhile, i've always been ‘here’ and ‘listening’ at your will. i don't need your pity, and i certainly don't want it.” he's stunned into silence. you're absolutely correct, he realizes with a sinking feeling. before he can formulate the words to defend himself, you pack up your things and leave the office.

in the following weeks, you realize that mingi is… nice. really, really nice. you’re not used to prospective romantic partners actually seeming to like you, so the feeling is foreign, but not unwelcome. do you have feelings for him outside of appreciation? well, not really. in the back of your mind, you honestly doubt that you’re even capable of having feelings for other people anymore, but you try not to think about it too much. if you seriously search for an answer, you fear you won’t like what you find.

mingi is diligent, though, and you like that about him. now that you’ve made it clear that you’re not involved with beomgyu (and never want to be), he’s pulling out all the stops to charm you. lunches you would previously spend with beomgyu are now spent laughing with mingi. in the same way, downtime at work, which would normally entail catching up with beomgyu and maybe helping with a few of his assignments, are now reserved for chats with mingi. as beomgyu watches you two giggle with your heads together, he wonders what you two could possibly be talking about to ever be that funny. his jaw ticks in irritation at the scene. most notably, though, is the fact that instead of spending your off days with him, you flatout reject him with no explanation. not even with a perfunctory “sorry”. he doesn't have to wonder what you’ve been doing when he hears your coworkers gossiping about how you're always hanging out with mingi.

beomgyu feels you slipping away, and it brings a sense of panic he’s never known before. but why? he shouldn't care about your romantic endeavors. granted, you haven’t had one during the entire time that you've known him, but it’s only natural that he supports you as your best friend. best friend. does that term even apply to him anymore? he wants to insist that it does, but as the weeks turn into months, your disgust for him becomes clearer and clearer. as he sits across from you and mingi at an after-work dinner with your department, he watches as mingi flirtatiously whispers into your ear. when some of your coworkers tease the two of you about it, he realizes with sickening certainty that he doesn't just want to be your best friend, he wants to be the one who sits next to you. he wants to be the one your coworkers joke about being your boyfriend, and he wants them to be right about it. the time you two have spent apart has shown him that he can't imagine anyone else occupying the space beside you. with an overwhelming sense of clarity, beomgyu realizes that this feeling, so deep and all-consuming, is love.

how could he not love you? regardless of everything you've done for him, you're still so perfect to him, for him. he finds himself appreciating things he previously took for granted. you're beautiful, caring, funny, and smart. he loves your smile, your laugh, your company. he loves the way you look when you're focused, the way you look so innocent when you sleep. you're the first person he wants to tell any time something happens, good or bad. you're the face he wants to wake up to in the morning. you're the only person he trusts to be his partner for the rest of his life. and now, it's clear that he can't just let you go without a fight.

as everyone begins to leave the restaurant one by one, he follows you out into the parking lot, determined to make his feelings known. even if you don't reciprocate them anymore, he's willing to put in the effort to make you love him again. and even if you don't… even if you can't… the desire to simply be next to you supersedes the need to be loved back.

you don't realize that beomgyu is trailing after you until you get to your car. he calls out your name as you're about to pull the door handle. with a sigh, you turn around.

“what is it?” you ask flatly.

“are you serious about mingi?” he asks firmly, but he already knows that you are not. the way you look at mingi is laughable compared to the way you looked at beomgyu before your sudden change in behavior.

“yep,” you say.

“no, you're not. i can tell,” he argues with conviction.

“oh, and you know me so fucking well, huh?” you snark.

“i do,” he tells you, stepping closer. “i know you, and i know you don't really like him. not really.” damn. he caught you.

“just because i don’t like him now, doesn't mean i can’t like him later,” you insist.

“so what? you’re just going to string him along while hoping you’ll like him someday? are you just going to spend the rest of your life never really caring about anyone? you can't live like that.” his words leave no room for argument, but you’ll be damned before you don't at least try.

“you’re right, i shouldn’t lead him on, but what’s it matter to you? even if it doesn't work out with him, maybe i’ll meet somebody who i can tolerate, and who can tolerate me. i don’t think i need anything more than that.” beomgyu flinches at your bizarre words, but he's already reconciled with the idea that even if you don't want him anymore, he'll still take whatever you want to give him with a smile on his face.

“then what about me? i… i can be that person.” he's so nervous, you can tell that it took all of his courage to say that. but who cares?

“you can’t,” you argue.

“why not?”

“that would mean i’d have to be able to tolerate you, and i don’t want to do that.” not anymore.

“why are you acting like this? you’re acting like i’m so fucking horrible, but you used to lo—” he stops himself, but you both know he was going to bring up the love you had for him. “i just want to know what changed.”

“i did. i changed.”

“but why? i mean, i didn’t realize it before, and i know i wasn’t always the best, but i’ve always had feelings for y—”

“don’t even bother finishing that sentence. you don't like me at all,” you sneer, “you just don’t like seeing me move on.” this makes him pause, and even you don’t have the heart to pretend like you can’t see the hurt in his eyes.

“why can’t you ever just believe me?” he asks quietly. “i’m telling you i love you, but you don’t even care. i’m saying that it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but you’re acting like… like i'm disgusting to you.” he looks like he's about to cry, and it makes you all the more frustrated.

“you don’t understand,” you reply in between clenched teeth.

“then help me understand. i just want to know why. i just want to know how to fix it. how can i bring you back?”

“you can't. look, i’m—” and you’re about to apologize, but you just can’t make yourself do it. “you’ll get it really, really soon. you won’t even remember feeling this way, i can promise you that, and you’ll forget all about me.”

“what are you talking about?” he says exasperatedly. beomgyu may not have always been the best of friends towards you, but he can recognize when you’re holding yourself back. “what aren't you telling me?” you purse your lips in response.

“nothing. there's no point in saying anything, because you wouldn't understand even if you tried. you wouldn't remember—fuck, never mind. just let it go, beomgyu. i have.” but he can't just let it go. this whole fucking thing as an enigma to him. but your words are… odd. what do you mean he wouldn't remember? there's nothing to remember, no matter how much he tries. before he can respond, you get into your car and drive away.

“c’mon, you know i don’t see you like that,” beomgyu tells you, forcing an awkward laugh. your expression immediately crumbles, and he begins to shift uncomfortably when he realizes that he must’ve said the wrong thing. your silence is deafening, ringing in his ears, but he still tries to maintain a smile. maybe you’ll lighten up. maybe you’ll go back to the way you were before. maybe you’ll even crack at smile at this ridiculous situation when you realize that he’s right in his assumption that you’re just being emotional. your feelings for him can only go so deep, right? you can go back to being friends after this, just the way he likes it.

his smile is wiped clean off of his face when your eyes redden and well up in pure, unadulterated hurt. hurt he’s never seen before. he fumbles for the right words, but before he can find them, you break the suffocating silence.

“you knew how i felt about you this whole fucking time, you were just too much of a coward to be honest with me. if… if you had just told me, i would’ve understood. i-i would've—you didn't have to do it this way.” any delusions beomgyu has that you’ll just let this go are promptly flushed away at your biting tone. jesus christ. you’re right, and he knows it. he flounders for a response, but nothing he can possibly say could really be enough.

he spends the duration of the argument mainly trying to defend himself. honestly? he doesn't want to remember everything you two say, but he knows he's being nasty in an effort to keep himself from reconciling with the fact that he is, indeed, a coward. he knows he’s never been the greatest friend to you, though he’s always justified it by recalling the times where he did do thoughtful things for you. when you tell him that your resentment isn’t about the fact that he doesn't feel the same way, but because of the fact that he won’t own up to his actions, he feels a stab to his pride. before he can stop himself, he lashes out.

“i never want to see you again,” you choke out between sobs, and he feels a piercing pain shoot through his body, all the way down to his bones. you don’t mean that. there’s no way you mean that. you care about him. you love him, and even if he doesn't feel quite the same way, he loves you, too. but one look at your resolute face is enough to tell him that you mean it. he wills himself to say something—anything—but you rush out of the door before he can quite muster up the courage to speak.

he stands in a stunned silence for longer than he could ever rightfully justify, but a call from an unfamiliar number eventually pulls him out of his daze. usually, he’d reject it and chalk it up to spam, but something tells him that he should—needs to—answer it. with shaky hands, he accepts the call.

“h-hello?”

the response mostly sounds rather clinical in nature, really. there’s a perfunctory greeting before the monotone voice detachedly states that there’s been an accident, and he will need to come to the coroner’s office to accurately identify the corpse, which had been declared deceased at the scene. as it turns out, he was your first emergency contact.

“we are deeply, deeply sorry.” the final words are the only ones that seem to hold any hint of an emotion in them, but beomgyu is too preoccupied to hear it. in a daze, he gets in his car and makes his way to the coroner’s office. hoping, praying, needing for this to be a bad dream. as he comes to find out, it is not.

beomgyu’s head whips up in horror, and he’s panting like mad in between whimpers. tears incessantly pour out of his eyes, wetting his flushed cheeks. was it all a dream? there’s no way; it was too real to be a dream. he was there—he lived it. no, no, no…

“beomgyu?” a voice says, somewhat breaking him out of his panic. his bleary eyes snap up to the doorway to see you standing there, your eyebrows knit with concern and confusion. you two have been working late again, awkwardly alone together once more after his confession. you saw that he had fallen asleep, but he looked so tired, you couldn't bring yourself to wake him up. “are… are you okay?” he's absolutely frozen as you tentatively approach him, pausing a bit uncertainly before approaching him to get a closer look. he grabs you and tugs you towards him, wrapping his arms around you in an almost bruising grip. he nuzzles his wet face into the crook of your neck, inhaling your familiar scent in between shudders.

“beomgyu, are you sick? did you have a bad dream?” you ask. his heart would flutter at your concern, concern you haven’t shown him for so long, in any other context; but as it is, he’s far too distraught to appreciate it.

“i… i remember,” he croaks, trying to get even closer to you, as if doing so is the only way to keep you safe. you’d like to break out of his embrace, but he’s so distraught while you’re so off-guard, you don’t do it just yet.

“remember what? something about the project? we can—”

“no. i’m—i remember… i remember losing you.” he can’t quite bring himself to be any clearer, but you seem to understand him, anyway. you stiffen in his arms before prying him off of you. he fumbles for you, just to touch you again, but you push him away. you exert very little force, but it’s firm and unrelenting.

“oh,” you reply, looking a little lost, but mostly just cold. he's basically wailing now, but he tries his best to answer.

“i’m so, so fucking sorry. i didn’t—”

“what, you didn’t mean to? you’re sorry? maybe so, but does it matter?” you cut in, almost snarling. now that he remembers, all of the feelings, all of the resentment you’ve kept bottled up come tumbling out of your mouth. “what's the point in telling me this now, after everything? you’re not sorry, beomgyu. you only care because i’m—because i was gone. i don’t want to hear about your regrets; they’re worthless to me.” he recoils as if you just punched him. his eyes turn even redder than they were before, too, and he’s silent at your words.

he wants to tell you that you’re wrong, because he really is sorry, but can he truthfully say that he’d realize his feelings if you didn’t… go? he can’t. for all he knows, he’d have rejected you forever. he's so ashamed, he'd rather die than feel this way. even so, he wants to attempt to explain himself; you deserve that much. before he can reply, however, you rise and stalk towards the doorway. it’s reminiscent of the way you left when everything happened, and he desperately tries to follow you, grabbing your arm before you can make it out the door.

“don’t touch me. don’t you ever touch me,” you seethe, ripping yourself out of his grip as if the mere feeling of his hands on you burns through your skin, and he staggers backwards. he keeps his arm somewhat outstretched, though. just in case you change your mind.

“don’t leave like this. i-i don’t want you to get hurt.” not again.

“what’s it matter to you?” you sneer. “you didn’t care before, so i won’t waste my life on you ever again.” his eyes widen in terror, and tears fall even more profusely than they already were. you begin to leave, but to your regret—and to his anguish, the angriest part of you forces you to turn around and face him again.

“do you want to know what my last thought was?” you ask, face mostly blank besides the slight traces of disdain in your eyes, and he’s too terrified to move or even speak at all. he knows whatever you say will be something that breaks him, so he tries to shrink himself to be as small as possible; subconsciously praying that doing so will make him disappear in the face of your anger. still, your eyes remain locked on his face—narrowing in on him regardless of his efforts. “it was of you, actually. i was wishing i’d never met you.” he visibly flinches as he gasps sharply, feeling like you just knocked the air out of his lungs. he feels like he can’t breathe. it would have felt better if you had just ripped his heart out of his chest, because as it is, it’s aching so badly, he wishes you had.

his lips tremble, and he looks like he’s just heard the worst news of his life. and he has. you hate him that much? you regret all of the time you had together to the point of wishing it had never happened? he’s never, ever regretted a moment he’s spent with you, but he guesses your company has always been better than his. how could it not be? you’ve always given him more than he could ever reasonably ask for, and even if you hadn’t, you’re still a much better person than he is. better to the extent of making him realize just how unworthy he is.

he lets you leave, but his anxiety makes him frantically pace about the room. he tugs at his hair, willing himself to calm down, but he just can’t. after a few minutes, he texts you and asks if you made it home. to his relief, it says that you’ve read the message, so he knows you must be okay. still, you don’t respond.

the deal is tied up exceptionally smoothly; you’ve done it before, after all, so that comes as no surprise. on the night of the celebratory dinner, you take mingi as your date. you’ve already told him that you don’t see things panning out, but he actually takes it really well. maybe telling him that you’re planning on moving helped smooth things over. still, he insists that you accompany him to the dinner, just as friends. you oblige.

it’s mostly the same as you remember. you spend the night mixing with your coworkers for the last time, and it’s bittersweet. they don’t know that this will be the last time you see them, as your two weeks before resignation have already passed in secret, and you’ll spend the next few weeks just packing and finding a new place to stay far, far away from here. it’s freeing, in a way.

at some point, your manager announces that he’ll be making a toast, and the room quiets as everyone’s attention is placed on him.

“firstly, i’d like to celebrate the success of this collaboration. everyone has worked hard to make everything come to fruition. secondly, i’d like to recognize two of the people who made this possible.” he specially thanks you and beomgyu, which is normal, but the unexpected happens when he voices his regret that you’ll be resigning.

your coworkers look at you in shock, but one person in particular is especially stunned. beomgyu. your manager probably thanks employees of the other company, too, but he doesn’t hear it. other voices, other people, are drowned out by the buzzing in his ears. you’re leaving, and it's all because of him.

he tries to drown his feelings in alcohol, stomach burning with every round, but the regret never seems to numb. the room seems to be spinning, and he looks visibly ill. eventually, a familiar figure takes a seat next to him. ah. his previous fiancée.

“hey,” she says, somewhat coyly. he doesn't respond. “wow, are you okay? you look a little green. how are you getting home?” again, he doesn't respond. she actually appears to be embarrassed, but she tries one more time.

“i actually—i came over here because you're really… cute. if you don't have a way home, i can take you. i won't try anything on you, but i can't just let you go home alone. and maybe, you know, when you're sober, we can—”

“beat it,” he snaps. he knows it’s not her fault, and that she hasn’t done anything, but he still can’t help his resentment, even when it should all be directed towards himself. but his recognition of his unfairness isn’t enough for him to care. she blinks in surprise and embarrassment, rising from her seat in defeat.

beomgyu continues to drink until he’s on the verge of passing out, putting his face in his hands. he draws attention from everyone, but he doesn’t have the mind to care. people try to approach him, but he flatly rejects everyone who attempts to offer their help in order to ensure that he gets home safely.

“should you… should you take him home?” mingi asks. it’s obvious who he’s referring to.

“it’s not my problem,” you reply, a bit more curtly than you intended.

“you’re right, it’s not. but you’re the only one he’ll listen to, and i think you know that.” mingi argues. you sigh. he’s right. as much as you want to blame beomgyu for everything, you’ve come to realize that after the conversation—more like confrontation—you two had, you’re not angry anymore. it was hard to see in the moment, but you’ve begun to question your merciless stance towards him. isn’t it partially your fault that things turned out the way they did? he didn't make you check your phone that day, so isn’t it unfair to completely blame him for everything?

with this in mind, you approach him. he initially bats you away, assuming you’re just another one of his coworkers, but your voice pulls him out of his drunken stupor.

“c’mon. i’ll take you home.” his head whips up in surprise, and he almost thinks you’re joking, but your face is completely serious.

“o-okay,” he replies, sounding extremely docile. you don’t respond, but you begin to walk ahead of him as you head to the exit. he’s having a hard time even following you as he clumsily staggers through the crowd, following you like a lost puppy. hesitantly, he reaches out for your hand, though the fear of you telling him not to touch you remains. you turn back to see his fingers hesitantly outstretched to your hand, and with a look of resignation, you let him grab it as you lead him out.

the ride to his home is a silent one. beomgyu rests his head upon the cold window as he stares at the scenery outside. he doesn’t really take anything in, far too dazed to appreciate the view, but he looks, anyway.

when you enter his apartment, begrudgingly letting him lean on you for support, you take him to his bedroom. he plops down onto his bed in an unnaturally clumsy manner.

“th-thanks for taking me home,” he says meekly.

“mm,” you reply, no inflection of emotion in your tone, getting ready to leave and head to your apartment.

“w-wait! can you… can you stay here tonight?” you look at him doubtfully, but before you can resolutely deny him, he begins to retch. with widened eyes, you pull him up and drag him to his bathroom. he hunches over the toilet and lets everything go. he’s trembling after he’s finished, and you clean him up as best as you can. he melts into your touch as you gently wipe his face. you’re not soothing him with your words like you would’ve a few months ago, but your care, no matter how unwilling you seem to give it, is something he revels in. he brushes his teeth, but he keeps his eyes on your pensive reflection in the mirror. after he's finished, you speak.

“i’ll stay,” you tell him.

“w-what?” he questions, eyes watery.

“i’ll stay for tonight. i’ll take the couch. i just don’t want to leave you when you’re feeling like this. it’s dangerous.”

“n-no! you can stay in the guest room.”

“i need to be able to hear you if something happens,” you argue.

“th-then i’ll sleep on the couch. i don’t want you to—”

“beomgyu, you need to properly rest. if you don’t sleep in your room, i’ll leave.” his face crumbles before he acquiesces with a strained nod.

“good,” you say with a ghost of a smile at his blind obedience, but he's too drunk to notice it. if he had, he would’ve clung to it like a man drowning.

“thank you,” he solemnly whispers.

“goodnight, beomgyu.”

“goodnight,” he says, and you rifle through his drawer for some clothes before heading to his living room and changing. you pull out spare blankets from his linen closet before sliding onto his couch.

you sleep rather peacefully, but beomgyu has no such luck. instead, he's pulled into a dream—one he comes to realize is a memory.

when beomgyu arrives at the coroner’s office, there is a moment, albeit brief, that he sickly hopes that it’s literally anyone else in the world, but when he sees you—body mangled nearly beyond recognition—he realizes that there is no such mercy. apparently, you didn't even die on impact, but by the time somebody reached you, you were already gone. he doesn't want to imagine how you must've felt, being alone in your last moments, but he feels like he should. against the warnings of the coroner and surrounding police officers, he demands for your face to be uncovered. he can surely identify you based on frame and clothing alone, but for reasons he doesn’t dare to dwell on, he feels like he just has to see. he just has to be sure. he just has to know what he did to you.

and he does come to know it. to his eternal regret, he begins to know it at that moment, and consequently, every moment after. as it turns out, they suspect that you were looking at your phone before you swerved off of the road. he doesn’t know how, but he’s instinctively sure that it’s because you were waiting on his call. one resounding thought thrums incessantly in his head: it’s all his fault, all his fault, all his fault.

your face is bloody, barely even showing any of the underlying skin, and marred from shattered glass. he swallows thickly as he reaches out to touch you, running his hands over the gashes on your face as softly as he can as to avoid hurting you, and he can’t help but wonder if it’s at all possible for him to tend to your wounds. he would go over single one, softly patching you up back to normal; but you're already cold to the touch, and though you definitely can’t feel anything, his mind imagines how much it must hurt to have him caress the gaping wounds on your face. he snatches back his hand, as if his touch is poison to you.

“s-sorry, i’m really sorry!” he panickedly exclaims. “i-i won’t—i didn’t mean to hurt you.” he’s unsure if he means that in the current physical or the previous emotional sense, but does that really matter? he already has. besides, you can’t feel anything anymore. all of your muscles are relaxed, leaving you devoid of any expression as your eyes hollowly stare up at the ceiling. for a moment, he wishes the hurt he saw in them a mere hour ago was still there. anything would be better than the current blankness of your features.

the blankness remains, however, even after all of the makeup and superficial repairs done to make you look like you’re only peacefully asleep. to him, you just look dead, no matter how badly he wishes the former were the case. as much as he wants to speak at your funeral, he does not. he doesn't deserve the dignity to speak, much less to properly mourn you. not after what he said to you. not when everything that's happened is all his fault.

the breakup with his girlfriend—or fiancée—is more bothersome than he can handle. in between her pleas and attempts to reason, all he can do is coolly recite the constant refrain: “i’m sorry, i just don’t want to be with you.” she tells him he’s just grieving, that he’ll get over it with time, and she wants to support him while he does it; but he montonously repeats his words as if they're the only ones he knows. in her anger and desperation, she tells him he’s making a mistake, and that he’s just feeling guilty because of your unrequited love, which ultimately proves itself to be the categorically worst thing to say. he finally explodes, telling her that she was the mistake, that he doesn't know what he ever saw in her that even closely compares to you, and he'd take every moment with her back if he could. she's the biggest regret of his life, which previously felt like it had only just begun, but now feels like it stretches far beyond what he can tolerate.

in the days, weeks, months that follow, he struggles to understand how something so unjust could occur. it doesn't make sense. really, it just doesn't make sense. eventually, even his initially patient friends grow weary of his neurotic harping upon how unfair it is, how sudden and wrong it all is. he should be punished. you shouldn’t have had to be the one to suffer, but you were. what kind of justice is that? what kind of universe allows something so cruel to happen right under its nose?

when everyone finally tells him that it’s time to move on and let go, he resorts to speaking to the only person who can’t argue back. you. he visits you every day, bringing you gifts on christmas and your birthday, and even just when he sees something he think you'd like. in a way, they’re almost like sacrifices to you to atone for what he did. his contrition. he spends many of his visits by raving like a man gone mad at a stone slab. he likes to think that you’re agreeing with him, that you see the unfairness for what it is. he’s realized that he loves you, has always loved you, but he was too self-absorbed to notice. as hypocritical as it is, he’s only noticed after you… left, and he’s more disgusted by himself than he ever thought possible. still, he thinks you deserve to know. you deserve for him to be brave and tell the truth, but who cares? what’s the use of only recognizing it after everything he’s done?

he apologizes to you while crying about how much he misses you. he tries to tell you about other things, too. about the things he thinks you would’ve liked to hear. about current events he decides you’d find funny or interesting, about life updates on your friends that you’d want to know, about how a new album has been released by an artist you really liked, and that he can't quite bring himself to listen to it yet. he’ll definitely listen, though, someday. he’ll give you his opinions after describing each track in great detail, once he’s able to bear it, that is. you always look(ed) forward to their releases, so it’s the least he can do to repay his debt to you.

but if you owe someone a debt as deep as their life, how can you repay that debt when they’re no longer here to collect it? if he really thinks about it, there are a lot of things he owes you. he owes you the years you spent caring about him when he couldn’t be bothered to reciprocate a fraction of the same courtesy. he owes you every thoughtful action, every encouraging word you wasted on him. he owes you the time you dedicated to make sure he always felt seen, felt understood, felt loved. yes, he owes you a lot of things—too many to properly account for, actually. and now, he even owes you your life. his debt is so heavy, he crumbles under it every day, squirming pathetically beneath the crushing weight of it all like an insect. the worst part is: he owes you more than you ever asked him for. all you wanted in return was honesty, but it appears that even that was too much to ask from him.

he wishes you were here to punish him, to scorn him for being such a fucking bastard. yell at him, hit him, kill him. anything would be fine—he’d tolerate it all—just as long as you were still here. he’d be perfectly content with your hatred, he’d revel in it, even; but he supposes that he doesn’t even deserve that much. as it is, your silence is the most punishment he can receive, but that doesn't feel like it's even close to enough. he finds himself praying for mercy, for some bizarre, cosmic event to put him out of his misery once and for all. he indulges in the idea that if he plays his cards right, if he begs and pleads enough, he’ll find you again. such a notion is initially enough to placate him, but it is to his horror when he realizes that he’s more afraid of that than anything else. what if he finds you, and you tell him, “i never want to see you again,” just like before? such a terrifying outcome is enough to keep him from snuffing out his own light with his own two hands for good. he’d rather live as if he were dead than hear those words again.

so he does. he lives like that for years, decades, until death mercifully takes him. he lives quietly and utterly alone. no wife, no children, and hardly any friends. if your life was robbed from you by his actions, then it’s only right that he lives as if his own were robbed from him, too. it’s the least he can do to atone for what he’s done. what keeps him up at night, though, is the possibility that it’s just not enough. if you do meet him again, what will you say? will you still tell him that you don't want to see him? that the lifetime he spent regretting everything he's ever done pales in comparison to the price you paid for caring about him? as the darkness overcomes him, however, he realizes that you deigning to say anything at all to him is better than your unbearable silence. his final thought before he's swallowed whole is: please, just let me see you one more time.

beomgyu awakens in a cold sweat, panting heavily as he struggles to understand where he is. is he still alive? that can’t be right—he clearly felt himself slipping away. but what if he can’t die? what if that’s his punishment? the thought alone is enough to elicit a guttural, “no, no, no!” out of him as he realizes that his nightmare is not yet over, and may very well never be. tears pour down his face as he wails like a child.

“beomgyu?” you say as you walk through the doorway, looking somewhat sleepy and disheveled in clothes he subconsciously registers as his own. when he looks at you, he's relieved, but the regret he feels is what overwhelms him.

“oh, god. i'm—it's all my fault.”

“what?” you ask, still a bit disoriented from just waking up, seeing as how it's still the middle of the night.

“it's all my fault. it's all my fucking fault. i did that to you.” suddenly, you realize what he’s saying, and your heart clenches at his words.

“beomgyu, no. i was distracted. i didn’t see—”

“you were distracted because of me. you thought i was calling you, i just know it. you were there because of me. because i’m a fucking coward who couldn't just tell you the truth.” you don’t know what to say. did he really blame himself for everything? even after all of this time? before you can answer, he speaks again.

“i saw—you just looked so small. i've never—i didn't even think anyone could bleed that much. you were so cold, a-and your face was—”

“hey, hey, hey, stop it,” you say firmly, but gently, “you're not—”

“they said you died at the scene, all… all alone. and i know i was the one who did that. if i had just listened to you, if i had just been honest with you, you would've been alright. but i called you crazy. i said you were being stupid. w-why did i say that? what did i do it for?”

“look at me,” you say firmly, which makes his unfocused eyes zero in on you. “listen, listen to me. it's not your fault, okay? i used to feel like it was, but now i understand that you were scared. i know you couldn't control how you felt about her, and you were right about you not owing me your feelings. you could've been honest, but that doesn't mean you killed me.”

“no, i did it. i did it. i did that to you. if i had just—”

“gyu,” you sigh, and his heart can’t help but stutter at the nickname you haven’t called him in months. “i’m telling you it’s not your fault. i used to blame it all on you, and i was wrong for doing that. but you get it now, right? you're supposed to be with her. you love her.”

“no, no, no! i don't. i really don't,” he desperately exclaims, trying to convince you in the only way he knows how.

“maybe not yet,” you concede, “but you will. once you get to know her, you'll want to spend the rest of your life with her. that's how it's supposed to be, just like before.”

“there is no before,” he cuts in pleadingly. “i lived and died alone, just like i deserved. i just—i love you so much, i couldn't stand to let you go.” you frown at his words—they make you actually feel guilty. even so, you guess that it's time to let the purgatory you find yourselves in go. besides, maybe he needs an apology to finally put it all to rest.

“i'm sorry that—” his heart drops to his stomach. please don’t say it. he’s begging you not to say it. not to someone as unworthy and filthy as him.

“don't. please, please, don't apologize to m—”

“—i made you feel that way. even when i hated you, i never wanted you to live like that; but you can't mistake guilt for… something else. maybe this is another chance to get it right. you can be with her guilt-free, and i can live without regrets.”

“no, i-i didn’t break up with her because of guilt! i did it because i realized that if it’s not you, i don’t want it to be anyone else. it can’t be anyone else.”

“you don’t know that,” you sigh. “you think you feel that way, but you’re just sad that things ended how they did.”

“you’re wrong!” he exclaims. “i didn’t realize it—i was too stupid to realize it. and i know it’s disgusting of me, but i only… i only understood it after i lost you. i-i’m sorry i didn’t realize it before, but please don’t tell me how i feel. i spent every day wishing i would just fucking die so i could see you again. i just couldn’t stand living without you. that’s not normal—that’s not how friends feel, no matter how guilty they are. i just wanted to die.” you purse your lips at his words as you feel dread pooling in your stomach. at least when you died, you didn’t suffer for long, but he suffered for the rest of his life. in the same way, you didn’t want him to hurt himself, no matter how angry you were.

beomgyu has begun to hyperventilate, but he doesn’t take his eyes off of you—too afraid that you’ll disappear if he does. he’s probably having a panic attack as tears stream down his face, and he ruthlessly tugs at his hair in pure distress. all he can do is repeat that it's all his fault and how sorry he is, and any lingering resentment you may feel dissipates like smoke at his absolutely shattered state. it seems like he really can't live without you, so are you sure you can abandon him like this? you don't think so. although it may not be right, you still think that it's worth a shot. you don't think he has the capacity to hurt you ever again, and you realize that even after everything, you don't think you can love somebody the way that you love him. so, you're willing to let him try again.

“hey, hey. stop it,” you coax, seating yourself on his bed. but he can’t stop it, he physically can’t. he’s whimpering now, like a wild beast with a mortal wound. you don’t hesitate to take him into your arms, holding him tightly as you shush him. “shh, it’s okay, i’m here. don’t cry. i’m here, and i won’t leave again. i promise. just breathe, in… then out. that’s it, just like that. good job.”

eventually, his breath begins to even out, though his body is still racked with shudders. you’re here. you’re okay. you promised that you won’t leave him, and you always keep your word when it comes to him. he finally feels like he can breathe, and even though he’s in so much pain, he still wishes this moment will never end. he wishes he could stay in your arms forever, never letting you leave his side. always staying where he can reach you.

“better?” you ask, pulling away to get a good look at him, but he shakily grips your sleeve in sheer desperation. he just has to be touching you, somehow. he forces himself to nod.

“good,” you say, eyes soft and lips slightly upturned in relief. he almost loses it again at the sight of your smile, no matter how small. he never thought he’d see it directed towards him again in this life or the next. “do you want to start over?”

“s-start over?” he asks. he doesn't dare to let himself hope that you mean what he thinks you mean.

“start over,” you nod. “we can try again, okay?”

“oh, p-please,” he begs. he’s so pathetic. he doesn’t deserve your mercy, but he supposes he’s too selfish to reject it. you look at him for a long, long time with soft eyes. you’re not angry anymore—he’s suffered more than enough, and you finally believe that he loves you just as much as you love him, and maybe even a little more than that.

“you promise you won't hurt me again?”

“i promise. i swear to god—”

without a second thought, you gently cup his face in your hands, which makes his words catch in his throat. his eyes widen as you lean in while pulling him towards you. when your lips meet, he’s electrified to his bones. he melts into the kiss, whimpering slightly at the feeling of your lips against his. when you break apart, you rest his forehead on his own, closing your eyes as he stares at you before he does the same. he clutches the hand you have on his face and grazes his thumb over it as he lets out a contented sigh. nobody has ever made him feel this way before, and if he could go back to the first day he met you, he’d tie you to him immediately.

“thank you, thank you so much,” he whispers. with a smile, you press your lips against his again. he falls into the feeling just as easily as the first time, and you push him down before continuing to go even deeper. before completely giving in.

you spend the night loving and being loved in a way that you never thought you could. you feel cherished to a degree you previously considered impossible. beomgyu reveres you as if you’re his god, and he shows you as much with how loving and gentle he is. when you’re finished, panting heavily against each other, he holds his hand against your cheek as he stares at you in awe.

“i missed you so much. i love you so much. i promise that nobody will ever love you as much as i do. i promise that nobody will ever treat you as well as i will. just don’t leave me, okay?” and when the time comes, even if you do leave first, he’ll be sure to follow you. he won't let you be alone ever again. but he definitely can’t tell you that, or else you’d yell at him for not caring about his life enough.

“okay,” you tell him with a sleepy smile, and he beams before kissing your forehead and letting you drift off. he stares at your peaceful face, resolving to always give you what you want, no matter what it costs him. even if it kills him, he'll gladly do whatever it takes to ensure that you're happier with him than you could ever be with anyone else. he'll prove to you how much he loves you, and he'll pay back the debt he owes you a million times over. you'll see. he’ll marry you, start a new life with you, and chain himself to you forever; which may sound selfish, but he’ll make up for his willfulness by being everything you could ever want and need. and finally, before he joins you to sleep, he thanks the universe for having mercy on him—for letting him see you again.

notes pt. 2: ... so? LMAOOOOO i hope this was worth the wait bc this work was so hard for me to get through it was making me so sad to write it. anyway, love yew. please don't be mean to me tho like if u don't like it just close your eyes n scroll 🙏

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xclowniex · 2 days ago

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They're already blaming the wildfires on jews

The fact that they're saying that bombs are causing the wildfires and will continue to cause climate change by saying that the US is funding climate collapse.

And I do agree with part of what she said, climate reparations do need to be paid to indigenous communities. But to paint Israel as causing all these serious climate events is ridiculous.

This is going to be long as I do the math and show my maths but I show my maths to prove I'm not pulling numbers out of my arsehole.

The war hasn't produced enough emissions to be a main cause of climate change.

The only figures we have are for the first 120 days of the war. 450,000 tonnes of greenhouse gasses were released. This include emissions from both Israel and Hamas, using both military operations and infrastructure to come to thay conclusion.

Assuming it stays at the same level 1,350,000 or 1 million and 350 thousand tonnes for those who prefer bigger numbers written.

According to the World Meteorological Organization, total emissions projected at the end of 2024 per data published November 2024 was 41.6 billion tonnes. This is a compounded figure so to find out emissions released in 2024 alone, we'd need to subtract 2023 compounded figure (37.4b) from 2024 estimated compounded figure. This is figure is 4.2 billion.

So to take the figure of the war emissions estimate for 1 year and find out the percentage of total emissions 2024, it makes up 0.03% of total emissions.

No 2024 breakdown for each country has been publish so by using 2023 figures and assuming the percentages are similar to 2024, here are some but very much not all, of the countries which had higher emissions than the war for 1 year

Chad, Maldives, Togo, niger, Madagascar, Haiti, Congo, Iceland, Mauritius, Namibia, Albania, Papa New Guinea, New Caledonia, Afghanistan, Nicaragua, Burkina Faso, Jamaica, Armenia, Cyprus, Uganda, etc.

153 countries/autonomous territories had more emissions than the war in the span of a year.

And it honestly is more. The percentages only go as low as 0.01% before it taps out and puts then at zero.

160 countries if we go by tonnes, released more emissions than the war in the span of a year.

So even if all the emissions were from Israel with the war emissions, it still isn't a lot.

If we talk about the increase, so how much the emissions affected total emission increase. The best figure is also from the world metrological organization is 0.4 billion aka 400 million tones.

The war emissions was literally 0.33% of the total increase. 398,650,000 emissions were still released more than last year excluding the wars contribution.

There is no ecocide done by Israel.

And I also find it insulting that she compares the LA wildfires to Gaza and says they're going through the same thing.

Do not get me wrong, my heart does go out to all of those affected by the fire.

But you're telling me, that (per figures earlier today) 7 people killed and 10,000 structures (including cars) damaged is the same as the destruction and lives lost in Gaza.

You have to be joking.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Whilst I support Israel existing and it does have a right to defend itself, the Israeli government has gone too far.

I've also said it before but I'll say it again - two things can both be horrendously bad and still have quantifiable measures of which was more destructive and caused more harm.

The LA fires are bad and what's happening in Gaza is also bad. Both are bad and deserve attention.

But to act like the damages caused by the fire is the same as Gaza??????? Absolutely cooked behavior please get off the internet forever.

#jumblr #antisemitism #israel #i/p #jewblr #palestine #i/p war #gaza #los angeles #los angeles fire

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g4rvez-r3id · 1 day ago

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Protector

Boyfriend!Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Synopsis: You and Spencer have been together a few months and he’s beginning to notice how often you keep your guard up and he converses with you about his concerns and so you tell him why you act the way you do.

Category: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: established relationship, spencer being a concerned bf, mentions of past physical assault, reader has ✨trauma✨, crying, kissing, mention of past trauma, dark humor (?), spencer lowkey doesn’t get dark humor, it’s cutesy towards the end, lowkey projected here sorry y’all

Author’s Note: hey lovelies! so i wanted to write another personal one-shot, i wanted to share my own personal experience on here so please tread this lightly :) i hope y’all like this one because this one did truly come from the heart. <3

He noticed it after leaving Rossi’s mansion one night. Spencer’s team had invited you out to dinner. You’d only been dating just a few months but they’d heard all about you from your dear old, doting boyfriend and were eager to meet you.

His colleague, author David Rossi had told your boyfriend to invite you to dinner over in his big mansion. You’d almost said no, that maybe it was too soon but Spencer encouraged you and well, he was good at doing that.

He’d met you at your workplace, a bookstore no less. He’d been looking for a copy of Slaugherhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. when he’d spotted you in your natural habitat, putting more books on the shelves, dressed in an outfit you’d been comfortable in topped with converse and he was hooked.

He started coming up with excuses, just to see you and even had the courage to talk with you about where to find certain despite his excellent memory but you didn’t need to know about that, yet.

Eventually, you’d figured him out and decided to ask him out on a date to put an end to his misery.

And since then, you’d been going steady for just a few months. And it was an understatement to say that these had been the happiest few months of both of your lives.

However, there were still things you needed to figure out about each other.

Like, when it came to Spencer’s job, you knew to be supportive and realize that you weren’t the only person in the world that needed Spencer Reid. Or that you loved the winter season despite not being a big fan of Christmas.

But this was something new and something he wasn’t sure if he should be concerned about. When you left Rossi’s mansion that night with Spencer, arm in arm with him, you held your breath and kept looking around in the streetlights. He noticed it on the way into Rossi’s place as well. Spencer had parked a little far than intended but assured it wasn’t too far but you seemed to have another thing on your mind.

Eventually, Spencer brushed it off and chalked it up to you being anxious to meeting Spencer’s team.

But then it happened again. You’d both gone to the grocery store at eight o’clock, wanting to get snacks for the sleepover you’d wanted with him after a long hard week of work on both ends.

And the whole time you’d been shopping with Spencer, you’d been looking at the other customers and even tensed up on the way out at an older man sitting on a bench nearby with a grumpy look etched on his face. Spencer had also noticed how you clutched your taser in your hand until you both got to the car that night.

He’d asked you if you were okay but you gave him a small smile and assured to him — “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I’m just not used to going anywhere at night.”

And he’d had his answer. You didn’t like going anywhere at night. It was as simple as that.

But just to be sure it was nothing more, he began to secretly study you. And this was where he started to get concerned.

He began to notice how you often clutched his arm tightly while you two walked in the park and were by yourselves. He also noticed how you took your taser everywhere you went. And how you constantly looked over your shoulder, even if you were in a group of people. He also noticed how you never strayed far, keeping close to a big group and never went alone anywhere — unless it was work and even then, you took your taser with you.

Spencer even decided to ask Morgan to see if there was anything he could give him advice on and even Morgan didn’t know how to respond to that. “To be honest, I’ve never dealt with anything like that. The best thing you should do is just talk to her. See what’s up.”

So, Spencer waited. He waited until it happened again. And it did, you’d met up with him after work since you were going to his place tonight and you surprised him by going to the bureau — since Penelope had wanted to see you and who are you to deny the sweetest woman in the goddamn world?

He’d led you both back to the parking garage. And he noticed how even though the parking garage was empty, you still kept your guard up and kept looking over your shoulder.

So, as he drove back to his place in your car — he told you he was driving, no questions asked — he struggled with how to begin the conversation. You could tell something was up by the way he kept staring at you in the car. But he didn’t say a word.

And then, you both arrived back to his apartment and he still couldn’t say anything to you. I mean, he was talking to you but there was something behind his eyes that was holding something back.

It wasn’t until you both sat down on his couch, watching a movie and catching him stare at you every few minutes that you paused the movie and finally asked him what’s wrong.

Spencer crinkles his brows together, “What? Noth-Nothing’s wrong.” He tells.

“You’ve been staring at me since we left your workplace. And normally, I appreciate your gaze but right now, it’s freaking me out.” You explain and Spencer looks down, he never really did have a good poker face and he’d been known to slip up quite a few times. “Tell me what’s wrong?”

Spencer opens his mouth but you rake your fingers through his chocolate locks and all rational thought seems to go out the window. But he knows that you guys need to have this conversation since you’ve confronted him on it now.

“Are you… okay?” Spencer starts subtly, hoping on this being a way to start the conversation about your recent behavior he’s noticed.

“I am great, Spencer. Are you okay?” You ask with a small smile. A smile he loves seeing on your face. A smile he appreciates and wants to see everyday. A smile he envisions seeing every night before he goes to bed. He nods, “I’m okay. It’s just…”

Spencer sighs and maybe it’s just time to rip off the bandaid. It’s time that you two need to talk about this like adults. Because this has gone on for too long and he’s starting to become worried.

“You’ve been acting a little… squirrelly lately. And I can’t help but notice that… every time we go somewhere at night, you’re more…” Guarded? Nervous? “On edge,” He chooses. “And you hold onto me a lot when we’re both out and— not-not that I’m complaining about that, I love when you do that but… I’m just starting to grow a little concerned because— I like you a lot. And I just want you to feel like you can talk to me if something is bothering you.”

You look at Spencer and you can tell he’s genuinely concerned and really does care about you. You’re kind of flattered that he’s noticed a lot about your behavior, despite it being a little troubling. You know it can be to other people. You’d avoided having this conversation with him, not wanting to burden him with it like other people have claimed that you have in the past. The people that had you’re no longer friends with anymore.

You sigh and you know that maybe it is best to talk to him about it. Spencer had never been one to judge and you knew that he would never ever say anything negative about your fears — however, the fear that he’d think you were overreacting was scary to face. Especially when Spencer was such a logical person already. But he wanted to know and maybe it’s best to speak out your truth.

“Okay, okay, okay,” You sit up a bit and he does the same. “But please do not say I’m overreacting or being overdramatic because I’ve dealt with that too many times already and I can’t handle it from you either.” You find yourself telling him and he shakes his head assuringly, “I’d never think that.”

You take a deep breath and look at him and all you can see on his face is adoration and concern and hopefulness. “Okay, uh…” Where do you start? “When I was sixteen, I… went to this Halloween party. And… it was my first party so I was excited. I went with a few friends and… only one of us knew how to drive at the time, so they went to go drop another one of our friends off because of her curfew and was going to come back.”

“Well, while she was gone, the party got raided by cops and a lot of people left. It was just me and this one friend standing on the sidewalk waiting for our friend to come back. But while we were waiting…” You pause, the memories coming back like a floodgate and you close your eyes. It was not a happy time in your life and you blocked it out of your memory for good reason.

Spencer could see you getting worked up about it and he puts his hand on your thigh, grounding you in a way you can’t explain. “You don’t have to do this or explain it to me if you don’t want to.” You shake your head, “No, you should know.”

Spencer almost pulls his hand away but you hold him there and he lets you, knowing that maybe you need to physical touch right now.

“We were waiting and this car… stopped right in the middle of the road and three people came out of the car, a girl and a couple of guys and they were all wearing these clown masks and… they tried to take our stuff. I thought it was just some joke so I just told my friend to ignore them and walk away but…” You pause once more and Spencer waits patiently for your sentence.

“The girl punched me. Hit me right in the nose.” Spencer winces at this, hating to imagine your pain in that moment. And he almost doesn’t want to hear the rest of the story. “Luckily, I didn’t go down. I, uh, almost tried to hit her, actually. But I didn’t know what she had, a knife, a gun… so I told my friend to run. And we both ran. That was the fastest I probably ever ran in my life. And there were these people nearby that heard us yelling and they helped us. All I remember is… my devil costume and… my nose bleeding all over my outfit. I don’t think I ever wore that skirt again.” Spencer’s heart physically hurts from that sentence alone.

“For a minute there, I felt weak. And… scared. I didn’t go anywhere alone for a while and it was bad. That friend ended up telling everyone what happened when I wanted to keep it quiet.” Spencer knows that your fierce nature never goes unnoticed by him. You were so tough, so free-willed. When you had issues with customers, they were often dealt with by your attitude and to put it lightly, you were a badass. To hear that you were vulnerable at one point made him sad because that wasn’t who he knew you as and he hated that someone made you feel weak.

“Did anyone ever find those people that did that to you?” Spencer asks, his tone calm and steady. You shake your head, “I told my parents and we filed a police report but… no one ever caught ‘em. Not to my knowledge anyway.” You inform.

“But I’ve gotten better with it, but I still keep my guard up. I hate that I have to look over my shoulder every time I’m out of the house, I hate that I have to take my taser everywhere I go, I hate dealing with this. But it’s my everyday life.” You tell and Spencer looks from the ground to you. “Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?”

“I just… didn’t want to be a burden on you,” You sigh. “And I felt like I didn’t need to say anything because most people don’t get it. Some actually laugh because of how I phrase it.”

“How you phrase it?” Spencer asks, clearly confused because what’s so funny about someone attempting a mugging on somebody? “I always say… I almost got mugged by a few clowns.” You find yourself sheepishly laughing but Spencer, however, doesn’t think it’s funny. “I just kinda started making a joke of it. I figure it’s the one thing I can do to deal with it. Dark humor, I guess.”

“I don’t think it’s funny,” Spencer said. “Something worse could’ve happened to you. It’s already bad enough you got punched in the face.” He explained.

“It was a really long time ago, Spencer. I’m okay, now.” You remind him and he takes a sharp sigh, “I know. I just hate the fact that you went through that. That everyone makes a joke of it, that no one else seems to care about the fact that you got hurt when I care so much about that because you deserved better than how you got treated.”

You take a deep breath and a weight is off of your shoulders. Part of you is glad you shared that with Spencer finally but another part of you is scared to be transparent with him about your fears. But the way he’s reacting sets all of those fears aside. He was the person you needed when you were sixteen and suddenly, you want to turn back time and tell your teenage self that everything is gonna be just fine.

“You’re such a sweet and good person,” Spencer takes his hands to your face, holding you lovingly and close. “I don’t understand why someone would want to hurt someone as sweet as you.” He mutters to you.

Suddenly, you fall forward, holding him tightly in a hug and he accepts the hug rather quickly holding you. He feels as your dig your face deep and droplets on his neck. Are you crying?

He pulls back and looks at you face, wiping your tears away with his thumbs. “I’m—I’m sorry,” You shake your head. “I don’t know why I’m crying…” Spencer gives you a soft look. “Sharing a truth, especially a difficult one, can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, leading to tears. It’s perfectly normal.” Spencer reminds you and you sniffle at this.

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” Spencer tells. “I know that wasn’t easy.” You nod, “You deserved to know. I know I’m not the easiest person to deal with but—” He interrupts you with a chaste kiss on your lips. He’s gentle and loving, in every way, shape and form. “You are very easy to love. Don’t you dare think otherwise.”

Spencer holds you close that night. You continued watching your movie and had fallen asleep on his shoulder and he kept his arm around protectively. He watched you as you slept, vowing to never let anything like what happened to you at sixteen, never happen to you again so long as he could help it. He’d protect you until the day he died. He’d take a bullet for you, catch a grenade for you, he’d sacrifice never speaking again if it meant saving you. He’d never let anyone hurt you or even dare to touch you.

And he’d wished to take your fears, your guard and your trauma away just to see you feel happy and carefree. He hates that it’s all so normalized with you because of what you went through. And he swears to make you feel as safe as you need to be while you’re out. He’ll start going to stores at night by himself, he’ll keep on being your knight in shining armor, he’ll keep being the protector you need him to be.

“I love you, Y/n,” He whispers, saying the words he’d dare not say until he was ready to say them to you. “And I will always protect you.”

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yandere-sins · 16 hours ago

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Hey everyone!

This is probably going to be my last update on this particular chapter of my life for all of you who have been so supportive and reached out to check on me ♥

I feel great!

Yeah, it's strange to say, even now, but I really do! Of course, I am not healed or "got rid" of my depression, but after some very hard set-backs and a few more panic attacks and mental breaksdowns, I had some really amazing therapy sessions! I worked through a lot of shit and got haunted by some very deep generational trauma and burdens that aren't mine to carry, but I made it through all of it and I'm glad that I had the chance!

I also got medicated, which honestly, is the biggest relief of them all. I tried to hold back for a long, long time but around week five I was so seriously messed up, had a major set back, and felt exactly like I did before I started in the clinic that I decided I had to make a quicker change or I might lose myself and the progress I made so far completely to the depression. I'm not against medications at all, but my self-worth was so bad that I didn't think I was deserving of something since it was "just a depression". Yeah... haha, I fooled myself very nicely there.

So, yeah. I am still depressed when I wake up. I still struggle to get up in the morning. It's nothing that goes away with a few sessions, there are still countless of hours of therapy waiting for me. But then I take the most basic antidepressiva that is given out by doctors and suddenly I feel like I can change the world! Sometimes it's scary just how much energy I actually posess, especially when I reflect on how much of myself the depression ate away. How little self-worth and confidence I had and how I was a living, talking corpse most of the time, desperately trying to get back to how I was. Sure, a bit of the praise goes to the pill I am having with my breakfast, but I made tremendous leaps ever since!

And I quit my job this week! Finally! :D

As for what's next, I don't know. Wednesday is my last day at the clinic and I won't start working before April, that is pretty sure for now! I'll do all the things I didn't get to last year, like get a new haircut, enjoy my vacation in March, have all sorts of check-up's and finally do what I want to do. I've already written a new story to post here, and I hope to finish some of my drafts and projects that are still open. I am actually so excited to have enough energy again to concentrate and work on things that are my passion and I love!

I'm happy to say life's good right now. I'm good. It was so fucking scary, I can't even tell you guys, and I'm so glad to be me again :')

I hope and pray that it stays this way, and I want to thank you all for your encouragements and love sent my way, it helped so much in all of this ♥ If anyone has questions or anything, I'd be happy to answer them because the topic can be so crazy scary and hopeless-looking, but I went through it and if I can share information and help someone, I'd be happy to!

I hope we get to spend a much better 2025 together! Thank you all! ♥

I have a small update on my life for those that have been following along for a while. I've been intensely battling my mental health the last two weeks, and it's gotten worse and worse through countless little instances. So I had an appointment with a psychiatrist for the first time who has referred me to a clinic I'm going to have to attend daily for the next ~6 weeks starting this upcoming friday.

I'm really scared of new things and stuff I have to learn but it's my life now. Don't get me wrong, it's also somewhat exciting but there's just so much fear and anxiety stored in me that makes it really hard to go through my life rn, so this clinic is also just scary in my mind.

Still, I'm hopeful that it'll help and bring me back on track so I can do the things I love, especially writing and even just simply enjoy living, which is really a struggle.

Either way, thank you guys for sticking around through the tougher times, and I have hopes that some stories will come to me while I go through different therapy sessions (and maybe medication) and it won't be as difficult to concentrate and write anymore!

#admin

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neunnnnnnn · 2 days ago

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SLEEP PARALYSIS IS YOUR BEST FRIEND+ LONG STORYTIME OF HOW I SHIFTED WITH IT ✨

Okay here me out as someone who has been "traumatised" during sleep paralysis ( I felt a hand go up my legs and I was wearing a night dress mind you) it's not actually as scary as you might think.

Because Sleep paralysis is when a person transitions between sleep stages, particularly from REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, during which the body is naturally paralyzed to prevent acting out dreams, into wakefulness.

It is harmless and I'm sorry to say this but those "shadows" that you see are actually a projection of your subconscious mind. What is it that's actually scaring you?

Is something that you should seek to discover or else you might be stuck and keep on waking up every time you feel an intense symptom or feeling. Journal it or whatever method you use and tell yourself that it's all in your head and that you are more powerful than that and most importantly you are safe.

Storytime

Okay so I was planning on doing an awake method and I decided to lay on my back since I sleep when I'm in a comfortable position. Anyway I got my subliminal and started counting. I counted till 100 then I started affirming I felt the usual symptoms; twitching, feeling really hot etc but then nothing was happening and was starting to get impatient. I told myself lemme just count the last time till 50 then I'll just go to sleep because I was also starting to get sleepy. I started counting then when I reached 15 I felt a pressure on my chest like something was pushing me down like aggressively but I told myself that I'm not going to get scared cause I thought I was shifting so I continued counting. I reached around 35 when my eyes opened on its own , I was so excited but when I looked around I was still in my room and I almost crashed out because I was so done atp 😭✋🏽. I tried to move but I couldn't and I could still hear the subliminal that's when I knew that I had sleep paralysis. Since I've never seen any "demons/shadows" I wasn't scared and I thought lemme try shifting to my Dr but I didn't specify which one and it still pisses me off to this day!!!

Anyway I started affirming that, " I'm in my Dr" over n over when suddenly my legs started floating and my eyes like shut themselves and I couldn't open them I started being scared because wth 😭. Anyway I just kept affirming and then I saw flashlights, it was like there were cameras flashing around my eyes . When suddenly everything stopped and my eyes opened by itself.

I noticed that I was in an all white room with white sheets and there was a woman next to me. I sat up because I was confused on which reality I was in and I looked at the woman and saw that it was Aurora ( the singer, I luv her sm😭) she was seated on the bed and was reading a book , she glanced at me and I immediately asked her which building are we in and she looked at me like I was fucking crazy and started saying that my jokes are turning to be pathetic, like huh?!?😭 Y'all I was so offended I had even forgotten that I had shifted for a second. I just decided not to argue with her and I looked outside the window on my left and it looked like the medieval times? I'm not sure and the buildings were like the old times designed . I looked down at myself and I saw that I was white ( I'm mixed) and that's when I was like, "Did I shift to a reality where I'm a white person?"( Oh and I was wearing a grandma nightdress 😭it was cute tho it was in baby pink) Immediately I stood up wanting to like know where the hell I was but then I couldn't move my legs like I couldn't lift them so I was just awkwardly standing there trying to lift them and Aurora sighed saying " How do you expect to walk after the night you just had?"

WHEN I TELL YOU MY JAW WAS ON THE FUCKING FLOOR I LITERALLY SCREAMED AT HER"WHAT?! " and she told me to shut up 😭. Anyway she said that 'he' told her to come up to check on me because I wasn't waking up!!! I was shocked and I just kept thinking " Did I just get fucked a few hours before I shifted here? What if I had shifted in the middle of it?!" My mind was so chaotic and I couldn't even think of anyone that could have been 'him'

Anyway Aurora came and pushed back on the bed telling me that I have to rest because I haven't really slept much but then I started feeling like my body was being pulled down and I knew that I was shifting back and started pleading to Aurora to help me up because I was not sleepy but she insisted and told me to sleep and that she'll be right back and then I woke up here.

I was in shock for like 5 minutes and I couldn't even leave the bed, I was feeling a little disoriented and nauseous, I also noticed that my body had moved positions to me laying on my side.

Hope this motivates you n that you don't need any genetics to shift that's a load of bullshit🚮, your cat can even shift if it could who knows . And this was to also show you that sleep paralysis isn't scary or bad and can actually be useful. I'm still not sure if you can manifest through it but I'll try next time and see✨.

This is what I Saw one woman wearing, not sure which time period this is.

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bitchface24-7 · 3 hours ago

Text

MALICIOUS COMPLIANCE - JAYVIK X READER

synopsis: Being a young woman in a STEM field is hard enough as it is, your insecure boyfriend makes it even more difficult. He can’t stand the fact you’re in a lab almost 24/7 with two incredibly handsome men. After a nasty breakup— you’re gonna make all his insecurities come true.

genre: m/m/f (no homo does NOT apply here)

warnings: bitch ass boyfriend oc, name-calling (by said oc), revenge plot, dom!viktor, servicetop!jayce, getting freaky in the lab, threesome, kissing, handjob, voyeurism, praise kink, slight cuckolding, edging, dom/sub dynamics, vaginal fingering, oral sex (m + f receiving), lap sex, big dick viktor, pet names, begging, vaginal sex, teasing, rough sex, dirty talk, creampie

wc: too long (I'm so sorry)

p.s. Some parts of the smut scene are inspired by "At the Emperors Word" by @le-fruit-de-la-passion (their work is amazing, you should definitely check it out!)

You’d think working on Hextech would be the most stressful part of your life. Getting monetary support from the council and the rich assholes of Piltover during galas being the most headache-inducing bit you have to trudge through.

Surprisingly it’s not.

It’s your boyfriend of almost two years that’s causing premature grey hairs.

In the beginning, everything was fine. It was good, to be honest! He was caring, sweet, and understanding of how much time and effort goes into Hextech, and how important this project is to you. Everything started to slowly change after you introduced him to your two work partners.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

One year ago

You’re so excited you can’t help but almost skip to the lab, your hands interlaced with your boyfriends. He’s smiling lightly at your attitude. You’ve always been a beacon of light to him, seeing you so excited to finally be able to combine your two worlds makes his excitement rise a bit to try and match your own. But it’s like comparing a minor star to the sun; almost incomparable.

Everyone’s schedules finally lined up so you can finally introduce your boyfriend to your two closest friends and colleagues; Jayce and Viktor. You had started as an assistant, but after you stayed behind one day; even helping Viktor and Jayce solve an equation that had them stumped for almost a week. They officially gave you a promotion after that.

The lab doors swing open and the sounds of tinkering fill the air. Everything slowly stops as your bright demeanour enters the room with a guy the two men have never seen before. This must be your boyfriend.

Jayce gets a rag to clean his hands with; it’d be rude to shake your boyfriend Cole’s hand with axel grease staining his fingers. Jayce’s glow matches yours, “Hey man! I’m Jayce and this is Viktor. Welcome to the lab!” As he gives Cole a firm handshake. During the introduction, Viktor had stopped his note-taking and slowly got up from his desk to join in the greetings.

“It’s taken long enough, no? We’ve heard so much about you; you’d think we were the ones dating you.”

You can’t help but snort out a laugh at that, “Viktor! Stop airing out my dirty laundry!”

The pretty scientist smirks, “There’s more where that came from.”

Jayce chuckles at your antics, looking at the both of you fondly. Cole’s smile slowly faded as his hand subconsciously tightened against Jayce’s, but Jayce barely felt it. Working in the forge for years has given him a steel grip, he barely feels Cole’s strength to begin with.

Right here in this joyful moment is where everything went wrong…

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Present day

Your irritation keeps spiking at Cole’s very pointed and passive-aggressive remarks as you try to get ready in the full length mirror connected to your closet.

“What? You get no days off?”

You subtly roll your eyes at the indignation in Cole’s voice. You’re a scientist, you’re currently working on technology that will change the world, and he’s moping that you have to go to work. Besides, you’re the one who plans everything to begin with. All the dates, the excursions, hell! You’re the main caretaker of your apartment. If Cole wants you to take a day off; he can show some initiative.

It’s the same thing day in and day out, and you’re getting sick of it. You just tune him out now as you put on your black slacks, black button down, academy vest, and black loafers.

You side eye him from the mirror, “If you want me to take a day off, give me a good reason to.”

Cole’s face gets nasty at that, “What? Give you a good reason not to slut around with your two work partners.” He says with two sarcastic air quotes around “work partners.”

“Excuse me. What the fuck did you just say to me?” Your eyes are widened and your jaw is clenched. Slut around?! Who the fuck does this man think he is?

He scoffs, “You heard me! You’re always with them! You’re with them more than you’re with me! You’ve gotta be fucking them; there’s no way you’re not! You’re not that smart, or that important to them! You were their assistant originally! Getting them coffee and shit, you must’ve sucked their dick to get where you are now!”

You swivel around so fast you’re worried you’re experiencing vertigo, “First of all, just because I have friends who are the opposite gender doesn’t mean I’m automatically fucking them. Secondly, I am an integral part of the team! I’ve solved equations, and runes, and built prototypes your puny little brain can’t even imagine! Don’t push your insecurities onto me just because you feel like a failure not only as a person, but as a man. Now get the fuck out of my apartment!”

He huffs from the bed and leaves in a hurry, not even attempting to destroy anything since Jayce is now a well known council member. You have the higher ground. Before he leaves fully you add salt to the injury, “And if I was fucking them I’d be a lot happier than I am now!”

The door to your apartment slams, and you feel nothing but bitter rage.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Jayce and Viktor are jolted from their work as the lab door slams open and you storm in like a furious tornado. You’re grumbling, your face is the angriest they’ve ever seen and your hair is a bit messy; as if you’ve constantly ran your hands through it. Definitely not the usual prim and proper look you go for.

Viktor looks concerned as Jayce bites the bullet and asks the most obvious question, “Are you okay?”

You whip around to look at them, your eyes piercing, “Do I look okay?!” Jayce raises his hands in surrender as Viktor cocks an eyebrow at your poisonous tone. You deflate, plopping down on your desk chair. Your elbows on the table as you run your hands over your face and through the top of your head, over your hair.

“I’m sorry Jayce… that was rude. I misdirected my anger onto you.”

Jayce comes over and puts a reassuring hand on your shoulder, his hand encompasses the whole thing, “I get it. It’s fine, but really… you okay?”

Your eyes water a bit as your voice wobbles out a small no.

Jayce’s breath hitches and Viktor lightly pushes his wheelie chair with his stronger leg to glide across the small space between your two desks; so he’s sitting in front of you now.

“What happened?” Viktor asks, his tone was both worried and firm. They’ve known you for years and they’ve never seen you this distraught before. It's upsetting to both of them.

Before you can answer, Viktor answers his own question with a snort, “It was Cole, wasn't it?” You huff lightly, Jayce’s hand tightens on your shoulder, “Was it that obvious?”

Jayce lightly grimaces, “He’s the only one who can rile you up like this.”

“You two rile me up just fine.”

“Not like him. He always… makes you upset.” Viktor chimes in, his tone final. His eyes are narrowed at the redness in your own eyes and downturned lips. You should always be smiling, and happy. Not distraught.

You deeply sigh, putting a hand up to cover Jayce's hand on your shoulder. He's warm; almost unnaturally so, he'd be a lovely cuddle partner in winter time, "Cole said some, unsavory comments... comment's revolving around the three of us."

Jayce's brows furrow as his lips thin in contemplation, Viktor rubs the tip of his nose and huffs a deep breath, "Let me guess, it was revolving around how close we all are and he made some derogatory comments about your station."

You snapped your fingers and casually pointed at him, "Got it in one, V."

"Are you kidding me?! What an asshole! You know I never liked him right?"

"Yes Jayce, I know you never liked him. You weren't subtle."

"He's a hard man to like," Viktor's accent rolls the r beautifully, "I don't understand why you dealt with him for so long. He was far beneath you in both station and intelligence. It's quite obvious we're just friends. You'd look much happier leaving the lab if we weren't."

"Viktor!" Jayce gasps, his eyes wide as he nervously bites his lower lip, "You can't just say stuff like that!"

Your laughter cuts through Jayce's worry, "No no Jayce, Viktor is one hundred percent right. I would've been happy and immensely satisfied leaving the lab, rather than me thinking I'd have an aneurism due to a pain in the ass calculation."

Viktor chuckles as Jayce chokes on some spit. Shit. No wonder he thought y'all were fucking. You guys are completely blurring the line between professional partnership and a proper partnership.

There's a comfortable silence between you three before Jayce blurts out, "We should get payback!" a hand quickly slaps over his mouth as you and Viktor look at him in curiosity. Both of your beautiful, sparkling eyes on him make his face flush a bit.

"What's your big idea Jayce?" Viktor purrs out as he places his chin on both his hands, elbows planted firmly on your desk. You almost feel bad for Jayce, that's a killer look.

Jayce looks away for a second before steeling himself, looking at you two directly, "The Progress Day Gala tonight. We can dress up, drink some alcohol, dance, really get under his skin."

Viktor hums, "This may be the one time I'm willing to go to one of these parties. This sounds interesting."

"He would be invited too. He's also important to the Academy, he's in the Humanitarians rather than STEM though. I think... I think this may work." You thoughtfully chime in, your tone becoming much lighter compared to before.

Jayce smiles, the little gap between his front teeth showing. Viktor just subtly smirks, "I hope you have something fancy enough for this."

"Don't worry," You state as you stand up, ready to work now. Jayce's hand falls from your shoulder, and lightly brushes down your back; you suppress a shiver, "I do. I hope you have something fancy enough, Viktor."

The handsome man just lightly smiles as he pushes himself back to his desk. Jayce follows you to the blackboard.

Revenge is a dish best served cold. Your revenge is gonna be pipping hot and steamy.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

You've had this dress hidden away in the back of your closet for a while now. Hidden away in a sleek duster bag is a beautiful black dress. With chains on the hips, waist, chest, and shoulders. It even comes with a matching necklace. The fabric is gorgeous, sleek, and comfortable. It's formfitting and when you bought it; you felt unstoppable.

You need that feeling again tonight.

You style your hair, it's glossy, framing your face wonderfully. A smoky eye with a darker lip than you're used to is applied to your face. You then spray your favourite fragrance all over yourself. A quick look in the mirror stuns you. You're gorgeous. You'll for sure have every eye at the gala on you, you don't know exactly how you feel about that. You'll deal with it when you get there.

You wonder how Jayce and Viktor will react to you. You have always cared about your appearance, but not to this extent. You always make sure you look nice, smell nice, and wear nice clothes that you feel comfortable in. But you almost look unrecognizable. You're not just “nice” right now, you're stunning. You want their attention tonight. You want them.

You've always wanted them. But when you first started working for them, you were their assistant. There was an undeniable power imbalance there and you didn't want to deal with that. You didn't want people to make assumptions like what Cole said in his vitriol to you.

Your thoughts are stalled at the knock on your apartment door. Jayce and Viktor are here; no time like the present! You no longer have a choice.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Jayce fiddles with his ascot for the third time in a row, Viktor just sighs and fixes it for him. Adjusting as necessary and smoothing it out against a broad chest. Jayce’s puppy dog eyes lock onto Viktor's fox-like ones.

“Why’re you so nervous Jayce?” Viktor can’t help but question as he casually leans on his cane, “You’re the one who suggested this.”

Jayce lightly inhales, “I know. I know. It’s just… this is different. Usually, I go to these things alone. Due to our whole deal y’know? This is the first time that both my partners are coming with me. I won't be stuck in god-awful conversations that make me want to cry.”

“Ahhhh,” Viktor contemplates, “You’re making the best out of a bad situation for your benefit. You may be a good politician actually.”

Jayce lightly shoves Viktor, and Viktor’s very tempted to toss his cane and throw himself into the ground to make Jayce look bad. Before anything can happen, the apartment door opens. And there you are.

You are truly breathtaking, radiating beauty in every way possible.

Viktor’s eyes widen and Jayce’s jaw damn near drops to the ground. You've always been pretty. But this… this is almost otherworldly. Viktor subtly coughs and nudges Jayce; so that he can pick his jaw off the floor. Viktor smiles sweetly at you and offers an arm. What a gentleman he is.

“You look… you look wonderful.” Viktor compliments, his cheeks have a slight dusting of pink. You can't help but smile, “As do you.”

The two men have cleaned up beautifully. Fitted black slacks, crisp white shirts, and sinfully tight vests. Both outfits are similar enough to be considered matching but different enough to emphasize their wearer's gorgeousness.

Ironically enough, you are all colour-coordinated.

As if sensing the pouting behind you, you casually add, “You too Jayce. You both clean up beautifully.” The footsteps behind you somehow become chipper, you can almost imagine the imaginary wagging tail Jayce would have. Viktor chuckles as Jayce quickens his steps and takes your other side.

This is gonna be one hell of a gala.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

You were right, every eye was on you for almost the entirety of the gala. At some points, you couldn't stand it, but having Jayce and Viktor there helped.

You made small talk with some guests, but you mostly stuck by either Jayce's or Viktor's side. You enjoyed a few dances with Jayce, an interesting conversation with Mel, and shit talked with Viktor regarding the other patrons.

“What was he thinking? That colour is horrendous.” Viktor grimaces as you giggle, taking a small sip of champagne.

“I don't know, but its eye-catching.”

Viktor slams back the whole flute of champagne elegantly, “An eye-sore is more like it.” he grumbles. His accent thickening due to the minor bit of alcohol in his system.

You can't help but burst out laughing at that. Some patrons turn to look at the disturbance; they all turn back to their previous conversations once they see its nothing of importance. Viktor’s eyes narrow in pleasure at your laugh. This is how you should look; not like earlier in the lab. In his admiration of you, he notices your lipstick has smudged a bit; probably due to your drinking.

Without thinking, Viktor cups your chin and lightly swipes his thumb along your bottom lip, a light smear of burgundy now rests upon his pale skin. You can feel your face heating up.

The moment is ruined by Cole. Of course it is.

He's wasted, barely able to keep himself upright as he glares at the two of you in disgust.

“So… you've already moved on, huh? I shouldn't be surprised. You were already fucking them. I'm more surprised by your choice, I expected you to go for the golden boy; not the cripple.” His voice is slurred as he wobbles in place.

Viktor sneers and you think your champagne glass is going to shatter due to how tight your grip is on it, “Say another word about Viktor, and I'll rip your tongue out.” you seethe, Cole looks a bit scared, but you continue, “Besides Cole, I'm not fucking them… yet. Maybe they'll give me a proper orgasm for once. Why don't you leave? Your presence is a nuisance.”

Cole looks flabbergasted and leaves in a daze, Viktor can't help but chuckle; his voice deep as it rumbles throughout his chest, “My lovely hero.” You feel your face heat up. Oh no, the champagne truly gave you liquid courage.

“Jayce and I would be lucky to get in between those luscious legs of yours.” he states quietly, his eyes dark. You feel like a rabbit thats gotten corned by a fox. Prey vs predator.

You purse your lips and Viktor’s eyes immediately shoot down to appreciate their suppleness, “and I'd be lucky to have the two of you.”

Your moment is again interrupted, but this time it's a welcome one, “For what?” Jayce questions. His smile is bright as he joins the two of you in sitting at your table.

Viktor smirks, his tongue poking his cheek as he drinks his champagne. He's leaving it up to you to explain yourself.

You straighten up in your seat, taking a sip of champagne before answering calmly, your nail tapping against the flute, “I’d be lucky having the two of you between my thighs when the gala is over.”

Jayce chokes on his spit and harshly thumps himself in the chest, eyes wide as he stares at the two of you, “What the hell were you two talking about over here? I was stuck with the snobby old people and you two were… what? Dirty talking to one another?”

You and Viktor share a glance before nodding,

“Yeah.”

“That’s the gist of it.”

The two of you say simultaneously, your voices layering over one another like a melody. Jayce’s brows furrowed as he put his hand up to his forehead. You can’t help but giggle at Jayce’s exasperation. Jayce shoots you a look and you quiet down, taking another large sip of champagne.

Viktor just casually sits there as he stares at the two of you, his head cocked to one side. He looks hungry. Starving. As if you two are the main dish and he’s been waiting for you to be served on a silver platter.

“Jayce,” Viktor starts, his tone smooth and low, “her wretched boyfriend never gave her an orgasm for the two years they were dating. Shouldn’t we fix that? Poor thing must be desperate.”

Jayce quirks an eyebrow, a flabbergasted look on his face, “Seriously? You dealt with that prick for almost two years and the sex wasn’t even good? You must be a saint.”

“More like I was desperate. I couldn’t have what I wanted so I got the next best thing. Even if the next best thing was crap.”

“And…” Viktor hums, his voice enticingly smooth, “what do you want?”

There’s a brief moment of silence before all the tension that’s been building up over the years snaps.

“You two. I’ve always wanted you two.”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The walk back to the lab is a tense one. Full of unresolved sexual tension that has built up over the years; tension you didn’t even know existed until now.

You kept your dirty thoughts to yourself. You made sure every touch, every look, even every word that escaped your lips was completely platonic. Safe. But something so ingrained into your very being cannot be contained forever.

Looks did become cheeky, touches lasted a bit longer than necessary, and you all constantly joked with one another in rather inappropriate ways for the work setting.

You didn’t expect it to be reciprocated.

It’s well known Jayce is quite close to councilor Mel Medarda; a gorgeous women who truly has no competition. And although Viktor isn’t as interested in physical relationships as most people; he too has quite the arsenal to pick from.

But they want you. You and your dark circles, you and your messy hair after a days work in the lab, you and your ink stained clothes.

It all boils over once the lab doors are finally shut and locked behind you three.

"What?" You tease as you lean against your work station. Your gown emphasizing every curve salaciously, "Am I not good enough for a proper bed?"

Viktor growls low in his chest, his eyes piercing and tone commanding, "I didn't have the patience to walk that far. Be grateful I didn't take you in front of all the councilors and their highly-esteemed guests."

You whine at that, which turns into a moan as Jayce comes over and kisses you from your cheek down to your neck, leaving a dark hickey behind.

"Look at how needy Jayce is. Oh, poor thing. He's been desperate for it for so long now." Viktor chides as he sits down onto the plush sofa you bought for the lab.

Jayce whines, a high-pitched needy thing. You feel your panties get more wet at the sound. God, you never thought you'd see Jayce Talis so wrecked from just a few words.

You need to see more.

"Viktor," You start knowing that you truly aren't the one in control here, "may I touch Jayce?"

Viktor groans as he tilts his head back. Holy shit. This is better than his dirtiest fantasies; and you're just starting.

"Yes. Touch him. Touch him in the ways you've fantasized about when you were alone in bed, with your hands down your panties."

You smile and wink at the gorgeous man before doing just that. You damn near rip Jayce's vest and top off as you kiss him passionately. His lips are so soft, so plump. You can feel yourself becoming obsessed.

As you kiss, your hands trail down his glorious physic and you wrap a hand around his belt buckle; desperate to get it off. You shove his pants just low enough to get a hand wrapped around his hard cock. It's long, with a nice girth. It points up slightly. The poor thing is dripping precum and the tip is a dark maroon. You start pumping, testing grip strength and speed to see what gets Jayce going. After a few minutes; you get it. A nice firm grip with a average pace is what Jayce enjoys most, especially when you wring your hand around the tip.

Jayce's moans are obscene, They're loud, whiny, and desperate. God he's so hot. Eventually his moans change into whimpers as he lightly jerks his hips in time with your hand. He's close to cumming; you can feel it.

That is until Viktor tells you to stop.

Jayce whines, his eyes filled with tears, "Why-- why did you..."

"You are not the only one who should have fun, Jayce. Don't be greedy." Viktor states, an eyebrow quirked. Jayce pouts but nods regardless of his feelings. Viktor's right.

"Besides, you and I have had many late night talks in the lab where our dear partner had gone home for the night. We've talked about our desires, our dirty fantasies. Wasn't one of them regarding myself and our pretty girl? You being sidelined as you watched the two of us fuck? Not being able to cum until given permission? I remember Jayce. I remember them all."

Your mouth is agape as you look to the two men. What the fuck?

Jayce's face is completely flushed red, but there's a determination there too. He's not gonna take this laying down.

"Oh yeah?" He starts, his voice more confident now, "I remember you telling me you'd love for us to have her at the same time. You sitting on your desk as she sucked your cock down into her throat; and I was behind her, pounding hard and deep into her pussy. You can't embarrass me. I know your fantasies too."

You might as well not even be wearing any panties by this point due to how drenched they are. These men have no shame! And you thought they were gentlemanly; good thing you were wrong.

This is so much better.

Viktor huffs, a small amused smile on his face, "Touché. How do you feel about recreating your fantasy, Jayce? Are you okay with it pretty girl?"

Jayce and you both look to one another before nodding vigorously. Viktor smirks, "Jayce, go get your desk chair. You, come here." he orders. Jayce quickly and hastily tucks his hard cock back into his pants as he rushes to get his chair. You just casually walk up to Viktor. His face is close to your abdomen as he puts both hands on your hips.

His fingers caress the fabric of your dress, up to your breasts and down your sides, studying it. Like he's committing the feel to memory. They eventually return to your hips and tug on it questioningly. His golden eyes look up at you, the colour of molten gold etched in his pupils. You nod earnestly in approval, and you reach up and unclasp both straps, letting the dress fall until it reaches your knees, eventually it falls on to the floor. You're suddenly very thankful you wore such scandalous panties. They're black, sheer, and extremely cheeky. You didn't want any underwear lines, sue you.

Jayce groans and Viktor just smirks as he cups an ass cheek with a chilly hand. Rubbing it appreciatively. Before you know it, a harsh slap rings out through the lab and you gasp. Your ass stings; he just spanked you!

Jayce sits motionlessly a few feet away and complains, "This is fucking torture." The glistening sweat on his forehead, his flushed face, and the small bead of sweat trailing down the side of his neck shows how hard this is for him, even though he is clearly aware that he is not allowed to disturb the two of you or touch himself.

You look over your shoulder coyly at him, "This is your fantasy Jayce. Don't get mad at us for what you want."

Viktor smirks and kisses your stomach, slowly trailing up to kiss and suck on your breasts. You moan out in pleasure, bringing your hands up to clutch his messy hair; and unintendedly shove his face more into your breasts. He happily hums at that.

One hand stays planted on your hip as the other trails down to cope a feel of how wet your panties are; and they're drenched.

Viktor looks so smug as he pulls away from your chest, his face pink as he smirks up at you, "You're soaked, darling. What? Did hearing about how much Jayce and I want yo make you this desperate?"

A whine escapes you, "Yes! Yes it did!"

At that, he quickly lowers his pants just far enough to reveal his boxers. The jabbing of the cloth finally assures you that he is not as indifferent as he still appears to be. You can immediately verify a theory you've had since the beginning of your employment based on the well-defined outline and the sizable tent: the assistant to the dean of the academy is packing a massive cock.

Before you can appreciate your gift, Viktor grabs both sides of your panties and pushes them down your legs, until it pools at your feet. You exit the mess of cloth, now fully bare to the chilly air of the lab. Viktor quickly reaches down and grabs your panties, tossing them onto Jayce's lap.

"See how wet she is for us?"

Jayce groans, the ruined panties on his knee, the crotch face up for his viewing pleasure.

You giggle at Jayce and he shoots you a glare, it's not very imposing due to the red flush all over his face; it's even up to his ears.

In your distracted state, Viktor finally releases his cock from his boxers. He's enormous, imposing in length, and has a nice pink bulbous tip. He's not even completely hard. Only a few neatly cropped auburn curls at the base serve as a reminder that he is not carved from real marble. You and Jayce both whistle appreciatively and Viktor just glares at the two of you.

"It's always the tall skinny guys that have massive cocks, will that even fit?" You joke. Viktor runs his hands up and down your sides, "We'll make it fit. Turn around for me, my love?"

You cock your head to the side, confused as to why he'd want your back to him, but you comply. It all makes sense with his next order, "Jayce, come here. I need you to prepare her."

In a move that you swear breaks the sound barrier, Jayce is on his knees in front of you.

"Can I eat you out?" Jayce begs, his voice wobbly. He feels like he's going to pass out. Your pussy is right there. If you say no, Jayce may honestly just burst out into tears.

Your mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water, before you just quietly say yes.

Jayce is on you before you can even blink. He's kissing your thighs, rubbing your clit with the pads of two of his fingers, he's licking and kissing your vulva. Eventually he focuses his mouth on your clit and puts one, two-- three fingers into your pussy. You don't know if you're breathing. Holy shit, Jayce is so fucking good at this. When a whine reverberates across your pussy, you realize you said that out loud.

Your hands grip into Jayce's hair for dear life. Viktor kisses your neck and fondles your breast; heavily enjoying the show.

"Make her cum, Jayce. We don't have lube and we need all the natural lubrication we can get."

Jayce just hums, showing that h heard Viktor's order. Your g-spot is being abused and your clit is in what feels like a vacuum. You're going to cum in record time. With a ragged moan and a bowed back, you cum violently on Jayce's face.

You pant, trying to adjust yourself so that you're not accidentally hurting Viktor's weaker leg. Both Viktor and Jayce assist you. Viktor looks on with pride at Jayce and pulls him down into a filthy kiss. The two men tasting you on their tongues.

Eventually you catch your breath, and decide you want that monster of a cock Viktor's been hiding in your pussy. You both groan in unison as you gently drop down onto him. The variety of whines that escape from your squeezed lips is unavoidable. The stretch is wonderful and filling, but the heat from where your bodies meet is unbearable. Even though he isn't entirely inside of you, you're already unsure of how much more you can handle. Even though the pain is making you grit your teeth and incredibly dizzy, you continue, gripping your fingers onto Jayce's shoulders for support.

You wince and Jayce pulls away from Viktor, who gasps at the feeling of your hot, wet pussy encapsulating his cock; and kisses you instead. Trying to take your mind off of the slight pain.

Slowly but surely, you start to bounce. Keeping Viktor's weaker leg in mind, you fuck that stupidly gorgeous man as hard and as fast as you can. His wonderful cock hitting every sensitive spot you have.

Moans, pants, skin slapping skin, and kissing is all that's heard in the lab. Eventually the cries crescendo and Viktor pulls you roughly down into his lap. Cumming deep into you as your own orgasm milks him dry. Viktor gasps as he drops back to lean his back and head against the couch.

You stay seated, deciding to cock warm the poor man. You look over your shoulder coyly and say, "Jayce is going to fuck my throat if you're interested in watching." That gets Viktor's eyes to shoot open and lift his head a bit.

Jayce's eyes lose a few tears when your hand comes up to release his cock from his pants and pump it again. When your lips wrap around the head and teasingly lick the slit; it's game over for him. You slowly bob your head up and down, bringing Jayce's hands to your hair. Encouraging him to fuck your face.

He's excited, but still aware he can't go too rough. He doesn't want you to gag too harshly. Jayce is panting, swearing, whining and crying at the overwhelming pleasure he's receiving. A few minutes later, he's cumming down your throat with a shout. You also feel another small burst of cum in your pussy.

You slowly pull away from Jayce, not wanting to overstimulate him any more than he already is and ask, "Viktor... Did you just cum again from seeing Jayce and I?"

Jayce huffs out a laugh as an indignant look comes across his face, he crosses his arms across his chest and pouts. You damn near laugh at him. How can he looks so petulant as you're sitting on his cock, "Shut up. It was hot, okay? You just sigh in content, "Okay."

You eventually get off of Viktor and almost fall, Jayce catches you and makes you sit on the couch next to Viktor, while Jayce sits down next to you. All of you are panting, tired, and completely satiated.

You enjoy the quiet until Jayce mumbles, "We're gonna have to burn this couch."

You and Viktor look to one another before solemnly nodding.

Yeah... There's no way you can disinfect this couch enough for what you put it through. Especially since you're leaking cum onto it and all three of you are sweaty as fuck.

Rest in peace Lab Couch. You will be missed.

ITS DONE!!!! If there's any spelling/grammar issues; no there isn't. Grammarly failed me then. Hope y'all enjoyed this filthy Jayvik x reader smut!

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transmcytshowdown · 2 days ago

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Mumbo Jumbo:

Submitted for: Hermitcraft, Last Life, Secret Life, Wild Life

Headcanons: Nonbinary, he/him

Propaganda: “[The submitter] think[s] trans Mumbo would be funny. Vote for him.”

“Guys. Guys. Mumbo Jumbo being a pathetic trans nonbinary he/they masc presenting guy. Being so proud of his moustache that he spends so long styling it every day. Wearing a suit everyday because it gives them the gender euphoria when wearing something so stereotypically 'masc'.”

Graaavel:

Submitted for: Exposure Craft

Headcanons: Transmasc, he/him

Propaganda: Is transmasc irl

Joel Smallishbeans:

Submitted for: Hermitcraft, Third Life, Last Life, Double Life, Limited Life, Secret Life, Wild Life, Empires SMP Season 1, Empires SMP Season 2

Headcanons: Transmasc, he/they; Trans man, he/him; Genderfluid, any pronouns; Trans masc, it/he/she; Transmasc Genderfluid, he/any; Identity not specified, they/he

Propaganda: “He’s just a silly little terracotta man with only a vague understanding of human gender he tries to impersonate but fails at.”

“Lizzie and Joel are a t4t bi4bi couple in [the submitter’s] heart. Lizzie transfem (she/her) Joel transmasc+gender fluid (he/any).”

“Basically anywhere you see him. Just like, the constant ‘Ooh i'm so manly, the manliest, I’m so tall and strong and handsome,’ and always insisting that he’s really tall despite being super short and the way his voice will sometimes get all high and squeaky these are all very transmasc coded things. He’s one of us, okay, he’s got the vibes, trust, he’s got our humor. Every time he goes mining on Hermitcraft there is always a caption that’s like ‘straight white male mining content’ which is more of his constant need to assert how macho and manly he is and in double life he says he’s not going to get in the pool cause he’s ‘ashamed of his Minecraft body’ which is very trans behavior. He’s got that confidence he can wear a dress for mcc and still know he’s a man which is very transmasc cause other men just got handed it, but we afab men have to look at masculinity and go ‘yeah that’s me’ and then make sure everyone knows it like that’s how you know being trans isn’t a choice because men kinda suck and I still went out and actively was like um guys I’m actually a man sorry. Some days he’s cool with just throwing gender norms out the window and some days he feels the need to yell for the whole world and the next couple galaxies as well to hear that he’s DeFiNiTeLy NoT WeArInG a CoRsEt GeM. Can you tell [the submitter’s] projecting? Cause [they’re] projecting. You can pry this headcanon out of [their] cold dead hands lol.”

“He has fluctuating chest dysphoria so sometimes he doesn't bind and sometimes he does. His bad dysphoria days are rare enough that he's not gonna bother with top surgery.”

“Transmasc Joel Smallishbeans is everything to [the submitter] and [the submitter] like[s] to think that forming the bad boys is what made him plug the tv back on and turn the brightness to the max, like he went ‘Oh we’re bad boys?? Guess I’m finally a boy now!”

“Nonbinary bad boy Joel except he is not a boy.”

"First, [the submitter] think[s] she was raised as a gender that just. doesn't exist here. She was raised in Mezalea where how gender works is just. different and, because she has a beard, everyone assumed she was a man but she's NOT and in recent years has been figuring out her own identity and pronouns in a way she hasn't ever thought about before and also she and Lizzie are butch4femme, amen. Or bi4bi. Both? She’s a masculine person and she likes stuff like the bad boys because it's more of a title separate from her gender. She’s just a masculine woman, amen.”

“He's a sopping wet tanooki (cat /j) and [jizzie] are t4t bi4bi coded.”

“Joel hasn't been called girlfriend/wife/girl by his friends for NOTHING. Bro’s the definition of gender and he slays in a dress no matter what (in Minecraft and in irl)."

#transmcytshowdown #poll #mumbo jumbo #graaavel #hermitcraft #life series #last life #secret life #wild life #exposure craft #third life #double life #limited life #empires smp #empires season one #empires season two

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rintarosluvr · 17 hours ago

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𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐂𝐊

• Sylus × Reader

Topics: Y/n being dense, unresolved romantic tension and flirting, Y/n teasing sylus, Zayne, Xavier and Rafayel mentioned!

Note: Probably slow updates because classes started again

Word count: 3k

Chap.2

Chap.3

"I've been thinking a lot lately" you say

"About what?" Davina asks, glancing up from her phone as she scrolls through details about the trip your class and some other classes were going on for a project

"You guys might be right" you admit, sighing as you close the suitcase

"Finally!" Leanne exclaims "Took you long enough. So when are you going to confess?"

"What? No!" you shake your head "I'm not even sure he has feelings for me. I'm just going to figure it out during the trip"

"And if he does have feelings, you'll confess?" Leanne presses

"I never said I have feelings for him" you point out, raising an eyebrow

"Is she making sense to you guys?" Leanne asks turning to your friends

"She does" Vanessa says, nodding in agreement

"Yeah, totally" Kaori chuckles, leaning back

"So how are we gonna room?" Davina asks, reading out loud from the trip details "It says four people per apartment but there's ten of us"

"I'm not rooming with Amari, I still remember his snores" Kaori says dramatically, clearly haunted by the memory

"Yeah, I'll pass on rooming with Eydis or him. Knowing them, they'll be out all night and come back drunk" you add

"Fair point" Vanessa agrees with a nod "Maybe we should call them in case they've already picked their roommates"

"Smart" Leanne says

"Y/n, call Sylus" Davina says, suddenly

You raise an eyebrow "Why him specifically?"

"He always picks up when you call. The other guys have their phones on do not disturb all the time" Kaori explains

"Fine" You roll your eyes picking up your phone and call Sylus, within a second, he answers

"You called?"

You immediately frown "Why are you acting like I'm interrupting something?"

He chuckles "What's your question?"

"Do any of you already have roommates for the trip? We're trying to figure out who's with who" you explain

"From what we know, Mar and Roy paired up with Xavier and Zayne" Eydis says, leaning over the back of the couch next to Sylus

"So, who are you guys rooming with?" you ask, already sensing trouble

"The two of us are obviously a duo" Eydis replies casually

"Continue" Leanne prompts

"Also" Eydis says, grinning mischievously "I already submitted who we wanted to room with"

"You did what?!" Davina exclaims

"Uh yeah" Eydis continues "Y/n and Vanessa are rooming with us"

"What the fuck?" Vanessa mutters under her breath as you abruptly hang up

"That just pissed me off" you groan, tossing your phone aside

"I was really hoping we'd all room together" Leanne sighs, clearly just as annoyed

"That probably wouldn't have worked anyway since there's five of us" Davina points out

"Doesn't make it less frustrating" Vanessa says, crossing her arms

"Right" you mumble

Kaori sighs "Well, at least we're in the same building. We'll just have to spend most of the time hanging out in one place"

"So are you excited about rooming with Sylus?" Davina asks

"Please don't remind me" you groan, sinking back into the couch "Wait, if he has a crush on me, why hasn't he confessed? He's such a direct guy?"

"Maybe he's waiting to see if it's mutual?" Vanessa suggests, shrugging

"That would make sense" you mumble, the idea settling uncomfortably in your mind

"Or maybe he's just enjoying messing with you" Kaori teases

"Very helpful Ri, I already know that" you deadpan

"Hey, I'm just saying. Sylus is definitely not the type to make a move without knowing he has a shot" she adds with a knowing look

You sigh grabbing a pillow and tossing it at her "I don't need this kind of analysis right now"

"Too late" Leanne chimes in "You brought this on yourself the moment you started overthinking"

[The Next Day]

"You really not speaking to us?" Eydis asks, leaning over to catch your gaze as you turn your face away, arms crossed, you don't respond still pointedly ignoring him as everyone lounges at the airport, killing time before the flight

"You guys really fucked us up" Vanessa says glaring at Eydis and Sylus "Why us tho?"

"Yeah" Davina chimes in, equally annoyed "You could've added Kazu and asked Rafayel to join you or something"

Sylus shrugs, unbothered "Wouldn't one of you still be forced to room with three random people? There are five of you?"

"We would've figured something out" Kaori says "But now Kazu is stuck rooming with us"

Kazuo shrugs "I've done it before. Don't mind it"

"Yeah, because last time we didn't want to room with strangers" Leanne points out

"You should be mad at them" you mumble, still refusing to look at Sylus or Eydis

Kazuo laughs and casually throws an arm over your shoulder, squeezing your cheek affectionately "We'll both survive. Don't worry"

You groan "You wanna switch? Please say yes"

He chuckles shaking his head. "Nah, I'm good. Rooming with them is hell"

You let out a dramatic sigh, tilting your head to the side until it rests against his chest "You could save me, but instead, you're just letting me drown"

"It's all love" he teases, patting your you head

"Liar" you mutter, tossing Kazuo's arm off of you as you make your way over to Amari and Leroy

"So when we get there, we're gonna find something to smoke" Amari says, grinning as you take a seat next to him

"For sure" Leroy nods, turning to you."You joining us?"

"Why not" you shrug

"You smoke?" Sylus's voice cuts in as he sits down nearby

"Yeah" you say, like it's common knowledge "Here and there"

"Since when?" he asks, his brows furrowed

You shrug again "Don't know, like a few years now"

Before Sylus can respond, Leroy stands up "We're gonna hit the store. You guys want anything?"

"Yeah, grab me a drink, whichever is fine" you say

"I'm good, thanks" Sylus adds

Both guys nod before heading off, leaving you and Sylus alone

"So why'd you agree with Eydis's stupid plan?" you ask, turning to Sylus even though there's a seat between you two, eyeing him suspiciously

"I didn't really have a choice" he shrugs "He went ahead and did it himself"

"But you didn't stop him" you point out, narrowing your eyes

He smirks leaning back in the seat "Why would I? I don't mind rooming with you"

"Oh, how generous of you" you say, rolling your eyes "Did you ever think that maybe I mind?"

"Nope" he replied "You get to spend quality time with me. Sounds like a win"

"Quality time?" you scoff "Please, I'd rather room with Mar and Roy"

"Sure you do" he teases "You wouldn't last five minutes before begging to switch back"

"You wish" you fire back, narrowing your eyes at him "You'll be the one regretting it when I cockblock you whenever I can"

Sylus raises an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at his lips "Oh, really? You're that dedicated?"

"Absolutely" you say with confidence

Sylus leans forward, practically daring you to keep going "You'll just end up cockblocking yourself"

You blink in confusion, still processing his words "Wait, what? You can't just say stuff like that and walk away"

Sylus flashes a grin, clearly amused by the reaction he's gotten "Sure I can" He picks up his phone and steps a few feet away, clearly intent on ignoring you now but you can still feel your body heat up from his teasing

"You're so annoying" you mutter under your breath

But it doesn't stop you from wondering what he meant and part of you hated how easily he managed to get under your skin

"What did he say?" Davina asks siting down, her eyes narrowed in curiosity as she watches you

"What?" you ask still processing the conversation you just had

"You were shocked, why?" She presses

You let out a deep breath "I told him l'd cockblock him for rooming with me and he said that l'd end up cockblocking myself"

Davina's eyes widen and she leans in, lowering her voice "He wants to fuck you" "I thought he meant he-"

"Nope, you thought wrong" she interrupts, You roll your eyes, clearly not in the mood for her teasing "Why do you look so happy about it?"

She places her hand on your shoulder, giving you a knowing smile "Because he wants you, Y/n. Stop acting so dense and accept it"

You scoff, shaking your head "Never"

Davina leans in closer "You lowkey want him too"

“Believe what you want”

"You've been staring" Vanessa says, glancing at you with a small smile

"I'm not" you reply quickly, not wanting to admit it

"So you haven't been staring at his thighs?" she adds, raising an eyebrow

You let out a dramatic sigh throwing your head back in frustration "I hate Davina"

Vanessa chuckles "She was right" "Yeah, I figured" you mumble, feeling your body heat up

"We're ready! You guys ready to explore the city?" You hear Eydis call from across the room, snapping you out of your flustered state

"We've been ready for the past thirty minutes" Vanessa says, crossing her arms and looking at the guys "But guess you pretty boys have to take all the time to get ready, huh?"

You chuckle standing up and grab your small bag "Right"

"So you're admitting I'm good looking?" Sylus says, joining you as you walk toward the door

"You're sounding delusional. Never said that" you say, pulling out your lip gloss and knocking on the door next door

"You did agree with Vanessa, so you do think we're pretty boys" Eydis states, throwing an arm over Sylus's shoulder as you apply your lip gloss

You roll your eyes "Living in a world with delusional men is exhausting"

Eydis grins while Sylus just watches you, his gaze lingering on your lips as you finish applying the gloss and put it back in your bag

"Get out!" Kaori mutters as she opens the door, trying to push Leroy out of their room

"I didn't do anything!" Leroy protests

"Farting is something" she snaps, glaring at him

You frown "You guys ready?"

They both stop, mid action. Kaori was still pushing Leroy out while he clung to the door knob

"Your first mistake was letting them in" Vanessa says, glancing at the three other girls approaching you.

"We came to ask if we're going to the karaoke building we saw" Amari says, giving you a hopeful look.

"Should be fun. Why not?" Eydis grins

"Be aware, there are some people that are tone deaf, so your ears might start bleeding" you warn, glancing at Sylus

"That was aimed at Sylus" Leanne adds with a chuckle

"It's that bad?" Davina asks

"Terrible, actually" you mumble meeting Sylus's eyes

He gives you a small smile, clearly enjoying your teasing "Glad you're paying attention" he says

"Sure you do" you reply and follow Vanessa, who's already being pulled along by Davina

You feel an arm slip over your shoulder "This trip is gonna be funny, isn't it?" Eydis says, pulling you closer as he wraps his other arm around Sylus's shoulder

"Don't forget about the project we have to make while we're here" you remind him

"Such a buzzkill you are" Sylus mutters, You roll your eyes at him

[5:54PM]

"I'm honestly disappointed. I wanted to hear Sylus sing" Davina says, finally putting her phone down

Amari shakes his head "You guys didn't even give us a chance to sing. Mic hogs, the lot of you"

"I thought they were great" Leroy cuts in as he leans forward "You girls should seriously consider being a girl group. You've got the vocals and the moves"

"Yeah, I agree" Kazuo adds, finishing off his drink "Especially considering how you all used to dance back in the day. You've got the talent, it wouldn't be bad at all"

Vanessa shrugs, sipping her soda "Doesn't sound like a terrible idea"

"If you're serious, I know some people who could help you out" Sylus says casually

Kaori nods "We'll keep that in mind. Could be worth exploring"

You reach across the table to snag a few of Sylus's fries without asking, a habit you've had since high school

He doesn't even flinch, letting you grab as many as you want

Leanne, catching your quiet amusement, turns to you "What about you? What do you think?"

You pause, mid reach for another fry, blinking as all eyes turn to you "Uh... sounds fun" you say, shrugging "I mean, younger me always wanted to be famous. Maybe it's something I've always lowkey dreamed of"

"Same" Davina agrees "It's giving childhood dreams, for sure"

"Us all being in a girl group? Absolute chaos. But honestly, it'd be amazing. You can't tell me we wouldn't crush it" Vanessa says

You feel the brush of Sylus's legs against yours, making you stop mid motion, narrowing your eyes as you glance up at him

Without saying a word, you pull the tray in front of him toward you, raising an eyebrow in question

His expression doesn't falter, unreadable as ever "What?" he asks, his voice calm but there's a flicker of amusement in his eyes

You don't respond, instead slowly sliding the tray closer to yourself as if daring him to make a move, His legs stay where they are, practically caging yours under the table

He leans back in his seat, resting an arm lazily on the chair next to him "Don't look at me like that. You're the one stealing my fries"

"And you're the one being invasive" you shoot back, though you don't move your legs either

He smirks "You're not moving them, though"

You roll your eyes grabbing another fry off the tray to avoid addressing his comment. Sylus just chuckles, leaning forward to steal a fry from the tray you just claimed

"Touché" he murmurs, his smirk widening when you glare at him

You slide your feet out of your sandals under the table, brushing them lightly against Sylus's bare legs

The sudden contact makes him pause, his eyebrow arches, an amused challenge flickering in his eyes

In response, you flash him a sweet almost innocent fake smile, as if daring him to call you out

"Oh, so we're doing that now?" he asks, his tone low enough that the others at the table don't notice

"Doing what?" you reply, feigning ignorance as your foot trails higher against his calf

His smirk deepens, but he doesn't move away "You've got some nerve, stealing my fries and starting something you can't finish"

"Who says I can't finish?" you counter, still maintaining your mock innocent demeanor as you grab another fry from his tray

Sylus leans forward, lowering his voice so only you can hear "Careful, Y/n. I might just call your bluff"

The heat rising to your face betrays you "Try me"

The tension lingers for a beat too long before Sylus shifts slightly, his hand brushing under the table

Without warning, he stops your foot from going even higher on his thighs, his fingers wrapping lightly around your ankle

You tilt your head, a sly smile spreading across your lips "I win" you say simply, your tone dripping with confidence

He raises an eyebrow, his thumb grazing your ankle in a way that sends a chill up your spine "You think so?" he asks

"I know so" you counter, leaning back, satisfied with your small victory

Sylus smirks, leaning closer across the table as if to close the distance between you "Games like this can backfire" he says, his grip loosening just enough to let your foot slip free

You shrug slipping your foot back into your sandal with deliberate slowness "Only if you're not good at them"

Taking a long sip of your drink, you try to ignore the flutter in your stomach, the way the tension still hangs between you like a taut wire

Sylus eyes never leave yours. The corner of his mouth quirks up in that maddeningly smug expression that makes your heart race and your irritation flare in equal measure

This wasn't over and you both knew it

"Alright, let's head back. We gotta start with the project" Kazuo says, standing up and stretching

"Yeah, I agree" you say, your tone breezy as you finally break eye contact with Sylus, sliding your bag onto your shoulder

"I still haven't read the email the professor sent" Amari admits, rubbing the back of his neck

"Which isn't shocking" Davina chimes in, You chuckle shaking your head "You're always unprepared"

"Hey, I like to keep things exciting" Amari grins

Chap.4>

#sylus qin #lnds sylus #sylus #l&ds sylus #lads sylus #sylus love and deepspace #love and deepspace sylus #sylus x reader #sylus x mc #sylus x you #sylus x black reader #moonstruck

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