#this probably had an effect on my psyche

[ladycatashtrophe]

Thinking of when I was little and I kept having these feelings like I was floating above my bed while sleeping (not the falling dream - I distinctly remember floating above my bed for a solid few seconds before I came to and landed back on the mattress) and my ultra-religious family thought I was possessed or "disturbed" but I was a Percy Jackson kid so one night when it happened I jokingly banged my fist on the floor and told Hades to knock it off (thinking it would do nothing) and then that feeling never happened again.

[calico-kiwi]

sometimes dreams are insightful. like the time i had a dream where i fell asleep on the shoulder of my former best friend and realized it was because i missed hugging her.

sometimes they’re stupid though and mean absolutely nothing. like the one i just had about a weird marionette doll and her frankenstein like husband having to flee their adams family style house to some random italian countryside to escape the police while trying to figure out how to be parents to their newborn child

[mutalune]

really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state

[gynoidgearhead]

[image caption: two books, one very thick and one very thin. the first is "the plot of mass effect 1" and the second is "the plot of mass effect 1 if the n7 armour had a helmetcam". end caption]

my mass effect hot take ((fuck the council))

[alittleworldlywise]

The joy of growing up and moving from an extreme weather risk zone to a risk zone for a completely different type of extreme weather.

[ebon-blu]

Anyone else remember DyE - Fantasy? It still bops to this day.

[umbrellahat07]

Oh yeah, except the ending, this is the original story from the book. All kinds of other fucked up stuff happened too iirc. Most people are more familiar with the lighthearted newer versions of the story, but the original was pretty disturbing.

If the "correct" movie is not listed, please add in tags

[hannieehaee]

BED CHEM (teaser)

18+ / mdi

summary: when chan's friends decided to start a betting pool on how long it'd take him to lose his virginity at the start of college, none of them expected him to remain a virgin all the way to senior year. desperate to prove them wrong, chan goes to his best friend in hopes you'll take him out of his misery (and maybe fall for him in the process) OR when chan uses a stupid bet as an excuse to get his pretty bestie in his bed.

content: virgin!chan, f2l!chan, sub!chan, mutual pining, college au, chan is characterized as a fucking loser but what else is new, some will they wont they, the rest of svt bully chan, afab reader, smut, dry humping, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, etc.

(^ no actual content warnings in the teaser)

wc: 1.1k (teaser); 11k (full fic)

RELEASE DATE: november 18th

or you can check it out on my patreon today by subscribing!

a/n: yet another loser!svt fic on the way. sorry<3

masterlist | patreon

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not a virgin!"

— lied Chan for the nth time.

"It's been years and it's still not believable. Plus, Vernon told us you were whining about it at Soonie's party last Friday," responded Jeonghan nonchalantly.

"Vernon!", Chan turned to him, betrayal in his eyes.

His whines were only met with chuckles from all the other men surrounding him, most of which were nursing some different variant of an alcoholic beverage as they lounged around uselessly.

Most weekends were spent like this.

Chan had the misfortune of being the youngest in his large thirteen member friend group, one which was also well known throughout school due to a few of his friends' reputations. Chan, however, did not live up to that idea.

Unlike all his other friends, — well known to be either heartthrobs, or at least, you know, not virgins — Chan found himself as an outlier.

On the outside, he may have easily emulated that same popular and charismatic persona all his friends held and lived by, but he truly had no idea what he was doing. Sure, he knew himself to be likable and attractive (at least he liked to think so), but his sexual prowess was still very much below average (is anything lower than zero?).

Luckily for him, this was not known by anyone outside of his friend group. To everyone else, Chan was as pursued as his older friends such as Mingyu and Wonwoo, except it was all a lie.

Hell, even you, being his best friend since middle school, were blissfully unaware of his virginal state. And to be quite honest, this was something he wanted to keep that way.

You see, Chan had hopes of airing out his not-so-discreet crush on you one day ('maybe not today, but someday!', he'd tell himself). And the knowledge of him being a loser virgin would probably not help matters when that day came.

His virginity was such a hot topic among his friends that a running bet had tormented him since his first weekend at university. With all his friends being merely one year older, he was the victim of constant teasing as they watched him crash and burn any time a girl showed interest in him, only for him to psyche himself out of actually getting down to anything.

His constant failures only prompted more teasing throughout the years, especially in the form of Jeonghan and Seungkwan berating him about losing his virginity and confessing his pathetic crush on you. Sometimes Dokyeom and Mingyu would join in, insisting he could kill two birds with one stone if he'd only play his cards right.

The mere thought never failed to make Chan blush. To think of you in that context always had a physical effect on him. His palms would become clammy, his face would redden, and sadly, his hardness would make an appearance.

But he'd be lying if he hadn't wanted to will the thought into existence.

The two of you never really spoke about such things, but he was still painfully aware of how opposite of him you were in that aspect. It was no secret to him that your virginity was long gone. To his knowledge, you'd spent your freshman and sophomore years basking in all the attention you received, landing in a few beds in the process. You had this charisma that Chan envied (and was simultaneously extremely attracted to). In your junior year, however, you'd calmed down a bit, spending your Fridays nights cuddled up with Chan in the corner of one of his friends' frat parties rather than out on your own.

"Okay, so are you giving up? You're losing the bet?," Jeonghan piled on, calling Chan's attention away from his internal monologue.

"Giving up on what! I never participated on that bet. You guys came up with it to bully me!," he responded, exasperated.

Joshua rounded the couch to take a seat on the arm of it, patting Chan's shoulder condescendingly as he sipped at his beer with a chuckle.

"We could set you up with someone, you know?", he suggested, knowing Chan would deny his suggestion but trying anyways.

"N-no. I don't want someone to fuck me out of pity," Chan grumbled.

"And that'd be cheating. We're not supposed to help him," added Vernon.

"You guys made up rules?!"

"Shh. The adults are talking," tsk'd Seungkwan.

"You're still a junior. You have time to lose it before graduating still," aided Wonwoo from his side of the room.

"We decided against that. It has to be before we graduate or else it doesn't count," said one of the many seniors in the room.

"Okay, maybe queue me in on the rules if I'm going to be the main character of this bet, guys," grumbled Chan, giving up.

"That's still four months til graduation, Channie. C'mon, it'll be good for you. Maybe you can find a girlfriend and then you won't be all alone after we graduate."

"Yeah, man. Why do you have no friends your own age?" poked Mingyu, chuckling along with the rest of the seniors currently picking at a defeated Chan.

"It looks like I have no friends at all."

Vernon laughed, getting up to sit next to a slumped-back Chan, completely defeated on the couch. He patted his back, though unlike Joshua, he seemed to do it in solidarity.

"Listen, man. Just ask Y/N out. She likes you. We all see it. Just be a man and ask her out. We've told you before — two birds, one stone," encouraged Vernon.

Chan sat back up at the mention of your name, now having you back in his mind.

Should he?

Should he throw all caution to the wind and go on a limb? He'd sensed some more-than-friends vibes from you before, but he'd never been sure enough to actually try and go after you.

Annoyed and confused, Chan stood up with a huff, heading for the door before turning around to grumble at his friends.

"You all suck!," he began his tipsy rant, "I'm going to go out there and prove you all wrong. I'm going to lose my virginity ten times harder than any of you ever did," he declared, his intoxicated brain not realizing he wasn't making much sense, "And then you'll all owe me that stupid betting pool. You'll see," he went to point at Jeonghan, "Specially you!"

Jeonghan gaped at him in amusement, which only provoked further laughter from all the drunk men who had already been laughing at a pent-up Chan. Chan made his exit with this last statement, annoyed enough to disavow his friends for the rest of the night.

Still tipsy and with frustration charging through his veins, Chan made his decision. He knew his next destination for the night and marched there decisively.

...

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[sharkboywrites]

My perspective on Curly as a victim of abuse

Tw for abuse (physical and sexual)

Hey mouthwashing fandom, so this is kind of a hard topic for me to tackle, but recently with seeing people’s opinions in the fandom on Curly as a character, I want to put in my own two cents as a victim of abuse.

I want to clarify before I start that I am not a victim of sexual abuse specifically. The abuse I faced was physical that bordered on sexual, but I was never sexually assaulted. That’s why this analysis isn’t about the sexual assault aspects of Anya’s abuse, like her relationship with Jimmy, but rather on the aftermath of the abuse on how the people she trusted (specifically Curly) interact with Jimmy after they know.

For context so people can understand my situation: I was in a very physically abusive friendship that bordered on sexual abuse in my freshman year of high school. Now, through my sophomore to senior year, I was forced to be in the same school as this person. In the same classes, in the same clubs, in the same events, and the same friend group as my abuser.

This is why I relate to Anya so heavily. I understand being forced to stay in situations with the person who abused you and being around people who either don’t know or do know and haven’t done anything/hold them accountable.

Now onto the main topic of my rant: Curly. So far from what I’ve seen, Curly is a hot topic for debate on the morality of his character. Anya confided to Curly about the abuse, and Curly, as far as we can see, didn’t do much. This makes it really easy for people to point fingers at Curly and call him an awful person and say that he is just as bad as Jimmy.

This is where I disagree. I don’t think Curly is a bad person.

Again, I understand the pain of having people do nothing. I have watched people I confided in about the abuse I face completely ignore what I have said and continue to be friends with them. I have had people say that I was lying. I have had people defend them right to my face because “They look like they’re getting better” or “But they seem like such a good partner to their (current) girlfriend!”

I get how frustrating that is. I understand the level of hurt that brings and how unsafe that can make someone feel. But once again, this is something the fandom immediately jumps on Curly for without really looking any further into it.

The thing is, these are people I know at school. These are people who can actively control their situations. These people can stop talking to them, stop giving them rides, etc. to stop interacting with them.

This is not the case for Curly and Jimmy. The most obvious thing being: they’re literally on a ship in space. They are all in a confined space and forced to be together for months on end. On top of that, Jimmy is a very unstable person, and Curly probably knows that. A lot of people like to characterize Curly as the “Oh, but he’s my friend, he wouldn’t do that” guy, but that’s not what happened. He listened to Anya, and while he definitely been more empathetic and done a bit more, he still didn’t deny it.

I personally feel like Curly specifically not denying it means he knows that Jimmy did it, and that he knows Jimmy is a bad person.

All of these are faults of Curly’s. He let someone he knew onto was dangerous onto the ship, and when he did something bad, he didn’t do enough to help despite being the captain.

But one thing we do know is that Jimmy is a manipulator. He will manipulate or threaten anyone to get what he wants. First off, we don’t know if Jimmy manipulated Curly to give him the job in the first place, which could have very much happened. Second, he was seen manipulating Curly AGAIN in the psych evaluation scene, the birthday party scene, and near the end of the game when Curly confronts him after talking with Anya.

Every single thing Curly falls short on is a direct effect of Jimmy’s manipulation in the first place. Yes, he absolutely could have done more in both situations, but Jimmy manipulated into him into letting him off easy.

On top of being manipulated by Jimmy, there wasn’t much Curly could do. He can’t just throw Jimmy out into space and he couldn’t let Anya have the gun because he can’t have his crew killing each other obviously (even if Jimmy is a threat).

The only critique I have of Curly at this point is doing more to protect Anya. He could have made a better effort to keep Anya safe from Jimmy and really put his foot down when confronting him.

Although again with all of this, it just boils down to Jimmy. If manipulation doesn’t work with Jimmy, then he uses threats or brute force. Curly probably knows that Jimmy is unstable, and probably didn’t know what he would do if he had been firm with him or done literally anything that could be seen as against him, evidence being the birthday scene. Everything that happened and everything Curly fell flat on was becuase of Jimmy’s manipulation and unpredictability tendencies, so really, it’s not 100% his fault.

Tldr; While Curly could have done a little more and should be critiqued, all of the stuff he falls flat on is because of Jimmy just like everything else in the story, so people should stop treating him like he’s a bad person or could keep Jimmy in control because he was a victim too.

[floral-hex]

Short story, then longer vent after the cut:

Psych keeps scheduling me for telehealth. Psych changed my meds with little consultation. Psych did this on a Friday and didn’t respond to email or calls (while their office was still open for the day), so I spent the weekend grumpy and stressed about meds. Today I set up an appointment with a different psych (for tomorrow, even! Wow, what god did I please to pull off an appointment that soon?).

Still grumpy. Still stressed.

Anyway, had ANOTHER telehealth appointment with my psych on Friday. I hate telehealth. He kept saying we’d eventually do an in person, but then the session would end and I’d get an email confirmation saying the next one was telehealth. Dumb. My counselor/therapist works in the same office and told me the psych basically just works telehealth from home and sits on his laptop scrolling Fox News. Not a very personable guy, made me feel like I was in the principal’s office in our first meeting, but I’m a pushover and just went along with it.

ANYWAY (another anyway), telehealth appointment, only it’s actually just a phone call bc he can’t get his telehealth to work (second time he hasn’t gotten it to work in two months!). So me with my hearing impaired ass had to suffer through a 20 minute phone call where he was, I can only assume, on speakerphone deep in a cave somewhere. He switched around my meds, one to a dose I didn’t want to be on and another brand new that he DID NOT go over with me. Really, no explanations, just “lemme try to prescribe this new med for you. It’s called brbrbrbr and if I can’t get the pharmacy to approve it, I’ll call you back,” and that was IT. No more details. No going over interactions or side effects. Then he was rushing, saying he was late for another appointment. So we hang up, I start researching the new med and there’s lots of red flags. I email an alternative idea. No response. I call back the office and am told he’s gone and his medical assistant is gone. So… fuck it. Called today and asked to see a new psych. No problemo. New guy is at least recommended by my therapist, so I’m a bit more hopeful. No one needs to or should read this, but I wanted to vent a little.

angery. grumpery, even.

[runabout-river]

Thoughts on JJK chapter 268 (spoilers)

So many thoughts. So many...

Sukuna and Megumi finally come face to face and talk with each other but as far as emotional connections and resolutions between them are concerned there isn't much and I will have to say that in that point Gege fumbled the story telling.

He should've put the spotlight on Sukuna and Megumi at multiple points in the story after the possession but he chose to put Megumi to the side which makes his appearance here at this moment less impactfull

But more on that later...

What's really interesting about Sukuna in these first two pages, is him appearing calm and collected in his first panel but then his game is up and we see that through Megumi talking to him

It's really good imagery. Sukuna the shapeless monster that devours everything but then gets reduced to nothing inside the domain between him and Megumi.

I'm certain that Megumi's new will to live actively pushed Sukuna into that state where Yuji was able to punch those two apart.

Again for emphasis:

Megumi pushing Sukuna away is visualized by his words shrinking Sukuna's black soul. If Megumi had completely lost his will to live instead of wanting to fight on for Yuji, Sukuna would've most likely eaten and sank Megumi's soul completely into darkness at that point, leaving Yuji's last soul punch without effect.

Without Megumi fighting back, Yuji wouldn't have been able to separate Sukuna from Megumi's body.

The double page spread was breathtaking and invoked the horror part of this story again.

Sukuna's... remaining form lying on the ground, first looking forward to Megumi and then looking up at Yuji... So striking

Yuji then still talking to Sukuna because he wants to save him after he realized that they had similar beginnings but Sukuna didn't have a grandpa to help turns this moment quite sad

Sukuna backstory when??

And finally Sukuna calls Yuji by his full name while he rejects his offer again, fading into nothing. But he says that he should'n't be underestimated because he's a curse and I made an entire post once about Sukuna ascending into one.

Right now though we have a huge question that needs to be answered: from what did Sukuna die right now? Because when the answer isn't from a CE attack, then he will return as a proper curse.

Uraume meanwhile dies in panels that are strategically placed to not completely answer the question of her (their) gender.

Megumi wakes up and he's scarred. Those scars are not from the battles though. The ones over his right side are from Sukuna's mask and the one under his left eye is from his second eye. Symbolism.

Those are physical representations of the torture he went through under Sukuna's presence and the mark he left on him. Only the torture that was shown... has less impact than I had hoped. Gojo's attack on Megumi e.g. left him suffering UV effect for 1700 years and that's not a factor in any of this apparently.

Megumi has the physical scars but the story behind it is lacking because we didn't see Sukuna and Megumi interacting.

Megumi and Yuji just go back to how things were and that leaves the emotional impact hanging again. Yes, we can explain their psyches on that but in storytelling some things are just more impactfull than others.

Nobara and Yuji wanting to prank Megumi was peak and the last letters from Gojo were also funny but again the emotions surrounding that were a little funky imo

Look at the three they're all scarred now.

Something else I would probably criticize Gege's story structure for is that Nobara's scars have barely any relation to Mahito and that Megumi's scars have no impact from his underdeveloped relationship with Sukuna.

Yuji carries the emotional and structural beats of the manga and that's okay, he's the protagonist after all but that makes the scars on the others look more like paint... Again, in my opinion.

The last panels are about Yuta and whatever he has going on with Gojo's body. We'll see in the last three chapters...

And that brings me to a point I can't stop thinking about.

Is this the actual end of JJK, or is there a Part 2?

Because there are so many different plot points left, things that could easily make an entire 200 chapter story arc. And then comes Gege and adds another new plot in the point of Nobara's mother to the mix.

We have not seen Megumi's completed domain expansion.

There are things missing in the story that deserve their own post and some complaints I have might actually be dismissed when the manga in a new Part continues. And with every new chapter that gets released until we come to the end that gets more and more likely...

[paingoes]

Destroyer

Medical Conference

hi guys um. i cant stop writing destroyer. i swear ill figure out a system to organize these “bonus” chapters soon i promise i promise

delta is eighteen in this but the chapter delves into abuse he experienced when he was a child so cw for that

(Content: living weapon whumpee, lab whump, medical whump, put on display, dehumanization, conditioning, noncon drugging, needles, non-consensual/nonsexual nudity, noncon touching, physical abuse, emotional whump, angst, child abuse, child death mention, parental whump?)

~

“I forgot, sir,” Delta tried weakly. He knew as soon as he said it that he should’ve just kept quiet.

“No, you didn’t. You’re going to lie about it as well?” Dr.Martino shut down the attempt, focusing his attention back to the device.

Delta laid down unmoving against the steel table as the scanner searched over him. It gave him mild electric shocks each time it passed. Of course, he hadn’t been looking forward to the diagnostic tests. But he hadn’t been trying to get out of it entirely. That wouldn’t have worked. He only wanted more time to psych himself up for it. Too long, apparently. He’d had to be collected for it. It’d been a bad note to start on.

The rest of the exam went on in silence, without anymore mention of his avoidance. As Delta redressed, he thought he might’ve been off the hook for it. Dr.Martino was fumbling though his desk drawers like he’d already left. 

He produced two unopened packs of pencils from inside the desk. Delta deflated a little bit. 

Delta took the pencils and arranged them in two rows along the floor, lined up flush against one another. Gingerly, he kneeled down on top of them.

“Hands behind your back,” the doctor said, leaning back in his chair.

Already there. He knew the drill. He lowered his head, silently counting. No longer than twenty minutes, usually. No fewer than ten.

When he looked up again, Martino was leaning back against the table, flipping through a folder.

“The ISCEM conference is coming up in a month,” he said offhandedly, as if this would mean something to him.

“Okay?” Delta answered, more in confusion than anything else. He hadn’t meant for it to be disrespectful. 

Nevertheless, Dr.Martino’s shoe pressed down against his calf, driving the pencils further into his skin. 

“Yes, sir,” he quickly corrected himself. The pressure disappeared. The pain stayed where it was.

“You were probably too young to remember the last one, weren’t you?” Dr.Martino sighed.

“Yes, sir.” He didn’t really think about it. He was pretty distracted by the numbness traveling down his legs.

“Well, put it on your calendar. Don’t want you forgetting again.”

“Yes, sir.” 

He didn’t have a calendar.

~

“Mention the steady-state thing we discussed. I have files on it, I - is it too late to make a copy? I will. And if you could just please pass along a message for me, I would be ever so grateful,” Simon went on, fumbling through his own briefcase, trying to give what he could. Dr.Martino took the reports from him, flipping them around to see the equations he’d scribbled onto the back.

“You’re not coming? Sir?” Delta added the “sir” on as an afterthought, conscious of the doctor’s presence. Simon himself rarely demanded such formalities.

“Don’t interrupt,” Dr.Martino snapped, more tense than usual. But Simon obliged him, stepping a little closer.

“Not my scene.” Simon patted his head. It was soft, but Delta reflexively flinched away from any hands that drew too near to his face. 

Something on the desk beeped. The transit had rafted up. 

Delta held his wrists up easily as Martino presented the cuffs. They were psychic tech, meant to restrict his powers more than the collar already did. Presumably some kind of safety measure. He felt his world going flat as they clicked into place, all his spatial awareness reduced to a single field of view. The effect was extremely disorienting. He nearly fell over getting off of the table.

~

He’d mostly evened out by the time they’d gotten to the hotel. He sat idly against the chair he’d been placed in, watching the doctor unpack. Everything in the room was the same shade of beige. 

It seemed like they should’ve been able to go. Martino abruptly produce a vial from the bag. Delta recognized it as a sedative. He inserted the syringe into it, drawing it back up.

“I’ll behave, sir,” Delta offered. He eyed the needle warily; he’d usually have been given something in the way of warning.

Martino shook his head. He took a firm grip of Delta’s arm.

“Believe me, this is for your own good.”

Delta tensed his arm up, holding still as the needle entered him. Something cold shot into his veins. It took a long time for the chamber to empty. 

~

It hit him before they even reached the elevator. He clung to Martino’s arm, needing something to brace himself against, however briefly. Martino assured him he wouldn’t have to stand for long. They moved backstage at the panel. Delta nearly collapsed into the fold-up chair.

The cuffs were briefly removed as he was given the medical gown to wear. His hands moved slower than he would’ve liked, but he was able to put it on. It tied along the front, leaving much of his chest exposed.

Dr.Martino took a minute to make sure it was fitted correctly. He cursed, noticing for the first time the visible boot print against the side of Delta’s ribs. 

“Great. They’re going to think I beat you.”

You do beat me, Delta thought. Not as much as he used to. Not as much as Paris. But Martino still hit him. 

The doctor felt over the bruise with his hand, reigniting the pain. Delta winced. It was recent — still tender. The sedative helped a bit. All his thoughts were coming to him in a haze.

There was nothing that could be done to cover it, so apparently they were just going to ignore it. The cuffs came back on around his wrists. He led Delta out onto the platform regardless, sitting him up against the stool. It was had a back to it, luckily. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to stay upright without it. He’d been trained enough not to slouch or to look so outwardly high, but it was definitely a struggle to maintain neutrality. He kept his head down. It was the safest, the easiest to maintain for a long period. People gradually filed in. Though he was used to being put on display, the sterility and lack of decorum in this new space made the whole thing feel all the more jarring. It all felt far away, though.

His eyes closed without meaning to. When he tuned back in, Dr.Martino was droning on. He recognized some of the words. He would’ve recognized more if he wasn’t drugged. It was a talk about internal power generation. Conduits. There was a hand on his shoulder. Delta stood up from the chair. The gown was pulled down a bit from his shoulders.

Martino pressed the multimeter to his collarbones, watching the number climb until it broke. He pulled it away before it could burn up completely. He pressed a thin disk up against Delta’s chest, where it held there. It was some kind of controller. A thin arc of electricity emerged from it without any conscious intention on his part. More appeared, each of them branching away from his body like a plasma ball. The effect was immediate; that familiar fear crept into the eyes of the audience. 

It cut all at once. The disk was removed. Delta sat back down on the chair, pulling the gown back up over himself. 

The lights darkened. Behind him, a clip show began to play. He didn’t need to look back. He’d seen it plenty of times. Different explosions, annihilations, destructions. All his own work. He could recount each of them to the second. It played for a long time.

For some reason, they clapped when it was over.

~

“Sorry — do you mind if I look at it?” 

Delta opened his eyes again, sensing the it in question. He tensed up. 

He hated being touched. The moderator stripped the gown back again. He felt the electric pulse still going about Delta’s clavicle. His hands traveled around the collar. 

“I’m biomedical by trade,” the man explained, tapping at the gold, “This is custom, yes? When was it made?”

“The model’s about five years old. It gets updated about once a year.”

“Incredible. I see some scarring, though.”

Delta shivered as the fingers traced the burn scars by his neck, a bit on his trapezius. They were in the shape of a Lichtenberg figure.

“That seems non-optimal?”

“Those actually predate the collar. They’re a natural result of it overextending itself during an exercise. The restrictor works as a stopgap to prevent that kind of burnout.”

Though he’d expected it, it still jarred Delta just how easily Martino slipped back into calling him it.

Another scientist approached. She slid up to Martino, shaking his hand eagerly.

“Oh, darling.” He embraced her. She grinned, readjusting her jacket as they pulled away.

“Danny, it’s been ages. How are the girls?” Her nails clicked together.

Danny. The girls. Martino actually had a family. Not that he ever saw them. He had daughters. They’d been kids, the one and only time Delta had ever met them. They had to be in their twenties by now. 

“Brats, the lot of them. They’re smart, though. Smarter than I was at their age.”

“Well, that’s not saying much.”

Delta was not surprised when her hands traveled onto him. He barely flinched this time. But he hadn’t expected her to speak to him.

“Oh, and look at you. You’re all grown up now, huh?” 

She gripped his chin in between her fingers, studying his face. The touch wasn’t harsh, nor was it gentle.

“You probably don’t remember me.”

That was correct. Her face was vaguely familiar, but he could find no memories to attach to it.

“He’s a bit distant at the moment. You’ll have to forgive him,” Martino answered for him.

She released her grip, turning her attention back to the doctor. Even in his current state, it didn’t take him long to put it together. She’d been one of the teachers at the Institute. He wondered how many of them were wandering around out there now. Most of them. Dr.Martino had been the only one to retain some semblance of his position. All the other administrators had been cast away just the same as the students.

He had forgotten nearly every one of their names.

~

Martino packed up the last of the day’s display materials, arranging all of it back into the suitcase. It’d been a success, as far as these things go. He’d revealed all he could without breaching the terms of his contract. All the real science was under a strict NDA. It was nice to catch up with some colleagues, though. It was healthy to be off of a spaceship every once in a while.

He tugged Delta’s sleeve, pulling him up from the plastic chair. He took a minute to undo the cuffs; he’d thought they were an excessive measure to begin with and they had prevented any real show of power. Delta rubbed idly at the marks they had left there.

They made their way back up to the hotel room. The drug had not yet worn off; Delta still stumbled a bit when he walked. He’d redressed himself in a thick hoodie, trying to keep out the chill from the overactive AC or perhaps just trying to hide. 

The door opened. Martino dropped his suitcase onto the bed. Presumably out of habit, Delta lowered himself to the floor, kneeling there. Waiting for instructions, as if he could have followed them. Martino scoffed. 

“You can sit on the bed. I booked a double room for a reason.”

He watched the whole minute it took for his words to sink in. The way it took even longer for Delta to actually rise, blearily climbing up onto the mattress. His hands gripped searchingly across the blanket, pulling up the edges like he needed something to hold onto.

Martino ignored him. He moved to the far side of the room and opened the door to the balcony. The city skyline was clearly visible just down the road. The lights from it shone brighter than the stars from space. Martino produced one of the foreign cigarettes from its packet. The ember burned in the dark night. It was all quiet.

“What was I like when I was little?”

He turned to look at Delta. The kid was drugged out of his mind. He might’ve given him too much.

Dr.Martino took a long drag. He rarely smoked, so used to the endless sterility that he would not so much as dirty the air. But tonight was a rare night.

“What were you like?” He ashed the cigarette, turning back to look at the night skyline. “I don’t remember.”

Delta looked down, disappointed. He pulled the blanket tighter around himself. Martino sighed, losing the battle.

“…You were quiet. Same as you are now. You mostly kept to yourself.”

He gave no visible reaction.

“You didn’t get along so well with the other kids,” Martino admitted, some disdain entering his voice. 

Delta looked up. His expression was totally blank.

“Why do you hate me?” he asked.

It was manipulative, and self-pitying in a way that did not flatter him. Martino put the cigarette out. He stepped back into the room.

Delta shrank back a bit. The doctor looked him over. His eyes had dimmed some, no doubt due to the sedative. His hands were unbloodied. Just looking at him, no one would have know what he’d done. Martino remembered the sound of bones snapping and the bodies out in the yard. He remembered the expression Delta had worn the first time he’d killed — as blank and unfeeling as the one he wore now. He did hate him, he supposed. He’d never been his favorite. All his favorites had been buried a long time ago.

He didn’t say that. He remembered his lines — and he cursed himself for ever diverging from them, even for a second. He would correct it now.

“There is no you.”

Delta opened his mouth as if to object, then thought better of it. Good.

“No more talking tonight,” Martino said.

Delta nodded, laying down onto the mattress. He fell asleep with all the lights on.

…………

tags:

@catnykit @snakebites-and-ink @vivulapom @scoundrelwithboba @whatwhump

@pumpkin-spice-whump @deluxewhump @fuckass1000 @fuckcapitalismasshole @defire

@micechomper @writereleaserepeat @aloafofbreadwithanxiety @pigeonwhumps

[flowerandblood]

The Man and the Golden Gift

[ Amor • Aemond x Psyche • female ]

[ warnings: sex content, oral sex, smut, angst, violence, trauma, mourning, description of murder and wounds ]

[ description: After she is attacked in a fair by a strange man and narrowly avoids death, her father the king decides that from now on she will be watched over by one of his ‘ghosts’, a assassin acting on his orders, wearing a black mask. The man follows her like a shadow, accompanied by their past, which keeps her awake at night. Gothic horror love story, angst, sexual tension, verydark Aemond. ]

This story is several requests combined into one: sworn protector x female; Amor x Psyche; Phantom of the Opera! Aemond x female. I took the liberty of creating a completely new story from this, having only elements of each of these requests.

Series & Characters Moodboard Lady Walford Moodboard Gothic & Horror Sensual Moodboard

Part 1 - The Man with the Black Mask | Part 2 - The Man with the Empty Heart | Part 3 - The Man with the Lost Soul | Part 4 - The Man with the Cold Mouth | Part 5 - The Man with the Deep Scar | Part 6 - The Man with the One Eye | Part 8 - The Man in the Black Crown | Part 9 - The Man with the Bloody Sword | Part 10 - The Man in the Black Gloves | Part 11 - The Man in the Death Cloak | Part 12 - The Man with the Pearly Hair | Part 13 - The Man with the Fiery Gaze

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Next chapters: Masterlist

_____

He was unable to explain to Criston what he felt as he pulled the mask from his face in front of the King and saw the realisation in his eyes that justice has finally reached him.

He was sure he was smiling broadly when, before he could get anything out of him, his dagger slashed his throat, ruby thick blood beginning to flow from his wound onto his blue, gold embroidered robe.

He clutched at the place of the cut, got up from the table and fell over, choking, probably trying to call out to his guards, but all that came out of his mouth was a grunt. He stood over him and watched him die, his pupils slowly became empty as the life drained out of him.

He wanted to wait another week until the troops they were waiting for arrived near the city, but after what his future wife had done, he could not wait.

He was furious because she reacted to the sight of his face, of his scar just as he had feared, because he desired her, because he needed her, and she now abhorred him, could not even look at him.

He knew this would happen, but he felt pain and disappointment anyway.

He thought that what she felt at the sight of him didn't matter − he had already decided that their marriage would not only be purely physical but also political, and although he hadn't shared his plans with his lords, even if he wanted to he wouldn't be able to bear the presence of another woman beside him.

He had united with her through death, grief and blood.

They had long been one.

The nuptials were a mere formality.

Having performed his miraculous act of revenge, he put his mask back on and left the chamber as if nothing had happened, knowing he had little time. He found the ghosts who were involved in his plan and instructed them to spread the word that it had begun.

Criston at the head of his army appeared at the walls of his city within hours, at the same time panic had set in in the fortress − the guards knew that one of the ghosts had killed the King, but they did not know which one because they all looked almost identical.

The first battles began, bloody and brutal − his men, his befriended servants, the ghosts and the guards murdering anyone who fell into their hands.

He did, however, instruct them not to enter Lord Walford's daughter's chamber and to lock up his son.

They succeeded in accomplishing what he had done eight years before, which was to have the effect of surprise; no one was prepared for the King to be betrayed by his own ghost − they no longer knew whom to trust, and the royal guard and army were looking for guilty parties among themselves, unable to put up any real resistance to them.

Long hours passed like minutes, and when at last he stepped into the chamber where his father had deliberated with his advisors years ago, the lords and his allies were already waiting for him.

The fortress had been conquered, their armies were taking over the city.

It was done.

He took off his mask and threw it on the table, feeling free, feeling relieved, feeling satisfied. All those present bowed before him and called him their King, he, however, was thinking of only one thing.

"Bring the daughter of this traitor here."

As she entered the room, led by Criston, he was struck by the fact that her hair was loose, on her body apart from a thin nightgown only a robe tied at her waist. He felt his heart beat harder in excitement as she looked up at his face, fearless, emotionless, confident.

He knew that she was not afraid of death.

That if he decided to end her life, she would accept it with peace of mind.

She was a walking dignity.

"How dare you look straight into the face of your King, traitor!" Shouted one of the lords loyal to him, snapping him out of his reverie as he tried to grab her arm − he furrowed his brow, seeing this, feeling discomfort.

She was his.

"Don't touch her." He said coolly, warningly, with no intention of repeating himself. The man froze, looking at him over his shoulder in disbelief, pointing his finger at her.

"She should be searched immediately, Your Grace. She may be hiding a dagger in her sleeves, we do not know what she will do." He said with certainty in his voice, his gaze directed at her again, her face expressing absolutely nothing.

"Leave us alone. Immediately."

"But, my King…" He heard Ser Criston's voice, but he glanced at him with such a look that he only swallowed. He nodded, leaving first, followed by the other men, who walked hesitantly behind him, looking at Walford's daughter with distrust and displeasure.

The door closed behind them at last and they were left alone.

They stared at each other in silence − his lips pressed together at the thought that he no longer saw the fire and tenderness in her gaze that he had seen over the past few weeks, that he now disgusted her.

What she thought of him didn't matter, however, he still felt a humiliating sense of disappointment.

What had he expected?

He hummed after a moment, deciding he would get to the point, running his fingers along the table top, not wanting to waste either his or her time.

"I understand your disappointment and your grief. In truth, I have procrastinated too long, but I did it with our future in mind. I wanted the takeover of the throne to proceed without…unnecessary disruption and, as if to put it, dramatism." He said calmly, wanting to briefly explain the whole situation to her.

He expected questions from her, but she said nothing; she stood on the other side of the table with her hands folded in front of her, upright and proud, looking at him calmly. He licked his lips in irritation, wondering if she was trying to get him off balance.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

"Is he dead?"

He blinked and snorted under his breath, amused to hear how indifferent and soft her voice was, feeling a sense of satisfaction at the thought that, as he had suspected, her father's death had not particularly bothered her.

"I killed him a few minutes after I left your chamber." He said lightly, cocking his head to the side as he watched her reaction, however her face remained equally calm, as if this information had made no impression on her.

"How?" She asked with emphasis, as if she expected him to do the right thing and he licked his lips at the thought.

"I cut his throat." He hummed with delight, recalling the scene, that wonderful, sweet feeling of achieving the revenge he had so dreamed of. She lowered her gaze, as if musing for a moment, and then raised her eyes to him again, her brow furrowed slightly.

"Good. What about my brother?" She asked firmly, a note of threat in her voice from which he tightened his lips.

"He's in a safe place."

"I want to see him."

His lips twitched in a dangerous grin and he squinted, looking at her watchfully.

If she thought she was going to put conditions on him, she was wrong.

"You'll see him once we get everything settled."

Her look changed, her eyes got bigger − he could see the surprise in her gaze, as if she had no idea what he meant.

He felt irritation at the thought that she had already forgotten what she herself had asked him to do, and what he had promised her.

"We need to discuss the details of our nuptials and coronation in the coming days. They should take place as soon as possible." He said dryly, looking away from her towards the flames, feeling his heart pounding fast, unable to bear the humiliation if her reaction was as he feared.

"I don't expect your pity. I will not tell anyone about what has happened between us, I will spare myself this humiliation. Send me back to the monastery or wherever you see fit." She said with a kind of weariness from which he felt a tightness in his throat − he looked at her shocked, not believing what he had heard.

Send me back to the monastery or wherever you see fit.

She did not want to be his wife.

She didn't want to be his queen.

She didn't want to be his.

"Are you that disgusted with me?" He asked furiously, clenching his hand into a fist, feeling a squeeze in his heart and discomfort in his stomach, unable to contain the terrible, hot feeling of disappointment that shook his muscles.

She looked at him in disbelief, her lips parted in surprise and suddenly she laughed pearly − he felt his lower lip tremble at the thought that she was mocking him.

"With you? I'm disgusted with myself." She said touching her hand to her chest.

"I believed you like a naive little child. Aren't you tired of lying?" She asked with a pain, sadness and regret that made him breathe loudly, looking at her with wide eyes.

He stood up suddenly, roused by some brutal, sharp feeling that surged through his body, and after a moment he was in front of her, his large, rough hand clamped down on her slender, soft neck − she drew in air loudly, looking at him helplessly, grabbing his wrist, however, not trying to defend herself.

"Lying?" He hissed furiously, aggressively lifting the material of her robe and chemise in a swift motion, his free hand pressing between her thighs, he heard her squirm in terror and surprise.

He sighed quietly in relief as he felt her sticky moisture under his fingers, teasing her pearl with slow movements, his hand rising from her neck to her cheeks and cupping it, forcing her to look at him.

"That's what you call a lie? Hm?" He growled enraged, his fingertips rubbing her with an increasingly loud, wet click of her juices − she mewled helplessly, surprised as he slid two fingers deep into her tight, fleshy insides, his manhood throbbed hard in his breeches as he felt her clench around him.

"Don't you want this? Do you want me to stop? Come on, fucking get it out of you." He hissed, grabbing her hair, pressing his forehead against hers, looking directly into her eyes, wanting to read anything from them − her pupils were dilated, her gaze clouded, her cheeks flushed with exertion and emotion, her wonderfully plump and shiny lips slightly parted.

He sped up, sliding his fingers in and out of her faster and faster, pressing and kneading intensely on the spot inside her from which quiet, helpless whimpers erupted from her throat.

"− ask your husband, tell him what you want − come on, you know I'll give you fucking everything −" He growled almost in despair, wanting nothing more than for her to tell him that she still wanted him, that she wasn't disgusted by him, that she still believed, as he did, that they were the same, that they were made for each other by the gods, that they were one.

He felt her hands tighten on his tunic, her hips begin to respond to his treatments.

"− please, husband − please, tell me you didn't plan this −" She mumbled out with a pain from which he felt his throat tighten − he chuckled involuntarily, clenching his eyes, wondering if she even realised what she had done to him.

"− planned? − good gods −" He murmured lowly, massaging her insides with intense, sure motions, her tight walls clenching against him greedily, his hand all sticky from her moisture. "− I almost lost everything − because of you − for you − do you understand? − say you understand −"

She nodded quickly, looking at him in disbelief − he drew in the air loudly and felt a powerful shudder pass through him as her small, soft hand touched his cheek, running her fingertips over his scar in a tender, light movement. He moaned weakly, feeling his cock pulsate hard, and thought with pain that this was what he needed, that he wanted more.

He leaned forward and dared to brush his lips against hers, feeling her warm breath on his skin, her lips wonderfully moist and soft. He rubbed them again and again, her lips beginning to respond to him tentatively, until finally they clung to each other, embracing tightly in each other's arms, his tongue forced its way deep into her throat.

He heard her sigh in relief, her hand running suddenly over the bulge in his breeches − he suppressed a groan, feeling a strong shudder pass through him.

"− please, husband −" She babbled pleadingly. He sighed with satisfaction and relief at the thought that her distance, her trepidation, her coldness was only due to the fact that she was as afraid of trusting him as he was of trusting her, that living with a perpetual sense of betrayal made it seem to her, for certain, only a matter of time before it came from him.

He assured her with the deep, sure thrusts of his hips into her tight core of the permanence of his feelings, panting along with her − he rooted into her with ease, her moisture running down her buttocks making their bodies slap against each other loudly, her hands stroking his hair and cheeks, their lips dancing and rubbing against each other between their ragged, heavy breaths.

"− you're fucking leaking − that's what you call lying? −" He hissed into her mouth, speeding up, her walls clenching around him greedily, making the heat flow through his entire body − he lost the sharpness of mind, focused only on the natural instinct to root deep into her.

"− you're mine −" He muttered, only to come deep inside her after a few desperate thrusts, filling her at last with his seed, her body arched in pleasure and trembled in his arms, her fingers clenched in his hair.

He looked at her, strangely calm and assured, seeing in her eyes what he craved, the same warmth and devotion, the promise of tenderness and security. He licked his lower lip feeling her fingers run over his scar again, thinking about how he wasn't going to make her look at it.

"− I'm going to wear an eye patch every day −" He said indifferently, but she shook her head, furrowing her brow, startling him completely.

"− not in front of me − not in front of your wife − my husband will never hide his face from me again −" She whispered and just hugged him embracing his waist.

He felt a tightness in his throat at her words, some kind of hot emotion, clenched his eyes and cuddled his face into her neck, thinking only of the fact that without her it all would be pointless.

"I have a wedding gift for you."

The sight of them walking down the corridor together caused consternation among his lords, but they dared not say a word when he led her into the chamber that belonged to his mother.

The woman who had saved his life that day was standing facing the window. She turned towards them when she heard the sound of the door opening, looking healthier and more confident than when he had last seen her − her hair was combed into an elaborate bun, her long, dark blue gown with sleeves reaching down to the ground emphasising her slender waist.

He glanced out of the corner of his eye at his future wife and saw that she stood still with her mouth wide open, trembling all over as if she had really seen a ghost, her eyes big and filled with tears. She pressed her hand to her face in a gesture of disbelief, a sort of mumble came from her throat, and then she threw herself with a sob into the arms of her mother, who embraced her tightly.

He looked at them and thought only of how all his life he had dreamed of such a miracle for himself, of how one day someone would lead him to a room where it would be his mother waiting for him.

He swallowed loudly, realising with a clenched throat that it would never happen, but he had no regrets about sparing this suffering to the woman he had chosen to be his queen.

He wanted her to know that he could also be merciful.

That although cold and cruel, he was not heartless.

He decided to leave them alone and give them some privacy.

That same night he came to her, to her chamber − she raised herself on her arm when she caught sight of him, something in her eyes that made him hot.

"− my King −" She whispered softly, warmly, with longing, desire and promise − he felt the way she said those words in his cock, which throbbed hard in his breeches.

He approached her without a sound and parted his lips in a sigh of delight as she immediately rose up on her knees, her hands without question reached for the clasp of his tunic, undoing it with ease, untying his breeches.

A low, surprised moan escaped his lips as her hand immediately grasped his manhood and squeezed it − it throbbed hard in her grasp, his hand involuntarily reaching for her cheek, his thumb running over her soft, warm skin.

He pressed his lips together and let the air out loudly, holding back the groan that wanted to escape his throat when her head bent down, slipping the fat, pink tip of his cock into her warm mouth.

"− fuck −" He growled in pleasure, feeling a powerful shudder run through him as her tongue began to tease and lick him, his fingers moved up and tightened in her hair − he stared at her in disbelief, feeling his heart pounding fast.

"− do you wish to show gratitude to your King? − hm? −" He exhaled and she nodded, breathing rapidly, her eyes closed. He sighed loudly as she slid his hard, swollen manhood deeper between her lips and began to suck it, squeezing the part she couldn't fit in with her fingers − he tilted his head back, horrified at how much it aroused him, how hard he pulsed in her throat.

"− gods, fuck, slow down −" He mumbled, despite his words involuntarily starting to rock his hips inside her mouth, slapping the head of his cock against the back of her throat.

She moaned with the effort of feeling it, refusing to stop − the sight of her sweet lips clenched around him, her innocent face between his thighs was something he couldn't deny himself despite wanting so badly to come deep inside her.

"− thirsty for my seed, hm? − do you want to taste it so badly? −" He muttered between desperate thrusts, clamping both hands in her hair, his swollen length rooting into her mouth with a loud, lewd click of her saliva.

He groaned low as her hand began to squeeze him more intensely, soaking his cock between her lips − she nodded, bringing him to the brink of fulfilment.

"− very well − swallow it, swallow it all − oh, gods, fuck-fuck-fuck −" He breathed out, feeling the pleasure shake through him as his spend finally spilled deep down her throat − he heard her struggle to take in what was flowing out of him, not letting even a drop go to waste.

He stroked her head, looking at her with pride, affection and tenderness, rocking his hips in her mouth for a while longer, listening to the wonderful sound of swallowing.

"− you will make a fine Queen −"

_____

Aemond Taglist:

(bold means I couldn't tag you)

@its-actually-minicika @notnormalthings-blog @nikstrange @zenka69 @bellaisasleep @k-y-r-a-1 @g-cf2020 @melsunshine @opheliaas-stuff @chainsawsangel @iiamthehybrid @tinykryptonitewerewolf @namoreno @malfoytargaryen @qyburnsghost @aemondsdelight @persephonerinyes @fan-goddess @sweethoneyblossom1 @watercolorskyy @randomdragonfires @apollonshootafar @padfooteyes

[bonbonshideout]

Who I think the crp would target pt.1

Ticci Toby:

Personally, I feel he would mostly target abusive parents, but if he's out and just bored out of his mind, he'll kill whoever he stumbled across. When ut comes to abusive parents, I feel he would be a bit stalkerish, he'll find a parent or an adult, stalk them for a few days, see how they handle life and treat their families, if he sees any forms of abusive in any manner, he'll go for their ass, at night, in broad daylight, he doesn't give a fuck.

Ben Drowned:

He wouldn't really kill people, but instead, electronics; he would be one of those viruses that you'd find on social media. Once he gets ahold of your device, it'll go haywire to start. Suddenly it'll reset and seem like nothing happened, however Ben would 100% love to mess with the person, opening random apps, turning on/off any alarms they might have, call random people in the contact list, etc. He would end up causing the person to go insane— be it or not his intention— to the point they probably kill themselves.

Jeff The Killer

Like Kuchisake-onna, I feel Jeff would wear a mask of some sort, go up to people, and ask if they think he's pretty, not matter what they say, he'll carve a smile into their face anyways. He just likes to do it. If ya run into him, group or alone, you'll most likely be found dead later on anyways. He likes to kill everyone he runs into

Eyeless Jack

Steming from my headcanons for EJ — linked here — He would kill whoever he finds on the Appalachian trail. He would definitely stalk them throughout their hikes and find a moment where their guard is down and can make one swift motion. He prefers a clean and quick murder. He would probably use his voice to trick people into getting closer - like that of a skinwalker or wendigo - and get them that way. Usually leaving the trails unbothered and a way to keep people coming without much worry.

Clockwork

Doctors, or psychward doctors. Just anyone in the medical field; they're what pretty much why she's kinda what she is now, she holds some sort of grudge, even if it wasn't entirely their fault. She especially hates those that work at psych wards because patients usually end up worse than they were when first arrival. She wants them all to feel what she felt and just understand the suffering they inflict on many people.

Jane The Killer

I feel she wouldn't really kill anyone, she's mostly going after Jeff so she's trying to mostly keep people safe, if that makes sense? But if she were to kill, it would probably be security. As bad as she may feel for doing so, it tends to happen that they get in her way to find and properly locate Jeff.

Nina The Killer

She just does it for fun. She kills whoever she wants to. She does prefer killing other serial killers, though, usually gives her a bit of a challenge, and she's always up for that.

X-Virus

He doesn't have a preference, he'll see a passer by and spike their drink with some crazy concoction he's created and watch as they slowly start dying whilst taking notes of the effects of said poison.

Sally

She goes for pedophiles and rapists. She tries to help kids when it comes to situations that she had gone through while she was alive, having two forms - which I detail more in my hc, linked here - she l9ves to terrorize these people and make them for crazy, though she doesn't like to get her hands dirty, she prefers making them believe they're hallucinating, which she probably can do. Usually driving the individual to commit suicide in probably the worst ways possible, as she likes to cause more damage when there's a higher chance of them committing.

[thegoodthebadandthequeer]

In Defense of the Criminal Minds “Spencer goes to prison” arc

Uh heads up for mention of drugs and death and stuff. Also this only applies to his actual time in prison and not all the weird shit that happens with Cat later cause I agree that situation is freakin weird.

I know some people aren’t fans of the prison arc but the scene where we see Reid make the conscious choice to contaminate the cocaine he is being forced to move is such an important look into his psyche for me.

Since the beginning Spencer has very much been an autistic-coded character if not explicitly so with an extremely strong sense of morality and justice. So to see him make an active choice to hurt people and probably get at least one if not multiple of them killed is a stark indicator of where he is mentally.

On a surface level this seems like a departure, a complete 180 of the character we’ve spent nearly 12 seasons getting to know. However, when you look at it through the lens of all his previous experiences it makes sense. Spencer Reid is a drug addict, we have to get that straight, it’s not a failure of his character or anyone else’s it is simply a fact. He fought long and hard to stay sober for nearly 10 years while arguably experiencing the most trauma on the show. All of this just to have it taken away like that without warning.

The Spencer we see in prison is probably the most scared and fragile we have ever seen him because he has had his autonomy brutally violated. At the same time this is happening he’s also experiencing what has been established as his worst nightmare. His memory is failing him. One of the one things we see him actually pride himself on is failing. Not only has he been attacked, drugged, and framed but he can’t remember any of it.

This, friends, is where we reach the meat of my little psychoanalysis. Spencer is alone. His mind -his greatest asset- has failed him and his autonomy has been stripped from him by someone he can’t even remember. He’s in survival mode in the simplest of terms. He has been presented to us as logical to a fault and now he has nothing else to fall back on but his logic and the instinct to survive no matter what. This is ultimately what drives him to behave the way he does during all of this, he’s effectively shut down except for those two things.

Furthermore this is why I believe that this arc doesn’t attempt to make Spencer “less autistic coded” but instead mirrors at least my experience as an autistic person in reaction to a dangerous or frightening environment. The whole event, however, makes me incredibly grateful for his moral compass because he is literally the “I know 200 ways to kill a man” guy and this feels like the shows way of reminding us how lucky we are he’s on our side.

[seriousbrat]

I'm extremely unfair to Remus on this blog, the truth is fanon remus is personally offensive to me on many levels so I'm loath to give him protagonism of any kind lol. But that's not fair at all to a character that actually, when all's said and done, I do love. perhaps the marauder I'm least interested in (lol) but he still rates high on my list of fave hp characters and I honestly find him a very pleasant perspective to write from. he's just like some guy. his big crime is negligence/avoidance and I love that for him. to be honest I think his position is a difficult one to fully understand, he is a character that I'm able to muster up a lot of empathy for because of that. like can any of us irl understand what it's like to turn into a literal monster every month since childhood, the point-blank rejection and hatred from society, and what effect that might have on someone's psyche? it's interesting!!!

moony's worst hits, lets go:

remus tolerating the marauders' bullying: obv this was wrong. he was the only one who recognised it was wrong, and he tolerated it. he 'made them feel ashamed of themselves' sometimes per sirius, but honestly I can understand why he never spoke up. I don't think we should underestimate how rare the marauders' tolerance, not only tolerance but the lengths they went to to help remus with his condition was. for a teenager? I can only imagine how that must have felt tbh. he likely thought that he barely deserved their friendship and loyalty and that he was lucky to have it so why would he do anything to ruin that

remus not telling anyone about sirius being an animagus: bad lol, his worst moment probably. again, though, I can understand it even though I don't justify it. the trust dumbledore had placed in him, first to accept him at hogwarts and then again as a professor (we know how difficult it is for werewolves to find employment of any kind) and he just couldn't face betraying that trust. Luckily for Remus it turned out ok but it is kind of insane that he didn't tell dumbledore tbh.

remus not writing to harry: idc about this personally lol but to me it ties into remus's inferiority complex. he doesnt, and will never, see himself as anything like a father figure to harry the way sirius does. he barely sees himself as a worthy father to his own kid let alone the complex case that is harry. is that unfair to harry and unempathetic? yeah probs but also it makes sense to me even beyond the reason Remus gives in canon for not writing. He put Harry in terrible danger in PoA and given Remus's self-hatred he probably feels guilty about that lol.

walking out on Tonks: his other worst hit. But I can understand him, even though I think Harry was 100% right to tell him off. Again we've got this man's crippling inferiority complex, from what he says he thinks he's a burden and a curse to both Tonks and Teddy-- and you know what, society isn't exactly contradicting this belief. Obviously Tonks doesn't agree and that should be all that matters, but sometimes it doesn't seem that way. There's avoidance here (Remus's big flaw) and I legit think he thought he was doing Tonks a favour by disappearing on some quest with Harry and likely dying in the process. Interesting stuff but also very sad.

all this to say, I don't believe in "defending" characters, just understanding them, and even though I barely post about him I do find Remus very interesting, worthy of empathy in many ways. I'll admit the werewolf thing leads me to give him more of a pass than other characters just because I find that so horrible lol and feel so sorry for him but anyway. a good character in my opinion.