#this probably came out very rambling and incoherent

[kitorin]

8:13 am - s.akito

Shinonome Akito doesn't and hasn't loved.

He adores and loves his mother of course, and she reciprocates full heartedly. Him and Ena may constantly argue but they both know very well that they'd die for each other. But in an romantic context he's absolutely repulsed.

Akito doesn't want it. Music is above everything and everyone. Relationships can't compare to the fleeting moments of the spotlight during a show—nor the exhilarating satisfaction of noticing improvement after excruciating hours of practice.

It's such an ugly concept too. His father only hurts his sister, almost singlehandedly ruining her art career and being the sole reason she can't believe in herself anymore— all while justifying his actions with the excuse of love.

Akito doesn't want love either. The only enticing desire that ever came to visit him were self improvement. It's a satisfactory way of living. Unlike others he never suffered from pining for another nor struggling to pick up the pieces of his own heart— it can't happen if he doesn't open it up to anyone at all.

It was futile thought, no matter how much he tried to follow that philosophy, or how long he's been able to abide by it— because right next to him lies the disruption in his peace.

Sunlight bleeds through the curtains, illuminating your sleeping expression, Akito observes the gentle rise of your chest, entranced with your gentle breathing.

Romance is stupid. So is love, trivial and useless, if it hurt his family then why should he bother luxuriating in it. It's foolish, an utter waste of time, something only an idiot would bother pursuing.

Yet he finds himself here, remaining in bed just to stare at someone, despite the fatigue itching behind his eyes.

Even with your hair in a mess and your face lazily squished against a pillow, it's one of the most ethereal sights he's ever laid his eyes on. A sight only for him. Akito always adores how you look no matter what, but something about seeing you at full peace makes him smile a bit harder.

He hated it, loathed how you were the bane of his existence, the fault in his once flawless discipline. Akito always prioritises practice. He doesn't spend money unless it was for the sake of his performances. And he abides his strict sleep schedule constantly.

But here he is, hours past the time he usually wakes up, admiring the person he's probably spent almost tens of thousands of yen on, even if there's a bit of drool accumulating on their bottom lip.

Akito can go on about how much he hates you. Ever since you stepped into his life, he found himself skipping practice to hang out with you. Prize money went to buying you your favourite books, and the time reserved for picking out song lists went to binging all of your show recommendations. One of his solo shows were entirely forgot by him; all because he felt the urge to blurt out his feelings for you.

You're a flaw. A weakness. A falter in what he calls control.

Initially, he thought he lost it. With how he was constantly reminded of his infinite adoration for you, it didn't take long to accept.

Every detail of you is imprinted in his mind. Your rambles sooth his stress; you could be complaining about someone and it'd still be music to his ears. The way you express yourself is so sweet to him, as smooth as honey and saccharine like the summer air. Your touch is warm, a comforting spring night that flushes his face red every single time.

Being loved was just as addictive. No one's ever bought him flowers, or written him poetry or little love notes during class. He'd never kissed someone until you, nor laughed so hard until he gasped for air.

Through half lidded eyes he notices movement in your body, with a yawn your arms reach out to Akito, though not quite enough to pull him closer. He obliges to your motions, muscular arms wrapping around you as he plants a kiss on your forehead.

"Mornin'."

You respond with incoherent murmurs, burying your face into his warm chest, pressing against his now racing heartbeat. He stifles a laugh after seeing your reaction, patting your head.

A glimpse at the time and he knows he should probably go home soon. His mum must be worried after he stormed out of the house late at night, almost breaking down from hearing another argument invade the comfort of his room.

"I need to go." Raspy and careful, he whispers into your ear. "I'll see you at school." His movements halt as you cling onto his wrist.

"Stay. Please."

As if second nature Akito complies. His body obeys before he can even process your words mentally, returning to your initial position with him. He takes it as an opportunity to throw your blanket back onto you.

"Are you sure...? Didn't you have a morning shift today?"

"I wanna stay here with you."

And I would stay here with you forever, if I could. "I'll be here for as long as you'd like then." Another kiss. This time on your cheek.

"Can't go to work anyways." He asks why, mumbling with his face against your neck. "'m sick."

Akito withdraws. "Really?" Urgency wards off lethargy. Was he out of it? He didn't notice you cough or sneeze, and your breathing seemed stable too.

You nod, wearily. "Yeah. Lovesick." Akito flicks your forehead, almost instantaneously.

He ignores your complaints. "Idiot. Don't worry me again." He scolds you as if a smile wasn't tugging at his lips. "C'mon, sleep more. We stayed up late last night."

"Worry about yourself more. You literally carried me to my room because I fell asleep on the couch."

He shrugs it off. "You're not heavy."

In return, you scoff. "Still would've been more convenient to sleep there."

"You say that as if I wouldn't shoulder the weight of the world for your sake." His lithe finger poke your cheek. "One more hour. Sleep just that and I'll buy you lunch later."

"As if you ever let me pay."

Akito shrugs again, he'd do anything for you, that included making sure your wallet was never empty. His father was rich, might as well make the most of it even if he loathes him. "Bookstore as well, then."

You give in, surrendering to his deal. "Fine. Since you're so insistent."

And so he grins at his victory, tucking you in again and joining you. He intertwines his fingers with yours, calloused thumb stroking your knuckles as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear. Akito feels so relax that it finds it unsettling, it's as if he never broke down from hearing his family argue— as if said struggles never existed in the first place.

Love is still poison to Akito, only you seem to make it appear so intoxicating— if it's you he'll allow himself to indulge in said venom, even if it puts his fragile heart at risk.

taglist (send an ask to be added) : @yuzurins, @chigirizzz (not a proper fic but take a drabble in the mean time)

[nanaonmars]

just finished watching batman vs the teenage mutant ninja turtles and tumblr you have failed me. WHERE IS THE CONTENT. i have so many feelings about this movie and they may be incoherent but here we go. bit of a longer post so i cut it here

first of all this is probably my new favorite piece of batman media i loved almost everything about this movie.

starting the movie off strong with my wife barbara gordon. she was so funny in this movie and i loved how much of her smarts and fighting skills were shown cause she can do it allll.

bruce was a little grumpy but when he eventually came around and listened to raph’s speech and agreed that they’re a family i was like 🥹🥹 this is the batman i wanna see.

mikey and alfred’s friendship 💗💗 would love to see alfred actually using mikey’s skateboard.

speaking of mikey I LAUGHED SO HARD THE ENTIRE TIME CAUSE OF HIM 😭😭 his entire vibe killed me lmfao. he was so unserious and i love that about him.

donnie came through as usual and him and babs being the smart duo who wear purple was very nice it made me smile. also it was very cute how often he hid in his shell.

raph was impulsive as usual but he also came through like always. i didn’t expect him to be the one to give the speech but i realized it was actually very fitting.

damian was a little whitewashed unfortunately but his very obviously going through puberty voice was adorable cause he kept trying to be intimidating but i couldn’t take him seriously. i thought he would mention that ra’s was his grandfather to the turtles as a shock factor but it didn’t bother me all that much. i liked his team up with raph bc they’re both secretly softies on the inside.

leo i love you sorry i don’t have a lot to say but keep being eldest daughter coded.

i do wish the rest of the batfamily had been there cause i think it would’ve been nice to see how similar they are to each other and also just explore their dynamics but if we get a sequel maybe they can do something about that. i wanna see jason and raph team up (if jason is red hood in this universe). and maybe HOPEFULLY (not very hopeful at all 😔) we can get the ENTIREE batfamily introduced. i know it’s based on comics and stuff though so i don’t know how they would work that out i’m just rambling. oh i also think we should see splinter!! he and bruce could bond over their teenage vigilante children.

idc about everyone else but i will say ra’s saying “maybe another needs to die” in reference to jason was UNCALLED FOR.

[pjsk-headcanons]

its ya boy, 🎲 anon (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ with genshin impact headcannons this time!!

ichika straight up refuses to play genshin for no logical reason. (source: i was this like 6 months ago and now i have an average of 1.5h+ in genshin a day)

shiho is very secretly into genshin. shes a chongyun main. no she doesnt watch that one streamer. also she despises whales and has no c6s. or c5s. or c4s. or c3s. shes only a chongyun main because she has c2 chongyun and xingqu and she doesnt have the heart to seperate the boyfriends.

saki has the most incoherent horribly unbalenced teams. what is an elemental reaction. also she has no impulse control and 0 primos constantly.

honami doesnt play genshin but she can recite almost the entirety of raiden ei's story quest from the top of her head (because shiho cried in it and wont let it go.)

airi is the only mmj member who plays genshin. she is ar 55 and has streamed genshin pulling in the past. shes not a whale but her viewers are and theyre convinced that yelling "motto motto jump high" in the twitch tts will bless her pulls. it does not. she threw a chair once after losing the fourth 50/50 in a row. hey, at least she has c6 diluc and mona?

kohane doesnt play genshin but she does play honkai! shes kinda shit at it but sticks around for yaoi and dang heng's voice (me too girliepops me too)

toya has only missed 4 days of login in the whole of genshins lifespan. hes entirely f2p. he has all the lore memorised. he predicted natlans release date 3 months before it was announced. if he didnt live with haramuchi hed probably do cosplay. he has c6 furina and got it in 80 pulls. noone believes him. hes max ar. its so intense. he has posters. he has every achievement. hes done every character quest. yeah.

akito is horrific at genshin. like really bad. hes only up to the start of fontaine bc he saw the court scene and decided to replay the ace attorney trilogy. hes a kirara main and doesnt know what elemental reactions are. kinda like saki he has no impulse control and constantly has 0 primos but he has a toya who stole his account info and will grind for him simply bc theres nothing left for him to do on his main.

tsukasa has an account. it functions as saki and toyas reroll account. mostly sakis because toya has impulse control. he has never actually played the game.

nene is an avid genshin player and was ashamed of it at first but now she has keyrings of visions and shit. shes also actual shit at the game itself. shes there for lore, characters and gambling. she has matching albedo/fischl/sucrose pfps with rui and mizuki

rui got genshin bc mizuki played and actually got really into it. hes a childe main but has matching albedo/fischl/sucrose pfps with mizuki and nene.

mizuki plays genshin 100%. theyre unironically really good at it. fischl main though chiori is a close second. matching albedo/fischl/sucrose pfps with rui and nene! (i should specify, not as a ship. like buddies. besties even.) friends in-app with shiho's totally secret account thats not called sbibo or anything. they bonded over crying in raiden ei's character quest. tragic siblings or smth.

ena is a genshin player but only because airi made her get it so she didnt have to stream alone. shes a kaveh main. reads fanfiction. ao3 search history between her and god. arllechino simp. the works.

mafuyu doesnt get to play much but she does sometimes. shes a ganyu main and spends an awful lot of time critiquing the bow users. when sethos came out she cheered in vc. (hes the only one who uses it correctly)

bonus: npcs!!

mio plays genshin!! shes a noelle main and has c5 on her.

nanami plays genshin only when her chat demands it, but shes played with airi before! they failed at windtrace together

kotaro got genshin after hearing toya ramble about it and doesnt really get it. he never got past mondstat but he did watch a 4 hour plot summary and proceeded to understand none of it

yuuki plays online with mizuki a lot but other than that doesnt play much

.

[34saveme34]

MOST INCOHERENT MARWARE RAMBLING INCOMING

I'm so obsessed and I must talk because I love the amount of potential here

like it's. villain x hero's silly sidekick. that's hilarious

like think about it. Puzzles didn't quite get to Mario like to the others

babe's collateral and did he make Puzzles regret that

their dynamic

just the silly in general. I love the early time ship art "what those antennas do" hell if I know but Mario is keen to find out.

it's silly fun! really cute and fun, especially when it stop Puzzles in his tracks. When he expects fear or devotion and instead he gets such a weird and unexpected and chaotic form of adoration with which his heart (if it is still there) cannot handle. it's beautiful. Mario in general just having feelings for him. It's so good

but also I wanna explore the like, specific eroticism that you can put into the Hunt. The way how Mario hunts Puzzles because he craves Entertainment and he'll have it No Matter What, it's so disgustingly amusing and something I could think about forever. I never really understood this before but these 2 REALLY made me understand. Mario smashing every single TV on his way until he finds His One and the Hunt is over? I'm so fucked up, I'M SO F U C K E D

ngl I realise a certain part of the fandom would probably call me a freak for this. I'm calling them catholic guilt ridden

anyways!

the emotional. oh the emotional. Mario already had a different thing going on when it came to villains

I think he is like, the best candidate in general to help Puzzles in redeeming himself. Mario can be SO caring and like like like

it's just ONE facet of this, this isn't how it starts but over time it would become such an important part of this because he grows like, genuine attachment

but the most important thing in the beginning would be is that he's casual. He also has like. a very specific type of emotional maturity, which some people like to call inconsistent writing, I like to call it a quirk and acknowedge it with my whole heart

but it would like, allow the 2 to speak on like, more casual terms

where Puzzles isn't a danger anymore and Mario just so happens to be there at the right time, say the right words

the rights words for Mario to just so obviously see that Puzzles needs a friend so so badly and letting him have it

this once, maybe he can prove to be a cool friend

and oh would he.... oh my goooood would he aaaughgh

because at his core, like, Puzzles isn't evil for the sake of evil, he's evil to obtain what he wants

so like, if he isn't obtaining anymore kdsldlsk I bet he could be fun. Mario would make him touch grass, they would go places together, have some silly adventures together, some more chaotic than the other

a dynamic that would form between the 2 where Puzzles becomes just a bit too soft that he lets Mario get away with things he shouldn't

maybe even helps him because he finds it fun anyways

considering what he was before..... finding solace in chaos and forgetting perfection for a second there...... he finds perfection right beside him....... maybe like, for example in the middle of a food fight Mario causes because they gave him shitty spaghetti or something and Puzzles just seeing the glee on Mario's face over the fun chaos and just. Feeling something in himself. And he wouldn't, for a long time, realise that it's love. He never felt it before

I can almost imagine him turning to romantic movies and such, trying to figure out if the feeling fits. Because it's so so intense in him, he never felt anything like this. He can't talk to anyone about this, he has no other friends in all this. And oooh dhslksdjsd ooOOhOohK?,s,,s,s dsooooooooohhh,,, dsdldk

guys I think he would create. Idk I just think. ijust think .

having experiences in life now, things that just keep replaying in his head, as he is starting to have a life. he would create something from his own head. And it would be like a love letter to Mario. And he would GET IT. And by it I mean. You know. 😲😳😳😳😳😳😳don't make me say it............

okay okay.......!!! He would get Puzzles's homosexual ass.

[aldryrththerainbowheart]

Drunk

Fandom: Castlevania

Characters: Adrian Fahrenheit Tepes/Alucard

Relationships: Adrian x reader

Note: I suck at titles

You walked through the dark hallway in hopes of finding your room. Even after months spent in Castlevania, you still couldn’t navigate through endless corridors even to your own space. You were confident you had walked through this particular hall three times now. Just when you were about to turn left, you heard a faint noise. You keened your ears to decipher the sound and concluded it must be someone's voice. There was only one person other than you who lived in the castle. You pushed the ornate doors to one of the drawing rooms ajar and found Adrian reclining in one of the lounge chairs.

He looked like he was posing for a painting, but then again, he always did. You knew Adrian was something more than a human but these small things which it showed, such as being in a state of constant elegance and poise, no matter the situation, still amazed you. He was lying on the comforter with his torso slightly turned to the back of the chair. One of his legs was stretched over the edge while the other one was bent at the knee. His right arm was hanging off the armrest while the other was holding an empty wineglass precariously perched between elegant fingers. How he didn’t splatter the red liquid on the pristine white shirt, which was unbuttoned to reveal almost the entirety of his chest, was a mystery to you. His head was buried in several pillows and golden tresses fell loosely down the chaise and around his face. He had a faraway look in his eyes and was mumbling something incoherently. When you stepped closer and had a chance to decipher his mumblings, you realized he wasn’t talking to himself, he was singing. Poorly.

“…and the fish’s at the sea…they sway by me…” or whatever gibberish you were able to discern. Probably some tavern song he learned from Trevor. That moment he noticed you standing there, golden eyes squinting at you.

“Oh…hello-” A small hiccup found its way past his lips.

You were trying your best not to laugh but your mouth still twisted into a smile as you watched him cover his mouth in embarrassment.

“Pardon me. I think I’ve had too much to drink.” He sat up, or rather, tried to sit up as he swung his legs over the sofa. You attempted to help him, pressing your arm at his back. “Are you alright?” You tentatively asked him. You didn’t know what his life was like before you came in. He wasn’t willing to share many details about his past, but from the small pieces of information, you concluded he was living a very sad, lonely life. That sometimes resulted in evenings spent drinking away his sorrows.

He shooed your hands away. “Nothing is wrong. I’m a vampire, so I am particularly able to hic keep my countenance in place.”

At that time you were fully grinning at his efforts to remain decent in his drunken stupor. Of course. You thought to yourself while you watched him fix his collar as if to add modesty to the already gaping hole in his shirt. There, you could see the pink sliver of scar that ran across his entire torso, marring the otherwise flawless pale skin. What sort of fierce battle the powerful dhampir face to mark him in such way. Every time you caught sight of that scar, your heart clenched painfully at the thought of Adrian in pain. He snapped you out of your thoughts with his drunken ramblings.

hic “You astound me, did you know that?” He said out of the blue and you were staring at him in surprise. He continued, “You are hic …most incredible person I’ve ever met in my life.” He looked you in the face a desperate look in his eyes as if he needed you to understand his statement more than he needed his next breath. “I mean that I mean it,” he softly whispered. “You are unlike anyone that I’ve ever met in my life, he put his hand on your cheek, studying your features.

“I…expose myself… to you.” You looked at his opened shirt in panic. The last thing you need is to have the dhampir deep in his cups to start undressing in front of you.

Adrian noticed your frightened expression and realized he was misunderstood. With laughter, he added, “no, not like that. I mean emotionally,” he grabbed one of your hands and placed it on his chest, right above his heart. It seems alcohol also made him sentimental. “I bare my soul and you don’t run away. I‘m a vampire lord’s son, THE vampire lord’s son…and you’re not afraid of me…and we can go on walks…and talk…and…and…I’ve just never met anyone like you…” his words dissipated into silence.

hic

Oh, Adrian.

All this time you had no idea he harbored such thoughts in his mind. You had a feeling he was being courteous to you by letting you stay in his castle, but not overly caring for your presence. If you knew what these brief encounters you two shared meant to him…

“I’m rambling a little bit,” Adrian bowed his head in shame and dropped his hand from your cheek to cover his face with it.

“I’m ashamed that you’re seeing me…like this,” he gestured to his disheveled appearance.

You patted his arm with placating smile, “It’s alright Adrian, sometimes we all have our bad days.” Then, you draped one of his arms over your shoulders and took hold of his waist.

Some light stumbling, a few knocked candelabras, and plenty of hauling on your part later, you made it to his bed-chamber. Where was the floating when you need one? You let out a huff as you threw Adrian’s limp body on the bed and almost fell on top of him in the process. The close physical proximity the two of you shared when walking into his room was already enough to paint your cheeks a rosy hue. You threw a blanket over him and prepared to leave when you felt a hand grabbing your wrist. The dhampir was looking soberer now. Still holding your arm, he brought you closer to bed.

He propped himself on his elbows and looked into your eyes with more clarity than before, “I likely won’t remember any of this in the morning…but…,” he paused for a moment as if gathering the courage to finish the sentence.

“I…can I…kiss you? Just one time…”

You were taken aback by his words once more. He practically confessed to you earlier, and the thought of touching those soft, plush lips sounded tempting. You didn’t realize that you’d been inching closer to his face until you felt his wine-laced breath on your lips and by then, you were too lost in his eyes to pull away.

He tasted like the sweetest of vines. Soft and supple, his mouth danced hesitantly over yours. You were sure that no vinery in the world has vine more rare and luxurious than the one you’re tasting on his tongue. You pulled away and whispered to him “goodnight Adrian.”

He mumbled goodnight to you as well and fell asleep mid-sentence.

You chuckled to yourself, caressing his cheek. *Creatures of the night, what symphony they make…*you pondered as you listened to his soft snores.

[impzone]

thoughts about an essay i’m struggling to write

i have been trying to write an essay about how harmful being diagnosed with bpd was for me and my self-image now that i found out i’m autistic. how i embraced a view of myself as a monster who’s ontologically incapable of viewing things objectively, and that all my feelings and thoughts and needs are inherently irrational and i am not to be trusted.

i wanted to write about this because i realized how all my symptoms are literally just masked autism that didn’t get picked up on because i was a little girl. and then after i came out i had bpd slapped on me. i don’t think people realize just how pervasive bias is in diagnosis and it makes me angry they view these labels as objective, unchanging facts. do people know that you could display every symptom in the autism chart, but if you’re a visible minority, or trans, you’re probably gonna be diagnosed with a personality disorder instead? that a lot of people with npd likely were really just autistic but they weren’t white boys and so never got picked up?

every time i think about it i just get so, so angry and it devolves into incoherent rambles. this would be very important for me to write, but i just can’t do it now. i’m still thinking of all the care that was denied to me, about how no doctor believed me when i complained about my executive dysfunction, about how my suffering was never ever taken seriously because i had bpd, about how ill likely never have that taken off my record and if i did get autism officially on there i’d still be denied medical care and might not even be able to get my surgery. im still too sore. realization is still too recent. it all hurts and is unclear ahead.

[idontknowreallywhy]

Teeth 2

Thursday Dad!Scott commute fic time

Ok this is actually the product of two commutes and I posted a little of it before, but the unedited sprint write rule applies to the latter half. I might tidy it up later, it’s a bit rambling… but as it’s based on the thoughts of an inexperienced parent in the middle of the night maybe that’s appropriate!

It’s Scott’s side of this story and is meant to mirror it but forgive me if I’ve got events a bit in the wrong order…

❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙

Scott’s body made it to the hallway before he was even aware he was awake. He skidded to a halt and stood for a moment, one eye still glued shut with sleep, but breathing fast, heart pounding and tried to work out what had activated his internal alarm. He rubbed his face hard and listened intently.

Ok… there were no unusual sounds right now. What had it been?

He staggered to the top of the stairs, was someone down there? He was sure he’d locked up properly but… He held his breath… no noises came from down there… and surely a burglar couldn’t remain that quiet for long.

Just as well. His left foot was half asleep, his elbow was vigorously objecting to the way he’d bounced off the doorframe and pretty much everything was still blurry… he wasn’t going to be much use against an intruder right now. He rubbed his face. Then his elbow. Then his foot.

Maybe it had just been a dream?

Alright. He’d check everyone was alright then go and collapse into bed again.

Heart still pounding furiously he hobbled down the corridor, irritably shaking the tingly foot every other step. And then he heard it…

A whimper.

His eyes widened in realisation. Gordon had been ill! Idiot, Tracy! Should have thought of that first. He hurried towards the room the Tinies shared and slapped Virgil’s door as he passed. He didn’t know what time the kid had last been dosed up as Virg had been the one keeping track.

Taking a breath and listening at the door he could hear quiet sobs and his heart squeezed painfully.

Gently pushing the door ajar his right eye was accosted by a yellow nightlight glow while the left was warmed by red. He picked his way through discarded toys and books, smothering a yelp when his bare toes found something distinctly slimy… what on Earth?! Best not to think about it. That was tomorrow’s problem.

But what was tonight’s problem? Scott stood for a moment in the orangey no-man’s land and held his breath, listening for two sets of lungs in action. The inhabitant of the yellow zone appeared to be sleeping peacefully, if snoring in a somewhat congested fashion. The other was also breathing… very fast. VERY fast. Alan!!

In his haste he became entangled in floor-duvet and only narrowly avoided crippling himself on a rogue Lego brick hidden beneath, but somehow Scott managed to reach the bed without permanent injury and lower himself carefully to sit beside the sweaty, shaking ball of sadness.

What now? Was he asleep? Was it nightmares or night terrors? Should he wake him or would that make it worse? He vaguely recalled someone saying something about not waking a kid with night terrors but how was he supposed to know the difference?! He dithered for a few seconds - why was there nothing on this any of the parenting books he’d frantically skimmed since finding himself standing in for a lost mother and an absent father? Did people just figure this stuff out or was he missing some kind of instinct that should make him certain of what to do?

Alan flinched and sobbed and Scott couldn’t bear it anymore. Throwing caution to the wind, he scooped his brother into his arms and rocked him and murmured reassuring nonsense. This seemed to have been the right call because Alan clung to him and started yammering away incoherently. After a brief panic about brain damage Scott identified the problem with his little brother’s diction and removed the drool and snot coated teddy from his mouth. Ugh. Must remember to wash that, it was probably harbouring multiple diseases.

Not that Alan was making a huge amount more sense now he was able to pronounce consonants. Scott listened hard and racked his brain as to what the kid could possibly be talking about… he was being bitten? Did they have bedbugs? Fleas? Spiders? Alligators?

Wait, what?

Yes Alan was wailing about alligators and clutching his shins and suddenly Scott was a little kid again, trying and failing not to cry on his Mom as she explained his legs weren’t being stabbed by invisible knives. Growing pains. That must be it. Ok. He had a probable diagnosis but what on earth did he do about it? He took hold of Alan’s cold, skinny little legs and rubbed them, hoping the sensation would be a distraction if nothing else. Maybe if he warmed them up… hang on…

Warmth! Yes that was it!

Right on cue, Virgil poked his bleary face around the door and Scott mouthed instructions at him. It took four attempts but finally he seemed to cotton on and disappeared again.

In the meantime, Scott wrapped himself around Alan and hummed Mom’s lullaby - the only thing he could ever think of in times of crisis and luckily a tune that Alan and Gordon seemed to be soothed by. One of the many little ways she was still with them. He glanced up at the photograph of her the Tinies had in pride of place in the middle of the wall… in the neutral zone. The one thing they shared.

Unseen, he nodded a greeting and did his best to return her ever-present smile.

An amount of time passed in which Scott’s eyes grew heavy and he mildly head-butted his little brother a couple of times. Finally the cavalry known as Virg appeared with Calpol, a warmed wheat bag and a distinctly more wakeful expression. Caffeine had clearly been applied. Scott should probably do something about that particular habit of his brother’s but figured there were worse things he could be getting into so settled for rolling his eyes. Virgil had raised his eyebrows with a clear offer but Scott shook his head. He had a couple of hours before he needed to get up and sort out breakfasts and school bags so he hoped maybe he could catch a little bit of shut eye before then.

Pain killers and warmth applied, Virgil repeated his vanishing act. Scott grabbed the duvet off the floor, giving it a shake to even out the lumpy filling and, at the expression on Alan’s face made a show of a thorough check for gators or monsters or whatever he was worried about. Reassurance delivered he dragged the covers over the both of them and managed maybe two lines of the lullaby before Alan was snoring softly.

Suddenly wide awake, Scott lay there with his mind overflowing with anxiety. He worried about Alan losing sleep, about Gordy’s ear infection. He worried about whether they had enough bread left for sandwiches. About whether Virgil was doing terrible things to himself with all the coffee. He worried about John’s friendship troubles and how Scott could help when he refused to talk about it. He worried about how on earth he was supposed to manage any of this when he hadn’t the first clue how to be a proper grown up.

Forcing himself to breathe slowly he squinted up at Mom’s photo and she grinned down at him through the orange haze. He did his best to smile back and then he closed his eyes and hummed the lullaby to himself. She had believed in him so he tried to believe in himself. Maybe he’d just do his best to copy what she had done and hopefully… hopefully he wouldn’t go too far wrong.

❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙

[idkifimawake]

beneficial

fyodor x fem!reader

Canon au , probably before s3

Warnings:Murder , mentions of shots fired and death., blood.

Not proof read

It was another boring day at the school , near the outskirts of Yokohama , school was very boring , you were too high level for all of them , your ability- Order of the Phoenix (where my harry Potter fans at) was much too strong for them , it let you remember all your past life's, being reincarnated each time , and to be able to have an observant view of everything you needed , along with your IQ, and being able to turn into a small fire phoenix and control, you were practically unstoppable. You were well over 500 years old and this was your 5th body? Everything had gotten more boring ,it was more fun in the past , there were so many rules nowadays it was infuriating.

The class bell rang , everyone was in, you sat at the back observing everyone, you barely had any friends, everyone was just so boring, the only person you really would talk to was the old librarian who reminded you of your mother , the teacher's incoherent rambling started , the students listened, it was just an endless loop with no stop until you graduate, but today a boy sat next to you.

He was cheery and blonde. "Hello. Can I sit next to you?" , he had already sat down , what was the point of him asking. Not replying he yammered on. "You've never really talked to anyone yeah? So let's become friends." He said giggling. What was his name? You didn't remember, you sighed as he continued. A few days passed , you could say you would've gotten closer but it was more like he yapped whilst u listen.

But one day. "I need to tell you a secret. I have an ability, it's called the White Nights , it let's me manipulate ice." He said softly. You were taken aback , should you tell him? What if he was lying? Taking a deep breath you started

"I-i have an ability as well , it's called the Goblet of fire , I can force people in a seperate dimension where people have to fight for freedom." It was a lie , you couldn't trust this boy. Naive little you.

The next day the school went on lockdown , apparently terrorists had came to the school and the headteacher had informed the police and they were coming soon. That boy, what was his name? You didn't remember , for the first time in a while you had forgotten something , very ironic. He had disappeared completely. Shots were fired , screams were heard , everyone was gunned down, apart from you.

A tall young man walked in , his white clothes now stained crimson in his blood , who was he and why had he spared you and why did he look so familiar???

"I know you're here, Мой Феникс , just come out and I won't hurt you." His voice had a thick Russian accent, more importantly, how did he know your ability? You stood up hands up in sign of vulnerability, there were three men surrounding him , guns in hand , they were all masked up.

"What do you want?" Breath was stiff , you had never been so scared in your entire life.

"Мой Феникс , do you truly not remember me?" His voice laced with honey , that thick Russian accent was a tune to your ears. "Perhaps this'll make you remember?" A small golden feather fell out his hand , was that yours? He couldn't have known you , you remembered everything , your heart beat quickened , sweat drops were forming and flushing down your face. Were you having a anxiety attack? Not good , you haven't had one in years , the last time you had one was when....

Shots were fired, a shot through your brain and leg , his devious smirk was staring straight at you, the feather still in his hand. You fell back, memories were flushing through you.

"I killed her boss , is that all you needed?" The man's voice was gruff. "Could you let my family go?" He said in a more quiet voice. The Russian man stared at him with a disapproving look.

There was a complete silence , then...

"BOSS , I DID WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO, HELP ME , PLEASE." a man shrieked , he was burning , fire everywhere , burning everything except for the Russian.

Your wounds were healing , you had been reborn yet again, but this time you looked like you were back into your prime. You stood up , full height , to small marks where you had been shot.

"Why did you do this?" You asked quietly, gazing at the feather in his palm.

"Because you are Beneficial to me , now Мой Феникс , let us leave before the Armed Detective agency will arrive." His voice lingering in your ears

Мой Феникс - My Phoenix

[fluentmoviequoter]

I'm a tiny lil bit struggling rn, do you have any random Victor thoughts to share to cheer me up? Could be anything, headcanon, random thoughts, does he insist on wearing only black socks so they fit his aesthetic? Also no worries if you don't have anything to say or don't feel like it, no pressure!

So sorry to hear that! Hope everything gets better quickly and talking Vic can help you!! There’s a bunch of my random, borderline incoherent thoughts and rambles below the cut!!🩶

I’ll start with the black sock idea! I feel like the answer is probably yes; every detail of Vic’s look (no matter how small) fits his aesthetic. Playing off of that, his style seems to be very sophisticated and dark, sort of dark academia-esque, so it all begins with the base and for Vic that means having one solid color, head to toe, to build his Parisian debonair look!!

Alternatively though, I think if Vic was going to wear something a little more colorful or wild (likely after persistent teasing and prodding from Syd) that he’d limit the colorful expression to his socks or some other piece that’s not visible to others!

One thing that I almost always think about when talking/writing/reading about Vic is that he has trust issues but he’s also an incredibly good judge of character. He trusted Mitch and Syd relatively quickly despite the number of people who have hurt him, so those two aspects of being hesitant to trust but understanding people so deeply allows Vic to choose both his allies and enemies quickly and with almost frightening accuracy.

Building off of something we’ve talked about with Vic’s sophisticated tastes, if he was a car he’d be an Aston Martin DB4GT Zagato!! It’s sleek, classy, and dangerously beautiful.

I also think that Vic is numbed to the emotions of others. Not necessarily lacking empathy, just unable or unwilling to read people’s feelings as easily as their personalities. (Like he figured Eli out really quickly but seemed to struggle with determining what Eli was thinking or feeling.) However, I think the opposite is true for Mitch and Sydney. He’s so attuned to their needs, because he is their first line of defense, their protector, their safe space, that he can look at them and know what they need to hear or receive based on what they seem to be feeling.

This one is probably wrong but in my mind Vic laughs when he reads his parents’ books in private! Especially if they happen to mention anything about parenting or being good/kind to the people around you.

Along with reading and editing his parents’ books, I think Victor has lots of poetry in his mind!! Whether it’s poems he’s read or come up with himself, he has a poetic reference for everything. Sometimes he just thinks them, other times he says them under his breath, but he has a deep understanding of how life’s beauty and ugliness blend together to create reality! His thoughts are formed poetically too; he can’t just think “that looks cool” it’s something deep and melodic, relating it to whatever he considers to be the most beautiful or interesting part of life.

(This is getting long. I’m sort of sorry.)

Victor is a human cat!!!! You of all people know this for sure, but it needed to be included. He likes having his head rubbed or hair played with (he’d never admit it and figuratively bite someone he doesn’t know well for trying), he 100% knocks things off tables on random impulse, and… it’s perhaps my strangest headcanon, but Victor purrs!! When he’s really happy or likes something a lot, he can’t show it because he has an image to maintain, so he purrs instead.

If Vicious came out in 2012, and we’re assuming that Lockland era scenes were ~2002, and he was approximately 22… then Vic would have been born in/around 1980 right? Even if he wasn’t! Vic likes 80s movies!! (I’m projecting.) He surprisingly likes The Goonies because it’s about a group of friends (which he didn’t have) who go on an adventure to save their town. All of the kids also think about their parents and their wellbeing (which Vic couldn’t understand but could appreciate the beauty of). He also likes Real Genius because of course he does, he’s like a more stoic version of Chris Knight!! (It’s one of my favorite movies and I’m still projecting.)

I think if/when Vic listens to music it’s probably alternative and moody/meaningful. He chooses songs and artists with poetic lyrics and then draws even deeper connections and ideas from them.

I’m not accepting any questions about this one (LIE) but Vic would look incredible in the outfit Pedro Pascal wore to the SAG Awards. Victor looks good in everything, but that disheveled pirate look would… I can’t even put it into words, just trust me.

Last one for now! Victor obviously has a soft spot for strays, so I think if he could go back to school, start over, whatever, he may consider vet school! It still plays into his traits of needing to be in control and have an incredibly meaningful and impactful job, but he’d get to help animals too.

Okay I lied one more. Victor Vale makes people work to see his smile! He smiled when Sydney brought him back to life but that’s one of the only times we get to see it. However, I wholly believe that after that, he sometimes just smiles at Sydney. More so when she isn’t looking, but he needs to do something to let all of the words he can’t say to her get out. But also! He has one of those smiles that is so pretty it will make you fall to your knees but you can also tell that there’s more behind it, that he’s not smiling just to smile but to communicate (or in some cases, foreshadow something that will happen to you).

[pierogisfilledwithpaint]

screaming into the void out of joy. I'm just gonna ramble a bit because I went to a concert, good luck to anyone reading this, it's very rambly and incoherent but I wrote this right after I came back to my hotel xO

I just came back from the sleep token munich ritual and it was fucking great, even though I was standing in the queue for like 5 hours and my feet hurt like hell and I think ill just lay in bed the next day

Speaking of queue, there were so many nice people there. I got like two bracelets, a sticker with the symbol and I even talked with other people a bit, even though my social anxiety is pretty bad, gosh all the people there were so nice 🥹

Also before the opening act started they played like a bit of music and I shit you not, they played the fucking evangelion theme 💀 I mean I was still vibing to it, but now I'm curious who put that in, maybe Vessel himself, he seems like the kind of weeb that likes evangelion. Health was also a pretty great opening act, tomorrow I'll probably dive into their discography because their music scratches something good in my brain

And the ritual itself? Fucking 100/10. The stage was bigger and better, the lights were great, Vessels vocals were phenomenal, iii is still a stickbug menace, ii slayed the drums, but I sadly didn't get enough video material of ivy, I was standing at the other side of the venue where iii and Vessel were :[ but ivy did dance for the vesselettes, iii and ivy kissed and Vessel bothered ivy as always and it was fun seeing it all up close. Oh, and speaking of the vesselettes, they got new masks and the look fucking dope! More in style of Vessels mask and they also had a little choreography with their hands and arms which just makes them look even cooler!!!

I'll probably sort trough the video material tomorrow because as I'm writing this it's almost midnight and I'm tired 💀

There's just one thing I'm kinda frustrated with, moreso with myself. Bought like 4 santa hats for the band, decorated them a but and wanted to give it to them during the ritual, but I didn't know when, I was in the front row but not at the barricades, so when the ritual ended I threw them onto the stage and I dunno feels like I failed myself, because I couldn't give it to them sooner, I just hope the band will like it

Also talking about throwing, right before the last song, someone threw a plushy vessel on stage, Vessel picked it up, pointed at it and then himself, waving his arms around in confusion and then setting the plush somewhere on stage and I think I even saw him smile. Not only when he picked up the plush but like multiple times during the show, or maybe I was just imagining things 💀 and there were a lot of hand hearts from vessel which was also very cute <3

Overall I loved it a lot and I'll hope I'll just be able to see them soon again <3

[modifiedmonster]

Things Better Left Unsaid

Summary: Denji lets you know that Aki might have left out a few details . Himeno suggests something that might help you feel better...Easy Revenge (;

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Aki Hayakawa

Wordcount: 7563

Authors Notes: This is part 3 ! After feedback from you all , we will be getting a part 4 !

Content Warning: drinking, angst, protective aki, porn with plot and feelings, PDA, kissing , fluff and angst, etc etc

Read on AO3 Chainsaw Man Masterlist Main Masterlist

“But thats not everything that happened..” Denji chimed out from behind the two of you . Two heads turned to face Denji , one set of eyes were curious and confused , the other set were daggers .

Begins below the cut

“Denji , fuck off.” Aki spat , something sinister in his voice.

“Shut the fuck up , topknot. Did you think that I was gonna let you feed her that bullshit without stepping in ? “ Denjis sudden raise of tone felt like a bullet tearing through your brain , causing you to pull back from the railing but not before Akis hand shot to grip your wrist tightly. That look of confusion turned to a look of fear that teetered between Aki and Denji.

“Aki..stop, please..” You plead as your heart beat against your ribcage as if it were trying to escape , and the more you resisted his hold the grip would get tighter like a boa constrictor strangling its prey. 

It took probably a minute for the realization to set in; you weren’t going anywhere. When it did, you stopped moving and Power came to stand beside Denji . 

“Y/N.. have you noticed that you were always one of the most kick ass Public safety devil hunters until recently?” Denjis arms came to cross his chest as he spoke .

���Well.. OUR very own Aki Hayakawa has intentionally put you in these situations just so he could be your savior.”

“Tis True!” Power chimed in , Meowy letting out a raspy noise atop Powers shoulder.

“W-what..” You were in disbelief and your gaze could only drop to the concrete beneath your bare feet , the color drained from your face as your brain began running through everything that happened recently.

”Y/n .. I swear I didn’t mean for it to be like this … I just… had to get your attention , gain your trust. You never would have given me the time of day otherwise.” Aki loosened his grip on your wrist as he began stuttering , words coming out choked and panicked, having lost their venom that they contained when directed at Denji . The unfinished , incoherent rambling wouldn’t stop until he felt the sting of your palm across his cheek, and then he let go of you. 

Tears burned in the corner of your eyes , everything in your vision becoming a shaky blur until the tears dripped down your cheeks . How did one of the people you had pined after , respected, and fucking said ‘I love you’ to end up being the one who risked your life on several occasions ? The rapid rise and fall of your chest was accompanied by the drumming of your heart , as if you had a symphony playing inside you.

“Perhaps if you hadn’t been such a narrow-minded bastard you could have seen that I have been in love with you for a long time , Aki !”

Fists at your side were balled so tight that your knuckles were white, it took every ounce of restraint to not push him over the edge of the balcony 

“Instead you risk my life , and lessen my reputation.” The sentence you intended to shout only came out shrill and broken .

Aki stood there with a blank expression yet his eyes told a different story . Denji sighed as Power leaned her head against his shoulder. All you could do was shake your head in disbelief.

“Fuck you , Aki . I’m going home.” Was all that left your lips as you went back inside and began collecting your clothes , taking them into to the bathroom to get dressed before you left and headed home.

The Next Day

You kept fidgeting with your fingers, the tv playing on the wall completely forgotten as you stared at the 2 empty bottles of wine that were next to you on your couch. Today was the first time you had called off of work , well technically you had just ghosted work , you were sure your ‘boss’ would understand why . The couch felt like a message chair from the constant buzzing of your phone before muted it.

Your phone had been getting nonstop messages from Aki , and Denji. The only one you responded to was Himeno , who was already on her way over with a few more bottles of liquor. 

20 Minutes Later

“Maybe its time to become a civilian devil hunter?” your upper lip trembles as it curls in disdain at the words you just spoke as you popped the cork on the fresh bottle of red wine , handing it to Himeno before repeating the same for yourself. With a sigh you plopped down on the couch next to your friend, her free arm snaking across your lower back to pull you closer.

“Maybe we can partner up . Ya know , Aki and I used to be partners , we are still friends but I agree that what he did was fucked up , like ‘really’ fucked up..” Himeno said before taking a few audible gulps of the bitter tasting liquid. All you did was respond with a grunt , and then opened your phone to read the newest spam of messages from the two roommates . 

“We’re going out tonight .. and you’re gonna get revenge , easy revenge.” With a cock of her brow Himeno proceeded to elbow you lightly before you glanced at her mid-sip. “I dont know…” 

“Well lets atleast get you out of this dark ass room , be around people who actually care about you”

A sigh was breathed out, the fight in you was fleeting.  “fine”

Later That Night

You , Himeno , and Denji were sitting at the bar with a tray full of limes, a bottle of tequila , and a shot glass for each of you.

Unlike Himeno you weren’t much of a casual drinker except the last 2 days. But when she had invited you out for a bar crawl with a couple of the others, you decided that it would be just the right amount of socialization you needed for a slap of reality in the face. You hadn’t expected, however, for Aki to be accompanying them granted he was keeping his distance . You just knew it was Himenos doing , she didn’t want to see either one of her friends miserable.

In an absolutely unsurprising turn of events, you just ended up getting shit-faced.

Denji was near tears with laughter when you threw back your eighth tequila shot with a sour expression. You’d placed a warm hand on his chest , twirling Pochitas tails underneath while attempting to say something but you were simply unable as soon as your eyes locked with Akis.

 There he was, across the room just staring . The entire past two days had been spent trying to erase any feeling of love , or adoration from your brain and heart , yet his eyes seemed to call to you. 

Shit you still had feelings for him , of course you did. 

Denji had noticed and grabbed a lime , offering it to you between his fingers. As small of a gesture , it was enough to bribe your attention back to him. Perhaps it was the lighting, or perhaps it was the alcohol, but you felt a tingly sensation in your stomach. Denji was really handsome, and it was the smallest flicker of affection you’d received that felt genuine since the other night with Aki. 

Denji and Aki were really close . “Easy revenge” Himeno whispered in your ear from behind as she spectated. And so you surged forward, dodged the lime and kissed him. 

You hadn’t consciously pulled away from him, but were suddenly made aware of a screeching bar stool. Aki loosened his tie as he beelined straight toward all of you. 

Just as quickly as you’d dodged that lime , you felt his hand grab your forearm and tug hard causing you to slide off the chair. Himeno continued to spectate in her drunken state , Denji was drunk as well and now was smiling lost in his own world with a starstruck look on his face. 

Aki dragged you outside towards his car , your heels clicking against the ground , the entire building shaken with the force of him closing the door.

“Get in the car.” Aki swiftly opened the door and pushed you inside before you could even react. 

“Fuck.” You whispered to yourself while stifling a laugh as Aki walked around the car, got in on the drivers side , started the car and pulled pulled off at an already high speed. A squeak sounded from the pressure of Akis fingers wrapped around the steering wheel , and you slouched back into the seat due to your inebriated state with apprehension and fidgeted with your fingers in your lap. 

The smell of Akis cologne ignited your drunken senses as he leaned over to buckle you in while his eyes remained on the road. It was silent for a few minutes as the two of you drove before Akis grip on the wheel got impossibly tighter. 

“Do you wanna explain what the fuck what that was back there?” His voice was clearly an octave lower than usual. 

Stunned by his question you blinked and pressed your lips together as if to seal them shut. Aki pressed on the accelerator harder, the engine revving as the car sped up . You were suddenly jerked back and forth as he pivoted between cars , outside the windows everything was just a blur to you. The tasted of blood filled your mouth as you bit down on your lip nervously. 

Okay , this was going a bit too far.

“Pull over , Aki!” Screeched from your chest , throat feeling suddenly raw. You swallow, even though your mouth is well past dry. 

Aki must have realized that his actions would have consequences. He had been struggling with conflicting emotions, feeling anger towards Denji for outting him , but also feeling immense guilt for the dangerous self serving stunts he had pulled that put you in harm's way. He pressed down on the brake pedal, making a sharp turn onto a secluded road surrounded by trees on both sides. The sun was beginning to set, casting warm, orange beams of light through the trees as he continued to drive, albeit at a slower pace.

“First you repeatedly put me’n danger on missions , ‘n now you drive s’if you want me dead.” The words came out slurred as your blood alcohol content was peaking . 

Aki tightened his grip on the steering wheel once again. "I would never let anything happen to you, especially not something as terrible as death." You had hit a raw nerve, causing his emotions to surface.

The car gradually came to a stop and Aki shifted into park, turning his gaze to you. He felt his heart leap ,starting to ache as if it had become encased in broken glass as he saw you, with your head hanging low and tears threatening to overflow the dam that held them back.

Hesitantly, he placed his warm hand on your rosy cheek, his thumb gently tracing your bottom lip. Once again this man managed to make you feel safe. Despite your current state, you were still breathtakingly beautiful to him. You leaned into the security of his touch, allowing your teary eyes to meet his, which still held a powerful allure for you. Wiped your tears away with the sleeve of your hoodie, attempting to give him a half smile.

“This is the place I wanted to take you to on our first date, maybe have a picnic set up before I even brought you here…” Aki reminisced on his prior plans , ones that had only existed in his mind . ”Guess I fucked that up , huh?”

You locked your gaze ahead and let out a gentle exhalation at the stunning view, it was positively breathtaking. A colossal lake was encompassed by a forest of trees, their darkness mingling with the sun's rays as they shimmered on the water's surface. You were momentarily at a loss for words, but Aki didn't seem to expect a response from you.

“I would’ve said yes , Hayakawa.” You admitted . Easy revenge must also mean Easy backfire.

"Is there anything I can do to turn things around? Is there still hope for redemption?" He tilted his head and his thumb gently caressed your lower lip. The alcohol had finally taken its toll on you, causing your willpower to crumble despite your valiant efforts to hold it together.

Your eyes crossed as they fixated on his perfect lips , he noted this and his fingers crawled from your cheek to the back of your neck , threading into your loose locks of hair gently. The two of you moved in tandem , the heat of your lips meeting set fireworks off inside of you . 

Your crossed gaze fixed on his impeccable lips and he took notice, his fingers moved from your cheek to the nape of your neck, delicately entwining in your soft locks. The two of you moved together in tandem, the heat from the meeting of your lips ignited a surge in your chest . His tongue slid across your bottom lip before it poked into your mouth. Aki tightened his grip on your hair as he tasted the alcohol in your mouth , you let out a sweet groan at the sensation.

The two of you were lost in eachother yet Aki used his free hand to press a button on his dashboard , allowing it to begin playing one of your favorite songs. Your lips curved into a smile , breaking the kiss as you let out an airy kiss.

 “How’d y’know thi’swas my favorite song?” 

“Because I really do pay attention , y/n..”

All your could do was smile , were you truly considering forgiving him?

“Think I could get another chance? When you’re sober.” Aki asked whilst tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. 

Just like a drug , you didn't realized you had become addicted until it was too late.

Part 4 Coming Soon!

[rotating-hyperfixations]

Not to yap on the internet (I.e ramble for several paragraphs incoherently), but Ive been rewatching Paper Girls recently and subsequently thinking how important it is to have queer relationships at age appropriate level(s) for tweens and teens. While there were queer relationships on TV while I was growing up in the 2000s and 2010s, they were never really around my age bracket and really none that discussed how they came to terms with their sexuality, although that’s a slightly different discussion. Sure, there were shows like Glee that featured relationships that resonated with me and storylines that resonated with me that either were queer or queer coded (@Quinn Fabray). But I was too young to fully grasp the full story, and I think that’s the case for a lot of kids; especially in that middle school age bracket.

Even watching as an adult, I can recognize a lot of my younger self in KJ and Mac. I didn’t like to wear dresses or skirts, but were forced into them by my parents as it was the socially acceptable thing to wear for a young girl. I had traditionally masculine interests and in childhood a lot of my clothes were boys shirts that my parents were willing to deem as gender neutral. I knew I didn’t like boys, and didn’t understand the whole crush phase my friends had, but regularly thought things like “well if we were dating I’d do that better or different”. I knew that I was different from friends, but didn’t have any real reference to point to help kind of use as a reference point, so I just assumed I was a late bloomer and it’s come eventually and I’d be in to clothes or makeup and like boys in the way my friends did but it never did. Sure, by the time high school rolled around I knew that there was a strong possibility that I was gay (it’s really quite embarrassing the amount of indicators I tried to explain away), I saw more of myself in shows like Glee that featured queer relationships, but still starting that conversation earlier through media and having examples of characters that were like me probably would’ve saved me some mental anguish and stress in my teen and young adult years.

Kids have “romantic” (and I use that term very loosely) feelings at a pretty young age for the opposite gender and not. There’s plenty of media out there that explores young relationships between two straight teenagers, and way too many episodes of tv I watched growing up had episodes that strictly focused on a girl who was in her “boy-crazy” era. Having storylines that parallel the stage they are at in life, is going to help a ton of kids out in the long run, and also I think help some parents come to terms with queer kids. Ultimately the more you normalize something, the more people will probably come to accept it and stop looking at it as an “other”.

Anyway, this is my long-winded way of saying that Paper Girls made me very emotional on my rewatch and young queer kids get to see themselves reflected in media in a way that mirrors their current experiences (especially young girls, because wlw are definitely not featured as relationships between men/boys). Watching a bunch of teen girls didn’t make me straight and stop me from having recurring dreams about kissing and being in relationships with girls, and it’s not going to stop future kids either.

[sapfronkz]

im currently trying to make up a story for a warriors oc that i made for artfight and im brainstorming SO hard and i think it would be nice to write down some ideas, so enjoy my incoherent ramblings plus some art!!!:

so the character that i made for artfight is called hawthorn’puddle. currently i don’t really have a gender for them, but im considering genderfluid!! current ref + reference photo below :3

i knew that i needed to make up a clan or two for the story, so i turned to the fantasy name generator (BELOVED<333) and one that i liked was creekclan.

so i had hawthorn’s clan, but i felt like there needed to be at least one other clan so there could possibly someeeeee drama??? some sparks to get the machine going??? so i started thinking,, what landforms are near creeks?? i looked up ‘geographical things near creeks’, and geysers came up. since geysers are pretty cool, i THEN looked up what creeks/rivers were near geysers, which resulted in me finding the riverside geyser near firehole river in yellowstone national park. both the river and the geyser are shown below bcs why not

i can see ways that i can interpret both the river and the geyser into the story, but there’s a few other problems with this location, despite yellowstone national park being a pretty good choice for setting

1. humans. people go to yellowstone national park a lot, so wouldn’t they see the cats??? a way i could make this work is maybe the humans keep kidnapping cats and it makes the clans have to move deeper into the park,, or something??? but i already sort of have another plot idea in my mind so uhh

2. firehole river is a RIVER, not a creek of course 😭 so i couldn’t really use the name creekclan. also i’ve just realized i don’t really need to set a real life location BUT ill get to that later

3. hawthorn’puddle’s coat coloring, salmiak or “salty licorice” IS ONLY FOUND IN CENTRAL FINLAND!!!!!!! HOW DID I NOT REALIZE THAT SOONER AAAGHH!!!!!!!

so yeahhh there’s a few problems, and i can probably solve all of them by making it a fake location and making up shit but iiiiiii like being difficult SO. im going to try and possibly find a geyser in finland that is near a creek??? or maybe i might just give up the geyser idea even though geyserclan sounds VERY cool and i could possibly make like some sort of religion out of that….

anyway thank you for listening to my rambling, i am NOT sorry and it WILL happen again <3

[yeehaw-in-magic-space]

Session 4 Recap: Part 1/5

The party had come to a rough agreement with Bandit King Alexander Barley, and they had been escorted to their temporary chambers for the evening ahead of the next day’s assignment. The room was shockingly fancy. It had lounge furniture with throw pillows embroidered with the same barley stalk as the tablecloth of the large table in the room’s center (which was already set with bowls of fruit and lentils, which the players spent the first eleven minutes of the session asking me increasingly specific questions about). Chuck skittered around the room looking for anything interesting, but the room was remarkably empty despite its luxuries. There were a few paintings from the long war, but as far as objects he could pick up it was pretty much just pillows and canned peaches. He did also take this time to confirm that no one was listening to them. He detected no trace of any radio signals and found no devices that could transmit their voices across the estate, which meant they had time to plan. Chuck began rambling incoherently out loud, and used his thri-kreen telepathy to facilitate covert discussion. Even if no one was listening, it was better to play things safe. 

They discussed the possibility of escape. Chuck suggested faking their deaths during one of the missions. To him, the best course of action seemed to be abandoning the ship and stealing a new one out from under King Barley's nose. Dolly took this and ran with it: she pointed out that if they weren’t as attached to the Dining Car as she’d thought, maybe they could take advantage of the fact that it was rigged to blow. Geraldine listened in shock and awe—and Prometheus listened in horror—as the two of them discussed a plan to jump from the ship mid air and detonate its engine and the control measures King Barley had installed on top of his estate. They would be presumed dead, and while Barley’s men were desperately trying to recover from the attack they could sneak into the hangar and steal a new ship. 

They took some time to attempt to get insight on King Barley and the validity of their plan. Dolly gathered that the monster pit he had shown them must have been part of the planet’s old mines. It probably went further down into the mountain, which meant that the hangar was almost certainly below the monster pit and far larger than they had initially imagined. Prometheus looked around the room at the family Barley crest and the paintings of core worlds and Long War paintings. He came to the conclusion that Alexander Barley was a nostalgic man and that he probably saw his betrayal of the Sovereign Kingdom Among the Stars as an elevation of his station as a minor lord/ranger rather than an abandonment. Based on that, he hypothesized that Barley would still have whatever military ship he and his first batch of men arrived on. This meant that he had at least one ship that could accommodate all of them, but probably many more. 

Dolly suggested one final amendment to the plan: that they try to negotiate for a new ship with Barley. She explained that this would be a ploy to make it seem like they had accepted working for him and as a bonus would potentially give them an opportunity to see what other ships he had before trying to steal them.

Chuck was anxiously optimistic. They weren’t likely to see the plan coming, they had none of the pieces, and this would make a very enticing update to his resume as a bounty hunter. Dolly was nervous. She preferred having every piece of the puzzle before enacting a plan, but it was the best one they had and she was going to carry it out. Prometheus was mortified. He briefly considered betraying them and flipping to Barley’s side, but he banished the thought when he realized how long he’d probably have to work for him if he ever wanted to get off of this planet. Geraldine was beyond thrilled. She hadn’t contributed to the plan because she was too busy recording all its details in her journal. This sounded like the adventure of a lifetime. It was exactly the kind of thing she had left home for, and it was what she wanted to be doing for the rest of her life. She was all in on every detail and she made that clear to everyone.

[sjofn-lofnsdottr]

In Which I Gush About Dusk Lanverlais

(If you just want a basic rundown of him, you can check this post instead. You can also read incoherent rambles about his background, his husband, and of course, the duck.)

Looking over what I posted about my alts, I was sort of amused to realize that I didn't talk nearly as much about my main dude, Dusk. Probably because I'm afraid if I start, I will never stop.

Because I love this silly man, very much.

He wasn't supposed to be my main guy, you know. I made him because I found it interesting the elezen look strange. Their proportions are off, compared to actual humans. They've got those necks, of course, but their shoulders are also a little too broad, their limbs a little too long, their head can sometimes look a little too small.

It was a touch offputting, if I'm honest, although I appreciated that this awkwardness went for both genders. I've said to people that I appreciate that FFXIV did 'androgynous elves' in a way that wasn't just code for 'the dudes are a little bit feminine.' When they're in armor, especially heavy armor, the gender line is pretty blurred to my eyes. And I think they have a ton of leeway to lean really hard into a gender presentation they want, or to hang out somewhere in the middle, or swing wildly from one to the other, and it always looks 'right' for them in a way that can be difficult (but not impossible!) for the other races in this game. They're just elezen, and I like it a lot.

This is me holding back on gushing about other things I've come to love about them, by the way.

In any case, like I said, I found their proportions a little offputting and strange, but that made them intriguing. Could I make an elezen I liked looking at? Turned out I could.

This is the earliest picture I can find of him that I still have. I have no idea where he's at in his MSQ, but I do know this was his very first glam.

Dusk comes from the same place Errol and Mercuriel do, a long lost RP setting I explored with a friend for a long time. It's why he's named 'Dusk' instead of something more elezen-y, although in FFXIV it's a nickname given to him by his father (and his twin sister, of course, is nicknamed Dawn). In that setting, he was a misplaced hippie artist at the head of a free love commune in the post apocalypse. He was a sculptor, and the eccentric local warlord was his patron, which enabled him to have his commune of would-be artists in the first place.

I wasn't sure he'd translate well to this setting (I thought this about the other two, too), but his actual personality - golden retriever given human form - didn't just translate, it fit into the way the Warrior of Light is frequently portrayed beautifully. Dusk has always had tremendous amounts of love to give to people - whatever form they want from him, platonic or otherwise - and has always made friends easily. He loves to learn about people more than anything else, but he loves seeing and doing new things almost as much.

He's more resilient than people ever expect, because he's always so soft, caring and open. It comes across as naive a lot of the time, but he's not. He just made the choice to be trusting and loving in a world that seems to often punish that, because living any other way is no way to live at all, in his eyes. He refuses to let the world make him jaded.

He's brave and protective - within reason, he is ever mindful of people's boundaries - and wants to help. Always, no matter how big or small the problem he's being asked to help with is. He's stubborn about being who he is, stubborn in his optimism, stubborn about giving pieces of himself to anyone who wants it.

So yeah. Translated better than I could ever hope.

When I first came up with him, it was sort of to counterbalance Mercuriel and Errol, both extremely messy men. I wanted Dusk to be simple, to be the one who was somehow always okay, because of the love he surrounded himself with. And so he was, in the RP. Partly because I didn't RP him and only him, he was offscreen a lot.

The WoL is never offscreen. So there are cracks here and there, now. Dusk wouldn't dream of not being the Warrior of Light, if people want him to be, even though he wishes people would see him more as himself than a Heroic Hero That Heroes, and that they would more often remember he has a huge support network that helps him do what he does. And frankly, it IS a lot of a pressure and he HAS gone through an awful lot as a result.

Dusk doesn't seem, on the surface, to be someone who would be a dark knight. He's so fluffy! And he's not resentful about being labeled a hero at all! And it's true, he really isn't. He might get exasperated sometimes, but nothing too crazy. But when he picked the class up, there were so many events he hadn't had a chance to unpack, to feel his feels and come to terms with them. And self-care is not a thing for him, it doesn't occur to him until people make it occur to him. Fray, to put it mildly, made it occur to him. Myste did too.

The Stormblood DRK quests felt especially suited to him ... he's not resentful, but he does carry a lot of guilt. So many people he couldn't save, in spite of his best efforts. So much hurt he wishes he could've prevented earlier, or entirely. So many people he was set against, that he might've been able to come to an understanding with if there had been time to find it, who didn't survive meeting him because of it.

He's better now, and I like to think that's why he's left the class behind ... but not completely. It's like riding a bike for him, letting his strong emotions, his love for the people he wants to protect, his disregard for rules designed to stop him from doing that ... it all comes rushing back to make him back into the absurdly resilient, dangerous protector of people who cannot protect themselves.

Gunbreaker is good and all, but sometimes you need to tap into something deeper, I suppose.

Pfft, I was going to make this his backstory post, but it got away from me, talking more about what he is instead of what he's done. I think that's okay though.

Oh, another thing he is? A giant insomniac.

And that, friends, is what tilted me towards wildwood over duskwight. Wildwoods look exhausted, all the time. It's perfect and I love it.

I will frequently comment that he looks like there is not a single thought passing through his skull. I've decided it's a combination of things that make this happen. First, the sleep deprivation. Second, he does frequently indulge in fogweed, partly in the hopes it will help him sleep, partly because he is self-medicating all the anxiety he refuses to acknowledge exists because again, self-care is not a thing for him a lot of the time. And third, his brain never shuts the fuck up. He doesn't have no thoughts, he has all the thoughts.

He's also ... startled a lot. Which I love so much.

Don't let the lack of glasses fool you, he wears them all the time now. I just didn't start doing it reliably until after he finished Shadowbringers, and I'm avoiding posting Endwalker shots of him at the moment.

Okay, see what I mean? I got started, and I have rambled about this dude AT LENGTH. This isn't even close to as much as I COULD say about him, either! But I will stop here instead of actually talking about his 'lore,' and try to make things more, uh, bite-sized going forward. Thank God I found the 'read more' link option thing, am I rite?

[fransfilth]

fuckin long ask incoming but: have you ever looked into the eslöv and kristianstad school stabbings? both were swedish stabbings and both perpetrators knew each other online as friends and they both shared an interest in christchurch, which piqued my interest so much. the eslöv and kristianstad attacks were only 4-5 months apart from each other i believe, but they appear to be connected purely by the fact that both perpetrators were good friends.

this honestly reminds me of how dillon cossey, a kid alleged to have plotted an attack on his pennsylvania school had contact with pekka-eric auvinen before the jokela shooting, or william atchison knowing david ali sonboly before the munich and aztec shootings. more people need to talk abt instances where attackers or plotters actually talked with each other before their respective attacks or plots, it's a very odd phenomenon i've noticed. what do you think?

hey, absolutely no problem, i love elaborate asks! long reply ahead

i've actually looked into eslöv at some point recently, kristianstad only on a surface level, but I actually do not remember that they were related! i do remember that the eslöv attacker was somehow also related to trollhättan (even if only distantly like look it up or something).

i did however know about david sonboly, i've probably consumed hours upon hours of media about him and he was big into right-wing extremist groups. also remember pekka auvinen talking to a bunch of people that were later considered potentially threatening.

who also come to mind is elizabeth lecron who corresponded with dylann roof post-shooting and was later arrested for domestic terrorism threats, i believe.

i know there's more instances of this but my tired brain can't remember any. we know that there's a ton of copycat crimes, especially when it comes to mass attacks where the perpetrators get a ton of attention and media coverage (opposed to, for instance, a man killing his ex girlfriend out of jealous which would get a week of coverage and then be forgotten about by most people).

i guess it's especially "tempting" for people in those social bubbles to see someone, they were personally conversating with, to get this type of attention and to achieve something that they themselves have most likely been fantasizing about. i like to think it's because mental illness at its core is sort of competitive for some people, even if only subconsciously, people are gonna wanna "out-do" or at the very least match other people's twisted thoughts and behavior. (think about sh being triggered by seeing other people's sh or eds being triggered by seeing someone skinny)

then again this is just my on the spot surface level observation i came up with in my tired head, so if anything is incoherent or sounds stupid i'm very sorry, i just sort of felt like rambling, thank u so much for the ask tho anon, it's so interesting honestly