#this post is to help the queer ppl like me who need this reminder

[slime-enby]

I want to say, not coming out because you don't want to put yourself in danger is okay, and also if you feel like you have to come out anyways because not doing so makes you feel like shit, you do not deserve what the world puts you through. If the way you act or dress causes the world to want to hurt you, that isn't your fault. You do not deserve this pain

[an-inspired-eternity]

breaks into your inbox

hi, please, sell me on akirui, tell me all about them please. ive been thinking about them after the devil’s manner april fools thing and i just need to hear someone go insane about it i think

uh, yeah!! :]

HELLO. OUGH OUGH OUGH WHERE DO I BEGIN.

first of all the "like oil and water" trust rank title (that ensekai butchered but what doesnt ensekai butcher involving queer ppl lbr)

okay first of all i just think the premise of where their dynamic starts is so funny bc they r so >:3 >:| core and i love that for them.

BUT. goes under the cut bc i have thoughts and feelings

the thing i LOOOVE tapping into with akirui (and akikasa/akiruikasa) as well is that for all akito bitches and moans hes more like rui (and tsukasa) then he insists he isnt.

i made another post before about akito and tsukasa both push themselves beyond their health limits for their dreams (and as well in my fic 'the balsam, fallen silent' it comes up that tsukasa's stunt in phoenix pissed akito off BECAUSE of how much it reminded him of himself with what happened in sbd)

with rui you have to read between the lines a bit more but there's a big deal made of how they're both very passionate about what they create and making what they create the best they can be

similarly to the phoenix/sbd stuff, rui does also push himself in a different but similar way, as seen in darkfes, where akito chastises him for downplaying his injury and to let people help him for the sake of putting on the best show possible.

you could argue there's a point of comparison to be made about how much they mask. akito with his polite front he uses around people he doesn't know, and rui reigning himself in at best or acting completely detached from what hurts him at worst. there's an excerpt from a fic i really like that summarizes rui's state well i think:

(taken from 'summer heat' by cepheide, a very good, 10/10 recommended akirui read from me)

and also as well as of the most recent event, we have rui asking akito who does and doesn't know about the latter's fear of dogs because he's trying to be delicate and careful regarding discussion of what is described to be trauma for akito, and akito is shown to be surprised and very touched by this act.

i don't think akito ever truly fully hated tsukasa or rui, but in the case of rui you can really see how much akito grows to tolerate and enjoy his company, to the point he can enjoy himself in rui's presence so long as rui doesn't try to treat him like tsukasa (ie: the situations)

also if i can ever finish the wip i have w/ them. the topic does come of shinei being a shithead, and i don't think we talk enough about how of the times we've seen rui genuinely pissed off and ready to throwdown it was about someone harming (emotionally or otherwise) a person he cares about. rui would hear about shinei and experience a rage unlike anything he's experienced since the scuffles with shosuke emus brothers. ive said this before but if akitoya is "lets run away together and we can escape everything and everyone thats ever hurt us", akirui is "you can run to me, i'll protect you. i won't let anyone hurt you ever again"

[velvetvexations]

Ppl act like gender essentialism (the man/beard brand) is necessary to keep women safe but even that scenario could actually make them less safe bc it downplays the danger of bears, which I think also illustrates the issue I have with true crime. When you're taught as a woman that there are certain dangers that are the worst (be it men or serial killers or rape as the very worst thing that could possibly happen to you), you might underestimate dangers that appear less obvious to you like wild animals, unpreparedness, inappropriate equipment, lack of spatial awareness, going alone when you're inexperienced, heat exhaustion bc, dangers from other animals or bugs bugs (where I'm from in Europe we need to get vaccinated against tick-borne encephalitis, my father didn't, got it & almost died).

I'm from a culture that's big on hiking & hiked a lot pre-transition, mostly with a cis male best friend, and I never had a bad experience with other ppl (except maybe when someone didn't say hello, very impolite) but we did get lost pretty badly once on a new trail with no phone signal & that was scary. I was always safer in the woods with men around bc if there are ppl, you know you're on the right path & won't get lost! Also it you get injured & can't walk or god forbid lose consciousness, you want other ppl there to help you. I also worked at a homeless shelter (pre-transition as well, they all knew me as a short, not at all threatening looking woman) and that taught me to shake off the fear I had of homeless people, men especially, because they too are just ppl & it was bigoted of me to have my gut instinct tell me I was in danger when I saw a homeeles man just existing or behaving erratically in public. It was classist, ableist & was not in fact justified just bc I was navigating the world as a woman.

Yes, keep yourself safe, but actually learn to recognize potential dangers & how to handle dangerous situations, don't just rely on your gut instinct.

I also think we can absolutely teach ppl how to keep themselves safe around other folks without resorting to gender essentialism & sex profiling simply by focusing on behaviors instead of gender presentation.

This would serve to protect trans & queer ppl with a masc appearance/presentation including non cispassing trans fems/women, trans mascs/men, non-binary & multigender ppl, intersex folks, even cis gay men, who are also at a higher risk of being assaulted than cis straight men and yes, even straight men, who are also capable of being victimized. Because nobody is truly safe from violence & abuse, we all need to know how about dangers & be able to get protection from others in our communities!

That reminds me of what I've been talking about recently where someone blamed a fixation on punitive justice on people being tricked into it by white supremacist background radiation in Western culture when it's actually just an apolitical fault of the way human brains are wired that goes back to the earliest human civilizations. And like, granted, this is the third time I'm bringing that post specifically up so maybe I'm overexaggerating the issue because I don't follow that kinna discourse closely, but especially in conjunction with transandrophobia discourse I feel like there's this trap of viewing the things you face as cosmic forces rather than mere sociology, you know?

[begebege28]

This is by no means hate to this individual, but I’m sick and tired of hearing “buddie is never going to happen” because buck is with tmmy. Like I’m sorry. It pisses me off so much because for those who have watch since s1, we have wanted queer buck for SO LONG and we always were told “you guys are delusional” or “it’s never gonna happen” by the GP AND the SR”. IN IN INTERVIEWS canonically, at the time, THEY ALL talked about buck as STRAIGHT. 9-1-1 s1 came out in 2018 and here we are in 2024. It took them 6 years to make bi buck. As a buddie and someone who viewed these characters as queer coded, i always knew on FOX, it wasn’t going to happen. But now on ABC they made bi buck in ONE EPISODE. ONE!! Of course you are going to see posts about BuckTommy because people they are a couple who touch and kiss. We are to believe in a heteronormative society, that’s what shows you aS bi/queer/gay/etc. what we do know, in the show, the buck and Eddie/Christopher dynamic is the most different from everyone else in the show. Buck and Eddie both have been queer coded from the beginning of the show and NOW we are being policed as to what we are allowed to think? If anything, those same individuals who are policing your thoughts about gay/queer Eddie, they better have been shocked/angry/confused about bi buck if they “NEVER” viewed buck as a queer coded character. They scream “endgame” but yet has less screen time than Natalia. Ali had less but even her character we knew them AS A COUPLE. how are you screaming “endgame” but never did with Ali, Taylor, or Natalia or when buck said “i think she sees me”. Did they forget the way Oliver spoke about Natalia and bucks relationship after the finale? That’s what gets me??? While everyone (myself included) was happy we got bi buck and (yes even Tommy), but that was BEFORE i remembered who he was as a character. You need to ask, Are people excited because Buck is bi and dating/kissing tommy or simply because he’s a bisexual character who happens to be DATING A MAN. I’ve seen more of those people who ship BuckTommy, defend Tommy previous actions but then blame buck for his and don’t LOOK INTO the relationship for what it is. Becuase if they did, if Tommy was a FEMALE LI, her character would be getting ripped to shreds. Not dressing up. The disgusting comments. Not caring for buck. I can go on lol.

For example, ppl view buck as the “fun uncle” to Chris BUT

but if he was simply the “fun uncle” why did they make buck be the one to tell Christopher what happened to his dad? Why make Chris call buck when his dad was breaking down. Why did Chris leave to buck on the chances of his dad dating again. Why does the show continue to have buck be involved in HUGE moments in Chris’s life. Why involve buck in 7x10. Why CONTINUE to have him be there with the Diaz family? When Christopher left. Why? Why? Why? Why have the show allude to “good cop bad cop” and BOTH answering no. Why, “he takes Christopher there all the time” (the zoo). Why does buck essentially have be there, for Chris, after his dad is in the hospital ? Carla was already there and yet he’s there? Eddie has the breakdown? Buck takes him to school. Buck helping Chris with his school projects/homework? Buck Diaz having multiple dinners together? That’s the fun uncle? Where is all this with bucks own niece? Last but not least, they LOVE to use “Buck is a scapegoat” in 7x10 but Eddie himself says to Buck “I-I don't need you to explain it to him, I just...I need you to check in on him. I'm worried. He won't come out”. There he is never one asking anything of buck but to simply see how Chris is doing after everything. NEVER does he try to sway Chris’s opinions or trick him or anything of the sort. It reminds me of the talk Chris and buck had in earlier seasons of where Chris ran to buck. And buck and Chris simply had a heartfelt talk. Where is dynamic between chimney and Denny? They had 1 SCENE throughout the whole 7 seasons. Chim and hen have been friends LONGER. Where there the dinners scenes. Where are the school projects?

This season unfournately had 10 episodes. They did bi buck in 1 episode. BuckTommy had 3 dates (failed pizza date), second coffee date (where Buck gets Tommy order wrong and invites him to the wedding literally days after coming out?(SPEEDING RUNNING THE RELATIONSHIP) and then the dinner scene. 2 kisses. That’s it. Nothing special in comparison to his previous relationships. I’m sorry. This season in terms of Eddie, he also SPED RUN (or attempted) to with M. He moved her in quicker than when he was dating Ana. And yet, when he saw all her boxes, when does he do? Asks her to move out”. But why? It shows he’s more interested in her than Ana right? What gets me, is, in both relationship, specially Ana, they were lovely. I liked them together. What stopped them from being married. If Eddie ONLY wants a mother role for Christopher, there was his oppporotuinity. But just like Shannon told Eddie “i don’t need a provider, i need a husband”. If Eddie and Ana, were to get married, he would need to be IN LOVE WITH HER. Not only become a “step mom” to Chris. Eddie admitting he has catholic guilt. This season, AGAIN, was a continuation of Eddie doing for Christopher. He wants Christopher to have a “mother role”. Going into s8, this will be the first time, he has no girlfriend and NO CHRISTOPER. When was the last time this? Oh i didn’t know? Maybe before HE MET SHANNON!! Eddie had to grow up at the age of 10. He had to be “the man of the house”. He wasn’t allowed to be like his friends. Why he allowed to cry, was he allowed to express any emotions? This was at the age of 10. I can see this season Eddie going back to his childhood and having the opportunity to understand who is he WITHOUT his son and a partner.

For reference i added the interviews Oliver talked about buck and Natalia after s6 finale. One would say, screams endgame right? “Things are aligning for them”

[pumpkinsy0]

idk how to describe this post, but just describing characters psyche lol

darry,dally, and tim- they have little to no genuine support system and have to harbor everything they go through pretty much alone and bottle shit up cause growing up quickly sucks

tim- his parents werent rlly parents, so he had to emotionally mature fast and understand what they did wrong in life and in having kids so that he could better take care of angela and curly, he learns quickly that looking out for ur own blood can save ur skin more than yknow it, his parents arent around rlly anymore and he doesnt exactly know where they run off to even if they come back home for a few days but he knows theyll never learn that

angela- she canonically had a break down about her life being actual dogshit and bryon says that in the morning she’ll go back to her own stone cold strong self cause thats just the way she is, that's just the way she's learned to go through life

literally every singular one of the characters LMAOOO- its self explanatory HOWEVER i will highlight darry here

curly- faces a shit ton of oppression (even if u dont agree w him being queer hes still black to me but if u dont see him as black hes still a poc and a greaser) so hes just learned to do whatever he wants bc no matter what he does hes always gonna b judged so y not live life to the fullest and in a way that makes him happy, he’ll still be shunned, but at least he’ll be happy

tim- i cant properly find the words to explain it, but someone needs to check up on this nigga fr, a good portion of the neighborhood is religious, especially the older ppl yet they always judge him for one thing and another, nobody is rlly genuinely hoping (or in this case praying) he gets better

curly- shameless reminder that i ship purly, so I thought about curly saying this to pony for a sec cause i think cures that type guy to just explore the world any way he wants and he'll do anything to get someone to join him in on it

this is also for very obvious reason two bit, soda and if u squint, steve

darry- he cares for pony sm it comes off to pony that he doesnt care at all, pony needs his space to breathe and darry doesnt wanna let em go

the shepards but most particularly angela- for some reason she held her parents in a high light cause unlike some kids in the neighborhood they had them both, curly and tim knew this wasn't rlly the case very quickly and as angela grew up, bit by bit she knew what they meant and would lay or even cry in bed over it

TAKE AWAY THAT THESE R COUSINS PLS ONLY PAY ATTENTION TO THE WORDS THATS WHAT IM TRYNNA HIGHLIGHT HERE IM BEGGING U

purly- either way u chose who's who the other has always felt like they weighted other ppl down (for ponys case) or like theyre just to far gone to be helped (for curlys case), they still love each others company because they see the other as being worth it/deserving of it

however if u dont ship purly or can't get over em being cousins this is literally darry and pony or johnny and pony for like the same exact reason

[trans-axolotl]

encourage ppl to stay closeted??? for safety? or bc openly gay ppl are weird or something???

it was like this post telling queer teens who live in unsupportive households never to come out. and like I think it’s always good to remind teens that you should not feel pressured into coming out before you’re ready. but as a queer teen who came out/ was outed young and faced an incredible amount of violence for it, I hate those posts bc it takes it too far and begins to feel victim blaming towards queer teens who did come out + got kicked out or abused. and seeing posts that legitimately said “never come out” made me so mad bc I think that energy towards protecting queer kids needs to go into building up resources for queer kids in unsupportive households + dealing with the aftermath of when people come out or don’t or are outed or whatever. instead of acting like staying closeted a solution that isn’t just as soul sucking and horrible for some of us. and also I hate those type of posts bc I think they do not acknowledge the autonomy that queer teens do have and does not respect the choices + real understanding of risk that queer teens have. when I decided to start living as trans at 15 I knew what that would mean for me and it truly was hell! But queer adults telling me that I should have just stayed closeted would not have helped anything because that would have fucking killed me. and acting like I was too young to understand the risks felt real fucking infantalizing when I was literally living them lmfao

anyway sorry anon I am not annoyed at you at all I just obviously feel passionate about this and think that people really need to meaningfully build a LOT more support for queer teens that isn’t based in mandatory reporting or bullshit nonprofits and is actually robust community support so that when queer teens come out or get outed or stay closeted or anything that they actually do have support for the aftermath and aren’t left feeling like the abuse they face is their fault.

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

perfect now - a close reading

only pure and true love for this one. it’s soft and sweet because the one he wrote it for is and needs cheesy uncool romcom soundtrack-worthy affirmations and it’s the most wonderful thing oh my the flurries 

some album booklet art for your viewing pleasure

((just a warning for below: while the lyric analysis was kept fairly neutral and close to the words and their meaning, more and more parallels did ensure me larrying out by the time the analysis kicked off so if you’re not into that, you can skip this one!))

⟼ check out @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s magnificent post with all the parallels to 1d/h&l bc it’s exhaustive and was a source for mine <3 thank you again for your service <3 bc this song really is a fanpiece of every song that has been important to them throughout their career so far, whether they wrote it or not, and it’s honestly kinda impressive

SUMMARY

you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway

lyric breakdown ft. the many parallels, incl. little things, through the dark and wmyb

what this says about louis, his partner and the relationship he is in

never gonna dance again frenzy

identity 

louis is a marvellous majestic sonofabitch basically <3

walls, track 10

～ little things “you still have to squeeze into your jeans, but you’re perfect to me”

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

later lyric: “like a neon sign” - i see through you trying to hide away your insecurities

I wish that you could see my point of view As someone staring back at you

“you” is also staring at him, but perhaps is too insecure to realise how mutual the adoration is

i wish i could get you out of your own negative spiral and give you a look at yourself from my perspective

～ wmyb “everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you” 

～ wmyb “right now i’m looking at you and i can’t believe you don’t know you’re beautiful”

～ little things “you never love yourself half as much as I love you, and you’ll never treat yourself right darling but I want you to. If I let you know, I’m here for you, maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you”

On Friday night when we’re all out I turn to you and you’re looking down And you don’t wanna dance I know you love to dance You never stop given half the chance

heavy echoes of kmm again, but the opposite: the “nightmare on the dance floor” doesn’t want to dance

when “you” is confident rlly not being subtle with who i think that is, they love to dance <-> tpwk “feeling good in my skin, i just keep on dancing”

“i know you love to dance” = i know what you love bc i love you

“given half the chance” 

～ tpwk “giving/given second chances”

given a chance tattoo, making another appearance (see below for more tattoo meltdowns)

Just keep your head up, love, keep your head up

term of endearment <3 

～ dlibyh

this album is full of encouragement to keep going and as much as it gives me life it ruins me 

Don’t hide away, don’t ever change

“be happy, proud”

～ “just hold on”

“pick someone who’s supportive”

Keep your head up, love, keep your head up Don’t look away, don’t look away

don’t look away from me

～ through the dark “and I can see your head is held in shame”

Cause everybody’s looking at you now, my, oh my

they have the stage to themselves / new career paths they’re doing on their own

could also mean ppl they’re going out with are looking at them, which “you” interprets as sth negative, which makes them self-conscious, while they’re actually admiring them bc they steal the scene

～ wmyb “you’re turning heads when you walk through the door”

I guess some queens don’t need a crown And I know why Even when your tears are falling down Still, somehow, you’re perfect now

“you” is royalty to louis, to put it simply 

they don’t need something on their head to make it known to everyone else - they’re a queen and everyone knows it

gendered: female - also used in drag contexts - the only time L has used any gendered word to identify his partner on the entire album (more on this below)

～ steal my girl "she's been my queen since we were sixteen" can't believe i forgot this one thank you @mortalenemiestolovers for reminding me!!!

～ falling

～ through the dark “you tell me that your tears are here to stay”

You never do, but if you asked me to I’ll tell the truth lying next to you

“you” never asks for affirmations directly, but by saying shit like their pants are too tight make it clear enough to L that they do need to hear once in a while that it’s not true

Cause you’re the only one when it’s said and done You make me feel like being someone 

Good to you even at your worst

～ always you

i love you so much you are a force of life to me, and even when you hate me i want more

～ drag me down “If I didn’t have you there would be nothing left, the shell of a man who could never be his best. If I didn’t have you, I’d never see the sun. You taught me how to be someone” (sung by louis first, harry second) 

～ through the dark “even if you scream and shout, it’ll come back to you and I’ll be here for you

You steal the scene and it’s unrehearsed

reference to working on a stage - their natural presence wins everyone over - that charisma is never manufactured

Don’t you wanna dance? Just a little dance I’ll never stop given half the chance

L keeps encouraging them, will also not pass by any chance to dance with them

Every insecurity, like a neon sign, as bright as day If you knew what you were to me You would never try to hide away

“it’s hard to miss”

L sees through them trying to hide their insecurities, pretend to be strong

～ through the dark “but I know you were only hiding”

SYNTHESIS

Perfect Now is not a fan favorite and I am so not here for that discourse, so please do not pester me with negativity about this chocolate drop of a song. 

As others have pointed out, the parallels with other songs written by Louis, Harry or for One Direction are extremely present. Especially Little Things is echoed loudly, but there’s so much more to be read, as you’ve seen. These are songs that are clearly near and dear to Louis, bc he wrote them or bc performing them was special, like with Little Things and What Makes You Beautiful. A lot of the same emotions come back in Louis’s writing, so much so that you can’t help but see the larger story behind it all. Throughout Walls you can hear him singing about not giving up and holding your head high despite hardships, and if you look back at his earlier writing, it’s always been there. Through the Dark is an early and striking example of this style of Louis song: you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway 

basically through the dark’s chorus:

Oh, I will carry you over Fire and water for your love And I will hold you closer Hope your heart is strong enough When the night is coming down on you We will find a way Through the dark

It is very clear that Louis is faced with a partner - I can freely say it’s Harry now right? are the antis gone by now? i think so - that struggles with his body, with his identity, with how he wants to present himself vs how opinions on that might push him down and dampen his spirit. Louis, always the supportive boyfriend, then tries his best to make him see the light, while keeping that space for his sadness, his struggles, or their joint struggles. Accept the sadness but don’t lose your heart to it.

I’ve linked @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s post at the start of this post, but I need to stress how good it is once more as I also shamelessly insert a screenshot from it here bc it makes me feel a lot and summarizes perfectly just how deeply Perfect Now is woven into the history of their lives, relationship and especially “you”s/Harry’s personal struggle with their identity/body/confidence...

Because yes, i absolutely think these tattoos are being echoed in the song. “Never gonna dance again” as a lyric and then as a tattoo on Harry’s legs like shackles around his ankles represents the sensation of shame, of being stuck, bc of your desires, bc of your sexuality. Obviously we can never know why Harry got the tattoo, as in what experience pushed him to choose those lyrics or what exactly he recognizes in himself, but it’s safe to say it’s about the struggles of being queer and navigating relationships with that identity and with others.

Most importantly, the sense of shamelessly dancing, dancing like no one’s watching, dancing together with your lover, as a celebration of self, life, love, is the key here. Harry got that tattoo ages ago, at a time when he undoubtedly felt way more stuck. When he couldn’t dance freely the way he wanted to and with whom he wanted to. Perfect Now is a reminder to him, an encouragement to still dance if he wants to, no matter what people say or think. Significantly, then, Harry’s own Treat People With Kindness heavily features that same sentiment, but in an extremely positive light: i have found a place (in life and in myself) where i feel like i have given and was given second chances and now i dance bc i finally feel good in my skin.

Louis has obviously been there from the start, or at least from when or before Harry properly started experimenting with/questioning how he likes to present and how he identifies as. Before he ever dared to consider pulling on a pair of women’s skinny jeans, never mind a ball gown. Louis has seen him limit himself as well as being limited by others ofc and has always seemed to have been there, with a secure hand on Harry’s back, to encourage him. Even at a time when boys wearing nail polish or skirts was unthinkable. Just remember how much encouragement Harry needed when growing out his hair; Louis literally joined him. yes this might make me cry okay i need to stop bc i’m going off track and this is just becoming a larry breakdown while i was trying to hype up this beautiful song. 

What I’m trying to say is: Louis has always seen all of Harry. He’s always had his back, no matter what. He’s loved every part of him. And now, on a completely gender neutral album, in the sweetest, softest song off of the entire thing, Louis puts in the word “queen”, and that is so very deliberate it makes me want to scream. It’s Louis confirming his love again and again while affirming the multitudes contained by Harry, including everything involving his gender journey. brb crying

It’s a raw Louis, an honest, sweet, kind, loving partner, and both of them are fucking lucky to have each other, and I also wish that all of us end up in a caring and wholesome relationship like that. I truly do.

[i-snort-queer-media]

Can we talk about how important this tweet is for a second?

I'm gonna say this again once a Trailer for Season 2 drops but this person is absolutely right and it reminded me of something @ground-zoro posted a while ago:

Netflix does NOT put enough work into promoting Warrior Nun, it is up to us fans, I think someone on the production team even mentioned that they only got renewed because Netflix saw how dedicated the fans of this series are. Things we can do are listed down below, feel free to add :)

The plot of Warrior Nun develops relatively slowly compared to other shows on streaming platforms. Normally we have a clear "team" and clear team dynamics by episode 3, and the couple gets together either in the middle or at the end of the season and the end goal of the protagonists is also clear very early on. Because streaming platforms want audiences to binge watch, there isn't really time for good slowburns or for the 'real conflict' / 'real enemy' to be revealed later on.

This slow pace was one of the things reviewers didn't like on Rotten Tomatoes or IMDB and maybe WN also lost some viewers who didn't complete the first season because only at the end of S1 we have all those things I listed above.

Warrior Nun has potential and I think it needs and deserves at least 3 or 4 seasons to tell its story, our job is to make sure that happens and these are some things we can do:

▪︎ once a trailer comes out we need to promote it online as well as offline so that even people who only watched Season 1 casually remember the show and come back for Season 2 (ergo WN doesn't lose viewers)

▪︎ once the episodes are out we should watch them within 28 days, complete the season and if possible, watch more than 2 episodes directly after another!!!(This is something that the Netflix algorithm really likes)

▪︎Rewatches also help

▪︎ If you have access to other Netflix accounts, watch WN on them and give a positive rating. You can mute your laptop/TV while doing homework, workouts, work, etc.

▪︎ make TikToks, Twitter and YouTube edits and memes of Ava and Beatrice (add more moments from S2)!! THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT STEP! We all know that queer people watch stuff with queer couples in it and often you find out that there's a wlw couple on social media. The wilds on Amazon Prime, for example, partly became so popular because people already knew that they could expect a lesbian couple (Shelby and Toni) in it because they saw them on TikTok.

▪︎ don't only promote Warrior Nun in English but also in your native language/ the languages that you speak. One of this show's biggest strenghts is that it was able to get many views from non-english speaking countries and we should take that into consideration.

▪︎ spam the RenewWarriorNun Hashtag on Twitter

▪︎ leave a good rating on Netflix

▪︎ leave good reviews and ratings on IMBD/Rotten Tomatoes etc. and point out the strenghts of the show and that S2 (hopefully) ties the events of S1 together.

Strenghts of the show are: queer representation in the form of Avatrice as well as Mary, Shannon and Chanel, the scenery, cast diversity, multiple languages are spoken, fight scenes/ action, an overall feminist theme, the theme of dealing with catholic trauma, A BADASS SISTER BEATRICE DAMN, the show doesn't shy away from using swear words, the humour, etc.

▪︎ when you see ppl looking for show reccomendations (with queer representation) on TikTok, Tumblr, Twitter, etc. recommend Warrior Nun in the comments, bring it up so that people will see the title of the show more often.

▪︎ when recommending the show, remind ppl that the plot of the show/ the romance isn't supposed to feel rushed and that by watching the show they contribute to a renewal.

Because productions in Europe, especially Spain, are often cheaper than productions in the US I hope that Netflix won't be too hesitant to renew Warrior Nun for a third season, especially after Warrior Nun was in the Netflix Top Ten (I think) in many countries after it came out so it is our goal that S2 can reach that status as well.

Thank you all, I think Warrior Nun has an amazing fandom ⚔

[quercus-queer]

BA’s Reckoning

Yes, I stole this title from the Sporkful podcast. You should check it out!

So just a reminder the whole thing that kicked this off was when Tammie Teclemariam tweeted the photo of Rapoport in brown face (yes its brown face its a purposeful caricature of Puerto Rican ppl, his girlfriend called him her papi in the caption as well) saying he should simply write the article on Puerto Rican food then (the issue was Illyanna Maisonet, a Puerto Rican food writer, got rejected rudely by Rapo for her pitch to write about Puerto Rican food) Which brings up the larger issue of BA being racist and not covering any other dishes besides Eurocentric ones, and the ones that aren't Eurocentric are almost always either whitewashed or done by white people which is what happened with Masionet’s article (this is where Amanda Shapiro and Meryl Rothstein come in).

This led to a zoom meeting where Rapo made a shitty apology leading Sohla El-Waylly’s instagram posts, where she condemns Rapo, talks about her 50k salary despite having 15 years of restaurant experience (She ran a fucking restaurant and 50k in NYC is pathetic), being hired to help white editors, and not being paid for ANY of her video appearances (none of the poc you see in videos have been compensated including the zoom videos). Which has led to many people at BA being exposed for being terrible (Conde Nast is the parent company and owns BA, Vogue, Architectural Digest, Allure, Glamour, Wired, Epicurious,Teen Vogue among other things... also take note how most of these have consistently been criticized for their racism or “race problems”)

ANYWAY here’s a general guide of what each BA person has done, this is in no way comprehensive, feel free to investigate on your own, always fact check and form your own opinions!

Adam Rapoport: Brown face, not paying his non-white employees for their video appearances, treating his assistant Ryan Walker-Hartshorn (a black woman) like shit (she was working overtime and was barely making rent with what he was paying her), he's sexist (see every video with Molly) and racist (mixing up Sohla and Priya Krishna and never apologizing) and more!

Check out the Business Insider piece, twitter (Tammie’s, Christina Chaey’s, and Priya’s), Sohla’s podcast and interviews, and someone made a compilation of Rapo being condescending I think

Matt Duckor: Disgusting, racist, homophobic, sexist all around terrible person, probably the most obviously terrible of the bunch (see Rick Martinez’s insta plus Duckor’s own tweets), strung along Sohla for months saying that her pay was “stuck in legal” so that she would keep appearing in videos, gave Sohla a contract when this stuff first started happening to try and shut her up, HE is the one deciding pay for everyone at BA and was the one not paying poc for video appearances.

Check out Rick’s Insta, Twitter for Duckor’s tweets (screenshots bc he deleted his account)

Carla Lalli Music: First off, ppl are pointing out she was condescending af to a lot of her guests on her show (except for the white ones). The racism at BA did not start nor stop with Adam Rapoport and guess who was editor in chief before him? Yup, Mrs. Carla Lalli Music! Necessary amendment: Carla was the food director NOT the editor in chief and she is currently an editor at large... still a powerful position though and I think the sentiment still stands. She had a pretty pathetic twitter thread about how she should’ve done more but was focused on the sexism/focusing on women, strange because she also sent that shitty email to two women along with Delany and Brad after the two of them, Delany, and Brad were talking in the kitchen, telling them not to enter the kitchen without permission (not enforced on Brad or Delany obviously, only the two women who happen to not be white) I misread the article, Brad was a part of the convo, he did NOT receive the email, and didn't respond to the articles request for comment.. he fucking works in the test kitchen, i’m an idiot and that's on me

Business insider and her twitter 

Alex Delany: I have a post with the screenshots of the confederate flag cake he made himself because he felt the “need to express some southern heritage in cake form. Such a glorious cake...” for his friend moving to South Carolina, the lovely vine with the classic “F*g is a bundle of sticks joke” also have a post discussing that, he’s wildly underqualified for DRINKS editor and overpaid, also his girlfriend is Allegra Lorenzotti whose mother Eva Lorenzotti, is in Jeffery Epstein’s black book which is concerning (though who knows maybe Delany is dating a different wealthy Allegralo), also those sexist tweets

I have screenshots from Tumblr, ppl have the vine on twitter along with the sexist tweets (he deleted his twitter and Tumblr btw)

Andy Baraghani: There are screenshots of Alyse Whitney’s (an asian woman) twitter thread saying Andy purposefully undercut her articles multiple times because of a petty feud with Antoni from Queer Eye by using his friendship with Amanda Shapiro (Whitney’s editor) to kill the story, which is shitty and brings up the bigger picture of BA being cliquey and getting in with a friend of a friend and such which is just a toxic work environment

Amanda Shapiro: Puerto Rican food article, Alyse Whitney’s articles, she’s a perpetuator of the toxic work environment, stealing Nikita Richardson’s work and getting credit and pay for it (pls check out her twitter and the articles with her), also racist, should not be in charge

Chris Morocco: Made one (1) basic post (simply a reply to Molly calling him out actually) at the beginning of all this agreeing to not be in anymore videos until his coworkers got paid/backpay, he said he was complicit (duh) but also that he had no idea this was happening, but guess what? He is the one that hired Sohla for only 50k! There is a whole can of worms about how little Sohla was hired for despite her experience plus talent along with her current pay and Chris is a part of that. Also both his gumbo video and Halo Halo recipe are downright disrespectful at BEST and they should not have had a white man doing them (again with the white people doing articles/videos that can be EASILY given to someone whose actually part of that culture) and before anyone says anything yes the gumbo was for Chris’s show (strange how only white ppl get shows or in Andy’s case unless you’re friends with a higher up) still doesn't make the video less disrespectful, also he’s SAID he is friends with Anna Wintour (head of vogue, and a racist “there’s no room for black women” the reason the vogue challenge is happening)

Brad Leone: Himbo status permanently revoked, “Brad who just found out racism is real”(Sohla said this in the Sporkful podcast) is NOT acceptable for a 35 year old white man whose coworkers are suffering in a clearly toxic work environment, the screenshot with “I didn’t sign her contract she did” is NOT how you respond to your coworker being underpaid and disrespected by the company she works at because she is not a white man. I do not like him anymore, he has made apologies but ignorance to this extent is willful and I don't completely buy it the rumors he was upset Delany was going to be fired/would quit if Delany was fired/was mad at Sohla is not something I was able to confirm but based off of what I’ve seen he really needs to prove himself to be better, he can stay if that’s what his coworkers want but he is on thin fucking ice

Stuff I can't accredit to a single person, but BA is racist: 

NIKITA RICHARDSON, pls check her out on twitter

They sent Sohla to interview black chefs (bc BA has a bad track record) because she was the darkest and there were literally NO black chefs working at BA

Making Priya only cook Indian dishes (which were kinda whitewashed) I actually think this may have been Duckor

Tokenizing the poc staff (they would make them be in the kitchen when filming the white hosts shows and push them in front of the camera to highlight nonexistent diversity)

Paying Hawa Hassan only $400 for her video (probs also Duckor)

[chaosclover1999]

im on a roll ranting abt things that r annoying me 2day ig so while im here fuck ouran high school host club

im so sick of seeing it show up on "top 10 anime w/ nb characters" lists, 1] the main character is not even confirmed nb and 2] the show is so bad, like i know a lot of ppl reading this probably haven't looked at the show since they were a teenager but i decided 2 look back on it bc i remembered some weird shit and thought "nah it couldn't hav been that bad" but it was, watching ohshc is like when ur in the cottagecore tag and u come across 1 of those tradwife posts where u think it's cottagecore at 1st but then u read the description and c there's some alt right bs going on

in short ohshc is full of misogyny, lesbophobia, fetishization of queer men, incest and pedo shit and glorification of sexual assult

the literal plot of the show is a gnc afab falls 4 this rich boy and hijinks ensue and they now need 2 crossdress and pretend 2 b a guy also the rich boy wants 2 b w/ them but also wants them 2 conform 2 gender norms and is only ok w/ them being gnc when it's 4 the profit of the host club so it's actually way worse if u do read the main character as nb bc rich dick is constantly trying 2 get them 2 b "more like a girl"

also the whole fanservice w/ the incest twins

also the antagonists 2 just a group of lesbians from the rival school and rich dick has a whole arse speech abt how lesbians bad and not what god intended or w/e tf, also even if that 1 was due 2 translation from sub 2 dub they still use the lesbians exclusively 4 feminazi "jokes" including making them do a nazi salute in front of the nazi flag also the show wants u 2 ship the 1 that's called "the boy lolita" [aka pedo bait] w/ his cousin who is also his man servant

and then there was that epsiode where rich dick flirted w/ an elementary school kid and they recruited another elementary school kid into their host club who then was flirting w/ and getting hit on by high schoolers as if that's somehow normal

and then there's the fuking beach episode where the main character is scolded 4 trying 2 save these 2 teenage girls who were being sexually assaulted [groped] by 2 guys who were i think in their 40s or some shit? point being every1 tells her she shouldn't hav tried 2 help bc "she's a girl" and she should've instead relied on the men 2 help her save them, later in the same episode glasses bitch pretends he's going 2 rape her 2 remind her of her place as a woman and this is played as fanservice

and that's just the bs i can remember off the top of my head

so yeh don't go 2 ohshc if u want good nb rep, i'd recommend just watching steven universe or craig of the creek, if u want anime the sub of tiger and bunny might b a good 1 2 check out

[cross-d-a]

Pass the happy!💖 When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications!

(I have decided that Discord notifs count because I love you dearly and wanna hear what makes you happy)

HELLO!!!! I love you and I kinda really needed this and I think you know that so thank you!!!!! I love and appreciate you SO MUCH!!

Also I've literally been thinking about this post for two hours and so I'm not gonna stick to just five- I'm gonna list MORE than that because I wanna remind myself that there are many wonderful things in the world to be happy about and also PICS!! I'm adding PICS bc I CAN!!!!!!!!!

under the cut bc it gets LONG! :)

1) YOU make me happy, Sierra!!!!!!! Also @s1utspeare and @vishcount and of course my bff @haru-tl !!! You guys are so fucking incredible and talented and AMAZING!!!! I love you all SO MUCH!!! You always make my day!!! And all the dmbj peeps!!! I am so lucky to know so many wonderful people!!!!

2) as long as we're on the subject of people- I absolutely can't leave out my coworkers!!! Literally some of the best people I've ever met in my life. I have so much fun with them. I can always count on them making me laugh.

Like today, we were talking about this reptile house a few towns away and my manager was telling us about their cool anaconda exhibit where you can crawl under the glass tank and watch them eat and she mentioned their teeth being scary. So I googled Anaconda Teeth and went WOAH THEY'RE COOL and our Resident Snake Expert came over and went actually that pic is from the movie Anaconda. And then he helped me find Real Pics and the teeth were even COOLER. I left the Google search up on the work computer and a couple hours when I was on lunch I heard Mike exclaim: "I had NO idea that ANACONDAS had TEETH!!!!!!" Which?? MIKE?? WHAT??? Hahaha everyone burst into laughter :)

3) my cat BOOTS makes me happy!! He's always asking for belly scritches and he drools when he's happy. Here's a pic bc I adore him:

4) my new baby boy So Mun from The Uncanny Counter makes me VERY happy!!!!! He's just- the Sweetest Boy to have ever Baby'd!!! I adore his little crinkly-eyed smile and curly hair!!! He's just so GOOD it makes me cry!! Also!! Disabled rep!!!!! LOVE HIM!!!!! Look at his lil' FACE:

and bc he is Unfortunately Very Hot in his mourning outfit:

adding this too bc LOOK AT THAT ADORABLE SMILE I wanna SCREAM

5) my Pangzi necklace makes me happy!!! I have an Iron Triangle matching set, but the Pangzi one I first put on bc of Brigid's Pangzi chapter for Swiftly Tilting and then I kinda just- never took it off haha. It's just so pretty and makes me feel like I've got a bit of Pangzi with me at all times. I love that man SO much and if I can be even a fraction of how wonderful he is, then I can die happy

6) the smell of the sea makes me happy!!! It makes me feel refreshed and relaxed! I live by Puget Sound and on very lucky days I can smell it at my house! Tonight was a lucky night! I came home and it smelled like the seashore, so I kept my window open as I folded laundry :)

7) my new collection of Kpop CDs makes me happy!! It's entirely bc of Vish's influence and I LOVE her for it!!! The packaging is just so pretty and I always love being able to hold things that give me Good Feelings in my hands :)

8) since we're on the subject of COLLECTIONS, I love to collect things!! And one collection of things that makes me happy are my books!! I have- too many. Working in a bookstore makes it too easy to buy them! But seeing the bright spines on my shelves gives me delight. I particularly really like my queer manga collection!! I've got four whole shelves of it! :) I'd offer a pic but I'm too tired to go upstairs, haha but I love the art and the representation 🌈

9) I ALSO really love all the figures I collect! Seeing characters that I love on a daily basis makes me happy. I usually decorate my bookshelves with them. One set that makes me particularly happy are my Pingxie ones. They look like they're getting married and it delights me:

10) another purchase that is entirely bc of Vish (I ADORE you!!) is my Chimmy blanket!! He's just so adorable and bright and coming home every day to see him waiting on my bed makes me very happy

11) yet another bright yellow thing that makes me happy is my dmbj Xiao Ge coaster!! It's so sparkly and fun AND it's a friendship coaster I share with Sierra!! We've got a matching set, babe!! I love you!! Let's just shake them around and be distracted by the sparkles forever!!

12) coming back to work from my weekend to find a bunch of manga to shelve always makes me very happy!!! Buying/pricing/shelving manga is my favourite thing to do at work! I love seeing familiar and new titles!

And it's interesting to see how prices can change if it goes out of print! Sometimes every single book in a series but ONE is the same price. Like last month we had a series where like/ volume 8 was worth $250 vs the regular $7.99 for the rest of them. And someone BOUGHT IT!! Things like that can happen randomly. It can be bc it was a smaller printing for that particular volume. OR something special happens in it (new character appearance/fan favourite story arc/BOOBS), so more ppl want to keep it which means it's harder to come by (and then sellers raise their prices BC it's difficult to come by). You usually see the collectible value go up for out of print BL or older series like Aria or Lupin III. Not everything that's out of print is collectible, but it's always interesting when it is :)

13) DAY6's The Book of Us: Gravity has graciously given me a big serotonin boost the last couple days!! It's just- I dunno! Uplifting! Catchy! Full of energy! :)

14) similarly, I've been listening to Close Your Eyes by Isaac Hong almost exclusively for like- five days now! It's from The Uncanny Counter and it makes me very happy! It's very emotional and just reminds me of my baby boy So Mun :)

15) sunshine makes me happy!! I'm at that point in the year where I don't want rain anymore, just sun! So it's always nice having my windows open at home with the sun shining through. Or the back doors at work propped open while we go about our day. It's almost impossible to feel sad when you get to bask in the warmth of the sun and smell the nice fresh air

16) finding weird random books at work makes me happy! It's so fun seeing the kinds of things people read! And sometimes you find cool ephemera in the things people sell to us that they don't want back. Like- look at this pic from an older fortune-telling birthday book I found. She is 1000% Drowning Him and I love that for her :)

17) reading manga makes me happy. There are just so many wonderful and ridiculous series out there. There really is nothing "too weird to publish" in the manga world. I was reminded of this the other day when I discovered a series about a girl who timetravels and finds out that her soulmate is a Neanderthal. You can literally find a series about ANYTHING in the manga world and I love that about it. There's no limit to the imagination and there's something for everyone :)

18) when I'm in the mood, writing and drawing make me happy. There's just something about creating that really just- fills the soul :)

19) making playlists makes me happy!! I love having playlists for characters and relationships and fics and even specific fic chapters or moods or going to sleep! (And rec playlists! Like Vish's :) ) It's just- so satisfying having the Perfect Playlist on hand! Plus it's fun actually making them- like figuring out the mood/lyrics and what they fit into :) I listen to music almost constantly, so this is essential! :)

So thank you Sierra!! It was nice to remind myself about a lot of different things that bring joy to my life!! I love and adore you SO MUCH 💖💖💖

[mircallablue]

Wow. The cr fandom is so fucking vicious I can't--- insinuating you are mentally ill because you're not 100% praising or being positive about something they like is disgusting. (Also going to a queer person and saying they need help when statistically queer people have a high number of mental issues is 😬) I'm just gonna remind that anon that it's not healthy being only positive, and you're allowed to critize media or call people out for their racist, homophobic views or actions! But you just want to close your eyes, go back to hero-worshipping people who will never care about you and even though you probably know a lot of these posts are right(you know that uneasy feeling you get in your stomach?)you would rather silence ppl than working on your feelings of why ppl speaking negative about it upsets you so much. Change has never come from staying silent, smiling and nodding along.

There are so many issues with critical role atm, but what bothers me is that they are all so easy to fix if the cast and the fandom were willing. The art features blatantly white-washed PoC? Just apologise and redo it. People are dropping homophobic slurs in the chat? Get moderators who actually care, and call out the homophobes directly rather than stating “if it’s not for you it’s ok”. People got triggered by a genuinely traumatic subject because there was no content warning? Start using content warnings, which will be easy to do because the show is no longer live.

These are all such easy things to do. we’re not asking for CR to move mountains, here. But no, the fanbase would rather literally bully anyone who posts about this stuff, and because of that CR has absolutely no reason to change.

and I’ll say it again, the “It’s THEIR game!” crowd will 100% throw CR under a bus once the show crosses whatever their personal line is.

[malopeach]

honestly i think the whole ‘queer is a slur!!11!!!!!1!!’ discourse really is an online exclusive, cuz if you walked into any queer pride event in the south and tried that, you would undoubtedly get your shit rocked

like no shit it was a slur, so was Gay. so was Lesbian and Dyke. so was Transvestite but it still became the preferred term for trans people until most of us started using transgender (and there are still DEFINITELY older ppl who use transvestite and i’m not about to correct somebody who fought cops and shit for our rights!!). and if i ever find a better word than queer that neatly encapsulates my experience with gender and sexuality i’d jump on it! but for now, i’m QUEER. THAT is my identity, that is who i am, a queer person! and reminding a, quite frankly, Massive group of people that one of their primary descriptors was used as a slur for a long time isn’t helpful or constructive.

if you don’t like the term for yourself, cool, no worries. I will never personally refer to someone with a term their uncomfortable with cuz that’s their choice. but stop?? coming to queer people and telling them they have to keep that term to themselves and that it shouldn’t be use publicly??? if everyone decided suddenly that lesbian should be considered a slur again and no one should say it, im sure lesbians would be fuckin pissed dude.

And furthermore, stop fucking following people that OPENLY IDENTIFY AS QUEER IF YOU HATE THAT WORD SO MUCH. im sick of having to block folks ive been mutuals with for a while because one day they decide to wake up and reblog posts about how MY identity is a problem for them. I have the fact that im queer LISTED ON MY BLOGGGG do not FOLLOW ME if you don’t like that term!! it is that simple???

and again, really, EXCLUSIVELY an online problem. i have never seen anybody who attends Actual queer events take issue with the term, because theres bigger issues to deal with. One of the biggest lgbt organizations in my area is named SFQP; Southern Fried QUEER Pride. and they’re like, the go to group for when you’re queer and in need, or wanna host a gay event. No one takes issue with it, cuz quite frankly Local Biggots Trying To Kill Us is a big issue, language policing is definitely not.

[noctomania]

Just having a moment

Dad already had been fighting a lung infection for a while when the pandemic hit. After about the first year, I think, of the pandemic his health has steadily gotten worse. It's been one thing after another and now we're looking at a situation where he may be facing the end of his life. He can't breathe well on his own and he has an extreme phobia of wearing a mask so he's been apparently a bit difficult during the pandemic in terms of wearing a mask, but also now that he needs a mask to help him breathe. The only way they could get it to work was sedating him (with his permission) so he can wear it.

I'm at work rn but I'm not *here* really. I couldn't tell you anything about the last hour. Ive not cried, the only time i really felt close to crying was bc I was hearing my sister cry on the phone. I'd known this was coming and I guess either I'm prepared? Or just hasn't really hit yet? Idk. It's complicated bc my relationship with my parents lately has not been great, we don't really talk. I still haven't talked to my stepmom. I don't know how to explain why I feel a way towards them. Bc it's not like a blunt obvious issue yanno? It's just they have a culture about them that I don't deal well with i guess.

I don't know that I'll be able to speak to him before he passes, idk what the next steps are, and I can't be there so I'm just stuck knowing that things are going south and that I have nothing to do but sit and wait for the inevitable. It's not that I don't feel anything, I feel sick and tired and frustrated. But also plain overwhelmed so I can't even get the energy to deal with any of that feeling. I do care, I just deal with things differently bc I have to.

Anything to do with family immediately triggers a ton of shit I don't want to think about yet think about all too often. I can't shut shit off. And what's worse is there is also a part of my brain saying I'm selfish and petty and that nothing but other people's issues matter and all that shit. That if i had real problems I wouldn't be where i am. But then i remember I'm only where i am bc I have fought so hard to keep from giving up even though I have wanted, dreamed, fantasized about not having to fight anymore and just giving up.

Do you know how infuriated i get with myself when I am triggered by a fuckin pill bottle bc I feel like I'm the one who made myself mentally ill? But i have to give myself grace and remind myself that I'm not in a tunnel and that isn't Destiny - i just need to let the moment pass and the moment pass and the moment pass. That nobody makes themselves miserable on purpose. That not all issues have a place to lay blame. That the important thing is to try to take care of myself. Which is hard when I'm not getting the prompts I should or don't understand them or whatever.

When i last talked to dad he said he'd always been proud of me. Idk why or how. I'd never really thought about whether or not I make them proud. Idk why. I've felt just difficult, inconvenient, a financial drain. When i moved into their house they put me to work as soon as it was legal, when it was exhausting me bc I was in school and literally hurting bc my feet are shit, I was shamed for quitting. When I was turning 18 i was given an ultimatum to either go to college - which I did not want to do bc I had no idea what I wanted to do & it was a lot of money - or move out and find a way to live off of what a queer 18yo in texas fresh out of high school could find to sustain them. Somewhat homeless during college, as every holiday and summer break it was like ok who is going to let me sleep on their couch while the dorms are closed? Eternally grateful to those who put me up here. Can think of at least 3 households who did. I hate accepting help. It was humbling and I always tried to be a good guest. I never felt like I was good enough and always felt like a burden despite never being treated as such by these households. They treated me as family.

That continued as college ended going from couch to a full time live-in temp job to scrambling to find an apartment that I couldn't really afford when ppl couldn't put me up anymore. Applying to over a hundred jobs. Then landing an overpriced room in a precarious situation I was too naive at the time to navigate that also almost landed me on the street. When I reached out to my parents just for guidance on what I could do, they took it as me asking to move in with them (which i never asked for that i recall), said they couldn't help me, and that I'd have to sign up for the military if I was struggling (which was illegal at the time bc of the trans ban they clearly didn't care to know about despite knowing their son is trans) Anyway...

Idk what there was of me to be proud of. What did I do? What you told me to do? Is that what you're proud of? My submissiveness? Ruining my life for your opinion?

He also asked if I was happy. Happy? In this world? In this pandemic? I said I'm content bc at this point I didn't feel allowed to complain about anything but certainly couldn't lie. I wasn't allowed to feel vulnerable about what I'm facing every day. Someone always has it worse.

Well no shit someone always "has it worse", bc that's not a real standard. Am I not allowed to say it's hot out bc people in hell don't get snow cones?

Part of self care I've had to learn is that grace with yourself and taking yourself seriously. This is a very hard thing to do for some of us. Some of us will let ourselves get to a point where it's worse than had we dealt with it earlier on. Some of us struggle with knowing what it looks like to ask for help or where or how or even allowed to. Or even necessarily to know when we should.

I'm trying to balance the self care with trying not to be self-absorbed. I'm trying to still differentiate between the two as somewhere along the way I'd been taught they are the same when it comes to me but nobody else. I'm trying not to believe this whole post is self pity bc it's really just relaying the facts. I just can't help but imagine the shit being talked about me behind my back bc I know it happens.

Idk there's no real end to this and i should be more focused at work. I just needed to dump this off.

[queerfables]

Supernatural Post-Mortem (1x12 - 1x15)

P, N and I discuss these episodes after the fact, because I didn’t make notes while we watched them. I don’t think I actually have any major warnings for our conversation about these episodes. 

1x12 - Faith

Notes to self, as a reminder of what it was about: “Dean faith healed, reapers”

When I read these out to P & N, they both start making excited sounds and I join in because yeah, we all really loved this episode!!

N: This is when Dean nearly died saving kids, too. P&I: Is it? N: Yeah, at the beginning, when he got electrocuted! Another point for Dean is good with kids! P: A good boy!!

This is the episode where Dean’s life is saved when it’s traded for the life of the gay man.  Me: So, like, Dean was given his heart! P&N: Ohhhhhhhhh. N: Aw, Dean has a queer heart. Me: I mean, we knew that already.  N: Yes, but it’s surprisingly literal and I love it.

N says, “I think every time Dean tries to problem solve in an episode, there’s probably a simpler solution.” When he was in the tent trying to stop the faith healing from happening, he yells, fire, but he could have like ACTUALLY started a fire, which would have stopped the lady from hanging around and trying to continue killing the guy. Or he could have faked a heart attack, which might have made people doubt the whole faith healing thing. 

P&N disagree with me on this, but I personally think the subtext of the villain in this episode trying to kill Dean when she realises he’s trying to stop her is that it’s because he’s queer. She doesn’t try to kill Sam, even when he’s trying to stop her just as much - she locks him in a basement and tries to reason with him about why his brother is an abomination. (Ofc I do tend to think Sam is queer too, but maybe she hasn’t figured that out). 

I generally loved the lady who had a brain tumour in this episode. It was really powerful to set her up as, like, complicating the narrative of “We have to stop these healings from happening”. It’s not wrong but she kind of shows why it’s not that simple, there’s always a cost even to doing the right thing. She also feels like one of the first ladies Dean actually had a real connection with, their - maybe romance? maybe friendship? whatever it was - really worked for me. 

N says they loved how the reaper was super keen to kill the lady who’d been controlling him. “I mean, I would be too. I don’t wanna go around murdering queer people!” P agrees. “Right? I love queer people.” I would definitely rather murder homophobes instead. 

1x13 - Route 666

Notes to self: “Cassie, Racist Truck”

P: Oh! I loved Cassie!  N & I agree. Cassie was great. 

I actually did start making notes from this episode while we watched but I never finished them. Here’s what I had: --Dean says he was called by a friend who really wouldn't have called if it wasn't urgent. Me: "That sounds like an ex" --It's Cassie! I'm excited to meet her! --P, N & I agree Cassie is a babe and we're excited to see how Dean fucked this up

N says, “It might have been me reading too much into it but I actually thought this episode was a pretty solid commentary on race.” 

N: I really thought that, despite the entirety of supernatural handling race about as well as a greased football, this episode had a solid multiple-layer analogy for the way racism, historically and currently, expresses itself across communities and generations. the analogy goes as far as making it clear that the instigating incident that prompts the angry, racist resurgence is done by a white dude, but that he is shielded from the initial backlash and consequences while the revived racism starts out targeting tangentially-related black people instead--something that definitely happens irl. It also makes it clear that a) racism is something you have to actively examine and purge, sometimes multiple times, b) it is not over even when the racists are dead and its spectre lurks amongst our communities and, most importantly, c) respectability politics are junk and sometimes you have to help cover up a racist’s murder

P says that they love that the white dude was a cop but, like, actually a good cop. Again, because of the covering up racist murder. 

I’d like to emphasise that I loved the way that Dean and Cassie’s relationship was portrayed. It turned out it was actually not entirely Dean’s fault that this fell apart. I mean, I personally think he should have lied to her until he was able to come back and then told her the truth, so she wouldn’t think he was coming up with a bizarro lie to leave her, but also like... He was trying to be honest, he wanted to really connect with her, and I have a lot of feelings about that. 

I’m sad that Dean and Cassie aren’t going to work out in the long run but I understand why. Would have been cool to see her again, though.

I just want you all to know that through a very, VERY meandering conversation, we now have N and P arguing over whether octopi or alligators have the perfect body.  N: Sack! Tentacles! Beak! P: SCALES AND TEETH. N: I’m just saying that the number of problems you can cause as an alligator is kind of limited. All you can do is bite things.  P: That’s all you need!!!! We’ve declared the conversation a draw for now but they’ve promised (threat) to come back to it later

Also N is now looking at Giant Squid fanfic and keeps announcing things like “There’s a whole tag for ‘Dubious Consenticles’??” and “SQUIDITCH”

None of this is related to Supernatural but it IS very funny. 

1x14 - Nightmare 

Notes to self: “Sam’s visions, telekinetic abuse victim gets revenge”

N says, “This was just fucking intense, if I remember” and P says, “Yeah, it was scary.” 

N says they saw the guy’s death coming as soon as it was revealed it was him committing the murders.  Basically, Sam and Dean couldn’t have trusted a rehabilitation arc without being directly involved and the nature of the show is that they couldn’t have been directly involved.

We understand why the episode played out the way it did but we wish it handled it differently. We were all 1000% on the telekinetic victim’s side and fully supported him murdering his abusers. I remember when we were watching it, being, like, horrified by the things that happened to his dad and his uncle and then when we found out the truth about how they were abusing him we were like “Oh, yeah, warranted.” We do think the mother was probably abused too and that’s why she didn’t step in to stop anything. Still understandable that he can’t forgive her, though. 

My main thing I’d like to say about this one is that I love Sam connecting with the other people who’ve been affected by the yellow-eyed demon (in later episodes too) I would really, really love more of that tbh, I want him to form a network. I love how much he understands and relates to this kid, and how hard he tries to save him. 

I also love the part where seeing a vision of Dean in danger allows him to use telekinesis too. We’re in the middle of s2 now and we haven’t seen that again and it’s a shame!!! I want more of that!!!!

P says xer mad the show dropped Sam’s telekinesis stuff too. “In a later episode, Sam says he gets visions but other people get other things, and it’s like, ‘No! Buddy! You have more than that!’” N says it would be cool if they set it up so that Sam’s powers, in addition to getting visions about the other people like him, included being able to use their same powers when he’s near them. Like the episode later on where a guy can use mind control?? Instead of just being immune, wouldn’t it have been rad if Sam could do that too?? KILLER. 

1x15 - The Benders 

Notes to self: “THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME. Sam in a cage.”

P: OH YEAH, this was the one that wasn’t even like -- N: It was just people.  P: Yeah, it was just dudes being dudes. 

I very much enjoyed this episode. N agrees. I think P is distracted typing something on xer own computer. N says, “It wasn’t as fast paced as some of the other ones but it was fun.”

N: I have thoughts about the way they handled the cop killing the head of the family. I feel like he was already cartoonishly evil--to make him openly sneer in the cop’s face about her dead brother and hunting ppl as an in-the-moment justification for killing him seems... almost cowardly? he was an irredeemable human-hunter who raised an entire family to hunt ppl in the woods. that’s enough justification! i think viewers should get that. you don’t need to make him have a rude snarky one-liner to justify his death. commit to ‘some humans are Bad’ properly!  P: I have thoughts about the little girl. She was weird and creepy and I didn’t like it. I think my major issue with her was that she was a child, who was used as a twist to be the worst one of the family, which is so overdone. We get it, kids are creepy. And also, given that the rest of her family - her dad+uncles/brothers(??) and her grandpa/dad(??) - were murderers, implied cannibals, and general all around awful people, she’s more likely than not a victim of abuse. So I think portraying her as the worst of them all is callous at best, highly problematic at the worst. Get her therapy and away from the people that call themselves her family. Anyway, it boils down to that I think it’s overplayed, and I wish she had a happier path than “Oh, she’s so creepy!!!!”

I love N & P’s really interesting and coherent thoughts but I have to be completely honest that 90% of my thoughts about this episode were like “Mmmmmmm, Sam in a cage” and later “Mmmmmm, Dean tied to a chair.” The other 10% was me having emotions about Dean being desperate to find Sam. Don’t let that undercut the extent to which I loved the episode though. I really loved this episode. 

[freedom-of-fanfic]

Hello! I've noticed you've been reblogging a lot of stuff about "queer as a slur" lately, and I had a question. Is it okay for someone to be totally cool with queer as a word used by and for others, but uncomfortable with being called it on a personal level? I don't feel comfortable asking people to not call me queer because I'm scared they'll get angry at me for not wanting to personally reclaim the word. Thank you!

of course it’s okay to not want ‘queer’ applied to you while being okay with other people calling themselves ‘queer’. 

furthermore: you absolutely do not need the permission of queer people - me or anyone else - to feel that way.

there are people who no doubt get angry that not everyone who could ‘count’ as queer doesn’t want to be considered ‘queer’, because there are assholes in every community. but i’m going to say it outright, right now: they’re assholes. you don’t have to listen to them.

‘queer’ is an opt-in identity.

if you don’t identify as ‘queer’, you’re not queer. anyone who tells you otherwise is being a jerk.

I have heard of 1 (out of thousands) of queer-identified people trying to demand everyone who is non-cis &/or non-straight reclaim the word ‘queer’. that’s it. (seriously: i feel safe saying ‘probably like 97% of queer people won’t resent your choice or get angry at you over it.’)

where things get complicated is:

exclusionists/radfems(especially TERFs) using the ‘not everyone wants to reclaim the word ‘queer’’ argument to trample on those of us who do choose to reclaim ‘queer’ - constantly coming into our spaces to remind us that not everybody is reclaiming the word & therefore our reclaiming the word is somehow hurtful. 

that’s bigotry exploiting your position, anon - not your fault, but good to be aware of.

the resulting backlash from exclus & radfems exploiting the experiences of people who don’t reclaim the word ‘queer’ can create hostility towards people like you, anon. 

that hostility comes from people who assume you’re telling people like me that you don’t want to reclaim ‘queer’ for yourself specifically to spite me. which, of course, makes people like you you want to apologize and get permission to not reclaim ‘queer’ even more, which makes ppl resent your need for permission, etc etc. … it’s a negative feedback loop.

the tl;dr is: 

because you don’t need permission to not reclaim ‘queer’, you never need to tell people who do reclaim ‘queer’ that you’re not reclaiming it (unless they’re trying to force their reclamation on you).

you can just ignore posts reclaiming ‘queer’ if you want and know that literally 97% of queer people will not resent you for it.

there’s definitely a difference between queer people calling themselves queer and straight cis ppl (or exclus/radfems) calling them ‘qu**r’ or ‘the qu**rs’.

just because we’ve reclaimed the word ‘queer’ doesn’t mean we’re okay with people sneering it at us to hurt us, or using the word ‘queer’ as a noun (’qu**rs’) rather than an adjective (’queer community’).

when straight cis people refer to all of us as ‘the queer community’ on the news or whatever, that’s not fair to the part of Pride that identifies as queer or to the part that doesn’t. (I wish ‘MOGAI’ hadn’t been successfully disparaged by exclusionists for this reason.) 

we’re not all ‘queer’ (and we don’t have to be). that’s why ‘Q’ is a letter in the alphabet soup acronym version of our communal ‘name’.

finally: 

‘queer’ has a political & academic meaning beyond identifying as ‘queer’.  i.e.; to advocate for queerness is to advocate for putting a nonbinary lens on the world.

instead of assuming binary states - boy or girl, straight or gay, cis or trans, white or not, abled or disabled, nt or nd, etc - queer theory proposes looking at everything as existing on a spectrum, and people as having infinite existences on various spectrums. the goal is to see how that creates a more realistic - & therefore more effective - approach to real life problems.

when people talk about ‘queerness’ from an academic or political position, it often addresses problems that face the wider Pride community, whether they identify as ‘queer’ or not. however, because we use the same word for both the academic study & identity (’queer’), that can get confusing & hurtful to people who don’t identify as queer.

tl;dr: queer does have more than one form of applicability, which means that even if you don’t identify as queer you may encounter the word being applied to your experiences without intended malice. I don’t have any suggestions for rectifying that right now, but I hope it helps to know that in that context, it’s not intended to ‘other’ you. :(

–

thanks for giving me a good opportunity to address some of the issues that rise up for not-queer-identified members of Pride who get caught in the middle of this nasty exclu/radfem(TERF) ‘anti-queer’ attack & the resulting backlash. you don’t deserve to get slammed because of bigots who use your experiences as shields to hide their bigotry behind.

PS - added tags to clearly note this is an americentric take on the word ‘queer’! thank you @asynca for the note on that