#and i wanna put it out there bc i feel like other ppl must need it to

[slime-enby]

I want to say, not coming out because you don't want to put yourself in danger is okay, and also if you feel like you have to come out anyways because not doing so makes you feel like shit, you do not deserve what the world puts you through. If the way you act or dress causes the world to want to hurt you, that isn't your fault. You do not deserve this pain

[filmnoirsbian]

I have a question and lmk if its out of line or if you dont wanna answer it thats fine, but basically im a professional artist in the field of fine arts, and as such i have over time learned what makes art "good". I can like or not like it, but usually, im at least able to come up with a defendable opinion on why it is contextually bad art or good art, or rather, whether or not a given artist is 'good' at what they do. With poetry tho, while i (like everyone i think) journal recreationally, i really have trouble identifying whether either my own poems or other peoples are good. Like. This came to mind esp after your rupi kaur post, bc ur right, i dont like her, but i cannot for the life of me articulatw WHY i think its bad. Anyway tldr i guess how can you tell? What are some markers of good vs bad poetry ? (Especially technically speaking) i think these 2 things are similar bc with art too a lot of ppl will be like "ohhh its all relative" but like there are actual markers ofskill and well executed intent, and for fine arts i tend to know them (stuff like influence/filiation, taking into acct the viewers experience, intentionality of creative choices.....) but with poetry as a field i just like. Dont have that technical knowledge to talk about my feelings about a poem like i do with art ans i was wondering if u could help

This is a very complicated debate that has been ongoing since the birth of art and literature. I think it can be difficult for some people to allow that a piece of art (in this case, this includes poetry) can be technically well-crafted while not effecting them emotionally, and that a piece of art can effect them emotionally while being not technically well-crafted. A words app poem that you see which is filled with typos and accidental grammatical errors but which touches on a topic deeply important to you can make you cry while still needing work in its technical aspects, and that doesn't make it either good or bad as an objective work of art. Likewise, there are plenty of poems I've read which were deftly crafted by talented poets but were ultimately forgettable to me because they did not strike an emotional chord. Their lack of emotional resonance also does not make them good or bad. I think that because art has such a capacity for emotional resonance, it's easy to accept that as the most important criteria for what makes art "good," but I personally don't think that's fair. But to me, good poetry is honest--not autobiographical, but written with intent, some understanding of wordcraft as a medium, and meant to evoke a genuine understanding within the reader. Rupi Kaur is sort of a punching bag at this point, often from people who don't actually write poetry which I'll admit I find frustrating, because most criticism of her works is shallow and dependent on the idea that a poem must make you feel something to be good. That isn't a good basis for art criticism, because what makes you feel something is never guaranteed to make anyone else feel. But to me, what makes Kaur's poetry "bad" (not my preferred term, I'd describe it more as shallow or juvenile) is the lack of honesty. Her work is purposefully scrubbed of any distinction so it can be as widely applicable as possible, and in doing so, her poems become no more genuine or meaningful than the mass-printed fortunes in fortune cookies. And, worst of all, there is no technicality behind her wordcraft to make up for the lack of thematic complexity. Both style and substance are rendered as plain and inoffensive as possible. When an artist creates something, they are putting something of themselves into their work, so the art becomes a contract between the artist and audience. The artist is trusting the audience to genuinely engage with their work, and the audience is trusting that the artist has shared something genuine. Good or bad comes later; that it is something the artist created themselves with intent is the first step. But when art is made only with mass consumption in mind, it becomes stripped down to only the bare ingredients of art; it is art on paper, by definition, but it is not art by intent. It's a tree with no limbs, no leaves, no creatures making a home in it. It's not much better than a telephone pole.

When I judge a poem as good or bad, I look first for complexity, either in narrative or structure. This doesn't mean a poem must be a long-winded sonnet to be good; some of my favorite poems are haikus, and in fact haiku is my favorite poetic form. This is because often I find haikus carry multiple meanings, the poet packing in as much story as they can in such small luggage. Most of all, I just wish would-be critics would use their words; "Rupi Kaur's poetry is bad because it's boring" is not good criticism. Your definition of boring is not someone else's. "Rupi Kaur's poetry is rendered shallow and meaningless by the attention-consumption economy it was bred in and has no intelligent wordplay or articulation to constitute a poem that is at least engaging for the mind to read" is a bit more comprehensive.

[bunnwich]

coming in bc i heard the jingling of court jester bells - god forbid people use the block button and curate their experiences. oh no, it's such hard work hitting it, they simply *must* complain to the individual of their distaste. :( /sarcasm don't listen to them bestie. you're out here livin' your best life and creating content of your fave and that's beyond respectable and inspiring <3 lowkey envy your creative brain when it comes to that slut stinky cat man and all the love and effort you pour into your yumeship /aff keep it up, ilu and i'm cheering for you. \o/ and now i return to my cryptid cave and drown in ffxiv

Lu... 🥺

Yeahhh, and I mean I'm fine with ppl not liking me, I'm not the end all be all of anything. This experience and past ones just have frustrated me bc the solution to these ppl's gripes seems to always be just...block me. I do not do well with indirectness honestly. Did this person really think they were laying a ground breaking revolution on me and my personality? FGHJGHJ Like I was gonna go "You right, I do have an ego, sorry." Like homie, I do not know you and you don't know me??? DFGHJ Thank you though, I feel tbh ppl are so weird toward creators nowadays when they are the ones putting their stuff out there only for unhinged ppl to lurk, contribute nothing, and then be mad. It makes no sense to me. I'm beyond honored to know you guys like what I do bc there are times I still feel a little silly posting, but hearing from you guys makes me feel better and keep doing my thing with peace of mind, yk? As silly as it all is... I DO try to put as much authenticity and care into what I do with Leona in this fandom bc I know that other ppl enjoy the character same as me. I try my best to treat the canon respectfully and add disclaimers w/e needed. I make jokes but my word/HCs are not gospel!! (Unless you want them to be??/jk) But fr I don't wanna claim or ruin anything for anyone. I'm just projecting and playing with my dolls as same as anyone else on here and am just happy to share my thoughts and that we can all brainrot together. ILY TOO!!!

ANYWAYSSSSSSS✨✨✨✨✨THE SUNSET SAVANNA EVENT IS FINALLY COMING OUT AND I'VE GOT SO MANY IDEAS.

[rollercoasterwords]

idek if this is actually true but i saw ppl arguing abt the atyd james pov in a tiktok bc its apparently going to include jegulus which deviates from the original plot quite a bit. do you still think it should b called an atyd pov fic?? tbh i just think ppl are making a big deal out of nothing and anyone can write and take inspiration from anything yk?? but i do wanna know ur opinion on this

truly cannot emphasize enough how much i absolutely do not care what other people wanna write in their fics lmao

honestly i think ur right it's just people making a big deal out of nothing. if someone wants 2 imagine what jegulus would look like in an atyd universe then...that's fine. nobody has to read it if they don't want to. i certainly have no place 2 judge bc i included things in my own fic that were extrapolations and/or inventions that mkb likely would not have intended to/imagined including as part of her story. that's what fanfiction is tho! it is specifically someone else's take on a work that is separate + distinct from the og writer's, and nobody has to read it + treat is as gospel if they don't want to. like i honestly don't see the problem with someone writing a hyopthetical "atyd canon-compliant" fic that includes jegulus bc atyd itself is a "harry potter canon-compliant" fic that centers on wolfstar lmao. like do we see the irony there.

anyway i honestly just think that there's a portion of this fandom that is incapable of treating atyd like fanfiction and instead try to put it up on a pedestal in its own venerated category that treats it as if it is somehow simultaneously subject to much harsher + more public critique but also a piece of work that must be taken as gospel within the fandom which honestly just sucks for everyone imo. like people wouldn't care if someone's writing an atyd james pov including jegulus unless they feel entitled, in the first place, to certain representations of atyd fic that match what they view as the pure + untouchable "canon." but nobody is entitled to have a fic perfectly catered to their desires, even if it's an atyd fic! and if someone is deeply bothered and just needs to see their vision realized, then they can write their own fic and ignore the other ones.

[mysicklove]

hii i just kinda wanted to vent here if that’s okay,,

lately i had these suspicions that i might be asexual,, despite the fact that i yk read smut and i do enjoy it and all that but for some reason the idea of experiencing it doesn’t appeal to me,, in fact i might even say that “straight” sex (like penetration and like idk oral) with men specifically repulses me (tho other stuff like pegging for example don’t bother me as much), like more specifically the idea of being in one way or another submissive to a man infuriates me (no hate to anyone ofc that’s just an observation i made of myself personally) and idk i feel bad abt it for some reason cuz i feel left out but at the same time i just can’t bring myself to like it at all.. the idea of being with women doesn’t seem repulse me as much like i do like women and i don’t mind the idea of being with them but i feel like most attraction i feel towards ppl in general is almost always surface level (in real life) i think it’s called aesthetic attraction

this is all so confusing and idek what i’m getting at but yeah, like idk if i WANT to be ace cuz like i said i feel left out and i do enjoy consuming nsfw content, i’m a virgin so maybe it’s because of that (that i’m confused abt it) ? (am i gaslighting myself if i say that ?) also like idk if others would wanna be with someone who can’t provide in that category of the relationship ? (also another thing i don’t mind giving but i hate receiving ? which is another piece of lore (💀) i forgot to mention) like sex is sometimes used as a gateway for intimacy and i do crave that kind of connection with ppl,, i don’t wanna be left behind yk ?

anyWAYS that sounded like i’m listing symptoms so i can diagnosed sorry abt that but yeah i don’t really have anyone to talk to abt this so yea !

-🩰

i’m sorry lovely that must be really confusing for you. don’t ever feel the need to put label on yourself, bc that may just cause unnecessary stress. i honestly don’t have any advice 😰 but i am glad you felt comfortable sharing with me. you are always welcome to drop by my inbox, i will always listen. don’t overthink it!! don’t stress over it, although those r both easier said than done. i love u

[thinfatfit]

omg no i pretty much cut myself off from family too but when I was 23, i can't imagine bring an orphan obvious there must be so much pain there and it's very different. But I think even tiny things like I hung out with a friend and her mum bought her lunch. or like family giving leftovers. Having someone to drjve you somewhere. Being alone somewhere late at night and not having a 'last resort' for someone to call. Every doctors office asks for an emergency contact and I put down a friend I have i asked her and she let me luckily. But it still feels very tentative. Also having ppl who've known u since birth and feeling safe abd stable with them and having them know your quirks and yoru personality. Having little things in common and missing those moments together. Jesus like the stability of a job or having choices and options even in a small way. even having family connections that can help you even if its just a friend of a friend knowing someone at a place that's hiring. Or having someone older and experienced who will vouch for you. Having ppl who can help with moving who can even things like. Giving you old furniture or random stuff if ur like 'Damn I don't have x thibg.'and theyre likd 'Oh we have an old... sewing machibe/some old plates/an old wardrobe they can give you. Like... or even not having room for smth and veing able to leave it with them. Like u gotta be able to take care of everything you own. And not having anyone or anything to fall back on. It's terrifying. Even stuff like family history and information bc u wanna know what u were like as a kid. Or to get a diagnosis. Or some kids book or old thing u wanna remember. And u can't just go ask them. All of that memory and information is just. Gone or inaccessible to you. And it's really lonely. ❤❤❤

Yes I 100% with every single thing you said yes yes yes and we both know there are a million other things too. One thing I thought of reading this is not being able to have someone to co-sign a loan with you or sign as your guarantor if you want to rent an apartment and you don’t earn whatever they’re random minimum is (even though you earn enough to more than pay rent).

I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this. It sucks and it is super lonely agreed. And just like….. no one understands. And yes get triggered when my friends say or I see small things like they have food at their house from their mom. Also ya just constantly have to justify and explain why life is so hard without a family. Also people who have families but are like I’m pretty self sufficient and brag about how independent they are and I’m like you get all these perks you don’t realize. Lol one time this girl was saying that if her kids are eighteen when she dies she won’t leave them any money even if she has it because she was self sufficient at that age (she wasn’t lol). I hate all those people who are like you don’t need a family past 18 and I’m like tell me you have a family without telling me you have a family.

[katasstrophy]

let’s have a date night where we watch movies and drink hot choco while we laugh at rin and isagi being locked out of the house 🥹 i brought ginger bread cookies !

but omg river a concept just came to mind and i NEED to let it out or else i’ll go insane. tokyo drift! rin who’s the best drifter in all of tokyo and he’s just the typical intimidating guys who name can make anyone shiver and tremble— ppl think he has girls lined up for him, either the prettiest model or a known idol from a famous agency, but instead every time he comes home to you— he‘a feeling like the luckiest man in the world. no need for excessive glory when his car crosses the finishing line— no engine revving constantly in the midst of a full car garage. just you, quiet, content but absolutely brilliant you . you’re not a famous model or a talented idol — but a good girl who makes sure his schedule is right to a T ! (i’m going insane u can tell i read a lot of bad boy x smart girl tropes)

KAYLA MY MOST BELOVED<3333 sign. me. up!!!!! sounds like the most perfectest date night. movies, cookies, making fun of men - what more can a gal need?? 😌✨ you truly offer the entire package

no no bc i feel like at this point a coronation is in order :((( </333 i must crown you officially as the QUEEN OF AUS bc you truly never miss. you know i love me some smexy 2D men who can make a car go vroom vroom<33 but then really you’re the only thing that can make their heart go vroom vroom<333 (someone put me in JAIL i cannot believe i’m about to publish this, willingly, to the internet my creative writing teachers would skin me) BUT LIKE !!!! this goes to show 👀👀 kayla u think you’ll go insane?? i’ve lost any chance at sane thoughts since you dangled spidey! isagi in front of me like a tasty little carrot i wanna chomp on (both the carrot and isagi. but mostly isagi sksjshjdfkfk)

tokyo drift! rin 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 pls ur absolutely right bad boy x smart girl just hits the spot, tickles my funny bone delightfully as they say (LITERALLY WHO SAYS THAT) a classic for a reason. rin might come off as the cockiest bastard alive when he wipes the floor with every other drifter who dares to challenge him - but he’s just aware of his skills. and as someone who’s the best in his field, it’s only natural he deserves the best in return, so of course he’d pursue you <3 what’s fame and industry talent to your quiet resilience. to your remarkable cleverness. to your gentle yet limitless love and support.

yeah, rin knows he’s good. but it’s with you by his side when he’s the best <3

[sanchoyo]

arc v 15-22 thoughts!!

-i forgot to say it last post, but i really really love the first op! and the ost in general is rly rly good. going to be very sad when they change the op eventually (prob around the ep 25-35 mark im guessing?) -its so funny yuya doesnt wear his school uniform at all except kinda slinging the jacket over his shoulders. all the other male students have pants that match their jacket! but fuck it hes the protag, he can wear his cargos I guess! -tbh glad shingo pointed out its unfair only yuya has pendulum cards, lol. true. (the fact yuya is upset reiji had them was bullshit! u have protag privilege! u dont even know where the cards came from! be more concerned about that!)

-shingo in general is kinda a Silly Guy and I like him more each time we see him. kinda just wanna see him and yuzu interact more too…when she yelled at him. and he still came up to tell yuya to stop eating gross infront of a 'lady'…hes a feminist king! -LMAO STRONG ISHIMA QUIT TO GO TRAIN OVERSEAS AFTER LOSING TO A 14 YR OLD. feel so bad for that guy ngl hope he comes back at some point -ok how did i not notice the xyz course student at lds has a big dipper head piece/star theme….thats SUCH a funny detail in reference to zexal? pls. not going to remember this charas name bc masumi is clearly the leader of their lil pack but I love it -very cool yuzu gets her own rival (assuming masumi will be?) and training arc moment, but also, she should already KNOW fusion! her dad! is a duel teacher! -sora being lke 'is this allowed? is this allowed?' when helping yuzu..LMAO whos boots are u licking. be an ally to yuzu and HELP her if she wants it -yuzu having a magical accessory like all the main ygo charas!! tbh shes the main character. To Me -yuyas mom having a million pets is SO CUTE. finally a protag with pets. and who is a clown. relatable. tho i dont like him rushing his mom to make pancakes or being fussy abt breakfast!! ur 14 dude just make ur own pancakes if u want some!!! good god

-the lil gang of kids that follow yuya around i am trying sooo hard not to be annoyed by them but by god are they annoying me anyway -MICHIOOOOO IS SO CUTE. FRECKLES. ALSO HE KNOWS HOW TO COOK!!! i love seeing hobbies outside of dueling in ygo lol. also his fans being housewives is like, kind of uncomfortable? his cards are cute tho, love the food theme. truly character of all time (I can already tell we'll probably never see him again RIP i hate ygo for making me attached to minor charas) -god this is so fucked up. duelists on motorcycles and xyz duelists shouldnt be fighitng they should be kissing -sora eating breakfast lunch and dinner at yuyas is so funny. freeloader king. but why did he put chocolate on sardines. what the fuck! -aaaaah yuzu not wanting to learn fusion from her dad is bc she feels like a burden to his school and feels protective over it? god her plight to get stronger and her mystery bracelet stuff IS SO much more interesting than w/e yuya's 'i have to duel 5 ppl to get in a tournament to become a pro' stuff is! shes fr the protag in my heart! -oh My God theyre putting people In The Cards. yugi grampa moment! reiji is SO chill about it like 'oh huh. ppl got sealed into cards. well, cant fix it just yet. huh. anyway. lets start working on that I Guess.' LIKE DUDE. sweet that he seems to actually care but hes SO calm -reiji's moms snake shoes fuck severely -reiji defending yuyas honor to the congressman dude is so sweet. he doesnt really KNOW yuya isnt behind any of the attacks (but like, we Know he Isnt) -…yuya admitted hes bad at science and math! a ygo protag whos bad at math!!! the duel disks must do damage calculation automatically lol, thank god for that -'yuya doesnt even know merci!!!!' boy hes not about to know mercy in this duel shut up. why would he need to know random french phrases theyre in japan arent they -ok. the whole thing nico told yuya 'its your JOB to make ppl happy as a pro, you HAVE to go beyond expectations'…feels very apt to compare this to a parasocial celeb type relationship situation. ppl always expect him to be Happy and Entertain them (and to an extent hes always playing into it…) it rly feels like a bad extension of the 'laugh when u want to cry!' emotional suppression and masking and it feels BAD man. feels like its going nowhere good! -yuzu and soras friendship is growing on me SO Much im gonna be SO mad when hes outed as a snake -masumi and yuzu moment!!!! gay asf to have a rival!!!! but god yuzu rly is being the protag for ME. she has a bff (sora) and a rival!!! dude!!! yuya ya girl is stealing the show for me!!!

- im sick of these MEN KNOCKING HER OUT OF THE WAY (LITRALLY THIS TIME) AAAH!!!! BITCH GO AWAY I WANTED TO SEE THE GIRLS DUEL!!! (syun?? ute??? these have to be mispellings of their names right. i googled them and its shun and yuto. which. yu name. 3rd protag after yuzu and yuya. better to call them this than 'emo yuya' lol) -anyway shun got punched in the stomach by yuto and CRUMBLED like a wet paper bag and yuto tossed him over his shoulder LMAO. and sora challenges him of course. HEAVEN FORBID we let yuzu duel here. christ she almost got to duel!!! we were so close!!! her bracelet seems to be just teleporting xyz boy all over the place -mieru and cathy would be besties omg her vibes! spooky lil tarot girl! (also, to enter the same tournament as yuya I assume shes at least 12-13 despite looking like. 9-10…right…since the younger kids made the comment they couldnt enter bc of their age…so her crush on yuya isnt actually So Weird right…sighs at anime always making girls look weirdly young) -BUT MIERU FOR REAL USING YGO CARDS FOR TAROT READINGS IS OBJECTIVELY HILARIOUS JKDKJAHKJN OK GIRL!!! i want her to read my fortune or whatever like tell me what house my suns are in -'your future is wrapped in darkness' no shit hes a ygo protag! ofc he will go thru some shit! itll be fiiiine in the end tho girl im not worried. (she continues to hammer in the fact hes doomed and draws the tower for him LMAO)

[xythlia]

୨୧⋆｡˚ RULES

BEFORE YOU FOLLOW!!

this blog contains nsfw + dark content! you must be 18+ to interact with me. [but I don't check every single person that interacts w my works bc that just not sustainable im just assuming everyone is respecting general 18+ rules]

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INTERACTIONS!

feel free to send anons about anything even just to talk about each others days I luv interacting w everyone<3

do not spam my inbox pls if I haven't answered ur ask I'm either saving it bc it was sweet/cute or it's something I don't wanna entertain. emoji anons are welcome!

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everyone can & should curate their own experience on here so if you wanna break mutuals please just hard block.

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pls do not involve me in discourse, especially if it has absolutely nothing to do with me. I have no problem supporting friends if they're going thru something but public shit is extremely messy & often time gets blown out of proportion by everyone involved. Plus drama isn't something ppl follow my blog for so I'm not gonna be putting that all over peoples dashes

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WRITING!

this blog is multifandom so you'll see me write whatever i want usually although I mostly post for om, genshin, n one piece rn

I do take requests, you have to be patient tho bc this is a hobby not a job & I don't wanna end up hating something that brings me joy

with requests pls do not double dip requests, if someone has already written that specific thing for you I will not be doing it again. It feels rude to be reworking something someone else has already done

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I don't write mommy kink, ddlg, piss, scat, vore, feet, feederism, or bug chasing. that doesn't mean I'm against any of those things, im not shaming it's just not stuff I wanna write about. all other things I do write will be tagged accordingly tho

all the characters I write for are canon adults, I don't write for minors or age up minor characters.

thank yew 4 reading all this & respecting my boundaries!

[bysaber]

ummmm HIYAAAAA, is this SABER??? im jkkk , im so loving the new theme, im like vibing with it so hard you have no idea. the colours really compliment each other. im like so so so so sorry I haven't been in touch, I had so many ASSignments to do that my screen time became a mere hour and that was like catching up with my family. but lemme just say I just read/reread every single ficmas post today and mmmmh with a little cup of tea ( I kept going back for more bc your fics are so comfy to me) by my side it totally soothed me. and I just wanna say if anyones disappointed in you for dropping something that made you feel stressed and anxious , TRUST!!! , they can come fight me anytime of the day bc im DOWNNN. im so happy and honestly proud of the 15 days you accomplished because when I say that they were all beautifully written like , im NOT LYING and I could never, I have so many ideas in my head but honestly scared to even write a single paragraph and publish it bc I am my own biggest hater and critic. anyways I don't mean to put the spotlight on me but rather show you that im not just saying this for the sake of saying but I truly do mean it. Also Im not really accustomed to work without holiday since I haven't begun working yet but isn't Christmas like a worldwide holiday, and they still didn't give you a holiday???

also I just realised I never really introduced myself, i have like this thing where I never interact with my blog because it doesn't have much reblogs or works bc im like one of those kids who got introduced to the concept of the internet at like their late teen years so it took me a while to figure out how this app works or any app for that matter (yeah so like opposite of an iPad baby, we exist! ) so I think ppl might find me suspicious.. idk there's something wrong with the way I think haha.

but I totally would LOVVEEE to be mutuals with you, if you'd like the same.

this must be so much to read, sorry I went a lil overboard but yeah all in all, cant wait for all of your future upcoming pics which I know will blow my mind again and again and again. ( also I don't want this to seem like im putting pressure on you to release fics faster GOD NO, I just mean like I could wait an eternity if it means I could read your work!)

so wish you the ultimate best, saber, I hope everything is well in your life both personal and work and if not, I hope it all turns out to be fine and all in your favour. >>>>>3333

HIYAAA BOO <3

First of all, you don't need to apologize for disappearing! Life is a pain in the ass sometimes and we can't dive into our fantasy world (tumblr), I TOTALLY GET IT!!! But I hope everything worked out for you and that now you have time to enjoy some free time!!!

(more under the cut)

My old theme was getting on my NERVES, I wasn't satisfied (hehe) with it but I'm really happy with this one. And I brought the true Saber to life. I'm glad you liked it <3 it'll probably stick around.

IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY THAT MY FICS MAKE YOU FEEL THIS WAY!!!!!! It's enough to make me want to keep writing because knowing one person appreciates what I write already makes everything worth it. I would LOVE to know who you are and become mutuals, and it's fine if your blog isn't filled with things.

At some point, I also was a "ghost" tumblr user.

Like, for years.

I guess I've been here since the SuperWhoLock era but only started interacting in the past three years -- then decided to create a new account and start again. I've been reading/writing fanfic as far as I can remember, but that was in my mother language and I had to gather so much courage to try it in english. But I'm happy I did. And I would love to hear your ideas and maybe see what you can write <3 it's never too late.

I'm with a few fics ideas including a series and I'm really looking forward to write them all, I hope you like them when the time comes!! And don't worry, I don't feel pressured at all <3

About my work!!! Yes, the holidays are worldwide as far as I'm concerned but since my job has a flexible working hours and it's remote, it sounds good but I actually never stop working. I work with advertising and we spend money to upload ads and even for every time someone clicks in our ads, so I have to check the data from time to time to make sure the incoming compensates the money we're spending. If not, I have to take it down and change the campaign 100% it's maddening

Ok now I feel like I TALKED TOO MUCH!!! I'm sorry. But thank you for your message and all the love you always give me, I have no words for you but I really really appreciate it every time you pop in my inbox <3 and please if you feel comfortable let's be moots.

[elaichoi]

PLSDJJIDS I WAS THE OPPOSITE like i didnt wanna pay money but also like i had to have it to reach my fullest potential 👹👹👺

yes exactly i burnt out big time OTL cheers to being *less* mentally ill in the near future ^3^

that's totally understandable,, from the way i see it a majority of the asian population that goes by undiagnosed is v large,, and i'm not basing this off of any actual studies though i know there are some out there- but rather just the role culture (at least in most east asian cultures is as far as i'm qualified to speak for lol) plays in mental health makes diagnosis and treatment,, idk and just going by undiagnosed makes me sad that there are ppl who think this is the norm and that it's something you are expected to get over bc it's something "everyone goes thru" :( i very much relate on the front of gaslighting urself/being gaslit into thinking u just can't handle struggles that "everyone else manages to manage well" n that rlly sucks im sorry beb </3

DAMN LOL we r on the same boat on the same river 🥲 my little tiny snowball also started out w family problems and oh my god my mental health has come out of its hiding >o< i remember my counselor describing it as an unvented pressure cooker lmao

don't answer if you don't wanna, but do you still feel that way in the sense of repressing ur emotions? like refusing to acknowledge it ? i think i was like that for a small period of time but now im like the complete opposite which is like half miserable half not lmfaoo i will forever be the biggest advocate for anyone getting therapy even if u think u don't need it,,, but!! i also know its a big step and may not be accessible for some :<

no yeah cus i feel so gross and overwhelmed and like not in control of things and so ill start spiraling if i dont get up and take a shower ^_^

not throwing pity confetti in your face, just as someone who can relate at least in some ways, big kudos to u for having so much patience to put up w everything bc it must b very hard not to lose ur marbles all the time,,,, standing w u solider 🫡

OH TRUE I FORGOT AB THAT UGH BARF i remember ig always fucked up my video quality saur bad even after rendering n shit T_T

aaa goodluck bae<3 hehe yeah i always rlly want to after seeing so many pretty edits jdksdkf i might i might we shall see :>

STOPITNFSISD I WISH I COULD INSERT A REACTION PIC BC UR RIZZ GAME I HAVE NO WORDS HAHSDJJJ

mental health is such a fuck up like it's like a ticking bomb the way it can go off at any point of life and the urge to ghost everyone, im so ashamed fr

yeah like most of asian countries i feel like. in our culture mental health is seen as something that is seen interjected with "adulting" like when you grow up you're supposed to feel like this and it's your duty to like make peace with it and if you try to seek help for it your family members kinda take it like a failure like you couldnt even deal with this? there's just a whole lot of stigma surrounding it and on top of that, therapy not being that widely available in south asia is a huge problem.

bro pressure cooker, im glad to know you're actually very up front with your feelings now. it's always better than bottling them up, at least you don't feel like a stranger to yourself either, my issues make me feel like an imposter within myself like it's hard to distinguish between things that I feel like I'm making up and the other things that's fucking me up.

YOU ARE SO NICE I AM WITH YOU TOO MY SOLDIER ILY!!!!

lmao ngl I was like those scenario and concept editors right I would have continued to edit bc my edits were like THSIE most beautiful scenes in kpop mvs but I stopped bc the resolution was ASSS THAT TOO WHITE ASSS!!!!!

OMG i wonder how i rizzed u up 😩😩😩😩

[jonnnysuh]

Dating Renjun would include

Requested by anon: hi !! your dating series headcanons are very cute, could i please request one for renjun 🥺

A/N: I have the biggest soft spot for this man

Series Masterlist

*You can see Renjun in the corner bc you’re on FaceTime. He’s trying to listen to your story while doing something else. The texts are what led up to the impromptu call.*

Crushing Stages:

So I mentioned here that I think if Renjun has a crush on someone, he doesn’t look at them

He can like them A LOT, like literally dream about them

But his friends don’t even know he likes someone. He is just so lowkey about it and the possibility that you may like him too??? KINDA SCARY

I feel like he could be a potential enemies to lovers type person IRL

When you initiate the interest, internally Renjun is PANICKING,,, but he eventually gets all soft and comfortable in your presence???

Like the way he giggles at your jokes, or leans into you, or generally how happy he is to be around you (although he does try to maintain somewhat of a front)

That’s when you really know he’s down BAD bc he’s like this with no one but you

Dating:

He only lets so many ppl into his life like this so pls be careful with his trust

But the moment you get him to really open up, you become his favourite person

The rant sessions are the best

bc you two are just agreeing with each other about how everything sucks

he just gets you, you know?

Also bickering every 2 minutes

While he fights you, he would also fight anyone for you

Why is he ready to square up with u from the moment he wakes up

"You moved too much in your sleep last night" OK and what are u gonna do about it? NOTHING

He’s just so petty

Why are competitions ‘do or die’ for this man

Be ready to literally go head-to-head with him with anything

Also he either gets all shy or whiny when he wants affection from you

"Come here." "Why? Do you wanna cuddle or something?" "No..." "Okay then I'm not going there." *in a quiet voice and his arms reaching out* "Pleaseeee. Don't make me beg."

Very affectionate when it’s just you two

Not a fan of PDA

Like he won't admit it, but he likes to be BABIED

Can be sensitive from time to time

No doubt in his mind that he would defend your honour if someone talks shit

You are just an extension of him and NOBODY messes with what's his

When you do something embarrassing he’ll look away and pretend he doesn’t know you

Colouring book dates :-(( where you guys just sit across from each other and colour together :-(((

Also picnics in scenic places where you guys paint on canvas

Soooo pouty

He really truly does admire you

Gets mad if someone is noisy while you try to take a nap

and then he'll put a blanket on top of you and kiss your forehead :-(((

Doesn't answer your facetime calls the first time you call him, but will call you back like "🤨 what?"

Annoying him must be soooo fun, like you know exactly what ticks him off so you do it

With just one look you can tell when he's over something

Tries his actual best to be patient with you

Because he does have a soft spot

He will literally stay up with you if you need help with something

And try his absolute best to make time for you

And update you with new things so that you're not worried about him

Makes sure you're not stressing yourself out too much by bearing some of the load off your shoulders

His love language is saying "you're so annoyinggg" when you're actually being really cute LMAO

HE JUST CAN'T BRING HIMSELF TO ACTUALLY SAY YOU'RE CUTE AND THAT HE'S GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU DID FOR HIM BUT YOU KNOW HE’S SOOO SOFT FOR YOU

LIKE HE LOOKS AWAY SHYLY AND HE'S LOWKEY SMILING

IS EITHER 1 OR 100 WHEN EXPRESSING HIS FEELINGS

tries to cheer you up by singing to you

STUBBORN af

this song ALL THE TIME (nooo why did I actually search up ‘Renjun’s lil song’ on youtube djskkwosk)

Once you get past his "tough" exterior you know he's really just a grumpy baby that just wants to be loved by his favourite person

[uselessheretic]

Lmao "how dare you not make fanworks of this canon bland wholesome couple with no conflict between them and no major personal flaws, you must be ableist" or the other acussation which is that you hate bald men (??? These people are shipping Lucius and his dumb sideburns and Izzy who's also not what you'd call traditionally hot??? Why would they balk at bald????). Lucius/Pete is just boring for the popular fic tropes. Like I have yet to see one person say they dislike them in canon! But there's what's good and enjoyable to see on screen as a background pairing, and there's what's going to get its claws deep enough into the brains of people who do transformative fandom to compell them to write fic about it. These two do not provide the correct brainworms.

Izzy is sort of catnip for fanfic writers which I called as soon as the oooh daddy Thing happened. He's a mess and so are all of his possible relationships (also kinky on main without wanting to be kinky on main) but at the same time if you go the "if you touch him right he melts" or "if someone railed him he'd calm down" route it's also believable, bc he's a mess, so you dont have to commit to a 60K angst fest to fix his life or make it worse either. Fandom bicycle pathetic little meow meow.

It's also why so much Blackbonnet content is about their reunion when it's not pure fluff or a pwp, it's the closest bit of relationship drama that has to be resolved (even if you flatten them into uwu cinnamon roll non-pirates and thus ignore any other issues they'd need to work on to make their relationship not implode, you still have this fight to resolve! If you dont do that both of them have so much shit to work on to survive past the honeymoon phase and get better as people together that you do probably need like 70K of fic, maybe a series. This is why they're the central relationship in canon lol. Given the Steddyhands fic Ive read it seems to me to have hit bc if you put Izzy in that mix it's so volatile they HAVE to talk shit out they cant just ignore their problems for 48 chapters without Izzy leaving or dying of stress??)

Cant comment on how the actors being hot factors here bc im too ace to tell when none of them are like. Hollywood Hot/a model?? They're too normal people I could see on the street in real life to like. Rank.

it's just silly because this keeps popping up about the canon pairings as if izzy's going to steal their spot and it's like?? that is not a threat?? i'm trying to not be too heavy on ship hate or whatever but iont even like Lucius/Pete as a pair, but ik they're gonna stay canon and i hope they do bc lots of people enjoy them! but otherwise fandom's just a lil sandbox for me to play in and i wanna see izzy kiss ppl.

i think the "this is problematic" discourse is funny though because i think people are struggling to find a way to make it more woke when both ships are literally white m/m with not much else. you can't even argue a problematic age gap since izzy and pete's actors are only 4 years apart. (lucius confirmed for on a dilf hunt btw) so you just get stuck with "conventionally attractive" which i stg is discourse that only ever happens around white men. (tbf i think people are super out of pocket when they say a poc isn't conventionally attractive. like someone said taika was unconventionally attractive once and like dude. taika is hot in a very like traditionally handsome way??)

and then it's odd because i feel like it's like?? kinda an appropriation of the language used when talking about the racial biases people have against characters of color in fandom. it is an issue when character of color are sidelined or erased in favor of white characters. or sometimes people just? erase canon aspects of characters/pairings to make them flatter than they actually are. like people call jim/olu a fluffy low stress ship, but they're not? their meet cute is a murder and they have ups and downs with separations and communication issues. i do legit think if they were two skinny white cis men that people would be more on them with writing angst and other drama, but :/

either way that concept's being stretched too far where people keep talking about ships where izzy usually just replaces another white guy so what does it matter. even if people wanted the pair to breakup in canon and be replaced with izzy it like... doesn't matter? representation isn't being lost? who cares lol.

i think maybe people just need to work on their propaganda or smth tbh like i didn't find con oneil hot at first and im p sure i got brainwashed into being super into him by fandom. maybe people need to stop complaining about pete being bald and just start talking about wanting to slap him on his bald ass head while topping him and get the tumblr girlies in on the action

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

Babe, you owe us absolutely nothing. Like, you're so good at what you do, but it should be because you want to and it's fun and brings you joy. Tbh I'm just happy to see you on my dash at all. You make me smile

Aww 🥺 thank you bub, that's sweet of you to say 💕 i talk about some more personal issues below so im putting a read more

In all honesty this is more of a personal issue that i need to work through. Idk if it's anxiety or bc of past experiences but for a very long time I've felt a need to be "of service" to others whether that is helping someone with a task or making them smile and laugh. I have this nagging thought that i need to benefit ppl in order to "be worthy" of things (love, happiness, idk). So when ppl ask me when a fic will be finished or something like that, it feels like they expect my writing, and since im not putting out writing, im not meeting expectations and that's where my negative thoughts come in. If im not meeting expectations then i must not be good enough to meet those expectations and im disappointing ppl and they're upset and im a failure and so on and so forth. Now this isn't anyone's fault—im responsible for how i react to others, so there's no one to blame—but it does make writing harder to enjoy bc i feel the need to please others instead of focusing on what I want. Again, it's a personal issue, i don't want to talk about it anymore on here, but that's my basic explanation for why i feel the way i do. It's one of many things that i need to work through and i don't expect ppl to coddle me for my feelings, i have therapy next week so I'll bring it up then.

As for my writing, my plan for the future is to not announce fics unless im done with them. I don't wanna create expectations and then not meet them and go through this cycle all over again. I'll also be deleting asks inquiring when certain fics will bc out bc all they do is make me feel bad. I'm gonna continue to keep working on myself. Thank you again for your kind words, they were very nice to hear 💕

[dokyeomini]

how could i not ask about monsta x (if someone hasn't before), but also: everglow & victon 👀

[ if i stan ] monsta x (any attempt to deny my stan status would not hold up in court)

favorite member / bias line i've said this before but it's literally impossible to have one bias or even just a few there's one for every day of the week you know?????? (kihyun was my first bias tho and i sometimes it feels like he still is but every single one of them is bias wrecking me yk? like... relentlessly)

which member I’d fight (& why) minhyuk... bring it.. it wouldn't be a fistfight tho, we'd have many rounds of games (im not a gamer but i am very competitive), or smth else literally any stupid game and we'd be the last ones standing probably

favorite song(s) oh boy..... get ready i'm pm gonna spin the wheel on my mx best of playlist lmao: autobahn, gasoline, all i do, diamond heart, stuck, jealousy, my beast, u r, monsta truck, whispers in the dark, shine forever, in time, no reason, myself, lost in the dream (what a song......), fallin' (oh to experience that at a concert...), spotlight and livin' it up.... and more........ solos (i'll stick to just one per person): jooheon's king, wonho's stranger, i.m's burn

favorite thing about the group (pls i could literally write an essay 😭) sb described them as hella loud but down-to-earth at the same time and that sums them up perfectly. i have fun watching any content with them and they're the only group with whom i for real keep up with constantly (i mean i save videos to watch later usually and watch them when i'm having a bad day). it's hard to put into words what they mean to me bc it's been an immense comfort to watch their videos and listen to their music (i discovered them when i was stuck at home with my neck injury and in pain every day and also covid had just started.. fun times lmao). and idk how they keep making music that always feels fresh and new but still very very Them?? (also with three of the members writing more and more of the songs i think/hope there's little chance of their discography to become stale). their music is literally custom made for my brain it's like a drug i need to feel normal. and it's not like i *know* them but in general they do seem very..... down-to-earth and their banter doesn't seem artificial ever iykwim?? i think their relationship with the fans is very special and cheesy but actually rly cute mfdgdhfgkd. this is stuff that has stuck out to me bc i think it's not easy to pass my vibe check for celebrities lmao i do trust my gut bc im usually right irl. each of them is so special and has their own things going for them and i could write a paragraph for each f them but i won’t (please watch and admire my self-restraint) IN CONCLUSION: they're a chaotic comfort to me <3

something i’d like to see from them wonho back in mx some day or like a collab situation 🤡🤡🤡 other than that like a looong vacation or just keep doing whatever they want. i think it's incredibly impressive that they've put up so much stuff and i hope they're not overdoing it. i also think everything they’ve put out last year has been good and they’ve released a looot. i think they’ve been doing well lately and seem pretty happy with their situation in genral at this point (i mean after wonho leaving, i think they’ve all adjusted to it pretty well and wonho seems to have a blast working with the ppl he’s working with rn :’) so i’m relieved + they can all see each other just not talk about it to the fans which must still suck). tho i know they could really benefit from some rest man. even if they want to be constantly working i hope they know their fans would be here waiting for them once they take a break. also i rly would wanna see more title tracks by jooheon in the future bc gambler and rush hour are mwah chef's kiss

oh and i just realized there's two more groups haha i'll put hem under a cut

[ if i’m familiar ] victon

favorite member if I have one sejuuuuuuuunnnn (taurus brother and insane man)

favorite song(s) nostalgic night, what i said, chronograph, howling (i haven't dived deep into their discography)

why I don’t stan (yet) / if I want to literally just have my hands full with mx lmao. i do casually stan them tho i guess

question for veteran fans same as for any other ig: what are their most insane moments?

[ if i’m familiar ]

favorite member if I have one yiren but im rly not very familiar with them. i watched her diy vlog and i was like yeah that's my girl :)

favorite song(s) first, pirate, don't speak, la di da, dun dun (haven't listened to a lot of their songs)

why I don’t stan (yet) / if I want to want to and i've watched some of their recent content. but i'm again a casual stan

question for veteran fans copy+paste: what are their most insane moments?

[for-the-ninth]

Looking for beta readers!

Right now, my partner is really the only person who reads my fic. She is wonderful for the complimentary side of things, but doesn't have much to say in the way of crit or feedback. She also isn't familiar with the game at all, which on one hand is great because she doesn't have any loyalty to the canon and doesn't give af when I ignore it lmfao. But in addition to that, she wants the story to be a complete surprise because she's reading it for entertainment, so I can't discuss the plot with her at all and sometimes I need to make sure my continuity is good to go.

So, all of that being said, if you're interested in helping me with my work (yes, even if we're strangers!) take a peek under the cut.

Must be:

18+

Comfortable reading an occasional bit of smut (I'm happy to discuss details and establish boundaries regarding specific things you're willing/unwilling to work on)

Preferably mutuals (if we aren't yet, then we certainly can be!)

It's awesome if you're a writer too, but not required!

A genuine interest in my story and helping me improve it - this means that yes, you can absolutely bow out after the first chapter if you just don't like the way I write and I won't hold it against you! I don't want ppl reading and editing my work who don't like it, and we all have different tastes

Feedback I'm looking for:

Idc about typos unless it's like the third draft and I've somehow missed it

Continuity - does it make sense for x to happen after y?

Character Integrity - I'm not sure that's something Shielan would do in this situation/her motives aren't clear

Plot holes - hm the way this works in chapter 5 sounds different than how it happened in chapter 3, might wanna fix that

General sentence flow/clarity - what effect were you going for here? It isn't clear to me

What I'm NOT looking for:

Critiques on my voice or style of writing - I write the way I write and it won't be everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay!

Specific changes - "I think this sentence would sound so much better if you wrote it X way"

Critiques on my characters or the way I've written them - these are my babies and they are complex and multifaceted which means not everyone will like them or agree with their actions and that's fine bc it's a story and that's what happens in stories!

If you're interested or have questions feel free to leave a comment or DM me! I'd love for this to be a symbiotic relationship with other writers who want beta readers too. I know a lot of y'all are shy and so am I a lot of the time, but I'm putting myself out there so feel free to do the same. 😊