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softxsuki · 3 months ago

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FANFIC/FANART CONTEST (Money Prize)

!!!!BEFORE CONTINUING: For my U.S participants, please make sure you have Venmo or Cashapp. And for anyone outside the U.S make sure you have PayPal. That is the ONLY way I'll be able to send the prize money if you win, and I will NOT be using PayPal for an U.S winners (bc i need to pay a fee to send money with paypal and I'd rather not ).!!!!!

With that settled, hey! This is something I’ve been wanting to do for a while now, but every year has been a little tight for me with my own holiday spendings and student loans I have to pay back, but I wanted a chance to give back to you guys for all your support, and what better way than through a little contest?

I’ve been writing on tumblr since April 2021??? I’ve put out a lot of writing for you guys, despite my horrible writing schedule and terrible deadlines I never meet. I’ve loved every minute of it and have enjoyed talking to some of you ❤️

Perhaps you've been around for a long time, or you just followed me yesterday, ooooor maybe you're finding my blog through this post, if so, welcome! I write fanfics for anime and otome games (used to write for kpop as well, but I don't anymore). If that sounds like something you like, then you're in the right place!

What do you need to do to join?:

Write either a fanfic or draw fanart to enter and get the chance to win money :). It’s the holidays season, and while I can’t give out much, I want to give something. I’ll be picking 4 winners-- 2 for fanfics and 2 for fanart. First place winners for each will get $50 and second place winners will get $25.

How to Enter:

You must be following me

For U.S participants, you must have Cash app or Venmo, and if you live outside the U.S, you must have PayPal! (if you don't and you win, you won't be able to receive your prize money!)

Choose whether you want to write a fanfic or draw fanart (only pick one. And you can only submit once)

Tag me in your completed work and add the hashtag #hanscontest2024 along with any other hashtags you want to get your work out there (this is how I'll find your work if your tag gets lost in my notifications)

Add in your Cash app or Venmo ID to the bottom of your work (you can delete this once the contest is over if you want, just wanna make sure people who enter actually have one) Participants outside the U.S who will be using PayPal, I won't ask you to put your private info on here, but just please make sure you have one. And instead, just state which country you're from so I know you're an international participant! Thanks

Rules/Guidelines for Each Topic:

Fanfic Writers:

Your fics must be a minimum of 1k words, I don’t have a maximum, but I’d feel bad if you wrote a whole fic and didn’t win…but length doesn’t determine who wins, quality does!

You MUST pick a character from the list below. I’ve added fandoms and characters that I personally don’t write for as well, but enjoy (since I’ll be reading all of these, I’d like to read things for characters I like!)

Fem!Reader or Gn!Reader only please (Again, I’ll be spending time reading these and as a woman, I’d relate more to reader if I can relate to them. But if you have a male reader in mind, you can still enter, just write it gender neutral please!)

I am a SFW blog, but I’ll be accepting slightly NSFW submissions for this contest. Just please no straight up porn with no plot. I need plot to actually get into a story :(

Idea’s must be your own and must be new and written specifically for this contest! No plagiarizing, and no fics that you’ve already written and posted online or you’ll be disqualified

No non-con/rape, no incest, no poly, no character x character, no drugs (alcohol and smoking are fine, just no weed, no other drugs pls), no religion mocking, no racism, no hateful speech towards any group of ppl pls

Only one submission per person (I’ll be able to tell through writing style or if you make another account to join again and you’ll be disqualified)

That’s about it. As for grammar, I have a hard time reading things that don’t flow well or have grammar mistakes. SOOOO for my younger writers out there who don’t know some grammar rules, or maybe even my writers who don’t have English as a first language, or maybe even writers who’d like a proofreader, I’m willing to read through your drafts to correct any minor grammar mistakes. I won’t be helping with anything else, like how to progress your story, or plot holes or anything like that, only grammar. My editing help will not increase your chances of winning either or guarantee you to win.

For Fanart:

Like the writers, you must pick a character from the list below

Artwork can be physical or digital, just no AI artwork please, or you’ll be disqualified

Can be any medium; digital, drawing, painting, etc—just make sure it’s complete. Preferably some color would be great as well, unless you’ve chosen an artistic route to not use color

Just characters please, no readers. And no ships…you can choose several characters from the list and incorporate them into one piece, but just no romantic ship artwork plssss

Must be your own work and new! I’ll be reverse searching every image to make sure it doesn't already exist

Each image must have a little turtle in it somewhere in the artwork (just as an indicator that it’s really yours. Why turtles? Because I love them heh)

I’ll allow suggestive artwork, just please don’t send in anything explicit (you know what I mean)

Some more general rules:

Please make sure you’ve read and understand all the rules written. If you submit something that breaks one of these rules, you’ll be disqualified. So if you have any questions or need anything clarified, just ask me :)

If you’re a minor, please don’t send in NSFW content, I’ll disqualify you. Also I'm leaving this open to all ages, just know you won't be able to use the prize money or receive it if you don't have a bank account...so I guess that would be 16 and up? Idk what the age is to start your own bank acc lol

NO AI ART WORK OR WRITING ALLOWED. This is your chance to be creative and showcase you, in whichever way you decide

NO Stealing other people’s work…just don’t do it

Please don’t trauma dump on me, or beg me to choose you as the winner. I know there are people out there who would really need this money and who are struggling. I feel for you all, but I can’t afford to send everyone money. I can’t handle hearing how badly everyone needs this…my guilt won’t be able to handle it. I’ll disqualify you if you do, if many people do it, I’ll end the contest entirely. This is supposed to be fun with the added benefit of winning some money for yourself if you win

The creative freedom is yours! Write whatever you want to write about, make it unique, grab my attention. Draw/paint/create whatever you want with whatever ideas you have; whether it’s turning Bakugou into a boxer, or making Zoro a girl dad, the possibilities are endless. I want everyone to have fun with this!

Again, US participants must have cash app or Venmo and participants outside of the US must have PayPal! If you don’t then you won’t be able to receive the prize money if you win!

Deadline: December 22th @11:59pm

Please let me know if you have any questions about anything. Again, grammar editing can be requested. I’ll be going over only grammar. I won’t be giving you advice on how to write your story or how to advance your story/plot holes or things I don’t like. Only grammar! If you want to run your story idea or art idea by me first to make sure it’s acceptable, you can do that as well. I’ll be around :)

I was thinking over how to choose the winner. At first I was going to do a poll, but I realized it would be biased towards users who have more followers than others. So I will be choosing the winners myself. Looking at fine details and works that really speak to ME, hence why I’ve chosen specific characters.

Not sure how much attention this will get or how many people will enter, for all I know, only two people might enter and the money will go straight to them, or no one might enter…so this is a test trial. If no one joins, I shall delete and pretend like it never happened. But if it’s successful, then maybe I’ll make it a yearly thing! Giving back for the holidays :) <3

Good luck and hope you all have fun with this!

List of Characters to Choose From:

Honkai Star Rail: | Blade | Dan Heng | Jing Yuan |

Wuthering Waves: | Calcahoro | Jiyan |

Yona of the Dawn: | Hak | Jaeha | Shinah |

Attack On Titan: | Eren | Levi | Niccolo |

Naruto: | Itachi | Kakashi | Sasuke |

Mystic Messenger: | Jumin | Saeyoung |

Spy x Family: | Loid | Yuri |

Inuyasha: | Sesshomaru |

Snow White with the Red Hair: | Obi |

Good Luck <3

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caffeinatedattorney · 3 months ago

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Final thoughts! I'm going to talk about the aspects of the game bc I'm not thinking abt this anymore in a few days and I might as well since it's fresh in my mind. Also I didn't play it, I watched someone play it so I won't speak abt gameplay at all.

Harvey and Bruce are very much not okay. This batman is so angry and he's so desperate to save people. He's caught up in vengeance (defending Leslie and harvey) but clearly isn't sure what his modus operandi is just yet. That and he isn't seasoned so ppls deaths affect him and make him blame himself and hesitate. (when the inmate in black gate is pronounced dead.)

I was not expecting it to go hard on the trauma and abuse and how children act after said trauma, much less show it which was surprising! It is triggering but, depending how much you can handle, that makes it all the more engaging and heartbreaking.

I find it interesting how Bruce is the one prone to violence. He hits Harvey after Harvey says something from their fav show that triggers Bruce. I doubt ppl ever write Bruce being autistic but both Bruce and harvey come off to me as on the spectrum. With their fixation on justice, the fact they seem to be old enough to stop playing pretend but still do (though that could be just arrested development from trauma) and it seems to be their happy place as harvey is his loudest around Bruce and in the, what is it, rehabilitation center? Also they don't seem to have (m)any friends.

I remember this plot point from my own worst enemy and I like how it works here. I'm glad Leslie has a big role and connects everything together. (her telling Bruce off for making voices at her LMAO)

Harvey is more affected than Bruce is bc his trauma continues well into adulthood. He never left his fathers house, never stood up to him. I don't need him to articulate why but it feels so real and fitting and sad and I love it? It makes me feel things that he had a support system with Bruce and Leslie even if it seemingly wasn't enough.

I have a theory that the Rat King moniker is Harvey's self loathing coming to life and becoming his bigger-than-life mask. Bruce has the bat and harvey the rat. One soars through the skies and intimidates, the other burrows underground for safety and cohabitates to survive (and forms a cult)

Harvey's dissociation and the DID name drop ough. ("am I psychotic?!" ) I just felt bad. Dudes mental barriers are so high up he loses track of time (and probably feels like he's getting sucked underground). It hits hard that Bruce is one of the things that ground him despite the fear and disorientation. Wish we had seen Gilda tho. Unless they're meant to be separated?

And fuck, Harvey's voice. He's so meek and unsure the whole game. His little jokes ("this one was right outside my office. *pause* I'm fine by the way" ) . He gains strength when angry and when full of disdain (talking to matches) which is to be expected but goddamn that performance killed me. Leslie has to remind him to calm down ("be good" "be good" he repeats in an almost childish voice ) Too real. too good. He thinks of himself as weak until he's backed agaisnt the corner (when he was about to get shot he screams "Do it you coward!" )

Edit: I have this Hc of harvey putting a big front the way Bruce juggles batman and Bruce Wayne and the fact it's been validated makes me wanna go harder on it and harvey being autistic and the pressures and stress he must face. End edit.

Also interesting how they have Bruce and harvey call each other brother. Didn't want for it to come out too gay? I will say, it feels forced but I haven't sene anyone else mentioned bc its that inconsequential I guess.

I loved babs trying to help Bruce despite his attempts to push her away. ("I'm taking this crowbar" and he actually says "don't care!" ) also apparently when she leaves she turns a few times fuming and you can see it in detective mode lmao

Overall, better than I expected? I wasn't expecting harvey to be important at all. Hate the bait and switch and the fact it's a vr game bc I'll never get to try this lol. I'm glad they could expand on why Harvey and Bruce are how they are in the arkham universe.

#batman arkham shadow #batman arkham series #Batman #Arkham shadow #arkham shadow spoilers

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bunnwich · 7 months ago

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coming in bc i heard the jingling of court jester bells - god forbid people use the block button and curate their experiences. oh no, it's such hard work hitting it, they simply *must* complain to the individual of their distaste. :( /sarcasm don't listen to them bestie. you're out here livin' your best life and creating content of your fave and that's beyond respectable and inspiring <3 lowkey envy your creative brain when it comes to that slut stinky cat man and all the love and effort you pour into your yumeship /aff keep it up, ilu and i'm cheering for you. \o/ and now i return to my cryptid cave and drown in ffxiv

Lu... 🥺

Yeahhh, and I mean I'm fine with ppl not liking me, I'm not the end all be all of anything. This experience and past ones just have frustrated me bc the solution to these ppl's gripes seems to always be just...block me. I do not do well with indirectness honestly. Did this person really think they were laying a ground breaking revolution on me and my personality? FGHJGHJ Like I was gonna go "You right, I do have an ego, sorry." Like homie, I do not know you and you don't know me??? DFGHJ Thank you though, I feel tbh ppl are so weird toward creators nowadays when they are the ones putting their stuff out there only for unhinged ppl to lurk, contribute nothing, and then be mad. It makes no sense to me. I'm beyond honored to know you guys like what I do bc there are times I still feel a little silly posting, but hearing from you guys makes me feel better and keep doing my thing with peace of mind, yk? As silly as it all is... I DO try to put as much authenticity and care into what I do with Leona in this fandom bc I know that other ppl enjoy the character same as me. I try my best to treat the canon respectfully and add disclaimers w/e needed. I make jokes but my word/HCs are not gospel!! (Unless you want them to be??/jk) But fr I don't wanna claim or ruin anything for anyone. I'm just projecting and playing with my dolls as same as anyone else on here and am just happy to share my thoughts and that we can all brainrot together. ILY TOO!!!

ANYWAYSSSSSSS✨✨✨✨✨THE SUNSET SAVANNA EVENT IS FINALLY COMING OUT AND I'VE GOT SO MANY IDEAS.

#leona kingscholar #ask #LUCYYYYY

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rollercoasterwords · 2 years ago

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idek if this is actually true but i saw ppl arguing abt the atyd james pov in a tiktok bc its apparently going to include jegulus which deviates from the original plot quite a bit. do you still think it should b called an atyd pov fic?? tbh i just think ppl are making a big deal out of nothing and anyone can write and take inspiration from anything yk?? but i do wanna know ur opinion on this

truly cannot emphasize enough how much i absolutely do not care what other people wanna write in their fics lmao

honestly i think ur right it's just people making a big deal out of nothing. if someone wants 2 imagine what jegulus would look like in an atyd universe then...that's fine. nobody has to read it if they don't want to. i certainly have no place 2 judge bc i included things in my own fic that were extrapolations and/or inventions that mkb likely would not have intended to/imagined including as part of her story. that's what fanfiction is tho! it is specifically someone else's take on a work that is separate + distinct from the og writer's, and nobody has to read it + treat is as gospel if they don't want to. like i honestly don't see the problem with someone writing a hyopthetical "atyd canon-compliant" fic that includes jegulus bc atyd itself is a "harry potter canon-compliant" fic that centers on wolfstar lmao. like do we see the irony there.

anyway i honestly just think that there's a portion of this fandom that is incapable of treating atyd like fanfiction and instead try to put it up on a pedestal in its own venerated category that treats it as if it is somehow simultaneously subject to much harsher + more public critique but also a piece of work that must be taken as gospel within the fandom which honestly just sucks for everyone imo. like people wouldn't care if someone's writing an atyd james pov including jegulus unless they feel entitled, in the first place, to certain representations of atyd fic that match what they view as the pure + untouchable "canon." but nobody is entitled to have a fic perfectly catered to their desires, even if it's an atyd fic! and if someone is deeply bothered and just needs to see their vision realized, then they can write their own fic and ignore the other ones.

#like....there are plenty of hcs + tropes etc that i personally dislike #and sure i'll complain about things on this blog sometimes or more often in gcs/dms #but i'm never gonna take the stance that people can't or shouldn't write whatever they want #bc....hello. it's fanfiction. who gives a shit #also i am not here to be a cop lmao like why would i wanna go around policing what other people call their fics #anyway i just try to avoid atyd-related fandom stuff wholesale these days it's too annoying atp to see people's takes #i understand that its popularity is unprecedented but it is still just. a fanfiction. why would we treat it like it's not #ask

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mysicklove · 1 year ago

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hii i just kinda wanted to vent here if that’s okay,,

lately i had these suspicions that i might be asexual,, despite the fact that i yk read smut and i do enjoy it and all that but for some reason the idea of experiencing it doesn’t appeal to me,, in fact i might even say that “straight” sex (like penetration and like idk oral) with men specifically repulses me (tho other stuff like pegging for example don’t bother me as much), like more specifically the idea of being in one way or another submissive to a man infuriates me (no hate to anyone ofc that’s just an observation i made of myself personally) and idk i feel bad abt it for some reason cuz i feel left out but at the same time i just can’t bring myself to like it at all.. the idea of being with women doesn’t seem repulse me as much like i do like women and i don’t mind the idea of being with them but i feel like most attraction i feel towards ppl in general is almost always surface level (in real life) i think it’s called aesthetic attraction

this is all so confusing and idek what i’m getting at but yeah, like idk if i WANT to be ace cuz like i said i feel left out and i do enjoy consuming nsfw content, i’m a virgin so maybe it’s because of that (that i’m confused abt it) ? (am i gaslighting myself if i say that ?) also like idk if others would wanna be with someone who can’t provide in that category of the relationship ? (also another thing i don’t mind giving but i hate receiving ? which is another piece of lore (💀) i forgot to mention) like sex is sometimes used as a gateway for intimacy and i do crave that kind of connection with ppl,, i don’t wanna be left behind yk ?

anyWAYS that sounded like i’m listing symptoms so i can diagnosed sorry abt that but yeah i don’t really have anyone to talk to abt this so yea !

-🩰

i’m sorry lovely that must be really confusing for you. don’t ever feel the need to put label on yourself, bc that may just cause unnecessary stress. i honestly don’t have any advice 😰 but i am glad you felt comfortable sharing with me. you are always welcome to drop by my inbox, i will always listen. don’t overthink it!! don’t stress over it, although those r both easier said than done. i love u

#💌 - love letters #🩰 darling

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ultrvmonogamy · 1 year ago

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if you really were in your 40s you seriously need to update your bio to 21+ and not 18+. especially with the themes on your blog it can come off as creepy and pedo ish

bestie i'm a bit confused by this message, n i feel like there's a lot to unpack here for what's essentially a single sentence.

first of all, there's the fact that the text is red, which i suppose is meant to indicate that this is a warning of sorts or that i'm in error somehow like if my attempt at creating a password didn't include the correct combination of length n special characters or wtv. this was strange to see upon opening my inbox, n it strikes me as a bit aggressive/reprimanding in a manner that does not lead me to feel that ur offering counsel in good faith.

second, it seems ur insinuating that i'm lying abt my age, which to my mind establishes a dynamic of distrust, and for what reason i do not know.

third, u proceed to dictate what i seriously need to do if perchance i'm not lying abt my age. that's p fucking weird n rude n presumptuously authoritarian, and i have to wonder if u could possibly have believed that i'd be receptive to such an approach. i mean, u mention my blog's content, so u must have at least some cursory awareness of my general attitude, no? or maybe as my anonymous overlord who also happens to be the supreme arbiter of social dynamics, such trivial matters as actually communicating w the person ur admonishing is of little import. or perhaps ur just appallingly bad at human interaction, in which case i won't hold it against u as long as ur willing to reflect on that n make some changes including but not limited to staying in ur lane.

fourth, putting 18+ (and, u know, MDNI in multiple places) is creepy n pedo-ish? but also somehow changing that to 21+ would alleviate ur concerns? to my mind, this is so misguided on so many levels that i truly do not know where to begin, but hey i'll give it a try anyway..

let's pretend that u didn't just errantly apply to adults a term that is reserved by its very definition for atrocious acts n desires towards prepubescent children. furthermore, let's pretend u didn't just come to my inbox n associate that term w me. actually, i'd better backtrack n ask u to pause for a moment bc ur probably still thinking abt the fact that i made that distinction n r likely now running some dialogue in ur mind abt how fucking gross i am for even calling out the semantics. ofc i could be wrong abt what ur thinking, but if u do find urself thinking along those lines, then i'm going to take this opportunity to tell u that u seriously need to talk to adult survivors of prepubescent sexual abuse and explain to them why u feel their experience is categorically the same as that of an adult choosing to have sex w someone u personally deem inappropriately older, n then convince them that it's fair to erase the distinction as it pertains to their own experiences.

where was i?

okay, so now let's pretend age gap sex is intrinsically pathological until the younger partner reaches 21 n so therefore 18+ vs 21+ categorically changes the dynamics: even then what exactly is ur premise here? do u think that my intent is to fuck anyone n everyone who looks at my blog? or that i even just want to fuck anyone n everyone who looks at my blog? r u the kind of person who sees someone's horny post n then dms them inappropriately as tho it was written to u personally? literally what the fuck? if a profile on a hookup app is asking for 18+, u'd have grounds to believe the user is seeking sex w ppl at least 18 yrs old, but this is not a hookup app; it's a microblogging platform ffs. like, there is no shortage of blogs that i follow here for art, science, fandoms, cats, moths, religious iconography, knives, symbology, gore, spirituality, etc. do u think i wanna fuck all those bloggers too, or only if they happen to follow this blog as opposed to one of my others? if that's how ur mind works, i'd suggest u put 200+ in ur bio bc i personally do not think adults of any age should have to suffer exposure to u, but even so i do think that adults who would choose to do so have every right to do so (assuming ur not posting the kinds of things ur ostensibly condemning in ur message to me, in which case they would not have the right). now wrt 18+ being an issue: do u think i should be protecting adults from kink or from my sense of humor or what? do u not believe adults should be allowed agency until age 21? or is that just wrt looking at tumblr blogs? maybe just mine? or just blogs run by bloggers 40 n over? was 18+ okay w u when i was 39? 35? 30? 29? do u have some kind of table w a range of adult ages on one axis n various activities on the other? maybe w green checkmarks or red exes at the intersections? is it a case by case basis? is there some kind of puritanical mental gymnastics to be performed so that an integer value pops out from the ether? r u gonna share the formula?

am i completely missing smth here? is there some key information abt the age of 21* that i'm not privy to? srsly, bc if there is such a thing then i'm wholly unaware of it but would v much like to be made aware, and i earnestly invite u to provide me w the relevant information.

if u take nothing else from my response, plz stop misusing that term bc by doing so u r erasing not simply the scale but rather the profound developmental damage of an atrocity that does not track proportionately w age. and to anyone who would choose to do that willfully n knowingly just for the sake of rhetorical impact, i say fuck u bc ur a piece of shit.

if u actually want to have a conversation in good faith, talk to me off anon. just don't fucking coming back here associating those kinds of labels w me, n don't presume to tell me (like some kind of fascist) what i need to do, especially not while invalidating the lived experiences of those who've suffered in one of the worst ways imaginable.

*as i sit here thinking abt it, i actually would not be surprised if 18 yr olds on avg r less inclined to make bad decisions than 21 yr olds on average, but i'd need to see a whole lot of data that most definitely does not exist in any reliable representative form.

bleh.

#mail #anon #i hate it here #oc

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waspyards · 10 days ago

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woaw hello. been a while since I was on this hii. see the thing is I no longer feel like ripping my hair out of my skull one by one & setting it on fire. so I feel less need to be posting on tumblr. but I kinda missed putting all my little updates on here. and also seeing everybody else's little updates. okay so!

work is so much better so soooooo much better like holy shit. it's crazy to think back on it now I'm so glad I made the admittedly very impulsive decision to do this. also I have to admit this even tho it feels like some kinda weird traitor thing but I do like it. like I'm enjoying work <- can't believe I've become this kind of person. this might change when iv progressed enough that I'm actually training the PhD students on how to do things myself (scary) instead of watching my colleagues do it but for now it's so nice. I don't even mind having to be all covered up in a cleanroom suit

having said that the drop in salary is very noticeable like I'm fine I just need to budget tight. but I'm kinda depending on prices not spiking too high at like any point bc otherwise I don't rlly know what I'd do. other than maybe hope I can find someone to share some other flat with to help mitigate bills a little which is :/

I found a venezuelan food place here :D it's quite small & obvs it'll never taste quite right just bc of the ingredients available & whatnot but it's soooo nice to have a place where I can just pop in & have some things like chicha y empanadas etc

meeting ppl is going slowly but it's kinda happening I just need to get out more. which I've been bad abt bc it's winter & it's cold & windy & rainy & dark out & most days when I leave work I just wanna get under a blanket. but we must persevere (<- saying this while still being undecided about whether or not to attend a potluck tomorrow bc what if I'm rlly tired tomorrow 😕)

I still haven't finished getting rid of the boxes & shit from moving 😐 ummm whatever (I'm being lazyyyy)

I miss my doggggggg I miss him soooo much my little perfect guy 🥲 when I visit he gets angry at me when I leave again & refuses to let me pet him before I go it's funny but also :(

#🫐

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lycheecreature · 2 months ago

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hrhnghgggg vent 👎 don't read this unless ur ready for giant block of whining. tldr:

I literally feel soooo guilty complaining abt this esp cause I've def done it already in different terms but it's been boiling for so long idk I need to like :/ break it down a little I guess. same shit different day etc etc

I feel like its really fucking with me that as I make larger steps to actually,,, have coherent story content I keep getting excited to share stuff and then I end up super disappointed and fucking embarrassed when it totally flops 💀 esp when I was gonna try and share more of my writing and?? I know I'm not entitled to anyone's time or interest but even friends never got back to me on it and it's like,, yeah realistically I didn't expect everyone to give detailed feedback or even read it necessarily bc yeah ppl are busy I get it and i dont wanna blame anyone,, it's just the fact that I struck out every. single. time!?? Couldnt even get a single one? Even if it was negative feedback, at least I'd have some idea of what I might need to work on.

Now I'm even more self concious about sharing it than I was before, and I don't even know what it is that I'm embarrassed about other than a nebulous sense of "bro nobody cares." And yea i probably *should* try to promote it more! Except now i feel awkward and shameful and concieted for it! But again I don't want to guilt anyone bc its not like,, the fault of any specific person. On an individual level I get stuff slips by and ppl have plenty of their own shit going on, I've def done the same. Plus, if someone was gonna read my stuff, I'd want it to be bc they wanted to and not bc I heckled them into it yknow :/ just makes me sad

Then of course I get super fucking jealous of everyone else who does actually does get praise and attention which also makes me feel like a horrible person. I know part of it is just that I don't have the best social skills (to put it lightly) but mannn. The more this happens to me over and over again the less motivated I feel to try and start conversations. I'm getting real weird and paranoid over it, and it's getting worse the longer I don't talk about it while simultaneously reaffirming my belief that there is no one for me to talk to. Regardless of if that's even fucking true. And because I am Too Sad, I hardly even have the energy to hold a normal fucking conversation.

Idk, I felt like I had a similar dumb angst during artfight. And artfight wasn't even bad for me, esp compared to like the first year i did it when hardly anyone I attacked even acknowledged that I'd done so 🫠 ofc this is 100% *not* the fault of the ppl I attacked!! I had fun interacting w everyone and seeing their stuff! But I was kinda sad that I initiated everything except for an attack from one random person who doesn't follow me. Its like,, I absolutely do not ever expect to be first on anyone's list, but damn I was hoping I could at least be like... eighth or something??( <- petty ass baby complaint. )

Literally the only conclusion I can come to is that I need to train myself better to Never Expect Anything. I'm actually so terrified that I must obviously be an entitled egocentric asshole for getting crazy over this. God. Idk my real life is already very pathetic and lonely rn and I am constantly deeply ashamed of myself for not being better. Can't even blame The Autism for this shit bc apparently so many of the people who are actually able to foster communities also have The Autism. It's literally just a Me problem.

To be clear, I still very much enjoy making things and my little story and I'd be making the things regardless of if I posted them or not so I might as well try to share them. And I'm wellllll past expecting to ever be majorly successful as an artist or anything. Everything's just been making me feel bad lately. Been writing a bit again and I'm glad for that, but then whenever I'm getting too excited about it I have to stop myself and be like "hey man don't get your hopes up. no one's gonna be that into it." I have to remind myself like yeah I knowww it's not marketable it doesn't have everyone's favorite tropes and character archetypes. Even if *i* constantly seek out unusual content I am definitely *not* representative of the general media consuming populace or the art community or the oc community. And i will not fucking change anything just to be more palatable for Consumers. Just wish I wasn't soooo lonelyyyyyyy. Or that I could at least get an idea of what I'm missing here.

Uhhh on the off chance you did read this whole thing PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT FEEL BAD OR GUILTY FOR ANYTHING ABOUT ME I am very mentally ill. idk maybe its the daylight savings. sad ant with bindle dot jpeg.

#important frogcast #vent tw//#if were fucking lucky now that ive written this essay length rant i will never ever talk about this again. i hope.

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saberlibrary · 1 year ago

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ummmm HIYAAAAA, is this SABER??? im jkkk , im so loving the new theme, im like vibing with it so hard you have no idea. the colours really compliment each other. im like so so so so sorry I haven't been in touch, I had so many ASSignments to do that my screen time became a mere hour and that was like catching up with my family. but lemme just say I just read/reread every single ficmas post today and mmmmh with a little cup of tea ( I kept going back for more bc your fics are so comfy to me) by my side it totally soothed me. and I just wanna say if anyones disappointed in you for dropping something that made you feel stressed and anxious , TRUST!!! , they can come fight me anytime of the day bc im DOWNNN. im so happy and honestly proud of the 15 days you accomplished because when I say that they were all beautifully written like , im NOT LYING and I could never, I have so many ideas in my head but honestly scared to even write a single paragraph and publish it bc I am my own biggest hater and critic. anyways I don't mean to put the spotlight on me but rather show you that im not just saying this for the sake of saying but I truly do mean it. Also Im not really accustomed to work without holiday since I haven't begun working yet but isn't Christmas like a worldwide holiday, and they still didn't give you a holiday???

also I just realised I never really introduced myself, i have like this thing where I never interact with my blog because it doesn't have much reblogs or works bc im like one of those kids who got introduced to the concept of the internet at like their late teen years so it took me a while to figure out how this app works or any app for that matter (yeah so like opposite of an iPad baby, we exist! ) so I think ppl might find me suspicious.. idk there's something wrong with the way I think haha.

but I totally would LOVVEEE to be mutuals with you, if you'd like the same.

this must be so much to read, sorry I went a lil overboard but yeah all in all, cant wait for all of your future upcoming pics which I know will blow my mind again and again and again. ( also I don't want this to seem like im putting pressure on you to release fics faster GOD NO, I just mean like I could wait an eternity if it means I could read your work!)

so wish you the ultimate best, saber, I hope everything is well in your life both personal and work and if not, I hope it all turns out to be fine and all in your favour. >>>>>3333

HIYAAA BOO <3

First of all, you don't need to apologize for disappearing! Life is a pain in the ass sometimes and we can't dive into our fantasy world (tumblr), I TOTALLY GET IT!!! But I hope everything worked out for you and that now you have time to enjoy some free time!!!

(more under the cut)

My old theme was getting on my NERVES, I wasn't satisfied (hehe) with it but I'm really happy with this one. And I brought the true Saber to life. I'm glad you liked it <3 it'll probably stick around.

IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY THAT MY FICS MAKE YOU FEEL THIS WAY!!!!!! It's enough to make me want to keep writing because knowing one person appreciates what I write already makes everything worth it. I would LOVE to know who you are and become mutuals, and it's fine if your blog isn't filled with things.

At some point, I also was a "ghost" tumblr user.

Like, for years.

I guess I've been here since the SuperWhoLock era but only started interacting in the past three years -- then decided to create a new account and start again. I've been reading/writing fanfic as far as I can remember, but that was in my mother language and I had to gather so much courage to try it in english. But I'm happy I did. And I would love to hear your ideas and maybe see what you can write <3 it's never too late.

I'm with a few fics ideas including a series and I'm really looking forward to write them all, I hope you like them when the time comes!! And don't worry, I don't feel pressured at all <3

About my work!!! Yes, the holidays are worldwide as far as I'm concerned but since my job has a flexible working hours and it's remote, it sounds good but I actually never stop working. I work with advertising and we spend money to upload ads and even for every time someone clicks in our ads, so I have to check the data from time to time to make sure the incoming compensates the money we're spending. If not, I have to take it down and change the campaign 100% it's maddening

Ok now I feel like I TALKED TOO MUCH!!! I'm sorry. But thank you for your message and all the love you always give me, I have no words for you but I really really appreciate it every time you pop in my inbox <3 and please if you feel comfortable let's be moots.

#askaway #anon

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elaichoi · 1 year ago

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PLSDJJIDS I WAS THE OPPOSITE like i didnt wanna pay money but also like i had to have it to reach my fullest potential 👹👹👺

yes exactly i burnt out big time OTL cheers to being *less* mentally ill in the near future ^3^

that's totally understandable,, from the way i see it a majority of the asian population that goes by undiagnosed is v large,, and i'm not basing this off of any actual studies though i know there are some out there- but rather just the role culture (at least in most east asian cultures is as far as i'm qualified to speak for lol) plays in mental health makes diagnosis and treatment,, idk and just going by undiagnosed makes me sad that there are ppl who think this is the norm and that it's something you are expected to get over bc it's something "everyone goes thru" :( i very much relate on the front of gaslighting urself/being gaslit into thinking u just can't handle struggles that "everyone else manages to manage well" n that rlly sucks im sorry beb </3

DAMN LOL we r on the same boat on the same river 🥲 my little tiny snowball also started out w family problems and oh my god my mental health has come out of its hiding >o< i remember my counselor describing it as an unvented pressure cooker lmao

don't answer if you don't wanna, but do you still feel that way in the sense of repressing ur emotions? like refusing to acknowledge it ? i think i was like that for a small period of time but now im like the complete opposite which is like half miserable half not lmfaoo i will forever be the biggest advocate for anyone getting therapy even if u think u don't need it,,, but!! i also know its a big step and may not be accessible for some :<

no yeah cus i feel so gross and overwhelmed and like not in control of things and so ill start spiraling if i dont get up and take a shower ^_^

not throwing pity confetti in your face, just as someone who can relate at least in some ways, big kudos to u for having so much patience to put up w everything bc it must b very hard not to lose ur marbles all the time,,,, standing w u solider 🫡

OH TRUE I FORGOT AB THAT UGH BARF i remember ig always fucked up my video quality saur bad even after rendering n shit T_T

aaa goodluck bae<3 hehe yeah i always rlly want to after seeing so many pretty edits jdksdkf i might i might we shall see :>

STOPITNFSISD I WISH I COULD INSERT A REACTION PIC BC UR RIZZ GAME I HAVE NO WORDS HAHSDJJJ

mental health is such a fuck up like it's like a ticking bomb the way it can go off at any point of life and the urge to ghost everyone, im so ashamed fr

yeah like most of asian countries i feel like. in our culture mental health is seen as something that is seen interjected with "adulting" like when you grow up you're supposed to feel like this and it's your duty to like make peace with it and if you try to seek help for it your family members kinda take it like a failure like you couldnt even deal with this? there's just a whole lot of stigma surrounding it and on top of that, therapy not being that widely available in south asia is a huge problem.

bro pressure cooker, im glad to know you're actually very up front with your feelings now. it's always better than bottling them up, at least you don't feel like a stranger to yourself either, my issues make me feel like an imposter within myself like it's hard to distinguish between things that I feel like I'm making up and the other things that's fucking me up.

YOU ARE SO NICE I AM WITH YOU TOO MY SOLDIER ILY!!!!

lmao ngl I was like those scenario and concept editors right I would have continued to edit bc my edits were like THSIE most beautiful scenes in kpop mvs but I stopped bc the resolution was ASSS THAT TOO WHITE ASSS!!!!!

OMG i wonder how i rizzed u up 😩😩😩😩

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mischief-night-ghost · 9 months ago

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(plz read to the end bc my thought process is strange. Try not to take things out of context, I try my best to be clear)

I also feel this way. I simply just wanna understand. But within social circles, saying something like "I'm a trans guy, but a lesbian" doesn't make sense to me.. as a trans guy.

It is one of those moments where it must be realized that if you purposefully contradict a label that was put in place to make things LESS confusing for people who already didn't understand it, then you are taking away that understandability, which then follows with the group as a whole being disrespected and dehumanized.

I never want to invalidate experiences, ever. Never something I wanna do, but I have been told that because I say, "well, you saying you're a lesbian, but not in any form identifying yourself as a woman/femme aligned, does not make sense in the context that the words is to be used."... That I have internalized homophobia and transphobia...

But.. I don't.. I, personally, describe myself as a gay-demisexual man, specifically because if I had to pick one, I am the most attracted to other men. HOWEVER, I always make a note that if I fall in love with someone in general, their gender identity isn't going to inhibit that from me.

That being said... I simply just need this trend to be explained to me in baby words because im tired of asking for clarification, because I wanna learn more about it, but then just get a big "you're a bigot" sticker slapped on my forehead like it's an answer.

(I find the ppl that do that more often than not are ppl that are currently in 2024 in the age range of 18-22 specifically. Bc 23-24 year olds [I.e. my age] are all confused on how this contradictory labelling works, bc it is confusing.)

It also doesn't help that I have autism which makes all these social implications harder for me.

"mspec lesbians arent valid" "lesboys arent valid" "lesbian is woman liking only women" how about you shut up and we all kiss

#curious #lgbtq #autistic experiences

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katasstrophy · 2 years ago

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let’s have a date night where we watch movies and drink hot choco while we laugh at rin and isagi being locked out of the house 🥹 i brought ginger bread cookies !

but omg river a concept just came to mind and i NEED to let it out or else i’ll go insane. tokyo drift! rin who’s the best drifter in all of tokyo and he’s just the typical intimidating guys who name can make anyone shiver and tremble— ppl think he has girls lined up for him, either the prettiest model or a known idol from a famous agency, but instead every time he comes home to you— he‘a feeling like the luckiest man in the world. no need for excessive glory when his car crosses the finishing line— no engine revving constantly in the midst of a full car garage. just you, quiet, content but absolutely brilliant you . you’re not a famous model or a talented idol — but a good girl who makes sure his schedule is right to a T ! (i’m going insane u can tell i read a lot of bad boy x smart girl tropes)

KAYLA MY MOST BELOVED<3333 sign. me. up!!!!! sounds like the most perfectest date night. movies, cookies, making fun of men - what more can a gal need?? 😌✨ you truly offer the entire package

no no bc i feel like at this point a coronation is in order :((( </333 i must crown you officially as the QUEEN OF AUS bc you truly never miss. you know i love me some smexy 2D men who can make a car go vroom vroom<33 but then really you’re the only thing that can make their heart go vroom vroom<333 (someone put me in JAIL i cannot believe i’m about to publish this, willingly, to the internet my creative writing teachers would skin me) BUT LIKE !!!! this goes to show 👀👀 kayla u think you’ll go insane?? i’ve lost any chance at sane thoughts since you dangled spidey! isagi in front of me like a tasty little carrot i wanna chomp on (both the carrot and isagi. but mostly isagi sksjshjdfkfk)

tokyo drift! rin 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 pls ur absolutely right bad boy x smart girl just hits the spot, tickles my funny bone delightfully as they say (LITERALLY WHO SAYS THAT) a classic for a reason. rin might come off as the cockiest bastard alive when he wipes the floor with every other drifter who dares to challenge him - but he’s just aware of his skills. and as someone who’s the best in his field, it’s only natural he deserves the best in return, so of course he’d pursue you <3 what’s fame and industry talent to your quiet resilience. to your remarkable cleverness. to your gentle yet limitless love and support.

yeah, rin knows he’s good. but it’s with you by his side when he’s the best <3

#this has been sitting in my inbox …. for a shamefully long time i am truly embarrassed #kayla my sweetums i hope u can forgive me :((( <333 #pls know i love you with all my heart and reading ur tasty lil thoughts makes my day #every gosh darn time 🥺🥺🥺 I MEAN IT I AM A SAP OKAY HARDCORE REPUTATION BE DAMNED #ur long distance gf/wife (YES WE CAN BE BOTH AT THE SAME TIME) hope u had a good day🫶 dont forget to eat and take care of urself MWAH #giving u the sloppiest kiss #—my dearest<3 (kayla)#rin loml <3 #itoshi rin x reader

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thinfatfit · 2 years ago

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omg no i pretty much cut myself off from family too but when I was 23, i can't imagine bring an orphan obvious there must be so much pain there and it's very different. But I think even tiny things like I hung out with a friend and her mum bought her lunch. or like family giving leftovers. Having someone to drjve you somewhere. Being alone somewhere late at night and not having a 'last resort' for someone to call. Every doctors office asks for an emergency contact and I put down a friend I have i asked her and she let me luckily. But it still feels very tentative. Also having ppl who've known u since birth and feeling safe abd stable with them and having them know your quirks and yoru personality. Having little things in common and missing those moments together. Jesus like the stability of a job or having choices and options even in a small way. even having family connections that can help you even if its just a friend of a friend knowing someone at a place that's hiring. Or having someone older and experienced who will vouch for you. Having ppl who can help with moving who can even things like. Giving you old furniture or random stuff if ur like 'Damn I don't have x thibg.'and theyre likd 'Oh we have an old... sewing machibe/some old plates/an old wardrobe they can give you. Like... or even not having room for smth and veing able to leave it with them. Like u gotta be able to take care of everything you own. And not having anyone or anything to fall back on. It's terrifying. Even stuff like family history and information bc u wanna know what u were like as a kid. Or to get a diagnosis. Or some kids book or old thing u wanna remember. And u can't just go ask them. All of that memory and information is just. Gone or inaccessible to you. And it's really lonely. ❤❤❤

Yes I 100% with every single thing you said yes yes yes and we both know there are a million other things too. One thing I thought of reading this is not being able to have someone to co-sign a loan with you or sign as your guarantor if you want to rent an apartment and you don’t earn whatever they’re random minimum is (even though you earn enough to more than pay rent).

I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this. It sucks and it is super lonely agreed. And just like….. no one understands. And yes get triggered when my friends say or I see small things like they have food at their house from their mom. Also ya just constantly have to justify and explain why life is so hard without a family. Also people who have families but are like I’m pretty self sufficient and brag about how independent they are and I’m like you get all these perks you don’t realize. Lol one time this girl was saying that if her kids are eighteen when she dies she won’t leave them any money even if she has it because she was self sufficient at that age (she wasn’t lol). I hate all those people who are like you don’t need a family past 18 and I’m like tell me you have a family without telling me you have a family.

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jonnnysuh · 3 years ago

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Dating Renjun would include

Requested by anon: hi !! your dating series headcanons are very cute, could i please request one for renjun 🥺

A/N: I have the biggest soft spot for this man

Series Masterlist

*You can see Renjun in the corner bc you’re on FaceTime. He’s trying to listen to your story while doing something else. The texts are what led up to the impromptu call.*

Crushing Stages:

So I mentioned here that I think if Renjun has a crush on someone, he doesn’t look at them

He can like them A LOT, like literally dream about them

But his friends don’t even know he likes someone. He is just so lowkey about it and the possibility that you may like him too??? KINDA SCARY

I feel like he could be a potential enemies to lovers type person IRL

When you initiate the interest, internally Renjun is PANICKING,,, but he eventually gets all soft and comfortable in your presence???

Like the way he giggles at your jokes, or leans into you, or generally how happy he is to be around you (although he does try to maintain somewhat of a front)

That’s when you really know he’s down BAD bc he’s like this with no one but you

Dating:

He only lets so many ppl into his life like this so pls be careful with his trust

But the moment you get him to really open up, you become his favourite person

The rant sessions are the best

bc you two are just agreeing with each other about how everything sucks

he just gets you, you know?

Also bickering every 2 minutes

While he fights you, he would also fight anyone for you

Why is he ready to square up with u from the moment he wakes up

"You moved too much in your sleep last night" OK and what are u gonna do about it? NOTHING

He’s just so petty

Why are competitions ‘do or die’ for this man

Be ready to literally go head-to-head with him with anything

Also he either gets all shy or whiny when he wants affection from you

"Come here." "Why? Do you wanna cuddle or something?" "No..." "Okay then I'm not going there." *in a quiet voice and his arms reaching out* "Pleaseeee. Don't make me beg."

Very affectionate when it’s just you two

Not a fan of PDA

Like he won't admit it, but he likes to be BABIED

Can be sensitive from time to time

No doubt in his mind that he would defend your honour if someone talks shit

You are just an extension of him and NOBODY messes with what's his

When you do something embarrassing he’ll look away and pretend he doesn’t know you

Colouring book dates :-(( where you guys just sit across from each other and colour together :-(((

Also picnics in scenic places where you guys paint on canvas

Soooo pouty

He really truly does admire you

Gets mad if someone is noisy while you try to take a nap

and then he'll put a blanket on top of you and kiss your forehead :-(((

Doesn't answer your facetime calls the first time you call him, but will call you back like "🤨 what?"

Annoying him must be soooo fun, like you know exactly what ticks him off so you do it

With just one look you can tell when he's over something

Tries his actual best to be patient with you

Because he does have a soft spot

He will literally stay up with you if you need help with something

And try his absolute best to make time for you

And update you with new things so that you're not worried about him

Makes sure you're not stressing yourself out too much by bearing some of the load off your shoulders

His love language is saying "you're so annoyinggg" when you're actually being really cute LMAO

HE JUST CAN'T BRING HIMSELF TO ACTUALLY SAY YOU'RE CUTE AND THAT HE'S GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU DID FOR HIM BUT YOU KNOW HE’S SOOO SOFT FOR YOU

LIKE HE LOOKS AWAY SHYLY AND HE'S LOWKEY SMILING

IS EITHER 1 OR 100 WHEN EXPRESSING HIS FEELINGS

tries to cheer you up by singing to you

STUBBORN af

this song ALL THE TIME (nooo why did I actually search up ‘Renjun’s lil song’ on youtube djskkwosk)

Once you get past his "tough" exterior you know he's really just a grumpy baby that just wants to be loved by his favourite person

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uselessheretic · 3 years ago

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Lmao "how dare you not make fanworks of this canon bland wholesome couple with no conflict between them and no major personal flaws, you must be ableist" or the other acussation which is that you hate bald men (??? These people are shipping Lucius and his dumb sideburns and Izzy who's also not what you'd call traditionally hot??? Why would they balk at bald????). Lucius/Pete is just boring for the popular fic tropes. Like I have yet to see one person say they dislike them in canon! But there's what's good and enjoyable to see on screen as a background pairing, and there's what's going to get its claws deep enough into the brains of people who do transformative fandom to compell them to write fic about it. These two do not provide the correct brainworms.

Izzy is sort of catnip for fanfic writers which I called as soon as the oooh daddy Thing happened. He's a mess and so are all of his possible relationships (also kinky on main without wanting to be kinky on main) but at the same time if you go the "if you touch him right he melts" or "if someone railed him he'd calm down" route it's also believable, bc he's a mess, so you dont have to commit to a 60K angst fest to fix his life or make it worse either. Fandom bicycle pathetic little meow meow.

It's also why so much Blackbonnet content is about their reunion when it's not pure fluff or a pwp, it's the closest bit of relationship drama that has to be resolved (even if you flatten them into uwu cinnamon roll non-pirates and thus ignore any other issues they'd need to work on to make their relationship not implode, you still have this fight to resolve! If you dont do that both of them have so much shit to work on to survive past the honeymoon phase and get better as people together that you do probably need like 70K of fic, maybe a series. This is why they're the central relationship in canon lol. Given the Steddyhands fic Ive read it seems to me to have hit bc if you put Izzy in that mix it's so volatile they HAVE to talk shit out they cant just ignore their problems for 48 chapters without Izzy leaving or dying of stress??)

Cant comment on how the actors being hot factors here bc im too ace to tell when none of them are like. Hollywood Hot/a model?? They're too normal people I could see on the street in real life to like. Rank.

it's just silly because this keeps popping up about the canon pairings as if izzy's going to steal their spot and it's like?? that is not a threat?? i'm trying to not be too heavy on ship hate or whatever but iont even like Lucius/Pete as a pair, but ik they're gonna stay canon and i hope they do bc lots of people enjoy them! but otherwise fandom's just a lil sandbox for me to play in and i wanna see izzy kiss ppl.

i think the "this is problematic" discourse is funny though because i think people are struggling to find a way to make it more woke when both ships are literally white m/m with not much else. you can't even argue a problematic age gap since izzy and pete's actors are only 4 years apart. (lucius confirmed for on a dilf hunt btw) so you just get stuck with "conventionally attractive" which i stg is discourse that only ever happens around white men. (tbf i think people are super out of pocket when they say a poc isn't conventionally attractive. like someone said taika was unconventionally attractive once and like dude. taika is hot in a very like traditionally handsome way??)

and then it's odd because i feel like it's like?? kinda an appropriation of the language used when talking about the racial biases people have against characters of color in fandom. it is an issue when character of color are sidelined or erased in favor of white characters. or sometimes people just? erase canon aspects of characters/pairings to make them flatter than they actually are. like people call jim/olu a fluffy low stress ship, but they're not? their meet cute is a murder and they have ups and downs with separations and communication issues. i do legit think if they were two skinny white cis men that people would be more on them with writing angst and other drama, but :/

either way that concept's being stretched too far where people keep talking about ships where izzy usually just replaces another white guy so what does it matter. even if people wanted the pair to breakup in canon and be replaced with izzy it like... doesn't matter? representation isn't being lost? who cares lol.

i think maybe people just need to work on their propaganda or smth tbh like i didn't find con oneil hot at first and im p sure i got brainwashed into being super into him by fandom. maybe people need to stop complaining about pete being bald and just start talking about wanting to slap him on his bald ass head while topping him and get the tumblr girlies in on the action

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