#this post is about those who destroyed me
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ir-abelas-vhenan · 3 days ago
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Don't mind me, just revisiting the plot (again) and dying over this line (again). (These screenshots are going to be abysmal, but you'll get the point).
"To stop now would dishonor those I have wronged to come this far."
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Yeah he's talking about Mythal (earned or not) and Felassan and Lavellan and Varric...but the way it applies to HIM, too, is what absolutely guts me.
Long post ahead...
Solas realizing that Lavellan doesn't care about how others see him or want to use him under the inquisiton, that HIS motivations as he has shared them are enough for her and worth defending against those who would tell him he's something he isn't. Solas, for the first time, being confronted with the realization that one these new elves he does not see himself in will still go to bat for him.
"You came here to help, Solas, I won't let them use that against you."
(Is he duplicitous? Yes. But intent on working against Corypheus? Undoubtedly).
“How would you stop them?”
“However I had to.”
“...thank you.”
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Solas grappling with the fact that it wasn't just a one off, that this Dalish woman being faced with "hypotheticals" he's desperately been trying to get her people to entertain is jumping in head first, pushing back and disagreeing with him but never treating him worse for their differences and always admitting when he's helped shape a changing perspective. Solas daring to ask for help and marveling at the fact that he receives it, that the same woman who asked if it might some day be possible to live alongside spirits, who did not immediately shoot down his critique of THE CHANTRY REFUSING TO ACKNOWLEDGE SPIRITS AS LEGITIMATE BEINGS (GAH), who did not laugh at him for saying he preferred their company most days, this woman, is going to drop time and resources during war time preparations to personally help his friend.
And then, when he is too late and has once again failed someone he considers a friend, he disappears within himself, where he has always gone to exact punishment for the weight of the lives he believes he's betrayed. It almost works, too.
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Psych. Lavellan doesn't want him to grieve alone, to stare at the place in the Fade where his friend used to be and think of all he should have done differently.
“The next time you have to mourn, you don’t need to be alone.”
“It’s been so long since I could trust someone.”
“I know.”
“I’ll work on it. And thank you.”
And still she unbalances him, accepts him, wants more. Solas is sharing a personality that brings him the closest he has ever been to his spirit form, and it is ENOUGH for her. Existing as he has always dreamt of is all takes to earn her loyalty, respect, and eventually love.
But does she stop there? No. She doesn't chafe at this random apostate who speaks with certainty and unapologetically delves into a past he believes worth preserving, even at the cost of questioning her culture as it currently stands.
The very woman he once thought of as a mistake that HE unleashed upon the world is asking to be a part of his, not because of what he can bring to the table, not because she needs a right hand man, and certainly not because she thinks he has some well of power and intelligence critical to winning over enemies she’s willing to join for "supervisory" purposes (cough cough hi Mythal). She bears the weight of choices that can and will lead to death, to pain, and when it wears on her she relies on him, not for solutions but so that at the end of it all she might smile with someone who knows her heart and the good she tried to do amidst a sea of terrible options. She wants to be known, no inch of her unturned, and worse, she thinks she knows him. But how could she? This is no longer who he is, it is merely the remnants of what he destroyed to make a world at Mythal's whim.
“You’re an admirable man. Not many people know who they are the way you do.”
“Thank you. Both for saying that and…for seeing that. Few in this world can see me instead of just seeing a pair of pointed ears”
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She. Sees. Him. Every part he slowly is realizing he wants to be known for and even a few he thought he could hide. And then he gives it all up. Because he woke to a new world where spirits and elves and mages were so far removed from the role they played in Arlathan that it can only be yet another mistake he caused and must fix, never mind the fact that the dwarves have forgotten why they fled underground millennia ago in the first place.
The friend who tore him from the world he loved, urged him to take physical form? She is dead, too, never mind the fact that she ignored his urging for a different path, nevermind that he killed and tore and hurt in her name because otherwise what was losing the part of himself he loved for?
"A spirit becomes a demon when denied its original purpose.”
“It hurts. It always does, but I will survive.”
“You bound it to obedience, then commanded it to kill. That is when it turned.”
He may no longer recognize where the Dread Wolf ends and where Solas begins, but if he gives up now and permits himself the chance to remember, the pain he caused himself and others means nothing, because he did it all for Mythal and in his final discussion with her, regardless of what Veilguard tries to convey, she does not release him from his position as her agent.
And maybe that's part of why I'm so angry, because EVEN BEFORE TRESPASSER, the fragment of Mythal that ends up in Morrigan could have freed him, but she does not.
"I am sorry." He whispers.
"The failure was mine," he tells her, voice trembling. "I should pay the price."
Silence.
And do we get that "what we did, we did together" psuedo-fake ass-absolution, the one that, if given enough time and safety to put himself first he may have realised he doesn't truly need to pursue the things he deserves, that make him feel finally like himself again? No the fuck we don't.
"As am I, old friend." She murmurs.
Looking through the lens of Veilguard, this isn't an apology, it's a condemnation. It's Mythal tormenting him one more time, twisting the knife deeper, agreeing that it is Solas alone who has brought them to this point, who deserves to be punished. And then she reminds him what they are to each other, what he is supposed to be to her. What he must become again.
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"It isn't abuse if I ask," Cole says in his personal quest.
"Not always true," Solas shoots back.
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So he recommits to the friend he gave up his nature for, he refuses to let himself remember that Lavellan learned the full truth of his identity and still begged him not to mourn alone. Even so, he still cannot quite forget.
Var lath vir suledin. Our love will persevere.
I wish it could, vhenan.
And so he pushes onwards, spending almost a decade denying himself his true nature and regretting that he ever gave it a chance to come through because now he KNOWS that this world is different and a little broken, but it's a world he could be a part of because of the woman and the friends that made a place for him. It is a world that doesn't necessarily need to be restored as much as it might need renovation, but that is not the world Mythal demanded of him when she let him kill a remaining piece of her. And any solution but that means the hurt of taking a body, of hurting the titans, of time and time again being called on by one evanuris to fix a problem they all caused, was for nothing.
And a Pride of that magnitude, that sinister an origin, has a long, long way to fall.
And then that same uppity little shit has the audacity to tell him it's not too late, that he can turn back.
He kills again. He kills again. He kills again.
He kills a friend.
He fails to prevent the Evanuris from wreaking havoc a second time, wrenches another innocent into his war, and when they ask him about the woman he calls vhenan, he feels the mask stifling him begin to suffocate. But he never lets it fall, because to surrender now is to place her broken heart atop the pile of regrets he's been holding up like Atlas crumbling beneath the weight of the world itself. Because he still thinks it selfish to want the things that make him feel like himself again, so they need to be taken off the board entirely.
"To stop now would dishonor those I have wronged to come this far."
If he gives up now, his entire corporeal life has been a betrayal of many, but worst of all, he will have ruined himself for nothing.
But then she's there. A little older, a little sadder, and still looking at him like she did the night he almost broke and instead carefully removed any suggestion that she had ever belonged to anyone but herself.
"Didn't you hear me?" Her every action screams as she kneels to meet his gaze like he did the day he took her arm (another failure, another sacrifice he cannot let be for nothing).
The tombstone in the fade is his greatest fear, but it is not his fate. Why? She will not let it be. It cannot be his din'anshiral if she is not beside him.
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Lavellan may not have understood the depth of exactly WHEN Solas first came somewhere foreign and uncertain to help, but she never once failed to keep her promise. She refuses to let his initial desire to do good be held against him any longer. And when she sees him accept that not-quite-absolution-definitely-more-of-a-power-play from the god that saw what he was capable of and molded him into a weapon, she finds her in to make sure he doesn't walk off alone to mourn again, never again will she lose him to the expectations others have of him. No doubt she wants to find a way to sink the fingers of her good hand into that spectral visage and tear it away like he wishes to do to the veil. But she is not here for Mythal. She is here for her heart, and for the man who has been carrying it since the moment her lips met his in the fade ten years ago.
“No orders to kill, no conflict with its nature, no demon.”
She forces him to see that the only remaining betrayal is to lock himself away one more irreversible time. All that's left to lose is the piece of himself he cherishes more than his greatest victories: all that he has to gain comes from making sure the love that was given to him at Skyhold, in the moment where Varric saw all he was capable of and still tried to bring him back home, was not given in vain.
"There is no fate but the love we share." She tells him as soon as Mythal's too-little-too-late platitudes send shudders through his body.
Banal nadas ar lath'ma vhenan.
It will not be so terrible a place, so unforgivable a betrayal if he can finally dare to put himself first. If, unlike that night in Crestwood, he finally gives in not to break, but to make himself whole.
There's a codex entry in Inquisiton about a spirit of wisdom who is summoned by researchers and only after a very pleasant conversation do they realize they made a mistake and never successfully bound the spirit in the first place, that it chose to speak with them of its own accord.
"I am not certain the spirit would have talked so freely had it been shackled at the time," writes the author of the entry.
I keep thinking about this alongside the datamined line of Morrigan saying, "And so, the Dread Wolf is stopped by, of all things love."
But that isn't quite right, is it?
Because in the end, of course the Dread Wolf could only ever freed by, over everything, love.
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currentfandomkick · 2 days ago
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It is very important to me that Dan casually comments about how he killed them prior everytime they break ghost ettiquette as summoners and that slowly find out Dan is the Royal Wraith, while Danny is a guardian of boundaries and entryways due to what he chose to focus on in his afterlife.
Make it worse with Dan’s commentary of ‘aw, i was wondering when you’d pull this fuck up again. Always reap what you sow Batshit. Think thats why i took the metal keeping your spine intact last time. Your horror was tasty, especially when you were cut off from all tech to warn your kids. Oracle was a bitch to find, and the mute on guarding her was a fun fight too!’
Just let Dan trigger everyone’s fight or flight every time they make demands for anything by bringing up what they realize he did on another earth, in explicit and excruciating detail.
Hell, you can have had the Green Lanterns getting help from Oa and not getting back in time with the energy from the rings being akin to ‘takes up space but nothing of substance’ version of ectoplasm as its pure will not emotionally charged.
Dan is just matching energy on his side. He’s been bored and these fucknuggets made a point to have his ‘got the better timeline’ self relive their fucking death as the first question post semi-botched and painful summoning. And then tried to force that out of him with haphazard runes that ran on the summoner’s world view? They are getting trauma in return for doing the equivalent of throwing a steaming pile of shit at his face on top of jumping him in a back alley mid-panic attack.
He was enjoying reminiscing.
Important note: every JL member present gets similar responses no matter the question. Dan ain’t saying g shit but dishing out truama.
It is important to me that Martian Manhunter is exempt as he would have stopped this when Danny came in and was Distressed from haphazard summoning and in Pain. So he’s on earth or offworld, just not in the JL tower this is happening in.
If a JLD member catches them while they are midsummon interrogations, let it be Zatanna (was a JL pre JLD in the cartoon, so why not?) and have her be the one to silence the JL and ask Dan what caused him to be sent when the summons asked for the king.
And this? This is where JL get context for the degree of how badly they botched any relations with GK!Danny.
Zatanna is pissed they did this sans JLD member to keep their manners in check, and makes apologies and asks what type of reparations would be accepted by the Ghost King Phantom, watcher of the veil, patron of the Veilborn and reborn, and he who holds the line.
Dan straight up says SHE is allowed to summon himself again after they handle the Ghost Investigation Ward, who are kidnapping and tormenting Infinite Realm denizens, forcibly making vielreborn (liminals) and overall using them as experiment fodder with the intentions to destroy the IR and will take out the mortal realms with them.
The silence from the JL is loud.
Zatanna asks if that issue is why Dan hasn’t left the summon circle, given he can leave as it was not made for him.
“My baby bro asked me to handle this. These assholes went after his death, and the Realms are still out for more than blood after the shit that’s been pulled. I don’t care if this mortal plane goes, but for some unfathomable reason, he does. I’m still team obliteration beforehand and let the vengeance-centric and those who lost fright-mates do worse than take back a pound of flesh for each drop ectoplasm they spilled.”
“That is understandable once and no longer ghost king,” Zatanna phrased carefully. “I am glad you have given us an avenue of actionable apology within our means. Are there any you wish to exclude from this mission?”
“Martian Manhunter—he doesn’t need to see that shit. The rest better get firsthand of what was going down, and better get now why i was sent after these fuckers ignored every diplomatic rule. If anyone else tries to summon my brother that isn’t you, i’ll be coming and i won’t be staying in the circle.”
“Understood!”
prompt for dcxdp fic
GK!danny meets the JL and (due to magic users not being in the room) they offend him by threatening/patronising him or asking insensitive questions like how he died. Danny still wants some contact/alliance to help deal with the GIW, but doesn't wanna deal with mortal idiots rn. So he sends Dan in his place for his "community service" aka redemption arc.
Basically I really wanna see Dan dealing with the magically incompetent league and scare the shit out of them.
Bonus if Danny sends a letter along the lines of "Due to negative prior relations and differing priorities, all further communications will be conducted via my brother, as part of his mandatory community service. I advise against angering him, as he is on probation for genocide of a mortal realm. Good luck."
I just think it would be funny.
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gildeddlily · 1 day ago
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season 2 started off beautifully. I was ecstatic at the end of episode three, for the simple reason that it had the same spirit as season 1. Vi feeling like she made a mistake so big trying to reach Powder instead of seeing Jinx and the danger she represented that the only way to fix that for her was to join her oppressors. Caitlyn destroying all the progress she'd made, unlearning what she'd been taught about Zaun by being with zaunites like Vi, the moment one of them killed her mother, and embracing her roots we can say, talking of bad blood and "I thought you were different"- showing that the internalised racism was always there ready to resurface the moment it had an excuse to. Caitlyn saying that her mother being killed by a teenager who's never dealt with her trauma and mental illness is the same thing as Vi's parents being killed by members of a military institution, disregarding everything she knew about the pain and abuse Vi went through because of the Enforcers. a "men get abused too" situation, in which one ignores the social and historical background of that type of violence to feel less sorry about it. they were perfectly well written, because they are things we see everyday. my father taught me as a child that black people crossing the Mediterranean to look for work in Italy were a good thing, and now that he's had problems at work with one he's started saying the opposite. a gay man I knew laughed at trans folks and said they made things worse for us, ridiculing them in the company of straight people to feel less threatened. (not the exact same thing as what happened to Vi, but you get what I mean).
those are real things, and Arcane has always been good at showing real things.
later on, episode seven, Jayce fell down. he landed in the deepest hole of Zaun, broke his leg, was forced to wear a brace to walk, suffered and had to claw his way back to the surface, to Piltover, in a strange metaphor of Viktor's journey and life (saw a post talking even more beautifully about this, will put the link here if I find it again), and once he met Viktor again, he told him his illness, his legs, he, were beautiful. not despite everything. because of it. and now he can understand him a little more. now he says "your imperfections are beautiful" and we can believe him, because he's not speaking from the perspective of a man trying to convince his friend to stop harming others. he's a man trying to make his partner see that he still loves him, now that he's finally understood him after years of trying to reach the truth and always being stopped by something, and that he understands him enough to know why he's harming others, and that he cares for him enough to think that he will be able to understand why it's wrong. it's Viktor accepting the inevitability of being seen by someone who went to hell and back to reach him.
those were fucking beautiful arcs. they were.
and then?
Vi saw Caitlyn become what she'd always said she wouldn't become, and there were no repercussions. Catelyn got to walk away and live all the same. she lost an eye to Ambessa, but it was no punishment for what she'd done. how many people did she harm? how many people did her actions have repercussions on? Vi shouted at her once, and then it was like it had never happened- which is still real, I guess. it happens everyday. but I didn't see any wish to make us see how that was wrong. I don't want to be told "this is wrong", I'm old enough and smart enough to understand this, but I also think I can see the difference between trying to show deeper meanings and not wanting to deal with difficult plot lines.
and Zaun? it was sad. pathetic. years of abuse were what, forgotten and then vanished in thin air because there was a common enemy? that, sadly, isn't real. it isn't. years or oppression can't be forgotten so easily, not by the oppressed, for one "glorious" fight. it's lazy. what started as a good depiction of reality turned into an american wet dream of big fights and sad sacrifice scenes and epic love stories that cross any difficulty, and economic and social difference. don't you dare say something against Caitlyn and Vi's ending, they went through all that, they deserve nice things. they do. many other people did. no one cared about them tho.
so.
epic failure. good soundtracks tho.
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nixisglitched · 2 days ago
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"Finally found me huh?"
I am WAY to fixated on him to wait for my brain to make up colors to post him SO we have a creature feature
Featuring, the creature! This will for now be my Tech Au! (Coming up with names as we speak this won't stick in my head BUT ITLL DO FOR NOW!)
He doesn't have a name just yet as my brain has been to focused on lore and story to even make a name for him BUT here's the basics~
This is Prototype 1. In this Au the actual Sun and Moon daycare attendants are in separate bodys as this guy right here was the failed experiment of 2 Ai's in one body. This failed as the two Ai's weren't able to stay separated, merging into one,new, very much different and new personality. Molded through trauma and the interest of the outside world beyond the matinence tunnels, it became defiant and wouldn't put up with any more "childpoofing tests". Thrown down into the basment with the endos it escaped and, in a very broken and torn apart state, it pulled itself up into the construction zone that was the daycare and made a home in the ceiling of the balcony off room. Then shortly after making it up there passed out into dormancy.
Assumed to be destroyed and gone, Sun and Moon were created and put into operation. The daycare has been open for years by now, and lots have happened. He's woken up broken but with a new world around him to learn about and maybe, just maybe, get some closure and take care of those who hurt him in his creation and of course make a few friends along the way.
I'm so excited about this. au yall don't even know. Asks about it are absolutely open and I'll have a proper colored ref of him soon!! Name ideas are absolutely appreciated! He's gonna be VERY galaxy vibes hopefully. His pants are grey sweatpants he found in lost and found with patches of old Sun&Moon clothes to patch it up when his vent crawling habits tear it open. Also, lots to say about that tail ehehehe
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hot-lesbian-knight · 3 days ago
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I've got about a few active WIP novels but I unfortunately don't post about my current projects very often, that said I'm always happy to chat about them with folks who are curious!(AKA I'm just eagerly awaiting for anyone to trigger my unskippable cutscene where I infodump about the Stories I'm writing for hours)
My current outlined projects where I'm currently working on either a first or second draft are:
Briars in June - A contemporary Lesbian Romance novel about a butch trans lesbian reconnecting with her highschool crush and best friends who's a very repressed and closed lesbian woman returning to their hometown after being gone for 15 years.
Wolf and Witch - A fantasy Western about a and a lady witch who are thrown together when the Witches former employer threatens to destroy the small mining town the werewolf calls home. I'm currently writing Wolf and Witch with a close friend of mine!
Then I have an ever growing list of backburner WIPs that I've been tinkering with when I don't feel like working on the two I've been mainly focusing on:
A Sci-fi mech story about a pilot and handler that is vaguely a retelling of the Myth of Orpheus! After the Pilot dies in a brutal attack on the military base they both call home, the handler discovers that an echo of the pilots consciousness still lives within the circuits and neural pathways of the Pilots mech. Rather than let the Mech be wiped the Handler steals it with hopes to somehow save the Pilots consciousness.
A Sci-fi story exploring the death and rebirth of self inherent to coming out through the lens of an AI android built and trained on the memories and digital footprint of a wannabe merc who died having to come to terms with the fact that she's still seen as this dead boy who's the only way she relates to the world through, and how the people who knew him look at her and just see a dead boy they're still in mourning for.
A horror adventure story that's basically "What if lesbian Frankenstein's Monster and Pygmalion's Galatea went on a revenge Roadtrip as they discover the joys of expressing their own identities rather than those forced on them and hunt down their creators"
A very loose idea about a fantasy story following a Jester, a Princess, and a Knight who are a very messy and toxic little throuple that all kinda love/hate each other and either want to have hot kinky sex or push each other down one of the many flights of stairs of the castle but if any one of them died the rest would probably throw themselves off the battlements from grief and love. No plot concept here yet, mostly just three very messy lesbians who have a complex dynamic and have spent the last little while running around my grey matter alternating between slapstick style whacking each other with cartoon hammers and making out sloppy style with each other.
Feel free to DM me or send me asks about em! I also need to get more in the habit of posting about these more often, or at least have a pinned post with them or something
Anyway good luck hunting for new follows!
So, I've been gone from Tumblr for a long while and my dashboard is pretty quiet, so if you're an indie author/writer, feel free to reblog/like this post so I can give your blog a follow (I follow from @mxxnwishes).
If you feel like it, let me know what you're currently working on!
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fox-bright · 3 days ago
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hi! in a post where you gave some great advice, i noticed one of the things you said was "Honor is not the same as dignity. Retaining one sometimes means leaving the other aside". what would you say is the difference between the two?
There's a Lois McMaster Bujold quote that goes something along the lines of, "Reputation is what others know about you; honor is what you know about yourself," and it's a little bit along those lines.
Dignity is, to me, your presentation to the world. The way you might hold your face still while someone mocks you, or straighten your shoulders even if you're in pain. "I am never going to let them see me cry" is dignity, the self-control that keeps you upright even if you're suffering. There are times when dignity is the only thing that might keep a person going, when they're going through hell.
The two can be hand in hand. If I'm being slandered by a racist who isn't actually in any position to hurt me or others, then showing that it means nothing to me might fulfill both positions simultaneously; I'm not sinking to the level of needing to revenge myself on someone I could destroy, and I'm not giving them any fuel for further abuse against me.
But sometimes that extends to taking on unnecessary suffering out of a desire to keep face--or, worse, to allowing things that are corrosive to who you are, out of an unwillingness to rock the boat.
If your children are starving, it might be the more dignified thing to show a proud face in public and refuse all aid, but it's not the honorable one. The honorable thing is to accept that you are going to look weaker, in exchange for your children having full bellies.
If you have to choose between the dignity of being part of the respected group, and the honor of stepping outside it to help someone, there's a pretty big gulf between the two. Holding too tight to dignity might mean staying friendly with an abuser, instead of standing up to them; upholding an organization over the individual. Every religious leader who ever hid a sexual assault, every cop who saw his partner shake down a gas store for free hot dogs, every twelve-year-old girl who witnessed her friends bullying the new kid and did nothing (or, worse, participated), was more concerned with dignity than honor, though they probably don't think about it that way or use those words.
Prizing dignity over honor, taken to a toxic point, is the practice of turning your head and simply Not Seeing what honor would demand you protest.
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randomfusilier · 5 days ago
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- Everclear :: Father of Mine
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago
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A really sinister aspect into how people view children and parents is the idea of children being a replaceable commodity.
I've seen this in the way people talk about parents who have lost children but have surviving children... "Oh, at least you have other children," as though a child is just an interchangeable tool, a machine that dispenses what you want from it without it being sentient, whole, and feeling. The fact that people say that in order to comfort somebody shows, to me, how deep this mindset is engraved in people's brains: children are interchangeable items, and they do not fundamentally matter.
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lia404 · 2 months ago
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"Ai, living has no answer."
"When we're in pain, we search for an answer to feel better. A concise, absolute answer. But if you really want an answer… it's that there is no answer. There are no absolute in this world. Even if we think there is, in the end, it'll only make us feel better for a moment.
If there are no absolute, then what's left?
Bonds. Bonds between individuals. Bonds between one another. That's all there is.
That also changes with time. A huge trigger can cause a huge change. Bonds may be severed. But new bonds can also be formed. So living is a series of bonds.
That's what life is.
I have to do that forever?
Yes.
That's a lot of work.
Yeah.
I'd need to be so strong.
That's why people become stronger. That occasionally leads to conflicts. But even if that happens, we have to keep fighting. Keep searching for bonds, even if there's no answer.
You can't rush living."
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So I saw on MyFigureCollection that October 13 was maybe possibly Yusaku's birthday, although I couldn't find any reliable source for this. I'd have loved to do something nice and light-hearted for the occasion, but I'm still feeling too strongly about it all. So here you are instead: Happy (maybe) Birthday, Yusaku! Please have some trauma to go with your trauma. Here's to another year of fending off expectations and looking for your own life and its non-answers with eyes wide open and always filled with hope.
#yu gi oh#vrains#vrains spoilers#SPOILERS#how do you tag so it really really doesn't show too obviously because seriously I'd feel horrible for completely spoiling#but I still wanted to share it because I KEEP CRYING#i told my *therapist* about it and we had almost a whole session about bonds and what they mean in terms of support and pressure#I also posted the quote on Facebook last week for my birthday with no explanation and completely out of context#and it was so amazing to have people compliment me on it and ask if they could reuse it#those were the same people who told me that anime would make my brain rot 20 years ago so that's nice turntable and all#i really want to write something heartfelt about it but i'm just rambling and honestly the quote is self-sufficient#i guess i'll just have to find a way to get it tattooed somewhere on my back now because it feels like the only way for me to recover#“I get it now; if you have bonds no one will forget you.” “I won't forget you.”#Vrains quote#VRAINS FEELS#i can't wait for more post-canon in Duel Links#maybe beginning of 2025 if i calculated correctly?#hoping for Akira Zaizen and his Tindangle deck that I'll be happy to destroy with my Revolver deck#and i also have kilowords upon kilowords to write about EVERYTHING but i still need a bit more time#okay that's too many tags i'm done gonna cry a Nile and a half now bye#edit HEY I FIGURED OUT THE “READ MORE” THING I feel less afraid of spoiling now but seriously if you haven't watched Vrains yet stop readin
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docmerlin · 2 months ago
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public perception on illness has shifted so far that people think i'm insane for not wanting to hug them when they're visibly sick but if they see a medical mask in any context they freak the fuck out
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wild-at-mind · 4 months ago
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I honestly feel so alone in my communities (trans, queer, whatever else) a lot of the time and I can't articulate why to anyone irl.
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dogearedheart · 4 months ago
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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
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ravio-the-cabinet-man · 5 months ago
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internet stop reminding me of the divine beast SOS music theory thing. it makes me sad!!!!
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hershelwidget · 7 months ago
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I don’t know anymore have a Caleb prepared to Fight for his bestie
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“she asked for no pickles” lookin scene
#his character arc from goofy tall guy to Don’t Talk To Me Or My Friends Ever Again is WILD#hershel’s octonauts au#octonauts gups#in all seriousness this scene is based off of the concept of lars making his way onto the ship#caleb and beast both want him DEAD dead#also to explain emma:#she gained a genuine phobia from the trauma of her experience with lars and has nightmares about him like. 3 times a week#bundle that info with the fact that caleb and emma are quite close and badda bam you have the scene#technically speaking emma did ask for no pickles. she asked to not Be the pickles.#i’m normal about these two specifically i need to study their friendship under a microscope#to ramble about caleb for a second sorry-#he had enough soup before his death for the effects to. well. take effect. and he gained a rather mild form of amnesia but still Amnesia#he doesn’t fully remember darwin but knows in his heart that darwin is important to him so he stays near them when possible#(as a result from the trauma of being murdered) he sometimes has moments where he Shuts Down#but he’ll still try to be close to any of his friends ; though those moments bring him closer to emma because she’s usually the one to#guide him when he does that (she does it too)#he wants lars dead because he’s being angry ‘on behalf’ of darwin and emma his two favourite people in the world#obviously thats not really how it works but that’s what he feels is going on#’if not me then who’ type of situation with this guy yk.#also ALSO one time he absolutely destroyed felix because he found out that he’s been manipulating emma so there’s also that#caleb is VERY protective about emma actually. most of the time it’s unnecessary honestly#it only really becomes useful against the other spirits or against lars#like in the picture !! woah it comes full circle i know right#thats my cue to post the thing . sighs . caleb i love you don’t let lars hurt anyone else
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reginrokkr · 11 months ago
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𝐂𝐋𝐗𝐈𝐈. Concerning the insurrection in Khaenri'ah by the military faction and the citizens that were brave to join the cause to put a stop to the deplorable situation the kingdom was facing because of the people that obsessed too much over the Abyss, Dain was one of the Black Serpent Knights that fought for the improvement. Being in constant touch with royalty and aristocracy and his own observations as a knight made it difficult for him to not realize that something sinister was boiling down in regards of the Abyss, and to have suspicions that certain events that jeopardized the citizens' safety were directly related to those who tampered too much with the Abyss. To him, everyone was a Khaenri'ahn no matter if pure-blood or not, as his last order during the cataclysm was to protect everyone at all cost, no matter if royalty, nobility or otherwise.
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catboyrightsdefender · 2 years ago
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in 2023 i suggest we lgbt people stop catering to cishet ppl's sensitivity and start being radical and intolerant
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