#this post is about those who destroyed me

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One Six

Eddie stands in the hallway, his feet cold on the marble floor, feeling useless. The profound lack of confidence is new and...haunting. Going through an extended period of time where he had to face how utterly shit he’s been as a human being has been...well. He’s doing his absolute best to remind himself that all of his friends and family don’t hate him, but that’s really hard considering how utterly shit he’s been.

How much trouble he’s caused for everyone.

He nearly lost the band. After all the hard work everyone put in, they got their dream. They achieved it. They played to sold out stadiums, and Eddie nearly fucked it, nearly fucking destroyed a decade of his friends hard work because he can’t control himself.

Eddie could be the shittest human being to ever exist.

“You should put a shirt on, Chrissy will be here soon.”

Eddie glowers at Steve. He’s got a hundred things on the tip of his tongue. Steve’s a traitor for leaving. Steve’s a cunt for being in his house for a week uninvited in the first place. How dare Steve just...abandon his post, or whatever. How can he just...leave Eddie to this. Steve’s just some guy with a dumb job and Eddie is that dumb job and Eddie hates him for it.

Steve hoists his stupid sensible back pack up higher, a small duffel in the other hand, “I prepped some snacks in the fridge if you get hungry later. Don’t forget the stuff in the dryer, it’ll crease if you leave it too long.”

“You’re not my mom.”

Steve professional mask slips back into place, “nice meeting you, Eddie,” and then he heads to the front door.

“I...wait. What am I supposed to do?”

Steve shrugs, “have a nice life?” he suggests vaguely, his eyebrows, doing that nothing thing that’s definitely a thing.

“And that’s it...you’re just going to leave?”

“Your rut is done, so is my job.” Steve gives Eddie a cold, customer service smile, “Chrissy’s coming over later to hang out. She said something about taking you to the studio tomorrow, that’ll be good, right?”

“I. I mean.” Eddie feels sick. He does not want to face the guys. He absolutely does not want to do that, at all. They’re going to hate him and it’s going to be awkward and it’s going to be shit and Eddie’s lost the people who are most important to him in the whole world and it’s all completely his own fault.

Steve’s face softens a little, back to just Steve and not professional Steve, and he puts his duffel down, “what is it?”

“Thought your job was done,” Eddie grumbles, wrapping his arms around himself defensively, suddenly deeply regretting his bare chest. Steve is well built and golden and healthy looking, and meanwhile Eddie is painfully aware of his scrawny, sad wet rat appearance.

“It is, I’m off the clock. You get one free pass, go for it.”

Eddie feels like a naughty child, staring the shit out of the floor. He gestures vaguely. “What if I fuck it up?”

“You’re probably gonna’.”

Eddie’s head snaps up, incandescent with rage, “what in the actual fuck-”

Steve shrugs, putting his duffel all the way down, “look. Statistically it takes a few tries for sobriety to stick. There’s...a lot of things I’m supposed to say about this, but, honestly,” he shrugs, “I’m not on shift, so, the best advice I have is remember this. Remember how shit you feel. Remember how much you upset Chrissy. Remember how much you fucking hated having me here. Remember how much you hated the center. Remember how fucking dogshit you felt when you found out your band were ready to bail on you. Hold on to it, and when...when you think you might fuck up, just think to yourself, is it worth it? Is it worth losing those people. Is it worth going through all this, again? Because...it isn’t worth it, is it? And, realistically...what really matters is what you do after you fuck up. The self destruct is the easy way out, getting back on the horse is the hard thing...but the right thing.”

Eddie kind of, deflates, a little. Because honestly, Steve's right. No ones ever put it quite like that before. It’s a horribly solid argument for not fucking up.

Steve picks up his duffel, turning to go, but he stops, smiling to himself, lingering for a second in the doorway, “and if that doesn’t work, just think, what would Dolly do?”

The door closes, and Eddie sighs.

The house is suddenly really, really big, and really, really fucking empty.

Eddie goes and runs himself a bath, and if that means he can imagine Steve is still in the house somewhere, there’s no one here to know what he’s up to.

"I didn't hate having you here," Eddie finally replies to no one.

“Eddie, get fucking dressed. What are you even doing in there?”

“Nothing,” Eddie grumbles from under the covers.

The door bangs, “oh my god, you’re not even up, what are you doing??”

“I’m not going.”

“Excuse you?” Chrissy drags the covers off him, and it’s fucking brutal. The air is chillier than the warmth under the covers and the light is too fucking bright.

Eddie yelps and curls up into a ball, “they don’t want to see me. I’ll just...ruin everything.”

“Oh. You’ve finally hit the feeling sorry for yourself stage.”

“What?”

“Recovery. It’s like with grief. There’s stages. I read a book.”

“You read a book-”

“Look. They want to see you. You’ve pissed them off, yes. You’ve been absolutely shit, also, yes.” Eddie curls up on himself even tighter, “but you had a problem Eddie, and you...weren't very well. And now you’re putting in effort and they see that, okay. They want their friend back, they want this to work out, okay?”

“You think?” Eddie mumbles, his face shoved into the sheet.

“Yes, I do. I also think that if you think a good first impression is you showing up fucking late and keeping them waiting then you’re an-”

“I’m up!” Eddie shifts, climbing out of bed, “I’m getting ready. I’ll be like, twenty minutes.”

Chrissy has Eddie a coffee ready in a to go cup in the kitchen, and he grabs it, rooting around in the fridge, he pulls out the last Tupperware, digging for a spoon from the drawer.

“Since when do you eat breakfast?” Chrissy asks as Eddie juggles everything, following her to the car.

“It’s overnight oats, peanut butter raspberry, there’s like, chia seeds and shit in it, Steve makes them. It’s like dessert for breakfast. Honestly it’s even better than his waffles.”

Eddie gets his seat belt on, pulling the lid off and digging in, he catches Chrissy staring at him, “what?” he speaks with his mouth full.

“I...you know what, nothing...just don’t spill that shit in my car.”

Eddie hesitates at the door. They’ve spent a million hours in this studio over the years. It’s like a second home to all of them. Every studio album they’ve ever produced, they’ve recorded it here. It’s like...a second home now. After they got shot to fame. When they didn’t have a clue what they were doing, not really, not in the beginning...this is the place where they learned how it sounded when your music got mixed by an actual professional.

This is the place that breathed life into Eddie’s vision.

He thunks his head against the door, just for a second, Chrissy waiting patiently a step behind him. She doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t press.

“What would Dolly do?” Eddie whispers to himself, and then he opens the door.

It’s actually been a few months since he’s seen the guys; easily the longest they’ve been apart since high school. Everyone looks a little uncertain when Eddie walks in, and Eddie suddenly feels like a stranger. Like an outsider, in a place he shouldn’t be.

In a place he has no right to be.

In a place he most certainly doesn’t deserve to be.

“Uhm, hi, everyone.”

There’s a moment of quiet that almost has Eddie retreating straight back out the door, but then Gareth is up out of his chair. He’s across the room in three long strides, and Eddie almost flinches back from the hit he thinks is coming, but then he’s in a hug. A big, solid, bone crushing hug.

Eddie closes his eyes, and rests his hands on Gareth’s back, “I’m so sorry.”

“Fucking better be,” Gareth huffs.

The hug lasts forever, like Gareth doesn’t want to let him go, but eventually he has to. Eddie is wrapped in Gareth’s scent. It’s as familiar as his own. Home, pack, brother, it says. Eddie relaxes into it. It’s calm, Gareth’s scent, not really betraying anything other than...Gareth’s happy to see him.

Jeff is next, “I’m so sorry man.”

“Wait? You’re sorry?” Eddie’s enveloped in another hug. Another familiar scent fills Eddie’s lungs. Makes him feel a tiny bit more whole. Another puzzle piece slotting into place, settling his insides. He’s denied himself this for so long, the relationship more and more strained the further Eddie spiraled.

“We saw it happening man, we made excuses. Told ourselves it wasn’t that bad, or it was just a phase. And then before we knew it it...it felt like we’d watched it get out of control, like we just sat back and let you struggle. I feel like we could have done something.”

It breaks something inside Eddie a little, he nuzzles closer, pressing his forehead against Jeff’s shoulder. “I made my own stupid mistakes.”

“In the beginning, yeah, totally you did. But...it became an illness, Eddie. And when you’re sick...you need help. We left it too long. You nearly fucking died.”

“I’m...I’m okay now, okay?”

Jeff pulls back, his eyes wet like Eddie’s, “you wanna play some tunes?”

“Fuck yeah I wanna’ play some tunes.”

Chrissy ordered them Chinese. They’re not allowed food in the actual booth bit, so they sit out in the lounge to eat.

It had...felt a little stilted, at first. Like they all had rough edges that weren't quite sitting right. It took a little while, but playing their older stuff helped. Something cathartic about completely ignoring their big hits. They don’t play a single number one tune the whole time they’re in there, playing their own personal favorites instead, shouting what they wanted at each other in between tracks.

It’s...good. It’s fun. There’s no pressure, and an hour in, they start to really click.

An hour after that, Eddie almost forgets all the bad shit. Almost stops feeling the rift he’s caused.

It’s back now though, back in force, when Gareth asks him what he wants to do next.

“I can’t tour,” Eddie says immediately.

There’s no push back, startlingly, everyone seems to agree, “yeah, I think it’s a bad idea. And to be honest...I don’t really want to. Not for a while, it was...a lot, right?” Jeff asks.

Everyone agrees. Everyone has families, hell, Gareth’s, somehow, got a hot wife and a kid. It’s a lot, being away from home so much when you have commitments like that.

“I wouldn’t mind something local though,” Gareth says, “maybe just like...stay in the states. Do like, a couple of stadiums or something.” The thought of being in front of all those people feels a little…itchy, to Eddie. He’s really not sure about performing right now, and Gareth clearly clocks it. There’s something there, the understanding. Eddie’s scent is probably going buck wild too, “not until we release a new album though, obviously,” he tacks on. Adjusting. For Eddie.

“Right,” Eddie nods, “right, a new album.”

Eddie hadn’t even thought about it. Didn’t think he had the right any more, didn’t think the guys would support him with anything like that, or even...trust him with it.

“I kind of have,” Jeff starts, pulling some balled up scraps of paper out of his jacket pocket.

Gareth has a whole fucking notebook, “what?” he says at the looks on everyone's faces, “I was bored, alright?”

Eddie gathers it all together, “okay if I...take it home and have a look?”

Everyone agrees, and by the time Eddie goes home again, they have plans for a full day in the studio, Eddie’s been invited to a BBQ at Gareth’s, and Jeff wants to run a games night.

Eddie’s going to have to dig out his dice, which, is kind of a weird feeling. He’ll have to brush up on the Handbook, they haven’t played for...well. Probably years with the tours.

Eddie finds himself kind of excited about it.

[sepublic]

            I also wanted to discuss this as its own post because it’s the only question from the Gallery Nucleus Q&A I can find an actual video source on, but in regards to whether there would’ve been a Wittebane flashback in the show, had there been no shortening? None whatsoever, according to Dana herself; On account of A) Not wanting the audience to think Belos is in any way sympathetic, and B) Wanting to preserve the mystery of what exactly happened, because she thinks it plays into the horror vibes better. There definitely would’ve been more than what we got in canon, but not a full backstory.

            Can I say, what a relief to have actual confirmation, in one way or the other? With that in mind, I get Dana; That’s a pretty fair takeaway! Considering who Belos represents, it’s fine to not want viewers trying to think of him as understandable in any way, when we have sycophants in the media playing devil’s advocate for the current men in office; Sometimes ya gotta be firm, and if this is the writers’ way of conveying their point, so be it!

            Dana obviously didn’t want to portray Belos as evil since birth just from the memory portraits, and the overall themes of the story; But she didn’t want viewers to think Belos is sympathetic just because he wasn’t born evil, which is what you can say about every person in history, good and bad. And while I do consider that the writers made a mistake by including Hunter in the show at all, it seems Dana was at least wary about fans bending over backwards for those other white guys Belos and Caleb, which I’m really grateful for in hindsight.

            To go on a tangent, the second reason also makes me think of how the Star Wars films, which stand on their own, never really explained why Palpatine was like that, and they didn’t need to when the mechanics of the world and reality provided enough; And with Belos, we know a lot more about his background, AND he’s more humanized! The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise was all the story needed, and the mystery does add a layer of horror.

            Of course, certain people are freaking out over this revelation, so let me bring up this one popular Tumblr post going around, about how it’s important to humanize villains so the viewer can reflect on the capacity for evil of anyone, including themselves; With a very popular addition to that post being that humanizing a villain isn’t necessarily the same as sympathizing with them. The former is all Dana and the writers did, and frankly it’s all they needed to do.

            We’ve seen Luz and Lilith’s ability to fall for a cult under the promise of belonging, King feeling tough from destroying his enemies, the Collector’s possessive love. There’s plenty of good faith examples of hurting people because characters thought it was for the better, and Belos provides an example of bad faith, in addition to the show emphasizing character beats exclusive to him; The colonial white supremacist. The so-called critics aren’t really asking for what they say they are, because really, the complaints boil down not to the fact that Belos wasn’t humanized, it’s that the narrative didn’t sympathize with… a genocidal white supremacist?????

            I remember seeing Belos fans claim that the crew wrote him “differently” in S3, that they made him less sympathetic, which is silly to me not just because S3 Belos is the same guy as S2, but mask-off and in the midst of his villainous breakdown.

            But S3 was where the writers established that he was an orphan, that he wears his brother’s coat, that contrary to S2’s presentation, he DOES somehow feel guilt over the brother and Grimwalkers he murdered, and it’s an interesting contrast to his apparent apathy at the end of Hollow Mind!

            But it’s also not mutually exclusive from his prior-established enjoyment of hurting the Grimwalkers, because abusers can have mixed feelings about their abuse but still do it anyway because they ultimately still thrive on it. It doesn’t make Belos a good or tragic person, it just makes him human. The show doesn’t invite you to find him sympathetic for this, just condemn him more because of how pathetic it all is, it’s a realistic reaction based on how anyone would react to him IRL. There’s nothing different about Belos in the finale, it’s just a reminder of who he still is at his core, and being human doesn’t retroactively make committing genocide ‘complex’ because we’re all human, why does he get special credit for that?

            Again, I’ve seen some salty Belos stans claim that giving him a flashback was necessary to show how people can fall down that path, but again the show already did that. And amidst the discussion of good faith, the point with Belos specifically is that some people are just acting out of bad faith, and it’s why you can’t fix everyone, and that’s why we had the Collector’s hug fail. Because if you orchestrate genocide, then you’ve given up any claims of acting in good faith. Everyone has the capacity for evil, but realistically, it comes to some people a lot more easily than others; Even so, Boscha was a bully with no reason for it, but she still matured! And I see nothing wrong in this day and age of showing that a PoC has every right to kill a white supremacist who’d already murdered her. I swear it feels like people think belittling or hating on victims makes them subversive and not just stupid.

[holybibly]

I think I should clear a few things up once and for all.

Firstly, if you want to prove my age, I am prepared to send you my documents, but onlyif you're ready to get sued for libel and slander online.

If you want to go further, I am willing to provide my work contacts to prove my identity. I am not afraid of you and I will not back down.

Secondly, to all those who think I am responsible for myself, are you serious? I am the owner of two blogs. My first mother blog was created over 9 years ago and here is a photo to prove it, if I am underage then by your logic I should have been 7-9 years old when I created it.

If you accuse me of lying about my age again, I will prepare a libel suit.

As for warnings, here are the posts with clear tags. Seeing this you realise what you're signing up for. As for the rest of my stories, I don't have the time now, as I'm a working person, but I won't be lazy and I'll highlight for you in the text the moment of explicit consent or confirmation before the sexual act from all my stories.

Thirdly, I hope you will attack all authors of dark fiction in the same way. Again, I don't have time now, but just for you, I will provide more than 50 books by famous authors in which the word "rape" is mentioned without censorship or warning. And also more than 100 works about objectification, paedophilia, rape, body horror and other triggers on AO3 without warnings and with ratings over 10k likes. If you think I'm going to let anyone come in here as if it were their home and destroy what I've spent almost two years building, you're wrong.

I will make you respond with a public apology.

You may think that everyone here is a crazy fan, that I have a cult here and so on, this is your opinion and only yours, as I have more than a hundred posts where I communicate with my followers, asking their opinions, supporting them, offering friendship and so on. Even when I answer about the appearance, the style of the MV, whether I liked the album or not, I point out "This is my opinion and you can agree with it or not" I have helped my followers deal with mental attacks, breakups, self-doubt, rehabilitation after surgery and if you think I will not post confirmation, then you are wrong.

You can insult me, but not my friends.

And if you think the world revolves around you, you're wrong, I have over 1000 messages in my inbox and over 3000 in DM, so accept that no one will rush to answer you immediately.

Also, I shouldn't be too nice to people I don't know. I'm not trying to threaten you in any way, but I do want to warn you that you will always have to answer for your harsh words.

[tobey-mccallister-iii]

OOC Post:

Uh, hey guys, just saying that there is still a living human being (me) on the other side of this account who reads all of your anonymous asks.

Sending completely random insults is really weird; I do understand that you’re trying to interact with a character, but I am not some AI chatbot.

I do read everything you send me, including various slurs you’ve called me, you telling me to kms, and it’s weird as hell.

Just to clarify; I am specifically talking about like two or three anons who spam my inbox with their shit every day.

I’m genuinely considering turning off my anonymous asks because of those few anons.

———

Another (kinda unrelated) thing I want to address is starting “events”.

Yes, the blender thing was funny, but so many people had so much power over the situation.

Not to mention that with the recent burst of mingcallister shipping in the rp (which I don’t have a problem with the ship itself, just the way some of you are going about it), there have been a bunch of people trying to start events (confessions, dates, etc).

It’s fine if you want to send these kinds of asks, but I’m unlikely to answer them unless they’re really entertaining to me (like people getting mad over me “destroying their homes” and threatening me over that).

As always, you’re allowed to make an account and join, but as per joining any rp, don’t make yourself a “main character” and try to take over the existing storyline too much. (Not trying to have another Cerulean situation, iykyk)

[bertoltblecht]

On Call - One

Characters - Michael "Robby" Robinavitch x OFC , Michael "Robby" Robinavitch, Frank Langdon, Dana Evans, Jack Abbot

Summary - Rose Reilly is a surgical resident specializing in trauma medicine under Drs Robinavitch and Abbot. A series of scenes involving Robby and Rose.

Word count: 1874

Rated: Mature

Tags: Angst, Mutual Trauma, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Tension, Very Light Suicidal Ideation, Sex, Mutual Pining

A/N: Hello! Sorry if you know me in real life and this is weird. Enjoy! This is already 4 chapters deep on Ao3 but I don’t want to flood tumblr like a jerk so I’ll post them over a week here to get caught up. Let me know what you think, please be gentle. Writing is someone’s emotional back window, don’t snipe me. There’s going to be some more of this, not sure how much.

—————————————————

In order to work in the emergency medical field, you have to be able to keep all your shit in neat, tidy mental boxes. Rose had taken a while to adjust to needing such thick walls between her surface emotions and the impossible frustration of their day to day lives.

She did her surgical specialization in the Pitt, trauma medicine. All the other residents conceded none of them wanted her fellowship under Dr. Robby. Idiots. Not only was he the most experienced doctor in the hospital, but he had a commitment to educating the doctors around him. He had certainly committed himself to her education.

It had been more than a crash course in emergency medicine. He’d also caved to her earnestness, her intelligence, and her desperation. He had shown her how to manage the excess of everything that built up inside her and threatened to destroy her. Robby’s boxes were taped shut, he’d been doing this long enough that even when the bones in the closet started to clamber to life, the locks stayed tight. He was impressively good at looking sad but soldiering on and Rose... felt too much for a long time.

Long before things became personal between them, Robby had looked out for her in a way she’d never had a boss look out for her. He was that way with all the people who worked with or for him, she assured herself. And he really was for the most part. After one particularly long, terrible shift, an intern told Robby that Rose was MIA for final rounds. Dana had tried to cover for the girl but pointed the senior attending subtly in the direction of the stairwell to the roof.

It wasn’t like it was high or anything. It was just the trauma center roof which was only three stories. The main hospital was taller. Furthermore, it wasn’t like Rose was thinking about that at all. Well, she was but just in the way she thought about a lot of things - theoretically. It would just be such a huge hassle for her coworkers downstairs and she’d be in, like, a ton of pain. That wasn’t at all why she’d come up here. She just knew after that shift no one would want to climb the stairs to find her and she needed to breathe. Rose needed the locker room to be empty after the shift change so she could change alone and not have to be a human being in front of everyone while they were all exposed, exhausted nerves.

“Dr. Reilly.” Hearing her name from the door wasn’t entirely what surprised her, it was the sharpness with which it left Dr. Robby. The sight of her at the railing of the roof clearly affected something in him. Rose felt something she thought might be guilt bubble up in her at having been up here and inadvertently thinking those thoughts, sending off that energy. Her head was full and sluggish and overwhelmed all at once.

Dr. Robby repeated her name again, his tone more gentle but it still made her go wide eyed for a moment all the same - just long enough that his expression softened as she turned and moved away from the railing to walk toward him.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. Dana said you were up here, you missed rounds.” His tone was light. It wasn’t a question or an accusation.

“I know, sorry. I don’t know why today got to me so badly,” Rose admitted softly. But it wasn’t just that day. It had felt like it had been creeping up on her for a while. They’d had a series of bad weeks in the trauma department. It was easy to admit she was run down that day, and the sentiment didn’t convey any of the devastation lingering just below the surface, the waves thrashing her against the rocks.

“It won’t happen again.” She sounded like she meant it, and he was inclined to believe her. For a moment though, he scrutinized her in a way that made her want to fidget nervously. It felt like having someone glance around you at your front door, peeking to see what you were hiding with the door propped open just so.

Rose lost the staring contest and dropped from his intense gaze. But he seemed satisfied that she was at least going to make it another day, so he nodded. “Try to get some rest. Good work today. I know they aren’t all easy days, but your progress and contribution here is obvious.” The sentiment sounded so genuine, it made her eyes well and her throat tightened in an annoying way.

The earnestness made her feel itchy. “Thank you, Dr. Robby. It means a lot. I’m built for this, I know I am. It’s just taking some time to…put everything in its proper place, label all the boxes to pack the trauma in.” He’d laughed at her joke and hadn’t gone back inside until she had.

After that, it was obvious that Robby was learning things about her as they went, and Rose tried not to be too aware of it. It would be ridiculous to assign too much significance to the person she spent hundreds of hours with remembering things like her tree nut allergy or knowing that if he just talked absently long enough about recent medical studies in the locker room that eventually Rose would stop picking her cuticles and staring at the wall and actually leave the building. He would even walk her to her car, keeping her from getting stuck sitting on the bench outside the ER for another hour, perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It wasn’t like she was keeping track - maybe he had a whole mental diary of things about Frank’s intricacies and tendencies. He was certainly considerate of everyone she saw him interact with. Making people feel seen was easily something he could be commended on.

Rose couldn’t honestly tell you what it was about her that pulled him in. It wasn’t like she had launched a seduction plan. She had tried not to think about how his attention felt like warm sunshine and it was easier to leave the building when he was beside her. He was married though, so Rose had kept her thoughts and hands to herself. Even when she’d overheard the nurses discussing his separation and divorce proceedings. No one had any real intel, just that they’d heard him on the phone with a divorce attorney and a real estate broker for a new apartment.

The area was deeply grey when they’d finally crossed the line. Her separated-from-his-wife senior attending had closed the gap when they were a touch past tipsy at a bar across town. They’d been stranded by an ambulance that needed to leave them behind and their shift had been over anyway. The details of how they had ended up in the bar’s bathroom sort of escaped her, but the memory of the actual event was captured in stunning technicolor in her mind’s eye.

It was so much easier to sleep after a terrible shift when Rose was well fucked and beside someone who didn’t ask her if she was okay. Sometimes Robby asked it with his eyes, but they were sides of the same coin - of course neither of them were okay.

So for a few months, they stole nights together in her studio apartment, cooking dinner, turning on an audiobook, or listening to jazz records. She took comfort in his warm, quiet presence. Especially after long days of talking endlessly to people, neither of them much wanted to communicate verbally. So they didn’t most of the time. It was easy because neither of them wanted very much from the other.

A single close call had been enough to spook him though.

Robby was in her kitchen making a mushroom risotto when the resounding crack of IKEA particle board against her skull brought him running. “Jesus, shit, fuck, ah!” she hissed, her hand going to her hairline to catch the blood from dripping down her forehead. It broke the skin of her scalp and the resulting bump was already bruised.

“Shit, what happened?” Robby asked, gently nudging her hands away to look. Rose inhaled sharply as his fingers prodded and he murmured an apology as he tipped her head up. “It hit me in the head,” she said, clenching her jaw petulantly and making him raise his eyebrows.

“You need stitches. So we get to go back to work.” He hadn’t sighed but he also couldn’t hide the weary disappointment at the direction of their evening.

The night didn’t improve from there.

Rose slipped into an unused consult room while Robby grabbed a suture tray. He’d been caught by Dana though and even though Rose couldn’t hear through the door, the look shared between them made it clear the woman had not bought whatever answer Robby gave about what was going on.

More than that, the guilty look on Robby’s face spoke volumes. When he shut the door to the consult room behind him, he was Dr. Robby her boss again. It was amazing that just a half hour prior he had been making her dinner and now… he was going to very professionally stitch up her forehead and then quietly break her heart. It was almost like she could watch it happen in slow motion. He finished up the sutures and Rose cut him off before he could say anything. “Well at least I don’t have a concussion. Means I can head home and get to bed. Don’t need to worry about not waking up like Attila the Hun…” Rose trailed off, not making a good case for the lack of concussion. “So if you want to.. also head home. I would just see you tomorrow evening for the start of overnight shifts,” she added, offering him the exit that his posture was all but begging for.

“I think Attila the Hun died of a nosebleed in his sleep,” Robby replied, tying off the last knot. “You really should get some rest and if you have a headache tomorrow take the day.”

Rose nodded, allowing a soft laugh to leave her. What was she supposed to do? Be mean to him? He was protecting himself… his career… her career. To his credit though, he didn’t just speed down the shoulder to the exit. Robby caught her gaze and heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry to just...bolt. I let myself do this without thinking it through. And that’s not fair.”

Robby wasn’t an asshole though. He drove her home, got her settled and, once she was in bed, he cleaned up the mess of half made dinner and built the offending bookcase. The finished product standing beside her couch was the only real evidence that he’d been there at all come morning. That he’d ever been there, for that matter.

Something else to pack neatly away.

They went back to the vaguely defined boundaries that existed before the bathroom hook-up. Robby was still attentive at work, and Rose kept her head down and focused on her residency. That’s what they were really best at anyway. The work.

next

[tutanchanup]

About the curse and that it should be more destructive:

By a complete coincide some time ago I wrote a whole post about how from psychoanalytical view the curse would destroy your psyche even if the only thing it did was make you immortal and drink human blood

If anyone would be interested: here 😄

....I also came to the conclusion there that it wouldn't actually work this way on Vlad the Impaler in particular

Which is what we kinda see in Hellsing, isn't it?

At least I feel that Alucard is a totally different vampire than the others, and that the curse doesn't have this kind of influence on him (it's still destructive for him, but in a different kind of way than the others

-> it seems to me that instead of being drunk by power like the others, he's destroyed by the feeling that he's forsaken by God - which would be pretty in line for someone who grew up in the mediaeval super-religious era)

Hah, I can't believe that of all adaptations where they make Vlad the Impaler into a vampire, Hellsing seems to be the most historically accurate one 🤣. I mean compared to what we have... 😅 (don't get me wrong, there are tons of inaccuracies and it's also completely unhinged 😆...but all the other depictions I've seen are just much much worse - I don't know, is there any other adaptation where he isn't either an irresponsible maniak nor passive tragic hero? Be sure to let me know!)

...Even more than Hellsing maybe Hellsing Abridged - for the sole reason that Alucard there is not broken and subdued so much like the Alucard in original Hellsing, and he has a more trolling personality. And if you look at the personality of real Vlad the Impaler, he too was a sassy menace who liked to break the rules, and didn't really let anyone break him.

(Warning for those who watch me and don't know Hellsing nor it's parody, Hellsing Abridged - yeah, it's unhinged 😅. And if you try to watch Hellsing Abridged without knowing Hellsing first... maybe not a good idea 😅)

I would have dropped the whole virgin girl rule. Not only does it contradict itself in its own canon multiple times, not only is it a weak plot device, with weak disclaimers, but it's based largely on pop culture, and definitely not on Dracula. In Dracula, the horror is that anyone in the story can turn into a godforsaken version of themselves and have to deal with it. The Romanian First Mate commits suicide so he won't have a "worse" fate than death when he realizes that Dracula is the killer (paralleling Jonathan choosing to climb and fall to death rather than become one of the "semi-demons" by the Three). Dracula targets Mina to become a vampire, despite knowing she's been married for months. She's expected to turn Jonathan, since vampires first target their loved ones (see vampire Lucy beaconing Arthur). The poison doesn't operate differently based on sexual purity and gender. In fact, in Balkan folklore anyone who is not a prepubescent child can turn, hence why in rural Serbia and Bulgaria people would check any adult's grave every 3 and 7 years post-death. (7 because if a vampire went around undetected past that, they could leave their homeland and spread.)

On that note, I'd have given the consequences of vampirism to be more dire than "now you have sick superpowers and a liquid diet." There's a reason why that was the main horror instead of death.

YES. That's an excellent point. I've always thought that that was kind of bullshit; imo it was a cheap plot idea to get that scene with Seras and the Cheddar priest before Alucard arrives and does HIS whole virgin shtick. It does have a plot point later, where Integra starts to suspect about artificial vampires because of the ghouls they find being so young in age they shouldn't have become ghouls; it was an interesting plot point, but also the whole "a male vampire can only turn female virgin humans" and vice-versa thing is kinda bullshit because we literally have an intersex character in the show?? What kind of vampire would we need to turn Heinkel into one???

In the additional time we could've given Seras, we could've explored the nature of vampirism more. Maybe it changes you so fundamentally that you feel rotten and turned into a creature so vile you'd be repulsed. Maybe it makes you give into your deepest darkest wants; Seras is someone with a lot (and I mean a LOT) of internalized rage and trauma; what if the extremely violent and sadistic side we saw her get in her moments of bloodlust were what she could become if she wasn't careful? The Cheddar priest was a rapist and a mass murderer, the Bonny and Clyde vampires killed entire families in a power trip— is that what most people would become if they were infected? The idea of such destruction is terrifying; most people hold hidden resentment and power fantasies that they don't act upon because of obvious societal cohabitation and maturity. Imagine if everyone just started to act upon those unrealistic feelings of destruction and anger that all of us have. If I started to attack family members and loved ones because of some hidden anger and blame I feel, or tried to make them into That too. It'd be terrifying and truly something more than just "anthropophagic predator" and "liquid-based diet monster" imo.

[randomfusilier]

- Everclear :: Father of Mine

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

if Crozier had a nickel for every time someone close to him kept a mortal wound secret from him he'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's definitely enough to give him some very specific trauma for the rest of his life

[arihi]

I won’t go as far as to say sadness is self-obsession, but I will say that the most helpful thing my futureme letters did was create little snapshots into the past that I would read a whole year in the future and 1) hold empathy for, 2) realize that whatever was tearing me apart back then really wasn’t that big of a deal, and 3) honestly cringe a little at it. And that’s okay! Maybe I was super dramatic over this friend whose name I now barely remember. I was so worried about dropping this one uni class (that I read years in the future when I was already in law school). I was so wrapped up in myself that I couldn’t see a way out of the sad hole/spiral I flung myself into for no reason. So wrapped up in myself that I didn’t think of a me post-handling the issue. Maybe I was really sad and upset and I had a good reason to be, but maybe-not-maybe, maybe-for-real even, things wound up working out.

And maybe things I’m stressed and upset about now will wind up working out. Maybe this is a silly story or cute (in a slightly pitiful way) memory for a future version of myself. I know it’s of little comfort in the moment when you’re going through anxieties, but so much fretting comes out of stretching ourselves thin, into shapes and boxes that are really and genuinely not real, but when that clicks in your brain for the first time a lot of things start getting better.

Anyway this was going to be my Twitter post of the day but the character limit is so fucking small and here I can also ramble in the tags, so.

[austin-friars]

And what is with you guys always finding posts where people are trying to give Mary some nuance or depth, and turning it around and making it about Elizabeth or trying to excuse Elizabeth? You guys quite literally do this every time someone tries to give Mary a bit more nuance.

Mary isnt perfect; she is a religious zealot who burned hundreds of innocent people and destroyed her country. I'm not denying that at all. However, someone asked me my unpopular opinion on her portrayal in media and I gave it.

She is not perfect, and yes, she ruled shorter than Elizabeth; I'm quite certain if she ruled longer she would've killed more people. She proabably would've been very similar to Henry unless someone intervened. But I am still allowed to see her through a different perspective than how most media portrays her, that's not a crime.

And you guys do not have to come on every Mary positive post, or post where someone likes Mary and then hyperfocus on Elizabeth. I PURPOSELY avoided putting this in Elizabeth's tag because I didn't want to have to deal with Elizabeth fans derailing this.

And if i can fully admit that Mary was a terrible person/ruler toward the end of her life because she WAS then you can also do the same when it comes to Elizabeth, or at the very least shouldn't be upset when someone mentions that Elizabeth I was also an extremely violent person as well. She is not your best friend she was a queen and a monarch. And like ALL the Tudor monarchs, she was violent. Her ruling longer than Mary I doesn't somehow negate that she also sought power with violence. All these people you mentioned that Elizabeth executed, she still executed.

Violence committed by a monarch is still violence, regardless of how long she reigned. Both Mary and Elizabeth were EXTREMELY violent monarchs. Mary burned her own people, Elizabeth executed Jesuits - but if their deaths are not important enough to classify as valid as you , then I hope you at least care about what she did to the Irish, and how many died and suffered under her rule. She officially pushed England into the transatlantic slave trade, and many many many people died because of that. She also had a huge part in the genocide of the Americas wrt to getting England involved.

And why wouldn't she? She is a monarch? We are in 2025, we don't have to worship or excuse the literal Tudor monarchs. We can like these historical figures, without getting upset when someone points out that they have blood on their hands.

And lastly, I'm once again not saying that Mary I was the kindest, best or noblist ruler. But the same way you are all allowed to love and celebrate Elizabeth, despite her violence, we can do the same for Mary. And if you dislike Mary so much, then maybe don't go to posts where people do like her, and do see her in a more nuanced, kinder light. You can just ignore those people.

@suwerghmm

unpopular opinons but i'm asking you for them whats your least favourite depiction of your favourite tudor figures???

Oh I have a lot of feelings about this, but I'm just going to limit it to the big three. So that is, Mary Tudor, Thomas Cromwell and Stephen Gardiner and Anne of Cleves. Sorry because is going to be incredibly long.

1.) For Cromwell. I hate that a lasting 'description' of him, if you could call it such, is that he 'betrayed Anne Boleyn'. He didn't do that. Most people look at his relationship with Anne Boleyn through such a 21st century lens and the reality of it is that, it's not that simple. Claiming that he had Anne executed, or was the main reason for her being executed, is inaccurate because he didn't do that, Henry did that. Henry was the one who wanted false charges but on Anne, Henry was the one who wanted to shame and brand Anne as a type of traitor, harlot, what have you. Henry was the one who wanted her to be disposed of, so that he could marry Jane Seymour. The reason that Anne is dead, is because of Henry, not Thomas Cromwell. People always say that he could've "helped" her or spoken out for her, but why would he? Anne threatened to have Thomas executed months before, and that is when he began to view her as an enemy. Thomas knew the power she had, and did not take that lightly. He wasn't going to extend any grace to the person whom was his ally at one point, and then in a fit of anger, threatened to bring him and his family down and execute him.

"Oh, but she was mad at him because he was giving the money from the monasteries to himself and the king, rather than to the poor." First of all, that is also silly because while we can say that's true, the only reason the poor were having their money taken from them is because of the reformation Anne took an equal part in spearheading. We wouldn't be in this situation if there were was no reformation in the first place. And let's make it clear, that Henry was taking a vast majority of the money as well, so perhaps, Anne should have gone to Henry, the monarch, to ask him to give his portion to the poor, not Thomas. And Anne herself couldve also given the poor money as well.

So yeah, Cromwell being described as a traitor or whatever is so annoying. And then when people are like 'him getting beheaded is karma!' Karma for what? By that logical, Anne getting beheaded is karma for what happened with KoA

I'll put Mary and Stephen together since their toxic mother daughter coded.

2.) I'm not going to say that they were perfect, but let's not act like they weren't the victims of strict, anti-Catholic propaganda. Mary isn't perfect, but neither is any Tudor monarch, and still, she is held to a higher standard than her father or siblings. Yes, Mary I somehow gets far more hate than Henry VIII and I just don't understand. Out of both Elizabeth and Henry, Mary executed the least amount of people. This idea that burning people at the stake, or executing people for hearesy is unique to Mary is so surreal. Henry had 10,000 people executed for not accepting the new religion. Elizabeth also executed people on charges of hersey, in addition to having over 20,000 killed because they fought back against her policies. She also subjected Ireland to so much cultural genocide. But for some reason, Mary is the only one who is held up to any kind of unfair standard. And it's funny that the vast majority of the hatred for her doesn't start there, it starts from when she was a teenager. Not only do people hate her for not accepting Anne Boleyn as a step mother, and for not accepting that she was a bastard, they hate her for being abused. They hate that her being a victim of Henry, Anne, Nofrolk's and Anne Sheldon's abuse makes their favorite historical figures look bad - especially when it comes to making Anne Boleyn look bad. They hate when you tell them that Mary was essentially forced to be her sister's servant or care taker and that she didn't like it. People will argue up and down at how Mary was a spoiled brat for not accepting Anne Boleyn, and it's like...how would you guys act in that situation? It's ridiclous the unfair, and misogynstic standard Mary is held to today. The fact that she is called 'Bloody Mary' when she is the *least* bloodiest of her siblings is so unfair.

3.) And then there is Stephen. Most Tudor media goes out of its way to portray him somewhat more villainous or conniving than he was in real life. Yes, he was petty and he was known to be mouthy but that isn't really a reason to portray him as more villainous than Thomas More, or Thomas Cromwell? I loved Wolf Hall, but I absolutely hate the lasting and unfair impact Mantel left on him as a character, and due to years worth of Anti-Catholic propaganda, he's going to continue to be viewed as villainous for a long time. A lot of this has to do now, with his treatment of Thomas Cromwell. As if Thomas Cromwell wasn't also an aggressor in the fault in their relationship. Aside from taking Gardiner's job, Thomas was also ringing in the end of Catholicism as England knew it and that put Stephen in danger. A lot of contemporary Tudor media points out that Stephen went after Thomas for power, and that can be one reason. But another reason is religion, and Stephen seeing Thomas as a threat, because he had become one. Henry removing Stephen's position as secratary and then giving it to Thomas sent a clear message. It was also quite evident that Stephen was a secret Catholic, which could mean death. On top of that, Thomas also sent spies after Stephen while Stephen was in exile in France, to attempt to bring back information that Stephen was loyal to the pope, and if he found concrete evidence, Stephen wouldn't been executed for treason. He is no less conniving, sneaky, or dangerous than Cromwell, and what he did to Cromwell was done primarily out of self preservation, because in his mind, Cromwell could've had him killed, or at least, he could've put it in Henry's mind. I don't like that Cromwell is somehow seen as a moral compass when it comes to courtiers like Stephen, when they were both trying to survive, and if we're looking at who threw the first stone historically, it was Thomas. I clearly love these two, I like to write historical fiction focusing on a supposed relationship, but I don't like how Stephen's judged heavily on how he treated Thomas.

And then, there is the relationship between Wolsey and Stephen, that Mantel butchered. Wolsey and Gardiner remained LIFE LONG friend. Historically, both Wolsey and Gardiner were both lowborn, as was Cromwell....Idk why Mantel pushed this idea that Garinder hated people who were lowborn, and climbed from the bottom to the top, when he historically was like that and he was a bastard. Why would he hate Wolsey for being lowborn? Historically, Wolsey reached out to Gardiner toward the end of his life, and they kept consistent contact. Gardiner also took a large chunk of Wolsey's household and offered them wages. This was clearly a favor for Wolsey.

Personally, and just, run with me here, I think he was gay historically so the slander on him is ten fold just becaws of that. Right next to Gregory Cromwell.

4. And then lastly there's Anne of Cleves. My most controversial opinion is that I need people to stop calling her the 'lucky one', and I hate that people tend to look over how she may've been greatly offended by what happened with Katherine Howard (whom I love!). Yes, AoC survived, but only after months of ridicule, slander and rumors spread by Henry. She is described as the 'lucky one' only after being insulted astronomically by Henry. Yes, she got to be rich, she got to have lands, etc., but she didn't come to England for that. She came to England to be a queen, and to unite Germany and England.

Also being called the 'lucky one' came with so many caveats. Keep in mind, this was a twenty four year old girl. She probably wanted to marry, have children and at least, have a legacy. Because of what happened with Henry, that was not possible. Aside from Henry spreading rumors that she was ugly, even commenting on her nudity, and virginity, no many would be dumb enough to marry and have a child with Anne of Cleves. If she married and had a child, especially a son, it would've been seen as an insult to Henry and she'd very quickly be viewed as his enemy. So here we have a twenty four-five year old girl, who can't be married, or be a mother, all to please the ego of a king. And even her wealth came with a caveat; she couldn't leave England. She was essentially trapped there because if she left, all that power, that land, status, it would be gone. Henry wanted to trap her, he wanted to keep her there so she couldn't find a foreign husband and make another match that could potentially be a threat to him in the future. That is not a good life, that is not a good deal!

And lastly it is so overlooked at how she may've been offended by Katerhine Howard. Tudors did some MAJOR PR when they danced and while I don't doubt that she wasn't hateful toward Katherine, she was still the other woman. AoC is a noble princess, so scratch that she is royalty. What makes people thinks he happily tolerated her husband having an affair. She knew to be quiet and accept and annulment, but that doesn't mean she was happy about it. YES they danced at Christmas, even after Henry went to bed. But appearances meant everything back then, and AoC not only understood English court at that that time, but was also once again, a royal woman herself. She knew to keep face, so that rumors wouldn't spread. Katherine was also the queen at that point, she couldn't disrespect her in any way, so of course, she'd be cordial. But do people think she had so little self worth or love to the point where they act like she was happy and wholly loving toward the woman who took her position as queen, when AoC had literally left her home in order to be queen of England for politics?

4. )Honorable mention, Gregory Cromwell....if you get deep enough into Tudor circles, you see he was accused of buggary. Most people decide to claim he was either a rapist or cheated on his wife, however, the more likely outcome is that he was gay and caught with a man. So yeah technically he did cheat, but it's better than him being a rapist!!

Send me an unpopular opinion it can be about tudor era stuff, writing or hell even the last kingdom

[holybibly]

Hi Holy!

Let me just start this with saying that it absolutely baffles me how much hate you continue to get on here, because I've never seen you do or endorse anything hurtful or dangerous.

I'm not fully one of your bunnies, I sometimes drop by, because not all of your posts are for me - and i don't think people realise that THAT'S OKAY.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE THE TARGET AUDIENCE FOR EVERYTHING.

Just like me - don't interact with posts that contain something you're not hundred percent comfortable with, interact with those you like. It's as easy as that.

There's another blog on here that gets a lot of hate for being super open about all kinds of sexual kinks and other similar things, who interacts with their fans in a similar way, and I said it then and I will say it now.

Blogs like yours are INCREDIBLY important to many people who struggle with their sexual identities. I suffered sexual abuse when I was a kid, and I grew up in a place that made me really uncomfortable with my sexual identity. For years I've struggled with my fantasies and kinks, feeling ashamed and humiliated. UNTIL i found blogs like yours that were so incredibly open, who accepted kinks that people might have troubles talking about, and if it weren't for interacting with communities like yours, I'd have never accepted myself the way I did.

I think it's absolutely amazing that you create a safe space for people to share and be themselves, because I guarantee many people in your audience find themselves drawn here thanks to the acceptance and openness about sex and sexuality.

Sex is natural, kinks are natural, sexual fantasies are natural. The shame helps no one.

I will never understand the kind of person that comes into a safe space and tries to destroy it. It doesn't hurt YOU and it helps so many others, just move on. Click away. Find a different blog. Leave people alone.

Sincerely, a grateful lurker.

Oh my God, I see the light shining down from the sky. I've been waiting for a post like this because you've said everything I'm trying so hard to explain here.

Sometimes I feel like I'm literally forcing you to read my stories at gunpoint. I agree with every word you say, if something doesn't work for you, move on, enjoy your life, spread positivity and understanding, not hate and abuse.

I feel like some people just aren't mature enough to communicate openly with anyone, and they have nothing better to do than organise witch hunts and spew lies and venom.

[lia404]

"Ai, living has no answer."

"When we're in pain, we search for an answer to feel better. A concise, absolute answer. But if you really want an answer… it's that there is no answer. There are no absolute in this world. Even if we think there is, in the end, it'll only make us feel better for a moment.

If there are no absolute, then what's left?

Bonds. Bonds between individuals. Bonds between one another. That's all there is.

That also changes with time. A huge trigger can cause a huge change. Bonds may be severed. But new bonds can also be formed. So living is a series of bonds.

That's what life is.

I have to do that forever?

Yes.

That's a lot of work.

Yeah.

I'd need to be so strong.

That's why people become stronger. That occasionally leads to conflicts. But even if that happens, we have to keep fighting. Keep searching for bonds, even if there's no answer.

You can't rush living."

So I saw on MyFigureCollection that October 13 was maybe possibly Yusaku's birthday, although I couldn't find any reliable source for this. I'd have loved to do something nice and light-hearted for the occasion, but I'm still feeling too strongly about it all. So here you are instead: Happy (maybe) Birthday, Yusaku! Please have some trauma to go with your trauma. Here's to another year of fending off expectations and looking for your own life and its non-answers with eyes wide open and always filled with hope.

[docmerlin]

public perception on illness has shifted so far that people think i'm insane for not wanting to hug them when they're visibly sick but if they see a medical mask in any context they freak the fuck out

[ravio-the-cabinet-man]

internet stop reminding me of the divine beast SOS music theory thing. it makes me sad!!!!

[twilightichor]

𝐂𝐋𝐗𝐈𝐈. Concerning the insurrection in Khaenri'ah by the military faction and the citizens that were brave to join the cause to put a stop to the deplorable situation the kingdom was facing because of the people that obsessed too much over the Abyss, Dain was one of the Black Serpent Knights that fought for the improvement. Being in constant touch with royalty and aristocracy and his own observations as a knight made it difficult for him to not realize that something sinister was boiling down in regards of the Abyss, and to have suspicions that certain events that jeopardized the citizens' safety were directly related to those who tampered too much with the Abyss. To him, everyone was a Khaenri'ahn no matter if pure-blood or not, as his last order during the cataclysm was to protect everyone at all cost, no matter if royalty, nobility or otherwise.

[artemisdesari-blog]

A writer friend told me something that broke my heart a little bit today; they're going to quit publishing their fanfic.

My instant thought was that they had been trolled or attacked or that something terrible had happened in their life because this person is so passionate about their writing. It wasn't any of that. Engagement with their works has been going down, as it has for many of us. Comments are like gold dust a lot of the time, and just looking through the historical comment counts on old fics on ao3 demonstrates this trend very clearly. It was not simply the comments dropping off which caused them to decide to stop posting, however.

My friend came across a discord server for their fandom (I should point out here that their fandom interest and mine diverged a couple of years ago, we stay in touch but don't currently read each other's posts because I'm not into their fandom and they would rather gouge their eyes out with a wooden spoon than read anything Star Wars) and specifically to share fic in that fandom. They joined, because we all love a good fic rec, only to discover that their latest multichapter fic, which has almost no comments and very few kudos, is being hotly discussed in this server as one of the best stories ever. Not one of these people has bothered to say this to them on the fic. When they asked, none of participants could see the point in telling the author of the fic they apparently loved so much that they love it.

This discovery has absolutely destroyed my friend's love of sharing fic. They share because they love seeing other people's enjoyment, and fic writers do that through comments and kudos/reblogs/likes because we don't get paid. There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.

Those people on that server could have taken five minutes of the time they spent gushing about how amazing my friend's story was to other people and used it to tell the one person guaranteed to want to hear that praise how much they loved it. They could have taken a moment to express their opinion to the person who spent hours upon hours plotting, writing, editing, and posting those chapters. Instead, they deprived my friend of thing that keeps them sharing their writing, and in the process have killed their love of it. My friend now feels used and unmotivated.

I won't be sharing a link to their fic, they said I could share their experience but not their identity. I know they plan to post one final chapter. I know they intend to express their hurt at being excluded from the praise for the thing they created, and I know they intend to announce that as a consequence they will not be posting for a long while, if at all.

So please, I beg you, don't hide your love of a story from the writer. It's just about the only thing we have.