#stop ill cry. im emotionally vulnerable rn.

[ravio-the-cabinet-man]

internet stop reminding me of the divine beast SOS music theory thing. it makes me sad!!!!

[leviackermanscleaningbuddy]

IM SORRY BUT CHANGBIN IS STILL AN ASSHOLE I STAND BY MY POINT 😭 I STILL HUNGER FOR THE SCENE OF INEVITABLE GETTING THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF HIM BY FELIX AND CHAN because. dude got forgiven way too easily. while I get his viewpoint, nothing really excuses the emotional hurt he inflicted on noona yOU DONT HURT THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE LIKE THAT 😤 and why is he all joking at the end like he didn't throw noona into an emotional hellfire two days ago 😭😭😭

OK IM SORRY ILL STOP RN. I am way more emotionally invested in this than I should be, I know. I'm sorry if my reactions are excessive hahshsj,, it's just, for some reason every time I read your updates on the skz pack angst I somehow coincidentally do it in a day where I'm feeling very emotionally vulnerable, and it just amplifies all the emotions from the fic 😭😭😭 I felt like I just got stabbed in the chest huhuhu look at the power of your words and immaculate writing.

ALRIGHT BYE ILL GO CRY INTO MY PILLOW I HOPE YOU HAD AN AMAZING DAY!!!

Okay, first off, don't think this response is belitting your feelings or replies at all BECAUSE THAT IS NOT MY INTENTION IN THE SLIGHTEST.

I feel you. I honestly do. I made myself mad with Changbin when I wrote these chapters honestly and I totally get where you're coming from.

However.

Back to the whole, characters have to fuck up sometimes because they're human thing, that also bleeds into apologies.

Now, this only goes for if the person is *actually* sorry about what they've done and won't do that shit again (NEVER EVER GIVE A CHRONIC ABUSER LEE WAY FOR SHITTY APOLOGIES) but sometimes, if we love someone, we have to realize that their apology may not be exactly what we had pictured in our head.

We can't control the way people show they're sorry or make amends, and sometimes, if you truly care about a relationship, you have to accept the apology at face value, let go of your previous notions on how you think they *should* have apologized, and move forward.

Sometimes, we think we know how others think and are going to behave, and that's what screws over our relationships, because they're not living up to our expectations, even if they are truly trying or are sorry for what was done, if we hold them to our perfect standard in our head, there's no room for growth.

I feel like Changbin could've done a better job at apologizing, but the fact stands that he did, right? And she accepted and hopefully, the relationship grows from this and learns. <3

[green-pine]

Meh what can i say

I cant even draw that much lately

I feel like a black dot in a infinite whitespace

Im so confused and apathetic

Im tired all day, But im still eating normally so im not feeling down at least. Im afraid i dont feel anything, anything deep at least. Im not sad rn, im just confused.

I got really sad this morning when i woke up, i started crying...im starting to feel very lonely again, but this time ive realized ive got no one to go to, no toxic ex, no friend, nothing.

I should be looking for someone new but im too emotionally vulnerable rn, im scared im going to be used again.

Its been one year since this artwork i made, its title "sex doll". I guess it still represents me somehow. Days are going by so quickly, im losing myself in each one of them, they are blurry and they melt together, they mean nothing. I spend them being somewhat detached from them, like im not really living them, as if they were just in my mind all the time.

But again, im not feeling extremely sad or anything, im just empty and i feel like i should kill myself, but i know deep down thst i wont bc im too curious, curiousity has always been my problem, it always backlashed. Some minor things happen and i get too curious to see how they will end. Sometimes i wonder if im still the person i used to be, and i think i am somehow, but at the same time im not. Im definetly less stressed than i previously was when it comes to my future, mainly bc i accepted that its probably gonna suck, or that im not gonna have one at all. Maybe ill kill myself before ill ever have one. Im not motivated anymore, i have this feeling of emptiness and loneliness that blocks me. When i was younger i had so many big dreams and a strong motivation to achieve them, i didnt need anyone, now i need someone.

I have some good friends yes, but they cannot fulfill that type of loneliness.

Im so angry at times, i think about what happened to me, how i let people treat me like shit and never did anything bc it was pointless, but the pain remains.

None of this writing makes big sense its just a stream of thoughts im having.

It sounds dumb as fuck, i wanna go to sleep

I spend the whole day just waiting for that

I should kill myself

There is no point in living anymore

Kill myself

Kill myself

Empty

Nothing

No desire

Nothing

Im detached

Nothing feels

Nothings real

I dont like anything anymore

I just function

Im a machine

Terminate me pls

End me

End me

Idiot

Idiot

Idiot

Delusional fuck

Idiot

What are you hoping for

Kill youself

Stop the game

You can do that at anytime

Find your joy

In the absense of pain

Kill youself

Slit your wrist

Your neck

Killl it

Die

Die

Die

Die