#this post is a lie btw i am not being brave about it :)

[leofrith]

the final chapter of eivor's story might be an absolute shit show and my worst nightmare for her character but i am being so so brave about it :)

[s-brant]

Cherry Bowl (3/8)

(gif: @kiekiecarrera) (PART TWO) (PART FOUR) (SERIES MASTERLIST)

Summary: When Kie cancels their plans together, Y/N asks JJ on a date to the Cherry Bowl Drive-In. Unsure of how to navigate his first ever date, JJ seeks out advice. Unfortunately, the night doesn’t go as planned, and both parties are left shaken by miscommunication.

Word Count: 10.6k

Warnings: Smut, public sex/exhibitionism, sexual choking, angst, depictions of mental illness, post-traumatic stress disorder, and implied/referenced abuse.

A/N: Welcome back to Tokens! Slight trouble in paradise is brewing for these two lovers, so buckle up and read because it’s gonna be a rollercoster for a little while after what happens in this chapter. I hope you all like it, and if you did, feedback is very appreciated. Have fun!

"I'm just saying that oatmeal raisin is superior to chocolate chip, why is that such an egregious crime, Kie?"

The lunch room is filled to the brim with students going to town on questionably cooked frozen foods, soggy tater tots, and sugary drinks from the vending machines despite the Obama-era posters on the walls advocating for healthier school lunches that never seemed to make their way to Kildare County High. The extent of their healthy lunches extended to a serving of overcooked canned green beans served with the worst slice of doughy pizza known to human kind, so it was sort of contradictory.

Y/N sits across the table from Pope and JJ, the latter of which being the one who launched into a full-fledged debate with Kiara about which type of cookie was better.

The clear cling wrap sits, unfolded, on the table with one of her stickers neatly placed on the back of it. As consolation for his epic loss yesterday at the beach, she paid an extra .75 cents to get him it when she arrived first to their shared lunch period—one of only two class periods they have together, the other being gym. He was still in line when she peeled a surfboard sticker off of her sheet and placed it at the center of the wrapped up cookie as if to remind him of her triumph over him in the waves.

"Thanks, hot stuff," he said, voice somewhat quieter despite the fact that hardly anyone was in the cafeteria with them. Then his smile dropped into an deadpan expression as soon as he saw her choice of sticker and looked back up at her. "You're never gonna let me live that one down, are you?"

"Never in a million years. I'll be gloating about it until I'm elderly."

"That's my girl."

The sound of the constant chatter surrounding them from at least two hundred other people drowns out the memories of yesterday that threaten to haunt her when she watches him debate with Kie. The mere recollection of their night in the back of the van has her reaching to pull the collar of her cropped tee up to assure that the hickeys remain hidden on instinct, and he catches the action out of the corner of his eye. It has him fighting a smile.

Kie quips, "Maybe on another planet, but, here, I think we can all agree chocolate chip is better, right Y/N?"

Y/N's eyes widen around a forkful of mushy "green beans" at the sound of her name being said bringing her from the depths of her memories.

Usually, she's quick to jump in and give her two cents on whatever stupid back and forth they're all having, but her mind was elsewhere. Unbeknownst to Kie and Pope, she was mentally reliving every second of getting fucked in the van last night, so her attention to detail when it comes to the Chocolate Chip vs Oatmeal Raisin case isn't all too sharp.

"Uhhh," she stops for a second, looking at the half eaten chocolate chip cookie in Kie's hand, "If I say chocolate chip is better, can I get a piece of it?"

Kie's face lights up at her words, and she's already pulling off a generous chunk of the baked good to hand off to her. The sound of a certain someone whose lap Y/N's legs are outstretched onto from beneath the table scoffing distracts her from the first bite.

"I know you prefer oatmeal raisin, you traitor," JJ says.

Their brunette friend's brows scrunch.

"Why is she a traitor?"

They try to keep from making any faces or giving anything away, but Y/N has to stifle the sound of her choking on her mouthful of cookie at the question. You'd think one of them came out and asked if they were dating or something with how she reacts, and she feels JJ squeeze her ankle in a non-verbal way of telling her to hold it together. It was her idea in the first place, yet he's a lot smoother with keeping it under the radar.

Under it all, the aspect of keeping it a secret does unnerve him to a degree. He doesn't think he'd be brave enough to communicate it, especially not when their relationship remains undefined, but the darker side of his mind wonders...

He shrugs, saying, "Cause we were friends first. Duh. Other than John B, I've known her the longest."

None of them stop to acknowledge the identical aches in their hearts at the mentioning of his name. They skip right over it like it never happened. After the funeral a few days ago, they've filled their quota on mushy-gushy sad talk for the next week and a half.

The real reason is something far more complicated than him having a claim staked on her loyalty through having the longest friendship. It's something tied up in days of slowly getting pulled into one another's worlds like the tug of gravity itself, in how he has to refrain from slipping his arm around her waist in the hallway or kissing her goodbye after a sleepover at the Chateau. But until she gives him the go-ahead, he won't let it slip to anyone.

Pope speaks up from beside him, "You literally met her twenty minutes before we did."

"Still counts. Technically, I did meet her first, so her betraying Team Oatmeal Raisin is enough to be tried for treason in Pogue Court."

"Pogue Court isn't a thing."

He crosses his arms after he pops the rest of the cookie into his mouth.

"It is now. You can be tried for treason for breaking the rules. Rule number one is that all Pogues have to admit oatmeal raisin is superior."

He's about to ball up the cling wrap to throw away later when the surfboard sticker catches his attention again. It's the same color as his board, which he'd like to think is a result of her being an evil mastermind that went out to get this sticker sheet for the sole purpose of teasing him, but he's the one who got her the sheet as a gift for her birthday, so he knows it was pure coincidence.

Last second, he peels the sticker away from the cling wrap and looks down to place it over the top of her yellow converse that were once a vibrant, paler color when Big John got them for her, but have since turned into an ugly mustard/dirt-dusted color they heckle her over.

"What are the other rules?" Y/N asks.

One of the hands holding onto where her feet are casually planted in his lap, something that they've done long enough that their friends won't see it as anything odd, slides down to caress the stretch of skin beneath the frayed hem of her dark jeans. Something she didn't know about him before whatever it is they have together started was that he constantly needs to be touching her. She can't say she doesn't love it though.

Pope answers, "The oatmeal raisin rule is not official"—a pointed glance at JJ—"But I'd assume the rest of the rules of Pogue Court would be no lying and no macking."

"So, basically you two break almost every rule except the oatmeal raisin one, and I lie," JJ says and turns to look at her, "How does it feel to be better than everyone, Y/N?"

"Pretty good, not gonna lie."

He keeps caressing little circles and tracing up and down her skin beneath the flared out pant leg of her jeans while he swipes his phone off of the table top without attracting the attention of their friends, who continue on to a new topic. She isn't too focused on what it is. She only picks up that it has something to do with a class they're in that's more advanced that hers, so she promptly checks out of the conversation.

Ever since John B died, she hasn't been performing too well in school. She tries, truly tries, but her mind outright refuses to absorb any of the information. When she reads her assigned reading, she hovers over the same paragraphs over and over until she shuts the book in a huff and hides it in her backpack again. Losing someone you love has a surprising amount of side effects.

Her phone buzzing in her hand brings her away from the impending cloud of doom that often accompanies any thoughts of John B, and when she taps in her passcode, her brother's birthday, a message bubble appears with a banner displaying JJ's contact name.

JJ (Derogatory) ur a good liar. prob could've fooled me if i weren't the one macking on u

Their eyes meet for a second across the table, then he watches her thumbs move to type a response.

Kief Princess Little do they know I break every rule now that I've switched sides on the cookie debate. Kinda impressive ngl.

JJ (Derogatory) triple threat, baby

JJ (Derogatory) thanks for the cookie btw

She smiles to herself, so wrapped up in their own world that she doesn't notice everyone in the room starting to pack up their stuff in anticipation of the bell that is due to ring any second now.

Kief Princess Had to repay you for last night somehow ;)

When she glances up to see his reaction, she watches his chest rise with a particularly large inhale, and he chews on the inside of his lip in thought.

JJ (Derogatory) strategically bringing up last night so i'm turned on in physics? ur an evil mastermind

Kief Princess I try.

Kief Princess Apparently whooping your sorry ass at surfing isn't the only thing I'm good at.

She hears him scoff.

JJ (Derogatory) first of all, ouch. second, u barely beat me

Kief Princess I'm happy to challenge you to a rematch. I have plans with Kie tonight, so I can't till this weekend. All it'll prove is that I am the rightful winner, but we knew that already.

JJ (Derogatory) what r the stakes this time

Kief Princess No sexual favors. If you beat me (fat chance) I'll formally rejoin team oatmeal raisin.

JJ (Derogatory) :( sex makes it more fun but i still accept those conditions

JJ (Derogatory) team oatmeal raisin needs u, even if ur a traitor

Kief Princess Why bet sexual favors if you're just gonna fuck me after anyway?

JJ (Derogatory) good point

The sound of the bell ringing echoes through the cafeteria, and they both pop their heads up from their phone screens to see everyone, including Pope and Kie, already packed up and raising from their seats to scurry off in the direction of their next classes. Meanwhile, their stuff is all bestrewn across the table, particularly JJ's belongings.

The sight of Kie walking away makes Y/N ask after her, "We're still on for tonight, right?

She stops with Pope's hand interwoven in hers. The look on her face when she turns would make you think she got caught doing something she wasn't meant to. Something like forgetting about the plans they made last week to watch Fear Street together. The Cherry Bowl Drive-In is premiering the first two movies as a double feature for the horror movie buffs of Kildare, so they decided to get tickets. Kiara shares a fondness of horror movies with her. Since gory movies make the boys squirm, though JJ pretends they don't, it's their own thing.

"Actually, Pope and I were gonna go to the beach. I'm sorry."

JJ knows she's more upset about it than she lets on, but Y/N simply gives the pair a smile that doesn't reach the eyes.

The sound of JJ behind her makes them laugh on their way out, diffusing the minor tension lingering in the air from the awkward encounter, "Use protection!"

After their friends offer them a goodbye, they gather their stuff quite leisurely, not really caring about being late.

It's something they've talked about before here or there: her feelings surrounding Kiara and Pope's sudden relationship. It's not as if she harbors any ill feelings for them, she doesn't, but the ripple effects of their pairing on the group, and more importantly the girls' own friendship, couldn't be clearer from her perspective. Between the missed hangouts, forgotten plans, and the convenient way she never seems to have time to hang out with her and JJ unless Pope is there too, it's been building up for a month now.

What makes it sting the most is how close her and Kie used to be. They didn't hit it off immediately the way she and JJ did as children until her thirteenth birthday when no one she invited showed up to the party Big John helped her set up in the yard of the Chateau.

She was the one who rallied the boys together to walk to ask their school friends from the year above to come hang out for an hour or two, promising a slice of the wonky-looking but delicious strawberry cake her and John B spent the morning crafting together. She can remember the sound of their high-pitched laughs and the cloud of flour that hung in the kitchen when they high-fived over the finished product like it was yesterday. In her heart, it was yesterday.

That night was when she fell in love with her friends, and that was when she first knew Kiara was her best friend. They wove friendship bracelets on each other that night and wore them for years until they withered away. No one had ever done something like that for her before. Not even JJ.

"You okay?"

Feeling his hand on her arm, slipping down to take her hand for a moment in the seclusion of the empty cafeteria, makes her glance up at him with a distinct sorrow washed over her features.

You know what? Screw this. Why should she be torn up over Kie and let it ruin her excitement for the double feature tonight? There's no way in hell she's letting her best friend ditching her for her boyfriend get in the way of her plans.

"Do you wanna go on a date tonight?" she asks him abruptly, then adds, "To the Cherry Bowl with me instead of Kie?"

The question sparks a pause in his mind, a halt of hesitation in which he worries about her avoiding having to answer what he asked, but he attempts to play it cool and not fuss over her outwardly. There have been times where being treated like that has made her feel suffocated, so he doesn't want to risk it. When she's ready, she'll talk about it, and if she takes too long and buries her feelings, then he'll intervene. For now, he tries to keep his face neutral despite the frown tempting his lips at her disappointment.

JJ looks around once more before throwing his arm around her shoulder to walk her out.

"You bet your ass I do."

What is a person supposed to act like on their first date that's not actually a date cause everything between them is the same, but kinda is a date because they called it one? If you ever find out, please find JJ and tell him because he has no clue.

Pope wasn't too much help in the Instagram group chat he made for it seeing as his and Kie's relationship is too fresh, John B isn't even alive, so he's out of service for advice unless there's Ouija Board he can borrow, and, thankfully, Kiara was his savior.

Their phones began blowing up as soon as he reached his class after lunch period ended. He couldn't under any circumstances let it be known that this mystery girl he had a date with was their friend, but thankfully Y/N already had the alibi of going to the Drive-In alone. All he had to do was make up a fake date scenario and get basic advice.

danknugstickiestickies added kiara-c and popeheyward to the groupchat

danknugstickiestickies named the group HELP ME

danknugstickiestickies i have a date with this chick i met on the beach when i was out with y/n last week. i need ur advice

His phone screen lit up with the notification that both of his friends were typing, signified with the three dot symbol bouncing in the bottom left corner as he thought it through. They couldn't possibly figure it out, right? They'd been careful, he'd been respectful of her wishes, and they'd been too busy together to notice anything new with them. He figured it would work. It was a risk, sure, but it was worth it to him. He didn't want to fuck this up with her.

Knowing her, she probably wouldn’t even treat it differently than any of their other hang outs. It's not like they haven't been romantic or sexual with each other. They've done everything but go out on an actual date, so why was he nervous?

kiara-c ummmm

popeheyward Yeah, I'm gonna need you to ELABORATE!!

kiara-c did hell freeze over? since when does jj maybank go out on dates??

danknugstickiestickies renamed the group hell froze over

kiara-c very funny, I'm laughing so hard 😐

popeheyward Do we know her?

danknugstickiestickies don't think u do. she moved here last week and hasn't enrolled in school yet. her name's steph

popeheyward What about Y/N though?

kiara-c ^^

JJ's chest muscles tightened with the question prompting a rush of anxiety that made his breathing feel slightly harder. He glanced up at his Physics teacher, who was essentially dozing off behind his desk with his hand in a bag of chips and an educational video on the projector as an excuse to not teach, and looked back down at his phone without the added stress of possibly getting his phone confiscated.

Pope's message might as well have been a sucker punch. Forget butterflies, he set a wasp’s nest loose inside of his stomach to tie it into knots and flip it every which way. His neglected textbook served as a prop for his phone to lean on as he set it down to think.

Did they know? As far as he was aware, they were getting away with it. No evidence, concrete or circumstantial, was there to prove it. At least the stress of the situation killed any chance of him being turned on by her reminder of last night in their messages. This shit was boner repellant of the highest degree.

He played stupid. Better to let them volunteer whatever information they had before he went in saying anything incriminating that they didn't already know. If anything would sour the experience of their first date, it would be him accidentally making their strange in-between relationship public behind her back.

danknugstickiestickies ?? what do u mean

Three dots bounced in the bottom left corner of his slightly cracked phone screen.

popeheyward ...

kiara-c I mean, you don't see it?

danknugstickiestickies see what

popeheyward I guess we were wrong, but all of us always thought you two had some feelings going on.

"You don't say?" JJ murmured sarcastically to himself under his breath. "Never crossed my mind, Pope."

danknugstickiestickies bro that's jb's little sister

kiara-c so?

danknugstickiestickies forbidden fruit? making john b roll over in his grave? do those ring a bell or am i speaking in tongues

He was already a proficient liar in real life, but, fuck, it was easy in text messages. There's no chance at deciphering facial expression or tone, just a plain message with no room to budge. Thank God he didn't do this in person with them. He could've survived, but it wouldn't have been as quick and painless as the group chat was.

kiara-c jeez, sorry

Pope didn't voice it, but he noticed something.

He looked up from his phone and stared off at the wall in thought in his AP European History class. It piqued his interest that JJ simply said she was off limits, forbidden fruit as he put it, but did not outright deny having feelings for her. In fact, he didn't even address the question. He made excuses for why he shouldn't have feelings for her, but he never said he didn't have feelings for her.

Kie did not notice. Not because she wasn't smart enough to either, but because she was too busy hiding her phone behind her backpack to think too deeply about it. Her teacher was one of those teachers that would flip shit if they saw a cell phone turned off and faced down on the desk, let alone being used by a student during a lesson.

In his classroom across the hallway, JJ bounced his leg up and down beneath his desk in an absentminded urge to release the built up energy the anxiety produced in an over abundance.

popeheyward Our bad then. Even John B thought y'all were sus lmao.

Since when was that a known fact? Could he tell? Did he talk to Pope about him and Y/N before he died? Either way, it wasn't the time to pry about it.

kiara-c yeah you guys honestly could've fooled me if you wanted to

danknugstickiestickies well thank u, glad ur invested in our friendship but

danknugstickiestickies please help, i have no fucking clue how to act on a date and this girl is too cool for me to screw this up

That was when they finally dropped the interrogation session and started offering up tips. The best ones came from Kie, which made sense to him since women are more likely to know what other women like than two dudes who share one collective brain cell and never had real relationships.

Rule One: Be ready to pick her up five minutes early.

He wasn't ready to pick her up five minutes early. His bike broke down by the time he made it halfway down his street, so he had to push it back up the road and into the yard before setting off on foot to reach the Chateau quickly enough. And by quickly enough, it means he got there five minutes late, not early.

Rule Two: Compliment her after you get in the car.

She tossed him the keys to the Twinkie from across the hood, not giving him the chance to open the door for her, and it wasn't until they were setting off down the road that he remembered the next piece of advice he was given.

Side-eyeing her in his peripheral vision, he tried to find something to compliment her on specifically rather than the general compliments about her being pretty that she never fully believes when he says them. He was intending to say something about the skirt she had on, but when he chanced a glance over at her, she caught him and asked—

"What is it?"

Sent into panic mode, JJ blurted out instead, "I like your shoes."

He could've bashed his face against the steering wheel twenty times right then and there at the utter absence of reaction on her part for the next few uncomfortable seconds. It wasn't that it was a bad compliment. She appreciates any compliments at all...but her shoes were hidden from his view. Not to mention, they were the dirty, mustard yellow converse that the Pogues bash on a daily basis.

She laughed, lifting her leg to expose the sneaker on her right foot, and asked, "These? Dude, you roast me for these all the time. You and John B said they look like Big Bird shit on them."

The skin on the apples of his cheeks scorched hot with embarrassment, and he was never so glad that the overhead lights in the van were burnt out until that moment. He would've died on the spot if she saw him blush like that, face flushed pinker than sunburn. All he could do to save himself was murmur something about the color growing on him and keep driving in the direction of the theater with his hands white-knuckling the steering wheel he fantasized about banging his face into.

Rule Three: Insist on picking up the check.

In this case, it meant insist on buying the popcorn and drinks, and he miraculously managed to drop his wallet somewhere along the way when he ran over to the Chateau, so when he stepped up to the makeshift concession stand with her standing at his side, he felt around for his wallet in his jeans to no avail.

His thoughts echoed back to him, You gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously? Is this actually happening right now?

"JJ, it's honestly fine," she said softly as he leaned over to search back of the Twinkie for the wallet. "We can look for it on your street right now if you want. It has your ID and stuff, you don't want a stranger to have that. We don't need to stay—"

It took all of his control to not shout it in reaction when he said, "No way. You've been waiting for this, and Kie ditched you, so I ain't ditching you too. We're staying."

His wallet could go kick rocks.

He came too far to be dragged down by the old leathery piece of shit anyway. Would he go out and search for it tirelessly the second the date ended? Hell yeah, that fucker had twenty dollars and his debit card in it, but he couldn't bear the thought of abandoning her or ruining her anticipated movie night by taking her out to search the streets with their phone flashlights for a wallet they might not find. He'd wait till the movies ended, take her home, then haul ass around the Cut searching for it after.

Thankfully, he found a couple bucks crumbled up in his front pocket while she scavenged for coins in the glove compartment, and they came up with enough to buy a water bottle and small popcorn to share together.

Rule Four: Don't have sex on the first date.

And it may sound easy enough to not act like a complete Neanderthal for the length of two movies, but the girl makes it pretty damn difficult if he's to say so himself.

That's what led him here, laying in the back of the sideways-parked Twinkie in the farthest corner of the outdoor theater with her practically on top of him. In any other instance, he wouldn't be opposed in the slightest, but with the cursed fourth rule in mind, he isn't too thrilled with the feeling of her hand rubbing up and down his thigh.

It isn't even meant to be sexual. They're constantly touching one another this way. She'll even slip her hands up under his shirt just to feel the warmth of his skin or when he asks her if she can get an itch on a part of his back he can't reach, but for some reason his brain is short circuiting right now.

The thing is, when Kie and Pope said he shouldn't do it on the first date, they meant it for his and Steph's made up circumstances, not his and Y/N's full-blown relationship without labels. When you've had sex with someone as many times as they have with each other, the hesitancy on the "first date" is nonexistent. It doesn't matter. But JJ, trying to follow the advice given to him to the letter for the sake of being the date she deserves, doesn't think about it that way.

It shouldn't be this nerve-wracking. They've been best friends since they were children, they've been flirting since they found out what basic attraction was in the first place, and they've been forming this relationship ever since John B died. Why can't he relax? Why is this so different compared to how easy it felt between them yesterday on the beach or today at lunch?

Rule Five: Be yourself.

It takes him another few moments of laying here with her before he realizes quite abruptly what went wrong in a quick flash of a thought that brings the fifth rule back to him. The problem wasn't the bike, or the weird compliment about her Big Bird sneakers, or the lost wallet.

The problem is him. The problem is that he's trying way too hard to make this something it isn't. The part about them that he adores so dearly is how they never have to try when they're together. With any other girl or guy, they'd have to fake something or act a certain way, yet when they're together, they can simply exist and everything is runs smoothly. That's not to say they don't disagree or bump heads, they do, but short of those outlier moments, it's easier than anything else they do in life.

His eyes flicker away from the screen for the first time since the movie began, which, by the way, is gruesome enough at times that he had to divert his eyes to prevent himself from seeing it happen. They land on where she lays, completely content with the night in spite of its mishaps, with her head propped up on the pillows they brought from the Chateau.

He wonders if she can tell he's acting differently. Surely she must notice. She's the type of person that typically never misses a thing, perfect for the gold hunt they went on in the summer with picking up the clues and helping her brother unravel the mystery, so maybe she noticed how flustered this date has him. Does it bother her? Does he bother her?

With a confirming glance back up at the movie to see nothing important happening, he can't fight the urge to speak anymore.

"Can I tell you something?"

His voice appearing through the darkness of the shut off van after spending the past half hour in complete silence makes her jolt at first before realizing who it was. Though she loves horror movies, she can't claim to not be affected by them. The night she falls asleep after watching one, she often finds herself compelled to turn a light on and keep her feet from dangling off the edge of the bed. It's worth the fear, though.

When she turns to look at JJ, there's a warm smile on her face. She's cuddled into his side with a hand placed casually atop his thigh, caressing with no purpose or intent, and her movement halts when the light from the movie on the projector allows her to see the expression on his face.

Anxiety has become an increasingly significant presence in his life with the recent events in mind; John B and Sarah, the four-hundred million dollars they lost out on, and dodging his father whenever he sneaks home to switch out the backpack of clothes and personal belongings he keeps at the Routledge house.

It manifests itself in jittery nerves, stomach pains, shortness of breath, and, at worst, panic attacks striking either at random or in response to a specific trigger. It's one of the few things he still tries to hide from her, and she tries not to push him too hard with opening up about it.

She abandons the movie for the time being and rolls onto her side to face him, upper body propped up on her elbow as she examines his face with downturned features.

"Of course," she says.

The words left unsaid are, "You can tell me anything. Whenever you need someone to listen, or to talk to about shit, you can tell me." He's heard her say it enough that he doesn't need to hear it now to know it's true.

There's a pause, then—

"I feel like I fucked this entire date up," he starts to ramble and cuts her off before she can think about saying what she wants to, "and I know it's okay to you. You have way too high of a tolerance for my bullshit, and I've been trying so hard to make this perfect, but all that did was screw it up."

She's left quiet for a second, taking it all in.

Maybe if he hadn't been so anxious about it, he would've realized what was wrong with his bike when he rode it home from school, or he would've noticed his wallet fall out of his pocket. The point is, he wishes he hadn't let the label attached to this freak him out so much. He isn't sure why it does, but it does.

But she doesn't do what he expects. She isn't drowning him in reassurances and, "It's okay's" because she knows he doesn't care for them much. When he, the most stubborn person she knows, apologizes for something he did, he doesn't want it to turn into the person accepting the apology coddling him.

Y/N sighs.

"Is that why you've been acting so different all night? I scared you with the whole ‘date’ thing, didn't I? It doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to be."

What she doesn't know is that he wants it to be a date. He wants it to be a date so badly, he risked Pope and Kie finding them out for the sake of getting some proper advice on it, and now he's caught up in the same game of tug and war in his mind that always occurs when he wants to tell her the truth about his feelings for her.

Part of him doesn't understand why he doesn't outright say it. With every other girl he once showed interest in, he had no issues in letting them know he wanted them, but this is different. This isn't simply wanting someone, he thinks he's fallen for her. But whenever he says he's gonna grow a pair and tell her after all this time, he chokes. Involuntarily, he's reminded of his parents. Other than his friends saying it platonically, the only people to tell him they loved him were them, and with how they treated him, he sure as hell doesn't think that is love.

From his dad's brutal physical abuse to his mom's abandonment, he's too timid to tell her he loves her because of what could happen if she loves him back. Everyone else that has said that to him has either hurt him, died like John B did, or abandoned him.

He won't let that happen with him and Y/N. What they have, albeit undefined and codependent, is safe. It's the only thing he has left. Maybe it isn't right, and maybe he should open up about it to communicate the correct way, but somewhere in the misshapen logic of his mind, he correlates love to abandonment. And he doesn't want that to happen with her.

There are two sides of him at battle inside his mind. One side, the side that wants to do right by their relationship and actually communicate his feelings for once in his life, wants him to tell her everything. The other side, the side that responds based on the history of his past, wants him to hide it all.

"Will you be mad at me if we don't call it a date?" he asks.

She shakes her head.

The heavy sensation inside of JJ's chest nears a point of vitriolic violence against him as he starts to realize what he's doing to her, clearly letting her down, but he can't stop himself. Like a passive witness watching himself from outside of his body, the instantaneous trauma response to the sudden confrontation of his true feelings for her guides his actions without his permission. It shuts down any protest he has.

The sound of the movie fills the gap of silence between them the entire time. It’s a variety of bloodcurdling screams and disgusting sounds that would've made him gag if he weren't as distracted.

They can make out each other's faces through the darkness, but barely. It takes a flash of bright color from the film or a nearby car's lights turning on for them to fully see one another. Without the other knowing, they both put masks of calm and collected coolness on their faces despite the feelings raging beneath the surface—more so on his part than hers.

"Maybe," he says, pausing, "we should just keep things the way they've been."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, a soul-crushing amount of disappointment weighs her down. She said it was fine if he doesn't want it to be a date—and it is, she would never hold it against him—but that doesn't mean it can't hurt her. Things have been going so well, she almost thought...If tonight went well, she was thinking about no longer keeping it a secret, but if he said he wants things to stay the same, then maybe he isn't as ready for it as she is?

Meanwhile, JJ is on another page entirely.

She's embarrassed of being with you, a familiar voice in the back of his head croons. She's gonna leave just like everyone else does. If she doesn't even wanna tell your friends, why should you pretend you're dating?

The internal comments are the type that cause him to physically grimace when he's alone. Intrusive thoughts are just that: intrusive.

Sneaking into the guarded sanctuary of a person's mind, they set out to convince them the opposite of their reality. The only thing is, where most people's minds are guarded sanctuaries with walls of impregnable defense, his mind is the equivalent of a fortress blown to smithereens. The castle walls lay in rubble, the guards no where to be seen, and the path for these thoughts to slip past and straight to the vulnerability of his mind is left wide open.

In the privacy of his room, these thoughts attack him the most at night when he tries to fall asleep—when things get too quiet. With nobody around, when they get this bad there's nothing he can do except break down. It builds from the mere anxiety of attempting to force the thoughts away to full-blown panic attack mode. The more he resists them, the more aggressive they become. He'll gasp for air with tears streaming down his face, hitting his head with the heel of his hand as if that'd do something to stop his relentless mind.

But he can't afford to react in front of her, so the extent of his reaction is a subtle twitch of his face that she cannot see in the momentary darkness before the movie switches to another scene a second later. In a way, it does make the thoughts go away to have her here preventing him from spiraling alone. Having to focus on her keeps his mind away for moments at a time until the thoughts ease their grip on him.

When she hasn't answered for a while, he asks, terrified that he did something bad, "Are we good?"

The question seems to wake her up, snapping her out of the lonely direction her thoughts went into when he "rejected" her. It takes every bit of common sense she has left to force herself to understand that this doesn't mean he doesn't want her. He does, and not calling this a date doesn't mean they won't be together in the way they have been since John B's death, but she isn't perfect. She gets as unsure and insecure as he does.

As if the cloud of doom was lifted off of her, she makes her face lighten where she lays on her side next to him. Seeing this expression makes his chest feel less heavy, and he could let out a sigh of relief at the realization that he didn't break her heart and stomp on it. He should've known. Y/N is the sweetest person he knows, so she never would've flipped shit over him not wanting to label this as a date. That's not how she is.

And he's partly right. It isn't how she is. She would never hold it against him if he didn't want something further with her since she got herself into this position by pursuing him with his reputation with girls in mind, but she can't ignore it. Whether she wants it to or not, it had its affect on her as soon as he said it.

She leans in to kiss him, their lips meeting in the middle with the faint taste of popcorn salt mingling at the soft peck.

When she pulls away, she brushes the hair back from his face and says, "Don't worry. Nothing can change how I feel about you."

She has no clue what it feels like to hear that from her.

Despite the turmoil they unknowingly share beneath the surface due to this conversation, he could cry hearing her say it. It doesn't feel real to him that she feels the same way he does about her, because nothing could change how he feels about her either. That’s why he manages to work up the courage to repeat it back to her, and, for now, this is the closest he's physically capable of coming to telling her the truth.

"Ditto," he says.

It isn't what she wanted, but it's close enough, and if she dwells on this any longer, she might start getting too emotional and let the urge to tear up become too strong. Why does she have to be this sensitive? It's no secret that it's remarkably easy to make her cry, but this is insane to her. When all of this began with him, she didn't give a shit about him not wanting a label. She understood him, and she understood that he doesn't do this kind of thing, so why has it changed? Why doesn't she want to keep it a secret anymore? Why does she want this to be a date when she knows he doesn't want it to be?

Pulled by an invisible string back to him to silence her mind, she leans in to kiss him again with a hand cupping the back of his neck to guide him the rest of the way to her.

It shouldn't be laced with any sexual intention. She should be kissing him simply because she wants to, and, in a way, she is. Their kisses and touches are never lacking the motivation that is their underlying connection and mutual feelings for one another, but this is not the same. As he kisses her back with as much confidence and passion as always, she is reeling from the conversation that reminded her too much of a breakup.

It takes another minute of this for the kiss to heat up, their breathing becoming shallower in the moments they part to inhale, and she is undeniably the one instigating when she officially crosses the line between casual and sexual by crawling onto his lap. It's not hard for him to pick up on when their innocent moments take a turn. She's easy to read in that regard, and this has happened a multitude of times with them, so the shift of a mini make out session turning into something more is nothing out of the ordinary for them.

If he knew how shaken she is on the inside, he'd never want this. And the same would go for her if she knew what he was thinking before this. Neither of them wants to admit what they're feeling.

With her legs seated on either side of his hips, she kisses him like it's the last time she'll ever get the opportunity to. Her hands wander wherever they can, pulling at his shirt and feeling him up as his hands guide her hips to move against his in a steady grinding that she has no issue partaking in. It's an eagerness he hasn't seen from her in weeks. She's never un-excited when it comes to being physical with him either, but this is another level. The last time a girl was all over him like this, it was desperate touron at a party a few months ago.

In the span of time it takes her to glance over her shoulder to see if anyone could see them and reach to pull her skirt up until it bunches around her hips—no one can see them, by the way, since they got here late and were forced to cram the van into the back corner of the lot with no street lights illuminating the path—his brows raise at her presumptuous behavior. Not that he's one to complain, however, seeing as he's typically the one doing what she is.

Their next kiss clashes their teeth hard enough to make them wince, but he loves it. It makes him smirk into her parted mouth, alive with both the feeling her reassurance provided and the fuzzy-headed high that often finds him when they're together in this way. Incomparable to past flings or the high related to any drugs, she is the peak of everything to him. It's no contest.

His chest stutters against hers with a bout of amused laughter, asking within a brief pause in what feels like the most JJ thing he's said this awkward night, "Two for two in the Twinkie. What's gotten into you?"

Y/N's hand dips between where their bodies move together to unclasp the closed buckle of his belt in one smooth motion that has it falling apart with a clinking noise.

Her features are set with a look that tells him she means business. Whatever it is that sparked this, he wonders how the fuck to make it happen again another time. She's begged for it before, but never taken control so dominantly, and he can't deny what the role reversal does to him. The evidence is obvious in the distinct hardness she feels pressing up against the hand undoing his jeans.

"I was hoping it'd be you," she says, voice breathless and airy from the constant contact in a way that makes it ten times hotter for him.

If there were any chance of him not being in the mood prior to this, which wasn't the case anyway, it's gone now. He never wants to hear her say she doesn't deliberately try to tease him ever again.

He doesn't need to be told twice.

JJ surges forward to capture her mouth with his, this time with no intention of pulling away to breathe or speak again. No, he'll let himself get lightheaded and dizzy if it means he can stay with her for as long as possible.

With the circumstances of it all, them being visible to someone if they happened to pass by the open door of the van, they move at a pace quicker than usual. She's immediately helping him shimmy his jeans and underwear far enough down his hips to free his dick from the confines of his clothes, making him sigh out a breath of relief when her hand brushes against him in the process.

There's no opportunity to slow down, it has exploded into a full-throttle speed race that neither of them can halt.

His hand blindly flies out beside him to grope the floor of the van for the set of keys he tossed carelessly to the side once the movie started, eyes shut in the midst of the hot, messy kiss they share. His fingers find the fabric of one of the blankets they brought in case they got cold, then drifts again and lands on her Big Bird sneakers until he feels the sharp metal of her keys meet his calloused palm.

After the events of last summer, she bought a switch blade to keep on her key ring alongside the keys to the van, HMS Pogue, and Chateau. She may not like violence or weapons, seeing as she was a skeptic of JJ keeping the gun alongside her friends, but she saw it necessary. Between Rafe, Topper, and Kelce, how could she leave the safety of her and her friends up to chance knowing what some of the kooks did to them not long ago? What happened to Pope on the golf course alone was enough to make her skin crawl.

Right now, though, the knife flips out from the pressure of his thumb pushing the button to release it. He holds it out away from her at first to assure it doesn't nick her in the process, then uses his other hand to tug the side of her panties that hugs her hip far out enough to press the sharp side of the blade onto the inside of it.

She can hardly believe what she's watching as JJ cuts the delicate maroon underthings from her body as if he were doing something so normal, like it's something he's done before. Her forehead is pressed against his, her mouth parted both in shock and in a need to pant for oxygen, and she watches the knife ruin her favorite panties. The stitches come apart with a satisfying ripping noise that can hardly be heard over the sound of people reacting to the movie in the background.

Other customers of the Cherry Bowl Drive-In are too glued to the screen as a beloved character is chased down, reacting in shouts when she's seized by the killer and shoved onto the table of an industrial bread slicer, so they remain wholly unnoticed.

The lace, now ripped in half, dangles on the tip of the knife when he lifts it away from her, tosses it aside, and presses the button once more to retract the blade. It clatters to the floor, but is in no way forgotten with them resuming in a desperation to keep going until they both satisfy the need clawing at them from the inside. But her sense of need is different from his, and even with the fresh memory of him with the switch blade in mind, she's still somewhere else the whole time.

Her mind is faraway, muted through layers of sadness, anger, and disappointment as he reaches between them to line himself up to her entrance. The sensation of him running his cock, hard and messy with a few drops of precome, through her dripping pussy to coat it in her slick arousal is enough to make her moan pathetically. Yet when he's about to guide himself inside of her, she stops him.

"Wait, wait, wait," she breathes out rapidly, heart pounding so hard she can feel herself pulsating between her thighs, "Condom."

They were so antsy to get to it, they almost forgot.

"Fuck," he curses under his breath, and his eyes flicker from where they were trained between their bodies to glance back and forth around the van before it hits him. "I lost my wallet..."

But right when he thinks their public rendezvous in the back of the Drive-In is over due to his unfortunate mistake, she shakes her head and slips away from her perch astride his lap to crawl over to her bag.

She fumbles with the old tote bag and plunges her arm in to sift through the hodge podge of things that are purely Y/N in nature—stickers, glitter pens, a half-eaten bag of candy, etc—for the square foil package she decided to toss in before she left just in case. She usually doesn't keep them on her because he never fails to have one, but, thankfully, she had the random instinct to bring it tonight.

The only thing to bring her out of her cloudy, malevolent storm of feelings when she settles back onto his lap with the condom wrapper ripped open for him is him saying, "So you planned this, huh?" with his mouth tipped in a familiar self-satisfied grin.

She didn't plan it. In fact, she threw herself at him the second she sensed him withdrawing from her and can't stop herself despite the fact that she constantly feels two seconds away from letting a tear slip down her cheek. If that counts as "planning it", then sure.

"Maybe so," she answers, cool, calm, and collected—the antithesis of the truth.

They usually don't lie to each other.

They're thrown right back into it without any other hiccups once he rolls the condom on, and he takes in a shaky breath at her hand wrapping around him to align their bodies up. Before she can do anything, though, he takes chance to swipe the blanket he found a moment ago and wrap it around her back to keep her covered in case they get caught.

Y/N sinks down onto his cock with her lip caught between her teeth to stifle the sound that threatens to escape. JJ, on the other hand, doesn't bother concealing the sound of the groan he makes at the sensation of having her wrapped around him like this. The tension in her entire body from the anticipation and the looming threat of being seen by someone has her squeezing him so tightly, he can't help but be a little louder than he should.

Her soft palm slaps over his mouth with enough pressure to force his groan to quiet itself, and she watches his pretty blue eyes widen in reaction to the dominant action. Who is this girl and what has she done with his sweet, submissive Y/N? Don't get him wrong, he is very turned on by it, but it's unlike her to take the lead this way. He can't figure it out.

"What's wrong, angel?" she asks in a whisper into his ear, her hand over his mouth and her hips starting to slowly rock against him, "Watch the movie."

Once the words leave her mouth, she drops her hand, just in case he wants to stop and can't say anything because she had his mouth covered, and JJ is pretty sure he's died and gone to heaven.

He doesn't watch the movie, not at all, because he's too busy watching her. For someone losing their mind internally, she does not let it show, nor does she let it distract her from what's happening. If anything, the distraction in this situation is the sex, not what's going on inside of her head.

There's a moment of adjustment and going as slowly and gently as possible while waiting for the dull pressure of feeling him inside of her to fade away, but, for the most part, she doesn't waste any time. As soon as she feels comfortable enough with the ache between her thighs giving way to a spark of pleasure when she grinds her clit down on his pubic bone, she starts to ride him at a better pace than the initial slow movements of her hips.

She raises herself up and takes him again inch by inch, enjoying the sense of fullness she gets from having to fit him in spite of the slight discomfort at first, and she could swear that he'll leave bruises in the shape of his handprints with how tightly he clutches her hips. It's all he can do to prevent himself from moaning or saying something, ever the vocal lover she's come to know.

Unless his mouth is preoccupied like it was on the beach yesterday afternoon, JJ is usually impossible to shut up, especially in this context. With him always whispering dirty things to her, whether it be praises, pet names, or plans on what he wants to do to her, she has come to find it breathtakingly hot. He could likely get away with saying something if he wanted to, but he isn't sure he wants to risk it. If he opens his mouth to spew something filthy to her, he won't trust himself not to make a louder, different kind of noise that won't fit in the with background audio the other moviegoers are listening to.

The wet sound of their bodies colliding that fills the space of the van is drowned out by the loud and violent sequence occurring on the screen far ahead of them, and hearing it makes her bounce herself on him a little harder. She's fueled on by it all, and, strangely, what happened before she practically pounced on him is the main contributor.

Similarly to the nature of his intrusive thoughts, the harder she resists the memory of how it felt when he told her he didn't want this to be a date, the more forceful it is in its return. Her eyes trail down to watch where they connect with her forehead pressed to his, then she's thrown back into the feeling of helpless disappointment and insecurity. His head tips back against the window with his bottom lip dropped open and his brows furrowed just enough to create a crease on his forehead, and she's bombarded with the look of relief on his face when he realized he didn't have to be tied down to her with a label.

It makes her want to get rougher, harder, and she doesn't even care if it'll make her sore later on. She presses herself down so far every time she slides down on his cock, her teeth draw blood on her lip with how hard she must bite it to remain quiet. The pain of her hipbones rubbing against his doesn't even matter to either of them at this point. They're both too lost in the pleasure that has begun to take control of them to care about something as minuscule as that, or the burn in her thighs from the repetitive physical strain.

She grabs his wrist and brings his hand between them, flattening hers overtop of it and pressing down on the base of her abdomen in the midst of the increasingly feverish thrusts.

"Feel you here," she murmurs to him through a quiet moan, hoping he can hear it over the movie, and pushes down on his hand for emphasis. And if the way he reacts by cursing under his breath tells her anything, it's that he picked up on it. "JJ..."

He reaches out to grab her by the throat with his free hand and tug her forward to kiss him, as if something inside of him snapped in response to her doing that. The motions of her jolting up and down throws the already messy and uncoordinated kiss off-kilter, but they don't mind. It has them separating every time she lifts up, producing this heady little head rush from from them breathing in each other's air without actually letting their mouths meet in the middle.

Though they're trying their hardest not to alert anyone outside of what's happening, it didn't occur to him until now, when his eyes catch John B's old bandana swinging back and forth where it's secured around the rear view mirror.

They're worried about moaning while the entire fucking Twinkie is rocking with their movements. Well, at least it makes good use of the corny sticker he gifted John B last year as a gag gift. He tried to peel it off after JJ snuck it onto the side window to no avail. So, now Y/N is stuck with a sticker on her car reading, "If the van's a-rockin', come on in, we like orgies," rather than the more common phrase.

It almost makes him start laughing, and he prays no one takes that shit seriously, 'cause he is never intent on sharing this breathtaking girl. Ever.

Y/N isn't anywhere near laughing like he is, in fact, she's finding it difficult to keep herself together. She feels her eyes sting with the promise of tears, and she's never felt so pathetic before. Is she seriously about to cry during sex? Is she really that girl that is so ill-equipped to handle rejection, she can't get through it without tears?

She won't cry. Perhaps if he sees how glossy her eyes have become in a rare moment of good lighting, she can blame it on the hand around her throat putting pressure on the sides of her neck.

The worst part about her being near to crying is the timing of it.

The emotion of what she feels mentally mixes with the swirling, building sensation she feels in the pit of her stomach that tells her she's close to going over the edge, and it's so overwhelming. Was she imagining that their friendship had changed? More importantly, is this all she'll ever be to him? Sex is the only thing she's sure of with him, it's the only thing that doesn't require deeper emotions, and when the ground beneath their fragile relationship felt shaky...

He can feel her starting to unravel, and he knows that he'll come before she does if he doesn't do anything now, so he decides to take control.

JJ pulls the hand he had resting on her abdomen away as though he were burned by it, wrapping his arm around her waist to steady her body against his and using the hand around her neck for leverage to thrust up into her, effectively reducing her to a teary-eyed, moaning mess atop him. They both stopped caring about making noise the second he began to fuck her like this.

She cries out in ecstasy at the sudden change in pace and depth that has him hitting all the right places. Every time he thrusts up into her, just as rough as she wished for, the tip of his cock nudges into that perfect spot inside of her that makes her incapable of silencing her moans. This time, it's JJ that puts his hand over her mouth, letting the one he had around her neck move away to keep her from alerting everyone around them of what's happening.

There's nothing she can do to stop her climax as it barrels through her in its initial sweeping wave of bliss to contrast the venomous doubts in her mind. She's never felt such conflicting, yet powerful feelings before—the intensity of the physical pleasure that makes her whine into the palm of his hand, then the part of her mind replaying every word he said in their conversation before this.

Her body is rigid and tense through it all, squeezing down around his cock with the involuntary spasms of her orgasm, and he can't help himself anymore. All it takes are a few more frantic thrusts for him to bury himself inside of her one last time and spill into the condom, uncovering her mouth so he can drown out his own groans into a kiss.

Their skin sticks to their clothes on the inside with sweat from the exertion of their actions, and he can feel her stomach tremble where it presses up against his with each undulation of her hips that meet his as he rides it out.

But even with the added distraction of the sex, she can't rid herself of the feeling that started plaguing her as soon as things went awry. That was why he was acting weird all night. He must have been so worried about her thinking this was anything more than their typical hangouts that he couldn't bring himself to act normally.

She forces herself to look happy when they pull away from the kiss, panting, and JJ, unaware of what she's been thinking, doesn't notice the small deception.

Tag list: @gabiatthedisco

[sleeplessandstubborn]

Emily in Paris or why I stopped caring about the protagonist and I started rooting for the French. Episode 1.

Let’s be clear. I was planning to root for the French anyway. They are in the neighbouring country, I quite like them and I was prepared to confront and make fun about all the stereotypes in this series. Because this was exactly what I expected. Funny, lighthearted and totally braindead (wink wink) escapism in an instagrammed to the top Paris which has the same resemblance with the real one than Vincent Minelli’s... But without Gene Kelly. So what did I think of the first episode?

Meet Emily Cooper from Chicago. She’s young, she is dynamic, she struggles to be liked by everyone and at the beginning of the series. She is a marketing executive about to be promoted or so she thinks.

... Because her boss Madeline (played by Kate Walsh) is going to Paris in order to take work with Savoir, a luxury firm the company (sorry I forgot its name) has just adquired. Madeline is overjoyed because working for a year in Paris is one of her dreams and because French men like mature women, as probed by the fact that their young and hot (sic, but this blog agrees) president married his high school teacher. We’ll never know which plans Madeline had for Frenchmen, whether they are young or hot or not. The case is after two minutes in the series she vomits, which means she’s pregnant and she can’t go anywhere because it’s an truth universally aknowledged that pregnant women can’t go on with their plans.

It’s in the next scene when we meet Emily’s boyfriend, Doug, and when we learn she’s going to Paris in Madeline’s place, in spite of being unprepared and not knowing the language. At this point one wonders how it’s possible that no one else in the company can replace Madeline. All of them are monolingual? Our plucky heroine is not discouraged by the litle fact of knowing virtually nothing about the country in which she’s going to live during the next twelve months. She and Doug - the moment you see the scene you know it wont’ go well - agree on a long distance relationship.

And after a very well done transition, we have crossed the ocean. Yes, this is well done, and I say it unironically. Episodes are short, your show is called Emily in Paris, so, what’s better than having your main lady already in the French capital in less than five minutes. The series goes to the point in this aspect and it’s a good thing to spare us of unnecesary scenes.

So Emily arrives to her apartment with pretty views, confused about in which floor she’s supposed to live (running gag ahead) and already hit on by a French guy on a suit that looks like the love child of Gabriel Attal and Albert Rivera (check it, seriously). I couldn’t take him seriously not only because of that but also because he said that Emily’s appartment was a chambre de bonne. Not by any means. Look, I’ve never lived in Paris but I know that apartment is huge when compared with a real chambre de bonne.

Off to know her working place, Emily has this HUGE smile pasted on her face. I don’t know if this supposed to make her charming and likeable. For me - it’s true than I have this European perspective - she looks a mix between an anxious puppy and a psychopath. I would be scared and would avoid her at all costs. The cultural clash is about to happen.

Yeah, I would look at her too, Julien a.k.a. token black character. You have probably heard about the lack of diversity in this series, I won’t abound in that, others have worded it better. It also an established fact that French people smokes at their workplace, even if in the European Union we have these things called smoking bans that won’t allow it.

And enter Sylvie, Emily’s Parisian boss and supposed main antagonist, à la Devil wears Prada. What to say about Sylvie other than I adore her? Her clothes, her style, her sarcasm. As any rational being would do, Sylvie is pretty dismayed to learn that Emily does not have the slightest idea of French and its already wanting to impose her American perspective and her alleged knowledge of social media. The problem is I don’t know if her posts on Instagram really deserve that much attention. Clash ensues with the rest of her new coworkers. C’est la cata! they comment. I quite agree.

Our fish-out-of-water takes an evening afterwork stroll (this Paris is like one square kilometer and public transport is something you mention but never appears) and calls her boyfriend to state the entire city looks like Ratatouille, which legitimately made me laugh. I am not sure if this reference means that Emily’s filmic culture is that limited or if it’s her boyfriend the one who only knows a movie which takes place in Paris and that’s one is Ratatouille. We know that Emily at least has seen Moulin Rouge and that makes two so probably is Doug’s fault.

Back at home, and since she has forgotten how to count, Emily attempts to open the wrong door. Immediately a wild Frenchman appears; it’s Gabriel, played by Lucas Bravo probably one of these young hot men Madeline would target. He takes the intrusion reasonably well. Especially when it’s discovered that Emily only knows his region, Normandy, from Saving Private Ryan. That makes three films, so definitely I think Doug is the problem here as far as filmic culture goes.

Next day Emily picks a yellow outfit and goes to work, purchasing a pain au chocolat in her way to work. I confess I was underwhelmed when discovered that there wouldn’t be any joke about the Great Civil War that has been going on in France since its earliest days: the partidaries of pain au chocolat vs. the ones of chocolatine. A ferocious, merciless conflict unknown by most nations. A lost opportunity not making this woman someone from the South who bravely defies Parisian conventions calling it chocolatine. I’m team pain au chocolat btw. Naturally when she discovers the wonderful world of flavours she makes another Instagram post. She’s earning more and more followers, Heavens know why.

However, she has a Big Problem with Doing Research. Example given, she doesn’t know her schedule - a problem which could have been solved with reading numbers - and arrives two hours early to her workplace.

Once there she discovers she can’t sit with the cool kids. No one wants to lunch with her, so she decides to miserably sit by herself at the park, where we met her best new friend. Her name’s Mindy, she’s from Shangai and she’s working as au pair, while teaching Mandarin to the two blond children she’s looking after. We’ll later discover more about her. She instantly detects the American in Emily and offers her help to this awkward but at the same time arrogant newcomer.

Meanwhile at Savoir, Emily has earned a sobriquet. La Plouc, which is adopted by Sylvie and most of her coworkers even if Luc seems more or less reluctant to say it. La Plouc means the hick, as she instantly discovers thanks to an online translator. It’s really not a good day for our heroine, and she cames back home - remember that thing about this Paris being one square kilometer? - walking. Co-worker and someone who  for some resason reminds me to the posh-y version of Philippe Poutou - check it - Luc passes by as she sits lonely by herself and apologizes for calling her la Plouc earlier. He also claims she’s arrogant for coming to Paris without speaking or even understanding French - which is true - and tells her people is probably scared as her new, modern ideas. Which makes no sense at all and it’s probably a white lie.

Meanwhile and for some reason her totally inocuous posts in Instagram makes her earn more and more followers. During the night, her oblivious to timezones boyfriend call her and they have - or attempt to have - a totally awkward and unsexy session of cybersex. At the end Emily is so frustrated that she tries to use her electric vibrator which leads to the short-circuit of the entire building. Fortunately before she has the oportunity of getting closer to the device in question. And that’s how Episode 1 ends.

What did I think? It’s fun and pretty to look at. Even prettier to rant about. As long as your brain remains carefully shut off in the meantime and you don’t take it that seriously you are going to enjoy it I guess. At least it’s my case.

Still frustrated for not covering the Great Civil War tho.

[darkpoisonouslove]

Winx Club Season 2 Thoughts (4kids) Part 1

I already posted some thoughts on season 2 last year when I legit just clicked through he episodes rather than actually rewatching them so I am back to give a more in-depth look on this season! (And, hopefully, it won’t end with disappointment for me.)

2x01:

- Eww, why voiceover? It just seems so unnatural since we’ve never had it before. Not to mention that Bloom told us what each of the other girls has done during the summer but she didn’t tell us anything about herself. Like, she set out to find out more about her origins back in the first half of season 1, and I know that she did learn about being the princess of Domino but she still has no fucking idea who her parents are as individuals apart from them being the rulers of Domino. Considering how big of a plot that is later on, it just doesn’t sit right with me that she doesn’t seem remotely interested in it currently and didn’t mention anything about it. It’s like that plotline is closed for her which we all know is not true. So I am having some issues here, not gonna lie (not with Bloom but with her inconsistent writing).

- Aww, am I the only one who thinks that Stella buried herself in fashion rules all summer because she didn’t want to think about her parents’ divorce? Poor baby has been going so hard with no rest to keep herself from grieving over it. But at least she did something! (Proving she’s not lazy and spoiled; she practically had a job. Her dream job. You go get it, girl! (but also take care of your mental state, please.))

- Why is Bloom so eager to learn her fortune? Has she not read Greek Mythology? Bad idea, hon. Bad idea. (The thing with the magical reality mirrors was cool, though!)

- (Is that a new secret library or is it the regular library? I’m confused. Does anybody have a handy layout of Alfea for me?)

- She just fucking told her everything! I’m not a fan of knowing your future tbh. It really messes with your head and you start thinking “Will my actions have a negative impact on it? Will I somehow change my own destiny for the worse?” and then you go and do exactly that. Not to mention that it would be so weird to stare at Layla and just feel the pressure of being told that you’ll be best friends. Like, what if it doesn’t work? And what if it is just the fact that you were told so that pushes you to seek the friendship of that person? I don’t know. It’s just not my thing.

- Layla is awesome, though! Climbing those rocks with no equipment, not to mention with so little power left. She probably couldn’t even transform and fly if she fell. That was dangerous but did she care? Nope. She was there to save the pixies! Brave little soldier. Too good, too pure for this world.

- Ugh, Darkar managed to annoy me with his very first sentence ever. Nice job. You are a loser, loser. So deal with it! God, how will I take all that narcissism for 25 more episodes? Oh god, oh no, please, no! Whyyyyyyyy?

- Ugh, Bloom, that diadem is doing the opposite of wonders for your hair, please! At least Stella had the common sense to remove it.

- Speaking of Stella, that moment with the multiplying beauty was so cute! I love how she complimented the others while complimenting herself! But guys (Stella & Bloom), you’re not discreet with the groping. Seriously.

- Oh, hey! Riven won! And Sky only came in third! Nice! But lbr here, Timmy is the real victor! The others came in on hoverbikes while he had an entire ship that he modified himself. I mean, idk about anyone else, but I would definitely go for the ship.

- Of course there’s Diaspro drama. God, can they not for literally five seconds? And also, “we’re just friends”? Wtf? Did you fall on your head this summer, Bloom? You were calling him your boyfriend last time I checked. And you were fawning over the romance in your future. Can you just drop the pretense already?

- Ooh, Layla is so smart! She managed to outsmart all the monsters and win even when she barely had any magic left! You go, you absolute badass!

- Did they even make any changes on that new wing at Alfea? I mean, besides the name.

2x02:

- How did Tecna know that Layla was the princess of Andros? Did she hack the interdimensional FBI system? Wtf.

- They could’ve showed some other things we hadn’t seen that Layla had to go through but, of course, why would they do that when they could just use the same footage and draw less animation, bruh?

- And we’re getting to the opposites. Right on schedule when the Shadow Phoenix has shown up. You gotta love how convenient those school lessons are (not to mention that Bloom suddenly started feeling her opposite out of nowhere. Nice!) At least we got a cool magical lesson. Though, idk how to feel about the ying-yang symbol. I mean, it is a perfect representation of what they’re talking about but kind of weird to see something so earthly in Alfea. Though, Earth did have magic so... Hmm. Okay, anyway. Moving on.

- Um, question, why do Stella and Layla not know each other? And in the first season Stella and Musa and Sky didn’t know each other even though they were all royalty (I am still unclear on whether Musa is a princess or not btw but anyway). Don’t they, like, have royal meetings with other kingdoms? (which they even did in season 5 when Domino was back. What, is Domino the center of the universe and they can’t function without it? I mean, come on!)

- The talk about love is getting on my nerves and I literally have “love” in my url and it is my fave word. So what is wrong with that? I do love that guard there. Heck, yeah, it’s a prison (it’s worse than that tbh). And the fact that they’re trying to make it out not to be is extremely fucked up and sickening if you ask me. Not to mention “You can force people to be happy. It just takes time.” I really hope whoever had the idea of that place (in-verse) is going to hell.

- They legit just kept recapping season 1 for a solid minute? Aaaaaaaand... SKIP.

- Can I say that a 30-page report is an actual living nightmare. Thanks.

- The girls are all friendly with Layla (well, outside of a slip-up or two). That’s cute. But where the hell is Tecna? Can the animators only animate five Winx girls at a time? What the hell, you guys?

- So the Pixie village is on Andros (if Layla found it accidentally. I don’t imagine she realm-hopped at will)? Why don’t I remember any of that? But hey, finally some flashbacks that we haven’t seen before!

- Oh, look! My guy Kerborg is here! (the only good part of this whole Darkar thing tbh)

- The Trix finally thought of trying to pretend to be happy in order to get out of there. Well, better late than never. Though, watching how it’s going I can understand why they didn’t try before that. It is, in fact, hopeless. (But at least Darcy is handling it! She always was a bit more controlled.)

- I am so majorly creeped out by Darkar. He just met them and he’s like “You belong to me! Mwahahahaha.” Ummmm? Can you calm down? But I loved Icy’s response. Though, it didn’t stick. And he’s at it again. Seriously, this is really giving me some major off vibes. He said they were going to be the queens of Shadowhaunt which, considering he’s the king, would imply they were his wives. Now there’s a mental image that I am not even going to let inside my head, thanks. Although, having in mind that he just kept buttering them up, I would say it was just him stroking their egos to get them to join him. Not to mention that his later treatment of them supports that theory. And of course, he had to test them first and see how they’d do.

2x03:

- Please, tell me that they’ll tell someone about the Pixies and won’t just go to Shadowhaunt on their own initiative.

- O!M!G! They actually told Faragonda! I can’t believe this! Finally doing something smart, I can’t! And of course she wasn’t going to just let them go. Though, did she really think they weren’t going to want to take the test?

- Shouldn’t Stella be weakened by the darkness of Shadowhaunt? I kinda wish she’d stayed at Alfea if that would’ve spared us from the arc that is coming. (Why?)

- Okay, but it was kind of rude of Layla to just overtake Riven’s hoverbike like that. I wouldn’t appreciate it if I had to give someone a ride and they shoved me out of the driver’s seat and occupied my car, thank you. I’m surprised Riven agreed to let her drive.

- I don’t really have much to say about this episode tbh.

- It was cute that Stella jumped off the cliff for Brandon but it was not the smartest course of action. It probably would’ve been easier for him to save himself if he was alone and they may not have ended up being brought to Amentia. God, I hate this. I don’t want to be bitching about this every other sentence so just know that I absolutely despise this arc from the very bottom of my heart and that will never change.

2x04:

- They have no powers and Darkar knows they’re there. Sounds like a great situation, doesn’t it?

- That amazing moment when you either have to marry a person you’ve just met or watch the one you love die and then be forced to get married anyway. You gotta love that! I hate this so much! (And this is different from my previous point. Or at least has a different angle.)

- Wow, Riven is absolutely handling being a boyfriend. Somebody get him a manual, the man is failing spectacularly.

- I am not quite a fan of Flora’s “Must be nice to have a shoulder to cry on”. Like, you have your friends???? No, I get that she wants a boyfriend, nothing wrong with that, but it came out like she has nobody. Which is absolutely not true.

- What a lucky save that Stella just arrived when they were about to become toast. Can anyone tell me why she didn’t just teleport them where the Pixies are? Or anywhere closer to them if she could do that all along?

- Am I distracted or is there nothing to talk about in these episodes? (Both. It is both.)

2x05:

- Seriously, why didn’t they at least mention the option to teleport using that gadget from the beginning?

- Aww, Brandon was trying to be noble and get out of the marriage but it backfired. Poor him.

- Why are the Pixies bickering like that? Is it Shadowhaunt’s influence or just the fact that they’d been imprisoned together for so long?

- Wait, did they just... kill a pixie? (Off screen of course, but still. Damn!)

- So Bloom and Stella did... interestingly with the boarding.

- Why is Stella afraid of heights? Also, that’s never been mentioned before. Especially not when she jumped off a fucking cliff! Wtf. They just keep throwing in new stuff without setting it up properly and I am getting annoyed.

- What happened to Tecna’s computer?

- Oh, look! Chatta lied to Darkar to protect Pixie Village.

- It’s the Trix! Finally some action! And they are harder to defeat now that they’re stronger! Nice!

- Damn! Layla was really determined to get the Pixies out of there. (Which wouldn’t have helped if Darkar hadn’t let her but she still gets points for trying.)

- Oh come on! Do I really have to deal with fake Avalon so early in the season?!?!?! Dammit! Also, wtf is up with Bloom and Stella? Like, you both have boyfriends. At least Layla’s not affected.

- “Stella returned a compliment. What is that about?” XDDD One of the funniest lines ever! And look at Amore! She is so cute!

2x06:

- But yeah, seriously, just go get Brandon, please! (Also, good that they noticed something’s fishy.)

- Aww, Stella is absolutely furious and determined to get her boyfriend back. She should’ve gone for a plan tbh since it could’ve helped them get to the palace faster.

- I love how Stella’s known Layla for a week (half of which Layla was unconscious) tops and is already making her her bridesmaid. Am I the only one who finds this weird? Like, this friendship train is moving way too fast for my trust issues.

- Poor Brandon. She’s going to stretch him, wtf? These episodes are a horror show.

- How bad can a guard worm be? Hm, gee, I don’t know, Layla. Enough to stop you perhaps since it is a “guard”, y’know.

- And Brandon is talking to a parrot now. I am losing it just like he is. How much longer will this torture go on? Please, tell me this arc is coming to an end.

- Okay, so the plotline with Amore’s magic is less problematic than I remember it. I thought she was going to make Amentia fall in love with the flower pollen but it only leads you to your soulmate. That isn’t problematic, actually. Nice!

- Wtf do you mean they’re going to eat Brandon if he’s not a good husband?!?!?! I am getting nightmares over here. Just feeling them forming in my head. Thanks.

- It must be horrible for Stella to be standing there and watching her boyfriend being forced to marry another woman. How are these people not psychologically scarred anyway?

- Aww, they’re back together! I love how Amore is just sitting in Stella’s lap! It’s cute.

2x07:

- I was not ready for the Kiko angst even though I knew it was coming.

- Faragonda really thought she could just dodge that question without them noticing, huh? Yeah, well, no.

- Oh, look! The Shadow Fire is sentient. This reminds me of LotR tbh but anyway, moving on. So Darkar is a man who is possessed by the Shadow Fire? I so did not remember that.

- Oh, no! Is it really time for Avalon already? Dammit! I was just getting thrilled there was no Darkar in these last two episodes and now I get Avalon. Uggggh.

- I get Bloom’s annoyance with this but why does she keep blasting it when that obviously doesn’t give results?!?!?! This reminds me of that quote by Einstein that madness is doing the same thing and expecting different results. “I feel tired.” You think? You’ve been out there blasting that thing for hours. Get inside and get warmed up, oh my god! Seriously, how are they even alive? They don’t take care of themselves at all.

- This might be my more advanced knowledge of what the future holds for them speaking but I absolutely do not get what is Avalon’s appeal.

- Oh, how convenient. He’s teaching magic connected to their origins. Amazing.

- “I don’t want to seem obsessive” *proceeds to spy on girlfriend* At least the show is framing it well.

2x08:

- Ugh, I really hate these Bloom and Avalon scenes. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.

- Ugh, I’m gagging at Bloom’s obsession with Avalon. I get he promised to help her learn about her origins but she’s downright lovesick. I am so with Sky on this and I understand his frustration.

- Aww, Brandon immediately revealed his own nickname to help Stella calm down. That was so cute! I love them!

- I love how the fairies are always invited, of course, but the witches are only invited because they helped. I mean, yeah, they do cause trouble, but like, they’re witches? I think the show should have done a better job at specifying what exactly being a witch is because currently it’s like “hey, they’re evil but they can legally learn how to be evil in the legitimate school for witches!” How does that make any sense?

- Ewww, seriously? On the one front I have Bloom and Avalon and on the other Icy and Darkar. What is wrong with this season?

- Oh, hey! It’s Helia! Now only if we didn’t have to wait half a season for Flora to confess her feelings, that would be great! I love how she got mad at Stella for introducing herself to Helia. Don’t just glare there, Flora. Do something about it! (About Helia, I mean.)

- So Saladin is also a dramatic bitch. Good to know. XD But hey, the new Red Fountain looks so much better. Before I started the rewatch, I didn’t even remember the initial vision. I only remembered the one from season 2 onwards.

- Poor Timmy! But what was Tecna’s problem? Like, you dreamed of him. That’s cool. I mean, you like him. What’s the problem? I guess she’s just not used to emotions like that, though.

- “I think it was Darcy” Jeez, really? Why is the fact that she ran away not enough proof that it was Darcy? Why would she run away if she was just a random girl? But I guess it’s a good thing Musa recognized her voice because people can actually do that unlike what movies would have you believe.

- It’s Kerborg time. Nice!

- Oh, yeah, “let’s leave Bloom and Sky in charge here”. Now you trust her. Last time she was there he blamed everything on her but hey, whatever.

- I loved Sky being supportive of Brandon and then the team up with all the rest. And Riven showing a better side of himself. That was really awesome.

- Oh, I think Helia’s got his eye on a certain fairy too! ;)

- But seriously. Literally an entire army of Specialists can’t hold the monster down while Helia did it on his own. With his glove. Wtf?!?!?!?! Though really, why am I expecting anything to make sense at this point.

2x09:

- Okay, but as annoying as Darkar is, he at least knows how to steer the witches to do exactly what he wants.

- Really, Tecna, I think your facts are wrong. You aren’t completely grown up at 16, wtf.

- Who else is completely creeped out by Avalon? He really just gave all of his very female and very young students flowers. And he’s teaching them all individual things (which is just a cover so that his interest in Bloom doesn’t stand out, of course, but still). He knows they are all crushing on him and he’s exploiting that and doing his best to lead them on and reinforce those emotions. That is absolutely disgusting, thank you.

- Seriously, even Faragonda is falling victim to his “charm” (not)? I can’t with this episode anymore and it has just started. And here I thought Darkar would be the problem of this season. How was I so wrong????????

- Oh, he wants them to trust him as much as they trust themselves? How about they throw you off a cliff instead? Oh, wait, that won’t work because he has wings. Crush him with a boulder then? (This is getting very anti Avalon and I am so sorry for all the negativity but I don’t think I can stress enough how much this is upsetting and angering me.)

- Why do I feel like Avalon is the one who planted the book there so that Tecna could do all of that and embarrass herself so that she wouldn’t try it again and he could proceed with his real plans?

- Well, we finally got Bloom’s parents’ names and a very unclear peek at them. Though, props for having their designs figured out from the beginning, though I guess that is just thanks to the comics.

- Oh, hey! Palladium is back. (Why is no one crushing on him? He is so much better and more handsome than Avalon tbh.) Glow up time, bitches. XD

- Amaryl is being Amaryl, of course. But Palladium is having none of it anymore. And he saved Stella. Nice!

- The others trust Tecna, that’s great!

- (Honestly, Griffin is the only thing saving me from losing my mind in this episode tbh, Also the fact that she believes Tecna and that Tecna was suspicious enough to dig in the first place. At least someone hasn’t lost their common sense.)

- Oh, hey, how did Bloom get that medallion? Did she pull it out of the past? Pls, tell me that’s not what happened. It can legit mess the entire timeline.

- Wait, didn’t they start chasing him before midnight? Why is it suddenly morning? Wtf? You can’t tell me they chased him all night. Why is everything so wrong?

- Poor Wizgiz! Another invention is destroyed. I feel his pain.

- At least all parts of the episode came together nicely. The writing was actually good but I absolutely hate this episode, thanks! I still appreciate the effort with the script, though.

2x10:

- Seriously, why did Bloom instantly decide that Diaspro was involved in this? Ugh. Both she and Sky need to calm down with the jealousy.

- Omg, Griselda is so savage, I can’t! Her magic is so awesome. (Since when is Stella up for cooking? Or was it just because she wanted to see the cute guy that would teach them cooking? Ah, and she’s tired of take out.) I really loved how she used different methods to deal with the different powers of the fairies. Finally we’re getting all the magical lessons and it is absolutely glorious.

- (Btw, seeing Stella openly critique classes schedule makes it clear to me why she’s always been my favorite. That is such a me thing to do. I still can’t understand how teachers liked me since I was always arguing with them.)

- Of course. Sky wants to talk and Bloom immediately decided he wanted to break up with her. Why don’t you hear him out first maybe? (Sidenote: Stella and Brandon went on a date with unicorns? That is really cute!)

- Brandon is in his role of the wingman again. Considering he’s the only one having a steady girlfriend (and they’ve said “I love you” already), the rest should just listen to him.

- Mayhem globe? That’s really cool actually.

- Helia is here. Nice!

- Poor Stormy. She looked really hurt. I thought Darcy was the one with the illusions and riddles. Why did she get it wrong and why was Icy the one to solve it (through a detail that not only has never been shown but has been pretty much disproven by what we’ve seen)?

- Yeah. Tecna and Timmy were also knocked out, Bloom. Just in case you care about that.

- Kindness spell? And non-agression spell? That’s kinda cool actually. But problematic... again.

- I am not quite sure what Bloom did but I am actually glad to see they went with a hug there (and it was cute). But how many times are they going to become a boyfriend and a girlfriend? I thought we were over this.

2x11:

- Brandon is at it again. A true specialist... in dating tips. XD

- Wow, Flora. Nice Helia spell you got there. (Btw I am so loving that we get to see them in different classes and learning things! Yes, this is what I’m here for!) But Layla was so ready to help! And I also love that Flora went to Layla instead of anyone else. It’s really cute that they got so close so fast. (”He’s crazy if he doesn’t like you.” Perhaps Layla is the one who likes Flora. XD)

- Shoulda listened to Brandon, Timmy. (But Tecna so boldly went for the “us”. You go, girl!)

- Idk but to me “The Archaic Spells of Spheria” doesn’t sound any good tbh.

- Of course Stella is all about the romantic movies. But poor pixies. They had to imprison them to save them.

- Why did all of the boys know about the Codex in the previous ep but the girls have no clue about it? Why is Faragonda keeping it from them if everyone at Red Fountain knows about it?

- What was Faragonda doing? And why did she make Bloom look for the spell? Couldn’t she do that herself? (Also, she just threw the book like that on the floor. I get why it prompted her derision but damn, really?)

2x12:

- Flora and Helia are such romantic dorks. And they’re bringing their A game there. Poems and flowers... A beautiful romance blooms. (I’ll stop now.)

- This convergence talk is giving me all the friendship feels. Not just for Winx but also for Faragonda and Griffin since they have been spotted doing convergence too. Ugh, my heart!

- Wow, Riven sure has a lot of pictures of Musa, considering the way he’s acting.

- “Kind of involved”? Mhm, sure.

- So I understand Musa’s frustration with Stella’s meddling but on the other hand I can see Stella’s point. I love Musa x Riven but Riven doesn’t seem exactly present and Musa herself stated that she’s not really sure what the status of their relationship is so...

- Okay, but there is no way in hell that it is Darcy’s birthday. It is fall currently and Darcy’s birthday is May 5 according to Wiki. So yeah, no.

- I am getting a bit sidetracked again but can we talk about the fact that Bloom and Stella couldn’t do convergence after a simple disagreement even though they’re together like 24/7 while Griffin and Faragonda managed to do it seamlessly at the end of season 1 after not speaking to each other for years and kind of getting into a fight the last time they spoke at the Day of the Royals. Friendship goals (well, besides the silent treatment.)

- Okay but I think it wasn’t right to blame Stella. She didn’t say anything that was inherently offensive. She suggested that they try to get closer. That isn’t bad even if it upsets someone indirectly. There was no need to blame her. They should’ve just focused on making Layla feel better.

- Why do I feel like none of them really had friends before they found each other? But hey, they are this big found family now and that is awesome! (I am getting all the feels again.)

- And Darcy is messing up the magical reality chamber again. Didn’t we do that already? Also, why didn’t they try to... idk, take precautions and put better security on it considering how dangerous it can be? Like, those are simple things. Please, be responsible.

- Better not play Truth or Dare with Stella. Unless you wanna be kissing ogres. XD

- That was a good save Layla pulled off there. Also, I love how the girls are mad at the “technical” issues. Tbh they are right to. How many times are they gonna get stuck in the wrong world when sent into the magical reality chamber? Like, get your shit together teachers. Also, why don’t they simply do a test run before they get anyone inside it? You’d think they’d learn their lesson.

- Damn, they can be deleted if the program is turned off? Why didn’t Darcy just have Jarred unplug it then? Winx are erased forever. Boom, problem solved. For the Trix, I mean.

- Aww, the pixies were ready to go in. That was cute.

- I LOVED that convergence! It was such a cool idea to have them make a figure. Also, they just created life. Damn! I am impressed.

2x13:

- Poor Layla. She has all those nightmares. But at least Piff helps! That’s really cute.

- I see Flora still hasn’t solved the Helia problem yet.

- They just ditched school to go to a club. What chaotic dumbass energy, I can’t.

- Aww, Layla is sharing about her harsh childhood. At least she has friends she can talk to now. But damn the difference between Andros and Solaria is very striking in scenes like that.

- Layla totally nailed that improv. Nice, you go, girl!

- I love the difference between Griselda and Faragonda! XD

- I loved that convo between Bloom and Vanessa! Yes, thank you for that. I am a little confused as to when Bloom learned Daphne was her sister. Did I miss something or did the writers miss something? But aww, Vanessa can’t see Locket. That’s making me sad. :(

- They did go to the club, though, huh? Nice one, you guys.

- How will Faragonda learn if they use magic on humans but not otherwise? That doesn’t sound very logical to me. (Speaking of logic, where is Tecna? They didn’t show her in this ep.)

- Oh, no! Poor Layla. But damn, she’s powerful. And the others are there to help her. (The pixies can cause so much trouble considering how small they are.)

- I love how Faragonda and Griselda just showed up to get them. It was cute. Though, now they’re being punished. Well, technically, Bloom didn’t break any rules because she had permission to leave but I guess she’s also in this because she shouldn’t have taken the others with her. (Cheeky to welcome Faragonda and Griselda to Earth.) At least Faragonda managed to get them the permission for music back from Griselda. XD

- Aww, babies! They are so tired from cleaning the whole school, they fell asleep. And the pixies helped, too.

- I’m not sure how Flora got that Helia is “the one” from talking to him for half a minute, but damn, wanna share those powers with the rest of us so that we can know immediately when we’ve met the one as well? (It was so cute to see Flora lean on Layla to sleep with her. And Piff, too. If she weren’t just talking about Helia, they would’ve been like a picture perfect family.)

This got very long so I decided to split the post for this season in parts. Part 2.

[in-tua-deep]

My dude, my buddy, my guy, my gal, my pal. Please yeet more of this daemon AU at me, I'm super interested in this whole idea and would love to hear more, how do all of the daemons interact with each other?? What are the little quirks shared between daemon and human?? Did any of them have a phase where they couldn't stand their daemon?? Did Vanya's owl claw out Leonard's eyes when the truth came out?? How exactly would they find out that Five's daemon didn't settle?? I'm living for this AU now

oh i am SO ready for more daemon au are you kidding here we go starting with some NAMES because all good ocs need names and while the first post was mainly for just saying what animal is what now i can develop it into a full au and no one can stop me

So the kids and their daemons share a name for most of their lives, they’re both just,, one or two and so on. But when they get names they run into the roadblock of “do our daemons get the same names as us??” and realize that their one (1) example of a human/daemon relationship is their dad he his daemon doesn’t share his name so… probably not. But he only ordered Grace to give the human in the relationship a name so it’s up to their what their daemons names will be

I’m thinking Luther probably gave his daemon a space themed name because he’s my good space boy so I’m going to name his daemon Andromeda after the galaxy !! I think she would have wanted a somewhat regal sounding name because she tries really hard to model herself after Reggie’s daemon, who is the very definition of regal. Luther calls her Dromeda or Drom for short occasionally

Diego’s daemon HMMM i’m gonna say Valencia, Val for short because that means brave and I think it would be important to Diego to have a defender of some kind and they both would want so desperately to be brave bless their hearts

oh man i am absolutely naming Allison’s daemon Amraphel which means “one that speaks of secrets” and Allison calls him Raph for short and he’s still lazy and I still love him a whole lot

Klaus’s daemon i’m admittedly a bit stuck on but i’m gonna call them Rowan because it’s a tree that symbolizes life and courage and as some very fearful kids with death powers I think they’d appreciate it. Rowan is nonbinary btw (”are you a girl or a boy” “i’m made of fucking dust why does it matter”)

I named Five’s daemon Pancha because I like it and I feel like naming her Quinque, which is Five in Latin, would be way obvious because if you think Reggie didn’t make these kids learn an archaic dead language because he’s a pretentious ass then you’re probably wrong so yes Pancha it is and when the kids figure out it’s literally the number five in another language they’re going to throw a fit

Ben’s daemon is named Tamaya which means in the center literally just because they’re in the middle of two planes of existence and one is full of monsters and also because i like the name Tama as well so this is really two birds with one stone and no one can stop me

and finally Vanya’s daemon is named Pollux for exactly no reason other than because I say so and it sounds like it could be a name for a daemons from the books which i was trying very hard for the aesthetic with all the names but it’s been so long since i’ve read them oops

ALRIGHT with that over with i can actually yell about them which i’m putting under the cut because this is going to be long as FUCK

so how the daemons interact with each other… I’m probably going to leave out Tamaya for most just bc most of them don’t know that she survived Ben’s death for like,, a really long time in the fic i have half planned in my head

SO i already mentioned Andromeda is kind of a stick in the mud and unimpressed with her siblings shenanigans. She tries really hard to emulate their dad/their dad’s daemon but doesn’t have the control on her temper that she should. She’s blunt and says what she’s thinking, she doesn’t really care about the fact that daemons don’t usually speak to people that aren’t their own and she’ll boss everyone around given the chance tbh

She doesn’t get along with Val at all and there’s a lot of posturing between the two especially after they both settle. Generally she’s dismissive but occasionally she taunts Val with the fact that she settled as something that protects against wolves, and that clearly Val is too wild to ever amount to much. Val hits right back calling her and Luther “Dad’s obedient little dogs” and just generally when you have Luther and Diego going at one another Drom and Val are only half a step behind them

She gets along well with Raph and often carries him around when Allison calls him lazy and refuses to do it. Despite that thought Raph is like,, super muscular and strong and he’s a bigass snake, Drom used to carry him into position during missions and let’s just say they were a solid interrogation team with Drom’s teeth and Raph literally squeezing information out of people when necessary (though he can always rumor people just like Allison, he’s not fond of doing it and calls it cheating because he’s a contrary bastard). He tends to help immobilizing people and their daemons and is used as a restraint a lot until their people with thumbs can come along with rope or something

Andromeda and Rowan do NOT get along, mainly because Rowan is pretty vocal about the fact that their dad fucked them up and has no respect. Some of it also comes from the fact that Andromeda is a little jealous of Rowan’s grace as a cat because their dad’s fox daemon is exceptionally graceful and regal. But generally Andromeda ignores Rowan or growls at him, she’s never physically laid a paw on him outside of sparring until that scene with drunk and depressed Luther though

Andromeda,, also doesn’t really get along with Pancha either. It has a lot to do with the fact that as kids Pancha was constantly shifting where Drom would keep a form and stick to it. She would often tell Pancha that one day she’d settle well lmao jokes on her. Pancha used to frequently insults Drom’s intelligence and has called her a “dumb mutt” before but upon return those insults have been conspicuously absent for ALL the siblings. Five still has a fairly venomous tongue, but Pancha keeps her silence.

Andromeda and Pollux don’t have a relationship, simple as that. She ignores Pollux’s existence, even when the other daemon attempts to interact with her. She basically assumes their father is correct in Vanya’s uselessness and as such doesn’t care all that much about either of them. To be fair Pollux has learned from their childhood and doesn’t interact with Andromeda much either, and even when Vanya attempts to like,, call Luther out Pollux keeps his silence.

Val doesn’t like Andromeda and isn’t afraid to show it, bristling and snarling. Val actually settled first of the two of them (a point of pride), and some part of her is a little hurt that Drom turned into a dog that protects a pack from wolves and took it personally as Luther’s literal soul saying that he didn’t see Diego and her as part of the pack. 

Her and Raph don’t really talk a lot but they have a lot of relatable sibling-eye-contact moments over their family being dumb shits and whenever Andromeda wasn’t available it was Val who would carry Raph so they’re actually closer to one another than their people are. Raph firmly refuses to get between any argument of Drom and Val’s and would 100% rumor them apart when they were all kids because Raph was Sick Of Their Shit™ despite his general distaste for rumoring

Val and Rowan get along pretty well actually, Rowan frequently hops up to ride on her back like they’re the captain of a furry wolf shaped ship and Val allows it even though she thinks they’re a little shit. Rowan used to hide behind Val from Reggie and his daemon and Val might still have a lot of protective pack instincts that she showers on them because they allow it. Val may or may not be 90% of the reason that Diego just sighs and lets Klaus tag along whenever, though Diego and Val often disagree on how to handle the Klaus/Rowan situation since Val wants to kidnap them both and keep them safe in their boiler room while Diego is of the firm belief that Klaus is a big boy now and they aren’t responsible for him. 

Val thought Pancha was a mischievous little shit when they were kids as the other daemon would frequently jump wherever she pleased. Val isn’t surprised when Pancha “settles” as a hare since they’re associated with tricksters and are more solitary and independent and tougher than their rabbit counterparts. She’s super worried about Pancha when she arrived back with Five though, since the other daemon is far more withdrawn and look daemons are representations of someone’s soul they can’t lie - Five can put on a tough act all he likes but Pancha’s behavior is pretty clearly off and she looks at all of them like she’s seeing ghosts. Val is the one to carry Pancha back after the shrapnel incident, swearing because she knew she should have been suspicious that Five was carrying Pancha when she’d always hated being carried when they were kids

Val doesn’t particularly care for Pollux and is actually mildly uneasy around him. There’s just something… off about the other daemon. It raises Val’s hackles even if she doesn’t know why, and she doesn’t figure it out until after the fact that the reason she was wary of Pollux is literally because on some level she recognized the chains on him via the medication and was repulsed even though it wasn’t Pollux’s fault. She’s trying to be better after the fact with him.

I’m making myself so sad about Pollux right now tbh he deserves so much better than what he’s got but moving on

Raph is honestly the chillest daemon with everyone else’s daemon. No one has beef with Raph. Like, they might have beef with Allison, but not with Raph which might be why Allison and Raph are probably the least in sync out of the siblings with their daemon actually outside of Vanya. Raph loves Andromeda who carries him places and doesn’t mind him winding up on her because she’s warm. 

Raph considers Val to be his bitchface pal and they bond over their people being stupid. Honestly Raph just wants to sleep for the most part. But legit though Allison and Raph need an intervention for them never being on the same page I think Raph might resent Allison leaving to become a star and he’s the one that dislikes using their power and constantly advised against using it so he might, on some level, blame Allison for them losing Claire (and Allison wonders if the stereotype against snake daemons played a role and sort of blames him) and honestly their relationship is a fucking mess

Raph and Rowan are chill, they’re bros, they know what they’re about. Raph thinks Rowan’s sense of humor is fucking hilarious and they’re both sleepy bitches (Rowan is a cat they knows what they’re about regarding catnaps) so they napped together a lot when everyone was under the same roof. They’re at an unspoken truce regarding the drug issue because unlike the rest of the family Raph actually listens when Rowan explains about their power being the fucking worst and having to numb it down after Raph offers to rumor them to get clean. But yeah like Allison and Klaus don’t hang out much but Raph and Rowan are bros.

I said Raph gets along with p much everyone but he’s not super close with Pancha simply because she was constantly on the move and shifting every other minute as kids back when everyone was unsettled like she was constantly itching to get out of her own skin. Like, Pancha’s thing is moving and being quick and honestly Raph is a little surprised she didn’t settle as a bird daemon the way she flits about. Raph being lazy, they didn’t see much of one another but he was always up for a conversation when Pancha calmed down enough or exhausted herself. He likes her, he just thinks she’s exhausting. He’s much more concerned for her after she gets back from the apocalypse though.

Raph and Pollux kind of,, also don’t have a big relationship tbh. There’s just something about Pollux that makes Raph uneasy, but he’s a chill dude and is probably one of the closest to Pollux after Pancha. Sometimes when Raph would be going slithering through the house, Pollux would sit upon his back and chill as they both went to whatever destination. Raph does think it’s a little weird that Pollux doesn’t fly considering he’s, you know, a bird, but he doesn’t press the issue (which he regrets, later). But overall he’s not nearly as interested in mending bridges with Vanya as Allison is since there’s still that something that prevents him from fully liking Pollux. But as the plot progresses he warms up to the idea more and more without realizing that the reason he’s warming is because they stopped taking the drugs hmm

Rowan doesn’t get along with Andromeda but they’re pretty chill with everyone else’s daemons. They get surprisingly protective of their siblings and even though Klaus isn’t great in a fight pre-Vietnam, Rowan isn’t afraid to flash their claws when necessary. The biggest reason they got kidnapped is because Hazel’s daemon didn’t come to the firefight in the manor and they weren’t willing to break the taboo on touching a human when it seemed like the primary objective was to take Klaus not to kill him. They ended up regretting it for the torture scene though oof.

Rowan loves Val a whole lot and likes trying to groom her and they 100% climb up on Val’s back when they feel like being lazy. Rowan is a self proclaimed dog person though they often say that there are always exceptions and eye Andromeda but this comes up again with Dave and his australian cattle dog daemon where, when they meet, Rowan blurts out that they’re a dog person and Dave’s daemon snorts in laughter considering that Klaus’s daemon is literally a cat. He is the personification of ‘cat person’ his soul is a cAT.

I already yelled about Rowan and Raph being nap buds, they like Raph because he’s never judged them and just accepts that they know their powers well enough to know what does and doesn’t work

Rowan and Pancha actually get along weirdly well?? Like, Rowan can be off the walls crazy at times as you know cats get that simply zest for life and just go fucking nuts for a while before going back to sleep?? so Rowan is actually one of the few of the siblings daemons who could keep up with her when they were kids and Pancha was the last of them unsettled. There was a minor freak out where they didn’t see Pancha at first when Five popped out of the portal which prompted the whole “does anyone else see little number five” comment bc ghosts don’t have daemons but then Pancha popped up and Rowan was so fuCKING RELIEVED and continuously prodded at Klaus to follow either Diego or Five because they want to hang out with Val and Pancha

The only one of the siblings daemons who knows that Tamaya is still alive. She doesn’t speak almost at all, only rarely talking to Klaus but she talks a little more to Rowan. Tamaya is usually curled up in Klaus’s pockets or general clothing but there have been a few occasions where she rides on Rowan’s shoulders or goes off on her own for a little while (those are the occasions where Ben’s ghost also goes off for a little while, neither Klaus nor Rowan question where they go). Tamaya also occasions hides in Klaus’s room instead of accompanying them places. During the kidnapping she nibbles through Klaus’s restraints and allows him to escape a little more easily since no one expects an unaccompanied daemon, haven’t decided yet how this impacts the whole Patch dying situation

Rowan doesn’t really talk to Pollux and Pollux doesn’t talk to them, though Rowan does care about Pollux. Rowan is the most easygoing with Pollux because honestly being high means that they don’t notice Pollux’s strangeness on the same level as the others and will often direct comments towards the owl daemon. Pollux rarely responds, however.

Pancha time!! I love Pancha she’s a ball of nervous energy and can’t sit still half the time. As a kid she was constantly shifting between animals like she would run across a room and be five different animals in the time it took her to get to the other end, just always restless. She and Five kept each other sane in the apocalypse - I haven’t decided whether Dolores exists in this au and if she does would she get a stuffed animal daemon?? Decisions decisions. She’s changed a LOT from the Pancha that the others remember and is noticeably a lot more quiet and standoffish, but also she fades into the background where as a kid she was constantly bursting to the foreground and demanding attention. She looks at them all like they’re ghosts and will flinch when addressed sometimes even by other daemons. The others can sense there’s something just a little bit off about her but attribute that to the trauma (eventually though it comes out that Pancha is still unsettled and that explains it)

Pancha never got along with Andromeda and they butted heads a lot before Pancha left. Pancha’s a smartass daemon alongside her person so would frequently insult Andromeda’s intelligence or go off plan because she thought of something better and would frequently yell for Andromeda to ‘adapt!’ because that was her biggest criticism. Her fluidly changing from one form to another depending on the situation was her calling card for adapting and Andromeda would always growl that one day Pancha would have to settle and Pancha would shrug it off. As adults they still don’t really see eye to eye though Pancha has noticeably softened towards Andromeda. She doesn’t call the other daemon a dumb mutt anymore and in fact doesn’t insult any of the others at all.

Pancha liked irritating Val when they were kids but still got along reasonably well with her. Now that they’re back, Val is noticeably more protective of her family and Pancha is included with that. There are a couple of moments where Val bores holes into Pancha’s head to try and telepathically ask if the hare is okay that Pancha doesn’t respond to. When Five and Pancha are drunk off their asses, Val is the one who carries Pancha even though Luther is carrying Five. She insisted. She also carried Pancha home after the shrapnel injury and curled around her on the bed absolutely FURIOUS that someone dared to hurt her sibling. Pancha says some things while drunk that break Val’s heart, and Pancha never protests the coddling unlike Five. She doesn’t lean into it, but she doesn’t protest it.

Pancha and Raph aren’t close but Pancha likes the other daemon regardless because he never did pry into her business and showed her how to do cool tricks as a snake after he settled and she didn’t. Raph never made comments about her being the last to settle unlike most of the others (even though Ben and Vanya only ever mentioned it kindly).

Pancha and Rowan are bros though Pancha disapproves of Rowan drugging themself to keep the powers at bay and always expresses that they have faith that Rowan will learn to control them one day. Honestly Rowan finds it kind of nice even if Pancha disapproves because at least she disapproves because she 100% believes in them instead of being disapproving for disapproval’s sake. Pancha expresses that even drugged Rowan is one of the most observant of their siblings. Rowan worries about her after she comes back and keeps trying to convince Klaus to go after Five, but Five has a very venomous tongue and Klaus is delicate no matter how much Rowan figures it’s just a defense mechanism since Pancha doesn’t echo the sentiments. Rowan is worried about Five as well. Rowan is just worried :(

Pancha is the only one in the family who loves Pollux and actively seeks the other daemon out. She knows something isn’t right, but instead of being repulsed finds herself delighted at the mystery and assumes that the ‘wrongness’ is why Pollux doesn’t fly. Before Pancha jumped to the apocalypse, she kept trying to teach Pollux how to fly by shifting into various birds but it never did stick.

Yeah though Pollux is a daemon that really unnerves other daemons because they can tell something is terribly wrong even if they can’t quite put their finger on what. Pollux and Vanya don’t really communicate either and get second place in the “our human/daemon relationship is super messed up” after Allison and Raph. 

Pollux doesn’t really speak. To anyone. Especially after Five and Pancha vanish. He’s just,, not really all the way there to be honest. He goes where Vanya does but does precious little, often standing as still as a statue on his perch until moved again. Sometimes he’ll interact with other daemons but not usually by speaking - he’s sat on Raph’s back or tugged at Andromeda’s fur to get her attention or silently stood in someone’s way but seriously for the most part he’s somewhat catatonic. 

After they go off the meds he starts perking up again and speaks for the first time in years to Leonard/Harold and his skua daemon. He actually does have a personality, but he’s been suppressed for so long that he’s still figuring himself out alongside Vanya tbh 

As the White Violin his colors switch and instead of being brown with white spots as a spotted owl he becomes white with brown spots. He also is constantly flying while they’re using their powers, flapping and keeping himself aloft roughly above Vanya’s head, half suspended by their own power. As they figure out control, they eventually realize that it’s Pollux who can direct their sound based attacks with his wings and if Vanya tries to go alone it’s uncontrolled like the attack on the trucker dudes without the focus of her violin. They have to work together to control Vanya’s powers, and it’s difficult because they genuinely don’t really have much of a relationship or know each other very well since they’ve been sedated since Vanya was like, four years old

this post is already so so long so i’ll cut it off here probably but yeAH there’s probably a scene where Pollux attacks Leonard/Harold’s daemon and claws her eye out and there’s a translated wound on Leonard because that’s how daemons work and then they both get fucked up by Vanya and Pollux’s powers/knife storm thing

(Pollux isn’t as angry as Vanya is, truthfully. He’s just… tired. He’s so tired. Vanya wants to end the world in her fury. Pollux wants to end it just so everything… stops.)

but yes please keep asking me questions about this au i’m living for it i love these dumb idiots and their daemons

(still need to come up names for the background character daemons, there’s a part of my mind whispering don’t you fucking dare name reginald’s daemon regina soul i swear to fuck so that’s a thing - i’ll also take suggestions for background character daemon names as well!! it was hard enough coming up with these losers)

[irageneveart]

there are so many things a 16 years old person should be doing beside throwing hate, BUT HERE YOU ARE BEING A BRAT

@bfmyers I really can't take this anymore, are you really that full of hypocrisy to scream TOXIC left and right while you yourself use your free time to only spread hate? I don’t usually do this and I try to stay away from useless discourse but you're just kicking on my nerves way too much

under the cut cause boy I have a lot to say. (really, it’s long. I needed to point out everything)

I'm going to kindly tell you to fuck off artists' backs.

you have 0 fucking knowledge of what you're talking about yet you're making callouts and worse, people agree! the same people who supported the artists before by reblogging and liking their art are now shitting on them and "ihh no more reblogs from them" only because you write a lengthy shit in which not only that you threaten a human being, you don't even know how to argue. a link to a picture and screaming "toxic" ISN'T A GODDAMN ARGUMENT

people of this community, PLEASE use your fucking brains and don't bow your head to what every nameless kid has to say. you don't have to believe me either, just use your fucking brain and heart and do the decision making yourself

Now, you did a callout post on @dbd-omija pointing out how toxic they are!!! omg gasp animal death? abuse?? HOW IS THAT pOsSIbLe

where have you been until now because this is a horror community:

in the TCM universe inbreeding is mentioned multiple times

in the Halloween movies Michael kills two dogs and eats one of them

omija clearly stated they went with the 1978-2018 timeline BUT NO YOU KEPT SCREAMING BECAUSE HOW DARE THEY SAY SOMETHING AGAINST YOU

on that matter: in the halloween movies Michael's cult makes him rape his niece, in another movie Laurie, before jumping to what it seemed her death, kisses Michael's mask lips. GASP, when will you sue the directors?

after he escaped, Max literally slaughtered every living creature in that farm. put the DBD devs on your "I need to sue them cause I have something to say against this horror game!!!" list

If there’s something I can agree with you on, it’s about tags. Yes, these are triggers, yes tagging is important, but let’s not forget that being in this community IS about being surrounded by triggers. out of courtesy sure, we should tag our stuff accordingly, but to go all out to say “omija, if you’re reading this, i’m going to pee in your mouth.” HOW. IS. THIS. ACCEPTED?! HOW

HOW THE FUCK PEOPLE WHO REBLOGGED THAT CALLOUT THOUGHT YES THIS IS GOOD?!!?!

now you said that Omija's making all of these seem cute and that’s the real problem. this is where you are sooo wrong and let me explain:

a round head doesn't instantly make everything cute. there are many many details that the human eye perceives as cute, things that artists go to when they want their art to be seen as cute. from the color chosen to the way their eyes and mouths are drawn, to the very line work they’re using. yes, shapes count too, but this is not the case and we should get out of our tiny box and see the big picture. Their comics are not meant to be cute, actually much respect to them for being brave enough to approach well known subjects that are not explored. But that’s it. If YOU see it as cute then it’s your problem really. Art and fiction is prone to interpretation

If anything, how much cute stuff we have in the community should be the anomaly, not that someone draws anxious Bubba

omija's Amanda and Bubba art is problematic! someone asks why, you: because is toxic!!!

really? I actually think that, given their individual personalities, omija portraits the ship’s dynamic really well. Amanda is not dealing well with her feelings and with humans and Bubba has problems understanding things in general. they are two deranged people finding a way to cope and to accept another human presence nearby. "Amanda is picking on a disabled person how can you say it's well!!!!" let me remind you that his entire family is picking on his disabilities and the fact that he loves but also FEARS his family is a big theme in Leatherface's story and personality

Also, another argument of yours was about “the power play” and how that’s problematic. I’m...honestly surprised you even thought of this argument because the entire slasher fandom, the movies, everything slasher related IS BASED ON POWER PLAY. Have you read what they wrote for Laurie/Michael to say the ship is based on power play and it’s wrong? No, me neither, cause I don’t care, but you seem to care enough to vomit about it. Go read some things and tell me how problematic the writing is, you need to call out writers too after all

Btw, surprise! I don't ship neither of the mentioned ships, but I can use my brain enough to see what omija does is actually well made and well thought, sick, weird in some instances, but well thought. kudos to you artist. I can also see those who ship Laurie and Michael are still nice people

But just like you and many others I have my own morals (do you now? Exposing yourself like that to NSFW content while so many people are scared for their life because of people like you? hmmmm) and I can’t really stand explicit pedophilia. I’ve read so many books or seen so many movies where it was mentioned, it’s a trigger factor, it’s taboo, therefore is normal to be used in darker works. It all depends on the circumstances and the way it is presented, cause it’s a piece of fiction. Nobody attacked George R. R. Martin for the controversial things he had written in his books right? I wonder why

Because, another surprise, fiction is different than reality and only this argument alone should be enough, but some monkey brains out there will come to scream at me how fiction affects reality. Someone who writes a murder mystery isn’t actually killing people when they put pen to paper. People who play shooter games do not wish to shoot people in real life. Someone who writes about rape will not welcome the rapist in their arms nor do they wish to rape someone. So on, it’s simple, again, we just need to use our brains.

If you have bullying-related or a family related or any thing related trauma and you see a Michael/Laurie fic or Quentin/Freddy or whatever other ships or subjects you have seen around, and decide to click on it, and then you have a negative reaction, that fiction is not harming you. Your unresolved trauma is harming you. Your decision to read something when you know it triggers you is harming you. The past actions of yourself and those who inflicted harm upon you are harming you. All of those things – your trauma, your real-life bullies, your actions – are real, and have the ability to harm you. (the italic bits are from @dracfics who said it better than I ever could put in words. Thank you)

next on your "who am I going to shit on today" is @renlvbon

not gonna lie, for the omija callout I read everything searching to see whenever you are right or not. I don’t personally know either of the artists but I could read enough to see you’re just a self entitled person with something to say regarding everything. for ren's callout I simply skipped after I saw your argument.

you're not doing gods' work by opening people's' eyes that they can or should portray the characters the way they are, disabled and gross. no, you're just picking on someone's art style

Can we stop this toxic nonsense???

don't get me wrong, I agree that we shouldn't make them supermodels and we shouldn't erase what they are, fucking ugly and gross killers, but saying people who don't draw them a certain way are cowards or calling them out or whatever else shit is TOXIC and ANNOYING. We all change them more or less, we have to because none of us are the original creators! We’re just thirsty people making them to be what we want and what we imagine because they’re fucking fiction

I’ve seen people agreeing with you saying the artist should consider real people with disabilities or on the heavier side (“like me” they pointed out). I’m so sorry if this comes out as rude but if you search or need validation in a horror community that’s not a good thing at all! Body positivity and a healthy approach to disabilities should. not. be. searched. in. a. horror. community or any community on tumblr for that matter. You want some positivity on that? In a real case scenario with them we all would die, no matter how you look like

Going back to the artists, some people don't have experience/ are insecure/ are uncomfortable drawing body hair or fat bodies or whatever. That doesn’t make them fatphobic or whatever shit I saw you writing in your tags.

Drawing a black character less than the color YOU think is good? Have you ever tried to color skin? There are so many ways to do it, there are so so many colors you combine and you play around with + lighting and shading that alters everything. and yeah maybe some people pick a different color, a lighter one, or a more yellow one than they should for asiatic people, or whatever. but these tones are NOT easy to get well (you can always put a brown color down and to call it a day, but maybe people won’t want that. They don’t want to be disrespectful, exactly cause there are predators like you that don’t know how to help, only how to fucking scream). Or maybe they simply don’t know how. Every artist has their own range of comfort zone, be it about subject - composition - colors - etc. I don’t do well with neon colors for example, it happens. Hell even the screen you’re using alters the colors

How about giving actual tips, support and explanations instead of rude call outs? And don’t come at me with the “color picker” shit cause color picker from a real life photo is hell and if you don’t know some color theory your art is going to look dull and lifeless regardless

The only time I can agree that whitewashing is wrong is when white-supremacy, nazi and other ugly shits like these are coming into the topic. But it’s not the case here

some young artists don't have the skill to draw certain body shapes, or body hair, or even a non-anime face. some others think putting a scar on the character’s face make them 'uglier' and ‘scarier’ and for them that's enough AND THAT'S ALRIGHT

drawing something that's supposed to be ugly but still having anatomy and proportions and a functionable mouth or eyes placement or whatever ISN'T EASY. ofc, you can go all out if that's what you want, but personally I want things to still be working because at the end of the day every single one of them is human. I'm not drawing dark fantasy in this fandom, I'm drawing slashers

NO ONE IS DRAWING FOR YOU. NO ONE IS USING THEIR SKILL TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD. art and writing, especially when is made in the free time of the creator, is made FOR THEMSELVES. If there are people enjoying it? Yay, that’s a win, but no one expects everybody on this planet to like what they’re doing. We’re getting back to that golden rule, DON’T LIKE: MOVE THE FUCK ON/ BLOCK AND LIVE YOUR LIFE. EASY. no one uses these unnecessary callouts for anything, if you have something to say do so kindly, if you can’t, just vent to your friends

So now let’s wrap it up cause IDK how many of you even make it through this point

can we fucking stop making young artists and writers cowards for drawing or writing how they can and however they fucking want? Please and thank you

this shit going on with "the best artist/writer for x y z character" or "conventionally drawing ugly Bubba uwu" will just destroy the confidence of whoever wants to keep drawing or writing or joining the fandom. There’s no competition who draws Bubba the ugliest nor who writes Michael the best. if you can do things a certain way, do it, and let the rest draw and write whatever they can WITHOUT FEARING THEY'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

now I'm waiting for your very "well" argumented reply but I hope you'll understand that what you're doing is TOXIC and you should stop or at least change your way to address things. You’re talking to other human beings, not a void when you can throw any random thought you have in the morning. I don't care about you to be honest, but there are so many people out there following your words mindlessly and the creators are suffering and it's not fair.

don't forget to tell me to go kill myself. have a nice day

[killianmesmalls]

FINALLY!!! My con recap is... long. And I’m wordy. And it’s long. BUT IT’S HERE! Below the cut for anyone who is crazy enough to read it all. 

Friday:

By the time the weekend really got started, I had already had the chance to meet up with @lillpon Wednesday evening for a last-day-at-work happy hour and then again when she, @justmilah, and @fraddit came over to my place to hang out, watch Once, and put the totally last minute touches on my Tilly cosplay. (Also, BTW, yes I am using nicknames because 1) I figure it’s easier for people to follow along and 2) I don’t know how much some people want their real names to be attached to fellow crazies and sent into the ether.) We ended up venturing down to pick up the car from my father-in-law, and on the way found a meeting place for @queen-mabs-revenge to gather with us. Now, we couldn’t find her, kept checking to see where she might be, when LO, HERE COMETH A TINY ITALIAN IN A BIG MCFRIGGIN HAT. Yes, she was indeed sauntering down 8th Avenue in her Lt. Jones hat, which was probably the 18th weird thing most passing New Yorkers had seen in the two hours since they had woken up.

We then all tackle each other and me, @fraddit, @justmilah, and @queen-mabs-revenge continue on to meet my FIL for the car, where Mabs was super on board with helping him trek stuff from the trunk back to his apartment after seconds of meeting him. Such a polite. Without much ado, we make our way to the middle of friggin nowhere New Jersey, aided by the very comforting fact that Mabs navigates the way I need to be navigated to. Much thanks. Many appreciate. Wow.

Our first stop once we go around in circles a few times since driving in Whippany itself is a damn adventure was to meet up with @thesschesthair. While Mabs is confusing the front desk dude with her hat, Chesty over there gives us a call and I sneak out, lock eyes across the dingy parking lot of the Red Carpet Inn, by its derelict diner, and leap into her arms. She then comes over to attack Milah and Fraddit before properly grabbing Mabs so hard they were close to osmosis.

I’m not going to lie, it’s at this point through to Monday evening where things sort of blur. Mabs and Chesty requested rooms beside each other and GUESS WHAT. Yep, you guessed it, they had rooms that actually were connected by a door that was hidden behind Mabs’s oversized fridge. Oh! And there was a random toilet just hanging out outside their rooms. Because, why not? When Puh Pah has to go, he has to go. Also, it’s here that Mabs gives us all Alice-themed totes from Poundland (YES, LAUGH, IT’S GREAT) and then we do roundabouts again to get to the Marriott where the rest of us are staying.

Registration was a breeze, and then we collapse into the lounge area where we meet up with @theonceoverthinker and an already-registered Chesty, where she and I are off to the side making inappropriate jokes and then deciding it’s time to wine o’clock this con. Guys? The pub in the Marriott got some play by the Pirate Crew (thank you, @freifraufischer for dubbing us all as pirates), we tried their Poisoned Apple sangria, shot the shit, and then went about checking in and getting ourselves settled while at various points meeting up with @captregina, @lillpon, and @freifraufischer.

At some point (again because all is a blur) we went to Chris’s Q&A where I asked him a couple of questions and honestly blanked on most of the experience because OMFGITALKEDTOSMEE. Then Jared came on, was very much however you’d imagine Jared being, and I was still very much focused on Chris saying how much Smee would love Alice and knowing that Colin and Rose day was tomorrow.

Afterwards, we got autographs, where Mabs’s delightful totes came in handy and I had Gil, Chris, and Jared sign the back of the Alice tote. Gil was nice and I complimented Jared on how much him being open about anxiety meant to people, but it was Chris that, to me, was the MVP. He was incredibly personable, funny, and a total teddy bear. I asked him about the blooper he was in where it seemed like Smee was trying to convince Hook to not duel with Ahab (the one where Colin spat in his face) and Chris said he honestly forgot what was happening in that scene, but he would ask Colin. Still, the one thing he did remember was when he knelt down in front of Colin in the post-duel “Congratulations, Captain, you won!” scene, he split his pants. The camera was to his back, but his treasures were on full display in front of Colin.

I also asked Chris for a hug because, I mean, YOLO, and he obliged! Honestly, he’s a damn pumpkin and I adore him.

Now, there was karaoke night after this, but some of us were bad idea bears and decided to say “f--- this” and went into the pool with some sea salt gin Mabs had brought over. We’re super classy, guys.

...What happens at the pool, stays in the pool. :P

Saturday:

OMG COLIN AND ROSE DAY! COLIN AND ROSE DAY! COLIN AND ROSE DAY!

I was legit saying this and hopping up and down I don’t know how many times. I focused most of the morning trying to make sure I had myself together, getting my tights ripped just right, getting my hair done, venturing to @captregina’s room so I could do her hair (where I met @brave-lassie), doing her eyeliner, doing my makeup, meeting up with everyone, and trying to contain my feelings about COLIN AND ROSE DAY!!!

I missed most of the Wild Bunch Q&A in my efforts to get ready and in waiting for Rose’s photo ops. I lined up with Capt just by where the actors enter into the room they do the photo ops in and got my very first in-person look at Rose.

Guys.

GUYS.

That precious angel GLOWS. I cannot say enough how adorable and lovely she looks and is in person, but I will try my best. She’s insanely precious. Honestly, I was probably a walking hearteyes emoji. I try to keep my cool as I wait for her in line, where I’m set to get a picture with her than a shared picture with her and Capt, and the moment she sees me in my Tilly cosplay she exclaims, “NAILED IT!” Then, like a spastic idiot, I told her I couldn’t help myself since she’s my favorite, and she said, “You’re my favorite!” Bless her. She’s insanely personable and tilts her head to you, and is a personified cupcake.

After that, I brought Capt in for a shared picture with her, where we handed her my bunny mask and Rubik’s cube I had made with the help of Lill as we (plus Milah and Fraddit) had lounged on my couch Thursday night. She geeked out a bit over them, I asked her which one she wanted to hold, and she chose the Rubik’s cube, I held the mask, and Capt and I held a pillowcase she had gotten a while back that said, “We’re all mad here.”

Rapid fire they then did Colin and Chris photos followed by Colin and Rose, where all of us collectively lost our minds throughout. There are some pretty stellar ones people got with Colin and Chris, and then OMFG KNIGHTROOK.

Not going to lie, I kind of blanked on it a bit. I just remember saying “hi” to them both, taking a photo in the middle of them, and then ushering in PERFECT TACO HAT LT. JONES MCMABS in for the second photo, where I pulled a crazy face and she pulled that cheesy salute in that pic of him and Bernard.

Then was Rose’s Q&A, and as you can tell she’s still the embodiment of sunshine with a dash of silliness. I must have had a massive smile on my face the entire time in between bouts of laughter.

Before her panel ended, they called for Colin photos, which I needed to get to early because I had Rose’s meet and greet, but HELL NO WAS I MISSING ANY OF ROSE. Nope. So I stayed, then dashed out, and totally thought I’d be fine because…hey, I had already met and touched the man, how hard could this be?

BEING A NORMAL HUMAN AROUND HIM IS IMPOSSIBLE. I just hope I didn’t sound too much like an idiot when I said another hello and asked, “Do you mind if I give you a hug?”

Tired panda just opened his arms and we took a quick picture, and his face was SUPER CLOSE TO MINE and I didn’t know what to do with myself and suddenly that scruff was AGAINST MAH FACE. I think I entered a new plane of existence at some point but remembered I had feed and managed to use them to walk out and not completely venture to a new reality.

It was probably a good thing I didn’t have time to transcend to nirvana because ROSE’S MEET AND GREET WAS NEXT. It got off to a late start since Emilie was still in the room when we got up there, but I’d wait howmstever long for her.

SHE IS AN ANGEL. I mean, absolute, 100%, grade-A, undiluted angel. She makes an effort to engage with everyone and really make eye contact with you, speak to you for as much as she can, and is just naturally her sweet and funny self. She then took selfies with everyone, where I told her my name was “Carrie, like the movie” which is my default at Starbucks because then people know how to spell it. She fake scared and pretended like she was ducking her head and going to walk out, which we shared a laugh at before our picture.

I missed most of Karen David’s panel, but right afterward was COLIN!!! Tired panda did his best to wake up and be his silly, smartass self, bless his heart. I’m so glad he said he wished there were more to the KnightRook story because he feels like there’s more to explore with that and HARD AGREE, COL! Also massive, MASSIVE shoutout to Overthinker for her crazy awesome questions!!! You are indeed worthy of being his favorite!!! Also, props to @the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt for her original question about craft services. Dudes, the things we don’t think about!!! I need to try a grilled cheese with pickles now, that sounds AMAZING. OH! OH!!! AND HE DID THE WORM! AND SANG! How were we this #blessed?!?!

We then had a hot minute (or roughly 30) before KNIGHTROOK PANEL!!! Guys, those two and their dynamic will never not kill me. THOSE TWOOOOOOO!!!! HOW PERFECT ARE THEY?!?! I think their humor together is priceless and she’s like a damn coffee bean to him. It’s a good thing I like odd things because I CAN’T EVEN WITH THEM. (:smirk:) AS IF THAT WEREN’T ENOUGH he goes and kills us with his Millian answer and I see Mabs and Milah vibrating into the ether.

After that is almost immediately autographs, where they had us line up for Colin then head over to Rose. They tucked tired panda behind this black curtain, and Mabs, Capt, and I coordinated getting various things signed for us and others. When I told him something was for someone who had contributed to the Whitecaps charity, he replied, “Oh! Very good.” Then he got my spyglass and went all childishly curious, peeked inside the box, then raised his eyebrow and gave me a smirk.

Then it was off to see Rose, who was taking more time to talk to fans, which is understandable given the fact that Colin had a longer line and Rose also can’t seem to help herself. Chesty gave me her badge so I could get a second autograph, like a friggin champ, and I had Rose sign the spyglass and also had the title page of the manuscript I’ve written (I NEED TO FINISH EDITING IT) and told her it was a 1920s Alice in Wonderland retelling, and I thought having her sign it would be a good luck charm. She sounded super enthusiastic about it and wrote a long note for me on it, which I will for sure cherish forever!!!

OH! And on my way to get into the Rose line, I hear someone say my name and LO AND BEHOLD, IT’S @leiandcharles!!! HUZZAH!!! I probably sounded like a spaz because I was on a Colin and Rose high and was all over the place but she pretended to not be terrified of the insanity that was me… ANYWAY!

It was then time for dinner. With the pub PACKED TO THE GILLS, especially after there was a bomb scare at a nearby hotel so the people there had to come over to ours for a bit, a group of us went up to Capt’s room to hang out and get pizza. I’m probably going to blank on everyone that was in that room, but I do remember dragging Leia there, meeting @coaldustcanary, Overthinker kicking over my drink and being roasted about it by Chesty (still makes me giggle!), and generally being a nuisance with Capt, Mabs, and Milah while Fraddit, and Lill went off to introduce Chesty to Chipotle. It has since changed her life.

At some point we declare we should hang out at the pub again, and a group of us went to go shoot the shit until Mabs passed out right there in the booth (CALLIN’ YOU OUT, POPS!) and everyone was sufficiently either toasted or tired. Some of us then venture up to my room, and shenanigans ensued. THUS ENDETH COLIN AND ROSE DAY!

Sunday:

While I was sad this seemed like a less crazy day for us, I was also a bit relieved because hot DAMN was I tired after the day before. Still, we didn’t have much time to really collect ourselves because the Mills fam gold panel started at 10, so a group of us wandered down to breakfast.

We then get in to see Andrew, Lana, and Bex, where Lana and Bex were of course hysterical together, Andy looked cute, and you could feel the collective vibrating of all Regina and Zelena fans which was adorable. I mean, I love Regina, but there was some LOVE in that room from her Evil Regals. I do wish Andy had gotten a bit more attention or had been a bit more vocal, but it’s got to be hard to not just let Lana and Bex own the stage.

There was then a decent break before Bex’s panel. That woman, as you all likely know, is HYSTERICAL. She kept the room laughing through most of her panel, and you can see she has nothing but love for her fans and her costars.

After her panel, I don’t have anything I’m too fussed about until 2 (MILAH WAS ROBBED IN THAT VID CONTEST, BTW, JUST SAYING) and so some of us gather together for lunch in, you guessed it, the hotel pub! Dudes, our options were limited and it looked like a library and had loaded potato soup. What more do you want?

It’s then time to MEET LANA, where me, Mabs, and Capt try to strategically settle ourselves somewhere out of the way but close enough to the side door to get a good look at the queen as she walks in. And, DAMN, that woman is gorgeous! Me and Capt then leap into the line where she proceeds to get two very adorable photos done and then I get pulled in to get hugged by Lana (!!!!!!!!!) while Capt hugs her from the back. She was super sweet and patient the whole time with everyone, and you could really see how much she loves spending time with her fans.

We then decide some of us need shots because some of us (*cough* Capt *cough*) are about to pass out from being so near Her Majesty’s presence, and then we wander into the ballroom for Henry Squared’s panel. Andy was adorable, Jared was typical Jared. I’ll be honest, I don’t have anything from that panel that seems to stick out to me as a solid memory, though maybe that was the whiskey shot’s fault.

Then comes Lana’s panel and, once again, you can feel the energy of the Evil Regals in the room. For however silly Colin, Rose, and KnightRook panels are, HOLY DAMN Lana panels are just filled with all sorts of emotions! It was like a damn rollercoaster! I laughed, I teared up, I was generally all over the place. SO MANY FEELINGS, GUYS. It was delightful but also made me just desperately need to laugh about fart jokes with my fellow Colin heathens. WE DON’T KNOW EMOTIONS.

Sadly during the following break, it is time to say farewell to the spun sugar that is Lillpon. I console myself knowing I’ll see her again, but it’s depressingly others’ last time with her, but ONLY FOR NOW. Yes? Yes.

Next up is autos with Andrew and then Lana. Andrew was a sweetheart. I was standing next to Capt and Mabs, where we proceeded to tell him how great we thought he was in season 7 and how much that season and his performance in it meant to us and brought back some love for the show. He seemed genuinely touched and said it meant a lot to him to hear that. Bless that boy.

We then wait a bit for me, Capt, Mabs, and Milah to venture up for Lana’s autos. By the time we got to her, we had this whole strategic thing planned out where I’d bring up S7 Hooked Queen, Capt gets her Hooked Queen picture signed, and Mabs gets the word for Capt’s tattoo. Lana says she did expect when they started that she thought Hook and Regina were going to be a thing but alas. Oh! And Mabs tells her that they’ve got family from the same area of Sicily, where Lana proceeds to say they do kinda look alike, and it is now confirmed #fam.

With everything over, we head once again to, YOU GUESSED IT AGAIN, the hotel pub. Chesty and Fraddit have already settled in and eaten, and me, Mabs, Capt, Overthinker, and Milah get ourselves all ordered up where we both mourn the end of the weekend and still buzz from the high the last three days had given us. A series of more shenanigans ensues, and none of us are ready for the weekend to be over. I’m pretty sure we collectively tried to drag it out for as long as possible.

For one last hurrah, we then venture to the pool again and meet up with @reginamotherfuckingmills and @agntreginaskywalker, where we all debrief and collectively laugh about the weekend, in addition to getting all into our feels about how Swan Queen fans and Hook fans are being all chill and friendly with each other. WHO KNEW PEOPLE COULD HUMAN?!

It was a fantastic end to the weekend, and there were more days ahead that involved ridiculous conversations in the car (Thicc Lady and Pointy Boi! Is this Central Park?! etc), meeting Mabs’s ENTIRE FAMILY, hearing Chesty lose her mind several times, enjoying super Long Island experiences with them, Milah, Overthinker, and Fraddit, and so on. Some of us also went sailing on a tall boat later, where we hoisted the main sail and felt like proper pirates! Then there was just general hanging out, but I won’t bore you further with that.

Instead, I’ll bore you with shoutouts!

@lillpon DESCUSTANG!!! You’re such a damn delight. Both sharing a bed and hoisting the main sail with you was brilliant and I love you forever. YOU MET COLIN!!!

@queen-mabs-revenge What are words? I have none. And if I started I’d probably turn into a mess so FARTS BELLY PT CRUISER POINTY BOI FARTS! I’ll probably emotion at some point and send it to you in private and then go run off to watch bloopers or something to get back to some sort of state of normal.

@fraddit SEVEN?! WHAT’S IN THE BOX?! Resting judge face or no, you’re fantastic, I love you, and you’re forever welcome in my apartment! Or basically anywhere with me.

@thesschesthair You funny asshole, I don’t know what I would have done without you to be there to say jokes as foul as mine. You were such a good sport about me being an annoying shit. I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed we can celebrate your birthday with a Captain Charming shindig!!!

@justmilah You’re so sweet and so funny and just damn precious. I LOVED going to the American Girls store, traipsing around Rockefeller Center, exploring actual Central Park, getting Millian and Knightrook feels in the AMNH, and wasting time at Johnny Utah’s with you. You’re always welcome!!!

@captregina Mah darling! I’m so glad and relieved that you had a good experience! You earned it, and I’m excited to talk about it over brunch with you.

@theonceoverthinker YOU FAVORITE PHD GENIUS! Stellar questions from a stellar person. It was amazing to hang out with you and we should do it again soon!!!

@the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt You’re a precious angel and it was delightful to meet you! I’m so glad you felt welcomed into the fold. But, of course you were! You’re wonderful!

@brave-lassie From one “mom” to another, thanks! Also, you’re a sweetheart and YOU MAKE AN AMAZING RED!!!

@leiandcharles @freifraufischer @coaldustcanary @reginamotherfuckingmills and @agntreginaskywalker IT WAS LOVELY TO MEET YOU ALL! And thank you for being so patient and awesome with some of the shenanigans.

[diningpageantry]

Evolution Killed It All

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15909690/chapters/37678574

Chapter 6/16 of Love You All, Die For This

Word Count: 2131

Chapter Summary: Family isn't quite generations of blood coming together with swarms of people. Family, sometimes, is an aunt, her nephew, and his husband getting piss-drunk over Christmas. In fact, family's rarely ever just flesh and blood; it's usually who you accept and love.

Notes: thank you to @jessethejoyful for quick scanning this ! this isn’t the last appearance of fiona in the fic, btw! (god, i hope i did her justice; fingers crossed) also cw: alcohol use

FIONA

Suppose I’d say The Chosen One’s grown on me over the years. It’d be a lie if I said I wouldn’t give the world for this little shit. The way Baz looks at him? Forget it. There’s no fuckin’ way I could hold anything against him in the long-run (especially after he offed The Mage; got good marks in my books after that).

When Baz asked me to be his ‘Best Aunt’ for their wedding, I nearly shed a tear for them. Nearly. Sure, I just gave a hearty thumbs up, but it was the best I could do without spilling tears over shit that fucked me more than it should’ve. Felt fucked to have me as the only viable family there, although, granted, most of the wedding party was the Bunce family.

But I’m honored to be their only “real” family. It makes the holidays wicked; one year, I beat out Simon in shots (although, it was by default. You lose if you break my fucking coffee table.) They’ve become the kids I never made the effort in raising, but with all the perks of somebody to complain to while they bring you fancy shit at Christmas.

Although, today was vastly different than the past few years. Not to say it wasn’t cheerful at times, but it wasn’t exactly what I'd consider ‘festive’.

Sure, I know about the fight and the whole baby thing, whatever the fuck’s going on there.

I know too well that trying is probably going to get them nowhere, but hell, they wouldn’t want to hear it. After all, I didn’t have the heart to break it to them during their dinner discussion tonight.

Or their after-dinner discussion.

Or their discussion during Die Hard.

Where I’m getting at it is I got tired of them talking and told them to go to bed because we had to prep for all the Chinese takeout we’d eat the next day while getting shitfaced with spiked eggnog.

Even then, a few hours of silence didn’t prepare me for a 1 am cup of water I walked into the kitchen for, only to find Simon downing a glass of whiskey (from my cheapest bottle; how considerate).

“Oi,” I mutter, smirking in the slightest as my eyebrow quirks up. “Pace yourself; don’t wanna puke in the sink again, do you?”

His eyes flicker up to mine as he sighs and lowers them again, reaching for the bottle despite my commentary. He pours it slowly; it’s a good mouthful worth. “Sorry,” he whispers pathetically, rubbing his face as he continues, “I just… dunno. Couldn’t sleep, didn’t want to feel anymore.”

“Huh. Couldn’t tell,” I quip, dragging out a seat and across from him. I grab my pack off the table, hitting it against my palm before taking out a fag and holding it carefully between my lips as I use my wand to light it. Simon keeps his eyes down.

“Do you know anything about this… vampire baby shit? How it works?” he asks after moments of deafening silence.

Didn't expect him to braven up and ask me already. Doesn’t shock me, though. Figured he’d let it eat him alive for a day or two before breaking. Stubborn one, this kid. “Do you wanna know?”

He pauses. “I…” he trails, staring into the brownish liquid in my obviously pristine plastic cup that was half melted in the dishwasher a year or so back. “Yes. Yeah, I do. At least, I think so.”

It takes a moment, as I drag in my cigarette before exhaling and sighing. He comes off confident enough vocally, but he doesn’t seem it at a glance. Kid looks looks scared to hell. “I know how hard you two have been trying, but I’ve never seen it happen, kiddo.” I take another drag, watching him squirm in his seat. He downs the whiskey with a scrunched nose and sharp exhale following. I let him have that moment in peace. “It doesn’t seem to happen much in nature. Hell, doesn’t seem to happen much at all. They’re their own breed of creatures, and a diminishing one at that. If anything is to happen, it’s a bloody miracle. Crowley, the whole vampire-Mage combination is unheard of unless they were turned, and I wonder if it’s like that for a reason.”

His face doesn’t really drop, but it falters in the slightest. He reacts with just a solemn nod before he pours himself another gulp, which just makes me chuckle. “Pass me the bottle? You two are depressing me.”

I receive a half-hearted smile as he passes it over, to which I just unscrew the cap and take a hearty swig, letting it burn my insides before coughing a little. “Shit’s not the best, kid.”

“It gets the job done,” Simon mumbles, voice barely breaking over the nightlife downstairs. A hand of his raises, scratching his chest before dropping back to his sides.

It’s sort of haunting to watch him; his wings fold over his shoulders in a matching hunch, shadowing over his body. He looks like a corpse. Maybe he is a corpse, beyond the magick-drained flesh and blood.

“It might get the job done,” I let out, pulling myself to my feet as I slowly let in another drag, letting it blow through my nose in an exhale. “But I have better shit for the holidays.”

There’s a pause before he chuckles, shrugging. “Yeah, sure. Sounds good.”

The gentle sound of clinking bottles fills the air as I grab the nice shit I have post-its on just saying “FOR FESTIVE FIONA”. I set it between us after pulling off the top and having a nice mouthful, shaking my head a bit and coughing. “Fuck. Alright, nice.”

Snow reaches for it after me, filling a cup as if he’s some proper shit (probably something Baz has scolded him for; he gets on me about it too sometimes, but then I call him Little Squirt or just Dumb-ass and he shuts up). Before taking an extended sip, he stares down into it, seeming to contemplate something.

He scoffs out a soft groan after, sinking deeper into his seat. Something in me smiles, watching him. Gets me to brave a shot at making him smile. “I can try and steal a magick baby for ya. I’m a quick little fucker; they’ll never see me comin’. Just nick it outta the NICU before they even notice.” It makes me feel a little lighter when he laughs, like the room just lost 20kg. “Hell, I’ll steal a wand while I’m at it.”

Snow keeps laughing, curling over into himself a bit as he wobbles to the side, throwing me half off to thinking he’ll lean right out of my chair and break the damn thing. I finish my cigarette, watching him.

He doesn’t though, catching himself on the table. “I think we’re fine, but I’ll keep the offer in mind,” he giggles, pulling himself back up shakily. His curls shake a bit when he laughs, bouncing with his head.

It dies down, and he’s awfully quiet again, lip pulled inward to his mouth as he thinks. I give him a nudge with my foot, gently kicking his shin. “Oi, kid, talk to me. What’s on your mind?”

He lolls his head back a little, shrugging his shoulders up as his arms wrap comfortingly around his middle. He sighs, chest deflating slowly. “Dunno. Some shit.”

“And I’ve got all night,” I say gently, lips upturning. Don’t know if it’s comforting or not, but he gives me a smile back.

“‘S silly ‘n not a big deal. Just… me being stupid, that’s all. My therapist says this is just that part of my brain that doesn’t like me talkin’. Saying shit I don’t wanna hear but think I deserve.” He shifts his body more upright, trying to hold himself more properly now. His slump doesn’t help much. “I’m just… pathetic.”

I scoff, knitting my eyebrows together as I eye him. The kid’s anything but pathetic. “You do shit with your life,” I say as gently as manageable. He needs a parent right now, and I’ve never been the best alternative for one, but hell, I’ll give it a shot. “Don’t ya? Baz loves you to death, you’re working a good samaritan job that helps people, Merlin, you saved the magickal world, didn’t you?” He just shrugs. “Look, what’s makin’ you think that?”

“I can’t… give Baz what he deserves.”

I cock a brow at him, and I watch the corner of his mouth upturn. I still blink. “What?”

He shakes away whatever’s on his mind, a hand lifting and scrubbing his face. “He deserves a usual, mage’s life. He didn’t deserve a broken husband. He… keeps staying, he comes back to me, and he doesn’t deserve the shit I give him.” A broke chuckle slips through, hand covering his face from the glaring kitchen light. “Fuck. He deserves the world, and I’m his biggest mistake.”

I can’t help but laugh. Crowley knows it’s the worst reaction, but I grab the bottle, laugh, and take the biggest chug I can manage before practically slamming it back down. “Merlin, Simon, do you know how much that isn’t true?”

I can barely see his wringing hands, and I have no clue wherever he’s looking, but the kid looks overwhelmed. “But… I…”

“No, no he loves you. More than the whole goddamn world. Fucking Merlin and Morgana, Baz sees you as everything. Do you know how many nights he’d stay up and tell me it’d be you or nothing after you got together? Too many. The boy loves you more than the ground loves dirt.”

Snow shifts a little in his seat. “But… he…”

“Look,” I mumble, swaying forward in my seat. “You’re his world. I know it sounds like nothing, but I’m basically the only other person he talks to, so you gotta listen to me. He fucking loves you.”

He swallows, loud enough for me to hear, before nodding. “Thank you,” he lets out.

I nod, resting my elbows on the table and crossing my arms in the slightest. “Mmmhm. And I’m gonna give you some advice, and I think you should really listen if you actually wanna be fucking happy.” The way he nods makes me feel like a wise-man, so I let it fuel me to continue. “Kids aren’t everything. Sure, they seem great, but they’re the biggest fuckin’ stress you’ll ever see. They’re loud, they’re messy, they fuck with your shit and don’t say sorry. They’re a pain in the arse and you can’t just toss ‘em aside afterwards. There’s a reason I never had one of my own, especially after helpin’ out with Baz here and there. It’s too much stress, and look at you. You’re stressed, and you don’t even got one yet.”

“Don’t rush into something when the world isn’t giving you what you want immediately. You guys ready for a baby? The world might give you a little sack of shit. Until then, don’t wear yourself out over something you can’t control. If you wanna try, then try. If not, just tell him that you love him and some other sweet shit, and you’ll both be fine without it. Okay?”

He sort of stares at me and I think I get what Basil means when he says he can feel the kid thinking. It shows on his face; he narrows his eyebrows in and mulls over every word like it's some prophecy to follow for the rest of his life. Makes me feel like my words fucking matter, which feels sort of nice. “I… uh… yeah. Fuck. I, uh, I needed to hear that,” he mumbles under his breath, hands running back over his face a few times. “Fuck. Thank you.”

I smile slightly, tipping my head up for a nod. “Promise me somethin’, alright?”

“Mhm?”

“Give it up soon, if it doesn’t just happen.”

He pauses, leaned back in the seat as his head tilts up. He stares at the popcorned ceiling, chewing on his lip. He breaks the silence after minutes. “Okay,” he gives in, hands coming to his face to rub. “Yeah… I’m… we… yeah. I’ll talk to him. We’ll talk about that.”

I exhale slowly, smiling as my head rests on the table. “Alright. Mhm. Now, go to bed, kid. We’ve got festivities in the morning.”

“Are those festivities more drinking?”

I click my tongue, aiming finger guns at him halfheartedly. “You’ve got it.”

He chuckles lightly, body hauling up and stumbling out of the seat. I’d offer him help, but I don’t have the energy in me. We mumble goodnights, and he heads off to his bedroom.

I smile a little to myself. They’ll be fine.

[trovia]

HP reread! The Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter 17: Cat, Rat, And Dog

While the trio is still caught in the disbelief about Buckbeak's execution, the newly rediscovered Scabbers tries to run away from Ron, or more specifically from Crookshanks. Crookshank, of course, is indeed out to hunt Scabbers, aiding Black The Dog, who is not far. Dog Sirius is scary, but really goes for the option safest for the kids involved: He pushes Harry out of the way and prevents him from drawing his wand (getting involved). Then, as he can't reach Scabbers in Ron's pocket, drags Ron along with him. That means two kids are left behind, safely away from Peter. (though he plans for the eventuality that Harry might try to save his friend anyway) Meanwhile Ron absolutely refuses to let go of the rat, because he discovered Scabbers was alive pretty much immediately before Buckbeak died, he's in shock about Buckbeak's death, and he will basically never be less likely to hand over his stupid old rat. 

So we finally meet Sirius Black! And look at that, he's not being dramatic. At all. JKR keeps using the same trick she's employed in previous characterizations of Sirius: He does utterly calm and innocuous things, but the misconception that he's a crazy murderer out to kill the children puts them in a highly ominous light. You know, btw, where that same trick was used? In Fight Club. The first time you watch the movie, Marla Singer appears to be a crazy person full of ominous choices. Once you have a context, you realize she’s acting like a perfectly average girlfriend. Sirius is acting like a perfectly average... uh, prison escapee framed for a murder he didn’t commit. It’s just harder for people to piece together what might constitute a perfectly average reaction in those circumstances. 

Case in point. First thing we see Sirius do is close a door, not bang it, not laugh crazily, just close it. Then he "croaks" out an Expelliarmus, no scream, no bellow. He "speaks quietly" to Ron, telling him to lie down and not damage his leg further. "Brave of you, not to run for a teacher. I'm grateful... it will make everything much easier." Yup, highly ominous. Unless all he plans to do is take the damn rat out of the equation, and not dying. In that case, that's a perfectly good opener, especially for a guy who hasn't had a conversation in a dozen years. Remember the large amount of information he needs to give to make the highly impatient, scared teenagers less scared and impatient - he’ll spend three chapters on it. Background. Who even is Peter Pettigrew. Secret Keeper. Persecution by Voldemort. Prison break You’ve gotta start somewhere. 

Now, compare Harry's reaction: "The taunt about his father rang in Harry’s ears as though Black had bellowed it." That's where our perception of "drama" comes from, not from anything Sirius actually does. Granted, his "There'll only be one murder here tonight" could have been phrased better (as could have been Lupin's "I haven't been Sirius' friend for twelve years but I am now") but overall, this is still a calm man in the middle of an emotionally very heated scene. Even Lupin’s descriptions are more loaded: "shouting", "voice shaking with oppressed emotion", looking "intently". He's still characterized as calm; but he's certainly more emotional than Sirius, who is pointedly unemotional. (there is a possibility that some people, fooled into thinking of Sirius as melodramatic, interpret his behavior as a performance, and thus over the top; other people read lack of emotion as something to do with exhaustion and depression) 

Generally, Sirius makes no single move to defend himself. He "doesn't deny" that he "killed" James and Lily. He acknowledges his full culpability and fuck-up. He is beyond hoping to convince anybody of the truth; he’s been there, done that, put it to rest. We have been introduced to this level of hopelessness and bleak acceptance in previous chapters, mostly surrounding Buckbeak’s trial and execution; we've been given the tools to understand how Sirius feels, at least on the second read, once we are convinced of his innocence. When it's Lupin to the rescue, Sirius doesn't say a word about what’s going on. He just nods when Lupin pieces it all together himself. He knows that nothing he himself could say would make a difference. After all, it’s not like it did in the past, when the Aurors and the Order and before all, Dumbledore, didn’t believe anything he said. 

Lupin then "embraced Black like a brother" which for some reason is taken by slashers everywhere to mean they're super hot for each other. ^^ I've got no problem with the ship but using this line as an argument for anything is bizarre. It's not like you'd ever jump your ex lover who you until recently thought was a killer after twelve years of no contact in a manner that's romantic or sexual. Some of the arguments I’ve seen about how the brotherly hug was secretly love porn counted among the most ridiculous I’ve seen in this fandom. 

Link to the other HP reread posts

[heroesarelife]

I'd like to see the thing you translated 👀

Omg nonnie xD well, I hope you like this, is a bit long and since it’s not bnha related, I’m placing it under the cut :3

While the piece down below hasn’t been translated to english officially, a lot of her books have. I particularly like “near to the wild heart” (a deceiving title, as Clarice writing has nothing to do with Virginia Woolf) and “the hour of the star”.

(btw, they are referencing this post)

Brain Storm (Clarice Lispector)

Ah, if I know, Iwouldn’t have been born, ah, if I know, I wouldn’t have been born. Madnesswalks hand-in-hand with the most cruel sensibleness. I swallow the madness asit calmly hallucinates me. The ring thou gave me was made of glass and it brokeand the love didn’t end, but instead, the hatred of those who love each other. Thechair is to me an object. Useless as I look at it. Tell me please what time itis so I know I am alive at this minute. Creativity is unleashed by a germ and Ino longer possess that germ, but I have incipient my madness which is a validcreation by and in itself. I have nothing else to do with the validity ofthings. I am either free or lost. I will tell you a secret: life is mortal.Each and everyone of us keep this secret in mutism with ourselves forconvenience, otherwise it would be the same as making every instant a mortalone. Ibrahim Sued said he was immortal with no burden. The chair object alwayshad my interest. I look at this old one, acquired at an antique store in Berna,of empire style; would be hard to devise such simplicity of lines, contrastingwith its red felt cushion. I love objects as long as they don’t love me. But itis not my fault if I don’t understand what I write. I have to talk because talkingis salvation. But I have not a single word left to say. The previously saidwords now muffle my mouth. What is it that one person tells another? Besides“how are you”? If there was a sudden madness of frankness, what would peopletell each other? And even worse what would a people tell themselves, but itwould then be salvation, although frankness is defined at a conscious level,and the terror of frankness comes from the very vast part of theunconsciousness that connects me to the world and to its founderunconsciousness. Today is a day of a starlit sky, or at least such is thepromise of a sad afternoon that a single human word could save. The worstblindness is that of the ones that don’t know they are blind. I open my eyeswide, for no avail: all I do is see. But the secret, that’s something I don’tsee nor feel. The radio is broken, to fix it is expensive, and living withoutmusic is a betrayal of the human condition that is surrounded by it. And musicis an abstractive thought, I’m talking about Bach, Vivaldi, about Haendel. That hug, I can’t stand this songanymore which is, however, all fraternal. I can only write if I’m free, andfree of censorship, otherwise I succumb. I look at the empire style chair andthis time it was as though it had looked back and seen me. The future is minewhile I’m alive. In the future, there will be more time to live and, as consequence,to write. In the future, it is said: if I know, I would not have been born.Marly, I do not write letters back to you because I can’t be anything butintimate. By the way, being intimate in all circumstances is the only way Iknow how to be: this is why I’m just another silent one. All that wasn’t done,will be done one day? The future of technology threatens to destroy all the humanitywithin humans, but technology does not touch madness: and this is where thehumanity within humans takes refuge. I look at the flower in the jar: they arewildflowers, born without being planted, they are beautiful and yellow. But thecooker said: what a bunch of ugly flowers. Just because is hard to comprehendand love what is spontaneous and humble. Being able to understand complicatedthings is no advantage, but to love what can be easily loved is a grand stepforward on the humanity scale. How many lies I am forced to tell. But I wouldlike to not be forced to lie to myself. Otherwise, what is left? The truth isthe final residue of all that exists and in my unconsciousness resides thetruth which is equal to that of the world. The Moon is, as Paul Éluard wouldsay, éclante de silence. Today Idon’t know if we will be able to see the moon, as it’s already late and I stillcan’t see it in the sky. This one time, at a water station in random city, towhere I went with my father, I looked up to the night sky, circumscribing it with my head hanging back, and gotdizzy with the number of stars you can see in the countryside, since thecountryside sky is beautiful. There’s no logic, if you stop to think, innature’s perfectly balanced illogicity. The same for human nature. What wouldbe of the world, of the cosmos, if humans didn’t exist. If I could always writelike I am doing now I would be in absolute brain storm. Who invented the chair?Someone with a lot of love for themselves. To invent such a big comfort fortheir own body. And then centuries went by and no one ever again stopped to payattention to a chair, since using it is merely automatic. Braveness is neededto perform a brain storm: you never know what can appear and scare you. Thesacred monster is dead: in its place a motherless girl was born. I know all toowell that I need to stop, not because I lack words, but mostly because thesethings – especially the ones I thought of but didn’t write down – cannot bepublished on a paper.

[thankyoufinnick]

Commentary on the latest Mags’ War installment.

No matter how evil I am to my characters, I maintain that I’m nicer than Suzanne Collins. The most noticeable improvements in this chapter are 1) Cashmere’s survived! 2) Because of this, Finnick’s not going to go semi-catatonic.

It’s another one of those cases where plot and characterization dovetail: I’ve got plans for Finnick, and so he needs to be rather more functional, but also, a support system is like the number one most important thing you can have with PTSD. Now, Katniss is the furthest thing from being responsible for Finnick’s mental health, but I’ve always believed that if she’d had a completely different personality and been willing to go to him for help with her suffering, it would have helped him with his.

Well, Cashmere has a completely different personality than Katniss. She’s not in a position to help Finnick directly, advise him, comfort him, etc., but her not pushing him away gives him a human connection that makes all the difference to him. My Finnick suffers most when people push him away. You’ll see this theme reflected again and again throughout this series. Most notably, this is why Annie needing to be alone on some of her bad days is infinitely more difficult for him than when she wants him around on her bad days.

So, Cashmere and Finnick are there together, and they’re both better off for it. Though it’s going to be a long time before either of them is in a good place.

Somebody left a comment saying that “The character development that Mags had in this series makes her death even harder to handle!” Now, this delights my evil writer’s heart to no end, because it means I was successful in bringing her to life.

But what I wanted to talk about was how I chose to depict Mags’ death, and the Quarter Quell in general.

I am not a fan of authors trying to rewrite the same scenes from a different POV. In most cases, it just comes across as unoriginal. And repeated dialogue is usually extremely boring to me. I’ve seen it done well exactly once, by Cynthia Voigt in the Tillerman series, which is all around excellent and I can’t recommend it enough.

This is the main reason part 2 of Mags’ War avoids interactions with Katniss as much as humanly possible, focusing on Johanna before the tributes enter the arena, and Cashmere once they’re inside the arena. The scene where Finnick and Johanna and Mags talk about Katniss’s refusal to team up with them, and where they plan their arena strategy, is just about the closest I come to overlapping with the events in Catching Fire, and it’s still not my favorite scene.

In all other cases, I made a point of speeding past anything that would have repeated dialogue and blow-by-blow action too closely. For instance, writing Cashmere’s defection at the Cornucopia was unavoidable. That scene couldn’t be skipped. But Cashmere is deliberately focused on wildly different events than Katniss. In the middle of combat, she doesn’t even register that Gloss kills Wiress. She notices the arrow going in, and then by the time she’s processing sensory input again, we’ve diverged from canon: Finnick gets to her before Johanna. 

At that point, it’s a completely different scene, and the reader should be engaged in seeing what’s different (quite a lot). The dialogue then becomes extremely different.

By assuming the reader is familiar with canon, I deliberately omit certain events, such as the jabberjays, and only allude to them in passing later. I assume knowledge of Beetee’s plan, and throw into relief events that aren’t highlighted in canon, like the moment when Cashmere watches her brother’s face in the sky. Other than that, she’s by and large focused on grieving her brother, strategizing a way to stay alive long enough to kill Katniss, and justifying her defection (I feel like I may have handled her constant agonizing over this decision a little heavy-handedly, but I had to stop editing and post at some point). That chapter was all about Cashmere’s mental state, not the events of the arena.

I avoided repeating dialogue again by having Cashmere so focused on killing Katniss that she misses what Finnick says to Katniss (”Remember who the real enemy is”). Btw, the events of the Quarter Quell are extremely heavily movie-inspired.

With the very important exception of Mags’ death! You should assume Finnick carrying Peeta and Katniss carrying Mags for that one. The next chapter will open with Finnick dreaming about that, and that is a case where I’m rewriting an event from canon from a different POV. But, because it’s a dream after the fact, it’s not a step-by-step march through the events, and it’s again extremely focused on Finnick’s mental state, and the history of his relationship with Mags. It’s also got a bit of foreshadowing that I won’t spoil.

Another event that I sped past in this chapter was Katniss finding out about the revolution. 

As if to prove his point, she barges in with an energy that Finnick, still sluggish, could envy if he didn't know that she's in more pain than he is. At least I signed up for this, he tries reminding himself after she's carried away, unconscious.

He wouldn't have sedated her without at least the nominal consent Cashmere gave, but everything happened faster than he could process. He's left staring after her, trying to think of one reason Johanna won't hate him as much as Katniss after this.

Aaaand...that’s it. That whole scene, condensed into a couple dialogue-free sentences, completely with foreshadowing in the last sentence there.

Ditto when Finnick tries talking to Katniss after he goes to lie down.

Katniss doesn't feel like talking, and Finnick can't blame her. He doesn't have much comfort to offer.

This assumes you’ve read the scene in the book (yes, I’m skipping back and forth between book and movie-canon, sorry).

“Katniss. Katniss, I’m sorry.” Finnick’s voice comes from the bed next to me and slips into my consciousness. Perhaps because we’re in the same kind of pain. “I wanted to go back for him and Johanna, but I couldn’t move.” 

I don’t answer. Finnick Odair’s good intentions mean less than nothing.

And that, of course, is what I mean that if Katniss had a competely different personality, that scene could have played out very differently. Cashmere’s a lot more willing to interact with him, hear his explanation:

“You're out of the arena, and you're never going back. I couldn't tell you, but I was trying to get as many of us out alive as I could. That's why I wanted you with us.”

“I didn't know,” she whispers in horror.

Finnick remembers that Gloss is dead.

“I'm sorry I couldn't save your brother. I only ended up getting you, me, Katniss, and Beetee out alive and free. Johanna, Peeta, and Enobaria are prisoners of the Capitol. Everyone else is dead.”

“I thought you were going to kill me.” Cashmere is dazed. “I only thought you'd be quicker about it than Brutus.”

“I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. There's no way we could have saved anyone if word had gotten out.”

“But even if I knew,” and here she grows more agitated, “I couldn't have left my brother alone in the pack!”

“I know. You're incredibly loyal and brave. I'm sorry. I will say that until I die. I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

He strokes her hair and murmurs apologies until she relaxes a bit

[Discussion of arena strategy.]

“I'm sorry we couldn't tell you. I really am. But you're safe here now.”

Encouraged, Cashmere shifts enough to look at him. She doesn't ask, but there's a question in her eyes.

“If you ask Plutarch,” he answers, “you're on parole as long as you're with me. If you ask me, you're under my protection. Stay with me, and I'll keep you safe.”

She nods. “I'll do whatever you tell me to. I'll stay with you.”

And this is where a lot of canon-divergence begins. Stay tuned!

[moonraccoon-exe]

have you ever imagine if gladio were like mad at ignis? like an actual rage, i ever thought about it and i just have no idea what will gladio be mad about well iggy getting mad at gladio is "normal" in someway but gladio???? and if gladio is mad to iggy what will he do? i thought bout this since i mark them being a married couple ehe (sorry for bad english btw💦)

That’s pretty interesting. This was in my inbox at the same time than this other ask where somebody asked what kind of arguments I thought Gladio + Ignis could have, but that one was much older in my inbox than this one. Sorry for answering so distant one from the other!

Then again, that one ask focuses a bit more on less serious things, at least in comparison to the situation you plant. Over there there’s domestic Gladnis arguing over socks and books, but the first two points are kind of serious, too.

1. Things related to Noctis, 2. Self-care.

An actual scenario where Gladio would entirely lose it against Ignis, though?

[I had written a few paragraphs of Gladio analysis, but decided to delete because I just…write and digress too much, I’m sorry, ahahaha) 

In some official relationship chart that shows the different bonds between the 4 bros, Ignis and Gladio are linked both in a very, very similar, almost the same way. “The person that understands the situation as well as I do”, “The only other that sees the real width and weight of the situation as I do”, or in a summary and easier way to grasp “The one that understands me most”, and that goes both ways.

When two people understand each other as good as Ignis and Gladio seem to do, it’s pretty hard (but not impossible) to have an actual rage. Discussions and arguments and angry moments, sure. But some big, heavy rage? That tends to happen with two very similar poles colliding, or two entirely opposite poles that lack understanding, colliding. These two are opposite-but-not-entirely-opposite poles that understand each other, so a collision the size of Big Bang is hard to happen.

Understanding + communication = calm and understanding.

So I guess they would need some very heavy miscommunication to lose it.

I. Am. Digressing.

I’m taking this too far, ahahaha, sorry! Let’s level this down a couple steps so it’s not a super mega harsh situation that will cause the world to explode, shall we?

Some scenario where Gladio rages at Ignis?

The most possible and most realistic I can think is Gladio raging out at Ignis because of Ignis’ self-treatment.

It’s in the other ask, as well, but I’ll type to this again because it feels like the most….like the one with biggest chances of happening, I think?

I don’t think Gladio would rage out at Ignis for something about Gladio himself. Nothing about “Why did you do this to me?”, not even some “Why did you do this?”, but rather some “Why did you do this to yourself?”

Gladio understands Ignis very well. He knows what the adviser puts himself through. We’re not shown precisely what, but out of what we know, it seems like Ignis has a super stressful job. And it’s not necessary to go too far in investigation to have the one thing clear; Ignis’ selfless attitude. Which is not necessarily healthy or good or a compliment. It’s almost the opposite.

Ignis has gone to the limits of almost dying, get majorly injured, go blind, and STILL want to continue the journey only because he wants to help. Help others, help his friend, help the world. Heck, recently blinded, Ignis can barely do anything, but he still pushes himself far, far, far too much just to be useful to Noctis and his friends and the world. It’s not brave, it’s reckless. And it was only a miracle he didn’t die out of that recklessness that crosses the line of stupidity.

Ignis WAS useful, of course. But that is what we know. Up above…that’s what Gladio could have seen.

It’s not a lie. Ignis is weak in those moments. Keeps the head down, hasn’t had chances of getting used to that lifestyle when he’s already asking to be brought along in long walks in unknown territory while ALSO trying to keep up his fighting.

Damn, he’s recently blinded, you cannot try to get used to it in a matter of a few weeks.

….do you see Gladio’s mental process in all this?

I think that if raged out at Ignis, it would be something like this. 

If Gladio raged out at Ignis it would be because Ignis is putting himself in any sort of danger in very stupid and reckless ways only because of his necessity of aiding others.

It’s not crazy to think about Gladio getting very exhausted of Ignis not giving himself a break, and not allowing himself to be carried. Ignis focuses so much on picking others up from the ground and carrying them no matter the weight that he doesn’t stop even when his own legs break.

He keeps walking on the broken bones. And it’s NOT healthy.

Gladio’s rage could easily come out in many of the arguments listed above. They could come out in situations where Ignis is harming himself or allowing something or someone else to directly or indirectly harm him, whether it’s physically, emotionally or even spiritually. Simply because Gladio knows it’s not healthy, and he gets very, very angered at the fact that Ignis doens’t realize how bad it is, how much he’s getting harmed, and how this is killing him slowly.

Gladio would rage out at him for not allowing himself a break. For not letting himself breathe. For carrying others and not letting anyone carry him even when he most desperately needs it.

“This is senselessly stupid, Ignis! You go around putting yourself in unnecessary danger. Do you not see you’re human too? Open the goddamn eyes, Ignis, it doesn’t work this way, you don’t NEED to push yourself so far only because somebody else needs you.”

Gladio himself says it to Ignis, in a soft way, but it could easily turn into a reason for the Shield to rage out at him

“You staying alive is more than enough”.

Or, raging out

“You go around trying to fight and stay with us and trying to be useful, but how useful will you be to us putting yourself in danger in such a stupid way? What good will it make to us that you die? Do you think that’s useful, dying? Do you want us to carry with your corpse for the rest of the journey? Do you think that’s more helpful than staying behind? Just because you stay behind somewhere safe doesn’t mean you’re useless or not helping, at least you’d be doing more than if you were dead!!”

I don’t know if I’m explaining myself, but…it’s basically that.

Raging out due to reasons that are linked to Ignis throwing himself to the sword.

Physically, like these examples post Leviathan battle.

On general health, what with the stress Ignis constantly lives in with. Too much stress is never healthy, you know? Premature death, heart problems, to recall the biggest. Gladio knows, of course, and doesn’t want that to happen.

Emotionally. Needless to say Ignis is a tragic character himself. Too many situations could trigger Ignis into pushing himself far despite the emotional struggles instead of attending to them, which could consequently cause Gladio to rage at him.

It’s a…loving sort of rage, but still rage, I guess. A sincere anger.

That Gladio rages out at Ignis in a very serious way…it would be because Gladio grows exhausted and impossibly exasperated at the fact that Ignis pushes himself too far, past the limits of what’s healthy and what’s not.

It seems to be a general headcanon, I think. Sounds realistic.

what do you think, anon? :)

Also, don't worry, your english is great! I don't master it either. Don't be sorry, your english is good :D

[latina4rmbx]

You’ll Always be my Baby

Ladies:  By a show of hands, how many of you have had sex with your partner because you needed to feel a connection after a rough patch?

Ok, lets pretend I can see those hands :)  i’m sure a good majority of you have. I know I have.

Men:  Same question-Show of hands, sex, partner, rough patch?

We’re still pretending I can see those hands.  I’m sure maybe one has his hand up, and that’s IF he’s the only one brave enough to be honest.

My boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch.  Thankfully, it didn’t last long.  As you may or may not know, I am in an open relationship.  My boyfriend and I have been going through something.  At first it was him and then it was me, but it was over the same person.

If you haven’t read “An Abundance of Love & a Broken Heart,” I suggest you do so now.  

Finished?  Cool.

So, the guy who my boyfriend was so gung ho over, is still in my life.  Our lives. I wrote in the post that we were supposed to go out on Saturday, but that didn’t come to pass.  Circumstances were that he hand to cancel.  It bummed me out, but I understood, I too have been in the same circumstances.  Oh, but my boyfriend had a shit fit.  Boyfriend said that new guy was making excuses and I shouldn’t bother with him anymore.

Now mind you, you saw how I was feeling about the whole thing to begin with.  I like new guy.  I have always liked new guy (and if I said this already, well, I’m repeating it because it’s the truth).  Because I liked new guy, I was different with him, when it came to my boyfriend, than I have ever been with anyone else.  I was more private.  I even told my boyfriend that I was protective of the new guy.  It’s the truth, I am protective over him, because he IS a good guy.

So I allowed myself to ignore my boyfriend when it came to new guy.  That wasn’t fair to my boyfriend.  He definitely made his feelings known.

In order to make an open relationship work, there has to be honesty.  You have to be honest, even if it hurts the other person.  We have to keep the lines of communication open so that the person you’re pledging to be in the relationship with doesn’t feel insecure or unwanted.

The first time I was going to hang out with new guy, I told my boyfriend when I was outside waiting for the Uber to take me to my destination.  I didn’t let my boyfriend know ahead of time and that pissed him off.  So he had a series of questions for me:  The first of which was, “did you hit him?”  For those of you not in the know, when he says “hit,” he means contact.  He’s ghetto from the Bronx, it’s how we speak.

Here is the conversation, via text, thankfully.  It’s very revealing:

BF: I don’t understand. I thought we spoke about him

ME:  What did we speak about him?  (Me playing dumb)

BF:  Nevermind. Did you hit him

ME:  Yeah

BF:  Didn’t I tell u  Not to  Unless he hit you? Hello

ME: Yes you did

BF: Soooo

ME: Sooo

BF: You horny

ME:  I’m curious

BF:  Hmmmmm  Aight

ME:  You’re upset

BF:  No

ME: You are

BF: Enjoy ur night

ME:  First time I don’t listen

BF:  Keep me posted

ME: See what I mean

BF:  I see.  t’s going to be a trend

ME:  A trend?

BF (via voice note): If you ain’t hit him up he probably wouldn’t have fucking hit you up  that’s why I tell you value yourself don’t hit a fuckin’ nigga up unless they hit you up.

I’m going to fast forward a bit because rereading and rehearing it is pissing me off.

BF:  Ima ask u again  Are u horny

ME:  I answered u already

BF:  Fuck curious Yes or no

ME:  You know I won’t lie

BF:  Yes or no

ME: Yes

BF:  Was that hard 

ME: Why do you ask?

BF: wanted to know

ME: for what purpose?

Again I’m fast forwarding because the other crap is boring and more of the same.

BF:  You staying in his crib

ME:  I don’t plan to

BF:  Ima see u when I get off work

FAST FORWARD AGAIN

BF:  You got sexy panties

BF: on

ME: No

ME: Polka dots lol

BF:  Male face palm emoji

BF: Have fun

ME: ok

BF: Suck a mean dick

ME: laughing tears emoji

At this point I’m in the new guys apartment.  We’re sitting drinking and talking.  My boyfriend was not having it and he was texting me.  I told him I was going to leave my phone in my bag so if I didn’t contact him quickly he knew why.  That didn’t go over well.

BF:  Walk yourself out

ME: What the fuck

BF: Stay focused.  your mine  (that’s not a type o, it’s what he wrote.  I love that he spelled it wrong because he knows the right way to spell it.  that’s how annoyed with me he was).

We weren’t good after that night.  There was a series of events that led us to not being good.  I take responsibility for my fault in the situation.  He still hasn’t.  He let me have it, in his own way.  I wasn’t able to respond to his messages because I was driving.  That didn’t sit too well with him because he thought I was ignoring him, yet again.  Even worse, he thought I was ignoring him for the new guy.

So now, every time I take long to respond, he thinks I’m texting with the new guy.  The WYD’s are more frequent.  Like I said, I’m honest, so I’m not going to lie to him, but I don’t want to hurt him again.  It doesn’t mean I’m going to lie.  I can’t stand lies.  Anything I post on social media now gets questioned because he thinks I’m trying to sub him (for those of you that don’t know what the term “subbing” is, it’s when you add a post and it’s supposed to be a subliminal message to someone.)

Here’s one such conversation:

BF:  The whole time u ignoring my text were u texting?

ME: No

BF:  U can be honest

ME: why u keep asking me that

BF: if u were 

ME: I would be honest

This is a huge shift from the confident, swaggerastic man I started with.

BF:  take me back to the night we met para no ir.  Interesting (para no ir means so I won’t go)

ME: Y vas a seguir (and you’re going to continue)

FAST FORWARD AGAIN

BF:  Love me?  u haven’t told me all day

ME: I do love you

BF: Even though i had to ask  to tell me, not like it came out natural

FAST FORWARD AGAIN

BF:  Is he taking my number 1 slot.

He asked me to do something.  Block someone on social.  Now, mind you, I don’t personally know the person he told me to block.  When he said it, it was almost as if he had a remote control and I just did it.  I didn’t think about it or fight back.  Then I realized where the issue was.  He feels he was losing control over me.  I told him:  You are spoiled.  I do give you everything you ask with barely any fight.  HIM:  and that’s my obsession with u.  never been catered (he’s never been catered to)  

Ok, I ended up seeing the new guy again and became distant with my boyfriend again.  I know that I brought this one on myself.  He face timed me and I hung up.  I wasn’t thinking clearly, he literally woke me up and I couldn’t figure out my phone.  Believe me if you want, don’t, if you don’t.  But it pissed him off so much he laughed.  He laughed hard and then became silent.  I don’t like the silent boyfriend.  I need to hear his voice, see his words, know what he’s thinking.  I am also obsessed with him.

I think he thought he was losing me.  He came to see me and he made love to me.  He held me and he kissed me and he looked at me.  Almost as if he were searching for the person he fell in love with.  I’m still in there.  I’m still here.

So, we finally move passed all of our drama and this is our conversation:

ME:  I have way more than your attention sir (winks face emoji)

HIM:  Def do (he sends a video - I forget of what then he says)  I haven’t been hurt in a very long time and your innocent body did just that so u powerful.

I won’t be typing anymore of our conversations, at least on this post, because we have a lot of text convo. Either because I’m at work or he’s at work.  We can’t just speak freely and due to his odd hours, we don’t see each other often, so this bickering between us really put a damper on our relationship.  But his silence...that was something I couldn’t accept.  I needed to know how he was feeling.  I need to know that we are ok.  I needed to make things right.

But I messed up again.  New guy spent the night at my apt and I didn’t contact my boyfriend at all.  This is when he FT’d me in the AM and I hung up on him.  I had a long drive ahead of me, so I was able to get some things off my chest.  I took responsibility for my actions.  I KNOW I was hurting him, but I wasn’t doing it TO hurt him.  I was giving the new guy my undivided attention.  

I explained to my boyfriend that I knew I fucked up and I’m holding myself accountable.  He accused me of justifying my actions by saying I fucked up.  I’ve apologized and elaborated and asked that we move on from this.  However, like a hurt housewife, he has brought it up.  My go to response is to lash out.  “Are we moving passed it?  Are you forgiving me? If it’s no, I need to know so I know how to proceed, but if it’s yes, I don’t want to hear about it again.”

Saying those words to him gave me flashbacks to when I was with my daughters father and I found out he was cheating.  I would always take him back due to my immaturity level and pride.  I would eventually bring up the other women and he’d say the same thing, “If we’re moving passed it, stop bringing it up.”  I felt so bad because I remember how I felt when I heard those words.

I understand that he is hurting and he needs to get it out in the only way he knows how...communication.  I don’t mean to be dismissive of his feelings.  He doesn’t deserve that.  I want him to be himself again.  I want him to love and trust and feel secure with us again.  

Today was a good day.  He’s the one who suggested I write this post.  I told him that I write about him often and he suggested, “you write about when you hurt me.”  I even asked him for help starting it.  BTW, I didn’t start it the way he wanted me to, but i will finish it the way he wanted me to start it.

“So as much as I’m hooked to his swag when I’m around other men I seem to float and (be) careless and enjoy the moment.  Taking it all in.  Having to deal with the consequences later.  Which later u regret of course but at the end, he still wins my heart and love.”

Hey!  I love you with all my butt.

XOXO

Thanks for reading.

[beet-rootesoupevodkabanya]

Post-apocalypse military AU.

Next part as I promised to dear Feli.😘 Occasionally it'll have the 3d part. Btw I chose tramadolum as painkiller bc it's typical in such cases in Russia. ************************* Private Katsuki woke up in the middle of the night. From cold. Or better to say - from loss of living warmth. The last thing he remembered was thin, cold fingers tracing his hair, wondering over neck, shoulders, innocently getting a bit under a t-shirt time to time. General Snow King... But. Where is he? Yuuri rose on elbow looking around. Shadow on the balcony. Here he is! Boy clumsily got up, still half-asleep, rubbed his eyes and realized something was completely wrong. His commander smoked on the balcony. But it's autumn already. Nights definitely aren't warm enough to stay outside half-naked and with bare feet. And the way he stayed. Hardly supporting himself with one hand over balcony fencing, as if trying to step on the left leg less. Burning spot of cigarette shivered in darkness. Private Katsuki stormed there. Being a long-time friend with doctor Phichit taught him a lot of useful (or not really...) things. Of course now it was clear - old wounds of his General were aching. Maybe this time because of stress... [I made General suffer... It's my fau...] [Not fucking now, Private Katsuki!!] - Sir? - boy from Safe Zone stepped on the balcony. - I know cold seems... distracting from pain. But still... It's not good for U. [Fuck. Chilling stones of the floor almost burn skin.] Not waiting for any response Private Katsuki reached for commander grabbing his waist. Snow King obviously shivered. - It's ok, Yuuri, just go back to sleep. I'll be right in a minute. - General turned to him with almost normal face expression. Almost... Smile could look carefree. But cold drops of sweat on his forehead, dark shadows under eyes and bitten almost to blood lips betrayed him completely. - Old wounds, righ? - Yuuri hugged his commander with both hands making to lean on his shoulder. - Finish your cigarette and let's return. - U shouldn't step here with bare feet. - his voice is too quiet. Almost like whisper. He sloppily stifled the cigarette, burned fingers by smoldering end and didn't even noticed. [How much pain do U hide from others, General Snow King?..] White skin was icy cold. How long did he stayed there?... It was just several steps distance - to get to the bed. Frozen fingers leaned to boys shoulder searching for support. Yuuri hugged commander almost bringing him on arms to the sheets. Laid there and touched forehead with lips. At least it's not a fever. In this case he knows what to do. - Sir, what caused this? - stupid question but Phichit could need to know it to choose the treatment. - Is it weather or... - I'm sorry. - icy-blue eyes focused on Private Katsuki. - It's just... I've got...nervous. It happens time to time. [Nervous?... Is it... Because of me?.. My fault??... No, Private Katsuki, it's fucking NOT the time for this!!!] Yuuri nodded, grabbed the phone and placed a fast kiss on pale cheek: - I'll be right back. I'm gonna take medicine for U. - Hey, c'mon, Yuuri! I'm fine. - strong hand held his wrist. - I told U it happens time to time. Nothing to worry about. No need to bother doctors. - NO NEED???!!!!! MY ASS!!! - unexpected outburst made General Nikiforov to instinctively let go of boy's hand. - If U're in pain it IS a reason to worry!!!! He whistled to Makkachin, tapped the bed near General and nodded to his side: - Look after him until I return. Dog wigged tail and licked Victor's cheek. *********************** Midnight call woke Phichit up but didn't really surprise him. As well as Yuuri in pajamas and army boots put on bare feet. He saw his best friend in even more weird states. The problem was clear. He put out some ampules and syringes and began to scroll through General Nikiforov's medical card. - Did U catch a cold, Katsuki-san? - Minami appeared from nowhere. Still not completely awake but as always super excited about hell knows what. - Your face is all red. [Just. Great. What am I supposed to answer? "Oh, it's ok, I've just occasionally kissed legendary General Snow King in a cheek."?????] Muttering something unclear, Yuuri grabbed medicines, listened to Phichit's warnings and rushed back. To his commander. Of course even more red then before. Minami sigh, pressing hands to face dreamily: - My OTP... ************************ When he returned Victor laid on the bed hugging Makkachin and hiding face into soft, brown fur. Is he asleep?... Private Katsuki unsurely touched naked shoulder. - Yuuri... - his voice was quiet and hoarse. - Please, go to sleep. U need a rest. - Phichit gave tramadolum for U. - Yuuri softly turned his commander on the back. Of course he wasn't the only one who being able to give an injection. Every soldier was taught medical basics. He was just too used to it for a newbie. Of course because of Phichit (or "dr.Hamsterviel" as he was often called by friends despite of lack of similarity). And it was also the reason why, unlike other martials, Yuuri never was reckless about medic themes. Boy took out first-aid kit, and returned to the bed with spirit and syringe but unexpectedly his General grabbed Makka, pressing him to the chest as a huge stuffed toy and curled into a ball near the headboard. - I'm a kind of... Don't like injections. I had too much of them during hospitals and stuff... - intonations sounded almost normal now. He even snorted. As if everything is fine. [Too much? Is it the only reason, General Snow King?...] Yuuri stopped for a second intensively thinking the situation over?.. Is his commander really scared of injections? But why? Painful memories? Or something else? But they must do it anyway. And do it right now. [What to do?! Think, Private Katsuki!!! What Mari-nee did when she brought U to doctors and U was afraid?...] Yuuri set on the bed near his General, stroke silver locks and when he raised a head cupped his face with both hands, smiling: - Please, darling... Don't be afraid. It won't cause U pain. He moved closer, to hug his commander: - Please, Victoru-chan... Don't be scared. I'm here. I won't let anything bad happen to U. [DARLING???!!!!! VICTORU-CHAN????!!!! Katsuki, are U retarted or what????!!!!!! Honestly he should punch U right now! Not to mention it was over-idiotic - to use tender pronounce of own country...] But all these internal screams didn't stop Yuuri from making embrace tighter and beginning to slightly cradle his General, caressing winter silk: - Don't worry, dear... It won't be painful... To say legendary General Nikiforov was surprised would be a shameless lie. He wasn't SURPRISED. He was STUNNED. And gasped with wide eyes unable to put thoughts together. He never experienced something like this before. If someone would ask Snow King what exactly he feels right now he definitely hadn't be able to answer. Either too stupid or too happy. Or both. Of course little traitor Private Katsuki used inadequate condition of his commander to press vein, touch skin with spirit pad and stuck the needle in... No, it's not painful. It could be even exciting in it's own weird way. But still... Tramadolum has some...unwanted side-effects. Victor blankly stared at empty syringe. Pain will fade away soon. It's not that good though... - U see? Everything is fine now. - Yuuri pressed a cold from spirit cotton pad to the vein, hugged his General with a free arm and caressed silver locks - U did great. U'll feel better soon. And now it's time to sleep. Somewhere in the corner of his mind General Nikiforov understood he should react somehow: say that he's not a kid to comfort him like this, or calm Kaiyo down because he is definitely worried, or... But he couldn't make a slightest move, unable to realize it all is for real. He didn't even notice when Yuuri turned off the light. - If U need something, I'm right here. - Boy laid his still speechless General to the pillow and covered with a blanket. Silence lasted about a minute. (And during this minute Yuuri several times almost died from heartattack hysterically thinking over again and again what had he done in last hour... - Yuuri?... - hoarse nearly to whisper voice sounded apologetic. Boy from Safe Zone almost jumped. From mix of worry and unreasonable embarrassment: - Yes, s-sir?.. - Are U here?.. Weird question. Victor tried to force out laugh but it sounded bitter. As an answer warm hand sneaked over his chest and pulled into soft embrace. Yuuri leaned to naked, sharp shoulder blades, breath touched the line of winter silk on the neck: - Aye, sir... I'm here for U, sir... This weird kid is always so brave in very unexpected moments... - Didn't I tell U? No "sir". We're family here. We call each other by names... -Victor caught milky-white wrist, intertwining their fingers. Nervously and too forceful. Private Katsuki didn't try to get free. Warm thumbs caressed icy-cold skin of his commander - I'm sorry for all this mess... - General inhaled making voice to sound less weak. Seemed like tramadolum worked on him rather fast. - I must explain U why I didn't want to use painkillers. U see... It has side-effects. Body is dizzy, mind is clouded... - Snow King sigh as if being a kind of bored with it all but then buried face into Yuuri's palms. Breath was shaking, more like sobbing, but cheeks stayed dry. - And... U know... I kinda... Loose control. Last time I got this injection... I was in hospital with damaged knee. They gave it to me every night for five days to make it possible to sleep. And every morning I found out the pillow is wet as fuck. And nurses muttered I cried for all six hours of it's effect. I didn't properly remember though... So stupid. I don't want U to be scared of disgusted...if something like this happens again. Boy from Safe Zone tightened embrace burring face into wither silk: - Why do U think so low about your subordinate, Victoru?... Crying is natural. And... U're not alone anymore. U won't wake up alone and in tears. I'm here. With U. [...And always will be with U. I'll wipe all your tears. If only I could... I'd wipe them with kisses... I'd give U my everything... My flesh and blood... Every second of my life...] - My Yuki-no-kami-sama... How did it happened - that Yuuri said it aloud - later he couldn't say for sure. But flawless body in his arms tensed up even stopping to breath: - Say... That... Again... Please... First Katsuki's wish was to roll into furthest corner and die there: how could it be??? Is his General mad at him now?... But... It's not a right time to be in hysteric. He just clung to Victor tighter: - It means "God of snow" in my language. [It's nothing to loose now. If he is mad, he has a right to kill me...] Kaiyo cupped commander's cheek stroking porcelain skin and repeated: - My. Yuki-no-kami-sama. Silence lasted for rather long. He'd think his General fell asleep but tense body in his arms made him doubt. Husky whisper touched boy's palm: - Yuuri... Where did U spend your epidemic period? Do U remember that times? [Ehhh??!! Why this question???] Private Katsuki shrugged shoulders blushing and being graceful to the entire Universe for laying behind his Snow King. He won't see this stupid redness. - Well... I don't remember much... I know we were evacuated because of risk of nuclear explosion in our region. It was a long trip. I can't say for sure what land it was.. And then threat was fixed and we were sent back home. But memories are so shadowed... I can't say what was a dream and what was for real. - Yuuri caressed silver silk away from commander's eyes. - But if U want, we can go and check it up in documents in the morning. General exhaled. Either disappointed or just thoughtful. And curled into a ball in Yuuri's arms, leaning to him with his back unexpectedly tight: - Yes... Let's do it. In the morning. Boy from Safe Zone locked the embrace and slid palm under Victor's cheek instead of a pillow: - Sleep well, sir... - "Sir"...my ass. - he lightly pushed Yuuri's side with an elbow and sigh - Sleep well, Private Katsuki, it's an order.

[shikis-game-reactions-blog]

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Spirit of Justice

WARNING: I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL GAME REVIEWER, GAME CRITIC, OR WRITER. The following is just purely my opinion and reaction to the game. Also, ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE. So, yeah, I’m sure there will be a grammar mistake somewhere there. Please don’t be a grammar nazi. Lastly, THIS WILL NOT BE AN ENTIRELY SERIOUS REVIEW. Yay. *insert cute puppy face*

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. The games I am reviewing belong to their respective owner(s). I DON’T GAIN ANY PROFIT FROM THIS, EITHER.

seeing your previous player character on the other side of the courtroom would make anyone scream

Okay, first, let me lay down some rationale for this game. The Ace Attorney franchise is really, really close to my heart. If Pokemon holds my past and my childhood, the Ace Attorney holds the key to my future – as dramatic as it sounds. The Ace Attorney is what pushed me to take the path of being a lawyer. Of course, it’s not the whole reason (I’m not too keen on putting my whole life and future over a single game, after all), the other is the desire to change all the stupid things that is happening around me. But still, it is what introduced me to the greatness of law, the importance of finding the truth, and the great feeling of satisfaction you get once you have found it.

note to self: don’t fangirl too much and read the important details. seriously.

CHARACTERS:

The Legend, Phoenix Wright

Let me say one thing, it’s really, really weird facing Phoenix in a courtroom battle. For five games, I’ve played as him, and then suddenly we’re battling against him as Apollo in a civil case!? I mean, we all anticipated it ever since we briefly controlled Edgeworth in Trials and Tribulations and acted as a Defense Attorney, but seeing the legendary Phoenix Wright on the other side of the courtroom is still surprising.

And scary. Definitely scary. Seeing Phoenix frown seriously, smirk and do a complete turnabout (which, normally is a good thing for us since we’re normally him) made Apollo (and us, the player) really quake in his boots. It’s like he’s getting back for all the abuse he received for being the butt monkey of the courtroom for the past 4 games!

Other than the very memorable Case 4, Phoenix goes back to being on our side again for the rest of the cases. I especially love the fact that even though 8 or so years has passed; Phoenix’s protectiveness over Maya has never failed. He went to another freaking country just because of a phone call for her! He fought on the wrong side of the truth (which is basically the opposite of his whole values) for her! He knowingly risked his life over her (though then again, this part’s nothing new)!

Every girl needs a Phoenix in her life, man. (NaruMayo ship: *sails*)

serious!Phoenix would make anyone tremble

Courtroom Revolutionaire, Apollo Justice

Okay, first of all, let me clarify; I KNOW THAT THIS TITLE BELONGS TO ATHENA. But it just fits, you know? (Also, I don’t know how to spell.)

I don’t care that the title of the game says Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney; Apollo is the real star of this game (it’s like the reversed version of Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, where the real conflict is about Phoenix.). I believe in the wandering fan theory that this last three games (Apollo Justice: AA, AA: Dual Destinies, and AA: Spirit of Justice) is about Apollo, similar to how the first three games (Phoenix Wright: AA, AA: Justice for All and AA: Trials and Tribulations) is about Phoenix.

And man, how those three games did a wonderful job building up Apollo into the brave little bird he is now. AJ shows how he starts as a rookie defense attorney, DD shows his high school-college past (aka Clay MY GOD *eternal crying*), and lastly, SoJ shows his childhood and ends in how he starts being a professional defense attorney (thus, making a complete, albeit reversed, circle).

Spirit of Justice shows a lot of tearjerker, heart-pulling and gasp-inducing scenes for Apollo that at this point in time I don’t know how he managed to not break down. Oh wait, he did break down, he even have a new, special animation for it. And my god that scene… I didn’t shed a single tear at that point, because I was just so horrified and overwhelmed and whatishappeningisthisreallyhappening. Yeah, that feeling. (I did cry, a lot, but at the later point of the game since it took time for my mind to acknowledge that ohmyggoditreallyhappenedhuuuHUHUHUHU-)

So yeah. Apollo really received his most-deserved characterization and development in this game.

The Funeral Prosecutor, Nahyuta Sahdmadhi

Nahyuta. Nahyuta… Is my baby. Because, really, he’s just so cute and naiive in some of the things! I mean sure, he’s really nasty, but so are the other prosecutors and you don’t see me hating on them (in fact Franziska is totally my role model). But we can’t all deny the fact that he’s really kind and gentle on other people, look at Ema for instance (it’s clear that he likes her btw, I just can’t decide if it’s platonic or romantic, since my KlEma heart’s really against it).

And just like any main prosecutors in any games, Nahyuta receives wonderful characterization and character development as the game progresses. Similar to Apollo, a lot of tearjerker scenes is about him, especially when you discover how much has he sacrificed for his family…

And Nahyuta’s totally an overprotective brother to Rayfa. I can’t wait to see the next game just to see their post-game interactions.  

look at this two original assistant babies turning to mature babies

The Ace Assistant, Maya Fey

MAYA. SHE’S BACK. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Ace Attorney fans have fully risen from the dead the moment the trailer showed Maya returning for this game. It’s what we have been wishing for in these past two games! Our beloved Ace Assistant is back! And partnered with Phoenix no less! Sarcastic conversations! Funny interactions! Ladders vs. Stepladders!

Our original Ace Attorney duo is back! AAAAAAAAA-

But still, of course 8 years have passed, so it’s inevitable for Maya to change. Even though most of the time she’s still childish and funny, there are still many scenes scattered all around the game that shows her all grown up that you can’t help but remember her older sister, Mia. The game shows Mature Maya, the Leader of the Kurain Village.

Also, the Spirit Channeling scene is very, very beautiful. I’m glad that we actually saw it for the first time.

lil’ princess is just so cute!

The Priestess, Rayfa Padma Khura’in

Princess Rayfa is a cinnamon roll. A tsundere cinnamon roll, and that what makes her a very cute and wonderful and funny assistant.

Serious talk though, Rayfa is the youngest (except for Ahlbi) character to be introduced in this game, and it shows. Although she acts all high-and-mighty and incredibly mature due to her status as a priestess, there are times that her childishness shows true. And I think it’s completely okay – and Phoenix and Maya does to. She tries too hard to immediately grow up , but what she doesn’t know is that being true to your age gives you wonders too.

And, oh god, the pressure given to her by her mother… I can totally relate.

That scene when she was asked to show her (adoptive) father’s death in a Divination Séance… it made me cry for Rayfa [seriously, this game made me cry a lot]. Sure, we’ve seen her faint a lot of the times, but it’s only for dramatics; to show how horrified she was that we beat her. But that scene… is the real deal. We actually saw Rayfa going pale, gasping for air, eyes wide… and faints. It’s – just – so heartbreaking…

can we all just cry

The Dragon, Dhurke Sahdmadhi

Oh my gosh, where do I even start.

*cries*

My first impression of Dhurke during the trailer was he’s the typical rebel antagonist in a game. And it continued on as we first got a glance on him at the end of the second trial.

Oh boy am I glad to be wrong.

I admit – Dhurke has not been a particularly good father to Apollo. Sure he’s got his reasons, being busy with the rebellion and all, but imagining a little Apollo hoping for his father to show up, pick him up and get him out of his misery – yet incredibly devastated as later, he will know that no one will show up, really broke my heart. Apollo did not deserve that. No child deserves that.

But oh man, he still loves Apollo. He loves Nahyuta. He loves Rayfa. He loves his children – anyone playing the game can see that. He just shows it in a different way, but every action he takes – it’s for the sake of his family. (Nahyuta really is similar to his father)

SPOILER

Too bad he’s not even alive. I can’t believe all the time we’ve spent with him as Apollo is… not exactly a lie, the interactions with him is the truth – he loves Apollo. But… you know.

Imagining his thought process while he was being spirit channeled by Maya and spending time with his son he had only seen now for the past two decades… is very depressing.

The Childhood Duo, Athena Cykes and Simon Blackquill

I admit, I am disappointed with these two. Well, not these two exactly, they’re perfect just the way they are (I MEAN CAN YOU BELIEVE IT SIMON AND ATHENA TEAMING UP. THE PSYCHOLOGY CHILDHOOD FRIENDS, DEFENSE-PROSECUTOR DUO IS TEAMING UP AAAAAA-), but I’m more sad in the roles they are given. More specifically, the wasted potential of their roles.

The theme of the whole game is inheritance. Inheritance from parent to child, and inheritance from teacher to student. And Athena and Simon’s ace – Psychology – is literally that, an inheritance from Metis Cykes!

They don’t need to create a whole batch of other characters. I’m not saying the Rakugo case sucks – it’s very new considering we have another Japanese culture-themed case; and the fact that a psychological disease (the multiple personalities stuff) is the main turning point of this case makes it a perfect case for Simon and Athena – but maybe they should have used it for the next game?

Athena and Simon were only introduced in the last game – so I’m definitely hungry for more backstory and deeper characterization for these two wonderful characters. And what better way for us to get to know more about theme more intimately than to get to know these two’s most important person, Metis Cykes, and her gift to them?

But hey – I’m complaining but I’m not particularly shunning these two and Case 3. As I said, Case 3 is a wonderful and genius case (but what would you expect from Ace Attorney, right?). It’s just that, the potential…

The Game

So far, this game has the largest amount of ‘gimmicks’ or ‘powers’ featured. Phoenix’s Magatama, Apollo’s bracelet, Athena’s Widget, Ema’s Forensic stuff, and the newly introduced Rayfa’s Divination Séance. I think the only missing power is Edgeworth’s Logic Chess, and we have the complete set!

Each of them is unique and special in their own way, and they definitely made the game much more exciting and enjoyable. OF course, the traditional courtroom battle is as hard, mysterious and exciting as ever!  I cannot even predict who the culprit was in the start of the case, and if it was obvious who did it (like, it was showed in the initial cutscene or was directly implied), I can’t figure out how he/she did it without the help of the character I’m acting as. Which is a new thing for me, since in the past games, I already know who the real culprit is even before the player character knows. Well, most of the time, at least.

And the plot, oh the plot was absolutely complicated and mind blowing it’s wonderful. The family drama is as – if not more – dramatic than the T&T one. And that’s saying something, considering that the Fey clan’s story is really complicated too. And as I mentioned earlier, this game gave meat for the characterization of several characters.

Also, it made me cry probably around ten times.

 FINAL REMARKS

DO I EVEN HAVE TO? GO PLAY IT. Though if you still haven’t play the previous games yet, do that first THEN PLAY THIS. THE STORY IS GOOD. THE GAMEPLAY IS AWESOME. THE CHARACTERS ARE WONDERFUL. *eternal scream*

 FINAL NOTES: I’M SORRY IF I MISSED ANYTHING. What I wrote here are the things that really stood out to me. My aim is not to review everything about the game, but to write what I remember the most and what my reaction to it. If I did react to the whole game, it would take about 20 pages or so in MS word. (This is 4 pages, btw)

[womenofcolor15]

WOW, REALLY? Terry Crews Throws Gabrielle Union Under The Bus, Defends ‘AGT’ Amid Investigation + Gabby Hires Orlando Jones For ‘LA’s Finest’

When “America’s Got Talent” host Terry Crews was offered the chance to show support for former “AGT” judge Gabrielle Union (who publicly took up for him during his sexual assault controversy) – he didn’t. In fact, he threw her under the bus, calling “AGT” the most diverse workplace ever.

Get those deets, plus more about how Gabby proves we’re #StrongerTogether with the hiring of Orlando Jones inside…

We want to say we’re surprised by this, but sadly, black women are used to this sort of treatment.

”America’s Got Talent” host Terry Crews appeared on the “TODAY” show where he was asked about former judge Gabrielle Union’s exit from the show after one season. You’ll recall, she reportedly made allegations of a "toxic" and "racially insensitive" work environment behind-the-scenes at the show.

In the interview, the 51-year-old host said since he isn’t a woman, he can not speak on any sexism claims and as far as racism on the show, he has never experienced it.

“First of all, I can’t speak for sexism because I’m not a woman, but I can speak on behalf of any racism comments,” the “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” actor said. “That was NEVER my experience on ‘America’s Got Talent.'” 

“In fact, it was the most diverse place I have ever been in my 20 years of entertainment," he added.

After it was announced that Gabby and fellow judge Julianne Hough would not be returning to the show, there were reports that Gabby exited the show due to its “toxic culture," which included “excessive notes” on her appearance, including accusations that she was told her hairstyles were “too black” for viewers.

Terry said he believes we should “listen to women and always believe women,” but since the allegations were “given by an unnamed source” he’s seemingly on the fence when it comes to speaking out about it. He said "Gabrielle has not made any statements to this day about any of these allegations publicly,” so he wasn’t sure what to say/do. He asked his wife Rebecca King-Crews what he should do and she told him, “If [Union] hasn’t made a statement, why would you?”

The "AGT" host also said he had not spoken to Gabby since the allegations surfaced.

We’d like to note, Gabby hasn’t directly addressed the allegations, however, after her exit she broke her silence with a tweet, thanking everyone for their support.

"So many tears, so much gratitude," she tweeted. "THANK YOU! Just when you feel lost, adrift, alone... you got me up off the ground. Humbled and thankful, forever."

Peep Terry's interview at the 2:45-minute mark below:

Sir, if you're a true alley, you don't have to experience sexism to comment on it.

After Gabby caught wind of his interview, she hopped on Twitter to respond. She first put up a tweet about being thrown under the bus and how she stepped up when he shared his truth. She didn't include his name, but we know who she's talking about.

“Thank u! Cuz girlllllll,” she tweeted. “Truth telling, wanting change & having MULTIPLE witnesses who bravely came forward to let EVERYONE know I didn't lie or exaggerate, really exposes those who enthusiastically will throw you under the bus, forgetting quickly who stepped up 4 THEIR truth.”

"Can someone please ask abt what happens to all that diversity folks are talking about BEHIND THE SCENES. Like, legit...where the hell is all that diversity in the production though homie?," she asked. "In the decision making ranks who control the fate of the diversity in front of the camera?"

Everything is funny. pic.twitter.com/oUaW6lklpi

— Clarkisha Thee Bully (@IWriteAllDay_) January 24, 2020

You’ll recall, Gabby was one celeb who publicly supported Terry Crews when he accused WME agent Adam Venit of sexually assaulting him at an industry party in 2016. So yeah, this is like a slap in the face.

And check it...

When Terry was in the midst of his sexual assault controversy, he said he was surprised by the amount of support he received from black WOMEN.

“To be honest with you when it first happened there was none for a long time. But, I have to say this: the people who surprised me the most were black women,” Terry said. “Black men did not want any part of it.” “All my support came from black women, straight up. And that’s kind of wild. It shocked me. It shocked my family," he continued.

Hmph.

The "L.A.'s Finest" actress then went on to say to question the diversity behind-the-scenes at "AGT," specifically the hair and makeup department. She also said they all had agreed to not speak about the situation until the investigation had been completed, but it seems all bets are off now.

"Let's also talk about where the diversity is in the hair & makeup dept for contestants that DOES NOT reflect all that diversity that hits the stage. Let's Google the exec's that run the show & ask follow up ?? about THAT egregious lack of diversity. Let's discuss the facts," she tweeted.

Gabrielle also proved what solidarity actually looks like.

"American Gods" star Orlando Jones was recently fired from the series. And he claims he was axed from the STARZ series due to the racist new showrunner. In several social media posts, Orlando said his character Mr. Nancy had “the wrong message for black America" and the new showrunner didn't like it, so he let him go.

After Orlando went public with the firing, Gabby hopped on Twitter to request a sitdown with him. And it apparently happened because he now has a recurring role in the second season of "L.A.'s Finest."

"What solidarity looks like. We are SO much stronger together. So happy to work with you my friend! @TheOrlandoJones," she tweeted.

Congrats!

Despite it all, Gabby will continue to fight: 

Folks on Twitter are sounding off about Terry's comments with disappointment:

  Beyond disappointing. Terry Crews could have spoken to his experience without going overboard to discredit @itsgabrielleu. BTW, I didn’t have to know Terry Crews or see what happened to him to support him. Sadly, black women are used to this. https://t.co/2uuQ4Yr6oG

— Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) January 24, 2020

  I wish I could say this is disappointing, but that’s not a strong enough word. As a person who wrote an entire piece about Terry Crews and the lack of support he received from Black men over his assault, I am appalled to see him move like this.

This is garbage, @terrycrews https://t.co/BhLEAgCJh5

— Frederick Joseph (@FredTJoseph) January 24, 2020

  Terry Crews is disgraceful for not only not publicly supporting Gabrielle Union but for choosing that moment to cape for the show. A black woman simply needed your support and you chose that moment to celebrate those who wronged her. No excuse for that

— God's Trombone (@TheBlackCyde) January 24, 2020

  It’s so sick that Black women & Black queers rolled up for Terry Crews while his cishet male peers shitted on him hard for his trauma & at his 1st opportunities he threw queer ppl & BW right under the bus for his comfort in patriarchy, etc. Not even for his survival... COMFORT

— Muting/Blocking = Self Care (@QueeringPsych) January 24, 2020

  Terry Crews is yet another example why I only support black women. I don’t give a fuck. Lmao y’all gon learn one day

— Muscadine and therapy stan account. (@MiAmorAlia) January 24, 2020

  Terry Crews received so much love and support from Black women. It's bullshit the way he is tap dancing and throwing Gabrielle Union under the bus.

— Stephanie! (@qsteph) January 24, 2020

  What's your take?

    Photos: Kathey Hutchins/Shutterstock.com

[Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2020/01/25/wow-really-terry-crews-throws-gabrielle-union-under-the-bus-defends-%E2%80%98agt%E2%80%99-amid-investigat