#this picture is all of my mental health
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Maximus "slayer of men and my ovaries" Meridius
#can he CAN HE JUST#FOR ONE SECOND#not be an absolute MENACE to my wellbeing#that man is so devastating to me it’s unbelievable#the??? the exposed skin here???#when i tell y’all i am FROTHING#BEGGING#PLEADING SOBBING MOANING ALOUD IN A PUBLIC PLACE#he is built like an OX and i cannot calm down about it#the mole on his side SIR#that is where my tongue belongs right this second#it’s not that violence is sexy but violence is soooooo sexy when he’s doing it#slaughter that guy maximus haha take him out#nothing sexier than a man who can obliterate your enemies turn around slowly and then make love to you gently while covered in their blood#whatever you want maximus whatever you want#arms outstretched legs open mind empty i’m so ready for him it’s INSANE#the hormones. are a bit much today#this is mental health#this picture is all of my mental health#HE is all of my mental health#the urge to just. lay him down and trace every last gorgeous inch of his body#he’s perfect he’s SO perfect i can’t be normal about it#i simply will not and cannot#don’t ask me about my fixation with kissing all over his skin#y’all aren’t ready for that yet#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe
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my heart dropped when i read the statement that sm put out re: taeil, genuinely the last thing i expected to read today. i’m shocked, disappointed, but most of all- i’m angry.
angry at what he’s done, angry at seeing some fans defend him, angry at those turning this into a gotcha moment to promote or lift their faves up. please, this isn’t just some discussion on the internet- there is a very real victim, a very real woman at the heart of all this. i hope she gets the justice and healing she deserves.
#apologies for coming in and dropping this#ik i havent written in a while#truly i have not been in the best emotional state but i needed to let this out#this is an issue that hits close to home to me and i just feel sick to my stomach at the news#always ALWAYS believe victims#goes without saying but moving forward i will not be supporting taeil#it’s a piece of a much bigger picture in how south korean women are being treated#i’ve been seeing a rise in the digital space of them raising awareness and advocating against the sexist rhetoric and harassment they face#i know this is an au account BUT very real women are being affected. real life will always take precedent over silly little brainrots#morals before kpop always#anyways sending love and light and hugs to those who need it#esp the czennies / taeil biased that are disheartened and disappointed#don’t feel guilty for having once supported him- we were all blindsided by the idol persona#idk when ill be back. truly need a bit of a mental health break#but ill see you all again soon <3
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they deserved better idc 😐
#it was so cool seeing the sign language and isha being mute was never something that needed fixing#she found a home and jinx found a reason to live#i know people are saying jinx survived because of the scene with Caitlyn but like...#why would jinx do that? she wanted to die this whole season she wanted to die at the beginning of the episode & that depression never faded#her escaping through the air vents implies a will to live#something jinx did not have#i thought it felt like the ending of ep 7 in the season one#trying to kill herself with ekko cause she didnt want to die alone. she had warwick when she pulled out & detonated one of her monkey bombs#like I'd love it if she was alive and left cause yea fuck Piltover get outta there honey!#and Isha's sacrifice meant nothing. she's just not mentioned at all we didnt even see Sevika's reaction to her death...#not dc#arcane#arcane spoilers#jinx arcane#isha arcane#tw suicide mention#the ending with Caitlyn felt like another moment of her and Vi having no idea the severity of Jinx's mental health issues#vi was upset she didnt wanna fight and go make change and shit and never mentioned the ''my sister wants to kill herself''#as if jinx wasn't in a depressive state every time we saw her in that cell.#and her removing herself from the equation so the others can be happy is ??????#so i guess she was a jinx to her family??? that she was the problem? its a frankly gross message to send with a suicidal character#that yes actually your loved ones will be better off without you in the picture you complicate things
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My farmer arc
#yeah its way to late in the year to be hatching but this is florida where crackheads and repu-#anyways it doesnt get truly cold until january and they will be fully feathered by then#they have a mom#and she is UH WARM#shes a silkie so you know brooding powerhouse#my mom's silkies actually#these guys arent mine but she dont mess with them and Sarah wanted to brood on a clutch so i let her#FIRST TIME TOO SHE DID GREAT the other 3 eggs are a little younger so they will probably pip tomorrow#only one death and it was from an unobsorbed yolk#being medicated has been fucking fantastic i have a normal relationship with the internet so far and i have been like....idk healtheir?#still haveing heath problems like CURRENTLY RIGHT NOW AS IM TYPING IM IN PAIN but like overall mental health is FANTASITC i dont feel manic#anymore at all its just nice and good and ive gotten out of the years long brain fog ive had for the most part it seems#sorry for the turbo haiatus but i said before i post on my own terms for drwwings and comic#i have to thank you all with being very patient with me so eveeyone gets a cute Chick picture
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🐇 Best Way To Show Yourself Love
We have been talking about love and since Valentine’s coming up, why not we talk about loving ourselves? Have we thought of how to show ourselves some love? And in what form?
Close your eyes, meditate on this topic and ask yourself the question: What is the best way to show yourself more love? Breathe in and out, make sure your mind and heart is calm. Then, open your eyes to see which pile talks to you the most/draws you in the most. Once you’ve found your pile, scroll down to the respective parts to see what are the messages for you.
Pile 1 - Pile 2
Pile 3 - Pile 4
Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever that you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. That aside, I do not consent to my work or images used here to be used by third parties on this platform or other websites.
Decks used: Luna Cat Tarot Deck (Major Arcana), Linestrider Tarot Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck.
Pile 1
Main theme of querent - The Fool, The High Priestess
You're someone young in energy and yet has an old soul at the same time. You're probably someone who has tapped into your spiritual abilities and has been using them subconsciously. There’s some form of learning I’m seeing? There’s a chance that you’re also learning some stuffs of spirituality and learning to be more in tune with yourself.
What do you need in terms of love - King of Swords rx
You need rationality and structure, you need things that are concrete, you need stability instead of flightiness. Some form of maturity, some mature energy. I have a feeling that some of you may be Saturn dominant as well. There’s also some sort of empathy and compassion that you need due to the over rationality that you have.
Why do you need those needs fulfilled - Four of Swords
You’ve been deprived of love for yourself. You’ve been giving out love until you’re nothing but an empty husk. You need structure for yourself, so that you won’t over give until you’re empty, and that you need people to love you too, you need those compassion directed towards you. You’ve been so, so tired of giving and giving, never receiving. So it’s time that you learn how to set boundaries.
When, especially, you need to love yourself more - The Magician
When you want others to love you. Lemme explain. When you want people to love you, when you wanna “manifest” love into your life, it’s a sign that you’re not loving yourself enough that you want to rely on other people to love you, to validate you. It shouldn’t be that way. You should love yourself more, and other people will follow suit to love you when they see you loving yourself, knowing that you’re worthy of love. I hope I’m making sense here.
How can you love yourself more? - Four of Wands rx
Be in harmony with yourself. I know it’s difficult but this is something that takes a long time as it’s a lifelong process (I say as though I’ve been through an entire lifetime). But for real, face that fear in you, nurture your inner child, celebrate every small wins, etc. Start from something small, as every small wins will build up to a huge win. Know that you’re on the right path and believe in yourself.
What will it be like when you’ve loved yourself more - The Hierophant
You’ll be more grounded and less flighty. You’ll learn how to look at things from various perspectives and learn how to nurture yourself better, starting with yourself. For some reason, I’m also seeing that people will respect you more? Maybe cuz of the boundaries you’ve set, maybe because you’ve learnt to pamper yourself and work on yourself more instead of focusing on others? Either way, the change in you will be evident that people’s view on you will change. But most importantly, the change in you will be evident to you as well, where you’ll learn how to focus on yourself more.
Advices for you - Five of Wands rx
Release whatever tension that’s within you. It’s not easy, so let’s start with remembering that life is not a competition, that there’s no need to keep rushing and comparing with other people. There isn’t a necessity to keep running away from conflicts. Avoid what can be avoided, face up what needs to be faced. Just listen to your heart, it’s stronger than the anxiety you have in you.
Extra card - Three of Cups rx
Spend some time for yourself, meditate if needed. There’s a huge call for independence for this pile. Maybe some of you have been relying on others, some have been relying on substance/alcohol. But most of all, most of y’all have been relying on external validations, as mentioned in the above sections. Let your dreams guide you, inspire you, let your heart show you the way. Find the missing piece in your heart and accept limitless joy into your life.
Overall energy - The Empress, Wheel of Fortune
There’s fear I see in this pile, where you’ve been waiting for The Fated Time to save you out from your problems and all. There’s a need to nurture yourself. Your higher self is calling you to connect with them and they want to help you to nurture yourself. Dreams may be significant so focus on them, do not fear the dreams and the mysterious notion behind.
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Pile 2
Main energy of querent - Chariot rx
There’s some form of stagnancy here, like you’re standing at a crossroad and you have no idea which direction to head. There’s no strength nor will nor balance in you, and there’s some form of flighty energy where you just wanna charge without thinking, but there’s also a rational energy stopping you, and now you’re at a stalemate.
What do you need in terms of love - Seven of Cups rx
You need some form of personal alignment, you need to readjust and find the values you stand for, and live with it. You still don’t know the values you wanna hold on to, your baseline, and you need to spend time to find them. I feel that messages around you are important, like the Universe is guiding you to find your values. It’s like trying an error, where you notice something’s wrong when something off happens, and you’ll go “Oh that’s a red flag for me.”
Why do you need those needs fulfilled - Two of Cups
There’s a need to nurture yourself and to be in harmony with yourself. This card to me is a couple card, so there may be a reason that you need those needs fulfilled so that you can find the other half you’ve been craving. Always, and I mean always, love yourself first, then only you can attract someone of your mentality and someone who can reciprocate the energy (in this case, reciprocate your love to them).
When, especially, you need to love yourself more - The Fool
Everytime. The Fool is a card that talks about new beginnings, and he’s always on a journey to meet the various cards. So yeah, you need to constantly love yourself, you need to constantly remind yourself that you’re worthy of love. Know that whatever that happens around you is planned, it’s like a divine timing, where everything will happen in place.
How can you love yourself more? - Eight of Pentacles
Aim for more variety, expose yourself to various things, various skills. The more things you learn, the more interested you become, and you’ll realize how amazing you are. Especially when you’ve learnt to master a certain skill. There are people around you who support who you wanna be and they share your values. I feel that this is a very pleasant card cuz it’s not only you, but there are people around you who fully support you.
What will it be like when you’ve loved yourself more - Four of Pentacles
You'll be more self assured, like there’s some form of stability and security for yourself. You’ll be able to hold on to your values and for some reason, I see spending on yourself more? Like, you’ll learn to pamper yourself more instead of pampering others. It’s not really a bad thing but just be aware to not let yourself be isolated from your social circles, and to also treat others nicely too.
Advices for you - Ace of Cups rx, Five of Swords
Right now, you’re probably experiencing an unhealthy uhhh bunch of emotions. There may be some hold back or over venting your emotions over a situation to a close one. It’s difficult to balance out and you constantly feel defeated over that particular situation. It’s high time for you to take charge of your emotions and to not let it rule over you. Worry not, it’s time for you to heal and move on, and things will move rather fast compared to what you originally expected.
Overall energy - The Lovers, Death rx
I have a feeling that some of you are questioning relationship related items. Maybe the unhealthy bunch of emotions mentioned earlier are due to this? No matter what it is, you’re currently unable to move from it. There’s some form of past that is linked to this issue that is haunting you, making you unable to move forward. However, things are bound to change. You’ll need to learn how to let go. With the help of your dreams, know that you are ready to make changes towards a new you.
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Pile 3
Overall theme of querent - The Chariot
Unlike Pile 2, your energy is fast forward. You’re prolly the type of person with the motto “Do first, think later”. You charge ahead fearlessly, you love fearlessly. You do it because you know that others won’t do, and even if it may harm you. You’re going forward at a fast pace without looking around much. You probably should slow down and also consider some other options as you’re traveling on your way, so you can make the choices that will benefit you the most.
What do you need in terms of love - Three of Swords rx
Healing is needed in terms of love. You’ve been through too many hardships and that has kept you on your toes, that has made you work for others to earn their love. This should not be the case. People who naturally love you will love you for who you are. You don’t need to earn their love and respect. You are already deserving of love, and you need to learn that.
Why do you need those needs fulfilled - Nine of Swords rx
To release yourself from whatever dark thoughts that have been haunting you. It must have been tiring, lonely and cold to walk on this road alone. You have never been selfish for yourself, always have been working and wanting the best for others. This has thrown you into some turmoil and has been making your mind wander around to the negative side more. Do know that your vulnerability shows how human you are, and you should allow it to honour your inner grace, wisdom and beauty.
When, especially, you need to love yourself more - Nine of Cups
When you need emotional fulfillment. The cards are all linked together from the various sections. You have been deprived and now, you need to love yourself the most when you want yourself to feel full of love. No greater love comes from within you. Your guides have been sending various messages and hints to you to tell you to love yourself more when things have been difficult, to pamper yourself more. Have you noticed the things that you wanted are on sale? It’s time for you to get it!
How can you love yourself more? - Knight of Wands
Go on an adventure, have a change of pace, see things from some other point of view, enjoy and let yourself be impulsive at times. You need to start to take action to change your life for the better, and it’s all up to you. No one can make you change, no prep talk would be able to do that. It has to come from within you, that you need to let go of whatever burden that’s holding you back and let yourself be free, to go and do whatever you’ve wanted to do.
What will it be like when you’ve loved yourself more - Strength
You become stronger. No I’m not talking about the physical sense of being stronger, I’m talking about the mental and emotional state of you getting stronger, more at peace and more affirmative with yourself. You have more claim, more power over yourself, over your own emotions. You control your emotions, you’re taming the lion, not letting the lion of emotions rule over you.
Advices for you - King of Cups rx
There are themes of self sabotage that I’m seeing here. So take this as a warning to be conscious of what you’re doing, to make sure that you’re not treating yourself unfairly. There may be times where you’re extremely moody but know that those times will pass. Love others by loving yourself. Stop self-sabo. I don’t know what else to say cuz that particular theme is just screaming out at me.
Extra cards - Death, Four of Swords rx
Change is needed. You’ve been stagnant for so long and that’s doing you no good. You’re no longer in your comfort zone, you’re in your mold zone, because you’ve been there and have not moved a little bit at all. Which calls upon change, change in point of view at least, where you move from one place to another and to have a different view, to have a different experience, to experience wonder, delight and joy.
Overall energy - Strength, The Empress
Strength has appeared again and this time, it’s paired with the lady who tames the fiercest beasts, the Empress. There’s a feminine strength to this pile’s energy, where you’re in tune with your feminine energy and know when to use it. You also know how to let yourself be surrounded by those who share your visions and values, and you also support them. There’s some Moon energy as well here so some of you may be Moon dominants.
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Pile 4
Overall theme of querent - The Fool rx, The Sun rx, The High Priestess rx
First of all, Pile 4, are y’all okay? The cards legit flew out and it made me go 👀. Have y’all been reckless recently? I have a feeling that y’all have been doing shit on impulse and then regretting it and then doing it again just because. There’s also some risky yet withdrawal kinda energy here and I certainly hope that none of you are doing substances or unhealthy habits or addictions like please. (I feel like I’m calling out myself)
What do you need in terms of love - Knight of Swords
First thought is words of affirmation. Love letters are something you’d die to receive. There’s a huge mental energy that’s here, giving me the feeling that you’d prefer intelligence over emotional sensitivity. But then this card here is telling you that you need patience, compassion and kindness as well, else everything will not be balanced. Love comes in a full package, where everything needs to be present to make your heart feel full.
Why do you need those needs fulfilled - Five of Pentacles
The feeling of being all forlorn and forsaken have been looming over you. You’re probably someone who has lost faith. You can only help yourself to push yourself out of this state of grief, pain and loss. I think it’s cuz you’re going through something tough and hence, you’ve been relying on external things to help you cope with whatever you’re experiencing. You need people to be patient with you, be kind to you so that you can have that spark of faith back again.
When, especially, you need to love yourself more - Six of Swords
When you’re transitioning into a new phase of life. You need that courage to move from this phase of… Slump into a new and brighter place. And you need to give yourself time, allow yourself to be vulnerable to be able to heal and move on. Know that you yourself create peace, prosperity and joy in your life. You are in charge of your life, you are the one who’s gonna decide when you’re gonna move into that new phase, where will that new phase be.
How can you love yourself more? - Four of Cups
Contemplate, evaluate, meditate. Contemplate on your visions, on what you want; evaluate yourself to see if you’ve been working towards what you’ve wanted; meditate to let your heart be at ease. You can also surround yourself with those who support your vision and share your values. Self introspection is required, but having a community that supports you to be better is equally important.
What will it be like when you’ve loved yourself more - The Hanged Man rx
You’ll be able to move on from whatever that’s holding you back. You’ll be learning to see new things from different perspectives and get moving, awakening with a feeling of being energised and you’ll be able to begin your day with gratitude. You have the ability to spring to action and to move on, but it’s entirely up to you if you wanna do it or nah.
Advices for you - Ace of Swords rx
There’s a lot of clouds being around you, hindering you from obtaining your inner clarity. This card is here to tell you to think twice or thrice when you’re about to do something, to define your goals. Check for any disturbances that may be preventing you from achieving mental clarity and happiness. Let your thoughts to flow and maybe write them down with the various methods, 5W1H or the various Whys to get to the root cause of a particular thought or emotions.
Overall energy - Judgement, Two of Swords rx
There’s some form of fear of judgement that I’m seeing here. There’s some form of indecision here, where you have no idea you want to spend that energy and time to change, or you wanna continue to be in your current state. In the case you wanna change, I’d suggest you to start by getting into the kitchen and making yourself a simple meal, where it can symbolise you moving from the old to the new.
#tuliptic#🌷#pick a card#pick a picture#pick a pile#tarot reading#ok that's all i'm gonna tag#this is a reading that's suggested by my first friend here - Ara#I miss interacting with her here#but i know her emotional and mental health is more important than anything#not to mention i still am able to connect with her hehet
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🗣️🗣️ pov dan and phil base their pizza selection in part 2 of their iconic mukbang video on their hatred for the detroit pizza company that almost ruined your life
#validating my trauma???#yessir#no but actually when i tell you i went into shock when they showed the picture#i recognized it immediately#of ALL the pizza places in the world tho#lmao rlly just dumping in the tags#that fucking company#was the reason i was forced to move halfway across the country during covid lockdown at the start of high school#from a big city to a small conservative snobby suburb#like completely isolated from everyone and everything i knew#stuck w my only resource being my shitty toxic ass family#that’s in nice terms lmao#bc my dad got a job w them#that he DIDNT EVEN KEEP#already wasn’t the most mentally stable#so when i say it spiraled into complete mental health crisis like#nearly hospitalized (or maybe i technically was briefly idk??) almost didn’t finish high school etc etc#has taken years to try to come back from it#still barely even there yet#i mean obvi there were several factors but one of the biggest instigators was the move#and the reason for it?#that fucking pizza company#and yeah can confirm it’s greasy as shit and kind of nasty#dnp#dan and phil#phan#dapg#dan and phil games#dnpgames#pizza
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on today's very special episode, annaface wonders what to do about fascism, which is funny because this chapter was planned well before the impending fascist takeover of the country i live in, el oh el
#caves of qud#caves of qud fanfiction#i'm still writing stuff and uploading stuff but i'm not really paying much attention to the internet at this point#like i said ill browse and reblog a few funny pictures but#for my own mental health i'm pretty much otherwise largely checked out of all of this
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me trying to find the motivation to get through a day like:
#the wingfeather saga#peet the sockman#artham p. wingfeather#the wingfeather saga tv show#memes#behold a wingfeather meme!#rather pleased with how this turned out#the best boy <3#okay but seriously when I'm having a bad day at work I do really find the pictures/screenshots of peet I have stashed on my phone#and stare at them for a while#but hey my counselor says staring at something you love for 5 minutes a day can improve your mental health!#this is also janner all throughout the series xD#janner having a hard time: what would uncle artham do#me: same
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me: well, my adhd gotta come from somewhere
my relatives: most likely not from us
my grandma, unable to sit still, always moving and doing chores, getting up in the middle of the night to clean and do laundry, rushing by and refusing to sit down for lunch for longer than five minutes, currently interrupting my aunt: we definitely don't have adhd
me: 👀👀👀 uhu. whatever you s— aaaand there she goes 👁👄👁
#alex yells at the void#by god i need to tell my psychiatrist about her she's a hyperactivity picture child#my mothers caffeine addiction and my sisters diagnosis are also rearing their heads in the background#they're all super chill about my mental health stuff though!! just not very. self aware lmao
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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Foaming at the mouth and going feral waiting for Fig to open up more to her parents and friends 🤧 I rmr all through middle school and high school holding everything in and being unsure about myself and putting on a tough mask with walls so high because I wanted to hide and not exist and just.. 🤧 having friends that were patient and loving and understanding even if they didn’t know my whole deal was life changing. I just wanna wrap Fig up in a big hug and tell her that she doesn’t need to have it all figured out, but that she’s still wanted and appreciated for all the qualities and facets that she exudes regardless of if she can lay all those things out and understand them. Despite it all, who she is and who she will become: She is loved. She is wanted. She should exist.
#I’m getting emo about herrrrr#I spent sooo long with my walls up bc I thought the way I was wasn’t good enough#you don’t have to know who you are and a lot of people still don’t know well into their 20s/30s/40s#the people around you and that love you know#they know your heart and character what your interests are the foods you like etc#all of that stuff makes you who you are#you don’t have to have a string of buzzwords or your personality all layed out in a numbered list#and if you do that’s lovely too and being comfortable with that changing as you grow is beautiful as well#tw for mental health/personal stuff#growing up and sometimes falling into being s*ic*d*l really makes you feel like you have no reason existing puts you through#identity crises more often than not and getting older and still breathing and taking each day at a time helps you figure out parts of you#even if the big picture is fuzzy or incomplete you still have every right to be alive#to keep existing and learning about yourself#even when it’s hard#dimension 20#fhjy
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Due to what is happening with the Wilbur allegations, I've come to the conclusion that it's not only likely to be him. But it's also better for my mental health to step away from Wilbur content.
We made it to 1084 days. This blog has been a rollercoaster and I've loved every second of it. I hope you stick with me for the foreseeable future. Thank you for all the support. I love you all and you mean so much to me.
#wilbur soot#catboy wilby talks#this doesn't mean I'm leaving. I'm just posting about other things#even if the allegations are false. it's better for my mental health to stop the daily pictures of him#Thank you all for the support over the past 1084 days. it's been absolutely amazing#especially seeing all your tags and reblogs#I hope you stick with me for the foreseeable future
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sorry i need to just scream abt bad things and evil thoughts
#financial aid is still pending and deadlines are past due so i won’t be going to school#i crashed my car in to a tree the other day#my application for healthcare also is ‘pending’ and they won’t give me an answer at all about approving or denying it#my last hope is a job interview i have on wednesday and i’m hoping i can finally get hired full time soemhwere#simply because i can get insurance that will HOPEFULLY cover reduction/top surgery#but at this point i’m so worn out and exhausted#the idea of having to work for a whole year and then attend a whole year of dr visits trying to convince them i need this#plus consultations#and the possibility of still being denied#makes me feel insane and i want to give up on the life race#all that work does not seem worth it i can’t picture my mental health being good enough for that for the next 2-3 years#also there is something i really want to draw but no matter how hard i try it’s not working#anyways if u made it this far thanks#hope you have a good day
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This collab I joined like eight months ago that I didn’t really enjoy being in finally got posted today but for some reason only on twitter and I don’t go there so I can’t even see the whole thing :/
#I had. so many quarrels with it.#first of all instead of staying in mutual groups like it was supposed to the collab somehow blew up and got eighty people participating#and THEN you’d think since so many people were there everyone would have like one part right? like what we originally agreed to do with#seven people?#WRONG!!!! I got three parts plus a background without getting consulted about it#and then when I tried to make friends in the discord with all the other artists#at least seven people online at the time were raging mysoginists#telling me no women in this series can be anything except perfect dainty little princesses#except for one woman who was allowed to do a little evil bc she was associated with a MAN#who ACTUALLY wouldn’t be evil#and when I said that’s not accurate to the actual story everyone started crying and saying I offended them#bc ‘they thought really hard about this!!’ stfu you piece of shit#and then everyone in the discord sexualised the fuck out of my fave character who. also happened to be the one I was drawing.#so I got too grossed out to finish my part and ignored the disc for several months#and the host never thought once to tag everyone for check in until a week before the deadline#so I dropped all but one of my parts (the one I had mostly finished when I got grossed out)#and finished that and didn’t touch the disc again for the sake of my own mental health#but it finally got posted and I can’t even see it I only have my groups picture#but whatever. I didn’t like anyone there anyway at least I can leave the disc without feeling guilty now#inkbagel speaks
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Building a cute little house in minecraft and feeling myself regain +1000000 sanity points
#on a modded world rn and it is sooo pretty especially with shaders#i built a little cottage on the water in a bayou full of willow trees#it has a moss roof covered in azalea and lavender and a cozy fire place and i think all of my mental health issues have been cured now 👍#other than the lesbian yearning but alas that is terminal#anyways lmk if you guys want pictures of my house#minecraft#modded minecraft#minecraft survival#minecraft survival mode
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Sometimes I forget that there's an external universe I'm supposed to interact with beyond my internal one
#Like my little world is so different to the people I have to physically interact with and the places I spend my time#Tumblr is the melting pot of it all#I forget and then I remember to check my email inbox#And then I regret all my life choices#And my unmatched ability to#Procrastinate#And delve into#Brain rot#At the speed of light#I spend too much time on here#But its honestly so healing after decades of locking away my thoughts and interests and ideas#Like just casually seeing my feed splattered with wlw content and Sci fi rants and mental health pivots and adorable cat pictures#This place has been so wholesome and kind when offscreen life isn't#Thanks to the mutuals for being as unrelentingly unhinged and obsessive about their interests as me#Ye genuinely do make my day#Much as some of the things ye say make me want to hunt ye down for provoking my emotional depths#Love#Just a crazy hick off her rocker#gratitude#late night thoughts#neurodiverse stuff#fandom things#i love my mutuals
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