#this originally ended with jeremy saying “what what do you mean it's just me”

[vykio]

The game is flash fic Saturday and @merceyca and @billdenbrough and I spun a wheel with these reverse trope prompts. I got dating my enemy's sibling and jane pitched jeremy and neil and I have many thoughts on their potential dynamic HAHA but here's a little AU type thing about it—which I added to LOOL it is now 800 words and some change

“I don’t hate Neil,” Jeremy says, which must be as unconvincing as it sounds if the flat look Cat gives him is any indication. The thing is, he doesn’t, really, because Jeremy thinks hate is an emotion that takes far too much energy, and Neil hasn’t technically done anything to him that would warrant hating him. “I don’t. He and I just…”

“Do whatever the opposite of getting along like a house on fire is?” Cat says casually. She rolls her shoulder back then lifts the sleeveless cup of her dress again with a sigh. It’s been making her uncomfortable all night and it’s the only thing she can do to bear it. She hadn’t chosen to wear the dress tonight but her mother hadn’t given her a choice. Jeremy gives her a sheepish look, wishing he could do something for her, and she waves it off. 

Next to her, Laila shakes her head. She puts one of every buffet option she wants on her own plate, and everything she thinks she’ll like on Cat and Jeremy’s plates, for them to taste first. “More like Jeremy is the house and Nathaniel is the looming forest fire that lights him up,” Laila suggests. Her side-eye is extremely judgemental, which Jeremy thinks is unfair and untrue. Jeremy is always polite first when they’re forced into interaction, and Neil is often aloof or not secretive about the contempt he holds for Jeremy—and Jeremy can’t pinpoint when in the last year Neil became this way.

("Is Neil mad at me?" Jeremy asks Jean once, after an awkward greeting with Neil in their living room. It had  been stilted, but Neil's gaze on him had been intense, as if he'd been waiting for Jeremy to mess up—something. Jeremy wracks his brain to see where he might've misstepped with Neil, but then Jean turns towards him abruptly, bumping chest to chest and knocking him out of his thoughts.

"Hey," Jeremy says, surprised, then "Hey," more suave, with a flirtatious grin. "You don't have to bump into me to get my attention anymore."

Jean rolls his eyes and mumbles, "I've never done that." He exhales, his eyes doing a slow scan of Jeremy's face before he speaks again. "He is not mad at you. He's just weird. I will tell him to be—" Jean waves his hand, searching for words. He settles on, "—less weird."

Jeremy lets out a nervous laugh because he doesn’t know what else to say to that. Though Jean apparently followed through on his promise because now Neil is more careful about being openly wary of Jeremy where Jean can see him.)

“Neil,” Jeremy says to Laila automatically, as Neil has spent much time telling them he prefers the shorter name. 

“And you know what?” Cat spins the spoon in the air once, as if it might draw her thoughts up more clearly. She points at him with the spoon when she lands on what she wants to say. “I don’t even know the full extent of the beef you have with him.”

Before Jeremy can tell her he doesn’t either, there’s commotion at the door that steals their attention. They turn to find a swarm of bodies greeting the Moreau business moguls as they arrive at the charity event with their two children in tow. Jeremy smiles and waves at Jean when he spots him, and Jeremy can see from here how he lights up. Jean is halfway to him when he gets accosted by another guest. That leaves Neil clear in his line of sight. Neil stares so Jeremy stares back, and Jeremy refuses to look away first. Jeremy lifts his hand to wave stiffly at Neil, who rolls his eyes at him, and Jeremy doesn’t hold on to emotions like irritation but they do flare up when someone is being rude. Neil turns away before Jeremy’s fake smile could falter, but he lets it slip when Neil slinks into the crowd.

“We don’t have beef,” Jeremy says lightly, picking up a spoon and gently moving the food around it so it doesn't spill over the edges of his plate. Jeremy considers adding that he’s a vegetarian and he’s not freaking scared of his boyfriend’s brother, but if 3OH!3 makes their way into the conversation, Laila might scream, which would set Cat off screeching with delight, and then they’d have a real scene on their hands and maybe more ammunition for Neil to hate him. “I have a feeling he just hates anyone who talks to Jean.”

“No, it’s just you,” Cat insists, leaning into him. “He has nice, long-winded conversations with me about Animal Crossing and how much he hates this bitch-ass falcon on his island.”

“He talks to me like a normal person,” Laila adds.

Jeremy gasps, “Traitors,” just to be dramatic, and when Cat grins at him wickedly, he grins back.

[rtfics]

That glare & Beej showing his love for Lydia.

In the counseling office Lydia says Beej's name once, so he screeches ( a' la the original movie) and binds her mouth. Her expression isn't one of fear or terror -- unlike Rory -- but of "Oh god, seriously, you're pulling this on me again, I could slap you, you jerk" that you have with someone you know well and who can irritate the fuck out of you, but you still want him around.

unmute

Later, Lydia rips off the stitches, proving that her lips weren't actually sewn shut, but the stitches were more like duct tape. Beej didn't do anything that would really cause her pain. And, more importantly, she has the power to defeat his power.

Beetlejuice grants Lydia autonomy over his admittedly massive powers. She apparently doesn't realize this yet -- she's pissed at him for the moment.

But, if this storyline follows logically, Lydia should eventually see Beetlejuice could pretty much force her to do anything, if he wanted. She should, I hope, notice that, as obnoxious and arrogant as he is, he gives her the choice in so many things.

In the counseling session he shuts up her just long enough to show what a coward Rory is -- he knows she'd interrupt. He shows how Rory refused to listen to what Lydia said about not saying Beej's name in order to force her to face her supposed delusion. If Lydia were paying attention she'd see Rory treats her as an inferior, that he thinks he knows what's best for her, that she isn't mature or clear-headed and therefore he needs to control her. Beetlejuice shows Lydia, not tells, that she can handle the strange and unusual and gross, but Rory has no stomach, or spine, for it. When Beej says "C'mere" to Lydia and draws her to him, he doesn't stop her from snapping "Home home home!" and leaving, which we can be pretty sure he could do.

He shows, not tells, Lydia what a lying, conning bastard Rory has been all along, and merely asks -- doesn't tell -- if she'd like to do something about it, and provides her with an aid -- the boxing glove -- to express her feelings.

My personal theory is Beetlejuice needs Lydia to decide for herself whether she warms to him or not. Twice he's made a deal with her and held up his end. Twice Lydia has broken her side of the bargain. But in neither case has he used his power to punish her for it. He stepped aside and helped her reconnect with her dead husband by going to "th' lil' Boys Room." He saved Astrid, not only from the Netherworld but from Jeremy. He saved Lydia from a bad marriage to a user who didn't love her. And, peripherally, he saved her from a life lost in a pill-popping fog, a life Rory kept her in as "an enabler" -- which Beej pointed out in the counseling session.

Sooner or later, Lydia should realize all this. Beetlejuice not shoving it in her face -- "HEY! I saver yer life an' yer daughter's life an' this is the thanks I get?!" -- shows he wants Lydia to come to this on her own, in her own time.

I mean, shit, what potential lover/boyfriend/husband does this?

Once her anger at her life suddenly being up-ended fades, Lydia, being an intelligent woman now free of mind-numbing drugs, should awaken to the strange fact that Beetlejuice has actually been doing things in her interest more than in his.

[not-xpr-art]

Len and Tommy's life told through nine photos ~

A fanart based on the Inside no 9 episode 'Bernie Clifton's Dressing Room' because I loved it so much!

(09/2024)

See below for close ups and unnecessarily detailed explanations of each individual artwork lol

First wanna say that I spent wayy too long on these (like 25+ hours), especially trying to make them look like actual old photos lol... also trying to get their likeness right for the various ages was really bloody hard lol, but hopefully each photo has the essence of each character even if it might not look 100% right pfft...

Second thing is that the dates & locations are very much my own subjective thoughts on their life and not particularly rooted in the canon of the show lol

Also I did go really heavy with the colour symbolism lol...

Ravenhill School, 1965.

The year they met, both are around the age of 10 (give or take). Len is 3 from the left in the top row, Tommy 2 in from the left on the bottom row (also I tried to include references to the other 2 League Of Gentlemen guys... Though I think the only vaguely recognisable one is Jeremy pfft)

Also shout out to @lapis-lazuliie for the idea that they met at school!

(side note, this is the least detailed of all the paintings not just because I was too lazy to render all those children's faces pfft but ALSO because of the significance of them being less recognisable or prominent in each other's lives in this point...)

I was planning on making another childhood/early teen photo but couldn't really think of any good subject matter that could also fit thematically with the episode (also the fact both are coming from poor families who would have had limited access to cameras in this era means we can just pretend that there are just no photos that really exist of them at these ages pfft...)

Photo booth in Leeds, 1974.

Both in their late teens, they'd (well, mainly Tommy) gone to a photo booth in Leeds with the intention of getting some professional looking photos only for Len to immediately make Tommy laugh once they got in there lol

The middle photo is covered in lines as Tommy had planned on throwing it away, only to find he couldn't bring himself to do it in the end... Is it platonic? Romantic? Both? Who knows, you decide lol! I mainly wanted it to be a candid moment between two people that love each other lol

(final one is them play fighting because that's kinda just what 19 year olds are like pfft... also I think photo booths technically gave you 4 photos? so let's pretend there was another photo that they did throw away for whatever reason lol...)

Rehearsals, 1979.

Deep in the midst of practising their routine for some of their first performances!

I'll admit this photo was mainly me wanting to include something more episode specific lol and also to get in some much needed heavy handed symbolism (the crease in the photo separating them, the bottle in front of Len's face, etc)

Polaroids taken at Tommy's flat, 1985.

In-between shows the two often spent a lot of time at Tommy's place (featuring that god awful sofa the previous home owner had left). I did originally plan to have them in the sofa shot together, but was finding it hard to figure out who would have been taking that kind of photo so figured it made more sense to make it shots they took of each other.

Also marks the beginnings of Tommy's weariness (& Len's over drinking...)

Outside the Glasgow Pavilion, 1988.

The morning of that fateful performance...

Ok not much else I wanna say about this other than the reference I used for the pose had Reece sorta awkwardly clasping his hands in front of him which I really liked but unfortunately in my art it just looked like he was trying to cover his crotch so I had to change it pfft...

Tommy standing at Len's grave, 2024.

The sixth anniversary of Len's death, and the sixth time Tommy has travelled across from France to lay flowers at his grave. Photo taken by Leanne from the inside of a taxi (I'd like to have had more references to her in these photos but was unsure of dates/ages where it would have fitted...)

She couldn't get her phone to not focus on the raindrops on the window as she tried to take a picture of Tommy at her father's grave but then realised that she actually liked the pathetic fallacy and had it made into a print anyway lol (look I'll be the first to admit that this is the least 'realistic' in terms of a photo that people would take, but I couldn't resist the symbolism of it lol...)

There were a lot more ideas for photos I wanted to do but for obvious reasons had to keep it to just 9 lol

Also will be posting these on my ao3 with snippets of stories to go with each photo so keep an eye out for when I share that link!

[fishsticksloser]

Digital Hearts

Shelldon x reader's ai

Warnings: fluff, robots, technically not their kids but also their kids, slight angst, request at the end

A/N: robot playdate. Robot Playdate. ROBOT PLAYDATE! I wish we got more Shelldon... What if... What if...

Donnie couldn't believe it when Shelldon talked about another ai like him. Who would even be able to do that? Kendra? The one who turned his dear son against him?

No.

Kendra wouldn't think about getting that close again.

Jace? Jeremy? No, they followed Kendra.

From the way Shelldon was talking, itsounded like Donnie had never met the person who created the ai. Donnie was so focused on who the mystery inventor was that he couldn't even be mad at Shelldon for going out alone.

"And she like flew around like so elegant like." Shelldon hums, his LED eyes turning to slits showing he was 'closing' them. Donnie's eyes snap over to Shelldon, realizing something. Shelldon liked this ai.

"Well... Why don't you show me where you met this other ai. Maybe we can see her again." Donnie suggested, feeling this was the best way to find our the mystery inventor.

"Oh, Dee, you're the best!" Shelldon laughs and immediately zooms off. Donnie follows to come to a park, pulling his hoodie up to not draw attention to himself.

He keeps an eye on his drone, seeing no other drones in sight. There were kids with their parents, couples on blankets having picnics, but no drones. Shelldon didn't seem detured in the slightest, continuing through the park.

"Shelldon..." Donnie began when a purple blur flies right by his face, followed by Shelldon. Donnie turned and watched Shelldon chase after this other drone, hearing them both laugh.

"Isn't she amazing?" Shelldon stops in front of Donnie, his green eyes shining bright. The other drone stops next to Shelldon, her own eyes lite up as well.

"I'm Wisteria." The other drone introduces herself, Donnie noticing some similarties between Wisteria and Shelldon's designs. "It's so nice to meet you!"

"Wisteria!" Donnie and Wisteria both turn at the sound of her name, seeing you running up. "Wisteria, you can't just run off like that, what if someone came after you?"

Donnie watches you scold your drone a little, amusement dancing in his eyes. "It never ends." Donnie tells you, motioning to Shelldon. "He runs off all the time."

"So you're Shelldon's person." You say, holding out your hand. Donnie shakes it, nodding. "I figured you'd be... Different..."

"How do you mean?" Donnie asks, cocking his head a little.

"Well... Shelldon is... Amazing, I mean his design, his personality..." You say, both drones fly off, chasing and playing together. "I figured you were some loser, not caring where he went."

"Oh, no. I've grounded him many times for his escapes." Donnie shakes his head, brow furrowing. "The personality he curated himself. That's kind of the point of ai, isn't it?"

"You've got a point." You shrug, turning to watch Shelldon and Wisteria. "What made you create him?"

"To clean the house." Donnie answers simply, making you turn and glare at him. "I'm being serious. That was his original purpose. Then my brother's reprogrammed him because he showed favoritism towards me..."

"Your brothers... Reprogrammed him? What do you live in a family of geniuses?" You look at Donnie in shock and intrigue.

"Sweet Galileo, thankfully not." Donnie laughs, shaking his head. Donnie crosses his arms, watching as both drones stop. "Perhaps they just listen to my ramblings more than I believed. Either way... I fixed him before he killed me and here we are." Donnie uncrossed his arms and called for Shelldon. "We should get back home. Before he dies, he's been too stubborn to charge."

"Wait, take my number. I think both of them would like to see each other again... We can... Schedule playdates." You tell Donnie, grabbing his arm before he leaves.

"Fair enough." Donnie nods, taking your phone and putting in his number. He types it in quickly, handing your phone back. "Text me, I guess."

⋆｡ ﾟ｡☁︎👾｡ ﾟ｡⋆

"Dee! Did you see Wisteria today? She said she got an upgrade." Shelldon chirps, sliding under Donnie's arm as he tries to work. "She's now a 15.2!"

"Yes, Shelldon." Donnie sighs, managing to get his arm away from Shelldon and continue working.

Shelldon continued to gush about Wisteria, getting in Donnie's nerves. Sure, it'd been at least 6 months since the drones met, but just recently Shelldon has been non-stop talking about Wisteria.

"I just... I don't know what to do about him. He's driving me crazy!" Donnie groans, flopping back onto Mikey's bed. Mikey laughed, pushing his glasses up. "It's always Wisteria this, Wisteria that..."

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe Shelldon's feelings for Wisteria have... Progressed?" Mikey asks, pushing his glasses up.

"Progressed?" Donnie turns to look at Mikey, his brows furrowed. "What do you mean 'progressed'?"

"What if Shelldon has developed more romantic feelings for Wisteria?" Mikey explains, crossing his legs. Mikey likes at his brother, seeing the confusion on Donnie's face. "Let's face it, Shelldon isn't a little drone anymore. He's so far beyond that. Who's to say that he doesn't have these feelings."

"He's a kid."

"Technically—"

"He's only version 16. He's too young."

⋆｡ ﾟ｡☁︎👾｡ ﾟ｡⋆

"Can we talk about Shelldon and Wisteria?" Donnie asked you one day when he went to pick up Shelldon. You smile letting him inside. "Has Wisteria said anything to you? Been acting different?"

"She's has been talking about Shelldon more." You muse, smiling a bit wider at Donnie. "It's cute."

"I don't think so..." Donnie shakes his head, frowning a little. "They're young and... They don't understand what they're feeling."

"They won't ever learn if we don't let them experience."

[operationslipperypuppet]

hi! i recently subscribed to the pateron, and im a little intimidated by all of the extra content available, lol. in your opinion, what are some of the funniest short rest / dungeon court / mixed bag episodes to start with? (if anyone else also has their fave eps to share please do)

oh wonderful! welcome to the best stupid show(s) money can buy.

i’m gonna operate under the assumption you’re caught up on main feed eps but if i suggest a short rest for an episode you haven’t listened to, definitely hit the episode first.

these are just off the top of my head with ones i can remember what they are, i may come up with more later lol

short rests:

i think short rests 99 and 100 should actually be required listening for everyone, they’re fucking earth shattering. start there.

the one for 70 is stupid and reveals how they almost lost the episode so that’s a good one.

c3e22 has one of the most insane short rests in retrospect. and c3e41 also has a bonkers short rest. they talk about santa manscaping in your bathroom. the episode came out in august. i wept.

c2e41’s campaign wrap up short rest also is a good time and gives good insights on the campaign.

the short rest for the can they kill it is the origin of crabster. 77 has a rose before noon. 91 ends with jake saying something so insane it ruins me.

the short rest for caldwells frooze your own adventure also slaps. the wilson brothers are there.

the brussels hookup is another 8bbc short rest that’s so dumb and beautiful.

c3e54 has them all hyped up on too much caffeine after a mixed bag and talking about jumping off decks onto frozen lakes and landing on one boob and one butt cheek. i wish i was kidding. it’s incredible.

dungeon courts:

i’m mostly gonna highlight patreon dungeon courts with the assumption you’ve listened to the corresponding main feed eps.

king robert can klump ft. ally beardsley. the flintstones costume fun around the house. you don’t know what that means but it’s. something.

a little place called mangia’s. murph breaks down. caldwell loses it. jake turns to google.

yuncle ft. jasper william cartwright. rats ride loose and your yuncle is power hungry.

the video dungeon courts are great, you can see murph lose it.

bird jail ft. zac oyama. actually anything with zac oyama. it’s great.

table rattlers ft. jeremy cobb. i don’t remember what happens exactly but it’s great.

the dm’s judge ft. lou wilson and zac oyama. absolutely iconic bench on this one.

mixed bags:

mixed bag tier my beloved!! so many are so good!

the whole blazing babe chronicles. not enough people know there was a second hot boy summer campaign that’s available on the mixed bag. caldwell spills half a corona on his character sheet. it’s a dry july and the boys are Not on the same page about it. love is love is love returns.

the biggest loreser is new but damn if it isn’t impeccable. warning: the fred flintstone noise is fucking LOUD

all the taste tests (energy drinks, m&ms, and gamer energy drinks). jake tries an expired products. jake later forgets to buy peanut m&ms while emily decides she can taste what color an m&m is. murph gets hyped on caffeine and has to take a break resulting in one of the most insane short rests to date. listen to the short rest first, it’s funnier that way.

if you can listen to live shows, (the sound is sometimes challenging) i recommend those. great starting point is the melbourne one from last year, i laughed so much the first time i heard it. “i was a lurking actor. that’s a union job!” also the boston dungeon court did hit the main feed but started as a mixed bag and i was there so i want to shout it out.

emily’s winter solstice one shot!! brennan and siobhan are there and it’s creepy and truly so fun.

both dungeons and dragons movies. jake and emily gaslight murph. they talk about a truly terrible set of films. there’s someone called grape lady that is a highlight.

both spilltaculars. at times a bit cringe, but it’s fun to hear other people’s failures sometimes because then you feel better about yourself. plus they make up a judgement scale that is different every time.

spellcheck! the game show that’s kinda sweeping the nation. or was. it’s fun.

that’s long (oops) and all i can think of off the top of my head. if people have other faves, share them for new patreon people!

also, my last bit of advice is to join the streams if you can. jake’s stream is for the short rest tier and above and caldwells is for the mixed bag tier and above. they’re wild. we had caldwell drawing everyone in crocs for like 6 months (it’s arguably why we’re getting the jibbitz). sometimes you get tucker lore. (tucker, the fictional man jake’s wife is cucking him with.) they’re grand.

[ron456]

AHHHHH- IM SO SICK OF THE BS I SWEAR-

FIRST OF ALL-

He doesn't "act naturally" or "normal" because HE'S AUTISTIC-

Will Roland portrays him as AUTISTIC so he's gonna act AUTISTIC-

ALSOOOO- IT'S BROADWAY, BABE- THEY NEED TO BE OVERDRAMATIC AND VERY EXPRESSIVE OTHERWISE THE PREFORMANCE DOESN'T CARRY THROUGH THE WHOLE THEATRE-

AND ANOTHER THING- Jeremy is supposed to be a "loser"-

he gets bullied and is misunderstood by his peers because he is, well, NOT CHILL-

HE'S "CHALANT" AS HELL-

He gets bullied because he cares about things too much, he's anxious, he's loud-

And in regards to the "can't hold a note for too long"- have you heard Loser, Geek, Whatever? Or More Than Survive? Or Two Player Game??? Song where he holds notes for quite a long time- ALSO- to say that Will Roland can't reach the same notes as Will Connolly is just... not true.

And one of the reasons I think some people think Will Roland is "a worse singer" is because, sometimes, stylistically, Will Roland will use a sort of falsetto/head voice (which I LOVE BTW AND IM SICK OF PEOPLE CALLING OTHER PEOPLE BAD SINGERS BECAUSE THEY USE HEAD VOICE- IT'S BEAUTIFUL, IMPRESSIVE, AND REQUIRES GOOD BREATH CONTROL TO MAKE IT NOT SOUND CRAPPY AND WILL ROLAND DOES IT AMAZINGLY) like when he says "hero" and "Rob Dinero" (idk if that's how you spell it 😭) in More Than Survive.

It's not that he's a bad singer, he is taking the brunt of his voice during those parts and also, given that it's this little solo/soliloquy moment for Jeremy, I think that Will Roland's choice to use a light head voice there is perfectly well-placed. It feels kinda personal, I guess. And I love it <3

Not to say that Will Connolly's way of singing it isn't also great. It's awesome! But like, guys, we can't keep getting pissed when a new actor in a show doesn't have the exact same singing voice as the original 😭 That's just silly, guys. 😭

(LIKE WHEN PEOPLE GOT PISSED AT ELIZABETH TEETER'S LYDIA FOR SOUNDING TOO MUSICAL THEATRE-Y?? LIKE. HUH?!? GUYS, IT'S BROADWAY- WHAT DO YOU MEANNN??? Sorry, I have feelings- Also, Shoutout to Elizabeth Teeter, btw, cuz' she slayed <3)

Anywaysss- back to Will Roland's voice- he is very much capable of hitting the notes that Will Conolly hits- if not higher (IT'S NOT A COMPETION THO, GUYS- PLS DONT COME FOR ME). For example, the acoustic version of Loser, Geek, Whatever on Spotify which, I believe, is a key higher than usual!! This man can belt some high notes when the situation calls for it! And also, (these are not really bmc related but whatever) during the harmony or whatever at the end of "Sincerely, Me", that is none other than WiLL RoLaND (!!!) hitting that high E (I'm pretty sure it's an E. I hope it's an E. But regardless, it's still a SUPER HIGH NOTE) at the end! And in "Amphibian" on Joe Iconis' album titled, well, "Album", Will Roland hits some insanely high notes!!! ( EVEN IF THEY ARE HEAD VOICE. I REPEAT, HEAD VOICE DOES NOT MEAN BAD SINGER!!)

Also, as a little additional statement to my "Jeremy is autistic/ autistic-coded so Will Roland played him as autistic"; this is not to say that Will Conolly didn't add some "autistic flare", if you will, to Jeremy. I mean, just yesterday I was freaking out with my friend about a gif of Will Conolly's Jeremy doing the autistic flappy hands :))). And I think that he was a good baseline for other Jeremy's to build off of!

Also, I feel like the people that are saying that Will Roland's portrayal of autism/neurodiversity is "ableist" or "incorrect" or "too dramatic" are sorta failing to understand/acknowledge that autism/neurodiversity is a spectrum. Not every person with autism or another kind of Neurodiversity is gonna act the same. And I think that's something really beautiful that we should all cherish. It is GREAT that we are all different but also, in many ways, the same!

And to see myself and my uncontrolled speaking voice and weird noises and such represented by Will Roland on stage is such a beautiful thing that I think 'ought to be cherished.

[writingonleaves]

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? (did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?) - jeremy swayman

pairing: jeremy swayman x original female character

warnings: swearing, pretty angsty. hopeful ish ending because i can't do sad endings, very personal but i think many can relate in their own way, cliche ish, barely proofread

inspired by + title: "the smallest man who ever lived" by taylor swift

word count: 5.6k

author's note: i'd argue almost every piece any author writes is personal, because it has their life interspersed through the words. but this one really is, because a majority of this is the exact same words i wrote years ago after a break-up. heard the bridge to this song and immediately knew i had to write something inspired by it. also trying a new format of sorts (maybe a bit meta??), so i hope you enjoy and lmk what you think!!

~*~*~

When Noelle Betsko walked away from Jeremy Swayman, holding back tears until the call dropped, she knew it was going to be a tough time for the foreseeable future. 

It didn’t matter that the pandemic had forced them apart. She knew she would still feel him for months to come.

She did the only thing she knows how to do when trying to deal with things. The one thing she always resorts to as an aspiring novelist. Sometimes on her laptop when the words were spilling out too quickly for her brain to catch up, tears littering the keyboard. Usually in her old beat-up journal, scribbling in the cursive that Jeremy claimed he always loved (“It makes your handwriting unique”) with the pens he had gifted her just a few months prior. 

At the age of 21, Noelle got her heart broken for the first time. At the age of 26, she’s about to publish her first poetry collection of sorts, all of the poems modeled after journal entries written throughout her life. So not really poetry, though her mother would say otherwise. 

She swallows as she thumbs through the middle part of the first known and binded copy of “miscellaneous.” There are only eight entries in the whole collection that are taken verbatim from her past writing. These are the eight.

May 13, 2020 (three days post-breakup, crying in my childhood bedroom)

I don’t even recognize who I was and who you were in those writings before these pages filled with love and hope and happiness. I can’t even summon up those feelings anymore that I knew existed at one point. Those feelings of complete bliss and love for someone so deep you can’t explain it. 

I’m mad at myself for not being able to conjure those feelings, because at one point, I did love you. How could something that was part of my daily life for over two years just disappear so quickly? 

But now, I’m not mad at myself. I’m mad, but I don’t know where to direct that anger to. I feel a bit empty sometimes, but then frustrated the next. Sometimes I get sad, but not so much compared to the other feelings. I spent enough time being sad during our relationship.

When we broke up, on an annoyingly beautiful Tuesday in May — over the damn phone, mind you, which whatever, it’s COVID. Fine — You told me you felt like you had been putting more effort into us. 

At the time, I didn’t react, but I’ve been thinking about how angry that statement made me. Makes me, actually. I was always very open with how much I gave to that relationship. How much it meant to me. How much it affected me. But I understand that with some people, sharing everything too much equates to things not meaning anything anymore. But you out of all people should’ve known that I mean everything I say.

I felt like I gave so much. I know I gave so much. When I told you I loved you, I always meant it. Every single time. When I told you I missed you, I always meant it. I wished you were right next to me at that moment. I mentally gave so much, because to me, I wanted to. You were always on my mind, always high up on my list of priorities. I never took us for granted.

I’ve been questioning if that was the same for you. Did you start becoming complacent?

The second thing you said that day that hasn’t left my head is that you knew me pretty well. And initially, I remember not thinking much of it. So I don’t doubt that; you always knew right when I was about to cry, even over the phone. You often knew when I was mad or upset, but when I look back now, you never pushed. Which is a good thing, to an extent. But it was a bad thing sometimes too. I knew you often wanted to give me space, but sometimes I didn’t want space. I wanted you to push. To try to understand. Maybe that’s unfair of me; it probably is. I should just say I want to talk about it more, right? 

But if you genuinely knew me, you would’ve known.

After two years, seven months and 12 days,  I still feel like I didn’t know you. Did I ever know you at all?

When people talked shit about you, I always defended you. And I still would defend you now. But lately, I've questioned what I’m even defending. All those good qualities that I thought you had, were they even real? Of course, I know some of them were, to a certain extent. But as I look back on us, there’s a lot of doubt about whether I even knew the person I called my boyfriend for so long. I know there was a point where you cared about me, but I can’t remember when. 

I often felt like I was letting you know so much about my life, but you didn’t do the same. I get that sometimes a person just wants to forget about the bad and focus on the good with a person you like for awhile. I get that. But once that was happening every damn time? That should’ve been a red flag. 

June 7, 2020 (twenty eight days post break-up, outside my childhood room on the deck) 

I don’t understand how you can give so much to something or someone and have it not be recognized or appreciated or enough. If I wasn’t enough for you, how will I be enough for anyone?

I hope one day you’ll truly understand how much this hurt. Not just the breakup, but feeling like I was always being pulled in a direction I didn’t always want to be pulled in. Feeling I was stuck between a rock and a hard place and never ever being able to win. I hate that I settled so much in the last year. Because I should’ve demanded more, even though deep down I knew you were never going to be able to give it to me.

I think back to our past daily texts, and I just don’t get it. At one point, we both meant the things we said to each other. 

Yet we still hurt each other. 

This fucking hurts.

You’ve hurt me so much, but most of it wasn’t intentional, which I think is somewhat even worse. Because I’m not totally mad at you for causing the pain. You never did anything outright to cause me pain, but I still feel like you did. 

Unintentional pain almost stings more than intentional. 

When I asked you out that night after we were both on an emotional high, I took a chance. For once in my life, I took the leap, knowing that I could get humiliated or hurt or just straight up shot down. 

Where did it all go wrong? Or, more realistically, how did we think that we could go through the wrong when it was there at the start?

I’m trying not to blame myself too much. Trying not to tell myself that I should’ve known better. 

All those times, especially at the start, when I would ask you if you genuinely liked me, you always thought I was just trying to be annoying. But you never understood that I genuinely thought that way. My self confidence from the start was lacking, and you didn’t try to understand that, because I come across to everyone as confident and self-assured. 

It hurt, when you would brush things off like that. I felt like you didn’t care.

And then, it got to the point where I stopped asking that question. Part of that is because I did become more confident and you did show that you cared, and part of that was because I knew it would piss you off.

The amount of things I was scared to talk about with you because I knew it would piss you off? I don’t wish that feeling on anybody.

I shouldn’t have been scared. I shouldn’t have been uncomfortable. But I was. And if you did notice like sometimes you claimed to, why didn’t you make it more comfortable for me? Was that too much to ask for? 

So larger than life that at the end, you faded into just the smallest man who ever lived. Fuck you.

Was it too much to ask for when I just wanted to know why you were upset? You didn’t have to ever tell me the full story (lord knows there were times I didn’t), but was it too much to ask for something? You told me once that I’m the person you’ve told the most to. How? You barely told me anything. And when I wanted to talk to you, whether it was about growing up in Alaska or why you were in a bad mood last night, you always brushed it off. Always. 

So I don’t feel so bad about feeling like I gave more effort. I gave so much of myself to you. If you really cared about me like you claimed you did, why couldn’t you show even just 1% of that care back? Or just meet me in the middle?

I could’ve tried harder to meet you in the middle, I’ll admit that. But you didn’t even give me a map or a clue how to. 

I felt so fucking left in the dark. I felt left in the dark about my own fucking relationship, something that I should be completely sure about. If you really love someone and care about them, how can you leave them in the dark? How could you not even see that I was struggling to find a flashlight?

You did care about me. I know that. To some extent and at some point in time, you did care about me. But caring about someone and their well-being isn’t always enough.

Why couldn’t you have worked with me? When I was extending my hand out, why didn’t you reach for it? How can someone just be so blind? I mean, I’m practically always spelling it out for you. 

Maybe I am being selfish. But fuck, I just wanted to be happy. At some point, you made me happy. When did I start making you feel like I wasn’t enough? Why wasn’t I enough for you?

It’s useless, in a way, to keep going about this. Because I know I deserve better. And we’ll both find people who are better for us. We just couldn’t be that person to each other.

I fucking loved you.

I wish it ended differently.

July 8, 2020 (fifty nine days post-breakup, in front of the lake)

I really really fucking miss you. 

I do. 

I miss being able to text you that i love you and not necessarily expecting a response until the next morning. I miss knowing that as soon as you wake up, you’ll text me back and assure me that yeah, you love me too. 

I’m left feeling bittersweet as I look back on memories that are just splashes and not definite strokes on the canvas that used to be us.

I miss having you as a friend. 

I’ve been having more urges lately to want to text you. And it isn’t even anything important. Just moments I experience throughout the day.

Do you get the urge to do the same?

July 19, 2020 (seventy days post-breakup, still in the same damn house)

It’s hard. It really is. And it kinda just hits you at random parts of the day. Sometimes I wake up from a dream that you were in and have to remind myself that it didn’t happen. 

Sometimes it physically aches when I realize that you won’t ever help me put on my jacket again, or complain that my hair is in your face when we’re lying on the couch watching Brooklyn Nine Nine, or groan when I drag you up to dance with me (which you never improved on, no matter how many times I tried to teach you basic rhythm). I can’t view our song the same way anymore, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. 

The other day, I read some simple thing on Twitter. I don’t even remember what it was, but I do remember that for a split second, I could see your smile in my mind. But it wasn’t just any smile. It was the smile you gave me when you took me ice skating that first time. I remember asking you what you were smiling at, and you said that you just were taking in this moment. I don’t know if you took a mental picture that day, but I know I did. That day seems so long ago now. 

In almost anything I do, you somehow pop into my mind or into the conversation. And it’s not even in a harmful way either. It’s because you were part of my life for so long. I see a dog on the street, and it reminds me of how you always stopped to pet every single one we’s see I write something in my messy handwriting, and I remember how you always used to complain that you couldn’t read the notes I’d occasionally leave around your place when you went away. I went to the doctor’s the other day, and they said I was 5 feet and 3 inches, which is just definitely not true, and I almost reached for my phone to text you, because you would’ve cackled and insisted that no, I’m 5 feet 2 inches and it wouldn’t even matter because I’ll always be shorter than you. It’s simple and minute things that make me miss you that much more.

I still can’t listen to some songs the same way anymore, but I can at least listen to them now, which is a feat in itself. I was unpacking from college and found the teddy bear you sent me the first extended time we had to be apart and had to immediately put that out of my sight. From those boxes also came photos that I had decorated my dorm room with, and to be honest, I’m glad now that I let you keep our best one. I deal with all my emotions, besides writing, by making Spotify playlists, and I made a new one earlier this week. I think it’s helping. It’s a slow process, this whole moving on thing, but it’s one that I’m trying to be grateful for, because like most things in life, you just don’t truly know until you go through it.

Sometimes, I find myself wondering how you are and how you’re healing. But, even though we’ve both changed since the day we met, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you’re incredibly strong and stubborn. I hope that you’re finding some growth in this process too. 

October 17, 2020 (one hundred fifty seven days post-break up, apartment in orono)

It’s been almost 5 months, and you still cross my mind everyday. 

Why wasn’t I enough for you? Why didn’t you fucking tell me what you were thinking? Why was I the one who had to approach you just because I was just so done with the silent treatment?

But I’m not mad at you. Not anymore. The mad phase passed ages ago. 

Closure is a fake word. Even a breakup as mutual and smooth as ours was still left me with so many questions that will probably never be answered. 

Any breakup fucks you up to some extent. I knew it was going to mess me up even back when we were together. But not like this. Never like this. 

But like anything in life, I guess you can never really prepare for what you think you might feel, because most of the time, you discover a whole new side of you that you never thought existed. 

I don’t miss you. I don’t. I don’t feel that love in any way anymore. 

But I did once.

You did too, right?

November 15, 2020 (one hundred eighty six days post break-up, fogler library)

I hate Halloween. 

Though, it did bring me to you three years ago. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you right then and there. 

Three years later, you texted me on Halloween, five months after our breakup. The universe really, really wanted to fuck with me. 

It was a tough night for you. I knew that. Because I know how you are after losing a game you should’ve won. But that didn’t mean that I owed you anything and had to respond. 

We agreed on no contact if we ever wanted to stay friends. Clearly, friends is out of the picture now, but come on. A vulnerable text after a bad night because you know I would feel bad for you?

Fuck, you know how much I would hate that. You had to have known. 

Just because we’re not dating anymore doesn’t mean that everything about you just disappears. I still know your tendencies. I still know exactly how my head burrows into your chest during a hug. I still know the actions I used to do that would be followed by you attacking me with a hug. I still could point you out in a crowd. 

I looked for you in every crowd for years. 

That stuff doesn’t just go away, no matter how much I want it to. But fuck. Fuck. Why did you text me? 

I don’t regret how I handled it. I probably would’ve responded months ago. But just like you, I’ve grown these last couple of months. 

It was comforting, for a split second, to know that maybe, just maybe, these past couple of months have been hard for you too. It makes me feel human. It makes me feel like I’m not crazy.

I’m glad you texted me. You gave me another level of closure I hadn’t known that I needed until then. 

But fuck, dude. You know me better than that. You should know me better than that. 

I hate Halloween.

November 26, 2020 (one hundred ninety seven days, at the coffee shop i brought you to when you came home with me two years ago)

I don’t regret loving you, but I hate you for what you did to me. 

Or maybe not. 

I hate knowing that even though we haven’t been in a relationship in a bit, it feels like sometimes, you’re on my mind the exact same amount when we were dating. I hate knowing that I gave so much of myself and my love to you, and it always felt unrecognized. 

Fuck, will it ever stop hurting? Will I ever be able to have to stop myself from thinking about you? Will it ever stop?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

Happy birthday. I hope you enjoy it.

June 12, 2021 (three hundred ninety five days post-break up, in boston, visiting a friend)

Tonight, when a friend asked me about you and how I felt about how we ended, I was able to articulate my thoughts clearly. I’m really proud of myself for getting to a point where I can take the lessons I learned the few months after we broke up and acknowledge them in a succinct way without breaking down into tears. Just watery eyes and the occasional voice crack 

I’m also proud that I can say that when we were dating, I lost a bit of myself. For months, it was really hard to admit out loud.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Sometimes, I wish I could call or text you about it, because I think you’d be proud too. And I know I’d be proud of you. I am, to be honest. I do break resolve once in awhile and check on you through various avenues.

I still haven’t seen you in person since the last time COVID made us say goodbye. Maybe I never will again. But day by day, I’m starting to accept that and be okay with it. I’m accepting that memories that used to be so painted in my mind are blurry or almost completely erased now. But that’s okay. Honestly, it’s probably for the best. 

I wonder, when you think about it, if you think about different moments that I do. That’s the thing when something ends. You have to be okay with letting go of those moments and realizing that just because you forget them, doesn’t mean they weren’t important. 

I don’t think I miss you. I hesitate in saying that. Because I’ve moved on and handled the aftermath of it better than I think both of us ever thought I could. When you hung up the phone for the last time, I proved to myself again that I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. I think we all are. But we don’t realize it until we’re thrown into a situation that we think we’ll never be able to overcome. 

But we do. Whether it’s because we’re forced to because there’s no other option, it doesn’t matter. Because we get through. We move on. 

I hope you're moving on. 

And then it goes into other topics, graduating during a pandemic specifically and losing what’s supposed to be your last year of no responsibilities before adulthood. There are other poems in here that reference a past relationship, but not as much as these eight. 

If there’s one thing that Noelle did change, it was taking out the details. Jeremy may have hurt her, but he doesn’t deserve someone possibly making a connection between these poems and their shared background. She’s not a famous author by any means, but she wanted to be careful.

Not that she makes that part of her life publicly known. People don’t need to know that her brother was Jeremy’s captain for two years at Maine and that’s how they met. 

Noelle grew up going to rinks. She hasn’t gone to one since they broke up. 

But also, what the fuck? It’s been five years since she’s dated the guy. She really is over it by now, even if his rise to stardom in the Bruins flittering on her social media feeds still sometimes has her swallowing a bit before she can continue with her day. 

Brooklyn is far enough from Boston. But sometimes it feels like it’s right outside her door. 

She’s proud of her first published work. She really is. People believed in her and after numerous notes swapped back and forth with her editor, she did it. She always knew she wanted to work in publishing. She never knew she herself would publish anything.

And here she is now, two weeks after the book release, in Boston, about to do a q&a and a signing. Apparently, “miscellaneous” has been on top of numerous lists and it’s flying off the shelves. Noelle can’t really believe it and tries not to think about it too much, trusting her agent with all of that. 

She’s happy to talk about her work and process though. That she can handle. And she’s grateful for all the love.

After a signing at a local bookstore, she decides to walk the 20 minutes home in the Boston fall. It’s a bit brisk, but she doesn’t mind and she just wanders, belly filled with delicious sushi she inhaled for dinner with an old friend.

Of course it happens the one time during her walk when she doesn’t avoid eye contact with someone. The song playing in her earbuds fade out of her focus and she almost stumbles. 

Jeremy’s eyes were always Noelle’s favorite thing about him. She thought she would’ve forgotten what they looked like by now. But clearly she hasn’t. 

Her eyes quickly cast to the person next to him. It’s definitely a girl. They’re a bit too far away for Noelle to pick out details. But it’s enough. He’s walking on the side closest to the street. It’s a Friday Night in a bustling part of the city. 

It hurts. She wishes it didn’t.

Even from far away, she sees his eyes blink in recognition. Noelle puts her head back down and walks faster. 

(She cries in the shower when she gets back to the hotel. She had debated feeling super sorry for herself and going to the hotel bar but refrained)

She has a few free days in Boston before flying back to New York. When she wakes up the next morning, she debates on going home early. But no, she won’t let a three second glance at someone ruin her time here. She used to occasionally come here during her college days. She loves this city. 

The city may be Jeremy’s, but she can make space for herself here too. 

She takes her time at a cafe, people watching and eating some breakfast. As she takes her coffee to-go, she looks out the window at the bookstore she was in the night before for the signing. She almost drops her coffee. 

Jeremy walks into the book store. 

Now, Noelle is debating her options. What she should do is continue with her day and walk in the opposite direction. But she’s always been too nosy for her own good. And maybe a bit self destructive. She decides to leave the cafe and cross the street immediately, so impatient to where she’s almost tapping her foot as the pedestrian signal stays red. 

As a writer, she’s no stranger to movie moments. The scenes written in books or movies where the timing is too accurate to be real. The situation too good to be true. But after a car speeds through an orange and she can finally walk, she stops in her tracks instead, feet glued down to the sidewalk.

Because Jeremy is right in front of her on the other side of the street. Her book in his hand. And he’s looking right at her. 

The first feeling she can recognize in herself is anger. Anger at the way their relationship panned out. Anger at the way they ended. Anger at the radio silence the years following. Anger at him for everything. Angry at herself for everything. 

The second feeling is, weirdly, shame, which she’s embarrassed by. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. But she feels it anyways. 

The third, and perhaps the most prominent, is emptiness. Five fucking years later, and she’s brought back to the emptiness she felt immediately after they broke up. The emptiness that the person you loved isn’t yours anymore — who maybe wasn’t ever yours to begin with. 

Before she can run, he’s already crossed the street to her. He looks naturally different as someone who you haven’t seen in five years would. But he also heartbreakingly looks the same. 

“We should get out of people’s way,” Noelle manages to chokes out. 

Jeremy laughs a bit. Her heart lurches. “Yeah.” He starts walking and she follows him wordlessly. This is his city after all. 

He leads them to a bench under a tree with beautiful fall foliage. She puts at least a foot between them as they both sit down, staring out at the people passing. She can’t take the silence. 

“I see you bought my book.”

“I did,” he replies evenly. “Congratulations. I always knew you would do it.”

She squeezes her eyes shut. Maybe if she squeezes hard enough she’ll forget when she originally pitched Jeremy the bare bones idea of the exact same book that’s currently in his hand. “Thank you. Congratulations to you too. On everything.”

“You’ve been watching?”

She shakes her head. “No. But, you know Seth and…yeah. It comes up during family calls sometimes.”

“Why didn’t you say hi last night?”

She looks pointedly at a couple walking their dog. “You seemed busy.”

“She wasn’t-that-it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Oh. Because that makes me feel so much better,” she spits out, before taking a deep breath. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. We broke up ages ago.”

“I’m sorry,” she gives him a look and is slightly proud of how he seems to shrink into himself a bit. “I-I know it’s five years too late. I know I didn’t handle it as well as I should’ve. But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

The thing is, Noelle always thought that maybe hearing an apology someday would make her feel better. But now that’s heard it, she’s not sure she does. 

She swallows. “I appreciate that.”

“I’ve already read it, you know.”

“Read what?”

Jeremy runs a hand through his hair. “Your book. One of my teammate’s girlfriend recommended it and I asked to borrow it. It’s fantastic,” He looks down at the book in his hand. It’s like the cover is taunting her. “I wanted my own copy.”

“Oh.” 

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For letting me off the hook with the poems I know were about me,” he scoffs, shaking his head at himself. “You could’ve written way worse.”

She can’t help but let out a chuckle. “I thought I was pretty mean.”

“Your definition of ‘pretty mean’ is tame compared to a lot of people,” he says, mindlessly flipping through the pages of the book. “You were always the kindest person, even when you shouldn’t have been..” 

He puts his hand out in her direction, the hand with the book in it. She furrows her eyebrows. “What-”

“Could I get a signed copy?”

“Jeremy. What do you want from me?”

He sighs, taking his hand back. “A chance to apologize?”

“You’ve already done that.”

“Not in the way I want to and what you deserve.”

She lets out a sigh, turning to face him fully. “I don’t know if that would be worth my time or yours. I know the book just came out, but that was five years ago. I’m over it. Forgive and forget, right?”

“But do you?” Jeremy counters back. “Clearly, you don’t forget, which I deserve. But forgive?” 

“We’re just going in circles now.”

“No we’re not,” he says firmly. “You’re just shutting me down because you don’t want to talk about it. I’ve had five years to prepare what I would say to you if I saw you again. You’re telling me you haven’t?”

“Of course I have,” Noelle tips her head back. “But also, what’s the point?”

“The point, is that I still love you.”

“Fuck you,” she says in a strained voice. “You can’t just-you can’t just throw that shit out there. Fuck you.”

He bites his lip, and to her annoyance, he laughs. But she listens more carefully, and it sounds very self deprecating. “I deserved that.”

“Yeah,” Noelle looks down at her feet. “So…what? You still love me?”

“I do.”

“And what are you going to do about that?”

“What are you going to let me do?”

“I live in Brooklyn.”

“I know,” she whips her head up. Jeremy looks sheepish, which she didn’t even think was something he knew how to do. “Seth mentioned it when we caught up a bit ago. I also still follow you on Instagram.”

She tries again. “It’s been five years.”

“And I’m here sitting with you and still feel the exact same way I did back then. Even more, to be honest.” He eyes her pointedly. “Any more excuses?”

Her voice softens. “You really hurt me.”

“I know. And I’m so sorry, Noelle.”

“I hurt you too.”

He shrugs. “We were young and stupid.”

“And we’re still not?” Noelle says with a snort before swallowing. “I’m not the same person you fell in love with.”

“I’m sure I’m not either. But I don’t know if there’s a world where I don’t love every version of you.”

“Even after reading the book?”

“Especially after reading the book,” he sighs. “Noelle, I know this is unfair of me. All of this. And I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to reach out. But I always intended to. And then you’re here? And I see you twice in two days? I’d be an idiot to not try. More of an idiot than I am, anyways.”

“Try for what?”

“A second chance? To be friends? Whatever you want.” He suddenly deflates. “Even if you don’t want anything to do with me. At least I’ll know.”

“Why did you never text me?”

“I thought about it a lot,” he admits. “I tried once, actually, after the high of a really good win. But it didn’t go through. I got the message.”

“The message?”

“You blocked me, right?”

Oh. “Yeah,” she lies. “I did.” She reaches into her bag for a pen and gestures for the book, which he gives to her, a curious gleam in his eyes. “I’m in Boston for two more days, including today.”

He takes the hint immediately. Eagerly. “I have a game tonight, but I’m free tomorrow.”

“Who are you guys playing?”

“Toronto. And I’m starting. Should be a good one.”

She hums non-committedly, scribbling on the inside of the front cover. She hands it back to him with a small, close-lipped smile. She nods at him to read the message.

to my first fan, 

i still love you too. 

xxx-xxx-xxxx

yours, 

noelle

He looks up, eyes shining but a bit confused. 

“I never blocked you. I just changed my number.”

“Oh.”

“And even if I still love you, I’m still mad at you.”

“I know. I’d be more surprised if you weren’t.”

She stands up, adjusting the bag on her shoulder and putting her sunglasses on. “Text me?”

His mouth splits wide into a grin. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

She backs away with one last attempt at a smile before turning down the street.

[crazylittlejester]

Tbh I think you’re cooking with the voice headcanons. I’ve never heard Warriors or Legend’s voice described like that but like…yes, you’re correct

(also how would you describe the rest of the chain members’ voices? Now I’m kinda curious…)

THANK YOU, BECAUSE I FELT CRAZY TYPING THAT POST OUT. Here’s how the rest of the chain sounds in my head (im insane):

Time: Matthew Mercer specifically as Resident Evil 6 Leon Kennedy, but if his accent shifted somewhere between Welsh and the southern American accent, and usually ended up sounding like that transatlantic accent. The more time he spends away from the ranch and Malon the less the occasional really American sounding word slips in

Warriors: Joe Keery if he was British and had the same inflections and overall whiny dramatic way of speaking that Astarion from bg3 does. Like the same tone and pitch as Joe Keery (specifically as Steve from Stranger Things), but with Astarion’s sass, one liners, and overall cuntiness. (His real accent is NOT British to me, but he copies the ‘Castle Town Accent’ so usually, that is what he sounds like)

Twilight: Jeremy Jordan, but with a thick southern American accent. I mean near incomprehensible when he starts talking fast

Sky: Jordan Fisher, make him British, but make that British very weird in a way that makes it sound more like his native language is something far more ancient that came BEFORE British English

Hyrule: Ryan Potter, specifically as Hiro from Big Hero 6, but with a vaguely French sounding accent, almost as if that’s his native language but he hasn’t spoken it in a VERY long time and he can sound British for the most part but occasionally he says One Word and everyone stares at him like “???”

Legend: Chris Colfer from Glee but if he had the same raspiness to his voice that Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist does, and also if he were British (it’s a fake accent that Legend puts on, his real accent is a thick Irish one, but most of the time he speaks in a British accent)

Wild: Wild is weird because I have yet to come across a single person in any media I’ve consumed whose voice I’ve heard that’s made me go “That’s Wild.” So, to be even more insane, I’ll just describe what he sounds like. His voice isn’t necessarily very high, but it’s dropped as low as it’s going to and it’s very androgynous sounding. That being said, it’s hard to make out the actual tone and pitch of his voice some times because it sounds incredibly raspy and he can absolutely lose his voice if he talks for too long or screams too loud. If he takes proper care of it which he doesn’t always do it CAN sound more full and not as crackly, but there’s now always this element to it where it SOUNDS damaged. That doesn’t stop him from yapping, or singing, or screaming. It just makes Twilight roll his eyes at him while he makes him tea

Four: Zeno Robinson specifically as Hunter from The Owl House, but if Hunter was fighting to keep back a thick Boston accent every single day of his life. You piss Four off and that accent comes off as he starts angrily rambling at the others for improper sword care and they just sit there and stare at him blankly because they can barely understand a word he’s saying, he’s talking so fast. He sounds vaguely midwestern American when he’s trying to hide his accent

Wind: I’m not even close to original for this one and every time I see people talk about voice headcanons for the chain everyone says this for Wind, but Walker Scobell, though for me, SPECIFICALLY Kraft Mac and Cheese era Walker Scobell. And Wind’s accent is ALL over the place, he tends to pick up whatever the people around him sound like. Growing up his native language was the hyrule equivalent to Spanish, and then he was surrounded by a ton of Scottish people for a VERY long time so his ‘English’ (whatever language they speak in hyrule) became very Scottish sounding, but the more time he spends with the chain, the more he slowly starts to sound like a blend of all of them. So sometimes he’ll be talking and one word of his sentence will sound EXACTLY like the very unique way in which Time says something, or one word will sound like Sky. And his Scottish sounding (because it’s never been entirely Scottish) accent is slowly losing its strength as it starts to LITERALLY just become a blend of what the chain in general sounds like

And to an extent, the overall group accent does change a bit as they spend time together. Their individual accents, even if a lot of them are British, are all different because of the eras they’re from, but as they spend so much time together the accents start to blend a little and they sound more like each other. Of course if they were consciously thinking about how they sound while they speak they’d be able to talk exactly how they did before, and when they go back to their own eras the only one who’s going to sound noticeably different is probably Wind because his neurodivergent brain just copies whatever is around him and he’ll need time to adjust, but yeah

Those are my voice headcanons!! This is what they sound like in my brain when I’m writing/reading. I’m weird and this is insane, I’m aware aldkmdkd

[thesirencult]

ICY DIARIES 💍💎

Episode 1 :

THE GIRL THAT NEVER GETS PICKED

Apart from being an evolvement coach by utilising astrology and tarot, I'm also an avid #hypergamy/levelup reader.

I always had strong opinions about how to advance in life and how to make the most of your existence.

I decided to start this series where I will be serving 🍽️ some good ol' soul food and knocking some sense into YOU.

Yup you, the one who always waits for that text back, who doesn't go after her dreams, who has HUGE potential but won't take that mothereffing leap of faith towards your higher self.

I'm tired of getting messages from ladies who beg for a tarot reading or a synastry reading over their scum bag ex who another tarot reader claimed it's their TwIn FlAmE.

ON OUR 1ST EPISODE WE START WITH THIS 💎

[I specifically picked the video above just so you can see the original scum bag's reaction and to be frank ladies ... This is how most men think. NOT ALL MEN. (I love men ❤️)]

"I'm not a pick me girl, I just have never been picked!"

I see you, I feel you my fellow certified lover girls.

I used to be one of you a few years ago. No one asked me on dates, no one flirted with me, no one approaches me on parties. THANKFULLY.

WHY THE HELL DID YOU WANT TO BE APPROACHED BY 17 YEAR OLD JEREMY WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO COOK AN EGG 🍳 ?

Don't let these boys lie to you. They would get it on with a blow dryer if they could. You see them approaching women who are not that "attractive" just to get laid. So, if you don't get approached and you are under 30 take it as a compliment.

Why ?

Because you belong to the TOP OF THE SHELF CATEGORY and boys can't reach that high. That's only for grown MEN.

All jokes aside, your self esteem has definitely taken a hit by not being approached. It can feel very lonely and ostracizing.

What I want you to do is to flip that feeling. What boys like the ones in the video mean when they say "Don't go out with your attractive friends because you won't get approached." is : Don't go out with your friends who are made specifically for the club, who put out and are ready to spend the night with any guy who would approach them (thus looking more approachable).

Maybe you're not a "club type" beauty. Maybe you are a "slow Sunday morning, having coffee at the balcony" pretty or a "spiritual sensual bombshell" type of beauty or an "earth shattering, ocean deep, scorching hot fire, wuthering" beautiful.

My point is, you are winning at the end. Our sensuality is sacred. We are portals to a different part of the universe that allows us to bring life into the world. Don't let anyone shame you, not even your own self.

Sometimes not being approached is a blessing in disguise.

[amostimprobabledream]

Thoughts on Beetlejuice Beetlejuice *SPOILERS*

The Good:

The reveal that Astrid could see ghosts this whole time and that Jeremy was actually a ghost was genuinely really good - I didn't see it coming but in hindsight it was so obvious. The whole bit about him trying to trick Astrid into giving her life for his was so fun.

Michael Keaton was a treat to watch as usual - all the actors seemed to be having the times of their lives, especially him, Willem Dafoe and Monica Bellucci. I was actually laughing out loud at some of the scenes he was in and I appreciate that they used him sparingly. I also thought the gag of Willem Dafoe's character being a former actor who liked pretending to be a cop and his secretary kept fetching him coffees and feeding him his lines was genuinely funny.

I was on the fence about Astrid because from what I got from the promotional material she seemed pretty bratty and whiny, but I think her frustrations with Lydia and her life in general were generally fairly understandable and I think she and Winona Ryder had great chemistry. Also I want Astrid's wardrobe, that sweater-dress with the bike shorts and boots? An absolute serve.

It's cool that Tim Burton and Michael Keaton both insisted on building sets instead of relying on CGI to do everything, I think that one of the charming things about the first movie was the handmade feel of the sets and they managed to capture a lot of it in this one. I mean, they do use SOME CGI, especially where Beetlejuice is involved, but I think it's good they didn't just rely on greenscreens.

Banger soundtrack, as usual, thanks to Danny Elfman.

Killing off Charles and Delia was surprising but I thought it was handled in a good way. I thought the actor who played Charles had died or something and when I googled why he wasn't in the sequel I think they did the best they could with the character. Catherine O'Hara sort of held together the Lydia/Astrid subplot for me, especially when she says to Lydia, "What happened to the angsty goth girl who gave me so much trouble? I think you need to find her!" The Bad: - This movie really made me appreciate the Maitlands more. The whole thing with the first movie is that Adam and Barbara ground it and give it a sense of normalcy - they have random, sudden, unfair deaths and as the audience we're thrown into the confusing world and rules of the afterlife as much as they are. In this movie I feel like everyone is too busy trying to be different flavours of wacky to feel real, which is fine for people like Beetlejuice or Delores but the human characters didn't feel like that had substance like the Maitlands.

Am I the only one who felt like this film felt kind of like a character assassination of Lydia?? I love Winona Ryder to death (pun unintended), but I feel like all she did in this movie is make that pop-eyed shocked face and say exposition. I'm sorry but am I meant to believe that Lydia Deetz, the only person in the first movie who could communicate with Adam and Barbara, called Otho, Lydia and her dad out on their shit multiple times and had the balls to make a deal with Beetlejuice to save the former, would seriously let some creepy man pressgang her into marriage? Not to mention I can't remember a single line of dialogue from Lydia, she's kind of been demoted to just being a depressed goth mom and that's kind of it. Also I felt like the way she was using her power for a TV show felt OOC when she was the only one who opposed the haunted house idea in the original. (Also Winona Ryder's hair looked terrible in the movie, it made sense for teenaged Lydia to have those gel spikes but on a Lydia who's hit fifty they look ridiculous. Like what, did her fashion sense never evolve past age fifteen?)

There were WAY too many subplots. I genuinely really liked the subplot with Astrid and Jeremy, and I think Beetlejuice and his ex-wife had a lot of potential, but the end of the movie was like Tim Burton forgot to keep track of every subplot he had going on and wrapped them up really unsatisfyingly.

Monica Bellucci's character was WAY underused. Like. I absolutely loved her design and stuff but she was walking around the whole movie attacking random people we don't give a shit about, and then in the climax she just stands there and lets herself get eaten. (That staple-face look would make a fire Halloween costume though.) I feel like the subplot with Lydia's creepy boyfriend/producer should have been cut so she had more time to shine.

The dialogue. Some of it was fine but other times phrases showed up that are so obviously going to become dated in a couple of years, it sounded like adults trying way too hard to be edgy and relatable to Gen Z viewers, like when Astrid goes "the afterlife is so random!" or that one woman describing something as "non-triggering". I don't remember the dialogue in the first movie feeling so buzzword-heavy.

Beetlejuice felt less like a threat this time. In the first movie he's more of a clear-cut antagonist but this time he's very clearly on Lydia's side and even dispatches all the other bad guys, so I think some of his more sinister energy was lost here.

The ending was really dumb ngl. It feels like it's setting up for a third one but Tim Burton was like "lol not gonna happen" so I have no idea why he chose to ending it like that.

[codename-adler]

YOUR TROJAN TEAM?!?!?! flabbergasted. sooooo many lil guys u got there!!!

mayhaps some info on #21, Levi Romanov? love the name, very intriguing <3 or any of your choice, really, whichever you feel like sharing the most!!

oh boy. oh god. Levi's such a big file. u really know how to pick 'em Roo 😂 prepare to be sick of me...... (also ty sm for being chatty n enabling <3) //official unofficial USC Trojans OCs list here//

21: Levi Romanov (22) USC Trojans Backliner

[ face subject to change]

aight let's bullet point this:

born in USA (Alaska); child of immigrants (Belarusian father (born Alaska, parents 1st gen immigrant), Dutch mother (1st gen immigrant))

5'6½" (the half inch is important)(to Levi)(not the Trojans tho)(esp. not Jeremy)

BA: Communication (USC Annenberg)

goes Pro after college

bffs: Nikita & Angie

brother-from-another-mother w/ Nikita Bailey (their mothers are bff, grew up together in Alaska); Nikita is his bff/older brother figure/idol so he joins him in playing Exy (v popular in Alaska) and follows him to USC when he graduates HS

now for the love & tragedy chaos...................

both he and Nikita have a steady relationship with their longtime girlfriends, so much so that Levi talks to Nikita about proposing to his gf after graduation

one day though the 4 of them get into a car/boating accident that kills Levi's girlfriend and seriously injures Nikita's; Levi and Nikita are somehow miraculously the least damaged

it's a rough fucking patch for Levi (and Nikita, but that's a story for another day!)

enter Angie Pullman, Trojans recruit (ask!!! me!!!)

both men are immediately drawn to her, and inevitably it ends up in a big fight that creates a (temporary) rift between Levi and Nikita

luckily it ends up being an Adam/Gansey/Blue/Ronan situation (do you see where i'm going with this?)

because the thing is, there's this guy, Anderson [subject to change] Atwell

the assistant coach

ohohoho yes

Anderson’s really been there for Levi after the accident, bc he's been much more of a confidant to Levi than any of the team's therapists, probably because he's not a therapist; and then the shit with Angie and Nikita really isolates Levi, and slowly Anderson can't help but wanting to help Levi as much as he can, more than assistant coaches probably normally feel...

so Levi's not as straight as he thought, not in love with Angie like that like he thought, much more in love with Nikita than he always thought, and definitely, definitely super hard in love with his assistant coach (you see the Adam/Blue/Gansey/Ronan pattern?) (except there is nothing whatsoever between Nikita and Anderson. in fact Nikita probably hates him a little bit actually. fr fr.)

also before anyone sends me anon hate about my own OCs, the Levi-Anderson age gap is 22-30, so calm downnnn

so yeah Levi & Anderson, once they're all in and go all out, are disgustingly happy; but the hurdles are many and exhausting (i have another ask incoming for Coach Rhemann, which will coincidentally explain really well said obstacles)

i would say, apart from Jean Moreau himself obv and Adèle Moreau, Levi is the most tragic Trojan :(

especially because he used to be such a goofy ass mf, and so hyped about Exy on and off the court, before the accident, and nowadays he's much more a shell of himself, doesn't care much about Exy outside the court, always plays his very best but his heart's not into it, feels disconnected from his team and teammates, etc.

Anderson's the one to lead him back to his love for the sport <3

Jeremy did try very hard as his captain to reignite the flame inside Levi, of course, but let's say he had a little less incentive than with the Frenchman... if ya know what i mean... but Levi's just glad even his captain never gave up on him

birthday's June 1st //lmao beginning of pride month and i didn't even do that on purpose//

originally Levi was named Reuben Muller and he was German-American? but i decided to split the character in 2 and thus Levi & Nikita were born!

his bestfriend, apart from Nikita who has known since birth almost, is Jack Driver; they hit it off instantly the first time they practice together on the court (it also helps that Jack is both a moron and a wise man. very in touch with his feelings. it just depends if his brain cells are activated or taking a nap…)

once the drama settles down Angie also becomes one of his close friends

he’s an only child [pitiful]

did i mention his ADHD? oh he has big big big ADHD… he often forgets his meds, and he’s prone to lash out (mostly at himself) or zone out, but Exy really helps a lot with both his bottomless restless energy and his self-worth <3

on the meds thing: that was such a battle. for everyone involved. Levi, the doctors, his gf, his parents, Nikita... it was just barely starting to go well when the accident happened, and well. the step from ADHD to depression is already so small, Levi had no chance. but he's climbing up the hill again now :)

so Levi's kind of the dark version of Jeremy, or like a past younger iteration of Jeremy before he got to be the Captain Sunshine we know and love (and that's partly why Jeremy has trouble connecting w him, befriend him, even look at him sometimes); he doesn't talk much anymore, except to fight and curse, but then he turns around and drops by with a pan of brownies for the new girl because he saw her eating one all alone and sad in the athletes' hall, you know? he's very hard to pin down, even more so now that the constants in his life have been taken away or flipped :/ but he's a precious dude, trust me!

[sunshine-embry]

Just because I need to yap about my opinions :3

I have the urge to rant about my Be More Chill Two River vs Broadway version, so I am! I might make another post of just things I like in the songs or entire musical itself if I ever feel motivated enough to 🤗

Before I yap a lot, I just need to say I'm a bit biased towards the Broadway version because I have a record of it 😁

Anyway!

More Than Survive: I personally prefer the Broadway version, BUT I HAVE REASONS I PROMISE. Idk why but the two river version feels a bit too fast for me, but that could just be because I'm used to hearing the Broadway version that I think is slowed down a bit. 🤔

Besides from that, the conversation that Brooke and Chloe have I think is better in the two river version because it introduces Madeline, which Jeremy uses as a story in Be More Chill Part 1 (does that sentence make sense?) Meanwhile the conversation in the broadway version is just there 😑

The "Christines" in the Two River version feels especially too fast, like they were trying to cut down the run time, while the Broadway version just lets it go at a slower pace which I really like.

I also prefer the instrumentals in the Broadway version (idk if there's actually any change to them, it's just at a more digestible pace like I said before) but I see people saying that the Broadway instrumentals of the songs are worse? Idk, I just like it better.

I Love Play Rehearsal: I don't have anything much to say about I Love Play Rehearsal, but I still do have a few things. I really don't prefer any version, they're both equal to me.

Also the fact that in the Broadway version, Christine goes on a small rant about how there isn't any good roles for women in theater anymore which is kinda ironic considering that one of the main criticisms of Be More Chill is that the girl characters are all one-note characters :/

In the Broadway version, I really love when Stephanie Hsu emphasizes the "I LOVE play rehearsal" at the end, it makes me laugh every time without fail.

Also, the Broadway version is faster than the two river version and I don't like that. I guess I just like slow songs :/

The Squip Song Something about the Broadway version of this song makes me so happy and idk why.

Anyway, I really like in the Broadway version when Jeremy whispers drugs even though he gets stoned with Michael. It's funny.

I am kinda sad that the Broadway version cut out the one part with Rich after "it helps you rule", 'cause it was really funny to me. This whole song is really funny to me.

I don't have that much to talk about for the Squip Song 'cause I usually listen to the broadway version because it makes me very very happy for no reason (literally, if you see me listening to it, I will actually smile sm)

Two Player Game: I know I'm going to come on strongly rn, but two player game is my least favorite Broadway version of a BMC song. Fight me.

First of all, the instrumentation kinda falls flat. The original gives such a warm feel to it if you know what I mean, but the Broadway one just kinda feels soulless.

I don't know how to explain it, but just know that I prefer the two river version wayyy over the Broadway version.

The Squip Enters: This is not a song, it's nearly a minute of screaming 🤗

Be More Chill Part 1: My main thing I don't like in the Broadway version of this is the Squip's talking voice. Emphasis on talking voice.

I adore how Jason Tam sings the new part added to the song, I love it sm. But I don't like the smoker voice. It gives me the creeps.

Besides that, like I said before, I love the new addition to the song in the Broadway version, it makes me happy for reasons I can't even begin to explain.

In both versions, I really like the part where Jeremy is telling Chloe and Brooke about how he used to date Madeline even though he didn't. Speaking of Madeline, I have a Madeline ask blog called @tres-magnifique (yes, I did only add this here to self-sponser)

Do You Wanna Ride?: I'm pretty sure it's nearly identical in both versions, having similar instrumentals and the same actresses in both. There's nothing much to talk about.

Be More Chill Part 2: Controversial opinion, but Be More Chill pt 1 should just be called Be More Chill and this song should be called Be More Chill Reprise. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. I have nothing else to say about this song.

I can't do MTS reprise or Sync Up because they are two very different songs.

A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into: Controversial opinion, I don't like this song. I tried to force myself to like it, but something about it I don't like. Like I said for the past two - correct me if I'm wrong - but I'm pretty sure the two versions are basically the same, there's no version I prefer.

Upgrade: Finally something I can yap about! First of all, I prefer the Broadway version. It's just something about it I really like!

I really like how Brooke tries to speak French knowing that Jeremy used to date Madeline. I just think that it's a nice touch.

Anyway, I really like that Brooke and The Squip don't share a part at the beginning, because the two river version where they do makes me really uncomfortable. Plus, I really like Brooke's part in the Broadway version.

I don't understand why they changed "damn" to "now" in the Broadway version. I'm not complaining, but it's just weird to me.

I don't really mind the fact that in the Broadway version, they take out Jake's part about getting sporty and playing cricket. I know that some people compare it to the part in Voices In My Head, in which Jake asks Christine out using something that he likes, but Jeremy does it using something she likes, but Idrc.

What I am kinda mad that they took out in the Broadway version though, is that they took out the part where Jake talks about his parents being in a money laundering scheme. Idk, it just makes me kinda sad.

I'm so glad that in the Broadway version they made Loser Geek Whatever it's own song. IT'S SO GOOD JUST FOR A SMAL PART?!?! LIKE WHAT?!?! I might be a little biased considering it's my favorite BMC song, but still though I'm so happy 😁

I also like how they added the whole "I'm tired of being the person that everyone thinks that I am" part, because it really shows that everyone (minus Michael) isn't happy with something and it just adds another layer to their characters. The overlapping also just makes me happy. I think that's it for upgrade.

I'm too lazy to rant anymore, tell me if u want me to do this with the second act. Also thank you for listening to me yap for a solid 10 minutes.

[lesbianbroadwaynerd]

My brain has been working nonstop because as much as i love willemijn she posts vague things on her instagram story like this:

so naturally i have been theorizing all day and i have compiled my evidence and when i tell you i’ve never manifested anything harder i mean it. my conclusion is that this announcement is about her being jenny lind in the greatest showman on broadway. i am going to explain myself in a moment but i just need to preface this with something else so that what i’m trying to say makes sense. so back in 2017 when willemijn had her solo concert she sang a song from ghost the musical and then the next show she was in was a German production of ghost (do you see where i’m going with this). so my thought process was back in december she sang this is me with gaia aikman at that christmas tv program that was broadcast in the netherlands and then at the end of june at musicals in concert she along with two other musical actresses sang never enough, and what musical are both of those songs from? the greatest showman and they have both been prior (one might saying leading up) to her saying she has news today. my other evidence includes that she has worked with pasek and paul who wrote the music for it originally and willemijn and rebecca ferguson (who played jenny lind in the movie) look scarily similar. plus i am going to make the case of why did they originally cast an actress that can sing but then cast someone else to sing when willemijn looks like who they cast visually and has the voice of an angel, so just like people want jeremy jordan in it, i want willemijn in it. honorable mentions go to she’s finally going to do vlogs and/or finally putting out an album but I don’t have any evidence to back up those possibilities. also if this is barely coherent i sincerely apologize because i myself struggled to put my own thoughts into words.

[maaikeatthefullmoon]

As promised to my darling friend @tismrot, here is the first of The Holiday Diaries *insert ominous music here*. Hope you enjoy it, dollface.

The drive was four hours. I can’t drive. Essentially, I lived in a country where I couldn’t speak the language when I was of an age to learn to drive. After that, once I moved to the UK at age 18, I’ve always either lacked the time or money (or both) for driving lessons. So I’m a frustrated passenger.

The destination was somewhere I said I’d never go again. A few years ago I ended up in A&E (not self inflicted - it was a treatment-resistant migraine, which means I end up on a morphine drip. It happens roughly every 4-5 years) and I can’t say my memories of this place are great as a result. On top of which I vowed last year that I wasn’t doing this type of holiday again and I’d be taking the kids separately from then on. Oh yeah, and then I lost my everloving shit last night as well. Oops. Meant to have that conversation AFTER the holiday.

Big words, big breeches…aaaaand here I am! On holiday! Fucksake. But hopefully it’ll be entertaining.

Hour one.

Kids argued within five minutes. Googled car games for them. They just looked at me like I grew an extra head. Felt like a dinosaur. Googled if I can do EMDR to myself. Results inconclusive. Atmosphere in the front of the car very awkward. BBC Radio 2 on.

Hour two.

Kids still arguing, although son has helped daughter build a rollercoaster on Minecraft. Told them about Rollercoaster Tycoon. Once again felt like a dinosaur. Messaged a LOT of people to pass the time. Still listening to Radio 2. Atmosphere obviously still awkward. Ignoring the burgeoning migraine that’s been bugging me on & off for the past week+. Definitely stressed. Saw someone with amazing green hair in a service station. Exchanged smiles. Kindred spirits. Despite being young enough to be my daughter. Do wonder if these people smile at me in a condescending way, wondering if grandma’s escaped from a home…Oh look, that was an ellipsis. And I DIDN’T PUT A SPACE AFTER IT. Ha. Anyway.

Hour three.

Fuck the migraine, took a triptan. Radio 2 still on, did pretty well on Ten to the Top. Dollface, you won’t know what this is…don’t worry about it. Read through the edits @tismrot made on my chapter I’d been struggling on. Felt like the shittest writer on Earth, but needed that kick up the arse. Realised by the end of the hour that the new triptans pack a punch and I was stoned off my nut. Is that a phrase? It is now. Atmosphere was…ah, fuck it, I didn’t care any more. It certainly passed the time.

Hour four.

Put my own playlist on. Well, a modified kid-friendly version. Still occasionally get caught out as I just filter songs out that have an ‘explicit’ tag, but sometimes the tag is missing, and sometimes they’re just fucking crude without using any swear words. Whoops. Oh well. Anything was better than Jeremy Vine. Was NOT listening to him. Took the kids for lunch at McDonald’s. Embarrassed the 8yo by putting on a silly hat, and singing, and dancing. It’s too easy. 11yo gives zero fucks, nothing embarrasses him.

Writing this in a caravan now. At least I have good reading material. I’ve finally got my over-arching plot & everything planned out for the first original book & these two books are great reading.

After the blowup argument last night I’m essentially spending time with the kids alone, reading alone or writing alone. A L O N E

Although there appears to be a case of amnesia that’s set in already. I’m choosing to laugh hysterically at this

[dalekofchaos]

Context

Context for choice 1.

We are going to find out about the other bullies. Cassie's dad is Bonnie Bully, Jeremy Fitzgerald and Beta tester Jeremy "REMEMBER JEREMY" Freddy Bully is Sammy Emily and the CEO of Fazbear Entertainment and the villain in this new story. Chica Bully is Fritz Smith and the new killer. Here is my pitch. Michael took Fritz Smith from his friend. Fritz was the one kid who took the fall for CC’s murder. Perhaps after all this time, he is let out or prison and Sammy is there waiting for him. Sammy offers him a job and a means for them all to atone for what happened to CC. Turn Fazbear Entertainment into a happy memory for everyone. But Sammy is lying. Jeremy’s fate we all know what happens in HW2. But The Mimic needs a new apprentice and what better killer to use than the person who took the fall for the Bite of 83.

Maybe Michael can come back. There is certainly evidence of Michael’s survival. Theory 1. Theory 2. Theory 3.

My pitch is this. Michael would find Vanessa and Gregory and help them. He’s been working on the inside of Fazbear Entertainment(his email in FNAFAR) to find out who and why is orchestrating everything since everything was supposed to die with him, William and Henry. The children are still here(Tangle) his father’s agony has infested Fazbear Entertainment and somehow his old friends are involved. At some point Michael is able to save Jeremy and Gregory and Vanessa can break through to Cassie.

The final confrontation would be between the four friends that started it all. Michael and Jeremy reach Fritz and leave Sammy down to die with The Mimic and burning them both together and Fazbear Entertainment dies with them, thus ending the nightmare once and for all.

Context for choice 2

In Ruin, if you look very closely, you will notice both Burntrap and The Tangle have purple eyes.

What if It was actually canon and Afton just transferred his remnant into The Blob and left The Mimic in his endo shell?

We do have a blink and you miss it cameo.

ALSO. The trailer lines

“You will do as I say, you will bring me what I want, and if you fail me, then you will–both of you–BURN!”

I believe Afton was the puppet master. Vanny and The Mimic were his thralls. The Mimic allowed Afton to use it’s body, and his resurrection was complete. And both Burntrap and Princess Quest endings were canon. First Gregory ventured down to the basement and then Gregory went back to complete Princess Quest. Gregory saved Vanessa, while The Blob took Afton away and as The Blob took Afton, Afton took control of The Blob and left The Mimic down in the basement.

And then, Afton left inside the Tangle's body. Slowly, but surely The Tangle becomes the Afton Amalgamation like in Princess Quest. Hoping it will look like this art by xXmissrosearts

But I believe all the Nightmarionne easter eggs is going to lead to Charlie coming back to kill William once and for all

Context for choice 3

Context for choice 5.

Gregory represents Freddy, Cassie represents Roxy and eventually we will get kids to represent Chica and Bonnie(I would've said Monty, but you know he's deader than dead atm lol) maybe they could you proto-Cassie be reused to be Chica's kid and someone new to bring back Bonnie.

[thatfanficstuff]

Not About You - 33

Pairing: Damon Salvatore x ofc

warnings: not really

As it turned out, Elijah brought guests with him to dinner. Jonas Martin and his son Luka who were his current favored witches. Once they’d settled at the table and dished up their dinner, talk swiftly turned to Elena and Niklaus.

Elijah focused on Caroline. “I trust what we say here will not be repeated, Miss Forbes. My Lucy trusts you and considers you family so I am extending you the same courtesy. Do not make me regret it.”

Caroline’s eyes grew big as she glanced between her friend and the Original. “I won’t. I promise.”

He nodded once in acknowledgment before leaning back in his chair. “As you are all aware, my siblings and I are the Original vampires. Five of us still live, or a semblance of it at any rate. My brother Niklaus seeks to end a curse and needs the human doppelganger to do it.”

“The curse of the sun and the moon,” Caroline said with a little nod.

He narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. “Not exactly.”

“The curse Klaus seeks to end is one placed solely on him,” Jonas said. “One he has been suffering from for 1,000 years.”

Lucy arched a brow. “No wonder he’s got anger issues.”

Elijah huffed a laugh. “You have no idea. After we were changed, it wasn’t long until Niklaus had his first kill. That triggered his werewolf gene. He became the Original hybrid. My father had never cared for him, but discovering that Niklaus was the product of an affair was his breaking point. My mother bound my brother’s werewolf side, claiming nature demanded balance.”

“You know that was a load of shit, right?” Lucy asked. “If he wasn’t meant to be both, the vampirism would have overrode the werewolf or vice versa. She was trying to placate Daddy Mikaelson. I assume it didn’t work.”

“As my father has been hunting us for the last thousand years I would say no,” Elijah agreed. “This is his chance to release the wolf and be free. He needs Elena for the ritual. Once it’s complete, he will be weak during his transition and it is then that I will kill him.”

“Complete?” Caroline asked. “But that means Elena…”

“The doppelganger will die, yes, however our intention is not for her to remain that way,” the Original explained.

Lucy placed her hand over his where it rested on the table. “Do you really want to kill your brother?”

“Of course not,” Elijah snapped. “But he must pay for what he’s done to our siblings.”

“But you’ll be alone.” Her voice was soft, worried.

He turned his hand to take hers. “Not alone. I’ll have you, little one.

Mid-afternoon of the next day Damon told Lucy they had some errands to run. She’d simply shrugged and followed him to his car. It didn’t take her long to realize one of the things they apparently needed to do was go to Elena’s house so Damon could mock her. The Martin witches had cast a spell confining Elena to her house until she was slightly less suicidal so the rest of them could have a break.

Only Elena and Jeremy were in the house when they arrived. Lucy glanced around. “Where’s everyone else?” She didn’t really care but found it kind of amusing that they’d all just abandoned the teenager.

Elena just glared without answering. Fair enough.

Damon’s phone rang before he could begin his taunting. He paced as he talked, irritation heavy in his tone. Finally he hung up and slipped his phone into his pocket. He grabbed Lucy’s hand and pulled her toward the door. “We have to go. Jeremy, you keep babysitting. Elena, you should get out. Enjoy the fresh air. Oh, wait. You can’t.” He smirked, proud of himself and dodged the pillow Elena threw at his head.

Lucy laughed as she followed him out the door. “Where are we headed?” she asked as he pulled away from the curb.

“Grill. Ric’s there. There’s an issue.”

“What sort of issue?” In Mystic Falls, it could be most anything really.

He glanced at her with a sigh. “Someone’s looking for Mason. She’s stirred up enough shit that Liz has declared him a missing person.”

His knuckles turned white as his fingers tightened their grip on the steering wheel. She laid a hand on his arm. “Hey, we got this. Breathe.”

He took a breath and nodded as they pulled into a parking spot. It was evident her words hadn’t had much of an effect when he was out of the car and in the grill before she even had her door open. That wasn’t like him at all.

Lucy shook her head and took her time following him inside. He’d already taken a seat beside Ric and both of them had their eyes on a blonde sitting at the bar. She was talking to Matt. Lucy shifted her gaze between all of them before heading to the bar to get a drink. She planted her ass on a stool and waited for the bartender to take her order, all the while silently observing the other woman as discretely as possibly.

The bartender sat a scotch in front of Lucy without a word and she looked up in surprise. It was one thing for the bartender to recognize you, another for them to have your drink order memorized. Oh well. She gave a nod of thanks and shoved a five in the tip jar.

She stayed at the bar to sip her drink, debating whether she should just pretend she didn’t know the two men. She glanced over to Damon and he smirked in amusement obviously knowing what she was thinking. He licked his lips and chuckled before gesturing toward Ric with his head.

Her gaze shifted to find the teacher heading toward the blonde. He pretended to be tipsy and bought her a drink to her obvious displeasure. After a moment, Damon valiantly came to her rescue. He stood with his back to Lucy and she rolled her eyes. What were these two numbskulls up to now? Whatever it was, it was almost certain to get someone in trouble.

Ric met her gaze and smiled as he stirred something in the blonde’s drink. Damon told him to get lost and Ric acted offended. Lucy rolled her eyes and stood, elbowing her boyfriend in the process. He scowled at her.

“Sorry. I’m so clumsy.” She walked over and linked her arm with Ric’s to drag him away. She leaned over to speak in his ear as they went. “Please tell me you didn’t just roofie the werewolf?”

His head jerked to look at her in surprise. “Wolfsbane. How do you know she’s a wolf?”

They settled at an empty table where they could keep an eye on the bar. “It’s a logical assumption. She’s looking for Mason. Odds are he left a pack behind.”

“Yeah, well, the wolfsbane is to make certain. We need to know what we’re dealing with.”

“So, you basically poisoned her. I’m going to assume this was Damon’s idea.” Her boyfriend was nothing if not impulsive.

Ric smirked and sipped at his drink. Lucy sent a text. Dumbass.

Damon pulled out his phone and frowned at the screen. He shot a glance at her and she lifted her drink in a toast before finishing it off. She kept a careful eye on him and his companion as they continued to talk. Afterall, she might need to move in at any moment to rescue him.

The blonde slammed her drink down on the bar and Lucy immediately moved in their direction. Ric was right behind her. She stopped a few feet away and watched as Damon practically confessed to killing Mason. Lucy sighed and moved into his side, running a hand under his jacket to rest on his back, hoping to be a calming presence.

“You’re an idiot for doing this on the night of the full moon. Any other night, you might have me, but not tonight,” the wolf threatened. At least Lucy wouldn’t need to repeat the lecture later. “You’ve been marked,” she added then stormed past them and out of the bar.

Damon blinked in shock for a moment before lightly pushing his girl away and following the wolf. The other two shared a look then trailed after him.

“Where is she?” Damon demanded as they reached the parking lot.

“Just let it go,” Ric said.

“Let it go? She said I’ve been marked. What kind of werewolf throw down bullshit is that, anyway?”

There was no sign of the other woman anywhere. “Damon,” Lucy said, her voice quiet. He ignored her and continued to look around for any sign of the wolf. She said his name again, her voice, louder and firmer.

He turned in irritation. “What?”

“It’s a full moon. Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

“She’s right,” Ric chimed in when the vampire didn’t say anything. “If any of this is true, one bite and you’re dead. Take Lucy home and we’ll deal with this in the morning.”

Damon glanced at the moon shining brightly overhead. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s go home, kitten.”

The drive home was silent, though he held Lucy’s hand the whole way. When they walked inside, he locked the door behind them, something she didn’t think she’d ever seen him do. Too bad werewolves wouldn’t be using the front door should they choose to turn up.

Lucy’s hands trembled and she clenched them in irritation. “I say we barricade ourselves in the bedroom until morning.”

He smirked and started to say something before frowning and pressing a finger to his lips to tell her to stay quiet. He moved silently through the house and she followed far enough behind that he didn’t have to worry about her. They stepped into the other room to find Rose sitting behind the desk. Lucy rolled her eyes and leaned against the doorframe, allowing Damon to deal with it.

He sighed. “What are you doing here?”

“You didn’t answer your phone.”

“That should have told you something. What do you want, Rose?”

“I wanted to apologize for running away when Elijah showed up.” She tried to sound sincere but neither of the other two were buying it.

“Bullshit,” Damon said. “You just don’t have anywhere else to go.”

Her gaze darted between Damon and Lucy. “I really am sorry about Elena. I didn’t know what she was going to do. And, you’re right, I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“You’re a vampire. You’ll figure it out,” Lucy told her.

Damon smirked and headed toward the liquor. “There’s nothing here for you, Rose. I suggest you find somewhere else to be.”

The shattering of glass filled the air and they all turned toward where the sound had come from. Lucy’s heart pounded in her chest and she had the insane urge to run upstairs and hide under the covers. Damon darted to the door and the three of them moved into the hall as a group. Curtains fluttered in the breeze from a now broken window. A low growl sounded and they all searched for the source.

Damon jerked a sword off the wall and held it in front of him just as a large gray wolf stepped into view. It stared at Damon and hunched down as if preparing to leap. The women shouted his name in warning.

Something slammed into Lucy’s body from the side and she stumbled forward until she was between the wolf and its target. White hot, searing pain flooded through her as sharp teeth buried in her shoulder. A scream tore from her throat as the wolf tossed its head. It growled and snarled and tore at her body. Her hands dug into its fur as she struggled to push it off her.

Nausea rolled through her as the intensity of the pain worsened with every shake of its head. Its teeth ground together inside of her flesh, tearing through muscle and clamping onto bone. A large crack accompanied a mind-numbing wave of agony as her collarbone snapped.

Damon thrust the blade into the wolf’s side. It released its prey and whimpered in pain before exiting through the window it had broken. He dropped his weapon and fell to his knees beside his girl. His hands hovered as he took in her injuries as if he didn’t know where to start.

Tears poured down Lucy’s face and her head swam. Darkness ate at the edges of her vision as she writhed on the floor in pain. Movement only brought more agony but she couldn’t seem to make herself still. “It hurts,” she whimpered. “It hurts so much.”

He placed one hand on her head and his other hand grasped hers. “I am so sorry, baby. This is my fault. I shouldn’t have provoked her.”

She wanted to agree with him but the reason seemed so unimportant right then. “Please, Damon,” she begged, unsure what she expected him do. She just needed the pain to stop and knew he could do it.

He bit into his wrist and placed it to her mouth, her hands reaching up to grab his arm once she was able. A sound drew her attention and panic spiked through her. What if the wolf came back? She blinked away tears and shifted her gaze to the figure behind Damon. Rose came into focus, arms crossed over her chest and a smirk on her face.