#this one was just way easier to record after my long long day of sadly not having an epic rager at elrond's house

[officiallanxichen]

[Audio description: a recording of me singing outside. The tune is in a minor-like key and is reminiscent of medieval plainchant. The lyrics are as follows:

A Elbereth Gilthoniel

Silivren penna míriel

O menel aglar elenath

Na-chaered palan-díriel

O galadhremmin ennorath

Fanuilos, le linnathon

Nef aear, sí nef aearon!

End audio description.]

live to you from my back alley: a elbereth gilthoniel!

[the-dye-stained-socialite]

Elias' River-Blood

(sounds of whooping and cheering and excited hand slapping) So! Preemptively I will warn that this has spoilers for The Swan Bride ES! Also it gets put under a cut cause it's gonna be Long! I'm gonna sort this into 3 sections: How it Happened, How it's Maintained, and How it Affects Them!

How it Happened:

In the ES you help out the Swan Bride, and discover how and why she is what she is. You learn she was married to a second city Priestess in a poisoned pool in the Sere Palace, and bound to her and the rivers of the canals forever. There you have the option to allow the Bride her marriage to the Priestess, and to make the same sort of bargain the previous Gonfalonier made, and allow the Priestess to open your veins, and let the waters of the river Persephone flow through you. Your character dies and ends up going to a poison river instead of the slow river, and this is where the process happens, and you end up with the water (and specifically also the poison) of the Persephone running through your blood!! This also makes it much easier for you to win the race against the old Gonfalonier. I think it's implied that the reason the PC isn't bound to the canals like the Bride was is because the Priestess has the Bride now and is happy and content with that but... i like my blorbos possessive and this includes rivers, so. Also some parts of this ES were a touch confusing and hard to understand and I apparently didn't record all of it in my echos sadly!!!!

There's also parts where you can discover some of the lore and traditions of the Locks and it talks about guild members getting symbolically married to the waters!

(Okay so. this is the start of my oc specific speculation, meaning any of this can shift or change as I develop and thing of things further!)

How I interpret this for Elias is that they now are tied and married to the River Persephone itself, and with her waters flowing through them, they are bound to her. Not as strongly as the Bride, who was unable to leave, because i think the River knows Elias can't be contained and restrained, but it is more than nothing.

They were good at the Viol beforehand, but the Bride taught them much about it, and now it's one of their favorite forms of music.

Additionally, Elias was not nearly so KatTox focused before this. They had their work with the camera and developing chemicals on the Surface, but not much of the intimate knowledge. After I have them sort of taking her place a bit though, they have much more knowledge then before. This is when they went from esoteric ideas about the Neathbow, to actually studying its chemical properties and compositions, and becoming a pigment and dye-chemist! Before this they would mostly do field research, but had very little idea on what to actually do with that knowledge! This is when Elias got their dyes started!

How it's Maintained: Elias pretty much always feels the pull of the river, but it's akin to gravity. Most days they're pretty used to it, but some days it gets heavy and strong, and can't be ignored. The further they get, and the longer it's been since a visit, the stronger the pulls becomes, and the worse their symptoms can become (which i'll cover below). Elias must actually be upon the river for the pulling and tugging and Symptoms to subside, so just hangin' around the Locks without actually saying hello to their lovely spouse isn't going to work! They'll also often just. put their hands. in the poison waters. I think the river itself is already a bit thicker than normal water, probably being water, blood, and poison in equal measure. So most people would Not put their hands in that, especially because not wanting to risk the poison hurting them! (but also a little bit because of the whole blood thing.) Elias does this anyways because the poison doesn't affect them in the same way, because it's good bonding time with their spouse, they're a bit of a blood freak, and also they can do Fun Spooky Shit!

How it Affects them: okay fun stuff time!

So! Notably, Elias' blood is thinner than it should be! It is, in fact, nearly the same consistency as the River herself, because, well, it is! Just with a bit more blood in the ratio. About 50% blood, 25% water and 25% poison.

Having thin, watered down blood causes many issues! Notably:

Their blood does not clot easily, and when they're cut they bleed profusely and quickly. A lot of the time when Elias' wounds are high it's because they got injured and ended up very nearly bleeding out. They also lose... more blood than expected. If they were meant to have about 14 pints of blood normally, they can bleed out about 20 pints. This doesn't mean they *have* those 20 pints, moreso that the river is bleeding out a bit as well, and they are an open wound in the river.

Elias gets cold very easily, and their base body temperature already sits a little too cold for a human anyways. Luckily, moving water doesn't freeze as easily as still water, but the cold (and discordance) is still dangerous for them.

They're very nosebleed prone. If their emotions get a bit too intense (which is a common occurrence) then they can quickly end up with a very very long nosebleed. 50% luck check on if one happens or not. Usually they last an hour, and leave Elias completely wiped out afterwards. They work very hard to keep their emotions stable.

Elias also deals with anemia. Simply put, there is not enough blood in their blood! This means that while they have *fantastic* circulation, they still deal with cold limbs, light-headedness, and tire-ing very easily.

They also bruise very easily, and they'll take longer to heal

artery blood

There's also a few other quirks

Based on text mentioning the poisoned areas having 'brackish' water, this would lead to their blood being more alkaline than usual. More along the basic, higher end side of the PH scale, like baking soda, seawater, or bleach. The Swan Bride's dress trails through waters as a few points, and hisses and burns away, so! their blood is also lightly caustic (again, like bleach).

Elias' blood is also Incredbly Poisonous (which. i feel like should come up more frequently in game than it actually does, which is to say: this item has no recorded uses ;-;). There's multiple lethal toxins in the water! However, since Elias is diluted river, i think that (unless you're like. straight up drinking their blood) there's only three or four that you'd have to actually worry about, since you wouldn't be able to get a lethal dose of the other eight or nine (or so). Still, it's still likely to kill you if it gets In You, whether entering through a cut, liking a knife, or Elias making Decisions. (I have this idea of them using their blood's lethality on purpose against someone).

Elias also metabolizes toxins incredibly well! What toxins enter their bloodstream, their body takes them and stores them, and keeps them, similar to how caterpillars will consume toxic plants, and become poisonous moths! In order to properly poison them, you'd need to have something their blood cannot store, cannot keep around, or something that skips the bloodstream entirely and targets something else, like, for example, their brain and nerves. This is hard to do though, because this means the poison won't be able to travel well, so it would need multiple applications in different spots. After that though, it'll be easier to target their heart, and from there have something enter their bloodstream.

So what does all of that mean? Well. Thick leather gloves are a great idea around Elias. Unless you're part (or all) Curator, or have some Incredibly High KatTox, you're not going to be able to handle their blood. (please imagine how terrifying it is for Elias to watch someone lick their blood... and then nothing happens. horrifying!!!)

The flow of their blood is tied to the flow of the river, and vice versa. When the river is swollen and rushing, they are fast and full and energetic, and bleeding is much more likely, and much more risky for them. When it is cold, and slow moving, they become lethargic. Crashes in the water and major backups become migraines, busy days have them feeling touch and pressure, which can be either reassuring or annoying. Their mood, in turn, reflects on the water. Anxiety and worry turn into spiraling eddies, anger of frustration or, most dangerous of all, fear, turn into rushing rapids that threaten to capsize boats and flood the locks, but a happy day will have a swift and steady river, cooperative in what needs done.

Yes, this means if you Fuck Up in Elias' river, they can feel it. They have a reputation at the Guild for showing up any and every time there is an accident. The Guild doesn't know Elias is part river, though they do know about them being married (only the superstitious realize it's more than ceremony), and they are aware that Elias' working garb bears striking resemblance to the former gowns and mask of the Swan Bride. No one knows how they're able to navigate while wearing a dress and veil with a massive train that drags in the water.

Elias cannot donate blood, but receiving blood is a bit easier, though not without risk. Donating blood, even to someone with high KatTox, is a challenge, with myriad side effects. First, there is the longing. That gravitational pull, heavy as Earth, injected into someone used to no pull at all. It's easier on Zailors though, for they are used to the pull of the Zee. An intense desire to return to the Persephone, and fling oneself into her currents to float happily. After that, however, is the Persephone recognizing where she is, what strange canals she's in now. You'd better hope she likes you. If not, she'll simply escape the confines, and probably take most of your blood with her. If you've survived all this though, you'll still end up highly sick. Human veins are not meant for corrosive poison, and without the proper death and death rites, your body won't be able to adjust itself or become accustomed to it. Getting blood into them is easier, but Elias does not tolerate the composition well, it diminishes who and what they are, and will put their body in shock. in a pinch though, it can be done, provided you can treat the shock and help them feel like themself again. The best way to give Elias a blood transfusion would be to take the back to the River where they can slowly heal, or, if it needs to be done quicker, to inject the river-water into them directly.

Elias does get some fun and nifty stuff out of it though! Mainly, their communication with, control of, and strength on the water.

Well, less control in the traditional sense.

When Elias opened their veins to her, it was not just a bargain. It was marriage, a bond, and a conversation. They shared their circulatory system with her, and the organ that is in charge of all of that: their heart. They have dedication to her, and devotion for her, and that deep bond. It's not romantic love, but it is love, and a promise. They love her, and care for her.

She asks they return to her once a month, and they do so willingly. Even when they are unhappy, they will return to her, for she cannot come to viisit them. They carry her happily in their blood. If Elias is unable to visit her for whatever reason however, their anemia symptoms with gradually worsen, and their strength will diminish. It is as if their lifeforce slowly leaves them. It is not out of malice that this is done however, it is simply that the bond needs to be renewed, vows upheld. She permits them as much freedom as they have, for she knows they cannot be contained, and it would sadden them to be so far from others. So they must visit her.

Often though, Elias will visit more than once a month anyways, because they adore her so. Thus, with this bond they share, and the part of their heart she occupies, the Persephone grants them something extra.

The previous Gonfalonier had the river in his veins, yes, but he did not give of his blood back. He did not want to risk a binding, and thus he had limited abilities with the River. He could navigate more easily than anyone else, and already he had great skill, and though he control and bend the waters to his will, and she was not happy, and his success was extremely limited.

With Elias and their heart, they can communicate with her. Navigation traditionally requires an oar, however... Elias can merely touch their hand to the water, and she will know their desires. They can ask her to swell, to slow, to speed them along, whatever their heart desires. When they do this though, if they attempt anything of intensity, it does cause their own blood to run in turn. Usually a nosebleed will come first, then it trickles from their mouth and tear ducts. It doesn't hurt, but it can exhaust them if they push themself too far. On the river herself though, Elias tends to feel more alive, and less lethargic. Their aches do not touch them as much here. Unfortunately, Elias will often overwork themself because of this, so excited to do things that they forget their disabilities are still there.

Elias also still doesn't know how to swim, and while they're great at navigating their gondola... this does not apply out at Zee. They can't feel the Zee, nor do they know how to communicate with it, and they're bad at navigating using a steering wheel instead of an oar.

Overall though, they take the good with the bad, and love her regardless. She provides them freedom, a way to navigate the waters and the Upper River, where they alone are in control of themself.

[zutraeumen]

Hollowed

This is a part of my one-shot book called: Even the Doll, should it please you... You can find the whole book on these platforms: FanFiction, AO3, Wattpad or Quotev. Bloodborne belongs to its respectful owner.

Hollowed

―︎

"Just go out and kill a few beasts. It's for your own good. You know, it's just what hunters do! You'll get used to it..."

―︎

The following days, the days after Gilbert's death, were enormously difficult. Over the course of your long life, you accepted death as that part of life that was inevitable. Some deaths were easier to deal with, certain others, on the other hand, severely challenged your beliefs at times. But never to such an extent that you wouldn't come to terms with it at the end of the day.

But Gilbert's passing was nothing like the usual, and so your brain couldn't cope with it like it was used to at this point. Yharnam was a place that didn't adhere to the laws of nature, the Great Ones made sure of that. With the defeat of Rom the Vacuous Spider, it was as if a veil had been lifted off your eyes and for the first time, you saw this cursed city for what it truly was: a world without hope.

With the city of Yharnam being ravaged by the plague borne of ancient blood found in the catacombs below the city and distributed by its most powerful institution, the Healing Church, the people cowered in their homes while beasts who were once their neighbours roamed the streets. The Hunters who were in charge of slaying these beasts would inevitably give in to beasthood themselves, to be consumed by bloodlust. All the while great incomprehensible beings surrounded us, but could barely even be bothered to notice we were there, and those who ruled over this city were all either dead, dying, driven completely mad, or had become something else entirely.

An old (sadly deceased) friend of yours would tell you this in that rough voice of his: This place was going to hell! And were you back in your home, far away from Yharnam, you would have shared a good laugh about it but now... now...

It felt useless, YOU felt useless. Ever since waking up in that blasted clinic, you've tried your best to help others survive throughout. You jumped on the wave of Yharnam, acclimatized to its customs in record time while also trying to never stray far from your true self, but to what end?

Where was the end? When would it end? Was there even an end to the Hunt?

How many others would leave you alone in this hellhole?

At this point, it seemed impossible that anyone could be left alive and unaltered. We were all entangled within a web we couldn't even perceive. This place was not just horrible, it was horror, stitched into the very fabric of reality. A reality governed by its own distinctive laws where no matter what you did it would all accomplish nothing.

Despair began to take over your heart, and there was nothing that could help you get rid of it.

It had gotten so bad that even Gehrman forwent disappearing from the Dream for more extended periods of time in hopes his presence would soothe whatever that was bothering you. It was the Doll that came to him for help as she found herself at wit's end for once.

He was there, keeping you company in the back garden amongst white flowers that would never wilt.

Consumed by your thoughts, you didn't even feel the weight of his eyes and it concerned him greatly because he began to recognize himself in you. The way you would become a slave to your thoughts was something the old hunter knew very well. And only he knew the dangers of tumbling down that rabbit hole before it was too late, before you would make a habit of it.

An exchange of words would be the simplest remedy, but the mere thought of speaking to you turned his tongue into a lead and shooed away any sentences he could have conjured. His brows furrowed, and his lips set a downside line expressing his growing disappointment.

How could he struggle to ask you one question? Gehrman didn't remember being that shy around a lady! But you felt like a whole other deal, and after a lifetime of excruciating isolation where he at some point even forgot his OWN NAME, the simplest interactions felt daunting. Maybe furthermore because he didn't want to sound completely moronic. At his age, the hunter shouldn't be tumbling over his words like a newborn fawn like he so feared he would the moment his mouth opened.

With a sigh your keen ears surely picked out, the syllables steadily rolled off his trembling tongue, "What has your mind so unsettled Good Hunter?"

How to better start a conversation than with a question? The years spent in the Dream certainly did nothing to wear down Byrgenwerth off him. Several moments of silence followed. The type of silence that was as if he had disturbed a fragile peace. And now he kicked himself even more because who was he to think YOU would wish to divulge your worries to someone like HIM? Decrepit and crippled, and to top it all off, utterly pathetic. He shouldn't have-

"-I guess everything."

It took him a while to realize you have actually answered his question but he caught on eventually, too late to ask you to elaborate before you dove into a tale he would very much loathe interrupting.

About the distrustful citizens, about fellow Hunters who had lost their way, about the few survivors left in your care, about the slaying of mighty and frightening beasts alike. Even when you mentioned Byrgenwerth, he reigned in his curiosity so you could get it all out.

"... my friend Gilbert, he was also an outsider. He- he was struck by an illness, coughing more and more as time passed. I've brought him as much antidote as I could find, but it didn't help. The last time I came to visit him, he was delirious and couldn't even recognize my voice! So I went into the Forbidden Woods in search of answers. Imagine how much I've found? Nothing but new perversions to haunt my sleep! Yharnam changed upon my hasty return and I worried for my wards. But nothing could have prepared me when I moved to check up on my friend at Central Yharnam. He- he..."

You choked up, sobs wracking through your throat and never had the desire to hold you have been greater in him than now. He didn't go through with his impulsive thought, coward that he was, but relinquished one arm to rest it on your hunched shoulder. You tensed, then relaxed immediately after, welcoming the touch and something in Gerhman's stomach churned. He didn't know what it meant, but found himself wanting more nonetheless.

He gave you the time and space to collect yourself, it sounded hypocritical of himself but it was imperative that your emotions would flow through you freely. They were never meant to be cast aside or repressed, he had paid dearly for that lesson.

"He turned into a beast and I had to put him down! My best friend!"

The dam broke, and you buried your face into the palms of your hands. Gehrman regarded you with a sullen but empathetic gaze, somewhere finding it within his memory to remember what it was like to lose someone dear. He may not be able to put a name to the faces but it was enough. It was always the most compassionate hearts that suffered the most.

Considering your circumstance, words of hope and encouragement evaded him.

Should he offer his sympathy? Should he give you advice? Should he say nothing? Should he... should he... should he...

It was not the first time that he was convinced that a person such as you had no place in the Dream. In Yharnam. Being a Hunter.

Even though he was better off with you by his side. It would be incredibly selfish of him to keep you in an environment where nothing would ever thrive. Of infertile soil where all flowers would wither before they could blossom.

He should motivate you to search for your true purpose for being in this Dream, so he could, as he had done many times before, free you from it. With his Burial Blade.

The mere thought of hurting you brought him unimaginable pain. The mere thought of severing you from the Dream, never to see you again, felt soul-crushing. But he would do it, if only to spare you this.

It was the best he could offer at this moment.

"Oh, dear hunter, didn't I warn you not to think too hard about this? The moon is close. It will be a long hunt tonight. If the beasts loom large, and threaten to crush your spirits, seek the Holy Chalice. As every hunter before you has. A Holy Chalice will reveal the tomb of the god... where hunters partake in communion."

Your inquisitive eyes, so magnificently grey under the right ray of light they could be silver, turned to him, filled with such sadness and despair it pushed a stake through his stale heart. It was difficult to continue when you held him transfixed but he had somehow found his voice.

"Most of the Holy Chalices lie deep within the tomb of the gods. And the few that found their way to the surface... Were lost again in the hands of men. But if the old hunter tales remain true... ...one of the Holy Chalices is worshipped in the valley hamlet. Yet the town is in disarray... It was burned and abandoned, for fear of the scourge, home now only to beasts. The perfect place for a hunter, wouldn't you say?"

He worried immensely when you said nothing, continuing to stare into the grey fog beyond the gravestones where enormous pillars rose from endless nothingness. Time seemed to stretch on, and he resisted the urge to fidget with his cane. It was only until you rose and left for the lamp without a word that his fingers relaxed.

But in the exact moment, with a cry of a wounded animal, he struck the lumen flowers as hard as he could. Again, he had said the wrong thing, and those dearest to him always paid for it. Just as the Moon remained a permanent presence in the Hunter's Dream, he remained a fool.

―︎

You knew that Gehrman didn't imagine this when he gave you the tip.

But it was what you thought he meant.

Death and decay latched onto the very air. The Blood-Starved Beast lay rotting in a corner of the church, all gangly looking with its skin for a cape. Needles prickled your skin just remembering how its long claws tore your limbs apart more than Gascoigne ever could. Had you not discovered the Blood Cocktail's special properties by being thrown into a pillar, it was most likely you would never end up besting it. Throwing a torch at it also helped.

Accelerating, you did your best to sprint through the rest of the way to evade the lurking beasts. Much for their sake as for yours. Their beastly visages reminded you too much of Gilbert, the hurt of his passing prevailed still, yet you were sure that this was the right place to be.

It was the hunter atop the great tower that interested you, for he struck you as an odd fellow, in a good way. He hadn't introduced himself the first time you stumbled past the heavy gates and into Old Yharnam, but with a warning shot that had landed terrifying close to your boot, he made sure you remembered his words acutely:

"You there, Hunter! Didn't you see the warning? Turn back at once, Old Yharnam, burned and abandoned by men, is now home only to beasts. They are of no harm to those above. Turn back, or the hunter will face the hunt."

You narrowly side-stepped being pounced on by a werewolf. What convinced you again that this was a good idea?

Grief... it was grief.

At this point, you had to figure out the way to the top on your own because you never stepped foot near that place. Passing it by in favour of getting to prey that had to be slain. It was impossibly dark within the gothic structures, haunted by the mingling and moaning of a great number of beasts. Your heart beat louder than ever, you feared you would be discovered.

A scraping noise tore a gasp out of your open mouth, drawing in the residual soot, you swallowed down a cough and held your breath while tip-toeing into another room as gracefully as you could. You weren't allowed to fight so you decided to hide, but for fear of your own well-being, you kept your trusty Saw Cleaver at the ready.

After a moment of anxious silence, instead of the frantic patter of monsters, your ears picked up measured footsteps. Human footsteps. Oh shite-

In your haste, you absolutely forgot that the person you sought after wasn't the only one guarding the turned inhabitants of this old district. He had a companion chasing after you when you attempted to traverse through the streets with no direction in mind.

The very same companion whose footsteps now closed in on you, just around the corner. You hoped he would walk past but he was a skilled hunter, unlike you, and like a dog, once he caught a whiff of your scent, it was as good as over.

You closed your eyes once his dark silhouette came into vision, and resigned yourself to your fate. Any sort of aggression on your behalf, even in the act of defence, would undoubtedly put you out of favour of the hunter you sought. So what was left for you to do than offer yourself like a sheep for slaughter?

The only small hope you have left was that he would be merciful and make it swift. Decapitation, preferably. There was a short whirring of parts, a mechanism that would only find a home to ears that heard the sound before.

Clutching your Saw Cleaver in a death grip, the prospect flew right out the window the moment you heard that particular sound because it reminded you of another dreadful thing: there was no sharp edge for a clean cut with a saw, was there?

You began praying, even more when he came so close that you could hear his ragged breath. Stumbling backwards, you suppressed a shudder. You were a Hunter of beasts, not people. And by no means other Hunters. That was probably one of the biggest reasons you greatly respected that old crow.

It left you wondering where she disappeared to when the Blood Moon descended.

You imagined it took a vastly different level of skill to battle other hunters, with infinitely more years on their hands than your measly months. That was one of the reasons you feared antagonizing the woman whenever you talked, choosing to nod along instead of voicing your opinions.

Everything happened so fast and sort of slowly at the same time, how he approached you in quick strides. How his sudden speed scared you to death so much that you tripped in your haste to avoid it. Your surroundings were so dark that you couldn't even tell when you ended up down for the count.

Consciousness returned to you slowly, vision swimming. Groaning from the pain at the back of your head, you rolled to your side, finding the ground pleasantly soft - a cot?

"I am alive?" you said to yourself quietly, unprepared to have survived the chase.

"Be thankful for my companion," a roguish voice told you over the sounds of your elderly moaning, "I would have thrown you to the beasts were it up to me."

He followed up with something, but it was difficult for your old ears to hear. You shuffled a bit from side to side, as if it would shake your delirium. You must have looked like a drunken fool on the ground. Your head certainly felt like it.

"Do you hear me Hunter?! I will not repeat myself, what brings you to Old Yharnam?"

His booming voice rang like a bell inside your pounding head, echoing against the walls of your skull. The pain was grand, grand enough for you to abandon good sense and become angry.

"For God's sake will you tone it down a bit?!" you answered snappishly, fingers pawing at the short ends of your hair. Perhaps he will take offence and put you down for good, he would do you a favour now.

He snorted, but otherwise made no attempt to come forward to your request. Boots clung against the hard stone, away from you, and a held-in breath released itself from your asphyxiating lungs.

You worked yourself onto your feet once your vision cleared, bringing a hand up to help your eyes adjust, was the sky always so bright? A gentle breeze passed over your scalp, your hand followed inquisitively, now, where did you lose your hat?

"Aren't you a strange fellow?" he noted unkindly.

Patting down your clothes, you looked up from under your miraculously intact spectacles to meet his gaze, "[Y/N][L/N], worst Hunter you've ever met, pleased to make your acquaintance."

It at least drew a smirk from him, but not more. Not until you've answered his inquiry.

"Oh, fine!" you groaned dramatically, "I came for you."

He tensed immediately, like a deer in headlights, you should have worded that better.

"No! Not like that. I- ugh -I wanted to meet the man atop the tower. I take it that's you?"

Relaxing somewhat, he tipped his tricorn hat, left eye narrowing onto you suspiciously, "I've no interest in matters further up, neither do the beasts here in Old Yharnam. They do not venture above, and mean no harm to anyone."

"I mean no harm to them or you, I swear on my mother's grave."

"We noticed."

The man turned his back on you, whether it was because he believed you or didn't see you as a serious threat, well, realistically, it could be both. You were positive he could put you down like a pig for slaughter if he wanted, and it seemed he knew it too.

Admittedly, it would bruise your ego if you still were a young lad, but on your ancient bones, you were glad he chose to spare you. You were hoping to get to him, in fact, it was your only goal since you started your excursion. For he may have displayed a certain air of nonchalance, but you just knew he was attentive to your every movement, waiting for you to step out of line.

"Well? What are you waiting for, an open invitation? Come, join me."

You did as he told, stepping up to his rooftop perch. Some part of you thrummed with anxiety, did he spare his blade only to chuck you off the tower? It didn't help at all that the Gatling gun stood there ominously, striking even more fear into your heart without being aimed at you. This deadly machinery was jarring much like your pistol had been at the beginning. Imagine that, a hunter being scared of his own weapons!

As a simple woman of the common folk, coming from a village in the countryside far from any greater cities or fancy castles. Life had been hard, but fulfilling. Living in a house that had supposedly belonged to a witch once. It certainly didn't gain you any favours with the townsfolk, but as long as it promised a roof over your head you saw no harm in it, superstition be damned.

The people didn't like it, but you being the poor church mouse that you had been, could care less about the approval of others. Getting through the day was your main priority, and you never understood why people would look down upon you.

Didn't you have any right to fight for your life, insignificant as it was?

You did, you would, you have...

That was why you stuck around for so long, outliving even those who made life exceptionally difficult for you. You were never welcomed, that had always been an unfortunate reality for you, but you've earned the people's respect enough to be tolerated. Until... well...

"I've never seen anything quite like it."

He turned to you slowly, watching you looking at his massive gun with fearful respect, "Aye, isn't she beautiful? Crafted her myself."

You hummed, in awe of his obvious craftsmanship, but also in partial relief that he had decided to indulge you despite his suspicions, "It reminds me of Gehrman."

The man seemed to spring into life in a matter of seconds, "Blast me! YOU are the Hunter of the Dream?!"

"Ahem," offended, a scowl so foul rested on your face that it made you look like a true hag. It had less effect on him than it used to have on children. Quite possibly because he was also an older gentleman, "I've killed my fair share of beasts, thank you very much!"

He laughed. A positive sign. It eased your fear, but only at the expense of your pride, "Yes, certainly, with the blonde lad in tow for sure?"

...

Fine, maybe you had help most of the time, but that was hardly something anyone could hold against you! Much less this grandpa who had his own little helper down the ladder.

"That still counts!" you remarked, crossing your hands, but it didn't fool him.

Your humility earned you a hearty slap to the back, and while his impertinence to ridicule you aggravated you to no end. Alas, you dared not retaliate for the fear he would take it as an act of aggression. At least the tense atmosphere receded a bit, it was a good thing that you just so happen to have a great sense of humour!

"I no longer dream, but I was once a hunter too."

Your eyebrows rose as your voice took on a lighter tone, "You were?"

The seconds ticked by, his lips formed into a straight line and there appeared to be a swirl of memories behind his one healthy eye, "Forgive me, you don't have to tell me."

Your head tipped and anxiety reared its way back. The man stood like a statue and continued to stare at a point beyond your head. Almost as if your arm had a head of its own, it reached out, against your better judgement, and settled on his shoulder.

Fast as lightning, he trapped your hand with his own. Painfully, at first, until he realized you meant no harm and lessened his grip. Taking the leap, you rubbed it gently in hopes it would ground him to whatever distant place you have sent him to. You really wanted to be thrown off the tower, didn't you?

Fortunately, you seemed to have caught him so exemplary off guard that he did neither. Much to your disbelief, all tension faded from his cautious person so far he even put down his Stake Driver.

"There's nothing more horrible than a hunt. In case you fail to realize, the things you hunt - they're not beasts, they're people. One day you will see."

His manly hand, covered by thick gloves that didn't diminish their roughness, pushed something small into yours. A badge. You looked up at him, dumbfounded. Why would he give you that? Wait, why was he saying his goodbyes?

"Thank you...?" you said slowly, sincerely confused.

"The name's Djura, retired hunter."

The man has a name!

"Thank you, Djura," you tested out his name, "but why are you giving me this?"

"I have no use for it anyway."

You stubbornly wanted to stay, surely he understood that. Dismissive as he tried to be, you wouldn't budge on getting the reason out of him. At this point, for some weird reason, you trusted he had no intention of getting rid of you.

Djura didn't, however, have any further reason to indulge your company as of now.

"What is it? Surely I need not repeat myself. Go I say. You have the whole night to dream, make the best of it."

Taking the loss, you did as he asked, and begrudgingly made your way down the ladder, one foot at a time. You were so wrapped up in your head that you hadn't even noticed that somebody was following you until the person actually made himself known by pulling at your dirty coat. Turning rapidly, your first thought was to lash out in fear of danger, but a strong arm pushed something into your clothed chest.

Getting ahold of yourself, you realized you had been moments away from harming Djura's helper. Your blood pressure skyrocketed after the horrifying thought. After a tense moment and a slow look down, you realised why he had chased after you. He just wanted to give you back your lost Top Hat.

You swallowed thickly, "Thank you."

He nodded, and you expected nothing more than that until...

"You're not so bad."

You must have heard wrong, but by the time you turned around, he was already gone. Like a ghost. You shrugged, it didn't matter anyways, but the same couldn't be said about the pleasant feeling that settled in your stomach. It was curious, the many ways the human mind worked. By the time you were at the nearest lamp, you had not once thought about your friend's death at all.

Perhaps there were still some good things left in Yharnam after all.

[missmyloko]

Getting To Know Me - Part 8

On The Third Day of Fun I present... the continuation to the last piece! Sorry if it feels like a bit of a Debbie Downer subject, but I'm really passionate about the subject and wanted to use my platform to get it all out so that others feel like they aren't alone. Continued from Part 1 I still attended school throughout all of this. However, it was around this time that just having drop in appointments with a psychiatrist like, once every 6 months at my doctor's office was going to fly anymore, so I was referred to a psychiatrist at our hospital's outpatient clinic who could look after my medication full time. The wait time at that time was 14 months, and I waited. Thankfully, it was worth it in the end. I had someone who could balance my medications, figure out why I went through them so quickly, and I could see them as often as I needed. On average I was running through an entire course of a medication (ie: from its lowest to its highest dose) in about a year, and that's unusually high. Well, it turns out I wasn't hyper-metabolizing them, but rather hypo-metabolizing them; My medication, once ingested, wasn't done running its course through my body before I took the next dose, so I was actually (unknowingly) over medicating myself. To combat this I now take my major medications every 36 hours so that they have time to work through my body and stop the over medicating (low dose medications that act as augmenters are taken every day though). It was during university that I had my first major depressive episode (that I medically knew of, I probably had them before but just didn't know), which is a time where my depression is just kicking my ass beyond normal reasoning and, because of this, I actually ended up flunking a few of my courses. I had to petition the dean to drop the courses from my record to due health reasons, which was accompanied by a letter and documentation from my psychiatrist stating what was going on and that it wasn't my fault. I ended up having 2 of them during my 6 years of university, so I had to petition twice. While in school I did receive special accommodations from the student wellness center regarding exams and assignments and such, which is a fantastic resource that anyone with mental health issues should take advantage of at their schools, and that definitely helped make life easier during those trying times (heck, it helped even when I was feeling decent). Near the end of my university tenure my psychiatrist and I actually managed to find a medication that really worked for me. I was feeling great, my symptoms were under control, and I was feeling like myself for the first time in a long time. However, it was another medication that no one told me right away would cause weight gain and, since we had now figured out how to make medications last, I was on it for a few years. I only ended up going off the medication 4 years ago, but by that time I had ballooned to over 200lbs (I believe I was around 230ish). Unlike the last time, the weight didn't come off as I had developed thyroid issues (they sadly run in my family on both sides), so I was now a depressed again, overweight wad who had gone past the point of being able to do what I loved: wear kimono. It's ironic that I was in the process of publishing a book about something I could no longer wear, but that's life for you. However, not everything ends badly (heck, there's positives, or else I wouldn't be here telling this tale!). Within the last year I finally have a concrete date set for my book to come out (June 28th, 2024!), I've lost exactly 49lbs since going on Ozempic (and diet changes) and can wear kimono again (yay!), and I'm working with my psychiatrist, who is awesome by the way, on changing my medications to make them work for me by understanding exactly what they do and their side effects beforehand. So, hopefully my tale has opened up some feelings inside of you to know that you're not in this alone, it happens to everyone, it does suck, but it does get better.

[fandom-with-no-hope]

A trigun fanfic written by my beloved wife.

Warning: Spoilers for Trigun

Just a silly fic I inspired her to write when we talked about the fact that everyone Vash loves would die before he does.

_____________________________________________

Again.

Alone again.

You would think that being alive for such a long time would have make it easier, to accommodate to loneliness, but sadly, he was nowhere near the relief of the calm.

The silence resonates through his head, through his heart, and as he walks in the sand, the only things that keeps him grounded are the gun resting on his hip and the cross in his back, the only remnant of his beloved.

It all felt quite strange, how he got used to lives thriving, dancing around him, and acting like he was one of them. But now, the only feeling echoing in his heart is one of a hole, absorbing and consuming any hopes or joy he could’ve had.

It all felt surreal, how such a beautiful journey, such beautiful beings came to an end so abruptly.

Again.

This isn’t like this was the first time, he had to walk alone, or stand there, but now, it all felt different.

Like something was missing.

And he knew very well what that something was, he always knew, since he met them, since he met him, he always knew that he would never feel the same as he ever did.

And still, despite knowing that, he threw himself into it, into all of it, because there was no other way to fulfill his wish, Rem’s wish, and to live his life to the fullest.

But did it have to hurt this bad to live his life this way?

Wasn’t this enough?

He promised her to live her life to the fullest, but at what point was this considered enough? How much did he have to live, to love, to loose and to dream about to be considered done?

As he walks, he wondered if any other being could relate to the feelings he had to bear, all consuming and all overwhelming, but nevertheless his.

What will he do now?

He didn’t even question himself about it, because for him, the present, the past or the future, all of that seemed strange, like all notions of time were never real.

But he knows, that once, he used to know this, used to know this notions by heart, and play wih them as he pleased.

He lived his life from day to day, savored every minute, every second he spent, engraving them in his memories, keeping record of all the things he did, had done, does or will do just in case, one day, he had to leave it all.

And there he was, alone.

He hadn’t left anything.

He stayed right there.

He did everything, loved every second he spent on this planet, every second he spent with them, with him. He didn’t want to leave anything behind, he was ready to stay, right here and there, not to move an inch, if it meant having one more second, one more day.

But despite all his efforts, everything seemed to slowly fade away, like sand falling through his hands, inevitable.

Even if it meant watching him drift away, get older without him, it was okay as long as they did everything together.

But no, he had to be left alone, abruptly, again.

From the moment he drifted away from him, the joy, the desire to live, it all seemed shut down, evaporated, like a fire blown away.

So there he was, walking, alone under the vibrant sun, and even though he had been walking like this for hours, days, years, nothing seemed to hurt as bad as what he had felt that day.

Years after years, the world changes, it doesn’t wait for you to move on, to keep going, it changes without a sign, without a warning and as he stood there, with only the remnants of the memories of the love of his life being the memories and that cross, he decided to straiten up and look at the sky. And right in front of him, like it knew what happened, his moon was right in front of him, full.

Ha.

You’re here my dear.

He then went on to put down the cross, his cross, and closed his eyes, his entire body turned to his moon.

Your smile is still as bright as ever dear.

And then, it hit him, he realized it.

With a low chuckle, he whipped away the tears falling down as the realization struck him.

He was never alone, they were right here, by his side, as they always were and as they always will be, no matter where or when, or how.

He will never be alone again, as long as he remembers everything, as long as he remembers them, as long as he remembers him and the time they spent together.

Opening up his eyes, he smiled at his moon one last time, and sighed as if his burden was finally released closing his eyes for the last time.

A soft humming come out from his lips, soft and calm, and as the roots began to spread from him he realized he finally achieved what he hoped to be for mankind for the first time.

This night, a tree took root in the unforgiving sand of No Man’s land, as big as the biggest skyscraper from July, and allowed others smaller plants, flowers to bloom around him, except for one place, the one where a cross was planted, standing next to the tree, fierce and strong.

[letterstobojack]

IT GETS EASIER.... it really does.

Hey Boj,

Hehe,well anyways my whole life I've dealt with depression,alcoholic/abusive mother,suicidal thoughts/self harm,in and out of foster care,and just horrible family and "friends" around me. I dealt with a negative mindset or" rain cloud" over my head & heart which made me emotionally numb to care about myself and others,just hating myself the most. I got into my dads custody around 15 after my mom abandoned me(while we were living in a halfway house and shelter that we eneded up in because of her addiction)at 14 just few weeks shy of my birthday,which put me in foster care for the 3rd time,my dad smokes pot so he had to drop pot for a full year right then and there till he got full custody of me. I love my dad hes just very narcissistic,and abusive when hes angry which is a lot, but hes sadly all I have left. I was still depressed,I was diagnosed with PTSD from everything I endured with my mother,btw I've been diagnosed with adhd,depression,panic and anxiety attacks, and in therapy since I was 5yrs old. So I already had a track record with my mental health and now I had literal abandonment issues. I started to self harm I didnt want to live,I felt that I wasnt worth it,anyways fast forward a year into being with my dad we had to move cause the people we rented from lost their house to gambling issues,so we saved up money n left, but while were between places I'm working my hardest to graduate early which i did so we didnt have a reason to come back a whole county over every day. After we finally moved in and I graduated I had an online friend recommend ur show to me,I almost clicked off after the first epsiode not gonna lie,but I stuck thru it because if people just left after the first time with me they wouldn't get to know me or even be in my life. I stuck through it,had just turned 18 I didnt work for the first 6 months of being 18 through out those 6 months I watched all the 4 seasons that were currently out over and over all day, everyday. Why?cause I fell in love with ur show,and needed to understand it more,I didnt understand some episodes till like the 10th time watching. In the words of Wanda"some things take time". I related to you so much,bojack,from unloving,neglectful parents to just wanting to be something and people to like you even in your self destructive behavior. Feeling nothing on the inside or nothing on the outside. When you started you're brand new attitude or BNA, it really inspired me,but it really hit me when you went back to look for CuddlyWhiskers. When he said " takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are, and even longer that it doesnt have to be that way. Only after you give up everything can you begin to find a way to be happy." . That really hit me hard,its like a flip switched in my body,I seen things on the other side of the glass for once. I "woke up" sorta.... I realized i am more than my sadness or pain. I smoked a lot of pot and eventually went cold turkey and sober from everything. I wanted to find myself,care for myself, care about me the way I so sadly craved for others to care about me. I started my BNA. I wanted this for me and only me,cause I'm the only one that needed to matter in my world not others. Call me selfish but for the first time in my life I was happy. It took so long for me to truly see how miserable I was,and longer to see the option was always there for me to flip the script.  Thank you so much,ik in life we naturally grow in our minds,but I dont think without ur show I wouldn't of clicked so soon or at all to be honest. I didnt think there was someone or anyone who could see things how I did or do. Let alone a talking horse who stands on his own 2 legs and stars in his own movie with a on and off cat gf/agent in the town of Hollywoo. Thank you for being real,raw,and such a genuine display of emotions,nothing was sugar coated things were hit head on. I dont self harm anymore,I rarely have any anxiety or panic attacks,I'm definitely not depressed anymore, I somehow see the cup half empty n half full at the same time. I guess it keeps me sane knowing theres bad and good,and that those options are there and you have to make the beat of which ever you are handed with. Thank you Bojack Horseman,Princess Carolyn,Todd Chavez,Sarah Lynn,Diane Nguyen,even ....ugh Mr.Peanutbutter *face palm*. You all made this show amazing,and this show made my life easier and understandable for the first time. This show did something for me that Doctors, Therapists, prescriptions,religion, family,friends, the system never did for me. This show helped me and most importantly showed me to help myself. Thank you so much!!!! I can not even begin to explain my gratitude for this show and the characters lasting effect on my heart. You saved me from the tar I let myself fall into. I was able to see that light at the end of the tunnel. I've shared what I learned with others and saved some friends IRL and online from the tar that effects us in life. I'm not saying I have all the answers but I sure know that life will not always be this way and that there is hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if u have to crawl ur way there and leave some people behind cause those things and people will thrash  and struggle and try to take you down with them. You have to find ur way up from whatevers putting you down. See things from the other side. Not many people know it doesnt have to be this way even if that sounds easy it's really not,but knowing it can be helps and those around you willing to help really helps. Thank you for being there for me,thank you for showing me you can do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around,cause that's what it's all about. 😭 I CAN NOT THANK YOU ENOUGH THE ENDING BREAKS MY HEART BUT IT BRINGS IT BACK TOGETHER IN A WHOLE NEW WAY.IM HAPPY SEEING ALL OF YOU HAVE A POSITIVE ENDING A TURN AROUND OR TURNING YOURSELF AROUND 😂💕 THANK YOU BOJ, I WILL MISS YOU DEARLY BUT WILL ALWAYS CARRY WHAT YOU TAUGHT ME

LOVE,SOPHIA DEMARTINO OF FULLERTON,CALIFORNIA,USA. 

THANK YOU SO MUCH💕💕💕💕💕 

P.S. thank you,again,obviously.... 

[simontalbot]

Toronto -> New York Trip - Day 1 (14 October ‘23)

IT'S BACK!! The long awaited and highly anticipated return of my travel blog - after a few fallow years thanks to Covid. It's full of incredible insights about the places, people and cultures we encounter on our travels. My thousands of followers will be so pleased...

Nah not really.

It's just a bunch of poorly taken photos (except Kirstie's that I steal) and a brief account of what we've been up to. Mostly for Mums, Dads and anyone seriously bored enough to take a look (Hi Mum and Dad!). It is also a nice little record to look back on from time to time or refer people to if they are planning to go to any of the same places. So here goes...

We made it to TORONTO. For this trip we start in Toronto and end in New York with a combination of buses, trains and cars in between - but mostly a road trip either side of the border. I am visiting my 40th country in my 40th year, I can't help but love the congruity.

We got in to Toronto just after lunch, sailed through the airport (super smooth, but sadly no passport stamp!), took the train and subway to Danforth, a suburb just east of downtown Toronto. After a few blue-dot-google-map mishaps, we found our Air BnB. It is in a pretty sweet residential area with lots of small houses, many of which are decked out in Halloween decorations.

After a quick freshen up (and power nap) we took the subway downtown. The subway system is really straightforward with only a couple of lines and there is a really good streetcar (tram) system overground. It is all tap on tap off with Apple pay/contactless cards which couldn't be easier.

We walked from Union station along to the CN tower. At 553 metres high it was the tallest structure in the world for many years, but it has now slipped to 10th place. We thought we would save going up the tower for another day. We passed by the aquarium, Rogers Centre (Baseball stadium) and the Railway museum and headed to the nearest streetcar stop to take us uptown. We jumped off at 'Graffiti Alley' to take a look around. It wasn't quite Hosier Lane in Melbourne, but there is much more street art in Toronto to take a look at later on. There was, however, a photo shoot happening of a swanky Ferrari in front of some of the graffiti, which had a very apt license plate 'LOFUNDS' (show off)...

After checking out the graffiti, we headed a few blocks further up to Chinatown for some dinner. We opted for a place with great reviews, 'Wok Theory'. It was full of Chinese customers, it sold XiaoLongBao (my absolute favourite food - soup dumplings) and it was nearby. It did not disappoint. The server was really interested in where we were from and giving us advice of what to do in Toronto which was nice. Aside from the food being excellent, the place was immaculately clean, and we were able to just sit for a minute and do some planning.

We moved on and took a stroll along Queen Street West, which was a hive of activity with people getting into the Saturday night spirit. With Cannabis very much legal and very much accessible in Canada, it was clearly popular with many night time revellers as we walked past various groups of people.

Kirstie and I were definitely not in the Saturday night spirit after a long day of travelling and were ready to head back for a sleep. We jumped on the subway and headed back to Danforth and popped in a supermarket to pick up a few bits for breakfast on the way.

We have three full days in Toronto to come (including a day at Niagara) so there was no need to rush!

Welcome to Toronto!

Choo choo! Toronto Subway.

CN Tower. Soz babes, I’ve seen bigger.

A little snapshot of Toronto. One of my shit pictures…

‘Graffiti Alley’. An alley with Graffiti. Toronto is literal.

More graffiti…

Dinner. Straightforward but delicious. Xiaolongbao (at bottom) Lovely.

CN tower and downtown Toronto by night…

Halloween in our neighbourhood…

Halloween in our neighbourhood 2

[yosefkarga]

Swear to God every time I think I'll take a break from bullying you, you end up saying some shit so dumb that I can't help myself.

So: I haven't been engaging for a while, but you didn't seem to get the memo. Meaning I had to clarify, which I did.

It's also pretty obvious that you regularly check my blog, which, admittedly, is flattering in a way. No need to be shy about it, if I didn't want you to I could always block you. But it is fun to see you trying to write in a witty and sophisticated way. Makes me feel better about my own bad writing.

Now let me address your bullshit since you're begging me to: where did I say the IOF killed 250 a day "for 250 days"? I guess it's easy to put words in people's mouths when they aren't present to put their fist in yours.

My number is sourced from Oxfam, on January 11th of this year. I do know that the amount of confirmed killings/day has diminished since then (I'll get back to that later). But as you yourself have stated, the "we will outlive them"-slogan was already in use then. Meaning my point stands, regardless of your hair-splitting.

So once again, you decide to understand my words in the way that suits you most. That's okay though, since I now know that you're part of my audience, I'll be sure to idiot-proof my future posts, you know, to be inclusive.

Oh and if I can't trust the Gazan ministry of health, I really don't see how the Associated Press is a valid source.

On another note, every war (look I'm being nice and using a word that doesn't make you piss yourself!) has a large amount of deaths that only get recorded a long time, sometimes years after the end of hostilities. Especially when one side systematically destroys the healthcare system of the other and regularly kills journalists and foreign aid workers.

The 36.000 are the confirmed deaths. I strongly doubt that the actual number is below 100.000, and history sadly only confirms that suspicion.

Oh btw about Israel's efficiency in genocide (which is your holocaust denier-type argument in case you still haven't caught on): it's easier to get away with it when you do it slowly and quietly. They decided to go loud recently and would you look at that: they're slowly but surely becoming a pariah state.

EDIT: I just reread that first post. Wtf were you trying to say with the TV channels? I don't think I've ever seen someone fail so hard at an analogy.

How old is the Jewish religion? How old is Islam? How old is “Palestine”? Which religion inhabited that area of the planet first?

You might want to learn what genocide actually is before posting the usual shite.

[works-of-fanfiction]

“He’s the Best.” - 90s!Graham Coxon x Reader

Summary: Graham struggles with his self-esteem within the band and the reader tries to cheer him up.

Requested by: Anon. I hope you like this <3

Warnings: Swearing (literally once).

Word Count: 3.3k - a bit of a longer oneshot from me! I didn’t mean for it to be this long.

A/N: I’ve been writing this and putting it off for days because I just don’t know if I like it, but I don’t want to restart it. Argh… I hope someone enjoys this cheese fest.

* Gif credits to the linked creator

_______________

No one in this life is born ‘better’ than anybody else. It’s not a competition or a game of comparison. Every single human on this planet has their own unique qualities that make them interesting and most importantly, worthy. However, humans sadly aren’t wired to see those qualities in themselves. They spend the majority of their lives obsessing over others; wondering if they’re as talented as the next man, or if they’ll ever look as good as whatshername. Sometimes, it gets to a point where even the deepest of friendships can become strained due to one or more parties comparing themselves to another’s achievements.

And seeing Graham go through exactly that, has been killing me. There was a time when everything Graham and Damon did together, was truly that - together. Every single melody, riff, lyric - it was theirs. Neither one did more work than the other, neither was more musically talented. They were both kids crammed inside a Portakabin with their very first instruments, strumming and plucking and making probably rather bothersome noise. They had no idea what was to become of their lunchtime jam sessions and after school practices. Both were just excited to have a friend that liked the same things as them, and enjoyed the noise the other was making.

But Graham has since become a shadow of who he once was around Damon - he’s become Damon’s shadow. Or so he thinks.

Being in a band with a boisterous frontman like Damon was bound to become hard work for the other members at one point or another, but I never thought it would affect Graham like this. It’s getting harder to communicate with him, and I know it’s not his fault but I’m running out of things to say to fill the silences. There’s only so many times I can ask if he wants a cup of tea, or tell him about the encounter I had at the bus stop earlier that day. I’m sick of hearing my own voice, so I can’t imagine how he must feel. The silence seems to be the only thing he wants; he doesn’t write anymore, he hardly plays guitar outside of work commitments, and he hasn’t picked up his sketchbook in weeks. He just seems to stare at the TV or sit on the sofa with his head buried in a book that’s stuck on the first chapter. I watched him the other day and in forty-five minutes, he turned the page once. I bet if I asked him about the story he wouldn’t be able to recall a single character’s name, never mind the plot.

Watching him struggle with his self-esteem is crushing, and I don’t want him to live another second feeling the way he does. I know it may take a while for him to find himself again, but if I can do anything to help move things along, it’s worth a try. I’d drop everything for Graham in a heartbeat.

“I dropped those music stands off today. Did you get them?” Dave asks, his voice a little crackly on the other end of the phone.

“I did, thank you!” I chime, balancing the phone between my shoulder and ear as I assemble the very same stands.

“Oh, good. I was a little worried about leaving them outside. I thought somebody would take them… What do you need them for anyway?”

“That’s something for me to know and you to find out, Dave.” I laugh, tightening one last knob on the second stand and straightening it out. I stand back and admire my handy work, smiling at the prospect of what they are to become.

“Alright, alright. Well, I hope they come in handy! I’ll see you later.”

“Thanks again. See you next week!”

We both hang up and I grab the stands, climbing up the stairs and into the spare room, placing them in their desired places. Grabbing two pieces of sheet music, I slot them onto the stands neatly and adjust them until they’re perfect. With one last thing to check, I turn on the projector I borrowed from an old university friend and let the film play out on the blank wall opposite. I mess with the sound a little, making sure it’s loud enough before rewinding the footage to the beginning and turning it off until later.

Standing in the middle of the room, I turn around and admire everything on the walls. Everything from lyrics to old album art concepts, to still life paintings from Graham’s time at Goldsmith’s. Beside the music stands, there’s crates filled with records, decorated with lyrics scribbled onto scraps of paper, some in Graham’s handwriting and others in mine. I of course, couldn’t resist writing them out in various colours and covering them in star-shaped stickers. The finishing touch is a large beanbag against the wall for us to sit and watch the projector from. I fluff up the beanbag for the thousandth time before heading downstairs to wait for Graham to get back.

It takes around two hours for Graham to arrive home. As soon as I hear his taxi pull up outside, I jump up from the sofa and head into the kitchen to flick the kettle on. Nerves bubble through me as I anticipate his entry. It’s impossible to predict how Graham’s going to be feeling on any given day. He could come through the door and speak to me as normal, or he could disappear into his studio until he’s tired enough to head to bed. Through the rumbling of the kettle I listen out for the door, fingers impatiently tapping on the counter as my gaze fixates on a magpie outside, shakily balancing on the washing line. A second joins it and I smile, muscle memory taking over as I pour the boiled water into two cups, not taking my eyes off of the birds.

“Hi.” Graham’s voice peeps behind me. Putting the kettle down, I turn around with a warm smile on my face. Despite everything Graham has been going through, seeing him come through that door every day is still my favourite sight. Having him come home to me will simply never get old. I don’t know what I’ll do when he has to go out on tour again in a few months.

“Hey.” I breathe, the sides of my face already beginning to feel sore from the ridiculous grin stuck on it. He smiles back, the expression not quite reaching his eyes but I know he means well. He’s trying. “You go and sit down. I’ll bring these in.” I gesture to the brewing teas on the counter and he nods, hanging his bag on the nearest kitchen chair and leaving the room without another word. I finish the drinks as quickly as possible, grabbing the stack of takeaway menus from the junk drawer and bringing them with me, the pieces of paper clamped between my teeth as I concentrate on carrying the two steaming hot cups in my hands.

Setting the cups down on the coffee table, I toss the menus onto the sofa next to where Graham is very aggressively, trying to pull his Docs off. “Need a little help?” I ask, laughing as I kneel down and bat his hands out of the way. “It would help if you untied them.”

“It’s easier to leave them tied.”

“Oh, really?” I scoff, gesturing to his feet still stuck in the cherry red boots. The laces are a complete mess with three bulky knots in them. I sit down cross-legged on the carpet, carefully plucking and unravelling each knot whilst Graham buries his head in the takeaway menus. “How do you even - “ I struggle, pulling at the frayed shoelace whilst trying not to damage it further, “- get these things on?” With one last tug, the first lace loosens and I’m able to slide the boot off with ease. Graham’s face pops out from behind the menu, a side-smile plastered onto his lips and a cheeky glint in his eyes. I know he wants to laugh.

“Shall we get Indian tonight?” He changes the subject, flipping over the tatty piece of bright orange paper as he squints at the options. He always orders the same thing, yet still insists on reading the whole menu front to back. He does it for every restaurant.

“Indian sounds good.” I nod, pulling the second boot off and shoving them to the side. “I’ll call them now.” Jumping up to grab the phone, I type the number in from memory and hold it up to my ear.

“What’s the rush?” Graham mouths and I hush him when somebody answers. I order the usual along with some extras and give them our address, despite them not even really needing it anymore. The phone call is no longer than a minute and Graham sits staring at me, nose scrunched in confusion. “Are you going to tell me what’s going - “

“Follow me.” I blurt out, stretching my arm towards him and rising onto my tiptoes out of excitement. He stands slowly, shrugging off his jacket and leaving it on the sofa. “I was going to wait until we’d had our food, but I have to show you now.”

“Show me what?” He asks as I grab his wrist and drag him up the stairs. We squeeze up the narrow staircase, almost tripping each other over a couple times until we stop on the landing, feet overlapping one another’s on the small square of carpet.

“I know you haven’t really been yourself lately.” I start, my fingers slipping from Graham’s wrist to entwine with his. He looks down, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. His eyes watch our hands as I lightly stroke the back of his thumb in an attempt to relax him. He has a habit of tensing up whenever I broach the subject. “So I wanted to remind you just how great you are.”

I watch his face intently, the corners of his mouth twitching and trying to smile. With my free hand, I open the door and flick the light on, pulling Graham into the room with me. His hand slips from my grasp and I back up to stand against the wall, watching as he takes in the room around him and everything in it.

He walks to the music stands first, fingers tracing the notes on the pages, flipping them over then back again. He walks towards the canvas on the back wall - a woodland painting he’d won a prize for back in college - running his hand over the textured patch of paint that forms the trees. I nervously bite the back of my thumb as he kneels down to sift through the records in the large black case below, flicking through every Blur album and single released to this day. My favourite lyrics are scattered on sheets of paper all over the ground, and he picks up the second verse from Coffee & TV. “You’ve always loved this one.” He says, turning to me and smiling.

“I happen to really like the guy who sings it.”

“He must be pretty good then.”

“Oh, he’s the best.” Resting my foot against the wall, I kick my body forward and stand straight, joining Graham beside the projector.

“What’s this for?” He asks, hands hovering near the buttons but not daring to touch anything. I take his hands in mine and give them a loving squeeze.

“Sit down and I’ll show you.” I chirp and he sinks down onto the beanbag. I mess with the projector until the sound starts to creep in, stretching over to switch off the light. Graham shuffles to the side to make some room for me on the beanbag and I flop down beside him, nestling into his side.

The image from the projector is surprisingly clear against the wall, although could’ve been improved had I borrowed a screen from somewhere. A variety of different clips play out in front of us, ranging from Graham performing onstage to snippets of his band members talking and praising their guitarist. I try my hardest to focus on the film in front of me, but I can’t help glancing over at Graham to see his reactions. His brows are furrowed, but not necessarily in a bad way - he’s focused, fully concentrating on everything he’s seeing and hearing.

I fidget with my hands, twiddling my thumbs and quietly cracking my knuckles. Graham notices this and grabs my left hand, squeezing it tightly and bringing it over to rest in his lap. Laying my head on his shoulder, I press a kiss onto his sleeve, rubbing my head against him and breathing in his familiar scent. He lays his head on top of mine, but never looks away from the video playing on the wall. Absentmindedly, his fingertips dance on the back of my hand, the drumming following the beat of Song 2 as it plays from the projector. I too can’t help bopping along to the beat, my foot tapping softly on the carpet.

The video closes with one final clip, a message I recorded for Graham. Too embarrassed to watch myself, my focus stays on him as I squeeze his hand a little tighter and snuggle up as close as possible. The picture begins to fade and the sound plays out until there’s no footage left, and the whirring of the projector becomes background noise in the room. Graham doesn’t say anything at first, but as I try to stand to turn the projector off, he pulls me back down onto the beanbag and rotates his body to face mine.

“Hey.” I whisper, my right hand supporting his cheek as he leans into me, his eyes closed and lips pressed into a line. Our bodies slot into one another’s on the beanbag, the very little space between us growing warmer by the second.

Graham releases a deep breath, his eyes slowly opening again with a small smile spreading across his face. It’s hard to see him properly in the dimly lit room, but I could never mistake those big brown eyes staring at me. “I can’t believe you did all of this for me.” He says, his voice low as he leans in close to speak like we’re the only two people who matter inside a crowded room.

“I wanted to show you how incredible you are. You’ve been so hard on yourself and I just - “ As I speak, tears start to well up in my eyes and I look up to the ceiling to try and stop them from falling. I’d already told myself earlier that I wouldn’t cry, because I don’t want Graham to think he’s upset me. I press at my eyes lightly with my fingertips in an attempt to push the tears away. “I can’t stand seeing you this way because you don’t deserve to feel like this. If it wasn’t for you, Blur wouldn’t exist! Everything you’ve all achieved wouldn’t have happened.” My voice begins to shake and I feel Graham’s hand on my arm, rubbing it gently to try and calm me down.

“Y/N.” He starts, before reaching up to turn on the light. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust, before my gaze falls to the ground to avoid his. If I look at him properly, I know I’ll start bawling. “Look at me. Please.”

“I can’t. I can’t because I’ll cry, and then you’ll get upset and I don’t want to make you feel any worse than wha - “

“You won’t upset me. Y/N, I’m sorry I’ve - “

“No, Graham. Don’t apologise.” I grip onto his shirt tightly, my fingers tangling in the fabric. Graham bows his head and nudges it against mine, edging closer until he pushes my head up with his and our noses are almost touching. We both open our eyes, our faces too close that my vision is distorted and I’m seeing double. I pull back, sniffling once and dabbing at my eyes again, still not allowing any tears to actually emerge.

“I’m sorry,“ he starts and I sigh at his words, but he hushes me by holding his finger up to my face, “for putting you through this. I was so caught up in my own head that I didn’t realise how it was making you feel.”

“Graham, this isn’t about me.”

“But it affects you. Bloody hell, if I had to live with this miserable twat - “ he points to himself and I scoff, slapping the back of his hand playfully. “ - I’d have given up by now.”

“I would never give up on you.” My voice is barely above a whisper, the lump in my throat making it difficult to speak. Graham goes silent again, staring down at our joined hands and moving his thumbs around. I nudge his head with mine in the same way he did previously and he sniffles, his chest rising and immediately falling again. “Graham?” I bring my hand to his chin and push his face up to find his eyes watery, and cheeks significantly more red compared to a moment ago.

“God, look at me. What the hell are you still doing with me, ay? I’m a bleeding mess.” He sniffs, roughly wiping tears off of his cheeks with the backs of his hands.

“Because I wouldn’t want to be with anybody else.”

“Not even - “

“Ah! Stop right there. There’ll be no more of that.” I take his hands away from his face, holding onto them loosely. “Graham Coxon, you are the best thing to ever happen to me. And I’ll give you a free pass to slap me silly for being so cheesy.” I laugh, his grip on my hands tightening as he awkwardly slides closer on the beanbag, his body sinking into it at a strange angle and pulling me with him. “I love you.”

Within a second, Graham’s hands are on both sides of my face, pulling me in for a kiss; the kind of kiss that feels like the person is pouring their entire heart out to you. Like the kiss between the main characters of a movie, when they’ve just ran across a field or a busy road to collide with another at the centre. His lips messily press against mine and I can feel the stray tears running down his face as they dampen my cheeks. My hands rest on his legs, holding on firmly as his thumbs dig into my face a little. It doesn’t hurt, but he soon pulls away and swipes at my face softly as if to apologise for it. He uses his sleeve to dry my face and I do the same for him, small gasps of laughter exchanging between us.

“Thank you for doing this. If you can’t tell, I really love it.” He says sincerely with a genuine smile, the biggest smile I’ve seen from him in weeks. The expression is infectious and I can’t help mimicking him as I grin back like the Cheshire Cat. The faint sound of knocking from downstairs pulls us out of our romance film-esque daydream and we both clamber to our feet.

As we approach the stairs, Graham stops and spins me around, pulling me into him. I land against his chest with a huff, before adjusting my hair and looking up at him. “After we eat, can you show me the film again?” He asks, his hand meeting mine to help me fix the loose hairs falling in my eyes.

“We can watch it as many times as you like.”

[apixrl]

YOUR EREN.

eren jeager x fem!reader

WARNING(S): angst. slight manipulation. s4 spoilers. brief mentions of (but not actually) throwing up at the end.

word count: 5.9k

song: a soulmate who wasn't meant to be // jess benko

note(s): oh, that sound? it's just the sound of my tears whilst writing this oneshot. no biggie

The prison cells underneath headquarters were as dark and dreary as ever as you stood opposite them. Whilst the windows were generously large, the night sky was not so giving. Clouds were gloomy and blocked out the moon and stars, replacing it with a heavy downpour of rain. If you listened closely, you could pick up on the faint 'pitter patter' as droplets met the pebbled ground outside, the sound comforting compared to the echoing silence within the walls. Mattresses were placed in the corners of each cell, old and tattered after years of use by many different faces. You could only imagine their discomfort as you'd never been required to sleep on them, your record in the Scout Regiment practically a clean slate after your years of service. You were someone who took your position as a soldier seriously; respected your superiors and did as told when told.

As for Eren Jeager? It seemed in recent events he was past the point of caring.

Such a fact was blatant as you stared at him through the prison bars, your back pressed against the wall, body stiff and fearful of what would happen if you tried to step closer. Eren's gaze was terrifying to witness even from the odd angle you stared at him. His eyes locked on the ceiling as he lay flat on his back on the bed of his cell. His hair had been pulled back into a messy bun, some strands not long enough to reach so far back were fated to live a life of their own. They glued to his temples and forehead and even entwined with the strands pulled back. You couldn't decide if the look was flattering or not.

"I...," You blurted out without thought of what you planned to actually say, your pathetic attempt at making conversation followed up with a nervous whimper. Eren barely inched a muscle when you broke the quiet, from his eyes to his hands that lay lifeless at his side. He remained laid down as if you weren't even there. That made your heart weep in the worst of ways and your mind qualm - to think the last time you were together he was holding you in his arms as you gazed under the stars. And now he could barely spare you a second glance.

"It's been a while since you were last cooped up in one of these cells," You eventually tried again, calming yourself down as best you could by trying to be light-hearted. "Remember when we would play cards through the bars when I could visit? Those were fun times," You smiled sadly at the memories, eyes drifting away from Eren and towards nothing in particular. The smile then faded, the yearn to experience easier days once more hitting you as hard as stone. "If only we could experience them again,"

Your tone lowered, left unhinged since you knew mourning for what was no more was a waste of time. But you couldn't help yourself. All you wanted was to live in the past, where the titans were slane and the Scouts had reached the sea. All you wanted was to live out your days with your friends, talk and laugh with no need to worry about the rest of the world. All you wanted was to fall into Eren's embrace, to love him with all your might as he did you. There was a short period where that was your life, one filled with simplicity and peace after years of blood and death and gore that haunted your every nightmare. It had been pleasant, and you missed it. More than you were willing to admit.

If only Eren hadn't pushed things too far.

Eren's eyes shifted after a prolonged silence, travelling from the ceiling to you across the way. He was quick to take note of your vacancy, your conflict as you stared at him. How you created your own form of a jail cell by restricting yourself to the opposite side of the room. Maintaining a safe distance like you sensed you would get hurt stepping too far. Eren sighed loudly at that fact. Which caught your attention, E/C eyes flicking back to him at the sound. Eren pushed himself upright, eyes leaving you to stare at the floor before he hoisted himself off of the bed. Then, he turned to face you, searching for you through the wisps of his unkempt fringe.

You held your breath when he did, unable to fathom just how uncomfortable his gaze made you feel. Typically, Eren looking your way would send butterflies to your stomach. Your heart would perform somersaults and beat soundly with joy. Your cheeks would heat up, to which he would smile and tease and call it cute - merely deepening your flustered state like it was some fun game.

But this time, upon him meeting your gaze, nausea swiftly followed after. Rising concern over unconditional love based on his expression alone. It was empty. Unreadable. Nothing you had ever seen him display before. You had witnessed most if not all his worst moments up front but none of them - none of them, came close to just how desolately devoid he looked in that moment.

His lips didn't twitch, firmly held together as they added to his glaring aura. His brows arched sterner than Captain Levi's when you failed to clean a room up to standards, you didn't think it was possible for them to be so closely knit. But the worst part that made you truly sick to the stomach at the unfamiliarity of it all, were his eyes. Their usual bright and gleaming jade green blend that had entranced you from the instant you met Eren were now bleaker and more stationary than ever. They no longer held a zest and determination that motivated you to fight another day, no notable twinkle against the dimly lit room. Only a barren vacancy the most broken are succumbed to display.

You felt the need to comment on it, communicate to Eren just how worried you were. That you wanted to help him because you cared about him more than anyone else in the entire world. You were willing to lay your life down for him, and had even nearly become an anonymous number in the ranks because of that sheer will alone. However, before you had the chance to open your mouth, Eren beat you to it.

"Did Hange send you down here to try and sway me?" Eren asked half-rhetorically, taking a couple of steps forwards until the bars of his cell stopped him. "You of all people should know you can't stop me, so why even bother?"

You were taken back by his bluntness, even more so by his disregard for your previous words. Like you had never said them in the first place and he was the one initiating conversation. Perhaps it was so Eren felt he had the control, asserting dominance in a relationship where he already held more than half of it. His aim was unclear, but you persisted nonetheless.

"No, they didn't," You said. "I came here on my own accord, Eren," You shrugged your shoulders aimlessly. "I wanted to see you. I-I've missed you," Eren's eyes narrowed in suspicion, studying your frame for any sign indicating you were lying. He came out with no clear answer as from the instant you had set foot in the room you'd been shaking like a lamb bleating after its mother. Afraid. His arms crossed over his broad chest still in doubt, the action reminding you just how much he'd changed over the last few years. He was taller, looming over you even whilst feet apart. He was no doubt stronger, evident with or without the fact he held the power of three titans within him. Eren was no longer the vigorous and unruly boy he once was, who devoted his strength to rid the world of all the titans. He was now an indestructible force that vouched for freedom, his will to fight unshaken by no one.

"If you missed me so much," He started, looking down at you with what only felt like shame. "What took you so long to visit?" Raising a brow, you realised he held a point with his inquiry. If you proposed you missed him why hadn't you visited? The truth was you were scared of who you would find on the other side when you did. Levi and Hange had given you the option since the first day Eren was placed in his cell. But no matter the undying need to have Eren in your line of sights again, you failed to find the courage to make that final step.

"I wanted to, I-I really did," You said in a panic. "I was just scared! I didn't know what to say or how to speak to you after... after...,"

"After what?" Eren reprimanded, glowering at you as his hands wrapped around the iron bars. Your eyes widened and you whimpered, shaking your head frantically as a means to apologise.

"N-No Eren. I didn't mean it like that I just -," You swallowed thickly, your breathing quickening as Eren's pressing stare intimidated you more and more by the second. You hated how much you were falling apart. Where had your Eren gone?! Your Eren who always fretted over you during and after battles. Your Eren who grew antsy at Jean or Connie if they got a little too comfortable in your company. Your Eren who snuck into your room past curfew to share stories of his life late into the night. Your Eren who crammed his lips on yours when he couldn't hide his feelings any longer, confirming your relationship would turn from friendship to deepened love. You missed your Eren. You wanted your Eren back. Was that so much to ask?!

"You just what?" He spoke harshly, impatience riddled within every letter and syllable. You were quick to notice his grip on the bars tighten to the point you thought he'd snap them clean in two.

"I...," You trailed off, finishing your cut sentence with a defeated sigh. Your hands lowered to your sides as your head hung forwards. Perhaps being upfront with him was the only way you could go. "You killed people, Eren. Innocent people that hadn't done anything wrong! You ate somebody. Women, men and children crushed under debris like they were nothing. Y-You... you made Armin destroy that port and your decision making got Sasha killed!" You brought a hand to your forehead, not realising how distressed you sounded as you recalled that night. Tears started forming in your eyes, lip trembling. "Shit! I nearly... if Jean hadn't shot that Marley soldier first then I would've...,"

You had experienced a rocky start during the raid on Marley. One of your biggest flaws as a soldier was your will to take another life. Life as in... a human life. You despised the concept and did everything in your power to avoid it all costs, even if your fellow soldiers disagreed (especially Levi's, who persisted humans could be just as bad as titans when it came to killing). That exact flaw came forth when you first encountered a Marleyan soldier, and your hesitation almost ended with a bullet between your eyes. Had Jean not been behind you just in time... your grave would have been undoubtedly determined. There was a time where Eren was the same as you, never wanting to act and inflict harm on other humans. But times had changed since then. Oh, how you hated how much it had changed since then. None of it was fair.

A silence ensued, your stifled sobs the only thing willing to break it. Eren watched you motionlessly, the glare still apparent on his face as your emotions got the better of you. You hadn't realised just how shaken up you were from what happened. Sure, you had faced death many times, but always at the hand of titans. Where you had to evade giant swooshing limbs and teeth that could churn your flesh as cows do cud. Never had you looked another human in the eye and watched them contemplate killing you. To aim a gun directly your way and prep the shot as you realised what their intentions were. Then a feeble attempt to escape approaching death, all too distracted with your life flashing before your eyes for you to see the way out. That was one of the scariest moments of your life. You never wanted to endure it again. Never.

"Come here,"

You stiffened up, looking at Eren amidst dishevelled strands of H/C hair falling over your face. His glare had left and his face had returned to its neutral state, his eyes boring into you with his demand lingering in the air. You wiped your nose on your sleeve as well as your eyes, confused by the abrupt change in atmosphere. A truly weird circumstance and turn of events you weren't expecting indeed. At first, you weren't sure doing as Eren said was a smart idea, having heard Hange's experience with him during a debrief. You didn't believe Eren would treat you with the same sort of disrespect, but you also didn't want to take that risk just in case.

"B-But...,"

"Just do it," He roughly snapped, suspense in his tone kicking you up the hind to move. With a yelp, you pushed yourself off of the wall - back sighing out in bliss after starting to ache because of the uneven rocky surface. You gingerly stepped towards Eren, biting down on your lip to stop it trembling in fright. You came to a stop once close enough to the iron bars, hands going to wrap themselves around them, around the same ones as Eren. Whether you intended for that or it was just subconscious instinct you didn't know. Finally, your eyes dropped to the floor, lost on where to focus. Eren hummed a complacent sigh at your actions, head tilting to the side as he looked you up and down. You couldn't find an answer to what was running through his mind, blank gaze concealing all form of emotion and clarity. Then, just as you thought the silence couldn't grow any more powerful, Eren lifted his hand and reached out for you.

You gasped at the sudden contact, the feeling of Eren's hand cupping your face sending all sorts of sensations through you. His palm was warm despite the cool air of the prison cell. It was as though his hand was constructed to cradle your cheek, moulded into the perfect structure to which you filled in the empty spaces. His hand felt soft even after years of wear and tear of fighting and training, fingers long but not at all discomforting. You had forgotten just how pleasant the feel of Eren's thumb across your cheekbone was until he initiated the motion, almost a way to lure you in. And with your deprivation of his touch - of him. That was enough to have you wrapped around his finger.

"I forgot how nice it was to hold you like this," Eren declared monotonously, though his expression betrayed his lack of care. Something about it had calmed, but he didn't allow it to stay for long, gone so fast that if you blinked you would have missed it. You inhaled deeply, head tilting to the side as you nuzzled into his hand. Seeming satisfied with that, Eren proceeded. "That and just how easily you melt under my touch,"

"Eren," You uttered no louder than a whisper, eyes closing tight as you welcomed his touch. You despised how much he was correct, that you became putty without him even needing to try. That was the impact of love, after all, it makes people act in crazy ways and do some incredibly crazy things. But you couldn't ignore the odd funny feeling still pitting your gut, begging you to stop falling to Eren's will before it was too late. You couldn't get carried away, he had committed obscene criminal acts without jurisdiction. That was more than enough to get him locked up for life, regardless of the war you were fighting. You should be disgusted by his actions, his corrupted thinking and the way he went behind the Military's backs to further his own idea of freedom. You were disgusted.

But you also loved him. Way, way more than you were disgusted.

A frown merged onto your face, blending awkwardly with the once peaceful content that Eren noticed as fast as it appeared. He managed to figure out the thoughts running through your mind also, the young adult lamenting a sigh and he opened his mouth to speak. Not before his hand drifted down to your chin, tilting your head up to make you look at him. His thumb planted on your bottom lip as he grazed over it.

"I'm trying to build a future for Eldia, Y/N," Eren spoke firmly, your heart having a brief elation to the way he said your name. It had been far too long since you had heard him say it. "A future for us, where we can be free and live our lives the way we want to,"

"I know," You began, eyes opening to meet Eren's. "But there are other ways, Eren. More humane ways. We don't have to kill anymore if we just-,"

"There isn't another way," Eren interrupted, his ministrations of stroking your chin coming to an abrupt halt. "We've tried other ways and they haven't worked," Eren evaded your disheartened stare. "I'm sick of it not working,"

"We all are, Eren. Stop making out that you're the only victim here," You paid no mind to Eren's reaction. "We're all victims of this shitshow that's our reality, and we're all just as much the culprits of it as well! All w-we do is fight fire with fire and add more ashes to the pile with each person we slaughter," You felt your grip tighten on the bars, gritting your teeth harshly together. "I'm sick of all the violence and suffering! I just want to go back to the days when we could be at peace. Where we could laugh and joke because the main problem - the titans, were dealt with! I became a soldier to fight titans, not to embark on an endless war where both sides are human and neither is willing to cooperate with the other,"

"Those days are gone," Eren spoke sternly, though it softened up when he noticed you look away. "But they can return," He pressed his forehead against the iron bars, staring at you through deadened eyes. "We can live a life of freedom together once I finish what I started, all I need you to do is stay by my side and to have faith,"

Your eyes widened, gawking at Eren with complete and utter disbelief at his words. His persistence came off like the cruellest of sicknesses, corrupting Eren's mind to the point of insanity. His moral compass was in shambles as was his sense of humanity. The way his eyes were numbed right down to their pupils, blinded by his visions of a future for Eldia that came with the cost of the rest of the world's suffering. It pained you to witness such a change, to witness Eren's descent into madness as war took over his every thought and breath. Suddenly that foreign feeling in your stomach became clear as day, and you abhorred it with a deadly passion.

"I don't want to be free in a world built on other people's suffering," Your hands fell down to your sides, heartbeat racing as you avoided Eren's gaze. He quirked a brow, eyes piercing into you once he realised what you meant, and his chosen tone suggested he didn't like that one bit.

"What are you trying to say?"

You faltered, both as a mental brace and a state of refusal to your next actions. A second or so passed before you took a step back, creating a distance that did more damage than healing. With a shaky breath, you answered his question.

"I love you Eren, with everything I am. B-but I can't stand by your side if this is the path you're going to take," The tears were already brewing, doing everything you could to blink them away. "I won't sit by and watch the rest of the world crumble because of your selfish desires,"

You hated the words you were saying, how you said them and who you were saying them to. That it had all come to this, where Eren became the threat to humanity rather than its saviour. He only had so much time left and had you known that his way of spending it was to spiral the world into chaos - perhaps you wouldn't have grown so attached.

"I can't - I...," Since he hadn't said anything, you felt the urgency to speak. "Eren you have no idea how much I want to but this isn't how I saw our future -,"

"What future?" Eren persisted, not giving you a chance to reply. "Eldia has no future within the walls, these cages! It's time we give the world a taste of its own medicine, so what if a couple of lives are taken out on the way? It's not like they give a damn about ours," Eren scoffed when you shook your head, tears pricking at your eyes and the stinging sensation that came with it was painful to deal with.

"Please, Eren. Think about what you're saying," You pleaded and begged. But you knew it was no use, Eren too fixated on his 'destiny' to see logical reason. Merely the look in his eyes was proof enough to tell you that. "What happened to you? When did you become so heartless? Where's the Eren I knew all those years ago gone? Don't you miss it back then? When we weren't cheating death and we could simply be us? Be two dumb teens in love and the only thing that mattered was that love we shared? Do you even think about that anymore? About me? What about -,"

"Stop it," Eren stopped you, voice acting as a silencer to your blubbering drabble. Flinching at the interruption your mouth clamped shut, and your eyes darted for Eren in surprise. Despite locked behind bars, you were still terrified, and it felt more like you were the prisoner of the pair. With a low growl, Eren raised a clenched fist and thrashed it harshly against the bars. It made a low but loud 'thunk!' sound that hit your ears like impending doom, deafening all around you excluding that of Eren and the words he uttered next. "I'm sick of listening to you whine about shit that's not even important,"

"W-what?" You stammered in question, voice unsteady. "What do you mean it's not important?"

"Do you really think that amidst all of this I have time to be playing boyfriend?" Eren half-mocked. "I've got bigger priorities than you right now," He didn't look you in the eye, nostrils flared as his gaze lingered on the floor. Your legs nearly gave way at what you were hearing, each word a fatal stab to the stomach. Each stab even more malicious than the last. So that was it? You didn't matter anymore? Were you just some pawn in Eren's plan until he didn't feel he needed you anymore? Had his love ever been real or was it all a hoax to manipulate your every waking thought?

A minute passed of still silence, one of the many that evening. Your eyes never left Eren, searching for something to indicate he was joking. As well as contemplating pinching yourself in hopes you woke up from this horrible nightmare. Maybe you'd wake up in your Eren's arms, safe and secure as you lay beside him - his gentle breaths from deep sleep tickling the back of your neck and helping you forget the entire reason you woke up. But sadly, no such thing happened. You never woke up from anything but were instead left to face an Eren you barely knew anymore. Endure the pain as he pounded words into your head that gashed crueller than the worst of war wounds.

Realising this, you felt an urge to laugh, unsure what else there was you really could do. Crying was ineffective, and there was no way you could let Eren get the better of you. That's probably what he wanted anyway, for you to turn around and beg on your hands and knees. So as your hand met your face, you released the smallest of chuckles, lacking in humour but overwhelmed with an unforeseen emptiness. It definitely caught Eren by surprise, but he was fast to not hide it as he pressured that vacant stare onto you yet again.

"You insist your plan is the only way to get us our future, but I'm not even sure what future you mean anymore," You hesitated, trying to gain control of your lip which began to quiver erratically. "Clearly it's not the one we imagined together when we were younger,"

"If only you weren't so blinded by your emotions," Eren avoided your words, something you noticed and felt more agonised by than relieved. "Stop thinking with your feelings and see the logic, already. It's so annoying,"

Almost choking on the sob you tried to hold down, you bit down harshly on your lip - any harder and you probably would have drawn blood. You did everything you could to ignore Eren's words, but you were so hurt that you were losing the means to do so.

But you couldn't let his words consume you and manifest them into truth. You had to be strong, use whatever power you had left to regain your composure and come out the bigger person. Eren had always been a stubborn brat, Levi's nickname reigning true now more than ever.

"Use your head and think, Y/N," Eren spoke slowly, leaning his weight back onto one foot. He stretched his arm out towards you, held out for you to take. "Maybe if you stop caring for those that'll just kill you off for sport you'll actually comprehend why you're following the wrong cause,"

His words were suffocating and barbaric, not at all inspiring or persuading in the slightest. It didn't make you feel hopeful, it made you feel trapped. All you wanted was for it to stop. It wasn't love no matter how much you adored him. It wasn't healthy no matter the good memories you had shared. You had to stop the past messing with your head. You had to stop Eren messing with your head. You wanted to get out and escape. You needed to and as soon as possible. So, taking a moment to regain your composure, your hands raised to adjust the collar of your jacket and you looked over at Eren. An apologetic expression on your face for deciding to cut the visit short.

"I think I should... should go check on Armin and the others," You started, not sure what Eren would make of that. He appeared to show confusion, blinking once your words processed and frowning based on how sudden they were.

"Why would you need to do that?"

"They've been busy, and they're probably looking for me," You made up on the spot. "I didn't tell them I was coming to see you," Eren was silent, eyeing you up and down before he scoffed.

"You know I can tell you're lying, right?"

"W-Why would I lie?"

"For the same reason all people lie," Eren said. "To avoid what you're too scared to face," The way Eren spoke made everything feel much, much worse. A heavy amount of disrespect originated from this new flesh of conceit that Eren displayed on full. He had always been one to boast, but never in the form he showed in the present.

Listening to his slander any longer was something you simply couldn't handle. Not today, anyway. Fatigue was starting to claim control over your thought process, emotionally drained from talking to Eren. He had selfishly left you in a constant state of confusion and agony, making you ask yourself more questions than answering them. It utterly and totally sucked, being honest, and you had no clue where your relationship stood. Was it over? Were you still even together? Had he even seen you both as a couple this entire time or was it all just a big lie?

"So what were you trying to avoid when you spent all those months lying to us?" You were tempted to leave without another word said, but you knew you'd regret not asking your question. Which had popped into your head at the last moment as you pondered on Eren's words. Using them against you seemed to strike a nerve, as when you expected Eren to talk he did no such thing. Instead, he glared at you for being caught out, prompting your next words to follow. "I'll... I'll see you later, Eren,"

And with that, you started walking away.

You did everything in your power to not look back, focusing your gaze on the exit that was a little way ahead. Eren's stare etched itself into your back on the way out, leaving an even deeper wound than before which would probably scar for sure. Your footsteps dragged across the floor like you hauled twice your body weight behind you. Walking upstairs had never been such a demanding challenge before in your life. To think that you possessed the energy to traverse the walls but absolutely none to conquer thirteen mediocre steps.

You made it around ten steps up, just about to reach out for the door handle - when Eren's voice finally filled the room again. It brought your rushed exit to a halt with ease, much to your dismay, and what he had to say did nothing to help your situation.

"Who's to say I ever lied?"

Your heart both soared and sank at the same time, the conflict in your head skyrocketing as your thoughts drove you mad. What did Eren mean by that? Lie about what exactly? It was the way his words were always so devoid of clarity that hurt the most. The brunette was exceedingly blunt yet always left you inquiring more, prying further until it was too late. A mind game that pulled you in and kept you playing. You admittedly almost swayed.

But so close to the door, your hand wavering in the air just begging to open it - it was enough to prevent such a thing a happening. You knew if you headed back it would be the end, you would somehow get more hurt than you already had. It was a risky move you didn't want to place your bets on, you had come too far to be foolish.

So taking a deep breath you reached out for the handle and gripped it tight. You turned the knob and braced yourself to leave, blocking Eren from your mind as you lifted your foot to the eleventh step. Then the twelfth. Then the thirteenth, and finally onto the floor above the jail cells.

Closing that door behind you felt like the freshest of cleanses, your body sighing out in relief when it clicked shut.

Sadly though, you didn't have time to celebrate. The whole encounter surely caught up with you, as did the tears you had been saving for when you were finally alone. Just like they guaranteed, the hot, salty liquid singed the corners of your eyes and the tears returned. Before you could do anything, a cry broke out and you staggered until your back hit the door. The hinges jolted loudly, most likely attracting the attention of someone nearby. Whether it be a guard around the corner or one of your friends in search of your location. Maybe even Hange or Levi coming to check up on you. Whichever it was, they were in for a shock.

Your heart raced with anxiety, mind and body overwhelmed by inner turmoil that made you sick to your gut. The nausea was so bad you had to hold your stomach with your spare arm, fighting the urge to violently vomit all whilst controlling your reckless sobs that didn't cease their slander. Your vision went blurry from how much you broke down, unable to blink the tears away no matter your efforts.

Fearing the unknown had always been a part of who you were. But had somewhat simmered down as you grew older and developed mentally through being a soldier. However, all that progress reversed in an instant as your mind flashed back to the thought of Eren. How someone who used to possess so much passion now resorted to an empty vessel. The way he admitted to your insignificance with such little struggle, only to proceed to confuse you even more by implying he had never told a single lie. Was he even talking about you when he said that? Or something else completely unrelated?

A little bit of confirmation wouldn't hurt anybody.

It was odd to have Eren be the reason for your tears after so many years of him typically being the one to dry them off your face. Though thinking about it, he had been the leading cause for a lot of things as of late. The number a very concerning amount indeed. You barely even recognised him anymore. The once caring soul you fell in love with was no longer there, replaced with a man who had discovered the bittersweet lust for power based on a corrupted idealogy. Such a ruthless lust that it no longer mattered how that idealogy came to be, just as long as he managed to taste an essence of it.

You hated it. You hated that of all people it was Eren who tumbled down that drain. How did you allow yourself to fall in love with someone so possible of committing such atrocities? To worship him and give him everything you had, only to be told it was all for nothing and you were fighting a losing battle. You knew it was hopeless to hold on and believe that your Eren might return but at this rate that seemed unattainable. Not after witnessing him firsthand. The only thing left now was to move on and pray the world was on your side.

Part of you didn't want to move on though, so familiar with Eren as your crutch that a world without him sounded terrifying. You had grown so used to his presence in your life that all of this still felt so surreal no matter the fact you were very much living in it. Living in an endless hell that never allowed anyone a moment's peace. Not you. Not even Eren. Not a single human being on the planet. Nobody.

Just... where along the line had it all gone so painfully wrong?

[issaxcharlie]

Owen hosts Couple tag

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x Artist Fem Reader

Summary: We play pretend world guys✨ (I missed them, I’m SoRryyyy.) So, Charlie wants some reassurance after starting to prepare his proposal to Y/N and makes this “genius” plan with Owen to find her answers without being suspicious. (She totally knows tho) also a lot of friendship fighting between Owen and Y/N because I had to, I made myself laugh a lot so I’ll hope at least makes you smile🤧🤣Anyways, have fun!

This is also my weird and nonsense way of doing sweet @marvel-ousnesss request of the we play pretend couple to do a couple buzzfeed quiz 💖

The blonde takes a deep breath before picking up his phone and heading to the living room, where his couple of friends and roommates are on the couch. Charlie is lying down watching television and Y/N is lying on top of him with her face snuggled into his neck, he hugging her around the waist while gently running his fingers down her skin.

The plan was simple, to help Charlie plan the perfect proposal and give him an idea of what she expects from her wedding, they were doing a “Couple tag” video. That way the questions wouldn’t be as suspicious. Of course, there are easier ways but we are talking about Charlie. They convinced Kenny to call her and tell her that it was to promote the second season that is currently being filmed, and she agreed.

Charlie mentioned many times that someone else had to ask her the questions because she reads her boyfriend like an open book, so his improvisation had to be perfect to keep his best friend’s clever girlfriend out of the hook.

He decided to start the live from his room so as not to give the singer the opportunity to think much about it, so he sits in the living room and focuses the image on his friends who are not affected in the least by their positions. After all, everyone already knows that they are a couple and that they live together.

“Hello, I’m Y/N Y/L! And yes, that sexy, beautiful, adorable and talented man is my boyfriend, Charlie Gillespie.” He blushes as the memory of their first night back as a couple invades the mind of the Canadian, who had his girlfriend in exactly this position when she was, as she said, 'practicing' her introduction. Sadly, this time it will not end like that night because his best friend and about 500,000 people are watching.

“Welcome to my first edition of the Couple tag everyone! Here's my first guest couple, I know it’s not much, but I promise to find someone worthwhile next time, this is just for practice." Charlie laughs but looks nervous. Instead, his girlfriend sits down and rolls her eyes.

"I can't believe you chose him over a puppy or a hamster." The girl says to her boyfriend while laughing at her friend's offended reaction.

“I'm going to write that down in my long enemies list, but for now I have a live to lead. Okay guys, so basically I will ask them questions and I will also choose who answers them because I’m the only one hot enough to call the shots here."

She laughs and sticks out her tongue. Charlie sits down too and she takes his hand to fiddle with it. She keeps arguing for a few minutes with Owen but shows no signs of not wanting to play the game so he starts before she regrets it.

“Okay, first one is for Charlie. How did you guys met? This is actually a good one because a lot of the fans think you met on set and are like this really intense couple who started to date the very first week without even knowing each other’s last names.”

They both start laughing at the comment. The truth is that they have seen multiple posts and comments online from people judging their relationship and how fast they were going, especially when they did that last interview together and Y/N said that Charlie was taking his sweet time to ask for marriage, since for the fans they only have one year and months of knowing each other.

“We have known each other since forever. Our moms were best friends and we were born only a few weeks apart so we've always been together. We grew up as best friends and were dating before Y/N moved to New York to play Daniela on Stardust." Charlie tries to shake off the memory of the last tearful kiss before Y/N got on the plane. Hopefully he’ll never have to part from her for so long again. Sometimes he can't even understand how he managed to get through those 5 years.

"So no, we don't know each other for just one year, but 22." She adds, kissing his nose.

"Y/N, honey. I didn't ask you, don't be rude and wait for your turn." Owen says teasingly, the girl laughs and throws a pillow at him.

“Okay, rude again. Y/N, What is the first thing that he ever gave you?”

“Oh my, this beautiful valentines card! We were like eight I think. The paper is red, and it is filled with gold and silver glitter stars. Inside is a big star that has written in the middle, “My bright star, happy valentine’s day. I love you. And a lot of doodles of my favorite things, like my guitar, a microphone, chocolate, and a little Charlie. Just adorable, I still have it and to date it is one of my favorite gifts.”

The emotion with which she responds makes Charlie's heart melt. That was the first time he called her bright star, and he kept saying it to her during every audition, every performance, every practice. The exact reason not even she knows, but maybe one of these days he'll tell her.

“Rude and a liar. The 22-year-old Charlie's handwriting is horrible, the 8-year-old Charlie handwriting could only be close to a squiggle, nothing more. Oh, and probably only you had the ability to read it. I very much doubt that was beautiful."

She opens her mouth in surprise and wrinkles her nose, feigning annoyance. “I liked you more when you had a crush on me. You were nicer.”

Owen's eyes widen and he turns to see Charlie looking for help but he just starts laughing. “Wh- What are you talking about, mean girl?”

“Oh c’mon, you totally did, Ohio.” She smiles at the camara while showing a superiority face.

“Really? I already told you a thousand times, I'm from Oklahoma. But hey, how funny, forget about Stardust and audition for Funny Girl!”

“Jokes on you, I would nail Fanny Brice.”

“Man, defend my honor!”

“Bro, I can’t. You totally did, I even got worried for a second there.” It is incredible to think about how their friendship has grown and matured over time. They went from Owen fangirling every time he saw her to being really good friends. All these fights are more of a show than anything else, the truth is that when nobody is recording they tend to be very cool around each other and the three of them have quite a pleasant dynamic now that they are living together for the show.

“I won, Idaho. Now, please continue.”

“Well, my friends embarrassed me on my own live. I can already imagine the headlines tomorrow. Anyways, Charlie, Would you let yourself in danger to save her?”

Charlie starts laughing as he drops his head on the girl's shoulder. "I think she's not going to let me lie, I always have and will continue to do so. For me it's always her safety first."

"Which has given me more than a scare but he's so freakin stubborn." She adds while looking stressed and Owen can't help but imagine all the situations Charlie must have put himself in before.

“I prefer you scared than in danger, beautiful.” He grins and kiss her lips, her facial expresions relaxing at his touch.

“Gross. Y/N, do you prefer a small wedding or a big wedding?” She can feel Charlie tense at the question, so she leans her body back to support it against him and give him a lowkey reassurance.

“I hadn't really thought about it, but I know that my almost mother-in-law has been planning it all her life so you should check with her.”

His mom. Y/N is right, as always. His mom is their biggest shipper and the wedding is probably something she’ll want to be an importart part of, maybe way more than with his brothers since she adores the girl as much as her own kids, and the fact that his girlfriend is even more aware of that fact than him makes him smile.

“Do you love it when someone refers you as ‘her boyfriend’?”

“Always. Especially if it's her. She has that little knack of saying it whenever she can and it’s the most adorable thing in the world.”

“Oh I thought she was just showing it off to me because she was intimidated by our chemistry. I don't feel so special anymore.” Charlie chuckles and sends a secret air kiss to his friend, who just smirks and fakes to blush.

“How would you handle it if you thought another man was hitting on her?” Owen asks the guitarist raising an eyebrow.

“She usually takes care of that situations, her method is to take me by the shirt and kiss me hard on the lips. I’m never going to complain about that.” Charlie says smirking and blushing.

“We are a celebrity couple, for better or for worse. I’m not having him in a fight when I can just kiss that beautiful lips and solve the problem.” Charlie smiles as he wraps his girlfriend in his arms, so she can't see his face with the next question.

“What do you dream of your marriage? Mmm, let’s go with Y/N.”

“Anything will be perfect if I spend it with the man of my life. My Char is my everything and my biggest dream is to live my whole life laughing by his side.” Owen pretends to vomit as Charlie fills her with kisses under the ear, clearly moved by her answer.

“Let’s get to someting less cheesy because I really can’t with you both anymore. Has anyone ever tried to break your relationship?”

Charlie rolls his eyes and thinks for a moment. “Yes. We were like seventeen, and this guy from hockey had this big crush on her, so he tried to flirt with her many times even though everyone knew she was my girlfriend, until one day that he made her too uncomfortable and things escalated between him and me. Luckily my brothers intervened before something else happened because he was much bigger than me. I would have totally lost.” He chuckles while his girlfriend turns to see his face and gives him another sweet kiss on the corner of his lips.

“Yes guys, they are this annoying all the time. How do I survive? A lot of yoga. Next question, If three guys are standing, and you have been blindfolded, then how would you recognize him? Guys we actually did this like three days ago on set.”

“It was awesome! We put my bandana on her eyes and since it had my smell she couldn't be guided by that to choose.” Charlie explains excited.

“We got the three of us, first Jeremy then Charlie and then me in front of her, then she began to lightly touch Jer's hand. Then she went to Charlie's, it didn't take her a minute to recognize him and she took him from the hair and draw him to her lips, it was actually a pretty smooth and risky move, I’ll give you a point for that, prodigy brat.”

“Char's body inadvertently reacts to mine. It was pretty easy to tell the difference, especially after touching Jeremy's hand.” She turns her head to give Charlie a soft kiss on the lips and then Owen starts laughing like crazy and telling her to come see a specific comment.

She gets up and goes to sit next to him, Owen changes the camera so that now they are the ones in the image and she begins to read aloud. “Charlie I could give you my... Oh my god!” Owen continues laughing, resting his head on his friend who simply watches the screen in shock.

“Thank god Charlie doesn’t know how to read.” Owen, who was just recovering from his giggling fit, laughs again as Charlie giggles and sticks his tongue out at his girlfriend.

"Who needs to read when you look this hot with sleeveless shirts." He jokes while winking at his partner, which seems to melt in front of the camera that is still pointing directly at her.

“The man has a point. Okay, Y/N move your ass back there I’m still in charge of this show. Would you prefer a silver or gold ring?”

She makes sure to move off the screen and sticks her middlefinger at Owen before heading back to her place with her boyfriend. “Good and really random question.” She smirks, not making contact with her boyfriend. “I don't have a preference, but I would love Char to design it. Obviously with the correct guidance, but yeah he choosing every detail and then explaining to me why he choose it would be the dream.”

Charlie smiles. He was already imagining something like this after so many years of gifting and has already been visiting the jewelry store several times to make sure he designed the perfect ring for his girl, a slight feeling of pride filling him.

“Which series does she thinks resembles your relationship?”

“She loves Boy Meets World and see a lot of us in Cory and Topanga. I can totally see it too, after all they too have known each other their whole lives and have a bond as strong as ours.”

“Well that explains why she’s always telling me ‘Life is though, get a helmet’ instead of actually help me.” She grins at the memory of Charlie’s last prank on Owen a couple of days ago, it was really good since she secretly helped him plan it.

“Man, It wasn’t personal. I do the same with Char. I’m not going to be known for being the one ruining prank war. Take it to the end of the road, if you need me to take you idiots out of jail I totally will... eventually.”

“My girl, everyone. Isn’t she awesome?” He watches her adoringly and she blushes in response, buring her head on his neck.

“She always has this enormous energy and personality but all it takes is for you to see her for her to melt, that’s... kind of cute actually. Okay next question Stardust, What about If Charlie tells you to marry him tomorrow?”

For the thousandth time that night Y/N can feel Charlie stressing out. The fact that he planned together with Owen and Kenny all of this just to make sure he was on the same page with her is the most adorable thing in the world.

“I’m pretty sure he knows I would always say yes. He could have gotten on a plane when we were 18 and told me ‘I don't want to be without you, let's get married.’ And I would have said yes. He’s my person, I have nothing to think about, I have always known it’s him."

Now it's Charlie's turn to melt, and Owen himself can't help but smile.

Charlie's confidence in what he has planned is higher than ever, and the day when he can finally make it official is near. He has been dreaming of this day with his Y/N for years and he will finally get it.

“Well guys, that was it, give it up to my favorite couple of dumbasses and please stop asking obvious questions. Will I be Y/N’s maid of honor? Of course I will. Oh, and tune in next week to see me becoming Kenny’s new favorite after I challenge Y/N in a dance duel with I got the music. Golden star is GOING DOWN."

Thank you for reading✨

NEXT PART HERE

Taglist: @writerinlearning, @ghostofmgg @strangerthanfanfiction713, @thebloodthirstyvampress @kinda-really-lost, @kcd15, @magnet-girl, @aliandthephantoms, @stxrkspidey, @pinkrockstar19, @s0uz4s, @shycupcakealissa @cookiebuba, @fangirlangioma, @sageellsworth05, @twist3dtinkerbell, @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve, @caitsymichelle13 , @ifilwtmfc, @luckylouiebug, @bibliophilewednesday, @totomoshi, @siennanoelle01, @lunashadow6955, @bookfrog247, @morganayennefertyrell, @kiss-themoongoodbye, @rachelle3musicals, @imsydneywalker, @really-dont-forget-it @agentstarkid @talksoprettyjjx @kaitieskidmore1 @lukeys-giggle @katie-navarro @crybabyddl @cocopuffs0211 @marvel-ousnesss @blackhood5sos @dpaccione @tuttigunner

[honeyabyss]

Sleepover

Lucifer:

Okay so you want to have a sleepover with Luce, it probably happend a lot already, but not under those circumstances, it’s rather falling asleep in his study and waking up in his bed, questioning if something else happend last night

you propose the sleepover and at first Luce is confused like “but you already sleep in my room? wait a sleepover isn’t about sleeping? why would it be called a sleepover then?”

so you explain him, that it’s about spending some fun time with friends and that it leads to staying over night...and Luce agrees to your propsal of a sleep over

at the day of the sleepover you enter his room to find him organizing documents and other work related stuff

...? Wow that sounds like a lot of fun...

Well excuse you for Lucifer being a responsible righthand man, who still has to do some work!!!

you watch him work while listening to a few of his old records and sipping some demonus, all in all just like any other day you decide to visit him in his study, just the location changed

you’re bored out of your mind and your sighs annoy Luce so he asks you to stop..let’s be honest you probably going to answer his request with another sigh

“Is this not what you had hoped for today?” asks Lucifer the obvious

after some explanation he finally gets that you wanted to relax together and not do the usual stuff

“I apoogize, I simply assumed ‘fun time together’ meant the same to you as to me. I enjoy all the time spent with you” smooth talks his way out of his mistake

he actually puts his work down and asks you if you’d like to take a late night walk through the garden instead

when your walk ends, it is already very late, even for Luces terms, so you decide to go to sleep

“What are you doing? You’re sleeping on the bed! What kind of host would I be to let you sleep on a flimsy matress on the floor?”

climbs into the bed after you “the bed is big enough, stop complaining”

you can’t escape his death grip

Mammon:

has probably claimed your bed as his already, given how often he sleeps over at yours

you want to change it up and sleep in his room this time, Mammon gets very bashful talking about how you can’t cause his room isn’t cleaned up, yeah no shit Mcs room isn’t clean either due to certain demons hogging their room and leaving their crap everywhere

anyway, you two make yourselves comfortable on the two sofas in his room, a sofa for each to have more space for yourselves and also because Mammon is embarrassed, not that he would admit...

you watch some movies, probably of the genre action, and eat some delivery pizza, Mammon even pays!

you fall asleep on your sofa midway through the 4th movie, you wanted to go to sleep, but Mammon roped you in for another one, cause he thought you two could last a little longer...yeah neither of you could...

anyway after some time Mammon wakes up, his back hurts from sleeping on the sofa and he is about to start complaining, when he notices you’re still asleep on the other sofa, so he decides to just shift into a more comfortable position

he ends up watching some more TV, sadly for him the only things that get sended this late are horror movies, scared from just watching about half an hour, he turns the TV off and shifts in his seat restlessly

the great Mammon isn’t scared and he isn’t seeking your comfort, neither is he worried about his the human, but he ends up laying you down in his bed anyway, with him half sitting on the floor and half laying on the bed to give you some space, his hand holds yours while he falls asleep again, more at ease being close to you, he forgets about the horror movie he just saw

Leviathan:

sleepover? Did you mean your regular all nighter with games and anime? Yeah it's nothing new for this pair, that doesn't mean that Levi is  n’tvery happy about you suggesting it this time

he actually plans out the whole night, "finish this game until then, so we have enough time for these new anime episodes coming out this night, OH! And we can't forget this game... Hmm maybe if we put it here?”

Has a very tight schedule, because he wants to make the best out of his time with you

" Arrhhg!!! No you can't do that Mc! If you keep playing this bad we'll never finish this game in time!" he complains but ends up feeling really bad right afterwards and apologizes repeatedly

you suggest to just play for fun and forget the schedule after all this isn't the last night you two can spend together

Levi.exe has stopped responding

 you want to spend more time with him even though all he did today was complain? Are you an angel Mc? Or just mentally insane?

you keep playing late into the morning actually having a lot of fun, laughing a bit too loud and getting scolded by Satan who just wants to read his book in silence so SHUT THE FUCK UP, thank you.

"ah Mc! Watch out! Someone's attacking from behind you... Oh? Did you fall asleep? It's already late for you huh? What a normie falling asleep at 6 am..."

he is a bit overwhelmed by the situation and doesn't really know what to do with you now, you fell asleep in a beanbag in his room but it probably isn't comfortable enough to sleep on for long, but to get you into his bed bathtub he has to either carry you or wake you up, keeps mumbling to himself for a while gathering courage and lastly carrys you into his surprisingly very comfortable tub as it is big and layed out with blankets and pillows, he is a blushing mess by the time he is finished

he isn't tired yet so he goes back to playing, but he turns down the volume as to not wake you

Satan:

you probably spend a lot of time in each other's rooms already, mostly in his due to his brother's constantly appearing in your room, so when you ask to have a sleep over the only thing that changes is that you actually plan to sleep there this time and not just accidentally fall asleep

Satan texts you the whole day asking you about things you want to do or not want to do, so he can get the right things, considers you equally involved in the preparations as him, so your opinion isvery important to him

you end up deciding on a few books you'd like to read and make yourself comfortable together

Satan isn't used to much physical attention but he pulls you next to him on his bed nonetheless, it is easier to read like that

you take turns in loudly reading a passage of the current book

the atmosphere is very relaxed, you laying comfortably in bed, some tea (or cold bevarage of your choosing) and some dimmed lights only there so you can see the letters on the pages

as much Satan enjoys this reading session with you, the situation also relaxes him so much that he falls asleep midway through your reading part, all you notice is that his head suddenly drops on your shoulder leaving him in an uncomfortable looking position

you put a marker in the book and put it away for later, before carefully lowering Satan and yourself in a comfortable sleeping position and pulling the blanket over the two of you

content you fall asleep next to him, in his sleep Satan pulls you closer, carefully holding you

when he wakes up a bit later that night he is embarrassed about being so close and swiftly pulls away accidentally waking you up, you're still half asleep not entirely grasping the situation and just pull him back closer seeking warmth and fall asleep again, leaving Satan a blushing mess that slowly calms down and falls asleep again

Asmodeus:

a sleep over? Did you mean sex and sleep cuddles? No? Oh well, but tell him if you change your mind

what do you mean staying awake for long? Do you think his beauty is natural? I mean yeah it is, but he also has to take care of himself

agrees to let you spend some time with him before going to bed, because how could he deny you his beauty?

he insists on doing his normal skin care routine and if you want or not he's going to do the same to you “stop running away from me, I can't see much with this face mask on! But you will catch me if I fall while chasing after you, right?"

"How could you betray me? I fell on my perfect booty because of you" he actually starts crying after having fallen over some clothes

stressed Mc noises while crouching down next to him, apologizing and trying to calm him down

it's a trap

he pulls you into a hug letting himself fall onto the floor, caging you in with his limbs, there is no escape, he might look lithe but he's still a demon and with that very strong

"fine. I'll leave you alone, but don't complain later if your skin isn't as smooth as mine... Oh? But I won't let you free from my embrace, because this is the payment for making me fall and not catching me"

true to his words he doesn't let you go, he carrys you to his bed, takes his mask off with one hand, and makes himself comfortable in bed, laying down half on you to keep you from running away and because Asmo just wants your love and affection so your better cuddle back

Beelzebub:

sleepover? Can we order food? Already dials the number of all restaurants that have delivery

it's actually a very spontaneous sleep over, you just haven't been able to see each other much lately due to school related things and because Beel had a lot of training for his upcoming Fangol match, so you missed him and asked if you two could have a sleep over, Beel was overjoyed and instantly bear hugged you

just chilling on his bed eating food and talking about the day

don't worry Beel the vacuum will take care of any crumbs that fall onto the bed and might be uncomfortable to sleep on

after finishing a year worth of food, you clean up the packages and dishes and bring out the garbage

"you can take the bed, I don't mind sleeping on the sofa" Beel is an adorable gentleman who just wants to keep you comfortable all the time, even though he would love to cuddle you

if you insist he will sleep in the bed with you, but will be a bit nervous, so he keeps a small distance between you two, if you want cuddles then the best option will be to just take the lead and bring him in a position of your choice, it's not like he doesn't want to cuddle he just doesn't want to hurt you

once he falls asleep he will hold you contently and share all his warmth with you

a heads up: maybe take a shower in the morning, I bet Beel will dream of food and might drool on you

Belphegor:

ah yes sure we can have a sleep over

you expect him to stay awake? Really? The Avatar of Sloth himself is supposed to be awake? You're asking a lot human....

after some back and forth with a few breaks, because Belphie fell asleep midway through the discussion, you end up deciding on doing something you both might enjoy... Though Belphie thought it is a bit childish at first

so you end up stealing all Blankets and pillows you can find, Beel gives his volunteeringly away for his friend and his brothers enjoyment... While others ,cough Lucifer cough, have to be a dick about it and not give you his blanket even though he never sleeps anyway

you build a blanket fort in the planetarium, Belphie tries to help here and there, but 1. he is sleepy and 2. he never build one before so he needs your help

after you finish building your very comfortable night shelter, Belphie almost instantly falls down on the pillows and spreads himself out

you join and cuddle up to him, making him grumble a bit as he now has to adjust his position again

the view from the planetarium is the second reason to why you chose this place, Belphie lazily points out to some stars and tells you about their names and meaning

after some time you fall asleep, "you make me stay awake, but fall asleep yourself?", Belphie obviously can't have his title of avatar of Sloth be stolen, so he accidentally wakes you up by nudging your side with his elbow "oh sorry, did I wake you? I'm really sorry, I just wanted to find a more comfortable position..."

like the little shit he is, he pulls you close and falls asleep before you even realize what just happend

Solomon:

oh? A sleep over with him? He didn't do that in ages... Actually I don't think he ever done it, at least not in the "hey you're my friend and I just want to spend some time with you" sense

anyway don't accept any of Solomons ideas! “We can cook-” NO “Oh okay take out it is, more time for the fun part I guess... So wanna do some magic pranks? I have some new spells I still have to test-” NO “Oh... Well your right it might be a bit dangerous. How about we visit some old friends of mine? I'm sure I'll get them to make a pact with me this time-” Solomon... NO!

I'm very sorry Solomon, but I'm sure Mc doesn't want to die just yet

so you meet at Purgatory hall, because there is no way the brothers will leave you two alone... For a "sleep over" uh huh sure they'd be watching you the whole time, no fun wouldn't recommend, so Purgatory hall it is, Simeon will agree to check in on you to calm Lucifer down

Solomons room is probably as much of a mess  as Satan's so the only place to sit will be his bed, "make yourself at home, just don't sit down on that book it's cursed... Oh and don't spill this potion... You're better off not knowing why..."

he will tease the hell out of you. Period. He has spend too much time with Asmo "visiting a man at this time in is room.. That's very dangerous... Someone less of a gentleman than me might take advantage of that, unless that is what you had planned wink wonk”

just hit him with a pillow

but he will hit back

pillow fight it is, but it wouldn't be Sol if it didn't contain magic, he plays unfair making a magic pillow wall around himself while throwing pillows at your defenseless self, when you surrender he will let down his wall and fall onto you laughing loudly and freely, which attracts Simon's attention who looks into the room and smiles gently at the two of you enjoying each others company

Solomon has a lot of fun with you and actually feels comfortable enough to laugh, which gives you an immense boost of pride making you want to keep him laughing, so you start telling him bad puns and jokes until both of you are wheezing and panting for air having laughed too much

as you calm down the exhaustion hits and you both agree to rest for today, Solomon slides under his blanket and holds the blanket up for you, you slide into his awaiting embrace and cuddle into him

he might use the new position to tickle you a bit, but not much as he doesn't want you to slip out of his embrace, you fall asleep tangled together

Simeon snaps a picture of you two, but don't worry it's really blurry cause it's technology and Simeon just can't handle it

Simeon:

a sleep over? That sounds nice, he definitely wants to spend some more calming time with you

seeks permission for you from Lucifer instantly, so you don't have to go through it

even goes as far as to pick you up from the house of lemantation and carry your bag, cause he is nice

will drop of your stuff and take you out grocery shopping then, how to better spend your time then with your favorite hobby? Simeon likes to cook so that is what you'll do

don't worry he will help you with everything you don't know, don't know how to cut this? Let me show you, cut to a cliché scene of him standing way to close behind you guiding your hand to correctly cut this.. Shadow bellpepper? I dunno

anyway you two end up having lots of fun while cooking and Simeon might take any chance to tease you, damn this closet sadist angel with way too tempting shoulders

the whole family enjoys your cooking, grandpa Solomon, mom Mc, Dad Simeon and dog child Luke

when you retire to bed, he tucks you (oh god this got autocorrected to fuck and I'm so glad I saw that before posting it) into bed and gives you a kiss on the forehead for good dreams, will then settle himself on the sofa, "are you trying to tempt an angel? As much as I'd like to cuddle... I don't think we should..."

will reluctantly join you in bed but turn his back to you and keep space between you, will tense up if you put your arms around his waist and  cuddle into his back... But will enjoy it after getting used to it, will tangle his fingers with yours and hold your arm around his waist

Luke:

he is the one to ask for a sleep over, because Simeon said he is only allowed to stay awake longer on special occasions and he is a big boi and wants to stay awake longer and spend more time with the adults, “so can you please come over? I'll even bake you a cake...”

so you bake a cake together.

it's really nice and you have fun, Luke is really confident and takes the lead, telling you what to do next

 Oh and occasionally you have to bring grandpa Solomon out of the kitchen, cause he is trying to help, but... Yeah, no.

you have to help Luke put the cake in and out of the stove, cause he almost burns himself and you just want to help, but Luke sulks a bit, don't give him headpats he's not a dog, just hug him and tell him you care about his well-being

the cake turns out great and you have it as a dessert after dinner with everyone, grandpa is sulking, cause he wasn't allowed to help but whatever he'll get over it

it's about the time where Luke normally goes to bed where he starts to get a bit drowsy, his answers in your conversation about everyday things, are getting shorter and he needs longer to find the right words, so you suggest going to bed, but Luke wants to stay up late...

He falls asleep 10 minutes later and you tuck him into bed, you try to leave but he keeps holding your hand, guess you'll have to stay

Simeon finds you two cuddled together later that evening, as he wanted to check in on you before going to sleep himself

Barbatos:

it's the very rare occasion of Diavolo leaving the castle for a business in the human world, and Barb has been left behind at the castle to upkeep the work there, luckily there is not much to do so Barb decides to invite you over for some rare alone time... Also because he feels a bit lonely after spending almost each day with a man-child

when you arrive at the castle, Barb is already waiting for you at the front gates with a basket "I hope you don't mind if we have our dinner outside? The weather is so nice today I thought we could eat in the castle garden"

night picnic with Barb.... Actually now that I think about it... Isn't it night all the time in Devildom?... Anyway night picnic

Barb has literally made a feast for you two, he is so used to cook in big portions you'll have 'some' rest food to bring back to Beel tomorrow

just relaxing in the garden on a fluffy blanket surrounded by magically glowing flowers and eating nice food with Barb while talking about anything that comes to mind

his inner butler kicks in after you're sated and he instantly stands up to clean, but you pull him back down to relax, he is a bit flustered as he finds himself on his back with his head resting in your lap, your hand softly stroking through his hair, but the embarrassment soon gets replaced by pure contentment as Barb calms down and let's you play with his hair

he falls asleep in your lap, but you don't mind and let him take a small nap

when he wakes up again about an hour later, he bashfully apologizes for falling asleep... "it has gotten a bit chilly, shall we go in now?"

butler Barb is a British gentleman and that's why I like him, so after he put all the food and plates back into the basket he shakes out the blanket and drapes it around your shoulders to keep you warm, you better be grateful and take him with you under the blanket!

he brings you to a room which is right next to his so you can find him quickly in case you need something

"you want to sleep in one room? Is that truly wise? I'm still a demon and there is only one bed in my room... You don't mind?.... Oh well if you insist..." he is not used to being close to people of any race, laying down his butler demeanor and being his casual self is still a bit hard to him, but you're patient and so he tries to relax with you

he keeps distance in bed, and asks you multiple times for your confirmation that this is really to your liking

you fall asleep quickly and Barb, not in a creepy way, watches you a bit trying to find any sign of discomfort, as he doesn't find any he takes a big breath and takes your hand again looking for discomfort, but he relaxes with a content smile as your grip tightens around his hand as well

 he falls asleep feeling very happy and as if he has achieved a big next step of getting closer to you

Diavolo:

slaps 'youthful fun 101' on your desk in rad "how do you do, fellow kid? Ready for some neat sleep over at my castle this weekend?"

...

yeah... Let's fucking go!

Sorry Barb

he wants to try everything you can do at a sleep over... He never had someone to do that with, so just be nice and make the best out of it

you start out easy, you need to have a base to return too and later rest so the dining room gets redecorated to a giant blanket fort, eveything is covered in blankets and pillows

with the base set it's time for some fun, Dia suggests to play some games so here you go playing... I dunno party games... Even roping Barb into a round of Poker.. Barb wins due to his pokerface....

after some games to set the mood, Dia is up for some rather surprising things, braiding each others hair, doing face masks even a manicure, this man wants it all and he is having so much fun don't ruin this for him

much to Barbs dismay Dia wants traditional sleep over food so pizza it is, Barb was at least able to convince him to make the pizza themselves so it is less unhealthy, so here you three are in the kitchen baking a messy pizza with all sorts of toppings, because Dia can't decide on just a few

Barb is starting to regret having bought this youth trends book for Dia

after eating a delicious pizza it is movie time with an excessive amount of snacks to choose from as if you're not already full from the pizza, so you two cuddle up in your blanket fort and watch some movies on a laptop, until late into the night, Barb has already retired to his room but only sleeps with one eye closed always ready to jump for the fire extinguisher

Dia has too much energy

how about hide and seek  at night, in the castle, in hell, with no one else knowing about it, you hide in the kitchen almost scaring Barb to death when he enters to get a glass of water, he drags you out of the kitchen and exclaims the kitchen to be a restricted area

stop scaring Barb he almost kicked you, cause he thought you're a rat

what’s better at 3 am then having a 2-man full out blown karaoke party, waking everyone in the castle up

only positive thing for Barb: you sing until your voices are hoarse so you can't scream at him anymore

with the last energy you two have, you decide to top this very successful and entertaining sleep over with a pillow fight, messing up your blanket fortress

you fall asleep cuddled together under a half collapsing blanket fort, but don't worry Dia is shielding your body so nothing is going to suffocate you

Barb wants to retire... But he's also happy for his lord that he had such a great time

[thesoulspulse]

When Blue Eyes Meet (Good Vlad AU ~ Oneshot)

Summary: I couldn't sleep and got this beautifully heartfelt idea in my head about how my Good Vlad met his cat Madison for the first time and how she helped turn his life around. It's about she adopted him, sensing how bad Vlad needed a friend after Jack and Maddie moved on with their lives until they finally meet again at their college reunion. Warning, this mentions character death.

Vlad's POV

I'll never forget that day, the day I met a very special little lady.

I had only been fully discharged from the hospital for a few weeks but...after I insisted on making sure Jack and Maddie could move on with their own lives without me since I wouldn't drag them down, but once returned home I was suddenly reminded of how alone in the world I really was now. Both my parents had passed away before I started my freshman year of college but they left me with everything I would need to secure a bright future, even the house which gave me a place to return to in the first place since we had no idea the accident would result in me being bedridden for several years.

But as soon as I stepped inside the house, just like my heart it felt so...hollow.

The warmth I used to feel there was long gone, and it had nothing to do with still needing to pay the heating bill. And I suppose it's fortunate that the money I had set aside to pay for my school supplies and my half of the rent was enough to pay for my hospital bills so I had just enough left over to invest in gaining a new lease on life after the accident. It would take time, but I was confident I would be able to go back and continue my studies eventually, but for now I need to focus on figuring out how to cope with the other huge transformation I had undergone.

I almost had to laugh at the irony because perhaps I'm only living a half-life since the accident turned me half-ghost. It was difficult at first, hiding the truth about my condition not only from Jack and Maddie, but the nurses and doctors as well. Thankfully, I inherited my father's sharp wits and managed to conceal my powers fairly well. As for the rest, it was just easier to let people assume they were only seeing things whenever they saw a strange light or my hand seemed to pass through solid objects. After all, who would ever believe that a human with ghost powers could possibly exist...?

Still, I suppose one good thing about returning to that house is that it was nice to finally be able to relax somewhat knowing I wouldn't need to hide my powers from anyone, or at least not nearly as often when I was still a patient. I would still have to be careful if someone came to visit me, but honestly the odds of that happening ere  highly unlikely. I say this because I have no living relatives left. No parents, no cousins or siblings, just me.

Sighing I set down my bags and started unpacking boxes. I needed something else to occupy my thoughts because I still hadn't quite gotten over the fact that I lost my scholarship. Realistically I knew that couldn't be helped given what happened to me so instead I turned my attention to the things I still could control, such as ensuring I still had a place to live since I was no longer a student and Jack wasn't my roommate anymore.

Speaking of which, right from the start I wanted make sure to avoid living somewhere with too many people around so although my original plan was to move back here after graduation I made the decision to return to this town ahead of schedule in light of my extenuating circumstances.

There were still faint traces of my old life here back from when my parents were still alive such as my father's desk and my mother's cooking supplies. And quite honestly, being back here and suddenly feeling their absence all over again...it made me sad. I missed them, just as much I miss Jack and Maddie but I had to start moving on too. So I shook my head, turned our old record player, and kept myself busy by unpacking my belongings.

Luckily I had everything I owned in the dorm moved here after it became painfully clear I wouldn't be able to attend classes anymore due to my critical condition. Jack and Maddie offered to do it for me personally but I declined their kind off because for one thing I didn't want them to find out where I live before I had enough time to gain full control of my powers, and for another I wanted to make a clean break for their sake...

I was dangerous to be around whether I liked it or not so exposing them to danger while my powers were still a bit difficult to control was not a risk I was willing to take. Especially since those two are all I had left and someday...I really hoped I'd be able to meet them again and tell them the truth about my powers. But until then, all I could do was try my best to start over and hope for the best.

~

Once I settled in, I began testing out my powers more, taking notes, pushing my limits, and yet the more I learned about myself the more I wished I had someone to share my discoveries with. Jack could be overzealous at times, but I missed how excited we both felt after making a new discovery about ghosts or ectoplasmic energy. And Maddie, she always knew how to reign us in so we could look at things more objectively even though she was usually just as eager to find out more too.

Having no one left to talk to or come home to had finally started to get to me and sadly as a result that's when the nightmares started up again too. Just like back in the hospital I would wake up in a cold sweat, clutching the sheets in both fists as the ghostly blue glow of my eyes cast flickering shadows on the walls. I had gotten careless because I thought I would be alright as long as I didn't have to worry about a doctor or a nurse walking in at any second and seeing my eyes glowing in the darkness.

That's when I realized I had to do something about this before things escalated even further and my emotions spiraled out of control again without some sort of outlet. I needed to make a connection, a way to overcome this shadow looming over me, so I considered seeing a therapist to prevent these nightmares from overtaking me. But I was afraid that if I did talk to someone...what if I became too emotional and exposed my powers to them? That could be a huge problem. I could always overshadow them, but I'd still be avoiding dealing with this terrible helplessness I felt.

That day, I was wandering around town in a daze, conflicted about how to deal with the problem when I happened to enter a local animal shelter. The people at the front desk were friendly, but I had never considered how my...ghostly attributes might make most animals wary of me since they have a sixth sense for the supernatural which quite honestly made me feel even more detached from the person I once was. As a boy I got along well with most animals but I never felt particularly attached to them. Dogs were a bit too energetic for my tastes and I had to deal with that enough with Jack but cats on the other hand, well I have always appreciated their independent spirit but I never considered them to be very affectionate animals...

That all changed the instant I saw her.

On my way out the door after satisfying my idle curiosity about how animals seem to perceive me now that I'm only half human I noticed this sleek black kitten staring directly at me with the most stunning blue eyes I've ever seen and when our eyes met, what I felt...I can't even describe it. It felt as though she was looking right at me, into my heart, and for the first time since the accident, it was like someone had noticed how lost I was and there was this unmistakable look of gentle sympathy in her eyes.

Mesmerized by her gaze, I turned around and asked the person at the desk more about her and they told me she had been abandoned which I could relate to to some degree. To be fair I hadn't been abandoned necessarily, but I felt that way sometimes since it was gradually becoming harder and harder to wake up alone in that empty house every morning, not sure what I should be doing with the rest of my life now that I'm all alone and don't have friends to confide in anymore I can visit whenever I want.

Impulsively I asked if I could hold her and they agreed, smiling at me secretively as if they already knew I felt an instant attachment to her and as soon as they handed her to me...she clung to me like her life depended on it and then crawled up onto my shoulders, wrapping her tiny body around my neck as much as possible and as soon as she was comfortable she started purring. It was like a hug of sorts and I had no idea how starved for the gentle contact from another living creature of any kind from someone that wasn't just another doctor poking and prodding me that all I remember is falling to my knees soon after, sobbing and resting my cheek against her head as she rubbed against me, licking away my tears.

Finally, I thought, this is what I've been searching for ever since I came home. I've missed having someone there who cares about me, someone to remind me that I'm not alone, someone who can stay by my side so I don't have to suffer in silence anymore without a friend there to comfort me just when I start to think I can't bear it anymore.

I'm sure everyone who saw me that day were just as stunned as I was by my meltdown, but I didn't care. I needed her. And she needed me, no, for reasons I cannot even begin to fathom she WANTED to be with me and no one else. It's like she had been waiting for me to walk in that door from the very start. Waiting for me to give her a home, a family, and most importantly...a name. And that name would become a bond that could never be broken, not even after her tragic death some years later when she returned to my side once more as a ghost because she knew I still desperately needed a friend-

And that's how Madison became my closest and dearest companion.

We’ve been inseparable ever since.

[ghstandpucks]

Nothin’ Like You ~ Cale Makar

In honor of reaching over 200 followers, here is a song fic based on Dan and Shay’s Nothin’ Like You. I have a few requests in my inbox that I will be working on. If you have any, feel free to send them in using this prompt! Thank you for 200!!!

Master List

I remember when I first met you Sipping coffee in a corner booth You were twirling your hair And I just had to stare For a minute or two

Cale was with Tyson and J.T. after practice one Wednesday afternoon. The three of them decided to stop and get some coffee as it was a cold winter day outside. They were waiting in line talking about something E.J. had said earlier that day when Cale’s eyes landed on you in the back corner by a window. You had a cup of coffee and were staring at your laptop, completely oblivious to the world around you. He couldn’t help but stare as you wound and un-wound a strand of hair around your finger, every so often stopping to type something. Tyson kept talking as J.T. realized their defenseman was completely distracted by something. Following his line of sight, he chuckled. “See something you like? Or someone?” he chirped his teammate. Cale started to turn red as he looked away from you.

“I thought maybe I knew her,” he muttered. Tyson had stopped his monologue and was paying attention also now. He looked over as you had your head buried in a book, slowly typing something out.

“How did she carry all those books?” he asked with a slight laugh. Cale had noticed the numerous books you had scattered around the table. Didn’t people just do their research online now? “You like studious girls Makar?” Tyson elbowed him.

I was laughing at your stack of books Then you shot me that smile Hey beautiful girl, in your own little world Let me in it

“Man shut up,” Cale said turning on his friend. Unknowingly to them though, you had actually heard all the commotion. It was why you enjoyed doing your research in coffee shops; the garbled noises made it easier for you to concentrate. This doesn’t mean that you had heard what they said exactly, but who could really miss three hockey players walking into a small coffee shop in the middle of the week.

You looked up right as Cale was glancing back over at you. As you locked eyes, you sent him a shy smile and looked back down, trying to focus on your work again. Of course you knew who they were, all of Denver practically did. You were just an overstressed grad student with too many deadlines coming up though; he was probably just looking around the place.

The three of them ordered their coffees, and Cale noticed that you had looked sadly at your cup after taking a sip. He walked up to the counter and got the attention of the barista. “What did that girl in the corner order?” he asked, and was told it was a caramel latte. “I’ll take one of those too,” Cale said, paying for a second coffee. J.T. gave Tyson a look before he could say anything as they watched Cale walk over to you with two coffee cups.

You got all of my attention And you ain't even trying Yeah, you're my kind of different And I never seen nothin'

Nothin' like you

“Um hi. I hope you don’t mind, but I thought you could use this,” Cale said, announcing his presence at your table. You looked up, slightly startled as you had been engrossed in a thought you had while typing out your research. “Didn’t mean to scare you,” he chuckled nervously.

“No, you’re fine! Sorry, I had a train of thought going,” you sputtered out just as nervous as him. “Thank you, that’s very kind. What do I owe you?” you asked, instinctively reaching for your wallet. Cale shook his head.

“Nothing,” he said, trying to think of what the guys on the team might say in this situation. “Your number maybe?” he made a face like he couldn’t believe he just said that, and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“Um, sure, yeah,” you squeaked out, writing your number on a piece of notebook paper and ripping it out to give to him. “I’m Y/N,” you introduced yourself.

“Cale,” he said, taking the paper from you. He was about to ask what you were doing when Tyson called out to him.

“Makar, are you coming?” Cale turned toward his friends who had big, goofy grins on their faces watching the interaction. You blushed slightly at the thought of others watching you.

“I’m sorry. I’ll text you,” he stuttered out, putting your number into his pocket. You smiled softly at him and nodded.

“Thanks for the coffee,” you said and he smiled at you.

“My pleasure.”  

Shades on spinning in a summer rain Dancing when there ain’t no music Just the right kind of crazy, baby

           Cale had texted you like he said he would that same evening. You honestly weren’t expecting it, but felt completely giddy when you saw the unknown number and read his message. He explained that he would be gone on a road trip with the Avs for the next week, but would like to take you to dinner when he got back. You accepted and plans were made; the two of you talking regularly throughout the week getting to know each other better.

           The Avs returned home on Thursday, and a few hours later Cale was at your apartment knocking on your door. He had brought you flowers and you couldn’t help but smile at the kind gesture. The two of you made your way to dinner, talking the whole time. He had just finished telling you a funny story from the trip, beaming at the giggle he had enticed from you when your food arrived. As you looked down at your plate, you started moving your head and shoulders in an excited fashion. “Are you dancing?” Cale questioned you with a chuckle. You stopped immediately.

           “Oh my gosh, sorry. I tend to have a happy dance with food. It’s a weird family thing. I don’t even realize I do it until it’s pointed out to me,” you rambled on, face turning red. Cale shook his head.

           “Don’t be sorry. I though it was cute,” he said in a low tone. You smiled and giggled nervously; Cale deciding then and there that he wanted to continue seeing that smile for as long as you would let him.  

Something about you Rocking that rock 'n roll t-shirt Whole party dressed up But you just doin’ your thing Ain't nobody ever seen nothin' like you

           You were working on your research the following Friday night, having the game on in the background. Cale had taken you out to dinner once more since your first date, and the two of you had been nonstop texting. The Avs had won, Cale scoring that night. After the game you were about to text him a ‘congratulations’ when your phone started to ring, the caller ID showing it was him. “Congratulations!” you said as you answered and heard him chuckle on the other end of the line.

           “Thanks Y/N. Hey, what are you doing tonight?” he asked, and you heard a few wolf whistles behind him with muttered ‘shut ups’ coming from the defenseman.

           “I’ve just been working on my research since I got out of class earlier. Why?” you asked, trying not to laugh.

           “Come out with us. We’re all going out to celebrate,” he said in a more hushed tone, and you could imagine him trying to avoid the whole locker room from hearing.

           “Cale, I would love to but I’m not dressed to go out,” you said.

           “Who cares. Please? I would like you to come,” he pleaded with you ever so slightly. You looked down at your outfit, deciding it wouldn’t take much to put on some jeans quickly. Your Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt didn’t look terrible at least.

           “Text me the address,” you said into the phone, and you could hear the excitement in Cale’s voice as he said he would.

When you're wearing them worn out jeans Purple untied shoestrings You're a light in the dark And you're stealing my heart like a gypsy

           Showing up to the bar, you became a little self-conscious. Maybe you should have changed? The second Cale spotted you though, he thought you were the most beautiful girl in the room. The front of your band tee was tucked into your ripped black jeans, your white converse showing years of wear as they were no longer exactly white and the shoelaces were frayed at the ends. Cale knew you were probably stressed with your research, and yet you still had the softest smile and a sparkle in your eyes when you found him in the crowd. “You made it,” he whispered into your hair as he hugged you close. He felt you giggle into his chest.

           “Couldn’t let you down,” you answered simply. Cale smiled at you and took your hand, leading you over to a table where some of the team was sitting.

           “Coffee shop girl!” A slightly tipsy Tyson shouted.

           “Oh my God,” Cale muttered as you giggled. You were introduced to everyone as you took a seat between Cale and someone he called Gravy.

           “So what is your research on?” Gabriel Landeskog asked when you said you were a grad student at the University of Denver.

           “The archaeology of Zoroastrianism,” you said, and caught many blank stares.

           “Zoro what?” Andre asked.

           “It’s an ancient Persian religion. Today’s modern practices of Christianity, Islam, and Judaism all have common ties to it,” you briefly explained.

           “Wait, that was the religion Freddie Mercury practiced,” Sam Girard commented, looking interested. You nodded.

           “That’s how most people have heard of it now,” you responded.

           “What is your research trying to say about it?” he asked.

           “So I’m basically writing a big literature review to make sure it is preserved in the archaeological record. It was the first dualistic religion in a time where civilizations had their pantheons to believe in. It spread with the Persian conquest, but no one they conquered was ever forced to convert to it. Now it’s a rare religion to come across, and their numbers keep getting smaller. With it being one of the oldest organized religions, it needs to be preserved and the traditions documented before we lose it all through modernization attempts.” To you, your explanation was simple and one that you had said many times whenever asked what you were studying. It seemed you had impressed the table though, and you slightly blushed as a few questions started flying your way. You didn’t notice Cale softly smiling at you while you talked about a topic that you loved so much; he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. His teammates noticed though, and boy were they going to give it to him at practice.    

I love the way that you kiss me In front of everybody So baby come and kiss me They ain't ever seen nothin'

Nothin' like you

           The following day at practice, the guys were giving Cale crap for how head over heels he seemed for you. The fact he hadn’t kissed you yet was another source of ridicule. Everyone who had met you ended up adoring you within the time span that you spent with them at the bar; and they could easily see that their defenseman was taken by you as his cheeks would turn red at the mention of your name. They were all happy for him, but that didn’t mean the chirping would stop.

           They had another home game to play the following day, and Gabe convinced Cale to invite you and have you sit with Mel and Linnea. Later that day Cale went to your apartment and handed you his jersey, asking you to be there for the game. You couldn’t say no to him, not that you wanted to anyways. That Sunday you put on the jersey and headed to the stadium. Meeting Mel at the front, you quickly got along and enjoyed the game. The Avs came out victorious again, and you followed the captain’s wife to the locker rooms. You stepped aside as Gabe made his way over to his wife, feeling a little out of place. Luckily for you, Cale wasn’t far behind.

           He didn’t know if it was from the guys comments or seeing you in his jersey, but one second he was smiling widely at you, then the next his lips were on yours and his hands on your waist. Without a second thought, you kissed him back, your hands holding his face to yours. You were both grinning ear to ear as you separated, chirps flying all around but all in good nature. Giggling, you hid your face in Cale’s chest as his face turned bright red.

Shades on spinning in a summer rain Dancing when there ain’t no music Just the right kind of crazy, baby Something about you Rocking that rock 'n roll t-shirt Whole party dressed up But you just doing your thing Ain't nobody ever seen nothin' like you, yeah

           A year had passed and you were at the end of your grad program. You were set to present your research at the graduate fair, having been selected to present your research on behalf of your department. The Avs were scheduled to be flying back home that day, but Cale wasn’t sure if he would be there in time to see you present. You told him that it was fine, that you understood; and you really did. He was hell bent on making it though. You weren’t that surprised when you saw Cale sneaking into the back of the auditorium. What did surprise you was that half the team had followed him in. Having become good friends with them, they wanted to be there to support you too. As your name was announced, you swear you had the loudest applause.

           You calmly presented your research, smiling at Cale when you finished and a few questions were thrown your way. Having worked so hard, the questions were simple to answer. Finding Cale afterward, he took your poster from you and the two of you made your way to his apartment so he could unpack from the trip. Changing into some leggings and one of his shirts, you showed him the bound copy of your 105 page thesis. He was so proud of you and couldn’t help but share the cover on his Insta story. The two of you cuddle and slept better that night then you had in a while. For him it was being back home with you, and you finally had the stress of your research gone since the first time you met him.  

Nothin' like you Shades on spinning in a summer rain Dancing in the rain no music Nothin' like you Rocking that rock 'n roll t-shirt Whole party dressed up But you just doing your thing Ain't nobody ever seen nothin' like you, yeah

           Once you graduated, Cale asked you to move in with him. You had secured a job at a museum as a curator in their Antient History section. Setting up an exhibit all morning, you met up with Cale at the same coffee shop you had met at two years prior later that day. “Sorry I’m late” you muttered to Cale as you found him. He smiled and gave you a quick kiss.

           “You have nothing to be sorry about. I already put your order in,” he said as you sat across from him, taking a sip of the coffee he got you.

           “You know me so well,” you hummed with a giggle, the caramel latte tasting sweet. Cale grinned at you.

           “Technically, your coffee order was the first thing I learned about you, so I better get that right,” he chuckled. “That and you seemed like a huge nerd.” You faked offense, but laughed anyway.

           “It was all those books that got you. I knew my tactic of sitting in a coffee shop would work for me one day,” you winked at him.

           “It did. I’d never seen nothing like you,” he grinned, reaching into his pocket to take out a small velvet jewelry box.

Never seen, never seen nothin' like you Ain't never seen anything like you Mmm Never seen nothin' like you

Tagging: @yeahcalesy @avsfans95  @tysojost​ 

[ladyeliot]

Strawberry shortcake

Valentine’s Day (Prompts)

Request:  @imerdwarf​ Ooooh I love your valentine's Day prompts! May I send in a request with dialogue #5 please for Bucky x Reader? I don't mind if you write smut or fluff 💜 thank you so much my dear friend 💜

“I’m your husband; I’m your automatic valentine.”

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary:  In a completely alternate universe, you and Bucky are an unusually quirky, but completely happy couple set in the 1940s, but nothing is as it seems.

Warnings: 40s. Parallel Universe, Fluff.

Word count: 2858

A/N: Inspired by WandaVision. Sorry for my spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language, I am learning.

It is known that some people live in a world of dreams, while others prefer to face reality as it presents itself to us; then there is you, who has turned your own reality into a dream.

A dim flame adorned the room from the centre of the table, making warm lights clash against the shadows. Duke Ellington set the melody to that Friday evening, while a sweet aroma of turkey confit wafted from the little nooks and crannies of the oven, drifting out of the kitchen and into every room. The ticking of the wall clock informed you that time was not standing still and that it was getting closer and closer to your arrival. You had taken your time to organise yourself, there was nothing you were better at and even more so when such an important day was about to arrive. You had bought flowers to welcome her into the hall, her favourite wine from the French vineyards and that perfume for you that you knew would melt as she approached to kiss you.

That day was no ordinary day, a red circle was surrounding that 14th of February and although you still hadn't figured out why, there must have been something special about it, that's why you had put your hands to work so that everything would turn out exquisitely. You knew that your husband would arrive tired from work, that that car company would leave him exhausted at the end of the week, but as a good wife you had been foresighted with everything. You wanted him to leave all the worries and problems behind and for that night to be as special as possible, and for that you had to radiate beauty. But maybe there was something else, to be honest you weren't a housewife like any other, that organisation was your forte didn't mean that you knew how to cook, how to keep a house and you were attentive to the care that a traditional husband needed, because neither you nor Bucky were what they call 'traditional'. But for one day in your life you wanted to try to be.

You had every corner of the kitchen under scrutiny, the orange sauce prepared, the potatoes cooked, the strawberry shortcake in the fridge and the turkey slowly cooking in the oven. You were able to nod to yourself and give yourself a smile of satisfaction that you had managed to complete each of those tasks without having to ask for outside help. You took off your apron, you knew it was the perfect time to do the finishing touches before your husband would be home in half an hour. You went upstairs to put the red lipstick on your lips and treat your earlobes to the earrings Bucky had given you for your birthday, you stood thoughtfully staring at yourself in the mirror, it was strange you could barely remember where you went to celebrate.

A roar from outside brought you out of your thoughts for a moment, you knew that sound, it was the engine of Bucky's car. Time had finally caught up with you, you slipped your slender feet into your high heels and sped down the stairs. His figure was visible through the translucent glass of the front door and when the door opened you raised your arms and gave him one of your broadest smiles, standing in the middle of the stairs.

"Good evening dear," you exclaimed in a sweet melody, continuing to pause on the fifth step. "How was your day?

Unlike you, Bucky's facial expression was rather more subdued, as he just looked at you without any encouragement, closed the door behind him and left the briefcase on the floor. In spite of your attitude your spirits hardly waned, and as you had intended, like a good wife you approached him to take his coat and scarf in your arms and give him the pleasure of kissing your lips.

"Is something the matter?" he frowned, letting himself take off his coat.

"Not at all. I'm just giving my husband the welcome he deserves," you argued, kissing his cheek, making Bucky smile in surprise at your behaviour.

"Interesting," he stood there watching you place his belongings on the coat rack in the hall. "Have you cooked?"

"Exactly," you affirmed, offering him passage to the lounge so he could make himself comfortable in the armchair nearest the fireplace, which was alight. "Turkey confit with orange sauce and strawberry shortcake. A glass of wine?"

"Is this about anything in particular?" he asked again after getting her to take a seat. "Am I forgetting something? Because if so, I beg your pardon, darling."

On the one hand you were surprised that he didn't know what that red circle denoted around the number 14 on the kitchen wall calendar either, but on the other you assumed he must have too much on his mind to focus on it. Still, you set out to celebrate in the most special way that night, so that whatever that mark meant, it would be a success.

"I don't think we have to celebrate anything in particular for me to want to cook dinner and help you get rid of work problems," you offered him the glass of wine and sat on the armrest. "I guess that's what you usually do."

"Then I have nothing more to say," Bucky set the wine glass down on a small table next to the couch and wrapped his arms around you causing you to fall on top of him.

The laughter of the two of you projected through you and crashed against the four walls. You were lying in his lap, which made it easier for your gaze to bring his face close to yours and offer you a warm, soft kiss on your lips, taking in much of the reddish lipstick you had just put on.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered for the millisecond he pulled away from you before returning to kiss you again.

The surroundings helped to create such a homely atmosphere, the Duke Ellington solos from the record player, the lights and shadows coming from the fire in the fireplace, the smell of the turkey confit coming from the oven...

"Shit!" you suddenly broke away from Bucky, trying to get up a little clumsily from the armchair to run towards the kitchen, where a smell of burning was coming from.

"What's going on?" Bucky followed you at high speed, stopping your hand that was going to open the oven to do it himself.

When that door opened a greyish smoke invaded the room, taking over as far as your eyes could see. Your emotions ebbed in that instant, accompanied by an insufferable moan of agony. Bucky took over the opening of the windows, allowing the smoke to fade away. You slumped over the counter, all the work of that afternoon had been for nothing, on the contrary, now you barely had anything for dinner. Light laughter came from inside your husband who stood beside you with his hands on his hips watching you.

"I'm not amused," you said, folding your arms as you stared at her lips stained with her lipstick. "I've been working so hard to make something decent for dinner tonight for when you got home. I had it all prepared, I wanted to surprise you and now it's all gone to waste."

"Sorry dear," Bucky stopped his laughter but a smile was still present on his face. He approached you and took your face in his hands. "I don't want you to do all this for me, but I really appreciate it. You know I'm happy with anything, as long as I share it with you. I don't need any of this."

"I know, but today is a special day and I wanted to do something special," you pointed to the calendar, a place where Bucky's eyes landed without taking his hands away from your face.

"I knew I was forgetting something," he whispered to himself and looked back up at you. "You may want to kill me after this question, but what are we celebrating today?"

You brought your hands to his and caressed them, your mind was really blank, you didn't have an answer to his question. You knew it wasn't either of your birthdays, you didn't really remember what day your birthday was, which was a little unsettling for you, but you knew it wasn't your birthday. It wasn't your anniversary either, nor were you pregnant enough to celebrate, there was no promotion at work, nor had you met anyone for lunch or dinner, as sadly you had just moved to that neighbourhood and had no friends. So what could that mark on the calendar symbolise?

"I don't know!" you exclaimed, completely frustrated at the situation. "I thought you would know, I've been preparing for this day all week and I don't know why. I didn't want to ask you because you would think I would have forgotten something important."

Bucky lowered his hands to your shoulders in an attempt to relax you, while his face wore a thoughtful expression, trying to figure out what day it was.

"Maybe..." he said with a blank stare. "No, I don't remember what we're celebrating today." A groan of exhaustion came from inside you. "But it doesn't matter darling, the important thing is that we're together, we have a delicious strawberry shortcake for us, a bottle of wine and Duke Ellington. What more could we ask for?"

You didn't know how but he always managed to make you feel as if you were the luckiest person in the universe, just having those blue eyes looking at you as if you were his life, made him your life. You stood on tiptoe, reaching up to his lips and trapping them between yours, wrapping your arms around his neck and deepening the kiss.

"I love you," you mumbled still with your eyes closed.

"I love you more," he kissed your lips softly again, wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you close to him tightly and lifting you off the ground. "And now, let's have dinner."

He reached out his right arm, opening the refrigerator door to pull out the homemade strawberry shortcake you had prepared. You had to admit that at first glance it looked very good, you had done a great job in that regard, the problem was that you had tasted it during its preparation and the appearance didn't account for the taste, it had turned out too bland to become the main course. You had hoped that Bucky had lost all appetite with the unsuspecting turkey so he wouldn't want to try the pie, but things hadn't gone as planned.

"It looks great, my dear," he said, slipping a finger inside and popping it into his mouth, you frowned in anticipation of his approval. "And... it's really exquisite."

"Oh, please," you added almost with a chuckle, "it's awful, I know, I've been so dry and clueless. I'm such a mess."

"No!" he exclaimed sticking his finger back into the cake. "It's scrumptious darling, I promise."

You cocked your head to the side watching as Bucky was eating practically the entire cake in front of you, just to please you and make you feel no worse than you already did. That image you knew was going to stick in your memory, your husband with his face covered in strawberry jam, red lipstick around his mouth and his hands all smeared, smiling at you. You couldn't help but laugh, which caused him to pause as he sucked on his fingers.

"What are you laughing at?" he asked with a grin.

"At your face, it's a mess."

"My face?" he pointed to his face and then reached up to march your strawberry jam cheek."Whoops!"

"No!" You exclaimed taking a step backwards in laughter, you reached your hands out towards him, in a vain attempt to stop him, as he counterattacked again. "Buck! Hold still."

"Now who's face is a mess?" he asked cornering you in between the countertop and his body, in an attempt to make a Picasso on your face.

His attempts to turn your face into a work of art stopped and you were able to open your eyes again to watch him, playfully reaching out your tongue to taste the jam that was smeared across his cheek, causing a half smile to take over his features.

"You were really right, it is exquisite," you said, unconsciously biting your lower lip.

"I told you so," he whispered repeating your movement, licking your nose very slowly, and then placing a kiss on your lips.

As if on cue, the front doorbell rang, interrupting the moment of intimacy you had forged in the kitchen and bringing strawberry jam into the room. Strangely you both looked in the direction of the front door, wondering if you were expecting a visit from someone in particular. Bucky broke away from you and turned with the intention of opening the door.

"Honey!" you exclaimed after him, approaching him with extreme speed with a napkin in your hands to clean up the mess you had both created on his face.

"Thank you," he kissed you again and placed his hand on the doorknob to open the door.

The situation was that the gesture he brought was quite peculiar, you were standing next to your husband, flashing your sweetest smile, which was instantly wiped away when that door showed you two figures even more smiling than you.

"Happy Valentine's Day from the Pierces!" exclaimed an ostentatiously dressed woman in a pink dress. "We're sorry to disturb you at this hour, I'm Susan, and this is my husband Alexander. We've organised a small barbecue for the nearest neighbours, and we wanted to invite you to join us for dinner, so we can get to know each other once and for all," she looked you up and down with a tiny giggle. "If you're not busy, of course."

They were a rather peculiar pair at first glance, or so it seemed to you, though seen from the outside at the time you and Bucky weren't exactly the most ordinary thing in the neighbourhood either. Your prejudices marked that Susan looked like the neighbourhood gossipy neighbour who offered a smile to your face but then behind your back criticised any move you made, on the contrary Alexander had a rather funny moustache and seemed to be terrified of his wife, what caught your attention the most was a distinctive pin on his jacket lapel that read 'HYDRA'.

"Of course!" you exclaimed with a slightly unfounded tone. "We'd be delighted to attend, I was just talking to my husband today about how much we were looking forward to meeting the neighbours if only they were half as charming as the neighbourhood."

"You'll see we're all one big family," Susan replied, taking your hand in hers. "Well, I'll see you now. The others will be delighted when I let them know you're coming."

After several comments and a long goodbye, the door closed behind you, causing your features to return to their normal state. Bucky watched you with a raised eyebrow, waiting for a response to the strange attitude you had just maintained a few seconds before, but you only gave him a half-smile.

"So Valentine's Day?" you said, walking into the living room, where the LP had ended but the needle was still spinning. "How could we forget something like that?"

Bucky wrapped his arms around your waist and you did the same by wrapping yours around his neck, dancing to the sound of silence.

"Maybe because Valentine's Day is every day for us?" he said moving closer to your lips but not quite touching them.

"Good point," you affirmed, brushing his nose with yours.

But at that moment the discovery that you had forgotten Valentine's Day was a tremendous disappointment inside you, compounded by how disastrous the dinner had turned out.

"So, even though I'm a little late... will you be my valentine?" a wide smile that reminded your husband of childlike innocence fell across your face.

"Darling, I'm your husband; I'm your automatic valentine." he closed the distance to your lips. "And I'll remain so for the rest of your life."

The depth of the kiss deepened, adding gentle brushes between your tongues, rediscovering again and again what your taste was, until Bucky suddenly broke away.

"Wait, do we really have to go to that barbecue?" he whispered in disgust at the thought.

"I think we're in control of our lives," you narrowed your eyes with a smile, "so we can do as we please."

Taglist Open (DM)

MAIN MASTERLIST

[dameronology]

more than anything {poe dameron}

summary: poe can be oddly insightful in his own way, and with the pressure of the resistance pulling you down, it's exactly what you need (for @disastersim !! i hope you enjoy angel <3)

warnings: language, one slight innuendo

enjoy!

- jazz

Working for the Resistance could be exhausting in every sense of the worst - emotionally, physically, mentally. Constantly fighting for a cause that had no guaranteed pay off was beyond challenging and the fight - the wars and the battles and the bloodshed - didn't seem to be coming to an end anytime soon. There were days where you made leaps and bounds towards entirely wiping out the First Order, in the same way that there were days when they made strides towards completely wiping out your side of the fight. It was a constant tug of war between good and bad; of course, it wasn't all that black and white, but it was difficult to see what anyone saw in the First Order's extreme principles. That was especially the case when your own comrades packed up and left the base to join them. With that said, there were more than enough people who left that side to come to yours. Ones who saw the Resistance as a source of hope- a light at the end of an awfully fucking long tunnel.

That's what you had to constantly remind yourself off: light. Hope. Courage. All the things that you'd sworn to fight for as long as you could remember - the very values that you so desperately held onto in an attempt to not completely lose it - and the ones you kept so close to your heart. Sometimes, it was easy to do so; easy to believe that the Resistance was going to pull through and that light would shine on the galaxy once again. Other times? Not so much. It was normal to have dark days and sad days but as of late, it had been dark weeks and sad weeks. Your team of fellow mechanical engineers had done their best to lift your spirits, but the weight on your soul was a little too much. It was just something that would have to pass naturally.

It had been effecting your sleep too, to the point where you found yourself wandering the base alone at night. The only other people who were awake were those on the nightshift, and the occasional droid that would whirr around the corner. From where you sat in the garage, you would hear the clank clank clank of Threepio fumbling about the base - he would sometimes say hello, and other you help with whatever it was that you were repairing or tinkering with. For the most part, though, he kept to himself. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, because his famous catchphrase of we're doomed! wasn't entirely the best thing for your morale.

So, there you were at 3AM, Poe's t-shirt hanging off your shoulders and the contents of his X-Wing laid out in front of you. Really, you were just taking it apart and putting it back together as a past time - like some kind of weird puzzle - but you were also looking at potential improvements. His only request was that you made it faster, which seemed a bit counter-intuitive when he of all people could have learnt the value of slowing down. The man was like a whirl wind, breezing in and out of different missions and meetings, barely stopping to take a break to think. The only time he truly and really calmed down was when he was with you; you were his safe space, and the only place he could let his barriers down. The pilot spent hours upon hours curled up against you, murmuring sleepily about nothing and everything all at once.

"This is a stupid time to be awake." (Speak of the devil, and thou shall appear).

Tossing your spanner down, you turned around to see Poe. He was leaning against the door, brown hair tousled with sleep and dark eyes heavy with his remaining tiredness. He was a heavy sleeper, so more often than not he didn't even realise you were gone - but if he woke up and saw your absence, there wasn't a chance in hell that he could get back to sleep. He needed you beside him at the best times, but especially at night.

"I couldn't sleep," you confessed.

"There's been a lot of that going around lately," Poe replied. He slowly approached you, holding out his arms as he did so that you could fall against his chest.

"I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, there's a stupid owl outside my window that woke me up," he said, pressing a kiss to your forehead. He gently tangled your fingers together and brushed his thumb over the back of your hand. "I sent BB-8 to deal with it."

"Of course you did," you smiled. "I just gotta put this back together and I'll come back to bed."

"What's keeping you up?" Poe asked. "You've been really quiet lately."

You'd always been hesitant to tell Poe about your doubts: he was the epitome of what a good Resistance fighter was, and the beating heart of the entire cause. He never seemed to slip up, or lose hope, to the point where you sometimes wondered if he was naive. It did make sense, after all - his mother had fought hard for the Rebellion, as had his father. Having perfect balance of a rebellious side and a heart of pure fucking gold was probably engrained into his very D.N.A.

"There's a lot on my mind," you admitted. "It never seems to quieten down."

"I get that," Poe gave your hands a light squeeze. "Wanna talk about it?"

"It's probably dumb-"

"- your feelings are always valid, even if they're dumb."

Hopping up onto the wings of the jet beside you, he stuck out his hand and helped you clamber up beside him. The hangar itself was freezing cold - even in the tropical climate of Ajan Kloss - so he wound an arm around your side, pulling you closer to keep you warm. Just Poe's presence alone was enough to pull your mind out the dredges, and the gentle smell of his shower gel and aftershave was a comfort too. It was a mixture of spicy and sweet.

"Go on," Poe said. "I'll be your therapist for the next ten minutes, and then forever if you want."

"What do you charge per hour, Doc?"

He nudged your side with a grin. "We'll get to that later."

You rolled your eyes, but continued all the same. "Everything's just been a lot, lately. All the fighting and the missions, and we keep having set back after set back and I'm tired. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I have no way of shifting it."

Poe's brown eyes flickered away from you for a minute as he pondered on your statement. Unbeknownst to you, he absolutely related - despite his outwards hopefulness and resilient exterior, he had days where he was exhausted too. It was made even more so by the fact that people turned to him to keep them encouraged too - he did have his own brand of ironic wisdom, after all - and it really took it out of him. It was like everybody around him expected him to keep them afloat when he felt like drowning.

"I understand," Poe replied. "The galaxy is a demanding place and sometimes it's more than we can handle. I have days where I feel like everything is going wrong and I just want to curl up in my bed and sleep forever."

"Sounds so tempting," you murmured.

"It does, but that's not how it works, sadly," he continued. "You just gotta...push forward, you know? That's much easier said than done but I find the trick is to take it day by day. Have some caff, get a hug from your favourite person and just pull through til you can collapse into bed and hide under the covers."

"And you do that? Every day?"

"Not everyday," Poe said. "There are good days too, like the ones where we get to eat lunch together, or the ones where BB-8 hacks the big screen in the canteen and shows the video of Hux falling over."

You couldn't help but laugh at that. The little droid had his own way of brightening the lives of those around him, but it was that video in particular that never failed to make you laugh. He'd accidentally recorded it on a break out mission and whenever people needed reminding that the slimy bastards at the First Order weren't completely untouchable, BB-8 would be on it.

"I love those days too," you gently smiled. "The whole day by day things sounds a lot more manageable than trying to digest the concept of time as a whole."

"Exactly," Poe nodded. "And you gotta find joy in those little things. Like, whenever I'm having a really bad day, I'll come and find you and annoy you. That little smile you get when you're trying really hard not to crack and laugh at me always makes things a thousand times better."

"I like that," you replied.

"Then one day, when we've won this fight and we can go home, we can still take things day by day, but it'll be little steps towards other things, like...marriage? I think that's the next logical step."

You thinned your eyes at him. "Is this a proposal?"

"If you have to ask whether it's a proposal, then it's not a proposal," Poe shot back. "You'll know when I'm asking you to marry me."

"I look forward to it," you pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you for listening to me. You can be weirdly philosophical."

"I'm smart and good looking," Poe cheekily grinned. "Man, I really am the whole package."

"And moment's gone-"

"- I'm sorry!"

He quickly wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against his chest. His cheek was pressed up against your forehead, stubble tickling your skin as he held you, softly swaying from side to side.

"I love you," he murmured. "And truth be told, that's the thing that gets me through those bad days."

"You going soft on me, Dameron?" you quietly joked. "I love you too - more than anything."

Poe released his grip on you before taking your hand and helping you climb down from the jet. You still had a few hours till you had to be up and now that the emotional weight on your brain had been relieved ever-so-slightly, you were more than ready to collapse beside the pilot and get some much needed rest.

What Poe had said had begun to change your perspective on things; rather than viewing the galaxy as one whole glob of shitty things, you had to go through it with a fine toothed comb. Find the little things that were sprinkled amongst the bad things, like the way Poe looked at you with a sparkle in his eyes, or the way Finn laughed at words that sounded naughty but weren't naughty. Then there were the times when Leia would give you warm hugs, and when Rey would try and make everyone pancakes on quiet moments.

So yes, the galaxy could suck and yes, the Resistance could be tough, but you had the best people around you. They were the life support that was going to help you see it through.

"C'mon, baby," Poe tugged your arm slightly. "Let's go to bed."

"Yeah," you replied. "Let's."

He wound his arm around you and held you tightly, guiding you back to your room.