#this one has is an idea ive had for YEARS but i havent been able to do it until now bc i was going thru it irl lmao

[theshipshipper]

all eyes on us || a streamer x celebrity jonsa au

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |

Summary:

Sansa is one of the biggest popstars on the planet, Jon is among the top streamers in Westeros -- and the internet goes wild when their well-hidden connection is uncovered.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

im a trans boy who has grown up with very oppressive religious parents so ive never gotten the chance to experiment sexually or romantically with peers irl, im about to move to the city for college in the fall

(i will be living on campus with two roommates who i haven't met yet and i know basically nothing about, one of them i will be sharing a bunk bed with)

im really nervous about how im gonna do socially.. ive had a really hard time making and maintaining irl friends for like my entire life, which has been really upsetting for me obviously.

being able to experiment sexually is something im really wanting to do and im really really nervous about it, i know that the most straightforward advice is just "talk about it to people you wanna do sex stuff with" but like everything is new to me i havent had the chance to really socialize irl up until this point and now im being shoved into a group of other young adults who all have the prior experience of being well socialized and having complex interpersonal relationships with peers

i also feel extremely insecure about my lack of experience, like is it actually normal for someone my age to have never had a romantic or sexual encounter? are the things ive discovered and assumptions ive made about myself sexually through masturbating wrong?? i can't watch porn bc looking at strangers having sex grosses me out!! im pretty sure my front hole is like unnaturally tight?? anything wider than two of my fingers is uncomfortable and no matter how much prep and easing myself into it i do, it stays that way.. and i think my cervix is also lower than most, about 3-4 inches is the maximum that i can insert before i can feel it bump my cervix (which hurts REALLY BAD)

im just so nervous and scared about my own body and personality and all that andi don't know where to look for resources or reassurance. ive never been to the doctor for any kind of reproductive care and im really scared to!!! i live in a state that has completely outlawed abortion rights and im really scared that if i go to planned parenthood or something to get like a checkup that they will be mean and not gentle with me

i don't know, i guess im just looking to be heard and hopefully pointed towards some resources if anyone has any, thank you for the work you do and thank you for taking the time to read my panicked ramblings

hi anon,

there's a lot happening here so I'm just doing a numbered list

1.) man, how did the third guy luck out and avoid the bunk bed? you don't have to answer that, I'm just curious how you guys have already worked out that two of you are stuck with the bunk beds. unless you're into bunk beds (I was), in which case mazel tov.

2.) in the nicest way possible, I think you may be vastly overestimating how "well socialized" other students are going to be. reading between the lines a bit, it sounds like you were maybe home schooled, or at least don't have very much experience mingling with other people your age without adult supervision. I guarantee you every public school in the world is also full of introverted freak losers who rock up to college with no idea of what they're doing; I was one of them. the majority of first year college students are also running around panicking and trying to figure out how to be away from their parents for the first time; everyone is a loser and no one is cool.

would it comfort you at all to know that my day job is organizing events at my office's LGBT student resource center? I spend a lot of time hanging out with queer first year students, and I love them dearly, and they're all cringefail losers. it's unavoidable. every 18 year old is a cringefail loser. every single person on Earth looks back at their 18 year old self and goes "goddamn, what a cringefail loser." and it's fine! it's so normal! that's the entire point of your first year of college! you try things and you're socially awkward and you meet some of the most important people you will ever meet and you meet people whose opinions about you won't matter literally at all and you'll completely change how you think about everything for the rest of your life and you'll think you're going to die and everything will be fine!!!!

anyway moving on

3.) it's normal for anyone at any age to have never had a romantic or sexual encounter. I'm assuming you value my insight at least a little, since you sent this, so would it help you to know that I arrived at college as virginal as could be (wildly insecure about it, btw) and didn't have sex for the first time until I was almost 21? would it comfort you to hear from my housemate, also transmasculine, who gave me permission to share that they've never had sex and that none of their life problems really have anything to do with being a virgin?

4.) "are the things ive discovered and assumptions ive made about myself sexually through masturbating wrong??" hard to say, since I don't know what those things are, but probably not. it's extremely hard to get masturbating wrong, no one knows what feels good to you better than you. you're sort of an authority here. masturbating isn't exactly like partnered sex, of course, but it's a really good place to start learning about things that you like and make you feel good.

5.) everything you're describing about your front hole sounds very typical. two fingers is the max number of comfortable fingers for a lot of people, regardless of experience; often, taking something larger doesn't become easier until after having penetrative sex with a partner. average vaginal depth is about 3.6 inches, and while that can increase significantly with arousal, it's something that doesn't generally happen if you're not relaxed during sex. if I can be a bit presumptuous, it sounds like sex and masturbation are maybe a bit anxiety-inducing for you, in a way that is pretty much perfectly contradictory to comfortable penetration. if I can offer you some advice I wish I could give my younger self: calm the fuck down, buy some lube, stop worrying so much about making your body react the way you think it should and learn to appreciate what it's actually doing, and maybe see if your campus has some free therapy options available. anxiety meds probably wouldn't hurt this situation. also stop hitting your cervix if that hurts oh my god.

6.) Planned Parenthood is generally one of the best places to go if you're nervous; they're aggressively queer friendly and tend to be extremely accommodating of patients' needs. I personally do not care for penetration at all and have a difficult time with Pap smears, and every examiner I've ever had at PP has been an angel about letting me take breaks and swear my way through it. it ain't fun, but if you want to have an adventurous sex life you need to take care of the health of yourself and your prospective partners by getting STI tests and Pap smears.

you're so normal, calm down, I love you

[blackheart-6]

noelle holiday age progression chart

without height lines

explanations of designs:

hi yall

so, i actually finished this drawing like a week ago lol. but i didnt want to post a bunch of drawing in a row, and then i got sick, so i havent been able to post it till now!

its my imaginings of what noelle looked like as she grew up, and a potential adult noelle design! ill explain my thought processes about these designs below, if anyones interested 😁

i also plan on doing one of these with dess, but this one was pretty difficult, so it might be awhile before that (unless yalls are interested in seeing it?)

first off, im not 100% sure ill keep using all these designs. some of them im not that happy with (im no good at designing outfits 😔) but i just went with them so i could finish the drawing. so if anyone has any alternative outfit ideas for any of her ages, id be interested in seeing/hearing it!

secondly, something that may stick out to yall for all the designs is how tall she gets. its the same height i normally draw her with, but given how i usually draw her by herself you cant really tell how tall she is! i have 3 main reasons for why i headcanon her as this tall: deer are pretty tall irl, so having her be tall makes sense in my head; i just like the look of her being super tall, it makes me happy lol; and third, i personally also headcanon the holiday family as boss monsters (i think ive explained this headcanon before on here, so i wont explain again, unless someone is interested ^^). so yeah, she ends up being 7 feet tall as an adult, the second tallest in her family!

also, i gave all her children forms stripes in some way, as a reference to when monster kid in undertale says they can tell frisk is a kid because of their stripes!

now onto my explainations for individual drawings!

theres nothing really to say about her baby design. the only thing i did that might be new is give her faun spots! they are most plentiful on her baby form, but they persist until shes in her teens, i would say (on here you cant see them after age 7, but thats just because i imagine they are mostly on her back). and i gave her a cute lil onsie that says a-deer-able! if you guys cant read it ^^

this outfit i made for her toddler design is actually an outfit ive used in the past! i wonder if yall know what drawing it was? its pretty much the same as it was there, i just added a stripe to the shirt. i felt like overalls are so reminiscent of childhood, i had to give at least one of her designs them! i also added a little mistletoe to the front pocket, to make it more christmas-esque. and i gave her some bandaids, just cause.

7 years old is one of the designs i really struggled on, and im still not happy with it. i dunno if ive said this yet, but i headcanon noelle to be trans, so at 7 is when i decided she started realizing it. so here i gave her long sleeves and pants, to show how shes more hidden now because shes unhappy with herself, if that makes any sense? i was also trying to make her look a bit like a nerd, with the button up and khakis, just because its funny. but yeah, ill probably end up changing this design at some point :P

11 years old was one of the easiest to do, considering how ive had her design for this age for awhile lol. one thing i did change was going from 2 red/white stripes to one, but ive done that before, so it wasnt something entirely new. i also gave her a smile and closed eyes, cause shes happy being a girl 🥰. other that that, its the same, so yeah, thats it for this part

okay, this next design is a fairly different looking one than all the rest, but i have my reasons! at this point in noelles live, dess has gone missing, so i wanted to show her being sad and stuff. i also gave her shoes and long sleeves because she probably goes out looking for dess when she can, hoping to find a lead 😭. but outside of in-story stuff, this outfit is based off of an old one i drew, but its fairly edited, so i wouldnt be surprised if no one recognizes it even if they have seen my old stuff. she has straight hair here, to show how unhappy she is (idk what it is about straight hair it just feels sad) and because i wanted to give her different hair varieties on this progression chart. i gave her antlers 2 prongs each at this point, because the way i see deer monsters, their antlers show their growth/aging, so youll see them getting bigger and having more prongs as the chart continues.

this outfit for 15 is another one i dont like. i tried to make it similar to her current outfit, but still pretty different. im not even sure what precisely i dont like about this outfit, it just doesnt feel that good. for this one i gave her leg warmers because i used to (and sometimes still do) draw her normal outfit with them. i gave her the curly hair she has as a callback to when i used to draw her hair like that! but yeah, ill probably end up redoing this one too

for 17, i just gave her the normal outfit, so it was easy ^^. in game i think shes 16, but close to turning 17, so i just went with 17 here to fit the +2 age pattern thing i had going on. i also gave her an extra horn prong than i normally give her, just to show age once again

finally, her adult design! i dont like this one either lol. i spent so long trying to think of what outfit to give her, but i couldnt come up with something i liked >.< so i just gave her something simple. i feel like once noelle graduates high school and probably goes to college she branches out more and tries things her mother never let her do, which is why i gave her an outfit like that, that has a crop top and a shorter skirt. also, yalls might recognize the hair style i gave her, i drew a potential adult noelle before and i gave her the same hair ^^

i think thats all for the post! i probably have more thoughts that im just not thinking of, but its fine for now. i hope yall enjoyed the drawing, and if you have any question or comments or whatever, go ahead and say them!! if youve made it this far, have a cookie, you must be hungry after reading so much ^^ 🍪

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hello everyone, today I'll do something never before seen on the flames and darkness liveblog which is read TWO chapters!! Idk man, i havent been able to read more than one chapter at a time recently because this book suddenly turned into such a slog to get through, although granted that might also just be my mental illness making it more difficult. whatever, i'll be in treatment for that next week

Anyway, today I'll be reading chapter 44 which is the star fall chapter, and chapter 45 which is. a chapter. Knowing this book series nothing of note is gonna happen in that one but that wont stop me from reading it

Chapter 44

Okay, theyre mentioning Feyre not looking so emancipated amymore and it made me remember all the weird weight shit from the start of this book. Like, she was losing weight because she was throwing up all the time and then not eating a lot and everyone was constantly remarking on that and it was unbelievably uncomfortable, but then when Feyre officially joined the night court and everyone immediately stopped talking about it, it almost feels a little manipulative, if that makes sense. Like, this book is ostensibly about Feyres healing journey but the Night Court cannot, under any circumstances, have anything negative associated with it so her trauma basically just disappears so we dont have to see the unpleasant parts of her recovery, she has one (1) nightmare after she starts living there permanently, one (1) moment where she feels too depressed to leave the bed and a few moment where she acts out but then immediately feels bad for it every time

Ughhhhh Feyre is wearing a dress for this which is really frustrating but you guys already know how I feel about that so shant go into that much more detail on this

I swear Im not just saying this to be a hater, Feyres dress sounds so tacky too

yoooooooo is Cassian implying he'd like to wear a tacky ass dress too??

and yet hes just wearing a BLACK TUNIC bro Feyre is literally covered in diamonds from head to toe so she can look like a shooting star or whatever and Cassian doesnt even have the decency to wear a black tunic that glitters or something?? Or hell, maybe even a red tunic to match his siphons, idk, give me SOMETHING im gonna tear my fucking hair out

Feyre is wondering about the IC being her friends and its like, girlie theyre barely even each others friends and youve known each other for maybe half a year to their 500 years

Feyre is describing Azriel hungrily staring at Mor's ass and it reminded me of that one bonus chapter Ive seen discussions about where he's really horny about Elain in a way thats pretty uncomfortable, and a lot of ex-Elriels say that it made them stop liking the idea of the ship because thats when they realized that SJM was just gonna mutilate both of their characters for the sake of smut, but honestly I dont think she would even need to mutilate Az that much

I could not give less of a shit about the Mor/Cassian/Azriel drama but I have to admit its kinda funny reading about Feyre speculating so much about Mor's relationships knowing shes gonna turn out to be interested in women

Mor says that Rhysand was very upset after she had sex with Cassian and beat him up as hard as he could (#incest) but she says he wasnt upset because of her virginity but because of the danger she put herself in by losing it, which is like, first of all that seems like splitting hairs, he was still upset that she lost her virginity even though that was none of his business. And second of all, I think it would actually make sense for him to have the kind of archaic sexist beliefs that would make Mor losing her virginity upsetting to him, considering he was also 17 when that happened just like Mor and Im guessing there wasnt anyone around to teach him feminism. or maybe hes so feminist he came out of the womb believing in womens rights and didnt need to be taught anything

god, the inner circle dynamics are so comically fucked up I have no idea how they can stand being around each other

Again, Im not much of a Feylin girlie but "Your hair looks... clean." >>>>>>>>>>>>>> "You look like a women again." (???? whats thag even supposed to mean)

So Rhysand is not wearing a black tunic, but he is wearing wearing a black jacket which is equally disappointing. atleast he has his tits out i guess

Rhysand was gone for 50 years and yet his best friends are not spending any time with him at their first party together since theyve been seperated, thats what i call friendship goals

Yeah, I guess its kinda sad that Rhys missed out on important holiday that meant a lot to him while undr the mountain but you know who else had to do that? Literally everyone that wasnt from the spring court

So he doesnt wanna tell his friends, who are by all accounts doing alright because theyve spent the past few decades trapped in a beautiful idyllic city, about his trauma but hes perfectly fine traumadumping on a twenty year old woman who just started to recover from her own trauma

Maybe Im just in a bad mood but this bullshit where theyre getting covered in star spirits or whatever feels so joyless to me, like its not whimsical or fun to me

Okay so, Ive heard about Rhysand calling Feyre exquisite and it made me cringe just thinking about it, but it looks like theyve translated that to him calling her 'herrlich' which means the exact same thing but it sounds a lot less weird and bad. once again, thank you, Alexandra

Feyre really just said "You regret sexually assaulting me? But why?" huh

Chapter 45:

Okay, thats the end of the chapter but theres two more things that kinda annoyed me that I didnt feel the need to mention as I was reading. 1) Feyre kept going on and on aboht Rhysand being her friend, it felt so insincere, its like sjm say a post online right before she started writing this chapter that was like "in the best relationships, your partner isnt just your partner but also your best friend" and decided to put that sentiment in her book, and 2) I felt like there were so many moments towards the end of that chapter where Feyre is like "oh, ive never felt this way with anyone" and its very obviously alluding to how she didnt love Tamlin as much as she does Rhysand now, and it was just very strange to read, like Tamlin was haunting the narrative even though hes not even dead yet

Uhm. so i got really tired all of a sudden so I took a nap at this point and read some gay vampire fanfic to rejunivate myself and now Im ready for whatever happens in the next chapter

"I was a traitor. [...] Even though I oficially left Tamlin - it was only two months ago, after all. By Fae standards that was probably barely more than a day." Oh yeah, i havent been keeping track of the time thanks for reminding me that this story about immortals is moving at a breakneck pace for no goddamn reason. But also, as an author trying to write a grand long-lasting romance, why would you write this. I know Feysand are gonna get married at the end of book and now when I get to that point Im not gonna be thinking "wowwww such romance" Im gonna be thinking "damn these bozos did the fae equivalent of getting eloped in vegas after knowing each other for barely a week"

Oh, men of all ages are training at this camp? would you say some of them are. child-aged

Feyre is being all "its so cold here, im freezing in my illyrian leathers I cant imagine a child with no clothes surviving here for a single day, much less eight years" (referring to Cassian) and yet she doesnt spare a single thought to all the children who have to be at this camp as well because this is the camp that the batboys grew up in, its not like this is a different kind of camp where they dont train children

God I hate Feyre thinking about how fuckin powerful the batboys are especially because its like, Rhysand is literally their high lord, he already holds so much power over the guys running this camp we dont need a reminder that he could easily crush their minds or that his goons need more syphons to contain the totality of their power or whatever

I get that these guys are like, shitty misogynists or whatever, but I dont think Rhys throwing them out of the house they live in is some #boyboss move hes just being an asshole

Rhysand would never want to lock Feyre in a house for protection, but he does want to decapitate anyone who lays a hand on her which is soooooo much better

Rhysand keeps calling the.... "females" of this camp "girls" which implies one of two things: 1) hes talking about adult women, hes just calling them girls, which is not very feminist of our feminist king, or 2) hes talking about actual girls aka children which. thank god for our feminist king having equal-opportunity child soldiers

Its actually kind of surreal how theyre at the camp where the batboys spent their CHILDhoods and Feyre keeps talking about what it mustve been like for Cassian while the narrative is actively avoiding talking about children being at the camp at this present moment while also not outright stating "there are no kids here at this present moment"

"'[The clipping of the wings is] to ensure the safety of their women, they said.'" this reminds me of something @/kateprincessofbluewhales said in regards to Rhysand forcing illyrian women to train but not doing anything else to advance their rights, which is that the wing clipping mightve started as a way for men to help women dodge the 'draft' that seems to be mandatory for all healthy illyrians. I dont really have anything else to say about that, it just popped into my head and i thought it was interesting

Rhysand is talking about how at some of the camps, women are declared anti-marriage material if they train and how he cant do anything about that and its like, even if these women are not officially declared unmarriable or whatever, the misogynistic men that make up these camps are probably not gonna wanna marry a women who trains, so what difference does that really make

Also, he says the only thing he could do about 'laws' like that is to murder the warlords and take their children/trainees? under his wing and I guess he thinks he would have to do that for every camp that does that but honestly, I think just doing it once or twice would send a powerful enough message to discourage other warlords from being misogynistic. And he wouldnt have to raise all these children all by himself either, Im sure he could get the help of a few non-sexist men or even, gasp, some women. Like those priestesses living in that library Im sure some of the ones that have already recovered from their trauma somewhat wouldnt mind teaching some boys about the harm that misogyny does

Okay so the blood rite is called a Blutritual [blood ritual] in german which is a little confusing because a ritual is a pretty specific thing and I dont think the blood rite is that specific thing but whatever, it sounds cool enough

Ive said this before, I am not a Tamlin girlie, at best I prefer him to Rhysand, and I dont like or trust Rhysand at all, but imagine hearing that tragic story about how their families killed each other, leaving them as the only survivors and being like "I cant believe Tamlin killed Rhysands family!!" especially when its like, the only person Feyre actually knows Tamlin killed is Rhysands dad who sucked ass, its not exactly a great loss

I feel like i had a lot of thoughts about a lot of things in this chapter that I couldnt write down because theyre these abstract half-thoughts, so I think I'll let those marinate until theyre full thoughts and share them with you at some later date

[animalinvestigator]

hey! i havent had tumblr for a while but ive been thinking about cathys eldest sister who wants to run away when she turns 18. is she equipped at all to deal with the outside world? all of the kids seem pretty isolated. ty!

hello anonymous -- first of all let me just say, i am really touched that you remembered my story, and even a pretty minor character in it, and remained so interested that you sent this ask even after being away. really it means a lot more to me than i could ever articulate, i was so stunned and happy that you would. i appreciate it a lot. i really hope someday i can make the story real so that you'll be able to have all these answers without tumblr asks, LOL.

which made me think about -- how mysterious do i want to be to make sure everything still stays fresh if i ever do write it , lol. i thought for a bit about this, and i think i can still say plenty of things without giving away any plot beats or information i havent already shared. espescially about the character youre inquiring on ! so: about bridget.

even though bridget is a side character whose arc plays out largely incidentally in the background of the story, she's definitely the supporting cast member i've thought about most, because she shares a lot in common with catherine, but her motivation to escape is from a completely different perspective, and her approach is entirely different as well because of that.... i'm not sure how much i've talked about catherine's family's history, but they haven't always lived where they live, and they haven't always been as isolated as they are ; bridget is one of the few kids in the family who is old enough to remember a time when she was marginally less secluded from the world, where she was permitted to have relationships among a slightly broader community, instead of having no one and nothing outside of the nuclear family. this, combined with the amount of time she's spent living the way that she does, and the increased responsibility /mistreatment she incurred by being born first, leads her to a feeling that is shared between only her and cathy among her siblings, that something is deeply, implacably wrong with the only world she's ever known, and an abstract need to "run away" as a result.

UNLIKE cathy, bridget has the perspective to know that there does exist a world outside(though she's never been part of it) that she can run away to. because of this, and due to the repertoire she has built up over the years by adequately obeying her parents and avoiding their scrutiny, and her general grew-up-too-fast big sister maturity, she has the increased freedom and general skills she needs to actually enact an escape plan . to get to the meat of your question, though, that definitely does not translate exactly to being able to survive well and easily when she leaves. basically the only thing bridget has ever been is a homemaker, essentially; her days are commanded by the needs of her siblings and the demands of her parents, and there's little room for developing any sense of agency outside of her role as fill-in mother to the younger children in the family. i can't imagine there's anything she even wants to do when she gets out -- she wouldn't have any idea how to want things in the first place -- she has been actively discouraged from learning administrative adult tasks even as mundane as shopping for herself or driving a car out of a desire to keep her subserviant, and she has no safe grown-ups in her life to teach her these skills. she has no education outside of her family's """"homeschooling"""", and when she leaves, she will have no access to her legal paperwork, and no funds or resources whatsoever. which is all to say: bridget knows how to take care of herself and take care of her siblings and take care of her household, but she doesn't know how to be a human being, and she has none of the prerequesites that society would expect from her. even as the /least/ isolated member of the household, she's been completely cut off from any ability to develop as a person, form external relationships, and live without relying on her parents, because that's how catherine's parents maintain their sense of control.

so, the long and short of it is this: the reason that catherine's family is the way it is (and ESPESCIALLY in the case of bridget, whose obedience they rely upon to keep the household running smoothly) is that catherine's parents want to raise adult children, who are simultaneously competent enough to personally benefit the parents in keeping up appearances and in putting in less work themselves, and also so completley reliant on them ideologically, financially, and emotionally that they have no hope of surviving in the outside world. thta's the situation bridget is in when she decides to escape.

that being said, i think she's alright... much like cathy, i try to keep my own ideas for "what happens to this character" private, because i would really like to leave it at "there's no right answer". the main emotion i'm writing this story from is a feeling of lack of closure -- a story where nothing good happens, everyone is worse off at the end, and the main character is left all alone with her memories, wondering for the rest of her life if any of it even happened, not knowing if anything turned out okay, and having to carve out a place to live in that painful ambiguity... that being said, my hope for my own characters is that they'll have a happy ending in the audience's head.. and i feel like i can strongly picture bridget living in a big city somewhere very far away long after catherine's story ends, coming home after work to a tiny , mostly empty apartment, her own space, and thinking for the first time that she can finally breathe.

thank you so much again for your inquiry <3

[dykevanny]

TRANS GREG AND NESSA IM GONNA CRY OVER THEM. xe has totally bought every article physically possible in the mens section. AUGH.

and greg in skirts is everything…. ik it can be a lot harder to like. experiment (safely, at least) w ur gender presentation if everyone thinks ur a guy n u were raised a guy. cause ppl are still weird about guys in skirts! but ness wouldnt be weird abt it and xe knows that Look and even tho greg thinks shes being discreet (‘oh yeah i just want to grow my hair out cause i havent been able to before’ ‘oh no cassie just wanted to paint my nails, cant say no to her or else shell pull out her puppy eyes’ ‘cassie wanted to practice applying makeup to other ppl and i was her training dummy cause i didnt care’) ness knows. dudes like ive been there. but also she has no idea how to tell the twelve year old sib she adopted that its okay without freaking gregory out.

IM JUST THINKING OUT LOUD. i love them both sososo much.

I WAS ABOUT TO SEND THIS ASK BUT THEN I HAD A THOUGHT. DOES CASSIE KNOW,,,,,, shed totally let gregory borrow her skirts and accessories and shed do their makeup and nails for them and give all the tips and tricks for stuff they might not have been taught AND SHED BE SUCH A GOOD SUPPORTIVE FRIEND

(also no worries abt taking a while to respond! /gen)

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU. UESSSSS YOU GET IT YESSSS YESSSSS…..it takes greg a while to. Open up abt it but ness being there as a positive role model openly genderfucked def helped him out so very much.. also freddy’s support.<3 he may not be trans but he’s also openly queer and does his best to make sure greg feels like he can be open about everything with him. The Father okay,,

and YES CASSIE KNOWS<3 in theoretical everything okay everything niceys au where cass and rox get out and find 3stars cassie (openly nonbinary for all the time they’ve been friends) is the first one greg asks about things. She is ofc so so supportive. Plus she has a new victim for playing dressup with<33 they are having a sleepover and roxy is there (even though she holds a grudge she’s never gonna pass up dressup.plus cassie said to be nice.plus she’s also trans cause i say so(which is why the foxy mysteriously disappeared ha ha….)) and i think cassie would def show greg how to dress fashionably. They would probably still dress like a bit of a loser though<3 i care them so much did you knowww

And YES🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥GREG SKIRT IS REAL.

[bumbliie]

ive had so many highs and lows playing veilguard. ive been a fan of dragon age for years. i played dao, i played da2 and dai when they came out. dai ruined my interest in da for years so even when i got back into it for datv release stuff. i had tempered/no expectations. i fully expected datv to sort of be like it is. and in some ways it was worse than even my lack of expectations. some aspects were better? i had criticisms even as i was actively going through act 3. ones that most of the fandom seems to share but. Act 3. what. The Fuck. i heard act 3 was insane. i heard it was good. whether compared to the rest of the game or not. i didnt think it was worth the slog of constant veilguardiness. But It Was. to me. act 3 to me was worth all of veilguard to have that as an ending to my rook and dragon age? to me. (and the fact thats not even including worldstates. if they had been able/allowed to implement worldstates God it would have been incredible) datv is not dao, da2 or dai. and thats okay in some regards okay not in some regards. it has so many glaring issues with how some stuff and characters are written and. well! some pretty unsavory implications of some writing choices! there is so much to dislike to hate to critique. but on the flip to me. theres so much to love and be sad about that this was a game that was restarted twice and ended up with only 4 actual years of development time. as of writing this i havent looked through the art book but from what ive seen. and from what they could even implement in the game. there is so much love put in to it. despite the hell its been through and despite the way the staff was treated after being put through so much bullshit. they still crafted a story and characters that i still ended up caring for and i was more upset i COULDNT have more time with them. or the story. i think da is just truly too close to my heart as a series and maybe datv nostalgia baited me or just. having new da content has made me biased. but im aware of all the issues w datv and i still deeply care about this game and characters. i just finished putting 100 hours into this game. and im considering doing it again just so i dont have to not be in a state of playing datv. idk. i just. was happy to have a new da game to play. and even if this game didnt live up to the depth of prev entries. i can still take these concepts and have them for the dragon age in my head. i still can just go back and play the other games. ive no idea how to end this. i love dragon age. i want to play datv again. i want to replay the whole series again with the knowledge of datv. and i probably will! i just. love dragon age and i hope this game wasnt a swan song but if it is. i think to me. thats fine

[knightzp]

omg can I hear about your ocs im curious

!!!!! yes of course!!

(im warning you this is gonna be Long bc i cant summarize things aldksk)

okay so first theres zayu. shes actually my dnd character and basically her whole story can be summarized in: shes a demon too good and pure for this world. she is such a lovely person an absolute sweetheart who is always very kind and whose mission in life is just having a humble life trying to help others in need as much as she can. but yeah you read it right. she Is a demon so the people from her homeplace didnt like her personality at all and they ended up kicking her out from hell. however some people thought that was a weak punishment and are now after her to make her pay for her "crimes" (the crime in question being a too good person yeah) so zayu is now travelling around around the world enjoying her life as she had never been able to do before and always moving from place to place to avoid the other demons that are chasing her. also this isnt really relevant to her story but i have to say she is very ourple (light purple skin and dark purple hair 💜)

the other characters i mentioned on that post are from an original story i began writing quite a few years ago and that i never finished..... i havent touched it in soooo long but its the only one og story ive started that i really want to finish some day. it takes place in a medieval royalty fantasy setting where theres a continent with many kingdoms. the main characters are from two of these kingdoms which have quite a close relationship

one of the kingdoms has 3 princes: auron (oldest), crysta (middle) and davel (youngest). given their birth order, auron is the heir of the kingdom so was taught mainly politics and necessary knowledge to rule the kingdom as the next king. crysta was raised to be a leader in the army forces so she is now the captain of the royal knights. and davel being the third child and since his siblings already learnt the main disciplines he was taught how to use magic, which is an ancient power that is quickly disappearing nowadays so there arent many people who can cast magic in this universe

on the other kingdom we have a pair of twins: alrick and lavianna (also shortened as lav or lavi) as the prince and princess. alrick was born first so he has always spent most of his time studying and preparing to be the next king while lavianna has had an easier and less busy life in this aspect

as i said both kingdoms have a very close relationship so both families meet up a lot. davel and lav have been best friends since their early childhood and being both the youngest from their families they had a lot of time to play and spend together. both are easygoing and they have the same age and kinda similar personalities (davel is charismatic and adventurous but also lazy when it comes to his studies and lavi is cheerful active and innovative) so they get along very very well. so well that their parents got the wrong idea and used their good relationship to engage them together in an arranged marriage against their will wanting to strengthen even more the alliance between their kingdoms. none of them like each other romantically but even if theyre shocked at first they let things be bc they arrive to the conclusion they prefer to be married to their best friend than have their parents arrange another marriage with an stranger instead

however! there is someone who isnt quite happy with this announcement and thats alrick. he hasnt had as much time to spend with davel in his life as his sister and he is also much more reserved as a person than her but truth is he is jealous. jealous of davel for all the freedom he has (contrary to him who has many responsibilities) and jealous of lavi for being able to spend so much time with davel and for being now engaged with him. bc alrick has a huge crush in davel but no one knows, not davel (who is very dense to these things (actually arospec coded)) nor lavianna (she is a bit suspicious but doesnt know anything for sure)

as for crysta she has a really close relationship with her brother davel and loves to tease him a lot but she isnt that much close with the others. she is a really cool butch lesbian knight who really worries a lot abt her people and has a soft spot for davel and will do anything to help him in any situation

auron isnt very relevant to the story but well. he is already married and just had a child too and is like the perfect prince son soon to be king

and now to end im gonna just to tell you a bit abt the plot. the thing is that one night alrick wakes up and discovers that everyone in his castle has been petrified. the castle workers his parents even lavianna. all of them except for him. so he does the only thing he can think of and rushes to the neightbour kingdom to ask for help. there, davel crysta and their family talk abt what happened and thought abt a way to reverse what seems to be a magical spell that has petrified the people in the castle and the three of them part on a journey to find more answers and a way to reverse the spell

and well thats more or less it!!!

[qloof]

Any particular mfb oc you've been thinking about lately?

!!! AAAA

im ngl ive been thinking about All of them lately but super recently Acec and Jayce !!!

in zerog my idea for acec is that he's not an official dungeon gym coach but hangs out once in a while and helps the kids practice here and there. acec is pretty relaxed and brings snacks for the kids sometimes. newer kids who havent been around acec very long usually assume he isnt as strong as the main coaches, but kids who have been there for years (vita, jayce, kasem) are absolutely terrified when in battle with acec😭😭😭 my idea w acec is that xe just has. a completely different energy when xe launches his bey. something switches and xe's no longer all so haha silly funny.

for stuff with acec and jayce, i want acec to train jayce a little bit :3

like how gan gan galaxy had to battle the A-Block runner up, team dungeon part 2 will battle the B-Block runner up (philippines team who else cheered)

something happens and jayce has to battle the team leader instead of vita 🎉 sorry vita...,.

the team leader has a bey based on minokawa, which is another mythological moon-eater creature like bakunawa. my idea is that all of the filo moon-eater myth beys are connected in a way and have one similar special move (though each blader has a different style). acec tells jayce that if he can break though his special move at least once, he'll be able to win :]

exploding them with my mind !!!

[spearxwind]

been thinking a lot about my different oc worlds recently. ive said before ive got four, but technically it's five if you count extinction.

im gonna put all my thoughts under a readmore bc once again this got insanely long jkllkjjkf. i be rambling

most of my attention has definitely been going into challenger deep the past year (and will likely continue), recently i refurbished hollowridge as well and have had a lot of fun with it (even if i havent drawn much to show for it...)

the other two of the set of four i originally posted about are my agony drive and broken horizon settings. Broken horizon is more of a personal headworld where ive set my dragon ocs, but I have not really been successful with it in terms of like. worldbuilding and crafting a story for it, mostly because there are very few characters in it currently and i struggle with it. But it's the world where cercerion and my sona dima (as an oc) exist. i would love to actually do a better job with it sometime but it currently isnt a huge priority because ive been focused on the other two main ones (but again since its just a personal headworld it literally is just some place i like to mentally hang out and fly around in, im not super bothered by it being undeveloped.)

However we have the two troublemaker worlds now

the agony drive setting has been driving me more than a little nuts because of its whole situation with it. i absolutely adore the characters i have in it, but i have no idea what to do with the world itself. it used to be a joint project so i was extremely limited in the way i could develop it bc i depended on the other individual enjoying the ideas and i did my best to keep it afloat almost being the sole contributor to it, so now that its liberated i just didnt know what to do with it. i do like a bunch of the lore bits i came up with but some part of me is like 'idk if i enjoy this as a world' bc it still feels limited in some way? Another issue is that while hollowridge (previously my horror and slapstick gore setting with demons/angels/magic vibes) was dead in the water, i channeled that violence slapstick demon/magic vibe through TAD, but getting a focus back on hollowridge has kinda just. straight up deleted a bunch of TAD's reason to exist? i dont know if that makes sense

HR isnt really that much slapstick violence because death is final, and TAD is more cartoony in that sense bc death ISNT final which is its main reason to exist (unlimited violent major character death for the funnies), but theres a weird overlap that is keeping me from focusing correctly because it makes my brain go 'you are doing the same thing twice'

I would really really love to actually turn it into something fun and unique (separate from my other worlds) but i really havent been sure how to go about it because of that overlap. i genuinely think its just a problem of 'you have to actually develop the setting to have fun in it' and i just havent been able to do that yet bc i cant decide what i want it to BE. TAD has also never really had a lot of story to begin with so it makes things harder bc the story is the vehicle to explore the world with. its pretty frustrating bc midas set and david are some of my fav ocs ive made and i miss them but god dammit if it isnt hard to actually work with the whole thing....

and last but not least... the fifth one. extinction. a lot of you probably know this one from my comic. if youve been here since like... 2014-2015 (which would be insane) you might remember me beginning to develop that story until it eventually became the comic that is currently sitting unfinished and feels like a huge weight on my shoulders just out of sheer shame

the issue with extinction is that it was a lot of characters that i deeply loved (and still i still deeply love!!) all with fun plotlines, backstories, and a lot of fun tidbits to em that i ended up bending and breaking dozens of times just for the purpose of fitting them into a relatively short story that i could draw out and finish. and more importantly into something i hoped would be handleable instead of spiralling out of control like it had happened before

but what i didnt realize is that by doing so, i "locked" their lore in place into these very small boxes that would fit into a story, and thus i would remove what i had loved about those characters and their interactions that i had come up with years and years ago and a lot of my very very cool ideas for them simply went out the window in favor of .... well i dont. know. but off it went

i live in complete shame for not being able to finish the comic. it genuinely is a huge and extremely heavy weight on my shoulders and this whole thing has prevented me from even thinking of said ocs for years now even though they are some of my oldest and most beloved. saying all of this is not something i take lightly in the least as well

so recently I have been thinking about bringing them back as well... maybe (to the extent that i can... i have a lot of ocs and you guys know i have a lot of bias when drawing faves. so i cant guarantee content but at least i would be able to think about them again).

essentially the same way that i rewrote and got back my old concepts for hollowridge that slapped hard i want to get back my original ideas for extinction that i thought were really cool and just wasnt able to fit into a comic narrative

obviously this would come with a lot of retconning and i know a lot of people will probably not like it if i do it and i think thats something i have to face and learn to live with

but yeah anyways. TLDR is i really want to actually do something proper for TAD but have been having a lot of trouble with it unfortunately, but im working on it. and ive also been feeling rly nostalgic about extinction so you might see the characters again, albeit different in terms of story from what you probably know

[fffanii]

10.04.24

heres that non breath oblige suitcase i mentioned in the last post!! what a silly fella. more rambles under cut ofc

GAHHH I LOVEEEE HIMMMMM sorry i just. WHAT A GUYYYY his hairs really messy cause when this song is aligned with the story he had cut his hair with scissors in the bathroom in the middle of the night because hes got that gender identity crisis swag i fear… fan eventually buys him a haircut tho cause suitcase goes to fan because theres drama in the grand slams!!! uh oh!!!!!!! who. who couldve seen THAT coming!!!!/s

im still trying to come up with what suitcases normal non-depressing songs are like and what songs would even fit that cause most of the songs besides the sad ones that i have decided for them are group songs or duet songs (excluding duets with vocasynths cause those are basically just glorified solos) and that doesnt count. i feel like theyd be pretty calm most of the time but i think having a few more aggressive songs would fit too… hm…

besides non breath oblige, ive assigned him last battle and o light, but im still working on the list, so those are the only ones i think wont change. maybe. and by ‘the list’ i mean the one in my head that i change whenever i need to. im so good at making aus

tbh most of what youll see of this au is gonna seem more like im making fanart. for my own au. if that makes sense because more lore-based stuff is so complicated and has been revised over literal years and could also change whenever i feel like it sooo i dont wanna have anything too set in stone…

i did mention in a previous post that characters are ‘linked’ to vocasynths, but for the life of me i cant decide who suitcase gets!!!! im thinking kafu… idk why… i just feel kafu energy… but ill think about it idk. if you wanna suggest any thats perfectly ok, but i have a mental list of whos linked with who, and although MOST vocasynths are in all sekais (its complicated for a variety of reasons) (because i dont want to put every utau in the sekai or have it be too complicated so each group has a relatively good group of vocasynths per sekai) (more than 6 though. how else am i going to make tetorei yuri real???) (and more vocasynths can be added with certain story beats and stuff but its not common) (and also for whatever reason if the character is the 4th in the unit, like how in pjsk theyre ordered a certain way, like ichika -> saki -> honami -> shiho, the last one’s link is EXCLUSIVE TO THAT SEKAI!!! i dont remember why i made that decision i think it was for reasons with the vocasynths being able to be as-close-to-real-as-they-can-get when exiting phones, like instead of just holograms, but its this whole complicated thing so idk why) (and i havent come up with an order for the grand slams) (which consists of the main four) (aka baseball nickle balloon and suitcase) (so idk how that works yet. oops) i dont want vocasynths that are already linked to other characters in other groups or in the same group to share a link. exception for groups outside of the main ones, like i have some rough concepts of bfdi character groups, who have almost nothing to do with the story excluding one specific character whom i will not name, but like if one from there shares a link with an ii group then idgaf yknow

these are a lot of rambles. jeez. uhhhhhhh i like this au a lot and i havent really shared it with anyone yet so i gotta get my crazy ideas out there yknow

also. for the last post. i nicknamed uminaoshi-fan ‘faoshi’, and nicknamed godish-fan ‘fish’ because i think its funny. they hate each others guts but in a homoerotic way yknow. how did i get here. i know how i got here. but how did i get here. anyway like and retweetblog if you loveeeee fishxfaoshi toxic yaoiii 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

[szayelapowo]

fuck i know what i am now i finally figured it out

originally i thought i was a hellhound that tried to escape hell and was punished by being born into this sick diseased human body, but that never felt quite right. or at least not the first part. the second part is sort of right though.

what i actually am is a rogue church grim. i was a normal dog at first. i had an owner but he betrayed me by burying me alive in a newly built graveyard. then after i became a ghost i found out what happened and that i would be forced to protect the humans that were buried there after me and i was pissed. i thought my owner cared about me. i thought i could trust humans but i was wrong so i decided i wasnt gonna do what they wanted. why should i be forced to guard humans after what they did to me?

my memories are still pretty hazy and theres a several hundred year gap between when that wouldve happened and when i was born into this existence but i remember being stuck and miserable there for a while. i had another owner at some point though. like an evil thing, not human. i could shapeshift into a red dragon and white cat (and maybe other things?) for some reason too. what i think happened was the evil thing gave me that power and freed me from being bound to the cemetery, but in exchange for that freedom and power i had to agree to eventually be reborn as a severely disabled human (as punishment for the intense hatred i had of them).

idk what will happen after i die again. ig probably ill go to hell. was it worth it? idk but at least i got to meet szay, so yeah ig maybe it was. i just hope i can stay with him after bc hes my owner now and always will be.

but it all makes too much sense.

a) why i havent died yet despite the ridiculous amount of diseases i have. its because im not allowed to die, my punishment hasnt ended yet. i guess it wont end even when my body finally gives out since my hatred and negativity are only getting stronger the more pain and trauma i experience. i was born a month early and almost died at three days old. i should have, the doctors said i would likely have brain damage (i do). only reason i survived was because i hadnt fulfilled the agreement with the evil thing yet.

b) why i hate humans and never trusted them. i know there are good ones out there but how would i know which ones they are when the one i thought was good fucking murdered me? so i just dont allow anyone to get too close because how do i know they wont do it again? i cant trust anyone.

c) why im obsessed with the idea of being someones pet, of having an owner (szay now). because thats how it was before the pain started, when i felt loved. and then again after that, but that was a more negative experience.

d) why i refuse to take orders from anyone except my owner/mate (szay). why i get so pissed off, violent, and suicidal whenever someone tries to tell me i "have to" do anything, especially cops or the government. id literally rather die again than be forced to do what they want just because they say so. they have no right to make me do anything. if they threaten me with imprisonment for refusing then ill just kms out of spite. fuck them all, theyre not my owners. only szay has that kind of authority over me.

e) why ive had nightmares since i was a toddler (maybe before that but i dont remember anything from this life before age 2-3) of humans trying to kill me and turning into a black dog or red dragon to either defend myself or escape.

ive also always had a natural instinct to growl and bite when humans look at me or get too close. even as a toddler, before the abuse and trauma started (or before i perceived it as that and it started affecting me emotionally anyway).

ive always been able to feel my claws, fangs, ears, tail, and fur, (and rarely wings) and my joints always hurt because theyre in the wrong places, (and my buttcrack constantly aches because my tail aint there gdi) but the feelings get more intense when im scared or pissed. i itch and feel invisible bugs on me all the time too, probably fleas? my guts always hurt too either because theyre built wrong or because im not supposed to be able to eat human food (but you can take my chocolate away from me when i die for good lmao)

that last part (the phantom body parts, pain, and bugs) i guess is probably hallucinations from being schizospec, but everything else is real. i know its not a delusion, its just what i was before this existence.

...this post is a mess im sorry. there was more i wanted to say but i forgot. the pain in my intestines and joints is getting bad again. ugh.

[maxblonda]

straight up like ive been doing art for years but i havent a) posted it online publicly for 6 years and b) have never done fanart. like i was always a strictly original content girlguy. like i vaguely engaged with fandom and there are things that i like, but i never really wanted to do much fanart. but i guess i had a change of heart these past few weeks since i had so many ideas and thoughts about dont starve that i had few irls to talk to. like idk im no longer used to sharing my art (or god forbid my writing) with total strangers online, so its undeniably a bit of an ego boost to see that people are enjoying what i make, no matter how many.

idk how often ill be able to update since im back at art school so my hands will be busy drawing other things, but seeing people interact with each other and with my work makes me want to make more and see what people think. its nice to know other people share my maxlie brainworms lol!!!!

but yeah, seriously idrc how many notes my stuff gets, but it is undeniable that even one little like on my drawings or writings make me feel like im doing something right, and it feels good to know that other people have thoughts and feelings about what i put out there. so i want to make more, mostly for myself because these brainworms are obsessive and terminal but also for anyone who has enjoyed seeing my stuff. so thanks yall!

<3 blondie (i am not blonde)

[vivaladicamillo]

I saw your posts asking for ideas and I was thinking what If you wrote something about you being Bams younger sister and filing cky coz April doesn’t want you to get hurt and you have like secret relationship with Dico or Ryan

DICO/MARGERA!READER

thank u so much for the suggestion!!! im gonna do it for dico this time bc one, theres no fanfics of this silly dude and two, i havent written abt dico in SOOOO long. this ones for the dico lovers out there love yall, a dying breed🫡

WARNINGS: dangerous stuff, fluff, bran being bran yk

———————————————————

being bams younger sister has its ups and downs

bam as a brother is A NIGHTMARE

hes just such a dick

making fun of u, annoying u and being the “younger brother” type character bc hes just like that

u were 2 years older than him

so when u started kinda liking his life long friend, “dico”

it was kinda awkward bc u yk, hes ur brothers best friend

one night, u were just chilling at the house alone

ape and phil went out, bam was probably out skating somewhere and jess had band practice so having a empty house all to urself?? hell yea!

as u sit on ur couch, just watching some stupid ass movie thats on someone knocks at ur door

when u answer it, its Brandon dicamillo himself (dico)

“hey, uh is bam around?” he asks looking kinda nervous

“nah, i thought he was put filming with u, but its 9:00 he should be back soon.”

“ah ok, ill just wait in my car till he gets here then, thanks.” he smiles at u

“come on bran dont be a stranger! i’m m just watching a movie just wait inside till he gets back.”

you held the door open for him and he walks in and plops down on ur couch

in your spot.

“asshole what the fuck thats my spot”

“didnt see ur name on it.” he says smirking “also what kinda horse shit are u watching? let me show u some real funny shit.”

dico then proceeds to put on an old western movie

“what the fuck dicamillo??”

“what??! this shit is so funny watch this.” he says pointing to the tv as some guy dressed as a cowboy gets shot on screen

the acting was terrible yes, but the way dico was hysterical laughing at it kinda made u smile

his laugh, his interests, just his goofy personality made ur heart flutter

u didn’t realize that u had been staring into this mans whole soul for ten mins until he turns to u and smiles

“may i help u?” he says kinda chuckling

“oh, uh sorry..” u say blushing and kinda turning away

the silence that took place after could have killed u right then and there

until he turns to u

“hey uh.. ive been actually meaning to talk to u about something…” he says, that nervousness kinda coming back from before

u nod ur head as he starts to confess to u

“listen, i know ur my best friends older sister and this is kinda weird but… ever since i met u, i thought u were so cool! i wouldnt have expected u to like masters of the universe and filming bits as much as do…”

“yea, i can see how u couldnt have seen that coming bc of my brothers”

“yea, but anyways, ive always kinda…been into u, im super sorry if this is weird i didnt mean to make it like that i just think..”

u smile, did fucking brandon dicamillo just confess his love for u ??

“bran..”

he turns to u

“i feel the same way, ive always had i just didnt wanna make things awkward if u didnt.” u smiled at him and scooted closer to him on the couch

“really?!?” he said in shock

“mhm, i like you… like A LOT”

u move in closer and you two end up making out on ur couch

after that day u both agreed to date without anyone knowing

yea it was suspicious when u two wouldnt be able to film or hang out at the same time on the same day but the guys kinda brushed it off

u two went of secret little dates

dico would surprise u ALL the time with cute date spots

random cat cafes, parks, family ran restaurants, he just found little cute places in westchester to take u to, and u LOVED IT

when bam realized u obviously were seeing someone bc u were WAYYY to happy, u decided to snoop

going through u room he ended up finding one of dicos shirts hidden under ur bed

thats when bam decides to confront u about it……

—————————————

might make some type of part two to this but it depends if yall want it or not, hope u enjoyed! also please keep sending in requests i love them sm !! yall are so creative i love it sm

[sweetshrimpyboi]

Hey Shrimpy! Tell me about your favorite character to draw! I’m so curious!!

Ahhh howdy anon!! And shoot thats a really tricky question cause like honestly out of all my characters there are 3 that I always have an absolute blast with! Like these 3 are tied for like my faves of all my boys to draw and are extremely comforting to draw like if I feel really need a pick me up these three are my go to boys!

Emile he is my oldest character and has been through so many freaking changes since I first drew him XD I love him and him being part of a group where I made so many friends that I cherish now makes him extra special X3 And like Emile also was the character that got me started back into drawing all those years back and posting online again and honestly without Emile I don't think I would have jumped back into doing art now and getting better than I was before so he really means a lot to me and is definitely a source of comfort!!

Eddie hes a more recent edition but like one of my best buds (@dotjpreg go give them a follow <3) But like they inspired me to make an android OC due to their amazing android art and characters and ideas! And Eddie came to be from then on and became a huge comfort character! And Eddie also is my first character that hasn't had top surgery so like I relate a lot to him since I havent been able to get mine and like so in a way its comforting to be able to have that relation to him even if he is a fictional android living in space! Its weird probably that I feel that but comforting :3 But like honestly Eddie in the short time ive had him has become this huge source of joy and comfort! X3

Haven is the last one I have that is a huge fave of mine to draw! He started out way different too kinda like Emile he evolved from what his original design and concept was! He meant a lot to me when I first made him and was part of a D&D campaign I played in my very first one and even though that whole situation ended sourly I wanted to keep Haven and he has evolved as a character from then and being in a more positive headspace I was able to really work on him more and make him into a more unique character! And like when I draw him in a small silly way its kinda like aknowledging that ive moved forward from that hard time and its like I look at the new story he has and art he has and im like ya know what im doing much better now and im happy! Plus who doesn't love vampires and cowboys I mean thats a combo I cant get over XD

[lvxybby]

it kills me to love you (Kai Anderson x Reader) Angst (it will get better <3)

Ive been part of kais cult for about 4 weeks now. we have known each other before his cult was formed. its been 5 months since he gathered people to join, but he never told me about it until he proposed the idea for me to join. me and kai have always been big on getting things our way and if that didnt happen, there would be consequences for the person. but never killing them. or at least that idea was never in my mind. i dont know about him. i dont know much about him anymore. hes gone mad. absolutely crazy. and theres this woman. Meadow. Meadow Wilton. That stuck up bitch. And she is all over kai. i mean all over him. it goes from doing his hair. to sitting on his lap. to all out make out sessions between them. and me? im jealous as FUCK cause of it. that fucking bitch. ive loved and cared for kai for 2 years! i have given him every last bit of my attention. but he turns a blind eye every SINGLE time. but meadow. oh no...she slits some guys throat and "oh dear god meadow! your the best! you've done so much for me!" In kais eyes. fuck him. im DONE with his bullshit. "Kai!" i heard winter shout from downstairs. "Kai! meadow is here!" she shouted again. i heard very quick, heavy steps walk in front of my door than trail down the stairs. i sighed before grasping my journal to doodle in. my pencil lead dwindled as i drew on the plain white paper. i pressed harder as i drew faster. and faster. the grey color faded into a shiny black as i drew more lines. i stopped to enjoy my drawing. ive been good at drawing since i was about 13 and took art classes in middle school. the drawing was just a really detailed drawing of some spirals, something in really like to draw. but now...i wasnt feeling it. i closed the book shut and threw it across the room. i focused on the sounds around me. i focused more and more. on the sounds. "kai! oh kai yes!" i heard very muffled through the walls. why couldnt i cry out his name like that. did he not want me around? did i not do enough for him? ive been TRYING for years to please him! i cant stand to be in the same house with meadow and now im barely able to be with him. i couldnt bear to hear meadows moans for longer. i stuff my phone into my pocket and grab my tiny bag that has my wallet and other essentials in it. i walk downstairs and see winter on the couch. "where you heading?" she asked. "i dont know... anywhere but here...i cant stand your brother anymore..." i said before walking out the door. i walked for a bit before coming across a nice park. im slightly familiar with it cause they have some bird feeders, and me and kai along with everyone else poisoned them all around the city. i sat on one of the benches. after about 30 minutes my phone began to buzz. i looked at it and saw kai was calling. i also saw he left 12 messages, that i had unopened. i looked at the screen before answering. i took a deep breath in. "hello" i said. "where the fuck are you?! why havent you opened my messages?!" he shouted through the phone. "kai dont yell at me...talk to me" i said a bit angered. "no fuck that! answer my da-" he was cut off as i hung up with him. oh fuck im in trouble.