#this novel thinks it’s being subtle lmao

[asumofwords]

Smoke, Fire and Ash - EPILOGUE

Warnings: This fic includes noncon, dubcon, manipulation, violence, death, forced marriage, and inc3st. Tags will be added as the fic goes on. Mentions of grief, war, blood, loss.

This is a dark!fic. 18+ only. Read at your own discretion. Please read the warnings before continuing.

Summary: You are the eldest daughter of Rhaenyra and Daemon Targaryen. You are forced to navigate the difficult surroundings of your upbringing and the eventual disintegration between your family and the Hightower's relationship. What will happen when your older and estranged uncle suddenly takes a more sinister interest in you? (Dark!Aemond x Reader)

Masterlist

Characters: Aemond Targaryen X Reader, Cregan Stark X Reader

Note: Whelp... Here we are.... This is it. This is the end. The end of Smoke, Fire and Ash. We are ending with this Epilogue in a five year time jump. And oh boy.... I can't believe it. I really hope that you enjoy how I finish this era lmao, with over 370k words.... someone needs to take my computer away from me. Again, I can't even begin to express my love and gratitude to you all, I just hope that you have enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it! <3 So as always.... ENJOY!

EPILOGUE : His Song of Ice and Fire

Time jump: 5 years into the future. 

There was a chill that had come early to Kings Landing that season, all those years ago. A chill that had swept across the stones of the Keep, cool air creeping into your bones through your gown.

But now, as you stood where you had many moons ago, there was no crisp breeze that sent goosebumps rising on your arms, nor was there a bite to it that came as a subtle and precursory warning for what was to come.

The courtyard of the Godswood was warmed by streams of glowing sunlight that blanketed over the cobblestones and grass.

A soft breeze rolled through as you walked forward towards the tree, having missed being in its presence over the years passed, mostly spent on Dragonstone.

It had been five years since your mother was seated upon the Iron Throne. Five years since you had been named her successor. Five years since Lords, Ladies and Heads of Houses pledged themselves to you and the Queen. 

Five years since the death of Aegon and all those responsible for the usurpation. 

Since you commanded dracarys and watched as Alicent was devoured by flames. Since Larys laid on the flagstones, blood seeping from his stomach.

Five years since your father had gone to Storms End and slayed Borros Baratheon for his play in it. 

Five years since Baela and Rhaena flew to Oldtown and rounded up all the Hightower's who had shown support for Otto and his kin. 

And five years since his death.

Five years ago, in these very walls of the Red Keep, you had plunged a dagger into your husbands neck. Your uncles neck. Your childhood companion. The man you had loved.

And not one day that had gone by did you not think of it. Did you not dream of it. Did you not see him in the corners of your eyes, or in the shadows of your chambers on Dragonstone.

Did you not see the blood that stained your hands when you would wake, or witness with bouts of anxiety.

In your hand, the old and worn cover of your favourite book, ‘Ten Thousand Ships'. A novel in which you had read under these very branches of the Godswood. On the grass your mother had sat with you, or your brothers, or your uncles and aunt. 

You watched as a small head of silver raced ahead of you, shoulder length hair billowing behind him, with two tidy braids holding the sides behind his head.

“Careful, Lucerys.” You called out gently, watching as your son climbed atop the roots and settled right into your favourite spot. His black and red robes crinkling as he leant back against the root of the Weirwood tree. 

The smile on your face stretched widely as you moved to sit beside him, the small boy crawling into your lap as you brushed his hair back behind his ears. Little hands reached out to play with the necklace at your neck.

Aemond’s sapphire.

Ever since Lucerys was born, he had always longed to touch or hold it, violet eyes always finding it with ease against your neck, fingers outstretched to play with it or caress it. He tapped it up and down upon his finger as he looked at it with content.

There was so much of Aemond in him, it was hard for all not to see. It was especially true with his eyes. Eyes that you had loved since you were a child, reflected on your own sons face.

His were, much like Aemond's, a way to read him almost immediately, showing so much emotion and character in them as he thought, or played, or argued. Long silver lashes blinked up at you, and you could not help the tug of your heart as you bent your head to kiss his forehead.  

The young boy scrunched his nose at you in mock disgust before grabbing the book from your hand to hold it open in his lap, finding the page that you had been up to not just the day before.

The bridge of his nose was dusted with light freckles, and there was such a boyish charm to his rosy cheeks, whenever he smiled his teeth would show, bar the one he had recently just lost. 

Little Lucerys was as Aemond had been as a young boy. Inquisitive, soft spoken, kind and daring. He had a longing for knowledge, and sought it out whenever he could in Dragonstone's library or by picking your brain with a continuous stream of questions and consciousness.

But then there was so much of you in him too. His nose, his sure fire temper when things did not go his way, and his utter refusal to back down, even when it brought him to tears.

You read to your son beneath the tree as you reminisced on your days before. On how you had sought solace beneath the branches many times. How your mother had read to you here. How your brothers and Helaena would sometimes join you or play. And how Aemond would sit behind the trunk and listen to you read aloud, your voice carrying enough for him to hear, but not loud enough to let him know that you knew he was there.

And as you read, you felt his presence, there on the other side of the Godswood, where he would sit as a boy, listening as you read to his son. Watching as he always did. There as he always was.

Always and forever more, would the ghost of Aemond haunt you. 

You read louder, just so you could be confident that Aemond could hear, just as you had when you were young, even though you knew he was not truly there. But it felt right. It felt the way it should have been. What could have been.

Familiar. 

That is where your mother found you, nestled where she used to, reading a book she had once read to you to your son, and loud as though you wished for your voice to carry to some unknown spectator.

You felt the eyes of the Queen and lifted your head, pausing your reading if only for a moment, and Lucerys, being as perceptive as he was, looked up and spotted his Grandmother, leaping from your lap all elbows and knees and ran towards her. 

The Queen opened her arms widely as she chuckled, bending down slightly to catch the young boy who launched himself into her arms, crown unmoving from the top of her head.

“Grandmother Nyra!” He had cried as she lifted him into the air, sitting him atop her hip as you dusted your skirts down and made your way over.

“It feels right to see you there. I can remember how eager you used to be.” She smiled, turning her head to look at the boy in her arms, “Did you know your mother had me read to her there too?”

The boy nodded his head, silver hair bouncing atop his shoulders, “Uh huh. And father too!”

Rhaenyra’s smile softened as she looked at the boy and back to you, “She did. Your father loved her reading.”

A small smile tugged at your lips as you leaned in to kiss your mothers cheeks, son still in her arms as he played with the crown at her head.

“Are you ready for this evenings feast?” Rhaenyra asked, swaying the boy gently as she pressed another kiss to the top of his head, once, twice, three times, exaggerating the noise as she sucked air through her pursed lips.

“Of course,” You adjusted the necklace at your throat in nervous habit, “We flew all this way for this evening, didn’t we?”

“Vermithor is grumpy, Grandmother. But he lets me on his back!” 

Rhaenyra opened her mouth and raised her brows, “Does he? Why, you must be the youngest rider ever!”

Lucerys beamed.

“Muña has been taking me to see Vhagar! She flies with us sometimes.” Mother.

The smile on Rhaenyra’s lips twitched, if only for a moment, before she regained her composure.

“Does she now? Vhagar must know that you’re your fathers son.”

Little Luc nodded his head, “I’m going to claim her. Muña said I shouldn’t because she is too old and grumpy and dangerous, but I know father wants me too.”

You cleared your throat, “That’s enough of that. Grandsire will have a new clutch soon, and you will have your own egg.”

“But I-“

“-Hush, my sweet.”

Turning back to you, Queen Rhaenyra lowered the boy back on to the ground, letting him run circles around the courtyard as you spoke, “Is he still having dreams?”

You bit your lip anxiously, before nodding, “He knows things he shouldn’t. He is much like Helaena in that respect.”

Your mother gave you a reassuring smile, “A gift from the Gods no doubt. A most precious one.”

You nodded in agreement, but in some ways you didn’t agree at all.

Was it really a gift if it aided in driving Helaena to madness?

Rhaenyra held one of your hands, brushing her thumb up and over your knuckles soothingly. You didn’t dare look down, knowing that they would be bloodied, “There will be allies from all the realm tonight. I cannot believe little Rhaegar is to have his first name day already.”

Rhaegar was a small boy of silver hair and tanned skin, one violet eye, and one brown. The third son of Jacaerys and Baela, with yet another on the way. Baela had told you in secret that she wished for a girl this time around, but had been surprised when the small boy had been born. 

None were more surprised however, than when he had opened his eyes to peer up at your brother, besotted by his son already, staring down at the violet and brown eyes that looked back up at him.

Aelor, the eldest, was but a few moons older than your Lucerys, and the two got on more fiercely than even you and Aemond possessed. It was a beautiful bond the two boys had, full of love and loyalty. 

The middle child of Jacaerys and Baela was a sweet and quiet boy named Rhaelor. He had the most beautiful of curls like his mother, who braided it closely to his scalp with clips of gold and silver dangling from each. 

"I cannot believe it either.” You agreed, casting a quick glance at your son, “They grow so quickly.”

Rhaenyra took your other hand in hers and squeezed them, “You grew the fastest of all. You shot up far before your brothers. I feel like I blinked and then there you were, a woman grown.”

Chuckling, you squeezed her hand back, “Will Rhaena be joining us this evening?”

Rhaenyra turned to lead you away from the Godswood, Lucerys running up beside you to hold your other hand, “Rhaena sent word that she senses the babe to be with us any day now. It is too far to travel from the Vale to Kings Landing in her condition, but has told us we must all be ready to come see the babe once it is born.”

Rhaena, upon the death of Lucerys, had refused to wed for years. She had stayed loyal and adamant that she would not be betrothed to another, but then she had met Ser Corwyn Corbray, a knight of House Corbray one evening at a feast.

They had immediately connected, an older man with flowing black hair and deep brown eyes that almost looked black. Corwyn was a kind man, if not fierce and skilled as a swordsman, wielding an ancestral longsword of Valyrian steel named Lady Forlorn. 

“A shame that I will not see my half-sister again, but I’m delighted to hear the babe should be born any day now. We shall be having many name day celebrations close together.” You smiled.

As you left the cobblestones of the courtyard, you turned your head back to gaze upon the ruby red leaves of the tree. They shimmered in the light of the sun and rustled softly with the breeze.

And there, sat beneath its branches, was Aemond.

His head was leant back against its trunk as he watched you, sapphire missing from the empty socket of his lost eye.

He had not left you.

He did not speak as Helaena and Lucerys had. Not in full sentences anyway. Not anything but the familiar name of endearment that he had called you.

Zaldrītsos.

It was whispered to you in the dead of night, or in the darkest of rooms when your hair would stand on end. Or at times, whispered to you when you were with Lucerys.

It was never malicious.

Or at least, thats what you liked to tell yourself. Though it never felt like he was there with bad intentions. It felt neutral. And you liked to tell yourself that he was there to watch and keep you safe. To keep you company. That a piece of your mind had made him up so that he could live a life with you, and watch your son grow.

There would always be a part of Aemond with you no matter where you went. Whether in your son, or in your visions, or upon your neck and scarred skin.

Your heart ached at the thought.

Rhaenyra walked you back to your chambers, entering as your four maids bowed and began to get preparations in order to ready you for the feast. The chamber doors opened as they left, held open as the tall and built body of your father entered.

“Grandsire!” Lucerys screeched, and you winced as the sound sent fear racing down you spine.

Your heart jolted, the echoes of screaming in your ears as you plastered a smile on your face, eyes twitching, watching as Daemon lifted him high into the air, throwing him up once and catching him to hold him tight against his chest.

Loud noises sometimes did that to you. Threw you back to your time in the Keep before your parents had arrived. Sparking fear into your very core, to the point where sometimes you could not breathe, as though your brain stopped functioning and you were gasping for air, clawing at your throat.

In those moments, Aemond would whisper to you.

It had been especially hard when Lucerys was first born. His cries would wake you and send you into a fit panic, racing to grab the dagger beside your bed as you would check the chamber for danger, wide eyed.

It took several months to learn to live with it, with his presence there, and you would be lying if you didn't say that looking down at Lucerys in his crib as a babe made you feel a guilt that you could not fight away with common sense. A melancholy that ate away at you viciously.

You had fallen into a state of depression, and in your confusion you had sent a letter to your mother and father via raven asking for star fruit. Your mind was so confused, so lost. You barely slept, or ate, and were in a perpetual state of fear.

Daemon came at once, and ended up spending almost an entire year on Dragonstone with you to help, before he finally convinced you to come back to Kings Landing with him so that your mother could help too.

It was months of screaming through the night, months of support, months of pacing your chambers, wondering if it was all worth it. Wondering if it was worth living, worth staying another day in such Hell.

The same thoughts had replayed in your mind over and over.

My son will hate me for what I have done.

I took his father from him.

He will never love me.

He will resent me for my sins.

The thought of climbing out the window as Helaena had done became an almost daily occurrence. And it was hard. Hard to not give in to it.

But you couldn't do it. Cowardice be damned, you could not leave you son alone. You would not abandon him. You would not do it.

So after months of the turmoil that chipped away at you day by day, you told them the truth of it, the whole truth of it, and by that time, after voicing such things aloud, little by little, you felt a bit more of yourself.

Lucerys had had his second name day when you were ready to go back to Dragonstone.

“Se skorkydoso iksis ñuha byka Dārilaros?” And how is my little Prince? Daemon grinned, leaning down to press a kiss against your cheek as your son wriggled in his arms.

“Merbugon!” Hungry!

Daemon plastered mock shock upon his face, something that he would do often to you as a child, "Arlī? Yn ao sepār iprattan.” Again? But you just ate.

“Kesan ipradagon ao!” I’ll eat you! Lucerys growled, fake biting at his Grandsire’s arm.

The young boys High Valyrian was good, but nowhere near perfect. 

Daemon and Rhaenyra spent ample time teaching him, as did his uncles Jacaerys and Joffrey when you'd come to visit, or them you. His other uncles, Little Viserys and Aegon the Younger were not too many years older, similar to the age gap you and your uncles had had. They often played with him and Aelor.

Daemon dropped the boy onto the floor, messing his hair with a rough hand before pushing him away to go play with his toys, Saria and Aella sitting with him on the floor. Your fathers lavender eyes landed on you and he smirked.

“Tala.” Daughter, He greeted you, voice almost playful, “Do you look forward to tonights feast?” He pried, mischief twinkling in his eyes.

“I look forward to spending time with all of you, of course.”

“Kostilus kessa ao ūndegon iā arlie valzȳrys.” Perhaps will you see a new husband, He smirked. 

Rolling your eyes, you sighed, “Kepa.” Father, “Kostilus, daor bisa arlī." Please, not this again.

It was a conversation that had begun to come up more often than not. You knew the reasoning behind it. You were heir. And you would be expected to wed again, and soon. But all the Lords in Kings Landing you had met had not once sparked any sort of interest for you. And Rhaenyra had vowed to let you marry whom you wanted, when you wanted.

She had kept true to her word thus far.

Rhaenyra sighed, tilting her head up at her husband as she looked at him in exacerbation, “Henujagon zirȳla sagon.” Leave her be.

Daemon held his palms up in surrender, looking over you before he brushed your cheek with his knuckle quickly, “Ao jurnegon gevie hae va moriot. Hae aōha muña.” You look beautiful as always. Like your mother.

You smirked, “Don’t try and get in my good graces now.”

Rhaenyra grabbed Daemons hand, “We shall leave you to get ready, and see you at the feast.”

You watched as they left your chambers, Rhaenyra whispering to Daemon in your mother tongue.

You were readied by your maids, the two who had been in service for you for many years, and the two who had been your saving grace in the Keep for all those long and trying months. The four sworn to you, and almost never leaving your sight.

They dressed you in a style you were more familiar with, a style you had worn prior to the war. Tight bodice with dripping cleavage, short sleeves and dragons embroidered all over. Your hair was left in waves down your back, with braids nestled amongst them. Against your neck, the same necklace as you wore everyday. 

Lucerys joined the feast for a time, eating with the other young children, Maelor and little Jaehaera included, before they were taken back to their chambers by maids.

The ale flowed heavily in the Hall, and all wore smiles on their faces, the frowns and wrinkles caused by the tension of war having been smoothed from their skin.

You sat beside your mother, Jacaerys and Baela to your other side. 

Baela was glowing, stomach round with the new child and cheeks rosy from smiling. Jacaerys cheeks were rosy from ale, but parenthood suited him all the same. He had matured, that much was obvious, but his love and devotion to his family and wife had only gotten stronger. 

“Little Aelor is growing so quickly.” You smiled, bringing your wine to your lips to sip as you felt nothing but joy to be where you were. To be where you always should had been. The room aglow with your mothers supporters and love. All around you joyous and bright.

“Little Aelor,” Baela leant towards you, “Is a little shit. Not once did I ever behave such a way. He bit Rhaelor this morning because he wouldn’t play with him.”

Jacaerys chuckled and Baela elbowed him in the arm.

“It's all Jacaerys, I’m afraid. He used to bite me too.” You grinned.

“I did not! Not once did I bite you.” 

"You did too. I have scars to prove it. Even ask the Septa, she's the one who tore you from me like a rabid dog.”

Jacaerys turned to his wife for support, who only bit her lip to try and hide the smile that broke on her cheeks, “My sister condemns me with these lies. Do you hear her?”

Baela smirked, sipping her wine, “I believe her. You were terribly wild. I seem to recall you have bitten me on more than one occasion.”

Jacaerys blushed, tongue in cheek as he looked at his wife.

You made a teasing face of disgust, "Incorrigible, the both of you."

All three of you watched on as Lords and Ladies danced in the middle of the Hall, loud music bouncing off of the walls by the band that played in the corner, and all laughed and clapped with joy as they watched.

“It is good to be home.” Jacaerys grinned, watching the celebrations, “Driftmark, though close, feels miles away.”

“You’re both always welcome to visit me and Lucerys at Dragonstone again, perhaps a longer stay? I am sure he would love to have you and the boys more often.”

Jacaerys nodded, “We will come promptly then. If the heir beckons, we shall come.” He teased.

“You have been summoned then." You put on your most pious voice you could manage, bursting into laughter at the ridiculousness of it all.

As your eyes looked into the sea of people, a familiar face came into view. 

Jacaerys and Baela, also noticing, turned to face you.

“You know,” Jacaerys began, leaning towards you, “He only comes to these things for you.” He whispered, watching the way a soft blush creeped on your cheeks. 

“He comes for you, brother. You are friends after all.” You breathed, feeling your heart race in your throat as the man got closer.

“Kessa, yn ziry umbagon syt ao.” Yes, but he stays for you, Baela snickered.

“You are both as bad as each other.” You griped, finishing the rest of your wine quickly, hoping to distract yourself by pouring another. 

As you reached for the goblet, the tall figure of Cregan Stark stood before you at the table, donned in brown and black leather robes, his long dark hair tied back away from his face, and stubble casting a shadow across his defined cheeks and chin. 

His stormy grey eyes bored into yours, and the soft and yet polite smile of Cregan Stark greeted you.

“My Lady.” He bowed his head politely, “Jacaerys. Lady Baela.”

“Cregan.” They nodded.

Jacaerys and Baela turned their heads away, conversing with themselves in an attempt to give you mock privacy.

Though you knew they were listening.

“Cregan Stark. You have journeyed far for such an occasion.” You gazed up at him, watching as his eyes flicked downwards and then back to you.

“Of course, My Lady. It is not every day my good friend’s son has his first name day.”

“You could not have missed it, I would have never forgiven you.” Jacaerys chimed in, cheeky smirk on his lips.

Cregan chuckled, deep and heartily, “You’d burn me alive if I did not come. I think those were your words that you sent via raven.”

“Good memory, Stark.”

You smiled, loving the banter the two men had, “But to travel all the way from the North, it must be a tiresome journey, is it not?”

Cregan’s broad chest expanded as he pulled his shoulders back, hands held behind him, “Aye, a tiresome journey if on the backs of horses, and not dragons. Though I am gladdened to know I shall be well rested before my return. His Grace has offered for me to stay at the Red Keep for the month.”

You turned your head towards your father, who’s eyes were already on you, smirk on his face. Your gaze told him you would have a word with him later.

A stern word. 

Turning back to Cregan you gave him a smile, "That is wonderful news that you will be here with us in Kings Landing for longer than expected. I had not imagined you to be here at all.”

“Apologies if my arrival has offended you, My lady.” Cregan jested, and you felt a blush creep across your chest.

“Please, Cregan, enough with the formalities. You may call me Y/n. I think we are well acquainted enough by now.”

Cregan smiled, showing a line of white teeth, “Y/n.” He tested the name on his tongue, as though it was the first time he had spoken it.

He stood for what felt like an eternity as you looked at him, neither of you sure of how to continue this conversation. 

Jacaerys, being the meddlesome man that he was, decided that his false conversation about the weather with his wife had ended with perfect timing, looking up at his old friend with a shit eating grin.

“My sister here has been approached by many men this evening, all who call her the Beauty of the Realm. Do you find my sister to be beautiful?” He smirked.

Cregan blanched, but answered almost immediately after, “Aye. It would only be a fool who could not see it.”

You blushed, drinking half of your wine in one gulp.

“Then will you continue to do her the dishonour of not asking her to dance?” Jacaerys blinked at his friend from atop the rim of his cup, hiding his grin behind the silver.

Cregan looked as though he was ready to chastise the Prince, perhaps even hit him, but instead turned to you, bowing his head, “Might I ask for a dance, Your Grace?”

You looked at the tall man before you, dark hair that curled lightly in waves, with eyes as stormy as winter. 

“If only you call me by my name, Lord Cregan.” You pushed from your seat, turning to give your brother and half-sister a furious glare that the Stark could not see as you turned away from the table, moving towards Cregan who waited diligently for you, hand held out, palm up. 

Cregan was much taller than Aemond had been, broader, and when your hand slid into his, you felt your chest come alight. A rush that you had not felt in a long, long time. A sense of butterflies that fluttered about behind your ribs like a makeshift cage. 

Cregan led you down to the sea of people, feeling the eyes of your family upon your back. When finally amongst the crowd you turned to face each other, dancing with the rest as your hands intermittently connected. 

“I must apologise, Your Grace-”

“-Y/n.” You corrected him.

“Y/n.” He smiled, “It is not often that I dance in the North. I fear I may be a terrible partner.”

“You are yet to step on my toes. I think you are doing perfectly well, if not a little clunky.” You smirked at the tall man, watching as he looked away bashfully.

“There is still time for that I suppose.”

Each brush of his hands atop your body caused warmth to spread through you, tiny little tendrils winding their way up your flesh wherever his skin would make contact with yours. Your hands, arms, shoulders, waist. It was almost overwhelming, and the only time you had ever felt it before, was many years ago.

Five years ago, to be exact.

“Ao jurnegon gevie.” You look beautiful.

Your legs got tangled with themselves as you came to a halt, looking up at the grey eyed man who looked down at you wistfully.

“What did you say?” You breathed, uncertain if you had heard him right, or if it was your mind playing tricks upon you.

“I said you looked beautiful.” Cregan’s eyes roamed your face, brows beginning to furrow, “I apologise, Your-“

“-No.” You shook your head, “Ao ȳdragon Valyrio Eglie?” You speak High Valyrian?

A warm chuckle erupted from his chest, “No, My Lady. Just that and some other small things. Your brother has been a great teacher thus far.”

You tilted your head, trying to get your feet to unstick from the floor, blurs of people moving around you, but in that moment it felt as though they had all disappeared, and you were left alone with the man before you.

“He is a good teacher because I have taught him.”

“Then perhaps I must ask of you to teach me instead.” Cregan gazed at you hopefully.

You hummed, “Do you have need to learn it? I did not think the North had any speakers of my mother tongue.”

Cregan opened his arm towards the side, weaving you through the crowd to the edge of the table, grasping a goblet of ale and procuring a goblet of wine for yourself.

You sipped on the wine, eyed widening.

Dornish wine.

Of all the wine on the table from this realm, to the Redwyne's vineyards, from Essos, to Dorne. Cregan had given you the one wine you liked the most.

How did he...

“We do not." He replied, "The North has no need for tongues of fire, our breath is ice.”

“Indeed. I am not too fond of the cold, I am afraid.” You teased.

Cregan’s large hand moved to swipe at his chin with a thumb, stumble rubbing beneath it in thought as he looked at you, “And have you been to the North? It is far more than just ice. Winterfell has a garden that may rival the one in the Red Keep.”

The spiced Dornish wine was sharp on your tongue, “So I have heard. I have not had the Gods graces to witness it for myself. I have however, been gifted a Winter Rose.”

Dark brows pulled together as the Stark looked at you in confusion. Brown hair cascaded over his shoulder as he tilted his head at you, the earthy smell of oakmoss, ginger and pine surrounding you.

Oakmoss, ginger, pine. 

Not at all, smoke, leather, and sandalwood.

It was earthy, warm despite his origins, and gentle. Like a breath of fresh air. Like a scent of safety and calm.

“Winter Roses do not grow in Kings Landing. How were you gifted one?”

You swallowed, looking away momentarily. 

The energy around you shifted.

“My husband- late husband, had a knack for gifting me rare things in atonement for his temper.” The words came out sharp, crinkled on the edges, and tasted of iron.

Cregan nodded solemnly, “I am sorry for your loss.”

You blinked.

Not once, had a man or woman or any person who you had spoken to over the past five years, ever said they were sorry for Aemond. Not once had anyone offered condolences, except the silent stares of your family. In fact, most times, people congratulated you for your bravery, your strength, your ability to drive that dagger into his throat. 

People congratulated you for killing the man you loved. 

But not him. 

Not Cregan.

And it intrigued you.

You finished the last of your wine, “I have not had the chance to thank you for supporting my mother after all these years.” You began, taking a glance to look up at her, as she gazed lovingly at your father in small conversation. 

“Thank me not. A Stark never forgets their oath, and we made one to your mother.”

A smile wound its way on your lips, “And how cold does it get in the North, Lord Stark? How does one not freeze in the walls of Winterfell?”

Another warm chuckle floated from his chest, “There is much to be frozen in the North, but Winterfell was built atop hot springs. Brandon the Builder built it amongst giants. The hot water flows through the walls to keep us warm.”

“I thought I had read as much in a book once.” You smirked, feeling warm from the wine, “But I had never imagined such a thing to be true. Giants?” A cheeky laugh fell through your lips.

Cregan smirked down at you, goblet close to his mouth. It wasn’t a smirk that set you ablaze, nor did it create anger or contempt or suspicion. It wasn't a smirk to provoke you. Instead, it made warmth spread steadily through you, like the hot springs in Winterfell. 

“Aye,” He laughed, “What is hard to believe about giants? Your blood rides upon dragons, do you not?”

“I suppose you are right. I do ride upon a dragon, a large one to be sure. I wonder if it would marvel at the size of your giants.”

“We shall never know. Perhaps you might ride upon the great beasts back to Winterfell?”

Your heart began to beat quickly in your chest, fingers tapping on the side of your cup, “My great beast would swallow you whole for calling him such a thing.” Jest on the tip of your tongue.

“It would be an honour to be devoured by a dragon.” Cregan shamelessly flirted. 

Devoured.

I want to devour you, zaldrītsos.

You swallowed thickly, “And what would Lady Stark think of three dragons coming to Winterfell? My son has not seen snow or ice, I have little question if he would enjoy it.”

Cregan placed his ale upon the table, “There is no Lady Stark, unless you are referring to my Lady Mother. Winterfell would welcome you and your son with open arms, and furs to warm you.”

You felt heat in your cheeks, “Why would I need furs if Winterfell is as perfectly insulated by hot springs, as you say it is?”

Cregan Stark pushed his tongue into the side of his cheek as you gazed up at him, quick witted response ready to be fired back instantly.

“For all its warmth, there can be a biting chill that occasionally drifts through the cracks. Or if you are to be outside, say in the Godswood, you would need furs.”

“You have a Godswood?” Interest peaked.

“Aye. The Old Gods have not been replaced by the New in the North.”

“Good, I should hope so. The New Gods are an abomination in the eyes of the Old.” You paused, watching as grey eyes flitted down to your lips, if only for a moment, “And what of Dragonstone. Have the Kings of the North ventured as far?”

Cregan huffed a laugh through his nose, “No, I can say we have not.”

“Then perhaps you should see the great Dragonstone Keep. Its walls are the last of Old Valyrian stonemasonry. Fire and magic created it. Dragons live in the Dragonmont, and I am sure they would welcome the Wolf of Winterfell with open arms, and there would be no need for furs to warm you.”

“The Dragonmont sounds like the perfect place to be eaten by the dragons that live there. I may ask to be pardoned from venturing inside, a bite from a dragon would surely be the end of me.” Cregan’s eyebrows were raised, goblet to his lips again, smile peeking over the top.

There was something about this man. Something that drew you to him. Something that made you feel safe, wanted, unafraid. Like an invisible string was pulling you to him from the centre of your chest, the need to be closer to him, the want to be closer to him amplifying with each second spent in his presence. 

In all your five years past, you had not wished to be in the presence of any man again, said for acquaintances and family. 

But Cregan?

It was different.

It was the same pull you had felt in the throne room when he had sworn himself to you.

And that was why the next words that left your lips were playful, light, alluring. You wanted to draw him in. You wanted to taste him. You wanted to get to know the man who had helped to change the tide. The man who had stayed loyal to his oath. And a man who had travelled across the realm, just to kneel before you and swear his House to you, despite him not needing to do so.

“I will only bite if you ask me nicely.” You purred.

A blush crept across the mans face, and you felt your heart soar. 

He cleared his throat, adjusting his posture, his eyes half lidded, “I will come to Dragonstone when you beckon. But I fear a wolfs bite may rival that of a dragons.”

Grinning you tilted your head, looking up to the table, to find all eyes on you both again, a large smirk on Jacaerys’ lips. 

“I do not like to make commands, but I shall beckon you. If,” Your hand came to graze his arm gently, sliding down, before your finger traced along his that held the goblet of ale, “You show me these hot springs in Winterfell, and that you have furs for me and my son to be kept warm. I make no illusion to thinking there would be furs enough for Vermithor.”

Cregan’s finger twitched beneath yours as you dropped your hand back to your sides, sliding them together behind your back.

He bowed his head, “Of course, Your Grace. But there may not need to be a use of furs to keep you warm. Your blood is of fire, and I have a strange inclination that you would wish to be warmed in another manner.” Your cheeks grew hot, warmth sliding down to settle in your gut.

Cregan wet his lips with the tip of his tongue, “I will await your invitation, Princess.”

You smirked, “And I, yours. Though, you are to be here until the next turn of the moon. I am sure we will see each other more often than not in these walls.”

“I should hope that I would have the privilege of your company whenever you would wish for mine.”

“That you will, and that I do.”

With a nod of your head, you turned, walking back up to your table, spring in your step, and heart pounding against your ribs. You could feel the warmth of Cregan’s gaze on your back with each step you took to the table. Jacaerys, Daemon and Baela all watching you with knowing eyes as you moved to sit back down once again, cheeks ablaze. 

You ignored them all, reaching to grasp your goblet and sipping the wine as your eyes instinctually found the pair of icy grey ones that watched you from across the room. He lifted his goblet to his own mouth, mimicking your action as you sipped in tandem. 

The sound of laughter and chattering surrounded you, and it was hard to not get yourself lost in the excitement of it all. 

How things had changed.

Jaehaera and Maelor, Helaena’s children, had been taken in by your mother immediately, and at first, had been terrified, and quiet, and reserved. But now they had now grown into beautiful, soft and sweet children who doted on their nephews with care and familial excitement. 

Jaehaera was so much her mother, and often was woken in the night by terrors of her twin being slain before her eyes. But as time went on, the nightmares lessoned with age, but her visions grew stronger.

There was no denying that the little girl had the same gift as her mother, the same brilliance, the same intuition. And your Lucerys and Jaehaera often understood each other on level that others didn’t, an almost instant connection sparking between the two, and you watched as Jaehaera doted on your son with fierce devotion and loyalty. 

Maelor, was very much like Aegon.

Loud, boisterous, terribly cheeky at times, but kind. Something that he was allowed to grow into with the nurturing of your family, the nurturing of your mother. Something that he would continue to be. Maelor was a whisper of what could have been for Aegon, if he had not been raised with the vile whisperings of the Hightower’s in his ear since birth. 

He had the same round face as his father, the same round face that Alicent had. But there was no sadness in his lavender eyes, no hollowness that settled behind them. And for that, you were most thankful. 

They both especially got along with Lucerys, and that gave you a greater joy like no other, and often stayed with the two of you on Dragonstone.

If you were to say that you had gotten used to being surrounded by so many people, you would be lying. But there was no doubt in your mind, that as the years went by, you would eventually find yourself again, or at least the fragments of her that had survived. 

You had changed. 

But so had they.

And there were some things that would never change. 

Some things that would always stick.

And the visions of your brother, your aunt, and your uncle, would remain forever more. 

Or at least, you hoped they would.

As a reminder.

As a punishment for your deeds.

As a comfort.

Whilst the Lords and Ladies in the court danced, and drank, and sang, and cheered, three familiar faces watched from within the crowd, unmoving, unblinking as they were. 

Observing, watching, with two smiling softly.

The third face however, had not smiled in years, and would never smile again. He watched you, from across the room, hidden behind dancing bodies, long silver hair cascading down his back, an eye of violet, and a shadowed socket peering up at you. 

He never left. 

He was always there.

Watching.

Waiting.

Your hand came to play with the sapphire that sat heavily against your chest.

“What did you and Cregan speak about?” Jacaerys inquired, leaning towards you, breaking you from your stare at a man you missed most terribly.

“Hm?” You turned your head blinking at your brother.

“Cregan, what did he say?”

Baela leant an elbow on the table as she watched, a hand rubbing her swollen stomach in soft, gentle circles, soothing the babe inside.

“Merely asked how I have been, how I have been faring. Pleasantries is all.”

Jacaerys’ brown eyes danced with delight, “Pleasantries? Spoke of pleasures did you? You know, I wouldn’t let him speak to you if he was not a good man. He is a Stark. Dutiful, full of honour, kind, and a skilled swordsman.”

“And I have a dragon. Swordsmanship does little against fire.”

Baela snickered, “And why would he be near dragon flame? Have you promised him a ride upon Vermithor?”

A blush settled across your cheeks, “He wouldn’t.” You argued, feeling exacerbated by their prying, “I was just saying, swordsmanship does not warrant a marriage.”

“Who said anything about marriage?” Jacaerys smirked, and you felt your mouth go dry. 

You gripped your goblet and tossed the rest of its contents greedily down your throat, shivering at the heat that settled in your bones, most of which not caused by the alcohol, but instead the memory of his warmth, eyes, and touch.

Sighing, you looked at the pair beside you, “You have been all but pushing us together for the past five years.”

Jacaerys snorted, “I have not. But there is no denying the pull you two have to each other. You’re allowed to be happy, sister.”

And Jacaerys was right. 

There was a pull. 

And no matter how hard you tried to avoid it, brush it off of you like water, close eye and look the other way, it was there, and it pulled at you. 

“I am happy.” You argued, but it felt wrong. False.

Jacaerys had his chin on his fist as he gazed at you, curled brown hair looking a mess as many a hand had brushed through it. His cheeks were rosy, and pink lips plump from smiling or biting at them to keep his mouth shut. It was clear that the ale had gotten to him, but Jacaerys was never one to lie to you, especially about someone he considered a good friend.

And Cregan was his closest companion.

“It’s a perfect match,” He began, and you groaned loudly, rolling your eyes, “You being hot headed-“

“-I am not hot headed-“

“-And him being cool and patient. Blood of the North and Valyria. Perzys se Suvion.”

Fire and Ice.

A strum of recognition tickled in the back of your mind as Jacaerys continued.

“Opposites attract, even you out, and all the other nonsense some love sick fool would tell you. You would be good together, Y/n. He would calm you, and you would warm him.” Jacaerys teased.

“Don’t tell me you’re in love with Cregan, brother.” You teased back, watching as Jacaerys narrowed his eyes, “All this talk of opposites being perfect for each other, why do you not take him as your second wife? I am sure Baela would not mind sharing.”

Baela smirked, rubbing her stomach, “I wouldn’t mind a break. And Cregan looks good in-“

“-Keligon bona.” Stop that, Jacaerys chastised his wife, turning his attention back to you, “Think on it. He would be good for you.”

“I don’t need a man to make me whole or 'be good for me'. I will be Queen one day, and a husband will do naught but hold me back.”

“You will have to marry again someday, you know this as well as I do. And he would help you forward, if only you let him.”

You huffed, looking back out at the sea of people again, eyes immediately falling on him.

He was talking to a Lord, who’s gold and yellow robes shimmered in the light of the chambers. But as though he felt your gaze upon him, Cregan turned his head, and his eyes immediately met yours.

Instinct.

That pull.

“He invited me and Lucerys to Winterfell.” You told the two of them, seeing Jacaerys and Baela give each other excited looks in your periphery, as a soft smile found its way on Cregan’s as he looked at you, your own stretching your cheeks.

“Will you go?” Jacaerys’ voice hopeful.

As you watched Cregan, his gaze still on you, man beside him still talking, not having noticed his companions attention had been taken away, you felt the pull again. A sharp tug in your chest, the string having wrapped itself around a rib thrice, just below where your heart would sit.

It tugged again, and your hands curled into fists in your lap, desperate to keep yourself seated as you looked at him. Desperate to fight the urge that made you wish to go to him, stand by him, be close to him.

Your tongue darted out to wet your lips as you watched him, your brother and half-sister staring at you from your periphery as you feigned thought. 

But you knew your answer already. 

You knew it before he had even asked, before Cregan had even spoken to you. 

Instinct.

“Yes.”

Hen ñuha ānogar māzigon Kivio Dārilaros, se zȳhon kessa sagon Vāedar Suvio Perzo.

From my blood come the Prince that was promised, and his will be the song of Ice and Fire.

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[inoreuct]

hiii!

if youre willing could you please do (more) headcannons of (were)tiger!zoro x sanji?

or (were)tiger!zoro in general with the crew

HIIIIII YES YES ABSOLUTELY

he’s definitely very protective. if there’s one thing that can rival his tenacity for his dream, it’s his love for his crew. he knows that they can handle themselves but once the danger has passed he has to stand on his own metaphorical tail so that he doesn’t usher them all back to the ship and look them over one by one

even when he’s not a tiger he’s still vaguely cat-ish; he bristles when he feels threatened and yawns to casually put his canines on show as a subtle don’t-fuck-with-me. he just has a vaguely feline countenance to him. it’s in the way that he slinks when he walks, the head tilts when he’s focused or trying to intimidate, the way he tries to act uninterested but perks up when he’s excited 🤌🏼🤌🏼

(sanji finds it awfully endearing. he’d never admit it, though.)

the crew probably tries to keep the fact that he can shift under wraps, considering how many people would pay a pretty penny for his pelt (not that they’d succeed, but. still). HOWEVER. he’s a force to be reckoned with as a person, but if he gets mad enough even while around enemies/strangers he’ll just shift anyway and start ripping people apart with his teeth lmao, especially if his nakama need backup. the eyewitness accounts saying they saw a massive green tiger bounding across the battlefield with a sword in its mouth all sound crazy anyway 😭

i think he licks people just to fuck with them, but also to satisfy a grooming instinct. sanji definitely gets the brunt of it, since they share a bed more often than not; he’s woken up too many times to count with zoro nuzzling at his hair, or callused hands smoothing his bedhead back into place. when they’re arguing zoro will pop into tiger form and lick the hell out of sanji’s hair just to make the cook screech, but if he can tell that it’s not one of sanji’s good days he’ll cut it out because he’s a shithead, but not an asshole. come on.

DEFINITELY shifts when he’s getting yelled at. sanji or nami nagging at him? he turns into a giant tiger and flops down onto the floor to nap. sometimes he puts his paws over his ears for emphasis.

when they’re sailing through colder areas, he just watches indifferently as everybody else shivers and complains because he runs BLOODY hot and it doesn’t affect him at all. but then after dinner he shifts into his tiger form and pads around in a circle before laying down and blinks at them like …well? and they’re all scrambling curl up against him. he snaps at luffy’s fingers when luffy tries to pet his head, but luffy just goes “oop, sorry :p” and goes to sleep and, well. zoro supposes it isn’t all bad.

(he is so used to being the one pinning others down that the weight of his crew is an entirely new experience. he likes it more than he expects.)

speaking of touching. he only really welcomes sanji getting touchy-feely in his tiger form. he tolerates the occasional scratch behind the ear from luffy, because it’s luffy, but his captain knows he doesn’t really like his fur touched beyond that. enter stage right: sanji, who had the audacity to start petting zoro’s head absentmindedly while reading one of his french romance novels and using zoro as a backrest.

zoro had been purring before he even realised. then sanji had realised, and they’d both freaked out, and then zoro had scrambled up to the crow’s nest to figure out what the hell was going on. this whole incident was perhaps his biggest personal indicator that he liked sanji as more than just nakama; funny, because he hadn’t thought he’d like sanji very much at all, period.

he started paying more attention to how much he was willing to make exceptions for the cook, and sanji finally got the hint after weeks of zoro butting his head into his palm. it went something like:

sanji, scratching beneath zoro’s chin: nami, what do you mean he likes me? i do hope that he likes all of us, considering he’s— nami, about to jump overboard: you idiot. you fucking idiot. sanji, leaning against zoro’s side leisurely: nami what do you MEAN nami: HE CAUGHT YOU FISH. *pointing at the huge net full of tuna* sanji, zoro draped across his shoulders like a shawl: HE’S FEEDING THE CREW! nami, at her limit, eye twitching, so close to ripping her hair out: HE’S FEEDING YOU

mind you, throughout all of this zoro’s being absolutely useless and just sitting there incredibly amused. he hadn’t minded waiting for sanji to come around on his own, and that in itself was a sign that he’d been gone from the beginning.

sanji is the only one zoro has EVER rolled onto his back around. his belly is the most vulnerable spot on his entire body; sanji knows what a privilege it is. it’s essentially zoro’s version of puppy dog eyes.

i think he had plenty of run-ins with hunters when he was younger. his pelt is thick and vibrant and highly sought-after, and a few close shaves had left him with scars and major wariness of people in general. he used to hide the fact that he was a weretiger at all cost but now… well, now protecting his crew’s more important. s’not like they’d let anything get to him, anyway.

i see him as a wahnsien tiger, with black stripes and fur in various shades of green; he’s big, heavy too. the first time he woke up with sanji squashed beneath him he panicked a little inside but the cook was fine. his eyes are gold in his tiger form, luminous like all cats’ are, and hella unsettling.

which is interesting, because i like to think that after so many years he’s picked up a few tricks and now? he can sort of half-shift. lengthen his fangs or claws with a neat snk or make his eyes phase burning gold when he wants to scare someone; it’s a brilliant intimidation tactic but it takes a lot of concentration, so he only ever does it on home turf where they have enough territorial advantage for him to feel safe doing it.

wow okay this got LONG. i’m sure i’ll think of more but that’s all i have for now! THANK YOU FOR THE ASK ANON 🫶🏼

part 1 | part 3

[napoleonic-sexyman-tournament]

OKAY SO, I AM A BIG FAN AND SIMP OF BAGRATION, and I will tell some curious facts about him that I like a lot for his propaganda! (It's a bit long, but it's worth it).

1.- He was a skilled painter! In a historical novel of his it is said that he learned to draw by himself and his education was mostly based on books and neighbours (he was of noble lineage but his family was exiled and his economic situation was very poor). He showed his paintings to the imperial family (including Ekaterina) and made a sketch of the wife of Paul I!Unfortunately, his works have been lost in time.

2.- In 1803... Do you know what he did? He took care of 47 children of his soldiers! Something very tender on his part, he was like a father figure yippieee.

3.- Speaking of a father figure, he had a father and son relationship with his soldiers, he cared a lot about them and made sure they were well fed and clothed! There is an anecdote that Bagration had a doctor arrested for a month because the doctor was not treating his soldiers properly.

Of course, he also imposed discipline on them and they were very obedient to him, they were ready to die under Bagration's command and at Borodin, when the rumour of his death spread, it increased the fervour of the soldiers and they decided to fight back harder. They also captured 335 French soldiers,

4.-he was too good to exist! He always tried to be on good terms with others and it didn't matter if you borrowed money from him and didn't pay him back, he was fine with that (he was also very unattached to money lmao).

5.- He had a good sense of humour, before meeting his future aide-de-camp, Denis Davydov, he had heard that Denis had written a poem making fun of his aquiline nose.

When they finally met, Denis was a little nervous about being in front of Bagration because of his joke, and Pyotr points at the hussar with "this is the one who made fun of my nose" but Denis quickly responds by saying that it is a compliment and that he would like to have a nose like Pyotr's (?

I don't really remember Denis' response, but it was something like that and that was the beginning of a nice friendship. Denis continued with his jokes and on one occasion he told Bag "That the enemy was very close to their noses", to which Pyotr replies that "if it's in mine, we have time for breakfast, if it's in yours, we have to hurry!"

6.- unfortunately he spent a lot on dinners to maintain his status, on his table there were always treats for others but he didn't even have a fixed place to live. He was very modest and his motto was "Everything for others, nothing for yourself", he often ate in the same cauldron as his soldiers and I like to think that when his soldiers were feeding, Bag appears with a cup of food and decides to walk around the place to check that everyone is eating but finds one soldier bothering another soldier to eat together, so Bag proceeds to hand his cup of food to that soldier hehehe.

7.- outgoing, he had his own lounge and many people came there. He was a hospitable and generous host, he was quite an interesting and entertaining interlocutor, he liked to talk about his experiences in the, if I remember correctly, Italian wiwiwi campaigns.

And here is Yermolov's description of him on the subject:

"Prince Bagration had envious enemies, but, with a subtle and flexible mind, he made strong connections at court. Charming and affable, he maintained good relations with his peers. Attentive: he rewarded his subordinates and idolised them, delighted in their manners, it was not difficult to take advantage of his credulity, but only in matters little known to him.

8. He met Murat and Lannes in person for a false armistice. Pyotr was able to cajole Murat so well with compliments that Murat, cajoled by the Russian general, willingly accepted the armistice while Lannes wanted to fight lmao, and then they were invited to a dinner.

Jean and Pyotr chatted for a while over a glass of mulled wine, all that is known of the talk is that Jean told him that "if the command had been in my hands, we would already be fighting".

9.- he is described as an ugly man and many biographers have done so, which is wrong. Why, look at his portrait by George Dawe! Are you going to deny me that he looks beautiful there? It reminds me that Louis Alexandre had called him ugly and black because of his marriage to Catherine, but he is the real ugly one! Just look up Louis' portrait and you will see the truth!

And here is a description of Pyotr's physique yippieee:

10.- He was like an inexperienced and innocent adolescent in matters of love, he was shy and did not know how to insinuate himself or deal with female affection because he was not used to it, that's why he was always reserved with his feelings about Catherine (who pursued him only with the malice of conquering and abandoning him, everything ended badly) until Paul I arrived and made a disaster that marked Bag for life.

11.- their Marriage was an absolute failure. Bag satisfied the whims of his wife Catherine in order to win her affection, but it was in vain and some time later she left Russia and began to be disloyal to Bag. Pyotr always defended her because he said it was a husband's duty, and he always sent Catherine money when she asked for it, even though it would mean running out of money and carrying a debt until his death :(

That aside, he was quite faithful and respectful, anyone in his place would have told Catherine to go fuck herself and do what she did, be unfaithful, but still he never did, except for Alexander I's sister Ekaterina.

They kept up a correspondence and romantic walks, she even flirted with him, but this was not to the royal family's liking and they were quickly driven away.

In another universe they end up together, I know they do.

Besides the fact that Bag is the kind of loving and lovable man in a romantic relationship who would spoil and protect his partner without a thought, I would have loved to be his wife 😔.

12.- in Borodin he was severely wounded and with time his wound was getting worse, but still he was active and cared more for others. He looked calm about his future death and intense pains, never complained and was not afraid of dying. His last days he drank wine for thirst and to cope with the pain, until the agony came and took him away from this world....

Well, there's more but I've forgotten some parts! I'm also still researching but please vote for Bagration! He deserves it, he's my pookie bear, I love him so much!

Art made by @galakteon meow meow

.

[karamazovposting]

On Ivan and bipolar disorder (part one)

I've never seen anyone talk about this and it doesn't surprise me considering most people don't really know what bipolar disorder actually is (the stereotypes are all wrong and good representation in media is rare, sigh) and while I'm not saying my interpretation is the only correct one as I'm a firm believer that anyone can see whatever they want in art and that's a beautiful thing, in my opinion there are enough things about Ivan's behaviour and character that make my bipolar Ivan Karamazov agenda worthy of being pushed a little.

This first part will be more of an introduction where I'll just talk, in general, about what I picked up on in the first half of the novel and then in the next parts (I don't know how many there'll be yet, there's a lot of stuff to say) I'll get more specific by going over Ivan's inner world and the more significant events that made me think yeah this young man definitely needs some lithium.

Let's start with this: I know every Dostoevsky character is fucked up in their own way, that's pretty much his thing, but there is a difference between being a little fucked up and being actually mentally ill. There's just something about Ivan that made something in my brain click and go bipolar, which has never really happened before.

Do I think Dostoevsky deliberately chose to make Ivan so bipolar coded? Considering at the time there was barely a name for this disorder (which isn't even the same name we use today), let alone an actual diagnosis, no. But as someone who is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I think his character makes a lot more sense if we see him as suffering from it. I even talked about this to my therapist who has read the book and he sees my vision too (lmao).

The thing that I'm sure jumps to someone's mind when it comes to Ivan and the topic of mental illness is the psychotic episode he goes through after Fyodor's murder, and while it kind of sustains my thesis on its own already, I thought he was bipolar coded way before that, because in my opinion there are a lot of subtle signs and behaviours that are kind of like little puzzle pieces that need to be put together to get to see the bigger picture, as bipolar disorder is not just the episodes someone goes through but also the impact those episodes have on them. It's a disorder that shapes the person, their brain chemistry and patterns and therefore their life in an irreversible way.

What initially struck me was how angry Ivan actually is. We don't really see it at first solely because we don't really see much of him in general, but I think that after he pushes Maksimov off the carriage without saying a word or explaining himself to his father we open some sort of Pandora's box. After that, almost every time he appears in the first half of the novel, he's angry. At the top of my head I can only think of two instances where he's not: when talking to Katerina before leaving for Moscow, which is also the first time we see him show an emotion other than anger (and it only took him, what? More than 300 pages? Yeah, relatable), and when he's at lunch with Alyosha shortly after. Other than that, he's always angry, and it's so visceral that I couldn't help but think that he feels that particular kind of deep rage only someone with bipolar disorder is capable of feeling (I personally nicknamed bipolar disorder the always fucking angry disorder). The way he's so deeply and irrationally angry that he feels himself shake and has to collect himself in order to not beat up Smerdyakov? The way he can't let it go and engages in conversation with him even though he himself doesn't even know why he's feeling or doing any of that? The way he treats his father? That's undiagnosed/untreated behaviour, I've been there. It may feel weird or even absurd if you're not familiar with this disorder, but there's a reason why the term bipolar rage is a thing: it is indeed on another level. It also seems like the only emotion he's comfortable with showing is anger and that's why it seems to be his only emotional outlet, as he didn't seem that eager to open up in front of Katerina and even when alone with his own brother you can feel some sort of awkwardness coming from him. I'll go into the specifics of that particular interaction with Alyosha in the future, but I think that after that Ivan's, very emotion-centered, character arc officially starts to develop as his relationship with his own feelings finally and slowly starts to change and becomes a tool to get him closer to the other characters. It's obviously not linear and I really like that, it feels very realistic.

Anyway, at first I thought I was just projecting, lots of people have anger issues and showing one symptom of something doesn't mean you have it, diagnostic criterias exist for a reason. The thing is, the more I read the more I noticed that not only Ivan happens to meet a lot of them, but he also shows some behaviors and has some personality traits that can easily be interpreted as bipolar coded (as I said a few paragraphs ago): his complex and peculiar type of loneliness, the emotional outbursts, his own perception of himself compared to how the other characters speak of him, his traumatic childhood, his attitude towards life (and death), the reasons behind his relationship with God and religion, his curated persona, the fact that no one seems to understand him. Not to mention he's described as having experienced depression and anguish multiple times in the past, and in a particular occasion in the novel not even knowing why (this one point in particular is very important as it connects to his attitude towards life and death, which is the most bipolar coded thing about him to me). All things I'll go over with more detail in the future when I'll get to his inner world.

For now I'll say that the main thing about bipolar disorder is that it fucks up one's emotions a lot, causing "inappropriate" or "abnormal" (for a lack of better terms) and exaggerated emotional responses and reactions in the people who have it (which usually manifest as the epic highs and lows the average person has at least heard of, but it can and does get more complicated than that) and I genuinely don't think Ivan reacts normally to anything, ever; the most noticeable thing to me is that his default reaction to anything, no matter what it is, is laughter. We also see him get extremely anxious to the point of being physically unwell and spiral a little after Smerdyakov and Fyodor tell him to go to Cermašnja due to what the former told him, which made me go damn, no one died yet and he's already paranoid?. His emotional regulation is a mess and he's so real (and bipolar) for that.

Another quite important thing about bipolar disorder is that it makes every emotion more intense to the point of confusion and being all over the place, which causes a person with bipolar disorder's emotional responses and reactions to be the way they are. Now, I'm not proclaiming myself as the one and only True Ivan Karamazov Understander, but I do think people tend to focus too much on his façade of coldness and on the darker side of his story, causing them to forget about how actually fun, passionate and almost childish he is at times. Ivan feels, and he feels deeply, and it isn't fair to overlook that just because he rarely shows it. Extreme rationality and collectedness can often also be a way to try to gain control over your symptoms (I'm guilty of that). We get to see some of his less collected emotionality in how dramatic he gets (like a true Karamazov) when reciting poetry in German to Katerina and in The brothers get acquainted, Rebellion and The Grand Inquisitor, as I already mentioned. At this point of the novel, something in particular happens and at this point in the novel I decide that yes, Ivan is bipolar coded.

I think I'll stop here at this sort of "cliffhanger" because this got quite long and I need one post only to elaborate that last paragraph. This isn't as coherent as I hoped it would be and, honestly, I kind of feel stupid, like I read too much into this and am seeing things that aren't there (how familiar, how fitting), but I wanted to share my perspective (and I'm also open to discussion!). Also, I won't lie, Ivan is my favorite character of The Brothers Karamazov and I don't think he's talked about enough, I've even seen people say he's the least interesting one out of the brothers which kind of broke my heart because I personally think he's the most interesting (no shade to the uninteresting Ivan gang of course). I don't know if I feel like that towards him because for the first time ever I got to see myself in a character and it was very important to me, but I don't think it really matters, "meeting" him made me happy and he will always be special to me, even if his story has its fair share of tragedy. Or maybe because of it. I'm planning on making a post about that and his ending in particular, but for now I'll focus on finishing this bipolar Ivan Karamazov essay.

No idea when I'll write the rest though, but I will.

[columbiastapshoes]

headcanons part 3‼️‼️ crazy‼️

hey guys it’s me the person with the regular posting schedule and normal amount of thoughts about this movie! woo hoo! this one is a bit shorter, my sk8 hyperfixation has been completely taking over my brain LMAO but without further ado here u go!

-columbia has a stuffed animal that she is extremely emotionally bonded to. i’d like to think it’s a rabbit with big floppy ears and it’s made out of that kind of rough towel-like texture ykwim?? but anyways she’s had it since she was little and it’s so dirty and has no stuffing in its neck anymore but she refuses to fix or clean it and just carries it around everywhere

-magenta fucking loves earth candy. homegirl is trying to keep up the “i hate this planet it has no redeeming qualities” act but as soon as someone walks into the room with gummy bears she goes absolutely feral

-frank is scared of cats. yes, i know he has the mannerisms of a cat and that is why it’s funnier to me that when he sees a cat he will just leave the room. but also he’s not like an “AAAAAAHHHH A CAAAT THATS SO SCAARRRYYY” person like he’s trying to be subtle about it and won’t admit to being scared but it doesn’t fool anyone

-brad LOVES 50s love songs and also jazz of all kinds. stole this bit from a fanfic but his nickname for frank is sinatra :3 but anyways he’s always playing an ella fitzgerald or doris day vinyl and humming along to the melody while he reads or does other stuff

-frank either wakes up at 5 am or 2 pm. no in between.

-is columbia a dancer? yes. does she use those skills when she’s just dancing to music by herself? absolutely not. she bounces to the beat like a toddler. i love her.

-frank again :3 that bitch absolutely has pierced ears, belly button, and tongue. the movie isn’t canon and i know what i’m talking about <3

-magenta is goth most of the time but when it gets really hot and she cannot survive in all black she gives up and goes whimsigoth with purples and dusty pinks and browns <3

-rip columbia u would have loved electro swing

-ever wondered how riff got that hunch in his back? i have the answer! when he and magenta were little he tried to cut her hair while she was sleeping and she judo flipped him and it just never healed properly

-i could have sworn i posted this one before but i can’t find it? so im just gonna say it now- after the movie events (in my brain no one dies and brad and janet unofficially move in let me have this) janet is trying so hard to be supportive of everybody and im picturing her and magenta as that customwoodburning clip that’s like “are you a les-bin?” “yes ma’am i am” “AWESOME‼️‼️‼️ 🔥🔥🔥”

-magenta is a witch and has an altar in her room, the first time brad went in there he accidentally bumped into it and was scared that the spirits were gonna be mad and kill him and magenta was jokingly like “yeah. ur dead” and he was like “oh no D:” and she had to clarify it was a joke

-frank reads erotic novels at the dinner table and comments on them out loud 🫶

-columbias favorite animal is a jellyfish. i have no reasoning but nell campbell indirectly talked to me and i have been hyperfixated on this movie for over 2 years so u can trust me on this one

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs Bridgerton S3

"I must say, all those piano lessons in Bath have reaped their reward." Is this their subtle explanation for where This Francesca has been the past two seasons?

"You do realize what tune she was playing right now, don't you? Mozart's Funeral March." "Oh god." Benedict said: I am both a scholar of art AND a smart aleck, Mum

Say what you will, Bridgerton knows the power of a good haircut

LMAO did they have Colin get his tiddies out in the carriage just to show off how hot he is since it'll take a while for him to get naked with someone else?

"It would be pleasant to have my own house." LMAO Francesca, extremely real reason to get married

I like the Featheringtons' husbands, they're just here to vibe

Speaking of marrying into money, Kate is truly the most gorgeous person alive. Bridgerton said: Do you want to watch beautiful people in fancy outfits struggling to socialize? And I said: Yes!

The way that despite their troubles, Eloise STILL protects Penelope's identity and keeps Cressida from sniping at her. The love story of MY season

"My stories from abroad are not suitable for such tender young ladies." With all due respect to Colin: Brother eugh, what's that?

"I take comfort in knowing that you will always be here to take care of me." What's the 1810s equivalent of putting your parents in a home? A convent? Lady Featherington inches closer with her every word to Penelope

"Perhaps something like what they are wearing in Paris?" [...] "I love it brother. Where is it from?" "A trader in Marseille." "My perfume is from Paris?" Bridgerton said: SUBTLETY WHO, COLIN X PENELOPE 4EVER

The sneaky looks on Anthony and Benedict's faces as they help Gregory run away with his bow and arrow KILL me

"I lost the battle, and I've no appetite for the war, so I've joined the winning side. Not unlike you, I take it? Or is this truly the new you?" Eloise said: People in superficial society houses shouldn't throw stones, Colin

(Also. I am in love with Eloise, she charms me more every season. Though wild that they're dissing Emma, Austen has women with SO much agency and Emma specifically is the lady of her house, someone throughout the novel learns that she DOESN'T know everything, and who vows herself not to marry until she changes her mind and falls in love with a friend)

[Voice breaking] "Now you have your life, and I have mine." ELOISE WAHHHHHH. I think she is totally justified, but god, friendship breakups are SOOO brutal

"In truth, I enjoyed having a purpose. Whereas now that you're back, I'm not certain what I'm supposed to do exactly." Explore bisexuality, Benedict <3

YEAHHHHHH Mondrichs!!! I hope society is kind to them

HAHAHAHAHAH I love Kanthony

Kate: You do know that what we are doing is not how one makes an heir?

Anthony, head still between his wife's legs: We have to start somewhere.

If they don't want me to want Penelope and Eloise to be in love, they HAVE to stop making her look at Penelope like that

HAHAHAHHA I love that Penelope, while getting attention from her nice hair and dress, is still extremely awkward when being talked to by a man. It is endearing

After the Queen Charlotte spin-off, I have a new appreciation for Lady Danbury and the Queen's friendship. Agatha knows how to get Charlotte going, 'bestie Lady Whistledown will get more recognition than you if you do not tell everyone who the hottest young debutante is'

Wondering if Kate's gown style is meant to invoke salwar kameez?

I hope Francesca and Penelope become closer!! Two gals who would rather die than talk to any man in this room:

"Why do I have the feeling that you in turn, know how to make one wither, if you so choose?" I do like Lord Debling so far, even if he looks MUCH older than Pen LOL

Every time they have a one-on-one interaction between a man and woman I'm like, why does it only sometimes matter if they're chaperoned LOL? Inconsistent

"You miss me, but you'd never court me. Is that correct?" GET HIM PEN

Not a season goes by that the Featheringtons are not in some kind of financial trouble. They're like the Coopers from The O.C.

"You disapprove? I thought we did not like Penelope." "What you did was cruel and unnecessary." I like both halves of this interaction, that Cressida is saying 'we' as in wanting to be on the same side as Eloise, and that Eloise is calling Cressida out for how awful she's been treating Penelope

I like that Cressida is both acknowledging that she's been unkind but also giving mind to the fact the women of the ton have been raised to be in competition with each other

God I love Kate and Anthony this season, sappy and sex-addled but also Kate making sure to think of Violet's needs and how difficult it would be to suddenly no longer be viscountess

While I do love the idea of charm lessons, and I cannot help but notice MOST of what Colin likes about Penelope are about him, "I know that you will lift my spirits, and make me see the world in ways I could not have imagined." "[You] have always truly made me feel appreciated.") Don't love that

"I will never forgive her," said Colin, about the woman he just called his very good friend and would later go on to marry

Surely the Mondrichs can decide how things are done in their own house, I highly doubt Violet and her husband or Kate and Anthony do separate bedrooms

HAHAHAH I wonder how many episodes Eloise will have fancy hand muffs to hide Claudia Jessie's broken arm

I guess I was wrong about Colin not getting naked, he's just frequenting brothels I suppose?

"Pen, living for the estimation of others is a trap." Spoken like a man who can inherit property and fortune through means other than marriage

I was thinking Francesca and Eloise were on similar plights, but it seems more that Francesca's beef is with any sort of attention than with being married

Hee hee, I love Hyacinth beating her older brothers at cards

"Somehow my character gets lost between my heart and my mouth." I feel that, Penelope! I have no idea what I'm saying half the time

"Your eyes are a most remarkable shade of blue, and yet they shine even brighter when you are kind." If I were Colin, this would immediately do me in, a compliment that specific is really something

This journal thing is symptomatic of Penelope's lack of respect for anyone's privacy, even if it is good she understands what Colin was doing in Paris

"I do not wish for her to be friendless, and you are perhaps all she has now." Eloise is SO understanding given what Penelope has said about her AND Colin

"I think of Prudence as a bonbon. Delicate, and oh so agreeable." "Mr. Dankworth, you are so... pretty." I love Mr. Dankworth. Pretty, loves his wife, gives great compliments, what more can I ask for?

Bold of Eloise to tell Cressida about Colin helping Penelope, she knows that Cressida has been purposely cruel to Pen before

"I think we have found your talent. You are a most entertaining speaker." YEAHHHHH Eloise, getting along with the girls with her gift for gab

"How are we expected to understand all these society rules when even someone born into this world cannot grasp them?" [Benedict makes a face but then smiles at being insulted] As I have been from his very first moment on screen, I'm in love with Benedict:

"We kiss, and then he makes an odd sound, and then goes to change his breeches." "His breeches remain on?" HAHAHAHAH every season there's a problem with no one offering the ladies any formal sex education

"I cannot think of anything [to gossip about] at the moment." GOOD FOR CRESSIDA

"I do not much care for idle gossip," said Penelope, like she wasn't the Queen of Capitalizing on Idle Gossip

I am SHOCKED that they have a character in a wheelchair on this show, and even more shocked there wasn't immediately some comment drawn to it, but glad! It may be a weird show when it comes to race, but at least it's not weird when it comes to ability?

The way the Colin Has Been Helping Penelope reveal was SO dramatic I thought it might actually be a dream sequence

"We can do whatever we want now. We are a married noble couple." That's what I'm talking about, Will

Penelope said: "Be a homie and kiss me," and Colin said: "I do not have the strength to deny that kind of request!"

This second kiss HAS to be a dream sequence, there's no way they'd jump into this without any preamble

Oh it was COLIN'S dream sequence, love that for him!!!!

Fhfkhfkjhf Colin: I did NOT have a wet dream, in case anyone wanted to know!

"[Hyacinth] waits for the maids to throw out last week's copy of Whistledown because she knows she is not allowed to read it." HAHA this is such a big brother thing for Benedict to say

"It was quite harsh what she wrote about you. Unnecessarily so, I think." Eloise said, be nicer to yourself, bestie

Colin does not know how to act around Penelope, this is the first time I've been endeared by him all season

"If I secure a proposal, it will be because of you." You know what that is, Penelope? Foreshadowing!

[Disdainfully] "Apparently he only eats vegetables." They disapprove of vegetarianism in Georgian England. Also. What a thing to say in front of two South Asian women, when India has the HIGHEST proportion of vegetarians in the world, and also has many historical and ongoing ties between vegetarianism and spirituality kjghgkjhg

Is the open mocking of other people supposed to be why we as the audience should be okay with Penelope exploiting other people's drama for profit? Cause I still don't appreciate 1810s Gossip Girl

God, Mrs. Mondrich is SO gorgeous. Peak beautiful people in fancy outfits

"I find your frankness immensely refreshing." I like Lord Debling more with every scene

"Do you feel some attachment to him?" Colin said: Penelope do you still like me check yes or no

Penelope just going "Yeah, me too," to all of Cressida's specific commentary about Lord Debling's interests is difficult to watch

Colin stopping the balloon is the first moment I have personally been attracted to him (ever, I think). I think the more casual outfit does do him some favours. This is his Anthony in the Lake moment

Weel weel weel, perhaps Violet will be finding someone to tend to her garden (her libido) soon

"I see you have met my brother, Lord Marcus Anderson." It would be SOOOOO funny if Violet fucks Lady Danbury's brother after finding out Danbury fucked her dad. It's very messy friendship LMAOOOO

"Perhaps we can enjoy the silence together." I like this man

"I am not afraid of you." "That... is a mistake." I was hoping Benedict would get to flirt with a man this season, but alas it does not seem to be in the cards (you're still bisexual to me, Benedict Bridgerton)

"Members of society do not work." Then how do they make money? Is it only what the crown gives you? What about the lawyers and doctors? Also lol @ this guy admitting that being a landlord isn't an honest line of work

"I do not wish to court someone exactly like myself. I want to be with someone who knows who they are, and embraces their own pecularity, as I do." Men in real life can never do for me what the men in Bridgerton do for me

"It is rare to begin as friends and for both parties to then feel more." I love that Colin is seeking out romantic advice from his mum, he's the only child so far who has earnestly listened to her

HAHAHAH not the I'm-asking-for-a-Friendcesca routine

Colin looked SO desperate to kiss Penelope that for a second I thought he might actually do it in the ballroom in front of everyone

They're selling me on Debling a little TOO much; it's like Daphne and the Prince. Like I know Pen and Colin are great friends, and that they have feelings for each other, but Debling seems like he would make an amazing husband, while I am less convinced that Colin would. Colin is sweet, but he is not street smart, and lacks the emotional awareness that Debling has:

Even if it's not what I ordered, I do enjoy Benedict catting around

What is Lady Danbury's beef with her brother LOL

"Step another pace backwards, you read me too well." Queen Charlotte's spinoff has really made me have a whole new appreciation for Brimsley

"But how will they know each other if they do not speak?" Honestly a very valid question, Violet

Considering that Lord Samadani wants to have eight kids, perhaps he should ask how many kids Francseca wants?

"Well, let him tell you about it. Men love to explain the world to us. If we have already explained it to ourselves through reading, then they will feel superfluous and unnmanned." Lady Featherington years ahead of her time in defining mansplaining HAHA

"Are there any novels in which the man goes travelling for a very long time, but his wife is happy to stay behind, tending the estate? I suppose that would not be a book with much sentiment, would it?" "Not necessarily. But if the wife had her own interests in life, then perhaps they could both be very happy." "A practical match, but a happy one? I like the sound of that." Again, you are selling me on Debling too well. I cannot believe you are making me root for a blond man with a Vegeta hairline*

*There's nothing wrong with the way this man looks, he just looks much older than Penelope!

"But it is tiring, is it not? The necessity for us to remain caveliar about the one thing in life that holds genuine meaning. Do you not find it lonely?" Colin Discovers: Toxic Masculinity Bad

"Do you know what is romantic? Security." Real, Lady Featherington

"My head is bottle-weary." What a poetic way to say you're hungover

Do we think Cressida and Eloise could fall in love? Let me have at least one lesbian in this show, please:

"And is your heart located in your breeches?" Apparently Lady Danbury's beef with her brother is that he is a slut

"To be honest, my work has such a large portion of my heart it may difficult to make more space. But I am very glad that you are someone who seems to have such a full life." Alright, I can see why Debling might not be the perfect match

Colin said: What up Penelope I'm here to ruin your marital prospects

"But these past few weeks have been full of confounding feelings. Feelings like a total inability to stop thinking about you. About that kiss. Feelings like dreaming of you when I'm asleep. And in fact, preferring sleep because that is where I might find you. A feeling that is like torture. But one which I cannot, will not, do not want to give up." I'll hand it to Colin, that was a pretty good confession, 8/10, I'd knock points off for the torture remark

Whoever is dating the Bridgerton cast has to be so strong, these scenes so impassioned

"For God's sake, Penelope Featherington, are you going to marry me or not?" Good for them!!!

I will say, bold choice to hard launch to the fam in the wee hours of the night immediately after a ball and fingering in the carriage, but if anyone's going to be cool about it, it's the Bridgertons:

EXTREMELY fair of Eloise to exit right away when she finds out her best friend with whom she has shared a borderline romantic breakup after several years of exploitation of her family for money and at least two pointed attacks on Eloise and her brother suddenly announces she's gonna be her sister-in-law

"And until he knows the real you, he cannot possibly love you." YOU RIGHT, ELOISE

"I will tell him. You have my word." "Very well." Kind of Eloise to still take Penelope at her word

NOT BENEDICT MISSING HIS BROTHER'S ENGAGEMENT BECAUSE HE WAS OUT PHILANDERING

Anthony and Kate are SO beautiful. I loooove them

"I am simply enjoying the view of my ravishing wife, and soon-to-be mother of my child." OOOOOh Kanthony baby, love that for them

HAHAHAHAH Anthony immediately forgetting how happy he is about the baby because he is PISSED another sibling is getting married without his permission

"I am one of the brothers as well." "I think of you as the family pet." BRUTAL HYACINTH HAHA

"If I do have to marry a man who could be my great-grandfather, we can at least use his money to shop, and queen over society like Lady Danbury." Cressida you are so lesbian to meeee

"The final part, the betrothal. it did all happen rather... swiftly." "It was swift because you--" "Are you going to duel your own brother or...?" Anthony's definitely thinking about it, Benedict!

Anthony insisting on Colin telling Penelope the depth of his feelings for her. That's growth, baby!

"I proposed to [Penelope] out of love, nothing less. And were you not so narrowly concerned over your own standing, you might see see that Penelope is the most eligible amongst you." Now THIS is the romance I'm talking about, Colin

"I will always stand up for you. Because I love you... Pen." "Are you sure?" [Nods] AWWWW they're so sweet

"You are cleverest, bravest woman I have ever known." Finally a compliment that feels like it's about Penelope (even if it was immediately followed by a comment about Colin)

I love Colin's Lustful List of How Hot His Fiancee is, and that he asks her specifically if she wants to stop because she's a lady!!

Oh smutty consensual Bridgerton, we back baybeeeeeeeee

"Tell me what to do." "I will do everything." "No, tell me." Ohhhhhh I love this

I LOVE knowing that Nicola Coughlan requested to be as naked as possible for this scene as a memory of how hot she is. And she was RIGHT

"Can we do it again?" "Give me five minutes. Maybe ten." HAHAHA this was a perfect scene from start to finish

"Is this the only reason you wish to delay our news? You are happy, I hope?" "Oh... Very happy." I love Anthony checking in on Kate about her pregnancy. He is such a sweet husband

"I wish to be married. Very much, in fact. I just hope my husband will not hide my piano stool from me." "I would not dream of it." I have been sold on John Stirling since his first shared silence with Francesca, I love them!!

"You seem to be quite good at [planning hospitality.]" "Oh, I am. I'd still much rather be out riding somewhere." I love Eloise and Kate's friendship also

"Finally, the woman will get the consequences she deserves." You see, Penelope, this is why you should have told Colin you were Whistledown BEFORE you agreed to marry him. Or before sex, or at any point whatsoever. You KNOW he has beef with Whistledown. This is engagement-ending stakes

God Eloise has been SO reasonable this whole time but I really do think the 5000 pound reward is a fair incentive to sell Penelope down the river for her own sake or even for Cressida's. It's tough being a lady in the 1800s!

"Somber clothing is best. Gray or brown. And we do not flit about town, engaged in gossip within the ton. We shall attend no more than one ball per month, and only if the hosts are of strong moral character. I certainly do not believe in music, and modern art nowadays is absolutey scandalous. Her tender eyes and ears will never be exposed to such filth." Not to be dramatic but I think Lord Greer has to die. Somebody needs to spook him really hard, he's like 105, it won't take much

"Featheringtons support one another." "Is that what you were doing earlier, supporting me?" "You are right, I have been unkind. But it stops now. And thankfully we have your engagement party coming up to allow us our fresh start." Parents really do think they can fix years of trauma with a single 'my bad'

"Your ledgers will not miss you, but your family will." A good wake-up call for Mondrich

"Do not take an interest in her. I have a new bow and arrow. Would you like to see it?" Tweens are still the same in 1815 HAHA

Hahaha Lady Danbury could not be emanating "Please don't fuck my brother," vibes harder. To which Lady Bridgerton said, "You fucked my dad, I'm definitely fucking your brother!"

"If it proves too difficult for you to reveal the truth, I will be merciful and reveal it to him myself. You have until midnight." Good for Eloise for giving her a deadline!!

AWWWWW John struggling through the boots story. He said: I'm an introvert and I will not be socialized, xoxo

"I know it is unlike you to cajole your own children." "You mock me." "As you rightly mocked me all last season." I missed these interactions between Anthony and Mama Bridgerton!!! I love when the Bridgertons are all in the same place

HAHAHAHA not Eloise dropping a really threatening post-script to Colin's speech about how excited he is for marriage

If they don't want me to want Penelope and Eloise to be in love, they gotta stop being so fucking intense all the time. They're turning charades into their own private intellectual battle

Also Cressida is reasonably, pretty jealous, considering the homoerotic friendship fight vibes. She said: Hey, I thought it was my turn to be gay!

Eloise said: I do not have time for two homoerotic friendships, sorry Cressida, Penelope has seniority

"All that to say, sometimes I miss what is right in front of me. But not Miss Francesca. Her, I saw straight away." I love you John, you are my favourite Bridgerton character of the season (book readers, tell me nothing!!)

"It is a great change, but you and I will make our way with our child, as we have always done with each other," said Anthony, like they weren't a whole mess last season public fucking in the Bridgerton gardens and getting into horse accidents

OMGGGGGGGGGG Cressida! Saying she's Whistledown so that she doesn't have to marry Lord Greer is truly a 'work smarter, not harder' moment

The smart move for Penelope would be to say nothing at all as Lady Whistledown and see how the Cressida thing pans out. Also, TELL COLIN!!

"You have many gifts, but cleverness is not amongst them." A harsh review on Cressida from Mama Cowper

"It is one thing to follow the rules. But if you want to win the game, you must lead it. Otherwise you will always be on the defensive." I love Agatha mentoring the Mondrichs

"Lady Bridgerton. Forgive my intrusion, I simply forgot my hat." Lord Anderson left his hat so he'd have an excuse to see her again. This is No. 1 in the Flirting Playbook

My question is: How do you have a booty call when you have have seven of your children in your house. Eight if you count in-laws!

Anderson really came to just flirt with Violet and leave. I love that!

"Excuse me, I have been taken ill of the plague, and you are all doomed by association." HAHAHA John is so funny. I keep saying I love him, but it's true

HAHAHAH Benedict ending his macaron fight with Gregory and Hyacinth by saying "Last macaron for you," to John, his new soon-to-be brother-in-law is incredible family dynamics at play

"Perhaps I can make Lady Whistledown go away, so she shall not be able to harm any of us again." "You will speak with Miss Cowper?" "With the scribe herself." Eloise is a WAY better friend than Penelope deserves

"Eloise, I have worked too hard for too long. Of all people, I refuse to let Cressida Cowper take credit." We have passed Bad Friend and circled to deranged. It is NOT girl boss behaviour to lie to your fiance and BRAG about exploiting your friend. Get some help, Penelope!

"Lady Whistledown is my name. Not hers." "Your name is about to Bridgerton. You cannot be both." YOU TELL HER, ELOISE

"We think speaking to the Queen would be the wisest decision." "Well, if you think you are up to it." "We would like you to speak to the Queen." Francesca said: I'm not afraid to have my mommy fight my battles for me

"What about my dreams?" "What dreams? Ladies do not have dreams. They have husbands." I know is a great line and a really stark commentary on the lack of independence for women of the era, but it also kinda reminds me of 'I do not remember names, I am female' in Queen Charlotte and that kills me a bit HAHA

"And my greatest wish has always been for you three to do better than I did. And you have." Penelope having her Mum Trauma healed in real time

Also Lady Featherington, the mess that she is, continues to be one of the most compelling characters in this show

"I am hosting a dinner party later this week. For you, and me, and my dear friend Paul. Will you come?" [CHANTING] BISEXUAL BENEDICT, BISEXUAL BENEDICT, LET HIM KISS PAUL

"I'm writing a manuscript in fact." [High pitched, perturbed] "Oh, are you?" That's also how I feel about Colin's manuscript, Benedict

Colin dancing with Penelope in the empty church <3 Stoppp it's so sweet. (Also. TELL HIM)

"May I present Lady Keswick." Danbury said: You will not be fucking my best friend on my watch, brother!! If only Eloise was this efficient

"It is no wonder Penelope abandoned you. All you ever do is talk. You clearly just envious that I have made something of myself." "Perhaps I am envious of Whistledown. It is quite a feat. And after spending a season feeling nearly invisible, I almost understand why one might be driven to write it. Congratulations on your hard-earned success." Not another homerotic friendship break-up. That's 2 for 2, Eloise!

It must be weird for all the Featheringtons now that Penelope is the favourite child

Well, burning every copy of Whistledown she's made and hanging up her pen is the second best thing that Penelope could do other than TELLING COLIN

They're really namedropping the town of Mayfair more this season than any before it

"You know my favourite part about dressmaking is seeing the glow on a woman's face when she puts the dress on. I can't imagine ever giving that feeling up. At any rate, we will make you the most beautiful dress." I appreciate Delacroix sharing what she thinks about Penelope giving up the column without pushing her in any sense

Things are going pretty well for me Bisexual Threesome Dreams:

Every since that one post about how the Bridgertons are the Kardashians of their town because they're popular, rich and keep getting with people of colour, I CANNOT stop thinking about it. Particularly for Lady Bridgerton and Lord Anderson, who are now Nicer Kris Jenner and Old Timey Hoe Corey Gamble in my mind

HAHAHAHAH Agatha really said: Marcus I will introduce you to EVERY widow in this town if it keeps you away from Violet

"Not bad. Not bad at all." God I love the Mondrichs earning the Queen's respect by throwing the sickest first ball the town has seen

"I have supported you." "You have been perfunctory in your support." Something something when the people who you love fail you

"Not every attachment must be dramatic and hard-fought. What John and I have is easy... and I love him, Mama. Even if it is not the love you want for me." We have now circled back to Violet's S2 ideology that Bridgertons are physically incapable of having a healthy courtship. Francesca has one, and it's nearly destroying her relationship with her mother LMAO

"The night before I was to be married, I very nearly escaped to freedom. Do you think I did not know that it was you who betrayed me to our father? I heard him thank you." That's really fair, I know it's been like 30 years and Agatha has a really nice life now, but financial independence does not make up for years of marital [LOUD FOGHORN NOISE] and the general unpleasantness of being married to Lord Danbury

"Soma. Soma..." "Soma? You think you can call me by my born name, and right the wrong?" Lord Danbury took her NAME? EUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I genuinely think that Marcus didn't know. It's giving, for me it was the worst day of my life, for you, it was a Tuesday

"Apparently the wine has made me rather rude." "It has also made you rather charming." I think Benedict is about kiss a man. I have NEVER been happier while watching Bridgerton. I have been saying Bi Benedict since Day 1. He's my people. That is a bisexual man!! I had to pause to hop around for a minute because I am that thrilled at the possibility what I have been asking for 3 years might actually come to fruition. GOD BLESS SHONDALAND. [HOLT FROM B99 VOICE] VINDICATION

Benedict after a man has flirted with him for the first time: I gotta go think about some stuff

I was joking, but HE DID have to go think about some stuff. Aww baby, you'll get there!

Not "[In BSL] she is the Devil," at Cressida hahahaha Sign Language Mama doesn't hold back

"Those [personal passages in my journal] are only for you." Awwww Colin that's sweet

Cressida is so unhinged for posting a Whistledown mid-ball. I do love the drama of it though

HAHAHA them having a close-up of Mama Cowper's arm with ink stains if we couldn't tell it was her from Cressida's near-and-far-far-and-wide speech earlier to the cohesive bulletin of her mum's writing. They don't do subtlety in Bridgerton

AWWWW the Crisis of Cowpers bringing Eloise and Penelope back together again. I can only imagine Colin's gonna overhear their conversation

"Writing was the only way I felt I could have a voice. And I should've been using the column to give a voice to the other voiceless. I have done plenty of damage with my pen. Please, let me use it now to do some good." "You must get a full issue out right away." I LOVE YOU PENELOPE AND ELOISE SOLVING THIS TOGETHER. CRIMES PARTIALLY FORGIVEN, PEN!

"You... are Lady Whistledown?" Turns out he followed her to the publishing house. FINALLY THOUGH. Talk it out, you Bonkers Betrothed

[Tearfully] "All of the lies... you have told me. All of the things you have written about me and my family." That is SUCH a fair reaction Colin, Penelope really has built an empire on shit-talking your family in secret

"I will never forgive you." Really? Cause you've got like 3 weeks to figure it out before your wedding, Colin

"Perhaps, because a few of [the Bridgerton children] may be of dubious parentage." What does that even MEAN, Cressida!! Which parent are you suggesting was getting around

Also, how's Penelope planning to explain the situation with Colin to anyone. What's Colin gonna do? The last time a woman lied to him, he had to end an engagement

"How many eyes exactly do you think there are in the ton?" "Double the amount of people, I would imagine." Philippa and Prudence's dialogue is great

"Whenever I try to grasp her hand these days, she does not swat it away with nearly the same gusto." Prudence has married the only man in this town with a rejection kink

"Perhaps I should read it then. I could use a distraction." You can't read your way out of bisexuality, Benedict. Try taking Am I Gay Quizzes and failing them. It worked for me!

"I cannot help you with this, Pen. I am so grateful for everything you have done for me, but already, I feel in the middle between you and Colin. Perhaps I always have been." That's because your friendships always lean romantic, Eloise!! And your best friend loves to lie all day every day

"But I hope you know that my care for you is not contingent on your aid. I am here for you, Agatha. Always. Even when there are no unmarried children left to help." [Softly] "Thank you, Violet. That means a great deal to me." Ohhhhh I love their friendship

"Are you going to stop publishing?" "I do not know." At least Penelope is finally being honest

Colin said: I'm still gonna marry you, but I'm not gonna be happy about it, Pen!!!

HAHAHAHA Tilley inviting Benedict over for an After You Ran Away from Our Threesome Offer Debrief. You know, I found them boring in the first half, but they've really sold me on the second half

"I have known men like Mr. Suarez, but I myself have never felt tempted... before." Oh, that's a qualifier Benedict

"But a feeling between two people, whatever their sex, is the most natural thing in the world." Lady Tilley said: Let me be your Bisexual Guru, Benedict

"If you did not feel anything with Mr. Suarez, then let us, you and I, continue on our own. But you should know... my staff are very discreet." GOD. That we are not only getting bisexual Benedict but that he is getting a bisexuality ARC. More than I could've asked for. I am kissing the Bridgerton writers on the mouth. Giggling and kicking my feet

Look at him trying to figure out if his sexuality. Benedict Girl til I die. FAVE FROM DAY 1

Violet lustfully watching Lord Anderson eat a fruit jelly. This is EXACTLY what Colin did to Penelope. Like mother, like son. All of her kids are different aspects of her personality

"I am not uninterested in exploration. But I will not know if I am ready for that, until after the affairs are... in order. Especially because I am not the only whose affairs need ordering." Violet said: We cannot start a situationship until you sort out your relationship with your sister, Marcus

When Cressida stared into the mirror I did expect Chappell Roan to start playing in violins

"Well, if I am to be bold, I should need some time to think about it." HAHAHA John Stirling, love of my life (second only to Benedict)

"Is everything well?" "Is everything well with you?" The B & C are really going through it on this stag night

"You were a girl who did not know her own power." "But does that justify it?" "No." Madame Delacroix is the realest friend

I really am glad that Colin is airing out all of his beefs with the Whistledown papers. He deserves to give her a lecture

"I can take care of myself." "Then what good am I to you?" "Colin, I love you!" Colin, you have value beyond what you can do for others

Also I can't believe they're ending this fight by getting frisky on the street. WHERE ARE YOUR PRIORITIES, YOU FREAKS? (AFFECTIONATE)

Relationship status: It's extremely complicated:

"Two glasses is celebratory. One whole bottle is a cry for help." HAHAH I love Kate's zingers, she's truly sharp as a tack

[Kate, laughing] "You think our marriage is perfect?" [Anthony, immediatley heartbroken] "Is it not?" HAHAHAH THEY ARE SO CUTE

Every time Kate makes any reference to marriage being hard, Anthony immediately gets upset and goes, 'I love you, our marriage has no flaws, why are you bullying me?'

"I drunk a whole bottle before my wedding (the second wedding) and it was deeply celebratory. Three raw eggs in the morning." It's been a while since Anthony has broken out Dad Mode, but that was a good one

The context that Marcus was 10 years old when he ratted out Agatha trying to escape really does make me not blame him quite so hard for it. He was a kid, he didn't understand long term consequences!

"You had something in you all along, a kind of courage I never dreamed of having. I have wished so many times that I had stood up to him. For you. For myself." New Bridgerton Dubious Race Trope unlocked: Why do all the Black characters (Simon, Agatha, the ongoing plot around the Mondrichs, Marina and Charlotte not having parents at all) have abusive or absent fathers? Discuss

But to be fair, most people in Bridgerton have absent or dead fathers. They're like 'Men? We don't need 'em!'

Also, good for Marcus for putting his resepect for his sister into words

"Do not come for my cane. I suppose you got all the good joints in the family." What a chronic pain sister with a healthy brother mood

"At last, my life is full of joy. And I've been afraid you would take it away from me." "Any joy I am after, I deep hope you are a large part of." Ohhhhhhh we love a healing of family trauma. This is the season of Therapizing Your Relatives

The way they keep referencing Anthony and Kate's wedding that they completely skipped. LOL

WHY IS YELLOW BY COLDPLAY THEIR WEDDING MARCH SONG LMAOOOOO

To date they have not shown a wedding under normal circumstances. Someone's always fighting, or lying, or under duress. It's brutal actually

Ohhhhh the way Colin nods at Penelope like 'we'll be okay.' MY HEART. I do love that they are friends in love getting married

I do feel like this was the most normal wedding so far. Good for them!

"Which brother or sister do you like the best?" "Gregory, clearly." HAHAHA I love Benedict and Eloise's little chats. Best sibling duo

"Love is not finite, Eloise. The friendship you have with Penelope is a lucky thing. As is the one you have with Colin." AWWW Eloise is sad because she thinks they don't have room for her in their hearts (Penelope especially, I think)

"Our child... will always be a Bridgerton. But I should like them to know that they are a Sharma as well, know their history. And it is important for me to know it so that we can share that history, with our child, together." I know that this India trip probably solves a plot purpose of giving Anthony and Kate a place to be but I can't help but also think of what a great example of cross-cultural parenting Anthony is providing. He's so good!!

Anthony and Kate really do be kissing in public all the time, HA

"Weddings are never for the bride and groom, even when things are... well, between the couple." "Thank you, for allowing me work it out for myself." [Lightheartedly] "Well, this wedding couldn't plan itself. I have not had time to meddle. Whatever it is, I know you will resolve it." Lady Featherington and Penelope have come a long way

Them doing the cutaway to them being the only people in the room while they dance. I see you 2005 Pride and Prejudice fan who did directed this scene

"I did not think you a dancer." "Perhaps not. But perhaps we should both be more bold in declaring ourselves." Is it unfair to Colin and Penelope if I say Lord Kilmartin and Francesca are my favourite couple of the season? 'Cause they are

Now that Lady Danbury is cool with Violet and Marcus, Anthony has switched to 'HEY. HEY DO NOT HIT ON MY MUM, LORD ANDERSON. THAT'S MY MUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' O'VISION

I love that the Queen said, "Everyone who's not a Bridgerton, get out," and Lady Danbury said, "Hey, I am at least half Bridgerton by now, I'm staying."

"Do you know what it is like to have nowhere in the world where you can truly be yourself? You cannot possibly know, because you are not a woman. You have the choice to be any kind of person you wish to be, while the only choice women have is to conceal the parts of us the world will not accept." Penelope said: Lying to your fiance and exploiting his family for money is feminism, actually

It's very reasonable for Colin to not accept Penelope continuing to be Whistledown

Aww at least Eloise and Penelope's friendship is back in full force

VINDICATIONNNNNNNNN. BISEXUAL BENEDICT CANON. I WIN. WE ALL WIN. I KNEW HE WAS THE MOST BISEXUAL BRIDGERTON. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

They split this season in two halves just so they could bisexualize Benedict during Pride Month. That's the reason. I've decided. Happy Pride Month to me!!!!

Also the emotional contrast of these last couple of scenes jgjhgjh

Colin: Fighting with his wife about life-altering deal-breaking secrets 0.03 seconds into marriage, on edge, disappointed and heartbroken

Benedict: Realizing there's a whole other kind of sex he could be having, and having a great time

"You will pay me my sum, or I will reveal the truth to the entire ton." Cressida isn't nice, but she did make a good detective and subsequently, blackmailer

Poor Violet trying to avoid being thrown into scandal once more. Also her and Anthony with parallel declarations that they would've noticed if someone in their house was Whistledown, even though it was Penelope, who until now, has lived across the street

Also also also: Francesca now dropping her own news that she's moving to Scotland Post-Haste

It is satisfying to see Penelope, Colin, Eloise and Lady Featherington all trying to sort out this Whistledown blackmail because they're all aware

"I will not cower to Miss Cowper. I will call upon her tomorrow. Bring her to see this course of action is ruinous for everyone involved." Good luck, Colin

HAHAHAHA again with the contrast of Benedict's family being in crisis while he is off Philandering: Bisexuality Edition

"You do not sound as if you hate Whistledown. You sound as if you are jealous of her." [Unconvincingly] "No I'm not."

Cressida making the sum twice as much + a nice review in Whistledown when Colin tries to empathize with her with his excellent man-free-for-world-travels and supportive family. I'm not gonna lie, kinda girlboss of her

HAHAHAHA Benedict has had no scenes in the past half an hour of Bridgerton but back-and-forths to him and Paul and Tilley. I love it. He's having a great night. They're leaving no doubt about him enjoying this

Also. Not to be bisexual myself. But Benedict being with a man and a woman at the same time is doing more for me than any other Bridgerton scene has ever done. It's a combination of vindication, being a Benedict girl, and the high of hot bi people. Bridgerton. I once again give you a little kiss on the mouth

"You are both adults. You may do as you wish. After all, it is not as though I asked your permission." I cannot believe Agatha is using this Are-You-Gonna-Date-My-Brother talk to confirm that she fucked Violet's dad. Unhinged. Incredible. What the hell!!

"I know my father was a good man. And that you have been a very good friend. And that is all I need to know." Not good enough to not cheat on his wife though, Violet! But I love the sentiment

"And my brother is a good man. And you are a good friend. And that is all I need to know as well." Awww, I do love a mirrored dialogue. I've said it before but Agatha and Violet's friendship is perhaps my favourite on this show

The zoom in on the Birthday hat was EVIL. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

"How do you stand society events?" "I suppose I have love to give in abundance. Love for a bit of chitchat. And love for a good party. Especially a party of three." Benedict is still a romantic at heart, even in a threesome pile

OMG HAS COLIN KEPT EVERY LETTER PENELOPE HAS EVER WRITTEN HIM? I LOOOVE

This does kind of get me thinking of how they handle garbage disposal in Georgian England

Finally the embezzlement funds from Cousin Jack come back to haunt them. The Featheringtons are never not in financial crisis

"What will Lady Whistledown write about our disgrace when I am exposed?" "She will write whatever I like her." "That is a agreat power. What a thing you have made for yourself." This is the most optimistic final take Lady Featherington could have on her daughter being an infamous gossip columnist

"It is my great hope that the silence and beauty of Scotland will allow me to know myself better, so that you can all know me better as well. I want nothing more than to be close." Francesca has such a good heart

"For a long time, I thought that is what love must be like for everyone. Surprising, forceful, quick. But you have shown me that there is another way. There is... beauty in the slow approach." You know what that is, Violet? That's growth! She's such a good mum

"May you now live together in holy matrimony until your dying breath." Ominous way to end their vows (book readers, tell me nothing!!)

What is the proper way to court a widow? I guess we'll find out!

"Lady Bridgerton, I see your openness reflected in Benedict, your charm in Colin, your wisdom in Eloise, and a brightness you've instilled in both Gregory and Hyacinth. In this moment, where I feel so much gratitude for my new wife, I feel it in equal measure for the remarkable woman who raised her. I thank you, all of you, from the bottom of my heart." Good speech John, I think you've really won the Bridgertons over

Francesca and John's wedding wins for most normal for sure

AW FRANCESCA AND VIOLET'S DUET. Something something complex relationships with your mother:

Also also also. Why are half the scenes in Bridgerton filmed like we're in somebody's pocket. Or in the flower vase. The huge blurs are distracting

"It is not what you do for me that makes me love you. It is your kindness. Your empathy. How much you care. Just being you is enough, Colin. I do not need you save me. I just need you stand by me." I'm glad Penelope is telling Colin this outright, he needed to hear it

"Tilley, you are extraordinary, but I am not certain that serious is what I want." Benedict is the only Bridgerton who knows how to communicate his feelings directly right away

"Is it because of Paul?" "No. Paul could be Patricia, or Polly, or Peter, or all three at once. What happened between the three of us, what has happened to me since I met you, has made me realize how good it feels to be free. You've opened my world. I am not ready to close it again just now." Benedict said: I gotta sow my wild bisexual oats, Tilley, I am not looking for a wife at present

We are BACK at the Bisexual and Lesbian Sibling Swingset. This is where I first grew so attached to Benedict and Eloise. It really is a full circle moment:

"It feels right now that the next thing I learn may change me entirely." "I agree profoundly with everything you've said, as I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." Their dialogue is so fun

"We should not let so long pass again between us before we meet on these swings to be entirely confused together." BENEDICT. B AND E BEST SIBLING DUO

Lady Featherington saying she's proud of her daughters like it's been ripped out of her forcefully. She is so my mum-coded LMAO

"She calls upon my mercy, asking to address you all herself. To plead her case publicly, before I pass my judgment. So I turn the floor over now to the scribe herself." This is a very dramatic way to resolve the Lady Whistledown situation but I guess they did leave it til the last 20 minutes of the season

Also RIP Cressida, who is definitely being shipped off to Wales

"She seems humbled, but we will be watching that she remains so. What is life without a little gossip?" Wow, all took was 3 minutes of 'my bad, you're actually very brave for doing things where I can see them, I won't do it again xoxo' to win over the whole ballroom and the Queen. Power of Lady Whistledown, I guess!

HAHAHAHAHA THE BUGS THAT PHILIPPA LOVED SO MUCH BEING BUTTERFLIES. I WAS KIND OF HOPING THEY WERE SPIDERS (EVEN THOUGH THEYR'E ARACHNIDS) FOR THE COMEDY, BUT THIS IS MUCH CUTER

"You... are a genius." "I know!" Hee hee, go Featherington (or Dankworth-Finch, as it were) sisters

"There is only one person who loves the Bridgertons more than I." "You knew it was me." "I suspected. You are not the only lady of the ton who can keep a secret." YEAH AGATHA <3

"We can now tell that solicitor that money came from my writing. He will have no recourse. Time for us to do better." [Softly] "My girl." I wonder if Lady Featherington is gonna come clean and give the money back

"You have always had one voice. There is no separating you from Whistledown. And after seeing you speak today, well, I would not want to." AND it fixed her marriage. What a powerful speech

"If my only purpose in life is to love a woman as great as you, then I will be a very fulfilled man, indeed." "I love you. You are very good man, Mr. Bridgerton." I didn't buy the forgiveness because it feels super rushed, but I do buy this

"Francesca Bridgerton. Kilmartin. Kilmartin is my name now." Ggkhkgjhgkjhg why is Francesca so flustered by Michaela Stirling? Is she also gonna go down a sexuality journey?? Not the sibling I anticipated!! Also does them introducing a new character mean the story will follow Eloise and Francesca in Scotland

Also wait wait wait. IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FRANCESCA'S (BOOK SPOILERS THAT I HAVE VAGUELY OBTAINED) OTHER LOVE INTEREST? OH MY GOD

"Only until next year. Do you think Mama would ever let me miss her Masquerade Ball?" WEE OO WEE OO I KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT THE BOOKS TO KNOW THAT THAT MEAN'S BENEDICT'S NEXT BABEYYYYYYY

You know, I kept thinking about how Penelope had lost a titled match for Colin, who is the third son, and it turns out they do get to have a little baby Lord Featherington! And she gets to pass on her family name. I love that for Penelope:

What this season lacked in pacing, it more than made up for in gusto, Bisexual Bridgertons, really powerful and satisfactory friendships, a ton of Bridgerton family interactions, and more than enough romance to keep me giggling and kicking my feet for days. Honestly, it might be my favourite season, for little to do with the main couple, everything to do with the drama and excitement and fun dialogue of it all. I do really keep enjoying this show!! Every part of Bridgerton is good after S1 LOOOOL. KEEP 'EM COMING BABY!

[todorroki]

Love Sea ep 6 thoughts

the way this show loves to go from backstory → sweetness → [fire emoji x10] should be studied fr

this post is gonna be mega scattered thoughts sorry

i did NOT notice until this episode, but tongrak lives by water which is so fitting.

i know we're trauma dumping in the first 10 minutes, but can i just appreciate the lighting in this scene. again, i don't know a single thing about cinematography, but like the warm glow behind mut and the cool tones of rak's shot being hit with a subtle warm light. is it intentional? I DONT KNOW!! i don't even know if what i'm saying makes sense LMAO but i feel Something. also plus points for showing peat's beautiful eyes. i love seeing them in the light.

and the cuddle scene in bed after this is so chef's kiss. I TOO WANT TO LAY ON FORT'S WARM CHEST!!!!!!

tongrak's mannerisms are so cute like the snuggling, the pouting, etc. i think peat accentuates that so well too (or am i being biased again idk idc)

please this part...... UUUUOOOOGGGGHHHH mut holding rak's hands down, the slow build up to kiss, rak with his tongue out ready to go..... fortpeat know how to dial it up!!!!! their tension is crazy

also thank u for the thighs. i love thighs. fort's thighs in those jeans. and peat's are always out in this series thanks to the short shorts.. brain food.

i want khom's green fit so bad like THE PASTEL and my favorite color. i'm wondering if we'll get to see connor at all besides his voice. in the novel, he shows up with khom during this part.

i'm glad we're getting to see more of rak and vi's friendship. i feel like there's been a lack of that so far so this short scene is good to solidify their closeness. also the way peat smushes his face against the pillow here is SOO cute. he plays cute pouty kitten characters so well.

also vimook... THEY'RE SO UNSERIOUS!!!!!!!! PLEASE mame what is ur plan for them bc i am literally the mf crying emoji seeing their progression. the show is already deviating from the novel (they have extra scenes in the series iirc) so i don't know what to expect.

BRING HIM BACK TO THE WATER!!! HE BELONGS ON THE ISLAND. mut in the city but near water... so close yet so far....

also finally we get meena aka we're truly starting the conflict of this story. i really have to praise nina. fortpeat have said before she's good, but i've never watched anything she's in so i didn't know but yes. she is GOOD. kid/young teen characters can be super hit or miss and i think nina hits it out of the ballpark. she's VERY natural and comfortable with her line delivery and expressions.

i think one of peat's strongest points as an actor is his display for yearning. he's so ridiculously good at internal panic.

also how can i NOT mention the face-fucking nc at the end!!! after getting interrupted twice (once last ep and during the mid-way point of this ep) i was like we have to get Something right? AND WE DID RAAAH I LOVE WINNING!!!!! love sea truly does make me feel like im constantly winning in the nc department.

SHOUTOUT TO PEAT ACTING A CUTIE (and leg... i love leg)

anyways i will be gushing abt fp for a second here LIKE OOH MY GOD THEY ARE JUST SOO SOFT TOGETHER LIKE

DOMESTICITY!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROMANCE!!!!!!!!!!!! COMFORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY CAN DO IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

idk if mmy will have anything for them after this (i think they hinted at SOMETHING but it's most likely not a series) but i need some casting person out there to see them and be like "YES FUCK WE'RE HIRING" LIKE IM GONNA NEED MORE AFTER THIS SERIES PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE the way they fit together..

[fumifooms]

Hey what're your thoughts on how marcille and chilchuck show affection for marchil?

I mean, marcille seems to be the type to be the most blatantly affectionate of the two, but I want to know your headcanons and observations on the subject. How do they communicate their wants for affection, and what do they view as signs of affection (ex: hugs, small gifts, ect.) and such?

Sorry it took me this long to answer!! Thank you sm for sending a marchil ask my way I swear I love them sm, they spark joy and even if I have uhh -checks- 67 drafts already I love dropping everything for them when the mood comes hehehe. I love talking about love languages actually! Little did you know that the first post I made on this blog was about analyzing the love languages of an ot3 lmao. The only reason why this is so late overdue is because as always I’m going to talk so much about it. The pics I put in it are relevant but I don’t put them right beside where I make my point, so stick with me even if they’re a bit jarring at first, they’re just meant to show aspects of them~.

Marcille and Chilchuck’s love languages

+ their domestic romantic dynamic. I’ll say, I ended up talking even more than I expected, and though it is in a marchil context I think my analysis of the characters is relevant even if their partner was anyone else, so non-marchil shippers might also enjoy this post! Give it a shot maybe~

To open it up, I think this post is very relevant. Marchil is def a ship where the ways in which they say they love each other feel more subtle, for Chilchuck at least.

Their perspective, boundaries and overlap

I think Chilchuck and Marcille recognize the other’s way of showing affection well, though it’s very obvious that Marcille and Chilchuck’s ways are super different. Marcille is very open and loud and Chilchuck… Isn’t. Chilchuck is reserved while Marcille loves to get all the affection she can get. Marcille could be seen as too much while Chilchuck would be too little. One could even say they aren’t compatible, but I think that’d be a mistake.

Yes Marcille loves big grand gestures and a lot of open communication, but her thing is analyzing people as they are, like how when she imagines how it’d have been like as his wife she put in details like how he’d be annoyed at having to wait for her to get ready and didn’t idealize that part of their relationship. She’s very good at putting herself in others’ shoes, at understanding why they might feel this or that way. She typically doesn’t seem put off when Chil is snappy or discouraging at her, like when she shows him the ball of Izutsumi’s hair that she shaped into a cat lol. (The panel at the start of this section was when she was disappointed in him for cheating on his wife, so her good esteem for him was gone). She has a high esteem of Chilchuck’s intentions and has good faith in him overall, so instead of going "He’s annoyed at waiting on me… Am I annoying to him? Does he dislike me?" or "He didn’t notice I got upset when we were out drinking with his colleagues. Does he even love me anymore? Would he care if I left him?" she goes "Oh that’s just how he is, I know if there’s an actual issue he’ll tell me, and he still has my best interests at heart.". Who knows if she’d always be able to rationalize and keep that optimistic attitude up long term, but it gives me a good impression that she would! Or that at least she’d communicate about it if she felt their relationship had a problem. She loves to confront people about that sort of thing! She can be more insecure and meek when the topic is sensitive to her like her being a half-elf, but when it comes to relationships like that, I believe she’d stand up for herself if it came down to it. The way she said that his wife might have left to "test his love" and see if he’d chase after her is a bit worrying to me, but ultimately I think that was her dramatic novels fan self talking and not something that she’d do herself. If she did leave, she would sooo leave a super long dramatic letter about how she felt and the situation and he’d reply and they’d make up I think. ANYWAYS!

Of course everyone needs to be shown some affection once in a while regardless of if she knows well how he is or not, and Marcille would be very unashamed about asking that of him. She’d respect his boundaries with public displays of affection as much as he’d demand it, but she’d be her usual overt self with stealing kisses or making him say I love you regularly. 0 PDA would be rough on her if Chilchuck wanted it that far, but she’d do it, she’d be able to twist it into something endearing too, like her being like "No one else gets to see him this way but me, I have this sweet side of him all to myself" and "He’s just reserved like that, it makes the time when he does show it all the more meaningful", them cuddling a ton as soon as they get home and Marcille feels touch starved, etc etc. So what I’m getting at with all this is: Marcille’s love languages are very self-evident and hard to miss so unless Marcille suddenly acts mopey and doesn’t tell him why, and unless Chilchuck has some anxiety (what with his ex wife just up and leaving without him having been able to see the warning signs), he would feel very confident in her love for him and comfortable in the relationship, if not a little tired or frustrated with some aspects of it if she sometimes does too much.

Meanwhile, like mentioned, even if Chilchuck’s love languages are more subtle, more rooted in casual domesticity rather than big gestures or words, Marcille would see and recognize that and not hold it against him or feel burdened by it. She highly values communication —in a way they both do, even if when it’s about feelings Chilchuck becomes a bit of an ostrich hiding his head underground— so if there’s a problem she’ll for sure confront him about it too. Chilchuck is good at voicing when there are practical problems or when he’s uncomfortable, and Marcille is good at voicing when there are emotional problems, so they’re pretty complementary in that way.

Surprisingly I think if she ever did a marriage proposal it’d be very private though, it’d be a big deal to her and she would want to talk about it in the comfort of their lonesome, already thinking through the grief and how everything would work. I think Chikchuck would also prefer a private proposal, but on the other end I could totally see him thinking she’d love this grand fancy gesture of a big public proposal and organize one for her (Ooh good fic prompt right there). Once they’ve talked it through though they’re both very enthusiastic about it and openly talk about it with friends and coworkers, and Marcille gushes about her fiancé and they both have bachelor parties on their own end and whatnot. The big day would be a fun one, and the daughters would be the perfect wingwomen I believe~

Their love languages

Alright now that the groundwork is done let’s do this thing! Ok so the "official" love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts (giving and receiving), quality time and acts of service.

Marcille

Starting with Marcille, she’s pretty balanced I’d say! In the sense that she cranks them all to the max. Oh yes, and part of it is that she’s very aware that the time they have together is counted, so she wants to make the most out of every moment.

Idk if it’s fair to say that Marcille has something like separation anxiety, what with her getting mad at Falin when she left and they didn’t see each other for 4 years, and with during canon with Falin and such, because they’re all intense situations that don’t necessarily show how clingy(or not) she would be under normal circumstances (and she doesn’t live with them so she’s def ok with distance to some degree), but also I def think it’s fair to say that due to her experiences with loss she’s scared of taking her eye off of someone she loves for one moment and for them to disappear, also like how we see her talk to Izutsumi when she thinks she’s going to prison. All that to say that yes, quality time!! She adores quality time, she’s the kind to soak up in someone’s presence even if they’re doing completely different things in the same room. She loves talking with him, cooking with him, bathing with him, even just chilling on the couch together. Post-canon they’d both be rather busy I imagine, so it only makes those moments they share more important. They’re trying out the long distance thing and making it work with the power of communicating well 🙏 Again, she’s big on acts of service, would resurrect you, would bathe you, would nurse you back to health or do something for you. Since she’s observant I could see her noticing subtle things in Chilchuck’s routine that she could help with, like getting his mug of coffee for him each morning, etc. I feel like those things are so natural to her that she wouldn’t mention them to Chilchuck or talk about how she does these things, so if she’s doing too much Chilchuck has to tell her because she won’t realize otherwise.

Gifts. We see with how she showers Chil in apology gifts intended to be from him to his family that she does value gifts! Giving wise, I think she’d be the type to be out shopping, see something that reminds of you then get it for you casually. It’s probably resulted in a few joke gifts that did not land lol, like idk modern AU a grumpy cat mug, or socks with "If you can read this bring me a beer" written underneath them. She’ll also put her heart and soul into gifts sometimes, especially for birthdays which mark the passage of time for her and even if a year passes by a little fast she makes it a point to always always go all out about it, she wants to show that he matters to her and thinks of him a lot, so she’ll put all of herself into picking out an heartfelt gift. She can get a little stressed and perfectionist over it but she does genuinely enjoy picking out gifts and giving them. Receiving wise, she’s also super big on it! She’s the kind to instantly value gifts more than other, maybe better suited options she has, like if you give her an ugly hair accessory or a mug she’ll 100% use them all the time from then on… Until she passes onto something new and the item gets sidelined a bit, but then when she’ll find it again years from then on she’ll be struck by memories and emotions and how much it all meant to her. I could see Chil getting her choker necklaces like she often wears for example, or books he can’t begin to understand about magic theory. It’s not as much of a ‘love language’ as the other ones I think, but she does really appreciate them, and if Chil makes an effort to get her flower bouquets somewhat regularly it would for sure make her feel really loved and happy. Oh yes! Also I def think that if she took up sewing or (personal hc) she’d love felting bc of when she did a tiny Izutsumi with her hair, she’d love making handmade gifts! She’d weave him a bracelet. She’d write him letters and put a nice scented oil on them.

Physical touch ohhh she’s big on touch. Even platonically we see that she’s very casual with her touches and does it a ton to most people (mostly Falin, Izutsumi and Chilchuck, but with her being a healer it also happens with Laios etc) and likes to cuddle or hang onto others, in daydream hour artworks, when sleeping with Izutsumi in an extra, etc etc. Even if she had a romantic partner I think she’d keep doing that with her friends and maybe even favoring Falin when she’s there for platonic touch, but I also def think that she’d be super touchy feely with her partner both in public and in private. As long as it doesn’t interfere with what Chil’s doing and he can remain cool and collected™️ he wouldn’t mind I think, so they’d be holding hands often and like, if he were to sit down on a couch with a beer she’d just drape herself over him and they’d chill out there (until they talk and she makes him laugh too hard and he spits his beer out all over them rip), not unlike how Izutsumi would. But YES physical touch is def a big love language for her, wether they’re arguing or just sharing a soft moment together, if he put his hand to her cheek gently she would melt into his touch. And she loves doting on others herself and touching them and feeling like they’re real and warm and alive, so yes yes touch is a big thing to her. Words of affirmation aren’t a big deal to her to give out, because it’s so natural to her, but they would mean a lot to her to receive. She can get insecure and feel lonely/alone, and having someone be supportive and tell her that she is valued like in the mandrake chapter lifts a lot of weight off of her shoulders, and I imagine that’s doubly meaningful when the words are each and all true and earned when they come from Chil. Whenever he says "I love you" unprompted it’s like an arrow to the heart. Again, if he made the effort to be romantic and like idk, tell her poetic things like it’s a love letter she would absolutely melt. "My boyfriend is the best, most romantic most loving most virtuous man" @ everyone in hearing distance etc etc. She wants to keep his words all to herself and be a little greedy but just maybe while kicking her feet she’d go "and then he said blablabla~" with friends and coworkers at the palace (who may or may nit be willing listeners lol).

So because of all of this, of how she values all of them, I think she’d cherish whichever love language her partner does the least! She likes variety, and like we’ve talked a bit she adapts herself to whoever she’s with a bit. She’s personally a big cuddler, but she’d value whenever Chilchuck says that he loves her etc more in the end because she knows how much that means for him and how many feelings were put into that gesture for her.

She wants the full range of affection, everything that someone is ready to offer. She wants the full storybook romance experience babyy, if it’s a crumb of love she’ll take it and gobble it up whichever form it takes. They all mean something to her in different ways.

Chilchuck

Chilchuck is more picky. He knows what he likes and what he doesn’t like, and he doesn’t like to compromise much (though learning to do so is part of his arc in canon). His favorites are acts of service and words of affirmation, and physical touch selectively, imo.

First of all, Chilchuck is a more private person by nature, but I think it’s also worth pointing out that he has some stress over how things ended with his wife, so someone growing on him and him getting to trust them etc also just takes slower. Wether you think Chilchuck will largely be open and comfortable once the confession’s done and they’re dating, or if him opening up and growing used to being loving and loved again is more gradual even throughout their romantic relationship, his love languages will differ depending on what "stage" he is at. For example, I think he’d actually love receiving words of affirmation, they’re just not his highest priority and he needs to highly value them and trust them first, trust that they’re not lies or that you don’t have shit judgement. For the rest of this though I’ll assume they’ve been dating for a good while and have grown used to it and are very familiar with each other. Like Marcille maybe his insecurities creep up on him sometimes, but with the power of communication and support those moments tend to be short lived 💪 She keeps him from using alcohol as a bad coping mechanism & distraction too much.

Ok so starting out with quality time… I’ll get it out of the way but yes I think they’d be sexually active, though with how they work away from each other like with his wife and he spent 4 years holding out fr her his libido isn’t as intense as we’d asssume I think, and for elves "often" might be like once a month, so who knows. This is gonna come back in the physical touch section~ But yes Chilchuck spent a lot of time away from his family, so I think if he values quality time he super values the quality more than the quantity of time spent together. That said, I also headcanon that he gets stuck in his head a bunch about it so as long as he thinks about his family to motivate him on the job for example, he also half-asses the time he spends home and he’s generally too tired to go out and do big things, just wanna relax, so idk!! He might be a bit of a neglectful lover and Marcille needs to poke him so they go out on dates, but yes I think in a similar way to Marcille he really appreciates the time just spent together, even if it’s working on their own thing in the same room. As for conversations or emotionally meaningful moments, I think emotional stuff tires him out quickly, unlike with Marcille where she seeks emotional stimulation from books, so spending time being heartfelt and vulnerable together would be appreciated, but would need to be kinda rare for him to not be exhausted dead lying on the pavement and unable to keep up. Feeling gets him tired too, he never knows wether to repress or let the love grow or how to word what he’s feeling etc etc. At least at first, dates that are activities and allows him to just have fun without thinking much are best. It’ll take him time to grow more used to feeling emotionally naked with her and for it to come more easily and naturally, but they’ll get there and they’ll be sooo domestic. So in the end! Quality time is appreciated but not particularly important, Chilchuck can really keeps the love going even when spending a loooong time away from each other or keeping the moments spent together casual. Oh yes I haven’t gone into that in any of my posts so far I think, but part of why he’s so casual and seemingly dismissive with his wife imo is because the relationship was sooo based on familiarity, respect and trust to him, they’ve been together forever, he trusted that they loved each other and were in this together and that he didn’t have to be extra for her to feel comfortable in the relationship because he trusted that she knew him well enough, trusted that she would stay with him even if their relationship wasn’t perfect, etc etc. So imo as long as he’s like "I love her and that’s enough for me, I trust that if there’s something up she’ll tell me and we can figure it out, I trust in our relationship to stay strong even if we don’t see each other much" then he can seem very casual and neglectful from an outside perspective. But make no mistake he thinks about her all the time and sighs forlornly because he wants to sleep in her arms after a hard day of work and has horny dreams of her 10/10 she matters a lot to him.

Acts of service!!! Biiig big one, there’s little more that Chilchuck values receiving than respect, though he’s much more stingy about giving it out, what with his teasing and insulting snappy remarks and how he’s always laughing at Marcille in canon. But yes like mentioned just before, Chilchuck likes familiarity in a relationship, so his partner anticipating his needs and going out of their way to do services for him would be suuper appreciated and would make him feel loved, would make him feel understood which in turn makes him feel safe that he doesn’t have to try and be someone he’s not to satisfy her and that she understands him well enough that she wouldn’t leave him due to miscommunication. Doing big favors would also be appreciated, but he prefers to live a routinely daily life imo so the acts of service would show themselves in small ways, like idk letting the water run in the bath because he knows Marcille will want to take a relaxing bath when she comes home from work. It’s definitely the love language that he does/give out the most imo, they’re the way he’s most comfortable showing that he cares and that he thinks of them and that he loves them, and he can feel safe doing them in any context wether he has all the eyes in the world on him or if they’re alone. He’s also generally protective, and looking out for her would fit into this category imo. But yes post-canon, I think one way in which this shows is that he’d do her hairdos, maybe even daily if possible. He loves blonde hair and he’s agile with his fingers, but he doesn’t value complicated hairdos much, but he’d learn a lot of hairdos for her, because he loves her and knows how it was once super important to her, and also bc he wants her to slay out there and at the same time he’s doing himself a favor by prettying it up hehe. He had a thing for undone long hair but he loves Marcille and when in the final chapters her hair was all messy the unfamiliar sight of it unsettled him, so besides just wanting her to get through the day without eating her hair and getting the urge to shave it all off, he also just does it because it feels so her and he remembers that side of her fondly (yes, even if that used to make her take even longer to get ready in the mornings).

Might surprise you might not but I think gifts are everything to him. Like the cowl from his daughter that he always wears, and all the mementos from his family we see he keeps in his room, like the dragon plush and the flower. Maybe they help him feel that the love people hold for him is real and exists/has existed at least at one point, maybe it’s about the memories, maybe it’s about being able to keep hanging onto them even after a relationship is over, idk!!!! But I think having gifts from his loved ones makes him feel like his life is fuller and warmer and like he always has some love surrounding him. For that reason he would super value gifts that Marcille would get for him. She overdoes it a bit and often gets him stuff for no particular occasions, mostly stuff that’s useful and that gets consumed so it’s not a problem or a bother though, but when it sticks it sticks, like a durable pair of gloves in a style he likes that she got for him. I don’t think photographs exist (at least not for the non-dwarves) but if they did oooh he’d be keeping stacks of them, would have some framed, he wouldn’t want people to know because he thinks he’d look corny but he wouuuuuld. He’d also have the "this reminds me of Marcille" moments when out into town, looking at jewelry or food that she likes (I imagine this is often the sort of gift/act of service he’d get for her, meals that he picked out because she loves them), but he’d also have the instinct to get her a gift on special occasions, and he’s s bit clumsy with it but he wants to make the item meaningful. He knows what she thinks is romantic, the woman has made plans for him to apologize to his wife with gifts after all, but he also knows that she loves gifts that scream "him" too so the man just doesn’t know what to do to make it as best as he could and he really doesn’t want to fuck it up. I think once he’d made a little metal sculpture-puzzle for her, like a little rabbit out of metal scraps, and he’d be so self-conscious about it but my god she’d adore it sooo much. It’d be cute if he got her a locket, even, and then with the help of imported dwarven technology they could get a picture of them or even all their friends into it and it becomes her most precious item for the following centuries. Ouuugh that’d make a sweet fic where he plans out a birthday party for her…… But yes yes, practical gifts… He knows she values ornamental useless things, unlike him, and though he doesn’t fully approve he also wants to do right by her so he’d go out of his comfort zone and find pretty gifts for her. I touch upon it a bit in my fic Grind Me Down Sweetly (named bc ground coffee beans & it’s meant to be like her slowly getting through the walls he built around himself :] Finding a newfound vulnerability with someone new but finding it soothing, sweet even if a lil bitter bc it’s coffee), and for example he gives her money for a favor she did for him as a friend. She doesn’t want to accept it, because to her doing something for her friend to help them out is more meaningful than getting rewarded for it, but for him respecting each other’s time and abilities is a big thing too. They end up compromising somewhat, because she then spends that money on gifts for him/them to share, so it ends up being a gift to the both of them for a shared effort~

Alrighty physical touch. In canon we see him get touched quite a lot, and when it isn’t patronizing or crowding (like others going to pet his head) he doesn’t seem to mind at all. But it’s a question of wether he’d enjoy it here. We don’t really saw that I think? He often doesn’t mind touching others but usually his touches have a practical purpose like pushing or pulling someone out of danger, and when it isn’t he doesn’t seem to enjoy it, like when Izutsumi sleeps in his bed. As far as I remember the only time we see him happy for touch beyond the few meaningful hugs like when he wanted the party to head back to the surface, was when his succubi were seducing him, sooo overall I get the feeling he’s not big on touch. Like being open with his feelings it’s something he’d keep for the more occasional time rather than something he does often. He is casual with touches but doesn’t give it out and seek it out naturally, so Marcille being very clingy’s not a problem, and as we see with Izutsumi always sleeping with him he’s ready to sacrifice his comfort for others too sometimes. I think being Marcille’s lover though I feel like he’d warm up to touches more, like she’d love to have him rest his head on her lap and to massage his scalp so eventually Chil looks forward to that as part of their routine and it relaxes him and feels right. I think he does like kissing, the routine goodbye peck feels warm and soothing, but with touch what he’d like the most would be making out and having sex and whatnot. Listen it’s super meaningful to him like, the peak of being vulnerable and naked and pouring out his emotions for someone for him. But yes she hangs onto his arm, holds his hand, goes to hug him from behind when he’s cooking, etc etc, and he doesn’t dislike it, but it’s not one of his love languages perse in that sense. It’s more that physical touches are a part of her, so he associates those with her, and so in a way he quite likes them, but it’s nit something he gravitates towards.

Words! I forget what I’ve mentioned already and what I haven’t oof, but yes Chilchuck values respect a lot, and with his last relationship he now values straightforward communication a lot. "If you want to leave me, at least please tell me first" style. But just with the way he is in canon too, where he hypes up his professional skills a lot, getting earned praised does mean something to him. Inversely, he devalues himself interpersonally quite a bit, calling himself a coward or selfish etc etc, and ultimately it’s Marcille telling him that he was a virtuous husband and that he may still have a shot with his wife that makes him see the glass half full and reflect on himself more positively! Remember what I said about Chilchuck first needing to value someone’s opinion before putting stock in their words? This is the canon moment that makes me feel the most like she earned that trust from him, he values what she says and her perspective. He knows her words aren’t empty and he’s able to trust in them more than he trusts his own judgement about himself. So yes yes, he loves getting told that he has qualities, that he’s skilled and manly and handsome and virtuous and kind, though he doesn’t need to be told "I love you" he’d still find it nice ofc. I say this because as I’ve said I think his way of being in a longterm relationship is soaking in the familiar casual soothing energy of it, he loves knowing her and noticing the little things (much like her with how she notices that he hates having to wait on someone for example), and he trusts her love in him, so he doesn’t feel like being told I love you is necessary, but it is a nice bonus.

And this is the bit where the post I linked at the beginning becomes especially relevant. I think Chilchuck shows his affection in subtle but thoughtful ways that showcase just how much they know each other, because to him love languages are less about proving how much love one holds for another but about defining the bond that they share, about quality more than quantity. He’s not one for big gestures, he just wants to feel connected with the person he’s with. Access intimacy, in-jokes, being protective/attack dogism, knowing the little details (Marcille’s favorite) and voluntary vulnerability… These truly ARE more in line with how Chilchuck shows his affection. And thus Marcille would see them for what they are and greatly value them as well.

Last points

… Help I forgot to talk about how teasing is like their whole thing lol

Ok so more concisely, Marcille will receive and give as much affection as she’s allowed, while Chilchuck needs to have the right setting right mood for it and makes more efforts for her sake to outwardly show it.

Edited in: Short section about pet names!! Chilchuck likes to call people by name and finds that in itself to be intimate but with half-foot names having ‘first names’ where Chilchuck’s is Chil, he might instinctively shorten it to Marci. Otherwise I’ve thought it’d fun if he gave bunny themed pet names teasingly, like his silly rabbit like the meme or harebrain rip, ‘bun’ would have the benefit of being related to food… But also I could see him defaulting to calling her ‘love’, ESPECIALLY if they had a conversation about pet names and discussed it- it could be a more sustainable way for her to feel loved since he’s not regularly showing his affection outwardly much or saying "I love you", that’d be sooo sweet I think. They discussed pet names, and since he doesn’t regularly say "I love you" or show affection all that much, having him call her love as a pet name eases all of that and makes her feel so special and loved. He takes a bit of time to get used to it and not feel silly and self-conscious, but nowadays it slips off the tongue so easily.

How do they communicate their wants for affection: Marcille will blatantly ask for it and/or make the first move herself, except for when she senses that Chil is tired and needs his space. Chilchuck will blink in morse code, and Marcille will somehow understand (to his upmost relief and adoration). He’ll grab her sleeve subtly to ask for her attention and touch, wordlessly walk up to her and reach for her face to leave a tender kiss on her lips, quietly speak to her if he wants to tell her something. And, you know, the other half of the time he feels horny and on top of the world so he indulges her wants for big passionate gestures and being very blunt and forward about it.

What do they view as signs of affection: They recognize each other’s way of showing affection well enough, but it’d be more about which signs they prefer I’d say. For example, Chilchuck does love getting smothered by her kisses and affection sometimes, but if it’s in public 99% of the time the embarrassment will win over, so it ends up meaning more to him that she doesn’t, that she holds back for his sake and she loves him enough to do that and she doesn’t blame him for it and she cares and she would stay with him even if he’s maybe flawed and- It means a lot!!! It’s like an act of service in that way. They compromise and do acts of service sooo much for each other, like she hurries in her care routine so he doesn’t have to wait on her for long, but then he sees her get out ready with her hair a mess and he takes the time to tie it up nicely for her. But yes Marcille overanalyzes everything and will seek out signs of affection into literally anything, but values whichever way to show affection she knows is hardest to do for Chil beyond the ones that feel so heartwarming because they just scream "Chil" to her. Meanwhile Chilchuck values her keeping in mind his boundaries, values her words and her being there for him, an unchanging fixture in his life offering him unconditional love through thick and thin. He values how well they know and understand each other, and how they communicate when things don’t feel as easy. Like, you know, when one of them becomes a dungeon lord and threatens humanity for example.

The compromises that being in a romantic relationship inevitably brings, and having to put some efforts to understand the other person and better the relationship, are points at the heart of Chilchuck’s plot with his wife imo. With the bicorn chapter, Marcille and Chilchuck have already hashed out a lot of their differences and come to a deeper understanding, so I’d say they’re halfway there to making it work :) Oohh what if I gave you hope in the world sometimes being a good bright p’ace where things can go right and love can be fulfilling and rewarding, and what if you gave me a concrete real example of the virtuous man figure that I’ve always idealized in books even if no one real can be as flawless, and the compromise both our outlooks on lives mixed to make made something beautiful and productive…

A bit like how the sweet & salty sandwich feels like an ill-fitting mix of ingredients but still tastes surprisingly good… Like perhaps a sweet woman and a sour man would go well together after all.

I’ll share this lil marchil song analysis @thatsmimi did once of Soap by The Oh Hellos to be the note I leave this post on~

[separatist-apologist]

i see so much praise for haunting adeline in the dark romance space, but honestly i couldn't make it past a grown 6ft+ man hiding in a woman's wardrobe so idk if it was good or not.

If you like this book, I need you to look away because oh my god how I have been WAITING for someone to ask me about it. I wasn't going to bring it up, and I'm not going to talk about it by myself, but I WILL if someone ELSE asks me to.

First of all, HA and it's sequel are QAnon fanfiction. That should be enough to give people pause but it's not CLEARLY because everyone goes on and on about how good this book is. So lets set aside the blatant, in your face unavoidable anti-semitism for just a moment to discuss all my other problems with it (And do not come here and tell me the author changed the evil bad guys name, like congrats you made your coding a little more subtle).

First of all: the writing is so atrocious that even for trash, I question how people are reading it. And my only conclusion is that people HAVE to be skimming it, which explains how so much of the plot escapes people and they miss the aforementioned problems. Like quality-wise, the book is horrible and I don't think an editor with time could really fix it.

Secondly: I genuinely feel like a lot of dark romance authors forget that dark romance still requires ROMANCE to be part of their novels. A dark haired serial killer breaking into your house and saying, "no I want you so you're mine" is actually not romance. Do people know this? I feel insane sometimes looking at "dark romance" recs because there is 0 romance to it. There is no falling in love, there is no kindness, no emotional building, just an endless stream of crimes committed against the FMC until she agrees she likes being treated badly and sex becomes the stand in for emotional intimacy

Which of course takes me to point three: the smut is SO BAD I literally LOSE IT when people are like, oh the smut is SO GOOD LMAO STOP IT. Stop it right now, I skipped ahead once I realized I was never going to get there organically and like. I feel like I might get accused of being a prude, my issue isn't what's happening, it is HOW IT IS WRITTEN. The scenes are so dry, so uninspired, trying to be shocking for the sake of shock value rather than creating something that would be interesting and sexy. Words actually matter when you're writing, do some of the authors know that?

Anyway I loathe these books more than any other fast fiction KU book. I think I could come up with more positive things to say about Zodiac Academy than I can with the Haunting Adeline series. I am it's #1 hater

[nectardaddy]

hello dodger and a very happy self ship friday to you here are my self ship questions!! i am asking a lot of them bc these prompts are so good also im curious abt suga

pre: 1,6

general: 1, 9

love: 2, 8

domestic: 2, 13

self ship asks !

get ready for a novel molly ily <333

How did they first meet?

we met in a teacher prep program in college! most education majors have all the same classes together (especially at smaller schools) so we never really had a moment away from each other. he was either the only, or one of like two, men in the entire program. he was wanted by everyone who likes men in that gd major let's be real. we got assigned to do a project together to make a unit plan :))))

What was their "flirting stage" like?

our flirting was roasting the shit out of each other. HOWEVER he would do small things like get me coffee "just because he passed it" when it was most definitely out of the way. he would always compliment me in some way and it sent me to the stratosphere every single time. his flirting was more subtle unlike mine because I would full on short circuit and stumble out a compliment or ask about his day because I was down horrendously.

Who initiated the relationship, and how did they go about it?

he did (THANK GOD). sort of forward about it too? like not full on "do you want to go on a date?' but like asking if I wanted to do something and then tagging on "like a date" at the end. I also definitely see us going on a few dates and in his head we are already together so when he calls me his partner I'm so confused and he hits me with the "omfg did I not ask you??" y e a h

Who gets jealous easier?

I answered this from honee here! god I want to EAT HIM

What are their primary love languages?

suga likes giving words of affirmation and receiving physical touch while I like giving gifts (I am a trinket connoisseur like a fucking crow) and receiving physical touch as well. while it clashes sometimes, especially with words of affirmation (I am NOT good with words) we make it work by genuinely not leaving each other tf alone and constantly touching one another. he also has a whole little shelf dedicated to all of the bullshit trinkets I give him, probably has some at school too. I eventually conjoined both my love for giving gifts and his need for words of affirmation. he probably has about 20 rocks that came with the stupid ass note of "you rock" or some euphemism "you make me rock hard" I would totally do this and that makes me want to die

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

now this may go against what I said in the last one, it makes sense in my head though hear me out. we are both teachers. during the school week about 2 hours after we get home we REFUSE to touch each other. we are both so ungodly overstimulated and the thought of being touched and cuddled makes us both want to crawl in our own skin. those times are for verbal affection. anytime after those 2 hours it is most definitely physical affection (ig this counts as verbal affection as well) but I have moments where I self deprecate and I most definitely see him just yelling at the top of his lungs "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT IM GOING TO THROW SOMETHING AT YOU YOU'RE PERFECT SHUT YOUR MOUTH" also the man to hold my hand and physically move me so he's on the side of the sidewalk that's closest to the street

If they get married, who proposes, and how do they do it? Would they change their surnames?

suga better fucking propose bc I sure as hell am NOT doing it lmao. that would make me throw up from anxiety, I think I would genuinely have a stroke if I even for a second thought I had to propose we definitly have a conversation about it before hand though, so he 10000000% knows if he proposes to me in public I'm punching him right in his fucking nose. bc THAT would make me so gd anxious I'd probably throw up before I said yes. but him, being himself, he would make it the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen and wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut about it. he is also a gentleman and tells my stubborn ass to get my nails done before (I am terrible at this I let them grow out for so long) and I would hyphen my name (like it is now yayyyy) bc I'll be damned if I take a MANS name just to change my own. no shade to those that want to do that or have done that, it just doesn't sit right with me. so it would be (my last name) - sugawara. it would be long as hell and a hassle to anyone at the dmv but we ball

Do they have any "couple traditions", or family traditions?

THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE!!! RAHHHHH IM YAPPING (also includes sexual themes** OOPS SORRY LMAO) so I celebrate pagan holidays (samhain, yule, solstices, etc...) he is wholeheartedly HERE FOR IT! the one that pops to my head immediately (and all practices are different this is just how I do mine) the 12 days leading up to yule (dec 21) you make wishes and burn them randomly each day, the wish you didn't burn on the 21 is the wish that YOU work on (all the rest will happen organically). he does this with me <3333 he makes his own wishes and everything!!! he gets really into it and tries to guess the wish I didn't burn before I tell him <33 **I also had the thought about celebrating ostara (spring equinox) and this may just be too foul for main BUT it's basically celebrating new growth, the start of spring, and....fertility. this man will wholeheartedly ask, EVERY YEAR, "should we fuck on ostara to really LOCK IN the vibes?" yeah...y e a h but a tradition that isn't apart of a holiday is just going on a date every weekend. we force ourselves to do SOMETHING on the weekend to combat stress from school. whether that's staying in and doing something or physically going on, we have to do something and it's written in stone at this point

[jimmycarterghostland]

I finished reading Shell 4.11 of Worm. I have no criticisms for this chapter, just praise. This novel is amazing.

Taylor, do not snitch on the Undersiders. These guys have been through so much with her. And they took care of her throughout this chapter. If I were her, I wouldn't have it in me to betray these kids. I would love them too much. Especially since the Undersiders are the only friends Taylor has. I think Tattletale is technically her best friend.

The Undersiders are villains, sure, but they're not those absolutely diabolical villains. They're not mass murderers or anything. If I had the opportunity to get the Undersiders arrested, and decided not to, I would choose not to and I wouldn't feel guilty about it.

Also, the bugs constantly going to Taylor while she was unconscious and hurt was like some children protecting their ill mother or something. At the same time, I know these bugs don't give a crap about Taylor, and they're being forced to do what she wants. I don't even think bugs can feel affection or love.

Anyway, Worm is addicting. I feel like a fool for being bored a few chapters ago, and I couldn't take Bakuda seriously as a villain. I don't feel that way anymore. I'm having fun reading Worm, and Bakuda is one dangerous villain.

This chapter was written so well. Wildbow did a good job at writing from the point of view of someone who isn't all the way there, drugged up. I like how Taylor couldn't recognize people's voices at first. It was funny when she realized Brian and Tattletale were talking to her dad. She was like:

Taylor said something along the lines of that realization woke her up instantly. Lmao.

This was a very wholesome chapter. I know the situation is screwed up. After all, this chapter was about a teenage girl pretending to be a villain while hanging out with real villains, who gets wounded by an even worse villain, and then the real villains she's been hanging out with are the only ones helping her, and then they take her to her dad, who gets lied to. All that is happening while the even worse villain blows up various parts of the city.

Thrilling stuff.

Where tf was Bitch during all of that mess? She is the worst teammate ever. Taylor, Brian, Tattletale, and Regent were fighting for their lives, with Brian and Tattletale eventually helping Taylor. And Bitch was nowhere to be found. She isn't wowing me at all. I have zero reason to like her right now.

Also, in one of these recent chapters, I can't remember which, Taylor referred to Brian as her friend and her ally(or was it teammate?). Anyway, that stuck out to me. It feels like Taylor sees herself as an official part of their group, but it's subtle. And I'm not sure if she still plans on ratting the Undersiders out. I hope she doesn't. If she does, what will she even do afterward? Taylor has no friends. If she gets the Undersiders arrested, the only person she will have will be her dad. And the girl is in desperate need of a support system, especially since she gets remorselessly bullied at school. Without a support system in your life, it would be easy to do something awful to yourself. Taylor needs the Undersiders.

Unlike all of the other books I've read that feature teams, Worm actually has a team that feels like one. I love the Undersiders as a group. They feel so real, both individually and as a team.

Not every person gets along with a person who are on the same team as they are. Some books with teams tend to create conflict between teammates that feels forced, for the sake of drama. With Worm, though, I don't get that feeling. Conflict between the Undersiders, mainly between Taylor and Bitch, happens because Bitch is the way that she is. She doesn't have an out of character moment that creates cheap, unrealistic conflict between her and Taylor.

My former favorite book series, Lorien Legacies, was awful. And it had characters being OOC for the sake of drama. In The Rise of Nine, Nine is revealed to hate bullies. Then he remorselessly bullies Five in the next book, for no reason. And Nine's bullying of Five gets a beloved character killed. It was ridiculous. There were other awful OOC moments in the series as well.

There is so much bad literature out there, but the good thing is that Worm is a piece of great fiction that makes up for the fact that bad books exist.

Worm's characters are consistent, and their consistency makes them feel real. There's no jarring out of character moments. Wildbow knows what he's doing.

Moving on.

This chapter was amazing. My love for Worm has grown stronger. I'm even more engrossed in this novel. I tend to see badly written novels that are definitely overrated, but Worm actually deserves the high rating that it has. I'm glad it exists. This is what good writing looks like.

Honestly, I don't even know what my favorite novel is anymore. But it might end up being Worm by the time I finish it.

I'm not going to add any more. I don't want this post to get too long. I have two more chapters to read today(I read 3 chapters per day of Worm daily), and I'm really loving this thing.

[silviakundera]

The Spirealm episode 5 reaction

Using the new 38 episode configuration.

(this is a spoiler zone - I read the novel and will reference it, with full book storyline spoilers)

The creepy daughters birthday party! Wheeee I enjoyed this door in the novel.

Have they eliminated the option of winning automatically by being the lone survivor? I feel like that rule was revealed by this point in the novel. I hope it's not gone because it provided more justification for other players to have secret agendas and the risk of being manipulated as part of someone else's long game. One thing the novel did well was set up paranoia & subterfuge as being the only smart response to navigating through the cases. (Also the rule that the monster will only eat so many at a time before getting full, so you can trick others into being sacrifices to increase your personal odds... and then how that common strategy backfires on a case at the very end!)

Both in the novel and the drama I am amused by how obviously the contrast is between Ruan Nanzhu's treatment of his pretty actress client and Lin Quishi. From dodging rooming with her to jerking away from her attempts to get close, while constantly being approachable & touchy towards LQ. Especially funny because that poor girl is just terrified & wants guidence. (omgggg all her sleeping on the floor scenes from the novel 😭😂 )

The chemistry is chemistrying.

If I'm being honest, the romance plotline is working for me so far in a way that the novel wasn't quite hitting at this juncture. It's just personal taste on these things, but so far I prefer drama!Ruan Nanzhu's subtle flirtations and angling to increase intimacy... and I do think a lot of it is in both actors' performances. I feel a wry warmth from Lin Quishi, like he's secretly quietly delighted to be singled out for this attention and though he doesn't know what to do with it, and keeps soft-probing on why it's happening to him, why him? ...he doesn't want it to stop. And through the drama's more omniscient POV, we witness a bit more vulnerability and affection from Ruan Nanzhu when in the novel you had to read between the lines within what Lin Quishi was experiencing.

The Lin Quishi foolproof ghost defeating action plan of 🙈🙉🙊 strikes again.

Then Ruan Nanzhu pop up in an appropriately romance ML move to block LQ from being smacked around by a fail player. [see gif set]

"I told you not to be a good man. Come back with me."

Still love the display of how crafty RN is, to not only identity the importance of the triplets name but also set up a trick to name them.

Looking forward to him outsmarting the agents from X.

LMAO the comparision shot of Tan Zaozao anxiously sitting hunched over her clutched egg vs chill Ruan Nanzhu leaning vs Lan Quishi casually tossing & catching his.

Exhibit A: Alone with room to themselves: sit on the bed side by side, why lean or walk & talk

Exhibit B:

The way the tone is completely different whenever these 2 can section themselves off alone or to the side, HELLO THERE 👁👄👁

Anyway, we end on suspense! Trapped in a room and dependant on their hapless client. then a taboo crack in the egg! *gasp*

Next Episode

[mostlikelytofangirl]

(Long ass ask whoops)

I'm thinking about MY as LQR's son. I'm not sure how it happened (Maybe Lao Nie or WRH dragged him to a brothel before things went downhill, maybe LQR didn't always have a stick up his ass, he's a Lan but he's still a second son) anyway, so on.

I think it would be interesting to watch as things develop because LQR probably wouldn't want others to know he's visited a brothel at some point (even though lying is forbidden but LQR breaks a bunch of rules in the novel anyway), so he wouldn't name MY Lan even if he treats him as part of the main family (like the WWX and JFM situation)

You know xiyao first meet? It's pretty damn obvious LXC fell for him at first sight and the thing is he would here too. Because he doesn't know they're related! I think it's funny that MY has to constantly dodge his (very subtle admittedly) attemps at flirting because they're cousins and he can't say anything because LQR doesn't want him to.

And this would give MY an entirely different breed of daddy issues! LQR is fundamentally good but he's not exactly loving, and MY has to go above and beyond to get the tiniest bit of praise from him. Kinda like having an openly POS parent (aka JGS) and being at peace with that/ not having lots of expectations vs living with someone who you know loves you but is at the same time very strict and has very high expectations so you want their approval because you know you can get it if you just try hard enough.

And then SMS comes in! He has his reservations regarding MY at first (because we know cql SMS was loyal to LXC before it all went to hell), (LXC just cant appreciate undying obsessive devotion smh) and maybe sees him as a threath, but then MY is genuinely nice to him and remembers him, acknowledges him in a way neither the twin jades nor LQR ever did, and even praises him for his hard work, so SMS is absolutely hooked

And they fall in love! MY is kinda afraid to ask LQR for his blessing but by the time he does the wangxian stuff already happened (and maybe nielan shenanigans, I firmly believe LQR would disaprove of NMJ bc of the violence of the Nie cultivation and the utilisation of resentful energy that comes with it) and he's just relieved his son isn't in love with a war criminal or a violent brute (as he percieves NMJ)

And then MY becomes Lan Yao (and gets a courtesy name, thinking shuài 帅 as in handsome/graceful/smart and ráo 饶 because it has connotations of abundance and forgiveness/mercy, two things the Lan sect values, so Lán Shuàiráo 蓝帅饶)

LXC utterly horrified at having fallen for his cousin lmao

And then there's the part of canon where we know SMS walked out of the Lan sect by his own foot! And I think we can assume it was out of shame, so like, JGY defending him! The Lans scorning him for attemping to sacrifice Mianmian, but JGY, who feels secure within the Lan sect, and who values his life above nearly anything, would go "No, no, you were afraid and under threath of death, I'd do that too" and convinces SMS to stay, while shutting down everything throw SMS's way

Cue SMS thriving and happy as (maybe) Lan-furen serving JGY in every way like the loyal dog he is (as in canon)

Yeah.

AAAHHHHHH I LOVE THIS!!

I've seen a couple fics/scenarios in which MY was born into or made part of the Nie and the Jiang, but idk if I've come across him being part of the Lan. I vibe with the idea of him being the child of LQR (and a product of one of the man's wildest and probably most regretable decisions lol).

It's interesting that it would lead him to have a whole new brand of daddy issues, a milder kind too since he's not at risk of getting thrown out at the smallest mistake and that at least he knows that his father's praise IS obtainable, if not easily. In any case, he would keep his nuanced mentality at still not being fully honored as a true son of the Lan and all, but not his extreme survivor mentality that often led him to tolerate abuse.

Lol it's ironic tho how he just can't escape the incest XD

But I love him and SMS getting together!! In a place like the Lan sect, they truly would be different in their approach to the whole righteous rules thing, and they would find companionship and kinship in each other, eventually turning into love. Especially in how JGY would be the only reason why SMS would stay there.

[lizbethborden]

Wait... I've been following you for a whole ass while and i just found out now that your url isn't a supercorp reference? Supercorp is basically ubiquitous on lesbian tumblr. Lmao what Danvers is it referencing?

Mrs. Danvers is a character in Daphne du Maurier's Rebecca, which was adapted into an Oscar-winning 1940 film directed by Alfred Hitchcock. It's a Gothic psychological horror about a young unnamed female narrator who enters a whirlwind marriage with Maxim de Winter, a widowed aristocrat, who brings her to his family home, Manderley. Mrs. Danvers is the housekeeper there. She is obsessed with the memory of de Winter's dead first wife, Rebecca, and torments the narrator with Rebecca's memory in ways alternately subtle and overt. The Danvers character in the original novel is geriatric and was Rebecca's childhood nurse, but in the 1940 film, she is young enough that her obsession reframes their relationship as homoerotic rather than maternal.

Judith Anderson's Danvers is considered one of the icons of gay-coded cinema. Check out 5:28 in the video above for one of the most famous scenes, where Danvers shows the narrator Rebecca's bedroom, clothes, and lingerie. The film and character were included in the groundbreaking documentary The Celluloid Closet. IMO (and I probably got this from some criticism I read, I don't claim this as an original idea) Danvers is the archetypal image of the psychoanalytic lesbian, which is lesbian-as-neurotic, lesbian in arrested development.

The 2020 remake of Rebecca pushes harder on the homoerotic implications of Danvers' character, also, for some reason, styling Danvers as a kind of red-lipstick pseudogoth business mommydomme. For a long while, I had pics of Lily James as the narrator and Kristin Scott Thomas as Danvers as my pfp and mobile banner. Here is the parallel room-viewing scene from the 2020 film:

Other scenes also push the predatory lesbian image, in parallel to the 1940 film, such as in the scene where Danvers tries to drive the narrator to suicide, urging her to jump out of the window and leave Maxim alone with his memories of the superior Rebecca.

At the end of the 2020 version of the film, Danvers explicitly names her relationship with Rebecca: "He killed the only person I loved... I can't let you have Manderley. It was ours, you see." Danvers then kills herself, this being the heterosexual's ideal conclusion to the tale of the psycho dyke. (She does not commit suicide in the book or 1940 film, btw. Which is funny because you'd really think stuff from the 1940s would be more, not less, homophobic!)

She is also my poor little meow meow, so there's that :)

[calciumcryptid]

Ever since you made that headcanon about Heatwave basing his next romance heroine off of Roxy, I haven't known peace /pos. Imagine Roxy telling Irina and Lisa about the heroine of the new Rebecca Silver novel and how she's just like her for real meanwhile Lisa and Irina are looking like 👁👁👀

You know the title isn't even subtle either. It's probably something like "His Heavy Metal Lover" and the lady on the cover looks almost exactly like Roxy.

Mick Rory being a romance writer under the penname Rebecca Silver is the best thing that came out of the CW.

The idea of Mick being so unsubtle, but Roxy not having the similarities click is so funny to me. Roxy could be reading the new book out in the open of the Rogues hideout, and Mick no so subtly going "What do you think?" and Roxy will gush about it to his face.

Meanwhile, all the other Rogues are staring at the cover where totally-not-Roxy is in a suggestive embrace of totally-not-Mick.

Lmao, do you think Bivolo makes Mick's covers?

[kodev]

Thoughts about sorawo and toriko?

oh my god so many. keep in mind i havent reread the novels in maybe a year now so i might be off with some of the stuff im about to say...

i have many thoughts on sorawo and toriko SEPARATELY But from the phrasin of this and also assumin u meant like them romantically iwill sally forth. bonus drawing if u make it all the way thru this word vomit

i think the main reason i love the main pairing together is because of the slow burn and also because i think they are (slowly) growing together and enabling each other to become better versions of themselves. and they both (while stumbling and not through perfect efforts) try to leave each other space and push each other to recover from their respective traumas. its all very sweet and very human. sorawo's side is more obvious: i think meeting toriko has allowed sorawo to feel like she has more self control over her life, and also (slowly) i think befriending toriko means for sorawo, shes slowly opening her heart for other people in her life. esp with the series opening the way that it does with sorawo going "nobody would miss me if i died. except the debt collectors" and then toriko entering and not leaving her alone which then starts a whole domino cascade of events that end up with sorawo being surrounded with people who do love and care for her. aueugsdhfshfrg (emotional). on a side note i like how miyazawa gives sorawo agency in her growth---i think too often a character who is traumatized gets sort of shuttled in to a specific road of recovery, and if they display behaviors or opinions that appear antithetical to their recovery, i feel like they get infantilized like oh you dont know your own mind and stuff. but with sorawo miyazawa lets her take things at her own pace, set her own boundaries, and have like idk emotions seen as more "flawed" than usual. i enjoy it it also feels very human and compassionate of the story

toriko is a whole other story. i think her growth is a lot more subtle since we dont see a lot of her pov and we have to infer what is happening from sorawo's erm... unreliable narration at times. with toriko i think at first she reaches out to sorawo for the same reason sorawo is drawn to her---they're both very lonely and isolated people. over time however, i think toriko (esp in vol 8) has shown a lot of growth as she is now able to take sorawo's apparent rejections less personally if that makes sense? like she's gained the self confidence to stand on her own two feet which is a change from the start of the series where she was depending on different people (satsuki then sorawo) to make herself feel more complete. idk if that makes sense and i might be completely off on that mark lmao again i havent read the novels in a hot sec. i think sorawo's part in this is sorawo treats toriko as an equal for the most part, which is something she didnt probably get with satsuki. i imagine this allowed toriko to feel more loved, but also allowed her to do a lot more self reflectiona nd growth. love her to bits sorry if any of this is wrong also i feel like im forgetting things

tldr i love stories where traumatized characters meet each other by chance and then become best friends (accomplices) and then fall for each other while becoming better versions of themselves in the meanwhile. and soratori is really good at exploring the dynamics of this <3 yay

heres buff toriko i was drawing for fun. i have myreasons for this but #1 reason is that the world is made out of pudding