#this movie is exceedingly stupid

[nelson-riddle-me-this]

Bathing Beauty (1944) playlist

"You've got to connect me! She's my husband! I mean, I'm her wife!"

[death-and-his-maiden]

I made more earrings because I have completely normal feelings for this movie and this wolf

[tiktaalic]

Hi guys. I have opinions on the medium of fanfiction. Would you like to hear them? Okay ^_^ yay ^_^

I think the whole oh so you think people should be CENSORED? Kneejerk reaction is wuiteeeee silly when like. In my opinion it’s an exceedingly normal opinion to see a fan fiction tackle Sensitive Subjects with all the aplomb of a high school freshman. And go. Well I don’t think this is good. Things can be done well but often they’re not. Due to the nature of the beast + numbers game. And me personally if I want to read something nuanced on heavy topics I don’t go. I know. I should look at ao3 first. I go. Probably I will stick to published awarded authors. Ive read books that have handled abuse and assault etc etc badly and I also think they’re stupid. Just like I think overwrought fanfiction is stupid. But I would never say this ON someone’s fanfiction because I too was once 14 years old writing insensitively about painful topics. And I believe the best in everyone so I assume every bad fanfiction is written by a 14 year old and I would never dim their sparkle. There’s another prong to this which is that conversations about Everything are so heavily identity focused - I don’t like this book but it’s by a queer author who is clearly working through something, I don’t like this movie but the writer has talked extensively about how it was shaped by her experience of sexual assault, etc. n I do think the solution is to uncouple morality from taste. Possible to hold the simultaneous truths of “I think this thing is stupid and bad and weird” with “it clearly helped someone to write what is essentially a public diary entry, and it helped other people to read it” and “fanfiction as a whole does not move the meter on good/evil in the world even a little bit”.

[adeladeparade]

Honestly I thought Twisters was a fun movie and it was a little cringy at parts but who cares. I liked the way it handled Kate's trauma and the romantic subplot (in that it didn't annoy me, which is exceedingly rare for romantic subplots)

And genuinely I absolutely fucking loved that Daisy Edgar Jones got to do the big stupid courageous utterly idiotic but superbly heroic move that saves the day at the end cos that shit is usually reserved for men. Not kidding I actually fucking loved that so fucking much.

[reds1981]

seeing fire walk with me for the first time in a theatre was so special and overwhelming. But at the same time it was full of twin peaks fans in costumes and hosted by an exceedingly stupid-sounding man centric podcast. They made such a stink beforehand that it was so complicated and hard to follow and “non-linear” (fwwm is actually rather straight forward in terms of plot b w/e). the emotional truth is so piercing from the very start - and having never really seen the series before I understood what bob was immediately. Anyway it just felt bad that people were laughing or acting as if they were above it because they were so knowledgeable or so smart. Laura is such a real person in that movie and suffering through something extremely real and horribly common for lots of people especially women. There’s no in joke about it

[blackkatmagic]

I honestly like the way the Jedi Quest books show characters, flaws and all, and set up a great character-driven basis for what unfolds in the movies, but like. For all that i respect Jude Watson's character work, and for all that I acknowledge that these books are meant for kids, they're also so utterly frustrating sometimes.

Like! Here is this character who is literally introduced as someone who's exceedingly good with engineering/machines/constructing and repairing things. It's the entire basis of his and Anakin's friendship at first. And then three books later he's a complete idiot who can't even build a lightsaber, which people far less mechanically inclined manage on-screen, and he needs other people to do basic repairs on it for him, just so that wonky lightsaber can later be a plot point. It's just nonsensical. It's stupid.

I get that it's for kids, but if you have to retcon an entire character to get your plot to work, idk, maybe it's a bad plot, no matter what age group it's aimed at.

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 2

Episode 15: Ox Pox

There was never a dull day in the Man Cave, there was always something happening or people rushing around the place and that day was no different. It was safe to say that Schwoz had screwed up big time snd like always, his mistake was drastically affecting those around him.

"Oh God, oh God, Schwoz. One of these days, I'm actually going to put your head down the toilet and flush." (y/n) growled as she and Ray frantically ran down the sprocket corridor so they could access the supercomputer. 

They had been relaxing before Schwoz had come running to them, screaming about some dangerous cookies that he had stupidly given to Henry. 

Then, he had rambled something about certain death and that's when the couple leapt off Ray's bed (watching movies and snuggling together is definitely what friends do) and were now skidding toward the hologram caller.

"Come on, kid, pick up, pick up." Ray tapped his foot impatiently once he had selected his sidekick and the number began to dial. (y/n) was no better, she was chewing her lip and nervously twiddling her thumbs as the ominous beeping of the dialling tone lasted for what felt like a lifetime. 

Henry did pick up eventually though and his little floating body gave the couple an annoyed look as they interrupted his lethal cookie time. Some people are never grateful.

"Henry!" Ray greeted him in an exceedingly alarmed voice, but Henry hung up on them before they could say anything else. Piper had come down the stairs and he couldn't risk her seeing his out-of-this-world technology.

"Hey, where'd he go?" Ray frowned as the hologram disappeared. They had extremely important information for the boy and now he was gone. Typical.

"The little shit hung upon us." (y/n) rolled her eyes and folded her arms as she waited for Henry to reconnect. She could guess that someone walked in on the call and knew that the kid would waste no time on getting back to them. Just a couple more minutes...

"Hey." Thankfully, he came back pretty quickly and the adults wasted no time in getting straight to the point. They couldn't go slow with the introductions and crap, Henry needed to know that he and probably his family were in grave danger. Stupid Schwoz and his dodgy recipes.

"Oh, Henry, thank god I got you, now tell me, did you eat one of the cookies Schwoz made?"Ray questioned at a million miles per hour. It didn't really sound like a sentence, more like one big, long word falling out of his mouth.

"Okay, this is what you just sounded like, ahggrheeegurrattterbanatututt." Henry joked, not seeing the gravity of the situation he was in. His lightheartedness made the adults go purse-lipped in mild irritation, so Ray sighed to keep his temper under control.

"Sorry, I'll talk slower. Do you want to die?" He asked, much more slowly, focusing on enunciating each syllable clearly. He didn't have the patience to beat around the bush when lives were at stake.

"No," Henry replied. Obviously, he didn't want to die. He had so much left to live for.

"Well, did you eat one of the cookies that Schwoz made?" (y/n) butted in urgently, praying that Henry hadn't gone anywhere near the baked goods. In fact, it would be preferable for him to throw them into a volcano just so no one could eat them.

"Well, not yet, but I was about to," Henry told them, thinking about how he'd been trying to eat one damn cookie all day with his glass of milk. 

"No, don't!" Ray begged him, dreading the consequences that the cookies would bring. He couldn't bear the thought of seeing his sidekick getting sick and dying.

"Schwoz accidentally put commodium assitate in the batter! Those cookies are bad news!" (y/n) explained, leaning back into Ray's body so his body warmth would settle her nerves. He was wearing a particularly tight t-shirt that day and she loved it; it showed off those beefy arms of his and a tiny peek of his chest. It was like he was teasing her, all she wanted to do was press a kiss against that piece of skin. 

"Okay, okay, what is commodium assitate?" Henry asked. In all of his science classes, he had never heard of that chemical, but from their panicked faces, he guessed it wasn't good.

"It's a dangerous chemical that should not be put in cookie batter, so go get that damn cookie and destroy it before anyone eats it!" The young woman explained quickly. Any substance that was kept by Schwoz carried a health hazard warning, making the cookie unbelievably risky to have in a suburban house.

"Okay!" Henry complied, sensing that it probably wasn't a good idea to have left the cookie unguarded on his kitchen table. 

Closing his whiz watch and running inside, Henry freaked out when he saw Piper popping the last piece of cookie into her mouth. She licked her lips at the scrumptious taste, causing her brother to run over in terror and grab her the waist.

"Not the cookie! No, no, no, no, no, no! I gotta get it out of you!" He yelled at his sister so he started to give her the Heimlich manoeuvre, badly. Piper grunted in pain as Henry's sharp movements made her chest ache, why couldn't she just eat the cookie in peace?

"What are you doing? Ow, ow, ow!" She squealed as she was lifted and shaken around. It was useless though, Piper wasn't choking and picking her up wouldn't make her vomit, so Henry just dropped her on the floor when his arms began to feel numb and tired.

"I eat one stupid cookie and you have a waz-attack!" She screamed at her brother, feeling dizzy and lightheaded from the assault.

"I-uh-I—I..." Henry stuttered as he thought of something to say. He didn't want to tell his little sister that she'd eaten a cookie laced with a toxic chemical. She'd probably pass out or scream the house down. However, Piper didn't see his attempt to be kind and she gave him a sharp kick on the shin, causing the boy to collapse onto the kitchen island as she ran off to her room. You try to do a nice thing and it just gets thrown back in your face. 

~In the Man Cave~

Everyone was waiting for Henry's arrival in the Man Cave. Ray, Schwoz, (y/n) and Charlotte were pacing around the room anxiously, they had received news about Piper scoffing the cookie and now they were trying to be brave as they waited for her brother to come. The young woman gave her best friend a worried look as she neared him, so he intertwined their fingers and squeezed her hand to show her that he was there for her. How were they supposed to tell Henry that his little sister might die?

"How could you give Henry a cookie contaminated with commodium assitate?" Ray scowled at Schwoz. Even with his sweet girl next to him, the situation was stressing him out. And her stress added to his stress, so overall, he was on edge and it showed.

"Yeah, why did you even have it in the kitchen?" (y/n) asked, her hand leaving Ray's so she could dramatically throw her arms up in the air. She was pissed off with Schwoz and the recent few months of non-stop near-death experiences had been getting to her. Coupled with her growing frustration towards her romantic feelings for her beloved Ray, everything was mixing into one big ball of strain and worry for her.

"I'm sorry, it looks exactly like sugar and I don't know why I keep it in the kitchen...next to the sugar." Schwoz whimpered in a strained voice. For an eccentric genius, he really was stupid sometimes. His poor organisation could only lead to disaster and now everyone was knee-deep in crap because of it.

"Well, where'd you get that idea? PoorJudgement.gov?" Ray asked sarcastically. His life was never easy and when Schwoz was around it got even worse.

"Hey! Henry's on his way down." Charlotte announced as she pulled out her phone. It was time to see if they had an imminent death on their hands.

"Okay, let's not freak Henry out even more than he is. Just act normal and happy and natural, 'kay?" (y/n) smiled at her friends. She didn't want Henry coming down and seeing his friends panicking and throwing fits of hysterics, that would just make shit worse. If they kept their cool, he would suspect how worried they really were.

"Right, okay." Her friends agreed and they all turned to the elevator with bright smiles, just as Henry stepped through the door. 

"Hey, I'm here." He said breathily as he approached them. One of these days he'd be able to come into work when the fate of the world or death and disease wasn't hanging in the balance.

"Hi..." "Hey..." The four greeted him in unsure voices, sounding anything but normal, happy and natural. The only natural thing he could see was Ray standing there with his arm around (y/n), the young woman arching into his body as they stood together. Ugh, they always did the gross, touchy stiff when he was there. Henry would give up his left kidney if it meant either one of them said something about how they felt, then maybe they wouldn't prance about the place pining for each other's touch every ten seconds.

"How are ya, Hen?" Charlotte asked, feeling her stomach flutter with butterflies and her nervousness showed in her voice. 

"What goes on?" Ray added, hoping that he didn't sound nearly as worried as she did.

"How's it happening?" (y/n) smiled too and their similar questions told Henry that something was wrong. Why else would they all be stood in the same place, grinning at him like they were possessed?

"Your sister isn't going to die," Schwoz said in a morbidly cheerful voice. Well, there went their normal and tender attempts to be comforting. 

"What?" Henry gasped as he heard the news. Piper? Die? What the hell was in that cookie?!

"Schwoz!" "Schwoz!" Ray and (y/n) growled at the short man. He was so insensitive sometimes, it was like he was deliberately ignoring their instructions to be nice and just being malicious on purpose. It really rubbed (y/n) the wrong way.

"You said everything was okay!" Schwoz whined. He didn't think he spoke out of turn, he thought that Ray wanted him to be honest and open.

"Then why talk about dying?" Charlotte stressed, reading the exact question in (y/n)'s mind. Honestly, he didn't think sometimes, he just said what came to mind.

"I said she won't." He argued, thinking that the negative made everything better. But it didn't.

"Well, we don't know that, do we?!" Ray hissed back, not seeing how Henry's face fell at the news. They were supposed to be making him feel better, but now he felt wretched.

"Guys! Henry is in the room!" (y/n) whispered harshly, smacking Ray and Schwoz on the arms for being so heartless. They weren't giving Henry's feelings a second thought and it irritated her beyond belief.

"Oh my god! Is my sister gonna—" Henrys worry was cut off as his phone began to ring in his pocket and he groaned when he saw it was Jasper wanting to video chat. If this was about his stupid hide and seek game, he'd kill him.

"Where are you going?" Schwoz asked the boy as they watched him back up into the elevator.

"To the elevator, I can't let him see me in the Man Cave." He explained. Smart kid; anyone else would have answered the call and be left in shtuck when their friend freaked out at their location, but not Henry. He was always so careful and that made him the perfect sidekick.

"Schwoz, if you don't get every remotely dangerous chemical out of our kitchen, I'm going to skin you alive." (y/n) turned to the small man as they waited for Henry to finish his call. She might as well fill the time with a few threats so she could get her point across. She couldn't bake cupcakes and brownies for Ray if the entire place was chock full of poisons and radioactive goop. Of course, the goop and gunge wouldn't affect her, a rogue incident with a dodgy crème brûlée had proven that her super-healing stomach could handle any infection or poison lickety-split. Still, it made her cautious to cook in there knowing that the sugar could be commodium assitate or the milk could be hydrochloric acid.

"But I do my experiments in there!" He whined, seeing the kitchen as his second laboratory. He was always cooking up weird shit in there and he didn't want to stop. He just wanted to create and bake and form new monsters or reactions with just his mind and some simple ingredients.

"Schwoz, do as she says," Ray warned him, raising his eyebrows at the little guy as he whinged. (y/n) smirked as she won the battle, knowing that with the boss on her side, she had a crucial advantage. Schwoz stuck his tongue out at Ray as he sulked and he made Charlotte giggle when he made kissy faces towards the young woman when she wasn't looking. The sight of Ray losing his stern demeanour was hilarious and the two knew it was all too easy to tease him about his love for her.

"Guys, come look at this," Charlotte said to them as she scrolled on the computer. Whilst they had been arguing, she had been busy looking up what was gonna happen to Piper after eating the commodium assitate. They all crowded around the computer as she let Schwoz take over, just as Henry came back into the room from his stupid call with Jasper. The boy was fourteen and he wanted to play hide and seek; he desperately needed a girlfriend.

"All right, Schwoz, what's gonna happen to my sister?" The boy asked as he briskly jogged over to the group. (y/n) bit her lip as she scanned over the information on the screen. Poor Piper, even if she was a brat sometimes, she didn't deserve this.

"This." Schwoz pointed to the monitor and a disgusting painting of an aristocratic woman came on the screen. It was clearly from a few hundred years ago, but that didn't make the sight of her pox-covered, crusty face look any better.

"I think I'm gonna puke." (y/n) grimaced as she studied the pustules in the painting. She was normally okay with gross wounds and gore, but this was pretty vile and her stomach felt a bit funny.

"Oh, whoa, whoa, what is wrong with that lady?" Henry asked Schwoz as everyone recoiled. Ray put his hands on (y/n)'s shoulders as he stood over her and she practically purred when he massaged the tension in her muscles away. His touch made her putty in his hands and the way she bit her tongue to stop herself from moaning almost drew blood.

"She has...eh." Schwoz pulled up a paragraph of information that detailed some weird, ancient disease that Piper was surely infected with.

"Ox Pox." Ray read out, still rubbing his girl's shoulders. He didn't notice the way she was smiling in bliss or how she was going weak at the knees as she melted into him.

"Okay, what is Ox Pox?" Henry asked. He'd heard of influenza, tuberculosis and loads of other illnesses, but this one was new to him.

"Ox Pow was kinda like a chickenpox or measles, only way worse and it's caused by eating commodium assitate," Schwoz explained solemnly, although the tone was lost on the young woman behind him, who was still burning up from the hot man behind her. She was certain that he would be the death of her, no one else had ever set her alight as quickly as he could.

"But I thought no one's had Ox Pox for hundreds of years." Charlotte frowned. Being the clever clogs she was, she had vaguely heard of it, but it was a disease of the past, meaning almost no one knew about it.

"Yeah, until Schwoz's diseased cookie gave it to my sister," Henry grumbled, his heart hurting at the thought of losing his sister. She was mean and annoying, but she was his baby sister and he'd be heartbroken if he lost her. Seeing how upset he was, Ray left his trembling sweet girl at the computer and strolled over to his sidekick to offer him so words of comfort.

"Hey, I'm sorry for your loss." He gave a sympathetic smile and clapped Henry on the back, but the boy just looked confused.

"What? Ray, are you okay?" (y/n) frowned, snapping out of her daze as he moved away from her. Without his warmth, the fire inside her died down and she was left with her usual low simmer that continually burned as her love for him stayed bright.

"Piper...she was a sweet little girl." Ray eulogised, trying to be tender for his sidekick.

"Okay, first, no, she wasn't." Henry corrected. Piper was horrible to everyone, well, most people. She had a few favourites.

"She had her moments." (y/n) defended the girl. She was one of those people and had bonded with Piper over popcorn, Captain Man and a good movie. After that, Piper was surprisingly nice to her.

"Can we stop talking about my sister in the past tense?!" Henry snapped, getting a little teary-eyed. It sounded like Piper had actually died and that was upsetting for him.

"What's the cure for Ox Pox?" The boy gazed intensely into Schwoz's eyes and demanded an answer. There was no alternative, he was going to save Piper and all her meanness even if it killed him. Whilst all of this had been happening, Charlotte had wandered over to the PearPad on the opposite side of the room and she'd conducted some research of her own. She liked to work at her own pace and getting answers was her thing.

"Here. It says in the 16 and 17oos, doctors used to cure Ox Pox by making a special medicine from the feathers of a bird known as "the chickowillow"." Charlotte read out, finding the same information that Schwoz was eager to impart.

"Wait. The chickowillow has been extinct for three hundred years." (y/n) said, frowning at how, for them, it would be impossible to find a specimen with the feathers they need.

"Well, we need one or else...what happens to my sister?" He asked Schwoz, but he had the feeling that it wouldn't be a peaceful passing.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Schwoz tried to be nice, for once, but his skirting around the answer enraged Henry. 

"Okay, no one else is allowed to say that again," Henry growled, making (y/n) walk over to him and gently put her hands on his upper arms.

"Hen, I promise, we'll work something out." She told him softly, rubbing his arm that eased his worry. At least someone knew how to be kind.

"Wait a second. I think I know how we can get a chickowillow." Ray suddenly said, smirking at his girl with bright eyes. She knew that look; he had a crafty and crazy plan. 

"There are no more chickowillows." Charlotte pointed out. It's not like they could fly to an exotic country and seek one out. All prospects of finding one of the birds in the current day was an impossibility. 

"Not now, but we have something right here in storage that can help us get a chickowillow from the past." Ray squealed excitedly. (y/n) gasped at his theory and pondered the idea. Could they pull it off?

"The Time Jerker's Time Machine." She breathed out, smiling as he took her hands in his and excitedly nodded. It was bold and insane, but that was Ray all over and even though the idea of going back in time scared her to death, it seemed like the only option.

"Yeah, and we could use it to go back in time to the early 1700s," Schwoz added, agreeing on the plan as Charlotte frowned sceptically.

"And get a chickowillow." Henry finished the theory and the four nodded in agreement. 

"But wait, isn't that dangerous? (y/n), I thought you'd be dead against this." Charlotte piped up. She was correct, the young woman thought it was incredibly stupid and perilous, but Piper needed saving and they were the only ones who could do it.

"Oh my god!" The men fell about in annoyance, blowing raspberries and groaning at her concern. (y/n) rolled her eyes at their petty behaviour. Safety wasn't boring and Charlotte wasn't trying to be a stick in the mud, she just wanted her friends to be safe.

"Just once, Charlotte, could you not be Debbie Downer?" Ray asked, making his best friend point at him as a warning, letting him know that she had her eye on him.

"Really?" Henry pouted. She was a good friend, but she could be so overly cautious sometimes.

"Well, I'm so sorry that it might be a little bit dangerous to send someone three hundred years back in time to get some stupid ancient bird, so we can cure your sister's Ox Pox, which was caused by this freakshow's commodium assitate cookies! Yeah, I'm the crazy one here." The teen ranted, making her friends recoil slightly at her outburst. Geez, someone got out on the wrong side of the bed that morning. They were doing this, despite the danger, because, otherwise, a little girl had no other hope.

~Half an hour later~

Well, everything was set up. The Time Jerker's Time Machine had been hauled up to the main room and was being prepped by Schwoz. (y/n) had to admit, seeing the thing in person, all ready to go, was setting but flies flying in her stomach, but she brushed them away when she remembered why they were doing this. She had trust in her friends and that's all she needed.

"Okay, I'm ready to test the Time Machine," Schwoz said, rubbing his hands together. He was fairly confident that it would blow up the entire block, but you never know. Two people would survive to tell the tale if that happened, so it wasn't all doom and gloom.

"How are we gonna test it?" Ray asked as he subtly guided (y/n) away from the sparking portal frame. Just because she couldn't be injured didn't mean his constant, protective worrying over her had ceased. He still loved to put her comfort and safety first and she never seemed to notice it.

"See, I will take this fris—" Schwoz's explanation was cut off as everyone objected to the word 'frisbee'. Lord knows why.

"...This flying disk, and I will throw it five seconds into the future." He finished, turning on the power, so a beam of energy hit the golden frame, igniting the portal to five seconds in the future. 

"Here goes." The little man said and tossed the frisbee through the swirling blue energy as his friends watched. They could only hope it worked.

"Four, three, two, one..." Right on cue, the frisbee came flying back out at a tremendous speed and unfortunately, whacked (y/n) sharply on the forehead. A shooting pain erupted in her scalp, as Ray immediately turned her to him and examined the angry cut across her face. He gulped with instinctive panic as her eyes failed to dilate upon gazing into the harsh lights above them (or rather seeing him, love makes the pupils dilate too) and he recognised that she had a concussion too.

"Ow!" She yelped, holding her hand up to her forehead as her body worked its magic and healed her wound. The concussion disappeared too and within seconds, she was back to her normal self.

"Schwoz!" Ray hissed, as he stroked her forehead to ensure the injury was completely gone. Hurting (y/n) never ended well for anyone, even if it was an unfortunate accident.

"Oopsie...but it worked!" He moved on quickly. Sure, he felt bad that the girl had gotten hurt, but the notion of the invention working was too thrilling for him to contain his smile. Ray growled in his throat and opened his mouth to say something, but a delicate finger on his lips silenced him before he could kick-off.

"Raymond, I'm okay." (y/n) whispered to him, gazing up at him through her eyelashes, which soothed his anger and replaced it with passion and lust. Why did she have to look so alluring when he was about to go to some desolate wasteland in the past? He was fighting the urge to just screw everything and take her to his room so he could show her what she did to him. How he wasn't going anywhere, how he'd never love anyone as much as he loved her and how he never wanted anyone to have her as he wanted. 

"Tell me where to send Ray," Schwoz instructed Henry, ignoring how Ray was practically devouring (y/n) with his gaze. No matter how he looked at her, (y/n) never freaking saw the longing stares. Even if he wore an "I love (y/n)" t-shirt she probably wouldn't notice. She needed to hear the words from his lips, but he was waiting for her, so they were stood still.

"Uh, in the year 1709, the largest number of chickowillows lived in a northern region of Alaska, now know as Prudhoe Bay." Charlotte read out, causing Ray to frown at the information. He was going where? (y/n) giggled at his reaction, he hated the cold and it looked like he was going to a frozen tundra.

"All right, Schwoz, send me to Prudhoe Bay, Alaska, 1709." The large man ignored his distaste for the location and popped a gumball. His Captain Man suit would hopefully provide enough protection for the quick trip to the past.

"Aye, aye." Schwoz punched in the coordinates as Ray blew his bubble and transformed into his alter-ego. 

"Hey, you better put on a coat. Alaska's pretty cold." Henry advised, thinking that even with his indestructibility, Ray would be miserable and vulnerable in subzero temperatures. 

"I won't need a coat. I'm just gonna pop back to the past, grab a chickowillow and Schwoz is gonna pull me right back here." He explained like it was nothing. He'd never tell them he was nervous as hell, he was a superhero and that meant he was excellent at putting on a brave face.

"And now, to Alaska! He exclaimed and ran to the portal, but he just passed straight through the unlit frame. He always got ahead of himself when he got excited.

"Think the time portal needs to be on," Henry remarked as his boss awkwardly shuffled back to his takeoff spot. Well, that was embarrassing.

"Okay, ready," Schwoz confirmed after flicking the on button. Now, the machine was on and ready for Ray's big adventure.

"Hey, come back to me safe and sound, you hear?" (y/n) told him in the bravest voice she could muster, although her clammy, wringing fingers suggested that she was bricking it. Three hundred years was a long way or time or whatever to be apart and her heart felt like the little string that connected her to Ray was being cut.

"Sweet girl, I'll always come back to you." He told her gently, making her breathe hitch at the sentiment. She felt special and she took his words to be his promise, now believing that he would do his best to come home. 

"And now, to Alaska and the year 1709!" Ray yelled dramatically, silently wishing he could kiss his girl goodbye, but resisted the temptation. If he gave in now, he'd never let go. This time when he ran, he disappeared into the portal and fell through time so he could complete his mission: Get the damn bird and get the hell out of there.

~Alaska, 1709~

Ray should've listened to Henry, Alaska was freezing. It was snowing and the wind was howling, but he was here and if he wasn't mistaken, he could see a few chickowillows right in front of him. 

"Captain Man to the Man Cave, Captain Man to the Man Cave." He said into his walkie-talkie. He had no idea how the device worked in the past, he was glad it did. Being out here with no contact could get pretty lonely.

"Ray! We hear you! Are you okay?" A sweet, feminine voice came over the radio as (y/n) happily accepted the call. He wasn't dead, that's all that mattered and now, he just needed to get a bird and then leave before she missed him for too long.

"Man, it be cold!" He whined, wrapping his arms around himself as the bitter wind stung his face and neck. It was times like this he wished he was wrapped up in bed with pyjamas and fluffy socks on, drinking hot cocoa with his favourite girl. He hated the cold.

"Well, I told you to take a coat." Henry jumped in, sounding like a mother telling off her disobedient child.

"Oooh, sorry, mom!" Ray sassed back and his heart warmed when he heard (y/n)'s giggling on the other end of the line. 

"Nah, you wish I was your mom," Henry replied, which sounded really weird.

"What does that mean?" Charlotte asked, looking up from her PearPad in confusion. She'd never heard a line like that before.

"I don't know," Henry said weakly, wishing he'd never said anything at all. However, his awkwardness turned to frustration when his phone began to ring in his pocket.

"Jasper again?" (y/n) asked, turning around to give him a sympathetic look. She couldn't understand why he wanted to play hide and seek either and it's not like Henry could leave the Man Cave at such a crucial moment, so the constant video calls were getting annoying.

"I hope he's all right." (y/n) mumbled to Charlotte as they helped Schwoz monitor the Time Machine. She believed he'd keep his promise, but she couldn't help that tugging doubt in the back of her mind that something was gonna go wrong.

"He's fine, he's indestructible," Schwoz said from their right, his words being somewhat of a comfort to the concerned woman. Henry was wrapping up his dum call with Jasper and walked out back into the Man Cave to see her worrying.

"Look, I'll show you he's okay. How's it going, Ray? Did you get a chickowillow?" Charlotte asked over the radio, just to prove that he hadn't frozen to death yet and everything was going smoothly.

"Almost. In the sack, that's a good bird. There you go. Got him! Now, bring me back to the present!" Ray told them cheerfully, making everyone clap and jump in excitement as (y/n) breathed a sigh of relief. He was eager to get to her and into some warmer clothes, so he also sounded pretty spiked. 

"Standby by," Schwoz told everyone as he flicked the buttons on the machine. More energy fired at the portal and (y/n) grinned at the prospect of being reunited with her hero. He'd gone to the ends of the Earth to save a little girl and that made her swoon. The bright light from the portal shone strongly and to her disappointment, it wasn't Ray who came back through, it was an elderly gentleman. What?

"I'm o...kay!" The man groaned as he took a deep breath between falling over and getting up. He took quite a tumble for a man of his age and it was a wonder that he hadn't broken his brittle bones. Henry and Charlotte stepped over to help the senior citizen up because y'know, they were nice to old people and the guy took a confused look around the Man Cave.

"Where am I?" He asked, his wrinkled hands shaking as (y/n) and Charlotte looked at their resident genius with horrified expressions.

"Schwoz!" The teen girl hissed, believing they had brought back the wrong person. He was so old, he must have been at least eighty.

"That's not Ray!" (y/n) told him bitterly, whilst Henry chucked away the toilet roll that the man had brought with him. She was disappointed to not have her best friend back and now, they had to contend with some pensioner.

"Excuse me, young lady, I am too!" The man said in his old, rough voice, his surprisingly lively eyes fixated on her back. He'd get the shock of his life when she turned around.

"I think that's Ray, but from the future," Schwoz said in a worried voice, knowing he'd screwed up badly. Old Ray stared at Henry's youthful face and gasped when he recognised him.

"Henry! You're a boy again!" He laughed and felt his unblemished cheek, marvelling at how the kid was still...a kid. (y/n) was terrified to see him, if he really was from the future, would he want to see her? What if she had been left behind long ago? 

"And President Charlotte! You look just like you used to!" He laughed in delight at the girl, who blanched when he called her the President. To be fair, if anyone could lead the country, it was Charlotte.

"And Schwoz! You're a man again!" He recalled when he saw his old handyman and his heart melted when he heard an oh so familiar laugh from the girl who had yet to turn around. He knew that laugh.

"(y/n)...sweet girl." He said softly, his eyes widening as the girl spun around at the mention of her nickname. He remembered? Of course he did, how could he forget the girl who became his wife, the girl who gave him children and grandchildren, his soulmate? He shuffled over and gave her a tight embrace, overwhelmed at seeing her so young again. She had always been beautiful, but to see her like this, like from when he used to be so stupid, so blind to her love for him, made him tear up.

"Uh, hi, Ray." (y/n) awkwardly returned the hug, not wanting to upset her elderly best friend by refusing to touch him. It felt odd like she was hugging a stranger, who, at the same time, felt like someone who knew her better than anyone. He was softer, squishier, with less muscle than what he carried in his thirties and the clothes he was wearing were typical grandpa slacks, socks, slippers and a warm jacket. But underneath all that, she could faintly smell the same cologne he always used and she still felt small against him, even though he'd shrunk slightly with age. Yeah, this was her Ray, she knew it.

"Guys? Guys? I'm ready to come home! Uh, it's really cold in Alaska and I don't have a coat!" (y/n) frantically broke away when everyone heard Young Ray shouting over the radio. Poor guy, he was expecting to be sucked back to his girl and his family any minute now, but Schwoz, the bonehead, had screwed it all up.

"What kind of an idiot goes to Alaska without a coat?" Old Ray laughed to Henry, not realising that it was him. He was the idiot. 

"Uh, you," Henry replied slowly, feeling a bit weirded out at seeing his boss so elderly and fragile.

"OH MY GOD!" He suddenly shouted, making all of his, old, young, whatever friends jump in fright.

"What's wrong?" They all asked, thinking he was about to go into shock from realising he was in his past, but his concern was much more...daft than that.

"Where'd my toilet paper go?" He asked, scouring the floor for it. Man, elderly people have some strange priorities. Schwoz, Henry, (y/n) and Charlotte couldn't help but look at him in amazement as he weakly stood there, his knobbly knees struggling to keep him upright.

"Why you guys staring at me? Am I drooling?" He asked and whipped out a handkerchief from his sleeve to dab at his mouth. Old people things, they were lovely.

"No, you're fine." (y/n) smiled at him kindly, giving him a small pat on the arm to reassure him. She decided that she'd just play it cool until he could go home and she could have her Ray back.

"Uh guys, it's like nine degrees below zero here in Alaska so bring me back." They all heard Ray's chattering teeth come from the speaker as he shivered in the extreme cold. Even with his indestructibility, this was torture and he really fancied going home now.

"Hang on, Ray," Henry called back, which really confused Old Ray. This was too much for his old ears and old mind to process, leaving him stood there in bafflement.

"Hold onto what?" He asked his former sidekick, who saw that he'd had to take it slow since they were now in the presence of a senior citizen. 

"Not you...Ray, hold on." Henry walked over to the control and turned off the radio transmission so there'd be no more confusion. One thing at a time, send Old Ray back and then bring Young Ray home so (y/n) didn't hyperventilate.

"Dah, he put me on hold!" The youthful man groaned as he rubbed his arms. A coat was sounding pretty nice right now.

"Ray, are you really Ray Manchester?" Henry asked as he turned away from the Time Machine. He couldn't believe that this was his boss, the formidable Captain Man, he looked so delicate.

"Of course I am, Henry. What's the matter with you, huh? Why's everything around here look like it did fifty years ago?" The aged man asked as he wobbled around, his words making everyone catch their breath. He was from when?

"Wait, how old are you?" Charlotte asked as she poked (y/n) to bring her back from her state of shock. Fifty years in the future freaked her out, but at least she had the knowledge that Ray never forgot her, even if they ever parted ways at some point.

"I'm 85 and I still look great—oh!" Ray tried to look cool, but his rapid arm movement didn't agree with his old pelvis and everyone cringed as they heard it crack and crunch. 

"Wait, so in your time, I'm 78, that's cool!" (y/n) giggled with the kids, not seeing how Old Ray was looking at her with so much fondness. Huh, no wedding ring, this must have been before they got together. Despite the cobwebs on his brain, Ray's mind was still pretty sharp and he made a mental note to keep the future secret. It was up to his younger self to have the balls to tell her he loved her and he'd see that she loved him too, eventually.

"Wait, I think I know what went wrong!" Schwoz suddenly exclaimed as he checked the data from his devices. 

"What?" Charlotte asked, hoping it was something easily fixed.

"The Time Machine brought the right Ray, but instead of bringing him back from the year 1709, it brought him back from fifty years in the future!" He explained stressfully, turning round to gesture at the pensioner, who was now pressing random buttons on the supercomputer. He seemed so fascinated by the buttons and hopefully, he wouldn't break it.

"Ohhh, a blaster!" He grinned as he picked up one of the emergency weapons hidden around the Man Cave. Oh god, with those shaking fingers, letting him have a weapon was not a good idea.

"Raymond, put that down!" (y/n) scolded him, stepping in front of the kids so her body would get hit by a stray laser and not them. Her tone was so familiar to Ray, she still used his full name when he was in trouble, especially when he and the grandkids got up to mischief. Yeah, he was the fun grandpa and she was the grandma who baked cookies and muffins every day in that little house they'd bought in the country.

"I haven't seen one of these in a long time—" Predictably, Ray's fingers had lost their old strength and they accidentally pulled the trigger on the blaster, firing a rogue shot at the ceiling. Thank God, he hadn't pointed it at them.

"Oh, I forgot you have to put the setting on the—" And again. Henry and (y/n) were inching towards him slowly, the boy using her as a human meat-shield to save himself from dying, not that she minded. To her, it was better to take a blast to the face than see her favourite teen boy get shot.

"I don't know what to do—" Ray chuckled as he had a "blast" with the gun. He hadn't been near the superhero life in years and this was like a tour around his past. He loved it.

"Why don't I just take that from you and keep it safe?" She smiled at him, but fiercely yanked the weapon from his fingertips, passing it to Henry so he could deal with it.

"Awww, yes, dear." He groaned and pouted at the loss of his new toy. (y/n)'s heart fluttered at the new name. It might have just been an old person thing, calling a young woman "dear", but coming from him it sounded so cute, so marital, so right.

"You guys, bring me back!" Her inner fluttering died when she heard the groaning of her best friend on the line again. He must've been freezing, possibly to death, and that kicked her nervous personality into overdrive. She didn't want him to turn in a "Raysicle", she needed him home so they could watch a new, crappy rom-com tonight. 

"Schwoz, you gotta bring Ray back before he freezes and (y/n) loses it without him." Charlotte hissed into the genius' ear, making the young woman pout. She was that bad, was she? She was worried, but she wasn't losing it, she was just petrified that he'd never come home and then she'd lose the only guy for her and she'd spend the rest of her life as a crazy cat lady. Okay, maybe she was losing it a bit.

"And we need that stupid bird's feathers to cure my sister!" Henry added, also sounding very panicky now. Looks like he was losing it too.

"Will you both relax? I'm sure your sister is doing fine and you won't be a lonely cat lady for the rest of your life." Schwoz said to both of them, causing (y/n) to huff as he guessed what she was thinking. She needed to talk to the person who always knew how to calm her down.

"Ray, are you there?" She asked as she pressed the button for the microphone. 'Please, pick up, please don't be frozen.' She chanted in her mind as Ray took a few seconds to move his frozen hand up to his mouth.

"Yeah, sweet girl, I'm here." He whimpered into his walkie-talkie, as his teeth chattered. He was glad that if he was going to die, her voice would be the last one he'd hear. He only hoped that she found a nice guy who could take care of her properly and give her the life she deserved.

"Listen to me, I know you're freezing, but don't worry, okay sweetheart? We're gonna try and bring you back right now." She told him in the sweetest, most pleasant voice she could muster. Sweetheart...Ray could listen to her call him that all day and his delirious mind made it seem like her words were warming him up.

"Hurry, sweet girl." He slurred, reigning in his desire to spill everything to her, every secret and feeling he had ever kept from her. Even if he died never knowing if she would give him a chance to be hers, he didn't mind. He'd rather die than let her carry that burden for the rest of her life. A man who loved her more than anything, but was too scared to say something, who'd want that?

"Ahhhhh!" Henry groaned as he got another call from Jasper. He didn't care about the stupid hide and seek, he wasn't a child anymore.

"Did you forget about your hide and seek buddy?" Charlotte smirked at him, finding it funny how annoyed he was because of Jasper's eccentricity. 

"Yes." He rolled his eyes at her amusement as he looked at Jasper's face on his screen. Did he really have to answer it?

"Hurry up, we don't have time to piss about and play hide and seek." (y/n) told him in an unusually stern voice for her. Henry could tell that Ray's near-death situation was getting to her and he knew he had to be quick with this.

"Be out in a minute." The boy promised her and dashed to the elevator again for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

"Schwoz, get that thing ready to bring him back." The young woman told Schwoz and they all waited around as he prepared the machine. Old Ray took a seat on the couch whilst they waited since his old knees needed a rest. Another old person thing.

"Okay, I've reset the machine, now let's bring Captain Man home!" Schwoz said dramatically as Henry ran back from the elevator. Whatever he said to Jasper must've been quick.

"Do it!" The boy replied, putting his hand on (y/n)'s shoulder as she clasped her hands together in silent prayer. Please, don't let him be dead. The machine beamed the energy into the portal and everyone shielded their eyes at the sheer brightness it exuded.

"Ah, with the lights!" Old Ray groaned and everyone gasped as two, weird time travellers jumped out of the portal.

"Great Scott!" "Where are we?" "I don't know!" The old man and boy gasped as they looked around the room. They looked familiar...

"You're Marty McFly!" (y/n) gasped as she recognised the kid. How were they here? Time machines are weird.

"Let's get out of here!" The old man told his young friend, who enthusiastically nodded and jumped back through the machine, disappearing to wherever they had come from.

"Let me try that again." Schwoz smiled nervously as his friends frowned at him. He needed to get his act together when it came to this time-travel lark, otherwise, Ray would never get home and (y/n) would murder him.

As the genius worked on his calculations, Henry and (y/n) decided to keep Ray awake by shouting at him through the walkie-talkie, but they got no answer.

"Ray?" Henry asked into the microphone and (y/n)'s breathing turned ragged when they heard no response.

"Ray Manchester, pick up the damn walkie-talkie. Can you hear us?" She cried, not knowing that her love had succumbed to the pull of a hyperthermia-induced sleep and was laid out in the snow, unconscious. She let out a small whimper as she turned into Henry's shoulder and leaned her head against her friend's shoulder. Henry didn't know what to do, (y/n) was always the one to comfort him, not the other way around. With her losing hope, sniffing and crying, the boy was starting to freak out.

"Come on, man, answer me! Ray!" He yelled, spooking the Old Ray on the couch. It was never a good idea to frighten an old guy out of his nap. Back in Alaska, Ray thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice of an angel calling his name and he picked up the walkie-talkie with the last of his strength.

"Henry...forget about me, just make sure you take care of (y/n)." He mumbled, trying to keep the image of her smiling in his mind as he thought about the end. He never thought this would be his way of going; he wasn't married or even close to getting the girl he wanted, he'd barely done anything.

"No, we're gonna save you, man." Henry smiled at the sound of his voice and (y/n) nearly keeled over when she found out he was still alive. She panted as she wiped her cheeks and the two friends put their arms around each other's shoulders as they breathed out a sigh of relief.

"It's too late for me, kid. Just, remember how handsome I was." He gulped and a smile twitched onto his face when he heard the faint giggle of (y/n) laughing at his ego. That's what he wanted to hear, one last time, one last joke. He'd felt her kiss once and he supposed that it was enough to let him die peacefully, knowing she befitted the name he had given her. His sweet girl.

"Look, it's nine degrees below zero in Alaska in 1709. Ray can't last ten more minutes out there. His body temperature is getting too low," (y/n) whimpered as a monitor reading out Ray's vital signs began to beep. His core temperature was getting dangerously low and she felt her stomach drop and her heart turn to water.

"What are we gonna do?" She wailed, rubbing her eyes to try and stem the flow of tears. It felt like her entire world was collapsing around her as the thought of losing him made her hyperventilate. No Ray equalled no (y/n), they couldn't go on without each other.

"I don't know." Schwoz panicked as he wracked his brain for an idea. Old Ray shuffled over to his old, young, whatever friends when he heard his soon-to-be wife sniff and cry. He had never liked that sound, especially when he was the one causing it.

"Wait, Schwoz can't make the machine bring Ray back here, right?" Charlotte butted in as she thought about the situation. 

"Right." Henry agreed as he tried to keep (y/n) calm, but Schwoz was starting to get antsy too.

"Yeah, sure. I built everything in the whole Man Cave, but let's all of us on the one thing I can't do!" He snapped, throwing his hands up in the air as he returned (y/n)'s murderous glare.

"Listen to Charlotte, short stack." She growled, wanting to hear something useful, not useless and petty complaints. Schwoz frowned at the listen, but sulked silently rather than causing an argument. 

"What if we opened the time portal to Prudhoe Bay in 1709 and one of us reaches in, grabs Ray and just yanks him back through?" She said, making Henry and (y/n)'s eyes light up. It sounded plausible, but they needed the expertise of Schwoz.

"Would it work?" The teen boy asked him, praying that it would.

"Maybe, if Ray is close enough for someone to reach him. But, it's dangerous, we need someone capable of withstanding the pressure and force of the portal." Schwoz said, weighing up the pros and cons in his mind. Reaching across time would tear someone apart if they tried it.

"Hey! I need to pee. I'll be back in an hour." Old Ray announced, not caring that everyone else didn't want to know about his bodily functions. God knows why peeing took him an hour, but no one fancied finding out why

"Why is it dangerous?" Charlotte asked as he staggered off to the bathroom. Hopefully, he remembered where it was.

"Because whoever goes through the portal must keep one part of their body on this side of the machine at all times," Schwoz said, frowning as he thought about the complex physics and math.

"Why? What happens if they go all the way through?" Henry questioned, getting the sense that it wasn't good.

"The portal will close and they will end up stuck in Alaska with Ray." He answered, not wanting another person stranded three hundred years in the past.

"In 1709." Charlotte nodded, understanding the gravity of the situation.

"We might not be able to bring them back, ever." Schwoz looked down at his shoes sadly and that's when (y/n) made her choice.

"Well then, I should be the one to do this." She told her friends in a firm voice, and they nodded in understanding.

"Duh." "You think I'd try it?" Schwoz and Charlotte asked rhetorically, both of them not wanting to be heroes. Their squishy, vulnerable bodies would snap like twigs if they went through.

"Why? I could try it too." Henry protested, not wanting to see the young woman hurt. If Ray came back, he'd hit the roof if he saw her injured because she'd been put in harm's way.

"I can do it. My body can withstand the strain, and if I get horrifically torn apart, I'll just heal up." (y/n) said in a determined voice. It would probably hurt and her superpower would be tested to its limits, but if it meant she'd save Ray, she'd do it. 

"But—" Henry tried to argue, but she held a hand up and gave him a stern look.

"Look, kid. I'm the one who loves him, even if the idiot never sees it. And if someone's gonna be stuck with him in a frozen wasteland for the rest of eternity, it might as well be me. I'm the only one who could cope with his whining." She laughed at the end and Henry could see that she was too stubborn to dissuade. 

"He might love you one day," Charlotte told her, trying to be subtle as Schwoz tapped in the correct coordinates. If these were her last words to her, she wanted them to make her feel better. She actually wanted to tell her that Ray would pay one million dollars if it meant she fell in love with him. 

"Let's just get this over with." She ignored the comment. She didn't want to get her hopes up, after eight years with him, she'd learnt not to get excited about the touches or kisses on the cheek that he often gave her. It just brought too much pain to think she was special in that way.

"Ready, (y/n)?" Schwoz asked the young woman as she shrugged on her jacket. By all accounts, Alaska was a bit nippy and she'd take any protection she could. She gulped at the daunting trip she was about to take, but found her courage and nodded strongly.

"As I'll ever be." She replied, giving Henry one last smile as she prepared to jump.

"On, two...one....two!" The beam ignited the portal again and she leaned through the swirling mist. Her skin felt like it was being pulled in all directions, but she shook off the pain and peered through the blizzard as her torso arrived in 1709. Her stomach was rapidly being shredded and sewn back together and she knew she had to grab her not-boyfriend quickly.

"Ray! Sweetheart, it's me!" She shouted above the howling wind as she saw him shivering on the ground. No doubt the frozen earth was sapping the warmth from his body and he was babbling hysterically.

"Are you an angel?" He murmured, seeing nothing but a beautiful face surrounded by light. This was a dream, she wasn't here, she was safe and warm back home, just like he wanted her to be.

"Ray, please, give me your hand! Come on! Come on!" She begged him and his frost-covered glove reached out to take the angel's hand. He was certain she was here to take him away from this mortal plain and he smiled dreamily.

"Now the other one, come on!" She instructed him once she had one hand tightly in his grasp. Her skin was prickling at the bitter air and when combined with the strain her tummy was under, it made her feel like death.

"You're so beautiful..." He slurred, weakly offering her his other hand, meaning she had to really stretch to reach it. Her leaning meant that Henry, Charlotte and Schwoz had to grab onto her ankle that was sticking out of their side of the portal. They couldn't let go, otherwise, she'd be lost too.

"Guys, pull me back, I've got him!" She screamed at them, her voice warbling as it passed through time. She held onto Ray as tightly as she could and ignored the nonsense falling from his lips about how she'd been sent down from heaven or how she was the most gorgeous girl he'd ever seen. 'It's the hypothermia talking, nothing else, he's just cold.' She hissed to herself as she felt her desire and love for him spiking. She could listen to him talking like that all day.

"I'm so in love you, angel." He giggled drunkenly, not realising that even though it was the best thing he could've said to her, (y/n) hated that he was saying it. Anyone would be able to see that his mind was gone and she didn't know that rather than lying, he was just losing control of the things he'd been wanting to say for years.

"Oh, shut up, Ray. What's taking fucking long?" She screamed at her friends as the man she was trying to save tortured her. God, she wanted to say it back, but now wasn't the time. One half of her was being torn to pieces and the other was freezing to death.

With one final tug, her body was pulled back through the portal along with Ray and they landed in a pile on the Man Cave floor. Schwoz killed the power to the time machine as the young woman groaned at the healing process and Ray shivered violently on the floor.

"Ray..." (y/n) crawled over to him and caught his trembling hand in hers as she tried to snuggle up to him so he could use her body warmth. She didn't care if she got cold, she just wanted to help him.

"Okay, you guys warm Ray up and I'm gonna start taking the feathers off this bird so Schwoz can make the medicine for my sister," Henry told them. Honestly, (y/n) had forgotten all about the chickowillow because she was just glad her perfect guy was back home safe. Charlotte rushed over to her boss with a thick blanket and draped it over his body as his blue lips wobbled. 

"Sweet g-girl..." He mumbled. His mind was hazy and he wasn't sure if he'd said something stupid or not. He felt the cold seep everywhere and it made her tiny body against his feel boiling hot, which didn't help his fuzzy thinking. Henry lifted the chickowillow from the sack and it flapped and squawked in panic.

"Wait. You're not gonna hurt the bird, are you?" Charlotte asked as she left Schwoz to keep Ray warm. Well, keep him warm as (y/n) snuggled into him. She wasn't sure if she wanted to watch them, it was all too lovey-dovey for her.

"Uh, no. No," Henry reassured her and dashed off through the secret door with a blaster behind his back. He felt bad, but Piper was on death's door and he couldn't risk her dying. The bird had to go.

"So c-cold..." Ray's teeth chattered as his arms slowly came around (y/n) so he could hold her to his chest like his own personal heater. She was getting pretty cold herself, but she said nothing, just pulled the blanket tight around them.

"You need to get in bed." She told him as she nuzzled her nose under his jaw. Her breath warmed the skin there and the resulting clarity it brought made his heart sing.

"O-okay here." He replied breathlessly, feigning that the cold was still mostly affecting him, not the way she was laid with him.

"The floor will make you cold." She giggled, flicking off a few pieces of ice that had stuck to his costume. He needed to put some warm clothes on too, the melting ice would only make him colder. That, and it was starting to seep into her jeans.

"Did I say anything w-weird when I was about to die? I don't r-remember." His mind had gathered enough for him to string together a longer sentence as he worried about the ten minutes when his mind ran away from him. God, he hoped he hadn't't said anything that would ruin his friendship with her. 

"No, nothing at all." She reassured him, although she was recalling the way he called her gorgeous, an angel and how he told her he loved her. It wasn't real, just a mindless rambling from a man one step away from death. Shit, that stung her heart.

"Good. Thank you for saving me, sweet girl." He told her, unaware of how tears were stinging in her eyes. Her heart hurt even more as he pressed a kiss into her hair and she had to swallow the lump in her throat. 

"Don't mention it." She replied, knowing that with or without thanks, she would do it all over again if it meant he'd be safe. Sure, he broke her heart like four times a day, but she still couldn't go on without him. They laid together on the floor for a while, just talking about everything and nothing, enjoying each other's company as Schwoz rolled his eyes at them. 

He'd been waiting eight years for them to get together, he'd seen them go from coworkers to friends to being madly in love, and even though Ray fell first, they were now on the same level and desperate to be open with each other. That time was close at hand, but it would take something drastic to force Ray or (y/n)'s hand into showing the truth.

And don't worry, Schwoz's medicine worked a treat, Piper was just fine.

[dballzposting]

Dballzposting rant

In the DBS:SH movie they came out with the statement that Saiyan children will be little until one day they sprout up like weeds. This was the case for Goku. But this was not how Gohan was handled. But with Goten & Trunks they were like .... No yeah let's get back to that. Let's recontextualize Goku's past into Saiyan canon. Gohan was just a freak of nature and should not be taken as the standard

And for all I know this could have already been an implicit decision done when they made DBS, they just never outright said it but elected to show it.

Or maybe they just didn't want to change Goten & Trunks's designs or personalities too much (more than likely).

Personal story time. Some of you may be aware of my pipe dream of ask-tarble my silly rabbit ask-tarble. When I conceptualized ask-tarble it was April of 2022, and the DBS:SH movie didn't air until August of that same year.

I decided back then to have Goten & Trunks to be around 13 & 14 on ask-tarble (timeline reasons, and also I wanted to portray Trunks with braces for some reason. I did a lot of random things that summer for "some reason." I was kind of off my rocker.), and I also decided to - unlike on DBS - actually show Goten & Trunks maturing in a more human way. I felt at the time that this would be more relatable to an audience, would ameliorate the conceptual infuriation of how that wasnt the case on DBS, and -- ultimately, essentially, long story short -- I Thought That It Would Be the funniest possible thing to do.

Okkkkkkkkkkkk cool fine. But then the movie came out and I felt real fucking funny about my decision (that was already put into motion and that I felt couldn't be taken back). I knew that I COULD retcon the few posts I had going and honor the newfound canon, but, I didnt really want to. I decided to push forward with what I had.

But it still bugs me. And then they recently reinforced that little Saiyan fact AGAIN on Dragon Ball Daima, when Krillin tells Trunks that he doesn't look like he's aged a bit.

Which is fineeeeeeee. Except for the fact that I really don't like to be outright contrary to canon without a solid cause, and I've had hoards of doubts over the past few years about the chosen characterizations for Goten & Trunks on ask-tarble, even though it's all theoretical and in my head still, I just kind of hate what I've set up.

And ultimatelyyyy. This is the big one. I've changed a lot since summer of 2022. I've gotten stronger and better and faster and wiser .....

I thought then that teenage age groups are funny and thats not wrong. But whats also exceedingly funny, that I just couldnt understand back then, is Goten & Trunks as they are now.

Walk & talk with me. Goten is at his absolute funniest when he expresses a negative opinion. It's what makes him real & believable. Most of the time on screen he is happy go-lucky and naive, he is trusting, he is excitable, and this is great fun, but it means that when he DOES think that something is shit, it's so funny. Like when in DBS he thought that The Great Saiyaman was totally lameboat. And then he put on a pair of sunglasses about it.

He's at his funniest when he embodies the conviction of an old man sitting on his porch, as young children sometimes do, learning how to be human by mirroring the adults in their lives - but still putting their own spin on it.

I mean ... If you have an ask blog then you have total creative freedom of what you do. There could be so many funny moments. Extended Son Goten screentime.

It could be precisely like that Tails Gets Trolled bit when Shadow was talking about his gruesome and morbid experience in time jail or something and Sonic was just like "Ok well that's stupid."

That's Goten. He overlooks everything you just said becasue there were a few joints in your story that felt derivative or cheap and so he's just like "Ok well that's stupid."

That would be so funny. And real as well

I mean he could (and will) still be like that as a young teen but it's just funnier if he's a child. He contorts his brow like an old man and makes his evaluation your problem

[catchyhuh]

You once told about crying, so let's talk about the happier scenario: LAUGHTER. We were shown them sharing it a lot in canon but maybe you have some additional thoughts? Who would have the most twisted, dark sense of humor? Or maybe the cringiest? Who would laugh his butt off while reading some stupid text on the birthday card on the local shop? Does any of them snort or hiccup while giggling? Are any of them ticklish on some unusual spot? Do they prank each other? And what do they do to actually cheer up the others? Those kind of headcanons!

oh my god. i want to hug you. you’re right we DO need to talk about this!! peace and love and joy on planet earth!!!! all of them laugh when they see a guy walk headfirst into a glass pane and only two of them sort of kind of feel bad about it

lupin:

it takes almost nothing to make lupin laugh. and he’s not even fucking with you either he just sincerely thinks THIS much is funny but he has more of a control over his giggles than people might assume. he CAN stop laughing but he knows its obnoxious to people so he DOESN’T 

he knows how to weaponize levity. like, he really does have more emotional maturity than people give him credit for (not that he’s GREAT about it, just better than people give him credit for!) and it’s been shown multiple times that he tries to use laughter to pull people out of their emotional pits of despair. he exaggerates his gestures, he makes weird faces, and since he’s already such an animated person you wouldn’t even realize it’s an intentional thing unless you really knew him

lupin arguably pulls pranks every day, but not on his gang. at least, not the standard kind. it turns out people with nightmarishly fast reflexes have um. pretty wild kneejerk reactions if you pop out from behind a corner to try to scare them! usually he just replaces unimportant items for the hell of it. sour cream in the yogurt tub. pens replaced with black straws. shit that’s annoying but never WILD. he saves that for the heists 

jigen:

jigen laughing is (like so many things) ENTIRELY dependent on his mood. if he’s grouchy it’s almost impossible to make him laugh, even if it’s something he normally finds hilarious, but if he’s easygoing on this particular day it’s not. i mean its a REASONABLE level. it’s reasonable. honestly a lot of it has to do with the person it’s coming from too so it’s like. there’s factors. there’s factors to what makes him laugh. and oddly enough none of it has to do with his sense of humor. although in THEORY he would be the pickiest. it’s not HIGHBROW good lord not highbrow humor by any means, but he’s like. unimpressed with absurdist meme humor. probably because so much WAY wackier shit happens to them organically every damn day BUT YOU KNOW HOW IT IS

jigen. is a very loud laugher, when he gets to that very sincere point. like if he’s outside checking the mail or whatever and you’re standing in a bedroom upstairs on the opposite side of the house, and he sees a squirrel fall out of a tree flailing wildly before it just lands on its feet, blinking in confusion… you’ll know. you’ll know he saw that. and so will any house that happens to be in a 1 mile radius of the hideout. full lung capacity, clutching his stomach, pointing and everything. 

fujiko:

it is not impossible to get fujiko to laugh. difficult, but not impossible. especially because she’ll just do that laugh that indicates “that was funny/entertaining” but doesn’t actually like. turn into real laughter.  but fujiko sincerely, fully breaking into a laughing fit is like a haley’s comet level rare, beautiful event in nature. i know i said she never CRY cries but her eyes water up almost immediately the minute she starts laughing laughing, and her face gets all red and streaky. it’s exceedingly undignified. it’s so great

fujiko does admittedly find things funny the most in a like. objective sense. she’ll watch a movie and grin and be like “that was funny” and it’s like. ok then why aren’t you laughing? SHE JUST HAS A HIGHER COMEDY TOLERANCE. it’s not even one of those things she’s trained herself on. it’s just. being around these idiots for so long she has come to realize if she actually did start cracking up every time one of them did something stupid, intentional or not, she would have fractured a rib by now, and that’s just not super ideal for anybody really,

tied with jigen for the darkest sense of humor, easily. of course, again, unlike jigen, she won’t immediately start losing it, but her eyes will widen with this like flash of humor and she’ll just kind of smile tightly because she KNOWS she shouldn’t laugh at generic dead baby joke number 482938 but unlike jigen she cares at least a little about not seeming like a total ass. just a lil.

goemon:

less giggly than lupin, more giggly than jigen. goemon’s sense of humor is kind of hard to pinpoint, even for him. it could be something as simple as someone deliberately mispronouncing a word that gets his smile all twisted up, it could be a stupid pun, but he INSISTS he does NOT find others getting hurt funny. he insists. and then when lupin actually trips and eats shit and jigen immediately bursts out laughing goemon turns his head away like No No No it's not funny i will not laugh. i won’t BUT IT’S TOO LATE. WE’VE ALREADY LOST HIM. not above finding others’ misfortune funny in other ways though, he just (says) bodily harm isn’t funny. someone trying to step out of the rain and getting an entire awning’s worth of water dumped on them though, he will admit that shit is funny as hell

when goemon really REALLY starts laughing like, uncontrollably, can’t stop laughing, he just stops making noise. but he hates how stupid he must look with his mouth hanging open and no sound coming out, so he tucks his chin and halfway tries to cover his face, his shoulders just shaking the whole time. of course it takes a lot to get to that point like a LOT lot, so it’s amazing he’s as concerned about it as he is

zenigata:

zenigata WANTS to be like jigen in the “this is serious i'm mad at you. stop giggling” sense but he’s. not as sturdy in that department. he like draws his mouth super tight to stop from smiling and he’s like “this is not funny. stop. stop it. ITS NOT F--” and then he puts his head in his hands to try to stop laughing but it’s too late the dam has already broken

like with crying, he doesn’t ever really feel the need to stop himself from laughing outside of I’M SERIOUS CUT IT OUT type situations. like he gets giggly just when he’s in a good mood and nothing funny has even happened yet. and like with literally everything with him he’s loud. very loud. almost anything can get him to laugh, nothing is too stupid or juvenile despite what he insists. also sometimes laughs when he’s nervous, and it’s like, the only time he’s at a semi-average volume doing it. because he’s fearing for his life. it happens.

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Untamed Mistress (Ormond, 1951)

As this largely consists of scenes of the actors standing against mostly the same background reacting to assorted bits of stock footage, this lacks the verisimilitude and voodoo of location of more lavish jungle adventures. One might argue that the total disregard for spatial coherence that results from this tactic brings the movie into the realm of the avant garde. One might argue a lot of things. Let's all sit in a circle and argue with each other as people do on the Internet. *makes jerking off motion* What I will actually argue is that at times the movie has the charm of an exceedingly dopey National Geographic documentary.

Now, I'm a sucker for jungle adventures, no matter how chintzy, although it must be noted that this shares the genre's more unfortunate qualities with its unenlightened cultural depictions. In fact, it manages to be insensitive to multiple cultures, so perhaps it is an overachiever in this one dismal respect. I suppose this is too mindbogglingly stupid to genuinely offend, but I'll point it out in any case.

This is directed by Ron Ormond, best known for the trilogy of evangelical anti-communist propaganda films he made with firebrand preacher Estus Pirkle. I suspect some of you might prefer the rapid fire derangement of those movies, but I'd rather hang out in a fake ass jungle palling around with guys in gorilla suits than listen to Pirkle complain about every single remotely enjoyable activity, so I found this to be a much more enjoyable experience.

Despite an early gorilla suit appearance and a scene where a loincloth babe pounces on a guy while making monkey noises*, this is not exactly High Voltage Excitement, but the fact that the last fifteen minutes overdelivers on the gorilla suit content once again proves that age old bit of wisdom...

"ANY MOVIE WITH A GORILLA SUIT IS AUTOMATICALLY A GOOD MOVIE."

*It is noted that the character was not only raised by the gorilla tribe, but also mothered by baboons. Perhaps this is where she learned such ferocity, as gorillas are known to be docile creatures.

[djemsostylist]

Rome, Part 2a: A History Desecrated

Okay, so the title is a little dramatic, but honestly, not that inaccurate. Rome is accurate the way Kingdome of Heaven is accurate--the major events happen, though not in the same way or for the same reasons or even always with the same people as they did historically.

Rome assumes, to it's detriment, that the reader has read about the Roman Empire, and knows what the hell is going on. It also assumes that building any sort of relationship between any of the characters--all of whom had, rather famously, deep, abiding connections that stretched back 30+ years before the events of Rome, is utterly unnecessary. These people had large, extended families, multiple children, relationships with each other and with other, smaller players, who were nevertheless important.

We'll start with the characters I think, to keep things simple. The show focuses on the historical characters of Caesar, Marc Antony, Pompey, Cicero, Brutus, Cato, Cassius (a more minor character), as well as Servilia, Atia, Octavian, and Octavia.

The characters, by and large, bear little to no resemblance to their historical counterparts. Though of course there is always room for interpretation (and bearing in mind that I am hardly an expert in the field), the characters feel less like actual people who once lived and more like clichés. Caesar here is mostly exceedingly British--stiff upper lip, inscrutable, devoid of the charisma and charm that made him so successful. The Caesar of the HBO is not a man who could shame an army into leaving off a rebellion merely by giving them what they wanted. In fact, this Caesar is so unremarkable, that I don't even really have much more to say about him. He exists. He is accompanied mostly by Mark Antony, who here, save Pompey, is probably the closest to his historical counterpart, save for being significantly stupider. This Antony gets no real moments to shine, as most of his savvy moves are preempted by bullying from Atia (who here plays his mistress--his first wife and children do not exist). They even take away his speech at Caesar's funeral--he is entirely portrayed as oafish, boorish, and horny.

Pompey is probably the most accurate, although it's honestly not hard to portray a sad old man at the end of his story, spurred on mostly by the Senate, which is pretty much how he is portrayed here. Cicero is played as a mostly sputtering sad sack (who, like Antony, has no family), and he borders on whiny and weenyish in a way that feels both cliched and grating. Brutus is fine, I suppose, if uninspiring--he exists mostly to be used, much like Antony--his only real convictions occur when someone makes his tummy hurt. Which, while perhaps not wholly inaccurate, just reads like he is a petulant child, driven by the whims of others. The other two anti-caesarians here are Cassius, who is much like Brutus--fine, if uninspiring, and Cato, who here is Cato the Elder, who plays the same character the actor played in the movie Hot Fuzz, so I feel like that says everything really.

If the men are mostly boring clichés with a single, overexaggerated trait, the women are SO. MUCH. WORSE. Atia, here a main character is vain, selfish, cruel, manipulative and self-serving. While the historical Atia is mostly a background player, here, Atia is front and center as she seems to be multiple historical ladies rolled into one (bc Rome seems allergic to having both large families and multiple female characters of the same generation). Servilia, a major secondary character in the show, is vain, selfish, cruel, manipulative, and self-serving. (Are we sensing a theme?) Caesar's third wife exists in approximately 3.5 scenes, but in the moments we see her she is vain, selfish, cruel, manipulative, and, you guessed it, self-serving. Octavia then, is a breath of fresh air! In her role she is portrayed as shallow, drippy, whiny, spineless, and useless, which is a honestly a refreshing change. This Octavia is incredibly stupid, easily manipulated (she has an affair with Servilia who convinces her to sleep with Octavian to pry info out of him, I'm not making this up), and prone to fits of crying and teenagerish whining. Cleopatra then, almost doesn't bear mentioning, but the drugged out, baby voiced, sex pest version somehow makes the other women almost seem to be treated respectfully by comparison. The women of this show, far from caring anything about the republic, society, or the men they should love and support, instead are absorbed in a constant series of catfights and backstabbing, and the plots resemble nothing so much as a Real Housewives of Rome show. The women who are treated the best are the two lowerclass women, the wives of our "heroes", both of whom are only married to their husbands through fear and coercion, and who live in fear of violence and the threat of death, which somehow feels grosser to me than if they were given the same treatment as the other women.

Octavian and his merry band are headscratchers--we spend the entirety of the first season with Octavian, whose only real friend is Titus Pullo (a man hired by his mother) and perhaps the sister he inexplicably sleeps with, only for the second season to start and the narrative to helpfully inform us that he actually has TWO super close friends who we have never heard of before, and oh here they are. The question of when he had time to make and meet these friends is bizarre, but both Agrippa and Maecenas here suffer from the same cliché disease the rest of the men suffer from, which leaves Agrippa some sort of overly saccharine cinnamon roll and Maecenas a bored trust fund baby with slightly strange inclinations. Octavian, after spending three months becoming an entirely different person, remains "smart" in the way writers think smart people work, meaning he knows things he shouldn't, is kind of a freak, and never smiles.

But perhaps the most egregious bit about the historical characters of Rome is the fact that none of them have any sort of relationship at all to each other, let alone their families. The only married couple with children we see on the show is Pompey and his post-Julia wife--literally NO ONE else is married or has kids. At all. Cicero dies alone with only his slave, Servilia dies alone with only her slave, Brutus and Cassius die alone with only their slaves, Atia doesn't die and I guess she does have children, but neither of her children have children (incredibly strange considering Octavia was mother to like, 10 children, biologically, foster, step--you name it), and Antony dies with only two children (his twins with Cleopatra, as here he does not have any children prior, since he was never married to his first wife and Octavia's ONLY CHILD (a girl, named Antonia) is actually Agrippa's.) Half of the Julio-Claudian dynasty just doesn't exist in this Rome.

And neither do any prior relationships. Caesar and Brutus have like, exactly two scenes together, and Caesar and Cicero's scenes are mostly Caesar being a dick and Cicero blubbering. There is no indication that any of these people were friends, had worked together, had love, respect or ANYTHING. The Civil War has basically no feeling to it, because why should it? These people mean nothing to each other, so who cares who lives or who dies?

While I'm generally annoyed at modern interpretations of historical characters, here it feels almost as if the writers had some personal vendetta against them, particularly the women. The way in which the characters are written feels pointed, although I'm hard pressed to figure out what exactly they want us to see. But Rome feels smaller, somehow, and less grand, and more like a story we've seen before, a thousand times, and less the start of one of the most famous empires the world has ever known.

[cryingyetcourageous]

What's a media trop that you can't stand, be it over-played or downright stupid?

Ah, geez... I-I'm kind of nervous to answer this because I worry it might upset some people, especially someone very dear to me (coughcough @sea-enjoyer coughcough) because many of the shows he likes are guilty of this.

...I-I really hate when movies, or especially shows, decide that the best way to prove how smart a character is is by having them be a total ass. According to them, surely someone who is intelligent is constantly annoyed at how inferior everyone around them is and will be rude or condescending for no good reason, right? E-Especially to the kind-but-bumbling side characters that have never once done anything to warrant mistreatment - they get it extra bad because they asked a "dumb question" one time in the pilot episode, so now must be a comedic foil!

What adds to the oddness of it is that most people I know who are exceedingly smart are actually quite socially anxious. It gets hard to know what is and is not common knowledge, so there can be worries about coming across as condescending because it's hard to know how much of things to explain. Usually, when people act like geniuses in shows - aloof, snarky, prideful and the like - they're... they're mediocre at best? They're the sorts who don't know just how much they actually don't know, and aren't humble because of it. Even if they were smart, being smarter than those around you doesn't make verbal abuse charming!

It seems most common in American shows and fairly common in shows from England, but not too common outside of them. I can't help but wonder if it's, you know, a-a side effect of a meritocratic society? The idea that you have earned the right to be a standoffish prick because... because Big Brain. I've heard some animes have this trend, too, but I've never gotten into any series...

[blinkbolt]

Haven’t been on here much bc there are so many good movies out recently that so many of yall on here choose to be exceedingly stupid about ❤️

[raccoonspooky]

Just watched the movie Scare Package because I was just randomly scrolling through shudder looking for movies to watch and genuinely i have not enjoyed a movie so much in such a long time this movie was BIG STUPID and so funny.

I had to ramble my fav parts but I put it under a readmore just in case ur averse to spoilers

There was an ENTIRE scene about a final girl like desperately trying to kill her slasher man and just like dismantling him in exceedingly gory fashions so he would stop getting tf up but then she took off his mask and he was hot and she was conflicted. Girl same???

I think like four people’s heads just full exploded just randomly.

The final boy’s name is Michael Myers and he was SO much.

“Jeez dude! You are deceptively strong!” a guy says while being gently hugged to death and then his guts just kinda plop to the ground.

The movie also KEPT emphasizing dude's asses. Like just zooming in and making you look at dudes asses.

[starsweepers]

i'm not going to say ruffnut is by any means smart. intelligence comes in all forms. but the default portrayals of her in fanon and by the third movie and much of the show are painful because they cross extremely clear boundaries into making her ( and tuffnut ) exceedingly dumb for the sake of comedy relief or to fix really badly written plots ( cough third movie cough ). ruffnut does and will choose some of the more stupid options. she'll be crass and an idiot... but the first movie, gift of the night fury, the second, and even bits of the show all reveal she was never full on incapable of thinking. much of her "stupidity" moments are usually just fights with her twin if we're honest. and her choice of fun. the things she enjoys may not be something inclined to those with common sense but never was this seemingly intended to be a sign of full on uselessness. in the first and second movie, she shows ability to outwit her brother on occasion, taunts ( or flirts with ) the enemy without becoming a hinderance, and in gift of the night fury she approaches meatlug's irrational behavior with more rationality than the resident nerds of the gang. in the show, she's borderline obnoxious for the sake of dumb kid jokes but even then they still make her witty, outsmarting enemies, and while she and tuff happen to cause problems at times, they also prove useful, supporting, and genuinely working hard to do right by the group in the end. it's not uncommon for her to be perceived at an idiot right off the bat, and much of her actions and desires might evade common sense or sensibilities in general, but her ultimate standard of intelligence is actually decent and apparent. her arguments with her brother are childish and inane, of course, but they're teenagers who know how to get under each other's skin. it's practically their love language because they thrive off of it together. it's delightful and funny and dumb, but it doesn't make them without rational capabilities like so many will often label them. and i will forever resent the third movie for butchering the characterization of pretty much everyone, but making ruffnut so unbearably stupid that she's grimmel's only way of finding everyone was just one of the many reasons i found grimmel to be a useless and boring villain with no strengths other than his appearance was cool i guess.

[skamiikaze]

200 Hour Polish Update

*Caveat: I had been studying Polish since around 2020 using mostly traditional methods. If you look, I’ve been in this server for a while so I, in my infinite stupidity, was lazy and didn’t start doing a lot of immersion until this year (despite being pretty obsessed with learning Polish… ik weird ass logic). Which so far, has been 200 hours. Realistically, I don’t know how many hours my total progress indicates but ehh. Before this year my study has mostly just been reading about grammar and reading from textbooks.

What has my immersion consisted of?

watching videos on YouTube (without subs)

listening to podcasts

How much a day / how do I track?

      200 minutes a day (3.3 hrs). At the start I did 60 minutes (1 hr), and then I moved up to 100 minutes (1.6 hrs)

      I track everything with a pen and small notebook. I think it’s more satisfying (and easier for me) to track this way. It boosted my motivation to see pages fill up. I much prefer physical tracking to digital. Personal preference, this is neither good nor efficient so don’t do this lol.

What I’m glad I did / progress I made.

      I started off this year already with a decent level. I could understand basic conversations but sometimes I would have a hard time catching words I knew just because I hardly did any listening. 200 hrs later, I have no trouble at all with that. I can follow more complex lines of thought and discussions. I will say though, I still struggle with stories. I think if I focus on that type of media that will sort itself out. My main focus was just to get good at the subjects I enjoy. I don’t like TV / Movies / fiction at all, so I mostly avoided it. I started off the year with watching My Life as a Teenage Robot, Hilda, and a little Kid Cosmic (never finished it) but I didn’t really want to continue that since I was getting bored. Once I switched to videos and podcasts about subjects I enjoy (history, religion, politics) I found it much easier to go on for long periods of time.

      I now find it much easier to write / think in Polish. My writing is not that great still, but I feel like I’ve made progress. I plan to focus on output more in the future, but I think that I will focus on improving my writing after I start reading more. I need to see good examples of the written word before making serious attempts to replicate it.

      I did no look ups (with some exceptions but for the most part it was exceedingly rare, and when I did it was monolingual). I’m glad I made that choice. Before one of my main barriers to immersion was all of the Anki fiddling and sentence mining / look ups. I am someone who has a hard time getting in the habit of doing things, and a lot of that was a huge barrier to entry for me. I said screw it, and just sat down and watched stuff. Nothing more, nothing less. I think this is one of the best choices I’ve ever made. Besides the executive function matter, I think overall this was more beneficial than If I had managed to do Anki and look ups. I know myself, I would’ve poured over the nuances of a certain word out of context in a dictionary entry. Which in the grand scheme of things, is a massive waste of time. That time is much better spent engaging with content. The word’s I’m „ready to learn” will come to me so to speak. I strongly recommend this strategy. It’s a little uncomfortable at first, but in the long run it’s worth it.

What do I regret?

      Not starting sooner (duh). Seriously though, the main lesson I Learned was to not be so slow to change. I am a very change resistant person, I really struggle to change my routine / try something different. This really has shown me that just getting started is very very worth it. Even if the first few days suck.

      Trying to read books too early. I don’t know why I tried to do this. I don’t particularly enjoy reading in English, so I’m not sure why I tried to force myself to read in Polish, which is obviously harder. My reading era in Polish shall come someday, but I’m not going to try it until I can get into it in English first. If It’s a chore to do I won’t bother with it right now. One of my goals is to read Sienkiewicz but that’s a far off goal. I will let you all know when I get there.

Previous and current level (self assessed, take with a grain of salt)

2C/3 in refold terms (current)

Level of Understanding (before) A2-B1

Level of Output (before) terrible, I shudder at the thought

Level of Understanding (current) B2

Level of Output (current) B1, needs work of course…

Statistics

Start: Sat. Jan 7th

End: Tue. Apr 11th

Jan: 2061 min / 34.4 hrs Feb: 2149 min / 35.9 hrs Mar: 5220 min / 87 hrs Apr: 2459 min / 41 hrs

What now?

      I am going to take a temporary break from Polish to focus on Czech. I will be moving to Prague in the fall so I want to get a bit of a head start (even though I will be learning Czech there anyway as part of my degree program but I plan to use English as little as possible when I get there.) I want to do about 100 hours in Czech and then return to Polish (rather, incorporate both into my routine). Partly because I want to get through the beginner stages of Czech as quickly as possible (with minimal Polish interference) and partly because I want to see how my Polish will fair after a break. Will it improve? Get worse? Stay the same? Remains to be seen. I will provide an update after I do said 100 hours in Czech. The nature of that update again, remains to be seen.

A few words of likely generic advice...

      Don’t be hard on yourself. I know this is almost a cliché at this point, but being overly critical of myself stunted my progress. I was afraid to challenge myself out of fear that I was not ready / I wasn’t good enough.

      Don’t try to optimize everything. It’s impossible. You wont be able to keep perfect records of everything, you wont be able to track every second, you won’t be able to exactly know where you’re at level wise. It doesn’t matter where you are right now, just keep moving forward. Even if you aren’t that far now, if you keep moving you’ll be a lot further along than if you hadn’t moved at all.

Dziękuję serdecznie za uwagę! Czołem ;-)