#this mostly happens with fictional women so it happening with a guy reminded me that i am in fact bisexual. or pan. or whatever.

[ivipl1]

playing thru hl2 still & got to ep1 and i think i may be unhealthily attached to barney calhoun. whcih sucks because he does not show up a lot & im like a sad lost dog wandering around while the game tries to get me to romance alyx

[fernlessbastard]

Opinions on transfem/Trans woman c!Wilbur? If you havent already, since its a slightly popular Hc w c!W

honestly I'm mostly indifferent ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

it's not for me, but like I've got no particularly strong feelings either way. I can absolutely see a lot of reasons for that reading - it all does fit, so it's not a matter of there being no justification, but more so just personally I just don't hold that headcanon

the thing with either of them being trans is that like, I am for some reason oddly attached to Quackity being specifically and strictly a man who's into men, or at the very least masc individuals - maybe it's cause I just started off with that "hc" (I mean it is kinda pretty heavily canon - I don't recall him ever flirting with a woman). Wil being mtf would obviously make all of that very complicated - each time I start to think about it I can't help but think if 1. is there any way for Q to still be into Wil without that invalidating Wil's gender identity 2. is there any way for Q - a gay man - to have feelings for a woman that doesn't invalidate his sexual identity Like, exceptions happen, but mm idk It's obvioulsy completely different if you hc Q as pan/bi/homoflexible/whatever else, but yeah personally I'm just really attached to the idea of Q being strictly homosexual

When it comes to the nonbinary umbrella it's kinda similar (with both being amab) - with Wil it works i'd say, there isn't as much of a conflict with Quackity's sexuality, but again, I'm mostly indifferent and you do you; with Q it just kinda doesn't quite fit for me - idk he just has relatively binary man vibes imo

in regards to other combinations of one/both of them being trans: > Wil's ftm - yeah sure I'm down with that, good for him, I don't actively hc that but like yeah no conflict there, plus I guess it'd explain how he had Fundy - though fantasy mpreg makes it so much funnier > Q's mtf - idk personally i just don't feel it in the slightest. He doesn't really give me any of those vibes. Especially considering things like the fact that he's short, has longer hair, is/used to be a sex worker (with presumably male clients), is heavily (and at the very least primarily, if not exclusively) into men, canonically has a big ass, etc, so it just really doesn't sit right with me to then have him be mtf - I just want some more representation of those characteristics in men for once, y'know? It's just feels like it's perpetuating stereotypes. Of course there is no wrong way to be trans - if you're trans, you're trans, and that is valid and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But we're talking about a fictional character, so if we have a character that's amab, likes men, is a sex worker, is short, has long hair, isn't trying to be this stereotypical "perfect big strong alpha male", is emotionally invested in their romantic life (which additionally is messy), then turning around and saying "woman" just feels like we're just going off stereotypes, and ignoring an example of a great, rare, pretty subversive representation of a man who might come off as feminine at times, but is still fully a man, and all those things that are stereotypically assigned to women and a fem gender identity don't make him any less of a man. Especially the fact that he's into men - it does personally just immediately remind me of all the "a gay man is just a woman" talk (and maybe it's cause I'm from Poland and in my 20s now so i really did grow up hearing those sentiments quite a lot). And obviously i'm not saying that that's what you're doing when you hc Q as mtf, but i am explaining my personal headcanons and reasonings for them, as well as reasoning for why I don't headcanon other things. > Q's ftm - ok so, it fits. And I really really hate that it fits. It would make so much sense but holy fuck guys I cannot handle that ok - I'm ftm, and if he's cis then I can like at least partially remove myself from all of that... but if he's ftm then holy fucking shit everything just hits so much harder like guys I'm not strong enough to handle the pain of seeing this much of myself in him ok I will simply collapse, like him being seen as an object and sexualised and put down and belittled and pressured to be all submissive and shit just hits so completely different if you see it through the lenses of him being ftm and let me fucking tell you I am NOT ready for the breakdown thinking about it and how similar and in some cases identical to my own experiences it all is would cause m > ANYWAY with them both being trans it's just a combination of my previous thoughts as they apply ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

hope that answers your question UwU anyway ha ha bye--/lh

[olderthannetfic]

I'm having difficulty with trying to place some of my fandom's feelings about misogyny in our source materials, GoT and HotD. On the one hand, I can understand how as women, we may not want to be confronted with the pitfalls and dangers of misogyny in the real world in a fantasy story with dragons, but on the other hand, it isn't like GRRM discusses misogyny in the books without tact. Margaery, Sansa, Cersei, and now Rhaenyra all have complicated relationships with gender and power in their own storylines that make sense in the context of the world. And GRRM doesn't shy away from showing the dangers of masculinity, either. Like, how mens' prides can doom themselves, their families, and entire nations, how most of the ones who die in battle are the poor foot soldiers who are usually men. Even how some men, in their pursuit of perfection/reinvention through their sons, harm the rest of their family, like Tywin. Or how there are men who use others that he thinks are weaker than him (sex workers, women, children, the poor) to feel bigger and more important, but their harm doesn't actually improve themselves, so they repeat cycles of hurt.

I don't think people are inaccurate in saying there is misogyny in the books, but this misogyny is purposeful and not accidental. Idk, to me pointing out how Cersei thinks misogynistic things about other women is like pointing out there's racism or homophobia in a Baldwin novel... yes, that's the point. Do you or others think that there's a disconnect between audiences of fantasy and mainstream? Like, with some people just wanting fun escapism but being reminded of the real worldvs. people who just want the story as-is. Because sometimes it sounds like when Anglophone westerners try to make "feminist" retellings of myths like The Iliad about Helen or Briseis, when all it ends up doing is proving that maybe Homer was more conscious of the realities and perspectives of women than they gave him credit for, or that they missed the point of Helen's story to begin with. Sometimes I think modern reviewers/critics get so caught up in pointing out every societal ill without context of the work, that we present discussions of these ills as failing of the work. Any thoughts?

--

A lot of "feminist" retellings are junk that misses the point of the original, sure, but the complaints I've heard about GoT are mostly about "But it's realistic though!" bullshit, particularly about the show rather than the books.

It's realistic for women to face sexual violence. It's also realistic for men to face it. It's also realistic for women to have nice lives.

This is fiction: everything someone chooses to put on page or on screen was just that: a choice.

I haven't consumed any of these canons. In the books' case, I hadn't heard of them back when I read fantasy doorstops by men. I no longer do that unless it's a queer book.

The show broke one of my cardinal rules: female full frontal without equal or greater male full frontal presented equally sexily and GOD DAMN shaved pubes that 1. don't make sense and 2. aren't equally common on men.

I'll watch a rule of horny show, but not if it's aimed at someone else's libido.

--

In the horny premium cable with sex and gore realm, I did watch the first season of Spartacus. That show was campy trash in many ways, and far less critically acclaimed, but it managed to show vastly more male full frontal and a really sensitive depiction of sexual coercion of a big, manly dude and what it did to him emotionally.

Lucy Lawless' horrible slave owner character was fantastically interesting and also shaped by misogyny and the expectations that she was only valuable for bearing an heir. All kinds of awful things happened in that season, but the only time I got the feeling we were there to gawk at tragedy porn or naked bodies, it was men on the receiving end.

--

People see GoT as neutral because they're so used to only seeing media that is by and for straight guys who are used to fapping to women's crying faces and calling it realism.

I can't speak to the books. From what people have said, they sound marginally more thoughtful than the show but still firmly in the Old Guy SFF tradition where "historical realism" upon which one builds one's dragon fantasy realm means abused women, not third gender priests or Muslim travel writers or any of the other underused historical shit you could pull from.

I'll give GRRM that many of the other cliched books are stealing from him and not vice versa, but this trend is more than old enough to predate A Song of Ice and Fire, which wasn't published till 1991.

So no, I don't think it's about escapism. I think it's about being bored of the same old, same old.

[redheadgleek]

January 2024 books!

I had some vacation this month. I also had an entire week when I was stuck at home without internet due to the ice storm. So I read a lot, mostly very light, fluffy comfort read books.

What I read:

Nine Goblins by T. Kingfisher. A novella about war as experienced by goblins. As usual from a TK book, a little gory, a lot witty, with some fun characters.

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. I've read so little of Neil Gaiman's books and I really enjoyed this one. I thought it was quite inventive and I liked how the passing of time was framed.

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry. It's an odd experience reading a book written by a person who has died. He had a lot of mental health problems, and I'm so sad that the medical world failed him so much.

All Systems Red by Martha Wells (audiobook). I read the novella last year and have been wanting to read the whole series, but I had already forgotten details, hence the audiobook. It was a great way of seeing things through Murderbot's eyes. I just got the next book from the library, so that will be my next listen, I think.

Miss Buncle's Book by D.E. Stevenson. A very charming book about a woman who scandalized her hometown by writing a book about them. Reminded me a lot of L.M. Montgomery's short stories.

Lord of the Butterflies by Andrea Gibson. A book of poetry exploring love and family and gender. So much emotion packed into every poem. Truly lovely.

The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett. I've also not read much of Sir Terry's and everybody has recommended the Tiffany Aching series. It was a lot of fun and had some very unique characters.

Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros. This is not high fantasy, but when the frozen world was coming down around me, this was exactly the kind of escape fiction I needed.

Weyward by Emilia Hart. Three stories woven into one about generations of women who are witches. There wasn't anything that really unique about the book, but it had great atmosphere.

An Unexpected Twist by Andy Borowitz. Not sure I should really count an 18 page essay as a book, but I enjoyed this perspective of the medical system from somebody experiencing complications.

Thank You for Listening by Julia Whelan. Okay, it mostly stretched credibility, but I enjoyed the banter between the love interests. And I especially liked the way the MC was dealing with her grandmother's dementia.

Georgie, All Along by Kate Clayborn. I enjoyed this one. I appreciated that while it was a "going home to the small town" trope, it also didn't paint that as solving all of the problems.

Upstream: Selected Essays by Mary Oliver. I started reading this last year and it took me to finish. Some of the essays were gorgeous, some felt unfinished, and others felt like book reports.

The Kiss Quotient by Helen Huang. I nearly DNF at 90% because I was so mad at the "chivalrous" macho possessive behavior of the male character. There was a lot of gender roles and conformity and casual (and not so casual) sexism throughout. Oh the other hand, the sex was plenty and pretty well described.

What I'm currently reading:

Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr. My sister recommended this. I'm about half way through and it's a tale interweaving people from the past and the future. It's at a point where it feels like bad things are going to start happening, so I'm a touch anxious, but it's been excellent so far.

Poverty. by America by Matthew Desmond (audiobook). I'm an hour in and it's utterly horrifying and gutting.

A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. It's a 20 year old book at this time and needs an update, but it certainly makes science understandable.

The Six: The Untold Story of America's First Women Astronauts by Loren Grush.

The Summer Tree by Guy Gavriel Key. I remember reading this in high school and really liking it (while also feeling dirty because there was some swearing and a sex scene in it). This time though? It's obvious he's channeling Tolkien, the writing is painfully stilted and the premise is weak and I've found out that it's a sort of King Arthur retelling, so I'm just not sure about it.

What I plan on reading next:

Emily Wilde's Map of the Underworld, Tom Lake (audiobook), and The Starless Sea are next on my list, I think.

[watermelinoe]

hey! sorry if this is inconvenient but I've been reading about your experience while being febfem and I wanted to ask you for your perspective on something. it's okay if you don't want to answer! also english is not my first language and this is gonna be super long

tw for csa/rape. you can stop here if you want to

I've been having trouble figuring out if I'm a lesbian or bisexual. from 14-18 I labeled myself as bi but I knew I didn't have any sort of attraction to men. I never had crushes on any guy, fictional or irl. I never felt any sort of romantic or sexual attraction to them – actually, quite the opposite, since I was a kid I noticed they caused me dread, disgust or indifference. if any boy tried to approach me the only thing I felt was anxiety and/or anger. it was different with girls. I felt sexual attraction to them, I wanted to be with them, I felt good and excited thinking about them. all of my crushes have been on girls. so, even when I labeled myself as bi, I knew I only had interest in being with women.

by the time I was 19 I was like, okay, that must mean I'm a lesbian. And it felt so nice, figuring myself out. I still like women the same amount; my problem is my possible attraction to men.

this is very difficult for me to talk about but oh well. as a kid I've been sexually assaulted plenty of times, both by other kids (boys) and adult men. they'd touch my genitals or make me touch them and/or hold me in place without letting me go. one of these adult men was especially awful and for some time my brain just deleted everything to do with him when I was 9. but I remembered some time later and I talked to my parents about it (mostly bc I was pretty sure my sisters were also assaulted by him and I was so scared he would come back since he used to be a family friend). my parents, especially my mom, shamed me for it though and treated it as if it were my fault and I had wanted it.

other than that, my first contact with f/m couples during childhood was pretty bad – both inside my house, with other couples I've met and on tv. from my point of view, it was like women were always trapped in awful situations and needed to be submissive. I also tried to ask my mom about it when I was 10/11, but she shamed me again and told the rest of the family I was asking about indecent things.

I don't think about any of this much bc they're very unpleasant memories. but when I was 9/10 I remember that I'd have noncon fantasies with men. I just thought that's how it worked, that's how it'd be. but I'd feel disgusted afterwards. eventually, along with everything else, I stopped thinking about this bc it made me upset. so for quite some time I avoided anything to do with sex bc of the discomfort it caused me, especially since I didn't like boys (and had no romantic interest in them).

(before all of these things happened and before most of these assaults even took place, I already didn't like boys. I remember already feeling dread and indifference towards them when I was 5 - 7 years old, for example).

I only ever figured out gay people existed when I was around 13. and when I was 14 I noticed that *I* could like girls – not only that, I already liked one! she was my closest friend back them and I liked her so so much. for the first time romantic or sexual attraction became an exciting, fun, good thing to me. I had never thought it could feel good.

that's when I started labeling myself as bisexual. like I said, I already knew I didn't like boys, but what if I did like one in the future, right? but it never happened. and then I figured I must be a lesbian.

but last year I Iearned how to properly masturbate. like I said, I never thought back to the things that happened in my childhood bc it made me upset. but very quickly I noticed that masturbating upsets me, bc it reminds me of back then, and also bc the noncon fantasies I used to have when I was a kid came back. only with men, obviously, as I could never imagine being in such an awful situation with women. but I did fantasize about women too and it always felt nice/safe.

I searched about it and people were saying it's normal to imagine those things. but I decided that I didn't like it, it made me feel gross and anxious. my brain once again started to push it all to the back of my mind and for months I didn't think about it. I decided to try masturbating again recently but, even if I didn't imagine anything bad or to do with men, I started feeling like shit again afterwards. for the past few weeks it's been the only thing in my mind and for the first time I decided to willingly think about what happened during my childhood.

I'm almost 21 now and, thinking back, I think my fantasies are all just an response to everything that happened. the only way I've ever imagined myself with men was in situations of assault/rape. knowing what it means hopefully will make it easier for me to heal and create a healthier future relationship with sex and anything to do with it. but I've been thinking, does it really matter that the fantasies were noncon? I still fantasized about guys in a way so that must mean I have at least a slight attraction to them, right? or do I have do try being with a guy before knowing for sure? have I always felt attraction to them and my trauma just got in the way of it?

I've been having a hard time thinking about a possible attraction to men without linking it to assault/rape automatically too. if I do like men, does that mean I like to be assaulted? I can't imagine men in normal, healthy circumstances. even in the fantasies, there was so much disgust and contempt involved. I still feel gross.

I've been reading about the febfem term and, if I do figure out that I feel something for men, I'll definitely go with this label. all of these memories, including the ones from last year, make me upset and I know I don't want to go near guys. but I wouldn't use the lesbian label while feeling some or any sort of attraction to guys, that'd be wrong. it's been somewhat comforting to read you say that you can be bi and not want anything to do with men.

I can't talk about this with anyone in my life but it's been driving me crazy and I just wanted to ask for your perspective. do you think that means I like guys? should I try something with a guy before coming to any conclusions? do you think I could heal from the way I view sex? everytime I think about liking men my mind just goes back to assault/rape, but perhaps that's something I need to heal from?

I cry whenever I imagine liking men, but that could be the trauma I think. maybe I do like guys, but I just don't want to and I'm suppressing it. idk.

I'm sorry if this is too much, I'm just so confused and it's been so painful thinking about these things. I just want to feel okay again and I've been crying for days but I can't seek confort from my friends or family. at this point I just need someone else's thoughts on the situation. it's really okay if you don't want to answer though.

hi anon, i'm going to do my best to give you the kind of answer you're looking for that will be reassuring, but please don't treat me as an authority on your experiences here, on the contrary, i hope you can find a way to make peace with yourself and give yourself the real answer.

i can't tell you whether what you feel for men is attraction or not. from what you've described, i don't think you are attracted to men. these "fantasies" sound like intrusive, internalized self-harming mechanisms stemming from your trauma, that have attached themselves to your sexual development and harmed it. that isn't your fault. for me, early exposure to fetish content warped my sexuality, and i also struggled before coming to terms with my bisexuality - and i still have an unhealthy sexuality tied to that pervasive cultural masochism that's inflicted on girls from a young age. as a result, febfem is the term i feel best describes me, because i like men but i don't like the way i feel when i'm with men. to me it sounds more like you may not like men at all.

you have an even denser web to untangle... but, i want to give you permission not to. i know, it's probably a cyclical thought loop, and you're afraid of calling yourself the wrong thing, but you aren't hurting anyone by using the label that best describes you to the best of your knowledge right now. if, say, ten years from now, you were to suddenly experience genuine attraction to a man, that wouldn't mean you were a liar for ten years. we can only work with the information we have, and finding out you were wrong doesn't make you a bad person.

you also have no obligation to "fix" your reaction to men, except to work on rewiring your libido, because right now it's burdened by intrusive associations with your trauma. but you never have to sleep with men to prove your sexuality. if you were attracted to men, that would be true whether you have sex with them or not, but if you aren't - and to me it sounds like you are not - then you'd be engaging in self-harm.

it's also perfectly fine not to label yourself one way or the other if you feel too conflicted. you know you're attracted to women. you belong in spaces for same-sex attracted women. you are not hurting anyone by being in lesbian or bisexual spaces in order to understand yourself better. i think being around other women, online or in real life if you can, will be much more rewarding for you than being with men. you don't have to have all the answers right now. focus on what makes you feel safe and happy.

i wish i could offer more resources for your past trauma, to help you heal your sexuality so you can have a healthy sex life (masturbation included) free of thoughts that upset and disgust you. maybe some of my followers have similar experiences or recommendations for material that can help? i'm wishing you all the best, anon.

[aseriesofunfortunatejan]

I keep forgetting to write my thoughts about Part 8 (Jojolion). I don't have anything in particular to talk about, but as a resident Part 7 hater (/ex), I feel like I should give my poor followers an idea what my opinions are this time around.

I will try my best to make what follows spoilers free, however, it will include Part 6 (Stone Ocean) spoilers. Further Parts spoilers will be under the cut.

I clearly enjoyed it a lot better than Part 7. I kept dropping Part 7, which is not super typical of me (and didn't match how I enjoyed Part 6 either), and I had to regularly force myself to stop reading Part 8. I wish it could have been longer, because like other people pointed out, the ending wound up feeling a tad rushed.

I think Part 8 particularly shined at the start. I was pleasantly surprised to find out this part everyone always refused to tell me a single thing about was actually - and simply - a Mystery. The initial mysteries made brilliant use of the pre-conceived notions the reader would definitely have from having read or watched Part 4 in the past. Although I'm not fond of "canon AUs" which is exactly what everything past Part 6 is, Part 8 didn't have constant reminders of that element, and as I just said, made good use of its renewed use of a certain setting and certain characters. The "main family" of new characters also highly benefited from this format.

Unfortunately, this good use of mystery sort of weaned out as time went and the main mission was made clear. That being said, I enjoyed the specific placement/rhythm of certain flashbacks that revealed the truth about a certain mystery to the reader.

I liked Jousuke (I don't even know why people call him Gappy and at this point I'm too afraid to ask, so what I'm using to differenciate him from the first Josuke is a supplementary U... a wonder, truly), and I wish his - and everyone else's - definite autism remained obvious throughout the story. Yeah!! Fight me about it!!! He's a sweet and a strong little guy.

I was a bit underwhelmed by Yasuho, but not everyone can be Jolyne, so it's fine, I guess. She's nice, and her relationship with Jousuke is very pleasant. I think she's realistic and her "not so bizarre" experience is not an uninteresting addition to the story. You eventually get a glimpse of what was bizarre beneath the surface, and it's giving me food for thought. It did bother me how easily she was just sexually harassed or even assaulted - the justification is weak, and I don't like how casually this just. Happens. To fictional characters who happen to be women.

The following will contain spoilers for Part 8.

I was mostly underwhelmed by the ending. If the Kira family had to lose everything, I wish it could have been a bit more... ... or just, addressed at all. I definitely see how the ending scene, with the Higashikata family, is bittersweet, and I actually like that aspect - how Jousuke is included too. I think a stronger image of both Yoshikage and Kei, maybe in the past, had been shown. (If Part 8 ever gets animated, please give me this, the way Foo Fighters was added at the end of Part 6 👍 thanks.) Rai, too, but I definitely feel like there's an obvious reason to include an implication of how Yoshikage would have felt about this. (Which could be passionating, by the way. Though I'm obviously biased - was he ready to give up everything when he sacrificed his life to free Josefumi? Did he understand there was no winning then? I would take a short image of Yoshikage accepting Part 8's tragic outcome!)

Kei? Btw? Bestie they gave you nothing. What the fuck.

Something that is missing about Kaato, who is a very interesting character, is information about whether she was blindsided by the Higashikata family's curse. Did she know it before marrying Norisuke, or before getting pregnant with Joubin? Or was she only told when it was too late? I think whether she was blindsided or changed her mind should be an important part of characterisation. Both can make for great stories.

I guess for my own mental health, I will try to ignore the well-known loose ends in this part. Though I'm curious how they wound up being left behind - if Araki was genuinely rushed, or if he changed his mind about having certain things be canon, etc. (Karera bothers me... When did she take that photo. Where did she go. What)

Hato was literally the only nice person in the Higashikata family, lol. I'm curious how Norisuke, who's characterised as literally. Nice. Managed to raise such bad kids.

I might just be getting bored of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure's tendency to end on a rather extreme bittersweet note. "So many people die, but there's some good 😊" The bad often outweighs the good to me, and maybe it's just getting old. Though it could be interesting to compare how Part 7 ended, with the Jojo protagonist "winning" while Gyro lost it all, to how Part 8 did, with the Jojo protagonist actually losing his fight, while someone else gets the "win". Or maybe both stories just want to say that the Higashikata family keeps winning.

I think that's all I have to say for right now? I mean, I've made it obvious I fell in love with Kira, right? Don't ask me why, I don't know.

I really liked the little doodles in between chapters.

Like I mentioned in some tags earlier today or yesterday, I was thinking of representing Jousuke as a fusion in a Steven Universe style, but having finished the story, I think he's more so "if Greg also had to die to give birth to Steven." They're GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNEEEEE!

Lucy is bestie... ... ... oh and Johnny deserved that. Idiot

Oh yeah, and Tooru was definitely a character. I think Yasuho's point of view of him interests me more than he does at the moment.

[ultramaga]

Yeah, I noped out with the transition. The closer the series moved to realism, the more I remembered what it was like. Quite a few girls got pregnant, almost every girl told me proudly they would be chaste then had sex a few years later when their hormones kicked in, some even while away at the christian camps, and there were serious assaults involving broken bones and even knives to the throat. Real life was not fun and I didn't want to be reminded of it. I saw drug use everywhere, mostly mild like cigarettes, but stuff like huffing went on. I will say the cannabis use was surprising sane compared to the rest of it. And people died. I don't mean of evil wizards. One arsehole managed to drown himself in the river he threatened to push me into. There was an assembly and we were told to mourn. I certainly didn't. Another time, there was a girl used to pester me for attention. She died from an asthma attack. I didn't realise it until then but I liked her. I just wish she had approached me in a normal fashion but maybe she was shy. I saw serious sex, drugs and violence, and that was in a pretty safe school in a pretty safe suburb. I also saw bikies that later committed serious murders, and got to know the child of one very well. She was traumatised, but I was too young to understand what was going on. So when it was a fun romp, that was great. When she tried to make it YA, it was totally sanitised. Sorry, but there was no girls being bitches for the fun of it? All the evil kids were in one house? You'd just expel the house. If evil actually worked that way, life would be simple. It doesn't. One guy, not naming names, pretty much openly sexually a girl in public. She decided she liked him. They were both top students, important and intelligent, but they acted like stereotypical cavemen.

I mean, I had known her for years, quite a few decent blokes had tried to get with her but she turned them all down, then this guy acts in exactly the way she says she despises - and she decided that was hawt. Later, after the relationship ended, she became a dour feminist and wrote feminist books, I believe. Which is one of the reasons I am terribly cynical of the feminists who denounce male sexual aggression, then frantically jill to stories of werewolf pack rape. If you listen to them, you end up understanding women less and less. Look to what they actually DO. And that drug use was more serious than I knew at the time. One guy I was friends with somehow managed to become a heroin addict. I don't know how he afforded it, or how he managed to cope with high school, maybe he was casual enough to cope or had a very pure source. But he went downhill for years after, then straightened out and managed a successful life. None of that was in the YA Harry Potter. Evil was external, simple. There were no troublesome sex or drugs or diseases. Hell, I remember hearing of how some at school acquired herpes. They were just kids, and now they would have that for the rest of their lives. And some shitty bastards spread it and didn't care. I think there was a scandal about a man doing that to his daughter, from memory. So when it changed to YA, I disconnected. Because the gap between reality and a fantasy is fine so long as you keep it fantastic, but make it realistic and you have to make the characters realistic. Which means Hermoine hooking up with a teacher, or some of the lads going drink driving on a regular basis. Or some kid that sits alone because his parents abuse him and he's afraid to tell anyone about it.

In fact, there's almost no YA fiction that rings true to me because it is written to be approved of by parents who want to pretend that none of that is happening - when the truth is kids need to know how it happens, they need to know that even if the government lies about how dangerous cannabis is, that doesn't make amphetamines safe.

A 13 year old needs to know that the good girls and boys may still be doing things that will fuck up their lives later. They need to know that the bad boys and girls may be acting out and when high school ends, they will suddenly become decent human beings. And they need to know that some who are rewarded and held in high esteem are genuine sociopaths. Evil doesn't have a moustache and tie maidens to train tracks. It slowly encourages a girl into anorexia, or ambushes a boy and pushes him into a river. And rarely, oh too rarely, it drowns in that river itself.

Grown men yet to learn what a children’s fantasy novel series is. More at 11

[chellyfishing]

so last week for our movie night we watched bullet train and barbarian, two movies that went totally off the rails (no pun intended) in completely different ways. it reminded me of another movie we watched a month or two (?? i forget) ago, do revenge. anyway i kinda wanted to analyze the three of them just for like... fun?

i’m not going to spoil what happens in any of them but i am going to say way more about barbarian than a person should know going into it so if you still intend to see that, avoid.

(we also finished the first season of white lotus yesterday and i won for figuring out who the dead person in the beginning of the first episode was.)

let me start off by saying i’m not a movie person, i can’t really analyze things in terms of cinematic language, mostly what i understand is plot, story, character--writing things. so that’s where i’m coming from on this.

so i guess what ties the three together for me is the amount they escalate. all of them just absolutely rocket off the scale by the end compared to where they started. for do revenge, you think you understand the scale of the escalation until like the third act when everything just kinda fuckin explodes. for bullet train, it’s just a constant escalation as more and more things are thrown into play. and for barbarian, you get a huge spike at the end of act one, and then it craters again until act three.

do revenge i saw a little further back than the other two so i don’t remember it as well and am therefore not going to be able to talk about as much. the obvious comparison is strangers on a train, which is of course deliberate, but the twist to the latter was that one guy was serious and the other wasn’t. that’s not the twist here. it’s not an “i made a little oopsie joking with a dude i met at complete random.” this fully commits to the messiness of everything about revenge and the cycles it creates. and it skews younger than either of the other two films, so this is is a skip if you don’t like teen nonsense, or unlikable characters. do watch if you support women’s rights and women’s wrongs.

bullet train reminded me a lot of a quentin tarantino or a shane black in tone. i don’t think it’s as smart or sophisticated as either of those, but it’s like a spiritual cousin. and let me be clear, i like quentin tarantino films in spite of myself. and even then it’s mostly like, the kill bills (one watch of pulp fiction was more than enough for me). bullet train, while an EXTREMELY sexist movie, doesn’t feel as fetishistic about it, and there’s no fuckin sexual assault. it’s sexist in the way like 20th century action films would sort of take for granted. there are fully two fridged women backstories (it’s the same thing for both of them, it’s the same backstory) and zero living sympathetic women. i still liked this movie a lot. another comparison i could make is hot fuzz, though again, it is nowhere in the same LEAGUE as that, but what makes them similar is that everything in the beginning of bullet train is setup and everything at the end is payoff. i like a story that keeps track of its own nonsense, and bullet train does a really good job of that. it is frequently very unsubtle about it! but there was one brick joke that absolutely floored me and i’m still laughing about it days later. skip this movie if you care about like, nuance and craft, or if you’re someone who has no patience for a delayed payoff. (i would watch this movie with my mom, but i also know she’ll be going “well i don’t like that this happened!!!” in a way that’ll have me going, mom. mom. just watch. just keep watching.) do watch if you want surprisingly likable characters, bright colors, loud noises, and just a good time.

barbarian... the comparison i want to make here is romeo and juliet. no no hear me out!! so in romeo and juliet, you know how the guy comes out at the beginning and is like, actually what you’re about to watch is a tragedy and everybody fuckin dies? it’s because the first part of the play is written like a romantic comedy before it switches genres around act iii. in barbarian, the genre shift is only noticeable in hindsight: the beginning was, in fact, a romantic comedy! but it was written like a horror because the whole film is a horror and they couldn’t have a guy come out and say “the first part of this feels like a romantic comedy but you’re actually here for a horror.” there is still a bait and switch, but that comes from the fact that the horror is a totally different kind to what you were expecting, and coming from a totally different place. unlike the first two, there is a lot of building tension and you will spend most of the film thinking, what the fuck is going on? don’t watch this movie if you don’t like being jerked around by the narrative or if you’re one of those people who gets mad if someone in a horror movie does things you don’t think you would do in their situation. do if you like horror and wanna get a little bit fucked up!! content warnings for off-screen sexual assault.

anyway i liked all these movies in different ways. strangely i think the one i’m least likely to revisit is barbarian, which sucks bc i got a second copyright strike from my isp for downloading it (it’s streaming on disney+ so ofc). it didn’t click with me as much as i was hoping it would, probably a typical case of “everyone talked about how it was so good and i went in with my expectations too high.” whereas for the other two i had zero expectations and ended up being surprised by how fun and over-the-top they were. maybe for that reason i should watch barbarian again, in order to reassess it. i guess i will probably do that.

[seoracle]

DRIVERS LICENSE; i

Pairing: Bang Chan x Idol! Gender Neutral Reader

Genre: Fake Dating! AU, Angst, Lovers to Enemies(?), Occasional Pining, Comedy, S for potential smut(??)

Summary: Y/N has become an overnight sensation with ‘Drivers License’, Breaking records left and right...But what if the press gets wind of the ill-matched lovers and their company decide it’s the perfect attention ploy?

Word Count: 3.2K

Warnings: Swearing (a lot near the end), Drinking mention

A/N: this was meant to be a drabble... now it’s becoming a series...i’m sorry

“...and the winner of Inkigayo today is...Y/N with ‘Drivers License, Congratulations!”

You step towards the center of the stage and take the trophy and bouquet from a rookie idol, who flashes a bright smile at you, but you can see the envy in his eyes. You once had that same hunger and ambition that he seems to reek of, it’s a reminder of how far you’ve come.

Taking the mic, you begin to sing a more sultry and edgier vibe than usual, which seems to gather more screams from fans than usual. You remember what Seulgi taught you and gaze at the camera lens with a subtle pout, trying to capture the angst of the song in your gaze.

It feels ridiculous, feigning emotions you no longer feel, singing a song you begged the company not to put out in a corset fitted shirt that’ll leave your ribs sore and reddened. It’s pathetic and cliche, you quite literally sold your soul (well, heart) for fame. 

“Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street…”

Everyone behind you waves at the camera, signalling the show is ending. You leave last, taking several confetti bits for your scrapbook, which is the only thing keeping you from remembering this is all real. 

Backstage, Iris and San are waiting in your dressing room, they greet you with proud grins and slaps on the back. 

“Well, if it isn’t miss twelve...no, thirteen wins in two weeks.” San praises, enveloping you in a hug.

“Could be thirteen by tomorrow~” Hums Iris in a sing-song tone.

A groan leaves your lips, while slumping into an uncomfortable chair. You tune out their excited plans for your makeup and hair tomorrow, San says something about an end of year Award show.

All you want is to go home to your empty dormitory and sleep.

When you finally arrive to the ‘comfort’ of your ‘studio apartment’ (box room), it isn’t long before you strip down to your pyjamas and aggressively rub off the layers of makeup that seem to cling to every pore and fine line of your face. The cold air from the fan soothes the aching of your body from your strict workout routine. You stay awake until 4am, reading comments from netizens and replying to fans on your fancafe, it  was hard not to become obsessed with checking what people thought; whether they loved or loathed you.

[+184 -93] Y/N is talented, but they look devoid of emotion since last week...maybe singing a song so personal isn’t a good idea….what if the person it’s about hears it…..

User FYL**8 was right, it had become draining trying to convey emotions you’d long let go of. Your debut song was fresh and fun, it didn’t garner much attention but at least you hadn’t had to fake emotions and relive your first heartbreak.

Although the memories of the breakup didn’t hurt as much, the happiest ones were the most painful. The feeling of ignorance, thinking he meant forever and believing him completely...it was all so distant yet felt a fingertip away.

That night you slept with a heavy heart, remembering what it felt like when he’d hold you close and right and kiss you on the head to soothe your worries. Why did it have to end? Why like that? You try to drift into a nice sleep after another exhausting day but to no avail, thoughts of him are flooding every thought. Has he heard it? There was no way he hadn’t, he loved to check out every ranking song for inspiration or for another artist to add to his monthly playlist. 

Would he get angry? Sad? Laugh at your pathetic feelings? He was right in the end, when it came down to it you only shared your feelings when it was too late.

Stupid Christopher fucking Bang.

It wasn’t often you’d refer to him as Chan, you had met him when he only saw it as another name for himself that he hardly used. Back when his hair had been fluffed up curls that he couldn’t contain and his light freckles weren’t covered by BB Cream. When he didn’t belong to the world and only loved you.

After months of forcing yourself not to, you hastily search “Stray kids Bang Chan + Y/N”, Then “Stray Kids Y/N” and finally “Skz Y/N”. The results are minimal and far inbetween, mostly tweets from fans wishing for a collab and oddly enough one person making edited photos of you and them, which are so convincing you have to remind yourself you hadn’t met them.

Thoughts drift to his friends, the ones who didn’t know Chris was even seeing someone and had been for over a year. They tried to sugarcoat it, say they forgot, it’s hard to keep track when you’re training and all that. 

The sinking feeling you felt when Minho asked how long you’d been together, guessing a month at most. When you did reply, ears burning with embarrassment he coughed and muttered “Oh.’, That had stung.

Everything had seemed so perfect, until you opened your eyes and saw it for what it was.

You don’t end up sleeping much, two hours at most, Then it’s time to get ready and head to the Broadcast Studio for today’s event. All you know is it’s a show about giving advice, the reviews aren’t great but you aren’t allowed to turn anything down because fame is a double-edged sword that you can barely grasp as is.

Iris and San are already waiting for you when you get there, within minutes makeup is being patted into your skin and your outfit is laid out on the chair next to you.

“Sleep more, Y/N-ah, I had to use a double coverage concealer to hide your dark circles.” Iris said in a fretful tone.

“I try, it’s hard being famous.” You reply jokingly, flipping your hair the best you can. Iris smacks your hand away and frantically finds her hairspray.

Within twenty minutes you’re dressed and not one hair is out of place, San pulls you aside with an uncharacteristically stern face. 

“The company have specific goals for sending you here, they want you to delve into a story of heartbreak to comfort today’s victim, while keeping anonymity and remaining as vague as you can.” 

Of course, even a show about helping others is fictional.

You nod solemnly and prepare to go on air, sitting on a cushion next to a popular comedian who doesn’t bother to even look at you. A well-known Streamer is on your other side and you begin polite small talk, which seems to irritate the host.

“We’re on in 3,2….1!” A sharp click follows the director’s queue and the host bursts right into the introduction.

After you’re introduced it’s easy to tune out, you couldn’t give a shit about that stuck-up comedian and the actress to their right. Instead you think of how the fuck you’re supposed to conjure up an emotional performance with little to no time to prepare.

‘My ex-boyfriend hid me for almost two years’ no, not even worthy of a cheap gossip magazine. ‘I thought my boyfriend loved me, turns out he loved his career more’ Maybe...but you sound too needy. 

“Today’s guest is Lee Chaeun of Suwon! Tell us your story, please.” 

You turn to look at the guest who walks onto the set and sits at the head of the pillow mats. She’s clearly a young girl, her baby face is covered by face-framing layers of shiny black hair and her eyes are already glassy.

“Last year, I began dating my crush after years of admiring him from afar...Everything seemed so perfect until last week….He dumped me by text message saying he needed space and now he’s with someone new..” Chaeun bursts into tears and the host fakes a sympathetic face and passes her a box of tissues.

“Ah, you’re young...you don’t know anything yet. This is a normal phase for teenagers, men realise themselves and break girls down so they become beautiful women. It’s just a case of a little girl not wanting to grow up!” Chimes in the Comedian, who talks about his falsities as if they’re facts.

The audience erupts into laughter and the heartbroken teenager lowers her head in embarrassment. Which only makes you more enraged, Who told that guy he was funny?

“Chaeun has every right to be upset!” You exclaim, cutting through the laugher like a hot knife. “When a relationship ends when everything seems alright for one person, it's cruel. Being blindsided isn’t a joke. It hurts and she deserves closure, and to move on someday to a better person..What happened to her shouldn’t happen to anyone!”  You barely register a gentle hand on top of yours, far too surprised by the fact there are tears dripping down your face. Crying wasn’t an option, so you pull yourself together and apologise to Chaeun and the host you cannot stand.

“Y/N, You seemed personally moved by Chaeun’s story, have you experienced a painful breakup?” The host asks curiously.

“You could say that,” You begin with a wry smile. “I was with someone who lived a double life, they were completely different when they were with other people...Things ended when I was still planning for future dates...it made me realise how fake they were.”

The guests all nod and you squeeze Chaeun’s hand, she smiles at you seeming relieved that she isn’t the only one who has felt this kind of pain. 

Everything goes smoothly after that, other guests chime in and the actress that seemed snobby is openly discussing her ex vomiting all over her Valentinos. You can’t help but wonder if the company really suggested this, or if it was divine intervention (Choi San, your manager). 

You don’t feel so alone anymore, everyone is guaranteed several things, two being love and heartbreak of some kind. 

“Thanks to singer Y/N and actress Sojung, Chaeun was able to feel a little better...Thank you for joining us on ‘Help No Counsellor!’, Join us next week when…’

“Choi San, you sneaky bastard.”

He tries to act surprised but a shit-eating grin soon overtakes his acting, Iris shakes her head and zips her makeup bag closed. It isn’t long until you’re all at The Min’s enjoying red bean bread and warm tea.  “What does inept even mean? I’m assuming it’s a good thing because Wooyoung kissed me after saying it.” San mentions, his lips curving upwards at the fond memory.

“I’d have to agree with Woo, it fits you perfectly.” You reply, circling around his question while Iris tries not to choke on her food.

Fits of laughter die down when you spot a familiar face, Lee Mijoo. 

Her blonde hair flows down her back in loose curls and her soft eyes seem to enchant everyone, admittedly even you for a short time.Behind her is a slightly taller figure dressed in all black and your stomach drops.They don’t seem to notice your presence, so you decide to use this valuable time to hide behind a menu. 

San and Iris try to play along best they can, but it is quite distressing that all of this has happened so suddenly, with no prior warning. But he did bring you here, a lot. So it’s amusing to see his date ideas haven't changed. 

As he’s walking past you he pauses, and you want to shrivel into a hole and die, He’s clearly recognised you but can’t be 100% sure due to The Min’s menu covering your entire face. 

“Y/N?” 

Shit. You cannot hide from this.

Slowly taking the menu away and placing it down on the table you smile at him, maybe a little too forced but it’s the best you can do. His hair is blonde now, his curls are long gone but his smile is as genuine as ever. 

Stupid Christopher Bang and his stupid ‘I-totally-didn’t-break-your-heart’ attitude.

“Chan, nice to see you. Still obsessed with their double shots?” You humoured, he seemed grateful for that.

“Oh, absolutely...and I see you’re still not saving any bean bread for anyone else.” 

You laugh, it’s a bittersweet one at best but nevertheless it’s a laugh.

'Well it’s great to see you again, I’d love to exchange numbers if that’s alright?” 

Without thinking you nod and oblige him, much to your friend’s disappointment which is evident by their glares. Mijoo exchanges smiles with everyone, who could hate her? She was funny, kind hearted and beautiful in every aspect. 

When they finally leave to their outside seats you breathe a sigh of relief and sink into the chair.Iris strokes your hair and San grabs more snacks to go, the walk home isn’t peaceful. It’s awkward and silent, which only makes your head spin more. When you drop off Iris you know a lecture is coming, San hates doing it but you know he tells you what you need to hear, even if it hurts.

“Look, I’m happy you were able to brush off all the hurt today but earlier on you were crying about….this. Don’t give him the power to hurt you twice.”

“You’re right, thanks Sannie.” You reply, taking his arm and smiling at the warmth of his (Wooyoung’s) fuzzy coat. 

Once San leaves and you get inside, it’s a matter of minutes before you hop in the shower and get rid of all the hairspray and mascara that’s been making you itch all day. The warm water soothes away your nerves and the impending frostbite from being outside in the cold for far too long. 

Once you feel clean and somewhat scalded you step out onto warm fluffy towels (cheap warm fluffy towels with holes in them) and get situated for bed.

Just as you exit the bathroom your phone rings and you answer immediately, it’s probably Iris wanting you to play a new Among Us mod with her. 

“Iris?”

“Uh, no, Chris.” 

“Oh.” is your initial reply, why would he call you at midnight?

“Where you asleep? I’m sorry I’ll call back another ti-”

“No!” You interject, much too eagerly. “No...it’s fine. I’m not even in bed yet.”

“Oh” He sounds relieved, much the opposite of you.

“I just wanted to congratulate you...The song, it’s great. What’s it like actually singing one you wrote?”

“Great,” You admit with a smile he can't see, “It feels...genuine. I Couldn't stand the thought of giving the song away.”

“I can see why.” He replies in an unreadable tone.

“Did it make you uncomfortable? Me singing...about-”

“No, why would it?” He cuts in, he sounds slightly agitated.

“Look, Chan, I’m sorry. I should’ve texted you, well I did but you changed your number. But it’s my story too, okay? I needed to heal somehow.”

Minutes pass with no answer, as if he’s trying to think of exactly what to say without getting more irritated or to spare your feelings.

“When did I become Chan?” His voice comes out wavering,and it hurts you.

“That’s what everyone calls you now, you’re not just Chris the trainee anymore.” You reply in a gentle way, trying to ease the building tension.

“But to you, when did I stop being Chris?”

“Probably when you broke my heart,” You deadpan, before adding a ‘kidding’ and bullshit reason.

“You weren’t kidding, but you broke mine too. Don’t make me the bad guy.”

This had taken you aback, you had been in a perfectly happy relationship for almost two years and then he changed his mind, said he wasn’t happy and it wasn’t your fault. When the fuck did you break his heart?

“When exactly did that happen?” You query, “Before or after Mijoo?”

Chan lets out a dry laugh, “Don’t talk about what you don’t understand.”

“Well what does it matter? You never told me shit anyways.” You snapped.

“That’s because you wouldn’t fucking listen. Maybe to you it was all sunshine and roses but I was struggling, I changed and outgrew us. I didn’t want to but you were stuck in dreamland where we’d debut at the same time and live happily ever after. I realised it wasn’t going to happen and set you free so you wouldn’t be embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed?” You bark,”Fucking embarrassed of what exaclty? I left that shithole you call your company by choice and worked my way up. I’m not embarrassed, but you should be. You’re a fucking sellout Christopher Bang.”

Before he can reply you end the call and throw your phone at the wall, it would’ve broken only for the forty dollar case the store assistant convinced you to buy. You burst into tears just like you had that night when it all came crashing down. He must’ve loved seeing you in pain, because he keeps doing it even now.

That night, you wish for everything to go back to a time before him and the heartbreak that followed.

It’s early on a Friday when you’re called into a board meeting with the CEO, Director and San, who looks like someone stepped on his clay masterpiece. You still haven’t been told anything and as the minutes pass by you wonder if they found out about you getting drunk at Club Suran several weeks back. What if someone saw San there too? What if–

Suddenly the doors open and in walks JYP’s CEO, followed by several others and finally Chris. He looks as confused as you, but you quickly look away before he spots you. Last night was still fresh in your mind and you didn’t need anymore reminders or conversations with him.

“Dispatch has sent us several photos of you two together, spanning several years.” Your CEO announces, an Executive pulling the photos up on the screen behind her. “Including one from yesterday.”

“That was a coincidence, we broke up a long time ago.” You admit, she seems satisfied with your answer and nods, which makes you remember that damned dating ban you have.

“Usually, we’d shoot down these rumours immediately...but this could be quite beneficial to both Stray Kids and Y/N.” JYP’s CEO adds, “Stock prices have shown a rise for both of your albums, and real time searches are at an all time high.” 

“I have a girlfriend.” Chan states, arms folded. “So that’s out of the question if you’re implying we fake a relationship.”

“Look Bang Chan,” Begins one of the Advisors, “It’s all for show, we’ll plan every detail and your girlfriend will keep her mouth shut if she knows what's good for her. Frankly, our sales aren't what they used to be and you need this, if you want complete musical and artistic control.”

Chan takes a while to think, you know this is all he’s wanted. Control over everything he and the boys put out there, with no censorship or edits by anyone else. Your CEO assures you you’ll also benefit from the agreement, including your debt fully cleared and money in your bank account as soon as you sign on the dotted line.

“How long does this last?” You ask, pen in hand.

“Twelve months, then you’re free again.” 

Chan looks to you for conformation and you ignore him, signing it and standing up to leave. You only stop to sign more formalities and then you and San head back to your local coffee shop. 

“Well, you sure have a funny way of moving on.”

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Book Review: The Well at the World’s End

I wanted to take this time to gush about an old and obscure epic fantasy that inspired J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings.  The Well at the World’s End by William Morris

Years ago, I wrote a list of fantasy fiction that predated (most of them) Tolkien. You can read that post here. At the time, I was really getting into epic fantasy that was written like Tolkien. I didn’t appreciate Tolkien when I was little but revisited it after college and I wished there was more out there like The Lord of the Rings. I wanted that “old timey” feel like Tolkien. It just hits differently from modern high fantasy. Background: William Morris (1834 - 1896) was mostly known for his textile designs, but he was actually the first person to write what became known as “high fantasy”. Scholars consider him the precursor to Tolkien, and both Tolkien and C.S. Lewis had read his work during college and were inspired by him. Before The Well at the World’s End, Morris wrote The Story of the Glittering Plain and The Wood Beyond the World. I had read the latter before reading The Well at the World’s End. While The Wood Beyond the World was great, it left me wanting more, as it was light and basic. It had a few unanswered questions and the world-building was not strong. The Well at the World’s End is Morris’s magnus opus. Originally published in one volume, it was later published in two. The books are not exactly out of print but you can’t find them in your average Barnes and Noble, or even used bookstore. The most common version, which is the one I own, is part of the Ballantine Adult Fantasy Series (pictured above). Story: Everything starts in Upmeads, a small but lush kingdom where nothing much really happens. The four sons of King Peter, Ralph being the youngest, are bored of their lives and wish to go out and seek their fortunes. They ask their father for permission. King Peter agrees, but states that one son must remain to take care of them, the castle, and to ensure an heir. They do this by drawing straws, and unfortunately Ralph draws the shortest one. 

Seeing his brothers leave, Ralph quickly goes back on his word. He sneaks off and ventures into the world to find his fortune.  From there, the story is nothing short of entertaining. There is not so much magic (sorry, no fantasy creatures) as there is high adventure and derring-do. Ralph gets caught up with bandits, two rival towns, a mysterious woman rumored to be immortal, and a quest for the fabled Well at the World’s End (which is always written in all-caps to remind readers like in a Zelda game). And you will definitely see the influences it had on Tolkien with a horse named Silverfax and a character named Gandolf.   Out of context, it might sound like a stereotypical fantasy novel, but I still found myself surprised by all the ups and downs throughout the story. There is one moment in the book that hands-down shocked me. I thought it was going one way but it went another. The thing about this book that broke the mold for fantasy was Morris’s world-building. Until this book, hardly anything before had a fully developed fictional universe. There was no such thing as “world-building” back then. Fantasy tales were typically one-off stories with, at best, vague backstories. Keep in mind - this was published in 1896. Lord Dunsany would not enter the scene until the 1920′s. The fact that such an entertaining story has become so obscure is practically a sin.  One thing that struck me about this story was that it felt oddly...progressive for its time? The mysterious woman aforementioned is often caught in the middle of men and women who hate her and judge her, essentially “slutshaming” her. Ralph instead hears her out, passes no judgment, and kindly protects her. Throughout the story, she is constantly plagued by what I recognize as “nice guys” - knights who vow to protect her but then turn against her the moment she refuses their advances. There is also a later scene with natives described as “swarthy”. They are in no way depicted in an offensive manner and in fact live peacefully. The natives claim they have no desire to drink from the great well that grants youth, for they understand the natural order of things and do not covet eternal life. I found that incredibly interesting for a book released in 1896. Of course though, there are still some dated aspects, maybe more intentional callbacks to the chivalrous age, but nothing at all cringeworthy. A quick search on William Morris will show you that he was a diehard socialist and interested in a utopia, so some of those ideals definitely bleed into his fictional world. Prose: This is probably the one thing that might deter modern readers. Morris’s writing style hearkened back to medieval times. It is written as if you were reading something like Mallory’s Le Morte d’Arthur. There are a lot of archaic words you are going to have to Google. Many of the character speak in a fanciful manner. Despite this, if you take it slow and just relax while reading it, you will be fine understanding everything. Tolkien’s inspiration is evident in Morris’s elaborate description of the journey that Ralph takes. Ralph visits cozy hamlets and men of the cloth, converses with many side characters, and Morris goes into great detail about the people who live in the cities and their buildings and the surrounding landscape.  There were really only two parts of the story I did not understand, so I had to reread slowly to get it. The characters and the narration have a roundabout way of describing what happened. But the funny thing is I found much of the dialogue to be very quotable. Something about that felt modern too. The writing was intentionally archaic but the witty banter made it feel modern.

Verdict: Oh my God. There is virtually nothing wrong I can say about this book. This surprised me. I love reading old and obscure things but have definitely felt their age. Sometimes they’re clunky and other times they simply did not age well. Usually these old novels that broke the mold and started a new genre were more concerned with the genre itself than the story. Not with this. I ate it all up from beginning to end and it was beautiful and breathtaking. It really feels like a precursor to Tolkien. If you are a fantasy fan in the same vein of Tolkien, PLEASE give this a read. You will not be disappointed. And go look for more of Morris’s work! I’m pretty much sold after this and The Wood Beyond the World, so I’m set on reading everything he wrote. The best part? William Morris’s work is all in the public domain. You can go ahead and read The Well at the World’s End here! On a personal note, some things in this story (and in The Wood Beyond the World) really felt eerily similar to the fantasy stories I attempted (still attempting) to write when I was a teenager. Ralph’s quest, the heroes he meets, and his romance eerily mirrored my own OC Adder and his quest. Do you ever get that weird feeling that a historical figure was you in a previous life? I got that vibe from William Morris. Then again, the irony about being a writer is that not reading anything ensures you will write something that has already been done. The more you read, the more you are aware of tropes that have already been done again and again. Maybe I was a bit of a Ralph myself in my younger days. The trope of a young lad bored with his provincial life seeking to make a name for himself and help others is an age-old tale.

[jerkbitchidjitassbutt]

It Was You (Part Five)

A/N: Jensen and Y/n are childhood best friends. When his agent informs him that his image could use some improvement for a role, will she help him? Or will her feelings get in the way?

Catch up here!

A holiday (Christmas centric) Jensen x Female!Reader Best Friends to Lovers series for @spnchristmasbingo​​​. This chapter and others will fill the square of ‘fake dating’ and this one specifically checks ‘ugly Christmas sweaters’. Un-beta’d, so all mistakes are mine. Header created by me with images from Google. Chapter word count: 3909 (its a longer one, oops)

Series Warnings: cursing, angst-ish at times (if you squint), but mostly all the fluff. Chapter warnings: an original character is sort of mean.

I consider this an AU, as Jensen is single in this fic. This is completely a work of fiction, and I wouldn’t want his reality to be any different, this is purely for entertainment.

Since you arrived late in the afternoon, you and Jensen had little time to rest before the party began. You stowed your things in your respective rooms in Jared’s home across the hall from one another and found the ugly sweaters Gen had chosen for you.

Jensen tried to peak into your room to see yours, but you shot him a look before you closed the door. “Oh c’mon, Y/n! Let me see!”

“Nope! We get to share in each other’s humiliation together!”

You heard him grunt on the other side of the door before he stomped across the hall and shut his door.

Yours was a bright, Christmassy red with white reindeer and an intricate pattern and overall, kind of cute. She also left you a jingle bell bracelet and earrings, so you quickly changed into a pair of jeans, your sweater, and a pair of black ballet flats. Loosening your hair from the tie, you let it fall and fluffed it a bit and applied a small amount of make-up, before finishing the look with some red lipstick and a small amount of gloss to be festive.

When you opened the door, you were met with a very grumpy looking Jensen. He pouted and gestured to himself, causing you to throw your head back in laughter. His sweater had red sleeves and a collar but had black and white patches with various designs all over, including a poinsettia, a string of lights, and a snowman. He was also wearing dark-wash jeans but had put on his black boots beneath that accentuated his slightly bowed legs. You couldn’t help but melt at the sight – he looked absolutely adorable and his pouty expression reminded you of when you were kids, when you wouldn’t share your ice cream with him after he’d eaten all of his own.

Covering your mouth to quiet your giggling, he put his hands on his hips and gave you a bitch face but softened his features when you told him how cute he looked.

“C’mon though,” he wined. “You look adorable. Your sweater is at least bearable. I look ridiculous.”

Something made you reach out to him, sliding your arms around his trim waist as he wrapped his around you. His dimples reached his cheeks as he smiled at you, a bit flirtatiously.

“Hey,” you reassured. “I’m sure you’re going to be the hit of the party with that outfit. You look great.”

Jensen sighed a deep breath, content to feel your body in his arms, “As long as you think so, sweetheart, I’m happy.”

“I always do.”

You felt that urge again as he glanced at your lips, the fire in your belly hadn’t quelled since that morning. Jensen growled down at you as you bit your lip once more, the noise making your blood rush to all sorts of places. He raised his hand to cup your cheek before tangling it into your hair, his mouth mere inches from yours.

Jared called from out of view at the bottom of the stairs, making your heads snap in the general direction, “Hey, guys! You almost ready? We’ve got your drinks made.”

You could hear some distant chatter, meaning that people had started to arrive. You shared a frustrated smile with Jensen as he pulled his hand from your cheek, grazing it slightly before he let go. You gripped his hand tightly as you led him down the stairs, but he was now pouting for a different reason.

You were met with hugs and smiles as you bounded into the room, Jared and Gen mixing in with the crowd of old friends and new faces. You were introduced to everyone and mingled, straying away from Jensen only slightly. He was chatting with a mutual friend of Jared’s as you socialized with a few of the women from the neighborhood, but each of you kept stealing glances at one another every few moments. Everything had shifted, both suddenly and slowly all at once. Instead of the casual glimpses you’d throw in each other’s direction when you were at a party in the past, which were more of just silent conversations asking if you or he needed saving from the person you were talking to in that moment, the stares tonight were affectionate and heated. It felt like he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you and anytime you were within reach, he made some sort of excuse to have his hands on you. Whether it was casually placing his hand on the small of your back to lead you somewhere or brushing your hair from your shoulder, he was constantly touching you in some way. It was comforting and fraying your nerves all at once.

You made your way into the kitchen to freshen your drink and grab a few of the snacks that Gen had made. She always pulled out all the stops for her parties and tonight was no different. She’d made a gigantic charcuterie board that expanded across their entire kitchen island, full of a variety of meats, cheeses, crackers, sauces, fruits and veggies. You filled your dish and grabbed a napkin and your drink before making your way back out to the living area where everyone was gathered, saying hi to a few people that passed by you.

Setting your drink down beside you, you picked through your plate as you began talking with Gen’s college roommate about the random happenings in Austin when Jensen’s form caught your eye. He was talking to someone who had their back turned to you, but she looked familiar though you couldn’t quite place how until she turned to wave at someone, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. It was Melanie. She was one of those people who always showed up to Jared and Gen’s parties and that everyone knew, but no one really cared for. She was very open about the fact that she was trying to up her social status in town and was anxious to settle down with someone who could help her do so. She paid to get into all the right clubs and have all the right things, but the hunger and greed radiated from her. Granted, to each their own and you wouldn’t normally judge, but you knew why she was being so chummy with Jensen. You felt a pang of jealousy that he was being his usual, charming self with her, chuckling when she told him a joke. His eyes scanned the room before they landed on you and his smile lit up his features, but when Melanie placed her hand on his forearm his attention went back to her. She was trim and beautiful on the outside and you couldn’t help but feel a bit protective and bitter that she was trying to sink her claws into Jensen, and so a bit of doubt flowed through your mind that he would want someone like you.

Jensen internally groaned when Melanie started another conversation about her macrobiotic diet as her acrylic nails drummed against her glass, praying that she would take a breath so that he could excuse himself. He let his mind wander to Y/n for a moment, anxious to be done with this party so that he could be alone with her again. He needed to know what she was feeling about them… and couldn’t wait to find out. His attention shot back to Melanie when he heard her shrill giggle and she asked, “So, are you seeing anyone?”

He knew that look. She’d given him that look plenty of times before – she plastered on a coy smile, trying to seem sexy as she batted her eyes up at him.

“Well…” he began, but paused, which Melanie took as an opportunity to shoot her shot.

“If you’re not, we should go out sometime. I know this great little club downtown that—”

Jensen held his hand up to stop her gently, “I’m sorry to if I gave you that impression, Melanie, but I’m spoken for.” He said firmly, and he meant it. She wouldn’t be his type on any given day, but he also knew he didn’t want to see anyone else anymore. At least not until he explored things with Y/n.

Melanie seemed taken aback, and almost offended. She turned her nose up slightly and scoffed before jutting her chin in the direction where Y/n was sitting. “Well, have you told her? She’s going to be a bit disappointed when she finds out.”

Jensen felt anger rise in his chest, his features contorting into a deep scowl, more at the fact that Melanie even had the audacity to mention Y/n, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, come on, Jay.” Don’t call me that, his mind roared. “She’s been clinging to your heals for as long as I’ve known you.” You don’t know me, she does. “You two have been in the news lately and everyone’s always questioned how close the two of you were.” You have no idea. “It’s not like she fits in here, you know.” She said disapprovingly as she glared in your direction, making Jensen’s blood boil.

He cleared his throat loudly, making Melanie jerk to face him in surprise. When she looked at him, he had a fire in his eyes that made her swallow thickly, but he kept his voice calm as he spoke, “Honestly, Melanie? Who I am or am not seeing is frankly none of your business, nor is it anyone else’s. And Y/n?” he motioned to where you were still seated, “No one compares to her. She’s the most beautiful and caring person I’ve ever met. She’d give anyone the shirt off of her back and she deeply cares about other people, not about what they can do for her. You could learn a thing or two from her.” He barked, moving to step away from her. “She’s one of the only true friends I have in this world, and I’ll be damned if I hear her name out of your mouth again.” With that, he left her standing with her mouth agape and waves of emotion rolling off of him.

Jared eyed Jensen heading for his back patio, looking more pissed than he’d ever seen him. He caught Y/n’s worried eyes and gestured that he’d go, following him as he weaved through the crowd. He found Jensen gripping the railing, steam radiating from him as his knuckles turned white.

“Hey, man. You okay? What happened?” Jared called, noting the tension in his shoulders.

Jensen huffed, pointing over his shoulder in the direction of the party, “Melanie.”

“Yeah? What’d she say?”

“Just something about Y/n. It pissed me off.”

Jared crossed his arms, immediately becoming concerned. You were one of his closest friends as well, so he wasn’t about to stand idly by if Melanie was talking about you, “What the hell did she say?” he asked, his own anger growing.

“She was trying to ask me out. When I told her I was seeing someone, she made a smart-ass remark about Y/n, talking about how her and I are always together and that she didn’t fit in.”

“Are you kidding me?” Jared’s voice rose. “She belongs here more than anyone else! Especially Melanie. That bitch wouldn’t know shit about fitting in.”

“I know. She’s insane.”

Jared had already made up his mind to say something to Melanie, but his focus was on his best friend at the moment, “Try not to let it bother you, okay? I know you have your fears about what’s going on with Y/n, but her fitting in isn’t even a question.”

Jensen nodded, “Nah, it’s definitely not… and that’s not even what bothered me the most.”

“I know.” Jared empathized, “We always get defensive about people we love.”

Love. Jensen smiled a bit at the word, and Jared caught it. He clapped him on the shoulder, Jensen returning the sentiment, before Jared his way back inside and immediately seeking out Melanie. When he couldn’t find her, he assumed she’d left and he was more than happy to see her go. She wouldn’t be on the guest list of anything else he had a hand in any time soon.

Y/n ventured outside in search of Jensen, abandoning her glass in the kitchen. He was leaning his elbows against the railing with his shoulders slumped. He didn’t look as upset as he had before Jared came out, but she could tell he was still angry about something.

“Jay? You okay?”

He turned towards her, his green eyes shimmering in the dim light casting from inside. He actually looked sad, more so than angry. “Hey sweetheart, I’m fine.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing, really. Melanie’s just an ass.”

“Well, yeah… I could’ve told you that.” You laughed, making him smile a bit.

He pulled you to him, circling his arms around your shoulders as you rested your head on his chest. The gesture was welcome, but it worried you all the same. You ran your hands on his back, feeling him take a sigh of release and letting the tension melt from him. He rested his cheek on your head, inhaling that floral scent once again.

After a moment, you eyed him from your place under his arm, “You sure you’re alright? Is there anything I can do to help?” you asked.

Jensen smiled to himself again. That was one of the things he loved about you. It was a humble question, but it was very meaningful to him. You always tried to care for him in the simplest ways, even if it was just being there, and no one could comfort him the way you could.

“I’m fine, Y/n/n.”

You pursed your lips, but didn’t press, “Okay. Do you want to stay out here a bit longer? Or go back into the party?”

“We can head back in.” he said, pressing a kiss to your hairline. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

“Of course, honey. I’m always here if you need me, okay?”

“I know.”

He already knew it, but he’d never get tired of hearing it. He walked back into the party with his hand securely bound around your waist, not caring about the wandering eyes and looks. That was the point of the original arrangement anyway, right? To make people talk? These were people, and they were talking. Now, though, the arrangement didn’t matter. He was holding you because he wanted to, and he wanted everyone to know just who he was here with.

He steered you towards the kitchen and poured himself a whiskey, taking a long sip as you accepted a glass of champagne from someone that was passing them around to all the attendants.

Jared and Gen were standing together in their large living room as they called everyone’s attention, “Everyone!” Jared’s voice boomed over the noise and the soft carols playing in the background. He raised his glass of champagne in a toast, “We just wanted to thank you all for coming out tonight. We think of you all as family and couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate the holidays than with everyone here. Our lives are blessed, so thank you. Merry Christmas everyone, and happy holidays!” Gen acknowledged to everyone in the room as she smiled brightly, tucked beneath Jared’s arm.

You and Jensen were huddled beneath the doorframe that entered their kitchen, your back lightly pressed into his chest as you both sipped from your glasses.

“Uh oh!” A loud voice sounded behind you, causing a few people to look your way. “Looks like someone found the mistletoe!”

You searched the crowd, trying to find who the man was talking about, but found that everyone was looking at you. You and Jensen both glanced up at the same time to find you were standing beneath the small plant that had been tied to the mantel with a red ribbon.

You looked at him wide-eyed but remembered that the two of you had an arrangement to appear as a couple. He raised an eyebrow, and when you nodded up to him, a flirty smile graced his lips. His hands came to cradle your face, with yours coming to rest on his forearms as you peered up at him.

Before he could question himself, he laid a feather light kiss against your lips and your eyes fluttered closed. It was quick and enticing, making your nerves stand on end. When you moved to wrap your arms around him, he deepened the kiss, the cheers and clinking of glasses a dull whirl in his ears. Your heart was pounding furiously in your chest and your skin tingled and buzzed, lit aflame at the slightest touch. It felt like every fiber of your body had sparked to life as his fingers danced across your skin and his lips molded to yours, laying small but deep kisses against them. He pulled away but kept you in his embrace, leaning down to whisper in your ear, “We’ll continue this later.” He promised, his voice deep and smooth.

You smiled up at him as you laced your fingers with his that still rested against your cheek, “Yes, please.” You breathed.

Everyone around you had gone back to chatting or eating, ignoring the two people still standing beneath the mistletoe, except for Jared. He’d initially been worried when his old friend Cole had outed that the two of you were under the mistletoe, but now he was grinning from ear to ear, knowing that he just witnessed something special for his two best friends. When he met Jensen’s eyes over the crowd, he jerked his head to the side, signaling that the two of you should leave with a slight smirk.

Jensen shot him a wink and grabbed your hand, pulling you towards Jared’s front door and you gladly followed on unsteady feet, but still feeling as though you could float if needed.

“Hey, Jensen?” you heard a voice call.

It was Melanie again, and Jensen’s grip tightened on you as you shot her a glare.

She stayed a distance away with a guilty but remorseful expression, “I just wanted to apologize. I didn’t have any right to say what I said. I’m sorry.”

Jensen’s hold softened, and he gave her a curt nod, “Thanks.”

She gave a gentle smile and added, “You’re right. I could learn a bit from her.” Before she ducked behind the banister, making her way out of the house and to her car.

You looked to Jensen with a questioning gaze, but he shook his head and gave your hand another reassuring squeeze, “I’ll tell you later, okay? I don’t want to think about it right now.”

He pulled you around to the side of Jared’s house, where there was a large garden and strings of lights illuminating the area. Tugging you towards him, he rounded on you to back you against the brick. You weren’t entirely surprised when he caged you within his arms and leaned in to rest his forehead against yours.

“Y/n.” he breathed, “Is this okay?”

Not trusting your own voice, you nodded.

“Sweetheart, I told you I’d never do anything to ruin our friendship, but I’m afraid I might be about to.”

Even standing in his embrace, the words made a wave of fear course through you and Jensen saw it flash in your eyes. “You’re my best friend, Y/n/n. You’ve been there for me through everything and there’s no one I’d rather have by my side, and I hope what I’m about to say won’t change that.”

With a trembling voice, you asked, “What is it, Jay?”

He tangled his hands into your hair, holding the base of your neck in his palms, “I can’t think of you as just my best friend anymore. I tried. I can’t do it. You’re so much more, Y/n. So, so much more.”

You released a relieved breath, smiling with tears in your eyes as you took his face in your hands, feeling his scruff beneath them. He closed the distance between you even further, pressing his body into yours so that you could feel every ripple of strength and softness that his build provided. Slowly, torturously, he leaned down and gently grazed your lips with his.

Your eyes fluttered shut as you carefully kissed him in return. After a single touch, he pulled back, almost desperately asking for permission. His eyes shown with a mixture of affection and desire as he silently searched your features for any sign of hesitancy. When you nodded up at him, he pressed himself against you and kissed you with more need, his plump lips puzzling to yours with ease.

Jensen’s tongue ran across your lower lip, opening you to him as you gasped into his mouth, the warmth of him flooding your senses as you grasped his shirt in your fists. His hand traveled along the hem of your sweater, lifting it slightly to press his palm against the small of your back, creating chills as the heat sunk into your skin against the chill of the Texas December.

You stayed outside for a while, simply exploring each other in a way you’d never had, with bodies entwined and hands searching out every inch. When you heard people loudly making their way towards their cars and pulling from Jared’s driveway, you returned to the house hand in hand. Jared and Gen were cleaning up the kitchen but stopped when you came through the door. With reddened cheeks and huge grins, there was no denying what you two had been discovering in the depths of their backyard.

You began to help them clean up, you and Jensen hip to hip as you washed and dried the dishes, still beaming at one another.

“So, how’s the ‘fake dating’ thing going, you two?” Gen quipped.

Jensen winked at her, “It may have started as fake, but it’s real now. At least for me it is.”

“Me too... but you and I can talk about that more later.” you said giddily, adding the last part just for him.

Jared spoke up, apologizing for earlier, “I’m sorry about Cole and the, you know, mistletoe.” He said, pointing to the incriminating doorframe.

You laughed and patted his arm for reassurance as Jensen shrugged beside you, “It wasn’t exactly how I wanted our first kiss to happen, but I’m happy it did.” He said, his eyes bright and happy. You didn’t miss that he had thought about your first kiss before that, so you noted to ask him about it later.

The rest of the night was spent laughing and talking with your best friends before the two of you excused yourself to bed. You had a drive to Dallas tomorrow, and your parents were expecting you for lunch.

Jared and Gen each gave you both a hug goodnight and watched you retreat up the stairs, giving each other a high five when you were out of sight.

When you reached your door, Jensen shuffled nervously.

“Do you want to come in?” you asked shyly.

His chest visibly rose and fell as his eyes darkened, but a gentle chuckle left his lips, “Of course I do, Y/n… but I don’t want to move things too fast.”

You giggled, opening the door to your room, “We’re not, Jay. I’m just talking about a sleepover.” You winked, happy when his eyes lit up.

He grabbed his pajamas and changed before meeting you in your room, sighing as he tucked himself underneath the covers and pulling you by your hips to meet his. You fell asleep to the rhythm of his breath in your ear and the rise and fall of his chest against your back, feeling both of your hearts beat along with one another.

To be continued...

………………………………………………………………………………

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Jensen Only

@mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk​​​

[fiore-rosewood9]

♫FrUk :D

Thank you for the ask, I will send a few songs that remind me of fruk, a whole playlist if you may, not only one song. I also touch a few of triggering topics as I explain the nations's personalities and relationships with one another so I apologize in advance if I upset/trigger someone and will put my trigger here - Warning - mentions of abuse, alcoholism, s*exual trauma. Under the explanation there is a playlist of songs that make me think of Ukfr/Fruk, so if anyone gets upset you can feel free to skip my general headcanons about fruk/ukfr relationship dynamics. There are too many songs that make me think of different characters or ships but I collected the ones that make me think the most of them.

I know the original song is by Lady gaga but this version is too sweet and cheesy for me so I chose the rock cover by the group Halestorm since I prefer it, it sounds more genuine and rough and kinda makes me think of the dynamic that ukfr/fruk has, that some people present is as just the enemies to lovers trope or them just fighting which is.....simply unhealthy????? Fruk is much more than that and I wish people would stop seeing it as a two dimensional thing, yeah they do argue on a lot of things and it is not the healthiest dynamic however it does work in my mind because they stick through thin and thick and that requires effort and true love since a lot of people nowdays do not take time to know the other person, they just jump into marriage and have a few divorces and just argue over everything and then separate, fruk is an off and on thing where they break and make. This kind of dedication is hard to find in today's couples. I know they're fictional characters and no one really cares but I practice my psychology skills and my knowledge of people around me, and I sometimes see people with similar or almost the same characters as fictional characters, they may not have all of their hobbies but they do act the same way. And certain pairs, no offence, just make me want to gag my self due to history with bad and toxic fans but if I look at it subjectivly and never encountered mean fans from a certain ship, I would say that they ship simply doesn't work. No ship bashing but as far as I know, people with this kind of personality from this ship that I dislike, and get upset when seeing fan art of, simply just do not get along and had a hard time divorcing, it is not only unhealthy and unbalanced, it is downright abusive because both partners seek control and to have the upper hand and this is not...what romance is about???? It is about two people taking care of each other, understanding personal space and boundaries, lifting each other up and yeah, they will argue a lot, sometimes for small things, sometimes for bigger things, but generally the point of romantic relationships is not someone using you, or abusing you financially and generally being better or bigger than you. This breeds insecurity and jealousy in the other partner and makes them feel inadequate. Usually such problems are not talked over and one of the partners acts passive agressive which is what ultimaltly leads to said divorce. So yeah, people can go away with their (BUT IT IS CUTE, IT IS SO FUCKING CUTE) pairing because real life pairings and how humans communicate and develop friendships and relationships isn't based on what your mind conciders and doesn't concider cute and there are lots of factors on whether relationship will ever happen like common interests, type personality, etc and just block me so I will never hear from them and their childish mindset ever again, which is why I blocked certain tumbrl fan art hetalia accounts who produce art of a pairing I (dislike) lowkey hate, for historical reasons, for manga reasons, for toxic fans who bullied me and made me go on 3 hiatuses reason and ultimatly in real life experience and psychology and how humans and the human mind works and what is healthy and unhealthy reason. Why should I support something where certain people have been hateful towards me and these same people that act like these characters and I know in my life are on bad terms in real life? Why shouldn't I just move on to something more realistic and more healthy, that I have seen that works with humans I know first hand? I am not a clinical psychologist and I have no power or saying in this but I had to write thesis and read books by psycholgists and analyze them in high school and my first year of Uni, in order to pass the year and I have also read reccomended books by a psychologist I went to because I wanted an advice on how to deal with my anxiety and talking to people, because my condition is extremely severe but I honestly feel stuck and try to improve but also feel confused, I sometimes feel like I am not doing enough to

self improve as a human. I sometimes come off as too cold or overly bitter and angry without intending to, and it sucks.

Francis is a really manipulative person and Matthew picked up that from him while part of Alfred's agression doesn't only come from confidence in his own abilities but the fact that England him self is an overly agressive person and is very dominant or at least used to be for a very long time, now he is more mild to keep his gentleman persona but he does suffer from severe anger issues which he hides while Alfred is prone to breaking things and screaming, Arthur is more prone to being rude, sarcastic and generally mean before he loses it. Matthew and Francis do not engage in fight if they can avoid it which is why sometimes people call them cowardly I think? And Matthew is a bit prone to being a codependent people pleaser as far as I see and he seems to have severe anxiety issues. Francis albeit charismatic and beautiful, is deep down in his core lonely.

I think that part of his pervertedness, shocking people with his s*xual humour and all of this sex obsession comes from trauma in his childhood and dressing like a girl. I wouldn't explain what the trauma in question was since it is not canon but I do headcanon that he had s*xual trauma and it is partly why Hungary dressed like a guy. I don't know if this is legit, it is bias from reading too much japanese fan comics relating to hetalia or just general history of humans and how they treated consent and what is moral today, wasn't amoral or against the law a few centuries ago, but I have seen artists touch on it. I think both Arthur and Francis suffer from neglect and they weren't particularly good fathers, in fact no country is, the whole FACE family is dysfunctional and while I love all of them, I kinda pity them. I think Rome was a bit discriminatory mostly towards France and never towards his other children while Arthur had to constantly prove him self and was bullied by his brothers. While other nations have suffered from trauma too (I headcanon that Prussia was burnt on stake and people threw rocks at him due to his albinism and being left handed) something similar happened to Arthur, who I headcanon that he was burnt for being a witch and Francis went a few times through the guillotine, or Arthur still having a bullet scar on his arm from the American revolution or Francis having nightmares from that day where Jeanne was burnt and waking up in his own sweat. Arthur also must suffer from workholism and alcoholism, judging by how much he works and goes to pubs to drink. Everyone chooses their own poison and how to cope with life and many use unhealthy coping mechanisms, hell, even I used unhealthy coping mechanisms a lot in the past and I am not proud of them, in fact, I try to improve.

I can talk about their history and how it relates to their mental health and what scars they have for hours but I would bore you. You came for a song and I am probably boring you so I apologize for writting a lot of words, in advance. I basically think that fruk/ukfr is the ultimate ship for many reasons because they click, I do ship spuk/engita/asakiku and many other things but fruk/ukfr is kinda like butter and bread, it is a great combination. I never said it is 100 percent healthy, however their relationship makes psychological sense and their personalities click. I know people like to present arthur as this dumb tsundere man that blushes and says baka, or he is this garbage rat dad that no one likes or francis is presented or at least used to be this perverted sex machine that touched other countries inappropriatly or at least the 2012-2015 fans saw him this way and while he still has the reputation of a pervert, what many young people in the fandom see as disgusting, I just see as an overly lonely man that just happens to have high libido and copes with it by having casual sex and just has a sex humour, the same way some people have fart jokes humour or darker, more cursed humour, I am really glad that fans mostly left off this whole - Francis is a r**ist and will grope you, in the past, because honestly r**e is not joke and as a character he clearly understands consent and boundaries and I don't think someone like him would do such a thing. Also Greece and Turkey have even higher libido than him and sleep around more, yet he is the ''pervert'', I don't get it??????????? but fruk is just so much more than opposites attract, they have a lot in common so I can't say they're full opposites, no one is truly. I have heard people ask why does anyone ship fruk when it is just opposites attract/enemies to lovers trope and I am honestly confused, because that is extremely rough generalization to say the least, it is like saying - All men/women are the same, it is simply wrong/uncorrect. I think they ''married'' five times - The Treaty of Paris (1657) formed an alliance against Spain. The Anglo-French Alliance (1716–31) formed another alliance against Spain. The Anglo-French blockade of the Río de la Plata (1845-1850). The Anglo-French joint invasion of Qing Dynasty (1856–1860). And the last one which is their official marriage The Entente Cordiale (1904) fought together in both World Wars. As far as I remember Francis tried to marry Arthur but he refused and why he refused is up for subjective opinion but I must write a whole thesis on why Fruk/ukfr works so well and people are not here for that, they're here for the music and I will provide. I also always saw Francis as the more gentle and more submissive partner, I just love to see him drawn in frilly beautiful dresses with bows and stuff and Arthur as the more dominant, I mean as a country he was a powerhouse during the 1600s-1800s and used to be a punkrocker, usually rockers are mentally tough and that man is extremely cunning and witty so...people drawing him as this useless baka uwu overly feminine anorexic boy that looks more like a tween rather than a 23 year old guy just assasinated his character in my opinion and it disturbs me but I am just some awkward human on the internet and no one values my opinion anyway because this is the internet and many people nowdays love to have hot takes and try to gain followers through clickbait stuff which sometimes goes out of control and everything just seems more fake and shallow to me, the more old I get.Okay that was my silly rant no one asked about but I feel really passionate about hetalia and Fruk/Ukfr. Anyway, I apologize again for my long rant and going all over the place, please enjoy this playlist

PLAYLIST WITH SONGS THAT REMIND ME OF FRUK/UKFR

1 - Halestorm - Bad romance - rock cover https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll4NJs3NBIU

2 - Queen - Somebody to love - lyrics https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj69iA_goIk

3 - ABBA - Voulez vous - (I know everyone chooses Waterloo and while waterloo is a fruk theme, I think Voulez vous works too) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwcgMVXuBJc

4 - London beat - I've been thinking about you - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixBryyQSrD8

5 - Santana - Smooth - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Whgn_iE5uc

6 - George Michael - Careless whisper - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izGwDsrQ1eQ

7 - Robbie Williams - Feel - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy4mXZN1Zzk

8 - Michael Buble - Feeling good - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edwsf-8F3sI

9 - Edith Piaf - La vie en rose - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFzViYkZAz4

10 - Chopin - Marriage d'amour (Spring waltz) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFJ7kDva7JE

11 - Vanessa Carlton - A thousand miles - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERw2LuU6Jj8

[sorenskyhigh]

Ok... this boy in my school that I'm friends with and likes me can speak fucking Korean and it just does something to me. I keep telling myself that 2D boys are better than 3D boys but like I cannot help it (he is from fucking Ireland btw). Anyway, if you get where I'm going with this... Tendou, Aone, Kenma and a character of choice with a spouse who can speak a different language... be creative with the languages queen and go crazy. Also as a scenario :) THANKS BESTIE :)

Ooooo i love this! Yes! I gotchu! Need a reminder of the real good men, FICTIONAL

A s/o Who Speaks Another Language

Includes Tendou Satori, Aone Takanobu, Kozume Kenma, and of course my pick is gonna be Kuroo Tetsurou but just for fun I'm gonna throw in Hanamaki Takahiro

Tendou Satori

Satori loved being in France, the language, like any, was hard to learn. Still, he loved everything about the culture here. You being his language tutor was a big help as well.

Since most all of your conversations were in French, unless you were practicing your Japanese (you wanted to learn it for him), Satori never knew you were fairly fluent in Arabic.

Arabic is one of a few of the most spoken languages in France (next to French of course and contending with Spanish, German and couple of others), so a good many people could speak it but Satori had no idea you could.

The first time he heard you speak it when you were trying to give someone directions.

You both were lounging about in the grass in The Champ de Mars, the Eiffel Tower at your backs.

It was a day off for Satori and he wanted you both to have a fun lunch out. Satori and you had both worked and cooked up a lunch to take with you to eat out in the sunshine.

You both were munching on some food, his long arm around your waist as you leaned into him when a work friend of yours came up to you.

"Hey, y/n, can you give her directions? She's trying to find her hotel I think?"

"Sure," you said, before standing up and engaging her in conversation. Turns out she was trying to find the Pullman hotel, it was known for its great view of the Eiffel Tower.

She was an older women and had no idea how to use her maps on her phone.

You gave her some quick help before she was on her way. Your friend thanked you, telling you they had no idea what to do and were so glad they saw you.

With a goodbye you turned around to join Satori and his eyes were wide in cartoony shock. You chuckle a little.

"What?"

"I didn't know you could speak, well I don't exactly know what language that was but, that was really amazing!" With that he jumped up and wrapped his arms around you , kissing the top of your head incessantly.

"Yeah, there were a lot of people at my old job that couldn't speak French very well so I learned Arabic to help them out."

"Arabic? Is that what that was?" He pulled away to look at you in excitement, his eyebrows shooting to the stars. His smile was wide and ever so slightly crooked.

"Yes," you barely get out through your giggling.

"You sounded so beutiful!" You could practically see the hearts in his eyes as he stared at you.

"Thank you, it's been awhile,-" Satori cut you off before you could dog yourself.

"Oh, my dear Paradise, as always you sound lovely. No matter the language."

He proceeded to quiet your protests of how shit your thought you were in Japanese with a rather passionate kiss.

He always surprised you with these in public. Satori wasn't shy to show affection in public, he just doesn't show it like this much.

You had to stop him when his long fingered and boney hands slowly wrapped themsleves around your ass cheeks.

Aone Takanobu

Nobu never said it, but he loved the German nicknames you gave him.

He truly loved a of them. Like when you call him your Liebling (darling) when you're asking for him to grab you something you can't reach. Then there's Schnucki when he does something cute or sweet, like when he got you something you had been wanting for a long time for your birthday.

All of these and the many more you use are great, but his favorite is when you call him your Knuddelbär. He melts when you refer to him as your cuddly bear.

You tended to use it when, obviously, you two were cuddling. Like tonight. You both were cuddled together in bed, his big, strong arms wrapped around you with his nose firmly planted onto the crown of your head, taking in your scent.

You had your face securely settled into his broad chest. His large heart beating and rumbling through your skull. It was relaxing.

Nobu liked feeling your smaller heart as well. He's such a big guy that, it didn't matter how big you were, he was bigger and absolutely loved it.

You were mostly asleep as you intook a large breath before sighing contentedly. You were barely able to get out a mumbled, "Knuddelbär," before completely passing out.

Nobu was officially awake, his face red as hell, and his mouth stretched into a massive smile as always. He sighed lightly into your scalp as he squeezed his eyes closed.

His arms wrapped around you a little tighter as it always did. His lips barely forming a kiss to place on your head.

Nobu knew he wouldn't be able to sleep for awhile. He just loved it too much.

Kozume Kenma

You played game with Kenma all the time. And he loved it. His absolute favorite thing is when you get angry and start angrily yelling.

You'd always revert to Filipino when you'd get angry. Kenma didn't like seeing you irritated or angry per se. But he did love see you get angry at video games. Of course he wanted to be happy and live happily and comfortably, but he always at the very least, cracked a smile when you'd start angrily yelling about who knows what when something happens in a game.

Like right now. There was a level you both were trying to get through. Kenna kept getting a little behind because he wanted all the extra stuff in the level. You on the other hand were trying to keep the bad guys off his back.

It was always in the same spot. Seven tries now, where you had died and had to restart the level. You were so angry that you kept making smaller and more ridiculous mistakes as you both went on.

Well you had a enough. It started out with gritted teeth mumbles as you about broke your controller from the grip you had on it.

Kenma told you to wait for him but that just angered you more. You wanted to get through this level. Honestly it wasn't even that. You wanted to destroy that mini boss.

The idea consumed your entire being. It needed to be destroyed or you wouldn't be able to sleep or rest.

So you charged forward and were taking it on on your own and, well, you were obliterated, once again.

Your hands shook as you death-grip clenched the controller. Your entire figure was shaking with rage. You were going to explode in three.......two.........one........

Now you were angrily yelling at the game and controller in Filipino. Kenma just sat there, too. Oh-so-calmly was he, with is controller in hand. His back slumped with terri ke posture as his lips lifted ever so slightly into a smile. He tried to hide it, he really did.

Kenma knew all too well what it was like to be in this situation. He had raged on camera definitely more than once for this very same reason.

But he just couldn't help it. You were all worked up and angrily pointing your finger at the screen after you had just as angrily thrown your controller on the couch.

Kenma stood up and very silently pinned your arms against your sides. He looked you straight in the eye for a moment. He liked to see you get angry, but he also knew when you should calm down and relax.

"Puddin'," he said very calmly and quietly. You stopped, smoke practically spewing from your ears. He simply wrapped his arms around you, still holding your arms down. You slowly lifted your arms as much as you could, and hugged him back.

He very lightly kissed you on your cheek before starting to rock you both back and forth. Nothing was said; nothing needed to be said.

Kuroo Tetsurou

Tetsu loved hearing you speak Spanish. He loved learning about the difference in the Spanish spoken in Spain, Mexico, Argentina, Peru, and all the others.

You knew so much about the history of the language and how the culture in each country would change that slang so much. He loved when you would go on long tangents about it.

Tetsu especially loved when you sang in Spanish. His absolute favorite thing is when he get home from work absolutely exhausted and he hears you singing away as you're cleaning, making dinner, in the tub, or whatever it is that you're doing.

For example, on this particular evening, you were taking a much needed soak in the tub. Lovely smelling soaps and a couple of candles to give a nice dim light for a nice calm vibe.

Bubbles tickled your chin as you sang away. The noise echoing slightly against the walls around you. It didn't matter whether you had a magnificent voice, an average one, or a terrible one. You were just enjoying the moment.

You heard the front door handle jangle and knew Tetsu was home. You continued to sing as you heard the door open and close. The shuffle of him replacing his shoes with house slippers skitter down the hall to you.

You hear him coming closer, dropping his suitcase and then haphazardly throwing his suit jacket, more than likely on the back of the couch.

You continued to sing as his steps got closer. Then you heard a shuffle at the doorway. You opened your eyes and looked. There stood Kuroo Tetsurou, his black button up shirt stressed across his chest, his tie dangling around his neck.

He stood against the door frame, eyes closed as he listened to you. His eyes looked tired, the same as his small smile.

You continued to sing. You sang and sang until the end of the song. At the end, Tetsu smiled so happily. He opened his hazel/yellow eye to look at you. His smile quirked into a smirk as he took some tired and lazy steps towards you.

He sat himself on the edge of the tub. "Mmmmmm, my Spanish Siren. Trying to sing me a song to pull me under the depths to have her way with me, then leave my carcass for the sharks." He snorted a little at the end as he gave slow loving strokes to your cheek.

You hmmed in satisfaction before oh so calmly saying," Like this?" With that you grabbed his arm and caught him by surprise, making it easy to tug him into the full tub, water splashing out onto the tiled floors. His loud, raucous laughter as well as yours rang throughout your home.

Hanamaki Takahiro

You are his baby, his sweetheart, his lovely. Hiro loved you so much. Everything about you just amazed him. One of the many things that just amazed him, was how you sounded speaking Italian.

The first time he heard you, he was blown away. Your voice was so sexy, not that it wasn't when you spoke Japanese. There was just something about it though that he found incredible.

Hiro would urge you constantly to speak in Italian and even teach him a little. You spoke it so much that he, naturally, picked things up.

He always tells you that him speaking Italian just did not have the same ring to it as you.

"Kah-"

"Kah-"

"Mirrah-"

"Mirrah-"

"Day-"

"Day-"

"Laetto."

"Raetto."

"See, you've almost got it. Camera de letto. Try again." You say. Hiro had been wanting to learn how to say bedroom in Italian. He was having some troubles but he was surprisingly good with learning it though.

He sighed in slight defeat. "I just can't do it like you do, la mia gioia." He loved referring to you as is 'joy' but in Italian.

"Please, just one more time," you encourage him.

"I think i need a little incentive, la mia gioia," he looked at you with a small sly smirk.

You sigh before turning to him, "Quindi vuoi incentivi? Che ne dici se smetto di aiutarti?" (So you want incentives? How about if I stop helping you?)

"Oh, you sound so sexy," you cut him off with a loud laugh.

Im sorry it took so long to get this out! I've been feeling a little better and have been having actual ambition to write and wanted to do my best! Thank you as always for sending in an ask!!

@kneecapstealingalien @multifandombrainrot @vaniatslover @popcorntime-doodles @i-need-coffee-now-pls @jiheonity @shadowsbutdead @goshikisimp @anothershadeofpink @mestayanon @ghostexhibit @smallmangi @thatfunnysprout @backalley-astrologer @itsallgonnabokayihope @g00s3 @boreateo @weareallhumans123 @lil-mellow-bunbun @strawberrymakki @beelziee @mehreenackerman @taiyahhh @sakusasgerm @cr4z3d-cl0wn @detective-lazy @mainnews32 @turtletris2tumble @oshun22 @syirahtorizawa @wouldsimply31 @sadisticbelle @queenkaye33 @h3nta1t0ast3r

[dontbesoevil]

Let’s talk about the dinner scene (and the entire latter half of ep 9)

Can we talk about That Scene? The dinner scene? (and the aftermath) When I started watching this show, I knew there would be meta, but I didn’t expect for it to be so real! Man I haven’t felt so attacked in my core by how real a storyline was since watching Gaya sa Pelikula (I don’t think I’ll talk about it more here, but if you feel like reading my thoughts on this show, I wrote a 1900-word review on MDL about it). I think every single queer person has experienced or fears that they will experience a scene such as the one that Gene and Nubsib experience. It is something that shakes you to your core even if you know it is coming.

I’m putting a readmore because this got a bit too long

It is so important to me that Gene and Nubsib talked about it before and that Nubsib said to Gene that he would 100% support him, that he did not have to do it, and that regardless of what happened, he would continue to support him all the way. Because they both knew that the battle would be difficult and I think they might not have gone with it if they hadn’t had that talk before. But they did. And then That Scene started.

Not gonna lie, I had to stop watching that scene and I had to take a break because I was shaking and it triggered me and brought me some bad memories. I am lucky that I have the most accepting mum ever, but I have been in situations where I felt like I had to hide and was just a shell reacting and observing every single details of everyone’s behaviour because if I were to step outside the lines they would know and I would be thrown to the lions. If anyone had to go through this, especially for an extended period of time, they know how traumatising an experience it can be (i.e. as opposed to remarks which is also traumatising, but more in a micro-aggression type of way). The incident I am talking about was 6 years ago and although I am mostly over it, it has scarred my relationship with some people and groups probably forever.

This scene was so powerful because of how well it was done. @jiminisverynofun said it better than I would when it comes to the mothers in that scene and the next, but I am so glad they are tackling the fetishisation of mlm relationships by straight women and the very real impact it has when it is only objectification and not any kind of real support.

Something else that I also see in the reactions of the others around the table is the brothers. In the previous episodes, we have seen them be somewhat supportive of the whole thing (although not necessarily in the best way) and here when seeing their parents act in such homophobic ways, they not only not say anything and go along, but they even go further and say really homophobic words, all the while knowing about their brothers. They redeemed themselves (at least Jab, but I’m assuming Sib’s brother’s too) afterwards by defending their brothers when it was just them. But the fact is that they also played along with the homophobia. They did the reverse of what the mothers did. The mothers were okay as long as it was a fiction and then were distraught when it turned out to be real. But the brothers both said homophobic things about gay people in general even if they support their brothers individually. It felt a bit too much like those people who shout against immigrants being the worst, but telling their immigrant neighbour: “oh but not you because you are a good one.” I get that it is hard to get in front of your parents, truly I get it, but I feel like they still went too far the other way, either because of fear or because they truly think that (in which case, boys, start working on your homophobia because you are the only allies your brothers have in the family and they don’t deserve shitty allies).

And then the dads. I am mainly going to be talking about Gene’s dad because we haven’t seen too much of Nubsib’s dad and the preview made it seem like we’ll see more of his pov next time (but I feel like a lot of the same things are applicable to him). I spent the entire scene (and the ones after) wanting to deck him and I wrote so many “fuck you” and other sentences where I was not very polite towards him in the chat because he made me absolutely furious. I was like *surprised Pikachu* when Gene said that he’d dated guys before he dated his mum. I don’t whether he’s gay or bi and honestly at this point I do not give a single shit because he went too far and his internalised homophobia is no excuse for the constant abuse and homophobia he has thrown at his son for years. Nothing could excuse it and even if he comes to realise the error of his ways, he’ll need to do way more than just say sorry for me to be okay with him coming anywhere close to Gene (I need someone to make me a Gene protection squad banner). I am so glad that Gene, soft spoken Gene, confronted him and did not let him go. That scene was directed like a theatre scene. When I started the scene, it jumped at me! The mum at the window, the brother at the table, and the dad on the couch. And Gene just kept talking at the dad who was cornered on all sides. Regardless of the other two characters who still have (more or less) atoning to do, I’m expecting the brother to be helpful by next episode and the mum by the end of the show, the one who needs to be worked upon is the dad. I know it, you know it, Gene knows it. And this is why he is not letting go. His dad has always been treating him as a child (I think it is him who says they are just children when at dinner, but I cannot remember and I am not strong enough to go and rewatch it) and he doesn’t want to have this conversation so he just tells his son to “go to his room” (i can’t remember exactly how old he is, but it’s something like 27, so his son who’s been an adult for 10 years and presumably was already pretty autonomous before because his dad had sent him to boarding school because of the GayTM). I am so happy for Gene standing up for himself. I am so happy for Gene telling him that he is gay and using those words when you could see only a few scenes before that he wasn’t completely there yet (did I pause at that point to cry? Yes, yes I did). Gosh I am so proud of Gene!

But going back to the dinner scene proper and what I was talking about re: Nubsib and Gene talking before and knowing what the other wants (they both want to come out and Gene says explicitly to Nubsib that he doesn’t want to hide anymore (and he knows his dad so he knows that he will probably react as he reacted). And then you have That conversation and you can see the two of them looking at each other (gosh the number of silent conversations they’ve had this episode, I want what they have!). And like as hard as it is, they have each other. And then you have Gene starting to come out by asking a question “and what if it’s true?” (this feels way too real and I relate way too much because talking explicitly about things like that is way too hard so you find a way around it, you wait for the others to say something that you can react to while not saying explicitly what you want to say) And then Nubsib sees this, understands it for what it is and goes for it because he is way more sure of himself and secure in his identity. And they have each other, they look at each other, they hold hand (talking about Gaya sa Pelikula, this very much reminded me of the hand holding between Vlad and Karl duing That dinner scene too). I am so happy that they have each other and that Gene can use Nubsib to help. I relate a lot to Gene and it is easier to talk about your relationship to someone than what it means, but once you’ve talked about the one, it’s easier to talk about the other.

This scene was given all of the space that it needed. I am so glad that they decided that time didn’t matter and that they could give us a 1h27 episode because I did not feel like something was missing, but I also did not feel like something was unnecessary about that whole section (or any of the ones before because you can really see the development of their relationship (not that I don’t have any gripes with some of the lines and story choices, but this is not the place). I’ll probably finish this and be like “oh no, I forgot to talk about this”, but I’ve already gone and written 1500 words so I should probably stop.

[samwisethebitch]

The Bizarre World of “Feel Good” Murder Mysteries

When I think of murder, I don’t typically think of warm, fuzzy feelings. If you’ve been following my blog, you know I’m a fan of all things gritty and gory, so a lot of the books I read fall into the thriller/suspense subgenre. But not everyone likes their mystery novels with an extra helping of blood and guts — in fact, there’s an entire subgenre of mysteries designed to make readers feel good.

According to Wikipedia, “Cozy mysteries, also referred to as ‘cozies’, are a subgenre of crime fiction in which sex and violence occur off stage, the detective is an amateur sleuth, and the crime and detection take place in a small, socially intimate community.” Think Angela Lansbury a la Murder, She Wrote. It’s a very PG approach to a genre that is usually a hard R.

Like romance, the cozy mystery is a subgenre mostly read by women. According to cozy-mystery.com, a website dedicated to this type of book, “Many cozy mystery readers are intelligent women looking for a ‘fun read’ that engages the mind, as well as provides entertainment.”

Any time a genre is marketed to one gender over the other, I automatically wonder why. Is it because women are seen as less likely to enjoy “hardboiled” detective fiction than men? Is it because women “have weaker stomachs” or “can’t handle violence”? Is it because everything made for women needs to be cutesy and fluffy?

To try to answer these questions, I read three different cozies to see if I could determine why they’re so popular and why they’re marketed to women. Here’s what I found.

And Then There Were Crumbs by Eve Calder

Quirky settings seem to be a recurring theme in cozies, with more than a few of the subgenre’s beloved heroines doing double duty as amateur detectives and small business owners. In And Then There Were Crumbs, the small business in question is a bakery nestled in a ridiculously beautiful beachside town.

The mystery is not the main focus of this book. Really, it’s about Kate recovering from a messy breakup and trying to save a small-town bakery from going under. The murder is just icing on the cake, so to speak.

Unfortunately, the mystery was the weakest part for me. It’s not bad, by any means, but it does feel a little too clean. I’m the type of reader who likes to try to figure out the mystery alongside the characters, and this story didn’t really let me do that. There aren’t any compelling suspects to speculate about, and the solution is only possible after Kate stumbles onto a missing clue that brings everything together. This is a device used a lot by shows like Murder, She Wrote, and it’s always been a little bit of a pet peeve of mine.

The rest of the plot is well-written and full of warm fuzzies, but as someone who was mainly interested in the whodunnit I was a little disappointed.

One thing I will say for And Then There Were Crumbs is that it made me crave cookies so badly I had to bake a batch of snickerdoodles after finishing it. That’s gotta count for something.

Final Rating: 💀💀💀 (3 skulls out of 5)

Sinfully Delicious by Amanda M. Lee

Like in And Then There Were Crumbs, the mystery is not the main focus of this book. Sinfully Delicious is, at its heart, a second chance romance about a down-on-her-luck author who moves back to her hometown and reconnects with her high school sweetheart. That she happens to discover a dead body on her first day back, and that the previously mentioned high school sweetheart happens to be the police officer investigating the case, is incidental.

As I was reading this book, I noticed another running theme in the cozy subgenre. Both And Then There Were Crumbs and Sinfully Delicious go out of their way to establish that the murder victims were very, very bad people. Of course no one deserves to be poisoned or stabbed in a back alley, but if anyone did, it would be these guys. In a way, this makes the murders less disturbing since they almost feel justified.

Sinfully Delicious spends even less time on the mystery than And Then There Were Crumbs — at times, it almost doesn’t feel like a mystery novel. The romance really is the main focus here, and I had serious issues with it. Stormy’s ex-boyfriend/love interest has a girlfriend, and there is definitely some emotional infidelity — what Bustle calls “micro-cheating.” To make us feel better about this (and to keep Stormy a sympathetic protagonist), the author makes the girlfriend so unbelievably bitchy and unlikable that we can’t help but hate her. I’m very tired of girl-on-girl hate being used as a plot device in romance novels, and this book is one of the worst offenders I’ve encountered in a while.

The murder subplot was pretty standard. The last minute reveal that pulls the whole mystery together appears once again in this book, followed by a conclusion so outlandish, it actually made up for some of the lackluster buildup.

I did enjoy the fantasy elements in Sinfully Delicious. Stormy discovers that she is a witch and possesses magical powers, but like a lot of other cool things in this story, the witch stuff gets pushed aside to make more room for the romance nobody asked for.

Final Rating: 💀💀 (2 skulls out of 5)

Agatha Raisin and The Quiche of Death by M. C. Beaton

The Agatha Raisin series is a staple of the cozy subgenre. With 30 books and counting, the series has been going strong since the early 1990s. Because this book (the first in the series) is quite a bit older than the other two I read, it isn’t quite as formulaic. It’s definitely heavy on the Agatha Christie inspiration (in case the protagonist’s name didn’t make it obvious), and it’s all very, very British.

Once again, the mystery isn’t the only thing going on here. This book is about Agatha, a fifty-something-year-old business woman who sells her PR firm, goes into an early retirement, and buys a cottage in the Cotswolds, only to realize that village life will be a harder adjustment than she thought. She feels torn between her new village, which isn’t at all like she imagined, and her old life in London, which is quickly moving on without her. Oh, and one of her new neighbors dies of poisoning after eating a quiche Agatha entered in a local baking competition.

I really liked Agatha as a character. It’s nice to see a single, middle aged woman who enjoys being single, and it’s interesting to read a story that deals with themes of getting older and planning for retirement. Agatha is also kind of a bad bitch, and I enjoyed reading about her aggressive, take-no-prisoners attitude.

The story really reminded me of Agatha Christie’s Miss Marple series, which I’m sure is intentional. I can just imagine the author thinking, “But what if sweet Miss Marple was replaced by a London businesswoman?” and then writing this book. The supporting characters are all quirky and eccentric in some way, and some moments are genuinely humorous.

The murder mystery plays a more central role in this book than the first two I read, with Agatha doing lots of good, old fashioned snooping, breaking and entering, and harassing suspects. The conclusion was a little bit of a letdown for me — I think the author could have gone in a lot of different directions, but chose the most boring one.

Final Rating: 💀💀💀 (3 skulls out of 5)

Conclusion

I really can see the appeal of this type of mystery. These books are perfect for readers, both men and women, who want a fun mystery that they can try to solve alongside the protagonist, but who don’t want to read graphic descriptions of violence. I really do think there’s a place in the larger mystery genre for stories like this.

These books are also great for when you aren’t sure what genre you want to read. There’s a little bit of murder, a little bit of women’s fiction, a little bit of humor, and sometimes even a little bit of romance. It’s a grab bag of some of the most popular genres of fiction, and it speaks to readers with eclectic tastes.

Since I discovered the existence of the “cozy mystery” label, I’ve been using it to find books to read when I’m not feeling anything super intense. I read a lot of horror and thrillers, but sometimes I can get burned out on that type of intensely emotional (and often disturbing) story. When I want just a taste of intrigue without the blood and guts, cozies are a good option.

If you’re an avid reader of more intense mysteries, I recommend checking out this more lighthearted side to the genre. Who says a book about murder can’t be uplifting?

[hheeyyhay]

The Familiarity of New Memories

Pairing: Hitoshi Shinso x Reader (can pass as gender neutral if ya squint)

Summary: Old traditions make way for new ones as reader makes new friends with the help of a certain ball of fur. 

OR Shinso volunteers at a shelter with a grumpy old cat who just so happens to play matchmaker between himself and the newcomer to town.

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy my contribution to the Konoha Simps’ latest server collab!! You can check out all the other wonderful pieces in this event right here. This is the first piece of fan fiction that I have written since high school, and the first piece I have ever put out into the world for others to see. I cannot thank the members of the Konoha Simps Server enough for giving me the motivation and courage I needed to FINALLY do this-- I love you guys so much!! 

Warning(s): fluff, mentions of anxiety/depression

quirkless college AU

Word Count: ~3K

There was no doubt about it, summer was officially on the way out. You could tell by the way green leaves were giving way to crisp splotches of red, yellow, and orange. In the way the cool breeze kissed your cheeks as it danced by. Most importantly, you could tell by the way your workload for classes picked up.

You tried to take in your surroundings-- take a moment to process a quick hello to autumn, and with it a farewell to simpler times. Gone would be the times where your biggest worries were what kind of trouble you would have to convince the rest of your friends to stay out of in between shifts at the local cafe. Normally, this goodbye was easier to say as it leaned to the happier side of bittersweet. After all, back home fall was your favorite season. That was all in the past though.

In your hometown, your walks around the neighborhood at the start of fall were comforting. You could stroll the streets with a snack in one hand, and a warm drink in the other as you headed to meet up with your friends under the canopy of changing leaves at the park. With textbooks sprawled across picnic tables and blankets the support of your friends kept you all warm against the slowly dropping temperatures. However, it was no longer the streets of your hometown that you were strolling along with a backpack over your shoulders, and it was no longer your friends at your side, but strangers.

You shivered, pulling your thick cardigan closer around yourself with a heavy sigh. You had been so certain that moving hundreds of miles away from home to finish your college work was a good idea. You had told your anxious family and friends that you would be fine, being alone in a new place for a while was just a sacrifice you had to be willing to make in order to pursue your dreams. Yet you began to doubt the truth in your own claims as the usual cold autumn wind whipped your hair about. It felt foreign rather than welcome as it would back home. The chill sunk into your bones where it mixed with your new found loneliness causing you to wrap your arms around your middle.

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” you thought to yourself pulling out your phone to see no new messages in response to all the ones you had sent out. You had known your friends for years and were lost without them. You sighed once more, shaking your head as you pocketed your phone. It had been the fifth time in an hour that you checked your phone knowing there were not any notifications you had already seen. You scolded yourself for being foolish and worrying that your friends had moved on without you. 

You had been distracted by the chatter of your own inner demons the entire rest of your walk, and it was not long before you were turning off the sidewalk onto the back walkway leading around to the front of the library.

You were headed inside to study on your own at the tables inside. It had become your new tradition after having found it too hard to study outside at any of the parks, where all the passerby would remind you of just how lonely you were here in this new town. As you rounded the corner and came up alongside the library you paused, noticing a lot more noise and chatter than usual. Balloons and signs amongst the visitors caught your eye. “Adoption day?”

You wandered closer to the tents that were set up in a corner of the parking lot. Upon closer inspection you realized that the people were gathering around various cages, crates, and pens filled with pets from the local shelter. There were as many different people there looking for new four legged family members to bring home as there were animals. Some children were leaning over a crate full of guinea pigs, others were picking out rabbits from one of the other pens, and still others were begging their parents for either a puppy or kitten. There were couples young and old alike speaking with the volunteers about which cat or dog was the best fit for them. You wished you could hang around a little longer, but there were so many people in such a small space that you could not help, but feel anxious. Turning away to finally walk inside you pulled out your phone once more to smile down at your lock screen; a photo of your cat from back home. 

Pocketing your phone you caught a glimpse of something familiar out of the corner of your eye. Following your line of sight as you walked away, you were surprised to recognize a boy from campus. If his wild purple hair and dark under eye bags were not enough to make him stand out from the crowd then his lanky limbs decked out in his unique dark, edgy style definitely was. You paused at the top of the staircase to the library and watched as he spun around to crouch in front of a cage. As he stood there squatting in front of the cage you realized that he was a volunteer from the shelter along with the others.

With one last final look over your shoulder you walked through the door, leaving the boy and all the homeless pets outside. As he disappeared from view at your departure, you caught a last glimpse of him pulling a rather forsaken cat out of the cage he had previously been standing in front of. Heading to your usual secluded table behind some less frequented bookshelves you tried to not think of the cat or the boy who held it in his arms. From what you had observed from your short visit to the Adoption Day Event, no one else had shown the poor old cat any sort of attention. The lump of fur was not only fluffy, but a bit on the large side, and while his coat was far from scraggly you could tell that he had only recently fallen on some sort of good fortune. He was missing a leg and both eyes, rendering him blind. It made you sad to think that the others were more than likely passing over the cat in favor of the other healthier, younger cats who would not have as many problems. As far as the boy, you could not even begin to guess why he seemed to be clouding up your thoughts. It was not like you had ever spoken to him before. 

Your thoughts were a jumbled mess and before you had known it you were throwing your pen down in frustration. “Ughhhh! This is useless! It has been two hours and I have barely put a dent into this chapter,” you dropped your head into your notebook as you slammed your textbook closed. 

“Maybe I would have been better off just studying at home afterall,” you thought to yourself as you packed up the rest of your belongings. 

You stopped at the circulation desk on your way to the exit to check out a book you had reserved on your previous trip in. “At least today wasn’t a total loss,” you thought to yourself as you gripped the book to your chest and headed for the door.

As you threw open the door and made your exit you were once again met with the chill of the outside air. It did not feel as cold as it had that morning though. You looked down at the book clutched to your chest and then back out across the parking lot. With a smile on your face and a new sense of determination that you had not felt since you had moved you found yourself walking across back to the makeshift shelter. The crowds from earlier had long since thinned only serving to further justify your impulsive decision. 

With a deep breath you had brought yourself up to one of the tables where the last few volunteers were congregated around the forlorn cat. Everything else was just about picked up and it was clear he had not been able to find a “furever” home at the event. The volunteers, mostly middle aged women with bright smiles, greeted you and asked if you wanted any information on the shelter they were from or if you were perhaps interested in volunteering yourself.

You explained that you had recently moved to the area to finish your schooling, but that you had been especially missing your cat from back home. You showed them a few pictures as you expressed interest in the cat lounging on the table and using his one good front paw to swat away anyone who tried to pet him.

A deep voice from behind you startled you out of your conversation, “You really want that mangey thing instead of a cute kitten?” 

You turned around and were met with the lanky boy from campus. You had been about to argue with him, stand up for your new feline friend when you noticed the boy was giving you a devilish smirk and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Shinso Hitoshi,” he extended his other hand to you, “I’ve uh--seen you around school a few times.”

You shook the offered hand and introduced yourself as well, “We have two classes together. I’d hope you’ve seen me around at least once or twice.” You tried to play it off cool as a blush crept up the back of your own neck. Your eyes searched each other up and down briefly and it took a lot of self control to not make an attempt to hide your face as you felt the blush grow across your cheeks as you watched Shinso’s own face begin to turn red. 

“Ahh, well, I’m fostering old Charlie here until he recovers more from his surgery,” Shinso made a show of gesturing to his own eyes and then to Charlie’s like it was some secret or he did not want to hurt the cat’s feelings. You could not help, but stifle a laugh. From the impressions you had of Shinso you had not expected him to be so forward, or funny for that matter. “Lucky for you, Charlie is quite picky and has scared away any potential suitors.”

Shinso reached around you and was able to give Charlie a few successful scratches under his chin. You reached forward too and copied Shinso’s movements. While Charlie was a little hesitant at first, he quickly warmed up to you and much to Shinso’s surprise, even let you pick him up and give him forehead kisses.

“Alright, well I guess you passed the test,” he congratulated you as he took Charlie from your arms and gently placed him into a carrier. “He has another week or so, until he’s ready to go to a new home. If you want you can fill out one of the adoption contact cards and then one of us at the shelter can give you a call when it’s time for him to get ready to go home to you?” Shinso turned away as he once again began rubbing the back of his neck as he started turning red again, “Orrrrr, I don’t know. Maybe you could give me your number and I could text you updates or something?”

The other volunteers had slowly begun to disperse during your interaction with Shinso, and the last older woman who was left chuckled a bit to herself as she passed you a clipboard with the adoption paperwork. “Just fill this out for me dear and then Charlie will be all yours pending his final follow up with the vet. Shinso can go ahead and answer any questions you may have.” She gave you a final pat on the shoulder as she wandered off to help the others finish cleaning up.

You quickly filled out the paperwork and handed it back to Shinso, your phone sitting on top of the clipboard unlocked and already opened to the messaging app so he could add his number, “Please don’t tell me you volunteer at the shelter just to use the poor animals as your wingmen.”

Shinso made quick work of adding his number to your contacts and made sure he had yours as well before adding the clipboard to a pile on the table. “Only when they help me get the courage to finally talk to a girl I’ve had my eye on since she first transferred a couple weeks ago.” His face was red and his eyes were downcast. You wondered if maybe your first impressions of him were true and that Charlie had inspired him to do something out of his comfort zone just like the cat had done for you.

You could not put your finger on it, but you once again found your thoughts swimming with the boy from campus. This time though you had a name and even a voice to put to the face. You were not ready to say goodbye and decided to stay to help Shinso and the other volunteers finish cleaning up. The sun was quickly setting at that point and as the darkness rolled in so did another bout of cool autumn wind. However, this time you hardly noticed it. It carried a clean, crisp scent of fall that felt the most familiar than it had since your move. 

You passed the time with idle chit chat, quickly becoming closer and closer to Shinso. You learned a lot about each other and came to realize you had a lot more in common than you would have ever thought. 

Pausing you closed your eyes and tilted your head back taking a few deep breaths. It had been ages since you felt this content. You were not alone, you were not worried about the many different reasons your friends could possibly have for not texting you back, and you were not worried about the fear of never finding somewhere to fit in within this new place. You walked over to where Shinso had Charlie’s carrier resting on the sidewalk leading towards the back of the library. Kneeling down you poked your fingers as far through the bars as you could manage, “Thanks Charlie. Without you, I really wouldn’t have any friends here and I don’t think I would be able to love the fall anymore. With you by my side maybe I’ll be able to remember being stuck in this new place will be worth it all in the end.” 

You had not realized that Shinso had come up behind you, and you bumped into him as you tried standing up. He gripped your elbow tightly as you regained your balance, “So you really are new around here huh? I thought so, but. Well. I don’t know.” Shinso shrugged his shoulders sheepishly as he let go of you and quickly gave you back your space. As he avoided your gaze and looked up at the setting sun you noticed just how dark the circles under his eyes really were. 

“Yeah. Uhm,” you shifted your weight back and forth nervously as you tugged at your own sleeves. “Thanks for helping me with the adoption stuff. I hope Charlie doesn’t give you too much of a hard time before he can come home.”

There was a tension in the air as you were both starting to get cold as the dark approached, but neither of you particularly wanted to be the first to leave. You tucked a strand of loose hair between your ear, using the action to hide your face a bit as you gnawed on your lip. Shinso mirrored your uneasy behavior, staying halfway turned away and pulling his fingers through the mop of purple hair on his head. Luckily, Charlie had woken up and given a pitiful meow that sounded more like a chirp. It was just the encouragement you both needed as you and Shinso were once again able to make eye contact.

“It’s getting pretty dark and looks like it may rain,” Shinso broke away and looked up at the sky momentarily. You could not help, but be mesmerized by the way the sunset played on his pale features, accentuating his jawline. You felt the blush making its presence known on your face once more and simply nodded. Charlie chirpped again as if he were trying to encourage Shinso to continue on before he blew his shot. “My place isn’t too far from here. We could head there and hangout with Charlie for a bit to wait out the rain, and then I could walk you home if you’d like?...”

You could tell Shinso was nervous to hear your answer as he began rubbing at the back of his neck. Grabbing his wrist to gently guide it back down you flashed him a genuine smile as it felt like a weight was being lifted from your shoulders. The moment was interrupted by Charlie who decided that was the perfect opportunity to make it known that it was past his dinner time. “Come on Shinso, we wouldn’t want to make old Charlie think we’re planning on starving him.”

Shinso laughed and bent down to grab the carrier. “Wait until he realizes he’s going on a d-i-e-t after he’s fully healed up,” he spelt out. Charlie made a noise from the back of his carrier like he understood what Shinso was saying and was not pleased about it, which only made you laugh that much harder.

You once again found yourself taking the rear pathway behind the library into town. This time was different though. You were no longer alone. You had two new friends you could confide in. The leaves dancing in the autumn breeze were once again a welcomed sight. The dropping temperatures no longer reached the innermost corners of your bones amplifying your loneliness. The ghosts of the memories of your friends were no longer haunting you everywhere you looked as you walked down the street. There was now someone special you could create new memories and cherish the autumn with.