#this might be my worst take yet maybe
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
i've seen people on tiktok discussing whether Zoro or Sanji is the strongest. and i just want to come out to say that y'all are focusing on the wrong issues, "who's more powerful, Zoro or Sanji?" WHO CARES, let's ask the real questions, the raw and difficult ones- who's better at sucking Luffy's cock off?
#zolu#sanlu#zosanlu#one piece#the audience boos me#but y'all don't get to see if i care if i'm right or not#because i have already left the stage#giggling like crazy#this might be my worst take yet maybe
105 notes
·
View notes
Text
Understandably So no one mentions charles when talking about the Logan movie and again Understandably So This Aint Bout Him however i do confess that as someone who had never seen Logan until like. a month ago when i was binging all the movies and without knowing a single thing about it aside from laura i cant lie i was in fact jumpscared by him being there. especially for at least like 3/4s of the movie
#xmen#logan movie#snap chats#i be ramblin today hello ...#it was a pleasant jumpscare. yk until he died. after realizing he committed atrocities by accident 😭😭💀 OLD MAN NOOO#but no please LIKE I READ THE DESCRIPTION WHEN GOING TO WATCH RIGHT#AND I WAS JUST THINKING 'oh he'll probably be here for like twenty minutes. wdym he's here for way longer than that'#i THINK years ago i REMEMBER seeing a screenshot of the hotel bit with laura and charles but again that was years ago#and i might be tricking myself maybe its a false memory jealvvelka either way i just know they were cute :(#point is he was here for. i cant even say So Little cause again He Was Here For An Hour And Thirty Minutes Out Of Two Hours#and lets be clear 'snap has your brain molded that much you know exactly how much screen time charles gets in the movies'#girl no not yet i only know exactly when he punches his clock cause i had to keep restarting the movie cause it kept pausing vjAELKAJE#and it just so happened to struggle literally like. ten minutes after he dies- like when logan was dealing with x24 THAT part#so rude for that.. anyway I Repeat i miss charles and laura bein cute :(#it wasnt a lot but it was just sweet.. i always like how charles always got that Professor in his soul with these movies#like in dofp when logan's losing it after. getting future ptsd jvALKVLAJ??K charles is there to ground him#despite being. Like That vjeaLKj like sir please ily. i will accept the Youre On Acid answer youre trying your best#and then with THIS movie evidently charles is having. the worst time upstairs#but he's still super sweet with laura like oh stop you grandpa im gonna throw up#and to STRESS. they were EVIL about that wholesome dinner bit like :((( oh to see the fam happy and safe again :(((#like im throwing up frankly. people were right this movie IS sad i underestimated their assessment 😭#to lighten the mood in my heart. charles really do be an old man in this movie hes such a menace to logan JELKAK#god. Most Normal X-Men Movie Watcher Focuses On Professor X During The Movie About Logan VEJLKJA#ok im done. sorry i just keep replayin that bit in my head where theyre in the car and logans just 'Did You Take Your Meds SHOW'#like pelase. jaeRLKEaj ok im gonna try drawing i looked at my wall long enough and i think i can draw something
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
its past midnight and here i am planning a sweater i have neither the materials nor funds to make
#once 10:30 hits i enter a fugue state and i just start making shit#i was like making little drawings and grid patterns and looking at knitting patterns for few hours and then 10 hit-#-and i was like ohh. okay so i have to make a mockup right now#so i put on one of these really long series recap videos and just went to town with the yarn and needles i had#im not going to use these colours (maybe the same cream shade but i dont have enough rn anyways) bc i want a darker green#but idk if i will use a different weight of yarn im not sure about that yet#i think it looks really good in just standard weight (worsted or w/e) but ik it would take a v long time and strain my wrists/arms a lot :(#so idk what i will do about that. maybe ill look at the same style of sweater but w/ thicker yarn to see examples#basically i want to make one of those christmas sweaters that have the patterns at the top + bottom trim but tma style#its supposed to look like open and closed eyes if that wasnt clear#and i might do lettering in the middle if it will fit? i wanted to do the whole ''ceaseless watcher'' phrase but it would def not fit sooo#just the name is fine. i will maybe put one on each side (front + back) or if theres room for like 3+ than i could do a repeating pattern#its going to take a lot of math + planning tho so O_o wish me luck#i dont even have yarn yet lol idk what im talking about#i gotta get to bed....#tma#the magnus archives#ceaseless watcher#my art#kinda#knitting is art
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
bro I'm at the level of seasonal depression where my brain is like "maybe I should watch supernatural...."
#damien.txt#<- comfort show is supernatural#for some god foresaken reason. my brain truly has latched onto this show. even tho literally i hate it#they did all of the characters i like the worst they possibly could have. .......yet. the narratives.#this was honestly triggered by a post i saw today abt like. the show having dean's flaw be like 'sam isnt the brother i want him to be#and i tend to treat him in certain (unfair) ways because of that' which is inherently a banger character plot to have#but then the show unironically says 'and dean is 100% valid in this and any action he takes bc of it' and then like a ton of the audience#just believes that wholeheartedly.#this is incredibly paraphrased btw. i might try and go find the post and rb it bc it really hit#anyways yeah. literally thinking abt it forever. spn fucked me up in the brain in so many ways. like... irrevocably changed fr#time to go rewatch the 'i could never go on a quest like that. because i'm not clean' scene for the 60000000th time#truly the scene that had impacted me the most as a person. maybe in all of media#which is.... perhaps incredibly embarrassing kdgdjdhf but also. if you know you know.#supernatural
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dealing with some unwanted existential thoughts again
#kers ramblings#when your circle starts loosing interest in things you used to enjoy together and at some point you just..#just find yourself in a much smaller circle than it used to be. i know it's okay. i know people aren't bound to things and its the memories#that matter. still. it might be a part of my neurodivergent experience but i never felt like i truly belong anywhere#and now friends and acquaintances leaving the fandom one by one..i know i can't force them to stay and I'll never try to#its just...such a bittersweet feeling and a bit of grief and nostalgia about the moments you shared. but it's a change of a routine#they're not actually going anywhere and still ARE your friends but its a big change#changes are stressfull and sad but they're implying that you should move on#and I'm mostly used to running away and forcing myself to get into something else even if i still enjoy it#because im always afraid of ending up completely alone. in some sort of a trap feeling like the worst person alive#all of that because i just...i simply forbid myself talking to someone about the things they're not interested in anymore#like something just dies inside and will never come back the way you knew it. it's just the way how things are to me. it always was#and it hurts to feel like and know that at some point I'll end up being “alone” again despite having so many friends. it just wouldn't#be the same anymore. i don't even know if you get it or not but its like..a burning need to have a buddy or a few to enjoy things together#to get crazy over things together. to discuss headcanons. to share thoughts. to draw and write about it and simply be feral together.#I feel like it's been slowly slipping through my fingers over the past months and i kinda feel heartbroken by that#and yet I don't even know how to approach so many new people who are like me to feel and share it again#life isn't ending really and people aren't going anywhere but the huge change i tried so hard to ignore is getting closer day by day#maybe it's just the brain worms and i need to get some sleep...I don't know really#i know I won't be left completely alone but i kinda feel like i *will* be alone#in a “i don't want to keep bothering them talking about things im passionate about. they're into other stuff now” kind of way#can someone please come and smash my head with hammers and take that emotional pain away
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Going to kill duolingo 100 times WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND FUCK EVERYTHING UP girl have you ever heard of "if it ain't broke don't fix it"???
@duolingo
#I have never been so unmotivated in my FUCKING LIFE#ThornShadow.said#yes I'm tagging them yes I know they haven't reactivated yet yes I know don't interact with corps I am just SO MAD AND DISAPPOINTED#honestly whoever approved this can die idc I hope the whole app shuts down and the HQ blows up a million times#also yes i have contacted them in ways they might actually see like Email and app store reviews I just need to vent#I haven't been able to force myself to use their shitty new app in over a week#gohd I have to go through the effort of finding a new way to learn languages that is actually enjoyable now#worst part is I was SO CLOSE to conpleting the course like under their stupid new system I can SEE THE END from where I am#and it takes literal minutes to scroll through. for reference for how fucking close that is#ugh.#I wanted to learn another language too#idk idk just. duolingo's format and progression was so good before.#maybe other apps will be even better idk
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#tag talk#watching media not in English is honestly so fun. my brain loves trying to pick out sentence structure and individual words#as someone who was obsessed with writing and learning codes as a kid it's unsurprising#I've realized that I very well could finally become multilingual and it's a really exciting thought#I just wish language learning apps didn't suck so much. I very well might have to start keeping a notebook for vocabulary#but I've been watching Puerta 7 and listening exclusively to music in Spanish for about the past week#and next year my brother and I are gonna take Spanish together at the community college once we move#cause he wants to travel internationally and maybe live abroad so language learning would be super useful#he's not as good with language as I am but that'll just mean I get to help him with it#anyway. I think I'm gonna dig out a notebook and start planning how I'm gonna do this#I really really wanna get good enough to read books and articles in Spanish. cause reading is cool and great and builds vocab#I think this is only possible now that I've been medicated for a while.#like. I wish I could have done this years ago but I accept the fact that I've been on a journey#and chasing your dreams is only possible once you're in a position to do so. my brain was too fucked before.#so external motivation was the only way I could make progress. whereas now I have the ability to internally motivate.#I can do dishes. clean my room. fold laundry. make food. and finally learn a language in my own way.#I wish language learning apps didn't fucking suck so doggamn much. they're really the worst. even as a kid I hated Rosetta Stone.#I needed to find my own way to learn and I'm still figuring it out but I will. I know I will.#I will be successful and I will chase the things I love in life and even if things go wrong I will work to improve my life#and part of that self actualization is learning the language I've grown up with and yet never learned. and then I can learn other languages#because I genuinely wanna learn a lot of languages. hell I taught myself a little bit of spoken elvish as a kid. it's in my blood I guess.#being monolingual is genuinely distressing for me tbh.#shit I should ask my sibling for book recommendations and I can buy something to start pulling vocabulary from.#for now I can pull words from songs or tv. that's a good starting point. even if I prefer the aesthetic of studying a book#except first I'm gonna fold my laundry and change my bedsheets#bye y'all
0 notes
Text
Goddammit I miss that cat.
#my wife's cat Prince died of cancer in March#he was so fucking ornery and particular about everything; he was named because of his regal look but he acted like a spoiled prince too#the kind of beautiful super fuzzy cat that didn't like anyone but their owner and was just plain mean to anyone but them#in a way that just tormented your soul because if you could just get that cat to somehow tolerate you.....#..... it might mean you were incredibly special#i mean i know that sounds dumb but that was the feeling. that became a minor goal in life to everyone who met him#he wasn't special otherwise by any means#she swears he was very human like but no I've raised 40+ cats in my life (17 of them live with me now)#he was a normal cat he was just very very beautiful and very spoiled and#if you spend enough time with any mammal you both learn each others patterns and that is a bonding experience for both so i get it#he got squamos cell carcinoma so far back on his tongue that they couldn't even operate on it#and like I said I've raised 40+ cats as well as dogs and birds‚ death is a part of pet ownership I've accepted that‚ I'm very okay with it#but I spent more money on three different specialists trying to treat him.....#.....than i have ever spent combined on every other cat I've owned for the last 25 years#and that's not admitting I don't take my cats to the vet#every cat I have ever owned gets neutered/spayed‚ vaccinated‚ and flea meds at the MINIMUM#it's admitting I spent more money treating him than some people spend on student loans#and i mean most of it was because as strongly as I felt for him I knew she felt a trillion times stronger#there was nothing she wouldn't have done for him#i think my heart broke the worst when we were putting him down and she sobbed 'how am i going to live without you' like i was a stranger#she would have easily plunged a knife in my gut if she was certain it would save his life#i can't fathom feeling that strongly for a pet and yet I'm quietly crying in my truck because i miss his stupid face#though now that i typed it all out maybe the truth is.................. you know what nevermind#will probably delete this tomorrow who tf knows#op#ranting
0 notes
Note
I don't know if framing people talking about israel as "masquerading as freedom fighters" in the current political climate is particularly fair or accurate
Okay. Do you have, perhaps, an actual reason why that would an unfair or inaccurate statement. I said something insulting in frustration over a political movement that, in my eyes, has achieved virtually nothing insofar as American military funding goes over the course of six months. Literally the only progress that seems to have been made is that Israel has successfully murdered enough civilians that even those very much invested in maintaining a country in the Middle East with a strong military and unseverable diplomatic and economic ties to the West are starting to question whether the bad PR is worth it. Perhaps you know more about this than me and have been following the news more closely- in that case, I would appreciate some evidence that the voice of American protestors and broad-range boycotts had some material effect on conditions in the West Bank. To my eyes, any change the American government is enacting can be more accurately attributed to not wanting to increase hostilities with Iran than wanting American leftists to start voting Democrat and put money into the military industrial complex. A couple meaningless corporations have pulled meaningless PR stunts, but the actual amount of money going into Israel has, as far as I am aware, not changed due to civilian pressure. And frankly, yes, I do think quite a lot of young and woefully historically illiterate Americans want to feel as though they have discovered a 100% perfect and just solution to a problem older than they are that they are utterly unaffected by. I've no doubt they are also capable of supporting causes I do not find justified if fed enough propaganda.
#It is so unbelievably irritating to have every opinon I express on my personal blog with ~50 followers attract a random anon#Ready to A. Read it in the worst faith possible and B. Take umbrage to my wording and none of the actual points being made#I'm some fucking guy on the internet. If you're not my friend why do you care and if you are why are you communicating in this way#This is a personal blog with a very small following. What I say on here does little to effect anything but my own image#Like maybe this is unfair because I DO like to debate things (civilly) especially with people who share a level of understanding with me#But I have never gotten an anon that seems to want to actually talk to me and share opinions and not just sort of.. Idk extract an apology?#Also if yet again somebody sends me some argumentative shit and then does not bother to respond I might scream#If you say things to me I will become invested in my response. I care about the things I say and believe them#If you are so unbothered that you'll start a discussion and then forget about it forever... Maybe just don't fucking bother me
0 notes
Text
study leave diaries !!!
#exams are done!!!!#but they went genuinely! terribly!#the worst set of exams ive ever done i think ive dropped at least two grades in some subjects#and yet we continue :/#sick of being academic#maybe i should take a gap year... all things to think about#spoke to my therapist yesterday.. she thinks i might have chronic fatigue or me and backs up my fibro suspicions#nice to be validated for once
1 note
·
View note
Text
Preindustrial travel, and long explanations on why different distances are like that
Update March 1, 2024: Hey there folks, here's yet another update! I reposted Part 2a (the "medieval warhorses" tangent) to my writing blog, and I went down MORE of the horse-knowledge rabbit hole! https://www.tumblr.com/jadevine/741423906984951808/my-post-got-cut-off-so-i-added-the-rest-of-it Update Jan 30, 2024: Hey folks, I've posted the updated version of this post on my blog, so I don't have to keep frantically telling everyone "hey, that's the old version of this post!" https://thebalangay.wordpress.com/2024/01/29/preindustrial-travel-times-part-1/
I should get the posts about army travel times and camp followers reformatted and posted to my blog around the end of the week, so I'll filter through my extremely tangled thread for them.
Part 2 - Preindustrial ARMY travel times: https://www.tumblr.com/jadevine/739342239113871360/now-for-a-key-aspect-that-many-people-often-ask
Part 2a - How realistic warhorses look and act, because the myth of "all knights were mounted on huge clunky draft horses" just refuses to die: https://www.tumblr.com/jadevine/732043691180605440/helpful-things-for-action-writers-to-remember
Part 3 - Additional note about camp followers being regular workers AND sex-workers: https://www.tumblr.com/jadevine/740604203134828544/reblogging-the-time-looped-version-of-my
--
I saw a post on my main blog about how hiking groups need to keep pace with their slowest member, but many hikers mistakenly think that the point of hiking is "get from Point A to Point B as fast as possible" instead of "spending time outdoors in nature with friends," and then they complain that a new/less-experienced/sick/disabled hiker is spoiling their time-frame by constantly needing breaks, or huffing and puffing to catch up.
I run into a related question of "how long does it take to travel from Point A to Point B on horseback?" a lot, as a fantasy writer who wants to be SEMI-realistic; in the Western world at least, our post-industrial minds have largely forgotten what it's like to travel, both on our own feet and in groups.
People ask the new writer, "well, who in your cast is traveling? Is getting to Point B an emergency or not? What time of year is it?", and the newbies often get confused as to why they need so much information for "travel times." Maybe new writers see lists of "preindustrial travel times" like a primitive version of Google Maps, where all you need to do is plug in Point A and Point B.
But see, Google Maps DOES account for traveling delays, like different routes, constructions, accidents, and weather; you as the person will also need to figure in whether you're driving a car versus taking a bus/train, and so you'll need to figure out parking time or waiting time for the bus/train to actually GET THERE.
The difference between us and preindustrial travelers is that 1) we can outsource the calculations now, 2) we often travel for FUN instead of necessity.
The general rule of thumb for preindustrial times is that a healthy and prime-aged adult on foot, or a rider/horse pair of fit and prime-aged adults, can usually make 20-30 miles per day, in fair weather and on good terrain.
Why is this so specific? Because not everyone in preindustrial times was fit, not everyone was healthy, not everyone was between the ages of 20-35ish, and not everyone had nice clear skies and good terrain to travel on.
If you are too far below 18 years old or too far past 40, at best you will need either a slower pace or more frequent breaks to cover the same distance, and at worst you'll cut the travel distance in half to 10 or so miles. Too much walking is VERY BAD on too-young/old knees, and teenagers or very short adults may just have short legs even if they're fine with 8-10 hours of actual walking. Young children may get sick of walking and pitch a fit because THEY'RE TIREDDDDDDDDDD, and then you might need to stay put while they cry it out, or an adult may sigh and haul them over their shoulder (and therefore be weighed down by about 50lbs of Angry Child).
Heavy forests, wetlands and rocky hills/mountains are also going to be a much shorter "distance" per day. For forests or wetlands, you have to account for a lot of villagers going "who's gonna cut down acres of trees for one road? NOT ME," or "who's gonna drain acres of swamp for one road? NOT ME." Mountainous regions have their traveling time eaten by going UP, or finding a safer path that goes AROUND, so by the time you're done slogging through drier patches of wetlands or squeezing through trees, a deceptively short 10-15 miles in rough terrain might take you a whole day to walk instead of the usual half-day.
If you are traveling in freezing winters or during a rainstorm (and this inherently means you HAVE NO CHOICE, because nobody in preindustrial times would travel in bad weather if they could help it), you run the high risk of losing your way and then dying of exposure or slipping and breaking your neck, just a few miles out of the town/village.
Traveling in TOO-HOT weather is just as bad, because pushing yourself too hard and getting dehydrated at noon in the tropics will literally kill you. It's called heat-STROKE, not "heat-PARTY."
And now for the upper range of "traveling on horseback!"
Fully mounted groups can usually make 30-40 miles per day between Point A and Point B, but I find there are two unspoken requirements: "Point B must have enough food for all those people and horses," and "the mounted party DOESN'T need to keep pace with foot soldiers, camp followers, or supply wagons."
This means your mounted party would be traveling to 1) a rendezvous point like an ally's camp or a noble's castle, or 2) a town/city with plenty of inns. Maybe they're not literally going 30-40 miles in one trip, but they're scouting the area for 15-20 miles and then returning to their main group. Perhaps they'd be going to an allied village, but even a relatively small group of 10-20 warhorses will need 10-20 pounds of grain EACH and 20-30 pounds of hay EACH. 100-400 pounds of grain and 200-600 pounds of hay for the horses alone means that you need to stash supplies at the village beforehand, or the village needs to be a very large/prosperous one to have a guaranteed large surplus of food.
A dead sprint of 50-60 miles per day is possible for a preindustrial mounted pair, IF YOU REALLY, REALLY HAVE TO. Moreover, that is for ONE day. Many articles agree that 40 miles per day is already a hard ride, so 50-60 miles is REALLY pushing the envelope on horse and rider limits.
NOTE: While modern-day endurance rides routinely go for 50-100 miles in one day, remember that a preindustrial rider will not have the medical/logistical support that a modern endurance rider and their horse does.
If you say "they went fifty miles in a day" in most preindustrial times, the horse and rider's bodies will get wrecked. Either the person, their horse, or both, risk dying of exhaustion or getting disabled from the strain.
Whether you and your horse are fit enough to handle it and "only" have several days of defenselessness from severe pain/fatigue (and thus rely on family/friends to help you out), or you die as a heroic sacrifice, or you aren't QUITE fit enough and become disabled, or you get flat-out saved by magic or another rider who volunteers to go the other half, going past 40 miles in a day is a "Gondor Calls For Aid" level of emergency.
As a writer, I feel this kind of feat should be placed VERY carefully in a story: Either at the beginning to kick the plot off, at the climax to turn the tide, or at the end.
Preindustrial people were people--some treated their horses as tools/vehicles, and didn't care if they were killed or disabled by pushing them to their limits, but others very much cared for their horses. They needed to keep them in working condition for about 15-20 years, and they would not dream of doing this without a VERY good reason.
—
UPDATE January 13: Several people have gotten curious and looked at maps, to find out how a lot of cities are indeed spread out at a nice distance of 20-30 miles apart! I love getting people interested in my hyperfixations, lol.
But remember that this is the space between CITIES AND TOWNS. There should never be a 20-mile stretch of empty wilderness between City A and Town B, unless your world explains why folks are able to build a city in the middle of nowhere, or if something has specifically gone wrong to wipe out its supporting villages!
Period pieces often portray a shining city rising from a sea of picturesque empty land, without a single grain field or cow pasture in sight, but that city would starve to death very quickly in preindustrial times.
Why? Because as Bret Devereaux mentions in his “Lonely Cities” article (https://acoup.blog/2019/07/12/collections-the-lonely-city-part-i-the-ideal-city/), preindustrial cities and towns must have nearby villages (and even smaller towns, if large and prosperous enough!) to grow their food for them.
The settlements around a city will usually be scattered a few miles apart from each other, usually clustered along the roads to the city gates. Those villages and towns at the halfway point between cities (say 10-15 miles) are going to be essential stops for older/sick folks, merchants with cargo, and large groups like noble’s retinues and army forces.
Preindustrial armies and large noble retinues usually can’t make it far past 10-12 miles per day, as denoted in my addition to this post. (https://www.tumblr.com/jadevine/739342239113871360/now-for-a-key-aspect-that-many-people-often-ask )
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
ANYWAYS all bitching aside guess whos seeing rammstein in dublin next year !!!!!!!
#feuerzone babeyyy !!! 🔥🔥🔥#already booked a place 2 stay..... now just gotta figure out airfare.....#eternally resentful that i live in the national capital and yet i still have 2 fly thru fucking toronto to get anywhere#thought maybe i could fly outta mtl for cheaper bc thats an easy train ride away n my brother did that 2 get 2 geneva#but while its still cheaper than out of ottawa i uhhhh would still have 2 change at toronto. Make It Make Sense !!!!#so. might just take the train 2 toronto..... more expensive than a bus but comfier and still under $100 aka cheaper than a flight#flying outta ottawa 2 dublin was starting around $1200..... out of toronto more like starting from $850-$950 :(#but hey! direct from toronto! none of that ott->tor->copenhagen->stockholm->helsinki bullshit from this yr lmao#I Can Never Fly To Copenhagen Again. worst most uncomfortable flight of my life for zero apparent reason. my body just rebelled. horrible.#sorry @ the city of copenhagen im sure ur lovely i just have a weak constitution ig
0 notes
Text
</3
#pro tip#do not use online recommended tips for controlling your anxiety#they told me to read a fucking poem i liked to get my mind off shit#and now im breathing wrong and crying and shaking and clammy for two reasons#it wasnt even a sad poem or anything it is one thats always brought me joy#but like thats the thing about depression its gonna make you not enjoy the things you love#and you forget how to love them because it takes your memories your thoughts it takes everything#and iky im like this its anxiety its depression its a (open) secret third thing thats worse than both combined#and i cant will it away with a lovely poem at least not this one maybe but every pretty word i can think of rn#they taste acrid its burning my throat it feels like the worst heart burn yet because it feels like my heart is on fire#and the smoke is suffocating me from the inside out#and im screaming im screaming but no noise is coming out the soot is choking me the ashes are all that’ll be left#i wonder if i’ll be exhausted extinguished still existing by the end of this#because i have to believe theres an end even tho i cant see it rn#its like god in a sense because i have to have faith in the ever unknown#but i have a shitty relationship with religion with devotion specifically#i cant like myself much less want better for her#i miss the person i was before#i see pictures and i looked happy and i was bigger but i miss her#every year i mourn the person i was and the person i couldve been and i hope the best for who i might be but i dont have any hope myself#anyway wake me up when september ends please i need to put this month behind me#more than that im a coward and i was raised in a nonconfrontational household that never resolves issues just#spend three days being weird and moody w each other and then pretending like it never happened#i was set up w the generational trauma and homosexuality like pick a struggle god said no <3
0 notes
Text
‧₊˚✧ ❛[ it's a gift (you keep those) ]❜
ft. logan howlett x f! reader — xmen, marvel
╰₊✧ giving him a plushie that reminded you of him┊1k words
setting: deadpool & wolverine (2024) worst! logan contains: fluff, crushes, probably ooc but he’s so cute & wade is hard to write for, written for dp&w logan so idk if he got gifts in xmen, i forgot about laura, they are in touch and have a wonderful father-daughter relationship, i’m so sorry, edited
➤ author's note: i have so many thoughts but too incompetent to write
logan’s never sure who will appear when he opens the door as wade’s quite the extrovert, either vanessa or one of his many other friends whom he’s now become somewhat acquainted with, but he certainly wasn’t expecting to meet the familiar eyes of the cute neighbor who lived a few doors down. he nervously scratched the back of his head, suddenly becoming aware of his shabby appearance, “uh, are you looking for wade?”
“no, i was actually looking for you!” god, your smile is so bright, it’s blinding. he normally hates perfume of any sort as it’s so overpowering to his heightened senses, but the one that you wore smelled so lovely like always. is that a new shade of lip gloss you’re wearing? it really suits you. (why on earth is he noticing all of these details out of the blue? he needs to snap out of whatever spell you put on him after being introduced when he first showed up and only interacting in passing since then).
“looking for me?” he repeated, in disbelief, trying his best not to allow his surprise to slip into his voice. considering he isn’t from this dimension and not the most agreeable person to be around, he had no friends of his own yet and hasn’t been visited by anyone since he got here. a beat of panic struck him, thinking that he was in trouble for something and you came to complain. he really couldn’t think of any other reason you were here for him even though you were so cheerful.
you were carrying some shopping bags with you, dropping them on the ground before reaching into one and pulling out a large fuzzy plushie of a gray cat hidden under layers of glittery tissue paper, “i saw this cutie when i went shopping with my friends and thought it looked like you!” you held it out for him to take, looking so proud of the stuffed animal.
he hesitated for a second before accepting it, trying to take in the fact that you were reminded of him in your day-to-day life. it made his heart flutter, and he found himself dumbfounded by the feeling. he was frequently teased by his roomate about his little “crush” on you, claiming that it was oh so obvious and that the sooner he accepted it, the better, but he never realized until now how pathetic he was when it came to you. was the wolverine really getting butterflies like a fucking schoolgirl in his old-ass age? thank god no one was home right now to bully him about it, he would never hear the end of it.
“it does not look like me,” he scoffed playfully after a quick examination.
“no, it definitely does! it’s a big, grumpy kitty—” you took a step closer to hold it with him, pointing at all the similarities you observed, although it was clear you were exaggerating for laughs. “see the little frowny face and ears? it could be your identical twin separated from birth! willy mentioned that you act like a cat most of the time, and i think it fits perfectly!”
the smile he didn’t realize was plastered on his face faltered at the last piece of information, grateful that you didn’t notice. that idiot has been talking about him to you? he might as well forget about any chance of getting with you, because knowing how he yaps without a filter and loves to play matchmaker, you probably think he’s a freak of some sort. “only good things, i hope…”
you giggled, the sweetest sound he ever heard. “of course, he’s really fond of you… well, maybe a bit too fond, but you already know about that!” you opened your mouth to continue the conversation or say something else, but your phone started ringing and you excused yourself, looking a little shy as you grabbed up your bags. “i’ll talk to you later!” you sounded so excited about the prospect of it before leaving, your voice and footsteps becoming fainter as you walked back to your place.
“wait, you didn’t take back the cat—”
“it’s a gift! you keep those!”
“oh… right…”
he lingered for a moment, unable to say much in response since you left in such a rush. when was the last time someone gave him a present? staring at this brand new item, he still couldn’t see the resemblance in any way, but knowing that it was a gift from you gave him a rare feeling of happiness which returned every time he looked at it from then on among his few possessions.
“oh my goodness, what is this adorable thing?!” wade exclaimed when he saw it sitting on the couch where logan slept, picking it up to gawk at before tossing it up in the air and catching it before it hit the floor. “ooh, let me guess, it’s a gift from her, isn’t it?”
the mutant groaned at his mocking tone. “put it down before you ruin it with your grubby hands,” he commanded, snatching it from his grasp (rough enough to make his point clear, but carefully enough not to tear it apart). his roommate didn’t even bother pretending to be offended like he usually would as he was simply overjoyed that his “ship” was coming true. “it doesn’t mean anything, don’t make it weird.”
“it doesn’t mean anything?! how can you say that when it’s going to be the first gift you give to your first child together—”
“first what??”
“nevermind, what are you gonna name it?”
“i have to name it?”
“have you never owned a stuffed animal before? you have to name it! how heartbroken is she going to be when she asks what you named it and you say that you haven’t done that?! she’s gonna think that you don’t value her gifts!” you would think the world was going to end if he didn’t do so if you heard the way he was speaking.
“fine, i’ll name it…” he looked deeply into the toy’s soulless eyes, noting how soft the outer material was against his calloused hand, “... fluffy…”
“that’s such a shitty name—”
“shut the fuck up, it’s been decided.”
#📜. her works#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine#wolverine x reader#hugh jackman#x men#x men x reader#marvel#marvel x reader
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
Batman opened the door, catching the falling body that had come out of the tube. Glowing green Lazarus water flowed around his feet, but he didn’t care. He gently laid the boy onto the ground, listening for breathing sounds. But he wasn’t even sure if his species could breathe. The boy was no older than Tim, with stark-white hair, and pale green skin. The boy wasn’t human, that was for sure, but as to what species he was, Batman had no clue. The teenager hadn’t even opened his eyes since being removed from the tube.
The Lazarus water didn’t smell quite like the pits he was used to. The water smelled cleaner, stronger. Less like battery acid and more like a strong-scented cleaner that he couldn’t give a name to.
He grasped the boy by the shoulders as he picked him up bridal style. He needed to take the boy to the cave, and figure out if he was even alive. A regular hospital wouldn’t be able to do anything for him.
“Batman, we’ve apprehended the last of the men in white suits.” Red Robin said over the comms.
“Good,” His voice was gruff, “Make sure they don’t escape before police arrive.”
Tim didn’t bother saying anything else to him. Neither of them were in the mood for jokes. Not after what they had seen tonight. They had stumbled across a lab in Gotham in an abandoned warehouse. They had thought that it was a Joker hideout when they first arrived, but they had quickly found out that wasn’t the case. After they had began to investigate, they had found corpses of many people that had been thrown into a pit. The bodies had evidence of vivisection, torture, and experimentation. The bodies had ranged from children to adults, but the results were all the same. They were all dead.
They had found tubes like the ones used at Cadmus. They held a few humanoid-species, but most of them looked like they were in varying stages of death. The only tube that looked like it held someone living had been the teenage boy he now held in his arms.
The worst thing about all of this were that they had no idea what this place was, what they were doing, or why they were in Gotham. They had stumbled in by mistake.
He had a lot of work to do.
“No survivors.” Nightwing’s voice sounded. Not even Dick was in a good mood anymore, and he had been joking around for the last few hours.
Batman looked down at the boy in his arms. The boy hadn’t stirred once, hadn’t moved, and hadn’t breathed. He might be carrying a corpse for all he knew.
“And the files?” He prompted.
“Downloading.” Red Robin’s voice was grim. “You’re not going to like it.”
He didn’t like anything about this situation already. How could it get any worse?
“From what I can tell from skimming through the files,” Red Robin continued, “They were experimenting with people’s souls. They killed all of these people because they wanted to catch their ghost.”
“Hrrn.” He looked away from the teenager in his arms. Maybe he didn’t have a corpse in his arms—but a ghost. A ghost of a teenager he failed to save.
What if it had been Tim lying in his arms? Dick? Jason? Damian? Did this teenager have parents before he died, or were his parents in the pit?
The boy stirred, whipping Bruce’s attention back to him. The boy moaned in pain, starting to writhe in his arms.
“You’re safe now.” He said to the boy. “You’re saved.”
“Nnnngh.” The boy opened Lazarus green eyes to look at him. The eyes were hazy, as if exhaustion plagued them. “Batman?”
“They won’t hurt you ever again.” He promised.
“Where is my sister?” The boy asked. “They took her.”
Dick’s words played on repeat in his mind. No survivors. But the boy didn’t need to know that. Not yet.
“We’re still searching the base. She’ll be here somewhere.” He lied.
The boy closed his eyes, letting out a deep sigh. But even with Bruce watching him, the boy did not breathe. Maybe he didn’t need to anymore. Tears leaked down the boy’s cheeks, as if he knew Bruce’s lie.
#dp x dc#dp x dc au#dp x dc writing prompt#dp dc crossover#dp x dc fanfic#dp x dc prompt#danny phantom#danny phantom crossover#dp x dc crossover#dp crossover#dpxdc prompts#dpxdc#dcxdp#dc x dp au#giw#ghost investigation ward#batman
5K notes
·
View notes
Note
mae my lovely, can i possibly request emt!marauders and reader who hasn’t replied to any texts in a few days/a week? pre-established relationship but not quite living together, and reader struggles with her mental health and has holed herself up in her apartment which worries the boys greatly? please don’t write if you feel uncomfortable (and if you’ve already written it but i’ve devoured emt!marauders today and i don’t think you have) obviously!! love you
Thank you for requesting my love! And thanks to @ellecdc for helping me figure out the emt stuff <3
cw: mental health struggles, self isolation
emt!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.5k words
Sirius’ knuckles rap loudly on your door.
“Fuck, ease up.” James winces. “She’s gonna think we’re the cops.”
“Good. Maybe she’ll answer for them.”
“You need to calm down.” Remus’ voice is patience with a firm edge. “We don’t know what’s going on. If we go in angry with her, it’s not going to help anything.”
“I think I have the right to be somewhat miffed,” Sirius argues. “You ghost someone after a first date, not once you’re in a relationship. It’s fucked.”
“She’s not ghosting us,” James says certainly. Sirius’ mouth pinches in response.
James knows that, truly, his boyfriend is as worried as any of them. You’re well past the point in your relationship where you feel the need to establish the next time you’re going to meet before parting, but after your date last week it took the boys a few days to put it together that none of them had heard from you.
At first, James presumed you’d simply gotten busy. Remus was convinced he’d done something to upset you. Sirius, secretly the most prone to worry, would rather believe he’s been slighted than consider the possibility that something might be keeping you from responding to their calls. Now that it’s been nearly a week, James is convinced something’s happened. You’ve had to take an emergency trip out of town or something’s spooked you and made you avoid them or—worst case scenario—you’re ill and have been holed up here with no one to check in on you for almost a week.
Once he brought up that idea, it wasn’t difficult to convince his boyfriends to do a wellness check during their shift.
“Just don’t be harsh with her,” Remus says gently.
Sirius huffs. He knocks again, albeit somewhat softer.
“NHS,” he calls.
James holds his breath when he hears some shuffling from inside. Gradually, it gets closer and louder, until the door is creaking open and you’re peering through the crack.
Your voice is scratchy, like you haven’t used it in a while. “What’re you doing here?”
James expects Sirius to snipe at you, is already prepared to smooth it over himself with kinder words and a gentler tone, but something seems to shift in the other boy at the sight of you. He pushes through the crack in your door, hugging you fiercely.
“We…” Remus seems as thrown by this deviation as James is. “We thought we ought to check up on you.”
Your hand migrates up, touching Sirius’ back tentatively. “Why?”
“It’s a wellness check.” Sirius’ voice is bitter, but the effect is somewhat muddled by how he’s speaking into your neck. “We had reason to believe you could be harmed or deceased.”
“Oh,” you murmur.
James takes a moment to look you over. You’re in pajamas, visibly rumpled, and yet you look as tired as if you’ve not slept in some time. There’s something off about your expression, something missing that he can’t put his finger on. It’s unsettling in a way that makes him want to wrap you up in a tight cuddle and not let go.
“Are you okay?” he asks, perhaps more brash than he means to be. Normally he’d expect more tact from himself, but he’s shocked Sirius hasn’t asked yet, and someone has to.
“Can we come in?” Remus asks at the same time.
You look between them like you’re not sure what to do with them. Like you’re questioning whether you’re still in some sort of dream.
“Yeah,” you say after a moment. James gets the sense you mean it to answer both of them. You step back from the door to make room for them, and Sirius moves with you. “Um, forewarning, it’s really bad in here.”
Really bad by your standards isn’t the same as James’. If he hadn’t seen the way you normally keep things, he’d never notice anything was amiss. Your place smells a bit stale, like when you leave for a weekend and then come home. There’s a laundry basket on the floor with a few balled socks like you’d started to fold them and given up, and if he peers into your bedroom he can see a small trash pile on your floor and the covers of your bed all twisted up. It’s no worse than his side of the dorm he’d shared with Remus and Sirius in school.
“What happened?” Sirius asks you. His voice sounds clearer now, and James focuses back in to find that he’s let you go enough to press his forehead to yours. His brow and lips are pinched. “Why have you been avoiding us?”
James is nearly overcome by the desire to kiss him and rub his back, but he decides to let you have the honor, if you want it.
You look unsure whether you do.
“I’m sorry.” The words seem scraped out from some aching part of you. “I wasn’t trying to.”
“Then why didn’t you answer our calls?” Sirius’ tone matches yours for desperation. Remus’ expression twinges compassionately.
“I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Sirius,” Remus chides softly.
Your shoulders are slumped, but when Sirius moves away you seem to droop further. He’s only giving you space, his expression far from unkind.
“Why couldn’t you pick up, dove?” Remus asks gently.
“I…” Your eyes meander the floor. “I didn’t know what to talk about. And then my phone died, and it was just easier. I’m really sorry.”
“Is talking to us really that bad?” Sirius is clearly making an attempt at joking, but the heartache underlying his words is unmissable.
“No,” you sigh. “I’m just not really fit for the world right now. I didn’t want you to worry.”
James’ ribs hurt at your admission, but he feels himself nodding. Even if he doesn’t know exactly what it is you’re dealing with, he’s familiar with people who think they’re somehow so damaged they don’t deserve to engage with anyone or anything. Sirius was like that once. Remus even more often. He sees the recognition on both of their faces now, pity and love and regret all tangled up into one messy thing.
“Well, it was a noble effort,” says James, giving you a small smile, “but you can’t stop us worrying. Can I hug you?”
You nod, making an effort towards returning his smile. It’s a half-hearted, flickering thing, but he appreciates it nonetheless.
He kisses your forehead as he folds you into his arms, starting gentle and tightening when you hug him back. Your grip feels a bit weak, if ardent. James pushes his palm up your spine.
“Have you eaten today, sweetheart?”
Your hum in the negative vibrates against his skin.
“I’ll make us something.” Remus starts toward the kitchen, passing a hand over James’ curls as he goes by. “A sandwich alright, dovey?”
“Yeah,” you murmur. “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.” His voice raises as he enters the kitchen, and James knows he wants you to hear. To understand that this is something he would happily do for you.
“Let’s sit down,” James suggests. “Pads, would you mind opening the curtains some?”
Sirius complies with vigor, whipping open your drapes while James gets you situated on the couch. In the light, the shadows under your eyes are more evident, as is the redness in them.
James squishes you up against his side. Rubs up and down your arm. “It’s okay,” he murmurs.
You make a tiny, stymied sound, and turn your head down.
“Hey.” Sirius sits on your other side. He kisses your shoulder, worry hewn into the lines of his face. “What’s wrong?”
Your shoulders give a little shake. It’s small, defeated. You curl further in on yourself.
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to explain,” James tells you, continuing to drag his hand up your arm. “It’s okay. You’re alright.”
“I wanted—” You take in a wet inhale. He feels close to tears himself. “I wanted to be better when I saw you. I’m sorry.”
“We don’t need you to be any sort of way, sweetheart.” Sirius’ voice is soft but fervent. “We just want to be with you.”
“As much as you’ll let us,” James agrees. His own voice is thick, and Sirius slides his arm around you to rub between his shoulders.
You don’t say much after that. James holds you tight until your trembling stops, and even then he only loosens his grip to let you eat the grilled cheese Remus has made for you. From the wrappers he saw in your room, it’s likely the closest thing to a prepared meal you’ve had in some time.
When you’re done eating, Sirius insists on kissing the saltiness from your cheeks even though your tears have dried. Remus coaxes you into a bath while James and Sirius tidy your room and change your sheets, and then Remus enlists Sirius to shampoo your hair while he tucks your sheets in more effectively. They put your phone on the charger. James makes dinner and puts it in the fridge for you to have later. None of it fixes anything, but he hopes it makes you feel less alone.
When they have to go out for another call, Remus gives you a long hug, James makes you agree to go on a walk with him the next day, and Sirius threatens to pester you with calls until you block his number if you ignore them ever again.
Your eye roll at his antics makes James’ heart sing.
#emt!marauders#emt!marauders x reader#marauders au#poly!marauders#poly!marauders x reader#poly!marauders x fem!reader#poly!marauders x you#poly!marauders x y/n#poly!marauders x self insert#poly!marauders fanfiction#poly!marauders fanfic#poly!marauders fic#poly!marauders hurt/comfort#poly!marauders imagine#poly!marauders scenario#poly!marauders drabble#poly!marauders blurb#poly!marauders one shot#poly!marauders oneshot#james potter#james potter x reader#sirius black#sirius black x reader#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#marauders#marauders fanfiction#marauders fandom#hp marauders#the marauders
1K notes
·
View notes