#this might be my most embarrassing post
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Mekki Leeper as Matt Pearson...
#st denis medical#this is kyle as dale all over again and gubler as reid#i gotta stop doing this#its always “look at this peculiar little guy who is the punching bag of the writers#what if you really liked him and found his actor hot (or a transition goal perhaps im not sure)#lowkey also finn as miles and#steve martin as orin...#i gotta pull it together#this might be my most embarrassing post#simply because I have finding real men attractive#like im legit aroace (currently at least) but the aesthetic attraction persists#i need to be put down#its NOT late enough for me to be spewing this shit#I'll just think about Kubokai and push down my lonely bitch thoughts#cant belive i have a traceable history of this shit
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im gonna start posting fanfic recs btw whenever i find good ones. both here and my (awfully barren) 18+ account. because there are so many good fics out there with so few hits and fewer kudos and sometimes no comments period and it SUCKS because i REALLY LIKE THEM A LOT.. and i hope that by linking them here and yelling at everyone to COMMENT DAMMIT they might actually do it
seriously though any comment means a lot. most people who read a fic don’t even give a kudos. even if the fic wasn’t top tier, if you didn’t dislike it, hand over some kudos!! and if you liked it, comment!!!! even if the comment is one singular heart emoji it will be appreciated. if the comment just says “great fic!” the author will be happy. your comment doesn’t have to be this long winded gushing or analysis.
so many authors quit writing or lose motivation because the comments are few and far in between or just sometimes nonexistent. trust me when i say authors don’t care about how long or cool or smart sounding your comment is i promise!!!
i hope that mmmaybe recommending fics and telling people to comment might help fics i really like get more support maybe. and i, points at you reading this, hope that you will listen!!!at least a little….at least sum kudos….
#if u have the ability to reply to my reblog saying how much you loved the fic i recommended comment on the fic itself so the author can see!#especially since the rise of ai writing and seeing ai fics out there can be disheartening#make sure you let your writers know you appreciate them#you never know they might one day write a sequel bc your comment touched them#or might get the motivation to make more works.#(but don’t just comment bc you expect something out of it btw. sometimes the author might be too intimidated to reply ive seen that before)#im a huge yapper. if you can’t tell. lmfao.#and i mostly comment on guest. like 99% of the time because the fics are either really embarrassing#or i get nervous about them knowing me/finding my tumblr and thinking im cringw#bc i admire authors so much. and I get that nervousness! given I experience it!!! but guest mode EXISTS!!! most work allows you to comment#on guest mode!! the author CANT see the email you use for it!!! the only reason they even ask is to give you notifs if theres a reply to it!#a comment is still a comment even if on guest or an alt or your main#even if the fic is embarrassing shameful depraved smut you can log out and comment on guest. even if it’s embarrassing#because the author still worked HARD. it’s so hard to write. people don’t give enough credit to fic authors who do it for free#i had an account (now super abandoned) that had over 400k words. and that didn’t include wips#i reallg do struggle to write because i took a break for so long!!! i can write but not nearly as much as I used to!!! and it sucks!!!#support your authors guys. 1k words is an hour for the first draft at MINIMUM and another hour for revision and editing. and people get#pissy if a fic chapter is less than 3-4k words for some reason. that’s 6-8 hours of work at MINIMUM. likely so much more because there’s#also plotting and brainstorming and So. Much. Editing. stressing out over words and sentence structure. it takes so much time out of your#day. the only oneshot i have posted on this account is 2460 words. and it took me SEVEN HOURS#seven hours!!!! that’s a lot!!!! and for authors that have school or demanding jobs that kind of time is hard to come by!!!!!#and I hope i have convinced at least one of you to listen and go okay you know what. i will. because even if it’s a silly comment it’s loved#tldr support your local fanfic authors of you will be so stabbed. by me#fanfiction#fanfic#archive of our own#ao3#comment on fics#wick fic recs#that’s the rec tag btw. wow custom tags AGAIN i know. im doing what i thought i never would
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"Do it scared this, do it stupid that" do it out of SPITE. Do it out of vengeance. Do it out of love. Want to prove others wrong? Do it to prove a point and be victorious. You're your own biggest enemy? Do it to prove YOURSELF wrong. In the end, you're the one to do it, so choose one motivator (or none!), and get out there and DO IT
#this is a pep talk to myself#i just spent the last hour journaling and reflecting on what's happened this year and what i want#getting older and thinking about where you are and what you want is ... interesting#my birthday was last month but I've only given myself the time to think about life today#and what I've decided is to gently hit myself on the head and be grateful for what I have#and also to go out there and get the things i want#I'm going to do it as a big screw you to myself#I'm my biggest enemy and I'm going to prove myself wrong :D#macy speaks#sorry this is a wild rant post but I'm very inspired right now#let's hope i keep up with this XD#what i want is another hualian tattoo!! for now#that's doable and I'll get it done as soon as i can!!#oh my god this is embarrassing I might delete it later#and most importantly#do it for hualian!!!!
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i think every fandom needs to have a tag for "hey creators do NOT look at this actually" like TMA has with donotarchive. not even for porn i just can't risk any of the cast seeing my deeply deeply embarrassing posts about how absolutely convinced and emotionally invested i am that Hermie is going to be fine
#dndads#hermie the unworthy#why is liking things the most embarrassing thing in the world sometimes#“ooooh look at me i really like this character and i think about him all the time. yeah someone else made him up#yeah they might see my posts about it and i would have no way of knowing.“ christ alive dude
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been working on answering a prompt i received in an ask the other day, and so i'm back thinking about... the Thing... 💖🎀 and thought maybe prompt doodles might help me work through this a little?
so uhhh.... if by any wild chance anyone has any ship suggestions for starstruck...??? feel free to send them through!
#this is *only* for starstruck and is not general requests! i'm just trying to figure out how i feel about this 😳#obviously no guarantees that i will be confident enough to draw any of these or that i'll enjoy them all but i just... am considering it?#idk idk idk is this stupid....#hope i won't regret this or won't get genuinely weirdass things.#just to be transparent this is sfw exclusively tho implied flirting is a-okay. please don't be weird....? i'm trusting folks to be nice!!#i would also happily take little prompts if you have thoughts about how it would work or whichever! like if you're a character Understander#if you have an idea how it would Work or what it might Be Like that would also help me to get a concept on how i feel about it!!#also i would.. consider ocs (only from their creator) if you... wanna??? character+artist *must* be an adult. starstruck is in her early 30#also with ocs preferably from folks who i've at least interacted with before and like.. not just bc u want art ;;;#like... do u geniunely think they could have a cute dynamic? i'm just wondering if she could be Cute w someone. AUUghhGHHHH#again no promises and also for now i need this all done on the assumption it's just for fun!! just funsies. i'm just... thinking i guess!#want to try and figure out what it might be like if she WAS involved in a little ship/romo space...? as a treat? auughghhggghGHGLLG#also fair warning i may just get super embarrassed/nervous about this all and delete!! but i'm.. yknow. trying!#also i figure you can kind of tell my faves and who i hardly know much about. might not have lots of feelings about most side chars!#delete later#probably#wheeeeeEEEEeeahahahah okay;;; just post it. just post it starflung. just do it. hit the button hit the button hit the b
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Can we perhaps get Ryan ross with books 🤓☝️
Ryan Ross with books or magazines or anything tbh why was this the hardest category yet






Sorry this took 5 years to post it seems like Ryan has been actively avoiding being photographed with anything resembling a book since aprox. 2004
#bro this took me like two weeks#most embarrassing post on this account simply because it is so lukewarm but I couldn't let y'all down#for someone who based the lyrics from his first album so heavily on a book he sure doesnt post pictures of them a lot#also the rimbaud reference in mad as rabbits... my boy obviously knows his literature stuff so why is he in the nerd closet about it#ryan ross#panic at the disco#the young veins#I might add pictures to this if I ever find any more#highly doubt it though
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literally just always writing for one singular person. (that person is me btw)
#astro tries to write#im like two full weeks behind on the tcg smp... yet im back writing in the world lol#and no its not the second chapter to the speedy fic.....#its a fic concept that is fun but will probs never get finished. but is fun for wirting lots of little convos and dynamics#plus its for speedy x hmc.....#like if u thought speedy/slack was a niche ship. i can always one up myself#this is lowkey inspired by a speedyatk prompt. but its been morphing into this instead#but also its kinda not abou them at all.#idk. its just fun to write my ppl#writing the kara and jordan section atm. tbh i feel like im doign a fairly decent job#which i have no idea of knowing if thats true. but it feels nice neotheless#they have a rly easy dynamci to fall back into and i should def write more for them.#(platonic obv. i mean no judgement if u ship them. but i very much dont lol)#anyways. sdfghjk#the other two fics that im kinda working on atm are rpf. so also small audiences. one is gemtho (with a side of transfem etho)#i cannot get her voice right but i keep having good vibes for it. so it might end up being something at least#maybe just a vignette-y thing.#and then also some smosh rpf. for teh last year or two i go through weeks where i get obsessed#and then i go back to not giving a shit#im back to not givig a shit rn. but i was Just in a watch everything phase and a brain bubble did come to my mind#and my other smosh rpf fic while not many comments. did get a number of kudos that made me pleased#but this oen would be at least three scenes. so it probs wont happen#but its stil another little fic project for the enjoyment of me. bc its fkn shayne/trevor. who gives a shit about /that/#literally trevor is my most embarrassing youtube/celebrity crush. hes so basic. but hes in my brain and like dick ig#ppl who read all the way down in these rambly posts. do u end up being annoyed that u did? or like u see into the real bits of me#or idek.#i do want to start properly jounraling again. but until i do. these posts are good to do. it keeps a record of shit im thinking about#and/or doing. and tbh are more fun ad honets than when i do journal#i always feel liek i need to like put my mood down. and what i did irl and such#and often taht stuff is depressing. and then when i look back on it idk what hyperfixation i was even in at that time lmfao
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i knew things were going way too smooth lately..
#i truly fucking hate being alive when will this eeenndddddd#things were not that smooth at all but they were going up and that's never a good fucking sign for me#my job contact got extended until the end of the year and i found a nice little place to rent for a reasonable price#even got a fuckin pay raise that was unlikely and impossible as hell to happen and yet somehow it did#and now im bawling my fuckin eyes out because a friend im in love with got engaged#and i should be so fucking happy for her but I can't and i feel like pure shit because what kind of a friend am i#i fucking hate being in love it NEVER ends well i always catch feelings for the most impossible people ever#im so damn tired i want out#this past year and a half has been fuckin hell and i don't even know what's the point#im so damn tired#in barely held together by 3-5 more or less not that unhealthy coping mechanisms but they are starting to wear out and :)))#i genuinely don't know what to do to feel better. to feel fuckin anything other than being a miserable fuck#i want to enjoy my hobbies. want to enjoy anything literally but everything i do is just an obsessive distraction from my life#whatever man#i hate that i only come here to scream about my shitty life and whine about what made me cry in the past 2 weeks#i found some edits in my drafts from August might post them because why the fuck not 🤷🏻♀️ at least theres something skz related#but for now I'll just dip and keep wishing every night that I don't wake up in the next morning:'))#holy shit im such a whiny idiot. why. just why.#just keep ignoring my text posts please im embarrassing 😭#shut up vivien no one cares
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bro I'm at the level of seasonal depression where my brain is like "maybe I should watch supernatural...."
#damien.txt#<- comfort show is supernatural#for some god foresaken reason. my brain truly has latched onto this show. even tho literally i hate it#they did all of the characters i like the worst they possibly could have. .......yet. the narratives.#this was honestly triggered by a post i saw today abt like. the show having dean's flaw be like 'sam isnt the brother i want him to be#and i tend to treat him in certain (unfair) ways because of that' which is inherently a banger character plot to have#but then the show unironically says 'and dean is 100% valid in this and any action he takes bc of it' and then like a ton of the audience#just believes that wholeheartedly.#this is incredibly paraphrased btw. i might try and go find the post and rb it bc it really hit#anyways yeah. literally thinking abt it forever. spn fucked me up in the brain in so many ways. like... irrevocably changed fr#time to go rewatch the 'i could never go on a quest like that. because i'm not clean' scene for the 60000000th time#truly the scene that had impacted me the most as a person. maybe in all of media#which is.... perhaps incredibly embarrassing kdgdjdhf but also. if you know you know.#supernatural
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hi. so. here's a recording of me singing banks by lincoln. i recorded this in my living room on my phone so the quality is shit but whatever
#howling#cant believe im posting this. fucking terrifying#anyways this was done 100 percent a capella without me listening to a backing track or any sort of metronome#so if im off beat or off key thats why. also done without referencing the lyrics so i fucked up once or twice at the beginning#but yeah no tiktaaliker voice reveal i fucking guess#might nuke this at some point once i come to my senses lol#probably the most embarrassing thing ive posted on here. i just enjoy memorizing random entire songs to belt as a stim sometimes lol#howling for real#<- new voice tag
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tbaf parkner vs wanting to say i love you but not letting themselves say it before they're eighteen bc of their promise to each other vs the relief of finally saying it: two 5+1 fics, one from each pov.
#how did i end up working on tbaf when i was planning to work on hb?#i have no idea#but i also have no complaints#part one of harley's pov (bc he turns 18 before peter) is done#working on part two#i cant remember if this was the one i had planned to post next or not?#and i have the list in my phone which is currently updating and taking ten fucking years to do so#so like.... harley's pov 5+1 might be the next fic in the series#but there also might be another fic before it#should i know this? yes#is it embarrassing that i've had most of the tbaf series planned for YEARS and i cant remember this one thing off the top of my head? kinda#do i care? not as much as i probably should#parkner#tbaf#pt 1 of harleys is their first fight as a couple btw#i never picked out the specifics of what the 5 parts will be#so im tryna pick what part 2 of it should be#anyways happy thursday evening o7
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JUST SOBBED FOR AN HOUR WHILE WATCHING THE YOUNG SHELDON FINALE
#i say embarrassing shit on my blog like 10 times a day but this might be my most embarrassing post#i’ve been watching the big bang theory since i was a kid bc it’s my mom’s favorite show#and i’ve recently moved in with my parents. just in time for the young sheldon finale#so i watched it with my mom#and i also had a couple glasses of wine before watching it#honestly? it was disappointing. but it still made me cry
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cabras by little jesus is THE mizisua song btw
full lyrics translated to english by me under the cut :)
This is the last love letter I'm writing to you
Or the first one, if you want it to
And more than a letter, it's a prayer
To ask you to remember
That we met each other in captivity
When we slept on the floor
When the cold slipped through the grid
And we never opened the door
It's not your fault to love so much
Loving will never be bad
For you to remember that we met each other tired
With our backs contractured
And you had already learnt to lower your weapons
Because you came from an infinite sweetness
And I had war embedded
Because I came from an abysmal wound
It's not your fault to love me so much
Loving will never be bad
Everything has it's rhythm
And we were accelerated
When you met me I already had tachycardia
And when I met you
You already felt absolutely alone.
It's not our fault to love each other so much
Loving will never be bad
I met you taking care of a piece of ill moon
That we made a funeral for on our backyard
With a shoebox full of bougainvillea
We dug with the back of a chair
And realized how hard the dirt was
It's not your fault to love so much
Loving will never be bad
That's why I'm writing to you
To remind you that we started
Like two goats in the middle of fire
That we were always in a hurry
Because that's what happens when you're willing
To risk your life for that you call a home
And because in that home our bodies were so fleeting
That tomorrow we might not exist anymore
It's not our fault to love each other so much
Loving will never be bad
To remind you that we met each other under a death threat
And that at any moment someone could come in
Break the lock
Beat the crap out of us
But we had faith
It's not your fault to love so much
Loving will never be bad
To tell you that believing hurts
That trusting makes you get old
That it makes you kneel
That it makes your body get itself on the edge
And let itself fall
It's not your fault to love me so much
Loving will never be bad
We never had a date
We met each other while fleeting, with our faces covered
And you already know of me that I'm a cloud
And I already know of you that you're a willow
That I'll never be a good moment to leave each other
Because the things that break
Never exist again
It's not our fault to love each other so much
Loving will never be bad
You teached me to not be an escapist
To observe how cats live their pain
And that one doesn't have to regret love
To tell you that I ask for you as I ask for me
And I don't regret
It's not our fault to love each other so much
Loving you will never be bad
I live my pain like cats do
I live this illness of not watching you sleep and I understand it
To tell you I'm preparing my own funeral
Or the funeral of this broken thing
That crashed on the road
It's not our fault to love each other so much
Loving each other will never be bad
I bury another shoe box
Even if I break my arms by digging
Because I don't know how to get out of love whole
But broken
I end as a snake, what I started as a goat
#POSTING THIS AGAIN BC I TRANSLATED SOME STUFF INCORRECTLY THE FIRST TIME AND GOT EMBARRASSED 💔#mizisua#there are some lines that don't work completely with them but most of it is soooooo them i swear#also im sorry if anything is baldy translated as english is my second language and i might not know how to translate everything exactly:(#anyway i LOOOVE this song so much genuinely. i had a lot of fun translating it#lenn.posts#Spotify
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Having brain worms. What if uhhhhhh SOS Mianite au
#this is a fully undeveloped idea but it is simmering#initial thoughts. mog is so champion of ianite. fwip is dianite's.#I'm not convinced of who mianite's is yet but i feel like sausage is desperately vying for the role and getting repeatedly rejected#oli ends up as a reluctant ianitee. he was originally a dianite follower but dianite found him annoying and was a dick so oli ditched him.#ianite finds him funny and decides to pick him up and now he's trying very hard not to mess it up bc she actually respects him#joel would claim not to need any stupid god until he sees how much fun fwip is having causing problems on purpose with dianite and gives in.#his wife joining up with dianite probably also doesn't desuade him in that department#jimmy isn't particularly keen on any of them. he's off doing his own thing#katherine feels very classic mianitee to me.#I've got mixed feelings on Pix. i kind of feel like he should be on his own thing (priest? wizard? something like that)#if not he's ianitee i think. but it takes him awhile to commit#joey's dianitee. eloise feels ianitee to me. shubble probably mianitee.#is that everyone? i think that's everyone#idk if this would be a scenario where the world/plot was more based on mianite or sos honestly#maybe a healthy mix.#do we keep the death/fate coin element? idk idk maybe not? but it doesn't feel like sos without some hardcore element#gotta sit on it#this is the first time in a long time I've just done like straight up stream of consciousness brainstorming in the tags of a post huh#feels very 2020#OWEN I FORGOT OWEN. UH. i feel like he might help balance out the mianite team. i can't put it into worlds but it feels right#he's the type of guy that you look at and immediately think dianite and you're wrong#but i could be tempted to switch him and joey. cause joey did have the whole prison thing in sos which is very mianite#even if he's generally the most dianitee guy i have ever fucking seen#i. i also forgot scott.#embarrassing. I've been watching him the longest and he's the only one on this list I've actually written into mianite crossovers before#uhhhh anyways he feels very true neutral to me. he's another one who i feel like maybe he should be off doing his own thing#if not probably mianite#this is such a mess lmao#i had to put the idea down somewhere before my head exploded sorry
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DID SOMEONE PRAY FOR ME OR SMTH BECAUSE I JUST GOT ASKED OUT BY THE PERSON I'VE LIKED FOR EIGHT MONTHS. LIFE IS GOOD. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. ALL OF YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK I WIN
#MOST INSANE THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME#anyway hope it goes well but i'm incredibly nervous i might fake my death so i don't have to go#but#im so happy rn#i could kiss someone on the mouth#and yk hopefully it's them LMFAO#IGNORE this post#it's just embarrassing teenage screaming
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🫶
#I’m getting hit with a massive wave of nostalgia now#I remember staying up ALL NIGHT working on changing my theme#I used to play in the html and add things#I looooved adding falling snow during the winter#I remember when having a music player at the top or somewhere on your blog was super popular#but ended up being incredibly annoying#cause half of the people put it on autoplay so when you entered someone’s blog you would get blown away by music#I remember having a whole different page for an about me#I wonder if I still have that up on mine#broooo I haven’t looked at my blog page on a laptop or anything in fucking AGES#I’m embarrassed to think what it might look like but whatever#most of us are using mobile anyway#or at least in my mind we are hahaha#so when I first started a blog I think I was in middle school??? like 12 or 13 hahahaha good times#my first url was SO CRINGE and I’m not going to say it cause I’m 😬😬😬😬😬 when I think about it#and then I slowly got more of a following and started doing smoke videos#I miss that community too :(#making smoke videos and tagging a bunch of stoner mutuals to ‘pass the bong/joint’#and then they would make a video and tag me#awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhh#I haven’t logged into that tumblr in AGES omg#but then I decided to post content and I didn’t want to post it on my original blog in case it got flagged or anything#so I made this blog#and here we are 🥰#but man I have SO many memories from my last blog#i made a friend in Belgium and we sent presents back and forth#I think only once but maybe twice#I still have the bracelet she sent me#can’t believe I’ve been on tumblr for most of my life lmao#but I’ve met SO many amazing people that I would have never have met
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