#most of us are using mobile anyway
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#I’m getting hit with a massive wave of nostalgia now#I remember staying up ALL NIGHT working on changing my theme#I used to play in the html and add things#I looooved adding falling snow during the winter#I remember when having a music player at the top or somewhere on your blog was super popular#but ended up being incredibly annoying#cause half of the people put it on autoplay so when you entered someone’s blog you would get blown away by music#I remember having a whole different page for an about me#I wonder if I still have that up on mine#broooo I haven’t looked at my blog page on a laptop or anything in fucking AGES#I’m embarrassed to think what it might look like but whatever#most of us are using mobile anyway#or at least in my mind we are hahaha#so when I first started a blog I think I was in middle school??? like 12 or 13 hahahaha good times#my first url was SO CRINGE and I’m not going to say it cause I’m 😬😬😬😬😬 when I think about it#and then I slowly got more of a following and started doing smoke videos#I miss that community too :(#making smoke videos and tagging a bunch of stoner mutuals to ‘pass the bong/joint’#and then they would make a video and tag me#awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhh#I haven’t logged into that tumblr in AGES omg#but then I decided to post content and I didn’t want to post it on my original blog in case it got flagged or anything#so I made this blog#and here we are 🥰#but man I have SO many memories from my last blog#i made a friend in Belgium and we sent presents back and forth#I think only once but maybe twice#I still have the bracelet she sent me#can’t believe I’ve been on tumblr for most of my life lmao#but I’ve met SO many amazing people that I would have never have met
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i'm begging you guys to start pirating shit from streaming platforms. there are so many websites where you can stream that shit for free, here's a quick HOW TO:
1) Search for: watch TITLE OF WORK free online
2) Scroll to the bottom of results. Click any of the "Complaint" links
3) You will be taken to a long list of links that were removed for copyright infringement. Use the 'find' function to search for the name of the show/movie you were originally searching for. You will get something like this (specifics removed because if you love an illegal streaming site you don't post its url on social media)
4) each of these links is to a website where you can stream shit for free. go to the individual websites and search for your show/movie. you might have to copy-paste a few before you find exactly what you're looking, but the whole process only takes a minute. the speed/quality is usually the same as on netflix/whatever, and they even have subtitles! (make sure to use an adblocker though, these sites are funded by annoying popups)
In conclusion, if you do this often enough you will start recognizing the most dependable websites, and you can just bookmark those instead. (note: this is completely separate from torrenting, which is also a beautiful thing but requires different software and a vpn)
you can also download the media in question (look for a "download" button built into the video window, or use a browser extension such as Video DownloadHelper.)
#for adblocking--ublock origin is my favorite but adblocker plus is also popular#also i once again highly recommend using firefox especially on mobile#to enable adblock on firefox mobile just click 3 dot menu > addons > addon manager > enable uBlockOrigin#that's for android i assume it's similar for iOS#update it is NOT similar for iOS bc Apple hates you. i'll write another post later#anyway. PLEASE USE AN ADBLOCK ALL THE TIME (except for specific websites you want to support)#your internet browsing experience will be so enormously improved#also on firefox if you want to get past a paywall click the 'Toggle reader view' button as soon as the page loads#(it's on the right of the taskbar. a little rectangle with horizontal lines)#works for most news sites by showing you the webpage text that is hidden under the 'you've run out of free articles' popup#doesn't work for everything but it's worth a shot
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My brain has been taken over by baby hülkenberg lately.. so….
I’m just gonna plop these photos of williams rookie nico here and then scurry off into The Void
#f1#nico hulkenberg#nico#I retrieved these during my hunt for a pfp#I was never able to find the picture they used of him in the hair ranking video tho??#also I have a weird fear that some of these AREN‘T him and I’ve just posted some picture of a random guy thinking it’s him…#the thought is haunting me#if I ever delete this it‘s most likely bc of that LOL#also sorry if some of these have been posted already!! I haven‘t found of post with these yet but… how knows y‘know??#how knows.. I meant who#cursed mobile tumblr tags.. let me edit themmm#anyway yeah#baby nico
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☠️🥀
#art#I just wanted to see if there was a recording function on my laptop and there is! It looks interesting so I thought I'd share#Imagine the first protomen album playing in the background - It's what I was listening to actually while painting haha#The colors look terrible on mobile... I don't want to deal with that 😭 it's more vibrant on my computer#Anyways the recorder only recorded the main photoshop window.#it’s strange not to see my screen not half covered by references along with the layers/history haha When I stream on discord it does it too#I was getting really annoyed and bored with the rendering process I had grown accustomed too#Lazy sketches and thousands of transparent brushstrokes of layers were getting to me - almost a watercolor technique?#Been messing around a lot and this painting method is quite fun actually - I think that's what is most important - the results be damned#I had stopped touching the liquify and smudge tool for a really long time and I've been using it for this#So yes I've been enjoying myself and to change the current more I've been doing a lot developed sketches too#also....Sometimes I doodle chibi VHD while in class...would anyone actually be interested if I post them on here? ♡(๑´• .̫ •ू`๑)
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I'm just figuring out how important music is in my life! This is coming from a long while trying to cut down on my music use, mostly because I was listening to it so much that it felt more like I couldn't do anything without popping in some earbuds, and partially because of other personal reasons. Some of my routines changed, forcing me to not listen to music while doing certain things, and it ended up becoming that besides working on homework or drawing, I didn't listen to music at all. But I've given myself a break today since I have nothing to do and since, for reasons, I'm feeling just a lil crappy today—and boy, I'm starting to realize again just why I love music!!
I love the diverse music taste I've developed over the years! My family is not only big about music but big about listening to it loud, so the majority of my music taste for most of my life has just been Christian hiphop (Lecrae, KB, Andy Mineo, Trip Lee, and ironically Tonex, whose album where he was struggling hard with his gayness has been my favorite concert movie since I was 5) and gospel music (Kirk Franklin, Tye Tribbett, etc.). And music was one of the few connections between me and my race (I grew up feeling pretty estranged from my blackness as a kid, but the popular songs they played at the YMCA in the 2010s were some of the few things I could use to feel more connected) and between me and my classmates/friends at the Y (I still have fond memories of playing FNAF songs in mat forts and reciting lyrics at pool parties). But I got tired of knowing I could never bond with anyone besides family friends music taste-wise when I was in high school, and so I started listening to secular music on my own time. And that's how I first found Ghost and Pals, a vocaloid artist and one of the first secular music folks I listened to as a kid (can you smell the religious trauma yet? Lol), and that's how I bonded with one of my best friends in early college (ironically, also my first time being publically queer). Now I listen to Kpop, anime songs, songs from warriors MAPs, songs from musicals (Hamilton and In the Heights <3), latin songs, metal songs, and even some secular songs young me would've been too scared to listen to.
And music has always been one of my biggest sources of stimming! I can't dance to save my life, but music will sure get me to flick my fingers and hit my fist against my shoulder furiously. Music was one of the first clues that I like stimming with vibration too (since I love laying against the car door and turning up the music loud enough to feel the world shake around me). And music was one of the first things that made me look into ADHD or autism (specifically, listening to Ghost and Pals songs for a month straight and getting my friend at early college [who also has ADHD] to start looking at me funny when I was discovered doing chores and listening to one of three songs for the fifth time). Music is so cool it'll get me to wax poetically. It was one of the things that kept me together during my roughest times and soothed me during my best. I listen to it while I write, while I cry, while I hang out with my friends and family and while I chill by myself. It's how I relax after a long day, and it's how I feel safe. I feel kinda emotional finally having music hit that spot in me without feeling like I need it to do stuff.
#songs listened to while writing this post:#Tell Your Girlfriend by Lay Bankz#Get Up (Live) by Tye Tribbett#the Oshi no Ko OP song for season 1 (by Yoasobi) - which I ironically found before getting into Oshi no Ko#Waterfalls Coming Out Your Mouth by Glass Animals#Como Fue by 116#Creator (a Minecraft song I picked up from my college friend J)#The Ultimate Soldier (Evangelion)#Reckless Battery Burns by Ghost and Pals#Uncanny x Deathbody remix by Ghost and Pals#Watch Me Work (Trolls 3)#Mount Rageous (Trolls 3)#Better Place (Trolls 3)#Hayloft 2 by Mother Mother#Hayloft 2 Smashup by Mother Mother#Don't You Worry About a Thing (the Sing movie)#Mama by My Chemical Romance (found through a warriors MAP [yes the one you're thinking of])#Gossip by Måneskin#Looking at my playlists getting more and more secular songs feels like healing#but I also love that I can still listen to gospel hiphop or gospel music without feeling ashamed or (completely) embarrassed#(except for Bizzle but that was always more of my dad's music taste anyway)#also yes I have tinnitus how could you guess? Haha but for real it feels like an okay sacrifice to me (more like a battle wound for loving#music so much - but everyone else please use ear protection if you can! Tinnitus doesn't bother me too much but it could you!)#fenn rambles#gonna use this tag for my favorite rants and rambles that I'm most proud of hehe#(also this is an excuse to not leave some non-alterhuman-themed or non-neopronouns-themed stuff untagged >:3)#music#(also I went to a KB concert recently and it was HYPE)#(and I went to Winter Jam in Mobile and it was legitimately one of the best concert experiences in my life - Lecrae >>>>#love his new album hehehe)
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pics of the rollator i'm ordering in a couple of months. tell me it's cute or smthn, cause i'm nervous about it. ☆
#🔪#everyone deserves mobility aids and they dont owe an explanation to anyone!!! it is not “rude” to take up space!!!#except for me though i shouldnt be using anything :o) CLOWN SHIT EMBARRASSING SHUT UP talking myself out of thinking that way lalalaaa#anyway obviously it's not the most important thing for it to be cute. but it makes me feel better to call it cute.
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Hi fish hi fish!! :] hope you're doing swell- wanted to ask for some advice
I've been trying to learn how to draw wheelchairs for a while now, hardest part has been finding refs with people in em, do you know what terms to search up to find stuff like that? All good if not, just know you're pretty well acquainted with drawing em so figured I'd ask
First off I'm going to state that I'm not a wheelchair user. I have researched them in the past and have asked a family member who uses one for advice, but still don't take my word as absoultely reliable. The majority of my knowlege/observations comes from watching family members with chairs so it may be biased. I'm going to be mostly talking about manual chairs but the same suggestions should apply to powered.
Searching up "wheelchair drawing reference" can help, but I discourage using google images. Often the images will be unrealistic due to them being stock images, or of the wrong type of wheelchair for what youre drawing. (One that comes up a lot are foldable wheelchairs which are more associated with hospitals than practical life).
Instead, try to use reference collections made by wheelchair users. This is a really good collection by Criptid Cosplayer in both manual and powered wheelchairs. They also have a small guide to designing fantasy wheelchairs which was interesting.
I also reccomend learning what the different parts of a wheelchair are and do. This will make it easier to understand how the user uses the chair, the shape of the chair and make it easier to remember the different parts while drawing. I don't have a specific source for this using photo reference since I looked at real wheelchairs for this. However @/calvin-arium has a good guide to drawing chracters with wheelchairs with drawn diagrams here.
Also ensure you observe how real people use wheelchairs. I find that tutorials for using wheelchairs are a good source for this since they break down how each movement works. This will make it easier to draw Wheelchairs in montion/natural posing. Wheels2walking has a good video explaining rolling and one here for wheelies.
Other tips:
Give your characters wheelchair gloves, especially if they're going to be going longer distances than just being inside. Not all users use gloves but they do help protect the hands.
Consider if the character needs additional support/what type of chair they're needing. E.G. Seatbelts, cushions, cupholders, additional storage space, hight of handles/if they have handles, back height ect.
Check what type of wheelchair your character needs. One of my OC's needed to always hold a megaphone as her main weapon, so I gave her a powered wheelchair with a headrest to ensure that I could still have her move around the battlefield without taking away her disability. Other times you will need to consider the type of chair around their disability rather than design/character function. Make sure you research the type of chair for the disability and adjust if needed.
Wheelchairs have different functions. Sports wheelchairs and off-road wheelchairs look very different to regular wheelchairs so keep that in mind. Always research the right wheelchair
Also consider if your character can move their legs or not while posing.
To draw the wheelchair start with a circle with the figure to get an idea of the pose. Treat the chair as an extension of the character while drawing. Don't worry about the anatomical accuracy of the chair before you have a good idea of the pose/a basic sketch or thumbnail
Remember to draw the wheelchair using perspective. or dont.
Wheelchairs are even cooler decorated. Some people use stickers, covers, lights, fabrics, spikes.
It's okay to draw wheelchairs badly. I see a lot of people avoid drawing them for fear of getting them wrong but thats just. counterintuative. Make sure you research (even further than this post links to) and stop avoiding them.
Okay yeah, thats all I can think of for now. Keep in mind that I'm not disabled and so not everything I say is guarenteed to be accurate. But this should be enough to help you out I think.
If anybody else wants to add on to this feel free
#drawing advice#wheelchairs#hiiii poke!!!#sorry this took a day#I wanted to make sure that I properly searched for some answers for you#again most of what I know about wheelchairs/my influence in drawing them comes from seeing family members use them#manual and powered#anyway yeah i hope this helps#i dont think i could draw a wheelchair with perfect accuracy but ithink. even just a little bit of knowlege is useful#I also have opinions about people drawing characters/people with mobility aids they dont use. But thats for another time and#also its ot really my buisness.#fish asks
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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for the record i do not think silver was the named non-entity of solomon little however i do think solomon little was perhaps silver's first lesson in choosing survival over loved ones
#does this make sense.#like silver is a guy who has dedicated himself to totally evacuating himself of an authentic selfhood as a survival mechanism#and i think the closest he could ever get to authentically representing his past is to continually resurrect and re-present#the first person he legitimately lost and/or betrayed#my two cents. anyway#black sails#john silver#solomon little#like the fact that he uses this name as a mobile and therefore unstable signifier... it is a story he cannot make sense of and must reinven#like he has to characterize his past in the most refracted askew ways posssible
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"No doubt Henry would want to own a firearm after everything he'd been through, one capable of going full auto, to be exact." submitted by @ceresfromnationstates
#honestly yea he would#hope he actually uses them right this time--#(most [keyword] of the choices involving guns are fails I notice...)#*flashbacks to the rifle + crossbow fail#that was SO FUNNY I'M SORRY ELLIE#he just spins in the air and goes SHOOT#YOU CAN TELL HE'S TRYING TO LOOK COOL AS HELL AND THEN HE JUST SHOOTS ELLIE IN THE FACE#sorry anyway#I got a little off topic there forgive me#anywayz yes henry would definitely get some sort of firearm#mod dave#thsc#thsc confession#thsc confessions#henry stickmin#@/ceresfromnationstates#these tags took WAYYYY TOO LONG TO WRITE#more like sort#sorting tags on mobile is a pain#tw gun
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halfway o7
#society if i didnt have to work#BUT I DONT WORK TOMORROW OR THE NEXT DAY OR THE WEEKEND WOOOOOOOOOO#chat#sb#anyways has tumblr been dying for you guys? any time i try to click something it freaks out#it's fine after i reload it. but it HAS to be reloaded before you do anything#i guess most of you probably use mobile but desktop ppl has it been weird for you#every other site is fine so i KNOW it's tumblr
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SUPERBOOPS???
#Mwahahaha#I have learned to superboop#superboop#I use tumblr weird though so idk#I use a mobile web browser most of the time#anyway#Anyway#press and hold the boop button for about 5 seconds#boop#halloween boops#boop me#the boop button does a couple flops then you can release it and do the superboop
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I CAN BOOP ON DESKTOP NOW????
#I mean admittedly I'll be out of the house most of the day tomorrow so I'll be using mobile anyway but#I'm gonna abuse the hell out of this option for now#boop
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Man as a kid, I took modding for granted. Now I feel like I gotta step up and continue the passion.
I remember using the trainer for GTAIV, at the time, it was The Trainer since there seldom if any were alternatives. It has literally, every conceivable option you'd want, literally think of it, it has it.
Then GTAV came out and...wow. None of these trainers are remotely feature complete. It occurred to me then that, such expected things and standards, aren't guarantees in modding. That someone took their free time to make something for free with no payment, it's incredible.
Then I see that same mentality applied to Paid Products and I'm out of patience to explain the free market a 50th time and how we're the sole and only regulators, the literal half of the free market, yet we just give companies all the power regardless.
Anyways next time you're mad about some mod that's non-inherently bad, just remember, some people pay for that quality or worse, expect it. The modder wasn't trying to garner anything but adding onto people's experiences. The dev much the same, but the publisher, the CEO, considerthat they've effectively ensured you never own a single piece of media without piracy, ever again. We Lost That War because we Believed The Rich Would Be Decent. For 2 decades.
There's a reason Not to have the same mentality with modders, with purchased products. You're no longer 2 buddies playin' games and making stuff for it. You're a consumer enabling, normalizing, and supporting an industry/company who's entire goal and state of being is to lower our standards so much they can get away with worse later.
It's rich people. Not people like you and me. The employee is closer to you than the CEO, understand that, and learn to respect yourself enough not to allow them to swindle you, it is, quite literally, their main skillset and they never shut it off, you're larping to pretend anything otherwise and are doing so thinking you're protecting either friend or ego, but the fact is, you gave them that, and are scared what they'll do with it. Stop giving them trust and power over you, you're literally able to bankrupt them by not buying from them. We've seen it, time, and time, and time, and time again, when the community strikes back, We Win.
We just don't because too many people are unwilling to raise their standards, and instead, take time to defend the undefendable. Sorry but there's no way to defend a company with a streak of SA issues. Maybe consider where your money is going and how that's impacting everyone's jobs and purchases. Comes down to self-respect and demanding better.
Whilst your entire generation became Noticeably Very Poorer, the rich have amassed an absolutely unfeasible level of insane wealth, taking half our dwindling money during Covid. Why the fuck is the only thing improving the graphics? Why are we Crawling our way towards 5% of the 6th generation's standards? Why are we celebrating that? Games went down in price since cartridges, but did not change what so ever for online distribution. We are literally, paying, for the Manufacturing of Physical Copies, for Digital Copies, we Don't Even Own, that's how bad it's gotten, they literally got a free 10-20$ by moving to online.
So again, please, Please, understand I am closer to you politically than you are to any CEO or corporate logo. You are closer to your dog than you will ever be to 100k. You do not, and will never, be in this industry as the CEO's friend or company mascot, you are not that. You are a consumer, start acting like the other half of the free market and not a Pay Piggy Useful Idiot.
They even raised the prices. Good. God. We Are Losing.
#Gaming#games#gaming industry#pay piggy useful idiots#pleas make that spread it's absolutely perfect#your average “library spreader” yes that's real#Doesn't want to be that#doesn't want to be called that#but will only recognize that's them when explained that such mentality makes them lose respect in the eyes of god#At some point I just gotta ask people. The fuck happened.#“budgets” no we've been through this a million times. They set the budgets. But primarily that's not the issue. See half the budget is alwa#Marketing. And. Well Graphics are Marketing. They are! Artistry is not and it's what people combine with graphics in an effort to make#any argument for continually making products meant for 10 years from now when everyone's on better hardware. But otherwise most players#won't get to experience. Is there a remote reason why I need 2k in hardware to play a game at a reasonable framerate and visual quality?#Why are graphics settings solely to make the game look worse and run better instead of the game just running right#I have a fucking 3090 and 12700kf both OC you're really gonna tell me that's not enough for fucking Silent Hill 2 Remake? Really?#Tell me why such an important piece of gaming history can only run on expensive hardware#Minecraft can run on anything. Just saying#like gaming isn't meant to be this unoptimized and graphical heavy#then the gameplay is always so poor in these games. The direction for the player is yellow paint like guys. These products got worse#solely to the detriment of themselves and only to benefit the graphics. Because my god#My god why do we need raytracing?????#Who's this for? Oh yeah like 5% of the human population that can afford the hardware to enjoy it. Let alone the GPU to support it#Anyways the primary point is this. Games used to be Complete and came out when Done and Confident in their product.#“Nu uh here's a bargain bin gam-” Okay? We're talking triple a and have been for decades what the hell- Oh yeah okay how about indie games#back then huh? Oh no indie games? Wow! What a fruitful talking point you have made and I responded in kind with the exact same#Regardless games have gone down in features and quality while graphics spiked and not one soul has a single argument for it#not a one argument exists for why the hell GAMING needs such ridiculous investment#it's no wonder Mobile took over. Triple A basically gave Nothing for the average consumer#Graphics don't matter and legitimately never have. Your game should run on just about anything unless there's a legitimate purpose.
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what does it mean when your inbox shows there’s a message, but it’s empty when you click on it
#I use mobile so maybe it’s acting up but if ur message was lost im so sorry!!#I can’t see any asks or submissions in my notifications#😓#like?? can people remove inbox messages?? or maybe blocked me?#but anyways happy that most of my notifs seem to be from my sukunauraume post LMAO
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𝚆𝙴𝙻𝙻, 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚅𝙴𝚁𝙳𝙸𝙲𝚃'𝚂 𝙸𝙽: as a lot of you may know by know [ if you've caught any of my previous posts about it ], i'm moving with my parents back to california from texas -- where i've been for about 30 years -- because overall? it'll be good for me. i'm sick of texas for the most part, i literally can't afford to live on my own [ and honestly? i like being near my parents and would just have more security and better quality of life in CA ], and i just think sometimes a change is good!
i've been waiting to see if my job will let me keep my job [ and continue to pay me dirt, even! ] ... all i was asking is that i can live in california and work remote. well, the owner has decided he will not allow me to do that. is there a good reason? in my opinion: no. he's framing it [ in his conservative white man rich business owner brain ] that I'M the one making the choice to move because i could apparently just as easily stay in texas and get my own place etc etc etc. so it's on me! unfortunately, it's just not that simple, but i guess from a guy who runs a family business and has multiple homes, it's just hard to really grasp that concept.
i'm literally so furious and so heartbroken at the same time. i know it's not the best company, and yeah i guess, we can say this is for the best in the end? but that doesn't make it hurt less. i've been there for almost 11 fucking years. my ENTIRE career out of college. through ups and downs, i was always working my ass off and being a great employee ... shining reviews and reputation with literally everyone. it just hurts that that ultimately means nothing when i'm finally asking for something in return. i take the poverty wages, take the working in the office when i hate it for the most part, i've taken having to hear misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, every-phobic thing over the years ... then i ask for ONE thing in 11 years [ that's literally not even a big ask ] and it's a ✨no✨.
i feel so lost. like i don't even know how to be without this job, and as much as people tell me YOU'RE SO TALENTED! YOU'RE SO GREAT! YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING SOOOO MUCH BETTER! i wanna believe it, but my brain just ... doesn't. maybe it's imposter syndrome or just how fucking down on myself i feel right now. i still appreciate it because i literally don't know what i would do without my friends and family's support right now like ... even if i can't see it for myself, it means the literal world to me.
plus sides [ i guess ]: i should be able to keep my laptop [ but i'll lose adobe cc so ... i may need some recs or help on how to at least get photoshop cause idk how i'll carry on without it lmao ]; my manager who is a literal saint and one of the best people i know [ she actually pissed the owner off going to the mat for me lmao "he doesn't like to be questioned" ... insert the biggest eye-roll of my life ] ... but she said she would help me with literally everything from linkedin to my resume to a portfolio, and i know that'll be like everything to me while i just .... try to navigate all of this ON TOP OF trying to move.
ALSO: i think i can work until i leave, if that's what i want to do ... i'm still trying to figure all of this out because honestly? even though it's not much? i need the money. but then i'm also like i don't wanna do the owner any favors by having me work while they maybe start putting out feelers to replace me, yknow? BUT THEN AGAIN, i'm hurting my boss more than him [ and that's the twisted, frustrated thing about all of this ... it hurts us way more than it does anything to him but he still gets to make the choice for us ]. SO! i dunno! i may just use all my PTO and see how far that gets me lmao but i feel like at the end of the day, i have to look out for myself and maybe just trying to pull in as many paychecks as i can [ since we also don't have a hard 'we're moving!' date at the moment ] is the best idea ... even if the idea of going into the office and acting normal like literally makes me so ... 😤 but i dunno! my brain is a mess! afjhksdfda
SO YEAH. i just wanted to update you guys because i do consider you friends. whether we talk a little or a lot, i appreciate all of you so much and just wanted to keep folks in the loop with where my life and my head's at right now. not the best but ... just trying to keep it moving. honestly nooooo clue when writing is gonna happen here again??? i do miss / enjoy the distraction of plotting and talking about all this stuff so don't be shy, i just don't know when i'll have the time or capacity to just write here [ maybe once we move and stuff settles a little bit? ] -- but yeah, in the meantime, please come chat with me, let's plot dynamics and all that shit because it still makes me so happy and lets me take my mind on a little vacation lmao love you all, truly! ❤️
#** reblogging on some of my blogs to pass it around but! applies across the board: you can find most of my blogs in my pinned post here! **#been on and off crying since like 4PM yesterday so it's been a ride lemme tell ya!#nothing like feeling like you wasted over a decade of your life at a job that never really cared about you#like MY boss does but stupidly she doesn't get to make all the decisions for HER own team#even though the owner is barely present and doesn't really know anything about us or the day to day so ... very cool of him#to make big decisions that can hurt a lot of people (and don't affect him one bit either way)#he just really doesn't seem to give a shit at all that it makes our lives so much harder for NO reason#it's just that he literally doesn't “like” remote working and doesn't want to set some kind of company-wide precedent#even tho i'm like moving isn't THAT easy lmao people aren't all just gonna mass exodus out my guy#(also we have a C-level employee who lives / works from new york but ... apparently that's SUUUUPER different because she lived there when#she was hired ........ *stares into camera*)#anyway!!! i'm just really frustrated and hurt and fucking terrified#and i appreciate literally anyone who bothered to read all this! lmao#i'll be around on mobile as per usual ❤️❤️❤️#00. // OUT OF AMMO ( OOC POST. )
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