#I remember when having a music player at the top or somewhere on your blog was super popular

[rosicheeks]

🫶

[tma-ficrec]

Five All Time Mod Recs

To start off this blog, we decided to submit ourselves to the mortifying ordeal of being known and show y’all our TMA top fic recs!

These are fics of very different premises and categories that stayed with us and soothed our souls. Feel free to ask for more recs (or more specific stuff) because we’re definitely not done. Enjoy!

Mod Ami:

Statement Ends  by @martivist 4k words. Jonmartin. Angst. Post-canon AU. Ending Speculation. Lore speculation. S5 AU.

"Final statement of Jonathan Sims. The Archivist. Statement given… I think it’s June? We haven’t done very well counting time since the days stopped. Summer 2019, call it that. Statement begins.

We’ve found a way to send them back where they came from. All of them."

Forty-some years after the apocalypse abruptly ends, the final acts of Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood come to light.

Mod note: This fic... goddamit this fic. I read it halfway through s5 and I genuinely think this is one of the best endings the show could have had. It hit all the points Jonny made and then some. This fic is pain, yes, but the best kind.

Ninety Feet To Home by @judesstfrancis 33k words. Jonmartin. No Powers AU. Baseball Players AU. Fluff. Pining.

Jon isn’t really Martin Blackwood’s biggest fan. And he knows it’s a him problem, because it’s not like Blackwood is a terrible person or like he loses on purposes just to ruin Jon’s life, but he can’t help it. In his defense, if you were on a hot streak and the same person kept coming in and ruining it for you every single time, you'd harbor a bit of resentment towards them, too.

Mod note: I’m so obsessed with this AU that I broke my vow of not making fanart for TMA and made fanart of it. Yeah. Sue me. It’s the perfect levels of pining, ridiculousness and it brought me (an argentinian whose only baseball reference is the HSM musical number) tremendous joy. As the us-statians would say: home fucking run. ALSO, MARTIN BLACKWOOD IS LATINOOOOO.

Maybe not the stuff of legend by imperfectcircle. 14k words. Jonmartin. Post-canon AU. S5 AU. Ending Speculation. Lore speculation. Angst with a Happy Ending.

Martin forgets slowly at first, and then all at once. One moment he's grasping at memories, desperate without knowing why to retain even a single image of an angry, scarred stranger saying incomprehensible things about eyes, and the next, nothing. He can't even remember what had him so anxious just now. A car alarm, probably, or a dog barking in the distance. He's always startled easily.

Mod note: I still quote it to myself from time to time. ‘’Martin, you ate the megalodon’’ makes me giggle and also terribly sad. This is an excellent way of exploring entities lore, as well as grief and hope. 

the garden of forking paths by @bibliocratic. 49k words. Jonmartin. Post-canon AU. Ending Speculation. Angst with a Happy Ending. Use of Spiral Doors.

Whatever he had predicted might happen, Jon wasn't expecting to survive upon demolishing the Panopticon. He certainly wasn't expecting to be rescued.

Instead, he wakes up in an alternative universe where he's never been the Archivist, and Martin Blackwood doesn't exist.

Martin Blackwood wakes up somewhere else entirely.

Mod note: I’m argentinian and the major element in this story is a Borgues book. OF COURSE IT’S HERE. This fic is an absolute ride and so so so beautiful - multiple universes and Jon and Martin doing the same thing over and over and over again, with hope of finding each other.

Family, Found  by Dribbledscribbles. Gen fic. 9k words. S4 Divergent. Canon Divergence. 

It’s Basira who catches onto it.

The collective shift that seems to come over them when heading in or out of the Institute. Not just the oppressive sensation of being observed, their every move catalogued for the voyeuristic cravings of some unseen Eye(s). That feeling remained with them even when they left the Institute these days, but it was always stronger inside its walls. That wasn’t the change. Nor was it the point.

The point was: making life worse for Jonathan Sims.

Mod note: Do you want to hit the Eye? Do you want all the Entities’s plans to be twarted by the power of found family? Do you want everyone who blamed Jon for everything in S4 to sit down and apologise? This is your fic.

Mod Ebby:

the apple of the eye by  gocrazygostupid. 2.8k words. Fluff. Lore speculation.

TELL ME, ARCHIVIST

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SONG?

i'm not sure. i don't really get the chance to listen to music

if i told you, what would you do with it?

Mod note: I am absolutely weak towards any fic that gives the Entities some form of sentience, no matter what canon said. Especially when these interactions are so surprisingly soft. 

I WOULD PLAY IT

I WOULD LISTEN

in the chillest land and on the strangest sea by  imperfectcircle and raven (singlecrow). 19k words. S4 Divergent. Canon divergence, in the space between 159-160

Jon remembers a statement he read years ago given by a Jesuit priest, who said that the shortest prayer he knew was, just, fuck it, as in fuck it; it's in God's hands. He takes Daisy's hand and trails on after her.

or; hope is a thing with feathers.

Mod note: Everytime I read this fic, I end up at least a little teary eyed. It’s not exactly happy, more bittersweet, considering, but I still love it.

Come Love This World (Come Hate It, Too) by cedarbranch. 3.3k words. Character Study, fluff and angst, spans s1-5. Canon Compliant. 

Jon never liked poetry, until Martin.

Mod note: Yes I am picking fics that personally came for my heart one way or another, not much else to say, besides that “it feels like loving you” haunts me still to this day, in a good way.

i love you, i'm glad i exist by kissyourlocalmoth. 1.7k words. Scottish safehouse period. Fluff.  Established relationship.

Martin was thinking of a poem. It’s name sat on the tip of his tongue, aching to get out. It was a lovely one, too: something about how life felt easy now, at peace; how the small things felt like everything, a poem about… the importance of the little moments. These last few days had been like that, he thought. He couldn’t stop smiling to himself recently, and even Jon teased him about it sometimes, though he was hardly less giddy. He thought of the immense joy the little things brought him now, the mugs of tea they made for each other, how he would lay in their bed late at night staring at the ceiling, his love nestled against his chest, overflowing with so much contentment and fondness he did not know what to make of himself.

Mod note: Short and sweet, it was the first time I read that particular poem, and now it’s forever intertwined in my head with little scenes of jon and martin in the scottish safehouse before 160 happens.

exit wound by autoclaves. 3.1k words. Post-canon AU. Ending speculation.

Suppose there is a house on a hilltop. Suppose there is a story. There is always a story, and every universe is always expanding.

Mod note: I would’ve liked to tag this more, but it would probably spoil the twist it has. Reading back on it, the narration reminds me of the statement from 196, which I find fitting and a funny coincidence, considering. 

[archived-gtronpa-account]

Hey @impytricky I saw a post of yours (I'll try to link it here when I find it again) about how annoyed you were to see Gonta 'fans' talking about how Kokichi should've died in chap 4 ! I agree with that and I just wanted to say, first, I'm glad I never stumbled across something like this, second,,, aah

Now, I love Kokichi and Gonta as much as the next person, and not the 'pure cinnamon roll Gonta' but the boy who's intellect is severely underestimated, who constantly gets babied for absolutely no reason and feels extremely inferior to his peers as a result. I like Kokichi and Gonta's relationship, how you can often find them spending their free time together (which I don't remember seeing in a previous game? I'm not sure) and how Kokichi (despite popular belief for some reason?) Was the one to treat him best in how he understood how smart Gonta really was and trusted him- like how he took his word about seeing tiny bugs and didn't brush it off as 'Gonta idiot' like the rest of the class. Grumble grumble.

Aaa but I'm not gonna go on a tangent for this since I know ur blog and I think we're on the same line regarding those two!

I just wanted to share an idea I had like, right as I was watching Gonta's execution for the first time, an execution for Kokichi in chapter 4!

Like, Kaito voted for Kokichi in the trial. But imagine if maybe Maki had joined him- like how she always sides with Kaito in scrum debate after he learns her real talent (I think? I'm not sure about this info) or if Tsumugi had voted for him to spice things up. And if for some reason, Kokichi had kept no rational sense at the end of that trial and was just completely crushed under the weight of his emotions and decided to vote for himself since he couldn't bring himself to vote for Gonta, even if too many people voted for him and he became the blackened right at that moment he really wouldn't care anymore and at least their plan would have worked and he wouldn't've had to live with his sin.

Anyway, that makes 3 votes for Kokichi, and the player's vote! So yeah I think it's abundantly clear now that I'm going for an alternate route where you -the player- vote for Kokichi and both he and Gonta are blackened. I've seen takes on this scenario and so far haven't found the gem among the stones- especially now that I'm imagining those Gonta 'fans' posts wanting to kill Ko out of spite, yikes. I just wanted to share my thoughts with a fan who's got taste wink wonk ;]

So: Monokuma stays unclear about the two blackeneds tho and just drags Gonta gets taken to his execution, except that unlike the normal version this time there's a those lock things on the metal chains and Kokichi jumps in to try to lockpick those and free Gonta.

Haha I've already got the scenario somewhere written I'm feeling a lil lazy lemme just copy paste it.

So imagine: Gonta is taken to be punished. He's attached to the pole and Monokuma walks in and the execution song starts. But then Kokichi runs in in front of Gonta and alter ego and fumbles with the chains to try and free him, Gonta panics and urges him to go back and not die and he's not the murderer and Gonta can't die knowing he couldn't even protect his classmate one last time only because of those chains. Such despair! Kokichi doesn't listen and desperately tries to get rid of the chains and pick the many locks one by one. Monokuma starts shooting the bugs at them and Gonta is still struggling to try to get Kokichi to move out of the way and Kokichi is growing nauseous from the bug stings and his face gets blue then purple in Danganronpa fashion and Monophanie's stomach grows bigger and bigger and just then Kokichi finds a last lock hidden between the chains he lockpicks it with shaky hands- but Monophanie's stomach bursts open and the lock clicks and right as it falls in Kokichi's hands the giant bug bursts out of Monophanie. Gonta pushes the chains off his arms and legs, falls to the ground, limbs finally free, and jumps in front of Kokichi with his back to the bug to protect him, but right as he's about to push him out of the way of danger the giant bug strikes them both, its his claw digs in their abdomens and they both fall to the ground. After a beat the wooden pole creaks and falls on their on top of their bodies with a heavy thump. Monokuma looks with disgust at the bodies still twitching a little and the nasty bug on top and he throws a match on the pole and everything catches on fire. The fire crackles and the music fades out and the image cuts to alter ego Gonta at their feet looking sad before his screen glitches and goes black and a dark grey puff of smoke comes out of it.

(Dramatic much, I know, but I'm a sucker for despair and tragedy.)

After that you get a shocked text from Shuichi who doesn't understand why Kokichi did that and something like how till the very end he confused them all with his lies (nothing much too grand and emotional, your typical killing game shuichi after chap 4 talking here). After that you get a weird disturbing ending like that of dr1, with a last CG of all the students aged up smiling at a camera, Maki and Shuichi holding up Kaito's portrait since he died of his disease, and with that awful music to disturb you further at the weird image and to really rub it in that you fucked up by being spiteful and voting Kokichi, bad choice you silly player.

I just kinda think it's a cool response to those who could hate Kokichi and get petty and vote for him- only to have a bad ending as a result and a surprise regarding Kokichi's character. I also thought of it as more of a Kokichi's execution, kinda like how it would have Kokichi elements: lockpicking, his leadership quality and how he puts his people before himself and is pretty selfless, also willingly putting himself in front of Gonta so he doesn't get bug stings- which is cool with Kokichi disliking bugs. And just how by being a petty hater you give Kokichi a somewhat peaceful death where he doesn't live with his sins, but you the player get a bad end instead as a result. On Gonta's side, I just like the despair of him ultimately dying unable to protect his friend.

All in all, I just thought it'd be a cool take on chap 4, especially with how… tasteless Gonta's execution feels to me. I also kinda just like this as a Kokichi execution that exploits some of his aspects well enough without being overly dramatic- like the many popular fan excutions I've seen that have him on lie detector forced to tell the truth about his intentions and how he cares about his friends and yadda yadda simp stuff- like, you should be able to see a Dr character's execution and not be able to tell if this character is important or not based on that alone; executions don't discriminate between the popular and the lame, so I think this is a fitting enough execution for Kokichi that works for his character, isn't too lame but isn't too grandiose. This has it's flaws for sure, like how that ending doesn't fit the fictional world reveal of chap 6 and some minor details, but ah, eh, uhm, you know.

I'm a sucker for discussions I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! Since you too have a respectable good view of Gonta and I think I saw a post about you thinking of a Kokichi execution? Aaa you know whatever I'm getting awkward now—–-

[thatmiddle]

Top 10 Albums that Shaped my Existence

How do I put this lightly, I believe listening to music matters as much as breathing. I know that is hyperbolic, but I don’t care. It can fuel your soul in a similar way that air fuels your body to move. It brings to life moments, places, and people. That’s probably why if you listen closely music is everywhere. It’s in the steel drums at Union subway station or the clarinet player at Yonge and Dundas Square. It’s is found from a broken guitar with unclipped strings in Kensington Market to a radio blasting out of an open window. It’s heard from the lake on a cool breezy summer night. It’s made by the leaves in the trees and the creatures roaming its branches. Music is inescapable.

Music is also a lot cheaper than therapy and for most, it is incredibly accessible. In saying that I do not mean to conflate therapy to music, but I do think there is a healing power to songs. This form of artistic expression has been with me during my brightest minutes and my darkest hours. I have relied on it like Aladdin did his magic carpet; it lift me up and took me to places I never thought I’d ever go. All I have to do was turn it on, tune in and drop out, as some would say.

During this pandemic I have leaned heavily into music, it is the perfect socially distanced escape. During this time that I have also gone back to old albums and reflected on how they influenced me and shape who I am today.

In Rainbows - Radiohead

If I had owned this album in an analogue form I would have destroyed it by overplaying it in my Discman. Radiohead is a wonderful band that have made wonderful albums but for some reason, this is the particular one I return to. To me, In Rainbows is the music I heard when I realized that I wanted to take my life in a different more creative direction than that of my peers. In Rainbows is the album I heard on carpool rides to Shakespeare Camp as a young girl. In Rainbows is what played in my head the first time I walked into Kensington Market as a young naive suburban girl. The music is so diverse with its sound but creates a distinctly modern tone. I find the music runs like a stream and cascades into fountains of sound I never expected. All the songs are beautiful but my favourite from the album has always been House of Cards.

Brothers - The Black Keys

If In Rainbows was an early marker of my youth, Brothers by The Black Keys established my teenage self and heavily moulded how I carried myself into my early twenties. With the raunchy guitar, hard drums and vocals somewhere between garage rock and blues, this album stimulated every part of my life. It is one of those albums that upon listening to the first fifteen seconds of the opening track Everlasting Light, I am immediately taken back to driving around in Toronto suburbs and getting into trouble. This album started my ongoing obsession with The Black Keys. Fun fact I named my first Tumblr blog off of a misreading a song lyric in the track The Only One, which also happens to be one of my favourite tracks on the album. I’ve tried to see The Black Keys live twice and both times I was unable to attend the concert. One day I will see them.

Revolver - The Beatles

There are a lot of Beatles albums I love and I wouldn’t say this is my favourite of theirs, but it is I would argue its one of their more underrated albums. From what I have gathered about Beatles fans (having been one since I was six years old), this choice isn’t mutually exclusive. It does however seem that established fans love either Rubber Soul or Revolver. For me, I choose the latter. This album is very experimental for the band as they were still coming out of their admired boy band era. I came to this album as a young girl whenever I played with my toys in the living room of my childhood home. I always heard a Beatles album playing in the background and when Revolver came on I was elated. My toys went on new adventures, met new people and told new stories. The Beatles have always brought out the creativity in me and I’m very grateful for that. Check out the song I’m Only Sleeping, it’s so meditative and my most replayed track.

Man on the Moon: The End of Day - Kid Cudi

I wasn’t in a good place when I was fortunate enough to be introduced to this album as being a teenager can be an incredibly difficult experience. Yet upon hearing this album I was pleasantly surprised, I never expected to find that catharsis in a young American rapper named Kid Cudi. I always liked some rap and hip-hip songs (don’t ever get me started on the importance of Sean Paul), but foolishly enough I never gave a full album or artist the chance. Man on the Moon found me at the right moment. This album’s production is so complex and crosses genres in ways I never expected; it leaves me wanting more every time. Kid Cudi hip-hop is different, Kid Cudi hip-hop goes deep and feels it. While Day ‘N’ Nite is one of the most recognizable songs on the album don’t sleep on Heart of a Lion, it’s beautiful.

For Emma, Forever Ago - Bon Iver

Like many teens in the mid-2000s, I made a Tumblr account. It was a great place filled with hormone-induced rage posts, images of skinny girls ripped from the website We Heart It, and boundless creativity. As a previous webpage creator hailing from the Geocities days, site creation was not new to me. I took up a URL and got to work. During this time I leaned deeper into the ‘indie girl’ aesthetic, which is where I found Bon Iver. Bon Iver’s music is soft and melodic and his guitar strums could whisk you away on a cloud. For Emma, Forever Ago was the soundtrack to the version of me who longed for combat boots, a-line skirts from American Apparel, and a cute hipster boyfriend to take me away from all my problems. I never got everything I wanted, but I was always able to sit in deep thought and listen to this album and for that, I’m incredibly grateful. The Wolves (Act I and II) is one of my favourite tracks off the album, I love the crescendo towards the end of the song it makes me want to release any bad feelings I have through some strong movement.

Is this it - The Strokes

I don’t remember when I first heard this album, I just know it was an unofficial anthem to my early twenties. Was it playing at that frat party? Or maybe it was at the live show in that bar one time. Is This It is the perfect album for starting out in a new place with dreams and about $20 to your name. This album is made for people entering young adulthood making mistakes and living for the moment. Garage rock is such an underrated genre, but perhaps that’s the suburban girl in me speaking. I want to dance every time I hear a track of this perfectly crafted experience. I hear those guitar riffs and I am taken back to running through Toronto at midnight with friends. Is This It is unapologetic and an outstanding debut album for The Strokes and cemented their status as indie rock legends, I don’t care what anyone says. There are a lot of amazing songs to recommend but I will try and spice things up. Last Nite and the title track Is This It are obvious choices but the bop you need to listen to is Someday.

Wish you were here - Pink Floyd

Everyone has to listen to Pink Floyd in university otherwise they never went…right? Pink Floyd always felt like a right of passage that I would eventually reach although I did cheat and wear a Dark Side of The Moon cropped t-shirt I got from HMV in high school just to seem cool. It wasn’t until first-year university I fell in love with the song Wish You Were Here. I’m sure I was just feeling nostalgic after moving out of my suburban bubble and into the big city for the first time. Nevertheless, after annoying my new roommates by listening to that song on repeat in my bedroom I decided to give the rest of the album a shot and immediately fell in l love. It is a short ride but an emotional journey. I thought I had felt everything I needed to feel at 21, then I heard Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Pts 1-5). If you were living under a rock and haven’t heard this album I recommend it. And do check out that track.

good kid m.A.A.d city - Kendrick Lamar

Swimming Pools was everywhere in 2012, it was synonymous with the nightlife which was surprising given its lyrics. Good kid MAAD city takes the ideas explored in Swimming Pools and expands them into a full universe. As soon as I turned on the first song I felt like I had been lifted from my cold Canadian home and into the chaotic Compton of Kendrick Lamar’s universe. This concept album has such depth I feel I learnt more than I would have ever expected. I love the way the album weaves recorded scenes with various characters and the music, it creates such a vivid picture as you listen through the whole piece. I felt deep sympathy towards the struggles told on the record in ways I never thought I would. Good kid m.A.A.d city is a great ride from start to finish without ever skipping a single track, but if you had to speed up to a gem I highly recommend the track Money Trees.

channel Orange - Frank Ocean

I was originally introduced to Frank Ocean through his work with Odd Future or as I proudly scribbled everywhere, OFWGKTA. Frank Ocean was always the quiet R&B guy from the group that I never thought I would have known much about but early 2013 rolled around all that changed. An old friend of mine had pointed me in the direction of new work by the musician and I ran towards the sound immediately. Frank’s voice is mesmerizing and he mixes sounds in ways I would never expect. His lyrics are dark and deep. This album got me through a lot of mixed emotions I started to experience as I worked my way through my undergrad. Frank understood what it meant to feel and I connected deeply with that. Pink Matter was the soundtrack to my life, I listened to it on repeat doing just about every task I could imagine.

House of Balloons - The Weeknd

I remember Toronto the year that The Weeknd released his first mixtapes. He was just an enigma floating through the city, no one could pin him down. I am one hundred percent one of the people who got their hands on the YouTube videos early and saved them immediately to my accounts. I wanted more and I didn’t know why. He captured a sound that still exists here today, it was dark and full of mystery. As soon as I got my hands on the first mixtape I popped that baby into my iPod and played it so much practically the full album made it to my ‘Top 25 Playlist’ on the device. I am obsessed with The Weeknd’s voice and as someone from Etobicoke, I am even more obsessed with the fact that he’s from Scarborough. He sounds like home to me and I will never be able to let that go. When I play this album (which is at least once every year I’ll have you know), I feel sure about who I am and where I come from. It’s not an explicit attitude to being from Toronto, but rather a feeling that you can carry throughout everything you do. The Weeknd carries that on a world stage and I am proud to say he is a Toronto native. Every song on the album is amazing and I say listen to them all, but do make sure you pay special attention to Loft Music. Nothing spells nightlife in Toronto more than at least one party in a condo or loft by Lake Ontario. I was actually asked to go to a late-night loft party by a random man at a Chinese restaurant one time so I can vouch for this happening in the city. Clearly, Abel knew what he was talking about.

Music is one of the most important things in my life. It is like a fuel I use to keep my motor moving. I find it anywhere and everywhere. I rely on it so much it has been the godsend I didn’t realize I needed during a pandemic. I think I am starting to understand why movies from the 1930s were so much about escapism; drifting off into another world during a difficult time can feel like magic.

What are 10 albums that shaped who you are? Let me know in the comments.

[gothytrash]

rules: tag people you want to get to know better!!!

tagged by: @transseven (kinda im just bored and wanna do it)

your name and what you would’ve named yourself: finn...and i named myself that:))) i considered kalen and max also but finn felt right. might fuck around n change it again tbh

astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): virgo sun/libra moon/aries rising

when did you join tumblr and why: 2012 maybe?? i was a ~hipster aesthetic blog~ until i became the mess i am today

top 5 fandoms: i dont consider myself really IN any fandoms but,,,mortal kombat, overwatch, polygon, animal crossing, and unus annus are things im really into rn!!

top 5 films: i really dont watch movies much um....jawbreaker, my neighbor totoro, howl's moving castle, spirited away, clueless, pretty much anything ghibli or disgustingly 90's

go-to song when you want to feel something: i have a playlist that is all megan thee stallion for when im extra mentally ill and need to feel like a bad bitch again

what’s your religion or faith if you have one: i don't feel strongly about any really?? i used to relate to wicca when i was younger until i realized a lot of it is stolen closed practices and cultural appropriation and it just didnt feel...right i guess?? im actually a very spiritual person in private though u might not guess it from the everything about me!! im just still not sure if there is a religion i would feel totally comfortable in, although buddhism has always intrigued me!!

a song that makes you feel seen: dog teeth by nicole dollanganger ... teen idle by marina ... vienna by billy joel ...

if you could have any career: i'd love to perform, idk what but i just wanna create for people!!! even as a youtuber, a streamer, or more original performing like in a band or doing drag i just..love to be seen and make people happy:)))

do you have a type: um not really??? hot alt queers to the front of course, and i prefer someone else to be able to take the lead in most things, but that rarely factors into my attraction. if u cute u cute and i will kiss u

what does my heart/soul yearn for: to feel cared for:))) to be a first choice:))) independence:)))

if you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone: blunt, compassionate, easygoing, impulsive, ditzy

favorite subjects in school: music, english, and forensics

where does your soul feel the most at home: anywhere there is fresh air and some peace and quiet

top 5 fictional characters: mileena, yuri, dva, kuromi, howl

top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry: FUCK um. many moments in the promised neverland i cant even pick one so just the show as a whole....the abortion scene in sex education......and also all of your lie in april just so much of it

earth, the sun, the moon or the stars: the stars

favorite kind of weather: that time in either fall or spring when its perfect sweater weather, the sun is shining but the breeze is cool enough that u don't sweat at all, and it stays that way until the sun goes down:') and everything smells so nice....it's different for spring and fall but they both smell lovely

top 3 kins: mileena, yuri, and kuromi

favorite medium of art: to do? graphite or digital bc im bad and must erase a lot! to enjoy? all of it literally all art makes my heart go whoosh

introvert/extrovert/ambivert: ambivert

favorite literary quote: i had to search so hard for this bc i couldnt remember it all but my fave book in my early teens was across the universe by beth revis and i always really liked this quote idk why: " I stare at the stars... And even though there are so many and they look so close together, I know they are light years apart. The glitter in the sky looks as if I could scoop it all up in my hands and let the stars swirl and touch one another, but they are so distant, so very far apart, that they cannot feel the warmth of each other, even though they are made of burning. This is the secret of the stars, I tell myself. In the end, we are alone. No matter how close you seem, no one else can touch you."

some of your favorite books: i dont read as much as i used to so most of the books i loved are young adult books but: the crank series by ellen hopkins, the painter from shanghai by jennifer cody epstein, every day by david levithan, i am the messenger by marcus zusak

if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?: i want to travel as much as possible, but i think i'll always wanna come home to canada. maybe not where i live now, but canada just feels the most like home and id love to live somewhere beautiful here

if you could live in any time in history when would it be?: i mean i guess my gay ass is in the most ideal timeline right now, but bigotry and such out of the picture i would have fucked w the 70s so hard....big hair big shoes and just not giving a fuck??? gimme

if you could play any instrument masterfully what would it be?: guitar or piano are obvious choices but tbh id be an iconic saxophone player

if you have one, what mythological god or goddess do you have a connection to?: artemis and apollo were the first deities i was drawn to when i started my craft and figuring out religion and such, but recently i have been very drawn to persephone and dionysus??

lastly, favorite recent selfie from your camera roll: (i never take selfies this is the most up to date pic i have and its bad but oh well)

i'm not gonna tag anyone bc i dont have friends but pls do it if u wanna!! i wanna know yall better!!!

[supernatural---imagines]

Your Type (Dean Imagine)

hi can i please have a dean x reader where the reader is best friends with charlie and she introduces you to sam and dean (she told you about the hunting) and the reader and dean instantly have this connection and he uses some cheesy pick up line to ask her out and its super fluffy thank you sooooooooooo much you are one of the few active supernatural blogs

Dean fic where you aren’t interested in meeting the boys cause youre friends with charlie and are mad at them for ruining her life, but then fall for dean?

I dont know if anyone out there still cares but i recently found the password to this blog that i lost 2 years ago. Im sure none of you are active anymore but heres a dean fic in case anyone is? I started this like 2/3 years ago... 

“Hey Charlie?” You called to your best friend through the hall of her apartment, having just woken up from your room where you had been staying for the past few days. 

“In here!” She shouted back from the living room. You wandered in spotting the clock on the wall noticing how long you had been sleeping for. Charlie was sitting on her couch with her foot up on the coffee table lacing her boots up.

“Headed somewhere?”

“Im off to see Sam and Dean, they called this morning they need help with a case” she answered 

“Oh god not all that monster crap” You replied with dread in your voice. Charlie had got pulled into this insane life by these two boys about a year ago now. As her best friend, she told you everything and you would have thought she was mad if she hadn’t shown you cold hard evidence. You slightly despised these men. Your friend was happy, in a good job, enjoying her life for the first time in a while, then they showed up and took that all away from her forcing her to leave her life behind. 

“Yes, monster crap.” She rolled her eyes at you. “Look, I know you don’t really like the brothers, but honestly they’re like my family. You should come along and meet them, you wont have to do any hunting they’ve got a pretty neat set up and you can kick back for a few days” 

“I’m not sure..”

“They’re also both totally hot and single! Dean is so your type” She teased.

“I don’t like them, i will definitely not be getting with either of them. But ill come along for you.” You agreed hesitantly.

About 45 minutes later, you arrived at your destination. It would be so easy to miss if you weren’t aware of exactly where it is. Charlie got out of the car and gave you a reassuring smile before heading down the steps towards the door. You had expressed your nerves to her about meeting the boys in the car ride down. 

She knocked on the door and was greeted by a tall man with longer hair. A huge smile beamed across his face as he scooped charlie up in a hugged as he greeted her happily. You stood back from the door not really sure how the man would receive you. 

“Sam this is my friend, y/n. I’ve told you guys about her before. She’s been staying with me so i brought her along i hope thats ok.” Charlie explained to Sam as she stepped away from the hug and took a few steps towards you. 

“Yes of course, hey y/n” Sam smiled at you extending his hand for you to shake it. You were kind of taken back. Unless this guy is an incredible manipulative actor, he does not seem like the type of man who would have destroyed Charlie’s life.

Sam invited you all inside where his brother, who must have been Dean, was standing at the bottom of the staircase, who greeted charlie just as happily as his brother did. You took in the surroundings of the Winchesters home, as Charlie explained who you were to the other brother. It was incredible, it was a massive underground building and definitely had Tardis style architecture. You were instantly drawn to the massive world map table that was located in the middle of the room, in front of a library type room. 

Dean said his hellos to you, much less receptive of you than Sam was. You were kind of hoping he’d be just as friendly because Charlie was right, he was your type. You all sat around the table in the library for around an hour, done some quick catching up and some getting to know you before they dove into the case they were working. Charlie needed to help Sam hack into a security system as he just couldn't crack it alone, as the Winchesters needed to break into a facility to steal some weapon to kill some monster or other. You didn’t pay much attention to the details, to be honest you couldn’t as it was all still quite confusing to you. 

“I’ll take Charlie to the site tonight so she can figure out what she needs to break this, and if she can do it we will come back in the early hours and break in. Sound good?” Sam explained his plan to his brother. He nodded in agreement and got up off his seat in sync with Charlie and Sam who started to head off.

“Alright follow me and i’ll put the TV on for you in Sam’s room, food and beer is in the fridge help yourself.” Dean said before he started off in the direction of the hall.

“Umm Dean?” You called, he stopped and turned round. “I don’t mean to be rude, but this place creeps me out a little and I’m not a crazy hunter who’s not afraid of anything, so if you’re not busy would you mind staying with me?” You spoke this half truth, yeah it was true that you didn’t want to be in this place alone, you didn’t know it at all and it was quite uncomfortable to be left in someone’s bedroom. But at the same time, you could help but remember Charlie saying how Dean was single.. and he definitely was your type. 

“Look, i’m going to be honest. I don’t know you, and sometimes I don’t take too kindly to strangers. But Charlie is like a little sister to me and if you’re her friend then i guess i want you to be comfortable.” He started towards the kitchen and you followed him in. “We’ll grab a beer and... get to know each other” he said almost through gritted teeth. Yeah, he was right about not being the most welcoming. 

You sat down at the kitchen table and Dean set down a beer in front of you before he went off down the hall and came back with a cassette player, and stuck in an ACDC tape. You smiled and expressed your love for the band, and once you began talking music, Dean started to relax a bit. You talked for around an hour, and the previously off standish Dean had started laughing and joking. He explained a bit more about hunting and how he met Charlie.

“I’m going to be honest Dean, once you came into Charlie’s life everything got a little but fucked up and I kind of hated you both a bit for it..” You brought the laughter to a halt.

“Believe me, no one hates us more for that than ourselves.” Dean said bowing his head. You regretted bringing this up. He took a swig of his beer after shaking his head a little, clearly this was a hard subject to deal with. The whole time you were hating them for ruining Charlie’s life they were hating themselves 10 times harder, you had never actually considered that they never ever wanted to do that. 

You reached your hand across the table and placed it on top of Dean’s. The many beers you’d put away giving you the confidence to touch this magnificently attractive man in an attempt to comfort him. He brought his eyes to yours suspiciously, not understanding what was going on.

“I didn’t mean to upset you” You started to apologize when he snatched his hand away to fish out his phone that was vibrating in his pocket. 

It was sam explaining Charlie can hack the system with everything they have with them, and Sam is going to go in alone tonight, then they’ll stay in a near by hotel and will be back in the morning.

“Looks like it’s just you and me tonight kid” Dean remarked, finishing off his beer. You smiled to yourself, you’d come to quite like this man and a night of just you and him didn’t sound too bad. 

An hour later you found your self in Dean’s bedroom, however not in the way you had hoped. You were both sitting on the edge of his bed watching Batman. Somehow you ended up on the topic of this film and how long it had been since you both seen it, and it just so happened Dean had the DVD. 

“I’m sorry..” you interrupted the film “I know you like batman but MAN am I rooting for the Joker so hard right now” 

“You’re a horrible person” Dean said sarcastically 

“Oi!” You yelled, gently punching his arm to express your annoyance at his comment. He nudged you back instantly on the shoulder pushing you backwards onto the bed. You yelled out his name with a laugh and pulled him down with you, wrestling around for a minute before he pinned your wrists above your head and the smiles both faded from your faces. He was leaning over you, his eyes searching in yours looking for permission to kiss you. You leaned up slightly and he brought his lips to yours, kissing you passionately before letting go of your wrists to trace his hands over your body. He melted into the kiss as his hands felt every inch of you, sliding up your shirt to feel your breasts over your bra. You grabbed the back of his neck forcing him to sink even deeper into the kiss. He paused and pulled away from your lips, as his hand moved away from under your shirt and lingered on the button of your pants, as he looked into your eyes. You smirked and nodded your head at him before he undid the button and ripped them off you. 

The next morning you were woken at 6am by Dean’s alarm, you groaned as you rolled over to smack it to shut it up. You looked beside you and saw a half awake Dean, who was completely naked under the blankets, with messy bed head and an annoyed look on his face from the screeching alarm. Beer bottles, snack wrappers and a whiskey bottle were littered over the floor. As you sat up your hangover suddenly became apparent to you as you moaned a little before forcing yourself to get out of the bed.

“Mornin” he grumbled as he picked up a pillow and put it over his face and rolled over. You laughed to yourself and got up, throwing on Deans plaid shirt and your underwear. The smile didn’t leave your lips as you put the clothes on, the memories of last night spent with Dean was one of the best you’d had in a long while. 

You left Dean to sleep a bit longer, and walked out of the bedroom making your way to the kitchen to find coffee. You didn’t notice Sam and Charlie sitting down with some breakfast before it was too late, they’d spotted you in the older Winchester’s shirt and no pants. “I told you he was your type” Charlie giggled, erupting laughter from Sam as your face turned red from embarrassment. 

[prinzessmetal]

Welcome to my blog. I want to write about some things that I don’t feel comfortable getting into on other platforms as often as they are happening. I want a place to talk about my health struggles in hopes that it will help people choose themselves and their bodies. If I had known 10 years ago the medications and episodes that are part of my life now it might have helped. If someone hurts you and tells you that you can handle something you don’t feel like you can please seek help even if you just tell a friend rather than internalize that. Trigger warning ahead: abuse and health problems. When I was in elementary school I asked my parents to homeschool me. I wanted to do acting full time and I wanted to do music when I was old enough. This is what Judy Garland did according to a bio pic so it was probably a good plan. I had a lot of crazy almost moments. I auditioned for Hannah Montana and Hermione and got pretty far in call backs. I got called in by the guy who signed Britney. My old manager dated Lana Del Rey before she released anything and told me my music was too depressing like his girlfriend’s and I would need to be more uplifting or I would end up like her. I worked from when I was a kid until now. I enjoy telling stories and making art so that some insignificant feeling of mine can blossom into something beyond me. I think a lot of entertainers have a similar set of needs. There’s people who happen upon it and there’s people who live and breathe and die for it. Maybe there’s a hole to fill or they feel things so deeply they want to get it out and set it free. This was the complete focus of my life. Except for love. I wouldn’t trade my work for anything except for a man threatening to leave. I have always been scared of that feeling and I have done some pretty predictable things to avoid it. Dyed my hair, paid for parts for a moped, moved across the country, and allowed another human with a lower iq and no job to break my heart over and over again. I did that several times, I mean, what are your 20’s for? I think a lot of women spent their 20’s feeling like they were raising their boyfriends. But, I stayed when men crossed lines that aren’t just normal and routine and those things ended up hurting me. When I was 19 I moved to Nashville to record an album. My music manager and my boyfriend were both control freaks with a lot of rage. I was “not like the other girls.” At 19 I was a manic pixie repressed dream. I was terrified to be too much or not enough and I was raised to be sweet and soft. I couldn’t imagine yelling back or ruining someone’s wants with my needs. My inner child actor didn’t know how much adult was too much adult. I looked about 13 and I felt about 60. One day my boyfriend was screaming at the top of his lungs and I was concerned about the neighbors hearing it. I had recorded with session players that day in the studio and I didn’t explain to him (as he found from my posts online) that some of them were more attractive than I had let on. I am not sure what level of graphic I will get into on this blog but I will say for now it “got worse.” My mom happened to be calling when this was going on and my pocket answered and she overheard. She flew out a few days later and wanted to know if I was okay. I lied and I told her that he was never like that and he had been under a lot of pressure trying to find a new job. I didn’t want to lose him for whatever reason at the time felt like the end of the world. Some nights I would go for drives to get away and cry to “Razzle Dazzle Rose” by Camera Obscura (great song to drive and cry to) until I had a headache and I would head back home when he had fallen asleep. In the mornings he was always extremely sorry and a completely different person who “would change.” At the end of this relationship I started getting chest pains. I think I went to an ER and was sent home with anxiety. I thought it was weird how badly anxiety hurt my physical heart and odd that it was deemed okay. But it seemed likely true as I was 19. Over the next few years I dated different people some like the first guy and some gentler. I was raised around anger and big highs and lows and angry people thought me to be comforting. I tried my best to avoid mistakes and things that caused problems because I didn’t feel I had the stamina i just wasn’t sure why. It often caused that chest pain I didn’t understand. At 24 my body started not feeling like itself more consistently. I often had chest pain and missed heart beats (pvcs and pacs) and my body hurt a lot for no reason. I felt rushes and I would feel dizzy and faint and out of breath. I was given a variety of names for all this. I had dysautonomia, POTS, autonomic dysfunction, “a weird nervous system” or just anxiety. I read all about different conditions but I didn’t know what I had but I knew my body wasn’t well anymore. I spent the next couple years being known as a hypochondriac. “Nothing is wrong with your heart Molly.” I still associate the hospital’s hold music with the mantra “it’s not your heart” that was routinely on the other end of it. I eventually gave up. I must have had some psychosomatic issue and I was probably crazy and I wanted to start living again. I was tired of chest pain with no cause and angry boyfriends ruling my life. I wanted my music to have a chance and I worked harder than ever. I also experimented with night life and smoked a cigarette or 2 or 3 and I got a few hangovers. I was a normal 20-something. Finally the homeschooled neurotic girl was kind of fun or I became some version of myself I was meant to be had I not taken some wrong turns or slept with the wrong people. I remember people would say to me “I can’t keep up with her she’s wild” and I was thrilled I had never been particularly fun I had always just been working or isolating myself with some guy. Neither cause helped the other and I had nothing to show for the last few years but I felt alive for the first time since maybe grade school. I let myself be free. One day I ate a friend’s edible and I had what I thought was a traditional panic attack. My heart was racing and I wanted to run away from it. A normal bad reaction to edibles. But my heart hurt for days. I couldn’t keep up with my (tall) boyfriend at the pace we normally walked and it was hard wearing the shoes that I did and I started avoiding the stairs. I was out of breath and in a lot of pain and it kept shooting down my left arm. I went back to my (famous and respected) cardiologist and she said not to come back to the clinic anymore as it was causing her team and myself to falsely believe that my problems were cardiac in nature. Except it turns out that I have heart disease. It took 6 cardiologists and a lot of ER visits to get any answers. I’m a young woman trying to get her life set up and I have heart disease. I hear over and over “it’s not your heart” and the hold muzak playing louder and louder and my boyfriends telling me to stop making up chest pain to get away from their rage and my music manager telling me it was stage fright and my old therapist telling me it would go away if I did the work inside my mind. I have Prinzmetal Angina. It got out of control after a bad car accident and a traumatic and stressful month last December. My coronary arteries were spasming shut and I spent January-June getting a lot of stern looks and speeches about anxiety from doctors and nurses all while I really just needed Calcium Channel Blockers and various forms of Nitroglycerin. I intend to pursue my music and art. I’m in a band and I am not going to change and become the normal picture of chronic illness which generally neuters people. I’m still young and intend to stay in touch with that the best I can. Some days I can take over the world and some days I have to stay in bed and some days I need to go to hospital for extra nitro and morphine. A lot happens behind the scenes I don’t always know how to share on instagram and twitter so I made this blog. I like to share my art in those places which I consider to define me more than how my body is not working. But, it’s a huge part of my experience and I would like somewhere to share it. I don’t normally feel comfortable talking about my bad dating choices and abuse but I think it’s important for people to know that the damage from it can be very real. Prinzmetal Angina was just studied with relationship abuse as being traumatic enough to cause it. I think we downplay how bad abuse hurts us and tell people to just get a grip. Maybe if I had read this when I was younger I would have treated myself differently and chose more carefully who I let near me. I hope you enjoy this blog and take care of your body and appreciate the days you feel free. Xo Joon

[acertaincritic]

Various Donghua Reviews

I watched or tried to watch a whole bunch of donghua in the past few weeks, and since I see little discourse on this type of animation, I decided to compile them into a list with my short opinions attached. If you are toying with the idea of watching this or that Chinese animation, check out below for both recommendations and a couple of no-no series ^.^”

First things first, some notes. “Wuxia” is a popular genre in Chinese media, based off martial arts, and most often it strays into fantasy territory (from what I’ve seen, at least). It comes with a set of already established tropes and world building details. Think about Western fantasy - when you see elves in it, you don’t have to be told what they are. There are variations, but generally elves = pointed ears + beautiful + magical, and everybody knows that. Wuxia has similar things that do not get explained in every story, so it might feel overwhelming at first, though many translators do try to explain them in the notes. Just for the sake of those who want to know before starting watching, here’s what might make your life easier:

Cultivators - people a little like mages, except they have flying swords and generally are well-versed in martial arts. Usually their purpose is to battle evil supernatural beings. In some stories they are ageless (as in, they don’t grow old) and very hard to kill, in others it’s toned down. Above a certain level, they often train by remote meditation.

Golden Core/Core Formation - sth like the source of their power?... Not exactly, but they have to form it through training if they want to use advanced techniques. It’s situated somewhere between chest and belly, I suck at anatomy, don’t kill me.

Paper talismans  - rectangular pieces of paper that are amazingly easy to toss at your enemies. Used for casting spells, easy to understand just by watching. Also if they seem to be glued to sth, then they usually serve as a seal of some kind.

Various demons/spirits/other magical beings - gosh, there’s a ton. TBH I don’t even know if some aren’t completely made-up by the authors for the sake of their stories. Generally be ready that a new demon/beast/something can jump out from every corner, and the characters are going to know what it is, while you don’t. Resentful energy seems to often be tied to them, as in, it’s what often fuels them.

All right, without further ado, here’s what I’ve tried already. The list is more or less in the order of recommendation, aka from those I liked best to those that I didn’t like at all.

Title: Mo Dao Zu Shi / The Grandmanster of Demonic Cultivation

Throughline: The supposed villain of the cultivators’ world gets reincarnated into an adult’s body 13 years after his death. Things escalate from there.

My take: 

+ my entry point into donghua.

+ I was hesitant to watch because of the BL tag, but there really is no need to get scared by it. There’s plot proper, well-developed characters, both main and side, and overall this clearly is a fantasy series with a romance rather than a romance with fantasy setting.

+ beautiful art and great animation with only sparse moments when CGI looks kinda clanky.

+ wonderful music, too.

+ honestly though, I’ve been on a low when I came across it and was brought back to life. It’s been a long, long time since I fangirled over a series so much.

+ if you follow my blog you must’ve already seen about it.

+ Just give it a try, OK?

- some things in the beginning are not clearly explained and many names get tossed in at once; especially if you don’t know any Chinese, they might all sound the same. The characters also all have long black hair and bishe faces. I recommend first checking them online and memorizing at least the main casts, it really makes watching it much easier - focus on the bangs and clothes, and try to remember their names. Or you can always rewatch the beginning after you get better at recognizing who is who.

- the cut to flashbacks is confusing, as it happens at the very end of episode 2. Then episodes 3 to 14.5 take place in the past - another thing that’s not super clear and worth keeping in mind.

Title: Di Wang Gong Lue / The Emperor’s Strategy

Throughline: The Emperor and his loyal noble ally take on many problems that befall the country.

My take:

+ This is the closest series to “Mo Dao Zu Shi” I found so far, though there aren’t that many specific similarities. Only the overall ‘feel’ is similar.

+ Also tagged BL, but TBH, if I didn’t know about it before watching, I still wouldn’t know it.

+ The relationship between the two main characters is like, funny and cute at the same time.

+ Politics and fantasy intertwined.

+ Also a lot of interesting side characters, though maybe they could’ve been given more screen time.

+ great character designs and music.

- animation. It looks like anime from around the year 2000, even though the series came out in 2018.

- some flashback stuff seems really cheesy. There’s not a lot of it, thankfully.

- the first three or four episodes aren’t very engaging. I got invested around episode 5, though as you see, the beginning isn’t so terrible that you can’t wade through it.

Title: Mi Yu Xing Zhe / Uncharted Walker

Throughline: A group of people are put on a tropical island, forced to play an escape game under extreme circumstances.

My take:

+ an interesting set of characters with various backgrounds, most of them likable or at least understandable.

+ despite the setup, it’s not as bloody as many similar series. Characters can die, but they don’t die that often, which really builds tension and keeps you on the edge of the seat, because when there’s a close-to-death moment, you never know if it’s one when the character will really die or when they get rescued last-minute.

+ there is a very strong “game” feeling to this, where characters generally have to figure out how to use their resources to overcome various obstacles.

+ some psychological stuff here and there.

+ very good animation and designs.

-/+ there are borderline supernatural elements, though generally playing pretend at scientific. I personally don’t mind it, but some people might be put off or disappointed.

- it turns much more creepy in the last 3 or so episodes, to the point that it becomes more of a horror than a survival and mystery story. Even worse, the horror stuff comes in a setup that’s pretty realistic, so I have flashback ‘till this day (I don’t like horrors, and being realistic makes it much worse). TBH if I knew, I’d probably resign from watching, because as much as I enjoyed everything up until that part, the creeps aren’t worth it... However, perhaps you like horrors better than I do.

- a HUGE cliffhanger at the end. But like, HUUUUUGE HUGE.

Title: Shuangsheng Lingtan /  Twin Spirit Detectives

Throughline: Twin brothers take on cases of supposed supernatural phenomena, bent on proving that they are not real - only that one of them appears to be a ghost himself...

My take:

+ interesting setup.

+ detective stuff - I have a soft spot for mysteries.

+ likable main characters and a few well-developed side characters, too.

+ animation is overall quite good.

+ has a solid arc, though with an open ending and kinda a cliffhanger about a side character at the end.

-/+ bordering on the supernatural territory again.

- horror elements, but thankfully, this time they aren’t that realistic.

- some things in the first few episodes feel rushed or not properly developed (apparently the issue is with the donghua adaptation, and the original manhua had a slower beginning).

Title: Quan Zhi Gao Shou /  The King’s Avatar

Throughline: The top player of “Glory” is forced to give up his account and retire for a year. What will he do now?

My take:

+ a decent setup, though it gets old quickly.

+ a large cast of interesting character with various strengths and weaknesses and strongly-defined personalities.

+ great art style and characters’ design.

+ great animation during fights.

- the main character. Just. I’ve rarely encountered such a Gary Stue, I really wish I could see him lose for real. Like, I’m OK with him beating noobs, that’s realistic, but he doesn’t stop even after other pros come into play.

- the plot seems generally directionless so far, and gets tiring easily.

- originally I was supposed to binge-watch it with friends as a series none of us knew beforehand, but we gave up after 6 episodes and I switched it to MDZS instead. I finished it alone later, and mostly for the sake of the side characters and animation.

- it is generally watchable, but like, far from best.

This point marks the end of series I watched whole. The following are series I dropped after 5-6 episodes (which I consider a fair amount).

Title: Ling Qi / Spritpact

Throughline: A guy dies and is given an ultimatum - to pass away or become a spirit companion of a demon-battling, Korean priest.

My take:

+ setup and world building. This seems just like the kind of fantasy that fits my taste.

+ ...character design is not terrible, I guess?

+ apparently the animation gets better in season 2.

+ the demon-battling priest seems like a character archetype I might like.

+/- TBH this series wasn’t tragic, I may still go back to it one day, if I really feel like it. The idea has potential and the plot probably gets better later, I just wasn’t able to prevail until then.

- animation in the first season is kinda meh. Could be worse, but it still doesn’t please. Don’t let the marvelous poster above deceive you!

- the main character. He’s so whiny, I was unable to stand him. He’s the main reason I dropped this, and I honestly have no idea if he gets any better later.

Title: Quanzhi Fashi / Full-Time Magister

Throughline: Three months after a guy gets transported into a magic-filled alternative reality, he struggles to get into magic school to become the best mage and get a lot of money for his family.

My take:

+ setup/world building again hit a soft spot in my fantasy-loving heart.

+ ...I’ve seen some fragments from season 2, apparently animation is good there.

- I hated the MC of QZGS, but he at least had half a reason to be so unrealistically OP. This guy here... he’s a new low... Basically “How to Write a Gary Stu?” example. Like. C’mon. You can have an OP cool protagonist without making them a GS.

- despite the potentially interesting premise, this is as simplistic as it could be. The MC is ridiculed, but he turns out to be super powerful with talent for not just one, but two most rare elemental magics. He gets bullied - then he shows off how much better he is than the bully during magic exams, stunning everybody. One of the Big Bad Rich Guys tries to recruit him - he flat-out refuses in a infuriatingly arrogant manner. Etc. etc.

- Characters are as deep as a puddle during drought.

- Look, there’s a set of tropes that are generally laughed at in this type of premise, like the MC having an OP secret power, getting put down by everybody to an unrealistic degree etc. Here they are played painfully straight, and there’s nothing more to the story. Absolutely nothing, not a single interesting character or plot thread. I kept watching for so long hoping that something would turn up, but it didn’t.

- animation in season 1 is pretty bad.

That would be all for my donghua experience so far. I had many ups, though I guess some salt pits were unavoidable +_+

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 7

With Tumblr holding my original writing blog @beccaheartschrisevans captive (aka flagged as explicit), I have made a secondary writing blog and may end up closing the other all together. In the meantime, I am reposting all of my stories on my new blog.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: n/a

Episode Summary: This episode takes place in August 2013. Chris takes Ellie with him to a friend's wedding.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological.  It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future.  However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 6

Episode 7: The Wedding

August 16, 2013

Ellie was in the kitchen cleaning up dinner when Chris came into the room with his cell phone pressed to his ear. Not wanting to eavesdrop, she tried to block out his voice, but he was talking so loudly that it was difficult.

"You promised to go with me, Scott," he said into the phone. "What the hell am I supposed to do now? I hate going to these things alone… You're right, you're right, work comes first… Ellie?"

Ellie looked up at the mention of her name and found Chris looking at her.

"Yeah, I supposed it wouldn't hurt to ask her," Chris said into the phone. "I know, Scott…. I just wish you'd given me more notice that's all… I promise I will ask her, she is actually staring at me right now…. Yes, I will let you know if you are off the hook."

Curious, Ellie waited until Chris pulled the phone from his ear and hit the 'end' button.

"So," he said, casually. "What are the chances you have this weekend off from the bookstore?"

"Depends on what you need me to do," Ellie replied, crossing her arms.

"Scott was supposed to go with me to a wedding in Palm Springs this weekend," Chris explained. "But he just called to tell me that they need him here in LA for reshoots. So I was hoping you were available to go to the wedding with me as my, uh, date."

"You were going to take your brother to a wedding as your date?" Ellie teased, unable to stop herself.

"Funny," Chris replied, rolling his eyes. "I RSVP'd with a plus one and I can't go to this thing by myself. If I do, women tend to think I am free game and won't leave me alone."

"So it's less date and more personal bodyguard?" she theorized. She wasn't sure if she was up to the task of protecting Chris from the aforementioned 'women', but she wouldn't be a friend if she made him go by himself.

"You're going to make me beg, aren't you?" he said with a sigh.

"Well, now that you mention it," she smirked, curious to see how far this would go.

"You truly are evil," Chris muttered as his phone dinged alerting him to a text message. A smile spread across his face as he read his brother's text. He shot a quick 'thanks' in reply then turned his attention back to Ellie. "Before you make me beg, the resort the wedding is at has a full service day spa. The wedding is tomorrow night and Scott had scheduled himself a massage that they won't let him cancel. It's fully paid for. If you come with me, the massage is yours."

Ellie scrunched up her face as she realized her gig was up and the cocky grin on Chris's face told her he knew it, too. "Alright, I'm in," Ellie sighed, after a moment, reaching her hand across the island to shake Chris's.

"You're the best," Chris said with a smile.

"What does one wear to a Palm Springs resort?" Ellie asked.

Chris took in her cutoff jean shorts and her hot pink racer back tank top and said, "Definitely not that."

"What? You mean you don't think this is a classy look?" Ellie asked. She did a slow turn and caught Chris's eyes bouncing from her ass to her face. "See something you like?" The words slipped from her mouth before she realized it and she felt her face heat up as she watched Chris's do the same. "Oh my God, don't answer that."

"In the sake of all honesty, you have a nice ass," Chris confessed, unable to stop himself. "I noticed it that first day we met."

"Yeah, well you have a nice cock." Ellie's eyes widened as the words registered in her head and she slapped her hand over her mouth as Chris let out a roar of laughter.

"That is the best come back I have ever heard," Chris said, wiping the tears from his eyes as he laughed.

"I'm glad you think so, meanwhile, I'm ready to go bury myself under the blankets of my bed and never leave," Ellie replied. She couldn't believe the words had left her mouth; true as they were or not.

"It's ok, honestly," Chris said, attempting to calm himself. "It's been like five months, we should be able laugh about it by now…"

"I suppose you're right," Ellie replied. "It was pretty funny when you think about it." She giggled as she remembered the paper towels. "The fact that you grabbed the -"

"Paper towels when there was a newspaper right there, yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom loves that part of the story too."

"How are we going to do this?" Ellie asked, sobering. "Like what are we telling people this weekend if they ask how we met."

"We'll keep it simple, you're my friend and you came as my date," Chris replied. "Keep it simple. We met through a mutual friend."

"There isn't going to be any paparazzi there, right? I mean, am I going to have to worry about them posting my picture somewhere with the caption 'Chris Evans dates mystery brunette with fake boobs' the next time I go to the grocery store?"

"It's not an industry wedding," Chris said with a chuckle. "So no, there shouldn't be any paparazzi. In fact, the resort we are going to is well protected so we should be fine."

"Ok, good," Ellie nodded. "I didn't want to have to defend myself to the cashier about my boobs being real."

"Should the situation present itself, I'd be happy to take a feel and confirm they're real, to defend your honor and all that," Chris said, earning him a glare from Ellie. "Too soon?"

"Too soon," Ellie said with a nod. "Now if you'll excuse me. I have some packing to do and I have to see if I can find someone to watch -"

"Scott said he'd stay here tomorrow night," Chris cut her off. "He also doesn't have to be on set until noon, so he'll check on Daisy before then."

"Perfect," Ellie replied. "I'll bring her kennel into the house in the morning. What time do I need to be ready?"

"9ish? Your massage is at noon, so leaving at 9 would give you time to get settled in your room first."

"Sounds good, I'll see you in the a.m."

With Daisy following her, Ellie went out to the guesthouse and opened her closet to pick out her most resort appropriate clothing. She selected the brand new dress she'd purchased when shopping with her sisters and then grabbed nice clothes from the back of her closet that she hadn't worn since she'd first moved to LA. She quickly tried them on and was pleasantly surprised when they still fit and actually felt a little looser than she remembered.

Not wanting to fold her nice clothes, she put them all under a dry cleaning plastic cover and then proceeded to fill her medium sized rolling suitcase with everything she thought she might need. It was nearly midnight by the time she lifted Daisy up onto the bed and climbed in after her.

When her alarm went off seven hours later, she sprung from her bed and took a quick shower. She waited until after she'd carried Daisy's kennel up to the main house before she put on her navy blue dress with striped top. She then made sure all the lights were off in the guesthouse before grabbing her purse, suitcase and the clothes that were hanging and carrying them up to the main house.

Chris came into the kitchen shortly after eight wearing a pair of khaki dress pants and a navy blue shirt that matched her outfit perfectly. He was carrying a hanging luggage bag and stopped short when he saw Ellie's stuff piled next to the table. "You do remember we are only going to be gone for one night, right?" he said, fighting back his laughter.

"Shut up," Ellie retorted, pushing her naturally curly hair out of her face. Spotting Chris's hanging luggage bag she asked, "I don't suppose you have another one of those…"

"You can just add 'em to mine," Chris replied. He unzipped it and held it open for her to add her stuff.

"Thanks," Ellie replied. "Want eggs for breakfast?"

"Sure, I'll get the coffee going," Chris offered.

An hour later, they were in Chris's car and pulling out of the driveway. They argued all the way to the freeway as to what music to play and Ellie finally convinced him to listen to one of her random car mixes.

After about thirty minutes of country songs and 90's boybands, Chris reached over and lowered the volume. "How about we just talk," he suggested.

"About what?" Ellie replied as she switched to a different playlist on her phone. She reached over to turn the volume back up, but had her hand swatted away.

"How about sports? I know you like baseball. Do you like anything?"

"I love football," she said with a grin. "I can't wait for the season to start."

"Really?" He cocked his eyebrow and glanced at her. "Who's your team?"

"Depends, are you asking college or NFL?"

"Do you have a preference?"

"I like college better, because every year you have new players and every 3 to 4 years, there is a major change over."

"Far enough. Who's your college team?"

"The Oregon Ducks, of course. Fun fact, our mascot, Puddles, is Donald Duck's alter ego."

"Uh huh, sure."

"No, I'm serious. One of our former Athletic Directors in the 1940's knew a Disney cartoonist and through him got a meeting with Walt Disney himself," Ellie stated. "There is a picture of Walt wearing an Oregon Ducks jacket. They changed the mascot costume a little, a few years ago, but all the Puddles branded stuff is Donald Duck."

"Given that that was a lot of information in like sixty seconds, I'm just going to believe you," Chris said with a chuckle. "Do you have an NFL team?"

"Of course I do. I'm a Northwest girl so it's obviously the Seahawks. I know you're a Pats fan, though."

"What gave it away?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Obviously not the Patriots shit you have all over the house," she said shaking her head. "I guess I'm just glad you don't like the Cowboys."

"Likewise."

From football their conversation moved to sports they played as kids then to childhood memories and everything in between while music played quietly in the background. It made the two and a half hour drive pass quickly; especially when traffic slowed to a crawl in certain places.

"Holy shit," Ellie gasped as she caught sight of the mission style resort. "This place is gorgeous."

"It belongs to the bride's family," Chris said. "The groom was one of my first roommates here in California."

Pulling up to the entrance, Chris and Ellie's doors were opened for them by resort staff. Chris was given a ticket for the valet service while Ellie supervised the other staff member pulling their luggage out of the trunk.

They made their way into the lobby and were greeted by a third staff member. "Good morning," she said, greeting them. "Can I get you two something to drink before I check you in?"

"No, I think we're good, thanks though," Chris replied.

"Follow me please." She led them over to the check in desk and asked Chris his name. "Ah, yes, I see your reservation here. It's an excellent room overlooking the golf course."

"One room?" Ellie asked in surprise.

"There must be a mistake," Chris told the lady. "There should be two rooms."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Evans, but there is only one room with a king size bed reserved under your name," the woman replied.

"But you have other rooms available, right?" Ellie asked her.

"No, Miss, I apologize, but we are fully booked this weekend," the lady replied.

"Can you give us a minute to talk?" Chris asked her.

"Of course," the woman replied, her smile not quite reaching her eyes.

"Now what?" Ellie asked as she and Chris moved away from the check-in desk. "There's nothing else out this way."

"I know," Chris replied. "We just shared a bed two weeks ago, are you opposed to doing it again?"

"I don't think we have any other options," Ellie sighed.

Walking back to the counter, Chris finished the checking in process and then he and Ellie were led to their second floor room by a bellhop.

The room was of modest size with a large king bed taking up most of it. The attached bathroom had a full glass shower, a separate tub and two sinks. The best feature, however, was the wall of windows that separated the small balcony from the rest of the room and looked out over the beautiful green golf course.

"I don't feel like we're in southern California anymore," Ellie muttered after the bellhop had left. "It's so green."

"You're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy," Chris teased as he opened the patio door and they stepped out into the warm air. "Gah, heat like this makes me miss Boston."

"All this green makes me miss Oregon," Ellie agreed. "This heat is atrocious. I feel my hair getting bigger already."

Chris snickered and stole a look at her before nodding his head. "It's definitely doing something…"

"Fuck, I may have to squeeze in a hair appointment today, too," Ellie grumbled. "You got any more of that Grant money I saw you hand the bellhop? You know, in case they don't take pity on me in the spa by the mere appearance of my hair?"

"Since you're helping me out this weekend, yes, I can give you some money," Chris replied with a shake of his head. "Can we go back inside now?"

Thirty minutes later, Ellie left the room with her room key, a small bag of supplies and extra money in her purse. The spa was easy to find and the receptionist took one look at her hair, asked if she was here for the wedding and quickly ushered her into a stylist's chair.

The stylist applied a product to Ellie's hair then wrapped her hair up before she was escorted to one of the private changing rooms. She took off her clothes and put on a thick terry cotton robe then grabbed the key to the changing room before being led to the massage table.

By the time she returned to her and Chris's room, two hours later, she was completely relaxed from her massage and the hot shower that had followed. The stylist had whipped her hair into submission and, for the first time in her life, she actually had bouncy curls! She'd even had her makeup and her nails done. She'd felt like she was floating during the entire walk back to the room.

"Wow," Chris said when he looked from when where he was laying on the bed. "You look nice."

"Thanks," Ellie replied. Catching sight of herself in the large mirror on the way, she swung her hair and giggled.

"Either you've already started drinking or the spa is experimenting with personality transplants," Chris laughed.

"I may have had a mimosa or two," Ellie smiled as she walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. "But look, Chris, look at my hair. It's never looked this good before! Gus, the hair stylist, is a God. There is no other way to describe him."

"It looks good," Chris agreed. Truthfully, he liked her hair in its wild natural form or pulled back in a ponytail. He liked her down to earth spunkiness. "But I'm guessing that this means you don't want to spend the next two hours down at the pool."

"Gus said to stay away from water," Ellie replied. "So that's a definite no."

With a couple hours to kill, they channel surfed until they found a preseason NFL game featuring two teams neither of them cared about, but they watched since it was football.

When they were down to the final thirty minutes, Chris went into the bathroom to take a quick shower while Ellie stayed in the main part of the room to get dressed. By the time Chris left the bathroom dressed and ready to go, all Ellie needed was for him to zip up the back of her dress.

"What are you doing?" she demanded as she saw Chris reaching for his plain black baseball cap. "You're not wearing that."

"Ellie, come on, I'm trying to be incognito, remember?"

"Wearing a baseball hat with a suit is not the way to remain incognito at a formal wedding," she said, putting her hands on her hips. "Just wear your sunglasses and keep your head down."

"You're the boss," Chris replied, holding up his hands defensively.

"And don't you forget it," Ellie smirked. She watched as he grabbed his sunglasses and slipped them on. "Perfect! Let's go."

They made their way down to the outdoor ceremony and took two seats in the very last row that had been reserved for them.

"How many people are here?" Ellie whispered.

"500?" Chris guessed as he looked out over the crowd. Half of them were seated on an upper patio while the rest were in a grassy area.

"Do you know anyone other than the bride and the groom?" Ellie asked.

"The groom, Ray, and I were two of five roommates," Chris replied. "So I suspect our other roommates are here. As for Kady's guests, I don't know anyone."

They stopped talking as Ray and the officiant walked to the front of the audience and took their positions. Fourteen pairs of bridesmaids and groomsmen made their way down the aisle before the bride appeared with her father.

After the ceremony ended, the wedding party was escorted away for photos while the guests were excused to the cocktail hour. Servers made their way through the crowd with appetizers and custom drinks created by the bride and groom for the wedding.

Chris and Ellie found a quiet table along the edge of the party and relaxed as they people watched. Spotting a group of six walking towards them, Ellie nudged Chris and pointed.

A smile spread across Chris's face as he recognized his three other roommates and their beautiful wives. One by one he gave them each a hug and then introduced them to Ellie. "This is Ellie," he told them. "Ellie, this is Chucky and Tanya Kelley, Bryant and Gloria Gomez and Brock and Tessa Alexander."

"Hi," Ellie said with an awkward wave to the six strangers in front of her.

"So how did this one convince you to come to this festive event?" Chucky asked as he put Chris in a pretend headlock. "Just blink twice if you're not here by your own choosing."

"Shut the fuck up, Chuck," Chris said, elbowing his friend in the gut. "Ellie is just a friend doing me a favor because Scott had a conflict."

"Alright, friend Ellie, how did you meet this guy?" Chucky asked as he gave Chris a playful push.

"Mutual friends," Ellie replied, giving her best poker face as she tried to come up with a better answer. "We both love Red Sox baseball and football and they thought we'd get along great."

"Of course, C.E. would find a girl, sorry, a friend, that loves football," Brock chuckled. "Has he told you about his annual NFL kickoff party? It's a blast."

"No," Ellie said, looking at Chris with raised eyebrows. "He hadn't mentioned anything about a party…"

"We'll have something to talk about on the way home," Chris said with a forced chuckle.

A voice came over the speaker system inviting everyone to make their way to the dinner area.

"Saved by the bell," Bryant teased Chris.

"A kickoff party?" Ellie hissed to Chris as they followed the other three couples.

"It's usually a potluck style," Chris replied. "I usually supply the drinks and chips."

"Still," Ellie said, forcing a smile on her lips as she realized they were sitting at a table with his friends.

As they reached the table, Chris pulled her chair out for her and then pushed it back in once she was seated.

"So," Ellie said, leaning in. "You guys have known this one for a while. I'm sure you have lots of hilarious stories to share." She tossed Chris a grin.

"We're in public," Chris said, shaking his head. "Keep in clean."

Chris's friends shared stories as they ate the delicious five course meal. By the time they'd finished eating, they were all a little tipsy from their drinks and their faces hurt from laughing. Even Chris had joined in on the storytelling, dragging his friends down with him.

They all quieted down as the bride and groom shared their first dance as husband and wife. That dance was followed by the other traditional dances, but soon the lead singer of the live band invited everyone out on top the dance floor to work off their dinner.

Ellie had assumed she and Chris would sit out on the dancing, but his friends wouldn't allow it. She quickly found herself being pulled out onto the dancefloor with her hand clutched in Chris's. The first few dances were lively and upbeat, but then it switched to a slow song.

Before she and Chris had a chance to escape the dance floor, they were pushed together. After moving their hands from the awkward spots they had landed, they repositioned themselves so they were in a basic slow dance hold, with her hands resting on his shoulders and his hands on her waist.

As soon as the song was done, Chris grabbed her hand and made a beeline off the dance floor. Ellie laughed as he pulled her over to the bar and it was as they were leaving with drinks that they ran into the bride and groom. Chris introduced Ellie to them and, in the few minutes they spent with them, Ellie could tell that they were as genuine and sweet as Chris's other friends.

An hour or so later, their group sat at their table listening to the speeches being made by the wedding party and various other people. The toasts were immediately followed by the bride and groom cutting the cake and then the servers delivered small, personal-sized cakes to everyone.

By the time they'd finished eating their dessert, it was nearly midnight and the long day was starting to catch up to Chris and Ellie. They said their goodbyes to Chris's friends and then took one of the golf cart shuttles back to the main building where they were staying.

After Chris helped Ellie unzip the back of her dress, she went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. When she exited fifteen minutes later, she was wearing one of the hotel's fluffy white robes over her matching camisole and short pajamas.

While Chris was in the bathroom, Ellie admired her hair in the mirror, amazed that it still looked fantastic after so many hours. She was beginning to think that Gus the hairstylist was a magician.

Not ready to climb into the bed yet, Ellie grabbed her phone and sat down on the end of the chaise lounge. She laid back against the soft fabric and wondered if she shouldn't just sleep there with her hair cascading over the side.

When Chris came out of the bathroom, he shook his head and asked, "Are you coming to bed soon?"

"I think I'm going to sleep right here," Ellie replied, moving her head slightly so the still bouncy curls swayed over the edge of the arm. "Keep my hair from getting messed up."

"You are not sleeping on that thing," Chris said firmly. "You'll hurt your neck."

"But my hair looks so good, Chris!" Ellie pouted.

"Ellie -" He stopped when he realized he didn't know her middle name. "What's your middle name?"

"Elaine," she replied with a yawn.

"You're name is Ellie Elaine?"  he asked, confused.

"No, Ellie is short for Elaine. My first name is Sarah," she explained.

"So why don't you go by Sarah?" he inquired.

"Because that was my grandma's name and she went by Sarah."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense," Chris replied. "What were we talking about again?"

"I believe you were getting ready to threaten me," Ellie stated.

"Oh right," Chris nodded. He cleared his throat and then in a stern voice said, "Sarah Elaine, you're not sleeping on that thing. I will carry you to the bed if I have to and I will lay on top of you to make you stay."

Ellie sat up and stared at Chris in shock. "You do realize you would crush me if you laid on top of me, right?" she asked.

"Oh, right," Chris said. "Well, I'd find some way to restrain you to the bed."

"Fine," Ellie sighed as she forced herself up. "Have it your way."

While she got into the bed, Chris adjusted the air conditioning of the room, turning it to a lower temperature. He then grabbed an extra blanket from the closet and tossed it to Ellie. He knew she liked to sleep in a cold room, like he did, but he'd learned that she was a bit of a blanket hog.

Climbing into the bed, Chris turned off the lights and pulled the blankets up to his chin. He heard Ellie rustling around next to him and waited for her to get settled before his closed his eyes.

Hours later, he awoke to her long hair fanned out across his face. Brushing it away, he looked over and saw that she was lying on her side facing him. Sometime during the night they had moved from their respective edges to the middle of the bed where a mere foot or so separated them from each other.

Unable to fall back to sleep, he watched her. He loved that her hair had returned to its natural form sometime during the night and it surround her like a lion's mane.

"Stop staring at me, you creeper," she mumbled.

Chris couldn't help but laugh.

Episode 7.25

Want to find me off tumblr? I’m @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

My tag list is always open, just let me know if you’d like to be added!

[flirting-with-psychology]

Truth of Dare (and I’m gonna do them all cause I’m bored)

1: (truth) Who was your first major celebrity crush? (dare) Put your music player on shuffle and post the first five songs.

Truth: I guess Peter Pan even though technically he was a character and not a celebrity

Dare: 1. The Stranger - Billy Joel. 2. You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift. 3. You’ll Be Back - Hamilton. 4. The Trolls - Frozen. 5. Second Chance - Shinedown

2: (truth) What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you in the past week? (dare) Refresh your dashboard and send an anonymous compliment to the person who posted whatever’s at the top of your dash.

Truth: I got tongue tied in front of a cute guy. He either found it adorable or pathetic

Dare: Done

3: (truth) What are your three favorite things about your appearance? (dare) List all nine of your tumblr crushes, and describe each blog/blogger in one word.

Truth: My eyes, my hands, my boobs

Dare: Mint-rumneigh: funny. nope4hope: roommate? potatouprising: nerdy. thegirldownthelaine: cool. wonderwomanlovesyou: fandoms. flynnomalleys: Choices. choicesobsession: Choices. mrsperegrintook: Roommate. an-indecisives-choice: Choices

4: (truth) What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you? (dare) Post the oldest selfie on your camera roll.

Truth: Raised me

Dare: Done

5: (truth) If your parents knew everything you’ve ever done, what would they think is the worst thing? (dare) Tag the three nonmutuals you admire most.

Truth: Probably slapping myself when I fuck up

Dare: @taylorswift @the-average-gatsby @juliajm15

6: (truth) What is the last thing you purchased? (dare) Tag three people you’ve thirst followed.

Truth: McDonalds

Dare: @asimplepotatofarmer @therulesdonotknowme @joshpeck

7: (truth) How many hours did you sleep last night? (dare) Send an anonymous compliment to the last person who followed you.

Truth: Like 7 whole hours but I’m still tired from this week

Dare: Done

8: (truth) If you could go on a date with any of your mutuals, who would it be and what would you do? (dare) Send an anonymous compliment to one of your four “Biggest Fans” on tumblr.

Truth: Therulesdonotknowme but unfortunately I’ve already burned that bridge, I think the only reason we’re still mutuals is because he never gets on tumblr. It would be cute for him to show me around his city

Dare: Done

9: (truth) How did you meet your best friend? (dare) Refresh your dashboard. Open the blog of the person who posted whatever’s at the top of your dash. Reblog their most recent selfie.

Truth: Our parents got us together when we were one

Dare: Couldn’t find one

10: (truth) What was your favorite band five years ago? (dare) Tag a blog that posts very different content from yours, but that you couldn’t imagine not following.

Truth: Glee

Dare: @benditlikegumby

11: (truth) Where did you get each article of clothing you’re wearing right now? (dare) Pick up the closest book to you. Turn to page 39 and copy down line 7.

Truth: Necklace: museum gift shop. Shirt: my friend’s grandma. Pants: goodwill. Glasses: glasses store. Bra: Kohl’s. Underwear: Kohl’s

Dare: It’s blank

12: (truth) What are your five favorite girls’ names and five favorite boys’ names? (dare) Copy and paste the 14th line of text from the last document you worked on in Word or Google Drive.

Truth: Rachel, Diana, Phoenix, Hannah, Star (why I picked it). Shane, Eric, Matt, Lucas, Connor

13: (truth) What’s your most irrational fear? (dare) Tag five mutuals who take amazing selfies.

Truth: Spiders

Dare: @mellifllxous @cultured-pearl @benditlikegumby @im-significant @homofied

14: (truth) If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life (consisting of clothes you already own), what would it be? (dare) Tag someone you follow who has amazing fashion sense.

Truth: A dress that’s comfy but also cute

Dare: @thewonderofafairytale

15: (truth) If you could rock any unusual article of clothing/makeup technique/hairstyle, what would it be? (dare) Go to the blog of the last person you reblogged a text post from. Reblog your favorite of their selfies.

Truth: A bob. But I tried it and I can’t quite rock it

Dare: Couldn’t find one

16: (truth) What is your dream job? (dare) Post the four most recent pictures in your camera roll.

Truth: Something in the film industry

Dare: Pretty much done already, half of them were in another post

17: (truth) Where is the last place you went that took over two hours to get to? (dare) Post screenshots of your phone’s lock screen and home screen.

Truth: Probably somewhere close, fuck the bus

Dare: Done

18: (truth) How old were you when you had your first kiss? If you haven’t had it yet, how old do you want to be? (dare) Go to the last app/tab you opened. Post a screenshot.

Truth: I was 18

Dare: done

19: (truth) What is the first thing you remember having to keep secret? (dare) Tag five bloggers who you associate with being obsessed with something particular, and list what each of them is obsessed with.

Truth: Me and my friend climbing onto the cat structure

Dare: @literally all the choices blogs: Choices. @parfaitfaye: kpop. @cultured-pearl: boys and Taylor Swift (it’s ok me too). @person #1 who I’ve fallen out with: Once Upon a Time. @other person I’ve fallen out with: music. I know they’re not all really tags but I couldn’t think of many

20: (truth) What does your bedroom look like? (dare) Take one selfie and post it. You only get one shot! (No old selfies or retrying, even if you think you look bad)

Truth: Actually pretty cute, pink and turquoise accents, posters and stuff on the walls

Dare: Done

21: (truth) What three fictional characters would you most like to meet? (dare) Write your name down on a piece of paper and draw a quick picture of yourself. Take a photo of it and post it.

Truth: Kelsier from Mistborn, Harry Potter from Harry Potter, Raydan from Choices

Dare: No more pictures, my phone’s dying

22: (truth) What are three things you’re looking forward to? (dare) Tag the last three people you reblogged posts from, and estimate how many followers they have.

Truth: Film shoots later this summer, seeing the cute guy at the gym cafe, getting some damn sleep

Dare: @nayla-sa: 4000. @potatouprising: 1500. @thegirldownthelaine: 2000

23: (truth) What are your three biggest turn ons, and your three biggest turn offs? (dare) Put your music player on shuffle. Without actually listening to it, write the lyrics to the chorus of the first song.

Truth: I’m bored of this question, I must have answered it a thousand times

Dare: My phone is dying so no

24: (truth) If you could only own five material objects (not counting life necessities like food/water/a house/etc) what would they be? (dare) Put your music player on shuffle. Post what the first three songs are, and for each one, tag a blog that the song reminds you of.

Truth: Laptop, phone, stuffed dog, crush log, stuffed cat

Dare: Phone is dying so no (i’m on a school computer for the rest of this)

25: (truth) What is the last thing you lied about? (dare) Tag three people you want to know better and ask them each three questions about themselves.

Truth: The reason I was late to work was a half-truth

Dare: Nah fam that’s too much work

26: (truth) What’s the last movie you watched? (dare) Reblog the most recent of your own selfies posted on tumblr, and in the tags say two things you like about your appearance in it?

Truth: Coco

Dare: Done

27: (truth) What are three things you like about yourself unrelated to your appearance? (dare) Post a picture from your camera roll that you’ve been meaning to post on tumblr.

Truth: I’m creative, I’m smart, and I like boys

Dare: Phone is dead

28: (truth) How do you take your coffee? (dare) Post the last picture you posted on a social media platform other than tumblr.

Truth: I don’t

Dare: Phone is dead

29: (truth) What are your worst habits? (dare) Put your Top 25 Most Played songs on shuffle and list the first five.

Truth: Procrastinating, staying up late, eating junk food. Most of my bad habits involve lack of impulse control

Dare: I don’t even know how to do that

30: (truth) What is the last thing you did that you have to keep secret from someone? Who do you have to keep it secret from? (dare) Tag five blogs with great URLs.

Truth: Crushed on a married coworker. I have to keep that secret from pretty much everyone including him

Dare: @irunwithscissorstofeeldangerous @the-average-gatsby @huffylemon @joshpeck @this-is-my-temporary-url (I helped her pick it)

[ayearofpike]

“Collect Call”

From Thirteen, ed. T. Pines Scholastic, 1991 73 pages, 2 parts ISBN 0-590-45256-8 LOC: unknown OCLC: 24486627 Released October 1, 1991 (per Amazon UK)

When the new boy at school gives the head cheerleader a tape for her birthday, Janice Adams is jealous, enough that they get in a fight as they’re driving home from a party. Unfortunately, the fight makes Janice drive off the road and wreck her car, killing the cheerleader. But when she gets home, her answering machine starts playing new messages from the cheerleader, leading her back to the scene of the wreck – somehow, before it ever happens.

We’re fully into the edgy ‘90s now, and kid lit has come along for the ride. This collection, to me, reads as Scholastic trying to not only sell this book, but others by related authors. They knew kids were getting into thrillers, and that a compilation of short stories might be a good way to move more books. Tonya Pines says it herself in her introduction: the boom in sales made this book inevitable, with the part about buying other writers’ books going unsaid. And there are some names we recognize there on the cover – Pike for sure, R.L. Stine (who might have ended up even hotter in terms of pure sales), and also Caroline Cooney and Diane Hoh, who we might recognize as Cheerleaders authors. What I can’t get over is that obvious pen name at the top. D.E. Athkins indeed.

For the purposes of this blog, I only read “Collect Call” this time around. However, some of the other stories in here are quite good. Ellen Emerson White’s “The Boy Next Door” was my favorite at the time I read the book. I definitely shared that one around more than the Pike. She built the hard left turn at the end far better than anything I had seen from him, and certainly never before in such a tightly-crafted short story (it’s only like 18 pages!). White mostly wrote historical fiction, it looks like, besides the very occasional foray into thrillers, so I don’t know how she got tabbed for this anthology. The only other of her books I read, an adult mystery that came a few years later, was kind of boring. “The Boy Next Door” was far more memorable.

But anyway, we’re here to talk about Christopher Pike and “Collect Call.” It starts at a high school party, where Janice is trying to get up her courage to talk to Bobby Walker, the mysterious and cool new kid who always wears the same black leather jacket and jeans. For a minute, he seems like he’s too cool to remember her, but then he knows more about Janice than he’s let on. But right when she feels special, he calls over Caroline Spencer, the head cheerleader whose birthday it is, and hands her a cassette tape of music from some hot new artist called the Black Walker. Hmm, wonder if they’re associated in any way? Nah, too obvious.

So a couple hours later, the party’s ending, and Caroline asks Janice for a ride home. Janice is more than a six-pack in at this point, but she agrees. They listen to Bobby’s tape, which moves them, but then they get in an argument about him. This is the whole reason Caroline wanted a ride from Janice. She wants Janice to lay off, and Janice is basically like screw you, he’s not your property. So Caroline literally slugs the driver of the car she’s in in the face, just as they reach a curve over a steep incline.

When the car finally stops at the bottom, Janice is just a little scraped up, but Caroline has gone partway through the windshield and is obviously dead. Remember, Janice was not just driving drunk, she was driving totally fucked up. She doesn’t want to go to jail for this, so she gets the great idea to move Caroline into the driver’s seat. The tape is on Caroline’s lap, so Janice just sticks it in her pocket before starting the shift. Just as she’s getting Caroline positioned, she gets a weird premonition and gets away from the car right before it explodes in a giant fireball. And Caroline starts screaming as she burns alive. 

Freaky, no? It gets weirder. Janice gets home after being treated and questioned about the crash, drops everything right beside the answering machine, and jumps into the shower. When she gets out, there’s a new message - and it’s Caroline, asking for a ride to the party. The party that’s over. The one that Caroline died on the way home from. So Janice figures, huh, that’s weird, but she must have called before and I didn’t notice the message light. So she gets in bed, starts to settle in – and then hears the answering machine start going again. And it’s Caroline, even more insistent than before. Janice turns the machine off – and it starts recording again anyway, and Caroline is getting pissed. So Janice puts on her torn and bloody clothes, including her broken watch, and gets into her mom’s car and takes off.

To kill some time while she’s driving aimlessly, she sticks a tape into the player. The tape from the answering machine. And now Caroline is giving her driving directions like some kind of ethereal GPS. Janice, for lack of anything better to do or any kind of real explanation, follows them, straight to the point where she drove off the road before. And there’s no wreck. There’s not even broken glass. While she’s checking out the site, her watch starts again, counting down the last couple of minutes before her car is slated to come bombing off the road. And sure enough, right at the hour, here it comes. Janice realizes that she needs to get Caroline out of the car first, but when she goes around to help the driver, they keep canceling each other’s attempts to open the door. And pretty soon it’s too late, and the car explodes with Janice inside.

So Caroline wakes up in the hospital and learns about poor Janice’s fate. She’s told that Bobby Walker is hoping to see her, and while she’s waiting for him to come in she checks the voicemail on the hospital room phone. Because I guess pretty popular girls assume they have messages no matter where they are or what’s just happened.

But she has two. The first is from Bobby, hoping she liked the tape. The second? You already know. Janice says that the fire burned off her hands, but don't worry, she'll be in touch soon. And that's where the first part leaves us hanging.

Part 2 starts a month later, with Caroline having agreed to go on a date with Bobby. She's still recovering from her injuries sustained in the accident, hasn't even been back to school in fact, but there's something about his voice and his attitude that makes her feel like she needs to go. Bobby wants to go to a horror movie, and Caroline doesn't even like horror movies but she still agrees. The movie they go to? The Listeners, a story about a lizard monster from the past who possesses one of a set of twins and starts killing everyone. I know, this sounds familiar, but it's also upcoming: Pike has once again referenced one of his works that he hasn't yet written. At this point, The Listeners the novel was still four years away from publication, but he must have had the plot fleshed out already. (And we'll talk more about how he reuses YA themes in an adult novel again when we get there.) 

(And now I’m thinking about whether I need to try to tie together the Pike Extended Universe. It’s not the first time another work has shown up in one of his stories. But I’m not going to do it in this post. Just thinking about it I’m getting tired.)

But so anyway, Caroline averts her eyes for most of the gory parts, and Bobby doesn't like that. He thinks she's missed out on understanding what the movie is really trying to tell her, and makes her stick around for the next showing, with the implication that he'll do something bad if she doesn't watch every second. So Caroline does, and she starts remembering stuff about the accident that didn't happen: Janice climbing out of the car, Janice pulling her into the driver's seat, Janice backing away just before it exploded. Only this couldn't have happened, because Janice is dead. 

But we the readers saw Janice do this too, so what gives? Bobby's not totally forthcoming with what gives, but he does want to take Caroline somewhere else, and says she'll know more when they get there. "There," Caroline is appalled to learn, is Janice's grave. Before she can even move to get away, he's tied her to a tree and is digging up the coffin. 

While he does, he puts on the Black Walker's song and explains it. If you put a tape recorder in a silent location, Bobby explains, sometimes you'll get a ghost whisper. Bobby lucked out and got an entire song, which acted as an explanation of how to sacrifice unaware young women to a demon god. It haunted Janice into a nightmare before she ever knew she was dead, and it continues to haunt Caroline with her knowledge that her punch is what made Janice drive off the road in the first place. What's more, it gives Bobby the strength and the motivation to do what he does. So just like the twin in his favorite movie, Bobby is a vehicle for an ancient evil, and Caroline is just his most recent victim. He plans to throw her in the coffin with Janice's body and bury her alive.

Lucky for Caroline, it takes a while to dig through six feet of earth, even if one is possessed by an evil spirit. And also lucky for Caroline, there's only one copy of the song on the tape, which provides enough blank space for her to hear a ghost whisper of her own: Record. Button. So she snags the tape recorder with her feet, rewinds the tape to the beginning, and records over the Black Walker's song with "Silent Night." Bobby doesn't notice until he's ready to throw her in the grave, and the missing song saps all of his energy, which gives Caroline time to whack him over the head with the shovel and throw him into what was intended to be her final resting place. And as she heaps the earth on top of him, the voices on the tape swell and expand, a ghostly choir presumably of Bobby's victims singing along with Caroline's lone voice.

And so we reach the end of Pike’s first short story that we know of. It works fine, I think, but it seems like it wants to breathe and is out of room to do so. Part 2 seems like it could have (and maybe should have) been a short story by itself, but without the background of Part 1 it wouldn’t have worked as well. You get the impression that Pike, constricted to a length of maybe a third of his regular works, really wants to throw more detail in but can't. And that's not really what short stories are about anyway – it’s about crafting a tale with the minimum amount of information you need to tell it, without sacrificing the details that will engage the reader. Every word counts, and if it doesn’t count you should leave it out. Pike isn’t super good at leaving stuff out, and so "Collect Call" is straining against its bounds. (I never even mentioned the dude who threw the party and all the extraneous details used to describe a kid who’s not even integral to the plot.)

To be fair, Pike’s bio at the end of the book says he’s "America's best-selling author of young-adult fiction," and if that's true it makes sense that they'd let him kind of go as long as he wanted here. (None of the other stories even goes more than 30 pages, let alone two parts.) Still, I don't think it was quite enough for him. After all, this is a dude who has now written nine books about an eternal vampire. We’ll get to some more short stories in a bit, and as I recall he’ll start to figure out the genre. But “Collect Call” takes too much time on extras and is too floaty and flighty (at least in the first part) to be a real engaging read. Kind of like this blog.

[mcneelamusic]

FAQ – Top Tips for Caring for Your Bodhran

The bodhrán skin is the most important part of the bodhrán. It dictates the quality of sound your drum will produce. It also happens to be the most temperamental part of this iconic frame drum. After all, it’s made from goat skin, and goats are famously stubborn.

So, the best thing you can do care for your bodhrán is to learn to care for its skin.

I often receive queries from customers asking about best practice when it comes to caring for and maintaining their new bodhráns. So I’ve put together this handy guide which will hopefully answer all your questions and help keep your instrument in top condition!

Contents [hide]

How to Break in Your Bodhran

How to Use Drum Diddly Bodhran Cream to Condition Your Bodhran Skin

How Often Should You Treat Your Bodhran Skin?

How to Tighten Your Bodhran Skin

How to Tune a Non-Tuneable Bodhran

What’s the Correct Tension for My Bodhran?

How to Store Your Bodhran

How to Re-Skin a Bodhran

The Right Environment for Storing Your Bodhran

How to Break in Your Bodhran

Breaking in a new bodhrán skin is like breaking in a new pair of shoes. The more you play your bodhrán, the more you’ll break it in and the better it will sound!

A good conditioning treatment will greatly aid the breaking-in process, and we have just the thing! McNeela’s Drum Diddly Bodhrán Cream.

Drum Diddly is a specially developed bodhrán conditioning cream that’s been developed and made in Ireland especially for premium bodhrán goatskin, including Lambeg skins.

The cream contains lanolin and beeswax which will help to replenish your bodhrán skin, leaving it smooth and supple, with increased tension. Regular use can help preserve the longevity of your bodhrán skin and help reduce the occurrence of punctures and tears.

Lanolin cream or grapeseed oil are suitable alternatives which can also be used safely on bodhrán skin.

How to Use Drum Diddly Bodhran Cream to Condition Your Bodhran Skin

All you need to do is remove a small amount of Drum Diddly Bodhrán Cream from the container and, using your fingers, massage it into the skin on the front of the bodhrán. Use large circular motions to spread the cream over the skin. Then, leave it overnight to soak in.

The following day, take a soft, lint-free cloth and, again using large circular motions, wipe the skin with the cloth. This will remove any excess product from the skin. Continue to buff until the skin is dry and no longer sticky.

You’ll notice a difference immediately in not just the feel and texture of the skin, but also the sound it produces.

I recommend only treating the outside (front or top) of the bodhrán skin, especially for non-tuneable bodhráns.

Why? Conditioning creams affect moisture absorption. In order to adjust the tone of a non-tuneable bodhrán you’ll need it to be capable of absorbing water; the easiest way to adjust the tone of a non-tuneable bodhrán is by lightly misting it with water, wetting it down with a spray bottle.

How Often Should You Treat Your Bodhran Skin?

If you live in a dry climate, you will need to treat your bodhrán skin more frequently. At least once a month, but more frequently depending on how dry the skin becomes. Don’t be afraid to be as kind to your bodhrán as you would be to your own skin!

If you live in a humid climate, you will need to treat your bodhrán skin less frequently. No more than once a month (unless the skin is really dry and desperately in need of moisture).

If you live in a location however that is dry in winter but experiences humidity in summer, be careful not to overtreat your bodhrán during the dry winter months.

Why? Bodhráns react differently to changes in both humidity and temperature.

Dry weather conditions cause the skin to lose moisture, causing it to tighten which raises the tone. Damp weather conditions, or high humidity, cause the skin to absorb moisture, causing it to expand and loosen, lowering the tone.

Ideally, bodhráns require a temperate climate and moderate weather conditions. Unfortunately, this is beyond our control. We can however learn how best to care for our bodhráns and adapt to changes in the weather. So you can play in any conditions and achieve the best sound possible.

How to Tighten Your Bodhran Skin

All McNeela bodhráns are shipped with the tension of the skin loosened to avoid any strain on the skin fibres as it travels through different climates.

Once you receive your new bodhrán, you’ll need to adjust the tension of the skin accordingly.

To tighten the skin of a tuneable bodhran, gently turn each tuner clockwise one half turn to spread the tension. Some bodhrán players recommend alternating between tuners on opposite sides of the drum to best achieve an even tension.

When using the tuning pegs be careful not to over tighten. Too much tension will stretch and damage even the best bodhrán skin.

Some skins may require a lot of tuning initially but will settle down and stabilise in time.

How to Tune a Non-Tuneable Bodhran

If the skin of your non-tuneable bodhrán is very loose, gently rub it with a damp cloth or mist with a spray bottle of water.

Hold the bodhrán for a short time near a low source of heat such as a hairdryer or radiator. Please heat it carefully!

As the skin warms up it will first become loose and the tone will drop in pitch.

Once you remove it from the heat however, the skin will tighten as it cools and the tone will rise in pitch.

What’s the Correct Tension for My Bodhran?

Remember, the tighter the skin, the higher the tonal pitch. The looser the skin the lower the tonal pitch.

Keep adjusting until you strike a balance between a rich, deep bass tone and ease of playing.

Some bodhrán players favour more bass while others prefer more tension to allow for top-end playing. The choice is up to you. It may take some trial and error to find the tension that best suits your playing.

The most important thing to remember is that you want the skin to have even tension all over. In other words, make sure one side isn’t tighter or looser than the other.

How to Store Your Bodhran

Before packing your bodhrán away you should reduce the tension by turning the tuners at least a full turn.

When it’s time to take it out to play again, all you should have to do is tighten up by one full turn. At least, in theory. Changing weather conditions means you may have to adapt a little each time.

Though, top bodhrán player Rónán Ó Snodaigh suggests not packing your bodhrán away at all. This bodhrán maestro says keeping the bodhrán within easy reach encourages more frequent playing.

If you opt to follow Rónán’s lead, make sure you choose the location carefully. I’d suggest using an instrument stand so no clumsy individual ends up putting their foot through your bodhrán. I’ve seen it happen before and still haven’t quite recovered from the shock!

The Right Environment for Storing Your Bodhran

Store your bodhrán somewhere cool, with an even temperature. Make sure to store your bodhrán in a case or gig bag. This will protect it from any unexpected knocks and bumps, and also offer some protection from temperature and humidity changes.

All McNeela bodhráns come with a free gig bag. A high quality gig bag is a solid investment that will help preserve the life of your bodhrán.

If you live in an extremely dry climate, consider storing your bodhrán (and any other wooden musical instruments) with a humidifier. Similarly, if you live in an extremely humid climate, a dehumidifier might be a good investment. Alternatively, you could consider moving to Ireland!

If you’re traveling long distances, the same rules apply.

How to Re-Skin a Bodhran

Occasionally the skin on older bodhráns can warp and become too loose, losing its tone and definition. If this is the case, don’t despair! It’s possible to have your bodhrán re-skinned.

Here at McNeela Instruments we can provide and fit new skins for all makes and models of bodhrán. Get in touch and we’ll help breathe a new lease of life into your tired old drum with our re-skinning service.

If for any reason your beloved instrument is beyond repair (perhaps a few too many sessions and wild nights out) you can always take a look at our range of high quality affordable bodhráns in our Online Bodhrán Store. We have something to suit every level of player.

If you’re not sure which instrument is right for you, have a read of my blog: The Bodhrán Maker’s Guide to Buying a Bodhrán.

[kyndaris]

The Hard-Hitting Questions

So, I found this posted on a blog I was following and thought I might break it all down and answer these questions as honestly as I could.

1: Do you try to stay away from walkthroughs?

It depends on the game. Usually, I do try to play through blind but in games where it is best to max stats/ relationships/ unlock codex entries, I will often use a walkthrough so that I won’t miss out on certain scenes or events. Otherwise, the only time I would use a walkthrough is if I were stuck.

2: Company you're always loyal to?

I would say that rather than a company, I am far more loyal to a franchise. Whether that is Kingdom Hearts or Assassin’s Creed. 

3: Best game you've ever played?

This is a difficult question as there are many things that make up an excellent game. For me, the best game that I’ve currently played is the Witcher 3. It has all the hallmarks that I adore: from being a role-playing game with active combat, as well as a thrilling story to tell. The runner-up would be the Uncharted franchise that drew me in even when I had yet to own a Playstation 3. The bombastic set pieces and the effective story seemed like a must play for me.

4: Worst game you've ever played?

I can’t quite say that I’ve played many ‘bad’ games. The one game that I could not invest in was Soul Sacrifice. Despite my best efforts, it simply was not the type of game that caught my eye.

5: A popular series/game you just can't get into no matter how much you try?

Oh, let me list the many popular game series in the world that I have yet to try. First and foremost would be the Monster Hunter franchise, followed by Metal Gear Solid, Dark Souls and Resident Evil. 

6: A game that's changed you the most?

I doubt that there was a game that changed me the most. There have been games that have made me pause and reflect on the nature of things such as Bioshock Infinite and Prey. Though the most influential game that hooked me on a type of gaming would have been the Shadowrun revivals. I never thought crpgs (computer role playing games) with their asymmetric gameplay would have drawn me in but the mixture of strategy and role-playing statistics slowly but surely drew me in.

7: A game you'll never forget?

The game that I will never forget is Kingdom Hearts. It was one of the first games that I played and it was the one that had me salivating with anticipation. The union of Disney with these strange JRPG tropes was a match made in heaven that I could not help but crave. Most likely due to the fact that I have always been a lover of Disney films.

8: Best soundtrack?

Is it cheating if I simply say Final Fantasy? As in the entire franchise? However, if I had to choose a singular soundtrack, it would have to go to Child of Light. I adored the soundtrack found therein.

9: A game you turn your volume off every time you play it?

After a while, I tune out the music from arpgs (action role-playing games) with its endless clicking and loot drops to lure you further down the track. Some examples would include Diablo 3 and Victor Vran.

10: A game you've completely given up on?

The best example that comes to mind is Soul Sacrifice. After a while, I simply could not click with how the game played. The endless grind for better loot and items based on an ephemeral scoring of performance was more than I could bear and in the end, I traded the game in.

That and Codename STEAM. Mostly due to the fact that there was no tangible reward in the game and the enemies you faced only became more difficult. 

11: Hardest game you've played?

I do not often play hard games but the two games that I have yet to complete are Jak 2 and Jak 3. 

12: Shortest time you've beaten a game in?

I would say roughly eight to ten hours. It was either the first Uncharted or The Order 1866. 

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn't released yet?

Back when I was younger and quite impressionable, the game I was most excited for was Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories. I told everyone that I met how hyped I was for the game (only to later learn it was on the Gameboy Advance and I would not be able to play it until I managed to sneakily download an emulator), going into clear and crisp detail when I went to Disneyland near the end of 2004.

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting?

This wouldn’t be a game per se but I thought it would be cool if Link had a proper voice instead of his usual grunts. Most games these days have voice acting so it’s hard to peg one down.

Perhaps Pokemon? We have yet to hear the voices of the characters running around.

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover?

I never much thought about it but it might be interesting to see a crossover between the Uncharted franchise and the rebooted version of Tomb Raider. Lara Croft and Nathan Drake heading on an adventure together, each trying to one-up each other when it came to their knowledge on ancient civilisations. That or perhaps even bringing in a little Assassin’s Creed. 

16: Character you've hated most? From what game?

There hasn’t been a character I’ve truly hated in a game. While the Luxord battle in Kingdom Hearts 2 gave me the most grief, I did like that buttery British accent and his stylistic leanings. 

Now if we were talking about novel protagonists, I have one clear answer: Quentin Coldwater from The Magicians trilogy by Lev Grossman. If the book series were ever adapted to game form, be sure to find that on the top of my most hated character list.

17: What game do you never tell people you play?

I don’t think there’s a game that I have played that would warrant it being a secret. Gaming itself is almost a guilty pleasure when it comes to conversation and only comes up in conversation with people I know that are fellow gamers or who I know actually dip their toe into the hobby. Otherwise, I keep quiet about my interests.

In saying that, there was a Barbie adventure game on the original Playstation that one of my friends had. We played it together but it was nothing to write home about.

18: A game you wish your friends knew about?

Most of my friends know all about the games that I play since I now post impressions and reviews on my tumblr. But I do think Child of Light and the Danganronpa games are deserving of a shameless plug every now and then.

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival?

Croc: Legend of the Gobbos. 

20: What was the first video game you ever played?

I would have to say Pokemon. The first gaming ‘console’ I received was the Gameboy Colour along with Pokemon Blue. I simply had to ‘catch ‘em all.’

21: How old were you when you first played a video game?

Roughly five or six? I don’t quite remember.

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do?

That’s a difficult question. I never much thought about immersing myself in a game but rather living in the world of a game. It’s a debate I’ve often had with myself - whether it should be in a far-flung fantasy world or in one couched in reality. 

I would say it would have to be a game either in the Mass Effect universe or perhaps the more recent titles of Final Fantasy. I would like to see myself as a mercenary or a soldier but truth be told, I would be out exploring the new world I found myself in or in a menial position out of danger.

But if I could immerse myself in any game for a day, it would have to be an MMORPG where I could focus on the social aspects of it, as well as dive into enjoying the joys of freedom found therein.

23: Biggest disappointment you've had in gaming?

Most of the time I shy away from games that would prove to be disappointing. As a gamer, I like to be informed and so I try to read as many reviews as I can. The biggest disappointment I found came through in my first time playing through Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. I had high expectations after ploughing through Skyrim. 

Another game that proved to be quite disappointing was Kingdom Hearts re: Coded. The worlds were almost an exact copy from the original title on Playstation 2 and even the plot felt recycled. 

24: Casual, Hardcore, or in the middle?

I like to think I sit somewhere in the middle. I’m not extremely hardcore but I do like some of my games to have a little challenge (even though I much prefer story to being pounded into dirt by enemies).

25: Be honest; have you ever used cheats (like ActionReplay or Gameshark)?

Back when I first discovered real-time strategy games such as Starcraft  and Warcraft, I also picked up a number of cheats to make my life easier. I was not very good at micromanaging when I was eight and the stories seemed to sparkle with an intoxicating allure.

26: Handheld or console?

Despite my numerous handheld devices, I would have to say I am a console player at heart. Most of the time, my Nintendo 3DS and Playstation Vita are played whilst plugged into the power supply. I like to go on gaming binges if there’s ample time.

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry?

There have been a couple of moments. One in my immediate memory came from Tales of Berseria. I felt a strong connection to Velvet Crowe and the struggles she faced throughout the game touched a part of me I had never known.

The first moment when I had the urge to cry came in the ending moments of Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days. It was only ruined by the terrible line (but after much hewing and hawing over it, it actually made sense in context). Still, I would have rather it have been far more poignant and heartfelt than what it had been.

28: Which character's clothes do you wish you owned the most?

The first thought that came to mind was Roxas. But really, I like most of the clothes that can be found in the Kingdom Hearts series. 

29: Which is more important, gameplay or story?

Story is the most important aspect of a game (at least in my opinion). It’s the one thing that keeps me going as I usually find my interest flagging when story is not the main hook. Tetris is good for a couple of minutes but it is not something I would be able to play for eight hours on end.

30: A game that hasn't been localized in your country that you think should be localized?

Obviously the Dai Gyakuten Saiban series. I was severely disappointed to hear that we won’t be seeing a Western release and I sincerely adore all the games that involve table slamming, finger pointing and strange twists on actual legislation.

[hoodiesncookies-blog]

So, since I don’t plan on doing anything significant with this blog anymore... might as well just share the headcanons I’ve had but have never had the chance to play out in story because of my procrastination and indecisiveness.

Best place to start that I’m sure everyone is fairly interested in is, of course, Hoodie’s genocide battle. So, here we go. Be warned, it’s a lot.

Will be approaching it from the perspective of it being a game.

‘Cause y’know, Undertale is a game.

The Buildup

The initial walk down the Last Corridor would go exactly as you expect it would; Frisk just goes forwards before being brought to a stop in the center of the hall, camera pans to show Chara standing in their way. 

Now, I haven’t decided on what Chara’s exact dialogue would be, but I do know that she wouldn’t be as good at staying apathetic and “not mad, just disappointed” as Sans is. She’d be sad. angry, and confused; and that would show on her face and in her dialogue. She’d want to know why this happened.

After she’d try asking why, and the only response is Frisk taking a step forwards... that’s when Chara’d force herself to be calm. Still very much pissed in an apparent way, but calm. And then, she’d make her threat.

Which, of course, Frisk isn’t gonna heed.

*Battle Encounter Sound Effect*

Intro

Again, exact dialogue isn’t something I have right now, all I know is that it wouldn’t just be a copy-paste of “it’s a beautiful day outside”. Headcanon whatever you want, send me your ideas, I’m welcome to it.

Now with that out of the way... nearing the end of the dialogue, Chara would lean her head down so that her hood is partially concealing her face; pausing with a “...” before looking back up. 

Her final line being whatever replacement for “burning in hell” you want, the text coming out slowly... all while at the same time, her sprite’s face would gradually turn disfigured, goopy, and dare I say, demonic. Think of Flowey’s face going creepy at the end of a neutral route, that’s the right idea.

All silent, aside from the Undertale’s text sounds.

... and then, not waiting for the player to click ahead, a jumpscare will flash across the screen with accompanying demonic laughter, loud sudden music, and a flashing background. Think something between what happens at the end of genocide (here, jumpscare warning), and a traditional scare from any number of horror game’s; FNAF being a prime example. Hard to put into words.

The scare only lasts for, at most, two seconds; it’s just transparent enough that most people would be able to see that. while it was happening, the initial attack had already started. Literally as the the scare is flashing on your screen, Chara has already pulled out her knife and taken a swing at your soul.

And if it hits because you were busy being spooked, that’s half of your HP gone already. And after the jumpscare fades away? You’ve still got the rest of her attacks to deal with. A fire pattern is very quickly gonna appear on the bullet board, accompanied by ten knives circling around the board and launching towards your soul, one by one while the fire magic restricts your movements.

It ends with three quick & successive real knife slashes, without jumpscares.

It’s not an exactly complicated string, and Chara makes a point of saying that it is in no way her “strongest attack”. It relies on shock to work.

And considering we’re all human, it’ll probably work on all of us.

Into the Fryer

Opening up at the battle screen, there’s nothing much to explain.

My personal theme for Chara’s battle, regardless of my outdated broken autplay, is Zenith. And, just like with Megalovania, it only starts playing when you get to this point. Otherwise, the menus are all the same.

Now, going into player actions...

CHECKing Chara we’ll yield this description.

*CHARA, 10 ATK 5 DEF.

*The strongest enemy. Humans aren’t effected by your LOVE.

*Still, no one is invincible. Knock em’ dead, darling.

FIGHTing Chara will of course, yield nothing but a MISS (and invisible battle progression). But, in a way that is different than Sans’s battle.

When the attack is made, Chara’s sprite will temporarily disappear; and in it’s place, a bullet board opposite to yours will appear with another, paler red soul already inside of it. The soul will move to dodge your attack, resulting in the MISS, and afterwards Chara’s sprite will reappear.

And taunt your inability to hit her, as quote, “I’ve fought Froggits harder than you.” The point of all that being that it’s a LOT easier to dodge a child swinging around a chainsaw than it is to dodge bullet patterns.

And, with that, it’s time to enter into the actual fight.

Unique Mechanics

Chara would have a lot of uniqueness as far as how her battle would go in comparison to every other battle we see in Undertale. She needs unique rules, because her actual attacks aren’t exceptionally strong or intense.

The main things she has on her side are battle length, RNG, and defying the player’s expectations. To break down constants in her fight:

LV doesn’t mean shit- AKA, your stats are all back down to default. This is to supplement for the fact Chara’s magic doesn’t hit as hard as say, Sans’s; your HP is back down to twenty for this entire fight. 

Randomized Attack Order- Meaning, while her different attacks have mostly set patterns, the order those attacks come in over the course of the fight is randomized from the beginning. All that’s guaranteed is that you’ll see each of her attacks at least once... beyond that, there’s no way to know what you’re gonna get. 

Random Additions- Before, during, or after any of her attacks, Chara has the possibility of adding something else atop of them. A breakdown of possible editions will be somewhere below this section.

She Remembers- While this would probably push what is possible by Undertale’s standards, this is just me writing so let’s go with it. Chara will remember what attacks you, the player, are good at dodging, and what attack you’re not good at dodging, and will make additions based on that information. If she might deliberately change her attack order next go-around so you have to do the one you’ve died the most on first, or she might add stuff to an attack pattern she knows you don’t have trouble with. She will do anything to make this harder for you.

*This will likely not happen until you’ve died at least like, five times. If you beat her before then, you won’t have to deal with it. Good hecking luck doing that, though.

Now, onto those randomized additions I mentioned!

Jumpscares- Yeah, that jumpscare that happened in the beginning? She throw that into any attack pattern, at any time she likes. It doesn’t do anything on it’s own, but is meant to disorient and distract you while her attacks continue. And, if the player has a heart attack because of it... well, I guess that means Chara won right?

*Sometimes she’ll jumpscare you after her attacks end, just out of spite.

Attack Additions- Yes, she can add straight up more attacks into her set patterns. These can be any of her attacks; as long as it doesn’t disrupt the way the pattern is set, of course. No overlapping knife circles or fire patterns or real knife slashes. 

Counters- Sometimes, when YOU do your attack, when it misses you’ll be immediately thrown into the middle of an attack pattern with no warning. 

*And yes, all these additions CAN be made on top of each other, and become more and more common as the battle goes on.

I can’t really go over actual attack patterns and stuff because... I’m just not smart enough to come up with them okay. I’m not a game designer.

Out-of-Battle Shenanigans

Thanks to Chara remembering everything after LOADs, she’s gonna be very proactive about challenging the player’s expectations outside of just randomizing her attacks. While these changes will only show through her attacks and insults at first, the player will encounter others the farther they manage to get in her fight.

A couple of examples of the kind of stuff you’d see, just to give you an idea of what she’ll pull, both occur after the player gets to the midway point of the fight; AKA, the spare offer that, of course, is completely fake.

No hard feelings right- If the player chose to SPARE Chara, and got rekt because of it, the next time they enter the battle Chara will start things off by offering them the chance to spare her again... and doing it again will lead to the same result. Choosing to FIGHT her will, of course, lead to a MISS and her throwing you right into her initial attack.

*Each time you accept the SPARE, her sarcasm and patronizing “Mercy is good” act will grow more and more obvious to the point it will be pretty much mocking the player’s intelligence. If you continue, Chara will just stop saying anything out of boredom.

I’m impatient- The first time the player gets to the midway point, if they chose to attack, and ended up dying afterwards; after they LOAD and respawn, the second they start to move Chara’s sprite will run down the hall and force them into a fight, completely skipping the dialogue and going straight into a jumpscare & the initial attack.

*If you survive this, and didn’t have an episode because of the shock, Chara will follow the attack by saying “What? You thought I was just gonna wait for you to make your way over?”.

Again, this is just SOME of the shit Chara would pull, I’m just not creative.

Second Half

Upon denying Chara’s mock spare attempt and FIGHTing instead, you might initially think you managed to score a grazing hit. Chara’ would be grasping her arm, red dripping from it and her looking like she’s in pain... but, her health bar wouldn’t show up. Why?

Because, as she will reveal... that red stuff was ketchup.Specifically, ketchup packets; y’know, the ones she uses for the handshake prank when Frisk first meets her? Yeah. As she’ll say, “It’s never too late for pranks.”

And with that, she will toss the ketchup packets at you; or, from the menu’s perspective, your whole UI. Several parts of your menu will be splattered with red; most worryingly, parts of your bullet board.

Because your soul blend in with it when you’re fighting, so in portions of the bullet board you won’t be able to see your soul. For the rest of the fight.

From an in-character perspective, what Hoodie did was toss ketchup in Frisk’s eyes. She just used ketchup offensively. Step up, Snas.

But, beyond that, the new changes include new, more intense attack patterns; which, again, are randomized in order and additions. After three attack patterns that follow what she’s been using, however, new attacks will be added into the mix. Specifically... imitations of her family’s attacks.

These being:

Hand Sweep- Mimicking Toriel’s attack where her hands would float across the edges of the bullet board creating tracking fire patterns, Chara’s attack will be similar except, instead of a boss monster paw, it will be a mitten-covered hand will sweep across casting fire magic. 

Eye Flashes- One of the few times you’ll see Chara’s sprite change in battle, during this attack she’ll lean her head down so her hood is casting a shadow over her face; underneath he hood, her eyes will flash red in a specific order, showing where red knives are gonna come flying. This is an imitation of Asgore’s Orange & Blue attack, but because Chara doesn’t know how to cast orange or blue magic, she’s just going with what she knows; red. 

Galacta Blazing- The most accurate of Chara’s imitations is of her brother’s special attack; sadly, she can’t make her stars quite as colorful. They all come out red and hit for the same damage as her magic knives do, but act in the same way Rei’s stars do.

These attacks have their own patterns, but are also implemented into the random additions as soon as you get to this point.

*You feel like the act is coming to a close.

The Finale

By this point in the fight, it will have become apparent that Chara is no longer being as much of a little shit taking pleasure in wrecking your shit.

Because, she’s getting tired and she’s getting scared.

So, reaching the homestretch, you enter into what Chara reveals is her actual strongest attack. And, it should be noted, she doesn’t seem entirely confident.

Still, it’s a hecking insane attack; and the only one of hers I’d say matches up to Sans’s level of intense what-the-heck bullshit.

Problem is, I’m too lazy to create an entire attack pattern.I can promise she’d make use of literally everything she had used up until then, like you’d only expect her to. But, eventually you’re gonna get through it.

The final portion of this attack pattern would be Chara spamming jumpscares and wildly slashing the bullet board with her real knife the entire time, trying to dice your soul like a tomato. She’ll give everything she’s got.

Eventually though, the jumpscares will grow... slower, quieter, less intense. As will her knife slashes. Up until the point they stop altogether.

Chara would inevitably slip to her feet out of physical & magical exhaustion, having used up all of her magical reserves and completely worn her body out. She’s only a kid, and a sickly kid at that. This is to be expected.

... because of her knife slashes, the bullet board will fall apart, and you’ll be able to freely move your soul over to the FIGHT button. And when you attack, her bullet board will appear and her soul won’t even try to dodge it.

But, her HP will only drop down to 1. Her chest will have big slash across it like San’s does, but because she’s human she’s able to just barely stay alive.

She’s about to try and stumble back to her feet, when a second, automatic hit goes through... finish her off. Thanks, Mettaton.

Post “Victory”

After the battle ends, Chara’s body won’t disappear; she’s not a monster after all, she doesn’t turn into dust. Thankfully, in the lighting of the last corridor, the player won’t be able to see much besides a black lump on the floor with something pooling on the ground around it.

Examining the corpse will be met the lovely message of *You got the Real Knife. The description is as follows:

*”Real Knife” - Weapon ATK 20

*Finders keepers, losers weepers.

Walking by the corpse will cause Frisk step in the pool of blood forming around Chara’s body, and as such leave footprints. That’s nice.

I’m not gonna go over what happens if you LOAD your save after killing her, because my ability to type has degraded tenfold since I started writing this. All I’m gonna tell you is that it’s sad and you’d be a horrible person for doing it.

[andromeda---galaxy]

A New Muse

For day three of philkas week, an alternate universe where Lukas is a famous singer in a rock band and he meets Philip at one of his concerts. (I don’t usually like AUs but this is pretty much still very THEM, so if you’re like me and don’t usually like AUs, please give this a chance!) Rating: Explicit Words: 1988 Prompt: Alternate Universe

“What’d you say your name was again?” Lukas asks, against this guy’s beautiful neck. He tracks a hand under his shirt and runs the tips of his fingers along his ribs, feeling him suck in a breath.

 “Philip,” he says, pushing up into him. “And I wasn’t expecting…this when I came to the concert tonight.”

 “Oh yeah?” Lukas asks, sucking at his pulse point. Philip had been in the front row the whole time and was a major fucking distraction. Lukas has been performing these songs for going on four years now and it took this guy showing up to make him stumble over lyrics. Philip’s camera was up in front of his face practically the whole time and Lukas needed a closer look. He wanted to be so close that they couldn’t tell where one of them began and the other one ended.

“Yeah,” Philip breathes, arching a little into his hands. The after party is raging in the room next door and Lukas can feel the vibrations of their own music rolling through the walls. He’s sure they think he’s hooking up with that blonde girl who’s been following them from city to city for going on six months now.

 “You like taking pictures?” Lukas asks against his cheek. He wants to be inside this guy, he wants to touch him everywhere and make him moan, he wants to see him come apart with Lukas’s own name on his lips. But he wants to get to know him, too.

 “Yeah, I do,” Philip says, catching his lips when Lukas shifts to look at him. “You were a particularly good subject.”

 “You were distracting me,” Lukas says, reaching down and palming him through his jeans. Philip’s eyes flutter closed and Lukas is fucking mesmerized by how long his eyelashes are.

 “Guess I was doing my job then,” Philip breathes, clutching at his shoulder. “Keeping your attention.”

 “I fucked up the encore because of you,” Lukas whispers, nipping at the corner of his mouth. “Looking at the veins in your arms.”

 Philip only smiles, pulling him closer. Lukas sucks at his neck until they’re both breathing harsh in the muted silence of the room, the only other sounds bleeding from the party next door. Lukas grinds against him and thinks about moving to the bed a hundred times before he makes a move for it, stumbling backwards and holding Philip against him as he goes. He hasn’t wanted someone this badly in a long fucking time. He pushes Philip onto the bed and relishes the way his mouth drops open, the way his plush lips tremble as he looks up at him. Lukas strips off his shirt, sweat still clinging to his body when he hurls it away.

 “Come here,” Philip says, reaching out for him. Lukas takes his hand and climbs on top of him, squeezing his eyes shut when they’re flush together. Too many fucking clothes.

 “How many concerts you go to?” Lukas asks, mind reeling for a moment.

 “A lot,” Philip says, reaching around to grab Lukas’s ass.

 “You ever hook up with the lead singer before?” Lukas asks, kissing the hinge of his jaw.

 “Not even once,” Philip says, breaking into a smile.

 “What about a drummer? Or…or a bass player?”

 “You jealous?” Philip asks, tangling his hands in Lukas’s hair.

 Lukas might actually be and he doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t even know this guy but the sound of his voice sends waves through him, something deep and warm and familiar. He’s enamored with his face, his eyes, the intent way he’ll lock on like there’s something he sees that you don’t know about. But Lukas isn’t gonna say any of that shit, because his body is pulsing with want and he’s practically humping this guy into the bed. He leans down and kisses him roughly, undoing his button and fly with one hand and pinning his wrist to the bed with the other. He shoves his hand into Philip’s pants and gets a hand around his cock, letting out a wavering breath as he starts to work him steady. He’s been doing this with guys for a couple years now, quietly, on the sidelines, in dark corners backstage where everyone else can’t see, but he’s never felt such waves of possessiveness like he is right now. He tries to touch him right, watches his face change and his brows knit together.

 “Lukas,” Philip groans as he arches his neck back, and Lukas feels at home there so he leans down and starts sucking at his throat again. He works him faster and every whimper goes straight to his own dick, and he’s so fucking hard it’s painful.

 “Love the way you feel, Philip,” Lukas whispers. “Love how you’re getting for me.” He twists his wrist and Philip trembles.

 “Lukas, oh God,” Philip breathes, clinging to his shoulder with his free hand. “Fuck, fuck, I’m—” He’s coming after what feels like no time at all, but it strikes Lukas that fifteen years with Philip might feel like much too little. He looks beautiful breathing this hard, his chest heaving, and Lukas stares at him.

 “I wanna put my mouth on you,” Philip says after a moment, his eyes still closed as he tries to move out from under him. Lukas’s brain short-circuits and he’s letting Philip push him over onto his back, and the whole room feels like it’s going dark except for Philip. Philip, still moving slowly under the shock of his own orgasm, kissing down his chest and yanking his pants down. Philip, wrapping those beautiful lips around Lukas’s cock and sucking until Lukas can’t think at all. Usually when someone does this to him he just throws his head back and closes his eyes, not thinking about who it is and just how it feels, but he wants to watch Philip, wants to watch everything he does so he can remember.

 “Jesus,” Lukas moans, stars in his eyes as his legs start to shake. “Jesus, fuck, baby—”

 Philip hums around him and Lukas moans again, louder and more broken this time.

 His head is spinning and the thoughts are spilling out. “Fuck, I only want you to do this,” he gasps, tugging at Philip’s hair, “only you, only you from now…from now on…” He gasps and can hardly fucking breathe, watching Philip’s head go up and down, and it feels like his whole body is catching fire. Philip’s tongue drags up and down Lukas’s length and Lukas groans, fisting his hand in the sheets.

 “Philip,” he says, his voice breaking, “Philip, I’m gonna—I’m gonna—” He wants him to back off if he wants to but Philip only sucks harder and finally Lukas has to look away, his head falling back onto the pillow as he comes into Philip’s mouth.

 He feels like he’s been laying there breathing forever, and he still can’t open his eyes. He reaches down and tries to find Philip but only comes up with empty air. He’s a multimillionaire, the band has gone fucking platinum with him at the helm, he could live anywhere and get anyone or anything with a snap of his fingers—but in that moment, he’s willing to give all that away if he could just find Philip here in the dark. If Philip would just take his hand.

 He does, climbing his way up Lukas’s body to flop down beside him. “Can I take a picture of you like this?” Philip asks. “Just the way you look right now?”

 Lukas smiles a little bit. “Yeah,” he says, without even thinking about it. He doesn’t open his eyes but he can feel him shifting, and then he vaguely sees a flash go off through his eyelids.

 “Mmm, perfect,” Philip says. He leans down, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

 Lukas latches onto him, pulling him down until he’s holding him close. Philip cuddles up beside him, resting his head underneath Lukas’s chin. “Stay here with me,” Lukas says.

 “You don’t want to go to the party?” Philip asks.

 “No,” Lukas says. “Been to plenty of parties like that. Do you have somewhere to be?”

 “No, I don’t,” Philip says.

 “Then stay,” Lukas says, reaching up and smoothing a hand over his arm.

 ~

 They’re eating the breakfast Lukas had ordered them and Lukas scrolls through his phone, his legs propped up in Philip’s lap. He’s looking him up, though he hasn’t told him that, and he nearly chokes on his orange juice when he sees Philip Shea, Photographer on the hottest fucking goddamn up and coming rock blog, the one their manager won’t shut the fuck up about. He looks up at Philip, his eyes wide.

 “You’re a professional photographer?” he asks, trying not to sound as shocked and horrified as he is.

 “Yeah,” Philip says, and Lukas’s heart drops. “Freelance. I work for a lot of different places.”

 “Are you—are you gonna tell anybody—” Lukas stammers and he feels sick.

 Philip rests a hand on his ankle. “I’m not gonna tell anybody anything,” he says. “I was even thinking of backing out of the job and not giving them my pictures.”

 Lukas stops, trying to control his breathing. “But then—”

 “I wouldn’t get paid, but it doesn’t really matter,” he says, picking up a strawberry slice and eating it. He seems to be avoiding Lukas’s eyes. “There are other jobs.”

 Lukas stares at him and can’t really think straight. But he doesn’t want to move. “Nobody…nobody really knows I’m gay,” Lukas says.

 “Yeah, I was…surprised,” Philip says. “I hadn’t heard anything.”

 “One day, I’ll—one day, I’ll tell people,” Lukas thinks. But looking at Philip, one day feels sooner than it used to. He can’t imagine moving on, leaving him behind. They had one night, one fucking amazing night, and Lukas doesn’t know what’s going on with him. But every time he looks at Philip, his heart drops and his stomach hurts. He feels sick and dizzy with something he’s never felt before. “You can, uh—you can give them your pictures. It’s fine, I don’t—want you to lose the job. And they’re good.”

 “The last one is just for me, though,” Philip says, smiling softly. “So you don’t have to worry about that.”

 “I wasn’t worried,” Lukas says, before he even really thinks about it. His heart is beating in his throat and he knows the tour buses are leaving in three hours. “I, uh—I—I don’t want—I want—” Philip is smiling wide at him and Lukas snorts, shaking his head. “How do I get a hold of you?”

 “I put my number in your phone when you were sleeping,” Philip says.

 Lukas feels his face going red and he nods. He clicks out of the website he was looking at and scrolls down to his contacts, finding Philip’s name there. He feels stupid, like he’s in high school, but he calls him and watches the phone on the table between them start buzzing.

 “As if I would ever give the Lukas Waldenbeck a fake number,” Philip says, cocking his head at him.

 “Just checking,” Lukas says, staring at him. His mind is fucking racing. “We don’t have a band photographer. We need one. Especially one as good as you.”

 “You offering me a job?” Philip asks, raising his eyebrows. “Do you have that kind of power?”

 “I have all kinds of power,” Lukas says, straightening up and puffing out his chest. “Like, a lot of power. Way more power than you could ever know.”

 Philip laughs and Lukas swings his legs down to the ground, scooting forward and planting a kiss to his lips. He feels silly, dizzy, more than a little crazy, but when Philip sighs into his mouth and melts against him, he can already feel new songs forming in his head.

 Everybody needs a muse.

[cosmicstardreamer-archive]

 REALLY  LONG  CHARACTER  SURVEY.  RULES.  repost ,   don’t  reblog  !    tag  10  ! good  luck  !  TAGGED.  @flareforged​  TAGGING. @tea-and-hexes​ @stayuptildawn​ and whoever else wants to do this!

BASICS.

FULL  NAME :  Nefeloma Marianela Leocadia NICKNAME :  Neff/Neffie AGE :  24 BIRTHDAY :  January 10th ETHNIC  GROUP :  First Nations; Cherokee, Latinx NATIONALITY :  American LANGUAGE / S : English, Spanish, Tsalagi SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :  Pansexual ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION : Panromantic RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :  Verse dependent, Canonically single HOME  TOWN / AREA :  Born and raised in Newark, New Jersey CURRENT  HOME : Apartment complex in a nice little space pocket PROFESSION :  Artist/Waitress

PHYSICAL.

SKIN : Medium/Deep in color EYES:  Purple, on the lighter side. Almond in shape FACE :  Rounded LIPS :  Slightly plump and almost always with purple lipstick on COMPLEXION :  Acne usually depends on her hormones but for the most part she takes good care of her skin. BLEMISHES :   She’s got a few cause she had a habit of picking at the scars but they’re faded thanks to her taking better care of herself. SCARS :  On her wrists, but faded. TATTOOS :  OH BOY OKAY she has a tattoo of the Capricorn constellation on the back of her neck, A moon and star on her back right shoulder blade, a decorative arm cuff on her upper left arm [ it’s got a square maze pattern, then diamonds, and then stars at the end of beads I guess you can say? I’ll upload pics of them ] , pentagram in a circle with wings on both her wrists, many small designs on her fingers including a cross on a beaded chain on the lower and 3 dots on her upper right ring finger, a zigzag band on her lower right index finger, lower left pinkie has a band with connected U’s that have dots decorating the middle, top left ring finger is a crescent moon, top left middle is another zigzag band and 3 dots) Pics: Here, Here, and Here (Warning this one is a lil n/sfw so open with caution) HEIGHT :  5′7 WEIGHT :  170lbs BUILD :  Curvy and has a little chub around her waist, but has muscles when she flexes. Hidden muscles to be honest, but not super defined. They’re just noticeable enough. FEATURES :  Beauty mark under left eye,  ALLERGIES : Soy beans (soy sauce is okay though) USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  Long hair down to her butt in a hime cut. USUAL  FACE  LOOK :  She’s got resting bitch face man there’s literally no other way to put it. USUAL  CLOTHING :  This is actually verse dependent along with pre/post dependent. During her adventure she’ll be in this but post-adventure she’ll be in this.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S :  Being alone, being replaced, not being good enough, betrayal, being lied to, basically anything that has to do with a negative relationship with someone. ASPIRATION / S :  To get married and have a family while being successful in the work business. It seems simple but it seems so hard to obtain for her. POSITIVE  TRAITS :  Selfless, caring, compassionate, empathetic, determined, if you need her she WILL be there. NEGATIVE  TRAITS :  MAN does she have a temper. She can also be very passive-aggressive, bossy, a bit of a bitch at times, easily pushes people away when she has her episodes. MBTI : The Mediator/INFP-T ZODIAC : Capricorn TEMPEREMENT :  Melancholic SOUL  TYPE / S :  Spiritualist/Creator ANIMALS :  Penguin VICE  HABIT / S : Lip biting, making exagerated faces, playing with her hands/hand movements FAITH :  Agnostic/Pagan. Somewhere around there. She’s more the inner soul type of spiritualist than she is the religious type. GHOSTS ? :  Yes AFTERLIFE ? :  Yes REINCARNATION ? : Yes ALIENS ? :  Yes (She’s dating one in one verse) POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :  She prefers not to get involved in politics EDUCATION  LEVEL :  Graduated college with a Bachelors in Fine Arts

FAMILY.

FATHER :   Felipe, the man who meant the world to her. He was born in Puerto Rico and moved to America when he was still very young. A very fun loving but hard working man. He’d protect her from her mother’s outburts. MOTHER :   Nadia, a mother who proved not to be much of one at all. Caused Neff a lot of stress and grief to the point of self harm and a suicide attempt after the death of Felipe. Very aggressive and has a complex. SIBLINGS :  None. She’s an only child. Was supposed to have a brother but he never made it past the pregnancy. EXTENDED  FAMILY :  She has a lot of cousins an her grandparents NAME  MEANING / S :  Nefeloma is greek for “Nebula”. Marianela and Leocadia are both spanish names meaning “Beloved Star” and “Bright” respectively. HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? :   N/A

FAVORITES.

BOOK :  I haven’t the slightest idea to be honest. Probably the House of Night series despite how cliche and slightly embarrassing it is simply because it’s about a First Nations vampire that ties in touches of paganism and that is very much her life. MOVIE :  GOSH I don’t think she has one.  5  6 SONGS :  Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine, Which Witch by Florence + The Machine, Trip The Darkness by Lacuna Coil, House of Shame by Lacuna Coil, On A Good Day by Above & Beyond, Peace of Mind by Above & Beyond DEITY :  She believes that all exist honestly but her faith doesn’t really belong to any in particular. HOLIDAY :  She likes Halloween and also Yule  MONTH :  April (showers bring May flowers and she very much loves the rain) SEASON : Spring oh my gosh she loves Spring so much. PLACE : Besides the comfort of home? Space. Any place she can see the stars. WEATHER :  Rain rain rain give her rain whether it be a small shower or a thunderstorm. Otehr than that a nice crisp day, sunny but with a breeze. And those cool crisp nights where you can see the stars. SOUND :  Rain, Thunder, Wind chimes SCENT / S :  Lavender and Vanilla, Peach and Cherry Blossom TASTE / S :  Sweet, Sour, and Spicy foods. Anything loaded with flavor. FEEL / S :  Soft sheets, water trhough her fingers, a gentle caress, strong hugs, that serenity of a quiet night ANIMAL / S :  She loves them all NUMBER :  24 COLORS :  Purple, Blue, Black

EXTRA.

TALENTS : Painting and Singing BAD  AT :  Emotional Stability tbqh but it’s not like she can have that TURN  ONS :  Biting (especially on the neck and bottom lip), dominance fights, talk dirty to me *saxophone plays*, suits TURN  OFFS :  Ignorance (when chosen over learning), People treated as objects/trophies, persistence when unwanted HOBBIES : Painting and Drawing TROPES :  Misery Builds Character, The Empath, Enemy Within, I Am Who? QUOTES :   “I can’t tell you to remember me, but I can’t bear for you to forget me.”

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 :   if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?           A1 :   Man I’ve always low-key dreamed about Neff having her own anime or vidja gaem but I feel like it would be called something similar to my url like Cosmic Dreamer and it would be a story about self discovery and self love. Like despite the huge thing she’s involved in that makes her very important what matters most is how she sees herself and the decisions she makes for herself you know? Q2 :   what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?           A2 :   Man okay it’s pretty much the music player on the blog. Alternative rock, acoustic, really kind of mysterious vocals. Good stuff. Q3 :   why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?           A3 :   Neff is my baby and she stands for a lot that I think people can appreciate. She’s got a personality disorder, she’s LGBTQA+, she’s POC, she’s within all the minorities as a ‘main character’ and unapologetically so.  Q4 :   what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?           A4 :   Okay so I have an assload of OCs and originally my main fave was a character named Caprice aka Capi. She’s my oldest and longest ‘living’ OC I guess you can say. But when I made Neff she became even more of a breakthrough. Obviously there’s some bias with her being based on me and my experiences and all (even though I kinda hate myself so that’s a bit ironic), but the fact that she’s someone who does what I can’t is a healthy outlet for me for expression. Q5 :   describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.           A5 :   What I like most is also what I hate most and that is our similarities. Being hyper aware of your bad traits can drive you up a wall. Q6 :   what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?           A6 :   Neff is pretty much my life story with added tweaks to make it extra dramatic because I’m a piece of shit : D Q7 :   how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?           A7 :   I MEAN I’D HOPE SHE LIKES ME I’M KINDA HER MOM Q8 :   what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?         A8 :   I mean I think every interaction is an interesting one.   Q9 :   what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?         A9 :   A lot fo the ‘what ifs’ I ask myself with my own experiences and just things in general. Q10 :   how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?           A10 :   Too damn long.