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lynx-paw · 3 years

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Stray Kids album review no one asked for, but I still did because yes.

Every song has 3 "reviews": before looking up lyrics, after looking up lyrics and final.

1 – Cheese

BEFORE: Ohh the guitar riff. I am WEAK for guitar in this one. Probably a song I’d play waiting for the traffic light to go green. It has nice, somehow fun beat. But, we definitely could have survived without them naming types of cheese.

AFTER: Heh. A real fuck you in not romantic way.

FINAL: I appreciate the entire idea behind the song. Tho, we still could’ve survived without types of cheese.

2 – Thunderous

BEFORE: Idk why, but beginning reminds me of Rhythm Ta. Yes Changbineeeeeeey take it away.

Did I hear it right? "I’m not sorry, I’m dirty." Babes, are we okay?

Ah yes, Aussie line being more Aussie with each passing day. OMG THAT LAUGH AT 2:03 YES.

Oh I def heard it right, I’m not sorry I’m dirty. Cool, cool, ok. The rapapapam bought me, seriously.

It has very Kingdom!Ateez sound to it which isn’t a bad thing at all, I’m a sucker for Kingdom!Ateez. But… I don’t know, I miss either more intense build-up or beat drop. That would, like, totally kill me and pay for my burial.

AFTER: Oh. Changbin’s part is really, really good. Okay, okay, seriously props to whoever wrote the lyrics. But we really could’ve survived without I’m not sorry, I’m dirty.

Kkundeuri wasseoyo and Gyerani wasseoyo need to have a collab if you know what I mean hehe 😉

FINAL: I feel like my precious I.N had so much fun in this one, so I give bonus points. The song is good, the lyrics are bomb, but the sound lacks intensity. I wish they went with a bit harsher tone, the song would be absolute bomb slap then. All in all, I like it.

3 – Domino

BEFORE: GOING IN STRONG YES. Yeah, goodbye brain, I’ll be going around singing Domino, domino, DOMINO. Yo, that stop and then intense rap at approximately 1:15 is very nice touch.

Don’t kill me, but in my very humble opinion, Chan’s parts feel a bit out of place in the song.

Oh… I don’t like the pace change starting at 2:40…

AFTER: Ah, yet another fuck you, I’ll succeed no matter what you say song.

FINAL: Kinda have a feeling it might grow on me after a few days, but right now… Hm. I don’t know. Maybe one of those songs which need to marinate and which might slap after I come back to them randomly.

4 – Ssick

BEFORE: Oh, the beginning gives me Ikon vibes, yes please. Okay, okay, this drop at 0:50 is really good, I like it very much.

This song has nice transitions and per se, variety, that maybe previous songs lack. For now, my favourite song. It is repetitive, just like the previous ones, and that’s not a bad thing, but I think this one has the best mix of repetitive and filled with variety in beat.

AFTER: 3rd fuck you haters song? I mean sure, fuck haters, but isn’t dedicating 3 songs to them giving them a bit too much attention? This one isn’t just about fuck you tho, it’s also about being there for your friends and I like that aspect. It’s like fuck you to haters and i wuw you to friends and supporters.

Also very, very, very important and positive part of the lyrics is “Oh yeah, I know that I don’t have anything special. But, yeah, do you know that I myself am special?” This, boys, girls, rocks and flowers, this is very valuable lesson. You don’t have to own something special because you are special by just being. Don’t belittle yourself. Even skz is telling you that.

FINAL: From all the fuck you songs this is probably my favorite.

5 – The View

BEFORE: Awww very summery song, very sweet since the beginning. OH SHIT I AM CRYING WTF?

Fuck, this reminds me of a feeling, if you get me, but I don’t know which one? I like it. I LIKE IT SO MUCH. YES. BRING IT ON. BRING ON THE TEARS YES. (i am probably the only person being excited to cry but that says a lot about me sush please).

This is one of the songs I’d LOVE to randomly hear on the radio. Just driving to the beach, vibing you know.

And getting attacked by sudden rap and beat change because why tf not, you know?

AFTER: “Clouds like a submarine swim” I told you, summer vibes.

Ah, fuck. Here, it’s this why I cried. I sensed something in the way they delivered this part of the song and it was this: “The road in front of me seemed dark ‘cause i never ever let it go. Now I feel comfortable, I like it, this feeling and I’ll never ever let it go.” Not to be someone who’ll be like Aha! This is the meaning behind this! but to me this reminds me a lot of feeling stuck with bad self-image, both mentally and physically, and because I said this is like a summer song, my brain immediately goes to all those summers I hated my body and this one being the first summer ever that I didn’t actively hate myself. This part of lyrics is for me like finally breaking out of the shell or maybe a better expression, shedding old skin and just leaving it behind, going forward with new, more positive mentality and a sense of liberation.

“I like the view right now” is like 1) i literally like the view (sunset on beach type of vibe), 2) i like looking at you/myself and realising you’re feeling comfortable around me/yourself/myself, and/or 3) i like this new view on life I have.

Look, I could literally quote entire song and give in depth analysis of on what level they resonate with me, but I won’t do that. I’ll just say these are one of the best lyrics I’ve ever read and they’re so well combined with music ughhh. And the fact this song came at the right time in my life *insert chef’s kiss*

FINAL: I love it. It was really good before I read lyrics and after it’s like three times better. One of my faves on the album.

6 – Sorry, I love you

BEFORE: Nothing special for except for the slight angsty tones I hear. I like it, but nothing crazy. I’d like it to pop up on my playlist occasionally. I think it would be an absolute BOP for me if it was leaning more to the rock genre. Like, a bit slowed down with accent just on guitar and their voices. But, that’s just me always being a sucker for rock ballads. For some reason to me, best ballads and most songs which evoke strong emotion from me are the ones which accentuate the words, the voice and one instrument.

AFTER: Very convinced this song is written by the one who is watching Nevertheless (is it Seungmin? or someone else?). My roommate strongly disagrees with that, but look, I don’t make rules, I think, I say.

FINAL: I hate to admit it but it’s catchy. I’d love live band version of this ngl.

7 – Silent Cry

BEFORE: Interesting intro huh. But something doesn’t sit with me right with the rest of the song. I don’t know what. I really don’t.

AFTER: Yeah sure, hit me with depresso lyrics right in the beginning.

FUCK. The lyrics are really killing me.

FINAL: I just can’t suffer through music. Lyrics are amazing, but idk, music is so not my style and somehow don’t suit the lyrics.

8 – Secret Secret

BEFORE: WAIT WHY DO I HAVE EMOTIONS ALREADY IT’S ONLY BEEN LIKE 10 SECONDS INTO THE SONG. Fuck. I’m on the verge of tears. Imagine listening to this and then Ex I would straight up have emotional breakdown. Yeah, yeah, I’m crying. Leave me alone. The softness, the preciousness, the cuteness, ugh I am broken™.

AFTER: Yeah, fuck. I’m crying again.The lyrics are killing me.

FINAL: This song makes me very emotional, I am a literal mess right now. Kill me, resurrect me, kill me again.

9 – Star Lost

Not my type of song. Like, nothing’s wrong, it’s just so not my type.

10 – Red Lights

BEFORE: Well, the beat drop for sure slaps. The song reminds me of something, it’s either a movie or a song, but I can’t remember. And that’s not a bad thing, I just hate the fact I can’t remember what it reminds me of.

AFTER: “I’m staying up all night again.” I see what you did there, tsch.

“Now tell me you hate me I can’t stand you any longer. But I know, you and me, there’s nothing I can do.” this is very good. I like this.

FINAL: This song could be about so many things. Lust, control problems, feeling of losing yourself, not knowing what your stage personality is and what is real you, anxiety, insomnia, depression… The thing they really managed to do is achieving a level of intensity. I like the song more after I read the lyrics, but I have to say I thought it would be much, much more intense and in your face. I’ll let it crawl in my mind and heart. Slowly. Hehe.

11 – Surfin’

BEFORE: I’m not a fan of summer. Or summer songs. But this is good. Wtf. Something’s going on with me lol. I have nothing much to say, I like the song, that’s it hahah.

AFTER: Felix talking about working 24/7 isn’t something I thought I’d hear in such a summery song.

“My head is overheated just like my laptop.” yo Changbin, mood.

FINAL: I hate summer songs, but this one slaps. This is the only summer song I’ll ever love and accept. Absolute bop.

12 – Gone Away

BEFORE: Oh the beginning surely is something. Oh no, no, no, no, no, I’ll cry again. Oh no. I’m dead. Fuck. I’m crying without lyrics, what’s going to happen after I listen with lyrics? Fuck man.

OH SHIT WHAT WAS THIS AT 3:00? THEY’RE PULLING OFF SOME MAYFLY SINGING UNIT THING I AM LITERALLY DEAD HERE. My. Jesus.

AFTER: Yeah, I’m crying a river. Pass me handkerchiefs.

FINAL: Seungmin, stop watching Nevertheless.(Don’t. I need more heartbreak songs ty.)

13 – Wolfgang

- The song I lowkey hated on Kingdom, but it crawled in my mind and heart later. Hyunjin just added some spice heh.

14 – 애

- Not gonna comment much, this could be the worst song ever and I’d still adore it because of what the song means. And who it brought back 😊

#stray kids #noeasy #cheese #thunderous #domino #ssick #the view #sorry i love you #silent cry #secret secret #star lost #red lights #surfin'#gone away #wolfgang #애

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cursedbcrn · 3 years

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Doing my weekend rewatch of the most recent episode ( so beware of 4x06 spoilers ), and after I had my usual brief breakdown over how fucking brutal and hot no humanity Hope is, I started thinking about a few things specifically regarding the therapy box simulations.

The basic premise of the chambre de chasse is that it’s linked to the subconsciousness of the people inside it, and they can’t get out until they say the trigger word or they are expelled from the narrative. We know according to the noir episode (2x14) that multiple consciousnesses can “play the game” simultaneously within the box.

So with this newest simulation where they’re confronting Hope, I think each character’s subconscious is projecting how they beileve Hope might kill them. This is played off for laughs for characters like Ethan and Wade, who don’t have as strong of a connection with Hope, but is kind of meaningful for character like Josie and Kaleb and Cleo.

Now, before we proceed, please keep in mind that this is a clown blog and we have our clown shoes ready at a moment’s notice.

So Hope hits the group with that spell and then Kaleb’s the first to die. During the scene before, Hope makes literal reference to him being a traitor. That’s Kaleb’s guilt manifesting over handing Hope’s vulnerable body over to Malivore, something we’ve already seen him struggling with in the past few episodes. When the fighting first starts, Hope goes for Kaleb first, and she doesn’t hesitate at all, just kills him dead right off the bat.

Then you have MG, who feels slow to join the fight ( at least in the version we saw ). Maybe he was getting ready to say something because MG’s strength has always been in being inspirational and a leader but Hope hurls that stake into his chest before he has a chance to even get close.

Hope’s next move is to freeze Cleo, which is important because Cleo is the last to die. She gets a front row seat to watching the rest of the Squad get brutally murdered and knowing that she can’t do a thing about it. It’s sort of like her existence in Malivore / the Monkey’s Paw. She watches history and life and time move on but she can’t do a thing to contribute or be present in that world. It’s a lonely way to live, and one that we’ve see Cleo struggle with as well.

Jed’s up next, and he gets the classic heart ripping, which honestly, just fits Jed to be dramatic and badass, and he likes to pretend he sort of got a hit in on Hope.

Then there’s Ethan, who just..... ouch. It felt very comic book-y though, which I thought was fitting for him, with the going invisible, and reappearing just to get his head lopped off.

And then Josie ( remember: 🤡🤡🤡 ), JOSIE LITERALLY DOES THE WALTZ WITH HOPE before getting her neck snapped, and she’s gently dipped and dropped to the ground because idk why, Josie, why don’t you explain to the audience why your subconsciousness imagines that’s the way Hope is gonna kill you.

Anyways idk if this is even meta by now, but my point is that the whole Squad has envisioned at least 17 different ways no humanity Hope would kill them and that can’t be good for their mental health.

#[ nh!hope. ]#legacies spoilers //#[ lore. ]#[ meta. ]#meta? headcanon?#idk it's one of those things

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quillyfied · 5 years

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Mega Good Omens Fic Rec Post 1

OH BOY Y’ALL IT’S HERE

This is the first string of fics I would wholeheartedly recommend from my bookmarks (probably first of three, we’ll see). There are 65 fics sorted into 9 categories: Jaunts Through History/Canon; South Downs; Post-Apocalypse; Bus Ride/Night Before/Heaven and Hell; AU/UA (UA is Universe Alternate, where everything is the same, just...a bit to the left. I feel like that term has more nuance, idk); Soft; Touch-Starved/Body Worship/Wings; Bonus; H/C /Whump/BAMF. These will be the same categories for every fic rec post in this vein. I try to include warnings for sex and gore, if applicable, but please check the tags of each fic before you read, just in case.

Mega GOmens Fic Rec Post MASTER

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I BROKE A LINK OR MISATTRIBUTED SOMETHING.

I don’t read explicit works and I’m not a big fan of Human!AUs so there’s not any of those, but there’s a bit of just about everything else. Please enjoy! Hope the ReadMore works, sorry for folks on mobile if it doesn’t!

JAUNTS THROUGH HISTORY/CANON

1. Bright With His Splendour – Daegaer (T, specifically book-verse. This is an exquisite look at the developments in Crowley himself, especially as it relates to his war-related traumas in the War in Heaven and later WWI. The Arrangement is Aziraphale’s idea here, which is awesome. Highly emotional and visceral.)

2. Whatever Road We Choose – @ri-writing (T, the one where Aziraphale gets jumped by some demons and Crowley nurses him back to health, and Aziraphale has to confront his worldview when he realizes Heaven never responded to his call for help. Quiet and powerful as Aziraphale starts to realize Crowley isn’t everything he thought he was and maybe Heaven isn’t, either.)

3. Linked – @chekhov (T, the one where Crowley shows up in Bukhara and Aziraphale has to pretend to capture him so his angel intern doesn’t destroy Crowley entirely. Has a lot of fun moments and emotional growth in play. And yearning. Lots and lots of yearning.)

4. The Demon Favourite – @kanna-ophelia (T, the one where Crowley is posing as a nobleman and manages to build himself a little ramshackle family, and Aziraphale takes care of them when Crowley gets himself discorporated. Extremely tender, lots of Crowley cooing over babies.)

5. Akashic Records – @penig (Generally G, one T, the series where Crowley is head-over-heels from the start and broadcasts it loudly, and Aziraphale is in Panic Protective Mode. The series is gorgeous and vibrant, the characterizations are so spot-on and yet fresh, the dialogue is perfect, the character growth is delicious. I can’t gush enough about this one.)

6. But The Old Love Was Not So – BuggreAlleThis (G, the one written in the style of Le Morte d’Arthur about Aziraphale’s final few days in the court of King Arthur. Hilarious with the promise of emotional pain to come in the second half.)

7. flightless bird (dumb, wild, and free) – JennaCupcakes (@veganthranduil) (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale make out for half of history while Aziraphale has an ongoing existential crisis about being a broken angel. Poignant, sensual, culminates in a deliciously fraught confrontation where Aziraphale has to finally sort himself out and Crowley says some hard but true things. I once spent three hours trying to find this fic again without remembering the title so now it’s kinda ingrained.)

8. Nanny Knows Best – @patricianandclerk (M, rest of series is T, the one where Crowley endures some truly horrible experiences while serving as Warlock’s nanny. Adorable relationship between Warlock and Crowley, and it’s only getting better. The dynamic with Aziraphale is nuanced and beautiful. Rating for sexual harassment and groping, and it’s a bit of a difficult read at times during those moments, so be careful.)

9. The Holy Essence of Experience – Dragonsquill (T, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley have loved each other almost since the beginning, but have been very careful to not put a name to it. The yearning is real and so gorgeous. The scene just before they come up with their plan to avert Armageddon haunts me.)

10. The Arrangement – @writeonclara (T, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley try to get a handle on this sex thing. Non-explicit, hilarious, and unique! I can only assume the rating will probably be going up, which makes me sad because it’s hard to find nonexplicit fics that still deal with what sex brings to a relationship, but what’s written for now is well worth it.)

11. And After – @randomacts13 (T, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale work through their self-worth and have lots of flashbacks. The first one involves Crowley taking care of a seed that keeps dying and leaving another seed behind, which is not at all feeding into his self-hatred; the second has Crowley and Warlock gluing coins to the sidewalk; the third is about Aziraphale on a one-way flight to Complete Mental Breakdown if he doesn’t get some help for his anxiety and repressed emotions soon.)

12. The road to rapture has a lot of pit stops – emmagrant01 (E but only for the sixth chapter, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley have shared five kisses throughout history and one where they meant it. People like me who don’t like explicit material can skip Chapter 6 (or just read until they smooch) and go straight to the epilogue. The rest of it is amazing; every kiss is believable in context and has such good lead-up. Very romantic, very good.)

13. Round and Round the Garden – SanSanFanFan (G, the one where Brother Francis and Nanny Ashtoreth get up to some hanky-panky beneath a willow tree while Warlock sleeps in his pram. Just sweet and silly fluff.)

14. Flecks of Light and Dark – volunteerfd (T, the one where Aziraphale learns to deal with his emotions. Has a really beautiful recurring thing of Crowley and Aziraphale making up stories of who they’d be if they were human, and Aziraphale doing his best to do good and help even when Heaven ties his hands.)

15. Before the Water Rises – VitreousHumor (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale become friends while helping a village make rafts to escape the Flood. Has a lot of really cute moments and some pretty exquisite romantic tension.)

16. Beneath the Stars – @brooklynbabybucky (G, the one where Crowley asks Aziraphale to cut his hair. Just has some really lovely imagery and a sweet bonding moment.)

17. lit in the darkness – @toedenandbackagain (M, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale share a bed sometimes throughout history. Warnings for some sexual content in chapters 7 and 14, but each chapter has its own warnings in the description. Presents some beautiful bonding moments and the absolute finest pining known to man.)

SOUTH DOWNS

18. The Play’s the Thing – volunteerfd (G, the one where Aziraphale is cast in the local production of Hamlet and Crowley is trying his best to be supportive of his truly awful actor husband. Hilarious and light and absolutely a classic.)

19. Parsley, Thyme, Sage, Daffodils – @mostweakhamlets (NR, the one where Aziraphale has a cooking YouTube channel and Crowley is camera-shy. Tackles PTSD in a really thoughtful way and is Peak Soft Cottage Husbands aesthetic, it really packs in the most warm fuzzies in a small package.)

20. to carthage then i came – @lvslie (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale move to the South Downs and learn to work through their issues around being together and being their own people after cutting ties with Heaven and Hell. Poetic, poignant, the last chapter is a thing of absolute beauty. Very heavily symbolic, that one.)

21. A Better Place for Us to Be – @befuddledmackem (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale tour a particular cottage. Deeply emotional, the Absolute Best Real Estate Pr0n if you also secretly watch HGTV and weep, has completely ruined any future house-buying opportunity I might have because nothing will be this sweet and perfect.)

22. Something We Were Withholding Made Us Weak – trieduntrue (M, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale move to the South Downs and very carefully orbit into something more like a relationship. Exquisite tension, beautifully-done pining and slow-burn, really fun bits of world building. M is for a sex scene at the very end but it’s easy to skip over, it’s small.)

23. reasons wretched and divine – @stammiviktor (T, the one where Crowley storms out after a fight and finds himself in an actual conversation with God. Highly emotional and a great look into Crowley’s head, both in how he feels about God and how he feels about Aziraphale.)

24. The Sprawl of Life – @dietraumerei (T and G, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale settle into village life quite well. Has sex-positive asexual characters, which is fun (brief note about that: it’s not explicit, but the places it happens, there is clear leadup and it can get a bit intense, so take care of yourselves). Has touches of angst that balance beautifully with the fluff, lots of BAMF Aziraphale for the soul.)

25. Seashells and Fingerpainting – Vagabond (@waffleironbiddingwar) (T, and I recommend this one specifically from the series, can be read independently: the one where Gabriel is sent to the South Downs for a time out. This is quite possibly the best Gabriel character study I have ever seen; it’s tender and heartbreaking and somehow you find yourself rooting for Gabriel to figure out why he’s being punished despite yourself. All the warm fuzzies. All of them. Read the whole series, it’s great!)

POST-APOCALYPSE

26. Laugh When It Sinks In – @tenoko1 (G, the one where Crowley helps Aziraphale build a home in the bookshop flat. Another one that feeds right into my interior decorating itch. So sweet and uplifting, will absolutely make you feel proud of Aziraphale.)

27. Chosen and Unchosen – Bookwormgal (T, the one where the kids have to go save Aziraphale and Crowley from Heaven and Hell. Has some EXCELLENT Warlock characterization and some really good tension between him and Adam, and the angst is properly upsetting. A right good adventure romp that’s really starting to ramp up.)

28. Resonance – Macx (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale become something Else. Good world building, beautiful romance, and Gabriel getting told off. Love how Crowley and Aziraphale growing into their new roles is handled, and how Adam unexpectedly ties in at the end.)

29. Falling Heavenward – @kanna-ophelia (T, the one where Crowley unexpectedly has to win his angel back because of a really twisty deal with Heaven. This one is a pretty wild ride, but I would say the centerpiece is Fallen Gabriel, who becomes Asmodeus. It becomes a battle for Aziraphale’s heart, though Asmodeus isn’t in it for the feels so much as the revenge, obviously. Really interesting premise and something to read if rooting for Crowley is a way you like to spend your time.)

30. A Leisurely Stroll Down – Saturniidae (@Saturniiddae) (M, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale have to fight for their relationship. Has some sexual content that isn’t explicit, and gore that really sort of is. I have thrown things and cried a little at this one, but that was the price for reading while it was still updating. Absolutely gorgeous in every way. Also has God speaking through a household object and it’s hilarious.)

31. From God’s Perspective – Unfortunately (T, the one where God comes down personally to interfere in Her children’s business. The absolute best portrayal of God in any fic ever, really humanizes her in the best ways. I love how she interacts with her angel and demon children. It’s almost more of a character study of God than anything. And yes, the Sound of Music is sung.)

BUS RIDE/NIGHT BEFORE/HEAVEN AND HELL

32. Worth Knowing – summersage (T, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley discuss the Fall and manage Miltonian angel sex despite it. Has a take on how the Fall works that I was thinking about but couldn’t find words for until this fic, and it’s absolutely fantastic. The Miltonian angel sex is esoteric and weird and not at all erotic, but it is beautiful. The mortifying ordeal of being KNOWN indeed.)

33. Legendary Lovers; Your Hand in Mine – @tenoko1 (G, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale regroup in a hotel instead of his flat and have a bit of a knock-down-drag-out. Crowley is angry and scared and so in love he can’t stand it, and Aziraphale is practically going at light speed in confronting and knocking down his own barriers, and it’s highly emotionally charged and wonderful.)

AU/UA

34. Love of My Life – @ellewrites4 (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale get together very early and make it work all throughout history. Gorgeous romance, and the fallout from the Holy Water caper and the bandstand breakup are EXQUISITE. Peak emotional turmoil, sweet boundary negotiation, forgiveness and love and anxiety and fear—just delicious.)

35. True Love and High Adventure – @grifalinas (T, the one that’s a Princess Bride au. Absolutely on-point casting, wonderful writing style, the perfect escape fic for a little while. Incomplete but still worth the read.)

36. Inverse Omens – @amuseoffyre (T, the one where Aziraphale is a demon with a p0_rn shop and Crowley is an angel running a community center from a bombed-out church. Y’all recommended this to me on my demon!Aziraphale rating post, and it’s AMAZING. Perfect characterization and a wonderful retelling. Warning for Chapters 11 and 12, Aziraphale’s Nanny Ashtoreth messes with the Dowling parents in far more direct ways and there’s scenes of Mr. Dowling jerking it, so take care, friendos. Also Aziraphale makes the filthiest double entendres and it’s delightful. Also also Crowley needs all the hugs.)

37. A Blaze of Light – @wingedspirit (T, the one where Crowley is Raphael and he and Aziraphale make a Pact instead of an Arrangement. This one is a wild adventure, friends, and a riveting one. The Pact puts an interesting spin on their developing relationship, and by the time it gets to TV canon, it’s already off the rails in the best ways. Also Crowley has some pretty heavy depression that manifests in his former Archangel-level powers blowing up a bit, which is cool. Should be wrapping up soon and I’m pumped for it!)

38. it’s high time that you love me, cause you do it so well – mygalfriday (T, the one where Crowley can’t physically say the word “love” but can diddly dang well show it if he wants. Already super sweet but the confession scene at the end is just incredible.)

39. Hold the Line – sum_nemo (T, the one that’s a Pacific Rim AU. I adore PacRim, you guys, and this one is just *chef’s kiss*. Puts Crowley as Raleigh (lost his twin sister copilot) and Aziraphale as Mako and includes a pretty painful shared past between them, which is already simmering and delicious. Can’t wait to see where this one goes.)

40. The Truth Remains – @wanderingalicewrites (NR, the one where Crowley was Raphael, had a good relationship with his siblings, was in love with Aziraphale, and knew he was destined to Fall. Aziraphale is still in mourning for Raphael and Crowley is still working out the point of his existence, so there’s some very good pining and existential dread up in the mix. A highly interesting take on the situation and very, very good at punching you in the feels with the flashbacks to Heaven and how different things are now, especially with the other Archangels. LOL it just updated while I was writing this and I am UNDONE, I am in PAIN, the bandstand scene always hurts but NOT LIKE THIS. ALSO MORE ARCHANGEL FEELS, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN)

41. Everything Dark and Unseen – @enjambament (M, the one that’s a Psyche and Eros retelling. After the Fall but before Eden, Heaven and Hell need a truce, so they marry Crowley and Aziraphale to keep the peace in a symbolic sort of binding. A beautiful romance, an excellent action sequence, the cutest OC creatures, the best OC angels, and I wish there was a continuation of how canon progressed with this monumental change in their history bc I am THIRSTY for more. Rated M for a kinda-sorta sexy scene but there’s not really Efforts sooo…it’s more sensual than sexual? I guess? Either way, highly recommended.)

42. The Name of the Star is Wormwood – LusBeatha (T, the one where Crowley was Raphael and the Fruit of Knowledge of Good and Evil was a fly agaric mushroom. It is exactly as eccentric as it sounds, but presented in such a way that it actually makes sense. It jumps around in time, but the storyline taking place in the present is looking like Armageddon 2.0. Beautifully written, great take on canon.)

43. Sticks and Stones – @justkeeptrekkin (T, the one where Crowley takes on the guise of Casanova while trying to get over Aziraphale and Aziraphale shows up, whoops. GORGEOUS imagery, the most scrumptious pining, and if y’all appreciated the 2005 Pride and Prejudice dance scene, the one in here will about blow that one out of the water, if you can believe it. Knocked the breath right out of me.)

44. Yearning to Hold You Close – @guanin (T, the one where Aziraphale has a relationship with King Richard and asks Crowley to help save him, and there is a big sticky mess of feelings when they realize Richard and Crowley look almost exactly alike. In part inspired by David Tennant playing Richard II. A delicious, delicious emotional quandary where Crowley and Richard both wonder if Aziraphale only loves them because they look like each other, and Aziraphale doesn’t know how to say what he feels. Very sweet, very emotionally fraught.)

SOFT

45. Just This Once – @julia-writes-fanfic (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale kiss in the 90s and it’s amazing. The drunk 90s kiss is already good, but them revisiting it sober in 2010 makes both even better.)

46. A Sky Full of Stars – @kedreeva (G, the one where Aziraphale takes Crowley someplace where they can see the cosmos. The first GOmens fic I ever bookmarked, so I felt like including it, because it’s unbelievably sweet and has amazing visuals.)

47. The Serpent and the Seagull – @ineffably-good (G and T, the series where Aziraphale misses Crowley so he gets a little pet snake. Frederick the snake is among the best of the GOmens OCs, hilarious and foul-mouthed and once Crowley starts being able to understand him, it only gets better. Frederick likes helping his pets work their problems out so they’ll leave him alone to sleep. It’s extremely cute.)

48. The Discerning Black Swan – @lwtis (T, the one where Crowley is definitely not projecting on a black swan desperately trying to court a white mute swan in St James’ Park. I love how Crowley interfaces with his emotional problems through the swan, and the visual of the two swans is gorgeous.)

49. What A Demon Dreams – @whatawriterwields (G, the one where Crowley has some weird dreams, dude. I love the symbolism and the imagery in this one, it’s really vivid. It’s hard to pull off a concept like this so I respect how the author is able to do it and make it work.)

TOUCH STARVED/WINGS/BODY WORSHIP

50. Sunlight – crorvid (M, the one where Aziraphale is a touch-starved angel. Doesn’t deserve the M rating, in my opinion, but Aziraphale does feel the touching during their makeouts very intensely and it’s incredibly satisfying.)

51. The Curious Attractiveness of Others – @giddygeek (T, the one where Crowley finally gets to groom Aziraphale’s wings and Aziraphale gets to show Crowley how tender that can be. Another one with some great world building tucked into the corners, and emotionally satisfying grooming.)

52. Broken Wings – werebear (@werebeary) (T and M, the series where wing grooming is incredibly intimate and I got the vapors from the tenderness. Also the first time I saw anything about preen glands. The second one is rated M because the preening gets a bit…intense. Not sexual, exactly, but it’s close. Very passionate.)

53. Birthmark – Linebreaker (G, the one where Crowley has a scar on his lower back and a sad story to go with it. This one needs a bit of a harder rating, imo, and there’s one line that’s a bit Much, but otherwise it’s a sad and beautiful look at a potential reason why Crowley hates the fourteenth century so much. Lots of Crowley body worship packed into few words, very satisfying.)

54. They Are A Pale Picture of You – @ineffablefool (T, the one where they go for a walk during winter and things are just Soft. Ineffablefool has a wealth of body-positive asexual GOmens fics, but I think I like this one best, it’s sweet and adorable and some jerk who insults Aziraphale’s weight rightly gets the worst day of his life. Also Crowley compares Aziraphale in his winter wear to a plump little bird and it’s cute imagery.)

BONUS

55. Ineffable Bureaucracy Drabbles – Shift7 (T, the series of short fics where Gabriel and Beelzebub are kinda-sorta falling into friendship and being very judicious about it. Lots of paperwork, very orderly.)

56. Ineffable Bureaucracy – @eshnoazot (T and G, a series of longer fics where Gabriel and Beelzebub are navigating a careful arrangement of their own. Still lots of paperwork, of course, but there’s also emotional friction and conflict resolution. Excellent characterizations. Wednesday night Thai and Friendship night is a+++++. Gabriel deffo called a board meeting to talk about his feelings.)

57. A Bentley Sang in Berkeley Square – CastielHamilton (G, the one where the Bentley is sentient and a good, good girl. She is doing her best and I love her. Basically the series from her point of view.)

58. Fairest and Fallen – VitreousHumor (T, the series where Beelzebub and Gabriel encounter each other a few times and Gabriel tries his best to remember their shared pre-Fall history. Poignant, sad, and beautiful.)

59. Observer Effect – SquarePudding (T, the series where the Grigori in charge of recording Aziraphale’s Earthly movements starts to ship him and Crowley and records their romance. The Grigori, Rezathaniel, is a precious baby who needs to develop a better palate outside of “greasy literal garbage” and has 0 chill when it comes to their ship. They’re kind of like a celebrity blogger at this point but watching their character growth in the first story is very sweet.)

60. Soul of Vellum, Heart of Chrome – @29-pieces (G, the one where the Bentley and the Bookshop are sentient and very protective of their owners. This one is going to KILL ME with the plot I wasn’t expecting—Heaven and Hell are hunting Aziraphale and Crowley down again, so the Bentley and the Bookshop do their best to help. They’re doing so good and I’m so proud of them, it’s not their fault things went a bit south. Precious beans. Good, good things.)

61. Real Fire and Brimstone Stuff – @jessikast (G, the one where college-age Warlock helps accidentally summon his Nanny and a lot of things start to make sense. A very sweet story about Warlock getting closure and getting back in touch with Crowley and Aziraphale through the weirdest means possible.)

H/C /WHUMP/BAMF

62. Broken Hallelujah – @atlantis-is-burning (T, the one where Hastur comes to kill Aziraphale and Crowley and it’s ugly, folks. It is kinda gory and it is injury-ridden and painful, very touch-and-go for a bit. It ends well, though, and Hastur gets his, which is the Best. Tore me up one side and down the other in all the best ways.)

63. Fall Here – @marbledwings (T, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley are easing into a relationship in fits and starts, and then Crowley gets snatched. This one was AGONIZING to wait for it to update, so be glad it’s complete, because it gets pretty dark for a while. Be warned of torture, though it’s mostly implied and it’s the aftermath that’s dealt with most. It absolutely sticks the landing at the end, and has a great characterization of Michael.)

64. how deep the sand – Handful_of_Silence (G, the series where Aziraphale is trapped in a glass bubble in a wizard’s basement for fifty years and the ensuing aftermath. Feels mostly book-verse, but there are some cues from the show. Intense and realistic and emotional and heavy, drags you through the darkness and you appreciate the light all the more for it. A beautiful story.)

65. you taught me how to love, (it’s me who taught you how to stop) – @clankclunk (G, or the one where Aziraphale comes to find out that you can’t just rush into a relationship after six thousand years of repression. This one is absolutely murdering me. The angst is real. The hurt is real. I’m hoping the fluff and comfort promised in the tags is coming soon because WOW. Has a fantastically haunting view of what happens to angels, who are highly emotive beings, when they fall into depression. And Crowley’s adverse reactions to praise and love are so realistic and painful. Ouch.)

#good omens #good omens fic recs #mega gomens fic rec list #guys i'm so tired but it's so worth it #i love all of these #can't wait to rec more later

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melyaliz · 4 years

Text

Remember me pt . 8

Master List

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Summary: Bakugou has to remind his wife why she married him after she loses all her memories of them ever meeting.

Pairing: Bakugou x OC

Notes: I was thinking of maybe doing some My Hero Academia requests? Idk life seems to be slowing down a little.

All Masterlists @melyalizarchive

Connect with me! AO3 / Website / Pinterest / Newsletter

DONATE or REQUEST

-0-0-0-0-0--Bakugou--0-0-0-0-0-

“So what’s up with you and metalhead?” Kirishima asked as the heroes slowly rode the bus they had been given back to the large glass building. Bakugou, who had been peacefully resting, peeked an eye open glaring at the redhead who was smiling at him.

“Who?” The blonde knew who he was talking about. But he wasn't about to let Kirishima know he knew.

“The girl with the Gojra shirt.”

“Nothing.” eyes closed, head resting back angst the headrest as if that was the end of the conversation. However, with Kirishima it never was.

“You guys talked, did you get her number?”

That comment didn’t even deserve a response. Or the weird way his stomach clenched when it was asked.“No, why would I?”

“Because you like her” Kirishima poked him in the side or tried too but Bakugou swatted it away never opening his eyes.

“I don…”

“Tell me you at least you got her number.”

“Why do you care?” that one had a bit of a bite to it. A warning to back off.

“You didn’t! Bro…” disappointment lanced in the red head’s voice. As if Bakugou had just told him he was giving up on becoming number one or something. It was just some girl’s number.

“We are only here for a few more weeks--” Bakugou started to reason but was once again cut off.

“Oh look there she is, you can ask her out now.”

Bakuoug’s eyes opened looking out the window to see her talking to a few of her coworkers. Well, he assumed they were coworkers since she regularly talked to them. One of them, a guy, leaned forward annoying close to her to tell her something that made her laugh.

Something inside him made him hot. That same feeling he would get in high school when Deku would steal the spotlight. Would do something that would make everyone think he was better than he was. He wasn’t better. And neither was this guy.

As the bus stopped letting everyone out he walked out and stepped up to the group.

“Hey Olive”

She turned her face breaking into a smile as she saw him. “Hello, Bakugou. Beautiful weather isn’t it?” He knew her overly formal way of speaking was her lack of knowledge in the Japanese language but it still bothering him a little. She was obviously not a very formal person with her coworkers.

“I’m back for the weekend, I’m taking you to dinner.” Right to the point. He had never been one for small talk.

“I’m free Saturday,” she didn’t even bother asking where or when

“6 here,” he nodded. With the plans made he walked off not bothering -daring- to look back. However, he was able to catch that annoying guy ask about the interaction.

“What did he say?”

“Nothing important”

“It looked important,” one of the girls said her voice hitching in that weird squeak sound that girl would get when they were telling each other secrets.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Bakugo was dealing with two issues that were making his life a living hell.

Ok maybe that was a little dramatic but… making his life hard

One was sleeping next to Olive.

Sleeping next to someone you are physically attracted to and have had an intimate relationship with before is normally fine but as the days wear on, your body starts to crave them. It’s as if no matter how much you remind your bain it's your body that you have to fight. It knows that the warm body next to it makes it feel so good. It wants those feelings again.

And it had been a while.

in fact, besides that odd mission that took longer than it should plus healing after this might be the longest they had ever gone without having sex.

His body burned next to hers and the fact that he couldn't touch her was slowly starting to eat him alive. He kept telling himself he was stronger than this. That he could keep his sexual urges at bay but in the dark of the night where all he could do was feel the warmth of her body surrounded by her scent, it was madding.

One night she had moaned in her sleep and reached out her fingers brushing his torso. So touched starved and horney he was wide awake in seconds and so hard it was almost painful.

He was getting in a lot more late-night workouts.

Which just lead to him being more tired and grumpy. Everything seemed to irritate him now.

Which led to his second problem

Trying to get everyone to show up at the same place at the same time.

Trying to organize his old classmates was like herding cats. Not only did the conversation derail at every glimmer of an opportunity but their lives were so busy just getting that many heroes to have a few hours off was near impossible.

It could also be partly (mostly) his fault. If he was being REALLY honest with himself. (Self refection seemed to be an ongoing theme since this whole fucking issue had happened.) Bakugou may not have really wanted them to be there. He hated the idea of everyone knowing what was going on in their marriage. Their problem was unique and kind of intimate and he hated the idea that somehow he may have failed Olive.

So he was dragging his feet.

That was until she came back from therapy with puffy red eyes unable to look at him. The moment she walked into the apartment he was instatly clued in knowing something was wrong because she didn’t even greet Dolemite who came crying up to her in excitement at her being home. He could hear her mumbling something and then a soft wet laugh.

Shit.

He was looking over the reports on her case again. Pouring over each detail as if something would pop out at him. There was still nothing -besides the American angle- that seemed to link the two of them. But he couldn’t give up, if he focused harder, kept looking something would popup.

Or that was what he was telling himself until something else demanded his attention. Something much worse walked into the living room. Olive, looking completely defeated.

“Oh shit” she mumbled, catching his gaze a look of surprise on her face, “ you're not at work?”

“No, I only went in for a few hours.” he decided now was not the time to work on her Japanese. The way she looked. It made him sick. He wanted to go right over to that therapist and pound him (or her) into the ground. How dare they make Olive cry like that.

Looking away she coughed, “I’m going to wash up” she mumbled wiping the back of her hand across her face.

“Ok” he watched her go as the door closed behind her he heard her let out a choked sob. It shot through him like a bullet. Worse than any punch he had ever taken. Worse than anything he had ever felt.

He had thought it was getting better.

Apparently not.

He knew he should just leave it. Just let her work out whatever leftover emotions she was dealing with from Therapy. She obviously wanted her privacy closing the door and not making eye contact with him. But he couldn’t help it. Getting up he walked up to the door leaning against it leaning against the door. His back to it trying to see if he could hear anything.

It was muffled but her voice was loud enough fro him to catch a few phrases.

“I can’t do this Lilly” her voice was soft. “I just want to be happy. I just want to stop missing him.”

“Do you think you were the all sunshine and roses the first time around?” Lilly was obviously on speaker muffled by the door. “You need to stop putting those impossible standards on yourself”

“But I’m not just hurting, I’m hurting him too.”

Him, she meant Bakugou. He frowned, his heart pounding. She was crying because she was hurting him. As if he needed to be protected. It was almost laughable

“He’ll get over it” was Lilly’s soft voice. “He’s a big boy”

Olive let out another sob saying something about unfair and something else he couldn’t make out. Bakugou’s fists clenched angrily, feeling them grow hot small pops erupting in his hands. He didn’t care if it was planned or not, he was going to find that memory querk guy and beat him to a bloody pulp for making Olive feel like this.

His phone vibrated and he looked down to See Kirishima saying he just got off.

Letting out a low growl he shot off a text to the group,

Whoever can make it show up the rest of you losers can just die.

Olive came out 10 mins later. She had washed her face and she looked much cleaner and less, distressed. Finding Bakugou on the couch she smiled waving at him.

“So I was thinking maybe we go out for dinner? Do something fun?” she looked as if she hadn’t just been having a mental breakdown in the bedroom. All smiles and sunshine. That was his girl. A fighter, never settling for anything less than the best. Nothing could keep her down for long.

“Well good because we are meeting some people for dinner and drinks.”

This time her smile reached her face as she lit up. “Really who!?! Is it Kirishima?” she quickly switched to the Japanese trying to get in as much practice as she could.

“ Among a few others yes,”

Letting out a squeal she turned, “What would I wear? Is it a nice dinner?”

“Cute, not fancy.” walking past her he lead her back into thei bedroom. Her bouncing behind him like a puppy into their shared closet all smiles and giggles. Grabbing a black dress that he loved her in he handed it to along with a red leather jacket.

“Thank you Katsuki,” she said looking at the clothes. Nodding he turned to grab his own outfit. He could hear her rushing toward the bathroom to change and probably put some makeup on.

“You have 30 minutes to get ready” he called after her as the phone in his pocket blew up with texts on who was coming and when they would be showing up.

Let’s just get this over with. He thought as he quickly changed going out to the bedroom he jumped onto the bed looking over the texts waiting for Olive to finish up. 45 minutes later Olive appeared. He was about to give her shit for taking so long but when he saw her standing there he just about had a heart attack.

Dressed in that cute little black dress he had forgotten how good it looked on her. Hugging each curve giving just enough cleavage to show off but not enough to be scandalous. The little heeled booties make her legs look amazing.

Oh god.

Her makeup was done all smokey and her hair had a bit of a messy curl in it giving her a bit of a rocker vibe. It took all his will power to not pull her onto the bed and just take her right there.

He wanted to so badly

“Too much? ” she asked fidgetting with the hem of her leather jacket. One he had gotten for her a few months ago after watching her admire it in a shop window.

“ No, ” he said, getting up, “ let’s go. ”

“I’m kind of nervous” she mumbled following him out. Her English words clean and clear giving off her true emotions.

“ You said you wanted this, ” he said looking at her continuing in Japanese so that she could get as much practice in. Their friends English ranged from ok to nonexistent so she needed to be ready, “ And it’s not like they don’t know you.”

“I just… yeah” she muttered her gaze looking away from him. He instantly regretted teasing her.

“ These are kids from UA, all proheros now. And they like you. ” he paused fighting back a smile at the memories of her meeting them all for the first time, “ Probably more than me. ”

“I doubt that ” was her response as she bit her upper lip.

“ Stop that, ” he said, shoving her slightly with his shoulder. She turned confused. “ Worrying ,” he pointed to his lip to indicate he saw what she was doing.

“ Ok .” she nodded as they walked, their hands kept brushing finally she just reached out grabbing his. He looked down at her fingers wove into this and he felt painfully aware of how it made him feel. How he wanted to just pull her closer to him. Take her away to somewhere quiet, alone. Make her remember him. Remind her body at least of how it loved him. But he didn’t just walking with her. Feeling like they were marching toward their death sentience.

His friends better behave.

To say Bakugou had two problems was putting it lightly

-GET TAGGED-

Master List Story Tag: @0hmydeku @inumorph @it-jinxed-us @myraticm

#katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki x oc #bakugou katsuki x reader #Katsuki bakugou x oc #bakugou x oc #bakugou x fem!reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo fic #bakugou katsuki fic #my writting #bakugou fluff #bakugou katsuki fluff #katsuki bakugou fluff

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whereconfusionisarhyme · 4 years

Text

First Reactions To Logan’s Playlist

K first song let’s do this

White and Nerdy-Weird Al Yankovic

Wtf this song was definitely Joan’s idea I mean who else would think of ‘White and Nerdy’ for Logan

Is this like canon he listens to this stuff or like songs about him???

Not Perfect-Tim Minchin

TIM MINCHIN

Bo Burnham better be on Logan's playlist

#deep

Is this about the mindpalace/inside of Thomas’ head??? Cause like???? Ouch???? I think????

Lol nvm it’s not sad lmao

I take back my take back it is sad

So this could be literally “in his mind” or it could be figurative and it’s really messing with my funky flow

Streaks-ANIMA!

Cool instrumental

Love the voice sounds a little like MARINA and Regina Spektor

Oh no I’m two lines in and I can tell it’s gonna be sad

OH NO CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST AHHHHH

Wow Logan is just out here being relatable isn’t he smh 😔👊

"Cause you're a smart kid, but you're still a kid" LOGAN REALLY BE OUT HERE BEING RELATABLE ON MAIN

The Elements-Tom Lehrer

Sounds like what piano class would sound like if I took piano class

Something you would listen to in science class

Bop

Medicine-STRFCKR

A Fever You Can't Sweat Out vibes

Lmao nvm

Gonna go look up the lyrics rn brb

A sad bop

Philosophy cool

Human-Tank And The Bangas

Logan playing this to comfort himself because this singer is the only person who has ever told him this

WHO HURT LOGAN WITH THEIR WORDS

LOGAN THE HEART SKIPPING COMMENT ARE YOU OKAY IM GIVING YOU A HUG

GUYS LOGAN IS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THAT HE MATTERS IM NOT OKAY

Last???? Relationship???

Okay I'm not a shipper BUT my theorist analysis obsessed brain is just SCREAMING about Roman and Patton

Observation: Logan is probably atheistic and this song covers God a lot. I don't have a conclusion or anything just pointing that out

This woman do be calming tho like yes I'm beautiful yes I'm special thank you

Okay so I already knew Logan wasn't okay but he 100% isn't okay

Fittet Happier-Radiohead

K two words in and I can tell this is gonna be sad here we go

Employees? Or maybe…other sides?

Minor key ok

SELF HARM ISNT OKAY

"WILL NOT CRY IN PUBLIC" NONONONO

So I heard of a good therapist just downtown-

The Watchtower-The Dø

I paused it cause I need a second after the last one

Guys as someone who dissosiates a lot I think Logan might be dissosiating

Dissosiating to protect himself from his emotions

Y'all just trust me in this one

Coming for the TØP brand I see

K ready to start again here we go

Fire beat I'm vibing with it

Is he trying to distance himself from his emotions to try and perform his tasks better like watching from a Watchtower???

This is the first character I've seen that might dissosiate which only means one thing

I'm gonna be projecting an unholy amount in my fanfiction

"No one in particular" hon who hurt you

City Lights=Emotions (which he considers distractions)??? Maybe??

I'm a William Finn fan come on this isn't my first rodeo

Art Is Dead-Bo Burnham

BO BURNHAM I WAS RIGHT

We all love some good Imposter Syndrome (tm)! :D

This gives Learning New Things About Ourselves' a whole new meaning

Ngl this is the first time I heard the degrading of the piano at the end and I'm here for it

In My Mind-Amanda Palmer

Oop we LOVE setting up impossible expectations for yourself to the point you have a cripplingly horrid self esteem! :D

Logan I've done this before and trust me it isn't worth it the mental breakdowns are too taxing

I'll do it when I'm older=I'm never gonna get around to it

I don't wanna be the person I wanna be either

Why do I perfectly understand every lyric am I ok

Live!!! While you!!!! Can!!!!

At least there's a happy ending

Okay so I've decided that once I'm done I'm gonna make a list of songs I think would fit in the playlist

Algorythym-Childish Gambino

K its spelled incorrectly get ready for some metaphors my dudes

Intro is cool definitely very very Logan WOAH OKAY CHAIN SMOKER

Gonna go look up lyrics I don't understand shit

The chorus sounds like Thanksgiving at my Aunt's house where like 100+ African American relatives blast house music and dance until their feet falls off

Nvm no it doesn't

GO OFF

ELPHABA BETTER WATCH OUT CHILDISH GAMBINO IS COMING FOR YOUR BELT

Adlibs are everything

Letter C-Zach Sherwin

This gives off the same vibes as that one pickle video by Charlie Puth

Roman vs Logan rap battle but it's this

I don't really see why this is related but sure

Time Adventure-The Marcus Hedgehog

Nostalgiaaaaaa

Okay Logan has too many songs talking about one (1) person who is it

I have a gut feeling that it's about Thomas and how Logan used to be enough "back then" but now he thinks he's not cause like let's be honest when was the last time someone gave Logan a strong sincere thank you for all that he does????Excluding DWIT (which doesn't really count in my opinion cause they said he was cool, not like an integral and arguably the most important and powerful side) nobody really appreciates Logan???? Hugs???

Anyway plz ignore this is just how my brain works

K next song

The Breach-clipping.

OKAY SLOW DOWN IM GONNA LOOK UP LYRICS

Is this Daveed Diggs???? I haven't listened to Hamilton in like forever is this Daveed Diggs???

LITERALLY PERFECY PARRALLEL TO LOGAN AND THE SIDES

Sound effects

Really just gonna fry my eardrums like that huh

What I Do For U-Ra Ra Riot

Okay scrap anything and everything I said about it being the sides Logan is 100% talking about Character!Thomas

Erase Me-Ben Folds Five

Ooh this intro reminds me of this one particular musical songs but I don't remember which one

Wait have I listened to this before????

I've listened to this before!

Okay I need to stop being distracted

NOOOOOO don't Erase Yourself!!!!

Logan really just do be having no Self Esteem don't he

Okay so theory: Logan didn't pop up in person in the last video because his eyes were too red from crying

I have 0 evidence so it's not a very good theory but…

Just throwing it out there

One More Time with Feeling-Regina Spektor

Oh no it's Regina Spektor

Oh no I'm gonna cry

Okay so Logan doesnt wanna block of all emotion, only permit some to show???? But most of the time block everything????

Did I get that???

Nobody!!!! Thanks!!!! Logan!!!!

Awww he just wants love and recognition

Tbh this sounds a lot like Roman they have so much in common despite their constant arguing

Galaxy Song-Monty Python

Ooh Monty Python

I haven't listened to Monty Python so I sadly don't know the context

Really just dissing all of the other sides aren't we

Can't really blame him tho

Very scientific

"Yeau~"

Sweet with dark undertones. Love it.

Equation-Hans Zimmer

Later I'm gonna check the equations if they're correct XD

Sunrise-In The Heights

!!!!!!

WHO???!!!!!

K to this is one of my favorite love songs ever it's just so sweet and as someone who's bilingual the concept is just amazingly wonderful so yeah I may be freaking out

Also because WHO??!!

Okay I said I wasn't a shipper but let's be honest this is probably about Roman not romantically but like

OR MAYBE JANUS???

IM SO CONFUSED

But Logan is definitely Nina in this situation it just fits so well with her character for the same reasons I really wanna play her (but never will cause I'm exactly 0% Latin American smh) yeah the pressures to be the smartest and then it backfiring horribly and oh God what if Inùtil is also in the playlist ahhhh

Okay moving on

Lifeboat-Heathers

WHAT

CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST LOGAN STOP BEING RELATABLE AHHHH

IS THIS CAPTAIN THOMAS??? THE OTHER SIDES AS A WHOLE??? AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT???

IM NOT OKAY

Bohemian Groove-Will Connolly

Okay I'm still not recovered from the last song but I need to continue or else I'm never gonna finish this playlist

Eeecccchhhhhoooo

Your friends haven't surpassed you Logan you belong with them okay????

Emptiness despite success??? Millennial who???

Vibing with it but also are you okay

Nvm I know the answer already

Hug All Ur Friends-Cavetown

Okay so Logan is a Cavetown gay noted

Self validation??? Who's she???

Lies. You care so much about what other people *sides* think about you

Maybe Logan listens to this song to remind himself to not care too much

But it doesn't work and it's getting to him more and more

That took a turn

Breathin'-Thomas Sanders

Good move

Don't really have much to say on this

The Bidding

Spoopy

Alchoholic!Logan

New idea for us fan writers

The pronunciation of beurgoise

Okay I'm like pretty certain at this point that all of the songs that mention a someone else is about Character!Thomas

A Better Version

OHMYGOD I LOVE THIS MUSICAL ITS SO UNDERRATED I HAVE LISTENED TO THE SOUNDTRACK AND UNGODLY AMOUNT OF TIMES YESSSSS

But also since I know the song in terrified cause the feels are gonna come in I just know it

Wait so is Jayce supposed to be Thomas???

I am suddenly feeling much more uncertain about my certainty

Okay let me unpause and just listen to it (even though I already know all of the lyrics)

Okay so I'm a dumbass and apparently this song isn't even part of the playlist

Okay so I'm an idiot and the last few songs have all been "related to playlist" and not in the actual playlist I'm big dumb.

Anyway here's my list of songs I think would fit. (BTW, I only went off of lyrics for these ones. I realize that there’s a general sound and vibe for the playlist, but I decided not to follow it.)

Oh No! ~ MARINA

Hug All Ur Friends ~ Cavetown

Bohemian Groove ~ Will Connolly

Guiltless ~ Dodie Clark

Lifeboat ~ Laurens O’Keefe

The Bidding ~ *idk who*

I Am Not A Robot ~ MARINA

Inútil - Lin Manuel Miranda

Through The Eyes Of A Child ~ AURORA

Community Gardens ~ The Scary Jokes

Let me know if I should do this with the other playlists as well! :)

#sander sides #ts sanders sides #sanders sides #thomas sanders #tss #logan sander angst #logan sanders #ts logan #logan’s playlist #first reaction #self harm mention #tw self harm

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Grace & Janis

Grace: I thought you were back??! Janis: I've just gone to 🐕🏃 Janis: didn't fancy hockey in the freezing cold when I could be 💰 instead Grace: oh okay Janis: Mia will have to try and kneecap me another time Grace: 🙄 please Grace: like she has the energy to go after us both Janis: Yeah, you might wanna make whatever alibi for NY you have watertight Janis: they were cooking up their version of event in physics Grace: that was days ago, everyone's talking about you and your boyfriend again now, babes Grace: not my 🤢 🤮 🤧 🤒 Janis: then you're welcome Janis: but it ain't just bugs bunny who's slow on the uptake, much as they'd like to portray Grace: she can't prove I wasn't sick, she wishes Janis: send me an anon, if you want Janis: about what I did, throw something in about getting you soup or some bollocks Grace: cos that worked SO WELL when Ella tried it Grace: it's fine, I wasn't in the mood to go anywhere or post anything Janis: 1. you aren't as blatant as they are 2. people wanna know what I'm up to, idiot, it's not like 'hi pls tell me what your sister grace was doing between the hours of 8-2 on new years tah' Grace: literally nobody is but whatever Grace: 1 sec Grace: [sending those anons like] Grace: 👌👌?? Janis: don't need to tell me Janis: [does the responses] Janis: there you go Grace: 💜 Janis: yeah, crisis well adverted Grace: neither of us are in crisis, you're 😍😍 & I'm 🙄🏑 Janis: 👌👌 Janis: far as any cunt's concerned Grace: yeah Janis: I'm at his house Grace: cute Janis: he's not here Janis: said I could stay though Janis: if I need Grace: like I said, it's beyond obvious he cares Janis: you think it's weird Grace: ?? Janis: him and me Grace: why would I think it's weird and why would you care? Janis: Alright, what do you think then Grace: I literally just said how cute you were Janis: you say that about things usually when you don't mean it Janis: it's a them thing you've picked up Grace: excuse you, you'd know if I didn't mean it Grace: I've never once come at you telling you to dump him Grace: it'd be a big thing like !!!!!!!!! Grace: having no chill is a me thing Janis: if I was one of the gals, sure Janis: you and me don't do that Grace: UM hello, you're my sister Grace: you wouldn't listen to me but I'd still TRY Grace: if he was like the worst ever Janis: you don't reckon he's Liam 2.0 then? Grace: why are you even bringing him up? Janis: nans got a shit poker face Janis: she looked like she'd seen a 👻 when she met him Janis: briefly Grace: it's nan, babes Grace: she thinks every boy is going to do us dirty in every way possible Grace: with this family's track record she does have a point but like Grace: just no Grace: you're not her, you wouldn't Janis: love made her stupid Janis: she could've done anything and she decided to die in a car crash with a lad who only liked her as much as Ri Grace: & I repeat you're not like her so don't even Janis: not that smart to begin with Grace: shut up Grace: you literally do physics with Mia & Ella Janis: and they're right geniuses that pair Janis: 🙄 Janis: Ella'd learn rocket science if she got to be up Mia's hole Grace: 🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: it's not hard, all I'm saying Grace: cos you're not stupid, duh Grace: & he really likes you so stop Janis: what do you mean? Grace: what do you mean, what do I mean? Janis: what should I stop? Grace: I know a freak out when I see one Grace: 👑 of Janis: Got no reason to freak out Grace: exactly so don't Janis: I ain't Grace: 👌👌 sure Janis: what would I be freaking out about? Janis: not broken into his house here, like Grace: idk this is the longest convo we've had in forever Janis: must be the way you accuse me of having mental breakdowns Janis: not very endearing tbh Grace: ha ha Grace: but not even Janis: I shouldn't tell him Janis: about Ana, and all that Janis: should I Grace: he was a church Grace: I don't think he'd be 😱😱😱 Janis: don't paint me in the best light Grace: maybe put the 💬 equivalent of like, a filter on it Grace: if you do tell Janis: I didn't try to kill her, she just slipped Janis: 👍 Grace: it was A LOT Janis: she always is Janis: dunno what kind of cult he found that fucking bitch in though Grace: ugh, let's not Janis: she ain't going to just fuck off Janis: even if Ana is going to sulk thinking I'll come and apologize Grace: well, some of us are being forced to play hockey, hun, instead of having a mental breakdown Janis: you scream if the ball comes near you, I've seen you Grace: I don't want to have to hit it 💅! Janis: exactly, don't act like you're busy Grace: I'm not saying I'm busy, I'm saying I'm not trying to be busy 😢😢 thanks Janis: fuck all to cry about Janis: that's the point Janis: I'm not pretending her kids, or any of the fucking others, mean anything to me Janis: or he did Grace: if that's how you feel don't tell barista boy any of it, end of convo Grace: it was just family drama, no specifics Janis: of course that's how I feel Janis: shouldn't be surprising Grace: I'm not surprised Janis: you're an idiot if you feel any different Grace: you can stop, it's not like I want any of them to exist either Janis: someone needs to back me up Janis: you know full well Ri won't stop seeing her, and Junior ain't about and if he were he'd do fuck all as well Grace: okay so what are we going to do? Janis: that's what we need to work out Janis: why should they be the only ones allowed to talk about him Janis: how amazing he was Grace: she's the loudest Grace: if we could be louder then Janis: it's a joke and everyone around us fucking knows it Janis: someone needs to lay it out for her, finally face it, for what it actually is Janis: who he was Grace: but she's never gonna hear it from either of us like that Grace: it would literally have to come from god, babes Janis: maybe it can Janis: hmm Janis: leave it with me, but think what you want to say Grace: ??! Grace: obviously I'll 🤔🤔 though Janis: might take a while Janis: but fuck it Janis: she ruined my new years Grace: yeah, mine too Janis: would've been a shite party anyhow Grace: that's totally not the point Janis: put it in your letter Janis: already got enough people in a mood with me Grace: fine Janis: fuck sake Grace: UM rude, why are you swearing at me? Janis: because it ain't my fault Grace: I'm not blaming you for what happened Grace: I was there Janis: I told her to get out of my way Janis: she should've, simple as Grace: I know Grace: I was freaking out too, she deliberately ambushed us Janis: you didn't cunt punt her though so you know Grace: yeah but you'd be on my side if I did so Janis: if you do it now it will look like you're copying me, just fyi Grace: & I've never been accused of that before ever 🙄 I think I'd find a way to cope Janis: hardly the sister you copy now Janis: don't need to know the ins and outs to see that Grace: cos nobody EVER brings up the past 🙄🙄 Grace: beyond focused on only 💬 about us now, like Janis: that's why I've given them something to talk about Grace: & that's great for you, babes Janis: not like you can't Grace: not in the same way Janis: not unless there's another new kid any time soon Grace: not holding my breath Janis: it's not the only way Grace: 😂😂 what else am I gonna do?? Janis: depends Janis: they're gonna chat shit, regardless, that's obvious Janis: what would you rather they said Grace: is that like, a trick question?? Janis: why would it be Grace: UM it's a little too late for me to try & overhaul what people 💬 about me, hun Janis: hardly Janis: stuck here for another 3 Janis: you could have a totally different rep in that time Grace: hardly Grace: ALL the receipts exist Janis: 🙄 Grace: you have NO idea Janis: yeah Janis: 'course I don't Grace: so are you done trying to make me a better person or ?? Janis: I'm not trying to do shit Janis: if you're gonna cry about it, you could at least try Janis: that's the point Janis: don't complain if you ain't Grace: if I wanna talk about my rep, grandma & god are ALWAYS available Grace: you brought it up Grace: literally all I said was congrats on your 😍😍 Janis: your rep is 😢😢 and freakouts Janis: you said Grace: no I didn't Grace: I said I know a freakout when I see one Janis: well it is Janis: we all get chatted on Janis: if all you want to do is cry about it that's your look out but no one is gonna feel sorry for you Janis: least of all me Grace: I didn't ask Grace: for your opinion or sympathy Janis: yeah, people NOT looking for sympathy 👑 themselves queen of 😭😱 Janis: good luck with that, really working in your favour Grace: I'm talking to you not tweeting it out but sure Grace: thanks Janis: you think it's a secret? Janis: pretty sure your own friends and any guy you'd ever fucked wouldn't treat you like shit if you didn't reek of the desperation of it all Grace: grandma being literally the worst, which is all we were talking about when I said I was 😢😢 is as close to a secret as this family gets Grace: but 👌 attack me Janis: I'm not interested in living this lie with you rn Janis: you cry all the time Grace: &? Grace: you get angry all the time, I'm not judging you Janis: and this is why no one has anything to say about you Grace: whatever, Janis Grace: I didn't come here for this Grace: 👋 Janis: 😢😢 Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: you're a fucking joke, Grace Grace: this whole family is Grace: 👏 that you changed the news cycle for a sec Janis: 👏 that you're less interesting than Mia and Ella and all they do is slowly starve themselves to death Janis: people aren't going to forget suddenly that you belong to this family, just 'cos you try to blend into the walls Grace: like I said, you have no idea Janis: Yeah, I do Janis: we all get talked about, I did when I was doing literally nothing Grace: not about me & it's not like you care so just focus on yourself Grace: my rep is my problem Janis: it is your problem if you can't take the tiniest bit of initiative and see that being a lesser version of Rio is just going to make people talk about her more Grace: people aren't going to stop talking about her just cos I have a fake personality overhaul Janis: it's about the comparison Janis: you don't wanna be your own person, no? Janis: carry on getting Mia to dress you Grace: 😂😂 mhmmmm cos we all just get to be our own person Grace: if I'm not compared to her, it's Edie or you Janis: yeah, wild how no one is mistaking you 2 for sisters Janis: no amount of her leftovers is gonna make you exempt Janis: try getting crippled, evidently worked for Billie Janis: get a sex change, Junior who? Grace: hilarious Janis: we all got our lot Janis: and they're getting bored of their charity work with you Janis: what are you gonna do then, huh? Grace: yeah & yours is nothing like mine so stop coming for my life Janis: we're literally twins Grace: oh please Janis: sorry, not much can be done about it now Grace: duh Janis: 🧱 Grace: 👌👌 Janis: fuck this Grace: 👋 Janis: 🖕 Grace: 💜

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system-of-a-feather · 5 years

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So. We are talking to our counselor about ptsd and host is struggling to accept it, and we have been blurring a lot lately. Counselor is giving us grounding techniques to help, but host doesnt want to practise them when we aren't dissociating. Idk how to help him, cause he barely wants to acknowledge us as is. Any advice? Also! Hope everything for you guys are going good! We love you guys a lot, and hope you all are doing good 🧡

It can be often hard for hosts to come to terms with PTSD and the severity and reality of the trauma that the system / body has gone through in the past. From our system’s personal experience and from what I personally watched first hand from Riku and a now-dormant alter, digesting the reality of the trauma and the weight of it is often a really big “pill to swallow” as they would put it, and sometimes hosts aren’t entirely ready to work and digest it. I’ve seen both within our system and others that pushing it too harshly can cause an adverse response (such as extreme denial flare ups, extreme doubt, self loathing, etc) in an attempt to “emergency” distance from trauma that they had heavily learned to block off to cope with.

This isn’t to say that you should cut off the progress and discussion that your counselor is having, but more to say that I would recommend taking a step back and checking the situation out and checking in on the host and seeing how they are feeling (sometimes you may not be able to ask them directly without them shutting down of sorts, so you might have to infer off of general behavior and thought patterns that you might pick up) and to see if the counselor is moving too fast for them at the moment. If that is the case, I would recommend trying to get another alter out to address the topic and issue with the counselor so that they are aware that it might be causing issues and/or that the sessions are not reaching the host due to it being overwhelming. In fact, even if it isn’t the case, I would recommend either having another alter that is aware of the situation come in session - or at least write a note for the host to turn in (if you can trust the host to do that) to bring the issue up to the counselor’s awareness. That sort of communication is vital to having a productive and effective recovery pattern and if it is possible to do so I would recommend it.

If you do plan to continue forward with the discussion and your host does seem somewhat ready to walk forward into trying to come to terms with how bad the past trauma was and all of that, then I would advice you to just try to be availible, supportive, and reassuring as much as possible. When it comes to when Riku - or the system as a whole - is talking about potentially triggering topics or serious trauma situations, a lot of the ANPs and protectors plan ahead of time to be a bit more active and aware and - in a way - prepare and set up the environment to allow for time and space to have mental breakdowns, flashbacks, and to slow down in our environment. For us, this often means clearing out time in the schedule, getting assignments done ahead of time, having alters ready and keeping an eye on the potentially vulnerable alters, and generally trying to foster a healthy, supportive, warm, and gentle environment internally and - for as far as we can - externally so there are little variables that might add further stress and challenge to an already stressful and challenging task.

The last thing we typically want when someone is trying to process, come to terms with, and work with trauma is a really big deadline coming up that would make it harder to process and work through the emotions / motions of coming to terms with it all. It is honestly to the point that our system will not move forward at all with a trauma topic if the next few weeks are not in what Riku and I would consider “safe low stress” range.

Riku likes to state this a lot on the blog, but you do not ever have to rush or speed into recovery and coming to terms with trauma. While it is important to come to terms with the presence of trauma and to eventually process it, sometimes it is better to stop, take a break, and move forward in tip toes rather than leaps as any progress is some progress and rushing can be detrimental. It is actually a very important component of trauma therapy that most therapists try to keep an eye out for.

EDIT. I just noticed the extra comments, thanks for the well wishes and love. We love the support. We are doing well, albeit all of us are working on independent improvements.

-Lucille (Primary Protector)

#alter: lucille #did #osdd #dissociative identity disorder #actuallydid #advice #ask #asks #therapy #trauma #ptsd #c-ptsd

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deacied · 5 years

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evening sun . // one .

summary: messaging stupid things to your celebrity crush on instagram has no repercussions because it’s not like they’re going to read it anyway! obviously this doesn’t entail sexual harassment or general creepiness, but sending a meme they’d like or a picture or maybe something actually stupid like your phone number seems irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

or the one where you dm joe on instagram and your life actually changes

warnings: none other than like fluff

word count: 1.7k

she sends the stupidest message she has possibly ever typed in her entire life (eighth grade, angsty teen posts on myspace included) to him in the second week of march. the chances were low that he would open her dm, but he had been known to ever so often answer a handful at a time, and what did she have to lose if he did answer the message? she had sent him other things before as if he were her best friend, memes that reminded her of him or funny t-shirt ads, whatever it had been that she thought might have him grinning to himself--- however, clearly the response never-received wasn’t with this particular “friend”. she didn’t really know him, and he, blissfully unaware of her existence, yet she tried weakly to get the attention of him while he received thousands of others flooding his messages doing just the same. it was just a bit of fun really. a shirt that showed a t-rex wearing mickey ears, “wrong park!“ written across it had her laughing manically to herself before sending the post over to joe. she hoped she would see him in that shirt soon.

it was a hopeless cause that, well, wouldn’t crush her if the odds weren’t in her favor. nearly a month after she had sent the stupidest message, a notification of a new text pings through her phone. a glance over to it only to be met with an unknown number loses her attention as quick as it held it. she yawns. the action comes of mainly boredom though sleepiness threatens to claw its way into dominance as the summer rain continues to pummel unto the roof, warm florida air shifting through the porch, and the novel in her hand losing focus. a nap would be good-- perfect actually.

the crackle of lightning followed by a gargle of thunder shook her out of her sleep only an hour later and back into reality. every afternoon without fail, the casual shower of rain would pass over her family home just after three as if mother nature were taking her time with her garden. florida often promised hurricanes so the thunderstorms weren’t uncommon, but this particular one wasn’t supposed to hit until thursday, and with it being only tuesday, she knew this storm would last forever now: the earlier they came, the longer and harder they reined apparently. notifications sound off at a quick rate, though she easily dismisses it as something extraordinary going on in the group chat. trekking back into the house with book and phone in hand, her free fingers pass over her dogs’ heads as she passes them to head to her room. the thought of a shower to wash away the dampness from outside was the most ideal option she possessed, however, the implied doom her mother promised of a shower during a thunderstorm was the least. more notifications go off in time before she turns off the ringer entirely and plugs it into the charger. sixty-four (jesus) messages in the group chat on discord, another twenty-one from the same group on instagram, and god knows how many more on snapchat, but the one, singular cluster of notifications tucked at the bottom that held her interest had her pausing with head tipping in interest: another message from the unknown number.

lower lip curls between teeth as brows furrow an inch together. finally clicking on the messages, she feels like she might throw up as her eyes follow the pixels. holy. fucking. shit.

FROM unknown 11:18 am: It’s super dangerous giving your phone number to strangers on the internet you know? FROM unknown 11:20 am: I tried to call and kind of chickened out. I got nervous and I’m sorry. FROM unknown 11:43 am: Oh my god, did you really shoot your shot and just leave the court?

she has to read the messages at least eight times, take a screenshot, send it to her brother, and have him confirm she’s not having a stroke before she can go back to the originals with an intent to reply. thumbs hover over keys making absentminded shapes as she breathes deeply, loudly, anxiously trying not to have a whole mental breakdown. the message directly referenced her messages to none other than the boy from jurassic park, the bassist of bohemian rhapsody, the very angry baseball player of undrafted. there was absolutely no way that this was actually, truly, literally joseph francis mazzello iii. couldn’t be. nope. not happening. she doesn’t know what to reply back with for a good long moment, taking a second to collect herself and open up instagram to confirm for the hundredth time now that this is who she thinks it is.

the dm’s screen welcomes her, exhale escaping lowly as she clicks on joe_mazzello’s chat. he hadn’t replied -clearly, she most definitely would have received a notification for that or else instagram would have a very angry woman on their hands- but he had opened it. the time read 3:56am two weeks ago when he read them. her head falls backwards as the mental math floods hurriedly through her brain, trying to understand: so he had called a week after reading them apparently, and then waited another week before engaging contact again. he... he had been thinking about this for a while; it wasn’t just a spur-of-the-moment ploy to entertain a fan. god, she might throw up actually this time. thumbs navigate to open the texts from the unknown number again just to make sure they hadn’t magically dissolved into thin air. a slow exhale. one more final time she moves over the keys.

TO unknown 12:56 pm: who is this? TO unknown 12:57 pm: if this is who i think it is i’m gonna Lose My McFreakin Mind

she nods to herself as they send--- vague enough that whomever was on the other side wouldn’t think something strange was going on no matter what the outcome turned out to be. it had happened once where a friend texted the wrong number instead of her, asking if “mc fuckhead” was there. (that was an incredibly fun inside joke to explain.) head tips to the side slightly, hopping her train of thought from joe mazzello and him genuinely thinking of you to how strange every inside joke must sound to people outside of the inside. another vibration of the device jerks her back to the matter at hand, unable to help her heart thumping uneasily.

FROM unknown 1:26 pm: Hi, I’m Joe Mazzello from Jurassic- I mean, Bohemian Rhapsody and you’re watching Disney Channel! FROM unknown 1:26 pm: Thank God you’re a multiple text person too FROM unknown 1:27 pm: Please don’t Lose Your McFreakin Mind! FROM unknown 1:27 pm: Wait. FROM unknown 1:27 pm: .....Is this (@ y/ig)? Did I just fuck everything up with an actual wrong number?

suspicions couldn’t get more confirmed than that. her next set of texts goes out rapidly and without much second thought, a stupidly huge smile graced on her face that probably made her look like a maniac--- but really, if any person’s celebrity crush had texted them wouldn’t they have the exact same reaction? actually, now that y/n thinks about it, she’s being really, really calm. the internal screaming stays internal -thank the lord- though her cheeks already ache from the face-splitting grin she currently wears.

TO unknown 1:33pm: if i’m (@ y/ig) then wouldn’t you be @joe_mazzello? no? just me? ok TO unknown 1:33 pm: but hi yes i’m y/n ??? holy shit ??? what the fuck ??? TO unknown 1:34 pm: definitely losing my mind rn TO unknown 1:34 pm: but also 👀 real talk i was 👀 actually asking you 👀 out TO unknown 1:34 pm: like if you wanted to hang out 👀 haha

as soon as the last one sends, her heart drops with fear. fuck, what if the actor just wanted to do a fan a favor and answer her dm just for shits and giggles, or, best (worst?) case scenario he wanted to online-befriend her. she can very easily lose the one single chance she’s gotten and--- god, yes, definitely going to throw up. she sends another message in a haste, praying to whomever was up above that her last text actually saved her ass. he responds in actual record time, the girl tucked up on her bed unable to help the excited and very, very, very ugly squeal she let out as she starts reading the messages.

FROM joe omg 1:36 pm: Interesting.... I’ll have to accept your proposal. We meet at dawn! FROM joe omg 1:36 pm: But you’re in Florida right? I think I read that on your account, I hope I didn’t just pull that out of my ass. FROM joe omg 1:36 pm: I haven’t been to Universal down there in God knows how long and I was planning to go at the end of the month funnily enough FROM joe omg 1:36 pm: If dinosaurs and King Kong and Harry Potter and whateva are your thaaaang

an anxious groan soon follows-- of course this was the alternating year she had gotten a disney annual pass instead of a universal one like last year, and upon further inspection of prices, her bills due, and her bank account, it was a couple hundred dollars she definitely didn’t have to spend. she sets her phone down to calm her now raging anxiety, skin heating up and palms sweating profusely until she fists her comforter in hopes to dry them. asking an actual rich and famous person for financial help just to hang out with them was forcing her eyes to prick with tears-- she had to find something else, right? they could work something else out and she was just overreacting. it takes her verbally saying “you’re crying over universal, chill the heck out” before she comprehends and truly relaxes, tension melting out of her back as a slow breath falls from anxiety ridden lungs.

TO joe omg 1:42 pm: i actually love universal but i have a disney pass right now if maybe that was something you wanted to do TO joe omg 1:43 pm: idk if you’ve ever been to disney world but its so much better than disneyland if i’m honest lmao i’ve gone to california once and i went and i wasn’t super impressed TO joe omg 1:43 pm: i mean it was really cool cause it was the original disney but rides and attractions wise you know what i mean??? anyway im rambling wtf

the conversation rolls with no further lulls in topics to talk about, one in the afternoon soon turning to one in the morning and her eyes threatening to droop closed. with a final goodnight text the pair decide to resume conversation in the morning, and lord, did she have something to excitedly scream about then.

#okay uhhhh heres the actual first chapter #joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello #joe mazzello fanfic #john deacon x reader

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