#this may be my last post on this video/topic for now

[pokotate-mc]

song of the spiral

these are the clips I recorded for backgroun music on my "song of the spiral" video. use the popout player for some music while you scroll, or take a break and listen for a bit.

while trying to decide which note blcok instrument to use for the background music, I discovered how nice note blocks sound when doubled with packed ice + gold blocks. it creates the perfect sound for a pensive mood.

the background music, in theme with the video topic, is also derived from the fibonacci sequence (and lucas sequence) using the same conversion framework.

full video here

[threeacttragedy]

Entry 5 – The One About the Distorted Phone Screen that Sent Half the Fandom into the Ocean

I had no intention of writing about last week’s phone screen debacle, mainly because I found it obnoxious and a smidge infuriating. Not because I believed Jake to be on the phone screen but because people were SO QUICK TO BELIEVE it was Jake on the phone screen.

Honestly, I didn’t even need to see the “cleaned up” version of the picture because I would have sworn then – and would still swear now – it was Luke on the screen. White guy, dark hair, left hand touching his face (or, as it’s been suggested, removing sunglasses), signaling to me that the person in the photograph was left hand dominant. Add that in with all the information Luke and Nicola have laid out before us over the past three months (and, honestly, probably even before that) and there is no other answer: it’s Luke. The end, right? Nope, not even close. Like I mentioned in yesterday’s blog, we’re not allowed to have nice things.

The image comes from a video of Golda giving Nicola her WOTY award. People started taking screen grabs and dropping it into apps that claimed to clean up blurry images.

*Fun fact – I did this once to the picture of Nicola on the boat in Malta. I used three separate apps, in fact, and each time I got this frightening image of Nicola back. Do you remember the scene in Shrek where he picked up a frog and blew it into a balloon for Fiona? The frog’s eyes protruded out and his face was all puckered. That’s what I got back from these apps – a bulging-eyed monstrosity that looked nothing like Nicola. It was froggin’ weird (my Colin-Dad joke of the day), especially since, in the original image, you couldn’t even see her eyes as she appeared to be looking down at her phone.

Okay, back to what I was blabbing about…

People started adjusting the lighting on the screen grab of Nicola’s phone to extreme levels. And, there were even rumors flying around that people had superimposed Jake’s face on to the image and sent it out into the black abyss that is social media. I think I saw six different versions of the image within the first four hours of it dropping on X.

But, guess what, each time, I still saw Luke. Well, I take that back. One time, I swear I saw Johnny Bailey, which, if that had been true, I would have given Nicola a huge round of applause for being so hilariously catty about it all.

My advice, if you want to see the picture, pull it yourself. Go to YouTube, take a screen grab of it, and figure it out on your own. Do not put it through an app and don’t play with the lighting so much that it distorts the image. You may have noticed that I did not repost any of those images here. That was intentional. Form your own opinion about it.

Now that we have that out of the way – the part about me believing it was Luke on the phone screen and me suggesting you form your own opinion about it – I’ll move on to why I decided to write about this topic today.

It was because Luke did something yesterday that piqued my interest.

It wasn’t anything necessarily out of the ordinary. But, it also kind of was.

Simone Ashley posted to her grid yesterday a series of photographs. There’s nothing special here; she’s a beautiful woman putting her lovely image out into this world. It was the last picture in this slide deck that left me intrigued, though. It’s a picture of Simone – but, at the bottom left of the image, is a damn phone screen. Initially, I was a little confused by the image on the phone screen because it appeared to be Simone’s hands but also not Simone’s hands. What it was, is that the angle of the phone made the angle in which the image was depicted slightly different. Why not crop that phone out of it? Or, use a different image? Okay, whatever. I’m not sure I would have thought much of it – except Luke liked the post.

Why would this activate my little grey cells? Because it’s the first post of Simone’s in over a year that he has liked without Nicola also liking it. All throughout 2024, Luke has only liked the posts also liked by Nicola. Now, Nicola could very easily come back and like this post today or tomorrow or a week from now. She does like Simone’s posts frequently and, by Simone’s own words, Nicola and Simone are close. But, remember what I mentioned the other day. It’s the little changes that make people start giving the side eye. When taken collectively, Simone’s post, Luke’s like on the post, and the recent phone screen debacle seem, well, fucking connected in a damn funny way.

Kinda? Maybe?

I swear, I’m becoming one of those people who now plays Six Degrees to Lukola. What have I become?!

But, hey, let’s keep playing this game because, you have to admit, it IS kind of fun to speculate.

On November 10, Netflix UK dropped a post to its grid captioned “ME AND WHO???? [red heart]” The first slide in the deck is of Colin and Penelope’s wedding kiss – the one where Luke had his eyes open – and there is a red heart drawn between their chests (awe, their hearts). The remaining seven slides also include kissing couples but the red heart is drawn around their heads. The Luke and Nicola (like how I used Luke and Nicola, not Colin and Penelope this time?) picture stands out in this deck. It’s the first slide and the red heart is different than the others. And, what about that caption: “ME AND WHO????” Well, it's definitely NOT Nicola and Jake.

Is it a bit too far down the Delulu Rabbit Hole to believe Netflix would be in on a dig about “Who’s on Nicola’s phone screen?”

Perhaps.

But, remember this is also the same parent company that dropped “Nicola and Luke’s Cutest Moments” on August 28 (via Bridgerton Netflix IG), right smack dab in the middle of the Jake Festival Pap Disaster. Do you remember that? The fandom was bouncing all over the place. New festival pictures of Nicola and Jake had dropped the day before. Shondaland had also dropped a “Friends to Lovers” story that seemed oddly like Luke and Nicola. Melissa Dezarate dropped old Luke and Nicola pictures on her IG stories. Then, on August 28, Bridgerton Netflix dropped its “Cutest Moments,” and Melissa Dezarate shared more Luke and Nicola pictures on her IG stories. The “Cutest Moments,” pretty much entirely on its own (the rest was just extra frosting), turned our day right side up again. I salute you, Netflix.

Are we burrowing deeper into the Rabbit Hole? Meh. Let’s keep going.

Also on November 10, we had Dougie posting a mirror / elevator selfie to his grid with the caption, “I know it’s out of focus don’t tell me that.” Maybe he means something, maybe he doesn’t. Any ways, Jake liked this post. Now, I will admit, in the beginning of this Jake Side Story Extravaganza, I wasn’t keen on Dougie. He seemed aggressive on X – especially after those New York pap pictures dropped – but then I realized that his annoyance might be due to the narratives being spread about Jake, i.e., that he was being “hard launched” with Nicola. Recall that within a few hours of the Jake London Pap Disaster, Dougie posted to his stories an image of Jake looking at his phone with the “Mike/Sully Face Swap” meme superimposed over Jake’s face. If you research what this meme means, you’ll find that it is similar to a face-palm reaction or used for “overly ironic situations that leave you confused and perplexed.” Kind of funny, right? You’re welcome to take Dougie however you please, but over the past few weeks, I’ve become rather fond of him. He seems like a mischievous bloke, which is right up my alley.

I always have this feeling that the USS Lukola is surrounded by people who, after the ship hits a rogue wave, help to steer it back on course. The “people” come in the form of Nicola and Luke; cast, crew and friends; interviewers with their old edited-out snippets; and Netflix & Co. I’m sure I’m failing to name someone.

I shall wrap this post up with a quote from Jonathan Van Ness – who, by the way, is one of the most entertainingly funny and intelligent humans to watch. Earlier this week, JVN posted to his IG stories and Tiktok about “bobs.” With JVN, I never really know if he is being serious with what he puts out there or if we’re expected to read between the lines. Regardless, his comment was impactful to me:

“All this shit is just someone on Tiktok decided this was going to be the new name and tried to make that a trend. And that’s cool and that’s great and I love that. I just don’t want y’all getting confused. You know what I’m saying? This is just another variation of a bob.”

Take that as you please.

[the-witty-pen-name]

Video Girl

Modern AU

Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Youtuber!F!Reader

Summary: Eddie stumbled across your YouTube channel when you posted a review about Corroded Coffin’s newest album. Now, he’s binged all your videos and your channel has become his “comfort channel” that he has on all the time while he’s feeling lonely on tour. When they’re invited to perform at a convention he wonders if he’ll finally get the chance to meet you.

Word Count: 7.5k

Warnings: pining; fluff; angst; cyber-bulling/mean comments directed towards reader; kissing; slowish burn; eddie absolutely down bad; substance use; cursing

A/N: he convention is essentially VidCon- I’ve never been to VidCon or any other type of convention before. I have no idea what I’m really talking about but this is like my best guess as an outsider as to how conventions like these may look? Sorry in advance. I really loved the idea of the reader being a content creator but I don’t know the details on how being a creator at a con would work haha I did my best. 

Eddie falls asleep every night to the sound of your voice. 

When the tour bus is driving overnight as they head to the next city, he rests his phone on the wall of his bunk, watching YouTube videos with the volume low as he tries to drift off. One of your videos had played as a recommendation automatically and he was too tired to turn off his phone. He laid on his stomach, too tired to move but still not fully asleep. 

“Hey everyone,” you smiled, offering a wave to your video's viewers. “I’m really excited for this video- it’s been literally requested non-stop since my last Corroded Coffin video-”

The mention of the band, makes his ears perk and he opens his eyes again- suddenly not as tired as he just was a second ago. You’re holding up a copy of the band’s newest vinyl and talking about how this video will be your live reaction to listening to it for the first time. 

Eddie usually doesn’t watch or pay attention to reviewers- he doesn’t really care for typical critics. However, he just ended up watching it. He smiles to himself as you excitedly tear the plastic to open your vinyl, and you show your viewers a tour of the record sleeve, the photos inside, everything visual. You beam excitedly at the included square posters and the book with the lyrics. You hold up one of the posters. 

“Literally the hottest guy I think I’ve ever seen,” You smile bashfully, the poster showing Eddie playing his guitar at one of their shows. Eddie can’t help but blush. “You guys already know, Eddie Munson is my celebrity crush- has been for like years… ever since the EP came out like what? 6 years ago? He’s gorgeous. Anyways…” You get back on topic, focusing on talking about the visuals and the album's concepts. You provide your own opinions and interpretations and Eddie can’t help but just really appreciate how much you appreciate all of the effort the band put into every aspect of the album. 

Eddie can’t help as his whole chest swells with pride with each of your reactions. You practically jump out of your seat with excitement at the riffs, the way you head bang to the drum solos, the way you pause and take your time to absorb lyrics. It’s so endearing. He’s smiling to himself as you go on excitedly. 

From that moment, he watched everything you posted. Your channel was a bit eclectic- album reviews, gaming, vlogs… he watched everything. Your vlogs were probably his favorite. When he’s in his bunk winding down, it kind of feels like being on FaceTime with a friend. He loves watching just the normalcy of your life compared to his. Sometimes, his heart aches for simplicity like that. He can picture himself there, sitting with you in your car after you went through the drive through, taking you to the bookstore, helping you cook. He wishes he could have something like that. 

“Holy shit guys,” you smile, you cover your face with your free hand while you hold your phone. Using his burner account, Eddie is watching your most recent TikTok that’s been reposted to your Instagram story. You show a paparazzi photo that’s been taken of Eddie recently, you zoom in and show that under his flannel and his jacket, he’s wearing your merch. “Eddie Fucking Munson is wearing my merch! My merch! Shit, this can’t be real. That’s my shirt!” 

Eddie recognizes where that photo was taken almost immediately. He’s walking out of the hotel they stayed in last weekend after their shows in Toronto. He and the other guys were leaving out the back entrance, thinking they’d be safe from view. Of course, there was a pap with a long lens. 

He’d been up all night, and he looked like it. His hair was even more unruly than usual, he was sporting dark under eyes, and he was wearing the clothes he went to bed in- old sweats and your shirt. He was embarrassed to have a photo of him like that circling around the internet. No matter how often it happens, he can never get used to it. It always sucks. 

But right now, you are so happy and it’s all Eddie can focus on. You’re smiling so wide, and he’s the reason for it. Your eyes are big with excitement and it’s like your joy is jumping off his phone screen directly into his chest. He couldn’t even care less about the picture now, or how he looks. It doesn’t matter. He’s just happy watching you be happy. All of his initial worries just melt away as you talk to the camera. 

“I can’t even wrap my head around that one- Eddie Munson knows I exist. And two, he’s watched my videos? Jesus Christ, I don’t know if I’m more excited or embarrassed,” you flush. Eddie chuckles. He likes the story and puts his phone down so he can focus. Later on, the same warm feelings bubble up again when he sees that you tweeted that since that photo began to circulate, you’ve gained thousands of new followers and that your tshirt completely sold out on your site. You tweet at him directly thanking him. He screenshots it. 

Eddie originally wasn’t thrilled about the band going to perform at a convention right in the middle of their break on the tour. A beautiful month of doing nothing now suddenly interrupted. However, when you post that you’re going- he doesn’t mind so much anymore. 

Apprehension clouds his mind once he starts to think about it too much. You’ll probably think he’s a freak- some creepy stalker if he ever admits to you how much he watches your content. Despite you saying many times that he’s your celebrity crush, he can’t imagine living up to any sort of idea of him that you have in your head. He’ll fall short, you’ll reject him, and he’ll never be able to live it down. It’ll break him. 

You’re a nervous wreck as you look over the schedule- your eyes narrowing on the line-up of live performances. How in the hell did the convention center manage to book Corroded Coffin? You haven’t been able to think about anything except Eddie Munson since your friend had sent you that photo. Your mind races with questions. You want to know how many videos he’s seen- has he seen the ones where you essentially make a fool of yourself talking about him? Does he even know who you are or is it someone else’s shirt? Is he a subscriber? You can’t even fathom that you exist in the timeline where one of the biggest stars on the rise in some capacity knew of your existence.You can’t even think straight. 

Fans are screaming outside the convention center as the band arrives in a large black SUV. Eddie’s palms are sweating, and he is more nervous than he thought he’d be. The anxious feeling he’s experiencing has nothing to do with the crowd, the cameras, the performance- it’s all because of you. Looking at the building they will shortly be escorted into, all he can think about is how you’re here- after the months of pining from behind the security of his phone, he’s going to be at the same place as you. He can’t let the opportunity to meet you pass him by. 

Jeff and Gareth shove him to pay attention when he doesn’t look up from his phone when the car finally stops. They exchange a knowing look that Eddie deos his best to ignore. He got wrapped up in photos of you- watching your story as you post selfies with your friends as you’re walking around the convention center. Your smile is infectious to him. He resolved a while ago it was the prettiest he’s ever seen, coming to terms with the fact that he's helplessly smitten. He tucks  his phone securely into the pocket of his jeans, and follows quickly behind his bandmates as they are ushered into the building safely. 

“Corroded Coffin just got here,” your friend squeals, as she shows you a livestream someone is taking from outside. You watch Eddie on the screen as he quickly walks into the building. He’s wearing the goddamn shirt again. Your face feels overwhelmingly hot as this begins to feel all too real. He waves to fans with a goofy, wide smile- sticking out his tongue and throwing up the devil’s horns with one of his hands. You watch his laughter and it makes your heart ache. 

He looks good. You’d think he’d look silly with the pink shirt but he looks so undeniably hot. He’s wearing black ripped jeans, heavy boots, and your baby pink shirt with the sleeves cuffed accentuating his tattoos. Your channel’s name is splayed across the expanse of his chest and you swear you short circuit. It’s only then that you fully allow yourself to admit that Eddie Munson not only knows that you exist- and he’s a fan. 

Your friends chatter excitedly, freaking out about the situation- because duh. Who wouldn’t be? You can’t even think because your heart is beating so incredibly loud and fast, and adrenaline is making your head throb. It’s a sensory overload, and you feel like you can’t wrap your head around it. You physically shake your head to try to subside the feeling. You needed to be on- you had to finish setting up your booth, be ready to meet people who subscribed to you. You couldn’t let yourself get bogged down by this, at least not yet. 

You hurried to get your table ready- tablecloth with your logo displayed on the front, merch folded into neat piles, your business cards in a small tray. Your channel name was displayed on a banner behind you that you had made to match. Your friends helped you set up the portable POS system as you set up a rack that you filled with your stickers. You didn’t really care if people bought anything, you were just excited to meet the people you’ve interacted with online since you started your channel. 

Understandably, a lot of people who approached your table immediately started asking you about Eddie. It was a lot of the same questions over and over but you didn’t mind that so much. They all had asked the same things you had been asking yourself- and you wanted to know the answers as badly as they seemed to. 

“No, no. I haven’t met him.”

“No, I didn’t know he watched my videos.”

“Yeah, it’s really crazy.”

“No, I didn’t send PR.”

“Yeah, no. I didn’t pay him to wear it.” 

Eddie anxiously shook his leg, trying to figure out if he could sneak away. Unfortunately, most instances- it feels like his time isn’t his own. He wishes he could just walk around with Jeff and Gareth, but there’s no way to safely do that. Everything needs to be planned out, timed out and they always need security. He doesn’t want to complain- it’s that everything needs to be a thing. He can’t just go up and talk to a girl. He needs to tell his security, who also needs to coordinate with the building security. It needs to be added to the timeline of the day. Before he knows it, there’s like fifteen moving pieces that need to be put in place so he can walk up to you. 

He knows it’s easier to just ask for you to be brought to him. He feels like that’s cheating. He’s the fan- he’s the one wanting the experience of meeting you. It makes him feel icky- sending buff intimidating security guys to ask you to follow them blindly- taking you away from the fun and people just so he can say hello? Makes him feel like he’d look like a douchebag. He understands it needs to be you in your world- he doesn’t want you to be the one who feels out of place. But then on the other hand, he’s drawing all this attention towards him and inadvertently to you if he does this. He worries about the scene he’s inevitably going to cause and he hopes you don’t resent him for it. 

It’s towards the end of day one. Most attendees are making their way over to the auditorium for some of the other live performances. Since Eddie figured most people would be heading to that while the vendors were getting ready to partially break down their booths, it might be the perfect time to walk around. It ended up working out more perfectly than Eddie would have hoped. 

Jeff and Gareth wanted to check out the other acts that were performing, so they went to go watch the concert. Eddie was able to walk around the near empty convention halls with his head of security following a couple of steps behind. He can see you in the distance. He feels warmth bubble up as he just observes your actions briefly from a short distance.

You’re packing up your merchandise and putting them into boxes, tucking them under your table to keep it out of the way until tomorrow. Three teenage girls cautiously approach you and you immediately stop everything to offer each of them a hug. You smile and chat with them- taking your time to ask them questions and thank them for talking to you. You ask them if you can take a picture with them and they nod enthusiastically. You wrap your arms around them like you’ve known them forever as your friend offers to take the picture. You hug them all again, sincerely thanking them for coming over to talk to you. 

Without needing him to ask, his security lets him approach you on his own. He stands far enough back that Eddie can feel independent but still close enough he can jump in if he needs to interfere. Eddie’s been racking his brain all day for the best thing to say to you when he finally gets to meet you. Of course, he has nothing. He’s so nervous and he’s praying to God that you won’t be able to tell. 

“Hey,” he says shyly as he approaches. He walks with his hands stuffed in his back pockets. 

Your eyes widen in surprise, though you guess you shouldn’t be that surprised. You try your best to play it cool, but you're not sure you’re pulling it off well at all. 

“Nice shirt,” you comment, with a smile. 

“I’m Eddie,” he introduces himself. He’s so shy, not at all like how you'd expect him to be. You can’t help but find it endearing. You introduce yourself too. 

“I, uh, I just wanted to tell you that I love you videos,” he compliments bashfully. “I think I’ve seen them all- I’m a big fan.” 

“Thank you- um, same. I mean, I’m a big fan of yours too. Not of myself, obviously,” you ramble, “Your music! Not videos, but yes- I also love your music videos…” 

“Thanks,” he replies, and you’re relieved to be cut off before you embarrass yourself further. “Listen, um, I wanted to ask- could we get a picture together?”

You straighten your posture and nod enthusiastically. “Oh, yeah- of course,” you reply. You go to smooth out your hair, and tug at the hem of your shirt. 

“You look great,” he insists and you feel flush at his compliments. You feel giddy, as he casually wraps his arm around your shoulders. He holds up his phone, making sure you're both in frame. You both smile and he snaps a picture of the two of you. 

“Do- do you mind sending it to me?” You ask. 

“Here,” he offers his phone to you, “Do you want to just send it to yourself?” You’re stunned. He’s trusting you with his phone? You text the selfie to yourself, and hand it back. 

“Thanks,” you smile. 

“Are you going to the concert?” He asks, “I was going to meet Jeff and Gareth… do you want to come with me?”

“My friends are waiting for me..,” you say, and you’re a little disappointed to have to say no to him. “We’re supposed to meet up there actually.” 

“Well, you can just have them meet us at the box if you want,” he shrugs nonchalantly. He hears his security sigh but he couldn’t care less. 

“If that won’t be too much trouble,” you insist. He shrugs it off. 

“Nah, don’t even worry about it,” he’s doing his best to be nonchalant. “What do you think?” He asks hopefully. 

“Yeah! I’ll text them, they’ll freak out,” you smile. You lean over to the security guy. “In like a normal way, they are harmless. The worst thing they’ll be is maybe loud. I swear.” 

The man offers a closed lip smile and nods. 

*** 

“It was just hanging out,” Eddie argues exhausted. He slumped in his seat and crossed his arms. The band’s publicist scoffs, pushing her phone across the table. 

“No, it’s not,” she chastises, “first, you wear the shirt. The pink tshirt was great- did wonderful; the public really liked it. But, then you wear this shirt again at a public event where it was confirmed this person would be in attendance. Then, you’re photographed with this girl and you didn’t think there’d be speculation? You’ve essentially confirmed a relationship.” 

“Wearing a fucking tshirt and posting a selfie confirms a relationship?” He retorts. 

“Not in normal circumstances, but you already know that there’s never normal circumstances.” 

“We’re not together.” 

“Eddie, this isn’t about lecturing you. Stop acting like a spoiled little kid. This isn’t about you- this is about everything you’ve built and accomplished; your band mates and their careers. It’s about all the people you employ. You can sit here and act like your actions don’t have consequences- and this isn’t about whether or not she’s a good person, or if you are or aren’t dating- it’s about thinking about the impact you have and why it’s so important to think about and plan these things.” 

“Literally no one would have anything to worry about. Her reputation is spotless, she does charity fundraisers, she makes YouTube videos about Stardew Valley for Christsake.”

“This time? Sure, but this isn’t the first time you’ve been reckless Eddie. You can’t deny you’ve done worse- this is just the newest thing.” 

“Jesus…”

“It’s better for optics when the three of you appear single.” 

“What the hell? We aren’t even dating! We hung out once.” 

“Eddie…”

“You’re telling me that people lose their jobs and no one buys our albums if I go out on a date?” 

“It’s gradual Eddie..  have you even given any thought on how this is going to affect her? The microscope you put her under? The swarm of crazed fans, angry and jealous and spiteful that it’s not them… you’ve sent the poor girl out to slaughter.” 

He recoils, shrinking further into the chair. Had it been that selfish and thoughtless? He didn’t imagine anything this upsetting could happen. He does feel like shit now- he didn’t think about how this attention would affect you. Maybe he had been blinded by his own infatuation. It’s not fair to you. He wanted to see you again, but maybe now he thinks he shouldn’t. You were so sweet, he thinks back on that day. He couldn’t imagine anyone hating you, or wanting to inflict that kind of pain his publicist is talking about. 

He looks at the pictures she’s trying to show him. The both of you chatting near her table- obviously taken from a distance and zoomed in. He’s blushing looking at you- of course he was. You’re both smiling, looking at each other and not paying attention to anything else. Then, photos taken of the concert. Sitting next to each other, legs brushed up against each other as you chat- completely ignoring the show. He’s leaning in close so he can hear you speak. Then, you’re standing next to each other, cheering and clapping for the performance. Well, more so that you’re applauding the artist, and Eddie is standing next to you- looking at you like a lovesick idiot. It’s painfully obvious that he’s into you. Now, he’s more worried if you picked up on that than anything else. And if he wasn’t anymore obvious in his body language, just to really drive the point home- he was wearing the pink t-shirt on top of everything else. 

“This is just the one post ET made about it,” she says, opening the comment section for him. “Look at the comments- this was posted an hour ago.” 

He can do much better kind of sad actually 

Mid 

She is so annoying

They both make me sick 

She’s not even that pretty 

Who even is she gross 

Why is she even there

It's obvious she’s just using him to grow her channel 

Eddie blink twice if you need help

Clout chaser 

Hundreds of comments like that kept pouring in. Of course, for every negative comment there were hundreds of positive- but Eddie couldn’t help but focus on the hateful things people were saying about you. He wanted to reply to every one of them and defend you. Who were these faceless, nameless assholes with nothing better to do? 

***

You had posted a vlog about your experience at the convention- completely leaving Eddie or anything Corroded Coffin out. You shared videos of you meeting subscribers, and you meeting your favorite creators. You shared fun videos of your friends and you trying the convention center food. However, as you should’ve expected, all of the comments were about Eddie. On your little corner of the internet, your following was overwhelmingly positive and supportive. Occasionally, you saw a comment that was obviously left by someone who sought out your channel after the pictures were posted- but otherwise, you were fine. 

You figured you’d be better off not to go looking for the negativity because you knew for sure you’d find it. Blocking and deleting is very easy to do, you decided a long time ago when you started your channel. You’re used to the occasional hate comment, and you haven’t checked your social media notifications on other platforms in so long. You were impressing yourself with how you’d handled the situation honestly. You figured you’d just stay offline for a few days and everything would mellow and go back to normal. You grossly underestimated the persistent attention that would soon hit you. 

When you tried to live stream for your most recent let’s play, you ended up deciding to end the stream way earlier than you usually would. You anticipated people joining to ask about Eddie or ask about the photos, but you underestimated the influx of viewers you’d receive. Your moderators weren’t able to keep up and the stream was completely overrun with spam comments and hate. You usually stream for a few hours but this happened about a half an hour into your live, and you decided to shut it down. You needed to regroup. You were startled- it was unexpected to say the least. You weren’t sure where to go from here. Almost immediately after you ended the live stream, you got a text. 

You okay?

Eddie had been watching? 

Yeah, I’m okay. That was just a lot. I didn’t know what to do. 

I’m sorry. It’s my fault. 

Nothing is your fault. You don’t need to apologize. I appreciate you checking in.

Of course sweetheart 

Sweetheart? You could squeal- just collapse on your bed and kick your feet. You wanted to just scream into your pillow. It was like that one text canceled out all the bullshit you just had to deal with. Thousands of people can comment that they hate you all day long, but you are the one he’s texting. You're the one he just called sweetheart. 

While you’re trying to decide how to respond, your phone begins to vibrate. He’s calling you. Your heart leaps and your stomach excitedly ties itself in knots. You hadn’t spoken to him since a couple of weeks ago at the convention. You gathered the courage to answer right before the call would get sent to voicemail. 

“Hey,” you answer, trying to sound casual. 

“Hey,” he replies. 

Eddie’s on the tour bus- he’s in another time zone that’s a few hours ahead of yours. He can hear Jeff snoring in the bunk under his and he’s sure Gareth must also be asleep. He pulled the draw curtain to muffle his talking, but he still wants to keep his voice down. 

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” He asked. “How are you holding up?” He winces. He hates that this is a thing. He resents that something like this would happen to you and he feels incredibly guilty. He did this to you, and you never asked for it. 

“I’m good- really,” you insist. “I’m just logging off. I think I just want to deal with it all tomorrow.” 

“I wanted to call you way sooner than this,” he admits, scratching the back of his neck nervously before he starts to lay down. “I’m sorry I didn’t- I really wanted to, but I don’t know- I sort of convinced myself you’d want nothing to do with me after all of this press and attention.”

“I do feel like I’m under a microscope a little bit,” you giggle, “But that has nothing to do with you. I was hoping you’d call. I’m glad you did.” 

“Our publicist isn’t too happy with me,” he explains. “Nothing to do with you-” he quickly makes sure to explain, “She just likes to plan out everything and she gets mad when I go rogue.” 

“So it was a publicity stunt?” You gasp, faking shock. “I’m kidding,” you reassure him and you smile when you hear him laugh. 

“Trust me, it was the complete opposite,” he reiterates. “Listen,” he takes a deep breath, “I really want to see you again.”

“I’d really like that.”

“Good,” he replies, and he punches the air victoriously for no one but himself. “What are you doing next weekend?”

“I’m not doing anything,” you say teasingly, “but aren’t you playing like back to back shows in Indianapolis?” 

“Fly out and meet me,” he proposes, “Come to a show and we can hang out after. We’re playing Thursday, Friday, Saturday- come to the Saturday show. Bring your friends if you want- there’s probably going to be an afterparty of some sort. Be my date. If you still can tolerate me after that, we can hang out on Sunday and do the whole like real date thing- I know this great breakfast place…” 

You bite your lip, of course you want to say yes. What girl wouldn’t? The guy whose poster is literally on your wall is calling you and wanting to whisk you away for a weekend. 

“Are you okay being seen with me?” you ask hesitantly, “Are we adding fuel to the fire, if we do this?”

“I guess so,” Eddie sighs, “but to be entirely honest- I don’t give a shit at all what people are going to say. I just care about you- I want to get to know you and see where this goes. That’s all that matters.” 

“I’ve liked you for a really long time,” he goes on to confess, “Listen, I’ve had like a really stupidly big embarrassing crush on you since like the first time I saw one of your videos. I don’t need any convincing- I know I want this. But like weird parasocial, celebrity crush feelings aside, I started to like you even more after I met you. To me, seeing if this goes anywhere is worth it. I don’t mind putting up with the attention if I get to spend more time with you.” 

“But,” he continues, “I know it’s asking a lot of you- and I know this isn’t easy. And you have to deal with so much added pressure. I fully signed up for the paparazzi and the crazy fans, it comes with doing what I love. I signed on that dotted line a while ago. I gave up my privacy and my anonymity, you know? You don’t have to be a part of that- it’s too much of me to ask of anyone.” 

“Can I think about it?” You ask and you bite your lip.

“Of course, sweetheart,” he reassures you, and you're so happy to hear he doesn’t sound upset or disappointed. You can tell he’s being genuine at putting your comfort first. “Here’s what I’m gonna do, text me your email if you’re okay with that- I’ll send you the plane tickets.”

“I can-”

“Nope. It’s my insane idea for a first date- I’m asking you out, so I pay,” he insists. “Look, if you decide not to use them, I’ll make sure it’s taken care of. Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of everything. Please don’t feel like you have to use them, I know this is a big ask. It’s ridiculous. But I think you’re worth it.”

“I will think about it,” you say sincerely, “I don’t want to rush into anything. I just need a bit of time.”

“You can have all the time you need, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere until you say the word.” 

***

Eddie has resolved that you aren’t coming to the show tonight. He hasn’t heard from you since that phone call, and he’s realized he probably scared you away. He knows he can be dramatic, and he falls into things too quickly, and he’s convinced he’s ruined his chances with you. He’s heartbroken. 

But the show must go on. 

Despite feeling completely devastated, he still gives the show his all. No one would tell he was going through something to look at him. He was giving all his energy, giving the crowd back exactly what they were giving him. He could do it. 

You kept telling yourself over and over again to just play it cool. You tried not to lose it in the back of the Uber in bumper to bumper traffic. You watched the numbers crawl by minute by minute on your phone, knowing which song in the setlist you were missing next. You worried when the venue security questioned the legitimacy of your passes, questioning you until you felt dizzy. You finally made it as the band was finishing up one of your favorites. So relieved you made it before the end, you couldn’t find it in you to care that you missed it. You hung back, and followed the instructions of the tech crew carefully so you wouldn’t be in the way. You let yourself take a deep breath. You made it. 

“Miss, do you mind waiting in the dressing room after this song?” Someone asked you, “The show’s finale has some flames and other large visual effects. It’s a liability to have you back here.” 

Understanding, you nod and you promise to make your way there. As the song finished up, another crew member found you and brought you to a security guard, who then escorted you to a room with “TALENT” marked in bold on the door- a piece of plain paper with CORRODED COFFIN taped underneath. He held the door open for you and you thanked him, walking inside. 

You felt very out of place, amongst Eddie, Gareth and Jeff’s things without them there. You were apprehensive and took a few minutes to find a space where you felt comfortable. Obviously, they weren’t expecting anyone. Clothes were strewn about haphazardly, stage makeup still left open and messy on the rooms vanity, their duffel bags thrown messily on the floor. It felt like a piece of their world you weren’t supposed to see. A TV mounted to the wall was playing the show, so you took a seat on the uncomfortable couch and watched the rest of the concert. 

You tried to practice how you’d be sitting when Eddie walked in. You didn’t want to be slouched but you also didn’t want to look too forced. You opted to just sit with your legs crossed- casual but not too casual that you felt frumpy. 

For their final exit, the band was lowered under the stage. Crawling out from underneath the mechanics, Eddie hoped maybe he’d see you there waiting for him. His face fell after the high of being on stage when he realized he got his hopes up again. Jeff patted him on the back, not needing to even ask to know why Eddie was clearly upset. 

“Come on,” Gareth said encouragingly, passing him a bottle of water. Eddie nods his head as a thank you, and the three of them begin to make their way back to the dressing room, thanking staff for helping as they see them.

When Jeff is the first one in the door, he offers you a wide, knowing smile. You move to stand up and say hello when Eddie sees you. 

“You’re here,” he marvels.

“I’m sorry I was late,” you apologize, “I was stuck in the traffic outside forever and then when I got here they asked me to wait here-” 

Eddie strides over and envelops you into a crushing hug. You were tense but your body immediately relaxed. You hug him back, not caring about how sweaty he is from just being on stage. 

“I’m happy you’re here,” he mumbles into your hair before pulling away. 

“Me too,” you agree.

“I wasn’t sure if you were coming,” he whispers, afraid the guys would hear and make fun of him for sounding so desperate. 

“Me either,” you giggle. It makes him smile again. His grin expands from ear to ear and all of a sudden, every little sadness he felt all night just evaporated. 

“We’re going to the wrap party,” Jeff interjects, pushing Gareth out the door with him. “We’ll see you guys over there.” 

“Wrap party?” You ask, intrigued. 

“Yeah, like the crew and everyone at this like after party thing,” he explains. “Should be kinda cool if you want to check it out.” 

“I’d like that.”

*** 

The music is blaring; the bass pulsing throughout your entire body and it makes your ears feel like they’d pop. Hundreds of people were crammed up against one another, and the smoke from a variety of substances wafted throughout the bar. Eddie held your hand, helping guide you through the hoards of people. He offered a head nod to people as you both passed- no one would hear him talk anyways. 

You travel up a few mezzanine levels until you’re both further away from the chaos. You can look down and see the crowded dance floor, but you are much more content with this calmer atmosphere. Leather couches and coffee tables adorn this floor of the club. Another bar is situated in the corner, with a line much, much shorter than the ones downstairs. You start to realize this is some sort of private area or VIP lounge of some kind. You see security positioned in all corners as the guard which led you and Eddie here takes his new position against the wall near the bar. 

“This is pretty much all crew, producers, management people, friends,” Eddie explains, “Just people who are close to us, you know?”

You spot Jeff and Gareth on one of the couches, in the midst of a heated discussion with another person you don’t recognize. Gareth almost spills his drink as he’s frantically using his hands to make a point, while Jeff is sitting with his back to him- talking to a girl who is seated on the arm of the couch. 

“MUNSON!” A voice booms over the chatter. Eddie looks to the direction of the voice. You watch his eyes light up, unapologetically happy. He drops your hand and you see him bolt to the person. 

“Harrington, you motherfucker!” Eddie exclaims, pulling the other guy into a big hug. “Shit,” he pulls away quickly, and returns back to you. With his hand on your back, he gently guides you over to the spot of the reunion. “Steve Harrington,” he introduces. Steve shakes your hand as you introduce yourself, and he smirks as he glances between you and Eddie. 

Eventually, Eddie introduces you to all of his hometown friends. They all attended the show- drove up from Eddie’s hometown to surprise him. Despite catching up with old friends, Eddie was so attentive to make sure you still felt included. He went out of his way to make sure you were introduced to everyone, and he bragged on your behalf about the success of your channel to everyone. He also made sure to fill you in if you got lost in the conversations. He’d explain the context of the inside jokes, tell you the bigger story that an anecdote was from… everything to pull you into his world, his real world. 

“We should get out of here and go to The Hideout,” Gareth said, “For old times sake.”

“I’m not abandoning top shelf shit for the skunky beer at The Hideout,” Steve scrunched his nose in disgust. 

“What’s The Hideout?” you ask Eddie as the group debates the next move. 

“A really, really, really shitty bar back home,” he whispers close to your ear. “It was where we used to play when we were just starting. It was actually awful,” he chuckles, reminiscing. “We’d play to practically no one on Tuesday nights at like 11pm.”

“You had the time of your life didn’t you?” you smile, knowingly. He nodded.

“Yeah, it was pretty fucking awesome,” he admits.

“Fine, not tonight,” Gareth concedes finally, “but we gotta get back there at some point.” 

“So,” Nancy says, changing the subject and turning to you. “Eddie didn’t tell us he had a girlfriend. We all had to find out on TMZ like the rest of the world. When did you guys meet?”

“Oh, um,” you begin, but Eddie places his arm around your shoulders. 

“This is our first date, actually,” he interjects, confidently. “So none of you assholes can say anything to make me look bad. I’m trying to impress her.” 

You bite your lip to hold back a smile. 

“So the whole t-shirt thing?” Nancy asks, directing her question to Eddie.

“My way of just trying to get her attention I guess,” he admits with a shrug, “Not that first picture though- I looked terrible. The second time though? Yeah, that was totally on purpose.”

Your face felt like it was on fire- you were overwhelmed with the way Eddie was so nonchalant. He was so honest, unabashedly so, with the way he spoke about his interest in you. You’d never experienced that type of attention, you didn’t know how to handle it. You don’t know how to play this game when he’s just put all his cards out on the table. There’s no guessing, no implications, no mind games- he just likes you. For the first time, in the craziest of circumstances, something you always found complicated is finally simple. 

He liked you. He pursued you. He got you. 

The drinks and the conversation continue to flow with ease. Eddie enjoyed sitting back and watching you fit in with his life. He loves the way it’s all just making sense. It’s like you’ve known his friends for years. You fit perfectly amongst them, and he just can’t help himself as he just admires you. He’s finding it so hard to play it cool, but he just wants to skip ahead to where this is routine. He wants you here, learning this side of him- engrossing yourself into his world. It just clicks and to him, it just all makes sense. 

When Jeff Gareth and him are inevitably pulled away to greet and talk with other people, he can’t help but keep checking back on you. He didn’t want to abandon you. He didn’t want to engage with anyone else here outside of the little circle he reluctantly had to leave. He should be paying attention to the names of these suits he’s meeting, but his mind is too preoccupied. He wants to just rush back to you, and intercept any embarrassing things he knows his friends are telling you. 

“I think you and Eddie seem really great together,” Steve discloses to you when the rest of the group is caught up in their own conversations. “He wears his heart on his sleeve,” Steve explains, “He’s not like how the tabloids and the news make him out to be. He’s always been misunderstood. I just uh- wanted to let you know that. He doesn’t do this, ever.”

Steve goes on to explain, “He’ll kill me for telling you this. But I haven’t heard Eddie talk about a girl since the whole band thing took off. You’d think he’d be like running wild and like getting all these girls- hell, that would be me. He’s very selective on who he invites in; he wouldn’t be doing all of this if he didn’t want this to go somewhere like for you two.” 

“I can tell he really likes you,” Steve continues, “I just wanted to make sure you know how good of a guy he is. In case you know, like, you had any doubts or anything. He’s not like that kind of guy. He’s probably the most sincere, loyal person ever- I just, you know, wanted to hype him up to you a little bit and vouch for him. And also just to ask you, to please not break his heart- don’t make him have false hope if you aren’t serious.”

You nod, understanding where Steve is coming from. 

“Back,” Eddie announces, jumping over the back of the couch to settle himself between you and Steve. “That was so fucking boring,” he jokes, wrapping his arm around you comfortably. “Best thing at this party is right here,” he gestures around the circle of his friends with the stem of his beer bottle, starting with Steve and working the neck around to you. He offers an incredibly cheesy grin and you laugh at his antics. You rest your head on his shoulder as he settles back into the group conversation, and you both miss how Steve smiles watching the two of you. 

***

The ride back to the hotel is quiet, Jeff and Gareth sit quietly on their phones in the middle row of the large car while you're cuddled into Eddie’s side in the far back row. Eddie doesn’t dare move, too terrified that he’ll wake you up. Your head rests on his shoulder and your body is flush to his. He silently curses every pot hole and sharp turn begging that you stay like this for as long as possible. 

Thankfully, there doesn’t seem to be anyone waiting outside for them. The driver pulls around to the back door- the plan is to sneak you all in through the kitchen. The band’s body guard opens the car door. Gareth and Jeff climb out and scurry into the building quickly. Eddie softly nudges you awake. 

“Keep your hood up, sweetheart,” Eddie instructs as you pull your jacket tighter around you. You put your hood on your head and pull it down to cover your face- just in case. Eddie helps you out of the car- also with his hood on. “Head down, okay?” he whispers, and he guides you as you walk with your head down. 

You scurry through the kitchen and you use the elevator towards the back of the building to travel to the higher floors. 

Eddie arranged for one of the assistants to bring your bags here while you were out. He set you up in the room across the hall from him. He wanted to make sure you had your own space. When you get to the rooms, Gareth and Jeff disappear to their own rooms, offering very tired “goodnights.” Eddie walks you to your door.

“I had so much fun tonight,” you sleepily admit. “Thank you… thank you for trusting me.”

His eyes soften. He leans down and presses a kiss to your forehead. “Get some sleep,” he smiles, affectionately grazing your jaw with his thumb. You lean up and his heart skips when he watches your eyes linger- looking between his eyes and his lips. You press your lips to his and this delicate kiss feels like enough to make his entire body melt. 

It’s soft and perfect. A first kiss that you only see in the movies. Kissing you made Eddie feel like he’d never kissed anyone before. Nothing that came before amounted nearly as much as this. He feels like he’s in high school again all of a sudden. This, he decides, should have been his first kiss. Because none of them ever felt as good as this. He makes up his mind then and there, that you’re the only person he wants to kiss for the rest of his life. It’s a thought he won’t share until much further down the road.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

🎃 Twst Halloween PSA 🎃

*pulls up the Serious Talk Chair*

Alright, so.

In the wake of the new Halloween PV posted on the TWST JP social media accounts, there’s been an explosion of hype. However, something else you may have seen circulating is people saying, "I already knew about this weeks ago!" and/or claims of having knowledge of leaked characters and costumes. Some have even directly linked to videos or images of these leaks (including fully animated character sprites) in threads discussing the next Halloween event. I myself have been sent these videos and images multiple times, unprompted, over the last few days.

To make a long story short:

You should NOT be speaking about or sharing these leaks in a public setting.

By doing so, you are running the risk of spoiling people who may not want to know these things in advance. They never gave their consent to see that, and this consent shouldn’t be assumed. I’m extremely disappointed that my own experience has been this way. I wanted the chance to react live as the information was being released. Others may feel the same as me. Additionally, openly talking about leaks is may make things more difficult for us fans in the long run.

The only reason these leaks were let out so early is because TWST started uploading assets into the game much sooner than they would actually be implemented. This has allowed dataminers in the fandom to go in and look around to see what goodies might be in store for the future. However, if fans are going to just run around blurting out what all the secrets are, it may discourage the devs from continuing to do this in the future. It will make it that much more difficult for fans to extract high quality card images ASAP. It means assets may be kept under tighter lock and key to prevent this from happening again.

Don't believe me? Something similar happened with the Japanese TWST website. The team used to upload news about the next month's schedule early, but locked behind a random string of numbers. Fans brute-forced those numbers and always managed to find the schedule sooner than it was intended to be out. The number of posts made on the website has now dropped drastically and schedules are no longer released on there. While there's no proof that these events are related, there is a real concern among some dataminers that the very same could happen regarding in-game assets.

I realize that leaks are common nowadays, but please let us at least respect other fans' rights to experience the game in their own way while also minimizing the risk of consequences for the fandom. If you must discuss these leaks at all, do it in PRIVATE. You are allowed to be excited about what's coming, but please keep it to yourselves or to your own circles where it may be a more appropriate topic.

Do not ask or talk about the leaks in my inbox, DMs, or comments. Do not link me to or share any leaks. Wait until the information has been released on official TWST social media handles, THEN I would be more than happy to talk about the news with everyone. Those who disregard this request moving forward will have their message deleted and then be blocked.

Thank you—and with that, let’s return to our regularly scheduled show!

[yumeka-sxf]

2-year anniversary post

My blog is now 2-years old~!

After my last anniversary post, I had quite a list of projects planned; in addition to making posts for all the upcoming SxF content, like the movie, season 2, and the video game, I had other personal projects in mind as well. I wanted to start on my Japanese Linguistic Observations in Spy x Family series, which I was able to write five posts for as of now! (I've currently exhausted all the topics I wanted to discuss for that, but I may come up with more ideas later on). There was also the Spy x Family Character Tracker, which took me a while to get motivated to do, but once I did, I'm proud of how it turned out 😃 I also made a lot of scan posts this year too, like the workbooks and my series of miscellaneous collab scans.

But compared to my last anniversary, which was at a time when there was a lot of new SxF content on the horizon, we've been in a bit of a dry spell the past several months. Hype for the aforementioned movie, game, and anime season have died down, and merch and collabs have slowed as well, since there hasn't been new anime content to promote. But I consider it the calm before the storm, lol.

This is also why my posts have gotten a little less frequent lately - there hasn't been as much new SxF content in general besides the manga chapters, and as mentioned previously, I was able to check off the projects I had wanted to do. So as of now, I don't have much new content planned in the coming year besides continuing my Chronological Analysis on Twilight and Yor series when season 3 airs (still no release date yet, but I'm betting on spring of 2025). I'll also make posts for each anime episode like I did with season 2. And of course, I'll continue my manga chapter reviews, and make merch and scan posts when I can.

I've always tried to maintain a "quality over quantity," "only write when I have something to say," mentality for the blog. I don't want to force myself to write when I'm not motivated (this is also why I don't take part in community writing projects and the like). I also have other hobbies besides SxF, so I like to focus my limited free time on those when there isn't much going on in the SxF fandom. Occasionally I think to myself, "Hm, I haven't posted on Tumblr in a while," but if there isn't anything I feel like writing about at the time, it's better if I hold off rather than force myself to churn out something uninspiring.

But as I said, I feel like we're in a calm before the storm. Season 3 will already be exciting enough, but there's a good chance more content will follow. The next Jump Festa is scheduled for late December, and as usual, SxF will have a dedicated panel with the four Forger voice actors in attendance!

The movie and season 2 were announced at this event in 2022, so there's a good chance we'll get more juicy announcements this year! Even if not another movie, I'd be happy with more artbooks, collabs, and other things down the line! There's also a good chance an idea for another SxF project will inspire me and I'll start working on that. Who knows. But I do know SxF is still a popular series with many more years of content to produce! And I look forward to seeing, and blogging about, it all 😁

[eyeheartboobiez]

-> 𝗃𝖺𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗈𝖽𝖽 𝗑 𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

-> 𝗌𝗈𝖼𝗂𝖺𝗅 𝗆𝖾𝖽𝗂𝖺 𝖺𝗎!

-> 𝖺/𝗇: 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗂𝗌 𝗄𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝖺 𝗌𝖾𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖽 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍 𝗌𝗆𝖺𝗎 𝗂 𝗐𝗋𝗈𝗍𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖼𝖺𝗇 𝖻𝖾 𝖿𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽 𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾. 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗈𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗂 𝗋𝖾𝖿𝖾𝗋𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝖾𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖽 𝗁𝖺𝗅𝖿 𝗂𝗌 𝖺𝗋𝗂𝖺𝗇𝖺 𝗀𝗋𝖾𝗇𝖽𝖾'𝗌 𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗄𝖾𝖽 𝗌𝗈𝗇𝗀 "𝖿𝖺𝗇𝗍𝖺𝗌𝗂𝗓𝖾" 🫶🏿

liked by y/nforeal and 972,336 others

@rred_hood: gm yall

View all 9,112 comments

user1: never wanted to be a towel so bad

user2: so i see y/n liked his post… interesting

user3: y/n bro just take him atp

⤷ user4: sis never beating the dating allegations😭

user5: i need him in the worst way bro please

@bigdickgrayson: put a shirt on skank

⤷@rred_hood: a bit much coming from bludhaven’s resident whore

user6: idk why yall always so quick to jump to conclusions. all she did was like his damn post have some decorum guys🤦‍♀️

⤷user4: DICK RIDAAA🗣️🗣️

⤷user7: girl he is NAWT gonna pick you💀

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Y/N Y/LN's leaked music continues to give fans hints about her relationship status, completely against the artist's wishes (8/17/2022 3:27 PM PT)

Many listeners of the singer woke up to a great surprise this morning when an anonymous twitter account posted a link to one of Y/N Y/LN's unreleased songs.

For the past few months, fans have been speculating when the artist would release more music since having been in a rumored relationship with the proclaimed gotham elite, Jason Todd. The lyrics "Boys blowin' up my phone, They just ain't you" and "I'd give this pussy to you, nine-to-five, five-to-nine" give us a clear hint of what may be going on between the two, and fans were quick to catch on.

Much to the artist's dismay, however, the song’s chorus found it way over to tiktok with over 700,000 videos having used the audio already. Many users of the app have participated in a dance trend that has already seemed to be created.

Despite all the positive feedback directed towards the singer, Y/N was not hesitant to express her irritation for the invasion of privacy. After seeing the topic trending on twitter this morning, a post was made to her account stating:

@y/nforeal: Now who tf leaked my shit?? This why yall dont ever get any music outta me😐

After doing some digging, inside sources have come to the conclusion that Artemis Grace, singer and former girlfriend of Jason, played some part in unconsentually releasing the song. Even though the two artists work under the same record label, Artemis wouldn’t do something this crazy, right?

But to nobody’s surprise, it seems that the vengeful ex has a long history of being senseless. Jason has stated in the past that the main reason he ended things with her was because she liked to have constant "control" over him. In an interview last year, he made it very clear how unhappy he was with Artemis, saying:

"She was known for taking extreme measures to make sure I stayed tied down to her. I don't really wanna get into it, but she's always had an obsession with being in the star of things, and our relationship was no exception."

While both Todd and Y/LN have yet to clear the air regarding their rumored love affair, sources still firmly believe that something is going on between them to have inspired such a song. Still, whether they wanna admit it or not, they really are super cute together. ;)

i really didn't wanna make artemis the bad guy here but i needed a plotline dawg😭

[sillygoblinantics]

“Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou that’s not how trauma works, Lily Orchard”

This is the last Lily critical thing I am willing to share. For context: this happened during one of Lily orchards korra streams, it was before she would release her video that I would not watch for mental health reasons, but yes this is how her streams are, so much dead air only filled with obnoxiously loud keyboard clacking, snorts, and little to no commentary.

I had been watching, while watching I caught her talking about… trauma and ptsd. I caught her (if for a moment) fully displaying her lack of genuine empathy and knowledge of the aforementioned topics. And then when the show actually has a great point about how to healthily heal and how it isn’t going to be immediate she says:

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. That’s not how trauma works!

As if she would actually know and have studied and actually fucking know what it’s like.

This moment had broke me… if you’ve read my essay about my healing you’d know. This is not a criticism of Lily orchard… this is me showing her true colors. I need you to see how her brain works I want you to understand how it works without getting too close and touching the metaphorical poop of this drama until you get the full vivid picture of her.

Ever since I’ve learned more and more about Lily and have truly seen and heard of the things she’s done I’ve been plagued by what I thought were the traumatic moments I felt I had eloquently unpacked and picked apart… actually reanimate and take new forms that have caused minimal spirals.

And if I’m going through this then imagine what Lily orchards victims and fans have gone and continue to go through. This isn’t about whatever card she’ll use to get away with her behavior this is addressing the actual danger of this woman.

If I ever post her again I’ll be dropping art I did as cathartic release (like the below image):

Lily clearly uses her “trauma” to hurt others. She’s transformed it into a weapon that only damages those she hits with it.

Catharsis is the key to the freeing metamorphosis of your trauma tho it may remain it weighs less as you transform more and more of it in a new way.

That transmutation can be anything, art, animation, music, sculpture and visual or physical media really! Even in writing. It’s why I like creative nonfiction as it’s really just explorative essays. Like this post you’re reading now!

So.

To wrap this up, let’s quote the gifted goose’s own mouth:

“Fuck you, fuck you, Fuck You. That’s not how trauma works, you can tell they never had it”

— Lily Orchard August 2024

[kerubimcrepin]

Everything we know about what happened to Khan, Bakara, and Lilotte after the movie

Despite the fact that the second Dofus movie has not been made (and, from the way things are looking, might never be made at all) we know quite a bit about what happened to its characters afterward — the reason for that is simple: they're referenced in the games!

In this post, I will try to compile everything we know for the ease of access — but I implore you, instead of using my abridged compilation, just watch my video archive instead, if you're really interested in these characters! The posts I make on the MMOs are entirely recapping everything I already went over in my videos.

BAKARA JURGEN

The Dofus MMO takes place approximately 200–300 years after the events of the movie, and 70–90 years after a genocide against Huppermages has been enacted by Bonta, which forced their people to go into hiding. (you can read more about this in my posts about the Dofus MMO!)

Despite such a long time having passed, one can still find people who look up to her in the world — including Kerubim Crepin, who reminisces on having known her, her brother, and her sister-in-law, before all of them were gone...

There isn't a lot of that is known about her life (or her involvement with Khan, and whether they ever became a couple...) but what we do know is that she grew to be a very well-respected leader and role model among huppermages, and lived a long, fruitful life.

And also that, just like literally everyone in the cast of the movie, she either lied her ass off about everything that happened in it, or the legends have distorted the truth badly.

By the time of Dofus MMO, Jahash and Julith are both viewed as icons and role models by the Huppermage community. It is quite likely that, at least in part, this is the case due to Bakara's (and then Agata, her heir/apprentice/daughter-figure's) efforts to not let their memory be forgotten.

Agata never discusses Bakara in her dialogues pertaining to Bonta's genocide of Huppermages, and when coupled with Kerubim saying that Bakara is "just a part of the history now" during his own dialogue on the topic, there is a heavy implication that Bakara did not live long enough to see this tragedy — and that her passing is not a fresh wound.

LILOTTE DELAGRANDVENTURE

There is even less known about her fate, but some things are pretty obvious: she had a family of her own — and she is still venerated as a great ancestor even six centuries later, by her great-great-great grandchildren.

You can find a descendant of hers in the Wakfu MMO, as a political leader in a tradition-obiding ouginak tribe, which is a very long cry from the way Lilotte and Indie led their lives as city-dwelling ouginaks.

For context, there is a bit of a... conflict, between these two lifestyles, which makes this development quite interesting:

I feel like this dialogue just speaks for itself, when it comes to the way people like Indie, Lou, and Lilotte are viewed by Ouginaks at large...

Considering the history of oppression that Ouginaks have, it is quite understandable why a lot of them want to live in an independent community of their own people — instead of molding themselves to fit the norms set by the followers of the Twelve gods; and why they may look down on their fellow Ouginaks who do not share this sentiment.

Lilotte's bell is a known relic, and her legend is still known — albeit with major alterations, which are most likely the result of six centuries having passed.

:)

KHAN KARKASS

I have saved all content regarding him for last, because he is the one we know the most about — from the plans to include him in Welsh & Shedar, to his inclusion in the Wakfu MMO.

He is buried next to the stadium, with his Gobbowl cup — the greatest achievement of his life... despite him having years of life after it, as an adventurer. A bit sad, isn't it?

Here's what he says about his life:

And here's him getting Joris's age wrong, lmao:

I debated including what we know about him in Welsh & Shedar in this post... but it's a bit of a beaten horse, by now, so I will just give the simple rundown:

In Welsh & Shedar, Khan and Joris seem to be pretty close, reportedly having adventured together after Khan's knee injury. Khan can be seen spending time together with Joris even in the trailer.

It is easy to assume that by this point, that with Joris being 60-years-old, most other mortal loved ones of Joris's have either passed away, or had their own lives to deal with, not having much time to spend together, which is pretty sad.

Considering the fact that instead of spending his time with Bakara, he is seen alone as an old man, it might be possible that she passed away before him or that their romance did not work out.

Another reason to believe their romance may not have worked out is the fact that neither Bakara's, nor Khan's fans, mention them being an item.

He also had the stories about him morph... but somehow, I really doubt that it wasn't his own damn fault.

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC’s Lucien - Fragment Date - English Translation

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

This post contains a detailed spoiler for a date that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

[Warning]: The content of this date is pretty explicit and may not be suitable for individuals under the age of 17 (CN server). It is recommended that those who do not meet this age requirement refrain from proceeding beyond this point.

He traces a trail of delicate nibbles along my neck, kissing the path where life itself flows.

I feel those affectionate yet slightly demanding marks being etched again and again. For some reason, I find myself speaking without thinking.

"Bite me, Lucien."

Translation under the cut!

[T/N: This date references some dates in the past; like his Prison Date, Monochrome Scenery Exclusive Past and its Event Story,  “Lab Koi” call, his Last year’s Birthday Story, and The Sea No Longer Distant MQ. Since this date has a lot of callback, I think it’d be better if you read those dates, events, and phone calls first if you haven’t :>; or at least the MQ and birthday story one because this date is also some kind of extension to those]

[Subbed Video]

[Transcript Ver]

=[Part 1]=

I wake up to the faint whirring of the fan and the subtle scent of a fruity fragrance lingering in the air. I turn over in bed, slowly blinking my eyes open.

The brilliant sunlight filters through the lace curtains, casting iridescent patches of light that dance playfully across Lucien's body.

He sits in a rattan chair by the window, flipping through a book in his hand. An exquisite purple clay tea set rests on a side table nearby.

For a fleeting, dreamlike moment, I feel like I've traveled back to the 1970s.

As if sensing my gaze, Lucien turns his head, and a hint of a smile appears in his eyes as he looks at me.

Lucien: It seems a certain lady hasn't adjusted to the time difference yet.

Lucien: It is now noon in U.S. time.

My foggy brain finally starts to turn sluggishly. I leave the bed, drag a chair over to sit beside him and yawn again.

MC: It can't be helped. It's already the wee hours in Loveland City.

Lucien: [teasingly] Oh? But as I recall, a certain night owl sometimes doesn't go to bed obediently even at those hours.

MC: [pouts] ....Hmph, you're one to talk, Mr. I-Don't-Need-Sleep!*

[T/N: MC actually calls him 进化了睡眠的人 here, which literally means “evolved sleep people”, it might be referring to him seemingly have evolved beyond the need of sleep😂]

Lucien: I've been quite well-behaved lately, haven't I? And when it comes to sleep duration, well, let's just say you're the ‘expert’.

Lucien blinks at me innocently, and I quickly take a sip of the tea he offers, hoping he won’t delve deeper into this topic.

A sweet and sour sensation blooms in my mouth. Perhaps there are other unknown herbs added, as I also detect a hint of honeyed sweetness.

✂———————–

=Flashback start=

Ten hours ago, in the dim and quiet cabin, the only sound was the occasional soft tapping of a keyboard from the seat next to me.

I lifted a corner of my eye mask and leaned closer.

MC: It's time for sleep, Professor Lucien. Didn't you say the seminar doesn't start until next week? We arrived three days early.

Lucien: That's true, but I don't plan to use this time for conference preparations.

Lucien: After all, a certain classmate expressed a desire to take this opportunity to visit my lab from my master's and Ph.D. days. I want to dedicate my time fully to you without any interruptions from other matters.

Beyond his words, I sensed other emotions in his earnest tone.

MC: [curiously] Is our Professor Lucien nervous because I'm going to visit the places where you once studied and lived?

Lucien: Yes.

He admitted it frankly, his eyes lit up as he looked at me.

Lucien: That place is very important to me.

Lucien: This feeling is like... inviting you to step into a chapter of my past.

Lucien: It should be a proper occasion, something worth your anticipation.

=Flashback end=

✂———————–

As I step out the door, a wave of heat washes over me. Thankfully, the house is nestled among the trees, providing some relief from the sweltering heat.

Lucien leads me down the stone steps, deeper into the verdant greenery. The lively apple trees grow abundantly, and even the breeze seems to carry a sweet fragrance.

The bed-and-breakfast he booked is located within Carver Estate Farm, not far from the lab. Since it's still early, we decided to take a stroll in the farm's orchard first.

MC: Now I finally feel like I'm truly on an American farm—

Lucien: The furniture and decor in that room can indeed be a bit misleading.

Lucien: That said, the radio and clock in the living room are just decorative pieces, and the stainless steel kettle in the kitchen is also fixed to the table.

Lucien: As for the fan and the TV, including the sewing machine, they actually work and can somewhat be considered "antiques.”

MC: When did you…

Lucien: [chuckles] The wait while you're asleep feels endless*, so I have to keep myself busy.

[T/N: Lucien uses the word "难熬" (literally means hard to bear) to describe his feelings while waiting for MC to wake up. Rather than feeling annoyed, the original sentence conveys a sense of longing and impatience, emphasizing how much he misses her so the wait feels unbearable]

Seeing him speak so seriously, I can't help but give his palm a gentle pinch.

Lucien: To be honest, I was a bit curious. I didn't expect the owner to maintain this style, or rather, deliberately preserve it.

MC: Have you been here before?

Lucien: Mm, Dr. Lawson brought the entire lab here before.

✂———————–

[T/N: Dr. Lawson was Lucien's mentor during his Master's and PhD years, in those years Lucien also had some seniors like Colt, Caroline, and Elliot. You can read more in Monochrome Scenery Exclusive Past. It can be said that the time during his Master’s and PhD years was the 'happiest' for him, after he abandoned his name and before he met MC. This young boy discovers that he’s not the only genius in this world. Surprisingly, this isn’t a bad thing; because being considered a genius had previously isolated him from his peers, but being surrounded by other geniuses provides him with a taste of mundane life… although he can’t fully taste it due to Black Swan’s pressure :"]

✂———————–

=[Part 2]=

Lucien: I remember it was autumn. We had just finished a phase of our experiment.

Lucien: The process of this experiment was very prolonged, and almost everyone expended a lot of effort. Fortunately, the results exceeded expectations.

Lucien: As a celebration, or perhaps simply out of a need for a break, Dr. Lawson suggested an outing after the experiment concluded.

MC: Sounds like a team-building activity?

Lucien: [chuckles] You could say that.

Lucien smiles lightly.

Lucien: At first, we all thought it would just be a matter of finding a nice restaurant, having a meal and chatting, or going to the theater to watch a performance.

Lucien: It wasn't until everyone received an email from Dr. Lawson that we realized we had been granted a mandatory five-day vacation. And the destination was this very farm estate.

MC: Pfft, Dr. Lawson is quite ceremonious about giving everyone a day off~ So, did everyone just obediently accept the arrangement?

I notice Lucien pausing, lost in thought, which is unusual for him. Then, a smile spreads on his lips.

Lucien: [chuckles] Not exactly.

Lucien: Eventually, everyone practically treated this place as a lab annex, almost bringing in equipment. Fortunately, the farm owner was an old friend of Dr. Lawson's, so we weren't kicked out.

MC: Hahaha, I knew it!

As we walk deeper into the apple orchard, the intertwined branches and leaves block out the sunlight, creating a vast expanse of shade. Vibrant red apples dot the lush greenery, looking especially tempting.

Lucien: The farm owner is an elderly Chinese gentleman. It's said that he and his wife came here to live when they were young, and this apple orchard was also planted by them with their own hands.

MC: No wonder. I think I suddenly understand why the house's decor feels so nostalgic.

Lucien: Perhaps it's precisely because they've been away for so long that they need tangible things to solidify those memories.

The swaying shadows of the trees dance in his deep eyes, and even though he's talking about someone else, I feel like I'm hearing unspoken words meant for himself.

So I rise on my tiptoes and cup his face, turning it towards me.

MC: So today, little Lucien is revisiting his old stomping grounds~ And as such an accomplished young professor, no less!

MC: This memory is very precious, and it's important to solidify it well.

Lucien: Is that so?

His voice is soft as he lowers his eyelashes and gazes into my eyes.

I feel like my entire being is almost seen through by him. He doesn't say a word, just keeps looking at me.

MC: Why are you staring at me?

Lucien: [chuckles] I'm solidifying this memory.

MC: Um?

Lucien: Because I'm not just here by myself.

Lucien: Today, I'm revisiting this place with my girlfriend. I want to look closely, carefully, and remember your appearance clearly.

I can't help but laugh, my fingertips brushing against his earlobe.

MC: Then how about remembering a bit more~ What else did little Lucien do here?

Lucien: I ate the apples.

MC: ....That doesn't count!

Lucien: Of course it counts. To be precise, it was an apple feast, with apple pie, apple muffins, apple salad, apple stew…

MC: Stop...! You're making me dizzy just looking at these apple trees now.

MC: I feel like they're saying to me, "I'm apple pie, I'm apple muffin…”

I dramatically shake my head and point to the huge fruits hanging above us.

Lucien seems amused by my actions. Seizing the moment, he smoothly takes my hand and plucks the apple hanging closest to us.

Lucien: [chuckles] Then let's eat them all, one by one.

He finishes speaking and even "conjures" a thin blanket from his bag, spreading it on the ground. He pulls me, who is still processing the moment, to sit under the tree.

His seamless actions leave me completely unable to keep up with him, and my questions come out in a jumble.

MC: C- Can we just pick the apples here? And sit down like this? And this blanket…

Lucien: I told you waiting for you to wake up feels endless, and I wasn't lying.

He looks as if he knows I can't do anything about him, and his tone, though seemingly aggrieved, is full of triumph.

We sit side-by-side under the tree, falling into a brief silence. The wind gently blows, as if not wanting to disturb this tranquility.

Lucien & MC: What are you thinking about?

Suddenly, we speak at the same time, and the unexpected coincidence makes us look at each other and laugh.

MC: You go first~

Lucien: I was wondering if an apple might fall on my head.

He says it so seriously that I find it rather cute. On a whim, I get up, pluck an apple, and then gently tap him on the head.

MC: Knock knock…

Lucien seems surprised by my action, the light in his pupils flickers.

Lucien: [gently] What about you?

MC: Me…

I smile sheepishly.

MC: I thought of a fairy tale, Prince... Snow White.

Lucien: But that's not how I remember the story?

MC: Because… this is a story I imagined!

Lucien nods thoughtfully, not minding my nonsense at all, but instead curving his eyes in a good mood.

Lucien: Then in your story, who are you?

This question stumps me for a moment, and I pause to think seriously before answering.

MC: I'm the magic mirror.

Lucien: Because the magic mirror knows everything?

MC: [smiles softly] Not really, it's because the magic mirror only looks at...the prince.

MC: And if I were the magic mirror, I wouldn't need you to ask, I'd tell you that—

MC: Lucien is the most handsome, the most intelligent, the most amazing, and the person I love the most in this entire world.

My voice is not loud, yet it feels like the entire orchard of apples has heard it. Their already gorgeous red blushing even deeper, making their vibrancy impossible to conceal.

My clamorous heart seems to be thoroughly exposed by the sun, allowing me to distinctly feel its beating and clearly see the smile filling Lucien's eyes.

He lowers his head, takes a bite of the apple in his hand, and lies down without hesitation.

Our hands, which have been holding each other all along, pull me slightly forward because of his sudden movement.

MC: …!

Lucien lies lazily on the plush blanket, each strand of hair scattering softly, as if quietly outlining his innermost feeling at this moment.

His already loose shirt falls open completely, revealing a patch of skin.

He gently blinks and the corners of his lips slightly curl up.

Under the scorching heat, the apples hanging from the branches exude an even more enticing fragrance.

The wind gathers from afar, wave after wave, sweeping through the villa, the woods, and each apple tree, carrying an increasingly rich scent toward us.

His fingertip traces mine, gently caressing the sensitive skin between my thumb and index finger.

It's like some kind of seduction.

Lucien: [whispers hoarsely] Miss Magic Mirror, I've been poisoned.

His voice is soft as if melting into the sunlight, yet it possesses a bewitching power that makes one willingly lean closer to him.

Lucien: You can kiss me now.

✂———————–

[T/N: Prince Snow White and Miss Magic Mirror… it’s a reference to his second Halloween date; Prison Date! Also, I love the way it seamlessly fits in the theme of ‘lover is like a mirror’ from last year's kiss SP; Blooming Amidst Turbulent Desires MQ... perhaps by seeing your lover's eyes you can see the real and complete you :”. And unique to Lucien, it could be that only through seeing his reflection in her eyes can he perceive the colorful version of himself]

✂———————–

=[Part 3]= 

After buying some apple cookies at the farm store and making a reservation for apple cider making tomorrow, we drive to Dr. Lawson's lab.

The asphalt road under the shade of the trees glistens in the summer light. In the distance, sailboats glide on the river and people cycle along the riverbank.

Perhaps it's due to the fluttering anticipation in my heart, but the half-hour drive feels like it's over in the blink of an eye.

✂———————–

Lucien: Dr. Lawson is giving a lecture in London this week, and the current head of the lab is my senior, Colt. After graduation, he stayed on to continue the research.

Lucien: But he happens to be leading a group of students in an academic exchange with another lab today…

Lucien pauses for a moment, moves the gift bag he just placed on the desk to the side, and takes a sticky note off the computer screen.

Lucien: [quietly reading the sticky note] …..

He waves the sticky note at me, and I can clearly see the lively handwriting on it: "Enjoy: )".

Lucien: It seems like no one will be back today. In that case, let's graciously accept this invitation to enjoy ourselves.*

[T/N: "恭敬不如从命" means “it's more respectful to follow a request than to decline it out of politeness.” In this case, rather than refusing Colt's invitation, they graciously accept and agree to enjoy the day as requested]

✂———————–

The white walls make the spacious corridor even brighter. Along the way, the walls of classrooms and laboratories are adorned with various awards and patent certificates.

It seems that just by passing through, one can feel countless figures with unceasing footsteps, moving forward persistently and rationally, knocking on one unknown door after another.

✂———————–

Lucien: The desk by the window was the place I most often sat in the lab. Because I always sat there, it eventually became my ‘workstation’.

Lucien: Even if I arrived late, everyone would save this seat for me;

Lucien: [chuckles] But I don't really have a fixed seat in the library. I've never known if those people who are already looking up information early in the morning are actually early risers or if they just never went to bed;

Lucien: Occasionally, when the weather was nice, professors would take us out to the lawn for class;

Lucien: This vending machine used to swallow coins. I wonder if it's been fixed…

Lucien leads me through the corridor, past the small garden, into classrooms, laboratories, and the library…

Perhaps even he himself hasn't realized it, but returning here has made him happy.

It's in the little things he doesn't even realize he's doing: the way his steps quicken without him noticing, the instinctive caress of his fingertips against my palm, the soft murmurs he makes when he notices something different from his memories.

And even the hint of joy as he reveals those past memories with me.

He leads me by the hand through every nook and cranny of this place, making me feel as if I'm walking through his youth.

Finally, we arrive at the dormitory building. 

Lucien: Generally, everyone lives here. They're mostly single rooms, so you have a lot of privacy.

MC: I remember you mentioned it before, so is this the common lounge area?

In this not-so-large space in front of us, several sofas and coffee tables are neatly arranged, and the bar counter displays simple everyday items.

Lucien: Mm, usually everyone relaxes here while waiting for experiment results. Occasionally, we also play a round of NOU.

MC: Pfft, I didn't expect this kind of leisure activity.

Lucien: [chuckles] To be precise, it's a traditional activity.

Sensing an interesting topic, I quickly shake his hand and press for more details.

MC: What else? What other things do you do?

Lucien thinks for a moment, then suddenly smiles.

Lucien: There's actually one interesting thing.

Lucien: In the past, before important experimental results were concluded, everyone would tacitly let a certain colleague touch the experiment machine a few more times, and then pray to it.

Lucien: And often, the results wouldn't be too bad, and there was a high probability of exceeding expectations.

MC: Hahaha, so he's the ‘lab koi’ you were talking about!

[T/N: It’s a reference to the  “Lab Koi” call from last year!]

Lucien nods, the warm white light tracing the contours of his face, making his features appear even softer.

I can hear the nostalgia in his voice that he unintentionally revealed, and I know that he might be thinking about a lot of things at this moment.

I'm reluctant to break this brief silence*, my gaze subconsciously drifting towards this lounge, as if I could catch a glimpse of the genius boy who had once been here.

[T/N: The phrase "不舍得" (bù shě de) expresses a reluctance or unwillingness to part with something precious or cherished. While the English translation "reluctant" conveys the general idea, it might not fully capture the way MC cherishes this rare moment of Lucien being so nostalgic that she's reluctant to break🤧]

Suddenly, my attention is drawn to the wall next to the bar counter.

It's a small display wall. Besides showcasing some achievement certificates of past researchers, there's also a handwritten message board and some photos.

It turns out there will always be someone who earnestly preserves and longs for the past, with all its time and traces.

I quickly find a familiar figure among them.

It's a slightly blurry photo, almost as if it were a frame grabbed from a video.

The boy surrounded by the crowds slightly widened his eyes, a bouquet of flowers was thrust into his arms as he let the others boisterously tease and laugh around him.

Lucien: [chuckles, his voice exclaims a little in surprise] ...So, I really was quite surprised back then.

Lucien quietly walks up behind me at some point, his gaze intently fixed on this photo.

The world is truly a wondrous place. It appears to operate according to established principles, yet it often defies logic.

Those emotions that he never understood in the past are now brought before him in some fateful way, regaining their meaning and significance.

Lucien gazes at the girl beside him, observing her happiness and surprise, witnessing all the beautiful emotions that have blossomed because of him.

But she has no idea that her existence has allowed him to see how beautiful the world is.

Lucien's gaze slowly returned to the photo.

Countless colorful ribbons flutter in the air, shimmering and sparkling. The colors, engraved with blessings and well-wishes, seem to transcend time, flowing into his eyes in this very moment.

He speaks softly.

Lucien: It turns out that day was actually so lively.

✂———————–

The last scene is about his Last year’s Birthday Story! He graduated with his PhD on his birthday. This graduation was celebrated by his seniors and professor. At that time, everything was monochrome in his eyes. However, visiting the place with MC and seeing his graduation photo with her brings color to a memory that was once only in black and white. He now realizes how lively and vibrant that day truly was.

✂———————–

=[Part 4]=

MC: Are you saying that Senior Brother Colt and Senior Sister Caroline being together was something specifically emailed to you?

Lucien gives a helpless smile.

Lucien: Their reasoning was that I'd receive the information faster by email, and it turns out they were absolutely right.

MC: Hahaha!

We walk back, laughing and chatting. Along the way, I listen to Lucien share stories from his past that he seldom opens up about, about the later developments of his companions, and their current situations.

Some things he tells me without much recollection, while others he needs to think about for a moment. But it seems that the process of remembering makes him a bit happier.

One intersection away from the farm, we pass by a market and stop to buy some food.

Lucien: I'll take the things to the car first, wait for me here.

MC: Okay~ I'll be right here at the market.

While waiting for Lucien to get the car, I notice a stall at the market.

A silver-haired grandma is engrossed in weaving bracelets, her stall filled with dazzling beaded ornaments that shimmer under the soft glow of the glass lamps.

Suddenly, an idea strikes me, and I walk towards the stall.

✂———————–

MC: Ah, it's so hot.

As soon as I enter the house, I hurriedly turn on the air conditioner and fan.

Although the temperature here is still quite pleasant compared to the summer in Loveland City, I’m probably still jet-lagged that I feel a little dizzy.

Struggling to fight the rising drowsiness, I sort and organize the purchased items with Lucien.

Lucien: How about having dinner at the farm's eco-restaurant tonight? That way you can sleep earlier and won't be too tired.

Lucien: Or should we go somewhere farther to try some local specialties?

MC: Either is fine with me~ But before we eat, I need to do something important first.

I arrange the washed apples in a fruit bowl and pull Lucien to sit down with me.

I fish the woven bracelet I bought earlier from the stall out of my pocket. I pull his arm towards me and carefully, with a sense of cherishing, fasten the bracelet around his wrist.

Lucien clasps my wrist in return, his gaze shifting from the bracelet to me, as if waiting for an explanation.

MC: It's just... I suddenly wanted to give you something.

MC: Maybe it's because I saw your photos in the lounge earlier, or maybe it's because I heard so much about your past today.

MC: Even though I knew what those days truly meant to you, it wasn't until I actually went there that I realized…

MC: Everything about Lucien has been well treasured.

He's looking at me, hanging on to my every word.

MC: I'm so lucky to have picked them up again and to have pieced them together with you.

MC: To let them become you, the complete person standing before me.

Gazing into his eyes and seeing the one and only figure reflected there, I feel surprisingly calm and settled inside.

I gently caress his wrist twice.

MC: You see, I tied this knot myself! And I picked out this little agate bead super carefully. Don't you think it's pretty?

MC: It can be like the apple that falls on your head and sparks inspiration or the one that tempts you to be curious about everything.

MC: But now, it is also the "apple" I am giving to you.

MC: [smiles softly] Lucien, I hope the present me can also become a special fragment, forever remaining in your memories.

Pinkish-purple hues gently paint the horizon, and a beam of light happens to fall in, illuminating the agate bead.

The smooth texture is brightly highlighted, making the color seem to dance, leaping into those beautiful dark eyes.

Lucien: [softly] Indeed… very vibrant.

Lucien: Like an apple.

As he says this, he looks at me, his brows and eyes curving into a beautiful arc, leaving me momentarily unsure of what exactly he's referring to.

MC: Then let’s go eat…!

My cheeks start to feel warm as I belatedly realize what he means, and as I try to rise from his embrace, an irresistible force pulls me back onto his lap.

The arm wrapped around my waist tightens slightly, deepening the embrace.

Lucien: [whispers seductively] Before that, I also have something important to do.

He lowers his head, kissing the little agate bead cherishingly, then gently moves his kisses to my fingertips resting on his wrist, his lips slowly trailing upward, inch by inch.

Each kiss is feather light and slow, as if he’s carefully tracing every detail, until every part of my skin is stained with his warmth.

Lucien: MC.

He gives my earlobe another gentle peck before pulling back slightly, creating a small distance between us.

Lucien: [softly] Today, I've felt the significance of those seemingly meaningless moments from the past.

Lucien: It turns out there are many other people in my dreams.

[T/N: This part is what I mean by the date being the extension of last month's MQ (The Sea No Longer Distant MQ). It can be said that on this date, Lucien finally understands what MC means in that MQ. It's like... growing a 'heart' and feeling emotions that he doesn't comprehend before. He's lucky to have many people willing to ‘dream’ together with him🥺]

His abrupt change of topic leaves me momentarily confused as if he’s speaking in riddles. It takes me a moment to catch up and understand what he’s talking about.

Memories of the beach from a month ago flood back. I look into those eyes that are still fixed on me, and I seem to see emotions in them that weren't there before.

Lucien: You're right. People are complex, and they're also greedy.

Lucien: Because of you, I've accepted many things, and as a result, I desire even more.

Lucien: I'm curious about what other changes I'll experience because of you, and what surprises you'll bring me.

Lucien: And besides curiosity, there's also expectation.

I tilt my head up and kiss the corner of his lips.

MC: Then keep being curious about me.

MC: I like that you're curious about me.

I reach out to touch Lucien's face, wanting to look more clearly into his eyes.

Lucien: [whispers softly] Miss Magic Mirror, can you tell me…

Lucien: In your eyes, what am I like at this very moment?

I can't help but laugh.

MC: Right now, your eyes are the color of the entire sky. They're so beautiful.

MC: Your hair is bestowed with the warm glow of the setting sun, looking soft and fluffy. Your lips…

As I talk, I give him another kiss.

MC: It makes me want to do this.

Lucien also starts laughing.

MC: Lucien, right now, everything about you is complete in my eyes, and I can see you clearly.

He leans down again, his warm and moist breath brushing against my neck as he kisses me, causing subtle tingling sensations on my skin.

I instinctively try to pull away, but as I reach out to hold onto the back of his neck, he firmly holds me in place.

My legs dangle, unable to find a foothold, forcing me to use all my strength to hook onto his lap, while my other hand blindly grabs onto the curtain.

The crimson sunset spills over us unrestrainedly. As if dazzled by the spots of light, Lucien lifts me towards him, shifting a little as he holds me.

Amid the rocking motion, his leg accidentally touches the nearby coffee table, making a noise.

The sudden weightlessness makes me instinctively tighten my arms, causing him to gently bite my collarbone.

His scorching breath brushes against my neck like a feather, his scent overwhelming and filling every corner. It mingles with the fruity fragrance in the air, creating an even more alluring aroma.

Out of the corner of my eye, the goldfish in the fish bowl seem startled as well, swaying and swinging, leaving behind two tangled and intertwined trails*.

The skin grazed by my fingertips starts to burn, and I'm getting hot too.

Lucien: [whispers hoarsely] MC, you make me feel a gentle gaze.

Right now, we probably can't see each other's expressions, but it's as if we can see everything.

His low, hoarse voice resonates against my neck, and his moving lips make my throat vibrate, as though his words and voice have become my own.

Lucien: [x2] Make me feel truly seen by you, deeply loved by you**.

Lucien: [x3] Make me… feel happy and satisfied.

He traces a trail of delicate nibbles along my neck, kissing the path where life itself flows.

I feel those affectionate yet slightly demanding marks being etched again and again. For some reason, I find myself speaking without thinking.

MC: Bite me, Lucien.

The rustling of clothes suddenly stops, and his breathing also ceases, as if he is holding his breath.

I know my face is burning bright red, but I only shyly embrace him, moving myself even closer to him.

MC: I've also been seen by you and possessed by you.

In the sweaty air, I hear his long, drawn-out breath.

But in the next moment, they are all swept into my lips and tongue, obtaining all my oxygen in a different way.

Lucien: [kisses and pants] It is because you possess me that I am complete.

Lucien: [x2] Please keep possessing me forever… MC.

Lucien: [x3] In this world, only you will possess this kind of me.

.

.

.

———FIN———–

[T/N]

*: The fish in the bowl description might seem out of place, but it's not! It alludes to '鱼水之欢' (lit. 'the joy of fish and water'), which is a Chinese idiom that describes the joy and intimacy of sexual intercourse or the metaphor for the act itself. It's also an idiom that is a metaphor for the intimate and harmonious emotional or sexual life of men and women.

**: This is my favorite line in this because of the way it emphasizes Lucien's feeling of being understood and cherished 🤧 “看见" (kàn jiàn, to see) has the connotation of being acknowledged and truly understood. I think, for Lucien, being ‘seen’ and understood is significant; understanding the world is his thing as a scientist, so when someone makes an effort to understand him, it means a lot to him. Then the use of directly spoken “爱” (ài) which is a very, very sentimental word to say compared to how the west uses ‘love’ regularly… and the way it also encompasses a sense of enduring love, a sense of care, cherishing, and protectiveness🥺

Those last lines!!!!! Under her gaze, he feels utterly seen, completely known, and thus, entirely himself. It's because she possesses him fully that he feels complete. While others in his life may hold only fragments of him, she alone possesses his entirety. As the fox says in "The Little Prince," “But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world.” It is through her 'taming' that his completeness becomes something uniquely hers and hers alone.

And as Lucien mentioned in the Radio Broadcast Date, his form of possessiveness goes beyond one-sided control or dominance. Rather than just possessing her, he longs even more for her to possess him. To let her influence and 'change' him. Their possessiveness is a two-way thing: just as he is insatiable and wants all of her, he also craves to belong to the one he loves and to surrender himself entirely. After all, possessiveness is also a form of exceptional cherishing of the other party (his words in radio broadcast date, not mine), and he enjoys the feeling of being cherished and loved in this way.

[wiyu989]

The Queer Subtext of the CATFA Bar Scene

(Long post, alt text included)

While there are countless examples of evidence to support the idea that Steve & Bucky had romantic tension, none stick out to me quite like the bar scene in catfa

In this post, I will go over the reasons this scene is so important to their relationship

First of all, let’s talk about the heartfelt conversation the two were having prior to Peggy’s arrival. Bucky expressing his admiration for Steve’s bravery, before and after the serum, as he specifies:

This scene displays Bucky’s admiration for Steve, no matter what he looks like. One of my favorite lines.

Not to mention this totally not-subtle remark…

Now let’s talk about the painfully obvious jealousy Bucky showed while Steve and Peggy were flirting. He even started passive-aggressively “flirting” with Peggy while she and Steve were eye-fcking.

Through heteronormative eyes, this may look like Bucky’s jealous of Steve’s new status as “ladies-man”. But if you truly know their characters, you know that’s not true.

As if his jealousy wasn’t already evident enough, look at the death-stare he gives Peggy as she walks away. He is FURIOUS 😭

A new bout of evidence for the queer subtext of this scene was conjured by episode 1 of what if..? when marvel was desperately trying to force feed us steggy, they accidentally confirmed a stucky theory.

In what if, there’s a romantic scene with Steve and Peggy at a bar, and they were interrupted by bucky just before they were going to kiss… sound familiar?

Marvel has been aggressively trying to get us invested in steggy post-endgame, and has done so by attempting to erase Steve and Bucky’s relationship entirely. This is even more evident in the Disneyland adaptation of “Rogers: the musical” adapted from the Hawkeye series.

Now the last topic is, in my opinion, the most evident of Steve and buckys romantic subtext. That is, of course, the song choice of the bar scene.

Throughout the scene, the howling commandos and others can be heard singing “there is a tavern in the town”. How exactly does this confirm stucky? Well let’s look at the lyrics…

Come ON these lyrics perfectly describe buckys POV during this scene. This song choice was no accident in this essay I will 😤

There’s actually a YouTube video that points this “coincidence” out! I recommend you watch so you can see what I mean:

In conclusion? Bucky was undoubtedly in love with Steve and this scene is a certified stevebucky classic

thanks for reading <3

[the-quiet-youve-been-longing-for]

Okay time for another small (I hope) analysis on IWTV, mainly the way it's written and its place on current television. I'll try my best to format this so it's not ramblings all over, I promise.

IWTV and plot points

I watched a good amount of television in my time, and one thing I noticed here is the fact that it doesn't hold your hand. It doesn't tell you "hey, this thing x is important, now we will tell again why x is important, now here see x being used, the important thing we talked about so far, did you remember, audience?".

Let's take as an example the "don't drink the blood of the living" thing. It's said to a young Louis (telling also to the audience in the 2nd episode how vampirism in this setting works) and then every time it's brought up it's indirectly (Lestat spitting out the sick man's blood, we see Claudia buying Laudanum and we know what it will be used for, but they don't tell us "Hey, Claudia is planning to poison someone so that Lestat drinks it, because remember audience, dead blood kills them"). Sometimes not only it doesn't hold your hand, but shoves you in a different direction, especially in S2. It contradicts himself, backtracks and then it's up to you to spot it.

For example, attentive viewers may have noticed that Sam was in 2 places at once in the trial, one episode before the actual reveal. It isn't a gotcha they came up with in the finale to give more gravitas to the revelation. When they tell us Lestat mass manipulated the audience, it makes sense for the storyline too because we already saw him do that with the soldiers, we have a previous example to refer to, Armand never used that particular power.

In a time where we see so many social media adopt the "short videos" gimmick, like reels and shorts etc, having a piece of media that references back in this way is super refreshing.

2. Character complexity

Complex characters are the backbone of this show. It's easy to place a character in a box and leave them there. You see it with the stereotype of the villain, the best friend, the hero. Some tv shows may have the character shift into a different box, but it's almost never permanent (think of the times where a hero gets corrupted by the Evil Power, but then reverts back to their hero status after Defeating the Evil Power because they remembered the Power of Friendship).

We have Louis, well meaning vampire who is capable of horrible deeds when pushed to the brink. Lestat, who feels so much to the point it hurts the people around him. Armand, whose trauma and fear bring out the need to control, but at the same time he needs to do that without actually controlling. They are all these things at the same time, and it's impossible to see them in a black and white perspective.

3. Details

A line almost always has its parallels to another line in the show, gazes always mean something, props are detailed and shown (I made a post looking at Daniel's notes in 2x05, which were shown for a second only, but you can also think about Claudia's diaries, all handwritten, or the astonishing amount of folders that were in Daniels computer from the Talamasca. That is all prop work done to be shown for a few seconds at most).

4. Analysis

This is more of a fandom thing than the show itself, but I was suprised by the amount of deep analysis that people here on Tumblr did (but also on other social media). Long essays on the meaning of a scene, or on the many many topics the show brings to light (the fallacy of memory, the impact of trauma, the meaning of free will and agency).

Similarly lots of people said that the show brought them back the urge to start creating, whether it's gifs, video essays, edits, fanart, fics, what have you. I started going back to Tumblr after years (last time I was here was during S4 of Sherlock).

And I feel like this is only possible if you give your audience something to work with, something to talk about and to dissect, rather than simple "entertainment".

5. Final thoughts

Of course, this isn't to say IWTV is error free, all perfect, without flaws. Nor is it the only one that has had this amount of labor and impact. But it's still miles ahead from most media we have available at the moment in my opinion, and I really hope its success brings other showrunners or directors to want to try and dare, to trust in their audience, to avoid shortcuts and to pour love in their creation.

If you got this far, I just want to thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings again! Have a cute Louis as a reward, and see you next time :)

[isa-ghost]

Attention JSE Community: Important

PLEASE REBLOG

This will probably blow up in my face, but something needs to be said. Besides, anyone who comes after me for this supports genocide, so. Whatever. Free blocklist if anyone sends me hate anons.

There's a person in the community, who runs a few blogs you may know, which you'll want to block if a) you're Palestinian or b) you wholeheartedly oppose the genocide taking place against them. I'm going to provide context, then list the blogs you'll want to block.

Back in November or so, when I first started reblogging pro-Palestine posts, I as an American wasn't as informed at the time about the war going on as I am now. Like any sensible American, I fully expected that any major media source I'd be given info from would be feeding me propaganda or just lies in general. (I'm right but I digress). As soon as I started reblogging pro-Palestine posts, I got concerned asks from two anonymous Israeli people who were formerly veteran followers of mine (one had been following me for at least 6 years). I thought their concern was reasonable, given I doubted the media sources I'd be most likely to get information from. I offered to let them correct me if I reblogged misinformation, assuming America would lie to me about both sides of the war, because of course I want to ensure I'm not perpetuating misinfo.

Mind you, I only reblogged 3 types of pro-Palestine posts: charity signal boosts, posts BY Palestinians, and videos of actual literal real life footage of proof or interviews about what Israeli forces are doing to Palestine and its people.

The anons I was getting started getting angrier, more aggressive, and guilt-trippy. I'm not sure which post was their last straw, but either the main anon (the one following me 6+ years) or BOTH anons I had previously heard from attacked me in my askbox calling me antisemitic and saying other nasty things because I was supporting Palestine. The main anon guilt-tripped me and straight up claimed Israel is not harming Palestine whatsoever, in other words denying the genocide is happening. Then they unfollowed me. This person owns the blogs I'm going to list to you.

I haven't heard from this main anon or the other one on Tumblr since, however they both were, until recently, also in a JSE Community theorist server I mod in, and recently blew up in there after the server mods declared their support for Palestine. The server owners AND the mods have been getting hate anons from Zionists (presumably the two anons sending multiple asks) for the last few days because of it, just like I did when I kept reblogging pro-Palestine posts.

One of the two anons, I'm unsure which, also owned a blog called @/hamas-is-isis, which is now inactive and/or deleted. You can still block the blog regardless just to be safe. Whichever anon didn't own the blog was reblogging its posts. So both anons supported the blog to say the least.

NOTE: DO NOT INTERACT WITH THESE BLOGS. ONLY BLOCK THEM. THIS POST IS NOT INTENDED TO CAUSE HARASSMENT, ONLY AWARENESS.

The main anon, the one denying the genocide is happening, owns the following blogs, two of which are/were major community blogs (which is why I'm fully expecting this to blow up in my face somehow).

@/theoristsden

@/hug-bot

@/aceofspades-lena (this is the main anon & possibly the owner of @/hamas-is-isis)

I strongly urge anyone who sees this post to block them, because I and at least 6 other people I will not name to avoid them getting harassed further, have witnessed this person being legitimately malicious towards Palestine and the topic of it. Again, they sent me an ask denying that Israel was hurting Palestinian people.

The second anon, the server mods realized today, had previously been sending subtle Islamophobic dogwhistle art in the server. We didn't catch it until after it came out that they're Zionists. Obviously, for any members of the server who see this that may be concerned, the mods have now deleted that art. The following blogs are theirs and I'm urging anyone who sees this to block them too:

@/phantomhunt

@/spacetimesystem

On the spacetimesystem blog, there are other sideblogs they listed in their pinned post if you want to go as far as to block those too.

I won't share it on this post, but the mods of the server I mentioned have screenshot proof of some of the hate anons that have been sent (I don't have any of the ones I got months ago unfortunately), as well as some other things these two have said. We also have a screenshot of the art.

I also want to mention, we found them discussing the idea of making a JSE community space that would "accept them." If you see Discord invites floating around, be wary. You could unknowingly be joining a Zionist-owned, anti-Palestine server.

Absolutely mind-boggling to me that these two would do all this or be this way when the charity that Sean supported for Thankmas this year is helping Palestinians. Not to mention he just straight up doesn't want hateful people in his community at all. But I digress.

Anyway, I urge you to block the blogs I listed. At least one of them is genuinely malicious and has attacked multiple people on anon over voicing support for Palestine. The other made art that implied Palestinians are monsters.

Free Palestine, and stay safe.

And once more: DO NOT INTERACT WITH THE LISTED BLOGS. ONLY BLOCK. I AM NOT MAKING THIS POST LOOKING TO GET ANYONE HARASSED.

[mogwaipoet]

I saw a few people asking for advice about how to distract themselves during the election

Here's the problem with that idea: trying to ignore the news just on election day is like showing up at the Olympics without ever having practiced your sport. You won't have any of the skills or habits you need.

Ignore the news every day. There's a big difference between "staying informed" and "stressing yourself out until it's a struggle to just exist, let alone take action." The modern conception of journalism is so far towards the stressing yourself out end of the spectrum -- and if you need to ask, getting your news on social media is even further down that dark, dark hole -- that "ignore all the news every day" is my genuine advice for how to be a good, effective citizen.

You are not obligated to bear witness. Posting is not activism. The extent of my activism is that I have recurring monthly donations to the ACLU and Southern Poverty Law Center and I absolutely claim the moral high ground over someone whose idea of activism is that they read a lot and post a lot.

Here's my advice for how to ignore the news:

Whatever you use to read the news, delete it from your phone. If that's your web browser, so be it -- you can have it back later, when you stop automatically trying to open it whenever you're bored or anxious. If it's your social media app, you can have it back after you curate the right list of people to follow.

Find a hobby, even if it's just binging TV shows or playing video games. If you're like me, you focus best on projects when you have something else to avoid, so now's a great opportunity to finish that novel or birdhouse.

Set boundaries. On the discord I run, there's a channel called interesting-times and it's understood that all the political talk goes in there. On my podcast Topic Lords, I reject political topics. My friends and family basically never talk to me about this stuff any more. That last part may be difficult if your friends are too poor to afford therapy. But the friends who can afford therapy but choose to vent at you instead? Shut those people the fuck down.

If you fuck up one of the above steps and accidentally read something, for god's sake don't post about it and make life harder for everyone else.

I've been living my life like this for several years. What are the consequences of being completely uninformed about what's going on in the world? I have no idea. I still hear plenty about the news, because it's fucking impossible to actually avoid. This is just what it takes to not drown in the news. Keeping my head above water and loving it.

Your training regimen starts today. Good luck.

[kaypeace21]

[The future of this BLOG]: SHOWS I'm planning on analyzing here & on YouTube

Interview with the vampire

Invincible

House of the dragon

The boys

Umbrella acadamy

Bridgerton probably (still haven't had time to watch part 2 yet)

stranger things: I have mixed feelings about reviewing it given what certain staff has said and done. I oscilate between wanting to review the final season or wanting to boycott it (especially as someone who has been part of the BDS movement for 1/2 her life). But, on one hand, It's not the fault of the underpaid (and talented) writers and staff who don't have these views. And I do believe some of the writing staff may have good intentions and want to give us a positive and powerful message to the audience about healing from childhood tr*uma. However, other members of the writing staff may just want to go down the stereotypical and popular-easy route. We'll just have to wait and see what happens in the last season. If I hear the ending isn't simply another re-hashing of prior seasons and it's more like s1-2 (without the cliches of s3-4). I'd be more inclined to review it by *cough* and watching it elsewhere. Once I was logged back on to tumblr: I did have a whole draft saved about my politics since I was a kid and why I still feel so strongly about such conflicts, today . But, I shouldn't make the topic about me- and I'm not sure anyone wants to hear my life story XD. So, the big point (to my followers) is regardless of whether I chose to watch it or boycot it-

I'm not deleting the old ST content: so do what you want with it (like, reblog, add details to reblogs I didn't notice). Have fun :D !

Analyzing ST certainly helped me improve in terms of media literacy (and it'll be beneficial for the future content I make). So even if it sometimes got messy here, I do appreciate all the positives the ST blog and followers brought to me.The kind words meant a lot. For those who want to unfollow me for my political beliefs , that's totally fine. That's your prerogative. For those who want to unfollow cause again ST was pretty much my whole blog: again I TOTALLY understand and I wish you the best :). I'm not going to judge, take away, or guilt anyone, for their choice of media they like. Enjoy it (I truly mean that).

For those who continue to follow my blog . I appreciate you SO MUCH! I've been gone from this blog for such a long time cause of school (and I appreciate those who stayed and were excited to see me again). The positive words meant a lot over the years. Everyone have a lovely day. Take care of yourselves.

Sincerely, Kay

ps: I'm open to other media suggestions too so you can drop them in my message box (recent films/ shows, mini/limited series, animation, heck i'm open to comedies and foreign media too).But, analyzing them will most likely be after the shows listed above .Right now I'm focusing on my national exam and my mental health. My first video will probably be in late August or early September. My test is August 20th. Hope everyone is doing well .I'm feeling much better mentally. Hope everyone is feeling the same way :)

for my 1st video I’ll just post it to youtube . But for other videos I may make a early access patreon (like a week before the next video comes out free on youtube). Have to google how all that works (or if there's better alternatives) . Totally fine if you can't afford it (you'll get to see it for free on youtube regardless :D) . I'll be honest . I'm primarily thinking of doing it cause I need to pay off those student loans and I'm trying to hopefully move out of state in a few years. Plus, I love analyzing media anyways (so making it a part time job would be a dream come true .

[deadite-central]

Applauding myself for somehow fitting my thoughts on this arc in just three posts. This was a feat

Pudding to me is one of the most overhated characters in the series. She’s a sixteen year old girl who has been conditioned to believe by her own mother that she’s disgusting and ugly, and since she’s not physically strong the only way she can see herself being useful is by being the cunning one. When Sanji calls her eye beautiful, the same eye that she was ridiculed for her entire life, she breaks down, and she falls for Sanji as he’s the first person outside of her siblings that sees her as something other than a monster once he sees her eye. She’s not an evil bitch like a lot of people are convinced she is, she’s a traumatised child

In other news about the wedding, I adore Luffy’s plan of using Brûlée’s power and doing the funniest thing he could: creating a situation in which a hundred feral Luffys jump out of Big Mom’s cake. Absolutely hilarious and wonderful everyone go home. Things seriously don’t go Linlin’s way cause soon enough Jinbei straight up leaves her crew. And holy hell I love this scene so much. He’s so badass! Standing in front of a terrifying emperor and not even flinching? Not being scared at all? Jinbei is one of the most loyal Straw Hats and here you can see it on full display

Big Mom’s backstory in itself is insane, and while most people will be jaw dropped at the plot point that Linlin accidentally ate her friends without even realising it, to me the Mother Carmel reveal is what always gets me. ‘Orphan seller’ displayed in the box is so jarring, and the fact it’s the navy looking for these kids should tell you all you need to know about how much they actually care for the justice they wear on their backs so proudly

While Luffy vs Katakuri is great in the anime, as Whole Cake is where I’d say the current style of One Piece finally found it’s bearings, it’s absolutely ingenious in the manga. Oda goes so hard on the panelling, and the pacing of the fight is absolutely wonderful, with the reader learning more about Luffy’s abilities, Katakuri as a person and the dynamic between the two as the battle goes along, and it never once feels as if Oda is drawing something out or adding unneeded stuff. Everything here serves a purpose, and I adore this fight, even if it isn’t my favorite in the series

Also on the topic of Luffy vs Katakuri I highly recommend this video as it goes over WHY the panelling of the fight works, it’s really good I just gotta recommend it

Something I really like about Whole Cake is how it brings back the themes of Sanji’s character explored in Baratie, and puts them on full display. Big Mom may be a tyrannical emperor that’s chasing the main characters to kill them, but for Sanji, she’s still hungry, and she still deserves to eat food. It’s the biggest reason Luffy wanted him on the crew: his kindness towards everyone, something his father saw as a weakness, but that One Piece shows you again and again, is an important trait to have

And well, the cake Sanji, Pudding and Chiffon make us absolutely wonderful. I really want to bring attention to the absolute masterclass of a panel this last one here is, from the passage of time when you’re holding your breath between the six panels before it, to the absolutely amazing rendering of Big Mom’s face, I adore it so much. Maybe it’s a silly thing to gush over and give a whole section to; but damn me if I didn’t mention it

Besides the musical number being sung in the background, Whole Cake Island ends with Jinbei now officially a Straw Hat, but having to leave for the last time to save the crew. Again, his loyalty is unmatched, one that has been built up since the Summit War Saga, and every single time it’s on display, I love his character more and more. I genuinely don’t get people who believe he shouldn’t be a Straw Hat, he deserves to be part of the crew more than anyone else you could have wanted here

[vhaos-chaotic-writing]

Another Vocaloid song that I am relating to Transformers - this time, for the Tranformers Earthspark series. Not gonna lie, I haven't 100% watched the show, but of course, my obsession for Starscream had me watching the youtube compilation videos or tiktoks about all the scenes he was on. And this time, centering on the MegaStar side...

( ‵▽′)ψ ~

HURTING FOR A VERY HURTFUL PAIN (EZFG ft. VY2 & VY1)

WARNING: The following post and music video may contain topics about toxic relationships, PTSD, etc.

So - yeah, the ultimate Toxic yaoi - Megatron and Starscream. I've always been so into their dynamic and how truly dysfunctional-destructive they can be to one another. But something is clear, and thanks to the Earthspark series for bringing up that topic - there has always been a power imbalance with the two of them, being Megatron the last one to truly give the final punches to the seeker and more than that; and for Starscream (both fairly and unfairly) having his trauma and situation invalidated by others.

Like, I saw a video on youtube that analized the whole episode where Starscream gets to interact (and connect) with Hashtag, and I was dead ass when the guy on the video pointed out how Starscream kept seein the Decepticon's mark on Megatron even when it was long gone and replaced by G.H.O.S.T's insigna and that it would always appear whenever Megatron was beating him in the fights.

And you can see Starscream's fear. And you can see his fear in any other variation of his - Starscream's behaviour comes from constant abuse and his taken 'hurt others if you want to survive' ideas.

(LET MY BABYGIRL GO!!) (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻

And of course, not only is Starscream the one suffering. Megatron is also suffering - my man over here trying to change after realizing he has been doing things wrong, but things are so complicated and you can see he gets hurt each time he gets called traitor and such.

[ Yadda yadda, Vhaos - we understand this. Now, what about the Vocaloid song? ]

VY2 represents perfectly Megatron's point of view, while VY1 could be Starscream.

"Don't come near, don't come here. Don't let it get you so excited - don't pay it any mind. Just stop shouting your head off. Go away, go away, yes - I'll be gone into thin air soon enough, so feign normalcy, and put up with it." - Starscream's taking his leave - "Nowhere is safe if it's with you."

"Oh, it hurt, the pain's so bad. Why does it hurt so bad as this? Ah, I want to tell you how much it hurts. I want you to be the only one to know. Oh, it's awful, so very awful. Why does it feel so bad as this? I want you, it's you I want. The pain is right here in my chest..." - potential "Megatron realizing he loved Starscream but both had become toxic and he has partaken the abuser's role more than nothing."

And now take the minute 1:50 to the very end of the video - a sparkbreaking where Megatron realizes about everything, but it is overwhelming. And thinking when Starscream leaves that pain in his chest is going to leave - Starscream is free, free from the abuse he has inflicted on him for so long, therefore, he will be free to... then why does it hurt so much? Why hasn't the pain left?

After all, both have been hurting for a very hurtful pain.

Potential angsty fanfictions, yes yes. (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

Leaving the video about Starscream PTSD - good soup.

(●'◡'●) Ending my rambling here because I feel I've lost my own narrative thread and I am too delulu rn - Vhaos out!