#this man is his own worst critic haha

[mandalhoerian]

the shape of grief.

as far as rafayel is concerned, pygmalion's is a horror story, not a myth. guy decides all women are beneath him, quite literally designs and builds one for himself, and somehow his narcissistic prayers for her to live are granted. what humans define as love and the stories they tell about it are always so revealing of their selfish nature. he only ever gets the appeal of it when he looks at his faceless galatea unable to take shape in his clay-sodden hands, and thinks, what wouldn't i give for you to open your eyes so that i could remember their exact color.

♯ ⸻ pure angst, sfw, 3.7k, read on ao3

note: directly inspired by this post about rafayel trying to sculpt mc/reader but not remembering her face. a bit late to this but i was hit with the procrastination fairies LMAO . i wrote this in a feverish delirium without caring for any canon at all, i apologize if rafayel is ooc !! this work assumes he has his memories of his life as the god of tides, you can think it as an AU if you believe he has no memories of it in the main timeline (yet.) This also takes place before the Addictive Pain anectode (if you like nitpicking and think why he doesn't have a photo of her and that this could have been avoided HAHA)

but without further ado, i hope you enjoy, please let me know what you thought!

The gallery Thomas had to basically bribe him to attend was cold with intention. Whitewashed walls were almost blinding beneath the overhead lights, each fixture angled to make the sculptures glow faintly at the edges like relics, a violin track playing at a volume calibrated for reverent hush with the crowd adjusting its voice accordingly. Somehow, the worst of it was that they'd scented the room with something floral and expensive, and it was clinging so offensively to the back of Rafayel’s throat and wouldn't go away no matter how much he swallowed or sipped on the drink glued to his hand.  

The exhibit was titled Breathed to Life: The Divine Muse in Modern Form. He’d read the placard twice, though once would’ve been enough. Wherever he looked, Rafayel couldn't escape from the oozed hauteur for the attempts at capturing a miracle, sculptures of taxidermied epiphanies resting under glass that was tempered with more care in Rafayel's opinion, preserved with just enough light to make the delusion shine. Words like transcendence, revelation, and worship had been worked into the catalog copy, and even the bubbles of champagne he was swirling in the flute glass was more interesting as he idly moved through the space.

He passed a piece labeled Galatea No. IV — a full-bodied woman in bronze, lips parted in awakening, arms half-lifted as if to greet the man who had imagined her, the texture of her skin smoothed to impossible precision, idealized down to the the pores with not a single wrinkle or mole.

One of the critics standing nearby called it sublime. Another said, "She looks so real I almost expect her to blink."

Rafayel said nothing. He kept walking.

A curator caught him between rooms. She was in something backless, dark green, dripping with confidence. “You must feel at home here,” she said, beaming. “Mr. Rafayel, you're the Pygmalion of our time."

He looked past her to one of his own works, mounted near the final archway. A man slouched on a low stone, arms folded, spine curved with a kind of refusal, turned away from something but looking up at it at the same time in criticism, his face gaunt with a pinch of displeasure, half-shielded by a fall of hair. No awe or supplication.

His was the only Pygmalion in the entire exhibit, and no one seemed to realize it. Rafayel had heard some talk about how progressive it was to genderbend Galatea for gay representation, or that this could be the moment Galatea came to life and rejected her maker in a plot twist. 

Rafayel had left it up to interpretation if his Pygmalion was looking at Galatea at all. He was staring past her — past all of them, really. Every woman he ever imagined beneath him, too dull or too much or too sharp to matter. A man convinced that the thing he made was a compromise, that he’d been forced to shape it because nothing real had measured up. Neither a lover, nor a muse. A reflection bent to fit him. And maybe resenting how much of himself had ended up in the marble anyway. Nothing of the yearning saint the myth preferred. 

The gallery had tried to soften this image of human ugliness within the divine benevolence of Galateas all around, projecting wind through bare branches beside the figure, trying to frame the posture as meditative. They titled the piece Invocation. Rafayel wasn't even asked before they changed the name and he was definitely having a talk about it with Thomas after.

He offered the curator a a dismissive hand. “A flattering comparison. Though I hear his success rate depended entirely on divine intervention.”

She laughed, unsure whether it was flirtation or rebuke. “Still, what an honor. So many of us see ourselves in the myth, don’t we? The ones who love so deeply we bring our muses to life.”

He excused himself with a nod that meant nothing. Her perfume followed him down the corridor.

The flowing hallway was a blur of marble, alabaster, glass, bronze, the women luminous and soft, the men always absent — except in the titles. The Sculptor’s Prayer. In the Hands of the Maker. Love Before Breath. One artist had suspended a torso in resin, veins threaded with copper, the heart cavity open and waiting with the accompanying quote that read: “She lives because I saw her clearly enough.”

Rafayel stopped in front of it. The figure inside was beautiful and fragile, designed to be admired.

He traced the edge of the plinth with one fingertip and thought: She lives because you needed her to. Not because she wanted to.

He left the gallery floor and stepped into the auxiliary corridor lined with donor plaques and black-and-white photographs. One showed a young couple posed beside a sculpture mid-process. The woman’s face was amicable, and the man looked directly into the camera, his hand on the small of her back. The caption read: The original Galatea — forever immortalized by love.

He looked at it until the focus dissolved, and the polished surface of the frame stopped reflecting anything but his own cold expression.

Pygmalion was granted his wish. That alone was enough to make Rafayel despise him. 

A man shapes greed with his hands, pulls at the skirts of heavens like a petulant child, and the gods — watching from a distance they rarely breach — clap their hands in glee and say yes.

The myth pretended that mercy could be earned by longing, that a body sculpted by a beholder who sees himself so above others is owed because he called it love. There was no weight in that kind of miracle, only cruelty dressed as grace, a prayer granted just to mock the millions that weren't. 

Pygmalion was the epitome of human selfishness, the final limit where want transformed into greed for more than the world could grant. Only his statue, made by his own greedy hands and given life through someone else's breath, was beautiful, because only she embodied perfection to him, not because she was worth desiring but because he desired her. Pygmalion's love didn't reach past his self, it served only to feed himself and satiate him with the sight of his narcissism, like any other creation brought to life by humans for their own benefit; machines built to kill, guns painted gold so they look like art when killing — all just tools made to feed men's hunger for more.

But he would have never cared about Pygmalion if it wasn't for the gods.

Because Rafayel envied those gods, all too human in their vanity, for the power and might they wielded to give so easily like that. Their ability to move mountains without ever being touched by grief, to pull strings that bind worlds without fearing losing something of theirs; it was unfathomable to someone so bound in mortal tethers such as he.

It must feel so freeing, living like that, he thought. Must feel so good, pulling at other lives like they are your playthings. So easy to get lost in those dreams.

The same way he did back then.

The disdain covering Rafayel in a second skin as if he was an oil-soaked seagull was fuel enough to get back to work after that travesty of a gallery.

He’d been developing a concept for a painting — a large-scale composition of a coral-devoured, bleeding cathedral submerged in the sea, its steeples fractured and stretching toward the surface in a gesture that evoked both surrender and yearning, an image meant to convey the contradictions of loss and reverence, a symbolic convergence of decay and devotion. At least that’s what the so-called critics were about to yammer on about. It in fact was the fate of a certain buyer Rafayel was targeting, and the message was meant for his people and his people only.

The draft lived on the sketchbook propped against his raised knees, his legs crossed on the high stool, charcoal gripped tightly in one hand and smudging downwards the length of a pillar as he added textures and shadows to create depth. It was a hasty thing, but effective at illustrating what he envisioned, complete with notes scribbled around the edges, jotted reminders for little details here and there he needed to add to truly flesh out the piece later on. Rafayel was so distracted by a couple more things to add to the sketch that the canvas already prepared beneath the dome skylight felt neglected despite the brushes sitting ready and dipped in paint atop a palette of bruised violet scraped from stormclouds, diluted ultramarine, blue fog, a soft grime green of oxidized copper, rotten ivory, a sliver of warm rust, a cold pink scraped from the underbelly of spent roses, and more.

And yet, when he finally got up to start for good, his gaze drifted elsewhere.

Toward the bust armature.

Rafayel stood beside it, hands in the pockets of his black suit pants, head tilted sideways with one hand playing with it in thought. He loosened the buttons of the white dress shirt he wore after flinging off that horrid tie, sleeves pushed to mid forearms as he dragged a stool and took a seat before the armature, right elbow propped atop the round table to the side holding supplies, chin resting on knuckles, now gazing up at the base of the clay cast while chewing the inside of his cheek.

He had always told himself he would return to it when he was ready, when time had softened the raw, exposed nerve endings of loss, when he could render your likeness with a steady hand instead of a shaking one.

But then months stretched into a year, days faded into seasons which blended together into a period of numbness broken occasionally by an intrusive thought here and there while he focused on Lemuria and Lemuria only, and then — nothing. Until it was easier not to think about it at all. He became absorbed in his mission, dedicated to getting revenge, and avoided thoughts of you, for all intents and purposes, until moments like these where he simply sat in silence looking up at a form without feature to remind him why exactly he did what he did.

Galatea, huh?

He crossed the room with the same distracted focus he used to summon bruyous, hands rummaging through the storage shelves until he found the sealed bag of clay, not expecting it to be heavier than he remembered, dense with neglect. Dumping it unceremoniously beside the armature, he sliced it open, letting the block fall onto the slab table with a dull, resistant thud, finding it cold to the touch, too stiff to yield immediately, so he pressed it between his palms, wetting them, working the material slowly until the top layer lost its brittleness.

He didn't sit right away, hovering over the lump with furrowed brows, kneading it down into something usable, folding in water from the bowl on the side, rotating it as he moved, pushing and turning until the tension bled out. Once softened, he dunked the mass onto the metal plate mounted over the dented and sluggish, old man of a banding wheel. Only then did he sit, lowering himself onto a battered wooden stool, one bare foot braced against the leg of the wheel’s base while the other nudged gently to angle it.

All done. He reached for the wire loop tool without thinking or looking over, fingers already coated in the dull slip of moisture and clay.

The first lines came quick and confident. Indents for the eyes. The line of a nose. Just scaffolding, clearing a space where you might return to him, the only sound in the room the soft grind of his tools and his breathing. 

He narrowed the chin, adjusted the brow. Then sat back, frowning.

Too young. This was closer to the child at the beach who had hooked pinkies with him. 

He scraped the forehead flat again, thumb dragging clay down like peeling skin. The smoothed face stared up at him in blank reprieve, a temporary erasure before he tried again, less baby fat on the cheeks, sharper cheekbones this time, a more adult curve to the jaw, something more defined around the eyes, though he wasn’t sure what. A firmer mouth, perhaps. A stronger line. He reworked the nose — it ended up being too straight the first time and he chided himself for the mistake, then he decided it was too narrow, crooked it just slightly at the bridge, something he'd sworn felt right.

It wasn't long before the moment slipped from his fingers, and all the revisions felt more like mistakes than anything, tilting the whole balance of the face into something uncanny. He could pretend it was nearly familiar, but only in the way dreams pretended to be memory.

With an annoyed click of his tongue, Rafayel tilted the wheel. Leaning in with an emotion-tense strain in his spine, he angled the bust toward the overhead light until the shadows shifted and spilled away from the features he’d laid out like a confession.

He stood up for a burning stretch to contemplate, stepped back, squinted with his head tilted, and stepped forward again.

Was it just him? The angle? The lighting? The fatigue of the gallery distorting everything?

After he sat back down with more determination to get over whatever this slump was that made him get you wrong over and over again, one adjustment in the temple led to a collapse in the jawline, and the later correction to the mouth made the chin too long.

The realization that the eyes looked distant now and he couldn’t tell if it was him failing the depth or the absence of something deeper was particularly worrying. Rafayel had always trusted the process, but this didn’t feel like a detour into arriving at the same destination, the clay was actually resisting him in a non-art block way and it was starting to actually bother him. 

He scraped again, set the brow differently, ignoring the thing niggling at him at the back of his head and brushing against some the internal nerve. Was it ever really that shape? Or had he once wanted it to be, and kept telling you about how doing your brows that way would compliment your features better when Algie had sat you down before the vanity in your room to try out some dresses for the ceremony and work on make-up to go along with each one of them?

The clay warped gently beneath his fingers as he tried to trust the sensation, but every stroke seemed to subtract rather than add. The frustration Rafayel hadn't sensed had made its way into his hands like fire following the path of a wick, making the cheekbone dip under the tool, and he had to sit back straighter with a huff from his nose. 

His eyes flew all over the features of the bust, the whole incomplete face. Rafayel couldn't even call it yours. One mistake or two could be expected, even pictures could be unflattering. But it was worse than that — he couldn’t figure out where it had gone wrong. The structure was exactly the same, proportions were what he remembered. The surface was close to reality enough to breathe, but the person who would come to life if they did wasn’t you, and he didn't know where he had gone wrong. 

Rafayel stared longer. A pressure grew behind his ribs, and it was beginning to feel like trying to hum a melody he hadn’t heard in years. The more he reached for it, the more the silence beneath it yawned open.

He reached up and pressed his palm against the clay, not to shape, just to feel if it might suddenly remember for him.

It didn’t.

This was someone else. Too much of him.

He looked down at his hands, coated in slip and streaked with fine dust, and flexed the fingers slowly as though wondering how long they’d been disobeying him.

He pressed the backs of the base knuckles of his thumbs into the inner corners of his eyes. Into the tear ducts.

Where was the scar you used to trace absently while thinking? He tried to recall the way your mouth moved when you were amused but trying not to smile. Was it one side that curled first? Or both? He had drawn it once, years ago, sketched it from memory with absolute certainty. But when he reached for it now, he found only doubt.

The chair scraped backwards and nearly toppled as he sprang to his feet, crossing to the small cabinet beside the canvas where he kept what little he dared to revisit. He almost flung the drawer halfway through the room when he yanked it open, pulled the first sketchpad he could reach, pages flipping too and frenzied to register until he paused and kept going through them slower to make sense of it. 

Eyes, alone. Dozens of them. Glancing sideways, gazing directly, lowered in thought, every single one of them slightly different in expression, none of them quite right. A nose rendered in three-quarter view with a soft crease that might have been tension. The arch of a brow, mid-expression — concern, maybe? Hair texture studies in every style you wore it that he remembers. A mouth caught in a smile with no cause. Hands more frequently than anything else — folded gently, held in motion, reaching out. The gesture of a wrist mid-turn, the curve of a knuckle mid-thought. A sketch of a nape that vanished into the shadows of the page’s lower edge.

None of them carried your name. But they were you. Bits of you. Shards. And every one of them had been committed to the page when he hadn’t even meant to — absentminded, between tasks, in the margins of other projects. A fragmented archive of heartbreak he’d been too cowardly to complete. As if assembling you would demand an answer to where you had gone, as if seeing it finished would require confronting what it meant for him to have stayed, inviting something too vast and unhealed to fit back inside him without breaking something else a lie in full.

Rafayel had underestimated the sheer amount of notebooks he'd gone through for years now, like paper towels one would wipe away their tears with. The grudges he'd immortalized left to collect dust and avoided religiously.

He could only look through a draft of your eyes and hold on to the sketchbook for dear life when his vision blurred and something trickled down his cheek. One by one, the tears solidified into pearls, striking the floor and rolling away into obscurity among the chaos of his studio.

Dropped right into the throes of a realization far bigger than he could accept.

Like a dream that slipped away upon waking, your face had receded to the place where Lemuria had sunk — unable to be grasped fully or played back clearly unless he called them forth, the rest reduced to snippets and gestures instead, images that flickered through his mind like slides projected on a screen, ephemeral and fading faster the harder he fought to keep hold of them. What remained was abstraction — softness that used to be hair, the dimple of an incisor tooth, a tilt of the mouth that belonged to laughter. Those fragments still possessed color. What they lacked were definitions that would allow him to shape the clay in your image.

He went through more sketchbooks until the last of it joined the pile around him and he was left standing motionless in the wreckage of graphite and paper spilling open across the floor like overturned reliquaries, pages fluttering mockingly gentle under the breeze nudging through the half-cracked windows, reflecting back a half-you, or an almost-you. He stared at them for a long time without moving, eyes dragging from shape to shape, as if willing one to speak with your voice.

What answered was a notification pinging in his pocket, a sound so mundane amid the shambles of his misery. He pulled his phone out in a detached daze, swiping at it with no thought.

Thomas: Pygmalion and Galatea gallery photos are up on their page! Your attendance was well publicized and people are talking about your piece, so I expect requests for interviews soon. Just letting you know 😃

 His knees gave out before the grief did, he caught the armrest at the very last possible second, and slid down the length of the sofa's side.

She lives because I saw her clearly enough. Those words barricaded his mind like blood rushing to fill a bruise.

Rafayel was a creature built from ripples, shaped by a lineage of memory so ancient it existed without written record, a primordial awareness of past pains and future sufferings alike, generations upon generations worth of invisible scar tissues patching him up like a rag doll. Cities had fallen and crumbled behind him, yet he could name their street corners and the songs sung during their funerals.

So why — how — had you slipped from him this way?

The thought unspooled inside him slowly, a wet thread tugged from a wound so raw that Rafayel didn’t dare touch it. He had thought, in some arrogant, buried part of him, that if he ever tried, truly allowed himself to miss you more than he mourned his people, and stopped tormenting himself by creating puzzle pieces of you out of scraps in his refusal to obtain a photo of you living your new life, he would be able to rebuild you perfectly. Even the gods who breathed life into Galatea would turn green with envy.

His gaze crawled back to the Frankenstein's monster of a bust, all unrelated bits and pieces that had looked like you when isolated but made no sense when he put them together, taking the shape of grief itself.

She lives because I saw her clearly enough.

He tossed the phone aside without giving Thomas an answer, threw his head back to lean on the lip of the couch, and covered his face with a forearm.

And at last, bitterly, he realized he was no different than Pygmalion: longing for the memory of a woman to etch itself into life.

[pinazee]

He dead aka the Christine Baranski episode!

This was a nice little united moment between shawn and henry. But dont lie to your spouse! Thats just disrespectful man.

Iconic. Just iconic

Okay, ya’ll know Shawns my boy…but it was absolutely negligent to not share those paths with the cops. I mean, the guy was dying. He was banging that tree limb against the plane for at least an hour! Maybe they could have got to him faster if they’d shared this map! This might be the worst thing he’s done on the show haha

Gus just loves money man. Adding hedge funds to his niche interests, also, nice callback to his previous tennis interest

THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE JOKES ON THE SHOW. Followed by the second best of the ep. These had to be james lines right?

St. Dwynwen was the welsh patron saint of lovers and its weird that shawn knows that but its even weirder that this latina is wearing it and not, like, the catholic saint valentine or even saint monica. Which means it was probably a gift from the dead guy. My point is, do you think henry taught shawn all the religious symbols, or was it something he picked up?

The line that christine baranski had that the family hides their jewishness didn’t really register to me as a middle schooler, but now im like damn. This is why you gotta rewatch stuff okay, the context changes!

You know whens a good time to catch a murderer? At the funeral for the deceased. No notes.

I…okay, this episode made me really dislike abigail. She said she would respect the boundary he set, even explained why he set it, and she completely ignored it and did what she wanted anyways. But then he goes to the dinner anyways, henry immediately says this:

And then her advise is…share your emotions? Clearly the problem is that henry doesn’t respect shawns choices, she even stated that herself. and if anything, shawns problem is he struggles to accept that henry can change or even has in some regards and thats whats keeping them locked in the same arguments over and over. shawn sees him one way and henrys pride and stubbornness makes him pout and say “fine, then i am that way.” But also, Shawn is the child, he does not have to be the bigger person in this relationship. Yes, for his own mental health, it would probably be better for him if he found a way to exist with his dad without getting upset or feeling like crap, but if henrys serious about building a better relationship himself, then he needs to strap on his big boy pants and stop criticizing his childs every move. I just 😤

…anyways, Abigail should have stayed out of it. I get that she was trying to help but then we didn’t get a scene of her apologizing, which she needed to do.

Sidenote: checking in with your partner… is that something people do? Just call to be like, hey still alive? Is that a gen X thing or??

P.S season 4 is the season of self acknowledgment.

[sn-oozer]

The big "nuh-huh" or the TPS fandom member counterattacking

After contemplating the juicy volume of mean comments towards the cartoon, I've decided that it would be awesome to state some things and do a role swap in this old ahh war between the tiny amount of fans and a big ol' pack of haters.

First of all, I declare and swear that I do not call anyone to do online fights, to spread hatred or condemnation based on interests, tastes, etc. All personal, it shouldn't affect people. I just have enough courage and stupidity, I am as fearless as a honey badger.

***

Even before I got involved in the fandom, I saw at least two videos about how bad this show is. Looking it up now, I'm even more amazed by the amount of people saying the same over and over (and over and over) again.

People speaking about special and unique artstyles, plot and character dynamics...are stating all the same??

Like, you know, average "The problem solverz is garbage" video is usually... this. I know, it's a weird thing to notice, but come on!! First they say that the show is rushed, then they cover the bare minimum.

"I'm gonna tell why this show is bad! Because it's bad!"...and they're saying it for 5 minutes at best, sometimes 10. Isn't THAT mellow? It's like they're taking negative reviews, chatGPTng them into one and reading from a paper sheet.

1. MEAN of me and of them. >:(

I should also never forget how these people act on camera. Saying your personal thoughts (I hope they're not copying other's videos and their opinions are just similar) on the show is normal. That's what a review is, it can be negative or positive, sure thing.

But why are they so... arrogant or something about it? Just yesterday I saw a vid that ended with "Don't watch bad cartoons, watch me instead!"

.. Dude. Hear me out, dude. My man, my comrade, pal, buddy, fella. How's watching you yapping about some animation piece makes YOU an animation piece? Or the yapping as valuable as one, at least? What "artstyle, plot and interesting characters" does it give me? None, apart from at least 30 seconds of a segment of it that has zero sound regulation and million decibels of loudness, I'm well aware.

Great job NOT managing the audio tracks, asshole author, I love when it's barely possible to hear you and then you hit your viewer with a sonic boom. Yes, I do know that it can be funny when there's something suddenly being loud, it's my favourite and that's how I can tell when it's low quality editing and when it's a meme. They can't just rant about the show's technical side and then let audio issues slide for their own content. Don't they know that sound design is always essential?

The humour part is also questionable. Once their miserable 16 minutes at best of video starts, they waste it on gags and sketches sometimes. Next they'll be using sock puppets or anything and arguing with them. Saying that a show is unfunny after pretending that you achieved some comedy gold skills is...eh? What if I want an actual review, Iwant at least an hour of explanation why, how and what to do to make the show look or feel better. Not this:

Hi —> Problem Solvers Bad! —> joke —> ugly —> joke haha —> me funny, it's not— > me cool! — > watch MY favourite series instead! —> bye!

I can clearly see WHY they choose TPS for such content. Most likely it makes them seem advanced in their sphere of activity, otherwise I see no reason for speaking about the same cartoon when someone already said something. What would they need a proper scenario, jokes or even points for if they can just say "listen. Problem Solverz is bad! My [someone] called me and said that! My eyes." There was even an attempt to make "the worst animation series of the year" thing. At the same time, there is no competition among critics, why so?

Surely, I'm not talking about every review youtuber in the world. I won't even name them, I won't tell their channels or links to them. There are people who said positive stuff, having great points.

2. Reviews

The reviews are repeatative, of course they are. I can totally agree that the show has it's issues and it's not for everyone. Just like any other show. We know the etiquette, "we're all different in our preferences and tastes" is a damn motto! It works both ways.

But can't they..like...dig deeper into it? Let's see what they're saying most of the time, what's the matter with the show:

1. "My eyes!"

Yes. That's the artstyle. It's all on purpose. We have 8 episodes in the second season for those who "doesn't want eye aches". Ben Jones knew what he's doing.

2. "It's ugly, It's like it was made by a 4 year old".

And then we have South Park or something. Nobody whines about it's artstyle. We have Pilotredsun, for god's sake, a really good music maker and artist. Why don't they say that about Paper Rad as a whole, instead speaking of only one show??

3. "It's boring, the writing is weird".

Well, they had to fit a crazy ahh adventure in 11 minutes. The issue was fixed in the second season, again, but at what cost?

4. "No funnies"

Absolutely subjective, humor is a difficult thing. Humor has many forms, it's subtle, I guess. The pilot (or even both of them) showed how it works. Are they cats or something, do they really need someone to direct their attention to something artificially? Maybe a laugh track to emphasize a joke, a "badum tsss"?

5. "The main characters don't feel alive/human/like they have a personality"

They're missing the rare moments of character model change for better expression. As if they're sitting through several 10 minute episodes to notice.

5.1. "ALFE IS SO ANNOYING I HATE HIM"

They're just jealous of him /j

First they're saying that the characters are "flat". Then they're saying that Alfe is annoying. Because he actually has established hobbies, interests, senses (hunger lmao) and has at least several deadly sins in him? Because it's always in the viewer's face? Well, if it's not emphasized, it won't be noticed according to them.

I still think it's a matter of character archetype and artstyle...

3. Activities

The entire fanbase has like... several tiny communities. Like the one on Reddit or here, maybe also Amino. The show is favoured by around 33 people on archive org. Let's remember the population of people on earth at the moment. A fandom with the size of a blood cell, that's what we are.

And I saw at least once, that a person just went and posted the usual "show bad". Not on their page, not on a review page. On a fan community.

It's obvious that this user just watched the show or maybe a review on it, did a little brain work, searched for a fan community and posted this. I'm sure the fandom doesn't get into any platform algorithms to get popular. There's no real reason for anyone to try to get on the fanbase's nerves. And I don't even know the number of such cases. May be small, may be average, may be huge.

4. The whole show's position

It's unpopular. The fact is that people consciously go to watch this show when they hear about it, and they can choose not to. Again, the motto. It's been years since it's last airing, it's enough for a human baby to reach adolescentce or something. And people still kinda treat it like it's on their TV suddenly, unskipabble, with nothing else to watch. You 🫵, me, us and anyone else are free to watch anything they want on the internet, anywhere, in any quality. There's no need to try to get in a fight with the fans. They choose to watch the show even if they're warned, they get dazzled and then upset.

5. The grand final

How about people quit trying to milk The Problem Solverz hatred and...I dunno, go fight the real deal? The Internet is really taken over by artificial intelligence, you know? The "dumb show S1E2 plot"? The "meow meow meow meow meow 😔" vids. By actually rushed content, the brainrot that is real. The obvious unprofessionals trying to seize the children's animation industry, Elsagate going on and on, the cropped woo-hoo content, the farms. And somehow, it makes the people behind it millionaires in terms of subscribers and views. Where were you, anti ugly-eyestrain-arstyles and animation/plot writing gurus when you were needed before it was too late??

***

I hope that's the first and the last time I post such things, oh my.

[celestie0]

Hii! This is my first time messaging any fanfic author (I'm an extremely anxious person and tend to be more of a lurker LOL) I'm so sorry but this might be a long one lmfao

First of all, the way you write in general? Absolutely phenomenal!! The way you characterise and describe scenes is honestly so incredibly immersing. I've always had a relatively easy time imagining scenes in my head when reading, even with relatively little detail, but the way you word everything puts the scene straight into my head and it's such a wonderful experience!

Your characterisation of Gojo (in all your works!!) is probably my absolute favourite out of any fanfics I've read of him (trust me I've read an embarrassing amount :sob:). The way you actually capture what he feels like in canon, without making him feel super mean or cold, but still retaining that side of being emotionally repressed is absolutely chefs kiss!!

I also really love y/n in both kickoff and ihm so much. I relate to both of them in different ways, but probably more so ihm reader personality wise (might also be because I'm around the same age as her lmao). As someone who is very emotionally repressed due to trauma (especially of loved ones leaving you), the way you've portrayed those sides of reader in ihm is VERY spot on!! And I would like to add that I, for one, LOVE slow burn, so I don't mind the pace ihm is going at right now personally!

Chapter 12 of Kickoff?!?!? Holy shit I was literally sat there blushing, kicking my feet and giggling. It was absolutely hilarious and super cliché in the absolutely best way possible (I absolutely love clichés if they're well used!)

I could honestly wait years for anything you write. Never feel any pressure to churn out your writing and take it at your own pace!! My genuine first thought after finishing the latest chapter of Kickoff was that it was sooo worth the wait haha.

Personally I have an extremely hard time writing anything but angst, because I like making myself sad I guess who knows LOL But I'm sooo excited about your next work!! I absolutely love the song you're basing it off of <3

AND did I also see some talk about a potential Spider-man Gojo fic in the future??? Cos I would honestly probably scream (in a good way lol) if you ever did that, he's my alltime favourite superhero!!

Okok this is getting really long, but I found this photo of four football players a bit ago and thought I absolutely HAD to draw them as Gojo, Geto, Choso and Nanami from Kickoff (adding the art at the bottom)! But I haven't gotten around to colouring it yet (or cleaning it up considering it's just a sketch lmaoo) cos I'm stuck on how to do the jerseys. So I have two questions! I know you've explained the colours of their jerseys, but do you have any particular idea in mind of what the design on the jersey itself looks like? As in where the colours are placed specifically etc? And we know Gojo's signature jersey number, but do you have numbers for the rest of them too? (I may or may not also have a wip of a drawing of just Gojo from Kickoff too!)

I'm sorry there's A LOT of different plot points in my message??? The most important part was just to convey, hey, I love the way you write and you should definitely give yourself some more credit cos you are genuinely a really good writer!! <3 (Though I know us artists tend to be our own worst critics LOL)

hi love i’m so sorry this took me a sec to respond to!! first off thanks you so much for sending me such a sweet ask :’’’) i literally gaspeddd when i saw it

aaa i’m so happy the scenes feel immersive!! and that you enjoy my characterization of gojo aaa i’m so happy to hear that. and yes i totally relate to ihm reader’s suppression of her emotions due to trauma and lack of trust so it’s been very…cathartic yet challenging to write for her, but i wouldn’t have it any other way hahah

i’m so glad you enjoyed kickoff ch12!! i totally agree that chapter was so cliche, honestly it made me cringe while i was writing it because i typically hate cliches esp when they’re corny rather than on-the-nose, but i posted it anyways bc i figured maybe i just hate it bc i’m the author xd but it seems my readers enjoyed it so :’’0 perhaps i made the right choice

oh you are too kind. i really appreciate you looking out for me <3 tbh i’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately, and it’s been really hard to deal with the emotions, but coming on here and seeing sweet works n ppl interacting w my stories brings me lots of happiness n i can’t thank you enough :’’) yes i will definitely take my time bahahha that i can assure you LOL and i’m so happy to know you’re looking forward to more of my works!! you’re so right about artists/authors being our own worst critics. i swear no one has been as mean to my writing as i have LMFAOOO but alas i think i’ve gotten better in trusting my direction n kinda choosing what i think is best soooo. progress i suppose? hahah

ok. now. i can talk about. THE ART?!?!?!?!? HELLO!!!!!!! OH MY GODD?!?!!?!?! ok i KNOWWW that’s it’s just a sketch so far but tell me whERE MY PANTIES HAVE GONE?!?!?!? WHERE MY CLOTHES ARE AT?!?!??!

the expression on kickoff gojo’s face has me reeling he looks so focused n sexy and THE HEADBAND PUSHING HIS HAIR UP OUT OF HIS FACE YES YES YES 100% THAT’S HOW I PICTURE IT WHEN I WRITE AAA and kickoff geto’s expression too pls i could cum (sorry i hope this isn’t weird to say lmfaooo i am also very respectfully looking at your artwork as well aaa) nanami’s hair looks so nice too

as for the uniforms hmm i know i said like gold and blue colors, i believe actual real-life UTOKYO has more of a yellowish color but i actually like gold better hence why i chose gold. but…i can imagine the whole jersey being blue and then with gold accents then white numbering?

here are some options!! like w the first one, probs sky blue fabric with the white stripes as gold instead, and then the numbers/brand sponsors or whatever are in white? they would probs have like “UTOKYO” in large print somewhere too, maybe underneath their numbers or sumn. tbh i think the middle one is the nicest, i can picture the stripes of blue and gold, and then accents in white. but the third one also works too!!

as for numbers hmm. ok yes gojo is #10, geto is #7, choso is #4 and nanami is #24 :0 that sounds…about right! LOL i hope i don’t have it somewhere in the other chapters that they are different numbers although i don’t think i’ve assigned the other boys numbers before

BUT I HOPE THIS HELPS AND THANKS SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH FOR DRAWING FANART INSPIRED BY MY FIC!!!! I AM SO HUMBLED BY YOU AND I’M SOOOO EXCITED TO SEE THE FINAL DRAWING BUT ALSO NO PRESSURE AAAAAAAA

so much loveee <333

[beevean]

And onto Rush Adventure now:

-Tbh at first i wasnt sold on the materials grinding for ships but later liked how it gives you a reason to improve your scores on the levels so you can get more. Idk i usually dont care abt scores but w the external motivation? Yea

-Same w the misions, good way to have lil extra stuff to do (that said why did they block the sound mode songs behind misions. Game pls my internet makes opening youtube an odyssey and now this too? Cruelty 😔)

-Oh and also the ship minigames! Its fun to have a map you can explore, and the races w Jhonny for the chaos emeralds are way better than the Surely Existing special levels (also srry if i got his name wrong lmao)

-Onto the soundtrack; its more broad compared to rush, and each song does matches well the enviroment. I like the tropical coastal vibes of the main town n training level, and oh man. Sky babylon and deep core my beloveds who literally got engraved in my neurons so hard i was struggling reading hours later bc the darn tunes kept playing in the background of my skull. Well scratch that all the tunes keep playing on the bg of my skull rn, what kind of eldritch curse is this). So yes good ost 👍

-Overall the aesthetic n vibes are also more broad with that tropical relax overtone, its quite nice. The difficulty is also way more forgiving (i mean i played on easy but that's the mode the game came in) and the tutorials with the controls are helpful (yes i struggled with the jump dash in the previous game how can you tell)

- The story is also more calm and silly goofy but in a good way (can def see what ppl mean by the diff eras in sonic writing there). I also liked Whisker being the main but kinda dumb villain for funnies vs the eggmans being a bigger threat)

-I liked the scene in the coral cave where Blaze appears bc my mind was half "haha i knew we were in Blaze's world, neat" and " weeee hi Blaze, game of the year :D"

-Marine was also neat, liked her silly dynamic of cheerful kid who is a bit too full of herself and is kind of a brat abt it, and how she later learns to admit her own limits :) And the koala villagers were neat too i like their designs :)

Overall thank you for letting me ramble into your ask box abt these games, its been fun :D

lmao yeah it's a nice incentive! I think the only other game that gives you a reward with higher ranks is Unwiished (another Dimps game), where the higher the rank the more medals you get.

also sonic 🤝 hector:having to earn their crafting materials

The missions are a good way to extend the gameplay, but IIRC some of the Sol Emerald missions were brutal... I have flashes of the Blizzard Peak mission.

The waterbike was genuinely really fun and I hated that it was considered the "worst" vehicle for travel :( I don't like the submarine, let me travel the world on my tiny waterbike while the best music plays :( also yeah the Special Stages with Johnny are original! Certainly more than Half Pipe 50.0

SRA'S OST was composed by veterans Tomoya Ohtani and Mariko Nanba while trying to recreate Naganuma's style. Definitely unique and underrated. Sky Babylon used to be my favorite too! But there are so many tracks that IMO deserve more love, like Haunted Ship, Blizzard Peaks, the boss theme and Whiskers & Johnny <3

Funny to think SRA came out one year after '06, widely criticized at the time for being too melodramatic :P Whiskers is also a nice case of Eggman being the twist villain for once! Although the credits of the "bad" ending spoil him and Nega, lol. Not that Whiskers looks mysterious himself... eh you get it.

Marine seems to have been reevaluated recently, like many things from the 2000s. I remember that back then no one could stand her and her Aussie accent lmao, precisely because she was an annoying brat. She is still mildly underrated, but I think the modern fandom generally "forgave" her because they understood that she was meant to be a foil for Tails, who is more insecure.

(two fun facts: in some countries, SRA initially got a 12+ rating because Marine says "bugger", which is pretty mild for Aussie slang but is much stronger for American standards. Also, Marine is Australian because in original she speaks in Kansai-ben, and I guess that was a way to recreate the cultural connotations! That and koalas :P)

You're welcome, you're free to rant at any time <3

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Impatient anon again 👋🏻

I'm always excited to see you posting asks it helps me to ease my mind and do a reality check. Since the release of "Seven" I felt kinda guilty and isolated for my reaction to it (mostly because of lyrics/rap part) in the ocean of adoration and praise about JK's choices in chapter 2 from everyone else. Then I stumbled across your post and it was exactly what I was feeling/thinking at that time. I instantly felt "I'm not the only one!!" I'm not crazy!!" So thank you for that 😊

And I like to listen to your thoughts because I personally don't see it as pessimistic or dramatic, just raw. You don't sugarcoat things and I'm all in for that. To me it sounds quite rational even if it come across as rude or harsh to others. I guess I have the same style of expressing myself: emotions + explanations 😂 I am an emotional person but I always use critical thinking and somehow tend to "roast" the people I love the most (because of emotional involvement and instant reactions).

I love and admire his personality. He is my favourite versatile singer. His voice...is truly healing. But now I can't feel the magic. I'm just an observer who is trying to trust his choices (even if it's questionable sometimes but what do I know about the industry he is working in?). I don't know what to connect to anymore (his lack of artistry/creativity) and that what makes me sad the most. No excitement, more like anxiety for the new releases 😂 I just miss my man talking to bugs and fish and kissing his dog endlessly on his cozy lives ❤️‍🔥 But he chose to release p*rn songs (ah, sorry, matuuuure and honest) and be more "sharp and powerful". Ok 🙃 (btw I'm not against it just wanted him to write the lyrics himself, make it sensual and kill the whole fandom with it. Imo he could make it tastier not that provocative/edgy/american~ish to show his "mature" side). Or maybe it's just me.

I absolutely adore his softness (it's rare in men and I don't necessarily think that's all he has as for his character), I just wish he could accept this side of him without trying to look a particular way in the eyes of the public. But realistically thinking with his position in life this must be the hardest thing for him to do. Not to overthink. Can't even imagine the pressure and craziness of his life. I want an excursion to his brain to finally understand him without drowning in my own assumptions about him (or others). He is always saying something without further proper explanation in the interviews and...I just can't with him 😅

And what's for the teaser...I liked the quality (great director), the vibe and even the song. Sounds better than seven judging by the tiny snippet but the lyrics... I'm expecting the worst 😁 Something is telling me it won't pass the misogyny examination of Namjoon's female professor he is always consulting with on this topic. Let's see what will happen tomorrow 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

*sorry for any mistakes and over explaining, English is not my native language (but I tried 😅).

Hi impatient anon! Thank you so much for the warm reassurances!!! I'm very happy you can relate to me. I can relate to you as well. I post stuff not only to get if off my chest and process my feelings, but also in hopes that anons like you will reach out and I can feel understood! I understand the way your mind works and the over explaining part haha. I'm the same. I have reservations about Jungkook's songs, and dread them more than anticipate them as well, which kinda sucks haha. I think we're going to get generic lyrics, overtly sexual on Jack Harlow's side, subtle on Jungkook's, with Jungkook walking around holding a bat (he's so baby face, how is he supposed to look tough? and that's such a cliché anyway), and the trailer seemed nice, but who knows what will come of the MV! Fingers crossed though!

Thanks for the ask! I'll see you on the other side! Make sure to over explain your thoughts on the MV later! My ask box is always open!!

[llycaons]

ep14 (p2): oh god oh fuck

in comes madame yu. it's absolutely insane the impact she has on the story and characters despite being in what, three scenes? four? her influence...

it hurts so much to see wwx so small and obedient in her presence. also WHAT is everyone so mad at him for! he saved jc's life! isn't that the important thing! he's just a punching bag because everyone is mad and because myu hates him and wants to vent

another example of myu being a terrible politician too blinded by her own issues: actually saving the heirs to the other clans is a REALLY good move that earns the jiangs allies in the inevitable war against the wens! they're also sure to be well-trained young cultivators whos assistance would really help during wartime!

and jc believes this didn't he! he believed it right up until the reveal! he tried to kill wwx with that knowledge that his mom was right the whole time!

worth noting that when myu goes too far here, jfm does push back. he's characterized as impotent and spineless, but he stands up here, shouts to myu to quiet her, tries to walk her away. this kind of sucks bc it just villifies myu more, but honestly I think jfm even doing what he can couldn't keep her from being herself

ohhh triangulation or whatever this is called. delicious

jc seriously almost made me cry here this is such a nightmare and I feel so bad for him

not to mention poor fucking wwx over there who has to hear these insults to HIS parents which he can't even acknowledge or defend against because this isn't about him! nothing is about him he's just an interloper the jiang family graciously took off the streets! he owes them everything and he doesn't have the right to speak back to them and he doesn't truly belong here! nightmare nightmare. despite everything im so glad he's out of that environment postcanon

see above. even being forceful won't work unless he wants to physically remove her, which he probably can't

another devastating shot here. it's so horrifying that jc has to deal with all this and STILL he's not in the worst position because at least he's allowed to be upset by it. and at least wwx will always be there to support him

...or so he thinks

oh I love this sequence! zooming in and out and back and forth as jc strides away and wwx tries to catch up to him. it captures the atmosphere of the scene so well, frantic and dynamic

KING OF OPEN COMMUNICATION 16 YR OLD WWX!!!!

jc is literally right and wwx can't even deny it. he can't even say 'no he loves you' but 'oh that's crazy haha what kind of father doesn't love their own son?' well. jfm doesn't

this is such good emotional support and jc literally can't even thank him for it he just has to be a dick and keep on blaming wwx for everything. the perpetual scapegoat! his emotional punching bag! the brother he can't ever support in turn!

jc can't stop hurting him and criticizing him, and wwx can't accept that he did anything wrong. this isn't a heartwarming or bonding moment between them, it's just another example of wwx pouring energy into supporting and encouraging jc, who rejects it and disrespects him for his efforts. it's another disagreement on something neither will budge on that goes unresolved. it's not even the beginning of the end. that started long before this. but it's emblematic of ways their relationship will disintegrate even though in this very conversation wwx swears to be jc's right hand man.

[missellafitz]

More Theories

So, I have been reading Tony O's book on Frank, and he has a few references in it about Ella, particularly a mention that, while Frank preferred to go out to dinner, he would also, occasionally go to Dean Martin's house or Ella's house. And it hit me just this morning (while I should be doing research for work, haha). There are some real facts about this tidbit.

Ella did not cook. She loved reading cookbooks, but she didn't cook at all (outside of a small mention she made in an interview about cooking for her nieces and calling them "guinea pigs" for her experiment). Ella did have her maid cook though, so there's that.

Ella was RARELY home. She worked 48 weeks out of the year. She was only really home during the holidays, which leads me to...

Frank and Ella would've had to plan these "dinners" because, like I said, she was rarely home in Beverly Hills. Meaning, they talked enough to make plans--and those plans would happen when she was home. (Frank worked a ton too, but he was his own manager, so he had more leeway).

I'm gonna just say I think this is one of the times they'd hook up.

Also, I noticed something else about Ella. I've seen her interactions with Benny Goodman, Danny Kaye, Dean Martin, Bing, and every other man. She's typically shy, humble, a bit giggly, and quite professional in terms of her craft. With Frank, however, there is an ease that she doesn't have with the others. And by ease, I mean, she is playful. She flirt smiles, and most importantly, she busts his chops. If you watch A Man and His Music II, you will see that she has an uncanny ease with him, like she can be her whole self with him. Also, in some article in the early 80s, she mentioned him, calling him a "little man." I don't remember the context, and I need to get access to the database where I found it, but like, that's not something she'd say about anyone else. And finally, although this is only seen in pictures, she would touch him. Frank's 1959 birthday pic (in which his fiancé was also in the photo), Ella is touching him intimately at his waist. I mean, he touched her quite a bit, too, and if you listen to Jim Blackman's (Ella's friend) with PBS, he specifically stated that she HATED to be touched. And yet...

ALSO, let's not forget that Frank made a point to go to her concerts (and she his, but again, as the years went on, she worked constantly). In 1958, he made a point to stop in NYC just to see her show before heading home for Nancy's graduation. There was also an interview where Ella said something along the lines of "Frank used to request that song whenever he came into Basin Street East." I don't remember the song, but I know they saw each other on a pretty consistent basis--and if not seeing each other, they talked pretty consistently. Which brings me to...

1966. Why the hell did he say that shit about her in Life Magazine? And why did she take it see deeply personal? I honestly think she was actually upset with him for marrying Mia Farrow. Because I think Keter Betts told a story that Miles Davis was talking big trash about Ella, and she knew about it. But she did her set, blew him away, and he apologized to her. She said something along the lines of, "Mmhmm...yeah, I know," in a, "yeah, shut the hell up, asshole" kind of way. So I mean, it wasn't like she wasn't criticized by other people, but when Frank did it (and let's be honest, I can see what he meant by what he said--basically, it was a backhanded complement) she lost it...or weeks. That doesn't sound right. I think it was, yeah, she was upset that he said something unsavory about her, but also, he said it at the worst time--right when he married that little girl (now old lady lol) when they had a good thing going. Just my theory.

But then of course, they did the show in 1967. And eventually, they did their tours in the early 70s (also where Ella is uncannily at ease with him if you listen to the recordings). So, I mean, what the hell.

[fireflylitsky]

4 & 30 from the fic asks!

From the list here

4. A story idea you haven't written yet. (copied from another ask)

Well, we all know I have a mild obsession with buff Sakura wielding Zabuza's executioner's blade, so prepare to not be shocked. It's a story about Sakura with a big ass sword (cue your not shock) that just so happens to contain the soul of it's last wielder (Zabuza).

His goal is to fall into the hands of someone really nasty, I mean really downright bloodthirsty because he thinks with enough kills, enough sacrifice and penance and tribute (something something blood for the blood gods), he can rebuild his body just as the sword rebuilds itself, and escape this tomb.

So imagine his outrage when this pink-haired kunoichi picks him up for the first time. May many shenanigans ensue.

30. Share a fic you're especially proud of.

Ahahaha the ONE question I was like man I hope no one asks me that 😂 you WOULD (I kid I kid it's fine haha) idk it's hard to feel proud of things for me, not in like a woe is me way but I'm just very critical. Maybe I'll feel proud when I actually complete a fic.

If I have to point to something, it's Oh Honey, There Goes Your Bastard. Arguably my worst fic because it's also my first (and incidentally still ongoing) so I'm proud I haven't dropped it after 334k words ig, but I still have a lot to go. It's helped me a lot in terms of writing and finding my voice, figuring out my own style etc. The age old OC gets dropped into the Akatsuki fic. Those were big back in the day, I tell ya. A lot of drama and silliness.

[disdaidal]

Craig Parker talks about his role as Haldir in The Lord of the Rings [x]

[gffa]

So, here's my question. How come we can't all just be happy that we are getting new material? Why does everyone have to be so critical about all of it? There are problems with all of it but that doesn't stop me from continuing to love it. Out of everything new that's been released the only thing I have a real problem with is "last Jedi". Rian Johnson did his own thing and completely ignored everything that had come before. Last Jedi is by far the WORST chapter in the STAR WARS saga but it doesn't make me hate the rest. I just don't understand why everyone seems to be an expert on what isn't theirs to be an expert on. Belittling fans and the fandom and the source material makes absolutely no sense to me. If you don't love it then why are you a fan? I do appreciate your views, even though I don't always agree but I don't understand why so called fans have such hate for something they claim to love? Nothing and no one is perfect and until we all figure that out I guess this is something we'll all just have to live with. Thanks for being positive about most things. You are one of the few who takes everything with a grain of salt and I appreciate you for it. May the Force be with You Always

Haha, oh, man, I am so completely of two minds on this! Because I have been there, my friend. So many times I find myself thinking, "Why are you even in this fandom if you seem to hate everything that comes out and don't even seem to like what Star Wars is?" I am baffled by so many people who seem to be so mad about everything they watch/read/play for Star Wars and yet they don't wander off, I don't get how that can be at all satisfying an experience! But on the other hand, the way you feel about TLJ is the way other fans feel about whatever thing they're mad about, they're mad about it but it doesn't erase that they love some other part of Star Wars! I think a lot of the anger in SW fandom comes from how so much of the atmosphere is constantly scraping on people's nerves and so everyone is low-key pissed off all the time because we've all seen so much stupid, annoying shit from fans about other fans, that the slightest thing can set us off. There's also that there are a lot of legitimate reasons to be angry re: Star Wars that aren't just frivolous reasons, but that there's been a shitload of abusive behavior by the fans towards the actors, towards fans of color, towards Jewish fans, towards a lot of people, and being angry about that isn't in the same category as being mad about whether or not Han shot first, but it can sometimes spill over onto those topics because they've been used as weapons against real people. In my experience, there's no one reason why SW fandom is the way it is, other than that all fandoms are like this these days, and I suspect a good chunk of it is how much anger drives engagement drives social media sites making money. Anger gets a lot of instant rewards and there's a lot to be angry about in the world these days and everything gets tangled up in everything else. So, I get it, there's a lot of stupid as shit pissiness in SW fandom, but there's a lot of important anger as well, and a lot of sympathetic anger, because we're not obligated to be happy about stuff just because it has the SW name on it, but also some people have made it their entire personality to be mad about frivolous stuff and, like, if that makes them satisfied, then it's not my business, genuinely and truly. But I spent years building a corner to love the things I love, I'm not going to give that up now. Each of us has to decide what we want out of fandom--including what we want from other fans and what we're willing to engage with. There have been so many times I was genuinely ready to leave SW fandom because people would not stop shoving their pissiness in my face and I really had to do a lot of work to get through that snarl, it's not easy. But it's up to each of us to figure out how to engage with the source material/fandom that exists, what we want from it, what we're willing to tolerate, and what we're willing to build for ourselves.

[tobiramamonmari29]

outside perspective:

Tajima and butsuma was married but also a father with a blended family. They had both lost their wives, then had met. Their love was a cow love, two frank men, Critical and stoic. they had a total of 6 children together, it hadn't been easy at first. But they ended up saying that they could discuss this dispute instead because the other had disputed his son.

Tajima: I hate parties.

Butsuma: You've already told me enough in the car.

tajima: the school party is the worst. You meet parents you don't like and kids who aren't yours but you still have to watch. Because your own child is sure to come last.

Butsuma: darling, shut your mouth we can hear you.

tajima: don't worry, we're still in the parking lot.

Butsuma: It's not just us in this parking lot. It doesn't belong to you. He said clicking his tongue.

Tajima: I'm sure we'll see this teacher again that Itama called a curmudgeon.

Butsuma: don't tell me about it....

tajima: i told you that letting the kids speak their mind out loud was wrong.

Butsuma: It never caused me a problem.

Tajima: Yeah, you don't know... It's at my place that people complain.

butsuma: stop complaining, you must have liked hearing them.

Tajima: shut up a bit... Watch out, a mother is coming our way... I don't like her either.

Butsuma: Of course you like people.

Kushina: Hey! Butsuma and tajima how are you.

tajima: long before-butsuma nudged him not to say more.

Butsuma: we are still doing well. But you cut your hair?

Kushina: last month, she said laughing and hitting him softly. If observant butsuma haha.

Butsuma: last month? wow I never would have believed you are so beautiful too.

Kushina: oh butsuma! Don't flirt with me in front of your husband. He could be jealous, let's see.

Tajima: from you-!? Another blow comes in his ribs. I should be worried considering your beauty indeed.

Kushina: Alright I'm going. see you later!! The red-haired woman left smiling with a big gesture. Butsuma turned back to her husband.

Tajima: what?

Butsuma: say what you have to say.

Tajima: I have nothing to say.

Butsuma: if you say so.

Tajima: if you insist my love.

butsuma: yes, I insist oulala. He said with a sigh.

Tajima: I don't like that woman! Does she feel flirted? Doesn't she already have a husband, this tchoin!? Nah what's that hair color? Me threatened by her! I'm laughing about it ! Ah! The dredge more or I stumble you. I'm not jealous or anything! She shouldn't end up disappointed. Chip.

Butsuma: are you finished? It's about to start.

Tajima: Only if you don't tell anyone else.

Butsuma: Hn.

the men arrived where the spectacle of the children of all classes was to take place. Tajima was already grumbling because he wasn't in front and he couldn't see well.

Butsuma: I told you to take your glasses but you never listen to me.

tajima: I listen to half that's it.

Butsuma: Afterwards you will complain of headaches.

Tajima: That's not true. And if so it's because this bitch is screaming at her unworthy husband.

Butsuma: Like you care anyway.

tajima: I hope she won't get up last year there was the woman who was in front always on the end.

Butsuma: she was a teacher she had to film....

Tajima: Well she wasn't transparent! Or even the year before we had to go down a rank for a man.

butsuma: the man was in a wheelchair.

Tajima: they think they can do anything.

Butsuma: Hn.

The show started with Hashirama's class. He was doing a show that talked about ecology and the dangers of the environment. hashirama was a sick tree that had to be taken care of by the other children.

Tajima: your son is a tree.

Butsuma: he's also your son now so shut up.

Madara entered Hashirama's show. he made the fire that burned the forest by throwing red and orange colored fabrics on hashirama who pretended to die.

Butsuma: Madara just threw fabrics at Hashirama.

tajima: Madara is a real comedian, how come he only hits hashirama with fabric!?

Butsuma: they are 9 years old.... What are you talking about.

Izuna and Tobirama have arrived. Izuna was a rich boy and Tobirama a poor boy. they had to show the children that no matter the social status everyone could get along. And also showed that bullying was something really unhealthy.

Tajima: come on Izuna hits Tobirama!!!

Butsuma: Damn darling! Sit down damn it.

Tajima: what!? but why is this the best moment of this show.

Butsuma: This is a scene that shows bullying is not a good thing.

Tajima: so what? That doesn't mean Izuna has to lose.

Butsuma: I'm really sorry. He said to the parents who watched them.

itama and kawarama had finally arrived. Tajima was fed up and butsuma was fed up with tajima. Kawarama and Itama showed that the smallest thing could save the planet. He was dancing with signs and picking up litter on stage playing key, key. The show was finally over.

Itama: dad you saw my show.

Butsuma: That was awesome honey.

Kawarama: and me!?

Butsuma: you were great.

Madara: Dad your sight.

Tajima: Yeah, that sucked.

Madara: what?

Butsuma: That was great! Dad and I are proud of you, the others were to shit!

Hashirama: Me too!?

Izuna: And me then butsuma!!

Tobirama: Hn.

Butsuma: great great! Not real tajima.

Tajima: I say the same as your father.

Butsuma: you had interest. Come on, let's get the kids home! let's celebrate at home.

Children: YEAHHH!! They say running to the car.

Butsuma: you're serious! Asshole.

Tajima: Well what?

Butsuma: let's go. He said with a sigh.

End.

[lavenoon]

Hi! :D Ok, so where to start? Man, it really hurts to see Robin so disillusioned with it all. Of course they show no interest in the new neighbors and now their job feels more like a drag rather than the thing that brought them a sense of fulfillment. Though I smiled at them being so critical of the security over in Eclipse's sector haha, even if they're not giving it their all, they still are very much a professional at what they do and it shows.

The fact that they also become quickly endeared to Eclipse is very cute, and very understandable because he's so earnest, even if it exasperates them that he basically easily revealed his identity, the one thing that when they found out about their other coworkers sent them into a worse spiral. But also that earnestness is what managed to break at that tough front that was harming them as they struggled to keep it up. And he relates so easily to them to, and Robin can't help it that he looks right through them! Because he can see so much of his own hurt in them now. It makes sense that he wants to help fix it, even if he himself hasn't found how to fix the communication problem the three brothers have.

In a way I wonder if he did something similar to Robin, in the sense that he latched himself to Robin's hurt to try and make it better, just how Robin latched onto Eclipse's situation to feel the anger they want to feel for themselves but feel like they don't deserve to (because by now they've convinced themselves they weren't that important to Sun and Moon, assuming they had mistaken it as the animatronics caring more than they did). Not to say that they didn't feel for the other genuinely of course! Just that it's easier trying to solve someone else's problems than facing your own sometimes. I do like how Eclipse is the first one who doesn't let Robin convince themself that they hate them. No need to try to worsen the hurt, even if the statement is turned back on him immediately.

It's funny that something did blow up, though it wasn't an experiment XD (sidenote: I hope Robin does get to blow up stuff with Eclipse eventually haha) "I would've left me, too!" though? Ouch. I know Sun didn't have time to process that, but I hope he and Moon can address that later. Clearly a glimpse into one of their worst insecurities that they guard so closely. (other sidenote: Eclipse was like, haha, brother gonna get told off, and then realized oh crap brother might get actually threatened her kjhkjhkñh)

But also Sun is clearly not too capable to paying attention to that right now, so affected he even raised his voice to the person he only knew as his dear friend and landlord.

Though Eclipse saves the day once again with the groupchat of friendship! They're all obviously exhausted by everything, so having the chat as a tentative window where they don't need to be that exposed and just say what they want to say at their own pace is smart. After all, you can't take back words you said, but you can rewrite a message until you are satisfied with it.

And also, the funniest hing to me in this chapter is the agency. They really were like: Robin you might get fired if you don't improve. >:(

Robin: Aight, peace.

The agency: N-no wait, I didn't mean it, come back please :'(

But overall the hopeful ending was really relieving! You always manage that feeling of being able to breathe again after a tough one! Great writing as always!

Robin: Fuck the agency I don't care anymore Also Robin: Smh the security here is lacking, how dare? They are just kinda going through the motions for a while there, only focused on how they lost their friends and any pride in the job they do in one go. Truly, two birds, one stone.

Robin: I've had Eclipse for an hour and a half and if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself Eclipse: Oh we're friends now! Okay okay I will. I will try to not make a meme out of every part of your comment fghdjs Ties into your next paragraph as well - they recognize the pain of the other, and the similar coping styles, with Eclipse a couple years into pretending he's fine. They get angry on his behalf, partly because it's an infuriating position to be in, and partly because they can't get angry on their own behalf. And vice versa in Eclipse - he sees this person in a very similar situation to him, and they're devastated and it's obvious (to him). And he realizes that oh, right, he does have a reason to be sad. He's allowed to feel abandoned and to admit it sucks. Because he faked being okay so long he felt like he'd lost the right to say it did actually bother him.

Please know that if this were the main timeline I'd add many more conversations that address these issues, same as Robin's "I would've left me too". It goes unaddressed, but not unnoticed. To address it there needs to be a baseline of trust again though, so they need to focus on establishing that (That, and that the threat was on his account. Because while he obviously and knowingly relates, he didn't think that Robin might relate too, and do something about it. It's rare enough that anyone would stand up for him.)

No one's having a good time - but they all want this to work, they all miss each other, and they're finally admitting that to each other. They can't get it all out then, but they want to, because they care. It gives them a line of contact - a "flyway" to each other <3 (*Using a very, very loose definition of course)

HQ sure got used to having them try so hard to impress them! But they seek their validation elsewhere these days. They prefer having a family, in the end.

And aaahhh thank you!! The good thing had to get a lil longer to make it feel natural, but it was tons of fun to write! <3

[sweetestpopcorn]

While Daenery isn't my favorite character, why do people hate her so much? I get that she's young, inexperienced as others but her heart is in the right place and despite her hiccups in Meereen and the thing with Drogon, I think she's actually striving to do better along with Jon in contrast to the other 'players' in the game of thrones...

Hi there Anon! 🤗

Oh... so many reasons (spoiler: none of them good).

1- They are insecure little men who cannot stand the idea of a woman being as powerful as Dany calling it "unreal" and claiming she's a Mary Sue while if she was a man they would be deep throat:ng her on the regular. In other words #sexim #misogyny #incels. Or women with a LOT of internalized misogyny angry that Dany doesn't know her place.

2- They see her as a threat to their favs so they have to tear down Dany and make her "bad" so that their own faves can be extra special and "good".

3- Shipping wars.

4- Show-only viewers with a severe lack of critical thinking that took everything that happened on *** at face value, and thought it was so good. Hence, Dany is the eViL villain.

These the most common things I have seen out there, and boy oh boy (!!!) have I seen some absolute insane things being thrown at Dany to the point where I think nothing else will shock me when HAHA it will! Because tomorrow is a new day and antis are just the gift that keeps on giving.

Also to every Dany-anti out there:

This all being said, and everyone has the right to like and dislike what they want, and I do get that it's absolutely possible for people to just not like Daenerys and to not resonate with her. I have characters that I can't stand and I don't even have a good reason for it, and I am the first to say "X just annoys me for some reason but it's not even a good reason", and this is all perfectly fine. What would become of the world if no one liked yellow?

I have every respect for someone who just tells me "Look I just don't like her". That's absolutely fine, I am not her lawyer so I am not going to convince you to like her. I don't care what you like. I might not agree with it, but I don't have the right to get anyone to either start/stop liking something. This is still a free country. I might not understand why for instance Roose Bolton is someone's favourite character, but I don't have to. And I definitely do NOT have the right to call them out for it or bother them.

Here, however, we are speaking of true haters who spend the majority of their time hating Dany instead of liking their faves, and making up the worst sh:t imaginable about her. Or very eloquently "trying" to justify why she's "bad" and to try to explain to others why it is she will be the villain/deserves to be punished/deserves an unhappy ending/is problematic cof cof "neutrals" and "intellectuals" cof cof. Oh, sorry, something stuck in my throat.

Friendly reminder to people you are NOT the moral authority of the fandom and you do NOT have the right to bother others. Focus on what you do like, stay in your lanes, find people to have healthy debates with, find people who like what you do, and most of all: ENJOY. YOURSELVES.

This is what a healthy fandom experience should be.

Also the block/filter buttons exist for a reason. Do a favour to others and make free use of them, people.

I hope I was able to answer your ask, Anon.

All the best to you 🤗

[daisyachain]

hi!! i've been reading through your ao no flag liveblogs lately and they're really interesting! i enjoy seeing someone so passionate about this manga and it makes me want to reread it .... i'm really interested in hearing what you have to say about masumi's ending though!! part of me thinks it makes sense but i'm mostly conflicted on it and would love to see it from your perspective ^^

haha well thank you! ah yes, the arc that created as much controversy as you can get in an active readership of like 10 people...

Blue Flag is an imperfect story, but it also gets a lot of flack for things that a) didn't...actually...happen, b) didn't happen in the way people think they did.

Part 1: Is it actually straightwashing?

The most common criticism I see of Masumi's ending is that she was written as a lesbian character and straightwashed at the end. Marrying off a female character as a way to 'fix' her issues is a common and harmful trope, and saying that lesbian women just need to get a man is a widespread homophobic trope and talking point. So, it's not a good look. To have a character angst over interest in a woman and end up happily married to a guy reads like a '50s pulp novel that just uses f/f attraction for marketing.

But, if the intention of the ending was to show that Masumi should give up on women and force herself to date men, then it doesn't. Mitsuyuki's description of her is 'look at my bisexual wife who has dated both women and men and could also have married a woman', which is an odd choice if the intention was straightwashing. It feels more like a clumsy way to make sure that, in a series full of ambiguity, there could be no argument that Masumi was queer. That isn't to say that cisstraight people don't view bisexuality as less/better than/straighter than her being lesbian and that making a previously gay character bisexual isn't still straightwashing (increasing the appearance of straightness).

Part 2: Was it actually a retcon?

So: Masumi's ending reaffirms that she's a WLW. One question is, was she always meant to be bisexual, or was she originally written as lesbian?

Blue Flag doesn't have a lot of straight (no pun intended) answers. Taichi never expresses any explicit attraction to guys, but there is enough subtext to suggest he's attracted to Touma well before the finale. Futaba believes she is attracted to Touma at first and is shown to be attracted to him using the visual shorthand of manga (blushing, etc.), but she later says that it was just misinterpreted admiration. Mami doesn't want to date Touma or any man, but she implies that she is attracted to Touma when she says around him she was 'glad to be a woman.' Within the main romance, Futaba says that it was specifically because Taichi was a friend to her that she grew to like-like him. The lines between friendship and romance are blurred in Blue Flag, and sometimes romance can only grow out of friendship.

Masumi has a tense conversation with Taichi in the first half after she breaks up with her boyfriend that most people (me included) read as her saying that she tried guys and she just isn't and can't be attracted to them. However, it's Blue Flag, so the conversation is unfocused and doesn't paint a complete picture.

"Even if I get a boyfriend, I can never make it work"/"I don't know why [I don't like him anymore]" seem to imply that Masumi realized that she was feeling compulsory heterosexuality and that she will never like men. "[I don't know] why he like someone like me"/"You can be friends with potential sexual partners? With both guys and girls?"/"I just wanted to hear how you men feel about [a girl liking other girls]" seem to imply that Masumi is bisexual and is afraid to date because someone might find out. Maybe she's written as questioning--she knows she likes Futaba, but she's feeling out other possibilities. It's Blue Flag, so it's unclear.

Part 3: How does it work with Masumi's arc?

Diving further into Masumi's story, she acts as a foil to Touma (and Futaba, see later). Touma feels free to show his affection for Taichi as a friend as well as a love interest and almost confesses to him of his own free will, well before he's forced to. Touma tells her that he intends to try and set Taichi up with Futaba (because they would be good for each other), and also that he intends to pursue Taichi in some way. He tells her he's "not like [her]."

For Masumi's part, she tells Touma that she wants to express more affection for Futaba--not necessarily in a romantic way, just to participate more fully in that relationship--but she's afraid to, she doesn't feel confident enough to try, and that she's "the worst" because of it. We see this theme repeated, that Masumi is pessimistic, is afraid to trust people and hates herself for being afraid. Her conversations with Aki and Mami explore this; Aki tells her that it's not bad to be insecure or unready and that it's fine to keep a secret/stay closeted until she's ready, Mami tells her that she does have people she can trust, who care about her and who will do their best to understand her and help out. Why am I typing all this out? Because Masumi is a bitter, insecure wlw and that is an Established Trope, but her twist on it is that her negativity or bitterness isn't over her attraction to women/to Futaba or even over the reaction she might get from others (as Touma's is), it's over her own insecurity. Like Futaba, she's hesitant to act on her feelings, and like Futaba, she gets frustrated and hates herself for her own inaction.

All that is to say--Masumi is never shown to have a problem with her attraction to women. Her angst isn't gayngst, she's not ashamed of her feelings for Futaba bur rather her inability to express them. Her problems are with social attitudes and more with her own personal feelings--she and Touma face similar problems, but Touma is simply aware of the consequences (being roughed up and ostracised by a certain group of people) while Masumi feels a more generalized and ambiguous fear.

If Masumi were shown to have mixed feelings about her queerness/were shown to be in denial/were shown to be trying to move on from Futaba, then her ending would read more as straightwashing. As it is, there's nothing in her character and arc to say that she'd ever want to erase that part of herself or get rid of it, rather, she wishes she could embrace it but she just doesn't feel confident in doing it. Her ending shows her as an openly bisexual woman who is out to her friends and husband at the very least, which is a completion of her arc in the manga (of learning to trust other people and express her feelings honestly).

Part 4: What context clues does the rest of the series give us?

This is branching off a little from the strict text of Parts 1-3. As I've said, as we know, Blue Flag is 50% subtext and interpretation. Characters speak, but they don't say what they mean, characters think, but they're not always honest with themselves or in tune with reality. Mami is an ominous and antagonistic figure in the first half, but then it just turns out that Taichi was jumping to conclusions. Taichi is the main character and narrator, but we get radio silence from him for like 7 chapters after the climax. Taichi is bisexual, but the reader has to guess that from the way the art style shifts between PoVs, the similar panelling between Futaba and Touma's confessions, the things he does and does not think about Touma and how he feels about them. It's safe to say that there is room for speculation.

First, there is no explicit evidence that Taichi could be bisexual before ch 54. It's easy to tell that he is, but again, there's nothing specific. Some people reading Blue Flag have said that him marrying Touma was out of character, unforeshadowed, bizarre, inexplicable, etc. because their experienced is coloured by their own heterosexuality. Masumi is shown to have dated a guy and in saying she didn't like him "anymore," implied that she did like him. Her conflicted feelings over her bf could well have been foreshadowing her liking men as well, and my reading that as comphet could have just been my own experience colouring the text. Who knows! Taichi's bisexuality was intentional from the start but could be read as a last-minute twist, so why not Masumi's?

Second, Mitsuyuki is Futaba 2.0. Same colouring, same personality. This could feel like a way of saying "Masumi just needs to like guys instead," but to me it reads deeper with some of the trans subtext around Futaba. One of my issues with Blue Flag is that it doesn't go further into Futaba's admiration/envy for masculinity and her uncomfortable relationship with femininity. As a cis woman who wants to be buff and mildly masculine, I can understand why she's a cis girl throughout and I don't necessarily think that she was supposed to be a trans guy. However, her relationship with masculinity draws a parallel to Mitsuyuki. Reading Mitsuyuki as a cis man, he is the combination of Futaba's personality and looks with her 'ideal form.' So, Masumi marrying Mitsuyuki can read as Masumi marring Ascended FutabaTM.

Third, Futaba having a faceless prop husband is interesting in the context of Mitsuyuki getting a name and personality. Mitsuyuki = Futaba and Mr. Kuze is a blank space, so the reader is prompted to reduce the scenario and slot Masumi into that blank space. Given Masumi and Touma's history as foils, I'm inclined to think that Mitsuyuki exists to show the road not taken. Back at the fireworks, Touma tells Masumi that he hasn't given up on Taichi, and Masumi says she doesn't intend to pursue Futaba even though the pining is making her miserable. Given that Futaba reacts a lot better to the idea of Masumi liking her than Taichi reacts to the idea of Touma liking him, given that we see Masumi has successfully wooed male!Futaba, I think that Masumi's ending shows that she could have ended up with Futaba if she chose to pursue her. She didn't and she still got a happy ending where she is confident in her sexuality and unafraid to trust, but she could have also had a happy ending where she married Futaba. Mitsuyuki is a man because desire-for-masculinity is a key aspect of Futaba's character, and Mitsuyuki is a named character with a personality because KAITO wanted the reader to know that Masumi could have ended up with Futaba (as Touma ended up with Taichi).

Fourth, KAITO's notes on volume give us a few hints. He comments that there was remarkably little interference with his story and that he was able to tell it as he wanted, and that the ending was meant to be a "question" to the reader. The way I see it, Masumi's ending wasn't meant to say "maybe you'll be fixed if you get a man" but rather was meant to complement Taichi's ending and say "things happen in ways you might not expect, but that doesn't mean they're bad."

Fifth, Touma/Taichi ending up together shows us that the series is willing and able to show queerness as a good thing and a happy ending, so it's unlikely that Masumi was meant to come off as "actually she just needed a man" and more as "life can be unpredictable but you can always find happiness"

Summary

It's unclear whether Masumi was written as a bisexual woman or a lesbian woman or a questioning wlw

I personally read her as a lesbian and I wish that part of her character had gotten more exploration

Masumi's ending wraps up her arc (struggling to trust other people with her feelings in general and her queerness in particular) in a satisfying and logical way

Masumi being bisexual does not in any way negate or lessen her identity and experienes as a wlw, bisexual people still face external and internalized homophobia and all the associated issues

Masumi's bisexuality may well have been foreshadowed, but the execution makes it easier to read her as a lesbian, which makes her ending seem like a homophobic cop-out in the style of the Hays Code

Masumi's ending doesn't straightwash her and goes to unusual lengths to affirm her attraction to women

Masumi's ending seems to be written to contrast Touma's ending, showing that getting or not getting the love interest depends entirely on whether you choose to pursue them

It's unlikely that authorial intent was to straightwash Masumi

[a-shakespearean-in-paris]

I'd love to see your take on Cullen's recovery arc as an alternative analysis! I feel like we're only ever presented with the two options of: "he needs to atone!" Or "he was a victim that needs protection!", neither of which I've ever fully agreed with. I think it's a result of the lack of attention given to his arc in DAI, which leaves a ton of room for interpretation, and results in people swaying towards either camp depending on how sympathetic they are towards him and his history.

I totally agree with this. 

The problem with the way Cullen is presented in DAI is that he’s presented in an unambiguously positive light, and as @tokutenshi pointed out in this post (which I do agree with) if your Hawke was hostile to him you don’t get some of his dialogue about questioning Meredith. Additionally if you side with the mages rather than the templars Cullen has some realizations about the Order that you’re not going to hear. It’s too little too late for a lot of people, though I would also argue with what tokutenshi said, he was severely traumatized after the Blight (if you take a female mage Warden in the tower during the Witch Hunt DLC you will get lines that indicate he is suffering from PTSD, notice the lines about him being “twitchy” and “jumpy”) Personally I think we can find a middle ground between Cullen being a victim of manipulation and indoctrination, someone who suffered after experiencing trauma, and someone who works hard in the moment to do some good, whether we can or should call it “atonement” or not. That being said, he does acknowledge in Inquisition that the war against Corypheus is his chance to atone, and he works overtime to the point where it’s commented upon by several characters including the Inquisitor how hard he works.  

By the time we meet Cullen in Inquisition a couple of years have passed since the chantry’s explosion. This is where I will be critical of the writing because I do think the game should have better established what exactly Cullen was doing in the time in between, though we get bits and clues from dialogue if you pay attention: He served as Kirkwall’s knight Commander after Meredith died, and he and presumably Aveline’s guard worked to basically repair the city, as Rylen says in Griffon Wing Keep that there was a lot of rubble, a lot of people without homes. Cassandra noticed Cullen’s work and recruited him to the Inquisition. (Also, keep in mind that the Inquisition was originally going to help quell the worst excess of the mage and templar fighting, restore order because the chantry lost control. Then the conclave happened, it went boom, and suddenly the Inquisition’s purpose became far greater than anyone would have expected. So Cullen as Cassandra’s choice of Commander makes total sense to me, considering he was a former templar and bringing him in basically acted as a symbol to any wayward templar, letting them know that there could be another way. But I digress on that part, haha.) 

I *think* some people are dissatisfied with Cullen’s “redemption” arc in DAI because we don’t really see him fall on the sword or beat himself up for his past. There’s also no moment where he like, faces a mage he maybe knew in Kirkwall or has to deal with the mages not trusting him. Obviously of course there is nuance there as well as Toku and I mentioned--he wasn’t allowed to heal as much as he should have before being shipped to Meredith. However, here’s an interesting bit of dialogue you can get if you pick the right options after Perseverance if you tell him he doesn’t need lyrium:

Quiz: The man you were. You can’t pretend like he never existed.

Cullen: Not even if I wanted to. But I’m here now. I can make that mean something.

Cullen knows he screwed up. What’s more, he doesn’t want to forget he screwed up. But he lives in the moment to make things right. Blackwall’s arc actually shows him falling on the sword and wanting to atone, versus with Cullen it’s implied he has come to terms with his screw ups off screen. He doesn’t continuously beat himself up, he does what he can for the Inquisition to the point where if the Quiz tells him to go back on lyrium for the better of his soldiers, he does, knowing it just may kill him. There is also limited dialogue that challenges his views which turns some people off, but I know for my Inquisitor she’s very much about the now and what they both can do in the now. I won’t blame anyone who wants to be able to challenge him more, but frankly I find the fact he doesn’t continuously fall on the sword or beat himself up interesting. 

All that being said, I do think of his arc as more of one of recovery versus redemption. And to be frank I’m kind of critical of the term “redemption” and what makes good redemption arcs or not. Someone having a “redemption arc” seems to imply that there’s only one road to the top of the mountain when maybe redemption is something you should always strive for? But as for the “recovery” arc: the chantry, IMO, purposely devoids both mages and templars of a personhood or life outside the order and Circle and treats them as objects. Many templar recruits are children and are basically indoctrinated to believe they serve the Maker and they are needed and that they do the Maker’s will. There’s an interesting bit of dialogue you can get if your character is a warrior and talks to Cullen about the templar spec, basically if the Quiz says “templars serve the Maker, I’d do the same.” Cullen basically replies, “uh, yeah, that’s not going to make you righteous, believe me,” implying this was the way he once indoctrinated to think, but he no longer believes it so. Templars are given lyrium for their abilities, but also to placate them, something Alistair says in DAO. 

After Kirkwall Cullen sees where the Order is going, gets an offer from Cassandra and decides that if he removes the “part that kept [him] chained,” he would find his own purpose again. (He says this is your Quiz makes him take lyrium.) In Inquisition we learn he always wanted to protect people. (Our local mind reader Cole says “some templars want to only protect, like Cullen” if you ask him about templars.) And as a kid living in rural nowhere Ferelden, he saw the templars as protectors. Why I interpret his arc as more about recovery than redemption all has to do with Perseverance and the way you as the player can handle it: You can either let him know he can start over, he can endure and one day find a life of his own away from duty and battle, or you can make him take it and thus let him remain indoctrinated to what the chantry taught him, that there is nothing outside of duty and battle. It comes down between a choice of “you are leashed to what the chantry made you till you die” to “you are more and you can recover and make your own life,” which he does do by Tresspasser, romance or not. At the end of the game if you keep him off lyrium he basically thanks the Inquisitor for giving him a chance, letting him know he could be more. Additionally, a lyrium free Cullen in Tresspasser speaks of meeting his siblings again, developing a relationship. If you make him take it forever he refuses to see them. 

I could also see the arc as one of faith, and finding it again. If you keep him off lyrium the prayer in the chantry he speaks is one of quiet reassurance and finding strength through his faith, but if you make him take it the prayer is “blessed are the peacekeepers” and it’s uttered desperately as if he is trying to believe it. He also mourns how far he fell. All this to say that I find it very interesting his writer focused his personal quest around the lyrium and what lyrium represents rather than say, him meeting a mage who lived in Kirkwall or something and him trying to atone to them.  

When I wrote my post about why Cullen gets so much fandom related wank I got a lot of different responses that echoed the same thing about Cullen’s arc not getting a lot of attention. I think there is a lot of good writing there with his personal quest,  but his writing doesn’t fill in every single gap---not to mention people are going to have vastly different experiences on how they played the games till Inquisition. And my examples of dialogue are things you may not get if you don’t pick the right options. And heck, some people only have played Inquisition. 

So, I think me calling his arc in Inquisition a recovery arc has partially been not me trying to justify why I like him, but analyze a differing way a character who has screwed up in the past is written. Blackwall’s arc is a true redemption arc IMO. Cullen’s isn’t so clear cut as a redemption arc, but at the end of the day it is truly about him finding his own purpose again, which leads me to lean more toward calling it a “recovery arc.”