#this made me genuinely laugh out loud thank you anon.

[cottoncandylesbo]

What does homestuck have to do with webcomics?

stop being funnier than me. you're supposed to be ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bittsandpieces]

I have big dick pic but you need to BEG for it or I won't sent you. Worship and serve and obey. You are powerless to this.

LMAO

[angels444yuri]

no offense but have you been diagnosed with narcissism

no offense taken at all. i find this incredibly funny actually

to answer your question i have not been diagnosed with anything but i did suspect i might be a narcissist like last year,, doubt it now though 💪🏼

[splashofspotchka]

So we’ve established that you are not in fact 3 opossums in a trench coat, but are you maybe 4 opossums in a trench coat?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........

D-Don't come around here accusing me of things!

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

another childhood friends to lovers believer???? YES YES YES!!!! can i please request bakugou and reader moving in together, and reader shows him a memory box she's kept since they were kids...like photos, random trinkets he got her, pressed flowers, birthday cards...and he's like one second away from bursting into tears, because this is 2 decades worth of love (and many more to come) 😭🥹💗 thank you, mwah x 💖

memory box !

you take a trip down memory lane..

a/n : OH. MY GOD. I literally Had to write this this is genuinely adorable anon you are SMACKING. i lub this

cw: literally all fluff, CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TORAGAHAHEHG, katsuki gets emotional quickly and i live by this, lmk if i missed sum !

“oi !” katsuki calls out from behind you “do i throw this out or not ?”

you look back, only to see a little red box in his hands. your little red box.

you shoot up, dropping the clothes you were stacking in your shared dresser. “no, don’t!” you reach out and hold your arms up, katsuki looks even more confused, eyebrows furrowing harder.

he shakes your box around, bringing his ear to it to hear the rattling and clinking of the objects inside. “what the hell is in this thing ?”

“don’t shake it around like that !” you shriek, ripping the box out of your boyfriend hands and leaving him shocked. you smile to yourself, slowly sitting down on the wooden floors of your new apartment. your new apartment with katsuki.

“i never actually showed you this, huh.. ?” you watch as he follows you after a moment of looking at you like you’ve grown a second head, crouching down next to you with eyes fixed on your little shoe box. you remove the lid and immediately a sense of nostalgia shoots through you, you hadn’t looked at this for a while now.

“this is my memory box, i’ve had it for years.. i think since i was..what, seven ?” you wonder out loud, you’d definitely had it for a long, long time. katsuki sits next to you silently while you excitedly look through it.

“oh yeah, definitely seven—look this is the friendship bracelet i made for us !” you exclaim excitedly. it’s definitely more than a bit worn, that was the main reason you put it in this box, it was the first item you’d put in there.

you’d made one for you and one for katsuki, using your precious loom band box set you’d gotten for christmas. you’d used up all of your orange and black for it and worn yours until it started fraying. you almost cried when one of the bands snapped and you’d gotten too big for it, or it had just gotten too little for you. you refused to throw it away and found a random empty shoe box to put it in, and the rest was history.

“oh, and these are left over tickets from when we went to the fair, my keychain you got me from the aquarium—i remember you begged your mom for it.” you laugh, begged was an understatement. you remember how mitsuki pulled him away because he was causing a scene, you didn’t understand why he was so insistent on getting a souvenir, you had a good day as you all walked around looking at fish and katsuki dragging you around by the hand like he built the place himself. you remember how excited he got when you got to the shark exhibit.

you didn’t get it, until he stopped you when you were ready to leave with your own parents, grabbing you by the back of your shirt and avoiding your gaze as he stretched his little arms out and wordlessly offered you a little penguin keychain, mumbling something about how you looked happy when you saw them, ears pink while his mom smirked behind him, his father smiled down at you both kindly.

that was the first present he’d ever bought for you. with his mom’s money of course, you giggle at your own thoughts. but he’d still gotten it for you because he thought it’d make you happy. it was your treasure and you wore it on your bag for years until it started getting dirty, and you’d hid it in your shoebox to keep it safe.

you suddenly realize your boyfriend’s been awfully unlike himself for the past few minutes, silently blinking at the contents of your box and now at your little keychain.

you suddenly feel a bit self conscious, maybe he thought it was weird..

you blink in surprise when he reaches for your penguin chain and you offer it to him. it’s a bit brownish now, having lost its shine over the years. he runs his thumb over the fuzzy faux fur.

“thought you forgot about this..” he mumbles to himself.

your eyes shoot wide. “wha—no way ?!”

“ya stopped wearing it on your bag so i thought you got rid of it.” he doesn’t look angry, simply observing the chain, letting it dangle in the air.

“i just didn’t want it to get any dirtier than it clearly already is” you joked. you’re in deep now, shuffling around for more items in your box. katsuki joins you this time, pulling out an old picture.

“holy shit.” he breathes. you catch a peek at what he’s looking at only to see the both of you.

“woah, we were so small !” you giggle. it was a picture of your grade school entrance ceremony. you remember katsuki stubbornly refusing to take it and it took his mom about ten minutes to get him to stay put and take the shot. you’re all smiles, waving at the camera like you’d been instructed to and gripping katsuki’s hand. said little boy had an angry, angry frown on his face, sticking his tongue out at the camera.

“you’re cheeks were huge.” you laugh, katsuki sits down properly to nudge your shoulder with a huff. “shaddup,” he says, though there was no real bite to his words. “you weren’t any better than me.” you laugh some more and continue to pull things out. “where’d you even get this ?” he asks.

“your mom gave me a copy.”

“fuckin—of course she did.”

there’s a blurry picture you’d managed to take of katsuki when you’d gotten your first polaroid camera, and some pictures from when you’d convinced him to get in a photo-booth from your first date at the fair. dozens of birthday cards he’d written for you, you’re tempted to read them all right now but you worry katsuki might get embarrassed and actually throw the box out, so you’ll do that later.

the flowers he’d plucked out of the ground one random afternoon at his house, a rock he'd given you because it looked cool, a couple of seashells you found at the beach together, a dried up four leaf clover he claimed would bring you good luck, the container of the lip balm you were wearing when he kissed you for the first time. years worth of memories all in your little shoebox.

“fuck, you really kept all this stuff..” you hear katsuki mutter. you turn to see him still with that elementary school picture in hand, staring at it thoughtfully.

“course i did.” you hum, leaning against his side. “i spent all of my childhood with you suki, that’s unforgettable to me. i wanted to make sure i wouldn’t ever forget how much you mean to me.” katsuki’s eyes fix yours as you continue talking. and you realize how they slowly turn glossier. he realizes when you do and quickly ducks his head, scoffing to himself but a sniffle slips out.

“hey..” he shakes his head, you don’t continue, only reaching to hold him in your palms. he shoves his cheek against one, chuckling to himself.

“shush.” he mutters, voice cracking, his eyes remain shut to not let anything slip. he presses a kiss to your skin, grabbing at your wrist. "you're gonna be the fuckin' end of me, y'know ?" you laugh, rubbing your thumb against his skin, you feel him sigh against your palm.

"love you."

you smile "i love you too" you whisper back. "so, you still wanna throw it out ?" you joke, katsuki's eyebrows furrow.

"fuck, no." he asserts "it's staying here, an' i'll give you more shit to fill it up with."

and you truly couldn't be more excited, starting a new chapter of your life with the boy that had shared it all with you. you want your shoe box to be filled to the brim with more and more memories of you both, all of them just as close to your heart as the last.

"hmm," you hum "can't wait."

taglist :

@napbatata @andysdrafts @queenpiranhadon @jastoo46 @cecelia77

@katszumi @m-inluv @monchurie @the-hangry-otter @starlostlaiba

@moonshuul @erenstitanweave @katsus-mistress @dondeh-zedonutqueen @liluvtojineteyam

@aspiringwriter1111 @sugurusmoon @redvelvetstan1

@niktwazny303 @nemisimp @kit-katsukii @alphasage @milktea-academia

[maxlarens]

Hi ! As a pescatarian girly and as someone who has recently started to like Lando, I kept thinking about him with pescatarian!reader, because you know opposites attracts and also it made me think of the olive theory from 'How I met your mother', can be fic or smau

(also I'm the anon who requested the Charles fic and I was wondering if you gave names or emojis to your anons 🤔)

ahhh hi😇😇 thank u sm for sending another ask in. verrryy into this! ive never watched himym but i HAVE heard of the olive theory and genuinely think it can be so true. i also think like sharing food/giving certain parts of ur meal to ur partner is so sweet so i loved this a lot🥺🥺

also, tbh i have never had a consistent enough anon to name them/give them an emoji so i would loveee LOVE to do that🙏🏻 pls let me know what i should call u❤️ (and if anyone wants to be a regular/semi-regular anon and give themselves an emoji/name pls do!!!) ANYWAY alright i hope u enjoy— it’s a just a short ficlet 😌💖

LN: quid pro quo

pairing(s): lando norris x reader [read on ao3]

word count: 1.2k

“Eugh,” Lando says, feigning a gag as he looks at the plate of food set in front of you, “That’s disgusting. I don’t understand how you can put that in your mouth.”

Slowly, you raise an eyebrow at him, looking between your plate and Lando’s screwed-up expression; you point at your food, “Salmon? You think salmon is disgusting? Are you joking right now?”

He shakes his head fervently, a grimace still stuck on his face, “It’s gross.”

A laugh, loud and guffawing erupts from your mouth as you realise he’s being entirely serious. He’s fixated on your meal, frowning as if the fish has severely insulted him in some way. Quickly, you clap your hand over your mouth, concerned you’ll offend him if you keep laughing like that. This is one of a handful of dates you’ve been on together— clearly the first you’ve ordered seafood on— and you’re still trying to make a good impression on Lando.

“Wait,” you collect yourself, breathing deeply so you don’t fall into a fit of giggles again, “You’re not allergic are you?”

“No,” he shrugs, “I just hate fish. You’ve never heard that?”

You snort a little indelicately, already going back to eating your salmon, “‘You’ve never heard that?’,” you tease, “Do you think I stalk you on the internet, Norris?”

He grins that small sheepish grin you like so much as a light blush blooms on his cheeks. You’re very fond of him really. He’s cute in a scrappy kind of way; he’s funny and charming, a little bit dumb sometimes; and he’s into you, which is always a bonus. You’re not together— not quite— just seeing each other when you both have time, but it’s been going very nicely if you do say so yourself.

You like him.

He likes you.

Lando rolls his eyes, and purses his lips in an attempt not to let you see the smile that he’s trying to hide, “Don’t you? Stalk me on the internet?”

“Never,” you answer resolutely, thinking blatantly of that night after you’d first met him when you fell down a rabbit hole, spending a good hour watching thirst traps of him on Instagram before coming to your senses, “Not once.”

He hums, unconvinced, “Alright.”

Alright. You make a face, almost stick your tongue out at him but think better of it at the last second. He laughs— giggles— at you. You look away from him, down at your plate, trying to hide the smile that spreads and spreads behind your hair. God, you like him. You’re trying not to let it get away from you. You get the impression that he’s not huge on relationships, and you’re trying hard to be casual about him. It’s difficult— mostly because everything feels so easy when you’re together.

“So,” you start as you push a forkful of salmon and leafy greens around your plate, “Hate to break it to you, but I’m a pescetarian.”

“Um,” Lando asks around a mouthful of half-chewed food, “What’s that mean?”

You stifle a laugh, “Like a vegetarian, but I eat seafood.”

He swallows and makes another face, similar to the earlier one. You can see this is hard for him to process, he clearly dislikes seafood to a degree that you hadn’t quite understood until now. It’s funny. It’s another thing to add to the growing list of reasons you fancy Lando Norris. Though you would think that as a pescetarian you’d want him to like fish, but you suppose by not eating them he’s just saving all the sea animals that you’re not— quid pro quo.

“What about, like,” he waves his fork around, evidently still wondering why you’d eat seafood voluntarily, “just being a vegetarian?”

You shrug, “Vegetables are boring.”

“Right. Better than eating fish though.”

“I like fish.”

He shakes his head, “I don’t get it… It’s— they’re slimy and they smell and they’ve got fucking beady little eyes. It’s not natural.”

“Okay,” you laugh brightly at his despondent expression, “I do need to eat them, unfortunately. Otherwise, I’d probably die of malnutrition, or I dunno, scurvy.”

He groans, hanging his head so that all you can see of his face is that mop of brown curls. You think of your second date when you’d kissed him for the first time in your stairwell and how you’d threaded a hand into it— and they were soft and not heavy with product the way that you hate. The way he’d smelt like expensive cologne and tasted both smokey and sugary at the same time, just like the whiskey and cokes he’d been having at the bar. There’s a soft smile playing at your lips when he finally looks up.

“Does it bother you?” you ask, “That I eat fish.”

He shrugs, shakes his head in a non-committal way that could be either answer and does that little grin again. The one that means he’s going to say something that you’ll find either unbearably cute or embarrassingly funny.

“Yes,” he says, grin not subsiding, “How am I supposed to kiss you when you’ve got fish breath.”

Your eyebrows shoot up and a shocked laugh bubbles from your mouth, you try to ignore the stirring feeling in your gut at the words how am I supposed to kiss you in favour of responding to his lack of tact Try, being the keyword there. It somersaults in your head, how am I supposed to kiss you he said, like he was thinking of doing it again. Which, okay, of course, he’s thinking of doing it again. You understand what this is— but there was an unmistakable fondness there that you just can't shake.

Anyway, you push thoughts of kissing him aside, he’d still accused you of having fish breath, “Wow,” you say dryly, with no malice at all as much as you try to feign it, “You say that to all the girls?”

He blushes, his tan cheeks turning a very pleasant red as he properly realises what he’d said, “Shit. No— oh my god— I’m sorry. I just meant—”

You wave him off, laughing, “I know what you meant. You’re good, Lando.”

“Phew,” he lets out a breath of relief, his nervous laughter punctuating the air between you, without meaning to he says, “God, I thought I’d just fucked it.”

You furrow your brows and frown, confused, “No. You couldn’t.”

You watch him scrub a hand over his face, embarrassed, before it falls away and he gives you a sheepish little grin that says he’s happy to hear that. Toothy, eyes squinted and carving dimples into his cheeks. Your face feels warm and you smile back, biting your bottom lip on the smile so it doesn’t grow and grow to cover your whole face.

Later, after you’ve finished lunch and spent too much time talking over a too-sticky table in your favourite pub, Lando kisses you up against a tree in the park by your apartment. You put your hand in his soft curls and you smell cologne and taste what he’s been drinking as he presses his tongue into yours. The coarse hair of his moustache brushes against your lips and you kiss back with equal gusto. You pull away when it feels like you two are veering into too inappropriate territory for this public park. He chases you, but you laugh softly, pressing a perfunctory closed-mouth kiss to the corner of his mouth. He groans, laughs, and puts his forehead against yours.

You hum, “I guess my fish breath doesn’t bother you so much, huh.”

“Fuck,” he breathes, “You’re never going to let that go are you.”

You shake your head ever so slightly, “Not as long as I live, Norris.”

[chuluoyi]

✎ protect

- gojo satoru x reader

the word “protect” now means so much more to him

genre: soft and playful gojo, sugary dump fluff, pregnant!reader

note: anyone craving some soft gojo? :3 based on a suggestion by an anon who needs a soft gojo a while back, thank you!

a part of gojo's love entries

general masterlist

When he was 16, Gojo Satoru thought that protecting other people was a pain, and didn't take it seriously.

Later, when he realized that even non-sorcerers deserve to live their lives in peace, he dedicated himself to becoming stronger so that he would be capable to protect them more. However, even then, he didn't perceive their worth as significant.

But when you entered the picture, that measly, glorified word suddenly became so much more.

Usually people would only care about whether he had succeeded his mission or not. His formidable reputation as the epitome of strength means no one is genuinely interested in his wellbeing—no one after Suguru, to be exact—until you did.

After a whirlwind romance of attraction and banters, Satoru reached the conclusion that he wanted you, the only person left who actually made him feel like a human, to stay happy and safe. He would do it with his own hands, even if it meant reshaping this cruel world to be kinder for you with him as your shield.

And the word “protect” gained an entirely new meaning years later, when he rested his head on your swollen belly—the place where his new cherished treasure was growing.

“When will he come out~?” he asked in a whiny tone and a blissful smile, even though he clearly knew the answer.

You shook your head with playful resignation, unable to conceal your smile. "In three weeks. Now help me get comfortable, you dork."

He helped you turn over and fetched a pillow to place under your aching spine. Then, with a mischievous grin, he lightly poked your belly with two fingers, eliciting a yelp from you.

"Don't poke me! You're poking your child!"

To that, Satoru merely threw his head back and snickered like the dumbass he was. He then tenderly rested his hand on the taut skin of your belly, gently massaging it, smiling with ardent happiness.

"Can't really believe it," he sighed, brimming with the purest sense of contentment. "A mini Gojo, huh... You're really doing a honorable work."

A child of his and yours. He had always wondered how he would be after seeing him firsthand—would he laugh just like he had been doing now, or will it be the first instance that move him to the point of shedding tears? One of the reasons he eagerly anticipated his son's birth was just to discover how he would react.

Seeing the weight of his baby growing within you, making you rounder and fuller, stirred a deep well of warm emotions in him with each passing day though.

"I am," you retorted cheekily, rolling your eyes. "In fact, you should be revering and worshipping me for carrying your spawn."

He merely hummed in a childlike manner, feeling his baby move around under his touch. You were about to roast him again with something funny when he leaned down and planted a kiss on your tummy, whispering to it.

"Please come out already~ Papa wants to meet you!"

Your heart swelled with warmth at that moment. Gojo Satoru was many things, but he wasn't typically known for his softness—he was often seen as this all-perfect being, and so witnessing him acting purely on his human emotions brought you a sense of happiness.

“Who do you think he’ll take after?” you mused.

“Hmmm. Me, obviously. He'll be hot just like me!” he quipped proudly, and you playfully smacked him on the arm.

Satoru caught your hand and kissed it tenderly amidst his grin. "But I want him to have your personality. I'd hate to see him be a show-off."

"So you do realize that you're actually a menace."

He laughed out loud, patting the generous swell of your belly again with a smug look on his face.

"I know, but I'm your menace, and that's all that matters."

And when his adorable son was born less than three weeks later and you passed out due to sheer exhaustion, Satoru vowed by everything in the heavens and the earth that he wouldn't spare anything to protect you and his child from this curse-filled world.

Epilogue - on the night of the birth -

“Satoru—” you panted, grimacing, head jerking back as your womb throbbed and pulsed in order to bring forth your child into the world. “I… feel like I’m going to faint…”

Worry etched his face as you leaned on him. “Hey, hey… Calm down sweetheart, relax and catch up on your breath, okay? Don’t worry, he’ll come out soon.”

Somehow his words rubbed you the wrong way.

“Hahh—this… is because of you! This happened because you shoved your stick into me! You horny bas—aahh!”

“Well, hey! Last I remembered, you begged me to put it into you! And I'm not—pfft—”

“Then what are you?!”

“Hmmm, nothing but a man who got you pregnant, sweetheart~”

“If I bleed out and die, it’s going to be your fault, you evil, wretched sorcerer!”

[kykyonthemoon]

Hey! If this isn’t too much too ask can you do a chapter with like it’s the mcs birthday and they celebrate it with rafayel

Dear Anon-san,

It might already pass your birthday, but I do hope you enjoy this piece. Happy (belated) birthday! And thank you for sending me this ask 💙 I had a magical time writing it.

A Day In The Heart Of The Ocean

It was your birthday, and Rafayel brought the entire ocean to you.

── .✦ Rafayel x Reader (MC)

♡︎. Tags: fluff, birthday fluff, magical, Rafayel in his merman form, a really short fic.

♡︎. Word count: 687w

── .✦ Masterlist ♡ Request a fic - closed for the time being.

You had no clue why Rafayel insisted on you staying the night at his house until you awoke the next morning and found yourself in some mystical realm.

There were numerous flower petals of all sorts scattered over the bed and floor. They created a carpet beneath your feet. You remembered sleeping in a room that was not like the one you were seeing: a genuine aquarium with walls that recreated the ocean. You reached out a hand. What a surprise! The front wall was actually made of water! You even felt tickled as the tiny fish swam across your fingertips. You rubbed your eyes. Were you dreaming still?

Following the flower carpet spread on the floor, you left the room. Everything out there was even more magical. It was as if Rafayel's entire mansion had sunk to the bottom of the ocean while you were asleep. While admiring the water from the window, you pondered what was going on here.

You must find Rafayel. From the living room to the kitchen and his studio; everything was vacant. You wanted to go out to the garden to find him, but the main door was locked. At that time, panic struck you.

“Rafayel? Where are you?!"

You kept calling his name. In response, there was only the sound of the ocean chanting lullabies. Everything was blurry as if you were in a dreaming state. You squeezed your arm till it ached. No. You were not in a dream. Then why were you here?

At that moment, there was a light tap on one of the windows. There was no one outside, only a school of jellyfish passing by. One of the two doors was ajar, but not a drop of seawater spilled inside. You moved closer and pushed both windows open.

The most melodious song ever to your ears was played. It seemed far away, yet so close. You glanced around, searching. Rafayel's garden was completely submerged in water. And then, you found him.

That was not Rafayel as you knew. In front of you was a merman.

Feeling your presence, Rafayel turned around and smiled. His eyes sparkled a soft blue. His ears had been replaced with those of a mythical creature undersea. And his legs had vanished, leaving only a long merman tail with each layer of scales emitting an aura. He instantly swam to your side, leaning on the window sill. His face and bare chest leaned inside the room to be close to you.

“Good morning, Your Highness.”

You were still astounded by Rafayel's merman form. You had seen him like that before, but this time it was entirely different. He took your hand and asked:

“Are you ready?”

"Huh?"

“This is my gift to you,” Rafayel explained. “Today is your birthday after all.”

You let out a loud "oh". You did not even remember that it was your birthday. Rafayel had given you such a big surprise. You stammered:

“You... remember?...”

“Of course I do, silly!” He laughed. “Who do you think that could prepare all this for you in just one night?”

“How did you?...” You could not find any words to describe this place anymore. 

"Exceptionally surprising, isn't it?" Rafayel smiled triumphantly. “This is the very first time you celebrate your birthday with me. Of course I have to make it a laaaaaaaaasting memory you won't ever forget!”

“Thank you… Rafayel…” You were so touched that you could start to cry.

“Follow me,” Rafayel gently squeezed your hand. “The entire ocean today will be yours alone, your highness the princess.”

Rafayel placed a kiss on your hand, and before you could do anything, he pulled you into the sea water. You battled for a long while, fearing that you might drown. Then, you were surprised to discover that you could open your eyes and breathe normally in that environment. 

You glanced at Rafayel. He clutched your hand firmly while you were both floating above the garden. Even though his lips did not move, strangely, you could hear his voice clearly. He was singing in Lemurian.

“Happy birthday to you, my beloved.”

[sleepyhutcherson]

Heyy, can you make a Mike fic where reader has a lot of money and buys things for Mike and Abby and Mike always feels guilty about it? I love your job!!

-💋

get anything you want.

paring: mike schmidt x rich!gn!reader

summary: mike has never tolerated you paying for anything on dates, let alone even buy him anything, so when you show up to his front door insisting to take him and abby to the mall he’s a little reluctant, knowing you’re going to try and spoil him, something he really doesn’t want.

—or, in which: you take your boyfriend and his little sister shopping in attempt to spoil them.

word count: 2.0k

tags: established relationship, use of y/n, fluff, rich!reader (but it’s very briefly mentioned), abby being the sweetest, most adorable girl <3, reassurance — let me know if i’m missing something!

author’s note: hii guys, so i genuinely hate this so much and have so many drafts of this (i have so many versions of this request) because i struggled so much with it :| anyway, i swear i want to get to everyone’s request and i have the time so i hope i can manage! sorry for being really absent on here but i was dealing with some things but im hopefully back!! thank you anon for the request, and im sorry this is so late :( i hope you enjoy it nonetheless! xx

Mike didn’t like going to the mall—especially not on a Saturday. He dreaded the idea of going shopping with you but only because you always insisted on paying for his things. He couldn’t fathom why you would even want to do that for him. Mike was always careful with his money, he didn’t earn much at his shitty job but the money he did earn always went to the house bills, food, and Abby—the more important things. He was aware that you made really good money at your job but he never wanted you to use your money on him.

But of course, Mike had a hard time telling you no so when you suggest going to the mall all he can do is agree, especially once he sees the excitement in Abby’s eyes.

You hold onto Abby’s hand as she walks in between you and Mike, she was talking over all the loud chaos in the mall, and Mike couldn’t help but feel pleased with how happy his little sister seemed at this moment.

He hated how crowded the mall was, how kids were running around, some crying, some laughing obnoxiously loud—it was all just a little too much for Mike, but seeing that look in Abby’s big, brown eyes, he could tolerate it for a bit.

“So you only come for your birthdays?” You ask Abby, bringing Mike back to reality. He adored how good you were with her, it made his heart quicken. You were always so sweet towards Abby, going out of your way to play with her, ask her questions, and even participating in drawing lessons she insisted you needed.

Abby nods. “Yeah, and Mike lets me get ice cream and a toy!” She says with bright eyes. Her birthday was a couple of months ago and being back at the mall filled her with those memories she cherished with her older brother.

It was apparent how grateful she was for that yearly trip to the mall; she never complained about not coming more often. Mike had told her that the mall was a special place so why not come by on a special day? That made sense to the 10-year-old girl and she never argued to come more often.

“How about if you find something you really want, I’ll get it for you.” You suggest. Both siblings turn their attention to you in sync and you can’t help but smile at how alike they can be at times. You come to a halt, causing Mike and Abby to stop as well, you point out to the front of you, “look, Build-A-Bear is just over there, you can take a look inside and if you see something you want I’ll get it for you.”

You can feel Mike’s eyes on you as you speak to his little sister. “Really?!” Abby beamed, eyes so puppy-like they mirrored some you were all too familiar with.

“Of course. Get anything you want.” This excites Abby, you can tell by the way her eyes go wide along with her smile. Her reaction made you smile.

You meet Mike’s gaze now, noticing that stern, guilt-ridden look on his face that you’ve seen on him before—specifically whenever you try to pay for things. “Is that okay?” You ask him then.

His lips are in a thin line. He turns his attention to Abby then, “Abs, why don't you go get one of those bouncy balls from that quarter machine?” He reaches into his pocket, pulling out some extra change.

“Okay, thanks!” She takes the change, skipping over to where a few quarter machines are displayed; some with candy and others with little trinkets. She was still in sight—Mike made sure of that every time.

“You okay?” You ask your boyfriend, sensing you have upset him. You knew it was hard for him to accept any kind of help, especially when it came to you offering to buy anything for him or Abby. He wasn't angry, he just felt bad. He looked at you with those tired brown eyes that you were oh so struck by every time, didn’t matter how many times you’ve looked into them.

“Yeah,” he replies, taking a minute before continuing, not knowing exactly how to word what he wants to say. Maybe because he’s told you before so many times. “I just—I don’t want you wasting your money on us.” He says as gently as he can.

“Mike, it’s not a big deal.” You say. And you mean it. Mike and Abby had become two of the most important people in your lives and you wanted to help them however you could. “I know I should’ve asked you first, but I just wanted her to get her something.”

Mike admired this about you, how you were willing to buy something for Abby even though you didn't have to. But still, he felt shitty about it, it didn’t feel right. Even though you were the one who offered, he felt like he was taking advantage of your money.

You notice the guilt on Mike’s face and immediately move to cup his face, letting your hands rest against the sides of his face, feeling his stubble against your palm. He's a little surprised by this; you see the way his eyes widen a little at your touch and you giggle at how adorable his reaction was.

“Hey,” you say, your voice soothing to his ears. You look up at him, his eyes immediately softening upon seeing the small precious smile on your lips. “Look, I understand if you don't want to but I would love to buy you both something today. You rarely come to the mall so just please let me spoil you both just today?”

Mike’s hands are on your waist now, his thumb softly rubbing at your clothed skin. He knows how stubborn you are and knows that you won’t give up on this—plus, he doesn’t think he has the heart to tell Abby no after you already offered to buy her something. “Fine,” he agrees, but before you can get too excited: “but only Abby.”

He won’t let you pay anything for him. It’s not like anything in the mall ever really caught his eye anyway.

You smile, pecking his lips softly. “Thank you.” You were a little disappointed that he denied you from getting him something but you weren’t giving up that easy; you knew a place in the mall that Mike was an absolute sucker for, where there was a chance he would be tempted to stop at.

Abby returns with a bouncy ball in hand, thrilled with that until you remind her of Build-A-Bear. She yaps on about her collection of stuffed animals she has at home and how thrilled she was about adding another to it the short walk to the store.

Mike is quiet the entire time you and Abby are looking for a plushie for her to pick out—she was debating between a rabbit or an actual bear. You catch Mike looking at the prices with a certain look on his face, giving his arm a gentle squeeze, reassuring him that it was okay. And it really was.

He tried to focus on just how incredibly happy Abby looked right now which was the most important thing. It warmed his heart seeing her so happy, the way her eyes glistened under the lights, how wide they got whenever they landed on another toy. God, did it make Mike smile just seeing her like this. He decided to focus on that, not the guilt that was eating him.

“What did you name it?” Mike asks, holding Abby's hand as the three of you continue walking around the mall.

Abby was clutching onto the brown rabbit she picked out that was dressed in a purple onesie that you let her get. “Baby. Y/n gave me the idea! They said if you move the letters around in my name it spells out ‘Baby’.” She explained with her focus entirely on her new friend.

Mike had never noticed that, he smiled warmly at that, finding it rather sweet. “That’s nice,” he says, his eyes averting to you. He was holding your hand, this time he was in between the two of you. He wanted to hold your hand, he wanted to thank you for this, for everything you do.

For a while, the three of you walk through the mall leisurely. You make a few stops at some stores, making some purchases you had intended to make. Until you finally lead Mike down to where you were so sure he couldn’t resist.

“Should we go home now?” Mike asks, holding some of your shopping bags.

The food court was right by the exit. “You guys want ice cream?” You reply instead. Mike’s eyes light up at the suggestion, his eyebrows raising a little. God, he was so adorable!

“Yes!” Abby answers, with her rabbit—Baby, still being hugged by her.

“Do you want some?” You ask Mike with a menacing smirk on your face, knowing he wouldn’t let down some ice cream.

He bit the inside of his cheek, debating whether he should spend some of his money on ice cream. He didn’t mind getting some for you and Abby, the real guilt came whenever he got himself something. “Uh…”

“Come on, let's go get some.” You don’t even let him respond, you know him well enough. You drag the two Schmidts towards a small ice cream shop where there was luckily not a line, just a middle-aged woman with her teenage daughter.

You stand behind them, looking up at the menu with the flavours displayed. “What are you getting Abs?” You ask, looking down at her.

“Birthday cake,” she replies. It was her go-to order.

“Me too,” you decide, not having an appetite for the other flavours. “What about you, Mike?” You start taking out your wallet, Mike is distracted as he tries deciding on what to get from the menu.

“Maybe…a peanut butter shake.” He says slowly, still eyeing the other options. “Yeah, I think I’ll just get that.”

You don’t say anything as you’re just about next in line. You order everyone’s orders politely, earning a smile from the girl who is taking your order. She tells you your total and you see Mike reach for his wallet but you win him, handing the girl the cash. “Your order will be out in a moment.” She smiles and you thank her, moving to a side to wait with Abby and Mike.

“I should’ve known you would do that,” Mike mumbled, standing with his arms crossed over his chest. You knew he was trying to come off as angry but you couldn’t help but think how hot his arms looked.

“Oh, come on, Mike,” you whine a little, inching closer to him. He can’t stay mad at you for too long, he never has been able to. He wraps his arms around your waist, trying his best not to smile. Of course, he was filled with how you looked up at him with such adoration. “Can’t I buy my boyfriend a shake?” You say with a teasing tone.

“No,” he replies, looking down at you. “I can pay for my things too, you know?”

“I know,” you did know. You just wanted to treat him sometimes. He deserved him. If you could—if he allowed you to—you would spoil him to the fullest. “But I don’t mind paying for things, especially for things you and Abby need. I really don’t.”

God, he didn’t deserve you. He thought that—he wondered at times how he got so lucky with you. He doesn’t argue it any longer, only because he doesn’t want to right now, not saying that he will just continue letting you pay for things like this but he just doesn’t want to continue with this. He just wants to show you and tell you how much he appreciates you. How much he loves you.

“Thank you,” he murmured, his eyes never leaving yours. He pulls you closer to him, wrapping his arms around you. He leans down to whisper in your ear, “thank you.” such a simple thing, but the genuineness in his voice and the small kiss he plants just below your ear afterwards makes you cherish it.

taglist: @cancelledkaley @stanheights-boyfriend @ploty-twist @st4r-b0ylover @laurrrelise @joshfutturman @gryffindorsblog @sofiehutch @obsessivemuso-withnofriends @helen-on-earth @fallingboba @cassiecasluciluce @maticka @jhutchissupercool

thank you for reading and for all your support <3

[worksby-d]

Wrong Donut

Pairing: Andy Barber x pregnant!Reader

Summary: You can't get your favorite donut with your coffee, so Andy lets you cry to him about it over the phone 😖 (Idea from a lovely anon).

Warnings: None. Just soft and silly 🤭

Word count: ~800

∘◦❀◦∘

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. 

You roll your eyes at yourself. Repeating the words in your head only makes it worse really. 

Pulling up to the drive thru window, you’re thankful you have your sunglasses on so the teenager working doesn’t have to see that he inadvertently ruined a pregnant woman's day by telling you that they’re out of your favorite donut.

The short drive back to work is spent blinking tears away so you can see. You think–hope–it does the trick to ward them off completely.

It feels like you’re in the clear until you sit down at your desk to drink your coffee and, reluctantly, the donut the guy recommended to you instead of your usual. You only said yes to it because any more words out of your mouth would have given away the sob you were holding back.

You break down when you open the paper bag and catch a glimpse of it. Not the same.

“Fuck,” you curse at yourself for being so upset, pushing the bag away. 

Wiping some tears off your cheeks with your sweater, you grab your phone and fast walk down the hall to a restroom so no one can see you. 

The only way you know how to cope lately is calling Andy and hoping he has time to let you vent. The poor guy. You suspect one of these days he’ll just stop taking your calls, but you hope it's not today. 

It takes a few deep breaths before you can get yourself to dial his number.

On his end, he sees his phone light up and he knows the drill since you're only voice calling and not video calling like you usually prefer with him. 

“Hi, honey,” he answers carefully, bracing himself. 

“Hi,” you answer back, ready to lose it again from just hearing his voice. 

He can hear the frown on your face. 

“What's wrong?” 

“I got the wrong donut,” you sniffle. 

That's a new one, he thinks to himself. “What?” 

“I went to get my coffee and donut, but I had to go during lunch because I was running late this morning,” you recount. Tears fill your eyes again. “But because it was later in the day and they were busy, they didn't have the donut I wanted. I had to get a different one. And it's just not... right.”

He tries his best not to laugh, he really does. 

“I'm sorry that happened.” You can hear the tinge of amusement in his voice, but he's also being genuine. “It’s just a donut though, baby…” 

“I know,” you sob – Loud enough for him to hold his phone away from his ear for a second. “I think that's why I'm crying. I know it's stupid.” 

He can't help but laugh now. “It's not stupid,” he assures. “You’re just emotional.” 

He just listens to the residual crying on your end until it sounds like you're ready to talk again. 

“Where are you, by the way?” 

“Hiding in the bathroom.” 

He smiles hearing you laugh a little. 

“Did you eat?” He asks. Stupid question. He bites his lip. “I know it wasn't the you-know-what that you wanted, but you have to eat.” 

You roll your eyes at the way he censors the word. 

“Not yet…” You sigh, fixing your smudged makeup while you finish talking to him. Or maybe not. “Will you stay on the phone with me? Distract me while I do?”

He can't say no to you. “Of course.” 

∘◦❀◦∘

When you get home from work a couple hours later, you’ve forgotten all about your mid-day crisis. It was just like all of the other minute things that have made you cry over the past couple weeks. 

You don’t question that you got home before Andy. Every evening is a little different depending on how busy each of you are. Besides, you probably did hold him up by crying to him during your lunch break anyway. So you just go ahead and get everything out that you need for dinner while you wait for him.

Hearing the door open, you call out to let him know you’re in the kitchen. 

“Hi,” you beam at him. 

He’s relieved to see you smiling as he crosses the room to give you a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. “Hey, sweetie.”

Your eyes become focused on a paper bag in his hand though, giving him a look when he sets it on the counter in front of you. 

“What’s that?” 

“For you,” he winks. 

You’re skeptical, grabbing the bag and opening it slowly. You let out a short laugh catching sight of the donut that you wanted so badly earlier. 

“My donut?” You pout, looking back at him. “You found one?”

“Oh God, don’t cry,” he chuckles seeing the look in your eyes and pulls you into his arms. “That was supposed to do the opposite.”

“I can’t help it,” you sniffle, closing your eyes and pressing your face into his neck to keep yourself from crying. “Thanks.”

“It was a fresh batch. I'll go back and buy them all for you...”

He says it like he's joking, but you don't think he is. That's exactly something he would do for you.

“No, it's okay,” you laugh, holding your arms around him tighter as if to keep him from doing so. “Don't want anyone else going through what I did.”

∘◦❀◦∘

Tag list: @patzammit @denisemarieangelina @thummbelina @pppsssyyyccchhhiiiccc @astheskycries @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @la-cey @turtoix @harrysthiccthighss @tvckerlance @rocketrhap3000 @mrspeacem1nusone @murdcox @geminievans1 @doozywoozy @americasass91 @dwights-new-plague @wwwmarissa92 @redhairedfeistynerd @whxre4cevans @aubreeskailynn @white-wolf1940 @melchills-j @xoxabs88xox @before-we-get-started @chrissquares @christowhore @ice-dtae @mariestark @justile @rogersbarber @dilfbarber @livstilinski @payperhearts @vintagestarlight @gitasor @chaeycunty @miss-ariella @bemysugarbean @t-stark35 @seitmai @reginaphalange2403 @raelorns21 @mrsgweasley @pandaxnienke @brandycranby

[goldfades]

ok LOVED ur blurb about trevor’s gf giving him head for the first time it’s doing something to me bless the anon that requested that 😵‍💫

can u write a similar one where it’s her first time giving head but maybe it’s just slightly softer, like she’s nervous and he literally talks her through what to do (“want me to teach you?” or something like that). he still has a dirty mouth tho hehe

OFC BABE, trevor is a sweetie at heart

─ warnings | NSFW! read at your own discretion!! soft trevor (for the most part), praise, slight dacryphilia???? but not really????? (big word for me lol HAHAH)

your hands slowly gripped trevor's cock, your nervous expression not going unnoticed by your boyfriend. trevor's gaze never left you as you did, his heart swelling with affection for you.

"it's okay, baby. relax for me, can you do that?" his voice came out softer than usual but it helped calm your nerves as you gave him a smile.

you gave him a nod but his eyebrows raised, wanting a verbal response from you. "yeah,"

"yeah? good girl. now just take me, as slow as you want." trevor slowly explained as you did as you were told. your lips wrapped around the head of his cock, his tip feeling heavy on your tongue.

"fuck, baby." trevor's head fell back in pleasure as he let out a sigh. "so good for me, huh, princess?"

you tried to adjust to the feeling of his cock in your mouth, feeling your eyes sting with tears. but you weren't gonna lying, seeing him so fucked out already made you feel so powerful ─ you had him so down bad with a swipe of your tongue.

"fuck, baby. use your tongue, sweetheart." he moaned breathlessly as he tried to keep his gaze at you. you began licking up and down his shaft, feeling him in all his glory. "yeah, fuck. just like that, keep going."

his hand slid down to grip your hair before letting out a groan. "shit, can you take all of me now?"

it wasn't just an affirmation, it was a genuine question. he didn't want you to feel pressured to do anything, his gaze was adoring as he looked down at you.

you gave him a nod as you wrapped your mouth on his cock, slowly taking him in deeper. trevor let out a groan, a string of curses coming from his mouth as he felt the warmness of your mouth.

"yeah, just like that. fuck, baby you feel so fucking good." he rambled on as his head fell back in utter pleasure, his eyes shutting. his grip was still tight on your hair but you couldn't care less, making him feel so good made you feel good in return.

you bobbed your head up and down his cock, feeling his tip hit the back of your throat as you gagged. but you kept it up until you felt his grip tighten and then pull you off.

"please," you whimpered breathlessly. "i can swallow, promise."

trevor let out a cocky laugh as he heard your pathetic whines, his cock got harder at the thought. "shit, you sure?"

all he needed was a feeble nod and his cock was back in your throat, your head bobbing up and down subconsciously at this point. and as quickly as you got back inside of your mouth, he was cumming with a loud groan.

you tasted the salty taste of his cum and you moaned as you swallowed as much as you could. trevor wanted to pull out his phone and take a picture of you, you looked so fucking hot with your fucked out expression, spit on your cheeks and chin and especially the tears running down your face.

"fuck, baby. you were so good." trevor praised as he gripped your cheeks and pulled you in for a sloppy kiss. "so good for me, baby."

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[ryuichirou]

TWST cursing and dirty jokes hcs

Anonymous asked:

Do you have any headcanons for the twst boys and how often they curse? Who curses the most? Who has the dirtiest mouth? Who says the worst things? Who sounds unnatural when they swear?

On the same subject, who likes dirty jokes? Who thinks they’re immature? Who knows the dirtiest most vulgar things and says them on the regular (think Miu Iruma levels of vulgarity)? Who sounds like an inexperienced virgin whenever they crack dirty jokes or says vulgar things?

Anonymous asked:

Do you have head-canons for the Twst boys cursing?

The first ask was sent quite a while ago, and the second one is today; what a good timing, because I already wanted to post this today! Thank you for your request, Anons.

This ask got me super excited. Funny thing is, I don’t really like overusing curse words for some of the characters because it feels like they wouldn’t use it… But I guess a lot of them ended up using it one way or another huh.

When it comes to Mui Iruma levels of vulgarity though, they still have a lot to learn…

Riddle – not only he doesn’t swear, he is also the type of person to say things that could have a different meaning without realising it. Like, he would say the word “come” in a perfectly normal way, and some of the boys from his dorm (Ace) would snicker… or when he said the word “sextant”, and Ace made him repeat it like 5 times by asking seemingly genuine innocent questions about the thing. Riddle absolutely hates when Ace does it, he thinks it’s beyond immature, and frankly, not a lot of things make him as mad as being caught in these “swearing” traps. He also absolutely hates dirty jokes. Riddle has never said the word “fuck” in his life, and he is very proud of it! (only heard it for the first time like 2 or 3 years ago…) I think Riddle genuinely thinks that if someone curses, it’s a sign of their low intelligence.

Ace – he curses all the time. He tries not to do it in front of some senpais (the more strict ones, like Vil or Riddle), but not all of them – he swears in front of Trey, Cater, Jamil and Floyd without holding back at all. But he is also the type that could swear even in front of a professor if he is too pissed off… He definitely got into trouble at least a couple of times for saying “FUCK” out-loud during class. Speaking of class, he likes to think that he has some, and that he isn’t an immature boy laughing at stupid dirty jokes, but he’s delusional about himself: he is an immature boy laughing at stupid dirty jokes. Sometimes he comes up with a roundabout way to call someone a virgin masturbator to tease them (mostly Deuce), but there are times when he just does the “yo mama” thing. Not as often as he used to do when he was a middleschooler though. He also called Riddle a cunt once... but “bitch” is his favourite word.

Deuce – he used to curse a lot; he would say a 10-word sentence, and at least 5 words of the sentence would be some variation of “fuck”. Delinquent baby Deuce called people twats left and right. But now he is extremely ashamed of it, and does his best not to do it… it’s kind of difficult for him because it’s been less than a year + a lot of the swear words used to be his “buffer words” that he would just stick in his speech while he was thinking of some other word, and now he has to think properly and choose his words before speaking… it’s very obvious when he’s trying to come up with another phrasing in his head because he gets silent for a couple of moments lol Still, he can’t actively think about these things all the time, so he says “fuck” every now and then, and then gets instantly embarrassed. Ace makes fun of him for that. As for the dirty jokes, he can’t help but laugh at them sometimes, but he doesn’t say anything himself, not anymore.

Trey – he prefers not to curse, it’s just not his style, plus it isn’t very pleasant to the ear overall. But it’s not like he is 100% innocent either, sometime he would mutter “fuck” quietly to himself if he is frustrated or surprised, but he tries not to do it in front of others. It would ruin the image they have of him… or make him 100 times more attractive somehow, and Trey wouldn’t really want that either! So sometimes he uses some silly phrases instead of cursing, like “fudge brownies”... He doesn’t like dirty jokes, but if they’re funny, he’ll chuckle. Very sneakily though.

Cater – he curses sometimes, but it doesn’t sound like something “heavy” when it comes from him. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t overdo it and says it casually, like “holy shit” or “I’m fucking excited”. Funny enough, he tries to change these words into “frick” or “holy cow” when he’s around freshmen. Yes he knows that both of them curse, but he’s trying to set an example here, right? He loves dirty jokes though! But then again, he would say them in a very sneaky way not to ruin his cute and cool senpai image.

Leona – he curses more than Falena does, and he started to do it exactly to spite Falena. His brother is very proper with his way of speaking, and whenever Leona says something a prince shouldn’t, Falena always looked bothered and disappointed – this is why he got this habit. He doesn’t swear all the time, but whenever he does, it sounds surprisingly fitting and natural. He doesn’t like dirty jokes though; I guess deep inside he is a prince after all.

Ruggie – he knows a lot of curse words, and some of them are very rare, creative and frankly scary sounding, but he doesn’t swear very often – he is very good at controlling himself. He knows that you can seriously affect the way others see you in professional setting if you go around cursing left and right. Still, Ruggie does say “fuck” and “shit” sometimes. And he loves dirty jokes! He doesn’t make those jokes himself, but he would laugh at one if he hears it.

Jack – he doesn’t swear at all, but if he is deeply, extremely angry, then after all the “GRRRRR”s you miiiight hear one “fuck”. But this is such a rare occasion that it’s going to sound weird coming from him. He also doesn’t like it when the word “bitch” is used as a curse word because now he can’t use it normally without having other freshmen giggle… He also hates dirty jokes :( party pooper.

Azul – he doesn’t normally curse, in general, he would prefer not to curse at all, but sometimes, when he speaks you could almost hear him starting to say something bad, and then quickly change it into something else. Azul got one nasty tongue, but it’s mostly hidden… mostly. The Tweels know that Azul could say curse words that would make a lot of people blush (not them though). Azul doesn’t limit himself when he’s talking to them + sometimes mutters to himself angrily. He also picked up some of the words and phrases from Idia. But when it comes to dirty jokes, Azul absolutely hates them and thinks they are the lowest form of comedy. When did you become a comedy expert, Azul?

Jade – sometimes he looks like he is just waiting for the right moment to drop the F-bomb when people around him expect it the least, but he knows that once he does it, this mystique and this tension will be lost forever. It won’t feel like a big deal anymore. So he doesn’t do it… yet. He is waiting for the perfect moment to drop his first F-bomb! <3 He is also a liar though, this isn’t his first F-bomb at all. When it comes to dirty jokes, Jade, surprisingly, loves them when someone else is the target. But he has very high standards for those and wants them to be as nasty as possible! He won’t say it, of course, but he’s always hoping the joking person will go there.

Floyd – oh he curses no problem. He doesn’t make a big deal out of it – this is just the way he speaks. His parents and teachers tried to combat Floyd’s cursing habits, but no one’s ever succeeded at anything… he cursed in front of Crowley once, and Crowley couldn’t even scold him.  Everyone is powerless against Floyd’s “fuck”… He does like dirty jokes every now and then, but they are hit or miss with him. Sometimes he laughs hysterically at the most raunchy immature things ever, but sometimes he just looks disappointed and says “nah that’s just nasty”. He loves teasing Riddle with dirty jokes though… he always reacts in a fun way.

Kalim – he doesn’t swear! He just doesn’t feel the need to. When he was little, he asked Jamil what a “fuck” was… and then there was a moment when he was very confused about pussies and cocks. What an animal farm! The truth is, people don’t really swear around Kalim, so cursing is still sounds very unnatural to him. He doesn’t judge though! But he doesn’t like dirty jokes… they kind of make him uncomfortable? He likes silly toilet humour sometimes though, which is ??? Why, Kalim? As long as it isn’t too gross, I guess…

Jamil – he is the reason why Kalim asked about the meaning behind the “fuck”, and he got in so much trouble for that that he never said anything even remotely dirty around Kalim after that point. He didn’t know Kalim was listening, okay! He was just talking to himself! But yeah, Jamil curses from time to time, but also all the time in his head. He has a never-ending broadcast of repeating “what the actual fuck?” in his head at all times. He’s a bit similar to Azul in a way that you don’t want to know what he thinks… He doesn’t like dirty jokes, but he isn’t a saint – sometimes he would snicker if the joke is witty enough.

Vil – he curses extremely rarely, and he would prefer not to swear at all, but at the same time he thinks that words are just words and there is no need to be precious about it. Still he thinks that swearing at inappropriate place and time is absolutely unacceptable and shows one's disregard to people around them and their lack of self-control, tact and common sense. He lectures poor Epel a lot because Epel has no business bringing his potty mouth to his dorm. I think there are three situations in which Vil could potentially curse: out of intense frustration (super rare), in a sexual setting (who says “penis” when they fuck?) and on film if the script requires it. The latter would be such a jumpscare for everyone who knows him irl… and for his fanbase as well. He doesn’t like dirty jokes 95% of the time, but when the starts align… and if the joke is, once again, witty and not very in-your-face…

Rook – he doesn’t curse at all, but it’s not because he doesn’t like “bad words”. He finds them very poetic, and he probably experimented with them in some of his private poems, but when it comes to his manner of speech, it just doesn’t sound right. Maybe it’s because he never hears those words from the stage when he watches an opera? It’s not like his parents or anyone else prohibited him from swearing at any point in his life. I think if someone hears him say a dirty word, they would be even more shocked than hearing one from Vil. When it comes to dirty jokes Rook actually loves them, because he thinks they express a lot about a person making them. I guess he views them in a very anthropological, culturological and linguistical kind of way. Please don’t ask him what the fuck that even means, he will answer…

Epel – he knows a lot of scary words… some of which are native to the area he grew up in. Being his grandma's little copy, when Epel curses, it’s very powerful and kind of shocking. He can't really swear anymore because Vil WILL wash his mouth with soap, but sometimes he gets carried away. He is similar to Deuce in a way that he gets those “fuck- oh, I mean- geez-“ moments. He loves dirty jokes though, maybe even more than Ace does, and when he doesn’t have to pretend to be a cutie, he says some nasty stuff. Especially when he gets carried away… he loves being provocative and shocking with his jokes, but people around him usually think that he is trying too hard to be edgy sometimes lol

Idia – he swears, and it's not really a big deal to him. People who act all insulted when you use a no-no word are funny to him, especially when they are super self-righteous about it. He thinks that censorship is stupid, and keeping kids away from curse words is also stupid. No one really swears back at his home though, so it's the Internet that made Idia start cursing. He knows a lot of words that people rarely use, but they’re used on certain /boards/… you know, typical Idia behavior. He doesn’t like dirty jokes though: poop jokes are stupid and gross, dick jokes are too dick-obsessed, sex jokes are too overrated. He is yet to hear a funny one. Do better.

Ortho – he used to have a filter in his "head", just so he doesn't start repeating everything he saw on the Internet. So he used to have a no swear rule technically! And he hated it because he always wanted to say the same words Idia said, and it was very difficult for him to find a roundabout way to do it. But now he doesn’t have this filter anymore and he can curse however he wants! The first time he said the word “fuck” felt like magic. Idia (or anyone else) still can’t get used to Ortho cursing though, it sounds so wrong and weird, so Ortho doesn’t do it too much. Also, ironically, he is the one to tell Idia not to use certain words sometimes because he’s being too mean……. Also, Ortho likes dirty jokes because he feels like this is what cool kids are into, and he is a cool kid! But Idia’s disregard towards them still influences him; so he never says anything himself…

Lilia – he is horrible. I think it’s safe to say that he has the biggest library of curse words in his head, some of which went out of style ages ago, but Lilia still uses them from time to time. Well, these days he tries to be more cute, so sometimes he use cuter versions of his favourite swear words; so technically he would also say stuff like “fudge brownies” lol He sounds like a grandpa when he swears, either a sailor grandpa or a cute grumpy grandpa. He is holding back a lot though, no one would survive Lilia’s verbal attack when he’s serious. He loves dirty jokes though! They make him feel young~ Sometimes he goes “boo you’re no fun” because no one else in Diasmonia really likes this type of humour.

Silver – he doesn’t curse. Somehow, being around Lilia or his classmates didn't affect him at all. He knows what these words mean, and it's not like he is avoiding them on purpose, but they just don't stick to him. I guess he is just too pure for this world. He doesn’t  really care about dirty jokes, but when they’re said at someone else’s expense, he would ask not to harass that person. What a knight.

Sebek – he doesn’t curse, and he is extremely righteous about it! Similarly to Riddle, he thinks that people who curse are just swines with low intelligence and no self-control! Lilia is an exception, of course! I think Sebek would actually overload and faint if someone forced him to say a bad word. He curses in other ways, actually, and he thinks that phrases that he chooses are much classier. Like the words “buffoon”… or “swine” of course. Oh, and he absolutely loathes dirty jokes. Like, he would get visibly angry when he hears them.

Malleus – one day when he was younger he felt a little rebellious and dropped a no-no word on Lilia. He still remembers Lilia’s shocked face, it was priceless. Still, Malleus never curses; those words just aren’t in his vocabulary, despite the fact that Lilia is pretty comfortable swearing in front of him. Maybe the time has come for him to shock Lilia again…which word should he choose? Also yeah, no surprises here, he doesn’t like dirty jokes at all. Whenever he hears them, he feels like a teenage sister sitting at her 7 y.o. brother’s birthday while he is telling poop jokes to his friends of the same age. Out of place, awkward, a little grossed out. Sexual jokes are a bit better, but it has to be an extremely classy one said by someone he really really really likes, or he just won’t get it and get mad instead.

[miffysrambles]

Hello there! Call me cake anon!!

Can I get a Wukong with an fem s/o who had nightmares all day night?

Ty and have a good day!

~🍰

Wukong with an S/O who has nightmares

You woke up gasping for air as the pressure in your chest was excruciating, tears rolling down your cheeks as you cried in your sleep mere moments ago.

Your boyfriend Wukong awoke soon after you as he shifted slowly from your swift movements.

He sat up quickly, holding your hands gently as he tried to help you calm down.

“Hey peaches, it’s ok it’s just a nightmare. You’re safe, I’m here.”

His words were laced with genuine comfort and love as the tip of his tail slightly caressed you back.

He smiled as a way to show you everything was alright, “Can you try to breathe for me?”

He showed you an exaggerated example by dramatically deeply breathing in and out, earning a laugh from you (and a small smile from him, he loved seeing you laugh) as you tried to regulate your breathing.

You looked at him as you breathed in and out, your trembling form returning almost to normal as you examined every feature on his face.

You took in every facial feature of his, from his small fangs to the peach-colored marking around his eyes as it was very much distracting you from the night terrors you were experiencing mere minutes beforehand.

“That’s my (Name), you’re doing so good peaches. Just keep breathing.” His regular cheeky self was almost non-existent, it being replaced with a gentle aura as he smiled at you, his thumbs caressing the back of your hands.

You were finally able to form coherent sentences as you pulled him close, his arms wrapping around you as you both breathed softly in sync, your chests softly colliding into one another.

“Was it the same nightmare?” His voice softly asked you, caressing your back.

“Mhm…’ You nodded your head, making a sigh escape his lips.

“I’m sorry sunshine, damnit I wish I could make them go away already.”

You were plagued with nightmares for a while now so this wasn’t the first time he had helped you.

“You think with me being the Monkey King and all, I could do more than help you breathe.” He chuckled softly.

You laughed in response to his remark as you wiped your eyes, kissing his cheek as your lips curled into a smile.

“That’s the best thing you can do honestly, just being with me is enough. Thank you.” 

He beamed as he pulled you down back onto the bed with his arms still wrapped around you, making you lay on top of him.

You let out a soft squeal as he kissed you on the lips, caressing your face with his hand as the other still rested on your back.

He pulled away from your lips with a grin and a half-lidded gaze, his fangs poking out of his lips, “I will always be right next to you whenever you need me peaches, I swear that’s a promise.”

You blushed as you looked at him with a loving stare, kissing him once more as his tail wagged softly under the both of you.

He looked at you with a bold grin, wanting nothing more than to see you laugh again, “I think I deserve a lot more kisses than that (Name)!”

He tried to cover your face with kisses as you playfully pushed his face away from you, making you roll over on your back as he was now on top of you.

You laughed as he made loud ‘mwah’ sounds, trying to get closer to your lips.

“Never! Now you don’t get any more kisses forever.”

He gasped dramatically as he clutched his heart, pretending his heart was breaking.

“My heart! You got me where it hurts (Name), that was too far!” He had a fake sad expression as he looked away from you.

You tried to suppress your giggles as you rolled your eyes, “Fine, you can have more kisses since you’re a great boyfriend.”

He grinned as he leaned down to your face, your noses touching as he raised an eyebrow, “The greatest?”

You finally let the laugh escape as you nod, “The greatest ever.”

[rebornologist]

hyyyyg excuse me you have activated my thirst how dare you ?? please,, as a fellow hoe,, grant me specific and steamy words Giotto would say during 👀 ;) 👀. the softest,, the praise - I’d LIKE TO MELT HERE.

- 🫠 anon

(Bonus points if you want to add older Tsuna, older Takashi, and older Enma - definitely not needed but I am curious.)

I can’t write this for Enma bc he’s canonically only been depicted as a minor, and I don’t have the brain cells to age him up myself, sorry! I think he’d be a sweetheart though, very.. blunt and direct 👍 I hope these snippets inspire you thoo

♡ Dirty Talking with Giotto, Tsuna, & Yamamoto ✧

✧ Giotto

You are right about him being big on praise. He treats all of his partners like he would a spouse from the get-go, and his words match that energy. He enjoys pet names like dove, (my) love, dear, and darling. Also likely to refer to his partner as beautiful or handsome with eyes full of desire and a charming smile on his face.

“How do you want me, darling? Don’t be shy, now.. say it out loud..”

“You’re doing so amazing, my love.. so sweet and dripping for me.. I'm sorry that I made you wait all day for this.. thank you for being so .. patient,” he murmurs the last bit, emphasizing it with brushing the soft pads of his fingers over the spot that he knows will have you legs buckling under you.

୨୧ ⁺˳₊ ♡ ₊˳⁺ ୨୧

✧ Sawada Tsunayoshi

He really, really enjoys romantic, loving, cuddly sex with a partner. He might literally malfunction if someone asked him to be rough with them. He’s not super smooth of a talker, but he’s soooo honest when something feels good to him, and very breathy and prone to whimpering when overwhelmed with pleasure.

“Hahh.. you have no idea… how much it makes my head spin when you do that..”

He nods frantically when you ask if something feels good, with a soft whine and tugging his lower lip between his teeth.

“Y-yes.. Yesyesyes, please whatever you do, don’t stop-”

“Do you.. like it like this? Yeah? Yeah, me too.. aah.. g-good… hhah.. you feel so good,” (very breathy, chest heaving, sheets-gripping, soft hair pulling kind of vibe here..)

୨୧ ⁺˳₊ ♡ ₊˳⁺ ୨୧

✧ Yamamoto Takeshi

He can be quite playful during sex, and what he says reflects that— he doesn’t take it too seriously and loves to get a good laugh in just as much as he likes to set the mood.

Sometimes he’ll catch you staring when he’s undressing and flash a crooked grin. “Hey, how you doin-?” He quips, raising his eyebrows suggestively and pretending to be super smooth by purposefully lowering his voice, followed by a full, toothy, genuine smile and laugh, nose scrunching and chuckling from deep in his chest.

“Hahahah, I’m kidding, I’m kidding.. yes, I know I don’t have to do any of that.. come over here, pretty baby~ You can do more than just look..”

He isn’t great at describing exactly what he wants a partner to do, but takes the initiative to physically demonstrate or adjust the activity towards what he has in mind. When they are doing things exactly how he likes it, he makes it very clear..

“Yeah, just like.. that. Ah.. hah.. fuck, you’re taking me so deep, my perfect angel..”

[infinite-orangepeel]

So consider this… It’s two weeks after the end of S4, Poor Steve is trying to unwind at home as best he can so he’s taken to jerking off regularly and letting himself be as loud as he wants ‘cause who the fuck still lives in Hawkins these days? And then the lights start flickering, the camera does a full 360 sideways and there is a very much alive very red-faced Eddie Munson in the upside-down version of Steve’s house, rapidly flickering the lights and shouting “I CAN HEAR YOU HARRINGTON, GODDAMN IT!”

ANON ! i'm in love with you and kissing you on the forehead for this one. 1) because it made me cackle out loud and i was in need of a good laugh, so thank you my angel 😇 and 2) because i'm now convinced that this has to be a scene in s5 or i'll simply pass away ! too good !!

!! PLEASE READ BELOW BEFORE CLICKING THE READ MORE !!

before we continue and get onto the prompt, this post is very much scandalous/nsft (minors close your eyes and scroll away).

ficlet contains: monsterfucking, breeding, masturbation, accidental voyeurism, kas!eddie/steve harrington, and general filth. if that’s not your thing, no problem, i’d just suggest skipping this one :)

now, i'm imagining eddie's in kind of a clusterfuck, here. he's trapped in the UD. and he's scared out of his mind, hungry, exhausted, drained of all hope, losing it, etc. steve's UD house was the closest place he could find to take shelter after waking up from the whole demobat attack (and let's face it, subconsciously or not, eddie takes comfort in the fact that the house obviously reminds him of steve).

and the first few times he hears steve jerking off, eddie thinks he's genuinely imaging it. because, like, there's just no way steve 'the hair' harrington--former king steve of hawkins high--is making noises that breathy, sinful, and sweet. there's just no way ! what with the high pitched whines, bratty little moans, and out of character babbling about wanting his pussy fucked hard--there's just NO FUCKING WAY.

however, it does do something to eddie's dick (which has grown considerably, btw, since he started transforming into...well...he's not entirely sure what he is anymore, but he's definitely something other than human...he knows that).

his cock aches and throbs obscenely as he tries to drown out steve's cries of pleasure from above.

but he can't help it. eddie really, really can't. he's got it bad. he feels absolutely sick with want. and he's simply overtaken by the glorious sounds of this beautiful boy. newly sensitive ears burning from listening to steve's wet, sloppy, cock fucking into his veiny hand or against the sheets (which eddie can tell he's doing because he can smell the waft of linen and hear the painful drag of skin on fabric).

and the thing is, the more it happens, the more possessive eddie's hind brain gets about steve harrington.

the more he finds himself taking out his own enormous, barbed dick and milking himself over steve's UD bed. closing his eyes as he does so, he imagines mounting the boy, shoving his face into the pillows, taking him from behind and stuffing him full with load after load of cum.

eddie wants steve to carry his babies--even though it's not technically biologically possible (to his knowledge, shhh). he wants to watch his belly bulge and stretch; on the verge of bursting from how huge eddie's cock is inside him. he wants to use steve as his own personal cock warmer, employ the barbs, and lock himself into place. he wants to brush up against steve's untouched prostate relentlessly, draw moan after moan out of him, make steve scream out those sweet sounds just for him. draining ever last ounce of his cum into this perfect boy as he makes him writhe and undulate from the magnitude of his pleasure. pleasure only eddie munson--this new version of himself, enhanced and engorged with desire--can give him.

then the day comes where eddie's convinced he's going to bite his own arm off if he doesn't get his hands on steve soon. steve, who, can't seem to stop jacking off. constantly moaning and whining and crying out eddie's name as he cums so sweetly. never brining another human into the room. always by himself, always touching his cock so carefully. treating it like something delicate, teasing himself, and taking his time.

and eddie's hind brain is growing irritable. he's frigid, desperate, and heart-broken over the fact that he can't protect and serve his human directly. that he can't be the one to give steve comfort. he's constantly growling, rutting against anything that smells even faintly of steve in the UD version of his house, and builds a proper nest for him (despite knowing they're in two separate worlds, he can dream. just in case).

as eddie puts the finishing touches on the nest and groans in satisfaction, he hears steve performing his daily ritual up above. and as usual, he sounds heavenly. eddie can smell the boy's precum, can practically taste his skin, pictures the angelic slide of his measly human hand on that pretty pink cock (it's what he imagines, he's never seen it). he's certain this will finally send his monster over the edge, make him spontaneously combust if he has to hear steve sucking on his own fingers and crying about eddie one more time; so without thinking his hind brain starts flickering all of the lights in steve's house and he shouts:

"“I CAN HEAR YOU HARRINGTON, GODDAMN IT! YOU'RE GOING TO DRIVE ME INSANE! JESUS CHRIST! YOU HAVE TO STOP!"

steve pauses. there are tears in his eyes, a huge smile on his face, and he’s laughing like it's the funniest thing in the world. and god, that's a beautiful sound, too. the sound of his happy chirping human.

"munson? munson, is that really you? oh my god, oh my god! you're alive?" he smells of salty cheeks and lavender; soft and pleasant.

"yeah, it's me," eddie fights to sound normal--doesn't want to accidentally growl and scare him away, "and i've been listening to your 24-hour cum fest for the past three weeks straight. you got something to say for yourself, pretty boy? or just 'oh eddie, oh eddie, right there! feels so good'?" he mimics in a nasaly interpretation of steve’s voice.

steve's laughter rings out through the darkness of the upside down, blows back the tattered curtains on the warped bedroom window, and travels back to eddie's perked ears in a gorgeous tune. sonorous hymn written just for his bleak, forlorn heart. giving it every reason to keep beating.

"okay, okay. quit it. give a guy a damn break," he says, "grief looks different for everyone and mine just happens to look particularly horny when it comes to you."

eddie feels more human than he has in a long time. despite the changes to his body, despite his uncontrollable urges, despite the fucking breeding nest sitting in the corner--steve makes him whole, steve makes him alive, steve makes him feel safe and that's all that matters.

"so you gonna come pick me up from the upside down or what, big boy?" he gazes up at the roof, as if he can actually meet eyes with steve, because maybe--just maybe--some day soon he will, again.

thanks for reading and supporting ! lmk what you think of this one in the comments and feel free to send in a scandalous steddie thought/prompt for me to respond to, of your own.

my inbox is always open and anon asks are more than welcome if that's more comfortable for you :) xoxo !!

oh and if you'd like to be added or removed from the taglist at any time for any reason, i'm happy to do so ! just send me a dm or toss it in the comments <3

taglist: @estrellami-1, @disastardly, @ilovecupcakesandtea, @the-redthread, @asbealthgn, @bestofbucky, @vampireinthesun, @carlyv, @shrimply-a-menace, @lordrrascal, @jjoesjonas, @malachitedevil, @anxiouseds

[red-riding-wood]

I’m so sorry about what happened to you and so many others. Disgusting misogynistic behavior. You all deserve so much better ):.

Also sending this bc I do believe he has made two new accounts. Drcranessweetestdoe and monsterfromthewoods. I have no proof these are him ,but it just strikes an absurd resemblance to his writing and he seemed to interact with both of them a few weeks ago. The first one hasn’t blogged in weeks either. Just seems strange. Once again though, I could be wrong. Just something for everyone to stay weary about. Stay safe ❤️

Thank you for the well wishes, anon! I really do appreciate you reaching out. <3

From my conversations with @drcranessweetestdoe, she does not behave like Kill (nor does her writing style compare to his), and I am pretty positive he is incapable (or at least very bad) at taking on different personalities since I believe I witnessed his attempt with the second account you mentioned. Aurora is very sweet, and she used to be a fan of Kill's writing and mine. I don't want people to be suspecting her of foul play because I do believe she is genuine. Kill has a pattern of reblogging fics as a way of seeing what victims he can latch onto and I see that as a coincidence with his reblog of Monster's.

As for @monsterfromthewoods... I was hesitant to make a callout, mainly because no one has actual solid proof that he is Kill. But, there is too much evidence for me to ignore, and I wanted to give my honest opinion and observations. Monster, if you are not this person, feel free to reach out and vouch for yourself, and if I am wrong, I am deeply sorry.

Fuck that. As I was typing this message up, I decided to check my DMs and noticed that my friend had said that he gave her the same name that, as of this morning, was revealed to me as his actual name along with his real picture and Facebook profile. That really sealed the deal for me. Here is the rest of my evidence to prove that this is "Kill":

Monster followed my friend around the same time that she blocked Kill.

Monster followed me the same day that I sent Kill a confrontational message, calling him out for his lies and pleading with him one last time for medical treatment and answers.

From the posts on Monster's account, and the one comment I know he made on my friend's post, his personality exactly fits Kill's. This is why I said I do not think he is capable or likely to be able to craft a believable persona.

Monster made a post about suicide, and a pro-Palestine post, the former of which Kill discussed with me a lot and the latter my friend pointed out as suspicious since Kill was also very strongly pro-Palestine. Seeing as Monster doesn't have that many posts yet on his blog, this isn't irrefutable evidence but it is very coincidental.

Lastly, I actually did my best to analyse and compare Kill and Monster's writing, since I had recalled a few things that stuck out to me when I read Kill's writing. Him and Monster share many similarities with their writing habits/consistencies. They are as follows (the examples listed are from 18+ content so please do not view if you are a minor):

Use periods and exclamation marks -- but never commas -- as punctuation to end dialogue tags.

Starter dialogue tag always facing outward. Like: ”So... Tight”

Tend to each use a snapshot style of writing, favouring incomplete sentences with frequent use of periods. Examples: K: "His mind, usually so sharp. Focused and organized like the most expensive machines. A killing machine, that worked in perpetual motion, living off killing, adrenaline used like a drug." M: "Your dear, understanding doctor. Doctor Jonathan Crane, who laughed out loud suddenly a couple moments ago. The dark colour covering his exotic looking eyes as he revealed his real nature to you."

Similarly, they both tend to avoid using possessive pronouns and determiners. Examples: K: "_ Pale, little pussy peaked from between her thighs." M: "The scars covering _ man's pale skin," _ = absence of "her, that, the," etc.

Often use adverbs after verbs in a way that feels out of place.

Capitalise after ellipses, always.

"Y/n" always has a lowercase "n".

Sometimes use three ellipses, often use only two.

Use "pants" but never "trousers".

Yeah, so, I may have spent way too much time on this. And I think most of this is redundant, now, especially after the name revelation, but still, I put work into it and didn't want it to go to complete waste lmao. I also had no idea until I was tagged today that apparently there are programs that do this sort of thing for you. Oops.