#this looks like one of those football play charts. anyway

[skrunksthatwunk]

office harlot mine yoshitaka

[the-firebird69]

New York Jets | Roster

Our son says this even if the numbers are accurate which they're not most of these players are 6'2 and under and they're all under 300 lb so if you go look at the chart there's only like two that are a little over 300 just barely but really there's only two players that are 300 the rest are under 200 and really defensive linebackers used to be about 250 to 280 minimum and they were like 300 lb after that they had to be and a son played and you have to be muscular and strong and heavy are you going to get beat up no matter what because the rules to the game and these guys look all skinny and weak and weird and they're not Jason's and they're some more like a lot of them Tommy f clones . But really they're Greek players and their weak teams and they're kind of insisting they each other's weak and they're making society weak it's really weird it's probably Max plan but regardless of these teams are terrible I remember when the offensive line had five 400 plus pound people and Perry was almost 500 pounds refrigerator Perry and Joe is 360 in this gigantic and these guys don't look big at all one looks kind of big and since it's probably the nose guard and that's what he is he's like 3:20 his short Stout and kind of chubby and they're not really muscular like muscles with some fat. Well commenting because the whole system looks like this they're kind of skinny lanky guys like Garth and they're not him and they're not strong like he is but for a guy of his size is strong and he was a tight end and when he was playing he was about 185 our son saw him he was like 160 but in shape and lifted those blocks up like nothing it was keeping up with her son which most people can't and he went like for hours just to throw these Big blocks in and they had to take breaks but our son was making them do it he's thankful game got him the food I really can't afford it but he did it he said he found out he was related later that makes sense fell asleep you have to wake him up a little and it said you need a couple bananas then you can take a nap seize up on you soon home and had bananas grabbed ate it down and said now you can sleep now you can sleep a little teeny bit of milk or I wouldn't even do the milk it's just maybe water a little bit of water I did that in the cell why he's sleeping and sleeping woke up and it's cramped anyways said wow that's saved my life so you're in shape but you're out of shape have a feel all the time so I appreciate the help that was so hard it's such a hard life to give me these Mac gifted feels oh my God get ready for the ride of your life and then out of nowhere and he got it and hear these guys St Paul and they're teeny they go when he was playing he was 225 and he didn't look that big he was a little taller like 6'3 and he was real fast because he's taller and these guys are all like five seven or five six and they're not in great shape but they're in shape but really they're not very big it's like well Tommy f is not a big guy and apparently they don't grow that much but really it's there in the womb they don't they should know how to do it and yeah Tommy f is a warlock but all the players are like that practically is one guy we see he's kind of built but he looks like the old fashioned tight end or close end. It's true too there's hardly any actual black people so that's the anomaly and our son says Hi I don't really think so cuz I think that there are other players in there pretending to them it's just a whole bunch of clones in this game they looked at other games it's similar and is right New York and Minnesota have a lot of clothes in them listen to indicator they're taking over a certain games and football is one because it is them saying in New York that we have the ball in Minnesota because it's our area no it's because of ships and people are starting to get that. But boy you guys are all small and weak not in shape get injured easily and you're really not paying attention either

So we'd like to tell you why we're playing the South yes your teams are teeny your people are weak and you don't have much for defenses the foreigners want to take the country over eventually they will and we have to be ready for it.

Thor Freya

[study-coffee-chicago]

Who Would've Thought? A Government Teacher and an English Teacher (A Halstead Brothers + Upstead + Halstead Daughter! Imagine; Part of AU-gust)

A/N: Thank you for reading! Remember to like/reblog and comment! I'm also donating all the proceeds that from my buy me a coffee account to Save The Children to help the children of Afghanistan. Link to buy me a coffee.

Anyway, enjoy!

"Hey, I know you aren't a morning person," your dad said as he walked up to you sitting at the bar in the kitchen with a piece of paper in his hand.

"You're right, I'm not," you said.

"All I need is for you to look over the seating chart I made for the juniors."

"Make sure you didn't put people who have beef next to each other?" you asked.

"Exactly. And I figured, since it's your class, you'd be the perfect person to do it."

"And because I'm your daughter."

"That, too."

He set the paper in front of you. "Since I'm doing this for you, care to make me my coffee?" you asked

"The pumpkin spice one?" You nodded. "Kid, it's the first week of September. It's like 75 out (23.9 celsius). Fall's not even close. And, technically, it's still summer."

"Listen, Dunkin' came out with their pumpkin spice stuff in mid-August. And, you know the minute it hits September, I get in the fall mood."

"But you still won't go to a Bears game with me and your Uncle Will," he said.

"Dad, I don't understand football."

He pulled the K-Cup out and put it in the Keurig. "I told you that me and Uncle Will could teach you. And, you seem to understand it when you're at school football games."

"I just cheer when everyone else does. It's not that hard."

"Fair enough."

He pointed to the counter of the bar, so you looked down at the seating chart. You waved him back over to you as you heard the sputtering of the Keurig, telling you that all your coffee was almost in your tumbler.

You pointed to two seats. "These two girls have had beef since middle school, so throw them across the room from each other." Your dad grabbed a pen from his breast pocket and drew a line to put one of the girls on the opposite side of the room. "These two are dating, so unless you want them talking all the time, I suggest you at least move the guy to a different group." He drew another line on the seating chart. "And this guy dated these two girls, so you need to make sure that they're as far away from each other as possible."

"Which one is he dating now?" your dad asked as he drew more lines.

"Neither. He was dating both of them at the same time. Get why none of them can be by each other now?"

"Gotcha."

He took the seating chart from you and handed you your tumbler of coffee. "I don't drink it black," you said as you raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, believe me, I know, but I'll leave you to do that because I don't want to mess up your coffee to creamer ratio and have you get mad at me for it."

"Fair enough."

You sighed as you poured your creamer into your coffee because you thought about all the homework that was going to be piled on to your plate this year.

"What's wrong?" your dad asked.

"I'm gonna be drowning at the end of today."

"Can't argue with you there. But tell me if you think your homework load for APUSH (AP US History) and AP Gov (AP Government) is getting too much for one class. I'll talk to the teachers. And, you have me to help you with your government homework." He said the last part with a huge smile on his face.

"Dad," you groaned. "You've been waiting for me to be a junior forever now just so you could be my teacher."

"Yup, and you chose AP over me. How rude."

"Sorry, but college is expensive. It was only like 50 bucks a class when you went to college back in the olden days."

"Young lady, I am not old."

"Fine, you're vintage. Better?" He just glared at you while you finished stirring your coffee and then started making your breakfast. "But, at least Hail- Miss Upton doesn't give us a ton of homework because she knows we're drowning in homework already and have the SATs to worry about, so that's nice."

You were super thankful for your Honors English 11 teacher, who also taught AP Stats. She gave you at least half an hour each class period to do your homework since she knew that most of you had sports or after-school clubs or a part job to get to and didn't have all night to do homework. She was the one who also said to send her an email if you couldn't get the assignment done and she'd give you an extension. She said that your physical health and mental health were way more important than you finishing your homework.

Your dad was like that, too. Granted, he didn't give the students in his class a ton of homework to begin with, and he made the class fun...at least, that's what you heard from the kids who were juniors last year. The only time your dad really gave homework was when he gave out study guides to fill out. He'd give them out a week before the test and then after two days, he'd check that everyone got them done and go over them in class so that everyone had the right answers to study from. Mr. Jay Halstead also didn't give tests on a Monday because that was just cruel...and he knew that when he was in high school, he absolutely hated homework, so he didn't give a lot of it. And, he hated coming to school on a Monday when he forgot to study over the weekend, so he didn't give tests on Mondays.

"You're not going running this morning?" you asked as you cut up a banana to go into your oatmeal.

"No, I think I'll run with you guys after school today at practice."

Your dad was also the high school cross country coach. You weren't a fast runner by any means, but your best friend, Emma, had made it to regionals and was a great runner. And, your dad said that you either play a sport in high school or you get a job, so you joined the cross country team. In all honesty, you liked running for the endorphin rush it gave you after the run and just talking to some of your teammates while running or listening to music or podcasts while running. But, you weren't competitive, so that's probably why you weren't as fast as Emma, and your dad knew this. But, he was just glad you were being active in some way after school and that you enjoyed exercising even if you weren't the best or the fastest runner. He just wanted you to live a long and healthy life, and he knew starting to exercise in high school would help you build those healthy habits.

But, usually what your dad did in the morning was go to school at like six in the morning, so he'd be up at five, and then he'd utilize the weight room or the indoor track to workout. Then, he'd take a quick shower and get ready there, and be teaching by 7:30. Yeah, he was crazy for running that early.

"You know," you started, "Miss Upton likes to run. Maybe you should see if she'll co-coach with you? Or maybe she'll run with you in the morning?"

Jay shook his head and took a sip of his coffee. "Y/N, how many times do I have to tell you that Hailey and I are just friends. Nothing more."

"Says the man who lesson planned with her last week," you said, wiggling your eyebrows.

"Y/N, she's a coworker. I would've done that with anyone. It was just coffee. You read too much into things."

"Dad," you sighed. "You haven't dated in years."

"Yeah, since Abby dropped you off on my doorstep." He used to refer to Abby as your mom, but she wasn't around, so when you were around 14 years old, you just started referring to her as Abby. After all, you had never even met the woman, and she didn't want you, not even leaving an address on the note attached to your pajamas, so she didn't deserve the title of Mom.

"So, 17 years. You haven't dated in 17 years, Dad. You gotta get back out there. Even Uncle Will said you need to."

"You talked to your uncle about this?" he asked. "Oh, and put some egg whites in that oatmeal for some extra protein."

"What? You gonna make us lift weights today at cross country practice?"

He shrugged. "You never know. Now, no more talking to Uncle Will about my love life."

"There's not even anything to talk about. But, he does think you and Miss Upton would look cute together."

You added some egg whites to your oatmeal and put it back in the microwave for an extra minute.

"This has been going on for way too long now, Y/N. We're not gonna date. We're just friends and coworkers. Just drop it."

You put your hands up in mock surrender.

Ever since freshman year when you had Miss Upton for creative writing (yes, she taught one section of AP stats, one section of creative writing, and she also taught Honors English 11 and regular English 11 for the rest of her sections), you knew that her and your dad would be a great match. So, you confided in Emma and she agreed. Ever since then, you hadn't really let the topic go.

"Fine," you groaned...even though you and your dad both knew that the topic would not be dropped in the slightest.

"Now, do you want me to drive you, or do you want to drive yourself?"

Usually, since he left before you, you'd just drive yourself to school since you were 17 and had been driving for a year now. But, during the first week of school, your dad didn't do his morning workouts, so he always gave you the option if you wanted to ride to school with him.

You pursed your lips. "Fine. I'll ride with you, just cause it'll save me gas."

Jay laughed. "You're not even the one who pays for your gas."

He was right. He was the one who paid for your gas because you had always studied hard...and you played a sport, so you didn't have time for a part-time job. Because of this, Jay decided he'd pay for your gas. But, you did have to work a part-time job in the summer.

"Fine. It prolongs the time before I have to go to the gas station. How's that?" you asked.

"Miss Upton would be proud of how you worded that."

"Maybe you should tell her that, Dad. It'd be a great conversation starter."

***

"So," Emma began as you were warming up for your run after the school day ended, "how'd the chat with your dad go?"

You sighed while jogging. "I don't think it's ever gonna happen. He's too damn stubborn to ask her out and he claims that they're just friends and coworkers. I hate it. They'd be so damn cute together."

"I know," Emma agreed. "You know, I overheard her in the hallway between classes saying that she was going to chaperone the homecoming dance. Maybe your dad could get in on that and that's how they could talk more?" she suggested.

"Emma, that's a great idea, but I really don't want my dad at homecoming. That is awkward as hell."

Emma laughed. "Sorry, didn't think about that."

"Hustle up!" your dad yelled. "Time to stretch!"

You started your normal stretching routine before your dad started to give his normal beginning of the school year speech. "Alright, I need all of you to listen up. I don't want anybody talking over me, you hear me?" You all nodded. "Okay, good. So, I know that some of you have heard horror stories about the old cross country coach who said that if you miss a practice, then you miss a meet...unless it was for being sick." Most of you nodded.

Before your dad started coaching and the other cross country coach retired, a lot of the students hated the previous coach's coaching style. His coaching style was run more to get better at running...which sounded good in theory. But, this didn't actually work. You see, what would end up happening was that he'd make the runs longer and longer. He'd even make the athletes do a long run on Saturday and then a short run (which to him was three miles) on Sunday. If an athlete didn't send him the screenshots from apps like map my run, then they wouldn't be able to race in the next meet. This obviously was a recipe for overtraining and injuries. You heard that one girl even hurt her IT band from running so much! So, it was no surprise that most people hated the coach and so many parents complained, so he stepped down, and then your dad came in to coach.

"That's not how I coach," your dad continued. "School and your grades are really important. So is sleep. I don't want you guys not getting sleep or not getting to spend time with friends or not have other social interactions because you have to practice for two hours and then go home and do homework and get to bed late. I don't want you guys to be sleep-deprived zombies." Most of you laughed at that. "With that being said, if you're overwhelmed and feel like there's not enough time in a day, just come talk to me and we'll figure it out. Whether that's only coming to practice for an hour or taking a few days off to study for an upcoming test or taking time off for a family emergency, we'll figure out what to do." Everyone nodded. "Alright everybody, let's go run the big loop. Keep track of your split times."

***

You were walking inside with Emma to go grab your stuff from your locker after you had finished practice. Perks of having your dad be a teacher? You and your friend could leave your stuff inside instead of bringing it outside with you.

"Just meet me in my room when you're done, Y/N," your dad told you. "Have a good night, Emma."

"You too, Mr. Halstead," she replied.

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Jay when it's not school or practice hours?" Jay smiled and then walked down the hall to his classroom to retrieve the stuff he had brought with him for the day...with his shirt sticky from sweat since he had run with you guys today.

He walked out of his classroom with his backpack and gym bag, to come face to face with Miss Hailey Upton walking out of her classroom as well.

"Run with the team today, Jay?" she asked.

"Yeah, you know, first week of school, kind of hard to get my early morning runs in when there's so much to do on the classroom side," he answered.

"Understandable. I've been doing mine after I lesson plan and before dinner. Hopefully, I'll be back to nightly runs soon before it starts getting dark earlier and earlier."

"But, when it gets too dark, then you'll be running in the mornings soon...and then it'll be cold," Jay pointed out.

"There's this thing called a treadmill, Jay. I utilize that in the winter."

"That shows that you're an English teacher: you use big words."

Hailey rolled her eyes. "I see you reading books during your lunch period. I know you know big words, you just prefer not to use them."

"Yeah, because I want the kids to think I'm a cool teacher...not a snob."

"I am not a snob!" Hailey jokingly argued.

"I'm kidding, Hailey! I'm kidding! And, I know you lesson plan and grade on your lunch break, too instead of going to the teacher's lounge."

"Spying on me now, huh?"

"Our rooms are right across from each other and we have the same lunch period, what else am I supposed to do?" he laughed.

Hailey sighed dramatically. "Oh, I guess. Tell you what: come to my room during our lunch period and I can give you some good book recommendations."

"I get enough book recommendations from my daughter, thank you very much. But, I guess I can always use more."

"So, see you during tomorrow's lunch period?"

"See you then. Have a good night, Hailey."

"You, too. Tell Y/N I say hi and not to work too hard on all her homework."

Then, they walked down the hallway and Jay walked back towards where you were still chatting with Emma. All the while, he was thanking God that you weren't there during that conversation between him and Hailey because he wouldn't hear the end of it. But, he was also wondering what the hell he'd just gotten into.

***

"You will not believe what I just saw!" Emma whispered to you the next day in your AP gov class.

"What?" you whispered back.

She had forgotten her laptop in her locker and had to go get it. Which, the route to her locker from the classroom you were currently in went right past your dad and Hailey's classrooms.

"Your dad and Miss Upton are in her classroom eating lunch together."

Your eyes practically bulged out of your head. "No way!"

You received a glare from the teacher and were quiet. But, you'd be sure to ask your dad about this when you went home tonight.

***

"Uncle Will's coming over for dinner in an hour," your dad told you when you got inside your house after practice. You had decided to drive yourself to school today instead of riding with him. "How much homework do you have?"

"Uh..." you blanched and set down your backpack and unzipped it. Then, you grabbed your planner and flipped it open, laying it out on the kitchen table. "I have an AP stats worksheet that's due tomorrow, I have to read half a chapter in my AP bio textbook by Monday, I have to read a full chapter of my AP gov textbook by Tuesday, and I have an APUSH assignment due tomorrow. Oh, and I should probably read a chapter of the book I chose to read for my English class plus I have to annotate a few paragraphs of crappy 16th-century literature by tomorrow, too."

"Christ," your dad said. "So, what do you have to do tonight?"

"AP stats worksheet, APUSH assignment, and I have to annotate for English. I could always not read the chapter in the book I chose to read if I don't want to."

"Do you want me to just tell Uncle Will to come over this weekend?" he asked.

Jay know knew you absolutely loved his brother and that you were always excited to tell him about your day and how school was going. It had always been this way because, when Jay found you on his doorstep, he was 22, and had just started undergrad and was working on his teaching degree. Because of this, when Will wasn't studying in his last two years of med school and later working in a hospital as a new resident, he was your go-to babysitter. And you absolutely loved when he came over...despite not being able to remember much because you were so young. Apparently, you had been particularly fascinated by Will's red hair and would pull on it every chance you got. But, he'd let you play with it until it really started to hurt him because you were his favorite (and only) niece and he knew he'd do anything for you. This came in handy as you got older because you realized you had him wrapped around your finger and would always ask him for homework help. Or, if your dad wouldn't give you spending money, you'd go straight to your Uncle Will, and usually, he'd give you some.

"No," you answered. "A doctor needs to know stats, right?"

"I think so," your dad answered. "Why? Are you struggling already? Do you need to go into the regular stats class instead of the advanced one?"

You laughed at your dad's concern. "No, I'm fine. Just figured he'd be able to check it for me to make sure I did everything right."

"Oh, good. And, I'm pretty sure he can do that. Now, go take a shower so you can get started on your homework before he gets here and so I can start on dinner."

***

"Guess what?" you asked as all three of you twirled your spaghetti onto your forks at the dinner table an hour later.

"Chicken butt," Will said.

Jay rolled his eyes. "I swear, I wonder if Mom and Dad were lying when they said that you were older. Maybe I'm the older one and they just lied to us because you sure do act like the younger brother."

"Relax, Jay. Just because I'm more fun than you and Y/N likes me better, does not mean that I'm immature."

"Anyway," you said, wanting to tell Will what you had found out earlier today, "do you want to know what I have to say or not?"

"Go ahead," Will said.

"Okay, so today during AP gov, Emma had to back to her locker to grab her laptop. And she went right by Dad and Miss Upton's classrooms." You paused as you looked over at your dad and saw his eyes slightly widen and then go back to normal. "And they were eating lunch together in her classroom!"

"Awe," Will cooed. "My little brother's back on the market. Good for you, man." Then, he turned to you. "Upton's the short, blonde English teacher you've been trying to set him up with for years now, right?"

"He's not supposed to know about the set-up part!" you hissed.

"Oh, sorry. Jay, forget I said that."

"Y/N, I already you've been trying to set us up," your dad laughed. "It's been kind of obvious."

"Now that that's settled," Will started, "how'd it go? What did you two talk about? And are you having lunch together tomorrow?"

"You two are terrible, you know that?"

"Oh, we know," Will said. "But, you can't ground me, so I can be as terrible as I want."

Jay laughed. "She won't get grounded for that, Will. She might get grounded if she keeps procrastinating her stats homework, though."

"Need help, kiddo?" Will asked. "I have to read stats for things like new drugs and stuff, so I'm good at that. Don't know if I can help you with actually solving the problem because it's been ages since I've done that, but I can try."

"No, thanks, though. I just took a long shower so I have to get it done after dinner. I understand it all, though."

"Good, you can always come to me if you need help with it, though," Will offered. "Or, since it's Miss Upton--" He looked directly at Jay when he said Miss Upton and then turned his attention back to you. "--who's your stats teacher, you can always ask her. But, be sure to drag your dad along with you."

"Will!"

***

Two weeks later

"Might want to tell them to drink a ton of water after this, Jay, because it's so hot," Hailey Upton said as she walked up to Jay Halstead--and Coach Halstead for the next few hours--at an away cross country meet on a Wednesday afternoon in mid-September. "Or better yet, get them some Gatorade."

"Hailey?" Jay asked as he turned around, getting his stopwatch ready. "What are you doing here? And, I'd get them Gatorade if I could. I kinda forgot to pick it up last night."

"I'm here because some kids asked me to come to their meet. And, I always try to come to those things if kids ask me."

Jay cocked an eyebrow. "Would two of those kids be my daughter and her best friend?"

"Among others."

He looked down at the rolling cooler she had brought. "What's with the cooler?"

"Well, you may not have had time to pick up Gatorade, but I did. So, there's one in there for each kid plus the coach...and me of course."

"How'd you know Gatorade would help?" Jay asked. "Other than logic of course."

Hailey laughed. "I've run a few marathons in my life, Jay. I know all about proper hydration and how important it is to refuel after a hot run."

At this, Jay raised his eyebrows. He knew that she ran, but she didn't know that she ran marathons. "Oh, wow. Which ones?"

"You know, the Chicago marathon obviously. Always wanted to do like Boston or someplace, but you have to qualify for those, you can't just go and sign up like here in Chicago. Oh, and I've always wanted to do a Disney marathon. I think it'd be cool, you know? Run through Disney World, maybe hop on some rides during the race."

Jay smiled. "That actually does sound really fun."

The announcer said that it was ten minutes until it was time to race.

"I gotta get to the first mile marker," Jay said.

"Okay, where's our tent? I'll go put this cooler under it."

Jay told Hailey where the tent was and was about to leave when she stopped him.

"Where do I get the maps? I can go to the second mile marker to help out with times in case you can't get there fast enough," she suggested.

"That'd, uh, that'd actually be great, Hailey. Thank you. And, you just get the maps from the table right over there," Jay answered and pointed to a table about 200 meters away.

"Awesome, thanks. See you after the race, Coach," Hailey joked.

Jay nodded and started to jog off toward the first mile marker. But, all the while he wondered what the hell this woman was doing to him. Because he felt his cheeks heating up in a blush as he jogged off.

And, as for Hailey, well she was watching as Jay jogged away and loved the way he ran with perfect form and how his biceps flexed just enough that she could see the muscles slightly bulge.

She laughed to herself. If they ever went running together, she'd have to tell him to loosen up because you weren't supposed to run with your arms as taut as his were; he was wasting energy.

But, for now, she just made her way over to the tent and left the cooler and then went to get a map and start off toward the second mile marker to help out a fellow teacher...well, maybe he was starting to be more than just a fellow teacher. Neither of them really knew at this point. But, Hailey liked the thrill of it all. She felt like she was in high school again...a high school student, not a high school teacher.

***

You panted and winced as you crossed the finish line. Shit, your shin splints were really acting up this time, and God, it was so hot out and you felt nauseous and even had to walk during some points of the race. We'll see what your dad had to say about that.

Wait, was that Miss Upton coming up to you?

It is! She actually came!

"Y/N, are you okay? I saw you walking," she said worriedly while your dad jogged over since you were the last one on your team to finish.

"You good, kid?" your dad asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. My shin splints just hurt really bad and I think the heat's making me feel sick."

"Okay, well, I have to go watch the boys and make sure they're ready. Hailey, can you, uh, help Y/N? The medical tent's across from here. Maybe make sure she gets under our team tent without puking and get her something to drink?"

"I can do that, Jay, don't worry."

Emma walked up to you. "Good job!" she exclaimed.

"Girl, I didn't even run as fast as you! You flew through there. But, it's hot as hell!" you said.

"It is really hot. You gonna watch the guys' race?"

"No, Dad told me to sit under our tent in the shade. Gotta get some ice for my shins first, though."

"Shin splints acting up?"

"Yeah."

Then, you, Miss Upton, and Emma walked over to the medical tent where you got bags of ice wrapped around your shins.

***

"I'll run to Mcdonald's and get you ice, too," your dad said before you got in your separate cars back at school after the meet. "What do you want?"

"Uh, a ten-piece nugget--don't forget the honey mustard--a medium fry, and a medium lemonade," you said as your dad typed it into the notes app of his phone. "Thanks."

"I'll see you at home. Drive careful."

"See you in like half an hour."

Then you drove home and decided to start on some homework while still in your sweaty cross country uniform.

When your dad got home, you gobbled down your food because damn, you were hungry after that mentally taxing race. Then, you and your dad filled the bathtub up with ice and cold water.

Time for hell...aka an ice bath. At this point, you'd do anything to prevent your shin splints from getting bad. At least the old coach wasn't coaching because, from all the horror stories you heard, it'd be worse for your shins if he was coaching and not your dad.

After you changed into a pair of spandex shorts and a long-sleeved running shirt and a hoodie, you lowered yourself into the freezing and icy water. You set your phone timer for eight minutes and braved the cold for that long.

Then, after that, you drained the bathtub and took a very hot shower. But, as you were in there, you started feeling nauseous again. You crouched down and actually ended up throwing up a bit in the shower. It was nothing major, you just figured it was from eating too fast. But, you were still really tired.

And this is what you told your dad when you got out of the shower.

"But, I still have homework," you said defeatedly. "I kinda wanna just go to sleep now. It's already 7:00 and I have at least two to four hours of homework to do."

Jay sighed. He never wanted to play this game, but he wasn't going to let you run on not enough sleep tomorrow when you weren't even feeling your best.

"What classes?" he asked.

"Uh, I have to get APUSH done which will take me like at least two hours, and then I have English and stats homework," you answered.

Jay sighed. "I'll give Hailey a call and explain the situation and see if she'll give you an extension on the English and stats homework."

Your eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yes, now go grab some water and get started on your APUSH homework. And.. it will only be a one day extension."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're the best Dad ever!"

Then, you grabbed your water and went back upstairs to your room.

But, all you could think about was that your dad and Miss Upton were talking over the phone outside of school. Maybe they were becoming more than just co-workers.

Jay dialed Hailey's phone number and grabbed a beer from the fridge.

"Jay?" she asked when she answered.

"Hi, Hailey. Yeah, it's Jay. Listen I have a huge favor to ask you," he said.

"What is it?"

"So Y/N puked a bit in the shower, probably because of the amount of sodium in those damn chicken nuggets she wanted, and then she took an ice bath and then a hot shower, so the quick and significant temperature change probably played a role. Anyway, how it happened isn't the point. It's just that she's really tired and she has AP US history homework that she has to finish. So, would it be okay if you gave her a one day extension on her English homework and her stats homework? If not, I completely understand because you can't just make exceptions because she's a teacher's kid and--"

"Jay, relax," Hailey laughed. "Yes, I'll give her the extensions. What is it that you always tell your team? Their physical and mental health comes first?"

Jay chuckled and then took a sip of his beer. "Yeah, that's about right. And, thank you. Y/N will greatly appreciate that."

"No problem. But, I also have a favor to ask you."

Jay cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrows. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

"So, we're short on chaperones for the homecoming dance and I was wondering if maybe you could chaperone? And, I figured that since you have a kid and would probably want to be there for her pictures before the dance, you don't have to help us set up. Maybe just chaperone and then help us tear down? If not just chap--"

"Hailey, of course, I'll help out. Now, Y/N, she might not be happy that I'll be chaperoning her school dance, but I'll be there. Count me in."

***

2 weeks later, 3 days before homecoming dance

"Okay, I know I'm just your English teacher," Miss Upton started at the beginning of class that day, "but I still care about your guys' safety. So, please, please, please do not drive drunk or buzzed. Call your parents to pick you up. I can absolutely promise you that they'd be happier that you called them to pick you up than you trying to drive home and getting into a car accident."

"What if my parents will be mad at me for drinking anyway?" one kid asked.

"So, if that's the case, you can always call me and I will come pick you up from wherever you're at. I can lose a few hours of sleep to make sure that you guys are home safe." She started writing numbers on the whiteboard. "Right here is my cell phone number, if you think you'll need it, write it down or make it a contact in your phone. Again, I'd rather not come to school on Monday and learn that one of you is in the hospital because of something that could have been prevented."

You pulled out your phone, you didn't think that you'd need Miss Upton's number, but you figured you'd put it in just in case since two girls from your AP gov class asked you to be the DD for a party. You were kind of friends with them, like you studied for tests together, but that was it. But, you had debated it because it was a party after homecoming and you had never been to a party before...let alone one after a dance.

"Oh, Miss Upton," you said as you put your phone face down on your desk.

"Yes, Y/N?" she asked.

"What color dress are you wearing when you're chaperoning the dance?"

"I haven't really thought it much." She furrowed her eyebrows as she wondered why you were asking this question. "But, probably red. Why?"

"Just wondering."

And now, you just needed to make sure that your dad had a red tie and that he actually wore it when he was chaperoning the dance.

***

3 days later, homecoming

"What about this?" your dad asked as he walked out of his room in dress pants, a white shirt, a navy blue tie, and a sport coat.

You were already in your dress and had gotten your hair and nails done earlier in the day, so now you were just waiting to take some pictures with Emma and then actually go to the dance.

"Hmm, I don't know. The shirt and tie are kind of what you wear to work everyday, so I think you need something different. Maybe a brighter tie or something," you said and then walked into his room and opened his closet.

You sifted through the closet until you found what you were looking for: a black shirt and a red tie.

"I think you should wear these," you said and laid the two pieces of clothing on his bed.

"What? Why? You know I never wear red. That tie has been hung up in my closet since you were probably ten," he argued.

"That's the point, Dad! You need to get out of your comfort zone and wear something besides what you wear to school...or in your case, work. It's a dance, so you have to wear something fancy."

Jay groaned. He knew he wasn't going to be able to win this argument.

"Fine. I'll change."

"Good."

Then, you walked out of his room.

Your plan had worked.

***

"Mr. Halstead," Hailey said as she saw Jay walk onto the dance floor a few hours later when all the lights were off and the cleared-out cafeteria became full of students dancing.

"Miss Upton," he greeted. She laughed. "What?"

"It's nothing," Hailey said quickly. "It's just that, well your tie..." she trailed off while his eyes raked down her body in the slightly tight (but not too tight because they were at a school function) spaghetti strap bright red dress that she was wearing. "Let's just say I now know why Y/N asked me what color dress I was wearing."

Jay groaned and shook his head. "My daughter. Always...you know, I don't know what her game is at this point, but I should've suspected something when she told me to go change."

But damn, Jay thought, she does look good in red.

God, Hailey thought, I wish he'd wear those kind of black shirts to work more often.

***

It was now after the dance and you and your dad had arrived back at home at around the same time.

"You're a little devil, you know that?" he asked when you were both inside.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I plead the fifth," you replied.

"Very funny. You can't do that."

"Yes, I can. You should know this, Dad, you teach government."

"You can plead the fifth in court, but you cannot do it with your dad. So, I know that you asked Hailey what color dress she was wearing just so my tie could match it."

"Oooh, so we're calling her Hailey and not Miss Upton now. I'd say that's a step up. What did you two talk about at the dance? Because I know for a fact that you didn't ask her to slow dance."

"And you didn't slow dance with anyone either, so we're even, kid," Jay retorted.

You rolled your eyes. "I'm gonna go take a shower. Get this hair out."

"Okay." Your dad yawned. "I'm gonna get to bed. Now I know why you sleep until noon the day after dances: they're exhausting."

"Tell me about it. Goodnight. Send Miss Upton-- well, Hailey now-- a text to make sure she got home safe!"

You didn't even wait for your dad's witty reply before you bounded up the stairs and into your bathroom.

But, you didn't actually end up taking a shower. You ran the shower while you washed off your makeup and re-did it into something more party-appropriate and then took down your hair and put it up into a ponytail.

After half an hour, you turned off the shower and wrapped your still dry body in a towel after you had stripped off your dress. You peeked out of the bathroom to see that your dad's bedroom door was closed, which meant that he was asleep.

Then, you tiptoed into your room and changed your clothes.

You pulled out your phone to tell the girls to park a few houses down so your dad didn't hear the car pull in the driveway or see the headlights.

Your plan of going to your very first high school party was a go.

***

It had been two hours since you had snuck out and it was nearing two in the morning. And, you weren't feeling too hot. You had decided not to drink because you were the DD out of you and the two girls from class. And, you had kept the car keys away from them so that they couldn't do anything stupid...and so you could keep them safe. You hadn't drank anything, but you had eaten the fruit off of the top of the spiked punch bowl and, for whatever reason, you were starting to feel lighter and happier.

Shit.

Your dad had warned that fruit soaks up alcohol. How could you have been so stupid to forget that? He was going to kill you! There's no way you could call him to pick you up, absolutely no way!

Somehow, you found your friends, they were by the makeshift bar, no shock there because you knew the only reason they were there was to get drunk. Note to self: if people you only know because of one class ask you to come to a party for the sole purpose of being the DD, do not go.

Luckily for you, one of the girls' boyfriends played on the football team and wasn't going to risk his season just for one party. So, you told him that you needed to leave and that you were the DD and asked if he could get the two girls home safely. He agreed and you passed off the car keys to him.

Then you walked outside, the chilly mid-October night air helping to slow the nervousness coursing through your veins about facing your dad.

You pulled out your phone and hit the contact you had made in class a few days ago.

"Hello? This is Hailey," you heard Hailey's voice on the other end of the phone.

"Miss Upton, it's Y/N Halstead," you said.

"Y/N? Are you okay?" You heard shuffling on the end of the line and assumed that Miss Upton was standing up from somewhere.

"I mean, I'm kinda woozy I guess. But, I snuck out and my dad doesn't know where I am." You hung your head. You couldn't believe you had been so stupid.

"And you had a drink so you can't drive home?" she finished.

"Yeah." She didn't need to know the details. All she needed to know was that you needed help getting home.

"Okay, send me your location and I'll be there soon, okay? Is it safe for you? Do you need me to stay on the phone or call the cops?"

"No, no, I'm perfectly fine. Just need someone to drive me home."

"Okay good. Send me that location and I'll be there soon."

Then, she told you the model of her car and the color so you could spot her easily. Once you were off the phone, you sent her your location and she replied with a thumbs up, telling you that she got it.

Your phone rang. You thought it was Miss Upton, but then you looked down and saw it was your dad.

Double shit.

***

"Please don't tell my dad," you said when you pulled up to your driveway half an hour later.

"Y/N, I have--"

But, she was saved from telling you that she needed to tell your dad when the front door flung open.

Your dad must've seen the headlights.

"Go," Miss Upton said. "You're only prolonging the inevitable if you stay in here."

You sighed. "Will you walk me up?"

"Sure."

So, both you and Miss Upton exited the car.

The minute your dad saw you, he ran down the steps to you.

"Young lady!" he yelled. "Where were you? Do you know how worried I was? You could've gotten seriously hurt!" He paused. "Get over here!"

You knew to listen to him when he pulled out the dad voice.

He put two fingers underneath your chin and tipped your head up. "Breathe. Now."

It was faint, but it was there, your dad smelt stale vodka on your breath...mixed with a citrusy scent and teeth that hadn't been brushed since the previous morning.

He sighed and clenched his teeth. Then, he put his hands down and he finally spotted Hailey. "Hailey, what are you doing here?" he asked, unclenching his jaw.

"I always tell my students that they can call me if they need to get picked up from parties and can't drive. So far, Y/N's the only one who has utilized that."

"Well, thank you. I'm sorry she had to make you come out at this time of night." He turned back to you. "As for you, go inside. Not only did you drink, but you went to a party, too. We'll talk in a few minutes."

You hung your head and made your way inside and sat down on the couch in the living room.

Jay walked up to Hailey. "I'm really sorry about her. But, thank you for getting her home safe. How far did you have to drive? I can give you gas money for all of this on Monday."

"Jay, it's fine. I make this offer for homecoming and prom every year. You don't have to pay me. I just wanna make sure all the kids get home safe, that's all."

"At least let me buy you coffee or something. You brought my little girl home safe when I didn't even know where she was. I think that warrants some type of reward."

"If you want to repay me that bad," Hailey began, "I'm lesson planning and grading at Starbucks tomorrow. I guess you can buy me a coffee."

"Done. Text me the time and I'll be there."

"Will do."

"Now, excuse me, but I have to go deal with my daughter."

"Goodnight, Jay."

"Night, Hailey."

Then, she drove off and back to her house while Jay walked up his front steps and wondered what he was going to say to you.

"Look at me," your dad demanded when he made his way into the living room.

You looked up. "I'm so--"

"No," your dad said quickly, cutting you off. "You don't talk. You only listen. Do you understand me?" You nodded. "Good. Do you know how worried sick I was when I couldn't find you inside? I was beside myself, Y/N. I didn't know where you were, I didn't know if you were hurt. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you. What you did was stupid and reckless and please do not ever, ever do that again. Never do that again. Do you hear me?"

"Yes," you answered.

"Good."

You took a deep breath before you asked your next question. "Am I in trouble?"

Your dad sighed and sat down next to you. "As much as I want to ground you, no you are not in trouble. I'm just so relieved that you're home safe. And, you made the right decision by not driving and calling someone to pick you up...even if it wasn't me."

"Do you want an explanation as to why I went?" you asked.

"No, God no. I may look calm on the outside, but on the inside, I'm still pissed."

"Can I ask how you knew I snuck out?"

"You forgot to leave your fan on and I knew it was way too quiet in your room."

The doorbell rang.

"Shoot, I forgot to tell your uncle that you're home safe. But, you better go up to bed before me and him talk and think of a punishment for you."

"So you're still mad?" you asked.

"A little mad, but mostly I'm just relieved and disappointed. I thought you knew better." You hung your head. "Now, go to bed."

"Okay." You stood up. "Goodnight, I love you." You gave him a hug.

He gave you a kiss on the forehead. "I love you, too, kid. Now, get to bed."

You went upstairs, but instead of going all the way to your room, you sat down on the landing, intent on listening to your dad's and your uncle's conversation about you.

"Hey, she's home. It's all good," Jay said as he answered the door and then motioned for his brother to come inside.

"Oh, thank God. Where was she?" Will asked as they made their way to the living room and sat down on different couches, facing each other.

"Apparently she went to a party. I know she drank because I smelled alcohol on her breath. It was just a bit, but it was there."

"If you want, we can bring her to Med and I can do a tox screen to see the level of alcohol in her system," Will suggested.

"You know, that's not a bad idea actually."

Jay quickly stood up, but Will stopped him. "I'm kidding, man! Don't do that! She was still lucid when she came home, right?"

"Yeah, she was walking and talking normally."

"Okay, then sit your ass back down and don't drag your daughter to Med. Did you ground her?"

"No, I actually didn't."

"There's a shock. You always said you'd ground your kid if they snuck out. Oh, how things changed."

"I was just so relieved," Jay said and sat back down. "When Hailey pulled in the driveway and Y/N got out of her car--"

"Wait," Will started, cutting Jay off, "Hailey picked her up? Hailey Upton?"

"Yeah," Jay answered. "Apparently she'll give out her phone number to the kids in case they need to get home safe from somewhere after prom and homecoming. And, Y/N called her and not me."

"I wouldn't call you either," Will joked. "You'd probably scream at her in front of everyone at the party."

"I would not!" Will cocked his head to the side. "Okay, maybe, but that's beside the point. All that matters is that Y/N had the wherewithal to know that she couldn't drive and she solved that problem. God, Will, the amount of adrenaline that left my body when I saw her get out of that car was astronomical."

"I bet. So, do you know where she went?"

"I just know it was some party. She got lectured when she got home, don't worry about that." Jay put his head in his hands.

"What? What's wrong, Jay?"

"Anything could've happened to her, Will, and I wouldn't have been there to protect her. I wouldn't have been able to protect my own kid."

"Jay, you can't blame yourself. Hell, most teenagers do this stuff."

"I know, I know. It's just that her grades have been slipping slightly and I'm wondering if I should have her transfer schools." Your eyes widened as you listened to that part of the conversation. "Maybe, having her dad teach at the same school isn't helping her. She went to a party, Will. Maybe it's the kids she's meeting in class, maybe being at another school would be better for her."

"Jay, you can't make a decision like that based on one stupid decision the kid did." He knew his brother was torn up about this, so he changed the subject. "What'd Hailey say?"

"I offered to pay for her gas, but she shut me down."

"Anything else?"

Jay sighed. He knew his brother wouldn't let up. "We're going out for coffee tomorrow to grade. She said I can repay her by buying her coffee there."

"Aw, you're going on a date."

"It is not a date! It's just two coworkers working in a coffee shop together...in their off time."

"Sure, keep telling yourself that."

A few minutes later, the conversation was over and Jay walked Will out, so you made your way to your room.

One thing was for sure: you were not giving your dad another opportunity to even think about you switching schools.

It was time to grind...starting tomorrow because you desperately needed to sleep right now.

***

You woke up around 11:00 the next day, which was Sunday. Then you got up and went downstairs to eat some breakfast.

"Morning," your dad said. "I made breakfast sandwiches. There's two in the fridge if you want one...or both."

"Thanks," you said. You wanted to ask if he was still mad, but you didn't really want to have an argument right when you woke up.

But, being around teenagers all day must've given your dad a sixth sense.

"Listen, kid, I'm not mad at you if that's what you're worried about. You just... you scared me last night. If something happened to you because I couldn't protect you-- because, as a parent, it is my first responsibility to keep you safe. Anyway, if I couldn't keep you safe because I didn't know where you were, I would never be able to forgive myself."

"Can I tell you why--"

"No. As a teacher at the school, the less I know the better. I really don't want to have to tell the administration and then get kids suspended from their sports for drinking. So, all I know is that you snuck out, went to a party, and drank. I don't wanna know who else was there or whose house it was at."

"But, I--"

"Y/N, end of discussion. Now, I have to go and meet Hail-- Miss Upton, for coffee since she so graciously picked you up when you made a bad decision last night. Don't do anything stupid when I'm gone or else you will be in trouble, got it?"

"Yeah, I got it. I'm just gonna study for the SATs."

"Good idea. Be back later. I love you."

"Love you, too, Dad."

***

"...And whatever she's having," Jay said and slid over so that the barista could input Hailey's order.

"Just a grande vanilla sweet cream cold brew, please," Hailey ordered.

Jay paid and then he and Hailey waited by the other side of the counter for their drinks to be ready.

Jay laughed. "You and my daughter have the same taste. You both like vanilla sweet cream cold brews."

"I'm shocked you let her get that with the amount of caffeine in cold brew," she said.

"Eh, it's just like once a week. On my rest day when I don't have to be at school before dawn to run, I'll grab her and I something from Starbucks, and then she'll just stop by my room to get it before school starts."

"That's nice of you," Hailey mused.

"Yeah, but nothing compared to Miss I have coffee in my room for the kids and you can drink as much as you want Upton."

"If you've ever heard kids talk about how little sleep they get like I do since I teach AP classes, then you'd get why I do that, Halstead. I hear kids saying that they normally only get four hours of sleep a night because they're up so late doing homework. While I don't think they should become dependent on caffeine at such a young age and need to be getting a lot more sleep than that, they need to stay awake during school. That's also probably the reason why you and I don't give a lot of homework."

"And it's ridiculous how early school starts anyway," Jay said and grabbed their drinks off the counter.

"I'll drink to that," Hailey laughed and then poked her straw in her cold brew and took a sip.

Once they took their seats, they talked a little before starting to grade and lesson plan.

"Not to pry or anything," Hailey began, "but did you ground Y/N? You don't have to answer it if you don't want to, I'm not her parent, so I know I'm not the least bit entitled to that information."

"Well, you did pick her up when she needed help, so I'd say you are entitled to that information," Jay chuckled. "But, to answer your question, no I didn't ground her just because I was so relieved that she was home. The amount of adrenaline and cortisol that dropped in my body when I saw her get out of your car was amazing, Hailey. Thank you so much." He paused and took a sip of his cappuccino. "But, we did have a talk about how she shouldn't be doing that because it's dangerous and if something happened to her, that I wouldn't be able to help her and since I'm her parent, my first job is to keep her safe. She does know that if she sneaks out or goes to a party again, I will be grounding her, though."

"Well, you had a much different and a way better reaction than my dad did when he learned that I snuck out," Hailey muttered.

But, Jay had great hearing and heard her. He put down his coffee and furrowed his eyebrows. "What happened? You don't have to tell me anything you aren't comfortable with."

"Why did you become a teacher?" Hailey asked instead.

"Why did I become a teacher?" Jay repeated and Hailey nodded. "Well, as you know I was in the Rangers in Afghanistan and, while I was there I saw so many kids walking super far to schools or us accompanying children to school. They had to go through so much just to get to school, and I wanted to make a difference in kids' lives here Stateside. So, when I came home, I enrolled in college and got my degrees in education and a minor in history." Hailey had known that he was a veteran, which explained why he took every September 11 off, but she didn't know he became a teacher because of what he saw over there. "What about you?" he asked. "You went into social work before you became a teacher, right?"

For the past almost month and a half, the two teachers had been eating lunch together in either Hailey or Jay's classroom, and during those, they obviously talked about their experience with education and what made them want to go into the teaching field. Hailey mentioned one time that she was originally a social work major but then switched it to education. But, Jay didn't know why.

"Yeah, yeah, I was originally a social work major. But, it uh, it brought up some really bad memories and I didn't think I could handle being around that all day," Hailey answered, staring directly at her coffee.

Jay cocked his head to the side. "What do you mean? Again, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

"Um, it's okay. It's a part of my past. So, why I said that you were a lot nicer to Y/N when she snuck out was because, well, when my dad found out that I did, he uh, he..." she trailed off.

Jay's gaze was soft and sad as he finished for her. "Physical?" he asked, referring to the type of abuse she had endured as a child and teenager.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Hailey, I am so, so sorry that happened to you. I'm honored that you'd tell me this."

"It's uh, it's why I give those kids my phone number in case they need help. And, at the beginning of the year, it's on my syllabus, too," she said.

"In case they need a way out, they can call you," Jay said, piecing it together.

Hailey nodded.

Jay reached across the table and gently grabbed Hailey's hand in his. "You're a good woman, Hailey Upton."

She smiled sadly and nodded, grounding herself by focusing on the feeling of Jay's hand in hers.

"Do you want to get started on grading now?" she asked after a minute had passed.

"That might be a good idea," Jay laughed. Then, he let go of Hailey's hand. But, neither of them wanted that little handhold to end.

***

One month later

God, you were in pain. You didn't wanna get out of bed; you just wanted to sleep. Hell, you needed sleep.

Over the past month, you had thrown yourself into studying. You wanted to stay at this school. You loved all your teachers and you didn't want to leave your friends, especially your best friend Emma. And, you were also scared that if you had to transfer schools, that you might not do well on your AP exams or that you'd have a bunch of other requirements that the new school had that you'd have to do the last half of your junior year and during the entirety of your senior year.

You didn't want any of that.

So, you had come up with a plan.

The day after homecoming and that next week, you studied an hour or two hours later than normal. But, you still felt that you had work to do if you didn't want your dad to transfer you at the end of the semester. So, during your study hall hour, you'd go to the teachers and ask how you could get your B+ up to an A- or your A- up to an A. You'd even review questions you got wrong on quizzes so that you could get them right when those types of questions showed up on the tests.

Yes, the teachers probably thought you were crazy because you had good grades already and were trying to be Little Miss Perfect (or they thought that you were trying to get into another scholarship bracket for college or trying to become valedictorian), but you didn't care if you looked crazy. You wanted to finish your high school career at the school you were at now.

Also during this time, you had been "going to sleep" around 10:00-11:00, which was your normal time, just so that your dad didn't get suspicious. But, what you'd actually do was sleep for an hour-ish and then get up and study more.

It started with you studying until midnight and at the latest 1:30 in the morning...and then you'd wake up five hours later at 6:30. It wasn't ideal, but you could manage. Because, since your dad went to school earlier than you, you just brought extra coffee to school and he didn't notice a thing.

But, since all the teachers wanted to get their tests in before Thanksgiving break, for the past two weeks, you had been doing your power nap thing so your dad assumed that you were asleep, and then would wake up and do homework and study until 3:00-3:30 in the morning. This meant, that during the week, you were running on just three to three and a half hours of sleep a night. And, it wasn't like you could catch up a ton on the weekend, or else your dad would get suspicious. So, you just got like seven or maybe eight hours of sleep on the weekends. So, you were constantly in a state of sleep debt and in desperate need of caffeine.

You had done the extra cup of coffee for the first two weeks, but for the past two weeks, you had been drinking two cups of coffee at your house before school and finishing the second cup at school right before classes start, but then going into Miss Upton's classroom and getting another cup of coffee. Then, you'd also get another one from her room a little after lunch. (You made sure to never go in there during her lunch period because your dad and her still ate lunch together and you didn't want him to get suspicious.) Also, sometimes you and Emma would go to Starbucks to study after school. So, lately, you had been averaging four to five cups of coffee during the week and just two on the weekends. Because, again, you couldn't have your dad getting suspicious.

And, your dad and Miss Upton ran together in the morning before school now, so you really had to be careful about what you told Miss Upton. You couldn't have her telling your dad that you were drinking a couple additional cups of coffee. You just told her that your coffee never stayed warm long enough when you brought it from home, which is why you opted for hers. And, she bought it.

To cover the bags under your eyes, you had been wearing a bit of extra foundation and cover-up. And, to make sure that your dad didn't notice at home, you'd wash off all your makeup after school, but then quickly redo the area under your eyes.

So far, he was oblivious.

But, for a week and a half, your stomach had been super achy and you couldn't stand to eat anything in the morning before you had at least one cup of coffee. So, what would typically happen was that you'd end up eating a bowl of overnight oats in your car in the school parking lot before walking inside so that your coffee had time to digest. You figured out that you were fine after that. Well, it was still achy, but not as bad as in the morning.

God, you wish you were at that point right now.

For the past five days, you've been feeling nauseous and your stomach has been achy, but in the morning, there'd be a stabbing pain before you had any coffee. You'd roll out of bed when your alarm went off and go straight downstairs to get coffee because that seemed to be the only thing--besides ibuprofen--that would alleviate the pain.

But right now, right now was the worst you had ever felt in your entire life. You felt like someone was stabbing your stomach and it wouldn't let up. You felt nauseous like you'd puke any second. And, trying to get into another position didn't help. Nothing helped.

Fuck, you had to swallow your pride and your secrecy and go tell your dad.

You needed help and you needed it now.

So, you got up. But, that just made it worse. You swallowed, trying to keep the lump in your throat and not have it go on the floor.

You whimpered and then walked a few steps and opened your bedroom door.

Then, you threw yourself on the floor and crawled across the hallway.

You held your breath as you stood up, anticipating a ton of pain--which came--when you stood up and opened the door to your dad's room.

Then, you went back on the floor and crawled in there with tears streaming down your face.

It took all your energy to whisper, "Daddy."

***

Jay blinked sleepily. He thought he heard his daughter mumble "Daddy", which she hadn't called him in years. But, then he heard it again.

He looked down and saw a figure curled up in a ball on the floor.

"Daddy, make it stop, please," you whimpered.

He quickly flicked on the light so that he could get a better look at you.

"Y/N, baby, what's wrong?" he asked quickly when he saw your tears, your face contorted in pain, and how jagged your breathing was.

"Hurts," you whimpered as more tears fell and you clutched your stomach.

He jumped out of bed and knelt down next to you. "Your stomach?" he asked urgently. You nodded. "Can you sit up?"

You nodded and leaned against his bed. But, that was a bad idea because the minute you were upright, you puked right down yourself. You groaned and pressed down more on your stomach, which just caused you to vomit more and more.

The minute you started to vomit, Jay looked at the clock. He started to soothe you by rubbing your back, but then quickly stopped and ran into the adjoining bathroom to grab the trashcan and put it underneath your mouth instead.

"There you go, there you go," he soothed as he held the trashcan with one hand and rubbed your back with the other. "Get it out. It's okay. It's okay. I'm right here. I'm right here, Y/N."

But, when you puked for almost four minutes straight and were still in pain after, Jay knew something was seriously wrong.

"Don't get up, you'll make it worse," he said. You nodded weakly. "I'm gonna go grab you some water and Gatorade and put those and a bowl in the car. Then, we're gonna go to Med to get you checked out." You nodded again. "I'll be right back. I love you."

He gave you a quick kiss on the forehead and then sprinted off into the kitchen to grab the stuff he previously mentioned. Then, he ran outside and unlocked his car, turned it on to start heating up, put that stuff in the backseat, and sprinted back inside.

"Y/N, you still awake?" he asked when he walked back into his room.

"Mhm," you hummed with your eyes still closed and your hands still clutching your stomach.

"Okay, I'm gonna throw on a hoodie and my shoes, and then I'm gonna run into your room and grab you some shoes and a hoodie because it's pretty cold out. Are you okay here?" you nodded slowly. "Okay, I'll be right back. Don't get up."

Five minutes later, you had your shoes and hoodie on. You weren't much help getting those on; your dad basically had to dress you as if you were a baby again.

"I'm gonna pick you up and bring you to the car and we're gonna go to Med to see Uncle Will."

"Uh huh," you said, letting your dad know that you had heard him. Then, you felt yourself being lifted off the ground and soon felt the chill of the late November air and then the leather seats of your dad's truck on your back and the warmth of the truck.

"There's water and Gatorade. I want you to take a few sips," your dad said. "There's a bowl, too in case you have to puke again."

You drank a few sips of Gatorade and then laid back down and closed your eyes.

As your dad backed out of the driveway, he called Will to explain the situation and tell him that the two of you were on your way to Chicago Med.

After the call, he threw his phone into the passenger seat and reached his left hand into the backseat, and grabbed one of your hands. You gripped your dad's hand weakly as he drove as fast he could to Chicago Med.

He had to make sure that his little girl was okay.

***

"We've got a treatment room right here," Maggie said when she saw Jay sprinting into the ED with you in his arms.

She quickly led him to it and he laid you down in the bed.

Will rushed in with Natalie and April a few seconds later.

"Y/N, Y/N, can you hear me?" Natalie asked.

"Hurts," you mumbled.

"Jay," Will started, "did she puke on the way here at all?"

"No, no, she didn't. She just puked for almost four minutes straight at home and it's worse when she sits or stands up. She's been clutching her stomach since she woke up."

"Gonna- gonna--" you started to heave and a pink basin was thrust under your mouth and then you emptied the few sips of Gatorade into the basin. You started to cry even harder once you finished. "Make it stop, make it stop! Please make it stop!"

Natalie turned to your dad. "Do we have permission to administer medications?"

"Please," he answered, his voice cracking. He was terrified. He was terrified something was seriously wrong. He had never seen you in so much pain. "You have permission. Just please help her."

April pushed antinausea and pain medications as well as a light sleeping medication because it was apparent that, along with puking and being in a world of pain, you were also utterly exhausted.

"Y/N," April started, "you're going to get sleepy soon. But, can you give us your pain level on a scale of one to ten?"

"Ten. My stomach hurts at a ten," you answered while tears still ran down your face.

"Did you eat anything you weren't used to? Drink anything?"

"No, no," you panted. "Just- just lots of coffee. Not a lot of sleep. Studying."

Will and Natalie shared a look. They knew what this could be. And, at least they got it out of you now, because it was clear that the meds were starting to work and you were fading fast.

"Hun," Natalie began, "we're gonna leave April in here with you in case you get sick again. Is it okay if me, your Uncle Will, and your dad have a chat outside real quick?"

"Want my dad. Please."

Natalie smiled sadly. "Okay, he'll stay. We can talk to him later."

Your dad reached for your hand and held it and rubbed his thumb over the top while you drifted into a medication-induced sleep.

Five minutes later, you were out.

Jay looked at his brother. "What's going on? What's wrong with my kid?"

"From what she told us, it sounds like the acid in the coffee she's been drinking has been irritating her stomach lining. Has she been drinking a lot of coffee lately?" Will asked.

"Not that I've noticed. But, sometimes there's a little less in the coffee pot than I think there should be. But, even if she is drinking two cups, that can't cause this, can it?" Jay asked worriedly.

"No, two cups shouldn't. But, if she isn't sleeping a lot, sometimes lack of sleep can make people feel pretty crappy. So, if she's drinking more than her normal amount of caffeine and not sleeping, then that could be what's causing it."

"But, she goes to bed at her normal time," Jay argued.

"That doesn't mean that she's sleeping. She could be lying awake in bed. Has she seemed more tired to you?"

"No, not that I've noticed. Uh, what do I do, Will? Can't you run some tests?"

"I mean, I can run one to see if she's sleep-deprived, it's a plasma cortisol test. If her levels are elevated, that means she's not getting enough sleep. But, it wouldn't give us the reason why her stomach's hurting so bad and why she's nauseous and vomiting," Will answered.

"Then don't run the test," Jay said. "If it's not going to figure out the problem, then I don't want to put her through that. But, what do we do?"

"If it's what I think, an irritated stomach lining, then we keep her for observation for a few days, ween her off of caffeine to a healthy amount, give her antinausea and pain medications, and just wait for her to go home until she feels better," Will answered.

"Okay. I guess we wait. You mind grabbing me some coffee?"

Will laughed because they had just been talking about how you had been possibly drinking too much coffee and now Jay was asking for it. "Yeah, I can do that. My shift ends in an hour, so I'll be down here to wait with you then."

Jay smiled. "Thanks, man."

***

It was 7:30 in the morning the next day, which was Thanksgiving Day, when Jay's phone rang, waking him up. He answered it without checking the caller ID because he didn't want to disturb your peaceful sleep.

"Hello?" he asked groggily.

"Jay? Where are you and Y/N?" he heard Hailey's voice through the phone.

Shit, the Turkey Trot, he thought.

He and you always ran the Turkey Trot every Thanksgiving, sometimes dragging Will along if he didn't have to work. Then, you'd have your Thanksgiving feast later in the day. Granted, your dad had to keep pace with you for the entire time, so it really wasn't a race. But, it was a nice bonding experience, so the two (sometimes three of you) kept it up.

Jay had mentioned it to Hailey one morning when they were running the indoor track before school started, and she said she'd sometimes run it, too. So, Jay had invited her to run it with him and you, and she agreed.

You were convinced that Miss Upton and your dad were secretly dating.

But, Miss Upton had been waiting for you and your dad at the designated meeting spot for half an hour now. And, Jay Halstead was not one to be late.

"Listen, me and Y/N aren't going to be able to make it. She had some stomach issues last night and now she's in the hospital and the doctors are trying to figure out what's wrong," Jay said.

"Oh my God," she said as she started to walk away from their planned meeting spot and towards the parking garage where she parked her car. "What hospital are you at?"

"Chicago Med," Jay answered. "Why?"

"I'm gonna find someplace that's open and grab breakfast and then I'll be there."

"Hailey, you don't have to."

"Jay, I want to do this. I'll be there within the next hour."

Then, without waiting for him to protest once more, she ended the call.

***

When you woke up a few hours later, you rubbed your eyes, despite the IV in your hand, and rolled over.

"Well good morning, or almost afternoon," your uncle Will said and stood up. "How's the pain on a scale of one to ten?"

"Uh, maybe a six, seven?" you said.

But then, you looked around the room.

Why was Miss Upton here?

"I'll go get a nurse and let you three talk," Will said and then left the treatment room.

You looked at your dad and raised your eyebrows. At the same time, the achiness in your stomach started up again and you clutched it.

"Gonna be sick?" your dad asked.

"I don't know," you answered.

He handed you the pink basin anyway (a clean one because last night's was gross and went off to get cleaned) and you set it on your lap.

"Feel like you can eat anything?" your dad asked. "Hailey brought food...and coffee, but we'll have to check with the nurses about how much coffee you can drink."

"You brought it?" you asked as you looked at Miss Upton.

She smiled. "I did. I called your dad to see why you two weren't at the Turkey Trot yet, and he said you two were here, so I figured I'd find somewhere that's open and get you breakfast." She rummaged around in the bag and pulled out a container. "He mentioned you were having stomach issues so I opted for something light, so the fruit and nut oatmeal from Mcdonald's. I also grabbed a packet of syrup in case you wanted it sweeter."

She passed the food to you along with a spoon and a napkin. "Thank you," you said as you took them from her. "Sorry I messed up your run."

Hailey laughed. "It's okay. My run's the least of my problems. Me and your dad just want you to get better."

You tried to hide your smile. She said she and your dad. She cared about you more than she did other students...and you were just waiting for them to slip up and call each other babe at this point.

"Hey, I'm back," Will announced as he walked into the room. This time, he had Dr. Choi and Monique in tow. "Natalie and April have Thanksgiving off, so you have Dr. Choi as your doctor and Monique as your nurse."

You nodded.

"Hi, Y/N, I'm Dr. Choi, as your brother just mentioned. Monique here is just going to check your vitals." You nodded again. "I understand you've been having some stomach issues. Can you tell me when they started? Any changes to your diet or routine that I should know about?"

Here goes nothing.

You looked at your dad as tears formed in your eyes. "I'm sorry," you said. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Your dad moved his chair closer to you and gently grabbed your hand. "Tell me what, baby?"

"I- I went to that party because--"

"Y/N, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't want to know why because I'm a teacher? Me and Miss Upton are both teachers."

"But I didn't go to drink at all! I hadn't even planned on drinking! I didn't even drink a drink!" you yelled, causing Monique to take a step back. You took a deep breath and turned to her. "Sorry, sorry. I'll be calm so you can do your job." After a few breaths, Monique went back to checking your vitals and you continued your story. "These two girls I know from my AP gov class asked me to come to the party to be their DD. So, I went. But, when I was there, I ate the fruit from the punch bowl and I forgot that the fruit absorbs the alcohol. I'm sorry."

"And when you realized what happened, you called Miss Upton?" your dad asked.

"Yeah," you confirmed. "And, I even made sure to give the car keys to one of the girl's boyfriends who wasn't drinking because he plays sports so that they'd get home safely."

Jay smiled slightly; he had taught you well.

"Did you keep drinking consistently after?" Dr. Choi asked. He couldn't see one drink causing all these problems.

"No, God no!" you said. But, then you clutched your stomach and took in a deep breath.

"Pain?" Dr. Choi asked.

"Yeah, it's not as bad as last night, though."

He looked to your dad. "If she wants more pain meds, will you allow it?"

"Yes," your dad answered.

"Do you want more pain meds?" Dr. Choi asked.

"Please," you answered.

So, Monique started to get the pain medication ready to go into your IV and then pushed the meds.

A few minutes later, once the medication had started to work, you continued your story.

"I heard you and Uncle Will talking," you said.

"When?" your dad asked. "Me and Uncle Will talk a lot."

"The night I snuck out. You and Uncle Will were talking and you said that you might make me transfer schools if my grades don't get better. I don't want to transfer schools, Dad."

Your dad sighed. "Kid, I was mad, but in reality, I wouldn't do that. That was just me being angry and trying to find a solution when I wasn't in the right headspace. Were you so nervous that your stomach hurt all the time?" he asked.

"No," you answered. "but, I started staying up later and doing homework."

"Really? You always seemed asleep to me."

"I'd sleep for an hour and then wake up and study more." Your dad sighed. "I'm sorry. And then I was just sleeping for like three hours, so I'd drink four or five cups of coffee a day and my stomach hurt so bad in the morning if I didn't drink any coffee, so I'd eat breakfast in my car before school."

"For how long?" your dad asked. "For how long have you been bottling this up? For how long have you been waiting to eat breakfast?"

"The stomach aches started a week and a half ago. I'm sorry I didn't tell you." You started to cry harder.

"Hey, hey it's okay. We know what happened now, so hopefully, Dr. Choi and everyone else here can fix it." He looked up at Dr. Choi who had been intently listening as well. "Right, Doc?"

Dr. Choi smiled. "That's right, Y/N. And, what it seems to me is that you've just been drinking too much coffee, and coupled with the lack of sleep, have had abdominal cramping and nausea due to all the caffeine irritating your stomach lining. So, what we'll do is ween your caffeine intake back down to one to two cups of coffee per day, not go cold turkey because you'll probably feel pretty crappy if we did that, and then continue giving you pain meds and antinausea meds. We'll probably keep you here a few days upstairs in a recovery room just for observation to make sure nothing else is going on."

"So, I have to spend my whole Thanksgiving break in the hospital?" you asked.

"I'm afraid so," he answered.

"Well, this sucks." You looked at the table next to Miss Upton. "Is that coffee for me?"

"It is. I don't know if you can have it, though," she answered.

"She can have it," Dr. Choi answered. "Just, no more after this one seeing as that's a large."

You nodded.

"I got you a vanilla iced coffee. Since apparently, we have the same taste because your dad said you also like vanilla sweet cream cold brews as much as me," Miss Upton said and then handed you the coffee.

"Seeing as everything looks good, me and Monique will check on you later." He turned to the three adults in the room. "If she pukes up that food or her stomach pain gets worse, come get us."

"Will do, Doc," your dad answered.

"Jay," Hailey started, "can I talk to you for a minute? Outside?"

Jay furrowed his eyebrows slightly but nodded. "Of course. Be right back, Y/N. I love you."

"I love you, too, Dad," you said.

Then, your dad and Miss Upton left the room.

Outside the treatment room, Hailey took a deep breath, grounding herself as she prepared to talk to Jay.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out.

"For what?" Jay asked, utterly confused.

"I knew she was drinking extra coffee but didn't tell you! Well, she told me when she brought it from home, that it would get cold too fast, so she always came to my room and had two cups during the day. If I knew she was drinking some at home, too, I would've never let her have any. I'm so, so sorry, Jay!"

"Hailey," Jay began and placed his hands on her shoulders, "it's not your fault. Hell, I didn't even notice it and she's my daughter."

"I know, but I just feel slightly responsible for her being in that hospital bed--"

"It's not your fault, Hailey. I promise. I don't blame you one bit and I know Y/N doesn't either."

Meanwhile, back in the treatment room, you really needed to use the bathroom.

"Uncle Will?" you asked, causing him to look up from his phone where he was trying to figure out what restaurants were open for dinner on Thanksgiving. He really didn't want him and his family eating hospital cafeteria food for Thanksgiving dinner.

"Hmm?" he hummed and gave you his full attention.

"I really need to go to the bathroom," you told him.

He pocketed his phone and stood up and moved over to you. "Okay, I'm gonna help you up and with one arm, I'll hold on to you and with the other, I'll hold onto the IV pole for you. Is that okay?" You nodded. "Do you think you'll need help in the bathroom? I can grab a nurse if you need me to," he offered.

"No, just help me to the bathroom, please. I should be good when I get in there."

"Okay." Then, he helped you up and the two of you made your way over to the bathroom where he stood and waited while you went inside.

Back with Hailey and Jay, Jay reassured Hailey once again that none of this was on her.

"If anything," Jay began, "I should be thanking you. You got Y/N home safe after that party."

"Jay, we've been over this. I would've done it for any one of my students," she said.

"But, would you take their dad up on their offer of buying you coffee if it wasn't my kid you picked up?" Jay asked and tilted his head to the side.

"Probably not," Hailey said, a blush rising to her cheeks.

"Can I ask why?" She stayed silent. "Listen, Hailey, it's been a long time since I've seen you as just a fellow teacher," Jay admitted.

She looked up at him. "Since we're all sharing secrets today, it's been a long time since I've seen you as a fellow teacher, too, Jay."

Jay smiled and moved a piece of her hair behind her ear. He leaned in. "Can I?" he asked.

He didn't get a response because she quickly pressed her lips against his. It was the kiss she had been waiting for since she asked him to eat lunch with her that first week of school.

You and your uncle Will had chosen that exact time to make your way back to your treatment room. You two had seen everything: your dad putting a strand of Hailey's hair behind her ear and them leaning in and kissing.

You were glad that one of your hands was free because you whacked Will across the chest in excitement.

It was finally happening!

Jay and Hailey pulled away and looked at each other and smiled.

"I uh, I hope that was okay," Hailey said quietly.

"Oh, it was more than okay. I'd happily do that again, but we should probably get back into Y/N's room. She's probably wondering what's taking us so long," Jay said.

Hailey laughed. "Probably."

The two turned around and saw you and Will standing thirty feet away. Jay's eyes widened. "Uh..." he trailed off as Hailey blushed hard.

"Finally!" you exclaimed.

"Yeah, I agree with Y/N on this one," Will laughed. "But, who would've thought? A government teacher and an English teacher?" He started to help you walk back to your treatment room but turned his head back to Jay and Hailey. "Oh, don't stop on our account."

"Will!"

A/N: hank you guys so, so, so much for reading! Again, please remember to like/reblog and comment because I love reading all your comments and seeing that you liked/reblogged because that means you enjoyed reading the imagine! Again, I am donating all my proceeds on buy me a coffee until the end of AU-gust to Save The Children to help the children in Afghanistan. Buy me a coffee here.

As always, if you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’d be happy to add you!

Taglist: @theambracer88@virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e @i-like-sparkly-things @herecomesthewriterwitch @liampayne88

[whaleofatjme1920]

Dearly beloved, Haha, it's fine. Japanese is not easy to master. I don't even know all the Kanjis, therefore I'm not a master at it too (lmao) We could study together if you get back. I wonder if you ever do. Please get some rest soon. He'll understand, I think. But please, rest. You deserve it. Have you taken any medications yet? You gotta have some or those migraines are gonna get worst. I remember having a migraine for a week and not taking any medications because it was an exam week. I was stupid thinking that medications would make me tired and I was afraid that I'd forget everything I learned. Again, me being and thinking dramatically. Well, at least, that about me hasn't changed. The dorms are just something I'm not used to yet. My batchmates are fine, just the seniors. Can't complain but oh well. Remember the friend I told you about? He's first in command of taking care of the batch. I'm his assistant. He's a great leader, that's why I am worried. He's different a bit and I wanna know why so maybe I could help. But, oh well, maybe it's just me overthinking. I'm in a bit worried state right now. One of my friends is in the hospital. Turns out, he will get surgery soon. I came to visit him and when I left, he gave me a thumbs up with a smile. God, why is this happening to him? Talking about friends, I am at one of my friends place with some other friends. We're here to hang out and celebrate Christmas together soon. And yes, I'm staying here. I think that you won't come back for Christmas because of the 'tall man'. It's fine. I hope you have a great Christmas! Don't stress too much! Have fun! Anyways, ah motel TVs. They're not really that bad for me. They just don't have our preferred content. My cat just gave a meow hahaha. I was watching football while writing this. It was the AFF Suzuki Cup. Cheering for Malaysia. They just won with 2-0 goals playing against Cambodia. In conclusion, well played. Cambodia has good players. I'm looking forward to another match between these two. I felt happy or overwhelmed, to be precise when I received your letter from Elsie. I have to thank her for this. Wish you were here too. This is the last letter that you'll receive before my study chart goes high again. I am back it the caffeine marathon baby~ Tim, get some rest, eat well and stay hydrated. Hope this letter finds you well <3 Sincerely, yours, Kayte.

To Elsie, Thank you for doing this. It's very sweet! Don't stress too much k? Rest if you need to! And my friends said 'Hi'! They were here when I wanted to send this ^^ They asked if you write anything else and I told them you did. They read some of it. They told me your writings are ✨G R E A T✨as well as your doodles~ DRINK WATER AND EATT <3 Sincerely, @caffeineaddicted-noonie

[Disclaimer: Letters To Those you Hold Dear is a special event I'm holding from December 9th - whenever I feel like closing it! The absolute deadline is December 21st. Find guidelines here so you can send a letter or two to those you hold dear <3]

Hey there sweetheart,

Spending time with you is perfect in my opinion. Whether we're studying new languages or talking on the rooftop, it's all really good to me. Thanks for reminding me about my meds, I've been... busy... Kinda forgetting them. Probably why the coughing fits have been acting up so bad recently. Wish you could see the eye roll I just did. If you're a drama diva, you're my drama diva. You make things interesting, and well, i love you. Don't know if you're overthinking it, if I'm being honest. Working with new people in positions of power can be really hard, trust me, I know. Every now and then the tall guy has us merge teams and let's just say that's less than fun depending on the leader. Some proxies don't bend for anything and I hate them for it. Still, I think you'll be alright. You always are.

I hope your friend stays safe as well. If he was introduced to this life, I would've sent him over to EJ. Man can help anyone given the right equipment. Tell your friends I said hi an that I hope you guys do festive things together. Tall guy might give us a window of time soon, but if I miss Christmas on the actual day, we'll just celebrate it a little later - no harm no foul. We deserve to do cute couple shit too haha.

We watch the local news most days. It's kinda abysmal because none of us even care and we hide our work so well that it's not even giving us the satisfaction of reporting on it. Toby is slowly going mad over it. Don't blame him. If we hear about the weather one more time... Y'know, I wish I knew more about that stuff. But go Malaysia! When I was younger, I liked basketball. Hoodie did too, we used to play often and we were... he was better at it than I was but that's because the man is a giraffe. Elsie got Jeff's dog to ferry the messages across, said it was just "her job", and no need for thanks but... When I see her I'll pass that on for you. I'm going to miss your words bunches. Good luck with your studying and literally everything else, but I know you got this. Get some rest yourself, and dream of me!

Yours,

Tim

P.S. I love you.

Hi love bug,

Thank you so much! I'm glad you're finding enjoyment in this special event. I thought it would be nice for the holidays. Honestly I like writing letters to people. 5/10 if I have something important to talk about with someone, whether it be friendship problems, good things, bad, I'll send it in letter format because I find it... nice. i haven't done that in a while so writing these to make you guys happy is a nice resolve. Tell your friends I said hello, that I think that's very kind of them, and a huge thank you! Take care of yourself as well.

Lots of love,

Elsie

[final-girl96]

Radioactive Spider Bite

Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: language, vilonce, muture content? Maybe later on?, jealousy, death, idk its marvel... slow updates.

A/N: please don't be rude. Feed back is welcome but be kind. If there is any little details you would like to change to fit your style and personality please do so. This will also be on my WATTPAD along with all my other stories. This begins with Civil War when Peter comes home to find Tony Stark there. It will go to Homecoming, Infinity War, End Game, Far From Home, and then when No Way Home is out and I watch it the story will continue as long as there is a new movie with Spider-Man.

Word Count: 1122 words

Captian America: Civil War

Chapter Two

Mr. Stark walked over to Peter's desk. "Whoa, what have we here? Retro tech, huh?" He said. "Peter's a nerd," I said. "Hey! I am not," he said pushing me a little. "Thrifty store? Salvation army?" Stark asked Peter. "Uh, the garbage, actually," Peter said. "You're a dumpster diver?" Mr. Stark asked bluntly. "Yeah, I was... anyway, look, um, I did not apply for your grant and either did y/n..." Peter said but was cut off. "Ah-ah! Me first," Mr. Stark said loudly. "Okay," Peter said.

"Quick question of the rhetorical variety," Stark said holding his phone up. A screen projected from it showing Peter or "Spider-Man swinging by a guy on his webs. "That's you, right?" He asked. "Um. No. What do you... what do you mean?" Petet stammered. "Yeah," Stark said flipping his phone as another video came up. "Look at you go," he said. "Wow! Nice catch. 3,000 pounds, 40 miles an hour. That's no easy. You got mad skills," Mr. Stark said and brought up another video. "And this... this is both of you," he said. The video showing Peter and I swinging together the day he was showing me how the web-shooters worked just in case I changed my mind.

Peter had his stupid suit he made on and I have black leggings and a tight long sleeve black shirt with my hair up in a ponytail and a simple black mask that went over my eyes. I had my arms around his neck and my legs wrapped around his waist while his one arm was securely around my waist. He had been talking to me and explaining everything step by step. I squinted at the stilled frame and shook my head. "Nope. That... that is not me," I said and looked at Mr. Stark. "Really? And I guess this isn't either?" He asked showing another video of me swinging by myself. I shook my head "nope. Nope, definitely not me," I said.

"That's... that's all you YouTube, though, right? That's where you found that? Because you know that's all fake. It's all done on the computer," Peter jumped in. "Mmm-hmm," Stark hummed. "It's like that video. What it is?" Peter said looking at the projected screen in front of us as Stark looked around. "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you mean like those UFOs over Phoenix?" Stark said as he took a broom handle and pushed open the crawl space door on the ceiling. Peter's suit falling out on a rope. "Oh, what has me here?" He said. Peter jumped in front of him and grabbed him. Turning his back he shoved it into his closet.

"Uh..." Peter let out leaning on the wall nodding his head. I sat on his bed and flopped back laying down. "Awkward," I said and Peter glared at me. Mr. Stark walked over to him. "So. You're the Spider-ling. Crime-fighting spider. You're Spider-Boy? And you're what? Spider-Girl?" He asked. "No. I'm y/n," I said and rolled my eyes. "Spider-Man," Peter said crossing his arms. "Not in that onesie, you're not," Stark said. "Ha!" I snorted out laughing at that. "It's not a onesie," Peter said and walked over to pick the broom handle up. "I don't believe this. I was actually having a really good day today, Mr. Stark. We didn't miss put train, this perfectly good DVD player was just sitting there... and Algebra test, nailed it," Peter said now standing by his desk. "I'm pretty sure I failed it," I said sitting up.

"Who else knows? Anybody?" Mr. Stark asked. I and Peter shook our heads. "Nobody," we both said. "Not even your unusually attractive aunt?" Stark asked. "No. No. No! If she knew, she would freak out. And when she freaks out, I freak out," Peter said. "That's true he does," I said looking at Mr. Stark who was sitting on the end of the bed in a chair. "You know what I think is really cool? This webbing," Mr. Stark said and threw the little thing he had the webbing at Peter who caught it without looking. "That tensile strength is off the charts. Who manufactured that?" Stark asked.

"Peter did," I said. Mr. Stark raised his eyebrows as he looked over the suit. "Climbing walls, how you doing that? Adhesive gloves?" He asked. "It's a long story. I was..." Peter started but stopped cut off by Stark. "Lordy! Can you even see in these?" He asked holding the goggles up to his face that were attached to the suit. I bit my lip so I wouldn't laugh as Peter glared at me. "Yes. Yes. I can," Peter said taking it away from him and putting this in the small closest. "I can see in those. Okay? It's just that when whatever happened, happened... It's like our senses dialed to 11. There's way too much input, so they kinda help me focus," Peter said.

"You're in dire need of an upgrade. You too," Stark said looking at me. "What? No!" I said but he ignored me. "Systemic, top to bottom, hundred-point restoration. That's why I'm here," he said and leaned against the wall. Peter sat beside me on the bed. "Why are doing this? I gotta know, what's your MO? What gets you outta that twin bed in the morning?" Stark asked. "Me. I get him outta bed," I said. "And you, why don't you do what he's doing? Why are you Spider-Girl?" He asked.

Peter looked at me and looked back at Mr. Stark. "Because..." he stammered a little. "Because I've been me my whole life, and we have had these powers for 6 months. I read books, I build computers. Yeah, I would love to play football, but I couldn't then, so I shouldn't now," Peter said. I forward my eyebrows he never told me exactly why he was doing what he was. "Sure, because you're different," Stark said. "Exactly. But I can't tell anybody that, so I'm not," Peter said. Stark looked at me then and raised his eyebrows. I sighed knowing I wasn't getting around this at all and I was going to have to explain why I wasn't out there with Peter in so ridiculous suit fighting crime.

"I'm not a genius like Peter is. I can barely pass my classes. I wouldn't be passing them if it wasn't for him. I'm more street smart and I'm artsier than him. I take pictures and draw and I don't draw pretty things, I draw dark messed up things. Peter follows the rules and I don't. So what business do I have out there saving people's lives?" I said looking down at my hands.

[leopardprintismybrown]

Time for confessions

(From Music Life August Issue 1985)

In May, Queen made their sixth visit to Japan. Despite the disturbing rumous of a breakup, the concert was still amazing and once again the Japanese performance was a huge success. After Freddie’s interview for last month’s issue, this month we will share an interview with Roger Taylor and John Deacon. They will be open about confidential topics never shared before: the truth about the breakup, what will happen to Queen…

**********************************************************

★ This was the best tour even according to them

First of all, this year’s concert was awesome. It was very impressive and, in my opinion, it was better than any previous performances.

Roger: Really?! Thank you so much. Even in our opinion, this world tour was the best we’ve ever done.

John: Before coming to Japan, we’ve performed in Australia and New Zealand. Our last time in Australia was nine years ago and this was our first time in New Zealand, but the concert in Sidney was particularly great.

Roger: Exactly. 70000 people attended the 4 concerts in Australia. The tickets were all sold-out and right about that time the album was at the second place, it was amazing. Though, apparently, it was the wrong season. The weather in Australia is usually very nice, but it kept raining throughout our stay!

Well, well… And how was the response of the Japanese audience?

Roger: Very good! It’s not flattery, I’m serious. Since the security was strict, I had the impression that the people weren’t participating as expected, but everyone was singing with us and it was great!

John: Speaking of which, yesterday Roger and I were discussing about how many times we’ve performed at the Budōkan. I guess 15-16 times, maybe 17?

The staging and the set changed but it was as impactful as ever. When did you start with that stage set?

John: After “The Works” was completed. We started with the European tour. Then we toured South America, Brazil… and after that Japan. The one who designed that stage was…

Roger: Me! (laughs) Then with our tour manager we thought of a stage designer in Los Angeles. Basically, it’s the atmosphere of the movie “Metropolis”.

I was overwhelmed by the stage set, but I was really surprised to hear the early Queen numbers such as “Liar” and “Seven Seas of Rhye” because I wasn’t really expecting to hear those songs…

Roger: Uhm, we selected the songs together. The tour with this set started with Europe, but in the middle of it we wanted to include some early songs, too. Then we decided to do a medley with 5 early songs and to put it into the set halfway through the European tour.

John: We’ve played so many songs so far, that I even forgot some of them. It was so hard to remember! (laughs)

★ The scary story behind Rock in Rio

I have a few questions about “Rock in Rio” that took place in Brazil on January of this year. You’ve already played concerts in Brazil so far but this was the first time in Rio, right?

John: Yes, we’ve been to Argentina and Brazil in ‘81, but we only played at Sao Paulo Football Stadium. This was our first time playing in Rio, but the hall and the audience was great.

Roger: It was the biggest concert we ever did. We did two shows, the first day and the Friday night, and each one was attended by 250000 people. Everyone sang with us and the atmosphere was great! There was no violence.

John: And we were lucky. The two nights when we played it didn’t even rain. It was an outdoor location and the rain could have been a problem. The ground gets messy because of the mud... It rained the day Rod Stewart played.

Did you have the chance to watch the performances of other bands?

Roger: Of course. I saw Whitesnake. I also met Cozy and…. Oh yeah, I saw Rod Stewart.

John: I didn’t go… the venue was so distant. However, there are bars with televisions in Brazil and groups of young people watched together the part of the event that was broadcasted every night. AC/DC were good.

Would you care to share some interesting anecdotes?

Roger: Oh! I have a lot, but those are not properly the kind of stories to tell. (laughs) Because it was like a 10 day long party.

John: Oh yes, a lot happened…. Let’s see… The first day we had a hard time. Rio is a traffic jam. For this reason, the people in Rio leave their cars on the road when it gets jammed and walk. So we decided to go the venue by helicopter, just in case. However, the road was not packed at all and we arrived way too early.

Roger: Yes, we had to be at the venue by 6 o’ clock and we couldn’t be late. It’s good that we arrived early, but our set actually started at 2 in the morning! Next time we’ll go by bus no matter what!!

John: Also, it was fun to be able to meet people we haven’t met before. With him (if you look at the picture on ML April Issue, he’s pointing at Neil Murray) it was the first time. Oh, this is a picture we took at the party in the hotel (he’s looking at the picture of Brian with a local fan), Brian looks drunk. He jumped into the pool. (laughs)

What?? I can’t imagine Brian jumping into the pool! Well, now that you say that, his hair and trousers are soaked… Anyway, it looks like you enjoyed “Rock in Rio”! (laughs)

Roger, John: Yes, a lot! (laughs)

★ It was difficult (The Works)

It’s been almost 12 years since Queen was formed…

John: Yes, it’s been 12 years… 12 years! (he suddenly makes the imitation of an old man) 14 years that I’ve known the other members.*

In these years you’ve established your own musical style, you’ve released many wonderful records, and you’ve written a brilliant and shining page in the history of rock. And also, each member is now working individually as a musician. Is there a special reason for working outside of the group?

Roger: Uhm, my personal reason is simply because I like to work.

John: It was very difficult to complete “The Works”, to be honest… Of course, all of us want to pursue Queen. But it’s true that preserving the group is hard. When we entered the studio, we had a lot of expectations but it was as if the time was just flowing rapidly without realizing it… The recording of “The Works” took too much time and it was a bit tiring. Four people were not on the same page, musically speaking... though, of course, we made it work in the end, somehow. But this is the case for every band that has been around for years.

It must be difficult, because every member of Queen is an independent musician.

John: The next plan is to take a break for a while and then go back to the studio around November. This time we’re also going to change the producer.

Do you already have ideas for the new album?

Roger: I have something vague in my mind, but nothing concrete. I want to do something different from “The Works”. I think that “The Works” is a good album with a mix of modern and old elements, but we have to keep changing. “Tonight” by David Bowie was a mistake, in my opinion. The album was released too soon and it hadn’t changed enough.

★ Break up? We will someday

Do you want to do something in particular in your time off? Is John going to make a solo album?

John: I thought about it. I went to a little studio in London but I don’t have time to think during tours. But when it comes to singing… I’m sorry, but I need to get someone’s help for the song. (laughs)

And Roger? Are you going to make a third solo album?

Roger: I have no plans for a solo album but I’m producing something, lately. Sideway Look, Jimmy Nail… Jimmy Nail made it to the top 20 in the UK charts. It was the first record I produced, so it’s all the more satisfying!

Are there any musicians or bands you want to produce in the future?

Roger: Yes, a lot. Jeff Beck, and also Rod Stewart. It looks like we can do a good job.

Have you listened to Freddie’s solo album?

John: I’ve listened to some songs, but not to the whole album, yet. “Made in Heaven” is a good song.

Roger: The one I like more is “Made in Heaven”, too.

Finally, I’d like to ask a slightly more serious question. There’s been rumours about Queen breaking up…

Roger: (bursts into laughter) Mwahahahah…

Of course, I don’t want to believe in these rumours, but I’d like to know the truth.

John: Well, someday we will breakup. But does anybody know when this someday will be?

Roger: In these 14 years, we’ve always denied with a firm “NO!” whenever someone asked about Queen breaking up. That’s just a rumour. There are absolutely no plans to break up at the present day. I wonder if everyone wants Queen to break up so bad... (laughs)

John: Certainly, touring is getting harder, because we have to completely change the shows and the approach. But it’s been decided that we’ll work on the new album starting from November.

Please continue your work with Queen forever, no matter what form you want it to take in the future. I think this is the wish of all the fans.

Roger, John: Thank you very much. You’re right, that is way better than breaking up.

Ok, this is really the last question. What do you want to do in the future as members of Queen and as individuals?

Roger: Personally, I want more kids! (laughs) As a Queen member, I want to be more successful in America. It’s true that we have a certain notoriety in America, but the last album didn’t sell that well… Well, there are ups and downs in everything. That’s why I want to hit big in America again. To achieve that, we must do a looooong tour centered in Midwest. (laughs)

Roger and John have clearly denied the breaking up of Queen. They’ve talked about ambitions for the future, like achieving a bigger success in America. Their eyes focused on the future have still not lost their glow.

*I don’t own the magazine where this interview was released so I cannot double check. I think the numbers have been reversed because Queen formed in 1970 before John met them. And if you read further below, Roger mentions 14 years of activity.

**********************************************************

A/N: As always, I am not an English native speaker, so forgive any possible error. Also, remember that translating into a foreign language is difficult and I hope I have preserved the original meaning.

[miafic]

hi we are doing in-depth sexual assault discussion today and if that is not your thing, this is not your story. 

one ~ two ~ three four ~ five ~ six ~ seven

---

“Hey, baby,” Zakk greeted as he walked up to Lucas’ chair and hugged him from behind. 

Lucas turned his head to kiss him. “Hi.” 

“How did your first session go?” 

“It was good,” Lucas replied truthfully. “She’s really smart. And she’s no-nonsense, which is what I need.” 

Zakk smiled. “Awesome!” 

“Yeah. Um, I have homework,” he said, motioning to the piece of paper in front of him. 

Zakk nodded, eyebrows raised. 

“I have to make a list of all my responsibilities at Peace and Purpose and then make a list of everybody else’s responsibilities. The staff, I mean.” 

“Yeah.” 

“She had me start making it there, and when she saw how disproportionate it was, she said I need to hand some stuff off.” 

Zakk took Lucas’ face in his hands. He leaned down so that their eyes were level. “What,” he began softly, “have I been telling you for years and years? Hmm?” 

Lucas looked away, but Zakk kissed his forehead. 

“I’m glad you’re finally listening to somebody. “ 

“Yeah, well, I don’t know if anything’s gonna get moved.” 

“Can I see?” 

Lucas slid the page over a few inches. 

Zakk studied it. “Emails and paperwork you can keep,” he joked, tapping on the first two items, and Lucas chuckled tiredly. Zakk scanned the entire list and said, “Literally anything on here, I’m willing to do. Any of it.” 

“Hmm,” Lucas said shortly. 

“What can you let go of?” 

“She wants me to pick five things.” 

“Good. What can you let go of?” he repeated. 

Silence. 

Zakk pointed at the meal schedules line and suggested, “I can do this and make the grocery list since I’m already the one shopping. I can do the kitchen job lists, too; you can let me handle all the food stuff. Tell me what you want to eat and if you want any of the boys doing specific jobs, and I’ll make the lists and the schedule.” 

“What if it’s not how I want it?” Lucas asked, voice tense. 

“Then you say, ‘I want tacos on Friday night,’ and I’ll make it happen. But a lot of the time, I’ll just tell you what we’re having, and you’ll say, ‘Okay,’ and then you’ll eat it. And you won’t even have to think about it - you can just show up. You’ll be like one of the kids!” 

“No.” 

“No?” 

Lucas shook his head. “We’re not doing that.” 

“Okay, then...” He kept reading. “Why don’t you let me deal with payroll? I can handle that.”

“No, Zakk.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because. It’s really important.” 

Zakk motioned to the list. “It’s all really important. And you’re trying to do all of it at once.”

“I’m not trying to do it. I’m doing it.” 

“Please let me help. Look, driving! I can drive. I have a state-issued license and everything. It has my picture on it.” 

“No. I like driving.” 

“I know, but maybe sometimes I can have a turn. What if you take two of the kids to therapy, and I take two of the kids? Then it’s even. 50/50.” 

“No, Zakk.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because I drive to appointments.” 

“But I could take it off your plate! Just because you always have doesn’t-”

“Stop arguing with me,” Lucas warned. 

“-mean that you always have to. I’m just as capable of driving as you are. And I really don’t mind sitting in a waiting room. I know you think I hate it, but I don’t care. I can entertain myself.”

“It’s not about that,” he sighed exasperatedly.  

“Then what’s it about?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Then let me do it.” 

“No!” Lucas spat, and he slammed his hand onto the counter, making Zakk jump. “You’re not taking them to appointments! I have to do that! Take whatever else you want, but not that one!” 

Zakk was looking at Lucas with wide eyes. After a moment, it registered with Lucas that it was fear on Zakk’s face. Zakk was... afraid of him? 

Without a word, Lucas got up and stalked toward the staircase. “Ruining your life, you’re ruining your life,” Lucas muttered urgently to himself. Zakk didn’t follow him, and again, he was glad. He was headed for the walk-in closet so he could shut himself inside someplace quiet and take a few minutes to calm down, but halfway between the door of the bedroom and the door of the closet, Lucas found himself sinking down to the floor. He sat there, hands pressed into the carpet, rocking slowly back and forth and trying to keep everything inside. 

“Stop it, just stop it, stop,” he whispered. “Stop, stop, it’s fine, it was a long time ago...” But the hot tears had already welled up and were threatening to spill over, and Lucas couldn’t breathe, not all the way. Everything felt awful - the tears and the desperation and the regret and the physical pressure in his chest. 

And that’s when Zakk opened the door. 

“Lucas?” he called. Then - “Oh! Oh, hey... Hey... Are you crying?” 

And then Zakk was beside him on the ground, and apologies were spilling desperately from Lucas’ mouth, and Zakk was soothing him, brushing a hand from his forehead up over the crown of his head over and over and over again. 

“I can’t give up driving them to the appointments,” Lucas managed to say, his chest tight. “It has to be me.”

“Why?” 

“Because I have to be there for them. If something happens, I have to-” He pulled in a big breath- “be there, I have to be there. It has to be me.” 

“Why?” Zakk repeated. 

The answer came in a whisper. “Because I know what it feels like.” 

Lucas hated the silence that hung in the room. Zakk probably didn’t know what to say, but neither did Lucas. 

He pulled away, crawled a few feet out of Zakk’s reach, and forced himself to keep talking. “I’m going to tell you now, okay? What I’ve been... not saying. Things will make more sense.”

Zakk moved so that he was cross-legged, and then he swallowed. “I’m ready.” 

“Okay. I’m just gonna start talking.”

Zakk nodded.

“When I was in high school, my mom changed jobs, so we changed insurance companies. And we switched doctors.” Lucas’ voice was dull, as though he were reciting something that someone else had written. “My brother and sister were adults and already out of the house, and I was fourteen, so it was just me that went. I had to get a physical in the spring to be able to go to summer football practice. I was going to be a sophomore in the fall, and I thought for some reason that since I wasn’t a freshman anymore, I was going to get a decent chunk of playing time.” 

Zakk smiled a little, and Lucas saw it out of the corner of his eye, but he couldn’t feel it. 

“I was really excited to get my physical so I could get going. And I was right to be, because that was the summer that I met Chance.” He paused for several seconds before continuing. “Everything at the appointment was fine, but toward the end, my doctor - who was this guy probably in his 50s - asked if I’d ever had a-” 

Lucas suddenly stopped talking. He felt sick to his stomach. He felt small.

“You’re doing great,” Zakk encouraged softly. 

Lucas nodded. “Um, he asked if I’d had a ‘genital exam,’ he called it. At my last doctor’s office, I mean. Like, he was asking if I’d had one before, and I’d gotten the paper where they tell you how to check yourself for cancer, but not anything more than that. So I kind of laughed and said no, because for some reason I thought he was kidding. And he looked surprised and said that there were some things that I needed to look at, and that they should have started doing them when I turned twelve.” 

Lucas wanted to look at Zakk, but he was too afraid. And he knew that if he stopped talking, he wouldn’t be able to start again, so he forced himself to keep going. “The way he explained it made sense,” Lucas said, his voice still emotionless but barely above a whisper, “so I let him touch me. And like I said, I was fourteen, so I got hard immediately. And he started, um.” 

Lucas’ heart was pounding. He could hear his pulse in his ears, feel it in his fingertips. 

“He started saying stuff like, ‘Excellent,’ and calling me, um... ‘nice little boy.’ And even then, I thought the ‘nice little boy’ thing was weird, but I just went along with it because I thought he was trying to make me more comfortable, I guess.” Lucas paused momentarily to deal silently with the flood of memories that were pouring back in. When he was ready, he continued. 

“He never touched himself. I think that’s another reason I believed him so much. He was very professional - wore gloves and everything and seemed like he was kind of prodding around at first, and even now, I think he actually was. But when it seemed like he’d finished with that, instead of stopping, he started jerking me off. And I reacted - I kind of sat up and looked at him like, ‘what the hell,’ you know? But he said he just needed to make sure that everything ‘worked.’” Lucas shook his head in disgust. 

“Of course, I didn’t last long at all, but he still seemed kind of happy. Pleased with me, I guess. But still very professional. After I finished, he threw his gloves away and made some notes on my chart - which I would love to read, by the way. I have no idea what he wrote. Um, but that was it. The only thing looking back that I realized was off was that he told me a couple times to stay quiet. He said it was because it was a pediatrician’s office and there were little kids around, but now...” 

Lucas fell silent. 

“Lucas, I am... so sorry,” Zakk said in a hushed tone. 

He chuckled emptily. “I’m not done. That was when I was fourteen. I stayed at that practice with that doctor until I turned eighteen.” 

“Oh, Lucas...” 

“By the end of it, I was kind of looking forward to going to my appointments, you know? Because I knew I’d be able to get off or whatever.” He scoffed. “Into a fucking tissue, just like my brother said.” Lucas blinked. “The doctor kept the tissues. I forgot...” 

“What?” Zakk asked, horror clear in his voice. 

“Yeah, he put them in little sample containers and wrote my name on them. Wow. I forgot all about that. I wonder what he did with those.” 

“Lucas,” Zakk whispered. 

He shook his head. “It’s fine. It was a long time ago. Anyway, senior year, I had to leave early one day to go see that doctor, and I told Chance during break that I was leaving. It was just me and him, and we were sitting at the football field like we always did, and I said something like, ‘I have a love/hate relationship with going to the doctor.’ And he asked why, so I said, ‘The part where they jerk you off is so good but so awkward.’ I’ll never forget the look on his face.”

Zakk let out a shaky breath. 

“He obviously knew that something was wrong, and for years, his reaction was the only solid clue I had that the discomfort I felt was justified. The doctor made so much sense when he explained it, you know? He made it feel necessary, and he re-explained it in full every time. It wasn’t until I was almost done with my undergrad degree that I figured it out. I was in a gen ed health class, and we were having a totally uncensored sex ed talk, and whoever was speaking talked about, like, what GPs do at an appointment as far as sexual health. Guys in the room were talking about their personal experiences with prostate exams and getting erections in front of nurses and stuff, and I almost raised my hand and said, ‘Well, my doctor jerked me off once or twice every year,’ but something stopped me, and I’m so glad it did.” 

Lucas looked in Zakk’s general direction. “Sometimes I think I always knew it was wrong, and sometimes I think I had no idea. Maybe it’s both.” He shrugged. “But that’s why I take the kids everywhere they need to go. I know I’m not in there with them, so I can’t see what’s happening, but I like to think that me being there gives me some control. Like maybe people who would hurt them otherwise won’t if they see me. And I hope that if something does happen, they’ll tell me, because I don’t want them to go through the confusion that I did-” 

His voice broke. Zakk immediately slid nearer to him but didn’t touch him. 

“I’m still confused,” Lucas confessed. “It’s been twenty years, and I still don’t really understand. I just - I wish that I had reported it to somebody who could have stopped it. Because when I think about all the other kids that he must have manipulated and lied to and hurt...” His teeth clenched. “I tried to find him online a couple years ago, and I couldn’t, which hopefully means that he got busted. I hope he lost his license.” 

“I hope he lost everything,” Zakk stated gravely.  

Finally, Lucas met Zakk’s eyes. They shared a long look in silence. 

“I’m sorry again for flipping out earlier,” Lucas said eventually. “I know I’ve been acting crazy for a long time, and I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I know I’ve been awful.” 

Zakk nodded. “Well, now I understand why it was happening, so I’m not mad. We’ll talk about it later and get through it, okay? I love you so much.” He tipped his head, his eyes filling with tears. “And I am so glad that you opened up to me. I’m so proud of you. Thank you, baby, I know that took a lot of strength.” 

Lucas tried to smile. 

“Can I hug you?” Zakk pleaded. 

“Only if I can hug you, too.” 

Zakk slid forward, holding Lucas tightly. Lucas gave him a gentle hug in return and shut his eyes. As Zakk began to quietly sob against Lucas’ chest, Lucas exhaled. 

“I’ve never said any of that out loud before,” he muttered, more to himself than to Zakk. Then he realized, “I’m so tired.” 

“Of course you are.” Zakk pulled back, sniffled, and set his hand on Lucas’ cheek. “Do you want to lie down?” 

He shook his head and leaned forward to rest on Zakk’s shoulder. “No, I want to stay here.” For some reason, the floor felt safe. Safer than lying down, which was what he’d been doing when- 

His grip on Zakk tightened, and Zakk’s tightened in response. Lucas was surprised by how much it helped. 

“Can someone talk to the kids about what’s normal at appointments and what’s not?” Lucas whispered. “I’ve thought about it for years, and I don’t want it to be one of us. I want it to be like a presentation.” 

“I think that’s an excellent idea.” Zakk kissed his hair. “Why don’t you let me figure out the logistics of that, hm?”

“No, I-” 

“Let me have a turn, please,” Zakk said calmly. “I’ll find somebody good, and I’ll run them by you before I book them.” 

“You’ll run them by me?” Lucas repeated, his exhaustion clear in his voice. 

“Yep. But I’ll find them and book them. Hey, maybe I’ll find two good people and you can help me choose between them.” 

“Okay,” Lucas whispered. 

“Okay.” 

“I love you.” 

Zakk held him even tighter. “Moon of my life,” he said quietly. 

“My sun and stars,” Lucas echoed. With a heavy breath out, he let himself close his eyes, but only for a moment. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧  Chapter 197

Peter brought his excitement with him all the way back to the Tower- which was a short drive considering Tony was behind the wheel. Better to be quick, too. While you could instruct Happy to take his time coming and going to pick up May, you only had a very small window to hash things out with Peter. ...and you really had no idea how to do that. 

First you texted Pepper on approach to start some paperwork going and then decided not to take him to your office. Which was fine. It seemed like Tony wanted to bring him to the labs anyway. His lab, specifically. The private one. Nestled in the back. No one around to listen in. And when Tony went to sit at his main worktable and started typing away on the lightup keyboard, you couldn’t help but ask. 

“So. ...does anyone else know? About you?” You really still had no idea what you were doing. How any of this was supposed to go. What you were supposed to do about it. The question of if you even should do anything about it had long since flown out the window. 

You’d brought Peter Parker back to Stark Tower. There was only moving forward from here. 

That twinkle of energy seemed to just die. In its place came a nervousness that you were starting to get familiar with from Peter. He was new to this. As green as they came. And scared. “No. No one.” He held his hand up. “No one can ever know.” Trying and perhaps failing to assert a little sway here. Trying to lay down the law.

Team Iron had just picked up Spider-Man and whisked him away to their secret labs. Maybe Peter Parker was realizing he may have actually been in trouble after all. 

Tony looked up from his computer. “Not even your adorable aunt?” 

A flurry of discomfort and terror packed tight in Peter’s chest. “No. She can’t- she cannot know about this.” 

You moved to sit on the edge of Tony’s desk. “Why not?”

Peter’s attention came back to you and he gave a little helpless shrug. “She just- she’d freak out. And when she freaks out, I freak out… just…” He sighed then. “How would I ever even tell her about this. Any of it? It’s… she just can’t know.” 

He had a good point. Still just a very young kid. Fourteen, actually, you’d found out from Tony’s nosy behaviors. He was too young to be going around fighting crime. Putting himself in danger every second of the day. He was right. If May found out about this she would freak out. And she’d have every right to do so. ...if he was your kid, you’d have felt the same way. 

“Did your powers just…” How to phrase this… “Did they just show up suddenly?” 

A small grin touched the corner of his mouth and he shook his head with a little breath out. “Uh- no. Not- well. Kind of but. They didn’t just appear.” He was trying to hold off. Trying to keep some secrets close to the vest. That was smart. But it also wasn’t very helpful to you right then. You’d wanted to know if he was a mutant. And as far as you knew, those powers activated through their… oh what was it… X-Gene or something… usually when they hit puberty. You’d thought that that might have been Peter’s case. And if it had been, maybe showing him around Xavier’s school might have been good for him. But that didn’t seem to be-

Your head went up sharply, and perhaps a little too telling was both boy’s in the room suddenly diverted their attention to you. You must have spooked them. “Please tell me you didn’t come into contact with anything… alien.” 

His head tipped questioningly to the side but after making a tight-lipped pout, “No. Nothing like that, either. ...why?” You finally gave him a shrug in return. “Just curious.” 

“You know what I think is really cool.” Tony broke up the conversation- thankfully- and pulled something out of a tray that suddenly lifted up from the center console. It was a small clear vial. Without warning he chucked it Peter’s way. “This webbing.” 

Without a second thought, Peter stuck his hand out to catch it firmly. So. Super strength. Super reflexes. What else was he hiding? Tony turned to look over at Peter. “The tensile strength is off the charts. Who manufactured that?” Ah. Yes, this had been something Tony was interested in. Figuring out who had been supplying Peter. 

There was just a flutter of pride but Peter’s expression and voice belayed any of that. “I did.” Sounding so… unconfident as he looked at Tony. Someone he looked up to was praising him- but not him. His work- but only because he thought it was made by somebody else. 

You tried to inject some lightness back into the conversation and let Peter own that confidence. “Tony was very impressed with it. Couldn’t stop talking about it.” 

While Tony cast a look up your way, Peter’s suddenly shy smile that he hid as he half turned away told the whole story. “I’m working on a new batch.” 

Tony folded his arms. “And crawling up the walls? How’re you doing that? Adhesive gloves?” 

This caved Peter in yet again and he shoved his hands in his pockets. “That’s- ...it’s just me.” 

They both regarded each other. The air was a little tense. Tony was… it was just short of an interrogation. A friendly one. But it was obvious what he was doing. “Got any tech in those blacked out ski goggles?” 

Peter was wearing a full on frown now. “No they just- they help me.” 

So. No tech- and from what you remembered when you were up close, they were pretty thick. You were careful as you asked, “Help you how?” 

His eyes went up and around and he turned completely, pacing slowly. “It’s just- ...when whatever happened happened- it’s like my senses have been dialed up to eleven.” He took a deep breath after this, like he’d expelled all his air after saying it frantically. Coming around the other way he at least was a little closer than before. “There’s just- there’s way too much input. So they kinda help me focus.” 

Sensory overload. You felt for him. Deeply. There were times, though they were few, that there was just too much going on in the world for you, too. It would take a little more than goggles to fix your problems, though. 

“So you created stuff to augment your powers in one way, and other stuff to help dim everything out. You’re pretty resourceful.” Complimenting him where he deserved it. You weren’t the most science-forward person there was. Perhaps stuff wasn’t doing its due diligence- 

But when Peter smiled again that was reward enough. It was nothing compared to the shine that took over him, though, when Tony said what he said next. 

“You’re in dire need of an upgrade. Systemic. Top to bottom.” He wheeled his hand around at Peter. “That’s why we’re here.” He then pushed a button on his keyboard rather loudly, and a hologram sprung to life in the center of the room. A new spider-suit. Information started peeling off and Peter was instantly drawn to all of it. 

He moved into the center of the room where it was, walking around it more than once. Reaching up. Touching it. Expanding text. Moving the suit around. 

It would have been nice to just let him have this moment of wonder but Tony interrupted. “Why are you doing this?” Both you and Peter looked at him suddenly. His focus was on the kid, though. “I gotta know. What’s your MO? What gets you out of bed in the morning?” 

Peter made a noise, trying to start some words up, but they died. He moved away from the image then, shunning it almost. Like he was scared to enjoy it for what it was. That it would be taken away any second when he gave the wrong answer to this question. So why bother getting his hopes up, right? 

Tony was being rather forward and abrasive with a lot of this, though you know he didn’t mean it. So. While you were there, you had to try and balance him out. “We said you weren’t in trouble and we meant it. But… you’ve gotta know that this life is dangerous. It’s not glamorous and it’s really not even fun. You and I both got into a serious scrape the other night. But something tells me you fixed your suit and went out the very next day. Am I right?” 

Peter moved to sit on a chair about an arm’s length away from you. Well. He dropped into it, more than sat. A sigh escaped him and then he nodded dully. “Yeah- yeah- but it’s- ...I just-” He was struggling trying to find the right words. Both you and Tony waited very patiently for him to decide what he wanted to say. And when he did, “...I’ve just. I’ve been me my whole life. And I’ve had these powers for three months. I… I read books. I build computers. And… yeah. I would love to play football. But I couldn’t then, so I shouldn’t now.” 

Tony was nodding. “Sure. Because you’re different.” A certain shade of blue took over Peter then. It was hopelessness-adjacent. He was drowning. And trying very hard not to. “Yeah. But I can’t tell anybody. So I’m not.” He should have been getting a sense of catharsis from this. It was hurting him, in a small way, to have all of this on his shoulders, to do what he could do, and not be able to tell anyone. 

But you and Tony were here now. Giving him a chance to let it out. Yet it didn’t seem to be helping. What was holding him up? 

Peter looked right at you. But when you caught sight of his gaze his head dropped and he sighed. “Just… when you can do the things that I can- ...but you don’t- and then the bad things happen… they happen because of you.” There was something so real and raw here. 

And it pinged something inside you and Tony equally. Peter Parker had the wisdom of someone who had lived about ten lifetimes. Yet he wasn’t even twenty. He’d just spoken a truth that haunted both you and Tony. ...daily, sometimes. 

It took you a moment to refocus on him. To put yourself aside. Inside his heart was beating double time in an anxious pain. Something deep and… terrible. He was holding on to something. And you felt whispers. He was not nuanced. He wasn’t quite like you or Tony or any adult at this stage of their life. Drifting from one event to the next and a champion of holding it all in until it hurt. 

No. Peter was hurting now. And he had been every single day since he’d gotten his powers. What was the connection? 

You didn’t know this kid. Maybe it wasn’t right to ask. But you just… couldn’t stand to sit there while he shredded himself apart. “Peter.” You made sure to keep your tone soft and level. “Did you drop the man who killed your uncle at the police station in Midtown?” 

Shock and a sure sense of fright ran right up Peter’s spine. Even Tony was looking at you nervously. 

Peter’s answer was firm. And fake. “I don’t wanna talk about that.” 

But he did. He wanted to let go of it. He needed to tell someone. He desperately wanted to put it somewhere, because he was getting tired of dragging it around now. You nodded. “Okay. We don’t have to talk about it.” 

Almost as if you’d gone against his wishes, he sprung up out of his chair, putting his back to you, walking a couple paces away. He shook his head. Tony looked at you, opened his mouth, but you held a hand up and he closed it again and remained silent. Trusting that you knew what you were doing. 

Truthfully you had no idea. 

But after a clutched noise in Peter’s throat, and a white-knuckled grip on the edge of a table, Peter broke. And that shadow that had been tied around his throat was just about to come loose. So with only the barest of gentle guidance you unwound it for him. 

“I- I did. I found him. And I…” He was shivering. It was too much for you to sit there any longer and just watch him. So you stood and came to his side. He didn’t look up. 

Not even as you laid a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, Peter.” 

“It is not okay!” This was about as explosive as he’d ever been and as explosive as he could get. Somehow you knew this. “I… my uncle- ...Ben. It’s- it’s my fault that he died.” 

This you were not expecting. You were expecting a kid with new powers who had been looking out for revenge. But Peter looking for forgiveness? To make right a wrong that he thought he’d done? “I’m sure that’s not true.” 

“It is true. I was- he was waiting for me. And I was…” He scoffed and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is he was waiting for me and because of that he-” 

Because of that he got caught by some robber on the street? Because of that he had been murdered? 

You were five seconds away from trying to console this poor child. But he surprised you when he continued. “I wanted to. I- ...I wanted to- but I didn’t-” You knew what Peter was saying without saying. He’d wanted to kill the man responsible. “For a moment I- ...but I didn’t. Because I couldn’t- and I- …” 

With a firmer grip on his shoulder, you tried to turn him to face you. Strangely he offered no resistance but was now drowning in a sea of guilt and shame and- “Peter. Listen to me.” You tried to hush all the interference. His trembling stopped, at least. And you waited. Waited for him to find the courage to look at you. When he did, “It’s good that you didn’t, Peter.” Not speaking the word into existence. Not having to. 

Just letting him know. It was okay not to kill the man that killed his uncle. 

His lips pressed together. He wanted desperately to believe this. Wanted to be done feeling that way. But he also felt like he didn’t deserve it. 

Instead of making him struggle through telling you that- a stranger who had just offered her help and practically her home for no reason- you continued. Well- maybe a little more than a stranger. One of his favorite and most trusted superheroes- a public figure who had spent a lot of time on optics of being good. And doing good. That probably helped your case, helped him to believe you when you said- “It’s good that you didn’t. You did the right thing. Your uncle wouldn’t have wanted that. And taking a life- it’s something you never get over. It breaks a piece of you. It’s good that you handed him over to the police. That was the right thing to do.” Reiterating it for him. Just so that he would be able to believe it. “It takes a lot of strength and a lot of willpower to face someone who has wronged you so deeply and not let that take control of you. You are incredibly strong, Peter.” 

He was staring at you. Openly. Waiting for the world. Waiting for the thing that would make it okay. That would make all the pieces click. He wanted it. But he’d been drowning in too much guilt to just be able to take this at face value. 

So… 

“Peter. When I was not that much older than you… I killed my college professor.” A sure strike of surprise and fear lashed across Tony. It registered in your awareness, but you kept your focus on Peter. He also seemed pretty stunned. ...but not frightened. He was suddenly hanging on your every word. “He violated someone I cared about. And I… I killed him. It was the wrong thing to do. I wish I hadn’t done it. I think about it a lot. About how I’d have done it differently. About what else I could have done. How things might be different now if I had. No one else knows that. Just Tony. So believe me when I tell you- you did the right thing.” 

He wouldn’t have to spend sleepless nights wondering what other routes he could have taken. He didn’t have to wonder for the rest of his life what repercussions that had had. He wouldn’t have to clear away the image of someone dying beneath his hand. He was a good kid. And he’d made the right decision. 

You had to hope he’d make another one now. And hold on to this secret for you. 

Finally his eyes fell and you thought for a moment you’d lost this moment. That he wasn’t going to be able to move on from this or come to terms with it. But- 

Then he nodded. And the gears started turning. Like he’d just realized something. Something important. And you were partly sure that you were not the reason, but maybe the catalyst. 

It was too much to ask to vocalize any of this. ...in this instance you were glad to be who you were. Getting that peek behind the curtain was very helpful right now. But as he looked up again, there was little room for interpretation in the gaze he was giving you. In it there was a sure sense of hope. But most of all… Gratitude.

[getalittleclosey]

under 100k larry fic recs

hi! i’m becca and i read...so much fic. these rec lists are an accumulation of fic that i’ve read or reread and extra loved from 2016-now. there’s a wide range of stuff here and i think there’s definitely something for everyone!! i divided them up by length so you can check out all those categories below!

please make sure to read tags and warnings on all these fics!! the only things i think i can guarantee is that these are all larry, there’s no non-con, no age play, no eating disorders, no mentions of bg, they end happy, and they’re mostly aus. oh and they’re all on ao3 and some are locked so you’ll need an account! anyway i hope y’all enjoy!!!

under 5k

under 10k

under 25k

under 50k

100k+

☆ somethin’ bout you by missandrogyny 60k

Of all the government agents in the world, Louis had to go and land the most charming one.

☆ tug-of-war by cherrystreet 63k

Louis' husband dies suddenly and he is left with nothing. Well, not really nothing. He has Harry. And a St. Bernard puppy named Link, whom his late husband left behind for him. Louis takes care of Link and Harry takes care of Louis. Everything is okay until suddenly, it isn't.

☆ cameras flashing by juliusschmidt 82k

With his breakout single platinum three times over and his second album still selling out in stores around the world, Louis Tomlinson has made it to the top. However, his position as Pop Heartthrob of the Decade is threatened by the edgier, more artistic Zayn, who happens to be releasing an album a week after Louis’ upcoming third. Louis needs something groundbreaking- scandalous, even- to push past him in the charts. Much to Louis’ dismay, his PR team calls in The Sexpert.

Consulting with PR firm Shady, Lane and Associates pays the bills so that Harry Styles can spend his down time doing what he really loves: poring over data. On weekends and late into the evenings, he researches gender, presentation, and sexual orientation, analysing the longitudinal study that is his father’s life’s work. That is, until his newest client, the popstar with the fascinating secret, drags him off his couch and frighteningly close to the spotlight.

As the album’s release date approaches, will Tomlinson and Styles be able to pull off the most risky PR scheme of the millennium and beat Zayn in sales or will the heat of their feelings for each other compromise everything?

☆ home to you by crowsonthewire 54k

“If someone wrote that for me I’d probably be a crying mess before it was even over. I’m crying a little right now actually.”

It’s about you, Harry’s brain screamed. I wrote it about you.

Gemma appeared in the doorway then and dragged Louis away. With one winking smile he was gone. Harry curled up and stuffed his face into his duvet so he could cry with no one hearing.

**** At fifteen, Harry wrote his first song for an oblivious seventeen year old Louis Tomlinson. Ten years later he’s a singer/songwriter who cant find any words for his second album and Louis is a closeted actor tired of LA.

They both try to run from the things weighing them down and in the process, they find each other.

☆ fate don’t know you by sincewewereeighteen 99k

“Just. How bad is it?”

Zayn sighs. Shit.

“Not that bad, really,” he says quickly as he scans Louis’ face. “It depends, really. The freshmen are all right and I think you’ll manage just fine with the sophomores.”

“But?”

“Seniors are always shit because they think they rule the school, and this specific class of juniors… Well, let’s say you’ll find a real troublemaker there. Some say he used to be a soft kid, but- I don’t know. Most teachers just leave him alone.” Zayn shrugs. “He walks around with a tough crowd. Guess no one wants to take their chances with him. This is Chicago after all.”

“D’you know the name of the kid?” Louis asks, already very curious to meet said person.

“His name is Harry Styles.” The other man responds. “You’re in for a treat with this one.”

[Or: The one in which Louis always hears thunder when Harry speaks and sees lightning when he glances at him.]

note: this is student/teacher so if that makes you uncomfortable please skip! harry’s 17 but he is still a student so power unbalance and all that but from what i remember it was tastefully done. just like....don’t do that irl obv jfkdaj

☆ like an endless summer by objectlesson 87k

“You just wanna go fawn over Styles as soon as possible,” Zayn grumbles.

“I do not. Plus, he probably got ugly this year. Eighteen is an awkward time...I bet he’s got acne and one of those terrible fuckboy haircuts all the hipsters are getting these days, with the shaved sides? Just watch, the first year we’re gonna get any time together is gonna be the first year I don’t have a stupid crush on him.”

---

Or, Louis is a riding instructor at a summer camp, and Harry is a fellow counselor who he’s been successfully managing his crush on for the last two summers. That is, until Harry shows up this year leveled up and lethal, and all Louis’s formerly perfected veneer of nonchalance melts like a popsicle in the sun.

note: there’s a second part to this that’s 6k of pwp

☆ back to how it was by lululawrence 53k

Harry carefully stood up and was on his way to the window to look outside when he ran his hand through his hair, and it stopped entirely too soon.

He froze then began fervently patting all over his head. Where was his hair? He’d been growing it out for a couple of years now and it was finally almost to the length he’d had as a goal the entire time. How could it have gotten cut off overnight?

Harry rushed over to the mirror hung on the wall adjacent to the window.

Oh shit. What the hell was happening? Harry leaned closer and saw that not only was his hair cropped shorter than he’d ever wanted to go again, but it looked like he had the beginning of crow’s feet by his eyes. Those definitely weren’t there yesterday! And what happened to his tattoos? He still had some of them, like the star and the letters he’d gotten for his mum and Gemma, but most of the rest were missing and there were a few he’d never seen before instead.

What. The. Fuck.

Or the one where Harry goes to bed angry with his bandmates and wakes up in a universe where One Direction was never formed and he has to find a way back home. Home definitely has nothing to do with his best friend and bandmate, Louis. That would be ridiculous.

note: there’s a second part to this that’s 24k!

☆ when we were younger by dinosaursmate 76k

About a week after Harry started visiting this particular chat room, he was watching some kid argue with the whole room about football, personally disinterested as he tipped a bag of crisps into his mouth. He happily chomped on the crumbs, taking a swig from a glass of Ribena to wash them down, glancing at the screen and very nearly spat the squash back out again. His heart was pounding wildly. The display icon of the argumentative newcomer had caught his eye, and not in a good way. He gulped as he clicked the picture, and when it popped up in full resolution, his heart nearly fell right out of his arse. - Sixteen year old Harry Styles’ world turns upside down when he logs on to gay teen chat to discover somebody has stolen his photos and used them as their own.

note: there’s a second part that’s 3k ziam centric

extra note: you don’t want to know how many episodes of catfish i’ve seen

☆ like cabbages and kings by you_explode 61k

When Louis was a kid, he had a series of very vivid dreams about a place called Wonderland. There were rabbits wearing waistcoats and talking cats and ridiculous tea parties, and amidst all the absurdity, there was a boy. A boy with dimples, big green eyes and the sweetest soul Louis has ever known. Louis has always kept a place in his heart for that boy and for his funny dreamworld, and when he’s twenty-five and his life falls apart, it turns out Wonderland might not be so imaginary after all.

☆ knives don’t have your back by turnyourankle 51k

The lone survivor of an on campus massacre that claimed the lives of his four housemates, Harry is urged to take a sabbatical or transfer. Instead, he chooses to stay in school, move into the dorms, and overcome his fears.

He finds comfort in a budding friendship with Louis, an upperclassman who lives on his floor, not realizing that their relationship will bring him closer to his traumatizing past rather than further from it.

☆ loving you is free by littlelouishiccups 68k

Louis is a workaholic record label CEO who hasn't been on a date in nearly a year. Niall and Liam make an account for him on a sugar dating website as a joke. And then Louis meets Harry.

note: there are two other parts to this that are pretty much pwp. they’re 24k and 4k

☆  dance to the distortion by lis (domesticharry) 93k

Louis accidentally breaks Harry's camera lens and in order to get it fixed, they decide to participate in a romantic couples study. The only issue is that they are not actually couple. Well that and the fact they cannot stand each other.

☆ waiting on you by emma1234 77k

“Vampires,” Louis says with disgust, glaring over at the vampire who is noisily slurping from the woman’s neck nearby.

Zayn gives the neat fang marks on Louis’ neck a meaningful look.

“Can’t live with them, can’t live without them,” Louis finishes, ignoring Zayn when he rolls his eyes.

Louis takes a long sip of his milkshake, presses his fingers against the marks on his neck, and definitely doesn’t think about the vampire who left them there.

note: there’s a second part to this that’s 5k

☆ this wicked game by cherrystreet 70k

An AU in which The Bachelor is gay, Louis is a contestant, Harry is the bachelor, everyone drinks a lot of champagne, the entire world gets to watch them fall in love, and no one plays by the rules.

note: i’ve seen maybe five episodes of the bachelor in my life and hated it but i have read every larry bachelor fic 

☆ coax the cold by mediawhore 86k

England, 1897.

English Professor Louis Tomlinson’s passion for the occult has been a source of mockery and derision for most of his life. When he hears whispers of a travelling freak show newly established in London claiming the existence of a monstrous sea hybrid, half-man, half-fish, Louis sees it as his ticket to credibility amongst his peers. The summer he spends undercover working on the show, however, gives him much more than that.

☆ this feeling by orphan_account 59k

"Gonna play it back for you now." Louis clicked play and the song flooded through Harry’s headphones.

The sound of each others voices united into one, and the rhythm of the music carried their voices effortlessly. Harry’s insides tingled and a wave of shivers rolled down his spine.

Before the clip cut off, Harry turned to raise an eyebrow at Louis, and failed miserably at disguising his smile. Louis stared back at him in shock.

Or A Larry Duet AU

☆ love’s on the line, is that your final answer? by pearlydewdrops 53k

Harry can’t believe it when Louis, the boy he’s always had a tempestuous rivalry with, asks him to be his boyfriend. Well, pose as his boyfriend, that is—for a new television game show in which young couples are quizzed on how well they know each other for a jackpot of thirty grand.

Reluctantly, Harry agrees—because he's got student loans to pay off, hasn't he? What's the harm? And he can totally deal with keeping his secret thing for Louis under wraps too. This is all just to win some money. It's fine. No big deal. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, everything. Obviously.

☆ say your prayers by nothing_but 59k

Louis was left wondering what the fuck this encounter had been. Coming to this camp - especially after learning that it was a religious one - he had never expected to find himself in a bathroom with the attractive, strictly Catholic, not-gay-or-anything head counsellor making flirty remarks. Quite the opposite, to be honest.

Or the one where Harry, head counsellor at a Catholic summer camp, dedicates his time to what he loves most, year after year. It’s mostly the same every summer; the place, the topics, the games. This year, however, there’s a new assistant counsellor stumbling into his camp, and possibly his heart.

☆ i’ll crash until you notice me by stylinsoncity 61k

Louis sets off to Barbados to oversee the massive resort his family owns known as Sandy Hill. For years, he's been looking for a change in the monotony of his life, seeking adventure and perhaps love too. What he doesn't expect is the bright eyed boy who spills a milkshake on his shoes.

Cue the summer loving.

note: zendaya is listed as a character in this which desperately makes me want to reread it because i don’t remember that!!!

☆ nothing but you on my mind by nonsensedarling 84k

Louis Tomlinson is a PR manager hired to improve the image of royal bad-boy Prince Harry Styles. Unfortunately for him, that means being faced with the Prince's constant innuendos, incessant dirty jokes, and relentless flirting. Louis just wants to make it to Princess Gemma's coronation; once she's crowned Queen, his contract is up and he never has to see the Prince again.

☆ ghost note symphony by whoknows 96k

Louis is on tour when he first hears about it. It’s all over the news – Harry Styles Attacked By Fan runs in headlines for days. It’s not even just the gossip rags, either. Actual journalists are covering the story. It would have been impossible to avoid hearing about it. Technically, Oli is the one who tells Louis about it, but it’s not exactly being covered up. Harry doesn’t answer Louis’ text asking if he’s alright, but that’s not really surprising. They haven’t spoken for months, and it’s been a lot longer than that since they’ve had a real conversation. The sting of the text going unanswered is still there, less painful than it might have been a few years ago.

It’s not that it’s easy to forget about, exactly. Louis has a whole life outside of One Direction now, though. So Louis goes on with his life, figuring that if Harry was seriously hurt he would have heard about it by now. He might currently be in the same country as Harry, but being on opposite sides of it puts enough distance between them that putting it in the back of his mind is easy. There’s nothing Louis could do, even if he thought Harry might want him to.

That’s why everything that happens next comes as a complete shock to him.

☆ thinking about the t-shirt you sleep in by nonsense_darling 52k

Harry's alpha fraternity donates to a local thrift shop (because of Liam's latent crush on a cute beta in his lecture). Louis' financial situation (and confusing omega instincts) lead him to make some interesting fashion purchases. Lots of pizza, feelings, and not-really-lying.   

☆ here in the afterglow by fondleeds 89k

“If you hadn’t noticed, I don’t have many friends,” Louis whispers, the blossom of insecurity in his stomach unfurling and clawing its way into his throat.

Harry is silent for a long time, and then he speaks; a soft, slow uncurl that makes Louis’ stomach shake. “I’ll be your friend.”

-

1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

note: i can’t believe i waited until 2020 to read this...it was life changing tbh and i cried

☆ just call me inspiration by hereforlou 52k

The truth is Louis knows he’s going to hell, if there is such a thing, but it isn’t because he writes erotic fiction for a living. If anything, it’s because his muse, the reason he’s inspired to write about people shagging in increasingly creative ways everyday, is the sweetest, loveliest, most genuine (and completely oblivious) future children-book illustrator in the world.

(Or, the one where Louis is a writer, Harry is an art student, and they inspire each other in very different ways.)

☆ truly, madly, deeply (10 things i hate about you) by sunsetmog 54k

The first Louis had heard of Harry auditioning for X Factor was the night he'd turned up on Louis' doorstep the day before leaving for Boot Camp, with a DVD and an illicit bottle of vodka.

Thing was, Louis hated secrets, and he really hated being made a fool of, and he really, really hated Harry Styles.

or: the one in which they're all in sixth form together, and Harry auditions for X Factor without them.

note: this has always been a fav

☆ the impossible now by stylinsoncity 65k

A wish on Christmas Eve sends Louis to an alternate dimension where Harry is a member of One Direction.

☆ swallow the knife by whoknows 76k

“You came,” Louis says, still breathless, clinging to Harry, uncaring that his sweat is getting all over Harry’s presumably clean dad shirt, or that he’s making Harry hold up all of his weight.

“Of course I came,” Harry says. He shifts, one arm curled underneath Louis’ arse, the other spreading wide in the middle of Louis’ back. “If I ignored you every time you pissed me off we would have stopped being friends a long time ago.”

Louis already knows that, of course. It doesn’t do anything to stop the pleased squirm in his belly every time Harry proves it, though. They fight like nobody’s business, both of them too stubborn to pull their punches when they’re arguing, and it used to get them in trouble, but they always make up.

Adrenaline makes Louis loose-lipped, and they both know it. He tightens his arms around Harry’s neck, buries his face in his hair. “I missed you,” he confesses, quiet. “Doesn’t feel the same up there by myself.”

note: i don’t even normally like non-aus but i have read this fic five times in the last nine months so. there’s that. 

extra note: there’s an 11k alternate sex scene here

☆ perfect storm by cherrystreet 80k

What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding.

Harry and Louis choose the latter.

☆ anyplace, anyhow, anytime by aimmyarrowshigh, colazitron 81k

Harry's going to audition for The X-Factor in a few days, he really can't use this persistent tickle in his throat. What's even worse is when the tickle turns into a full blown cough, and the cough makes him pass out only for Harry to wake up in a different world. And then another one, and another one, and another one. The only other person who seems to be as affected as he is, is a boy with blue eyes who keeps showing up in every single one of these worlds.

note: i reread all of aimmyarrowhigh’s larry fics this year including the 500k or whatever sheylinson verse and i thought about putting them all in here but like...felt excessive & i figured i’d give attention to a less well known one, plus this way we get colazitron too! 

☆ the second hand unwinds by kingsofeverything (fullonlarry) 52k

Louis Tomlinson is one of the first members of NASA's top secret Chrono Exploration Program. When things go wrong and he's sent further back in time than planned, he has no other option than to show up on his ex-boyfriend's doorstep.

☆ waiting for the tides to meet by nauticalleeds (metamorphosis) 60k

Louis lets out a deep breath, thinking about Harry’s soulmate. Thinking about how Harry’s soulmate is probably as beautiful as Harry, some person that Louis cannot compare to, and how the universe has chosen them to be Harry’s. Fuck the universe. “Fuck you,” he calls out to the universe. He’s aware of how crazy he sounds.

Maybe he is crazy, with how he’s falling for Harry. And fuck that, too.

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

Featuring a lovely cup of OT5, a road trip down the coast, and a scene where Harry eats a whole head of lettuce. Don't ask why.

☆ keep my candle bright by whisperdlullaby 79k

louis returns to his hometown after four years to find that the reverend’s son has done some growing up of his own.

☆ strawberries & cigarettes by dimpled_halo 77k

Harry looks up and immediately freezes. Next to Ms. Archie stands the boy from just the other day. The boy with the leather jacket and chipped black nails, that might or might not be sketched in the very book Harry has just placed on the table in front of him. The leather jacket is missing today, probably because they aren’t allowed as part of their required uniform attire, but Harry can still see the fading black nail polish on his nails, and eyeliner around his eyes. Harry’s mouth goes a little dry. This boy is so intriguing to him.

“Ye-yes, Ms. Archie?” Harry tries to play it cool, but he’s almost positive that his cheeks are burning red, and he’s relieved neither of them can tell how fast his heart is beating in his chest.

The boy seems to also recognize Harry, because his lips curve into a knowing smirk.

“Harry is at the top of his class. He’s your best bet at getting familiar with things around here.” She explains.

Louis nods, his smirk still very prominent on his face. “Thank you Ms. Archie. I’ll be sure to take advantage of young Harold here.”

*

Summary: Two stories, eleven years, and the two boys that never stopped loving each other.

[lilacmoon83]

Lightning in a Bottle

Also on Fanfiction.net and A03

Chapter 25: Point of No Return, Pt 1

Emma and Killian arrived at Felix's apartment and found it fairly normal. Not dirty, but a bit cluttered and lived in. There was the collection of newspaper articles on his kitchen table that got their attention though.

"Obituaries?" Killian asked.

"He said that people were dying before he jumped. For some reason, I think he thought he was causing people to die," Emma replied.

"These seem like accidents though. This woman was electrocuted by a stray power line that fell during a storm," he said.

"That's horrible and gruesome. This guy had a heart attack," she said, confused by all of that.

"Why would he think he killed them?" she asked.

"Dunno...but I think we have to chalk this one up to the fact that perhaps he was disturbed. I think you know better than anyone how hard adjusting to coming back to a world that...moved on," he replied, as they shared a look.

"Yeah…" she agreed, but then something in the articles caught her eye.

"Unless...there is more to this, after all," she said, as she pointed to the woman's shirt.

"The Rabbit Hole?" he asked.

"She was an employee at the Rabbit Hole bar and this guy had his heart attack in the same bar," she realized, as she compared the articles.

"That is a pretty freaky coincidence...but what connection to our victim does this place have?" he asked. Emma picked up the matchbook on the table and showed it to him.

"Seems he was a customer too," she said, as he took it from her.

"Now that is definitely worth checking out," he agreed, as they quickly left the man's abandoned apartment.

~*~

After about an hour of delving into the raw data, David was still trying to make sense of it all. But he was sure he was onto something when he encountered what looked to be medical data. If they were experimenting on the missing passengers, then there would be medical data. He picked up his cell phone and dialed a number, while making sure no one was near.

"Glinda...this is David Nolan," he said.

"Hello David," she answered.

"Listen...I found my way into the data information for the Singularity Project and I'm seeing a lot of medical data...and also some electrical readouts. Does that make any sense to you?" he asked.

"Electrical readouts?" she asked.

"Yes...does that mean anything?" he asked.

"It means they're using my research to try to duplicate the Callings. Electrical impulses to stimulate the brain and produce the Callings," she realized.

"So they can control and weaponize them," he said.

"Most likely," she answered.

"Thanks…I'll get back to you soon," David said, as he hung up the phone and peered up over his cubicle and into his boss' office. He looked a bit stressed, like he was on a deadline or something. Probably too much internet surfing and not enough working. This guy was easier to play than a fiddle. There was only one way to find any locations now.

"Hey...I'm finished if there's anything I can take off your plate," David said, as Doc looked up at him and then at the stack of folders on his desk that seemed to make him nervous.

"Yeah...those you need a higher clearance to enter into the system," Doc said, as he rushed around his office.

"Sorry…I'm running late for a board meeting and was supposed to have all this done," he said.

"Well…if you give me access, I could run an algorithm to get this all entered in a snap. It'd be done by the time you get down to corporate," he offered. Doc paused and looked at him for a moment. He sighed then and gave him his access badge.

"I'm counting on you, Nolan," he said, as he hurried out of his office. David smirked.

"Don't worry...you'll get your algorithm and I'll get the locations I need," David muttered.

~*~

Emma and Killian walked into the Rabbit Hole and approached the bar.

"Can I help you?" the man behind the bar asked. He had an accent, similar to Killian's.

"NYPD...we're here to ask you a few questions about a patron that frequents your establishment," Killian replied, as he flashed his badge.

"Of course...I have quite a few regulars and I'll help if I can. I'm Will Scarlet," he replied.

"Do recognize him?" Emma asked, as she showed him a photo on her phone.

"Oh, that's Felix...he's in here a lot. A bit of a celebrity now. Talked a lot about the plane and how he knew it was going to crash," Will replied.

"Really? Was he always paranoid?" he asked.

"Well...he's always been a bit maladjusted, even before the plane. But when he came back...his paranoia went from the normal nine to off the charts. Started saying that people were dying around him," Will replied.

"Well...he might have been right. Can you tell us about these two," Emma said, as she showed him the newspaper clippings.

"Oh yeah...Amara, that was a horrible accident. She was one of my best bartenders," he said.

"And this man?" Killian asked.

"Oh yeah, Tucker...he had a heart attack right here. I wasn't here, but the paramedics couldn't revive him. Wait...you don't think Felix had anything to do with these deaths, do you?" he asked.

"No…we're just investigating any connections," Emma replied.

"Connections to what?" Will asked.

"I am afraid that Felix committed suicide earlier today. We're just trying to get a grasp of his life," Killian replied.

"He's dead?" Will asked.

"I'm afraid so," Emma replied.

"Bloody hell...that's tragic. He was a very troubled guy though," Will said. Killian nodded.

"Thanks for your help," he said, as they exited the building.

"Sounds like Felix was paranoid and thought the deaths that happened here were his fault," Killian said.

"Or he was having Callings," Emma replied. Killian looked skeptical at that.

"Or maybe this is just all unfortunate coincidence," he reasoned. She rolled her eyes.

"Nothing since I've been back has been coincidence," she replied, as they headed for the car. As they did, a thought struck her. What if that was it? He had been talking about the plane. What if he had told these people about the Callings? If that was true...she realized that both Killian and Margaret could be in danger.

~*~

"I got your call...I'm assuming you found something," Vance said. He looked irritated at being summoned and Gold seemed to be unbothered, as usual.

"I looked through the raw data and found a lot of medical jargon and electrical data. So I called another passenger. Glinda Good," David explained.

"You involved someone else?" Vance hissed.

"Relax...Glinda thinks that whoever has the passengers may be trying to duplicate her research. She is being funded by the Singularity project. She thinks they might be hijacking her research, especially now," David said.

"Why now?" he asked.

"I told her about the electrical data and medical jargon. She thinks they are using her research to experiment on the passengers," David replied.

"Even if they are...this doesn't help us much," Vance said.

"Except that I managed to find a few locations that are being leased by UDS with Singularity as the subsidiary," David said. Gold smirked, as Vance suddenly looked impressed.

"How did you get that information?" he asked.

"My boss is an idiot and spends more time on his fantasy football lineup than doing any work. So I offered to help him out and he gave me his security badge," David replied.

"That is a stupid boss," Gold agreed. Vance sighed.

"We still need more...I can't get a warrant to search this many places on what we have. Plus...this is a lot of ground to cover. We need to get it narrowed down," he said, as thought for a moment.

"Do you think Ms. Good would agree to meet with her funders and wear a wire?" Vance questioned.

"She said she wanted to help in any way she can. I'll call her," David replied, as he dialed her.

"I told you that he was the one...he's the hero in this story," Gold said.

"Shut up," Vance replied irritably, as Gold continued to smirk.

~*~

Olive looked over at her mother, as she looked through the mail. She was trying to act like she was okay, but Olive could tell she was really bothered by that reporter.

"Mom...are you okay?" Olive asked.

"I'm fine, sweetie," Margaret replied. The teen rolled her eyes.

"What's with the eye roll?" she asked.

"Because we both know you're not okay," Olive replied.

"Not okay?" David asked, as he arrived home at that moment.

"No…I'm fine. Really," Margaret replied.

"That reporter that came to her classroom the other day tracked us down at school," Olive told her father.

"Tattle tale…" Margaret muttered.

"Is he following you?" David asked, with an edge in his voice.

"I already warned him that if he didn't leave us alone that my sister-in-law, the cop, would file a restraining order," she promised.

"Who is this guy?" David asked and Olive pulled up a photo on her phone.

"Sidney Glass…" he said, as he started for the door.

"David...wait!" she called, as she ran after him.

"Baby…I'm okay and you just got home and I don't want you to go," she pleaded, as she blocked his path.

"If there is someone stalking my wife...it's something I need to take care of," he said. But she shook her head.

"I warned him and I think he got the message," she said. He sighed.

"I'm going to text this guy's photo to Emma. I think we should file that restraining order anyway," he replied.

"Okay...but I don't want you confronting this man. He's a reporter and you know he'll just write some hit piece if you confront him," she warned. He sighed.

"Which might be exactly what he wants. People are just itching to paint the passengers as dangerous," he realized. She nodded and they hugged, as she rested her head against his chest.

"I get this feeling that they want to take you away from me somehow," she confessed, as she looked into his eyes.

"They're not going to take me," he promised.

"But me going off on some reporter probably won't paint a picture of sanity...even if I really want to punch this guy right now," he added. She smiled.

"I'm fine...I promise. It just freaked me out for a minute, but he's not worth it," she said.

"You're right...maybe we both need a little break," he replied.

"You guys should go out...the kid and I'll be fine," Olive suggested, as she headed upstairs. He looked back at his wife.

"What do you say? Date night? And this time a real one and not going to some conference," he said. She smiled.

"That sounds wonderful," she agreed.

~*~

Glinda smiled, as she was led into the doctor's office. She had only met him a few times and he was one of the lead doctor's heading up many projects. If he really was involved in something shady, especially if he was using her research, she definitely wanted to expose him.

"Dr. Goode...it's a pleasure," he said.

"Thank you, Dr. Jenkins and thank you for seeing me on such short notice," she replied.

"Of course...your research is fascinating and you said that you needed to discuss some of the schematics?" he asked.

"Yes…I have been going over my experience on the plane, as you know and would like to propose a few things," she replied, as she quietly slipped her hand beneath the desk and planted the bug for Vance.

"So...what did you want to discuss exactly?" the bespectacled doctor asked, just as his colleague barged in.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we have an urgent matter to tend to," the man said.

"Ah...I'm afraid I will have to reschedule this meeting, Ms. Goode. Please forgive me," he said, as she rose from her seat.

"Completely understandable, doctor. Have your office call mine," she said, as she made a hasty exit.

"What is it?" Jenkins snapped.

"I think there's been a breach. Someone has been rifling through our data," the assistant reported. Jenkins fumed.

"We cannot afford anymore delays. We have already moved the project to Brooklyn. Another move will lose us weeks more!" he ranted.

"We are close...perhaps we begin again and get the results we need," the assistant suggested.

"Yes...we don't have much choice. Let's proceed, but I want to know where that breach came from," he ordered, as they exited his office.

~*~

"Brooklyn…" Gold said, as he and Vance listened to the audio from the bug that had been planted.

"That's still a lot of ground to cover," he said, as he pressed a button and his assistant walked in.

"I need you to run a search on any facilities registered to the Singularity Project in Brooklyn and expedite it," he said.

"Has it been assigned a case number?" the agent asked. If the military was involved in this...then Vance wanted them to be kept in the dark about his probing.

"I'll take care of that part. Just get me a list asap," he said, as she left.

"Perhaps Mr. Nolan can narrow his search. His boss is a bit dim. I'm sure swiping his badge again wouldn't be so hard," Gold suggested.

"No...they already know there is a breach. It's not going to take them long to trace it back to the UDS accounting firm. He goes in again and he gets caught. Not even I can keep him out of prison for corporate espionage," Vance said.

"Then we had better warn him or he'll do it anyway," Gold replied.

"Now that I agree with. We'll ping his phone and make a surprise visit," he said, as they left the office, but not before his assistant had that list for him.

~*~

She chuckled, as they trekked hand in hand through the park.

"Are you sure this is okay?" he asked.

"Of course it is...Chinese takeout in our favorite park with my husband is much more romantic than some stuffy, fancy restaurant," she replied. They were both dressed up and they had intended to go to a fancy Italian restaurant. However, once they arrived and were waiting for a table, he was attracting a lot of unwanted attention and stares. It was suffocating, so when she suggested a picnic in the car, they had picked up some takeout and enjoyed it together in the car with some music. To be honest, it was better than any restaurant, as far as they were concerned. And now, they were taking a moonlit walk in their favorite park.

"I know, but a husband should be able to take his wife to a nice restaurant without attracting attention," he said.

"It will fade over time. Besides, you know I don't care where we go as long as we're together," she said, as she kissed him tenderly. Unfortunately, they could hear someone approaching and their lips parted.

"Wonderful…" he muttered, as he saw Gold and Vance coming toward them.

"Sorry to interrupt your evening," Vance said.

"Not sorry enough not to do it," David retorted, earning him a nudge from his wife.

"Director Vance...Mr. Gold," she greeted politely.

"Mrs. Nolan...we do apologize for the interruption, but Ms. Goode has come through for us," Vance replied.

"She planted the bug?" David asked with interest. He nodded.

"And they let it slip that they moved the project to Brooklyn," Vance replied.

"That's certainly progress," Margaret said.

"Indeed. We have seven locations tied to UDS in the area. Still too many to search on foot, but it's definitely narrowed it down," Vance replied.

"And if I can get into their files one more time...I might be able to narrow it down even more," David said.

"No...that's too risky. Not even I can help you if you're caught for corporate espionage. They know their data has been searched. They'll eventually figure it out and trace it back to your boss," Vance warned.

"Then how do you suggest we find out which facility is holding the missing passengers?" David asked.

"We've got the bug planted and we'll be listening in," Vance replied.

"Fine...but you better keep us in the loop. Our son's life is in danger here," David said sternly.

"Not to worry, Mr. Nolan...we'll be in touch," Gold assured them, as they left. He sighed and put his arm around her.

"Some date night, huh?" he asked. She kissed his cheek.

"It was still perfect, handsome. Let's get some ice cream and take it home to the kids," she replied. He smiled.

"Yeah...that does sound perfect," he agreed, as they walked back to their car.

[problematicwelshman]

Michael Sheen on Good Omens, sex scenes, and why Brexit led to his break-up

28 NOVEMBER 2018 • 4:18PM

Michael Sheen may be 49, and sporting a grey beard these days, but mention Martians and the actor reverts to a breathless, giddy teenager.

It all stems back to one evening when Sheen was about 12 years old. “It was a significant moment in my life,” he tells me over coffee in a London hotel. “My cousin Hugh was babysitting, and he put on Jeff Wayne’s War of the Worlds.

“I remember us lying there, listening in bed in the dark. It absolutely terrified me, but I got obsessed with it. I’m worryingly into it. I know every single note, every word.”

Wayne’s 1978 rock opera has had a similar effect on countless fans, even if it prompts a bemused shrug from non-converts. Without ever topping the charts, it has slowly become one of the best-selling British albums of all time, and this Friday begins a stadium tour featuring a 35-foot fire-breathing Martian and a 3D hologram of Liam Neeson. It’s a geeky novelty, but one of epic proportions.

When Wayne asked Sheen if he would star in a new radio drama-style version for the album’s 40th anniversary, alongside Taron Egerton and Ade Edmondson, the Welsh actor “bit his hand off”. It had always been his dream. For decades, whether doing serious political dramas such as Frost/Nixon or the great roles of classical theatre – Hamlet, Henry V – the one part Sheen really wanted involved Martians saying “ulla-ulla”.

“When I was doing Caligula at the Donmar [in 2003], I was filming The Deal during the day – which was the first time I’d played Tony Blair,” he says. “I’d be so tired, to wake myself up [before the play] I would do whole sections of War of the Worlds.” He can even beatbox the sound effects, he adds proudly. “The other guys in the dressing room would all be really pissed off with me - but I was playing Caligula, so they had to put up with it.”

Enthusing about an outtake on a collectors version of the album where you can hear Richard Burton coughing, Sheen briefly slips into an impression of the late actor. It’s eerily spot-on. Burton played the role he takes in the new version, which feels apt; growing up in Port Talbot, Sheen was aware of following in his footsteps.

“Coming from the same town as him really helped,” he says. “It’s place you wouldn’t necessarily think would be very sympathetic to acting – it’s an old steel town, very working class, quite a macho place – but because of Richard Burton, and then Anthony Hopkins, there’s the sense that it’s possible [to be an actor], and people have a respect for it.

“Ultimately, though, we’re very different actors - Burton was very much a charismatic leading man, and I’m probably more of a character actor. He wasn’t known for his versatility.” Sheen, by contrast, is a chameleon, as he proved with a remarkable run of biopics from 2006-9, playing Tony Blair, David Frost, Brian Clough, Kenneth Williams and the Roman emperor Nero on screen in the space of just four years.

He concedes that he may have made a “partly conscious” decision to avoid biopics since then. “I’ve been offered quite a few I didn’t do. I did feel, for a bit, it was probably good for me to move away from it – certainly from playing Blair at least, because that’s the one I became synonymous with. I’d quite happily play real people again, but it’s hard to find good scripts and it takes a lot of homework. With some parts I’ve been offered, you might only have a few weeks to prepare for it - and you can’t do that with Clough or Kenneth Williams.”

Despite his best intentions, Sheen is playing another Blair in his next film – The Voyage of Doctor Doolittle, where he’s the nemesis of Robert Downey Jr’s animal-loving hero. “I don’t know if they did that as a joke or not,” he says. “He’s Blair Müdfly – there’s an umlaut that he is very specific about. He was at college with Doolittle, and hates him, and becomes the antagonist because of his jealousy of Doolittle. Müdfly is employed to try and stop him from finding... what he wants to find.” As the film isn’t out for 13 months, Sheen is tight-lipped about further plot details – but he hints that Müdfly is “a villain in the tradition of Terry-Thomas villains.”

It’s the latest in a series of quirky, eyebrow-raising roles. After playing a vampire in the Twilight films and a werewolf in the Underworld franchise, Sheen says he would often be asked in interviews why a “serious classical actor” was wasting his time on fantasy films.

“There’s a lot of snobbishness about genre,” he says. “I think some of the greatest writing of the 20th and 21st centuries has happened in science fiction and fantasy.” While promoting the films, he would back up that point by citing his favourite authors – Stephen King, Philip K Dick, Neil Gaiman. “Time went on, and then one day my doorbell rang and there was a big box being delivered. I opened the box up and there was a card from Neil saying ‘From one fan to another’, and all these first editions of his books.”

It was the beginning an enduring friendship, which recently became a professional partnership: Sheen stars in Gaiman’s forthcoming TV series Good Omens, based on a 1990 novel he wrote with the late Terry Pratchett. Set in the days before a biblical apocalypse, its sprawling list of characters includes an angel called Aziraphale (Sheen) and a demon called Crowley (David Tennant) who have known each other since the days of Adam and Eve.

“I wanted to play Aziraphel being sort of in love with Crowley,” says Sheen. “They’re both very bonded and connected anyway, because of the two of them having this relationship through history - but also because angels are beings of love, so it’s inevitable that he would love Crowley. It helped that loving David is very easy to do.”

What kind of love - platonic, romantic, erotic? “Oh, those are human, mortal labels!” Sheen laughs. “But that was what I thought would be interesting to play with. There’s a lot of fan fiction where Aziraphale and Crowley get a bit hot and heavy towards each other, so it’ll be interesting to see how an audience reacts to what we’ve done in bringing that to the screen.”

Steamy fan fiction aside, it’s unlikely Good Omens will match the raunch levels of his last major TV series, Masters of Sex (2013-16), a drama about the pioneering sexologists Masters and Johnson. In the wake of the last year’s #MeToo revelations, HBO has introduced “intimacy co-ordinators” for its shows - but, Sheen tells me, Masters of Sex was ahead of the curve in handling sex scenes with caution.

“It was a lot easier for myself and Lizzy [Caplan, his co-star], as we were comfortable in that set-up, because we had status in it. But for people in the background, or doing just one scene, it’s different,” he says. “It became clear very quickly that there needed to be guidelines for people who didn’t have that kind of status, who would probably not speak up. We started talking about that, and decided there need to be clear rules.”

Sex scenes, he continues, “should absolutely be treated the same way as other things where there’s a danger. If you’re doing stage-fighting, or pyrotechnics, there are rules and everyone just sticks to them. Whether it’s physical danger, or emotional, or psychological, it’s just as important.”

Despite having several film and TV parts on the horizon, Sheen says he is still in semi-retirement from acting. In 2016 he hinted that he might be quit for good to campaign against populism. “In the same way as the Nazis had to be stopped in Germany in the Thirties, this thing that is on the rise has to be stopped," he said at the time. But now things are less cut. “I have two jobs now, essentially,” he says. "Acting takes second place."

While many celebrity activists limit their politics to save-the-dolphins posturing, Sheen has been working with a range of unfashionable grassroots groups aiming to combat inequality, support small communities and fight fake news. As well as supporting Welsh credit unions, and sponsoring a women’s football team in the tiny village of Goytre, he tells me that he's been “commissioning research into alternative funding models for local journalism”.

If he returns to the stage any time soon, he says it’s likely to be in a show about “political historical socio-economic stuff, a one-man show with very low production values”. It’s clear he’s not in it for the glamour.

Sheen was inspired to become more politically active by the Brexit referendum – which also indirectly led him to break up with his partner of four years, the comedian Sarah Silverman. At the time, they were living together in the US. “We both had very similar drives, and yet to act on those drives pulled us in different directions – because she is American and I’m Welsh,” he explains.

“After the Brexit vote, and the election where Trump became president, we both felt in different ways we wanted to get more involved. That led to her doing her show I Love You America [in which Silverman interviewed people from across the political spectrum], and it led to me wanting to address the issues that I thought led some people to vote the way they did about Brexit, in the area I come from and others like it.”

They still speak lovingly of each other, which makes their decision to end a happy relationship for the sake of politics look painfully quixotic. Talking about it, Sheen sounds a little wistful, but he’s utterly certain they made the right choice. “I felt a responsibility to do something, but it did mean coming back here – which was difficult for us, because we were very important to each other. But we both acknowledge that each of us had to do what we needed to do.”

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Mon 20 May

Location location location- did you know the town hall where the Two Of Us video was filmed was the venue where Queen played their first show? Amazing! Were you wondering why Harry was wandering around Hollywood Blvd amongst the tourists? I don't claim to know, but I will tell you that he was apparently right outside the hotel Lottie and Lou Teasdale had just checked into that day... Did you know who else is in L.A.? That I do know, it's Louis!

But let's back up a bit. Harry content is absolutely off the charts so let's start at the beginning. First we got a video of Harry looking really confused on Hollywood Blvd from the evening of the 18th when a routine photo op takes a turn and the fan does a fancy hat trick (no like with an actual hat). Some of Harry's confusion may stem from being baked af if my eyes don't deceive me but he might just be tired from getting too much sun, whatever the reason it's all charmingly awkward. Then we got SO MANY pap pics of Harry frolicking on the beach in Malibu looking like he just won the xiallympics a carefree dork, bless, (on the 18th) in little yellow shorts tucked up cause they were idk not short enough I guess (Outdoor Voices, such a multitasker), a tie-dye t-shirt with unicorns rubbing their horns together, wild curls and a big smile. There are dogs! New tattoos!* Frisbees! Footballs! Beanbags! (Apparently this is a game called CORNHOLE about which I have NO COMMENT but I bet Harry had plenty of comments) ANYWAY he's with the Gerbers and Azoffs and getting papped and wearing promotional gear, but regardless it looks like he's having a blast so I'm glad for him, that's the way to fold in business with fun. Those pics were released today and then about an hour later the new Gucci campaign pics dropped and talk about the duality of Harry Styles, you could get whiplash looking from that goofy beach muppet to aesthetic fashion king Harry draped in velvet declaiming dramatically and brandishing taxidermy geese while smoldering away. The bandana and casual hair kind of show the cracks in his Serious facade though, maybe he should get some modeling tips from Niall. (JK I think he knows we like it better when it's a little bit him in there too.) In any case, something he's doing is definitely working; HS1 is back on the charts, re-entering the Billboard top 200 at #111.

*New tattoos: Writing on his legs, not definitively visible but it looks like one says California in script and there's speculation about the knee tats but it's not certain, but there are definitely four and not two as previously thought so can we please lay the theories about the si and no to rest now? those were embarrassing.

More Louis interview content today via ODE! He talks about how important the fans are to him, about thinking about them and about including them in every step of the process. He says, "other people... do it different, they go for more of the aspirational outlook but for me I want... me to feel like one of them, like we are doing it together as a team. It's important to me" and says again how in awe of the fans he is, that we are "grafters" and that "it's like they work hard to be amazing fans." As mentioned above, he also took a fan pic yesterday in L.A.

Huse Monfaradi, who is loving the (well deserved) attention to his work and making up for all those videos we know nothing about the people or process behind, talks about the making of the TOU video and tells us that the concept was Louis', but that he chose the location.

Liam posted THREE (3!) studio pics with the caption, 'if you scroll right far enough you'll almost see new music' EXCUSE ME is that meant to be funny?! Listen pal people wanna know what the heck is going on you're just teasing! Rude. Anyway super cute happy pics though, taken by Conor Butler, who, if you were wondering (as I was), is the person who makes the little movies for Liam, and takes his pics, and travels around and hangs out with him.

The Zayn and Zhavia version of A Whole New World is not on the Billboard 100 chart but made the Bubbling Under chart which "ranks the Top 25 songs that have yet to appear on the actual Hot 100" which you would think would just mean numbers 101-125 but they factor in streaming, among other things.

Niall registered three new songs, Let Me Introduce You, Nice To Meet You, and Take Me Back. Sounds like a storyline, dare I hope for a musical?? (Answer, no). Ruth Anne Cunningham and Julian Bunetta are cowriters on two. He also swooned over a fancy golf course where he's scheduled to play in a tournament next year and a golf podcast interview with him came out.

[flowerfan2]

Eight Days A Week

McDanno, T, A03, 2800 words.

Summary:  Danny can only take off so much time from Five-0 before HR notices… or someone gets accused of payroll fraud. 

This is a cracky team fic prompted by a conversation with mvernet on A03 about the consequences of Danny’s numerous absences.  It is unrelated to my season 10 coda series, Affinity (it’s way too silly).

******

“Anyone seen Steve?” Tani looks around as she walks over to join Junior and Lou at the computer table. “Seems like he’d appreciate this kind of thing.”

Junior has set the table to show the previous day’s football game.  It’s a slow day.

“Didn’t he go with Adam to get lunch?”  Junior asks, not taking his eyes off the screen.

“Nope.”  Adam comes into the room and sets two large take-out bags on the computer table.  Lou makes a face as his view of a long field goal is blocked, but his smile returns when he opens the first bag.

“You got the good sandwiches,” Lou croons.  “I should never have doubted you.”

“You doubted him?” Tani asks, diving into the second bag. “On what basis?  Danny says Adam never fails when it comes to sandwiches. Hey, I wanted pastrami, did you get me pastrami?”

“Yes, Tani, I did. And two turkey specials for Steve and Junior.”  Adam pulls several large paper wrapped bundles out.  “So where is Steve, anyway?”

“He must still be at the governor’s,” Lou says.  

“Wasn’t that meeting at eight?”  Junior asks.

“Who knows, a budget review sounds super interesting, maybe he’s making the most of it.”  Tani unwraps her sandwich and takes a big bite. “Junes,” she says, her mouth full. “Can I have your pickle?”

Lou hands Tani a napkin as the pickle makes its way over the table.  “There’s a new governor in town, maybe she has some plans she wanted to discuss with Steve.”

“Maybe she just wanted to take him out to lunch.”  Tani grins at the team, and they all nod in agreement.  Clearly the new governor has fallen prey to Steve’s charm.  They’re probably at some expensive beachside restaurant with right now, Steve regaling the governor with stories of Five-0’s adventures.

*****

The team is wrong.

 Steve is not dining out with the governor.  He did sweet talk his way through his eight a.m. meeting with her, after which he called Jerry in a panic.

 “Hey, man, I know you’re not a full time member of the team anymore, but I could really use your help.”

 “I mean, I’m not a member of the team at all, Steve, but come on over.”

 Steve hangs up and starts driving.  Jerry can do anything with computers.  He’ll help him figure this out.

 When he gets to Jerry’s place, they hunker down in a basement eerily reminiscent of the one Jerry lived in when they first met.  Jerry just shrugs.  “If it ain’t broke… so, what can I help you with?”

 Three hours go by before Jerry finally convinces Steve that they have to go to the palace.

 “Are you sure you can’t just hack into Five-0’s computers?”

 “Are you sure you told me to make them completely hack-proof?”

 Steve sighs.  “Fine, let’s go.”

 *****

 “Did we just get served?” Adam asks.  Tani is standing in the middle of the room holding a white envelope as a man in a trench coat and board shorts hightails it out into the hallway.

 “We did.”

 “What’s going on?” Junior asks, trying to tug the envelope out of Tani’s hands.  She doesn’t let him, just spins around and opens it up herself.

 “Huh.”

 “What does ‘huh’ mean, exactly?”  Lou asks.  

 “I’m not completely sure, but it looks like we’re being asked to give testimony.”

 “What?”  Lou exclaims.  “Why?”

 Tani frowns. “Apparently Steve is being charged with payroll fraud.”

 Before anyone can comment on this, Lou’s phone rings and he picks it up.  “It’s McGarrett,” he stage whispers to the team.  “Steve, care to fill us in?”  Lou puts his phone on speaker so everyone can hear.

 “It’s a long story,” Steve says.  “But Jerry says he needs us to pull our time records, and that should clear it up.”

 Tani chuckles.  “Oh, Jerry, he’s such a comedian.”

 There’s silence, and then the sound of Jerry whispering something to Steve.

 “No, he’s serious. Just pull the time records and we’ll discuss it when we get there.  Should just be a few minutes.”  Steve hangs up.

 Adam looks around the group. “Do any of you keep time records?”

 “Um, no,” Tani says. The others shake their heads.

 “Maybe HR kept them?”

 “Who’s HR?”

 “I filled out some paperwork when Steve finally hired me,” Junior says.  “Some tax stuff.”

 “And you gave it to…?”

 Junior squeezes his eyes shut and concentrates.  “Danny. I gave it to Danny.”

 “I gave Danny my paperwork too,” Tani says, and Adam nods.  “Me too.”

 “Ok, so if Danny was serving as our informal HR dude, we just have to ask him where the rest of the records are.”

 Junior jogs over to Danny’s office, sticks his head in, and comes back to the table.  “Danny’s not here.”

 “Well of course he’s not here, you doofus.  If he was here, he would’ve come out for the sandwiches.”  Tani pulls out her phone and dials Danny’s number.  It goes to voicemail.  She hangs up without leaving a message.  “I’m sure Steve talked to him already.”

 “Talked to who?” Steve walks into the office, Jerry on his heels (but not literally, ‘cause that would be rude).

 “Danny,” Adam says. “To get our time records.”

 Steve looks pained. “Danny doesn’t have your time records.” He lets out a deep breath.  “Okay, we can figure this out.  Where is Danny today, anyway?”

 “He’s not here,” Junior says.

 “I know he’s not here, obviously he’s not here,” Steve says.  “Where is he?”

 “You don’t know?” Tani asks.

 “Probably on the mainland, or with Grace,” Lou says.

 “Or Charlie,” Adam adds, “don’t forget Charlie.”

 “Charlie,” Lou says fondly. “That sweet little boy.  Of course, of course, Danny’s probably with Charlie.  Maybe at a little league game.  I remember when my son used to play little league.”

 “Wait, how can you actually not know where Danny is?”  Tani asks Steve.

 “Danny takes time off when he needs to.  I don’t keep track or anything.”

 “And that, my friends, is your problem,” Jerry says.

 Tani snaps her head around – she had forgotten Jerry was there.  “What do you mean?”

 Jerry steps forward, apparently enjoying being the center of attention.  “Steve is being charged with payroll fraud.  The allegations include keeping certain individuals on the payroll who no longer work for Five-0, or paying people a full-time salary when they don’t actually work full time.  Danny’s at the top of the list.”

 “But all we have to do is show that everyone on the payroll is actually on the team, and we’ll be fine. Right, Jerry?”  

 Tani can’t help but notice that the hopeful tone in Steve’s voice does not match up with the skeptical look on Jerry’s face.

 Jerry starts tapping away on the computer table.  “Well, let’s see what we can do.  The D.A.’s office gave Steve a list of purported team members, we just need to make sure their list matches up with ours.”  Jerry stops tapping for a minute to pull a piece of paper out of his pocket and hand it to Tani.  “Read those to me, and we’ll take ‘em one by one.”

 Tani unfolds the paper. “Ok…”  She scans it quickly.  She doesn’t recognize most of the names.  “Who is Lori Weston?  It says she’s a DHS agent.”

 “No, she was on Five-0. Excellent profiler.  A great asset,” Steve says.

 “But not on the team anymore,” Jerry prompts.

 “Well, no.”

 “How about Jenna Kaye?”

 “Deceased,” Steve says flatly.

 “Right, so, no longer on the team,” Jerry murmurs, making a note.

 “Catherine Rollins?” Tani asks, with a smirk.  “Seems I’ve heard some things about her.  Was she ever Five-0?”

 “Uh, well,” Steve shrugs. “Not officially, I guess.”

 “Sang Min?  Gerald Hirsch?  Odell – was he the barber?  Come on, they’re not Five-0,” Tani says.  

 Steve hangs his head and doesn’t answer.

 “Odell, I remember him, Lou says.  “He’s a good guy.  We should get together for a beer with him sometime.  But Steve,” Lou steps closer, practically in Steve’s face, “you aren’t paying him a salary, are you?  Because that would be…”

 “Hard to explain,” Adam says.  “Although I know some pretty clever accountants-”

 “Hold up, hold up right now with your clever accountants,” Tani says.  “Because next on the list is Kono, and I know you didn’t know anything about this, did you, Adam?”

 Adam throws up his hands, eyes wide.  “No, I did not.  Steve, what the hell?”  Adam grabs the list out of Tani’s hands.  “Chin is on here too.”

 The whole team is glaring at Steve now.  

 “Maybe it’s some kind of pension?”  Jerry suggests.  “Something the state came up with, to thank them for their service?”

 “Don’t you need to work for like twenty years for that?”  Tani asks.

 “Don’t worry, I’m gonna take care of this,” Steve says.  

 “I hope so,” Tani says, taking the list back from Adam.  “Because Danny really is at the top of the list.”

 Steve bites his lip.  “There’s a perfectly good explanation.”

 They all wait to hear it. And then Steve turns and runs out the door.

 *****

 The next few days are tense. Steve is making charts on a whiteboard that has appeared in his office, but he won’t let anyone in to get a good look at it.  Jerry sucks the data out of all the team members’ phones to find support for their full time status.  The rest of the team members are given strict instructions not to worry about it.  It’s still distracting, but luckily their cases aren’t very interesting this week.

 On the third morning, Tani shows up to find Junior, Adam and Lou looking glum.

 “Duke was waiting for Steve,” Lou says.  “He arrested him.”

 Tani feels her mouth drop open.  “That’s a joke, right?”

 “Yeah, it is.”

 She whirls around to see Danny coming out of his office, a shit-eating grin on his face and a box of malasadas in his hands.

 “Williams, what the hell is going on?” Lou demands.

 “And really, Danny, where have you been?”  Adam asks.

 “And please, don’t say uh… Grace… uh… mainland…” Tani grumbles.

 Danny strides towards them, the picture of smug confidence.  “It’s kind of a complicated story,” he begins, putting the bakery box down on the computer table.

 “Since when is anything you and Steve get up to not complicated,” Lou asks, pulling out a li hing powder malasada.

 “Patience, people. It’ll all make sense soon,” Danny says. “I’ve been on an ongoing long-term undercover op.  Investigating some fraud cases, white collar crime stuff that the department wanted to clean up.  And I got to be close with some of the guys in HPD’s accounting division.  One thing led to another, see, and so after Steve started getting on my case about how the work I was doing was cutting into our time together, which was totally not my fault, by the way, I decided to mess around with him a little.”

 Lou looks baffled.  “Back up there just a minute.  How long, exactly, have you been undercover?”

 “About two years.  But it’s not consistent, sometimes they need me for a few days or a week, then I’m off and back with you guys for a month.”

 “You’re kidding, right?” Adam asks.

 “I still think it’s a joke,” Tani says.

 “It is, but not the undercover op part,” Danny carefully takes a malasada out of the box and takes a bite, without getting any sugar on his shirt.  “I actually got the idea from Steve ages ago.  There was a month when I was so busy with a fraud case that I was hardly at Five-0, and then we got a night off.  We had both had too much to drink, and we were kinda too wasted to, uh, go through with our plans for the evening.  Steve was annoyed.  He said he wished we could take a vacation so I could make it up to him, except that now I couldn’t, because I’d used all my vacation days.  He even threatened to write me up for poor attendance.”

 Danny actually looks fond as he tells this story.  Tani is beginning to think there is more to his partnership with Steve than just chasing perps and grilling on weekends.

 “So you came up with this whole thing just to pull his chain?”  Tani asks.  “Isn’t it kind of elaborate?”

 Danny grins.  “Gotta keep a relationship fresh, right?  But honestly, I think I’m actually a little insulted that none of you caught on to my undercover gig.  Where did you guys think I was all those times?”

 The team mumbles out their answers.  “Grace…” “Mainland…” “Charlie?”

 Danny doesn’t look impressed. “Steve was right about one thing - nobody keeps track of our days off, and the governor really does give us enough rope to hang ourselves with. That’s how I knew he’d fall for this.”

 “So, Kono isn’t really still on the payroll?”  Adam asks. “Or Chin, or Catherine?”

 “Of course not!  Even if our paperwork were that sloppy, do you think any of them would accept pay for a job they weren’t doing?”  Danny shakes his head.  “I’ll tell you another secret – gullible isn’t in the dictionary.”

 “Okay, enough with the dad jokes,” Tani says.  “You know Steve is going to kill you for this, right?  Like, actually kill you?”

 Junior perks up, as if he is going to volunteer to stand between them in a gunfight, and Tani puts a calming hand on his shoulder.

 “Nah, he’ll be okay.” Danny glanced at his watch.  “But I’ve got to go.  Duke’s driving Steve out to the house I rented for the weekend, and I want to be there first to surprise him.  It’s a great place on the north shore, right on the beach, killer surf.  It’s got a hot tub, too, and plenty of privacy.” Danny’s grin edges into a leer. “By the time we come back to the office next week, all will be forgiven, you’ll see.”

 Danny shoots them one last smirk and the team watches silently as he strides out of the office, a swing in his step.

 “Well,” Tani says, taking a moment to absorb the fact that she apparently isn’t the only team member who appreciates how nice Danny’s ass looks in his fitted slacks, “I think Danny just let us in on another secret. And it’s way more interesting than payroll fraud.”

 Any further discussion is put on hold when Lou gets a call about a witness they’ve been looking for, and he and Adam head out to question him.  Junior and Tani pull up the suspect’s information on the screen, and start looking into his credit card and bank account history.

 But Tani can’t quite focus on the job just yet.

 “Junes, if Danny was implying what I think he was implying… how could you not know?”

 Junior shrugs.  

 “Come on, you live with Steve.  Are you that oblivious?”

 Junior turns to her. “Who said I was oblivious?  Maybe I’m just respecting my boss’s privacy.” He pauses for a moment, to see if Tani is buying it.  “Or, you know, maybe I just wasn’t sure.  It’s not as if they’ve ever done anything in front of me.”

 “Down the hall, maybe?” Tani asks.

 Junior frowns.  “I don’t eavesdrop.”

 “And tell me this – if they’re together, why was Danny trying to set Steve up with someone else?”

 Junior ducks his head, and Tani slides over to his side of the table and forces him to meet her gaze.

 “Junior?  Out with it.”

 Junior sighs.  “It’s really none of my business.  But I think… I think they may be into threesomes.”

 “What?”  Tani bounces a little bit and grabs Junior’s arm. “Spill.  Right now.”

 “It’s nothing, I mean, Danny’s around the house all the time, you know?  I never thought much of it, the two of them are close, it’s just how they are.  But one night Steve was hustling around, straightening up, making a salad or something, waiting for Danny to come over.  I was getting ready to go to my dad’s.  And Steve sees me pulling on my jacket and turns to me and says ‘you could join us if you want.’”

 “You could join us? That’s it?”

 “And then Danny walks in, and he makes a beeline for Steve, but then he notices me standing there and kind of gives me a once over, like really kind of sexy, then glances back at Steve.  Steve shakes his head a little and says ‘Junior’s going out.’ They both said goodbye, and I left.”

 “That’s it?  That’s your evidence?”

 “That and Danny trying to set Steve up.  Yeah, that’s it.”  Junior pulls his phone out; he’s clearly done with speculating about his boss.  “I’m going to make some calls, see if we can confirm that our witness was in town last week.”

 Junior might be done with the topic, but Tani still can’t let it go.  She goes into her office and sends a quick text to Danny.  

 Let me know if you need some help calming Steve down.  I bet your hot tub’s big enough for three.

[river--moore]

River’s Police Interview.

WHERE: Hollowick’s Police Station WHEN: Early evening, 11th July 2020.

It was a bit of an inconvenience for River being called down to the police station that evening. Of course, it was – how dare they pull her out of her depressive slump and away from the fifth of vodka that sat waiting for her in her living room. Alas, she had no choice. She didn’t want to become a suspect by not turning up to a basic police interview.

She wore casual attire as she stepped into the station – black skinny jeans, a comfortable grey jumper and leather ankle boots, her braids grazing the small of her back as she walked inside. She allowed her stick to support her weight as she stated her business at the reception desk, and followed the officer into the small questioning room soon after. The room was pretty drab – blank walls with a crack of sunlight creeping into the room through the tiny window on the back wall. Very unstimulating room to say the least, but gave her more incentive to get out of it quicker.

River took their seat at a desk situated in the middle of the room, opposite the officer who’d taken their place in their own chair; flicking through their notes and wasting no time before they clicked play on the audio recorder on the desk, and began their questioning…

THIS INTERVIEW IS BEING CONDUCTED AS PART OF THE PROCEDURE OF AN ONGOING INVESTIGATION AND IS BEING TAPE RECORDED. THERE IS NO NEED TO WORRY, I’M SURE YOU UNDERSTAND. COULD YOU STATE YOUR FULL NAME AND DATE OF BIRTH FOR THE RECORD?

With a discontented sigh, River crossed her arms over her chest and sank further into her seat as she listened to the officer in front of her. She figured this thing would go quicker if she cooperated rather than being difficult so she decided she would comply with whatever they wanted to ask of her. Besides, she was on a major comedown from whatever intoxicant she decided to take last night, and her head was thumping – she didn’t want to be here longer than needed. “River Moore. 15th August 1986.”

IS THERE ANY NAME YOU’RE MORE COMFORTABLE BEING REFERRED TO AS?

“Just River,” she replied dully, her words monotone as she looked at the officer opposite her. Just River, she relayed in her thoughts; an excuse her father would use to dismiss her needs as a child, when she would come downstairs, starving; begging for a scrap of food left by her father and the friends he’d had over that evening to get drunk and watch football. It’s just River, she’s fine, he would say. She would always go to bed hungry those evenings.

ALRIGHT, THAT’S NO PROBLEM. DURING THIS INTERVIEW WE WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS AND WE REQUIRE YOU TO ANSWER HONESTLY. LET’S START WITH YOUR BACKGROUND. HOW DID YOU COME TO LIVE IN HOLLOWICK?

She fidgeted in her chair, trying to get comfortable, but with constant ache in her lower back it was hard to get comfortable in even the softest of seats. “Born here. Lived here all my life. Unfortunately.”

WHAT ABOUT YOUR EDUCATION, COULD YOU ELABORATE ON THAT PLEASE?

A question she detested, knowing full well her education records were poor. “Public education. Didn’t graduate high school. Dropped out at 15. Being passed around between different foster families tends to mess that kind of thing up.”

I SEE, AND YOUR CAREER? WE’D LIKE TO KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT WHAT YOU DO AND HOW YOU GOT THERE.

“I’m a freelance musician and composer. Sometimes I do the occasional DJ sets if they don’t want live music. Whatever pays the bills,” she explained, thinking back to the few times certain establishments just wanted dull chart songs to be pumped through their pub so people could listen mindlessly as they got slugged back shots of tequila, rather than enjoy a live, stimulating performance. It was a waste of her talent, but sometimes she wasn’t in the position to refuse a paycheck. “I’ve always been into music. A natural connection, natural talent, you could say. Figured it made sense to follow that career path.”

DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY MEMBERS? DO ANY OF THEM LIVE WITH YOU HERE IN HOLLOWICK?

Letting out a dry laugh, she shook her head. “Nope. All dead.” Normally, she would leave it at that. It was a little insensitive sounding, as if she didn’t care that she was the only one left out of her family, but honestly; it hurt to talk about her family too much. Not her mother and father, but her real family; Judy and Mark. The only people to show her love, ripped away from her before she even had a chance to live her life with them. She could tell the officer wanted an elaboration by the way they looked at River expectantly, so she sighed. “My mother died during childbirth. My father overdosed when I was a pre-teen. My adoptive parents died in a car crash. Wish I died with them.”

I’D LIKE YOU TO THINK ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY. COULD YOU PERHAPS DESCRIBE HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF TO ME?

“Depressive, self-loathing, stubborn piece of trash mainly sums me up.” She eyed the officer’s pen as they scribbled notes on paper, wondering what they were saying about her. Probably something along the lines of ‘mentally unstable and extremely pessimistic’, although those words were probably too kind compared to how she really thought of herself.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY YOUR GREATEST STRENGTHS ARE?

River had to take a second to think about that question. Strengths? She barely knew anything other than weakness, but a few things did come to mind. “I’m good with music. Creativity. I know how to piece together a song in minutes with little inspiration. I can also put on a show that stays with people for weeks,” she spoke, almost proudly, about her achievements in her career so far. “I’m also exceptionally independent. I don’t need any help from anyone. Disability or not.”

AND I’D ALSO LIKE TO ASK YOU TO EXPLAIN WHAT YOU PERCEIVE YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESSES TO BE, IF YOU WOULDN’T MIND.

Again, she could only let out a dry chuckle. “Well, my back and legs don’t work very well, to start with. You can thank the car that drove head first into ours for that. I don’t get far without my stick and can’t walk for long distances. I can’t stay on my feet for long periods of time, either,” River explained, motioning towards the walking stick that rested against the side of the table before her. “Also… pretty stubborn, like I said. I do things how I like, when I like, where I like. I’ve gotten through life without any help so far, and I don’t need any help now.”

THANK YOU. NOW I WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT THE NIGHT OF JUNE 14TH, 2020. WHERE WERE YOU THAT EVENING?

“I was at home,” she paused, wracking her brain for a better story than ‘sitting alone, high as a kite on the cheapest stuff she could get a hold of at such short notice’, since she assumed the officer wouldn’t appreciate that very much, “writing. I was having a pretty shitty night and writing music helps me relax. I didn’t leave the house at all that day, actually. My back was giving me some issues and my leg wasn’t supporting any weight, so I had no choice but to be house-bound.”

DID YOU KNOW THIS MAN? [THE OFFICER SHOWS YOU A PHOTO OF JAMES MASON.]

Taking a second to look at the picture she was shown of the man, she shook her head. “Not personally. Seen him a few times around town, but that’s about it. Never even spoke to the man.”

WHAT ABOUT ANY OF THESE PEOPLE? [THEY SHOW YOU SEVERAL OLD PHOTOGRAPHS. THE IMAGES ARE OF THE VICTIMS OF THE REAPING FROM WHEN THEY WERE ALIVE]

Shaking her head again, she shrugged. “Don’t recognise any of them, honestly. I usually keep to myself, so I don’t know many people if I’m being truly honest.” She’d always been a bit of hermit – didn’t really have an option when she was so antisocial anyway. No matter how nice people were to her, she always had that thought nipping at the back of her head: don’t bother, you’ll just lose them eventually. And she always listened.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION. DO GET IN TOUCH IF YOU FIND ANY INFORMATION. STAY SAFE.

[long-bodyswap]

A long day’s journey

This is also one of my favorites too. Found it in an old yahoo bodyswap forum. Enjoy.

Mike woke with a start when the tires hit the rumble strip.  It was a long day, he was headed home after a few days on the road.  He had made a few good contacts and wrote up some decent sales, but he really just wanted to get home and into bed.  The road wasn’t the place for a 45-year-old guy, and Mike knew it.  “Better left to the young punks,” he thought.  He really wanted a comfortable desk job, there was one opening up in a few weeks when Murray retired, then all he’d have to do was send those young jerk offs to meet with customers, God -it couldn’t happen soon enough.

He flipped though the radio stations, sure wasn’t much on the air out this way, middle of nowhere. If he was going to stay on the road he’d pop for XM or Sirius but his road days were coming to an end. 40 miles to Medford, 6:30 PM and it was already getting dark.  Medford was a college town, decent food, he could stop there grab something to eat and make it home by midnight if he pushed it.  Mike always hated this stretch of the trip home, just vast open spaces nothing around for miles, the road cut through part of an Indian Reservation, he never bothered to find out which one.  But he did always stop to pick up some cigarettes for Murray at the gas station where he crossed into the reservation.  He never could understand how people could pay so much just to watch it go up in smoke.  At least without taxes the prices were better, but still…  Oh well, Murray was a friend and had put in a good word for him with the bosses so he didn’t mind.

The sun had set, the sky went from orange to deep purple.  35 miles to Medford…  Mike glanced down at the radio as he flipped through a few more stations, something caught his eye and as he looked up it was too late --- there was a brief sound as metal hit metal at 60 miles an hour then darkness as everything slipped away…

“Doctor!  He’s coming around”

Mike heard that at some level, everything sounded weird.  He was in that in-between state not quite asleep - and not yet quite awake.  He felt like hell.  He tried to open his eyes but his eyelids felt strange, heavy.  It wasn’t just his eyelids, he felt heavy and it was very difficult to move.  He managed to get his eyes open, the room was dimly lit, he could sense a presence next to him, a middle aged woman stuck her head in front of his face, “OK.  Doctor!  His eyes are open.”

“Don’t try to move, you been through a lot.” Somehow Mike knew that was directed at him.  He was more than willing to cooperate, it would take all his will power just to lift his hand up, even if he wanted to, which he didn’t.  He was ready to drift back to sleep, but the doctor came over, at least Mike assumed he was the doctor, he was 28 maybe 30 holding Mike’s chart.

“I’m Dr. Thompson, do you know where you are?”

Mike struggled to get “hoshpital” out, a little slurred but understandable.

“Great! That’s right” the Dr. replied, “Do you know what happened?”

Mike closed his eyes for a second, “Accident?” he managed to whisper.

“That’s right”, the Dr. responded.  “Do you know where you were headed?”

“Sleep…”

“No, don’t sleep, where were you going?”

“Home”, Mike was still in one word response mode, the Doctor wanted more.

“OK, can you tell us your name?”

“Mike Watson”

“How old are you?” “45” Mike croaked, “Water?”

“Nurse, just a sip..”  “Is that better?” the doctor inquired.,

“Yeah, think so”, Mike replied.

“Ok, I think you’re awake enough for me to fill you in on some of the details.” Dr. Thompson said.  “As you know you were in an accident, you were heading north to Medford, when a car crossed into your lane and hit you almost head on.  Your car was totaled, it was the airbags and seatbelt that saved you life, plus the fact that it happened in a wide open area, you were pushed into a field.”

Mike grunted ”Ummf.”

“We had to make some quick decisions.” the doctor went on,  “The collision knocked your ID a ways out, we didn’t know who you were, we had no way of contacting your family, the police only found it this morning after dawn.”

“Yeah….” Mike said waiting for the rest of the story.

Dr. Thompson hesitated, not sure how he should begin, after all he had never done this before…  “I don’t know if you are aware but Highway 40 cuts through an Indian Reservation, and that Reservation runs almost into town, the College actually borders it.  But anyway, the accident took place on the Reservation, so their local laws are enforced.”   Mike looked a little puzzled, why was the doctor telling him all this?  “Well, the driver that hit you was a local college student, with a bit of a history.  Josh had done this before, got drunk and killed another driver, but since he was underage and his family is well connected he was given probation and rehab and allowed to return to campus the next year.  There was quite a bit of outrage locally, but being on the football team and with his connections it was all down played.”  The doctor looked away, Mike could tell there was something he wasn’t telling him.  Dr. Thompson felt stupid, here he was giving a back-story, but how could he come right out and tell Mike what had happened to him?  The Dr. took a deep breath, “As I said, we had to make some tough decisions when you were brought in.  Josh had some minor injuries, and you were near death.  I guess you could say it was a function of where you were as much as anything, but…  we transferred your consciousness to Josh’s body.”  There, he said it.  

Mike looked at him dumbfounded, “Huh?”

The doctor went on  “The University has been doing a lot of research in the area of consciousness and it’s link to who we are, and with the influx of money from the casinos the Indians, or I should say Native Americans, own, our funding has gone up quite a bit and allowed us to progress rapidly.  Some of the expansion here at the university is onto the Reservation so their laws apply.  They have a very strict ‘eye for an eye’ philosophy that they live by.  When they found you and brought you in along with Josh and his buddy Tuck, the tribal leader was very upset that Josh was allowed to do this again.”  Dr. Thompson went on “ They insisted we rectify this situation, and while we had done human testing, it was always voluntary and reversible.  We were getting into a very ethically gray area, but the decision was made to go ahead. Josh was given the facts, he knew that tribal law dictated his execution if you died, and there was nothing anyone could do, it did happen on tribal land, their laws apply.  He knew he had a small chance of survival in your body, no chance if he didn’t do this and you died.”  The Dr. took a drink of water before he continued on, “By this point you were near death and we had to move quickly.  Normally the process takes hours, which we didn’t have.  So we had to make another hard decision.  We transferred the core of Josh out and transferred as much of you in as we could.  But this is a new area for us, we don’t know how this will all play out, you have Josh’s body, and his physicality.  You may have his knowledge and even some or all of his memories, we really don’t know.  You might end up as Josh with some of Mike mixed in, or Mike with some of Josh.  The two aspects may blend and you might decide you’re neither and decide to be ‘Jake’.   We just don’t know at this point.”

Mike laid there slack jawed, did he really hear what he thought he heard?  “But, but  --I’m Mike Watson!” was all he could say.  

“Yes, I know that.” The doctor said, “But at this point you really haven’t integrated with the part that was Josh, that won’t happen for awhile.  At this point you talk, and when you can, you’ll move like Josh, but you’re Mike.  Gradually you will become more aware of Josh and you will have to deal with that.”

Mike stared at the doctor for a minute taking it all in.  “Wha, what do I look like?” Mike asked.  “Well you’re about the same height, 6’3’’, you weigh a bit more, about 240 lbs, Blonde hair, Blue eyes.  We’ll let you up in a few minutes and you can see who you’ve become, we just have to make sure you’re strong enough.”

“My body?” Mike asked, looking like he didn’t want to hear the answer.

“It’s still alive, on a respirator.   Josh might survive in it, but he will be a paraplegic, plus there is a good chance of brain damage.  A blood clot broke loose after we did the transfer and he suffered a stroke, we’re surprised he lasted this long.  I should tell you this, if somehow your body survives and if you want you can be returned to it, it will be your choice.”

Mike lay there staring, was he dreaming?  This had to be a joke.  And a bad joke at that.

“Can you move your legs?” Dr. Thompson asked, Mike wiggled his legs, “Great, how about your arms?”

Mike lifted his arms, he took a look at his hands and had a shock, “The-the- these aren’t my hands!” Mike stuttered and he examined his hands.  They were big and beefy with long fingers, not at all like his average sized hands with short stubby fingers. He looked dumbfounded as he twisted and turned, open and closed his hands.  He looked at his arms, golden tan, very well muscled.  “This is real?” was all Mike could say.

“Yes, it’s very real.”  Dr. Thompson replied.

Now Mike knew why he felt so odd.  He was seeing with another man’s eyes and hearing with another man’s ears.  Everything looked a little odd, colors where somehow strange.  It seemed he could hear a bit more, softer sounds were clearer. He ventured a look down and saw a well muscled chest and he could feel his heart thumping rapidly.

The nurse came over and took his pulse, “Doctor, it’s quite high..”

“Mike, take a few deep breaths, try and relax a little”

“That’s easy for you to say, you’re not…” Mike stopped in mid sentence, was that really his voice?  It hadn’t connected before, he was talking with a soft southern accent!

“Mike, what is it?”

“My voice, why am I talking like this?”

The doctor took a long look at Mike before he went on, “As I mentioned before, it was a tough decision, but with the disparity in your bodies and ages, plus the time constrains we were dealing with, we opted to leave the physical side of Josh in place, so you have Josh’s characteristics, you talk like he does and you will find you move as he did.  Odds are you wont’ really be aware of it, since your physical aspects aren’t part of you any longer, your body is sort of on Josh’s auto pilot, it’s part of you now.”

“Can I get up now?” Mike said, “God, I’m really talking like this?”  The words sounded foreign to him.

“Lets try sitting on the edge of the bed first.”

Mike didn’t give it too much thought, as he quickly swung his legs over the side of the bed.

The doctor look a bit surprised, but pleased “Great, looks like you are integrating well.”

The doctor pointed over to a large mirror on the other side of the room, “Think you can make it over there?”  “Nurse can you open the shades a little so Mr. Watson can get a good look at himself?”  The nurse pulled the shade halfway up; the light caused Mike to squint. Mike took a few small steps, felt stable and proceeded over to the mirror.  He rubbed his eyes as they adjusted to the light.  Mike took a deep breath and steeled him self for what he was going to see.  “Ok, guy you can do this…” Mike thought to himself.  He did a quick headshake as if to clear his thoughts and faced his future staring back at him from the mirror.  “Shit” was all he uttered, his mouth hanging open.  “Th-th-that’s me?” he asked incredulously. The doctor walked up and put his hand on Mike shoulder, “Yes, that’s you…” and just left the statement hanging in the air.

“I-I-I’m a kid!” was all Mike could say.

“Well, technically you’re not, Josh is, was, 19, an adult.”

Mike just stood there staring.  He blinked once, twice, three times. The image in the mirror did the same.  Mike took his hands and brushed his cheek, rubbed his jaw.  The skin was soft and firm.  He looked at himself.  He had a strong jaw line and a crease in his chin.  His golden blonde hair was cut short, kind of buzzed off the way kids wear it now.  His bright blue eyes had a fire to them.  His nose was slightly upturned and positioned between two high cheekbones.  He turned his head a little and noticed his ears.  They were moderate size and close to his head, the earlobes seemed to connect to his jaw line, “Damn” he uttered.  Everyone had something about themselves that they disliked, for Mike one of these things were his ears.  They stuck out a bit and as a kid he was always teased about it, not any more he thought.  With all that’s going on he had no idea why that thought crossed his mind.  

He took a step back in order to get a better look at himself.  He looked at the image staring back at him, young, tan, muscular, naked. Naked!  Mike didn’t even realize he wasn’t wearing anything.  He looked down at himself and over to the doctor.

“ Hey man, it all right, you’ve been naked through out the whole process.” The doctor said.

Somehow it didn’t bother Mike as much as it used to- shit, he was a hunk!  He had a thick neck that flowed into broad shoulders that had caps of muscle on the shoulders.  “Damn, I look like one of those models in the magazines.” He said as he looked down the body that was now his home.  Well-developed pec’s sprouted two small dark brown nipples, he reached up to rub them, they had decent sized bumps and the action was very pleasurable.  He had never given any thought to his nipples before, he was much more interested in women’s nipples, that could change… As he looked down, that broad chest tapered down to a small waist that displayed abs that must have taken years to get that hard.  Mike noticed he now had an innie, a small disk recessed into those massive abs.  As his gaze continued, “Fuck” came out of his mouth.  Mike stood there looking at the piece of manhood nestled in a golden blonde bush of hair.  Mike was always comfortable with his 5 incher, but he was now big, and uncut, and he had a mushroom head to boot.  His new cock hung there, and there was no hiding it.  It was very prominent, Mike didn’t know if it was the muscles, or just this guy’s anatomy, but he knew that from this point on his dick would always be one of his prominent features, there was no way to hide this.  As he looked he noticed his nice smooth balls.  Not a bad size and hairless, damn I guess this kid shaves his balls Mike thought.  He finally pried his eyes off his dick and balls and looked at the legs that supported him now.  He could tell this kid spent a lot of time working on them, big hard ass, massive thighs and calves.  The thick ankles lead down to wide, big feet, had to be a size 13 or better.

“So, what do you think?” inquired the doctor,  

“Shit, I don’t know what to think, I’m a fucking 19 year old jock, I cain’t say I’d ever dreamed this was possible.” Mike shook his head did he really say ‘cain’t’?  Mike had always prided him self on his diction, he always felt it was the sign of an educated businessman to be able to converse with others and sound intelligent, now he not only had a 19 year olds body, he was talking like one.  Damn…

“Do you feel strong enough to get cleaned up and dressed?  There’s a walk in shower in the bath, and I sent one of the techs to Josh’s dorm room to pick up some clothes, I don’t think anything you own would fit that body…” the doctor said as he looked over toward the nurse when he heard her pager go off.

As it beeped Mike looked over toward her too, “ Damn, she ain’t bad looking for an older chic,” Mike thought to himself as he gave her the once over.  “ Nice firm tit’s” he thought.  He blinked and quickly looked away, this didn’t go unnoticed by either the doctor or the nurse, Mike blushed, though it was kind of hard to tell with that dark tan, but his dick at half mast was a give away.  Not only was he 19, Mike discovered he was horny as hell.

“That was the tech, he’s dropped off a bag with some of Josh’s clothes at the front desk, I’ll go bring them in” The nurse said as she waited for the Ok from the Doctor.  He nodded, and she left with a little smile for Mike.

“Doctor..Uh..Thompson is it?”

“Call me Jim, were going to be seeing a lot of each other for quite some time” the Doctor replied.

“OK, Dr. .. Jim, I’m sorry about that.”

“Tell me, what were you thinking?   ---No, I don’t mean it like that” Jim added quickly when he saw the look on Mikes face.  “I really need to know what was going through your mind just now.  It will help in figuring out what is going on with you.”

“OK, Jim,” Mike said as he sat on the edge of the bed, “ I was thinking she was pretty hot for an older woman, her tit’s looked nice and firm --.  Dr., ..Jim, that’s not me, hell she’s a lot younger than me, no way would I think of her as older.  Women her age don’t give me a second look.”

“Mike, you have to remember your body is operating with a 19 year old’s libido, physically you are Josh now.”

Mike sat there, he looked down at his hands and at his cock still at half mast.

“Listen, how about if I give you some time to get to know yourself.” Jim said with a little smile.  “A nice hot shower and some clean clothes will make you feel like a new man.” He chuckled.  Mike didn’t know if he was ready for levity about his situation, but he did get the drift of Jim’s other comment.  

“Yeah, sounds good” Mike replied.

“Tell you what, I’ll leave my cell number here, either give me a call or ask one of the staff to get me when your feeling up to a talk.  Take your time, I know it’s a lot to get used to.”  Jim said as he started out the door.

“You have no idea” Mike muttered under his breath.

“Sure I do” Jim replied, Mike looked a little sheepish; he didn’t think Jim could hear him.

“ Everyone involved in the program has had to go through the procedure.  Granted, it was only for a few weeks, and we all returned to our bodies after the trial run was over, but yes, I do know what it’s like.” Jim said matter-of-factly.  “ Listen, we’ll have lots of time to talk later about the program and our goals, but right now you have more pressing matters.” Jim chuckled as he walked out.

One of the ‘more pressing’ matters Mike had to deal with has the fact he needed to pee, bad.  As Jim left, Mike moved quickly to the bathroom and the toilet.  He quickly flipped the seat up and pulled back his foreskin and let a heavy stream flow.  “Damn.”  That felt good Mike thought as he looked down and the stream was lessening.  “Fuck, I didn’t even think about rolling my cock cover back” Mike thought to himself as he shook the last drops of pee off his cock.  ‘Cock cover’ Mike thought ‘where the hell did that come from.’  ‘Shit, why does every sentence start with an expletive’ Mike wondered.  He flushed, and flipped the shower on.  The warm steamy mist quickly filled the room.  Mike stepped into the shower and the warm stream of water felt great on his back.  His hand instinctively found it’s way to his cock and was massaging it before he realized it.  He was hard in seconds. Mike looked down and was surprised to see the large dark purple head of his cock.  It was so sensitive he could barley touch it.  It was much smother than his cock, the years of being exposed to his clothes had taken its toll on it, it was rough and desensitized.  The feeling was exquisite as he rolled the foreskin back and forth.  It hit him right then what a crime it was to circumcise boys, the pleasure he was feeling was so much greater than he had ever felt before.  He closed his eyes and went with the pleasure.  Images of big-breasted redheads filled his mind, he was playing with their breasts, he was eating them out, the pleasure grew. Before he knew it he was spurting his load, it came and came.  “Fuck, that was some load, I wonder when the last time this kid came” Mike wondered. Still feeling the glow Mike washed down the wall where his cum hit and proceeded to wash his massive body.  He thought about the redhead in his fantasy, he was always a sucker for blondes but that redhead really turned him on.  It felt good rubbing the cloth over his body.  He could feel the muscles that rippled just below his skin.  As he stood there and let the warm water rinse the soap off his body he realized something, he didn’t have any tan lines!  “Fuck, this dude must tan in the nude, I wonder if that’s why it didn’t feel strange walking around naked” he thought to himself.  That was a new feeling for Mike, he was never comfortable walking around in the locker room naked as some of the guys were, he was always ashamed of his pudgy gut.  “No more” he thought.  He toweled off, and stepped up to the mirror., looked at his face and decided he liked the little bit of stubble that Josh had cultivated.  The dark stubble matched his eyebrows and contrasted nicely with his golden blonde hair. Mike tousled his hair and it fell into place, “I guess that is one advantage to short hair” he thought.  Mike looked at what toiletries were available, he found a disposable razor he wasn’t going to need at the moment, a tooth brush and paste, some deodorant and a comb, all typical hospital issue.  Mike slid his tongue over his teeth, they felt gummy, he was glad to be able to brush them.  As he bent over to spit out the foam he noticed his lips – full, red, sexy.  He spit and looked at his large white teeth, they weren’t quite perfect, a couple of the lower ones were crooked, but the overall effect made his face look more masculine.  He stood there and took a long hard look at himself.  He was one good-looking dude.  A knock at the outer door stirred him out of his reverie,

“I’ll put the bag with your clothes on the bed” he heard the nurse say from the other room.

‘Great, thanks ma’am ” he replied. He reached for the stick of antiperspirant, opened it and was about to apply it when it hit him, he had some of the ‘fuckinest hairy pits he’d ever seen’.  Wow, where did that come from Mike wondered? The hair was golden blonde as was the rest of his pubes, but damn there as a lot of it!  He applied the goo, and then he noticed the bush of hair visible even when his arms were down, though the muscles held them a bit way from his sides.  He gave himself one last look and left the room.

There was a black duffel bag with the school logo sitting on the bed, Mike walked over and opened it up.  There was an assortment of clothes there, but all were athletic gear, sweats, cross trainers, Ts.  Mike found some boxers in the bottom, they all had funky prints, he chose the ones with a smiley face with its tongue hanging out.  As he slid them up over his legs, he noticed his legs were pretty hairy too, but since it was blonde he didn’t notice it before that.  With the amount of hair in his pits and on his legs he wondered if the kid waxed his chest, he decided he’d find out soon enough.  Mike found a pair of socks and he picked up a grey muscle T, it had a logo of course, and he slid on a pair of breakaway warm up pants, and he pulled out a pair of cross trainers.  After he tied his shoes he walked over to the mirror.  Mike stood there for a long look.  The T was tight and his prominent nipples showed through along with his pecs and lats. These were defiantly his clothes, they fit him well.  He looked down at his hands, he flipped them over and looked at his palms, he saw a few small scars he wondered how Josh got them.  He looked over to the clock, it’s had been over 2 hours since the doctor left, Mike was curious about what to expect, and to find out just how this had happened to him.  He picked up the phone and punched Jim’s number in…

Mike thought it was strange, his whole world had changed in the past few hours, he was walking around in some strange kids body, but he felt fine.  His reality shifted and Mike felt he should be terrified of what had happened to him, but somehow he didn’t, why?  That was the first thing he wanted to ask Jim when he got there.  Mike went and looked out the window, he could see the rolling foothills in the distance.  He saw all the students going about their business, laughing, running, goofing off.  Mike rubbed his eyes, “Shit I can see a hell of a lot better.” he thought to himself.    He heard something behind him and turned to see Dr. Thompson come in.

“Looks like you’re doing OK”,

“Yeah, I guess” Jim looked at Mike for a moment, not sure what to say, Mike turned to him,” This is so fuck’n weird -- how come I’ve never heard of even the possibility of doing this?”

Jim looked at him, “Come on man, you’re a smart guy, how would the world react if it discovered that there was a possibility that someone was not who they appeared to be – what if this fell into the wrong hands?”

It hit Mike, all the possibilities, “Shit.”

“Odds are you are getting hungry, want to go grab something to eat and talk?”

“Fuck, Yeah, ...” Mike responded.

As they walked down the hallway to the cafeteria, Mike asked, “How come it’s so easy for me to function in here, I’m walkin’ and talkin’ like nothin’ happened?”

“We’ve found that the consciousness is pretty resilient, it adapts pretty easily.  I was a woman for a few weeks when I did the exchange and that’s a lot bigger change than you’ve gone through.  At first it was weird but after an hour or so I was functioning pretty much as my self.”

Mike looked at him,” You’re shittin’ me”

“No- in some ways it a little like what you’re going through, Karen and I agreed that we would try leaving the physical in place and adding our ‘identity’ to the body.  I was me, but without the male side, it was --- interesting…”

Jim kind of trailed off in thought.  They rounded the corner and entered the cafeteria, picked up a couple of trays and proceeded down the line.  Mike and Jim continued to talk, and halfway through the line Mike looked down and noticed his tray, it was loaded with protein and no carbs, he blinked.  Just then the girl behind the counter asked him what kind of entrée he’d like, he looked up and smiled at her and immediately started flirting with her, she turned around to get him a plate and Mike undressed her in his mind.  He could just see her there, firm tight breasts bouncing around as she served and a great ass, he could feel himself getting more aroused by the second.

“Down boy!” he heard Jim whisper in his ear, he looked down and saw what Jim had noticed.  Blushing, he looked away.  They picked up the rest of their food and found a table in the corner, away from the rest of the late afternoon crowd.

“We can talk here.” Jim said as he set down his tray.

“Yeah, I do have a few questions.” Mike said with the emphasis on few…

“I know it’s a lot to take in, plus your dealing with a teenagers sex drive.” Jim stirred his coffee.  “I’ve got to warn you, you’re in the eye of the hurricane right now.  You’re Mike and you only have a bit of Josh to deal with. Over the next few days you’re going to be exposed to more and more of Josh, some you may like and some you may not.”  Mike looked at him with a bit of apprehension.

“One thing we’re going to have to deal with sooner than later is the fact that Josh has an addictive personality.  We’d like to go in and see if we can remove that portion of Josh, before it blends with you.”

Mike looked at him, “Huh?”

“Now that you’re stabilized, we’d like to ‘explore’ that part of Josh that made him drink too much and use drugs.  It’s in there with you, you just haven’t connected with it yet.  We’re hoping we can prevent that since our best guess is it will infect you, sooner than later.”  Jim let that statement hang there for emphasis.

“Hey man, I’ve had the occasion drink, now and then even a bit too much at times, but I’m in control of it.  Hell it’s been years since I even touched weed.  I should be able to handle this.”  Mike said a little indignantly.

“Like you handle the pocket rocket down there?

Mike blushed.   Jim went on,” You have to realize that you are dealing with a whole new set of needs, wants and abilities.  You’re 19 again, your in sexual overdrive, and that is just the beginning.  We don’t know too much about Josh, but what we do know raises some serious questions about what we may have done to you in our efforts to save you.  We have a small window to do this, we’d like to try and ‘correct’ this after we finish here…  I’m serious.”   He could sense Mike’s incredulity.

“What the HELL have you done to me!  I didn’t ask for ANY of this!  Now you want to fuck with what’s left of my mind!  SHIT do you hear yourself!  Did I get any say in any of this?  You ASKED Josh, he had a say, but me, I don’t get any input and it’s MY FUCKING LIFE!”  Mike hit his fist on the table.  The whole room was watching him.  He was staring at Jim and Jim just sat there looking like he was run over by a truck.

Jim sat there for a moment collecting his thoughts.  “Listen, this wasn’t my idea.  I’m a researcher, and I just happened to be working when this happened.  I’m the lead on this project, that’s why I’m here.  I never said I agreed with it, but the decision wasn’t mine.  I seriously thought about walking away, but I have had the most experience, if you can call a 3 week transfer experience, so I agreed to oversee it. You are unique.  You may be the first to experience a change in the way we look at life and death, you may be the last if we fail.  I don’t know if we just jumped off a cliff ethically.”   He sipped his coffee as he let that sink in.

“You are an intelligent man, you’ve lived 45 years, and you have to know what the implications of this are, if you only stop and think about it.  When I first got involved with this process I was intrigued, hell I still am, but you have to know that I wrestle with the ethical implications daily. Am I doing the right thing?  I don’t know.  I do know if I wasn’t here someone else would be, and that person my not have the ethical qualms I have.  I don’t need you to point out what I have done, I’m well aware of it.  I know it’s been done TO you, and I can only begin to fathom your anxiety, but Mike, you have to work with the cards you were dealt.  You could be dead now.”

Mike sat there for a long minute staring at his hands.  “Maybe that would be better.  Maybe it was my time…  Sure, this kid screwed up, we all did when we were younger, maybe not as bad as Josh, but we all were stupid and think we’re invincible at 19 or 20. Hell, my own 22-year-old son still does stupid things.  What right to I have to take another persons shot at life, no matter how bad he fucked it up?  He might have learned something sitting in jail for years, I don’t know.”  

Jim thought it was incongruous hearing this coming out of a 19 hunks mouth.  This was going to be interesting… “Listen, we have your whole life to argue the ethics of this, but we really need to address the issue at hand.  You are at risk if we don’t do something.  Face it, this kid is an addict, do you want to live the rest of your long life doing AA and NA meetings, that’s where this kid was headed, he just didn’t’ hit bottom yet   –well he might have now…  Anyway, I really feel we need to do this now, You don’t know me but your going to have to trust me on this.  Please.”  Jim sat there and looked deep into Mike’s eyes.  Mike had to understand the risks he faced.

Mike sat there.  What difference did it make if part of the kid he didn’t even know was removed?  Why was he fighting it?  Was it the part of him that was Josh?  Did he trust this guy sitting across from him? Hell, he just met him a few hours ago.  He mulled it over, what was that? He really wanted something, but what?   Damn, it was a cigarette!  He looked at his chest, how could anyone who worked this hard to build a body like this ever think of smoking?  It wasn’t an overwhelming urge, so he wasn’t a hard-core smoker, but the itch was there.  “Dude, I really need a smoke.” Mike said. More and more he was talking like Josh.  “If we do this can you get rid of that too?”

“I think so, but you’ll still have the carvings for awhile.  Does that mean you’ll agree?”

Mike took a long breath,” I guess.”  

Jim blinked, thank god, he thought, somehow he was beginning to really care about this guy.  He knew he’d be driven by his addictions for the rest of his life if he didn’t agree to this now, before they took root.  Still, there was no guarantee it would work, but he had had to try…

They picked up their trays, and dropped them at the pickup window and Jim led Mike toward the transfer facility.  Jim greeted some of his friends as they entered, “This is the team that oversaw your transfer” Jim said as he directed Mike to a chair that looked like it was appropriated from a dentist’s office.  Mike rested his heavy frame into the chair and tried to get comfortable.  Jim and a couple of his associates came over.

“This is Rick and Karen,” he said.

Mike took a quick look at Karen then at Jim, Jim gave his head a slight nod, otherwise nothing was said.  Now Mike knew what Jim was talking about.  She was hot, Mike felt his ‘friend’ stirring, and quickly looked away.

“We’re going to wire you up now’” Jim said. Rick and Karen attached leads to various parts of his head.  Jim brought over some heavy, dark, funky looking glasses.

“Here, put these on.”

Mike slid the glasses over his eyes, he couldn’t see through them.

“OK, we’re ready to start.  Mike, watch the image in front of you.”

Mike heard a click and some swirling colors appeared on the built-in screens of the glasses.

“The colors are keyed to your mind, and soon you’ll find yourself drifting off, just go with it.” Jim said.

The colors looked so great soon Mike couldn’t help himself and he was out.  Jim, Karen, and Rick worked hard exploring “Josh” and modifying aspects of his personality.  It was a long, time-consuming process, but at the end Jim felt confident he had been successful. He also felt he knew Josh better.  Mike would have an interesting life ahead of him, if Jim wasn’t mistaken.  Mike noticed a change in the swirling colors and slowly woke up.

“Is it over?”

“Yeah.” Jim said as he wiped his brow.

“Damn, I still want that butt.” Mike said,

“You will, it’s your body craving the nicotine, it’ll pass.  Rick, toss me one of your patches.” Rick threw a patch at Jim,

“Hope they work better for him.” Rick had been trying to quit for almost a year now, but the long hours doing research always did him in.  The University was smoke free, but luckily for Rick their wing was on the reservation, so again their laws took precedence. Jim handed the patch to Mike; he opened it, lifted his shirt, and attached it to his side.

“How long does it take to kick in?”

“Not long, 10, 15 minutes tops.” Rick replied.

Jim motioned Mike to get up and head back to his room,

“Hey, man – Good luck!” Rick said as they left.

“So that’s Karen” Mike said after they were out of earshot.

“Yeah, like I said, it was interesting.”

“Did you do it?”  Mike asked with a little smile.

“Wouldn’t you?”  Jim replied.  He let the conversation drop, he really wasn’t comfortable discussing his sexual experiences, especially as a woman, with anyone.  They got back to Mike’s room, quickly, the complex wasn’t’ too large.

“Listen,“ Jim said,  “ You are in for a rough night.  I’m going to stay in the room next to you in case you need me.”

“What do you mean, ‘rough’ night?” Mike asked.

‘Well, like I said, you’re in the eye of the hurricane, you are going to start to get to know Josh, I guess is the best way to put it.  The first thing is going to be your dreams, if it gets too bad, let me know and I’ll get you a sedative.”

Mike was tired; the experience in the chair did him in.  “OK, I guess, I am a beat.”  He put his hand out, “ I’m sorry if I tore you a new one earlier, it’s not you, it’s this whole fuckin’ situation.  Maybe it’ll be better in the morning.”

Jim took his hand and shook it, but he knew tomorrow would be worse not better.  “Get some sleep man, you’ve been through it today.” he said as he walked out the door.

Mike closed it, went to the bathroom pulled out his dick and let a thick stream flow.  He shook his dick before he let the foreskin roll back down, washed his hands and gave himself the once over.  “What the hell is going to happen to me?” he thought as he turned out the light.  It was dark already, he really lost track of time, glancing at the clock he saw it was after 11 PM.  He pulled off his shirt and tossed it on a chair.  He walked over to the mirror and twitched his pecks, it seemed natural, but Mike had never done it before.  “Must be part of Josh’s nightly routine,” Mike thought.  He pulled his pants off, dropped his boxers, and rubbed his balls, -it felt good.   He flopped into bed, pulled the covers up, and flicked out the light.  He put his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling, “What a long fuckin’ day it’s been” he thought.  Before long he drifted off to sleep.

Oh God, it felt so good, Mike just kept pumping, in and out in and out. He buried his head in those beautiful breasts, he wanted this to go on for hours, with every thrust his pleasure increased.  There was a tangle of legs, arms, fingers.  As he thrust from the front he could feel Tuck thrust from behind.  It was such a turn on to feel another cock finding pleasure separated only by a thin layer of membranes.  Tuck was ready to cum, he could feel him pressing on Kat’s back, Mike increased his thrusts as Kat moaned louder, no holding back now, he went deeper and deeper, OOOHHHH, GGOOODDD!  YES! He felt Kat’s spasms as she came, one more thrust and….AAAAHHHHHHH!!!  He collapsed on top of Kat, he could feel Tuck trying to roll out from under her. He looked at Kat, her body glistened with sweat, god she was beautiful!  He looked over at Tuck, his dark hair was all messed up, he chuckled, he knew how Tuck hates having is hair messed up, He’d tease him like hell about it tomorrow.  Kat slid over and kissed him, long deep and wet.  “Thank you, that was incredible!”  She turned and did the same to Tuck, he was lost in the afterglow.  They lay there in a tangle for a while longer then Mike felt he really had to pee.  As he untangled himself Tuck was feeling the same need. Kat rolled over and drifted back to sleep.  Mike and Tuck headed to the john.  Mike rolled back his foreskin and let the stream pour out, Tuck just let the stream flow.  They both arched their backs as the warm flow of piss gave them relief.  “Shit, bro’ that was fuckin’ incredible.” Tuck said as he slapped Mike on the back.  “Didn’t I tell you so.” Mike replied. He headed over to the sink and splashed his face with water as Tuck made his way back to the bed.  When Mike got there Tuck was curled up on one side of Kat, he took a position on the other side, he was glad Tuck was an ass man, he had those breasts all to himself…

Mike woke cold and wet.  He rolled over, “What the fuck ---!” He pulled the covers back and saw the cum covering the ripped abs.  For a moment he didn’t recognize the cock and abs he saw, then the previous day came rushing back to him.  He was in Josh’s body, “Shit”, was that a dream, or did that happen??  He wondered aloud.  Jim had heard him stirring and stuck his head in to ask if Mike was all right.   Mike quickly covered up, looking a little embarrassed.

“Hey man, it’s cool” Jim said, “ Go get cleaned up, I’m going to take a quick shower and change too, see you in 15…” and he was gone.

Mike flipped back the bedding, he and it was covered in cum.  “The hell with it” he thought and headed to the bathroom to pee and to get cleaned up.  After a quick 10-minute shower and a shave, the stubble was turning into a beard, he was dressed and hungry as hell.  “I wonder what’s taking Jim so long,” he thought as he reached for the phone.  Just then Jim knocked on the door.

“Damn, you really do look like a kid today” Jim said referring to Mike clean-shaven face.

“Yeah, I guess I know why he grew that stubble, I could pass for a fuckin’ 15 year old..” Mike said taking a quick look in the mirror. “Shit man, I’m starving.”

“ Me too” Jim said, “Lets grab something before we hit it today.”  They were feeling more comfortable with each other, but Mike skirted around what had happened last night.  Mike loaded up on protein again, and they found the same isolated table they had yesterday.  “So, you want to tell me about it?” Jim asked.

Mike got red,  “Do I have to?”

The simple reply was  “Yes.”

Mike proceeded to give him the highlights, getting hard in the process.

“Was it a dream?  Did it happen?  Who’s Tuck?”

“Tuck’s Josh’s best friend.  As to whether it happened, I don’t know.  But after rooting around in Josh’s subconscious yesterday, and reading up on his background, I’d say it most likely happened. “

Mike just stared at Jim.

“ I warned you.  There’s a lot more to come.  Josh was out there.  Sex, booze, drugs, it’s amazing he kept a 3.6 average and performed well on the field.  And, before you ask- yes he did do the work, the kid has, or had brains, and talent.  It’s too bad he was so fucked up.”

Somehow that bothered Mike.  Taking the body of a dumb jock was bad enough, but this kid had potential.  “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what? Live?”  Would you rather be in that room over there on a respirator? “ Jim said as he glanced to the west side of the room.

“He… I...  Josh’s there?”

“Yes”

“Alive?”

“At the moment.”

“Can I…”

“No.  At least not yet.”

Mike let it drop.

They loaded up the trays and dropped them off on their way out.

Jim wasn’t looking forward to what was going to happen next, but he couldn’t stop it.

As Mike was strutting down the hall in his new, muscular body he stopped short, “Shit!  What day is it?”  Mike blurted out with a Southern drawl, “How long have I been here?  Fuck, they’re probably wondering where the hell I am at work!  My neighbor is wondering when I’m going to get back, I’ll bet she is running out of food for my dog!”  Mike turned and grabbed Jim’s arm –“Why am I only realizing this now, did you fuck with my mind too?”

Jim pulled Mike’s hand off his arm and got a strong hold of his shoulder and forcibly directed him to an empty office down the hall from where they were.  Jim was glad that Mike didn’t realize he could easily take him with this new strength.  He kicked a chair over to Mike and sternly said “Sit!’

“What the hell do you think you were doing out there?  That was a common area, there are people who don’t know a thing about this Department and what we do.  It’s partly my fault, I should have warned you after your outburst yesterday in the cafeteria, but I had bigger issues on my mind.  You have got to keep this among us.  Feel free to talk all you want when you’re in our section of the facility but SHUT THE HELL UP in the common areas! Understand?”

Jim looked at Mike, Mike looked at Jim   Finally Mike said “Sorry, I’ll try and be more careful, but what the fuck is wrong with my mind?  I didn’t give a thought to any of this shit yesterday.  Why?”

Jim looked at him, looked at his watch, then back up. He pulled a chair over to where Mike was sitting.  “I don’t have all the answers, I can postulate why, but I can’t claim to know.  I guess the best way to put it is that your personality is starting to ‘coalesce’.  Yesterday you were the bare essentials of Mike, hung on Josh.  You were lucky to function at all.  We were really surprised that everything went as well as it did.  You have to remember outside of our group of six, you are the only other conscious person to experience this.  You know, in a lot of ways we’re finding our way just as you are, I’ll never claim to have all the answers, feel free to punch me out if I ever claim to.” Jim said with a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. “So, what do you want to do?  Do you want to go somewhere and talk, you look apprehensive.”  Jim said as he got up.

“Dude, I’ve got so many fuckin’ questions my head hurts!  I don’t know what I want, sumpthin’ is buggin’ me -don’t know what it is.”  Mike said with a perplexed look on his face, finally getting up too.  He stretched and wriggled his upper body like he had a kink, “I want sumthin’, need sumthin’ but I don’t’ fuckin’ know what.”  As he walked over to the window he reached in and scratched his balls, “Look, what about my life, it’s like I fuckin’ disappeared! My job, my house, hell what about my son?  Shit, I‘m what two- three- years younger than him now?  What about my ex?  How do I explain this to her?  Shit!”

“Ok, if it helps, you’ve been here a little over two days, they brought you in late Tuesday night.  You were out of it Wednesday, yesterday you woke up, today is Friday.  We think we covered for you at work, someone called and told them you got food poisoning and you were sick in bed.  That bought us some time.  It’s the weekend, so hopefully with you awake now we can come up with something that’s plausible by Monday.  OK?”

“Shit.”  Mike looked over at Jim, “How am I ever gonna’ get my life back?  I cain’t go back to my job looking like this – I’m a fuckin kid!  Nobody would believe me if I tried!”  Mike was turning toward Jim as he jerked and quickly flopped into a chair as images raced through his mind.  People he didn’t know - but then did, places that he’d never been that seemed familiar, things he had done but never done.  He was getting high, he was running, he was suited up on the football field, he was fucking his brains out, he was driving a convertible, he was lifting weights, he was talking of an older man who was his father but wasn’t, he was kissing a girl, he was waving to his mom, he was skydiving, he was taking an exam, he was with his brother, he was on a jet, he was skiing, he was in Europe, he was scuba diving, he was in his dorm room, he was drinking with his buddies, he was petting his dog. All these images and more rushed through his mind, they were there then they were gone. Mike stared blankly at his hands. “Fuck….” He said under his breath as he slumped into a chair.

Jim grabbed his head and lifted it up and looked in Mike’s blank eyes –“Man, you OK?”  He was impatiently waiting for some sort of response, a blink, a grunt, anything.  After what seemed like hours Mike pulled Jim’s hands off his face, “Yeah, I’m still here. Damn, what was that?”

“Wha, what happened?” Jim stuttered still unsure if Mike was OK.

“There were all these fuckin’ images, but not really images. It’s like I was doing stuff, stuff I’ve never done.  There were all these people I knew them but I never met them –does that make any sense? Mike asked with a tone of uncertainty.

“You connected with Josh.” Jim said matter-of-factly - relaxing a bit.  “They were his memories, odds are just a brief flash, but I was afraid we might have lost you for a minute.”  Jim pulled a small note pad out of his pocket and noted the time and what they were doing.  “Maybe we’d better get you back to your room.”

“How come I still know so much about myself?  Did you transfer all of me on top of Josh?  How am I going to sort all the crap out?  Back there when --whatever happened -- happened it was so fuckin’ real, I knew those people and places like it was me, but it wasn’t.  How the hell am I supposed to deal with being 2 people?”

Jim could see the terror creeping into Mike’s eyes, hell it was scary enough at first when he swapped with Karen, but it was only for a few weeks and he knew he would be back to himself then, this was so much more. ‘It’s going to take some time to sort it, you, out.  This is all new to us too.”

“So… so who am I?” Mike asked, “ I mean really.”

Jim stood there and looked at him.  ‘I don’t know if there is one answer. If we tested your DNA it would say you are Josh, if I asked you, you would say Mike Watson.  My hunch is if one of Josh’s friends came up to you he’d think you were Josh, if your son came up to you I have no idea if he’d know you.  These are things we need to find out.  As I told you when we first met I really have no idea who you will turn out to be.  I have to believe it scares the shit out of you, it would me, but you got to know we’ll do what we can to help.”

Mike got up, that brief experience had him wiped, instead of his now usual strut he shuffled back to his room.  Sitting on the bed he was afraid to sleep, what if he had another dream like last night – that was the last thing he needed now. Jim looked at him not sure what to do.  “You want something to help you sleep?”

“Fuck, I don’t know what the hell I want.  I need somethin’ but shit, I don’t know what it is.  It’s like a fuckin’ itch you can’t reach.”  Mike looked at Jim, pulled his shirt off and tossed it across the room.  Scratching his pits he looked up at Jim, “What the fuck is gonna happen next – am I gonna wake up as Josh?  Hell- will I even remember being me –uh Mike?  FUCK!”

“Hey man, chill.  You are NOT going to wake up as Josh.  But I do think you do need some sleep, let me give you a light sedative, it’ll let you drop out for a few hours, there are a few things we need to talk about this afternoon – OK?” Jim looked at Mike with a questioning look on his face.  Mike nodded and Jim went to get the meds.

“Shit!”

Jim came running back in  “ –What?”

“I was thinking about what a fucked up mess my life has turned into, and I remembered something you said when we first met – you said Josh, I, we, were in an accident and Josh’s friend Tuck was in the car – what happened to him?  Is he walking around in someone else’s body too?  Is he dead? When I get out of this place am I going to be charged with killing myself and this guy Tuck too?”

“Calm down, first off no one is dead.  Josh is still alive in your body and Tuck is in a light coma, but all indications are he’ll be fine. Second, it was the reservation’s Police force that handled it. The Chief assured us that once we rectified the situation that would be the end of it. OK?  But, that does lead me to what I wanted to talk with you about later, the University does have a responsibility to notify the families of students of any accident, and Josh’s father is flying in this afternoon. Tuck’s folks are already here.  In fact they’ve been asking about you.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck FUCK! “ Mike exploded as he beat the pillow.  “Can this Goddamned day get any worse?”

“Listen, we have time-“

“What to Fuck this up even more! Shit! We’ll just fuckin’ have to come clean, tell the tru-“

“Are you some kind of friggin’ idiot?”  Jim cut him off, “First, you KNOW this is top secret, second who would believe you?  Hell, you didn’t believe it at first and it happened to YOU!”  All this was getting to Jim he was loosing his objectivity along with his cool.

“I was hoping we’d have a little more time, that you might be able to access more of Josh’ memories so we could come up with some story that Mr. Hunter would buy.”

“Hunter?”

“Huh?”

Mike replied, ”You said Hunter, you never mentioned my- Josh’s last name before.”

“Oh, I guess I didn’t.” Jim let it drop.

“Shit, what am I supposed to say to him- ‘Hey dad, I don’t know who the fuck you are!’?” Mike just stated at Jim.

“Well, it’s an over used cliché but you could fake amnesia- that would buy us some time- you were pretty shook up in the accident and Tuck isin a coma...” God, Jim though, this was sounding more like a Soap Opera as each moment went by.  Jim stood there for a long moment, looked out the window at the rolling green hills that formed a backdrop for the University. Deep in thought, he tried various scenarios, finally it hit him -  “Just wing it-“

“Huh?’ was all Mike could say.

“You’re a father, you made the comment your son has screwed up, more than once I bet, right?”  Mike nodded.  Jim went on “did he ever really fuck up?”  “Yeah, there was the time-” Jim cut him off “ I don’t need the details, how did you react?  If you are like my father I bet you did all the talking didn’t you?  After all you totaled another car, injured your best friend, and this isn’t the first time.  No doubt he’ll go through the roof, all you have to do is react and mumble accordingly.  I’ll sedate you lightly, so you look a little out of it, Damn this might just work!” Jim was pleased with himself.  Looking at his watch, “the plane gets in at 2:30, half an hour to grab a cab and get here, it’s 11 now, that gives us about 4 hours…  Did you ever figure out what was bothering you?”

“Not really, I kinda’ feel like I need to do somethin’ I ain’t sure what.” Mike said as he kneaded his hands. “Maybe it’s all this energy I got, hell a few days ago I was 45, now I’m 19-“ it hit him “ Fuck, I need a good workout-“ his body was telling him things it’s mind used to know.  Looking down at himself, the large muscles waiting to be put to work, Mike had an urge to go for a nice long, hard, run, he needed to burn off some energy. “Listen, I, we’ve, got time -can I go out and run a few miles? It shouldn’t take too fuckin’ long-“

“No. Damn man, you’re supposed to be recovering from an auto crash, supposed to be a little out of it, it isn’t going to do much to convince Mr. Hunter to leave after he reaming you out if someone sees you doing wind sprints is it?”  Jim just stared at him.

Looking sheepish, Mike hung his head “No…”

“Here, take these.  They’ll knock you out for a few hours and leave you a just groggy enough to deal with your ”Father”. OK?” Jim set the pills on the table.  “I’ve got a few things that are demanding my attention to deal with right now, will you be alright if I leave?  Karen’s in her office around the corner if you need something, but I doubt you’ll be awake long enough to need anything after you pop those. All right?”

Mike nodded. Jim closed the door on his way out.  Mike decided to take a piss plus he needed some water for the pills.  As he walked into the bathroom he glanced at himself in the large mirror over the sink.  “Who the fuck are you dude” he said to himself. Washing up after peeing he stated deeply into his blue eyes, wondering what they had seen, what the kid behind them though of the world, of himself.  Walking out of the bathroom he looked around the room and out the window. He could see some girls lounging in the grass a few hundred feet away, and before he knew it he was hard.  He looked at the time 11:20, he wondered how long it would take to get this guy off, “shit, why not?” he thought.  He looked around for something to use as lube, didn’t find anything, and decided to play with his foreskin, he never really did get to examine it before…  Before he knew it he was deep into a fantasy about another red head, this one was a little on the thin side but damn she could move.  Too soon it was over, his chest was covered in cum, almost as much as yesterday in the shower, and this morning.  He chuckled to himself, “damn, high output balls, cool!”  He cleaned himself up and decided to pop the pills, soon he was in a deep dreamless sleep.

Jim flopped into his well-worn desk chair, “Problems, chief?” he turned, Karen was standing in the doorway. There was a time when he thought it was cute to be called “Chief”, after all they were on Indian land and he was their team leader, but not today. “God, I don’t know what we’ve gotten into, and hell if I know how we’re going to get out of it.  We’re all academic’s, not “Covert OP’s or even fucking Soap writers.”

“Huh?”

“Josh’s father is on the way in, and I have no idea how we’re supposed to cover this up, I even suggested Mike feign amnesia, but he wouldn’t buy it.  I really don’t think I’m ready to go public, even with Josh’s father, there is just too much we don’t know yet.”  Karen pulled over another well-worn chair that was pretty much molded to her form; all the hours they had spent over the years in the small office space took their toll on the furniture.

“How’s the subject doing?”

Jim glared are her, “The ‘Subject’ has a name, it’s Mike.” He said curtly.  He looked at her and realized he was loosing his scientific objectivity and he needed to take a step away from Mike, whom he felt was becoming a friend.  “He had a memory flash a while ago, I was afraid we lost him.  It was a little like what we went through, but a hell of a lot more intense.”  Karen nodded thinking back to when she flashed on being a man.  She had a little smile as she ‘recalled’ Jim’s first fumbling attempt at pleasing a women when he was 15.  Having shared memories was something they had learned not to bring up, for some reason it was painful for Jim.  It was interesting for her, she was the only woman on earth who had experienced sex from both perspectives, she thought it made her a better lover, though with the long hours they all put in she had little chance to put her theory to the test.

“I take it he came through it ok?  What was his pulse rate?”

Jim looked at her “I was more interested in his mental state, I didn’t check it.”  Karen was always a better clinician than he would ever be.  “It was weird, for a little while the cocky kid was gone, Mike kind of shuffled back to his room, he almost had an air of defeat about him.  It didn’t last long, I stepped out to get him a sedative and he almost exploded.  He’s still having a lot of feelings of guilt over surviving and when you couple that to all the changes he’s going through we are going to have to be very careful in how we handle him and the whole situation, this whole thing could blow up in our fuckin’ faces.  I don’t think we were ready for this, it was just too soon.”

Karen agreed, at least internally, she knew better than voice it at this point. “So, what’s next – how do you plan to proceed?”

“We, I just need to get him through the next few hours, then we can take a breath and try to deal with next week and creating a cover story for Mike’s family and employers.”

“So, have you checked in on Josh?  Some of the swelling has gone down and he is looking more human, but he’s still out of it, he may never regain consciousness.  I hate to say it but that may be a blessing for him and us.”  Jim knew she was right, but the scientist in him would love to see how Josh functioned and adapted in his new form.  “What if we just tell his family and co-workers he was in a serious accident?  It’s the truth… “

Jim thought about it for a moment “Yeah, but we already told them he had food poisoning how do we switch stories now?”

Karen looked out the window, it was on trait they both shared when they were deep in thought,  “Well… How about after he left the hospital he had a relapse while driving, and was nearly killed in the resulting crash?”  Jim chuckled, before this was over they could both be fiction writers.

“That might work, Josh is definitely too messed up to be moved, if he survives we could somehow insist on doing long term care at this facility, though I don’t know how we’d pull that off. But shit, it’s the best option we have at this point.  That just leaves one side of the equation to work with which is a hell of a lot easier.”  Making that decision lighted Jim’s mood, he glanced over at the clock and noted the time. “Damn, just a little over an hour to show time…  I gotta’ grab something to eat.”

“…up.. can you hear me… Wake up!  Mike, come on man you gotta wake up!” Jim was shaking Mikes beefy shoulder.

“Mmff?  Huh?  Shit! What time is it?” Mike sat up with a jerk.  He rubbed his eyes looked over a Jim,  “How fuckin’ long was I sleepin’ he drawled.  His southern accent seemed even deeper now.

“A couple of hours, it’s a little after 2.  We got about 45 minutes before Josh’ father gets here, do you think your up for this?”

“Shit, no.”

“Well you- we don’t have a choice.  We just need to get thorough the next few hours and then we can regroup and formulate a longer-term plan.  Karen and I have some ideas we’d like to discuss with you later, but now we need to get you ready for Mr. Hunter. Let’s go.”

“Go where?”

”I’ve got a room set up in the medical wing of the hospital.  I got lucky and got you a room on the floor above the one Tuck is on, I sure as hell didn’t want you running into his folks while we’re there.  We’re going to have to put that off as long as possible.  Luckily Tuck has a record too so his folk might go a little easier on you when you do meet up.  But in the mean time Mr. Hunter is on his way in.”

“Damn,  what the hell is his first name, I should at least know that.”

“Ok, thumbnail sketch of what we’ve been able to put together.  Josh’s father’s name is Jacob, his – your - older brother is Jacob III, but he goes by J.J., his mother’s name is Marie, they are an old southern family from Georgia.  OK man, get your ass in gear, we don’t have a lot of time.”

Mike had his swagger back as they walked to the main section of the University Hospital.  It was hard to keep focused, there were so many great looking women, Mike’s body seemed to have a mind of it’s own, Jim had to keep him on track for his first outing.  Before long they were on the 8th floor in a private room overlooking the main portion of the campus.  Jim tossed Mike a standard hospital gown and Mike changed into is and was getting into bed when they heard the commotion out in the hall.

“Listen little lady, I want to see my son NOW!  Where is he?!”  Shortly the young nurse showed the older man in to Mike/Josh’s room, “Right here Sir..”  “Thank you, you’re excused I want to see my boy in private!”

“OK BOY, WHAT THE HELL IN ALL THAT IS GOOD IS WRONG WITH YOU! HOW MANY MORE TIMES ARE WE GOING TO HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS CRAP!”  At point Jim cleared his throat, “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!” the older man said.

“Jim Thompson sir, I’m in charge of your son’s care” Jim said as he stepped forward offering the older man his hand.  The senior Mr. Hunter ignored it.  “Leave!  I need to have a talk with my boy here.”  “Sir I can’t do that, he’s been through quite a bit and his condition is improving but it’s far from stable.”

“I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT HIS CONDITION, NOW GIT!”

Jim stifled a gulp, he didn’t want to show any weakness to the older man, “OK sir, just for a few minutes, but I have to ask you to keep your voice down, your son isn’t the only patient here.”  With that Jim turned on his heel and left closing the door behind him.

Mike’s eyes were wide throughout this whole scene.  He didn’t know what to make of it.  There was something familiar about his “father” but he couldn’t place it.  His mind was racing, but Jim was right, Mike would do little talking during this visit.  He tried to take a deep breath while his “dad” focused on the young doctor, but the older man could sense the terror in his eyes when he turned to talk to him.

“My God Boy!  You’re a Hunter! You Damn Well Know Better!  Is Your Only Focus In Life to Embarrass This Family!  Your Brother Fucked Up Enough When He Was Your Age, But He Doesn’t Hold A Candle To You Boy!”  The Senior Mr. Hunter had lowered his voice, but there was no mistake who was in charge.

Mike was searching his confused mind there was something so familiar about the older man.  Was it a memory from Josh?, he didn’t think so, the older man was just so familiar.  As the older man railed on, getting red in the face, Mike’s mind was working. “Shit” he thought to himself the synapses finally connecting; the older man was Senator Hunter!  Damn, Mike thought Josh came from old money, really old money.  The Senator had been a fixture in the senate for over a decade, as had his father before him.  Think man, what do you recall?  They did a piece on the Hunters on 60 Minutes a while back, a story about political dynasties, what were some of the details?

“BOY, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!”

That stirred Mike out of his reverie. “Yes sir.” Mike gulped.

“Good!  If your grandfather hadn’t set up those trust funds I’d cut you all off, your brother, your uncle and you, but the old man tied my hands. I’ll be Goddamned if you will fuck up my political career. We’ll do what we can to down play this in the media, but after this you’re on your own!  DO YOU UNDERSTAND BOY!!!”

Mike started to reply but the Senator cut him off ”Shut the Fuck Up, there is NOTHING you can say to me to explain you doing this again, we went through hell last time and you fuckin’ promised your Grandfather this would never happen again.  He’s barely in the grave 6 months and here we are agin’!  I don’t want to hear a fuckin’ word from you!  From now on, you will show up for photo op’s and what ever function I deem you to be needed at, but that will the extent of your involvement with this family! UNDERSTAND?!?”

“Sir –“

“Don’t’ fuckin’ Sir me, a simple yes or no will do!”

Mike said a quiet “Yes” under his breath. The older man glared at him, and turned an left, making Mike feel as if he took all the air in the room with him.

“Shit” Mike said to no one.

The senator saw Jim in the corridor.  Grabbing the lapel of Jim’s lab coat, Senator Hunter glanced around for an empty room, found one and pulled Jim in.  “I want you to keep a lid on this!  Understand?  Do what you need to fix the boy up; I doubt there is much you can do to fix his attitude.  Is there anything I should know?”

“N-no Sir.  He should make a complete recovery in a few days.  I really think this experience changed him.”

“How the hell would you know what can change my son?  Fuck, some of the best doctors in the world tried to straighten him out and failed, how the hell do you think you can make a difference?  Now, what about the man he hit? Is he dead? ”

“No sir..”

“At least that’s one fuckin piece of good news.  Is he talking about pressing charges?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why the hell not!”

“He, he’s in a coma- his family isn’t here yet.”

“Listen, you seem like a reasonable man, if you can prevent the man from pressing charges there is something in it for you.  Understand?”

“Senator, are you trying to bribe me to cover up a crime?” Jim’s mind kicked into gear.

“Hell no.  I’m just saying it would be in the best interest of all involved, the man, the University and your career if this thing went away, and I have the connections on the University board to make your life hell if it doesn’t” With that he turned and walked out.

Jim smiled to himself, “This could work out better than I ever thought.” He mused to himself.  Hell, he might even end up with a bigger departmental budget after this all blew over.  “Shit- Mike!’ he said as he trotted down the hall to the hospital room.

As he rounded the corner in to the room “ Dude, where the fuck you been?!?!”

“The Senator button holed me, what do you think happened?  I’ve got my marching orders where you are concerned.”

“Shit, you too?”

They shared a knowing look between each other briefly. “Let’s get the hell out of here before someone sees you. I sure as hell don’t want to deal with Tuck’s folks now, the Senator was more than enough for one day, hell he was more than enough for one lifetime!”

Mike changed out of his hospital gown, and they went out through the back corridors.  When they were safely out of the medical wing they both seemed a little more relaxed, “So dude, you said you had some ideas on how to handle my situation?”  Mike inquired.

Jim looked around, the halls were empty, “Yeah.  Karen and I brainstormed.  We called your office Wednesday and told them you had food poisoning and that you should be able to travel by the week’s end.   What we came up with is that you insisted on leaving, something about getting back to your job, or what ever you think would work, and you were still too ill to drive and you drove your car into a tree or embankment or something.  That would explain your, or should I say Josh’s current condition, and if “Mike” dies then that issue is settled – not that I want that to happen.”

Mike looked at him, “Shit, what a fuckin’ way to go out.  Weeks away from getting off the road and “I” buy it due to food poisoning.  I dunno…”

“Listen that would get your ”Father” off our backs too. Hell, he all but guaranteed me a payoff if I made this go away.  If we go this route, then the only wild card is Tuck and his family.  We’ve got no idea how that will play out.  Maybe we’ll have more to work with when Tuck regains consciousness; I’ll go in then and see how much he remembers.”

Mike stopped short “Who all know about what happened?” he drawled.

“You, me, my staff, the deputy that found you and the Tribal Chief – why?”

“Dude, was Josh driving?”

“Yeah.”

“But what if he wasn’t?”

“Shit, what are you getting at?”

Mike’s eyes lit up “What if Tuck was driving?”

Jim took a hard look at him “I don’t know if I like what you’re getting at, Josh was driving”

“Yeah but if we are goin’ to fuck with what happened to me, Mike I mean, what if we fuck with what happened to Tuck?  Would the Tribal dudes go along with it?

Jim looked a little incredulous “The chief is a great guy but I’m not sure he would go along with this.”

“Even to keep the project secret?”

“Well, perhaps… if he was approached in the right way he might go along..”

“You’re a fuckin’ doctor --how much is Tuck gonna’ remember?  I recall reading some shit about people in trauma never remembering what happened just before the shit came down.  If he is told he was driving who the hell is gonna’ tell him different?  You said he has a record too, if we’re both OK, and no one else was involved there’s no harm no foul.”

Jim looked at Mike, “I’m glad I never had to deal with you before this happened if that’s how your mind works.”

“Hey dude I ain’t no angel, I did my share of fuckin’ up when I was young, and I learned how to deal with people.  20 fuckin’ years of doing sales on the road you learn how to work the angles, I ain’t proud of it, but that’ just how it is.”

They walked the rest of the way to Mike’s room in the wing of the facility that housed Jim’s research department with out saying a word. Jim deep in thought, Mike tired and excited about clearing up some of this potential mess he found himself in.  If this all came together he’d be a free man, at least he’d be able to sort out who he was.  After the past day or so that was a lot more than he thought he could expect.

“Dude, can you score me a couple more of those pills?  They fuckin did the job and after the day we’ve just had I could use some z’s.”  ‘Shit’ Mike thought to himself, after things settled down a bit he was gonna have to work on this kid’s vocabulary.

Jim hesitated, he didn’t want to overmedicate Josh’s body after all the trauma it had been through, but hell he needed some down time too and if he had to keep an eye on Mike again tonight that wasn’t going to happen. ‘Yeah I guess so, but this isn’t going to become a pattern --we worked our asses off to get rid of Josh’s addictive personality yesterday, there is no way I’m going to let you get used to using these things.  Understand?!?”

“Doc, I’m cool – it’s just for tonight.  Cool?”

Jim reluctantly nodded and when over to the locked med room and punched in his code.  Mike stood there waiting, pretty much wiped out from the day’s activities and it was only early evening.  ���OK, this is the last time. Tomorrow you deal with what ever comes when you sleep, cool?”

“Yeah, cool.”

Jim pressed the green pills into Mike’s big hand.  “With the dose you had earlier, that should easily put you out for the rest of the night and well into the morning.  If you’re not up by 10, I’ll come in and wake you – OK?”  Mike nodded, “OK man get some rest…” Mike went into his room and Jim went and collapsed into the chair in his office, it wouldn’t be the first night he slept there.  “Hey chief, how’d it go?”

“Huh?  Sorry I didn’t see you come in.”

“So how’d it go down, did it play out as you wanted? Karen asked.

“Yeah, pretty much, but I had no idea how much of a devious mind Mike had.”

‘What do you mean?”

“Not tonight, I just want to do a quick bit of dictation and go hit the cot in the on-call room.  We can talk in the morning, but I think this all may just work out.  Wake me at 9 if I’m not up, OK?”

Karen nodded “ No problem. ‘Night.”

“Night”

Jim turned back toward his desk and pulled out his recorder.  He spent the next 30 minutes dictating the events of the day and his observations.  Satisfied he didn’t leave anything out he was ready for a decent night’s sleep, he didn’t even mind missing dinner.

[idombledore]

How to lose 30 kilos in 6 months and love every minute

Part 1 > Revelation in France Three years ago, my wife and I decided to call time on our marriage. It was a sombre final chat in the kitchen, sharing the last bottle we might ever share. We were sad but it made perfect sense. We’d tried. My wife said she’d move out down to her parent's house in the country and she asked me what I'd  do, I picked something random from the top of my idiot head and said “Spain.” “Spain?” she said and “Spain” I repeated. No idea where it came from. Maybe I just wanted my departure to be more triumphant, a little more exciting than moving in with parents. Whenever we’d have a fight, that’s what she’d do. I'd run my consultancy for twenty odd years and over that twenty odd years, my role had evolved into taking clients to lunch, dinner, shows and spectacles.  Nice if you can get it but it took its toll on my fitness. By the time I drove off to the Channel Tunnel, I was eighteen stone and I hadn't played a meaningful game of football in years. For some reason, a revelation always hits me a while after the event, more autopsy than eureka. Something that seemed so clear suddenly fogs up in deference to the new truth. Of course she was right, idiot. You always knew that. “If you can’t respect your own body,” she said. “How can anyone else?” And there it was. Respect your body. Respect your mind. Fitness. Breathe new air. Everything is going to change. If my automated blurting of “Spain” was taking me to Spain, then let it be Spain. I would return  triumphant, slim, toned and sleek and everyone would say how awesome and happy and better-without-her I was. I was more than halfway from Calais, driving to a small French town called Île de Ré, an island off La Rochelle on the West Coast. I remember the exact spot because the signs had shown their first direction to Le Mans. From that sign, 300km shy of my target, facing three more driving hours, I lost a lump of time I can’t account for. The next thing I knew there were signs for La Roche Sur Yon. I remembered it from my planning stage because it was pretty close to where I was headed. The sat nav confirmed I was suddenly only an hour from Ile de Rey in what seemed like a blink. I couldn't tell you why it happened and I have no idea what, if anything, I was thinking in the missing time. What I can tell you is the clarity on the other side. My new start. My new energy. My mission. Maybe the universe had supplanted a new person into me. Maybe it took me time to reboot. It felt like it. At that moment, I couldn’t possibly have imagined anything else. I’d booked a little room overlooking the harbour at Le Colonnes. I was soon checked in and I unloaded laptop and cables to start the mission I hadn't quite fleshed out yet. 6 foot 1. 18 stone. I fumbled my finger over the Body Mass Index chart, into the blue, sailing past green and into the orange, and just before getting into the red, there it was. My number. My target. 32.  I was actually clinically obese. I needed to be 24 to fit into that little green zone of health and fitness. 25% of my bodyweight was surplus. This was a holy **** moment as I pulled back from the screen. I closed the laptop and swore foulness on that 25%. My mission had shown its numbers and my plan had started. That night would be the finest French cuisine a man can enjoy and the next day, everything would change. Part 2 > Mission Planning I woke up remembering Le Skipper in the harbour, the fillet steak with crushed pea purée and dauphinoise potatoes that would serve as my turning point.Something I wouldn’t deserve again until my mission was accomplished. I was still buzzed. Normally, revelations are flushed with the first order of the day but not this one. The morning  after a revelation is a test of human willpower. If you fold at such an early point, there is literally no hope for you. If the stakes are this important and you fold, you, my son, are an idiot. As one lady said to me more than once, “It’s not a rehearsal, boy.” I wasn't sure if I was still an idiot or not yet as all manners of sweet and savoury things greeted me in the  breakfast room at the hotel. Bacon, eggs croissants, jam, cheeses and hams, but hang on, my eyes focused on something else, like they were being moved by another force. The fruit section. Normally I'd  be starting a three course mini marathon under the guise of getting the day some energy. Today though, I took a little bowl and filled it to the top with melon and orange, mango, cherries and all colour of things and I sat down with orange juice and looked over at big people and little people, busy people and relaxed people. I knew I was on a different level to them, just for now, in the light still shining on me. Your willpower gets a serious shot in the arm. I had more research to do about the exact food groups I'd  need but I knew this was right. Then the first glimmers of insubordination popped up briefly and reminded me that I had a fallback and that fallback was called lunch and every day I had a fallback plan to the next meal. Maybe fruit wasn't enough, surely a bit of bacon and cheese? No, fuck off, I said, turning a head or two in the dining room. I gestured an apology and then I smiled at the last cherry in my bowl. I munched that little cherry up. There would be no bacon or cheese. Those dark little glimmers were crushed and squished and left pleading as I got up and left the room. I was smiling as I approached Bordeaux. Today's destination was about six hours over the Pyrenees to Pamplona in northern Spain. This is where they do the bull run every July. Basque country, and the Bordeaux signs told me I was about a third of the way there. The night before had included two bottles of Fitou. Le Skipper was quiet and the staff had time to chat. After dinner, I was pretty much the only punter there so they wrapped it up and took me to Bar Kokot with their Austrian Rum. So, there hadn’t been time to do the work I needed but what a fine farewell to my old life. Yet another sign flashed my licence plate and said I was going too fast and I anticipated a box full of speeding tickets waiting for me whenever I got back to London. But I didn't care. I couldn't wait to get to Pamplona and get the laptop out, make my plan. A few hours later I was in my room at the Pamplona Catedral Hotel doing just that. I already knew how much weight to lose. Thirty kilos, almost 5 stone. One of the first results, I found out about the Okinawa diet. Okinawa, a little island off the south of Japan has the longest living humans on the planet. Taxi drivers are ninety years old and still dance. People eat whatever grows near them and that’s it. One photo I saw was of an elaborate table. You could sit about ten people round it. The table was a tea making machine. A few strips of bamboo were hooked up to an inlet and brought mountain spring water into the table. Most of the water would trickle out and continue down the mountain, unsure of why it had been put through the bother,  but when you turned a little handle, the water would be diverted around a spaghetti of pipes and on towards the bowels of the table. It would slip and slide through channels lined with fresh tea leaves and elements gradually heating it up as it travelled. Turn one of the eight  little taps under the  table edge and you have a steaming cup of the freshest tea. So, the fine people from Okinawa told me how you could eat perfectly well and get everything a body needs. And you didn't need meat or anything processed to do it. My first culinary casualties. I also learned that my whole eating schedule had been wrong all my life. The best way to do it is to eat small but eat often. I'd  been so proud of myself some days when I was too busy to eat anything and had six tons of dinner at about 9pm. Wrong. The body is a sensitive little baby. If it doesn't get fed often enough it throws its toys out the pram and truly believes it’s starving. It then converts what you do eat into fat, sensible storage for a rainy day when maybe you do starve. How a brain can fail to tell a body that it’s ok, no-one's going to starve is beyond me but apparently it does. So, by the time I'd  showered and got ready to see what this former bastion of the Roman empire had going for it, I had successfully mapped out my new diet. And it was all the stuff I like to eat anyway. I'd  start with some fruit, in deference to the first successful morning. Then give it a couple of hours and a little low fat cottage cheese on a wholewheat crispbread, and a few crushed walnuts sprinkled on it. Before what was probably the main mini meal of the day, about two o'clock, it was exercise. My wife’s brother had told me the body prefers to exercise then eat as it’s still burning, rather than the other way round. Maybe A little tuna steak with bok choy, a bit of spinach, greek yoghurt and some kidney beans or chickpeas. Amazing things chickpeas, fibre and protein all in one little pill. It wasn't a problem designing these mini meals, the problem was there was too much choice. If you're going to have pasta, have wholewheat pasta. If you're going to have rice, have wild rice or brown rice and not too much of either. Your 5 or 7 a day is so easy to achieve and better. Let your milk be zero fat milk, let your greens be asparagus, broccoli, kale, spinach, artichoke, sprouts and bok choy. Eat nuts, almonds, walnuts. Eat pulses. Kidney beans, chickpeas. Prefer fruits of the forest over others, raspberries, blackberries and the like. Loads of antioxidants. And let your booze be anything but beer, predominantly white wine and a glass of red a day comes straight from the doc. All the stuff I already knew. Lettuce, peppers, tomatoes, celery, onion, garlic. Jesus I could do a meal planner for a month without getting bored.   This was going to be tasty. I could still love my food but carry that aloof grin that comes with a man shedding timber and having fun doing it. I'd  know exactly how many calories came with each mini meal and how much exercise to do to burn them off. The laptop was closed up and my phone map and I set off to explore Pamplona. The city is called Iruna in the native Basque language and there was an ever-present but subtle show of the independence from Spain the Basque people had been after for a long time. Basque flags were draped over balconies and stuck on cars but a local told me, do not take a flag out in public or you’d get carted off. One local comedian had added a bit of graffiti to a low wall, poorly translated as “Anything but a free state is just a load of bulls.” Back in the hotel room, I tackled the exercise aspects. Swimming would always figure, especially in Spain, but what else? Running can be high impact, shin splints and the like. It would be rowing. It’s got everything, loads of muscles getting tickled gently, great cardio and hang on here we go, I can get a machine for the house for a couple of hundred euros. I'd join a kayak club or some such but winter was on its way and even the Spanish winter doesn't lend itself to being in the sea. And that was it, a meal for all moods and occasions and an all year round exercise regime. When it was too cold to swim, double up on the rowing. Just make sure you get in some form of water as soon as you finish exercising to loosen up your muscles. I also learned how little anyone should need a gym (apart from my little rowing machine of course). We really do have everything we need around the house. First of all, a running machine? What? Just run around the block. If you want to run uphill, run uphill. Muscle tone is also important. If you’re shedding tonnage, you want the tonnage that’s left nice and tight. Push ups, pull ups, weights, dips, pec toning, ab toning and your core. You can pull up on anything, a couple of chairs, backs together, get your balance and you’re away. Climb something. I'd  start slow. An hour on the rowing machine, weights and core stuff and finally fifteen minutes of laps in the pool. It was all mapped out. That evening, I sat down in a little restaurant I’d spied earlier, down some steps to a little square, live jazz music in the middle. The menu didn’t have much of the stuff I needed and I’d definitely give the “grosse crevette” and “assaulted pasta” a swerve.   I wondered if this would be a problem going forward. I remembered many menus and I wasn’t sure many of them were fit for my new purpose. But then I saw the celery and walnut salad. Fine, little glass of chablis to go along and everything was still on track. Part 3 > Execution The next day around four o'clock, I arrived at my final destination. A little town called Javea, a hundred kilometres south of Valencia. Look at Spain. There’s a little nose about two thirds down the east coast. Tip of that nose. That’s us, pressed against the sea by the mountains. It felt like its own little island.   First priority after wandering around was the supermarket. Go get the super foods. My place was in Cabo la Nao right up on the point near the lighthouse. My mission hadn’t been created when I booked it, but with my new mission head on, the remoteness of my location would be a good thing. When I went outside to get back in my car, I was reminded it had just carried me from London to south east Spain. Over those 1800 miles, the front of the car had accumulated a second skin of unfortunate insects. Insects of all shapes, colours and sizes had become one single cloak of wonder food for any bird that took a fancy. And they did. A feeding frenzy was underway and even this one approaching human and a mystery cat that seemed to appear from nowhere couldn’t scare them off. They each had an allocated section of bodywork to pick at and they did well but still couldn’t get it all off. The earlier casualties were part bug, part Audi. The nearest supermarket was down in the Cala Blanca bit and was called Consum. It was the strangest supermarket shop I'd  ever done. A hundred euros of good healthy stuff. I'd  never put walnuts in a shopping cart. But I carried the same internal smugness of someone whose every passing minute is making them healthier than everyone else. It was a hot day and I knew if I didn't get it all fridged up quick smart, for the whole six months here, there would be a sea bass, salmon, octopus and monkfish essence in my car. The pool was warm enough not to have to thrash around like a perishing salmon and it was my first test of where I was fitness-wise. It was a fifteen metre pool. Breaststroke was the best all round stroke for  what I was after so I took off up and down. I'd  have to do this for at least 30 minutes every day so how close was I? I managed about 15 minutes and thought it was a good start for day one. My own salmon was ready to go under the grill and I was hungry. Baby steps. The house and garden had to provide me with my makeshift gym. Soon, I had two sturdy wooden outside chairs back to back for pull ups, a couple of buckets from the gardener’s shed filled with pool water. The rest would need no props. The push ups over there next to the pool and that little wall would do the ab stuff. Suspend myself on it and hold myself there for ten seconds, ten second break, repeat until knackered.   I had a little go at all my disciplines. The props held up just fine and my routine was set. There was only one thing missing and it would be the majority of my cardio workout. The rowing machine.   In five days time, it would be on my doorstep. I carried on with my eating regime and stepped up the swimming and workout aspects and on day five, the rowing machine arrived. It was lovely and orange and it went right where I hoped it would, between two columns on the terrace. Then I suddenly realised, apart from the supermarket on day one, I hadn't been out yet. The days had been formed around my mini meals and exercise and going out didn't sound as healthy as staying in. But I had to prove to myself I could carry on the mission in or out. That night, I did go out, met some nice folks, Lee and Tracey from Southend and a drummer called Hector, saw a band and drank white wine and had lubina a la plancha,  grilled sea bass, asparagus and a few slices of grilled aubergine, every so slight drizzle of local honey. My taxi got me home at a reasonable hour and I got out without that heavy feeling I’d get when I went out back home. Always too much beer and always too much red meat. I took a quick stroll round my makeshift gym and my new rowing machine and then slept better than I had for ages. Tomorrow, a full programme for the first time. The rowing machine soon got me sweating. The readout was like trying to wish away the miles in the car, watching calorie after calorie clock away, minute after minute. The machine was fine, nice and easy, smooth strokes, keep your back straight. Pretty soon I'd  done my hour and I took a break for water. The weights and pull up and everything else was becoming faster and I was doing more of them. By the time I got into the pool, I was feeling muscle burn and my heart felt reawoken. With the help of a great little tool called Supertracker, I had it all mapped out. Today I would eat 1200 calories and  burn off 2000. And so it was for the next couple of weeks. The cats started popping in to see what this strange noise was an hour every day and soon they stuck around for some cheeky tuna and I had one or two pusscats to talk to while I worked out. The hour a day on the rower needed a bit more entertainment than the readout. By now I knew my pace and you just have to finish the hour come what may. Being in my own head was amusing enough but I needed a bit more autopilot. The laptop was enlisted to provide comedy shows and every so often, this Spanish course I was taking. The hour started to go by like the missing time I'd  felt in La Roche Sur Yon. I was doing more miles to the hour, I was doing more laps in the pool and I was looking forward to every stage more and more. Pretty soon though, the pool became unswimmable so I got a wetsuit but that only really extended it a few weeks. My regime changed and I doubled up on the rowing. My daily meal plans were sometimes not planned, just cobble together the right food groups in the right quantities. Some of the taste combos were worth jotting down, others didn't really work but still, the scales in the bathroom were starting to show results. I'd got down to 100 kilos from 108 in the first 3 weeks. I couldn't believe the progress. I was never hungry, I felt great and the pounds were escaping with ease. I'd have this done in a few more weeks. I started a weight chart and logged as much as I could, something to be proud of. Then the rate of weight loss slowed. I checked the scales. How could doing exactly the same thing every day cause a different result? I changed the scales so that it seemed more of a dramatic reduction. A bit more research told me the scales were fine, the programme was fine. It’s just the first bit of weight drops off you because you're reducing your water retention. After that, you work just as hard for half the initial result. And don't forget, the programme is increasing muscle mass as well, which weighs more than fat. That's fine. So be it. This was the realistic rate. Months not weeks. And I was enjoying it. I was enjoying succeeding, winning. This wasn't so hard. A couple more weeks went past and still the pounds tumbled. Sometimes the reductions were erratic, same programme, 2 pounds off one day, half a pound off the next. I didn't really need to know why as long as the weight kept dropping. The thing was, I had been looking at myself in the full length mirror by the door every day after my workout before the shower and I still didn't look any different. I knew all the machinery and logic associated with my mission couldn’t all be wrong at the same time so I was pretty sure there would be a decent reason for it and so there was. What you’re doing initially is sorting out your core. That’s where you’re losing the initial weight and water. Your core is what’s getting beefed up and fit, out of sight. It made sense enough to a layman but you still like to see changes. And then it happened. My jeans had been feeling a little looser than normal for a few days and then I realised I needed the belt in another hole. There it was, the first sign. I couldn't confirm it from the mirror but this was incontrovertible. Maybe it was something psychosomatic in my head showing me something, but soon after that, I started to see some definition around my middle, not so much abs per se, just prepping the ground for them. The pounds kept shedding off my weight chart. I will freely admit, I did have one or two blowouts, the need for a kebab and a cold beer, and I knew the numbers would show it, but I was now not actually fitting into trousers and shorts and some shirts looked like nightdresses. I needed healthy persons clothes. I have never felt so happy about an impending cost. I looked good, like I did in my 30s. By the time four months had passed, my target of 80 kilos remained and I was only a couple off at 82. I had two months to drop that and I knew I would. I looked at photos of me in london 6 months before and it was incredible. I looked like a different person altogether. I looked tired, heavy, dreading the next flight of stairs. Warning. This is a pivotal moment. When you’re ahead of the curve and bossing it, its easy to entertain the notion that you can ease off a bit. Physically, you’re probably right but don't do it. It changes your mindset from achieving something to already having achieved it but it’s not yet achieved. Rabbit and the hare. Achieve it first, then reward yourself with easing off. I hit my 80 kilos with five weeks to go and the next five weeks kept me there. It was done. I'd  smashed the shit out that 25%. It was gone. I took off from Valencia and landed at Gatwick requiring second glances at my passport photo. Yes, folks that really is me,  just an awful lot more of me. By the time I wandered down the street to the pub, I'd  already decided I wasn’t going back to the UK for good. Spain was my home now. My mission, my new life was born on the French highways and realised in the Spanish mountains. I wasn't even really thinking of the reaction I’d get when I walked in. I didn’t need reactions. I knew what I’d done. Me and my water buckets, pussycats, rowing machines, the glorious island of Okinawa and singing, dancing Spain. The reaction was complete astonishment. Not just someone telling you you look well. This was holy **** across the board. My choice of a pink leather coat to mark the occasion drew its own conclusion but I was stronger and fitter and more vibrant in mind and body.  And I looked it and we all knew it. Life’s new plateau had been reached with a simple regard for my own well being. A respect for my only asset. And it was simple, inspiring and very enjoyable.