#this literally like 10 minutes after John learns how to walk again

[ajaxxx-x]

[mermaidssonshipss]

touch

warnings: none i’m in a cute mood deal with it

pairings: jj maybank x reader

word count: 3.5k

Your eyes were currently glued to JJ’s face, the flames from the fire in front of you illuminating his face in the dark. You and the pogues were currently gathered around a small fire in the front of John B’s yard. A half empty beer bottle was currently resting in your grip, and you took a long swig of it, forcing your gaze to move to Pope who was currently talking about some essay he was working on, but you weren’t really listening. Currently, you were thinking about how good JJ looked across from you, his blonde locks flopping on top of his head as he nodded along with Pope, pretending like he understood a thing the boy was saying. You’d been harboring feelings for JJ for years now, pushing them aside and going about your life normally, but when you had alcohol coursing through your veins and he looked this good, it was getting harder to hide.

When you had first met the pogues, you had been a completely different person. You were timid, and spent all your time with your nose in a book, and you absolutely couldn’t stand being touched. The idea of physical affection made you uncomfortable for some reason, and you avoided it at all costs. Not long after you began hanging out with them, they picked up on the fact that you would move away at every touch, and you never hugged back, a look of discomfort always crossing your features. They gave you shit about it, but in the end, they respected it. Except for JJ. JJ liked pushing peoples buttons, and when he had learned just how to push yours, he ran with it. For the first few months, you fought him. Every time he would wrap his arms around your waist from behind and plant a sloppy kiss on your cheek, you’d yell at him, smacking at his hands and gagging as you wiped at your cheek. Every time he sat next to you, his hand resting on your thigh or wrapping around your shoulders, you’d huff and push it off, giving him a strong glare before shuffling away from him. Soon though, you stopped fighting him. He wasn’t going to give up, you’d realized, and somewhere along the way you’d actually begun to like the feeling of his touch. Now, as the years went on, the touches seemed to get more intimate, and when he wasn’t touching you, you found yourself pouting, wishing he was. His hand always seemed to reach out for yours, his fingers loosely intertwining with yours whenever you walked next to one another. When you were sitting, he would go out of his way to sit next to you, and he’d told people to move on many occasions. He would always pull you onto his lap, his hand resting on your thigh as his other arm wound around your waist, his head resting on your shoulder as he stroked your skin with his thumb.

Currently, he was sat across from you, the fire in-between you two, and if he moved the wrong way, the flames would block him from your sight, and you hated it. You were cold, and for some reason beer just didn’t taste as good as it did when you were drinking it in his lap. Kie, who had caught onto your feelings about JJ long ago, but decided not to bring it up to you, was watching you, a knowing smirk on her face. Though you were trying desperately not to stare, your eyes kept finding JJ, and you would pout for a moment without realizing it.

“Would you like me to cuddle you, y/n?” she asked, and your head snapped to her, a glare now on your face as she began to wrap her arms around you. Kie’s words had caught the attention of the boys, who were all now watching the two of you.

“Get off me, you lard.” you gagged, shoving her arms away from you as you huffed, falling back into your lawn chair.

“So it’s totally fine for JJ to cuddle you, but god forbid I try to help you warm up?” there was a teasing tone in Kie’s voice, and you could feel your cheeks heat up. John B and Pope both let out loud laughs, and JJ smirked.

“That’s.... he’s... it’s different!” you struggled, trying to find the right words, your arms now crossing over your chest.

“Uh huh,” Kie clicked her tongue, but dropped it, not wanting to push you too far, knowing you would storm off and ignore them for a week. The last time they’d teased you about JJ, you’d literally jumped off the HMS Pogue, swam back to the shore, and took off. They waited two days before showing up at your house, forcing you to hang out with them again.

The conversation was dropped quickly, the group falling into another easy conversation, but JJ still wasn’t near you, and you were still mad about it. Every now and then, you would catch him watching you over the fire, but he’d quickly look away when your eyes snapped to his. 

After a couple more beers, Pope had been the one to call it a night first, claiming he had to help his dad deliver in the morning.

“I get the guest room!” Kie suddenly shouted after Pope had left, running into the chateau.

“Hey! That’s like... my room!” JJ called back, chasing after her, leaving you and John B to put out the fire.

When you two made your way into the chateau finally, JJ was sprawled out on the pull-out couch, his shirt discarded and a pair of grey sweatpants covering his legs. He also had a scowl on his face.

“She really took the fucking guest room.” he grumbled, and you laughed lightly at how disappointed he sounded, ignoring the pang in your chest. Kie and you always shared the pull-out, meaning JJ had to share it with you now, and he didn’t look very happy.

John B just shook his head, too tired to entertain the disgruntled blonde, and he waved his hands in goodbye as he made his way to his own room.

You stood there for a moment, biting your lip, before deciding you would just sleep in the hammock tonight, though you really wanted to sleep next to JJ. You snatched your backpack from the ground and made your way to the bathroom, slipping on your sleep shorts and the tank top you usually slept in. The shirt was a bit too small for you, as were the shorts, but as the boys were usually in their own rooms by the time you changed, and Kie was the one you slept with, you never really cared. Now though, as you tried to pull the shorts down so they’d cover your ass more, you’d wished you packed something else. After trying, and failing, to stretch out the clothes, you gave up, throwing the backpack over your shoulder as you exited the bathroom. You hoped JJ was asleep by now, so when you walked by him to go outside to the hammock, he wouldn’t see you. 

He wasn’t.

His blue eyes were watching you intently as you entered the living room, and you scrunched up your nose at him as you tossed the bag back onto the floor. He had a smile on his face now, the disappointment and anguish that had been on his face was now gone.

“I forgot you usually sleep out here with Kie.” he spoke, and you shrugged as you made your way to the door, not noticing the change in his mood.

“It’s fine, I’ll sleep on the hammock outside tonight.” you replied, not making eye contact with him.

“Hey, what? No!” he rushed, and you heard the springs underneath him screaming under his weight as he pushed himself off so he was stood in front of you, “We can share the pull-out, it’s not a problem.” he was looking down at you, his eyes hopeful.

“You sounded pretty disappointed about it like 10 minutes ago.” you mumbled, looking up at him through your eyelashes.

“That’s because I forgot you also slept out here.” he replied simply, “Wasn’t happy about giving up the comfy bed in the guest room, but if it means I get to sleep next to you, I’m cool with it.” he shrugged, and you raised an eyebrow at him, “Gives me more time to irritate you,” he added quickly, and you noticed his cheeks turning red slightly. 

“Hm.” you smiled at him, moving around him now as you crawled onto the pull-out, quick to throw the blankets over your exposed legs.

JJ bounced next to you, the springs underneath you two once again creaking as if they were about to snap at the action. He reached over and turned the light off before settling in next to you. About a minute passed before the bed moved, JJ throwing his arm around your waist as he pulled you into his side. You whined softly, pretending like you weren’t absolutely swooning, and you heard JJ laugh.

“Told you I was gonna irritate you.” he was looking down at you, the open window above the two of you allowing you to see the large smile that was currently on his face.

“Didn’t doubt it for a second.” your laugh was quiet, and JJ leaned down, pressing a soft kiss against your forehead. Your eyes closed at the action, your body curling into him, moving on its own accord.

“Goodnight, y/n.” he whispered, resting his head down on the pillow next to yours, and you shivered slightly as he moved his hand underneath the bottom of your shirt, his hand resting on your skin, warming it up.

“Goodnight, JJ.”

***

Your eyes fluttered open slowly, morning light beginning to peak into the living room. It took you a moment to realize that you had been curled up against JJ, your body almost on-top of his as he slept peacefully. You had been draped across his bare back, his head smashed into the pillow. You sat up slightly, resting your arms on his back as you watched his thumb gently caress the pillow he was holding onto. You smiled at the thought, holding in a laugh. Without putting much thought into it, your fingertips began trailing over his back, his muscles contracting under your touch in his sleep. His skin was soft, perfectly shaded from spending his days in the sun, freckles here and there on the skin, and you wanted to kiss every inch of it. You rested your chin on his back, continuing to move your fingertips slowly, now trailing them across his shoulders.

Unbeknownst to you, JJ had woken up the second your fingertips had begun trailing against his skin. He kept his eyes closed, struggling to keep his breathing even as his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. When he felt your lips pressing against his shoulder blade, he almost gave himself away. Goosebumps had raised on the flesh, his breathing stuttering as he struggled to hold in the sigh that was fighting to be released. He was about to turn over, throw caution to the wind and kiss the crap out of you, but before he could he felt you raise your body off of his, rolling back on to your side of the bed. His hand gripped the pillow in his hand tightly, and he wanted to kick himself for missing his chance.

***

You were drunk. And you couldn’t stop thinking about how bad you wanted to kiss JJ. There had been a party at the boneyard, and of course, you all had to make an appearance. After waking up next to JJ this morning, you had felt weird all day. The butterflies in your stomach each time he looked at you had become unavoidable, and the way you were so obviously leaning into his touch now was noticeable to everyone. So you decided to get drunk, which, after thinking about it now, probably wasn’t the smartest idea. You’d pushed through the crowd, trying to move as far away from JJ as possible, but you could still see the blonde mop atop his head as you looked over them. You were trying to avoid him, yet here you were, standing on a fallen branch looking for the fucker.

JJ was looking for you. You’d disappeared about half an hour ago, and he hadn’t been able to find you since. He knew how much you hated parties, which was why the two of you were always attached at the hip at them. Before you had joined the group, parties had been his chance to hook up with tourons, but now, he spent his time watching you, making sure you were okay, and most importantly, keeping other boys away from you. He was beginning to get frantic as he searched for you, not liking the idea of you being out there alone, no doubt drunk, while stupid tourons tried to hit on you. He wasn’t worried about kooks, or anyone else on the cut, at this point it was clear to everyone on the island (except maybe you) that you were his. The last time a kook had tried to hook up with you, JJ had broken his nose (you didn’t know about it, as JJ had threatened to break more bones if the kook told you). 

Finally, after what felt like forever, he spotted you across the boneyard. You were alone, thankfully, and you were standing on top of a fallen tree branch, trying to balance as you walked across it like a tight rope. JJ shook his head, excusing himself from the other pogues as he pushed his way through the crowd towards you. 

“Hey there, pretty girl.” his voice scared you, causing you to jump and stumble slightly, but you caught yourself, sending him a glare.

“Go away.” you pouted, jumping off the fallen log.

“I.. what?” JJ was confused, and kind of hurt, as he watched you take a seat on the log, deciding that standing up was too much work.

“I said, go away.” you replied simply, nodding your head at your own words, avoiding his gaze.

“Why? Did I do something?” he was worried now, confused as he tried to think about what he could’ve possibly done between this morning and now to make you angry at him.

“Yes. Yes you did.” you huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. He furrowed his eyebrows, his stomach sinking as he sat down next to you.

“What did I do? Whatever it was I didn’t mean to.” you were looking at him as he spoke, and his skin was glowing, and once again, all you wanted to do was kiss him. So you told him that.

“You make me wanna kiss you. And it’s frustrating. Because I shouldn’t wanna kiss you. You’re my best friend. But does that stop me? Nooooooooooo.” you shook your head and raised your hand, your finger flicking at his nose, “Like dude. I want to kiss your nose. Your fucking nose. But it’s just... it’s so cute. And your jaw! I definitely wanna kiss that, too. Just like... your entire face.”

JJ was trying his hardest not to smile. He knew he should stop you from talking, get you back to the chateau and let you sleep the alcohol off, but he was enjoying the way your nose scrunched up as you spoke, seemingly frustrated at the fact you wanted to kiss him. He wasn’t frustrated by that fact at all, though. In fact, if you weren’t so drunk, he would’ve shut you up by kissing you, but he figured he would save that for when you were sober.

“I’lll tell you what,” he finally spoke, standing up and grabbing your hands, pulling you up with him, “if you go back to the chateau with me, drink a bottle of water, and sleep the alcohol off, I will let you kiss my entire face tomorrow.” you beamed up at him as he spoke, and it was getting increasingly harder to stop himself from kissing you.

“And your lips?” you asked quickly, focusing on how he had said face, but not lips.

“And my lips.” he confirmed, laughing softly. 

You made it a few steps before you were whining about how hard walking was, and JJ simply rolled his eyes, but soon you were jumping onto his back, his hands wrapping around your thighs as he walked the two of you back to John B’s.

***

You woke up the next morning with a raging headache, Kie’s body passed out, her leg and arm sprawled over your body. You pushed her limbs off of you, pulling yourself out of the bed and stumbling into the kitchen so you could chug water and down some pain meds. The taste of alcohol was still faintly on your tongue, and you quietly tip-toed past the guest room and John B’s room, making your way into the bathroom so you could brush your teeth. 

When you opened the door to leave, you were met with JJ’s bare chest. You looked up at him, your nose scrunching in confusion at the smirk on his face.

“Good morning, pretty girl.” He said quietly, so not to wake John B up in the room next door to the bathroom.

“Good morning....” you trailed off. The smirk on his face was unsettling, to say the least. You knew you had gotten shit-faced last night, to be honest, you don’t even remember getting back to the chateau, and all you could do was pray you didn’t say some dumb shit.

“Do you remember anything from last night?” his smirk only grew wider, and you could feel your stomach beginning to sink. 

“No.....” you trailed off, looking at him expectantly. He just hummed, turning around and making his way back into the guest room, a shit-eating grin on his face.

You were quick to follow him, entering the guest room and closing the door behind you so you didn’t wake anyone up. 

“You can’t just... elude to something and then walk away!” you whisper yelled. He was sitting down on his bed now, leaning back on his hands as he watched you, an eyebrow raised, and you had to tear your eyes away from his exposed abdomen.

“You sure you wanna know?” he was still smiling at you, satisfied at the way you were squirming underneath his gaze.

“Just tell me, JJ.” you snapped.

“You went on an entire rant about how you wanted to kiss me. But not just kiss my lips, oh no, my nose, my jaw.. the whole face. It’s also apparently my fault that you want to kiss me.” as he spoke, memories from the night before came flooding back, and you were pretty sure if you were to look at yourself in the mirror, your cheeks would resemble a tomato. 

You stood there looking at him, your eyes wide as you bit down on your lip. For a second, you thought about trying to play it off as you just being drunk, but you knew there was no use. If you were known for anything, it was how honest you were when you were drunk. 

“Well.” you finally spoke after a moment, nervously tugging at the edge of your shirt. “So what if I want to kiss you. You’re still an annoying idiot.”

JJ laughed loudly at that, shaking his head at you as he stood up, taking a few steps closer until he was towering over you. 

“Just shut up, pretty girl.” before you could get offended, sans the pretty girl part, his lips were on yours, his hands cupping your heated cheeks.

You were frozen for maybe a second before melting into the kiss, your hands resting on his bare chest, your fingernails digging into his skin slightly as he deepened the kiss, one of his hands falling to your hip so he could grip onto it.

Somehow the two of you had stumbled back onto his bed, you resting in his lap with your fingers tangled in his hair as your lips moved in-sync. His hands were all over you, exploring every inch of exposed skin he could find.

Finally, when the two of you desperately needed air, you pulled away, resting your forehead on his. It was quiet between the two of you for a moment, JJ’s fingertips now trailing up and down your side slowly, relishing in the way you shivered at his touch.

“If I can remember correctly, I did promise you last night that you could kiss my entire face, and I am a man of my word.” he spoke after a moment, causing a small smile to tug at the corners of your lips, “Think we’ve checked off the lips part. Ready to move on to the rest?”

You were laughing now, shaking your head at the blue-eyed boy beneath you, his smile bright as he watched you lean down, your lips pecking his nose gently before you began to trail kisses across his entire face.

[cityofimagines]

My Angel – JJ Maybank x Reader

Summary: your relationship with JJ is still relatively new, but that doesn’t stop you from showing just how much your care about him after his has an episode with his dad.

A/N: this popped into my brain randomly because im in love with fluffy jj, and jj in general. i literally just wanna give him the biggest hug in the world 🥺 this is also my first real obx imagine so lmk what you guys think!! 

warnings: mentions of abuse

word count: 1841

It was currently a perfect day in the Outer Banks. 86 degrees, not a cloud in the sky, on your way to meet your friends on the dock. You finally found a time when everyone was off work simultaneously for the first time this week. John B’s boat was practically rotting from not being used in five days.

You fast walked down the hill to get to the meeting spot. As you got closer, you noticed most of the pogues plus Sarah Cameron, the newest addition to the group thanks to John B, all chatting.

“Hey guys!” You exclaimed as you neared them at the end of the dock.

“Hey (y/n)!” Kie smiled and ran up to give you a short hug.

“What’s up (y/n)?” John B asked, giving you a nod.

You shook your head. “Not much. Just excited to finally see you guys!” Which earned smiles from the rest of the group. Everyone was clad in swimsuits, t shirts, and flip flops, signaling that they were more than ready to get this day going. But before you could, you noticed something major was off. “Where’s JJ?” You asked looking around for your boyfriend.

“We were gonna ask you the same question.” Pope said.

“That’s so weird. We texted earlier and he was obviously down to come...I assumed he’d be the first one here.” You continued.

“Who knows maybe he’s just running a little late. It wouldn’t be the first time anyway.” Kie smiled and put a hand to your arm. “We can wait a few more minutes.”

You had been friends with all of the pogues for about two years now, pretty much since the week you moved here. However, you and JJ had only been dating for less than a month, so this relationship was still fairly new. You couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he was having doubts about you or your relationship. After that thought passed you wondered if something bad happened to him. JJ is known for having not the cleanest record, much to your dismay, so you couldn’t help but think he was in trouble. As more time passed, the more negative overthinking you did.

You checked your phone for any sign of him, but the only notifications present were from Apple telling you to update your software for the millionth time. The rest of the group had descended into a random conversation, but finally after 10 minutes of waiting for him you decided to speak up.

“Hey guys? I think I might go look for him…” You trailed off, looking in the other direction towards the rest of the island.

“It is pretty weird...JJ isn’t one to miss out on days like these.” John B added. “You want us to come with you?”

You smiled at his offer, but declined. “No it’s fine honestly. You guys go have fun. Don’t let me ruin your day.”

“You could never.” Kie said. “You’re sure?”

You nodded. “I promise it’s okay. I’m just scared something happened. I’m gonna go look for him and maybe we’ll meet up with you guys later if we can.”

Since your relationship with JJ was still so new, you were still learning how to manage spending time with him alone and spending time with the rest of your friends. You felt bad for leaving them because you hadn’t hung out all week, but something was pulling you towards JJ in that moment.

“Sounds good.” Kie finished. “Good luck and hopefully we’ll see you later!”

“Thanks guys.” You smiled one last time before turning to walk back towards where you came from. Your car was parked in a lot close by, so it didn’t take long for you to get in there and gather your thoughts. Where could JJ be? He couldn’t be at work, because he’s been working with Pope and his dad lately, so obviously if Pope was at the dock JJ would be too. The only other place he could be would be...his house?

The second that thought dawned on you, your face sank. His house.

JJ opened up about his home life to you pretty quickly into your relationship. You had known each other for so long before that he felt like he could trust you explicitly. He told you all about how his mom left when he was young, and how his dad is a disgusting physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic. This revelation led to a few tears and more than a few sleepovers at your house.

You backed out of the lot and sped down the streets as fast as you possibly could without it being able to technically count as speeding. Your heart was now pounding at the thought that something bad must have happened today involving his dad.

After a too fast car ride you came up on his street. You parked across the street in front of his house, not even daring to go near the driveway because who knows what his dad would do. You weren’t even completely sure his dad knew you existed.

You felt crazy walking around to the back door dressed in a bikini with nothing but an oversized t-shirt covering you, a messy bun sitting on top of your head, sunglasses behind your ears, and cheap flip flops.

Once you got up to the door, your hand hovered in front of it in a knocking position. Suddenly you were terrified. What if JJ wasn’t even here? What if you were just being a stupid worried clingy girlfriend? What if his dad answered? What would you even do in that situation?

A crazy thought came over you and you decided to forego knocking and reach out for the doorknob instead. You turned it quietly and the door clicked open. You closed it behind you and took a look inside at the house you had only seen a couple times before. Beer bottles lined every open surface. Clothes and dishes were strewn everywhere, medicine bottles sat on the kitchen counters. You bit your lip to keep from tearing up at the sight. The fact that this was the only place the boy who had your heart had to call home broke you.

You walked into the living room and jumped a mile when you saw an adult figure on the couch. Luke Maybank, luckily asleep. Still no sign of JJ.

You walked deeper in the house, down the hall to where you knew JJ’s room was. The door was cracked slightly, and you held your ear up to it. Your heart broke even more when the sound of crying filled your ears. You opened the door and it creaked, causing your boyfriend’s head to snap up in your direction.

“JJ…” You began.

“(Y/N)? What the hell are you doing here-” He said, cutting you off.

No words came out of your mouth for a minute as you took in the sight. He was hunched over sitting on his bed, clutching his side. His shaggy blonde hair looked more oily than normal most likely due to his hands running through it excessively. He had a black eye and a split lip, with random patches of dried blood around his mouth. You had heard about his dad’s horrible parenting, but nothing could have prepared you from seeing its effects in real life for the first time.

Finally you came to your senses. “I was looking for you.” You started. “We were all waiting for you on the dock and when you didn’t show up I just had a feeling something was wrong…God JJ why the fuck didn’t you call me? I would’ve come as soon as I cou-”

“Shh baby. It’s okay. I’m okay.” He said. “C’mere.”

You couldn’t help the tears that welled up in your eyes as you took all of three steps towards him. He wrapped his arms around your torso and pulled you in. Your head rested on his.

“It’s not okay!” You cried out, his hair muffling your voice. He shushed you and started rubbing your back.

“I’m fine sweetheart. You shouldn’t even be here anyways-”

“Will you shut up?” You said, the question coming out harsher than you meant. You quickly pulled away and looked down at him. “Shit- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...I’m just fucking frustrated that you have to go through this. I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

JJ reached up to wipe the tear that had fallen onto your cheek. “It’s nothing I can’t handle. I promise I’m fine. Go back out with everyone. I’ll catch up later.” He said.

“No.” You shook your head. “We’re going to my house. I’m fixing you up.”

“(y/n)...”

“Either you come with me or I’ll help you here.” You gave him an ultimatum.

He sighed and his head fell forwards on your stomach. He was still sitting on his bed and you stood in between his legs. You grabbed his hand in yours. “Please baby. Let me take care of you.”

“Okay. Your house it is.” You helped him up and walked him out to your car. You even helped him into the passenger seat, much to his dismay. Seeing him like this had you seething inside, you couldn’t help but want to love on him with everything you had.

A short drive to your house later, you walked inside and told him to sit down on the couch. Your parents were both at work and you assumed your older sister was with her own friends. You ran to the bathroom to get bandaids, rubbing alcohol, and an ice pack for his eye.

You sat down with everything and began tending to his cuts. You felt like crying again, but reminded yourself to be strong for him.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You asked after a few moments of silence.

He shook his head. “There’s nothing to talk about. He’s just an asshole.”

“I wish I could do something more to stop it.”

“You do enough. I don’t deserve you.” He said quietly.

“Stop it. If anything I don’t deserve you.” You replied. You took the ice pack off his face for a minute to look into his eyes fully. “You’re the best part of my life JJ Maybank. When you’re hurting so am I.”

He leaned down to kiss your forehead. “My angel.”

You wrapped your arms around his torso delicately so as to not hurt him. You weren’t sure if words could adequately describe what you were feeling regarding JJ, so you just sat in his embrace. He wrapped his arms around you after a few moments. 

“I’m so sorry you have to deal with all of this. I hate making you upset.”

“Not your fault.” You whispered into his shirt. “I would do anything for you. You know that.” 

He pushed your head up to his and planted a passionate kiss to your lips. He pulled away and rested his forehead to yours. You ran a gentle hand up and down his side, feeling him get chills as you traced the muscles that hid underneath his soft skin.

“You wanna sleep?” You asked.

“Honestly...yeah.” He said quietly.

You patted his legs twice signaling for him to stand up. You switched positions so you were sitting behind him.

Once he got comfortable in your lap, you started running your hands through his hair and on his cheek. His eyes fluttered closed.

“I got you sunshine. You’re safe with me.”

[itsmelaurel]

Begin Again

Summary: When your best friends move away for college, you think life is officially over. However, you find yourself making new friends including the blonde surfer from the other side of the island.

Story Notes: Everyone’s parents don’t suck. Sarah and Topper never happened.

Author Notes: This story is fully completed, but I’m not sure what my upload schedule will be yet. Also, I’m new to tumblr and y/n pov. So go easy on me please.

—————————————————

one.

When Sarah Cameron started dating John B. Routledge, you thought she had lost her mind. You didn’t actually care who she dated, but she made it very clear after Kiara left our friend group that she would never associate with the pogues in any capacity for the rest of her life. So, it came as quite a shock when she announced she was going on a date with John B at the beginning of summer.

Now, you were very thankful your best friend had started dating the pogue.

Summer was officially over and your other three best friends were leaving the island. Rafe, Topper and Kelce were all off to university on the mainland leaving you and Sarah behind for senior year of high school. At first you ultimately decided to never think about the boys moving away. Then when summer started it became harder to ignore. It felt like it was the only thing the boys could talk about all the time. While you were trying to make memories with them, they were focused on preparing for new ones that didn’t involve you.

When that realization hit, you ended up crying yourself to sleep that night and staying in bed the half of the weekend. You ignored every phone call and text you received hoping the less you saw their names the less it would hurt. It didn’t work, but thankfully your mom forced you to talk about it. She reminded you that it was necessary for our lives to continue moving forward and it was your job as a friend to be supportive no matter what. They couldn’t stay in Figure 8 just for you.

So, you made it your mission to be the best friend you could be the rest of the summer. That seemed to make time fly by and before you knew it it was time for their moving weekend.

Kelce was the first to leave on that Friday. His parents were making a weekend trip out of it and stopping to see his grandparents before moving him into the dorm. He came over that week and your mom made his favorite meal. Your mom was fighting back tears just as much as you were when he said his goodbyes.

“I’m not moving across the country, you know? I’m literally going to be two hours away.” He said sarcastically as you hugged him on the front porch.

“You could be moving to the cut and I would still be this sad.” You pulled away from him. He rolled his eyes in response, but he knew it was true.

Topper left Saturday morning. He invited you over to dinner that Friday night. His mom ended up crying throughout most of the meal, which resulted in you and him hiding out in his room the remainder of the night. The once boyish room that held so many memories now looked so empty.

“Hey, I almost forgot. I have something for you.” Topper said while climbing off the bed and moving towards his closet. He grabbed a large light pink gift bag and sat it down in front of you on the bed.

“Shouldn’t I be the one giving you a gift?” You furrowed your brows at the blonde boy.

“It’s not so much a gift as a- well, just open it.” He eyed you then the gift bag, nervously rubbing his hands down his shorts before clasping them together.

You opened the bag, pulling out the paper before letting your hand reach around for whatever was inside. When your fingertips met soft fabric, you immediately knew what it was without having to see it.

“This is your favorite sweatshirt.” You say softly as you pull the gray fabric out of the bag.

“I know and I know how much you love it. I wanted you to- I don’t know, I-” a light pink hue rose up to his cheeks as he became tongue tied. He took a deep breath and began again.

“I wanted you to physically have something that reminded you of me.” He got out before swinging his eyes to yours. The emotion swimming around in his eyes was too much for your heart, so you let your eyes drop to the sweatshirt in your lap.

“Thank you, Top. I love it.” You leaned forward wrapping him up in a hug and trying your hardest to swallow your own emotions that were trying to escape.

Rafe was the last one to leave that Sunday. You had spent Saturday at his house swimming with him, Sarah and Wheezie. After playing every pool game imaginable, you and him had snuck off to the pool house to light one up. He never let his eyes off of you as you passed the blunt back and forth.

“Maybe you can come up for a home game?” His voice seemed hopeful as you leaned back on the bed.

“Maybe, but where would I stay?” You ask like there isn’t an obvious answer.

“My bed.” He answered shyly. It wouldn’t be the first time you shared a bed with Rafe or any of the guys for that matter, but that wasn’t in a dorm at college.

“Y/n, your parents are here for dinner and dad needs your help with the grill Rafe.” Wheezie’s voice on the other side of the door has you both sitting up in a panic. Rafe quickly puts the blunt out while you grab the eye drops from the nightstand. Both laughing at almost getting caught.

That Sunday, you didn’t plan on getting out of bed. Your mom brought breakfast to you, staying to make sure you ate everything. After, your dad came in to watch the sports center top 10 with you. It was something you usually did down stairs in the living room, but he plopped down on your bed while turning on the tv like it was normal. When it was over, a soft knock on your bedroom door had your dad jumping up to let whoever it was in. Sarah waltzed in, high-fiving your dad as she passed him before jumping up on your bed.

“You look like shit.” Her eyes scan your face.

“Fuck off, I’m in mourning.” You say with an eye roll causing the blonde to laugh.

“We are not mourning those assholes-”

“Hey!” You wrinkle your nose at her words, still sensitive to your best friends moving away.

“Sorry sorry, we aren’t mourning those lovely boys. Better?”

“Better.”

“Okay, now get up. We have plans.” She hopped off your bed, walking over to your swimsuit drawer and digging through it.

“I’m not going anywhere especially when you said I look like shit.” You huff and raise an eyebrow at her.

“Y/n, you literally could be wearing garbage from the marsh and would still be the prettiest girl on the banks.” Sarah said truthfully as she turned around to wink at you. “But seriously, get up. Our ride will be here in like ten minutes.”

“What’s the plans?” You question making no move to get out of bed. Sarah didn’t respond as she throws a bikini at you before moving to your bathroom for a beach towel. You stare at her while she puts the towel on the bed next to your bikini. She avoids eye contact, eyes flicking around the room as you stare her down.

“Sarah”

“Ugh, fine! The pogues are picking us up at your dock. We’re going out on the boat.” She throws her hands up as if she is totally over this argument that hasn’t even started yet.

“What! No way. Those guys hate me.” You squeak out.

“They don’t hate you.”

“Yeah, fucking right.” Shaking your head no you pull the covers back over your body.

“They don’t! They hate Rafe, Kelce and Topper. They absolutely don’t hate you.” She yanks your covers off and pulls on your hand to get you out of bed. “Well, they may hate you if you aren’t ready in the next five minutes.”

After much convincing and running around getting ready, both of you stand on your dock waiting for the pogues to arrive. Sarah is double checking your bags to make sure everything y’all will need is in there.

“Nothing like getting out to the middle of the water and not having something.” She says like it is a life lesson she learned the hard way.

After a couple more minutes, a boat with all the pogues on it comes into view. You get nervous all the sudden, wondering how much Sarah will hate you if you throw out an excuse and cancel on her. The pogues may not hate you, but they hate your best friends.

Your mind immediately wanders to the three of them. A snort escapes as you can only imagine their reaction to you hanging out with their island enemies.

A sudden feeling of betrayal hits you, but then Sarah’s hand grabs yours. She gives it a gentle squeeze and effectively brings you out of your thoughts. Her smile tells you that she knows where your head is.

“Well, if it isn’t the prettiest kooks I ever did see.” JJ Maybanks wiggles his eyebrows at you as the boat pulls up to your dock. He reaches a hand out to help you aboard and you take it willingly. John B helps Sarah and then you’re off without even completely stopping.

You drop your stuff down near the back of the boat and sit next to Pope and Kiara.

“Are you a beer or whiteclaw kind of girl?” Pope asks as he opens the cooler to show you the selection of drinks.

“I’ll take a beer.” He hands you one before throwing Sarah a whiteclaw.

“Damn” JJ says while handing Pope a ten dollar bill.

“He was positive you were a whiteclaw girl.” Pope says with a shrug while pocketing the money.

“I’d much rather have tequila than either.” You say while looking over at JJ. He smirks as if he can see just how wild you really are on the inside.

“Now that’s my kind of girl.” Kiara leans over and clinks her can against yours. Her smile makes you relax a little. Maybe they really don’t hate you.

The day ends up being one of the best days. It was filled with so much laughter and goofiness. The way the pogues banter with each other had you missing your friends at one point, but then JJ threw his arms around you and jumped into the water. All sadness gone in seconds.

None of them bring up Rafe, Topper or Kelce which surprises you, but you’re grateful for.

By the time you get back to your dock, everyone except John B is tipsy. Kie, which she begged you to call her, is making plans with you and Sarah for the following week. Pope and JJ are arguing about who the best X-Men character is while John B stops the boat.

“Welp, this is me.” You say before everyone is shuffling around to give you a hug goodbye like you’ve been in this group forever. JJ helps you out of the boat and onto the dock again, his rough fingertips skimming over the back of your hand.

“It’s been a pleasure to have the kook princess grace us with her presence today.” JJ puts on a fake British accent and bows. You giggle as you curtsy back.

When you get inside, your mom tells you to go wash up and get ready for dinner. You throw your things down hazardously before jumping in the shower. When you’re done, you head back into your room to get dressed when you spot something light up on the side of your bed.

Fuck, is all you think when you realize you left your phone at home all day. You weren’t exactly attached to your phone, but you’ve never not taken it with you before. If you weren’t with Kelce, Topper and Rafe, the four of you had a very active group chat going. It had included Sarah at first, but last year she wouldn’t stop sending pictures of sloths which ultimately got her muted. When she started dating John B it got her permanently banned. Not that she cared anyways.

There are several missed messages and phone calls. You click on the group chat message first to see what you missed. A picture pops up of the three of them with another guy, presumably their new roommate Parker. Your heart sinks a little as you look at their smiling faces.

You send the heart emoji and move onto the rest of your messages. Before you have a chance to read any of them, your phone starts ringing.

Topper FaceTime

You let it ring for a second as you contemplate what to do. Honestly, the petty side of you doesn’t want to hear about how awesome their dorm is. Plus, you don’t want to tell them where you were all day either. So, you decide it’s best to just let it ring out.

As you’re getting dressed, your phone beeps indicating a new message. You roll your eyes knowing it’s most likely one of the guys, but you are pleasantly surprised when it isn’t.

Unknown: hey its jj. wanna go to the beach tomorrow?

Y/n: how’d you get my number?

JJ: i wouldn’t let sarah get off the boat until she gave it to me

His response makes you giggle.

Y/n: why doesn’t that surprise me?

Y/n: of course I’d love to go to the beach.

JJ: awesome I’ll pick you up at 10

“Y/n, dinner is ready!” Your mom shouts from downstairs.

“Coming!” You shout back before quickly sending a text to Topper saying you will call him back later.

Your mom and dad are already sitting at the table when you get downstairs.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to keep you waiting.” You respond as you slide into your designated seat. It’s quiet as you let your eyes travel over the food your mom made. When you look up, your mom and dad are both looking at you with goofy smiles on their faces.

“What?” You question as you feel your face to see if something is on it.

“Oh, nothing.” Your dad says in singsong before digging into his food. Your eyes swing over to your mom for a clue at what has them so happy. She just smiles and shrugs her shoulders before taking a sip of her wine.

“Did you have a good day?” Your dad questions in between bites.

A goofy smile spreads across your face “I did”

“And you thought your life was over just this morning.” Your mom says with one of those I told you everything was going to be okay grins while your dad quirks an eyebrow.

For once, you’re happy to admit that your parents were absolutely right. You survived the day thanks to Sarah and new friends.

Maybe this year wasn’t going to be so bad.

[mayraki]

CHAPTER TEN

“great things take time”

CHAPTER NINE

SERIES MASTERLIST

MY MASTERLIST

who is max belinsky?

concept boards for the new characters

summary: Max Belinsky and JJ Maybank are the two troublemakers of Outer Banks. Going to parties, getting into trouble, having an attitude and being the two people you don’t mess with are the perfect ways to describe them. What would happen when the two people who seem to have trouble follow them around meet? One thing is fore sure, they didn’t expect this outcome.

“Are you ready for the craziest party of the year?!” John B yelled once he entered the Chateau.

“Wooohoo!” Sam yelled lifting her arms into the air.

“Like the enthusiasm!” He said. “We have to make the teams.”

“Teams?” Max asked confused.

“Yeah, we have to get a lot of stuff for the party. First of all, and the most important thing, the Kegs. The guy said he can’t come to leave them. Max, JJ, think you can handle that?”

“Is there something me and her can’t handle?” JJ asked while giving Max a smirk.

“I agree.” She said while pointing at him.

“Finally!” Hi lifted his fist into the air celebrating. “We agreed on something.”

After organising what was left to buy for the party, Kie with Sam, went to buy some red solo cups, Pope, John B and Sarah all went to spread the word around Outer Banks. It was going to be the biggest party they’ve all seen.

“I’m not surprised John B made us go to the get the Keggers together.” JJ said when he and Max were inside her old white Jeep. “We are the perfect team.”

“Well, I’m not surprised that you like the idea of me and you together.” Max started the car.

“Why?” He asked furrowing his eyebrows.

“You were the one who had a crush on me when we were kids.” He face palmed himself while Max bursted into laughter.

“Alright, hey John B, I’d like to change my partner.” He let his head out the window but it was too late, since Max had already started driving her car away from the Chateau.

“Too late, baby! You’re stuck with me!” She said between laughs.

“JJ, you are reading the map all wrong!”

“No, I’m sure it’s this way.”

“It can’t be, this is literally in the middle of nowhere. Where did John B said this guy was going to be?”

“I don’t remember the address exactly-”

“JJ, you didn’t wrote it down!?”

“It wasn’t that difficult! I thought I was going to remember it!”

“Well, clearly, you thought wrong! I can’t believe we’re fucking lost, no, we’re most than lost! This is a disaster.” She let her back hit the back of her seat while letting out a big sigh. “I’ll text John B to send me the address again.”

“Would you calm down? Look.” He pointed at some girls on the beach. “Let’s ask them.”

Three girls were walking closer to them with boards next to their bodies. They had long hair that would end up on their waist, surf suits on with backwards caps on their heads.

“Watch this.” JJ said once they were closer to them. Max lifted her eyebrow while following JJ with her eyes. She noticed he was doing his “famous” flirt with them. She crossed her arms across her chest while listening to the girls and JJ. “Hello ladies. Have any of you pretty ladies know this area well enough to helps us out here?”

Max let out a loud sigh after hearing his words. She rolled her eyes trying to convince herself what she was feeling inside wasn’t jealousy.

One of the girls furrowed her eyebrows confused before turning her head to Max. A little smirk appeared on her face and then she went back to JJ. “What do you and this beautiful lady over here need?” The girl said with a raspy voice.

“Uh-Uhm.” JJ was left without words when the girl called Max “beautiful.” While she was trying so hard to not let out a loud laugh after seeing the famous flirt not work for JJ, she took some steps forwards to be closer to the girls.

“We are lost. Can you tell us where this direction is?” Max handed the girl her phone showing the text message from John B.

“Sure. It’s a couple of miles from here. Go to the left when you can’t go straight anymore and then you’ll see this giant green sign. It’s around there. You won’t miss it.”

“Thank you! We really appreciate it.”

“No problem! And hey, if you’re ever here again, I’d love to show you around.” She said and a little smile appeared on Max’s face.

“I’ll remember that.” Max slowly nodded before turning around and seeing JJ’s surprise expression. “That was something.”

“Huh.” JJ said. Max bit her lower lip trying to not let out a loud laugh that was fighting to come out. “Well-”

“Now, don’t get jealous, it would never work out between me and her.”

“Right... because you’re not into women?”

Max slowly shook her head. “We’re too far.” She said softly before going inside her car and enjoying the look on JJ’s face.

“The girl was right. The kegs are secured and we’re ready to head back.” Max said with a smile while looking at her back seat where the three keggers were.

“Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute!” JJ said excited looking through the window of the Jeep.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She asked confused.

“That right there is a 3100 Coronet. That’s one of the best boats in here probably, $300,000 easy. I’ve never seen one up close.” JJ said while pointing to the white boat parked next to a house across to where he and Max where.

“What is it doing there, and not on the dock? I mean, if I had a boat like that I wouldn’t have it parked on my house.”

“My dad and I could only dream of having a boat like that. What I would give to be inside of it.”

“Well... What are you waiting for?” Max asked before opening the door of her Jeep. JJ turned to her confused. “There’s no one around, no owner, not a single soul on the beach, wouldn’t hurt if we checked it out, would it?”

“Sometimes I wonder why I didn’t met you before.” JJ said with a huge smile on his face.

“Great things take time, JJ.”

They both walked out of the Jeep and started to slowly walk to the boat making sure no one was watching them.

“Sweet.” JJ said while looking at the boat like he was falling in love. Max furrowed her eyebrows confused when JJ touched the boat and started to smile like a five year old who was watching a toy he always wanted.

“JJ, you know it’s just a boat. Right?”

“Seriously Max? Just a boat? It’s more than that. It’s a really expensive boat, the leader seats, the giant driving wheel, not forgetting to mention the speed that this baby is capable of going.” He said that like he was actually offended of Max’s comment.

She just shook her head annoyed. But eventually, once she saw how JJ went inside the boat and started to be even more surprised about the buttons inside, Max wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

“Wow. It looks way more bigger once you are inside.”

“Yeah, this baby can hold up to 10 people. Can you believe that? 10!” He lifted his fingers in front of Max’s face but she pushed them away.

“It’s still a boat.”

“Well, it’s not a surprised that I like this boat who doesn’t have a personality. I used to have a crush on you.”

Max opened her mouth offended. “You don’t get to play the uno reverse card on me. That’s my thing to annoy you with!” She pointed at him but he just let out a loud laugh. “Oh, that’s how you want to play things, huh? Come here!” Max was quick and was able to grab JJ’s neck with her arm and wrapped around it, making his face go to her chest. With her other hand she started to rub his hair while he was trying to break free.

“Gosh! You’re freakishly strong..”

“Dude! I have two brothers, I had to learn how to defend myself.” Max said before letting out a big laugh at the attempt of JJ trying to get out.

“But, seriously Max, you think that I actually want to break free? Look where my face is.” Max looked down and realized that his face was really close to her chest, not even a finger could go through that space. She lost strength on JJ so he was able to gain his posture back, but Max’s arm was still around his neck, making their faces be really close to each other.

“You’re going to punch me now, are you?” He asked.

She unconsciously looked down to his lips. He did the same while his breathing was heavy. They both stayed on that position enjoying each other’s closeness. A sudden wave of desire came over Max and JJ, they both wanted to close the space between them but all the courage they both had on themselves went away.

“I don’t want to punch you.” Max said after going back to his eyes.

“And what do you want to do?” He softly asked.

“Hey! You two!” A man yelled behind them on the house. That made JJ and Max jump and take some steps away from each other. The man was quickly walking towards the boat and Max noticed he wasn’t very happy about it.

“He doesn’t seem very friendly.” Max whispered to JJ.

He quickly shook his head. “Want to run?”

Max turned to him and a little smile appeared on her face. “Always.”

He grabbed her hand and started to count to three, but the man was already too close to them, so Max quickly jumped out the boat with JJ behind her still grabbing her hand.

“Come back here you punks!” The man yelled while Max and JJ were running towards her Jeep. Laughs were coming out of their mouths when Max opened her door and they both where inside her car.

“Start the car woman! Start the car!” JJ yelled between laughs with his eyes glued to the man coming towards the car.

“Don’t you two dare start that car!” He yelled but it was too late, the car was long gone the road.

“Believe me, I don’t get scared that easily, but that man was scary as shit.” Max said when they could stop the laughter after making sure the man wasn’t following them.

“Man! Everywhere we go, we always end up running away from someone.” JJ said before letting out tiny laugh.

“It’s our lifestyle, dude. Get used to it.”

“Oh, I’ll get used to it alright.”

“What do you mean?” Max did a quickly look to him and noticed he was just staring at the window.

“Oh, nothing.” He said shrugging his shoulders. “Would you look at that?”

“What?”

“The sunset.” He pointed at the veiw.

“Well, unless you want to die I can’t look at it.” JJ turned to her.

“Let’s just stop then. C’mon.”

“No, we can’t, we have to make it to the party.”

“We have time!” JJ let his hand rest on her shoulder. But quickly took it away once Max lifted her eyebrow. “They won’t miss us.”

“Talk for yourself. I would be miss, a lot for the record.” Max said jokingly, but since JJ didn’t say anything, she let out a tiny sigh. “Alright. I do love watching the sunset.”

Max parked the car on the side of the road facing the beach. They both walked out of her Jeep and sat down at the front, having the best view of the sky and the ocean in front of them.

“Gosh, that’s beautiful.” She said softly.

“Thank you.” JJ said jokingly. She turned to him and a huge smirk appeared on his face while she was trying to not let out a laugh. He went back to the sky but she was still looking at him. There was something about him, something that didn’t give Max the need to punch him or be annoyed at his stupid comments. He made her laugh, she had a fun time with him, she felt... safe. Something that she didn’t felt with a boy in a long time. She recognised the feeling she was having inside her stomach, those butterflies flying like crazy, she remembered that. And all the lovely feelings that came afterwards, but also, the bad ones. The crying and the feeling of not being able to get out of bed. All those times she tried to have something like that again, she failed. The horrible memories came back to her mind like a train that didn’t have an ending. It felt like that train was never going to go away, and it will always come back when it’s needed. Needed to protect Max from future pain. She wanted it to stop, stop being so over protective over her and let her experience. But it wouldn’t let her, it was screaming on the back of her head “Don’t fall! It’s going to happen again! He’s going to break your heart!”

But Max knew, that it didn’t matter how much her mind was going to try to stop her, because sometimes, one can’t control what the heart wants and who it falls for.

“Ready to head back?” JJ asked and Max noticed that the sun was completely gone and the darkness surrounded them.

“Yeah.” She said softly before getting up and walking inside her Jeep to drive back to the Chateau.

“Let’s get this lazy asses to help us with the keggers.” JJ said after getting out of the car.

“Right. Let’s go get them.” Max and JJ walked to the house but when they didn’t hear any noise coming from inside, they both looked at each other confused. “Weird. They should all be preparing the things for the party.” JJ nodded. Max walked to the porch with him behind her, but when two figures moved on the inside and she was able to connect the dots on what they were doing, she quickly turned around hitting her chest with JJ’s and making himself fall back with her.

“What?” He asked confused.

“Shhhh!” She whispered before grabbing JJ’s hand and walk him to her Jeep.

“What are you doing?!”

“Oh my fucking god. Oh my-”

“Max! What?” JJ shook her arms trying to let the words come out of her mouth.

“Sam! Kie!” She pointed at the house. “Sam! Kie!”

“What? What? What?”

“Kissing!”

“Kissing?” He asked confused. “Like on the cheek?”

Max slapped his arm. “No! Do you think that I would be freaking out like this if it was on te cheek!? On the fucking lips!”

He widen his out in surprise and Max nodded. “Oh.”

“Exactly!”

“Guys!” Max and JJ heard Kie say on the front door of the house. She had a smile on her face while walking towards them. “Glad you’re back!”

“Yeah! We just arrived, like right this second, not any second before.” Max said quickly.

“Right! What she said!” JJ let his arm go around her shoulders trying to seem normal.

“Alright...” Kie said confused at their strange behaviour but quickly brushed it off. “You want some help with the keggers?”

“You know what? No, we’re totally fine.” Max said nodding.

“Yeah! You go with Sam and keep... preparing the things for the party.” JJ scratched the back of his head while Max wanted to kill him on the inside for being suspicious.

“Ok! But let me know if you need anything.” She said before turning around and going back to the house.

“Oh my god, why didn’t she told me she was into Kie like that?” Max asked to herself. She was kinda disappointed that her best friend didn’t shared with her something so important. But at the same time, understood the situation and that it was something you say when you’re ready to say it.

“Maybe she didn’t know before today.” JJ said trying to comfort her.

“Maybe... I don’t know.” Max let out a tiny sigh. “All I know, is that tonight it’s going to be crazier than I thought.” She said. And boy, was she absolutely right.

@iamaunicorn4704 @onceinagenerationrage @lasnaro @k-k0129 @x-lulu @oopsiedoopsie23 @baby-pogue @roamingmarauder @ponyboys-sunsets @agirlwholovescoffee @thorsangel @royalmerchant @deviouscharitos @badbitsh13 @cilorawr @ilovejjmaybank @corebore123 @starksweasley @rudths @allycat449-blog @netflix-imagines @alwaysasadaesthetic @queenofthepouges @jjsmaybcnk @sexytholland @xoxoalxssa @sadcupofcoffee @allielozoya @jjandreidsgirl @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @nevvvv @drewswannabegirl @outerbanksbro @itsyagirljay @alw4ysmaybank @mrsromangodfrey @kay667 @casper17 @jarahisendgame @niya-savage @scooby6 @dustyjjumpwings @sweetlysilent @alternativehp @stilinskingongo @renatafairchild @stfukie @chasefreakinstokes @beloved-vinyl-addict (+)

[downwiththeficness]

A Need So Great-Chapter 4

Summary: Eva Moore is assigned to work the last year of her contract with the DEA in Colombia. She just wants to get to the end of her tenure, but she keeps getting drawn further into a string of murders in the city. It isn’t long before she’s forced to face the ghosts of her past.

Word Count: ~3,700

Warnings: Canon typical Violence

A/N: For the purposes of this story, Carrillo isn’t married--or, if you like, divorced. A/B/O dynamics are prevalent, and they come with their own warning. The overall rating for this story is Explicit, although not every chapter will contain adult themes.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 8.5, 9, 10, 10.5, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21

They’re sitting at the bar again. Rather, they are sitting at a table at the bar again.  It had been a hard day for almost everyone sitting there.  Javier, Steve, and Carrillo had managed to thwart a production route at the cost of three men. Connie had watched a young mother die in childbirth, the baby barely alive.  Eva had watched from the sidelines, feeling guilty that there wasn’t anything that she could do. So, she’d suggested a drink.  One drink had turned into two, then three.

At present, Connie was standing at the juke box, looking for a selection. Eva was watching her look through the offerings, wondering if she should switch to water so that she could drive home.

“I’m telling you,” Steve said, banging his hand on the table, a wide smile on his face, “He literally pissed himself when we busted in.  Tell him, Javi.”

Javier held up his hands, “I’m not in this argument, man.”

Rolling her eyes, Eva pointed a finger at Steve, “You’re telling me that some big bad--,” she looked at Carrillo, “What did he call them?”

“Sicario,” he prompted, bringing his glass to his mouth to hide the smirk.

“Thank you,” Eva said, waving her hand a little, “Peed himself because you put a gun on him.”

Steve leaned forward, “Yes, that is exactly what happened.”

“Bullshit!”

“I’m—hey, Connie, can you get us another round—I’m not lying!”

Eva shook her head, “No, nope. Didn’t happen like that. You got no witnesses to prove it.”

“Just because I don’t have a witness doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.”

“You made the assertion, Murphy, you’ve got the burden of proof.”

“Fuck off.”

“You fuck off,” Eva shot back, “All you agents walk around like you’re hot fucking stuff because you got a badge and a gun and the support of the US government, tellin’ tall tales to make yourselves look like John Wayne. I swear to God, if I have to hear one more dick measuring contest on the break room I will literally puke.”

Connie came back to the table, a tray full of...not beer.  She set it down and Eva counted enough shots for each of them, a couple salt shakers, and some cut limes. Oh, shit.  

“We have to go to work tomorrow, Connie,” Eva censured gently, despite taking the glass from Connie’s outstretched hand.

Connie scoffed, “Like you’ve never had a hangover before.”

Eva noticed Carrillo hadn’t taken one of the glasses.  She leaned over, nudging him, “C’mon, you gotta do this, too.”  When he balked, she picked up one of the glasses and held it in front of him, “We’re all in this shit together, Horacio.”

He stared at her for a moment before pulling his lips between his teeth, a reflexive movement he sometimes did when he was thinking. She wiggled the glass, smiling when he relented. The salt shakers went around to everyone and Eva licked the back of her hand between her thumb and forefinger, tapping a bit out.

“What should we toast to?” Connie asked.

“We’re toasting?” Eva asked with a laugh, “I didn’t know you could toast over tequila shots.”

Connie leveled a baleful glare at her and Eva rolled her eyes, holding the glass towards the center of the table, “Its your toast, man.”

“To catching one of the bad guys,” Javier announced.

That was good enough for the group.  The glasses made a dull sound as they clinked them together. Eva licked the salt from her hand, threw back the shot, and stuck the lime in her mouth.  She hadn’t had tequila in a long while, but the movements were still buried in her muscle memory.  Salt, shot, lime. Glancing over, she caught Carrillo pulling the lime from his mouth, tongue catching juice that remained on his lips.  She dropped her gaze, feeling her neck heat an a way that had nothing to do with the alcohol. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep her eyes off him, let alone her hands.

To keep said hands busy, she threw the rind onto the tray with the empty glasses just as Connie shot up, both hands in the air.

“Another!”

Eva could feel her brows hit her hairline, “Steve, is she like this every time she drinks tequila?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” He lit a cigarette, a smirk appearing beneath his mustache.

She watched Connie head for the bar, “Is she gonna be okay?”

“Until she wakes up tomorrow,” he laughed.

“Cool, cool.”

The song on the juke box ended and ‘Careless Whisper’ queued up, the saxophone out of place and yet Eva couldn’t imagine that Connie would choose a different tune. She turned from the bar with a wide smile, shots completely forgotten.

“I love this song.  Stevie, come dance with me.”

And there they went, Connie dragging Steve to the dance floor which, surprisingly, had quite a few people on it.  Eva watched them go, laughing.  

“I can’t wait to tell her all about this later,” she said.

Javier snorted with contained laughter, “I should have brought a camera.  I’m getting another drink, you want anything.”

Eva and Carrillo both waved him off and he headed for the bar.  

“He’s right, we should have brought a camera,” Eva said as she gestured towards where Connie was spinning Steve, pulling him in for a dramatic dip.

“We can always get the security footage from the owner,” Carrillo suggested with half a smile.

She looked at him, not quite believing, “You think he’d give it to us?”

One of his brows lifted, “We’d have to pay him.”

“We could do that.” She thought about it for a minute, “Man, that would be comedy gold at the office Christmas party.”

Connie gave a little shimmy, hands on Steve’s shoulders as they swayed back and forth.  He was acting like he was annoyed by it, but Eva had been around him long enough to know that he was secretly enjoying every second of his wife happily dancing after a hard day’s work.

Leaning forward, Eva took up her discarded beer, eyes catching on the bar.  She leaned a little towards Horacio, gesturing with the bottle.

“Looks like Javier’s trying to close a deal.”

He was talking with a pretty girl with long, curly hair.  They were both smiling, she was touching his arm. Eva had heard some of his pick up lines, she wondered if he was actually using any of them. If so, he was sleeping alone tonight.

“He’s probably negotiating price.” When Eva looked to him in question, he shrugged, “She’s a sex worker.”

“No,” Eva gasped, looking the woman over to see how he could possibly know. “How can you tell?”

Horacio shrugged, “I see a lot of them in my line of work.”

“Oh?” Eva said with both brows raised.

He shot her a sarcastic look, “We arrest them from time to time.  Most of them are informants.”

“To you?”

He nodded.

“And you pay them?”

He made a noncommittal sound, but the little roll of his neck gave her all the confirmation she needed. She opened her mouth to say something and thought better of it, shutting her jaw with a click.

His eyes narrowed, “What was that?”

“Nothing,” Eva responded quickly, sipping to distract herself.

“No,” he held up a finger, moving into her space a bit, “You were going to say something and you stopped.  Why?”

She blinked, “It was an inside thought.”

His brows drew together in confusion. She felt her cheeks heat, embarrassed that she’d actually said ‘inside thought’ for the first time since she was a kid—a concept that her parents had taught her before she’d learned to filter out the sentences that should not be uttered.

“Ah,” she stalled a little bit, not quite believing that she was going to say this out loud, “An inside thought is when you think a thought that should absolutely not be said on the outside.  Like, ever.”

His head tilted to the side, “Tell me.”

“Oh, no,” she shook her head, “Absolutely not.  Were you listening? Its an inside thought, its supposed to stay inside.”

“How do you know its an inside thought?”

Eva hesitated, considering. She watched him figure out that he had an opening, his expression opening up just a little bit.

“Because people are usually insulted by inside thoughts,” she offered lamely.

“And you think I’ll be insulted by it? Or, Javi?”

She held her silence, pressing her lips together to keep from answering. He was a lot closer than was strictly necessary. Although the music was playing loudly, Eva felt herself zero in on him, focused on his every word and the shape of his mouth as he talked.

“So,” he continued, “We’ve established that you’ve had a thought that you don’t think is appropriate and you feel I would be insulted by it.”

Eva wondered if this was how people felt when he was interrogating them, somewhere between helplessly drawn in and desperate to change the subject.

She cocked her head to the side, “We’ve established nothing other than I had an inside thought and voice that they are typically insulting.”

“That’s a fine distinction,” he conceded turning a little in his chair to face her a bit more fully, “But, there’s only one way to really settle this. You have to tell me.”

Eva ran her thumb over her brow, dropping her eyes to the side and breathing deep, “I was going to say … that I was surprised you had to pay them.”

He paused, then, “Why is that?”

She was having a hard time breathing, but she couldn’t stop herself from saying, “Because, if it were me, I’d probably just tell you.”

Whatever he might have said after that was cut off by Connie sliding into her chair with a high pitched giggle. She was sweating a little, leaning hard into her husband with a wide smile. She looked happy.  Eva smiled at her, saluting with her beer.

“Nice moves, sweetie.”

“Ah, thank you! I bought, like, ten songs, so we’ll be getting back to it soon.”

As if on cue, the song changed and “We Built this City” started up. Eva shook her head, her attention snagging on Javier at the bar.  Another man had walked up and he was arguing with him, tongue rolling across the front of his teeth.  He looked pissed.

Carrillo noticed her attention straying and she felt him tense a little next to her. A few more guys had walked up.

“Aw, shit,” she said, already moving to stand as the fight broke out.

Glass shattered, and Eva circled around Carrillo to where Connie was sitting, pulling the woman with her over and down towards the bar.  She could hear voices screaming and the sound to flesh hitting flesh.  Without much care, she shoved Connie into the space between the bar and the wall, holding up a finger and leveling a determined look at her.

“You don’t move,” she said. “Not an inch.”

You say you don’t know me, or recognize my face.

A hand grabbed Eva’s ankle and she yelped as she was dragged out into the fray.  The man was average size and weight, but he had the jump on her.  He climbed over her body and had his hands around her throat before she could get her bearings.  Eva threw both hands out and into his shoulders, balancing his weight while she tucked her knees into her chest. Her hips shimmied and she was able to get her heels up. She kicked. Hard.

As hard and as fast as she could, Eva kicked him in the face until he let go of her neck.  And then, she grabbed his wrists to keep him there and kept kicking until there was so much blood that it looked like a mask of red had settled over him.  With a grunt, she shoved him to the side, wheezing and touching her neck gingerly.

Too many runaways eating up the night

Across the room, Javier was holding a guy down while Steve gave him a vicious kick.  Not far away Carrillo was dodging a punch, throwing a hard uppercut and catching the guy beneath the chin. His opponent’s head flew back with such force that Eva was kind of surprised that it was still connected.  He fell to the floor, unconscious.

Eva caught his eye and she gave a little wave, seeing his eyes flick to her right a little too late. A man wrapped both arms around her chest, caging her arms in.  Carrillo’s eyes narrowed and he was moving towards her. Eva yelled and swung both legs out in front of her to mid air.  The man struggled under the sudden weight of her body. Bend, snap, roll the shoulder. He fell over her arm to the floor, winded. She used the palm of her hand to hit at his exposed throat, satisfied when he choked.

And then he was right there with her, his scent sharp with the exertion, his hands carefully running over her arms to check for injury. Eva couldn’t help but to smile, a little dazed.

“You good?”

“Yeah,” she breathed, pushing the hair from her face. “Oh, fuck!”

One of the idiots had pulled a gun.  And, while she knew he was armed, Eva couldn’t stop the automatic response that kicked in.  She shoved Carrillo down behind an up ended table as the shots rang out. Curling over him, Eva covered her head, eyes squeezed shut.

We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll.

A few more shots and he was rolling her into the wood of the table, rising up on a knee and pulling his pistol. Eva plugged her fingers into her ears, feeling his body sway a bit with the recoil.

We just want to dance here. Someone stole the stage.

His hands slammed down on the floor as he ducked down. The table behind her scooted forward as a shot ricocheted into the far end, exposing him.

“Horacio,” she yelled, grabbing his polo shirt and pulling him back and into her chest.

The movement set him off balance and his full weight collapsed on her, pushing all the air out of her lungs. Another shot, another screech as the table moved.  Horacio pushed to his knees again, firing off another shot.  Eva looked around for something they could use that would be better cover. There was literally nothing.

Marconi played the mambo, listen to the radio.

And then she saw it, an unbroken bottle had rolled from somewhere in the bar, right next to a discarded bar towel.  Perfect.

“Cover me,” she yelled upwards, already crawling the few feet out to it.

Horacio cursed a blue streak, firing off a few rounds as she shuffled back to him, “The fuck are you doing?”

“Give me your lighter,” she demanded, opening the bottle and shoving the towel inside with two fingers.

To his credit, he hesitated only a fraction of a second before he was digging into the pocket of his khakis and handing her a silver Zippo.

“Thank you,” Eva said primly as she tipped the bottle over a bit to soak the towel.

We built this city. We built this city on rock and roll.

Getting to her knees, Eva looked at Horacio, who was eyeing both her and the bottle with a look a clear and unadulterated delight. She really, really liked when he smiled.

“Bottom’s up!”

And then she tossed it in the direction of the people shooting at them, smiling wide when it hit the mark. Fire burst forth, giving Javier and Steve enough of a distraction that they could get a clear shot.

Who rides the wrecking ball into our guitars?

Eva knelt on the floor, watching over the rim of the table as they went person by person, disarming the ones that were still alive. Eventually, Horacio stood up and she followed suit, moving to check on Connie.

She looked pissed, “I was having a good fucking time and these assholes…” She sighed deeply.

“I know,” Eva agreed, “Next time we do this at your place.  Less chance of gunfire there.”

“Tell me about it.”

We built this city.

It took an hour or two for the boys to clean up the mess, cuff a few people, and clear the scene. Eva sat with Connie at the bar, drinking coffee and watching them work.

“I saw what you did there with that guy,” Connie commented, leaning one elbow on the bar, “How did you learn all that...self defense stuff.”

Eva shrugged, “After my marriage ended I thought it would be good to learn a few things, just in case.”

Connie didn’t need to know that she’d learned it in case one of her husband’s family members decided to get vengeance.  

“Divorce?”

“Death,” Eva clarified.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it was the best thing for everyone involved.”

Connie laughed a little, “Even your husband?”

“Especially my husband,” Eva confirmed with a smile. “Real asshole, let me tell you.”

Eyes following her husband across the room, Connie asked, “He cheat on you.”

“Worse,” Eva answered, her good mood evaporating.  

She closed her eyes and ran a hand over her face, working to right herself. She was saved by Javier approaching, a little saunter in his walk.

“The owner has agreed not to press charges for the fire setting.”

Scoffing, Eva snipped, “What’s a little fire to bullet holes?”

There were several lining the walls.  Almost every piece of furniture not nailed down to the floor was either overturned or broken entirely.  The table she’d been hiding behind with Horacio had splinters up and down it.  If she hadn’t thrown the bottle, the next round of bullets might have gotten through the wood to the other side.

“If anything, this’ll make this place more popular,” he said, tapping out a cigarette and lighting it.

Eva sighed, “Did you have to start the fight?”

He looked at her, “I didn’t start it.”

She rolled her eyes, “I’ve known you for like three months.  You started it.  I don’t know why, but you started it.”

Connie had the good grace to lift her brows and spin a little on her bar stool, sipping her coffee. Javier took a drag and shrugged.

“Right,” Eva said, hopping down. She waved to Connie, “See you at next week’s class.”

She grabbed her purse and headed for the exit, more tired than she cared to admit.  So tired, in fact, she didn’t notice that Carrillo had followed her out.

“Do you ever park closer to where you’re going?”

Eva jumped, hands coming up in front of her.  When she recognized him, she laughed a little, “Sorry, wasn’t paying attention. And, to answer your question: I like the longer walk.  Gives me time to, I don’t know, settle myself.”

He nodded, “Maybe consider parking a little closer when you know you’ll be staying after sundown. Might be safer.”

At this Eva shot him a bemused look, “I think you either shit canned or shot anyone who’d give me trouble.”

He put his hands in his pockets as he walked with her, “You’re the one who set them on fire.”

She gave him a deferential nod, rolling one shoulder, “You may have a point. But, I’d argue that my actions were justified, given that they were shooting at us. I mean, I haven’t been here long, but I’m pretty sure the cultural differences aren’t so dissimilar that—were I to be fired upon, I could be forgiven for returning fire.”

They’d reached her car, and she opened the driver’s door, throwing her purse in the passenger’s seat before turning to look at him. He was just… staring at her, hands in his pockets, looking mystified.

“What?”

He took a breath, “You took one look at that gun and threw me down to cover me.”

Eva paused, going over the memory a bit and agreeing with him, “Yeah, I did.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Don’t save your life?”

He stepped into her space, “You save yourself. Let me take care of me.”

“I make absolutely no promises, Carrillo.”

Slowly, to give her time to know what he was doing, he curled a finger beneath her chin, “You do that when you’re trying to deflect, use my last name.”

In the moment, she hated him a little.  It had taken years to develop her defense mechanisms so that she could function normally with people.  A joke here, a little sarcasm there. Just enough to keep them at a distance.  And, here he was, seeing through her bullshit.

“You are frustrating,” Eva said without any bite.

He smiled, “I’ve been told that.”

“Did they also tell you that you have the cutest little dimples when you smile?”

The laugh that followed was surprised and Eva was gratified to see that he was blushing. She curled a hand over the arm still holding onto her, fingers curling over his bicep.

“No, no one has told me that,” he said after he’d gathered himself.

She considered it, “That’s a shame.”

“Is it?”

They’d moved closer together. Eva could feel the heat from his body, the smell of him that she liked so much tinged with sweat and smoke.

She settled against the side of the car, “Damn shame.”

He ran the back of his fingers over her cheek, considering, “I’ll take your word for it.”

“See that you do.”

Horacio made a soft sound of assent, leaning down to press a soft, tentative kiss to her mouth. He pulled back, but not far, dipping down again for another soft kiss that was entirely too short. Eva’s every breath was filled with him, her skin alight. She leaned up, taking the kiss she wanted. Deeper, harder.

Hands gripping both her hips, he pushed her into the car, his weight preventing escape—not that she particularly wanted to move.  The feeling of being held almost immobile and kissed senseless was delicious in a way that made her toes curl.  She clung to him, inviting more kisses, more touches—just more.

He was the first to break away, breathing hard, “Get in the car.”

“What?”

He shook his head as if to clear it, “Get in the car before I drag you to my truck and take you home with me.”

She smirked, “You probably wouldn’t have to drag me.”

He leveled a serious look at her, “Car. In.”

“Sure thing, Big Guy,” she said, sliding into the seat. “See you at the office.”

[tracynotabi]

Riptide Day 0-1

So I wasn’t going to record my time in Ohio, just because I forgot to take pictures and we weren’t really mobile, but looking back, there were just too many memories to forget and I just really wanted to share with everyone how much fun this community is, despite the fact that we were canceled.

Most people will be referred to by their names, but I’ll introduce them with their tags first. If you see this and would like your name removed/changed, please let me know.

Also, some of this is not a perfect play-by-play because I am writing purely from memory.

Also, please note, there is degeneracy.

Thursday; September 9, 2021

Starting off the day, Kevin (The Doctor) and I had basically no sleep. We woke up at 7am PDT (read: 6:30am but too lazy to get out of bed) after getting to be around 4-5am mainly because Kevin wanted to hang out with his friends in Discord before he leaves them for the whole weekend. Me? I was just procrastinating on packing.

Joey (Big Large) texts in our group chat that we never got rid of from Emerald City that they’ll be at my place in 10 minutes with Ivan (Ivayne), because they were driving up north from Elk Grove, which is about 20 minutes south of where we live.

The plan was to drive to Robert (PotatoesAreYum)’s place and then make the two hour drive to San Jose, where we would catch our 1:45pm flight.

Why did we do this? Because our tickets were canceled for Blacklisted 6 and we couldn’t get refunds so we only had credits to work from, but apparently, Sacramento Airport did not have available flights to Ohio that were by Alaskan Airlines.

We took off, leaving Sacramento and heading to Davis. Part way through, we get a text from Robert asking how far out we were, because he had to poop, but we were 11 minutes out.

Robert, the descriptive man he is, describes that his poop was ready to crown, so he was good. I thanked him for the visual, because goddamn, I needed another one after getting a Snapchat from Joey the night before of his ass hanging out in jorts.

Robert: At least I didn’t sent a picture like Joey. But if you want a picture, I could send you one. Me: I would cancel your flight.

We end up driving south to Kevin’s brother’s house, where we tried to find a Jack in the Box that was on Google Maps. We spent about five minutes looking for it before ultimately giving up and going to a Hawaiian BBQ/Donut shop. We were just as confounded as you are probably right now. Food was OK.

Kevin’s brother insisted the Jack in the Box was there but for the life of us, we could not find it. He took us to the airport and off we went to Chicago. Yes, they played Smash at the airport, because this is what Smash players do. 

They also played on the flight. Sidenote: there was this very loud cat in the aisle across from me that was meowing like crazy.

Flight from Chicago to Cleveland sucked. It was hot and cramped and they took our baggage away.

We land in Cleveland at about 11pm? Parker (Boringman [Sip Mastah]) was waiting for us at our gate because he had landed an hour before us.

We go down to Ground Transportation to reach our shuttle when I read the little red tag one of the flight attendants gave me. It said that our baggage would be given to us at the end of the flight.

... Well, we had just passed through security and going down the escalator at that point.

Well, fuck.

We run into Washington at baggage claim and I’m panicking because I have no idea if our luggage is going to pop out at baggage claim. Joey, Kevin, and I go up the escalator - the WRONG escalator and we go up a flight too much. We go back down and the airport’s just empty.

Makes sense, it’s 11pm EDT and there’s not a single worker in sight.

Robert texts us saying our luggage popped out and I hate life because the wording on the ticket, I swear, implied it wasn’t going to come out of baggage claim.

We go back down, grab our luggage, say bye to Washington, and head on our to the shuttle wait area.

There, we run into Luke (Yung Quaff) and Will (Twisty) from Massachusetts. Apparently, they had been waiting for the shuttle for over an hour and it was about 11:30pm at this point in time and we’re so tired because we’ve been travelling the whole day and there were people waiting for us to goon with.

We get to the shuttle and it’s an hour to the resort. Crying inside.

We check in and our room is on the other side of the resort from Guttey and Spencer (Mr. Watch and Learn)’s room even though they provided our confirmation number when they got their hotel room. What the hell.

Seeing everyone in that room was so amazing. I can’t remember everyone there exactly, because let me tell you, that room at one point probably had more people than it should have and we most definitely violated some kind of fire hazard.

Friday; September 10, 2021

Twisty ended up staying the night in our room because we had a two bedroom, two bathroom suite with six people. Our suite had a king bed, two queen beds, and a queen pull-out from the couch. Joey and Robert - the two largest people - stayed in the king bed. Kevin and I shared a queen. Ivan had a queen. Parker had a queen. Though I believe the first night, Parker and Ivan shared the queen (?) and Twisty stayed on the pull out.

Twisty barrel-rolled the whole night.

The bed squeaked so much it was insane. I think it only really bothered me, but that was fine because the guys needed their rest more than I did.

Spencer, the god that he is, ended up driving from Long Island to Ohio, and he offered to take us to go get some groceries for his room and us at Meijer.

It seated five, but I don’t really count as a full human size-wise, so I sat at Kevin’s feet, who was sitting in the passenger seat, underneath the dashboard, while Guttey, John (Gluteus), and Luke sat in the back.

Shoutouts to Meijer. Had a ton of awesome stuff.

A bunch of wings and thighs that probably weighed as much as a chicken itself plus 2 Liter Coke for $8.

It was all a blur, but we ended up in the Chad Room at some point - the Presidential Suite, just as crews were starting.

We end up meeting Yuko, who had a very large speaker about the size of me curled up. He ended up making an entrance and there’s a video on Twitter where you can just hear Joe (Qtip) go, “I’m scared.”

Also ran into Zoey (Frost) again. :) Haven’t seen her since she left NorCal. We ended up just talking a bit, catching up, before I think Kevin needed me to go back to our room for a Wii.

I ended up walking entirely back to our room on the other side of the hotel - next to the convention center, getting out Wii, only to find out two things:

1. We didn’t have composite cables. 2. There was no other outlet.

We ended up getting kicked out after Qtip’s team won anyway.

Can’t remember anything else, other than the goon was too hard and too real but if you would like for me to include anything that happened while I was there, let me know! :)

[hija-del-trueno]

I know that forever could never be enough

I tried hard to finish this before Valentine’s Day ended but life happened and the perfectionist in me has reviewed and edited it again and again.

I was given the immense honor and privilege to gift @paddingtonfan69​ and I think all of us Stepril shippers know that paddingtonfan is one of our greatest contributors. We all holler at each other on Twitter and Tumblr when they’ve posted. Time and time again they have constantly raised the bar for us all, and doing it flawlessly. (Lol) Paddingtonfan really surprises us with every piece of fic they drop. The horny teen cinamatic universe would literally not exist without them. 

So aside from meeting my gift exchange responsibilities I wanted to create an homage of some sorts. I probably haven’t done it any near justice to the great work paddingtonfan puts out but I really hope you enjoy and also super happy to have participated in this gift exchange. 

I’ll stop stanning now. 😉

i. Ellen

The year is 2003. The Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrates upon re-entry over Texas (a tragedy). Arnold Schwarzenegger has been elected the Governor of California (since when do actors qualify as politicians?). Finding Nemo has come out (Dory is her, she is Dory). And Ellen Johnson, 16 yr old Willingham Junior, just got her first car. 

The car is....well it’s a car. A minivan to be exact. It’s a 1987 Toyota Townace LE and the only reason why she even has the privilege of riding such a trash heap is because her grandfather has just passed away and he left it for her in his will. And that’s really the only thing he left for her in his will. 

She’s not ungrateful, but the car is old and falling apart. 

“It’s as old as you, and you’re running just fine,” says grandma. If only grandma understood that cars don’t run on the same timeline as humans.

But Ellen understands, they are poor. Dirt, redneck, poor. She grew up in a mobile home park at the edge of Sylvan Hills and Oakland City. Her grandparents, Easton and Elise Johnson, raised her after her mother, who was quite frankly a crackhead, dropped her off right after she was born. She has no idea who her father is and the only reason she knows who her mother is, is because occasionally she’ll show up to ask for money for drugs. 

When Ellen was 5, her mother came by and practically wrecked the motor home. The woman had binged for a full week and came searching for more. Ellen cried and cried when the few toys she had were swung left and right, at least until her Grandma Elise had the sense to grab her and lock them up in the bathroom while Easton made the crazy woman go away.

As she held her and comforted her, Grandma Elise whispered, “The Lord made loved and cares for you very much, do you understand me baby girl. He has deposited His Grace on you and you must never be afraid. Always be brave, got that?”

Now that Grandpa Easton is gone, Ellen fears it’s only a matter of time before Grandma Elise is gone too. But she’s not scared, she’s always taken things in stride.  Growing up she was the star pupil of her elementary school, middle school, and Sunday school. Her heart was always in serving others and despite not having the monetary access to help financially she sought to help through her time and talents. 

At the age of 10 she was serving food in soup kitchens on the weekends. By the time she was finishing up middle school she was already the Bible School Coordinator for her church’s children ministry as well as a cherished volunteer in the community.

And word carried through because a week before finishing middle school her youth pastor called her. Apparently, a friend of his’s father was on the board of Willingham Academy and was offering a full scholarship to attend. Ellen got a tour of the place before school started and she was beyond awed at the opportunity the Lord had blessed her with. Without a doubt, Ellen said yes.

In her excitement and haste, there were a lot of things she overlooked. For one, Sylvan Hills to Buckhead was a train and bus ride shy of an hour and fifteen minutes. 

There were other things too. Like how the kids there were all rich and snooty. But Ellen paid it very little mind, she focused more, prayed more, read her Bible more, and grew as God meant it to be. 

So having a car truly was a blessing. Even if the car in question was a jallopey. She drove it in carefully to the Willingham parking lot, meaning to not catch any of the student body’s attention. Sneakily she got out of the minivan, her head down, gripping her backpack straps tightly to make haste. 

“Johnson! What the helllll is that thing?” Unfortunately no haste could save her from her regularly scheduled tormentor Jake.

“Just my new whip, Jake,” she explained defeatedly, moving her feet quicker to get past him. Eventually he and his goons stood in front of her, blocking her path.

“Is that what they sell at redneck dealerships or is that all you could afford?” His others friend sniggered behind him. 

Honestly one would think Jake’s comebacks were good considering they were standing in a private academic institution, but they were extremely subpar. Ellen didn’t respond, instead she looked ahead rolling her eyes. 

Catching a whiff of her rebelliousness, he stepped closer to her to whisper venom in her ears. “Uh uh Ellen. Learn your place. You don’t belong here remember and you never will.”

It was really beyond Ellen how high school was so much like the movies she’d watch. There was the high school caste system and in Willingham she knew she might have never reached the top. Jake was mad because she was popular and she wasn’t popular by their means of popularity. She certainly didn’t have money or cars or mansions. She was popular because she was extremely kind and was always helping out. Ellen exuded confidence (in the Lord) and people just gravitated around her for advice and nurture.

She easily paid Jake and his bullying no mind. Besides on a daily basis she had bigger fish to fry, like making sure her and her grandma had food on the table and shelter over her head.

Jake stepped back and announced rather loudly, “And don’t park your trash heap close to our cars! We wouldn’t want our tricked out vehicles to get scratched with your deplorable junk.”

“Oh now Jake, don’t be mean,” a voice interrupted behind him. Ellen felt the heavens opened up a bit more to shine upon the angelic voice that had chimed in.

One of the other reasons Ellen was so popular. June Lee. The most popular girl in school, June was a true, modern Southern Belle. Her family was excruciatingly, filthy rich. 

“Well, I am a descendant of Robert E Lee himself,” she’d joke in her thick drawl. Ellen wouldn’t be surprised if she was. 

June was also extremely beautiful. She had spent her life in the beauty pageant circuit and had only lost twice. Both times later proven to have been bought by her most envious opponents. June was taller than most girls, blonde hair cascading well past her shoulders, light green eyes, and fairly leans and strong (she was in fencing). The blonde bombshell, the Willingham student body would whisper.

Most importantly though, June was Ellen’s best friend. And honestly, Ellen praised God everyday for their friendship. She couldn’t have survived Willingham without her. When she first came to school and everyone had made fun of her for her unapproved uniform (an overly large blazer from Goodwill, and a black sweater vest from her grandpa’s closet), it was June who’d give Ellen her old (but really practically brand new) set of uniforms. Everything Ellen needed to know of how the upper echelon lived, June taught her.

Sure, June had other girls fawn around her. June’s Disciples they’d call them, but if Ellen was a disciple she’d be John, the Beloved Disciple. It was no surprise to anyone that June would come to Ellen’s defense.

“Of course, Queen Virgin shows up,” Jake mutters. A silly nickname, considering that everyone here in a Christian academy is probably a virgin. At least, Ellen thinks.

“Now come Ellen, there is much to discuss and little time.” It’s like the seas part, the group of boys move and a hand pulls at her wrist willing her to continue on her original destination. “I like your car,” June smiles at her once they’re walking side by side, “it has...character.”

They make it to the fellowship room into the small office located inside. It’s technically Ethan’s office but he’s also the Baseball Coach and he just never uses this space so he loans it to the Fellowship leader. And well, June happens to also be Fellowship leader. 

Inside, there’s already a Bible and a Fig Newton waiting for Ellen. Normally, Monday’s are for planning out the scriptures for the week ahead. They sit side by side and flip through the pages of God’s word and jot down notes. At least June is doing that, Ellen...well lately Ellen has been distracted. 

The butterflies in her stomach haven’t quelled. They never have. They’ve been fluttering inside her since she met June. But now things were coming undone. Now, everything about June seemed more poignant, more beautiful. The girl could trip and Ellen would still think she was an angel. But it was so much more than attraction. June really cared for her, listened to her, and was loyal to her. So in return Ellen was there for her as well. It’s the least she can offer in the relationship. 

June blushes. “Now I know you’re not staring at the Word of God like that. What’s got you all worked up?”

“You,” Ellen says and then gasps. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “I mean, sorry.”

The taller girl smirks. “I think we talked about this before.” Many times this year after Ellen came clean to her.

“Yes of course. It’s just really hard sometimes.” Ellen wanted badly for this “crush” to fade away, but it was persistent and if she didn’t know any better she’d say it was growing.

June finally turns to look at her. There’s understanding in her eyes, and something akin to longing, a tinge of it. “We mustn’t fall into the temptation of -“

“-disorderly passions. I know. I understand,” Ellen says solemnly. She looks down to her Bible. 1 Peter 2:11-12.

“Even if we did, Ellen, I’d only disappoint you.” June fiddles with her pen. This here, is perhaps the most hurtful part. The fact that Ellen knows that June reciprocates. It makes her heart beat faster and every glance carries more meaning. 

June blames it on hormones and their age.  And Ellen, well she wants to argue that she knows when love is love but it’s an argument she’s not ready to make.  It’s too soon to say and she’s too naive to know if it really is. 

June settles a hand against her cheek.

“But if it makes you feel any better, I think you’re absolutely gorgeous and you got a heart of gold.” Her voice is much too soft and Ellen can’t resist. 

They lean closer, their eyes close together. Ellen waits for her lips to connect with hers but all she hears is the chair screech back. “I gotta tee tee something fierce,” is all she says. She doesn’t even spare her a glance and it hurts Ellen more than she thought it would have. 

When she’s at the door though, June turns around. “Ellen, our friendship is far greater. We must safeguard it.” She’s right. 

And Ellen gnaws at these feelings and ideas throughout the week, throwing herself into her work and academics. 

“I will disappoint you, beloved. We will disappoint each other and hurt each other. It’s innate to us, to fall into sin and wear our heart on our sleeves. But His Word says that above all things to guard your heart. I will disappoint you but there’s someone who never disappoints, and his name is Jesus. Let’s think about this and pray, Beloved.”

Ellen continues to be distraught by these words from Fellowship that Friday afternoon when someone hits her car. For a second, she thinks it’s her fault and she groans. The car had spun multiple times and smoke is coming from the smashed hood. She does what any sensible person does, turns off the ignition and steps out. Ellen is okay, thank the Lord but as she stares at her precious car, tears prickle her eyes. 

“Oh shit,” a young, burly black man approaches her. He has a cut along his left temple and only then does Ellen realize that his car got wrecked too. “Are you okay?”

She simply nods, too distracted by seeing her precious Townace destroyed. The tears start flowing.

“Fuck,” the young man mutters. “Listen, don’t cry, alright. I was just visiting some family I got over here. I can’t have you crying when the cops come. You’re a female white teen and it’s just bad rep for me. I’m a cop myself, see. A rookie but a cop nonetheless.” He flashed her his badge. 

She wipes away at her tears. Getting this black man in trouble is the least of her intentions.

“It’s my fault. I was uhhh trynna get my....iPod to work,” jamming his thumb onto the harmless device, “....darn touch wheel.”

He pulls it out and Ellen can’t help but be distracted. She’s always had a penchant for seeing brand new technology. “Wow you have an iPod!”

He looks up, relieved that Ellen has paused her crying. “Yeah, listen. What’s your name?”

“Ellen”

“Ellen. Okay. I’m Bowser. Listen, I can pay for your.....what is it?”

“1987 Toyota Townace,” she says matter-of-factly.

“Right...Anyways I can pay for that and have it fixed up for you but I have a feeling that thing was already on its last leg so why don’t I just take it off your hands, have my insurance pay you out and you get yourself a normal poor student car, like a Corolla or something of the sort.”

Bowser’s proposal is anyone else’s blessing. She’s heard horror stories of people who hit and run or hit and have no insurance. But still, she turns to look at the car. June thought it had character and she was right. It did. Never one to be flashy, Ellen really only cared about getting to places. The car was still a gift from Grandpa Easton and in many ways, it represented her. Janky but with character. 

She looked up to the sky. What would Jesus do? Was the Townace really a want or a need? As the sun finishes setting, and twilight enters Ellen realizes much like many of her other desires, that those aren’t really wants, and she must do what she has to do.

“I accept your offer, Mr. Bowser.”

ii. Blair

She hates Sterling for what she did, but she misses her like a little kid....

Sterling is gone. She left Atlanta in a hurry, far before school started. She’d told her parents it’s because she wanted a head start on getting to know people, getting acclimated and such. Which is really straight bullshit because Blair knows that the real reason Sterling ran away to the Bay early is because she managed to piss off everyone who loves her.

It was the surprise of the century. Sterling had everyone fooled. Their parents, Bowser...April. You see the original plan pleased everyone. Sterling got into Duke, Blair got into Chapel Hill, and April was farther away at Penn but not excruciatingly far which allowed for them to schedule out weekends together. “Todo mundo happy, everyone contento.” At least that’s the stupid happy-go lucky phrase their Spanish teacher taught them. 

But it wasn’t a week before graduation that Sterling called everyone together and let the news slip. She never actually accepted Duke. Instead Sterling had applied to UC Berkeley, got in and had accepted. The living room was silent for a good solid minute. And then all hell broke loose. April simply stood up and left. Her parents shook their heads disappointedly (disappointed that Sterling had lied. They would always be supportive of whatever academic endeavors they chose to follow). And Blair, well she was just silent.

It wasn’t till the last day before school that she overheard the massive argument Sterling and April had. 

“You’re -fucking- selfish!” April half-yelled, half-gritted. 

“I’m selfish! You’re the one who had us in the closet all this time. I’ve always followed my heart and living in the West Coast is going to finally allow me be free from all the repression that his backwater community and you brought upon me.”

Blair pops in her headphones knowing shit is about to hit the fan but later when Sterling is crying under the covers, Blair stops having pity.

“She’s right you know?”

Sterling pokes her head out, her eyes bloodshot and weary. “You too?”

“It is selfish, Sterl. I always thought it was going to be me and you. But now you’ve made your choice.” Blair hates her words but they just seem like the right ones.

“You don’t understand,” her sister gasps softly tears streaming down her cheeks, “You and April won’t ever understand. I have to do this for me.”

Blair can’t help but agree. “Yeah I guess we don’t.”

Graduation comes and goes, and everything just feels to bittersweet. Sterling leaves three days after. She hugs her before entering the terminal and stares sadly when she doesn’t hug her back. In all honestly, Blair is still shocked. Still betrayed. 

And now a shy three weeks later she sits in Yogurtopia still feeling the same but now worse because Sterling is not here and despite everything. Her soulmate is gone. Her better half. Her sister. She sighs and her shoulders slump as she cleans the fudge pump, hoping that once again Sterling’s annoyed smack could be heard. 

Instead the door chimes ring bringing in a new customer. And lo and behold, her partner in sorrow walks in. In any other world, Blair would revel in seeing April grovel in pain at the hands of Sterling but seeing as in they were both in the same boat she actually felt bad. 

April looked worse than when her dad went to prison again in the beginning of Senior year. Her hair was all frizzy and it showed that clearly this summer’s heat was going to be the last thing she would care about. Deep dark circles appeared below her glossy eyes signifying that sleep escaped her. And Blair got a whiff of her. She for sure had no showered. 

“Hi Blair.”

“April...how can-“

Interrupting desperately. “Have you spoken to your sister?” 

Blair shakes her head. “No. She’s being a bitch so I won’t be reaching out to her.”

“That she is.” They stare at each other uncomfortably because now that the one person who brought them together is not here there really isn’t much else to say to each other. Tragic, really.

Blair decides to break the tension extending a froyo cup the other girl’s way. “Here have some heartbreak froyo on me.”

Like a scared critter grabbing some food from a stranger’s hand, April approaches Blair softly. But when her hand grabs the container tears pool around her tired eyes. “I miss her so much Blair.”

Blair’s not going to cry. Not for Sterling, and while it’s true that she also misses her she won’t lose her dignity over it. She simply nods listening to the other desperate being standing across from her. 

“Blair, Sterling is it for me,” April whimpers. 

“I know.” It’s all she can really offer. 

April zombie walks away to fill her froyo cup and sits in a corner when Bowser walks in. Blair herself had gone back to cleaning the fudge pump. She could feel his gaze on both of them. Blair swore if he asked them about Sterling too she would walk out. 

“Ladies,” he says loudly, startling her. She looks up at him questioningly. Across the room, April looks up too. “Come into my office.”

“Me?” April points to herself. 

“I don’t see any other lady I could be referring to right?”

Bowser let’s them settle into his office couch when suddenly rips at ‘em.

“Let me give you two a life lesson. When someone parts from your life, you don’t sulk. You gotta pick yourself back up again and stand straight even if your heart is torn to pieces. You wanna know why? Because you’re here beating yourself over someone who made a choice and is off living without remorse. So S-T-O-P Sulking!”

April drops her head ashamedly. What a chump, Blair thinks but also how dare Bowser categorize them together. At least she showers.

“Bowser I’m not sulking-“

“You’re fucking sulking Blair. You sulk differently from this one but you’re sulking.” 

Blair crosses her arms and sits back letting herself drown into the couch. She supposed that perhaps she is sulking. At home she rarely says anything. Sometimes her mind takes her into this deep wormhole where she tries to explain why Sterling has made the choice she made and it only brings Blair suffering. Maybe, she thinks, it’s Sterling’s way of sticking it back to her parents because they lied for so long? Maybe Sterling’s gone because she knows Blair is not really her twin or her sister for that matter, and she doesn’t care. Blair’s goosebumps activate when she remembers the latter.

“Sterling made her choice. So now the ball is in your court: you either accept or her choice or deny it and let go. Now, the choice doesn’t have to be made at this minute. Let it simmer a bit but stay occupied. That’s why this summer I’ve decided to hire you both as my bounty hunters for a summer edition of teenage bounty hunting.” His hands open up with the proposal.

Blair turns to meet April’s widened eyes. Ugh, will she even last under her state? Her disdain seems to carry through to her face because Bowser continues.

“I know I lost my best gunslinger but Blair you know we don’t use guns to catch skips. In fact, I think Stevens’ dramatic flair and intelligence can help us capture the skips without causing much ruckus. Think of it as 007 and not Terminator.”

He has a point. Blair nods in agreeable. “Okay.”

“Okay!” A sense of accomplishment literally puffs Bowser’s chest and Blair wants to roll her eyes but instead turns to the other girl who hasn’t responded.

I mean, it’s not like she has a choice at this point and Blair knows she has nothing to do at home.

“Alright, great.” Bowser smiles also not caring for April’s consent either. “Blair, I’m letting you go early but take Stinky over here to wash up and start teaching her everything you know.”

Blair catches the other girl sniffing herself and cringing. Maybe Bowser’s pep talk and plan does pull em through for the summer. 

Having realized that her shift truly is over she pulls out of her Yogurtopia apron and hat, motions Stevens out the back door and out into the backlot. 

Blair stops suddenly though, making April crash into her when the door slams behind them. In front of her, stands a beat up, broken down mini-van? Is it a mini-van? It’s weirdly shaped like a box but she supposes that maybe at its original time the concept of shape fluidity didn’t exist. 

While the dismantled vehicle presents numerous questions in her head it also brings about an influx of ideas, imagination, and creativity. Sometimes Blair astounds herself. 

She turns around.

“Blair what-“ she pushes April to the side and starts slamming her hand down roughly on the one-sided locked back door.

“Bowser! Bowser! Open up, I have a question.” Suddenly the door opens revealing a disgruntled Bowser.

“Why can’t you go around?”

She shakes her head and points at the car. “What is that? And has it been there this whole time?”

“It’s a 1987 Toyota Townace and yes it’s been there this whole time.” His hands settle on his hips.

“A Toyota,” her nose crinkles. If she had to buy a Japanese brand she’d take a Nissan over a Toyota but none the matter.

“Can I have it?” 

Bowser’s eyes widen. “Umm, you gotta pay me?”

“Pay you?! What the fuck? No you just have it sitting there like trash. Come onnnnn. Please Bowser.”

He crosses his arms attempting to intimidate her but she crosses her own knowing damn well she’s going to win this showdown. 

“Fine.”

“Yes! Come on Stevens, let’s go. I have another project for us.”

Operation: Oregon Trail is simple. 

Step 1: Build one of those Tik-Tok inspired #vanlife vans from the Toyota during the summer 

Step 2: Go to school

Step 3: Come back to Atlanta and drive to UC Berkeley during Winter Break

Step 4: Beg for forgiveness

Step 5: Drive back home for the holidays with Sterling in tow

By Week 3, her and April were busy working on the van in the day and bounty hunting at night. 

“Can you pass me the caulk?” April mutters by the corner she’s working on. 

Blair smirks, “This cock?” She stands, the caulk gun positioned at her crotch swinging it in her hands in April’s direction.

Catching the joke much too late, April deadpans and rolls her eyes. “Give me that!”

Blair chuckles but never accounts for what she sees next.

“Besides,” April grips the edge of the rod and places it near her crotch while her other hand rubs up and down the tube of caulk, the liquid oozing out from the tip, “my cock is way bigger than yours.”

It’s only until they’re both literally rolling on the floor of the van laughing that Blair knows, this summer is definitely going to be a contender for her Top 5 Best Summers Ever list.

iii. April

Her fingers have frostbite as she pumps gas on the Ace. By the end of the summer, both Blair and her’s ass kicking in bounty hunting had paid off and they used the money to invest in the best for the Ace. The van was now equipped with new 4x4 locking hubs, a new oxygen sensor, a new alternator, new brake pads, new tires, a new battery, and a brand new Queen bed. 

The feeling of accomplishment dwindles though when she goes to school. Penn wasn’t her first or her second choice. But it was an Ivy League and one far enough away that she can start being herself without anyone judging her. April has been waiting her whole life to come out of the closet and she does, at least to her mother and she pens a letter to her father in federal prison. That’s not really the problem though.

The problem is that the minute she steps on campus she realizes she’s no longer the main character in her movie. There’s 40,000+ students and everyone moves in and out of classes, student organizations, and greek houses. It’s overwhelming to say the least. She signs up to be in the LGBTQ+ student org, but even attending the first meeting she has trouble settling in. Everyone is so….out, that at the end of the meeting she feels like her parents at the country club: bitchy and judge-y. 

Don’t get her wrong, April does manage to make friends at school. There’s Erin and Jen who are in her Feminist Literature class, and Alwyn, a cute gay freshman who she discovered sitting in the back at the next LGBTQ+ meeting like a deer in headlights. But none of them fill the emptiness she feels. The truth is that she knows that most of the feelings she’s feeling can only be quelled by Sterling Wesley.

April is nervous, and understandingly so, that when she finally makes it to Berkeley, Sterling will have already moved on. “I mean yeah she’s probably dating,” Blair says over the phone one night during their weekly check-ins. Blair has been a breath of fresh air during her stay here. They meet twice during their first semester. The first she travels down to North Carolina for a weekend and Blair gives her the “slutty tour” of Chapel Hill. It’s fun because they both get shitfaced but April regrets it when she has to stop three times on the side of the road to throw up as she drives back. 

The second time, Blair meets up with her at Penn for Thanksgiving. They actually have a nice formal dinner and Blair brings a paper map to plot out their route for December. 

“I finally called her,” Blair confesses.

“You did?”

“Yeah. She’s doing okay. She said she was actually really glad to have heard from me. I told her not to buy a ticket home.”

April really wants to ask her if Sterling mentioned her but she decides against it. It would damper Blair’s emotions at the moment and April was at a place where she really valued Blair as a person.

By the time December comes around she’s actually excited to go back home. She just hoped that home wasn’t as cold as Penn. It was.

“Fuckin global warming,” she mutters. Curse words seemed more common now in her language since moving out but also, let’s be honest, it’s all Blair.

“April! Is that you?” She jumps at the shrill voice behind her. 

Turning around she fines herself face to face with none other than…… “Ellen!” 

The woman throws herself and envelops April in a big hug. The old April never used to be one for physical touch but again after the Wesleys, all that had changed.

“Oh my goodness. You are now a college woman. Look at you. How’s Penn State?”

Part of her wants to unleash everything she’s been feeling these past few months but then again its Ellen. She foregoes it because she knows even Ellen won’t have the right answers. “It’s good. Everything is good, I have friends. I’m doing very well in my classes.”

“I bet, you always were a star -“ Ellen looks behind her at the Ace, “pupil.” The lithe woman takes a step back looking at the van in its totality. “Is this a 1987 Toyota Townace?” The wonder in her voice does not escape April.

“It is. Me and Blair actually flipped it before we left to school.” 

Ellen’s eyes gloss over. She’s no longer there, April thinks, she’s transported herself to another place, perhaps another time. It happens to Ellen all the time, and April always wonders where in fact it is that she goes to. “Ellen?”

The blonde woman snaps out of it. “Oh sorry, I got lost there a bit. You know, I used to have a car just like this when I was a student at Willingham.”

“Oh wow, really?”

“Yes and she was a beaut! Of course, the other students didn’t think so but I thought she had character.”

April nods in understanding. “Well me and Blair are loading her up to drive to Berkeley and pick Sterling up.”

“Oh,” Ellen gushes, “that’s absolutely wonderful. I am so glad that you and Sterling were able to come together and work your differences aside, because I know what you two have is special.”

Now it’s April’s turn to transport herself. To a time when Sterling was just some girl she was trying to beat in her overachiever conquest, and then to a time when the Georgia sun settled on her blonde hair and her moist lips descended over hers during golden hour. “You were right this whole time. Ellen, I love Sterling Wesley, and I’m not sure if you agree or not but I just wanted to say thank you for pushing us in the right direction.” April does not regret her words but she is shocked at her own boldness of coming out to her high school mentor. Call it a spur of the moment.

Ellen’s eyes soften at her confession. “April, thank you for trusting me. I think I always knew but its great to here. I can’t really say that I judge y’all. I love you two far too much to do that. But…I can say that I know exactly how you feel. I actually used to have a -friendship- like yours and Sterling’s.” Ellen grabs her hands. “Oh, oh, her name was June whether you believe it or not.” They both chuckle at the coincidence. “Oh she was so great and so kind. An angel, my angel. But those were different times and we just…couldn’t.”

April knows being in the closet was hard but Sterling always reminded her that there were more people out in this country than ever before and it was true. She met so many other lesbians at school who lived amongst more supportive communities. She can’t imagine what life would be like without all these supports she now held for granted. 

“I’m so sorry, Ellen.” But it wasn’t too late, right? “Where is June now?”

Ellen dropped her hands. “Oh she…she’s gone with Our Lord. Right after college, she was diagnosed with cancer. I stayed with her the whole time through though.” A single tear rolled down her pristine cheek until she brushed it away with the back of her hand. April hugged her once again. “Oh don’t you fuss about me. I have a greater love that sustains me, the Lord’s love. And I love all of y’all and being of service. It’s my life’s passion from here till Jesus himself comes for me.”

June and Ellen sit with April throughout the trek. Not everyone gets their happy ever after. What if she and Sterling don’t get hers? Or worse, what if Sterling really has settled and moved on? How is she supposed to move on? April almost quits halfway through the trip when they camp out in Yellowstone (a side adventure they’d planned out). The stars were bright and twinkling above them, when her insecurities bubble through. 

“Blair, why did I come on this trip?”

They usually both stick to their edge of the bed. Something about *not being near the object of my sister’s desire because ew gross.*

“Because you’re so head over ass for my sister and you’re going to conquer her back.” Blair hasn’t turned around which is very typical of Blair considering she’s probably tired of hearing her gripe over they same bullshit all this time.

“I just...I don’t know. What if I go and she’s with someone?”

This time she does turn around to face her. “Okay first of all, I think she would have told me if she is like really seeing someone. And second of all,” Blair sits up a bit more and grasps one of her shoulders, “April love is for the brave. And if there’s something I’ve learned about you since I’ve known you is that you are not weak. You have massive big clit energy and when you really, really want something you make anyone your bitch until you get it. Love isn’t something that weak people do. Being in love takes a hell of a lot of hope.”

She let’s go of her shoulder and leans back into her pillow. “So shut up already and just waltz in their to get your woman.”

The rest of the trip is light and fun. There’s so much nature to explore across the country. It’s even more fun when along the way some flirty cops stop them and Blair fakes being her girlfriend to get them off their tail. She even throws in a signature lewd hand gesture right when they pull back into the highway. 

Berkeley is just 20 minutes away and the nerves jump back at an all-time high. 

“Do I look good?” she asks, checking herself out on the rear view mirror.

“No you look like shit.” Blair’s legs are up on the dashboard and she already told her like 50 times on this trip that that is dangerous but she doesn’t seem to care.

“Haha, I’m kidding. You look hot. Like lesbian hot, I guess. Not that you would be my type or anything. Just saying.”

April rolls her eyes and continues driving. It’s 9pm and she had freshened up her makeup and hair at the last stop knowing this would be their last push to the end. They’ve both been silent. It’s likely the Blair is just as nervous as her in seeing Sterling again and praying that shit doesn’t blow over again like it did last time. So many emotions, so little time to process them all. Compartmentalizations no longer working.

“April,” she can’t turn her head completely to look at Blair because her eyes are glued to the road but she motions her head that she’s listening. “I just want to tell you that no matter what happens right now. Me and you are friends. I think, like, almost best friends. I hope we can stay that way.”

She can’t help but turn to look at Blair because this is the first time she’s ever directed such honest need for her in April’s whole life.

April grips the steering wheel tightly. “Of course. This is surprising to me as much as it is to you but honestly, you saved me this year. This has been the best summer and adventure I have ever had.”

They both share watery smiles. “Okay, okay. Let’s pleaseee stop with the sappiness. Play some Eilish and Bridgers and let’s go get our girl!”

When April puts the van in park outside Sterling’s off-campus apartment she wishes the ground would open up and swallow her. But the minute April hears her infectious laugh and catches a glimpse of her from the side mirror, she gets her bearings. “Stevens always win,” she whispers to herself.

“I missed you, my other half,” Blair says.

Sterling’s crying. April can’t see her but she knows by the way her little hiccups come through when she murmurs, “I miss you too Blair-bear.”

When she walks over to them, Sterling’s back is to her and she makes sure to not interrupt their sisterly moment. Blair being Blair though has other plans. “Sterl, I also brought you a surprise.”

“A surprise?” Sterling says still not having seen her. It’s almost as if time itself has stopped and April notices all the tiny new things that make her fall harder for the girl in front of her. Her hair is longer and even in loungewear, April knows she’s been working out, if only because her ass looks tighter and firmer. 

April clears her throat and Sterling immediately turns. 

iv. Sterling

“April?” April is here. Blair she knows would come around, but April! The last time they were in front of each other they had been at each other’s throats, hurtful words had been shared, and tears had been shed. The only reason why they even took graduation pictures together was because Debbie harshly whispered into her ear that she would regret it the rest of her life, so she complied, even though they both look pissed in the pictures. 

So Sterling is perhaps a little shocked that she is here. And yet the butterflies in her stomach suddenly take flight and the crisp Bay Area air gets thinner making it harder and harder to breathe. 

“Hi,” April says breathily too. They keep staring at each other until Blair coughs. 

“We’re pooped Sterl. It’s been a long ass drive. Are you gonna take us up to your bachelorette pad?” She breaks off the staring contest she has with April and looks to her sister. 

“I um. I only have one bed but uh, you can have the sofa if you want April. Except its like a really tiny sofa, but I mean you’re tiny. But like not like that. I didn’t mean it-“

Blair butts in again, “Sterling, hey. I think we get it.”

Rose creeps up through her neck and cheeks, giving her a beautiful complexion despite the obvious California tan. “Oh ha ha, yeah. Ummm so I mean do you wanna come up...”

“I’m actually pretty tired and this van has a bed. I can sleep here.”

Her reactions are delayed by about 10 sec but she nods in agreement and turns to her sister stiffly. “Alright well let’s go Blair.”

It’s only until they are by the stairs that Blair snickers, “Welp that was awkward.”

Sterling holds her tongue till they’re both behind her door. Turning suddenly to Blair, “What is April doing here?”

“You mean, April, my best friend.”

“Yes,” she seethes. “I know she’s your best friend, she’s practically in all your Instagram stories.”

Blair ponders for a second, “Hmmm I didn’t know you were so invested in my Instagram feed.”

Now that’s just silly of Blair to think. “Of course, you’re my sister.”

“Oh really, because it didn’t seem that way when you left.”

Sterling looks at her forlornly. She knows Blair didn’t come all this way to fight with her but Sterling thought she could get away with not hearing about this. “Blair, come on. You know why I did it?”

Blair crosses her arms, looking around her apartment. Thankfully her other two roommates had already left home for the holidays. “To live in a small, shitty California apartment all for the sake of your sexual liberation.”

“Yes.”

“I just wish you would have trusted me with that. I wish you would have trusted our parents and April. All of us.” Blair grabs her by her shoulders. “Did you forget we are your biggest fans? Sure we would have griped and groaned but, me…..Me, Sterling, I wouldn’t have cared, I would have supported you 100 percent.”

Sterling saw and felt the pain her sister held. “I think I know that now but at the time I was scared. I was scared that the minute one of you tried to stop me I’d cave in and not follow my heart. And so I removed myself the opportunity. Because I love you and if you would have told me to stay, I would have but then I wouldn’t be happy thinking about the what-if and blaming you for it.” 

They’re both crying now, knowing that the pain they had caused themselves was unnecessary. No one was to blame, but fear itself was. “I’m sorry I was a bitch to you,” Blair whispered into her shoulder.

Sterling kisses her cheeks. “And I’m sorry I ran away. I promise this is the last time I keep something from you and I promise to be honest from now on. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The clock in her room strikes 2am but sleep is nowhere near her. Having Blair here in her room brings a comfort unlike any she’s felt since she got here. Berkeley, the Bay, and California in general have been so good to her. The people and the ambiance is everything Sterling imagined it to be and more. The only thing its missing is her family, her people. Sometimes she’ll sit and crack a joke knowing Blair can keep the gag going but it falls short to roommates. Sometimes she’s running low on energy and wants to quit schoolwork all together and imagines April scolding her but kissing her ear motivating her to finish so she’ll get the reward at the end. Sometimes she wishes Debbie and Anderson were nearby so they can tuck her in goodnight. It’s hard to want everything and not being able to have it all. She makes amends with what she has and currently having Blair here is everything.

“Dude so then April is yapping it up with the skip, giving a really good New York accent might I add. The girl deserves an Oscar, when Blam! I hit em from the back and down he goes. Poor guy never saw it coming. And that was a solid 2k we used to buy the tires and the alternator for the Ace.” What is surprising though is hearing April’s name fall out of Blair’s mouth so nonchalantly.

“So April is like your new best friend?” She asks timidly.

“I suppose yeah. Stevens is cool. She’s like super resourceful and like really good at mechanics AND she also comes up with all these nasty jokes. I would have never thought she was that cool,” Blair gushes.

Sterling tries to answer but silence follows and Blair speaks up again, “Are you like jealous? Because you shouldn’t. I don’t roll that way.”

“No,” Sterling confirms, “I know you don’t. It’s just surprising is all. Usually I was the one who would tell you every new thing I learned about her and now it’s like she’s some stranger you’re sharing to me about.”

Blair flops on to her belly and grabs the pillow to prop it under her chin. “Look can I just say something, Sterl. April came here all this way to apologize and try to make it right because she truly, deeply loves you. You might think I am biased as her new best friend, and you’re right. I totally am. But look, I know, she said some pretty shitty stuff last time but its Stevens we know she has like 50 mental defense mechanisms that are toxic but she’s grown a lot and she’s really trying. You two are totally different but I think that’s why you work so perfectly. Sterling, you can love anyone you want at the end of the day and as long as they don’t hurt you, I’ll support you but April is really good for you. So just think about it okay. Let her do the work and try to convince you.” Blair waits for her response.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Blair smiles mischievously. “Great. Now I can finally go to sleep.”

“Uhuh, are you sure you didn’t want to throw in some pervy joke?” 

Blair snickers and wiggles her eyebrows, “Nah I’ll let April tell you all the ones she knows.”

The next morning, Sterling wakes up at 9:00am. It’s so late that it’s likely that Blair and April are probably already up. She reaches the tap the bed beside her and finds it empty, confirming her suspicions. 

“Blair?” She says into the living room. There’s a small circular dining table on the corner with a bright neon pink sticky note that wasn’t there the night before.

Sterl

I was serious about last night. Give April a chance.

She doesn’t know I had booked a flight back to Atlanta. 

Drive back with her. I’ll see y’all soon.

Xoxo gossip girl LOL ;)

Suddenly there’s knocking at her door. “Sterling, its me April,” there’s an urgency in her voice and its probably because she’s panicking too. When she opens up the door she finds a frantic April, “I swear I didn’t know she was going to do that. I can’t believe Blair fucking did that. Ugh I should have seen it coming.”

“It’s okay, really, come in.” She moves aside to let April in and Sterling gulps loudly which she regrets immediately right after. She is really super close to embarrassing herself in front of April.

The bane of her existence/object of her affection moves around capturing everything at once. She can tell when she’s making observations, profiling her and storing it away in her mental back pocket. Its annoying, but also extremely sexy. Eventually April’s gaze turns to her, and the scrutiny continues but its much softer. Like her gaze is capturing a mental picture of her.

April is still as adorable and beautiful as she last left her. She wears leggings that show absolutely every hard muscle and a cropped hoodie that shows her hard rock abs. “I saw Starbucks down the street so I brought you a Flat White.” And that right there is the kicker. If she wasn’t wet before just looking at the small woman before her, now she definitely is because the past six months she’s been forced to drink only cold brews with cold foam. Or drip espresso. Ugh.

“Thanks. I should go get dressed and finish packing, so we can go,” she murmurs. She hates that the air is heavy with their awkwardness. She turns to go into her room when suddenly April grips her arm.

“Sterling wait,” April’s hand loosens up instinctively, she would never hurt her, “I think I know why Blair left. She’s giving me a chance. A chance to have the space to apologize and be honest with you.” She sets both Starbucks cups down and pulls out a piece of paper with her perfect handwriting, with red edit notes and scribbles that Sterling can absolutely giggle about. “I wrote this note saying how I felt but its much to drab for my taste. Not when I can try to tell you with my mouth and with my words.”

April stands straight and takes a step toward her. “Sterling Wesley, I am here, having travelled and waited for so long because I would like to apologize to you about the things I said when we last spoke. I was hurt at the moment. I felt betrayed and used, but you were right to feel closeted by my inaction in having us move out of that closet. I’m sorry I wasn’t more supportive of your decision at the time. It’s one of my greatest regrets. Bowser and Blair both tried to nudge me to move on but it was so hard. My heart just kept coming back to you.”

She pauses her look narrowed more determined. “I love you. I know that now and yet I’ve always known the minute you kissed me at Ellen’s office that day. I haven’t been as brave as I could be but I’m here now. I love you and I want us to work and im here to beg you to forgive me because I’ve been living like a lost woman all summer and fall without you.” 

There’s no question asked but it lingers heavy in the air. It’s by far the most beautiful, unorganized thought that has come from April Stevens mouth. She licks her lips to relieve the onslaught of cottonmouth she suddenly feels. She follows her sister’s advise. “Convince me.”

Oh how the tables have turned. When the shorter girl looks at her dumbfounded, Sterling takes a step further standing in her personal space. “Convince me we can do this.”

April stares at her bare shoulder since she’s wearing tank top. Her longer hair is half up and half down, tickling her back but not as intense the goosebumps that settle on her skin by being able to hear April’s shaky breath. 

“Okay. You were upset that I was still closeted but right before I left to Penn I came out to both my mom and my dad.”

Oh my god, April came out to her parents. If she could have thrown herself at her she would have, but Sterling wanted to remain firm. “That’s great but we are at opposite ends of this country.”

April crosses her hands and licks her lips thinking. “Yes well, there is an app called FaceTime which works wonders for situations like these. Also, John left numerous amount of frequent flyer miles I can use throughout the year to come visit. We can schedule it together.”

There’s really not much more to debate about it. April flashes her a smirk because she knows she won. Or so she thinks. “What if I’m already seeing someone?”

April stops breathing and Sterling’s gaze challenges her. “Well…I suppose there’s only two ways to go about this. One, I can buy you you’re ticket to Atlanta and you won’t ever have to see me again. Or two I could convince you in other ways.” This intrigues her. “Other ways?”

“Yeah.” April steps forward again, her head lifting up, their lips so close. “Convince you that I’m way better. It just requires that we both take our clothes off.”

“Oh then I definitely choose this option better.” And she seals the deal.

It isn’t till the next day as they lay half naked in the back of the Ace after another round of lovemaking. It’s the last night they have to sleep in the van before they drive into Atlanta. The Ace is just outside   Ozark, Arkansas is where they decided to settle after their small detour in Branson. Blair and April originally had measure to route two paths, a northern one on the way into Berkeley and a southern one on the way into Atlanta, so all the sites on this trip were as new to April as they were to Sterling.

The sun finished setting, and the cold winter weather seeped in. Sterling feels sated and loved and relaxed. She’s about to let sleep wash over her when she hears April fumble next to her. She pops open and eye only to find the other girl struggling to put on her pajama pants whilst staring at her ass.

Her face reddens when she notices she’s been caught. “Are you just going to sleep with your ass out and the doors open?”

She props herself on her elbows looking back at the question at hand. “Yeah why not?”

April crinkles her nose. “There could be serial backwater lake rapists. I’m at least closing the doors. Plus it’s cold.”

She hums accepting that last bit. But settles her head on the pillow again. “Besides my ass looks really good,” she pulls out her gun from the compartment next to her, “And I have my glock locked and loaded right here.”

It’s funny to see April horny but Sterling lives for it. “That’s really hot,” April whispers probably hoping Jesus doesn’t hear her statement.

“I know it is,” she smirks back. 

It’s only until April snuggles next to her that Sterling really starts counting her blessings. She didn’t need much convincing after leaving Berkeley. She’d dated around the first semester but everyone seemed to superficial or too careless or not firm enough or too tall. It’s the height that really confirmed that she missed April terribly so. But the words that had been exchanged had been too harsh and in the April/Sterling playbook, April always won verbal debates. There seemed to be no remedy because in Sterling’s mind the ball had always been in April’s court. 

It’s funny just a few days ago she confided in Blair that April seemed like a distant stranger but now Sterling knows it took them less than a day to get reacquainted with each other. And now, well now it seems like they never split.

“Sterl, Top 5 moments on this road trip,” April murmurs against her bare shoulder.

There was so many:

LA was largely overrated but it was fun to drive along PCH with their hair out.

Then they snapped obnoxiously cute pics with the Cabazon Dinosaurs and the Joshua trees

They saw all the weird Alien museums in Roswell 

The cowboy drag show in Amarillo

The Dolly cabaret in Branson

“Hmmm I think my top 5, is 5. Singing to all of Taylor’s top hits down PCH while scarfing down our In-N-Out.”

April smiles, “Yeah classic.”

“4. Would have to be the Jesus Mountain out in the desert.”

“Oh yes. I had forgotten about that.”

Sterling laughed remembering the crazy amount of sex they’d have right after leaving Salvation Mountain.

“3. The drag cowboys.”

April snickers next to her, “I think I liked more the lap dance you gave me there.”

“Oh of course, that’s totally why it’s up there. 2. Would have to be all the mind-blowing sex we are having.”

The other girl nods. “Yes agree, yup.”

And Sterling pauses before announcing one, deciding to intertwine their fingers together. “1. Is you coming back to me.” She pulls her hand up to her lips to press a light kiss on it. 

Beside her April lightly exhales fast asleep. She’d roll her eyes at having exerted such a romantic moment for nothing. Sterling knows though there is a conviction in her heart. A truth that stands firm now and that will continue to be even after April wakes her up again in the morning. Sterling is going to love her for a very, very long time. 

[introvertguide]

High Noon (1952); AFI #27

Our next film up for review is the not-so-standard western, High Noon, starring Gary Cooper and Grace Kelly. The movie was nominated for seven Academy Awards and took home four trophies for Best Actor, Best Editing, Best Music, and Best Song. Westerns at the time were generally focused on the flawless hero who everybody loves and the citizens that band together to fight the bad guy. The good guys were all good and the bad guys were all bad. This is not the case with current film and it was one of the few Westerns nominated for Best Director, Best Picture, and Best Writing (although these were the awards that the movie did not win). It is a genre film that completely went against type. I really want to continue but I realize that now is the time to go through the plot, so let us first give the warning...

SPOILER ALERT!!! I AM GOING TO SPOIL THE WHOLE MOVIE AND IT IS WELL WORTH SEEING SO DON’T READ FURTHER UNTIL YOU WATCH ON YOUR OWN!!! IT IS ONLY 85 MINUTES LONG SO GIVE IT A CHANCE!!! IT IS VERY WORTH YOUR TIME TO SEE WITHOUT IT BEING SPOILED!!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remember that the film has a run time of 85 minutes and this is the amount of time that passes in the movie. With this in mind, there will be no “meanwhile” or “while that was happening...” in this review. Everything is shown that matters and assume that time is passing for everyone in town whether or not they are on screen.

Three men meet outside Hadleyville, a small town in the New Mexico Territory, are gathered and ride over to the train station to wait for a train. The scene switches to the retirement and wedding of Marshal Will Kane (Gary Cooper), newly married to Amy Fowler (Grace Kelly), as he kisses his bride and turns in his badge and gun. The happy couple will soon depart for a new life to raise a family and run a store in another town. However, word arrives that Frank Miller, a vicious outlaw whom Kane sent to jail, has been released and will arrive on the noon train. Miller's gang—his younger brother Ben (Sheb Wooley), Jack Colby (Lee Van Cleef), and Jim Pierce (Robert Wilke)—are the three men awaiting his arrival at the train station. It is not directly stated by the three men, but it is clear that Miller intends to exact revenge since Kane put him in jail previously. A glance at the clock shows it is 10:45. This is especially a problem since the new marshal won’t arrive until the next day and Kane doesn’t want to leave the town with no protection.

Amy is a devout Quaker and pacifist so the solution is simple—leave town before Miller arrives. They actually start out in their buggy, but Kane turns around and takes them both back to the jailhouse because Kane insists on facing Miller and his men. "They're making me run", he tells her. "I've never run from anybody before." At this point, it is assumed that Kane will get his deputies and form a posse to face Miller. He is the beloved retiring lawman and the town had banded together before to put the man in jail in the first place. Amy gives Kane an ultimatum saying she is leaving on the noon train whether he joins her or not. Kane says he has to stay so they basically split up literally minutes after being married by the Justice of the Peace. 

Kane finds one man that immediately volunteers and then goes to the deputy Harvey Pell (Lloyd Bridges). Pell won’t help unless Kane puts in a good word and actually quits because he believes that Kane didn’t promote him to Marshall because of some old grudge over a woman. Kane denies even knowing about the relationship and Pell turns in his star and quits. Another person that Kane thought would help is Judge Percy Mettrick (Otto Kruger), who he finds packing up to get out of town because he doesn’t believe he will survive. The judge is the one who actually sentenced Miller, and believes the outlaw will want him dead.

Further dialogue reveals that Will Kane had stolen the lover of Frank Miller, a Mexican women named Helen Ramirez (Katy Jurado), and this was what prompted Miller to go wild and convinced the town to have him arrested. Kane is no longer with Ramirez and was not aware that she had been sleeping with the deputy. All together, it seems like Kane is not that great of a guy and that Miller has a legitimate grudge with him. The whole town knows this and some of them want Miller to kill Kane, so nobody will help him and he is again encouraged to leave. One friend named Sam Fuller hides in his house and has his wife cover for him. The old marshal is played by freaking Lon Chaney and he won’t help because he notes that members of law enforcement die and nobody really cares. Nobody at the church will help and even the one guy who volunteered backs out because he realizes it will be a slaughter. The only person who openly offers to help is a young boy, but Kane rejects that help and tells the boy to go home.

All this happens and is taking up the time before the noon train. Helen realizes that one of the men she loved will die and the lack of town support upsets her. Amy goes up to meet Helen and the two decide that they will go on the noon train together. Ramirez says she would stay with Kane and not abandon him, but Amy tells her own story of tragedy (she watched her father and brother die in a shoot out). 

Deputy Pell again expresses his anger at not being named the new marshal and so he corners Kane in the horse stables and demands that he be made made the marshal and Kane ride out of town. Their conversation becomes an argument, and then a fist fight. Kane finally knocks his former deputy senseless. Forlorn, Kane returns to his office to write out his will as the clock hits high noon.

Frank Miller (Ian MacDonald) arrives on the noon train and his group of men are waiting for him with a gun belt. Helen and Amy get on the train as the outlaws ride into town. There is a very famous overhead shot which shows Kane all alone in the streets with a genuine look of fear, assuming that all of his friends have deserted him and he is about to die. The gang walks into town and starts shooting at Kane, which Amy hears from the train and she decides to go back and help. Kane is able to gun down Ben Miller and Colby but is wounded and hides in the stable. He escapes by hanging on to a fleeing horse but is again cornered by the outlaws at the jailhouse. Amy runs into town and takes a gun from one of the bodies and hides. She is able to sneak up and shoot Pierce from behind. Frank Miller sees this and takes her hostage to call out Kane. The marshal comes out and Amy scratches at Miller to let her go and Kane gets the opportunity to gun down Frank Miller.

Kane helps his bride to her feet and they embrace. As the townspeople emerge and cluster around him, Kane throws his marshal's star in the dirt, glares at the crowd, and departs with Amy on their wagon.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I keep harping on about how this was not like any standard western of the time and I should probably explain more clearly now that the plot is known. Movies at the time focused on the American marshal as a pseudo superhero. They were honest and always on the side of good, they could ride horses and outshoot any outlaw, everybody loved them except bad guys, and women swooned in their wake. They also tended to be ruggedly handsome, tough as nails, and fearless. The antagonist, on the other hand, was completely wrong and had bad moral character. These bad guys mistreated women, disobeyed the law on purpose, stole, robbed, cheated, and had ugly scars. They traveled in groups in an attempt to intimidate people, but they were no match for the single good guy. But this movie changed everything.

An old marshal who just retired to marry a much younger woman sticks around town to fight a man whom he convicted to die. This villain had an issue with the old marshal because the lawman had stolen his woman. The deputy won’t stand with the retired marshal after being passed over for the job opening and many of the town members won’t help because they think the marshal should leave and let the new marshal deal with the problem. The marshal is scared and alone when he takes on the villains and it is his young bride who actually comes to his aid while he cowers in the jailhouse. At the end, the marshal throws his star on the ground and leaves without saying anything else. 

All members of the cast need to be commend on acting against character type because the general sense of fear at what was coming explained the realistic choice of most of the town running away. It is almost comical when all of the villains are dead and the entire town comes pouring into the streets and it is obvious that there were more than enough men to make a posse and easily protect the town. But the only person that came to help when it counted was a female 20-year-old pacifist Quaker. 

It has been noted by directors and film critics that this was not a very strong performance by Grace Kelly, especially when next to veteran Mexican actress Katy Jurado. Alfred Hitchcock later noted that she played a very meek part for such a strong role, but saw something in her (likely her blond hair and good looks) and gave her a much more fitting part when he cast her for Dial M for Murder, Rear Window, and To Catch a Thief. 

I could not find the film on any of the subscription services when I was looking to watch it so I had the DVD shipped through Netflix. This is a good way to go because I got to watch some DVD extras and learned that everybody and their dad was attached to the making of this film. The cinematographer was Floyd Crosby, the father of rock/folk singer David Crosby. The Deputy was played by Lloyd Bridges, who had two young children on set, Beau and Jeff Bridges. According to the extras, Beau was actually in the barn loft watching during the fight between Kane and his deputy. The singer of the theme song was country musician Tex Ritter, father of actor John Ritter. A very rich history of Hollywood royalty in this single movie.

Many of the actors and writers involved in the film were concerned that they were going to get black listed for being part of this production. It was the early 50s and the Red Scare was at its height in the United States. Many actors and screenwriters were being publicly prosecuted for committing acts against America, and any movie that did not actively promote patriotism was in danger of being accused of being communist. It was a bad time for Westerns that were innovative or went against the norm, which partially explains complaints that many films in the genre during the 50s were the same. This film that depicted a lawman sticking to what he believed in and finding all his friends shunning him was interpreted by some as promoting communism or attacking McCarthyism. Director Zinnemann did say he had all this on his mind during the filming and would consider it an allegory for the Hollywood blacklisting, but that was not necessarily the point from the start.

So should this movie be on the AFI 100? Absolutely! It is part of the most American of genres at a focal point in the country’s history, yet flies in the face of all the standards of that genre. Despite this, it still was nominated for a bunch of awards and highly acclaimed by liberal and conservative leaning viewers alike. The movie is full of Old Hollywood greatness as far as the stars and the crew. The AFI list was created for innovative Americana like this. Would I recommend it? Absolutely! Just the innovate shots and the use of real time alone makes for a great watch. The story is great and the acting is great. There are few movies on the AFI list with pacing this good and it is a very easy film to watch and enjoy. Highly recommend.

[thegeekyblondegirlwholovesstars]

Coming Home Part Two

I am so sorry it took me so long to get this second part up. I have just been crazy busy because I finish school in a few days. I might be a little inconsistent with posting this series for the next week but hopefully I’ll be able to get something up every other day. Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list :) and thank you for reading I hope you enjoy!!💖

Warnings: For this part there are none. Most parts will only go as far as the show does, however, warnings but in future parts there will be sexual assault and trauma.

JJ x Reader

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

That last night at the fireside was the best send off you could have asked for. Big John, Hayward, and your parents even joined the four of you after they had gotten off work. You all ate the most amazing food. Your mom had brought the most juicy and sweet watermelon and her notorious brownies, they were a family recipe and it took a little over 10 minutes for everyone to get through a whole batch because they were just that good. Hayward brought his famous steak kabobs and Big John grilled corn on a the cob and fish that you and the boys had caught earlier that day. As it started to get dark and all of the talking and stories died down you could practically feel your heart shatter and your smile fade from your face because you knew it would be time to go home soon and you were leaving first thing tomorrow morning. The parents started to pack up and John B and Pope had been tasked with putting the fire out. You didn’t move. You realized this was your last few moments with your best friends and you sank to the ground, out of the chair you had been sitting in and started balling. JJ had been putting some food into the fridge for Big John but when he walked out the back door to see you curled up into yourself crying he ran over to you. As he got to were you chair was he slowed his pace. He walked up behind you and squatted next you, he rubbed your shoulder and said

“Hey, hey, it’s okay lift your head up.”

You shook your head and continued to sob into your lap. Now he shifted so he was in front of you. His soothing smile concealed the pain of losing you that hid behind his eyes.

“y/n, I can’t have you crying the last time I see you. What kind of goodb-... I mean see you later would that be?”

Now you lifted your head up and wiped the tears from under your eyes.

“A sucky one.” you sniffled

“Darn right it would be a sucky one so how about you stand up and we can take a walk. Let’s see if I can put a smile back on your face, huh?”

You craned your neck to watch him as he stood up and dusted his hands off before he extended a hand to help you up. “Well J looks like I’ve taught you a few things as far as comforting people goes” you said as he pulled you to your feet.

“I only learn from the best.”

He started to lead you toward the doc and the HMS Pogue but you grabbed his hand and looked him in the eyes.

“Promise me you’ll take care of yourself and JB and Pope? It’s been my job to look after the three of you and I just I- I wanna know you guys will be safe when I’m gone”

The corners of JJ’s mouth twitched as he swallowed a sob. Blinking away a tear he said, “Of course I’ll protect them. I’ll do anything and anything for them, not that I wouldn’t all ready but I’ll make sure to keep everyone safe for you while you’re gone. This isn’t goodbye y/n, you will be back to take care of us... I just know it.”

“Thank you JJ. It means the world to me, yo- you guys mean the world to me.”

“I know. Let’s go say see ya later to the Pogue. What do you think?”

You smiled and pushed your hair behind your ear as you nodded your head. The two of you walked down across the yard to the dock and when you reached the Pogue JJ climbed in and extended his hand to you.

You jumped into the boat and sighed. “See you later old girl. I’ll miss you!” You bent down and kissed the cold metal of the boat.

JJ was sitting on the port side of the boat, his arms crossed over his chest smiling at you. Taking in every ounce of these last few moments with you. Admiring the way the moonlight glistened off your long hair wavy hair and illuminated the freckles on your face. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed John B and Pope coming down to meet you guys and stood up. “Hey, y/n I want you to have this.” He scooped up your hands and dropped something into your hand. It was something you had seen many times. A handmade bracelet, three beads of sea glass were strung together and woven into this leather bracelet. JJ made this when you guys were eight and declared it his lucky bracelet and he hasn’t taken it off since.

“I can’t take this JJ. I mean it’s your good luck charm.”

“Yes you can and will take it. You’ll need the luck up in Rhode Island more than I will here. Besides I’ve got these losers to bring me luck.” He motioned to John B and Pope who had just reached the Pogue. You smiled up at your best friends as they clambered into the boat and joined you two.

“So what did we miss?” John B asked.

“Just sayin my farewell to the Pogue.” You responded.

“Ahhh. It won’t be the same without you here y/n.” Pope said as he stepped in to hug you.

“Awwe Pope. I know... nothing is going to be the same. It sucks.” You pulled away from him.”I’m going to miss you guys so much, you have no idea.”

“Oh believe me we have an idea. And how am I supposed to stay agile without things flying at my head from time to time.”

You chuckled at the look on John B’s face. His nose scrunched and smile spread wide. You’d seen that same smile a million times and quite frankly you don’t understand how you could have taken it for granted. Only just realizing how much you had taken for granted, you stood there saying goodbye to this boy who is essentially your brother. “I’m sure I can get these two to chuck a few things your way from time to time.” You chuckled. “I’m going to miss you Bookie. You’re like my brother. I’ve literally never lived without you by my side annoying the hell out of me 24/7. Without that I’ll always feel like I’ve lost my keys.” He knew what you meant by that. He knew that was your way of saying goodbye without saying it. He knew the words were too painful to say out right.

You and John B exchanged a look that said everything you needed it too as your mom called from the distance “y/n! It’s time to go, we’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

“Okay coming, give us two minutes.” You yelled back towards the Chateau.

“I love you guys more than any of you will ever know. It literally kills me to leave you g-guys.” You began to cry as the boys reached in for a hug.

“We love you too Bug.” Pope said as you all pulled away from the group hug. “And as we’ve been saying all day, you’ll find your way back here and then you can come home to us and live your best Pogue life again.” With that you all started to make your way out of the Pogue. But JJ grabbed your hand before you could climb out. He put his hands on your shoulders looked into your eyes and pulled you in for a hug. This hug was very different than any one he’s ever given you before, it was like he was trying to tell you something. He pulled you in so close and so tight that you could feel your heartbeat sync up with his. You wrapped your arms around his waist and held him for what felt like an eternity.

@tangledinsparkles

[kainumbernine009]

I literally cannot do anything else until I get this out.

I’m... really not okay.

And when I say that, I’m not mentally unstable. I say that because I’m tired of waiting on empty promises, I’m tired of never having money in our account, I’m tired of living in a fucking city where half of the white people fucking worship the ground Trump walks on, and where most of the gay community has so much messy drama that it’s worse than middle school. And I went to a rough middle school.

I never talk about my past, because I don’t like to. It sucked. HARD. Being and only child in my family was nothing less than torture, especially as a closeted queer person. We grew up in the white Christian part of Nashville that dominated Music Row in the 90′s and early 2000′s. I played basketball with Alan Jackson’s daughter, and being around famous people was just no big deal. But, my parents decided to leave Nashville after my dad lost his job at TPAC, and we moved down south an hour to the town where the KKK got started (Pulaski, TN).

I had maybe two non-white people in my private Christian school growing up. I was never afraid of Black people, but my parents showed their racist asses quick when we moved there. The KKK has never left America, guys, no matter how many articles you read or studies you do. From 2005 to 2009 I saw a white town show its very worst to the Black community. I’ll never forget the first time I saw a march for “White Christians for Purity” the summer before Obama got elected. The disgust I felt inside was palpable. I had all kinds of friends in school, and I didn’t give TWO SHITS who they were or what they looked like... but I saw children my age, being brainwashed by their parents, that “white” is “right.”

Ever since then, I have been learning and growing about the issues of race. I remember my white classmates using the N word and getting away with it. I remember hearing about the principal at the high school punishing all the Black kids but not the white kids. I remember being invited to a church south of town that was a historically Black church, and how nice the ladies were to me for coming.

But I’ll never forget the racism that the religious groups promoted there, especially First Baptist Church and the 12 Tribes. I’ll never forget how FBC told me that my friend was going to Hell because she killed herself. I’ll never forget my mom telling me not to marry a Black man because of “impure genes.” I WILL NEVER FORGET THE INJUSTICES I SAW WHITE PEOPLE DOING TO BLACK PEOPLE THERE. NEVER.

And thank God, I have shaken the burden of religious guilt, but I still fight against this mentality. I live in a place that’s usually not even 10 minutes away from Trump-humping, sister-fucking, meth-addicted Confederate cunts in any direction. And we’re even closer to the rich white people who silently supported him, upset that their taxes would go up because of Biden.

And in the past four years since Trump got elected, I’ve gotten married, graduated college with honors, started my own photography business, and was making more than my husband there for a minute. I did my own taxes, marketing, editing, and everything. And then I came out as trans.

I lost everything.

I lost my studio. I lost friends. I had rumors started about me. I had people post hate messages on my wall. I had people at my drag shows tell others not to tip me, for whatever fucking reasons. I’ve had bosses give cis people jobs over me, and I’ve had government workers give me second looks when I hand them my license.

It. Fucking. Sucks. To. Live. Here. Like. This.

Oh yeah, did I mention I’m also a witch/medium? I’ve talked to dead people before and have told their relatives things I shouldn’t have known otherwise about their grandparents. Like, this information doesn’t even exist on Google. And I’m attuned to reiki. I’m always aware of what’s happening on at least SOME metaphysical level. This is a gift that I’ve had to go through life developing and learning about myself, with no one’s help but me.

I didn’t even know until I was an adult that I have autism and ADHD.

I’ve taken bullets from people who were about to kill themselves. I’ve yelled at 5th grade music classrooms for doing racist dance moves and appropriating Native Americans (I have a degree in Music Education K-12). I’ve consoled kids in classrooms who suddenly have panic attacks. AND I’ve told horny teenagers to stay in their fucking lane and respect the girls around them. I’ve apparently been an inspiration to those around me, but inspiration NOR exposure pays the bills. I’ve already had COVID, and so has my husband, but I knew that after graduating college that I would never have a fulfilling life being a music teacher in Tennessee’s public schools.

And now that we have COVID, and an orange, small-dicked, pedophilic, rape apologizing, dirty, crusty white president who STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE, who is DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HAVING HIS FOLLOWERS SEND DEATH THREATS TO MY FAMILY, I really don’t know what the fuck else to do other than go burn down all the houses I know of in North Georgia that belong to these Christian sex cult pedophiles and call it a day. My girlfriend unfortunately was born into one of those families, and I know just how bad it can get. In fact, her dad’s lawyer threatened me with blackmail earlier in November, so that was fun!

And now, on December 11, 2020, I’m still sitting here in the same fucking house, doing the same fucking things I’ve been doing all year - trying to get a job and failing horribly. I’M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS COVID BULLSHIT AND OUR INCOMPOTENT CUNT OF A PRESIDENT! And there’s only ever one other person I’ve ever called a cunt... my own mother.

I’ve lived in many places. I’ve met many different people. I’ve made mistakes, and have grown, but there’s one thing for damn sure that I always make sure to do, every single fucking day.

I ALWAYS try to do better.

In addition to this, I treat everyone with the same amount of respect, unless they have done something directly to me to negate that. If I know that someone believes in something that directly harms me or my family, I don’t even associate with them. I don’t spend my energy on things that don’t need it. And everyone else should, too.

The problem with some of y’all is that you care about the wrong things. Like will Becky text me back or did I get front row seats to that concert, or did I slave my life away to capitalism just so that I can own a Mercedes and have my friends jealous. I’ve had way too many dear death experiences to know that EVERY single fucking day is a gift. EVERY day.

I don’t want to be remembered first for the art I create. I want to be remembered for my character. I want to be remembered as the courageous person who never backed down in the face of adversity. But when you live in a place that already hates you and that is against you, that’s really fucking hard. Trust me. My marriage went from a cis straight passing couple to a white gay passing couple. I’ve seen how people’s attitudes changed around me as I transitioned. I know what it feels like to slowly lose a piece of your privilege you were born with.

So yeah, I kinda get a little fucking upset when I see people saying All Lives Matter, or when I see doctors refusing to treat trans patients in pandemics, or when I see cops YET AGAIN harassing Black people only a few blocks away from my house for no other reason than racism. And at this point, anyone who thinks they know me but only knows what people think they know about me can suck my entire ass and eat ten dicks. I don’t give a FUCK about who you are or what you’ve done. If you treat me or other people with no respect for no reason other than to be an asshole, you’re just plain shit. If you SERIOUSLY believe every little rumor and lie that someone tells about me before meeting me, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on.

What I can’t stand is people doing or saying things just to get a rise out of me or others. I thought we left petty shit in high school. Some of the people that “know” me really need to fucking grow up and grow a pair and either say what they want to my face, or stay mad. I’m tired of playing fucking petty games with y’all. We have a whole ass pandemic to solve.

So here’s the ultimatum... if you agree that Black Lives Matter and that queer people deserve basic human rights, EVEN THE ONES YOU HATE, then that’s the bare minimum to even be a decent person. If you can’t even do those things, then I don’t fucking know what else to say to you.

So NBC, maybe not have John Mulaney joke about my license debacle with my gold van on SNL, and Seth Meyers... maybe HIRE ME INSTEAD of Mulaney because clearly y’all don’t know about the south as much as I do? Oh, and that gazeebo joke with Lee University... I caught that. I may have autism, but I’m not a fucking idiot. I mean. I’m funny when I’m given the chance. And yeah, I’m on a watchlist, but who the fuck isn’t these days? At least all my secrets are out for the world to see, and I have a bangin’ tattoo.

I’m tired of everyone being like “omg, I’ve seen what he can do, it’s fantastic!” or “omg you’re so funny haha” and bragging on me and then NOT FUCKING HIRING ME. I’m TIRED of waiting on something that’s clearly at this point never coming.

I don’t even have testicles, and my balls are bigger than most of the cis men I have EVER met.

So, if you want to help me, or hire me, or get me out to an audition... I’ll be there. But until then, I’m so fucking MAD at some of these producers. Yeah, my mom is a cunt, but she worked in various forms of digital production from the 1980′s until she retired this year. She taught me SO MUCH about directing, writing, shooting, and more. I know how these things are supposed to run behind the scenes. I know what the fuck I’m doing, and I don’t take constructive criticism like a bitch. I actually WANT to be criticized, so I can do even better.

So PLEASE, for the love of Christ... y’all need to get your priorities together AND PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME OUT OF THE LOOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT. Grow a fucking pair and either call me, email me, or leave me alone. It’s really not that fucking hard. Looking at you, Lorne Michaels.

Oh and someone tell my husband what the fuck’s been going on because I’m tired of him gaslighting me about it.

[hardforbenhardy]

love at first sight | rogerxfem!reader

summary: roger regrets offering to help out his band mate after waking up with a hangover. though it all washes away when he meets a woman who he thinks may just be the woman of his dreams (i’m awful at summaries i’m so sorry)

warnings: none really, mentions death like the tiniest bit but tbh it's just fluffy

word count: 3.3k

this was one of the first fanfics i ever wrote, and i don’t know it got to this but i’m posting them! i’m always a little nervous to post because i’m afraid people will never read them but oh well, i enjoy writing and i’m kinda proud of them soooo here we go :) i hope you enjoy it

rogers outfit inspiration ^

Rogers POV

Of all the favours I have ever done for John, hauling his children to and from school for the next week may be my least favourite so far. Veronica just having given birth to Laura, and having to look after Michael at the same time all by herself because John had gone on a stag-do holiday (which I, the life of the party, still don't understand why I wasn't invited); I gracefully offered to take Robert, who was now 4 years old, to nursery and pick him up. Robert had said it many times before that I was the best uncle he had, which of course I knew was true; and I can't deny that Robert was my favourite nephew. He listens to me much more than Jimmy or Michael, meaning it is very easy to sway him into becoming the coolest little kid, just after his Uncle Roger. Though, I swear Brian has hardwired his child to be the most boring human ever; all he does is read books and act polite.

Of course, Monday came around quicker than I realised, meaning I had 30 minutes to make myself at least a little bit presentable, for any hot single mums I may run into in the playground of course, before picking Robert from his house. It didn't help at all that I had a tumultuous pounding residing in the back of my head after a night out with Freddie and Brian the night before, and I had woken up to find I wasn't alone in my bed; which was truly expected of myself. The woman, who laid spread across the bed, was snoring lightly as her bare chest rose up and down with every nimble breath she took. I gazed at her up and down, taking in the sight of her flowing blonde hair which was pressed against the material of my silken pillows. Not a bad pull, Rog. Knowing I had to leave in what was now 25 minutes, I grabbed my notebook and pen which I always kept in my bedside table, and quickly scribble a note.

Good shag - call me ;)

Keys under the mat; lock the door behind you babe

I was a little wary to leave this complete stranger in my house and trust her to not steal anything and lock the door behind herself, but I wasn't about to let John and V down because I had a good shag; even though I wanted oh so desperately to maybe go for another round. I paced over to my closet, searching and scanning through the racks and racks of clothes, finally settling on a black and pink striped blazer that I threw on a black shirt and some blue pants. I looked amazing. Ruffling my hands through my hair, I ensured it looked as perfect as it usually did, before rushing down the stairs to save Veronica from the little terror that is Robert.

By the time I had made it to their front door, I could already hear the cries of little Laura and Michael, the shouting of Veronica and the tune of Robert playing his violin. I knocked on the door, in which it immediately swung open revealing the woman who literally looked like she had just given birth again.

“Sorry I took so long V, woke up with a bit of a hangover" – Of course, I was under exaggerating, I could still feel the migraine in the back of my head, and the scratchy sound of the strings on that shitty little violin was not helping.

"Rog, thank you so much for offering to take him – I don't know how I would have coped with all three of them in one morning." She smiled brightly, despite her dishevelled appearance. She moved to the side slightly, allowing me to walk through the door, though I didn't bother removing my shoes as I now knew I had only 10 minutes to drive Robert down the road. She was holding Laura in her arms, rocking her gently back and forth as she attempted to calm her from whatever trouble she was in; Laura was much feistier than the first two, constantly being awake and always crying about something, and it displayed well in Veronica's appearance. "Michael, would you please stop crying! I'll come and change you in a minute!"

"I'd learn to cope – Deacy's been talking of having another!" I chuckled, seeing V roll her eyes and scoff at even the suggestion of having more than 3 children. In her eyes, why would anyone have more than 3? She would never go beyond it. "Fucks sake, of course he is. Robbie, Uncle Rog is waiting – will you please put that blimming thing down and put your shoes on!"

"Robert, come show me your violin – maybe we can start own band!" I shout through, grabbing Robert's attention immediately as he pulls his shoes on extremely quickly and races towards me, wrapping his arms around my tightly as I squat down to his level.

"Unca Wog, you'wl never guess what happened wast night – I was watching TV with mumma, and we had popcorn and bwankets and evewything, and she said I can get my own dwum kit so I can wearn drums just wike you Unca Wog! She said I have to pwove I can wearn how to pway the viowin first (because she thinks I'wl get bored of it but mummy is vewy siwwy to think that!)" Robert exclaimed, whispering the last bit into my ear before giggling slightly, before picking up his backpack and shoving it into my arms. My heart melted a little at the way he was unable to say his l’s so he replaced them all with w’s. I chuckled lightly, ruffling my fingers through his curly, brown hair – which he claimed to be growing out just like his father because, and I quote, 'Daddy has the coolest hair in the world!' – "That sounds absolutely amazing Robbie, we have a mini Roger in our midst!"

"You are still okay to pick him up?" V smiled, now holding Laura over her shoulder and handing over Robert's surprisingly heavy violin case. "Of course – 2 o'clock?"

"Yep, and Robert will show you where to pick him up from. Just let Miss Y/L/N know you'll be picking him up as well for the rest of the week, just so the school knows."

"Miss Y/L/N?" I questioned, the name having such beauty and elegance to it. I thought I may be recognised the name from somewhere, but I couldn't put name to face until I had properly met her for the first time. "Yeah – she's Robert's teacher and supervisor. Oh and Rog, try not to flirt with her"

I nodded my head slightly, taking in her words; does that mean she's good-looking? And now she's 'off bounds'? I drove Robert down to the school, it not being too far away – thankfully, considering we were running slightly late. Robert dragged me over to the classroom door, where I looked through the window to see around 30 young children running around screaming and laughing. How anyone could do this job I had no idea, I could barely handle Robert alone, as much as I loved him. I opened the door, the noise and energy still remaining despite the interruption. I looked to Robert, who hung his bags on the coat rack before joining a group of boys who looked familiar; one had scruffy, blonde hair (although he totally rocked it), one had untamed, curly brown hair, and the other was a young Tanzanian lad who seemed extremely flamboyant and a character in his own right. Then my eyes were drawn directly to who seemed to be the only adult in the room. She was squatting down beside a young girl, plaiting her delicate blonde hair carefully, ensuring she didn't pull too hard and hurt the small girl. The girl was giggling lightly, eyes flicking between the woman and Robert, while the woman wrapping the hair band around the tail of the plait one last time, before rising. She ushered the girl towards the group of boys, who were air playing all kinds of instruments, making up their own tunes and singing. Though my eyes remained solely on the woman now heading towards me, who I could only describe as the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Her long Y/H/C locks were flowing down her back as her brow-grazing fringe shaped her face perfectly; especially since they emphasised her mesmerizing gold-flecked eyes, the type you could stare into for hours on end and never get bored. She had the most gorgeous beam of a smile, which made my stomach drop at the sight. Clothed in a floral yellow summer dress, it perfectly sculpted her curvy body, showing what I would consider too much skin for a nursery teacher – but then again, I certainly wasn't complaining. I was snapped out my trance when she finally reached me, holding out her hand – "You must be the famous Uncle Roger?"

"That's me" I breathily chuckled, rubbing my hand on the nape of my neck, using my other one to shake the woman's hand. I never struggled to speak to women, it was a natural skill of mine and everyone knew it; yet here I was, barely able to look in her direction without feeling overwhelmed. She smiled brightly again, which sent shivers down my spine and butterflies to my stomach. "And you must be the famous Miss Y/L/N"

"Famous, eh? Call me by Y/N – much less formal" She laughed, taking her hand out of mine and tucking them in the pockets of her dress. The dress in which I was desperately trying to pry my eyes away from. "I assume you'll be collecting Robert after school as well?"

"Oh, yeah – for the rest of the week. V said she mentioned it?"

"Oh my, of course! How could I forget – John's away on some stag do right? Well, I'll be looking forward to seeing you again this afternoon, but I should get back to the kids before they end up setting a fire or something!" She giggled, smiling at me before wandering back into the mass of small children, who immediately crowded round at her feet as she sat cross-legged on the plush carpet. I watched them carefully, seeing how she so easily interacted with the children and kept their undivided attention while Robert retold the story he had told me earlier. The children's laughter suffused the room, one child setting off the next like a chain of dominoes. I noticed Robert was sitting next to the small blonde girl, cuddling quite close and his cheeks blushing when she complimented his brightly patterned button-up shirt; a shirt in which he had begged V to buy for him after seeing the same one in my closet.

When the time came around to pick Robert up, a wave of excitement washed over me as I realised I would get the chance to see Y/N again and maybe ask her out. When I arrived, all the other parents had picked up their child already and left, leaving just Robert and the little girl Y/N was plaiting the hair of earlier; though, I was 5 minutes late. I jogged over; worried I was keeping Y/N behind for longer than needed, scooping Robert into my arms as he hugged me tightly. "Hey Unca Wog!"

"Hey Robert – how was school?" I asked, smiling brightly at his adorable antics to immediately come over and hug me. He squealed loudly, a grin spreading across his face as his brain racked to decide what he should tell me about first – "Wewl, Miss Y/L/N told us a stowy, and we did some painting, a-and I wearnt to count awl the way to 20 – I don't even have that many fingers, I had to use my toes!"

“That's amazing! You may have to teach me, I don't think I can get past 10 yet!" I chuckled, seeing Robert cover his mouth in shock and giggle at the idea he knew something I didn't. He zipped open his Flintstones backpack and pulled out a large piece of card, which was when I noticed the remnants of paint that had stained his hands a bit matching the image on the card.

"Miss told us to paint our hewoes – so I painted daddy and the band! Look there is your messy hair, and that's your dwum kit, and that's all the giwrls daddy says you go on pwaydates with!" Robert exclaimed, pointing out each aspect of the painting that I could only describe as... abstract. I grinned at Roberts painting, realising just how much impact we, as a band, had on younger children. Though my eyes widened at the innocence of his last point, feeling slightly embarrassed considering a beautiful woman was standing just behind us. "Oh, and this is Wosanna! She's my best fwiend!"

Robert turned and pointed at the young girl, who was anxiously hiding behind Y/Ns legs, peeking her head around them and letting a shy smile grow on her face. "It's very nice to meet you Rosanna; I'm Roger – Robert's uncle" I politely grinned, holding my hand out to shake hers and hoping not to frighten her away. She bashfully accepted the offer, her petite hand wrapping around two of my fingers and shaking lightly, her cheeks blushing from sheepishness and giggling lowly at the attention.

"Come on Wosanna; wet’s go play on the swings! Uncle Woger, please can we stay a wittle wonger?" Robert begged, pouting his lips and batting his eyelashes in an attempt to sway me, though I just laughed. Rising back onto my feet, I nodded towards Robert, seeing him shoot off over to the swing set with Rosanna hot on his heels, making me laugh breathily at his urgency.

"I believe we have a budding romance in the works" A soft voice behind me bubbled, making me jump slightly, having forgotten Y/N was stood behind me. "Rosanna told me she has a secret crush on Robert, and I promised not to tell anyone but it's just too adorable not to share. I have a feeling that Robert might like her back, but that's for you to find out"

"It is very adorable, I must agree." I chuckled, going to stand next to Y/N and placing my hands into my blazer pockets.

"Have you any of your own?" She asked, nodding over to the two toddlers who were racing after each other around the playground, turning to face me with a gorgeous grin plastered from cheek to cheek on her face.

“No not yet, I guess I haven't found the right woman to settle down with yet, you know." I explained, feeling slightly defeated with the knowledge I had met the right woman, but it had only been a day of knowing her and it seemed a little forward to already ask her to practically marry me; no matter how much I wanted to. "What about you?"

"That little one is mine" she conceded, gently pointing to the blonde girl playing with Robert. My eyes widened at her admittance, not expecting her to have children when she seemed so young.

"Oh really? You look quite young to be the mother of a child that age" I exclaimed, hearing Y/N giggle beside me. "Well, I did have her at quite a young age, I'll admit, but I think we had her at the right time. I'm so lucky to have her"

"We?"

"Me and my husband" She expanded, and I felt my heart drop. She's married. "Well, my then husband." I furrowed my brows, looking at her with a face of confusion as I tried to decipher what she exactly meant - she was divorced? "He passed away a few months before I gave birth to Ro, I never got the chance to tell him the news. But Ro and I have moved on, you know. Or at least I thought she had - she asked me the other day if she'll ever get a daddy like all the girls in the class. I had no idea what to say, I mean I'd love to find someone new, Ben has been gone for years now. But I'm just afraid of finding someone and then having the exact same thing happen. I couldn't bare to go through losing the one person you love most in the world for a second time. And I don't want Ro getting her hopes up in finally getting a father. God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to start being all sentimental like this, it's just nice to have someone to talk to about it y'know"

"I'm so sorry, no one should have to go through that" I comforted, turning to see a tear or two rolling down her smooth cheeks which she quickly swiped away with the sleeve of her baggy teal sweater she had pulled on over the top of her dress as the day went by. I pulled her in for a consoling hug, rubbing my hand up and down her back to soothe her. She shortly pulled away, not too much further though as I felt head rest on my shoulder. "Rog?"

"Yeah?"

"I know this might seem a bit weird, considering I've only known you for a day, but I was wondering if maybe you'd like you go out for a drink tonight? It's just, like I said, I've wanted to get back on the dating scene for a while and you seem like a genuinely sweet guy and I was just hoping to get to know you a little better, plus Ro seems to really like you, I know she may have seemed nervous but she only does that when she really likes someone and she's afraid they won't like her back, a little like me I guess right now except she's usually a lot more quiet whereas I get very chatty, and I tend to talk a lot, which I know can get a little annoying but I guess it's just a force of habit by now and sorry this is probably really weirding you out, forget I even said anything-"

And with that, I planted my lips urgently against Y/N's, a wave of passion and lust washing over me as I realised the one thing I had wanted all along; she liked me too. As our embrace finally met, I felt the whole world around me fall away. It was slow and gentle, soothing in ways that words could never be. And what was even better was that she didn't hesitate, didn't pull away; she deepened the kiss, placing her little hands on the nape of my neck to pull me in closer. I never knew a kiss could so good, so perfect. The kiss was broken by the cheers of the youngsters from the other side of the playground, the sounds of "Go Uncle Woger!" and "Yay mummy!" ringing in our ears as we broke apart, chuckling softly at the animated reactions.

"I'll see you tonight then?" I breathed, staring deep into her enchanting eyes as she gazed back up at me. She beamed widely, nodding and taking out a small notebook from Rosanna's backpack and jotting down her phone number, before scrunching it up and placing it gently in my hand.

I had heard the saying a million times before. John always said it about Veronica. Brian about Chrissie. And I always thought it was complete and utter bullshit. There was no such thing. But I was proven wrong. I guess it truly is love at first sight.

[virtualreylo]

My review of TROS:

As some of you may know, I went to see TROS on the premier night, and I wanted to give myself a full week to think everything through to see what stil stood out to me. See-the-fuck-below:

I want to first say that TROS was honestly better than I thought it would be, however, IT WAS SO RUSHED.

I felt like we the audience had zero time to actually react to what was happening because this movie literally had two, maybe even three, movies crammed into a single one.

Rush Job / Leia:

We weren’t given the opportunity to actually feel as though Chewie had died, or really get to know Dio, or properly grieve Leia-Effing-Organa-Skywalker-Solo.

Like seriously, what the hell was up with that? This woman had given so much to the Star Wars universe, and the characters along for the ride couldn’t even have a minute to respond and process.

It was always just so “Onto the next thing!”, and I hated it.

Poe/Finn/Rose:

I did like that we were able to kind of get a glimpse of Poe’s background a little more, but when he was given the title of ‘General’, I WISHED they would have also given him just an extra five seconds to process and acknowledge this! That was a huge step for every one around him, and for Leia to do, and it was just glossed over.

With Finn, I hated how he interacted with Rose. Those few seconds reminded me of how we deal with an annoying little cousin. Those two characters literally spent an entire movie together, at least show they’re more than strangers.

I do like how it’s more obvious that he’s force sensitive, but I HATE that JJ made it seem as if he was trying to tell Rey that he had feelings for her or some shit. I mean, if you were paying close enough attention, Finn was telling everyone else around him about it, so it made sense that that was what he was also trying to tell Rey (John Boyega has also confirmed via Instagram that Finn was not trying to tell Rey he loved her). It just could’ve been handled differently, and I don’t think Finn’s story had to be based around Rey, of course, until he met Jannah...

Rose - My, my, my. It was such a shame to see her character pushed to the sidelines in such a harsh way. I understand she may not have needed to be such a big character in TROS, however TLJ made me feel like she was part of the gang.

If JJ wanted to exercise his creativity, he could have included her and formed it in a way where it wasn’t so in your face. Instead, after alllll the backlash and harassment Kelly had dealt with, her character was pretty much trashed, and at a time when female friendship was needed in the Star Wars films.

C3PO/Chewie:

I actually loved C3PO’s humor in this one - But part of me did feel a little betrayed about how easy it was for the gang to decide to just destroy his mind (Its rediculous when you think about it lmao). I am not saying it didn’t make sense, I just wish they would have taken only an extra 5 seconds to be like “Mmm... Are we sure?” - But no, it was always “On to the next thing!”

Chewie - Yall already know that I wanted a bigger reaction to the almost-death. Again, literally 5 seconds more could have made the difference.

In addition, it would have been amazing to see Chewie and Ben interact...

Lando:

Okay.

What the actual fuck?

I seriously felt as though I blinked and Lando just popped up with no acknowledgment.

AGAIN.

I was soooo frustrated, because Lando was a big character that I think a lot of people were looking forward to seeing, and the only one excited to be there, was Lando himself.

Everyone just kinda had the reaction of: “Oh, hey.” on screen. WTF!!!

Hux:

The spy, eh? Full on caps-lock-pissy-mode activated.

HOW FUCKING RANDOM AND THROWN IN WAS THAT?! WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING IN TFA AND TLJ? WHERE WAS THE HELP THEN?? WHY DID HE ALL OF A SUDDEN CARE NOW?!

ALSO, SMALL FUCKING REMINDER, HE STILL WASN’T ON THE RESISTANCE’S SIDE!!!

HE HELPED THEM ONLY TO TAKE KYLO REN DOWN, HE SAID HE DIDN’T GIVE A DAMN WHO WON.

Sorry. The end.

Also, he looked hot af in this movie.

Rey:

Now, let’s get into the heavy.

I, again, hated how rushed this movie was, and that included how they dealt with Rey’s character and growth.

Only one year had passed, you’re telling me she learned all of these powers and moves by Leia? Let’s say that was the case, JUST SHOW US HOW. Even a 10 second clip of just their various training methods or sessions! Anything.

Don’t get me wrong: I know Rey is a Palpatine (Rolling my mf eyes) - so she would obviously be very powerful. But the last we saw of Rey, she was lost and struggling how to move on.

Her saber was broken, she had the Jedi textbooks, and she was lost.

What happened??

Along side this, I was extremely disappointed to find out that she was indeed a Palpatine. I had my theories when TFA came out, but I, along with so many others, loved the fact that she didn’t have to be part of any big name in order to be a strong, self sufficient lead, and I think Rian Johnson did a great job at letting us know and feel that during the mirror/cave scene in TLJ.

Rey’s overall attitude this movie really left a sour taste in my mouth. I get that she was hurt, and angry, and panicking... But, she acted like an ass quite honestly.

But, to me, it kind of played into the dark side of herself, though I wished that was explained a bit more for people that don’t really get into Star Wars as much as we do.

With that said: I wished Rey was still a nobody from Jakku, and that she kept a little bit of her curious/sweet side. And I wished her growth was shown a bit more - Not in just the powers she used against Kylo Ren.

Ben Solo / Kylo Ren:

Can we seriously just take a minute to thank Adam Driver? This isn’t me being up his ass. As an aspiring director, his acting was amazing in this movie, and I feel he really out did himself.

With that said: I, again, hate how everyone’s characters and growth were glossed over in TROS, as if TLJ never happened and it’s really so childish and disheartening. If Abrams wanted to literally skip TLJ, he should have manned up and taken on TLJ himself.

I feel like Kylo Ren was back in his TFA ways; Demanding, with a little charm now. I liked it, but I would have liked it a little more if he actually talked to Rey like a normal human being like he did in TLJ.

(But, Kylo Ren with an attiude? FuCk YeS pLeAsE.)

Ben Solo: Can we all just marry you now? That fucking switch was everything, his ‘Ow’ was everything, his lightsaber throw-age was everything, his interaction with Han was life, and kicking ass and forgetting names was the best fucking time.

I wished he had more lines in the end, literally, how does he barely have any lines as BEN SOLO!!!!

But jesus, the way he literally crawled out of the dark to save Rey was everything.

And that kiss? I could stare at it for hours.

Amazing acting with these characters, brav-fucking-o.

The end (+THAT “death”):

Ben Solo is not dead.

That is not denial.

I think that is the “hope” that JJ kept referring to. There are so many big points that show he isn’t, and I think down the line, we will get another movie with his comeback.

With the end, I hated how Rey didn’t seem to react to his death either, but I think it leads to something bigger: She feels him out there somewhere, in the in-between.

I do not like how she adopted the Skywalker name... I wished she stuck with the “Just Rey.” shit. I lived for that.It’s great, she has some sense of belonging, if that’s what you want to call it... But again, it was thrown together and it isn’t real.

The ending itself was left open: Yellow lightsaber, and walking around on Tattooine? I really doubt she stayed there.

Overall:

I hated how rushed it was, and how JJ tried to erase TLJ (Seriously, if you aim to do that shit to a movie, JUST DON’T TAKE THE JOB, YOU SCARED/POSSESSIVE POS!! Let’s say the movie was split up in two, with the same outcome, but at least TLJ still existed in his world - I would be 100% okay with that!

But, that’s not how it was handled, and we the fandom, were provided a “close” to a saga that we rode with for many, many years just to have it all thrown down the drain without a second thought.

 I do believe a LOT of last minute decisions were made, especially with editing. But I sincerely hope that we get a glimpse into the shit that was left out, at least on the DVD extras, or an extended version of the movie (GOD, PLEASE).

When all is said and done:

- Ben Solo will come back.

- Rey’s story will continue.

- Hopefully we have a director that actually cares about the characters and story.

- I am looking forward to the novelization, the Kylo Ren comics, those DVD extras, and once the dust settles I really want to see what JJ and the cast have to say for this shit.

[liskantope]

Some not-so-brief reactions to major Disney films 1968-1988

A little while ago I wrote another collection of quick commentaries on major Disney films (which I’m watching one by one through Disney+) from their inception with Snow White in 1937 to The Jungle Book in 1967. I was planning to round off my next collection at another 30-year mark, but the little mini-reviews I’ve been writing are beginning to look so long-winded in aggregate that tonight I decided maybe I should stop at this point. Also, last time, without fully being aware of it, I stopped at the end of what is considered Disney’s Silver Age (coming after Disney’s Golden Age, also included in the last set of commentaries), and apparently 1968 to 1988 is considered Disney’s (Bronze and/or) Dark Age (the Disney Renaissance kicking off with The Little Mermaid in 1989), so there’s another reason it makes sense to cut it off here.

I’ll keep watching the major Disney features, one a day, through the 90′s works, but whether I’ll find time to keep writing about my impressions of each film I watch, I can’t guarantee anything.

The Aristocats, 1970

This is a beloved favorite of mine. I got the video in later childhood, having previously admired the main number “Everybody Wants To Be a Cat�� (still the highlight of the movie, from my adult point of view) and having read the story in a Disney book. After seeing it many times in childhood, I rewatched it only a few years ago when it showed up on Netflix. Around that time (or maybe just afterwards), I noticed that my favorite cartoon/Disney reviewer YouTuber Phantom Strider occasionally mentions that he dislikes The Aristocats -- he doesn’t put it on his top 10 worst Disney movie list or anything, but he’s made some disparaging remarks without going into detail. Watching it once again this month on Disney+, my verdict is that, yeah, it’s subpar in quite a few ways, but my more critical adult sensibilities will never override the fond feelings I have for this movie.

Since this is the next movie on the list after The Jungle Book, I couldn’t help constantly comparing the two, and I did see some parallels. In both cases, the story is pretty weak: this time, a family of cats gets kidnapped and stranded far from home by the greedy butler villain and have to pass through several adventures to get back to their owner. In both cases, the plot is a very linear one involving small adventures and minor characters having little bearing on the overall arc (this is perhaps slightly less the case with The Aristocats, where the new acquaintance Thomas O’Malley stays with them the whole time, and at least Scat Cat’s gang makes a return at the end -- minus the unfortunate and entirely unnecessary character of the Chinese cat -- to fight for the protagonists). In both cases, the voice acting is great and includes Phil Harris and Sterling Holloway. In both cases, the villain’s motives are rather flimsily stated -- the butler villain is more comical and slightly more rounded out, and the fact that his motive doesn’t make a lot of sense is perhaps meant to be part of the comedy. The Aristocats has far more filler material, including a useless but somewhat amusing and ultra-cartoonish sideplot about our butler villain losing his hat and umbrella and having to return to the countryside to get them (it’s more amusing than it sounds, trust me).

The Aristocats is simply weaker in almost every way than The Jungle Book. Although I like all the music, including “Scales and Arpeggios” which I only just learned was written by the Sherman Brothers and I appreciated a lot as a kid who practiced the piano every day, the only truly memorable song was “Everybody Wants To Be a Cat” (not written by the Sherman Brothers), whereas in The Jungle Book there are multiple numbers of that caliber written by the Sherman Brothers at nearly the top of their form. This film can also be compared to One Hundred and One Dalmatians and again comes out looking worse -- Dalmations sort of perfected the whole “animals coordinating a rescue” type plot, and The Aristocats only seems to make a feeble attempt at it.

One interesting thing about the pacing of the film that as an adult I’m a bit taken aback by is how quickly the ending of the movie runs. I was shocked when I rewatched this for the first time as an adult on Netflix, got to the ending of “Everybody Wants To Be a Cat”, and saw that there were only 15 minutes of running time left: that includes the late-night discussion between the romantic leads, the arrival at their home, Edgar re-kidnapping them, Roquefort going for help and nearly getting himself killed by Scat Cat’s gang, the whole action sequence of the actual rescue, a final scene with Madame welcoming O’Malley and rewriting the will, and the final song. We don’t even get to see Madame’s reaction at seeing her beloved cats alive and well, which is one of the ways this movie compares unfavorably with Dalmatians. There is some real artistry in The Aristocats, but the amount of effort put in is clearly not up to the standard of Disney’s finest.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks, 1971

I mainly knew this movie through the song “Beautiful Briny Sea” growing up. Eventually I did watch the film one time; I also read the book it was based on (I can’t remember which came first). I remembered very little outside of that one song, the fact that the characters travel in a bed, and David Tomlinson (who I knew well as Mr. Banks) being in it as an jarringly un-Banks-like character. I had entirely forgotten the fact that the story takes place during World War II and that this is crucial to the plot. I knew this as the Disney movie that tried to be Mary Poppins and failed to be anywhere near as exciting or resonant. However, I was still very curious to rediscover, two decades later, what the movie was really all about.

The story is really quite good on a level that appeals to grownups as well as children -- not as deeply as Mary Poppins, mind you, but distinctive and captivating. (I think this has something to do with the story being as much to do with the adult characters as with the children.) The acting is also solid. It only increased my respect for David Tomlinson’s versatility as an actor, in fact, and it was fun to see the likeness of the dignified and proper George Banks display so much awkward vulnerability and eventually get himself into so many slapstick situations. Unfortunately, the only memorable song is “Beautiful Briny Sea” -- I mean that quite literally, as sitting down to write this a couple of weeks after watching, I’m finding it hard to remember much about any of the other songs.

Also unfortunately, the song “Beautiful Briny Sea” is sort of a beacon in a murky area as, halfway through the film when we switch to the animated portion, the movie suddenly gets... quite bad. The live-animation hybrid is consistently done to weak effect, first of all. For some reason, only Mary Poppins made this effect believable, ahead of its time. Secondly, I understand that we have to suspend our disbelief to enjoy a children’s fantasy film, but having the group plunged into water without themselves or their book appearing wet or having any issue breathing is pushing this a bit far. Thirdly, the writing gets rather silly. As soon as they come across an animated codfish who welcomes them to the area, the oldest kid Charles (always the skeptic) says, “Now I’m hearing things! Fish don’t talk.” Nor do fish “walk” along the bottom of the sea with a cane while fully clothed and smoking a cigar, Charlie, so what was your first clue that you’re in a story where things you thought impossible are happening?

The whole crew later gets up onto the animated island of Naboombu, where Mr. Banks Professor Browne is forced to referee a soccer game between teams of anthropomorphic animals as part of his efforts (somehow) to get his hands on the lanyard of the island’s arrogant monarch (who rather resembles Prince John from the next film on this list) which winds up evaporating as soon as they get back to their own world anyway. The ensuing soccer match is by far the most bizarre part of the film, or of any of these films really -- it feels much more like some wacky Saturday morning cartoon than Disney animation. Browne the referee winds up getting (literally) dragged into the game; the live/animation hybrid is done especially poorly here. Once the characters get back to the “real” world, however, the movie becomes good again, with a fantastic climactic conclusion that left me smiling at the overall effect of the film despite its weaknesses.

Robin Hood, 1973

This was a Disney classic that we owned from the time I was fairly small, and that I watched more times than almost any other one, with Alice in Wonderland being the only possible rival I can think of. I went what was probably close to a twenty-year period without seeing it or missing it until a couple of years ago, on a transatlantic flight when it was one of the movie options on the plane. I was taken aback on that rewatching by the fact that... Robin Hood just isn’t that good. When I later saw my parents (I think this was on the way to visiting them), I told them of this revelation, and they told me, “We never thought it was that good either, but you seemed to like it.” I guess I can see some of the appeal to my much younger self, but less easily than I can see the appeal of the some of the other so-so films like The Aristocats -- there is something about Robin Hood that is eye-catching on the superficial level but ultimately shallow. At the same time, I’ll always have to feel a bit sentimental about this one because of the role it played in an early period of my life, introducing me to words like outlaw and in-law and taxes (I vividly remember thinking in early watchings that Taxes was just the name of the unpleasant wolf character), helping to develop my understanding of what poverty looks like, and also introducing me to the concept of political satire (under an anti-free-speech monarchy no less. The scene shown in the video just linked is my favorite scene of the movie, by the way.)

I think my main criticism of Disney’s Robin Hood could be summarized by saying it oversimplifies what could have been a nuanced story, way more than it needs to. This shows most starkly in its clearly-marked division between good characters and evil characters. Naive Good-vs.-Evil plots are very much part of the Disney brand, but I can’t think of any of their other films which takes that aspect to this much of an extreme in developing the characters, so that the entire cast is very openly divided between the white caps and the black caps and (this is the most important part) to the detriment of individuation between the characters. The personalities of all the characters on the Good Side seem pretty much interchangeable throughout the film. Oh sure, Robin Hood has Plucky Hero stamped on him with Designated Sidekick Little John, and Maid Marian has Love Interest stamped on her, and so on. They get into different situations because they all play different roles in the community. But there are no deeper differences between them. Friar Tuck, for instance, is the local religious leader, and you think he might present a more thoughtful, pacifistic, and spiritual point of view to his comrades and enemies. But no, he shouts at the Sheriff and chest-bumps him out of the church and engages him in physical combat just like all the other characters do. All of the people on the Good Side are in complete lockstep throughout, and this makes their part of the story deeply uninteresting.

King Richard is never developed as a character; he is a faraway abstract entity throughout the film, which makes his sudden appearance at the end (which is what really saves Nottingham and finishes the story) very ineffective. (Let’s not get into the fact that he’s described as heroic for going off to participate in the Crusades -- “While bonny good King Richard leads the great crusade he’s on” -- talk about sugarcoating history!) This is part of what I mean about oversimplifying: they could have injected some complexity into the political story beyond “usurper taxes all the money out of the people because of his personal greed until the real king returns and makes everything lovely again”. I strongly believe it is possible to present real issues in a way that is both mature and engaging to children and that it has been done even in other Disney features. Disney didn’t try very hard to do it here.

I’ll give the writers credit in that the three main bad guys, Prince John, Sir Hiss, and the Sheriff of Nottingham, are somewhat individuated, partly I think out of necessity because the Bad Side of any story has to consist of people who quarrel amongst themselves. Prince John is actually well enough developed as an insecure, petulant child with no idea what it means to lead a country that I enjoy watching him even as an adult. The parallels between him and President Trump are unmistakable, and I’m surprised that I haven’t seen more memes about this. Still, by the end of the film, even he was starting to wear on me.

Another aspect of the movie that bypassed my attention as a child but bothers me as an adult is its blatant American-ness in retelling a very old, extremely British story. As in One Hundred and One Dalmatians, all of the accents, except for those of two of the main bad guys, are American. The rooster narrator of the story sounds particularly American and plays folk music throughout of a style that strikes me as the epitome of American.

The way the script and animation deal with bodies and obesity is particularly interesting in this one. Four of the characters I can think of are portrayed as fat, including one of the main bad guys (the Sheriff “Old Bushel-Britches” of Nottingham) but also three of the good guys. Minor quips are made about this by some of the characters, but overall it could arguably be considered a rather positive, good-natured treatment of this issue for its time. It is the source of some physical humor, and some of the body-related physical humor in general slightly raises my eyebrows as an adult -- there is a boob grab, for instance (well, fake boobs as part of a disguise, but still).

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, 1977

I had avoided watching any Disney rendition of Pooh for a long time before watching this one last week. I got to see a lot of Pooh in earlier childhood because of videos given as gifts by other kids’ parents, which my mom (who loves the original books by Milne and hates Disney’s interpretation of them) let me watch only with great reluctance. I soured to the Disney Pooh franchise as I got older and remember in high school getting sick of how many things were decorated with animated Pooh characters, and how few people knew the original books.

Starting to watch this film, I had no idea which of the Pooh stories would be included or whether I would remember seeing them before. As it turned out, I remembered almost none of it: I knew the theme song well and was slightly familiar with the early song about Pooh climbing the honey tree (it must have been on one of the Disney Sing-Along videos) but didn’t remember anything else until vaguely recalling some of the later Tigger stuff (I remembered, before it happened, that Tigger escapes from the tree by sliding down a paragraph of text in the book, one of many instances of extreme fourth-wall-breaking that runs as a theme throughout). As it happens, although The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh seems to go along pretty smoothly given that it makes no pretense of having a unified story arc -- something I give it credit for -- it is actually composed of four short films produced throughout the decade beforehand. This explains why I only remembered the Tigger stuff near the end: we must have had the quarter-length film Winnie the Pooh and Tigger Too at my house for a while, but not the other three. (What I actually watched the most, I think, was a video of TV episodes called “Newfound Friends”, which I’ll look up on Disney+ out of curiosity but probably won’t include in this list.)

I remain anti-Pooh[Disney_version], but this anthology film wasn’t as bad as I had thought it might be. The first story about Pooh and the honey tree was actually pretty good. I am not opposed to Sterling Hollaway’s portrayal of the title character. Eeyore’s voice is way too flat, but otherwise most of the characters are portrayed okay. I distinctly remember reading Rabbit as a female character as a kid, and on hearing his voice again I suppose I can understand why. Tigger is the most offensively adapted: he is one-dimensional in a very obnoxious, not-so-amusing slapstick way. His portrayal would have come off better if they had given him more of a child’s voice, which is more appropriate to the book version of his character anyway. The gopher character is pretty annoying as well; he’s rather useless and unnecessary given that he’s not in the books (he even has a fourth-wall-breaking line about not being in the book). Some of the stories from the book are meshed together in a way that does a disservice to each of them, and the movie might have been better if it had committed to adapting fewer of Milne’s chapters. The story about Pooh getting stuck in Rabbit’s front door is done in a distasteful way, with Rabbit turning the back half of his body into part of the upholstery (an idea that Walt Disney had himself when he first read the book!). The songs weren’t great, and I wish that some of Pooh’s poetry from the books had been adapted to song instead.

Leaving those details aside, this is an earnest attempt at turning Pooh into an animated feature which turned out to be not too terrible given my low expectations.

The Rescuers, 1977

I remember watching this once as a kid and almost nothing sticking with me apart from the fact that the main villain (who I remembered nothing about, not even really the gender) had two pet crocodiles. I watched it a second time on Netflix a few years ago, I think within the same week of watching The Aristocats on Netflix.

I have one word for this Disney animated classic: weak. The story is not all that interesting. Having watched Dalmatians and The Aristocats in the few weeks before hand, coordinated animal rescue plots were starting to wear on me. There is no music except for a few forgettable songs not sung by the characters. Eva Gabor makes Ms. Bianca a beguiling character, but the rest of the characters are completely forgettable. The main male character, Bernard, has the blandest voice ever. Even the little girl being rescued, while sympathetic, is not very unique or interesting. (There is something subtly heavy and haunting about having her teddy bear as her best friend through most of the film, though.) At the time of writing, I’ve already halfway forgotten what the villain’s sidekick was like. There are a bunch of other animals who are fun to watch in animation but don’t stick in my mind, apart from Pat Buttram’s drunken rat character (because it wouldn’t be a Disney film of the 40′s-80′s without some alcoholism in it).

The villain, Medusa, is a particular fail here. She is basically a lame Cruella de Vil 2.0: modern, non-fairy-tale-ish, greedy and materialistic, drives like a lunatic, etc. After watching, I found out that the story writers initially thought of simply bringing Cruella back as the villain in this movie, but decided against the idea of it being in any way a sequel to Dalmatians (remember that at this point no Disney sequel had ever been done -- the 1990 sequel to this film was the very first!). I think they should have gone with that idea: bring back one of the most celebrated Disney villains, rather than come up with a new one who is a lot like her but with subtly less pizazz.

Random observation: this has to be one of the only classic Disney stories where the animals can talk to exactly one sympathetic human (the girl) but no other human. If I remember right, I don’t think even Cinderella can understand the words of her mouse friends.

Anyway. Some people say the sequel is much better than the original here. I haven’t seen The Rescuers Down Under yet, but I hope it’s true.

Pete’s Dragon, 1977

This is the first movie on this whole journey that is so obscure that I don’t think I’d even heard of before, let alone seen, and that’s despite the fact that there was a remake in 2016. (The one thing that rang a bell for me while watching was the idea of a dragon playing tic-tac-toe on its belly, an image I possibly saw in an isolated context.) I questioned whether I should watch yet another 1977 Disney film at all, when it would be mostly live-action and was obviously so obscure. In the end, I’m glad I watched this, partly because the story did grip me on some level, but mostly because this film is so very entertaining in how badly done it is.

Pete’s Dragon, in almost every way, is bad -- hilariously bad -- the sweet spot of Bad: the kind of bad that’s actually interesting to examine and yet also shallow enough to make for good Bad Movie Night watching. It’s hard to know where even to begin. The consistently terrible acting of almost everyone, especially in every single line of the boy protagonist (I hate to trash a child actor like this, and part of it was probably bad direction: for instance, someone should have taught him to go easy on the pointy finger). Almost none of the right emotional notes are hit at the right time in what is a very heartfelt story. Only Helen Reddy as the female lead and Jim Dale as the charlatan doctor strike me as good actors doing the best they can with a terrible script and bad acting around them. Then there are the cheesy, poorly-written, often poorly-sung songs. (Did I mention that in one song, each of Pete’s main abusive guardians continue to sing, each in an unperturbed, full-throated voice while being flung in the air by an invisible dragon and plunged into the water?) The awkward choreography. The weak visual effects (as with Bedknobs and Broomsticks, they really didn’t know how to pull of hybrid animation well. I’d go easier on them for this if Mary Poppins hadn’t nailed it 13 years earlier.) I could go on and on.

It made a lot of sense to me when I read afterwards that Pete’s Dragon was originally written as a stage musical, because there is something unusually stage-musical-ish about how the songs are written (for instance, having subsets of the ensemble throw out response lines in unison) and the way the choreography is done. I’ll say as someone who has been in stage musicals that these elements can feel a bit awkward even on the stage; they look to me more awkward in the medium of film; and they’re especially awkward when the songs, choreography, etc. is as poorly written as it is in this film -- someone who hates musicals wanting to teach a friend to hate them too might well choose to show their friend this movie and pretend that it’s a representative example.

Even through all this, I was able to appreciate that the story is pretty good, and I came to care for the sympathetic characters, however badly acted they were. I also enjoyed the atmosphere of a small coastal village in northeast US (called Passammaquoddy, apparently a real bay in Maine). So, by the time I was partly through watching this (fairly long) movie, I felt very committed to continuing, enjoying it as I was just as much for its entertaining badness as for anything else.

I want to end by mentioning one musical scene in the movie that took me by surprise because it was actually good, and funny and catchy and overall entertaining. It’s our introduction to the charlatan Dr. Terminus, and so it’s self-contained. If you want a taste of a part of the movie that I think is head and shoulders better than the rest while reflecting exactly what I mean by a stage-musical-style musical number (not making any claims about how good in absolute terms this scene is, though), here is a YouTube video of it (the song “Passammaquoddy”) (warning: mildly off-color taste on body type and disability stuff). I would actually enjoy leading a song like this in a musical.

The Fox and the Hound, 1981

These more obscure Disney films are getting more and more interesting. I distinctly remember knowing about this one as a kid, seeing VHS boxes of it at friends’ houses, etc., but I never had much interest in actually seeing it. I watched it for the first time on Disney+ with great curiosity, coming in knowing literally nothing about what the story would be about except “a fox and a hound are friends”. I was pleasantly taken aback by the new setting of backwoods American farmland and by unusually quiet, low-key tone.

The main thing I can say about this movie is that it’s far and away the least Disney-ish of the animated ones I’ve seen so far. If nobody had told me which company made this movie, it would never even occur to me that it was done by Disney, except for the presence of Disney icon Pat Buttram’s very recognizable twangy voice (perfect for this movie, not really appropriate for the setting of Robin Hood). It’s hard to explain just why I feel this way. Maybe it’s something to do with the pacing and the sort of quiet story. Or maybe it’s the fact that none of the animals seem to be drawn in the traditional Disney fashion (that is, we’ve seen fox and owl characters before in Disney, and for some reason their counterparts in The Fox and the Hound aren’t recognizable to me.) Or maybe it was the almost complete lack of songs. Honestly, trying to write this, I can’t quite pin down what made this a slightly offputting Disney-watching experience.

Despite feeling affection for the characters from the get-go, I actually found myself rather bored throughout the first half of the slowly-progressing movie. Then I perked up in the middle, actually thinking there might be a death, and of a rather morally ambiguous character too (this didn’t feel like a Disney film, so it might break the rules?). After that I felt enthralled to the point of breaking down and finishing it after having previously decided to leave a bit left over for the next day. I’m really not used to not having any idea how stories will end when going through Disney movies, and I guess I couldn’t handle even that small bit of suspense.

In the end, I thought the story, and how the story was rendered, was pretty good -- not stellar, but genuine. I don’t know about how overly-neatly everything was wrapped up with the main antagonist Amos Slade doing a complete 180 at the end, but after all this is Disney even if it doesn’t particularly feel like it and I shouldn’t be surprised at a happy ending.

Random side note: I wonder if Big Mama (the owl character) could be criticized as sort of an African-American stereotype and thus what Disney+ would call an “outdated cultural depiction”, or if it will be in another ten years.

The Black Cauldron, 1985

We continue with our sequence of more obscure Disney flicks. I guess this era is called the Dark Age of Disney for a reason, and one could say that this movie epitomizes such an era both in its role in the evolution of Disney and in its actual content. I don’t recall even hearing about this one as a child. I’ve heard it referred to as an adult only in the context of its successor being advertised as fun to provide a contrast with the overly-dark box office failure that had just come out, so I came in expecting a not-very-worthwhile movie that would be uncharacteristically dark and un-fun.

All I can say is, wow! The Black Cauldron, while indeed uncharacteristically dark (in ambiance at least, less so in subject matter), is genuinely, seriously good!

Within literally the first two seconds of the film, I knew that I was in a Medieval setting (not having known anything whatsoever about the story prior to watching) both from the music and from the backdrop. This remained the case throughout the movie. Everything in its style is boldly, wholeheartedly Medieval, not like some other Disney movies where the Medieval setting is watered-down and phony *cough*swordinthestone*cough*robinhood*hack. The only other movie on this list so far which comes close to succeeding at this was Sleeping Beauty, but that is such a different type of film, with such a different animation style, that comparing the two is like comparing apples to oranges. Honestly, I don’t think that the flavor is so thick even in Sleeping Beauty. The art of The Black Cauldron actually feels closer to that of Magic the Gathering than anything else I can think of from Disney. The effects of the animation are absolutely gorgeous -- in a rather dark way, mind you, not bright and colorful like what is usually associated with Disney.

The story is complex by Disney standards and I had zero familiarity with it beforehand, so for the first time I actually had to check myself to make sure I was paying attention. The characters are reasonably developed with engaging dialog (though slightly hesitant and sparse, with unusually little humor). It was a little jarring to hear “the Forbidden Forest” mentioned by one of the characters and remember that Harry Potter wouldn’t be around for over a decade. The main villain is one of the scariest ones of Disney and I would imagine may have been somewhat influenced by Ian McDiarmid’s Emperor, who had made his debut only a couple of years earlier.

I said that the last film on this list seemed distinctly un-Disney-ish, and I can say the same about this one in its own way -- maybe this was an experimental trend at Disney studios during the first half of the 80′s. The Black Cauldron has even less music in it than The Fox and the Hound and may be the only animated feature I’ve seen here with nothing resembling a song at all. One strong impression I got throughout, especially when the dungeon sequence started and the princess was introduced -- and this isn’t exactly a compliment -- is that something about the pacing, dialog, body movements, etc. seriously makes this movie feel like I’m watching a video game. (For personal context, I’ve never been a gamer, and most of my exposure to video games comes from watching college roommates play during the late 00′s.) I can’t justify exactly where I get this feeling. Also, the princess is strangely voiced and feels particularly like a non-player (video game) character somehow. I’m now curious as to whether there have ever been any games based on this movie or whether it had faded too much into oblivion by the time gaming reached the right level of progress.

Anyway, The Black Cauldron may not be especially fun or enjoyable to kids, but for an older person in the mood for some spooky Medieval fantasy animated entertainment, I recommend it as a fine movie.

(Fun trivia: I had believed that the successor on this list was the first animated feature to use computers to assist in animation, in the clock/gear sequence, but apparently this one actually was. Also, to date it was the most expensive animated film created.)

The Great Mouse Detective, 1986

Now for a classic that I had been greatly looking forward to. We didn’t have The Great Mouse Detective at my home growing up, but I know I saw it a number of times and later remembered liking it so much that on a whim in college, around the time I revisited Mary Poppins, I borrowed it from the local Blockbuster. I distinctly remembering feeling a little sheepish checking it out, but the young guy at the register actually said something like, “Yeah, that’s one of the best ones.” Years later, one of my best friends during graduate school was hanging out at my place and the conversation went to us agreeing on how excellent The Great Mouse Detective is and musing over the fact that nobody ever seems to talk about it, and we decided to watch it together as it was on Netflix at the time. We didn’t bother to log out of my roommate’s Netflix account to watch it, and he was later very irritated at me about the fact that Netflix was now constantly offering him children’s animated features. Anyway, it seems I’m far from the only one who has often viewed this one as perhaps the most underrated Disney classic of all time. (Further evidence: it comes second in WatchMojo’s list, with their winner being its predecessor!)

The Great Mouse Detective was billed as “All new! All fun!” to assure audiences that it would be a departure from the heavy seriousness of its predecessor, and in this it generously delivers all the way through. It’s based on the just-silly-enough-to-be-delightful premise that in late Victorian London there was a mouse version of Queen Victoria living in Buckingham Palace and a mouse version of Sherlock Holmes (our title character) living under the human Holmes’ flat in Baker Street. Our villain, the dastardly Ratigan, is hatching a plan to take over all of Mousedom via a plot which is incredibly silly, but the movie, which is consistent in its unpretentiousness, is able to pull this off just fine. All of the characters are nicely fleshed out (there’s a case to be made about Fidget’s character reflecting ableism but let’s leave that aside). Ratigan is the juiciest villain we’ve seen since Cruella de Vil. The plot is actually pretty complex, not at all like the predictable fairy tale / fantasy type plots we’ve often seen, yet not so complicated that it would lose the audience (or if it loses some kids, they will still be entertained by the great voicing, music, and animation). The action is, bar none, the very best I’ve seen so far on the animated movies of this list, and the movie is somehow packed with action -- every single sequence of it is superb, and the climactic scene inside of Big Ben is a revolutionary masterpiece of animation (by the standards that existed at the time). The abrupt transition to that scene, beginning in near-silence, is one of the more delightfully, deliciously chilling Disney moments for me.

This is not one of the great Disney musicals, but all three of its three musical numbers are still very enjoyable. I remember learning in college that the same person wrote “The World’s Greatest Criminal Mind” and “Goodbye So Soon”, but I only just now internalized that the composer was Henry Mancini who I love from The Pink Panther and Victor Victoria. There is a certain type of wit and humor in the lyrics of both of those songs which I don’t know how to characterize in words except to say that it’s sprinkled with phrases either containing self-contradictons (“You’re the best of the worst around”, “You’re more evil than even you”) or redundancy (“No one can doubt what we know you can do”) or just plain wordplay (“Even meaner? You mean it?”, “With time so short I’ll say so long”). None of it makes a pretense of being extremely witty or anything; it’s just mildly dry. I don’t know what to call this kind of humor and can’t think of another example of it, but it consciously (though subtly) influenced the vibe I was going for with the section headings in certain of my earlier Wordpress essays.

Perhaps Lady and the Tramp can make a case for winning the Most Underrated Disney Animated Feature prize, as it seems more mature and elegant, but I’m not ashamed to say that I find The Great Mouse Detective every bit as enjoyable and that I still have enough inner child in me that I can rewatch the movie in my early 30′s and come out of it smiling broadly.

Oliver and Company, 1988

The first major Disney feature that came out in my lifetime! As with The Fox and the Hound, I always knew about this one growing up but was never really interested enough to watch it (even despite the fact that it was somehow loosely based on Oliver Twist, whose musical adaptation I was raised on pretty heavily) -- at least, I don’t think I ever saw any of it until one day in my young adulthood cable days when I caught it on TV. By “caught it on TV”, of course I mean that I probably didn’t see all of it, and it was interrupted by commercials and I was probably doing something else at the same time and not paying much attention. Literally the only thing I could remember was the line “Don’t want to mix with the riffraff?”

It’s just as well because in the grander progression of Disney creations, Oliver and Company turns out to be pretty skipable. Now I will say that I appreciate the variety of locations and cultural backdrops in Disney films and the amount of effort the creators put into carrying them out (something that was mostly lost on me as a kid). In this case, we are transported for the first time to contemporary New York, and it’s clear that the writers, voice actors, and animators went full throttle on making everything seem as in-your-face New-York-ish as possible. I don’t fault them for doing this, but it’s all done in a slightly brash way that doesn’t at all attract me to late-80′s New York culture.

I was struck in the first few minutes by a change I don’t quite know how to describe in words, except to say that the animation and even more the music feel palpably distinctly more modern than anything I’ve visited so far. The animation is simpler and more generic (luckily I have a fondness for kittens and they do succeed in making Oliver look adorable, but otherwise the visuals left me cold), and the music is a sharp reminder of the blander forms of pop music I remember growing up hearing. “Why Should I Worry?” triggered a recognition of the song that I had long forgotten -- apparently I used to know it very well but I’m not entirely sure how. The other songs are forgettable enough that I’ve already forgotten them. Interesting to find out that the principal voices were done mainly by Billy Joel and Bette Midler, marking another step on Disney’s road towards featuring more big-time celebrities in their voice acting (culminating in Robin Williams’ role in Aladdin several years later).

The story is very watered down compared to either the book or the musical version of Oliver -- understandable, I suppose, but I didn’t find it very interesting. The characters were lackluster, and the main villain Sykes managed to be even more forgettable than What’s-her-name from The Rescuers. This movie normalizes hitting on women by making catcalling noises, as done by two of the non-evil characters -- I wonder if this was put in because it’s considered a distinctive feature of New York culture, but either way I found its presence in the film obnoxious. I will say that the character of Georgette (played by Midler) stood out as very funny, and I enjoyed all of her scenes, but I don’t have much else positively positive to say about this one.

[gh0stbird]

Okay Now Do The Rest

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Bright but argumentative. I was never afraid of pointing out things I didn’t feel were fair hfhddh

When we were learning numbers kids would often write 91 for nineteen, just flip them, y’know, and Ms. Potter yelled at the class for it. Baby Generiq went into it about how it was an understandable mix up because you do say the number first. In twenty-three you write the two first, so in nineteen it’s easy to assume you would write the nine first.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Tired.

8. movies or tv shows?

TV shows. Every book adaptation should also be a series not a movie. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Honeysuckle and sunshine

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Floor hockey! My friend and I used to be brutal and swing at each other’s shins going after the ball. Also it was reminiscent of golf, which I competed in.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

I have an untitled playlist I cycle my current music in and out of, but Newton’s Third Law is my favorite named one!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

I don’t- I guess the yellow smarties. Don’t come for me they taste like lemonade.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

I assume this means assigned book and not the reports we got to pick for ourselves. Ah, Night was good. Lord of the Flies was fine but way overhyped. Again, don’t come for me.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

If I can tuck my legs into the chair I am sitting in that is ideal!

18. ideal weather?

When you know it is going to rain and you get to stay home

19. sleeping position? (Skipped on accident)

I reeeally like pressure, so either against something or on my stomach.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Phone notes and a notebook! Sometimes a blank document but I always find it strangely intimidating

21. obsession from childhood?

Warrior Cats, Percy Jackson, and Maximum Ride were my big three!

22. role model?

Aa I try to straw from people I want to copy, but there are talents I look up to. Rachel Chavkin is a brilliant director, and there are so many artists and authors I look up to and who inspire me.

24. favorite crystal?

Obsidian because it’s black like my hea- I’m kidding, I do love obsidian, but it’s Rose Quartz because it’s a very very pretty, soft pink and makes me happy.

25. first song you remember hearing?

The mobile above my crib played Imagine by John Lennon. My childhood room was themed after it as well!

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Swim or sit in the sunshine. Ben and I usually go driving with the top down as well.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Walking through fresh snow is amazing, so are snowball fights and building snowmen.

28. five songs to describe you?

Oh fuck yes

Hurricane - Hamilton

The Reckless and the Brave - All Time Low

Almost There - The Princess and the Frog

All This and Heaven Too - Florence + the Machine

Facade - Jekyll and Hyde: A Gothic Musical Thriller

30. places that you find sacred?

I don’t typically find places sacred, but certain headspaces are very special to me, and time spent with loved ones means more than enough to be considered sacred.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A black blazer with a white button-down and a skirt.

32. top five favorite vines?

I am in Missouri (misery)

I love you, Bitch

I want a Church girl

Obama’s “I know because I won both of them”

I won’t hesitate, Bitch!

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“No worries”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

That fucking PFI bandana boot sale I stg

35. average time you fall asleep?

Somewhere between 9:00 and three in the morning

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Some girl doing bunny ears on her friend. I don’t remember what the caption was

38. lemonade or tea?

Both. Mixed together. It’s called an Arnold Palmer and it is my favorite drink

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon cake!

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

We duck taped out principal to the wall once. Also some kid broke their tray over another kid’s head at lunch one time.

41. last person you texted?

The family group chat, though Beau if Discord counts

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

I wear a lot of leggings so jacket pockets!

44. favorite scent for soap?

We had some Lily of the Valley hand soap that was amazing

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy, I think! I’ve never done super heavy into the other two. Though I definitely don’t want to ignore sci-fi because two of my favorite stories are a little science-fiction-y

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

A t-shirt and shorts

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

A banana. Generally accepted as a fruit and kind of just rolls with it, but is actually a berry

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

I fucking hate Hamilton-ing on main, but

“And when my prayers to god were met with indifference, I picked up a pen, I wrote my own deliverance!”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

That changes every time Beau and I play HetaOni together, but I have fucking lost it for at least five minutes the last two sessions.

51. current stresses?

I dunno, man, life? My hair could use a wash

52. favorite font?

Covered by your Grace and I’m a big Spectral baby. These are both google docs! I don’t know if that makes a difference.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Patience is important when teaching material, but never be afraid to find another approach better suited to the person you’re tutoring.

55. favorite fairy tale?

Robin Hood!

56. favorite tradition?

My family does homemade Springfield cashew chicken for Christmas!

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Uhh lots of self-acceptance shit no one really wants to read

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I can pop the joint at the center of my foot

That’s all

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

I sort of like my role as mom friend, so maybe I could keep that role in a sort of action-based anime that followed a group of friends

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“I am not the protégé to waste your time on; I'm complete!” Jekyll and Hyde: GMT

62. seven characters you relate to?

Haha

Lisa Carew - Jekyll and Hyde: GMT

Japan - Hetalia/Oni

Garnett - Steven Universe

Hfhddh that’s all I can say that aren’t my own characters

63. five songs that would play in your club?

I Don’t Like Clubs, but

Overwhelmed - Royal + The Serpent

Backseat Serenade - All Time Low

Go Big or Go Home - American Authors

The Nights - Avicii

Tempo - Lizzo

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Webkinz!

65. any permanent scars?

Yep - One from a bad bike wreck. My body rejected the dissolvable stitches so it’s a lot bigger than it was supposed to be

66. favorite flower(s)?

Lily of the Valley, daisies, Day Lilies, and Dandelions! I also love honeysuckles but I don’t know if those count.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Accidentally drank rancid milk once!

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? (Haha, nice)

The fastest, free way to fill up your potions on Wizard101 is to play Potion Motion to level three.

70. left or right handed?

Right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

On myself, animal print

72. worst subject?

I’ve never been intuitively good at History, I do think it’s interesting though.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

I don’t like to take it until I can’t move without it.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

Kindergarten? I had mono and then scarlet fever twice, so my baby teeth were pretty much ruined and they all fell out very fast.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Curly fries!

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Kalanchoe’s, it literally Window’s Thrill. These babies are fairly temperamental outside and love partial sun, so the window is the perfect spot for them. And! If you keep them happy! They’ll bloom! My personal favorite is the pink bloom.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

What’s wrong with coffee from a gas station? Also I don’t like seafood.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth tones!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Lightning bugs

82. pc or console?

PC!

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts - talk radios actually tend to get under my skin for n o reason

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, but let it be known I was brutal with mine. We did human sacrifices and the like.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology!

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies, but I’m a slut for whipped frosting

87. your greatest fear?

Losing control!

88. your greatest wish?

A life beyond where I am now. Haha Stop chasing new down the hallway you’re so sexy haha

90. luckiest mistake?

Logged into Omegle in like 2015 and some rando asked me to join their Doctor Who roleplay. Luckiest moment of my gd life.

91. boxes or bags?

Bags! They’re easier to store

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight! But in the late afternoon when everything is bathed in orange.

93. nicknames?

Mom is the most prevalent!

94. favorite season?

Fall into winter. Peak leaf crunch!

95. favorite app on your phone?

Discord or Notes

[ezilyamuzed]

Ten Years Gone- The Beginning

Description: Ten years ago, your world had changed. Ten years ago, you had met him, leading your life to never be the same again. Time is running out, but is it too late after all these years?

Word Count: 7775

Warnings: Language, Parent’s death, PG teen “cuddle” time. 

A/N: This is the prelude of a new series. I was listening to Led Zeppelin's ‘Ten Years Gone’ while watching the early episodes of Supernatural and got some ideas... Enjoy. 

Any grammatical mistakes are all my own, because I am human. Remember all comments and feedback are welcomed! If you want a tag in future posts regarding this series or other writings please send an ask! As always thank you for reading! Enjoy!   

TEN YEARS GONE MASTERLIST

*Picture and lyrics used are not mine. Led Zeppelin is Amazing.

Changes fill my time, baby, that's alright with me In the midst I think of you, and how it used to be

Your legs were sprawled out along the back seat of your uncle’s ‘70 Chevelle as you hummed along to the guitar rhythm and stared out the window. The trees and scenery were whooshing past in a blink of an eye, but it all looked pretty much the same no matter where you were. The autumn quickly changing the leaves that were now falling to the ground. Trees, trees, dirt, and grass. Hey a rock. Sometimes you turned your sight seeing into a game to see how long you could stare out without blinking before you either got dizzy or your eyes dried out. Your record was to the second chorus of The Steve Miller Band’s “The Joker”. 

“We almost there? I gotta piss,” you whined up to the front. 

Your uncle Danny let out a laugh as he turned his head to the rear-view mirror to see your turnt up nose. 

“We’re about 5 minutes away. You can hold it until then. If not, I’m sure there is a bottle or something back there.”

Although he was not longer looking you still give him an evil glare in response.

“You know it doesn’t work like that Uncle Danny.”

“Well if you’re going to keep talking like a rude little boy instead of the proper lady like I know your momma raised you to be, I’m going to keep treating you like it,” he replied back, turning the radio down as he spoke.

“She tried. It didn’t stick,” you rolled your eyes in a humph.

“If only she could see you now. Hell, 14, starting up high school…”

“Yeah, how many schools will I go to this year? The standard 4 minimum?” you added with sarcasm.

“One, smartass,” you could see him smiling as he looked to you in the rear view mirror. “I’ve worked out a deal with a buddy of mine while I go on a business trip.”

“Ya hunting plants, fruits, vegetables, or minerals this time?” You laughed at your own dumb joke.

“Don’t you worry about that missy,” he replied. “You just keep your head while I’m gone. No getting into trouble.”

“Who ya dropping me off with anyways? They in the business too,” you asked while making air quotes. 

“Yeah, but recently he has stepped back a little. Actually, he’s been watching two teenage boys around your age while their dad also goes out on the road,” he replied before looking back to you again in the mirror. “And I don’t want to hear about you getting into no trouble with those or any other boys. Ya hear me?”

“Ew, no,” you face twisting in disgust.

“Yeah, you say that now. Soon enough though, you’ll be just like the rest of us and find that special someone that turns ya all stupid enough to want to spend the rest of your life with em.” 

You rolled your eyes again as you slumped back further into the seat, keeping you eyes on the road signs as the passed by. Sioux Falls, North Dakota 10 miles ahead. Ten more miles until you can finally stretch out properly. Ten more miles until you might get to sleep in real bed, in a real house, something you hadn’t done for almost three years.

It had been an unusually warm fall that year. With your birthday approaching, your mom and dad were busy setting up everything for your party. Uncle Danny had taken you out to pick out whatever gift you wanted- a butterfly knife with dusty rose handles. He of course argued with you, but with his vast collection of knives that you had always admired, he agreed as long as it stayed a secret between the two of you. He even had an interesting symbol etched into the blade. It was a little star that looked like flames were coming out of every corner. He said it was extra protection, whatever that had meant. After grabbing ice cream he had driven you home, only too see the door wide open with no answer. He told you to stay in the car, but of course after a few minutes you stopped listening. It was your home. Why would you have to wait outside? That’s when you saw what he wanted to protect you from. Both of your parents, ripped to shreds by what looked like an animal. There was no animal in sight though. You don’t even remember exactly what else happened that day. There were sirens and people in uniforms everywhere. Neighbors of course being nosy and gawking at the scene. What you remembered was your Uncle Danny holding you close and telling you that everything would be okay. And you believed him.

Up until now, he had tried his best to juggle everything- his job and raising you were not easy tasks. You got into fights in school quite a bit, but with the fact that you were leaving it in a week or so to go to another, who really cared? There were nights when you were all alone, waiting patiently for him to return, always wondering in that back of your mind if this was the time you’d lose him too. He always came back though, a little beaten a bruised perhaps, but always with a smile. 

Eventually he finally told you where he was going during all of his trips. Fighting ghosts and other monsters sounded ridiculous to you, but eventually you realized he wasn’t kidding. He was a hunter- he saved people. And that made him that so much cooler. Over the summer he had started teaching you how to shoot and what things to look for. You had already became really good with a knife, learning little tricks and that with the one he had bought you. He had an old notebook that was filled with drawings and descriptions that you tried to memorize, the ink wearing away with each use. You asked if you could join and help on a case, but he would always tell you that it was no place for a kid to be which was complete bullshit. You could handle yourself. You weren’t scared. But with all your protests, he would not budge, thus bringing you to here.

“About 5 more minutes until we’re at Bobby’s,” he stated while turning left down the road. “Hold on to your bladder just a little longer.”

You re-positioned yourself to stare out the window to see if anything was at least interesting around this guy’s house. Nope. Trees, fields, and a couple houses every once in a while. Great - middle of fucking nowhere U.S.A.  You caught the sight of what looked like the after effects of a tornado. Cars and junk everywhere with a little house in the back. 

“Welcome to Singer Salvage yard.”

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” you moaned.

“Hey, language.”

“Sorry,” you muttered before speaking up again. “But seriously, you are LITERALLY leaving me in a garbage dump. What the hell am I supposed to do here? Get tetanus?”

“No, you’re going to get an education and have a normal childhood,” his voice sounded angry. “Now I know it’s not pretty, but Bobby is a good friend. He will watch out for you and make sure you have everything you need.”

“I’m going to need a bath,” you mumbled under your breath.

When the car finally came to a complete stop and the dust from the ground settled you were able to get a better view of the place. It was alright, probably looked better on the inside. Well, at least you hoped. Still a shithole. There was another chevelle parked alongside it that was just like your uncles, but more on the run down side. Next to it, a sleek black Impala. That was probably Bobby’s car. Hunters always have a thing for muscle cars. Sturdy, reliable, fast, or “American made” as your uncle liked to state. Whatever the reason, they were nice to look at. 

Two men walked out of the house with solemn looks on their faces with two teenage boys trailing behind. You followed your uncle's lead and climbed out of the car to the fresh air. 

“Danny, it’s been a long time,” the dark haired man with a gruff voice stated while extending his hand for a shake.

“ Way too long Johnny,” he replied while shaking his hand before moving to the bearded guy with a baseball cap. “Bobby, thanks for doing this.”

“It’s no trouble at all. There’s already two hellions, what’s another?” He chuckled as he looked over at you staring down to the ground, pushing your chucks into the dirt. “You must be Y/N.”

“Yes sir,” you replied with a tight lipped smile. 

“This is my boy Dean, he’s just a little older than you and my boy Sam who is just a bit younger,” John stated, while guiding the boys closer with his arm, although they clearly could care less.

“Dean, could you and Sam help Y/N inside?” Danny spoke up. “I know I’ve been making her wait to use the restroom, so I’m sure she’ll be grateful to know where it is.”

Dean nodded his head and grabbed at your two bags in the backseat before walking past you to go inside. Sam following. You rolled your eyes to your uncle and trailed behind to your new life- at least for now. 

You were wrong about it possibly being better on the inside. Nope, it was a shithole too that was covered with books and empty liquor bottles. The decor covered by a pound of dust and cobwebs resembled something like a real house, something someone used to care about. 

“Toilets over there,” Dean nodded down the hall while tossing your bags down before he flopped himself on the couch.

“Thanks,” you mumbled as you walked down the hall.

Surprisingly the toilet was at least semi clean, although there was enough hair trimmings in the sink to resemble a small animal.

After finishing in the bathroom you walked out to the living room area. Dean was sprawled out on the couch with a comic book and Sam was sitting on the floor next to him with an old worn down book. Out of place and unwelcomed were the nice ways of saying how you felt at that moment. After grabbing your book bag, you sat down at the kitchen table all alone, not knowing what else to do, but to stare at the walls.

“You boys helped Y/N find her way,” you heard your uncle's voice say as he entered the room.

Dean nodded as he turned the page on his book. Sam looked back at him, following his queue. Your uncle approached you, sitting himself down at the seat next to yours.

“See, it’s not that bad, right kiddo?”

Even though your head was down, you looked up to him through your lashes, rolling your eyes just a little towards the two boys.

“You’ll be fine,” he smiled. “Just give it a little bit and I’m sure you will all be getting along just fine when I come back.”. 

“How long?” You asked although you could guess the answer already.

“Not sure kiddo,” he grabbed your hand and held it gently. “But I’m going to call every Sunday night after dinner time to check in on you. Okay?”

“Okay,” you nodded before wrapping your arms tightly around his neck. “Just come back to me okay Uncle Danny?”

“You be good Y/N;” he said as he returned your hug back before standing up again. “I’ll see you soon kiddo.”

He never promised that he would come back. It was a promise that he couldn’t make. He knew it and you knew. He always said that he would never make a promise to you that he couldn’t keep. That didn’t make it hurt any less.

You watched as he shook Bobby’s hand by the front door, turning to give you a loving smile before leaving out the door to go to the next job that awaited him.

“So, how about you boys actually show Y/N where her room is.” Bobby stated firmly, causing Dean to roll his eyes as he slapped the comic book shut. “You two know how it goes around here. We’re not savages. Now get going.”

“Yes sir,” the two of them mumbled as they got up from their spots. 

Both boys each grabbed one of your bags, still not saying anything really directly to you as they walked up the stairs. Bobby was standing with his arms crossed watching them closely as you followed behind them. 

“This one is where Bobby sleeps,” Sam informed you while pointing to a door. Dean and I are in this one, and you’re the last one down the hall.”

“Yeah, lucky you,” Dean scoffed. “You get your own room.”

“Lucky me,” you stated back with sarcasm. “I get to live here with you.”

Dean turned his head to you with a glare before he opened the door and switched on the light. It was a simple room, surprisingly organized and clean. It was almost like someone had cleaned it recently. 

“This was Dean’s room,” Sam informed you, making you feel a little guilty about displacing him. It wasn’t like this was your choice though.

Dean tossed the bag he was carrying down onto the bed with a thud. Sam chose to use the gentler approach of setting the bag he was carrying on a chair in the corner.

“So what’s your story,” Dean asked as he sat down on the corner of the bed.

You shrugged, as you moved through the room, checking out the view from the window. 

“You travel with your uncle,” Dean stated. “So where’s your parents?”

You turned and looked back to him silently, not really wanting to talk about the tragic backstory of your life.

“Okay, don't talk to us then,” Dean rolled his eyes as he stood up. 

“Dead.”

He paused in his steps and turned to look at you, mouth agape. You returned to look out the window again before continuing, hoping you would see your uncles car any moment again to take you with him.

“It’s just me and Danny;” you continued as you looked over to them. “So what’s your story?”

“Mom’s been gone a long time and dad is in the business,” he stated with some sort of pride. “The family business.”

“Doesn’t a family business typically mean that more than one member of your family is doing it?” You snarked back.

“I’ve gone out on hunts before,” he stated in defense. “I’ve seen a ghost before.”

“Good for you,” you rolled your eyes again. “So why did he leave the two of you here then.”

“Dean got in some trouble on his last hunt,” Sam spoke up. 

“What, did you act like an ass to the monster too?” You smirked to Dean.

“That’s a long story,” he said as he started rubbing the back of his neck. “So how long are you here for?”

“Who knows?” You responded. “Hopefully just a few days, maybe weeks.”

“And you’re like what 13?”

“Fourteen,” you corrected him. “I’ll be fifteen-.”

You stopped yourself short, not wanting to discuss or even think about the fact that you had a birth date like everyone else. It was a day you’d rather forget. You finished your sentence with the word “soon” popping off your lips.

“Are you going to be going to the high school with Dean then?” Sam asked. 

“I guess so,” you shrugged. “So What is there to do around here anyways?”

“Read,” Sam replied with innocence, Dean rolling his eyes in response.

“There ain’t much to do, but there’s always something you can find to at least pass the time.”

“Like what?” You asked. 

Dean laughed while nodding outside.

“Well, you like cars?” He asked as you gave him a side eyed glance. “We got tons of em out there.”

“What do you do? Try to fix em up or something?”

Dean shrugged as you all heard Bobby yelling up the stairs to start getting ready for dinner. 

“Don’t keep him waiting,” Sam said as he walked out the door.

“Is Bobby strict?” You asked Dean who was still standing there, waiting for you to go downstairs as well.

“He’s alright, can be strict at times,” he replied back. “He does his best to make sure that we have some sort of normal in our lives.”

“What’s normal?” You rolled your eyes. “Being dropped off with some strange dude in a shit hole.”

“Give it time,” Dean laughed. “It’s not that bad. It’s better than staying in a crumby motel every night alone. ”

You paused your steps to the door as you heard those words leaving his lips. Motel and alone. Well that summed up the last three years of your life. Guess you did have more in common with these two boys besides being dumped off. If they could handle it, maybe it wasn’t going to be that bad after all.

The next couple weeks weren’t that bad. You had started high school with Dean showing you around. The fact that he became somewhat protective of you was probably why you didn’t seem to have any trouble with the other kids. The boys seemed to be scared of him, and the girls seemed to be in love with him. Each Sunday as promised your uncle would call to check in, consistently avoiding the topic of when he would be coming back. It was alright though. You had become so busy with your school work and hanging out with the boys that you didn’t mind it so much. Bobby’s house was slowly becoming your home.

“So to find the slope, you take the difference from the two Y points and divide by the two corresponding X points,” you stated to Dean as the two of you sat at the kitchen table.

“Why do I even care?” He grumbled.

“Well, slopes give you an idea of the rate of acceleration. Like in a car,” you stated. “Say you know that if you start at the end of the driveway and move to the other end in 60 seconds, you can determine how fast you were going.”

“Or I could just look at the speedometer,” he grinned. 

“Smartass,” you laughed as you shoved his arm. “Okay, so you see a Rugalu, and they move from point A to point B in so many seconds. How fast do you have to move your ass to get the hell out of there?” 

“Who says I wouldn’t stay to fight?”

You rolled your eyes to him again. Clearly at this point he was just being a smartass. 

“Fine, you don’t run away. So how much faster do you have to be to gank him then Winchester?” You asked with a cocky smile.

“Just got to be faster,” he replied. “Who cares how fast?”

“Well, let me give you a little insight into physics and biology. You expel more than enough energy for a task, you deplete your energy storage. Making it easy for the other Rugulu to take you down.”

“Okay, point taken,” he laughed. “Math is important. So how did you become so smart in this shit anyways?”

“My dad was a science professor,” you shrugged, before realizing that you had mentioned him for probably the first time ever to Dean besides the fact that he was dead.

“And your mom?” Dean prodded a little further. 

“History professor,” you replied while taking in a deep breath. “Guess it just rubbed off on me. Anyways, do you get it now?”

“Oh, I got it about a minute after you decided to try and help me,” he smiled. “I just wanted to see how far I could get you frustrated before you gave up.”

You smacked him lightly on his arm as he laughed in response.

“You’re a dick,” you laughed. “Why did you want to see me get frustrated?”

“Because I think it’s awesome that even when you don’t know how to help someone, it gets to you so much that you don’t quit,” he smiled. “That and when you realize that you did in fact help someone, your eyes kind of light up a little. You’re a good person Y/N.”

The way that Dean was looking at you as he spoke was so genuine; no one besides family had ever done that before. It made you feel something at that moment. What it was, you weren’t sure. You bit your lip nervously as he leaned over, pulling his text book back over to him. 

“So question 4, find the y-intercept,” he read from the pages.

“You helping Dean with homework there Y/N?” Bobby stated as he entered the room with Sam, both carrying bags of groceries that could probably feed a small army. Or in this case, the Winchester boys for a weekend. 

“Just making sure he gets it,” you smiled back while standing up to help them put the groceries away.

Peering into the bags, there was an item that you had told Bobby in secret that you needed that you didn’t see. He had either forgotten, or was too embarrassed to pick it up. 

“Um, Bobby,” you muttered. “Ya forgot something.”

He looked at you with furrowed brows until it dawned on him. He mumbled ‘crap’ under his breath before exhaling loudly.

“I suppose you need ‘em soon,” he sighed, you nodding in response. He looked over at Dean finishing the last question of his homework and closing the book. “Dean, take Y/N and my car to the little corner store. Be back in twenty for dinner.”

Dean squinted his eyes in confusion as he grabbed the keys from Bobby. You rolling your own eyes that now Dean was going to be very well aware of the gross part about being a girl: your period. 

You trailed behind Dean after Bobby handed you some cash, muttering an apology as you walked away. In less than 3 minutes, with Dean obviously ignoring anything that resembled a speed limit sign you were at the store.

“So what did you need? Make-up, hair stuff?,” he inquired as he followed you in, making you give him a funny look. “Didn’t know if all of the sudden you were trying to look like those other girls in the school.”

“I’d rather live forever in my comfy jeans and t-shirts then to ever be like them,” you snarked back, as you approached the feminine section.

Dean’s eyes followed where yours went, staring at the boxes of tampons with little flowers printed on them. It was not something he knew a lot about, but he knew enough. He reached over and grabbed a box, staring at the packaging.

“I don’t know why they try to make it all fancy,” he pondered out loud. “I mean, a girl can bleed for a few days and still kick your ass. They should have something more fierce on the box. Like a warrior princess.”

You shook your head with a laugh, catching on that Dean was trying to make this would be awkward situation into a joke. 

“My dad used to say that they used these for bullet holes,” he stated while grabbing two more boxes. “We should probably stock up knowing our luck. Who knows, maybe I’ll need some.”

Your laughter died down as you followed Dean to the register when you saw a group of guys looking and nodding over to the two of you with smirks.

“Looks like Winchester isn’t getting laid this week,” the one stated out loud. “Unless he’s into walking the red carpet.”

Johsua Adams. A notorious prick that thought he was God’s gift to women. First day at school and he had already tried, and failed, to have you,the new girl cozy, up behind the bleachers with him.  Dean just sat the products down on the counter, clenching his jaw as he turned to him with a grin.

“No, that’s what your girlfriend is for.”

Josh’s smile faded quickly, his face hardened now approaching Dean rapidly with you standing next to him. You felt Dean’s arm push you back by your waist, surprising you for a second until you saw what happened next. Josh yelled a ‘fuck you’ as he swung his fist towards Dean’s face, Dean almost effortlessly caught him by the wrist and twisted his arm behind his back.

“Now you’re going apologize for your remarks and you're going to go back to your little circle jerk,” he seethed, holding him steady as he tried to break free. 

Josh’s friends all moved from their spot, clearly pissed off that their friend was being hurt. Dean shook his head stating ‘uh huh’ as he twisted Josh's arm more to make him yell out. 

“Now I’m going to let you go,” Dean instructed the Josh in his ear, loud enough for everyone to hear. “And you all are going to leave me and my friend alone, or next time I won’t be so nice.”

Josh nodded his head, giving Dean the queue that he was going to comply. His friends all stared the two of you down hard with anger as they walked out of the store. You had almost forgotten the fact that you were in a store until you heard the onlooking cashier behind you.

“Your boyfriend there is a good guy,” she stated. “Those boys are nothing but trouble. It was about time someone showed them their place.”

You didn’t argue what she had called him: your boyfriend. Definitely not. Probably not ever. But she was right, he was a good guy. You handed her the money as you lead the way out the door to Bobby’s car. The two of you opening the doors and setting yourself in. 

“Where did you learn how to do that?” You asked with enthusiasm, the whole act was something you had only seen in the movies.

“My dad,�� Dean replied. “And Bobby a little. Why?”

“Teach me,” you said as your turned your body to him with intrigue in your eyes.

“What?” Dean exhaled audibly. “Why?”

“You really have to ask?,” you sounding surprised. “Come on Dean! There are tons of assholes out there like that, plus knowing how to take care of myself would definitely help with, you know...those other things that we aren’t supposed to talk about.”

“There is no way in hell I’m teaching you any of that,” he looked at you directly with seriousness on his face. “You haven’t had to know what it’s like to fight for your life; you’re lucky and blessed. And I will be dammed if I ever let you get mixed up in that shit.”

“It’s not like I’m not already mixed up in it Dean! Something supernatural killed my parents. Hell, I’m being raised by hunters! Do you really think I will ever just get on with my life and not have that following me?”

Dean growled lowly, as he shook his head. 

“Fine,” he stated as he turned the key in the ignition to bring the engine to life. “But this is between us. If Bobby knew, he’d kill me.”

“I promise.”

“And leave Sam out of it too. That kid is going to be a doctor or lawyer someday.”

“No problem,” you agreed. “Thanks Dean, for you know, what happened in there.”

“ Anytime,” he said as he pulled out of the spot and drove down the road. “He had it coming to him anyway.”

“And I know why you’re scared to teach me how to fight Dean.”

He glanced over at you with confusion, making you smirk in return.

“Because you know I’ll be able to kick your ass,” you replied with snark. 

“Oh darlin,” he shook his head with a laugh. “You haven’t seen anything yet.” 

The next week, Dean and you had figured out a routine on when he was able to teach you. Most of the time it was right after dinner when Sam would be caught up in a book and Bobby would pass out drunk at his desk.

The garage light was enough for you to see what you were doing, and far enough away from the house so they couldn’t hear you.

“Okay, so again,” Dean stated, making you follow his directions in the sequence as he rattled them off. “Left punch, right punch, left uppercut, and a right hook.”

You did as you were told, until he stated to go faster, and then faster again. Dean shook his head in disapproval as he watched. 

“You’re locking your arms too much,” he said as he gripped your right elbow. “You’re going to break something of yours, not theirs.”

His hands moved to reposition your arm, tickling a little as he touched your skin; making you flinch back with a giggle.

“Ticklish huh?” Dean smirked as his eyes grew wide.

“You wouldn’t dare,” you laughed, as you noticed the devilish look in his eyes. 

He reached over as you tried to move out of the way, and furiously tickled you all over in an instant. Your laughter echoed through the room as you tried to get away, but he was not stopping.

“Stop Dean! Stop,” you gasped out in between your laughter, tears now rolling down you eyes. “I’m going to piss myself!”

He continued with his own laughter as you twisted yourself and started to fumble backwards; grabbing onto his arms to bring him down as well as your back hit the ground. 

“Ow,” you laughed again, Dean propping himself up on his hands next to your sides, staring down with a grin. “See what you did?”

“Rule number one,” he smiled. “Know your opponents weak spots.”

“Uh huh, and where’s yours?” You smirked as you started to tickle his rib cage. 

Dean moved swiftly and pinned your hands down on the ground with a smirk. Your breath caught in the moment, with your chest rising and falling deeply to catch it. He stared down at you as you looked up to him. The feeling that arose was different, and by the looks on his face he was feeling it as well. He paused himself for a moment, before leaning down and pressing his lips onto yours gently. An act that surprised you at first, but it felt right. Your first kiss. Your first real kiss was happening with Dean on a dirty garage floor, but you didn’t care. You found yourself returning it, moving your lips along with his, opening them just a little as you felt his tongue glide across them. You didn’t really know what to do. It’s not like this was really covered in health class, but you glided your tongue with his, moving them together in sync. It felt smooth, sending a warm feeling down your body as you felt his hand now touching your face, bringing you closer and deeper into his.

“Whoa,” you heard Sam gasp aloud, causing you to both break away and look over at him in panic.

“What the hell Sam!” Dean yelled.

“So that’s what you two are doing,” Sam smiled. “You two are making out every night!”

“Get out of here Sam before I kick your ass!” Dean yelled again.

“Whatever,” Sam rolled his eyes. “Just don’t let Bobby, dad, or her uncle catch you. They just called.” They’re coming back.”

“He’s coming back?” You sat yourself up, knocking Dean back a little in your action. “When?”

“They said they’d be here after school tomorrow,” Sam answered. “So that probably means we will be moving on too.”

Dean sighed out loud and nodded as he stood up, shaking the dirt off of him before extending his hand to you to help you up. As you got up you felt the mixed feelings of dread and excitement. You were going to see your uncle again, but at the same time you were now probably going to lose Dean. You stared down to the ground as you followed the boys back into the house. Dean instructing Sam to keep his mouth shut about what he had seen. You went upstairs to your room, trying to ignore Dean’s glances as you shut the door and flopped down on the bed. The feeling of his lips still lingered on yours as you gentled touched them with your fingers. What was going to happen next?

You awoke from your deep sleep as you heard the sound of your door opening. Glancing at the clock it was just a little after midnight. You sat up and turned to see Dean walking in with a solemn look on his face. 

“Hey, didn’t mean to wake you,” he apologized.

“Yes you did,” you smiled in the dark room, the only light peaking through the curtains from the moon outside. 

“I just thought, since tomorrow we might be parting ways, maybe we should talk about what happened?” He nervously replied.

You nodded as he sat down on the edge of your bed, you sitting up straighter and pulling the covers up to your chest. You could see the hesitation in his face, unsure of what exactly to say. The silence was lingering, only growing with anticipation of what he was about to say fiercely within you. 

“I’m sorry Y/N,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”

 You were confused for a moment, but you laid your hand on top of his in reassurance.

“Hey, it’s alright,” you replied softly. “It was nice. Unexpected of course, but I don’t regret it.”

“I’ve just, I don’t know,” he paused again. “I just was trying to keep you away from knowing how I felt about you.”

“How do you feel about me?”

“I like you Y/N,” he confessed as he looked at you. “I mean, it's hard not to. You’re someone who genuinely cares about people, and I didn’t want you to get hurt when I had to leave again.”

“What makes you so sure that you will have to leave?” you asked. “I mean, maybe they’ll let us stay here for a little longer.”

“Doubt it,” he sighed. “You don’t know my dad. He won’t care. The only thing that matters to him is taking care of Sam and finding what killed my mom.”

“But what about you Dean? I’m sure he cares about you.”

Dean shook his head, you catching the sight of a lingering tear fall down his face. 

“I was happy once before, not too long ago. I had a semi normal life away from them with someone I cared about, but he didn’t care and I couldn’t leave Sammy.”

“Dean,” you found yourself reaching for his face to look at you. You searched in his face to find whatever guilt he was holding back. “Tell me what happened.”

He sighed again as you dropped your hand down. His eyes searching for an easy way to tell you, possibly scared at your reaction.

“You know how Sam told you I had screwed up on a hunt? Well that isn’t true. I got myself in trouble and found myself at a boy’s reforming home. I got to go to school, do normal teenage things, and I had met someone there that I think I might have loved.”

You just found yourself nodding, although the last part hurt just a little, but you could tell it was still something he was still hurting from. 

“Anyways, my dad showed up after months even though he knew where I was the whole time and made me come back. He was angry and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Then of course I thought of Sam. I’ve been protecting that kid my whole life. I couldn’t walk away from him.”

“I understand,” you whispered. “But Dean, you do know that you can be happy again. No one knows what tomorrow will bring.” 

“How is it that you always know the right thing to say?” he chuckled softly.

“Because I’m awesome,” you smirked back with a soft laugh. 

“Yeah, well I’m going to get back to my room before Sammy realizes that I’ve left,” he said as he started to get up, but you grabbed his hand to stop him.

“If this is really possibly the last night I get to see you, I don’t want you to go,” you confessed as you let your grip fall. “I don’t know exactly whatever it was that I felt earlier, but I don’t want to give it up yet.”

Dean looked deeply into your eyes as he moved to crawl under the covers with your assistance of pushing them back to allow him access. He laid his head down on the pillow next to you, gazing at you, moving the hair out of your face as you mirrored him. You nuzzled your face into his hand as he cupped your cheek. He was hesitant, but you moved your face closer to his. Biting your lip a little before you leaned in and felt his soft, full lips on yours once again. He followed your lead and before you knew it, you felt the same warmth as you did before now hitting harder as your lips moved together by the light of the moon. It was a feeling you never wanted to let go of as you pushed your lips on his harder. His hands now resting on you, one holding your head steady, the other caressing your hip. It tickled a little, the way his hand touched your skin, making you moan just a little, wanting more. His lips moved from yours, trailing along your skin and down to your neck as his hand moved from your hip to your heaving chest. Through your clothes you could feel him grasping your breast gently, not wanting to be rough. You didn’t  know exactly what had pushed you in the moment, but you pulled away from him and lifted off your shirt to leave your chest expose to him. You wanted to feel his skin against yours as he watched you with wonderment in his eyes before crashing his lips against yours once more. His hands were now all over you, feeling every inch of you as you continued. His lips moving to discover new spots on your body and the pleasure-filled reactions they ensued from you. It could have been only minutes that it continued, but it felt like forever until the kisses and touches started to slow down. Dean looked into your eyes, as he pulled away with a deep breath. 

“I think I love you Y/N,” he confessed. “And I don’t want us to do anything that neither of us are ready for just because we may never see each other again.”

“I think I might love you too Dean,” you smiled back. “And I agree with the one part, but I know this; we will see each other again. When we’re both ready, perhaps a bit older, things will be different.”

“You always know just the right thing to say,” he smiled again as he pulled you into his arms to lay your head on his chest.

“Goodnight Dean,” you yawned as you nuzzled into him. 

Dean placed a kiss on top of your head, not allowing himself to fall asleep right away. He wanted to hold on to this feeling just a little longer as well because tomorrow, he knew it was all going to change. 

“Jesus fucking christ,” you heard Bobby yell out loud, snapping you awake in an instant.

Dean sprung himself up from the bed, leaving you to cover yourself up with the blanket. A look of fear and panic in his eyes.

“What the hell is going on here?” Bobby demanded. 

Dean held out his hand to try and calm him down, but it was not working.

“Bobby, it isn’t what it looks like,” Dean pleaded. “We didn’t do anything. We were just talking and I fell asleep.”

“Her shirt was off, and you just fell asleep?” Bobby looked at Dean with disappointment. “Do I look like an idjit to you? Now the two of you get dressed, in your own rooms. You have school and then your dad and your uncle will be here after.”

“You’re not going to tell them are you?” you asked in a panic. 

Bobby glared at the fear in Dean’s and your eyes as you awaited his answer.

“I’m supposed to be watching the two of you, and Dean you know better,” he glared at him hard. “I for sure ain’t saying shit to them. But you listen to me, this stops now or so help me I will kick both of your asses into next Tuesday.”

“Yes sir,” you both nodded in reply, feeling a little sense of relief. 

“Now get dressed,” Bobby stated as he walked out the door. 

You took in a deep breath and exhaled out as you turned to Dean who was almost out the door. 

“Dean?”

“You heard him, get dressed,” Dean said gruffly before walking out, shutting the door behind him. 

Dean hadn’t said anything else to you as you silently ate your breakfast and on your way to school. He was completely ignoring you now, even when you tried to speak, he chose to go the other way or say something to someone else. How he was acting was hurt, but you tried to just let it go, knowing he probably was just protecting himself and you from what awaited when you walked through the door after school. 

You saw your uncle and John sitting there waiting with Bobby. None of their faces really looked happy. 

“Dad-“ you heard Sam say as he walked in behind you.

“Time to pack your bags boys,” he instructed. “We’re moving on.”

“Yes sir,” you heard Dean state as he started for the stairs.

“Where are you going?” You asked out loud, making them all look at you in disbelief that you would even question what was happening. 

“Say goodbye to Sam and Dean, Y/N,” Danny stated as he stood up and gave you a small hug. “It’ll be awhile before you see them again.”

“This is bullshit,” you exclaimed. “Why do any of them, any of us have to go anywhere? What to live in the back of a car or a crappy motel, not knowing if any of you will ever come back?”

“Danny, settle down that girl there,” John advised.

“No, fuck you, ya prick,” you spat out, causing his eyes to widen in surprise. “They’re happy here, we all are. Bobby may not be our family, but he’s been here. He is at least trying to give us a normal life. Why can’t you just leave us alone?”

You felt guilty after hearing your words leave your mouth, as you looked up to your uncle. He had tried to be there, he just couldn’t. You now realized why he had brought you here in the first place. He knew he couldn’t do everything you needed. He was really trying to give you the life you deserved. 

“I’m… I’m sorry,” you cried to your uncle before you ran out the door.

You plopped yourself down on the ground, tears flowing down your face. You heard the sound of gravel moving under someone’s steps, but you didn’t flinch. 

“That was some speech you gave in there,” John’s rough voice stated as he sat himself down next to you. “I can see you’ve really become attached to my boys and this place.”

You just nodded your head, feeling anger and resentment towards the man next to you.

“Me too,” he confessed. “That’s why they’re coming with me.”

You looked at him baffled, not understanding why he was even talking to you after what you just said.

“Your uncle is a strong man. One of the best guys I’ve ever known. He is doing right by you in letting you stay. I’m not as strong,” he sighed. “I need them around. I look at them and on my weakest days I can see my Mary in their faces. It’s what keeps me going as I try to figure out what happened to her.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I feel like everything has been sugar coated for you for probably way too long,” he replied. “What happened to her, what happened to your parents, well someone has to stop it.”

“My parents…”

“We’re not sure if it’s the same thing, but we sure as hell won’t stop until we find it and kill it,” he answered back. “I know it’s a tough life for all of you kids, but you’re getting older now. You should know. Dean, he has been in this for so long, he knows what is expected. Sam, well although I’d like to keep him out of it, this has been his whole life. This is just what happens. You say your goodbyes and move on.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“You will,” he smiled. 

You both heard the door of the house swing open and shut, Dean walking out with a green duffel bag with Sam behind him. He paused as he looked at you both, unsure of what was happening. John looked over at you and Dean staring at each other, as Dean put his head down and helped Sam into the car. 

“They’ll be alright Y/N,” John stated, making you turn your head to him. “And so will you.”

He got up from his spot and brushed the dirt off of him as he walked towards his sleek black car.

“You boys all set?” He asked. 

Dean nodded as he stood there with the car door open, looking at you with sadness in his eyes. John turned to see you doing the same as he opened up the drivers door.

“Let’s get a move on it,” he said as he sat himself inside.

Dean looked down again, before looking back to you. You mouthed the word ‘goodbye’ as he nodded and got inside the car. The trail of dust they had left behind took minutes to disappear, but as it went down slowly and was gone, you knew they were now as well.

John’s words with everything that had happened replayed in your head. ‘You will’ he said, and at that moment, you hadn’t realized or known just how true that really was.

Tags: (Let me know if you don’t want added!)   @snffbeebee​ @waywardnerd67​ @waywardbaby​ @dean-winchesters-bacon​ @jaylarkson​ @ladywinchester1967​ @wildefire​ @i-hear-crazy-calling-my-name @hobby27​ @iamabeautifulperson18​ @19agbrown​ @sonotalice​ @drakelover78​ @aloneanddesperate​ @pisces-cutie​ @biawol​ @jamielea81​ @fallininjapan​ @justkending​