#this isnt saying that these are the same and should be lumped together i just see a lot people being harassed or demonized

[hugh-lauries-bald-spot]

PSA

you cant call yourself a ND ally if you dont support people with bpd, npd, aspd, schizophrenia

[unlimitedbutchworks]

Apologies I phrased that very poorly, transfem/otherwise AMAB (not all AMAB nonbinary/genderqueer people identify as transfeminine which is why i use agab, but TMA would be more appropriate!) GQ experiences are different enough from AFAB (etc etc) or TME transgender ones to classify them as different things? Lumping both together under “transgender” widens the experience the term captures. the experience of transmisogyny is 90% of transphobia, I don’t believe transmascs face any systemic discrimination aside from reactive misogyny before passing, and most have extremely different experiences from transfems: Are they similar enough to be recognized as transgender in the same way? Or would another term be more appropriate. Something I’ve been thinking on for a while

ahh, i see, thanks for elaborating. while i get your meaning, i would disagree. i think its certainly true that trans experiences range pretty broadly across the spectrum and that transmisogyny is really extreme and probably the most numerous example of transphobia, but im not sure id go so far to say that it is wholly representative of transphobia; although id get pretty close, a lot of transphobia and bias is influenced heavily by transmisogyny or other generalized fear of transfemininity/failed masculinity, like a lot lot.

moreover, i worry that this kind of analysis could lead to overfocusing on some aspects of gender, and losing sight of other vital key parts to how gender is actively lived and enforced (such as class, race, culture, whole milieu). i also want to push back a bit on the "transmascs dont face systemic discrimination" because i just think its too black and white since they definitely do (not mentioning other axes of oppression here, though you should when thinking this out because systemic discriminations interact in many ways with transness), just sometimes less or in different ways than transfems/tma folks. as an example, trans women have been observed on avg to be paid 60% less than the avg worker (horrendous), trans men arent much above that being observed at 70% (referencing this). sure the gap sucks and is evidence of the privilege that comes with not being tma, but they’re also still getting screwed, right? i also dont think we need to chalk these issues they face up to misogyny imo, i think its more accurate to describe it as transphobia as its denying their worth based on their divergent gender

tl;dr, while this feels a little baity, transmascs are definitely also discriminated against and while they can (and do) perform terrible transmisogyny to transfems and completely not understand their transphobia due to their own unique trans situation (many such cases), as a whole we have more in common with each other than against each other, most importantly the value of trans liberation and a cuter future where gender isnt so big of a deal. but to be clear if you're a snake about trans women and fail again and again to confront and learn from your transmisogynistic biases, you are poisoning the well by spreading such ideas in the community

[hhawks]

how easy you are to need

✰ starring: jean kirstein x fem!reader ✰ synopsis: in which jean can't get hard to anything but you. ✰ content warnings: masturbation (m.), jean watches homemade porn of the two of u, kinda breeding kink ✰ word count: 1k

it’s been like this for hours.

jean just can’t keep an interest; not in any video, photo, lewd or anything. his cock’s whimpering for attention he isn’t willing to give, his pants and underwear shoved half-heartedly down his legs. his sheets are cold, his palms are sweaty, and he’s tired; tired of waking up alone to rough canvas next to him, tired of craving a touch he’s not entitled to.

it’s been weeks since the two of you broke up. something about how you just couldn’t handle so many things in your life, couldn’t reach up and take what you wanted with jean anchoring you to the ground. i still love you, you told him, pretty tears glossing over your eyes. i just need some time to myself.

he respected that. he loves you too, more than he will ever care to admit, and that’s why he stayed silent as he watched you leave. he loves you too, and that’s why every time his thumb hovers over the call button he stops it, and locks his screen.

he loves you so, so much, and that’s why he’s kept every video of the two of you in his phone, and plays it at times like these. times like these, with his half-hard cock in his hand and his mind hazy. no porn satiates him like these ones, where it’s him and it’s you together; the way it should be.

“it’s gonna fall!” he hears your voice and his chest aches, throat cinching. it happens every time, but he pushes through, swallowing the painful lump in his throat as he fixates his vision on you on the screen, grinning widely at the camera. “hi,” you waved.

“c’mere,” he heard himself say, watching as past jean hovered over your body, your legs curled up and locked behind his waist. he dipped down to kiss you, and he remembers what your lips taste like; honeyed sunlight, and all that was precious to him. “you ready?”

his hand curls around his dick now, cold against the flushed skin but he doesn’t care. he’s engrossed with the way you were nodding, giggling, “just put it in already!” and the way your gasp twisted into a high pitched moan as he pushed into you. fuck, you always felt so good, pussy always so greedy for his fat fucking cock. you were whining with every thrust, music to his ears now as he pumps his dick to the rhythm of his pumps.

“fuck, fu- right there! jean, fuck, you’re so good t’me,” you were babbling, arms thrown around his neck to bring him down to you. “kiss, i wann’ kiss.”

what he’d do to hear you say those words again.

his stomach is curling, hand almost cramping from the way he’s been holding his phone but his mind is only on you right now, the way your back arched into his thrusts, his hand braced on the headboard that he leans back on now, pushing impossibly deeper into you. he’s ruining you, like he’s always promised to.

“s’good, isnt it baby?” past jean said. “i’m fuckin’ you so good, your pussy’s addicted to me. look at it, you’re suckin’ m’in princess, fuck.”

“yes, yes-- fuck! daddy, you fuck me s’good.”

his heart stops, but his hand on his dick pumps ever faster. he’s ruined you, he knows, but in the same way, you’ve ruined him. now all he wants- all he’ll accept- is you, your perfect body, your pretty pussy, your breathy whines that call his name and only his name. he’s bucking his hips into his hand, entranced by the video still, eyes never leaving you.

“fuck-- daddy’s got you, daddy’s gonna ruin you.” little breaths are leaving his mouth in gasps now, eyes squeezing shut as the burn in his stomach intensifies. “gonna cum in you, give you my babies, yeah? wan’ me to make you a mommy?”

he’s muttering the words along, imagining its your silky, drooling pussy that’s fucking him instead of his clumsy hand. you’ve always been so good for him, warm and wet and he swears he’s found god in your pussy every night he’s inside you. he’s chasing his high now, trying to stall until past him cums.

“yes! yes, yes, yes, yes, want it so bad. wanna be with you forever, jean, love you s’much!” his heart burns at the words, and he can feel the pinprick tears building up behind his eyes. fuck, fuck. he wants you, needs you now, the lewd sounds of his hand pumping his leaking cock nowhere near as heavenly as the whines you were letting out as he kissed your cervix with every thrust. “gonna cum, cum ‘l over your cock daddy!”

“go ahead, princess,” the strain in his voice was telling enough of his oncoming release, but like he is now, he stalled it, waiting for you to cream around his cock before he painted your walls white. “cum for me, come on. cum.”

the sound of your high, his name littered in the chorus of moans you let out, brings him to his finish now. tears spill, warm tracks down his cheeks as he whispers your name in his oblivion. he cums into his hand, egged on by your soft babbles and cries in the video, making a mess of himself all over the empty bed.

he shuts off his phone, the video cutting off abruptly as he flings it to the floor. he’s crying. why is he crying? he’s never been one to cry, never been one to succumb to weakness, but as he cleans himself off, wiping away sticky cum and residual shame, he cries. he cries for you, for the empty sheets next to him, for the kindling future you had promised him that has since fizzled to wet ash. he lets himself cry, lets himself admit that he needs you again, with him, beside him, forever.

as he sleeps, he dreams of a life where he can need you without tearing his heart in two.

[matan4il]

Have you or anyone else paralleled the exact same ways Buck saving Christopher and Eddie exactly match each other. The fireman hold and even Buck saying "I got you" the exact same way. It makes me wonder if it was always gonna lead to mirroring Eddie getting shot.

And I know I know. Shippers can reach and sometimes we read to much. But there is without a doubt to many parrales in the shooting and language used with Eddie, Bucky and even Christopher to not have artistic meaning.

Another thing that bugs me is they purposely havent been in each others house on screen for us to see. There was no reason to do the balcony shot that way, or have Buck stand outside the party. I really believe it's to create tension with the audience. Or even have Eddie tell Buck separately he was leaving. Its not like they havent had way more intimate discussions before. Like why lump Ravi and Buck together in that scene as if there isnt a clear distinction between them and their relationship with Eddie.

Hi Nonnie! ^u^ Thank you for this ask!

Yeah, I def think there are too many ties and connections with Buck, Eddie and Chris from the start. TBH, if it were just the way Buck saved Chris vs the way he saved Eddie, I would have been willing to dismiss it. Because it could be down to Buck just being super consistent in how he approaches saving people, you know? But there's no way to dismiss any of it when the fact is that there are a million parallels and connections that by all means should have been Eddie and Christopher's alone, as a family unit, and yet they extend to Buck as well. That is undeniably powerful.

I honestly don't know if they thought of s4's finale when they were planning s3's opener... I have no doubt that they planned a whole arc for s3, start to finish, that they peppered in elements for future seasons (like introducing Ana) and that they had a general idea in mind for why they wanted those elements. Did they have the specifics of the shooting in mind already? Maybe. But I very much doubt they actually sat down and planned the s4 arc at the same time as the s3 one. So I tend to think that when it came time to flesh out those elements (what Eddie's r/s with Ana was meant to teach him and how to get it there), they could have looked back at s3 and used it as the basis to create meaningful parallels that would serve that purpose...

LOL Oh, poor Ravi! He's so done with being dragged into the 118, and especially Buddie's mess. "You two figure out your divorce on your own, stop making dramatic announcements in front of me, trying to pretend this isn't just you waiting for the other guy to say you're stuck with him. Seriously, see a gay marriage counselor. I can get you a number if you want!"

Sorry for the length, thank you again for the ask Nonnie and please have a look at my ask tag if you're looking for another ask reply. xoxox

[obsessive-ego]

Talking in you sleep

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Reader says Beetlejuice's name 3 times in their sleep, but hes already in their home

Sfw

Idk been thinking about this for ages

Just a small fic

It was an accident

It was no secret to anyone that you talk in your sleep, not full sentences, just a word or two, nothing too abnormal, you didn't know about this little quirk of yours until a certain foul mouthed undead demon wormed his way into your life, he was the one who told you.

...

"Ya know you chatter on in your sleep?" He'd  chuckle as if he found something truly embarrassing to bug you about.

"How'd you know? Am I that loud you can hear me in the livingroom?"

"Nah, I watch you sleep" he said it so plainly as if it wasnt super creepy.

The ghoul eventually upped his late night habits from watching you sleep, to sleeping in the same bed as you, he did this so often you stopped setting up the couch for him and just accepted your fate to be spooned every night by a creepy old dead guy who you may or may not have a crush on

...

The nights you've babbled in your sleep always brought on annoying mornings of beetlejuice teasing you, probably lying through his teeth over how you moan his name in you sleep to get you worked up for his own amusement, unfortunately you couldnt prove you didnt since your dreams never really stuck with you long after waking.

Hell with your late night chatter you even manged to summon beej once in your sleep, a night he was spending over at the Deetz, you manged to say his name 3 times in a row, spoken, unbroken, in your sleep, and boy was your face red when you woke up and saw the bastard in question sitting inches from your face with the widest shit eating grin you've ever seen on his face, that was an instance you couldnt deny saying his name in your sleep and dreaming about him, you missed him, of course you think about the demon when you two are apart, even the few days he's with the Deetz and the maitlands.

Tonight wasnt one of those nights, beetlejuice has spent the entire day glued to your side, chatting your ear off about all the scares he and lydia pulled in your absence, his stories always made you smile, the way he practically glowed green with excitement as he retold his showmanship to you.

The night went on with bad jokes and fun stories as the demon filled you in on all the fun you missed while you were doing boring adult breather things and how the two of you should mess with some unlucky breathers so he could show you how amazing he truly was, as if you needed proof that the ghoul was a ham who loved to show off.

As the two of you sat on the couch laughing away, forgetting the movie that basically became White noise to your conversation, a yawn escapes your lips

"Getting tired babes? Am I really that boring" the ghoul teased pinching you cheek

You groan and pull away "well, yeah, unlike you mister freeloader, I worked all day" you shrug before letting out another yawn

"Freeloader? Oh sugar, your words hurt" the ghoul fakes hurt, giving you an over exaggerated gasped face, with his hands over where a person's heart would be "I thought we had the mutual understanding that I was your trophy husband"

You give the demon a soft laugh "you wish-"

"Every night baby~" he purrs pink stripes slowly appearing in his hair

You freeze, it wasnt uncommon for beetlejuice to openly flirt with you, but that doesnt mean it didnt make you freeze up everytime, you werent exactly the type people lined up to date, nor were you very popular growing up, so the sudden and intense attention the demon gave you always made your heart pound.

"Uh, um, I think I'm gonna head to bed" you stammer before getting up "night beej" you mumble before disappearing into your bedroom.

The demon stifles a laugh, god slash satan you were a delight to get worked up, not to mention easy. He loved it, his favourite little breather was always so hot when they were an embarrassed mess.

The ghoul decides to finish the movie the two of you had on in the background, before heading to bed with you, he didn't need to sleep, just enjoyed being snuggled up to that soft warm body of yours, and it was more rewarding to sneak in after you were out cold, bed would be already warm, and with the added thrill of not wanting to wake you.

As the credits roll beetlejuice snaps his fingers and tv goes dark, the ghoul raises from the couch and gives a yawn and a long stretch as if he was exhausted. The demon makes his way to your room, standing outside your door he pauses at the sound of your voice

"Beetlejuice"

It was soft, barely audible, but herd it, guess you were still up, beetlejuice phases through your bedroom door, to be greeted by your sleeping form.

He stifled a chuckle, you were dreaming of him, tomorrow was gonna be great, the ghoul was already busy thinking about ways to poke fun at this in the morning, moaning out his name in you sleep? What kind of dream were you having babes? He could see your face now.

"Beetlejuice" you mumble again in a whisper

"Whoa there babes, you know the rule, one more time and I'm out" he whispers making his way to your bed.

"Beetlejuice" you sigh

"Y/N!" was the the only thing he had time to shout before vanishing.

His shout was enough to make wake you, but not enough to clue you in to what you just did, you grumble out a swear before rolling over and going back to sleep.

The next morning you wake up, a tad confused to not have a snoring dead guy weighing you down, normally on nights beetlejuice would stay over he'd slip into bed with you after you've fallen asleep, using your chest as a pillow.

You dont think much of it at first, heading to the kitchen to make some coffee before getting dressed, you did notice there was no beej there either, waiting for you kettle to boil you give your little home a quick sweep for the demon, nothing.

He's vanished to do his own thing before, he was a grown man, sometimes he'd duck out and mess with the neighbors in your apartment complex, but he would at least leave you a note or something.

You started to worry, what if something awful happened to him? Then it clicked, lydia must had summoned him away to hang out, that had to be it, and with that thought all dread left you so you could carry on with your day, since bj wasnt around you took the opportunity to get a few odds and ends done.

The day drags on into the late evening, you were enjoying the peace as you catch up on some reading.

Your phone rings, looking at the screen you see its lydia, that's odd, she normally texts you if anything

"Hello?"

"Y/n I need to ask beetlejuice something"

"Isnt he with you?"

"What? No-"

Dread returns to you chest, you havent seen him since last night, he left no note, he wasnt with lydia, did something awful happen? was he bored with you? You felt like you were going to be sick

"Y/n?"

"I gotta go" was all you could say before hanging up,

"Beetlejuice!"

Nothing

"Beetlejuice!"

Again nothing, he normally came after the second yell, anxiety for your dear friend make you since to your stomach in fear for the worst, you steady yourself and take a deep breath and say it for a third time

"Beetlejuice"

With a puff of green smoke there stood the ghoul, unfortunately sporting a purple hue

"Bee-"

"It took you that long to notice I was gone?"

"No, I-"

"Why did it take so long then? Enjoying your time without me?!" Red streaks began to show up amongst the purple

"I thought lydia summoned you back-"

"And you waited till now to check?!"

"I DIDNT WANT TO BOTHER THE TWO OF YOU" you yelled back, beetlejuice is taken abck by your volume, you take a deep breath "if I knew why you were gone I would have said something sooner, what happened?" You say calmly gently taking the demon's hand, red now fading away, though the purple stayed

"You sent me away, you said my name 3 times in your sleep and sent me back to the netherworld" he refused to look at you as if you did this on purpose to mess with him.

"Bee, I'm sorry, I would have never done that on purpose, i- i love having you around, and I, god, i miss you when you're not here, with me" now it was your turn to refuse eye contact, admitting such a cheesy thing, you wanted to just die, not that it would help.

The purple hue is quick to leave the ghoul's form in replacement with a much softer pink, you missed him, music to his ears.

"Sugar" beetlejuice grabs your chin and forces eye contact

You give him a soft smile seeing that he was no longer purple, but also when he pulls you into a rather over exaggerated dip and sloppy kiss "so how bout we make up for some lost time and you can make this little misunderstanding up to me, what do you say babes?~"

You only stutter and choke on your words as the demon spins you around

"Would you like to scare some delivery guy and watch a bad slasher?" You finally get out

The demon pauses for a moment, as if to think about this offer.

"Normally I'd be delighted honey, but I think you owe me~ how bout you have to sit on my lap the entire film~" he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at you, you swallow the lump in your throat, this was gonna be a long night

Bonus

The two of you were snuggled together on the couch, Beetlejuice's arms were around your waist, his head on your shoulder, your bum on his lap.

"So babes, whatever you dreaming about last night?"

[juni-ravenhall]

about the whole constant ssoblr problem with criticising the game vs ppl disliking that others criticise the game...

its totally fine if u dont criticise sso. its totally fine if u dont read other ppls posts criticising sso. nobody ever said u have to do that. if u feel that constructive criticism, which other ppl enjoy and see as something positive and cool, feels negative to u, then thats ok - it isnt negative, but u might not be able to change that emotional reaction ur having for now.

but its not fine to get aggressive or judgmental about other ppl fairly criticising the game? thats the problem, dont act like ppl are being negative or angry or hateful when they arent. just bc u interpret criticism as emotionally negative doesnt mean other ppl do. some do, some dont.

nobody asks u to interact with every single post on ssoblr, or to watch every single sso youtube vid, or whatever. if u dont like seeing sso criticism then dont look at it. scroll past those posts, dont click on those vids. focus on what makes u happy and prioritise the things u enjoy in life. 

as ive said a lot, ppl criticising sso (or any media) arent harming anyone, its healthy and good to be critical and analytical (but that doesnt mean u have to do it if u dont feel like it). however, when ur judgmental or upset towards other ppl for criticising media, ur targetting other humans, not a product, which is very different. thats why “if u dont like seeing me whine about other ppl then dont look at my posts, its the same thing!!” doesnt work - criticising media isnt the same thing as being judgmental towards other ppl. “ur hypocritical bc u dont respect others opinions!!” - when other ppls opinions are unhealthy (targetting ppl who dont harm anyone with negative judgments and attitudes) im going to disagree with that, yeah. there are behaviours that are healthy vs unhealthy. 

if ur opinion is “sso is objectively a perfect game with no flaws” im also going to disagree bc its objectively untrue, but that doesnt mean ur not allowed to think that sso is perfect for you. its just not perfect for every player, and u should be aware of that and respect that others feel differently (aka not be weird about it when ppl criticise the game). “i love sso as it is but i understand that not everyone does and thats ok” is a healthy take, as is “i dont like sso as it is but its fine if some ppl do”, and “i like sso but i really wish these things in it were different and its ok if other ppl think otherwise”. generally speaking, i havent seen any critical ppl on ssoblr say “youre not allowed to like the game bc i think its bad”, or “everyone has to agree with the changes i want in the game”.

when ppl say “sso is a bad game, i like it but i really wish it was better” we’re not saying that ur not allowed to feel differently, or that ur stupid for liking the game (which would be weird bc we like it too...). nobody is targetting YOU with that criticism. there are times when ppl criticise the dev team unfairly, tho - but its not most ppl, and projecting that behaviour on everyone who criticises the game doesnt make sense. (dont lump ppl together as if everyone thinks and acts the same.)

all in all ssoblr (and most fandoms) just has this one ongoing problem of ppl who dont want to see media criticism having an emotional reaction to other ppl posting media criticism. its very easy to fix. just stay aware that ur emotional reaction to something other ppl do, when its not something harmful or negative, is on you, and that u shouldnt judge others for doing things that arent harmful. they just have different interests than you and different emotions. scroll past the stuff u dont like and dont judge others or make fun of others for no reason. (everytime u get annoyed by someone, ask urself “did they actually do anything bad or are we just different?”)

[liquidstar]

im not really heavily involved in this discourse so sorry if ive missed some major stuff, but all the post ive seen floating around my dash about tone indicators float to some very severe extremes? like

some posts are like “tone indicators and using them at all is inherently abelist, because youre talking down to neurodivergent people while also expecting them to memorize a bunch of letters all at once, and effectively making a whole new set of social rules for them to follow, effectively defeating the purpose” while other posts counter with “being critical of tone indicators is inherently ableist, because theyre incredibly helpful since many neurodiversity people have a hard time parsing the intent and tone of things, especially over text, and these put people at ease and help them avoid miscommunications and confusion” 

and i have to say that i agree with both sides to a degree here, but the issue is that they’re both such all-or-nothing approaches to the issues at hand. because you simply cant over-generalize the needs of ALL neurodiverse people, one person may need it as a helpful accessibility tool, while to another it may make things more complicated and inaccessible. denying it to the first person is unhelpful at best, while forcing it on the second person is patronizing at best. and downright abelist at worst, in both cases. and both people in question are very much on the same side here and should not be arguing about who deserves to have their needs met- they both do!

in cases like this all you have to do is listen to people on the individual level, what do they need, and how can you help them out. communicate with your friends and mutuals and all that, be courteous to the individual and dont lump everyones needs together. and when you’re making public posts, just keep it general. in some cases the joke is super obvious and i agree that you dont have to talk down to neurodiverse people by over-using tone indicators, but if you feel there’s still room for any ambiguity at all just use the common ones like /j and /s and /nbh, or casually say “this isnt about anyone here by the way” or “just kidding lol” or whatever feels natural. its really not this super complicated thing. stick to the simple general stuff to avoid making it difficult for people who cant keep up with tone indicators, while still making it easy for the people who need them.

though i do agree that giving people a list of stuff to memorize overnight really is is incredibly inaccessible to many people (like im dyslexic among other things, im not memorizing all these new letters even if i tried lol) but you dont HAVE to do that, just use the ones that are already common and that people have been using for many years. these arent a new thing that twitter invented, reddit has been using /j and /s to indicate tone completely divorced from the concept of neurodivergency for years, simply because it can be hard to tell over text sometimes for anyone. so its nice to make your intent clear, especially for people who dont know you and cant parse it quite as easily.

and at the end of the day this whole issue could be sidestepped super easily through communication. if we communicate with each other about our needs, pay attention to our friends and communicate with them in a way where we’re both on the same page, and communicate with each other on a larger scale too. instead of making discourse posts that vague other discourse posts and getting half the idea out there, we could talk about it together and come to a mutual understanding of what everyone needs, and understand that not everyone needs the same thing as we do. accessibility and neurodiversity isnt a monolith, what may make things more accessible to some may make things less accessible to others, so lets look at things on a case-by-case basis and just respect each others needs, okay?

[mlm-mod-taka]

Hi mod taka! 🌹 anon again qwq. Can I please request Hajime and Shuichi breaking up with they're s/o hcs? (gn reader, seperate)

No pressure though^^ Sorry for bothering you TvT.

BREAKING UP HCS • hajime, shuichi x gn reader

hi, 🌹 anon! i dont think ive ever done angst breaking up hcs, so please excuse me if this isnt that good. and dont worry! none of you bother me at all, i love talking to all my anons. i hope you enjoy these hcs!

tws/cws: breaking up, falling out of love & angst.

|| -> mod taka <3

he'd never think that he would want to break up with you so willingly, but lately things have been really weird between you two.

the main reason he wants to break up is because he most likely fell out of love. its a thing that happens to most people in an early relationship, and its understandable. youre both so young, after all.

hajime just... feels so guilty. hes the one that fell for you first, so why was he feeling like this? why didnt he have all those butterflies in his stomach when he first liked you?

thinks long and hard about this, his first approach was that he was just gonna wait it out. maybe hes just been feeling ill recently, his feelings should come back eventually.

they didnt, to say the least. in fact, his feelings are more lost than ever after waiting for them to come back. its been a month of faking his love and affection for you, and he didnt know what to do anymore.

he vents about this to chiaki, and she says that its a normal thing that happens to most young relationships. later that night, hajime googles if its okay to feel like this, and searches what other people did in this scenario.

after researching the two sides of leaving the relationship and staying, he decides that its probably best for you two to breakup. it hurts his heart to picture someone he loved to be lonely, but he'd rather end it early before the feeling got worse.

apparently, most of the results with people who stayed were that they started to resent their partners. either that or they started to distance themselves from their lovers, to the point where they would be away from them for days at a time.

these results all resulted in painful and harsh breakups, and all the people that went through this agreed that they should have just ended it earlier before it got so out of hand.

he sighed into his hand. he really was going to have to break up with you. but, he'd rather have this end early with less pain, than end it later with more.

the next day, he asks you to meet him at the side of the school after class. when you meet up with him, he looks exhausted and upset. you immediately started asking if he was okay, since he looked horrible and you havent seen him physically all day.

he says hes fine, and after a few seconds of a very tense silence, he mutters the words "i want to... break up." you didnt know if you heard it right at first. so you asked him to repeat.

he repeats, and you were right. he said it. you could feel a lump start to form in your throat as you asked why, and he quickly explains everything whats been happening with him.

you were fully sobbing, and he tried to help you, but he realized that he probably lost that priviledge since he wasnt your boyfriend anymore.

you cant say that you dont understand, because you do. youve heard of this happening in other relationships, so you put on a smile and say youre thankful that he told you before it got serious.

he nods, and watches you say goodbye to him, walking away from him, now out of his life. this sight should've hurt him, but it didnt. and thats the part that hurt him. why did it have to end like this?

i feel like he would break up with you because of the future. shuichi doesnt really see a future with you two together, and at first he thought that was normal for everyone.

he quickly learned that it wasnt, everyone else in a relationship planned to marry each other, have kids, work in the same fields together, live together and the list goes on.

but, he really didn't see that. in fact, he actually saw a really vivid future without you, and that worried him for a bit. why couldnt he see you and him together in the future?

he just brushed it off as something that wasnt that big of a deal, and continued to be in a relationship with you. everything was going well, until you brought up the proposal of living together to him.

it made him anxious, and it was obvious. he liked his privacy and alone time, so maybe that was why he was so nervous about it. yup. that had to be it. nothing more, nothing less.

he still felt an intense love for you, unlike hajime, but something about the way he loved you was... different. when kaito asked him to describe what he felt for you, he thinks that he felt this sort of, temporary love with you. he never said that to kaito, though.

your relationship felt like this great and happy thing that will eventually lose its passion and he could easily move on from it, he never sees you two as a long term couple.

shuichi got worried again. it was clear to him that this probably wasnt something that everyone else felt. it wasnt exactly fear of commitment either, no. it was something much more different, but he didnt know how to describe it.

is up for nights at a time, trying to think of a way to describe how he feels. its clear that he hasnt been doing too well, he often goes to school and is much more quiet than normal. you also got this weird feeling that hes been avoiding you, but you ignored it, that couldnt be true, right?

eventually, it hits him. he doesnt really see value in your relationship. thats not to say that its completely pointless, it has made him very happy time and time again, but he doesnt get anything other than love and affection from the relationship.

doesnt think that you guys being together will last forever, and hes always subconsciously known that. he doesnt see anything he can gain while being in a relationship with you.

sure, he gains love, but nothing else like the other couples in the school. they have learned lessons, morals, different point of views, developed new habits, but thats never happened with him and you.

shuichi almost wishes that he didnt realize this, because now that he has, he feels the need to break things off before you started to get hurt from his thoughts and ideologies.

asks you two to meet in the fountain of the school in the middle of the night, and he explains that he still loves you, but doesnt want to hurt you, which is why hes doing what hes doing.

you dont understand why hes saying this at first, so you ask what he means by that, and he responds with "what im saying is, i think its better that we break up right now."

now it makes sense. the avoiding, how silent he was, and the explaination he said at the beginning. normally, you'd tell him that the feeling would pass, and that you didnt have to break up over something like this, but its very clear that hes made up his mind, and you cant do much other than to accept it.

you were crying, but it was soft and understanding. you nodded and said that you had a great time with him, wishing him the best in life, before walking back to your dorm. this hurt him, but he knows its for the best, he just wishes that it couldve been different. maybe in another world.

[kartakyber]

thinking about disney's raya and the last dragon... a bunch of people have talked about this already but it just pisses me off how that film was originally gonna be directed by 2 white men and the script was written by 1 white woman.... and it wasnt until a few months later that they hired adele lim and qui nguyen to "retouch" the script

... why the hell were asian people Not the first people you contacted to write the script? why were they the after thought?

the current directors arent even asian

none of Disney's animated films that feature a non-white lead were headed by people who are part of the culture that those films are supposed to represent. i mean, taika waititi wrote the original script for moana, and then they didnt even go with that one. the final script was written by white people

then you have awkwafina voicing the secondary lead and she's not even southeast asian. i know whether or not it's ok for asian people to play characters of different asian ethnicities is a debate... but if you're gonna do a movie that's based on ~*The Entirety of SouthEast Asia Lumped Together*~, and you're also not gonna be accurate to the aesthetics of traditional southeast asian dress, the very least you can do is give opportunities to southeast asian voice actors by having the entire voice cast be southeast asian. like awkwafina is doing well for herself does she actually Need this role

and ok on the topic of asian people playing other asian ethnicities. im not gonna hold it against asian actors for taking those roles because roles for asian people are limited and they gotta do what they gotta do, i get it. but the thing is "white people can play american, british, australian, etc., etc." isnt the same thing because the homogenization of white people and "white culture" is the fault of white people. they fucking did that to themselves. if they think it's a problem then they go ahead and fix that

whereas the view that asian people are the same and interchangeable is a result of white people not bothering to learn the differences. like i dont think the solution here is "because white people do it, i think asian people should take the roles that couldve gone to other asian people who could more accurately portray the role", it should be "write more asian characters/stories so that we dont feel like we have to fight and clamber over each other for them"

it's just really weird for like, for instance, a japanese actor being frustrated that they cant play a korean character because that limits their roles.... as if getting that role wouldnt be taking away a job that a korean actor, whose options are just as limited, couldve gotten? it's a messed up way of thinking.

this got long but im just so frustrated! like i cant say im surprised. it's disney. but this film was in development in 2018 and why are we still here, why is this still a thing thats happening

like im sure the film itself will be entertaining, pretty much every disney animated feature film is at the very least a fun little kids' romp, im not saying the movie is gonna unwatchable garbage. i am happy for Kelly Marie Tran because disney owes her after the mess that was star wars. and I'm happy for the SEA kids who will get to see people who look like them in a disney film.

but disney is rich. they can afford to do better and we deserve better

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

Side Tracks opinions part 1: Janus

(Yes I’m staring with Janus and going backwards, I just need to talk about this snake man right now!)

Alright, I’ve seen lots of people give their takes on each of the sides playlists, and honestly... I feel like they’re not all that similar to my interpretations. I mean yes anyone can interpret the songs how they’d like, but some people just flat out ignore canon to see the songs as their ship instead of what I believe they are actually meant to be seen as. Anyways... Janus! Yes let’s go through each song one by one 💛

1) Black Hole Sun: I’ll admit this one was hard for me. The song is obviously so Janus, with plenty of references to snakes and lying, but I can’t seem to put a finger on the exact meaning. If I had to guess, it’s showing Janus’ fist instance of fearing society. He’s realized that the world is not a safe place for Thomas and no one can be trusted (“Times are gone for honest men” “no one sings like you anymore”). He longs for the ignorance of childhood when society didn’t seem to pose a threat and Thomas wasn’t aware of the dangers and lies it held, but he knows that someone has to protect him from it, and that is Janus (“my youth I pray to keep” “hang my head, drown my fear”).

2) Seemed the Better Way: To me, this is a song about Janus knowing his place as a dark side and knowing that the others will not listen to him (“I better hold my tongue” “better take my place”). He initially trusts the core sides to do what needs to be done and take care of Thomas adequately, but when he realizes that it isnt enough, he finds it hard to keep in hiding (“Seemed the better way” “now it’s much too late to turn the other cheek”).

3) Anywhere: A BIG middle finger to society (“It’s a beautiful world, if youve been lied to” “No no no, nothing in this world is beautiful”). Janus basically trusts no one in society, not even the people closest to Thomas because he believes that everyone will do whatever it takes to get what they want (“Every man standing on another man’s back”). He also believes that society has been a huge detriment to Thomas and, AGAIN, is very dangerous (“It’s the world’s excuse for being disfigured and lying to you”).

4) Talking at the same time: This song is about Virgil. The song begins with explaining that a hard time for one person can be a triumph for another in multiple different metaphors (“Umbrellas cost more in the rain” “hard times for some, for others its sweet” “someone makes money when theres blood in the street”). The next part of the song practically shoves it in your face that it’s about virgil leaving (“Well she told me she would leave me, I ignored all the signs” “I know you're leaving and there's no more next time”). Janus was clearly hurt by Virgil leaving and it seems like he was almost in denial about it happening. A line near the end of the song that I found particularly interesting was “Well we bailed out all the millionaires, They've got the fruit, We've got the rind”. This line to me shows that Janus and the other dark sides let Virgil go, possibly in an attempt to get all of the dark sides accepted. Virgil capitalized on this opportunity and of course, got accepted, however, he left the others behind. Despite wanting Virgil to get accepted by the light sides, Janus remains bitter that Virgil was the only one. Virgil got the fruit, and the rest of the dark sides got the rind.

5) All the Good Girls go to Hell: Janus believes that Thomas needs to listen to him if he is going to stay safe and healthy. He thinks that his assistance, above all other sides, expecially Patton, is crucial for survival in this messed up world. (“And once the water starts to rise, And heaven's out of sight, She'll want the devil on her team” “Look at you needing me”). You’ll find it a common theme in this playlist that Janus refers to himself as the devil or an evil entity of some sort... Just thought I’d point that out.

6) Denial: Well, its in the title folks! Thomas is (or was) in denial. Janus is aware of the moments when Thomas thinks about consulting him or using one of his functions, but almost as soon as he gets the idea, he drops it and acts like the thought never happened (“Don't just shut your eyes closed” “You know that I can hear you thinking, I've heard you all the way from here, But if I look you in the eye though, It's like your thoughts all disappear”). Thomas is struggling for answers to questions that only Janus can answer, but he refuses to listen to consult him and Janus desperately wants this to stop (“I know you're looking for direction, I know where you wanna go” “Please don't turn the light out, I don't think the conversation's over”).

7) Trust in Me: Obviously, the original song has much more sinister undertones, but when listening to the song from Janus’ perspective, I get a different vibe. Basically, Janus just wants Thomas to trust him and give him more reign over decision making. Not much for this one.

8) Razzle Dazzle: JANUS IS EXTRA! Is anyone shocked? Also a HUGE showman. But again, no one’s surprised. Janus believes that the only way to get the light sides to listen to him is to practically put on a show to cover up whatever his true intentions are (“How can they see with sequins in their eyes?” “Razzle dazzle 'em And theyll never catch wise!” “How can they hear the truth above the roar?”) I could keep listing lines but theyre literally all just different versions of the same sentiment.

9) When the Chips are Down: The title right off the bat shows that, again, Janus believes that Thomas needs to look to him when important decisions are on the line. There are also a lump sum of jabs at patton in this song, lines like “Aim for the heart, shoot to kill” and “Cast your eyes to heaven, You get a knife in the back”. Theres also a lot of lines, yet again, of Janus practically begging Thomas to trust him and no one else (“Ain't nobody but yourself to trust” “Help yourself, To hell with the rest, Even the one who loves you best”).

10) Mandy goes to Med School: Soooo this one... Honestly, I don’t really have a lot. The original meaning of the song is not very applicable to Janus, so its a bit hard to pinpoint its meaning. The only thing I can think of is that Janus is again hating on society and the crazy things that people have to go through in it. If you weren’t aware, this song is about coat-hanger abortions.

11) I put a Spell on You: This one seems pretty striaghtforward to me. Janus knows that Thomas doesn’t want him, and it drives him up the wall, but he does what a snake boi does and slithers his way in anyways (“And I don't care if you don't want me, I'm yours right now” “I can't stand it 'cause you put me down”). I suppose you could argue that you could replace Thomas with Patton (mostly because daddy is used like 10 times in the song 😂) but a later song covers their realtionship extremely well.

12) Evil Night Together: Another toughie. My gut feeling is that this is a song about Remus and Janus just going out and having a wild night together. As I read into the lyrics more, though, it seems almost like Janus is doing this for Remus. Like he wants Remus to feel accepted and loved by him (something that can’t be said by Thomas). I just can’t read some of these lines without getting big Momceit vibes... i mean... theyre so supportive! “I'll hold your hand while they drag the river” “I'll cuddle you in the undertow” “I'll hold you close while they dust for prints”. Then theres of course this line... “Who's gonna make you a hero?” And to me, that is Janus saying that, if Thomas only sees Roman as his hero and not Remus, then it is Janus’ job to make Remus feel like a hero. Janus also saying “No need for cake or flowers” also feels like him reassuring Remus that he doesn’t need to be like his brother to be perfect and loved.

13) Don’t tell Mama: I think I’ve seen some people interpreting “mama” as Thomas in this song, but to me Patton seems like a better fit, especially after their interactions in the most recent episode. Basically this song is all about how Janus doesn’t mind people knowing about the bad things he does, but he can absolutely not have one person know. Janus seems to have grown a soft spot for Patton in the new episode and if you ask me, he would definately not want patton finding out about some of immoral things he’s wanted Thomas to do. I mean he literally waits for Patton to sink out and then the second he’s gone he starts scheming about pushing people down stairs and sabotage.

14) You’re a Cad: Another Virgil one, but this time it’s after Virgil’s acceptance. I think Janus has little faith in the beginning that Virgil would get far in his journey to the light side. Whether that is because of envy or just plain pessimism, I’m not sure, but he definately doubted Virgil would ever be able to escape his past (“So now you want the whole world to notice that you've come around, Now you expect, We'll see how you're really so much better now, But I know the truth” “What's the point pretending that you could be a better man, Just give in, since you always end up right back where you began”). Despite his reluctance to support Virgil’s endevors, Janus shows a softer side for Virgil that has gone completely untalked about in canon (“You're a rascal and a rogue, a villain and a crook, Still I tug at your line, I'm a fish on your hook” “Still I know the truth, but I have a sweet tooth for a Cad and a bounder, a dog and a cheap”). Janus really misses Virgil and I would go as far as to say that he regrets the things that he’s done to make Virgil want to leave (“I should be better, but I'm worse” “You're reckless with my heart, still I wait by the phone”).

15) As far as I can See: A sadie but a goodie. Janus doesn’t really understand love, but he’s sure that no one loves him (“As far as I can see Nobody loves me”). No one listens to him, no matter how much he shouts and cries. He doesn’t believe that anyone could love him if they are unwilling to hear him out and communicate with him (“As far as I can see, Nobody's listening” “And when I'm crying out, Nobody cries back for me”).

16) Criminal: AH MY FAVORITE SONG ON THE PLAYLIST! I LEGIT CRIED MY GUYS! Anyway. Janus LOVES Thomas. I would go as far to say that Janus loves Thomas more than any other side. Despite his lacking knowledge of love and what it feels like, he knows for a fact that what he feels for Thomas is the closest thing he will feel to love (“Because he's all I ever knew of love”). Now that thats out of the way, lets get to the juicy stuff... Janus feels like a criminal as he’s been taught over and over again that his opinions and thoughts are bad and harmful (“Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal” “I've done wrong and I wanna suffer for my sins”) This song is ultimately about Janus wanting to improve for Thomas, the one he loves the most. He knows that Thomas needs him, and the only way to get Thomas to listen is to get some help. Whose that help you might ask? Patton. Janus wants to be more helpful, but he doesnt know how. He’s envious of Patton’s ability to be accepted so easily, so he goes to him for advice (“I've come to you cause I need guidance to be true, And I just don't know where I can begin”). Janus wants to be redeemed in Thomas’ eyes, he wan’ts to escape the criminal appearance he’s been doomed to (“And I need to be redeemed, To the one I've sinned against”). He HATES some of the things he does to Thomas and some of the things he makes him think, but he doesn’t want to be forgiven, he believes that he deserves to be punished, but he still wants to get better for Thomas. He just doesn’t know how to do that (“Oh help me, but don't tell me to deny it, I've got to cleanse myself Of all these lies til I'm good enough for him”). Also, Janus sees Patton in a very very high place. He goes as far in this song to liken him to an angel while comparing himself, again, to the devil (“So what would an angel say, The devil wants to know”).

17) Change: The song is about, you guessed it, change! This to me is a continuation of the last song. Janus finally feels like things are changing in his favor (likely after the most recent episode). He was beginning to feel like there was no point in caring or trying, but now that he’s begining to see the light, he’s grown a bit hopeful (“Lately I've been thinking it's just someone else's job to care, Who am I to sympathize when no one gave a damn?” “Trying to find the power in me to be faithful” “Change is a powerful thing, I feel it coming in me”). With Patton’s help and acceptance, Janus is begining to feel worthy of Thomas again and begining to see the he has a voice (“Maybe by the time this song is done I’ll be able to be honest, capable, Of holding you in my arms without letting you fall when I don't feel beautiful Or stable”).

18) Devil in the Details: Janus worries again about his ability to help Thomas. He doesn’t believe that he can tell the difference between good and bad and he looks to Patton for that differentiation (“There was love I meant, there were accidents, So tell me which is which. 'Cause I just can't work it out” “I have, no way, of knowing,…”). There’s also an odd underlying message about doing something that he doesn’t want to do, but continues to do despite this and I’m not quite sure what that could be referring to (“And I know the cost, and I want to stop. But I can't do it, I just can't do it.”). It could simply be referring to him lying or deceiving others, but that seems too simple. I wish I had a better answer.

19) Come Little Children: ALSO MY FAVORITE SONG ON THE PLAYLIST! This is really big guys. This song practically confirms the fact that Janus was in charge of taking in and hiding the dark sides from Thomas (“Come little children, I'll take thee away Into a land of enchantment”). The song literally uses the phrase “My garden of shadows”, a clear metaphor for the hidden parts of Thomas’ mind where Janus keeps the dark sides. But it gets better... Janus pities these poor sides. He hates the way that society has forced them away from the light and into the shadows (“Follow sweet children, I'll show thee the way Through all the pain And the sorrows”). Not only does Janus feel bad for these sides and longs to protect them from the cruelness of the real world, but he LOVES them. He values every aspect of them and thinks they are beautiful and perfect. He cannot fathom why society wouldn’t also love see them this way and it frustrates him to hide such amazing traits from the world (“Weep not poor children For life is this way, Murdering beauty and passions”). Despite this sadness and dissapointment, Janus does his job and keeps the dark sides hidden away, knowing that society would never accept them for what they are (“Hush now dear children, It must be this way”).

20) Into the Unknown (no not the Frozen song): This song is VERY IMPORTANT. I have seen so many misinterpretations of this song, and granted mine could also be wrong, but please hear me out. This song comes right after the last song for a reason. The sides that Janus had once hidden away are now being shown to Thomas. He is literally going into the unknown (“Led through the mist, By the milk-light of moon, All that was lost, is revealed.” “Somewhere lost in the clouded annals of history, Lies a place that few have seen. A mysterious place, called The Unknown. Where long-forgotten stories are revealed to those who travel through the wood.”) Thomas is figuratively traveling through the wood by learning more about himself and traveling deeper into Janus’ previously mentioned Garden of Shadows. The song ends, beautifully framing Janus’ love for the sides he’s raised and hidden away, calling them “ The loveliest lies of all”....

(Ahhh! I’m sorry that was so long guys 😅 Thank you if you read the whole thing or evern part! I’d like to hear your opinions, so let me know 💛💛💛)

[3mmafr0st]

Hard to Hate Chapter 14

Fred Weasley x Reader Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: the usual, if you’ve seen the rest of the series you’ll know!

Taglist: @intpeach, @aria-dne, @allthebestmenarefictional, @i-should-be-writing-my-own-fic, @weasleytwinswheezes, @a-disappointing-teen-author, @amorist-3, @222moonss, @carmiml0v3, @lilypad-55449, @losers-club6, @hpbitch, @ohwelliguess​, More in the Reblog. Ask me if you want to be added to the tag list!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 15,

Read the Russian translation Here

The next few weeks were tough on me, with the already intense stress of trying to remember all of the work we had been doing before the break, and the drama of what had happened. 

Draco was mad at me, upset for leaving, as well as whatever Pansy had been whispering in his ear throughout the month. He hadn’t talked to me since christmas and I hate to say it but I missed him. Even though he was quite brainwashed and could be a little shit, I loved him, he was like a little brother to me.

On top of that, Pansy and her gaggle of bitches were harrassing me whenever they could. Ever since they found my room, the fear that I struck in most of the Slytherin house had all but dwindled. At least before they moved out of my way, but now they just look down on me and I hated it. It felt worse than being feared.

Finally there was Fred. Funny, endearing, and absolutely beautiful Fred. Ever since he and the other Weasley’s returned to the school, he has been cold, distant. It was as if the last few months had never happened, that we had never become friends in the first place. George was still talking to me though. That was my only saving grace.

George and I had decided on the library to hang out that day. Melody didn’t want to study that day, instead opting to hang out with Lee by the lake on a date of sorts. 

“I honestly have no clue what’s going on with Fred, but I’m worried.” George told me, his voice nervous.

“Has he been the same with you, he won’t even speak to me.”

“He won’t talk to me about anything, but he’s definitely upset about something. This is the first time that he’s never not told me about what’s going on in his head and I don’t like it.”

“Do you think that he’s really upset with me, I don’t know what I could have done.” I was upset to say the least. I missed Fred so much and yet he wouldn’t even give me the time of day. It was agonizing. I liked him so much, maybe even loved, and yet he pushed me away.

George and I stayed and studied for a while, until the time came where we were to go to our next class, Potions, which we all had together. This was going to be difficult to say the least.

When George and I walked into the classroom, Fred was already there, sitting with Angelina Johnson. George was irritated to say the least, and since I knew Melody would be sitting with Lee, I offered him a seat next to me. I glanced at Fred, and he seemed to be even more grumpy than when we had first walked in. Snape began his lecture, his droaning and nasally voice going on and on. I should be paying attention to the work that we were supposed to be doing, on the lecture at hand. Instead, I was glancing at Fred out of the corner of my eye.

Angelina and Fred were sitting together, laughing and whispering together. I felt something, simmering in the pit of my stomach. I had no idea what the feeling was, but it made me want to tear Angelina apart. I didn’t even know why, I like Angelina! She’s nice and witty and good at quidditch, and well, basically everything I was but better. She was the perfect version of me, one with no baggage, no psychotic family members or racist family history. Who wouldn’t pick her? The burning feeling soon turned to sadness, this lump in my throat that only got worse and worse. George looked at me, and saw as tears began to well in my eyes, fighting to keep them from falling, I couldnt let the other students see me like this, it would push me even farther down the chain of respect and I couldnt have that. George raised his hand, and was called on.

“Professor, Y/N’s not feeling good, do you think I could walk her back to her common room.”

Snape thought for a moment, clearly trying to weigh his biases in his head, before allowing it. As quickly as he could, George walked me out of the classroom, trying to get me a good enough distance from the classroom before my legs gave out under me against the wall, tears falling down my face.

“Y/N, what’s wrong? Tell me.”

“I don’t know, just, Angelina, the two of them, ugh, I feel so pathetic.” I laughed at myself through my tears. “I mean, who would even think I have a chance next to her.” George looked me straight in the eyes, both of us on the floor now, putting his hand on my shoulder to try and reassure me.

“Y/N, if he can’t see that you’re the absolute perfect girl for him, then he’s either blind, or just plain stupid, knowing my brother, its probably a bit of both.” His joke made me laugh, and he handed me a tissue from his pocket. 

“Thanks, I just feel so hopeless, yknow? Like, the two of you, and Mel are the only good things right now, and even that's been ruined.”

“Believe me Y/N, I get it more than you know.” His eyes looked far away, kind of wistful and longing. 

“So who’s the girl?”

“If I say, it's only going to make it worse.” I thought through all of the different clues, before coming to the most logical explanation.

“Its Angelina, isnt it?” I folded my hands in front of my chest giving him a knowing look.

“Yeah,” He said. “Now I know that you think I’m just saying that because I want her all for myself, don’t you?” I silently nodded, tears starting to prick at my eyes again.

“Well, that’s not true, I’m being serious. If he’s not going to man up, then he must be an idiot.” I didn’t believe him in the slightest, but I pretended to. “Come on, let's head to lunch early, I dont think you want the others seeing you like this when they leave.”

The two of us headed to the cafeteria, simply working on homework at our respective tables, until the rest of the students began pouring into the large hall. I saw Melody walk in, sitting down next to me.

“You feeling better?”

“Honestly, Mels, it's not that kinda sick. It’s just, Fred, yknow?” She silently nodded. She knew all of the events that had happened, or lackthereof. Although she knew about it, she wasnt as involved as George, I mean, she had her own things to do and I understood. 

George was sitting close to me, in a way, our backs to eachother, so Mel and Lee could continue their conversation from Potions. I heard heavy, angry footsteps behind me, and I took a peek as to who it was. Fred was angry, but for what reason I couldnt understand. I could hear the conversation from behind me.

“George, can we talk outside for a moment.” His voice was trying to mask his rage.

“Fine” George responded, and Fred walked the two of them outside of the cafeteria. 

I tried to stay out of it, I tried to sit there, and eat and talk to Lee and Mel as if nothing had happened, but after 5 minutes, the curiosity got the better of me. What if Fred was finally saying something as to why he was so distant, ignoring me for so long. It was a miserable experience and I just had to know why. 

I told Melody that I was going to the bathroom, and then ran off, looking for the two boys.

I walked down the hall, searching around for them, when I heard yelling, two voices that I knew so well. I looked around for a moment, before finding a door that I had never seen in this hallway before. I put my ear up to the door. The voices were muffled, but I could sort of make out what the boys were saying.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Fred, am I not allowed to have friends?”

“You and I both know that it's not just friends.”

“I’m not lying, it’s not my fault that you’ve been being an asshole and pushing us away!” The yells were immediately silenced, replaced with the sounds of skin coming in contact with skin, yelps of pain and growls of anger.  

“Alohamora” The lock quickly undid, and I pushed the door open as fast as I could. Fred had wrestled George on the ground, punching him into the floor, as George was trying as hard as possible to gain the upper hand. I quickly wracked my brain for something to separate the two without putting myself at risk before finding the perfect incantation “Relashio!”

The two looked at me, then looked at each other, trying to go at it again, but I quickly cast the Colloshoo hex, sticking both boys’ feet firmly on the ground. 

“You too are unbelievable, you know that? You are brothers for Merlin’s sake, what the hell has gotten into you?” George began to speak but I cut him off, I was too angry to listen. “Fred, you need to check yourself this instant, your behavior in the last month has not been that of a friend. Friends are supposed to be kind to each other, supposed to support each other, talk to each other at the very least! Once you’re ready to explain yourself, I'll be in the astronomy tower. George, if he tries anything like that again, you sure as hell better tell me.” 

“Can you at least let us go?” George asked, as I opened the door of the mystery room.

“It’ll wear off in an hour, you two need to talk through some things.” I shut the door behind me. I was angry, confused, and upset, all of those emotions culminating in the only way that my body could understand, once again tears began to run down my face. Luckily classes had ended early today, because if not, I would have had to go to a History of Magic looking like this mess.  The only thing that I could do was go to the astronomy tower, and hope that Fred had gotten over himself enough to come and talk to me, explain why all of a sudden he was acting like this.

[starlightsearches]

Hi please can i request hux x reader where they’re in a relationship and reader insists they be the big spoon even though hux isnt much of a cuddler and he lets them and the feeling of being held has him nervous at first but then he just starts to cry because he’s so starved of touch and physical affection

This Moment

Such a cute idea, anon! Here’s this for you, hope you like it 😊

Requests are closed  ✨

Armitage Hux x Reader

Warnings: Kind of angsty. Reader is on painkillers after a traumatic injury! 

The message lights up the screen of his data pad, illuminating his quarters, and he reaches for it immediately, relief coursing through his veins when he sees your name. The light of the screen is hell on his tired eyes, but it’s nothing compared to the hell he’s lived through for the past few days. Before he can even finish reading the message, he’s out the door and on the way to your quarters, moving quickly through the halls of the Finalizer on a path he knows so intimately he could walk it blindfolded. 

“Hello,” you say when he enters, and he finds you in the low light, resting on your bed, propped up on a few pillows. Your speech is slurred, and your eyelids droop, like it takes considerable effort to keep them open. He flinches when he sees the bandage, your entire upper half wrapped in linen, covering what he knows to be an almost-fatal wound. He approaches you timidly, and you smile, reaching for him like a child, your hands opening and closing with insistence. They must have given you something for the pain, and it seems like they gave you a lot of it.

“C’mere,” you say, and he obliges you, moving to kneel at the side of your bed, getting a better look. You look right back, through glazed-over eyes, reaching out to stroke his cheek with your thumb. He turns his attention to your torso, running a gentle finger over the layers of bandages covering your side, and a lump forms in his throat. 

“Are you in any pain?” he asks, trying to speak through the emotion, and you shake your head enthusiastically, your hair fanning around your face.

“Nope, don’t feel anything,” you say, and then you giggle, but Hux can’t find any humor in the situation. You pull him towards you, grabbing at his arms. Even inebriated and injured, you’re surprisingly strong, and he lurches forward, his fall cushioned by the edge of the bed.

“I should go,” he says gently, moving out of your grasp, “you need to rest.” You drop your hands down and furrow your brow in an uncharacteristic pout.

“Stay‘th me,” you say, anger turning into sadness rather quickly as the drugs amplify your emotions, tears trailing down your cheeks, “please stay. Don’t wanna be alone.” Hux can understand that. After days without a word, he doesn’t want you out of his sight. It’s mostly selfish, but he nods, and you pat the space next to you on the mattress, grinning through the tears.

He joins you on the bed, even though he’s still in his uniform, but you don’t seem to notice, lunging for him sloppily, your arms wrapping around his shoulders, and his heart jumps in his chest. He’s not used to you being this . . . affectionate, at least not in this way. So open, uninhibited. Up until this point, everything had been careful and calculated, almost polite. He’d never wanted to push you too far. He needed to go slow.

“Y’ look very tired, General,” you whisper, pressing your face onto his cheek, your warm breath tickling his skin before you lean back to study him with soft eyes, “sleep, now. I’ll sleep and you’ll sleep. Sleep together.” Your eyes fall closed, as if to demonstrate your meaning, and he nods, laying back to rest on your mattress, feeling stiff and uncomfortable. This isn’t something that has happened before, and it’s probably foolish for him to stay in your quarters overnight—people might talk—but he can’t bring himself to leave. The thought of spending any more time alone is unbearable. He wants to be here with you, even if you’re not entirely yourself right now.

You snuggle up close to him, satisfied now that he’s done as you asked, wrapping an arm around his torso and pulling yourself tight into his chest. He sucks in a shaky breath, adjusting to the contact, and tries to think about where to rest his hands. If this were any other time, he might place one at your waist, but the sight of the bandage stops him and he settles one hand in your hair instead, brushing a few errant strands away from your face.

“Mmmmm, yes!” you whisper emphatically, and he bites back a smile at your drug-induced enthusiasm. Your breathing grows slow and even, and Hux tries to sleep, but the ability to unwind evades him. He’s feeling an acute sense of claustrophobia, like the walls of your room are closing in, the pressure of your body heavy on his. It’s a suffocating feeling that he knows intimately, one he’s tried to evade on countless occasions, but stronger this time, and he’s met by it with full force. It’s difficult for him to admit it, even just to himself, but the contact frightens him—every time you brush your hands through his hair or press a kiss to his temple, he’s reminded of past pains, of touches designed to break him. And now he’s breaking in a different way, torn between the fear of touch and the need for it. The need for your touch. 

He can’t stop looking at the bandage. Even when he closes his eyes, he sees it. How close had he come to losing you? How close had he come to never seeing you again, never experiencing the feeling of your cheek pressing against his chest, or hearing the soft sighs of your sleep? 

The tightness moves deeper, into his lungs, and he works to breathe, focusing on the rise and fall of his own chest and not the movement of yours under the bandage. The truth is that a blaster shot isn’t the only thing that could take you from him. He’s always on the verge of losing you. Soon, you’ll realize that you can do better; he’s only delaying the inevitable. Hux turns to leave, gently trying to escape your grasp, but you won’t release him, your arm hugging tighter around his waist. 

“Nooooo,” you moan lowly, pulling him closer to you, until his back is pressed flush to the lines of your body, and one of your legs wraps over the top of his, your face pressing into his shoulder. Hux’s eyes flood with tears that he bites back, blinking them away. You hold him, like a lifeline, like you can’t stand the thought of being without him. He’s never been held before.

He stifles a gasp, biting into his fist with enough force to draw blood from his knuckles, the metallic sting snaking across his tongue. He wants this, he wants you so badly, and his own weakness is keeping him from it. It’s pathetic. It’s pointless. He should go. Your face shifts against the fabric of his uniform as if you sense his distress, nestling in tighter before looking up at him with wide, round eyes, peering at him over his arm. 

“Why’re you crying?” you ask, and Hux drops his hand from his mouth to brush it over his cheek, surprised to feel warm tears he couldn’t blink away coating his hand. Your fingers find their place against his cheeks, your touch burning, before you lean in, kissing the tears from his skin. Your mumbled affections brush against the trails left behind by his tears, “I love you. Don’t cry. Love you, love you, love you.” Those are words he’s never heard before, and they punch him in the chest, spreading an ache through his whole body. 

“Do you mean that?” he grabs you by wrists, pulling away, turning to face you, and he’s struck silent for a moment. After an eternity of watching you from afar—dreaming and hoping and foolishly wishing for something like this—you’ve told him you love him, and you probably won’t even remember it.

“Mean what?” you ask, furrowing your brow as you try to think, try to lean in again to kiss him, but he keeps you where you are. He can feel the tears this time, tears that burn as they fall from his tired eyes and trace thin lines down his nose and cheeks.

“You said you loved me,” he repeats the words like a prayer, like a curse, “did you mean it?” You squint at him, trying to decipher his meaning. He should be letting you sleep. There’s no point in asking you anything right now, not when you’re like this. But he has to know. He has to hear you say it again.

“Mhmm,” you say once you understand, nodding rapidly, “ yes, yes, yes. I love you. Love you, Armitage,” you say it like it’s obvious, like things could never be any other way. His grip on your arms goes weak, and you fall into him again, pushing him back down to the bed. You rest your chin on his chest and look up at him, brushing the tears away from his face with delicate swipes. “No more crying, love,” you command with mock severity, “just sleeping.” 

You settle against his chest again, and he can feel you breathe, the rise and fall of it reverberating through his own body, and before he can repeat the words back to you, you’re asleep. Hux sits in silence. You love him. He doesn’t have to ask himself if he feels the same.

Slowly, he adjusts to the gentle press of your body on his, allowing himself to relax into the mattress. His hand brushes over your hair again, and he watches you, the soft breaths that escape your parted lips, the fluttering of your lashes against your cheeks. He loves you, too, loves you so much and he needs you to know it, but there will be time for that later. He’ll tell you he loves you, show you he loves you for the rest of his life, but he’ll start in the morning, when you’ll remember it. For now, he’ll focus on this, because he knows that he’ll always remember this moment.

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

This is the last ask ill send because im honestly tired of this whole thing

I dont know why you brought up the anon hate you got when that’s no part of the discussion. Even if it isnt your intention, you’re making yourself out of to be the victim when you arent. You say you want to get better but each time something gets pointed out you get on the defensive. I dont know why you decided to bring it up, but now that you have: Piama is indeed whitewashed on your drawing. “Warm lighting” doesnt change peoples undertones like that. Compare it to Piama’s last two cgs if you really don’t believe me.

Even if you aren’t affected, you need to be able to recognize it without poc having to tell you in order to be a good ally. I wouldn’t want a straight friend that lets people make homophobic comments about me in their presence and then hear them say “it doesn’t affect me so i couldnt tell it was homophobic so thats why i didnt defend you”. If you aren’t able to recognize it then you’ll inevitably repeat the same rhetoric. Racist rhetoric is everywhere and spewed every single day so you cant expect poc to be with you all the time and take you by the hand to tell you whats racist or not. Those are the reasons why you need to learn how to identify it by yourself, be listening to poc, by developing critical thinking skills, by not surrounding yourself with only white people. If not there’ll be more unchallenged asks such as one i saw recently that pinned poc that complained about yet another white route “stupid because they dont get that lovestruck releases routes by demand”. As if we have no concept of nuance.

No one is obliged to accept an apology, especially after what happened. I dont know where you got that idea from, especially when it concerns something that hurts people this deeply. And I didn’t point it out what happened just to be petty, I pointed it out because it isn’t an isolated event but a pattern of behavior of unchecked racist comments. That was simply the worst case: It was handled poorly, considering mod viv herself never apologized and again, swept it under the rug. The apology I saw from mod wrath was vague, didnt address the situation directly, was posted on this blog so no one knew what was going on, and was later deleted. So yeah she can apologize ten times and it still doesn’t mean we have to accept it. Especially if it’s that catastrophic because it looks like its more about saving face rather than feeling remorse, even if she did feel bad. You’re too eager to call it just “a mistake” and pin me as the unreasonable one.

And I want to ask you, have you truly seen with your own eyes an interaction where someone said to the other “if you like vinca you’re racist” and was completely serious?Or have you heard it from someone else saying that they were told that? Because considering that other anon watering down a woc’s criticism of lovestruck as “she doesnt like white people or this blog” then yeah i wouldn’t trust anything else coming from their mouths. People are getting too pressed over the millionth white woman in the app. Hell even if it happened, it’s probably what, one, two people? But you’re lumping all of us together as if its been a wave of saying that. The valid criticism surrounding Vinca is interconnected with Nahara’s release (one of the few dark-skinned women in the app) considering people kept saying they’d rather have a Vinca route when Nahara’s was announced. They’re not even willing to support it just because they want Vinca’s and that sends a message to voltage. So it simply doesnt boil down to “well its a difference in personalities”. Im gonna go as far as to say that if a woc had the same attitude as Vinca, people wouldnt be frothing at the mouth for her or they’d delve into the realm of fetishizing (as some people are bordering the line with Piama). But thats a whole other topic. And since people want to act stupid: all of the white characters in lovestruck are white because voltage made them that way. They could’ve quite easily made them a poc, but they rarely do. Think about what that means then, if youre really trying to defend yourself by saying “well they put out whats popular”

Lastly, you should really evaluate the content and beliefs you put out when racist people are still comfortable following and interacting with you. This is why i want this discussion to be public: your followers need to read this and apply it to themselves. Because considering the amount of anon hate you said you got yesterday towards the other blogger, theres a bunch of your followers who need to get off their phones and learn to care about other people and stop being racist assholes.

Believe me, I’m tired of it as well.

I brought up the anon hate because I didn’t want you to wonder why I was posting your asks in this form.

And no. Piama is not whitewashed. I took a dropper tool and took the color directly from her sprite, and if you’d looked at my blog, you would’ve seen that I sent screenshots as proof in response to that ask. But you obviously didn’t, so I’ll send them here again. (1. Without lighting. 2. With Lighting.)

If you still don’t believe me, you’re welcome to call me on Discord and I’ll share my screen and show you the entire process. And as an artist: You’d be fucking surprised what lighting does to colors.

Well, yes, I need to be able to recognize it indeed. The thing is: I can’t always. I try my best on this, and there will be moments and issues that will come up, mistakes I will make because I’m not perfect and not a machine. And in those moments, I’d love to have a friend that affectionately slaps me and says “JD, that was shit.” So I can apologize and notice it the next time. I have had multiple friends be transphobic to me in certain ways. I’ve informed them about it. They apologized and haven’t done it since. We’re still friends to this day. I do try to educate myself on racism and put in some work. I don’t expect POC to do all the work for me and explain to me how to be an ally correctly, and still - I hope they help me just as I help my cis friends with trans stuff. I can’t magically change all my behaviors and overcome internalized societal racism with the snap of a finger. If I could, I fucking would have already done it multiple times. The way it is, I’m working on it. Again - I’m sorry I didn’t point out the racist comment in the ask. I should’ve done that, and I’ll make sure to do it in the future.

You’re right no one is obliged to accept an apology. You’re right this hurts people deeply. And as I said - Mod Wrath apologized three times, including one on her personal blog which was a lot less vague. Mod Viv also apologized - to the person in question, in private. Just because you didn’t see it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. And the thing is - if you refuse to accept her apology, that’s one thing and fully your right. And the thing is: If an apology is not going to make you forgive her, if ten are not, what do you need in order to forgive? Will you never forgive? Will you always argue it’s going to be an apology to save face when you don’t know the fact she does feel remorse? How will you see that she does?

I did hear the Vinca thing from a friend of mine. Whom I trust. Because seriously, why would you make things like that up? Who would even get the idea? I’m against the idea of believing my friends would lie to me for attention or whatever. And yeah, the criticism of that anon was unfitting - I’ve visited the blog they claimed was doing that and I found nothing of the sorts, so that comment was unfitting unless I missed something. I never intended to say that it’s all of you saying that. I intended to say that some people are handling the issue wrong. I’m sorry it came off that way. I do believe though that it’s people’s full right to say they’d have preferred Vinca over Nahara. I would’ve preferred Vinca. I still read Nahara tho. However, it’s not yours to dictate which routes other people have to support and which not. I will however agree with you that people should give Nahara a chance - it’s quite the sweet story. And I for my part would enjoy a POC Vinca just as much as a white one. (Also, side note, you’re making it appear as if everyone would either fetishize or rage over her, which is very much putting all of the “white” fanbase into the same bag, the same thing you critizised me for earlier. It’s understandable from a psychological point of view, tho, so I’m not gonna comment further.)

Yeah, Voltage makes the characters white, and that’s an issue people can only fix by demanding more POC in the ask posts and comments. Which many do, btw. They put out what is popular indeed, they put out what is demanded, and I fucking demand more POC. I want it. They could’ve made so many LIs POC and they haven’t and I’m fucking unhappy about it too! I’m not even trying to say anything else.

Yes, making this public to arouse thinking is a good policy. The followers need to read this indeed. And we didn’t get anon hate for the other blogger. We got anon hate towards us. Tons. Comments that went as far as telling mods to kill themselves. And while I agree with lots of the things you say - some of the ways you’re acting actively spark this type of hate. There is being loud about the issues you face, and then there is calling people racist assholes based on a comment they made instead of talking to them personally and telling them that’s not okay, giving them the chance to improve themselves instead of always having them stamped as a racist. Just because you’re the one who’s hurt, the one who’s morally correct, does not mean anything you say or do is good behavior. 

You told me I whitewashed Piama when you, with a minute of research, could’ve found proof I didn’t. You obviously wanted the internet to see, maybe hoped I’d get exposed? Could I get an apology for that? And I promise, I’ll accept it because I’m willing to believe you’re a good person.

Summary of everything:

You’re right with lots of things.

I behaved wrong and I’m sorry.

Lovestruck has an issue with racism that we need to change together. 

Together. Without toxic behavior from any side.

- Mod JD

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

We Dont Talk Anymore (Yoongi x You) (ONESHOT)

A/N: this request has been sitting for a year (or more) in my inbox and im sorrryy. This is a short story and I feel like its not my best 😔 but I still hope you like it. Im sorry and Ill do better 💜

Oh, we don't talk anymore, like we used to do I just heard you found the one you've been looking You've been looking for I wish I would have known that wasn't me

Min Yoongi and Big Hit Producer, Zara announces that they are officially a couple!

Y/N scrunched up the glossy page of the tabloid and throw it in the nearest garbage bin, pulling her jacket tighter around her and keeps on walking. Maybe thats where she should be too, since thats how Yoongi treated her heart, like trash.

A year.

It has been a year since their heart wrenching break up and Yoongi has finally moved on. He is finally in a relationship with someone else. As he should be.

Maybe its a good thing. She was never a good match for Yoongi. Shes just a boring lawyer. What does she know about the entertaining world of the music industry right? All she do all day is fight in court and do the paperwork all night long. That producer girl will probably fits him better. Understand him better. They can talk music all day long, and write together all night long. The girl wont be mad at him for being busy all the time. Hell, they can spend time together while working. Y/N scoffs to herself.

She just wish.. she had known from the beginning that they were not suited for each other. Then she wouldnt have wasted her time to be in a relationship. To go on dates. To face his crazy fans. To balance work and spending time with Yoongi.

She wouldnt have wasted time, and her heart... to fall in love.

'Cause even after all this time I still wonder Why I can't move on Just the way you did so easily

A year.

And she still cant move on. How can she? She was never in love. Never felt it. Never wanted to. Never planned to. But Min Yoongi, with all his coldness he showed to the world, theres just warmth in him that melts her heart. That makes her so sure that love is real. She felt it with Yoongi. She felt it his smile, she felt it in his laughter, in his tears, in his frustration, she felt it in the way he covered her up in a blanket when she fell asleep while doing her case reports, she felt it in tbe small wave he gave her when he saw her in the crowd watching his performances. She felt it. And she knew its real.

Thats why she wonders. And keeps on wonder, how can he moved on so easily? And why cant she do the same.

Oh how she wish she can.

Don't wanna know What kind of dress you're wearing tonight If he's holding onto you so tight The way I did before

Breaking up with someone you love is painful enough. Its even worse when that someone moved on and you are told about every single detail of their love life. With every step she took, news about Yoongi and his new lover were whispered, talked about. Where they go to dates, what they do on dates, how romantic their kisses are.

If a heart can be thrown out, Y/N wants to take it out right now. She doesnt want to feel anymore. Yoongi was her world, the one she told everything to, the one she spend all her time with. The one love she overdosed on. The one that means everything to her.

What do you do when the one person you talk to is gone? What do you do when the one person you love stop loving you? Nothing. You moved on. And hope the pain passed. But it never will. Because afterall, nothing hurts more than a broken heart.

I just hope you're lying next to somebody Who knows how to love you like me There must be a good reason that you're gone

Yoongi walked down the street. The snow has been falling non stop today. It matches his cold cold heart and matches his cold cold feelings even more. He felt numb. Everything about him is numb. News broke today that hes dating their producer.

The truth is, he isnt.

He just hope Y/N saw the news. Hoped and prayed she saw it, and moved on. Yoongi swallowed a lump in his throat. Just the thought of Y/N with someone else... kills him, break him, but he have to do it.

Image of Y/N crying almost everyday, screaming almost everyday before their breakup haunts him. Thats not what he wanted for her. He wants to give her happiness, love, laughter. But hes not able to. He never have time for her, to talk to her, love her. And she deserve better.

He hope and he prayed. That with the sudden news, she will find someone new. She will finally open up her heart and let someone new in. And he hope and he prayed for that someone to love her as much as he does, because theres no other love in the world stronger than his love for her. And it will always be her. To Yoongi, it will always be her.

Every now and then I think you Might want me to come show up at your door But I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong

He knows Y/N doesnt mean it. When she cries and say those awful words of separation, he knows she doesnt mean it. She wants him to stop her, to change, to love her better. But he cant. He cant love her better. He wants to, but he dont how. And thats why he lets her go.

Every single night while he rolls around in bed, his handphone screen is the only thing lighting the dark room, illuminating Y/N's picture in his phone that hes been staring at, he wonders. What if he just picks up his coat and knocks on her door? Will she open it? Will she welcome him with open arms? Smiling, crhing in happiness? Will they kiss and all be okay? Will they ever forget this terrible tragedy even happen? Will they start again and be happy like before?

Every single night he thinks about it. And every single night he almost did. Almost.

But he has a bigger fear. What if hes wrong. What if Y/N has moved on. What if Y/N has found someone who love her better.

They dont talk anymore. They didnt talked for the longest time. And maybe its better that way..

I overdosed Should've known your love was a game Now I can't get you out of my brain Oh, it's such a shame That we don't talk anymore,

Her mind has been wondering with thoughts about Yoongi, not really paying attention to where shes even going until she suddenly stopped in her tracks and looked up.

Standing in front of her, all bundled up in heavy coat and gloves, scarf around his neck, nose tinge pink, is the man that haunted her mind himself. Y/N breathes, her mouth whisper the only word she wanted to call out for so long.

"Yoongi,"

Yoongi stops in his tracks. Maybe he had successfully stopped himself from going to Y/N's door every single night, naybe he managed to talk himself out if it, but fate has brought Y/N right to him, and this time he wont let it go to waste.

This time, he will make sure to show her how much he loves her, needs her. He will tell her every little thing that happened in his life. There wont ever be a second of silence between them ever again. They will talk. They will talk all night long. Fate wants them together. His heart wants them together. And he wouldnt let them down again.

But if only things were that simple. If only thats the truth, but the fact is... they dont talk anymore. Y/N was right. Y/N was right when she ended it. They havent for the longest time. All the laughter, the kisses, the whispered words of love, its all lost in memories. Memories that will remain in his heart forever. His heart is racing to reach out to her. Hes hoping hers does too.

But they dont talk anymore.

And they never will again.

"Y/N,"

Both eyes locked with one another, staring deep into their souls for a split second, almost tellimg each other how they really feel, that their names are still beating in each others heart, before both pair of eyes quickly averted each other and continue walking, shoulders slightly touching as two past lovers passed by one another, having so much to say but nothing to talk about.

[silverjirachi]

Do u rly 100% believe ur not a woman? If u dont mind sharing how did u figure that out? How can u separate urself from ur body like that? We r our bodies! I cant wrap my mind around it even tho I have dysphoria. Also women are the most oppressed class of people 2 this day so it seems really really stupid 2 let our oppressors claim womanhood. We r all born from vaginas. How do people ignore history & reality? Is pretending ur not who u r a coping mechanism? Wouldnt accepting ur body b healthier?

Hi there!  I considered not answering this because I don’t want to fan flames or stir discourse because I don’t want other people to get wrapped up into something that is 100% about me. I try really hard to cultivate a positive, lighthearted environment in all of my online presences.  But honestly your ask isn’t worded hatefully, and I think what I have to say is important and might help someone else, so I’m going to answer it. But I probably won’t answer anything else and there better not be any funny business in these notes.  If there is, I would like to politely ask people not to engage with it.  Please leave me, and everyone else in these notes, alone.  I am writing this for me, to answer your question about me, and I’m writing this in case there’s a baby enby out there who is exactly like me who who needs to read this today.

With that disclaimer aside...,

Yes, I really do 100% believe I am not a woman.  I unfortunately cannot easily explain how without falling into the traps of words like masculinity and femininity.  But it’s the same as any other identity.  How do you know you are a woman?  Is it something that you identify with, feel a personal relationship with?  Or does it ultimately only come from your body alone, and you feel absolutely no connotations or connections to it whatsoever?  Did it come to you through your body?  I know people who 100% identify with their assigned gender, but can’t really articulate how or why without falling into these same binaries.  And I know people who 100% DON’T identify with their assigned gender and cannot truly articulate how or why.  It doesn’t even have a lot to do with masculinity or femininity.  A lot of our language just doesn’t have the words to describe such an internal experience.

It is true that there is a very specific type of oppression that comes with being born in a female body- or a body that would otherwise assign you female at birth.  From what I can tell, that’s what a lot of this really relies on.  I don’t think anyone who is AFAB and nonbinary or ftm is really denying that, at least not from my experience.  I’m sure they’re out there.  But we, by and large, HAVE had the experience of discrimination in some way or another because of our “femaleness-” our ASSIGNED femaleness.  (Something that got thrown at me was the idea of female socialization- it’s true, I was socialized as a female bc that’s what my body “looked” like and that’s just what our society assumes).  But just as there is a very specific kind of oppression that goes along with being AFAB, there is also a very specific kind of oppression that goes along with being mtf, and there is a very specific type of oppression that goes along with being a poc and any of those other categories.  That’s at the core of intersectionality.  Different parts of our identities interact with each other in different ways.  People experience oppression and privilege in different ways and at different times depending on where they fall in this mix of race/class/gender/ability etc.

I also have body dysphoria, and it’s true our bodies can define a lot of our human experience (after all if I didn’t have a body I wouldn’t have dysphoria, right?? Godddd what a life).  But also because I have dysphoria, I do not think that our bodies should be the defining characteristic of our identities.  Bodies and presentation can cause a lot of our social interactions- including oppression- but I think to say woman and woman’s experience = female body is quite a limited summary of the issue with little nuance, and it’s also quite limiting with the way our society is changing.  This is why I heavily prefer terms like assigned female at birth.  This can imply that such a person may have had a socially female experience (like me) in part due to their body, and thus was socially assigned to be a female, but just... also isnt a woman for some reason or another.

I also think that what we strive to do is not to ignore history (I think very few people are denying the way women have been treated in history, and are still treated to this day) but we hope to build from it.  I think that’s why feminism and gender studies get lumped together.  A lot of feminist activists/scholars (many were both at the same time) led our current strides into gender constructivism.  I studied a lot of gender essentialism when I started my thesis, and to be honest, I saw the point behind it in the context of the time, but we’ve shifted in understanding and context since then.

And, in full disclosure, at the start of this whole adventure, (and i am SURE this will be used against me) I really did identify with being a woman.  I thought it was awesome to have the body I had and when I started witchcraft I did actually fall into that really easy trap of tying the female experience to magic.  (Honestly because I HATED my body and looking back that was probably a way to cope with DYSPHORIA and not the other way around).  And isn’t inherently harmful to have a working magical relationship with your body like that, but it is harmful when you think and say that’s the only way people can exist and the only way people can be magical.  But over time, I just started to change.  Nothing traumatic happened, I’ve been incredibly fortunate and privileged my entire life, it’s not a coping mechanism, I just started to identify with womanhood less and less, for no real particular reason- nothing about me personality or preference-wise changed.  Just my own internal view of myself.

I also got the words for gender euphoria.  And I noticed more and more that, if I was being honest with myself, that that was always how I had truly felt.  While it’s true gender roles shouldn’t exist, just like any other role or label, it’s different when someone chooses that role for themselves versus when they have it thrust upon them.  As a child, like many other AFAB children, I had the idea of womanhood thrust upon me, with all the roles and stereotypes that went along with it.  It’s fucked up in the first place, don’t get me wrong, but I knew people who embraced these fullheartedly, I knew people who didn’t.  But some people who didn’t still identified with womanhood, others became ftm, others became mtf.  I had “woman” thrust upon me, didn’t identify with it, rebelled against it, tried to rationalize it by accepting that I could be a “woman” without falling into gender stereotypes because there is no ONE correct way to be a woman (which there ISN’T), still didn’t feel right, did a full 180 and started buying pink lingerie and worshipped Aphrodite, that worked for a while and was overall a positive experience that helped me hate myself a little less, but at the end of the day, no matter what I did, I still did not identify as a woman.  What does happen to me, however?  I get a burst of euphoria when I am called a boy.  That makes me feel like I’m being really seen.  I actually resonate with that after years of not resonating at all with womanhood no matter how I sliced it, and that’s why it feels so fucking good.  I tried to identify as a woman. Believe me, I tried like all fucking hell.  Even though my presentation is still read as mostly female (I would disagree strongly with it but alas society and their fucking gender roles), I am quite the feminine boy-something to me, and I don’t have to justify that to anyone.

So TL;DR no it’s not a coping mechanism, I have lived a life full of very accepting, open-minded people and I won’t deny that I have that privilege, but in spite of that i STILL did not view myself as a woman, no matter how hard I tried.  I’ve actually generally accepted my body except on the days my dysphoria makes me want to throw my boobs across the room, I don’t think it’s denying history if we’re building from it, gender roles are fucked up.  I recognize that my experience being AFAB- and others who are AFAB- comes along with a particular type of oppression, but that’s why I prefer the term AFAB because it indicates the experience you’re talking about while also leaving it open to considering other experiences like my own and the experiences of other trans and nb folks.  In a few years AFAB might be outdated as a term and then we’ll find more terms to help figure this whole mess out.

TL;DR;DR no it’s not a coping mechanism and anyone is welcome to think that this is simply part of the horrible fallout of female socialization, and anyone is welcome to think that i’m mentally ill for identifying like this. people can think or say all they want about me but it won’t change the fact that I’m a boy-something and it won’t change all the years I struggled trying to figure that out.

Thank you for allowing me to write this all out, I think I really needed to.  This is something that had been floating in my brain forever, and explaining it all to you actually made my thoughts that much clearer.

Now everyone who sees this- please respect my wishes and please don’t clown in these notes if it spreads.  I’m tired enough about this as it is today.  I’m tired enough about fucking gender as it is.  We’re all fucking tired.  What I’ve shared today is about me and me alone and I want to keep it that way.

[wickymicky]

for real though if gugudan doesnt come back in the next month or so im gonna be really sad

cause if they dont do anything in october, they probably arent gonna do anything in november because of the proximity to the ioi reunion. maybe that ioi reunion will spark more interest in the group and stuff, but honestly maybe it’ll actually hurt the group even more cause they already have the reputation of really only giving a shit about promoting sejeong, mina, and sometimes nayoung. if gugudan disbands following the ioi thing, i wouldn’t be surprised. i’ll be angry and sad but not surprised, and the fact that i won’t be surprised just makes me angrier and sadder lol. 

i’m not sure what dia’s situation is exactly but from what i’ve heard it’s a similar sort of deal :( these post-ioi groups have it rough and it shouldn’t have been that way... for some reason weki meki has had two comebacks pretty close together, but their situation outside of that fact isnt especially great either, it’s hard to really be confident about their future too... and pristin.... yeah... i hope nayoung and kyulkyung get a chance at a continued career after this, but i hope the rest of the members get that too and idk.................. wjsn’s doing okay but like.... they’re a bit harder to lump in with the other ioi groups because they’re not reliant on yeonjung’s pre-membership fame like the other groups are. i dont think any of these groups should be relying on the fact that member(s) were in a popular group three years ago, but they kind of are, except for wjsn since their other members are popular too and they debuted first without yeonjung. 

i wonder why this all happened, cause ioi seemed like it was a really big deal, right? is it cause it was only the first season of pd101, and the group only lasted around a year? cause all the members have spent like almost three times as long being former-members of ioi now than they did being members of ioi. wanna one was huge and a bunch of their former members are doing well now, right? i wonder how izone is gonna go... they dont quite have the same level of hype as ioi it seems, like, on an individual level... their hype i think comes from the 12 of them as a group rather than their individual charismas (though they have some charismatic members for sure), so who knows... we’ll see how their longer contract impacts their post-izone career though, it could go either way really. it could build hype so that when they disband, people support their groups more passionately, or it could build resentment for the disbanding of the group and they take an even harder loss than ioi did, it’s hard to say. 

sigh.

maybe the companies do have the right idea with how theyre doing it though... like, the ioi groups pretty much all debuted during ioi with the exception of weki meki (and pristin kinda but like they had predebut stuff during ioi), but the members were part of those debuts. gugudan debuted during ioi with the members who were in ioi, they just were members of both during that time. that might have helped the song get attention, but it hurt the other members by vastly overshadowing them, which is a bad move in the long run, especially for groups with a bunch of members. companies right now are debuting their groups during izone, but without the izone members. we don’t know if the izone members will be added to those groups or not, but if they are they won’t overshadow the other members as well, because if the groups survive until the izone disbandment date then they probably will have a solid fanbase on their own, people will know the members. the groups might even get to the point where they don’t need the izone member to join, and the izone member might not! look at everglow, they don’t need yena to be successful. i think it’d be cool to have yena in the group and i dont understand why people wouldnt want that (besides people who want izone to stay together, i mean, i get that, but its not gonna happen. their companies want money)... but everglow doesn’t neeeeeed yena. rocket punch also had a strong debut, they aren’t relying on eunbi and chaewon. if gugudan had done this, debuting the 7 members with nayoung as the face of the group and then adding mina and sejeong later, maybe there would be stronger fanbases for all of the members :(

also none of what i said applies to pristin lol they were doing fine and if they werent under pledis then theyd still be one of the top girl groups right now. also somi and chungha are doing fine because they’re soloists, but if they were in groups... im not sure how well those groups would do