#this isnt concerning at all
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cvst3r · 8 months ago
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Hannibal fictionkin awakening
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watchingwisteria · 1 year ago
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listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded mfer happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.
#seeing some discourse and im not saying lucy grey didnt know#im saying she never dropped the kind of hints that she knew like she did in the movie#or if she did snow isnt worried about them until he very suddenly is consumed by them#snow is not concerned about whether or not she believed him. of course she did! hes snow!#but then shes gone…. for a while……#and its the sudden immediate drastic unravelling that comes across so clearly in the book#that i knew wouldn’t translate to screen yet still cant help but miss#the hunger games#coriolanus snow#tbosas#lucy gray baird#not a crime or anything just a note that i cannot stop thinking about#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#this is all from memory of reading it quite a while ago. so maybe 3 pages is an exaggeration#but i remember it happening VERY quickly and without much external cause#like we as the reader have no indication as to whether shes nearby or not.#snow has no idea either. he just SUSPECTS. and his suspicion breeds the hatred that has been bubbling inside him all this time#he hates how she undoes him. he hates that he WOULD run away with her if shed let him keep his secrets#and he HATES more than anything that she makes him WANT to tell his secrets#he wants to be vulnerable and reveal the ugly nasty parts about himself and still be loved#but he does not let himself and it is everyone’s downfall#he chooses cruelty bc it is easy and familiar and makes him feel more powerful than the vulnerable give and take that real love requires
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rooniearts · 1 month ago
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Sooo besides espilver (and I'm assuming sonucks), what sonic ships do you like?
I'm not that big of a shipper, tbh! But you're right, I find sonknux very fun in a "theyre both so stupid" kinda way. I have some doodles about them loaded up in my drafts, so you'll be seein' that sometime soon!
Other than that, I've been REALLY loving sonighty lately. Something about the childhood friends that reconnect years later trope ruins be every time i see it. They have such an underrated dynamic imo :')
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tennessoui · 1 month ago
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14 for obikin pretty please?
here you go!
[from this list of prompts]
[5. 'are you jealous' - 27. 'i'm pregnant' - 32. 'i think i'm in love with you and i'm terrified' (LATEST) 44. 'if you die, i'm gonna kill you' - 41. 'you did all of this for me?' - 46. 'hey, have you seen...? oh']
14. 'hey, i'm with you, okay? always.'
The first time Anakin visits, he's so angry that he cannot speak for the first two hours. Obi-Wan sits against the wall of his cell, on the floor even though the Jedi have provided him a perfectly comfortable bed and chair. The Force collar around his neck looks wrong. His master sitting on the floor, dressed in the dull orange of a prisoner's jumpsuit looks wrong.
Anakin is so angry that he can't speak. He can only look and tremble until he is told he must leave.
Obi-Wan does not speak either. He does not even look at him.
Maybe that's what makes his anger harder to bear. Anakin knows that Obi-Wan has met with countless other Jedi. Visitors, friends, allies, people who are working with him on his defense case. He knows that the other man talks to them, has sliced into security holo footage to see it for himself, though no one will tell him what is said. Everyone always leaves looking frustrated, but at least Obi-Wan talks to them.
But not Anakin. Even though it is Anakin that Obi-Wan has hurt the most. Anakin, who deserves to know why from Obi-Wan's mouth.
After all--
"He was like a father to me," Anakin spits at him on his second visit, only a few days later. Going to see Obi-Wan in the Coruscanti prison cell where he is awaiting trial is like an itch. Scratched once, Anakin finds he cannot help himself from digging his claws in.
Obi-Wan is still against the wall. His beard has grown slightly longer. His head is tilted back against the wall, though when Anakin speaks, his eyes slide down from the ceiling to rest on him.
"I'm starting to think you say that to all the boys," his former master who is a murderer says in that lilting familiar drawl.
"You killed him."
"Yes," Obi-Wan agrees, because apparently part of his defense case is not to plead not guilty to the murder of the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. Anakin would say that may be problematic, but then--there are security holos, soundless and slightly blurred, of the event. Of Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi taking tea with Chancellor Palpatine. Talking in civil gestures for thirty minutes. Requesting, as far as anyone can tell, for the Chancellor to fetch him a pot of sugar. Lighting his saber and beheading him the moment the old man's back was turned. "Yes, I did."
"Why?" Anakin yells, voice cracking on the word. He doesn't understand. He thinks the not-knowing will drive him to madness. He thinks maybe it already has. It has been two weeks since the Chancellor's murder. Half the Senate is seeking Obi-Wan's execution.
The war, theoretically, has paused, like even the Separatists are holding their breath. Waiting. Wondering.
Obi-Wan looks at him quietly for a moment. For five. His face is stoic, resolved. Beloved, even after this.
Then--for a singular second--the mask cracks, and his master stares at him as if he needs to see him in order to survive. He looks hungry and exhausted and relieved, down to the bones.
"How have your nightmares been lately, padawan?" he asks him, and Anakin is so disgusted by the word--by the title that Obi-Wan doesn't get to say after killing the Chancellor, killing Anakin's friend--that he turns and leaves without another thought.
He is back a day later. He has never known how to keep his distance from things that can hurt him, that's what his mother always said. Too curious by half. Too sure of his own invincibility. That's what his master always said.
Anakin isn't sure of anything anymore.
"Why did you kill him?" Anakin asks. Obi-Wan's beard is longer. He is still on the floor. It rankles, the sight of him brought so low. "Did someone tell you to?"
Obi-Wan lets his head fall forward, a puppet with its strings cut. "Do you think me so biddable, Anakin?"
Anakin today. Not padawan. As if Obi-Wan has learned his lesson. As if he is as desperate for Anakin to linger in his presence as Anakin is hopelessly addicted to returning.
Padmé had tried to stop him this morning. Had tried to tell him it would do no good to see him, that the justice system would do its work, that Anakin was only hurting himself by returning over and over again. She pointed out that he had nightmares last night, for the first time since the news of the Chancellor's death reached them.
He hadn't had the heart to tell her that his nightmares were not about the Chancellor dying, but about Obi-Wan facing down an execution squad. About Anakin, standing on the deck of the Invisible Hand, Palpatine's voice in his ear, telling him to do it, do it. Cut off the traitor's head, only to look down and find that the two sabers he is holding are familiar to him, and person on his knees before him is his master.
Anakin had woken with a yell around one in the morning, sweat soaked and shaking. He hadn't been able to sleep again.
Maybe that's why he feels so alive now, slightly manic and still trembling as he paces in front of the Force barrier of Obi-Wan's cell. Did someone tell Obi-Wan to cut him down? he'd had the thought somewhere around five in the morning. Had it been someone Obi-Wan trusted? Someone he loved?
Who stood to gain from the death of the Chancellor? Who had the Chancellor ever hurt or threatened?
Anakin walks as close as he dares to get to the cell. "Master," he says, coaxes really, pushing forward until he can hear the hum of the force field.
Obi-Wan's head thumps back against the wall and he watches him from under his eyelashes.
"Master, I'm with you, alright? Hey, I'm with you, always, alright, always, so if someone told you, manipulated you, just tell me please. I'll find them. I'll get them to turn themselves in, master. Just tell me. Why did you kill him?"
Obi-Wan closes his eyes. He looks for all the world as if he is meditating, save for that collar around his neck. The prison garb. He doesn't look like a murderer, but he is. He is. He killed the Chancellor. He is going to face execution. Anakin is going to have to watch him die too and all he can think is that he knows that Obi-Wan doesn't even kriffing like sugar in his karking tea.
"Answer me!" Anakin yells, lifting his fist and forgetting himself for just long enough that he slams it against the barrier. He pulls it back with a curse as the force field short-circuits his mech arm and the prison alarm blares out a warning siren.
This time, he is led away from the cell by a Coruscanti guard. He is advised to not return for a standard week. The entire time he is exiled from the prison, the only thing he can think about is the expression on Obi-Wan's face as he watches him leave: eyes wide open and forehead wrinkled with concern, as if worried that Anakin had hurt himself.
The day after he is allowed to return, he does. He does not want to seem too eager or desperate, so he waits until it's early in the evening before pointing his speeder towards the prison unit.
"It had to have been someone you loved," Anakin announces as he stops in front of Obi-Wan's cell. He's in his bed this time, lying on his back and looking at the ceiling. He does not twitch at Anakin's voice, though Anakin can tell that he's not asleep, though his eyes are closed. He can tell just from the minute lines of tension he's holding in his shoulders, his neck.
How can Anakin know him so well and not know that he is capable of this? Of murder on this scale?
"Hm?" Obi-Wan finally says, when the silence drags on and it becomes clear that Anakin will not say more until he has engaged. Anakin watches this war play out in the subtle movements of Obi-Wan's facial muscles as well. He knows him so well. He knows him better than he knows anyone else in the galaxy.
"The person you killed him for. You had to have loved him more than anything else in the entire galaxy to kill a man the way you did. Defenseless. Over sugar. You don't--you don't even take sugar in your tea! It was a coward's way of killing--and it doesn't--you would never. Not unless it was for someone you loved."
Obi-Wan's eyes blink open, but he doesn't look away from the ceiling. He doesn't look at Anakin.
"I don't--I don't know what harm you think Sheev Palpatine could cause to anyone, but that has to be it. Nothing else makes sense. You loved someone enough to kill for them, and you killed the Chancellor."
The words come out easily. Anakin has practiced them for a week now; it is the only thing that makes sense. Nothing else makes sense. Nothing else but love could make a man like Obi-Wan do what he did. He must have loved someone a lot. He must love them more than the Republic. More than his own freedom.
The first time Anakin had told Padmé his theory, she'd looked at him for ages, until he'd grown angry and defensive. She'd touched his arm, as if that could hold back this hurricane brewing inside his chest, and said, "I don't know if you're right, Ani. I don't know if I think you're wrong either. It's just...you sound so...jealous."
At least Obi-Wan doesn't say the same thing. But what he does say may be even worse. Because he doesn't deny it. He doesn't protest. All he says is, "And who is it that you think I love more than anything else in the galaxy, padawan?"
Anakin has thought about this, too. "Bail Organa," he makes himself say, even though the name curls his lips up into a sneer. Bail Organa, the man who has been voted the interim Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. The man who has gotten everything from this assassination, while Anakin has had his everything taken away.
On his cot, Obi-Wan's eyes slide closed. His mouth quirks up. "Ah," he says, as if he has had something he has long expected to confirmed to him. He says nothing else.
It makes Anakin want to hit the barrier again. It makes him want to scream. It makes him want to be petty, hurt Obi-Wan back in the same way that Anakin feels hurt even though it doesn't make sense, none of this makes sense. But it feels as if Obi-Wan has kept half of himself secret from Anakin, a whole love, his entire capacity to love, and Anakin wants to prove that he has as well.
So he says, voice mean and sharp, "Padmé is pregnant. The med-droid says it is twins."
Everything else remains unspoken, but surely audible. That they are his. That he never stopped seeing Padmé. Perhaps even that she is his wife.
On the cot, behind the Force barrier, in his chains, Obi-Wan opens his eyes and blinks at the ceiling. His lips form a small smile, as he says, still not looking at Anakin, still not looking at Anakin, "I know, dear one. Why do you think the Chancellor had to die?"
#asks#obikin#i mean again theyre not kissing but theyre in love#anakin doesn't realize it but its true#obi-wan realizes it#and literally committed murder about it#and is ready to take the whole blame and go down for it without involving the jedi or anakin#to protect anakin (because he's concerned that the jedi would be wary of anakin if they found sidious' plans for him?#because the jedi order may kick anakin out for having a wife and soon kids? idk obi-wan is just determined to be silent about the whole thn#just to make sure anakin is the safest and happiest lil snap pea#meanwhile anakin is having un-gifted by sidious nightmares about obi-wan dying#and padmé is like baby i think you're forgetting that whoever you think obi-wan is in love with isnt in trouble#like being loved by obi-wan wouldn't be a crime#killing the chancellor - that's a crime#allegedly kissing your master is not a crime#and anakin is like i see NO difference. the interloper must die#(which is at least 10% how obi-wan felt when he killed sidious after#a.figuring out all the weird grooming stuff sidious did with anakin#b. figuring out palpatine is sidious via idk some sort of force vision on the invisible hand or smth#c. reading the intricate plans sidious has for anakin once he becomes his master)#lol so far this is the only ficlet where im like#yeah i could probably write a whole 12k one shot on this#kenobi's trial#that ends the day before the verdict reading because anakin is that worried he'll be executed#so he breaks him out and forces him on the run#completely forgetting about his new family#because he has his Master Obi-Wan goggles on
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natandacat · 4 months ago
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For s3 i either want armand to be lost in the fog absolutely no contact whatsoever with any of the cast (potentially they could do something fun by putting him in his suicide attempt era now and hes currently somewhere doing his thing with sybelle & benji) OR i want him to be fucking everyone but like. In secret.
Louis is fucking armand bc of bad divorce decisions and bc its somehow a better idea than fucking lestat right now (aaaand he kinda accidentally called daniel claudia during his early fledgling craze so hes forbidding himself from fucking him until that starts making sense). Also the sex was real good for 74 years and fucking around is a bit too san francisco for his taste so as long as he doesnt think about it too much this is a good arrangement. Armand is NOT allowed to call him maître or to mention anything serious at all though. The longest sentence they say to each other is like "take off your clothes" and thats IT.
Lestat is fucking armand bc louis wont fuck him and armand is looking reaaaally dishevelled these days and its activating his obsession with dolling him up. Lestat gets to give him long scented baths every time he shows up grimmier than the last and dress him up in whatever high fashion garments hes got in his closet that armand can make snide comments about -which they both enjoy as old snobs. Also gabrielle might be more around bc of the akasha business so shes on his mind a lot and armand is always eager to indulge his mommy kink as a way to one-up gabrielle.
Daniel is fucking armand but armand does wipe his mind about it bc he still wants to do the whole absent father thing as a misplaced act of what he believes is kindness but also hes very lonely and he cant help but indulge in the fantasy of a fledgling who wants him around (which is kinda real by daniel molloy standards but armand is convinced that he knows best and daniel hates him. Which is true but daniel kinda just needs like an apology and to scream at him for 3 uninterrumpted days which armand cannot comprehend for now)
None of them are aware that everyone else is fucking armand so when they meet theyre all like "ah yes armand... havent heard of him... yeah its been years..." when they just got their backs blown out like 2 hours ago
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julijbee · 1 year ago
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girlbossing too close to the sun.
#art#ive literally just been treating this game as a library simuator#i walk from bookseller to bookseller opening up all of their books#vivecs sermons are either a highlight or the point at which i stop reading#ive been trying to convince the ordinators that imitation is the highest form of flattery but it hasnt been working#let me wear your helmets please theyre so funny..#posting morrowind in 2024 isnt a cry for help but youre not wrong to be concerned.#morrowind#almalexia#vivec#im going to explain the chitin armor give me a moment#so the bonewalker nerevar on the shrines is adorable and it was only after drawing it however many times that i realized#it looked relatively close to a modified chitin armor#and so i modified chitin armor a few times and this was probably the cutest result#i also know i drew almalexia relatively pristine and untouched by years and vivec not so much but my thought process was#vivecs role as if not a favorite then the most accessible divine or the most “hands on” in a manner of speaking#acting in ways visible to the general population or actions explicitly brought to their attention#like not that almalexia isnt doing anything she is#but the dissemination of information regarding that is very different etc etc etc#anyways to a certain extent a god is the face on a shrine or in art or upon a statue or carving#but vivecs presence is interwoven with the geography of vvardenfell especially and his actions and writings with pubished materials#and the arts and culture and customs etc etc etc#so to me the face of a god you know and feel a commonality with or a god that walks alongside you is a face you would recognize#and vivec is already otherworldly looking enough#the simple mark of the years on his skin in some way grounding him in reality felt more right#that and i think the ways in which he and almalexia care about outward appearance are slightly different- they prioritize different things#and the ways they present outward power and their embodiment of their respective attributes share some similarities as they both have that#important preoccupation with physical power and physical strength to a certain degree#oh my god nobody read this i am yapping so bad.#tes
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shalomniscient · 19 days ago
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arlecchino is so husband meanwhile feixiao is so boyfriend. does that make sense
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dykedvonte · 28 days ago
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"Are you gonna feed Curly his meds? He really suffers without them..."
The irony of Anya's statement and that Curly arguably suffers more with the medication but it gives them, and arguably Anya, the peace of mind that he'll quiet down, easing their emotional suffering.
#something something anyas way of talking about post crash curly is easy to miss interms of her ableism cause i argue its the worse cause#shes supposed to be the most caring just like how curly was supposed to be the one making sure she was safe and how their dynamic flips#cause of course jimmy is the way he is to curly post crash and anya precrash but just like you expect more from curly before you expect#more from anya to not be more concerned by his noise at the end of it all and to not talk about him like hes not there cause she likely#thinks hes mentally hollow. like this isnt hate to anya but i think we need to acknowedge more how she has the same exact#issues with connection and trying and stagnation as the others and what she goes through should not be a reason to not analyze her faults#on these fronts#like sorry pals she did not try at all to actually connect to curly outside of her own way which is just not how you reach out like we have#no basis for how hard she tried but from what we see her just expressing that desire is not the same as making the attempts and i will#die on the hill that the miscommunication between anya and curly on a social front was two ways with Anya trying to communicate with curly#only in her own way and thinking from his side hes rejecting her or not getting it while curly is in his own head not hearing the full side#of anything like im sorry she was not making the major attempts the way we portray it in tandem with Curly leaning towards Jimmy#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#captain curly#curlya#yeah this is whatever version of doomed curlya i think everyone on that ship is sort of a mid person with their own biases /pos#feeling better last days have been stressful and tiring and i have so many projects but hey! I signed the lease on my apartment I am a type#of owner of a type of home yay
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mbat · 4 months ago
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i yet again do NOT understand why people think that what happened to steven in future came out of nowhere. the main show beats it into the ground how fucked up all this stuff has him! just cause he ends the main show in a good place doesnt mean that everything was solved! he solved the gem stuff but not himself, that was the whole point!
like. those people show that they didnt even pay attention to the show AND they dont understand trauma. like. shut the fuck up !!!!
#my post#su#liveblogging#how do you fucking miss the whole EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THE MAIN SHOW#no child or teenager should go through that!! no one should tbf but especially them#like ok fine. other shows do this stuff all the time and theres no consequences. but su was never the show to do that lol#i know im bringing up discourse from years ago but the thing is is that people STILL hold these opinions!#like. bro athena p on youtube has THE MOST JANK su opinions. she doesnt like pearl or future ? hello?#like ok whatever you dont have to like something but then she starts going into *why* and its like. bro stop talking no#yet again its just like people that say that cassandras betrayal came out of nowhere. NO IT DIDNT FUCK OFF#im so mad dude its so easy to understand this stuff for me#also trauma can absolutely wait to manifest or show its ugly head#he showed concerning behaviors in the main show but. aughhhh whateverrr whatever whatever whatever#its also that he was finally in a good calm place in future and when youre in a calm place your trauma brain goes THIS ISNT RIGHT#it gets so used to the stressful situations you were in that itll still think things are wrong even when nothing is#because it cant risk bringing its guard down in case stuff happens all over again#or some shit like that. fuck#and steven? babey hes been in stressful situations for a long time#ew why does this post have notes lol i thought itd get like 5 notes. im not opening the notes thing lmaoo fuck that
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puckpocketed · 3 months ago
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just happy to be a part of the group
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writer-room · 2 years ago
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Obsessed with Lloyd never mentioning his grandfather is the First Spinjitsu Master, apparently to the point even Arin didn't seem to know, because "eh, it never came up". Cause like, yeah, sure, my grandfather is God, what of it? Normal day for me. Shit happens. My dad is also evil, you wanna talk about that? I sure don't.
It's also funny from a character arc perspective. Here's itty bitty baby first season Lloyd, loudly proclaiming he's the son of Garmadon, and probably also making sure everyone knows he's God part 3 electric boogaloo. And then one Tomorrow's Tea and a few more years later and he's doing everything physically possible to NOT care about his heritage. In fact he'd probably rather his parentage was literally anyone else. Dude could care so less he forgets about it most of the time. King behavior.
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handweavers · 1 year ago
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i'm a weaver my time is spent sitting at looms and spinning wheels and sewing machines and dye pots, and my ability to make any money at all comes from the fact that my work can't be truly reproduced by machine and speaks to my own and others' desire to reconnect with acts of making and living that are slower and emphasize the physicality of our lives, that we are present in our bodies in a physical world and we are sensorial creatures who relate to each other and the world through tactile means. it serves as a reminder that there is a lot we can do away from screens, that there is joy and meaning to be found in creating something with your hands, and that through this we can find channels to address and learn to live with grief and loss without running from the fact that we are living animals with meatbodies and a finite amount of time.
i think it would be very easy for me to fall into a trap where all modern technology is bad and we need to escape it at all costs and to take a luddite approach to technology - literally a luddite approach, because the phrase "luddite" comes from workers in england during the industrial revolution who destroyed machinery in cotton and wool mills to protest the introduction of that machinery as cost saving measures by the capitalists. but the problem in that situation wasn't inherently the machinery that processed cotton and wool more efficiently, it was that the people who owned the factories used that technology as an excuse to pay fewer workers and maximize profit while creating more unsafe working conditions for the workers that remained. in a situation where the workers owned the factory and the machinery, the introduction of this machinery wouldn't have necessarily been harmful but rather potentially helpful to the workers, for whom more free time wouldn't be a death sentence and proper precautions in the use of the machinery to protect human life could be prioritized
i don't want to make the mistake of confusing technology or some other boogeyman as my enemy. the enemy is capitalism, and i choose to prioritize class consciousness over my private existential worries about new technological developments. all the tech we use is made by humans, just like this economic system we live in. we have the capacity to dismantle economic systems and build new ones, just as we have the capacity to use the tech we make in ways that benefit rather than harm us and the world we live in. my gut tendency is to be distrustful of new tech but i have to remind myself that it isn't helpful and it obfuscates what's actually going on.
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mcytegg · 4 months ago
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What if Ro gets banned?
im gonna be so honest, i dont think being banned would affect how often he plays the server so like......
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oceanwithouthermoon · 9 months ago
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maybe its just me but i cant stand when people are like "it just doesn't sit right with me how teruhashi thought about aiura 🥺" like yes... its not supposed to ??? because her thinking badly of other girls and prioritizing male validation over everything is one of her main flaws ??? can we talk about that WITHOUT making it seem like shes not allowed to have a single actual flaw without suddenly becoming an awful person? nobody can handle complex female characters at all and its so fucking annoying
#you guys all missed the point of her development AND her and saiki's relationship development#like did you miss the parts where the only times he genuinely seems to not like something she does is when shes mean to other girls#and he still understands that she isnt a bad person for having bad thoughts in the private comfort of her mind#and besides... in this case she was literally just being a dramatic and insecure teenage girl LMAO#like dont fucking lie to me and tell me when you were her age you didnt have similar thoughts#youre worse than her if you lie about it while judging her for it#sorryyyy#she shouldve been MORE unhinged youre all just cowards#AND ALSO ? how can something even be 'mean' if its just a thought#thats like if u opened ur friends private diary without permission and then unfriended them over something they said in a random upset vent#and in this specific situation if u found out ur friend called someone a bitch because they liked the same person as her ??#LIKE THATS ?? its bad but its not as crazy as you guys make it out to be#shes allowed to be angry and insecure in the privacy of HER OWN MIND#idk if this makes sense but i just feel that her thoughts are more of a concern about her wellbeing than anything else#like she canonically is extremely kind to others even when she doesnt want to be so why are we worried about how she treats others.#theyre fine. im worried about HER.#and WHY her mindset is so negative... but u guys dont give a shit because u cant handle even a spec of complexity#sorry ive said all this before i just like to rant#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#teruhashi kokomi#meows post
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zinzabee · 1 year ago
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POV: It's Valentine's Day but you and your partner are on the aromantic spectrum.
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hellomagicalsouls · 2 months ago
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eddie is the only long term friend buck has ever had and eddie never really left him before. yes the lawsuit arc but they got over that were completely back to normal. its been buckandeddie for 6/7 years and now thats gone. he's struggling and grasping on to whatever or whoever he can and rightfully so its hard to make friends. he's never had to make friends since he was 26? he's trying to find eddie in people which is why he keeps bringing him up to anyone who will listen because he needs that connection of him being there even if he isnt. because buck doesn't know how to be alone and so he won't be alone
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