#this isnt anything negative so im not gonna tag it as such

[heirtotheempire]

As I read through the Ascendency trilogy, it is becoming more and more clear that the Chiss Ascendency is as hateful as the Empire. And it's odd how few people call that out. I think it is because Zahn does a fantastic job at hiding it through Chiss POV, but even then, the Chiss are still incredibly xenophobic and controlling. Yes, this includes Thrawn, he isn't the saint that so many people like to paint him as and frankly could be argued as worse.

I keep thinking about Ar'alani admitting she never saw non-Chiss as people. She is brilliant and kind, but only to other Chiss. We view her in a purely positive light because the POVs in these books are primarily Chiss, who agree with her. Of course her mindset is normal amongst Chiss, of course it isn't questioned, of course Ar'alani herself never questions it despite her experience off-world. It takes a direct and pretty personal interaction for her to think twice, and even then it is difficult for her to accept the humanity of a non-Chiss. They are lesser in her eyes. They are lesser in the eyes of most, if not all, of the Chiss.

It is fascinating, it really is. It's an interesting look into a xenophobic society without the initial hate from the reader. Because xenophobia is born out of misunderstanding and perpetuated systems of ignorance. If a similar situation was told but through the eyes of Imperial officers, fewer people would be willing to see the nuances. Because Empire=Bad and anyone associating with it is also Bad, right?

But, propaganda and cycles of ignorance are also to blame. Not every Imperial Officer was born hating aliens. Hell, even TARKIN started out incredibly sympathetic to alien species according to the canon novel by James Luceno. But his family taught him otherwise, just as the Chiss Ascendency teaches its own children see other species as lesser.

This mentality from the Ascendency is also seen in Thrawn: Treason with how Eli Vanto is treated simply for being human. The majority of officers hate his existence, insist he must prove himself (despite being at a lower rank than he was at when with the Empire), and are distrustful of him. Very similar to how Ronan treats Thrawn in the same novel.

This isn't, like, a call to love Chiss characters any less, but it's a bit odd to imply that Thrawn, or any other Chiss, would be against the Empire for the same reasons the Rebellion is. The Ascendency doesn't like the Empire because it could encroach on their rule, their space- not because it's xenophobic and oppresses too many people to count. The two systems are remarkably similar, which may be part of why Thrawn was inclined to help the Empire. It is familiar, and a system Thrawn himself has never opposed, even without taking Legends into account.

(SIDE NOTE: PLEASE DO NOT BRING UP SPOILERS FOR GREATER GOOD OR LESSER EVIL ON THIS POST. I AM STILL READING THOSE BOOKS AND WOULD LIKE TO ENJOY THEM SPOILER-FREE)

[blackvahana]

i am really never going to understand why people post "shifting antis dni" in the astral projection tag. "here practice that constantly gets appropriated by us and used as a weird justification for a new set of beliefs that aren't really based in the same reality you work with, and that also gets completely misunderstood by our community because we don't care to understand what you do and just pretend we know it's what we do like christians saying other religions worship the christian god, have a post! Also dni if you don't like our practice that has nothing to do with the one whose tag we just shoved this into"

if you're not astral projecting don't put shit in the ap tag. if you don't even know the difference between AP and RS I dont think your opinion holds enough weight to counter the pushback against flooding a separate practice's tag with "if you dont like the practice I'm talking about in your tags dni"

[waywardsalt]

Have you ever thought about how Linebeck describes Jolene as "crazier than a rabid squid"- only to then be possessed by a literal rabid squid later in the game?

Cause I sure have- especially after seeing a lot of your BellumxLinebeck stuff

mmmmghmm im gonna be honest i haven't thought about it much at all

linking it to my bellum x linebeck thoughts, im not too sure what to make of it in context with my other linebeck notes and w/e

there's also my idea that linebeck has a special interested in shellfish and by extension squids, and the idea of him having a weird thing for bellum, and just... enjoying sealife, and it's kinda of...

he compares her to a rabid squid to link in order to i think... offer a shorthand explanation of what she's like, and i think it (with some other stuff) is kinda just another little peek into how he might feel abt her?

i mean he also compares link to a dog in that one letter? i'm not sure where im going with that one. i dont think linebeck particularly likes dogs

i'm not sure abt the link between that and him getting possessed, jolene is kind of just... there a lot of the time and doesn't really do anything except 1) show that linebeck has enemies and 2) show that people know about link's quest by the end, linebeck generally references sea creatures a few times in ph

relating to bellum x linebeck, i dont see him comparing jolene to a squid an indicator of anything in relation to that, with linebeck having a thing for bellum its more of like. there's a lot of complicated ideas i have with what goes on between them during bellumbeck and bellum being a squid thing is more linebeck having a bit of a monsterfucker streak and having a bit of a thing for like. being tied up. as for literal squids he kinda just likes them as food and to dissect and learn about

like i think 'rabid squid' is more like linebeck just tossing out some derogatory shorthand to explain how he thinks of jolene as some fucking. violent annoyance he has to deal with that he doesn't fully understand

tbh i see the comparison but imo it comes down to a difference in characters and interactions and histories, there is the rabid squid thing (and i think in the manga too theres a vague parallel drawn ig) but im not. sure. what there is there just beyond. linebeck talks about sea creatures and wants to get the fuck away from jolene

i'm not entirely certain what you've been thinking about with that comparison, but i haven't been thinking much about it and it's kinda. eh ig???? its something

[priceforrottenjudgement]

Ive seen a lot of bitching about hotd in the tag, which surprised me bc there was none of this two weeks ago and now all these ppl are acting like season 2 sucks and its badly written and its rewriting the books and bla bla. This surprised me, so i did a little snooping

Like. First off, isnt grrm consulting them this time? I know he was doing it for s1 and im sure i read he was doing s2 too. I cant say anything about bad writing, tbh i havent examined it that closely bc nothing about pacing or dialogue has bothered me enough to spend time thinking about it.

The "its not like the book!!!" Thing really bothers me though bc have you read the book? Lmao im not so sure bc some of the stuff you complain about is so weird, also how did you miss that fire & blood has deeply unreliable narrators? It literally says gyldayn is an unreliable narrator on the Wikipedia, hes taking a bunch of biased sources and kind of patches the history of house targaryen together. If you had read the book, youd KNOW that it isnt a definitive chronicle and stuff was likely altered, embellished and left out. Some of the alterations make sense, because why would some maester know about these ppls private lives. Fire and blood is full of propaganda, rumours and bias. Also the stuff that WAS changed isnt really that deep? I really like the change to the rhaenicent dynamic (ill come back to this, theres a reason ppl seem to hate this change lmao), i dont care about maelor and the nettes changes dont bother me that much? (Some ppl are convinced rhaena will get the ENTIRE nettles storyline. Which would indeed suck cough cough, but i dont think thats where theyre going at all lmao)

So i took a look at some of the other opinions of ppl who really really HATE s2 and, WOOOOOOWWWWW,there sure is a lot of homophobia on the yuri Website huh? All of a sudden it makes sense why these ppl popped up 2 weeks ago huh? (And why theyre so bitchy about the changes to alicents character not being a wicked stepmother but more of an... almost lover) Wow, what a fucking pathetic reason to be a hater. Awww nooooooooo this female character is kissing women noooo, theyre ruined!! Even though the relationship was kind of maybe sort of a little implied in the book. (Granted the book talks about a close relationship between rhaenyra, mysaria and DAMON, but see above for rumours and inaccuracies) Also there are a lot of ppl who were genuinely Team green (i did not realise those ppl existed unironically, gonna be honest) who are mad that Team green is portrayed more negatively than Team black and apparently thats unfair. Yeah, idk what to say about that, do you always expect to opposing sides of a fictional conflict to be treated the same and to be equally good and justified? Granted, the "pick a side" Marketing was dumb and encouraged this sort of thinking, but those two teams are not equal lol you can still like the characters even though theyre cheaters, usurpers and Bad ppl.

If you had genuinely read and UNDERSTOOD the books and that theyre full of propaganda you would understand why SOME PPL are either portrayed more positively or more negatively in the show than they were in the book. Just consider WHO was writing the history for one sec.

Yeah, rant over, this was just too ridiculous not to get off my chest.

Like yeah, you can criticise some of the changes and the simple fact that 8 ep seasons are SHIT for building a plot, but considering some ppl call an ep "filler" just because nobody got roasted by a dragon, maybe we dont deserve 20 ep seasons with a slow building of plot and tension anymore....

[notnights]

This is gonna be long because im an overthinker AND an overtalker- sorry in advance 😭

alright so i found out you wrote a fic for Ribbuns and immediately went off to check it out, and the tags actually scared me cause my taste for ribbun fics is smthn cute and fluffy- bc they get enough hate as it is, i didnt want them to hate eachother as well lol. Idk, the tags made it seem as if there wouldnt have been a happy ending where they both end up liking eachother.

BUT once I read it!! yes it started off negative, Gangle hating him and the overall relationship theme being kinda toxic (its probably tame but im not mentally strong for this ok) although its deserved since, you know, Jax. No hate to him or anything, the fic says it all lmao

but the way you write them-- it made me open my eyes to this type of relationship between them, particularly on how Gangle had- what, a power trip?- in this relationship, treating Jax badly but him still loving her. Woke smthn up in me frfr; ESPECIALLY THIS (along with more scenes but i esp like the power Gangle is shown to have here over him):

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He shuts up when she says his name though. Nothing more, just a clear command to stop and a quick glance up to his face. Will question why that tickles her brain later.(Acetate Tears, Chapter 1)

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this made me fall in love (as well as understand the trope more) for power trips in toxic love.

Almost made me change teams, to look for angsty toxic ribbun content despite my mentality, until:

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Jax leans into her, pounces. Gives her silly wet kisses. She gives a squeaky scream. Weakly attempts to push him away from her, despite knowing she deserves this. Well maybe not this specifically , but some form of punishment. (same source)

----------------

THIS made me giggle and kick my feet in glee, reminding me of my love for soft kisses in fics

TLDR; your fic is honestly one of the best Ribbun fics ive read so far (im still digging through the tags!! I'm desperate for more!!) and it also awoken smthn in me that i tried to ignore hehe.

I LOVE your perception on their relationship, their behaviours, mindset, everything! Here's to hoping you'll write more ribbun, but its ok if u dont!! 🐰🎀

(im not good with words, but i hope my love for your fic is shared thru this jumble of words lol. I also hope episode 4 gives more depth to Ribbun's relationship that can bring more supporters instead of hate, since its gonna be focused on Gangle🤲)

((OH and im sharing my thoughts here instead of ao3 bc i'm super duper shy for no reason -carbon footprint scares me- and somehow tumblr asks in anon mode isnt as scary. Again, srry im saying so much 💀You dont hv to answer this since its long and not rlly an ask lmao))

Aw hey this is sweet thank you! You're all good, I am also an overthinker and overtalker (if that hasn't been apparent by the way I answer asks already) so I get it!

the tags actually scared me... Idk, the tags made it seem as if there wouldnt have been a happy ending where they both end up liking eachother.

Hey that's alright! That's what the tags are for to make sure this is something a potential reader can handle or get prepare for! The unfortunate thing is I obviously don't want to give away too much with them such as the happy ending, so I totally understand if it wards some people off. Respect for those who know their limits!

I also wanted to leave the ending a bit ambiguous as to if they truly ended up together or not. And depending on what you're hoping for with the story might not be the happy ending [Ganlge voice] you were hoping for.

particularly on how Gangle had- what, a power trip?- in this relationship, treating Jax badly but him still loving her.

One of my favorite things in stories about relationships is that one brings out something in the other they didn't know they needed to let out. Helps balance themselves out. Jax lets Gangle let out more than just "sadness" he lets her find out she's more than a pity party, she has anger to release and resentment to express (among other emotions). She has more than two emotions.

And while this is primarily a comment on Gangle, (this ain't about Jax right now...) Gangle lets Jax find out he's someone capable of relinquishing and receiving of love (the thing about him hating the idea of them having a "happily ever after.")

THIS made me giggle and kick my feet in glee, reminding me of my love for soft kisses in fics

Glad to hear it! I do really like Jax and Gangle being cute. But I like it more when it's after all the hard stuff. One of those well earned things. A cold glass of lemonade after mowing the grass. Eating something salty before eating something sweet and it makes it taste even sweeter!

A lot of folks make cute Jax and Gangle content that it makes me forget I don't make enough of it. Those of y'all who make cute stuff balance out whatever the hell I'm doing over here! So thanks for that.

All these things are very kind of you to say also! Thank you! It means a lot that you came to say them even though you were so shy!

Good luck with your searching! I hope you find more that you enjoy.

And yess I'm very excited for the Gangle episode either if it has some interaction between them or not. Because while I ship them and they're my two favorite characters, as my boyfriend describes "you just like Jax as an accessory to Gangle." Oops! Here's two hoping that sticker set implies there is some more meaningful interaction between them there.

[ask-heather-duke]

— this is an OOC intro

. idk how to start this :,3

. ooc i use it/they/he , fleur or duke (either name is fine, whichever you like best i suppose!!)

. might not be 100% canon but i will try , my headcanons will be mixed in here though

. im okay with any ships, just nothing to do with kurt or ram . ask me , ill most likely say yes if i fw it 😋

. my main blog is @heatherdukesblazer , i post art and stuff..,.,

. i am a minor!!!!! no nsfw stuff. jokes and refrences are okay, but nothing like,, outright sexual / nsfw if that makes sense

im also kinda nervous to do this so pls be patient i am NOT good at this stuff i get very anxious, replies to stuff may be slow

incharacter stuff will be tagged as #in character / #ic post

out of character stuff will be tagged as #out of character / #ooc post

feel free to @ me in anything! i am way too anxious to start conversations tbh,,

and a minor warning, i probably will make afew 'im gonna kms' jokes, if you're uncomfortable with them just lmk and ill tag them with a tw / stop doing it around you :3

i dont really rp with any specific people, so feel free to start up something :3

chanduke is canon here 💥💥💥💥💥💥

asks are always open!

The # Me when i lie 🎀🎀🎀🎀 tag is just duke being gay, Basically

- headcanons i will be using !

. lesbian + heavy closested t-fem heather duke (projecting around the trans part COUGHCOUGH....)

. low empathy autistic

* elabortating on 'low empathy', more with negative emotions. she doesnt struggle with most positive stuff, fake it til you make it, but she just doesnt upset easily and she doesnt really understabd how most people can be upset over some stuff because she isnt :3

. cat lover !!! also allergic to cats

. probably asexual, nobody knows

^ shes aceflux, btw, thought i should clarify

. she has 2 brothers nd a dog :3

more will probably be added idk

if you have questions about anything feel free to message me on my main or on here ! :D

[ i might make an ic intro uhhhhh idrk,, soon,, ]

[cowboybrunch]

writerblr interview tag!

thank you for the tags @tragedycoded (here) @sableglass (here) and @saturnine-saturneight (here) <3 ive been meaning to get to this one for a minute sooo let's get into it

Short stories, novels, or poems?

i started with poetry, so it has a special place in my heart. all of my short stories turn into beasts. is it a cop out answer to say all of the above?

What genre do you prefer reading?

it'd be easier to list what genres i don't like. when i say ill read anything, i mean ill read anything. lately i've been on a sci fi kick (thanks Pierce Brown) but i love a good modern trashy romance as much as the next guy (i read the booktok sludge so you dont have to!) im not really a nonfiction guy but hey, if anyone has some recs, ill give em a shot

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

def NOT a planner. usually when i start writing i have a vague idea of where we start and where we need to end up, but what happens along the way is a surprise for everyone involved

What music do you listen to while writing?

SILENCE. sometimes white noise. i cant focus with music, brain gets jumbled

Favorite books/movies?

of all time? oh god for books, probably This Is How You Lose the Time War or The Song of Achilles but The Locked Tomb series is def up there. not a novel but i've read Bluets by Maggie Nelson so many times i probably have it memorized by now favorite movie is Zoolander, easy answer. that movie owns. i can watch it on repeat and ill never get sick of it

Any current WIPs?

Dust to Dust is still alive but im taking a bit of a hiatus before hopping into the final bit (tag is here if you wanna see me ramble about it) Felix Wonder is the fun time brain break WIP of choice currently and im working on draft 3 of Burden of the Reluctant Death (we will get to the ending this time. we will)

Create a character description of yourself: 

Elusive, or pretends to be. Too much energy in too small a body. Refuses to sit properly in a chair. Prone to fits of melancholy remedied by sunlight. Easily excitable, but fussy. Same outfit every day: big sweater, little pants, fuzzy socks. Nails bitten bloody but at least her hair is clean (if a bit too long for summer)

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

i could say no but that would make me a liar

Are you kill happy with your characters?

i was gonna make a joke but it would be spoilers soo. i write about grief. no way everyone makes it out alive

Coffee or Tea while writing?

coffee. i dont like tea (sorry sorry!)

Slow or fast writer?

im very much a burst writer so. flood or drought, no in between. lately i'd say SLOW but im just waiting for that spark u get me?

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

this really isnt fantasy but i feel like i was destined to be the kind, slightly off-putting maintenance man in a haunted apartment building that says cryptic things like "don't take the east elevator on a full moon" and "the air conditioning has made that noise since the fire in 12B"

Most fav book cliche:

yea there's only one bed and ill eat it up every single time!!! also: "i didnt know where else to go" or basically any overdone romance trope you can think of. im here for it

Least favorite cliche:

if there's a cliche that i dont like, i havent found it yet

Favorite scene to write?

confession scenes of any kind! scenes where the big tough character breaks down. any kind of emotional revelation, positive or negative

Reason for writing?

words in head, need words out of head ok ok fine, serious answer. i feel like writing is both asking and answering the question, "have you felt like this before? has anyone ever felt like this before? am i alone?" and it's proof that you're not the first and only person to ever experience the things you're experiencing. even this made up guy in this pretend world understands rage and despair and joy and grief and love. the source is different but the result is the same. human connection, man. love it and! it's fun. im having fun

tag!!

@knightinbatteredarmor @friendlesscat @tildeathiwillwrite @glassonthewall @illarian-rambling

@mysticstarlightduck @dyrewrites @sarandipitywrites @oliolioxenfreewrites @xenascribbles

[inkedhorror]

hey gang so some of u may or may not have noticed my privating all of my ib/vs art so im gonna say it now b4 i forget lol

i havent been into ib/vs in a hot minute & honestly even b4 recent events ive been wanting to remove myself from the fandom entirely so like. might as well take that chance now yk ❗❗

ive met one or two rlly nice ppl here and gotten even more positive attention from some of u guys but im just not interested in tainting this experience ig. thnx for ur comments and support and fun times. i loved drawing for u guys

if youre still following me strictly for ib/vs then dont stay bc i know im never coming back. i mostly came back bc of the nostalgia factor for me but i realized sometime in the last few months that a lot of that nostalgia came from a very negative place in my life and brought back a lot of anger and stress regarding experiences and people from my past and i cannot be turning 18 keeping myself under that emotional pressure. ive got enough going on as is thats keeping me from actually growing up lol. a silly fandom i meant to leave behind 7 years ago doesnt need to be adding anything extra on top of that. and as shitty it is to have to admit it any new experiences im making here isnt relieving any of that old pressure so i need to let go Willingly this time

and before anyone says anything i havent even been on the ib/vs tag in a while and anything thats been going on ive been hearing about from outside sources so idk dont drag me into it if ive got nothing to do w it. theres a reason im leaving it behind. i havent been actively seeking out anything going on either but if i NEED to know (as in i was actually involved in anyway, which i doubt?? but yk anything happens on this godforsaken hellsite) then feel free to dm me abt it

im smarter than putting this on main fandom tags so im gonna leave it here, thanks gang 💖

[subaru-meteorlight]

hsr 3.0 spoilers + vent (it’s more personal than anything don’t read if ur here for actual hsr story reaction/analysis etc) (it’s messy & negative)

I’d put vents in the tags like I usually do but the word and tag limit get annoying

uuuuuu…. uuhhnnnn SCRATCHING HEAD I DUNNO……NOT TO BE OVERLY NEGATIVE OR ANYTHING BUT. idk. Mixed emotions. Just finished the story. ..the ending segment is. Sorta mid. Sorry I feel bad for saying that. My friends are all asleep so unfortunately I have to turn to the void. The starting, middle, showing caelus’ past with the stellaron hunters, and climax all the way to killing god were peak and really exciting I love it a lot… I’m also really happy that the story is so long this time! And there’s so many maps!!! Hsr definitely benefits from longer quests, their arcs and stories are so grand that having more time to flesh things out is very good for them… considering they need to stuff the mechanics, backstory and lore of an entire ass planet into 3 or 4 updates… amphoreus is esp funny in this regard because all that previous lore about paths, aeons, ipc, anything? throw it out the window. This is (almost, at first glance, at least) a completely isolated world in a bottle

I went off topic ARGHHGHHG OK NO HIDING MY FEELINGS. IM SORRYRYYY THE ENDING DROPPED THE BALL AND WITH PHAI BACKSTORY REVEAL… LIKE… I DUNNO…. I THINK… I HYPED MYSELF UP WAYYYY TOO MUCH TO FIND OUT WHATS WRONG W HIM. WHEN IT GOT REVEALED I SORTA FELT LIKE. THATS IT? I FEEL BAD FOR SAYING THATTT LOSING EVERYTHING ISNT A “LOL THATS IT HUH” SCENARIO UGH I GUESS NARRATIVE WISE ITS JUST NOT SMTH I RESONATE WITH BUT STILL-! (what, do I lack empathy? tell me something new… 😭)(going off topic I’ve resigned to the fact that I know I’m most probably an awful terrible person but as long as I know how to act normal and lie straight to ppl’s faces, act in a way that makes me liked… well, nobody will know.)

LIKE.. THE REVEAL KINDA. KILLED MY EXCITEMENT, SORTA. IS THAT ALL? IT FEELS BAD!!!! IM SORRY. I WAS EXCITED TO GRIND OUT THE GAME AFTER FINISHING THE STORY BUT MY MOTIVATION IS GONE AWAA IM SORRY IM SRY ARTHFHHGFH ITS NOBODY’S FAULT BUT MY OWN BUT LET ME SELFISHLY BE SAD FOR MYSELF…. I FEEL LIKE A DUMB KID FOR FEELING LIKE THIS ARRHGHGH yeah…. Yeah….. I just got way too into my head abt what could his problem be etc what is his fatal flaw, despite acting so noble and kind and way too perfect. I liked when he was wavering on becoming a demigod and his personal doubts; he’s just a guy… (lol like Kevin… haha…)

I think part of it was because the story doing tell don’t show.. up till you’re directly told about phai’s past you could barely tell anything wrong w him- he really is the perfect knight, perfect hero… but I suppose-! That’s the point isn’t it?!?! He can mask that well-?! He’s trying his best to focus on his duty as a hero/deliverer/chrysos heir soon demigod and pushing away thoughts of his revenge-?!? You can’t tell there’s smth wrong w him, that’s the point right?!? I’m trying to talk myself down. Where was I. Lost my train of thought. right, I dunno… feel bad for saying this (2) but-! I guess it’s the way it’s just dropped on us suddenly?!?! “Ah yeah he lost everything” yeah… we’ve got 6 other characters in the game like that too - ARGHGGH sorry that’s such a mean thing to say. Childish and spoiled. Ok!!! Maybe I’m just passing my judgement way too early!!!! It only got hinted at a lil bit after all!!!! The following patches will release and elaborate more and make me like his story again yes yes…. Yeah… if 2.0 ended with them saying aven lost his home planet too I wouldn’t be amazed by that either-! It’s the entire 2.1 that made everything good! Right , right, I’m judging too early… I’m gonna be a huge fool when I come back to this after everything and I’m fawning over his sad backstory and mentally killing myself 20 times because of how DUMB I was earlier when we had no info right right right right right. Right.

Right. Ok. Talking about it makes me feel somewhat normal abt it. I guess. My feelings usually fade quick so I’m glad. Re: ‘you can’t tell there’s anything wrong w him’ lost my train of thought. Mafuyu from prsk, she’s kinda similar in this regard, being too perfect on the surface- I also disliked her initially but she’s fine now, I like her. Or is that also a product of my fleeting feelings. But anyway. Phai’s in the same position as her I suppose. I guess it just stings harder because I had wayyy too high hopes for him putting him on a pedestal of “he’s perfect (as in, he’s perfectly my kind of character) and became devastated when he wasn’t a perfect 1:1 of my interests in character storylines. That’s totally on me. He gotta go apeshit abt revenge at some point right? See look at you again, setting yourself up for disappointment. AWWAGHDH. I’m talking in circles. I really don’t want ppl going through the tag to read this lol please don’t perceive my ass takes.

Topic: ‘killing my excitement’ that’s totally on my own irrationality. Let me mourn…. Kicking rocks I dunnoo!!!! It feels bad!!! I was hyped up and it feels like the happiness, excitement suddenly got taken away from me- it’s like losing something I never had in a first place (and that’s funny, because that’s basic ryu backstory 101) I JUST SAD ABT IT NOT MATCHING MY EXPECTATIONS I don’t know why I set myself up like this. It hurts- because- yeah I just put too much of my emotional wellbeing onto this fictional guy 😭 that’s on me that’s on me. That one post “need a hyperfixation or I kill myself” that’s literally me. I thought I could have something new to be happy about again but aoiufffdfdf having it snatched along with my motivation feels bad!!! Ok!!!! Ahhh, do I still e6s5? Hahah….. I hope this feeling fades. I’ll be back to normal soon probably arghgg but just let me feel for now. PLEASE go back to normal soon I’m begging you. Speaking of being normal this feeling is also amplified by me weighing my entire emotional stability onto phai like if he was just some guy I liked I’d probably just be “oh he has stuff, cool I’ll hear about it next patch or so” but no I touted him around as the “perfect guy for me” ‘phai save me etc etc” “next e6” and I’m very abnormal about him so I guess it’s all falling on me like a brick tower now!!!!! Ok saying it makes me feel better. I will get better soon I promise.

And speaking on feelings fading quick that’s another separate problem I have because I pass through interests so quickly- I wish badly to have an interest of mine stay for longer than 3 months but uhghhhh once again- “need a hyperfixation or I die”. Ofc I still love my past interests dearly- they never leave me but the? Hmm, serotonin boost? (lol) starts fading in intensity after 3 months or so- maybe that’s normal, I dunno. I wish I could be happy about things for longer. It ALSO feels bad when I know an interest is fading away like agghhhh not again… head in hands I just want something to be happy about. And on that- since phai is rumoured to be coming out 3.3 or even 3.4… that’s, what, 5 months?!??!!?! Ohhh man. This happened with Sunday… he was one of my favs during penacony arc (till he got utterly overshadowed by aven, lol) but by the time he came out I… didn’t really care anymore… damn rip. I mean I pulled him but I lost interest and wasn’t really into the game anymore leading up to his banner and even after pulling him. It’s sad……….!!!!!!! Where did all the love go. If he had released earlier I would’ve been a lot more hyped and insane abt it but ackkk I guess that’s just how it is. Thinking abt how it might happen w phai too makes me prematurely sad AHFHGH STOP THINKING ABT IT THEN youre downing yourself for no reason!!!!! My god

Ok I feel a lot normaler now. Yes. Ok. Right. It was just the initial immediate reaction. Ok. Ok. He’ll cook in the following patches yes yes yes I can rely on my friends to encourage me too yes ok ok. It’s not the end of the world. His design is still banger. Hyv most definitely will not flop when writing their KEVIN yes ok. Yes. I am being irrationally paranoid. Ok. Right. Oughhg. I will sleep. And tomorrow is a new day. And I will feel normal. And delete this post because what was I on earlier. Right.

Edit to add on: yeah characters who mask to seem stronger, invincible are my favs so I dunno why I'm so weird abt it w phai!!!!! Argghgg!!!!! Isn't this my absolute fav thing???? Ough. Right. Ok. Let them cook they'll do something good. Ok. It's funny actually this means his mask is so good it fools even me. On that- I think it's the fact that similar to mafuyu, his mask is one of being morally good, upstanding citizen, model hero - that kind just isn't my taste, that's all. It's alright as well, just not the absolute fav. But it can be good too. My absolute fav is aven's kind of mask... calculating, aware of others' perception of you and how you can influence it, motivated by self-interest, using your self image as a weapon... actually saying this out I could draw similarities between phai and aven masks where they both use it as a shield to fill a void/ forge an identity but I think I'm insane at this point

[wri0thesley]

Hang in there, Nat. We’ve got your back. 💖

i've written and not posted about ten whining posts today since getting that anon. i'm struggling a lot. but it means a lot also, anon, to know that there are nice people reading my silly thoughts and maybe feeling a little bit happy reading something i've posted. <3

[fridgevespidae]

ok ya thats enough tumblr 4 a while <3

[transannabeth]

*

[rainbowsans]

hey quick reminder that, if you view my ut stuff (mostly under the skelebros artworks and literally anything else that isnt ship related) as a ship and choose to ignore my claims and wishes and openly come to my post saying ‘im gonna do it ANYWAYS’ then like............congratulations..........ya blocked. <:^/

[wabblebees]

.

[florshedworf]

HATE HATE HATE huge conflicts/climaxes based on dumb miscommunications

[lilysdaydreams]

Praise Bingus (No fucking way)

→  I do not claim to know corpse- therefore please don't think that this is what he would actually act like, or that any details about his life are actually true. this is fiction.

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre: Angst and fluff. (FLUFF IS COMING I SWEAR)

→ Words: 3.9k

→ In a world where everyone is born with a mark on their wrist, two souls come together over the power of bingus.

→ (this isnt crack lol)

→ Warnings: Lots of swearing, um self-depreciation? rejection (kinda) and negative thoughts overall. Sorry im new to warnings.

→ Authors Note: this is the first time im doing like angst so please tell me if I did well? Um also, I’ve already started on the part 2 so keep your eyes out for that. If you wanna be tagged for part two please comment and lemme know. Also check out my other fics if you want!

→ Buy me a coffee

Part two  →    

~~~

Soulmates were a phenomenon. They'd been there for ages, drawn into the Egyptian tomb paintings, seen in the cave paintings from millions of years ago, talked about in stories passed down from generation to generation. They could be matching drawings, first words, names; all black before the soulmates met and turning gold the moment they talked to each other. There wasn't a scientist in the world who could explain the phenomenon.

You'd received your mark at birth just like everyone else, a sentence running around your wrist,

"No fucking way."

Your parents weren't that happy when you asked at the age of 4 what "fucking" meant but it wasn't that bad. You were happy that you had something unique, something other than the "Hi," or "Excuse me," that was on every other arm.

When you were 13, a little girl on the train pointed to your wrist and asked her mom what it meant. Ever since then, you'd taken to wearing bracelets over it. This had turned out to be a good idea because a few years later you started making Youtube videos. At the age of 16, you started a Youtube channel where you focused on a variety of things; makeup, fashion, games, art, skits and a whole lot more.

At the age of 20, you had a steady following of a little more than a million subscribers, and you had moved to LA to be closer to all your Youtube friends. You hadn't just grown on Youtube, you'd also started a lot of side projects. You were known for the art that you did on the side, along with the makeup palette you'd come out with a year ago. Soon you were planning to release a merch collection, one that you had been working on for a whole year now.

You hadn't met your soulmate at this point but honestly, you didn't really mind. Balancing Youtube and study (along with all your other side projects) was hard. There was no need to add the struggle of love into it... Or that's what you told yourself anyways.

There were days though, days where you wished you had someone to hug, someone to cuddle in bed with, someone to go on long walks with. You didn't let yourself wallow on it that long though. Crying about it was gonna do absolutely nothing.

It started on a rainy day. The story of you and him. You were editing your soon to be uploaded video, an e-girl outfits lookbook, which had been requested by your followers. Your personal style was all over the place and your previous soft girl and cottage care look books had done well, so you decided to continue the series.

You eyes blurred as you looked at the same point of the video, and you sighed, removing your glasses and rubbing your eyes. Your editor was sick and had let you know that they wouldn't be able to edit it by the deadline so here you were, editing it yourself. You stretched in your chair letting out a yawn. You were contemplating on whether to make coffee or not when your phone pinged.

"Nooooo" you whined when you noticed it was on the coffee table that was just a little out of your reach. Stretching your foot out, you tried to grab it between your toes and then sighed when the phone fell.

"I have zero luck, I swear" you muttered to yourself, bending to pick up the phone.

The text was from Rae, asking you to join a game of Among Us. You and Rae had been friends for a bit now, which all started when she came across your art and decided to order something from you. You had chatted and clicked immediately, immediately becoming fast friends. Ever since the lockdown started, she often asked you to join in on Among us games and your friendship had really grown over these past few months.

You sent a quick "sure!" and then went to your table, waiting for the PC to turn on. Quickly tweeting out that you were streaming, you opened up Youtube and turned on the stream, saying a quick hello and letting them know what you'd be doing.

"Rae just invited me guys, I don't really know who's there," you mumbled, replying to a comment asking you who you were playing with.

You squinted your eyes, joining the voice chat and then opening your phone camera to quickly check that you didn't look horrible. Sure you didn't really care about how you looked but it was always good to check that you didn't have anything stuck between your teeth before you turned on the camera.

There was already a conversation going on, between who you thought was Corpse and Sykkuno, judging by their voices.

"Yeah I could totally do that. Get a cat and name it Bingus. I wonder if th-"

You gasped when you heard what they were talking about and unmuted yourself immediately yelling "PRAISE LORD BINGUS" and effectively shocking everyone in the chat.

A moment of silence and then Rae yelled: "OH MY FUCKING GOD Y/N, YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME."

You giggled as everyone groaned and whined, saying hi as they realised who it was. You had played with Sykkuno and the others a few times before but you'd never met Corpse before. You'd heard his voice though, as he was trending on twitter constantly over the past few weeks. Once they all quietened down, you realised Corpse hadn't said anything. Since you knew everyone else in the lobby, you introduced yourself, wondering if you'd scared him a bit too hard.

"Hey Corpse, I'm Y/N from Y/C/N, its so nice to finally meet you," you said gritting your teeth at you awkward introduction. For a second there was no response and then three words were said that made your jaw drop to the floor.

"No fucking way"

He had whispered it, obviously still in shock, and your eyes widened in surprise as a tingle spread all over your body. So this was what everyone meant by "you'll just know," when you asked them about how you would recognize your soulmate.

"Holy shit" you thought frozen in your seat.

Never had you been more glad that you hadn't turned the camera on yet.

"Uhhhh-" you started, but stopped now knowing what to say.

What the fuck were you supposed to do now.

"Wha- Whats wrong?" Rae asked after a moment passed.

Corpse cleared his throat and started "Its um, shes my -" and you cut him off, heart beating in your chest.

"Nothing. Its nothing." you said talking over him. "Who else are we waiting for Rae?" you asked joining the lobby quickly and choosing red as your colour.

"Uh one more person," she said slowly, still a bit confused.

"Oh awesome!" you said fake enthusiasm prevalent in your voice. "So Sykkuno," you started, wanting to keep the conversation going. "How's Bimbus doing?"

Sykkuno launched into a story of Bimbus and you blew out a sigh of relief, mind still numb over the revelation.

Corpse was your soulmate.

The guy who had literally went viral the past few weeks was your soulmate.

You'd finally found him.

You heard Rae cut Sykkuno off, telling everyone she was starting the game and muttered a "Thank god" when the words "CREWMATE" appeared on your screen. You would not have been able to play imposter at the moment, your mind pretty much stuck on the fact that Corpse was your fucking soulmate.

Heading down to admin, you realised you hadn't said anything yet to the stream so you quickly turned on your cam, saying a quick sorry to the viewers.

"Sorry guys, I forgot to put the camera on," you smiled focusing on card swipe.

"I hope everyone's been okay, I know this was quite sudden, but Rae invited me and I was like why not you know," you said rambling as you moved to comms and did the task there.

Lights were called and you moved to electrical, arriving there just as Leslie fixed them. You moved into the back of electrical doing the three tasks you had there when Sykkuno suddenly came in and went straight to standing on top of the vent.

You giggled already knowing his trick.

"Okay guys," you mumbled watching Sykkuno wiggle on the vent. "do we trust Sykkuno or not?"

"You know what," you said making a split second decision. "Its the first game, we might as well."

Joining him on the vent, you stilled for a second and then breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't automatically kill you.

"See, what did I tell you guys huh?" you question smiling straight at the camera. "I knew Sykkuno could be trusted."

You decided to follow Sykkuno going into reactor with him and starting 'Simon says' and just as you were on the last part, a body was found making you let a whine out.

"Guysss," you whined to the camera as Rae started talking about how she had found Daves body in admin.

"Um, I havent been in admin since the start of the game," you said, "also I can clear Sykkuno, for the last part of the round, he's been with me since lights went out."

Sykkuno confirmed it, "Yup that's right, also I can hard clear Y/N cuz guess what? She stood on the vent with me and none of us died."

Everyone chuckled as he said "Thats good enough for me."

"Uh, I was in navigation mostly." said Lily.

"Poki, can I just ask what you were doing?" said Sean, an undercurrent of mirth present.

"Me?" asked Poki speaking for the first time. "What was I doing?"

"You weren't doing any tasks, you were literally just walking from one side of medbay to the other when I peeked in."

Poki started laughing, trying to get her words out at the same time.

"Okay so-" a giggle. "okay okay- I was just, I was trying to um do the beep test," she said finally breaking down and making everyone else laugh as well.

"What the fuck?" you said, laughing at the image in your mind.

"My chat told me to do it last game so I decided to do it now, I was literally just playing around," she said finally, adding "I swear I'm not imposter" at the end.

"Hmmm," you hummed, bringing a hand up to stroke your chin. "Are you sure it was last game Poki... hm...."

Giggling at Poki indignant "YES it was last game", you quickly skipped voting like everyone else as the timer went into the last ten seconds.

Humming a tune under your breath, you went back to reactor, taking a minute to carefully do Simon says and then moved to the other task counting out one two three as you pressed on the numbers. Humming, you moved out of reactor, only to come face to face with Corpse. You paused for a second, and then moved ahead, refusing to show anything on camera. For some reason he followed you as you went to storage, looking at you while you did the trash.

"Why is he just staring?" you mumbled, biting your lip. God, you really didn't wanna think of him right now. You started walking to shields, him still walking with you when lights were called and not a second later a body was reported.

Suddenly there was screaming your ears as Toast and Rae both started accusing each other.

"Wait- Wait WAIT" yelled Poki trying to get them to stop. "What happened?"

"I'll explain" declared Rae, not letting toast get a word in. "We were in navigation okay, me, Toast and Leslie. Lights went out, and suddenly a report buttons there. It's either Toast or someone came in just as lights went out and killed but that doesn't seem likely because I didn't see anyone anywhere near us at all. Anyways I'm fucking telling the truth guys, its Toast, he's the one who did it."

"Toast, do you have anything to say for yourself?" asked Corpse, his voice making your insides shiver.

"Holy shit, this is my soulmate", you thought for the fiftieth time.

"Uh yeah," replied toast. "I didn't do it."

Everyone laughed as he continued.

"Like seriously, I wouldn't do anything like this because it'd be a stupid move from my own part, and I think Raes smart enough to not do this as well. I think someone else came in just as lights went down and killed immediately, which to be honest, was pretty smart of them."

"Okay so I can clear Corpse," you cut in noticing the timer was close. "he was with me in weapons when it happened, he wouldn't have had time to go all the way up, or even vent there because we were literally walking in."

"Yup that's right," confirmed corpse.

"I'm in cafeteria" said Poki.

"Yeah, I saw her on my way to weapons," said Sykkuno, "and I'm in weapons right now,"

"I'm in lower engine" said Sean, and Lily said she was in reactor.

"I think it's Toast," you mumbled and then rose your voice to talk over everyone. "Look okay fine, maybe he said it was a stupid move and he wouldn't do it but maybe he did it for that exact reason. He thought he could get away with it because no one would expect him to do something like that."

As the timer started going down by 10, you voted for Toast and it turned out 3 had skipped the vote while five had voted for him.

damn.

"Guys you actually voted for him?" you said in a high voice, re-enacting one of Sykkunos most said lines.

You heard a "oh for gods sake" from Rae before everyone went silent and you giggled as you moved back down to weapons to do your tasks.

You finished all your tasks and decided to go to security to check where everyone is. Humming as you moved through the electrical hallway, you narrowed your eyes as Corpse came out of electrical and went towards storage. Quickly ducking in you didn't see a body so you headed back out, going into cams and gasping as you saw the body. Reporting immediately you were shocked to see the four kills that had happened. Now only you, Corpse, Sean and Rae were left.

"Oh my god," you mumbled confused. Either there were still two imposters, and Toast wasn't the imposter or the imposter literally killed and did nothing else. Now either that could mean that its definitely Rae if Toast wasn't the imposter, or that it was Corpse as the only imposter left. That was a bit weird though becuase he could have totally killed you at the start of the game. You didn't suspect Sean at all.

"What the fuck?" mumbled Corpse, and Rae made her animal noises expressing her shock.

"Okay," you said taking charge and relaying the kill and your theory to everyone. "So either it was Toast and there's only one other imposter, who is Corpse. Or Toast wasn't an imposter and there's two of them left. I-" you took a deep breath in at the end, very confused. " I don't know anymore,"

"I think its Corpse as well,"

Corpse who hadn't said anything up till this moment suddenly started stammering out "hey-hey uh let-lets not gang up on me okay. It's not-"

"No, wait, its because Y/N said you came out of electrical right, and I saw you in upper engine literally a bit ago and you went down. I went towards cafeteria so I don't know exactly where you went but its totally possible that you killed."

You voted form him after that, convinced it was Corpse, and the other followed quickly.

"Guys what the fuck, at least give me a chance to explain my self" he whined when his body was thrown off the ship seconds later. You cheered when the "VICTORY" sign was displayed across the screen, bringing up your chat and laughing at Toast as he pretended to be angry at me.

"That was a great round, good work Y/N"

"Thankyou" you mumbled staring at your chat. You were confused when you saw the absolute influx of messages on there, and you were barely able to read them because they were going so fast. You scrolled up, and read through the few of the messages;

"You've made corpse sad."

"Corpse has literally been so quite since you came in, can you leave."

"Omg stop with the hate messages, its not her fault if corpse isn't talking to you"

"are you his ex or something? What was that reaction at the start?"

"what did you do? Corpse literally hasn't said a word since you came in."

"Um..."

Corpse POV

Corpses heart stopped for a minute, his breath catching. The words on his wrist glowed gold, and he stared at the little red character standing there.

This person was the reason that he had "PRAISE BINGUS" stretched across his wrist.

They were the only reason that he had searched "Bingus" on google for all of his life. The only reason Corpse knew about the meme before anyone else was because he was constantly monitoring the word online. Ever since March, he had been waiting with bated breath, anxious that he could meet his soulmate at any moment. and here you were.

For some reason, he had never expected that he would meet you in among us, or while he was on stream. He always thought it'd be someone outside. It was a bit stupid in hindsight as all he did nowadays was play among us.

He heard you introduce yourself to him but the only thing that came out of his mouth was “No fucking way”.

Immediately after he wanted to slap himself.

“Idiot” he thought to himself. “At least try to make a good impression.”

When Rae asked what was wrong, heat sprung to his cheeks as he started revealing that they were soulmates, but Y/N cut him off, saying that it was nothing.

Corpse’s heart sank a little then.

'Maybe she’s just a private person,' he reasoned with himself.

'I shouldn’t have tried to say it on stream either. God, I’m a fucking idiot, if I said it, literally everyone would know and not only would I have hated the attention, she probabaly would have as well.'

Convincing himself that she was right, he reassured himself that it wasn’t because of him. She wasn’t revealing it because she probably didn't want all the attention.

For some reason though, his heart sank even more when Y/N didnt talk to him, instead talking to sykkuno about his dog. Like sure he could understand not wanting to reveal they were soulmates but shouldn’t she at least wanna talk to him? At this point he wouldn’t even mind if she talked about his voice like everyone else.

He groaned when the word "Imposter" came across his screen, his and Toasts character standing together. He was not in the right mindset right now to be able to be a good imposter. Breathing in deeply he continued in the game, with the first round passing by quick. The second round, he saw Y/N and stood with her for a bit wondering if he should kill her. Her red character moved to weapons and he sighed moving the mouse over the kill button. Just as he was thinking of clicking a body was found. Corpse swore as Toast flew off the ship. Deciding he needed to speed it up he killed four people in the round, hissing when the meeting was called. The moment Y/N accused him, he knew it was over. He didn't even bother defending himself much, just hoping the game would end soon.

When they were in the lobby, he quickly told everyone that he was going to leave because his internet was acting up. Turning off the stream after saying a quick thank you to everyone, he leaned back in his seat breathing through his nose.

What the fuck was his life.

Even his soulmate didnt want him. Honestly, he should have expected this. Abandoned at 12 with no one around him, why did his expect his soulmate to even give a fuck about him. Tears pricked his eyes and he blinked trying to get rid of them. He breathed in deeply, grabbing the water on the table and taking a big gulp. He had never hated himself more than he did right now. Why couldnt he have an easier life.

“Why cant I just fucking be NORMAL” he yelled throwing the empty bottle of water at the wall.

Throwing himself into bed, he scrunched up his eyes, hoping that sleep would come today, not noticing as his phone lit up with a single message.

Your POV

You stayed for another game and then ducked out apologizing and making an excuse up.

"Sorry it was such a short stream, everyone," you said pouting at the camera. "It was fun though so hopefully I get to do it again." Waving goodbye, you turned off the camera and leaned your head back staring at the ceiling.

What the actual fuck.

Grabbing your phone, you stared at it for a bit. Everything that you had pushed to the back of your mind in the game, was suddenly in the forefront.

The only thing you knew about Corpse was that he had a really deep voice, he narrated horror movies, and he maybe did music?

'Rae mentioned that once right?' you thought to yourself.

You unlocked the phone and then locked it again, too scared to actually do anything.

Unlocked.

Locked.

Unlocked.

Locked.

"Oh get a grip," you muttered to yourself, opening the phone and sending a text to Rae.

‘Hey Rae, do you have corpses number? Do you mind sending it to me, I need to tell him something.’

A reply came in a minute,

‘umm, why. he's pretty private so idk i don't rlly wanna give his number if he doesn't want someone to have it’

You sighed, and decided you might as well tell her. You knew Rae wouldn't betray your trust.

‘He's my soulmate’

Immediately a ‘AHDJHAKJKAGDAK’ came as a reply and you giggled at the string of emojis after it.

‘Don't tell anyone,’ you sent quickly, trying to calm her down.

‘Okay okay, its XXX - XXX - XXXX, ASHAGDH IM DYING OMG. GO TALK TO HIM.’

Biting your lip you added Corpse into your contacts hesitating before putting a small black heart next to his name.

"Already simping," you mumbled under your breath, hands hovering over the keyboard as you struggled to think of what to write.

You finally decided on 'Hey, its Y/N, can I call?' thinking that something short would be the best way to go. Hand hovering over the send button, you sucked in a breath and pressed it, waiting with bated breath.

A minute passed.

And then five.

And then, without you even you realising, it'd been half an hour of you just looking at your phone.

An hour later, you were slumped on your desk, eyes closed and snoring lightly, the phone still open, the message you sent lighting up the screen.

tbc.