#this isn't going to bed. I'm going to bed. whatever.
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jimvasta · 1 day ago
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"I'm just a fucking cat, okay, a really old one."
You were asleep. The cat managed to get somehow, you were sure you locked the door and window. You find yourself staring at the dark shape on your chest.
"I'm smarter than I was, but that's what happens when that much magic gets thrown at you."
"But, but, what? Why? How? Why does no one else realise you're in every family portrait for the last two hundred years?!" You really hope this is a vivid dream or you're going mad.
"Your great-however many times it is now-grandad was a wizard. I was your great-whatever-grandma's cat. He wanted them both to live forever but of course he didn't want anyone to realise it so part of the spell was to make people forget how old they were.
They spent years at it, and casting the final spell took all day. I mean the whole day. I was hungry, they hadn't fed me since breakfast. I jumped into the casting circle just as it was activating."
"What happened to them?"
"Oh they faked their deaths and went travelling. They left me behind and put it in their will that I had to be looked after and could never be taken away from the family."
"This is weird dream." You mumble and fall back to sleep.
You wake to find the cat still in the room, curled up at the end of the bed staring at you.
"Finally, do you know how late it is? I should have been fed an hour ago. Get with it."
"You spoke. Oh shit, you really spoke."
The cat had an accent, you suppose it's mouth isn't really built for human words, but its understandable.
"Yes, I spoke, you dumb kitten. You're the first one in this idiot family for generations with enough magic in their veins to understand me and I'm using it to make sure I get fed."
"Okay," You agree as you sit up. "I'll feed you if you teach me about magic."
"Do I look like a wizard? Give me breakfast and I'll show you where your great-whatever many-grandad's study is. That's the best I can do."
"Deal."
Your grandparent passes and your parents inherit the palatial estate as well as the care for its cat. After going through several family records you realize the cat has been inherited throughout the generations. You try telling others but they forget. Now it keeps trying to be alone with you.
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amomentsescape · 2 days ago
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Yay request are back! I loved your yandere slasher sleepwalking one shot so may I request another sleepwalking reader scenario?
But instead of sleep escaping they just roam around like a drunk saying cute things like about how much they love them and silly things like how the strawberries are so obnoxious always saying they're the best fruit while the reader is just sitting in the fridge and random stuff like that?
And the Slasher just finds it aboustly adorble and fondly giggle at their antics while lovingly guiding them to bed?
😴😴😴🤤🤤🤤🥰🥰🥰
Slashers with Funny Sleepwalking! Reader
Slashers x Reader (Separate)
Includes: Freddy, Michael, Jason, Thomas, Bubba, Brahms, Norman, Billy, Stu, Vincent, & Bo
A/N: It's been a long time coming. I'm so sorry for the wait on this, and on anyone else's requests still sitting in my inbox. This was a joy to write though, so thank you!
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Freddy Krueger
Who needs TV when Freddy has you?
You aren't really able to fully sleep in his world, so he comes to you most nights
He just flops into your still warm spot in bed and watches you stumble around the room
"Freeeedddy! I love you!" you coo over and over
And every time, he replies with a chuckle and an "I love you too"
You giggle and just stumble around some more, bumping into the same wall multiple times
When you finally come back to bed, you just fall right on top of him, not even noticing he's there
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Michael Myers
You've woken up a few times in the morning to sore lips
(He duct taped them shut throughout the night)
He's not really home most of the time anyways, so it doesn't really matter
But when he is, the last thing he wants to deal with is you laughing and practically screaming at any object you bump into
He's quite literally locked you in the bedroom some nights so he doesn't have to hear your incessant babbling
"Michael, why is there glue on my cheek?"
He'll just shrug and walk off, tossing a broken glue stick in the trash
In his defense, the glue was nontoxic
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Jason Voorhees
He loves to hear your random laughs and nonsensical talk of hysteria
You've grabbed onto his arm multiple times, using all of your strength to pull him outside to go on an "adventure"
"But, Jason! There's strawberry unicorns and feather fields out there!"
He honestly isn't sure if he should be laughing or feeling actively concerned for your wild sense of imagination
He always guides you lovingly back to bed while you have the cutest pout on your lips
"But it's time to explore!"
He just kisses your head and places the blanket back around you
It only takes a few seconds for you to fall peacefully back asleep again
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Thomas Hewitt
You're going to make this man go into cardiac arrest
You're sleep talking is adorable, of course
But what isn't adorable is how you think each one of his carving knives is a toy doll
"This one is so pretty! What should we name her?" you asked all giddy
Thomas's smile turns to one of horror as he watches you swing his freshly sharpened butcher's knife around like it was flying
"Weeee!" you squealed happily, only to drop the knife two inches from your foot
Thomas about died
Since then, he makes it a point to lock you both in the bedroom each night
He'll happily indulge in your fantasy like dreams from there
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Bubba Sawyer
He literally sets an alarm so he can see what made up conversation you're going to have each night
He'll follow you around, giggling with you about whatever you have to say
"And then I told him to go away cuz why would he say that my favorite fruit isn't his favorite fruit? Who does that? Oh, and then he went and..."
And Bubba just holds your hand and hums along with you as if he's listening
He has no idea what you're talking about most of the time, but hearing your sleepy voice is just so heartwarming, he can't help it
You always wonder why you wake up in the morning sounding like a dying frog
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Brahms Heelshire
Oh, Brahms eats it up
You're constantly on a rampage going on and on about how much you love him and how much you need him
And this is exactly what he wants to hear
The moment he feels you stir in the middle of the night, he rolls over and holds you tight, making sure your sleeping actions don't cause you to leave the room
"Is there anything on your mind?" he asks softly
The moment you hear his voice, a big goofy grin spreads across your face
"Oh, Brahms! I love you soooo much. I wish I could just be here with you forever!"
Do you even know what you're saying? Of course not
But Brahms will do everything he can to believe it
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Norman Bates
Norman is certainly guilty of staying up too late reading some new novel that has him engrossed
You've almost scared him a few times when he turns to look at you only to be met with your open eyes and droopy smile
"I like the bagels that jam," you say sweetly
Norman just looks at you in a confused smile
"Sure you do, honey"
You just smile and flop your head onto his arm
"Jam jam bagel. Jam jam bagel," you whisper-sing
Norman just chuckles quietly and goes back to his book, letting you continue your random sleepy talk
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Billy Loomis
Billy just wakes up with a groan each time
"Babe, please just go to sleep"
"But the caterpillars! They're hiding..." you say, rolling all over the place
He replies with his usual grunt and rolls over, flopping right on top of you
"They're gone now! How did you do that?" you exclaim
He puts his hand over your mouth
"We do this every night," he mumbles into your neck
He's just met with a snore as you've already passed back out
"I don't know how I put up with you," he says with a slight chuckle
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Stu Macher
He wakes up to the sound of yelling and fast thumping coming from the living room below
He all but trips on his way downstairs, worried something was wrong
Except he is simply met with you running around in a blanket, yelling about incoherent nonsense
"The snakes! The berries! The fridge!" followed by an immediate laugh
Stu stands there for a bit before finally chasing after you, swooping you up into his arms
"No! They got me! I'll never surrender!" you yell at the top of your lungs
"And I thought I was the loud one," he laughs, carrying your wiggling frame back upstairs to bed
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Vincent Sinclair
He wakes up in the middle of the night to a soft voice singing
This would honestly be terrifying in any other context
But since this is almost a nightly occurrence by now, he just responds with a sigh
"Then the fruit tree grows, and the fruit starts to fall, and the-"
Vincent picks you up and tosses you back into bed
"I can fly now!" you yell, kicking your feet
He can't help but smile at your behavior
It might be two in the morning, but seeing you so goofy and free warms Vincent's heart
Just please don't sing so loud anymore, or else Vincent is going to get an earful from Bo the next morning
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Bo Sinclair
He can hear you banging around in the kitchen
And he's about to storm out there to complain how it's 3 in the morning, and you shouldn't even be awake right now
But instead, he finds all the food on the floor as you try to wedge yourself inside the fridge
"Lava. There's lava everywhere," you're muttering
"Darlin' what in God's name are you-"
"Bo! You're on fire! Hurry! Hop in!" you yell, trying to make room for him in the cramped fridge
He just lets out a frustrated sigh
"Not tonight, sweetheart."
He quickly picks you and carries you back to the bedroom
"I didn't know you could walk on lava!"
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magicalrocketships · 2 days ago
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pretty much every day i just think abt small!max saying "daniel, my daniel" when he sees dan. it's with me forever!! ok that's all
Okay, this awakened something in me, and I've missed Go Small! Max. Thank you, anon!
All earlier parts can be found in this masterpost and on AO3 here.
Five times Max calls Daniel ‘my Daniel’ (and one other time)
One. 
"No," Max says politely but with zero room for negotiation. "I don't want that."
That is a plate of sandwiches that look decidedly soggy, oil softened vegetables leaking out of a thickly sliced sourdough. 
Daniel looks up at the waiter. "Could you do some sliced bread and butter instead?" he asks, moving Max's plate out from in front of him. He finds room for it on the table next to him and opens up the sandwiches, starting to scrape the vegetables out onto the plate. In hindsight, it was a bad order. He'd seen the tomatoes and thought that Max might like them. 
The waiter comes back over with two slices of bread and a pat of butter; Daniel makes yet more room on the table to butter the bread and cut it into halves, then deposits it in front of Max. He goes back to scraping the mediterranean vegetables out of the sandwich, dumps the bread on his plate, then starts to pull out the tomatoes so that they're separate from the rest of the vegetables. He offers the plate to Max, who stares at it dubiously. 
"You like tomatoes," Daniel says. 
"Hmm," Max says. 
Daniel doesn't force him. He sets the plate down and shows Max his fork in case he wants to try anything, then eats his own pesto chicken on toasted sourdough. 
Max picks at his bread and butter, then after eating a piece, he uses his fork to carefully eat two little roasted tomatoes. He clearly considers this enough vitamins and nutrients for this meal, and goes back to his bread and butter. He does, however, drink his apple juice. 
"Is the bread nice?" Daniel asks. His sandwich is decidedly mediocre. 
Max considers. "Yes," he says finally. "Thank you, my Daniel."
Something inside of Daniel's chest shifts. He's changed forever. 
"Good," he says, his voice catching. "I'm glad."
&&&
Two. 
Max hasn't wet the bed in weeks. The nightlights had finally managed to turn frequent into infrequent into barely ever. 
Barely ever isn't not ever, though. Daniel's woken up by an insistent little hand on his shoulder. "My Daniel," Max says, sniffling. 
Daniel blinks away sleep. "What's up?"
"The bed's wet," Max says. 
Daniel sits up. "That's okay, Maxy-Max," he says. "That's okay. Nobody's mad."
Max sucks in a ragged, tearful breath. 
Daniel kisses Max's flushed forehead. "Let's go get you cleaned up."
Max tucks his hand into Daniel's, sleepy and tearful, and holds on. 
&&&
Three. 
"I didn't know where you were," Max says reprovingly, once he's discovered Daniel face down on the sofa, snoring into a Pokemon cushion with the TV on low, and poked him awake. "There's no breakfast bowl."
That is a reprimand. The rule is, no TV before breakfast. TV is allowed with breakfast, but the new rule came into force last week when Max refused to eat anything because he wanted to watch Detective Pikachu through to the end even though his tummy was rumbling. So: no TV before breakfast. 
Daniel didn't go to sleep until after four, though, and he's only out here in the living room because he'd finally got bored of watching the time tick by on his sunrise alarm clock and had resigned himself to pulling an all-nighter. He'd come out here to drink coffee and watch whatever he could find on TV in the middle of the night, then had promptly passed out eight minutes into an old episode of Friends. 
"You have to turn the TV off," Max repeats. 
Daniel obliges. He still feels mostly asleep. He rubs his fists into his eyes. 
"Hmm," Max says. 
"I didn't sleep very well," Daniel says. He doesn't look at his watch but Max likes to be awake pretty early. As an adult Max likes to sleep late, but kid Max doesn't feel the same way. Consequently, Daniel's life has flipped to an early bird timetable. His body hasn't quite caught up, though, and there have always been nights where he's stared at the ceiling for far too many hours. "Might have to be careful with me today, champ." He does finger guns to try and make it cool, but he's just tired. 
Max blinks at him. "Okay, my Daniel." He turns on his heel and disappears out of the living room, before coming back in clutching Pikachu. "You can hug Pikachu," he says. There's a pause. "Can we have breakfast now?"
Daniel laughs. "Sure can," he says, wrapping an arm around Pikachu's round middle. "What are we having today? Would monsieur like a fish? An omelette?" He does his silliest French accent. It's very bad. Max laughs. He always has the exact same breakfast. Max likes cereal. Cereal, and his milk in his own special jug. He won't entertain anything else. "A croissant, Max? A fried egg? Un oeuf?"
"No, no, no," Max says. "Cereal, please."
"Coming right up, monsieur," Daniel says, and as Max pads into the kitchen in his pyjamas, Daniel's heart skips a little soft beat. 
&&&
Four. 
"Daniel, my Daniel," Max calls, barely even waiting for Daniel to get out of the car. Daniel's been into the village to get fresh bread for lunch, and he's come back with wine for him and his parents, a few bits and pieces his dad had wanted for their dinner that evening, and a new bat and ball game for if Max can be tempted out of the pool for any significant period of time. 
Daniel grabs the bags. "Maxy-Max," he calls back, finishing off with his best camel impression just to make him laugh. He wanders around to the back of the house to the pool, where his mum and dad are — predictably — in the water with Max. "Mum, Dad. Everyone present and correct, I see."
"Watch me," Max tells him, clambering out of the pool and getting water everywhere. "Look what I can do now!" 
"I'm watching," Daniel says. 
He watches Max sit down on the edge of the pool with his feet in the water. He puts his hands above his head, shaped like he's going to dive, and Daniel knows what he's going to see. This is how he got taught to go into the water face first. His parents taught him and now they're teaching Max. 
Max tilts forward and forward until he's going into the water in a little seated dive. He emerges from the water, beaming, to Daniel's mum and dad clapping him, and Daniel cheering. Max swims over to the steps, and Daniel's waiting for him at the top of them. He gets a very wet and very excited hug. 
"Did you see?" Max asks. 
"I saw," Daniel says. He blinks away tears. He doesn't know why he's crying. "I saw, and you were brilliant."
"Good," Max says solidly, and follows Daniel inside, little wet footprints all the way after him. 
&&&
Five. 
Max is three. He's sleepy and full, a solid little lump in Daniel's lap. He's demanded three stories already before bed tonight, and Daniel's accommodating because in the morning this little version of Max might be gone. Daniel might get his seven year old Max back, or he might wake up to an empty bed and two missing cats, and Max having left to pick his life back up. 
Daniel kisses the top of Max's head. "This is the last story," he says, but he'll probably stretch it out until Max falls asleep right where he's sitting. There's no rush, anyway. There's nothing for either of them to do with their days. He turns the pages in their little book about kittens.
"My Daniel," Max says sleepily, a little garbled around his thumb. He sucks his thumb when he's three, and Daniel hasn't any interest in stopping him. He'll let Max have anything he finds comforting. He deserves the little kindnesses. 
"My Max," Daniel says softly. Max is falling asleep in his arms, his eyes drooping. It's time to put him to bed. "Time for sleep, my little Max. Time for bed."
Max is asleep by the time Daniel's carried him through into the bedroom. He doesn't stir as Daniel tucks him in, as he makes sure the nightlights are all turned on and that Pikachu's in easy reach. 
He stands in the doorway for a long time before he turns away. 
&&&
(And Another Time)
Daniel is so, so tired. His body feels heavy. His mum had gone with him to the doctor's yesterday, and they'd stopped at a pharmacy on the way home to pick up his new pills. She'd brought him a glass of water and a plate of crackers to have with the first dose. He'd downed them all obediently. 
They're not magic. He's not woken up this morning feeling happy again, or like his chest is more than the black, sucking hole where his heart used to be. 
He doesn't open his eyes. A tear escapes without his permission. He hates this. He hates feeling like he does right now, hates the nothingness, the weight of his body against the earth. 
"Hey, Daniel, my Daniel." It's Max, sleeping next to him for the fourth night in a row. He's big but he hasn't left. He always leaves but this time he hasn't. He's still here. He strokes Daniel's hair. "It is okay. I am here and your mum's here. We will make it all all right again. I promise, Daniel. You don't need to cry." He strokes his thumb under Daniel's eye, catching Daniel's stray tears. He wipes his thumb on the sheets then curls his hand into Daniel's. He laces their fingers together. "We've got you."
And Daniel, desperate, holds on. 
&&&
(thank you to Lin @andwegogreen for reading these as I wrote them tonight 🧡🧡🧡)
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danielsarmand · 3 days ago
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ugh yes you get it it’s not ABOUT ships being endgame i feel like ppl have come to expect that nowadays and it’s really weird. whatever happened to scraping for crumbs of interaction and running 20 miles with whatever we got?? and even if a ship does become ‘canon’ it’ll usually never happen in the way you personally want anyway. they’re NARRATIVE FOILS babe it doesn’t get much better than this i am eating it UP
i swear the new season has been EXASPERATING from a fandom standpoint. i think in retrospect it was like this with season one and the whole mel thing, too, but enough time has passed that my brain conveniently forgot about that.
i don't want to make this about age, but when i was growing up in fandom we used to have maybe a 1% canonization rate when it came to queer ships, which forced me to develop an array of skills i don't see much of anymore. queercoding and queer characters were there still, regardless of how canon or not a ship was, and everyone agreed that canon love interests mattered very little when the dynamic of two characters was the core of said characters.
i genuinely could care less about mel and jayce when they uh. got together i guess??? and i say i guess because we barely know anything about their relationship and dynamic. which is the point! we know way more about him and viktor, so that's where my thoughts go.
people were making a fuss over jayce and mel fucking, meanwhile i was going insane over their sex scene being paralleled to viktor coughing blood, and about how afterwards we see mel waking up in bed alone because viktor wakes up in bed and jayce is beside him. now, people are making a fuss about viktor and sky and i'm over here thinking of what sky is: a symbol, a representation of viktor and jayce's dream, of viktor's humanity and of his remorse. because that isn't even grief—he barely knew sky, didn't even look at her once in season one, he cannot grieve someone he didn't care for; he grieves her POTENTIAL, what she could have been had he let her, he feels guilty for being the cause of her death and he clings to his humanity through her.
arcane is all about visuals. every single frame. none of it is left to chance. and this is unfortunate when its viewers seem adamant on not turning on their brains whilst they watch.
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swamp-world · 12 hours ago
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Ooh genuinely the best and most stressful part of going out of town is trying to make everything line up for this to all happen SO. my checklist of things to always do before you go:
Full disclosure: if possible I tend to take early-morning or late-night trips, so I often don't sleep before flying or travelling (anxiety about being late), so I tend to do all of this the night before travelling. I can't really advise on the best way to fit this into daytime leaving-times but you are clever people.
Stinky things. The obvious ones but it's easy to forget one or two. Clean the bathrooms, empty ALL the garbage and compost and recycling, flush the toilets and scrub them. It is tempting not to scrub your toilets before you go away because you are going away and will not be using them. This is the devil talking. Scrub your toilet. Also wash the sinks themselves. I don't care if you normally do or not, do it before you go away for three weeks. Put fresh garbage bags in. I know you are not going to be using the garbage for three weeks but you-in-three-weeks is going to be pissed at you-right-now when you get home and just want to toss out your garbage and fall asleep. (yes it is a small thing. yes it is worth it.)
Bath/shower. Make sure your shower curtain is spread out! Save yourself the mildew! If you like baths, make sure your tub is clean so that if you want to come home and soak you can! Either way, have things ready to have a shower when you get back.
Laundry: sheets, towels, clothes. This one is the most pain in the ass because it involves timing your laundry for a few days before, if you're like me, but there is nothing better than coming home to fresh sheets on a newly made bed, clean towels laid out, and pyjamas all ready (or a set of clothes that you don't have to think about, if you have to go to work/school/other things as soon as you get back in).
Laundry - sheets. The night before I travel I'll change out my sheets and ideally since I'm up all night wash the dirty sheets and put them away so I don't have to worry about them upon return. If you can't do fully fresh sheets, wash them the day before, and take a few minutes to make sure your bed is made nicely. That way when you get in you can either fall asleep right away, or start unpacking and sort things on your bed without having to strip or remake it.
Laundry - towels. I do my sheets and towels all together, so the same rules apply. Leave a full towel set ready for yourself (and however many other people in the house are travelling). If you have roommates who aren't travelling, this isn't as much a problem, but still make sure you have towels set aside for yourself for when you return, in case your roommate used them all and forgot to do laundry.
Laundry - clothes. I don't like leaving laundry sitting before going away in case it stinks or starts to take up smells, so same as the sheets, I'll do all the dirty laundry before going away, so that hopefully the only dirty laundry I have is what I'm wearing when I leave the house. If I have to, I'll do laundry the day before I travel, and whatever clothes I'll be wearing for that day, I make sure I would want to take them with me, so that I toss them in my bag and clean them while travelling. Same with pyjamas.
Speaking of pyjamas! Make sure you leave a clean set ready. Put them under your pillow or lay them out on your bed. Same goes for clothing--before you leave, it's never a bad idea to lay out some outfits for when you return. If you can, have a nice outfit and a casual outfit, even if you're planning on getting home in the evening and not having to do anything. There's always a chance your flight gets delayed or rescheduled, and this way if the worst-case scenario hits and you need to get home and run out the door to work, you're set and have saved yourself a few minutes of stress; and best case scenario, you can just come home and change out of your gross travel clothes and into comfy clothes.
And about your clean clothes: fold them and put them away. Half of this is all less about having to do the work itself when you return and more about the relief of not having the visual clutter, mess, or reminder of further chores to be done. Coming home to empty laundry baskets just feels good.
Dishes. Self explanatory. Don't leave any. Wash the sink itself. Leave them to dry themselves, no worries. But DO NOT leave the dishwasher full; in my experience unless you clean your dishwasher regularly the dishes in there are just likely to get gross all over again.
Fridge. Go through it a few days before you go. Make sure you're using what can't be frozen. Don't wait until the day before to start sorting and packing things up to freeze. And more things can be frozen than you think! Look it up if you're not sure! Last time I left I was up late prepping a huge block of paneer for freezing because it took prep work, so make sure you're prepared to take a bit of time for that instead of getting blindsided.
Floors. Sweep them, mop if you get a chance. Dust is going to settle while you're gone and you are going to have to sweep when you get back anyways, but better to minimize that so you aren't super grumpy when you take your socks off. Same goes for vacuuming carpets.
The rest is mostly just tidying up clutter and making things look organized. You're doing this for no one but yourself, so don't be too harsh about it, but think about what you-in-three-weeks will want to return to. It doesn't have to be "everything in its right place" but certainly enough that you're not having to clean off counter space or sort through piles, or looking at a pile and sighing because you will have to sort through it.
If you have the ability to plan food for yourself for when you get in, do that. See if you've got something shelf-stable or in the freezer that you can have for breakfast the day after you get in so you aren't panicking about buying groceries immediately. Try to have a prepped meal in the freezer that you can microwave or something of the sort if you don't want to have to buy a meal.
This is about giving yourself some room to decompress after travelling! While it's a break from work or school or whatever, it's often also stressful, and if the travelling aspect itself isn't stressing you out, there's likely a bit of dread about returning to work, or having to cook, or just...daily life. Make it so that when you get home, you're able to relax for a little bit longer. That the chores you have to do are related to unpacking, not cleaning up your messes from three weeks ago.
Don't be afraid to ask people for help with all of this. If you live with roommates and can't wash your sheets before you go, ask if they can wash them for you. If a friend is watering your plants and collecting your mail for you, leave $50 and a grocery list and ask if they can grab some essentials for when you get back. If someone is housesitting for you, make sure they know your expectations for how clean the place should be when you return. Maybe ask if they can sweep a few days before you get back. Get them to take the leftovers out of the freezer so that they're thawed by the time you get in.
I am not very serious about planning for travelling. What I am serious about is planning for returning. That last point is probably the most crucial: if you have friends or family or loved ones who will be able to help when you get back, ask if they can. And do the same for them! When someone is going away for a long time, ask if there's anything you can do to help. If they've got a ride to or from the airport, if you could bring them a meal when they get back. It's nice for if they're returning from a vacation, it's better if they're returning from travelling for more serious reasons, and it means you get to see them to say hello, if only for a few exhausted minutes.
Trust OP when they say that returning to a clean house is better than sex. (And perhaps if you aren't too tired after travelling you can in fact have great sex in your clean house!)
edit lmao i just actually went through the rest of the notes on this post to find someone else saying "DO NOT STAY AWAKE ALL NIGHT THE NIGHT BEFORE TRAVELLING TO GET THIS ALL DONE IN A PANIC, MAKE A CLEANING PLAN OR SCHEDULE FOR THE DAY BEFORE TRAVELLING" and you should probably listen to them, unless you're like me and going to be awake anyways, in which case just make sure you don't start at midnight and need to be ready to leave at 5am.
adding something to my "adult advice that i had to discover for myself either because no one told me or when i saw adults do it as a kid i couldn't possibly understand," featuring such hits as "grill sandwiches with mayo" and "almost no quality matters more than flexibility," and it is:
clean your house before a vacation because returning to an already clean house is waaay better than sex
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cheshiresense · 18 hours ago
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Hello Anon, I hope you won't mind if I screenshot pieces of your ask, I read it but my muse vaulted over your first 3 questions and then took off on your 4.1, and now here we are, so I'm just going to chop these up and post them depending on what I can come up with.
This started out with TBTP!Shunsui never getting his memories and then kind of spiralled. He still doesn't get his memories but... well, you'll see. It really ran away from me lmao. No thoughts behind it, just vibes, I hammered this out in like fifteen minutes and it felt like a fever dream.
Starrk would definitely have complicated feelings about it. Like at the start when he agreed to go back, I think a part of him even then expected for the entire thing to end with his death, even if they manage to neutralize Aizen and defeat the Wandenreich, but whether or not he manages to survive it all, he definitely has no plans to get together with TBTP!Shunsui.
For one, obviously they're not the same person. I wouldn't say they're completely different, and I imagine TBTP!Shunsui would be a lot closer to Winter War!Shunsui, whom Starrk had met first. But TYBW!Shunsui is the one Starrk knew best, and TYBW!Shunsui suffered quite a few losses in a very short time. Like to Shinigami, even a hundred years probably isn't that much, especially to one who's already lived over a thousand years. But TYBW!Shunsui lost everyone he'd known for a thousand years in like the space of a week, he lost his mentor, he lost his closest friend, and on top of all that, he had the weight of a war fuelled by a grudge a thousand years in the making dumped on his shoulders, he had the duties of Captain-Commander of the Gotei 13 dumped on him, he had the deaths of literal thousands of Shinigami dumped on him, and then in this AU he had to be the one to carry everyone else through another 7 years of waging an endless bloody war that after a certain point neither side was ever going to win, but he had no way of stopping it either.
That sort of thing would take its toll on anyone. TYBW!Shunsui was a man changed by loss and grief and more responsibilities than he'd ever wanted. I imagine he would've had very little time or cause to still remember how to be the person he was before the Quincy War when he still had it in him to relax and enjoy life.
But I also imagine that Starrk being there had helped. Starrk has always been a quick learner, and it's not like he'd really known anyone there save Shunsui. He stuck close to his Shinigami, watched and learnd the way Shunsui strategized for each assault and skirmish, contributed what he could where he could, pitched in by keeping the Fourth Divison alive and functioning, shouldered some of that weight by finally wielding all his strength and mowing down entire battlefields of Quincy on his own just so other Shinigami wouldn't have to and Shunsui would thereby have one less thing to worry about.
And in the precious stolen moments in-between, Shunsui had someone to go home with, someone who guarded him while he slept, someone to distract him from the war (from his failure to protect yet more Shinigami fallen in battle under his command), someone to sit beside who knew the same kind of loneliness and didn't recoil from it, who was content to hold him and share in his silence when he just needed a moment to breathe.
I imagine there wouldn't have been many things to be happy about, but I think they'd still manage to carve out some happiness between them. Starrk had known very little of things like human food and clothes and games and books. Shunsui had been delighted to introduce whatever he could to him. They learned about each other, about their similarities and differences, about their strengths and weakness and hopes and fears, secrets exchanged in the dead of night in the safety of a shared office, a shared bed, a shared home. And even in the midst of a war and so much death and destruction, they managed to build something beautiful and strong, something that would've been long-lasting too under any other circumstances.
Because then Shunsui dies, a year before the true end of the war, and Starrk had perhaps not seen it coming even though there was never any real guarantee on a battlefield, but it had also been an unspoken certainty of his, something he knew the way he knew bones were breakable and blood was red and murder was easy--the day Kyouraku Shunsui dies would be the day Coyote Starrk would also fall. With any luck, Shunsui would only die over his dead body, but fortune has never favoured Starrk, and he'd figured the other way was fine too. That way, Starrk wouldn't be yet another person in a long line of people to have left Shunsui behind and alone once again, and he'd thought it would make no real difference. If Shunsui dies, Starrk would surely be minutes behind, by his own hand or otherwise.
That doesn't happen. It doesn't happen because the rest of the Gotei had gotten over any qualms they might've had about working with an Arrancar or even Aizen's former Primera Espada years ago, and besides, Starrk had already broken all the known rules and beliefs several years back by becoming a whole soul and evolving into something no one had ever seen before. He couldn't really be considered a Hollow anymore, for all that there was no other name for him either. And with all that he'd done - following Shunsui into battles and meetings and everything in-between with the kind of steadfast devotion the tide held for the moon, burning the midnight oil right alongside all the other captains and lieutenants because even a hopeless war generated paperwork and headaches as much as it did low supplies and emergency triage and lists and lists of dead, powering through enemy forces to save even just one more Shinigami with the kind of firepower rivalled only by the likes of Kurosaki Ichigo and Aizen Sousuke, and carrying the Fourth on his back by sheer force of will and a truly terrifying mind that had soaked up every medical text he'd had time to read and every medical procedure he'd had time to learn or extrapolate or straight-up invent out of fatal necessity - Starrk had long become a pillar the Gotei 13 couldn't do without, a figure at their helm as familiar and reassuring as the long unwavering shadow Kyouraku had cast. And in the devastating wake of even their Captain-Commander's death, with only a handful of captains and their squads remaining, they couldn't afford another titanic loss on its heels.
And, as Hirako had been the one to point out, all glittering ruthless eyes borne from desperation and pragmatism--Kyouraku Shunsui had protected Soul Society with his very last breath; if they were to ever meet again, would Starrk even be able to look Shunsui in the eye if he wouldn't even stick around to try and defend the place and people Shunsui had loved enough to die for?
(A year later, Mimihagi would use the exact same argument to receive the answer he needed to send the second envoy the Soul King had chosen back in time to save the world.)
(Perhaps the lesson Starrk had learnt best at Shunsui's side had been the one of duty. Or perhaps it had been the one Shunsui hadn't even meant to teach but Starrk had learnt anyway, had held closest to his heart, the one of love.
They were about the same thing in the end, when it came to what Starrk would do for Shunsui.)
Hirako had even dragged Ichigo to stand before him, Isane too, each and every last person Starrk would even nominally call a comrade and was still alive--Hirako had put them all in front of him, and then he'd asked if Starrk could really go to his grave in peace.
The bastard had gotten his way in the end, and Starrk had never come as close to hitting someone unprovoked as he had right then. He'd been left the sole survivor once again, left to soldier on alone, and some days, he has no idea how he keeps going.
(Some days, Starrk had wondered, still wonders, if Shunsui had known his death was coming, or had known what would happen should his death come to pass, so he had made… arrangements accordingly. Most days, Starrk knows it's best not to know the answer because it would probably be the one thing he would never be able to forgive Shunsui for.)
So Starrk had hung on for another year and done his best for what was left of the Shinigami, for the dwindling pockets of civilians, for Kurosaki Ichigo. Anyone with eyes could tell though, that he'd just been waiting until the war was over one way or another, until the day he could lie down and not wake up again.
Of course, as it turned out, he wasn't even allowed that much, and a lifetime later, Starrk is still alive because death just won't take him, or he just won't die.
He has zero desire to even look at TBTP!Shunsui. The first time he has to anyway and sees two eyes instead of one, it's like a knife to the gut. They're lighter too, somehow, without the void of grief and exhaustion and quiet despair bruising their depths. His gaze still holds a weight to it, he's still loved and lost before, he's still lived a thousand years with all the joys and sorrows that entails, but he hasn't lost everything, hasn't lost those dearest to him, hasn't had to pick himself up and force himself to march on anyway towards a dead-end future, and for a moment, it's like Starrk is looking at a stranger.
He thinks, randomly, bizarrely, in those first few minutes of their second first meeting, that it's a good thing he always wears gloves when he goes out.
He thinks, madly, nonsensically, that if he were to touch this Shunsui now, it would stain him black with desolation, or red with blood that would never run dry.
He thinks, abruptly, hysterically, that he'd somehow forgotten the hole Shunsui had left behind with his death, as if the past year had numbed him so thoroughly that it had frozen even his grief in its tracks, except it all comes roaring back now, an empty pit that's always been waiting for him to remember it, threatening to drown him whole. Frankly, he would welcome it if he thought it would kill him once and for all.
It's frighteningly easy to pretend nothing is wrong. Perhaps it shouldn't be. He's never been one to emote outwardly, always been good at displaying nothing but impassivity without even trying, to the point where Shunsui had remarked more than once that it was difficult to read him (and then pouted and asked what Starrk was thinking - don't leave him out, it's hurtful - and he'd always want to know even when Starrk was clearly thinking of nothing important at all).
He greets this Shunsui politely, with the courtesy an Academy student should afford a captain, he makes smalltalk as necessary, he doesn't look at anyone in particular but also doesn't avoid anyone's gaze, and then he lets himself fall silent as Ichigo draws everyone's attention again with no deliberate effort whatsoever when he blows up at something his cousin says.
It's easy to fade into the background after that, to fade into himself, retreating into his own mind with the ease of long practice. Once upon a time, he could spend years like this, buried so deep in his own head that when he surfaced and became aware again, the sand dunes would've shifted and changed, and new mountains of bones would've already formed around him.
The few times eyes turn back to him, he nods in all the right places and responds at all the right times and pretends the world hasn't become white noise in his ears.
(He'd had these episodes a few times during the war, never when there was immediate work to be done or a fight to be fought, but in their downtime, it would sneak up on him. It had never lasted more than a couple hours at a time, but he'd scared the hell out of Shunsui the first time, had found himself at the Fourth when he'd woken, but then he'd explained, and Shunsui's expression had been unreadable but his eyes had looked pained. He'd shaken his head when Starrk had said he could leave him alone or just smack him out of it, either way he'd come back sooner or later, but Shunsui had refused, and every time it had happened after that, Starrk would wake with his head pillowed against Shunsui's shoulder or chest or thigh, Shunsui's arm wrapped around him or his bulk at his back and a blanket draped around them both, warm and comfortable and never alone.)
(He is alone again now, and he doesn't understand why it's so difficult to relearn something he had known for far longer than he hadn't.)
He's here to check Fujiwara's Hohou - Shunsui's cousin, Shunsui never mentioned her, she must've died long ago in the future - so he does that when he's cued and works her through the problem and suggests a few exercises, and that's that. He practically sleepwalks through the rest of this little gathering, barely manages to feel vaguely relieved when it looks like they can all finally part ways, and hazily wonders if he can get away with booting Ichigo back to his own room for the night. He's pretty sure he's going to end up scaring the kid if he falls even further into his own mind.
Then Shiba Kaien does him a favour out of the blue, nagging Ichigo until the kid snaps and irritably agrees to spend the night at his family's compound. Distantly, Starrk is aware of being invited as well, but that's easy enough to refuse, citing an exam in the morning - or maybe he says assignment due, he's not sure - and the Clan Head says next time then, and- and-
He blinks and it's time to go. Nothing seems amiss so he inclines his head at the captains and lieutenant, bids Ichigo and Fujiwara farewell, and then takes his leave in a flash of Shunpou.
Starrk has seconds to feel nebulously pleased with himself, another second to remind himself to avoid the Eighth like the plague from here on out, and then even that's gone as he locks himself in his room, and the rest of the night is lost. He is more than happy to lose it.
He'd had exactly zero presence of mind to catch the way Kyouraku Shunsui had been staring - if discreetly - at him the entire time, from under his hat or out of the corner of his eye, and by the end of the entire encounter, the man had even shaken his kimono over his hands to hide the way they'd slowly curled into white-knuckled fists.
Shunsui doesn't know how no one else had felt it, bleeding into the air like a severed artery--a bottomless chasm of loneliness and grief that had felt like it should've been screaming with the agony of it, except there'd only been the deafening silence of barren wastelands, an emptiness reflected in Starrk’s perfectly blank eyes and perfectly sculpted non-expression, and Shunsui doesn't understand why he alone had evidently just taken a metaphorical dive straight into the man's very soul.
(Starrk would've, if he'd noticed. After all, a lifetime ago, Kyoukotsu had loved bringing his wolves back to her soulscape to play with, and Katen had often visited his soulscape in turn for tea and conversation. His and Shunsui's souls had long learned to recognize each other, mingling in a way that had transcended all possible boundaries, and in the face of that, what did a little thing like time and space matter?)
When Starrk had left, Shunsui had almost followed, had wanted to with an instinctual sort of urgency he couldn't even explain to himself, let alone anyone else. Several times, he'd almost reached out while the others were talking, to provide comfort perhaps, or to take some of the pain even, and it had only been the equally intuitive certainty that doing so would break something in Starrk that had ultimately stopped him each time.
"Kyouraku, is something wrong?" Ukitake asks once the others are all gone, because of course his best friend had noticed something off with Shunsui, even if not with Starrk.
Shunsui reaches up and tugs on the brim of his hat and doesn't know how to explain that wrong could not even begin to cover whatever the hell had just happened.
His insides are still shuddering like they've been ripped out very slowly. He still wants to run all the way to the Academy this instant. And he feels-
He feels inexplicably like he's lost something beloved and doesn't know if he'll ever get it back.
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quantum1mmortality · 1 day ago
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i- i the Curly obsession has been sparked i-
Curly with reader on her period? can be sfw & nsfw; love your work ty <3
I'm going to cry I love writing period fics sm ❤️❤️❤️ also guys I wanted to let you know that the expected release date for my full length Curly slow burn is Christmas day, it might be done before that but I'm gonna put it off for Christmas as a gift ❤️
Tw/cw; Afab!reader, mentions of blood kinks, mentions of cunnilingus, normal nsfw stuff
Not proofread
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Sfw
Idc what you guys say this man knows what a period is and is going all out to make sure you feel comfortable.
If you were to text him while he's at work, saying you're on your period, he's dropping everything and showing up at your doorstep 30 minutes later with chocolates and ice cream in one hand and pads and tampons in the other.
He didn't know what brand of pads/tampons you preferred, so he got a variety of boxes and just hoped for the best.
If you get period cramps, Curly is going to have a bottle of Tylenol in his back pocket just to have on standby. He is NOT going to let you suffer 🙏🙏
I feel like he'd run warm baths each night for you, just to help you clean up a little bit before bed. Is this aftercare? Yeah. Yeah it is. IM the writer, I can write whatever I want, and I'm saying these baths ARE aftercare
You probably won't need heating pads if Curly is staying over. He's a human furnace and would be more than happy to cuddle you. Just tell him where you're hurting and his hands will be there.
Nsfw
If you think blood is going to scare this man away, you're dead wrong. Curly would literally preach, "a real man isn't afraid to get a little blood on his sword", you aren't turning him off by leaving a metallic taste in his mouth 😭
Speaking of which, yes, he'd still eat you out if you were on your period. Blood just doesn't weird him out, so practically everything would be the exact same as it would be otherwise.
Chat this is a hot take, but blood kink. I'm definitely NOT projecting, Curly has a slight blood kink.
I think that he just likes the sight of blood covering your inner thighs and his face after he eats you out. I'm not sure why he's into it, but he is.
Sex with Curly while on your period is mostly the same, but he would be a LOT more gentle. Which, doesn't really say much, since he's already very gentle with you.
His grip on you wouldn't be as tight as it usually is, his thrusts would be more slow and rough, but most importantly, he lets you top.
I've gone over this already, Curly is a switch that mostly tops. But, you're on your period, things must be rough for you, he knows that! So he lets you take control, get a little rough with him. You know what you need in those moments, so he'd rather you take control as opposed to him not giving you what you need.
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A/N; hhhhhhhhhhhh
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gotta-winwin · 2 hours ago
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(🎞️) ... hit the road docu.<> speed isn't all that matters
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word count: 1.6k TW: slightlycold!wonwoo, tiny sliver of angst (we're getting there!), overworking, passing out, FLUFF, comfort italics are interview moments cut between other scenes a/n: second htr! we're starting that landslide into the angst (ദ്ദി ˙ᗜ˙ ) they are so cute in this omgomgomg
Wonwoo sat awkwardly on the pedestal, doing his best to balance while still posing for the camera.
"We had a lot of photoshoots and interviews while touring in Japan." Wonwoo explained to the camera. "Feels like we were posing for photos everywhere."
Wonwoo stood up once the photographer had finished his series of shots. He was tired and couldn't wait to get back to the hotel.
"Wait a moment, Wonwoo." Their manager called out to stop him. "They want a couple shots of you and Cyana."
Wonwoo sighed, nodding as he reluctantly returned to his seat. Cyana walked over, bowing politely to the staff. She stood awkwardly next to Wonwoo, a clear gap between them as she waited for instructions.
"Cyana-yah, can you stand behind Wonwoo?" Their translator smiled kindly as she directed the girl. "Wrap your arms around his shoulders, yes- that's good."
Wonwoo glanced up at the girl, looking away when their eyes met. He couldn't help but stiffen up as they both turned towards the camera. "I thought you went home with the others." He mumbled out of the corner of his mouth, smiling as the photographer clicked away. Most of the members had already finished their photoshoots and gone home.
Cyana's lips quirked down into a suppressed frown. "I stayed back. The car could only take four of us and Seungkwan looked dead on his feet."
"Look this way!" The photographer yelled, cutting off whatever had been Wonwoo's reply.
"Schedules forced Wonwoo to actually talk to me." Cyana couldn't help but grin despite the topic. "It was fun, I guess."
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"I've always been a very introverted person." Wonwoo said to the camera, wringing his hands nervously. "I enjoy having time to myself."
Cyana smiled when the interviewer finished talking. "Yeah.. Wonwoo's always been a bit of an enigma to me. Like a mystery I just can't figure out."
Cyana's sitting with Dino in their hotel room, busy eating the lunch they had grabbed from the staff room. They're both mid-bite when the door opens.
"Nana~" Seungkwan walked in, fixing his hat. He was dressed and ready to go out. "Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Spotting the camera, he waves. "Oh- Hi~ We're going to Super Junior's concert."
Cyana shook her head, still chewing. "It's okay." She managed to say once swallowing. "I think I'm going to stay in today."
Seungkwan nodded, ruffling both her and Dino's hair before leaving. Neither maknae gave any indication they had even noticed the action, continuing to enjoy their meal.
"I'm gonna go to the sauna with Vernon later." Dino told Cyana through muffled chewing. "Do you want to come?"
Cyana made a face. "To the sauna?" She mimed gagging. "No thanks, Chan."
Dino made a face back. "I keep forgetting there are things you can't do that other members can." He smiled when she frowned. "I guess going to the sauna would be a little weird."
"I guess??" Cyana questioned, amazed at his lack of modesty. "A little??"
Dino shrugged. "You're a bro, bro."
"Where on earth did you learn that-" Cyana asked, though she already knew the answer. Vernon. Duh.
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Jun and Cyana lazed in bed, Cyana watching Jun's phone from next to him. The girl was half-asleep, eyelids drooping and head lulling against the wall.
Wonwoo walked in, fresh from a shower, double taking when he saw Cyana. Gears turning in his head, he reluctantly slid into his own bed, throwing his blanket over himself.
"What did you do today, Wonwoo?" Jun asked, eyes still focused on the phone. He looked over at Wonwoo before checking on Cyana, smiling to himself when he saw her tired expression.
"I played tennis." Wonwoo answered. "Worked out, went swimming, then ate with the others- what did you guys eat?" He subconsciously said guys, including Cyana into the question. She perked up from Jun's side, suddenly awake.
"I ate with Donghae and Eunhyuk hyung after their concert." Jun replied, nudging Cyana. "What about you?"
"I ate with Dino."
Both boys frowned. "I thought that was your lunch." Jun said, both confused and worried. "You didn't have anything for dinner?"
Cyana paused. "I had some snacks. Not that hungry, since I didn't do much today." She shrugged. "I ate a lot for lunch anyways." Redirecting the topic, she turned to Jun. "Was the concert fun?"
Jun nodded. "It was so much fun." Sitting up straighter, he placed down his phone, fully engaged now. "They speak Japanese so well."
Wonwoo hummed. "We should learn to do that."
"Jeonghan and Hoshi are both great." Cyana sighed. "I think if I have one more language in my head I might combust."
Her quip brought both boys to laughter. "It's okay." Wonwoo said quietly, once the laughter died down. "You can just speak a lot for our North American tours."
"I always had a kind of weak presence, and I never fit in well as a kid." Wonwoo told the camera. "But with Seventeen I didn't get that feeling. They made me feel welcomed, always made me shine without needing to." He paused for a moment, thinking. "They're very important to me- because of that."
"Mingyu once told me Wonwoo cared deeply about his place in the group - he said it might sound selfish but I don't think so." Cyana's eyes were a little sad as she looked at the interviewer. "Mingyu said Wonwoo only has Seventeen. I guess he was just trying to tell me Wonwoo's very protective over the people he loves - and that was the only reason why it felt like he didn't like me." Cyana shrugged. "It made me hate him less."
"Ah. Mingyu told her that?" Wonwoo grimaced once hearing what the interviewer told him about Cyana's interview before him. "I guess he's right. I didn't want Seventeen to break apart because of her." He looked away, embarrassed. "They were my first friends. I only have them."
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"What do you mean Dino's ill?"
Cyana stared at a worried Hoshi. "Is it serious?" She asked, verging on panic. It felt like the boys were dropping like flies around her - what with Jeonghan's body decay, DK's sore throat, Seungkwan's ankle, Seungcheol's unstable mind and now Dino.
"He's getting it checked." Hoshi told her, not wanting to worry her further with the details. "You won't do anything - panicking like that."
Cyana took a few breaths, knowing he was right. "You're right. Okay." She let out a deep breath. "He'll be okay."
"On in 3 minutes!" A staff member called from the door.
She stood up, following everyone as they shuffled out towards the stage. Wonwoo stumbled a few paces in front of her, making her look his way.
"You good?" She whispered, speeding up to stand beside him.
He only gave her a curt nod, refusing to look at her and instead focusing on the lift in front of them. They could both hear the cheers from here.
"Go, go!" A staff rushes them both onto the lift before either of them could break the silence. Cyana could only glance at him again as they were lifted up onstage.
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She thought she was mistaken when she saw him go down. The area behind the stage was dimly lit, and there was a commotion as the Hiphop Unit finished their stage and came down to switch with the Performance Unit. Cyana thought maybe her eyes were acting up, when she saw Wonwoo run down the stairs, take a few steps and drop.
Staff members were on him in an instant. Cyana was shoved aside as they rushed to lift him, moving him out the walkway and onto a table- it's sole purpose was to serve as a bed in case this very thing happened.
She felt like her limbs were falling her, leaving her frozen in place.
"Go." Mingyu mouthed the words at her, pointing at Wonwoo. He pointed next at the tent, gesturing that he needed to get his mic checked. "Stay with him." He pointed again at Wonwoo.
Cyana willed her legs to move, shuffling over to Wonwoo's side. The crowd of staff had dispersed, leaving him alone with two staff members- one with a fan and one with an oxygen tank.
She took the oxygen tank from one of them and told them she could do it instead.
"Wonwoo." She muttered, lifting the oxygen tank and placing it gently in front of his mouth. His chest rose dangerously fast as he tried to catch his breath. "Breathe." She found only English in her mind as she tried not to panic. "Please breathe."
His eyes darted around until they landed on her face. Eyebrows furrowing slightly, he raised a hand and pushed the oxygen tank weakly away from his face, trying to speak. "What- what's going on." He panted out, his speech slightly slurred.
Cyana felt her heart crack. "Don't try to talk." She reprimanded him, gently pushing him back down to rest. "You passed out."
If Wonwoo could breathe, he would've snapped at her to leave him alone, that he could take care of himself. He couldn't. Instead, he closed his eyes, allowing her to take care of him. Just this once.
"She was gentle with me." Wonwoo recalled. "Even though I hadn't been kind to her."
"Breathe." She mumbled again, mindlessly repeating it as her brain turned numb from everything going on. She stayed next to him, raising the oxygen tank to his lips whenever his lungs failed to do the job. "It's okay."
"She stayed throughout the whole thing." Wonwoo looked sheepishly at the camera. "I don't think I even said 'thank you.' We just returned on stage."
Cyana shrugged at the interviewer's question. "He didn't need to say anything. Sometimes words fail us - his eyes said enough."
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howtobeamagicalgirl · 2 months ago
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Becoming desperate to Go Back to a place that doesn't exist anymore in a time that is long, long gone. My cue to go to bed.
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javierduffy · 8 days ago
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freedom- not a boat, nor the west, but love.
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foreverxdaydreaming · 2 months ago
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x
#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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lungfuls · 3 months ago
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Maybe I'm projecting and being hopeful but I mentioned to M that I don't even get to shit by myself in peace lmao and I feel like something clicked for him. Bc I was like hey, at least you get private bathroom breaks at work (noncombative). And since then he's been a lot more acquiescent when I ask if I can nap and stuff
#he's never rly said no he just used to be like 'well whaf if i want to nap' like in the early parenting days#which evolved into 'yeah i guess'-type responses#lately he's more like 'yeah!' like his tone is less. whatever it was before#same with any requests i make in general like if he'll put e down for bed and stuff#idk my weird episode epiphany thing i went through last week has me feeling much less patient and self-questioning#it's just a fact that constantly asking myself if i'm being considerate enough of others has done nothing for me#like it hasn't even improved my relationships.. i don't really have any lol#like i'm done biting my tongue bc idk if i've properly considered their perspective.. i end up blowing up at minor things as a result anyway#like it makes me a worse partner fr#i also really feel like i've been putting daggers thru my own spirit by doing this for so long#like i need to stop troubleshooting my existence like 'what if i conform this way' 'what if i conform that way'#here's what if: you will be profoundly unhappy and no one who you love will truly know you#this is such a tangent off what i started talking about but basically i'm done reflexively wondering#every time i feel wronged disrespected etc. if actually i'm the one in the wrong. it really is reflexive#the way m's mom responded to me setting a boundary was a wake up call like apparently she just read into what i was saying too much#so hypothetically it wasn't the boundary she was angry about but how she thought i set it#but like i don't have any time for you if my extremely sincere and straightforward communication isn't good enough for you#like i'm not going to be understanding of your inability to take me at face value we didn't both fuck up. You did#and that's how i'm going to act. like You fucked up. yk
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ineffable-gallimaufry · 4 months ago
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"oh the part where ford says that bill is the center of his universe is so obviously romantic" clearly someone hasn't been possessed by a triangle before. that's straight up normal okay trust me
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valeechtine · 2 months ago
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The thing is "forced diversity" only became a real thing after people online got called out for only ever having like white ocs or just Never making women [ESPECIALLY TRANS WOMEN] and now sometimes I see a character lineup and its like Oh I can like actively see the diversity checklist you were crossing off in your head specifically to try and get tumblr woke points because you are being so fucking Weird about this. Like in an effort to be like LOOK LOOK AT HOW DIVERSE MY CAST IS I AM ADVERTISING THIS BY JUST TELLING YOU ABOUT HOW DIVERSE EVERYONE IS YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW GENRE OR THEMES they make it so clear that making characters of color or women or disabled characters etc has to be a Conscious Choice instead of just. Something that comes naturally because that reflects our real world.
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mikuchan · 6 months ago
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sighing and running my hand over young Viconia and her similarities to Shadowheart
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coquelicoq · 3 months ago
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lost power for five hours last night WHILE sick AND it was dark and i was soooo bored 😩 tried to nap to no avail. had my candles going and was doing a crossword by flashlight but there's only so long before that becomes annoying. so i dug out one of my old i spy books i haven't looked at since childhood and spent like 45 minutes finding all the objects. it actually turned out to be the ideal way to experience that book, because the flashlight beam forced me to focus my attention on small parts of the image at a time. went back to twiddling my thumbs after that but at least it killed 45 minutes.
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