#this isn't even a bluff dude

[wendichester]

⋆⭒˚.⋆ agent castiel… sort of,

summary. you brought cas along to help you on a case. good decision? verdict isn't out yet.

pairing. castiel x reader genre. silly

wordcount. 633

notes / warnings. cas being cas™, upside-down badge, reader trying not to lose it, soft mutual affection if you squint

You really, really shouldn't have let Castiel come on this case.

Not because he’s a bad partner—he’s actually weirdly efficient once you point him in the right direction. And he does smite like no one else. But Jesus Christ, the man cannot bluff to save his life.

Or yours.

Or anyone’s, really.

You’re halfway through your third FBI impersonation of the week, interviewing a traumatized nurse in the hallway of a small-town ER, when Cas finally opens his mouth.

And promptly ruins everything.

“I believe the man you treated last night was possessed by a demon,” he says, tone flat. “You should consider burning the bedsheets.”

You don’t even turn your head. Just close your eyes. Breathe.

The nurse blinks. “I—I’m sorry, what?”

Cas looks her dead in the eye, completely unbothered. “His soul was compromised. Demonic presence. The sulfur levels in the room were abnormally high.”

“Agent—uh…” she squints at his badge. “Your ID is upside down.”

You do turn this time.

And sure enough—there’s Cas, standing tall and proud with his fake FBI badge clipped to his trench coat backwards. Photo facing inward. Name tag half-ripped. It looks like he stole it from a cereal box.

You slap your hand over your mouth before the laugh can escape. You don’t even try to fix it anymore. It’s happened three times this week.

“Apologies,” you say quickly to the nurse, her eyes still wide. “My partner's been working long hours. Bit of a burnout case. He thinks he’s on Supernatural.”

Cas leans in and whispers, “Are we not supposed to tell her about the demon?”

“No, Cas,” you whisper back, biting back a grin. “That’s literally the opposite of what we’re supposed to do.”

He blinks at you. “But the truth is helpful. Humans cannot fight what they do not understand.”

You turn to the nurse again. “I’m gonna need you to disregard most of what he just said.”

“I think I need to sit down,” she replies faintly.

You finally drag him out into the parking lot, fingers pinching the bridge of your nose.

Cas follows like a very confused golden retriever. “I don’t understand. Why lie? The demon was there. And the sulfur was detectable.”

“That’s not the point,” you mutter. “We’re trying to blend in, Cas. Not get tossed in a straitjacket.”

He tilts his head. “Why would they arrest someone for telling the truth?”

You stare at him.

And—goddammit—you can’t even be mad. He looks genuinely baffled. Like someone just told him the sky is a lie and sandwiches are a myth.

You sigh. “Okay, okay. Let’s try again. Humans don’t like having their reality shattered. Especially by some dude in a trench coat talking about sulfur and soul rot like it’s normal.”

“But it is normal.”

“To us, sure. But not to civilians. We keep it vague. Unexplained phenomena. Gas leak. Bear attack, if you’re lazy.”

Cas frowns. “You frequently blame bears.”

“You’d be surprised how much that gets you out of,” you say.

He considers that. Then: “Can I still mention the sulfur?”

“Only if you want us detained for a psych eval.”

Cas narrows his eyes at his badge. “And this must be… right side up?”

You nod.

He flips it. Stares at it again.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Cas. That’s what the words are for.”

He looks at you. Then smiles. Just a little.

“I’m not good at this,” he says.

You huff. “Yeah, but you’re learning.”

He holds out the badge.

You take it and clip it properly to his jacket.

He doesn’t move. Just watches your hands. The quiet reverence in his posture makes your chest ache a little.

“There,” you say. “Now you’re just socially awkward instead of fully terrifying.”

Cas blinks. “Is that an improvement?”

You grin. “For you? Huge.”

ꔛ. navigation 𓂃˖ ࣪ all drabbles ; compatibility readings ; support my work .ᐟ

[kalinara]

(All-New X-Men #6)

I've kind of blogged something about this before but I never get tired of seeing posts about Logan/Scott/Jean as a throuple (I will literally die of spite before I use a portmanteau) that talk about them as two godlike, immortal beings and "just some guy".

Because on some level, of course, it's absolutely true. Jean is the living embodiment of a Universal Cosmic Force. She can sneeze and wipe out entire star systems.

And Logan is basically immortal. There are a good number of timelines that go forward hundreds, if not thousands of years (see: Powers of X in the Krakoa era) that still show Logan at the prime of his life, always fighting and surviving.

Scott, is, by that standard, just some guy. He's got lasers coming out of his eyes, which is kind of cool admittedly. You could do some interesting analysis on the fact that they seem to be infinite - the only time we see them give out is when HE gives out. Or doesn't get enough sunlight or whatever. But for practical purposes, they've got one real use, the guy's just a very decorative portable cannon.

But what makes Scott special, and on level with the other two, isn't what he is, but what he does.

This is a dude who's led the X-Men since he was a teenager. And as a teenager once talked an entire fleet of Sentinels into attacking the goddamn sun.

This is a dude who co-led a guerilla war against Apocalypse in the future for 10-12 years (admittedly with his goddess wife), then came back as though nothing happened.

He's also the reason for his own last name, because in ANOTHER time traveling bout with the goddess wife, he managed to inspire his own orphaned ancestor to take the name "Summers" in his and Jean's honor.

This is a dude who got possessed by Apocalypse, and repressed him to the point of amnesia, got a sliver of the Void stuck in his head, and repressed that too. Even Phoenix possession took a while to shake that guy.

This is a dude who became the "Boy King of Utopia", uniting the entirety of the mutant race under one banner. Magneto KNELT to him and named him Caesar.

There's also that time he stared down Dracula. Was it a bluff? Dracula thinks so. But he still backed the fuck down. And for a brief period of time, even Namor followed this guy's lead. NAMOR.

This is a dude who, after becoming possessed and ostracized, led a "mutant revolution", becoming a household name among bitter college students everywhere.

He's the kangaroo trial symbol of the entire mutant race, sentenced to death, and his only response is a call to arms published through his lawyer, She-Hulk.

This is a man who's slept with Jean Grey, the Phoenix (back when they were considered separate entities), the Goblin Queen, Emma Frost, and Frenzy, and every single one came back wanting to fuck him again.

Speaking of Frenzy? That dude's sub game redeemed a fucking acolyte!

"God took less time than that to make the world!". Okay, take a fucking breath, Joanna. (X-Men Legacy #248)

His kids are practically gods in their own right, and he was only involved in the conception of one of them. The others just kind of showed up one day with a DNA test and got invited in for dinner.

The closest thing he has to a hobby is plotting how to kill dinosaurs:

(Uncanny X-Men #495 - and he's fought a LOT of dinosaurs.

Sinister's been obsessed with this man's DNA for years, and yeah, if you're just looking at it in terms of powers, it doesn't make a lot of sense. There are much more powerful mutants out there after all. But when you start thinking about the rest of this, yeah, I kind of want to put him in a petrie dish too.

Heck, he's even argued with the narrator! In another timeline, he could have become an incredibly boring variation of Deadpool!

(Uncanny X-Men #96).

I'm just saying, yes, by one point of view the Moon Throuple is two godlike immortal beings and dude who is "just some guy".

But on the other hand, if you had a chance to fuck the unholy combination of Mr. Rogers, Alexander the Great, and the Death Star wouldn't you?

[moldy-flowers]

Naruto au where Jiriya comes back to Konoha to adopt Naruto like he promised to do but somewhere along the way they get Tsunade back in the village and Tsunade becomes Sasukes caretaker (She adopts him but neither are comfortable calling eachother mother and son yet so they stick with "The Lady in my house who cooks bad" and "the brat who doesn't appreciate good meals when he sees them")

Then at some point when Naruto and Sasuke are genins Jiriya and Tsunade get married and now Naruto and Sasuke have to live together. There's a really emotional scene of Sasuke having to say goodbye to his old home and its like "oh god its really all over they're not coming back I'm not coming back I can't just leave them behind I need to let go but I just can't do it" and Tsunade calls Sasuke her son for the first time and he totally doesn't cry!!!

Forest of death but Sasuke Sakura and Naruto already know who Orochimaru is, Sasuke knows absolutely not to trust him so the curse mark doesn't really affect him too horribly but it does lead for a lot of tension in the group. Also after being the girlboss she was born to be Sakura decides she can't be protected anymore and bc Tsunade is like, right there she asks her if she can be trained and Tsunade says yes obv. Hiruzen dies purely because i hate that guy but Orochimaru also dies to Jiriya and Tsunade also because I really really hate him too.

Theres the time when Kisame and Itachi visit Konoha and Itachi hears Naruto refer to Tsunade as his mom and Sasuke as his brother and hes GOT to know what's going on so he spies on them and learns that Sasukes been adopted but he sees this moment of Tsunade announcing she's pregnant (what a shocker she was 🤏 that close to never having to worry about pregnancy ever again but Jiriya just couldn't keep it in his pants for another 2 years, the manwhore.) And itachi sees Sasuke realising he's gonna be an older brother and being super happy about it saying he's gonna be the best big brother ever (Hades hangs his laundry on the bar its so low all he's gotta do is not kill everyone and he's already better than Itachi) and Itachi is like "ah man but how's he gonna get stronger there's no hatred in there i need him to do my suicide for me!!!" But Jiriya noticed he was there and confronts him a little later but see Jiriyas a little smarty pants and has been living in Konoha for years and always knew there was something fishy with the massacre and danzo so Jiriya just bluffs his way to the truth (Phoenix is that you?) And he's like "look Sasukes ur brother but he's my son now, he has enough nightmares and enough trauma and enough trust issues to last him a lifetime feck off and if you wanna die so bad then kill yourself and don't use your brother as a tool for ur suicide" <- I may be projecting a bit but ANYWAYS Itachi and Kisame have to leave Konoha bc Naruto is under watch by Kakashi, Tsunade and Jiriya and they are NAWT winning that fight.

Skip to shippuden era Sasuke v/ Itachi fight but Itachis been skipping out on his meds!! (He did it because he's a nerd loser guy who thinks "oh man sasuke isn't angry or filled with hatred and overall living a really terrible and unfufilling life he's probably so weak i need to stoop down to his level") Oh no so hes really super sick and Sasuke has picked up a lot from Tsunade so he knows Itachis time is near and although Sasuke really wants Itachi dead he's like "fuck it, dude you absolutely ruined my life and gave me trauma I'm never ever going to recover from sometimes I still wonder if my friends or family are going to turn around and kill me do you know how fucked that is why the hell did you even do that I don't want some bullshit excuse tell me" like he absolutely chews that loser (derogatory) out and Itachi is like, "kk ill tell u everything" and Sasuke is RUINED and he takes like a long 30 minutes of silence between the two just sitting there for Sasuke to go like "Itachi, I don't... think I forgive you. But I understand why you did it. I would have done it too" And its very emotional!! That moment is all Itachi needs bc he was sort of barely clinging onto life as it is and now that he's got peace he can finally die and they share a really sweet moment before he goes :(

And when Sasuke gets home and cries, (this time he can admit it cause he's a big boy now and understands it's okay to feel) to Tsunade he calls her his mother for the first time and its so ahaishahabnabsjsjnd

Anyways they all lived happily ever after the end no wars no nothing all over bye bye

[bluefox4]

"My Yeerk designation is Esplin-Nine-Four-Double-Six. Note the 'double six.' Do you know what it means?" <No.> "A 'double' designation means that I am a twin. That two Yeerks grew from the same grub. When there are twins, one is considered the prime, and one the lesser. I am the lesser. My brother, my twin, is the prime. To him go the best assignments, the best hosts, the rank, the power, the glory. And to me, only what I can take." He made a fist on the word "take." "In some cases, brothers can share. In some cases, twins can even become allies. But not with my brother. My brother is power mad. Or maybe just mad now. He left me nothing. He assigned me to a poor, unimportant human host. This Joe Bob Fenestre, a lowly programmer working in the bowels of a telephone company. "Well, that wasn't good enough. I wanted more. And if I couldn't have it as a Yeerk, I'd have it as a human. I ended up making an alliance with my host. We were two of a kind. Two losers in the shadow of our betters. I used Yeerk technical knowledge to make Fenestre rich. And in the process, I created Web Access America, which made me the greatest source of information on humans there was. I knew secrets my brother could only guess at." <You sift E-mail. You spy on chat rooms.> "You know human computer terminology," he said. I swallowed hard. I'd been careless. I had sounded "human." Bluff it out. <We Andalites are a small, hunted band on this planet. Knowledge is survival.> He seemed satisfied with that. "I became an invaluable asst to the invasion. All by myself I had become a powerful human with vast information. But of course, my brother couldn't tolerate that. He had me declared a traitor. He cut me off from the Kandrona. He would have killed me. For the crime of being as great as he, he'd have murdered me." Joe Bob Fenestre's eyes bored into me. And I felt a chill of premonition. See, right then I knew who this twin brother was. Who he had to be. <Oh, my God,> Cassie whispered. She'd guessed, too. "Yes, only one twin can be great," Fenestre said bitterly. "Only one of us could be the mighty Visser Three." p. 127-129

Well, Visser Three has a twin. I knew that existed.

There is a lot to take in with that with all that information.

Ok, so Yeerks don't have names they have designations. That seems like a great way to depersonalize other Yeerks. Are names rotated through as Yeerks die? Like will Esplin 946 be assigned to some other Yeerk when both brothers die? Is that a thing? Is his proper designation Esplin Nine-Four-Double-Six the Lesser? Esplin Nine-Four-Double-Six-Lesser?

Someone has to be the superior twin among Yeerks. They can't be equals. Or this could be a case that these two can't be equals. He did say that some twins can be 'allies' so not everyone has their messed up relationship. How much is Yeerk culture vs how much is it Visser Three and his twin just hate each other?

He says Joe Bob worked with him, but we really can't confirm that. Sure, Joe Bob Fenestre is now rich. But he isn't the one that gets to use his money, now is he? Maybe they had made a deal but Joe Bob didn't understand just how one-sided it would be. Also, how much of a deal can you really make when someone else is already controlling your body?

People with that much wealth don't get there through their own means. Joe Bob Fenestre is rich because a Yeerk shared alien technology with/through him to beat other people to making a resource. He cheated. He had resources that other humans didn't have access to.

But dude. How are you alive without Kandrona? We have had that repeatedly shoved into our heads as reader: Yeerks need to feed every three days or they die. So, how have you been getting past that?

[hoseokslefteyebrow]

The Anomaly || JJK

Chapter 20: Infiltrating

summary : In which you're isekai'd from your (own) parallel Jujutsu Kaisen universe to the canon universe.

wordcount: 2.3k

Pairing: Jujutsu Kaisen X Reader, your Sukuna X Reader, Megumi X reader

Masterlist | Next

Manga spoilers: chapters 153/154

" Hakari is now in an abandoned multi-level parking lot in Tochigi prefecture. He's making money by becoming a bookmaker for gambling matches."

Yuuji blinks at the information Tengen just gave your group.

" Gambling matches?"

" Fights between Jujutsu sorcerers."

Megumi raises a brow.

" The spectators are..?"

" Non sorcerers. "

" Doesn't that mess with Jujutsu Society article 8? To keep confidential?"

You blink in confusion as you ask the question.

" Among the participants must be some curse users. Please be careful."

-

" Why'd we need to change clothes?"

Yuuji is the only one to voice the question you, him and Sukuna have as you all shrug your uniform jacket off.

" Hakari was suspended because he disputed with the higher ups. He's also violating the Jujutsu Tech rules. If he knows we're from Jujutsu Tech, he might run away."

Megumi explains, tugging off his own jacket to reveal a neat white button up.

" We're here in the name of Jujutsu Tech?"

Sukuna puts his hands in his hoodie's pockets. (You covered up his marks with make up, making him appear like an exact copy of Yuuji.)

" It counts as a grey area for us. But as far as he's concerned, we're foes."

Damn. Hakari certainly sounds like a pain in the ass.

" Is he even going to be willing to cooperate?"

You raise a brow as you ask the question for obvious reasons.

Megumi glances at you, shrugging.

" The only thing I'm sure about is that he's definitely not a good person. A bunch of seniors told me he's an absolute jerk, but Okkotsu mentioned that Hakari is stronger than him, so we'll definitely need him."

The four of you walk into the building, only to meet 2 tough looking dudes.

" Get lost brats. This isn't some place to hang out. Imma count to three and when I'm done you all beter be out of my sight or I'll beat the crap out of you."

The tougher one has gotten up, approaching your group. You shift uncomfortably. He doesn't have cursed energy. You'd rather not fight him.

Yuuji blinks nervously too, while Sukuna remains unbothered.

" We need some cash, let us participate in the gambling matches."

The guy who approached barely blinks before he aims a quick punch at Megumi's face at his words. Your eyes widen, but Megumi doesn't flinch.

" The first rule of Gambling Club. 'Don't talk about Gambling club.' Tell me who told you. I'll beat you up afterwards."

" I don't know the guy's face.-"

" Yeah, cuz' I killed him!"

Why was tough guy lying?

"- About a month ago, there was a crappy fighter guy who only acted tough, right?"

Tough guy and his shorter acquaintance behind him exchange glances.

Holy shit, Megumi is good at this.

" I'll fight in his place. Or shall I just beat you up in front of your boss?"

Tough guys brows furrow.

" I'm not sure if that's fine-"

" -boss gave permission."

Tough guy blinks at his acquaintance.

Well that was quick.

" We're going to put this guy in the seeded position. However-"

The short acquaintance glances between all of you, before eventually stopping at Yuuji and Sukuna.

" -They'll fight."

Megumi glances coolly at Yuuji before focusing his gaze on the acquaintance again.

" No way, I'll be the one to fight."

" Boss doesn't like you. If you don't agree, the deal is off."

Megumi glances up at the camera beside your group.

" Fine."

" It's all good then."

Soon enough, you're allowed through.

" Megumi, isn't this dangerous? We're pushing the bluff a bit far."

Yuuji appears to be the only one to be concerned about this. Sukuna glances at him like he said something disgusting, and even you blink at his innocence.

" Not really. The only trouble we'd face is if there are curse users. We'd need to rearrange the plans for that.-"

You blink.

There's a plan?

"-Besides, there's a big chance Hakari is up there, considering they have been watching us through the camera's. Itadoris, you two participate in the match and investigate what's going on from the inside. There's a 50/50 chance of getting in, but Y/N and me will try to infiltrate through the parking lot. I believe they are suspicious of me, so keeping Y/N with me should make me less suspicious. We came here to ask Hakari for help. To be honest,  I don't think it's all that wise to make a move tonight, but I don't want to waste time before Tsumiki's deadline."

You nod at Megumi's plan. Sukuna doesn't entirely look pleased about the situation, but he nods anyway. Yuuji glances at his phone.

" It's 9 pm on the tenth."

You hum.

" We've got 9 days."

" Damn, those cursed spirits certainly took a lot of extra time."

You nod at Sukuna's words. You guys did waste a lot of time on fighting cursed spirits (and finding the right way.)

" So tonight, Sukuna and I need to penetrate the club to meet Hakari. If there's even a hint of trouble, we'll back off."

Sukuna rolls his eyes at Yuuji's words.

Damn, he's boring. Trouble is where the fun starts.

At least his twin back in his universe knows that.

Meanwhile Megumi nods.

-

" There's two rules. ' Don't try to run away' and 'Don't use any Jujutsu techniques'."

Yuuji blinks.

" Why? I don't care if my opponent uses any techniques against me."

Sukuna blinks lazily, leaning back in the worn seat of the couch.

" Because the spectators are almost entirely nonsorcerers. They won't be interested in a battle they can't see. "

Yuuji nods at tough guy's explanation of the rules.

" What about 'no running away?'"

" It means you gotta fight where the customers can see you."

Sukuna raises a brow.

" Customers? You mean the people watching?"

" Of course. This is business."

Tough guy turns around, and both boys follow.

" What kind of person is the boss?" 

Sukuna blinks at Yuuji.

So much for being discreet.

" You'll know when you meet him."

" Can we meet him?"

" Maybe. If he'll find either of you interesting he'll call you."

Sukuna smirks.

 " So all we gotta do is put on a show of violence?"

-

" Oh there you are."

You turn around, surprised to find none other than-

" Panda?"

" Hi Y/N, Fushiguro." 

You blink, confused. 

When did he get here?

" I participated in the fights as well. Yuuji's twin from your world is terrifyingly strong, Y/N. I dare even say that Woozi could take Sukuna in hand to hand combat."

You smile at Panda.

" That's probably because he is Sukuna, he took Woozi as a cover name."

Panda's eyes widen, and he's about to reply, when Megumi cuts in.

" Enough. Sukuna and Yuuji can get close to Hakari now, correct? Why have you been unable to meet him?"

" Well, I do know where he is. He's in the monitoring room on the roof. But I can't get close to him."

You raise a brow.

" Can't get close?"

" Whenever I get to the roof and approach the door, the distance between me and the door doesn't change. No matter if I walk or run, it just doesn't work. It feels similar to Satoru's cursed technique.- It's probably due to Kirara's technique.-"

You blink.

" -The other third year student?"

Megumi furrows his brow for a moment, thinking.

" Does that only occur when Kirara is in the room?"

" I don't know. Hakari and Kirara are always together. If I pursue him too much, he may try to run away from me. Which is why I devoted myself to pulling the crowd. I'm glad you guys came to help."

You smile while Megumi nods at him.

" Do you think Yuuji can persuade Hakari?"

" It'll be hard. It depends on Hakari's willingness to jow. Not neccessarily Itadori's persuasion skills. I believe Yuuji's cheerfulness and smooth talk personality matches Hakari's rather well. But he's a bad liar, right?"

" Not neccessarily. The idea to lie just doesn't occur to him. We've given him some instructions. The worst scenario is would be if they find out that he's a Jujutsu Tech member, and if he's thrown out of the room without the opportunity to talk. Or if Hakari's underlings choose to intervene."

You raise a brow.

" Don't forget that Sukuna is there too."

Megumi raises a brow at you in return.

" Is he good at persuading people?"

You blink.

" Uhm... well... Not really. But he'll have Yuuji's back. The only thing he's truly good at is beating up people." 

Megumi sighs, nodding.

" Let's just hope it doesn't get to that."

" I think I should infiltrate through the parking lot and move up to the roof to guard the door. That way they'll have time to talk once Itadori and Sukuna get in the room." 

You raise a brow.

" There's a lot of guards on the way there though...?" 

Was he planning to kill them?

Panda smiles, shaking his head.

" Don't worry. I won't kill them. I'll just knock them out."

Megumi furrows his brows.

" There's security cameras though. There's no way you'll pass by unnoticed while they negotiate."

Panda shakes his head again.

" I know all the blind spots. Either way, it's not a big deal if they'll see me anyway. Besides, Hakari and Kirara are the only decent sorcerers. The guards aren't much of a deal."

Megumi raises his hand to his chin, thinking it over for a mullet.

" It could work.."

" Our biggest concern is Kirara's technique, it can't be helped. If Kirara can use warping or something alike to move Itadori out or put their comrades inside-"

" Let's give up on trying to persuade Hakari."

Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise at Megumi's words.

" Huh?"

-

" Hey, look there."

Both knucklehead guards turn to face the cute Panda who has mysteriously appeared in the hallway, puzzled.

" You think that thing will eat my fish sausage?" 

" That thing participated in the tournament, you know?" 

Panda drops his pose, smiling.

"  Yeah, but she didn't." 

At once, a steady stream of water hits both men cross their abdomen, sending them flying into a wall, immediately knocking them out. You smile as you manipulate the water back in your water skin, screwing the lid shut.

"  Nice. You really are stronger then you look.- I'll have that sausage though." 

You cringe as Panda takes the sausage, which had previously fallen on the ground.

Moments later, the two of you burst through the door leading up to the roof, where Megumi was already waiting for you.

"  Panda, is this really all right? If Hakari gets mad at us for this later.." 

Panda hums, smiling.

" It's fine, it's fine. Let's hurry up and block the way to the room."

Suddenly, Megumi's eyes connect with someone else's, as does Panda's.

"  Panda?" 

You glance at the stranger as well. Shit, she definitely knows who he is. And evidently, it doesn't take long for her to connect the dots about you and Megumi's identity.

Kirara.

She moves to fish something out of her pocket, but-

"  Devine dog!" 

Megumi's shadow shikigami is quick, but the oddest thing happens. With a touch to devine dog's snout, it suddenly hurls towards Megumi, as if she punched it as hard as she could.

Suddenly, you notice a spark above Megumi's head. And he's not the only one. Panda and Devine dog have a spark too. Did she mark them?

You don't get a lot of time to think. Soon enough, she's turning around, intending to sprint to the room on the roof where Hakari, Yuuji and Sukuna already are.

"  Wait, Kirara! We're not your enemies! We have a request to make to Hakari!" 

Soon enough, everyone is moving at once. Panda is a few paces behind her, and Devine dog is already moving to stand between the door and her.

"  No way am I going to believe you! I'm disappointed in you, Panda." 

She scoffs, suddenly standing still as Devine dog is now stood between the door and her. At once, Megumi is pulled towards Devine dog, like some kind of magnet.

Odd. Kirara is stuck in her spot, seemingly, as is Panda, and Megumi can't move away from Devine dog.

What kind of cursed technique is this?

" If you could get a monthly income of one million yen by working one hour a day, would you believe me?" 

Sukuna glares at Hakari Kinji, who seems much too comfortable, seated on a couch, arms spread wide.

He looks like a drug dealer. Sukuna notes to himself.

"  Hm...?" 

Yuuji sweats, a little nervous about the situation.

" I'd say you're full of shit." 

[ A/N: Updates are slower than expected bc holy shit it's hard to follow this part of the manga.]

Taglist:

@luxylucylou @kalulakunundrum @strxbxrrylover @aethersslave @jenniferrvsesi @hanatsuki-hime @betizda @sh0uk1 @nymphsdomain @suppeepsandweebs @sweetchimpeaches

[deconstructivesurgery]

I saw someone online recently discuss the reality of Wesker not killing Chris or Jill permanently in any of the RE games because

A) as per usual, long-running series hate to kill their darlings, even when it would occasionally be a believable or satisfying death (plot armor, because people would get mad and mald if their faves were killed by the Villain(tm) they're supposed to shoot dead)

and

B) "well REALISTICALLY it would be SO easy for wesker to kill them because of how strong/fast/etc. he is so point A is the only believable and acceptable answer because obviously they couldn't have killed Chris or Jill off"

and like no dude I get it totally you are right. I can't even argue that you're incorrect you 100% are. I could rightfully argue that realism doesn't matter when it's far more enjoyable to NOT have Chris or Jill dead, especially when their deaths would serve no real compelling narrative purpose except (:() HOWEVER

If you're willing to hear me out, there's an explanation for Wesker never entirely killing either of them for reasons that turn plot armor into something as simple as believable characterization.

Nostalgia. Literally. Just. Nostalgia.

He avoids killing them outright because once upon a time, these people meant something to him. He saw WORTH in them, valued them, possibly even to the extent of finding it difficult to try and sacrifice them initially (something I am going to go ON about in another long ass post soon enough). TLDR: He was attached.

Long ass post underneath if you want to hear me blather on about why I think this :)

After his initial failed attempt to have them all killed because Umbrella commanded it, I'm not surprised he simply settled for toying with them for the most part. He doesn't need to, and more importantly- doesn't want to. He can never have their allyship back, but he can still see them in action. He can best them, sure- but why would he kill them when he still savors those interactions, when they clash? Why would he destroy the last pieces of a past he's attached to to the point of bringing it up constantly up until his death?

I've always found it funny how many lines Wesker actually has referencing the past. You were my best man, your 'partner' (said snidely in reference to an era where they were in the same squad) is in danger, I should've killed you years ago, etc.

And just the line. The fucking line. From the Umbrella chronicles. I'm not even going to retype it I'm just putting it here.

I understand, by the way, that he's being sarcastic, but I do genuinely believe there's a grain of truth in this. I think he does in fact want to see them survive.

Side note: What with his appraisal of their skills and his direct use of Jill's own blood later to temper Uroboros to make it less fatal, I love to make the mental stretch here that somewhere in his little ape brain he was hoping if infected with uroboros both would be "quality" enough to become like him. I think his ideal future still has them kicking around in it, viable hosts for uroboros mutation so they could join him in his new Minecraft server for cool people.

ANYWAYS tangent aside back to the nostalgia argument, on an individual basis this time. We're starting with Jill, because even though Wesker isn't an obsessive freak over her like he is with Chris, I still firmly believe he's attached to her as well.

Why else would he do what he did to her, after her presumed death via falling-off-a-cliff? Sure, you could argue it was simply a calculated decision based on the fact that he knew her blood would be useful, but I like to think of it a bit differently.

You crash into the rocky water below a tall, tall bluff, battered beyond belief- but quickly repairing yourself- and the body of another (probably also fucked up by that impact, and not capable of immediately fixing that) next to you. I don't think even Wesker would be doing mental math in his head at that very moment, considering the precise reasons why Valentine might be valuable to him down the line. I think he just automatically assumes he needs to take her with him because it's her. She gets dragged out of the water and slapped into medical care as quickly as he can manage it simply because she's an important part of that past he refuses to move on from. A part of the team. Then, she's a useful source of antibodies to help with the transformation of uroboros- but she's also a brainwashed bodyguard, something of a sidekick. Why? He could hire someone. He could use anyone. If she was useful for samples alone, he could've kept her in a cell for years to intermittently steal a few ounces of blood. But of course he wouldn't, and he wouldn't kill her or dispose of her otherwise, either- because Jill Valentine was skilled and strong and a dedicated team member, and maybe- just maybe- it's nothing short of satisfying to have her fighting at his side again, even if it's a facsimile of their old team dynamic. Plus, you know: bonus points that it'd horrify Chris to see his best friend and beloved work partner of many years through thick and thin working for him, when they inevitably clash again.

And then, of course, there's Chris. He beats him senseless only to piss off over very mild retaliations, promising to meet him again. You've probably heard a lot about that before. I could go on about that. But what I'd rather go on about instead is the one time he clearly determines that killing Chris for good is necessary, and that's in RE5.

...And look at how he talks during that. He brings up the "should've killed you years ago" thing- and fails to explain why he didn't. It wasn't due to any failure on his part, truly. He's beat Chris in combat several times, he's had the chance before and refused to take it. He asks Chris why he can't *understand his plans*, as if somehow expecting that there'd be a chance that he WOULD understand- and then what? He wouldn't need to kill him? Could get him to be a part of this new world he has planned, even?

Going over the times he could've killed Chris and didn't is fun, but I don't think anything illustrates my point of unwilling attachment and nostalgia for the past more than his gambit of literally asking "why can't you understand this" to the man he's actively attempting to bludgeon upside the head with virus tentacles, because he'd much prefer it if he didn't feel compelled to do that.

...so yes. At the end of the day, it's plot armor that prevented Chris from getting snapped like a stick during one of their brawls, or from Jill being dead after her cliff stunt, probably. But it's always going to be more fun- to me at least- to see it as the product of Albert Wesker genuinely not knowing how to let go of those "lovely stars members" (a line I think about way more than I should).

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 68 Something Posting

A fight, a yap, and a wavering heart. Let's get on with it, dear void.

Rough TL of editor's notes:

First page: 毘灼-昼彦現る!! [Hishaku - Hiruhiko arawaru!!] Hiruhiko of the Hishaku appears!! Last page: 少女は決断する... [shoujo ha ketsudan suru...] The girl decides...

I've been doing full TLs of the Japanese chapters lately so there's going to be more yap from me about some differences between the EN and JP versions from now on- the ones I'm confident in, at least. Practicing for hours every day is starting to pay off.

So, About Hiruhiko...

First off, a TL note because I don't think this will be carried over in English. I'll be very impressed if it is, honestly (spoiler: it wasn't).

Such an easy to hate face.

What Hiruhiko says here in the last panel in Japanese: "Thank you for being born..." "...Samura's daughter (weakness)."

The last bubble says 座村の弱点 [samura no jakuten] "Samura's weakness." But the Ruby over jakuten reads "むすめ [musume]", or "daughter". It's a little trick specific to Japanese that's hard to translate into English, but essentially, Hiruhiko is saying "Samura's daughter" (that's what Iori and Chihiro would hear), while the kanji for "weakness" is there for the audience's benefit so we know what he really means. Not great for Iori either way though. She's truly just a pawn to Hiruhiko and the Hishaku as a whole.

OK. With that out of the way... I'm gonna be honest. It's hard for me to be objective about a character I dislike so much even under ideal conditions. And what we got this chapter was cool but it was also, uh...

Clown doing clown things and getting treated seriously.

Yeah. What the hell?

So, it's not completely unheard of for an amateur to win a duel against an experienced fighter just because they're unpredictable and a little lucky. Shit happens, you know? Sengoku (hotel manager dude) dying to Hiruhiko was kind of lame, but I was willing to let it slide. Until Hokazono-sensei did the thing you're not supposed to do with offscreen fights- he explained how Hiruhiko won in such a lame way that I'm now completely fed up with this character, the whole Escort Iori subplot, and want this sidequest to end ASAP so we can move on with the larger story.

Swapping the hand the sword is held in behind his back then doing a quick running slash isn't really an unbeatable display of swordsmanship in my opinion. It's more like a carnival or sword dancer trick; something for the aesthetic wow rather than actually being effective in combat. It's not convincing. And Chihiro being able to detect the trick while a master of a sword style couldn't doesn't hold water with me. I think this is genuinely the first time I was disappointed by getting context in Kagurabachi! That's alright though, no manga's perfect and it doesn't take away from the awesome perspective shots this chapter.

There's something I do like despite being thoroughly fed up with Hiruhiko and his bullshit:

An "aura farming" moment, as the dudebros would say. I agree.

Chihiro still isn't there with his swordsmanship, but this situation should look familiar:

Early art style jumpscare.

Chihiro learned from Sojo and forced Hiruhiko to call his bluff or risk both of them being decapitated. The momentum from Hiruhiko's swing probably would have meant Chihiro got hit and died too- but he counted on Hiruhiko backing off and won the bet. I love seeing this kind of shit man. Chihiro! You're always so cool! Always happy to see a protagonist that learns more than moral lessons from their enemies.

Also just for funny...

[Nathan Explosion voice] Brutal

This is the third time Chihiro's gotten blood in his eyes. He better be careful or he's gonna get hepatitis or some other nasty illness soon.

Iori and the Masumi

I wanna hug the Masumi so bad. We don't know anything about how they were raised but they're so clearly parallels to Hakuri with being raised as tools to value the mission over their lives. Please, please, please let nothing horrible happen to them. Toto's still hanging around and Kuguri's whereabouts are unknown so... please. Chihiro needs them so badly- they're the only people so far who have been able to force him to chill at all.

"Putting a timer on this fight for everyone's sake"- the editor, possibly (but not likely).

Did we need a key to add more tension? Well, we got it anyway. Cultural context: Given the appearance shown in this chapter, the lantern almost certainly an 石灯籠 [ishidourou]- the type of guardian lantern usually made out of stone and commonly found in Shintoist temples or as traditional garden decorations. They don't have any particular religious significance nowadays but they look nice when lights are placed inside for special occasions.

After the last "timer" (recovering Hakuri's sorcery) was thrown out the window, I'm not going to have any expectations on how this plays out. Instead I choose to hope that this delivery subquest being added means we'll hit the climax for this escort mission next chapter or the week after that. Between Chihiro reminding us of the countdown timer for Samura to move, the need for the key, and Kuguri's whereabouts being unknown, I think we'll get a cliffhanger on the issue of Iori's memories and/or Chihiro's fight with Hiruhiko next chapter then the resolutions the week after. Please. Normally I'm content to let authors cook but I'm genuinely getting more than a little frustrated with how all this is playing out.

"The only one" bearing the pain of a burden, hmm...

Iori's wavering and Chihiro's words about it being better to live with the truth seem to be eating at her. Everyone wants her to feels safe as an ordinary girl, but she's clearly not so sure about her decision to go back to normal life. She's keeping those memories now or I'm busting out the clown suit with the wig and everything.

I wonder if Iori will also parallel Chihiro's desire to go it alone. She has every right to confront Samura for leaving her behind, and I can see her wanting to bear the pain of their experience together as father and daughter. I'm looking forward to her development and where she goes- my heart will shatter if she becomes what Chihiro wanted to be with Kunishige. Parent and child, facing the guilt and life's challenges together. Willfully inheriting the legacy that Samura tried to spare her from.

Of course, Samura probably will refuse to let her, but shouldn't she have the choice? Iori's old enough now to understand what happened and decide for herself. Samura doesn't have to do this alone if his daughter wants to bear his sins with him. He doesn't have to do it at all if she's willing to help him find another way or absolve him! But he's so mired in guilt that he might be beyond all saving...

Ignorant bliss seems to be a kindness from Samura's point of view.

Iori knows what happened when she was a child, but she doesn't know the real reason why. And I feel like Samura won't tell her because he wants to spare her that much- he wants his little girl to live free from his burden. So she'll have to find out with Chihiro from Shiba or another adult who witnessed The Incident. Man, I hope we get back to this main plot thread soon. There's so much to uncover that the fight with Hiruhiko feels like a sideshow (as cool as the action shots are).

New vs. Old

If only he'd been correct about Hiruhiko's fighting "style" being dogshit.

What a nice master. Too bad his 150 year old technique was no match for a dumb pink frog holding a sword for the first time.

I was chatting with an acquaintance and he brought up an excellent point about our favourite Genius trio- each one of them has a different approach to legacy and tradition based on what they experienced.

"Legacy" and how it affects the younger generations is the core idea of Kagurabachi. Chihiro's dealing with his father's and his key foils each have had some exploration into the theme themselves.

Chihiro: raised with love and care -> respects tradition -> using the White Purity style to defend his dad's legacy and forge a new path for himself

Hakuri: abused and neglected -> hates tradition -> used the holy grail of his family's ethos (storehouse + isou) to destroy their legacy and forge a new path for them all

Hiruhiko: ??? -> doesn't care about tradition -> completely disregards it for the Hishaku's ambition and forges his own path

The only missing piece right now is Hiruhiko's full backstory- what did he experience (besides John spoiling him) that led him to care not a whit for tradition and ignore it completely? He's in the middle of Chihiro and Hakuri's approaches in how and why they fight. Chihiro is building off of tradition to do something new, Hakuri completely demolished his family's, and Hiruhiko... exists.

All three of them are going to be figuring out how to maximise their own strengths by themselves for the most part, but how closely they cleave to tradition while doing it says a lot about their characters and what they experienced. I'm not exactly dying to know Hiruhiko's backstory but if we're gonna have to get it at some point, may as well complete this little trio of contrasts.

Iori can absolutely be added to this comparison list too even if she's not a genius, we just have to see where she goes from here. I love all these deliberately constructed contrasts!

Small Complaint

Missing: my wife, Azami. Last seen: two months ago. Reward offered for information that leads to location.

...Alright. I know I'm getting frustrated in large part because I hate Hiruhiko. The faster he gets offscreen again, the happier I'll be.

I'm also champing at the bit to get to the Kamunabi's nonsense. Azami, Shiba, all those council people whose names we still don't have- what are they up to? Where the hell have Hiyuki and Tafuku been? And we seriously can't even get a single half-page checking in on Hakuri or the folks at Kamunabi HQ before going back to Chihiro? Come on, man...

So I guess the faster we're done with Samurabachi, the better. I don't want it to rush but I hope we don't go on any more sidequests to rescue surprise MacGuffins. It's a bit uncharitable to say that, I know, but those are my honest feelings. I like most of the characters we're dealing with right now but I'm tired of wondering when we'll get to the million other things that have been set up and teased since the first arc. The new guys seem preoccupied with just the immediate development stuff so where are the other folks at?! I need lingering questions answered or I'm going to get too frustrated to continue each week before long...

A lot of it is I need a break too. The action is cool and it's been hype but there's seriously not enough time spent giving catharsis. The point about Chihiro pushing himself too hard is getting me exhausted as a reader, too. I get it. He's tired and going to break sooner or later. But when? How many more times are we gonna be bonked over the head with how bad his condition is before the watershed moment?

We've been edged about so many things that keep piling up and I'm truly numb at this point. I'm waiting for this fight to finish and praying that we get a full yap chapter for information I'm in that bad of a state. No teasing, just some fucking answers that don't raise a million more questions. Even learning what Azami's sorcery is would be a relief at this point.

Okay. More fight next week, and maybe some hope of moving on. Give yourself a treat today, dear void, and I'll see you next time.

[thewertsearch]

GG: you said you are asking me permission first and i appreciate that GG: but if you are asking im afraid my answer is no! AT: oKAY, i RESPECT THAT, AT: bUT, i WONDER, GG: what? AT: i WONDER IF A TRULY SELF CONFIDENT GUY, wITH THE BEST SELF ESTEEM THERE IS, wOULD EVEN NEED TO ASK, AT: mAYBE THE BEST GUY WOULD JUST KNOW HE WOULD BE SUCCESSFUL, aND WOULD DO IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, aND EVERYONE ELSE'S,

I don't think Tavros is just emulating Vriska here. This is a very Alternian mindset, and it's one we've seen before.

Alternia is, after all, an empire. It's a society whose idea of success is inexorably tied to violence and domination - so if you're trying to be a better troll, you'll probably gravitate to both, even if you don't realize it.

It's not really about your personality, either. Karkat is, by all accounts, one of the more moral trolls in the party - but as we've seen above, even he's got those imperial instincts. This sort of thing is insidious, and once it worms its way into your brain, it can be hard to shake.

Tavros is a very straightforward example. He's finally gained some 'confidence' - and what's his first impulse?

To seize a useful resource from an alien, and use it against her will.

GG: that would be smug and arrogant and would make you a bully!!! [...] AT: yOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT ALL THAT, i'LL RESPECT YOUR WISHES, AT: oR, AT: wILL i? };) GG: nooooooooo dont dont dont dont dont GG: im serious GG: uuuuggghh i think my headache is coming back AT: i WAS jUST, AT: mAKING A JOKE, AT: sORRY, }:(

This dude cannot read a room. Truly, the anti-Terezi.

Oh, leave off.

AG: Next time you decide to open your heart to an alien girl…….. AG: Make sure her chat client isn't 8eing holographically projected for all to see, ok?

This exploit should apply to chat clients of any size, provided the screen is visible. Maybe John's Pesterchum Glasses were a better investment than I thought.

AG: Jade let you down too easy. She's too nice! Someone's got to tear into you for that appalling display, and once again, guess who's shoulders that falls on? AG: That's right. Vriska's, as usual.

Tavros probably does need someone to explain what he did wrong, but it should be anyone but Vriska. This is obviously just going to be more bullying, and no actual advice.

AT: i THINK SHE HAS THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF NICENESS, pERSONALLY, AT: aN AMOUNT THAT IS SOME, iNSTEAD OF, AT: nONE,

Showing backbone against Vriska, eh? Finally, a constructive use for all that confidence.

Progress is progress, even when it's just a minor clapback.

AG: Hey, I'm nice when it matters, [...]

Nope, I'm calling Vriska's bluff. What nice things has she done so far, exactly?

Sure, she made Tavros the rocket chair, but only after mercilessly tormenting him for his physical condition, which she caused.

Plus, this wasn't even a real apology gift. She kept bullying him after that, and is literally doing so as we speak.

I guess she also made Aradia's soulbot, as an 'apology' for murdering her with her own boyfriend. To be precise, she had Equius make it, with horrific results that she should probably have seen coming.

She also thought that it would be 'nice' to tell Terezi that her blindness 'wasn't that bad'. This conversation was kind of complicated, though, and I'm not sure what her actual intention was.

Anyway, it's pretty clear that Vriska doesn't really grok what 'nice' means. She gives Tavros a rocket chair, continues to torment him, and doesn't understand the contradiction, because she doesn't think his feelings actually matter.

[...] and where it doesn't strangul8te the critical development of people I give a shit a8out, ok?

"After all, no one was ever nice to ME, and look how gr8 I turned out! When you think about it, it's actually a GOOD thing that no one ever showed me kindness! It made me strong! Don't you want to 8e stroooooooong, Pupa? ::::D"

I'm reminded of this exchange from Hivebent. Kanaya recommends that Vriska practice some basic self-care, and Vriska completely flies off the handle, furious at the mere suggestion that she should be kind to herself.

Vriska thinks kindness will harm her. She refuses to accept it, and avoids showing it to anyone, which makes her remarkably consistent in her cruelty. I'm willing to bet that there's nothing she's said to Tavros that she hasn't already said to herself.

[phightingheadcanons]

Phuck it! It's Halloween! (The  Phighters favorite Halloween movies!)

Sword/Rocket:

Absolutely.Scared to watch any horror movie but can do a psychological...( Totally not projecting...) But I feel like they would he one of those guys that loves Comical horror movies! ( like Shaun of the Dead, Scary Movie, and little shop of Horrors 1986)

Skateboard/Slingshot: Would be the type of dudes to have a list of horror movies to watch for Halloween! They would both watch like the Classics... (Halloween, Friday the 13, Scream,  Nightmare on Elm Street.)

Biograft/ Subspace: Subspace is the type of guy to watch Saw... and then tell Biograft to "take notes". (He would love like Gory movies... he laughs through them)

Katana: Can't really do horror movies anymore...but Would be down to watch like to watch on that isn't... "scary" do to it being " Corrupt"...(But would watch like the birds or any Alfred Hitchcock movies)

Ban Hammer: Definitely gets way to Over confident.Watching any horror movie but He can probably take it down... Throw any horror movie and will enjoy it...

Hyperlaser: Love's horror movies, but you would typically see him watching Gremlins for the third time in a row.... It's not Even funny...

Shuriken/Vine Staff: People love watching The nightmare before christmas and Coraline...at first Shuriken hated the idea, but then fell in love with both movies! ( Bonus! Vine Staff, would be a die hard for Corpse bride!)

Scythe: Hates it! Bluffs her way out of it too. Anything that has to do with ghosts instantly gone... She doesn't care she can't deal with it. Sure. She can do with it in real life. But anything with a ghost, she's gone.... Most likely Texans Chainsaw massacre.... But even if that she bluffs her way out of it...

Medkit: You already saw this coming watch is old horror movies.... (Like Silence of the lambs, The Shining, Rosemary's baby, and so much more) Trys to show the others these movies, but they are way to long for them, or just too "boring" for the others. He doesn't really get a chance to watch any of these but their classics to him...

Boombox/Coil: Love's Jaws... Even if it's a more of a summer movie... but Would be mostly watching the more " Modern" horror movies... and good for them!

Let me know if you want more! But to be fair I don't know that many horror movies....- Shark🦈

.

[euniexenoblade]

breaking bad season 4 episode 4 thoughts

how the fuck did mike not get shot at least once those bullets were ripping through the truck and all the stuff on it nothing could have perfectly shielded him through all that *realizes like 20-30 min later Miles ear got shot* oh never fucking mind (still don't think this changes my whining)

i dont think skyler's story telling stuff for lying to marie and hank makes lot of sense, like it sounds too act-y, personally i think it sounds faker than theyd want. but hey i guess hank and marie bought it so wtf do i know

walllllllt leave jesse alone cant you tell he's trauma'd

Do like how Jesse calls Mike's bluff on killing that guy. "If you were gonna kill him you wouldn't go through the trouble of blindfolding him" like yeahhh fair

Ya knowww yeah Walt's a piece of shit to Jesse but he also clearly cares about Jesse so much....he's the abusive father Jesse already had...

Episode 5

Walt what are you freaking out about calm the fuck down they're not just going to randomly kill Jesse don't piss off gus for no reason

"would you like to try breakfast chicken chalupa meal" yes I would love to try this shit up Walt I'm getting my chicken on SHUT UP WALT

Wallllt you're being paranoid

WALT why are you doing this LEAVE you're so stupid

Yeah Jesse I'm just as confused as you, no idea what's happening

The famous "you are not the guy" scene lmao

They don't even have music playing my ADHD brain would die

WALTER WHITE ISN'T FORKLIFT CERTIFIED HAHAHA bitch i am

mike made jesse earn that fuckin cigarette

walts gonna go crazy cuz hank thinks gale was heisenberg....DUDE YOURE AN IDIOT YOUR EGO IS TOO INFLATED WALT YOURE AN IDIOT

"since when do vegans eat fried chicken" WALT YOU FUCKED UP

[yallemagne]

Just had an epiphany: I don't think any adaptation or modern reimagining of Dracula could ever do the novel justice. That's not anything new, but here is a reason that isn't just griping about the same three points everyone on here repeats verbatim: you just cannot recapture the epistolary nature of it.

Let's get like movies and shows and abridged versions and what have you out of the way. In these mediums, the documents, the wax cylinders, the letters, the news clippings... they don't fucking exist. The story is not told through the eyes of our principle characters using whatever means they have to record what is going on around them. The story is just spoon-fed in an entirely linear fashion through a single medium, and it's just BORING. It is simply not how the story was meant to be told.

That's done, so what was my point about modern reimaginings? Now, I gotta lotta gripes with the idea of retelling Dracula in contemporary times because you cannot convince me that all the same plot beats would happen verbatim in an entirely new era. You just can't keep me invested in the same exact story again but worse. But we aren't TALKING ABOUT THAT, we're talking about MEDIUMS. The story-telling is often limited to a single medium. "What if Dracula was like Ghost Files or Marble Hornets-" so it's just audio/video files. That sounds incredibly easy to compile. And you could try and replicate the diversity of the record keeping methods in the book but?? The charm... is gone...

Like yeah, the people who keep physical journals can still keep physical journals, and letters can turn to emails, and phonograph recordings can turn to voice memos or what have you, but they miss that turn-of-the-century charm that Bram was going for.

Bram doesn't just have Jonathan and Mina write in journals, he specifically has them write in shorthand, and that isn't them being cheeky and writing in secret code so no one can read their diaries, it is an efficient way of noting things down that is soooo in character for both of them. Mina studies shorthand in part because she wants to be able to easily read Jonathan's journal when he comes home, and Jonathan fuckin needs it for his job.

The phonograph? Fuckin sick dude, that's technology, you can speak into it? You don't have to write shit down? OH BUT OF COURSE you DO have to convert it all to TYPE, and if you've ever used a typewriter, you know that it is a very arduous task! Mina goes through all this loving effort to unite all the different record-keeping mediums the crew has been using independently. This is her fucking book.

And if you tried to pull what Bram did with your contemporary remake, the inevitable question by all readers is: "Why the hell isn't Mina just using a program to transcribe all these audio files and translate all this shorthand into text and why doesn't she just save it all to the cloud? Why is she literally making carbon copies?" And you could bluff and say Mina wanted to have that human touch of using the typewriter to painstakingly unite all the mediums, but she wouldn't want that. The whole reason she likes shorthand and the phonograph and the typewriter is for how cool and modern they are. In the twenty-first century, this woman would have a suped up PC.

What I suppose I'm saying is that, if you want Dracula in the modern day to have even a sliver of the same charm as the original novel, you gotta be a pro in computer engineering so you can properly capture the majesty of Mina Harker the Computer Wizard.

none of this is legible, I am typing it in a haze.

[whumpsday]

(Okay I kinda feel like I'm spamming you but I wanna pet Kane again so I'll indulge myself once more... and then I'll stop. For a while.

Also you said blood pack but I gave him a plastic bottle.. like a water bottle that I put blood in. And you said he ripped it open so I'm gonna take the misunderstanding and run with it)

I come back again a few days later and I'm again wearing an extra flannel around my waist. It's the same one from the first time, now thoroughly washed and repaired if/where needed. I tell him to give me my flannel back and give him the other one back. Then I ask for the bottle back. If he tries to explain/beg/apologize I tell him to shut the fuck up. When he shows me the torn up bottle, I sigh frustratedly. "I was gonna keep refilling that for you, but if you're so ungrateful as to fucking destroy it... the flannels I get, that's not your fault, but.. really? Dude, come on. Maybe you don't deserve the flannels either..." I don't mean the last part but I think the panic in his face is fun.. if he tries to beg I tell him to shut up though. Regardless, I sit down, and say "come here". I sit with his head in my lap and I stroke his hair. I tell him off for being tense and hold my wrist in front of his face. "If I let you drink, will you be able to relax?"

prev

Kane gives you the flannel without begging this time. You have earned his trust, and he looks at you in total adoration, openly excited for your visit. It's the only joy he has in his life. He even smiles as he greets you: a small one, but it's the first time anyone here has seen him do that. He looks a better than he did the last time you saw him, several wounds having healed much faster than normal. He hands you a bottle that's been clawed open and licked clean.

When you immediately berate him and threaten to take away any future food and clothing, the smile vanishes from his face, all that hope and joy and trust dying in an instant. He stumbles over himself to apologize, going right to begging for another chance, but stops when you tell him to. At that point, all he can do is keel over and quietly sob.

Kane isn't as tense this time, when you make him lay in your lap. He isn't as hungry. He knows that won't last. He's already starving again, just not enough that he needs extreme effort to control himself. He can't stop crying, his body wracked with sobs.

But you offer your blood to him again after all, your threat a bluff in the end. He doesn't dare speak, terrified of angering you again, nodding profusely. As he gratefully drinks, he almost doesn't care if you take his clothing away. Almost.

(you're not spamming me! but i prefer to do anything more than like 2 or 3 rp-asks in dms, so please dm me! i'm having a great time with this and would love to hear from you, 💜!)

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2024: #33

33. BELGIUM Mustii - "Before the party's over" 32nd place

Decade Ranking: 125/153 [Above Vladana, below Iru]

and now I get to be smug: (date of posting, the night before the song was released, when it leaked.)

When I'm right, you'll know it. Which of you was also never fooled by RTBF's extensive PR and always suspected the semi was where it would end? Belgium never do well if we're an overdog, that's been proven again and again and again. Not enough time has passed for the Eurofans to accept the truth about "The Party is Over", so let me break it to you with zero filter.

BELGIUM HAD A BAD SONG. *THAT* IS WHY THEY WERE ELIMINATED.

Yes, a BAD SONG. Sure, the live was Very Not Good and that didn't help, (I"ll get to that), but it wasn't "four points ahead of Besa" bad. One doesn't just tumble from "critically acclaimed fan fave and expected top ten placer" to that on the basis of one underwhelming live. Kaleen was arguably worse than Mustii and faced direct competition from three other entries (Mustii only from one and it was fucking DONS ♥) and she still scraped through. That is the difference between a good Eurovision song, and a bad one.

So what makes "Before the party's over" that bad? You mean besides that it takes forever to build up into a climax that isn't even that good?

Besides the literal goat noises + unfortunate singing face?

Besides the word salad lyrics that use a lot of words to say nothing at all? ("ARE YOU STILL PLAYING THE GAME OR BREAKING THE RULES") What game? What rules? WHAT ARE YOU SINGING ABOUT?! This lyrics are as tiresome to read as they were tedious to hear.

Maybe the fact that's it's appalingly vainglorious?

Like, what's the matter? An enibriated gay enters the stage, behaves like he's the centre of the universe, deludes himself into thinking he serves, mama (refering to his own behaviour as that in his mind, ofc) and everybody is too pre-occupied on their phones to pay him attention. That's half of homosexuality during karaoke night at the gay bar. Big deal. If the ambition is to do well in Eurovision, perhaps one should aim higher than "glamped-up Mirud"?

That said, it wasn't until the live in the Semi i realized why nothing works. Once you see it performed on a stage the AZERBAIJANI COLOURS come out, and they're not a part of any televote-qualifier rainbow that I've ever seen. If you're going to come in all "I AM AWESOME" then gives us a reason to agree with you? It was a lot of style attempting to cover a complete lack of substance, and doing it poorly. The song was a bluff, an empty promise carefully aimed at currying jury votes (hence why it dominated early polls) and the live exposed it for what it was. End of.

I've also seen people toss around the idea that Mustii was a Sennek, but I don't believe this is fair towards either of them. Sennek had a great song, and no vision. She assumed the song would be enough get her into the final by default. She then spent the rest of the preseason guzzling down glasses of zinfandel until she took the stage and everyone -to their HORROR- understood how woefully unprepared and inexperienced she was.

Mustii, if anything, was Sennek's direct opposite. He had an unvoteable song and a clear vision in mind (himself.) and worked VERY hard to engineer it into a qualifier. So much that he actively neglected basic human needs such as sleep? Like I've seen at least THREE different interviews where Mustii cheerfully reveals he'd been rehearsing so often that he hasn't slept in days, like dude, TAKE ALL THE NAPS IN THE WORLD. REST YOURSELF. PLEASE.

So with that in mind, I can ~understand~ why he wasn't good live. If you work yourself into insomnia and anxiety, and then are thrown into the most TOXIC BACKSTAGE of all times, yeah ofc you're not going to be at your best.

Even with a good live, I still think Belgium NQ. The song was hopeless. Let this be an eternal reminder for everyone that Fade to Blacks will no longer be tolerated in Eurovision across any flag and banner.

THE RANKING

[autisticsupervillain]

Could the Wright Anything Agency catch Agent 47?

Assumptions

I'm analyzing this under the pretext that Agent 47 has killed someone and sticks around under the same cover to scope out another target in the same area. The person 47 was disguised as at the time gets framed for the murder and the WAA take the case, looking into this "Tobias Rieper" guy when it starts to seem like he might be involved.

Neither has any prior information on the other going in.

Pre-Disbarment Phoenix

Given the Timelines of both franchises, this is Phoenix going up against World of Assassination Era 47. That is.... not good.

Basically, 47 is at his prime both in his abilities as an assassin and his resources with the ICA and he's going up against Nick back when he still needed Mia's advice from time to time.

Okay, that is unfair. Phoenix has taken down some very tough cookies. Damon Gant, Manfred Von Karma, Matt Engarde, and so on. All of whom were either very connected, very intelligent, or both. 47 is very much both.

I do genuinely think 47 can talk his way around the Magatama. 47 at this point has a particular habit of speaking when undercover, where he'll tell technical truths as a little private joke to himself. Lies of omission. Much like how Matt Engarde got around it by technicality, I do think 47 could as well.

Example: "Hey, doc, what's in that shot you're giving me?" "Floral extracts. Mostly belladonna." "Uh, isn't that poisonous? Shouldn't I be worried?" "I'm not. Just sit back, it'll all be over soon." Etc.

Not straight up lies, just not giving an entirely upfront answer.

That said, the name "Tobias Rieper" mosy definitely would cause a ding, because 47 himself doesn't consider himself as having one. That'll probably be what prompts Nick into poking around.

47 takes care to avoid getting recorded or photographed, and takes time to destroy such evidence when he has to, so Nick's gonna have to rely on witness testimony to prove 47's disguise didn't match his client. His basic Pressing techniques should be enough on that front, getting them to mention 47's completely hairless physique, tall stature, monotone voice, etc by pressing for more detail.

That said, I don't think Nick can genuinely catch 47 out with anything. He was genetically engineered to not leave a trace behind, so he can't grow hair and might not even have fingerprints. He prides himself on the bodies either not being found until hours after he's gone or spinning his kills as elaborate accidents. Nick can definitely bluff and theorize his way into working out how 47 did it, but without any proof, all he can do is prove it couldn't have been his client.

Also, First Game Nick dies here. Dude almost got himself assassinated by the mafia and 47 won't hesitate with that fiber wire.

That said, 47 does play into Nick's hand a little bit. He's been known to concoct overly elaborate kills that only he could ever possibly pull off just to make things interesting and if there's one talent Nick has its untangling convoluted murder plots through logical leaps no one else is willing to make.

47 also canonically has an "aura of death" that psychics can sense because of how many people he's killed. Don't know if the Magatama or Maya can pick up on that, as that's not really in their wheelhouse, but it's there if you want to argue it.

Similarly, 47 has met ghosts before, so he's liable to put his guard up if Mia tries to interject. Hell, he's met actual Santa too.

Also, if Phoenix does get his man, he'll have incurred the wrath of the entire ICA so... lose-lose really.

Ultimately, I think Nick can get his client off the hook, but he won't be able to corner a man as slippery as 47. 47 covers his tracks too carefully. 5/10, would solve case, would not catch killer.

Post-Disbarment Phoenix

A lot of Nick's advantages from before still carry over, but with a few extra notes.

First off, timeline wise, this is Freelancer Era 47. 47 no longer has an entire international assassination agency backing him up and now relies on his contacts in the black market and Diana Burnwood to get around. He also has a home he can be traced back to while previously he moved around constantly.

This time, Phoenix is the one with higher resources, as he has connections to Interpol through Edgeworth and connections to Khura'in through Apollo. He has the means to organize an international manhunt if he has to.

Nick is also a lot more willing and able to play the long game. Take his seven year plan against Kristoph or his collaboration with Edgeworth to catch The Phantom, for instance. Nick won't stoop to the lows he did against Kristoph again, as that came about from him being at the lowest point in his life, but his plan there proves he's absolutely able to play the long term Chessmaster when silly bluffing lawyer man won't cut it.

Again, Nick won't be able to catch 47 on their first run in. He just runs too tight a ship. Unlike previously, Nick will have the means to conduct follow up investigation and won't have to do so with a massive target on his back because the ICA doesn't exist anymore.

That said, a 47 whose at the top of his game is still a bit more than the Interpol of Ace Attorney can handle. It will take a lot of planning to create a trao that 47 can't just shoot his way out of. Most likely by going after Diana, but it'll take awhile for him to figure out she even exists. Diana's a force to be reckoned with on her own.

In brief, he can, but he'd have to dedicate a significant chunk of his life to it, pulling every string he has through connections and friendships. 9/10

Apollo Justice

Gonna be blunt, perceive is not gonna work. Like, flat out.

47 doesn't have body ticks. He's unnaturally stiff at all times, even while relaxing and having fun. He doesn’t emote or react or change his tone of voice in a situation. There wouldn't be a microexpression to give away the lie because 47 barely has expressions.

That said, he's just as good at the classic approach as Phoenix is, so a lot of what I said there applies here. Press for more testimony and point out the physical discrepancies that come from that.

Of note, if the crime takes place in Khura'in, then the Divination Seance may screw 47 over. He's had entire conversations with targets before killing them, after all, so it could catch him right there if he's not more careful than usual.

That said, Khura'in by itself doesn't have nearly the presence or resources to catch 47 on the follow through unless he stays relatively close by geographically, so even with all of Khura'in's investigative abilities focusing him, 47 should escape afterwards just fine.

Unless you count Apollo bringing in Phoenix to bring in Edgeworth and Interpol, Apollo just doesn't have the right deck to play with 47. 7/10 because Divination Seance and death aura might get 47 in Khura'in though.

Athena Cykes

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Athena basically hard counters 47.

A seemingly emotionless assassin whose a master of disguise. Think I've heard that one before....

That said, 47 isn't just Phantom 2. He does actually have emotions. He just buries them deeeeeeeep in there.

Honestly, 47 is a massive trauma magnet with a lot of damage upstairs. He was genetically designed to be an assassin from the ground up, waa abused all his childhood in an attempt to purge all emotion and empathy from him, had to witness the first family he ever had he shot and killed in front of him to "teach him a lesson", was drugged into believing he killed his best friend and brother for years, and now has to live with the fact that he killed the parents of the one person left in the world that he cares about. Just... that's rough buddy.

Yeah, Athena would hear nothing when 47 talks about the murder and hear a biiiiiiiig blip when someone says the name Diana or Lucas and that's a big give away.

Could Athena talk him into giving up his career? That's a big if. 47's been kicking the can around in his head for awhile and he always comes back to "killing bad people is the one thing I enjoy in life" so... I'm not optimistic.

She also has no way of actually apprehending him, with none of Apollo's or Phoenix's resources (beyond having them in speed dial, at least).

That said, she'd shake him to his core in the way the other two could never. He'd come out respecting Apollo and Nick but shaken by Athena and that's a big win.

All of them:

Combine all those advantages and what do ya get?

That's a conviction several years in the making, my friend.

[dravidssideblog]

"Do I really HAVE to reform them? This is such a pain." "It would be a lot easier if you had kept their soul together." "They're PREY, I don't bother holding onto my food's soul." "Okay, if you're going to live here, you seriously need a lesson on vore etiquette." "Etiquette? I'm a predator, I eat people, there's no etiquette for eating people." "There is here, and it's the reason why prey is so easy to catch. It's also the reason why there's no consequences, so unless you want this to be a repeat of what happened back at your home town, you're going to learn it." "Ugh, fine, whatever, I just gotta reform any prey I eat, right?" "Yes, absolutely, but there's more than just that. For one, you can't hurt prey while eating them, so next time watch it with the teeth and claws." "What?! That's ridiculous, how am I supposed to subdue my meal?" "You don't have to, because the prey can't hurt you either." "… Okay…" "Second, you can't keep prey for any longer than a week. Doesn't matter if you digest them or just keep them inside, after a week, you gotta reform them or let them go." "Eh, that's fine, I guess. Not much of a long-term guy anyhow." "You can't eat someone with a prey in their belly." "Wait a sec, that means that if I catch a prey, no one can eat me? That sounds pretty nice! Hanging out with other preds was always too risky before…" "If you eat a prey who's with a group, you have to offer to eat the rest of the group too." "Wait what? Offer? This one does make sense…" "Well, if a group of friends are hanging out together, it'd be rude to separate one from the rest. You can still eat them, of course, but if the others want to join their buddy in your belly, you have to eat them too." "If they… want to? That's common enough that there's an etiquette rule about it?" "Yeah. Reformation is guaranteed, remember? Makes prey a lot less opposed to getting eaten." "Huh… And to be clear, even if they don't want to, I can still eat the whole group anyway right?" "Right. Another thing, you can't break into someone's home to eat them. Well, you shouldn't break into people's homes in general, that's rude, but I felt like I should specify to you. Homes are a safe zone." "A safe zone, huh? Sounds annoying… What if they invite me in? That's not breaking in, right?" "Yeah, if you invite a pred into your house you're kinda accepting the risk of getting eaten. But if you're just relaxing in your house, you shouldn't have to worry about someone sneaking in to eat you." "… Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice. Okay, what else?" "Uh… Oh, some prey and preds here have committed relationships." "What, like, preys dating preds!?" "Kinda, except instead of dating its dinner." "Dinner dates." "Yeah. Anyway, you can't eat someone's committed prey without the pred's permission. The pred also can't eat other prey without their prey's permission, but I doubt that'll ever come up for you." "Couldn't a prey just lie and say 'oh yeah I totally have a predfriend, they're from another town, you wouldn't know them, but yeah I'm taken sorry!'" "How did you know they're called 'predfriends'?" "Wait that's actually what they're called? Dude I was joking!" "Well, anyway, a prey lying about that would also be a break of etiquette. If you really think they're lying, I guess you can call their bluff and eat them anyway, but don't be surprised when their pred comes to punch your lights out." "Yeesh, alright, fine. Hey, you mentioned before that prey aren't allowed to hurt preds trying to eat them? Are there any other rules like that?" "Yeah! You mentioned, like, lacing clothes with chemicals or something to stop preds from eating you by making you taste bad? That kinda stuff isn't allowed." "Niiice." "There's also rules about when it's acceptable for a prey to force themself down a pred's throat, but-" "There are prey that do that!? That's awesome!" "Yeah I figured you wouldn't mind that."

[littlebetesofeverything]

Welcome to Night Vale Ep 23

Well, that happened. Honestly, I'm not sure what the next few years are gonna be like, but my therapist reminded me to take some time and think about the present. Not sure how well I can do that, but I can listen to Cecil and try to wind down with him. So let's do that!

You report everything, Cecil. And we love you for it.

Koshek the cat sounds adorable. Awww, he's a mom now too. Can I have one of the kittens?

I missed that HR was some unknown entity. Wait we have an oracle in the station? COOL!!

ewwww, Boy Scouts. Yeah it would suck to be eternally a boy.

Why do all these things happen in the pit outside Ralphs? Not a complaint. Just, is it like Denny's?

Death a meritocracy sounds incredible, ngl. Yeah, the government shouldn't decide who gets to die. I vote against making death universal.

"When I die, I want to have earned it." Another banger. I also feel like this right now.

Mayor vomiting balloons sounds like not the worst thing to happen to children. The first being clowns luring them to sewers

Aww I like that they get some celebration before the pit.

All hail the glow cloud. they know what's up with soda. Love the death traps. The salt will make up for the sugar.

Missile silos seem like an unsurprising thing in Night Vale. Listen, sometimes hypnotism is the answer.

How much human control is there in the ceremony? Just asking for a friend. Yeah, you should be terrified Scoutmaster. I know a lot of confusing feelings. Dude, how many dudes have a crush on Cecil and how many have been disappointed since Carlos moved to Night Vale?

yes, life IS terrifying Cecil. Never forget that.

I'm cackling that it was an ad for Six Flags in DESERT BLUFFS. LMAO

yes, calm will help a bleeding crisis. That is certified medicine. Says a medical student who is studying clotting medications.

Do the birds correlate to the kids fleeing the tent? Secret police saying something is creepy should be certifiable. Cecil, you have 5 in the booth? thoughts and prayers.

of course, you go to the weather right now.

Is everyone safe and sound? of course aren't the threat, they just attack and drag people away. Oh, I guess only 12 people dead isn't too much to worry about.

RIP Harlan, your scouts will remember you. Even Cecil will miss you.

yeah, that sounds like an ETERNAL scout, to be preserved in a glass case.

Welp, good night Night Vale. And good night to the rest of you. Remember, if you see me blogging shit after I say good night, no, you didn't.