#this isn't a plotting or starter call exactly

[izzabela]

Can I request bi han x fem reader.

Reader is sent on a mission in Russia and bi han misses her,sektor tells him to get a phone so it'll be easy to communicate and y/n introduces him to phone sex and they have phone sex.

New Things - Bi Han x fem!reader

in which you introduce Bi Han to something new while away on a mission

a/n: Bi Han with a phone is a crazy idea- i like it

ship[s]: bi han x fem!reader

warning(s): MDNI, porn with semi-plot, phone sex, f!reader = f!genitalia, masturbation, dirty talk, degradation, post-kanon story

"He- Hel- Hello? Bi Han?" you voice called, breaking slightly over the phone.

Bi Han put the device close to his ear, your voice finally patching through his phone. He smiles, the only witnesses of this soft act being the walls of his bedroom. He coughs before answering you.

"I can hear you, darling," he responds. "How do you find Russia? Have you eaten yet? Is the mission going well?"

You chuckle at the onslaught of questions, "Cold, but not as cold as home, yes I ate already, and the mission is going decent."

Bi Han sighs, "Good, I am glad you are alright."

Bi Han originally didn't have a phone, hell he was opposed to such devices. He caved after you were gone for a mission a couple months back, and the letter he wrote you was intercepted by the enemy. It was also Sektor's idea, he even accompanied Bi Han in choosing one.

Now, here he was, talking to you over the phone while you were oceans away. Elder gods, what a sight to behold, the grandmaster using technology.

"And you, my dear, is there anything to note back home?" you ask. Bi Han groans as he relays the struggles you were missing out on.

From setbacks to the coding of the cyber-ninjas, to even more dreadful losses with this brotherly war, Bi Han was having a hard time dealing with these setbacks. It was uncharacteristic of him, since he's usually more calculated and put together.

"You sound stressed, my dear," you mention, twirling your hair as get in the bed of the hotel you were staying in. You hear Bi Han sigh over your end of the phone.

"You are greatly missed here, none more so than by me," Bi Han says softly, and you coo at the vulnerability he displayed.

"I also wish I were home," you respond solemnly. It's quiet over the line, the light breathing filling the silence.

That is, until a light bulb is lit in your mind. It's a little risky, but it isn't entirely a bad thing. Just to blow off some steam.

"Darling, would you like to relax?" you ask, but Bi Han is perplexed as he answers you.

"I am unwinding just fine with you on the phone."

You tut him, clicking your tongue as you clarify yourself. Apparently, subtly in words was not his strongest trait.

"Would you like try phone sex?" you blurt out. It's quiet on your end, Bi Han not saying a thing for a couple of beats.

"...What exactly is that?" he asks, his voice sounding lost and confused. You then explain that it would just be them on the phone, whispering dirty things about themselves as they touched themselves rather inappropriately.

TLDR, a horny way to unwind the stress of missing each other.

"I see," is all Bi Han says. "I do not know how to start, though."

You chuckle, "Remaining ever so honest, grandmaster. Do not be worried, though, I can lead us."

You strip down into nothing, putting your phone on speaker as you lay comfortably in your bed. Bi Han still remains in his sleepwear, but he can see that his member is growing erect as the minutes pass.

"For starters, it must feel rather lonely in bed without me," you begin, your voice a little breathy. Bi Han sighs, palming his growing erection as he responds.

"It is, it pains me that you are so far. I cannot hold nor touch you." Bi Han sets his phone down after indulging you, on speaker mode as well so he has... a better range of motion.

"I have only my thoughts to keep me company," you admit, slowly rolling your breasts in your hands.

"Do tell me what you think about when I am not present," Bi Han eggs you with a teasing voice.

"I, uh," you stutter. "I think of how you tease nipples. Your fingers always squeeze them the way I like." Bi Han groans a bit.

"Touch them as I do, then," he tells you, palming his rock-hard dick. "To let you know, I miss the way you stroke me, my dear."

Bi Han gave up on his pants and boxers. His dick was hard and free from its fabric prison, and he was going in constant strokes to mimic the way you did. Bi Han grunts as he touches himself, pumping his dick in his fist as he heard your breath over the phone.

If the wetness between your legs were relayed to a leaky pipe, you were practically bursting at this point. You moan at the though of his hand pumping his cock, trying to emulate your touch. It filled you with pride knowing you left such an impression on him.

You reach down in between your legs, rubbing the wet folds as you imagine your fingers as Bi Han's length. You bite your lip to stifle a moan, but it slips through and Bi Han catches your poor attempt of hiding your voice.

"Do not be shy, my darling," Bi Han says breathlessly. "Let me hear you. Touching yourself as you think of me, in and out of your tightness."

Bi Han was getting into it now. Still keeping his constant strokes, he imagines your body on top of him. Visages of your perky nips in his face, your voice bouncing off the walls of the shared room. He can imagine the marks on his back, a great side effect on how well he dicks you down.

For you, you stuck a finger in your wet cunt. Just like Bi Han, you pump the digit in and out of you at a good speed. It hits your good spot perfectly, and the moans you had been so desperate to hide come through and enter Bi Han's ear. He's smirking, and he pumps a little faster.

"Can you hear that? Though you are so far, you still manage to please me," Bi Han's voice is sultry and deep, praising you a job well done (so far).

"Are you this degenerate when you are away?" Bi Han's tone shifts, and it shocks you a little bit. "Touching yourself, desperate to relieve yourself- disgusting."

By the elder gods, he was really leaning into this phone sex business. As much as you want to deny it, you can't help but moan and agree with his degradation of you. Yes, you missed him. Yes, you touched yourself on those occasions where the longing was too much.

You stop yourself and add another finger inside yourself, curling it slightly to hit your g-spot even better. You moan louder, and Bi Han takes it as a sign to go faster in his fist. He's grunting a little louder, and through your ecstasy you can hear a couple of shaky exhales of his breath.

"By the gods, I can just imagine it," Bi Han says breathlessly. "Your fingers won't be enough, not when I have marked you, molded you... made you mine."

You gasp at how dirty his words have become. Gods, he was immersed, and your bodily response was to get even more wet. Practically soaking the sheets underneath you, you respond to the claims Bi Han was acclaiming.

"Yes grandmaster! You've molded me so well- I am yours wholly!"

As you keep pumping yourself, your hand that was previously on your tit is on your pleasuring yourself two-fold as you focus on reaching your high. Bi Han is huffing and puffing now, his hand going up and down as he also chases his peak.

"Very good. Keep the thought of my length as you come," Bi Han says. "Your warmth is all I can think about- I even squeeze my fist to think of how you squeeze around me."

The mention of it makes you squeeze around your fingers, and that was the last sensory necessity for you to zone in on cumming. The feeling of your fingers rubbing your clit, your other fingers going in and out of your tight cunt, and the gentle squeeze to give you more friction, it's sending you over the edge.

Bi Han has a gentle tightness around his cock. He's trying to imagine you squeezing around him, and it works as he can feel his high coming. The thoughts of your body bouncing up and down his cock, your moans ringing in his ears, and the little squelches he can hear from the speaker, send Bi Han into overdrive.

"B-Bi Han!" you cry out. "I- oh gods, I'm close!" Bi Han just grunts in response, muttering under his breath as he's about to peak.

"Bi Han!" you cry out, literally squeaking as your legs twitch and shake as your body begins to relax from your climax. You're breathless, hands damp with your slick, and your body dripping with sweat.

Bi Han also climaxes, calling your name as strings of translucent white coming out. They land on his lower stomach and thighs. His chest heaves up and down, yearning for air as he comes down from his high. He's sticky with sweat, extra sticky near his penile area, and his hand has a bit of his own slickness too.

He reaches for a tissue on his nightstand, and you do the same on the other side of the world. Over the phone, Bi Han can hear you shift on the bed, putting your clothes on and shuffling around the room to clean up. Bi Han is wrapping up his own clean-up operations, putting his clothes on before settling into bed.

"Bi Han darling?" you call for him through the phone. "Are you there?"

Bi Han grabs his phone, "Yes I am." It's a bit quiet before he speaks again. "Did you enjoy?"

You laugh heartily, "Of course! Who knew you were really good at this, my darling~" you drag out the "ing" sound, and he chuckles at your antics.

"Thank you for introducing this to me," he says, calling your name softly. Your face warms, and you can't tell if it's from the warmth of your phone.

"You're welcome, Bi Han. Perhaps we can do this again when I have more time," you offer.

"Finish up the mission, and we won't need to do this over the phone." That's all Bi Han says before he drops an "I love you" and hangs up.

The call drops, and you sleep with motivation to come home.

=====================

phone sex is... odd, but i did finish it. i hope you liked it anon!

still finishing up all my reqs, let's see if i can do it before school starts for me

see yall in the next fic!

[strawbrryrush]

꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹ event 19 starter/plotting call!! I'm late my apologies- but below you can find who my muses are going with and what they're up to! Pls reply with who you'd like a starter for/ limit is 3 per mun, and I'm allowing 3 starter slots for each muse :3 and if you want to plot like and I'll be in your DMS!! Also my bad that below they're not in small front mobile won't let me do it so..whoops also here's the Pinterest if you can wanna know how they're dressed !!

elena gilbert - going with elijah mikaelson 0/3

she's enjoying getting to spend this romantic night with her life, even if he has commitment issues she's enjoying it.. I'm down for her to be an emotional support girlie/ the drunk girl who's your bestie in the bar bathroom..if you planning for any of your muses to be having a rough night, Elena wouldn't mind listening or being a shoulder to cry on.

homura akemi - going with Madoka Kaname 0/3

it's homura or course she's a little on edge who's know if that evil cat is lurking. Most likely you can find her with Madoka, but of course she's kind of enough/ though she may not look it, if your character needs any help- or whatever! She needs more friends let this be a night for her to make some friends.

Jinx- going with mittens. 0/3

It's jinx, she's chaotic maybe she'll be swinging by a chandelier- or let this be the first night she gets drunk. Will someone get hurt ?? Idk?? But for real she'll be on her best behavior with mittens- she has a reputation to uphold and a crush she can't shake !! But if a muse wants to scheme with jinx- I'm so down.

nami - going with Sanji Vinsmoke 0/3

nami is happy to be having a gorgeous nightout, a chance to dress up and show Sanji just exactly who he's with !! You can find her on the dance floor - and maybe pickpocketing.. there's stuff here- how much money do you think it's worth ?? 👀 If someone wants to thief with her - I think that'd be fun

Vaggie,- blind date with Alice Cullen 0/3

Vaggie thinks blind dates are dumb- and isn't too sure why she can't let herself relax and enjoy the scene..maybe because she has a girlfriend - she can't remember and should be without instead ?? Idk?? But yeah- i can see her having a bar fight - ?? Masquerade fight ?? She's just not too thrilled to be here- and doesn't feel too in her zone.. though she looks good in a dress .

draculaura - going with Louise Belcher 0/3

Draculaura loves dances !! She's gonna be thrilled- kind of sad she can't see her reflection, but she can trust Louise to tell her how she looks..

moxxie- going with * borat voice* my wife/millie 0/3

Oh how he's so excited to be on such a nice date with the love of his life !! He loves all things flashy; romantic.. will be seen dancing on the dance floor- acting like Millie if the only thing on this earth :)- though feel free to bug them it's funny.

martha hatter,- blind date with juniper andromeda - 0/3

she knows it's just a fun little dance- nothing serious she's happy to be there.. to be kind and fun to the person she's tagging along with- would love for her to make more friends here!!

stiles stilinski- blind date with kaoru sakurayashiki 0/3 ! Legit just made a bestie with this date- finds him cool as hell- wants to know how to skate- and let's dye our hair together ! But for real- besides just having a fun bestie date with Kaoru, he's gonna be eyeing down a certain someone - starts with e ends with rika..def a little jealous if not a lot of her date- but he won't let u know. Def the type to let himself get a little too loose, and regret it the next morning.

sanna marchon- going w zash! 0/3

her husband, she's not too sure why's he's so overly protective at the event.. she just wants him to let loose ,mainly there making sure he's having fun. Would love for her to make some new friends - she's really sweet, just her husband is a liiiitle overprotective.

tifa lockhart - blind date with Nina Zenik 0/3

Finally a night off from work, she's glad to be there, especially to have a fun outgoing with the bestie aerith.. she'll be a fun, flirty date for sure. Down to be anyone's friend !

mabel pines- going with Riley , 0/3

Of course Mabel is sunshine and rainbows - she will be doing the most awkward dance moves you'll ever see ..but she's shameless she'll be doing her best at trying to get their date to open up- I mean?? Dream come true he's a vampire wowza.

calcifer- blind date with sorcha, 0/3 he just came here for the food - and because if howl and Sophie went ig..he has to come along- what else would he do?? I think they wouldn't be a great date.. but he doesn't rly care for this scene, might get drunk will see

yor forger- going with shanks 0/3

yor is most likely going to get drunk- and act really goofy and funny - and drunk yor will be doing her best to woo shanks.. - but she's also gonna be keeping a protective eye on anya- even if she doesn't quite remember her.

bmo- blind date with Faye Chamberlain 0/3

Of course bmo- will try to be a great date, wearing their best outfit - and making sure not to step on their dates toe if they want to dance.. oh bmo- will love to dance !! Also just happy to be there and experiencing this as a human.

jackie taylor- blind date with tigris 0/3

This is definitely taking some adjustments seeing as this isn't quite a 90s party- but where the drinks are that where you can find jackie. I want to say shed her best to be as good as a date as she can be.. with her trauma she's burying deep down..

mari perry- blind date with Marley Bishop 0/3

Mari’s first dance- and first time drinking.. will be a fun time- but definitely I'm excited for her to get out and make new friends - and be a menace to her date. Lol sorry Megan and Gareth.

mary- going with gojo satoru 0/3

she's open to having fun, especially someone as handsome as gojo.. she's there to have fun and take it easy.

blair waldorf- blind date with elira -0/3

If there's a party- there's gonna be a crash out + Blair will try to present herself as a classy date- thinking the other is lucky to be going with her..but I can see towards the end of the night her getting too drunk..but hey!! She's messy what can we do

sara- going with Claudia- 0/3

She has trust issues- but is trying to trust Claudia especially when going to a dance.. she has her defense up- and will not only be protective of Claudia but also of herself..idk if she'll end up drinking from someone - who knows ??? Idk.

kim young-mi- going with jun-ho 0/3

She's still adjusting from coming out of the games she's nervous.. feeling shyer then usual- she wants to enjoy herself but is finding it hard to adjust to the outside again.. will most likely be staying close to people she knows - searching for hyun-ju, sticking by jun-ho.

ji-yeong- blind date with Eloise 0/3

ji-yeong is laid back, doesn't care too much for the dance.. especially given how she doesn't feel too deserving of it.. but hey if she can make her dates time easier - and listen she will.. least she can do. -might drink a little.

bubbles- blind date with winter ! 0/3

Oh trust me bubbles took a while getting ready for this event and is excited for the opportunity to meet people- and see where the night goes.. she'll be sweet as sugar to her date- even excited to dance.

nora bishop- going with husband Henry Bishop 0/3. Honestly she feels like they're young again- but this isn't prom- but a masquerade and it's nice to have the chance to see her children in what could've been prom attire- that she other wise would've missed out on.. She's cautious, staying sober for the occasion, even if the alcohol is tempting.

Iris-going solo 0/3

She's excited to have fun and taste freedom, and because she news she can definitely use this event as meeting new friends and people.. shes kind, is a bad liar, and I can imagine she'd make a good friend . Especially people who can show her how friends and healthy relationships should be!!

[louisapennyfeather2021]

My sibling and I thought of a hilarious sub-plot for Season 2/possible main plot for future seasons of Hazbin Hotel:

First and foremost, it would require the introduction of Archangel Michael, voiced by the one and only Andrew Rannells. We just wanted him to be a part of the cast, but introducing Michael would be really interesting for a few reasons.

For starters, we know there will be discussions between Lucifer and Heaven. 1) He intervened in the Extermination(even though a Hellborn was harmed and Heaven broke their end of the deal). Heaven won't just let that go, especially since Adam is dead(now a sinner???) 2) Pentious was redeemed, so if Lucifer and/or Charlie find our, that would mean they have a LOT more conversations with Heaven.

Let's say druing one of these conversations Lucifer is at his whits end with Sera and the rest of the Heavenly Council. Maybe he makes a demand to bring the Big-Boss-Man into this. Well, you see, God doesn't get involved much unless it's really a big deal, so who better to send in his place than his Gold-Star Son, Michael???

(For the sake of this post, let's run with the idea that Lucifer and Michael are genuinely brothers. Just for the fun of it, we could even say that they're twins and neither can agree on who was "born" first)

And ohhhhh, how Lucifer immediately regrets it, not because Michael is necessarily a threat to Lucifer. No, no, no, Michael is essentially harmless right now. But Michael is Lucifer's "perfect" brother. The golden boy who stood by their father's side while his wayward brother Fell.

And boy, is Michael very well aware of the fact that he's the favorite. Lucifer mostly can't stand him because he's rather smug and entitled. He also 100% refers to himself in the 3rd Person and it makes Lucifer's eye twitch.

Michael isn't really an antagonist, more so an obstacle similar to Sera. He's like a weird mix of Adam and Sera. He's not vulgar like Adam, but he's not exactly the epitome of Heavenly Grace like Sera. Think of the most stereotypical entitled Cinderella step-sister or Sharpay Evans from High School Musical.

Michael has power, that goes unsaid. He's an archangel, of course he has power. However, when he initially defeated Lucifer, it was with the help of God. By all technicalities, Lucifer and Michael are on the same grounds for power. Maybe in the future, if we get an all out war with Heaven, it could come down to a fight between brothers/families. Lucifer might taunt Michael similarly to how he taunted Adam, but Michael is also one of the warriors of Heaven, stronger than everyone except God. This would be a fair fight between the two.

And imagine Charlie trying to process the fact that she has family in Heaven, but they had no interest in even thinking about her. Charlie's ideas of Heaven have already been tainted and she's aware of how Heaven hurt Lucifer, but to really process it and feel it first hand when Michael dismisses her like they aren't direct family? It could help drastically change Charlie's outlook on redeeming sinners into Heaven. Maybe it could push her to have a more radical opinion on Heaven and how it functions. That doesn't even take into account how she'll feel when she finds out where Lilith has been while Hell suffers Extermination after Extermination.

But all angst aside, can we just take a minute to imagine how hilarious it would be to watch Jeremy Jordan and Andrew Rannells banter on screen? It was great to watch Lucifer and Alastor play verbal badminton, but Lucifer and Michael?? Hell, maybe Lucifer and Alastor might finally agree on something and it would be their mutual disliking of Michael.

I also think it'd be really funny for Michael to call Lucifer "Lucy", but in a really condescending way that had Lucifer ready to launch into the most epic Sibling Cat Fight of all time. I also personal think Michael refuses to use forks because a certain Fallen Angel spent at least 200 years antagonizing his dearest brother with one.

This post started as "silly haha, Jeremy and Andrew being silly" and then I got distracted.

The big take away is that I really want Andrew to make an appearance in the show in the future and I think him doing that through Archangel Michael would be brilliant.

Kudos to @anymal28 for helping me with initial idea

[shepcdr]

@serabellyms // plotted for a starter.

if it were up to him, shepard would have long left the Citadel by now. But Captain Anderson and Udina are still in talks... about what, he has no damn clue. (If it were Shepard who had command of the Normandy, he would have dragged any information on Saren out of Udina, political niceties be damned — why forward it to the ambassador, anyway? isn't it Shepard that answers directly to them now? at every turn, the Council seem to hinder him more than they're helping him — and taken off as soon as the Council had declared him a Spectre. But he's guessing that's probably one reason he isn't in Anderson's shoes.) C-Sec Requisitions, too, are dragging their feet with the new prototype equipment that's supposed to be en route to the Normandy.

Between the interruptions, they've been informed that they can expect to be ashore for about a half a day more. Shepard isn't all that surprised, considering the involvement from both Udina and Citadel Security Services.

Shepard's never been interested in tourism. If he were at any other post or on any other planet, he would have lingered near the Normandy if he weren't already aboard it. But there's a first for everything. This is the Citadel, after all. And while the Presidium Commons aren't his cup of tea — too quiet and bright and much, much too clean, almost uncomfortably so — escaping the Presidium is quick work via rapid transit.

He's not exactly sure where exactly he got off the shuttle, but it's dense and it's most certainly commercial. The sidewalks are bustling, and the endless sprawling of sights and entertainment is impressive: a vast improvement to the numbing tranquility of the Presidium.

He finds a bar at the end of a nearby street. If he were on shore leave, he might have gone ahead and drunk himself stupid. After all, how else should one celebrate this... new responsibility? (He supposes that's all it is. For all that Nihlus spoke of the unfettered freedom that Spectres enjoy, Shepard is still little more than a sitting duck while Saren runs wild doing God knows what and God knows where. So the Council finally believed him — big deal. Until they've got Saren in cuffs, calling this a celebration seems premature.)

He turns the freshly opened bottle of beer on the counter before him. Even if there's little actual accomplishment to celebrate, having his first drink as a Spectre alone sounds like a miserable idea. But there isn't anyone in particular he wants to share a drink with. Except...

A few taps on his omni-tool, and — location sent. He goes back to turning his beer in hand, feeling oddly contemplative. (It occurs to him that maybe Williams would appreciate some context with the message. But, honestly, it's easier for him if she doesn't show.)

[exhausted-archivist]

Tastes of Thedas Lore Blurbs

Here are all the recipe lore blurbs for Dragon Age: Official Cookbook: Tastes of Thedas. Putting them below the cut due to length, there are 72 recipe blurbs in total.

Starters and Refreshments

Eggs à la Val Foret

Ah, yes. Tons of cream! Exactly what I've come to expect from Orlesian cuisine. Do I have any tips for creating the perfect poached egg? Well, ever since I heard that Solas's bald head was once likened to an egg, I simply try to make my eggs just as round and shiny! So far, it's worked wonderfully and never ceases to put a smile on my face.

Nevarran Blood Orange Salad

Although I knew that Divine Victoria left behind a life of wealth and privilege to join the Seekers of Truth, it wasn't until I was in Nevarra, seeing exactly what she'd given up, that I truly gained an appreciation for the path she'd chosen. The best way to describe my first glimpse of the gardens of Nevarra is that it was like seeing a painting come to life. For a long moment, I could only stand there, so dazzled by the richness and vibrancy of it all that I was half-convinced I was actually still napping in the carriage. Surely, there was no way such beauty could be found outside of a dream. And yet the beauty before me was very much real.

So, too, was the picturesque tableau that arrived later that day on a plate: perfectly cut slices of blood orange artfully arranged on a lush pillow of bitter greens. Was this a meal or a still life, I wondered. In truth, the answer was both. For Nevarrans, food is as much a feast for the eyes as for the mouth. But even if your arrangement isn't quite worthy of being displayed in a museum, this salad will sing a symphony on your tastebuds.

Fried Young Giant Spiders

Just as people on the surface raise cows and goats, the dwarves underground raise spiders. Yes, to eat. The legs are fried and served with a sauce, which, true to dwarven fashion, is made with some type of alcohol. The precise kind depends on the establishment where you're eating your spider legs. Unfortunately, I couldn't get an exact recipe from any of the chefs I spoke to. These sauces are apparently closely guarded secrets and have spurred many a nefarious plot to acquire them - the competition to be crowned Orzammar's Best Sauce is fierce. But I've been assured that lichen ale is generally not used.

I've therefore come up with my own recipe, based on the many varieties I sampled while in Orzammar. Given that sourcing the requisite spider legs above ground is not nearly so easy, and the demand for such exports is minimal, I've substituted them with crab legs. It's not a perfect match, but it's close enough to satisfy me.

Stuffed Deep Mushrooms

Though the mushrooms growing underground in caves and in many parts of the Deep Roads are all called "deep mushrooms," there is no singular variety. In fact, there are several! Some mushrooms are squat, with broad, flat caps, while others are long and spindly, reaching toward the sky like an old man's gnarled fingers. They also have a multitude of applications, used in the creation of everything from restorative potions to deadly poisons. But in Orzammar, mushrooms are farmed for eating!

I was able to sample some of these dwarven delicacies, prized for their unique flavor and intoxicating scent. After only a few bites, I was struck with inspiration. How delicious would one of these mushrooms be when stuffed with cheese and spinach? The answer is: very. Rest assured that I selected this particular variety of deep mushroom not only for its shape, which is ideal for holding the maximum amount of cheese (and spinach), but also for the fact that it does not carry the darkspawn taint. While certain dwarves will insist that a deep mushroom's proximity to lyrium and darkspawn can only improve its flavor, I am quite content to leave that particular question a mystery, especially where lyrium is concerned. Although I'm hardly an expert on the stuff, I can't help but think about Fenris and how much suffering he endured as a result of his lyrium-infused markings. It seems to me that, barring any natural resistance, lyrium and the body are two things that probably shouldn't mix.

Rivaini Couscous Salad

When I first encountered couscous, I mistakenly believed it to be a grain, like rice or the more familiar Fereldan barley. I was swiftly corrected. In fact, couscous is a sort of pasta, made with semolina flour and water, although it's far smaller than your typical Antivan pasta. Couscous has a very mild flavor on its own--maybe slightly nutty. But where it excels is in its ability to soak up surrounding flavors, making it a perfect base for any salad. I'd love to experiment further, but so far, this particular combination of red bell pepper and mint has proven to be incredibly pleasing.

Crab Cakes from Kirkwall

I love it when recipes add a dash of whimsy into the mix. Food should be fun. I, therefore, took it upon myself to put this into practice with a classic Kirkwall dish. After all, who hasn't looked at their crab cakes and wished they looked a little more like crabs? Okay, maybe I'm the only one who's thought this. But now that I've brought this possibility to your attention, I'm certain you're interested as well! Best of all, these extra-crabby crab cakes stay true to the original recipe's flavors, so nothing is lost--only gained!

Fluffy Mackerel Pudding

Can it really be Feast Day without fluffy mackerel pudding? No! In fact, there's no dish I associate more strongly with the holiday than this unique combination of mackerel, onion, celery, and eggs. Granted, I've heard stories that, several decades ago, someone once attempted a diet consisting entirely of fluffy mackerel pudding. Now, that I certainly wouldn't recommend. It stops being Feast Day Fish if you eat it every day, no?

Snail and Watercress Salad

When the Avvar can't get their hands on a gurgut or a wyvern, they turn their attention to smaller prey. Much smaller prey. Snails are found on many a hillside boulder, making them an abundant source of food for the Avvar. Now, while some would wrinkle their noses or cry out in disgust at the prospect of eating a snail, I am pleased to report that, when prepared correctly, the texture, and flavor are actually good! I could happily eat a plate full of snails dressed in butter and oil, but those still on the fence about a snail's place in Lowlander cuisine might prefer to sample them in conjunction with other ingredients. Might I suggest a snail and watercress salad? It’s not exactly traditional Avvar cuisine, but my hosts certainly seemed to enjoy it.

Cave Beetles

You think that, after snails, I'd balk at beetles? Never! In fact, I greatly enjoyed this dwarven dish, which involves roasting cave beetles in their shells. However, I recognize that many may not have a palate that's nearly so adventurous. If that's the case, the cave beetles can be replaced with whole prawns while keeping the rest of the recipe the same. That being said, if you do enjoy the variation with prawns, I really recommend giving the cave beetles a try. They're quite similar in both texture and flavor. If you were to blindfold yourself, I doubt you could tell the difference!

For the Road

Spiced Jerky

Preserved foods play an important role in many different cultures across Thedas. Not only do they help certain communities weather times of scarcity brought on by the changing of the seasons, but they also ensure that long journeys away from home are possible. Imagine how difficult it would be for Dalish hunters to bring back meat the clan is depending on if they have to be back for supper night - or, worse, hunt on an empty stomach! This spiced jerky ensures that all Dalish hunters are well provisioned whenever they set out on a hunt so that no one, either the hunter or the clan at home, must go hungry. I do wonder, given how well this food keeps, whether it’s used in offerings made by certain Dalish elves to Fen’Harel. Although his shrines are usually located well outside of Dalish camps, I can’t imagine that leaving behind food that’ll readily spoil is good practice, especially if the prevailing opinion about these shrines is to avoid them. Besides, he is the Dread Wolf. If any god would enjoy a good piece of jerky, it should be him!

Grey Warden Pastry Pockets

Unlike many of us, Grey Wardens often don’t have the luxury of sitting down for their meals. Instead, they’re off on patrol, usually in less-than-pleasant climates, which makes their work all the more exhausting. In their shoes, I imagine I’d be downright ravenous, well beyond what a handful of nuts could hope to sate. But a pastry stuffed to the brim with meat, potatoes, and onion? Now, that would keep me going, and the Grey Wardens certainly seem to agree! While the original recipe produces a much tougher pastry - mostly to keep the whole thing from falling apart in one’s pack - another variation, championed by newer recruits from Orlais, incorporates the far more delicate Orlesian puff pastry. Whether eaten hot or cold, the results are certainly delicious, but I wouldn’t recommend storing these pastries anywhere they might be jostled. Otherwise, you might open your pack to find a mess in place of a meal!

Pickled Eggs

Got a fever? A cold? An aching shoulder, perhaps? Ask any Fereldan for advice, and they’ll be quick to prescribe you a pickled egg, the Fereldan cure for…well, pretty much anything! Actually, no, I take it back. You don’t even have to ask. Looking a bit under the weather is prompt enough for most Fereldans to unleash a deluge of eggs, which is exactly what Commander Cullen found waiting for him in his office during the worst of his lyrium withdrawals. Whether the eggs really work is a completely different story, but I’d be the last person to complain if one was offered to me. I am Fereldan, after all. Still, next time you feel a bit of illness coming on, try one of these salty-sour eggs. You never know; it might actually work. And at the very least, you’ll have the opportunity to enjoy one of Ferelden’s finest snacks!

Unidentified Meat

Have you ever heard a tale so exciting that you decided then and there that you absolutely have to see the truth of it for yourself? That was me when I learned about the mysterious, impossible-to-identify meat that’s often served in taverns across Tevinter - usually with a heaping portion of Nevarran flat bread. Of course, sometimes, the truth is far less exciting. Because what did I find on my plate when I ordered a portion of this strange meat? Was it quillback? Dracolisk? Giant? No. It was chicken - chicken legs, to be precise. Ah, well. They were still delicious.

Seheron Fish Pockets

Alas, for all my desire to see every last bit of Thedas, there are still certain places where I simply cannot go. Take far-off Seheron, for example, a land that, according to the Hero of Ferelden’s companion, Sten, smells like tea, incense, and the sea. Sounds lovely, no? What a shame then, that all my knowledge comes secondhand - and this recipe is no exception. I learned of this recipe from a member of the famous mercenary band Bull’s Chargers. A group favorite, the fish is packed with flavor. On its own, this combination of spices might prove a bit too much for the more delicate Orlesian palates, but I find that the soft wrap and crisp vegetables temper the resultant heat a fair bit. Do note, however, that this dish has a tendency to fall apart if eaten haphazardly. I suppose that’s why the mercenary who shared this recipe with me emphasized the importance of sitting down properly. He seemed to think I might stand in my chair to eat it instead. Who does that?

Fereldan Hearty Scones

Traveling is tiring work, especially when circumstances beyond your control necessitate going by foot instead of carriage. Thankfully, I had these hearty scones from home to keep me going! Unlike their sweeter, more delicate counterparts, Fereldan scones are packed with cheese and bacon, making them certain to keep you full until your next meal. Unfortunately, this also makes the scones a prime target for any nearby mabari, who love cheese and bacon as much as any other Fereldan. Don't make my mistake! Take a moment to survey your surroundings before enjoying your first bite; otherwise, a four-legged someone might do the honors for you.

Crow Feed

You don’t see much rice outside of Antiva and its neighbor, Rivain. In fact, it’s an especially rare sight in Ferelden, where any grain is seemingly always either barley or wheat. Evidently, very little of the rice Antiva produces ends up being exported, making it relatively cheap compared to other grains. It’s no wonder, then, that rice is a key component in dishes favored by poorer Antivans. However, that doesn’t make them any less delicious! Take crow feed, for example - a simple dish of rice, butter, and onions named after the (in)famous Antivan Crows. Although it’s most certainly cheap, the taste is fit for a king!

Black Lichen Bread

No doubt your face is already creasing in trepidation. “But wait,” you think, “isn’t black lichen toxic?” And yes. Yes, it is. But high temperatures seem to largely neutralize the lichen’s toxicity, making it safe to consume. If you’re still concerned, you can easily substitute any surface varieties for the lichen used in this recipe. Just make sure to thoroughly dry it, as you would any lichen from underground. You can also use bark in place of lichen, but I think that defeats the point. This is supposed to be lichen bread, after all, not bark bread!

Hearth Cakes

Some lovely comfort food, courtesy of the Dalish. These cakes are traditionally made over the hearth on an iron griddle or skillet (hence the name). While the original recipe calls for halla butter, I’ve found that other types of butter work just as well. The resulting dough stays moist on the inside, but crisp and flaky on the outside. In other words: perfect. Although hearth cakes can be made plain, I recommend adding some dried fruit into the mix. Cranberries, raisins, and currants all work. I believe the Dalish simply use whatever is on hand. Of course, if you’re feeling a bit mischievous, you could mix in some hot peppers instead: Just be prepared to be cursed as loudly and vehemently as Fen’Harel, the Lord of Tricksters himself!

Peasant Bread

While traveling through Orlais, I spied this rustic and hearty bread being eaten by both Dalish and city elves alike. The recipe is very straightforward, calling for wheat, salt, and grease in nearly equal parts, and it produces a biscuit that feels like it would be right at home in any Fereldan dish. It does a wonderful job mopping up any last bits of stew left inside your bowl, but it also pairs well with a bit of butter and jam.

Soups and Stews

Merrill’s Blood Soup

In the same vein as Llomerryn red, this is not actually blood - it’s just red. The color comes from the beetroot, which gives the soup a rich, earthy flavor that goes well with the roasted chickpeas sprinkled on top. Some might find the vibrant crimson hue off-putting, in the same way many shun the practice of blood magic. However, as mages like Merrill have shown, I think it’s best to not judge by appearances or by what you think you know. Take the time to experience things for yourself, and you might find yourself pleasantly surprised!

Fereldan Potato and Leek Soup

Most people immediately think of Orlais when it comes to creamy soups, and I can’t blame them. However, as often as cream might appear in their cuisine, the Orlesians certainly don’t have a monopoly on it, whether in soup or otherwise. This dish is 100% Fereldan through and through, and the recipe I’ve noted here is actually Mum’s. Of course, I couldn’t help but put my own little twist on it. Instead of using a side of toasted bread to give the meal a necessary bit of crunch, I turned my attention abroad, settling on chickpeas from Rivain, toasted to crouton-like crispiness. In a way, this recipe is very much a reflection of me, now that my journey is coming to an end. While my origins are unmistakably Fereldan, my travels across Thedas have touched me in a lasting way, and I’m all the richer for it.

The Hanged Man’s Mystery Meat Stew

A famous dish from the Hanged Man tavern in Kirkwall - or infamous, I suppose, depending on your perspective. Personally, after having heard so much about it, I couldn’t wait to taste it, even if the establishment, as Fenris once so succinctly put it, smelled of sour ale, vomit, and desperation. Oh, yes. I can hear what you’re thinking. A Fereldan excited about yet another stew. How predictable. But this is the tavern’s feature dish! Why shouldn’t I be excited? It’s made from a different meat every morning. I suspect mine was pork, although after overhearing the waitress tell another patron that they hang people who ask stupid questions from the rafters, I declined to confirm.

Fish Chowder

As Antivan as it gets! A bowl of this thick, creamy soup will have you feeling like you’re in Antiva City. No need for any pickpockets, corrupt politicians, or Antivan leather to further enhance the experience - the word “enhance” being entirely debatable, of course. I can’t imagine that the smell of rotting flesh would do much for anyone’s appetite, though Zevran Arainai might disagree with me on that. Evidently, becoming an accomplished assassin can have a pronounced effect on one’s tastes. But if you ask me, this desire for rather unusual accompaniments is likely born of something much more universally understood: homesickness.

Sweet and Sour Cabbage Soup

This Fereldan staple is often more solid than liquid, filled to the brim with cabbage, tomatoes, and other vegetables. Paired with a thick slice of dark bread, it makes for a filling and satisfying meal, one guaranteed to leave you full of warmth for hours afterwards on even the coldest of days. A perfect fit for us Fereldans, you might think, but we aren’t the only ones who enjoy this soup on the regular. Apparently, there’s a troupe of actors in Orlais whose sole focus is a popular comedy set in the fictional Fereldan village of Wilkshire Downs. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to see it for myself, as the performance was sold out almost instantly. But in order to play their roles most convincingly, the actors went so far as to change their diets to match those of their characters. For example, there’s a mayor who specifically eats cabbage soup. Personally, I don’t think I’d enjoy subsisting only on cabbage soup for an extended period of time, but you can’t help but applaud them for their dedication to their craft!

Lentil Soup

Lentils and Onions - open any pantry across Thedas, and I’m certain you’ll find these two ingredients sitting on the shelves. They’re both relatively inexpensive and keep well for an extended period of time. Best of all, they go with pretty much anything! Still, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if these two Thedosian staples played a starring role instead of a supporting one. So I combined a recipe that’s popular in elven alienages with some classic Tevinter flavors to supply an answer to this question. And what a delicious answer it is!

Nettle Soup

I first encountered nettles as a child, when I tripped and fell face-first in a whole patch of them. Many tears were shed, along with a lecture from Mum to play elsewhere from now on. In short, it was far from a pleasant experience. So I was understandably dubious when confronted with the idea of using nettles as an ingredient in my cooking. How could something so painful to the touch be in any way edible, let alone pleasant on the tongue. Funnily enough, I didn’t even have to taste it to understand. Though I doubt she’d appreciate it, I immediately thought of Lady Morrigan. She is, in a word, prickly, much like a nettle. And yet, despite her oftentimes cruel manner, no one can deny that she’s done much for Thedas’s benefit, helping not just the Hero of Ferelden, but also the Inquisitor. She’s a perfect example of how first impressions are not always the most correct. So, yes, nettles are both incredibly nutritious and delicious, contrary to my expectations.

King Alistair’s Lamb and Pea Stew

Hearty, humble, and straightforward to make - the three key aspects of any good Fereldan stew. This is a dish so ubiquitous that it’s become almost synonymous with Fereldan cuisine in general. I’m certain you’ve heard many a clever quip about our stews, perhaps even from Fereldan! But let me be the first to assure you that, no, contrary to what King Alistair may have said, we don’t cook our ingredients until they’re all “a uniform grey color.” Throwing them into the largest pot we can find, on the other hand… …that much is true. If you’re going to make a stew, you might as well make a lot of it! Although Mum’s stews will always rule my heart, I’d be lying if I said this recipe - its namesake’s view on Fereldan stews aside - didn’t come close to stealing the crown. (Sorry, Mum!)

Main Courses

Stuffed Cabbage

Gathering is just as important as hunting for the Avvar. It’s like Mum said: You can’t live off only meat, and any meal without vegetables is a meal half-finished. Of course, I didn’t understand her reasoning as a child, especially one who was single-handedly waging a war against the green menace on my plate. But now that I’m older, I have a new appreciation for her words. Plus, with a bit of proper seasoning, and some meat, even the most unappealing of vegetables can be delicious.

Antivan Gnocchi

Phew! Antivan meals sure are something to behold - and, to think, for Antivan nobles like Lady Josephine, these decadent spreads are just another dinner! Every time I thought we’d reach the last course, another was swiftly brought out. After ten dishes full of ingredients like olives, truffles, pasta, and cream, it’s a wonder I didn’t have to be rolled away from the table! In retrospect, I probably overindulged in the gnocchi, which were dressed with leeks and a rich cheese sauce. While they’re delicious, these small lumps of wheat, flour, egg, salt, and potato are incredibly filling. Still, I cannot say I won’t repeat this mistake next time I find myself at an Antivan table - nor will I regret it if I do!

Antivan Paella

Bordered by the Rialto Bay to the east, Antiva is populated mostly on the coast. It’s no wonder, then, that seafood plays a  starring role in Antivan cuisine. There’s no dish that exemplifies this more than the classic Antivan paella. Rice, saffron, and a variety of seafood (from whole shrimp to cuttlefish to mussels) come together to create an aromatic smorgasbord of everything the ocean has to offer. Best of all, it’s all made in a single pot - truly a dish after my own stew-loving Fereldan heart, if King Alistair’s thoughts on Fereldan cuisine are to believed! Although paella is traditionally cooked in a shallow, wide pan called a paellera (or, more confusingly, a paella in certain regions of Antiva), it can be prepared in virtually any deep skillet. Be sure to pair your paella with a glass of wine - ideally, an Antivan vintage, according to Lady Josephine, whose opinion on such matters can certainly be trusted - for the full experience.

Grilled Poussin

The Chasind sure love their poussin. And who can blame them? I love it, too! It’s a great alternative to the roasted turkey one might normally trot out for guests - although, I admit, the length of the guest list will likely be the deciding factor here. A poussin is a significantly smaller bird, after all, and as much as we might love the kitchen, sometimes we must be economical in our choices. Still, for a more intimate dinner party, you can’t go wrong with this dish! Although the Chasind typically cook poussin in a large pot over an open fire for an extended period of time, a similar effect can be achieved with any other cookware of suitable size and an oven. Marinating and basting the meat to keep it moist. That’s the secret to a meat so tender that it practically falls off the bone!

Gurgut Roast with Lowlander Spices and Mushroom Sauce

It was spring when I trudged through the Frostbacks on my way toward one of the many Avvar settlements that populate the area. As this is the time of year when the Avvar begin preparing for the following winter by smoking meat, pickling vegetables, and drying fruit, I thought it an ideal time to visit and observe. Unfortunately, springtime is also the gurgut’s mating season. As a result, I nearly discovered firsthand why travelers are advised to keep their distance from these brightly colored beasts. Luckily, a nearby group of Avvar hunters quickly came to my aid, and I was spared the indignity of beating at the beast with a ladle. In an expression of my thanks, I shared with them several jars of spices from home, which they happily accepted. These Lowlander spices are prized among the Avvar and often reserved for feasts are rare delicacies. What unparalleled good fortune, then, that I later had the opportunity to dine on the slain gurgut, now roasted and seasoned with the spices I had gifted, at the hunters’ hold.

Nug Pancakes

Although some see nugs only as pets, they are edible. In fact, nugs constitute a key part of dwarven cuisine, so much so that Varen, the first dwarf to attempt eating a nug - albeit out of desperation - became a paragon for his culinary discovery! I'd liken the flavor to a cross between pork and rabbit. Very tender, especially when roasted. But of all the nug-based dishes I've sampled, my favorite is still the nug pancakes (with nug-gets coming in a close second). I've noted down the recipe here and recommend you give it a try! Of course, if you cannot bring yourself to eat nug, other meats can be substituted in its place.

Fish in Salt Crust

The Avvar are generally rather utilitarian in their cooking methods - lots of stews, which I can hardly find fault with. But holds by lakes and rivers have a unique way of cooking fish. Instead of using a pan, they’ll wrap the fish in pungent leaves and salt, then leave it baking all day over banked coals. Like a stew, this method of preparation does not require constant attention. In addition, the salt helps keep moisture inside the fish, which turns the flesh creamy and tender. Plus, there’s a great deal of fun to be had when cracking the salt open! It adds a level of drama that I’m sure even the Orlesians would appreciate.

Roasted Wyvern

Having made their home in the inhospitable Frostbacks, the Avvar live on whatever they can glean from the land, hunting all manner of beasts, from harts and rams to large creatures like lurkers and gurguts - sometimes even wyverns! But take care! Although wyvern can be delicious, if they’re not prepared correctly, they’re devastatingly poisonous, a consequence of their venomous nature. I’ve made sure to include detailed instructions. I’m no Antivan Crow like Zevran Arainai, after all; the last thing I want is for anyone to be poisoned via dinner!

Nug Bacon and Egg Pie

Ever since I heard about Sister Leliana keeping a nug as a companion, I’ve desperately longed for a Schmooples of my own. Of course, as adorable as nugs are, allowing them anywhere near a fully stocked kitchen is a recipe for disaster. You’d think that after seeing Mum nearly lose her mind trying to keep the Hero of Ferelden’s mabari out of her larder, I’d be a touch more aware of the security of my own roasts. And yet…that cute face… Suffice it to say, I discovered firsthand just how voracious these little omnivores can be. These days, the closest thing to a nug in my house is this traditional Fereldan farmer’s pie.

Starkhaven Fish and Egg Pie

In some ways, this famous pie mirrors its namesake. Not only is it almost oval in shape, but it’s also stuffed to the brim with fish from the Minanter River, lending the impression that it, like the city of Starkhaven, sits perched upon the river’s bounty. But where the city is crowned with solid rings of tall, gray stone, this pie has a light, flaky crust that, I imagine, is far kinder on one’s teeth –not to mention, far tastier! As beautiful as Starkhaven is, with its lavish estates and fountains, I’d much rather take a bite of one of its pies instead. Of course, if Starkhaven’s prince were on offer as well… just kidding! I’d still take the pie. Given Sebastain Vael’s popularity, though, I might be alone in this decision.

Cacio e Pepe

A classic Antivan dish that graces the tables of both rich and poor alike. Composed of three pain ingredients – pasta, cheese, and pepper – cacio e pepe is delightfully simple. And yet, it is also very easy to get wrong, as I quickly discovered. The sauce must be smooth, not clumpy, a surprisingly tall ask when your tools are dry cheese and water. But do not despair! This skill, like all others, can be learned, and with a bit of practice, you too will be able to make a sauce that even the most scrutinizing of Antivan grandmothers can’t help but approve of. And let me tell you, that nod of approval is worth every ounce of struggle. So let me be the first to offer it to you, as Mum did for me when I was a child helping her in the kitchen: I’m so proud of you for persevering!

Turnip and Mutton Pie

I already know what you’re thinking. A Fereldan about to extol the virtues of turnips? Of course! They’re a wonderful little root vegetable, capable of being prepared any number of ways–whether boiled, stir-fried, roasted, steamed, or mashed–and even eaten raw! Although they certainly make a great addition to any stew, for now, I’d like to introduce you to the wonders of turnips in pies.

This particular pie is a classic Fereldan dish served at taverns across the kingdom. Tender chunks of lamb and turnip are enveloped in a buttery crust that, together, never fail to put a smile on my face. It doesn’t matter how cold or miserable the day is. None of that is any match for a belly full of warm, rich, turnipy goodness. Even just the smell alone is a comfort that no other food could ever hope to match. And although you could certainly evoke it by throwing a bushel of turnips into the fire, as Cole once did, I think putting them in a pie is a much tastier idea.

Smoked Ham from the Anderfels

Contrary to what the rumors (or perhaps just the importers) would have you believe, this ham does not taste of despair - whatever flavor that might be. Although the Anderfels are largely ill-suited for farming, pigs do surprisingly well there, in spite of the notoriously inhospitable climate. As a result, ham from the Anderfels is generous in size and, when glazed, makes for a delicious meal. In terms of glazes, my personal favorite is made from a combination of apples and apricots. However, I’ve heard that one glaze, in particular, made from wildflowers, can turn a smoked ham as hard as jade! Not at all suitable for eating, but I imagine it would pack quite the punch, especially in the hands of a warrior like Divine Victoria!

Roasted Turkey with Sides

If you're attending the Prince of Starkhaven's birthday celebration or any dinner party in the Free Marches, chances are, you'll find this feast waiting for you. The roasted turkey, cooked to golden-brown perfection, sits surrounded by a host of different sides, creating a picturesque scene that's certain to impress everyone lucky enough to secure an invite. Unsurprisingly, this culinary tableau is far from a quick-and-easy meal. The chef who prepared the rendition I enjoyed in Kirkwall informed me - after much persuasion - that the turkey alone took hours to prepare. Add a few sides, and there goes most of the day, especially if you don't have a full kitchen staff to assist you! Unfortunately, I discovered this the hard way when I later attempted to put this recipe into practice. By the time everything was properly cooked and ready, it was late into the evening - well past dinnertime, even in Antiva, where dinner is usually a late-night affair. So take my advice, and budget more time than you think you need. Also be sure to invite some friends! This is definitely a meal that's meant to be shared, which, in my opinion, makes it the best kind!

Sides

Sera’s Yummy Corn

This recipe is simple, yet strict. No wraps. No non-yellow corn. Peel halfway, then wash and cook; peel again, and eat. Personally I think other varieties of corn would work just fine - I agree with checking for rot, of course - but the suggestion was met with such disgust from Sera that, well, I couldn’t bring myself to try it. Also, while the original recipe advises acquiring the ingredients through less-than-honorable means, let me assure you that merchant-bought corn is absolutely fine. Friends of Red Jenny can, of course, pilfer a few ears from an undeserving noble, as usual.

Stuffed Vine Leaves

The first thing I did upon arriving in the Tevinter Imperium was head for the nearest tavern and order this classic Tevinter appetizer. These tender leaves are stuffed with rice, herbs, and sometimes minced meat. When topped with a bit of lemon juice and a dollop of tzatziki sauce, they’re sure to leave you in a state of bliss with just a single bite. In my case, I was so enchanted by the delicious flavors that I didn’t even notice the commotion outside! Apparently, there was a disagreement between a magister and another magister’s son - about what, I couldn’t say. After all, I was too busy eating!

Honey Carrots

In much the same way as the Inquisition is to the Inquisitor, a meal is more than just a main course. Sides form an equal part of the equation and deserve just as much care and attention as the dish they’re served alongside. It’s a lesson Mum taught me long ago and one I haven’t forgotten since. So of course, I noticed when this Orlesian staple made an appearance. It graced my table not once, not twice, but every single time I dined in Orlais. And while I enjoyed the traditional Orlesian rendition of this dish - which is on the sweeter side, thanks to a liberal application of honey - those who prefer a level of sweetness more in line with a carrot’s natural flavor should employ a lighter touch.

Nevarran Flat Bread and Yogurt Dip

There’s something supremely satisfying about a tall stack of Nevarran flat bread - and I don’t just mean in an aesthetic sense. Of course, being pleasing to the eye is certainly a consideration. This is a Nevarran dish, after all. But the process of being able to go from dough to ready-to-eat bread in minutes reaches a whole level of satisfaction on its own, especially if you’re used to waiting hours for a loaf to finish baking! Best off all, this bread can be eaten in a variety of different ways, whether on its own, brushed with oil, or as a vehicle for an assortment of dips. Personally, I’d love to try it with a good stew from home one day.

Sweet Delights

Blancmange

When translated literally from Orlesian, blancmange means “white eating,” which, I suppose, is pretty accurate. This dish is a white pudding made with either milk or heavy cream that’s been thickened. On its own, it possesses a relatively mild sweetness–particularly by Orlesian standards. But that’s because it’s generally served with various toppings, such as a red grape compote, to amplify the dish’s sweet flavors. The toppings are also a great way to decorate an otherwise plain-looking dessert. I’ve seen everything from designs composed of toasted almonds to ribbons of fresh mango. There’s really no limit to what you can do!

If you’re looking for a particularly elegant option, you need only turn to Lady Vivienne for guidance. After all, she’s the veritable queen of style, no matter the medium. When it comes to blancmange, her preferred arrangement remains true to the dish’s name, offering a pristine white-on-white tableau of white chocolate curls and whole jasmine flowers. The result is gorgeous on its own, but when served on a dark plate, it looks all the more stunning!

As stunning as that is, I prefer to add a cherry sauce to top the dish.

Poison Stings

Traveling is exhausting, as I’ve recently discovered. Even if you’re just sitting in a carriage, it can often feel like you’re walking every step of the way. Thankfully, I’m not the first to take long journeys across Thedas. Dorian Pavus traveled all the way from Tevinter to Ferelden in order to join the Inquisition - and rather quickly, at that! His secret? Chocolate-coated orange peels, colloquially known as poison stings. They’re sweet and sour, crunchy and chewy, and are certain to perk you right up whenever you’re starting to feel a bit worn down.

Dalish Forest Fruit Cobbler

Mum always knew there’s no greater comfort than a warm slice of cobbler - and the Dalish know it too! The first time I had a bite of this dessert, it was like sitting in Mum’s kitchen all over again, letting the simple pleasure of her baking wash away the day’s troubles. Hard to feel the sting of a skinned knee or a lost game when your belly is full of warm, gooey goodness, no? Although Mum usually made her cobblers with strawberries and rhubarb - only the stems, of course, as the leaves are poisonous - you can follow the Dalish’s lead and use whatever forest fruit is currently in season.

Dwarven Plum Jam

One of the great joys of this journey has been the sheer variety of foods I’ve encountered. However, there are certain places that, by nature of their climate or simply location, offer little in the way of choice when it comes to locally produced foods. The dwarven city of Orzammar is one such place.

Though it is underground, the city is by no means isolated, and trade with the surface has ensured that foods from above ground have soared to great heights of popularity below. Jam, particularly that made from plums, seems to be in especially high demand. The price, however, was enough to make my eyes water! It’s no surprise that only the wealthiest and most influential residents of Orzammar can afford it.

That’s not to say the rest of the city’s population is doomed to live in a jamless existence! While in Orzammar, I spoke to a local jam maker who, rather than purchase the jams directly from merchants, has opted to import only the individual components. They hope that, by making the actual preserves themselves, they can sell their product for a much more reasonable price. And the results, I dare say, were very sweet.

Sour Cherries in Cream

Imagine that you, like me, are at a dinner party in Orlais. You’ve just finished polishing off the second-to-last course, the latest in a long slew of extravagance, and you’re starting to realize that perhaps you overindulged earlier in the evening. But how could you not? The food was just so good. Now there’s only dessert left, and your stomach feels like it’s about to burst. At this point, you cannot imagine how you’ll manage to choke down whatever tower of sugar and cream awaits you in the kitchens. All you know is you have to. You cannot be rude to your host, after all. What a relief, then, when dessert finally arrives, and you’re presented with a small bowl filled with black cherries dressed in sweet cherry sauce and whipped cream. Evidently, even the Orlesians are sometimes in need of lighter fare. And so the night ends, with stomachs still intact and no offense caused. A happy ending for all!

Treviso Energy Balls

As a Fereldan, I’m no stranger to hardship. The Fifth Blight took much from us, but the darkspawn are hardly the sole cause of suffering in Thedas. Take Treviso, a port city in northern Antiva, for example: Treviso was captured and liberated several times during both the Qunari Wars and the New Exalted Marches. As you can imagine, during times of occupation, food was scarce, and those living in the city had to make do with the limited ingredients they still had. Of course, people can be remarkably creative, particularly in difficult times. You need only look to the work Anders did in his clinic in Darktown to know that much. And so the Treviso energy ball was born, combining peanut butter, oats, and dried fruit into a bite-sized treat that’s just bursting with energy! Perfect for when you’re out sabotaging weapon caches - or just taking a hike.

Rice Pudding

I assumed a mercenary would be paid in gold. But according to the second-in-command of the Bull’s Chargers, this is not always the case! One time, he, the Iron Bull, and five other Chargers defended a village from fifty bandits, an awe-inspiring feat by anyone’s measure. I certainly listened in slack-jawed amazement as Krem recounted the tale. How incredible they must have been! If only I could’ve seen it for myself. Ahem. In any case, once the bandits were defeated and it came time for the Chargers to collect on the payment they were owed, instead of receiving a sack of gold, they got several bags of rice. When I asked what they did with all this rice, Krem only shrugged and said, “When life gives you rice, make rice pudding.” I don’t believe truer words were ever spoken!

Goat Custard

You’ll find custards all across Thedas in a dizzying number of variations. I sourced this particular recipe from Rivain, where it has gained great popularity as a dessert. The custard is made from goat’s milk and studded with roasted figs to add a touch of sweetness to the dish’s overall richness. If you’d like to further enhance the dish’s sweet flavors, milk from the Ayesleigh gulabi goat can be used, as it boasts a natural sweetness that makes it prized by custard connoisseurs everywhere.

Baked Goods

Antivan Apple Grenade

It’s no secret that I delight in creative presentation when it comes to food. Whether it’s a crab cake designed to look like a crab or a dish featuring a fish peeking its head out of a pie, the extra touches are all certain to leave me clapping my hands with glee. Thankfully, this Antivan dessert nails it on both counts! Its name comes from the fact it resembles the fire grenades reportedly used by the Antivan Crows assassins - not just in shape, but also in heat! I discovered that part for myself the hard way, when I bit into the piping-hot apple at the center of these sweet pastry bundles with a touch too much enthusiasm.

Found Cake

The Hero of Ferelden’s mabari is very good at finding items. One time he even brought back a cake! As I understand it, the cake in question was a chocolate cream variety, topped with white frosting and fresh strawberries. Of course, I had to try my hand at reproducing it, and I think the results are sure to delight. I did, however, make the decision to omit the few flecks of drool that apparently clung to the original. As much as we love our mabari in Ferelden, I don’t think their spittle makes for a very appetizing ingredient. Not even Teyrn Loghain, who, I would argue, is far more tolerant of mabari drool than I, is liable to enjoy a cake that’s become intimately acquainted with the inside of a mabari’s mouth.

Varric’s Favorite Cinnamon Rolls

When you hear the tales of Thedas's heroes, what you don't always hear are the silly names Varric Tethras called them. Some of them more fitting - Blondie, Curly, Ruffles, Broody - and others a little more...ironic. Tiny? Chuckles? I can easily imagine his amusement at the exasperation of those around him, but that's Varric for you. He can disarm you with his humor and charm (or quite literally, through his spy network). I'll tell you a secret, though-I think he has a soft spot for the soft heroes. "Daisy" for Merrill, "Sunshine" for Bethany, "Kid" for Cole. I've even heard rumors that there was a kind, appeasing hero he called "Waffles". And "Waffles" is just on short step away from him calling someone a "Cinnamon Roll," which I've heard is one of his favorite sweets. (Some of those heroes would decidedly deserve that nickname, too.) I whipped up a batch of cinnamon rolls while thinking on it, and I believe they're the perfect treat to have while listening to him spin you a tale. Warm, sweet, comforting- the kind of treat not for listening to Hard in Hightown, but for hours spent reminiscing.

Croissants

The Orlesians certainly know how to make a good pastry! It’s no wonder Lady Vivienne starts off her day with one of these, the most well-known of all Orlesian pastries and, in my humble opinion, the most delicious. But, by Andraste, these little crescents are a lot of work to make! In order to achieve that wonderfully flaky texture croissants are known for, the dough is layered with butter and then rolled and folded several times over before being rolled into a thin sheet. It’s times like these when I wish I had a strong companion like the Iron Bull or Commander Cullen to take over the duties with the rolling pin. Anything to spare my arms the indignity of being reduced to limp noodles!

Cherry Cupcake

These delightful little cakes are decadence in bite-sized form, as pleasing to the eye as they are the tongue. Although they were served alongside other sweets, carried from one private box to the next by a servant on stilts at the Tevinter theater, I was so enchanted by the pink color that I barely noticed what else was on offer. It was only after I’d had a cupcake (or four) that I heard these tiny cakes were once used as a vehicle for deadly poisons! Thankfully, my cupcakes were poison free, and so is the recipe I now pass on to you.

Chocolate Cake

I didn’t have to travel very far to get my hands on this recipe. In fact, I didn’t need to travel at all! This cake is actually one of Mum’s recipes. She baked it for the first time on my tenth name-day, and it made for a sweet celebration that not another name-day passed without me begging for an encore. Thankfully, Mum was kind enough to indulge me, even though, more times than not, she already had her hands full with the Couslands’ meals. And so whenever I think about her love for me, this cake inevitably sits front and center in my mind. It therefore seems only fitting to include here.

Varric’s Favorite Pastries

Leave a plate of pastries, fresh from the oven, to cool on a windowsill, and you might soon find a certain member of House Tethras lurking nearby. It’s unsurprising, given that the man’s first thought when it came to renaming the Bone Pit was apparently “the pie fields.” I can’t blame him, of course. I, too, love a good pastry, whether it be biscuit, roll, or bun. And after an extensive consultation with the famed arbalist himself, I’ve put together this sample, which is sure to delight! But whether you choose to leave them within dwarf’s reach well, that is entirely up to you.

Sugar Cake

There’s often joy in simplicity, as illustrated by this humble cake, which is topped with a sweet mixture of butter, sugar, and almonds. I purchased one off a surface dwarf merchant who assured me that it would be well received by any companion. According to him, even the Hero of Ferelden purchased a few for this very purpose. Of course, for me, traveling alone, this cake isn’t as much a gift as it is a perfect pick-me-up after a long day of travel. But perhaps one day, I’ll have a beloved companion to bake this cake for.

Lamprey Cake

The lamprey is one of Thedas’s more unique-looking creatures, with its long, slender body and toothed, suction-cup mouth. It’s also one that’s seldom found in the kitchen. Unless, of course, the kitchen belongs to Lord Norbert de la Haine, whose fondness for pickled lampreys was just as unfortunate as his desire to conquer the Free Marches.

Given that Lord de la Haine’s tastes were rather singular, it’s better, I think, to bring the lamprey to the dinner table in spirit only. Rest assured, you’ll find none of its noxious flavors in this cake. I’ve limited myself to merely borrowing its shape.

Tevinter Pumpkin Bread

Granted, I didn’t need much tempting to visit Tevinter. After all, how else was I going to sample Dorian Pavus’s favorites? But if I did require some convincing, these wonderful treats would certainly do the trick! Best of all, because the ingredients are so limited, I can share this recipe with more people than ever - provided, of course, I don’t eat the whole pan myself.

Drinks

Lichen Ale

Deep underground, food is easily defined. So long as it’s edible and capable of being scavenged, it’ll eventually find its way into someone’s stomach. That being said, the surface dweller’s understanding of the word edible may not exactly align with that of an Orzammar dwarf. The best illustration of this is lichen ale, the drink of choice among the dwarves in Dust Town. Put simply, it is toxic, and I do mean that in the literal sense. In sufficient quantities, it can even overpower the heartiest of dwarven constitutions. As a result, the rest of us must approach this drink with caution. Although most can tolerate a few sips without issues, I think we’d all much rather enjoy a full glass of any beverage–particularly when we’ve made it ourselves. I, therefore, took it upon myself to devise my own rendition of lichen ale, using the dwarven recipe as a base. Now we can all enjoy the look and (most) of the flavors of the original without fear of poisoning ourselves in the process!

The Hissing Drake

During my visit to the Gilded Horn, I chanced upon a group of young men engaged in a contest of sorts. The goal? To drink as many Hissing Drakes as possible in quick succession, with the person who drank the most being crowned victor. Evidently, they’d already had a few drinks before the idea occurred to them, as no sober individual would dare down more than a single glass of the stuff at a time due to its fiery effects on the stomach. In fact, when it comes to ill-advised drinking contests, I’d say this one is a close second to the game Admiral Isabela once played, with participants drinking based on the number of enemies they had. Suffice it to say, that one killed a man. Thankfully, in this case, no one died. But I think the young men managed only two or three servings before they were forced to rush for the nearest balcony, where they were promptly divested of all their pride and bluster. I have no doubt that next time the urge to compete takes hold, they’ll follow my advice and choose a soothing Fereldan ale instead.

Hot Chocolate

Varric isn’t the only one who loves sweets. And, no, I’m not talking about myself; I’m talking about the Iron Bull! Hot chocolate is a particular favorite of his, to the point that it’s practically a necessity. Although the cocoa powder he swears by is sometimes difficult to find, it’s well worth the effort. Add hot milk and some Orlesian guimauves like the Iron Bull does, and you’ll have a drink that’s certain to please. Personally, I’m partial to topping it all off with a bit of whipped cream dusted with cinnamon, but there are many ways to dress up a cup of hot chocolate.

Antivan Sip-Sip

I was warned that this particular drink packs a bit of a bunch. More than “a bit,” I’ll say. Anyone capable of downing an entire glass of this is made of sterner stuff than I! I could scarcely manage more than a small sip each time I brought this to my lips - and that was with the added help of a tall glass of water! Perhaps that’s why it’s called a sip-sip - because each sip of it must be chased by a sip of something else.

Dragon Piss

I really hope the name is figurative. It probably is - or, at least, that’s what I’ll tell myself now that I’ve sampled this less-than-enticingly-named drink. Perhaps the name Dragon Breath would suit it better? After all, it certainly burns like a dragon’s breath - both in the glass and on the way down!

Rivaini Tea Blend

A cup of tea is often the perfect accompaniment for any sweet treat, although it can certainly be enjoyed on its own. Personally, I’d still prefer the added biscuit on the side. Not just because I like desserts–I do, of course–but because it’s great fun deciding which to pair with all the various blends.

When it comes to tea blends, the most famous is probably the classic Rivaini tea blend, a mixture of peppermint, lemon verbena, oregano, and licorice root. It’s a wonderfully soothing combination that’s said to have healing properties. In fact, I believe Empress Celene Valmont I of Orlais takes it throughout the day to alleviate headaches. Given how messy Orlesian politics are wont to be, with chevalier cousins vying for the throne and elven handmaids turned both spymaster and lover, I imagine there must be a pot of the stuff boiling at all times.

The Golden Nug

From the name, I expected this drink to be gold, but it’s actually pink! Evidently, inspiration was drawn from the living creature rather than the golden statue I passed in Haven (of which I’ve heard there is more than one). A base of white Seleney wine sweetened with a splash of West Hill Brandy dilutes the color of the pomegranate juice and mulled raspberries into a softer, pinkish hue. The goal is to imitate the color of a typical nug, after all, not a severely sunburnt one!

The Emerald Valley

The sisters of the Chantry truly make some marvelous creations - namely, the spirit used in this drink. Distilled from over seventy different herbs and flowers, it has a complex, varied flavor positively bursting with all the freshness of an emerald-green valley.

Chasind Sack Mead

After having sampled some Chasind Wildwine, I wasn’t surprised to learn that their mead is equally strong. Some might even call it brutal. For me, the flavors are almost poetic. First, there’s a nearly overwhelming rush of honey, tinged with the sour-sweetness of apple blossoms, that fills the mouth with all the bright warmth of a summer’s day. But as the initial sweetness fades, there comes an unexpected bitterness, reminiscent of the slow decay into fall, then winter. In essence, the turning of the seasons, all in a single cup - well, sack (although you can certainly fancy it up with a stunning decanter, as I’ve done here).

[frommybookbook]

The Grass is Greener (1960)

I watched The Grass is Greener (1960) over the weekend and I can't stop thinking about it.

For starters, I watched it purely for the cast. I didn't even bother to read the description, I saw Robert Mitchum and Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr and Jean Simmons and I was in. In hindsight, I'm actually really glad I didn't read the plot ahead of time, going it without an agenda was perfect for this one. And for that reason, I'm going to put the rest of this under the cut because I'm going to completely spoil the plot.

The general plot of the movie is: Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr are a married, titled British couple who have begun allowing tours of their family estate to keep the lights on; Robert Mitchum is an American oil millionaire who gets nosy on the regular tour and decides to barge into the family's private quarters, where he meets Kerr. Over the course of about 10 minutes, they get to chatting, he's very flirty, and they share a pretty passionate kiss. Grant then arrives and the afternoon is over...until Kerr decides to go to London to "get her hair done" and ends up staying for a week having an affair with Mitchum. Simmons plays Kerr's best friend, whom she stays with in London and who decamps to the family home to see how Grant is holding up.

That last part is important: everyone in this movie knows exactly what's happening with Mitchum and Kerr from the very beginning. Grant can see the moment he walks into the room that this stranger is into his wife and that his wife is intrigued. Simmons knows that Kerr isn't spending any time at her apartment, she's spending it with Mitchum.

Everything comes to a head when Grant, in a display of passive aggression that would make generations of Midwestern church ladies proud, calls Mitchum and invites him to come back out to the house for the weekend. Oh, and while he's at it, would he mind giving his wife a ride home, she's been in London all week too, you see.

From there we have the world's most awkward dinner party, a legitimate duel at midnight in the estate's long hallway, and a genuinely keeps-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat questioning of who Deborah Kerr is going to choose.

And it's this denouement that makes this such a wonderful movie and has it rattling around in my brain days later. Weirdly, and wonderfully, no one in this movie is treated as a villain! This is a story about love and adultery and passion and complacency and everyone just gets to be human.

It would be so easy for Deborah Kerr's character to be treated as a harlot and a whore and a loose woman for seeking out an affair with another man. It would be so easy for Robert Mitchum's character to be simply made a homewrecker and an aggressive American jackass and a playboy for showing clear interest and affection for a married woman. Cary Grant's character could have so easily been made out to be the cold, distant, unloving husband who drove his wife away. And yet none of that happens.

All of these characters are treated sympathetically and respectfully. I spent the whole time rooting for all of them and feeling conflicted every way about who I wanted Kerr to choose. It felt real and honest and like something that wouldn't be told in 2024.

Plus it was absolutely hilarious. Because as poignant as this was, it was also so damn funny. Cary Grant still had so many opportunities to break out the slapstick and prat falls and quippy one liners. Deborah Kerr and Robert Mitchum got to trade dry repartee, and don't get me started on Jean Simmons. Jean Simmons absolutely stole the show as the somewhat flighty, airheaded, divorced best friend and I couldn't stop laughing every time she was on the screen. I'd never seen her do comedy before and it was just incredible.

So, yeah, go watch The Grass is Greener.

[empathiie]

plotting/starter call for the hwminievent6! under the cut are my characters, their dates, and their vibes for the night. 💗 capping the starters at four per character for now!

abby anderson -- blind date with josie saltzman. (1/4) urumi akamaki.

abby will be on a blind date with josie. abby is still getting used to a world that's normal and not post-apocalyptic, so they may be a bit uncomfortable at first only to open up later in the night.

alicia clark -- blind date with adam torres. (1/4) ramona flowers.

alicia will be on a blind date with adam. she is more outgoing and willing to enjoy herself at an event like this, so she'll probably have a fun time; making the most of the night.

bella swan -- blind date with brinna javik. (1/4) alice cullen.

bella will be on a blind date with brinna. even though she's a generally awkward person, she's eager to spend the evening with someone new and go outside of her comfort zone.

beth washington -- open to a date. (2/4) emily davis, max lightwood.

beth is actually excited for this event. i'd love to see her go with someone or find someone to spend the majority of the event with! she will be enjoying the party and wishing that she at least had her brother or sister there with her.

bigby wolf -- attending with snow white. (1/4) danika fendyr.

bigby is attending with snow. he won't exactly be in Big Bad Wolf Mode, but he'll be protective of her, of course, and will be on the lookout for any trouble or chaos that might happen during the event.

dora tonks -- blind date with bb-8. (2/4) eloise bridgerton, hagrid.

dora will be on a blind date with bb-8. she's actually looking forward to this blind date and getting to meet new people, even if the vibe of the event is ~romantic~. she'll also want to be seeing her friends and family and may even introduce them to her date.

draco malfoy -- going solo. (4/4) rabastan lestrange, hermione granger, harry potter, scorpius malfoy.

draco is going solo. but he has big feelings for lee jordan, and will probably spend most of the night bickering with him about complete and utter nonsense. also, he'll probably be drinking. a lot.

garrett -- attending with kate. (1/4) irina.

garrett is attending with kate. he loves a good party and will be making the most of it, socializing and getting to know other vampires. he won't be paying as much attention to the humans, given his current circumstances.

jyn erso -- attending with cassian andor. (3/4) ellie williams, ansel of briarcliff, sha hualing.

jyn is attending with cassian. she's still a bit wary of washington itself, having heard of the craziness that occasionally takes place here. cassian is her safe place, so she'll want to stay by his side.

louis weasley -- attending with wednesday addams. (2/4) fleur delacour, bill weasley.

louis is attending with wednesday. and in all honesty, he probably dragged her to the event kicking and screaming. he's looking forward to spending the evening with her, and showing her off to all of his friends and family. he knows how to have a good time, and will make sure that he does, as long as he has wednesday by his side.

luna lovegood -- attending with neville longbottom. (2/4) cho chang, lee hongjo.

luna is attending with neville. she's incredibly excited to go, having a deep love for most holidays. she will be all dolled up and is excited to see everyone!

maggie greene rhee -- going solo. (1/4) rosita espinosa.

maggie is going solo. however, she'll probably stay close to glenn, since he IS her husband, after all. she'll also want to make sure that no trouble arises. she does love valentine's day and will be enjoying herself at the same time, though she won't get crazy with it. she just wants to have fun on her mom's night out!

mike schmidt -- open to a date. (2/4) charlotte dilaurentis, jester lavorre.

mike isn't super eager to be attending the valentine's day event, honestly. he hasn't had a lot of romance in his life, which is part of why he plans on going alone. i'd love to have a date for him, though, to enjoy the night with! he's a big softy on the inside, and would be sweet to spend time with once he gets past his shyness.

rey palpatine -- attending with fred weasley ii. (3/4) samara palpatine, leia organa, han solo.

rey is attending with fred. she is super excited to get to know them better and to spend more time with them, especially at an event like this. she'll also be checking in with her friends and family to make sure that they're having a good time, too.

rhaenyra targaryen -- attending with harwin strong. (2/4) lidia cervos, penelope garcia.

rhaenyra is attending with harwin. they're ready for a night out away from the kids, though they love their children, a date night with their husband is very much needed.

theon greyjoy -- attending with sansa stark. (2/4) ridoc, filippa kosta.

theon is attending with sansa. and will be spending the majority of the event by her side. he's a little bit on the reserved side and will want to stay within his comfort zone, which is with sansa or other people that he knows.

will graham -- going solo. (1/4) yennefer.

will is going solo. despite this, he may gravitate towards someone that he feels a connection with. however, he will likely spend most of the night alone, or at least ~trying~ to socialize.

[hello-nichya-here]

Just watched final episodes of Buffy and my spuffy heart is insanely happy about Spike's speech in touched and how Buffy finally seems to understand just how much she means to him.

And you right, the Bangel kiss was so forced and Buffy basically told him to get out of her show 'cause she had a new man lmaoooo

Spuffy in "Touched" is on a whole other level of greatness. Everything about Spike's speech to Buffy is perfect.

For starters, Spike told off everyone for being absolute dicks to Buffy and daring to kick her out of her own home and wander through a completely apocalyptic Sunnydale by herself. Not wanting to go along with her plan was one thing, but stabbing her in the back like that was horrible - and Spike calling them a bunch of sad traitors was PERFECT (plus, him giving Giles a piece of his mind after the plot to kill him was so satisfying).

Spike is just so sweet to Buffy during the entire conversation - with the ocasional "You're insufferable for not believing how awesome you are" and "Want me to kill Faith for you? 'Cause I would totally kill Faith for you."

(Compared to the time Angel told Buffy to get out of his show because he had a new slayer girlfriend, and it's just soooo clear who Buffy and Angel should be dating instead of each other XD)

The most important part of the speech is not even how it makes Buffy understand the depth of Spike's love for her, but how, like he said, he truly understands her like no one else did.

"I love what you are, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength, I've seen the absolute best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy"

Spike was Buffy's sworn enemy, reluctant ally, willing ally and supportive friend, toxic boyfriend, sweet boyfriend she mistreated, and now he is her champion, the one that will help her save the world - again. OF COURSE he knows her in a way nobody else did.

Him calling her "the one" - both as in "his one true love" and "the chosen one" - is also perfect, because Buffy's entire conflict is feeling she will never have a fullfiling life, with meaningful relationships, because, like the first slayer said "The slayer doesn't walk this world" and "death is your gift." She fears she's too much of a hero to be a person.

And then in comes Spike. The dude that regularly calls her just "Slayer." The guy she's treated worse than she ever treated anyone else (including herself, which is saying a lot) BECAUSE of her struggly to deal with being the Slayer AND in love with anyone, let alone a souless vampire.

And he just embraces both sides of her. The kind, vulnerable girl longing for connection. The ruthless, powerful hero that doesn't need anyone. He LOVES both sides of her.

But, more importantly, said love is at it's most selfless on that moment.

"I'm not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it's not 'cause I want you, or 'cause I can't have you. It's got nothing to do with me"

It doesn't matter that Buffy isn't perfect, that she mistreated him in the past, that she feels she doesn't deserve him. Hell, it doesn't even matter if she can't reciprocate Spike's feelings (even though we know she does). He still loves her, and his love will always be hers regardless of anything and everything.

Spike is being incredibly honest and vulnerable in this scene - and it allows Buffy to finally accept not only his love for her, but to give him her heart too.

I've already said over and over that I don't think Seeing Red worked, but my God, it is such a big deal to have Buffy ask Spike to come to bed with her after it, especially since the episode deliberately compares it too all the other couples in the show having sex. It's the proof that she has not only forgiven him, but also managed to fully trust him to never hurt her again (remember her saying to Giles "You sent away the one person who's been watching my back" and her chosing him as her champion instead of Angel).

But THE thing that makes me insane about this moment, and that the Spuffy fandom surprisingly doesn't talk about nearly enough, is the implications of their conversation about their night of cuddles.

Everyone is always going on and on about how that was the best night of Spike's life, and how that would have been his moment of "perfect happiness" if he was under the same curse as Angel - yet I haven't seen nearly enough people going crazy over tha fact that Buffy then confirms to Spike that SHE FELT THE SAME WAY, IT MEANT JUST AS MUCH AS IT DID TO HIM.

Buffy went through hell that night, as being pushed away by all of her loved ones confirmed her worst fears - and it was still what led to her moment of "perfect happiness" just because Spike was there to support her through it all. She even goes as far as saying she only got the weapon that will help her defeat the bad guy because of the strength Spike gave her that night.

Also, the way she gently touches his face during that talk, AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Anyways, they are soulmates and if you don't agree, you're wrong.

[carlostck]

Cowboy AU original plot changes!!! This is more for myself to keep track lol Definitely going to be edited a few times, and that will be because this is very much open to any feedback or additional ideas!!

cut since it will get long

Alright, for starters, a handful of things will change!! This post is more dedicated to more major plot changes rather than the actual story

- I considered changing the name for spinjiztu (and all related) because there is a culture shift and it's a little weird to keep "spinjiztu"? But I'm lazy so we're sticking with that as a name now...

- The geography will be different, more diverse regions and whatnot. This AU will focus on the Southwest, however, Lloyd starts out in the Northeast. So while the main area is in the west, just about everywhere else should be explored in some way

- They won't be ninjas! Feel like that's implied but just to clarify. Thinking of just calling them vaqueros, protectors, guardians, or something like that??

- Lloyd's power will not be energy! Since the main focus of their group is to not only fight against invasions/marauders but to protect and supply the people overall. So, opting to give him some healing/life-related abilities (not to be confused with nature, can only revive what was once living and is now dead). His abilities are also extended past just that due to being a descendant of the First, like being able to mimic the four elements to a basic degree. Nya will also be fairly important due to controlling water, something fairly vital, especially in their environment! (not only because of water being a basic human need but due to twisters!)

- The golden weapons will be replaced by different weapons... dunno exactly what for who but definitely giving Zane a bow. And they'll also have guns because it's stupid to send in teenagers with metal sticks to fight someone with a Winchester rifle

- Garmadon won't know that Lloyd is alive. His tipping point would be due to a suspected stillbirth, causing him to give in and try to take the weapons! Never understood why Garmadon gave in around the time he had a kid if he could hold off for so long, so this is kinda just a reason for that

- Garmadon also won't be in some alternate realm to gain his four arms. He simply gains it when he fully obtains his Oni form. Kinda just spends his time with marauding groups to take over some villages for supplies.

- Serpentine aren't entirely in tombs! A fair amount roam the land and were originally peaceful (hence not being entombed), but some have turned more aggressive because of discrimination and whatnot

- More mythical creatures will be in this world, and their horses aren't actually horses, they're moreso a type of avian (first art post has drawings of them). However, most can't fly with extra weight, so it's rare to find one strong enough to do anything but ground travel (one of the few who can fly is named Marian by Lloyd and is the replacement for the Ultra Dragon)! - Lloyd can understand dragons from the Ninjago realm! He also finds a specific individual, Rei, who is a dragon from the northeast, and his great aunt! She plays a big role in their fight against the great devourer and guides little Lloyd in the equivalent of the first season

- A minor thing occurs with Quanish initially, who Lloyd runs into while traveling southwest to find his father. He is accompanied by Quanish for a portion of the trip. However, Quanish is very frail, so after almost dying on multiple occasions, Lloyd guides him to a village to get him off the road. He then takes on Quanish's goal of delivering a scroll to Wu (he doesn't know it's Wu then) and is told that it can't be given to anyone else. Hence why he was trying to deliver it by hand! When he shows up Wu isn't there, Lloyd is determined to give it to this supposed Sensei and isn't willing to give it to anyone else, so the five decide to house him until Wu returns (during this time they also unlock their potential)

- Darreth owns Laughty's Bar from the beginning! It's kinda their go-to-spot for hanging out and how they know who he is

- Sorry Bounty fans but I'm getting rid of it! There isn't that kind of technology yet (we're ignoring Zane and Pixal, I'll explain them later), so when the monastery gets destroyed they end up traveling on a thesigi! Which, excuse me nerding out, is short for the scientific name of a made-up creature... Thesigitherium Magnum  ("therium" means beast, "thesigi" is a combination of "standing" [thesi] and "land" [gi], and "great" [magnum]). Their class: Mammalia, Order: Artiodactyla, Family: Anthracotheriidae, Genus: Thesigitherium, and Species: Thesigitherium Magnum They're kinda just giant, sea-dwelling Anthracotheriums!!

(Definitely not final, but just to give an idea!)

- On the topic of not-so-advanced technology, they don't have video games!! So opting to make Jay do a handful of gambling... which may or may not get them into a few situations. Cheating in Texas Hold 'Em just seems like a Jay thing to do

- As for Zane and Pixal, still working out some kinks on how Pixal comes to life, but thinking that Zane was stuck on a volatile battery before the previous ice master rolled around? That being, Zane's "special" source of power IS the elemental energy once gifted to him... Also, it made me mad that Pixal only did spinjiztu for a single episode, so now she knows it permanently 💥💥💥I do what I want

That's all for now!!! Will have a reblog log of updates and edits in case I remember more points I didn't write down or changes made!!!

[webbedphantom]

Journeys into Mystery

[Plotted Starter for @chibitantei]

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

They'd beaten the God of Control, they'd beaten Adam Kadmon, their world was supposed to be unmerged with the Metaverse. Yet it wasn't... something was keeping the two connected. And it was having major ramifications on the world at large.

Rifts between the two worlds were opening, invisible to most, letting people wander into Mementos by accident, and letting the creatures inside slip into reality. These incidents had been scarce so far, but they were becoming more and more common.

And he had a feeling it was all his fault.

As such, he'd been spending a lot more time in costume, swinging around trying to find these rifts before anyone stumbled through them. Almost too much if his teammates are to be believed, but when you're dealing with something on this scale that few people can even see, AND you feel somewhat responsible for it all, it's hard not to feel the urge to be out there every second you can be.

Which is what lead him to be here, in Kichijoji, looking down at small rift in the middle of an alleyway.

'Who knows how many people this one nabbed? This part of town isn't exactly sparse.'

He hopped down off the wall and passed through to the other side, dropping him deep in the familiar tunnels.

'Judging by the purple... this must've sent me down to layer five.'

Which definitely didn't bode well for anyone who might've slipped in here. He only hoped he got here in time.

"Hello!!" He called out at the top of his lungs, placing down one of his Spider-Signals to mark their way out. "Is anyone still in here??"

It was dangerous, especially given the strength of the Shadows on this floor, but if the shadows were going to be drawn to someone, he'd rather it be to him.

"I'm here to get you out!!"

[cinememed]

₍ 🎞 ₎ the death of stalin (2017) rp starters ! featuring explicit language, violence & mature themes . some lines have been slightly adjusted for rp purposes .

can you ever trust a weak man?

there's bodies fucking piling up in the street, it's a bit late, isn't it?

i've had nightmares that made more sense than this.

i was testing you. get used to that sort of challenge.

how can you run and plot at the same time?

i'm the peacemaker and i’ll fuck over anyone who gets in my way.

could you do me a favor and nod as i'm speaking to you?

people are looking to me for reassurance and i have no idea what's going on.

what took you so long, you fucking walk here?

i hate being sober. it's a terrible, terrible mood to be in.

i'm smiling, but i am very fucking furious.

don't worry, nobody's gonna get killed, i promise you.

this is just a musical emergency!

it's not exactly fine, is it? it's not fine.

you're a fucking stain on that uniform.

it's time you realized who kept the daggers out of your back.

this is your work, is it?

you're just making this shit up as you go along!

i don't know you. you don't know me.

we are tied together. like a rock... that's sinking.

who the fuck in their right mind would want everlasting life? 

you know what i'm doing? i'm offering you my protection.

it's hard to run away with your pants falling down.

oh, i'm gonna enjoy peeling the skin from your self-satisfied face

that's how you deal with a problem, is it?

you understand what's going on? this is how people get killed.

i never thought it would be you.

i know the drill. smile, shake hands and try not to call them cunts.

i should have intercepted his fist with my face.

have a long sleep. i'll take it from here.

you see? we're better as a committee.

give his head a good kicking. it'll make you feel better.

it's only friends that can yell at each other like this.

you should feel at home then, shouldn't you, you little coil of shit?

i'm exhausted, i can't remember who's alive and who's dead.

[demonlys]

✧˖ ° closed starter / outside the old haunt , with raziel / serena moreno ! ( @bloodiisms )

zehra's just about to cross the street when she spots raziel, of all people, casually strolling past. she rolls her eyes at what seems to be some kind of cosmic joke. this isn't the first time the demon's seen her nemesis lurking around portum recently, and frankly, she's starting to feel a bit stalked. she's been around long enough to know when someone's pretending to not be following her. maybe it's not exactly stalking, maybe it's just a really bad coincidence, but either way, it's too coincidental for zehra's liking. “ alright, what's the deal, angel ? ” she calls out, “ are you following me now ? ” brown eyes narrow in suspicion. there's a determined look on the other's face, zehra thinks, like the angel is secretly plotting her end. “ you know, ” she adds with a raised eyebrow, “ if you wanted to ask me out for a drink, you could've just said so. ”

[poohsources]

I'm new to tumblr and i'm not sure how rp bandwagons work on here haha.

I know i have to reblog them, but i'm not sure what happens next or where to put the starter 'n such. so sorry if this doesn't make sense LOL.

hi there! gotta be honest here, i have no clue what bandwagons are ( i tried looking it up but all i gathered was that it's something used in twitter rp ) so i'm not exactly sure this'll be the right answer. but i hope this will be of help for you anyway and is what you're looking for. if not, feel free to send me another ask and i'll try to give a better explanation.

after you've set up your blog and gathered some followers, there are two easy ways to get interactions going. technically there are more, but these two are the ones that work the quickest and make you start doing stuff on your blog.

starter calls. make a post titled starter call in which you give people a chance to request a starter from you. they can like or reply to that post, which in turn shows you they're interested in writing with you. now you can either reach out to plot with them ( if you want to ― usually, starter calls are more of a spontaneous thing that isn't really planned out, although it can eventually evolve into something deeper ) or just make a new post / starter for them. you can keep it simple with just a line of dialogue ( remember to make open dialogue and give your partner something to work with; roleplaying is a back-and-forth that requires some kind of effort being put into it ) or write maybe a paragraph or two ― whatever you feel like doing. it's best to tag the person the starter is for somewhere in the post ( you can do that by using @ and putting the username right after the symbol ) so they'll hopefully see your post. from there on, they reblog your post with their reply, and afterward, you reblog your reply to their post, and so on and so on.

memes. another easy way to get things going is by reblogging memes / sentence starters to your blog. you can find a variety of them either by looking up rp memes ( or if you want something more specific, e.g. angst starters, try looking up that ) and all you'll have to do is to click on the reblog button and put them on your blog. now your followers can send you one or multiple of these through your inbox ( which reminds me that you have to make sure that is turned on. to check that, go to your blog settings, scroll down until you see the switch titled "let people ask questions" and make sure it's on ) for you to reply to. as for your reply, you can either directly do that by accessing your inbox ( if you're on desktop, it's the little mail symbol on top / on mobile you can access it by clicking the profile button on the far right, then going to the settings at the top right and clicking on inbox ) and clicking answer or you can make a completely new post in which you'll copy and paste the sentence starter that was sent to you, and then do basically the same thing i explained for the starter call. write your reply, tag the person who sent it to you in it, and let the reply thread begin.

anyway, it might seem a little daunting at first but once you've got the hang of it, it's really simple and quite fun.

[morgansmornings]

✍ ☯ 웃

This Meme: Accepting @mouthoftheocean

~~~*~~~

✍ :

Step One on interacting with Jay, is to just message me. Point blank saying "Hey I have an idea for our muses." Silly thing is that it is the most effective way of getting my attention.

Step Two: Throw a Meme in character and in my Inbox and we can take off from there. Memes are great Ice Breakers in my opinion. They give some context, setting, and backstory on the situation our Muses are in in general, and through the thread that continues after we the Muns can narrow down more specific things should the need arrive.

Step Three: DM me with something that you have wanted to write. Chances are that I can figure out how I can work Jayden into that idea. For the most part it is pretty easy. She comes in many flavors and options to choose from. If not then we can work together to figure out how to get her to play the right role for the thread.

☯ :

This is easy to answer. Jayden is almost nothing like me as a person. But she is the ideals and things that I want to be wrapped up in a nice trench coat. She is tall, confident, spontaneous. She isn't afraid to tell people how she feels or what she thinks. She is brave and takes risks that I could never imagine. She is proud of herself, even when swarmed with negativity. Of all the Major Sins; Pride would be her downfall, with Wrath a close second.

This makes it difficult to write because I can barely keep up a brave front. It sometimes takes me way longer than it should for me to respond to things because while the beginning is strong I lose confidence when threads with me get dropped without warning. Which happens often enough that I mostly can gloss over the sting of it. Or when I answer a starter call or plot call and get ignored. I get it, Jayden isn't for everyone and it can be hard to come up with something.

웃 :

A character that I miss playing is my Glasswalker Werewolf. He isn't gone or missing. He has his own damn blog and I can just log in and do things on there. But the problem is that I lack the motivation to make him do anything more that to go; "Behold, my Muse. Exactly where I left him six months after getting his blog set up."

[purgemarchlockdown]

New Apple

(Also Known as: Nott Broke, I am now writing the WKTD-Amane Cross Analysis. This is also the Trans Amane Momose Thesis)

(CWs: Cults, Child Abuse, Child Death, Body Horror, Homophobia, Transphobia.)

(Spoilers for We Know The Devil and Milgram.)

I am a unrepentant fan of the Visual Novel We Know The Devil. I love it dearly, I think it's one of the best Things ever made.

I am also a...fan, to say the least, of Amane Momose. I think about her every day. And as a result I've thought about these two things together a lot. I think there's a lot of thematically cohesion that can be derived from putting the two together.

Since this is Milgram Focused, I'm going to put an explanation for what the plot of WKTD is first before continuing.

WKTD is a 2015 VN about Three Bad Kids at a Christian Summer Camp who are sent to meet The Devil one day in a cabin in the woods. This game is about Queer Religious Horror and has great prose and you should play it-

Now, there are already comparisons that can be drawn to Amane's cult and the game's main premise, but let's discuss each of the three kids first.

No Prince For The Princesses

Starting with Jupiter. Jupiter is the tomboyish good kid of the bunch or, more accurately, tries her best to be the good kid to minimal success.

Laughing off a head injury isn't all that Jupiter's good at; she has the best grades in class, and coaches make her starter on whatever team has the most pressing need for someone who can do sports. She's a perfect role model, except for how she always misses the winning goal and she always blanks on the last question. She leads when no one else wants to, which is always.

Jupiter can keep up until right when it matters the most. It's here where I mention Jupiter snaps a hairband against her wrist, a common tactic used as an alternative to self-harm.

Her place in the dysfunctional group of problem kids becoming clear as her issues with being the perfect good kid and her immense self-hate and loathing start to seep through. Jupiter struggles under this weight of expectations and pleasing others but tries to pretend she an:

Neptune: ascetic monk at not giving a shit.

To her own detriment, she hangs out with the Worst Group in the Camp of Worst Kids just so she can get them to stay away from her. If they just like her enough then they won't bother her. Even if she personally dislikes them and how they act.

Not that she...enjoys acting like this. She's disgusted by the idea of the Counselor liking her. Because:

Jupiter: He likes people he can make a little uncomfortable and won't give any trouble about it.

Though as Venus says, that's exactly why he likes their group.

Jupiter is someone who's resigned to reality being like this. To being considered a bad kid even though she tried so hard. Sure it's unfair and people have tried a lot less than her but:

Jupiter: You can still get better at this, if you try, you know?

Even I can say "I'm sorry" Even I have hope I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!

Anyway, Jupiter Kisses Girls. She Likes Women. She's a Lesbian. She has a Seven Minutes in Heaven Scene with Neptune where they Kiss-

That kiss having a lot of relevance to how (specifically) a t1 Amane attempts to approach certain taboo ideas and concepts.

Jupiter: It's not real if we don't say it out loud, right?

Amane tends to talk around things in T1. It's not immediately noticeable but it's prevalent in a lot of her speak. Specifically when taboo ideas come into play. Instead of saying anything directly she talks around it.

(Apostle and Death)

Amane: Okay! I’m kind, so I shall forgive you. That’s nice, isn’t it? If my parents were in my place, you would have been lectured for another hour.

This is my favorite example, as Amane is just calling her parents unkind here. But, Amane isn't really good at talking around things. In the same VD, when faced with the knoweldge that she's being underestimated she immdieatly talks about her genuine feelings about being treated like a child, and being talked down to because of it. Being very forward and open about her own emotions.

Outside of that we have instances of her showing interest in things that are believed to be taboo, or at least in things discouraged by her community.

(20/06/27, Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: I don’t need it. I’ll gratefully accept your well-wishes, but I don’t eat things like that. Also…… Shidou-san, I can’t say I’m especially fond of the way you assume that all children will love frivolous things like this. Shidou: ………… Is that so… I apologise. I’m sure everyone else will be happy to eat it, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for intruding. Amane: ………… ……cake……

She even disrespects the blue flag in Purge March, the flag representing "discarding vulgarity"

Considering both how a lot of the generally aesthetics of Magic and Purge March seem to be considered frivolous. And her being forbidden to go to an amusement park.

T1Q5:When you go to an amusement park, what do you like to ride? A: That is a place I should not go to.

I think we can infer that these things are consider vulgar and wanting them anyway. She wants something outside of what she has. Something that she tries to Hide in her interrogations. (Interrogations)

T1Q3: If you were allowed to do anything, what would you want to do? Nothing really. I am not lacking anything.

T1Q17: What would you do if the world ends tomorrow? If everything ends? Then, I might do all sorts of things I have never done before.

(Put a pin in these interros, we are Going to come back to them.)

It's wrong to want such a thing, she knows this well. That's why she doesn't say it out loud. It's not real until she does. No one can punish her for it if she doesn't say anything.

Except...they Do. Same with Jupiter, people who didn't try as hard to get into the "proper, good girl" summer scouts got in when Jupiter didn't. Amane studies so hard and yet she only gets a 83% when Kotoko is tutoring her.

(20/06/18)

Kotoko: There, I’ve finished marking. 83%. How do I put it… Even though you act like this, it’s not like you’re super brilliant at studying or anything, huh.

She just blanks at the last question.

Misses the winning goal.

Something about Her is...inherently holding them back from this illustrious standard of being a good girl. It's just, impossible for her to be one. She knows this herself.

Only if, only if, only if I could be a good girl

And even though she tries, she Can't do anything to change that. In the same way that no matter how hard Jupiter tries, people instinctively understand that she's something Other somehow. The both of them being harmed over and over again in an attempt to live up to ideals that they will...never be able to live up to.

The system of We Know The Devil works like this, you choose two kids and leave one behind each hour. Leave one behind enough and they become the devil. The worst kid out of all of them.

Jupiter does her best but her best is never going to be enough. So if she gets excluded enough times...

Even the best kid has the devil inside her.

Jupiter wants to touch, to hit, to pull.

Venus: I wish I could be meaner. I wish I could be so much meaner.

She's never going to be able to make up for this incessant greedy Want.

Her hairband snaps here, she can't keep the devil away for much longer, and she knows it.

Jupiter: You know, I actually liked when the captain talked about how heaven was on merit; as long as you do good things, maybe you can one day be good… Jupiter: But then they said we don’t believe that anymore and it’s only what’s in your heart that matters. Jupiter: Just when I think I got it right, they changed it. Jupiter: I can try hard, but I think… Jupiter: God knows my heart isn’t really in it. And that was my only shot, right?

Amane considers love a showcase of mercy,

T2Q9: What does love mean to you? A: To spread mercy with no limits.

And considers her punishments love.

T2Q2: Do you believe you were loved? A: Very much deeply.

I suppose when you think about it, trying to beat the devil out of someone is mercy.

But, you can't really do anything about it if someone does want the devil.

Jupiter: It's wrong to want such a thing, you know that, don't you? So don't do it. I still know that much.

In each color ending, the devil gets destroyed. The devil only getting one moment for whatever they wanted.

For revenge, for love, for "please take me back."

One Singular Moment to live as they are before having it burnt out of them.

...Someone had to have opened that door at the end of Purge March

(Milgram T1 Glitched Character Voicelines)

Amane: Ahh! I'm so sorry...! I'm sorry...! I'm sorry for breaking the rules!

Lukewarm, I Spit You Out

We have more bad kids to go through, so let's talk Neptune.

Neptune is, to be blunt, a self-proclaimed bitch. She doesn't act like she's supposed to belong her which is exactly why she belongs here. She uses profanities, sneaks alcohol into the camp, and the summary of this game calls her a mean girl. Though this meanness of hers betrays a certain amount of care and worry for her group, or, at least they like to think of it that way:

Neptune is very kind or possibly super mean and hates us. But that's okay. She's really funny.

This kindness of hers comes out in many ways. She's concerned for Jupiter, trying to get her to actually give a shit about herself, especially when she does so much work.

Neptune: I mean like, aren't you doing fine? Neptune: Aren't you trying harder than literally everyone else here? Neptune: You're so chill about everyone's bullshit it makes me so mad and then you won't extend even the slightest of that chill to yourself and that makes me EVEN SO MADDER. Neptune: Can't you just be a little less…good?

And wants Venus to get out of his egg, to let himself be a bit of a bitch, and stop apologizing for himself when he is doing nothing wrong.

Neptune: Wait, I got it. I dare you to not say sorry for the rest of the night. Jupiter: Oh my god. Venus: I can do that! Jupiter: …can he though? Neptune: No it's perfect. Neptune: It'll fix something annoying, and this will make everyone's life easier, and all of us win. Venus: Is it really annoying? Neptune: You shouldn't have to apologize for things you don't need to apologize for.

Neptune deeply cares about the people around her, it just comes out as harsh words and actions. She wants to make Jupiter's life a living hell so that she's forced to say that it hurts.

Neptune: People are supposed to get hurt by things. It's fucked up to not. It's not good for you.

Though, as Venus calls out, the way Neptune acts doesn't fully come from self-confidence.

Venus: ...your problem Neptune is. Venus: You think being mean is more honest. Venus: But you're just as bad as Jupiter. Venus: And me.

Neptune, like the other two, deeply hates herself. Like Jupiter she has a consistent "tell" that shows she's the devil. She throws up this black ichor-like substance. Poison really. The only thing she can say. She's a bad kid through and through.

Now, Amane is self-proclaimed annoying.

Es: Regardless of whether you’re a child or an adult… you are beyond annoying. Amane: Oh, my. I am honored by your praise. Es: As I said. Amane: (giggles)

She takes Real Pride in being, a little shit to people.

20/06/03

Fuuta: ……huh? What’s your problem? You’re just leaving all your meat? What a weird kid. Amane: You say that, but you’re not eating all of your food either. ……are you not able to eat your vegetables? Even though you’re an adult. Fuuta: Huh, what, so you’re just eating grass? What are you, a rabbit or something? Since you’re just a brat, you should be eating your meat properly. You won’t grow if you don’t. Amane: ……you make some really funny jokes, don’t you, Fuuta-san.

This behavior is mostly present in T1, mostly cause T1 is Amane's testing period. She's trying to see what she can get away with. These behaviors disappearing by T2 because she learns that she can't get away with much. Introducing us to a less playful, more angry and genuinely despairing Amane. (Of Blessedness and Punishment)

Amane: This is unforgivable! I won’t forgive you! (screams)

That isn't to say Amane doesn't genuinely want to help out though, even with her more aggressive attitude. In fact she goes out of her way to "help" Fuuta and responds to Yuno's questions and worries honestly and patiently.

(23/06/27, Amane’s Birthday)

Yuno: By the way, Amane. Have you ever wished you were never born? I’ve thankfully lived a pretty fun life so far, so haven’t really. But you seem to be struggling with something. So I kinda wondered if you thought like that. Amane: ……I don’t think that. Being born into this world is the first miracle any person experiences, and is something to celebrate. Even if after birth I was put through trial after trial, the value of that will never disappear.

Amane is kind, genuinely so. She helps the cat, she tries her best to "guide" people back to the better path. The problem is, is that her want to help gets tied up in her community and her worldview. Causing more harm than she would like, it's almost like she can only spit out doctrine when that isn't the case.

Amane: Hm. Is that so? Are the prisoners who weren’t forgiven feeling lost right now? Maybe they need our faith as well.

Outside of that, Amane is rather opinionated, she tries to keep it down but it seeps out anyway. She's expressed numerous times her frustration with being treated like a child (ie: being treated like she has no rights of her own.) And expresses that openly and bluntly.

(20/06/13)

Shidou: I…… I just don’t understand. If everything about MILGRAM is true…… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad…… Amane: ……*sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san.I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?

It's easy to call her annoying or petulant for this, especially when Shidou (seemingly) is just concerned for how how a child is in prison of murders. And again she Does act annoying on purpose.

But Shidou is being actively patronizing and forcing his view of Amane Onto her. When Amane rebukes this, instead of apologizing or reevaluating he dismisses what she says. Something that deeply frustrates her.

Neptune: I'm an evil bad slut right? I'm a bitch and a flirt. Neptune: I'm a bitch because I let people know when they walk over me. Neptune: I'm a flirt because boys keep talking at me. Neptune: And this is somehow my problem, because they can't get over themselves and leave me alone? Neptune: How is that fair? Why should I get hurt by that? It makes me so mad! Neptune: Why would I be anything but MAD about all this stupid obnoxious BULLSHIT.

You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?

Amane cares a lot about being treated Properly, about the people around her being treated Properly. She can't really...accept injustice. She broke one of her cult's doctrines because she wanted wrap up what was probably a Small Wound at worst judging by the state of the cat. She's not going to waver just because the people around her believe otherwise.

Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either……

Amane believes in the idea that people can get better, and wants to see people get better even if she can't. She's going to help even if she has to be Violent to do so.

Neptune: You asked me to come out. So I'm coming out. The door opens and it's her but it's not her She grabs Venus and crushes him against the wall like he's a little doll.

Amane: Don’t you think it’s a good opportunity to be reborn? If, right now, you could shake off those around you trying to drag you down to depravity, and could change––

When Neptune's the devil she forcibly tries to turn the other two kids into the devil alongside with her. She knows this whole situation is a nightmare and wants to force the two into accepting who they really are, even if it meant hurting them.

Why should they be the ones to suffer when their trying so hard to be good? Why should they be suffering when they already ARE good?

Neptune: Doesn't it feel unfair? You're already good, so why do you have to try so hard to be good? It makes me mad. They want you to prove you're good. But you're already so good. What is that? Why do they do that?

We must not give into them, they are the ones that should be judged

Why does She need to prove that she's righteous when the people around her can break the same rules she does and get away with no consequences?

I don’t need it any more, if you’re going to break your vow Here and now, it’s my turn to tear you apart

It's just so Unfair. Why is she the one getting hurt for no good reason? Why was the cat the one who got hurt for something that wasn't even its fault? It's just not right. None of this is right.

Neptune: Does that kid look happy to you? Well I guess we have different opinions and you will have to stop me from making him into what he is trying very hard not to be.

Help Me God, I'm In Love

We have one more kid to go through.

Venus is known for being very much a doormat, and very easy to push around. A small detail when their sitting down to listen to the Bonfire Captain's story is that Venus tries his best not to take up space.

Venus sits with his legs crossed, taking up as little space as he can, which is at most not very much.

And As mentioned before he constantly apologizes for himself, even when it isn't even his fault. That dare Neptune gives him? He immdieatly fails it, the sorry is an instinct, he does it automatically.

Though even then, Venus is known to be...a bit of a little shit. Maybe even quite Mean. He has a bite to his words and can be extremely judgemental. Not that he seems to notice .

Jupiter: Do you think he notices how much of a jerk he is sometimes? Neptune: I wish.

Amane: An arts university, though…… Does that mean you’re good at drawing, then? It may be a bit rude to say, but that’s rather unexpected.

(I Love how Amane implies that she thought Mikoto was too boring to be an artist. Incredible.)

Not only that but he's strongly opinionated, often surprising the people around him with them and how pointed and critical he can be. The people around him being so used to how shy and docile he seems.

Jupiter: Why not you. You're safe. You're like a puppy. You're harmless. Venus: …did you lose your nerve? Jupiter: Except when you talk.

He doesn't mean to be mean on purpose, he doesn't even like being mean, but it just comes out of him. He can't stop himself. He's so angry and bitter about certain things that his real feelings bleed out of him.

Neptune: Wow Venus I'm ALMOST impressed. Neptune: You are, deep down, kind of a little shit. Venus: I didn't mean it in a mean way. I wasn't teasing. Neptune: That's so much worse, Venus. Venus: I guess I just don't get it? Venus: I don't like being mean and I don't want to be mean so I try really hard not to be mean. Venus: I don't get any of the 'just kidding' because it's not just kidding.

But Venus is easy to pick on, he smiles weirdly, he tries his best to avoid causing too much conflict, and the idea that Venus is "not like the other boys" get floated around pretty early depending on what interactions you chose, and Jupiter and Neptune discuss this their 10AM interaction:

Neptune: Are you seriously worried about him? Jupiter: Maybe. A little. Jupiter: He's weird. Not in a bad way, necessarily? Jupiter: But maybe in a bad way, possibly. Jupiter: Sometimes I don't even know what he is.

Jackalope: That isn’t even really Amane Momose anymore. You’ve awakened something much bigger.

There's something....different about Venus, like Jupiter and Neptune before him. Everyone can tell, and thus treats him differently for it but he's just not exactly sure what that...Is.

And it's so Frustrating.

Venus: …I don't know what's wrong with me.

Venus: But I can't. Not when it comes to this. Jupiter: What is "this"? Venus: Whatever they want out of me that's not fixing radios. Venus: To be tougher? To grow up? To-what's that?

He's jealous, so deeply jealous of Jupiter and Neptune and he doesn't even know why.

Venus: I'm mad about a lot of things I guess. Jupiter: Liar Jupiter: You're not mad. Jupiter: You're jealous. Jupiter: Why are you so jealous. Jupiter: It's flattering. But it's weird. Venus: I don't know.

Muu: ……hey, are you listening to me? What are you staring at……? Amane: I’m not staring at anything. Muu: Liar, you definitely are……

Amane: ……cake……

He wants...something from them, he doesn't know what but it's something important to him. Something that would make him feel like he's himself and not...whatever he is. It's not even like he necessarily minds being different. He doesn't even think he can be anything else.

Venus: I know I'm bad at getting anyone to like me and I'm weird and everyone else can deal even though I can't, but I can't. Venus: I'm just going to be like this. I'm not going to be any different. Jupiter: You're asking to get beat up. Venus: I don't care.

T2Q20: How do you feel about you not being like everyone else? A: Nevertheless I was born as myself, so I'm happy.

This deep want appears in Everything he does. Everything he does is to somehow get that Thing he Wants the Most. He can attribute it to something else but everyone can tell he wants Something.

Neptune: Venus, your problem is that you are very nice. But you want something. And you think being nice is going to give it to you. But it never will. And until you figure out what it is you want. Every kindness of yours will be full of that want.

Amane: Ah, I am looking forward to it! Seeing whether your judgement will align with that of these higher standards! If that is the case, maybe Milgram would be the right world for us to live in, rather than the outside world!

Milgram relies on your judgement, isn’t that right? In that case, you could become the mediator for a far more righteous world!!

That isn't to say he Isn't afraid of being found out. Of having the kind of person he is being revealed. In a game of truth or dare he chooses dare because:

Venus: I mean, it's kinda like Jupiter said? Truth is embarrassing and dares could get you hurt. Getting hurt is way less scary.

But then the contradiction of this gets pointed out to him, people can be embarrassing with dares as well. It's easy to hurt and embarrass someone.

I've already mentioned that Amane hides...a lot, she tends to talk around things and use double meanings and what not. But she also doesn't want to seem frivolous or wasteful. She wants to stay seeming mature and smart and pure. Being immature is dangerous to her, another reason for people to view her as useless and weak. Another reason to get hurt.

She isn't that. She can prove it. She's not greedy or materialistic.

Venus: I don't want to be strong. I don't want to be that sort of person at all.

She doesn't want anything.

Venus: I want them within me and without me. All through and about me. I want feathers in my lungs and eyes on my skin. I want my heart to see and my lungs to fly.

Nothing at all.

T1Q17: What would you do if the world ends tomorrow? If everything ends? Then, I might do all sorts of things I have never done before.

This is when I reveal Venus is Trans.

Venus is Trans! She uses She/Her, I've been using He/Him for her previously to reveal she's trans like how the VN reveals she's trans.

Venus wants to reveal the truth, to be seen as she is, to have:

That wing to see the truth and that eye to lay it bare.

She wants to be honest and live as herself. To really Be Her. When she becomes the devil she says it's nobody's fault but hers. She wants this. She wants this so much.

She's not doing it cause she was forced or coerced she did it cause she Wanted To. She wanted to do it so badly. She does it with such glee it's honestly terrifying. She killed out of hate and duty and Enjoyed It.

The devil is lonely. We kicked out the devil and it must miss us. It keeps begging to be let back, to let it in.

And Amane Did.

Smoke and Honey

Amane Momose is undeniably monster-coded.

Jackalope: That isn’t even really Amane Momose anymore. You’ve awakened something much bigger.

Amane: Right now, I am both Amane Momose and I am not. I am speaking on behalf of our faith.

Amane: Yes. It is only natural for a person(/human) to apologize to another for breaking a promise. Es: … Amane: Why are you looking so doubtful? Are you not human?

This happy pinky promise hurts to break

There's so much to discuss that if I did do it in detail we would get so set off track very badly, but Amane Momose is Other. She's the Other, she's not human. She's never Been Human. Atleast not by the standards of her cult.

In the Milgram Cat Symbolism, Cats has been highly associated with sin. Yuno portrays her cat self as the most honest but also sinful version of herself. Kazui does the same. Amane being the cat, implicates her as a sinful force in the world. Something dangerous and terrifying that needs to be destroyed.

Amane Momose, somehow, is a threat to normal human existence (at least in the existence of the cult.) She's too opinionated, too dedicated, too Bad of a kid. Having her exist at all as she is, is a threat. She doesn't Want to stop being herself, she's supposed to want to stop. Humans aren't supposed to act like she acts. What if that stubbornness was directed at something against the cult?

Adults also hate perfect kids who love the world so much they can't stop themselves from saving it.

We Need to Destory The Devil No Matter What or Who it is. To choose someone to act as the scapegoat, the worst girl, the one kid too weird, too strange, too threatening.

What does Amane do? She's already a liability, just a child, useless and unhelpful. What if she was destructive? Better to teach her now to be better, right?

It's not like she isn't destructive, it's true. She does harm. Horrible harm actually. I completely understand wanting to restrain her for those reasons.

But, she had One Moment, and it was ripped away from her.

Jupiter: If I taste what it's like, I know, there's no way I'll be happy being human ever again.

I Wonder what else is left for her now.

[mcrcki]

winter market!! heck yeah !! i love a silly little mini event to carry us through the holiday season , so i'm gonna turn this into a plotting and starter call. it'll probably be a little smaller than usual but i want to make sure i have time to just get a first wave of starters out for y'all !! if you see any plots you like, please hit the heart and i'll dm you on discord!! if you want a starter please REPLY AND SPECIFY. if you don't specify, i will not do the starter, please don’t request more than 3 starters per writer. also if they are unplotted requests, you'll get a dm from me to just plot a little !! ♥

alani tiure | star wars | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; tbh alani will probably not be there for the majority of this market. they don't like crowds, they don't get this whole thing so if you find them there it's a rarity

charlie morningstar | hazbin hotel | 1 / 3

she/her pronouns ; to literally no ones surprise, charlie is absolutely loving this. she signed herself up day one to be an elf and is out there for hours in her elf costume helping people. she didn't realize how much fun this was going to be here.

kaz brekker

daniela dimitrsecu | resident evil | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; will probably only be there if their girlfriend is going and gonna be watching their back. they may sneak off to grab some dinner but otherwise daniela is not the kind to just be out in the winter weather for fun!!!

danika fendyr | crescent city | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; danika is there working security for some ot pay, but will also be taking some of their breaks to take pictures with hot santa and have a little fun. they don't have family in the city, so the holidays were going to be pretty boring if she didn't work this.

elain archeron | a court of thorns and roses | 0 / 3

she/her pronouns ; elain is working at a toy donation booth and doing whatever she can to give back. she knows what it's like to go without so she wants to be there giving back in whatever way she can.

juliette benoit | the vampire diaries | 1 / 3

she/her pronouns ; classic mom at christmas time. she's got a toddler that she's trying to make this whole season special for, so if you see her running around after a 3 year old trying to get him to sit nice for santa and also attempting ice skating, please be kind

jesper fahey

kaya dura | star wars | 0 / 3

they/she pronouns ; this is a child trapped in an adult's body, they are running around hopped up on sugar, trying to go ice skating, doing every activity there is, just doing whatever they can. they have really come to love this time of year and isn't going to let some personal shit get in the way of that

leia organa | star wars | 0 / 3

she/her pronouns ; leia's gonna be making some press appearances, doing whatever she needs to continue to be a public figure, probably a speech or two but really she's only there for work and to keep a low profile. there's too much going on for her to just stick around for long

marley bishop | the vampire diaries | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; considering the current climate of their family, the holidays are not something marley is exactly looking forward to. she's gonna be working at the ice bar, making some extra money and enjoying the distractions more than anything.

omega archeron | star wars | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; a last minute gift shopper, doing everything they can to get presents for their giant ass family and also avoid all of them during that process. will definitely be trying to get some pictures with hot santa and maybe taking their brother ice skating but really just trying to be a little wholesome for once.

rosemary winters | resident evil | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; is trying to have some christmas spirit while being in the middle of just the biggest family drama. they also are definitely trying to get their gf not gf to have a mistletoe kiss

sella palpatine | star wars | 0 / 3

she/her pronouns ; sella just loves christmas and learned to skate from the market in past years and is now taken up a job to teach kids how to skate in between enjoying the market with her family and girlfriend. (subject to change depending on The Horrors™)

sophie hatter | howl’s moving castle | 1 / 3

she/they pronouns ; running her usual stand and will not be abandoning it !!! no matter what people say !!!! they will be around trying to spend some time with their son but for the most part just running her shop and having fun enjoying helping other people’s holidays

inej ghafa

sulpicia volturi | twilight | 0 / 3

she/her pronouns ; she just quite literally will not be there im so sorry, she has spent so long in a tower and is scared of crowds so she’s not gonna be around

tatum riley | scream | 0 / 3

she/her pronouns ; unaware and kinda just vibing, she wants to go ice skating but sucks at it, will probably dick around with the snowball fight but also getting drunk with her roommate so come do ice shots with her

vesta starkos | star wars | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; literally just here to do crime and pickpocket, maybe steal from booths. but probably also rigging the snowball fight so that she can win after placing her own bets against it

victoria sutherland | twilight | 1 / 3

she/her pronouns ; is really only here to grab a bite at night, trying to avoid her ex situationship while fixing her current relationship but will definitely just be grabbing strays off the edge of the crowd

mu qing

violet sorrengail | fourth wing | 0 / 3

she/her pronouns ; you gotta drag her out of the house by her hair rn so she's not going to be around at the market. she will probably be there passing through to and from work but otherwise being an absolute recluse lately